#they never have to be worried cuz they sleep with the biggest weapon around

[beautyofattolia]

Xavier: I sleep with a bow under my pillow.

Bianca: I sleep with a knife.

Tyler: Both of you are pathetic. 

Xavier: Oh yeah? What do you sleep with?

Tyler: Wednesday.

[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Words: 4,577 Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader Reader pronouns: she/her Era: Alexandria Warnings: Language, mentions of abuse, violence, sexuality, nudity, typical TWD A/N: STUFF. IS. HAPPENING! A/N: This is part of a series! Find the previous parts on the Masterlist! Summary: The Hilltop and Alexandria are well into preparations for the war against the Saviors, and someone goes missing.

Your name: submit What is this?

A couple weeks later

It had been an eventful couple of weeks. Alexandria and Hilltop were well into preparations for the first hammer blows to fall against the Saviors, but the Kingdom, the latest community Jesus had introduced you to, had just decided to join in the fight after shit went sideways. You and Daryl had stayed there for a few days to help before heading back to Hilltop. The biggest relief was finding Carol safe and sound, although changed from how both you and Daryl remembered her. You knew it was weighing on the archer, but there was simply too much to do to spend more time there and try to figure out exactly what was going on...

The intel from Dwight so far had been untested but consistent. He was keeping you all apprised of the Saviors movements and what Negan seemed to be focused on. There had been some concern after the discovery of the bodies that you and Daryl had been responsible for out by the survivalist cache, but the Saviors seemed to think it was a chance one-off skirmish with some other group and no more heat had come your way. Of course, Negan continued to pressure and terrorize Rick and Alexandria, but they had been able to keep him placated so far with supplies. But that wasn’t going to last forever, and it was almost time to kick the hornets’ nest.

The fine weather, moderate temperatures and ample sunshine, were in harsh contrast to the anxiety and worry plaguing you as you all prepared for a war that you were sure would result in heavy losses. That particular day, Daryl found you down by the armory, helping to sort and finish weapons that had just come from the blacksmith. His tall frame darkened the doorway, and although Daryl was well aware of how worried you were, you still always had a smile for him. He stopped and leaned on the table across from you, drinking in the sight. “Hey.”

“Hey. What’s up?” you asked, setting aside some broadhead arrows.

“Ya still wanna do that pick-up from the ammo cache today?” he asked.

You nodded. “I think we have to.”

He straightened up and nodded. “Yeah. I think so too. I’ll get the gear and my bike. Ya about done here?” he asked.

“Done. Let me just drop these few off to be sharpened. I’ll meet you down by the gate.”

Daryl nudged his nose up in a nod and headed to your trailer to collect the gear you would need. He was just about done, zipping up his pack, when he heard hurried footsteps coming up to the door, followed by urgent knocking.

Daryl spun and rushed to open it. Jesus was standing on the top step looking deeply concerned. “I think we might have a problem,” he said.

_ _ _ _ _ _

“Well, when was the last time anybody saw the little weasel?” you asked, pacing the length of the trailer anxiously. Maggie, Sasha, and Enid were gathered too.

“That’s what I mean. I’m not even sure,” Jesus said. “He’s just been holing up in his office drinking lately. By the time I realized he wasn’t around anywhere I couldn’t even tell how long he’d been gone.”

Daryl let out a low growl. “We shoulda locked his ass up. Guarantee he’s runnin’ off to find some Saviors,” he roared.

Jesus looked dumbfounded. “I never thought he’d actually try something like this. He’ll be lucky if they don’t kill him.”

You rubbed your hands over your face and shut your eyes for a moment. “It doesn’t matter. We can’t go back and stop him, if that’s really what he’s up to. The only thing we can do now is prepare for what’s going to happen.” You met Daryl’s eyes. “Our timeline just accelerated. We need to get word to the Kingdom and Alexandria ASAP.”

Daryl nodded gravely, a shadow over his narrowed blue eyes. “Did he know ‘bout that radio of theirs we’ve got?”

“No. He definitely didn’t,” Jesus said.

“Well, at least there’s that,” Maggie said. “I’ll handle gettin’ the volunteers here all armed and come up with a final defense plan. I’m sure they’re gonna be knockin’ sooner rather than later.”

Sasha shook her head, anger plain on her face. “I’ll set extra watches on the wall. Thank God we didn’t cut him in on our plans.”

“Yeah,” Daryl agreed, straightening up. “Never trusted the bastard. If I see him, he’s a dead man. We’ve got one thing goin’ for us at least. They’re gonna think we ain’t armed or prepared at all. They’re gonna think they’ll be surprising us, but they’re wrong.”

Jesus sighed heavily. “I’ll contact Rick and The Kingdom and then stay glued to that radio. If I hear anything, anything at all, I’ll make the rounds.”

You all had your plans and you watched as everyone cleared out of the trailer. Daryl turned to see you frozen and your face dark with worry.

He moved around the table and stopped in front of you, his hands reflexively landing gently on your hips. “Hey. This ain’t it. It ain’t over,” he said.

You nodded and met his blue eyes. “I know. That’s what scares me. It’s just starting. All the—all the death and destruction is coming. It’s like being on a set of train tracks with a locomotive bearing down and nowhere to go.” Your eyes turned downward, but not fast enough to hide the glassiness in them.

“Hey.” Daryl gently clasped your face and your wide eyes met his again. “Everything is gonna be alright.”

“You don’t know that…”

Daryl nodded and brushed a strand of your hair away from your face. “Ya. I do. ‘Cuz we’ve been makin’ these plans, and they’re all good. Smart. It’s like ya said. Timeline gets bumped up, but they ain’t winnin’. And I will do everything I have to, to keep ya safe. You and every one of our people.”

There was still some seed of doubt in your eyes, but your fear seemed to have diminished some and you nodded before looping your arms around his neck and hugging him against you tightly. Daryl sank into you, breathing in the semi-sweet scent of your hair and smoothing his hands over your back. “I’ve got you,” you murmured into the crook of his neck. Even despite the bad news, Daryl couldn’t help but smile.

“Mhm. And I got ya.” He was still bewildered by your constancy and how each of you seemed to carry the other when you most needed it. It was a give and take he had hardly known in his life. There were no strings attached, no deals or bargaining. You were just there.

The rest of the evening was chaotic as you rushed around preparing for what could come at any moment, but it was almost midnight and still there was no word over the radio that the Saviors were moving.

“If he went on foot, he won’t be anywhere near the closest Savior outpost until tomorrow. And that’s assuming he somehow manages to survive,” Jesus said.

You glanced toward the gate and the inky blackness beyond. “Closest ones we know about…” you said quietly.

Daryl shifted a little anxiously, your worry being his. “Jesus is right though. We best try and get some sleep while we can. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.”

You sighed, but Daryl saw you soften. “Yeah.” You placed a friendly hand on Jesus’ shoulder. “Wake us up if you hear a single peep over that radio.”

He gave you a tight smile and nodded. “You got it. Goodnight.”

“Night,” Daryl drawled, falling into stride behind you back to the trailer. He shut the door behind himself and simply watched you drifting about the space for a moment, getting ready for bed. You felt his eyes on you and paused, turning to read his expression.

“What are you thinking?” you asked the archer.

He shrugged and drifted toward you. “Nothin’. Tryin’ not to.”

You nodded and turned to face him, unable to stand the space between you any longer. You pushed the curtain of dark hair framing his face out of eyes and gently rested your hand lightly along his jaw. “You’re so strong, Daryl. Whatever else happens, I at least know you’re gonna come through this just fine. Hell, you’ll probably be the one to put Negan in the ground.”

“Hey.” He grabbed your hand in both of his, and marveled at how small and fragile it felt, despite how strong he knew you were too. “ What’d I tell ya? We are gonna be just fine.” He pressed your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. You smiled at the forcefulness of his assertion followed by the tenderness of his action afterwards. “C’mon. Let’s at least try and catch a little sleep.” He tilted his head in the direction of the bed and you were eager to comply, falling down heavily with your head on the pillow. Daryl moved behind you until he could press his body against you. This time he was the one who moved until he could tangle his legs with yours. He draped an arm over your waist and his fingers tickled against the bare skin of your side, exposed by the way your t-shirt was draping. His hand suddenly sought more of that contact, pressing lightly, skin to skin.

You smiled at the sensation and your heart raced a little with him seeking that intimacy.

“S’this alright?” he asked softly, his breath tickling your ear.

“Mhm,” you hummed, smoothing your hand over the back of his and pulling him more tightly against you. You shut your eyes and breathed out your tension. You felt Daryl relaxing against you too, and despite all the fear and anxiety of the day, you both were soon fast asleep, feeling safe and like you were safely at home.

_ _ _ _ _ _

By the time the sun was up, you and Daryl were both awake and busy. And it wasn’t long before Jesus came striding up with a grave expression on his face, the radio in his hand. You felt your stomach twist. “What is it? Are they coming?”

He only nodded. “They’re moving out this afternoon.”

“To where?” Daryl asked gruffly. “Just here?”

“I think so,” Jesus said. “I haven’t heard any mention of Alexandria. But if Gregory did make it and did spill everything he knows, they’ll be heading there eventually.”

You felt like the wind had been knocked out of you for a brief moment before you steeled yourself again. You brought forward the image of your brother in your mind. You thought of the workers trapped in the Sanctuary with no way out, of Negan’s ‘wives’, of everything he had done to Daryl and to you and countless others… And your fear and anxiety didn’t dissipate, but it took a backseat to determination and anger. You gulped. “Fine. Good. Let them come. We’re ready.”

Daryl felt a swell of admiration for you and he nodded. “We are. That’s what all these plans have been for.” He glanced back at you, knowing you weren’t going to like the next thing he was going to say. “I gotta go check the drop-off location. Dwight might have more info,” he drawled.

A shadow darkened your expression. “What? Now? Daryl, they’re headed our way!”

“I gotta check. It was the plan. He’d get us word if shit was kicking off.”

You shook your head. “No. I don’t like it. You’re gonna go out there? What if—what if you can’t get back in time. What if—”

Jesus seemed to sense that the two of you needed a moment. “I’ll go start spreading the word, get everyone to their assignments.” He rushed off, leaving you behind staring at Daryl with renewed worry.

“Daryl, you can’t—”

He gulped, admittedly not liking the idea of separating from you while you were all seemingly standing on the threshold of potentially the hardest fight of your lives. But he had to go. He had to check. What if there was information waiting that would save lives? What if the Saviors somehow had found out you had that radio and this was going to be misdirection? “I gotta go. This was the plan.”

“Fine, then I’m coming with you!”

“Nah. Ya can’t. Everybody needs ya here. There’s too much to do to get ready.” He paused to read your expression. You looked pissed. “Ya know I’m right.”

You were wrestling with another upwelling of fear. But this was Daryl. He was a warrior. And he needed to do this. It wasn’t fair for you to try and selfishly keep him behind the walls with you when there could be critical information waiting out there. You sighed and shut your eyes for a moment and nodded. “Okay… alright.” You pointed at him vehemently. “But you come back in one piece, Daryl Dixon! I mean it!”

He couldn’t help but smile a little at you. Your tone reminded him of so many times you had scolded him for ignoring an injury or being stubborn. He nudged his nose up at you. “I will. I’ll come back to ya. Promise.”

Your anxiety wasn’t relieved but you nodded. “Okay… Come here,” you said, your tone softened.

That was all Daryl needed. He paced over to you, chewing his bottom lip a little thoughtfully, and just waited for your touch. Your hands rested lightly on his sides and you looked up and met his blue eyes.

“I mean it. Come back.”

“Mm,” he hummed. “I will.” His arms looped around your lower back and pulled you against him. He watched, still amazed every time, as you shut your eyes and arched up onto your toes so your lips met his. Your kiss was gentle and soft at first, but he deepened it, tangling his fingers in your hair and relished the way your lips moved effortlessly with his, the taste of you and feel of you all he needed. When you finally broke apart, your eyes stayed linked with is for a long moment.

“Be careful,” was all you could whisper. Daryl nodded and slipped from you, heading for his bike by the gate. You crossed your arms over your chest like a shield, still feeling the ghost of his hands and lips on you, and watched his broad shoulders until they disappeared.

_ _ _ _ _ _

You purposely kept yourself so busy you hardly had a moment to think while Daryl was outside the walls. You were stocking ammo at strategic locations around Hilltop when Maggie came bounding up to you with a relieved smile.

“He’s back,” she said.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you had been holding since he left. You nodded and murmured a thank you, before glancing at the pile of supplies you were sorting. She laughed. “I got it. Go on,” she said kindly, taking your place.

You reached him as he was climbing off his bike and Daryl gave you a smile that made your heart jump. “How’d it go?” you asked, nervous to hear what info he had, if any.

“No problems. Couple walkers,” he said with a shrug.

“And nobody saw you? And you didn’t see anyone?” He shook his head.

“Not that I know of. I was careful,” he drawled. “Got somethin’ though.” His tone changed. There was tension in his voice and it made the gravel more pronounced.

You felt your throat constrict with nerves. “Okay. What is it?”

Daryl pulled out a small piece of paper, left in the agreed upon location by Dwight. “He’ll be here.”

“Negan,” you said. It wasn’t a question

Daryl nodded. “Mhm,” he hummed. He looked about how you felt. Determined, disgusted, and angry.

You nodded. “Okay. So, he’ll be here. So, what? Doesn’t change anything,” you said. Daryl was watching you carefully, worried with the realization that this would be the first time you’d have to see him since busting out of the Sanctuary. It would be like if his own father suddenly showed up at the gates. It would be understandable if you were a bit apprehensive or shaken up at the idea. But instead, to his continued amazement, you just looked pissed. Maybe you were trying to hide how much it was affecting you, but Daryl couldn’t see anything other than determined anger. He licked his lips a little nervously and nodded. “They ain’t comin’ to fight. This time. They’re comin’ to give us a chance to give up. Probably think that once we realize Gregory has snitched that we’ll fold.”

You scoffed. “Not gonna happen.”

Daryl glanced down at the paper in his hands one more time. “They’re goin’ to Alexandria tomorrow. Same thing. After that, they’ll get ready to fight us if we don’t give up.”

You nodded. “I guess it’s really starting then.”

Daryl nodded. “Yeah.” He reached out and laced his fingers with yours. “But we’re ready.”

_ _ _ _ _ _

“I don’t understand why we’re here to chat instead of hitting them before they know what’s coming,” Simon said vehemently, matching Negan’s long strides as they approached the heavy wooden gate to Hilltop.

Negan turned a piercing glare to his lieutenant. “People. Are. A resource,” he growled. “Dead people don’t work for me, do they, Simon? They don’t gather supplies. They don’t work in the Sanctuary. They don’t do a damn thing except rot in the sun or feed the dead, do they? There is a goddamn good reason why I am in charge instead of you. And this is the last time I’m going to remind you of that. In fact you should be grateful you aren’t out on the fence after all of this was happening right under your oversized nose.” The look on his face was dangerous, vicious, his lip almost curling.

Simon hung his thumbs in his belt and averted his gaze down toward his boots. “Right. Sorry.” But he was biting back anger.

“Don’t question me again,” Negan growled, pointing at Simon with his trusty sidekick, the barbed-wire wrapped baseball bat he called Lucille. Negan of course knew that all of you inside knew he was already there, but he raised a cheerful sounding hello at the gate. “Hello! The Saviors are here!”

Two guards appeared over the top of the fence, glaring down at the convoy of trucks and assembled men. “Ah, there we go. Would you mind opening the gates and letting us in?” Negan asked, keeping his manufactured charm thick.

“We won’t be letting you in. Not today. And not ever again.” This was a new voice, and Sasha appeared over the top of the fence now too, her trusty rifle clutched in hand.

Negan laughed and grinned up at her. “Oh, I remember you,” he said. “Well, is there someone else here I could have a civilized conversation with? There are some very important matters that need discussing.”

“Everyone in here will tell you the same thing,” Sasha spat back at him. “And that’s ‘Go to Hell.””

There was a quick flash of rage in Negan’s eyes, like a lightning bolt, but it was gone immediately and replaced with another charming smile. He laughed loudly. “Oh, come on, now! I know just who you have in there that I would just love to talk to! WHERE’S MY DARYL AT?!” he roared. “Little pig, little pig, let me come in!”

Sasha only glared down at Negan in disgust.

“Huh. Not very friendly, are they, Simon?”

“Not friendly at all, Negan,” Simon answered.

“I don’t know what you think you’re hiding back there,” Negan said, gesturing toward the gate with Lucille. “Because I have all the inside information I could possibly want courtesy of one of yours.” Negan snapped his fingers. “Dwight! Bring my best friend Gregory out here!”

Gregory was pushed forward through the crowd and Dwight grabbed his elbow and led him forward.

“You see, Gregory here has already told me that The Hilltop and Alexandria are working together. And I know that there are some more of you Alexandrians hiding out here while Rick the Prick is back there plotting my downfall with enthusiasm. But the thing is you can’t win. We are better prepared, and better supplied, and there are simply more of US. So, I thought we’d come on down here and give you one. last. chance. to do the right thing and fall back in line.” He paused and looked thoughtful, keeping up his charming, amiable act up until this very last part. “Because if you don’t, we will rain death and hellfire down on you. And believe me when I say that I do not want to do that. But I will.”

You and Daryl were backed up against the outer wall on the guard stand, right beside Sasha, keeping out of sight. But Daryl saw just a split second before you did it that you were barely keeping your anger in check.

“Y/N—Don’t—” he whispered harshly.

But you couldn’t just hide anymore. You stood up and peered over the wall, immediately meeting Negan’s eyes.

You were surprised to see that he looked surprised. “We’re not taking any more of your bullshit, Negan. You’re done. This is your last chance to walk away.”

But instead of responding to what you were saying, Negan was simply peering at you for a long moment before he resumed his usual persona. “You have got to be kidding me! Y/N? My wife is with you people?” He clicked his tongue and clenched his jaw. “Ain’t that just a kick in the crotch? And here I was thinking that you just took advantage of the chaos of my Daryl breaking out to escape again… You always were the type to get restless. But it seems maybe I need reevaluate that chain of events!”

Negan seized the back of Gregory’s neck hard and yanked him forward. “You know, it’s funny, because I specifically remember asking for the names of everyone hiding out in Hilltop and Y/N, your name, never came up,” he growled.

Gregory was shaking from head to toe. “I—I’m sorry! I got her name wrong! I didn’t remember—”

Negan looked like he was ready to strangle Gregory when your laughter broke through his pleading. Negan’s eyes shot back to your face. “That should give you some idea of the quality of information you’re working with from him. You might want to rethink things,” you said, leaning on the top of the fence casually, like you were discussing the weather.

You knew that if there was one thing Negan hated more than anyone defying him, it was being made to look weak.

He ran his thumb thoughtfully over his bottom lip as he stared up at you.

“You cocky little bitch,” Simon suddenly drew his pistol and pointed it straight at you.

You didn’t even flinch, but Sasha and the two other guards all had their guns to their shoulders and aimed right back at Simon.

Negan was furious as he turned toward his lieutenant. Simon felt Negan’s eyes like they were burning a hole in his skull and he waivered. Negan spoke to him through a growl. “Put your goddamn gun down. Now. I told you, she comes back to me alive.” Simon lowered his gun.

You felt your stomach twist. You weren’t sure whether Negan had meant for it to be heard or not, but the effect on you was an instantaneous, overwhelming sick feeling. You managed to keep your expression blank, but you knew that if Negan did ever get you back alive, you would be in for a fate worse than death.

Daryl’s hands landed lightly on your hips from behind and he gently pulled you slightly back, stepping forward, protectively putting his body in front of yours, glaring Negan down.

Negan noticed and it was like he suddenly flipped a switch back to his old persona. He grinned and chuckled. “Daryl, Daryl, Daryl…” He took in how close the two of you were standing, how Daryl was guarding you, and he realized… “So, what’s this? You two? You’re together? Really? Daryl, you and Y/N? I mean, I don’t know, but that doesn’t seem to make any sense to me.” He chuckled again as he watched Daryl’s chest heave with angry breaths.

“Wow. Alright. I don’t get it but, hey, some women like dumpster diving.” You watched Daryl’s entire body tense and you laced your fingers with his, resting your other hand on his arm, wishing more than anything that you could just shoot Negan in the fucking head right at that moment.

Negan knew what effect he was having on Daryl. He saw it. And he went on, grinning. “Did she tell you about all the things we did together? Dirty, dirty things…” He bit his bottom lip and cultivated a starry-eyed and vague smile on his face, remembrance. “And she is either a fantastic actress, or she was having just as much fun as I was, because I really didn’t have to do any convincing. I mean, she is good… I still dream about it and wake up rock hard…” he trailed off, grinning widely as he saw your face burning with anger and humiliation. You couldn’t help but be extremely aware of the fact that the entire Hilltop community was standing right behind the gate, listening to every word exchanged. You felt like you’d just been outed. Daryl shifted uncomfortably, his fist clenching.

“Oh my God,” Negan laughed, his eyebrows lifting. “Don’t tell me you two haven’t fucked yet?” He chewed his bottom lip, nodding, knowing exactly how much this was torturing both of you. “Oh, Daryl. You don’t know what you’re missing! This is some biblical level shit. I’m talking Whore of Babylon! I mean, really, you have no idea what—” But Negan had to duck as Daryl pulled his gun and fired a shot that whizzed just past his head and struck the truck behind him. Instantly, about fifty guns were aimed your way. The archer’s chest was heaving with anger as he glared through the drifting cloud of gun smoke. And this time when Negan straightened back up, the cocky smile and manufactured charm was gone. His eyes were dark and cold with rage. “Now, that—that was a mistake, Daryl.”

“Nah. You made the mistake,” Daryl growled. “And ya will pay for it.”

[ultraklll]

Tony Miller as a Gun For Hire! Tagged by the lovely @envyfelled ! Ty! This was super fun! Also, I'm on mobile, so sorry for the garbo formatting! (Fun fact, tonys voice claim is laura bailey as fiona/fem!boss)

Paired With Fangs For Hire:

Boomer - "Heya buddy!" followed by excessive scratching behind the ears | "Fuckin' love this dog, can sniff out a peggie like shark sniffing out blood. Good trait to have! Awfully convenient too…" | [patpatapatptpataptap] | "Atta fuckin' boy Boomer!" When she sees him get a kill | "Who's a good boy! Who wants to kill some cultists!" | "Wanna play fetch? Rip out their necks?"

Peaches - "Good girl…" | stealth gang stealth gang | peaches: mows down peggies/tony: a baby!" | "I jus' think it's funny that when we went to the Henbane, we picked up a cougar, Addie, an actual cougar, Peaches, and joined a crew called the Cougars… Just'a thought," 

Cheeseburger - "This reminds me'a Vegas pride, saw plenty'a bears there too" | "Kinda ironic to find you in Jacob's region, all things considered," [snickers to herself] | [PATPATPATPATPATPAT] | "Get outta my pockets! These snacks are mine, not yours!" | "You remind me of those like, beware of dog signs, but the dog is always a sweetheart who'd rather play with a home invader rather than attack them," 

Paired With Other Guns For Hire:

Jess - stealth gang stealth gang stealth gang | Jess has a MASSIVE crush on Tony. Everyone can tell. Tony knows | jess: guns are fucking lame and the sniper rifle is the cowards weapon/ tony: uses a sniper rifle/ jess: actually sniper rifles are cool as fuck | "Good shot Jess!" "S-shit, um, thanks, Tony," 

Grace - sniper gang sniper gang!! | [steals a headshot Grace was lining up] "Cmon Gracie, thought you were meant to be Olympic level!" | highly competitive, do a shot whenever they get a perfect headshot to die instantly | smug top solidarity | also heavily depressed solidarity 

Adelaide - [acts like she's not sleeping with her nephew even tho Addie knows she definitely knows] | Tony is either constantly laughing or constantly face palming over the shit addie says | have gotten into an argument once bc addie said john was a top 

Nick - "What's up eye in the sky?" | [flirts over radio] [flirts over radio] [flirts over radio] [fli | Nick: speaks/Tony: god I just love the way you fucking talk | often talk about kim together | "Can we have a barbecue at your place once these fuckers are dealt with?" | [pretends not to be bitter the Deputy got to help deliver Carmina and not her]

Sharky - "Heya baby!" | [constant back and forth flirting. It's embarrassing] | any second they're both not talking is a second they're making out | Can and Will go john wick on some peggy ass if he gets hurt badly | "Do you wanna have a sleepover?" "Lemme ask my momma," | she calls him Charlie :> | loves him so so much they're just constantly talking about anything and everything | literally like A Comedic Duo. Have together for certified funnies

Hurk jr. - "Junior! This'll be just like Kyrat!" | competitions about who can shotgun a beer faster every 4 seconds | WILL tell you stories about their time in Kyrat together | Tony has punched Drubman sr in the nose before and she'll do it again | "Hey Tony? You still in contact with Ajay?" "He sends me a royal postcard every now n' then. Apparently it's boring being king, and his only solace is that his new bodyguard is cute," 

In Combat: 

Seeing an enemy - "Fucker in my sights," | "I got a bullet with your name on it… actually I don't, who the fuck has time to carve names in bullets, but you get the idea- im just gonna shoot you now" | "You're dead on arrival, shithead," 

Sneaking - "You'd think me sneaking is counter productive because I'm 6'4 and have a very loud gun, but you're the boss Dep," | "Shhhh… we're huntin' shitheads… Heard it in a game," | [shoots alarm boxes] "You ain't allowed to call your friends, you're all grounded," | *peggy triggers alarm* "Fuckin snitch!" 

Killing an enemy - "SKULLCRACKER!" | "I just don't miss!" | just fucking headshot after headshot after headshot | [sucks in breath through teeth] "God damn I'm good," | when shes not using her Wifle (wife rifle, a 45/70) she's being FUCKING EFFICIENT with her ak-ms or just blasting ribcages open with her shotgun

Reviving - "Up you get, baby," | "You ain't dying on me that easy, Dep" | "Not today Satan!" | "You gonna let some unwashed asshole kill you?" 

Hurt - "Motherfucker!" | "That's another scar I'll tattoo over," | "Thank god people find scars sexy," | "God fuck that's smarts!" 

Downed - "Dep! Give me a hand?" | "Clean up on Aisle 4 needed!" | "Don't worry about me, just bleeding out over here, no rush," 

Revived - "Drinks on me when this is over Dep," | "Thanks babe!" | "I'll kiss you when we get outta this mess," | "I owe ya!"

Driving: 

Entering a vehicle - "Lemme take over I'm a way better driver than you," | "Floor it!" | "Hang on I've got a mixtape, just hope I havent fuckin' crushed it," | [takes the opportunity to roll cigs] | *peggies roll up* "Keep her steady!" [leans out the window and headshots the peggie on their ass, causing them to crash the car, like that isnt the coolest shit you've ever seen] "Aight cool,"

Reckless Driving - "Watch the fuckin' road asshole!" | [desperately tryna grip the wheel so she can take over driving] | "STOP THE CAR! I'LL JUST FUCKING WALK!" | "Are you tryna kill us?! Fuckin' swap seats now!" | tony is the designated driver bc one she's fucking good at it and two shes also a really bad backseat driver. Just let her drive 

Changing Radio Stations - "Now don't tell Charlie I said this but some of the peggies music is actually good,"| "John's a prick but his music taste is fuckin' good," | [punches radio in when Only You comes on] "...Sorry… Force'a habit…" | "Bold and brave my ass, John looks like he needs help getting spiders out of rooms and wears fuzzy pink bathrobes," 

Idle: 

"Man, John's a freak, and yeah I mean that in the sexy way. Someone who demands so much outward control whilst being a shithead little brat likes to get trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey and stuffed like one too. Don't give me that look Dep, I'm right and we both know it," 

"That dude Jacob ate was called Miller?? God, that could've been me if I was much older and way uglier!" 

"Faith just makes me fuckin sad man. She's been manipulated and groomed into this life by fuckin Joseph- she's so goddamn young too. I'm not gonna tell you what to do Dep, but that's just my two cents,"

"Joseph's the worst kind of man- a manipulator. He tells you what you wanna hear, targets the misfortunate who have nothing left to lose, builds a fucking army out of em. The other heralds I'm ok with arresting, but Joseph's got to go,"

[Lights cig with either her fancy lighter or by striking a match on the bottom of her shoe] "Don't start smoking, Dep,  bad for your health," 

Location Specific: 

Testy Festy Aftermath - [pinches bridge of nose] "Not again…" | "Anyone got a water and like, 3 aspirin?" | "Ain't the first time I've woke up passed out in a field, won't be the last," | "Did we at least get a photo from the night? I've won the competitions here for the last 3 years in a row now, I'm not fuckin missing one cuz of these peggies," 

Falls End - "Fuckin shame to see Falls End like this, but Mary May and Jerome will take good care of her now weve got it back, they always do," | "Think we'll get free drinks for life at the Spread Eagle when this is all over? Actually, we probably won't even get free drinks for week, so for life is wishful thinking," | she enjoys playing with the singing fish on the front of the speed eagle and keeps tryna convince Mary May to let her take it for herself bc tony goddamn miller has the biggest singing fish collection in the entire county 

Seed Ranch - *loud whistle* "this place is swanky as fuuuuck… Not that big a fan of all the dead animals though…" | "IS THAT WEED ON THE TABLE? Johnny boy you fuckin' hypocrite!" | "Oh he's definitely got a secret room behind one of these bookshelves, like a home torture room? Oh my God, what if he has more than one...?" [starts frantically pulling books off shelves] | regarding his shelves with peggie memorabilia [takes baseball bat to it] | [pretends she's never been here as she frantically stuffs any of her own belongings she might've forgotten here into her bag]

Entering the Henbane - "Don't trust a goddamn thing you see here. You think you see something you're not supposed to, hit it," | [swinging at bliss induced angel/animal/faith visions] | "Can we try savin' Faith? Don't feel right killin' her, she's so young…" | "Can we go to Sharky's place? I left some stuff there that could be worth picking up,"

Hope County Jail - "Sheriff Whitehorse has always been a good man to me, Dep. Would appreciate it if he lived through this," | "I always feel like a giant whenever I come here, everyones like 5'3. Virgil, Tracey, Charles, all shortasses," | "I think it's cute they gave you a little pin! You're part of their Pride now! Or whatever the cougar equivalent is to a lions pride… do Cougars even travel in packs? Aside from when Addie used take the girls out for drinks,"

Entering the Whitetails - "Always feels like something's watchin' you in these woods. Keep your eyes peeled," | "Always felt like there's something in these woods that there ain't supposed to be…" | [Shifting from foot to foot] "Can we get a move on? Aint'a big fan of standing around waitin' to get shot by some fuckin' sniper with a bow," | [watching Jacob's video punishing Pratt] "I'll fuckin' get you outta here, Stace… you just gotta hold out a second longer," | [about all the dead bodies and 'you are meat' graffiti] "Love what Jacob's done with the place," 

The Wolfs Den - "Eli Palmer is a good fuckin man. Kind, smart, careful and ruthless against peggies. We've made a good friend here, Dep," | "Heya Wheaty! Got a few more vinyls for your collection! They're all my own though, so be careful with em," | "I don't think Tammy likes you that much Dep. I don't think she likes much of anything anymore, other than attaching jumper cables to Peggy's nipples… Oh god, my piercings hurt thinking about it," 

Joseph's Island - [hand firmly on rifle grip] | "Creepy, evil motherfucker, had him pegged right from the start. Well, not pegged. I'm not pegging Joseph. I'd rather stick my dick in a ceiling fan then go anywhere near him- I'm just gonna stop talking," | "You know what? No one else has asked it so I'm gonna- where the fuck does Joseph sleep.  In the church? In one of these houses? In the dirt somewhere? What if he hangs upside down from trees like a bat?" 

[dreamdragonkadia]

Being married to Tony Stark Include...Part 1

[I regret nothing. Warning, alittle NSFW]

You are literally one of his best friends. Before even dating, he would have to know you fairly well to give up his playboy ways.

Most likely getting married before the whole events of ironman.

Drinking competitions happen way too often.

Helping Pepper keep her sanity when Tony is being stubborn.

High probability that Obadiah didn’t want y’all to get married. But Tony did it anyways.

As his wife, you know way more than you should. Like more than Obadiah and the board.

Sometimes it scares him, how much he loves you, which makes for really interesting, cheesy conversations.

You are the only one who can get into his lab when he locks himself in there. J.A.R.V.I.S knows better than to tell you no, you know how to hack his mainframe.

But you aren’t a bitch, so you give Tony the space he wants when he needs it. Unless it involves majorly injuring himself like the idiot he can be.

People are hella jealous of you and constantly try to get interviews with the one and only [Y/n] Stark.

You reject them all.

Often going with Tony to company meetings.

Sometimes, you tag along with the weapon demos before the events of Ironman.

Skipping out on the award ceremonies to go gambling and drinking alongside Tony.

Once you get past the point of tipsy, Tony doesn’t let you leave his side. You do some stupid shit when your not in the right state of mind.

For the remainder of the night, you follow him around like a lost puppy, cheering when he manages to win. Or even getting involved with the gamble while taking a shot of whiskey.

“Party Crasher here.” You whisper when seeing Rhodey walking over, rolling your last.

“Don’t worry, babe. He can’t be that upset.” You just hum in response, taking one last shot.

Tony literally has to support you while walking out. It’s passed off as his arms around your waist, pressed against his side.

Groaning as the reporter stops the couple, you manage to slip your way into the car without falling.

Having to interrupt their conversation, acting like he has a meeting in the morning, so y’all need to go.

Attempted car cuddles, cause you’re drunk. Just you leaning your head on his shoulder, muttering about the events that just happened.

Kicking off your heels and almost breaking the glass happens too often.

He tries to help you undress. Keyword tries. The night ends with having sex.

Lots and lots of sex throughout the relationship. Mad? Sex. Had a fight? Makeup sex. Bored? Most likely going to have sex.

It never gets old though. Tony knows how to spice up the bedroom.

Also tons of cuddles, hugs, and kisses. Once a week, there is a day spent cuddling.

Being great friends with Pepper and Happy. J.A.R.V.I.S is your other best friend beside Tony.

“Mrs. Stark, your husband might need assistance. His stubbornness could possibly get him hurt.”

“Heading down now. Unlock the lab doors if you would.”

“Of course, Mrs.Stark.”

Because Tony Stark is your husband, your closet is filled with fancy, cute and the latest fashion constantly. You don’t get a say in that, he loves to spoil you.

Thanks to him, you have a pretty good sense of fashion, always getting comments about being cute and beautiful.

When Tony gets way to in a project, Pepper always goes to you for signatures and things about the company.

Midnight drives or driving in general with Tony is the fucking best. Cops don’t bother pulling the Starks over.

There are times when he’ll drive them somewhere high up and they just cuddle on the hood, talking about life and looking at the sunset/stars.

Most of the time, you sit in the lab, reading a book or watching your shows while he works.

This happens more often than people think but Tony helps make food. 

J.A.R.V.I.S turns on a playlist, bringing up suggested recipes to make.

Eating out is only twice a week, unless it’s date night.

More often times than not, the Starks midnight shopping if they have too. You really dislike people getting your groceries, so it’s a road trip to the store. Wal-Mart and Winco are the main stories.

        Midnight shopping also means, no one really jumps them with questions or pictures. It happens sometimes but that is inevitable.

Big fight rarely happen. Y’all try not to get mad and understand both sides of each other’s story. But things will escalate. Which only means that they’ll need time to cool off. Apologies happen sooner than later.

Every couple has the stupid little fights. This one is one of them. You fight with Tony over the stupidest shit. Like what kind of beer is better or why the cheaper brand tastes better than the expensive one.

Disagreements are inevitable as well, but it’ll always come to an agreed decision cuz communication goes a long way.

You can literally be the most problematic significant other and Tony will still love you. Can’t eat many foods? That’s okay, he’ll come to a conclusion with you. Have health problems? Don’t worry, Tony will get you the help you need.

Good luck dragging his ass to bed. He can be a child when it comes to sleep and he’s working on something important.

Any charity event or parties is almost always a nightmare for you. Mrs. Stark doesn’t want to go but she doesn’t get a choice. Till you get to the actual event it’s your time to become a child and whine to him.

But in the end, you look beautiful and glamorous. 90% of the time you are by his side cuz you don’t know who any of these people are. Why would you don’t bother remembering? As Tony would say some people are just a pain to remember. No idea if he would actually say that.

Social media is huge in the relationship. He likes showing off. Y'all have the biggest streak possible on Snapchat.

[kari-renee96]

lets get personal.    

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

I Like It by Cardi

Bailar by Deorro

While My Guitar Gently Weeps (both the Beatles and Across the Universe versions)

Babe I’m Gonna Leave You by Led Zepplin

Last Nite by the Strokes

Words I Never Said by Lupe Fiasco

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

The Dalai lama, as an aspiring Buddhist, but even if I weren’t interested in Buddhism I would still want to meet him

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“...Why are you suddenly saying stuff that doesn’t make any sense? Are you drunk?”

It’s Fruits Basket, which is my favorite manga, so I just chose the best line from page 17

4: What do you think about most?

What I’m gonna be when I grow up and how my life will be (a nice house with my now boyfriend, hopefully then husband. maybe I’ll be with another person, or by myself, but I’ll be happy. eventually I’ll have a family, I want three kids. I want always two dogs and one or two cats. I want an office with walls covered in books, and a room that has a window seat)

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

A-do-ba-da

it’s a lunch order from my boyfriend

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

on, usually, because I have roommates; unless I’m at my boyfriend’s and i’m trying to be sexy

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I’m good at impressions... sometimes i worry that this makes me racist and I won’t do them unless i know someone who knows me well enough to know that I’m not

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls go to college to get more knowledge

boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

A song, by a very sweet and very talented ex. he is a guitarist and so it was instrumental. he had said he was messing around, composing, and a tune reminded him of me. he recorded himself playing it on youtube, and i really loved it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

yesterday while driving in traffic

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

not strange, i don’t think. i don’t like bugs too much, but what is strange is that sometimes i’ll be totally cool with them, pick them up in a cup with a paper cover, and take them to safety, and sometimes i’ll scream and demand someone kill them

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

nope, do fingers count as foreign? if not, no

13: What’s your religion?

i was baptized Catholic, but that was the extent of that, my parents never went to church, it was more of a Latinx culture thing. currently, i’m an aspiring Buddhist. i feel like it isn’t official, because the Catholic in me wants to be baptized or initiated or something. but i’ve read tons of books, i meditate quite often, and i have always agreed with the philosophy of Buddhism... so idk if that counts?

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

hiding in shade somewhere, i don’t like the sun too much usually, and reading

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind, for sure

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

maybe i’m basic af, but i don’t wanna lie. the Beatles, all the way. i have even taken the freshman seminar and the four unit Beatles Class at my school

17: What was the last lie you told?

i’m not hungry

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, definitely

19: What does your URL mean?

it’s just my nick name, Kari, short for Karina, and my middle name, with the year i was born. pretty basic. i didn’t know when i first made a tumblr how creative one could be when making their URL

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: keeping things bottled up, even if i talk about something i make it seem like it’s not a big deal, so it is still bottled up

strength: i’m very selfless, which can be a personal weakness at times because i can let people walk all over me, but it makes me happy so i guess that doesn’t matter

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i have tons... i guess top five are Johnny Depp, Kiera Knightley, Jim Sturgess, Ryan Gosling, and Evan Rachel Wood... i have plenty others

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

yes, but i was very little, maybe 8. it was at a friend’s house in Phoenix, with her and her best friend. it was at night, so no one could see, but during the summer time, so it was still pretty warm at night

23: How do you vent your anger?

journaling helps me, sometimes a phonecall to a friend, my boyfriend, or my mom, and if that doesn’t work then jogging and meditating

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

when i was little i collected stuffed animals and littlest pets shops, to this day it’s hard to let some go

i’ve always collected books. so far i have about 3 bookshelves full of books

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i like video chatting, i prefer to see someones face

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yes, for the most part. it took a lot of work haha

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: chalkboard screeching. even the idea of it gives me goosebumps, and i’ll even associate it with things that probably don’t make that sound, like matte nail polish

love: anything relating to water, like rain falling or rivers rushing or ocean waves

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if i had gone to school at home in Los Angeles and stayed living at home

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes, definitely, and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: curtain of the window

left: my coffee

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

i’m at my boyfriends, who rents a small room in a house. it smells like our cat, Thomas

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

the racist parts of the South

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

the west coast, but i’m biased because i live here. however, i like east coast weather (i’m tired of the California sun)

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Julian Casablancas

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to leave a positive impression. leave the world better than it was when you first came in

36: Define Art.

anything that makes you feel something you wouldn’t have felt if you hadn’t seen it, heard it, felt it, etc

37: Do you believe in luck?

kinda

38: What’s the weather like right now?

too damn hot

39: What time is it?

4:19 (almost time to blaze it... i’m joking... mostly)

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes, and yeah... it was my fault for not seeing a car coming in a parking lot, but it was her fault for not seeing me at all and just ramming into me

41: What was the last book you read?

Fruits Basket book 4, now i’m on 5

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

nope

43: Do you have any nicknames?

kari, karinski, mi amor, babe, baby

44: What was the last film you saw?

How to be a Latin Lover, it was on hulu

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

not too many physical ones, i’ve been lucky. i had a mental breakdown once, because i started to have insomnia, and i didn’t sleep for about 6 days

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

no, i’m too scared to hurt their wings and cause them to be unable to fly! but there is this place in Houston where you can go and put sugar water on you and they’ll land naturally, and i’ve done that

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

Fruits Basket. i re-read it like once a year

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

bi, or maybe pan. i don’t really like labels, not to be cliche or anything. i just have always been attracted to various people, and i feel that whoever i’m meant to be with, i’ll be with, regardless of their identity

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

i didn’t start one, which is what i think this question is implying

50: Do you believe in magic?

yes

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

not usually, unless it has been piling on for some time and i let it fester

52: What is your astrological sign?

aquarius!

53: Do you save money or spend it?

ugh spend, but i wanna learn how to save

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

a gift bag for the birthday presents for my boyfriend, some sunglasses for me, and some sour gummy worms for my stepson

55: Love or lust?

lust that turns into love

56: In a relationship?

yes, i mention him a lot cuz i like him i guess

57: How many relationships have you had?

quite a few, but none of them lasted more that a month and a half, so i really only count this one. before, i never wanted anyone getting close and being able to hurt me or cloud my judgment

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nope

59: Where were you yesterday?

at my boyfriend’s place, working from home and cuddling him when he would wake up (he’s currently working nights and so he sleeps in the day)

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

nope

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

nope, i like to be barefoot

62: What’s your favourite animal?

ugh too many! i love animals! i wanted to be a vet but i knew that if an animal died on my table i would probably fall into a depression... to name a few, or some i think are likely my spirit animal: wolves, deer, elephants, owls, dogs, cat, leopards, tigers, dolphins, orcas, sea lions, penguins... aaaahh too many!

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

compliment something, often eyes (i’m big on eyes), hair, makeup, shirt, etc

64: Where is your best friend?

in school. i’m sad, she starts more than a month before me

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr

perks-of-being-chinese

humorrelated

civilwhore

kickassfunny

purplebuddhaproject

66: What is your heritage?

latina. my dad was born in Chile, and my mom is Tex/Mex (she’s like 3rd generation)

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

i was on tumblr haha. my boyfriend goes in at 12 so he left here at 11:45, so i was just chilling before i fell asleep

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

billy bob

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

just a few days ago

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

hell yeah! i’m hella nice but i can also be very honest when i feel like one is prepared for it. i try my best to never judge. plus i like to give random presents when i think you’ll like something. i also like to bake and give cookies randomly. i always send memes i think are funny or relatable. i’m very good at reading people, too, so i know when to give you space and when to give you a hug

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog! if my boss doesn’t understand that i don’t want him as my boss (i’m saying him, because giving ultimatums like that sounds like something a man would do)

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) nope, i wouldn’t tell anyone, except maybe my partner

b) i travel the world, choosing to take my partner to certain places, and my friends to others, and my mom to others, and some of my favorite family members to others

c) no, i try not to fear death. i believe in souls, so *ominous voice* i’ll be back

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

love

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

La Vida es un Carnaval

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

0777

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

honesty is the most important thing, even though it can be really hard

77: How can I win your heart?

tell me your dreams and i’ll tell you mine. be sweet, that’s how my boyfriend won me over. i fell for him when we were only messaging (we met on Tindr) and i fell for him because he was sweet and told me that i deserved better than what i had had before

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

yup, it has with me

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

going to UCSD instead of UCLA or CSUN. i needed space to grow, away from home

80: What size shoes do you wear?

7.5 in women’s

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

i’ll be back

82: What is your favourite word?

quiver

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the corazon card in loteria

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

no worries

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

I Like It by Cardi

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

blue, green and everything in between

87: What is your current desktop picture?

it’s a slideshow of nature images and some inspirational quotes

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Trump

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

are you happy?

as a person with depressive episodes and anxiety, this can be very hard to be honest about sometimes. but currently, i’m happy! (yay)

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

take a video, maybe this will go viral and no one will believe. then i grab my pets and slowly walk out, drive to my boyfriends and leave pets there. smoke a blunt because i probably need to relax. then call the popo and send them to my place, and tell them to bring the Men in Black or whoever handle that kinda thing

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

i read minds, and speak to spirits

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

first meeting my boyfriend after talking for two weeks on several different social media platforms... like i said, i like him i guess

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

almost getting raped by my neighbor’s grandfather

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Julian Casablancas

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

rome

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

no, but my uncle who passed away last year was often in jail

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

no, but i’ve gotten car sick from Jack in the Box and had to lie down while driving through mountains

98: Ever been on a plane?

a few times

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

be kind to yourself first, because you owe it to yourself