#they r so lovey dovey behind closed doors

[loverboydotcom]

glimpse into dating beau: annoying

[oizysian]

You should totally write reader being an actor too and being in avengers and her character is a love interest of Natasha but her and Lizzie have been dating forever anyway. So her character has to be in a scene where Scarlett x R are lovey dovey and kissing and she’s a little :( Like she knows it’s the job but also upsets her to see her kissing other women, even if it is a friend that’s Scarlett. After she’s so possessive, she drags her off to the dressing room to claim her🤭

Jealousy, Jealousy | Elizabeth Olsen

Pairings: Elizabeth Olsen x Fem!Reader

Warnings: strap usage, dirty talk, mommy kink

Word count: 1.9k

•

“Kiss me.” I whispered softly, my girlfriend looking deeply into my eyes before gently pressing her lips to mine, mindful of my injury so she didn’t hurt me.

I held her face in my hands and closed my eyes, the soft feel of her lips against mine almost bringing tears to my eyes.

Natasha pulled away and rested her forehead against my own, sighing as she realized this would probably be our last kiss.

“Cut! Beautiful, girls! Absolutely fantastic!”

The cast and crew applauded and Scarlett and I parted, smiling at each other proudly. The scene had been stressful, emotional and draining, but now it was over and it had been completed perfectly.

I looked over at my girlfriend who was watching from the sidelines, looking a little pouty. She was adorable, standing there by herself in her Wanda costume, eyeing us silently.

I made a move to walk over to her when the director caught Scarlett’s and my attention.

“Ladies, we’d like to do scene 22 again, if that’s okay with you both?”

“Sure, that’s fine.” I said, looking towards Scarlett who nodded in agreement.

We went back to our places, Lizzie’s pout deepening as Scarlett got on top of me on the makeshift bed, caressing my face softly.

“And … action!”

“You’ll be okay, I promise.”

“You can’t keep that promise.” I said softly.

“They won’t find you here.”

“They’ll never stop looking for me, Natasha.”

“I’ll kill them all before they touch you.”

“Stop,” I spoke against her lips, inching closer to her. “Just …”

She pressed herself against me, kissing me softly, slipping her tongue into my mouth. I let out a whimper, pulling her down on top of me and grabbing at her greedily.

She began to take off my shirt, kissing my neck as she groped at me.

“Cut! Thank you both! We’re done for today!”

Scarlett handed me back my costume and I smiled in thanks, slipping it back on before getting off of the bed. I rushed over to Elizabeth, excited to be done with filming and would finally be able to spend some time with her.

“Hi, baby.” I said smiling up at her, before realizing she wasn’t smiling back at me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She averted her eyes, looking down at the ground instead of at me.

“Hey,” I said gently, encouraging her to look at me. “Talk to me.”

“Can we talk in my trailer? I really don’t wanna do this in front of everyone.”

“Do what?” I was afraid of her answer.

“Please, just, let’s go.”

She took me by the hand and practically stormed off with me. We made it to my trailer in record time, and I followed in behind her, closing the door behind us.

“What’s going on, Lizzie?”

She turned to face me, her chest heaving, her eyes dark.

“You seemed to really enjoy those scenes you were doing.”

I stared at her blankly, not following her.

“What do you mean?”

“It looked like you had forgotten who you belonged to.”

When her words finally registered in my brain, I flushed a deep red, realizing what she was saying.

“I would never …”

“Are you sure? Because I heard you moan for her.”

“Lizzie, I was just …”

“You were just what, hm, baby?” She approached me slowly, like a cat going after small prey.

“I was acting.” My voice was small, trembling as she pinned me up against the door, caging me in with an arm on either side of me.

“Sounded too real to just be acting.”

“P-please,” I whispered softly. “Lizzie …”

“Please what?”

I could feel her hot breath on my face and I couldn’t help but tremble with need underneath her. She was jealous and it was fucking hot.

“Show me who I belong to.”

“Have you forgotten?”

I shook my head.

She crashed her lips against my own and I melted against her, my mouth opening for her to claim me. She wasted no time in slipping her tongue past my lips and exploring my mouth. I moaned softly, grabbing onto her shoulders and pulling myself up against her.

She pressed her knee between my legs and my breath hitched, pulse racing as my hips moved against her strong thigh.

“Look how needy you are. Is that for me?”

“Yes,” I whined. “Only you.”

“I shouldn’t even touch you, the way you moaned for Scarlett.”

“I-I didn’t.” I whimpered softly, looking up into her eyes desperately.

“Oh no? Shall I ask them to play back the footage?”

“No,” I blushed deeply, knowing she was right. “Don’t do that.”

“Hm.” She put pressure on my core and I let out a whine. “Sounds like you already know what you’ve done.”

“I’m sorry.” I bucked against her and she pulled her leg away from me.

“You know, you’ll have to be punished now, right?”

I nodded, but pouted up at her, hoping to earn some sympathy points with her.

“Use your words, baby.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good girl. Now,” she took my hand and led me over to the couch, sitting down and patting her lap. “Lay down.”

I took a deep breath and laid myself down, my ass propped up on her lap. She ran her hand over the swell of my ass before tugging on my pants and bringing them down to my knees.

“Count.”

She rested her hand on my legs before smacking my ass.

“One!” I cried out.

Another smack.

“Two!” I could feel my tears building up in my eyes.

Another hit, and another and another before I lost count and I cried, grabbing at the pillows underneath me, sobbing into them. My panties were soaked and her hand slipping between my legs to check only made them wetter.

“You liked that, huh?”

“Y-yes, ma’am.”

“You’re completely soaked.”

I was so embarrassed. My hips jerked and my body trembled as she touched me through my panties, featherlike touches that I could just barely feel.

“Poor baby. Do you need me to touch you?”

“Yes!” My voice was muffled by the cushion.

She pulled my panties down my legs, letting them meet my pants and slipped her hand between my thighs, her fingers dipping in my heat.

“You’re wet like this just from getting punished?” I nodded sheepishly. “I should punish you more often.”

“No.” I whined. “I want love and kisses.”

“Is that what you want?”

I nodded again.

“What makes you think you deserve it?”

“I’m a good girl.” I said softly. “I counted just like you asked.”

“You did.” She agreed. “But, you also lost count.”

“That’s because you did too many.”

“I did too many?” She asked with faux sympathy. “Well, how many do you think you deserved?” Her fingers moved inside me and I bit back a moan.

“None.”

“None?” Her quiet voice came out surprised. “I don’t think that’s the right answer.”

“Two?”

She pumped her fingers in and out of me twice before she stopped moving completely.

“That’s it?”

“No, more!”

“No more?” She pulled her fingers out of me and I let out a whimpering cry, my hips bucking towards her.

“No, keep going, please!”

“I’m not sure you deserve it.”

“I do. I’m your good girl.” I wiggled my ass, trying to get her to touch me again. “I’ll be so good for you.”

“I’m sure you will.” She rubbed my ass, sure to be gentle. “Do you wanna suck my cock so I can fuck you, love?”

“Yes.” I sniffled and she helped me stand up.

I kicked off my shoes, pants and panties and went over to her bag, digging around inside for the strap I knew she kept in there for situations just like this. I brought it back over to her and got on my knees, making sure to not put too much pressure on my raw ass. She stood from the couch and slipped herself out of her own costume, dropping it on the floor beside mine and stepped into the harness I was holding out for her to get into. She secured it tightly around her hips, moaning as she sat down and stroked the cock at the apex of her thighs.

“Come here, pretty girl.” She said as she grabbed me gently by the hair, pulling me towards her.

I licked my lips excitedly as I approached her, sticking my tongue out so I could lick the tip of the cock.

“That's right, baby,” she guided my head down so I would take the shaft completely in my mouth. “Take mommy’s cock.”

I tried to relax as I took her into my mouth, breathing out of my nose and closing my eyes as she hit the back of my throat. From the sounds she was making, it was almost as if she could feel what I was doing to her. Her hips were jerking upward towards me and she was moaning softly, her fingers threaded through my hair, gripping at it tightly. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought she was close to release.

“I could cum just from watching that pretty mouth wrap around my cock.”

I squeezed my legs together, another gush of wetness spreading between my thighs. Sometimes I couldn’t believe the things she said to me, she was always so fucking hot.

She pulled me off of her, a trail of saliva went from my lips to the tip of her cock and she groaned at the sight.

“You’re so fucking sexy, baby.” She helped me stand and brought me onto her lap, my legs on either side of her and her cock pressing against my core. “You’re gonna ride me, aren’t you, my pretty girl?”

“Yes, mommy,” I took a deep breath and led her to my heat, taking her slowly. “I’m gonna fuck myself on you.”

She leaned back, watching as I took her inch by delicious inch. She bit her lip and took hold of my hips, guiding me down onto her slowly.

“Look at that hungry pussy.” She said, almost in awe. “Look at how well you take me.”

I braced myself on her shoulders, nails digging into her soft skin, as I fucked her. The coil in my belly tightened as I rolled my hips against her, her hands sliding down from my thighs to my pussy where she played with my clit.

My hips jerked and bucked as she thrust up into me, pulling me down onto her and filling me up with her length. I clenched around her as I came, bringing myself closer to her and capturing her lips with my own, kissing her as I rode out my high.

She kissed me back and slapped my raw ass, making me jerk against her.

“Mommy, I’m gonna cum again.” I whispered against her lips and she smiled.

“Cum for me again, baby. Cum for mommy.”

Almost on command, my body shook with pleasure, and I came against her again. She thrust up into me hard, prolonging my high and milking her cock with my greedy cunt.

“You did so good for me, baby.” She breathed against me, peppering kisses all along my face.

I smiled and nuzzled against her, burying my face in the crook of her neck. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close, still inside me.

“You ready for a nap?” I nodded at her words and she held onto me tightly as she adjusted us on the couch, laying us down and cradling me close.

“Stay inside me.” I said softly and she nodded, closing her eyes and relaxing against me.

I sighed happily, kissing her chin and getting comfortable. Maybe scenes with Scarlett had its advantages.

[grazi-your-rockette-queen]

Hello hello!:D

Just read the nsfw headcanons with Michael Monroe from the anon, and they were cute!🥰

Now, could I request what ,,First time with Michael" would be like?:0 (nsfw)

'Cause I suppose there's also gonna be lots and lots of kisses!:>

See ya!♡

a/n: ofc ofcc lotsa kisses :(( also this is kinda slow burn sorryyyy… and also sorry this took f o r e v e r goddamn! i’m back :3

i was made for lovin’ you- michael monroe

it was another evening spent at the bar of some venue that the band played earlier that day. it was usually a good time, you’d made pretty good friends with the band and you enjoyed showing up to as many of their shows as possible in support of your boyfriend, michael. you’d been dating for a few months now, and you adored him and all his confidence and passion, not to mention his style and good looks.

ever since you’d befriended the band and became a part of the whole music scene in general, life had felt pretty much like a party every day, acomanied by good friends and your wonderful boyfriend. it was just another one of those nights, laughing and getting drunk at the bar. michael was keeping you close to him all night, which was pretty typical, though you thought he was acting a little different, and a little more… touchy. it didn’t bother you, in fact it felt nice to be close with him and have a protective arm around your shoulder casually. but there was a different look in his eyes, something you had never seen in him before, that you didn’t know how to feel about.

you and razzle were talking on and on about whatever, new stuff happening on melrose street, what bands were starting to pop up in different cities. music stuff. michael was quiet, though engaged and listening.

“mike and i saw this poster thing, i think it was yesterda-” you started to tell razzle, but were cut off by a spontaneous kiss on the cheek from michael. he lingered close to your face, eyes hazy when you turned to look at him in confusion.

“mike, are you alright?” you asked, squinting your eyes and cocking your head to the side. he cupped your cheek with his hand, tucking hair behind your ear as he did so.

“i’ve never been better- it’s getting kind of late, don’t you think?” he responded naturally. razzle noticed he was acting out a bit, and he too was confused.

“i guess so… are you ready to leave?” you asked softly. mike smiled at you and took your hand to help you stand up from the bar stool you’d been sitting at.

“i think so.” his words were kind of slurred, and you assumed he was drunk despite you questioning how he hadn’t had very much to drink. you nodded an ‘alright’ and started to wave goodbye to sami, who was having a separate conversation with nasty and some other drunks. because he only lived a couple blocks away, you and michael decided to walk to his place, where he offered to let you stay the night.

mike unlocked the door of his apartment, letting you inside first before stepping into the mildly messy flat and discarding his red leather jacket along with his keys. you slumped onto his couch, as he followed after you and basically had you in his lap.

“michael, what’s with you tonight?” you giggled, holding his head and taking another look into his icy, half lidded blue eyes. he didn’t answer immediately, but wore a straight face aside from a subtle smile and those drunk, lovey-dovey eyes.

“nothing’s wrong, everything’s very right, actually.” he paused to continue admiring your facial features with such focus that made you blush. “there’s just something i’ve been thinking about.”

“and what is that?” you asked, raising your eyebrows and smirking playfully.

“have you ever had sex?” he dove straight to the point, but it was surprisingly comfortable for you. except for the part where you had to answer him honestly.

“well, no, i mean not really…” you trailed off, looking away from his eyes.

“not really?” he chuckled.

“no.” you answered finally, rolling your eyes and blushing once again. he nodded, eyes remaining set on your own. he reacted calmly and without judgement, to your gratefulness.

“well, do you maybe think you’d want to try it with me?” he suddenly changed from the lost in the clouds, goofy smile mike to a shy boy who was slightly more humble. you giggled softly at his proposal, but thought about it for a minute.

“i don’t know what it’s like.” you answered, still giggly about a new feeling that had been brought up in you. he continued to smile sweetly at you.

“i’ll show you- it’ll be beautiful, okay?” he reassured you, not wanting to make you feel pressured but still very much longing for you. you whispered an ‘okay’ after considering the concept further. his smile grew, and he picked you up so you stood from the couch. he held your hands delicately and led you into his bedroom, lying you down on the bed and placing a kiss on your forehead.

“okay, will you undress for me, darling?” he asked while taking out his earrings to place on the nightstand and kicking off his boots. you obliged, carefully removing your shirt and exposing yourself to the cold air, quickly covering yourself with your arms instinctively. michael smiled sweetly.

“you don’t have to be shy, love. i already know that you’re gorgeous, you can’t hide it from me now.” he half-joked, hoping to loosen your tension and encourage you. you smiled and looked away, blushing again. you moved your arms from your chest to unzip your skirt and slide it down one leg and then the other, still nervously. mike pulled his own shirt over his head before unzipping his pants and dropping them to the floor. you couldn’t help but marvel at him, his tattoos accenting his pale skin and figure. he moved closer to sit with you on the bed, his eyes tracing down and across your body eagerly.

“see? stunning.” he tracked his gaze back to your face, landing on your lips and leaning in slowly to kiss you softly. and it felt different than before, more exciting, though scary all at once. your mind raced, feeling michael’s hands travel to your waist, then softly massaging your hips and pulling you into him. the action caused you to gasp, the feeling of him so suddenly close against you heightened that rushing feeling of excitement. you realized that it wasn’t only internal excitement once michael traced his hand suavely down to feel the damp warmth that signified your arousal. you squirmed when he slowly circled over your clit with a single finger, and he chuckled.

“how does that feel?” he whispered softly.

“i want more.” you replied quietly, breathing starting to pick up. he planted a soft kiss on the side of your face and moved his fingers to your entrance, slowly sliding a single finger into the wetness, causing you to gasp.

“alright?” he looked up at you again for approval, which you granted. he started to move his finger in and out of your entrance, watching his finger become coated in your juices. you relaxed into the pillows, moaning at the sensation. he kept pumping one finger steadily for a little while until he pulled away from you, causing your eyes to open and you to look at him in slight confusion.

“i need you bad, angel. are you sure you want to do this?” your eyes scanned his body and face, carefully considering his every word. you nodded, mouth agape and eyes wide and focused. he sunk back down to you, peppering kisses down your neck to your collarbone and a trail down between your breasts. he took his dick out of his only lasting confines, his breathing pattern picking up in speed while he carefully spread your legs and lined himself up the best he could before slowly pushing in just the tip.

“deep breath, okay?” he reminded you in a calm and warm voice, placing another lasting kiss on your chest. you whimpered as he worked his way into you, so careful not to hurt you yet he was evidently burning with passion already. he groaned as he bottomed out, hitting your walls deep inside you and feeling you around him satisfied something he’d been longing for. he didn’t stop checking in with you the whole way through, as he wanted to make you to feel as good as you made him feel.

“oh god, angel, feels so good.” mike groaned softly, praising you as he set a steady pace of thrusting after allowing you to get used to the new feeling of him inside you. as you hummed and let out sighs and moans in an uncontrollable response to the overwhelming sensation, especially once michael found the most sensitive spot deep inside your cunt.

“michael, i think- ah-” you struggled to speak, and cut yourself off with moans as he quickly caught on and continued what he was doing, angling his thrusts slightly upwards, going faster and harder than before but still very carefully.

“are ya close, babe? ah- i feel ya getting tighter around me- ngh” he spoke into your ear, leaning as close to you as he could. you nodded, grabbing onto his hair and accidentally tugging at the roots harder than you intended, earning a loud moan from the man on top of you.

“fuck, honey” he kissed down your jaw, his focus centered on getting you to come. then, an unexpected warmth came to your core and the feeling of michael’s length inside you, pounding at your g spot became almost too much before it became a blissful sensation like you’d never felt before. your head fell back into the pillows, allowing michael access to your neck while you moaned and seized on his cock as you came. michael groaned with you as your orgasm subsided, burying his face in your neck and pulling out of you suddenly to come on your stomach. you ran your fingers through his hair, breathing heavily. he came down from his own high, kissing your collarbone and laying his head on your chest comfortably while you continued combing his hair with your soft fingers.

“sorry about this mess, doll.” he chuckled apologetically, referring to his cum on your stomach. you exhaled and smiled, finally coming back down to earth.

“here, i’ll get you cleaned up.” with another most soft and painstaking kiss to your lips, he got up from the bed to get a towel and make you tea.

[otaku-tactician]

i kinda love the couple dynamic of when a couple is so different to the expectations of lovey dovey couples (dont mind me lovey dovey couples r cute too) that everyone is like "are you guys even dating???" but then behind closed doors and in subtle methods is when they get passionate 🤣🤣🤣 and they r so nonchalant in public. they only get excited over Silley Time in public or are just deadpanning each other with confusing banter lol

[heeracha]

ep 13. / ep 14. — the late night at the flower shop. / ep 15.

buy one, take me. — l. heeseung

synposis: with his best friend asking him for help because said best friend was scared he wasn't "boyfriend material" enough, heeseung looks for flower shops for his best friend's girlfriend. thankfully, jake knows someone from the university who has an aunt that owns a flower shop, you. now, heeseung messages you and shyly, but shamelessly asks if he can get any promos or discounts to which you shamelessly answered him, "buy one, take me". heeseung doesn't pass on this, of course. after all, you are pretty damn cute.

pairing: heeseung x flortist!fem!reader

content/genre: college au, slowburn, fluff, angst and crack, smau.

warning(s): swearing, of course. two idiots aka heey/n. more of sulking heeseung !! unproofread :>

note: i think this is a cute chapter tho :( i like them ngl 😭 see u chap 15 tomorrow <3 also,,,, im actually almost done writing the entire thing

r u busy?

where r u?

you gently place down the flowers on the table, grabbing your phone as you text heeseung back. 

flower shop, why?

it was stated that he read the message, but you don’t see the bubble with three dots and you let him be as you pick up the flowers and continue to arrange it. you cut out the excessive leaves to make it look clean as a few minutes pass by, you hear a soft humming of a car outside and it turns off right away. you hear soft knocks on the glass door and you look up to see heeseung with a sad expression.

you sigh, frowning as you go to him, unlocking the door. heeseung comes in, hugging you by the waist as you take him in your arms. “what’s up?” you ask.

“jaycha.” he mumbles on your neck and you softly laugh to which he rolls his eyes. “don’t let it get to your head, i still think it was lame.” he says and you nod. heeseung pulls away and you lock the door behind him. 

“so, wanna tell me what happened?” you ask, walking back to the table as you continue to arrange the flowers you have. once done, you put it away and wait for it to be picked up.

“we decided to watch a movie,” heeseung says. “i reluctantly said yes because if i say no, it might be suspicious because it’s been weeks and i keep declining their invitations to hang out with them. but in the middle of the movie, they were being lovey-dovey, and just, you know? gross.”

“gross because it’s not you.” you say and heeseung looks at you with no expression because he knows you’re right. you shrug and heeseung sighs.

“you had dinner yet?” he asks and you shake your head. “wanna go out?”

“i still have to wait for this to be picked up.” you say, pointing at the bouquet you just finished arranging. 

“i thought you’re already closed,” heeseung says.

“yeah, but… they want to pick it up and i’m still here, nothing to do, so why not?” you say and heeseung nods. 

“so, how did you learn to arrange them?” he asks.

“ever since i was five or six, i’m always here watching my aunt arrange and then she noticed how i always watch so she taught me.” you say, shrugging. “i think when we graduate, i can stay here for a year to work and then, i don’t know.”

heeseung nods. “do you… want to?” you softly ask and he looks at you.

“learn how to arrange?” he asks and you shrug, nodding. “yeah, teach me while we wait for your customer.” he says and you hum.

“any color you want?” you ask.

“purple,” he answers right away and you nod, grabbing some purple flowers and some white ones to compliment it. you put it on the table and heeseung smiles enthusiastically as you explain how to do so. but of course, heeseung was a little stubborn so he would go against your word and put the flowers anywhere he thought would look good. when it was done, you cross your arms on your chest, looking at it as heeseung grins. it wasn’t symmetrical, some were almost falling off, it was just really messy. “give me a break, it’s my first time.” he says as he taps the florette of a daisy.

you softly push his hand. “hey, the flower’s going to be sad,” you softly say, which made heeseung smile even wider. “if you did what i told you to do, it wouldn’t look like a preschooler did it, which i bet would have done better than you.” you say and heeseung laughs, softly bumping his hip with yours. you hear a knock and you turn around to see a man in a suit. you ran to the door, unlocking it and running back to the counter.

“please tell me that’s not mine.” he says, pointing at heeseung’s flower arrangement. you softly smile, shaking your head as you hold out the flowers he arranged. he paid for it, greeting you and heeseung a good night as he leaves. you look at heeseung who has a small pout, resisting his laughter.

“don’t worry,” you softly say. “i’d buy it, as long lee heeseung was the one who arranged it.” you wink and he laughs, shaking his head. “ae-cha would buy them.”

heeseung shakes his head. “not when jay’s there. no.” he softly says and you open your arms as he takes in your comfort with no hesitation.

au taglist [open]: @jongsaengseong @fairybangtan @viagumi @nyfwyeonjun @msxflower @cyuuupid @pluviophilefangirl @denyelee @tomorrowbymoa-together @sophhloaff @duolingofanaccount @precioussoulofmine @lhsng @deeznutsriki @starzvrse @atrirose @aalwaysreading @yabukkura @artstaeh @rrinsluvr @j4d @taeyongslilkitty @andii711 @markleepooh @poipoi01 @enhasengene @jjongsha @hannabugblog @raimbows4u @calumsfringe @kunhye @sodafy @skyvwonie @wtfhyuck @sungookie @leeis @kimmchijjajang @tnyhees @fadingera @lost-leopard-beanie @sonjuyeonnie @sim-kissed @vantxx95 @xyxlyn @harperwasstaken1 @maybee-may @liliansun @heeliopheelia @nomurahayami @ang3lpxtch @renaishun @cupidrwm @ckline35

[minjunz]

could you do the fluff alphabet with haechan pls?

(finally a post i’m so sorry for the wait aaah!!!)

i had to google this bc i didn’t know it was a thing 😭 cr to @/snk-warriors

EDIT: I ACTUALLY CANT BELIEVE I JUST COMPLETELY MISREAD HAECHAN IM SO SORRY ILL TRY TO GET AN ACTUAL HAECHAN VERSION OUT AS SOON AS I CAN

fluff alphabet with jaemin! (gn reader)

A ctivities - jaemin likes to spend most of his time with you indoors lazing around - watching movies, sleeping, playing games together etc just being soft and cozy.

B eauty - he thinks everything about you is perfect. literally everything.

C omfort - i think he would try his best to offer you words of comfort and gentle touches, probably trying not to overwhelm you

D reams - you’re his everything so he wants to grow old with you and a cat. he’s already got his pension planned out im sure he can picture you in his future

E qual - jaemin can be whatever you need in a relationship. if you’re more dominant he’ll be more passive, if you’re more passive he can be more dominant. (i don’t really know what this one means)

F ight - any and all fights with jaemin are resolved in the same day. he hates being mad at you and hates when you’re mad at him.

G ratitude - he’ll thank you for everything you do, no matter how small. he’ll make a big show of thanking you for something like making him a cup of coffee or brushing his hair. he appreciates you so much and needs you to know it.

H onesty - he’s completely honest and transparent with you but sometimes it’s hard for you to tell what’s the actual truth and what’s a joke.

I nspiration - you both made each other better people. that’s all

J ealousy - he doesn’t get jealous easily but when he does you’ll know it. he’ll be extra clingy and pouty unless you show him he’s your one and only

K iss - jaemin is a good kisser i just know it. he can be sweet and gentle or passionate and intimate, a versatile kisser if you will

L ove Confession - he never actually confessed to you, you both just started being lovey dovey and went with it

M arriage - he definitely wants to marry you someday, but he’ll wait a million years if you’re not ready yet

N icknames - i think he would call you things like “sweetheart” and “darling” ironically to make you cringe, but he actually mostly calls you “babe”

O n Cloud Nine - he’s clingy and touchy with everyone so it was a little hard for others to realise you two were dating at first, but the long gazes and smiles while your back was turned gave it away. he’s not especially romantic but he does a lot of little things that he wouldn’t do for his friends behind closed doors. he’s smitten with you even if you can’t tell.

P DA - he doesn’t really care too much to brag about you or show you off, but he likes to embarrass you by kissing your cheek or your neck in front of your friends. he also always has to have his hand somewhere on you just to make himself feel comfortable.

Q uirk - jaemin has some kind of sixth sense that always knows when you’re hungry. as soon as you even think about eating, he’s coming out of the kitchen with food or picking up his keys to take you out

R omance - i don’t think he’d do anything super cringey like spelling your name in rose petals (he’s not mark) but he definitely makes an effort to show you how much he loves you

S upport - he will literally always support you no matter what you choose to do with your life

T hrill - jaemin prefers the safety of familiarity, he’s not too keen on constantly spicing things up

U nderstanding - he probably knows you better than you know yourself, and he always hears you out when you have a defence

V alue - you’re the most important thing in his life. end of.

W ild Card - he impulsively buys every cute thing he sees that reminds him of you. he’s running out of space to put them all.

X OXO - jaemin LOVES kissing you and cuddling you. he can’t go a day without holding you and refuses to go to sleep if you’re not in his arms

Y earning - if he’s away for a while he’ll message you every day to make sure you’re eating, call you every night to tell you he loves you, and send you “i miss you” texts every morning. the poor man can’t cope without you.

Z eal - he would put his life and aspirations on hold for you if he needed to.

[infernalodie]

𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐌𝐀 || 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡

“𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘢 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘖𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵, 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘛𝘳𝘺𝘯𝘢 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘯𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘐'𝘮 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥“

Inspo: PARTYNEXTDOOR - TRAUMA

Pairing: Billie Eilish x Black!Male!reader

Summary: If you’d known your song about your break up would’ve skyrocketed as much as it did, maybe you wouldn’t had made it. But tonight was making you regret ever considering it an idea.

Warnings: Just angst

Words 1617

What was the most heartbreaking thing about your breakup? It might’ve been the fact that, as it was, you were breaking up with the girl of your dream. Disconnecting and going your separate ways when you once thought that there might’ve been a chance to have something stronger in the long run. And something like that was rare to find, so it could only be painful to lose it.

But there was also the fact that past all of the lovey-dovey energy and sex, you had lost a friend. Because at the start, it hadn’t been instant romance. Billie had been one of your friends since you came into the industry and she was one of the people that had inspired and motivated you to keep going. Before it all, she was your best friend, but that’s all gone now.

Now, you were left with your loins to cope with it the best you could, and that was music. Since your and Billie’s relationship hadn’t been public of how well the both of you kept it hidden, a lot of people speculated who you were talking about in your song. With the addition of it being an R&B hit, it skyrocketed to number 1 on the Hot Billboard charts. Gifting you a crazy amount of income and stardom you hadn’t had prior. Celebrities were promoting your song just by their admiration of the track, only furthering your reputation and chance to finally prove yourself to be one of the best artists of your generation.

And tonight was your first big interview with Jimmy Fallon. A fantastic opportunity that shook you to your core from the guest who was on stage as well. Eyes wide and the faintest tremble of your hands that sat stiffly at your sides. Billie.

Perhaps if you’d known ahead of time that she would be here, you might’ve backed out on the interview. Made up some shitty excuse or done it from home. But your manager said otherwise, so here you were. Nervous as fuck to face the girl who broke up with you because of how different things were going for either of you.

At that time, you could understand where she was coming from. She didn’t want you to look up to her as the better person in the relationship, whilst you were still on your come-up. Or to even fight about the fact that she was selling more records or getting more streams than you should. That had never been a problem, but she must’ve wanted to nip it in the butt before it could’ve happened. But you understood where she was coming from and respected her decision. Although, it didn’t make the separation any easier than it should’ve.

But tonight, you had brushed away your heartbreak and just be here for what you came here for. Getting this interview done and not making eye contact with Billie was the primary goals. You kept them in mind as one of the backstage people guided you towards the entrance leading out to the stage. The crowd could be heard faintly behind the brick walling that lined every hall you walked down as you slowly got closer and closer.

Eventually standing just beyond the sliding door leading onstage, you inhaled deeply. Closing your eyes as you could hear the crowd laugh at something Fallon had said. “But tonight, we have another important guest joining us,” he began. “After the recent release of his album ‘PartyMobile’ and his break-out song ‘TRAUMA’, please welcome, Y/n Y/L/N!”

The doors slid open with you being revealed, smiling widely and waving to the crowd. But the instant you looked towards the stage, your eyes caught Billie’s and you felt your heart stop for a moment.

Fuck.

She looked as beautiful as the day she ended things. The smallest differences were that she had blonde hair now and she was more comfortable with her body. It didn’t even look like the fame had gotten to her since the last time you saw her which was when she dropped her first album. You’d been keeping a watchful eye and keeping in contact with Finneas.

Nonetheless, it was great to see her despite past troubles. So, as you walked up on stage, she stood to her feet. You greeted her with a hug and quickly noticed the perfume she wore was her brand. A heavenly scent made for a heavenly girl.

“It's good to see you.” You muttered.

“You too.” She let go, giving you a friendly smile. Although the both of you ended things on good terms, that smile haunted you in your darkest dreams.

After shaking hands with Jimmy, you sat down beside Billie. Hyper aware of how close the two of you were. But you did your best to focus on what Jimmy had to say to you and all the questions he asked.

“So, your song made it to number 1 on the charts and your album is slowly breaking records,” Jimmy said. “How does it feel?”

You sighed, running your hand through your dreads. Glancing at Billie who’d been staring at the ring wrapped around your caramel finger. Lips slightly parted at the fact that you still wore it. After a whole year of being apart, you still wore it even now.

Looking away, you shook your head with a breathy laugh. “Well, it's unreal,” you started. “I’m grateful for all the love and support I have received from the world. I just think of it as moving onto the next thing and trying to capture that same evolution for music.”

Jimmy hummed, looking past you and towards Billie. “Billie have you heard the album?”

The blonde blinked quickly, snapping herself free from her thoughts and smiled with a nod. “I have.” She turned to you. “Really beautiful, honestly.”

You smiled, giving a nod in thanks before looking back at Jimmy. “So, would it be overstepping if I said a lot of this album talks about your prior relationships and such?”

“Um, no, I wouldn’t say that would be overstepping,” you reassured. “In the making of the album, a lot of the songs are about my most recent relationship and all the feelings I had been experiencing during it. Its probably the most vulnerable I have been in my music ever.”

“Which is a great transition into your song, Trauma.” You internally groaned. Did you have to talk about this in front of the girl it’s based on? “You don’t have to tell us who it’s about, but would you be willing to explain it a bit?”

Sighing heavily, you nodded. “Yea’, sure,” you cleared your throat before you waved your hand. “Well, I should say that this girl and I aren’t on bad terms or anything. We ended things in a healthy manner and I still love her to this day. Life is stressful, you know what I mean? It's not that unique.”

“And a lot of people have said that this song is connected to you going offline for a while,” Jimmy said. “But a lot of people like to live vicariously through the lives of others and know the in and outs of people's lives. So, the internet is the playground for a lot of people to speculate on who this person was that you dated and trying to piece together everything like an evidence board.”

You nodded, eyes squinted as you motioned to him. “Yea’, that’s the strange thing about it because it’s not as deep as people want it to be, you know?” You said. “I was - and still am - in love with somebody. We were together for 3 years. We worked through good times, bad times, stress, and everything else. And then it came to an end and we both moved on, you know? And it's that simple.”

“But that’s the problem with a lot of this generation.” Billie’s voice got your attention instantly, turning to look at the girl, who greeted you with a shaky smile. You could see through those ocean eyes that there was some semblance of sadness and possibly regret and longing. “We all, as a species want to make things up to be bigger than they actually are. So, I totally understand what you mean when you say that.”

It felt so weird, yet so comforting able to talk about how you’ve been feeling about yourself and how you felt in the relationship with Billie whilst she sat beside you. Because a lot of your friends and management didn’t even know about your relationship with her. It was a secret only meant for you and Billie, and in some way, that was what made it special. You two hadn’t needed to worry about others leaking anything when it was just you and her building and maintaining a relationship that would stay with you for the longest of times.

“But, like, I am happy for her and moving forward with her life - as I am sure she feels the same with me,” you said. “She taught me how to love and express myself without feeling the judgement of others or not caring what others thought. So, to answer your question, this song is just about how it felt after the breakup. How I didn’t just lose a lover, but I lost my best friend in the grand scheme of things.”

Jimmy nodded, taking your answer as you sat and listened for the rest of the interview. But the entire time, you could feel Billie’s eyes focused on the back of your head. And you could still feel the longing for her. She was the trauma that you couldn’t let go of.

[spilledkauffie]

NSFW Alphabet • Zemo

List made by @caitlinpotter || whooooo boy

*xFemale!Reader || SFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Super, super sweet!—he’s lovey dovey the moment you hit your final orgasm, rough kisses turn to gentle, featherlike, kisses across your quivering skin as you work through the final wave of ecstasy. He strokes his fingertips down your tense abdomen, feeling the subtle shake traveling through your body in the final moments of your orgasm.

Afterwards—he hoarsely asks if you’re okay, caressing your cheek, as you lay next to him breathless. There’s a soft smile across his lips, as you close your eyes, swallowing, to gather yourself, before smiling. He presses a kiss to your forehead as you snuggle up against his side, resting your head on his bicep.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Loves your legs and back— you wear anything that significantly reveals either and it’s already on his mind. He loves how the curve of your back fits perfectly against his palm when you arch it, especially when you’re straddling his lap. During foreplay, he always kisses a trail along the inside of your thigh, with his hand either caressing your calf or stroking along the outside of your leg. 

Lips— he loves your lips, sometimes when you’re talking or venting, on a roll about something, you’ll find him just staring at your lips. He is notorious for open mouth kisses, out of nowhere just kissing you, sometimes whilst you’re talking, but mostly when you just don’t expect it. 

As for himself, he’s probably say his hands, so he can feel you and mouth, cause he could kiss you all day long.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Together— you don’t know how but somehow he knows how to get you both there at the same time. Your breath starts to hitch as you squeeze your legs against him. You hear him whisper a few curses and feel him grip your hips a little rougher, keeping you in place, as you both cum.

On other occasions or positions— seeing it drip down the arch of your back is insanely attractive, as he dips to breathlessly kiss between your shoulder blades.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Loves being cuffed— there’s something about the metal, feel and sound. Plus he loves the challenge of feeling you up whilst in handcuffs, a lot of times he’ll bring his hands to the back of your neck, pulling the cuff links tight against the nape of your neck, bringing you and holding you deep into a kiss.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Obviously, yes, he’s had experience— he absolutely knows what he’s doing, in fact he’s the only one who’s been able to get you on a new level of pleasure via him just knowing what he was doing. When you asked him how he knew where to hit, he lifts an eyebrows and simply replies “I have experience.”

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

He’s really game for it all— whatever you’re comfortable with, he’s comfortable with. That means if halfway through you want to switch, he’s good with that.

Anything with you beneath him, chest to chest; he really does love absolutely making out while fucking you, so a lot of face to face works best for that— your knees pressing against his sides, your nails slowly scratching across his back, him giving fresh hickeys to your neck, and hands exploring your body while he slips his tongue in your mouth.

Tabletop— could literally be on a table, counter, or just the edge of the bed. Either way, you’re clinging to the surface’s edge, trying to keep yourself positioned at the very edge for him, (in bed, the bed posts can help), his fingertips are leaving bruises against your hips or his hand is wrapped around the ankle you have resting up against his shoulder, he presses kisses against the inside of your ankle as he fucks you.

 Doggy style—he loves the beautiful curve of your back so what better than fully seeing it. He presses his thumbs against the small of your back, and typically has a hand stroking up and down your spine.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

It’s definitely more serious, but it’s also always fun and extremely satisfying— his charm allows him to swoon you, keeping it a heated and romantic setting, but he can’t help but chuckle in between kisses to your skin when your jaw drops and your take a breath staggering gasp, clinging onto him, feeling things you’ve never felt before.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Literally perfect— he’s surprisingly good at knowing how you want it based on your actions leading up to the moment. He knows if you want it more rough and kinky, or if you just want to feel adored like a princess, made to feel good.

Accent— you love hearing him say anything in that gorgeous accent and he knows it, thus he sweet talks you, getting you closer and closer to your orgasm.

He checks in on you— the occasional “doing okay, Darling?”, “use your words, tell me, princess,” and “I’ve got you, just ride it out,” make it very personal and sweet amidst it.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Not really a thing with him, if he wants it he’s going to wait, he loooves sexual tension/anticipation, it makes the sex 10x better. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Temperature play—ice. He loves watching your skin shiver as he trails a path across your body with an ice cube. Also, he’ll kiss you and have a sliver of ice in his mouth, sliding it against your bottom lip with his tongue.

Handcuffs— either way (see D), it’s the challenge for him, and the look of them and you that he loves so much. Also loves the feeling of them against him when you’re clinging on to him.

Has a bit of a kink for you being the only one undressed— this is where you just rolling your hips down on him hard, holding close with two fingers behind his belt buckle comes in. Also, thigh riding, he loves to see you get yourself there, only occasionally helping out, loving how desperate you are for his attention, physically.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Bedroom— it’s the atmosphere of the room that’s amazing, it’s intimate, silk sheets, candles, old wooden bed frame posts that have bruised your back from being pushed against. He likes to see your skin glow in the candlelight with a slight shimmer from the sweat you’re breaking together

Cars— those classic cars have had a Titanic moment or two. It’s extremely intimate, and the sound of your breaths, moans, and screams sound great in a tightly contained area. 

Shower— warm water cascading down your body, keeping you nice and wet in every way. The shower’s obviously lavish and has plenty of room, plus glass walls.

↳ similarly, bathroom countertop sex— with the room still humid and hot, you’re set atop the cool counter’s surface, back pressing against the mirror as you hang on to the edge or the faucet head for some grounding.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing you undress— watching you slip of out a dress, casually pull a sweatshirt over your head, shimmying out of your jeans, etc. he just loves seeing more and more of your skin slowly become exposed. Which makes changing in the morning a longer process than need be.

Kisses— making out with him enough will get him pretty turned on, French kisses, love bite kisses, soft and sweet, really enough of anything and you’ll find you finally have a little control when you pull back and he leans in, not wanting to break the kiss.

You in his clothes— dress shirts, sweatshirts, his jacket, you name it, he likes to see you wearing his things.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Nothing demeaning— he wants to make you feel worshiped, perfect, and on cloud nine, so it’s a no go to the exact opposite

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Giving— for starters he likes to have the leverage in situations and you at the mercy of his mouth counts. He’s phenomenal at completely and totally getting you all the way there with just his mouth. His hands are always either holding your hips down, or stroking along your legs, outside, inside, caressing your calf etc. 

↳ when you try to close your legs, he easily pushes the inside of your knee back out again, with a chuckle you can feel vibrating against your clit.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Two types: slow, sensual, and deep & hard, dominant, and passionate 

↳ slow, sensual, and deep: it’s extremely romantic and makes you feel adored, he takes time to get every sense awake in your body before giving you what, by that point, you desperately want. And when he does it’s almost instantly met by you softly sighing with a smile, “right there, baby,” as you flutter your eyes closed, lips parting.

↳ hard, dominant, and passionate— he’s fucking you like he hasn’t seen you in years. It’s a little rough, sometimes kinky, very dominant sex. You have some seriously intense, pupils blown with pleasure, screaming orgasms that leave you shaking, not to mention unable to walk straight. Typically includes multiple orgasms for you.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He’s not opposed to them at all, the amount of time doesn’t determine the quality with him.

For example: you’ve definitely fucked in a club bathroom before (these are nice, fancy clubs)— already making out you pull him into the room and he kicks the door shut, locking it. Setting you on top of the counter roughly, you get at it. Desperately holding onto the edge of the countertop as he fucks you, kissing your neck and holding your hips in place.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Not particularly— if there’s any shake up you want to try or add, you definitely talk about it first, having a comfortable atmosphere during sex is always important to him so you can feel safe and boundaries are set.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Not including teasing / oral, typically two— and those are two very intense rounds, it’s not a quickie. Proper sex with him lasts a good while, so brace yourself if you make it to a third round. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

A whole lot— it’s exactly that, unfair. With how much he teases you, you’ll be dripping wet before your clothes are even entirely off.

Playing hard to get— oh yes, he plays that game with you, if you’re trying to subtly come on to him, he’ll act like he has no idea what you’re trying to imply, making you more frustrated and him happier seeing you want it so bad but trying to counter his calmness.

Leaving you to think about it— he’ll start the foreplay, but then in the middle tell you that he’s needed elsewhere, leaving you to think about what he had started all day long, this usually results in you wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him deeply the instant he walks back through the door

At events— typically well behaved, unless it’s completely boring. He’s had his hand under the table and up your skirt/dress more than once though, quickly pulling away when you were almost there. This is when sex when you’re barely through the front door happens.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s personally relatively quiet— usually it’s because his mouth his preoccupied with bruising and musing your skin, but in between there’s throaty breaths and sweet nothing whispered.

Prefers to hear you— seriously, he loves hearing every whine, moan, whimper, scream, breath, gasp, and giggle you make.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

Plenty to be satisfied by— above average, but he’s not the guy to talk about it. If you have the pleasure of knowing, then you know full good and well.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It’s pretty damn high— he just really really knows how to hide it until it’s the exact moment. He has a lot of sexual charisma without even trying, yet he typically remains totally calm about it until you’re the first one to take action, asking or physically.

HOWEVER— there are days where you’re headed out the door, and he catches a glimpse of your cute outfit. As you’re saying goodbye he catches you gently by the wrist and starts walking with you towards the bedroom “Baron,” you giggle, tossing your head back and following his lead, “I’m going to be late.” Catching up with him at the door, he wraps his arms around you, pulling you close, “you’re not going to be late,” he caressed your cheek, “you’re going to be altogether absent.”

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

You definitely fall asleep first— he likes watching you fall asleep afterwards, his fingertips still ghosting across your skin, as you make sure to keep yourself close to him. 

[parvulous-writings]

Karl Heisenberg // SFW alphabet

Request: So there was no actual request, I just knew this would cheer up my closest friend. 

Dedicated to: @rey-is-not-a-skywalker

Summary: A sfw A-Z for Karl Heisenberg, from Resident Evil Village!

Warnings: Explicit language

Notes: Please, have some Soft!Heisenberg, bor. It’s one of the many, many things you deserve.  To those who have requested oneshots- I am working on them, please be patient! My requests are currently open! My pinned post (found here) contains both a list of characters I write for, and a masterlist!

Not my gif

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) 

He’s never affectionate publicly. Behind closed doors, though- well maybe he’s not your stereotypical lovey-dovey type, but hey-ho, he shows it in his own little way. A few hugs, but mostly through making you things. Music boxes, little figures and robots that wind up, you name it, he’ll try and make it. 

B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

He’s not a friendly man, typically. He’s cold, and driven only by his motives. It takes a long time for him to warm up to you, but when he eventually does he is always by your side, whenever you should need him. Be it for violence, or for an ear to pour your thoughts into- even though half the time you swear he’s not listening completely. 

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Heisenberg likes warm cuddles above all others. The kind where he can pull you close and hold you there for a while- he likes feeling you against his chest. It’s comforting to him, after years of no affection and a torturous living experience. 

D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, ect?)

Karl is not particularly skilled in any domestic skill. He’s very mediocre at cooking, and he can’t clean to save his life- his factory is littered with dust and other probably very harmful particles. He isn’t very good in a domestic environment at all, really. 

E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Blunter than a broken pencil I’m afraid. He’s never had to hide something from you in the past, so why should this be any different? He would not want to beat around the bush here, he’d annoy himself with pleasantries and euphemisms. 

F - Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? Do they wanna get married?)

He’s perfectly fine staying as partners, without marriage looming over the pair of you. Quite frankly, he doesn’t think it’s worth it.  “A piece of damn paper to show someone your fucking devotion? Bullshit.” 

G - Gentle (How gentle are they both physically and emotionally?)

Unless you’re shaking like a leaf or have specifically asked him to be gentle with or around you, he’s not going to be. He’ll treat you much how he treats most others- with a little bit of affection for zest and flavour every now and then. 

H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it, and what are they like?)

While he likes cuddles, he isn’t a huge fan of hugs. He thinks they’re too short to show any real affection, and often get in the way of whatever task the recipient is trying to perform.  

I - I Love You (How fast do they say the “love” word?)

S l o w l y. This man has gone through some stuff, and doesn’t want to get attached to people despite falling for you. Give him a chance. 

J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What are they like when jealous?)

Okay so he may be “non-committal” in a loose sense of the term, but this man is one jealous motherfucker. And he gets angry. I’m talking  punching the wall, lashing out and breaking shit kind of angry. It’s mostly because of a nagging fear that not only will he lose you to someone you think is better or less monstrous than he is, but also in part due to a feeling that because of what he was forced to become, he isn’t good enough to keep you for himself. 

K - Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He kisses you on your hands or neck mostly. Those are his favourite places to kiss you. He occasionally kisses you on the inside of your wrist. If you have any scars as well, he’ll kiss them. 

L - Little Ones (How are they around kids?)

It depends. Sometimes he’s the perfect uncle figure, others he’s a whirlwind of rage. If you’re taking him to see some children for a prolonged amount of time, please check how he’s acting and feeling on the day so there isn’t some sort of horrific accident. 

M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?)

There’s nothing special about them, he’s usually up long before you are. He doesn’t leave anything like a hot beverage behind, unless it’s a special occasion that he’s remembered- like a birthday or anniversary. 

N - Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

He often tells you to go to bed before him, as he’s usually working on something, and would rather not have to worry about you being down in his factory and workshop. 

O - Open (When do they open up about themselves?)

When he’s extremely angry. He gets riled up, then will start to spill facts and secrets while hardly even realising it. 

P - Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He has a very short fuse and a violent temper, to say the least. There’s a reason the man swears so much. Though he will often apologise if he’s scared you after an outburst. 

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you?)

He remembers the basic things at the very least- Your name, your habits on eating and drinking, what you do to amuse yourself. He’s quite observant, actually. 

R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?)

He made you a small music box once. The past part of his day, or his entire week, was seeing your smile as you opened it and listened to it for the first time. It was the widest he’d ever seen you smile, and he loved the feeling it gave him. 

S - Security (How protective are they?)

Very. One particular other Lord- “Lady Super-Sized Bitch,” as Heisenberg has dubbed her- is very interested in your presence, and Heisenberg has made it very much his business to keep you practically under lock and key to keep you safe. And when Ethan Winters comes around? Ooh, boy. You ain’t leaving his sight. 

T - Try (How much effort do they put in?)

He does try- through making trinkets and gadgets to both help you and show his affection. Sometimes it may not always seem that way though, with his outbursts and his tantrums. 

U - Ugly (What are their bad habits?)

He smokes. You tried to get him to quit once, then stopped when you realised it made him more irritable. 

V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s not that concerned. If he’s still kicking... Well that’s all that matters to him. 

W - Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’d feel that something’s wrong, something’s not right- a cog missing from a machine, in a sense. And he hates that feeling. 

X - Xtra (Random HC)

This man would die for some ice-cream. You bring him a tub of the stuff- BAM, instant good mood for the next like two days. 

Y - Yuck (Things they don’t like either in general or a partner?)

This man is not fussy, in the slightest. 

Z - Zzz (Sleep habits)

He basically doesn’t, he gets so little it’s a wonder he can actually function normally. 

[midnightlee25]

Yandere ABC: Sayaka Maizono

A Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

She can be very affectionate, not holding back too much in public while also being very lovey dovey behind closed doors.

B Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Mostly of the time she gets someone else to do it for her but she's not afraid to get her own hands dirty.

C Cruelty: How would they treat their darling?

She treats her darling very well being very protective and loving towards them as if they could do no wrong in her eyes.

D Delusional: How aware are they?

It's half and half, still aware enough to know that if she does something wrong, she could lose you forever but being delusional enough to believe what she does (no matter how horrible.) Isn't wrong at all.

E Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

As time goes on, she will begin to be more vulnerable but in the beginning she doesn't show too much vulnerability.

F Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

She would get a bit frustrated but she knows how to calm you down with the right words and acts.

H Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience?

When she finally does snap, giving in completely to her delusions doing whatever it takes to have you with her. Even if it means tainting her imagine

I Ideals: What is their plan for the future?

She wants to make a life with her darling. Doing her career with her darling by her side is all she could ever hope for.

J Jealousy: How jealous are they when it comes to their darling?

She gets very jealous fairly easily, she doesn't like when your attention is on something or someone else for long periods of time. She wants you all to herself not caring how selfish and unrealistic that Is.

K Knowledgeable: How much would they try to learn about their darling?

Everything, which is one of the many reasons why she would try her hardest to be as close to you as possible.  

L Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

She would be sweet as pie, always giving compliments, little gifts, spending all her free time with her darlings.

M Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Like said before when her darling is around, she is sugar, spice and everything nice having her full attention on them. However, when her darling isn't around, she acts a bit colder unless she can see that she can use that person.

N Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

There aren't any physical punishments but she would play with your mind, making you feel guilty for whatever it was you did that she felt hurt by.

O Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

She would twist her darling's mind until her darling won't know who to believe anymore.

P Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

She is very patient with her darling letting them take their time while giving gentle praise.

Q Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

She would be heartbroken, desperate to get her darling back in her arms.

R Regret: Would they feel guilty? Would they let go?

She won't feel guilty about anything that she does.

S Stigma: What brought about this side of them?

There was this warmth and softness when she first met her darling that started to grow to the point where she never wanted it to go away so she never wanted to leave her darling.  

T Tears: How do they feel about their darling crying, screaming, and/or throwing a tantrum?

It makes her heart ache seeing her darling cry so she'll do everything in her power to make them feel better.  

U Unique: Does anything make them different from the classic yandere?

There's nothing that makes her too different from other yanderes.

V Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Her love that she has for her darling, of course with her messing with her darling minds she trusts them because she believes that she has them in the palm of her hand which in turn her darling could use this to their advantage.

W Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Not physically but mentally it's not going to be a fun ride.  

X Xoanon: How much would they worship their darling?

With her infatuation with her darling it would be pretty high but worship is a strong would to use.

Y Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

It doesn't take her long to snap but it would still be longer than most yanderes.

Z Zeal: How passionate would they be? Would they be passionate enough to break their darling?

Passionate and manipulation is what would break her darling.

[bruh-haikyuu]

REQUEST: Before I ask can I just say HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR BLOG SJSGSGWJIWND THIS IS THE BEST HAIKYUU BLOG IVE EVER SEEN 💕💕ok but can I request tsukki and oikawa where whenever they’re around their s/o they get all lovey dovey and the team sees it for the first time and freaks out (probably teases them) and s/o gets really red? Sorry it’s so long I just love this-💕🥺

A/N: Thank you soo much anon!! I’m glad you enjoy my writing :DD Also. RAS in Bandori. I’m gonna go “DAKARA LONELY LONELY” for a week.

A (Not-So) Secret Rendezvous w/ Tsukishima and Oikawa

warnings: none

Tsukishima Kei

Tsukishima Kei was a reserved man. A man without frills or laces. A man who doesn’t mince his words. A simple man who was a bit more of a piece of work than other first years. And that was what people fathomed out of him—

Until this.

“Crouch down, Ryuu, I want to see!”

Scuffling behind him, Karasuno’s libero craned his neck over the curve of the stucco walls. Nishinoya squinted at the private spectacle then gasped theatrically.

Standing too closely together to be modest were the seemingly pensive Tsukishima and you. Someone cute who either had the confidence or the lack of distaste to be holding his hands with a buddy-buddy swing. But you were smiling, and he was smiling, and that itself was like the world had suddenly decided to do a handstand.

“Kei-kun, are you sure it’s fine to be holding hands here? You only ever want to get close to me when we’re far away from school,” you muttered.

Kei-kun! the nickname etched itself into the second years’ beings. Did this brute put mind tricks on you or something? Tanaka felt veins popping out from his knuckles—what the hell did you see in this bespectacled jerk?! Aside from his annoyingly handsome face, once Tsukishima opened his mouth, everything was over.

Shaking his head, the man in question pulled the tips of your fingers towards his lips, gently kissing them. “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you for so long. I hope you’ll forgive me.”

You gave him a toothy smile, enough to make the hearts of both your lover and your spectators melt. “‘Don’t mind’! That’s what you say in volleyball, right? As long as we can spend some time together like this once in a while, then I’m happy.”

Your boyfriend thought that it was plain luck that you were in school. If it were any place else... away from the prying eyes of his seniors and his clubmates, then who could tell how much longer he’d be able to hold himself back from you? Hiding his obvious blush behind the back of his hands, the quiet middle blocker looked away.

“Geez, you should be careful what you say to me, you know,” he murmured.

Meanwhile, you still hadn’t realized that your audience had multiplied. From the two zestful second-years who’d been passing by, to the two third years Asahi and Sugawara who’d gone out of their way to look for their juniors.

“Ehh... Tsukishima, that’s so cute,” Sugawara cooed, pressing down on Tanaka’s shaved head for leverage. “It’s like a panel from a shoujo manga.”

Hinata stuck out his tongue. “That’s gross...”

“Oi, Hinata, dumbass! You’re stepping on my foot!”

“Hey, you two... don’t fight, okay? W-whoa—!”

“Aaah?!”

Losing their footing altogether, the boys of the Karasuno Volleyball Club came tumbling on top of each other like dominos. Groaning at the weight of the ace’s leg on his stomach, Tanaka turned as white as a sheet at the pair of demonic eyes that met his.

“How much did you see.” It wasn’t a question. It was a command, and when faced with someone who looked like he was about to eat you, Tanaka could only squeak a small “everything”.

You were beyond abashed. Rooted to the spot, you could only soak in the sight of your not-so-secret boyfriend boring holes through his clubmates with his steely gaze. But oh God, if you didn’t stop him, who knew what would happen to those poor souls—and he was just getting a little more motivated about the club too!

“I-It’s okay! If they keep this a secret, it’ll be fine, r-right?” you interrupted, getting redder with every word.

“Y/N, it’s not that,” Tsukishima griped. “They’ll only bug me about it me afterwards.”

It was your turn to squeak. Suddenly, just as the tall first year was about to coerce his clubmates into a knelt apology, a loud voice boomed from within the empty gymnasium.

“Hey! Where is everyone?! Get back here and practice!”

Tanaka, mid-way into pressing his forehead onto the ground, sighed. Thank you, Daichi-san...

Oikawa Tooru

Being in a relationship was hard work. Being in a relationship with the Oikawa Tooru was... an effort you had to double in with your tight schedule. That meant having to answer questions from his admirers about what color of underwear he was wearing today, eating the foods he didn’t like and making sure he didn’t stay up late before an important match or exam.

Today, it was bringing him the Classic Literature homework he’d forgotten to pick up from your teacher. And for the fifth time of the day, you wondered if you were his lover or a nagging parent.

“Excuse me,” you knocked on the open doors of the gymnasium. “Is Oikawa here?”

A ball tucked under his arm, the vice-captain approached you. Tall. Were all the members of the Volleyball Club so insanely collosal? “Yo, L/N-san. Oikawa’s out to refill his bottle, he’ll be back in a while.”

“In that case, Iwaizumi-san, could you give these to him? I need to—”

“Y/N-chaaan!”

Whipping your head towards the direction of your boyfriend, you weren’t given a moment to spare as a pair lean arms swaddled you into warmth. Oikawa was already burrowing himself on the crown of your hair, smiling at the scent that weaved through his nostrils.

“Did you come to see me practice, Y/N-chan?” he giggled, spinning you around by your waist. “Aah, that makes me so happy to hear that...”

“O-Oikawa, let me go! I have Cleaning Duty to get back to!” you grappled for air, a twinge of freedom. But this stubborn mule of your boyfriend wasn’t called a service ace for nothing.

“C’moon... Let me kiss you, alright? You look really cute today~”

You almost forgot about Iwaizumi who was tugging on the back of Oikawa’s collar, which was proving to be just as fruitless as the saying goes. “Oi, Shittykawa! You’re gonna get reported for sexual harrasment!”

They’re watching. It just had to be your pure luck that fate bound you to this shameless exhibitionist. The warmth from Oikawa’s embrace added to the searing gazes of his teammates turned to a scorching heat that burst into red on your face.

There was only one way out of this vice-like grip, and you would rather eat cement than say it. But if it meant escaping from the unneeded attention from the public, then there was no other way. I want to crawl into a hole and die, you sighed.

“...T-Tooru...” you murmured into his chest, feeling Oikawa’s clutches go slack. “Tooru, just take your homework and let me go back to my duties, please? Tooru-chan~?”

Stifling their laughter, Matsukawa and Hanamaki who’d been watching the entire debacle go down into flames were now coughing in an adamant attempts to hide their shock.

Finally setting you down on your feet, Oikawa muttered lowly, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. “... Again.”

“H-huh?”

“‘Tooru-chan’! Please say that again one more time! That’ll be enough to keep me going for weeks!”

Slamming the papers into his chest, you scrambled out of the gym, blushing madly. “Oikawa, you pervert! I’m leaving!”

Ogling the lovestruck captain who was being mangled like a limp rag by Iwaizumi, Kindaichi put his fingers under his chin in a faux expression of deep thought. Kunimi, who was already considering bleaching his eyes after what he’d seen, perked up at his teammate’s low hum.

“Kindaichi, you okay?”

“Kunimi...” he said, digging the heel of his palm into his hips, “Do you think I’ll get myself someone as cute as L/N-senpai one day?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Shallot Head.”

“Kunimi!”

[joheun-saram]

Whenever, Wherever (jhs)

Summary- Hoseok is a time traveller but that’s not the strangest thing that has happened to him. The strangest thing is when he meets a girl he’s never seen and she tells him he’s her best friend.

word count- 6.7k

pairing- timetraveler!Hoseok x Reader 

rating- R

genre- angst, fluff, smut

warnings- car accident, mention of parental death, mention of miscarriage, major character death, description of gun shot wound (but not gory), explicit smut (unprotected lovey dovey sex), hoseok pukes a lot (soz babe ily)

a.n- Ahhh I finally finished my Secret Santa fic for @thebtswritersclub! I’m so excited to reveal that I’m indeed @baepsaetan‘s secret santa 🎅🏼Day did you guess I was your ss? Did you like me subtly asking you questions about this during our sprints? hehehe! Happy new year, love! 💕

For people who can guess, this was inspired by the Doctor, River relationship and is loosely based on the Time Traveller’s Wife (eventhough I straight up have never seen the movie and literally only read the wiki page 🥴)

A huge thank you to Bella @hobisbeautifulass​ for beta reading for me! I’m sorry I made you cry at work!

As always feedback appreciated, a reblog and a like goes a far way. Send me an ask! 💌

-

The day his mother passed away was when Hoseok discovered his gift. 

Stranded by himself in a large suburban park in the middle of the night, there was an eeriness surrounding the dark expanse of road. There were no cars, no streetlights, and no solace to be found on the edge of the wooded trail he stood before. His heart was still racing, adrenaline coursing through his veins as he remembered seeing the blinding lights of the trailer in front of him just moments ago, his mother’s voice ricocheting through his head. He didn’t understand how he got here, and how the loud honks and screeches of tires had fallen to give way to this deafening silence.In the distance, he hears footsteps. The crackle of crushed leaves echoing in the air as he sees a man with dark hair, dressed in a large black sweater and a pair of blue ripped jeans, step forward. In the eight years he had lived thus far he had never been as terrified. The man lifted his arm as if to reach out towards him, and Hoseok closed his eyes tight, wishing he could run away.

Before he knew what happened, he was lying in his bed under his warm, colorful duvet. He rubbed his eyes, his heart still pounding and feeling an overwhelming urge to vomit. He thought it was a dream till his father entered with a tear-streaked face to let him know about his mother’s fatal accident.

That was the first time he time traveled, but it wouldn’t be the last. He didn’t know why he could do it. He didn’t know how he could control it. All he knew was that he was drawn to certain places, certain times. It was never when he wanted, like the first time when he wished he could go back to a few hours and not be greedy for ice cream so his mother would not have to drive him. Or the time he wished he could go back to tell his grandmother he loved her. Or the time in university where he wished he had never got caught cheating and lost his scholarship.

For being a time-traveler Hoseok’s life was full of regrets but the one thing he would never regret was meeting her.

-----------

For most people time is linear. There is the past, the present, and the future. But for Hoseok, time is a tangled mess, a convoluted web of events that he can only watch unfold. Never having the power to control where he ends up, Hoseok felt helpless, like his life was a punchline for the universe. All through his life, he would wind up at weird places at weird times. He would never know how long he would be there before being zapped back to whenever he came from.

Hoseok was twenty-five, he was single, he was a music producer, but most of all, he was tired. Lately, his time jumps were too frequent, going from happening once a year or so to once every few weeks. He would find himself in odd places at odd times, sometimes it was a quaint suburban street at dawn, other times a posh private school at midnight. All to stay there for seconds before zapping in his bed, as usual, his entire day lost, nausea bitting at his throat.

“Hoseok? Oh my god! It’s really you!” The new barista at his favorite coffee shop squealed when he made it to the front of the line, jarring him from his thoughts as he aimlessly scrolled through his Instagram, trying to decipher if he missed out on anything important. He looked at her, dressed cutely in a yellow sundress with the establishment's blue and gold apron on her waist. Her hair was loose around her face, her smile brilliant, as she looked at him with excitement. She was beautiful and it took Hoseok a few moments to stop himself from his shameless ogling.

“I’m sorry, do we know each other?” he asked, confused. He would have remembered if he ever saw her. She looked pretty unforgettable. Maybe she was one of Yoongi's friends, although something tells him Yoongi would find her sunshine persona offputting.

“Yeah! You’re my best friend!” She pointed at him, as his mouth dropped. Okay, so she was crazy. Great...

“Uh…” Hoseok didn't really know how to answer that, so he decided to follow his gut and just ignore her comment. “I’m sorry. Can I just order?”

“Vanilla latte, no whip, half sugar coming right up!” She beamed as she wrote on the cup, leaving him dumbfounded.

“How did you…?”

“Told you! You’re my best friend!” She pranced away to make his drink, as he stood there confused. When she returned, she handed him a drink and Hoseok could do nothing more than smile half-heartedly as he walked away. Did he have a stalker?

He decided not to visit that coffee shop again. Better not give this crazy person any more ideas.

------------

Hoseok stood in someone's home, someone's living room, dark other than the moonlight that filtered through the windows. It was a modest room, resembling one of those he would see on television. In the center of the room, there was a bright yellow rug flanked on three sides by a couch set facing a television hooked to the wall above a fireplace. It seemed cozy, somewhere he would have liked to live.

He had no idea where he was and he cursed his gift once again. This was getting ridiculous. This was the first time he had appeared inside someone's home. He shook his head as he looked at the clock placed on one of the small tables next to the big couch.

3 am. Great. He was trespassing in the middle of the night.

He decided to escape before the owners caught wind of him. As he made his way towards the door, a family portrait caught his eye. It hung right next to the front door, framed by a beautiful gold frame.

His mouth dropped. It was him. He looked a little older, the lines next to his eyes a little deeper as he sat smiling on a grassy field, his arms around a beautiful woman in a yellow sundress holding a small infant wrapped in green blankets.

He felt his heartbeat pick up. He knew her. It was the random barista girl. The one who insisted she knew him. What the fuck?

Before Hoseok could spiral any further he heard a noise behind him. Turning he saw her, dressed in flannel pajamas, walking down the stairs. She looked around her mid-thirties, nothing like the chipper twenty-something he'd seen last week.

He stood there blinking at her as she came closer, awe on her features that quickly morphed into sorrow. She touched his face gently as if in disbelief that he was there as her eyes glistened in the moonlight.

"Hobi?" She spoke, her voice was hoarse as a tear slipped down her cheek. Hoseok didn't know why but he felt his heart lurch at her tears. He had no idea who she was but he felt this innate pull towards her. He wanted to hold her, wipe her tears, and most fucked up of all, he wanted to kiss her.

"I- who are you?" He asked softly, his hand coming to hold hers as if he couldn't help himself, leaning slightly into her touch.

"We haven't met yet?" Her voice was wet with tears as she sniffled, moving closer to him. She hugged him, wrapping her arms around him tightly as if to feel if he was really there. He stood silently as she squeezed him close, and wrapped his arms around her when she started sobbing into his chest. He held her tight as she cried, his eyes brimming with sympathetic tears.

"I missed you so much Hoseok," she said as she looked up at him. He had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life. Before he could think, he was leaning down to capture her lips with his own, his heart in his throat. She tasted like strawberries and mint, and he felt his head turn into a haze. Before he could deepen the kiss, he felt the familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach. He pulled apart as he saw her fade slowly, trying his hardest to hold on to her as she did the same.

All too soon, the familiar sight of his bedroom materialized as he stood there alone, her last words ringing in his head.

"No! Please! It's too soon!"

He didn't know when he started crying, but soon he was kneeling on his floor sobbing for a girl he didn't even know the name of.

-----------

Hoseok didn't know when he fell asleep, but he woke up on the floor of his bedroom, his face puffy and back sore. Without a second thought, he rose from his position, grabbed his keys, and bolted out of his apartment. He had to find her.

It took him six days to meet her again. Six days of anxiety, amped up from the coffees he chugged as he visited the coffee shop at different hours. He couldn't even describe her properly, every time he went to the cashier to tell them how she looked they gave him an odd look. Maybe it was because by the third day he looked like a deranged stalker, describing her height and her build to anyone who worked there. He was surprised they hadn't banned him yet.

On the sixth day, she waltzed in and sat across from him, not a care in the world. Her smile was wide, a juxtaposition to the sad, older version of her he was fixated on. She wore a polka-dotted dress which hitched up a little as she crossed her legs. Hoseok was speechless as he almost choked on his coffee.

"You told me to meet you earlier but honestly, I just wanted to annoy you a little." She giggled, her hand coming up to cover her mouth, her eyes lit with mirth, and the stress of finding her hit him like a ton of bricks. Hoseok jumped out of his seat, his arms around her shaking as he tried to control his breathing. His mind was fuzzy, he had no reason to react this way, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't know her but he missed her. His heart was beating a mile a minute as he held her tighter.

"What took you so long?" He asked his voice a little hoarse from not speaking all day, his breath coming out in puffs against her neck. She hummed a little apology as her hand reached his hair, stroking his scalp in a way that made him instantly relax. He melted into her, her sweet floral scent a balm to his anxious nerves.

"Do you even know my name yet?" She spoke, her voice light and airy, as he finally let go of her. He cleared his throat in embarrassment, the tips of his ears turning as red as the beanie atop his head. He settled back in his chair awkwardly staring at her, fiddling with the string of his sweatpants that laid on his thigh. He looked up at her smiling face, as she put her hand on top of his. "It's Y/N. It's nice to finally meet you, Hoseok."

Her words were simple but their effect was anything but. Hoseok felt like everything in his world made sense, that all those times he had puked after a shitty trip down the stitch of time was worth it. Her hand was so soft, skin so perfectly smooth as her thumb stroked his hand, that Hoseok had a hard time finding words to express how he was feeling.

He looked at her shyly, not knowing where his nerves were coming from, as he smiled, meeting her warm eyes.

"It's nice to finally meet you too, Y/N."

----------

Hoseok sighed in annoyance as he walked down the path of the familiar suburban neighborhood. The sun shone brightly, and all he wanted to do was to be zapped out of here so he could end up in bed next to his girlfriend. It had been barely thirty seconds since he saw her, her soft skin molded against his as she slept next to him, her hair tickling his nose as he spooned her. He missed her already. This wasn't fair. Why did he have to walk around this stupid cul-de-sac when he could be wrapped in her warmth?

Ever since the coffee shop, things with her had progressed extremely fast. He couldn't help himself. He never felt as close to someone as instantly before. Granted, he knew they were going to get married and have a beautiful child together, but that didn't mean he knew how fast he was going to fall for her.

The day he first learned her name, he couldn't wipe the giddy smile off his face. She was different than any other woman he had met. She was outgoing and optimistic, and brave. Much braver than him. While he stuttered to ask her for her number, she leaned across the table grabbed his phone, unlocking it as if by magic, and added her phone number in. While he wrote and rewrote eighteen different texts, pacing in his living room, she beat him to it with a casual "Stop overthinking, dummy. It's only me!"

How could he stop overthinking? It was her. His dream girl gift-wrapped and sent to him by fate. He never thought his gift would be good for anything, but she was here and all his previous suffering finally made sense.

As he walked along the sidewalk, biding his time, he approached a bus stop. It was cute, and definitely not from his decade. A janky blue bus stopped, and out she walked, making Hoseok miss his step and almost trip. She was dressed in a school uniform, a crisp white shirt with a plaid skirt, a cute flower-shaped backpack on her shoulders, and her hands full of college pamphlets. Hoseok couldn't help the smile that overtook his features. He wanted to run up to her but he realized even if she was his girlfriend now, it was still a crime to approach a minor. His gift was so stupid.

He stood there, averting his stare and looking at his shoes instead, as she walked closer to him. He promised himself not to be a creep and try to talk to her but her voice makes him break his resolve.

"Ew. Can you not get a hint? Get away from me, you creep!" she yelled and Hoseok's head snapped up. He felt his face flare with rage as he watched a kid around her age try to put his arm around her as she tried to shove him off. The kid was relentless, throwing cheesy pickup lines her way as she continuously rejected him. He wanted to beat that little shit to a pulp.

Clearing his throat, he approached the two. "Dude, she said no. Get off her," he spoke through gritted teeth.

"What's it to you, old man?" The boy rolled his eyes, his hand still wrapped around her as she pleaded at Hoseok with her eyes. Hoseok wasn't old! He wasn't even thirty yet! He hated this kid.

"It's not nice to forego consent, kid," he sneered, schooling his face into the coldest expression he could muster. It seemed to have worked because one look at Hoseok's face and the future sex offender had his hand to himself before he walked off with a huff. Hoseok glared at him as he disappeared in the opposite direction. Good riddance.

"Thank you so much!" Her voice was higher than it was now, a little spring to it that only comes from innocence as she looked at him with round eyes. "You're like my own personal superhero!"

Hoseok felt awkward. He never wanted to talk to her here. Running his hands through his hair, he smiled at her, throwing an awkward "Any time!" as he rushed away. The feeling in his gut was back and he had never been happier to want to throw up. The afternoon sun faded as he stood in his own room, blinded and running to where he knew his trash can was.

As he vomited into the plastic can, he felt a hand rub soothingly down his back. She handed him a water bottle when he sat up next to the bin, his head aching.

"Welcome back, babe. When did you go this time?" She giggled at her own joke. God, Hoseok loved that laugh.

----------

Hoseok was nervous. He hadn't been this nervous in a really long time. Surrounded by all his friends dressed in custom tuxedos, he fidgeted with his bowtie, and scrutinizing his reflection in the mirror he fixed the lapels of the blood-red jacket he was wearing. Who convinced him this gaudy suit was perfect for the occasion? Oh yeah, his bride.

Jung Hoseok thought he'd accomplish a lot of things by the time he was thirty-one. He thought he would have signed to a major label as an in-house producer (he did), he thought he would be living in a beautifully decorated apartment downtown (he does), he thought he would have a cute little dog to welcome him home (Mickey is adorable, in case you were wondering), but he never thought he would be waiting at the end of the aisle for someone who would want to share their life with him.

Ever since she came into his life, Hoseok felt like it was filled with sunshine. She brightened every aspect of it. The first time he kissed her, really kissed her, it felt like happiness was resonating through his entire skeleton - like she was the one thing missing in his world. The first time he told her he loved her he almost threw up from the nerves knotting in his stomach.

He promised himself he wouldn't cry, but he couldn't help himself as she walked in. She had foregone the usual white gown, quoting something about the patriarchy, as she walked towards him in a dress, equally as red as his suit.

Her smile was wide and he was in awe of her beauty. He sniffled through his vows and she winked at him through hers, a simple gesture that made him chuckle and relaxed the emotions brewing in him. She could always do that with the simplest of things, be it a touch or a look. He kissed her with passion as their friends and family cheered. He hoped she didn't mind how much he was blubbering. He promised himself he wouldn't cry.

Their wedding was one of the best moments of his entire life. Dancing to cheesy music, cheek to cheek, the couple in red stood out amongst others in black. Hoseok was so in love that he didn't even mind when at the end of the night he felt the familiar buzz in his ears. He was slightly upset that he abandoned his new wife on his wedding night, but is it abandonment when the hotel lobby fades into what he knows now is his future home?

He saw her there, sitting on the couch, a frown on her face as she seemingly stared into space, dressed in a set of comfy pajamas and he couldn't control himself. Whispering her name so as not to startle her, he moved towards her when she smiled up at him. Sitting next to her on the couch, he pulled her to him with a grin. She giggled as she settles herself on his lap, running her hands over his jacket, before soothingly scratching his scalp. Hoseok couldn't help but lean into her touch, a goofy grin on his face. He was sickeningly in love.

"If it isn't my handsome new husband. I've been waiting for my wedding night for years." She joked as she pulled his face to hers, kissing him deeply. Hoseok's heart lurched in his chest as a little whine escaped him. She isn't surprised in the least to see him there, and why would she be? In the past five years, Hoseok has visited so many different versions of her. In a way, it's part of how he fell in love with her. She may only be thirty-one to him, but he'd seen her at every stage of her life.

As she deepened their kiss, his hands went around her waist squeezing her tight as she ground on him gently. He remembers the different versions of her as he feels his blood rush through his body, each touch sparking electricity under his skin. He remembered when he first laid eyes on her in that small cafe, his nerves on their first date, her tears when he proposed, the first time he had her under him after she invited him for a movie. But he also remembered her at six playing in the sandbox in the park, sixteen and humming to pop songs while she walked home, thirty-six as she cried in his arms, seventy when she looked frayed and weak but still beautiful. He had seen all of her life, moments that he was lucky enough to be brought to more often as he fell more in love with her. He had visited her hundreds of times, and he couldn't wait to do that for the rest of his life.

He kissed down her neck, leaving little bites that he soothed with his tongue as she undressed him, his jacket somewhere on the floor, his shirt mostly buttoned. She moaned as he cupped her breasts, a beautifully airy noise that set his heart on fire.

Soon the two were breathless and naked as he hovered above her on the couch. She arched into him as he entered her, her little whines encouraging him. He latched his lips on her hard nipples, nipping them how he knows she loves. She fit him so perfectly, always so perfect for him. His wife, his soulmate, his Y/N.

"I love you, wife," he whispered and placed his forehead on hers, his hips thrusting into her heat, as he relished the connection between them. He kissed her deep, almost overwhelmed by how perfectly their lips slotted together. He could kiss her forever.

"I love you, husband," she whispered into his mouth, and his pace increased, a hand coming down to rub at her clit. She writhed under him as he pushes her off the edge. Her legs shaking around him, her heels poking into his back, as he savored the way her walls pulled him in. He was panting when he came, filling her up and babbling a chant of her name.

He pecked her face about a thousand times as they both laid on the couch boneless and giggling. When he, inevitably, ends up back on his bedroom floor, he saw her smirking at his naked body on the floor, dressed in his t-shirt, her hair still wet from her shower. She squatted next to him.

"And where is your suit?" she chided, her lips lifting, even when she tries to pretend she's mad.

"We'll get it back in a few years." Hoseok shrugged as he pulled her into a kiss, missing her body next to him already.

----------

The bar Hoseok sat at is loud, too loud for the conversation Yoongi keeps trying to have with him, and that's precisely why he chose it. Next to their table is a bachelorette party, a gaggle of women dressed in feather boas and plastic tiaras, sloshing drinks on themselves as they excitedly laugh. It's an odd contrast to the way he's feeling, the atmosphere on his own table somber.

"So what? You're going to leave your wife at home and get wasted here? Is that what you do now, Hobi?" Yoongi scolded his friend but Hoseok was already too far gone, having had a few bottles of beers before even inviting Yoongi out. He knew he was an asshole, he didn't need Yoongi to remind him, but he needed to escape.

His once happy marriage was becoming tumultuous, and, no it wasn't because they didn't love each other anymore, but quite the opposite. The past two years had really shown him that even if they were fighting and yelling, they still loved each other. Even when they were mad they crawled into bed together at the end of the day and held each other, not being able to sleep otherwise.

Their marriage started off great. There were cuddles in the kitchen, dance parties in the living room, vacations in Rome, and a night where they both sat next to each other on the floor by the bathroom holding hands as they waited with a little blue stick. They made love on that floor when it showed two lines, but that wasn't a surprise - Hoseok had seen his child in that photo the first time he kissed her.

The surprise was when she woke him up in the middle of the night, thirteen weeks into the pregnancy clutching her stomach, tears running down her face. He had never felt as scared as he did at that moment, breaking all the traffic laws he could get away with to get her to the emergency room. He held her hand through the ultrasound, through the exam where she winced, and through the doctor solemnly telling them they had had a miscarriage. He didn't let himself cry in front of her, always wanting to be brave, but he sobbed when she slept, knowing that he had a child but gaining little solace from the fact as he mourned.

The second time the two lines showed up, they were careful. He waited on her hand and foot, working from home, ensuring she got the proper nutrients. The result was another trip to the emergency room and another night of tears holding each other. By the fourth time, they stopped being surprised, just two zombies driving calmly to the hospital, before returning home. She went to the bedroom, while Hoseok drank himself into a stupor, before asking Yoongi to meet him here.

Hoseok knew he had a child, but he felt hopeless, drowning in the undercurrent of hurt and apathy. He loved his wife, loved her more than anything in the world but he couldn't bear to look at her tonight, couldn't bear to convince her once again that he had seen their child. Maybe they adopted he thought bitterly as he switched from beer to shots.

He walked home in a drunken haze despite Yoongi's worried insistence that he take a cab. Somewhere during his walk, he had started crying, tears painting his face and sending shivers down his body as they cooled in the evening chill. He wished he could fix it for her, she was always so brave, always so supportive of his stupid ideas and moods. Every time they had a fight, she was the first to apologize, a smile on her face as she cracked a joke and tickled him till all his worries were forgotten.

Drowning in self-pity, he barely noticed the buzz in his ears as he entered his house. Stumbling into the living room he saw her sitting on the couch with a cup of tea. He stared at her as he realized he was in the future, her hair greying, and her skin wrinkled. He didn't know how to react, but the tears returned as he rushed to her falling on his knees as he held onto her legs.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." He apologized again and again. He didn't care that this version of her wasn't the one that needed to hear him, but he felt like a terrible husband, a terrible partner, as he kissed her knees. She stroked his hair and shushed him with a soft smile.

"What happened, Hobi?" she asked, her voice gentle, and he felt all his walls come down as he told her things he was sure already knew. He felt exhausted, every cell in his body aching. He laid on the couch, head in her lap as she listened to him, consoling him with the wisdom of a life lived.

After he had fallen silent, sober, and unable to convey any more emotions, she spoke.

"Hobi. You have to be nicer to yourself. You were the perfect husband. The perfect soulmate." Her words were meant to be soothing, but as soon as he heard them he felt like ice was running through his veins. He sat up immediately, looking at her with wide eyes.

"Were?"

"I shouldn't have said anything..." She looked guilty, hurt crossing across her features, as she ran her hands up and down his arms.

"No! Y/N... I die?" His voice was small, almost timid towards the end of the sentence, as he held her hands to ground himself.

"I'm sorry, baby." Her eyes glistened as she cupped one of his cheeks, looking at him sadly.

"When?"

"I'm not telling you. You'll go insane." She was firm in her resolution, her tone taking cadence that she always used with him when declaring the end of a conversation. But Hoseok couldn't help himself. He was going to die, he was going to leave her. He felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

"I'm already going insane! You have to tell me. What if I can stop it? We can be together. I don't want to leave you!" He pleaded, his eyes wide in panic.

"Hobi... You've never left me. You visit so often." She spoke with a small smile, seemingly reminiscing.

"Please! Please or else I'll go every day knowing it's my last with you. I - I can't do that. Please." He was almost whining at his point and he didn't care how desperate he sounded. He just wanted to know how much time he had with her. He was so stupid, how could he leave to get drunk while she waited for him at home. He didn't deserve the way this version of her was looking at him with such love.

"I barely even remember when it happened." He knew she was lying, could see it from the way her gaze averted his. Hesitantly she continued. "I'll... I'll just tell you. It's the day after you see yourself for the first time."

"See myself?" He repeated, his brain running through his memories. He would have remembered if he saw himself. It would be hard to forget, but he came up empty, tears of frustration lining his eyes as he ran his hand through his hair.

"That's all you told me. That you saw yourself and you felt bad for not being able to give yourself advice."

"I won't ever leave you. I promise. I'll come back. As much as I can." He kissed her at that, repeatedly, her lips soft under his. She knew he couldn't control his ability, but she smiled at him anyway, agreeing with his promise, telling him she'll see him soon, even if she had no idea if that was true.

When he was transported back to his room, he couldn't help himself from heaving on the floor, the contents of his stomach painting the hardwood. As always, she rushed to him, wiping his tears and walking him to the bathroom. She helped him change, before cleaning up after him, despite his protests, as she glared at him every time he tried to sit up from the bed.

When she returned from putting the cleaning supplies away, she shut the door to their bedroom, and there, on the hook behind it, hung his wedding suit, the crimson a bright splash of color amongst the white. She followed his eyes, giggling a little.

"You already made up for being an ass, don't worry," she joked, fingers poking at his side to tickle him gently.

Hoseok had missed her laugh. Missed it so much. He cut her off before she could say anything else, whispering apologies against her lips. He was never going to leave her.

---------

He was in a park, the trees throwing looming shadows under the moonlight as he walked around. He recognized this park, it was the one near her childhood home. She had taken him there during their first Christmas together, and he still remembered the silly grin on her face as she showed him the sandbox where she used to spend all her days as a kid, making sandcastles. He smiled at the memory. It was the first time in a while that his time travels hadn't taken him straight to her and he missed not being able to see which part of her life he was visiting.

He walked about reminiscing about his day. It was his daughter's third birthday and he felt a little bad leaving his wife to clean up the mess. He couldn't believe Soojin was three already. He pulled out his phone, scrolling through photographs as he waltzed down memory lane. He smiled softly at the photo from the day she was born. She was so tiny then, her little, pink heart-shaped lips in a pout as she stretched, her eyes almost disappearing beneath her chubby cheeks.

He kept his eyes glued to his phone, looking at photo after photo. There was one of her covered in mushed peas and he remembered how long it took him to get the mess out of the living room rug. There was one of her dressed as spiderman who she had declared her favorite recently after watching the cartoon on Netflix, doing the signature web-shooting pose. There was one of holding on to her mom as she walked for the first time. Hoseok's heart felt full, and he couldn't wait to get back home.

He decided to keep up with the tradition of seeing his wife every time he skipped through time and started walking towards her house, deciding to take the shortcut she had shown him. Humming a little, he placed his hands in his pockets as he strolled along, thinking about the delicious cake he had custom ordered for the party. He could probably eat the whole thing. Would it taste as good after it's been in the fridge?

His musings came to a quick stop however as he looked into the distance, just at the exit of the wooded path. There, dressed in a yellow sweatshirt with a giant dog on the front and jeans that didn't quite reach the ankles, was an eight-year-old boy. He walked closer and his heart stopped as he saw himself for the first time. He was crying, sniffling in the air, and as Hoseok approached his younger self, he vanished into the air.

He felt the air leave his lungs as he stumbled in his steps, falling on to the ground.

"That's all you told me. That you saw yourself and you felt bad for not being able to give yourself advice."

No. It's too soon. He couldn't collect his thoughts as they rushed through his head barely leaving a trace. When he had that conversation four years ago he thought he had more time. Soojin was just three years old. He thought he would have years, that he would see graduations and intimidate boyfriends, and walk her down the aisle. It's too soon.

He could feel himself hyperventilating, his breaths short and his ears echoing with his heartbeat, as he tried to collect himself. He looked at his hands shaking in his lap and his eyes focused on his outfit. How could he have forgotten what the man in his memory was wearing? He put on these ripped jeans this morning, the same jeans that haunted him for the first sixteen years of his life. How could he have not realized that he was the creepy old man he had nightmares about as a kid?

Trying to control his breathing, he started to formulate a plan. He didn't want Y/N to know, he didn't want her to go through the emotions he was going through right now, because she would go through so much worse when he was gone. He sat in the park and let himself cry, hoping that he wouldn't have to leave soon because leaving meant saying goodbye and he was not ready yet. It's too soon.

---------

Hoseok awoke with a sinking feeling in his heart and a lump in his throat. It was the day he had been dreading since before he learned her name. He hated that he didn't have enough time. Enough time to hold her, enough time to watch his daughter grow up, enough time to build a bigger family.

He found the other side of the bed empty and standing up with a groan, he moved to the room next door. He stroked his daughter's cheek a tear spilling out his eye that he quickly wiped. Bending down, he kissed her little cheek, sniffing her calming scent.

"Daddy loves you, baby. Daddy will always love you. Please be good for your mommy okay?"

She only moved a little at his words, sighing before continuing to snooze. Hoseok ran his hands over his face, his heartbeat accelerating. He looked at the mirror in the corner and practiced his smile a few times. He had to be brave. He had to be brave for her, for both of them.

He walked into the kitchen, schooling his expression into one of bliss, as he saw her standing in her underwear and one of his t-shirts, and his heart felt hollow. He loved her so much. He hated that he had to leave this way, but that was his fate from the beginning, wasn't it? Their whole relationship, everything, started from and led to this moment. Padding over to her, he put his arms around her squeezing her tight, his chest molding perfectly to her back as it always did.

She giggled as she leaned into him, softly caressing his arms and making him nuzzle further into her neck. He took in her delicate scent and tried to control his breathing. He could not break.

"Someone's cuddly this morning," she commented, turning around with a grin.

"I just love you, that's all."

She cooed as he brought his lips to hers. What he intended to be a gently good morning kiss, turned into so much more as he lost control of his emotions. He kissed her like he would forget her taste, but it wasn't him who would be dwelling on this moment for years to come.

When the two broke apart, he cupped her cheek as he felt the familiar buzz in his ears.

"You know I love you more than anything in the world right?" He whispered before he started to see his kitchen fade away.

Her voice echoed as he was teleported into a dark room, momentarily blinded.

"Aww, I love you too, my Hobi!"

He fumbled around a little and then he heard it - a loud gunshot, shattering his eardrums. The sound hurt more than the sudden sharp pain in his chest, he thought, as he gasped for air, stumbling to the ground. The lights in the room turned on then and he saw the younger version of his father in law, demanding something, his voice inaudible.

She never told him details about this moment, but kind of fitting that it was in the hands of her father. He never did like Hoseok much anyway. His breaths felt shallow as he chuckled at the irony. Or was it justice? Karma? He didn't know. Nevermind, his chest hurt far more than his eardrums. Fuck, being shot is a bitch.

He felt the nauseous pull for the last time as he dropped into his bedroom. The last thing he saw was his wife  rushing over to him. Oh, she was so beautiful, he was so lucky she chose him.

For being a time-traveler Hoseok’s life was full of regrets but the one thing he would never regret was meeting her, even if that was the reason he lost her.

—

I hope you liked this super sad angst piece, for more fics of mine check out my masterlist

[sohin-ace]

Jojo Drabble - Jotaro (Pride Month Special)

It's the end of Pride Month, and I haven't seen a single, not a single post about Aro/Aces...

I'm not really surprised. At all.

I'm linking some interesting videos and websites to help you understand this sexual orientation.

Asexuality: The invisible Orientation by Hippie Calico

I spent a day with Asexuals by Anthony Padilla

Asexuality by David Jay

Asexuality.org (available in 16 languages)

R/aaaacccccce on Reddit

R/asexuality on Reddit

(Both subreddits are very cute and full of funny memes and good positivity 💜🖤)

In regards to the visibility of this marginal and forgotten sexuality, I'll be making a drabble about it. With the only openly Aro/Ace character of Jojo that I know of.

※ Jojo Scenario • Jotaro - Ace to Ace

You opened the heavy metallic door leading to the rooftop, the loud clank and dry screech making you cringe. Hopefully the sound wouldn't alert the teachers or the class reps. After all, nobody was allowed on the roof. Especially during class hours.

You walked around, searching for a certain someone and, surely enough, the boy in question was there, just where you expected him to be.

"Man, you sure love to ditch, don't you?"

You chuckled and the male didn't even spare you a glance, his hat effectively shielding his face from the Spring sun as he laid leisurely on the floor, his arms pillowing his head.

"I could say the same to you."

Well, he wasn't wrong, you thought to yourself, but you would never admit it out loud and possibly give this smug man reason.

You slowly and carefully sat down next to him, groaning slightly at the painful difficulty of the usually simple task.

Jotaro perked up slightly at your discomfort, making sure you were alright. Thankfully you seemed alright and he relaxed.

"Yare yare daze, you shouldn't have come. You're still recovering, why are you walking flights of stairs now?"

That's right. You were still under medication and strict medical supervision for your quite severe stomach wounds. And you still weren't used to your prosthetic leg just yet.

It was purely a miracle that you managed to survive that fight against Dio, and you never ever took a second of your life for granted after that, thinking of the friends who didn't have the same chance as you, lost forever during that battle.

You looked down at your uniform skirt. You couldn't think about that now. You had to lift up the mood for Jotaro, and for them.

"Hey, I'm fine." You dismissed with a smile, "It doesn't even hurt that much anymore, it's been a while now." You reassured and he only mumbled his catchphrase again, laying back down.

You two kept each other company in comfortable silence. Despite everything, Jotaro was still taciturn and you were much calmer after all that happened the past few months.

It was already the end of the school year and your thoughts drifted to the future that awaited you, and what it had to possibly offer.

"Say, Jotaro..." You softly grasped his attention and he only hummed in response. "What do you think will happen next? After we graduate, I mean..."

"Hmm?" He opened a curious blue eye at you." ...Go to college or get a job. Or both. What else do you want to do?"

"Ah well..." You paused and thought of your next words. "I don't want to but... Guess I'll have to get married and stuff eventually... Have kids, cook for my husband, things like that you know..."

Jotaro clicked his tongue and scoffed at the disgusting idea. "...Bullshit."

"I know..." You sighed and looked back down at the male, only to see him stare at the now more covered sky, his usual glare softer on his face. You knew what he was thinking.

"Jotaro..." You called and he looked at you. "You're the same as me... Right?"

He didn't say anything, but his eyes spoke answers for him. You may not have known him for very long, but the adventures and experiences you lived with him were worth much more than years of friendship.

He huffed and closed his eyes. "Yare yare daze... Why are you talking about depressing things, now?"

"I mean... Can you blame me for being worried? I know you feel the exact same, Jotaro." You brought your knees up to your chest and stared ahead. "You'll have to get through the same thing at one point too... That's... What we're expected to do, after all... Whether we like it or not."

He hated to admit it, but you were right. What was the place in society for two outsiders with not interests in romantic or sexual relationships?

What were Aromantics and Asexuals besides loners, straight people craving attention and finding poor excuses for their lack of charisma?

Especially when everybody well knew that the only way to succeed in life, was to share it with a significant other and keep the bloodline going forever.

...Or was it really?

All these thoughts, your obligations as members of the patriarchal modern society, the implications behind all of it, the consequences, the fate you two would be doomed in. All of these were so painful. A lifelong struggle.

He was aware that he'd have to complete his other half of his life, achieve the ultimate life goals of getting married to a beautiful little wife and have cute little children running around the house and all that jazz.

But that's not how Jotaro Kujo had ever imagined his life would be like.

He had his own dreams, his own comforts. Being alone was good. So good. But he had no choice, he'd have to satisfy society's expectations. He'd have to make his mother proud and granting her the little grandchildren she always wished to have.

Jotaro looked back at your metallic leg. After all you've been through, after all he's lost to save his mother, pleasing her and making her happy was the least he could do to honor your sacrifices and the deaths of his loved ones.

But what could he do? Force himself? A man couldnt force himself to develop feelings, he could only pretend. But what good would that do him?

He'd have to, eventually. He couldn't help but think back at you. You were all the same. And you two would be judged for life for not following suit and do like everyone else, like little sheeps.

Was it so wrong to not want to be with a special someone? To not get attached or attracted? Why was it so weird? Why was it unacceptable? Who deemed it necessary, to get stuck into marriage just for the sake of being married?

And man, his thoughts rathered to drift to sex either, that's really the last straw and if possible, he'd love to shut everybody up about it. Shut up everybody who only validated a man's worth by his primal urge to knock a woman up.

You seemed to be the only one he could actually talk about this with, since people would just tell you the usual 'You're gay!' or 'You haven't found the one yet!'.

Just like telling a depressed person to 'cheer up'. Bullshit excuses of people who couldn't accept that mindsets and sexualities differ with each human being.

What were the two of you supposed to do? You were stuck, cornered.

He was a stone that knew nothing about affection, and he already pitied the unlucky woman who'd get to him.

And you were just as bad of a stone. He felt bad for you, for having to have to lay down and take it without batting an eye just to satisfy the needs of the greedy bastard that'd snatch you away.

"... We'll figure it out, Y/N. We've dealt with much worse to worry about things like that."

"That's true but... I don't know. It's hard to imagine a family life. I like chilling on my own. And I'm still too sad about them to be lovey-dovey."

He scoffed, hitting your back playfully. "So what? Let two hopeless rocks with crippling depression be themselves. Sounds like a plan."

"Now, hear yourself talking about depressing things!" You chuckled and pointed out accusingly at him, stealing his precious hat and putting it on your own head.

He sat up with an exhausted sigh and roughly pulled his hat down your eyes, as his own little revenge, gratified by a small 'Ow!' of response from your end.

He let out a ghost of a smile as you were blinded by his hat, thankful that you couldn't see him even though he knew you'd never tease him for being more expressive.

"Ow, that actually hurt, Jojo, you bastard!"

"Let's go." He stood up before stretching his huge hand out to you, making sure to be careful with your injuries as he pulled you up to your feet with surprising gentleness.

Before you could reach your classroom, you grabbed your friend's arm, prompting him to stop walking in the empty hallways.

"But really, Jojo... Wherever you are, and if you have been pushed into a life that unsatisfies you in the future... think about me, okay? You know that somewhere, I'll be the exact same... You're not alone."

He couldn't help but soften his gaze just slightly. You were a thoughtful person, that wasn't a secret. You already had proven yourself to be compassionate multiple times during your crusade, and you kept on.

You made him realise that he was normal and it was okay to not feel anything. You two could only rely on each other now, and it sure didn't matter to him what people say.

Oh of course he'd heard his classmates gush about how cute you two were and how uncharacteristically sweet he was towards you ever since you came back from your trip.

Because the infamous Jotaro Kujo wouldn't just have a soft spot for just anyone, right? Nobody would believe that he became so gentle just because you were injured, there must be something more, right?

No. Absolutely not. And screw society for fogging people' small brains into thinking that there's an afterthought or innuendo behind every male-female, or even same sex platonic relationships.

He knew well that it made you as uncomfortable as him, but you always brushed it off and let the people talk. Let them believe whatever they wanted.

He never wanted to think too much about it, but he couldn't help but worry as well sometimes. That was the kind of things that pissed him off.

It pissed him off so bad. If it wasn't for you he would have crushed so many skulls already. That would teach some people to shut the fuck up.

"What are you thinking about, Jotaro?"

He blinked, humming questioningly at you as you had taken him out of his transe.

"You just called Star Platinum." You said as you grabbed the Stand's big hand, shaking it around as if to greet him, to which he responded with a whispery 'Ora'.

He sighed heavily, calling his Stand back. "Nothing... Nothing at all."

You chuckled a bit. You've learned to read him quite well overtime. A skill only his mother and Kakyoin had mastered. "I'm worried too, Jojo. Hopefully it will be okay... For us."

You patted his back reassuringly and he smiled.

Wasn't that kind of love enough? Love without obligation, without commitment. Without the consequences. Without gender norms, without standards. Just people caring for each other. Wasn't friendship, camaraderie, sisterhood and brotherhood beautiful enough?

Platonic, unromantic love was much stronger than any other type of relationship. He was satisfied with this form of social contact. He didn't need anything more.

Jotaro Kujo was never a greedy man, after all.

The male was suddenly brought back to his sense when he felt a tiny hand tug insistently at his sleeve, hoping to wake him up from his rêverie.

"Papa, you fell asleep on your desk again..."

Jotaro inhaled tiredly, scratching his head and taking in his surroundings, his study back in his home in Florida. He patted his daughter's head, making her scrunch her face a little.

Was it that late already? He was so used to dozing off after working on his thesis, reflecting on his life and his choices. He had been overworking himself lately. He knew he shouldn't overthink, but he couldn't help it.

"Thank you Jolyne. Go back to sleep now, alright?"

The little girl nodded and trutted out, leaving her father alone to his thoughts.

Jotaro let out another breath, eyeing a certain picture frame, taken in the desert. Hopefully you were living a fulfilling life of your own.

And hopefully you two would get to meet again, and maybe talk again.

Ace to ace.

[kirishwima]

How about Jaehee with an MC whose just so flirty and deeply enamored with her and Jaehee is just sorta confused because shes never gotten this kind of attention.

my bi butt is h e r e for this!!!!

* Jaehee...isn’t used to affection. That’s not to say she doesn’t like it! It’s just foreign as a concept to her, and even with past relationships she always welcomed affection and touches, she was just always confused as to how to reciprocate, never one to initiate anything by herself.

* So when MC began to flirt with her, Jaehee was so. So Confused. Was this MC’s way of joking around? Was it perhaps just them teasing Jaehee?! And-most importantly-how the heck should Jaehee respond?!

* MC would stroll towards Jaehee as they set up their coffee shop to prepare for the morning rush, greeting her with a ‘hey pretty lady~’ before walking back to whatever task they had at hand, as if they didn’t just make Jaehee’s cheeks flush redder than Seven’s hair.

* She’s not proud to say this, but she actually consulted Zen for this. One day he’d come by the coffee shop to chat with his favourite RFA duo, sitting at a table near the counter whilst Jaehee and MC went by to greet him, chatting all together for a while before MC rushed back to the counter to prepare some more orders.

* Jaehee stood there for a long awkward moment before Zen raised a brow, asking if everything was okay. Jaehee sighed and sat across him, her hands awkwardly fiddling with the hem of her apron.

* “I...I’m concerned about MC’s behaviour” she admitted, and that piqued Zen’s curiosity. He leaned in close, a frown on his lips. “What do you mean? Is something wrong with them?” he asked.

* Jaehee bit her lip, turning to glance at MC as they cheerily worked around the coffee grinder. They looked up, noticing Jaehee’s stare and winked with a cheeky smile, prompting Jaehee to furiously turn back towards Zen with a blush.

* “They’re-I know it might just be the way they are, but um-they are very-they’ll compliment me all the time and throw pick-up lines at me at the most random times and yesterday-I was cleaning the espresso machine and they hugged me from behind! They refused to let go even when I told them I have to finish up cleaning, saying they ‘needed to recharge’!” Jaehee shook her head as she recounted the memory, the warmth of MC’s arms around her waist still lingering on her skin.

* “I just...” she sighed, finally looking up at Zen, “I’m so confused. What does it all mean? Is it perhaps a flirtation or is it just their way of being friendly?”

* Zen’s response...wasn’t quite what she’d been expecting.

* “Jaehee....are you bragging about your adorable lovey-dovey relationship right now? To me?! Who has been single for so long now I might as well be lumped into the same category as that Trustfund dude?!”

* Jaehee was taken aback. “Lo...Lovey-dovey?! What, Zen-I’m-Me and MC aren’t-we’re not together!” she stumbled over her words, her heart racing. Was this what it seemed like? Could MC-there was no way MC liked her, was there?!

* Zen blinked owlishly, leaning back on his seat. “You...you haven’t realised?” he asked. Jaehee cocked her head to the side, frown burrowed.

* Zen merely sighed, hid a laugh behind his palm. “I think you should talk with MC tonight. Tell them what you told me. You...you’re an incredibly smart person, but really emotionally blunt aren’t you?” he teased her, making poor Jaehee even more confused than before.

* Taking Zen's advice to heart though, she grinned through the rest of the day, blushing through each of MC’s compliments and flirty remarks, nearly melting into a puddle of affection when at some point during the afternoon lull MC leaned their head on Jaehee’s shoulder, content to hide their face in the crook of her neck.

* As the two closed up shop later that night, Jaehee stood behind MC as they locked the coffee house’s door, humming a cheery tune. 

* “MC...can I ask you something?” Jaehee finally managed to ask, gathering her wits and courage to this very moment. MC turned to her with a small smile. “Of course!”

* She shuffled her feet, looking down to the ground as she felt her heart stutter in her chest. “You um-you say many...affectionate things to me and I do appreciate them-I enjoy your company and your attention but...I just need to know, what does it mean?” she felt her breath hitch in her throat, a nervous lump slowing her down. “What...what do you feel towards me?”

* She didn’t dare look up to MC, merely saw their shoes as they walked to stand in her line of sight, tilting her chin up to face them.

* “Have you really not noticed, or are you just looking for a confirmation?” MC asked, a mischievous smile on their lips as they made Jaehee look back up. They sighed at Jaehee’s bewildered expression, leaning their forehead to rest against hers. 

* “I love you. Jaehee you...you’re the single most wonderful person I’ve ever met, you’re hard-working, gentle, caring, you are so passionate about the things you love and your joy is infectious. I...well, I can’t help but flirt and compliment you whenever I see you, you’re just too cute for words.” 

* Jaehee.exe has stopped responding

* MC?!?! Loved her?! ?! Her?!

* MC leaned back as Jaehee stared on bewildered, her brain shutting down and restarting. As she processed MC leaning away she came back to alertness, tugging them back towards her as she leaned in to kiss them, a short chaste smooch that left them both flabbergasted.

* “I love you too! I um-I just have to ask you of one thing, if we’ll...if we’ll be dating.”

* “Anything” MC replied deadpan.

* Jaehee shook her head, willing her heartbeat to ease. 

* “DON’T FLIRT WITH ME BECAUSE I WILL END UP FAINTING FROM ALL THIS BLUSHING ONE DAY AND IT’LL BE YOUR FAULT!”

* Sorry Jaehee...but this is one wish MC can’t fulfil for u :3c

* Anyway Jaehee blushing is the cutest hecking thing reblog if u agree

-send me mystic messenger head canons for character reactions-

[ddproductionsw77]

At The Kissing Bridge

Fandom: IT (Muschietti Films)

Pairing(s): Reddie (Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak)

Characters: Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier and (Mentioned) the rest of the Losers

Rating: T (Strong language)

Description: Richie takes Eddie to the Kissing Bridge to show him something to ease his doubts about the future.

Author’s Note: So, this kind of just came to me while I was working on another one shot for the Losers and I just went with it. I hope you like it and I apologize to the people who’s requests I have yet to get to for my easily distracted brain. 

Oh QUICK QUESTION: Would you guys be interested in me writing up some of my headcanons for the Losers and the Next Generation Losers?

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A warm summer breeze swept across the tall grasses of the Hanlon property, causing Eddie to pull the hoodie he was wearing, which did not belong to him, closer.

It felt odd, he reflected, looking over his shoulder at the barn glowing from dozens of strings of lights hung carefully across all the rafters by himself and Beverly. Mike had provided the space, Bill’s parents the decorations, he and Beverly the manual labor.

It was odd to know it was the end of something important. To feel like you were standing at a precipice, knowing the only way forward with straight down into something entirely unknown. He had to admit that, sure, high school hadn’t exactly been all rainbows and sunshine but it had been a devil that he’d grown familiar with. College... the future... that was an entirely new monster.

Biting his lip and running his thumb over the raised scar on his palm in the hoodie pocket, Eddie reminded himself that, compared to his past, the future could only get easier. Anything would be better than some of the terrors lurking in his past.

Still, he found himself, sitting alone on a log outside of the Hanlon’s barn the night of his graduation party, scared shitless. Because it was easier to fear what you’re facing rather than something you still can’t explain, perhaps. Maybe because it was just the way he was wired... to be a fucking coward.

At that moment, his friends were feet away, laughing and drinking and dancing to Janet Jackson without a care in the world, but it felt like he couldn’t join them. Like he couldn’t chance infecting them with his damned anxiety. He wanted to be like them, carefree like them, in love with life and possibility like them... it just wasn’t who he was.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice the footsteps approaching through the grass behind him until his guest spoke.

“What are you doing all by your lonesome out here, Eddie?”

Nibbling at his lip, Eddie shrugged, turning his head once again to meet the dark, warm eyes of his boyfriend, “Dunno...”

Richie rolled his eyes, not in a mean way or a teasing way, Eddie could tell, but in a bemused, endeared sort of gesture. A rare moment of genuine emotion from the boy, honestly, one of the moment generally reserved for Eddie alone. Sitting beside him, Richie nudged him with his shoulder, “You’re gonna have to do better than that to get rid of me, Eds.”

Eddie chuckled, quite humorlessly and looked back at the ground, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Richie asked and though Eddie couldn’t see him, he could see in his mind’s eye that cute eyebrow quirk that he always did. “You been steppin’ out on me, lovey dovey?”

Eddie shot Richie a look, adding monotonously, “Ha. Ha.”

“Come on,” Richie reached over, wrapping his arms around Eddie and bring him close. The chill Eddie had been feeling since leaving the barn’s warmth instantly faded away and he felt himself, despite himself, responding to Richie’s touch by snuggling closer. Richie rested his stupidly taller chin on the crown of Eddie’s head, running a hand up on of the hoodie’s sleeves. “I thought you hated this hoodie? You always lecture when I wear it.”

“Smells like you,” Eddie mumbled, slightly abashed, snuggling into the hole-y, monstrosity of a hoodie

“Goddammit,” Richie sighed, hugged his boyfriend closer, “You are so fucking cute, Eds, I can’t stand it.”

Eddie pulled away to glare at him before leaning back in to rest his head of Richie’s shoulder, “Rich?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you scared?”

“Of?”

“The future? Any of it... all of it?” Eddie sounded serious and unsure, leaving Richie little choice but to respond as close to in kind as possible.

“Shit, Eds, I don’t know. I don’t think like you.”

Eddie knew the remark wasn’t meant as a critique, just a simple truth. Part of his love for Richie was born from them not thinking alike, after all. He didn’t snap back, like he might have if they were having a more normal, casual conversation. Now, he didn’t need that. He needed a bit more.

“What if... what if college changes things? Changes us?” Eddie asked, quietly.

“‘Us’ like the Losers?” Richie asked, “Or ‘us’ like you and me?”

“Either... Both.”

Richie shrugged, smiling teasingly when Eddie took his head off his shoulder to shoot him a half hearted glare in response. As his boyfriend returned to his previous position, Richie sighed, “Well, then we change. Fuck, I think that’s kind of the point of college to an extent, Eds. So, sure, something things will probably change but there are somethings that never will.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie asked, unconvinced, “Like what?”

“Like the fact that all of us belong together, like some shitty, fucked-up mosaic. No one’s ever get any of us like we get each other. It’s just never gonna happen. Losers gotta stick together.” Richie eyed Eddie’s head on his shoulder and raised it ever so slightly to gesture between them, “And as for you and me... I mean, I guess I can only speak for myself but I’m pretty fucking obsessed with you. Pretty sure that won’t burn out anytime soon.”

“You don’t know that,” Eddie quipped, sitting up and picking at a sleeve of the frayed black hoodie.

Richie cocked his head to the side, watching Eddie for a moment before jumping to his feet, “I got something to show you.”

“What?” Eddie looked at him, confusedly.

“Yup, come on and get your cute ass up, we’re going somewhere,” Richie ordered, pulling Eddie up now. “Give me your keys.”

“No! Tell me where you plan on going at one in the morning!” Eddie argued, looking over his shoulder at the barn, where Madonna was now playing, “Besides, if we’re leaving, we should go say goodbye.”

Richie followed Eddie’s gaze to the barn and shrugged, taking advantage of Eddie’s distractedness to reach into his front pocket and grab the keys to the car, “They’ll just assume we’re rolling around in the hay or something.”

“That’s disgusting, Trashmouth,” Eddie chased after his boyfriend, trying to snatch at the keys as they approached the car. “Richie, I’m serious! Fucking give me my keys! You’re not on my insurance!”

“I’ve driven your car a million times, smartass, but cute try.” Richie got into the front seat and started the engine, looking across the car to where Eddie stood stubbornly outside of the passenger’s side door, “Get in, my love.”

“Tell me where we’re going,” Eddie snapped back, arms crossed over his chest.

Richie replied easily, “The Kissing Bridge.”

“Oh, ha ha, Richard,” Eddie rolled his eyes, “When was your last drink?”

“An hour and a half ago, I’m seriously good, Eds. I wouldn’t drive you if I weren’t. Now, get in.” Richie answered, waving Eddie in.

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie muttered darkly before finally giving in and climbing into the passenger’s seat. “Where are we going? For real.”

“Told you,” Richie shot him a smirk, “Kissing Bridge.”

“And what does that have to do exactly with what we were discussing before, idiot?” Eddie asked as Richie pulled out of Mike’s long driveway.

Richie laughed and shook his head, “Can you just trust me for once, Eddie Spaghetti?”

He received another cool glare before his boyfriend answered, “I’m in the fucking car, aren’t I?”

“That you are.”

They drove through the night and Eddie tried his best to keep his mind open. He’d wanted a real conversation with his boyfriend, not some stupid goose chase or whatever it was Richie had planned. Sighing, he watched out the window and was surprised to realize that they were indeed driving toward Derry’s notorious Kissing Bridge.

“Okay, what are we doing, Richie?” Eddie asked, “Because I am not hooking up with you on the fucking Kissing Bridge, okay? And besides, that doesn’t prove anything about what will happen in the future—“

Richie pulled to the shoulder right before the bridge and reached over Eddie’s lap to grab a flashlight from the glove compartment, “Eddie, shut the fuck up and follow me, okay? We can save the hooking up for later, if you’re desperate.”

“Me, desperate? Very funny, Richie.” Eddie shot back, following Richie from the car. “You’re the one who get a boner every time I so much as yawn.”

Richie turned to point the flashlight back as him, “Okay, first of all, you know you stretch all sexily when you yawn and you do it on fucking purpose so fuck off, Eddie. And second of all, it was one time! Like right after we’d started having sex, might I add.”

Eddie slapped the flashlight away from his face and shoved Richie gently while smirking to himself. So, maybe sometimes he did stretch when he yawned of purpose... so what?

“Why the fuck are we out here, Trashmouth?”

“Well, if you’d stop distracting me, I’d show you, wouldn’t I?”

“Fine, fine, I’ll just shut up then. A lesson you could take notes on.”

Richie chuckled at his boyfriend and raised the flashlight to the wooden planks of the bridge, glancing from carving to carving. Finally the beam landed on one that caused him to pause and pull Eddie gently toward him by the wrist.

“What?” Eddie asked, turning toward where the beam of light shove of against the white, chipped paint of the bridge. He scanned the area and stopped short upon seeing a pair of initials carved into the wood. “Is that—?”

But the letters were unmistakeable.

R + E

He stepped forward, running his fingers over the clumsily engraved letters, feeling his heart beat faster and his mouth go dry. Turning his head back to Richie, who was watching him, he just barely managed to find his voice, “Did you—?”

Richie nodded, stepping forward and cocking his head to the side as he inspected the carved letters.

Looking between the letters, which appeared worn and old, and his boyfriend, who looked nearly bashful, Eddie’s eyebrows drew together, “But... when?”

Richie sighed and used his free hand to rub the back of his neck, “Uhh... Summer after seventh grade.”

Eddie whirled around time stare at him, eyes wide. “Summer after... but that’s the summer that... we were only 13 that summer.”

“I know,” Richie shrugged and chuckled a little, “I told you before, Eds, I’m kind of obsessed with you. That didn’t just start when we started dating. Look, a lot of shit went down that summer, I know, but figuring out how I felt about you... that’s always been at least one good thing to come out of all of it. I didn’t completely get it then but... Look, Eddie, what I’m saying, in a sort of fucked-up, confusing way, is that I loved you then. I love you a hundred times more now. And I’ll love you even more in the future, college can change whatever else it wants to but it won’t change that. It wouldn’t be possible. You could tell me to fuck off tomorrow and I’d still feel that way.”

Eddie swallowed hard, looking back at the initials carved by a boy he’d once known, a boy who had grown into the man standing there with him now. That boy and his Richie now were different people, just like his Richie now and the one who graduated college four years from now would be different people.

But Richie was right, he’d loved the boy who’d carved their initials into the Kissing Bridge, he loved Richie as he was now and he’d always feel that way. An unknown future couldn’t change that, at least.

Shakily, Eddie looked back at Richie, “D-do you have your pocket knife?”

Richie did that cute eyebrow quirk but reached into his pocket and retrieved the knife, holding it out to Eddie.

Taking it, Eddie carefully butterflied the knife open and delicately went about crouching down before the worn initials. Slowly and taking extreme care, he gently traced over the letters until they were once again clear and plain to read before standing back up, closing the knife and stepping closer to Richie.

“So, you see, right, Eds? We’ll be okay and—“ Richie was silenced by Eddie gripping the front of his t-shirt and tanking him down into a heated kiss.

Barely remembering to keep his grip on the flashlight, Richie wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and pulled him closer, kissing him harder. Eddie, he’d long ago decided, was his favorite taste. Like spearmint toothpaste and chapstick but also so much more complex and wonderful than just that.

Pulling away for air, Richie gasped, “Fuck, I love you.”

“Shh,” Eddie rested a finger against his lips to silence him once again, leaning up on his tip toes to kiss up Richie’s jawline to his ear, “Do me a favor?”

“Hmmm?” Richie hummed, eyes drifting closed until Eddie bit lightly at his earlobe.

“Forget what I said earlier about hooking up on the Kissing Bridge,” Eddie pulled away and grabbed Richie’s arm, leading the way back to the car.

“Oh yeah?” Richie asked, half stupidly and half excitedly.

“Oh yeah,” Eddie laughed and took the flashlight from Richie, turning it off and opening the car door to the back seat to throw it and the closed pocket knife on the floor. He then climbed into the back seat and shot Richie a teasing, questioning look.

Richie did not hesitate to follow after him.

[dearmyblank]

in response to your letter.

-b

it’s six in the morning, and I don’t know if I am even going to send you this.

when I gave you that disclaimer, I wasn’t kidding. I’m not good at this. at being close to someone. I always have walls up even with the people I care about the most.

maybe I’m afraid of loving people. or people loving me. I don’t know. sometimes I want to tell you, but I can’t seem to find the words. there is just this anger inside me sometimes when people get too close. I want, and I don’t want. maybe I’m afraid of being hurt, or maybe I’m afraid of hurting someone else.

I don’t want to hurt anyone. I never have. it is an awful, terrible feeling, and maybe I’m selfish for wanting to avoid it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I can’t seem to open up, why it is always one step forward two steps back with me. why I can’t ever just be in the moment, be sure about something, why I am always in the back of my head finding reasons to leave. I want to run away when someone wants me. I don’t want people to want me, really, and I know that isn’t normal.

maybe I just don’t want to open this door. maybe I know there is something there. maybe I’m terrified of it and want to run away in the opposite direction as fast and as quickly as I can. because I’m not who you think I am. I’m not as good as you seem to think I am, and eventually, maybe I’ll end up hurting you by not being that.

you’re so open. I don’t know how you can be so open with strangers and friends and me. I don’t know what I did to make you trust me so much, and I’m not sure I earned it. you deserve someone who is sure about you. and I’m not.

I’m not sure about anything. life, love, none of it. everything always just seems pointless, and maybe I don’t want that to change because loving something means giving it the ability to hurt you.

I do love you I think—at least a little. I don’t know what sort of love it is. I don’t think it is enough. I mean, if you love someone you want to be with them, right? want to see them and spend time and text back and all of that. don’t you? shouldn’t you? so why don’t I?

every kind gesture makes me feel some sort of hopeless. like I’m not enough. not doing enough or being enough. like I’m not invested enough. I feel like any small part of affection I give you is treated as so much more than it deserves to be.

I don’t deserve it. I haven’t earned it and maybe that’s my messed up head. I don’t want to be essential to someone because then I can let them down. then I can hurt them or break them, and I’m terrified of that. because I’m broken. I gave all my love to someone, and they broke me, and I want to be over it. I want to move on with my life, but I can’t. I can’t find the will to be that open with someone again. it wasn’t even bad. it wasn’t like... it shouldn’t have messed me up like this. God, if I were just normal, I could write the lovey-dovey whatever shit. I could do it well. right now I could write you a response worthy of your letter, but it wouldn’t be honest.

funny how I write about love all the time, and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt it. even with my closest friends or family, a part of me is always making sure that if they left me I would be fine. because somehow I got it in my head that everyone always leaves (which isn’t true and partly my fault anyway).

fuck, I’m tired. I’m tired and rambling, and I’m tired of thinking up ways for this to end. for us to end. tired of just waiting around until you get sick of trying or I get scared and run. run like I always do. even though all everyone ever wants to do is love me.

selfish, really. that’s what it is. I’m a terrible person. an awful human being. who can be offered the greatest thing in the worth and instead of feeling loved and safe, feels threatened and afraid? what wire got crossed? how did I get here? even with my friends, I keep a distance. they all need to make the first move. even r doesn’t know everything about me, clearly, and I worry that I will slip up with them somehow.

I do love you, as much as I am capable of love. I love that somehow you see something in me worth pushing for even though it also scares the shit out of me. I’m awful at expressing affection. verbally and physically. I suck, and I suck, and I suck. (if you do get this it is going to have to be edited a lot).

I’m scared I’ll hurt you. I’m scared I already have. I didn’t mean for you to love me. I didn’t want you to. because being loved is being hurt, you know that? why are you giving your heart away so recklessly? don’t you understand how dangerous I am? how breakable hearts are? how easy it would be? how one thoughtless move could destroy you completely?

and then what?

I don’t know what to do with someone’s heart. with their trust. I’m afraid I’ll break it (break you). and I guess since my worst fear is hurting people then yea, that is why I keep cold, why the walls are up. not just for my protection but for everyone else. I’m afraid of what you’ll see behind it. that it won’t be enough. not against the world. not against my friends.

not strong enough to make me brave.

I really wish it was.

that is the love you deserve. not this weird half in half out kind of love. which right now is all I have in me.

it’s yours, I guess. if you want it.

I don’t know why you would.

-e