#they trust each other to understand the other before the assumptions

[ask-codeearasure]

STOP LEAVING THIS SHIT IN THE TAGS I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD DUDE

This is the kind of shit that wakes me up from the afternoon sluggishness, the mindset of "fuck everyone I'm not going to work today and everything is shit".

Jesus Christ I'm gonna get you one day. I will make myself an idiot sandwich when I do. I will make you understand the brainrot you curse me with, the dull sense of fascination I feel about these faggots, stages and headcanons and all.

It has become a great point of borderline-obsession for me to imagine Stage 1 and Stage 2's complicated dynamics with Color before they finally both understand he's got no ulterior motives. Then they turn against each other full-force because Stage 1 is a wuss with attachment issues.

I think it would be funny if Stage 2 is the Stage that starts trusting Color first, no apprehensive questions asked, and then Stage 1 starts having a fucking conniption over it, like they don't understand what the fuck #2 is doing or why so they automatically assume the worst when really #2 is just happy to finally have a guy that doesn't treat him like the odd one out or try to alienate him over premeditated assumptions.

#1 recognizing Color is safe and trustworthy is the equivalent to strangling themself to not fuck up the one good thing they have going for them while #2 would appear to just accept it, like a simple "okay" while he's constantly making calculations about the what-ifs anyway. They're both paranoid, but #2 picked up the habit of scheming so he always has a semblance of a plan if anything goes wrong while #1 constantly obsesses over the potential of everything going to shit, not so much how they'd react aside from breaking down, running away, and maybe finding a way to finally die.

Color gives #2 basic fucking respect then goes beyond that as they keep interacting and #2 finds he likes that a lot actually, only for #1 to try and sabotage their relationship through their paranoid bullshit.

And like, I'm not saying #1 has no reason to be this way, they do, it's all just popping up at the wrong time where these behaviors and habits aren't necessary anymore.

#2 is bound to get pissed at #1 openly at some point. He just wants to be around his pookie and chill, no bloodshed needed, and the constant hot-and-cold, yes-and-no, will they-won't they, push-and-pull attitude #1 resorts to makes him realize that maybe, just maybe, he's gonna have to invest in a notebook to start communicating with this bitch thoroughly. Cause his main man, his one trusted guy being pushed away is not doing them any favors and he wouldn't know what to do if Color had enough at some point and just left like #1 seems to want.

So they have this back-and-forth for several months while Stage 3 is the one actually chilling. It gives no fucks about the other two imbeciles, it's enjoying every minute it spends with Color, but may or may not scream when #1 or #2 try to switch in.

...imagine what a blend of #2 and #3 would act like. I think they'd be extremely clingy to Color, maybe hug him with their entire body and stay like that even as he's moving around doing his own thing, but retains the #2 behaviors of studying everything that piques their interest and not responding to much emotional stimuli, and all while they're heavily dissociating. Once separate, neither of them remember where they got that information but just accept it.

ANYWAYS I hate these fucking people, I should stick them in the pear wiggler and lock the door behind them.

#2 I believe, while he's trying to do better through his bond with Color, still has manipulative habits compulsively. He knows he has an issue with that but the problem is he doesn't recognize the hows and why's. But #1 does and reacts the completely wrong way in getting anyone to notice the signs. They are set in fucking over #2 when what #2 actually needs is a clear reference in how he can change these behaviors.

He really does value Color, all of them do, but he feels like at this point in time he's the only one actually being productive about it and that's gonna be another reason why he's so infuriated with #1.

He's trying to get better for his own sake, taking notes and observing Color's needs as well so he can stick by him more effectively. If only #1 stopped destroying those notes under the pretense #2 still thinks of Color as a jumbo-sized lab rat and not the most reliable ride-or-die in existence.

I am waiting for the time #2 finally snaps openly and Color receives a rant about #1 being a bitch while he's stuck in sleep paralysis. That would be one hell of a way to find out yo boy's got suppressed issues he's struggling to sort out himself.

-- Sarco

the way stage 1 handles the other stages and advises others to the same is just both hilarious and sad

“Yeah no don’t trust me when im like that. im sure being told that everything i do or attempt to express is just me manipulating and lying won’t have consequences”

“oh yeah just kill me when im like that. what? I tried to defend myself against being murdered and killed when I was like that? gee golly im just so insane and crazy and violence is all I know you simply must kill me”

“what? hiding this part of myself and trying to suppress and resist it and pretend it doesn’t exist has consequences in that it will only make itself more know the more I resist?..I need to hide all evidence of its existence even more! In fact you should kill me before i ever become like that!”

like is it any wonder you feel so threatened in other stages when you actively turn others against you and encourage them to dehumanize and demonize you, thinking you’re doing anyone any good

[impossible-rat-babies]

eyrie and y’shtola I say as I’m kicking my feet like a schoolgirl over their friendship

[andy-wm]

This is it

That one true thing.

That single action that makes the closeness of their relationship irrefutable for me...

They've captured it here.

I doubt they intended to. It's such a tiny detail it could easily be missed, hardly be noticed.

But it's more validating of their intimacy than anything I've seen before.

And no it's not the spooning, or that Jimin is, despite assumptions, always the big spoon.

Look at their feet.

NOT LIKE THAT 🤦‍♂️

I'm serious.

Watch....

Do you see it?

Here, this might be easier:

Do you see it now?

Yes yes, i know, but let's move past the TMI. We all know how much they like to play footsie.

But theres more to it...

As jimin rolls over and swings his left leg over JK's hip, his right leg straightens so that his foot can nestle into the soles of JK's feet. So he can connect them from end to end. It's a single fluid movement, it's automatic. He doesn't even think about it.

Because it's what they do.

And the point of this is not just that it happened so automatically ...

...it's the way he knows - his body knows - exactly where JK's foot will be.

There's no hesitation. No need for him to look down, or to feel around to find JK's foot. Jimin's body knows exactly where his foot must go so it will slip into place. His unconscious mind has mapped JK's body, and it knows the length of JK's limbs in relation to Jimin's own.

It's not just Jimin doing this, its JK too.

Do you notice how still JK lies? The exact angle and direction of his legs, the degree of rotation of his hip? They dont change. He knows how he fits against Jimin's body. He has placed himself in position and presumably called jimin over to take the photo.

Just like Jimin's, JK's body remembers how they connect together. He has no need to shift - to accommodate or adjust - when Jimin slides in behind him. He knows how he fits with Jimin so they can be close and comfortable.

In fact, even though jimin misjudged his landing and knocked his head on JK's (maybe because they're on a moving boat) JK holds his position. His angles don't change at all.

Look at JK's feet.

See how he holds them up and slightly apart? That's him waiting for Jimin's foot to slot into place. Even when Jimin whacks into him, JK doesn't drop his feet onto the deck where they would rest comfortably. He holds that awkward posture, knowing that in a moment Jimin will be in place and when he is, JK can relax his feet and they will both lie comfortably.

Its such a tiny thing. A seemingly arbitrary detail. But it tells me so much.

It tells me this is real.

And it's long term.

More than flights from Paris to Seoul, or naked flirting on Weverse live, or even JK watching Jimin edits on Youtube with ARMY.

More than hickeys, or ear sucking, or JK staring at Jimin's ass like he's a starving man and that ass is a banquet just for him...

More than any of those LOUD things they do that are just moments in time.

This tells me they are together.

Why?

Because this is muscle memory.

The unconscious awareness of your partner's body in relation to yours, awareness of the exact position that will be most comfortable and satisfying for both of you... that doesn't happen overnight.

That happens over time.

Seeing them like this tells me they don't just share a bed, they share themselves like they belong to each other.

It tells me they fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, and have done so for years.

You may dismiss it. You might scoff or shrug or frown and say, "What, THAT?!? Really?"

YES. REALLY.

Trust me, even if you haven't had this yourself.

This is comfort.

This is home.

This is how they mould themselves into one.

This is true intimacy.

This is real

And I understand, it might seem like nothing.

If you haven't slept in your lovers embrace, pressed tight to them so you fit like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, because even a whisper of air between you is too much... it might seem like nothing.

If you haven't intertwined yourselves every night from your toes to your lips, determined to stay tangled together even when your muscles protest, it might seem like nothing.

But i hope one day when you experience it - when you know for yourself the bliss and belonging that happens when home becomes a person - I hope you remember this post.

Whatever they are to each other

Whatever love means to them

It is so very real

💛❤️‍🔥💜

[mvrkieboo]

Old Bloodhounds

P32 | i am now a proud uchinaga 🫶🏻

You're sat beside the window, observing what was happening on the outside of the café (a girl walking her dog, a guy waiting to cross the road, a guy sitting on the bus stop bench) as you waited for the others to arrive. To your surprise, Aeri came in just right after you. You waved at her, pointing at the spot next to you. She lit up almost instantly, practically jogged to take the seat next to you.

She gave you a side hug, tucking her own head under your chin, making you giggle.

"I'm so glad you're opening up to us now, but if you feel like changing your mind, we won't put it against you." She said, placing a hand on your shoulder blade.

You let out a small smile.

"If I change my mind, I'll be losing Yangyang." You spoke quietly, and saw how her smile completely turned upside down.

"Yangyang's being unreasonable, Y/N. Seriously. Why would he put your friendship on the line like that? It's very—"

"Childish? Immature? Selfish? Self-centered? Trust me, I've said it all to him but it didn't get past his thick ass skull." Xiaojun's voice intercepted Aeri's, and both of you looked up to see both him and Yangyang were here now.

Yangyang didn't even bother to send him a dirty look and quickly took the seat across yours, with Xiaojun now designated to sit across Aeri. The waitress, finally seeing your table was now at 4 people, decided to come over with the menus to take your orders.

When the waitress left, you placed your arms on the table.

"Yangs."

"Y/N."

"Do you have anything to say to me? You know, just to get things out of the way first?" You smiled lopsidedly, not in that bad of a mood because you got to spend some time with Mark and Yuno yesterday, alongside Geonwoo and Woojin.

You had a blast introducing them to each other, mainly because Mark and Yuno's assumption of your neighbours being your sugar daddies nearly brought you to tears while Geonwoo and Woojin looked very apprehensive. They were basically your foster parents at one point in your life, when they had to fund your senior year in highschool. Like the cram school fees, bringing you along for a late back-to-school shopping, and Geonwoo's mom housing you before you got into college.

Sugar daddies? That's insulting.

And coincidentally, the sugar daddy misconception began with the very man before you—Liu Yangyang.

"I don't know—do you have anything to say to me first?"

Stubborn, capricious, prideful Yangyang.

With a very hard jab on the ribs, via Xiaojun's very sharp elbows, his composure slipped away with a pathetic yelp. Xiaojun put his face near Yangyang's, a pointer finger stabbing into Yangyang's shoulder while Xiaojun spoke through gritted teeth.

"You do have something to say, dipshit, and you're saying it first."

Yangyang continued groaning for a few seconds more before straightening his back.

"Alright, I'm sorry!—and this apology isn't forced, I swear. Berating you in the groupchat while you were handling the witch hunt was a dick move, and for this time I'll try to understand you if you decide to back out of this. After narrowly escaping being stabbed by Xiaojun last night, I finally understood that whatever it is you're trying to keep to yourself, it's obviously something very personal to you—but it's just...I just got really frustrated with the situation you were going through on your behalf and got insecure, so I lashed out on you." Yangyang rambled, but it wasn't fast paced and frenzied, it was slow and thought through, even though he didn't give you the chance to interrupt him.

You took hold of Yangyang's hand on the table.

"Yangyang, I'm sorry too, for making you feel insecure. I do consider you my close friend—sometimes I consider you a very annoying twin brother figure even. The things I've kept to myself aren't because I don't trust you, but it's something I haven't been able to move on yet. At least, not completely. I'm glad Xiaojun managed to beat you into understanding that."

Yangyang huffed out a scoff, "Oh, please. Xiaojun got to beat me yesterday because I didn't fight back. Otherwise—"

"Otherwise I could still beat your ass, motherfucker. Shut the fuck up." Xiaojun intercepted, and it had all four of you bursting out into laughter because of how much of a hardass he embodied for that line.

When all of you calmed down, you squeezed Yangyang's hand, pulling his attention.

"Okay, now that's out of the way, I guess I have to start explaining what exactly happened to me all those years ago."

"Y/N, if you're not ready—" Aeri placed her hand on your side, looking a little conflicted. She was glad that you were letting them in but also worried that you might've felt forced to do this.

"No, I'm ready. I am now."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"I'm sorry, if you felt like you were forced to share this. The fact that you haven't finished processing this trauma yet..." Yangyang spoke in a serious manner, looking ashamed with himself.

"It's okay, Yangyang. Honestly, I had to stop acting like it never happened every time I'm with you guys. Especially now that Yuno and Mark are back into my life. I was going to have to fully acknowledge it at one point." You shook your head at Yangyang's nth apology for today, flashing him a smile that was not at all forced.

You looked outside the window for a moment, not noticing the guy you saw sitting on the bus stop bench from earlier was still there, sitting there still.

"It's not okay. I accused the guys who practically adopted you when you had nobody else to be your sugar daddies. God, if they knew I was the one who started this sugar daddy bullshit, they'd hate me...I don't wanna make a bad impression on them..." He groaned, and Xiaojun and Aeri also looked ashamed, because they had fed into that bullshit alongside him.

You laughed at their faces, bewildered with Yangyang's words.

"A bad impression? Yangyang, you're not meeting my parents or something. Besides, they already know about you guys, I talk about you often when I'm with them."

"I am practically about to meet your parents. These dudes took you in, helped put you back on your feet, and are still watching over you even when you're all grown now. I can imagine shitting my pants if they're ever right in front of me right now." Yangyang groaned again, rubbing his hands on his face just imagining how muscular these dudes could be as former MMA athletes.

"They'd like all of you in an instant, guys. Don't worry too much." You cooed before consuming the last bite of your pasta.

prev | masterlist | next

A/N : have fun with this fluff y'all! it's not gonna last long! cus im getting bored of y/n being so at ease and happy and safe. need this bitch to suffer.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

• taglist • [CLOSED]

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[streets-in-paradise]

In These Arms - Achilles x (Fem) Trojan!Reader

Warnings: Paris dumped the reader for Helen before she gets to meet Achilles. Includes break up angst + discussion of cheating.

Summary: Heartbroken and publicly humilliated after being abandoned by Paris, you seek peace in the promise of giving up on men without realizing the consequences of his actions would find you one last time.

Turned into a war prisoner and handled to the leader of the myrmidons, the unusual comfort of your master offers you a second chance.

Note: Inspired by two prompt lists by my dear friend @alysinwonderland-at-tea

Angst list - Prompt 4 " Everyone told me you were going to break my heart. I should have listened to them. "

Fluff list - Prompt 2 "I think about you. Ceaselessly."

Tags: @lovelybaka

If everyone else in Troy had reasons for sorrow, on top of theirs you were the most damaged. The man you loved had returned home bringing someone else on his charriot. A stolen queen, woman you didn't have the slightest chance of comparing yourself to given the charm of her famously inhuman beauty. Even when Paris never made any expressed promises priorly, love confessions had once been mutually retributed and you believed in that.

You trusted him going against the advice of many people who attempted to warn you. His own brother had told you that no matter how much he spoke of it, Paris knew nothing about love. Blinded by your feelings, you didn't care, and it turned out the worst mistake of your life.

" Everyone told me you were going to break my heart. I should have listened to them. "

It took you all the strenght you had left not to cry, but at that moment of confrontation it was him the one sobbing in front of you.

" I never meant to! Dear, what I felt for you was real … But it wasn't true love, and I had no way to tell the difference untill I meet Helen. "

You couldn't believe the excuse that was being given to you.

" It was for me, Paris … and because of you I think I will never love again. I gave you everything, but turns out all I am wasn't enough. "

The assumption seemed to have offended him.

" You know I don't mean that! Please, try to understand! "

" What's left to understand? You betrayed your homeland and you betrayed me. You too deserve each other, indeed: a cheater for a cheater … Lovely couple to doom us all! And me the first."

He gave you a hurted look, as if after what he did he still cared for your forgiveness.

" My heart breaks for you, and i am ashamed of myself for the pain i'm causing you … But what can shame do to stop the intensity of love? I would have never accompanied Hector to Sparta if I would have known there I would fall like this for someone else. I couldn't return pretending nothing have happened, and making you live a lie would have been even more unfair than this. You deserve better, I still hold good feelings for you. I swear it on these arms that had comforted you countless times before. "

Paris attempted to pull you closer for a hug, but you stopped him ríght away.

" You humilliated me in front of the entire city! And how strongly I wish I could get granted the mercy of never seeing you again, but Troy is not big enough for that. Blessed is the king of Sparta, who gets the ríght of spreading hate without having to see his wife in the arms of other man every day! Me, instead? I get doomed to watch you smile happyly from afar in the balcony of the palace alongside your mistress for the rest of my life. Do you call that justice, Paris? If that is your mercy, I would rather get your hate. "

In the most twisted way possible, the gods granted at least one of your wishes.

Promising yourself to never love another man ever again after your first love had ended so bitterly, you took the first step into the only path allowed for a woman in your position. With the help of Briseis, who remained your friend despite what happened with her cousin, you seeked to get choosen to take vows in her temple. It was a quick way to restitute your honor in the public eye and be left alone as well. Unfortunately, you didn't get to even try on the priestess robes before the concecuencies of Paris' actions reached you once more.

Greek warriors brought to avenge the husband of his new lover destroyed the temple, killing the priests and taking you prisioner. You would never get to see the great city of Priam again and, despite the sorrow you felt when thinking of your family, that also caused you a dark sense of relief. Because of Paris you have lost everything, even the most bassic of goods such as your freedom. Only after loosing so much, of hitting rock bottom, you had a real chance to be free of him.

Enslaved to Achilles, but liberated from everything you were before, the worst part was having to stand the provocations. The myrmidon enjoyed himself attempting to seduce you, but wasn't forcing you into his bed, and that worked good enough for you in that context.

At one given time you did found his teasing going too far, and only then you became fully honest with him.

" Why did you choose to love a god? I think you will find the romance one sided. "

It made your blood boil, even if you could tell he spoke to you like that because he had no idea of who you were despite knowing your name. Achilles believed to be teasing a priestess and in the discoverment of his mistake you ended up laying eyes on him for longer than you should.

He was wearing the same type of long egyptian styled robes Paris would typically wear in the domestic environment, keeping arms and shoulders covered while fully exposing the torso. It was matched with the same sort of long skirt made of light fabrics opened at the side for more cassual expousure. You could vividly remember he wore a black outfit almost identical to that one during the first night you made love.

And yet, that man looked nothing like him. His sun kissed skin and the sculpted muscles were as contrasting as his blond hair and blue eyes.

" I have choosen nothing, fate forced me to seek shelter in the cult of Apollo after being abandoned by the love of my life. I told myself that, if i could never love again, I could at least give my devotion to the regent god of my city. Because of you I never got to become a priestess, so now i'm a double spoil: rejected for marriage and dragged out of the temple. "

Although standing ríght in front of you, disbelief faded some of the cockiness.

" You won't be rejected here, that's a promise. I had a minor altercate with Ajax because we found you so pretty we both wanted to keep you."

He sat on the ground ríght next to you and observed you with tenderness before taunting you once more.

" Did I ruin your life, or arrived just in time to restaure your faith in men? I don't understand how a girl like you could think of running to hide inside a temple instead of getting herself a better man. "

You answered with the truth, but carefully crafting enough disdain.

" There was nothing I could have done to keep him with me when the competition was the most beautifull woman in the world. The majority of men would have done the same, and that's why I have choosen not to believe in any other ever again. "

Achilles wasn't expecting to find out he was struggling for the attention of the woman that the trojan prince had left behind in his pursuement of the spartan queen.

" Will all mankind pay for the crimes of Paris? That bastard is not even a man. You are so much better without him, consider that perhaps the queen has made you a favor. If he is your reason to give up on men, I have to say it's quite offensive for the rest of us. "

You could tell where his speech was coming and you tried to stop him.

" You would have given me to Ajax if Briseis wouldn't have ran away. I didn't left with her only because I have nothing left to live for. Living in Troy is unbereable for me, but at least here I don't have to worry about seeing them and that's the only perk i expect. Don't try to pretend you could be any different, specially when I'm here because you couldn't find any other more beautifull slave girl to claim yours. "

His hand was then on your face, lifting up your chin so your eyes won't leave his as his thumb caressed your lips.

" I think of you, ceaselessly. If there is any daughter of trojan judged more beautifull than you, I don't need to know and I don't care, because I want you over any other. "

Your hand followed his and pulled down, rejecting his contact.

" Sweet lies won't win me over, not this time. "

It frustrated him, but wouldn't make him desist.

" Would you believe me if I bring you his head on a spear? I can make him cry a painfull death to pay for your tears. Whatever vengeance Menelaus dreams of would be called mercy compared to what I can do to that trojan bastard in your name."

The strange rush of passionate defense encouraged you to reveal yourself.

" Revenge is not on my interest, all I want is to forget. Can you make me stop thinking of the first man who made my heart beat? The moments when we were happy still haunt me like a disease of the spirit, but then I remember someone else occupies my place now and it's like my heart gets eaten raw inside my chest. Pain and regret is all I have for you, son of Peleus. Paris drained me of anything else. "

Achilles got rid of his black robe and wrapped your shoulders with it.

" One night in my arms is all i think that would take me to vanish the memory of that fool from your mind. You haven't yet been loved by a real man: whatever he gave you would taste like few once you would have tasted me."

The fabric was still warm from the contact with his skin and he was holding both sides of it on top of your chest in an attempt of wrapping you tighter.

You didn't try to escape him that time and he used the new proximity in his advantage to trap you in his strong grip, pushing your body against his.

" In this arms you will find happiness again, if you allow me to show you how good I can do just for you. "

[aliesbienish]

A study of wolves: part six

chapter one ✩ chapter two ✩ chapter three ✩ chapter four ✩ chapter five

“I’m sorry, but that’s not going to happen Lauren. I’m not interested in you like that,”

“Are you kidding?” She hissed, “and you’re interested in her?” Pointing a sharped clawed finger in your direction.

You prepared yourself for a polite no, but when Paul opened his mouth you thought you had misheard him.

“Absolutely.”

“Absolutely?” You queried as Lauren gaudy heels clicked away. “You didn’t have to say that, I’d have understood if you wanted to see her. We’re done with dinner anyway,”

“Trust me I didn’t say it because we’re busy, my answer would have been a no regardless.”

“And the other part?” Paul cocked in his head in confusion. “Telling her you’re interested in me? Was that just to get her off your case?”

It was amazing how insecure you were feeling, but you couldn’t help compare yourself to the blonde who just departed. The girl, while maybe a tad over the top, was clearly your typical small town beauty queen. Her platinum blonde hair, shiny clothes and pointed nails were of a stark contrast to your mud covered khaki and plaited hair littered with twigs. It felt like you were back in high school and that thought made you nauseas.

Normally you were more sure in yourself, but despite knowing Paul only a few days he seemed to destroy your sensibilities. For some reason your heart, despite your brains best logic, seemed to think that Paul could change the course of your future. You weren’t sure you were ready for the answer.

“Sorry, sorry. You absolutely don’t have to answer that. We can revert right back to before Lauren came over and pretend none of this happened if you like! I totally understand I’m probably not the type of girl you are usually in to, so don’t worry no need to let me down gently,”

“[Y/n],” he stated ending your panicked rambling. Grabbing onto your hand, he used his other to turn your blushing face so you were making eye contact. “Why wouldn’t you be the girl I’m typically interested in?”

“I know you don’t know me very well but this is it. I don’t have a girly, giggly side. I’m not the typical girl guys go for, especially guys like you.”

“Like me?”

“Well yeah. Attractive, smart, funny guys like you. I’m not their go to type,”

“You are assuming a lot about me, while simultaneously undermining how amazing you are. You aren’t doing either of us any favours.”

“What assumptions am I making?”

“My type in woman. Why did you think I was lying? I said nothing but the truth to Lauren.”

“But that means you’re…”

“Absolutely interested in you.”

“Oh. Can I ask why?”

“You can, but just know that it hurts me that you think it’s a valid question. I am interested in you because you are amazingly witty, so much so prior to the last five minutes I haven’t wiped the smile from my face. I’m interested because you are so insanely intelligent and passionate about what you do. I’m interested because you are openly kind and caring, and I can see how interested you are while still carefully respecting my boundaries. And I’m interested because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve seen, mud and all,”

“Right, is that all?” You gulped trying to make a joke, but instead your voice came out shaky and high pitched.

“Not even close. So now that I’ve made it abundantly clear how I feel, just tell me if I screwed up by clueing you in.” It was Paul’s turn to look anxious as he tried to pull back his hand still locked in yours.

You grabbed onto it, linking your fingers together. “No, you didn’t screw up. Quite the opposite really. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since we meet. But don’t you think this is crazy, we have known each other for a few days? I’m not sure we should be feeling like this,”

“Just because it seems fast doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“I can’t imagine this ever feeling wrong,” You declared, biting your lips in anticipation.

“Me either, so who cares if some arbitrary rules say this is too fast. At risk of sounding like a cliche - if you know you know - and it sounds like we both know,”

“So does that mean we’re all in?”

“Absolutely,” Paul muttered as he placed his hand on the back of your head, gently pulling you towards him while giving you ample time to stop. Instead you leaned in pressing your lips gently to his. You could swear you felt sparks, and somehow kissing over discarded plates of chips in the corner of a small dinner was the best moment of your life.

“Well let’s hope we follow our subject matter.” You muttered as you reluctantly pulled away, “did you know wolves mate for life?”

Paul chuckled, you have no idea he thought.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"That's hilarious," Jared chuckled moments after Paul shifted for parole and his day came spilling out through their connection. "You couldn't even make it a day without falling head over heels in love with her"

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Hi all, sorry for the delay - but I hope this absolute sap will get me back in your good graces! I am finally finished with uni so actually have some time on my hands now.

Ali x

[obsessive-valentine]

5 stages of Grief (pt2)

Platonic Vampire Family + Fem!Reader

You attempt to come to terms with what you have become and youre new life with the Beaumont vampires, some more accepting than others. Part 2 of forever and always

You woke up amongst fine fabrics and soft pillows, it was like you were sinking into a cloud being hugged from all angles. Had you died in the night and now gifted an eternity on a cloud, you never thought so deeply about the afterlife. Was this heaven that so many speak of, or something different, maybe a waiting cloud as you wait in the in-between for your turn to move on.

Your eyes are heavy and your body is taking a lot longer to start up again. Your thoughts were slow, disjointed, as though your mind had been emptied and was slowly being pieced back together, you couldn't think of anything logical or of meaning.

But your body didn't ache and rattle like it had before. Devoid of the sting in your chest and weight of your limbs.

Only one thing remained—a dull, growing sting on your inner wrist.

As you came closer to reality, you could feel a presence beside you, a hand running through your hair, slow and deliberate. It felt so tender, you don't think you've felt such softness for some time. Between that and the sound of a fireplace crackling reaching your ears, you were almost soothed back asleep.

You clenched your hands into a fist and then relieved the pressure once again, slowly moved your toes and drew in a long breath before letting go of a sigh. All signs you are, in-fact, alive. You cracked your eyes open but you only saw blur and the minimal light is so hard on your eyes.

The hand running through your hair had stopped and now rested on the crown of your head. Then a sweet voice broke through the stillness of the room and traveled gently to your ear, almost a whisper "You're safe now, sweet girl. Don't strain, be slow" She encouraged.

You knew that voice "Lavinia?" you whispered twisting your head to the side to see for yourself if your assumption was right. "Yes, It's me. You're here with me" she said almost reassuring herself more than you. She sat beside the bed in a plain wooden chair, her face softening even more under your gaze, a hand still extended to rest on your head unable to part.

What you didn't know is the incomprehensible amount of relief she was experiencing- that her girl had woken up. There was the chance that she could still lose you, that a complication could have arouse.

As you slept, your body no longer needing to breathe, your skin pale and cold to the touch, Lavinia had begun to fear the worst. The night had felt endless, each hour creeping by as you lay there, motionless. No twitch of your fingers, no flutter of your eyelids.

"Where am I?" you questioned as you noticed more and more about this unfamiliar room as the blur coving your vision dissipated. The bed was a work of art in itself dark wood polished to shine -nothing like your flimsy wooden cot, the wallpaper a beautiful deep forest green with intricate patterns that extended all the way up the towering walls -your wallpaper was a cheap old and childish pattern.

The fireplace made from a beautiful stone with crackling logs, and candle holders that looked to be solid gold shone as they reflected the fire. The house is quiet, no one to be heard inside or out, only objects seemed to talk like the incredibly expensive-looking clock ticking away on the wall.

"This is my home, we're in your room" she added as specification but as calmly as she could, slow and trying to read your face "My room? This isn't my room" you stated matter-of-factly, your brows now sewn together in confusion.

"It will be a while until you can understand whats happening, but this is your home now" she tried again gently but regretted her approach once confusion was replaced with worry. You'd fully woken up now, dread beginning to bubble up in you. The memories of last night and trusting the strange man to cure you, that didn't help you solve what was happening currently though, it only deepened the confused creases on your brow.

You pushed up off the pillows causing Lavinia to draw back her hand, you sat up and shuffled back to get some distance- some breathing room "I know you're scared," she murmured softly, though she could feel her own unease building. "It’s confusing, but you’re safer here now. I can’t send you home… you’d be in danger." It's been a while since Lavinia had to deal with this sort of thing with something as fragile as you and the untouched human mind, and she was struggling to explain without making you even more frantic.

She only really spoke the straight truth (usually an appreciated trait amongst the family, but the truth could be hard and scary for a young being), and while she tried to do so gently with you, there is no easy way to do this. Her boys went through this exact experience, and she supposed it was inevitable.

“Danger?” Your voice was firmer now, as you sat up, your gaze unwavering. “What are you talking about? I don’t understand any of this… it’s my choice to go home if I want, isn’t it? Why am I even here?”

Lavinia took a deep breath, steadying herself before speaking again, her hands folding calmly in her lap. “If it were safe, I would let you go back to your family,” she lied, There no way you're leaving her sight again. She held your gaze with a tempered but resolute calm expression “But things have changed in ways that even I couldn’t undo. And, to let you go back home -amongst humans. I'd be putting you in terrible danger, as you are not one of them anymore.”

your face went from one of fear and confusion to a deadpan stare "Not human?" you whispered in disbelief, not that you supposedly weren't human but the audacity of Lavinia thinking she'd gone mad. "Just tell me what's going on" you demanded with twisting dread and emotion once again taking control of you

The words sat heavy between you both, and you felt your stomach twist. Her expression softened as she continued, “You’re here because… last night, Soren and I did what we thought was necessary to save you. You’re no longer ill, but neither are you… quite the same as you were.” Soren? the man that came to you in the night promising you an escape to cheat death? he was apart of this too?

She sucked in a breath and sighed watching your steady stare, waiting for a clear explanation, there was no getting around this.

Lavinia reached for one of your hands, ignoring you trying to pull it back out of her grasp. She sat closer- on the edge of the bed and placed your fingers against her neck "What do you feel?" she questioned.

You've never been more confused "Just tell me what's happening" you demanded again she shook her head "I'm trying to. Tell me what you feel" she managed to keep her composed tone this whole time despite dreadfully waiting for your moment of realisation.

You tried to focus, what answer did she want? you sat there for a minute contemplating, you were feeling nothing? "Nothing, right?" Lavinia answered for you. You shrugged still not understanding.

"...not even a pulse?" she questioned watching you expectantly. "What" you questioned "Vampires don't have pulses little one" You're face dropped at the mention of such a monster.

The words sank in slowly, your hand still pressed against her neck as if you’d feel it any moment—a heartbeat, a sign of life—but there was nothing. The emptiness under your fingertips sent a chill through you.

Your voice wavered. “Vampire?”

Lavinia nodded, her expression a blend of sadness and conviction. “Yes. You’re here because Soren and I chose to save you… this way. It was the only way to stop the sickness from taking you. Making you a Vampire.”

You pulled your hand back, the realisation of what she had been implying crashing over you. Your hand raised to your own neck this time, you have to have a pulse. Vampires aren't real, everyone has told you to stop fearing those stupid stories. you couldn't feel anything, no beat.

"This makes no se-" you trailed off shaking your head. you threw off the blankets the still clung to your lower half and slid off the bed.

Your feet hit the cold floor, grounding you just enough to cling to one last shred of disbelief. This was a nightmare; it had to be. You ignored the weakness still lingering in your legs, gripping the bedpost for stability, but even that felt unfamiliar—the world too sharp, the air somehow thicker. You couldn’t let her words settle in, couldn’t even entertain the idea of what she was telling you.

“I’m going home,” you insisted, trying to steady yourself, your voice laced with desperation. “You’re crazy! You and that man—this whole place!”

Lavinia’s expression didn’t change; she just sat calmly, watching you, as if she'd expected this exact response. "I understand," she said gently, with the patience of someone who’d seen this scene unfold countless times before. "But where would you go, love? Do you even know where you are?” she tried to reason with you.

"I don't care- anywhere but here!" you attempted to push the door open but got stopped by Lavinia's hand around your wrist. She tried to continue to reason with logic, but you didn't let her before pulling your hand away and stumbling back. She let go, afraid of hurting you.

You ran through the door, ignoring Lavinia calling for you from behind. A large figure stood menacingly in the hallway seemingly ready to stop you, his eyes seemed to glow in the darkness of the hall and you're sure you saw long shiny fangs when he playfully smiled at you as you halted just in front of him. His dark hair stark against his pale skin, you began to believe the monster, vampires, existed and you had to get away.

He reached for you as you slipped past him and ran down the hall, but he stopped himself when Lavinia scolded him "Leave her be Dorian. Let us handle her for now" You then heard the fast steps of her heels close behind you once again.

You continued through the grand house, finding the staircase and rushing down it. You were in such a rush and focused on getting to the front door that was so close to your reach you hadn't realised that Lavinia's footfalls had stopped at the stairs and others had snuck up behind you.

Hands grasped your shoulders and ripped you away from the door, before pulling you to turn around and look at him. The man that had started this all, hed stolen you away in the night, he had done all this.

"Get away from me you monster!" your hands beat against his chest as your legs worked to try and pull yourself free and away from him "What have you done to me?!" you continued to struggle.

Your cries echoed through the silent hall, but Soren’s expression remained unmoved. He watched your struggles with a deep, quiet disdain, as if you were no more than a child throwing a tantrum. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and chilling, edged with absolute authority.

“Enough.”

The single word stopped you cold, not just because of the harshness, but because of the power it held. You felt yourself shrink under his unwavering stare, a dark glint in his eye as he watched you wilt.

“This outburst,” he continued, his voice as sharp as a blade, “will not be tolerated. Do you understand me?” He didn’t wait for you to respond, his hands clamping tighter, nearly bruising as he spoke. “You are not a prisoner here, but neither are you a fool. This is your reality now; no other place will take you as you are now. And while you are under my roof you will learn to control yourself, or suffer the consequences of your childish defiance.”

At that, Lavinia descended the stairs, her face laced with worry as she approached carefully. Her hand lifted to touch Soren’s arm, a soft pressure as if to keep him from hardening further. “Soren,” she began, voice low and calm, “she’s just frightened… please, be gentle. She’s overwhelmed and acting out of panic.” Her eyes searched his face, an unspoken plea for restraint and mercy.

Soren’s gaze flicked to Lavinia, his jaw clenching. For a brief moment, the irritation in his eyes softened. But the stern lines of his face quickly returned as he looked back at you. With a slow exhale, he released his hold abruptly, the action so sudden that you stumbled backward, just managing to catch your balance. Instinctively, you retreated behind Lavinia, clutching the back of her dress and peeking around her to keep your eyes locked on Soren, wary of his every move.

He took a measured breath, his eyes studying you with a detached, calculating expression. “Take her upstairs,” he said to Lavinia in a voice that brooked no refusal. “She has exerted herself enough already. She’ll go back to her room and sleep—without any further dramatics. Yes?” His eyes bore into you with a steady command that made you feel rooted in place.

Words failed you under his harsh gaze, and you could only nod. The strength in his tone left no room for argument; all your earlier fight dissolved into a shaky obedience. You felt Lavinia’s warm hand on your back, gently guiding you to turn toward the stairs.

“Come now,” she whispered, her tone gentle and soothing. Her arm slipped around your shoulders, shielding you as much as guiding you, her warmth and closeness a sharp contrast to the cold, stony presence that lingered behind.

As she led you up the stairs, Soren’s gaze remained fixed on you both, his expression unreadable yet intense. You didn’t dare look back at him, even as the distance grew and you ascended away from his intimidating presence. You could still feel his eyes on you like a brand, marking this moment as the first time you’d dared to defy him—and the last time you might try.

In the quiet of the upstairs hallway, Lavinia paused, her hand resting lightly on your arm. “I know this is confusing, and I know you’re frightened,” she murmured, her gaze soft as she looked down at you. “But it’s important now that you trust me and let us help you. You don’t have to be afraid.”

You bit your lip, still shaken, the lingering memory of Soren’s grip on your arms reminding you of the intensity and strictness of this new life. Yet in Lavinia’s gentle, steady gaze, there was a promise of safety—a warmth that almost made you believe her.

She gave a small smile, almost apologetic. “Come, let’s go back to your room. I’ll stay with you as long as you like.” With a final reassuring glance, she led you down the hall, her hand warm and steady on your shoulder, guiding you into the unknown with patience and care.

Lavinia helped you back into the bed and lay multiple soft and weighted blankets over you, the pressure comforting. your head sunk into the pillows as your body weakened from the lack of adrenaline.

The room, quiet as Lavinia tucked the blankets tightly around you and pulled the chair back to the bedside that she must have pushed away when trying to keep up with you earlier.

"There has to be a way I can return home for a while. say goodbye," you spoke in a hushed, and defeated tone, you turned your head to look at Lavinia who now sat in the chair next to you, listening carefully.

"I wouldn't tell them, I'll keep our secret, I promise" You tried to convince her. She gave you a sad smile "You know I can't do that sweet girl" her hand returned to you head like it had been before, slowly and softly.

Your face crumpled as you swallowed back a sob, regret surfacing as you stared at the ceiling “If I was just left alone… if I just stayed home, I might’ve gotten better on my own... Maybe I didn’t need this… Maybe—maybe I wasn’t even that sick…”

Lavinia’s hands cupped your face, anchoring you. Her eyes searched yours with such gentle, unyielding honesty that you felt your resolve falter. “If you’d stayed where you were, my love… you wouldn’t have lived to see another day.”

The truth of her words washed over you, hitting you with the cold finality that left no more room to argue, no words left to bargain. You took in a ragged breath.

Lavinia bent down and took off her shoes, she stood to lay on top of the bed. She gently gathered you bundled in blankets into her arms and hushed you. A silent comfort, loyal to your side the whole night as you tried and failed to fight sleep.

Your old life had truly slipped away in a matter of hours, beyond all bargaining.

...

The days blurred together in a hazy, dim stillness. Lavinia was a constant, hardly ever straying far from your side. If she left, it was only for brief moments to bring you something.

Your body is quite sensitive and even began to ache at certain stimulants, Lavinia did her beast to ease you in any way she could think—warm cloths for your aches, a cup of tea laced with soothing herbs, or a soft book to occupy your mind as you healed.

Your orders were simple: remain in your room, rest, let the change complete itself without resistance. The windows were draped in thick, dark curtains, shielding you from even the gentlest daylight that now pricked painfully at your eyes.

Your ears were particularly sensitive, too, they seemed to ring for hours after your escape attempt. Luckily the house was quiet, and any small sound you did pick up was gentle and low: the soft whisper and footsteps in the halls, a faint clinking of silver in a nearby room, and, on rare occasions, music—a piano drifting down the hall or the gentle hum of strings.

But recently, you'd been allowed to roam the house, and Lavinia had noticed discomfort begin to settle and boredom rise in you. So it's become a bit of a habit to follow her on trips to the kitchen or library like her little shadow.

And on this particular day Lavinia had to go into town to pick up a few things for you, to sooth the ache of your shifting teeth that recently made it hard to even talk.

So instead you were greeted by Soren as evening fell. A gentle knock to the door was enough to stir you awake. Lavinia wasn't by your side and she never knocked, you were tucked in tightly and the smell of a fabric pocket of lavender placed on your pillow that Lavinia insisted would help you sleep.

You sat up a bit "Hello?" you called out to whoever stood on the other-side of the door. The handle turned and the door opened just enough for Soren to slip in, careful to not let too much light and stun you when you'd just woken.

"Lavinia will be away for a few hours, she needed to pick up some things from town but didnt have the heart to wake you to tell you." Soren explained as he walked over to your bedside table and pulled out a palm sized box from his pocket.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, his tone flat but gentler than usual. You nodded, too busy watching as he took out a matchstick and struck it against the box. You rarely saw such a thing—matchsticks were expensive, and you were used to flint and steel. The smell of sulfur tickled your nose, and you grimaced as he lit the candle on your table, the soft glow now illuminating the room.

“Well?” He straightened and looked at you expectantly. You realized he wanted a verbal answer.

“I’m… okay," you replied, though your voice was uncertain. "Everything is just alot... its alot" you tried to explain but just sighed when you couldn't find the words to describe the physical and emotional overstimulation.

Soren nodded, a hint of understanding in his gaze. “I understand,” he said quietly. “Though it was long ago, I still remember how it felt.” He paused, glancing at the faint candlelight. “It will become your new normal soon enough.”

He turned to leave, adding as he reached the door, “I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” Then, without another word, he slipped out, leaving you alone in the flickering glow.

...

It was that afternoon when you longed to get out of your room, youd left your bed and slipped on your house shoes that Lavinia had placed beside your bed for your nightly wanders. You'd gotten the impression they don't walk around bearfooted, far too sophisticated for that.

You rummaged curiously through the draws, and explored the room a bit closer now. Its fully furnished and some draws had items in them already. Lavinia used this room for any overspill she couldn't fit in her jewellery boxes or hang on the walls. So you came across alot of seemingly collectable things for the finer side of living.

The room itself felt like a small museum of elegant oddities, carefully curated items from a lifestyle you’d only read about. There were small touches of whimsy—a lace fan with fine embroidery, a silver compact mirror with a scene painted on the lid. As nice as it is, it just isn't your room, and you owned nothing in it. Feeling a displaced after rummaging through the room you decided to step out into the hall.

You wandered with careful steps, your fingers drug against the polished banister, eyes explored the pattern of the carpet below you and the intricate door nobs you passed. You found yourself looking out a window in a rather grand drawing room.

The garden is just as grand and beautiful, the hedges and flowers could be considered an art within themselves. The fountains flowing water into a pond could have belonged to a palace for all you know.

A voice broke the quiet behind you, sharp and cutting:

“You shouldn’t linger where you aren’t wanted,” Lucien’s low tone curled through the room, each word edged with contempt. You turned quickly, catching his cold gaze on you. Lavinia had told you about him but she didn't mention how mean he could be, 'anti-social' was the word she used. He sat poised in a grand leather chair in the corner, nearly hidden in shadow, a book open in his hands. You must have missed him when you’d first entered, his stillness as exacting as his words.

“Oh, I… I didn’t realise you were here. Sorry,” you said, your apology almost automatic. Lucien had the same icy air as his father—unpredictable and sharp-edged. And without Lavinia nearby, that feeling only intensified, leaving you feeling exposed.

He didn’t respond immediately, only closed his book with a measured snap that seemed almost a reprimand. He remained seated, but every detail of his posture suggested he was looking down on you all the same.

"You're more trouble than you're worth, some sickly poor kid off the street roaming our halls and using our stuff. How could you possibly benefit us, hm?" He challenged you.

Attempting to avoid confrontation you decided to slip away back to your room, but as your eyes looked towards your escape someone is already there blocking your way.

“No.” Soren’s interruption was swift, his tone final. “You are only disrespecting my wishes,” he continued, his gaze hardening. “This household is built on loyalty and trust. She is part of this family now. My decision isn’t up for debate.”

Lucien’s mouth opened as if to argue, but his words faltered under his father’s stare. He understood well enough: Soren’s decisions, once made, are law within these walls.

“She’s here because I believe it’s best for us—and for your mother,” Soren said, his voice carrying an undeniable weight. “I have accepted her as a daughter, and you will accept her as a sister. I don’t recall you making such a fuss when Dorian arrived.” His eyes narrowed, daring Lucien to continue his defiance.

"That was different, and you know it,” Lucien shot back, his voice low but brimming with frustration. “She’s… she’s just some random girl, a stranger who's disrupting the order here, making a ruckus.”

Soren’s gaze turned cold and cutting. “A stranger? She’s no more a stranger than you were once—and no less than I was, to my own maker. I suggest you remember that.”

Lucien’s jaw clenched, his retort dying on his lips. He could feel the finality in Soren’s tone, a hard line drawn that he knew better than to cross. After a long, silent moment, his shoulders slumped, and he rose to leave, giving Soren a single lingering look before turning toward the door.

As Lucien reached the doorway, Soren delivered his final words. “And I remember you making much more of a ruckus in those early days than she has. Perhaps a bit of empathy would do you good, Lucien.”

Lucien stiffened at the remark, his pride pricked, but he didn’t respond. With a barely-contained scowl, he left the room, the weight of Soren’s words hanging heavily in the air.

Lucien walked down the hall, a muffled laugh echoed from around the corner. Dorian was waiting, clearly having overheard the tail end of the exchange, and couldn’t resist the opportunity to needle his brother.

“Oh, shut it, Dorian.” Lucien snapped, his voice low and venomous as he stormed past, not even sparing his younger sibling a glance. The laughter trailed off down the hall, Dorian probably following his brother to poke more fun at him.

The room felt charged with the memory of his glare and the prickling intensity of the words exchanged. Soren remained silent for a moment, his gaze softening as he turned back to you. He moved with a certain gentleness that seemed unusual for him, crossing the room to stand beside you.

“I apologise for his behaviour,” Soren said quietly, his tone low but steady. “Lucien… he can be difficult. Change has never been easy for him.”

“You’re doing better than we’d expected,” he continued, his voice as steady as ever but touched with something warmer, he glanced away almost like it pained him “Just keep it up.” he gave your back a gentle but curt pat.

"Should he bother you again, you're to come straight to me. I will not tolerate such childishness." he demanded before leaving. A promise of protection.

His sons were carefully picked to continue his legacy. But you aren't here for that, you aren't his protégé, not someone he’s training. More of an indulgence for the family, a calmness and gentleness. He already is letting himself slip into a gentleness that only Lavina sees occasionally.

...

Lavinia returned and you hadn't told her about Lucien's insults just that you had bumped into him briefly, trying to save the family from any more drama that night.

"I've found some herbs that can numb that nasty toothache" Lavinia came into your room with a cup of steaming herbal tea. She gently gave it to you, her hands cradling yours for a moment to make sure you had a steady hold on the cup.

"Thank you" you couldn't wait to get rid of the constant ache in your jaw you quickly began sipping.

"I'm going down for dinner, I'll come and check on you later" her hand smoothing your hair and only leaving when you gave a nod of understanding.

You hated to imagine what she meant by dinner. If the stories are true, they are drinking people dry.

You'd begun to feel that familiar feeling of hunger yesterday, you hadn't eaten since that night you were changed which was days ago- but only now you've started to feel its effects. And have been dreading to ask about it.

The hunger grew slowly though, and it wasn't bad at the moment. You tried not to think about it.

...

You long finished your tea and the discomfort in your gums had settled. By candlelight you doodled in the leatherbound drawing book Lavinia had found for you, using pencils that Lavinia had carefully sharpened.

Until you heard your door creak open, you looked up expecting Lavinia to return. Instead the second son, Dorian, stepped inside and quietly stepped inside.

"Hi" He grinned stepping further into the room "Hello?" you responded in more of a question.

He chuckled softly at the apprehension in your voice "Don't worry, I'm not as crude as my brother. I don't intend to interrogate you" With that, he settled comfortably in Lavinia’s chair beside your bed.

"What are you drawing?" He asks casually, leaning in his elbows resting on his knees, trying to bridge the gap with some small talk. "Nothing interesting, just sketches... shouldn't you be at dinner?" you murmured, still guarded.

“Technically, yes" he admitted with a laugh, "but dinners finished, and they are having some boring conversations. And I thought I’d formally introduce myself.” His smile was warm "I'm Dorian, by the way. No longer the baby of the family, thanks to you," he added, a glint of humour in his eyes.

You relaxed just a little, feeling the genuine friendliness in his tone. There was a warmth about him, a sharp contrast to Lucien's harshness.

“Lucky me,” you replied dryly, but a small smile crept in.

Dorian noticed you at ease and leaned back, folding his arms in pride "You know, it took me a while to get used to this place too. It can be... intimidating. But you are doing great okay?"

The kindness in his voice, and his way of words is very much like Lavinia helped ease some tension from your shoulders.

“It’s… different,” you admitted, looking away, “but I guess I don’t have much choice now.”

Dorian nodded, understanding. “No, but that’s the thing about this family. Once you’re in, you’re in for good. Besides-” he added with a wink, “I could use an ally. Lucien can be... a handful and fathers a bit of a grump”

You laughed -more genuinely this time, as he grinned back at you.

Dorian fussed over you a bit, recounting his aches and discomforts from his turning and asking if you were okay. You assured him that Lavinia had been taking good care of you.

Curiosity got the best of you while talking about tooth pain "The fangs... Its like in the stories right?" You couldn't get to the point hoping he'd understand where you are coming from.

His face fell a bit, you think its the first time seeing him not smile "You're asking about blood, right?" he clarified. You nodded hesitantly "...Do I have to drink it? Do you kill people?" in a hushed wisper

“Yes, it’s like in the stories,” he began, voice low and gentle. “The fangs, the… need for blood. But it’s not as simple or as brutal as you might think. We don’t hurt anyone innocent.” He paused, giving you a reassuring glance. “But we do still need it, and some people are victims of that"

he chose his words carefully, watching your face for any signs of being overwhelmed "But never the innocent, we pick the ones who deserve less mercy." He gives your hand a reassuring squeeze, the warmth grounding you "And yes -You will have to drink soon, but from cups for a while, you won't have to be a part of that process right away- or ever if that's how you choose to do it. I'll do all the messy work for you if you want"

Having Dorian’s explanation helped more than you’d expected. With the worst of your fears quieted, though still dreading the inevitable, you managed a small “Okay,” as much for yourself as for him.

Dorian’s eyes softened with understanding. “We’ll help you through it,” he promised, his hand squeezing yours a few more times, gentle and reassuring. “Try not to dwell on it too much. It’s just one step at a time.”

“Five hundred?!” you repeated, incredulous. He chuckled, brushing it off. “Oh, that’s a conversation for another time. I think you’ve had your fill of life-changing revelations today” he teased. “But on the bright side, I’ll never run out of stories for you—five centuries of bedtime tales at your disposal.”

You couldn’t help but laugh as you shifted your sketchbook to sit between you, handing him a pencil. “Alright, another time then” you agreed, the tension in your chest easing. Side by side, you both began to draw, with him casting sidelong glances to mimic your strokes.

Growing up, your older brothers were always too busy to pay you much attention. But sitting here now, Dorian’s easy company made you wonder if he might just be the big brother you’d always wanted. You just hoped Lucian is a fraction as good at being a brother as Dorian is.

[annabelle--cane]

Hey so I'm not good at subtext and I saw you posting about ep 200 of TMA being awesome. I've listened to it a few times and I'm mostly...confused? I don't understand what happened

(I mean, I get what Martin did to Jon, but nothing other than that)

Would you mind explaining why it's impactful to you?

honestly the main standout thing that makes it really shine to me is the soundscaping and vocal editing, and I've seen people take that as an indirect snide comment about the writing before but it really isn't, the entire scene in the panopticon just sounds gorgeous. the distortion and static on jon's voice, the underscoring of the statement, the way jon and martin's dialogue pops out from the sounds of the crumbling tower, it's just. aaaaaaaaaa. I find it really pleasant to listen to, if you've only listened through speakers then I'd 100% recommend trying it with headphones, it is simply very pretty and well made.

from the story side, it's beat after beat of ultimate catharsis for threads and arcs that have been set up for the whole show.

jon going ham and just really brutally killing jonah with his own hands, no supernatural influence, finally fulling snapping and, it sounds like, gutting him like a fish. it's just about the most lively and impassioned we've heard him all season, and, as far as anyone could deserve to do such a thing, he really is the person who deserved to get to do it.

jon and martin both betraying each other and making the choices that the whole story has been leading them to. jon has spent years fighting against his internalized idea that he can't trust anyone and he's the only person who's powerful/expendable/knowledgeable enough to make decisions and solve problems, and at last he submits to it and takes matters into his own hands. martin has spent years operating under the assumption that he's unimportant and incapable, and now just as he finally accepts that his choices have meaning, he sets the plan in motion that ends up getting them both killed. and jon has tried so hard to be transparent and show him trust that he underestimates just how willing jon is to go behind his back and disregard the plan completely.

and the fuckign. web lighter. I have a longstanding obsession with the mechanics of fate in tragedy narratives, and this lighter. hhh. so, fate (the web) was guiding jon & co to release the fears, but to jon's knowledge, killing jonah and becoming the pupil should have been his winning move to keep them contained. as far as he was capable of comprehending, he made all the right choices, but fate (the web) (the oppressive forces that govern all of our lives) doesn't play fair, it planned for this and cheated him. because he couldn't remember the lighter. he couldn't remember that he already gave georgie the catalyst for the explosion.

this tells me a few things: the ultimate end of releasing the fears was always going to happen, there was nothing jon could have done, but, technically, he could have adhered to the plan and lived to spend what was left of his life with martin and the rest of his nearest and dearest. but that was never really an option, was it? jon archivist sims would never have made that decision, that's why martin tried and failed to plan around it, that's why the web tried and succeeded to plan around it, it would never have happened differently. jon made his choice, it made no difference except to doom himself and the one he loves, he didn't have to do it, and it was inevitable.

and after all of that, after the web cheated him, he could still have won. he could have survived the tower collapse and kept the fears. but one of his biggest stated motives, over and over, is that he can't stand to lose anyone else, and martin is not immune to burning buildings the way he is. in an inverse to gertrude, at the last moment, he chose the barest chance for martin to survive over his own life and principles and big picture goals. he could cope with being responsible for killing the world in the abstract, but when it came to watching the person he loves most die right before his eyes, he caved and came around to martin's perspective. the other worlds can cope, he wants to save the man he loves.

[myhyperfixatedmess]

Intrusion.

Tom Riddle × Fem!Reader

You always had a hard time understanding why Tom kept you so hidden away. One night something happens that makes you realize why.

Word count: 1.7k

Content warning: Hints of a panic attack, violence, depictions of torture.

Soft!Tom makes an appearance!

You were very aware that Tom kept you at a distance from his...business.

Even during your time at school, he only allowed you to attend the Room of Requirement meetings a couple of times after much pleading. Graduating didn't change the situation much, despite your marriage; you didn't mind not knowing every detail of his plans, but the extent of your seclusion felt odd. You just wanted to understand why he kept you hidden away so intensely.

Most days, you tried to convince yourself that being the wife of the Dark Lord was enough, even if you had no say in his world-altering decisions. It was hard to ignore that some of his followers were unaware of your existence, while others knew you only as "The Dark Lord's mistress," a term you doubted Tom was aware of or would tolerate.

Though a few Death Eaters knew you from your Hogwarts days, most remained tight-lipped around you, offering mere nods or quiet acknowledgments. It was clear they feared Tom greatly; making eye contact with you seemed like a perilous act. You weren't sure if it was due to his direct orders or their assumptions about his expectations. Either way, though you couldn't really fault them for hiding from you. While you weren't scared of Tom, you could understand why others would be. 

Quiet apprehension gnawed at you as you contemplated discussing your concerns with Tom. But you reasoned that avoiding potential arguments and trusting him were better choices. After all, you were an adult now, not a teenage worrier. You had married him despite his questionable morals, so who were you to judge?

The muffled conversations behind closed doors and fleeting glimpses of secretive meetings became your new norm. Sometimes you managed to catch glimpses through cracks, only to have the door swiftly shut when you were noticed. While you occasionally wondered about his trust in you, you pushed those doubts away to avoid unnecessary distress. You remained silent, occupying yourself with your own pursuits, whether it was reading, writing, or wandering the halls of the inherited family estate.

On this particular evening, you found yourself in the library, Tom being out for the night, which didn't bother you. As you perused the shelves, a loud bang from downstairs jolted you. Frozen in place, you strained to listen for more sounds, until harsh, unfamiliar voices reached your ears. Loud and aggressive, they echoed from the ground floor.

Panic surged as you realized you were in danger. These voices weren't part of Tom's inner circle, and you backed away from the library door, realizing that someone had broken into your home. The thought of a robbery crossed your mind, but then a chilling realization struck—you hadn't considered the possibility that Tom's ambitious plans might have made enemies.

Your initial instinct was to leave the house, apparate, and contact Tom for help. But as your hand reached for your wand, you remembered it was in your room. Unlike Tom, you couldn't perform wandless magic. Trapped and helpless, the sound of angry shouting grew louder, approaching from downstairs.

With each thud of footsteps ascending the stairs, you strained to catch their words. The first voice, a man's, sent a shiver down your spine as he called out, "Where is that bitch?" It was clear they were after you, and this wasn't just a random intrusion; they intended to harm you.

Anxiety clenched at your heart. You had never felt targeted before, never imagined this vulnerability. You cursed yourself for not being better prepared, for letting yourself be defenseless and alone. As their voices drew nearer, panic coursed through you; you were trapped, with no means of escape. 

With painstaking effort, you inched backward against the library wall, the cold surface offering a stark contrast to your racing heart. The air felt thin and suffocating, your breaths shallow and uneven, while beads of sweat dotted your forehead.

They were right outside the door now.

You pressed your hands against the wall, your pulse pounding in your ears, as you prayed for them not to notice you. They pounded on the door, and you clamped your eyes shut, fear tightening its grip on you with each thud.

A shiver of dread ran down your spine as the door gave way, crashing open under their assault. Two men stormed in, wands at the ready. Your body locked up, terror stifling your voice, and you blinked back tears that threatened to betray your composure. This couldn't be real, it couldn't be happening.

The realization hit that running was futile—your exit was blocked. Your heart raced as their eyes settled on you, and you weighed your chances against them without a wand. Your legs trembled as the fear that gripped you teetered on the edge of overwhelming.

"There she is," one of the men sneered, his gaze locking onto you. Panic gripped you tighter, the world narrowing down to their menacing forms.

"We've been looking for you. I'll take her. Come along." His companion's nod was a chilling confirmation, and your pulse quickened as he aimed his wand at you. Their grip tightened, hauling you forward, and you struggled against their grasp. Your voice wavered as you spoke, desperation evident, "Don't do anything foolish. Let me go!"

Their faces twisted with anger at your words, their cruelty evident.

"Voldemort's whore has a temper," the other man taunted, the use of Voldemort's name sending a shock through you. These were Tom's followers, but why target you? They had to know the repercussions of angering him.

"What do you want with me? What are you doing?" you pleaded, flinching when the grip on your arm intensified.

"Enough talking," he snapped, his wand slicing through the air to silence you. Before you could react, the curse fell from his lips.

"Crucio."

Agony erupted, a scream tearing from your throat. Pain seared across your skin, your body convulsing as the torture curse wracked you. Darkness encroached on your vision, and you were thrown backward, a collision with a bookshelf shattering your senses.

As your awareness wavered, a silver dagger gleamed in one captor's hand, your body too weak to move. The other man grabbed your hair, his wand trained on you, while the dagger-wielding one advanced with malicious intent.

"Please, no! Tom will b—"

"Shut it!" the man spat, the blade plunging into your leg. Agony shot through you, your body wracked with pain as your screams filled the room.

"That bastard doesn't even know we're here, but he's gonna regret making a fool out of us," the man hissed, drawing closer. Nausea swelled within you, tears clouding your vision.

"Unhand her." The voice cut through the chaos, familiar and commanding.

"Tom…" you croaked weakly, blinking teary eyes to see him standing behind your assailants. His eyes blazed with fury, and you clung to his presence, your savior in this nightmare.

The attackers froze, their surprise palpable.

"M- My lord," one stammered, and Tom's lip curled with disdain.

"Ah, so it is 'my lord' now?" he seethed, closing in. The men scrambled, leaving you slumped against the bookshelf.

"We meant no disrespect, sir," one attempted, while the other looked on anxiously. "We simply were…"

"Were what?" Tom's anger laced his voice. "Please do explain your assault on my wife."

"My lord," the shorter man bowed, "We didn't know—We just thought she was some intruder!"

The taller man nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, we came for you and saw her! We thought she was breaking in, my lord, I swear!"

The lies were transparent.

"Not only did you invade my home and attack my wife, but you dare lie about it," Tom growled, his gaze steely.

"No, we're—"

"Silence!" Tom's command silenced them both.

"Both of you will go downstairs; I will address this later." The men hurried away, assuming they were off the hook. Tom turned to you, worry etched his features as he reached for your trembling hands.

"My love, can you hear me?" he murmured, his voice a soothing balm. His arms enfolded you, lifting you gently. Pain rippled through you, your vision swimming.

"Everything will be all right now, I am here," he assured softly, but your pain remained relentless. Tom's gaze shifted to your bleeding leg, his brows furrowing in concern.

"You will be fine," he said gently as he cradled you. The pain was overpowering, your vision blurring as you teetered on the brink of unconsciousness.

His voice reached you, your consciousness slipping away, but you knew he was there.

And then the darkness enveloped you.

-

When consciousness returned, you found yourself in your bed, the dull ache in your head the only lingering reminder of the ordeal. Your gaze shifted to your bandaged leg, confirming that the events weren't some nightmarish illusion. Sighing, you realized it had all been real.

You pushed yourself up, cautiously testing your body's limits. Muscles protested the movement, and a groan escaped your lips as pain surged through you. Memories of the harrowing experience played on a loop in your mind, each scene etched with vivid intensity.

Tom's voice interrupted your thoughts. "You need to rest." His presence filled the room, and you met his gaze as he spoke.

"How long was I asleep?" you questioned, trying to make sense of the passage of time.

"13 hours," he replied calmly, offering you a glass of water. He settled beside you on the bed.

"Thirteen hours!?" Shock colored your voice as you nearly dropped the glass. "I was unconscious for thirteen hours?"

Tom's reassurance came with a touch. "It is okay, you're safe now," he said, his arms encircling you. The glass of water quickly emptied as you downed it, your body yearning for hydration after the ordeal.

"So, what happened to the intruders?" you ventured, your apprehension clear in your voice.

"They have been dealt with," Tom's response was clipped, his demeanor stern. You understood the implication behind his words and chose not to press further.

"I'm sorry, Tom," you murmured, resting your head against his chest. Fatigue washed over you, threatening to pull you back into sleep.

"For what?" he inquired gently.

"Being reckless," you admitted, your eyelids growing heavy.

"I was careless too," he confessed, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "They are gone now. I will never let any harm come to you again."

"Promise?" you whispered, your eyes fluttering closed.

"I promise," his reply was tender, and with a content smile, you surrendered to sleep once more.

[voredere]

Did you know:

-agab is decided arbitrarily, sometimes by a doctor, and sometimes by the parents, based primarily on their best guess as to which gender will work out best or which surgery has the "best" prognosis.

-agab is not necessarily determined by the baby's genital configuration, hormone profile, or genetics. it is literally just whatever the doctor and/or parents thought sounded good at the time.

-sometimes agab is reassigned equally arbitrarily due to childhood genital injury.

-some people do not have an AGAB

-some intersex people used agab colloquially to refer to whichever sex they personally consider their "birth sex" regardless of their actual AGAB.

-some peoples agab does not actually align with what they, or society, would view as their "biological sex"

-(this is because "biological sex" as a concept is pretty bullshit to be clear)

-some people do not discover that their sex was reassigned at birth until adulthood

when we discuss concepts like TME/TMA, we need to keep these things in mind. TME/TMA are great terms because they're explicitly inclusive of intersex individuals. but there's an alarming amount of people misconstruing the words, using them as synonyms for AFAB/AMAB, or defining them based on AGAB, which accomplishes very little beyond shutting intersex people out of a conversation that very much includes and impacts us.

i understand TME intersex people absolutely exist, and absolutely are capable of perpetuating transmisogyny, but there are also intersex TMA people out there and we are constantly, CONSTANTLY shut out of conversations and viewed as invaders by the trans community, by the queer community at large, with our struggles viewed as collateral damage of someone else's struggle that we, without exception, are never allowed to claim.

we are viewed as filthy, alien creatures by everyone we meet, even in "queer leftist" spaces. our bodies are fetishised and commodified, and there are dozens of wild assumptions about us. we are never real men or women or even people, just some third category good for porn or shock value to be rejected and disposed of and speculated about like we aren't there everywhere else. we are relegated to sex work and freak shows. and yes, we are excluded from sports, locker rooms, restrooms, "lesbian"/"womens" spaces, queer spaces at large, housing, employment, medical care, and so on.

some of identify as cis, but a lot of us never had the option to be cis. many of us are essentially assigned tranny at birth and that was the end of it. many of us were called slurs before we were old enough to know what they meant.

we are not collateral damage. we are not invaders. we are not appropriators. we are part of your stuggle, we are your siblings, and if we don't stand up for each other, trust me: no one else will.

[ladystoneboobs]

ya ever think about how the lannister sibs all have big secrets kept from each other, like huge life-altering experiences? jaime's is the most obvious, the most talked-about, with the full story of his kingslaying and everything he endured from aerys leading up to it. it's clear enough to me that brienne was the first he opened up to about that, including either sibling. they never asked, but unlike ned stark and the rest deriding him as kingslayer, their lack of curiosity is no offense in itself bc as tywin's other children they would never judge him for turning his cloak purely out of family loyalty. ned's assumption of jaime's motives is directly tied to his judgment of jaime, but it's the judgment that rankles jaime so. choosing your father's life over a king's is hardly the worst crime in itself. how can he explain all the other reasons without prompting when its not just about his crime but all his trauma too? is there any basis for that in his relationship with cersei, who always relied on him for comfort and consolation but seems less adept at providing the same to him? or even with tyrion, his only real male friend for years, but also his baby brother, the one he was meant to protect and take care of, who was only 10 at the time of the kingslaying? even to fully share all with tyrion years later, both adults, could be something of a role reversal, forever shattering tyrion's image of him as the strong invulnerable golden big brother by revealing his own broken inner child. jaime can't break out from those sibling roles and patterns, so neither can ever understand that part of him, never knowing the early life he had at court without either of them with him.

and tyrion, who trusted jaime more than anyone in the world before learning the truth about tysha, still could not confide in him freely even when all that trust was still intact. jaime must have heard some story of what tywin did to tysha to feel the need to confess his lie, but he def didn't hear it straight from tyrion bc imo there's no way he could still think confessing would help anything if he understood how scarred tyrion was by what he witnessed and esp not knowing that tywin ordered him to participate at the end. tyrion could reveal all that to bronn when they barely knew each other but not to his beloved brother, his first and best friend. how can the most abused child explain all his unknown abuse to the golden child, the big brother meant to protect him who couldn't always do so? how does he even begin to reveal the deepest trauma that happened to him when jaime wasn't in the room, esp when the story does start with jaime apparently trying to help him by fixing him up with tysha?

and then there's cersei and all her secrets. she always turned to jaime for consolation, or at least when he knew she needed it, but how many times did he not know? how personally could she confide in him as they grew older and their paths diverged? we know the first big secret was maggy the frog's prophecy, her first big scare, which came on the cusp of puberty, an experience she couldn't share with her twin bc he would prob just laugh and make a joke of it. in their first real scene together, in bran's pov, he mocks lysa's motherly fears and likens her to cersei. ("I think birthing does something to your minds. You are all mad." He laughed.) then he makes light of her marital discord, ("And whose fault is that, sweet sister?"), having no idea of the depth of pain she'd suffered from robert, beyond his infidelities. he later blames her for being robert's queen, not his, only thinking of how she managed to arrange his kg post, that power to forever tie him to her in secret, never grasping her lack of control in marriage, that "a queen is only a woman after all". in her pride it was hard to reveal all she'd suffered as a woman, but she also couldn't rely on jaime's response if he knew of her abuse, knowing he would kill robert and get himself killed too, only making her and their children's lives more precarious. she couldn't trust him to listen about securing the throne before dealing with robert or that as robert's victim it was her right to decide such matters, to choose his fate, not jaime's place to avenge her without her say-so first. all bc they were both too stuck in their idea of jaime as her sword, nothing more, with jaime determined to protect her and tyrion, always a bodyguard before he ever donned a white cloak.

something something tywin did his best to play his children off each other and the most effective thing he did to divide them was by setting jaime up as the golden child and family protector. the designated lannister sword only pointing at threats outside their house. a knight serving his family whose protection was always limited, who could never protect them from the person who first hurt cersei and tyrion and made them who they were at a distance from him, bc ofc he couldn't fight his own father, much less slay him with a sword.

something something maybe the reason that joff+marg+loras was a surer recipe for kingslayer stew than robert+cersei+jaime is all down to that tyrell lack of abusive structure. not that loras cared more about marg, was more willing to kill for her than jaime was to kill robert, but that there wasn't a chance of marg hiding her misery from him if/when her husband abused her in their shared household. it's not like he understood her to the point of mind-reading but when their previous royal marital household involved her bearding for his boyfriend then they prob had a pretty good basis of open communication. in that sense, the lannicest twins with all their sexual and physical intimacy still had less emotional intimacy than the tyrell queen and her kg brother.

[fuedalreesespieces]

Inuyasha & Demisexuality

i think halfway into writing this i thought about just cramming all my thoughts into a semi-coherent rant due to a combination of a.) lack of access to decent translations of the manga and b.) paranoia about over-analyzing scenes and coming off as delusional (i think by now it's probably too late to thwart that claim) buuut this headcanon in particular is near and dear to me so i want to try and get as in depth as possible.

what is demisexuality?

in simple terms, demisexuality is when an individual doesn't experience primary attraction - that is, the sort of attraction based on immediate observable (often physical) characteristics - and instead only experiences secondary attraction first: the type of attraction that forms after the development of a deep emotional bond.

inuyasha and kikyo

this aforementioned term perfectly describes inuyasha and his relationships with the only women he's ever loved romantically. you could make the claim that his inability to feel primary attraction first stems from his trust issues and not inherent sexual orientation. and to that, i would disagree - he and kikyo develop an emotional bond despite an unspoken lack of trust, which may have improved had naraku not meddled in their lives. still, both find solace in each other's similarities, loneliness, and "outlier" status (though the similarities are in isolation only, if i'm being completely honest) and establish a connection that persists post-revival.

inuyasha eventually did start to feel primary attraction to kikyo during their time together - in the second chapter of the manga, when he compares kagome to her, he states that kikyo "looked pretty."

[source - viz. i haven't been in this fandom long, but what i've gathered is that there are a lot of mis-translations of this manga, even from viz. since i have yet to buy physical copies of the manga and don't have an account for the site, i'm going to be using fan-scans for the rest of these, which hopefully won't really affect what i'm trying to convey since i'll be looking at character expressions rather than dialogue for most of them.]

i'd also note the order in which he lists those traits: kikyo looked intelligent and pretty. her intelligent appearance is the first part of her he remembers, which i think underscores his priorities in this regard. he values things like intelligence and companionship - facets that come to light when developing secondary attraction towards someone - more than aspects of primary attraction.

inuyasha and kagome

as mentioned before, demisexuals don't feel physical attraction before establishing a tight emotional bond. the most blatant examples i could think of this were any instances in which inuyasha sees kagome nude and his difference in reaction - in particular, during the yura of the hair and togenkyo arcs, which are roughly seventy-three chapters apart. there are two new moons in that time, and from that we can say at least two months have passed.

chapter six: yura of the hair

kagome's bathing below him, and i'm sorry, but this expression literally screams "zero fucks given." he does not care in the slightest. not a blush. not a spot of red on his cheeks. not a sweatdrop. not a tee-hee. if i were to describe what he's feeling in this moment i would say "extreme ire." when she uses the sit command on him, it's on the assumption that he's "peeking," but kaede understands that it's actually because inuyasha is trying to steal a shard of the shikon jewel.

"huh?" - he sounds genuinely confused that she reached that conclusion, even though he was quite literally peering over the cliff's edge in what obviously has very perverse connotations. it's almost like he doesn't understand why kagome would think his actions come from a place of sexual attraction because that sort of thing just isn't on his mind at all, and he doesn't get why it would be in the first place.

another extremely blatant example can be see in miroku's introductory chapter: chapter 51, the delinquent priest:

do i even have to say anything. this scene also further emphasizes my previous point - before, the only reason he was there was to try and steal kagome's jewel shard. if his true intentions had been driven by primary attraction, this would have been an opportune moment to "peep." in his words, however, he just isn't interested. note that he could have said something along the lines of "i wouldn't do something like that" (which, if he was attracted to her in that way from the start, wouldn't have done anyway) but specifically i'm not interested. the primary attraction is not there in the slightest. at least, not until:

chapter eighty two: fateful night in togenkyo

the scene i'm talking about needs no introduction, but for context: kagome's half-freaking out after having woken up in a sake bath. inuyasha breaks down the door to come and rescue her, accidentally seeing her naked in the process. well, i'm sure his reaction won't be that dif-

...it's only one panel-

okay, two-

i think at this point it's fairly obvious that primary attraction has developed. besides the fact that he's spent three panels trying not to look like he's having a quasi allergic reaction, it's been approximately two months since they've met, and by now they've definitely formed the deep emotional bond required for him to begin feeling any primary attraction at all. in fact, the chapter where he tells kagome "there's no replacement for you" - that chapter, where he's vulnerable and honest and opening up to her, strengthening their bond further, (ch. 78, a tender smell) is directly before the togenkyo arc begins, and, thus, just before these scenes occur. these chapters have all been building up secondary attraction, and now that primary attraction is just starting to show up.

several chapters later we have this iconic panel from 173:

this is such a look of awe, as though he's gazing up at a goddess. jaw dropped, eyes-wide, words trailing off awe. he's entranced. fully head-over-heels in love, feeling both primary and secondary attraction in regards to kagome, and this trend only continues throughout the entirety of the manga.

conclusion + extra thoughts

my belief in this headcanon comes from not just the evidence depicted above, but because i just related a ton reading those scenes. i found myself just nodding along (as someone who's demisexual themselves!) plus, since ace-spectrum representation is so rare, it's nice to see it reflected in a character whose story and relationships i love dearly.

tags: @nightshade-lullaby

[lokisprettygirl]

Utopia (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x female reader) (Non Canon AU) (18+)

Read chapter 6 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 7

Summary: Daemon eases your fears and worries.

Warning: 18+ sex ,period sex (if it bothers you skip the scene) death and destruction that comes from a ship wreckage, smut, sex, menstrual sex, unprotected sex. Some inconsistency with ship sinking, i researched as much as I could

“Are you alright?” Emma's voice was filled with concern as she asked you if you were okay, noticing the distress that was evident on your face. The two of you had just left Lily's house, and Emma could sense the negative effect it had on you.

“I'm fine..just want to go home” Emma sighed as you said that. She could tell that you were not alright, but she didn't know how to help without you opening up to her.

“Y/n I know you have always liked him but him and Lily have always been this way..they fight, fuck other people and then get back to each other.. don't you remember how he treated you on the ship after he slept with you?” you turned your head to look at her as she said that. Emma's words had struck a chord in your heart, reminding you of the awful morning when Daemon had completely dismissed you post the one night stand .

“Yeah? Always huh? How many times have they survived a ship sinking incident before? How many times before Daemon was left stranded on an island with someone else? This is not the same thing..why it's so hard for you guys to understand” you got visibly agitated as you finished your sentence, your voice raised as you tried to express that you and Daemon weren't just a fling.

“I'm just trying to protect you..” she mumbled softly so you sighed.

“I know but I also know what I'm doing..do you have any idea what I have been through with Daemon on that Island? You can't just get over that stuff and move on with your life as if nothing happened. He …he knows me..I know him..six months ..we were .. everything to each other” your eyes teared up and you hated how weak you felt in the moment. You always felt this way whenever Daemon was in the picture.

“But he's not on that Island anymore and neither are you..he's back here in the actual world where Lily is”

You didn't say anything as she said that. After what Lily had said about him fucking her last night and seeing things from Emma's perspective you felt hurt and worried. You asked him clearly if he had fucked her and he said no, did he lie to you? Why would he lie to you and hurt you like that?

“Do you want me to find a job for you? Dalton was asking about you” she said as she pulled the car in your driveway so you took your seat belt off, you just wanted to go home and cry.

“Not right now, last time you hooked me up with a job ..things didn't work out so well”

You heard the literal gasp she let out as you jabbed at her. That was mean and uncalled for but anger was bubbling inside you at the moment and Daemon wasn't there to take it.

You entered your bedroom, exhausted from the emotional upheaval. As you collapsed onto your bed, you noticed a missed call and a few text messages from Daemon on your phone. Taking a deep breath, you picked up your phone and opened the message.

You didn't want to ignore him and you certainly didn't want to hurt him by making assumptions about him, he told you something and you wanted to believe him but insecurities from the past ran deep and this wouldn't be the first time a man would cheat your trust like this. Instead of wrestling with your thoughts you dialed his number instead,

“Am I being ignored?” He asked as soon as he picked up so you sighed.

“Why would you say that?”

“What did she say to you..love?” his tone of voice made it clear that he was genuinely concerned.

“Where are you?” you asked him nonchalantly, your voice didn't really hold any emotion at the moment.

“I'm with my lawyer, had to discuss uhhh.. some fortune related complexities..are you back at your place?” He enquired so you barely hummed in response “Can I come see you?”

“You don't have to ask me” he chuckled as you said that,

“I'm trying to be more civilized and less of a caveman”

“Don't you want to go see Lily?” you asked him with sarcasm and envy dripping from your tone.

“Not right now, I want her to move on.. darling.. whatever she said to you that's making you all squeaky and snappy at me .. I will fix it yeah? And then you're going to fix me” you couldn't help but bite on your lip as his words made you feel slightly bashful.

“Okay” you could hear him smiling on the other end of the line as you mumbled a short response again.

Half an hour later as you opened the door and saw Daemon standing there, with his arms behind his back and a mischievous smirk on his face, you felt your heart skip a beat. The peach ribbed shirt he was wearing just added to his charm, it made you want to snuggle against him. Despite your feelings for him, the idea of him breaking your trust and lying to you was breaking your heart in ways you couldn't even begin to imagine.

The only reason why you weren't crying yourself to sleep for the past two days was because of him, the past month when you both were avoiding each other was difficult to say the least. The nightmares about drowning in the ocean had become a frequent occurrence, leaving you feeling frightened and restless. The fact that he was the only thing preventing you from giving in to the emotional distress that had been haunting you was both a comfort and a burden. But he was the only one who truly understood you because he was there suffering with you.

“Flowers for the beautiful lady” he held one of his hands forward to present you with a bouquet of beautiful flowers so you grabbed it and took in their scent “Chocolates” he then brought his other hand forward so you grabbed the box and went into your room, acting like a petulant child, it didn't do anything to deter him, he actually found you adorable like this.

He was expecting a kiss and a hug but this morning when you had told him that you were tagging along with Emma to visit Lily, he was terrified, not because he had anything to hide from you but because he knew as a matter of fact that she'd try to fill your head against him to drive wedge between you both. He was well aware of her vindictive ways when she was scorned like this.

“We need to stop meeting like that at your door” he mumbled as he entered the bedroom door and you were already on the bed with your face down into the pillow.

You felt his lips trail up from your calves to your hamstrings and he spent a good minute on your ass cheeks before he kissed up from the small of your back very slowly. Shivers ran down your spine as he moved up and pulled your hair aside to kiss your nape. You turned around to look at him and your teary eyes rendered his heart, your delicate features always softened him.

“If it wasn't for us being stranded on that Island you'd never date me would you?” You asked him as you caressed his cheeks with your fingers, you always feared that your connection with him was rooted in the shared trauma of the island and would fizzle soon.

“Yeah that might be true but not because there's something wrong with you or that you're not insanely attractive but because I wouldn't really get to know you like this..so intimately in every possible way”

You felt his fingers brush lightly against your chest, resting right above your heart, and you couldn't help but feel the burst of emotions.

His hand then drifted under your skirt as he leaned down to kiss you lovingly, palms wrapped around your hips as he pulled you into him so you sighed and closed your eyes to feel him close.

“You used to visit Paradise with Emma ” your eyes snapped open as he mentioned that.

Paradise was the name of the club The Dragonriders played at frequently and you used to go there on weekends before you even took the job on Utopia. “I'd often watch you dance from afar..you never even looked at me back then you know.. didn't even notice me” he mumbled softly in your ears so you cupped his cheeks again.

“I didn't know you..you were just a stranger”

“Exactly darling.. sometimes you have to learn the person inside out to truly appreciate them. I know i was unfair and cruel to you after that night we had spent together but it was my immaturity speaking..now i know better” you sighed as he said that, your hands sneaked inside his shirt as he leaned into you for a kiss again. He was irresistible at all times but especially when he was on top of you like this.

“You look cute in your pretty little skirt baby, my brave girl ..now are you going to sulk some more or you'd tell me what it is she said to you that is messing with your head?” he asked you, his voice was still gentle but firmer this time. You didn't want to beat around the bush either.

“She told me that you made love to her last night after you dropped her off and then later on she went into detail about how magical it was for both of you”

He looked at you intensely for a moment before he chuckled slightly as if he had it coming..

Somehow that reaction eased your fear, it was Lily's words against the man you had faced the worst of life with. If he was going to tell you that he hadn't fucked her then you'd have to believe him.

You'd have to put your faith in him because he deserved that much from you..

“Do you know why I came so hard inside you last night?” he asked you softly as his thumb brushed over your lips before he kissed you again.

“Whyy?”

“Because it has been a full day since I had done that.. since I had felt you around me so intimately. I might be an uncivilized animal at times but I'd never hurt you like that. Especially not you ..not after everything we have been through together”

You cupped his cheeks and your fingers ran through his scalp as he said that, his words felt sincere and a part of you believed him wholly, something made you believe that Daemon would never hurt you like that no matter what.

“You're not an uncivilized animal…just my big burly Cavemon” a smile graced his features as you cooed at him.

“Believe me yeah?”

“Okay.. sorry”

“Shhh it's not your fault..”

“No I'm sorry she said that about you and i believed her because I'm afraid and insecure”

“We all are at times..i fixed the problem..now you fix me” you giggled as he tickled your stomach with his fingers.

“Stahp ..it's almost my second day now..there will be clumps and stuff coming out of my goodies” he looked at you intently as you said that, his eyes darkened with consumable lust.

“If you intended for that to disgust me..it's not working”

“Your kinks are kinky..have you always had this one?” you questioned as you lifted your head up to kiss his neck.

“Not until you..”

“But you fucked your ex on her cycle”

“Not for the kink”

“It's just strange for me…my ex was disgusted just by me mentioning my period clumps”

“What an imbecile huh?

You giggled as you wrapped your legs around his waist and he made you sit up along with him.

“We are doing this my way today” you mumbled as you took your crop top and skirt off, Daemon got off the bed and he quickly undressed himself with the speed of lighting, when he climbed back on the bed you removed your underwear and threw it on the floor,

“You won't mind if I bleed on you right?”

“Fuck darling …noo” he almost moaned at the picture you had painted for him, you climbed on his lap and sat yourself down on his cock slowly, inch by inch, he wasn't really an average man in length or girth so you needed to go slow for your own sake, his legs splayed out on the bed as you submerged him completely and he placed his hands around your hips as you moved in circles slowly. His head swayed backwards and moans spilled from his throat as you worked your hips back and forth.

“I noticed you..” you mumbled against his mouth as you kissed him so he opened his eyes and looked at you all perplexed. He looked cute like this, all fucked out and pleasured the way he deserved to be pleasured.

“Mmm?”

“In the club..i noticed you..but you always had your eyes on her”

“Darling, do you believe in fate?” his voice came out in whispers as the sensation grew in the pit of his stomach,

“Not really”

“I do”

“Why?”

“I just do..I think it was fate that brought us together. Why do you think we were accommodated right next to each other when all the people we knew were a deck below from us?”

“Duuh management”

“Was it management that left us stranded together on that Island?” his fingers dug into your hips as he helped you hop on top of him.

“No it was my stupidity”

“Mmm really? You want to tell me that those strong waves somehow managed to bring us together on that very same island where we collapsed not even six feet apart from each other because of you? And both of us miraculously lived through it while none of those other people survived?”

“I don't know what to say..you're romanticizing the tragedy” his fingers curled into your hair and he pulled you closer to kiss you before he spoke,

“I have earned the right to do so ..now be a good girl and fucking cum with me”

You kissed him hungrily and the rest of the rebuttals you had didn't really come out as you fell apart in his arms as soon as you felt his warm cum filling you up to the brim. He placed his head on your chest as you both recovered from the euphoria but it lasted a good while.

Your head felt fuzzy as you had never been fucked this good, sex had never been so satisfying before. It was as if your body connected to him on a much deeper level than just physical, sex with him transcended you and filled you with intense emotional and mental release.

“If you pull out right now I'd ruin my bed so take me to the shower alright?” He chuckled briefly before he dragged his shapely arse off the bed and took you to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and as soon as he pulled out, his cum mixed with your blood spilled out of your freshly fucked cunt. His cock was absolutely bloody as well and you heard him gasp as he glanced at it. His fingers immediately caressed your lips as he cleaned the mess between your legs so you fisted his cock and returned the favor.

“I missed one therapy session and I was a major bitch to Emma this morning” you mumbled as you came back to reality from the mind numbing orgasm you had experienced just now..

“What did you do?”

“You know how they keep telling us in therapy to not blame other people for what happened as it was nobody's fault?” He nodded as you said that while he rubbed the body wash between his palm and turned you around to scrub your back.

“I think I did just that and I feel awful”

“Mmmm then apologize sweetheart and talk it out…these things happen amongst friends. I called Cole this morning to wish him for the birthday and we had a chat, he understands me better now”

“It's his birthday today?”

“Yup and we are invited, I'm sure he'd text you about it”

You hummed as he said that, as you placed your head down on his chest he wrapped his arms around you while you two enjoyed the hot shower in the comfort of your bathroom. Sometimes when you closed your eyes you imagined yourself being back at the island with him but you were only thinking about the times that weren't so awful, like bathing with him in the sea and walking around the woods in search for fruits, and most of all sleeping all huddled together on the bed of leaves every night.

You missed that, you really did miss it at times.

“Daemon?’

“What would you like for your birthday?” you asked him as you realized it would come soon as well, you were on the island when you turned 27, he had gone out of his way to collect fresh coconut water and had made a fruit platter for you which was more than enough on that forsaken place.

“I want your trust and faith in me” you turned around as he said that and kissed him softly.

Besides he was planning something to surprise you with instead, he had a meeting with his lawyer for the same reason and his lawyer certainly didn't think it was a great idea to go forward with this but he knew he wanted to do this, for both of you.

“And i want to take you somewhere with me” he said to you

“Mmmm where?” You giggled as your heart skipped a beat. You just hoped he wasn't going to take you to meet his family just yet. It felt too soon for that.

“It's going to be a surprise, hence the trust and faith demand“

“I trust you baby” his lips curved into a sweet smile as you said that.

The plan moving forward was to take a nap with him and it was very cozy until he began shivering in his sleep, telltale sign of a nightmare and you knew what it was about, it was about that night in the woods that he had spent all alone without you, he deeply struggled with the memory of the night and it was very hard on him so you know he was reliving the same trauma in his sleep. Or that's what you thought.

You didn't know that he was having a nightmare but not about being stranded in the woods but about you being bitten by that spider, he always had a nightmare about that night where instead of you being alright the next morning he saw your dead lifeless body and he was left all alone without his brave girl by his side.

When he woke up he pretended as if he wasn't affected by the nightmare in the slightest and asked you to get ready as you were both invited to the Paradise for Cole's birthday. Luckily Lily wasn't there because of her injury but the group had decided to visit her post drinking.

When you reached hand in hand with him, it felt a little awkward, people who recognised you kept staring and you felt like an animal in the zoo. The attention was uncomfortable, as you just wanted to blend in with the other people and enjoy the evening without the scrutiny.

Life had changed in more ways than one, at times you were not even Daemon or y/n, you were just that couple that was stranded on an island for six months. Whenever you were out in public, people would inevitably make reference to your story, and you found yourself being treated like a celebrity. You felt objectified though as if there was nothing more to you anymore than what you had suffered.

After greeting Cole as you spotted Emma you walked towards her.

“How's D?” She asked you so you looked at her confused for a moment.

“Daemon? He's doing okay umm-”

“No the Dick..how's his dick..is it as good as rumored?” she asked you as she crossed her arms so you pulled her into a hug.

“I'm sorry em.. I'm so sorry for being such a bitch when you were just looking out for me”

Your eyes teared up as you spoke to her so she hugged you as tightly as you were hugging her.

“It's okay..I get that..they tell me not to take it personally..you both have been through something none of us can imagine living through” you looked down as she said that.

“That's not an excuse to lash out but I'll be careful i promise..now let's get drunk..it's been a while and you're going to reveal every tea about Aemond” she blushed bright red as you whispered the last part in her ear. You were happy for her, she deserved someone making her happy and gleeful like this.

A band was performing in the club and you noticed how Daemon kept looking at them while they played as if wondering about his own time on the stage, you knew he missed singing and being up there.

Afterwards when the group decided to go see Lily you chose to opt out but Daemon insisted and pleaded until you gave in, perhaps seeing him with you would finally make her back off a little bit and she'd realize that Daemon has moved on from their toxic relationship.

However as you all turned up at her place you saw a man leaving her house, you recognised him even though nobody else did, it was one of the major crew members at Queen Utopia, Danny something, you didn't remember his full name but he was the man Lily was with that night. He handled the maintenance of the cargo area.

As he walked past you he looked you right in the eye, you saw something in those eyes but you couldn't put your finger on it.

They always told you to not put blame on anyone as the tragedy was nobody's fault but what if it was somebody's fault? And what if it was Danny who had something to do with it?

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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@ammo23 @anukulee

[boyfhee]

⌕ TAKE TWO ━━ 23 : leaving for good

PRECIS. while riki constantly assured you that him being an idol under a different label wouldn't be an issue in your relationship, you start getting second thoughts when fans start shipping him with his co-mc at music bank.

w : angst but r we surprised ( 2.03k )

note : haha guys enjoy !!!!

“are you breaking up with me?” riki’s words are laced with confusion and disbelief. you both were getting better, you talked— sure, a few loose ends were left untouched. there were questions yet to be answered, but nothing quite led his assumptions to this conclusion, even in the worst scenarios. “answer me, yn,” 

“you asked if i could give you another chance and i did that. now, i don’t think i have any more chances to spare,” and what else were you supposed to say? that you feel guilty for hiding the truth, or that you can’t even bring yourself to give him the actual reason why you’re breaking up? the only reason why you wanted to have the first say in whatever you both were to discuss was because you didn’t trust yourself. “i think we’re better off without each other,” 

because you came here to tell him everything and perhaps, make him feel less guilty about himself and his actions, but now you don’t know where all the determination went the moment riki took the lead. 

“this doesn’t make sense,” you hear him murmur under his breath, a deep sigh escaping his lips. “is it because i didn’t explain things to you sooner?”

“it’s not about you,”

“we can make amends,” and it pains you to see hope in his eyes. 

“riki, this isn’t about you and no, we can’t ma—”

he takes a sharp breath. “well, then tell me what it’s abo—”

“i kissed jungwon,” a pause, a short session of silence follows. you don’t quite understand the depth of your words until you’ve already said it. “i don’t know how or why it happened. we were just talking, he confessed, and i kissed him. i can’t even sort out my own feelings and this is unfair to you.” and you’re just waiting for him to say something before you lose composure.“we should break up,” 

you did plan on telling him, really, in all honesty. that was the plan, the reason why you decided to meet him again, but once again, when have plans ever worked in your favour? he deserved to know the whole story, just not like this, not when you both are in the middle of a probable breakup with your relationship hanging by a string. this discussion wasn’t even planned because you thought riki wouldn’t question your decisions or the break up. in fact, you expected him to anticipate the same. you didn’t want to keep things from him, not after what happened, you just didn’t know how to put everything in words until it fell off your mouth like wind in jet streams. 

but you are here either way, sitting in front of him, fiddling with your fingers, mind blank, silence stinging like poisoned darts. you’re not expecting anything, not after what you’ve done, but you want him to say something— anything. you want him to yell at you, call you a cheating lying bitch, curse you out, anything but silence. yet still, riki keeps his mouth shut. his eyes widened for a brief second, you guess that he wants to speak, but words never leave his mouth, and when they do, you feel like the ground has shifted below your feet. 

“i had feelings for miya,” it takes you a second to realise that you both were finally playing the truth game, stripping each other off the facades. “it doesn’t make sense. she was annoying, she wanted to hang out all the time. she was demanding. but, i started liking those demands, y’know? it was fun, i liked having someone to hang out with while you weren’t there, made me feel less lonely, to put it straight. and then things escalated, i wanted to see her more. maybe that’s why i got mad whenever you’d bring her up. i was scared you’d find out, but now that i know the kind of person she is, i’ve lost a friend, and i’m close to losing you,” 

now, the silence is on your side. 

you’re not holding back any tears, your hands aren’t shaking, you’re not in disbelief or feeling utter betrayal. you’re not heartbroken to the point from where, there’s no recovery. if anything, you’ve come to terms with reality. despite the fear and insecurities, a part of you has always been aware of whatever was going on between him and miya. romantic or not, it didn’t matter. you simply knew she was one of his very first priorities, probably even before you. right now, it’s not his words that hurt you the most, but rather, they make you question the very basis of your relationship. how many times did he ignore you for her? was there a time when you weren’t his first priority? 

how many times did riki say i love you to you and it was meant for someone else? 

“would i have dated her if you had never found out? probably, and that makes the two of us equal,” and his words now give you the answers to your questions, sort of. 

probably more than you can count on your fingers. 

“no, it does not,” you argue back, voice a little louder, turning heads in your direction as you pause before speaking at a much lower amplitude. “i kissed jungwon,” 

but, he never cheated on you, did he? 

“it was a mistake,” riki says softly, lips pressed together between words. “you were scared, you were having a hard time, and people tend to accept every ounce of affection in hard times. you’re owing up to your mistakes, i did the same. i think we’ll be fine,” at this point, it’s not you who he’s trying to convince, but himself. his heart that is beating at an enormous rate, every pump of blood that feels like a knife twisting in his chest, every breath that threatens to collapse his lungs, he’s telling his mind that the pain will be over, that there’s still a chance. 

but riki doesn’t know where he stands, where you both stand. the damage was done, he is aware of all the tears and night it had cost. your decision is probably right, breaking up would be the best. sunghoon has been telling him to take some time off, he’s exhausted, he needs a break, but is it really easy to drop your first love and pretend nothing ever happened? to ignore everything you two had, to forget all the firsts and all the promises about being each other lasts, to discard the polaroids in his dorms that take him back to the moment they were taken, is it really as simple as it sounds, or is moving on a luxury only for people in movies and novels? 

“can you just get mad at me? i don’t know, curse me out, yell at me, say you never want to see me again,” you’re knee-deep in desperation. your veins are no longer carrying blood, it’s the guilt oozing out of your heart. “please, make this easy for me,” 

and even at this point, even when you’re the villain in your own story, when the pain he’s feeling is probably multiple folds severe than yours, when the scars you gave him in return are much deeper than the cuts he left you, you’re still begging him for mercy, to let you go because it makes things easier for you. 

“is it necessary?” his voice is tender, sadness pooling in his eyes. “we came clean. so, what’s the point of hurting ourselves, yn?” 

“and if we get back together, can i count on you?” it’s not a question for him. more or less, they’re the words you’ve been asking yourself over and over again, and when you can't find the answers, you direct them to him. “what are the chances that this will not happen again? how sure are you about your feelings for me? how are you sure that what you’re feeling is for me and not for someone else? what are the chances that you will not fall for someone else while claiming to be in love with me, and what are the chances that i won’t kiss jungwon again?” 

loving was never supposed to be easy. you were young, you kissed under the street lights, you held hands on your way back home, you drank from the same cup, that was love for you and riki when you started dating, where the thoughts about breakups and moving on didn’t even cross your minds. but you grow, the problems you face are no longer about not being able to text and bid a sweet goodnight, and most importantly, sometimes the solution isn’t to kiss and make up. 

if you’re being honest, loving was never for you. you had your own demons, he had his own issues. ‘tell me your problems and i’ll make them mine,’ only sounds good in fiction. in real life, when you’re sitting in front of the love of your life while talking about breaking up, nothing haunts you more than what has been caving inside your mind. at that moment, every single weakness surfaces and suddenly, you no longer think about how the other person is feeling. you kissed jungwon because you were in pain, you didn’t think about the effect it would have on riki or jungwon himself. riki turned to miya because you were absent, not knowing the depths of his actions and the harm it could potentially cause. 

so, at the end of the day, loving was never meant for the two of you, at least not now. the only thing written in your fates was leaving for good.   

“you’re right, we could get back and pretend none of this ever happened. but, riki, i can’t even look you in the eyes,” it’s true, to some extent, yes. you’re sitting here, you’re talking, you’re still in love, not sure with whom, it isn’t any different for him either. forgetting everything that happened would be easier, but you’re not sure how long you two will last. “ask yourself again, do you want this relationship because you still love me, or do you want it because you want to save yourself from heartbreak?” 

“we’re breaking up for good, aren’t we?” you notice the corner of his lips perk up, an ironic smile settling on his face, because who even breaks up for good? all those movies about leaving because you love the person and want them to be happy never made sense to riki. 

what’s so happy about breakups, anyway? 

“it’s the best for us,” you nod, after all, it’s the best for you two, right?  

and yet, it’s not in the best interest of you two. he wants to stay, you want to leave, the ‘good’ part of breakup, he doesn’t see it. riki never understood the hypothesis behind the good breakups and the breakups that happened while two people were still in love. you don’t throw away a cake even when you’re hungry, he thinks it’s the same logic. to leave the person you love the most for ‘better’, to spend days and nights and afternoons thinking about them and torturing yourself over and over, to drown in endless yearning and the lingering memories— he’d rather have it the other way. 

if you’re the sun, riki wants you to burn him, if you're the moon, he wants you to freeze him cold. love, for riki, is not something that puts him to bed but rather, it’s something that takes away his sleep every night. so, leaving for good doesn’t make sense to him, for he simply wants you back, in any way, any form. even if you return to him as a ghost, it’s fine, he wants you to haunt him forever. 

a theatrical confession, he doesn’t say it out loud. it would be stupid, but you seem to know what he’s thinking, the tears brimming your eyes tell him that. 

“this is probably going to sound stupid, but i want to ask you just one question,” you hold your breathe. “in future, if you find yourself in a position to fall in love again,”

“will you fall for me?”  

PREV | NEXT | MASTERLIST

[vindicated-truth]

Joowon's return to Manyang after his sabbatical in Busan is often seen as him being a copycat to how Dongsik was at the beginning of the series, but I feel like what's often overlooked is that the dynamic shifts too, for Dongsik:

Dongsik is, against his will, now put in Joowon's place, the way Joowon was in the beginning.

Just as Dongsik was using Joowon before, so is Joowon using Dongsik now.

And you can tell it rattles Dongsik, experiencing for himself what he put Joowon through: all the cryptic questions, feeling doubt about what he believes in, feeling doubt about the people around him.

I think it's at this point in the story that Dongsik finally feels what Joowon must have once felt: that he's being played for no good reason.

To be clear, Joowon did treat Dongsik badly before. Yet I also think Dongsik is realizing at this point that he treated Joowon badly before, too.

Joowon was operating under the assumption that Dongsik was a serial killer (and then later on an accomplice to the serial killer, which turned out to be not wrong in the most technical sense), hence his mistreatment of Dongsik. Not excusable, but understandable. Joowon's own moral compass, for better for worse, hinged on guilty until proven innocent, instead of the other way around.

Dongsik, on the other hand, had been deliberately using Joowon, without letting Joowon know all the pertinent details and just letting Joowon stumble in the dark, desperate and struggling to find the answers for himself that Dongsik himself knew but wasn't providing.

And to be clear, Dongsik did have good reason to not trust Joowon in the beginning, especially as Han Kihwan's son. But I think here, at this point in the story post Joowon's sabbatical, where the dynamic is switched and Dongsik is the one now being played, it's only then that it hit Dongsik what he put Joowon through, too.

I think it's why they both had a strange sort of understanding by the middle of the series because they were forced to experience what it's like to be put in the other's shoes. And whatever they did to each other was effectively neutralized especially after Nam Sangbae's death, when they both started to realize there was much, much more at play here—and more players than they initially thought.

That it did not, in fact, end with Kang Jinmook. Even though Jinmook was the serial killer.

At this point, they still do not know all the other players involved: Cho Gilgu, Jung Cheolmun, Park Jeongje, Do Haewon, Lee Changjin, Han Kihwan.

But they are about to. And they realize that to uncover all these hidden players in the game, they have to stop playing each other and they now have to start working together.

Truthfully, this time, without having to hide anything from each other. No cryptic clues. Just honesty, in its barest, most painful form.

Against all odds, they now have to start trusting each other.

[witchyfemking]

🌹🐉Queen/Mother Lilith master-post 🐍🦇

DISCLAIMER

There are many people saying that working with Queen Lilith is closed, id ask that you please go to the last link. A Jewish content creator goes into detail about why 1.) That's false and 2.) Why claiming this is actually antisemitic.

I understand that this deity may hold a negative context to different people/cultures(i.e. people of Jewish culture)/faiths etc. Please be respectful and mindful. Both the people and the divinity have the right to respect. Just because a divinity/entity has been the best thing in the world to you, doesn’t mean that’s the case for someone else(vice versa). Thank you for your consideration.

Mother Lilith is a divinity that I hold very dear. She has been a big help to me and has guided me in my journery of self love and reparenting myself.

Lore/mythology (briefly summarized)

Lilith originally was the first wife of Adam; made from the same primordial matter as her counterpart by the one who created her. She has left the garden in anger because she refused to lay under Adam; Lilith wanted to be seen as Adams equal but he refused. God sent angels to take Lilith back to Eden at Adam’s request. She was located near/in/at the Red Sea. Her children had been slain because of her refusal to return. ( I have heard conflicting info from different sources but I’ll recall what I think is to be more accurate at this point). Some of the fallen angels (a big figure being Lord Lucifer) had made themselves acquainted with her and they had gained each others’ trust. This is the point where Lilith had became a demon and was at least set on the path to becoming a highly ranked Infernal deity(if not at this point already). Lilith at some point after this whispered empowering thoughts into Eve during her dreams; leading her to eat the fruit.

Lilith also has an aspect tied to the Mesopotamian demon Lilitu.

Signs/Symbols of Queen Lilith(some i’ve personally experienced as well):

Snake imagery

Birds( robins, cardinals, blue jays, doves, owls or any corvid/black bird) I’d like to mention that she left me a robin who had passed, cause she knew I’d give it a proper burial.

Witnessing any of her other sacred animals (mentioned below) or frequently seeing imagery of them

Me and other devotees of hers have known her to send really animal that’s black as signs

rose imagery

sudden interest in her

sudden yearning desire to explore oneself/identity

speaking up/ standing up for yourself in circumstances in which you normally wouldn’t

for uterus owners; in my personal experience she had gotten terribly frustrated that i wasn’t noticing her so she started affecting my ‘moon cycle’. I experienced irregularities, increased pain and moodiness. I also got much more fatigued during my time of the month in the time she was trying to get my attention. She may or may not feel the need to do something of this fashion to get your attention; My only assumption that she did so in my case is because I was extremely oblivious. However I highly implore you discuss things with your doctor before concluding that this is the cause.

You may notice the wind howling louder

Vampiric/Succubus imagery/energy

Draconic and/or primordial energy

Energy of water or the ocean

Feeling of not necessarily one certain element (maybe all of them together)

feelings of a motherly energy

dreams/visions of red or dark haired woman( i’ve honestly had her appear to me as blonde). She may be a witch, possibly a queen. She could be protecting you during the experience ( if you’re on her good side ofc)

Sacred animals of Queen Lilith

Snakes

Dragons

Hyenas

Cats of various kinds ( domestic, wild, especially with black or dark coats)

Ostriches

Spiders

Unicorns

Owls

Goats

Bats

What does Queen Lilith specialize in? What can she help you with?

taking back your power

shadow work ( specifically the feminine side of the side)

tapping into/ welcoming your dark feminine energy

welcoming dark femme energy into your life

dark femme workings

defends women/femmes and children who’ve suffered abuse(especially s3xually)

Improving sexual relationships

asserting independence

support in women/womxn’s/femmes rights

fighting oppression/sexisim placed on women/fem identifying people by the patriarchy(or in general)

assistance in gaining respect and/or recognition for contributions

exploring/awakening sexuality (especially if you need assistance with you libido)

sex magic ( more specifically feminine dominance)

Assistance with menstrual magic/spells/rituals

Help in any women/female health issues ( menstrual issues, moods swings, feritility, MtF/FtM etc.)

( i recommend you be treated by a medical professional along with the last point; mundane before magical; magic/spirituality shouldn’t be used in place of medical treatment, simply as support.)

Correspondences/ Offerings

Herbs/Plants/Scents:

Belladonna (POISONOUS)

Nightshade (POISONOUS)

Mugwort ( still use with caution)

Sandalwood(Red + White)

Patchouli

Rose

Jasmine

Lotus

Dragon’s Blood

Cinnamon

Olibanum

Camphor

Myrrh

Jasmine

Frankincense

Amber

Saffron

Crystals:

Onyx

Fire opal

Diamond

Ruby

Obsidian

Topaz

Red Jasper

Red Carnelian

Black Moonstone

Black tourmaline

Jet

Garnet

Clear quartz

Food/Drink:

Chocolate ( Especially anything Dark and/or spicy )

Lime

Pumpkins/ Gourds(idk if gourds are edible tho, but to a deity it doesn’t matter lmao)

Red velvet sweets

Chocolate cake

In my personal experience, she loved these Sriracha Peanut Butter Chocolate Cupcakes I used to be able to get.

Spicy foods

Apples

Pomegranates/Pomegranate juice

Colors:

Black

Reds (Especially blood red or velvet tone)

Purple

Orange

Gold

Magenta

Dark pink

Silver

Dark Grey

Time/Days:

Wednesday

Friday

Witching hour (either Midnight or anytime 3-4 am)

Dark/New Moon phase

Beltane Sabbat/May Day ( sexual theme of the holiday)

Oct. 24 ( some sources claim this is the day Lilith left Eden)

Feb 29 (on leap year. Woman are known to break traditional norms during this time)

Miscellaneous:

Empress (Tarot)

High Priestess (Tarot)

Moon ( Tarot)

Strength (Tarot)

Any Queen Card ( More Specifically to my UPG, Swords and Wands suits)

Air and Fire are her main elements. However, she does not limit herself to one specific element, she has traits of all.

Vampiric/Succubus energy

Draconic/Primordial Energy

What is she like?

To me, Lilith is very much like a mother. Im sure you could probably guess by how I addressed her in the beginning of this post( which I call her Mother Lilith for personal reasons). She very much holds the energy of a firm mother who cares very much for her children. Lilith is very much stern when she feels the need, but knows when you need her to be gentle. Many times she has been a source of comfort and encouragement for me. If you show her the decency and respect she deserves, she will give it to you in return. If she sees you as her child (or holds you dear in anyway) she will go to distant lengths to protect you or to show your abusers not to mess with you again ( at times on her own accord). There are times where she made things difficult for people who wronged me on her own(probably a lot more I don’t know about). Mother Lilith is extremely supportive and will be there when needed, but she will not coddle you. She will not baby you. I see a lot of practitioners say “ she wont hold your hand” that’s true in a sense. Yes there are things you need to face alone, but a mother wont deny holding your hand if needed, she just wont do things for you. She will empower you to do things with independence. Lilith is definitely the kind of mentor to give you a rude wake up call when you’re not acting like yourself or doing things that wont benefit yourself or others. She is not afraid to be mean and wicked with you if need be.

Lilith’s energy generally feels airy and fiery. She carries herself regally and a sense of pride. Like i’ve mentioned, she doesn’t necessarily tie herself to one element, I’ve felt energy of all elements come from her, I assume this comes from her shapeshifting nature.

Sources and links

My own personal experience and UPG

Lilith Queen of the Night

Lilith and Witchcraft

Lilith: The Demonic Paradise Wiki

Lilith ( Occult world entry)

Tumblr users entry on Queen Lilith (i’ve honestly had a rocky history with the author of this post, I hadn’t realized who this was until after I recorded the information, but I still am going to give them credit where it’s due because it’s only right and their post gives solid information)

https://occult-world.com/lilith/