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andromedasstarship · 4 years ago

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in the stars - chapter 1

photo credit: @ssahotchnerr

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, show rating 16+ for reference. depictions of violence, stalking, murder, angst, age gap couple, drinking, brief mention of drugs.

summary - You finally meet the BAU, little progress is made in terms of the case.

a/n - early update yay! i take a lot of liberties with movies that reader has starred in, pls dont take irl movie release dates into consideration here lol. more notes at the end

blog rules

masterlist // read it on ao3 here

prologue // next chapter

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Chapter 1

Flights to California always took an extra toll on the team. Reid had explained it once, in a too long ramble, how the wind worked against the plane lengthening the flight at least an hour longer than the trip back home.

Hotch was finding it difficult to focus on the files in front of him. The first photo he opened was of victim #3, with her eyes closed and face turned to the side, even Hotch could’ve been fooled that it was you lying there dead. While the rest of the team was mulling over the facts of the case, he was debating whether or not to tell the team about your history. The Unit Chief in him knew this was important information that had the potential to hinder the case; his relationship to you was too personal and his withholding of information could even turn him into a suspect. If the roles had been reversed with another member of the team, he’d have concerns over their ability to even be on the case. For now, Hotch forced himself to tune into the conversation the rest of the team was having; promising himself he’d figure out what to do later.

“Garcia, what do we know about L/N,” Emily asked, turning ever so slightly towards the screen Garcia had just popped up on.

“I’m glad you asked my dear Emily. Y/N L/N is totally Hollywood’s It Girl right now, it’s rumored you can’t even get a meeting with her without forking over at least twenty big ones. She’s never had a bad role in her career. Personally, my favorite movie she starred in was Mamma Mia, but like I said never a bad role,” Garcia paused for a moment, the sound of her typing filling the silence, “is it inappropriate for me to ask one of you to get her signature for-”

“Garcia,” Rossi interjected, “anything else we need to know about her right now?”

“Sorry sir, I promise to be on my best professional behavior. But come on, remember when she swept the Oscars three years-”

Hotch felt himself detach from the conversation yet again, staring out the window as memories of the two of you flooded his brain.

Three Years Ago

The team had just finished a grueling case in Georgia. It was long, taking nearly two weeks to catch the unsub, in which he had managed to murder three additional couples right under their noses. Inclement weather forced them to stay another night until the storm passed, leaving them all stranded by the airport. In a turnaround way, being stuck gave them the rare opportunity to relax and bond as a team. Rather than all disappear to their own rooms for the night, they all packed into one small hotel room. Boxes of Chinese takeout were littered around the room, along with various bottles of alcohol. The Oscars were on that night and Hotch knew you’d be on the screen at some point, not wanting to miss it he proposed watching it to the team and they all happily agreed. While it was difficult with their schedules to be avid movie goers, they all were relatively familiar with the contenders for big awards such as Best Picture and Best Actor.

You were nominated for two separate awards that night, along with starring in a film nominated for Best Picture. It had been a monumental year for you, with three separate feature films hitting theaters and all becoming major successes both financially and socially. You had spent so much time jet setting for press conferences and movie tours that you rivaled Aaron in terms of suitcase living.

“Everyone shut up! They’re about to do Best Supporting Actress, oh I just know it’s going to be Y/N. Emily agree with me! We saw her in Little Women together, I cried. Oh don’t give me that look Emily, you cried too and you know it!” Penelope said enthusiastically, waving her chopsticks around. It was rare that Garcia ever came with on a case, but the location had been in a remote part of the state and they wanted to avoid being unable to reach her and her technical wizardry; a fact she was particularly grateful for, had this watch party been happening without her, she would’ve been so jealous.

To anyone else, the grin on Hotch’s face would have been easily equated to the bickering going on between his friends and the effects of the few drinks he had thrown back. It was all for you though, he had caught glimpses of you on screen throughout the night and had snuck more than one glance at his phone to see the pictures of your outfit you’d sent him yourself. When the presenters walked on stage, Hotch sat up a bit straighter, his body naturally inching closer to the edge of his seat. The screen set up so the faces of all nominees and their reactions could be seen, Hotch’s eyes glued to the box you were in.

“And the winner of Best Supporting Actress goes to…,” the first presenter started, slowly opening the envelope they held, “Y/N L/N!” The crowd roared and the camera focused in on you sitting stunned in your seat, surrounded by coworkers and friends. The team was cheering too, the liquor in their system loosening everyone up. Hotch clapping uncharacteristically loud and long even went unnoticed by the others.

“I was right, I knew it!! I should start betting on this, you know what I bet I could hack into the system-” Garcia’s voice barely even registered in Hotch’s brain as he watched you. With one hand clasped over your mouth and the other holding your dress you made your way up the stairs and to the center of the stage.

“Wow,” you started, eyes wide as you stared down at the award in your hands, slowly you looked back up into the crowd and continued, “I really mean it when I say I wasn’t expecting this. I didn’t even prepare a speech, I’m so sorry,” you paused again, the biggest smile plastered on your face as you quickly wiped a few tears threatening to fall, “thank you all so much, for supporting me and letting me do what I love. Thank you to my fellow coworkers who pushed me in this project and thank you so much to the fans who give me the strength to do this every day. Thank you! Thank you so much!” You ended, making your way back towards your seat. Hotch grinned as you flashed a wide smile to the camera following you, throwing a flirty winky that he knew was just for him.

The rest of the night went by in a blur. When you won again for Best Actress, you were barely able to contain yourself on stage, tears flowing freely down your face as you gave your thanks. The joy you felt in that moment was unlike anything you’d ever experienced in your life. At just 24, you had become the first person ever to win both awards in the same night. Hotch had actually jumped out of his seat at your second win, a motion that confused the rest of the team, but the liquor in everyone’s system forced them to ignore it; more glad than anything to see Hotch loosening up for once.

After the team finally retreated into their own rooms for the night, Hotch wasted no time in texting you, asking if you were free to talk on the phone. His excitement palpable when not even a minute later your contact came up on the screen.

“Aaron,” your excited voice came through the phone, just being able to hear you eased tension he wasn’t even aware he had been carrying, “can you believe it!”

“Congratulations, Miss Double Oscar winner.” Even after a year of being together, his voice made you giddy. “Where are you?” He asked, unable to ignore the pounding sound of music and people in the background.

“After party, top secret location Mr. Agent. I’m in the bathroom! Am I allowed to tell you I definitely see some residue of a line on the counter,” your voice was slurred and rushed, the energy of the moment combined with the liquor in your system causing your mouth to move faster than your brain, “probably not, ignore that. Where are you?”

Aaron relayed various info about closing the case and what the team had gotten up to that night. When you began telling him about your night, he couldn’t help but feel insecure. Where he told you about $8 takeout meals and rural Georgia, you were talking about some of the biggest names in Hollywood and the luxury treatment you’d been subject to all night. He forced himself to focus on your voice anyway; not wanting to take this time ‘with’ you for granted. The two of you could’ve talked for hours, had it not been for Hotch pushing you to go enjoy the celebrations.

“I’m so proud of you angel,” he said softly, voice swelling with adoration, “I’ll see you soon, I promise.”

“I love you Aaron.”

“I love you too Y/N.”

When he finally hung up, he leaned against the wall with a sigh, running his hands through his hair. Relationship wise, it had been a tough year for the two of you. With your schedule busier than you’d ever expected, it meant seeing each other in person was nearly impossible. In good conscience you refused to take him away from Jack on the rare weekends he had off. Instead you’d fly in whenever possible, the two of you spending low profile nights together in fancy hotels or his house if Jack was away with friends. It was excruciating maintaining a relationship like this, but something about the success of the night made the sacrifices feel worth it.

Present Day

“Look into her dating history, any exes that would want to hurt her?” JJ asked, her question pulling Hotch back into the present. Adjusting to the constant publicity you were subject to had been a learning curve for Hotch, the first time the tabloids ran a story of you photographed with some Hollywood Hunk his bad mood had the entire team walking on eggshells for a week.

“According to my search she hasn’t dated anyone in years, or at least not publicly. I have a theory she’s secretly dating Henry Ca-.” Hotch zoned back out before Garcia could finish, having no interest in hearing or seeing whoever the media was speculating to be involved with you this time. Willing the plane to land faster, he ignored the faint voice in the back of his head that was telling him you were free to be with whoever you wanted.

----

“If you’d follow me Miss L/N, the BAU has set up in the back conference room, they’ve been waiting for you.” Officer Reynolds said, her back to you as you followed her down the hallway. It was nearly 9am and you had spent the better half of the morning hyping yourself up to see Aaron for the first time in nearly two years. You made last second adjustments to your outfit; an outfit you definitely hadn’t spent all of last night picking out because you definitely did not want to look good for Aaron Hotchner. As Officer Reynolds moved to open the door you held your breath, thanking the years of experience in manipulating your outward expressions. When four heads turned in unison to look at you, you let out a sigh of relief. Aaron wasn’t in the room.

“This is Y/N L/N. Miss L/N, meet the BAU,” Officer Reynolds said, extending her arm outwards towards the rest of the room, “I’ll leave you guys to do introductions, if you need anything, find me,” and with that she exited the room. A blonde woman stepped forward first, extending her hand out to you. You knew who she was before she even said her name.

“My name is Jennifer Jareau, I’m the media liaison with the BAU.” She said, she gave you the same smile all the other officers had been giving you, but unlike theirs that reeked of pity, something in Jennifer’s felt authentic to you. After shaking hands with her, the rest of the room took a moment to introduce themselves. You never thought you’d meet Aaron’s team like this. Over the years, he had shown you countless photos of the team, along with hundreds of stories and tidbits concerning their lives. Even though you knew they had probably spent the entire flight to LA looking at your life, it still felt as if you had some creepy advantage over the situation.

“The rest of our team, Agents Hotchner and Morgan, are currently doing some research in the field, but until they return we’d love to brief you and ask you a few questions, is that alright?” JJ asked, stepping backwards and motioning for you to take a seat at the round table.

“Of course,” you quickly replied, moving to take a seat; internally you were laughing at the irony of her asking if it was alright, what would you do, say no? Looking up at the other three members still standing you motioned for them to sit as well, “I don’t know if you’re doing it on purpose, but I’d prefer if you all sat down too,” you paused, before adding, “kinda makes me feel like I’m back at school.” They seemed to smile at that, everyone else moving to find a seat at the table. Before the silence could turn uncomfortable, JJ spoke up again.

“Does anyone else in your life know about the murders?”

You shook your head no before replying, “my agent knows just in case I have to go underground and my security guard is aware, but besides them and the police, I haven’t told anyone.”

“Go underground?”

“Uh yea, a few years ago I had a stalker. I went ‘underground’ for about three months and the guy seemed to give up. The police have already cleared him, he hasn’t been to LA in over a year,” you explained.

“That’s good to know. We want to keep your involvement in the case completely out of the media. I can only imagine you want that too,” JJ started, angling her body towards you, “I know you’re probably more than well versed in dealing with the press, but if anyone comes up to you asking about the murders we want you to completely disengage. And of course, don’t tell anyone else about what’s going on.”

“Alright, now that that’s settled, we just have a couple questions for you,” Emily asked as she stood up, opening up a file from the table, “so what can you tell us about-”

----

The dump site wasn’t showing any promise. Situated near a highway, the field was hidden from the road, yet still accessible by car. The constant stir caused by the speeding cars meant any leftover DNA or footprints were effectively blown away.

“Our guy’s gotta be fit. The drop into the field is just steep enough he would’ve had to carry the body at least fifty feet to get it here from the road. He could’ve rolled it, but the bodies were too pristine to have been dropped on the ground like that.” Derek said, looking over at Hotch. The two of them were standing at the edge of the road, looking down at the now empty field. “Not only that, but this is a nice spot. Normally places like this so close to a highway are filled with trash, do you think he might’ve cleaned up?”

Hotch was silent as he considered this, before slowly nodding, “it’d make sense if he did. Everything we have concerning his treatment to the victims post mortem has been nothing but affectionate.”

“Do you think there could be two unsubs?” Derek asked, when Hotch looked at him with mild confusion he continued, “All the victims were strangled to death, ME report assumes it was by hand. It takes a lot of strength and persistence to kill someone by hand like that, not only that but it’s intimate, he’s staring them in the face as he kills them. The level of care displayed here seems way more than just remorse.”

Hotch took another moment to consider Derek’s proposition before shaking his head, “we’ll keep it in mind, but it’s clear whatever connection he has to L/N is personal, at least to him. These women could be failing to replicate some part of her personality and in his rage he kills them. But when they’re silent and unmoving, their likeness to L/N lets him fall back into the fantasy, hence the care.”

“We should start heading back, Reid just texted me they’re almost done with the initial briefing with L/N, and we should meet her before she takes off for the day.” Derek said, putting his phone back in his pocket before turning on his heel to head back to the car. Hotch’s shoulders tensed at the idea of seeing you, looking back at the field once more. Giving the field one last look, he felt a shiver run up his spine at the idea of finding you in a field like this. Shaking the idea out of his, he turned to join Derek in the car.

Hotch took the driver's seat, glad to be able to use the road as a needed distraction from the impending face to face. The drive was only twenty minutes, but Hotch didn’t think any time would truly be long enough to prepare himself to see you again. He found himself wondering if anything would be different from the last time he saw you. Did you still smell the same? You had always been quite adamant about your preference for scented lotion, rather than perfumes. What if you completely changed your hair? Were you worrying about seeing him as much as he was?

“You think she’s gonna be easy to work with?” Derek asked, breaking Hotch out of his mental spiral.

“What do you mean?”

“Y/N, you know, “Hollywood’s It Girl”,” Derek explained, “if she’s as in demand as Garcia said she was-”

“While we work this case Morgan, I expect you to conduct yourself appropriately,” Hotch interjected, his voice tight, “we treat Y/N the way we would anyone else, do I make myself clear?” His eyes not leaving the road at all, knuckles tight around the steering wheel.

“Crystal,” Derek responded, raising his hands up in mock surrender.

As they turned into the parking lot, Hotch scanned the parking lot before finally noticing your car parked in the back of the lot. You used to always park as far as you could, constantly complaining about how people in parking lots stressed you out and you wanted to be able to drive in and out as easy as possible. The corners of his lips turned up, ever so slightly, thinking maybe nothing had really changed for you, at least in that regard.

“You go ahead, I’m just going to send a message to Jack real quick,” Hotch lied, pulling his phone from his pocket. Derek nodded and got out of the car, quickly entering the building. Hotch put his phone down in his lap and gripped the steering wheel once more. You were one of the few people to ever wind him up this way; it had been like that from the first day he met you, as if you managed to make him melt under your gaze. Five minutes, he would give himself five minutes to pull himself together before letting the Unit Chief in him take over.

----

“I’m sorry, I just, can I take a break,” you asked, looking up at the agents who were still grilling you about facets of your life you never would’ve considered relevant, “I just need to get some air.” Without really waiting for permission, you were pushing back on your chair to stand up. Slinging on your thin jacket you exited the room, heading for the entrance of the building. The agents had been kind, but you were starting to feel a bit useless. Each time they had a new theory, you came up short in terms of material for them to actually use. They kept reassuring you that what you were able to come up with was helpful, but you weren't convinced.

You had been in and out of this office so many times, your body went into autopilot as you made your way to the entrance, not even pausing to look up as you started to push open the door. What you missed was the distinct outline of a body pulling the door open at the same time. The added force made you stumble, nearly crashing straight into the man on the other side. Brown eyes met yours and you both froze, uncertain of what to say before speaking at the same time.

“Y/N.”

“Agent.”

-----

a/n - wow wow! things are gonna start moving in the next chapter, i promise. the response to ‘in the stars’ so far has been so heartwarming. ive said it before, but this is my first fic and i cant even fathom that people are actually interested in what im writing. your support means the world! im trying to get stuff written before university starts up again, but i dont want to nix quality for faster updates so if updates slow down im sorry! comments always appreciated. leave a reply or ask if youd like to be added to the taglist! if you requested before but arent added, just ask again i mustve missed it on accident

Taglist: @mac99martin @iwaizumiee @kylorendrip @hqtchner @lieswithoutfairytales @ssahoodrathotchner @midsummernightdream @weasleylovers @evans-dejong

no permission is given to republish or upload my fics anywhere else. if you see this story not on my tumblr or ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own criminal minds or any of the characters involved

#aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction #hotchner #in the stars #'stori writes #in the stars chapter 1

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mcarfield · 6 years ago

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McArfield fic (Tony night redux)

Ahahaha I am just FILLING EVERYTHING AT ONCE this is kinda combining the prompt for drunk Andrew/sober-ish James again with @jamespttr‘s suggestion that Andrew just start publicly calling James his boyfriend before James even realizes they’re dating, lol, and obliquely her idea that they figure out the way they feel about each other is NOT a typical side effect of playing Louis and Prior, lololol, and also i’m throwing in this prompt for “fic where james teases andrew abt his answer for the fmk question at the tonys!!!!!” for good measure, lolol, with maybe a smattering of someone else’s prompt for third-person POV lolol, except then i also saw that picture of james and andrew and it just competely scrambled my brain so idek anymore *just bakes a giant cake of this fluff *

_______

It takes a hilariously long time for James to begin to understand that this thing that they do isn’t Andrew’s ordinary thing that he does.

Like when Andrew comes to the stage door after the show and wraps his arms around James’ waist and bites his ear, and people at the stage door start asking them if they’re actually dating IRL, and James flushes and ignores the question but Andrew hums and winks at everyone at once, and James eyerolls and has to un-derail his thoughts.

Like when they’re at the Drama Desk Awards and Andrew uses up his entire time praising James, and then blows James a kiss that James automatically catches when he’s coming offstage, and then puts his hand in James’s and laces their fingers together when he sits back down, like that’s just the way they are.

Or like when Andrew starts ordering James’s drink for him at bars without asking because somewhere over the past two years he’s learned what James is having, and so it only makes sense to return the favor, and James finds himself fetching drinks for Andrew, to be met with a soft, “Thanks, babe,” and a quick kiss on the lips.

Or the time Andrew gets way too drunk at some party they’re at over in the Ace, and he just kind of wants James’s hands on him everywhere.

“You’re supposed to be an amazing dancer,” he says grumpily, trying to drag James onto the dance floor. “Why aren’t we dancing?”

“Well, I don’t just give it away,” James says, laughing and letting himself be tugged forward into the throng of bodies.

“You’ll give it to me, though,” Andrew tells him smoothly, confident as anything, and slinks against him like they do this all the time, and they don’t quite wind up making out on the dance floor, but it’s a very, very close thing.

Actors are constantly hooking up and fucking backstage, and James is no stranger to this lifestyle, but he is a bit thrown not long after that when people start giving him and Andrew space when they enter a room and find the two of them together, like they’ve interrupted something private.

“Did we turn a corner I missed?” he asks Andrew one night, tucking a lock of his hair back behind Andrew’s ear. They’re in Andrew’s dressing room, casually wrapped around one another, because that’s how they are, and Andrew hums and then snakes his hand up James’s shirtfront.

“While you weren’t looking, we took over the whole damn block,” he says calmly, and then he sinks to his knees and opens James’s trousers.

So then they’re fucking on the regular, and that’s something James isn’t altogether prepared to analyze, even if he did think it meant anything (it doesn’t), and even if he thought Andrew was prepared to deal with what it might mean for his straight-for-now status (he isn’t).

But it’s also good, good and natural and addictive, and, and dizzying. And that’s terrifying: James is the kind of guy who likes quick, simple, easy fucks, none of which this is; and it’s Andrew, and that’s even more terrifying; but it’s also Andrew’s body and hands and mouth and Andrew murmuring James’s name in that ethereal orgasmic voice; and Andrew’s perfectly Andrew-ish way of approaching sex. Like the way he will suddenly decide they should be having tantric sex or yogic sex without telling James first, or deciding to experiment with appendages that he then loses around James’s dressing room and has to spend a hilarious amount of time finding again because they tend to just fling stuff everywhere and deal with the fallout later.

And, and Andrew is Andrew, and James is leaving for Scotland after all of this is over, and nothing is set in stone, James knows that, and they’ve never talked about it, but then Andrew does some panel talk and refers to James as “my wonderful boyfriend, James McArdle,” and just completely glosses over the opportunity to clarify whether he means James and himself or Louis and Prior, despite the confusion of everyone around him.

And then Tony night, when Andrew jokes that he’ll marry Mark Rylance and then fuck all his other fellow nominees, and then slides his hand in James’s and says, “Unless someone brings me a better offer.”

“What, better than Mark Rylance?” James laughs. “You’re joking.”

“Well, I did say all my fellow nominees,” Andrew says. “Didn’t say which award.”

“You’ll have a long list of partners, then,” James says.

“And I’ll put you at the top,” Andrew says, staring shamelessly at James’s mouth.

Later, at the Carlye for the after party, he’s chatting with Joe and Zach about their favorite son of a bitch, and in the middle of kvetching about how difficult it is to stay in Louis’s headspace, he remarks, “And it’s so hard to sort out your own feelings from his, like, I don’t know how you and Stephen or you and Christian managed to extricate yourselves from what was happening onstage—” only to see them exchanging blank looks.

“Like, sexually, you mean?” Zach says. He laughs. “Christian and I never had that problem, I was already in a relationship, and we didn’t get wires crossed.”

“Stephen and I totally fell in love,” Joe says, “in a way, you know — like, we still talk all the time, we’re still incredibly close friends. But, no, we never confused our feelings for the character’s.”

“But you were playing them for so long,” James says, feeling like someone’s sucked all the air out of his lungs.

Joe looks at him and snorts. “I think you should probably go have a chat with your boyfriend,” he laughs.

James laughs, gobsmacked. “Apparently, I should.”

He doesn’t have to wait long, because Andrew finds them and beelines into James’s side. He curls his arm around James’s waist, and James follows suit automatically.

“Hey, lover,” Andrew says, kissing James’s cheek, and James unthinkingly presses a kiss against his forehead before his brain suddenly grinds to a halt.

Oblivious next to him, Andrew is asking, “Have the three of you had some kind of ceremonial wisdom exchange? Have you imparted unto my one and only all the secrets of prior Louises?” He giggles. “Prior Louises!”

“Oh, yes,” ZQ says sagely, casting a shrewd glance at James. “I think we’ve given him a full dose of our combined homosexual fairy dust.”

“Ooh,” says Andrew. He turns to James. “Sounds kinky,” he says. “I hope I get some of that glitter on me later.”

“You are a walking glitter stick,” says James.

“Then you’d better take me home and crack me open,” says Andrew calmly.

There’s a beat where James just stands there, his hands on Andrew’s waist, adjusting to the surreal reality that they’re here, they’re doing this, and he looks like a possessive boyfriend because he is one.

He takes a breath, turns and nods, “Gentlemen,” to Quinto and Joe, and silently pivots Andrew away from them and out of the room.

“Oh!” Andrew says. “You’re taking me somewhere, where are we going?” He laughs. “Actually, you’re frogmarching me, how adorable.” He lets James half-tug, half-shove him along the corridor and away from the party into the men’s lounge, which is not an ideal place to have this conversation but is, at least for the moment, empty.

“Ooh, privacy,” Andrew says.

The moment the door shuts, he turns to James and says, “You look so amazing tonight, I just want—” and kisses him, full and deep. James slides his hands around Andrew’s waist and kisses back for an intoxicating, breathless moment until he forces himself to focus and pulls back.

“Andrew,” he says, cupping Andrew’s cheek. “People are going to come in here, they’re going to see us together, they’re going to make assumptions. Is that what you want?”

“Yes,” says Andrew, “Now kiss me some more.”

“I am—” James laughs a little hysterically. “I am desperate to do that, but you’re a little drunk, babe.”

“Ugh,” says Andrew. “You’re so good at this, why do I have such amazing taste in sexual partners, I always get people who respect me when I want them to shag me.”

“Let me take you home and I’ll respect you all night,” James murmurs, pressing a kiss against his temple.

Andrew pulls back. “We’ve never done that, you’ve never stayed at my place.”

“You’ve never invited me.”

Andrew blinks at him. “I dunno how to do this,” he says blankly.

“What is this?” James asks him, honestly unsure.

“Be your boyfriend,” Andrew says, and James feels gut-punched for the second time that night.

“You’re leaving for Scotland,” Andrew says, pressing himself against James’s chest, “We’re not supposed to be doing this, I told everyone I was straight, and you should have won a Tony instead of me.”

“I don’t think those all connect up logically,” James says, pressing a kiss against Andrew’s wonderful, perfect mouth.

“James,” says Andrew, expelling James’s name in a plaintive little sigh. “You know I, we, this isn’t just—it’s not, right?”

James takes Andrew’s hands in his and stills him. “I know, sweetheart,” he says.

“Good,” Andrew says. “Because it’s really, really, really not.”

James smiles and kisses him. Beside them, the door opens and immediately whoever’s behind them sputters, “Oh! Oh, gosh, sorry, I—”

Andrew breaks away and beams, “No, no, come in, I’m just making out with my boyfriend.”

James turns apologetically to the person beside them — who is, of course, Andrew Lloyd Webber.

“Sir,” says James dumbly. “I mean—My Lord? Sorry. Er. Sorry. We were just, er, sorting some things out.”

Andrew grins and presses a kiss to James’s cheek. “We’re boyfriends,” he tells Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber in a conspiratorial voice. “You’re only the third person to know.”

Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber looks between them.

“No,” he says mildly, a gleeful smirk spreading across his features. “I’m pretty sure we all knew.”

#mcarfield fic #mcarfield #in my head mark rylance is this ship's unseen fairy godfather lolol

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struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor · 3 years ago

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Award shows are so fucking stupid. Isn’t that why we care less and less about them as time goes on? Whatever award show it is, I care about 1% of the nominees at best. I don’t listen to that many artists overall, but when I look at the nominees, I always recognize a few songs and think to myself ‘What a joke. I can name at least a few songs I think are better’. I also don’t understand how people are nominated. If it’s ‘popularity�� and ‘impact’, a lot of popular, influential artists are left out of consideration, and if it’s about ‘quality’, not only is quality subjective, but even artists who are both impactful and make music considered of quality are ignored (biggest example would be The Weeknd + The Grammys). Like, honestly, not to mention the xenophobia, homophobia, misogyny, traditionalism, etc. of the music industry.

I don’t think deciding who gets nominated is easy, but it’s also clear there is a serious issue with the nomination process. It the nomination process were more transparent and coherent people wouldn’t fight over it all the time (not that the industry cares about integrity lol). I think when it comes to pop music, people have some sort of intuition that allows them to differentiate between ‘popular’ or ‘catchy’ and ‘quality’. Like, it’s all subjective, but usually we intuitively know what sounds fresh and unconventional, we recognize meaningful lyrics, we appreciate quality production, sincerity, artfulness, etc. This is why most of us would say someone like The Weeknd is more Grammy worthy than Justin Bieber, right?

Anyway... I’m just ranting for no reason. I actually saw the Melon nominees and honestly felt like laughing. TXT won best MV for I Know I Love You, which is honestly not that great, when Frost was right there (the MV wasn’t released that long ago though); I love TXT, but was that MV all that great? Not really. The SOTY nominees were overall terrible. None of those songs felt unique, and none of them apart from Butter, will leave any kind of mark. Celebrity is one of IU’s most lackluster songs and won’t have the impact Good Day, for example, had. I’d say Next Level had real impact though. Only that one and Butter (from the list) had impact, and not just good sales or whatever. And, like, I can name a bunch of idol songs that were ‘musically’ superior. Drunk-Dazed was amazing; I don’t know if these could’ve been nominated but Don’t Call Me and I Can’t Stop Me were amazing imo; God’s Menu was revolutionary. Criminal, Idea, Advice.. Taemin had such a good year in 2020/beginning of 2021 and got no recognition for it. I wouldn’t expect any of those songs to win SOTY but they deserved a nomination maybe? Hey kid, Close your eyes is great too, and Nakka was very cool. I did like Happen, but it’s also very whatever. Butter isn’t a masterpiece, but it’s kinda obvious why it would be SOTY. Compared to the other nominated songs, it was big everywhere and not really worse ‘musically’.

I dunno, overall, as an international fan who mostly only knows idol music, these nominations were a joke to me. Maybe the Korean public feels differently. If it’s all about sales, what is even the point? We know which songs performed better in that regard. (Ironic coming from someone defending Butter, I know.) Also, I’m gonna be that whiny person and say that I don’t care how great of a year IU had, I know BTS released 3 songs only, but they made it t the top of Billboard’s end of the year song charts (or whatever), hit number 1 on Billboard with all 3 songs, just performed 4 epic sold-out shows, had a collab with two very big names in pop, won AOTY at the AMAs (first Asian act to do so), spoke at the UN, were appointed Special Envoys by the President, were nominated for the second time at the Grammys, etc. As artists they had the biggest impact and broke down barriers in the US. Musically, it wasn’t their best year in terms of quantity or even quality, but BE was also included in MMA’s calculations, so like, BTS deserved that award. IU deserved it, I believe it, especially from the perspective of music released, but yeah, I still think BTS deserved it. The difference is that IU had an amazing year that was very standard for IU as one of the most beloved artists in Korea, while BTS had an amazing year and reached new heights internationally, It’s hard for me to be objective when it comes to BTS but they are one of the best in many categories. Just talking about performance, Dynamite wasn’t best performance worthy last year, but no one had a choreography, song and overall show stopping performance like Black Swan or ON. Very few groups sing live or have an outstanding dance line, or even interesting choreographies. Butter is not super elaborate, but the dance break is amazing and the choreography is elegant, appealing, cool, and fresh. I don’t care if saying BTS deserve “all” the awards makes me sound bitter or delusional or uncaring about other idols’ work or whatever. I only agree to BE losing album of the year, but not because it was worse than Lilac. Both albums were comparable - a bit generic, GP friendly, as they say, safe; there are pretty songs I prefer in Lilac, but BE was more interesting imo. Either way, AKMU’s Next Episode or Shinee’s Don’t Call Me were also comparable. If we’re talking about best album, we’re a year late, but D2 was miles better than any album nominated this year and Daewchita could’ve won SOTY and best MV going by quality and impact alone lol. (Joking, it couldn’t have won against BTS, but didn’t it deserve a nomination?)

TL;DR: One can never win with award shows... Either your faves win and you’re happy or they don’t and you complain, like me. Recognizing an artist’s work is important to them and to the fans, but at this point award shows are not it.

#bts #mma 2021 #this is word vomit #might be considered toxic to some ppl #is it?#dunno #writing down these thoughts gets them out of my head and that's why I do it #text

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