#they really need to have that drink. <3 ]
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This may have been Alfred...
The collective gasps of horror when he ate a couple off the New York City sidewalk 😭
#hetalia#hws america#alfred f. jones#aph America#video#we have no way to prove that it wasn’t him#but in all honesty#Americans are so precious lmao.#how random strangers kept bringing him drinks he had 3 or 4 waters at his feet#how they all showed up just to hype this man up and make him the main character for a day#I feel like this guy really needed this moment and I’m so happy everyone made it special for him
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It's a beautiful day, warm and sunny, almost perfect if only Yoojin didn't have to work.
At least the kids are having fun, Yoohyun and Yerim fooling around somewhere behind him. Yoojin thinks it's nice they like to play with each other so much. After all, it is very important for young people to have fun and exercise.
And as long as Yoojin is around they don't even cause that much property damage!
He's not exactly supervising them right now, being busy talking to Officer Song, but he's sure his presence is enough to prevent the worst. Yerim's delighted battle cries assure him that everything is fine.
Yoojin is almost done anyway, presently trying to steer the discussion away from boring legal matters towards the dear Officer maybe taking a break sometime? Perhaps even go on vacation?
...and then a spray of water hits Officer Song square in the chest.
It pastes the already flimsy dress shirt tightly against his skin, turning it all but translucent under the onslaught and leaving nothing to the imagination. His chest goes from prominent to omnipresent, the thin fabric revealing two dusky nipples, visibly hardening due to the cold water. The water runs down toward the stomach, leading the eyes to Officer Song's defined eight pack, each muscle easily discernible and glistening in the sun, the shadows cast by the peaks and dips of his stomach writhing tantalizingly with each breath.
"Oh shit Officer Song, that was totally Yoohyun's fault!"
Yoojin cannot tear his gaze away from Officer Song.
He gapes in horror.
The man before him is dangerously dehydrated.
#sctir#tsctir#s classes that i raised#the s classes that i raised#han yoojin#song taewon#my fic <3#theoretically a wip but really far down my list of priorities and I needed to get this off my chest....#after this yj makes it his mission to make sure tw drinks enough until he gets a tummy#let this man have a tummy.....
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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
#even silly shit like bringing up drinking even tho staff has clearly told him not too#like yeah its silly but its still sticking to his guns of being like we arent actually children anymore thanks#the food thing too like in an old 2 kids room he said something about not being able to eat on his bday bc they were filming so evidently#there was a moment in time when he caved to the shitty diet obsession kpop had but ever since hes never really said anything like it again#instead hes telling everyone to eat well and reminding people to have dinner or lunch every other day#even the comment about growing his hair out but then being like lol the stylist probably wont like me saying that or whatever#and like the yeah im going to the gym but im not lifting. dont expect me to bulk up. im doing it for stamina<< that made me cackle#bc i did see people on twt being like but what if seungmin got buff tho omg hed be so hot 🥺 Well him bein buff isnt what this is about#so he went and made sure people were realistic. not everyone needs to be noticeably cut yk#idk maybe bc i watched most all the skz content all the way through#and now i go back and gif stuff i notice patterns more easily than if youve been here for longer and havent watched older stuff#for a while- maybe? idk its just funny but i also see takes a lot and have to stop myself from going No <3#anyway this is my obligatory insane ksm tangent of the week. see you in 5 minutes.#🐶
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Also my biggest takeaway from bingeing Malevolent and Dungeon Meshi pretty close together is that Arthur really needs a Senshi around to convince him to actually eat and sleep occasionally. Something something the party beat their mad magician because they were well fed and rested while Arthur and John got tied to a table by their magic user. Didn't even think to make a giant curry to distract the hag.
#dungeon meshi#malevolent#spoilers#Senshi would probably even have a protocol for nourishing people who had been starving#Oscar and Noel and Daniel were great#but one of them really ought to have insisted he just eat something for once#I just realized Noel only ever had him drink more black coffee#which is in no way helpful#you gotta beef up to beat the horrors my guy#tbf I think most protagonists need a Senshi around#or a samwise gamgee#who is also aware of the importance of nutrition and friendship#I realize lotr is in no way relevant here but Sam is never far from my mind <3
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Thinking about how Astarion insisted on staying up to keep watch in the beginning of the game
Yeah, it could be because he needs to go hunt at night without anyone noticing, or because he's keeping an eye out for Cazador/his minions. But... It could also be because he's scared of sleeping/trancing in general?
He's got severe C-PTSD. I have that too. And one of the things I experience from it is a fear of falling asleep.
Sleeping is vulnerability. You're completely defenseless. It's terrifying to fall asleep when you're used to danger! And some abusers will purposefully do things to you when you sleep. I wouldn't put it past Cazador to have done something like that.
It's especially terrifying when you're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, or as out and open as a forest. With strangers.
Add in the elvish reverie (if we assume Astarion still experiences it as he would if he were alive at his current age)... and he might even be reliving horrible memories every time he tries to rest.
(If you're unfamiliar with elvish trancing/dreaming, I made a post about it and some ways it might affect Astarion as a vampire spawn a while ago)
One of the reasons I think this could be the case is actually the other spawn, specifically what I noticed when we first meet Dalyria and Petras. At first I thought Astarion's eye bags were just a product of being undead. But... Petras, the very human looking spawn, doesn't have that. Dalyria is an elf as well, and like Astarion, she's got some of that tired sleep-deprived purple under and around her eyes.
So all this considered... I think it's very possible that Astarion has a fear of sleeping too. Or at the very least, trouble resting. Him and the other elvish spawn.
It also makes me wonder if he sleeps any better later on in the game. By Act 3 he probably feels more comfortable with you and the group. Sleeping near familiar people (especially people you're very comfortable with, but that's very dependant on your own choices in your game), and having established night time routines can make sleeping feel a little safer.
Plus by that point he's made many new memories he can visit in his reverie. Maybe instead of remembering the terrible things, sometimes he dreams of sun bathing, the first time he bit you or that bear, or any other happy memory he's created since being tadpoled.
Maybe for the first time in centuries, sleeping isn't such a terrible prospect.
#bg3#astarion#text post#its just something thats been on my mind#my fear of sleep is bad enough that i usually cant fall asleep without pushing myself to the point of passing out#or sometimes i need to take a sedative just to manage it#so i wonder how bad it is for him given that he doesnt have the option of sedation#it makes for some interesting headcanons/ideas though#pretty sure a druidic Tav can offer to put together an herbal tea to help him sleep#what if that sort of thing worked and it became a nightly routine?#i assume he can drink tea given that he can drink alcohol#or if you've romanced him#would sleeping near Tav help?#i know sometimes its easier for me to sleep when im around someone im comfortable with#though sometimes it has the opposite effect and it makes it harder to sleep because i feel like i need to be extra alert to protect them#trauma really does a number on you#act 3 spoilers#bg3 act 3 spoilers#astarion spoilers#bg3 spoilers#q
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i got a variable temp electric kettle im all ready to try green teas let's go
#I really needed a personal kettle I felt bad for going to the kitchen even 3 times a day while I have covid#but now I can drink tea all day for this covid head cold and die throat#lifestyle blogging
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A trend in Astarion fics that I find bizarre is the idea that he's never been treated gently during sex. This is difficult to believe for one simple reason: some of Astarion's victims were virgins.
Astarion: You were handsome. Shy. You'd never been kissed. Sebastian: You taught me how. And then you destroyed me.
I get the desire to make his current partner special by having their sex be good and wholesome in comparison to his other trysts, but this is a flawed sentiment. The cutscene of that first night together is incredibly tender from the kiss to laying on the grass - the only outlier being if you offer your neck - and if you sleep with Astarion but keep it at that night, Astarion himself says he will never forget you. Not because the PC was uniquely gentle with him in bed, but because they were the first person he ever slept with of his own free will. It's his choice that makes that night special to him moreso than anything the PC may or may not have done during that time.
#baldur's gate 3#astarion ancunin#astarion#the only exception i have to this is rimming. im down so bad for him being overwhelmed from being eaten out its not even funny#also the blood drinking since that is canonically new. makes me wonder how not being hungry would specifically affect him during sexy times#it's an eat or be eaten out world#...anyway#other factors can and probably do make their adult fun times special for him. particularly the intricacies of personal dynamics#a night w a pc that listens to him. lets him drink often. and saves the tiefs is def more special than one w a pc who does none of those#i really enjoy the tension between his hating heroic types and them being the most likely to provide the things he needs to survive#oh and smth thats somewhat related to this#i don't think astarion ever let his conquests see his back#in the clearing he's always facing his partner and even the camera doesnt show his back until the dramatic reveal#given that his victims were all one night stands it'd be p easy to convince each of them to do it face to face#leaves plenty of positions and ftf is oft more romantic which could def be an interesting conflict for him and his lover#so many common gestures of affection have been ruined for him. theyre just motions at best now#that makes it easier for their faces to be ingrained in his head so. bonus trauma lol
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One of the best Voyager scenes to indicate Tuvok & Neelix's dynamic and how I think Tuvok is just as if not more 'annoying'(positive) than Neelix is when Neelix pours Tuvok a fresh squeezed glass of a fruit juice blend and Tuvok's like (paraphrased) "I don't want to drink this." and Neelix is like "Can you please try it?" and Tuvok's like "I don't want to, you're really bad at this sort of thing. It's going to taste bad." and Neelix says that Ensign XYZ said she LOVED it, she even had a second glass! And Tuvok says Ensign XYZ could drink poison without a second thought and Neelix is like "Tuvok could you please just TRY it? Just try a little SIP of it PLEASE??" and Tuvok sighs and rolls his eyes and sniffs it before taking a sip and it turns out he loves it. Turns out it tasted good actually. And then after all that Neelix tries to talk to him over eggs (which he's again cooking fresh for him) and Tuvok tells him he doesn't wanna hear "the life history of his breakfast." Absolutely insufferable this man I would have burned his eggs on PURPOSE!!!!
#I love Neelix so much and I think he and Tuvok are very funny together - irritating4irritating#People say 'Neelix is so pushy with Tuvok!' and you know what? I think Tuvok can handle it. I think maybe he does need to be pushed -#down a flight of stairs. (he's my favorite character and he's so annoying...TUVOK!!!!!)#Tuvok: -kicking and screaming- I don't want to drink the juice!!! It's poison!!! You're trying to poison me!!!!!!!!!#Neelix: Can you please drink the juice. The fresh squeezed juice I made for you Mr. Vulcan??? Can you please???#Tuvok: Fine but if I die it's your fault. If I die from the poison you're FORCING me to drink it's on y- Oh this is delicious actually.#and don't tell me 'Neelix didn't make it SPECIFICALLY for Tuvok' bc I know he didn't but he says#'I'll start squeezing that second glass!' after Tuvok finishes his sip so he IS freshly squeezing it#Neelix: -makes Tuvok fresh squeezed juice-#Tuvok: Are you trying to poison me???#Neelix: -talks to Tuvok while making his eggs-#Tuvok: Can you be quiet???#<- TUVOK!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU EHHEHEHEH <3#Tuvok is the most annoying guy ever bc he doesn't care about what people think and is a snob with a lowkey superiority complex#vs Neelix is perceived as annoying (post his relationship with Kes) bc he cares a lot about being useful and helping the crew and sometimes#is too pushy because of that but listen...I think Neelix is sweet and genuinely trying his best - after the Kes plotline with him ends I#really don't find him objectionable. Just chatty & a bit overbearing maybe Meanwhile Tuvok !!!#Meanwhile Tuvok!!!!!!!!! HHEHEHHE#st voyager#star trek voyager#I think they should have done more with Neelix thinking the crew of Voyager were spoiled - specifically how Tuvok acts Like That sometimes#little lord Tuvok. oH SORRY...for DEIGNING to speak while preparing your eggs your HIGHNESS!!#I think people do a disservice to Tuvok by not talking more about how he's kind of a hardass and a snob v_v also a disservice to Janeway#indirectly bc her bestie is kind of a hardass and a snob and what does that say about her??#I also wish Neelix kept up a bit of that 'these people are crazy and also so soft oh my god shut up about the food being bad - we're trying#to SURVIVE!!! Eat the Leola Root!!' from the earlier seasons...I like when he shows he has a bit of bite#It's just funny and interesting that Janeway isn't friends with Tuvok bc he's 'not like other Vulcans' - she's friends with the most#Vulcany Vulcan ever and I love that for them.#CRIMINAL that we don't ever get any in-depth insight into their friendship#Tuvok
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*insert pink color here*
#ironic that last year at this time i was really sick cause i had candidemia#(fungus in my blood and organs etc)#and now my doc is having me take a cordyceps and lionsmane supplement#LMAO#kinda fucked up but in a funny way 💀#guys if you ever get candidemia or a fungal infection the diet and meds you gotta go on SUCK#basically no sugar and i mean not even a gram of it can be in the food you consume for 4 weeks at minimum and you gotta eat mostly greens#and drink water and that's it#my infection was so bad they were worried about it fucking up my brain and other major organs so i was on that for 3 months#from what the docs said i caught it cause my last bout with covid at the time shot my immune system#and get this: they saw A LOT of people that had similiar fungal problems after said clients had covid#some food for thought if you're thinking about boosters or anything#but yeah...TLOU lite isn't fun#when fungus gets in your system that bitch doesn't want to leave and it makes you sick#covid almost killed me but the fungus shit was scary cause it likes to be incognito with symptoms until its like HEY ROOMIE#IVE BEEN INSIDE YOU FOR A LONG TIME HERE'S SOME NERVE DAMAGE A FEVER AND IMMA MAKE YOUR BRAIN FEEL LOOPIER THAN USUAL 😃#OH AND YOU PROBABLY HAVE SEPSIS MY STEPSIS#this is a tangent train psa: stay healthy#fuchsia is my vent word for good things???#not really good but???#need another pink
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Maybe a doodle of Alfira from bg3? I just think she's neat and I've hardly seen any art of her
You're so right?? I didn't realize it until you said it but yeah. For such a well-loved NPC art about her doesn't float around all that often
I wanted to draw her singing but I can't stop thinking about how intensely upbeat she has to stay for the kids. The poor woman has to be at her breaking point
#i also got an idea for a full alfira drawing (also sad though)#so thank you for that! /gen#i started thinking about her while I was drawing and now i have Feelings about her#we almost always see her (at least trying to be) upbeat#the only times i remember seeing her upset are 1) when you meet her at the grove and 2) when you talk to her about the hostage tieflings#she needs a hug & a hot drink & a good cry & space to just. not have to put on a brave face#and she's so YOUNG too?!?#like. there's no way she's past 30 right? a good chunk of the tiefling adults are pretty young tbh#unless im just really bad at figuring out ages#alfira bg3#bg3#bg3 fanart#baldurs gate 3#my art#art request#sketch
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have you ever thought about yandere geto more specifically yandere CULT geto. cus i do. quite often.
HI ANON hmmm hm hm………… okay so honestly. i’m not super into yanderes at all so i don’t know if i’ll have much to contribute with when it comes to this kinda thing :’3 bUT i do love cult leader!geto to the moon and back + i’ve been thinking of him incessantly lately + i think he’s only a couple steps away from being a yan lol.
geto’s whole Thing is his contrast; he can kill a man swiftly, cruelly, only to go meet his beloved family right after with a genuine smile on his face. (we see that almost instantly in jjk 0!!) he really does have that cruel / soft contrast that i assume a bunch of yan content is built on…. he would treasure his beloved soooo dearly and i absolutely don’t think he’d shy away from killing any non-sorcerers that were giving them trouble… but again!! this isn’t even yan!geto, this is literally just Geto. that’s just how he is in canon 😭😭 he’s willing to go to any lenghts to protect his loved ones, and his own morals are aligned towards his view of non-sorcerers as non-human. he doesn’t see them as human, so why would he feel guilty for killing them?
but ok so to kinda go back to the idea of yan!geto… i think the biggest difference between him and yan!gojo (imo!!) is that gojo is willing to look past his morals to keep you safe, knowing that it’s Wrong but choosing not to care, while geto doesn’t let go of his morals — instead, he twists them until they align with what he’s doing. if that makes sense. to him, doing what he does for you is morally just. so he doesn’t feel shame or guilt for it.
aaaaand this is also why i don’t really feel Equipped to talk abt him….. because yan!geto would probably be a lot Worse than yan!gojo …….. and i’m embarrassingly sensitive to dark content :’3 i can see the appeal and the yan undertones are absolutely There but i think i see cult leader!geto in a very moe light PHJEHSJD he’s… my meowmeow. he can do no wrong. he hasn’t had a single evil thought in his Life <33
SOO to change the subject rq!!!!! kind of!!!! (i’m sorry anon i’ve just been thinking abt more fluffy scenarios w him lately and i need an outlet </3) i genuinely think cult leader geto!would be such a great lover :(( it’s easy to see him as a yan (AND THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG W THAT TO BE CLEAR) but i just . genuinely think he would be sooo gentle and loving and silly? protective and possessive and imposing, sure, but he would honestly rather die than hurt you in any way. i don’t think his soul could take it.
like. it’s just so telling that geto canonically lets his family believe what they want, and do what they want; he doesn’t force them to see non-sorcerers the same way he does, he doesn’t keep nanako & mimiko from exploring the world and interacting w non-sorcerers, and so on!! his own beliefs are steadfast, but he doesn’t use them as an excuse to confine the people he cares for. he trusts them and loves them and even though i’m sure he’s paranoid he lets them run free.
so!! i think he would be very patient and accepting no matter what his s/o believed or did. i can see him being a bit a Lot of a helicopter parent but it’s never malicious, it’s just for safety purposes!! he just couldn’t bear to have anything happen to you </3 cult leader!geto is cynical and cautious and he isn’t taking any chances when it comes to your safety. but!! he’s still so silly and doting and i think he’s just so sweet…. 🥺🥺 i’m writing the outline for a fic rn where his s/o works at a regular preschool and he hates interacting with your coworkers in any capacity but he still does it to make u happy … yk??? like how he went with his girls to eat crepes in jjk 0. he just wants to give and give. our acts of service king <333
overall i see cult leader!geto as someone who hides his inherent softness behind a dark exterior, and while he’s far more willing to be cruel than hs suguru was, he never really changed at his core!! he’s just overflowing with softness and care. we see this so clearly in the scene where he’s alone with nanamimi, his girls, and everything is soft and quiet and geto is completely unguarded. and he’s so, so soft. his softness doesn’t even have a twisted hint to it, he just loves you. and he wants the best for you. i think the horror would only come from seeing how quickly he goes from cooing into your ear to disposing of a non-sorcerer with a freezing look in his eyes; the whiplash is scary. but if it scared his s/o i think he’d be hell-bent on not letting you see him like that unless absolutely necessary.
it’s difficult because so much of his character in this stage of his life has to do with cruelty, but all he truly wants at his core is to create a world where his loved ones will be happy :(( where he can protect them properly. idk i just can’t really see cult leader!geto as toxic at the end of the day….. he’s a puppydog to me. a foxcoded, silly little guy. despite his cult leader / genocide loving tendencies i think he would be a very soft, selfless lover <333 overwhelmingly devoted. the weight of his devotion could honestly be frightening and i feel like he could be sweet in a kind of twisted way (something like this) but at the end of the day he’s very particular about only showing you his soft side.
THOSE ARE MY SPONTANEOUS THOUGHTS i’m sorry they weren’t too focused on yan!geto anon :’3 but i hope u got some enjoyment out of them anyway!!! if u have any thoughts of ur own then i’d absolutely love to hear em <33
#im just . a Bit too sensitive to certain tropes and dynamics ……… pshfjehhfvf …. so i just don’t think im equipped to talk abt yans </3#aaaa but. i DO think geto would be a lot more twisted w a non-sorcerer reader!! someone he happened to fall for despite his beliefs#in a scenario like that i think he’d easily slide into yan territory …..#also ive come to the conclusion that i miiiight be moe-fying cult leader!geto a bit too much but i have no plans of stopping !!!#he’s my special little guy <333#i do think that when you look at canon geto he really is just. so soft. he can be cruel but a lot of it is acting imo……#playing the part of his own ideal. etcetc. i see the nanamimi scene + his death scene as the two moments where he’s most Himself#and in both he’s a softie. tender and loving. :( i need to turn him into a smoothie so i can drink him#ask tag ✩
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i just need to ??? about a man
#today i had work coffee w [musician guy]#and we were v profesh/cordial to start#understandably it was awkward-- our first 1:1 convo#in like almost 3 years#and then we were talking about when i was so sick#and he said by the way sry about my dog he loved that died#and i kinda brushed it off like 'yea thank you'#and he got v teary and was like#'no i'm so sorry i'm really so sorry'#so here i am sipping my drink you know#and he's like 'i loved you so much. i was so scared. i'm sorry'#and i said 'it's okay [blond man]'#and i meant it???#and i recognize that this is the bare minimum#and that it took-- again-- almost 3 years#but he was actively hostile towards me for so long#that i feel like now at least we can exist in the same downtown#it was not a super personal convo! we don't need to ever have another super personal convo!#we don't even need to be friends!#but idk idk relief for me to be done with#i didn't even have to mention his wife having my face??#LONG DAY TBH!!!!!#tbd tbd tbd
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Who would’ve guessed that, after getting overwhelmed and crying yesterday, today I would also get overwhelmed and cry! Who knows what tomorrow will bring
#I think I need to eat something I feel not good#I mean I did wake up at 3 am. drink a monster on the way to the airport. take two flights. and have them lose my luggage#maybe I’m entitled to feeling really like shit rn
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forcing myself to "eat protein" and "be responsible" after once again encountering a week long period of all my muscles hurt so bad and are so weak despite doing the same thing they always do assuming without checking that it was probably because im eating mostly coffee and plain untoasted bread in small quantities. and its not even a whey bread or 100% whole wheat, ive been trying to use up my bread flour/whole wheat blend (i dumped them in the bucket together, maybe on accident ? unclear) so its just that with whatever else i threw in. spent $6 on the only yogurt in the store that had at least 5 grams of protein per 1/4 cup, which is still very little, only to get home and finally google what the symptoms of protein deficiency are. they are not that. those are the symptoms of Who Fucking Knows, As Always
#i dont even like yogurt...#god the food situation is so bad#so it turns out i can do one of the following--but badly and it takes more than 100% of my energy and is miserable and untenable long term#and involves injuring myself to do it: school. work. taking care of stuff around the house. taking care of myself.#i can do ONE.#i also dont get to pick because obviously i have to work#so feeding myself (even like making a bowl of cereal or eating a granola bar) is so impossibly difficult that i can only really do it#at night when high and finally able to feel hunger#and even then its still incredibly difficult and i usually get as far as cutting a slice of bread and then giving up and eating it plain#most of the actual meals i eat are because my roommates are usually kind enough to make enough dinner for 3#but i also have very weird and frequently changing dietary needs that i have not communicated 2 anyone so i cant necessarily actually eat i#have cooked some and made sandwiches a few times but its very clear i am borrowing from tomorrows spoons....#i ran out of the ensure a bit ago and i will get more although none of the stores nearby sell it#but i absolutely cannot afford to live off it#have luckily found that if i just drink one in the morning it staves off the majority of the nonstop random nausea attacks#so a 12 pack would last a lot longer but then its like. so now i need to figure out the eating thing again#cant win etc etc#augh. anyway. complaining over#disordered eating#chronic illness
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vent moment but my health is a bit worse than i let on, which is weird ik since it seems like complain about it all the time here, and apparently i also look sick, because two separate people in their 40s or 50s asked me, 24, if i needed their seat on the bus. kind of them. but humiliating nonetheless.
#medical stuff cw#i sat on the steps instead of taking their seat#vent cw#i have to take five different pills a day excluding birth control which i also take for health reasons but okay#i have to thank italy for its healthcare system because at least i dont have to pay a fuckton for all that stuff. except birthcontrol.#as i may have mentioned they found quite a bit of blood in my piss so im getting tested for ✨️cancer✨️#also because i've been having health issues which might be rated#my blood work is all off but i didnt get tested for tumoral cells specifically because i may have 'just' an autoimmune condition#so im on heavy duty antibiotics too now bc i also developed antibiotic resistance last year. anyway.#i need to take those and then they'll test my peepee again but this time they will also test explicitly for tumoral cells#because something is off and my previous blood work didnt point out what exactly#terrible anemia and other slightly-off numbers that however shouldnt be off considering my lifestyle#i eat almost everything. drink plenty of water. exercise. barely smoke. not even drinking anymore. i'm not too fat nor too skinny.#so. some of the numbers that are off dont really have a reason to be off which is why they are testing my blood and piss for cancer#but like. in 3 weeks because i have to take antibiotics and iron meds (not supplements. meds.) first#so my mind's trying to convince itself that i dont have a tumor. but what if i do? i know i dont. but not knowing makes me go insane#also i have to get tested for heart disease because that motherfucker is not working properly. doesnt pump enough blood to my brain.#i took an ekg and it came back pretty normal except for tachycardia#now i have to go get an holter ekg - but was told to wait until uni starts again bc i need that exam to be done when i have a daily routine#so basically they slap electrodes and shit on me for 24 hrs while i go do my shit around the city and then see how my heart behaved#because i cant stand without struggling to breathe and sometimes it happens when in laying down to.#sometimes i cant fall asleep because i cant breathe#at first the doc thought it might be a reflux issue but not. all good on that front.#so. we'll see. and i mean. i KNOW it's not cancer. like. i'd be dead by now bc i've been having these symptoms for five months#however. i dont know if it's not an autoimmune disease. and if it is? what am i gonna do?
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i need help to manage my budget... by help i mean 3 million euro sent directly from heaven i guess
#this is not even about The Economy and Housing Crisis this is like. my life and choices lately lol afjsahfjk let's see:#1. christmas gifts - i don't even know how much i spent on them because i had the flu and wasn't really thinking but let's say 1000 pln#2. trip for new years eve to the mountains - 2200 for hotel and then let's say 300-350 for food and stuff#3. bills like the internet and phone is 90; rent is 1100#4. trip to warsaw 100 hotel 180 food and drinks 200 ?#5. meet and greet with simple plan 800 .... i will never recover sfshdfsj but it was kinda worth it - won't do that again tho#6. groceries since i am back 120#7. and now i need to travel back home and it's like a cumulation because it was my dad's name day + my mom's birthday and their wedding#anniversary adsfhgsdjhsd so i need gifts again i mean i want to buy them something nice i already spent 180 pln but i will buy something#extra for each of them because i kinda want to because we see each other so rarely#8. public transport ticket for another month is 80#9. i will have to pay rent again soon and the internet and phone#10. i have a wedding coming and like 37 concerts#to sum up. i am Fucked <3 but writing it out helped a little ;_;#i will eat concrete and drywall by march <3#personal
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