#they still have a rivalry it’s just very low-stakes

[honey-dont]

ye olde flower shop/tattoo parlor au but zb runs the flower shop and btb runs the tattoo parlor

[gunbun]

Gunbun's Pro Wrestling Explainer For FFXIV Players Who Don't Understand Graps Very Well

Hi! Are you an FFXIV player whose only exposure to pro wrestling is the tales of how Vince McMahon is a piece of shit? Do you have thinkthonks about the raid storyline so far but aren't clear on how it relates to pro wrestling? Do you think "correct me if I'm wrong, but…" about any part of pro wrestling, but you're not a watcher? Are you interested in obtaining a little bit of knowledge and context about what it is we're seeing in the Ascension Arcadia Championship?

I gotchu. This whole raid storyline is a large homage to the highs and lows of professional wrestling, and from my knowledge as a fan of WWE in particular, its storyline so far is unfolding just like the fictional storylines that unfold in our real-world on a regular basis.

I posit that the present Ascension Arcadia Championship is a pro wrestling promotion that exists in Solution 9. And that it's not only helpful but entertaining once you become a little genre-savvy about it.

Sidebar For The Smarks: Yes, other professional wrestling promotions exist. We got TNA, ROH, AEW, all the indie promotions, AJPW, NJPW, STARDOM…. there are many. I'm just using WWE here as an example as it's the promotion I'm the most familiar with. There's more to pro wrestling than WWE. But I'm using one promotion as an example to explain the tropes of these kinds of storylines to folks who might not understand.

Preface: A List of Wrestling Terminology

Pro Wrestling has its own lingo. This is not an exhaustive list, just trying to cover the terms I'm gonna use in the essay part.

Promotion/Federation - a company that presents a stable of wrestlers fighting to compete to win a title to the greater public for sports entertainment. Talent can move from promotion to promotion. Federation is an older-school term for the same.

Title - the cool belt that the champion gets to wear. disclaimer: may not always be cool.

Talent - a professional wrestler.

Heel - the Bad Guy character.

Face - the Good Guy character.

Gimmick - basically the core of the talent's character. Are they an undead wizard? A genre-savvy angry Canadian man? A sexy male stripper? Pro Wrestling Barbie? A maybe-stoner Samoan who turned YEET into his catchphrase? These are all gimmicks that have existed or do exist in pro-wrestling today.

Booking - where the management of the promotion decides who fights whom and what the stakes will be (title defense, match style, etc).

Bump - when wrestlers collide with either one another, or the mat, or the turnbuckle, or the announcer table, or the ring steps, or the barricades…..

Work - this is stuff within the entertainment itself that furthers the fictional story of kayfabe.

Shoot - this is stuff that is Real Life that may affect the fictional story of kayfabe.

Promo/Promo Segment - speeches/skits done between matches to further storylines.

Pin/Pinfall - when one guy pins the other guy for a count of three. it usually means they win!

Submission - when one guy taps out after the other guy usually twists them into some kind of painful position. it definitely means they lose.

Kayfabe - the illusion that the characters, rivalries, and championships within a promotion are anything more than stuff that the talent does to get a paycheque. Both the talent and the audience suspend their disbelief and buy-in to the idea that the match has real stakes. It's the fiction that plays out as part of the matches. ------

Part One: PRO WRESTLING IS FAKE AND GAY

First thing I want you to do, while the smarks are still distracted above because I neglected to mention their favourite promotion, is hop over to YouTube and watch….. oooh! How about Drew McIntyre vs CM Punk in Hell in a Cell at Bad Blood 2024? Content warning for blood, blood, so much blood, but you can view this match here.

Did you see how CM Punk just annihilated Drew McIntyre with that toolbox? Did you see the absolutely balls-to-the-wall violence on display? The athleticism?! I went to that match in person and Drew had to have his head stapled back together! It was intense.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK, GUNBUN, you say, I THOUGHT PRO WRESTLING WAS FAKE.

Nope. It's predetermined. It's booked. It is a live performance involving people beating the shit out of one another for the entertainment of a crowd. It is done deliberately, with full consent of all parties, and today is done as safely as is possible.

In my other posts, I said that wrestling is predetermined and semi-choreographed. However, saying this does not mean that the bumps are not real and that they do not hurt. It doesn't mean that the talent aren't giving it their all.

The wrestlers are still beating the absolute shit out of one another. They use their skills and know-how to do their best to keep it from causing severe injury. In fact, wrestlers are always contending with one injury or the other. The vast, vast majority can be stapled up and given some PT and are back to work (wrestlers are in insanely good shape; they have to be!), but sometimes it's career-ending. Look up Diamond Dallas Page or Big E or Charlotte Flair and what they've been contending with lately/in their past. It is rough on the talent, even when practiced as safely as is possible.

The 'fake' part comes from the wrestling principle of kayfabe. Kayfabe is the fictional world wherein the promotion exists, it is the personae of all the talent in the promotion and the way they interact with one another.

I asked ya to watch the HIAC highlight reel for a reason. In real life, CM Punk is a guy named Phil and Drew McIntyre is a guy named Andrew and this match is the culmination of months of matches and feuding between their characters. Phil and Andrew, the people, are working together to create a spectacle for us, the audience. Punk and Drew, the characters, want to kill each other. It was expected that there would be blood during this kind of a match, and it was expected that Punk was gonna clobber McIntyre with that toolbox, but the cut was not expected to be that severe. And yet, this is live. They can't stop. And they deliver what is shaping up to be an all-time classic match. You'll notice everyone cheering and chanting. This is the other part of kayfabe: the promotion presents us the fiction, and we play along. We cheer for the faces, boo for the heels, or are die-hards for our favourite talent. One of my favourite wrestlers right now is undergoing a heel turn, where his character is moving from being a face to being a heel, and the reasons why are very dramatic storytelling.

If you think about it too hard, it's stupid as hell. But the talent love to do it and pride themselves on doing it well, it is undergoing kind of a renaissance right now from its shady past, and it's the modern-day gladatorial combat.

(The 'gay' part? Just…. just google Rhea Ripley. Then Damian Priest. Then Drew McIntyre. Then Roman Reigns. Then Tiffany Stratton. Then Becky Lynch. Then Jey Uso. Trust me.)

--------

Part Two: OKAY BUT WTF DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE ARCADION

I am already 1200+ words deep into this, so I looked at the introductory cutscene for the raid. And…. um, friends, Romans, countrymen, puks that I know: kayfabe is demonstrably and textually alive and well in AAC. The Arcadion is a show. What is my proof? First conversation, Metem, the promoter of the federation tells the WOL it's a spectacle. That's the word he uses.

He then says the purpose of the Arcadion is "By providing them with gripping entertainment it is our hope to have them forget their cares." However, to shock the citizens out of their stupor, they need someone new! New entertainment is the best way to get them to think about something that isn't their dead queen and the horrifying realization of what regulator usage means, after all.

Well, how about the hero of the day, the one who killed the king?

That's what the mysterious behind-the-scenes president of the federation (Metem's boss) thinks WOL can be the next champion. And then immediately tells us the storyline he wishes to cultivate and discusses WOL's remuneration for participation.

WOL agrees.

Opinion time: At first I called him Lalafell JBL because of the hat, but having reviewed the cutscene Metem is totally giving me NXT-Shawn Michaels vibes. I love it. Anyway.

WOL enters THE LOCKER ROOM. We are introduced to the three combatants AS THEIR CHARACTERS. We don't learn their names yet, but all right.

Honey B talks about sharing the stage with the WOL.

Brute Bomber talks about meeting WOL the ring and how he's gonna take them down!

This is literally and explicitly kayfabe we are walking into. It is not a matter of opinion. It's in the text. It's in the tropes. The three other combatants are doing the kayfabe thing of establishing themselves. Metem explains that they're characters (literally) and that this is their way of welcoming WOL to the locker room. Metem then explains how AAC works and he and WOL work out the deal for the souls from the repository. This isn't anything deeper than making the battles align to an 8-man raid. This is all Alexandrian flavor.

The shoot is the WOL saving souls. The work is Fresh Flavour for the Arcadion. Metem tells us he'll tell us more after our first match.

Thus begins M1: Black Cat is our foe who uses a feral soul to become .... that thing. This is Black Cat's gimmick. In the Arcadion the gimmicks are literal transformations via feral souls, but they serve the exact same purpose. WOL's gimmick is LOOK MA, NO REGULATOR, in case it wasn't clear.

WOL is told that all of this hullaballoo is in place in order to provide the audience with a spectacle. it's first and foremost entertainment.

Metem explicitly tells you this is entertainment, this is a show. Right there in the cutscenes.

Like IDK what else I can say. It's kayfabe. QED.

I am not going to get into the storyline for M2-4, but it is almost a shooty nature: something from real life is affecting the fighters and it's being covered up. THIS is the wrong that WOL will right. The spectacle continues because it is the way of life for people.

[jaethaone]

Claiming What’s Mines

Part 2 Of “Coming for What’s Mines”

Parings: Roman Reigns x Black female reader, mentions of Carmelo Hayes x reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Ratings: 18+ Minors DNI

Warnings: Smut!! , Bad Smut Possibly, unprotected sex (Always Wrap It Up) , Possessive, Toxic Roman

Summary: After Trying To Avoid Roman Since His Return, And Show That You’re Moving On, Roman’s Had Enough Of The Games And Decided To Let You Know Who You Belong To

A/n: So The Creative Juices Have Been Flowing So Part 2 Is Here Faster Than Expected, Its Also My First Time Writing Smut So Bear With Me. I’d Also Like To Thank Everyone Whose Loved The First Part, I Wasn’t Expecting How Well Its Been Doing So Thank You .. I Hope You Guys Enjoy This Part.

GIF Credit: @jeysuso

The atmosphere backstage was electric, thrumming with the echoes of the crowd that had just departed the arena. The deafening cheers from the arena still reverberated in the air, vibrating with the energy of the crowd that had just witnessed an electrifying episode of SmackDown.

Among it all, a palpable tension brewed, one that was far more intimate than the public scene.

Two weeks had passed since Roman had unleashed his fury, reminding everyone why he was the Tribal Chief of the Bloodline, and why challenging him was a grave mistake. But it wasn’t just the wrestling world that was in upheaval. Your feelings were a storm, tossed between the lingering memory of Roman and the magnetic pull of Carmelo.

Charming and charismatic his attention had become a reprieve from the chaos, a welcome distraction from the heat of your complicated emotions for Roman. You had needed space, yet the distance had only stoked the flames.

You had been avoiding Roman these last two weeks.. or at least trying to. Flitting between the chaotic backstage life and stolen moments with Carmelo.

You had tried to spend more time with him.. with Carmelo, trying to show Roman that you could move on.

And yet, the longer you avoided Roman, the more you sensed his relentless pursuit, a force too strong to disregard.

You had been trying to escape from Roman’s looming presence and his possessiveness, the latter being something you haven’t experienced before, using every ounce of willpower to stand firm in your decision that you’d move on.

But still, Roman lurked in the corners of your mind. The memory of his gaze, smoldering with a fierceness that made your heart race, haunted you. He had a way of making your very being tremble, leaving you unsure yet yearning—caught in a maelstrom of conflicting emotions.

After the recent events at SummerSlam, where you had stood up to him, Roman had taken your rejection with a sort of nonchalance that made you ache. “Just know that I’ll be waiting,” was all he had said with that signature smirk, leaving you simmering in uncertainty. You thought avoiding him would help, but Roman was relentless; he always had to be in control, always had to get what he wanted, and right now, what he wanted was you.

Tonight, everything had exploded during his showdown with Solo, anger and frustration spilling over. His rivalry with the Bloodline had ignited a fire in him, but it was the sight of you laughing with Carmelo backstage that had truly pushed him to his breaking point. Roman had always been possessive, and right now, he was more determined than ever to stake his claim.

Roman leaned against the wall, arms crossed, the shadows emphasizing his chiselled jaw and sharp features. His dark eyes tracked every movement of the two figures in front of him.

He watched as you retreated down the hall, waiting until you were out of view before stepping to Carmelo

“Still think you can dance with fire and not get burned?” Roman’s voice broke the charged silence, low and dripping with menace.

Carmelo raised an eyebrow turning around, a sly smile playing across his lips. “I’m just here to have a good time. You know how it is, Reigns.”

“That’s the problem,” Roman leaned in, closing the distance. “You’re having too much of a good time and forgetting who belongs to who.”

“Like I said, it’s just fun”

“Well you can go have fun with someone else”

“Nah” Carmelo stepping up to Roman despite size difference, “I think I’m going to continue to have my.. fun.” Patting Roman on the shoulder and walking away.

“Yeah” Roman says rubbing his hand over his face. “We gone see”

With that he walks away.. towards your dressing room

Finally in the confines of your dressing room you sat on the couch that was positioned in the corner letting you have a view of the whole room. Letting out a long breath, you sat contemplating Carmelo’s offer. He suggested you come back to his hotel room tonight. And any other time you’d be all for the distraction. Yet, in the depths of your mind, like an ominous shadow, Roman loomed large.

He wasn’t just the crowd’s favorite. He was a force—a storm of confidence wrapped in simmering danger. You had seen it in his eyes when he fought for what he wanted, and it terrified you.

You were about to get up to change your clothes when the door burst open with a force that caught your attention, revealing Roman—jaw clenched, eyes ablaze with determination.

The tension in the air thickened as he pushed the door closed, his imposing presence filling the small space.

There was a moment—silent, electric—between you and Roman.

“What are you doing here, Roman?” you asked, a hint of defiance in your voice, but knowing full well what the answer was.

“I came to set things straight,” he replied, his tone smooth but laced with underlying menace. His eyes bore into yours, dark like a storm cloud, intense enough to make your heart leap in both fear and excitement.

You stood slowly, feeling the weight of Roman's gaze pulling you closer. The air thickened as you crossed the space between you and him, the palpable tension wrapping around you both.

“Roman, I—” you began, but he cut you off with a sharp shake of his head.

“No more games,” Roman asserted, stepping forward until he was mere inches away. “Two weeks of hiding from me, running around with him…it ends now.”

“Look I’m just trying to move on,” you challenged, trying to sound nonchalant but failing to mask your own growing irritation.

“Move on?” He laughed, a cold, harsh sound that resonated in your chest. “You think you can just move on from me, after everything? Look around; we both know it’s not that easy.”

“Roman, you don’t own me,” you asserted, your voice steadier than your pulse.

His eyes darkened, the air between you heating up, igniting something that had been smoldering for far too long.

You crossed your arms, grounding yourself as you tried to resist the storm brewing in your chest. “Honestly, What do you want, Roman? I thought I made myself clear.”

“Clear?” He stepped forward some more, invading your space, heat radiating off him like the sun. “You think you can just brush me off? You think you can move on with him?”

“Carmelo has nothing to do with this,” you snapped, trying to stand firm against the overwhelming presence of the man before you. But even as you said the words, doubt trickled in. ”Besides, you made your choice.”

“Did I?” Roman scoffed, the corner of his mouth twitching into a smirk that sent a thrill through your core.

“Look, I don’t belong to you, Roman,” you asserted, your voice stronger than you felt. “So this walking around thinking that i do, is going to stop”

The corners of his mouth twitched, a faint smirk forming. “That’s where you’re wrong,” he said, his voice dropping to a low growl.

“You’ve always belonged to me.”

“Roman…”

He silenced you with a fierce kiss, capturing your lips with an urgency that sent shivers dancing along your spine. It wasn’t the softness of Carmelo’s charm; it was raw, passionate, and intoxicating. You felt yourself surrender, your body responding instinctively to the heat of his kiss, the touch of his hands as they roamed down your hips, pulling you deeper into him.

“Do you understand now?” he murmured against your lips, hungry and possessive.

“You’re mine. You always have been and always will be.”

As he pulled away just enough to look into your eyes, there was a wildness in him—desire mingled with desperation. You could sense it; he was a man who didn’t take no for an answer, a man who had always gotten what he wanted.

“Roman, I—” you began, though it came out more breathless than you intended.

But he was relentless, pulling you flush against him again, his mouth capturing yours once more in a heated frenzy.

“You belong to me,” he murmured, a low growl that resonated deep within you. “And I’ll remind you of that.”

With renewed fervor, his hands slid down your sides, gripping your thighs and lifting you effortlessly until you were wrapped around him. You gasped at the sudden heat pooling within you, pressing your hips against his as if trying to draw him in further.

“Roman, please—”

As he backed you against the locker, his hands traveled over your skin, igniting sparks everywhere they touched, and your body replied in ways you couldn’t control. Every ounce of reason faded into a haze of pleasure, a growing fire that consumed everything else.

You couldn’t deny how intoxicating it felt to be wanted in such a primal way. The air around you thickened with sexual tension as he devoured your mouth, hands slipping beneath your clothes, caressing the bare skin beneath. You gasped, a mixture of desire and shock, but it only fueled his hunger further.

“Roman,” you gasped, struggling to regain control over your senses, but he silenced you with another fierce kiss. He devoured you, as though he were trying to consume your very essence, fueling the desire that had always simmered beneath the surface.

“I’ll show you who you belong to,” he murmured, pulling you away from the wall and into a flurry of movement as he led you to the couch in the room.

Roman's hands traced your figure, each caress igniting the fire inside you until it blazed beyond control.

With raw, hungry intent, he pushed you down, his body pressing against yours

“You’re mine, always will be,” he growled, his lips trailing along your neck, seductive and overwhelming. The unmistakable urgency of his actions ignited a hunger you could no longer resist.

Your breath quickened as you felt his tongue trace a path along your collarbone. You wanted to be selfish, to keep this moment for yourself. But more than that, you wanted Roman, and you wanted him now. You couldn’t deny that anymore.

"Please," you whispered, your hands tangling in his hair. "Don't make me wait any longer."

With a growl, Roman ripped your clothes off, exposing your lace bra and the swell of your breasts. You gasped at the sudden exposer, your nipples pebbling against the soft fabric.

Roman took one nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling as his hand drifted down to your core.

"You're so wet for me, YN," he murmured, his fingers tracing the outline of your pussy through your panties. "Tell me it’s mines."

"It’s yours," You moaned, your head falling back as he teased you. "Roman, please. I need you inside me."

With a rough tug, Roman ripped your panties aside, his fingers plunging into your heat.

You cried out, your hips bucking off the couch as he thrust his fingers deep inside you.

"That's it, baby," he groaned, adding a second finger. "Take it all. Take my fingers and wait for your turn to have my dick."

You were on fire, your body throbbing around his fingers as he worked you towards an orgasm. You cried out, your hands clutching at his shoulders as he slammed his fingers in and out of your wet hole.

"Come for me, YN," Roman demanded, his thumb seeking out your swollen clit. "Let me feel you cum around my fingers."

You couldn't hold back any longer. With a strangled cry, you convulsed around his hand, your body shaking as waves of pleasure crashed over you.

Roman rode out your orgasm, his fingers never slowing as he prolonged your release.

"That's my girl," he growled, withdrawing his wet fingers and bringing them to his mouth.

In a heady haze, you surrendered, losing yourself in the raw ferocity of his desire. He gave in to every fervent longing—the taste of his lips, the intensity of his touch—every action a promise that surged through your veins. This was not just physical; it was declaration, a statement of who you belonged to.

"You taste so fucking good."

You were panting, your body spent as Roman feasted on the taste of you. He kicked off his jeans, freeing his hard length, and positioned himself between your legs.

You looked up at him, your eyes glazed with desire as you watched him slap his dick on your throbbing core.

"Tell me you want my dick," he demanded, his voice hoarse with need.

"I want your dick," you whispered, your eyes flicking to his thick length. "I want it inside me. Please, Roman."

With one swift thrust, Roman filled you, moaning as your tight heat enveloped him. You gasped, your eyes rolling back as he stretched you, filling you in a way you had only dreamed of.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he groaned, beginning to move, his hips snapping as he set a relentless pace. "Tight little pussy was made for my cock."

You moaned, your nails digging into his shoulders as he pounded into you. The sound of your bodies slapping together filled the room, along with your grunts and moans. Roman's eyes never left yours as he fucked you, his breath coming in harsh gasps.

"Look at me, YN," he demanded, his hand tangling in her hair, guiding her head back. "Watch me fuck you."

Your eyes flew open, locking with his as he thrust deep, again and again. Your pussy clenched around him, milking his length as he hit all the right spots.

"Roman, I'm gonna cum," you cried out, her body tightening around him once more.

“Let everyone know who you belong to,” he whispered against your lips, his breath hot and needy. “You’re mine, say it”

You couldn’t do anything but moan

“Say It” He said one more time, thrusting harder

“I’m Yours!” You all but yelled

"Cum for me," he growled, his hips never slowing. "Cum around my cock, baby."

As if in a trance, you tensed, your body shaking as another orgasm ripped through you.

Roman felt your pussy pulse around him, and it sent him over the edge. With a roar, he thrust into you a few more times before he stilled, his release flooding your insides.

Panting, you stayed joined for a moment, Your legs wrapped around his waist as you both came down from your high. Then, with a soft smile, Roman gently withdrew, his eyes never leaving yours.

"That's how I claim what's mine," he whispered, helping you sit up. "And now, everyone will know who you belong to."

Your heart raced as you realized what you had just done. The dressing room offered just enough privacy, but your passionate encounter could easily have been overheard. But instead of feeling embarrassed, you felt empowered. You had just experienced mind-blowing sex with the man you wanted, and didn't care who knew it.

"You're right," you said, a smile playing at your lips. "And I can't wait to do it again."

The reality of your earlier struggles faded away in the face of his unwavering conviction, a promise to remind you of your place beside him.

After you both got dressed and a promise of round two and a final kiss, Roman left your dressing room, a satisfied smirk on his face. He knew that he had just reignited a past romance, and this time.. you were going nowhere

You belonged to Roman Reigns—always had, always would.

TAG LIST

@whatdoeseverybodywant @trippinsorrows

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[therummesoccupied]

IDW'S SONIC THE HEDGEHOG, ISSUE #70 - THOUGHTS

Keeping with standard Review!Tay tradition, I'm very late to the party again, but at least this time the new issue doesn't come out tomorrow, so I'll take the wins where I can get 'em.

You've likely heard by now, but this issue was really, really good. Like, I'm not sure I even could find anything to complain about, even if I'd wanted to. Every single aspect is thoroughly on point. The closest thing I could even fathom to complaint is that I don't really care for Sonic Riders, so this arc had to kind of win me over, but even that was accomplished early in the previous issue.

And just like last issue, the first thing that really had me in this one's corner was the art. I've already spoken at length about how much I adore Min Ho Kim's and Aaron Hammerstrom's pencils, and with the phenomenal showing from Kim in Issue #69 (nice), Hammerstrom has absolutely followed up.

Keeping true to his Uekawa-inspired style, his art manages to drive the intensity and motion of the high-speed scenes, while also utilizing strong character design elements and posing to really sell certain panels. He even gives us some real Henshin shit out of Sonic here.

The writing also continues to entirely slam in this issue. I think I remember Evan Stanley once talking about her reputation for writing fluffy, low-stakes, side stories, and seeking to show how well she can handle action and drama, and I'm really glad to say she totally pulls it off here. The action never feels dull or slow, and the characters all feel active and driven.

Speaking of the characters, this issue might have the strongest character writing in the entire comic, hands-down. It's been said by other IDW Sonic aficionados before, but every single character gets something to do here - something that matters to that character specifically.

We get Sonic as the Phantom Rider, which I absolutely love. I said last time that I like Sonic occasionally displaying some roguish behavior, letting the noble, heroic persona down for a bit and being the daredevil showoff the series sells him as. He spends the entire issue daring the authorities in charge of the race to do something about him, and doing everything in his power to piss Jet off. Sneering in the face of power and taunting his opponents until they're red in the face is what Sonic does!

And it's not even like he's being a total asshole here.

Like, people get to be in danger, and he still helps, but like. Even then he tries to hide that he's doing it. It's Good! This is peak Sonic!

Surge gets some interesting stuff here, chasing off the Phantom Rider and being met with unexpected praise and applause. This is a really neat angle to play for her, because she was kind of built to crave Hero Worship by Starline, and she is the way she is partly because, when she was working under Starline, every single thing she did was met exclusively with negative reinforcement - a reflection of Starline's time spent working under Eggman. It's kind of neat that Eggman's treatment of Starline continues causing him problems long after Starline's death like this.

Then there's Jet:

And Jet gets to be all pouty because, not only did the Phantom Rider steal his spotlight during the race, but now Surge is stealing the spotlight after the fact, despite the fact that he won! This seems to be setting up a budding rivalry between Surge and Jet, which was a story beat I had never considered. I'd always wanted to see what Surge would do confronted with another one of Sonic's rivals like Knuckles or Shadow, but seeing it happen with Jet, somebody with an ego to match her own, is really cool. Also they're both green. They're the only two Sonic "rivals" outside of Metal Sonic that haven't experienced some form of heel-face turn, and remain pretty explicitly bad, or at best neutral, guys. And they're greeeeeen.

Our big bad, Clutch, treats the whole thing with relative unease, but I like how calmly he approaches it. Once more, he plays this manipulative businessman villain archetype really well, keeping his cards close to his chest until he knows what he's dealing with. He also sends Mimic after the Phantom Rider, which has some really cool implications.

It's entirely possible that Mimic and Sonic are on their way toward some form of confrontation, which I said last time would be a really neat dynamic to explore since they've never really met, and neither is the kind of opponent the other typically deals with. But more than that, with Mimic being under specific orders to quietly unmask Sonic, I could see things playing out so that they learn of one anothers' identities, with neither being able to blow the other's cover for risk of blowing their own.

I could even see this breaking really bad for Sonic if he even tries to expose Duo as Mimic, as Silver tried to do that once before and was not only seemingly proven wrong, but also had the trust the other Diamond Cutters had in him entirely shattered, while their trust in Duo was only strengthened. Sonic is already putting a lot of good will on the line with his Phantom Rider antics, if he ends up falling for the same game as Silver, it's possible he could not only ruin the faith the Diamond Cutters or the Restoration have in him, but in the image he has with the world at large.

Not that I'm entirely certain he'd care, mind you. Sonic has already shown in stuff like SA2 or Black Knight that he doesn't really care if he's in trouble with authority or if not everyone sees him as a hero. He just does what he thinks is right and that's good enough for him. So who knows?

The Diamond Cutters are a little less present in this issue, mostly trying to bring down the Phantom Rider, but there is one subtle little bit of storytelling I really like here.

Lanolin, attempting to corner the Phantom Rider, knocks him into one of the course's glass tunnels, which shatters with the added weight of Clean Sweep's security crew, putting the racers inside at risk. The expression on her face and the small "no..." seem to reflect a bit of horror at realizing that her actions have directly put people in danger. A lot of folks have been hoping for Lanolin to face some kind of reckoning over her decisions as a leader, and while I really like Lanolin as a character, I think it would be interesting for this, and the eventual reveal of Duo, to really shake her faith in her skills and make her reevaluate her approach.

In addition to the Diamond Cutters themselves, we get a real quick bit with Jewel here:

Ever since Sonic and co. were disqualified from the tournament, Jewel has been trying to reach out to them to check in, but Duo, who appears to still be acting as her assistant - yikes - tells her over and over that he's tried every means of communication (which is, of course, a lie), and that he's had no luck getting in touch.

And here, we see our first little bit of someone within the Restoration having their doubts about Duo. I don't know what tipped her off - she seemed just as invested in him as anyone after the incident with Silver - but it's clear she doesn't buy everything he's saying here. She knows something's up. The question is: What will she do about it? What can she do? As Clutch pointed out last issue, she's got a lot of eyes on her. She's not an action-hero like Sonic or the Diamond Cutters. She's an organizer. But in this respect, she works as a perfect heroic foil to Clutch, who does not boast any special abilities of his own, just a diligent mind and a willingness to follow carefully laid plains with a subtle demeanor.

Lastly, we get a bit of Amy and Tails sneaking around the Restoration shuttle.

While Tails gets some nice bits here - namely a neat little nod to Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog with his dumpster diving - Amy is really the one with the best display here.

Amy has spent so much of IDW, and really a lot of recent Sonic media, being the collected one. The beacon of normalcy in a rag-tag group of child prodigies and daredevil speedsters. While she fills this role well, it also leaves her somewhat meandering for things to do in terms of character dynamics. There was a time when Amy had a hot-headed attitude to rival Sonic and Knuckles. She was a bit reactionary, and it gave her some neat character quirks.

There's a balance to be struck between these two extremes, but I think we're finally nailing it down with this arc. With Amy knowing her way around the shuttle after her time spent there during the Metal Virus, but then excitedly dragging Tails along, grimacing at his ruffling through the trash, shrieking with terror as a weird robot hand grabs onto her face, and barking in anger as she realizes whose hand it was, I get the sense that we have the real Amy here again!

Yeah, she's still "the normal one" (kinda, they've been playing up her ridiculous strength again lately as well), but she also has the spark that made her chase after Sonic on his adventures in the first place. I really like her here!

So, once again, this arc (Extreme Competition, as its been named in the TPBs) leaves me thoroughly impressed in way that I did not expect from a Sonic Riders-centric arc. This is some of the most on-brand Sonic writing with some of the most accurate art I've ever seen. It seems to me that, after all this time of IDW being good but not quite hitting the mark for a lot of fans, the series is finally hitting its stride. I remain excited to see what comes next, and hopeful that there's still lots, lots more to come after this arc wraps up.

One other thing to mention: It was revealed in the Fan Letters section at the end of the issue that there is currently an IDW Sonic crossover in the works:

Now, speculation has been rampant about what this crossover could be - TMNT, Transformers, MLP, even DBZ with the recently-announced TMNT/Naruto crossover setting a precedent for anime/manga crossovers - but I'm throwing my hopes and dreams behind what appears to be the popular theory: Godzilla.

It makes sense. Godzilla and Sonic are both properties IDW currently has the comics rights to, both owned by Japanese companies. Godzilla fits the notion of a "BIG threat" to Sonic and co., both in terms of size as well as the implication that the figure crossing over will serve some form of antagonistic role. Godzilla even works relatively well within a Sonic storyline, and Sonic is no stranger to kaiju fights. It'd be very easy to do a story about Eggman trying to awaken/control some kind of ancient, powerful creature, only to reveal that said creature is Godzilla, over whom Eggman swiftly loses control, and Sonic and friends have to find a way to stop his rampage and return him to his proper place.

Honestly, they could make it a canon story if they wanted to. Hell they should make it a canon story! I love Godzilla!! Make him canon to Sonic!!! FOR ME SPECIFICALLY.

Time will tell what the big crossover is, and where the comic will go next, and I'll be sure to be fashionably late with my review.

Till then, thanks for reading!

[batsplat]

Thank you for typing all that out!!!! I was like they had beef??? But it makes sense. I was listening to Casey on the gypsy tale podcast, he mentioned how he was envious of Marc/Vale who had no fear of the track. Makes sense that Marc - the limit of the bike is when I crash - and him would clash even if it wasn't malicious or personal.

(about this) haha no problem! and yeah for sure I don't think it's anything particularly malicious and it's not even BEEF as much as a low-level grudge, the kind of thing that naturally bubbles up when you have athletes' egos existing within a team structure. though I do think the stuff you mention (ie marc's approach to the sport) is something that never did become much of an issue between the two of them, but only because... well they weren't on-track rivals

ofc that's one of motogp's biggest 'what ifs' - what if we'd actually seen casey and marc compete - so none of this is particularly original, but, look, it's a fun one to discuss! casey's for the most part been pretty schtum about marc's actual races and various controversies, but has on occasion mentioned not necessarily being the biggest fan of marc's approach, eg (from 2013):

the "humiliate them" bit is most interesting to me - does feel a similar vibe to some of his complaints about valentino's propensity for mind games. the implications of marc wanting to humiliate opponents would be that for marc, it's not just about just wanting to win, it's about what effect he's having on rivals, about wanting to mess with them

so I - like everyone else - can only IMAGINE what it would've been like if casey had actually had to live the full marc marquez experience. it's a respectful relationship irl because it's a rivalry that never actually got to play out, so casey doesn't have any real motivation to criticise marc much beyond low stakes honda hijinks. and marc probably would have enjoyed getting the chance to race casey, but from casey's side? eh

obviously casey's issues with valentino's riding standards are pretty well-documented (as well as his issues with other rivals, including a younger jorge) (and various somewhat less significant figures, like him and his buddy in 125cc giving alex de angelis the truly terrible nickname of 'alex dangerous'. casey please). marc is relentlessly aggressive in a way casey would not have enjoyed at all, and would've also objected to on grounds of principle. the fearlessness thing you mention from that very very long podcast episode is interesting to me, because yes casey would have liked to emulate that in some ways... but he does also have his issues with riders who ride without fear to the extent that they don't care about their own safety. from his autobiography, explaining his increasing disillusionment with MotoGP:

The most fitting tribute to [Simoncelli's] memory shouldn't have been a plaque by the side of the track where he lost his life, but a real change in the way riders respect each other and respect the limits. Unfortunately, I don't feel that this happened. I have always been very aware of what can happen in this sport, which is why I have always shown respect to my fellow racers. You might not like the person next to you on the grid but you have to be aware that if an accident happens, anyone can be hurt or killed. Sometimes young riders are so desperate to win that they forget what's most important. They get built up so much that they start to believe the hype, they feel invincible. Nobody is, especially in bike racing. And if a rider doesn't care about his own safety then it stands to reason he doesn't care about anybody else's either. Don't get me wrong, MotoGP is as safe as it has ever been in terms of the gravel traps, circuit layouts and rider equipments, but the fact that certain riders were still putting others at risk even after Marco's death bothered me a lot.

which, yup, can't see casey being a fan of marc. he's got some very ironclad beliefs when it comes to riding standards and the importance of rivals respecting each other and what that looks like on track in terms of hard racing - it's just an outlook and approach that would always have clashed with marc's. (also, yeah, like casey admits, it does just scare him! laguna seca 2008 wasn't fun for him because he was worried about his safety! which is entirely understandable, but I can't imagine if that's the case he'd feel particularly comfortable or indeed safe racing marc marquez.) on marc's side, even in 2013 he was pretty good at shrugging off these kind of critiques from his rivals, including ofc from dani and especially jorge that year. so maybe it'd be mostly one-way antipathy, but probably not all that pleasant for anyone involved. livio suppo said back in 2020 that casey would've suffered a lot from marc's personality, and also in 2023 said this:

I don't really agree with suppo about 2008 and it does lean into the frustrating trope (which casey also chafed against in his autobiography) that seeks to explain all of casey's struggles and defeats by what was going on in his head. like, I do think he would've done a good job fighting marc! he would've won plenty of their duels, even when they were fighting wheel-to-wheel! he did say repeatedly after laguna seca 2008 that if something like that happened again, he wouldn't roll over for valentino (unfortunately we never really had the chance to properly test this but oh well)! he just wouldn't have enjoyed it, which is kinda why he retired in the first place

basically, they respect each other just fine because they never had the chance to fight on track. if they HAD fought on track, things would've inevitably been more fraught, not least because of their very different approaches to racing, as well as how by marc's own admission he's an asshole as a teammate. that difference in approaches is where the 'fearlessness' of marc comes in, and not in a good way for that relationship. who knows how it would have all turned out

just one more thing - marc is actually asked about the "he wants to humiliate them" quote in a presser, but unfortunately the question is formulated in a kinda messy way so marc doesn't really end up directly addressing the comments. though my guess is at least one person present understood exactly what casey was getting at:

[shmaptainwrites]

What kind of enemy to lover would be Willson and the reader?

PLS lemme claim this emoji 👀

ooo a new emoji! i’m excited hehe

okay so enemies to lovers with wilson, this one’s gotta be tough because aside from his ex wives i feel like he doesn’t have too many enemies (and even his exes he gets along decently with from what i understand) BUT i have an idea that may work with this situation

so imagine you grow up in the same community as he does and your families for one reason or another just detest each other idk why make up a reason in your head and roll with it and that gets passed on to the kids so now you and wilson are basically taught to dislike each other from a pretty young age

by the time you hit high school it’s so hardwired into your system that you both are actively looking for ways to make the other person’s life living hell and both of your guys’ parents are low key enabling you because even when you get caught or get in trouble when they hear why it doesn’t matter to them and you never get punished for it

so fast forward a little bit, you guys get a break from each other during your undergrad, he goes to mcgill, you go somewhere else, but then by chance, both end up at columbia for med school and it’s like you guys never stopped hating each other but now there’s more at stake

because of this and some incidents that almost get you both caught up in some pretty dicey situations with the dean, you both start leaning toward making your hatred an academic rivalry, trying to outcompete the other for best marks and all of the good opportunities that came along while you were in school

even though you still very much dislike each other, being in that situation and seeing the other put in a lot of effort towards school and doing well makes you guys gain some more respect for each other because i mean game recognizes game

then again some more time passes, you both do your residencies at different hospitals and get another break until one fateful day at princeton plainsboro you find out that not only had cuddy hired you as the new head of surgery (with a specialization in removal of cancerous tumours) and wilson as the head of oncology, your paths are bound to continue crossing a lot for the foreseeable future

at first that rivalry is still there and you continue to try and outcompete each other at every turn, but maybe one day when a patient you both have been working very closely with, who’s had multiple surgeries with both of you in the OR, dies in the middle of an operation it shakes you both up and as much as you want to lean away from it, wilson’s the only other person who knows exactly how you’re feeling

it’s a little awkward but you find some comfort in just having a open and honest conversation together and it sows little seeds of doubt in your minds as to why you hated each other all this time, but it’s not necessarily enough to get you to fully change your ways, it just helps you to be more civil to each other when you’re working

over time, you get more and more chances to work together and slowly those walls that were so strongly built up in both your childhoods, comes down brick by brick, until you get a chance to just kind of exist together and even be friends and go out for drinks every now and again (usually with other colleagues)

then, one night, maybe it’s during a fundraiser, cuddy asks you both to do the emceeing for the evening as you hand out prizes from a silent auction and host an actual auction to raise money for the hospital. during the preparation, you and wilson have some fun trying to script jokes and use the obligation as an excuse to spend more time together, then the night of the auction comes and you see maybe a piece of jewelry or a watch that catches your eye and go to place an amount for it, not realizing that wilson comes after you to purposely outbid you for it and when you announce that he won the jewelry/watch you’re a little disappointed because you really did like it and wanted to treat yourself (and it couldn’t be too bad if they money was going to the hospital anyways)

wilson can see your disappointment, but he has to wait until the end of the night where he brings you aside, upstairs to his office and under the soft light of the lamp, gives you the prize as a gift saying it was to make up for all the hell he put you through when you were growing up and for contributing to almost getting you both expelled from med school

you’re so touched and put the gift on immediately omg guys if it’s a necklace and he helps you? i’m dead and just look at him with a soft smile, putting your hands on each side of his shoulders before deciding instead of pulling him in for a hug like you had originally planned, you were going to take the leap and kiss him, because these past months that you’ve spent time and gotten closer have been so much fun and you’ve gotten to see the worst and the best of each other and still knowing all of that you easily have the overwhelming urge to kiss him and he’s very quick to melt into it because if you hadn’t taken the leap, he was planning on it anyways

send me your sfw RSL character x reader thoughts

→ accepting asks for james wilson, cruise, and peter müller

→ i’ve seen up to 5x12 of house — NO SPOILERS PLEASE

if anyone ever wonders why it takes me so long to post these sometimes, on average it takes me 15-25 mins to write a response because my brain apparently doesn’t work in short tidbit information…this one took me 45 minutes

[m1ckeyb3rry]

OK KIYORA NOTES!!! These are all from the game I kinda wrote them summary/LN style because the act of typing it all out in dialogue format takes me like three times the time to type out and I got lazy oops

Anyways lmk if anything’s unclear! I basically broke it down into some main themes I noticed

- Karasu anon

Breakdancing: He really likes breakdancing, both Otoya and Bachira end up asking him to teach them, to which he essentially says yes but that he doesn’t really know how to teach and kinda just tells them to try and copy his moves

Otoya interaction: Kiyora originally says he doesn’t mind teaching but questions if Otoya can keep up. After Otoya restates that he’s a ninja descendant Kiyora seems to acknowledge him more

Bachira interaction: He asks to be taught thinking that it “seems fun” to which Kiyora replied with “not just seems fun. It IS fun”, Bachira also does it wrong (aka just tries following along bachira style) but Kiyora still acknowledges his potential

Player interaction: mid training, he asks the player if it’d be ok to integrate dancing into his training regimen. Player agrees but asks why. He explains that before coming to bllk he’d always participate in dance battles and liked dancing. When the player responds saying how they know of dance battles Kiyora immediately goes “oh nice let’s have a dance battle now then” to which player has to say “I know OF them not how to actually dance…” to which he says “oh well, can’t be helped if you don’t know how”

Voiceline: …my interests? Break dancing. Lets go (dancing/dance battling)

Karasu “rivalry”: He seems to have a sort of one sided rivalry with Karasu, constantly irked by Karasu underestimating him.

Interaction: Karasu acknowledges Kiyoras vision and borderline detection, essentially praising him for surviving in blue lock but still comments on kiyoras complacency and how Kiyora can’t survive just by riding on others’ success (probably referring to the second selection team). Kiyora responds by telling Karasu not to underestimate him

Voiceline: Karasu treating me like an idiot seriously pisses me off. I’ll crush him someday.

Nagi rivalry: Another rivalry although less one sided. Pretty obviously inspired/taken by their first meeting in epinagi

Interaction: similar scenario where they both end up reserving the same practice room but they actually did reserve the same room so instead they end up “battling” each other to win the room (even though they could share, they want the stakes present to motivate the match). Kiyora continuously refers to Nagi as “tall white”/“white beanpole” and Nagi continues calling Kiyora “chibi”

Voiceline: …I have some free time now. Maybe I’ll go challenge that white beanpole to a battle.

Height and underestimation: Is very aware that he is short and doesn’t like being underestimated because of it

Voiceline: Just now, you were thinking that I’m a shrimp weren’t you? Save the excuses, square up/let’s go.

Voiceline: Crushing those who underestimate me is the best, gets me hyped

Player interaction: Player approaches Kiyora after practice saying that they wanted to adjust some of the practice regimen after observing kiyora. They say they want to try hyping him up against strong opponents and suggests he play some one on ones. Kiyora is surprised at how well the players thoughts align with his own. He accepts saying there’s no reason to turn down a strong opponent, and that most of the bllkers underestimate him because of his height, so crushing them would be like fulfilling his wishes.

Player interaction: The player complements his weapon of shitting a low trajectory shot with a tight spin and that it’s even more impressive up close. Kiyora responds by asking if it’s amazing just because he’s “a pipsqueakl. Player denies this saying they were just admiring his shooting technique and that it has nothing to do with him being short. Player asked what he’d do if that was the case, to which he says “don’t underestimate me, I’ll crush you”. The player then thinks internally that they should be careful not to be too conscious of his short height.

Misc. voicelines and etc.:

“I’m the one who decides the battles on the borderline.”

“Aight, Ai-ght, etc.” many variations of “aight”

Player interaction: Kiyora starts to have doubts about if the player is actually capable of making him number one, so he wants to see for himself if he should continue following their plans or if he should drop them. Player thinks it’s naturally since they’re a soccer noob and asks what they should do. Kiyora tells them to continue as they’ve been doing for one week. In that time, he’ll follow along and if they plan something that he acknowledges he’ll continue working with them. Kiyora says that this is their borderline. If they want to continue working with Kiyora, they need to prove it and go beyond the borderline he’s defined.

Player interaction/assessment of Kiyora: Kiyora’s grounder techniques (wtv those are) are top class within bllk. Within those skills are his passes and gameplay senses. He’s able to take advantage of the large range of the field, cutting in and passing and shooting as needed. Those are the weapons that have helped Kiyora survive. Developing his dribbling skills and the ability to move around more himself is the best option for him to improve.

He’s stated that he also got into soccer because his older brother would force him to play with him, and if he lost he’d face a punishment so that was his motivation to improve LMAO

Generally he’s quite spunky, but mainly on the basis of not wanting to be underestimated due to his height. Also has a strong sense of self and ofc has the whole borderline thing going on where he enjoys being the deciding factor of things. I’ll come back with more updates if I see more interesting voicelines LOL

THANK YOUUU i think i actually did a fairly decent job at getting him!! hehe i already finished the one shot before you posted this but in the fic he’s kinda moody emo but also kinda cutie pie?? I GOT HIS OLDER BROTHER BEING THE ONE TO GET HIM INTO SOCCER OMG so proud…also got the height thing…his borderline thing ofc…his dancing is briefly hinted at towards the end but eh good enough for me!! in the au i wrote for he’s kinda uh violent (he used to be a street fighter because his older brother got him into it for the money but then he quit because he didn’t rlly like it) but it’s not like crazy or with people that don’t deserve it so hopefully it doesn’t feel ooc?? idk we’ll see…to be honest the place i ended the one shot at is definitely one that requires a part two for any elaboration/further characterization but considering idek if the anon will like the au i just left it there and i’ll add that i’m more than happy to do a pt2 if anyone’s interested but i didn’t want to waste my time if not 😭

also wait the one sided karasu beef is so funny LMAOAOA new sibling duo unlocked ⁉️ it’s giving roderick and greg from diary of a wimpy kid somehow 😭 the way kiyora fucking hates him and karasu just does not gaf…😓 that also makes that panel in bm vs pxg where it looks like karasu is using kiyora as a chair sm worse FJSLDJSJ that was probably kiyora’s thirteenth reason omg

[katboykirby]

Drop some facts about SoloKTan immediately. (It’s the only thing that can make my day better)

-💚

OH okay ☆

Have a rough summarisation of their backstory from S1 ~

We know that Satan and Solomon canonically knew each other prior to the events of the first game (Solomon is seen to already be in casual, friendly relationships with both Satan and Leviathan during the early chapters of OG)

Once the exchange program started, and they were both introduced to MC (Kirby), the first few weeks remained mostly amicable. They both had a reciprocated/mutual interest in Kirby, but things were still relatively low-stakes at this point.

As time went on and that interest progressed into actual feelings, that's when things started getting messy. As it became more clear that there was something potentially serious here, that there was a very real possibility of an actual relationship, both Satan and Solomon started butting heads more and more often. Satan was the first to shift his view into seeing Solomon as a rival, a direct competitor for Kirby's attention. Solomon played it off as if he didn't even consider Satan to be genuine competition, but he was aware that the Avatar of Wrath had the undeniable advantage of actually living in the same house as Kirby.

On Kirby's part, they differ from the blank slate MC in the games in that Satan and Solomon are the only two love interests for them. So the canon 11-way split between suitors is reduced to only two, creating a pretty intense love triangle (since all the romantic tension in the games is now attached to the 3 of them alone with no other buffers)

To say that this stresses Kirby out is a dramatic understatement. They are an introvert who tends to avoid being the center of attention whenever possible, so suddenly having the full focus of both these men is pretty damn overwhelming.

Kirby likes both of them a lot, and at first they think that "Well, I would be happy no matter who I end up with. They figure they'd better just let Satan and Solomon bicker it out, and let one of them make the first move themselves.

This doesn't work.

Satan and Solomon are both very aware that Kirby returns their feelings, which means they're also aware that Kirby is unlikely to choose between the two of them for fear of hurting the other with rejection. They had been okay with that so far, more concerned with fighting each other for the "right" to a relationship, but they both eventually realised that if they didn't do something different, eventually one of them would probably just kill the other.

(Or, more likely, Kirby would get sick of their endless rivalry and give up on them, leaving them both behind)

The "solution" that Satan and Solomon eventually logic themselves into, after things have been continuing to escalate without any foreseeable resolution, is to just do it the demon way.

"As the saying goes, when in the Devildom, do as the devils do" is how Solomon explained it. When Kirby didn't understand what he meant, Satan espouses that "it's not entirely uncommon for more than one demon to be courting a potential mate at the same time. If it's agreeable to you, we'd both like to court you until you decide on a partner between the two of us"

"You mean. Date both of you. At the same time? Like, sharing?"

"Yes, we determined that was the fairest way"

"Until you make a decision on who you'd like to have as a partner"

Kirby obviously thought that this sounded like a disaster waiting to happen. "And what if I don't make a decision?"

"Don't worry, you will" Satan had already assured himself of his future victory.

"And no hard feelings when they choose me, right Satan?" Solomon was probably even more confident than his rival.

"Sure. Fine. Just remember that you guys chose this"

Art by @shootingstarrfish

[separatist-apologist]

Still A Sunbeam

Summary: As a child, Elain Archeron is pushed into a pond by the heir to the Day Courts throne, Lucien Spell-Cleaver, and vows she'll never forgive him for it. But as an adult, Elain finds that if she wants out of an arranged marriage to a Spring Court prince, she will need Day Court's help. More is at stake than a decades-old rivalry, and when their home is threatened, Elain and Lucien will have to set aside old differences and work together

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Read on AO3

“Lucien,” Elain whispered, trying—and failing—to escape the hold he had on her body. “Lucien, we’re going to be late.”

Behind her, Lucien buried his face in her tangled hair, grunting a response that sounded suspiciously like “ten more minutes.”

He’d been saying that for a good hour now. They would be late, and she didn’t think the prince or his father would appreciate knowing Elain didn’t try harder to push him out of bed. And she wanted to, though in a much more real sense, Elain wanted to twist in Lucien’s arms and press her mouth to his.

And whatever happened after, well…

But they had actual responsibilities and when Elain truly thought about it, she knew she didn’t want to be just another conquest for Lucien. Someone he fooled around with when he was bored only to forget when there were more interesting people around. Elain liked him, which made laying beside him dangerous.

If he’d made a move, she would have given in and thoroughly embarrassed herself. For the rest of her life, Lucien would know how easy it was to get her beneath him and Elain didn’t think she could stand the humiliation. She was still committed to her first time meaning something—with someone who cared about her.

Even if it was never more than a time limited thing, even if they didn’t end up together for eternity which seemed a very likely possibility just given who Lucien was and what she’d seen since she’d joined his court. Elain wanted to look back on that first time and know he’d cared about her—loved her, even if it wasn’t forever.

She didn’t think Lucien did, though she did think he could. With enough time, perhaps. Lucien slung a heavy, muscular thigh over her hip, dragging her closer.

“You smell good,” he whispered, his voice thick with sleep. “When did you crawl into my bed?”

“You don’t remember?” Elain replied, waiting for him to wake. “The things you did to me last night, I…Lucien, when you asked me to marry you I thought you were crazy but then—”

“What?” he asked, raising his head just enough to blink down at her. The long, thick strands of his auburn hair tickled his cheek though it was the panicked look on his handsome face that made Elain smile. “What did we do?”

“Of course you’d ask that,” she replied with an eye roll, shoving herself out of his grasp. “You violated the pillow barrier we made.”

Lucien shrugged his broad, naked shoulders, flopping back to the mattress while Elain shimmied out of bed. The pillows they’d laid between them the night before were shoved to the very edge of the bed along with the bunched sheet clinging to the bed for dear life. It was too hot to be under so many blankets.

Hotter, still, to be trapped beneath Lucien’s heavy body. Sliding a hand behind his head, Lucien tracked her every movement with a lazy smile. “Did you sleep well?”

“You’re so smug for a man who got nothing but my hair in his mouth,” Elain snapped, irritated with him. “And you need to get dressed.”

“Ladies first,” was his infuriating reply. Elain gathered up her clothes—a gown of turquoise blue that might have been the most scandalous things she’d ever draped over her body. A tight bodice with pearl straps for sleeves cut so low and pressed so tightly that her breasts all but heaved toward the heavens. The back dipped toward her hips, leaving her spine utterly exposed. The material itself sparkled in the sun, glittering like little diamonds and was thin enough that a light breeze would send the fabric flying toward her knees. 

Elain placed little pearls in her ears to match the straps, and twisted half her hair off her face with matching silver and pearl combs shaped like seashells. Arina had shown Elain how to do her make up in a way that was subtle, while enhancing all her best features which sucked up a good deal of her time.

Elain emerged to find Lucien standing in front of a mirror, frowning while staring down at the rather plain white, sleeveless shirt he’d pulled over his body. In his hands he held two vests—one gold, one the same shade of turquoise she wore. It was selfish, but Elain went to him and said, “Definitely the blue.”

Lucien looked first in the mirror before blinking rapidly. He twisted as though he needed to look at her in person. Elain swallowed, hands clammy at her sides. Do you like it? Is it too much? 

For a moment, he said nothing at all. Finally, Lucien cleared his throat, blinked one final time, and said, “Yeah. Blue would be good.”

He shrugged it only, quickly slipping the buttons through their respective holes, and then turned again. He still wore his gold rings, still had the little accented metal pieces in the braids that curved along his head over his ear. The rest of his hair fell down his back in glossy, auburn waves she wanted to touch. 

Of course she didn’t. Even when Lucien offered her his arm Elain merely kept her hands at her side. She was afraid if she touched him, she might not stop. It was easier to admire him from a distance—to drink in that coiled gold armband around his strong, muscled bicep and the sandals peeking from his flowing pants. 

Elain could hear his heartbeat thudding in her ears while they walked. Could he hear hers? Surely he must have given how erratic it was banging against her ribcage. Lucien gave no indication of it, leading her through the sunny halls toward the entrance.

“Where is this meeting being held?” Elain asked when Lucien reached unbidden for her hand.

His grin didn’t meet his eyes. In fact, he looked almost pained as he stared out not toward the city sprawled at the bottom of the hill, but the water they’d been swimming in the day before. 

“I told you. We’re going to the—to the barge.”

The pleasure barge.

“For a meeting?” she gaped. She knew they were supposed to go after and was prepared for an hour or two of mingling politely before making her excuses. But the whole day? Lucien chuckled.

“Yes, Elain. Business and pleasure intertwined. I’m going to winnow us now—do not hit me.”

“No promises,” she grumbled, though she squeezed his hand in return before they vanished into nothing. Lucien deposited her on the deck of a rather larger barge overlooking the city they’d just left. The palace glittered like a jewel in the early morning sun, casting a rainbow of light over the surrounding water and the city of Adriata. 

“Lucien Spell-Cleaver,” Tarquin, Prince of Adriata and the strongest contender for the throne, strode toward them with an easy, handsome grin. He wore a similar white and turquoise vest to Lucien, though he’d skipped the shirt, leaving his toned chest gleaming beneath the hot sun. Elain tried—and failed—not to admire him, but Tarquin was handsome. Much like Lucien, he exuded power in his powerful frame and judging from the gazes more than a few females and males shot him as he came toward them, they agreed.

Tarquin brushed a loc of white hair from his shoulder. Blue eyes crinkled at the edges as he clapped Lucien on the shoulder, speaking like old friends. Elain supposed they were old friends. Tarquin wasn’t much older than Lucien, and a prince, too. Why shouldn’t they be friends?

She wasn’t listening to them speak, too caught up in the silver earring throwing iridescent light over the wood deck.

Lucien elbowed her in the ribs, drawing her back to the present. Tarquin’s straight, gleaming smile caught her off guard. “See something you like, Elain Archeron?” 

Beside her, Lucien had become very still. This was a test and she knew it. Could she do this job, or was she just play-acting under Lucien’s careful supervision.

“I suppose you’ll find out, won’t you?” she replied coyly. “We’ll see how these talks go.”

“I can’t decide if you’re trying to bribe me or not,” Tarquin said with a delighted laugh. Beside her, Lucien may as well have been made of stone. 

“Find out,” she offered smoothly. It was all in good fun. Elain knew very well from Feyre’s stories that Tarquin wasn’t interested in any one person and had declared so publicly. A night might be fun if she had that experience and was the sort that could indulge so casually. But Elain was beginning to think she was not the sort, and that she needed all her encounters to mean something, even if they didn’t last forever.

And privately, some part of her was hoping it would be Lucien. That was foolish and she knew it, and yet sometimes Elain thought he didn’t hate her at all. That he returned her feelings, whatever they were, and might even agree to something. She couldn’t stop thinking about his admission that he was thinking about her, couldn’t stop thinking about they’d come back up from the beach, sunburned and laughing and casually touching.

The problem was Elain didn’t know how to bridge the gap. How did she ask him for what she wanted in a way that didn’t make her sound unreasonable? Because she knew she couldn’t share him, that it would break her into a thousand pieces to know he moved through his usual females at court and she was merely one of many. 

And she knew beyond just having him, that Killian was still waiting for the year to end. Lucien very likely didn’t want to entangle himself in her messy life. Not when a fight could destroy careful inter-court politics for decades. So Elain smiled at Tarquin like she might be interested, knowing full well the male before her likely smiled at her the exact same way, and returned to not paying attention to Lucien and Tarquin’s easy banter. 

There were, as Elain learned, rooms on the barge. Bedrooms, if Tarquin’s laughter was to be believed, but also large meeting rooms beneath the waves, cooled with some magic Elain was grateful for. Ronan, from the night before, was there, along with Dominic who was the person they were charged with swaying. Elain knew he wasn’t directly related to the royal family like Tarquin was, but merely a trusted advisor to the family. Tarquin would oversee Adriata entirely when he turned a century old. Until then, Dominic oversaw his instruction.

“So,” Dominic said, looking at the pair of them through rich, brown eyes. His hair was at least as long as Tarquins and braided in long rows off his face. He might have been as old as her father—maybe older, even, from the soft gray peppering his temples. Still handsome, she thought. “Saffron.”

“Saffron,” Lucien agreed, reclining back in his chair. “Wholesale, without markup.”

“Awfully generous,” Rowan agreed, leaning forward on his elbows. It was a strange push-pull. Summer seemed eager while Lucien seemed nonchalant. 

“I wouldn’t say that,” Elain began smoothly. She didn’t dare look at Lucien, though she swore she felt his approval humming in her chest. All three Summer court males sharpened while Lucien only seemed looser. Relaxed. “Your import taxes are high.”

“Day can go around,” Dominic said with a flick of his fingers. “Just like Night does.”

Lucien smiled, glancing at Elain. He was going to let her keep going if she wanted–he wanted her to. Elain didn’t kno what to do with his confidence, but she did know she wanted to kiss him for it. 

“And I suppose Summer can find some other spice they like half as well,” Elain replied with a shrug. “It’s costly to harvest, especially in a drought.”

And just like that, things shifted. Lucien didn’t smile any more than he already was, but his gaze sharpened. Elain enjoyed being more than just a spectator. Just as Lucien promised, they inked that deal before the evening truly begun, wasting large quantities of time quibbling over the exact rates, down to the literal dime. Lucien was far better at smoothly lowering things in small percents, until he eventually got what he wanted.

She understood why Helion had sent him and why Lucien was his emissary. In the end, Lucien got everything he wanted while making it seem as if the opposite were true. Though, Elain thought the deal was more than fair.

“A drink?” Dominic asked them both, eyes on the ceiling above them. “Just be careful—someone probably spiked at least half the cups.”

“If you see anything that looks too purple,” Ronan added with a laugh while Tarquin murmured a I know what I’ll be drinking. Elain didn’t get a chance to ask what had been slipped in the cups. Lucien slung a heavy arm over her shoulder and led her out, smiling like he’d just won something.

“You were…you were perfect back there.”

His praise warmed her. “You think so?”

“Yes,” he agreed, brushing strands of hair from his hand. They curled around his lazy fingers before he dropped them, his eyes burning with some strange emotion she didn’t recognize.

“Incredible, even. Now you can’t leave when your year is up. I refuse to hand you over to you on my enemies.”

“No one is your enemy, Lucien,” she retorted.

“You’d be surprised,” he replied, pulling away as Tarquin demanded his attention. It left Elain to walk the length of the barge, lost to the dusky sky and the rapidly cooling air. Everything felt good to her now knowing Lucien thought she was capable. That he wanted to keep her.

She swiped a cup from a nearby table, bringing the fruity wine to her lips. Elain made her way to the railing, draining her cup quickly as she stared out at the sunset. Maybe this was the right time to just tell him her feelings had shifted. Drumming her fingers against the polished surface, Elain felt bolstered.

Nothing could go wrong. She should tell him. She should march right up to him and just…just kiss him. Desire slid through her, filling her with warmth. Yes, she decided as she turned. She could see him walking back the way they’d come, heading toward that meeting room. She’d kiss him, and he’d kiss her back, and confess his feelings, and— “Lucien!” He didn’t hear her over the music. Gathering her skirts in her hands, Elain could think of nothing but his hands against her skin, of his mouth against her own. Of Lucien doing everything Killian had done, but better—but more. 

She caught him just at the bottom of the stairs. “Lucien,” she said again, marveling that she didn’t feel fear at all.

Only desire. 

He raised his brows. “I’ll be right back,” he said, but Elain didn’t care. They were alone. She surged upwards.

And without another thought, kissed him firmly on the mouth. 

Lucien:

For one moment, Elain’s mouth against his own was pure, undiluted bliss. Lucien pressed her against the wall, tangling his fingers in her hair so he could deepen the kiss. Her mouth was sweet, her tongue sweeping against his own. Elain ground herself against him, the scent of her arousal lodging itself inside his nose.

“Elain—” She didn’t let him speak, which was just as well given Lucien didn’t know what he’d been about to say. With one arm braced against the wall of the barge, Lucien reached for her face.

And Elain reached for his pants. The sickly sweetness of her mouth was familiar, but it was her frantic fingers that caused Lucien to pull back so he could look at her. This wasn’t like her—he knew she was unpracticed and inexperienced. Was she really going to let him take her on a pleasure barge off the coast of Summer Court, in a hall anyone could walk down? She didn’t want it to mean anything? 

And her mouth…lips stained a deep aubergine made Lucien’s stomach flip. “Elain,” he said when she reached for him again. Her pupils were blown out, eyes big and wide, cheeks flushed…

“Elain, what did you drink?”

But he knew. “Wine,” she said breathlessly. Lucien had to look up at the ceiling to keep himself from falling apart. This was wrong. Her drink had been laced with an aphrodisiac and she likely had no idea. For one miserable second, Lucien mourned the loss of what was happening—this was exactly what he’d wanted. Elain, warm and pliant and willing, trying to take his pants off because she needed him so badly.

“Not like this,” he whispered, well aware she wouldn’t understand in the moment. When had he become the good guy?

Somewhere else?” she asked him, pressing her chest against his own.

“Yes,” he lied, knowing it was the only way to get her out of here. If anyone else found her, she was likely to throw herself at them, too, and who knew if they’d uphold her same honor. Lucien needed to lock her up somewhere and track down Tarquin to see if there was an antidote or, if not, a sedative he could give her so she could sleep this off without embarrassing herself any further.

She was going to be furious with him in the morning. Lucien would have to plead for her forgiveness over that kiss. He hadn’t known, would never have reciprocated if he’d thought she was under the influence. He’d been so fucking excited but of course…of course this was the only reason she wanted him.

She’d have kissed anyone like she’d kissed him if they’d been standing in front of her when the effects washed over her. A small sip was enough to turn a male into a creature of base instinct and little more. How much had she drunk? 

“Here,” he said, pulling open a door far below deck. Inside was a bed that smelled over other males—Lucien couldn’t stop the snarl that erupted from him, though he leashed his temper enough to lead her inside.

Elain reached for the strap of her dress and Lucien turned, slamming the door roughly before he could watch her undress. 

“Lucien?” she called. He turned the lock loud enough she heard, forehead pressed to the wood. Lucien! Open the door! Lucien, open the door right now or I’ll—!”

“You’ll thank me for this in the morning,” he replied, curling his hands into fists. Lucien’s whole body was hard, unaware he couldn’t just go in there and take her like instinct was driving him to. He felt insane, pulled toward her even as he walked away. The urge to guard her like a snapping animal nearly overwhelmed him, and by the time Lucien was back on deck, surrounded by Summer courtiers drinking and laughing and dancing, Lucien was ready to start a fight.

He found Tarquin leaned up against the rail, looking out at the water while several nearby females giggled loudly for the prince's attention.

“I need you,” Lucien hissed under his breath. He didn’t want anyone else to know what was going on with Elain downstairs. Tarquin glanced over.

“I’m flattered,” he began, earning an eye roll from Lucien.

“That fucking wine,” Lucien interrupted before Tarquin could decline his advances—of which there were none. “How do you mitigate the effects?”

“By fucking,” Tarquin said frankly.

Lucien snarled loud enough Tarquin took a step away from him, palms raised in defense. What the fuck was wrong with him? Tarquin seemed to be asking himself the same question.

“A sedative, then,” Lucien demanded, chest rising and falling rapidly. Tarquin wasn’t a threat no matter how Elain had smiled. Tarquin was his friend—he’d help. Lucien was merely over-tired, that’s all. Too tired, too stressed to make a rational decision, combined with the scent of Elain’s need still lingering in his nose.

A primal part of him demanded he go do something about it. 

“What happened?”

“Elain,” he said, hating how desperation colored his tone. “It’s Elain.”

And there was nothing else he needed to say to Tarquin to make the prince understand. Blue eyes swam with sympathy.

“Where is she?” 

“Downstairs. I’ve locked her in, but…” But someone was going to wander down eventually. Someone would hear her asking to be let out, would be her savior if they did. 

“Go,” Tarquin said, filling Lucien with relief. “I’ll meet you there. I need to go ashore.”

“Quickly,” Lucien urged, turning his back even as he said it. He was back outside her door—now silent—before he’d taken all of five breaths. Pressing his back to the wood, Lucien closed his eyes and sank to the cool, swaying floor. 

“Lucien?” 

“I’m here,” he said, listening to the frantic pound of her heart.

“What’s happening to me?” she asked, words laced with fear. “I can’t…I…” She sounded like she wanted to cry. Lucien did, too, if only because her fear had mingled with her arousal. He couldn’t control his own body, reacting as though there was danger lurking that he needed to protect her from.

Unaware the only danger was him—that his resolve would break, that he’d open that door and take her when he knew he shouldn’t. 

“I’m getting a sedative,” he told her, twisting so his cheek was pressed to the door. “You’ll drink it and fall asleep, and when you wake up we’ll both pretend this never happened.”

There was a pause, and then, “You don’t want me?”

The wine, that’s just the wine talking, she doesn’t want you, she’ll hate you—

“If you wake up in the morning and you still…” Lucien gritted his teeth. “Yes, Elain. I want you so bad I can’t think straight. But not like this. Not when you don’t–”

“I want you,” she insisted, unaware it was the wine that made her want him. 

“Tell me that in the morning,” was all he could say. He’d take her back to the Sun Palace and spend the rest of the week making slow, passionate love to her. 

The effort it took to ignore her soft pleading and just wait took a toll on Lucien. By the time Tarquin arrived, holding a golden goblet in his hand, Lucien was wrung out and exhausted. His body ached from the hard floor beneath him and how much he wanted to just give in.

“Good luck,” Tarquin offered, not daring to come too close. That was smart—the hackles on Lucien’s neck raised at the mere sight of him. Waiting until the prince vanished settled him, though he dreaded unlocking that door. Was it better to surprise her or to warn her? Lucien settled on surprise, thinking she might try and tempt him into bed and he was hanging by a fraying thread already.

Mercifully, Elain was still dressed, pacing back and forth like a wild animal. Narrowed, angry eyes greeted him when he slipped inside, closing the door behind him. Lucien was too paranoid that another male was going to try and get in, that he’d have to fight to the death to keep her safe. To keep her his. 

“Lucien—”

“Drink this,” he said, thrusting the cup between them. “Drink it, and I’m yours.”

“Swear,” she whispered, as if Lucien hadn’t been hers from the moment he’d first seen her. Even if he’d been too young, too stupid to know, he knew it now. Whatever was happening, whatever magic had wound its way between them made it impossible for him to think otherwise. There was no going back, no giving her up. 

“I swear,” he whispered, daring the smallest step toward her. “I’ve always been only yours.”

She held his gaze, fingers cupping his own as though to gauge the truth in his statement. 

“Drink it,” he urged. He was going to snap if he had to spend another minute in the too small room, suffocating in the scent of her needy, unmet arousal. “Princess, please.”

She brought the cup to her lips, a question in those fawn brown eyes. “Princess?”

“Yes,” he agreed, wondering what his parents would say when he told them. “Of my home, my court—my princess, Elain. Drink.”

And she did, pacified at last, having wrung the truth from his hateful lips. She’d remember all this, and perhaps would feel more charitably toward him knowing how utterly ruined he was. How he wanted to get on his knees and prostrate himself before her.

Elain drank all of the clear liquid, eyes hooded with each new gulp. The cup tumbled from her hands as she slumped forward, caught in Lucien’s waiting arms.

“Good girl,” he whispered into her hair. “You’re going to sleep and when you wake up, there will be nothing to apologize for.”

“Why…?” she slurred out a question he couldn’t answer, not when the lids of her eyes fluttered shut, taking the scent of her arousal with it. 

Thank the fucking cauldron for that, he thought with relief. No one stopped the pair of them when Lucien brought her above deck, skin warmed by the fading sunlight on the horizon. It would be a night of partying—one he still needed to be part of, if only as a show of good faith. Lucien made Elain’s apologies as people saw her curled up in his arms. Too much to drink, he said with an easy smile. That wasn’t wholly untrue, and from the amused smile on Tarquin’s face, he knew the prince of Adriata wouldn’t tell. 

He winnowed back to shore, his sense returning with every easy step. Back to the room they shared, and the bed he’d woken in just that morning. Lucien left her beneath the sheets, her hair obscuring her face, and locked the door from the outside once again. She could get out if she wanted, though he doubted she would wake before he returned. More importantly, his own scent coated the sheets, the air, her skin—any male who came in would be warned away by Lucien’s invisible presence. That soothed him. 

He was back on the barge, swaggering about like both his heart and his mind were in that bed with Elain. 

“Dominic will be wanting to talk to you,” Tarquin’s voice cut through Lucien’s longing. “Congratulate you, since Elain is gone.”

“Was he hoping to congratulate her?” Lucien demanded, his words more ferocious than he’d meant. Tarquin only smiled, leaning against the rail shoulder to shoulder with Lucien.

“I think a lot of males were. They won’t be anymore—not with you snapping your teeth every time they look her way.”

“Good.” Though, that did little to ease the knot in Lucien’s chest. Tarquin glanced sidelong at Lucien, suppressing a smile.

“How long?”

“Excuse me?” Lucien asked, twisting to face the prince. “How long what?”

“How long ago did the bond snap for you? It seems new. And…” he bit the inside of his cheek, unaware of how Lucien had begun to spiral. “I assume she doesn’t know?”

“Bond?”

Tarquin’s nose flared. “Is it recent?”

Mating bond. Tarquin was asking Lucien when his mating bond had snapped. With Elain—a mating bond, a—- “I don’t think…there’s no bond, I—”

Tarquin threw his head back and laughed. “No, of course not. This is just perfectly rational behavior for you, then? Do you so jealously guard all the females at court?”

No. Never. Never. 

“It hasn’t…there was no snap—”

“Maybe I’m wrong, then,” Tarquin said, pushing off the rail. But the unspoken words just beneath ran a river through Lucien. Probably not, though. 

Heart thudding, Lucien’s eyes drifted toward the shore and the towering castle looming in the distance.

Mate.

Was Elain Archeron truly his mate?

[helluvabinge]

If HB fans think the show is a comedy, why are they taking it so seriously, asks the OP before reblogging examples of

A joke about M&M and Loona falling into a sibling rivalry relationship

A joke about striker and Moxie’s dad being brothers

A joke about Via cockblocking Stolitz

Not quite a joke, but an observational aside about the irony of saying you identify completely with a character, but hate someone they look up to.

But OK. The examples weren’t great, but you COULD find some great examples of in-depth analysis of different characters. That is plenty common in this fandom.

The problem is actually not that fans don’t do that, but that you are completely misunderstanding what they mean when they roll their eyes at the antis and say, “it’s a comedy!”

Comedy can have very serious topics, but they ALSO exaggerate certain things for a punchline. The reason people are telling people to relax is because they’re taking things that were clearly exaggerated for the joke and acting like that’s bad comedy when it’s the literal playbook for writing comedy.

And yes, you can have serious moments in a show and have it still be a comedy. One of my favorite sitcoms from the 90’s was a show about a man with an alcoholic abusive dad, a schizophrenic mother, and an adopted daughter who had been sexually assaulted as a child. There was heavy shit in that show. And though a lot of things in the show haven’t aged well (as is the case with many things from the 90’s…) the way they balanced the seriousness of those topics with the humor was actually really good. The key is tonal shifts, which HB also does well.

Take, for example, the last episode. Blitzo comes out of the hospital with Loona in a cone of shame. He has had a hell of a day and immediately gets trampled. Twice. It is funny until Blitzo see Stolas’s tail and then all of the sudden the tone shifts and suddenly we understand it’s serious. The characters stop joking and for a moment we understand that something important is being conveyed.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that HB doesn’t always balance conflicting tones perfectly. Sometimes they do a great job. Sometimes not so much. Again, going back to the last episode, cutting between the two fight scenes didn’t balance as well as it could have. The stakes were too high in one and too low in the other. Now, someone might disagree with me, but no one’s going to be annoyed by that opinion because it’s a valid criticism.

On the other hand, people who look at the exaggerated comedic moments and fail to differentiate those between the serious beats of the show actually do seem really annoying. It’s not because we disagree with them. It’s because they’re apparently failing to grasp how literally all comedy works OR it’s just a bad faith argument. If we want to have more faith in their intelligence than the first option implies, that only leaves us with the very annoying option 2.

Whenever people criticize or question Helluva Boss, the fanbase usually uses one major argument to that criticism. Those being "It's a silly demon show that isn't supposed to be taken seriously", "You're thinking about it way too much just enjoy the show", or a statement as simple as "It's a comedy show". But at the same time you have theories or takes like this.

And this

And this

AND this

None of those takes are being ignored or brushed aside even though they're analyzing the characters, their relationships with one another, their personalities, their stories, and their development. Essentially doing the same thing critics are doing. But whenever one person criticizes or questions Helluva Boss, the critics usually get this response.

It seems Helluva Boss fans don't mind people being analytical of Helluva Boss only when it's complimenting its storytelling. But we all know Helluva Boss has shitty storytelling.

[carmenlire]

aaa happy new year!! 💖 and i was thinking about jangchu for the new year too the brainrot is just too real sdkfj but i totally agree with your point. what i loved about se was that it was more of a rivalry than a typical bullying relationship that most shows do. jaeyoung was like 'im going to annoy you with my presence' rather than aim to humiliate sangwoo (except for the marker scene and even jaeyoung thought he went a bit too far). he was thrilled that sangwoo was going against him (1/2)

+ and became more curious on how sangwoo functions. if sangwoo was the type of person to apologize when jaeyoung confronted him, i think jaeyoung wouldve lost interest because like you said there isn't a challenge!! he would've let it go and went on with his life but sangwoo stood up to him and sparked jaeyoung's interest :') i think a huge part of their relationship is getting to learn more about each other.. and they learn a lot even when theyve grown old together it's so sweet 🥺 -se anon (2/2)

hello dear!! Happy New Year! I hope you had a lovely weekend and that the start of 2023 has been good to you!

and yes!! you get it!! It was a rivalry but what i love is that this is such a low stakes/angst show and i would argue even the rivalry is half-assed. i mean it's literally just 8 episodes of jaeyoung annoying sangwoo and sangwoo realizing he likes it and wants more of it lmao. their rivalry is rather short lived-- once they start the game and start getting to know each other, it very quickly just becomes these two guys who admire and respect each other (professionally for now, at first) and grows from there.

(I think this might've gotten a bit long for mobile so here's a read more lol)

i love the enemies to lovers here especially because it is so light! and you're so right pointing out that the one time jaeyoung does reach a bit beyond what he should, he acknowledges, or at least the viewer sees, that he knows that was a bit too much and from there on out it's very mild and we know confidently that jaeyoung is into sangwoo-- in a healthy way, not a manipulative jerk way.

and yes!! even jaeyoung says at first that he just wants an apology. and he probably would have gotten one from literally anyone else but sangwoo. so the fact that sangwoo is 100% convinced that he was in the right and is so obvious about sparked!!! jaeyoung's interest!! and from there it becomes "oh wow this dude is different.... tell me more" and we see that while jaeyoung's love language is lowkey just annoying the object of his affections, he's very smart (!!!) and so he engages sangwoo to 1) yeah see that spark in his eye and get a reaction and have sangwoo's attention but also 2) to learn what makes sangwoo tick.

Both Sangwoo and Jaeyoung are people who need a challenge and they find that in each other. they both have to learn to work around and with each other but it's a labor of love because they want to-- so yes, i totally KNOW that their entire lives are spent always learning about each other and even after years, that spark and curiosity is still there because 1) people are constantly evolving and 2) there's always something new to learn 3) their attraction to each other is a live thing that they both feed into.

it's seriously so sweet and i'm so happy that you saw my little new year's ramble about these two and agreed/added your own thoughts!! i really do love the show but half the fun of semantic error is just the sheer possibilities of these characters. i just find them endlessly fascinating and have a grand time thinking about them. because on the surface they fit their archetypes! but the actors? the content? just gives them so much meaning and complexity and i can't get enough!

[weebsinstash]

GUZMA ENJOYER BARK BARK BARK I KNEW YOU HAD GOOD TASTE

God right 😳 everyone was so horny for him for a few years and I kinda missed writing/riding on that bandwagon but I always wanted to? Hes one of the few pokemon characters that stuck with me besides like, N and Steven Stone and Wally

I always kinda wanted to write him and Reader meeting when some Skull grunts basically try to rob you and you, in a very unimpressed way, just completely mop the floor with them, and then their boss comes to the rescue, and you absolutely sweep his ass too because these dumbass punks decided to try and rob people at the fucking airport, where you're still carrying your fully trained Pokemon team from the region you just left for this one

And I imagine Reader is just kinda like, delightfully pleased by the mischievous but ultimately not dangerous antics of Team Skull? He'll, you can remember plenty of times you wanted to act out, but as you began to become known as this worldwide Pokémon champion, you had all those eyes on you, ya know? All that pressure.... maybe some months in Alola will be a nice vacation for you, right? Until you decide your next move

Can you imagine, being on those islands for weeks, months, maybe even a year or two, having this rivalry slash friendship with Guzma where you'll publicly battle him to stop being a dick but you'll still grab drinks and some laughs with him and his crew later, gaining this kind of mutual understanding of each other, sharing all these deep conversations about your dreams or what you wanted to do as kids or maybe sharing sympathy for miserable childhoods, and then... one day... you just start talking about leaving Alola. 'you never stay in one place for too long' you say and 'there's a new region to explore' you say and 'I wanna catch all the new pokemon' you say

And Guzma instantly feels. absolutely BETRAYED. ANGRY. He confided all these feelings in you and shared all this time with you and you're going to fucking leave? Like he's nothing? Like you didn't just spend all this time together, sharing some real personal, maybe even intimate moments? And you want to leave him? What is this to you, playing with his heart like this? a game? Like you can just start a new one and pack up and leave him behind?

Anyways I just think it might be fun to write something where everything seems like low stakes fun and games and having fun on the island wooo! but then the second you start bringing up leaving he basically becomes an entirely different person and you don't realize it until it's too late 😔 sucks for you that he kind of has an entire abandoned town that no one fucking goes in where he could potentially hypothetically like, hide you away where you can't leave and can't be reached or anything

Also I wish he wasn't like a bug guy because like.... someone making you/watching you get fucked by their Pokemon is pretty tasty depending on context 🤔

[dontcallmecarrie]

Replying to @kine-iende​ [hope this works and you see it, still trying to get the hang of how tags work] who said:

Thank you, author-person, for this incredible detailed answer. (Also i don't mind being tagged - or not) With Tony being so aware of the dynamic between those rivals, Justin ending as a villian is less going a betrayal from almost-family and more of a 'natural phenomen' he should have seen coming. Because as always:rivals ^^

.

To be completely honest, if this AU were a tv show the ‘Justin Hammer accidentally founded Cabal’ reveal would’ve been the huge plot twist revealed at the end of either Season 2 or 3, and it’d be a major shocker for the Avengers...but not Tony.

also just realized I somehow made an AU where the protagonist basically becomes a villain out of Spite™ and I’m not sure if that’s the weakest origin story ever, or what

After all, if this were a tv show, it’d be centered around the Avengers, and the main season one conflict would be in seeing how Tony fits in the team— which would get resolved eventually, but not before the audience gets a good look at their dynamics. Like, the chemistry between Iron Man and Captain America, how easily and seamlessly they work together without needing more than a word or two because they’re on the same page, or Tony’s cordial yet distant academic respect for Bruce [which gets contrasted with Iron Man’s uncharacteristic instant bromance with the Hulk], or... well, the list goes on.

Not to mention that having a common enemy alters their dynamic as time goes on, because while if this’d been a one-off things would’ve still been rocky between Tony and the team, whereas having to constantly coordinate because new intel indicates that their last enemy was actually connected to something bigger and that means even more teamwork...

So by this point they’ve got a good idea of their characters, how they roll, how they react under pressure and during downtime and throughout all this, Justin Hammer would make cameos because he’s SHIELD’s main weapons supplier [...among other groups, which in and of itself foreshadows some of his shadier connections later on] and between him and Tony, they’ve basically cornered the market on experts in that field— which comes in handy when we’re talking about alien tech. 

Justin wouldn’t get much screentime compared to the others, but enough for the Avengers [and the audience] to see he makes for a very good foil for Tony, with their differences being highlighted all the more due to the similarities. After all, both come across as good people: Tony’s very friendly to anyone who isn’t on his shit list, and Justin acts very polite and gentlemanly to strangers [and is 100% a mom friend to anyone he cares about]. Tony’s a hero, though, while Justin’s long since made it clear he was a businessman first and foremost.

Through all this, Justin and Tony’s dynamic is intentionally kept vague— one moment they’re perfectly friendly, the next they'll be at each others’ throats and, again, sometimes can get misinterpreted as something else. 

Then the Reveal happens, and suddenly all those past encounters and hints come up and it’s so obvious in retrospect but—

Who would’ve expected it?

Tony. 

Tony’s the only one who’s not surprised by what the latest intel’s hinting at, obtained from an intel broker who turned up dead not long after [...because said broker’d also been messing with HYDRA, but that’s the plot twist that comes up in the next season]: nothing specific, nothing concrete, but something that ties a good chunk of the previous Villains Of The Week together to reveal a far, far greater threat. 

The Cabal, and while some of its members have long since become familiar names— e.g. the Fantastic Four normally are the ones who have to deal with Victor Von Doom, but not always— its founder had been a mystery for the longest time. A mystery that has just been ended, except nobody could have expected to see the name on the file.

Everyone else’s caught flat-footed and going through several permutations of ‘oh shit’, meanwhile Tony just leans back, scrubs a hand down his face, and looks out the window with a low whistle.

“Well played, Justin. Well played.”

.

Which is when the audience learns more about their very strange dynamic, which gets revealed to have started out a rivalry during their childhood [and has now basically escalated to the most high-stakes game of chicken there ever was, but shh].

Here’s the thing: if Tony were to call their rivalry off, Justin would stop.

But...

Tony can count on one hand how many positive constants he’s had in his life: Jarvis’ [and, after his heart attack, JARVIS’] presence, and his rivalry. Those are the two things that’ve been there for him through thick and thin, the only two safe places where he knows where they stand, knows they won’t try and tear him down and that means something. 

JARVIS will never leave him [not this Jarvis, at least], but... this rivalry’s been a thing since before he met Rhodey, since before his parents died and Tony’s not entirely certain just how much it’s shaped him, but he can count on one hand how many people give a damn about him and want to see him succeed and— 

Tony’s not sure he has it in him to call it off. Not at this point. 

Not when part of him knows why he did it, because— well, every superhero needs an adversary, don’t they? For a moment, he’d been surprised Justin had the guts to do this, but it makes complete sense the more he thinks about it and Tony knows just how little respect Justin has for the others, of course he’d be the type of guy who’d go “ugh, fine, if you want something done right, gotta do it yourself”. 

.

also, before this all seems very one-sided, I think I forgot to mention that Justin’s really benefiting from this rivalry too— not as obvious early on, but it gives him something to focus on and work towards. 

Something that kept him from depression when he thought too much about his past life and discovered just how much he’d forgotten, was still forgetting, something to keep him from being bored when he looked up one day and realized— he didn’t actually have any goals in this life, did he? 

Not when his life thus far had been dictated by his parents, and he’d been okay with following along to their script for him because if it wasn’t him, it’d be his sister or an innocent child who’d be forced to live up to their impossibly high expectations as the heir to Hammer Industries... but it was something he was resigned to at this point, not something he was particularly happy about. 

This time, he... didn’t know what he wanted in life. Nor did he remember what he’d wanted last time— had they wanted to be a doctor? Teacher? Writer? They didn’t remember anymore— and it’s startling to realize that he couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled if he wasn’t talking to his little sister. 

Justin’s never been one to seek out the approval of the adults in his life— the fact that he was surrounded by Parents of the Year [note the sarcasm] probably had something to do with that— and remembering a past life means he sees everyone his physical age and lower as kids, so he doesn’t see many people as equals.

...and then Tony decided he’d like having a rival.

At first, yeah, it was confusing; even as an adult, Justin didn’t entirely get why, but it was. Something.

Something good, and gets even better because this is something they both decided, that had nothing to do with the meticulously-annotated plan his parents had for his life, and while at first it was weird, Justin found he was actually enjoying himself [for once].

To the point where he found himself actually getting honestly, genuinely invested in said rivalry, and if he sometimes found himself trying to drill self-care into Tony sometimes, well, those bags under his eyes made them look bad, okay? It was self-interest, nothing more, really!

Really.

So when Tony went and became a superhero, Justin found himself taking a step back for a moment as he paused to consider his actions.

Paused before taking the plunge, because this was it, was serious, was pushing the limit and going past the point of no return. Was he really willing to do this?

A moment to consider things, deliberate on the possible consequences and what could happen— then he gave a sharp, decisive nod.

“Yes, we’re doing this.” 

[out-of-this-dimension]

Hypothetically Rewriting Assault’s Story + Some General Assault Opinions

There’s a game my husband and I like to play when we watch a movie, play a game, or read a book that has a story that we don’t really enjoy or we enjoy certain parts of but not others.  We look at things we’d keep and things we’d change and we build a story from there-- sort of like an AU but we don’t really go into the writing part, we just stick to theorizing and mapping a general story.

I decided to play that game with Star Fox.  Not because I think Star Fox has a bad story but because sometimes I think the stories could have been handled better.  Note: for the rewrite game, I only really look at story, even for video games, I don’t really look at gameplay mechanics, but I do understand those have a lot to do with story potential so I do take it in as a factor... I just don’t bother to “rewrite” the mechanics, if that makes any sense at all.  Some of my list today will include boss encounters but I wouldn’t necessarily say those are mechanic-related... more like “event-related”.

I’ve mused a bit in the past about rewriting Adventures and Command and I do have plans to do a mock up of an Adventures remake eventually.  However, today I was thinking about how I would go about handling an Assault re-write in particular.  Much like Command and Adventures, I don’t have any beef with the core story but I do think there’s a few things that could’ve been better about Assault’s storyline-- like they had good ideas rolling but they didn’t quite refine them.

Under the cut because SUPER long.

My basic feelings on Assault are pretty positive.  I think the game is generally just fun and I like that it feels like the natural progression from SF64.  I liked getting to see planets we haven’t seen since the N64 era in better graphics and I liked seeing Star Wolf return.  I also just thought the aparoids were neat enemies. 

Generally speaking, though, when it comes to Assault, I think it suffers from the thing it tries to push the most-- the story.  I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking the story is better than it is because it’s the first game since SF64 that really follows the same Star Fox vibe without retelling the Lylat Wars.  Don’t get me wrong, the overall plot is great but the execution and pacing are... wonky.  Certain characterizations also take a hit in some regards but no one really talks about that when Command exists. That’s something we’ll talk about later on with this post.

That being said, Assault really does have a lot good going for it.  An absolute banger of a soundtrack, some great dialogue, a neat story synopsis, the introduction of cool characters like Panther and Beltino (who existed but was always off-screen), and just good levels.  

So, here’s what I would add, I suppose, if I were to somehow have the ability to rewrite Assault.  Originally I had this in paragraph form, but I’ve made it into more of a list under topic segments with main points bolded for your viewing pleasure.  Some of these points might be considered nitpicky and while I do understand that yes, this is a game about space animals, I do hold the developers in high enough regard to make a game with a continuity that makes sense.

The Story Changes

- Reduce Pigma’s storyline in Assault.  This is the biggest one for me because a bulk of the plotline feels like a giant chase to just get at Pigma and it feels like it derails from the actual plot with the aparoids.  We only go to Sargasso because of Pigma.  We only go to Fichina and then back to Meteo again, because of Pigma.  That’s 3 levels in a 10 level game devoted to just tracking down Pigma and chasing him.  While it makes the build up to fighting Pigma kind of nice, I personally feel like the plot could be reduced to 2 levels.  If Assault overall was a longer game, I could see them making it 3 levels.  Overall, though, in its current state, I feel like the side plot overstays its welcome and the aparoids promptly get shoved to the side in favor of “Oh no, we gotta get to Pigma!” And I get the main motive here is to show how the aparoids affect people and because of the build up, it does a good job at showing how utterly terrifying the aparoids are.  But it’s still too long given the length of Assault’s story. The only alternative to this is make Assault longer, which... honestly, it should be.  

- Revise the scene with Tricky.  I’m obviously not well-versed in dinosaur biology but I’m pretty sure dinos didn’t grow that fast from what studying I HAVE done.  And why is he suddenly king now?  Did his parents die?  He seems not affected by this at all?  Like it’s a funny scene with him, Fox, and Krystal, but it’s odd if you really look at it.  Give us, as players, more context because I’m still not even sure what happened to make Tricky suddenly the leader and... big.  As a note, you’re gonna hear me gripe a lot about the Sauria level in this post.

- The Star Wolf + Peppy sacrifice is a low effort way to raise tension/stakes and then cop out.  Oldest trick in the book, imo, is to act like you’re going to kill off important characters only for them to be alive miraculously.  And let’s face it, as an audience we all know they aren’t going to kill those characters because it’s Nintendo and those characters are too beloved.  I would’ve forgiven them for only doing this with Peppy or Star Wolf, but when you tack them both together and throw in the fact they make it seem like you’re going to have to kill General Pepper too... yeah, it’s just a bit much of the same trope over and over again.  I wanted to put a note in here about how I’m fine with the Great Fox being “sacrificed” but overall, it needed to return to the series because of it’s icon status, but I think that’s more of a gripe at Command instead of Assault.

- Keep Pigma alive.  This will conflict with a point I have later on about the game consistently having characters cheat death for easy drama points but with Pigma, I would’ve kept him fully alive... but maybe with some physical damage from the aparoids.  I understand he’s semi-alive in Command and tbh I don’t know where I stand on that.  Why keep Pigma alive, you might ask?  I feel like his character has a lot more potential than being “just the greedy guy”.  Like he’s got good potential future villain material for future games and... if I’m honest?  I just don’t see Nintendo wanting to keep Pigma dead so why even bother killing him off?  They couldn’t even commit to him being dead in Command anyways so it seems very moot.

- Bring Bill and Katt back.  Assault is acts a bit like a big reunion of all of our SF64 favorites but our two favorite side characters are suspiciously missing.  Wouldn’t Bill be out on the front lines fighting against Andrew in the beginning?  Or maybe back in Katina?  And wouldn’t Katt inevitably show up in the midst of the invasion, maybe to pointedly check in on Falco?

- Bring Andrew back for the final fight. I think Andrew being defeated early into the game is fine overall but I think bringing him back in for a reunion final fight against the aparoids would serve to really solidify that it’s really everyone vs the invading aparoid force.  It would show that not only is Star Wolf willing to put aside their differences but so is basically everyone in the Lylat System in the name of survival.  Imagine the Venomians and Cornerians working together against an aparoid fleet, giving Star Fox and Star Wolf time to attack the queen?  I just think it’d be neat and it’d open up the potential for some fun banter mid-mission.  I do understand that quite a few people consider Andrew canonically dead after Assault but personally, I feel that his defeat left his fate questionable (I’m a staunch believer that unless there’s a body, they’re probably alive, especially for Nintendo games because, again, they never like to kill people off) so him returning in Command never really bothered me.  

- In general, reconsider some of the character portrayals.  Unfortunately, when a series has a different studio for each game, character portrayals will inevitably have inconsistencies.  While I give Namco a lot of credit for putting in oodles and oodles of detail into the game (particularly the levels), I think they failed in their portrayal of Fox, at the least, and Wolf is a considerable offender as well.  While it’s obvious that Fox in Adventures was effectively modeled off of Sabre even in terms of personality, Rareware was at least able to justify Fox’s newfound jaded attitude with the passing of many years and a distinct lack of steady income, resulting in the team being in disarray.  Assault’s Fox is a stark contrast to his cynical interpretation with seemingly no explanation other than maybe “Oh, I have more money and a gf, maybe I should behave myself”.  As if the sudden change in personality wasn’t random, Fox also just seems very blah, like a blank slate stereotypical shooter game protagonist dude with little to no emotion.  Wolf is less obvious but gets slated into a mentor-like role midway through the game and ends up in a respectful rivalry with Fox... which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that except for it happening abruptly (and, I mean, Peppy is right there).  But I take less issue with this and more of an issue with the fact that there’s an entire level establishing that Wolf now runs a crime den with effectively what seems to be an army and no one bats an eye at this.  He doesn’t even call on them to help with the aparoids.  Did they all die when the aparoids attacked Meteo?  Are they safe somewhere else?  Where do they go?  How was Sargasso able to operate without the CDF being on their doorstep with warrants for arrests?

- Don’t kill all the dinosaurs.  A bit of a dramatic statement but the ending screen that showed all the damage to Sauria really bothered me.  While I understand that the dinosaurs had less of a chance against the aparoids than a more technology-focused society like Corneria, I was a bit disappointed that the decision was made to just state that a lot of tribes had been wiped out.  I know this could easily be retconned in a future game and I feel like it should be.  “But why, Amalia?  Why are you disappointed by that?”  1) It’s a little too grimdark for my tastes.  2) The fact it all happened off-screen felt very hand-wavy.  And 3) It brings into question the entire point of Adventures.  Why did we bother to save this planet if it was going to be reduced to rubble and ash 1 year later?  Where were the Krazoa in all of this?  Why did they not make an appearance at all to try to stop the invasion with their alleged powers?  It just raises too many weird questions and I feel like Namco didn’t think it through too much.  Which I mean, sure.  Family, kiddo game.  I’m not asking for bigbrain plot and lore but I’m squinting at this bit because it does feel very contrary to the lore from the previous game.

- Make the aparoids more relevant.  As nice as it is to have a random bad guy from another galaxy, I feel like there was more that could be done with the aparoids in terms of their origins.  Tiny things, mind you, not huge revelations.  Off the top of my head, they could have been tied into Krystal’s backstory to help alleviate some of the complaints that she was too random to be added to the series’ main cast.  Alternatively, they could have been a product of Andross or even a weapon prototype from Corneria that fled the lab (I actually thought the game was leaning in that direction for a bit then just Nothing Happened).  I get that the vagueness of their origins leaves room for people to speculate and speculation is nice but... when you leave too many things unknown, it starts to feel less like giving fans room to interpret and more like just doing random things for the sake of it.  I think a lore tidbit here or there would work wonders for the aparoids instead of leaving them as just borg/zerg clones.

Level-Based Changes

- Add either Aparoid RedEye or Aparoid General Scales as a boss to Sauria.  Given that this level mysteriously lacks a boss, which is just weird compared to the other levels, I think that they had the opportunity to add something cool to go along with the cinematic feel they were going for with Assault.  Assault’s cutscenes do play in a movie-like fashion and it’s clear they’re trying to make the game as epic as possible.  It’s a shame they had so much fodder for a great boss here but they failed to go through with it.  Alternatively: Add a Krazoa-Aparoid fusion.  Why?  Because Star Fox is about cool epic sci-fi and that would be cool epic sci-fi incarnate.

- Add a boss to the Aparoid Homeworld Level, aka the penultimate level.  Another one I felt was personally weird that there was no “final defense system” to challenge the team.  Would be cool to do an aerial battle over the aparoid planet with some giant flying aparoid.

- Be kinder to Sauria.  The level had some good homages but overall was incredibly small and incredibly short.  It felt like a bone tossed to Adventures fans but was not entirely true to the setting built by Rareware.  I’m... not even sure where the Sauria level is supposed to take place?  I presume it’s Walled City but it doesn’t really have the same color scheme or aesthetic?  Also where is my revised Adventures music?  Why do all the other levels get it but Sauria doesn’t? 

- Put some of those funky items from the multiplayer into the main campaign.  I don’t know why some of these things, items especially, were omitted unless it was purely due to time constraints.  I remember having missile launchers and jetpacks in the multiplayer and was a bit sad that they were not in the main campaign.  Retuning the levels and adding those in would be a nice breath of fresh air for the more tedious on-foot missions.

- More levels.  Self-explanatory.  Still sad we didn’t get the Zoness or Titania levels in the single-player mode.  

I think all of the above changes would improve the game, though I recognize all of this is being said 16 years later after lots of time to contemplate Assault’s weaker points.  I’m not entirely certain how long Star Fox Assault took to develop but given that there’s obviously quite a bit scrapped from the game (an entire arcade mode was scrapped as well), I’m going to assume that the studio felt pressured to shove the game out the door and into the hands of customers.  It’s a shame, really, because I think a little bit longer in the oven would have done a lot of good.  Still, the product we got was good in its own right and a game that many people look back on fondly.  I haven’t gotten to replay it in years but I hope to quite soon.

You might wonder why I bothered typing this all out and I guess my point was this-- Assault was great but it wasn’t perfect, and while a lot of other games fall under a crushing amount of scrutiny, Assault seems to dodge it.  And don’t get me wrong-- I adore Assault.  But given that not many takes exist out there about rewriting it, I decided to give it a shot.  For variety’s sake.  

I do want to a mock up of a revised Assault story, which I think I will get to work on after completing this while all my ideas are still fresh in mind.  So stay tuned for that sometime in the near future.  I will also be doing my Adventures mock up at some point but probably not for a little bit as I do wanna focus some of my free time on actual fic-writing.

Anyways, if you stuck around this long, thank you for reading!  Have any changes you’d like to see to Assault if you could time machine your way back to the early 2000s?  Feel free to post in the comments, I’d love to read your ideas!

[batsplat]

someone on some motogp podcast said that 2025 was gonna be the 2015 season 10th anniversary tribute year and afffgghhjjkk they’re right. can’t wait for it

yeah I heard that! I mean, before this season, I was thinking this season might be the repeat - I'm sure others have pointed this out too, but if you want to map the three protagonists of that season onto this season... which, hey, let's see how it'll all turn out, but it's not not headed that way. next season won't be like 2015 in that I would be *taps on wood* shocked if marc weren't one of the main title contenders, but it will be the tribute act in that you've locked two guys who are valentino rossi successors in very different ways into an enclosed space. it's fantastic! there's not really any possible outcome of next year that isn't narratively fascinating (though obviously as a viewer I'm very much hoping for some kind of tight title fight, preferably between those two). whether marc is going for his ninth or his tenth at that point, of course they'll all be very much caught up in the legacy implications of it all... massive massive stakes for the both of them and bare minimum they're trapped in that partnership for two seasons now

obviously another way in which it will be like 2015 is the teammate element. in a way it's surprising how rare it is that teammates fight for the title and it's not really happened since 2015 - not quite the same when it's just two riders housed within the same factory. the closest otherwise is 2017 where both marc and dani were in the championship fight until fairly late in the season (as well as mathematically pecco and jack miller in 2022), but it's different when the expectation was never that it'd be between those two guys specifically... it's rarer than you'd think really given motogp teams generally aren't shy when it comes to signing two strong riders. obviously been a lot of discussion of the jorge/valentino parallels recently and I'm still working on that particular post, I do have opinions on a lot of those... but it's always worth remembering overt hostilities really only started in their third season together which is when they started openly insulting each other.... the partnership survived a whole title fight in a relatively outwardly civil manner. even in 2015, both sides were trying so so hard to keep things pretty low on drama... until the very end when they very much both did Not stick to that (and look, yes, valentino was the one to actually blow it up, but jorge's the bloke who was planting friendly presser questions to attempt to unsettle valentino, like that partnership was always all about locking two nutters into a confined space)

anyway yeah wouldn't really expecting anything more dramatic initially from these two... plenty of subtle indirect bitching from both camps, more tension over the course of the season in the context of a title fight, hopefully a few on-track clashes. (obviously that was one big big thing that missing in 2015, and even in 2009 both parties kept it pretty clean. 2010 is the nasty one in the jorge/valentino on-track rivalry, also that time in 2016 when jorge randomly started beef in a presser over a pass that was...? fine? but ofc that was more about other stuff lol.) sometimes you get through one season all right, but it's the second one where things get really sticky... but hey, if they do ever decide to throw subtlety out of the window and have at it, please, sign me up. we'll see!! much to look forward to

[amyisherenowitsokay]

You know what just to SPICE it up a bit imma say zadr too bitch

This bitch tryna give me arthritis smdh. Making me out myself for my dual-ship on main, can't even believe a bitch.

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

1. How did they first meet?

School. We must never forget the infamous handcuffs scene.

2. What was their first impression of each other?

Pure, unrivaled loathing.

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together?

Gaz said "kiss already" and throws things at them when they're getting too far away from "I want you dead" territory and well into "you want to fuck me so bad and it makes you look stupid" territory. Professor Membrane thinks they're adorable.

4. Who felt romantic feelings first?

Dib. Hormones get the best of us all. You can only be obsessed with someone so long before motivations get blurry.

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings?

Zim would nearly break his PAK and commit accidental die trying to delete the emotions or install an emotional inhibitor. Dib would have a full mental breakdown trying to sort through it, which would manifest poorly in his behavior and negatively impact his ability to engage in their usual altercations. Pro tip: if you are painfully attracted to someone, being in a position where they pin you to the asphalt or lean over your desk to hiss insults at you is a bad idea.

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

I stand by what I said on my ZAGR post in that Zim doesn't know what a soulmate is, or the concept of a soul, but given this is in regards to his arch-nemesis instead of a creature he's mostly indifferent too, he'd be pissed at the insinuation he was in any way bound to Dib. Dib's fragile psyche would not survive the revelation.

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met?

Really empty. Their rivalry and parallel situations regarding neglectful authority figures is what keeps them going for so many years.

GENERAL

1. Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go?

As someone who thinks Zim doesn't understand even the concept of not being a possessive jackass, I think Zim just sort of concludes after awhile that, regardless of Dib's feelings, or even Zim's own feelings, whatever they have makes them wholly and entirely each other's. Just completely and hilariously misunderstanding the concept of a relationship, but still being incredibly presumptive in assuming they already have one. He also doesn't let Dib know of this revelation either, so eventually Dib explodes about his crush, and Zim's like "we are already together???? moron???" Dib could argue, and he kind of wants to, but he also never expected Zim to reciprocate, so he just sort of nods and is like "you know what, sure" and that's the end of it. They do not have an anniversary, but Dib's not really like that, and Zim doesn't know anniversaries are a thing anyways.

2. Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

Again, stealing from my own ZAGR post, but I don't think Zim's really a 'date' person who would plan out that sort of thing. Dib is an awkward moron with arguably worse social skills than even Zim, and mentally comes to the conclusion that dragging Zim on investigations is basically like a date, and Zim doesn't bitch about it anymore than expected, therefore he is a master of romance, so it's fine.

3. What was their first kiss like?

Awkward, and quick. Dib is not a great communicator, nor is he great at explaining things like human demonstrations of affection, especially not when Zim's scowling impatiently at him through is fumbling and stuttering. He just goes for it, and it's quick and he misses his mouth almost. Zim is extremely surprised, especially when Dib makes terrible excuses about needing to be elsewhere and flees. Zim does his own research, and their second kiss is predated by a lecture about being better than Dib at everything/Dib being bad at everything. It is much more successful, even if afterwards Dib instigates a fight about Zim's tongue being weird.

4. Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

First everything, except kiss. Gretchen kissed Dib in high school as a dare. Zim will never forgive her for it.

5. What’s their height difference? Age difference?

I'd die to make them the same height, but I think the image of Zim being average height while Dib is a gangly big boi is just too funny. Zim would be pissed, and Dib would be so smug but so uncoordinated.

6. What’s their relationship with each other’s families?

Gaz interacts with them as minimally as possible, because they are loud and gross and annoying, but she's okay with Zim overall. They have a mutual understanding that Dib is stupid, completely reckless, and requires constant supervision to keep him from getting eaten by a ghoul or something. Gaz does genuinely trust him to skewer anything that tries to kill her brother, but she also knows that Dib isn't the only one with 0 sense of self-preservation. Dib was initially wary of Professor Membrane's reaction, because his dad is sort of unpredictable when it comes to his only son, but the Professor's only commentary is that he is glad his son finally made it official with his 'little green friend.' Dib then realizes that the implication in that perpetual comment about Zim had air quotes around that "friend" part all along.

Dib thinks Gir's gross and loud and doesn't get him, but he likes to team up with him and/or use him as a means to annoy Zim. The Base hates him, because now there's two morons with no sense of self-preservation that it needs to keep track of. Minimoose and Dib are bros.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations?

Zim, if only because he is arguably more 'charming' than Dib's fumbling attempts at communication with non-paranormal parties.

8. Who gets jealous easier?

Zim. Dib I think would have his 'HTTYD Hiccup moment' as he gets older, but still has that ingrained low self-esteem from years of ridicule and abuse. He is completely oblivious to the new attention he gets. Zim, however, is not. Dib never really notices the cause of his weird snarling and clinginess, but he shrugs it off as Zim just being weird and continues with whatever he was doing.

9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

Zim is a slut, I will die on this hill.

LOVE

1. Who said “I love you” first?

Dib. He says it casually, in the dark, when they're on a stake-out to find some wood goblin or something. He says it like he's talking about something plane and unremarkable.

I think a ZADR relationship would need Zim to be a lot more independent in terms of researching how romantic relationships 'work,' since Dib's not a great communicator, and there's an ingrained rivalry that will never dissolve between them, no matter how many times they kiss, so Zim would be a lot more motivated to figure things out on his own. He would, in this circumstance, know the weight of Dib's way-too-casual admittance, and it would be a huge shock to him. He'd be pretty shaken about it for awhile, and Dib's not bothered when he doesn't reply. Dib would be pretty sure Zim would never admit it, but he does, eventually, because he refuses to be a coward about it.

2. What are their primary love languages?

Verbal affirmations. With their self-esteems firmly in the toilet in Zim's kitchen, being able to have someone validate them who they respect would mean a lot to them.

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

Dib. He uses it to start fights with Zim about linguistics and metaphors. Also, he's 99.9% positive Zim secretly is flattered by it, but hates that he is.

4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

Zim is very clingy, but Dib's too on the move to really pin down for a good cuddle frequently. He's twitchy and his minds always racing, but every once in a while when Zim's completely fed up, or Dib's running on fumes but still forcing himself on, Zim will all but pin him to a cushioned surface and force him to sleep. Neither of them are PDA people.

5. Who initiates kisses?

Zim. Dib's really shy about it, and also normally too distracted to pay Zim the attention he so obviously deserves, and often misses Zim's 'signals.'

6. Who’s the big and little spoon?

PAK not comfy against sternum. It's also easier to force Dib to sleep if he's the big spoon, because he can pin his limbs.

7. What are their favorite things to do together?

Paranormal investigations, and morally ambiguous and/or largely dangerous experiments.

8. Who’s better at comforting the other?

Dib, which is hilarious, because he's about as smooth as a cheese grater, but he is very attuned to the person he's been obsessed with for years, and he can also relate to a lot of his issues. While Zim usually shrugs off the sentimentality and the empathy, dismissing it as 'pity,' the affirmation means a lot to him.

9. Who’s more protective?

Zim. He has to anticipate his lover's stupidity to make sure he stays alive to hunt ghosts another day.

10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Verbal. Hormones are real, but there's something that eases the sting of years of abusive in a crooning praise or a sincere compliment.

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

https://open.spotify.com/track/3IvUhEVbbA81QnEVhsFHiH?si=b3c5787c9ff14105

12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

It is primarily age-old insults that lack the bite and sincerity they once had.

13. Who remembers the little things?

Dib. Zim isn't inattentive by any means, cataloguing all of Dib's weird habits and nuances and what not, but for all the compensating Zim does to keep Dib safe and healthy, Dib reciprocates in meaningful gestures. He remembers to pack Zim-friendly snacks on their road trips and ways to keep Gir entertained, if they have to bring him. He always checks the weather and has an extra coat, just in case. Never makes Zim feel bad about needing to check, just one more time, to see if he got any incoming messages from home.

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married, who proposes?

Dib.

2. What’s the wedding like? Who attends?

It's just Gaz, Minimoose, and Gir. Membrane is too far away to attend, but that was deliberate. Dib didn't want his tendency to make things about 'the Membrane line' effect the intimacy and importance of the ceremony. Also, Zim insists on incorporating some Irken rituals into it, so it'd be hard to make excuses and explanations to why Zim wants Dib to fuck with his weird pink backpack during their wedding.

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like?

No kiddos. Neither of them would be interested, even if it was biologically possible.

4. Do they have any pets?

Seriously, Gir counts, right?

5. Who’s the stricter parent?

Dib. Zim refuses to parent Gir when Dib is more inclined to do it, since he's more irritated by it.

6. Who worries the most?

Dib has perpetual anxiety. So does Zim, but he masks it better.

7. Who kills the bugs in the house?

Dib, to prevent the gooey grossness that is Gir's bug-breath.

8. How do they celebrate holidays?

Just with Gaz.

9. Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

Zim will strap Dib to a bed himself to get him to go the fuck to sleep, because it's been over 48 hours you insufferable human, and--!

10. Who’s the better cook?

Dib's idea of cooking is a microwave, salt, and pepper. Zim is forced to learn the wonders of human food to keep his idiot from dying of malnutrition.

11. Who likes to dance?

Gir.