#ross macdonald fan fic

[tillthelandslide]

Lou's Fic Recommendations

So, lots of people have been asking for my recommendations for fics, now, there is so so so many that I love, if you want to find more I always tag my reblogs with "tillthelandslide fic rec : ross macdonald" or ": george daniel" or " : matty healy". BUT, these are some of my all time fave fics and fave writers tbh...

Ross:

Mirror Ball by @poisonmedaddy13

Gold Rush by @hypersonic04

Three's A Party by @abiiors

Obsessed by @poisonmedaddy13

Wear My Name Around Your Neck by @procrastinatinglikeapro

History and Drama (pt.1) (pt.2) by @writingchalamet

Quarter Past Midnight by @alovesreading

Begging For Trouble by @procrastinatinglikeapro

Happiness by @toomuchracket

Matty:

Pray For My Soul by @lottiecrabie

Politics of Polite Interpersonal Conduct by @solipsisticno1

Can't Catch a Break by @procrastinatinglikeapro

After (after party) by @theseventyfive

atpoaim by @lastnightwaskindofablur

please, take my hand by @ughgoaway

All I Need by @justanamesstuff

The intimacy of being understood by @justanamesstuff

Rockstar girlfriend by @lottiecrabie

Soft Sound by @byyourside28

George:

Truth or Dare by @abiiors

Wear My Name Around Your Neck by @procrastinatinglikeapro

Three's A Party by @abiiors

Midnight, car lights by @abiiors

Dress (pt. 1) (pt. 2) by @kennedy-brooke

[justanamesstuff]

Unrequited love - Matty Healy x f!reader

Extra part II

A/N: This whole series is the definition of 'I wasn't planning to...but...' sooo I wasn't planning to finish it today but here we are. THANKS AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN about all the support!!

Warnings: jump scared?, swearing, FLUFF, typos.

Word count: 2.6 K

Series MASTERLIST

It wasn’t usual for the girls of the group to spend time without the boys, although from a time to the present they started to feel like it was necessary. Partly why, Charli, Y/n and Carly joined by the little James Hann were hanging around Charli and George’s home. The other reason was to spoil James without the rest of the band trying to have his attention. 

Even though James was almost 7 years now, he was the little baby for the entire group. All of them loved Hann’s kid a lot and spoiled him rotten.

“Mom, stop! I’m a big boy!” James tried to stop Carly, who was trying to give him a kiss on his cheek. 

She protested, “No, you’re still my baby.”

“I’m not!” he fought back. 

“Until you are legal to drink, get in jail or a tattoo, you’re going to be my baby boy.” Carly continued to tease him. The sight from the other side of the table was a heart-warming one for Charli and Y/n.

Charli said to him, “I promise I’ll help you with the tattoo, James.” winking her right eye.

“Really?” James asked excited about it. 

“No!”

“Yes!”

James’ mother and her friend shouted at the same time, making Y/n laughed, and a puzzled looked appeared on the kid’s face. 

“Stop confusing him.” Y/n interrupted the bickering.  “Come here, I’ll protect you!” she instructed him to come closer, opening her arms wide. 

James ran towards Y/n, who engulfed him in a big hug when he was beside her. 

“Can we draw like last time?” James waited for her answer, expectant. 

Y/n didn’t wait for a second to reply, “Of course.”

James took her hand, forcing Y/n out of her seat. Together they started to walk towards a big hall, she knew where it went. 

“Use whatever you want from the studio!” Charli shouted from behind them.

The two women fell into a nice chat, not only talking about their partners, adding an innocent pinch of gossip to keep the interesting conversation. Charli was engrossed telling her about the latest one going around their circle, when Y/n’s phone started ringing. Charli took it without taking a look at the screen.

“Y/n!” she called her.

“What?”

“Your phone is ringing!” 

“Who’s calling?” she said, appearing at the end of the long corridor.

Carly stayed silenced, when Charli screamed, staring at the phone. “What?” she exclaimed into a thick English.

“What?” Carly mirrored her. 

Charli instantly gave her the device, so she read out loud,  “Baby M? And a…rat? What the fuck?” 

Before Carly could call Y/n again, Charli gained the device back and took another look. A mischievous look appeared on her face, while her fingers went directly to the green button.

“Charli, no-“ Carly tried to stopped her but it was too late.

“Hello?” Charli asked. 

“Hi? Y/n?”

Charli instantly knew who it was and wanted to laugh, even though she contained it. She was going to have fun with it as long as she could.

“No, I'm her friend. Who’s this?” Charly continued. 

“Umm-”

“Sorry, can’t hear you.”

“Piss off Charli!” Matty finally exclaimed. 

Charli let out the biggest chuckled, “Oh my god!” she managed to say next. 

“What?” Carly asked beside her. 

“Is Matty!”

Matty groaned from the other side, “Get Y/n on the phone!”

“Let me see.” Carly placed Y/n’s phone on her ear.  “Hi?”

“Hi Carly, can you put Y/n on the phone?” Matty was more polite now that it was sweet Hann’s sweet wife.

“It’s him!” Carly opened her eyes wide, staring at Charli.

“I told you!”

“What’s going on here?” Y/n interrupted their moment, appearing in the kitchen area. 

“Y/n’s here. Hold in line!” Charli said to Matty in a teasing voice. “I’ll communicate her with you, baby M, in a second. Thank you for your patience!”

“Fucking finally.” Matty replied at the other end of the line.

Y/n figured out what was happening with them and her phone right away. She took it in her hand quickly, moving a few steps away from the girls.

“Fuck.” she muttered. “Hi?” 

“Hello, baby.” Matty breathed out.

“Are you okay? It’s urgent? Because I have the Scotland Yard officers staring at me waiting to interrogate the hell out of myself.” Y/n said, feeling two pairs of eyes in the back of her head.

“I was trying to ask what you wanted to order for tonight.” Matty let her know it wasn’t that serious. “Go and tell them.” He told her laughing. 

“I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, baby.”

“Bye”

Y/n turned around, staring at them in silence. 

“You have a lot to explain!” Charli broke the silence. 

“Right.” Y/n said, defeated, coming to sit at the table.

“Y/n?” James’ voice came from the studio, calling for her.

“Coming James.” She shouted, smiling wide at the girls. “he’s-“ she pointed towards where the studio was. 

“No, you stay here!” Carly stood up. 

“I won’t break your son's heart, Carls!” Y/n explained, walking away.

“You can, I allow you!”

Y/n shrugged her shoulders, “I guess I’ll tell you guys later.”

“Are you two a thing?” Charli interrupted.

“Maybe.”

“Oh my god!”

James shouted once more, “Y/n!”

“Be right there, James!”

“I knew it!” Carly said.

“What?” Charli and Y/n stared at her friend, rejoicing herself about the new information. 

Carly glanced between them,“Oh come on!” She turned her body to look directly at Charli “We all knew they were going to end together sooner or later. Remember we used to bet-“

“That’s a lot of information, Carly” Charli protested between her teeth.

“You what?” Y/n inquired them, surprised.

They talked at the same time, “Nothing.” 

“I can’t believe you!” She turned around. 

Carly stopped her, “What? It was a matter of time and a bit of fun for us!” she tried to defend the group. “I can’t believe you’re part of the girlfriends' club now.” she tried.

“I wasn’t invited before?”

“Y/n!” James was getting impatient, his drawing partner was absent for so long. That’s why he meet her at the middle of the hall where she was standing talking with the girls.

“I’m sorry I was-“ she was going to excuse herself, when the boy interrupted her. 

“In the time you were gone, I draw this.” he gave her a piece of paper with a big drawing in the middle.

“Let me see.” Y/n took it. “Aww, it’s so beautiful!” she truthfully told him. James blushed.

“It’s you and me, and you’re reading that book you brought went mommy and daddy went out.” he explained, looking up at her admiring his work of art.

“James, I love it! I’ll hang it for everyone to see!” Y/n promised, going after to hug James. 

He innocently asked, “I can go to your house to see it?”

“Yes, and we can read another book!”

“Yay!”

Carly and Charli shared a knowing look. 

George’s girlfriend dare to whisper, “I think not only one boy of us is in love with her.” 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The whole group was once more reunited at Y/n house for a dinner before the boys had to return to tour and the rest have their own things to deal with. 

Y/n already served dinner, a homemade casserole, everyone enjoyed making jokes and teasing each other. 

She was leaving plates at the sink, so they could serve dessert, when a pair of hands sneaked around her waist. Y/n recognized Matty’s touch right away. 

“Hi, handsome.” she greeted him.

Matty left a kiss on Y/n’s neck, “Hi, I miss you.”

Y/n giggled, “I’m sitting just beside you.”

“I know, not close enough.” Matty pushed his chest further into her back, proving what he was saying. 

“You’re so needy.” she teased him.

“And you love it.”

“How did you know?” Y/n turned around inside his arms.

She inevitably thought about the night of her birthday when they almost kissed, and now they were there about to do it freely. Knowing very well that they loved each other more than friends.

“Because I know you like the back of my hand.” Matty’s chest full, proud to know so much about her.

Matty went to kiss Y/n, after missing her for the entire night. Y/n shut her eyes, feeling her arms and legs tingling. She didn’t know when the effect was going to stop, and she aimed for never. Every kiss was like the first for them.

“What the royal fuck?” Ross stopped at the kitchen door, gripping the bread basket between his large hands. 

Matty and Y/n broke apart, although Matty rested his left hand on the small of her back. It was the time to tell the rest of the group, he was ready to scream his love for Y/n to all the people around him. 

“Ross-” Matty started slowly.

“What’s going on here?” he looked between them.

“What happened?” Adam interrupted them, coming from behind Ross.

Ross left the basket in the middle of the aisle kitchen, screaming “Matty was sucking Y/n’s face!” 

“Why are you screaming?” George was the second to interrupt.

“Care to explain, mate?” Adam glanced directly at Matty. 

Even though he was ready, once he tried to explain, “We- we’re kinda…” he didn’t know where to start.

“We’re together, guys.” Y/n clarified for the rest of the band.

Ross folded his arms, “For real?” 

“For real.” George said instead of Y/n or Matty.

“You knew?” Ross looked at the drummer of the band, in awe. 

A smirk appeared on Hann’s face, “It was obvious.” which surprised Y/n and Matty because they thought they were very cautious about it. 

“What?” Matty stared at Hann, trying to figure out what he was saying.

“We all knew it was a matter of time…”

“Yes, but still…” Ross protested.

“Why you lots are clucking like chickens?” Charli joined the rest of the group in the kitchen area.

“Y/n and Matty are together…and George knew…” Ross was the one that informed her.

Charli turned to look directly at George, “You knew?” 

“Yes, but-” George tried to defend himself.

“You’re sleeping with the dog!” she warned him.

“Charli, you knew as well!” Y/n sided with George.

George’s face changed with this new piece of information. “Care to explain, babes?”

“I found out days ago. When you?” Charli dared him.

“Weeks?”

Charli stared at his face, and proceed to walk out of the room. 

“Babe-” George followed her.

“I knew it was going to happen, but this is surreal.” Ross expressed his thoughts out loud.

Matty strengthened his grip around Y/n’s waist. He felt so relieved to be able to show his love so openly, even when it was a small gesture. 

“How did you know, Hann?” 

“I bumped into you guys making out in the kitchen studio…didn’t notice me. I chose to keep my mouth shut and see how you guys acted out. It was funny.” Hann said, leaving the pair with their mouths hanging open.

“What was funny?” Carly made her appearance in the room.

“Matty and Y/n making out in the kitchen. Do you remember?” Hann reminded Carly about it.

“Oh, yes!”

“Carly, you knew?” it was Y/n’s time to be stunned.

James’ mother shrugged under Y/n’s scrutiny, “Hann told me?”

“What about not telling everyone?” Ross interrogated Adam.

“She’s my wife!” the guitarist tried to defend himself.

“True.”

“Come here, Ross.” Y/n said after taking a look at his still stressed face. She walked far from Matty, rounding Ross’ big form, “You’re still my favourite” she mumbled into his chest.

“Excuse me?” Matty wasn’t happy with Y/n’s affirmation. 

“Where is the dessert?” James barged into the kitchen. “What’s going on?” he took a look around all the grown-ups. 

“Uncle Matty and aunty Y/n are boyfriend and girlfriend.” Carly explained him.

Y/n returned to Matty’s side, waiting for James’ reaction. 

“Oh.” he said lower, staring at the couple.  “I’ll wait for the dessert at the table then…” he excused himself, exiting the room. 

Hann glanced at Carly,  “What was that?”

“He’s a little crush over someone…” she moved her head pointing to Y/n.

“For fuck’s sake!” Matty groaned loud. “I’m not sharing, Y/n.” he warned her.

“Don’t be mean.” Y/n hit him playfully, “I’ll talk with him.”

************************************************

James was seated on the chair he occupied the entire night, staring at George and Charli chat at the other side of the glass. The couple was sharing a cigarette and chatting playfully, leaving behind any resentment of the secrets in the group.

“Hey.” Y/n took a seat beside Hann’s son.

He turned his head around to look at her, “Hi.”

“Dessert is coming. A little late, but it's coming.”

“Cool.”

“Are you okay, James?” Y/n inquired. 

“Yes.”

“Are you mad with me?”

“No.”

Y/n chose to not say more. She wanted to give him the time to express his worries –if he had them– peacefully. 

“Since Matty is your boyfriend now…” James started slowly, shy. “Are you going to stop reading and drawing with me?” he twisted his fingers, not looking up at Y/n’s face.

“No! Never!” she gained his attention again. “I won’t stop being your friend, James!”  Y/n reassured him. “Do you want to stop being my friend?” 

“Never!” James smiled wide. 

“I’m so relieved!” Y/n told him. “Come here.” 

Y/n was side hugging James when the rest of the grown-ups returned to the table. 

Matty took a seat at the other side of James. “Here’s your piece of cake, Jimbo.” the frontman left a slide of chocolate cake in front of him. 

“Thank you!” James tanked him before stuffing his face with it.

Matty couldn’t help to look at Y/n. She smiled at him, making his heart skip a bit.

*******************************************

It was hours past James’ bed time, when they group moved to Y/n’s living room. James was deeply asleep on Carly’s lap, she was chatting with Ross and Charli meanwhile Hann and George went outside. 

Matty and Y/n were cuddling on another couch, in front of them. He had his arm around Y/n’s shoulders, keeping her close. 

“You’re really sweet with James.” Matty said, kissing her hair line. 

Y/n looked at James’ looking like an angel while sleeping, “I love that kid.”

“Me too.” Matty agreed. “I hope this doesn't sound bad, but I think you’ll be such a good mother one day.” he stated.

Y/n turned her head to look at Matty’s face, “Why?”

“You’re super tender and caring, baby.” Matty ran his hand between Y/n strands of hair. 

“Are you getting all soft, Matty?”

“Only for you.”

“Thank you, babes.”

“What about me? Do you think I can be a good father?” Y/n noticed the note of worry between his words. 

Y/n sit up properly, caressing his right cheek with her hand, “I do, Matty. I think you’re going to love the soil your kids walk. Always wanting to give them all the best, be the best parental figure…I know you’ll do anything for them.” she was fully convinced of it. 

“For our children.” he cheeky said.

“Matty-”

“If you’re not the mother of my babies, I don’t want to have kids…”

Y/n rolled her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder, “That’s a lie.” her eyes heavy with sleep.

“It’s not!” Matty dissent. “I want everything with you, Y/n.” he gazed down at her face. 

Y/n settled on his shoulder, “Me too, I love you.” she said before falling asleep, leaving a speechless Matty. It was the first time she said it out loud. 

He couldn’t wait to remind her about it in the morning. Adding how much he loved her himself.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tagging: @jagz72 @deamus-liv @mrspeacem1nusone @sofaritsalrightt @soci4lc4sualty @thefemininemystiquee @hswannaknow @louweasleymalfoy @indierockgirrl

[trumanlilac]

2) You Can't Have Him

The day had come and gone, and Geneveve and I lied in bed together in the blackened night discussing the day. We'd done this since we were children, laying beside one another and looking right into one another's faces as we snickered and laughed about every detail of everything.

"I saw Matty helping you today," Genevieve whispered, her big bright brown eyes widening.

I blushed, bringing the blankets over my head shyly.

Genevieve laughed and got under the blankets with me, "you'll never hide from me, what the fuck was that do you think? Do you think he likes you? Or do you think the sight of cake on your-"

"Gen!" I cut in.

She laughed again, forcing a laugh out of me too. She reached over and pushed the curls that draped my face away, tucking each lock behind my ear one by one. Our laughter settled, there was a calm in the air that felt... safe.

"I think a little bit of both," I whispered.

Genevieve smiled, leaning in and pressing a gentle smooch to my lips. I smiled against the softness of her lips before pulling back. We both threw the blankets from over our heads at once. There was a silence between us, and it was nerve racked.

"What was that?" I asked after a moment.

"I just know that if Matty likes you, you obvously like him, and I wanted to be your first kiss. Not him. Because I really love you, and will forever." Genevieve said, attempting to hold a straight face.

"...you bitch." I shook my head, reaching out to hit her playfully.

She dodged my hand, laughing and sticking her tongue out at me.

"You took Matty's kiss, what if he would have been my first..." I sighed, day dreaming this fantasy.

Genevieve's smile faded slowly, lying back on her side. Maybe she was tired of hearing about him... Before I could ask there was a knock on the door, we both looked at each other.

"What if it's Matty?" Genevieve whispered.

"Why would it be? It's probably Alex, hopefully his girlfriend needs a Pamprin." I laughed, so did Genevieve.

I swung the door open, seeing none other than Matty standing on the other side in a pair of red plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt. His hair hung so far over his face I could barely see it.

"Hey d'you have a pillow?" He asked.

My heart pounded as I nodded quickly, "yeah I have a pillow." I went and grabbed one off the bed and handed it to him, "you're going to bed?" 

He shrugged, "I'm gonna go for a walk so I can smoke and then go to bed, Alex is already in his room... loverboy."

We both laughed a little, "well, you can smoke on the deck, my mom won't smell it her bedroom is way on the other side of the house." 

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Yeah... can I come with you?" I asked.

"Sure." He nodded.

"I'm gonna grab a sweater, I'll meet you there." 

"Alright," his eyes focused on my nose the entire time he spoke to me, I couldn't help but wonder why he acted so strange after today.

"Gen, I'm gonna-"

"Go to the deck with Matty, yeah I heard." She snapped.

My jaw dropped slightly, I looked at her in confusion.

"You can come if you want, I just thought that after what we talked about you'd be cool with me going to figure out which one it was... like you know... if he likes me or not." I explained, fiddling with my thumbs.

"It's fine, just go." Genevieve forced a very painful looking smile.

I was so tired of her acting like such a baby all the time. I rolled my eyes and walked out of the room, realizing I had forgotten my sweater. I couldn't go back and look stupid, I continued on my way down the darkened hall. As I tuned th corner I could see Matty sitting on the deck and smoking. As I opened the french doors I could smell it wasn't a cigarette.

"Hey," I spoke quietly as the rest of the house was just as.

Matty turned around, smoke escaping his lips, "hey," he said.

I sat down next to him, the skunky smoke filling up the air and going up my nose. He passed it over to me, I hesitated. I had never smoked before, but clearly I had to, if I asked to come. I held the joint to my lips, looking over at Matty through the corner of my eyes. He wasn't paying any mind to me, I then knew there was nothing to worry about... but why was he not paying any mind to me? Was this the mysterious persona he wanted to portray to keep me wanting more? Because I did... or was he really just unreadable?

I noticed the flame at the tip of the joint dimming as I sat wrapped in thought. I quickly held it to my lips and took a puff, choking immediately. Matty turned to me quickly, taking the joint from my hands as he noticed me struggle. 

"Are you alright?" He asked.

I patted my chest, nodding quickly, "I'm fine, I'm fine. I just ... I don't actually smoke." I confessed.

"What? Then what are you doing?!" He asked.

I shrugged, embarrassed, "let me try again."

Matty held the joint to my lips, "just inhale very softly, hold it in a moment, then exhale." He instructed.

I took the joint betwwen my lips and did exactly as he said, the doors behind us swung open, and there ws Alex, alone with a joint in hand, too.

I jumped a little at the sight of him, not knowing how he'd react.

"What the hell?" He looked from me to Matty, then Matty to me.

I stood up quickly, nearly stumbling from feeling the high more intensely than when I was seated.

"Elvira are you high?" He asked.

Matty sat back, ashing the joint.

I laughed a little, "yes just like the two of you always are."

"It's late. Matty d'you get my little sister high? What the fuck are you even doing out here alone with my little sister? I bring you to my family and-"

"Nothing happened, she's a big girl, mate. She wanted a smoke, I shared, she's high, and everybody's going to go to bed highly ever after tonight." Matty stood up.

Alex walked up to Matty, staring him in the eye. Matty stared back, "you need to relax."

"No you need to relax this is my little sister, she's too beautiful to be smoking pot and hanging around ... just... just get out." Alex said.

"Hanging around me?" Matty asked.

"That's not what I said, you just need to leave."

"Alex, it's three in the morning where is he going to--"

"I'll get a room." Matty pushed past Alex, going back into the house.

Alex glared at me, I looked back, my heart aching for what I had just caused.

"Stay away from him, Elvira." He demanded.

"Alex can you just go away?! You're not my dad, okay?! You're not anyone! you're my drug addicted brother who just judged another man as if he had any room to at all." I pushed past him also, hurrying into the house and looking for Matty.

[abiiors]

silent treatment 💫 // ross macdonald x reader

a/n: this is not a christmas fic, this is just something that i had in my drafts for like a month now because @the1975attheirverybest sent me a photo of ross' tour bus (the one in the banner) from when she went to the baltimore show and of course i had nasty ideas about it lmao. so yes, here we go--the tour bus fucking fic hehe. i'm still really struggling with writer's block and hate everything i have been writing so this might be a bit shit :/ cw: brat-taming kinda, smut obv, dirty talk??? general nasty behaviour wc: 2.2k

american fans are loud. 

well, all fans are loud; it’s not really a bad thing to be, but the american ones are especially loud, you’ve noticed. cheers and shouts and whoops of joy at the airport, and a collective roar that tears through the crowd every time the boys come on stage—it’s all part of the world. his world. your world. 

girls shriek and cry wherever he goes, hugging him—their bodies pressed against his, their hands holding his, boldly flirting with him too sometimes. sure, he ignores it and only smiles politely. sure, he only signs their stuff and indulges them for selfies but the burn in your chest remains just the same. dull but prominent. 

all in all, he likes america and america likes him. you? maybe not so much. 

still, it’s not all hate. it’s fun being on the tour bus and driving through the big wide expanses of the midwest, certainly fun when his hand is buried between your legs and the other muffling your moans. fun to watch your nails digging into his thigh as you chase the high over and over again before falling limp against his chest. 

today, however, you skew more towards annoyance. 

he’s been so busy, he hasn’t even had the time to look at you properly much less talk to you for longer than ten minutes—what with having to leave one city and go to the other immediately. it’s been hectic and he’s seized the chance to nap whenever he can, just like polly and john who share the bus with you. not that you blame him for it—the exact opposite of it, in fact—you’re grateful for any rest he can get. 

but the brattiness rears its ugly head sometimes. and now as you stand there in a corner, watching the instruments being taken out of their truck and brought backstage, you can’t help but bite angrily on the lollipop in your mouth. 

ross is on the phone across the room, talking to a friend or a colleague or maybe even family. you don’t know. what you do know is his eyes are trained on you and you alone—rather, on your lips closed around the lollipop, on the sticky residue on your lips. your eyes in turn move to his hand—the one gripping the phone in a vice-like grip, knuckles almost white. 

it only takes him another ten seconds to end the call and cross the room. and now here he is—towering over you, looking down at you. 

“what’s up with you?”

you shrug, tongue flat against the sweet candy, “nothing.”

“nothing?” his voice is low. mostly to conceal it from the people all around you but also full of warning. so you’ve irked him then… good.

you choose not to answer, giving the lollipop a small lick instead. there’s barely any left now but you plan to enjoy every last bit of it. 

“what, don’t wanna talk to me now?”

“me?” you ask, exaggerating the confusion in your voice. testing the boundaries. 

“yes, you,” his eyes flash a little, “don’t act like you don’t know what i’m talking about.”

it’s a dangerous game to play with him, especially the way his pupils dialate every time you swirl your tongue around the last bit of the candy, relishing it thoroughly and letting its sweetness linger on your lips. 

ross leans down, mouth directly next to your ear. “you can be a brat all you want, sweet girl. as long as you’re ready for the consequences.”

and before you’ve had the chance to reply, he bends down and closes his mouth around the rest of the lollipop. a loud crunch cuts through the silence. he straightens, smiles like nothing’s out of the ordinary and leaves you holding the now empty white stick.

ross is busy talking to the organisers of a local artists’ collective. 

he laughs and chats animatedly and listens to them talking about how much they value this opportunity that the band has created. their voices are loud and boisterous—happy, giddy, excited. a complete contrast to you sulking in the corner, scrolling through tiktok and watching one pointless video after another. 

his eyes flick to you once in while, linger on you when matty takes over the conversation. you see the warning in them so clearly. don’t be a baby. don’t pout. but you ignore and double down. if he doesn’t want to give you attention then you’re not going to beg for it. no matter how much you want to pull him into some broom closet and show him exactly what he’s missing. 

you cross and uncross your legs and send him a look. 

look what you to do me. 

he sends one back. 

busy. not now.

so you go back to your phone. scroll, a makeup tutorial, scroll, ten must buy amazon things, scroll, movies to watch this winter, scroll— a snap of his fingers breaks through your monotony. 

“come share a fag with me.”

you take your sweet time looking and him an deciding if you’re in the mood to smoke, even go so far as to make him ask again. 

“well?”

“sure.”

it’s quieter once you’re outside. there’s still the sounds of traffic and a bit of laughter floating out from the inside. somewhere someone’s playing a familiar tune and you watch ross light his cigarette. the fire casts a warm glow on his jaw briefly, on his stubble that’s coming in once again after shaving it off for halloween. 

the skin on the inside of your thighs stings from the memory. 

“open,” he says and you obey, letting him stick the end of the cigarette between your lips and taking a drag. the smoke burns but with some satisfaction you see the lipstick smudge you left behind. 

ross is just taking his own drag when you blow the smoke on his face and shrug when quirks an eyebrow. 

“generous of you to take five minutes out of your busy schedule.”

“careful, love,” he warns and lets you take another drag of the cigarette. “don’t be a brat. you know i’m busy.”

“you’re always busy.”

“is that so?” 

he looks amused and it riles you up even more. he’s the one that’s supposed to be affected, not you! a beat of silence passes and ross slowly drags his fingers up your arms leaving goosebumps in their wake. 

“my gorgeous girl,” he says and presses a kiss to your shoulder, moving his mouth to your jaw and then to your collarbone. “are you mad at me?”

“no.”

“no?”

you fight to contain the shiver that passes through you. even when you can feel the little tingles intensifying throughout your body. need swirls through your stomach the more his mouth moves on your neck.

“then what’s this silent treatment for, huh?”

“what silent treatment?”

“oh, baby,” ross tuts and his stubble grazes over the sensitive skin of your neck. “you really wanna play dumb?”

every retort flies out of your brain when he grabs a hold of your hips and pulls you close to him. 

“you know what happens to dumb little bunnies, right?”

“y-yes.” it’s almost a whimper that quickly turns into a half moan when his hand rests on the back of your thighs, trailing up and up and up until it’s almost on the curve of your ass. 

you yelp when he pinches the skin. 

“you want to be fucked that bad, huh?”

and now you finally have him where you want. 

“so now you want to be loud,” ross mocks and dives back under your dress. 

this torture has lasted for a good ten minutes now. the insides of your thighs already feel raw and chafed. and he hasn’t even properly started yet. he’s still busy marking up the smooth skin of your legs. 

“always a good girl when you want something from me, aren’t you?”

you nod fervently, trying to stifle the mewl that’s about to leave your mouth. instead you clutch his head and try to push him where you want. ross is quicker. before you ever know it, his hand it wrapped around your wrists and he pulls back again, looking at you with yet another warning glare. 

his hair is a mess, his mouth wet from leaving all those kiss and bites on your skin but it’s his eyes that really get you—pupils blown out so wide that his eyes might as well be black. 

“please ross, please,” you whine, shamless and desperate and dying for his mouth to be back on you. 

“please what?”

“please make me cum.”

your pout has stopped affecting him a long time ago, even when you look at him with teary eyes and spread your legs wider. the underwear was discarded somewhere the minute you got inside the tour bus and now he has the perfect view of how wet you are. how ready for him. 

the inside of the bus feels uncomfortably hot or maybe it’s just your skin that’s sticky and sweaty and in desperate need of his touch. 

“no silent treatment anymore?”

“no,” you shake your head, “gonna be a good girl now. please please please.”

“yes, you are.” ross smiles and it feels more sinister than genuine. “i’ll stop what i’m doing if i hear another sound from you, baby.”

“w-what?”

“dumb little slut,” he mocks again, mouth so so close to your clit that it’s impossible to focus on anything else. “don’t want people to walk in on us, do you?”

“no. no!”

“then be quiet for me.”

easy for him to say. because his lips attach around your clit at that exact moment and you bite down on the back of your hand to stop the loud moan from escaping. 

“ungrateful, spoiled little brat,” ross tuts, presses his tongue flat against your opening. “look at you now.”

the heady mix of big and small licks makes your head spin, makes you want to cry out his name over and over again but for the sake of your sanity you stay quiet. for each small whimper that still manages to escape you, you feel a small sting on your thigh—a nip or a bite.

“my sweet, filthy girl,” he coos, ghosting his lips over each bruise, each bite and goes back to torturing your cunt. 

“ross, can i–oh! can i cum, please!”

“gonna cum for me, already?” he teases and pulls away entirely. “and what if i said no.”

the look you give him is one full of desperation—tears gathered on your lower lashline, bottom lip swollen and red from bitting hard to keep quiet.

“please!”

“no.”

and that’s that, just like that his head is back between your legs, tongue hot on your cunt as his nose pushed into your clit. between trying to stay quiet and trying not to cum you barely have any grip on reality. all you know is how it feels too much, too much pleasure, bordering on pain now. the urge to let go is too strong. 

“let me ask you again, baby,” his voice comes through the haze in your mind. barely even audible. “are you done with the silent treatment?”

“y-yes, m’sorry!” you whine, “won’t do it again. wont—”

“look at you…” his condescending tone somehow turns you on even more. the humiliation somehow adds to the pleasure. “ready to be my good girl again?”

“yes, yes!” the buzzing in your ears is so loud now, his voice barely even comes through. all you know is the feeling of his tongue inside you and the stinging of your thighs. the sticky sweat on your skin. 

your legs shake from the strain of denying yourself an orgasm, your head swims with too much of everything and nothing all at once. 

“go on then,” he speaks. finally. “you can let go now.”

all you manage is a long whine and every single restraint drops. you think you grip his head between your thighs, practically convulsing from the force of the orgasm that hits you, trembling from the way his tongue laps everything up. it’s beyond you how he manages to hold you upright. 

you think you scream out his name, practically alerting everyone in a five kilometre radius. you think you pull on his hair and hear him hiss. but ross lets you. 

minutes later when he finally stands, his beard and mouth glistens with slick. 

“there’s my good girl,” he coos and holds you in his arms. 

“look at me,” he coaxes a bit until you manage to open your eyes and look at him properly. despite how fucked he looks, there’s a sweet smile on his face. and his eyes soften when you meet his gaze. “sorry i ignored you before, love. don’t be mad at me.”

“m’not mad at you.” you mumble and every single negative emotion from before melts away within seconds. 

“good.” his smile widens, just a touch of mischievous once again. “now that you’ve learned your lesson… let me make it up to you.” 

and just like that, he’s back on his knees, diving between your legs once again. 

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[ijustwanttobegolden]

Just something in my notes…

(Picture from Pinterest)

I don’t do parties

November time, London, Saturday night. You could only imagine how cold it was and it was like a tradition for us British girls refusing to wear coats on a night out even if there was a predicted storm. Never forget the number one golden rule though, if you get drunk enough, you won’t feel it. Still we huddle up like penguins shivering to death while waiting in line for the next club.

I’m linked arms with my best friend Tahliah, standing in line with loud mutters and cackles of tahliah’s boyfriend and his band mates behind us, all hyped up for a night of drinking. All of them ever work so hard so I smile to myself with content because they all deserve the brake.

“Hey one of you flash your tits so we can get in faster” Tahliahs boyfriend Matty joked.

Inappropriate I know but matty had no boundaries with us, he could joke about anything and we wouldn’t take offence. Besides, deep down matty was a true gentleman and the things he came out with wasn’t something you should take quite so seriously. It was all banter with us.

Tahliah laughed out with an eye roll, shaking her head at his stupid joke, her boyfriend so immature sometimes. George, the drummer of the band found this to be hysterical but only at how stupid matty sounded towards us girls. He defended us with his deep voice and I couldn’t help but crack a winning smile.

“Actually matty we are the ones in a band, we should be the ones to jump the queue and get us in”

“Exactly George, you are right! We should be sat in VIP right now!” Tahliah laughed out as she squeezed her arm around mine a little tighter. The cold was getting ridiculous now.

The dark street was illuminated by clubs and bars all neighboured together one after the other. It gave off a false impression of warmth, but the cold night was still wet and miserable from previous rain and each step closer to the entrance of our first bar was ever so promising. The line became more crowded with each passing minute, the boys behind just about brushing the backs of Tahliah and I but it was nice to be so close and feel just a little bit of body heat.

Quite sudden a spark from a lighter was so close to my ear that I could almost feel it and I jumped so quickly so I could spin to see where it was coming from.

“Really matty?” I breathed out locking eyes with his dark jaded-like ones. Tahliah was completely Unfazed from beside me, her eyes fixated on the entrance with longing.

Matty took a quick puff and offered the cigarette to George, I think this was the first time that George has ever refused. He shook his head “nah you’re alright mate”

Shocked yet unconcerned my eyes falter from George back to matty.

“Now’s not the time, we are almost there”

I tried not to sound like I was whining or nagging or any of the sort but I guess I failed.

“Can you stop stressing? Zella you haven’t stopped stressing from the time we left the flat up until now” matty snapped.

Was he being serious?

He took another quick puff from his cigarette and puffed it out into the air Harshly. I watched the smoke trail into the air, I didn’t notice tahliah now watching us carefully from the corner of her eye but the sound of her boyfriends raised voice must of caught her attention.

“Stressing about what?” I reply back eagerly. I was 100 percent sure with myself that I was absolutely fine and that I hadn’t complained once so far tonight but Matty started to make me doubt.

Sometimes I find it hard to keep my thoughts and the facial expressions that came with them to myself. There was once a time in the dance studio when some ‘professional’ was being a bossy b*tch to all of my dancers, let’s just say I put her in her place.. or this one night when tahliah’s ex called to get her back, well he had me to answer to and he no longer called back since…

I’m not very good at hiding feelings to say the least.

I waited for his reply and all he could do was shrug. My eyebrows raised almost dumbfounded but Matty leaned in and clenched his arms around me tightly for a hug.

“I’m only messing with you zella baby, although you were stressing a little..”

I relaxed into the hug with relief but eager to find out what he meant by ‘stressing a little’ I hope it didn’t p*ss anyone off..

“What am I going to wear! Oh no my hair isn’t going right! Oh no I can’t do up the strap on my heels! George can you help me do the strap!” Matty mocked as he attempted to do the best impersonation of me that he could.

I almost blushed, covering my hand with a giggle as he pulled away. I felt silly now.

“Poor George! the giant had to get down on ground level to help you do that strap up mind” Matty continued teasingly as if it would somewhat make me feel sorry for George, it didn’t work.

All I could do was smile back mischievously at the memory because secretly I loved having George get down on his knees for me, have him wrap his large hands around my soft delicate ankle and him fiddle with the strap of my shoe. Having him so close to my freshly moisturised tanned legs gave me a great opportunity to catch him off guard and don’t get me started on the the feeling of the warmth of his breath travelling up my bare thighs while he looked up to ask if the strap was done up too tight. In the heat of the moment all I could say was ‘the tighter the better’ wishing it was some satin rope or cuffs he was adjusting instead and that’s another example of me not being able to hide any of my thoughts or feelings.

“I didn’t mind” George smiled warmly.

“Awwww George!” Matty chanted sarcastically, teasing him.

Tahliah exchanged quick knowing glances with matty and decided to play along.

“Aw you would do anything for my bestie wouldn’t you Georgie boy” she teased while giving me a nudge and a wiggle of her eyebrows.

“George and Zella sitting in a tree!” she sang loudly drawing attention of people stood around waiting.

“Oh grow up” was all I could muster with George making eye contact with anything or anyone other then myself which led me to believe he was just as shy and nervous when teased about love and feelings as I was.

“Sitting in a studio more like” Matty laughed.

I mentally face palmed at the childish follow up from Matty although it was pretty entertaining.

“Is that all you do is tease Zella and George? If you’re not teasing me it’s them” Adam defended from the back.

My eyes widened at his sudden voice and I raised on my tippy toes to see him stood behind Matty with his girlfriend linked on his leather clad arm.

“Literally, it’s all they do” I agreed with him.

“Oh my gosh! some words from Adam! Hi Adam!” Tahliah taunted, joining me on her tippy toes and sending Adam a wave.

The poor guitarist blushed but rolled his eyes while his girlfriend kissed him sweetly on the cheek for support.

“Tahliah, don’t forget I’m the one who picked Zella up from the airport at 5am in the morning, especially so she could be reunited with you”

“Awww that’s so sweet, what a good friend” Matty chimed in.

George and I quickly exchanged glances as if to say we didn’t want to be a part of this and laughed.

“Oh yeah thank you for that” she giggled and wrapped an arm around me.

“I can easily drop her back to the airport you know” Adam threatened sarcastically.

“No. George wouldn’t like that” Matty piped in again.

And the banter train keeps rolling.

“I would.. because you are all getting on my nerves”

harsh coming from me and it was hard not to hold in a laugh but the faces of pretend disgust was extremely entertaining.

“Oh here we go, Zella stressing and complaining once again”

A good comeback from Matty.

“Shut up mate” George laughed, even though he knew Matty was only joking.

“Waiting…”

I looked over at tahliah confused, everyone did.

“Waiting…” she sighed with an amused look on her face.

“Still waiting”

“For what?” I squinted my eyes at her.

“Waiting to get in? I know tahliah, we have been waiting to get into this bar for ages now” Ross piped up from out of nowhere. He looked absolutely freezing with only a thin shirt on.

My eyes darted from Ross who was stood by the side of George then back to tahliah.

“Still waiting” she smiled to herself.

Suddenly Matty cleared his throat.

“Okay all jokes aside I still think George and Zella would make a fine ass couple.. look at them! Gorgeous! Just absolutely gorgeous! Both creative and talented, likes the same music. You know what the list just goes on! Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous just get with each other already”

“And there it is” tahliah breaks out in tears of laughter.

Everyone but tahliah and Matty rolled their eyes unamused leaving me and poor George fighting the urge to make eye contact with each other, there was something there definitely but I tried to suppress it as much as I could and it was evident that George was doing the same.

It seemed like a lifetime we were waiting out in the cold London air but as if by magic the banter bouncing around between us all like a game of ping pong seemed to pass the time just a little bit quicker.

The warmth of the place was inviting, a cold shiver ran through me one last time as I adjusted to the heat and prepared myself for the stairs. Each step down towards the basement of the bar I was careful not to fall, holding onto Ross’s shoulder for support as he took one step further down from me, laughing as he realised I was using him for support but more or less glad he could be of help.

Matty had already decided he was going to give tahliah a piggy Back ride down to the bar which was probably for the best having heels on a couple more inches higher then my own and all the more dangerous to walk down the stairs in. The further down the steps, the more you could feel and hear the blaring music and the hotter it got which made you want to stand back out into the cold. Unbelievable. The red painted walls were a deep devilish shade which darkened the place, as if the vintage lighting against the walls were any use. The further we got, the darker it became and all that was left was the bright glowing light behind the bar to guide us once we reached the bottom of the steps.

It was already crowded, the booths in each corner almost filled with groups upon groups of people, the standing tables scattered around occupied with cocktail trees or shot glasses, couples and big friendship groups gathered around them. Even the dance floor was lively and it was barely even past nine yet.

I instantly became nervous, there was so many people, it was hot and crowded and the music blaring was enough to send me into sensory overload. My heart raced as people began shouting from one side of the bar, already drunk and rowdy they were bound to be kicked out sooner or later. All it took was a small squeeze from my best friends hand and I felt like I could breath again, she knew how much I hated going out and I don’t do parties.

I still liked to drink though and like most people, once I had a drink I was fine, a bit like the ‘drink till’ you’re drunk so you don’t feel the cold rule’. I look it as the ‘drink till you’re drunk so you don’t care’ rule.

Another reason why I hated going out was the unwanted attention from men and as some random guy begins to drink me in with his greedy drunkenly gaze from across the bar I start to regret my outfit choice. Its silly really, I’m only wearing a black mini dress and my cleavage is barely out yet even just the skin of my shoulders, collarbones and thighs are enough to make me feel naked and exposed. Seriously, George can mentally strip me anytime but that guy over there? Ew. No thank you.

I slip out of the grip of tahliah’s reassuring hand to shuffle behind her slightly as if using her and Matty as some sort of shield would protect me from the random drunks gaze. This doesn’t go unnoticed by George and Ross.

Ross dips his head down slightly to shout into my ear, George watching closely but peering over now and then to where I was looking before, at the guy by the bar.

“You okay?”

His hot breath tickled my ear making me giggle.

“I’m fine, just some loser checking me out” I reassured him.

“She gets it all the time” tahliah shouted over the music, overhearing the conversation.

“It’s because she’s so beautiful” Matty lightens the mood.

“Anyway they can look but can’t touch! Don’t worry George will protect you, won’t you Georgie!” Matty continued.

I literally melt inside at how sweet my friends are for a moment, looking over at George and batting my eyelashes knowing Matty is only joking but deep down wishing he will save me if need be.

George chuckles and his eyes soften when they land on me. “Of course, after all I would do anything for her remember” he teased towards tahliah who made the quote about George earlier on.

I let out the laugh I was holding back, suddenly feeling so much better now. The atmosphere transformed into something more fun then overwhelming and I think now it was time to order the drinks in.

[imagineifmattyhealy-blog]

VII.

It felt like months had gone past, but, it had only been two weeks. Eva stayed within an induced coma, the status of her health, according to Doctor Brian Templeton, varied. There were good days and bad days, a scare here and there –twice since her surgery, Eva had flat-lined, the continuous, rushed drone of the monotonous beep embedded in Kym and Scott’s brain, threatening to take her life away from her, their daughter away from them –but it was now, ultimately, up to Eva and her body whether she would recover. Constantly on edge –waiting for it to happen again.

Everyone drifted in and out. Kym very rarely ever leaving Eva’s bed side. Scott had to go back to work after taking a week off, his hopes for Eva to wake up within that time space over-anticipated. Katie, Jasmine and Nathan, Eva’s best friend’s, bringing in photos, little bits and pieces that they felt would make Eva more comfortable –her favourite pyjamas for when she finally awoke, a Minnie Mouse and Tinkerbell stuffed teddy, an array of her favourite magazines, ‘Heat!’, ‘Take A Break’, ‘Chat’, the pages with the arrow crosswords folded down slightly so she could go straight to them when she woke up. They were forever holding out hope, Nathan being both of the other girls’ rock, joking, warning Eva that she better wake up, she still owes him dinner and drinks after he paid the last time. George was in and out too, sitting in her room, putting together some demos that he and Matty had started but never finished, playing it out loud and guessing what her opinion on them would be. The others dropped in whenever they could, and if they couldn’t, they were constantly phoning to check in, desperately hoping for some news. The other most prominent presence however, besides Kym and Scott, was Matty.

Every day he was in, making sure he was unnoticeable whenever he saw Kym coming to the reception desk or heading to the hospital cafeteria, desperate for just five or ten minutes alone with Eva but he never got it. He’d walk past the room, stop in despair of Eva’s state –a bandaged head, two black eyes, one beginning to diminish, a cast around her left wrist –he couldn’t believe his eyes the first time he saw her. Motionless, literally battered and bruised. It wasn’t the Eva he was used to. It wasn’t his Eva.

One of the nurses noticed his constant presence, watched as he came in in the morning with different literature or his laptop, one leg crossed over the other, took into account his frequent cig breaks and studied his body language at the mere sight of a woman with whom he always tried his best to avoid her spotting him. She addressed him about it, at one point the previous week, she gathered his vulnerability as he told her, as discreetly as possible, that he was waiting on a chance to see Eva, her mum didn’t want him seeing her, long story, he just wanted to sit with her for a minute or two. She promised him she’d keep an eye on Kym, let him know when the coast was clear.

Today, though, Matty had yet to arrive, it was nearing lunch time and the nurse, subconsciously now, was wondering where he could be. She was hoping that he hadn’t given up. This girl seemed important to him. She busied herself with incoming phone calls and paperwork, her eyes travelling to the entrance every now and then.

Kym appeared, then, letting out a sigh as she approached the reception desk, the nurse giving her a gentle smile, one Kym returned with her own tired one.

“You alright, Miss Brady?” The nurse asked.

“Yeah,” Kym sighed again, “just getting a bit sick of my surroundings these days. No offence.”

The nurse laughed. “None taken. It would get quite annoying if you didn’t necessarily want to be here.”

“Tell me about it, but, my daughter is apparently enjoying her stay here and having everybody cater to her.” She joked half-heartedly, she was becoming more used to the situation unfortunately, and the only thing that was keeping her from having a break down was trying to make a little light out of it.

“Well we do have that effect on our patients. We’re throwing them out by the time we’re done with them.” The nurse played along, causing a chuckle to come from Kym. It was the first time she had properly laughed, or even smiled, since the morning of the accident. She had cried more than she thought was possible.

“Well, I’m off to get some food, I’m starving and there’s only so much of your cafeteria’s excellent cuisine I can take.” The nurse had to agree, the food was horrible.

“Will you do me a favour and keep an eye on her for me,” the nurse nodded, “make sure she doesn’t do a runner.” Kym winked before walking off.

Having being a nurse for almost four years now, she had become accustomed to forming some type of relationships with patients, their families and friends, keeping herself at a distance to not prove too personal. She struggled sometimes, though, even with patients like Eva, who, she hadn’t even spoken to, but could tell she was held in high regard with the people surrounding her, and thus, wanted her to get better just as much as everyone else did. Egging her on, popping in to check on her medical reports, chatting away about how so and so had dropped in to see her, how she should get to it and wake up, feeling like she would enjoy the attention she was getting when she did.

She had just about finished what she busying herself with, ready to go and do her check-ups on a list of different patients when she felt a familiar presence vacating the waiting area. Looking up, she saw Matthew, sitting in his usual corner, dressed in an eye-catching hoodie, a pair of light washed jeans, rolled up showing off his bony ankles, black converse dawning his feet. A smile on her lips as he hunched over his book of choice the past couple of days, his hood up, probably to disguise his identity –failing of course with that signature design of his chosen top half.

“I was wondering when you’d make an appearance today.” She smirked, gathering together some files. He looked up then, the nurse’s voice not completely registering in his brain, hence his confused look.

“Oh. Yeah, I slept in. Didn’t have a brilliant sleep last night.” He mumbled.

“Well, maybe that was lucky.” He looked at her, again, confused. How could any of this be lucky? “Kym just left.” She stated in a nonchalant manner. His eyes widened, his mouth agape.

“Why? Where did she go?” He stuttered.

“She went off to get some food. Not sure how long she’ll be so you better make your visit a quick one or else we’re both in for it.” His body sprung from his seated position as his brain struggled correlate with his feet in the direction he should be heading even though he knew where he was supposed to go.

“Em, right, I’ll be ten minutes –fifteen at the most. Can you watch this for me?” He shoved his book in her hand and made a move to walk off again. “What if she comes back?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll think of something.” She reassured.

“Okay –but what do I do when I get in there? I won’t set anything off will I? Do I just sit there, talk, what?” This is what he had been waiting on for ages, he thought he had mentally prepared himself for it but it would appear that he was clueless.

“Calm down.” The nurse said, grasping his arm gently. “You do what you would normally do if you were with her.” That would be a bit hard, Matthew thought. “Just talk to her about… I don’t know things that you and her talk about. It’s not a myth when they say they can hear you even if you don’t think they can. Just talk. I’m sure she really misses the sound of your voice.”

But, as Matthew stood at the entrance of Eva’s room door, he wondered if what that nurse said was true. She didn’t know what had happened before Eva ended up here. Maybe, his voice would be the last thing she’d want to here. Maybe send her into another flat-line just to tell him ‘yeah, fuck you, dick head, this is your fault’.

He stood there for a good five to six minutes before he realised that time was of the essence. He didn’t have all the time in the world like Kym did, or Scott did, he wasn’t supposed to be here. He approached her slowly, gazing at the machines surrounding her, the tube in her mouth –it scared him. A seat was already sat at her left side, presumably it was previously occupied by Kym. Sitting down, he let out a sigh as he took her small, cold hand in both of his, caressing it gently, just being able to hold her hand, to touch her, overwhelming him.

“You always did say you wanted to break a bone, you psycho.” He joked quietly as he glanced at her broken wrist wrapped in a cast.

“They took your nails off as well. Fucking God help them when you wake up.” Her previously black stiletto acrylic nails were now her natural ones, which, she claimed she hated, they weren’t ‘pretty’. He lifted her bony, fragile hand to his lips, emotion fighting to take over as he closed his eyes, trying to hold off on the tears that threatened to break through.

“But we’ll get them done when you do wake up.” His voice was hoarse, straining, fighting the lump in his throat. He placed a chaste kiss on her fingers.

“Eva, I am so, so, fucking sorry.” He whispered. It was too much, he didn’t like this at all. He didn’t like looking at her, seemingly so lifeless, it wasn’t her. Needing to be helped to breathe, she hated being helped to do anything, so stubborn, so independent. But, some aspects of her personality showed, that he knew she wouldn’t like, only around him, it was okay, she’d say, she knew he wouldn’t tell anyone. Quiet, delicate, vulnerable. Everything she tried hard to not be, unfortunately being revealed by her just lying in a hospital bed. But it was fine, it was only her and him. She wouldn’t mind.

“I shouldn’t have said any of what I said. I didn’t mean any of it.” He sat back in the seat, his hands still grasping her left one. “But, you know what I’m like. I say shit that I don’t even mean just as long as it hurts people. Hurts you. I don’t know why, because I don’t want to hurt you, but the more I try not to, I do. I’m a fucking idiot.” He could hear her in his head telling him to stop being such a ‘soppy prick’, but he couldn’t help it, she made him like that.

“I remember the first time I saw you and told you your mum was fit.” He laughed slightly. “I could tell I made you feel fucking awkward. I remember thinking how cute you looked pissed off, that fucking face you make, and you still do it now.” He smiled.

“I don’t really care what people think of me or if they’ve took something I said the wrong way. I do with you, though. But that’s just ironic, innit? The one person who I actually do care about and know how sensitive they are –even if they are a stubborn little arsehole at the best of times –I fucking cut with my words the most. Dunno why, mate, just do.” Moving her hand to his left hand, he used his right hand to reach out and stroke her cheek, equally as cold as her hand.

“But, I’m going to stop, I promise. And, we’re going to fix this. When you wake up, I’m going to make it up to you. I do love you, E, and I know you know that. You just have to wake up, baby.”

He was silent for a while, contempt with just being able to sit with her and hold her hand. They used to do that sometimes. It was some of his best memories with her. Not even talking, not even sat on the same couch, but just enjoying each other’s presence, comfortable with themselves, with each other, at ease knowing that they were both there, and, if they wanted to say something, they’d say it.

Then there were other times when there was no silence. Laughing, talking about anything, about everything, debates on stuff as daft as what did come first, the chicken or the egg. Sometimes the debates got a bit heated, but only because they both felt strongly about their own personal opinions, Matthew believing that it was the chicken but Eva questioning him on how the chicken got there in the first place. Pointless conversations and jokes that were nothing the times that they happened, but everything that Matthew was holding on to now.

He looked at her lying there in that hospital bed, motionless, only her chest slowly moving up and down. He always found himself just looking at her. She wouldn’t even be doing anything of any importance. Just sitting there, scrolling through her phone, her fake lashes flickering every few seconds as her eyes blinked. Smoking a fag, watching as she exhaled the smoke, looking at nothing in particular, subconsciously biting her lip after every few exhales, her eyes squinting, probably Ep in thought about anything that popped into her head. Doing her makeup as she concentrated on the perfect winged-eyeliner, or checked that her cheeks were contoured symmetrically, getting irritated and letting out a ‘fuck sake’ under her breath when her eyelashes wouldn’t cooperate and stick to her lid. He’d think then in that particular moment just how different they were, but it worked.

She was your run-of-the-mill girly girl –latest trends, makeup looks, nails, hair. He was that kid that was effortlessly good looking but he didn’t care really how he looked, it just worked for him. She loved reality shows, he didn’t –although he did start to get into Geordie Shore due to her influence. As much as she loved and was obsessed with his band and their music, she was all for a good dance tune, or a track in the top 40. He liked real music, music that wasn’t the same song, same beat, just different lyrics by a different artist. She’d be one of the girls that he’d roll his eyes at if he saw her approaching and he’d be one of the guys that were the complete opposite of the guys that she usually went for –tanned, muscular, clean and neat. But for some odd reason, they were inseparable at the best of times, they clicked even when they shouldn’t, and, they loved each other –even if he was a dick and didn’t always show it or make a move to make it official.

“Please, just wake up.” He mumbled again, his act of deliberation on their relationship probing him to yearn for her more. He needed her. He doubted he could live without her.

“She will.” Kym.

---

Here you go lovelies, sorry for taking so long to update but finally have a break from college! hope this was a good read for you all and to the anon who asked for Matty to dwell on his experiences with Eva, i hope this is okay for you and if not let me know and I can maybe do like a little side-piece based on it for you :) also, thanks to everyone for the love, as usual, you always hype me up and make me smile! love you all!

[goldenavenger02]

What you should watch while staying at home part 2! AKA the Disney+ list based off the U.S selection.

Disney+

Lab Rats (TV show)

Rating: TV-Y7

Summary: A scrawny 14-year-old, having discovered his inventor stepdad has three bionic, super-powered teens living cloistered in a secret lab beneath their home, brings them out into the world.

Seasons: all four seasons and the spin-off are on Disney+, except for part 2 of Lab Rats vs. Mighty Med because that is a Mighty Med episode and Mighty Med is not on Disney+ at the time of this post.

Why you should watch it: Lab Rats was the reason I started writing fanfiction (if you're brave and like first person fics, my profile on fanfiction.net under the name Brentinator is full of cringe worthy fics) and it's probably the reason that I like action/adventure so much. It's super funny, it's very dramatic and it has good messages about family and teamwork.

Kickin' It (TV show)

Rating: TV-Y7

Summary: A once-in-a-generation young karate fighter named Jack joins the Wasabi warriors.

Seasons: 1-4 on Disney+

Why you should watch it: it's a comedy about teenagers in a karate dojo. Yeah, it's Disney so it is cringy, but it makes for some good laughs. Leo Howard is a little cutie, there's an episode with Billy Unger (Lab Rats) and Kelli Berglund (Lab Rats). There's some whump in a bit of it, and Jason Earles (Miley's brother in Hannah Montana) is the sensei. It's great.

Austin and Ally (TV show)

Rating: TV-Y7

Summary: Following the lives of Austin, an aspiring confident musician, Ally, a quiet talented songwriter and their two friends.

Seasons: 1-4 on Disney+, part two of the New Year's special is season 2, episode six of Jessie.

Why should you watch it: this was the first Disney Channel show I watched. Ross Lynch was my first celebrity crush, the first soundtrack was my first CD, and Trish gave me some representation as a plus sized woman/teen. It's pretty cringe, but the songs are all amazing and some of jokes are knee slappers.

Good Luck Charlie (TV show)

Rating: TV-Y7

Summary: The Duncan family are adjusting to the surprise birth of their fourth child, Charlie. When parents Amy and Bob return to work they put their latest addition in the care of her three older siblings.

Seasons: all seasons and the movie in between seasons 2 and 3 on Disney+, the second part of the Christmas episode in season 4 is in season 3 of Jessie.

Why should watch it: it's just a good comedy about a family with a lot of kids.

Brave (movie)

Rating: PG

Summary: Determined to make her own path in life, Princess Merida (Kelly Macdonald) defies a custom that brings chaos to her kingdom. Granted one wish, Merida must rely on her bravery and her archery skills to undo a beastly curse.

Why should you watch it: this movie holds a very special place in my heart. I watched this movie with my grandpa the Christmas before he died, and it's a memory I hold very close. It's also the best Disney princess with red hair, fight me. And my Merdia Halloween costume where I carried around my dad's bow and arrows can't be beat.

Chicken Little (movie)

Rating: G

Summary: After ruining his reputation with the town, a courageous chicken must come to the rescue of his fellow citizens when aliens start an invasion.

Why should you watch it: a lot of people say this is Disney's worst animated movie. But this is a very nostalgic movie for me, and some of the jokes can't be beat. Also, aliens.

Bad Hair Day (movie)

Rating: TV-G

Summary: A buddy comedy about a high school tech-whiz whose prom day abruptly shifts into a wild ride across town, thanks to a down-on-her-luck cop and a jewel thief.

Why should you watch it: it's Ally from Austin and Ally and the mom from Good Luck Charlie trying to protect a missing necklace, and the two of them grow a motner-daughter type relationship during it.

Descendants 2 (movie)

Rating: TV-G

Summary: Mal, Evie, Carlos and Jay try to adjust to life in Auradon, but Mal becomes overwhelmed with pressure and returns to her roots.

Why should you watch it: I love the Descendants franchise, but the second movie has the best songs, the best acting and the best villains. I'm obsessed with China Anne McClain and she's a great villain. But watch the first movie. After all, it has Dove Cameron, Booboo Stewart, Sofia Carson and the late Cameron Boyce with some of their best acting being displayed.

High School Musical 2 (movie)

Rating: TV-G

Summary: School's out for summer and the East High Wildcats are ready to make it the time of their lives after landing jobs in a wealthy country club owned by Sharpay and Ryan's family.

Why you should watch it: I'm not a huge HSM fan, but I love Sharpay and Ryan, and I love the movie that's on their turf. It also has my favorite HSM song in it, which is Bet On It. Probably watch the first movie first though.

Geek Charming (movie)

Rating: TV-G

Summary: To win a school popularity contest, a high school diva permits a film club classmate to record her popular life, but the film starts documenting her decline instead.

Why you should watch it: this is possibly my favorite DCOM, and Sarah Hyland is so good at her job, it's insane. It's overshadowed by what happened between the leads afterwards, however.

How to Build a Better Boy (movie)

Rating: TV-G

Summary: Teenage tech whizzes unwittingly use military software to program a robotic boyfriend.

Why you should watch it: probably why I like it so much is because it has China Anne McClain and Kelli Berglund, and it's a cool concept. Also has Noah Centerpiece if you like him as well.

Teen Beach Movie (movie)

Rating: not rated

Summary: Two surfing lovers, whose doomed relationship is nearing to a close, find themselves swept into a a dimension traversing wave that sends them into a beach movie musical in the 60's.

Why you should watch it: it's not a great plot, but the acting is pretty good and the songs are so amazing. Also, Ross Lynch. Not a huge fan of the sequel, but you should still check it out if you like the first one.

The Emperor's New Groove (movie)

Rating: G

Summary: Emperor Kuzco is turned into a llama by his ex-administrator Yzma, and must now regain his throne with the help of Pacha, the gentle llama herder.

Why should you watch it: this is the movie I grew up on. I knew all the quotes, I knew all the jokes, and one time I barged into my sister's youth group shouting "boom bam, baby!" It's so good and so funny.

Finding Nemo (movie)

Rating: G

Summary: After his son is captured in the Great Barrier Reef and taken to Sydney, a timid clownfish sets out on a journey to bring him home.

Why should you watch it: my other childhood movie. Also knew the quotes, and the jokes, and I spoke whale in church when I was very young. There may also be a Finding Nemo Irondad AU from me in the future.

Holes (movie)

Rating: PG

Summary: A wrongfully convicted boy is sent to a brutal desert detention camp where he joins the job of digging holes for some mysterious reason.

Why should you watch it: to this day this is the most accurate book to movie adaptation I've ever seen. Also, Madame Zeroni.

Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers (movie)

Rating: G

Summary: Mickey, Donald and Goofy are the French three Musketeers.

Why you should watch it: well, it's what the summary says. The Mickey Mouse gang as the musketeers. And it has la pit in it. "No, not la pit!"

Pocahontas (movie)

Rating: G

Summary: An English soldier and the daughter of an Algonquin chief share a romance when English colonists invade seventeenth century Virginia.

Why should you watch it: is it historically accurate, no. But does it have one of the sweetest romances in the history of Disney, I would like to think so. And Pocahontas is just one of my favorite Disney princesses, even if she's not technically a princess.

Tangled

Rating: PG

Summary: The magically long-haired Rapunzel has spent her entire life in a tower, but now that a runaway thief has stumbled upon her, she is about to discover the world for the first time, and who she really is.

Why should you watch it: a carefree princess, a attractive and hilarious thief and the cutest little chameleon ever! The animation is gorgeous, the songs are amazing and Mother Gothel is such a good villain.

Pooh's Heffalump Movie (movie)

Rating: G

Summary: A Heffalump is heard trumpeting in the hundred acre woods. Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, and Piglet are scared and rush to Rabbit's house for advice. Roo joins them and they all agree that Heffalumps are nearby after finding a huge footprint. They decide to set out on an expedition to catch the Heffalump. Roo is not allowed to come along because he is too little.

Why should you watch it: I watched a lot of Winnie the Pooh movies when I was little, because Winnie the Pooh is my mom's favorite Disney franchise, but this one is my favorite. It's so soft, and it has a good lesson that even if you're different, that doesn't mean you're evil or scary.

Read it and Weep (movie)

Rating: TV-G

Summary: A shy and retiring high school student develops a peculiar alter ego that changes her life forever.

Why should you watch it: it's about a writer in high school! This is one of my favorite Disney movies ever, and I highly recommend it to everyone.

Sky High (movie)

Rating: PG

Summary: Set in an era where superheroes are commonly known and accepted, young William Stronghold, the son of the Commander and Jetstream, tries to find a balance between being a normal teenager and an extraordinary being.

Why should you watch it: clearly, I like movies and shows about superheroes (I mean, I write for Marvel). This movie is about William, who hasn't gotten his powers yet, and has been lying to his parents that he has before he goes to superhero high school. The ending is weird, but I love this movie.

Tagging some people so it gets spread around: @marvelous-writer @clover-roseee @canary-warrior @blondsak @breanadaveport-mendel @seek-rest @willelbyers

[girlwsoftsound]

Unspoken Promise || Matty Healy Oneshot

Word Count: 2,520 Summary: “Matty and the reader have known each other since high school and have been friends with benefits. They’ve never been in a real relationship with each other and they aren't good for each other (so like drugs and alcohol). Then later the reader becomes pregnant (not Matty’s tho) and all the boys are basically fathers to this kid and one day her child goes missing?? Author’s Note: Have you ever written something that you love so much that afterwards you just sit there and think about it for a while because you love it so much? That’s me with this fic. I hope you feel the same. Be sure to throw in a like or comment if you liked it! I love seeing feedback from you all. Please feel free to read my other work here! Enjoy!

You met him when you were fifteen.

A scrawny lad with too much hair and too much time, he should not have been as attractive as he was to you. He was loud, his friends were loud, he had a carefree attitude at times when it was the opposite of what was needed, he favored music more than his grades - he should’ve been appalling. However, something about the boy with blackish-brown hair drew you to him. Something made you want to ditch class, find him in the nearest hall and push him up against the lockers just to taste the sweet and harsh taste of his lips. When he took up smoking the year after, you wanted nothing more than to catch him on ‘smoke breaks’ of his and do the same. Two months into his habit, he obliged.

It never grew more than simple fooling around. Sure, Matty loved the feel of your skin against his and, over time, grew to love the way you gave head and made him laugh. Sure, you thought Matty was the closest thing to God that you would experience on Earth and wanted to never forget the way his hands traced up and down your body. But you never pushed it past that. Matty never asked you to go steady, and you never hinted to him for him to do so. Perhaps it was the drugs he fell into, or the fact that his alcohol consumption seemed to rub off on you to the point where it became trouble. You both agreed that you would be bad for each other as anything more than friends with benefits. And that’s where things stood, all the way until the end of school.

There was something sad about saying goodbye to Matty on the last day of school. You, smart as ever, were off to an amazing university with the world practically waiting for the moment it could whisk you away to a wonderful job and a beneficial life. Matty, on the other hand, was ready to get out of school and go with his friends, his band, on a quest to get signed and become famous. Your paths were going in two very opposite, very uncertain directions. You doubted you would ever see each other again. After one last secret moment together, Matty told you he would always love and be there for you. It was not meant to be romantic love, but rather a friendly love you could trust, one that you had a feeling in the pit of your stomach would last forever and never waver through the years. Teary eyed, you told him the same back. He smiled.

Contact fizzled out in the years to come. You went through Uni, getting high marks and eventually finding yourself in the middle of your dream job, living life to the fullest and making a name for yourself in your field. You found a great guy by the name of Keith, and ended up moving into a shared apartment with him in the middle of the city. Meanwhile, Matty struggled with his band, pushing through small gigs and begging to find someone who would pick them up. They took silly gigs, gigs that barely made sense for them, just to keep the dream alive. You remembered passing by a really grimey pub on your way to a work assignment and seeing their name, The 1975, plastered on the bottom of a list of performers for the night. All the while, his bad habits continued. For whatever reason, he couldn’t catch a break. His band couldn’t catch a break. His dream was beginning to seem hopeless.

The universe has a funny way of tricking people, though.

The changes came suddenly. Walking in, tired from a busy day, wishing to fall on your bed and not waking until fully rested. Finding instead the shape of another next to Keith. A meltdown. Panicked calls to anyone, someone, who you knew could give you refuge. A pay cut in your job, because the sting of losing one consistency wasn’t enough. Tears, turning your eyes red. Overnight, the little piece of heaven you had created fell apart into shambles.

Overnight, Matty became a star.

A connection to a man name Jamie, getting signed to his label, getting played over radio stations. Suddenly, the small venues grew too small. Matty Healy, the crazed boy with bad habits and a lack of responsibility, no longer unknown to the world. Money came in faster than he could count it. Sure, drugs were easier to get and alcohol no longer took a dip in his paycheck, but he was becoming happier. They were less of a necessity. His dream was finally becoming a reality. His time to shine, realized.

He did not expect to hear your voice again.

Desperate, pleading through tears for a place to stay, crying over some boyfriend who had cheated and left you to dry, homeless, hurting. He never heard you that way, not even after failed exams and family quarrels hit you. He accepted you back into his life without question. You took up a guest bedroom, and he made sure to send any extra money he could to make sure that you were well taken care of. That’s what friends were for, after all. That’s what he had promised to do, implied he would always be there to do, all those years ago before Uni.

It’s what he continued to do when you found out on a cold winter night two months later that you were pregnant.

No questions were asked. He did not have to ask the baby’s father, nor did he want to given your shattered state on the bathroom floor, the test proving your circumstance thrown across it and hiding behind the pepto-bismol-pink bathroom sink. He held you close, kissing your forehead, rubbing your shoulders, promising you would be alright. It would be alright. He would ensure you would be alright.

You lost your job two weeks later.

Matty held you then again, promising the same.

He held those promises.

On tours, people would approach Matty with questions about you, the girl that seemed to follow them on the bus yet never could be found doing much other than watching the shows from the sidelines and grow bigger by the day. Most probably thought you a groupie Matty had impregnated and felt too bad to discard to the side. You let them think that. Matty would correct them when he could, but you did not bother with it much. You were just happy to have somewhere to go, some place to exist. Did you feel bad about living off the boys and not having a way to give back? Surely so. But Matty refused to let you do anything else. Love, after all, made people do crazy things.

When your water broke, the band thankfully was in the middle of a break, a day gap between performances. You did not expect your child to be born in America, yet there you were, whisked away to some American hospital with the boys at your side, encouraging you through the pain and the agony. Jamie, considering you part of the family after all these months of knowing you, pushed the tour date the next day back a day. It would make them have to rush to the next city, but it would give you a day to adjust, and the boys a day to watch over you. The fans would understand. They would have to. Matty wouldn’t have performed even if the concert didn’t move, because even though he had no blood relation to this baby and no reason to stick along with it, he was the closest thing to a father figure it would ever have. He’d be damned if he missed its birth.

Your daughter, Elise Grace, was born in the wee early hours of the day.

Matty was the second person to hold her.

You both were smitten.

When the concert finally was performed, Matty walked out and, on the first chance he had, gushed to the crowd about the newborn that had caused the delay in their festivities.

“She’s not mine,” he assured the crowd, “but she’s gorgeous.”

The cool thing about your circumstances, living life on the road with the boys, was the fact that they got to be there with you for all of Elise’s firsts. Her first laugh came courtesy of George, who had been playing with a toy dog a fan had thrown up on stage for Matty and, in the process of shaking it around, amused her enough to emit a small giggle. You were the first he ran to, Matty the second. The look of pride on the man’s face was a sight you never would forget.

Her first steps came at the arms of Matty. As soon as she could stand, he had her holding his hands to try to walk every second off he had. She took her first steps backstage in Prague. Matty nearly cried, he was so happy. He paraded her around for everyone soon after. You felt your heart soar at the sight. It was the happiest you were until Adam and Ross collectively got her to say her first word. You were chuffed to know they had taught her ‘Mama’.

The first concert she fully went to without having to be brought back to the tour bus to sleep, Matty brought her out on stage and gushed about her to the crowd. She had curls now, big ol’ brown ones that framed her face and made her green eyes stand out that much more. Fans were smitten with her by then as much as Matty had been the first day he spoke about her to them. The Tour Baby, she was called. Everyone loved her. They loved her even more when, feeling like doing something special, Matty sang Old MacDonald for her on stage. The amount of cameras recording the moment ensured that her first concert experience was a day that never would be forgotten.

It was as if life had finally decided to relax.

Of course, that wouldn’t do.

A hot summer day. Some town in the U.K. on some random tour date. You were walking the town with Matty, simply looking for something to do before the concert later that day, little two and a half year old Elise walking alongside you. There was a clothing shop, and you just had to explore it. The three of you dove inside. Matty went to the men’s section, and you brought Elise to the women’s. He dabbled a bit in the women’s clothing before the both of you met to pay at the register. The door was open to let out the heat. You thought Matty had hold of her. Matty thought you had hold of her. When all was paid, you realized neither of you had her. Upon searching with the store owner, everyone realized your fears had been brought to life.

Elise was lost.

Someone had her.

That was what your mind immediately thought of as you scanned the streets outside the place. A two year old could not be hard to miss walking alone in the streets, could it? Matty’s voice was frantic on the phone, calling for police and then afterwards for the band to come help look. Alerts were issued calling all in the area to look for your little girl, brown curls, her father’s nose, your kind heart, your smile. The show was cancelled, to possibly be rescheduled at a later date. No one knew for sure. Jamie said he would care about that once the little girl was back home safe. George stayed out all night looking for her, having to be brought back home by Jamie so that he didn’t harm himself from not eating, drinking, or sleeping. Ross and Adam went on separate road trips to find her in adjacent cities. You stayed at home with Matty, returning to his flat in Manchester and sitting, waiting, even praying for a phone call, a sighting, anything. His arms wrapped around you and let you sob for hours. He couldn’t stop replaying the last moment he saw her in his mind, the guilt eating him alive. Holding you was all he could do to make him not feel so shitty about the situation. His arms around you was all that was keeping you from doing the same.

You went twenty-four hours without a single call.

Twenty-four heartbreaking, paralyzing hours, full of pleads through social media and rewards being issued for her safe return. Anything to get her home.

Then, the phone rang.

You answered in seconds.

She’s okay.

Found somewhere just outside of the greater Manchester area, her hair wet from rain, but safe. You did not know if she had been dropped off there by an abductor, too scared to face the crime but also not wishing to keep her hostage from her family, or if she had somehow managed to walk there herself. You did not care. Neither did Matty. Neither did the band. All any of you cared about was that she was going to come home, she was safe, and the nightmare was going to have a happy ending.

The five of you, plus Jamie, showed up to the station to pick her up. Other than her hair being damp and her clothes a bit tattered, she looked fine. Holding her again brought some kind of elation you never imagined existed. George pet her head, Adam and Ross kissed her softly on top of her curls, and Jamie reached to squeeze her little hand. Matty stole her from your arms to hug her close to his chest the moment you were able to stop crying so hard. He let his own array of tears fall.

You had never seen him cry like that, but you supposed it was fitting. Even though he had no connection to this little girl, nothing binding him to her other than the fact he shagged you a few times back before Uni and fell for your smile and the feel of you against him, he had been there for her every step of the way. He had loved her like his own, cared for her like his own, adored her like his own. He was more of a father to her than you were certain her true father could have been had things not fallen sour between the two of you. He had every right to cry his eyes out over finding her, because though he had made his spoken promise to love you all those years ago, that promise had unspokenly carried over to apply to her as well.

It always would apply to her.

That night, Matty fell asleep with her at his side on the bus.

Upon drifting off to sleep, you briefly heard him promise to never let her fear again.

Upon drifting off to sleep, you knew he would do his best to keep that promise.

You slept well.

[babycharmander]

I finished reading the unofficial novelization of Grim Fandango last night. (I’d link it, but then Tumblr wouldn’t let this post show up in the tags--just google “grim fandango novel” and it’ll be the first result). It’s a full novelization of the entire game, and not the kind of novelization that just copy-pastes the dialogue and writes out word-for-word what happens.

It’s over 200 pages long, though the last 10 pages or so are two short stories (one amusing one featuring Manny and Glottis getting drunk during New Years between year 2 and 3, and one from Domino’s perspective that fills in some of the gaps at the beginning of the book). If you’re a fan of the game, it’s definitely worth checking out.

You can read my review under the cut.

Quick disclaimer: I don’t know if the author of this novel is still ‘round the intarwebz, but I understand that this novel was written nearly 10 years ago. My criticisms in this review are toward the story itself, not necessarily to the author, whose skills as a writer have doubtlessly improved since he wrote this story.

I’ve been reading fics for 20 years now, and I’ve read my fair share of (attempted) novelizations, both official and unofficial. Of what I’ve read, most novelizations have the same problem: they very stiffly try to stick to the script, resulting in very wooden writing that leaves the reader wondering why they’re reading the novelization instead of watching/playing the source material.

This novelization did not leave me with that feeling.

Not to say that the writing isn’t stiff (more on that later) but the writer adapted the game in such a way that it does not at all read as a direct copy-paste of the game’s script that was clumsily edited into novel form. Rather than trying to add each conversation and write out every puzzle, the author took the whole game as more of a rough outline for his book. Some scenes and conversations are adapted more directly than others, but for the most part, the author does a pretty good job of keeping the story flowing more naturally than a direct, word-for-word adaptation of the game would.

One of the things I liked most about this novelization is the way different parts of the story were fleshed out. We see a lot more of what Manny’s time in the Eighth Underworld was like before the events of the game, how he came to terms with his own death (which is not pretty), what Manny and Glottis’s trip to Rubacava was like, and nearly everything leading up to Year 2. An enormous chunk of the book is spent in Rubacava, as you would imagine.

The author spends a lot of time detailing the specifics of what life is like in El Marrow and Rubacava, Manny getting his casino started, his relationships with Carla and Lola, winning over other souls to the cause of the LSA, and so on. A lot of this is really fascinating to read. But some of it is... not.

Here’s a quote from the website that currently hosts the novel:

Now, a thorough revision of the novel has been completed to be hosted here. Many plot points are developed more fully and the entire text has been tweaked to become more textured, more adult. If the game was intended to reflect film noir, then the novel is meant to key off of the writings of Dashiell Hammett, Raymond Chandler and Ross Macdonald.

I have to admit, I do not know a lot about the noir genre. I had little interest in it before playing Grim Fandango (though Who Framed Roger Rabbit is one of my favorite movies, if that counts for anything?), and I’ve never read a novel written in the noir style. Perhaps the style the book was written in is closer to the noir style--I don’t know.

But I have to say, if you’ll excuse the pun, the book is dry as a bone.

I prefer character-focused stories, and while the novel does give some good insight into Manny and the other characters and their feelings at times, other times it feels like the author was more caught up in the plot, the schemes, the worldbuilding, and the politics. There were times when I really, really wished I could see more of what the characters were feeling or thinking, but the author was more concerned about showing the impact this or that event had on the Underworld as a whole--which is still interesting to see, but not what I was hoping to read. Sometimes you get a good character-driven scene (there’s some nice moments between Manny and Meche, and Lola’s death is as shocking as it should be), and that’s one of the main things that kept me reading.

The website pointed out that this version of the novel is a revision, which makes me wonder how much of the original was revised. Given how the novel seems to inconsistently go from more character-driven scenes to dry-as-a-desert exposition, my guess is that the more character-driven stuff came later, and I wish the whole novel was written that way.

I’ve mentioned I’ve read other novelizations, both official and unofficial, before, and another thing I’ve noticed with them is that you can usually tell what parts and what characters the author liked the most. The same holds true for the Grim Fandango novelization. While no major characters are really skipped over, to my memory, the novel really skips over a lot with Velasco, Lupe, the sea bees, and Pugsy and Bibi, which was a bit disappointing, since I like all of those characters. And, bizarrely enough, it spends a lot of time with the communists in Olivia’s bar. (In fact, a huge part of the Rubacava portion is dedicated to Manny and those guys talking about communism.)

While some scenes from the game were elaborated more, others were cut entirely. We don’t see Glottis getting smashed at the cat track, for example--that whole subplot is nixed. Some of the more humorous scenes are cut as well--for example, I was disappointed to find the scene where Manny walks into the fog and falls into the ocean was absent, which makes Velasco’s “are you going to make this a tradition?” line a bit nonsensical. The thing that shocked me a lot though was that, of all the dialogue that was cut or altered, Manny’s character-defining quote--”Love? Love is for the living”--is gone.

I feel this is a good time to point out that Manny in this novel is a bit different from Manny in the game. In the game, Manny goes from “I’m getting out of here even if I have to STEAL a lead and break all the rules” to “I’m not leaving this world until I can save EVERYONE.”

In the novel? He starts as the latter.

I’m not really sure what the purpose of this was. I didn’t really notice the difference in Manny’s character until he got to Rubacava and was already talking about bringing Hector to justice and saving all the lost souls. Maybe this was an attempt at making Manny more sympathetic, but it felt the opposite for me. It makes scenes that would have been more character-developing and emotional more frustrating than anything. I don’t like the “oh woe is me, I’m ruining everyone’s lives even though I didn’t actually do anything wrong” shtick, especially since the game avoided that because Manny is a jerk in the game. 

Some of the other characters got a weird treatment as well. Velasco somehow comes off as even more harsh and mean than he is in the game (or maybe that’s just me?). I think next to Manny though, Glottis is the one who got changed the most. As I mentioned before, a lot of the humorous stuff from the game was cut (probably in an attempt to make the novel more “adult”), which necessitated a change in Glottis’s character. As a result, he reads as more mature and responsible than he is in the game, which makes him feel more bland than anything. Lines kept from the game that make him seem silly tend to be reinterpreted as sarcasm. He does, however, get some character development in one scene that was drastically altered from the game, and I won’t spoil that for you. Unfortunately while there is a buildup to this part of Glottis’s character development, it’s mostly dropped a little after that scene, which makes the scene feel more like it was added for shock value.

Not all characters got this treatment, fortunately. Salvador, Eva, Meche, Carla, Olivia, and Lola were written pretty well from what I remember (I read through this slowly and I’m still feeling kinda messed up due to unrelated stuff so I can’t remember everything right now), and I don’t really remember having any objections to the way the villains were written (other than wishing I could have seen a bit more of them).

Among other criticisms, I will say that I feel the novel has a bit too much swearing. There’s language in the game, yes, and that would have been fine, but characters drop the f-bomb with more frequency than necessary in the book. While there’s some suggestive stuff here and there in the game, it’s taken a little bit further in the novel (including one weird scene where Olivia gets a bit closer to Manny than is necessary, and a few alarming comments from Domino in his bonus chapter). It’s not too much like the language is, but the added stuff does feel a little weird.

While yes, I have a lot of criticisms for the book, I didn’t feel like it was a waste of my time. It was interesting to see a different look at the story (even if I disagreed with the author’s interpretation of some scenes and characters), and some of the ways the author interpreted and expanded on the story were genuinely cool and interesting.

If you’re willing to put up with the dryness of a lot of the writing and willing to put up with a very different interpretation of Manny and Glottis, I feel it’s worth a read.

[buzzdixonwriter]

Writing Report June 11, 2017

Yet another example of how the writer’s mind -- at least this writer’s mind -- works, in which I create a story I will probably never write…

…but more on that below. I shall annotate as needed.

Thursday morning, after finally getting a good night’s sleep after being sick most of the week, I awoke with a story title in my head:  ”Drive Down The Devil’s Highway”

I actually saw the title already printed up in my dream, in the style of old time men’s adventure magazines.

[Annotation #1:  Men’s adventure magazine -- affectionately known as “sweaties” -- were a popular format / genre from the 1950s to the mid-1970s.  While their predecessors existed in the earlier pulp era, the “sweaties” were different in several key aspects.  For one, while sci-fi / fantasy / mystery pulps transmogrified into square bound digest-size publications, the “sweaties” melded with the saddle stitched racy pin-up magazines.  For another, their stories, while remaining mostly fictional, attempted to pass themselves off as factual true events.  While the stories remained somewhat plausible at the beginning of the “sweaties” era, by the mid-1960s they were thinly disguised male wish fulfillment fantasies of increasingly improbably proportions.  Nonetheless, they were a hoot to read, and even now the genre has fans such as those found at Bob Deis’ Men's Adventure Magazines & Books on Facebook.]

Back to my dream:  I awoke with the title in my head, and from the style of the title I knew the story had to be in classic men’s adventure magazine mode.

But what kind of story?

Well, obviously, something to do with highways (…duh).  I had just started re-reading Jack Kerouac’s On The Road in the original scroll draft (which, technically, is a memoir or a travelogue, and not an autobiographical novel as the first edition was), so the story would be constantly moving, traveling, going somewhere, but…why?

Because of Kerouac, my brain instantly flashed the story would need to be set in Quebec.  Somebody had to get somewhere -- why?

My brain flashed again:  Roman Holiday, a delightful classic romantic comedy starring Audrey Hepburn as a young princess who just wants to have fun, and Gregory Peck as a world weary journalist who treats her to a night on the town when she sneaks away from her embassy.

Great story…

…but “sweaties” demand gut-slammin’ jaw-poundin’ tire-screechin’ gun-blastin’ !A!C!T!T!I!O!N!, not some wimpy romance.

So…keep the basic idea, only…only the princess has just been orphaned:  The time is immediately at the end of WWII.  The royal family of some small but strategically important Eastern European nation sat out exile in a remote ethnic community of their countrymen in Quebec during the war.  They planned to return as soon as the war ended, but not everyone in the ethnic community wants the old royal family back; some are communist agents who kill her parents.

The princess escapes and is hidden.  However, spies and assassins are everywhere, and even though they’ve tried to disguise the teen as a typical bobby-soxer, her regal manner makes her stick out like a sore thumb.

[Annotation #2:  Where the hell is the RCMP in all this?  Gonna need some handwavium to keep ‘em at arm’s length, but I can come up with that later.]

So my protagonist -- a melding of Peck and Kerouac -- knocks the regal out of the princess by forcing her to clean a public toilet by herself.

The effort leaves her tired / grossed out / pissed off…

…and not at all regal looking.

Now our hero can get her on the aforementioned highway and go barreling down to Montreal where her embassy awaits to protect her.

Well, that evokes memories of Thunder Road which is great:  Plenty of car-chasing / car-crashing action to go around, plus some occasional bomb-throwing / gun-shooting / fist-fighting for variety.

Now we’ve got our title, our premise, our conflict, our main characters, our setting, and enough hi-octane high concept to keep the inventive juices flowing…

…if I choose to write it.

See, everything you just read, including the various asides, formed in my head in the space of less than two and a half minutes elapsed time from the moment I woke up.  (Oh, and I was carrying on a conversation with Soon-ok simultaneously.)

150 seconds to whip up 650 words worth of story concept -- and I wasn’t even thinking about it!

This happens all the time.  I’m minding my own business, not bothering a soul, not really thinking about anything, and BOOM! suddenly an idea has exploded in my head and is screaming “WritemewritemeWRITEME!!!  Write me write NOW!”

Ain’t gonna happen, compadre.

Least not anytime soon.

As fast as I can come up with ideas, I’m nowhere near as fast writing them down.

“Writing them down” is a misnomer.  It really means I’m researching the idea, probing for weak spots, fleshing out the characters, coming up with plot and incident and dialog to drive the story along…and that doesn’t include all the work that comes ///after/// it’s written down, either.

If I decided to write this store, I would want to keep it short (under 6,000 words).  That means if I committed to it, I could probably finish a rough draft in a week’s time.

So why don’t I?

Well, ignoring the huge backlog of other stories in various stages of completion in my mind / on my desk / in my computer, the reason is going to cause a lot of you to look at me as a snob, and if you do, so be it; you’re not the one occupying my skin, I am.

There are, in my estimation, three classes of fiction:  True Fiction, Genre Fiction, Stock Fiction.

There’s nothing wrong with any of them; as noted above even Stock Fiction can be tons o’fun to write and read

But each possesses certain strengths, counter-balanced by equal weaknesses.

We’ll start at the bottom of the barrel and work our way up:  Stock Fiction is nothing but formulaic stock characters involved in formulaic stock situations, saying and doing formulaic stock things.

And hey, there’s nothing wrong with that (lord knows I can’t get enough old B-movie westerns to satisfy me).

Sometimes all you want to do as an audience is turn off your brain and go through the pleasant (e)motions of a story. 

Even when done professionally, as likely as not it’s just a better grade of fan-fic.

You could literally get a computer to write this kind of stuff; it ain’t rocket science.

Stock Fiction takes what already exists and rearranges it slightly and peddles the product as new.

But there’s nothing there.  It’s all just empty calories like a cheap snack food:  One bite and it’s gone (but oh, how delicious while chomping).

The second form is Genre Fiction, and this is essentially Stock Fiction written well.

The same caveats and criticism apply, but there’s a little more legroom, a little more breathing space, a little more originality here (not much, not nearly enough, but some).

Genre Fiction basically takes stock characters and stock stories then amps them up with a dollop of originality.

If the pleasure of Stock Fiction is the beauty of the form, the pleasure of Genre Fiction is the deviation from the norm.

Take a Stock Fiction story, give it just enough insight and wit and originality to boost the characters from one dimension to two, and you’ve got a palatable hit on your hands.

The geniuses of this field -- and true geniuses they are, no snark here -- are many, but let’s focus on four in the tiny, tiny sub-group of really well done detective fiction:  Hammett, Chandler, and MacDonald’s Ross and John D.

Through their philosophizin’ PIs, their complex and compromised characters, their willingness to tell the truth about the world around them via their genre of choice, they create something new and fresh and wonderful…

…but not completely whole.

When they work well -- as Chandler did, as John D. did when Travis McGee was fresh and new in the world and found only in paperback originals -- they create genuine art, something any reader can consume without shame, something adding to this weary world, not merely draining more from it.

But there is a limit, stylistically if nothing else, that holds these writers and their works back.

They can ride their literary steeds as high up the hill as possible, and in the fading evening light they can catch a glimpse of the city they can never visit, the city they can imagine, the city they can yearn for, the city they can never visit.

True Fiction -- good fiction, pure fiction -- starts so much further out and beyond from Genre Fiction.

It starts with an idea that is fresh! and original! (though sometimes the idea ends up coming to it).

There are no genres in True Fiction, real fiction.  Life is not defined by terms and conditions we conjure up, it is what it is.  We may later find a conveniently labeled box to drop it in, but that’s not what it is, that’s never what it is.

A work of True Fiction comes out of nowhere, entraps us, and takes us all…Somewhere!  Anywhere! we never visited before, indeed, may never even realized existed before exquisitely brought to our attention.

It is a work of art first, a bundle of tropes second -- if at all!

Truth be told, True Fiction may not do well in initial release, but what gives it staying power is that it takes readers someplace brand new even though they’ve already seen it a million times.

”Drive Down The Devil’s Highway” is straight stock fiction, one from column A, one from column B formulaic storytelling.  I might, if really pressed, come up with enough originality to ooonch it up a notch or two in the form of a scene here, a supporting character there.

That’s not what I’m trying to do.

My goals and ambitions lay higher, and while I certainly have some genre and stock influences in me, I’d like to think I’m aiming higher, unwilling to fall back.

Because that’s what Genre and Stock Fiction would represent to me, a falling back to safer pastures.

I probably won’t write ”Drive Down The Devil’s Highway” because I can see nothing in it that promises to rise above Stock Fiction.

If I applied myself and worked hard at it, I might be able to boost it up to the level of low grade Genre Fiction.

But that’s as high as she’ll get.

I have a limited number of years allotted me on earth, and while I night fail in the attempt, I’m gonna spend ‘em trying to write True Fiction.

[Annotation #3:  Some of my more pragmatic friends will ask why I don’t write ”Drive Down The Devil’s Highway” anyway and sell it and use the money to help buy time to write True Fiction.  Because there’s no market for that kind of fiction anymore, that’s why.  Once upon a time a writer could sell two hours worth of TV scripts a year and earn enough to coast thru the next nine months writing True Fiction.  Not anymore:  The freelance market in everything has long since evaporated and the amount of time and effort taken to place a short story simply ain’t worth it other than in publicity and egoboo.  Yeah, ”Drive Down The Devil’s Highway” could probably make a good low budget indie film, but it takes forever and a day to get those kinds of films made; I lack the time and patience.  So this is as close as we’re ever probably gonna get to seeing ”Drive Down The Devil’s Highway” written down.]

[Annotation #4:  Least any of my sibling scribes think I’m trash talkin’ them for what they choose to write…no.  This is about me, my POV, my values, my motives, my soul.  If you’re writing a continuing character who makes you money and your readers happy, you go for it.  Nothing shameful about that at all.  If I’ll watch crappy 1950s sci-fi movies, I’ve got no business telling you what you can or can’t write, should or shouldn’t feel good about.  Fly your freak flag high.]

[tillthelandslide]

Same For You: (3) The Deal

A/n: here's part 3 guys, I'm loving writing this series and trust me there's good stuff to come.... I'm so excited!!! I hope you're enjoying this so far :) let me know what you think ❤️- Lou

Series Warnings: slow burn romance, eventual smut, age gap, complicated relationship (low-key unhealthy dynamics), eventual love...

Series Masterlist

(2) Your Very Own Mirror

She sits in the Dirty Hit office, Jamie sat opposite her, Matty sitting next to Jamie, the pair looking at a bunch of stacked papers. The pair had been texting constantly since they met up for coffee, talking about music, speaking about their songs and their mutual interests in other artists. She explained how Fleetwood Mac was her favorite band, he informed her that they were one of Ross' favorites too. He spoke a lot about Ross, she was unsure what the intention was, she secretly hoped the bearded man asked Matty to slip him into conversation but the rational part of her brain told her it was more likely that it was just general chit chat. Mates supporting mates.

She liked how Matty and her were at the moment, despite not knowing each other for very long at all, he got her, she felt like he had very quickly become one of her best friends. Her favorite times were late at night, when he'd randomly call her and ask "have you heard of this thing love?" And began talking about some niche topic. She also loved when he'd call her to talk about music, to recommend a song he'd listened to and thought she'd like. Each call proved that she was at the forefront of his mind and she was becoming quite accustomed to the idea.

She was sat picking at her nails, only noticing the bad behavior when she feels blood being drawn from the skin, she rolls her hand up into a fist, hiding the abuse she'd given to herself, opting to pick at the varnish of the other hand.

"Are you okay love?" He asks, watching as he picked at her black nail varnish, small flecks falling somewhere unseen. He's by her side in the next second, a look of pure worry on his face. His presence near her, closer to her, made her feel calmer, he quietened her ever noisy brain.

"Yeah yeah... Sorry just a bit nervous I guess" she says making him nod but he can tell she's withholding the truth. He places his hand in hers and squeezes gently, before letting her go.

"Don't be... We're the ones that should be nervous" he says making her confused.

"How so?"

"You might say no" Jamie speaks, placing his phone down on the table.

"Let's get this started then shall we"

The three of them settle on a deal of sorts, a trial period, where Matty, George and Ross (all who agreed prior) would book in some studio time with Y/n and her band. The idea was, that after they had established some tracks, and worked with the boys, if she liked it and felt like the label offered what her and the band was looking for, she would then sign to it. Jamie explained that he hoped she would sign to the label and if they did, they could support the 1975 for a few shows. All of the talk was very exciting but she was also incredibly nervous.

❀•°❀°•❀•°❀°•❀•°❀°•❀•°❀°•❀ •°❀°•❀•°❀°•❀

They all sit around the brown leather booth in a hipster looking bar in Soho, round the corner from where y/n and the band usually perform. She's dressed comfortably in a pair of black jeans and a black knitted sleeveless turtle neck, when she left the house earlier to attend the meeting, it was fairly warm. Outside was now far too chilly for her liking and she cursed herself for not bringing a jacket. Matty had walked with her to this particular bar, texting the rest of the band to join them.

"Cheers" Ross says, clinking his glass against hers and Matty's, George who was sitting across from her raising his glass to her and smiling widely.

"To the new recruit" Matty says making her chuckle and shake her head.

"Hey I haven't agreed yet!" Her words make everyone chuckle and she doesn't miss the way Matty raises his eyebrows at her, as if to say "sureeee"

"Yeah I heard all about your bargaining... Ballsy" George says, the word having been used to describe her far too many times now.

"Got to protect myself and the band haven't I?" She says and they all laugh again.

"So we start making this album with you and you'll consider letting the label sign you?" George asks and she nods.

"Wow... You really are cool... Charli was right" George says making everyone laugh.

"Speaking of' George says, standing up as the black haired girl strides towards him, he meets her in a hug and they share a quick peck, George murmuring a "hi baby" which makes y/n smile warmly, before she's turning towards y/n.

"Hey bitch!" She says, pulling y/n up and hugging her.

"Hi!" She's says, hugging Charli tightly. They weren't the closest but she always loved being around Charli and her friends and was very fond of her, wanting to be closer with her. The girls sit back down and they all talk amongst themselves. Matty talks to Charli and George as Ross speaks with Y/n.

Adam eventually joins and Y/n stops her conversation with Ross abruptly, looking at Adam who was now greeting Matty.

"Hann this is y/n, the artist we told you about. Y/n this is Adam" Matty says and she stands, reaching a hand out to him who shakes it with a smile.

"Great to finally meet you, the guys haven't shut up about you to be honest" he says and she smiles, mouth falling open and then shutting again, at a loss for words.

"You okay love?" Matty asks and she shakes her head, composing herself.

"I can't lie... I'm kind of freaking out, I'm a huge fan..." She says to Adam making everyone laugh.

"You're one of the reasons I started playing guitar, you're mad talented" she hates the way she sounds like a cliche fan but she couldn't help it. Matty raises his eyebrows at her and she sees the cogs turning in his brain, he looks at her and she knows he's mentally saying "Adam your fave then?" But she shakes her head at him.

"Wow, thank you, that means a lot. The guys showed me some videos of you and your band playing, you're sick!" She smiles and blushes at his words, sitting back down next to Ross and continuing their conversation.

"He's right you know... You're really talented, amazing really... How long have you been playing guitar?" The way he so casually compliments her had her heart fluttering and she nearly stutters over her words- nearly.

She feigns confidence as she says "since I was 15, the summer after I discovered your band... I tried bass but it wasn't for me" and he laughs.

"How so?" He asks.

"my hands are too small and I struggled to be honest"

"don't be silly, let me see" he says, lifting her hand and placing it against his. The sensation is instant for both of them, fire igniting, sparks flying, electric buzzing, hand against hand but it's as if their souls have been ripped open for the other to see.

Their mouths both fall open as they touch, neither look at their hands, too busy looking into each other's eyes, occasionally flicking down to each other's lips. She feels the warmth of his hand against her and she blushes.

"You're right... You've got tiny hands" he struggles to get the words out, having to swallow a few times before they even come out. She smiles at his teasing, fingers closing around his hand, tugging it towards her before she opens her hand again, inspecting it closer.

"Or you've just got giant hands Macdonald" he smirks at her then, eyes finally moving away from her lips and down at their hands. Her mouth sits slightly agape as she takes in his hand, eyes falling on the veins and callouses there.

Their moment is interrupted by the buzz of her phone which sits in her lap, her eyes flick down to look at it before she looks back up at Ross.

"Sorry' she says quietly, reluctantly letting go of his hand and reaching for her phone. His hand wraps back around his glass, bringing the liquid back up to his lips to take a sip.

He watches her over the rim of his glass, seeing the way her eyebrows furrow as she reads the text she received. He doesn't like the way she's huffing as she reads it, or the roll of her eyes before she's placing her phone face down onto table, drawing her attention back to him.

She seems almost withdrawn when her eyes find his again, and the smile she directs his way seems forced.

"Everything okay love?" Her stomach flutters at the nickname and she has to stop herself from gasping. She's worried her voice will fail her so she simply nods, but with one look from Ross, a raise of his eyebrows and a tilt of his head, she's spilling all.

"Sorry it's just the band... They didn't want to come to the meeting with me - said I can make the decision as I'm the 'frontman' which I already fucking hate... Which is just stupid anyway because we're a band, were supposed to make these decisions together, and now Jay, drummer, is lecturing me saying I should just sign the contract... That doing studio time with you guys before is a waste of time" she rants, her words are rushed but Ross manages to catch every single one without fail, she buffs at the end of her words, breath fast and shallow.

"Love" he says, her heart fluttering again, picking up tenfold when he takes her hand back in his "breathe for a second" he watches as she inhales deeply before exhaling, her shoulders slumping slightly after she does.

"Better?' she nods.

"Good... I'm sorry darling, that sucks... For what it's worth, I think it's really brave of you.. and super cool too" he says, a clear smirk resting against his lips as he speaks.

"Really?" she barely realises that her hand is still in his, only noticing when he follows his "yeah" with a squeeze of her hand.

"I think you're just trying to do what's best for your band and although they're putting all the pressure on you to make that decision, I think you're making the best one... Just looking out for them" he says and she's the one squeezing his hand now, silently thanking him.

"I'm glad you get it... Thank you Ross" she says, debating whether to pull her hand away from his despite not wanting to. It seemed like it was a matter of who would break first.

"You're welcome sweetheart... Anytime" her breath hitches again at the new nickname, this time not going unnoticed by the bassist, who raises his eyebrows, but doesn't say anything, which she feels grateful for, she really didn't want to feel mortified right now. Instead he surprises her with a question.

"Fancy going outside for a bit?" He asks, eyes never leaving hers, the intensity of his eye contact making her mouth fall open slightly. She nods as her eyes flick from his eyes to his mouth.

They stand from the table, thankfully everyone is too engrossed in their conversation to realise and they quietly slip outside the pub. The cold air immediately makes her skin prick up and goosebumps rise to the surface, she wraps her hands around herself, running them up and down her arms in an attempt to keep herself warm.

Wordlessly, Ross shrugs off his jacket, moving forward and draping it over her frame, the fabric almost immediately drowning her, but the warmth she feels (weather from the item of the clothing, or from the fact she's wearing his jacket) makes her smile. His hands don't leave the lapels straight away, tugging gently until she's standing closer to him.

Maybe it was because Ross was usually quiet, his actions this evening were taking her by surprises, pleasantly so.

"You look cute in my clothes" the confession makes her blush and she has to take a step back, sighing deeply. "Where are you going?" He says, pulling her towards him again. He notices her breath is heavy again.

"What's up, am I making you uncomfortable?" He goes to retreat but she stops him, shaking her head as she looks up at him

"No... Not at all... You're just surprising me is all" she admits and he smirks.

"How so?"

"The pet names, the- the touching... The forwardness... Just didn't expect it from you to be honest... You're usually quiet" she says and he nods.

"I'm not usually this forward to be honest..."

"What is it about me then?" She challenges.

"Everything" the one word answer has her breath hitching again and he notices, smirking and pulling her close to him again.

"I like that noise... Wouldn't mind hearing it in different circumstances" he says, as she laughs in an attempt to ease the tension.

"Jesus Christ" she murmurs "you're giving me whiplash".

"Sorry... I'm coming on too strong aren't I?" He says, stepping back again, this time she lets him. Not because she wanted him away from her (in fact she wanted exactly the opposite) but she allows it because she thinks it's best, she knew they'd get ahead of themselves if she allowed it to continue.

"You're not, don't apologise" she says, making him smile.

"Okay..." The tension seems to be lifted somewhat and she can breathe almost normally again. Her heart is still beating rapidly in her chest, almost soaring when she spots the dimples either side of his lips and the way his eyes are creasing as he smiles.

"I want to get to know you more... Seeing as we're going to be working together" he says and she smirks, sure that was the reason, she thinks.

"Id like that" he nods, stepping forward just slightly. He feels the need, the desire to just hug her but refrains from doing so, wondering what's coming over him. He was never like this usually.

"We should go inside... I'm freezing my tits off" he says making her laugh loudly. Oh god that laugh he thinks, he thinks it's the best noise he's ever heard and knew he'd do anything to hear it again.

"You didn't have to give me your jacket" she gazes up at him, one eyebrow raising, her eyes almost twinkle when she sees him smirk, accompanied with a slow shake of his head. His hand slowly reaches forward, just one hand, reaching for the edge of his jacket, smoothing the fabric between his fingers. She feels his knuckle graze her abdomen briefly before he pulls back.

"Don't be silly, I wanted to... Couldn't have you shivering out here whilst I'm all toasty" he explains, she stops her breath from hitching, sighing instead, trying to pull it off as a content one instead of a surprised one.

"And now it's the other way round" she says, raising her eyebrows as her arms cross over her chest, the fabric creasing under her hands, his scent escaping from the clothing, harassing her senses, making her skin rise in goosebumps again.

"oh shush' he says making her laugh. He places a hand at her back, leading her back inside. They make their way back over to their table, her still in his jacket and his hand still resting against her back, coming to rest against the back of her seat as they sit back down.

Her eyes find Matty's as she shrugs off Ross' coat, the curly haired man frowning at her.

"What's up?' she mouths, worried something was up with him. She couldn't quite explain it but she felt some sort of duty towards Matty already, knowing he was so similar to her and that alone had her wanting to protect him. She wasn't sure whether she liked how deeply she cared for him already, she felt like she knew him so well already and was a scared of getting hurt. Whilst on the other hand, the man who's jacket she was just wearing, she didn't know that well at all, seeing as in the years she had been following the band, he was more reserved than Matty.

"Later" he mouths back, making her frown. She picks up her phone that she left again the table, ignoring the texts from her bandmates and pulling him Mattys contact in her phone.

Ross draws his eyes away from the scene, not wanting to intrude but feels a pang of jealousy hit him. He sees the name light up her phone "Bestie ❤️" and somehow he knows its Matty.

"You'd tell me if something was up right?" She sends the message, hearing the ding of his phone before he's drawing it from his pocket, eyes flicking from the device to her as he reads it.

"Yeah love... Don't worry I'm fine x" she receives back in reply, placing her phone down and smiling at him, he smiles back. She makes a funny face at him for safe measure, just in case he was in fact lying, she hoped it would cheer up a little bit.

He chuckles and the sight makes her smile wide again, turning her attention back to Ross for a second, who smiles at her too.

"So y/n..." She looks to see who was talking to her, finding Adam smiling at her.

"How long have you and your band been together... What's the name again?" He asks and she smiles.

"The Love Of Thieves" she confirms, making him raise his eyebrows, muttering a "cool name".

"We've been together for almost 10 years now... Started when I was 15, the rest were around 18 then" she says.

"They're older than you?" Matty asks, her eyes flicking to him and she smiles, nodding at him.

"Yeah... Everyone thought it was really weird... Me hanging out with people who were older than me. But my brother played bass with our drummer's brother, and we all used to hang out... They didn't realise I was as young as I was until about 6 months in" she explains and everyone laughs. Ross can't help but like the fact her brother played bass, knowing it was a conversation they could have another time.

"Such a cool kid weren't you?' Matty jokes making her raise her middle finger at him.

"Shut up... I didn't get along with people my age to be honest. Besides I grew up around older people, so I just fit in with them" she explains and people around the table nod, seeming to understand.

"Where did the name come from?" George asks, sipping from his glass as his other hand held Charli's.

"We actually kind of stole it..." She says, making everyone laugh.

"My dad always used to play records around the house and I remember coming downstairs one day and this song was playing... Wasn't really my vibe like musically but there was this one lyric" she says, smiling as she looked at her fingers.

"Oh the tears that you weep, For the poor tortured souls, Who fall at your feet... I fucking loved that... So I asked my dad what the song was"

A chorus of "The Love Thieves" breaks out and she nods.

"We added a word obviously..." She laughs again "it was originally just a place holder but it kind of just..."

"Stuck' Matty finishes and she nods again.

"I think that's fucking sick" he then says and she smiles.

"Thanks..." She blushes as Matty smiles.

"Cool name for a cool band" Ross says and she smiles over at him.

Eventually people start filtering out, Adam leaves first, wanting to get home go his wife and child, which Y/n finds very sweet. Charli and George are then leaving next, Charli pulling her up from the table to hug her tightly.

"We'll have to go out soon, just the two of us" y/n confirms with a nod and Charli then kisses her cheek and bids her farewell.

Mumbling a "keep being a legend and if these lot get on your nerves, let me know"

Matty, Ross and Y/n stay until close, eventually being ushered out by one of the bar tenders.

She begins to shiver as soon as she steps outside, and it's a matter of which one shrugs their jacket off first, the winner being Matty, who drapes his coat over her shoulders. She says a thank you but her eyes find Ross' who looks down sadly at her.

"Sorry for being that idiot who didn't bring a jacket" she says making them both laugh.

"It's fine, I've got my cig to warm me up" Matty says and she nods.

"Want me to call you a cab?" Ross then speaks up, she smiles but ultimately shakes her head at him.

"No I'm good thank you, Abbie works around the corner and has just finished her shift so she's going to swing by and pick me up" she explains making the both of them nod.

"Abbie is your guitarist right?" Ross asks and she nods.

"The one and only... She likes to think she's Hann but she's really not" her words making the boys chuckle.

"She's a fan too?' Matty asks, cringing when he realises he just called her a 'fan'. But y/n doesn't mind, because she was one, and a huge one at that. She had their logo tattooed for Christ sake.

"She is" she confirms. They hear the beep of a car and y/n flicks her eyes towards it, seeing Abbie with her head out of her window, waving at them.

"Well that's me" she says, going to shrug off Mattys jacket but he stops her.

"Keep it" he says, pulling her towards him to hug her tightly.

"Lovely to see you again... I really look forward to working with you y/n' he says into her ear as they hug.

"You too Matty... Better text me" she says and he mumbles an 'of course, not getting rid of me now" they then pull away and she steps forward, closer to Ross.

"MacDonald" she says and he smirks down at her, hooking his arms around her waist and pulling her the rest of the way towards him.

"Y/L/N" he says back, sighing into her hair as they hug. It was the first hug they shared and he was already addicted. To the way she felt against him, in his arms, smaller than him, warm against him. The way he could feel her heart beat against his chest and the way she felt her warmth seep into him. The way he could smell her, more strongly now.

"Tonight was fun" he says and she nods against him. The pair realise they've been hugging for a little too long so reluctantly pull away.

"I'll text you" he says and she smiles, really hopeful that he does.

She pulls away and her eyes flick between the pair, heart beating and breath picking up. She then leaves them, walking to the guitarists car, opening the door and getting in.

She was fucked.

"Good night?" She asks as she begins driving.

"Amazing." She confirms.

"Who's jacket is that?'

"Mattys'

"Oh. Anything going on there?"

"No don't be silly"

Her phone buzzes as she looks at it, seeing one notification from an unknown number.

"Let me know when you're home please xx - Ross"

She quickly saved his number in her phone as "MacDonald" tempting to put a little heart next to his name but not wanting to get ahead of herself, when she recieves another message.

"Looked better in my jacket btw... Fancy grabbing a coffee sometime? Xx" it reads and it makes her gasp quietly again.

She thinks twice about sending what she wants to, deciding to just go for it and replying back with a "Yours was comfier... Smelt like you too 🤭... And would love to x"

Her phone pings far too quickly for it to be Ross so she looks again and sees another message, this firm from Matty, who had edited his contact name from the simple "Matty" to "Bestie ❤️" when they went for coffee with one another.

"I'm now realising the huge mistake I made when I gave you my jacket... You've got my house keys" it reads and she gasps.

"Fuck" she says, burring her hand into the pocket of his jacket, feeling the metal against her hands and pulling it out.

"What?" Abbie says.

"I've got Matty's keys" she says.

"Shit" Abbie says.

"Yeah. Shit"

"Text me your address please x" she sends, worrying when he doesn't reply "Matthew!" She then sends.

"I'm not letting you drive all the way here just to drop my keys off xx" - Matty.

"Well I'm not letting you roam the streets in the freezing cold Matthew. Send me your address xx" - Y/n.

He replies back almost immediately with his address.

"Do you mind dropping me off near by? I can get an Uber back if you need to be somewhere" she explains and Abbie nods.

"You sure? I can wait about a bit"

"No honestly it's fine"

They drive almost in silence to his house, pulling up close by.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do" she says making y/n shake her head.

"It's not like that.. I'm just going to give him his keys and then head home...besides you're literally gay"

"exactly"

Y/n walks the last bit towards his house, seeing him sitting on the curb.

"Oh thank fuck, I'm about to freeze to death here"

"Nice to see you too' she jokes.

"I'm so thankful you're here darling. Seriously, I could've crashed at someone's house" he says and she shakes her head, smiling when he pulls her into a tight hug.

"Wanna come up for a bit? I make a mean brew" he offers and despite knowing she should really say no, she's nodding.

"Sounds heavenly" and then she's handing him his keys and they're entering his house.

She's entering Matty Healy's house. Her phone buzzes in her (Mattys pocket) and if she had looked she would've seen a text from Ross that read "Home yet love? You've got me worried here xxx"

(4) No Need To Explain

A/n: AHHHHH what's going to happen next? Let me know what you think is going to happen!! If you're liking this please consider liking, leaving a comment and reblogging :) love youuuuu

© all lyrics are written and owned by yours truly (let's ignore the fact they're not that good but yeah) no stealing hehe

[tillthelandslide]

Same For You (7) Hate Missing You

Series Masterlist

(6) The Dinner

Series Warnings: slow burn romance, eventual smut, age gap, complicated relationship (low-key unhealthy dynamics), eventual love...

Taglist: @scooby-doodoo @thereisaplaceintheheart @theoriginalwhatsername @eaglestar31 @thefrontofmymind @fallingforel @partoftheairforce @procrastinatinglikeapro @poisonmedaddy13 @xthe1975 @all-things-fic @jstbeeingme @rossgirly @juliardk (add yourself using the link in my bio 😊)

A/n: hi everyone 👋 just wanted to say a huge thank you to all the support on this series so far, it means a lot to me. I hope you continue to enjoy it, let me know what you think, my inbox is always open so share your thoughts, predictions, what you'd like to see, who you're rooting for, whatever 💞 also once again, next part will be posted once this reaches 100 notes :) - love Lou

She had been avoiding both of them like the plague. She had seen Charli a few times, the girls going for drinks a few times, but neither of the men were mentioned once, a clear rule y/n set down the moment they were with each other. She was thankful Charli didn't mention it, she didn't press, didn't demand a reason as to why she didn't want to talk about either of the guys. She had even spoken to George a few times and seen him twice, the two of them chilling in his and Charli's house and sharing ideas for songs, Y/n sharing some demos that George took to work on.

The distance didn't stop either of them from constantly texting or calling her. They both started to get worried when she took a while to reply, or didn't pick up the phone. She would text back hours after their messages were sent, with an excuse, although most of the time they were in fact true, such as "sorry been writing with this artist" which was true, but she had only allowed said artists to book time in with her so she could distract herself.

She was currently sitting in the garage, working with an independent artist called Emma, she had written a song for her and they were currently recording it. She currently was sat alone at her computer, they were taking a quick break so Emma could smoke in her back garden, outside the shed. She's distracted by the buzzing of her phone, Matty's name lighting up her screen with a picture they had taken from the day they got coffee. She had since changed his name, seeing "bestie" every time he called was just confusing her further.

Emma walks back in as she stares at her phone.

"You can take that if you want" she says and y/n shakes her head.

"no it's okay" she says, turning her phone over so their picture isn't staring back at her.

"Nothing important" she tells herself this although she knows it's a lie. She missed hearing his excited voice on the other side of the phone, missed the late night phone calls when he'd ramble about music and art. They finish the song and Emma leaves, by that point it's pretty late at night.

When she eventually looks at her phone she sees 6 missed calls from Matty and 4 messages, 4 missed calls from Ross and 6 messages. She sighs deeply texting both of them the same message.

"Sorry was in the studio working with a girl called Emma" it only takes a minute to receive two texts back.

"Been working a lot recently, don't wear yourself out love... P.s miss you xx" - Ross

"No worries darling, look at you go aye! Miss you xx" - Matty

She ignores both messages, leaving her home studio and returning to her house.

The truth is she misses them both, so much. But she needed time to think, not that she had done much of that. She had been making herself busy so she was distracted and it didn't leave much time to think. She wasn't doing herself any favors and she knew that.

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The band do their usual set in the usual bar in Soho, the same, usual people standing right at the front. Her eyes flick to the back table where they're usually sat, but she doesn't spot them. Charli is sat with George, and their overlapping friendship groups. Carly and Adam are even here. But they aren't there. Ross and Matty...

They hadn't come. She shouldn't really be surprised, not only had she been avoiding the two of them but they were an internationally famous band who clearly had better things to do than seeing a small band perform. She knew they were on a break from touring, hence why she had seen so much of them recently, but she still wouldn't be surprised if they had other things to do.

The cheers from the crowd don't feel as good, not when she knows they aren't there screaming along. She didn't know what she expected, she had brought this upon herself. When they get off the stage her band goes to greet their friends, but she exits the building, grabbing a cigarette from her pack hidden in her pocket. She shakes the thought that she was being rude away from her brain. She hadn't officially met Carly yet and felt bad that she hadn't immediately went over and introduced herself, but she needed a fag, right now.

The door opens behind her and a pair of arms wrap around her frame, a sweet scent following behind them. Charli.

"You smashed it as always" she says, pulling back from the hug.

"Thanks" she murmurs, taking a sharp inhale of her cigarette.

Charli doesn't mention either of the men and she doesn't know whether she's thankful or whether she wants to hear the reason they're not here. She stays quiet, silently smoking her cigarette. The dark haired girl's hands finds her shoulders, pulling Yn so she's facing her. She had hoped they'd be here, that she was forced to see them, she could tell herself it was out of her control, that she couldn't do anything about it. She could pretend she had no other choice, when in reality she just wanted to see them. Being without them both, was torture.

"Hey are you okay? What's going on with you?" She says and y/n sighs deeply. She wants to tell her, she wants to tell her everything. She knew she wouldn't judge and truly she was the only person she could see who wouldn't hate her for the whole situation. The band would say she's messing up their chances. George would probably feel entitled to tell his friends, for they were his best friends in the whole world. And she didn't have anyone else to tell. She couldn't tell either of the men in question because they wouldn't understand and she could (and probably would) lose both of them.

"I'm just tired Char... Promise" she drops her cigarette and allows Charli to pull her into a hug.

"If you need to tell me anything... I'm here" she says and y/n mumbles a thank you. One thing that the absence of Matty and Ross had caused was her close bond with Charli, she was thankful for that.

"Now come join us" so she does, she sits with Carly and Adam, introducing herself to the smiley girl. She compliments Y/n and her band, mentioning "the guys wouldn't shut about you... you put them to shame really" it makes her laugh and the three begin talking about all sorts. Matty and Ross slip from her mind a little bit, not fully disappearing but slightly less present. The group laughs and has fun and she's distracted again. Blissfully blocking both men out. Fairly successfully too.

❀•°❀°•❀•°❀°•❀•°❀°•❀•°❀°•❀ •°❀°•❀•°❀°•❀

A pile of scrunched up papers are scattered around her, the studio floor barely visible through the white sheets. She arrived early this morning, surprised to see George already at the sound board, editing bits and bobs. She has avoided both Ross and Matty for exactly 6 days now, but she knew today that would come to an end, she'd be forced to be near them and she knew that her unclouded mind would be foggy again and she'd be right back at square one, just as confused as ever.

One particular loud sigh (among other annoyed, restless and agitated noises) draws George from his work at the computer, spinning around in the chair and looking at her.

She looked tired, bags were under her eyes and he noticed how her thumb on her left hand was bleeding slightly. He leaves the room, going to the bathroom of the studio and grabbing a sterile wipe and a plaster. He approaches her slowly, leaning down and sitting with her and even that doesn't draw her attention away from her notebook. He gently takes hold of her left hand, bringing it towards him, and that's what makes her look at him.

"What are you doing?" She asks, eyes briefly drifting away from her writing and landing on George's hand. It's a funny sight, his huge hand, the most gentle she had ever seen it, holding hers as he cleaned her abuse. It was a sweet moment, between two friends and she was thankful for it.

"You're bleeding love" the "oh" that falls from her lips before her eyes are back on her book and she's withdrawing her hand from him, tells him everything he needed to know. This was a common occurrence for her, they hadn't spent enough time alone together for him to know what she was like when she was anxious or agitated, he didn't know the tell tell signs of such feelings. But he takes her hand back into his as he tears the packet with his teeth.

"Let me do this for you okay?" He asks and she nods, allowing him to clean the wound, the blood (although not very much) sleeps into the wet fabric and it stings slightly. She flinches and he murmurs a sorry.

"Talk to me... What's up?" He asks. Truth is he didn't know her all that well, but he wanted to, just like Ross and Matty... Well maybe not just like them. He wanted to be her friend. They had spent a fair amount of time with each other but it was mostly for work. Of course, she was easy to get along with and George saw just as Matty and Ross did, that she was kind and a good person to be around. He cared for her already, he supposes that was something obvious about her, she drew people in, even just as friends. They wanted to know her.

"Nothing what are you talking about?" He furrows his eyebrows at her and scoffs.

"The scrunched up and ripped paper around the room says otherwise love"

"I just can't get this song right okay?" She says and he nods as he wraps her thumb in a plaster, letting her take her hand back.

"thanks"

"No worries... Whats the song about?" She thinks it's the first time in the whole time they've been working together, that someone has asked what the meaning of the song was and it throws her off for a second.

"I want to write a song about... how I always go after the wrong guy... Always end up getting my heart broken" she explains and George nods. He pulls her notebook and reads the words out loud.

"My brain twists and turns Craving for a touch that burns Every time I try to put myself first I drown in this pain, my heart might burst I wish it didn't have to hurt so much I'm in a million pieces, my soul I can't touch I'm screaming inside, my emotions I can't clutch" his eyebrows furrow, thinking about he words, before he looks up at her.

"what's wrong with this? It's good"

"i don't feel like it captures how I feel" he nods along.

"how do you feel?" It's a simple question, but the answer is far from simple, she doesn't know how to explain it, which is why she thinks she's struggling to get it into the paper in front of her.

"Okay... We're doing this then?" She asks and George looks confused, furrowing his eyebrows at her.

"What do you mean?"

"If I tell you, you have to promise it doesn't leave this room"

"of course... Now explain" she's thankful that he's there for her, that he wants to know. She's aware this is the first person she would've even hinted at how she was feeling.

"So I always seem to go for guys who just break my heart... And now... Hypothetically there might be a guy who is so god damn good and pure... And what... What if I don't deserve that? What if the reason I loved so hard before but ultimately got my heart broken .. is actually because I just don't deserve it and what if... I'm pushing him away because it might actually be good for once" she asks and George frowns.

"that's what I want to write about"

"Well purely hypothetically... If said guy is perhaps one of my best mates... Hypothetically I'd say you do deserve that love" she shakes her head at his words. She briefly wonders which one he's referring to, but shakes the thought from her mind.

"listen y/n... If you loved the wrong person that deeply, imagine how deeply you'll love the right one... And if they're the right person... They'll love you just as much"

"you're quite wise George Daniel" she leans her head onto his shoulder as a silent thank you and he smiles. She thinks about mentioning Matty, explaining that she felt something (although what and how deeply was not clear yet) but before she gets the chance, the door opens revealing both Matty and Ross who both smile at the sight of the two of them. Suddenly they're both right there again, stabbing at her heart and mystifying her brain , she realises her attempt to avoid them, to ice them out was futile because they're there, clouding her every thought, painting her brain with beautiful hews of Ross and Matty.

"Are you bonding?" Matty's voice rings out and both of them groan as they stand up.

"Shut up" George says as he returns to the sound desk. Matty walks towards her and is quick to pull her into a hug.

"hi" he says smiling down at her.

"Hi" she smiles back. Matty leaves to look at what George has been working on and she takes the time to walk over to Ross, who is smiling widely down at her.

"Hello stranger" he says and she feels guilty immediately but allows him to pull her to him, hugging her tightly. His lips graze her cheek quickly, not able to help himself. He breathes in her hair as he mumbled a "miss you". She's half expecting him to say something about how she was clearly avoiding him but he doesn't and she's unbelievably thankful for that.

She doesn't tell him she misses him back, she just smiles into his chest, finally pulling away when she hears Matty and George talking.

"How was the show on Saturday? Sorry I couldn't make it, Jamie needed me for a dirty hit thing" Matty explains and she smiles.

"Yeah it was good... George and Char came... And Hann and Carly too" she says and Matty raises his eyebrows. Her voice is slightly withheld, withdrawn, distant. He frowns at her, it was like two strangers talking to each other, like this conversation was more of a duty rather than between two friends who were genuinely interested in catching up.

"Good...." He says turning back to George who frowns up at him. She goes back to the papers, collecting the crumpled up ones and discarding them, Ross joins her. And his presence is suddenly too close for her so she stands immediately.

"I'm going outside for a bit" she announces, leaving before anyone has a chance to say anything.

When she's gone, the three guys share a look, and it's a matter of time before one of them speaks up.

"what's going on with her?" Both Ross and Matty ask George at the same time. He feels like a deer caught in the headlights. He quite successfully feigns ignorance, shrugging his shoulders. But then he feels it's not fair on his best friends.

"Maybe you should talk to her instead of asking me" George says, turning back to his screen.

"Mate I've been trying all week..." Matty speaks up

"she's been busy mate" Ross says and Matty's eyes find his.

"You know that's bullshit... She doesn't need to work with other people, she's doing this for a reason" he then argues. Ross cant argue with his logic, he can't find a fault to his reasoning, because it was true. It was obvious she was avoiding both of them, but neither knew why.

"I don't know what you want me to say" George says. Matty is then leaving before Ross gets a chance to attend to her first. He wanted to be the one to console her if she needed it, but of course Matty beat him to it.

"Just leave them mate, trust me... You're good. She's fine" Ross doesn't know what George means, but he shrugs and sits down anyway, eyes trained on the door just waiting for the moment it opens and she's back again.

Matty finds her smoking, nearly at the end of her cigarette. His eyebrows raise at the sight, not knowing she smoked. He doesn't comment though. He stays silent for a second.

"You've been avoiding me... Why?" He asks abruptly making her turn to look at him before turning back away from him.

"I haven't Matty... I've been busy" again it feels like a stranger is talking to him, not someone who he was considering to be one of his closest friends now. Not someone who got him, who he cared deeply for.

"If you say so love..." He inhales a puff of his own cigarette and suddenly her eyes are on him, watching as he breathes it out deeply. She's missed him, that much was obvious.

"Enjoy the vinyl I sent you?" He asks and she nods, eyes trained on the cigarette lying limply in-between his teeth as he talks, his hands clasped around his phone as he types something out. He doesn't see her nod so his eyes snap up, awaiting an answer.

"Yeah... Been playing it a lot recently actually" she says, and it sounds like her again, not withdrawn or pulled back, just her. His friend, his y/n.

"What's your favorite?" He asks and she pauses to think. He shoves his phone back in his pocket, fingertips clasping the cigarette again, his other hand dropping to his side. She suddenly feels the urge to take his hand in hers but she doesn't.

"I love all of them... But Sad To Breathe or Boyhood are my favorites at the moment" she says and Matty smiles.

"I'll tell Amber... She'll love that" she smiles at that.

"Sunshine Baby is a great song too" his eyes sparkle, and they smile at each other. He steps forward and she lets him, he drops his cigarette and so does she as he wraps his arms around her.

"Missed you, y'know" he says, face burying into her hair.

"Missed you too Matty" she admits. He doesn't ask why she was avoiding her again, he doesn't bring it back up and she doesn't know how to feel about it.

"You can avoid me all you want... But don't do that to Ross, he doesn't deserve that" his words are like a ton of bricks falling on her and she doesn't know how to react. So she doesn't, she just nods and murmurs a silly little "sorry"

"Let's get back inside" he says and she agrees, walking back to the studio with his arm hooked over her shoulders as he asked questions about the girl she was working with.

"I actually ended up writing a song after working with her that I really like" Ross and George catch that part of their conversation, both smiling at her before George speaks up.

"Let's see then" he says, she retrieves her notebook from where she discarded it, flicking to the right page, she wonders whether she should show them this. Would this reveal too much? she thinks. She hands the book to George first, his eyes flick over the words as Matty and Ross watch. She stands next to him, bringing her thumb that is wrapped in the plaster to her mouth before realising she couldn't abuse it like usual.

Matty notices the plaster, so does Ross, both wondering what happened. The injury was minor, but the both of them were still worried.

George's eyes find hers and he raises his eyebrows, silently asking "you sure?" she nods at him and he nods back.

"I like it" he confirms, handing her back the book. She passes it to Matty, him and Ross read it together.

Hate Missing You: I'm drowning in sadness without you, can you hear me? Hold my breath and count to three, who am I without you? You're the part of me I cannot see, won't you just let it be? I miss the feeling of being home, I feel lost without you I miss you but the feeling of my heartbeat makes me nervous That way you smile and my heart skips a beat, it makes me dizzy Sorry for the distance, it's tearing me apart, it's hard And there's no way to return your message from my heart So I make myself busy, giving me an excuse as why I can't see you, I can't choose between two halves of myself

They're lost for words, both looking at her, not speaking. She feels unbelievably nervous, awaiting a response that doesn't come for a few moments.

"This is.... its good Y/n/n" Matty says, she senses that its not all he has to say. If she could creep into his mind she'd see all his thoughts and she'd notice there was so many of them. Who was this about? Is this really how she felt? Is she okay? How can he help?

"It's powerful, raw.... its good love" Ross then says, but again she senses that he wants to say more. He wanted to know who this was about. Who got to have these hauntingly beautiful words written about them? Who was the one she missed? And how could he take the pain away?

They begin working on the song, Ross records some bass lines in the absence of Clara, Matty and Y/n both record some guitar bits and Y/n also records some piano bits. George adds in some simple drum beats.

Things with Matty seemed okay, almost back to normal. But things with Ross were suddenly different and she wasn't sure whether she liked it or not. Sure, lingering touches that screamed "I want you" were still shared, and looks that shouted "my soul yearns for you" happened more often than not. But ever since having dinner at Charli and George's house, ever since she kissed his cheek and left him on her door step, ever since she woke up from that blissful dream, something had shifted. They seemed to be avoiding things more, he hesitated before making his usual comments, comments that were once flirty seemed a little bit apprehensive now.

She knows he's only doing what she said, she told him they couldn't, so he was trying to respect that. But sometimes, when that thought slipped from his mind, the normal things that were 'them" happened, like those touches and stares. But even through that, something felt off. Her mind was still reeling from him holding her thigh with such a grip that it was as if she was his anchor keeping him on the ground. She swears she can still feel the way his thumb grazed the skin, even 6 days later, 6 torturous days she spent avoiding him. And she'd be lying if she said she hadn't found herself staring at those hands of his one too many times when he played the bass.

She excuses herself from the studio and the three men, explaining that she just needed a moment alone. They had been working for what felt like hours now and she couldn't handle one more of those longing looks from Ross, or one more of those eyebrow raises from Matty when he caught her staring at Ross.

She finds her coat that she had hung up upon her arrival, slipping her arms through it and going outside. Her hand finds the inside pocket, finding the pack of cigarettes she reserved for special occasions like this. When she was well and truly confused and stressed. She lights the cigarette easily, she takes three long drags before the door opens.

She knew it was only a matter of time before one of them found an excuse to join her, despite her request to be alone. She rolls her eyes slightly as she looks at Ross, who has his eyebrows raised at her, eyes flicking towards the cigarette in-between her fingertips.

She chuckles and shrugs her shoulders. He hadn't seen her smoke before and it was clear it wasn't a common occurrence, and that fact alone makes him wonder why she needed one now.

"Are you okay love?" He asks and he truly knows something is up when she just nods and deters the conversation.

"How'd you manage to get away from them?" She asks and he laughs, pulling his own pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one. She gives him the same look he gave her, sure she had seen pictures of him smoking, but she had thought he was more of a social smoker. This might have proved that, that was not the case.

He raises his eyebrows back and says a quick "sorry to disappoint you" which she just shakes her head at, for she was also smoking so she didn't care if he did too. It was actually kind of hot. Oh for God sake woman stop.

"Matty got a phone call so I slipped out and said I was going for a fag... George didn't care..." Ross explains and she nods.

His eyes wander over her features, taking in the way she's breathing deeply, in and out, smoke falling from her lips and nostrils. She smokes effortlessly and Ross can't help but like the sight. She looked good, as always, slightly tired but just as beautiful as the first time she took his breath away. But something was off, that much was clear.

"Are we okay?" He asks and she nods, but doesn't speak.

"Maybe try that again... But more convincing" he says and she can't help but laugh. She takes one last puff and drops the cigarette to the floor, stubbing it out with her booted foot.

She steps towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist, needing a hug from him more than anything. The door that was cracked open, is now swinging open, nearly snapping off it's hinges.

"I'm sorry I've been off and avoiding you... Just didn't know how to act around you" she admits into his chest. He forgets about the cigarette he was nursing, dropping it to the floor and letting it burn out as he allowed his arms to wrap around her. He rests his head on top of hers, breathing her in. The new mix of her with the addition of tobacco is even more addicting and he can't help but sigh.

"Don't be sorry... It's hard, I've felt it too... all day in fact" he admits and she feels slightly more at ease at that.

"I know you said we can't... And that's fine... But I can't keep acting like this, it feels wrong. If I wanna hug you I wanna hug you. If I want to hold your hand I want to hold your hand.... Is that okay?" She knows she should shake her head, say no, it's not okay. But she couldn't help herself. She was addicted to him and he was even more addicted to her.

So she nods, she pulls back to look at him and nods, placing her head back against his lower chest and hugging him tightly.

"So what does that mean then?" He asks, his own way of saying what are we? They clearly weren't just friends, but she wasn't allowing them to be truly more than that. They were in some kind of limbo between both of those identifiers.

"We're just us... Is that okay?" And he nods, and smiles widely down at her. He could deal with that for now. It was better than the alternative which was not having her in any way, and he couldn't live like that.

"And Matty?" Ross asks, and she raises her eyebrows, unsure what he was getting at.

"I know you said nothing is going on... but I cant help but sense something there... if you say its nothing its nothing... Just be honest with me, I can take it" Ross says and she nods, sighing deeply.

"I'm still figuring that out..." its the first time she's been truthful about Matty, not just to Ross but to herself.

"Okay... I can deal with that" he says, smiling down at her.

They return to the studio finishing up the song. By the time they leave, its dark outside, George had bid them farewell maybe 20 minutes earlier, hugging her tightly and telling her he was there for her if she needed. The exchange didn't go unnoticed by the remaining men. London is cold but the lights sparkle and she gets that childish glow in her eyes as she walks down the steps from the studio. Ross and Matty can't take their eyes off her but for once she doesn't notice. Matty breaks first, eyes falling from her to Ross.

He notices the glint in his eyes and the way his dimples show deeply, the way his eyes crease. He's seen a similar look before, but nothing of that calibre. Matty's smile drops, he had to stop this. He had to.

That look. That look on his best friend's face, it told him everything he needed to know. That he liked her perhaps more than Matty did, maybe not, but he would always, always put his friends needs and desires before his own.

The problem was, Matty was unsure he'd be able to stop. He didn't know if it was possible. But he'd try... even if it destroyed him.

"Hey um" he hesitates, their eyes fall on him "you guys go ahead, I've left something upstairs" he says. Ross frowns at him.

"You sure mate? We can wait" yn nods too.

"No it's okay... go" he smiles at his friends and then he begins walking up the steps. They begin walking down the path, with Matty watching. Watching the way he made her laugh, watching the way one arm came to rest against her shoulders, watching the way, she, the one he so desperately wanted, seemed right in his arms... At home.

© all lyrics are written and owned by yours truly (let's ignore the fact they're not that good but yeah) no stealing hehe

Note: low-key don't really like this chapter... But oh well. The only bit I actually like is the george x yn bit :(

(8) Studio Sessions

[tillthelandslide]

Same For You (6): The Dinner

Series Masterlist

(5) Changing Roads

Series Warnings: slow burn romance, eventual smut, age gap, complicated relationship (low-key unhealthy dynamics), eventual love...

Taglist: @scooby-doodoo @thereisaplaceintheheart @theoriginalwhatsername @eaglestar31 @thefrontofmymind @fallingforel @partoftheairforce @procrastinatinglikeapro @poisonmedaddy13 @xthe1975 @all-things-fic @jstbeeingme

a/n: here it is everyone!!!! i hope you're ready... things are getting spicyyyyyy (kind of? maybe not i dunno hahah) anywayyyy i love this series and am actually proud of my work for once. Again part 7 is ready to post, i'll be posting it once this has 100 notes :) hope you enjoy, love you all TONS - Lou <3

Being invited back to Charli and George's for dinner wasn't really part of her plan. When the pair met up for a few casual lunch time drinks, Y/n hadn't anticipated being invited back to her house. But Charli was determined if nothing else. She insisted that it wasn't a hassle and George was already planning on cooking food for the couple so one more addition wouldn't hurt. She remembers the brief comment from George about Charli wanting her to have dinner with the couple but she hadn't anticipated it happening so quickly.

She had been to two solo studio sessions and two group sessions, but she still hadn't expected the couple the be so persistent. Not that she was complaining, but slowly the people she once idolised, the people who created music that helped her, were becoming friends and the feeling was foreign, the imposter syndrome she was feeling was unsettling.

Y/n insisted on at least bringing something to contribute, so the girls picked up a bottle of red wine before they jumped in an Uber to Charli's house.

The last thing she was expecting when entering their house was to see one Ross MacDonald lounging in their living room, legs spread casually causing one too many unsavoury thoughts to cloud her mind at the sight. In some alternate universe, one where she's not really her, and her two friends aren't staring at her avidly, she'd be able to go up to the man and drape herself over his lap. In some alternate universe, he would tuck in his head into her neck and attack the skin with kisses, making her giggle, she'd get hot under the collar when those large hands would find her hips and he'd mumble a "miss you" before smearing his lips against her.

"Y/n!" She hears him say cheerfully, snapping her out of her thoughts as he leaves his spot on the sofa and stands to hug her, she can't help but get that feeling in her stomach when he says her name. It takes him all but three strides before he's in front of her. She cranes her neck to look at the man and she wishes more than anything that she could tear her eyes away. He's dressed in black jeans and a cozy brown knit jumper and she can see the collar of the black t-shirt he's wearing underneath. The chain he always wears is tucked beneath the clothing, but she can see the edges poking out, teasing her.

"didn't know you were coming" she can't miss the small smirk that rests on both George and Charli's faces and she keeps her eyes trained on them as she speaks.

"I didn't either... Wasn't really planned" she says but accepts the hug from him, allowing herself to squeeze him tighter, one hand loose around his back as she holds the bottle of wine. They pull away and she turns to George who stands with an arm wrapped around his girlfriend's waist.

"Good to see you love, had a good time?" He asks, referring to the two girls hanging out. She walks towards them, handing George the bottle of wine as she speaks.

"I did thank you, Charli insisted I came back for dinner, said you were already cooking for the two of you... I didn't want to intrude but now I see Ross is too, I don't feel as bad" she laughs and George almost flinches at her words and she wonders why. Until she hears the bearded man talk from behind her, immediately drawing her attention to him.

"What do you mean love? George invited me around for dinner about a week ago" Ross admits and her head snaps to George who now has a shit eating grin, smiling down at Charli. The little shits had planned this.

"No idea what you're talking about" George says as he backs away from them, going into his kitchen to grab some wine glasses.

Charli leads them back into the living room, smiling as Ross sits as close as humanly possible to y/n on the large sofa, plenty of space for them to sit further apart. She rolls her eyes at the black haired girl but the smirk doesn't fall from Charli's face.

"What did you two get up to? Look very lovely" Ross admits and she can't help but blush. She was used to him complimenting her when no one was around, but when Charli is sat opposite them, she can't help but blush deeply.

Ross didn't care that his crush was obvious, he wanted to say what was on his mind so he did. She wears a midi length black skirt with a slit that finishes at her mid thigh and a black crop top. He can't help but desperately want to place his hand on the skin that's revealed at her thigh.

"We had some drinks... Chatted" her answer is short, she felt a bit embarrassed that Charli was watching them and it seems the woman picks up on the vibe and she suddenly stands.

"I'm going to see if G needs help" she says, smiling as she leaves. Y/n let's out a sigh and Ross chuckles.

"This all feels a bit weird doesn't it?" Ross swings his arm around the back of the sofa, resting behind her head, hand curved and beginning to lightly play with her hair. It's the slightest touch but she can feel it and it has her eyes fluttering shut.

"It is..." She finally speaks, once her eyes have reopened and are now beaming into his.

"Missed you y'know...." His voice trails off, eyes wandering to his fingertips which hook into her hair, combing through the soft strands.

"It's only been two days Ross..." Despite her words she's missed him too and she must admit, being with him without the lingering (and slightly distracting) presence of Matty is a welcomed scenario. Her mind was less clouded, less foggy, her thoughts clearer and very much present, with him and him only. If only for this moment, this day.

"Still missed you" his confession has her smiling a small, soft smile. She knows she should be pulling back, should be moving away so his hand couldn't comb through her hair but she couldn't help it. She wanted this, wanted him and she knew if she didn't at least let these minor things happen (despite how ablaze they set her) she would probably combust with need for him.

He feels it too, the desire to be closer to her, to be touching her, to be doing something. But it feels easier to fight when he allows himself the simple pleasures, like playing with her hair, or hooking some strands behind her ear to reveal more of her face.

His hand drops from her hair just in time, returning to his lap as George and Charli return to the room, wine glasses in hand, the bottle resting in the crook of George's armpit.

"Don't drop that, it was expensive" she jokes, despite it being true.

"I know... I saw, shouldn't have done that Y/n, your company is enough" he says as he opens the bottle and pours four glasses, then sitting down next to Charli, hooking his arm tightly around her shoulders.

Ross looked at the couple and wanted nothing more to mirror them, to slide his arm back to its previous position but closer, feeling the warmth of her body against his as he half hugged her. But he couldn't.

"Take it as a thank you for everything you've done so far" she says and George smiles across at her.

"George showed me a few tracks, it sounds really good so far... think once it's released you'll be able to buy a lot more than just that wine' Charli says and y/n sees her expression change, eyes finding Ross' before she says more "don't see why it needs all three of the boys in the studio but with the way it's sounding it clearly works" she smirks at y/n who shakes her head at her. Picking up on what she was insuating... That Ross and Matty were just there for her.

She chooses to ignore her comment and speaks about something else instead "George showed me welcome to my island" she says with an eyebrow raise. She can't help but smile proudly as Charli smiles, clearly happy with the song and proud of it too. The girls had only spent the day with each other, the first time they truly had been alone together without their overlapping friendship groups present, but they felt closer already. She was already able to sense how Charli was feeling, what was going on in her mind and what plans she was scheming.

"It's really good... Hot" she says and George chuckles. Her eyes flick between the couple and she smirks as they share a look. One in which says, "fuck yeah it's hot". She feels jealous of the pair for a second and her eyes flick to Ross' who is smiling happily, clearly just happy to be there with them.

She can't help but wonder if the chemistry they shared so far, the buzz and the electricity, would lead to songs like that. Songs that reflected hot and passionate love. She thinks, if they let it, it could destroy all the fantasies they had built up in their head. She thinks it would be better than any of them, because it would be with him.

Charli notices the look that is on Y/n's face and when she finally turns back away from Ross, Charli raises her eyebrows at the girl.

George goes to check on the food but Charli stops him, insisting that her and y/n do it instead. As soon as they're in the kitchen, Charli is speaking in hushed tones, demanding an answer.

"What is going on with you two?" Her voice isn't harsh, it is accusing or angry, just curious.

"Nothing..." Y/ns voice trials off as she looks at her feet, her hands, anything to avoid her friends eye contact.

"Come on... With the tension in that room I'd say you'd been fucking for at least a week" Charli says and y/n cant help but hush her.

"You have?" She shakes her head, not trusting her voice "you want to" Charli says. Silence. For a beat, before:

"No char... We work together now, that's it... Nothing has happened and nothing will happen' she explains and Charli chuckles at the whole sentence, shaking her head. She was so in denial it was ridiculous.

"Yeah right... Look all I'm saying is you can cut the tension in that room with a knife... It's inevitable something is going to happen between you and instead of being in denial you could just let it happen... It might even turn out to be really good for you' she says before she walks off, leaving y/n in her kitchen, mouth agape and more confused than she had been the whole time whatever was going on had been going on for.

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They're all sat around George and Charli's dining table, their plates are empty and long gone into the dishwasher and their bellies are happily full of delicious food and wine. She sits with her hands against the edge of the table, trying to ignore Ross' arm which rests around the back of her chair as they all talk about various things, the current topic is touring and how much they think she'd love it.

"The buzz you get from the crowd really can't be explained... And when you can hear them screaming your lyrics back at you... It's really special" George explains and she smiles, nodding along.

"Doubt anyone will be singing our lyrics back to us... If we did join you on tour, that is" it's the first time someone's mentioned Jamie's idea since it was initially discussed. She was trying to avoid the topic at all costs, she knew the band would be doing it at this point, not that she had told them that yet. But she knew the band would sign to dirty hit and join the boys on tour, the offer was too good not to take up, and they had made the deal even more tempting.

But she didn't want to think about being on tour with them, she knew she could try fight whatever was happening with Ross whilst they were working together in the studio. But she also knew that if they were to spend every day traveling the world and performing on stages, together, she wouldn't be able to resist him.

As if he could read her mind, his arm drops from behind her head, landing in his own lap for two seconds before his large right hand moves and clamps around her thigh. It has the air tumbling from her mouth in a silent gasp which she manages to hide behind her glass of wine.

Her eyes never leave George who shakes his head at her words, his deep voice nearly making her jump as he says "once this record is released... I wouldn't be surprised if everyone knows the words" his optimism is refreshing and it would make her smile if it wasn't for Ross' hand holding onto her flesh.

His thumb grazes the skin, driving back and forth and sending her mind into a frenzy. This should not be happening, this should not be happening, this should not be happening she thinks.

His hand is warm but it still has goosebumps rising to the skin, her eyes flick down for a millisecond, so short neither Charli or George think anything of it. But it gives her just enough time to see if this was really happening or if she really had gone mad.

She hadn't.

Ross Macdonald, the guy she had been para-socially crushing on since her teenage years, had his large, calloused and veiny hand, clamped around her thigh. The thumb of which wouldn't stop moving, grazing skin, the nail scraping across flesh lightly, a gentle scratch that had a fire following in its wake.

His hand runs along her skin, dipping under the fabric of her skirt, the slit only revealed a slither of skin and he desperately needed more. His large hand moves under the fabric, forcing it slightly to the side, her tanned skin pricking up in goosebumps as it hits the cool air. She hears his breath falter and she tries her hardest not to react, but her core clenches around nothing and she swears, somehow he knows. He smirks and his eyes darken. Somehow, he knew.

His hand slips slightly further to the left, the fabric that was once budged to the side, covering her skin again. His hand slipping just so until his fingers are grazing the inner most part of her thigh. If he stretched out his hand she swore his pinky finger would graze her most intimate part. She clenches her thighs instinctively and she spots him smirking out of the corner of her eye. The little shit. He knew what he was doing and he was thriving off it.

Her eyes flick from Ross, to George and then to Charli. Somehow the whole scene wasn't obvious to the couple, but she started to feel slightly frustrated that he was daring to do it across from them. No matter how much she wanted it, in that moment, she was annoyed.

"I think I'm going to head home... Feeling tired" she lies. She stands then, his hand slipping from her flesh, the skin somehow pricking up more as it disappears. She still feels the ghost of his electric touch on her thigh, she still feels the warm sensation it ignited on her skin and in her stomach. She still feels him, everywhere. She has to get out of here, away from him, far, far away from him.

"I'll walk you, should probably make a move to" she hears Ross say but she doesn't meet his eyes. They all exchange goodbye hugs and Ross leads her out the door, hand on her back. Warmth, electricity, fire.

They begin walking, but he knows something is up when she walks faster than him, moving away from his embrace when he tries to hook an arm around her shoulders to keep her warm.

"Is something up?" He asks and she stops dead in her tracks, eyes flicking up towards him, rolling her eyes before walking ahead of him. Unbelievable, she thinks. She was unsure whether he was feigning ignorance or whether he truly believed he had done nothing wrong.

"Love wait" he says, hand finding her shoulder gently and pulling her to face him "talk to me" her arms cross over her chest, closing herself off to him. Not that it stops his hands clasping the top of her arms, running along the fabric of her coat, trying to soothe her and get her to speak to him.

"Come on y/n/n.... Please talk to me... What's wrong?" He asks but he thinks he knows the answer so he sighs.

"I overstepped didn't I... I'm sorry I just couldn't help myself, you're intoxicating y/n" he admits and she steps back, laughing one singular laugh to herself.

"You can't do that Ross!" She says, shaking her head at him, but smiling, a bit amused with the whole ordeal.

"Do what?" He asks innocently.

"Say stuff like that... Hold my thigh under the table... Look at me... Like that" she gestures towards him and he takes a step towards her, but doesn't reach out for her, no matter how hard he wants to.

"I'm sorry... I couldn't help myself... If you don't want that... If you don't want this just tell me love and I'll stop" she doesn't speak. She couldn't lie.

"Do you want this?" He asks and she sighs, a conflicted and unhappy sigh.

"No... Yes.. I don't know..." She sighs again, she wanted it, she wanted all of it, with him and so so badly it was tearing her apart.

"We can't Ross" she takes another step back from him and frowns sadly up at her. It was a battle between her head and her heart, her head screamed don't, it's not professional, it wouldn't be fair, whilst her heart screamed yes, begged her to go for it. Her heart was louder, making it harder to be rational.

"Okay... We won't. Leave it at that" he says, his voice slightly clipped. Her brain tells her, don't, but she still steps forward, hooking her arms around his waist and looking up at him, trying to get him to look down at her.

"Ross... Don't be like that" she says, and the man still avoids her eye contact.

"Ross... Please" the please is what gets him, accompanied by the nuzzle of her face against his shirt, it has him looking down at her immediately, one hand coming up to grasp her face in his hand, thumb soothing over her cheek.

"I'm sorry... I can't pretend I don't like you... Not anymore. I can't tip toe around how much I want you" he admits and she frowns up at him. She didn't want that at all. But they just couldn't. Because they were working together and because, no matter how much she tried to deny it, she also felt something towards Matty. Although unsure what it was just yet.

"I'm sorry too... But we can't" she says, stepping away once more.

"Okay..." His voice is less clipped this time, it comes out clear and soft, but sad. He still hooks and arm around her shoulder, attempting to keep her warm.

"Let me walk you home" he says and they do, pretty much in near silence. The walk is short, far shorter than she had realised, she had lived so close to George for so long and never even knew. She wonders what would've happened if their paths had crossed sooner, would he have introduced her to the guys, or would it have been a matter of "my girlfriend knows you" and that be it?

She couldn't imagine her life without them now. Without Matty... Without Ross. Especially without Ross.

They stop outside her house, she stands on the top step as he waits at the middle, hand now clasped in hers. Two sad smiles resting on their faces. They couldn't. He had to keep telling himself that, just to stop himself leaning up and kissing her.

"Listen Ross..." He interrupts her.

"It's okay... I understand, we can't, it wouldn't be right..." the words coming from his mouth instead of her make her want to cry. She wanted to believe he didn't really think that, that he was just saying it to appease her. But she didn't know. She didn't know how badly he wanted to just say fuck it and kiss her senseless, she didn't know how ever since she stepped foot into his life all he's been able to think about is her, her laugh, her smile, her voice, her touch, her lips.

"I can't lose you though Ross.... Not now" she admits and he shakes his head and smiles up at her.

"No chance" he says and she smiles widely. Good, she thinks, that's good.

"Now go before I change my mind" he jokes but the words open that door again and she doesn't care to shut it, leaving it cracked.

Even with her on a higher step he's taller than her, so she wraps her arms around his middle and hugs him, loving the way he squeezes her, just the same as before.

"Please go... Dont make this harder for me" he admits. They both realise how much has been said tonight, how much has been admitted and they would both blame it on the glasses of wine.

"Okay... I'm going, goodnight Ross' she says, leaning down and pressing her lips to his cheek before opening her door and walking inside. Her lips had just grazed the skin but she still felt the stubble against her lips whilst he felt warmth spread across the skin, taking over all of him.

Her back finds the door, sliding down it, head falling against it with a light thud. What the fuck? She thinks, why did you kiss him on the cheek? Jesus woman if you say you can't, you can't, she thinks.

On the other side of the door, Ross stands with his mouth agape, cheek warming even more and quickly too, still feeling the barely there touch of her lips, hand hovering over the wood, knuckles grazing the door, ready to knock if his body would allow it.

The door would open and she'd gasp as his hand would find her waist, tugging her towards him, his strong hands stopping her from falling.

She try to protest, to stop it, he'd mumble a "just shut up a kiss me" she'd laugh and he'd smile and then he'd lean down slowly and kiss her, their lips would touch and... Fireworks. Just like the movies.

But this wasn't the movies, this was real life. And the real life Ross turns and walks home. The real life y/n walks up her stairs, enters her room, gets changed and goes to bed.

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The door swings open and he's there, standing on the top step leading to her house, he's standing in her door way, one hand placed against the frame, chest heaving as he breathes in and out deeply. Did he run here? She's clad in little pyjama bottoms and an oversized jumper, not Matty's this time but hers and he smiles to himself realising she's clad in an old band jumper, his bands jumper. Nothing could ruin this, not even the thought of Matty.

"Ross! What are you doing here?" She hears her voice but it doesn't sound like her, it's airier, softer, more perfect than hers. But it's her, her in a worn the 1975 jumper that is still way too big for her, her with her hair down, flying all about the place, her with her blushing cheeks, staring up at the large man, who's brown orbs are completely unwavering from hers. When he finally speaks it's him, it's exactly how he sounds, no different from how it usually is.

"I got all the way home and I realised how much of an idiot I am... I can't not do this y/n, I can't. I'm sorry" she doesn't know what he means for a second but then he's there, stepping into the threshold of her house, grasping her waist and tugging her towards him, bodies colliding. His breath doesn't falter, still as heavy and as bated as when he first arrived.

Her breath on the other hand - it gets caught in her throat, the feeling of his hands clutching her waist with a vice like grip, not allowing her to budge in the slightest, no room for "we cants", no room to stop it from happening. Not that she would, not this y/n.

"I need it so bad y/n please" he says, his eyes are flicking between her mouth and lips constantly and suddenly she's breathing again, heavy and bated like his.

"I need you like I need air" his confession makes her feel dizzy, but it feels so good, her head spinning in a way that has her smiling a love-drunk smile.

"Did you run here?" Her voice is quiet, too quiet, too impacted by him, as if she was to speak louder it would ruin the moment.

He nods his head and she feels his lips barely graze hers and they break. They both break. It's not clear who pushes forward first, or if it's him tugging her just ever so slightly that her lips are forced to touch his. They just touch at first, held against each other for a second before he pushes himself forward one more centimeter, lips now pressed firmly against hers. The way he takes in her bottom lip, molding perfectly against his, is heaven. She didn't know what was wrong or right in the world, it being full of doubt and blurred lines, everyone had an opinion on everything... But this, this kiss, was right.

This was meant to happen. They were meant to happen. The way they moved perfectly against each other, they were destined for each other. Not that she believed in that and neither did he. But there, in that moment, with Ross' tongue running along her bottom lip and easily making it's way into her mouth to find hers, they believed in fate and destiny and soul mates and "the one".

She grips the collar of his shirt and his hand tugs against her waist. She leans into him, standing on her tip toes to reach his mouth, they separate for a second, breathe and their mouths realign, tongues dancing against each other. They sigh, they tug, they touch, they take and take and take, taking everything they've ever wanted from each other. It's bliss, it's heaven, it's -

A phone buzzes behind her, they break away, she looks around to find it, but she can't... It's not there, it's not behind her or in her pocket, she looks up at the man who was just kissing her, he's blurry but he's smiling. That gorgeous smile, with those too cute creases by his eyes and those too deep dimples by the corners of his lips, those lips she swears were just against hers. He smiles that smile that tugs at her heartstrings, that demands attention, that makes every fibre of her being flood with him.

"Better answer that love" he says and then he fades away, she reaches for him, but the more she reaches the further he gets. He's gone.

He's gone.

She's waking, arm stretching out to find the annoying buzzing of her phone. That's when she realises, it was a dream. She doesn't look at who's calling her, knowing who the culprit would be. She answers with a quiet, tired "hello" only to be greeted by a cheerful "Ello love!". A smile appears on her face even through her sleep induced state. An automatic reaction, a pavlovian response. That shouldn't happen. Not with him.

She doesn't ask why he's up at such an ungodly hour, or why he's calling her, or why he sounds so cheery. She just smiles as he begins talking about some record she should listen to. She checks the time, 1:45am, she officially went all of 18 hours without Matty clouding her mind, clouding her vision.

She was so focused on Ross, despite knowing she couldn't go there.

But there he is again, the curly haired man making things way too difficult and confusing for her.

"You there love?" He says at one point when he realises he's been speaking for far too long and she hasn't spoken since the single hello she uttered when she answered the phone.

Love

Oh god

She's fucked.

"Yeah... The Japanese House... Tell me about them" she says, proving to him that she was listening.

"Amber she's been my friend for years and g and I worked on this record with them, him more than me but it's sick and I really think you'd like it, comes out soon" he explains and she nods even though he couldn't see her. She places her head on her pillow, allowing her eyes to shut as he continued talking to her.

"You're tired... I'm sorry, I should let you go" he says but she mumbles a "no, don't" and he continues talking, his voice quieter, softer, allowing her to get lost in it, slowly falling back asleep with him the other side of the phone.

"goodnight love... Sweet dreams" she hears him say before she's fast asleep, she's unsure whether he hangs up or if she just drops the phone. But she's too far gone to care, back to her dreams, taken up by Ross, but now Matty is there too, the two of them clouding her mind, making things complicated and confusing but unbelievably blissful.

She lets herself live in that dream, with both of them. She doesn't worry about what she should or shouldn't be doing. This Y/n just does, and the amazing thing about it, is, this Matty, this dream Matty and this dream Ross, they allow it. They share her. It's perfect, but it's just a dream.

She's rudely awakened by her doorbell ringing, she swears as she pulls herself out of her bed, murmuring a "sorry" when she hears multiple groans and shouts of "shut up" coming from the rooms of her bandmates. She runs to the door, opening it and finding a delivery man there, a small bunch of flowers in one hand and a square shape thin package in the other.

She thanks the man, taking both items and closing the door behind her, walking into her kitchen to put the flowers in a glass, they're a mixture of pink, orange and yellow tulips: her favourite. She reads the note attached to the flowers "remembered these were your favourite, sorry about yesterday - Ross" his handwriting is slightly messy but she loves it, she notices he had written the word "your" before Ross but scribbled it out and she can't help but smile. He could've easily rewritten the note but he didn't, he had wanted her to see this.

She then finds the other parcel, another note attached to it, reading "In The End It Always Does by The Japanese House, let me know what you think, love Matty x".

She can't believe these two parcels arrived at exactly the same time, she swears the universe has it out of her, some wicked twist of fate, constantly putting her in confusing situations. She wonders how Matty had found the record so late at night, he must've already had spare copies lying about, it was the only reasonable explanation, especially when she remembers him saying it wasn't out yet.

Both gifts are unbelievably thoughtful but they make her mind foggier, so she leaves both items on the kitchen counter, throwing away both notes and she returns to her bedroom, willing away both the men from her mind, if not for a few hours.

She needed a break from both of them, that much was clear.

(7) Hate Missing You

© all lyrics are written and owned by yours truly (let's ignore the fact they're not that good but yeah) no stealing hehe

[tillthelandslide]

You're Not Alone - Ross Macdonald Fluff

A/n: I'm sad about being alone so have this self indulgent short fic and also this is the first time Im writing "I" and it feels weird. P.s k have not proofread it , love Lou

I nuzzle my head further into his chest, feeling the way his strong arms weave themselves further over my frame. One hand clamps around my waist and squeezes gently, reassuringly. The other rests against the back of my head, sometimes opting to smooth over my hair, sometimes his fingertips thread through the strands, massaging my scalp until my eyes flutter closed, in bliss.

His chest is soft beneath me and his warmth spreads through my entire body, setting me comfortably ablaze. He wears an old band tee, and my lips occasionally find the skin there, pressing softly and hearing the way he hums above me, feeling the way it rumbles in his chest and vibrates against my lips.

"I love you so much, you know that?" I hear him say and i move my head upwards until I can see his face. He smiles a soft, simple smile down at me and I press my hands flat against either side of his waist, pressing slightly until I can reach his mouth. His lips move gently against mine and I feel home.

"I love you too Ross" he smiles at my words, all teeth and dimples and creased eyes. The thing I loved most about him.

"I think you look so pretty when you smile" I admit and I can't help but thrive off the way he blushes at my words.

"You do huh?" He smirks and I smirk back, nodding and making him sigh contently.

"I don't feel alone anymore" I admit and his smile drops, he looks down at me intently, fondly. As if the thought that I was once felt alone, makes him sad. One hand drifts from the back of my head to my jaw, his thumb drifting along my cheekbones.

"Hate that you ever felt like that..." His voice trails off and he frowns. I hate seeing him like that. Ross who I loved to see smile and laugh and tease and joke.

"Not anymore though..."

"Tell me about it" he says hand drifting back to mg hair to sooth me. I loved him exactly for this, for wanting to hear about everything, wanting to know all of me.

"I always saw my friends with people who loved them... They always had boyfriends or partners and I felt alone... Always wondered why I didn't have that... Thinking I didn't deserve it" he shakes his head at my words, wordlessly disagreeing with my words but his face shows me that he accepts that's how I thought.

"Until I met you... You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Ross and I love you so much" he smiles at this, leaning down and kissing me again.

"Ditto love... Love you so much... And you're never alone, not with me... Yeah?" He asks and I smile and nod.

"Yeah... I'm not alone anymore"

[tillthelandslide]

Same For You (9) Our Secret Sneak Peak 👀

Series Masterlist

Same For You (8) Studio Sessions

Taglist: @scooby-doodoo @thereisaplaceintheheart @theoriginalwhatsername @eaglestar31 @thefrontofmymind @fallingforel @partoftheairforce @procrastinatinglikeapro @poisonmedaddy13 @xthe1975 @all-things-fic @jstbeeingme @rossgirly @juliardk @you-muppet (add yourself using the link in my bio 😊)

"I shouldn't be able to feel your skin against mine right now" he says, curling his hand slightly, fingertips moving against the bottom of her top, against her stomach, she feels the knuckles graze her belly button and she gasps.

"I shouldn't be hearing those pretty little noises come from you and I definitely shouldn't be wanting to kiss you' he says and she nods again, lips grazing his again. Except this time she slows when her head moves back down, lips properly grazing his now.

"Stop me..." He demands but she can't.

"Please y/n stop me... Because if I kiss you I'm afraid I won't be able to stop" he says, lips touching hers with every word, yet they still hadn't properly kissed

[tillthelandslide]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ONE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVES, A CONSTANT SUPPORT AND AN AMAZING FRIEND @xthe1975

This is for you....

You woke up pretty early, the warm sun peaking through the curtains of your shared room. You feel the familiar arms of Ross pull you tighter, face pressed into your neck, lips slowly trailing sleepily across the skin.

"Happy birthday love" he mumbles, his deep morning voice making you smile but also making your stomach clench.

"Thank you sweetheart" you say, liking the way he woke slightly more at the sound of your voice, loving the way his head snapped up and he smiled at you.

"I've got the whole day planned... But first" he leans down slowly, capturing your lips in his in a passionate kiss, neither of you caring about morning breath "I'm going to show the birthday girl how much I love her" he speaks, lips back at yours the first instance they get.

He softly makes love to you, truly showing you how much he loves you before he leaves you to shower. When you're finally finished you find him downstairs, cooking your favourite breakfast.

You watch as he hooks, hair tied up in a bun now and his hips swap slightly to the music he's put on. You couldn't get happier that he's here, home for tour, and determined to make your birthday the best it could be.

You eat the delicious food, and he has to practically force you to sit down whilst he cleans everything up. You begin opening some cards without him, just of some friends and colleagues. He's eventually back at your side, sitting in your living room, and he pulls you into his lap, watching over your shoulder as you read the cards.

He hands you a big card, little messages from all the band, practically everyone behind the scenes of the tour and everyone who he works with. The little messages from the boys make you smile widely and tear up slightly.

"Happy birthday love! Thanks for putting up with us crazy lot, much love - M xxx -p.s glad Ross will be with you for your birthday, he's been a nightmare"

Mattys words makes you chuckle lightly and lean back to press a quickly kiss to Ross' mouth.

"Happy birthday you legend! Party hard and drink lots, hope you like the gift Charli and I got for you! Love g x". Ross then hands you a gift and you open it to find some beautiful jewelry which makes you smile, you put it on immediately.

"Happy birthday from baby Hann, Carly and Hann, we love you! Have the best day, you deserve it"

You slowly read all the other messages, from the likes of Charli, Jamie Oborne, John, Polly, Gabi and lots others.

"Ready for mine now?" He smiles excitedly and it makes you excited. He briefly leaves before coming back with way too many presents and a big card.

You open the card, revealing lots of pictures of the two of you, safe to say you immediately tear up, you open it and see paragraphs which makes you giggle.

"Is this going to make me cry Ross?" You ask and he laughs.

"Possibly...." He holds you tightly as you read his words.

"My love, I had to get this big card as I have a lot to say. Firstly, happy birthday my girl. I hope you have the best day because you truly deserve it. God knows you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, no words will ever be enough, no words will ever truly describe what you mean to me. You are my everything and I love you so much. You deserve the world and hopefully today I can bring you even half the happiness you bring me" he writes and it makes you cry, turning to find your lips.

He's then written his favorite memories of yours and his relationship so far, each makes you smile widely, and lots of kisses and hugs are shared.

You then spend the rest of the day with Ross, doing everything you love, eating everything you love and want to eat and Ross never leaves you side. In the evening he surprises you with all your friends, family and the guys coming round.

It's the perfect birthday.

Note: sorry this was a bit shit. I hope you've had the best day, just know how much you mean to me, I love you I