#i think a key to writing romance i see missed out a lot is when you have a certain kind of closeness like that with someone

[loverboydotcom]

glimpse into dating beau: annoying

[avelera]

It sounds so self-obvious when you say it aloud, but the key to writing romance is that the characters need to be into each other.

I've seen so many so-called "romances" in mainstream movies and shows that somehow fail to achieve this very simple principle. Usually they're het romances but not always. I've also seen established lgbt+ couples who we're told are married but who never show any particular interest in one another to confirm this supposed love in a show-don't-tell manner.

Below the cut I want to explore how to write love (romantic or otherwise), what makes it work in fiction, and the important difference between why characters fall in love vs. why they choose to pursue or stay with the person they fell in love with, because those distinctions matter.

Let's quickly touch on failed fictional relationships before moving onto functioning ones. Because the thing is, it's important to flesh out relationships and romances if they are written into the story even if they aren't the focus of the story or they are doomed to fail as part of the plot.

I see it a lot of times in fictional relationships that are clearly plot points and so the author doesn't bother to invest in them. If a relationship is established with the protagonist just because this current partner is going to break up with them, thus launching our actual romance plot, then there's a temptation not to fully flesh out that doomed-to-fail relationship.

But to skate over the failed relationship is a missed opportunity for a writer. Relationships reveal a great deal about us, as do failed ones. Even if the relationships don't work out, we get the chance to learn what the protagonist is looking for in a relationship, what didn't work in the failed one, and we get to learn more about their love language. This also requires that we see these romantic partners are into each other, or were into each other, and how, before it went sour. Even if it's one sided and doomed to fail, we need to see what the infatuated side of the pairing was into about the other person. Even if it's just physical, that too is revealing.

Romeo was in love with Rosaline before he fell in love with Juliet. But we don't skate over what he loved about her. We learn that Romeo frequently falls in love, he's often impetuous in love (which we will see carried forward later in the famous balcony scene with Juliet). We learn that he is poetic about that love. We learn how much he loved Rosaline, and whether or not we believe he was in love or think that love is wise, it is important for establishing later, when he meets Juliet, the order of magnitude difference between his love of Rosaline and of Juliet. One left him broken-hearted when he lost her, but he quickly recovered. But Juliet? He was willing to die for love of her. The love of Rosaline set up the contrast in how Romeo loves that would be massively important to the impact of the story later.

I bring up this example because many years ago in a high school lit class, the teacher said that Shakespeare never explains why characters fall in love, and so writers don't have to explain why characters fall in love.

It didn't quite sit with me right, because I think it's only half true. The full maxim, and what writers today can learn with regards to romance is:

You don't have to explain why characters fall in love. You do have to explain why they stay together and/or pursue that love.

Actually, it's often better to not explain why a character fell in love. It's ineffable. It just happens. How often have we met or been introduced to someone who is, on paper, perfect for us with similar interests and compatible families or lifestyles, only to not feel any sort of spark? How many grand romances, in contrast, are about people who on paper are terrible for each other but just can't seem to quit one another and keep being drawn back together?

This doesn't just have to apply to romantic love, by the way. How many people are inevitably drawn back to toxic or abusive parents, even though they know this person has a negative impact on their life? How many people stick it out for friendships that damage their health and self-esteem, all out of love?

Again, you don't need to explain why someone loves, but you do need to explain why they pursue it or stick with it. The reasons can be societal, they can be because of guilt, they can be because of adrenaline, or because of long history together, or if it's a successful romance, it can be because they don't just love each other, they also really really like each other!

Now, this might seem somewhat inherently self-contradictory. I'm saying you have to show that people are into each other but that you don't have to explain why they fell in love??

But showing that people are into each other is actually about why they pursue it and stay with the person. The falling in love itself is simply the gravity between them, the magnetic bond, what draws them together. In fiction, we want that to be powerful, overwhelming, inevitable. If the story is about love, we need to see why these people can't walk away, or can't walk away for long, or are miserable when they do. They are drawn to each other, powerfully, destructively or gloriously.

But you can be drawn to someone without having a single conversation or knowing anything about them. We initially fall in love with our image of a person, what they mean to us, what we think they will be in our lives. Real love is about learning who the real person is and continuing to love and to like that person. Real long-term love is loving that person even when they change from the one you first met, and they love you too as you change. But the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. The love is the pull.

Why characters are into each other, or why they like each other, is the force that makes them continue to pursue that person. The love itself can be the thing they're into, by the way! "I can't get this person out of my head, I can't put it in words, but they haunt me and I'm into them for that," is a totally valid way to build a romance or character relationship without any other things that they like about each other!

But as said, it can and probably should be more than that in a successful love story. The construction of the love and like of the relationship can also be Love + Long History + Physical Attraction + Deep Understanding. Gomez and Morticia Addams love each other, they'd love each other if the other was unconscious, they'd love each other to the grave and beyond. But they're also into the fact that they're both incredibly extra romantics who love demonstrating their fascination to each other, in ways presumably no other partner could keep up with. They waltz at odd hours, engage in thrilling sword fights, raise a family together based on their shared worldview, and stare deeply into each other's eyes at every opportunity. They don't suffer one another, they adore one another's presence and quirks and foibles. They are seriously whackadoodle into each other and we see it in the joy they take in one another, how much they like each other in addition to that love.

Characters who are in love should be obsessed with something about the person. Remember, these aren't real people, I'm not giving real world relationship advice. This is fiction. You can write a tepid relationship but it will be sort of boring to read. That might be the point! The tepid relationship might be in contrast to your protagonists, for example!

But my point is that in all fictional relationships there should be something in which the characters are each other's biggest fan. In mother/daughter familial love, they might love one another's outspokenness on what is important to them, we can see their eyes shine when the mother or her daughter gives that big important speech, filled with love and pride for them, and encouraging their outspokenness at every turn, inspired by it.

If the love is between two brothers, related or otherwise, we might see that love in darker times. A brother has to pick up the other from jail. It is painful, heartbreaking, but he can't turn away, he can't not do it. That's love. But, maybe the brother he picked up cracks a joke on the ride home, makes the other laugh despite himself, and suddenly, he remembers the good side of the love too, that his brother can always make him laugh. This is important because it shows us not just that these brothers love each other, but why they continue to interact with each other despite the pain and disappointment. That might actually be tragic rather than happy. One brother might not be able to escape because of the other's ability to make him laugh. That too is love, not just the magnetic attraction of it but the reason it continues to draw them together inevitably, that ability to understand one another and make the other laugh, when he really should probably walk away for his own sake.

The reason so much slash shipping exists in fanfiction is because very often, platonic love is fleshed out in the mainstream more often between two same-sex characters with greater depth than romantic love. A mainstream show might present us with a couple who we are told are attracted to each other and from there the writers assume that is enough to explain why they got together. Nothing deeper. No spark of liking one another in addition to wanting one another.

But in a buddy cop film, the buddy cops are usually obsessed with each other. They stand up for one another when the chips are down, they save one another in moments of peril, they look into each other's eyes and discuss what is important to them in life, like solving the mystery they're working on, and in doing so find understanding with one another's worldviews. That is infinitely more satisfying as a love story than simply telling me that a beautiful Barbie and Ken of main characters have slept with each other and therefore are dating and "in love".

Obsession is key. But don't get too bogged down in how the love exists. It exists because that's love. And we are fascinated in fiction by powerful love of all sorts. We love characters who don't just suffer each other but are into each other, ludicrously, obsessively, even tragically. Turn up the love to the whackadoodle maximum and break off the knob and I guarantee, you will at the very least have characters that people will watch with interest. We love characters who are obsessed with something, or someone. Their love reveals to us what is lovable about that character or thing, it makes us love them.

And then, because love alone is not always enough, show us the joy that keeps them coming back to each other. Show us some good times mixed in with the bad, tragic as they might be for how they prevent the cutting of ties that maybe should be severed. Show us why they can't give up and walk away. Show us too why they like each other. That is what draws a good love story together.

[blue-grama]

The Sign finale probably should have disappointed me, but... didn't?

It's been a heck of a run lately with Thai BLs that haven't quite stuck the landing, and it's got me pondering why The Sign worked for me despite sometimes feeling like a storyboard for a longer, better show.

I don't think they pulled off the emotional payoff they needed, despite that last reunion scene being so pretty and well-acted, simply because too much happened offscreen, from Khem's recovery from a gunshot wound to the entire multlifetime Tharn/Chalothon dynamic getting resolved without us seeing any of it. But somehow I wasn't that mad about it? And ultimately I think it's because this show did so many things well and so many things I'd love to see more of that I'm just like, yep, I enjoyed that ride sirs, please show me something this gorgeous again. In that sense it's joining something like Manner of Death or Kinnporsche where it's like, plot holes? Yes. Bizarre tonal shifts? Absolutely. Occasionally insane writing choices? Uh-huh. Love it anyway? You betcha. So here's what really, really worked for me:

Premise

I am always going to be onboard with QL that isn't solely coming-of-age or coming out. I'm not against those stories, of course, but give me gay romance with adult characters who know themselves and are doing adult things. I'm also a partisan for romances with high external stakes, so the mixture of crime and reincarnation was catnip to me.

Do I care that none of this training makes any sense? No.

2. Setting

Listen. Is The Sign the reason I have a document on my laptop titled "Imaginary trip to Thailand without ever seeing a beach?" Not exactly. But it's also not not the reason.

I am being willingly manipulated by the Thai Tourism Authority.

Kidding, kidding, but I do love when my Thai shows feel Thai or my Korean shows feel Korean, etc etc. I want to be driven to Wikipedia to learn more! Half the fun of watching stuff from not your own country.

3. Chemistry

I think @biochemjess covered what was underwritten about the romance in The Sign. Billy and Babe carried it on their backs and it was hard to dislike their romance, even when the series skipped over key beats.

Any time the pink lighting came out, you were gonna be in for a good time.

4. The camerawork

I don't know enough about film to speak intelligently about this, but the camerawork and aesthetics of this show were just so lovely to watch. It was really doing a lot. @chaos0pikachu wrote about it better than I ever could.

LOVED THIS. LOVED IT. So good.

We had some really lovely storytelling and visual parallels, too, like the first episode and finale both having a big action warehouse scene, or the multiple times that Phaya and Tharn ended up overlooking the Mekong river.

5. It was always kinda off the rails

I know some people felt this show started out with a strong premise and didn't live up to it, but I gotta say, I didn't have that experience. It was always kinda a bonkers watch for me. There were long training montages, random bodies in the shallows, missing genitals, extended performance art, that comedy flashback to Khem and Thongthai's college years... I never knew what I was going to get each Saturday. And I kind of loved that? I'm into unhinged. I was comparing this in my head to Last Twilight, which did disappoint me in the end, and I think it's because Last Twilight was NOT always bonkers and DID set itself up to tell a straighforward story, then dropped the ideas it had been juggling in the last episode. The Sign always felt chaotic to me, so a chaotic ending was par for the course. This is where I'd compare it to KinnPorsche, which had the weirdest fucking ending, but like, okay??? Why not!

End result? I see the flaws, but I'm giving this show tender forehead kisses anyway. Here's hoping for more like it.

[scottxlogan]

Helllloooozzz I got really into scogan recently and because people never tag it it’s been hard to find domestic family fics for them and family fics are my favourite thing like, ever, and there’s only so many times a kitty like me can attempt to sift thru the mpreg tag to find something readable before it’s noggin goes a bit loose, so have ya got any recs ?? ^w^ I’ve looked up so many rec lists but no one lists family fics specifically :’3

Welcome to the fandom! You'll find a lot of really nice people here who will be able to point you in the direction of what you're looking for as there are some who probably know better than I do. If you're looking to chat with other fans there's a Scogan Events discord at https://discord.gg/FmJ24gFJ6X that takes part in a Scogan related bingo for writing, art, etc and other small events all year long. Plus, there's some great people to chat about Scogan with too if you're looking to interact with others who love the ship.

As for recs, I'm going to throw this out here for some of my followers to see if they have some favorites that might help you find what you're looking for. Off hand I know that Tweedle has written a few family fics with Scogan. They're up at her AO3 page at https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiAnLake/. In terms of my own stories, I know I've done a few and I'll list them below. I'm sure I'm missing some, but if anyone else has some recs/suggestions, please help me out here and add them for @beepmeowz if you can.

My fics (off hand that I can think of them. Not all are domestic fluff, but I'm sure some of my followers here can help out with the list of family stories)

Working It Out (One Shot/Rated T) Logan's stressed after finding Laura with a new companion who wants to be more than friends. Scott does his best to calm his husband down after Logan tries to follow Scott's approach to parenting.

Gone Forever (Multi-Chapter/Rated E) After the events of The Wolverine, Logan goes on a journey of his own to discover truths about the life he put behind him. An accident, a run in from a face from his past and a misunderstanding lead him closer to the truth he'd been seeking out, but will it be the key to his ending or his happily ever after? (This story features Scott as a single parent to a young Nathan as Logan finds himself finding love and embracing the family that was always just out of his reach)

Saturday Morning (One Shot/Rated G) Logan takes a moment to reflect on the blessings he's been given in his life.

We're All Different Now (One Shot/Rated M) When a mysterious woman from the future enlists Logan's help to change the past by saving Charles Xavier's life, Logan finds himself back in time at a pivotal place in time. With his mission to save Charles in mind Logan finds himself distracted by his feelings for Scott Summers, a man he loved and lost years before Logan was given a second chance to make things right. Armed with the mission to change only the fate of Charles and nothing else, Logan is torn between doing what was asked of him and following his heart to find a way to make things right with the one man he'd been forced to face a lifetime without the first time around. Will the second time around prove to be a means of repairing the damage that was done or will Scott and Logan's ill-fated romance repeat the same pattern with disastrous consequences?

And finally this one is a WIP series with a one shot and a multichapter, but it doesn't have a lot of family stuff yet as I have it still working out but it is a series that takes place after the movie Logan where Logan is still alive and finds his way back to Scott and Laura if you will.

It's up at

Scott makes a bold decision to resurrect his fallen lover, but in bringing Logan back to life, will it prove to be the key to saving the future or the key to destruction for humanity and mutants alike? How will Logan adjust to his return to a world that moved on in his absence?:

[lokiina]

I wasn't gonna do it. But I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna kjhdkfjghdkfjg

If you don't want character spoilers I'm slapping this under a readmore but I need to cry a lil about Gale.

So many people just think he's annoying or Solas 2.0 and that's kdghdfkjgh

if it's not coherent I apologize I need to word vomit.

!! also some mental health related TWs ahead as a warning !!

THIS MAN IS SO DEEPLY DEPRESSED. His self worth is so low and it's so heart wrenching to listen to and the writing is incredible.

(A lot of the characters in this game deal directly with like Gods and the abusive relationships they have with them but this is for Gale specifically. Everyone's got their own mess that's it's own thing. )

Holy fucking shit. I don't know if you get some of the dialog options I have gotten if you don't actively romance him but omfg. Man openly admitted to being suicidal so you talking him out of blowing himself up while everyone else including the last love his life is saying "kill yourself" is such a big big deal. Even if the end result is being framed as help. It's not. It's more manipulation and down right fucking EVIL.

His relationship with Mystra is messed up, the power imbalance is fuckin wild and if anyone out of this is expecting a goddess to be the victim when she was clearly a manipulator is unreal. Their situation he was just trying desperately to prove his worth to her and her essentially stringing him along until he wasn't of any use anymore. He wanted Mystra to see him as equal to her, and nothing he ever did was enough for her. Cuz she did not care about him. If it was a proper relationship and she actually loved him back he wouldn't have had to try to continuously prove himself.

He was taken advantage of through his relationship and his entire self worth has been shattered. Now he's not entirely without fault through some of it and acknowledges where he screwed up himself.

When you offer to find another way for him that doesn't end up in him exploding, you kick a lil spark back into him and as someone who's fuckin struggled with self worth and depression. I feel for him so hard. Sometimes it does take another person simply acknowledging your worth to be that lil spark. It doesn't even have to be in a romantic sense.

This man is high key autistic coded. Everything about the way he loves so purely, misses cues on certain things and misunderstands and needs direct clarification on stuff. Ask him about his special interest, magic. The gloom drops in these moments. It's fuckin precious as hell to see him light up.

The writing in this game is fucking phenomenal and I just. I have a lot of deep feels on this whole thing. Every character has so many lil layers to them and I wanna just smooch the whole dev team.

Anyway. He's my fav character out of this chaotic game and I just. I will protect this silly wizard with my life. He deserves good things. Fuck his haters.

I wanna go get some comfy fluffy art of him and my boy.

[sylvies-kablooie]

the problem w loki s2: hey, where did the women go?

this is criticism so if that isn’t your thing you have been forewarned! i knew by episode 2 that something was off compared to s1 and i couldn’t quite place it. was it the sole focus on drab retro futurist TVA aesthetic instead of the colorful cinematography in s1? was it the focus being placed upon this Loom that we just found out is a thing and also Hey we have to stop it right now? Was it the lack of sylvie content?

but i think it just comes down to bad writing and whilst also trying to salvage what we DID get, i would feel dishonest to pretend that my problems with s2 arose from the finale alone. and while there were narrative inconsistencies between the seasons, i think a central error in s2 was sidelining the female characters.

s1 had beautiful themes, including self-acceptance and the power of love, and was building up to a ton of unanswered questions. a central theme of s1 (like it or not) was the connection between sylvie and loki. it was intended by waldron and herron from the start to be a romance, but beyond the romantic aspect, sylvie was the driving force of the show. she’s the variant the TVA is chasing, she’s the one who reveals that the TVA is a lie and makes everyone question what they were taught, it’s her that plunges the blade into HWR and opens the multiverse- and it’s no secret that in s2 she was largely off screen, only to show up at key plot points and kind of make things difficult rather than allow a further explanation into her character. and i could and might make a whole post on the sidelining of sylvie, but also- renslayer.

we saw a lot of renslayer in s1! she was pretty damn integral to the plot. her connection with mobius was fascinating, her dedication to doing what she saw as the right thing even when she learned all her gods were dead, her willingness to prune her best and maybe only friend to protect the big TVA lie- that was captivating. she’s also the first character we get to see the real non-TVA life of! she’s a principal at a school! and what did we get from her in s2?

she throws the book at victor, we learn she was his general and she’s Mad, and then exiled to the void. she’s barely there this season despite being central to s1! why, when you have an actor as talented as gugu mbatha-raw, would you not take advantage of that! we see threads of what COULD have happened in her storyline- her alliance with miss minutes, realizing maybe they never needed him at all- but at the end she’s pruned, thrown in the void and That’s That’s, stay tuned to see if anything happens in one of the endless future installments. we get that amazing I’m order line, and then what? and what type of order is she even representing? why is she so willing to toss mobius to the curb? you see why we need more development here?

b-15 met a similar fate. actually, i was really excited at the start of s2 to see her get her moment defending the new branches, realizing those were people, seeing the grief on her face; remember, sylvie showed her her life on the timeline, so this is personal for her. but she’s also quickly regaled to the side after her speech in the war room. she was a doctor, she is VERITY WILLIS, but do we get into any of this? No! (I also didn’t like her willingness to negotiate with Dox after the bombed the timelines, saying deep down I know you’re good right after we watched her cry over the devastation that had brought to the timelines, but maybe that’s another point)

and dox? what’s the deal with her! we are introduced to this strong general with a weird connection to brad, someone who is willing to go against TVA orders to bomb the timelines in the defense of what she believes is right, but then- squashed in a cube. that’s that. no examination into why she would be willing to betray the TVA in that way but also NOT join renslayer, no explanation into what was going on w brad.

(brad is worth a whole separate post but this is focusing on the ladies so just keep that in the back of your mind)

and back to sylvie. i saw some people point out how gross her being frozen during the final battles between her and loki was; how it eliminated her agency and allowed the men to have a Serious Talk. i have to say i agree with that judgement. in this season we get to see glimpses of what sylvie wants, but the unresolved relationship (whichever way you wish to characterize it- you do you!) between her and loki just hangs in the air like a heavy storm cloud i kept waiting to break but it… didn’t. the closest we got was the pie room scene, but everything between them was stilted and awkward when she was onscreen, which wasn’t that much.

it was almost as if the connection with loki was considered in opposition to her role as a Strong Woman, in a way- she was Strong and Angry. in s1 we see sides of her that defy stereotype- giving that doomed child her candy to ease the pain, her admitting to loki that she numbed herself with flings; there’s a vulnerability there, a complexity. the two of them rehashed their first fight again and again instead of moving onto something new (that being said sophia’s performance in episode 3 added a weight to the story that pleased me greatly) but overall she was regarded as a plot obstacle to be hidden away- at least past episode 3.

anyway i do think it comes down to writers biting off more than they could chew and losing the central concept of the show and focusing on sciencey plot rather than characterization. you can’t make season 1 centered around a love story and then pretend that didn’t happen and expect a cohesive transition between seasons. you can’t bombard us over and over again with the centrality of loki and sylvie’s duality- all of the we’re the sames, all of the i’m not you’s, and then move into s2 deciding it’s time to focus on only one half of that duo you spent the whole series focusing on.

you also can’t give us a “aHH we’re all gonna explode” thing over and over again and expect us to give a damn when you’re not letting the characters have dialogue that makes us say, oh man, i hope this loom thing doesn’t blow up, because i want to see where the connections they have going on end up! you can’t replace emotional weight with a ticking time bomb and expect it to do the work for you.

there are other problems with the series as well, and other people are far more articulate than i am, but the lack of female gaze and only one episode having a female writer this season was glaring, imo.

thank u for coming to my tedtalk and i’d love to hear ur thoughts!

[thisismysecondrodeo]

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Ted Lasso x Reader Love is a gamble we play and you've got much safer odds [3-part series] (on ao3) - Angst/Romance Between your friendship with Beard and your relationship with Ted, you've got a good thing going in Richmond. Doesn't mean you're not still nervous when Henry comes to town. And it definitely doesn't mean you can hold in your jealousy when it turns out Michelle comes along too.

Ted Lasso x Reader Bad Dreams [2-part series] (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Fluff Tumblr request: would love to read your take on what happens when the boys are on an away game and you're home with the little lasso but then you wake up from a nightmare? i feel like the kid being like his father would make you fall even harder for your little family + sequel: Ted is present for a nightmare

Ted Lasso & Jaime Tartt Jamie's Sick Day (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Fluff Tumblr request: If you’re accepting Ted Lasso requests, can I humbly BEG for some Ted taking care of a sick Jamie??

Ted Lasso x Reader Wedding Day [2-part series] (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Fluff Tumblr request: Ted and reader's wedding day. Ted standing on one side of the door frame, holding her hand while she works through her nerves not about marrying him (she's never been more sure she wants to marry him) but more about accidentally tripping, or that her dress isn't nice enough, what is the press going to say + sequel: what about the angst of the roles being reversed?

Ted Lasso x Reader Missing/Wanted (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Angst/Romance Tumblr request: Can I request a Ted × Reader angsty fic where Ted and reader both have had an awful few days and they misdirect their anger towards each other, they both say a few things to each other which they really don't mean and one of them just storms out and then the other sort of spends the whole night finding them unsuccessfully....

Ted Lasso x Reader Baby it's Cold Outside (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Fluff Tumblr request: It has been super cold outside, so naturally I’ve been thinking about Ted warming Y/N up after they come in from outside (absolutely freezing). He seems like the kind of guy to have a lot of body warmth 🔥

Coach Beard x Trent Crimm Men of Mystery (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance Based on a Tumblr Drawing: Trent Crimm locks his keys in his car. Beard knows what to do about that.

Ted Lasso x Reader Home for the Holidays (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance Tumblr request: i know ted says he and michelle have been together since high school but can we please see "My family invited an old friend for the holidays and they're my first love"?

Ted Lasso x Reader Loved and Cherished (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Fluff Tumblr Request: I'm having post episode feels. What about just finding ways to cheer Ted up and telling him how much you love and cherish him

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Ted Lasso x Reader Fightin' Words (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance Tumblr request: Sleeping with Other People inspired—ted punching someone to defend his love??? we need your take on that pretty please??? and they being the only one that gets him to take a step back??? so beard is like....wait...you're down bad, my friend.

Ted Lasso x Reader Medication (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Hurt/Comfort Tumblr request: I was hoping you might write a blurb about Ted finding out that his partner is medicated when she stays with him the first time and just not wanting her to feel bad about having to take medication for her mental health

Ted Lasso x Reader The Breakup (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Angst/Romance Tumblr request: i'm in desperate need of you writing a blurb where the reader panics over the fact they are sure ted is about to break up with them (he is not) and he calms them down and its sweet and loving and he stays. name your price, my friend.

Ted Lasso x Reader Sick Fic (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Light Hurt Comfort Tumblr request: Ted helping his partner feel better when they're sick.

Ted Lasso x Reader Too Needy (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Angst/Romance Tumblr request: Ted's partner is worried about being too needy for him, which is a feeling Ted understands all too well

Ted Lasso x Reader Tickle-Me-Ted (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Fluff Tumblr request: thinking about ted holding something out of y/n’s reach to tease her, so she tickles him and he starts giggling and blushing

Ted Lasso x Reader Faint of Heart (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Hurt/Comfort Tumblr request: I had a fainting spell at work today and it was scary because people helped but then I was alone...I was wondering if you could write for Ted or Jason when the reader fainted at work in front of him?

Ted Lasso x Reader Striptease (Tumblr Only) - Romance/Fluff Tumblr Request: ted doing a striptease to pony by ginuwine

Ted Lasso x Reader Camping Codependency (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Fluff Tumblr request: just imagined ted and reader taking the Richmond team on a team-building adventure (camping). Ted and reader share a tent, but obviously have to be suuuuuuuuper quiet while they get down to it…

Ted Lasso x Reader High for Hallmark (Tumblr Only because its so short) - Romance Tumblr Request: Just finished episode 2 & I just know that Jason loves hallmark movies just like Theodore is it too much to smoke a bit and chill on the couch watching cheesy Christmas rom coms nowhere near Christmas with him?

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Ted Lasso x Rebecca The Oh Moment [2-part series] (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Light Smut Based on this tumblr post: the "oh. oh." moment in fan fic but instead of a character realizing they're in love it's them discovering they have a specific kink at the worst possible moment. Part 1 has Rebecca taking part in a team tradition, and Part 2 Ted experiences a dinner gone wrong...or right?

Ted Lasso x Reader Crushin' (on) You (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Light Smut Tumblr Request: Thinking about ted tying me up 😶 or ted laying on top of me. His slutty forearms and his strong thighs. Sigh. horny ted thoughts

Ted Lasso x Reader Touch Tank (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Light Smut Tumblr Request: would you consider writing a ted/reader fic where an extremely touch-starved reader is fascinated with ted's hands and playfully baits him into tickling them? those hands teasing and kneading in search of the best ticklish spots

Ted Lasso x Reader Crushin' (on) You (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Light Smut Tumblr Request: Thinking about ted tying me up 😶 or ted laying on top of me. His slutty forearms and his strong thighs. Sigh. horny ted thoughts

Ted Lasso x Reader Touch Tank (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Light Smut Tumblr Request: would you consider writing a ted/reader fic where an extremely touch-starved reader is fascinated with ted's hands and playfully baits him into tickling them? those hands teasing and kneading in search of the best ticklish spots

Ted Lasso x Reader Aftercare (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Referenced Smut Tumblr Request: sub Ted needs reader (any gender) to provide lots of fluffy aftercare

Ted Lasso x Reader Vacation Bae (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Light Smut Tumblr Request: obsessed with thinking about how ted would react to seeing y/n in more revealing clothes for the first time; short shorts, a crop top, a bikini, maybe some lingerie that y/n picked out just for him

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Ted Lasso x Reader Getting Ready [4-part series] (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Smut Tumblr request: Imagine how sweet and spicy getting ready for an event with Ted could be! + sequel: Dom Jason × Sub reader smut would be so hot if you're comfortable with that and then Jason being so adorably cute and caring during the aftercare + triology: D/S dynamics outside of the bedroom + Bonus chapter 4 I forgot about lol

Ted Lasso x Reader Operation Seduce Ted (on ao3) - Smut You've been dating Ted for a while and things seem like they're going well...so why haven't you slept together? Enter Operation Seduce Ted.

Ted Lasso x Reader Healing Hands (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Smut Tumblr request: ted giving y/n a massage?

Ted Lasso x Reader Hot Chocolate (Tumblr Only) - Smut Tumblr request: Y/N and ted are having a nice cup of hot chocolate on his sofa when he spills his cup all over himself 🤭 not to worry though, because he takes his shirt off to deal with the stain… which heats things up,,, mmmh shirtless ted

Ted Lasso x Reader School Daze [5-part series] (consolidated on ao3) - Fluff/Smut/Angst Tumblr request: what if reader went to college w ted (before he met michelle) just someone he casually knew from class and had a crush but never did anything and they run into each other all those years later in richmond and they talk about how they both liked each other but never said anything

Ted Lasso x Reader A Little Tied Up (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Smut Tumblr request: Cannot I humbly ask for Ted being tied down on the bed for reader to use as she wishes for the night?

Ted Lasso x Reader Hit the Showers (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Smut Tumblr Request: i am DYING to read some facesitting with ted. i’m thinking the reader is super hesitant at first when ted suggests it, but he soon wins her around, especially with the feel of that amazing moustache

Ted Lasso x Reader Hush Your Butt [2-part series] (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Light Smut Tumblr Request: thinking about ted worshipping y/n’s body

Ted Lasso x Reader This Seat Taken? [2-part series] (Tumblr Drabbles Series on ao3) - Romance/Smut Tumblr Request: sitting on Ted’s lap in public (maybe at a party) and moving around to tease him 😈

Ted Lasso x Reader Full Stop (Tumblr Drabble Series on ao3) - Romance/Smut Tumblr Request: Do you think you would be up for writing some super soft period sex with Ted Lasso? 👉🏻👈🏻

All Multi-Chapter Fics ->

Back to the Masterlist ->

[tillthelandslide]

Same For You (7) Hate Missing You

Series Masterlist

(6) The Dinner

Series Warnings: slow burn romance, eventual smut, age gap, complicated relationship (low-key unhealthy dynamics), eventual love...

Taglist: @scooby-doodoo @thereisaplaceintheheart @theoriginalwhatsername @eaglestar31 @thefrontofmymind @fallingforel @partoftheairforce @procrastinatinglikeapro @poisonmedaddy13 @xthe1975 @all-things-fic @jstbeeingme @rossgirly @juliardk (add yourself using the link in my bio 😊)

A/n: hi everyone 👋 just wanted to say a huge thank you to all the support on this series so far, it means a lot to me. I hope you continue to enjoy it, let me know what you think, my inbox is always open so share your thoughts, predictions, what you'd like to see, who you're rooting for, whatever 💞 also once again, next part will be posted once this reaches 100 notes :) - love Lou

She had been avoiding both of them like the plague. She had seen Charli a few times, the girls going for drinks a few times, but neither of the men were mentioned once, a clear rule y/n set down the moment they were with each other. She was thankful Charli didn't mention it, she didn't press, didn't demand a reason as to why she didn't want to talk about either of the guys. She had even spoken to George a few times and seen him twice, the two of them chilling in his and Charli's house and sharing ideas for songs, Y/n sharing some demos that George took to work on.

The distance didn't stop either of them from constantly texting or calling her. They both started to get worried when she took a while to reply, or didn't pick up the phone. She would text back hours after their messages were sent, with an excuse, although most of the time they were in fact true, such as "sorry been writing with this artist" which was true, but she had only allowed said artists to book time in with her so she could distract herself.

She was currently sitting in the garage, working with an independent artist called Emma, she had written a song for her and they were currently recording it. She currently was sat alone at her computer, they were taking a quick break so Emma could smoke in her back garden, outside the shed. She's distracted by the buzzing of her phone, Matty's name lighting up her screen with a picture they had taken from the day they got coffee. She had since changed his name, seeing "bestie" every time he called was just confusing her further.

Emma walks back in as she stares at her phone.

"You can take that if you want" she says and y/n shakes her head.

"no it's okay" she says, turning her phone over so their picture isn't staring back at her.

"Nothing important" she tells herself this although she knows it's a lie. She missed hearing his excited voice on the other side of the phone, missed the late night phone calls when he'd ramble about music and art. They finish the song and Emma leaves, by that point it's pretty late at night.

When she eventually looks at her phone she sees 6 missed calls from Matty and 4 messages, 4 missed calls from Ross and 6 messages. She sighs deeply texting both of them the same message.

"Sorry was in the studio working with a girl called Emma" it only takes a minute to receive two texts back.

"Been working a lot recently, don't wear yourself out love... P.s miss you xx" - Ross

"No worries darling, look at you go aye! Miss you xx" - Matty

She ignores both messages, leaving her home studio and returning to her house.

The truth is she misses them both, so much. But she needed time to think, not that she had done much of that. She had been making herself busy so she was distracted and it didn't leave much time to think. She wasn't doing herself any favors and she knew that.

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The band do their usual set in the usual bar in Soho, the same, usual people standing right at the front. Her eyes flick to the back table where they're usually sat, but she doesn't spot them. Charli is sat with George, and their overlapping friendship groups. Carly and Adam are even here. But they aren't there. Ross and Matty...

They hadn't come. She shouldn't really be surprised, not only had she been avoiding the two of them but they were an internationally famous band who clearly had better things to do than seeing a small band perform. She knew they were on a break from touring, hence why she had seen so much of them recently, but she still wouldn't be surprised if they had other things to do.

The cheers from the crowd don't feel as good, not when she knows they aren't there screaming along. She didn't know what she expected, she had brought this upon herself. When they get off the stage her band goes to greet their friends, but she exits the building, grabbing a cigarette from her pack hidden in her pocket. She shakes the thought that she was being rude away from her brain. She hadn't officially met Carly yet and felt bad that she hadn't immediately went over and introduced herself, but she needed a fag, right now.

The door opens behind her and a pair of arms wrap around her frame, a sweet scent following behind them. Charli.

"You smashed it as always" she says, pulling back from the hug.

"Thanks" she murmurs, taking a sharp inhale of her cigarette.

Charli doesn't mention either of the men and she doesn't know whether she's thankful or whether she wants to hear the reason they're not here. She stays quiet, silently smoking her cigarette. The dark haired girl's hands finds her shoulders, pulling Yn so she's facing her. She had hoped they'd be here, that she was forced to see them, she could tell herself it was out of her control, that she couldn't do anything about it. She could pretend she had no other choice, when in reality she just wanted to see them. Being without them both, was torture.

"Hey are you okay? What's going on with you?" She says and y/n sighs deeply. She wants to tell her, she wants to tell her everything. She knew she wouldn't judge and truly she was the only person she could see who wouldn't hate her for the whole situation. The band would say she's messing up their chances. George would probably feel entitled to tell his friends, for they were his best friends in the whole world. And she didn't have anyone else to tell. She couldn't tell either of the men in question because they wouldn't understand and she could (and probably would) lose both of them.

"I'm just tired Char... Promise" she drops her cigarette and allows Charli to pull her into a hug.

"If you need to tell me anything... I'm here" she says and y/n mumbles a thank you. One thing that the absence of Matty and Ross had caused was her close bond with Charli, she was thankful for that.

"Now come join us" so she does, she sits with Carly and Adam, introducing herself to the smiley girl. She compliments Y/n and her band, mentioning "the guys wouldn't shut about you... you put them to shame really" it makes her laugh and the three begin talking about all sorts. Matty and Ross slip from her mind a little bit, not fully disappearing but slightly less present. The group laughs and has fun and she's distracted again. Blissfully blocking both men out. Fairly successfully too.

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A pile of scrunched up papers are scattered around her, the studio floor barely visible through the white sheets. She arrived early this morning, surprised to see George already at the sound board, editing bits and bobs. She has avoided both Ross and Matty for exactly 6 days now, but she knew today that would come to an end, she'd be forced to be near them and she knew that her unclouded mind would be foggy again and she'd be right back at square one, just as confused as ever.

One particular loud sigh (among other annoyed, restless and agitated noises) draws George from his work at the computer, spinning around in the chair and looking at her.

She looked tired, bags were under her eyes and he noticed how her thumb on her left hand was bleeding slightly. He leaves the room, going to the bathroom of the studio and grabbing a sterile wipe and a plaster. He approaches her slowly, leaning down and sitting with her and even that doesn't draw her attention away from her notebook. He gently takes hold of her left hand, bringing it towards him, and that's what makes her look at him.

"What are you doing?" She asks, eyes briefly drifting away from her writing and landing on George's hand. It's a funny sight, his huge hand, the most gentle she had ever seen it, holding hers as he cleaned her abuse. It was a sweet moment, between two friends and she was thankful for it.

"You're bleeding love" the "oh" that falls from her lips before her eyes are back on her book and she's withdrawing her hand from him, tells him everything he needed to know. This was a common occurrence for her, they hadn't spent enough time alone together for him to know what she was like when she was anxious or agitated, he didn't know the tell tell signs of such feelings. But he takes her hand back into his as he tears the packet with his teeth.

"Let me do this for you okay?" He asks and she nods, allowing him to clean the wound, the blood (although not very much) sleeps into the wet fabric and it stings slightly. She flinches and he murmurs a sorry.

"Talk to me... What's up?" He asks. Truth is he didn't know her all that well, but he wanted to, just like Ross and Matty... Well maybe not just like them. He wanted to be her friend. They had spent a fair amount of time with each other but it was mostly for work. Of course, she was easy to get along with and George saw just as Matty and Ross did, that she was kind and a good person to be around. He cared for her already, he supposes that was something obvious about her, she drew people in, even just as friends. They wanted to know her.

"Nothing what are you talking about?" He furrows his eyebrows at her and scoffs.

"The scrunched up and ripped paper around the room says otherwise love"

"I just can't get this song right okay?" She says and he nods as he wraps her thumb in a plaster, letting her take her hand back.

"thanks"

"No worries... Whats the song about?" She thinks it's the first time in the whole time they've been working together, that someone has asked what the meaning of the song was and it throws her off for a second.

"I want to write a song about... how I always go after the wrong guy... Always end up getting my heart broken" she explains and George nods. He pulls her notebook and reads the words out loud.

"My brain twists and turns Craving for a touch that burns Every time I try to put myself first I drown in this pain, my heart might burst I wish it didn't have to hurt so much I'm in a million pieces, my soul I can't touch I'm screaming inside, my emotions I can't clutch" his eyebrows furrow, thinking about he words, before he looks up at her.

"what's wrong with this? It's good"

"i don't feel like it captures how I feel" he nods along.

"how do you feel?" It's a simple question, but the answer is far from simple, she doesn't know how to explain it, which is why she thinks she's struggling to get it into the paper in front of her.

"Okay... We're doing this then?" She asks and George looks confused, furrowing his eyebrows at her.

"What do you mean?"

"If I tell you, you have to promise it doesn't leave this room"

"of course... Now explain" she's thankful that he's there for her, that he wants to know. She's aware this is the first person she would've even hinted at how she was feeling.

"So I always seem to go for guys who just break my heart... And now... Hypothetically there might be a guy who is so god damn good and pure... And what... What if I don't deserve that? What if the reason I loved so hard before but ultimately got my heart broken .. is actually because I just don't deserve it and what if... I'm pushing him away because it might actually be good for once" she asks and George frowns.

"that's what I want to write about"

"Well purely hypothetically... If said guy is perhaps one of my best mates... Hypothetically I'd say you do deserve that love" she shakes her head at his words. She briefly wonders which one he's referring to, but shakes the thought from her mind.

"listen y/n... If you loved the wrong person that deeply, imagine how deeply you'll love the right one... And if they're the right person... They'll love you just as much"

"you're quite wise George Daniel" she leans her head onto his shoulder as a silent thank you and he smiles. She thinks about mentioning Matty, explaining that she felt something (although what and how deeply was not clear yet) but before she gets the chance, the door opens revealing both Matty and Ross who both smile at the sight of the two of them. Suddenly they're both right there again, stabbing at her heart and mystifying her brain , she realises her attempt to avoid them, to ice them out was futile because they're there, clouding her every thought, painting her brain with beautiful hews of Ross and Matty.

"Are you bonding?" Matty's voice rings out and both of them groan as they stand up.

"Shut up" George says as he returns to the sound desk. Matty walks towards her and is quick to pull her into a hug.

"hi" he says smiling down at her.

"Hi" she smiles back. Matty leaves to look at what George has been working on and she takes the time to walk over to Ross, who is smiling widely down at her.

"Hello stranger" he says and she feels guilty immediately but allows him to pull her to him, hugging her tightly. His lips graze her cheek quickly, not able to help himself. He breathes in her hair as he mumbled a "miss you". She's half expecting him to say something about how she was clearly avoiding him but he doesn't and she's unbelievably thankful for that.

She doesn't tell him she misses him back, she just smiles into his chest, finally pulling away when she hears Matty and George talking.

"How was the show on Saturday? Sorry I couldn't make it, Jamie needed me for a dirty hit thing" Matty explains and she smiles.

"Yeah it was good... George and Char came... And Hann and Carly too" she says and Matty raises his eyebrows. Her voice is slightly withheld, withdrawn, distant. He frowns at her, it was like two strangers talking to each other, like this conversation was more of a duty rather than between two friends who were genuinely interested in catching up.

"Good...." He says turning back to George who frowns up at him. She goes back to the papers, collecting the crumpled up ones and discarding them, Ross joins her. And his presence is suddenly too close for her so she stands immediately.

"I'm going outside for a bit" she announces, leaving before anyone has a chance to say anything.

When she's gone, the three guys share a look, and it's a matter of time before one of them speaks up.

"what's going on with her?" Both Ross and Matty ask George at the same time. He feels like a deer caught in the headlights. He quite successfully feigns ignorance, shrugging his shoulders. But then he feels it's not fair on his best friends.

"Maybe you should talk to her instead of asking me" George says, turning back to his screen.

"Mate I've been trying all week..." Matty speaks up

"she's been busy mate" Ross says and Matty's eyes find his.

"You know that's bullshit... She doesn't need to work with other people, she's doing this for a reason" he then argues. Ross cant argue with his logic, he can't find a fault to his reasoning, because it was true. It was obvious she was avoiding both of them, but neither knew why.

"I don't know what you want me to say" George says. Matty is then leaving before Ross gets a chance to attend to her first. He wanted to be the one to console her if she needed it, but of course Matty beat him to it.

"Just leave them mate, trust me... You're good. She's fine" Ross doesn't know what George means, but he shrugs and sits down anyway, eyes trained on the door just waiting for the moment it opens and she's back again.

Matty finds her smoking, nearly at the end of her cigarette. His eyebrows raise at the sight, not knowing she smoked. He doesn't comment though. He stays silent for a second.

"You've been avoiding me... Why?" He asks abruptly making her turn to look at him before turning back away from him.

"I haven't Matty... I've been busy" again it feels like a stranger is talking to him, not someone who he was considering to be one of his closest friends now. Not someone who got him, who he cared deeply for.

"If you say so love..." He inhales a puff of his own cigarette and suddenly her eyes are on him, watching as he breathes it out deeply. She's missed him, that much was obvious.

"Enjoy the vinyl I sent you?" He asks and she nods, eyes trained on the cigarette lying limply in-between his teeth as he talks, his hands clasped around his phone as he types something out. He doesn't see her nod so his eyes snap up, awaiting an answer.

"Yeah... Been playing it a lot recently actually" she says, and it sounds like her again, not withdrawn or pulled back, just her. His friend, his y/n.

"What's your favorite?" He asks and she pauses to think. He shoves his phone back in his pocket, fingertips clasping the cigarette again, his other hand dropping to his side. She suddenly feels the urge to take his hand in hers but she doesn't.

"I love all of them... But Sad To Breathe or Boyhood are my favorites at the moment" she says and Matty smiles.

"I'll tell Amber... She'll love that" she smiles at that.

"Sunshine Baby is a great song too" his eyes sparkle, and they smile at each other. He steps forward and she lets him, he drops his cigarette and so does she as he wraps his arms around her.

"Missed you, y'know" he says, face burying into her hair.

"Missed you too Matty" she admits. He doesn't ask why she was avoiding her again, he doesn't bring it back up and she doesn't know how to feel about it.

"You can avoid me all you want... But don't do that to Ross, he doesn't deserve that" his words are like a ton of bricks falling on her and she doesn't know how to react. So she doesn't, she just nods and murmurs a silly little "sorry"

"Let's get back inside" he says and she agrees, walking back to the studio with his arm hooked over her shoulders as he asked questions about the girl she was working with.

"I actually ended up writing a song after working with her that I really like" Ross and George catch that part of their conversation, both smiling at her before George speaks up.

"Let's see then" he says, she retrieves her notebook from where she discarded it, flicking to the right page, she wonders whether she should show them this. Would this reveal too much? she thinks. She hands the book to George first, his eyes flick over the words as Matty and Ross watch. She stands next to him, bringing her thumb that is wrapped in the plaster to her mouth before realising she couldn't abuse it like usual.

Matty notices the plaster, so does Ross, both wondering what happened. The injury was minor, but the both of them were still worried.

George's eyes find hers and he raises his eyebrows, silently asking "you sure?" she nods at him and he nods back.

"I like it" he confirms, handing her back the book. She passes it to Matty, him and Ross read it together.

Hate Missing You: I'm drowning in sadness without you, can you hear me? Hold my breath and count to three, who am I without you? You're the part of me I cannot see, won't you just let it be? I miss the feeling of being home, I feel lost without you I miss you but the feeling of my heartbeat makes me nervous That way you smile and my heart skips a beat, it makes me dizzy Sorry for the distance, it's tearing me apart, it's hard And there's no way to return your message from my heart So I make myself busy, giving me an excuse as why I can't see you, I can't choose between two halves of myself

They're lost for words, both looking at her, not speaking. She feels unbelievably nervous, awaiting a response that doesn't come for a few moments.

"This is.... its good Y/n/n" Matty says, she senses that its not all he has to say. If she could creep into his mind she'd see all his thoughts and she'd notice there was so many of them. Who was this about? Is this really how she felt? Is she okay? How can he help?

"It's powerful, raw.... its good love" Ross then says, but again she senses that he wants to say more. He wanted to know who this was about. Who got to have these hauntingly beautiful words written about them? Who was the one she missed? And how could he take the pain away?

They begin working on the song, Ross records some bass lines in the absence of Clara, Matty and Y/n both record some guitar bits and Y/n also records some piano bits. George adds in some simple drum beats.

Things with Matty seemed okay, almost back to normal. But things with Ross were suddenly different and she wasn't sure whether she liked it or not. Sure, lingering touches that screamed "I want you" were still shared, and looks that shouted "my soul yearns for you" happened more often than not. But ever since having dinner at Charli and George's house, ever since she kissed his cheek and left him on her door step, ever since she woke up from that blissful dream, something had shifted. They seemed to be avoiding things more, he hesitated before making his usual comments, comments that were once flirty seemed a little bit apprehensive now.

She knows he's only doing what she said, she told him they couldn't, so he was trying to respect that. But sometimes, when that thought slipped from his mind, the normal things that were 'them" happened, like those touches and stares. But even through that, something felt off. Her mind was still reeling from him holding her thigh with such a grip that it was as if she was his anchor keeping him on the ground. She swears she can still feel the way his thumb grazed the skin, even 6 days later, 6 torturous days she spent avoiding him. And she'd be lying if she said she hadn't found herself staring at those hands of his one too many times when he played the bass.

She excuses herself from the studio and the three men, explaining that she just needed a moment alone. They had been working for what felt like hours now and she couldn't handle one more of those longing looks from Ross, or one more of those eyebrow raises from Matty when he caught her staring at Ross.

She finds her coat that she had hung up upon her arrival, slipping her arms through it and going outside. Her hand finds the inside pocket, finding the pack of cigarettes she reserved for special occasions like this. When she was well and truly confused and stressed. She lights the cigarette easily, she takes three long drags before the door opens.

She knew it was only a matter of time before one of them found an excuse to join her, despite her request to be alone. She rolls her eyes slightly as she looks at Ross, who has his eyebrows raised at her, eyes flicking towards the cigarette in-between her fingertips.

She chuckles and shrugs her shoulders. He hadn't seen her smoke before and it was clear it wasn't a common occurrence, and that fact alone makes him wonder why she needed one now.

"Are you okay love?" He asks and he truly knows something is up when she just nods and deters the conversation.

"How'd you manage to get away from them?" She asks and he laughs, pulling his own pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one. She gives him the same look he gave her, sure she had seen pictures of him smoking, but she had thought he was more of a social smoker. This might have proved that, that was not the case.

He raises his eyebrows back and says a quick "sorry to disappoint you" which she just shakes her head at, for she was also smoking so she didn't care if he did too. It was actually kind of hot. Oh for God sake woman stop.

"Matty got a phone call so I slipped out and said I was going for a fag... George didn't care..." Ross explains and she nods.

His eyes wander over her features, taking in the way she's breathing deeply, in and out, smoke falling from her lips and nostrils. She smokes effortlessly and Ross can't help but like the sight. She looked good, as always, slightly tired but just as beautiful as the first time she took his breath away. But something was off, that much was clear.

"Are we okay?" He asks and she nods, but doesn't speak.

"Maybe try that again... But more convincing" he says and she can't help but laugh. She takes one last puff and drops the cigarette to the floor, stubbing it out with her booted foot.

She steps towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist, needing a hug from him more than anything. The door that was cracked open, is now swinging open, nearly snapping off it's hinges.

"I'm sorry I've been off and avoiding you... Just didn't know how to act around you" she admits into his chest. He forgets about the cigarette he was nursing, dropping it to the floor and letting it burn out as he allowed his arms to wrap around her. He rests his head on top of hers, breathing her in. The new mix of her with the addition of tobacco is even more addicting and he can't help but sigh.

"Don't be sorry... It's hard, I've felt it too... all day in fact" he admits and she feels slightly more at ease at that.

"I know you said we can't... And that's fine... But I can't keep acting like this, it feels wrong. If I wanna hug you I wanna hug you. If I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand.... Is that okay?" She knows she should shake her head, say no, it's not okay. But she couldn't help herself. She was addicted to him and he was even more addicted to her.

So she nods, she pulls back to look at him and nods, placing her head back against his lower chest and hugging him tightly.

"So what does that mean then?" He asks, his own way of saying what are we? They clearly weren't just friends, but she wasn't allowing them to be truly more than that. They were in some kind of limbo between both of those identifiers.

"We're just us... Is that okay?" And he nods, and smiles widely down at her. He could deal with that for now. It was better than the alternative which was not having her in any way, and he couldn't live like that.

"And Matty?" Ross asks, and she raises her eyebrows, unsure what he was getting at.

"I know you said nothing is going on... but I cant help but sense something there... if you say its nothing its nothing... Just be honest with me, I can take it" Ross says and she nods, sighing deeply.

"I'm still figuring that out..." its the first time she's been truthful about Matty, not just to Ross but to herself.

"Okay... I can deal with that" he says, smiling down at her.

They return to the studio finishing up the song. By the time they leave, its dark outside, George had bid them farewell maybe 20 minutes earlier, hugging her tightly and telling her he was there for her if she needed. The exchange didn't go unnoticed by the remaining men. London is cold but the lights sparkle and she gets that childish glow in her eyes as she walks down the steps from the studio. Ross and Matty can't take their eyes off her but for once she doesn't notice. Matty breaks first, eyes falling from her to Ross.

He notices the glint in his eyes and the way his dimples show deeply, the way his eyes crease. He's seen a similar look before, but nothing of that calibre. Matty's smile drops, he had to stop this. He had to.

That look. That look on his best friend's face, it told him everything he needed to know. That he liked her perhaps more than Matty did, maybe not, but he would always, always put his friends needs and desires before his own.

The problem was, Matty was unsure he'd be able to stop. He didn't know if it was possible. But he'd try... even if it destroyed him.

"Hey um" he hesitates, their eyes fall on him "you guys go ahead, I've left something upstairs" he says. Ross frowns at him.

"You sure mate? We can wait" yn nods too.

"No it's okay... go" he smiles at his friends and then he begins walking up the steps. They begin walking down the path, with Matty watching. Watching the way he made her laugh, watching the way one arm came to rest against her shoulders, watching the way, she, the one he so desperately wanted, seemed right in his arms... At home.

© all lyrics are written and owned by yours truly (let's ignore the fact they're not that good but yeah) no stealing hehe

Note: low-key don't really like this chapter... But oh well. The only bit I actually like is the george x yn bit :(

(8) Studio Sessions

[hazelsmirrorball]

Valentines number one hater | Jason Todd x Fem! Reader

parings: Jason Todd x Fem! Reader

summary: Jason hates Valentine's Day with a burning passion. When he decides to take out his trash he bumps into his next door neighbor, Y/n. Y/n is obsessed with Valentines and is attempting to go on a nice valentines day but her plans don’t go as planned when she gets stuck in the elevator with her neighbor. warnings: enemies to lovers?Jason being a little bit annoying, love triangle at the end, makeout session. Also english isn’t my main language so if there’s any mistake I am sorry!! a/n: Hey! I’m back after a long break, since Valentine's day is one of my favorite holidays I decided to make a mini series called Cupid’s fourteen love stories where I write each day of february leading up to valentine's day. I think this is the most I have written in a while. I hope you enjoy lots of love.

Cupid’s Fourteen love stories masterlist. regular masterlist

previous imagine.

Jason looked at the tv in front of him changing the channels as quickly as possible trying to avoid another cringy romance movie but by the looks of it, it was quite inevitable since it was valentine's day after all. He sighed, deciding on leaving the notebook playing in the background on mute. Jason leaned against his couch trying to get as comfortable as possible, he chugged down the drink he had in his hand while looking at his phone for any missing text messages. He had taken the day off and Dick gladly covered for him, which made things easier for him to somewhat relax.

Jason didn’t have anything to worry about, he didn’t have to call to make dinner reservations, he didn’t have to spend loads of money on dumb valentines decor, he didn’t need to buy gifts, he didn’t have to plan over the top dates, he didn’t need to dress up and all this  because he had been blessed on being alone on valentines. It had been his decision to be alone, even after Dick and Tim desperately tried going cupid mode and set him up with every vigilante they knew, he still decided it was best to be alone and enjoy his day off.  

He had all the supplies to not leave the comfort of his apartment for a few days, so he didn’t have to stumble with the valentines craziness. An unlimited stash of snacks and drinks, a muted tv and a candle with a good book, what else could he ask for?

A date on valentines? Hell no. It wasn’t that Jason hated the idea of falling in love and what not. He secretly loved all the lovey dovey bullshit, he just hated valentines day. He didn’t have a good experience with his past valentines and he just thought Valentines day was such a waste of time, you should show your partner unloving love every day not just on Valentines Day.

“Jason have you see…What are you wearing?” Roy Harper, Jason’s roommate, asked while entering the living room fixing his tie and looking him up and down.

“ I’m wearing my day off outfit, plaid pants and a nice gray hoodie, you should try it sometime, James Bond.”  Jason said, chuckling at his joke while looking at the well dressed Roy.

“I think I’ll pass on the stain hoodie and smelly pants offer”  Roy responded while pushing Jason’s feet off the coffee table while searching for his keys.

“Shouldn’t you be annoying your date?” Jason asked while rolling his eyes and sitting up straighter,

“Well I can’t find my keys and I can’t leave without them so you're stuck with me for a while” He mumbled, still focused on finding his keys.

“Well, you could stay and we could spend time together like the good old days” Jason responded while taking a sip of his drink.

“I spend everyday with you Todd, now where did you put my keys?” He asked while turning around to look at him.

“It was worth the shot…Near the door” He mumbled, making Roy walk towards the  door to grab his keys.

“If you want company so badly you should go out and have some fun” He said while looking at himself in the mirror giving himself the last finishing touches.  

“Well, I’m having so much fun right now, why leave?” He said while taking another sip of his drink

“And I want to act like I believe you but I know you too well to believe you're enjoying your time by watching the notebook on mute. I know that last vale..”

“I don’t want to talk about it!” Jason quickly cut him up standing up and heading towards the kitchen. Roy followed him quickly.

“ I just think you shouldn’t bum yourself just for one bad date” he responded trying to not anger Jason.

“I said I didn't want to bring that fiasco up again. So do me a favor and please drop it” Jason responded through muttered teeth throwing the can into the trash can forcefully making it fall since the trash was completely full.

“Okay then I’ll drop it if you do me the favor of taking the trash out since I’m the one that always does it” Roy responded muttering, turning around and walking towards the mirror again.

“I'll gladly do it, but not because you’re telling me, it’s because I want to take the trash out.” Jason quickly pulled out the bag with ease tying a knot walking towards the apartment door.

“Whatever you say Jason,Also don’t take the elevator! I think it’s giving a little bit of problems” Roy said, not taking his eyes off the mirror.

“I’m not taking the stairs on my day off” Jason responded walking out of the door.

“Have it your way then” Roy yelled from the inside of the apartment.

Jason pressed the elevator button patiently waiting for it to go to his floor but his heart quickly stopped when he heard some keys jiggling behind him. He closed his eyes muttering several swear words while hitting the elevator button to hurry the process up. He even contemplated running down the stairs. It was a better idea to take the elevator than with his neighbor.  He lived on the fifth floor, could the elevator not go any faster? and an answer to his prayers came quickly when the elevator ding made Jason enter the empty elevator as quickly as possible.  He pressed the lobby button to begin for it to close. He sighs in relief when the door starts closing painfully slow.

“Wait! Hold the door” A hand stuck in between the elevator making Jason roll his eyes as he saw the person he least wanted to see on this day.

“Oh, Hey Jason! I haven’t seen my lovely neighbor in a while” she said, smiling at him. She walked to the other side of the elevator keeping space between them. Jason stood there quietly not bothering to respond his only intention was to take the trash out, not have a conversation. But something deep down was trying to drag him in, maybe it was her usual perfume that would drive him insane every time he would leave his apartment or maybe the fact that he was finally next to her after a while of not seeing each other. Either option was being put aside because he wasn’t dealing with this, not again.  

Y/n L/n had been Jason Todd and Roy Harper’s Neighbor ever since they decided to move into that crappy apartment complex. Y/n was the only good thing that the apartment had and quite honestly he didn’t mind. Their conversations at the beginning would usually be a hello in the morning or how was your day at night. As months passed by Jason felt himself drawn to the girl like he had never felt like someone before so he asked her out, specifically on a Valentine's Day date. He knew it was a little straight forward but all his nervousness went away when she excitedly squealed and hugged him while muttering what took you so long.  

so Jason Todd made it his mission to make the perfect Valentine's day date in the history of valentine's day. He waited hours to get a reservation to Gotham’s most successful restaurant and after begging for twenty minutes he got a reservation for too. He proceeded to get the biggest bouquet of (f/f) with some chocolates. When Valentines came around he forced Dick to take his place patrolling and after succeeding on forcing Dick to patrol he put on his nicest clothes and headed to the restaurant. He waited for two hours, sending her messages here and there but he didn’t receive any answer. He watched as a couple passed by him giving him pity looks and how the waitress would show up every few minutes asking if he was ready  to order.

Jason hated the fact that he had finally put himself out there just to be stood up on the most romantic day of the year. After that Jason made it his mission to avoid her at all cost which wasn’t that hard given the fact that Jason left his apartment late in the afternoon and came back early in the morning making it impossible to bump into the very busy girl. She didn’t even bother telling him what happened or why she decided to bail him in the first place. Y/n had his phone number, was it that hard to excuse herself from not going?

“Okay then silent treatment it is then” She muttered rolling her eyes while impatiently waiting for the elevator doors to open. Her eyes landed on the numbers changing painfully slow. She could hear Jason shift a little to the side leaving even more space between them.

“Are you going on another valentine's day extravaganza?” Jason asked sarcastically while looking at her. He noticed how she carried a beautiful picnic basket while she was beautiful styled matching the valentine days theme.

“What is that supposed to mean?” She asked angrily, turning around to meet his gaze. She furrowed her eyebrows while glaring at Jason waiting for a response.

“You know what I mean L/n” He muttered turning around to face the elevator buttons again

“Well I have you know, I’m actually going on a galentine's day picnic with my friends” She answered matter-of-factly while turning to avoid his annoying presence.

“I didn't ask,” Jason replied shortly, begging for the elevator to hurry up.

“Well you did insinuate what I was going to do today so that’s almost the same thing” She replied also praying that the elevator would hurry up.

“That’s not the same thing! It’s not even the same situation” He muttered getting closer to the buttons leaving her behind.

“When did you become such a dick?” She was genuinely concerned for Jason.

“You know this elevator is taking too long” Jason started pressing random buttons hoping that the elevator would finally open but he was out of luck when the elevator forcefully stopped while fluttering the light off.

“Fantastic! Now the girls are going to think I stood them up”  Y/n exclaimed sarcastically  to the darkness while Jason threw his head back in annoyance regretting the fact he decided on taking out the trash, if it weren’t for Roy and his annoyance he would’ve been watching the notebook on mute with a good book in his hand. But now there he was, stuck in an elevator with the girl he least wanted to see.  

“It’s not going to be the first time you stood someone up, don’t feel bad” He muttered while sliding against the elevator wall to sit down on the cool floor.

“You know, if you want to tell me something you can’t tell me directly instead of saying rude remarks” She muttered while following his actions and resting against the floor. Y/n moved, stretching her legs a little bit bumping with Jason’s but none of them decided to move.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get to go on that picnic of your’s we won’t be long here” He aid while coughing trying to hide his nervousness. He thanked that the elevator was still dark and they couldn’t see their expressions because he didn’t want her to see his blushing face.

“Roy told me he got stuck last week in the elevator and stayed like four hours. It’s Valentine's Day. I doubt they’ll come here to fix the elevator now.” She huffed in annoyance throwing her head back hitting it several times with the metal wall behind her.

“You still talk to Roy?” He asked in shock, feeling both surprised and betrayed by his friend's actions.

“Of course I still talk to Roy! He’s my friend, I would still talk to you if it weren't for the fact that you avoid me all the time” She exclaimed while Jason gasped while pressing his hand on his chest sarcastically.

“If you hadn’t stood me up in the first place maybe I wouldn’t have decided on avoiding you. Hell maybe instead of going on that dumb picnic you could’ve been going on a date with me” Jason exclaimed loudly. When he finally comprehended the words that left his mouth he stayed quiet regretting even thinking about saying that bullshit.

“Is that what this is about? Jason I-” Y/n tried to break out the silence but Jason quickly cut her off.

“I really don’t want to talk about it, Y/n. Just imagine I didn’t say a word. It was a year ago let's just act like nothing happen like we’ve been doing the pat year”

“I can’t. I tried saying I was sorry but you were avoiding me. Something at work came up at the last minute. I sometimes can’t control what happens in my job and how long I have to stay. I swear I didn’t have my phone on me, if I did I would’ve messaged you quickly. I swear” She said quickly into the darkness. Jason hummed to her response not having the energy to say anything, he didn’t know what to do, that was for sure. He had gone through so much and he decided to open up and give her a chance just for her to leave him hanging. Part of him wanted to break the elevator door open and leave, but a bigger part of him wanted to stay and see what the night brought to the two neighbors.

“You know what, let me make it up to” She exclaimed, moving her legs away from Jason. He could feel her moving all around the floor looking for something.

“How are you going to make it up for me? it’s not like we could do much in this tiny elevator” He mumbles pushing his legs up towards his chest leaving more space for her to move.

“Where’s your creativity Todd? Look” She said while showing out a lighting a lighter in front of his face

“You want to smoke in an elevator?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Y/n chuckled while shaking her head.

“Actually, I have the lighter for this” She quickly pulled out two candles from her basket, settling them in between her and Jason. She lights them up, lighting up the elevator with a warm sunset tone. She smiled softly at the grumpy Jason that was looking at her with a concerned look on his face.

“Isn’t this a fire hazard?” Jason asked looking down at the candles, Y/n playfully rolled her eyes while taking two plates and placing them in front of the pair. She quickly settles a beautifully folded napkin with utensils on top of the plates while Jason stares at them in confusion.

“I told you I was going to make it up for you. It may not be a reservation at Gotham’s best restaurant but a candlelit dinner with flowers” She said while placing the flowers in a vase in between the candles. Jason smiles softly, taking in the view before him.

“What's on the menu this fine evening? Because I for one am starving” Jason said sitting in a more comfortable position getting closer to her.

“Well kind sir, we have my famous pasta accompanied with the best wine and bread” She responded while playing along and serving the food on their plate. Jason watched as she delicately placed the pasta on the plates not spilling anything on their surroundings. She put the bowl of food where it originally sat and opened the wine bottle pouring two cups for them.

“Oh how I missed your pasta” Jason said while taking a bite of his food.

“Well, you can come over anytime to eat some” She responded, also taking a bite of her.

“I’ll take you up on that offer”

Both of them ate in silence occasionally slipping out a joke or two. Both of them would sneak glances at each other when the other one wasn’t looking. When the both finished eating they held onto their wine glasses getting as close as possible making their shoulders bump into each other. The light coming out of the candles hitting them enhances their features. Jason smiled, taking in how beautiful she looked and how much he wasn’t regretting not taking out the trash. Maybe he would do it more often if it came with this outcome.

“A toast to us” Y/n, exclaimed raising her wine glass

“to us” Jason said while clicking their glasses together.

“I’ve never seen you smile this much” Y/n replied, settling her cup down.

“Well, You know what I'm missing to make this the best date ever?” Jason asked while leaning a little bit closer to her.

“And what would that be?” She said leaning closer to him, making their breaths one.

“Dessert” He locked their lips together resting his hands on her cheeks. Y/n slowly followed his pace feeling herself melt on his touch. After a few minutes. Jason Y/n swiftly got on his lap. They were so into the kiss they didn’t notice the dinging sound and a shocked Roy Harper standing behind the elevator.

“I guess you didn’t take out the trash” Roy said while clearing his throat. Both of them jumped away from each other and Y/n quickly started cleaning her things up while Jason helped her.

“Hey Roy” She replied embarrassed while standing up with her basket trying to hide her red face with her messy hair.

“I’m sorry to interrupt. Hope you kids had fun” Roy chuckled while winking at Y/n.

“Shut up, Roy.” Jason responded, picking up Y/n’s phone. He slowly picks it up but by the sudden movement he reads the messaged plaster on the phone.

Dick Grayson

are we still on for tonight? I’ve been waiting on the rooftop for hours. Call me when you get the chance.

“Thank you Jay! I had fun tonight” She said while picking up her phone and leaving the elevator with a confused Jason Todd and a giggly Roy Harper.

…

[MASTERLIST]

request are open, xoxo

[silverofthunder]

☆ a thought of forever ☆

Papa Emeritus IV x GN Reader

summary: This wasn’t just offering a blood and satisfying the hunger, this was more. This was a test for both of you and also a way to build your trust, to renew it.

content: 2.8k words, mystery (kind of), drama, fantasy, romance, angst, hurt/comfort, a bit of humor

♡♡ part 1 ♡♡ part 2 ♡♡ part 3 ♡♡ part 4 ♡♡ part 5 ♡♡ part 6 ♡♡

This part was kind of painful but also so much fun to write. Getting closer to the end... Slowly but surely. There's a lot in this, I think. Probably the most emotional one in this series. Hope you enjoy!

It had been almost a month since you had last seen Copia. During that time you had done a lot of thinking – maybe too much as you were kind of exhausted but now you at least knew that you were ready to finally face Copia. Battle of heart and mind hadn’t been easy to settle but in the end there was no way that you could stay away from him anymore. You missed him, your moments, the way he made you feel… Everything.

The whole biting incident had worked as a certain kind of awakening. Partly, you could blame yourself for that since you had been teasing Copia quite much, asking for the bite. It had been only a matter of time when your little game would backfire. But even though there was now a little crack on your trust, it still didn’t change your feelings.

Of course you had gone down the thought route that was wondering if it all had been just some kind of game. That you had been put under some spell. Vampires had powers they could use to manipulate people so it would have made sense. But could they have manipulated your feelings? No, that didn’t seem possible. It would be crazy. It didn’t fit Copia. He wasn’t like that, nor his brothers. For what you knew, they were pretty careful of using their powers.

But despite everything, the bite, the shock after – nothing had really changed. It was bound to happen at some point. Obviously, it had been a wrong moment but you couldn’t turn back the time. The only thing you could do now was to go see Copia and try to make things right.

A sound of message received tore you from your thoughts and you saw Terzo’s name on screen. You opened the message, your heartbeat a little faster than usual.

Everything’s set. You can come at any time.

You typed Terzo a reply and locked the phone, slipping it to your pocket and picking up your keys. The swirl of emotions was making your stomach feeling funny but you had to do this now. You took a deep breath before walking out the door, now for the first time in almost a month choosing the route that lead you straight to Hunter’s Moon.

Copia’s brothers were waiting for you and you got surprisingly warm welcome, Terzo and Primo hugging you and Secondo giving you a slightly awkward pat on the shoulder. You were standing at the end of the short corridoor that lead to their private rooms.

”How’s he?” you asked, wanting to know what would wait for you when you finally stepped into Copia’s room. The brothers shared a look before Primo answered.

”He’s quite weak due to not feeding properly.”

That much you had already figured out. It wasn’t like you expected Copia to be a threat to you. He most likely would keep his distance.

”He’s been miserable,” Terzo said, the concern settled deep into his gaze. ”Barely has left the room.”

”He hates that he lost control,” Secondo stated, a sliver of warmth in his eyes. ”But he also misses you.”

”I miss him, too,” you admitted, the words just coming out before you even realized. Primo and Terzo chuckled and even on Secondo’s lips there was a hint of smile visible.

”You two are good together, for one another, and we would like to see you finding the common ground again,” Primo said, giving you a hopeful smile. ”Human-vampire relationships are hard, we all know that, but you made it seem so easy, effortless.”

You didn’t know what to say to that but Primo’s words warmed your heart, anyway, so you smiled at him. And you wanted that, too, to find the common ground with Copia again.

”I guess I should just go in, then?” You shifted, glancing at Copia’s room door.

”If you’re ready,” Terzo said. ”We’ll wait here, just in case…”

You nodded, knowing what he was referencing to.

”I think we’ll be alright,” you said, and with one last look at the brothers you turned and started to head to Copia’s door.

You had to stop before it to take a deep breath and release the air slowly. It didn’t really help your racing heart and the feeling in your stomach but you couldn’t back away now. So with a slightly shaking hand you took a hold of the handle and pushed it down, pushing the door open and stepping in.

The room was quite messy, you noticed, as you let your gaze take it in, the door behind you closing. When your eyes finally settled on Copia who has sitting on the bed, your heart sunk in your chest. He didn’t look at you, just stared at the floor eyes wide, hands on his lap, fingers fumbling with the sleeves of his shirt. Weariness was marring his paintless face, his shoulders hunched, and you had to clench your hands into fists to prevent yourself from running straight to him and wrapping him in a hug. It was like there was only a shadow left of him. Hesitantly, you took a few steps closer to him and then his eyes shot up, meeting yours and your world seemed to stop for a moment.

Utter devastation was what you saw in them. You couldn’t describe it any other way. Even that seemed to be an understatement. Tears started to burn in your eyes and it was like someone was trying to rip your heart out of your chest.

”Copia…” you whispered, taking another step closer to him. Copia didn’t move, so you took it as an permission to approach him more, until you were right before him. The sight of him was even more heartbreaking from so close and you couldn’t prevent the tears from falling. You reached out your right hand and Copia flinched slightly when you placed it on his thigh, close to his knee. The look in his eyes was full of confusion and hurt.

It was hard to keep composure as you wanted nothing more than to take his pain away. But you had to be strong and take it slow, give Copia time.

”I’m so sorry,” Copia said, quietly, his voice sounding rough like hadn’t used it much. You shook your head, tears wetting your cheeks.

”It was my fault, too. I basically kept asking for that,” you said, gently squeezing Copia’s leg.

”No,” Copia stated, the look in his eyes getting a sharped edge. ”I hadn’t fed properly before our meeting because I didn’t want to be late. My mistake.”

So that’s why he had looked a bit tired back then. You hadn’t just imagined it, Copia had actually been tired and in need of blood. And then you had asked him to play hunt you…

Fuck.

”Why didn’t you say anything?”

Copia opened his mouth but no words came out and then he shook his head again. You squeezed your eyes shut, wiping the tears away with your free hand and taking a moment to breathe. Soon you felt the lightest of pressure under your chin and you opened your eyes, another set of tears breaking free as you looked at Copia.

”It was bound to happen at some point,” you finally stated. ”I had already offered you my blood before so you basically had my permission. A little warning beforehand would have been good, though.”

The confusion in Copia’s eyes deepened.

”You don’t hate me?”

”Hate you? No, I could never,” you said, now standing up and sitting beside Copia, taking both of his hands in yours. ”I know what and who you are. A dangerous predator, yes, but underneath there is so much more, too. A caring, kind, funny, creative person. Someone who has yearned for love for a very long time.”

Copia looked like he wanted to believe you, your words, his eyes shiny in a different way, and you guessed that if he was a human, he might be crying now.

”You’re too good for me,” Copia spoke, his voice now barely louder than a whisper. You had heard those words a few times before but there really wasn’t any truth in them.

”No, we’re both good for each other. Even your brothers believe so and I think they’re right. This – we – just works. In some weird, unexplainable way, we work. We just have been playing with fire and got too carried away.”

You didn’t know where all these words came but you had to let them pour out. It felt good to get it all out, the knot within you opening up. The look in Copia’s eyes softened, a small smile passing his lips and you let out a long sigh, blinking away the tears.

”You have to stop beating yourself up,” you said, lifting your hand up to cup his cheek. Copia’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment as he inhaled and when he opened them again, the red color of the other was darker and his lips parted, quivering. A clear sign of that he needed to feed soon. Something turned in your stomach, not unpleasantly, and in the next moment you pressed your wrist against his mouth, his eyes widening, other hand gribbing your hand tighter.

”You need it,” you whispered and Copia shook his head, clearly trying so hard to fight against the urge. ”Please.”

You could feel Copia opening his mouth more, and when you nodded, he gave in to his hunger and pierced your skin with his fangs. The pain hit soon, burning, and you groaned through gritted teeth, new tears forming into your eyes. It really hurt, your whole body seeming to be on fire in the worst way possible, but you focused on Copia’s gaze, the way he held the eye-contact as he started sucking.

When the pain subsided, you hummed, relaxing and that seemed to please Copia as he looked at you with a mix of adoration and hunger. You smiled at him and he got bolder, sucking your blood eagerly, and something at the sight made your insides tingle, mind turning a little hazier. A familiar sensation but there still was something new to it. This wasn’t just offering a blood and satisfying the hunger, this was more. This was a test for both of you and also a way to build your trust, to renew it.

In a way, it felt delicate. You had to find the perfect balance. The line between enough and too much would be thin but you had to trust that the right timing would be found. You waited and waited, patiently, knowing that the clock was ticking.

And in the next blink of an eye, Copia pulled away, blood smeared over hips lips and you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you had been holding. Copia licked the blood from his lips, and conveyed his gratitude through his intense gaze. All you could do was give him a little nod and smile, the silence between you feeling so comfortable that breaking it didn’t feel right.

You had no idea how long you two just stared at each other but at some point Copia cupped your face, moving closer to you and resting his forehead against yours. Your gaze fell to your wrist, the bite marks still leaking a bit and you had to resist the urge to run your fingers over them. It was oddly satisfying this time, to see those marks on your skin, waves of warmth coursing through your body. It might have been the venom or something else, you weren’t certain but you liked it anyway.

”Will you forgive me?” Copia finally broke the silence, his voice sounding now stronger, healthier. You pulled a little back, searching for his gaze.

”Of course,” you said, moving your other hand up and poking Copia’s chest with you finger. ”But you have to promise me one thing...”

”Anything, my love.”

Copia’s words made your brain short circuit and you lost the words you were supposed to say. Did he just…?

”Cazzo, I didn’t… It just slipped out,” Copia stuttered, his eyes wide as he pulled away. You body reacted fast and you grabbed a good fistful of his shirt, pulling him back close to you. The air around you felt different now, turning everything from its track. You both knew what was between you – it would be pointless to deny it anymore – but you hadn’t exactly used words to describe the nature of your relationship.

”Do you mean…” you started, your heart beating faster in you chest, ”that you are…?”

”In love with you?” Copia offered and you nodded. ”Sí, I am. Irrevocably, I’m afraid.”

You swallowed, your heart now swelling ten times bigger and then you let go of Copia’s shirt and smashed your fist against his chest. The chuckle that left from Copia was like a music to your ears and you couldn’t help but start laughing. Every single feeling just got out through that laugh, your shoulders shaking and your stomach hurting the longer it went on.

Copia looked at you with a mix of amusement and curiousity and you just leaned against him, slumping against his chest wholly, happy tears gathering in your eyes as your laughter still echoed in the room. Copia’s arms enveloped you in a hug, his jaw resting on top your head, and you could swear that right in that moment you were happier than you had ever been before. Maybe it was strange considering the original reason behind of meeting Copia but you didn’t care.

It was never supposed to get that complicated and maybe it hadn’t been but you had just made it one. Communication was the key to everything and somehow you had failed a bit on that part. But you could always do better and from now on you certainly would do better. As your laughter eventually died and you were finally able to even out your breathing, you moved your head so that you could bury your face into the crook of Copia’s neck.

”I might be in love with you, too,” you mumbled against his shirt and bare skin. Copia hummed, hugging you tighter.

”I know.”

”Stupid vampire mojo,” you cursed in a playful way, placing a light kiss on Copia’s neck. The sound that left from Copia was a mix of laughter and inhale and when he spoke, you knew he was grinning even though you didn’t see his face.

”It would be nice to blame that but I’m afraid it’s not the case here.”

”This is crazy.”

”That’s what I’ve been telling you for whole this time.”

With a long sigh, you broke free from Copia’s embrace so you could look at him. His smile was warm, the look in his eyes like melted gold.

”But I like crazy. No, I love crazy,” you grinned.

”Good,” Copia stated, placing his hand under your chin and leaning then in to capture your lips in a sweet kiss. You relaxed into it immediately, tasting the trace of your blood on his lips, and soon you felt the fangs gently nibbling at your bottom lip and you smiled into the kiss.

”So, you have to promise me one thing…” you spoke inbetween, your lips brushing against Copia’s lip all the time. ”Please, feed when you need to. No matter what the situation is, okay?”

”I promise,” Copia said, gently squeezing your chin and sealing his words with another, this time more thorough, kiss. It was one of those kisses that made your knees buckle and you were glad, you were already sitting. However, your moment was interrupted by some vague sounds coming from behind the door made and you reluctanctly parted. Then there was a knock on the door, Terzo’s voice reaching your ears.

”Are you still alive there?”

You looked at Copia, both grinning and shaking your heads. It obviously wasn’t a serious question but it offered a perfect chance to continue the joke.

”Barely,” you said a bit louder and Copia chuckled lightly. You could vividly imagine Terzo and Primo’s amusement while Secondo would certainly look unimpressed.

”Copia?” Terzo called his brother.

”We’re okay,” Copia replied, certain seriousness replacing the mirth in his eyes as he looked at you. He was right, you were okay. Or you would be okay in the end, you were sure of that. But there were still things you needed to learn on your common path. Copia was the moon to your sun and you had to learn how to meet in the middle, find the shadow that could keep you balanced. In the end, if the situation would so require, you were ready to make some sacrifices.

A thought of forever had never been more tempting as it was now.

taglist: @nijiru

[mzminola]

Trying to figure out why the fandom meme that Tim is misogynistic bothers me so much, beyond my usual kneejerk response to perceived inaccuracy, and I think the key is that it feels like fandom is lying to me.

Specifically, lying about nearly all the other characters.

That I am being taunted with some theoretical Less Sexist 90′s Comics that don’t actually exist.

Sexism is one of the reasons that I never bothered to seek out superhero comics when younger. Our town didn’t have a comics shop, which sure put a damper on it, but I didn’t bother looking for collected volumes when venturing into regular bookstores, or the occasional trip out of town to places with huge bookstores. I flipped through enough and heard enough chatter to know I didn’t want to put up with the sexism. Scans Daily on Livejournal sure had plenty of supporting examples.

Reading 1990′s & early 2000′s comics now, I can confirm this was the right choice on younger me’s part. There is a lot of sexism in that era, and unlike with prose books by a singular author, it’s much harder to ditch wholesale. I’ve got a lot more analytical reading under my belt now, so it’s easier to roll my eyes at the bullshit and focus on what is enjoyable than it used to be. From the later 2010′s comics I found at the library, things are improving, though still stumbling.

So yeah, Tim does sometimes say sexist crap. But as I devour comic after comic, so far, he isn’t saying or doing anything more sexist, more frequently, than any other character, including the gals. It’s almost like it’s a writing problem, not a character problem.

As far as I can tell, from what I’ve read, which includes all of Batgirl 2000, Young Justice 1998, and nearly half of Robin 1993, Tim is less sexist than the adult men he’s surrounded by, and no few of his fellow teenage boy heroes.

Maybe I’m missing something! But gender doesn’t seem to come into his treatment of Gotham vigilantes and YJ teammates? The most it comes up with his civilian peers is that, typical for the time period, girls are treated by the narrative & characters as potential romantic options and boys aren’t? Tim talks to Callie the same way he talks to Ives & Hudman? He and Ariana both make relationship mistakes, but in ways that are pretty normal for a 13-14 year old’s first romance?

So when the fandom keeps making ‘misogyny’ Tim’s distinguishing traits from the other Bats, or other YJ members or Titans, it implies that reading comics focused on other characters would have less sexism, but when I do read other comics, that’s not fucking TRUE.

Where are these magical less sexist Bat comics?

Who are these heroes fandom claims are less misogynistic?

Because it’s not Nightwing. It’s not anything Bruce takes center stage in. Barbara is fine in Batgirl 2000, but in other comics she’s written as cattily jealous and tears into other women. It’s not Stephanie, as we saw with Batgirl 2009′s treatment of Jordanna Spence.

Batgirl 2000 does pretty good, but that’s the only one I can think of, and fandom singling out Tim makes it sound like it should be all of the others.

Fandom likes to say Jason drinks his Respect Women Juice, but when I read Under the Red Hood and Lost Days, they felt about the same level as Tim’s comics. And I keep seeing examples from Jason’s Robin days of him admiring women or learning from them or teaming up, but I also get that from Tim’s comics.

Before he even had a long running solo, Tim’s Robin mini’s got a crossover with Huntress, in which he respects both her skills and her secrets, and argues with her about as much as he does with Bruce. Tim supports Cassie winning leadership of Young Justice, he supports Cissie’s decision to do what she felt was most responsible. He apologizes for avoiding Cass after finding her intimidating and goes on to work well with her.

I like Tim. I’m mostly enjoying his comics. They’ve got less sexism than I expected of the era they’re written in.

And I hate that fandom’s running meme about him makes it feel like everyone else is making a joke at my expense.

[elatedandexasperated]

So RWRB was a movie with some discourse...

In all honesty, the discourse has bugged me more than any issues with the film itself. I get a film adaptation not living up to personal expectations set by a book is... a response that people have, but the fact some people have been trying to convince people it's not worth watching bothers me.

Don't get me wrong, I've seen all of the love for it too and I know the antis for the film are definitely in the minority. No one can control how anyone relates or who is allowed to enjoy a piece of media, but the sheer hatred I've seen from some of the people on here for the film hurts a bit to see. The arguments seem to be no deeper than "x character was removed" , "there's these plot holes" and "it's too formulaic" that last one of which I feel was kind of the point: it's a formulaic romcom so that queer people can have a fairy tale romance story like the straight ones that get shoved down our throats from a young age by companies like Disney. McQuiston, an NB writer, has gone on record stating that a huge reason why they write is to feature queer identities and make stories that people like them would have liked to read and feel represented by when they were younger.

If this was a straight Hallmark romcom (which tbf, it basically is in terms of story structure, and I low-key love it because of that) it wouldn't have made so much as a blip on most people's radars. But because it features queer characters the threshold for scrutiny seems to have been dropped to the floor (insert "Get Low" joke here). I can get having criticisms of the film, I have a few myself, but the attempt to convince people the film is bad and to disregard it as a whole because of them ignores the positive qualities, what the film means to people in the queer community, what its success can lead to in terms of representation for underrepresented people in the community (Ace, bi, NB, trans, etc.), and an understanding of intricacies that go into adaptation.

At the end of the day, this film was competently made (and in my opinion, well made) by a gay director with an inclusive team and a deep care for both the source material and an understanding of what the film would mean for millions of viewers. It featured experiences and themes that are common to many people in the community with several very poignant messages that actually have huge metatextual implications with the film (The "forced conformity of the closet" quote sticks out in particular to me: the number of op-eds speculating Nick and Taylor's sexualities and how they've been mum about them makes me think a lot of people missed that one; also looking at you, people that forced Kit Connor out of the closet 😒)

The film is a celebration of love featuring characters that people like me and others in the community can relate to. Is it formulaic? Yes. Did they remove some characters to try and create a tighter narrative focused on the main romantic pair? Yes. Is it overly cheesy and so unrealistically sweet that it will give me diabetes? Delightfully so.

So ending on a positive note, I just want to run down some things I've loved about it:

- An mlm story with an actual happy ending that features adult main leads! (Credit to youth stories, they're important, but as an adult it's hard to relate to teenage characters sometimes)

- The charisma both TZP and NG just radiate throughout the movie

- Sarah Shahi eating the absolute SHIT out of every scene she's in (Touch her and die)

- Same for Rachel Hilson

- Uma Thurman and Stephen Fry (enough said)

- The acting overall was fantastic

- The care and work put into intimate scenes and inclusion of an intimacy coordinator

- On a personal level, I loved seeing parallels between Alex and Henry's relationship and the relationship I have with my husband. For the first time in my 30 years I actually see a little of myself in an uplifting and happy piece of media and not portrayed as a dramatic tragedy, villain, or inconsequential background character.

Tl;Dr if you didn't like the movie, that's your opinion. I'm not here to try and convince you otherwise. But please stop trying to convince people it shouldn't be watched. Regardless of your opinion, this film means a lot to a lot of people, including the author of the original book! Just let us enjoy this imperfect, but tasty cheese with our w(h)ine ❤️

[chaotic-on-main]

Chapter 5: March

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! So uh, this chapter is a lot. In a lot of ways lol. There's some fluff, there's some slight angst. Overall, there's finally some explanations that I hope ties the whole story together. I hope y'all like it because I've been kicking myself over this chapter ALONE. If you missed the last chapter, you can catch that here!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~9.1k (please don't hurt me

You can’t help but tug at the thin fabric that scratched at your skin as you pull yourself out of the driver’s side of Hange’s car. The red dress trailing down your figure sat pretty loose, but it was not comfortable to you in the slightest. Come to think of it, it wasn’t just the fabric that made you uncomfortable, it was the fact that Hange had talked you into dressing up in the first place. While Hange spent many days gathering the things needed for her costume, you opted for something you already had shoved in the back of your closet from a Halloween party a couple years ago. And now, you were about to meet Erwin and Levi in said costume when you didn’t even know if they were into this kind of thing. You pull on your flowing sleeves in anxiety as your sister gets out of the passenger side, fixing their eye patch to sit better on their face.

“We made it!” They shriek in the cool, early spring air. They were donned in a casual pirate get up with a loose brown tricorn resting on their ever-frazzled hair. A fake cutlass hung from their hip as well as other colorful bits and bobbles. They look confident and energized as they look over to you with a wide eye.

“Well, let’s go find them! Erwin just texted me that they’re waiting by the admission booths.” You both close the car doors at the same time and you make sure to lock the car with the keys before shoving them down into your small cross-body purse. Your heart flutters as you're reminded again of the two men waiting for you, of the specific one you were nervous about seeing again. Or was it excitement? You weren’t certain. Yanking on your dress again, you follow on Hange’s heels as they trek to the front gates of the Jinae Renaissance Faire.

Not long after do the admission gates show themselves to you both. As you step up to the line, you start to open your purse to pay when Hange grabs your arm and tugs you out of it, muttering something about it already being taken care of. When you give her a disgruntled look, she’s looking off to the side as she screams.

“There you are! I barely recognized you two!” They start pulling you in that direction as you struggle to zip your bag up through the rough bouncing of your running. When you look up, you see two figures, one tall and one short. Erwin and Levi. Your heart practically stops as you realize why you didn’t recognize them at first.

Erwin is dressed as a knight, his helmet tucked under his arm. You’re not sure if the silver reflecting off the sun is from real metal or not, but it’s quite the look regardless. He’s grinning down at you, and it made him look like a very handsome, well, knight in shining armor.

Levi stands next to him, arms crossed over his chest and he’s staring straight at you with a look you couldn’t discern, you don’t notice the way his eyes widen in recognition for a second. His stark gray eyes are covered by a black mask. He’s also wearing a solid black pirate-esque costume, gloves included. You gasp because you knew this costume. You knew it because you had dressed up as his character’s counterpart.

“Well, well, well. Look at what we have here!” Hange exclaims as they stop short in front of them. You wave to them with a wavering smile and then point to Levi’s get up, flicking your finger up and down his body with a furrowed brow as a way to ask, ‘Did you know?’

“I did not choose this.” Levi states briskly. He curls his right hand around the sword hilt that rests on his hip, the sound of leather squeaking as he does so.

“You can blame me for that,” Erwin’s deep voice cuts in, amused. “He wasn’t going to dress up, or even come for that matter, but I finally talked him into it.”

“Oh yeah? What did it?” Hange’s eye widened in faux surprise, a smirk playing on their lips.

“Are we going or not?” Levi starts walking in the direction of the entrance, not bothering to look behind him to see if anyone was following. Erwin chuckles and goes after him, and you and Hange are quick to follow.

The fair took place in a campsite deep in the forests of Jinae. The afternoon sun peeked its way through a canopy of tall evergreens. Fresh early spring air breezes through the trees as well as your flowing hair and you can’t help but breathe in deeply. What a gorgeous day, you think. Fallen foliage crunches underneath you as you all make your way deeper into the festivities. Plenty of people mill past, many of them dressed up to the nines and chattering away happily. You pick up the pace in excitement as your eyes wander.

The smells of smoked meat and various vegetables filled the air as you drew closer to the heart. There also lie a variety of stalls selling trinkets, fake weaponry, and leather goods that lined up parallel to the path you walked on. You couldn’t keep the grin off your face as you stare at it all in awe. An elven woman with antlers covered in sparkling gems bounces up next to you with a big smile and holds out a white lily for you to take. You hesitate but take it from her fingers delicately and sign a ‘thank you’ at her with your other hand. Her eyes go wide and enthusiastically signs back ‘You’re welcome.’ You can’t help it, you giggle in delight. She waves goodbye and flounces away, the assorted chains that littered her body twinkling in the sunlight as she does. When you turn back to your group, Hange and Erwin are already far ahead, but Levi has stopped and is staring at you.

You inhale the flower’s scent as you saunter up to where Levi stood; he hadn’t moved an inch as he waited for you to catch up. His eyes are dark as they study your face. His mouth opens like he’s about to say something but then immediately closes it, turning away from you swiftly and starts off in the direction of the rest of the group. You purse your lips as you trail behind him, slightly annoyed.

Ever since Hange’s Valentine’s party last month, Levi has been really strange around you, even through your text messages. It’s not like how it was after the gala, it felt more isolating. Like he wasn’t allowing you into his space. Which granted, is pretty normal for anyone trying to get to know him better. But it didn’t really feel like you were just anyone, at this point. After that night on the patio at his apartment, it really felt like you two were getting along better. But now it felt like he was shutting you out again. It was all so frustrating.

Your group spent the next few hours bouncing around different activities; Everyone took turns deciding. Erwin had chosen a jousting match to kick things off. It wasn’t really your thing, but Erwin was captivated the whole time. Even Levi’s eyes never left the rough sport for a second, but his face didn’t give off a single emotion. It ended when one of the riders got knocked off so hard that they didn’t even get up from the dirt. Considering the lack of urgency to get him off the field, it must have not been a life-threatening injury. Still, you can’t help but feel bad for the guy.

After that, it was Hange’s turn and they decided on a play that was showing in the amphitheater. They were doing some sort of homemade play about a princess being held hostage from bandits and a knight that goes on a journey to save her. It wasn’t half bad, you thought. Your favorite part was when the savior got their almost doll-like blonde-haired princess to safety, they took their helmet off to reveal it was actually a lady knight; She has choppy brunette hair that was pulled into a low ponytail and freckles that dotted along her nose. The way the knight and the princess stare toward one another makes you really feel the love that they held for each other, and you had to admit the ending got to you because of it. You applaud loudly as the cast takes a bow, the knight and princess both holding onto each other with wide smiles.

A half hour later, you all find yourselves standing outside of the amphitheater trying to think of what to get for a late lunch. There were so many food stalls that it had started to overwhelm you. You fidget with your sleeves as you watch Hange and Erwin talk, while Levi stays quiet as always. You glance at him with a side eye in hopes he would meet your gaze. However, he keeps it averted from you, appearing to people watch instead. It’s not like he had ever ignored you in the past month, but his abnormal stoicism towards you was really starting to get under your skin. His guard was up, and you didn’t know why. What had changed from that night of the party to now?

“I think we passed a stall back that way that sold pizza. I want that!” You hear Hange say in excitement, pointing down a dirt path to your left.

“You are more than welcome to do so but I think I’ve decided on one down there. I saw something about meat pies, and I’m intrigued.” Erwin stares down at a map of the grounds as he speaks.

“What about you two? Does anything stick out to you?” Hange spins on you and Levi.

“Whatever.”

You just shrug with a small smile.

“Great input, guys.” They roll their eyes at you and go back to looking over Erwin’s shoulder at the map.

“Well, we could all split up for a moment to get our respective lunches and reconvene at the axe throwing and archery area in about an hour or so? I think you wanted to do that for your turn?” Erwin pipes up as he looks behind his shoulder at you. You nod vigorously at it all, mainly at the choice of activity. You’ve always wanted to try both sports and were ecstatic when you saw it on the list of available stations.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. There are a couple of other booths I wanted to check out earlier, this is a good opportunity.” Hange says as they stare down the path where the supposed pizza stall sat. You wave to get their attention.

‘I’m going to wander around myself then, if that’s cool with you?’ They give you a skeptical look and purse their lips.

“Will you be okay alone?” Levi’s head jerks up to Hange’s question then to you.

“She’s going alone?”

“She asked if she could.” They shrug their shoulders and Levi scoffs but says nothing else.

“Make sure your phones are on you and we’ll meet up in an hour.” Erwin cuts in, nodding to each of you before turning on his heels and disappearing in the crowd. So businesslike, you chuckle to yourself. Your sister grabs your hand then squeezes it before running off down the other way. Then it’s just you and Levi. You both look at each other. You’re about to offer if he would like to walk with you but he turns his back to you before you can get his attention.

“See you in an hour.” He says and walks into the crowd without looking back, leaving you alone. You blink hard at the empty space. Even after spending hours together, he’s still distant with you. You can’t help the hurt from seeping into your chest. You bite your cheek as you turn and start off in a random direction with no idea of where you’re going.

.

See you in an hour? Levi couldn’t stop the cold words from sliding out. He almost asked if he could tag along with you but he forced himself to walk away because he couldn’t dare to look you in the eyes. He’d been so careful around you in the last month but it’s like he couldn’t hold back anymore. If he put himself in a position to be with you alone, there’s no telling what else might come out of his mouth. Levi was afraid it wouldn’t come out the way he wanted. He needed more time to figure out how he would approach you about the past, your past. And how his guilt was suffocating the life out of him.

Levi shoves his hands in his pocket as he weaves through the crowd in the direction of their rendezvous spot. There wasn’t anything he needed at this place so he decided he would give his leg a break while he waited for everyone else. That is until something sparkling in the late afternoon sun catches his attention. His good eye snaps to it immediately and he can’t help but take a couple steps closer to get a better look at what it was. There hanging on a small jewelry stand is a delicate gold necklace. It was simple and modest despite its shine.

“Ah, I see this has caught your eye.” A soft voice rings out from behind the counter, belonging to an older lady that he had not noticed before. She has short blonde hair that had started to gray at the roots and light, kind eyes that crinkled in the corners. A warm smile lights up her face.

“No, I was just going.” Levi’s eyes trail back to the necklace before turning around to leave.

“It’s my last one for the day. Since it caught your eye, I’ll let it go at a special price. Who is it that’s on your mind?” Levi’s steps falter then he looks back at the woman with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry?”

“Forgive me, but you seem to have that look on your face that only someone gets when there’s a person on their mind. So, who is it?” The lady leans over on the table she sat behind, propping herself up with her elbow and stares at Levi with earnest.

“I- that’s not any of your business.” He clicks his tongue and starts off in the direction behind him again.

“Whoever it is, they must be causing quite a storm inside you!” She shouts out.

“You don’t know anything about me.” Levi digs his heels in the dirt and stalks back over to the booth where the lady sits, his hands clenched into fists as he stares hard into the accuser’s eyes.

“Oh, no? There isn’t someone in your life right now digging up your past?” Levi reels and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

She continues, “Humor me, son. This old woman is getting bored of the hustle and bustle out there. What’s on your mind? I’ll give you the necklace as payment if I find it entertaining enough.”

“Ma’am, not to be rude but I literally do not know you. And my life story isn’t some story for you to gawk at.”

“Strangers make the best confidants I find. And you look like you’re about to burst at the seams.”

Levi considers this for a moment. He hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about what’s been plaguing him all month. Since that night in your bedroom, seeing those picture frames. It had shaken him to his core and the only person he actually wanted to talk about it with was you, and, well. This woman was indeed a stranger, what could it hurt? He’s never going to see this woman again, he hopes.

“Tch, fine.” Levi sighs heavily and starts from the beginning.

.

It had been about an hour since your group broke up when you found yourself trekking to the rendezvous spot. You had a great time wandering around by yourself, making sure to double back to a couple stalls you had passed earlier in the day. While you focused mainly on window shopping, you couldn’t help but buy yourself a tiara inlaid with the most spectacular fake gemstones. They glimmered off the late afternoon sun as you passed underneath the spotty shaded canopy with a cup of hot liquid in your hand. Even though Levi had brushed you off earlier, you were not going to let that bother you. Maybe he was going through something right now and wasn’t ready to talk to you about it, you hope.

When you make it to the clearing, you smile as you see Levi sitting at one the benches massaging his leg. There’s a small paper bag next to him. As you get closer, his gray eyes look up to meet you and pinches his lips together into a thin line. There was something different about his aura now, it didn’t feel as hostile as before. Though you could tell there was something still bothering him. When you’re right in front of him, you offer him the cup. He raises an eyebrow at you before taking a tentative sip. His eyes widened in surprise.

“Is this black tea? Where did you find this?” He takes another drink the way he does with his fingertips. You hold up a finger to him and grab your phone out of your purse.

‘A stall all the way on the other side. I did a lot of walking in the last hour.’

“I couldn’t find a drink stall that had anything I wanted. Thanks.” You give him a nod and drop yourself down next to his side on the bench to wait for the rest of your party. Levi says nothing else, but he does give you a side eye and glances up at the shining headpiece you adorned. You can’t help but smile widely at him and strike a lazy pose to show it off. You really did feel like a real princess even with the itchy dress. He turns his head away quickly and you fold your hands onto your lap, your smile slowly fading. You wish you could read minds.

“Ah, there you two are!!” A voice shrieks out. Hange comes practically skipping over with a grinning Erwin right behind her. “Sorry we’re so late. I have no excuses.” You can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh as you stand up to meet them. You hear Levi shuffling to do the same, the paper bag crinkling in his hand as he grips it tightly.

“I hope you all ate well because it’s time for some axe throwing and arrow nocking.” Erwin says with a slight chuckle. You nod vigorously and start off under the archway leading into your next activity.

Archery was not your forte, you quickly find out. You couldn’t stop holding the bow in a way that would keep the string from snapping back into your forearm. You had to stop after a couple tries because you feared if you tried any more, the bowstring would slice right into your skin. There will most definitely be a bruise there by the end of tonight. Erwin was phenomenal with the bow, and you could not help but stare in awe as he basically achieved a bullseye with every other arrow.

Axe throwing on the other hand was cathartic in all the best ways. You were not very accurate at it, but you achieved hitting the hard wood and that was an accomplishment all in its own right. Everyone had taken several steps back when it came to Hange’s turn. The wicked gleam in her eyes was enough to warn every one of her potential. Fortunately, she was actually fairly good at the sport. One of her axes only bounced back once. Levi, of course, was great at both sports, hitting the targets with deadly precision. You shudder at the thought of anyone on the receiving end of Levi’s wrath given the opportunity to use weapons like these.

The sun was just starting to lower in the sky when it was time for Levi’s choice. Like you, he went with something a little more physically exerting. He opted for sword fighting. You could tell that Erwin was just as excited for it as well because his smile had not left his face the entire time you all made your way down to the field. Hange wasn’t exactly thrilled about it because she worried what might happen even with wooden swords, so both of you decided to sit on the sidelines to watch them closely.

They must have been sparring partners in a past life because the way they moved around each other in the field was mesmerizing. Every hit was met with a perfect parry. There were dodge rolls and feint attacks. Even with Levi’s physical limitations, he was still keeping Erwin on his toes, neither one going easy on the other. You had to admit that it was fun to observe them go at each other.

In the blink of an eye, you watch as Erwin twists his body in a way that grants him access to punch Levi in the face with the hilt of his sword. You stand up quickly, about to jump over the guardrail to make sure Levi was okay but he doesn’t even falter. He staggers back for a moment but goes right back into a defensive stance. From here, you can see the left side of Levi’s face has a small dribble of blood running down it. It’s coming from a cut above his left brow, and he’s not even batting an eye.

Levi comes at Erwin so quickly that you’re barely able to keep up with it. In a flash, he’s right behind Erwin and about to kick his legs out from under him but Erwin throws himself into Levi to knock him back. And then they’re at it again. You lean over the rail in anticipation, glancing back and forth between them and the sword instructor in hopes that they would come over and make them stop before things got too rough. But they did nothing, in fact they were staring at them in awe just as you were at their movements.

“Shit!” You hear along with the clattering of a wooden sword against the hard dirt. You stare in panic as you see Erwin holding his right wrist as he grimaces in pain. You and Hange immediately start running to them.

“Oh fuck, Erwin I’m sorry. I didn-“

“No, no. We were both going too hard. I should have seen this coming.” He says through gritted teeth as he holds his hand to his chest.

‘Are you okay? What happened?’ You sign to him quickly, your face no doubt flushed with anxiety. Levi is horror stricken as he stares at his best friend, who as always remains calm. The instructor is nowhere in sight when you need him, of course.

“A simple disarming maneuver. It’s just twisted is all.” Erwin nods down at you in reassurance, adding a warm smile with it. You’re most definitely not reassured.

“Alright boys, let’s take you both to the infirmary.” Hange sighs as she grabs Erwin by his other arm and tugs him along. You take a step forward to follow but Levi just huffs behind you, no sign of movement comes from his direction.

“You all go ahead, I’ll be fine.”

“Levi, you’re literally bleeding from your head.” They snark back.

“I’m fine, just go.” Levi turns and walks back to the benches where your and Hange’s things sat currently. You look over to Hange with bewilderment but they just give you a cheeky grin.

“Stay with him, we’ll be right back.” They shout as they continue to pull Erwin away in what you guess is the direction of the medical tent. You click your tongue, a habit you accidentally picked up from Levi, and spin back around. Levi’s trying to dab at his wound with the bottom of his black costume shirt, his lower abdomen peeking through and you force your eyes back up to his face as you make your way towards him. You grunt to get his attention, cocking your head to the side when he looks up.

“What?”

Sliding your phone back out of your purse, you type quickly, ‘You’re not doing a very good job at that.’

“Tch, I can’t exactly see what I’m doing.” He looks away as he lets go of his shirt. You pull yourself up the stairs to where he sat and straddle the bench so you’re facing him. Grabbing a couple of napkins from Hange’s bag and a water bottle you had purchased at the start of the activity, you then wet them carefully so as not to spill too much. Levi’s staring hard at you.

“What are you doing?” He asks in apprehension.

You only stare back at him, softening your gaze as you lift your hand up slowly to his face. He doesn’t flinch back, which you take as a good sign of him trusting you. You use your other hand to pull his hair back a little and start dabbing at the cut carefully with the wet napkin. The gash isn’t bleeding anymore, thankfully. Most of it had already started coagulating. The spot had also started to swell with heat and when you press back down on it gently, you feel him wince with a hiss. You then rub at the dried blood that had trickled down his face. When you do so, your eyes flicker over to him and he’s staring at you in such a way that makes you falter. He looks away quickly after you both lock eyes for a second. It was only for a moment, but it was such an intense look. You’re suddenly aware of how close you are to him, so you sit up straight and scoot back.

‘Be right back. I’m going to get ice for your welt.’ You type as you pick yourself up from the bench. He clears his throat and sits back as well, nodding in acknowledgment. Tossing the blood stained napkins into a trashcan on your way out, you pick up your pace as you feel your face warm up. He was so close to you; you could smell his signature fresh laundry and body wash. And it was almost as if his stormy gray eyes were a magnet, drawing you into them. You shake your head at the thought as if to clear them out of your mind.

When you finally find a stall that would give you a cup of ice without charging, you make your way back to where you left Levi. It takes you a minute, but you finally spot him pacing back and forth frantically. When he sees you, he stops in his tracks then sprints over to you. His black mask is all forgotten and you’re able to see his full features; His face is full of fear, eyebrows knit and eyes wide.

“I- we need-” Levi breathes out. Even his voice is wavering with panic. You set the cup down and type faster than you ever have before.

‘Levi, breathe. What happened?’

“I need to get out of here, but I don’t know where Erwin and Hange went. Erwin is my ride. But I need to go.”

‘Go where? What happened?’ You grab onto one of his hands in hopes to ground him. His eyes are darting around wildly. When you squeeze his hand hard to get his attention, they finally land on your face and you take a deep breath, hoping he would follow. He attempts to but it’s fairly shallow.

“Sh-she’s back at the hospital. Something happened and she’s there and I…” Is all he manages to get out. His eyes are frantically looking around for the others. She? You grab all of your belongings as well as the things left behind from Erwin and Hange and tuck everything under one arm. With the other, you pull out your car keys and reach for Levi’s hand. He jolts back, staring at you with alarm. You reach for it again and clasp it with keys tucked in between both of your palms, then you start running for the entrance of where you all came from.

With the evening drawing near, there were not nearly as many people here as there was before, but it was still enough to be a nuisance to run through. You gripped onto Levi’s hand so tightly, afraid of losing him in the crowd. You don’t notice but at one point, he starts to hold on with both of his hands for dear life. When you finally break out, you dash down the aisle where your car was. There was no time to let Hange know where you two were going, you would have to do that when you got to where you were heading. Just as there was no time to ask Levi what the hell you two were doing, you would get answers later. All you knew was that he was panicking, and you had the power to help him.

When you eventually find the car, you toss in the things under your arms into the back seat then throw yourself into the driver’s side. Levi does the same on the passenger side and you don’t hesitate to back out before checking to see if he was buckled in. In mere moments, you’re zooming down to the only hospital in town.

.

The car ride was filled with Levi’s panicked heavy breathing as you did your best to weave around the end of day rush hour. Every once and a while, you would hear Levi cursing at a red light or a stop sign, his hands gripping the dashboard so tight that his knuckles turned white. One of his knees was shaking up and down so fast you’re surprised the car doesn’t bounce with it. Without thinking, you reach over with one of your hands and place it on top of his knee gently. It stops. You spare a glance at him and he’s staring straight ahead, but he makes no move to throw your hand off him. You both stay like this for the rest of the ride.

After what feels like an eternity, you drop Levi off at the front so you can find a place to park. It takes a couple minutes but you’re able to find a spot near the back, though you don’t get out of the car right away. Instead, you take this time to send Hange a quick text about your situation as well as collect yourself. Levi’s panic is not something you’ll soon forget. It hurt you to see him so distraught. Multiple heavy breathing exercises later, you unbuckle yourself and head out into the now cool evening, the Emergency entrance in your sights.

You deal with communication issues at the front desk but finally you’re able to find where Levi headed off too. It was the waiting room of the surgery wing and you felt your heart sink to your stomach. What happened? When you make it through the doors, you find Levi pacing back and forth with his hands tightly knitted in his hair. He looks up to you with hollow eyes but says nothing. He maintains his pacing so you decide to sit in a chair near him, watching him as he does. This continues for a bit until a woman in gray scrubs comes out of the surgery ward, a clipboard in hand and a neutral expression across her face.

“Ackerman?” She calls out. Levi stops dead and he’s quick to bound over to her with you right behind.

“What’s going on?” His voice is gravelly and dripping with anxiety. She eyeballs the two of you and only then do you remember that you both pulled up in matching costumes, now sticking out like a sore thumb in comparison to the white, sterile walls. You wrap your arms around you self-consciously and shoot her a weak grin.

“She’s in stable condition right now. But I’m afraid your mother suffered an extreme heart attack earlier this evening. We had to perform an immediate PCI. The blockage was found and taken care of in time, fortunately.” The nurse states calmly. Mother?

“How did this happen?” His words come through gritted teeth.

“I was not told of the specifics, I’m sorry.”

“Can I see her?”

“You may but she won’t be awake for a while. She just got out of surgery.” She murmurs as she takes a close look at her clipboard.

“I don’t care, I need to see her.”

She looks up from the board to take a look at Levi’s face closely, her eyes trailing up to the cut on his eyebrow before asking, “Would you like us to take a look at that wound while you’re here?”

“No. Can we go now?” Levi clips impatiently.

“Very well. Come with me.” And she starts off to the double doors behind her, pulling her badge out to unlock them. Then she sees you following Levi’s steps and stops to speak to you. “I’m sorry, are you family as well?” You don’t see it, but Levi’s eyes narrow at the nurse.

“She’s with me.” Is all he says but his choice of words makes your stomach flutter. With me. The nurse just sighs and taps her badge to the scanner causing the doors to open with a beep. You’re led down a maze of halls until you get to a room with a big glass window. As you pass it, you’re hit with a fleeting feeling of familiarity at the face that belonged to the woman in the bed. After following Levi into the room, the nurse then closes the door behind you with a click.

The room is silent all besides the beeping of the monitors next to the bed. Levi is already at the woman’s, his mom’s, side. He’s holding her hand and his expression has already gone from dread to worried relief. Your eyes trail over to the woman’s features, and you gasp audibly because this face was indeed familiar. But your mind feels like it’s hitting a wall because you can’t recall exactly why she was so familiar and it frustrates you. Taking a couple steps forward, you eye the beautiful face trying to rack your brain still. Nothing. Levi’s staring at you like he wants to say something but thinks better of it and shifts his gaze back to his mom. Not this again.

You pull your phone out of your purse and type a quick message to him. A notification ping goes off, but he makes no effort to check it. You wave at him to get his attention and when he looks over, you point to your phone and then towards him.

‘I’m glad to know your mom is okay. Are you?’

“I’m fine.” Short and to the point, as always.

‘You looked like you wanted to say something a minute ago. What?’

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

‘Don’t shut me out. What is it?’

“I’m not shutting you out.” His voice straining.

‘You are. What’s going on with you?’

“There’s nothing going on. Leave it alone.”

‘No. Ever since the party, you’ve been distant with me, and I deserve to know why. What happened that night? Did I do something wrong?’ You stare hard at Levi, but he continues to stare down at the screen. His grip on the phone is tight.

“This is not the time for this right now.” He mumbles coarsely. You huff loudly and slap your hands down to your thighs. His gaze finally cuts over to you, his eyes dark and tired more than usual. Both of you lock eyes for a moment, and you can tell he’s thinking of something else to say to you but then the room is filled with the noises of your stomach growling violently. Your cheeks are quick to flare up and you’re the first to break away from the staring contest.

“Hungry?” Levi quips in a dry tone. You’re quick to frown at him. But you are, you’re severely hungry. In the hour that you were supposed to feed yourself, you ended up window shopping the whole time. Even when you stopped to grab Levi that tea, you didn’t buy yourself food. You were just too engrossed with your surroundings.

“Just go get some food, you’re not useful here.” He’s right, but you can’t keep the hurt look from flashing across your face at his words.

‘Neither are you. Besides, I don’t want to leave you.’ Only after you hit send are you aware of what you just said and you quickly type out, ‘Since I’m your ride, and all.’ Nailed it.

“I can call Erwin.” He could, but you wanted answers and you had him cornered for once.

‘Just come get dinner with me. I’ll take you right back here after. The nurse said she’d be out for a while anyways and that she’s stable. You know they’ll call you if anything happens.’ You glance back over to his mom to study her face again. She was just as beautiful as his son, her features just the same as his. Her familiarity still itched at you.  When you don’t hear a response, you look over to Levi and see that he’s eying you with thought. You offer a small smile, and he rolls his eyes.

“Fine. But here right after.” You swear you hear his stomach rumbling as well.

.

After a brief drive, you both find yourselves sitting in red booths at a diner down the street. The smell of greasy food permeates your senses and you’re drooling already. The multitude of options were too overwhelming, so you went with a simple burger and fries. Levi orders the same without even looking at His menu. His mind was clearly far away at the moment.

‘Spill.’ You shoot at him.

“Really, right here?” He clicks his tongue and looks out to watch the cars passing on the street.

‘Yes, really. Why are you being so distant with me? What did I do?’

“You didn’t do anything.”

‘You could have fooled me.’ You use your straw to stir at your soda mindlessly.

“Tch, it’s nothing you did, okay? I mean it.” He mutters as he takes a sip of his water, eyes still focused on the street.

‘Okay, then what is it?’

There’s a pause.

“How much of your childhood do you remember prior to the fire?” Out of all the things you thought he would say next, this is not one of them. It was so out of left field; it takes him staring you straight in the eyes to be able to respond. You blink down at your phone.

‘Not much. Just warm feelings, an older brother and two parents. Why?’ You can’t help but frown.

“There’s no way to say thi-“ He’s cut off by the waitress coming over to set down your plates of food with a wide grin. You don’t miss the way she looks at Levi. There were practically hearts in her eyes.

“Anything else I can get y’all?” She asks, looking between the two of you.

“No.” Levi remarks dismissively, not even bothering to look up at her.

“Oh, well. Holler if you need me!” She chirps then walks away leaving the two of you to stare at each other. You nervously pick at your fries as you send Levi another text.

‘You were saying?’  

“We used to be neighbors when we were kids.” The fry you held in your fingers drops back to the plate as you process what he just said. Neighbors? No, you’re certain you’ve never seen him before. You look up at him and shake your head.

“We were. I used to come over and play with your brother every day. My mother adored you.” Levi mumbles as he pokes at his burger with a fork. You suddenly feel dizzy as you feel that wall from earlier start cracking. Is this why…? A memory of warm cookies and long raven hair zooms through your mind.

“I’m sure all the trauma you’ve endured for years erased many of your memories. I know for certain you don’t remember me, but I guess that would make sense. I’m not the gangly kid you once knew.” He chuckles darkly. You’re still having a hard time processing what he just said but you definitely can’t recall many memories prior to the time you were with the Zoë’s. You continue to blink hard at him, your dinner all but forgotten. After a moment, your fingers start typing again.

‘I’m sorry I don’t remember you.’

“Tch, that’s your takeaway here?” He rolls his eyes and drums his fingers on the hard table impatiently. He was still holding back.

‘Just say it, Levi.’

“I just didn’t know you were alive, is all.” Alive? Did he think… how did he…?

‘How did you find this all out?’

“The pictures on your desk. I did some searching when I got home that night and found the articles about your family. Mom and I heard about the fire about a year or two after it happened from a stranger in passing.” He leans back in his seat, eyes now falling on your pallid face. “You know, we moved when I was around nine, so it was strange to hear about something so far away. We assumed the whole family died, no one knew about a survivor. So that’s why I didn’t think anything of it. Also, because, well, you look different now compared to when you were six.” He averts his gaze and takes a drink of his water as he thinks. You’re glad for the pause because this was enough to make your head go reeling. You sit forward and shove your head in your hands to keep yourself from falling over in the seat.  

A couple minutes pass before you’re able to form coherent words, ‘Is that why you’ve been so distant? Because you remembered we had a past together?’ You look up at him through eyelashes, his gaze soft on you. He shifts in his seat uncomfortably. There’s more.

“No.” His hands that sat on top of the table are clenched in fists so tight that you wouldn’t be surprised if his nails drew blood from his palms. You reach over with shaking hands to hold on to one of his to get his attention. With pleading eyes, you stare up at him. He doesn’t shake off your touch, in fact he clasps his fingers over yours and holds on tightly. They were soft and warm and very much needed.

“My dad was a drunk, a very mean, abusive drunk. My mother worked hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table while he stayed home and drank the day away. I always had to clean up after him since he wouldn’t do it himself, leaving half-drunk liquor bottles and lit cigarettes all over the place. And my poor mom, she was already so tired when she came home that I couldn’t bear to see her do more work.” He grips your hand tighter as he looks away.

“One day, my mom came home while I was gone. I didn’t clean that day because I was out so late. So he starts yelling at her, screaming that she was lazy and never picked up around the house. When I came home, I see this fucker slapping my mother in the face so hard that she fell backwards, and I snapped. I threatened him with a knife and everything, telling him if he touched me or my mom ever again I would kill him. The bastard laughed in my face. My mom was afraid I would follow through with that threat so that’s why she made us move. God, you were so sad that day.” He takes a deep breath and fixes his gaze back to you. His expression is pained and so full of guilt.

“I’m the reason your family is dead.” Levi’s voice is so soft, it was almost a whisper. You knew that to be a lie considering everything he told you. He moved away before the fire even happened, so that’s not possible. You scan his face, your eyes searching for anything other than remorse and guilt but that’s all there was. You shake your head at him furiously. It’s a lie, you know that.

“I am. I don’t know how it happened, but the dirty bastard died in the house fire of his own doing. But then it caught onto yours and… I just,” He swallows hard. “I can’t help but think that if I never threatened him then my mother and I would have stayed. And I could have been there to clean up after him. I could have stopped the fire from ever happening. I could have kept your family safe, and you would still be with them.” There’s a very physical pain in your gut as you slowly understand why he was so distant with you, why he was shutting you out. Levi blamed himself for everything. The speed at which you snatch your phone and type away would have been impressive, had you cared at that moment.

‘Not your fault.’

“Yes, it is.”

‘You did not start the fire. He did. Nothing you could have done.’ You reach over even more to look straight into his stormy gray eyes.

“You don’t understand, I could have stopped it.” Levi repeats.

‘Levi, listen to me. There’s nothing in the world that you could have done to stop it. I know more than most how much I wish it didn’t happen but it did. And knowing that even despite my unfortunate circumstances, you were able to get out of such a shitty situation. And that makes me happy. No one deserves someone like that in their life. Especially not you. I’ve made peace with this. You should too.’ You squeeze his hand tightly and stare up at him with what you hoped looked like a reassuring smile. He doesn’t say anything from behind his phone screen.

‘I don’t blame you for anything and that has to count for something.’ He glances up at you again. It’s like the life had deflated from his body and he looked so small. A part of you wished you could hold him and tell him he was okay.

“Thank you.” His voice is hoarse, causing him to clear his throat. “I should have said something sooner, but I was afraid.”

‘Afraid of what?’

“That you would get mad at me or stop talking to me.” He mumbles. You’re not sure if it was the dark talk or the suffocating tension but you laugh, really hard. It feels foreign to you since you do your best not to laugh out loud usually but you don’t care, his simplicity was so funny to you. He furrows his brows at you and starts to pull his hand away but you grab onto it and don’t let it go.

‘I would never. There’s nothing to be mad about.’ Levi’s shoulder’s slump and you can tell a lot of the stress he held in his tiny frame had finally dissipated.

“That’s not funny.” He complains, but a small smirk twitches at the corners of his scarred lips.

‘Thank you for telling me. Really.’ You squeeze his hand once more before letting go of it, the warmth of his skin lingering on your fingertips. A moment of silence ensues, and you take this moment to take a bite of your surprisingly still warm burger. It was delicious and you’re reminded again of how hungry you really were. Levi hesitates but does the same. It’s like this for a while. Comfortable, yet again.

There was no room in your heart to be mad at Levi, especially for something he was not responsible for in any capacity. You were not lying; you really had made peace with it all years ago. If anything, it was reassuring having answers of what had happened that night. And you were grateful for Levi, even if he didn’t believe it. Something else stirs in your chest but you swat it away.

A couple bites later and you can’t help but ask the most important question yet, ‘What was I like back then?’ His scoff and eye roll intrigues you right away.

“You were such a troublemaker. A little shit, if I might say.” You choke on your soda and stare at him with a dumbfounded expression. “It’s true. You got your brother in trouble a lot. Always having to chase after you. There were a lot of times I had to carry you home kicking and screaming because you didn’t get your way.” He exhales in what almost sounded like content. Something flashes in your mind.

‘Was there a frog?’

“Good god, out of all the things you remember, it’s that incident?” He bites into a fry but there’s a smile behind it. It’s not big or anything but it’s enough to warm you from the inside.

‘Well now you HAVE to tell me.’

“There was a pond down the street that you loved to play in. It had started storming and your brother couldn't coerce you into coming home so I picked you up and flung you over my shoulder while you kicked and screamed. All because you wanted to take a frog home to be your new pet.” A visual of pouring rain and staring down at the wet pavement crosses your mind. You can’t help but smile at the memory.

‘Mr. Froggy.’ You giggle at the memory.

“Yes, I believe that’s what you called him.” Levi wipes his mouth and sits forward to look at you, his mouth open to say something else but he closes it just as fast. You tap your finger on the table and shake your head at him, as if to say tell me.

“Okay, okay. I saw something at the fair that I thought you might like.” You sit up quickly and gawk at him. You then point to yourself to make sure that he meant you. He pulls the small brown bag you saw earlier out of a pocket you didn’t even know existed. Clapping your hands together, you smile brightly at him. He places it in front of you. You waste no time tearing into the bag.

Inside is a thin and dainty gold chain necklace with a small pendant hanging off it. It’s a pink, crystal cherry blossom surrounded by the same gold metal. It was simple and elegant and perfect. You stare up at Levi with wide eyes and he has the brightest pink flush dusting his cheeks. He’s not looking at you. Without even thinking about it, you quickly stand and move to slide into his booth with your back to him, holding the necklace up behind you. You don’t see it, but he is flustered to no end. Though, he understands because he takes it from you and carefully reaches around your neck to clip it on. It sits perfectly and you can't help but turn to him with a wide smile. He's a lot closer than you thought he would be. Silver eyes stare into yours and your smile falters.

“Will this be one check or two?” A chipper voice rings out, making you both jump away quickly. Your face is matching the same flush on Levi’s.

“One, please.” Levi says after clearing his throat. You look back at him with your most offended expression. He just clicks his tongue and pulls out his card from his wallet to hand to the waitress. She runs off to charge it but not before making a face at the proximity of the two of you.

“It’s easier this way.” He mutters quickly. You jump back over to your side, still feeling the heat of your face radiating.

‘Thank you so much, Levi. I love it. How did you know I liked sakuras?’ You cock an eyebrow at him while you fiddled with the small pendant in between two fingers.

“Your bedroom door. It’s a fitting flower for you.” He’s fidgeting with his long sleeves.

‘Something else bothering you?’

“Not really. It’s just, the necklace reminded me of something that’s happening next month and since you love cherry blossoms so much I thought maybe you’d be interested.” He flicks his eyes over to yours quickly before looking down at his phone for your response.

‘Well, what is it?’ It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest. Is he asking you what you think he’s asking…?

“It’s a cherry blossom festival. You know, carnival rides, food stalls, rubber duck racing. Would you… like to go w-with me?” He pulls at his collar nervously. You pinch your lips together in hopes it would keep the gigantic grin from forming. You start typing a response but then he quickly cuts in with, “Hange and Erwin are invited of course.” Oh.

‘Yeah, that sounds like fun. Let’s do it.’ You offer him a small smile instead, afraid your disappointment would show.

“Well. Great, that sounds… great.” He sighs.

Yeah, great.

You spend the rest of the evening recalling the last couple of hours in your head over and over again. Hange and Erwin ended up meeting you both back at the hospital and after a quick overview of what happened, both parties went their separate ways with Erwin and Levi staying at the hospital for a little longer. He said he would update you on news of his mom’s status when he got any. It was a very awkward goodbye, to say the least. Thankfully Hange had not asked any questions of what had transpired but you notice their not-so-subtle glances at the new accessory adorning your neck. You had spent a couple hours of tossing and turning in your bed as you replayed every word that was said tonight until finally you were lulled asleep into the late hours.

☆AN ➼ This chapter was so long that I won't be surprised if I missed anything lol. Anyways, I hope y'all liked it despite it being so long (my b) and I appreciate you taking the time to read my delusions. ALSO We're getting closer to the end. I'm aiming to end it on June but we'll see how it goes. The next chapter is going to be all fluff and I am SO excited. Have a great day/night and as always, please like and reblog so I know I'm doing something right. Love y'all k bye. ☆

☾ Previous Chapter: February

☾ Next Chapter: April

[hadesforpreswrites]

somewhere in neverland, pt. 1

a/n: after much deliberation with myself, i decided to continue "emotional support boyscouts" with a jk fic where the reader battles bipolar (type ii) disorder. again this is something that i deal with and this is similar to what happens to me. everyone's experience with mental illnesses is different and i understand that.

there is no romance in this particular part but there will be a part two, so bear with me. i didn't want it to feel forced and i think i've laid a decently solid groundwork for a strangers-to-friends-to-lovers story.

as always, please let me know if you like this and maybe even what you'd like to see in a part two so i can keep that in mind when i write it. 🥰 AND if i missed any tags you think should be in the warnings, let me know!

banner made by yours truly

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: hurt/comfort

warnings: bipolar (type ii) disorder, mental health issues, playfully light bullying of one kim namjoon, jungkook gets attached to reader quickly

word count: 2,733

summary: jungkook hasn't left his house in days and barely answers texts, namjoon has a friend who does something similar - so he introduces them

jungkook lets out a groan as he hears a knock at the door. bam is already waiting expectantly for the visitor to enter. when he doesn’t immediately answer, he hears the door open to reveal namjoon carrying bags of takeout. 

“hey, bam,” namjoon cooed at the doberman. “where’s your dad?”

“in here,” jungkook’s voice came muffled from the couch in the living room.

after removing his shoes, namjoon padded into the room and set the food on the coffee table in front of the couch. “we haven’t heard from you in a few days. i was getting worried.”

“so you break into my house?”

“not breaking in if i have a key, kook.”

jungkook huffed. “i’ve responded to group chat messages.”

“using emojis and one word responses.”

“still responses,” he mumbled.

“right, sure,” namjoon replied, getting the food out of the bags and placing them on the coffee table. “come on, eat.”

the two men ate in silence for a few minutes until namjoon could no longer take it. “man, when was the last time you left this house?”

jungkook looked up at him with wide eyes and noodles hanging out of his mouth and shrugged.

in truth, it had been a couple weeks since he properly left his house. he hadn’t been feeling up to doing much lately so he hasn’t been. he didn’t realize it was a big deal until namjoon showed up.

“you haven’t left the house in a while and you’re answers to texts leave a lot to be desired,” namjoon then sighed. “we’re worried about you. i’m worried about you.”

namjoon knew that coming from him, jungkook would listen. he knew that he had somewhat gotten through to him when the younger put his bowl and chopsticks down with a sigh. 

“i don’t know, hyung. i just don’t have it in me right now.”

“i think i understand,” namjoon thought for a moment. “let me take you somewhere.”

“where?”

“it’s a surprise. finish your food and go get dressed.”

jungkook knew that it would be in vain to try to argue with the older man now so he ate and dressed.

while he was getting dressed, namjoon called for a ride. when the ride arrived the two were on there way to whatever namjoon had planned.

after about half an hour, the car pulled up in front of a cozy-looking bookstore. “hyung, why are we here? i don’t even read that much.”

“a habit that should be changed, but that’s not the only reason we’re here. i want you to meet someone.”

jungkook sighed. “i’m not really in the headspace to meet anyone new.”

“which is why you’re going to. besides, i think you’ll enjoy her company.”

“please tell me you’re not trying to set me up.”

“please, i know better. besides, i don’t want to lose her as a friend because of you,” namjoon teased, bumping his shoulder into the younger man’s.

“first of all, i’m not the worst one in our group and you know it. secondly — actually i don’t have a second thing. let’s just go.”

a small bell above the door jingled as they entered the small building. “friendly reminder that cameras are not permitted in this establishment,” said a feminine voice from behind the counter, the woman it belonged to not even looking up from her book. 

“wow, not even a ‘hello, how are you, joon?’” namjoon teased the girl.

“nope. you’re not special,” she jabbed, sticking a bookmark in her place and looking up with a bright smile.

“well, you are,” namjoon winked as the two men approached the counter.

“nice try, kid.”

“kid?! i’m like two years older than you,” namjoon whined, causing her to laugh.

it was a laugh that jungkook would not soon forget; it sounded magical to his ears.

“this must be jungkook,” she said and oh god she’d said his name and suddenly he didn’t want anyone else to say it again.

“i seem to be at a disadvantage.” it was something jimin was more likely to say than himself. “you know my name but i don’t know yours.”

“y/n. i must not be that special if joon hasn’t even told you about me.”

y/n, he thought to himself. beautiful name for the beautiful girl standing in front of him.

“how did this turn into a kim namjoon roast? you know what? don’t answer that, i’m going to browse to make myself feel better,” namjoon huffed, playfully.

“for what it’s worth, i do think hyung told me about you. i just haven’t been great at retaining information lately,” jungkook blushed, trying to make amends for his friend.

she smiled at him, making his heart race and his blush deepen. “you must be the one he’s worried about. don’t worry he didn’t tell me specifics, didn’t even tell me which band member it was. i’m glad he was able to get you out of the house. though, i didn’t doubt he could. he’s very persuasive.”

jungkook breathed out a small laugh in agreement. “yes he is. he broke in with food.”

she gasped, feigning fear. “what a scary burglar.”

a moment passed. “you know,” she started. “he’s done that to me before too.”

jungkook looked up at her, stunned. for all he knew the two had only met recently, but as he said: he hasn’t been retaining much information.

“well, not exactly. he doesn’t have a key or anything,” she clarified. “but he did show up unannounced with food and drug me here.”

“he made you come to work?”

she let out a small laugh of her own. “believe it or not: this is my happy place. my mom bought this place when i was in my teens. she won’t admit to it but i know it’s because of how much i’ve always enjoyed reading and just being around books. she let me make little reading nooks out of thrifted furniture in various spots around the bookshelves. before i started working here full-time, and sometimes while i’m on the clock, you could find me curled up in one of the oversized chairs.”

he looked over at one of the old, large leather chairs and imagined her curled up with a blanket, book, and cup of tea. it was an image that somehow brought even him peace. to know that somewhere there was someone who wasn’t burdened by the weight of the world, at least in these little moments, made him feel a little better. 

“why’d he feel the need to do that?” jungkook asked before he could stop himself.

“because my mom asked him to…and he’s a good friend,” she gazed over at the older man who had taken a place in another chair with his nose in a book. 

he was looking at her. for the first time in their short meeting he noticed a sadness in her eyes, worry on her brow.

“i hadn’t left my apartment in weeks, had honestly barely come out of my room. barely ate anything. couldn’t be bothered to answer texts let alone calls. all i could get myself to do was sleep.”

it was sounding all too familiar to jungkook.

“i hadn’t even showered in a week by the time namjoon made it over. i opened the door with greasy hair, a sweatshirt and shorts that i’d been wearing all week, and a headache. he didn’t judge me, just ushered me back inside. told me to get in the shower while he laid out our food, he even did my dishes. after we ate he said it was time to get out of my cave and brought me here. it was the first time i’d smiled in weeks.”

he felt a pang in his heart at the hurt in her voice. he saw a tear fall from her eye and reached over to wipe it from her cheek. he swore he felt her lean into his touch. 

“sorry,” she said when he pulled away. “i so didn’t mean to unload on you the day we first meet. you must think i trauma dump on everyone.”

“i think you’re brave for being able to talk about it. even to a relative stranger.”

~a few weeks later~

jungkook found himself occupying space at the bookstore at least once or twice a week now. he and y/n found themselves growing close, becoming friends. he still couldn’t shake his listless feeling but coming to hang out with her while she worked, or read, helped. he started being more active in his group chat with the boys and started working out again.

“there’s someone i want you to meet,” he said one day out of the blue.

“oooh, do i finally get to meet jimin?” she teased.

“i mean i could arrange that. but no, that’s not who i was talking about,” he said, unsure of why his chest tightened and why he suddenly felt a pang of resentment toward his friend. “i think bam would really like you.”

he reveled in the way her eyes brightened. “oh my gosh. i would love to meet bam.”

“can i bring him here? he could use a day out.”

“absolutely. bring him here. i’ll read all the books to him and make him love me,” she said, causing him to laugh.

he didn’t know that every time he smiled or laughed when she at something she said or did, she felt a little lighter.

“excellent,” he said. “i’ll bring him tomorrow.”

and he did. he was right, bam did like her a lot. he commanded almost all of her attention. jungkook found himself smiling just watching the two interact. 

“i think i like him more than i like you,” she told him. 

“well, he is objectively better than me.”

~

she had quickly become one of his favorite people. which is why when about two weeks later when he walked into the bookstore and saw it was closed he began to worry. he pulled out his phone and called namjoon.

“is it weird for the store to be closed randomly?” was the first thing out of his mouth when the older man answered, not a greeting.

“well, hello to you too.”

jungkook sighed. “sorry, hyung. hello, how are you? is it weird for the store to be closed randomly?”

“y/n’s store?”

“yeah.”

“maybe she had appointments or something. is there a sign on the door?”

“no.”

“shit. hold on, let me call you back.” with that namjoon hung up quickly.

jungkook paced in front of the store, worry growing in his chest as he sent her a quick text, not wanting to pry too much in case she really was busy.

“where is she?” he mumbled to himself. he didn’t realize how important this new routine had become to him until this moment. he answered his phone immediately when it rang.

“she’s at her apartment. her mom said she hasn’t left since the last time you were at the store.”

“hyung, that was like a week ago. can you tell me where her apartment is?”

namjoon gave him his address, not thinking of the potential consequences because they were both worried.

jungkook walked quickly back to his car and tried his best not to speed to her apartment building. traffic was not on his side today as he hit every red light and there were many vehicles on the road, more than he remembered when he was on his way to the store to begin with.

besides their first meeting, they never really spoke about the time namjoon pulled her out of a dark place. he didn’t know what to expect when he pulled into a parking space in front of the tall building. he pushed the button to the elevator and bounced on his feet. it was taking too long. he let his eyes flit back and forth between the door for the stairs and the elevator (that still wasn’t here). he shook his head and kicked the door open.

not once did it cross his mind until later as to why he opted to run up twelve flights of stairs for a girl he wasn’t dating and/or sleeping with - a girl he’d only known a matter of weeks. adrenaline must have kept him going because he ran all the way to her door and knocked. after his frantic knocking, he doubled over, hands on his knees, breathing hard.

it took a couple of minutes but soon the door began to open slowly. jungkook lifted his head, peering through his hair, and saw that the door was only opened slightly and there was no light but he could make out the rough shape of a human.

he stood up to his full height. “i wasn’t sure you’d open the door,” he said, hoping to lighten the mood.

“couldn’t see anyone through the peephole. thought it might be a child.”

“half right. can i come in?” he asked, smiling big at the girl.

“i don’t know, jungkook. it’s kind of a mess in here and-”

“i could not care less about the state of your apartment. i only care that you’re breathing and if you’ll let me in so we can talk.”

she let out a shaky breath, “okay.”

the door opened wider and she shuffled back, giving him space to enter. once he was in her apartment and the door was shut again, he searched for a lamp or some form of light. 

does she have blackout curtains up in the living room? he asked himself.

once he located a lamp by the couch, he made himself comfortable. it was her effect on him, when she was around he felt at ease, even when she was in this state.

she sat down on the opposite side of the couch, facing him, legs bent in front of her, like a shield. “did my mom call namjoon again?”

“no, i think he called her actually. i went to the store and it was closed so i called him.”

“and then you pulled a namjoon and showed up? but without food?”

“he’s more nurturing than i am. plus, i was in a bit of a rush.”

“why? i was just sleeping.”

“for a whole week?”

“maybe.”

“y/n…” he sighed.

he didn’t know what to say to make this situation better. so he opted to ask the question that had been on his mind since the day they met.

“why? why does this happen?”

she looked down at her hands, picking at her cuticles. “i-” she sniffled.

“hey,” he said quietly, moving closer to her and taking her hands in his. “whatever you’re going to say, doesn’t change anything. let me in. please.”

she didn’t look up at him when she said, “i’m type two bipolar. and when i’m on my medication i feel fine. but the pharmacy is having some issues getting it this time so i haven’t been able to take it.”

“i’m not gonna try to pretend to know what that’s like but i’m so sorry it’s happening.”

“thanks,” she mumbled. “most of the time, i’m fine. or i can pretend. but sometimes when i’m off my meds, before the mania can set in, i end up sleeping. a lot.”

“what happens when the mania sets in?” he wanted to be prepared for what she might need from him. he wasn’t prepared this time and for that he’ll always feel a little disappointed in himself.

“it changes every time. one time i decided i was going to grow my own vegetables and bought all the things, including soil, to do that.”

“how’d that go?”

“it didn’t.”

they sat in silence for a few minutes before he broke it. “i’m sorry.”

“you don’t have to apologize for something that’s not your fault. my brain just doesn’t behave right without help. it’s no one’s fault,” she smiled sadly at him.

before he could stop himself, he pulled her to him in an awkward, tight hug. “okay but promise me one thing.”

“what’s that?”

“you’ll let me know when it gets like this again. i don’t want you sitting here alone.”

“i can’t promise that, jungkook.”

“what if we set up a simple code? like you send a not very used emoji. like that one that has smoke covering its face.”

“what is that one even for?”

“it’s for this, obviously.”

“okay, i promise.”

“good.”

[spaceorphanssecondbreakfastclub]

SO's Bookclub : It's In His Kiss

Title: It's In His Kiss Author: Julia Quinn Genre: Romance

Goodreads Summary :

Gareth St. Clair is in a bind. His father, who detests him, is determined to beggar the St. Clair estates and ruin his inheritance. Gareth's sole bequest is an old family diary, which may or may not contain the secrets of his past... and the key to his future. The problem is—it's written in Italian, of which Gareth speaks not a word.

Review :

Look, we're to book seven and if anyone's expecting anything different by now, I don't know what they're thinking. Julia Quinn has a formula and she's sticking to it. And I've honestly gotten used to it.

Because you know what? I actually really enjoyed this book.

Does it have problems? Yup. Do I enjoy Quinn's writing style? I think it leaves something to be desired. Was I entertained? Absolutely.

I think something that makes romances palatable for me is if they're not the main focus of the plot. (If you're going to do romance then, oh my god, dig into good character examination, otherwise, I get bored quickly.) And this one (kind of like Romancing Mister Bridgerton) has a bit of an angle to it that stands out. There's a diary, there's missing jewels, there's getting to know each other while figuring all of this out. And, honestly, it's kind of refreshing.

Hyacinth has been a delight through the entire series so far, so I'm glad to say that she continues to be great in this. She's funny and clever and weird and I appreciate that.

Her love interest - Gareth - does have some of the same issues as all of Quinn's men. He's hot tempered. He's an idiot. He doesn't realize he's in love until after he's in loved. He's a bit of a combination of Anthony and Colin. But he's not as rough around the edges. Yes, there were definitely points that had me rolling my eyes. (When he thinks the girl who has never kissed anyone needs kissing lessons -- good god.) And yeah, the daddy issues in this book remind me A LOT of Simon in the first book. But really, he was fine and it didn't take me out too much.

Of course, there were some lovely cameos. Penelope shows up! she doesn't really do anything -- but it was nice to see her again. Daphne is a round for a bit. Violet has some great moments. Lady Danbury is an outright riot. And Anthony's one scene is one of the best in the books.

Colin wasn't around but, Julia! where is my missing scene where Hyacinth goes to get his help with the diary! I feel cheated! (I believe this is the only book he isn't in, though, so I'm hoping for just a little more time with him in book 8).

But yeah. While Quinn's structure of plotting remains cookie-cutter the same, she drags scenes on for far too long, and her characters are just recycled at this point, this book is fun and light and had me entertained, which is all I ask for.

Rating: 4 stars

[endlesslystarlitskies]

Lost and Found- Part 4

A/N: Hello again! I’m going to do my best to do one chapter a day, as right now I have a couple chapters written up, so hopefully that works out. Please let me know what you guys think. I am starting to worry the pacing of the story is a little weird, so let me know! Also, I’m not trying to get lazy or anything, but I also don’t want to be repetitive, so a lot of the fighting scenes are glossed over. Let me know if it looks bad. Thank you to everyone who’s followed the story so far! Hope you guys like it as much as I’m enjoying writing it again!  Genre: Horror, action, adventure, Romance, Slow-Burn, 

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Named Reader (Named but not Described)

Summary: Ella was one of the missing hikers who was kidnapped by the villagers. She narrowly escaped being sacrificed, but her friends weren’t so lucky. Managing to survive out in the woods with her previous skills and knowledge, she runs into Leon, and that meeting begins the longest, most dangerous adventure of her life as she tries to help him save the girl she saw being taken into the church. What will happen along the way? Only one way to find out.  

Warnings: Canon typical violence and gore, Death, Murder, Monsters, Suicidal ideations mentioned, Ella has little regard for her own life and is dealing with the loss of someone closest to her while also fighting to survive with waning self-preservation instincts. Please be cautious if that triggers you.

Word Count: 4,399 Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

Story Masterlist xXx

When Ella had first seen Ashley, she had been on the hill in the woods when she passed by the church, never having been directly by it. The torches had caught her eyes, making her move forward to see what was going on, and it was there she saw Ashley being carried into the building, struggling as much as she could against the large, robed man that was carrying her. Ella could tell the girl wasn’t from the village, and she had wondered if she had been like her- an outsider wandering into something they could have never seen coming.

Ella had stayed there for an hour or so, but there had been infected everywhere, and they didn’t seem like they were going anywhere any time soon. Whoever was in there, they didn’t want her getting out. Ella still waited for as long as she could before she had to move on to find food and water, promising to return with help. And now here she was, not too long after that. Maybe Leon hadn’t been the help she expected to find, but he had proven himself pretty damn reliable already, as well as determined, so she would say she accomplished that goal.

Ella and Leon made their way past the graves and through the surprisingly unlocked gates, but unfortunately there was a larger locked gate in front of the church that required some sort of circular key, which meant they couldn’t get in.

“Damn it.” Leon growled, and Ella felt disappointment fill her. They were so close. Ashley was likely just beyond those doors, and they couldn’t reach her.

She knew that upset Leon the most, Ashley being the only reason he was here after all.

“I’ve got to update my contact.” He told Ella, taking a step back as he pressed on the earpiece. He didn’t seem too concerned with her overhearing, though he did walk a few steps away.

“Condor one to Roost. The church is sealed up.” He got straight to the point, and Ella just leaned against the gate as she listened in on his conversation out of curiosity.

“And baby eagle?” A female voice responded, Ella able to hear her this time. The code name made sense considering, but Ella still found them kind of silly. Baby Eagle? They really couldn’t come up with anything better than that? She supposed the United States Government didn’t have to be creative, though.

“Negative, nothing yet. But they sure do have this place locked up tight.” Ella had to hold back her scoff at that, thinking that he should have seen it when they first brought Ashley here. You would have thoughtSaddler was in the church.

“I see. I can think of one reason they’d want to do so.” Ella couldn’t help but wonder why they talked exactly how you’d think they would in a cliche action movie, a small breathy chuckle escaping her. Leon glanced over at her, but continued to talk to the woman on the other end.

“Oh, she’s here. That’s for sure. I’ll find a way in. Condor Out.” Ella didn’t miss the fact that he didn’t mention her, and if she’d have to guess, he didn’t mention her in the factory either. She didn’t think too much of it, assuming that his contacts wouldn’t care to know about anything other than Ashley.

Leon turned to her after breaking contact, noticing the look on her face.

“What?” He questioned, his expression showing that he knew she had been judging him the entire time.

“That was the most cliche conversation I’ve ever heard. ‘Condor one out’? You might as well have said “over” while you were at it.” She laughed, Leon’s expression of annoyance only furthering her amusement. “Either those action movies are really accurate, or you’re the definition of a cliche 90’s action hero.” She snorted in the middle of her laughter, receiving his now signature roll of the eyes.

“You know that reminds me, I realized I had an extra granola bar, but suddenly I’m not feeling very generous.” Ella’s laughter immediately stopped at that as she gave him a surprised look. He was just telling her this now? Did he think that one granola bar had been enough to satiate her hunger? “Oh that’s just cruel.” She almost pouted. “You would deny someone who’s been wandering around the woods for almost a week food? I thought you were nicer than that.” She laid on the guilt trip immediately. “Not only that, but it’s someone who’s saved your life on multiple occasions. Have you no heart?” That earned her a look of “really?”, and she shrugged. “I would do anything for that granola bar. Don’t test me.” She warned, and he shook his head, before reaching into his pack and tossing it to her.

“Go nuts.” She grinned, tearing open the wrapping and taking a bite out of the sweet snack. She didn’t even like granola bars, but having not eaten much the past few days, it was practically the most delicious thing she had ever tasted. With that, she followed Leon as he scaled the barrier to the church, quietly eating her snack. It reminded her that she needed to get more water soon. . .her throat was getting dry.

“Now I’m wishing I had more. This might be the quietest you’ve been.” She rolled her own eyes, but not even he could ruin the moment she was having as she ate the granola bar, opting to enjoy it in peace.

Her not replying with a witty retort seemed to surprise him as well, but his attention was quickly taken by the wooden door he found to the right of the church, it surprisingly being unlocked.

Ella followed after him, her eyes taking in the small room that was lit by a lantern on a wooden table. Papers were scattered everywhere; a map being pinned up to the wall that Leon took interest in first. Ella was right behind him, munching on her bar as she tried to read the scribbled and smudged writing.

It wasn’t too hard, and it mentioned that they had locked Ashley in the church when they learned Leon was here. That made sense. It hadn’t been very long after Ella watched them carry the girl into the church that she ran into Leon.

More importantly, however, the writing mentioned that the key was being held in the lake, guarded by a monster. Naturally.

“Well, it’s a good thing someone wrote the location of the key here on the map that was behind an unlocked door.” To be fair, Ella had learned early on that most of the villagers weren’t very smart. An effect of the infection, she supposed.

That also made her think that Leon was infected with the kind that didn’t deteriorate the mind, as his senses and intelligence didn’t seem the least bit affected thus far, which meant he would turn out to be powerful if he fell to the infection. Like the man in the hat, or the man with the necklace.

She decided to keep that to herself.

“Yeah, convenient. But it’s all we have to go on.” He had a point there. Ella turned away from the map, looking to the table that held the lamp on papers. She noticed a photo, picking it up and examining it. It was Ashley, the girl lying on the ground with her hands and ankles tied.

“Hey Leon, look.” She turned, showing him the photo as well as the writing on the back. It mentioned an appointed time, which couldn’t be good. Ella found herself once again wondering what it was they could want with the president's daughter. . .

“Hey, that Saddler guy can control the infected, right?” Ella questioned as the wheels in her mind turned.

“Yeah, I think so.” Leon responded, as it had been mentioned a couple of times in the notes and letters they found.

“Then maybe that’s why they want her. They want to control someone in the white house.” It seemed like the most likely reason considering, but that begged the question: What did they want control of the Whitehouse for?

It also meant that like Leon, Ashley was likely infected too, which meant that their goal had just gotten that much more difficult. At the very least, it meant they weren’t going to kill Ashley, so that was good.

Ella could see that Leon was thinking along the same lines, his expression full of contemplation, before he nodded.

“Yeah. Let’s get moving.” Probably a good idea.

xXx

There was a tunnel below the room they had been in that Ella had found, the two making their way down and finding their way towards the lake there. They ran into another village, taking care of the few people there, and finding a couple of gems and a fancy looking ring for their troubles.

The lake was below, but there was no way to get to the body of water from the settlement they were in, as it was attached to the side of the mountain, so they had to continue forward. Making their way through a narrow path, they came across an open wooden drop gate, and directly after it was possibly the most terrifying thing Ella had ever seen.

A gigantic hammer, one end of it being sharpened.

“Good luck finding someone big enough to use this thing.” Leon scoffed, and Ella gave him a wide-eyed look.

“You did not just say that.” She groaned, and Leon turned to her, confused. “I don’t know how much you read books or watch movies, but that has got to be the most obvious line of foreshadowing I have ever heard in the real world.” Leon’s tendency to follow cliches was seriously becoming less funny.

“You know what. . .I’ll actually give that to you.” He sighed, offering no argument as he replayed what he had said in his head.

Now more cautious than before, they headed into the open area beyond another wooded drop gate, and it took less than five seconds for both Ella and Leon to hear a deep, rumbling growl that was sounding behind giant double doors with a single large piece of wood keeping it locked.

Ella didn’t even say anything, just looking at Leon and gesturing to the doors with one hand, the word “see!” clear in her expression.

He grumbled in a low voice, Ella barely hearing him, but she was pretty sure he said, “Yeah yeah, I know.”

Satisfied that Leon had seen her point and hopefully learned his lesson, she focused on the way out of the clearing.

They were very quiet as they made their way to the other side of the opening and past the monster that was behind the gate, not wanting to risk catching its attention and figuring out if that single piece of wood was enough to keep it at bay.

Fortunately, they made it by, though Ella had a terrible feeling they would be back and next time, they wouldn’t be so lucky. xXx After making it through a little cavern in the mountains (Ella had been surprised the Merchant wasn’t inside), they came out the other end at a cliff by another section of the village overlooking the lake, and that was when Ella noticed the people in a boat.

“Leon, look.” She got his attention, the man pulling out binoculars and getting a better view. It was hard to tell for Ella, but it looked like they had dumped something, before driving off, leaving it floating in the lake Ella couldn’t even finish questioning what it could be as a giant creature suddenly emerged from the water, swallowing whatever they had dumped and making Ella gasp in surprise.

She hadn’t needed binoculars to see that.

“What the hell was that?” She murmured. She remembered the mention of the monster, but she had never imagined something like that.

“Trouble.” Leon breathed as he put his binoculars away, once again shocking Ella with how casual he was about seeing something so terrifying.

Whatever it was he had gone through before; she could only imagine it was absolutely horrifying to make him desensitized to what they had just seen.

She couldn’t imagine what it had been.

Deciding to not comment on yet another instance of his cool and casual reactions, she followed him down to the docks. The fact that he wasn’t the least bit worried about the monster was baffling to say the least.

She didn’t know how he did it because she didn’t even want to step foot onto the dock, let alone get into the small boat that was tied to the wood.

She would be lying if she said she wasn’t relieved when Leon learned the boat was out of gas, but that did mean they would need to explore more to find it. xXx It took taking care of yet another section of the village, but they finally found fuel, much to Ella’s disappointment.

Really, she knew that if they wanted to get the key, they had no choice but to go on the water, but she had been hoping to somehow find another way. They had no such luck.

To even get through the village to the fuel, they had to travel in water, unfortunately, which meant traveling in it once more to get back.

“Remind me to have us dry our boots when we have a second.” She sighed, her survivalist teachings coming into play once more as she thought about the dangers of wearing wet boots for too long.

“We don’t have time for that.” Leon argued, and Ella glared lightly at him.

“Yeah, you know what else we don’t have time for? Trench foot.” She pointed out. “Trench foot Leon! Do you know what that is?” She had a feeling he did because he didn’t argue further. Heading back to the dock, Leon filled the motor with fuel, before turning to her.

“Stay here.” He told her, turning back to get in, and as much as Ella didn’t want to argue, she didn’t want him to go out on his own either.

“Wait, hold on-” She had started, but Leon cut her off.

“We both know that thing is going to attack. It will be harder to deal with it if you’re in the boat too. Let me take care of it on my own, and then I’ll come back.” His tone was firm, showing he didn’t want to argue this, and Ella didn’t really want to argue it either, even if she felt bad letting him fight it on his own.

“How are you even going to kill it?” She asked him, not understanding what plan he had.

“There are harpoons in the boat. I’m going to let it come to me.” Ella couldn’t help but think that sounded like a terrible plan, as so many things could go wrong.

That clearly showed on her face because he sighed. “You got a better idea?” He asked her, and unfortunately, she did not. She had half a mind to suggest not going in the water, but she knew that they didn’t have a choice on that front.

“Okay fine, whatever.” She relented with a sigh. “You know, sometimes I don’t know whether you’re brave, or just stupid, but I guess those things don’t have to be mutually exclusive.” She lightly jabbed at him.

“Ha ha, now get back. This dock doesn’t look very stable.” He didn’t have to tell her twice. However, as she stepped off the dock, she remembered something.

“Wait, hold on!” She called, stopping Leon just as he was about to start the motor. Going into a little shack not too far off, she grabbed more harpoons she had remembered seeing when they had first come to the area, before bringing them over to him. “There. I don’t know if that’s enough, but it’s better than what you had originally.” At least she could help somewhat, and Leon gave her an appreciative nod.

Officially getting off the dock, Ella watched as he started the boat, before driving off into the middle of the lake. She had a feeling that this wasn’t going to end well. xXx

It had taken less than a minute for the thing to come for Leon, and Ella watched in horror and panic as the line of the boat caught on the monster, dragging it along with it as it swam and making Ella’s heart race with worry. Leon had to be sparing with the harpoons, only having so many, and he also had to watch out for things in the water that could damage the boat if he hit them.

Ella was truly and utterly useless to help, as it was too far out for her gun, and she had nothing else on her that could hurt that thing.

The good news was, Leon had a great arm, and great aim. When he did throw the harpoon, he almost never missed, and he always managed to get it in the head.

She had no idea how he did it, but after the tenth or so harpoon to the head, and the last one to its eye as it came straight for him in an attempt to swallow him, it died.

Relief washed over Ella as Leon and the boat seemed relatively intact, and she once again made her way to the edge of the dock as she waited for him to come back. She could honestly hug him after all of that, because for a moment there she thought he wasn’t going to pull it off. S

As Leon moved to start the motor once more, he suddenly froze, Ella’s brows furrowing in confusion. Why would he stop? Was he seeing something else in the water?

Ella hoped that wasn’t the case, as he definitely wouldn’t have enough harpoons to take down another one.

However, the next thing she knew, Leon seemed to be coughing up a lung, before disappearing out of Ella’s sight as he fell forward into the boat.

“Leon!” Panic once again seized Ella as she realized that Leon was possibly hurt and out in the middle of the damned lake, far away from her.

What could she do? There had to be something!

She could swim out there, but what if there was another one of those things? Or just another monster? Or what if the one from earlier wasn’t actually dead?

Despite her worry, Ella knew she couldn’t leave him out there, it being too dangerous.

“Oh fuck, I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.” She murmured to herself as she kicked off her boots and pulled off her socks. Next, she set her gear down on the dock, not wanting any of it to get wet, though she kept her knife.

Lastly, she pulled off her flannel, leaving her barefoot and in her shorts, tights, and black t-shirt. She was going to have to disinfect her shoulder again after this.

Not letting herself think about it any further, she dived into the murky water, shoving away her fear and swimming towards the boat. xXx Ella’s limbs were exhausted, and she was soaked to the bone as she drove the boat back to the dock. Leon was still breathing, much to her relief, but he was out cold. She had checked his arms, and sure enough, his veins were black, and more were becoming visible.

He got onto her for not being careful and look at what he was doing.

Dragging Leon out of the boat was no easy feat, but soon, she got him under the shelter of the wooden shed, laying him down on the dirt and resting his head on a couple of folded thick sacks she had found.

As much as she wanted to just fall back on her ass and rest her sore muscles, she had to start a fire, disinfect her shoulder, put their boots by the fire to dry, and-

There was just too much to do, and she couldn’t rest yet.

xXx

Eventually, Ella was sitting by the fire, holding her knees to her chest and letting the warmth permeate the cold that had settled in her core. Her and Leon’s shoes and socks, and her flannel were as close as they possibly could be to the fire without risking them being burnt, and her now filled water bottle was coming to a boil on a makeshift stand over the top of the flame. Her gear was sitting off to the side, but within reach if she needed it.

Leon was still out cold, but he didn’t seem to be in pain, so hopefully he would be okay.

Ella had disinfected her shoulder and did her best to replace the bandage, leaving it exposed so her wet shirt didn’t soak it.

She was exhausted, her eyelids heavy, and she had to fight to stay awake. She had to take her water off the fire soon, and make sure her flannel, the shoes, and socks didn't catch. She also had to make sure no enemies arrived, though she had set a tripwire of her own that had anything she could find that would make noise if someone hit it. So, unless someone came from the lake, she would know if there was anyone coming.

But it wasn’t just that. Leon had had blood on his hand, which meant he had coughed it up, and she was almost scared he was going to suddenly die on her.

She got the water done, able to stay awake long enough to let it cool and put the iodine tablets in, but after that, she couldn’t keep her eyes open, Ella laying her head on her knees and letting the warmth of the fire lull her to sleep. xXx She was startled awake when Leon suddenly gasped, sitting up and checking his arms as if there had been something wrong with them.

Ella was up in a second, moving over to him.

“Hey, you’re okay! You’re fine!” She assured him, not touching him as to not risk startling him further. He looked at her, panting slightly as he slowly seemed to snap out of whatever confusion he had been in.

He didn’t say anything, just taking a moment as he looked around, noticing that his shoes and socks were missing, the little camp she had made, and their clothes by the fire.

The fire was small now after not being tended to for who knows how long, but the socks and her flannel seemed to be relatively dry. Ella only hoped their shoes were dry enough.

“Um. . .Yeah, you know, trench foot.” Was all Ella could find in herself to say to explain herself. She had warned him she was the survivalist nut of their friends.Leon didn’t say anything about it, just nodding as he looked down at himself.

“How long was I out?” He asked her, his voice a little scratchy.

“Um. . .to be honest with you, I fell asleep. Swimming to and climbing in the boat and dragging your heavy ass out of it and into shelter wasn’t easy. But I know it had been at least an hour and half before I fell asleep. Maybe a little more.” She answered, the soreness of her muscles all to happily reminding her of what she had done.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He murmured, and Ella couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed at his words.

“Well sorry, but I had no idea if you were dying or hurt or what. You go off and fight some big ass water monster with a few harpoons, without thinking twice, leaving me on the dock to just worry about you the entire time, useless to help, and then you pass out all the way in the middle of the lake! For all I know, the boat was damaged and filling with water, and you could have drowned! So, excuse me if I give a shit about you and-” He stood up, putting his hands on her shoulders, having a habit of cutting off her rants that way.

“Okay, I get it. I’m sorry.” He tried to soothe her, though he had a shitty comforting voice. “Thank you.” That was a little better, and Ella found the annoyance and anxiety disappearing as she took a deep breath, the warmth she could feel from his hands doing most of the comforting if she was being honest with herself. She told herself it was because her clothes were still a little damp, making her a bit cold.

“You’re welcome.” She breathed as her hand came up, gently resting on his wrist. She didn’t even consciously do the action, but Leon didn’t seem to mind it much. “Are you okay? You coughed up blood. I think the infection is getting worse.” She voiced her concern, and he pulled his hands away, standing up straight as he looked to his arm, noticing the difference in his veins.

“Yeah, I’m fine now.” Ella didn’t know if she believed him, but she couldn’t really argue as she knew it would be pointless. “Let’s get going.” Ella deflated slightly, but she knew she should have expected this from Leon. He never just took a breath, always being on the move. Ella knew better than to protest, despite being worried about his health.

With that, they got their socks and shoes on, and Ella was relieved to feel her boots were mostly dry. Her flannel was warm as she pulled it over her shoulders, feeling nice against her muscles, and she let out a breath, gathering all her gear and putting out the fire, before following Leon to the boat.

It was obvious she was still concerned about him, as she was quiet and lost in thought as she sat in the front of the boat, staring out at nothing in particular.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Leon told her as he steered the boat towards the boathouse, Ella looking over at him. She knew he was trying to comfort her, and she appreciated that, but she couldn’t shake off her worry. She just nodded, not saying anything, despite wanting to; the question at the tip of her tongue.

‘Yeah, but are you?’ She hadn’t known him for very long, but with everything they’ve already been through together, she felt closer to him than most of her “friends” or acquaintances back home, strangely enough. That wasn’t saying much, though. The only person she was truly close to had been Alice. Even so, as much as she didn’t want to feel close to him or care too much about him whatsoever, considering the situation they were in and the fact that she had already lost so much, she couldn’t help it. She had a feeling that would come back to bite her in the ass.