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cevans-is-classic · 1 year ago

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18+ only! Sexual content, blood, death, questionable morals when Max is involved. Did I mention blood?

My masterlist

Pedro Pascal

Two years, six days and 8 hours ago, you walked into your boss’s office expecting to be fired. It’d only been a few months since you started, but the changeover was hectic, and standards of working slipped through the cracks.

The fact this was your first corporate job didn’t help. They had hired you under the referral of your old roommate. The idea was a long shot, but you got the job. The hours were long, and the pay was shit, but you didn’t have to sweat your ass off or wear a name tag.

Overall, being employed at Acla’s Pharmaceuticals wasn’t bad.

Didn’t mean you wouldn’t get fired for forgetting a coma in paperwork, though.

Which led to you being called to Max Phillips’ office. Your flats were rubbing against your heel as you walked. The smell of desperation and stale coffee clogged your nose, and, for the life of you, finding his office was impossible.

The mental math of your budget and bills ran through your head at top speeds. Thoughts of ramen packets and macaroni and cheese blended with your cat’s brand of food. You could afford to feed yourself or your cat for the next three months and, let’s be real, your cat wins.

Knocking on the door felt wrong. It echoed.

Your stomach twisted when Mr. Phillips shouted for you to come in.

It twisted again when you saw blood all over his desk, covering his tie and dripping from the pen in his hand. You wouldn’t say it looked like a massacre. That’d be extreme, but a solid murder was possible.

Was the blood his?

Did he mean to call janitorial and got you instead?

Was that possible? You were in claims which, yes, sucked, but wasn’t near the cleaning crew was it?

(Not that anything’s wrong with the cleaning crew. You simply hated vacuuming and there seems to be carpet in a lot of places here.)

Max smiled when he noticed you.

“Ah, there you are.” The blood dripped off the pen, splattering over paperwork.

“Um, you needed me Mr. Phillips?”

His smile tilted as he shook his head. “Please, call me Max.”

“Sorry Mr-.” You paused, “Uh, Max.”

He rose to his feet, the tie swinging across his white shirt. When you glanced down at it, he followed your gaze and huffed out a laugh.

“Yes,” He dabbed the tie with his fingers, “You must be wondering why I asked for you.”

That’s an understatement.

Did he need an alibi?

Could you be an alibi? How long were you at work?

“I was talking to Janet, your office manager. She says quite a few things about you.” His smile widened. “All good things, of course. One thing she mentioned really stuck out. You were a medic, right?”

You’re not sure if a medic could handle this. How many bandaids did he need?

“Uh,” You tried to look away from the bloody handprint he left when he stepped around the desk, “Not really. I trained in phlebotomy, but had to quit when my sister got sick.”

Another smile, all teeth, “You worked with blood though, right?”

“That’s the whole point of phlebotomy.” The words left your mouth before you could stop them.

Max’s smile faded, dripping with blood. He rounded the desk to lean against it, his arms crossed, the red under his fingernails left marks on his suit.

You were getting fired and, possibly, blamed for murdering someone.

When Max burst into laughter, it startled you. “Ah, excellent, a sense of humor. That’s what we like around here, Sugar. People who can dish out as good as they get. Did you know Patrick Chambers in HR once did a standup routine for the Christmas party? Guy has the laughs.”

“I bet.” Jesus, shut up.

Max clapped his hands together. “Anyway, I was hoping you’d help me with something.”

When he pushed away from the desk, his foot kicked out, dragging your gaze down and- “That’s a head.”

“Yes, it is, and you, Sugar, are going to help me keep that from happening.” Once more he smiled, canines extended.

“I’m not being fired?”

Max winked. “Promoted more like it.”

Two years, 6 days and 9 hours ago they handed you an NDA with a contract to help Max attain blood donations without killing (sometimes) people.

(He still killed people, you learned, but only when they didn’t meet their quarterly goals)

Since that day, you’ve spent hours on end in the man’s office with bags of blood being loaded into a built in cooler. Max wanted to throw them in all at once, but the blood was fragile. You had to make sure they stayed hanging and didn’t congeal before you could store them. Max had a penchant for B+ which meant you had to organize the other types as backups.

Now and then you got stuck sitting in the office's corner as he held a stranger against the desk and bit down.

“Nothing beats the fresh stuff, Sugar.” He’d aim a finger gun at you.

“You’re going to run out of suits if you keep it up on the clock.” You’d slip his dry cleaning receipt towards him.

He’d given you three days off a week. Those three days you lived by a schedule of importance.

Grocery shopping (vegetarian meals don’t last long)

Bills (Max pays you a pretty penny)

Therapy

Therapy is important.

You’d been worried about the mental trauma you experienced every day working for Max. What gets brought up the most is your inability to form proper boundaries.

“Your boss expects a lot of you.” Kathryn hums, her eyes focused on yours.

“The vacation days are wonderful.” They really are. You could take your sister and three friends to San Diego last year for a week and afford to splurge your heart’s content.

Sometimes, when you’re sitting across from your therapist you think about walking into Max’s office and finding another dead body. You think about the blood covering his suit, coating his hair, the way the air had a copper taste to it. It’d cross your mind faster than a hamster wheel and you always had the same reaction.

Indifference.

Which, honestly, isn’t a surprise to you.

You say it’s amazing compartmentalization skills. Kathryn says it’s deeply rooted repression.

Tomato, tomahto.

All that being said, nothing would have prepared you to walk into Max’s office on this day. Your bag is heavy over your shoulder with newly bagged blood. The door opened with a squeak, reminding you to ask Hamish for some WD-40. Looking up at the hinges distracts you from the noise.

The squelch behind your head sounding like Max draining his last baggie.

Your mind focused intently on what needed to be refilled that it took a solid thirty seconds for you to realize what was happening.

The flex of Max’s ass, the sharp smack of hips against hips and the muffled moans of the woman he had bent over the desk. The same tie he’d wore the day you thought he’d fire you shoved into her mouth.

Max had his hand circling her wrist, his other hand pinning her down.

It wasn’t the blatant and unprofessional display of sex that had your mind reeling.

It was how good Max looked, his mouth covered in blood, trails of it following the line of his chest. He tossed his jacket and left his shirt open. His slacks pooled around his ankles and you could see the tense hold of his thighs.

There was blood running from the woman’s neck, her chest, her legs. Max had it on his fingers, caked beneath his nails.

The first thought that bubbled to the surface and made its way out of your mouth stunned you. “Did you finish the Carpelix file first?

You rarely remembered the name of the new blood pressure drug.

Unless it involved your boss’s ass, you guess.

The woman turned her head before Max did. Her eyes half lidded, spit drowning the tie. She had a pale hue to her skin, the pallor striking next to the dark wooden desk.

She muffled something around the tie which had Max looking over his shoulder at you.

“You’re back early.” He fucked into her, hard, jarring the desk that held them up.

“Traffic was light.” With that, you walked towards the cooler.

There was only one baggie left like you expected. An O negative, his least favorite. You tried not to stock up too much on O blood types. Sometimes you didn’t get lucky enough to wrangle A or B types and Max could suck it up. Literally.

“Did you stop for bagels?” He sounded closer. You glanced back and shook your head as he buttoned up his pants.

The woman was squirming, her hands slipping in the blood as she lifted herself up. You raised a brow at Max who looked down at the woman and frowned.

“Regina,” He pulled her up, “You’ve met before, right?” He waved a hand towards you, the other circling her waist as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

The woman, Regina, squinted at you. “I don’t know.”

You squinted yourself, looking closer as Max slid his hand up her side. He cupped her breast his thumb brushing her nipple, and she shivered.

Max tilted her chin to the side, aiming her full gaze at you.

“Regina Mallord.” You rolled your eyes. “She rear-ended my car a few months ago.”

He smiled, “Did she?”

Regina was whining as Max played with her, his fingers moving across her chest, over her nipples and back. She squirmed in his hold as blood dripped down her neck. Some of it dried around her collar bone, fingerprints marking through the path.

“If I remember correctly,” Max murmured, “Your car was in the shop for a week, right? If I also remember, you had to Uber to work.”

You rolled your eyes again, “Yes, Max. You complained about me being late for a week straight — I wasn’t late. You’re just impatient in the mornings.”

He nips at Regina’s ear. “I really am.” There’s a moment, a single moment, where your eyes meet.

Max winks again, slowly, his mouth stretching as his face contorts, brow scrunching. The veins along his temples darkened before he opens his mouth wide and rips Regina’s throat out.

Both of you watch her body hit the floor with a wet crash.

You sigh, “What was the point of that?”

Max nudges her arm with his foot, stepping over her to move closer to you. “She was in the break room when I went to clean my cup.”

“So, you decided to fuck her then kill her?”

He reached out, his finger tracing the line of your jaw, “I planned on only killing her, but I got a bit rowdy.”

You swiped his hand away. “A bit?”

Max stepped closer, leaning against the cooler, his hand coming back up to touch your necklace. “I saw her car yesterday. I recognized it from you showing me the cameras. You had to pay almost 3000 to get your car fixed.”

“Yeah,” You didn’t swipe him away this time, let him drag a path from your neck to your jaw, “That’s what I get for forgetting to re-up my insurance.”

Max quirked a brow. “You’re a treasure, Sugar.”

“You say that because I don’t question,” You directed your gaze at Regina’s body, “that.”

“Hmm, yeah.” He leaned closer, “but also because you make my day a little better.”

A spike of pleasure shot down your spine, heat curling in your belly. Max’s eyes were deep pools that crinkled when he smiled. There was an innocence to them, a puppy dog look that made it hard to tell him no.

It’s worse when he tilts his lips into a smile and aims his attention at you.

You’d blame it on his hypnosis abilities, but you knew the truth — Max Phillips is a gorgeous son of a bitch. People rotate between wanting to stake him in the heart or suck his dick.

Right now, you want to do both.

Mostly the dick part.

The other would spill more blood and Jeffery will have a hell of a time as is.

“Sugar,” He drew your attention back to him, “How about I take you for dinner tonight?”

You sigh, “Max,” His eyes flicker down to your lips, then back up, “It’s Tuesday.”

“Yeah?” Another look at your lips. His tongue darts out to lick away the blood at the corner of his mouth.

“Tomorrow is the corporate meeting.” Max frowns.

“That’s not until July.”

“Max,” His mouth flattens, “It is July.”

The kiss was tangy, his lips sliding along yours. His tongue taste of blood, coffee, and something else. Something deeper. It tastes of Max.

“Sugar,” He whispers when he pulls back, “Let me take you to dinner. It’s the least I could do for all that you do.”

“Max.”

“I love hearing you say my name.” He kissed you again. This kiss was deeper, harder his arm circling your waist to press you to his chest.

What does it say about you that this was the best kiss you’ve ever had? Having Max Phillips groaning into your mouth, his fingers digging into your hip. You can feel the shift of his legs as he turned you around to press against the wall.

The way his body fits against yours makes your knees weak.

Your mind reeled, making you dizzy headed as he nipped at your jaw, down your neck. It was heady, heavy, the air thick around you.

Your eyes fell on Regina’s dead body, and the kissing stopped.

“Max.” He buries his face in your neck, “Max.” You push at his shoulder.

He sighs, “Yes?”

You aim your gaze at the corpse. “She’s staining the carpet.”

Max barks out a laugh loud enough that it startles you.

“We’ll finish this tonight, yeah? For now, you mind calling the cleaning staff and make sure Jeffery brings more than one bag.”

Two years, 6 days and 10 hours since you thought you were going to be fired, and you had a date with your boss and call for a body clean up.

Yay.

I have a whole thing with Max killing people for reader 🤨

#max phillips #max phillips x reader #max phillips x you #max phillips fanfiction #bloodsucking bastards #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character

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edwinspaynes · 5 months ago

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who do you think the dbda (the main four) would like the most and the least out of the tlh gang, and why?

who do you think the cat king's fav would be?

(hope u have a good day 🫶)

this is so amazingly fun because i'm currently writing a crossover fic about these characters! i've written some of their interactions, so i'll answer this ask with supplemental snippets from the case of the five half-angel curiousities!

edwin's favourites are alastair and cordelia.

cordelia, because she reminds him of niko in some ineffable way...

Edwin was fairly certain that the enchantment was either made by someone extremely stupid or extremely malicious, but he was not about to say that. “We know next to nothing as of now,” he said. “A good detective must assess all the facts before drawing conclusions. Luckily, I am good at that, as is the friend we are meeting.” “Friend?” Cordelia was smiling. “Yes. Niko. Do you recall when I told you that you were reminiscent of someone? I was speaking of her.” “She sounds lovely, then,” Cordelia laughed. Alastair rolled his eyes.

and alastair because they share a sense of humor and are gang on matthew sometimes for fun:

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Cordelia said. “Tell me the oddest thing about the world today, something that I’m unlikely to know.” Edwin considered this. “Have you ever been to a Primark?” “What is a Primark?” Cordelia’s voice was curious. “Ridiculously inexpensive clothing store. I am certainly fortunate that I can conjure up whatever outfit I wish with ghost magic; the living sell the lowest-quality things and get excited over them in a way that I simply cannot understand.” Alastair nodded along with him, a superior expression on his face.

(and later also because they have a lot of poignant conversations about, like, edwardian homosexuality...)

charles's favorite is thomas initially and he becomes close with matthew as well as thomas.

charles about thomas:

“Bet,” Charles said. “And also, I like the look of them. Especially the tall guy. Thomas. They’re all solid lads, don’t you think?” “I’m quite honestly concerned about their newly acquired feline friend,” Edwin mused, “but yes. They’re altogether inoffensive. The girl as well. I rather like her. She’s oddly charming.”

charles and matthew:

“I burned it to the ground, if you must know. My school, I mean,” Matthew said, deciding to leave out the fact that he had only made an impact within the South Wing. “Considering what you have just shared, perhaps you would like to know it. I ought to be ashamed, but I was thirteen. And am still rather proud of my ability to create explosives at such a tender age. Such takes far more analytical abilities than you might think.” “I know. I can make Molotov cocktails,” Charles said approvingly. Thomas spoke. “What’s that?”

niko gets along really well with cordelia

<3 :

“I think we should just call the ‘item that underwent factuari’ a ‘factuari,” Niko said. “Do not be silly,” Edwin chided, giving Niko an affected but pointed look. “Factuari is a verb, not a noun. You cannot change parts of speech simply out of personal conveience.” “I’m going to anyway,” Niko said, and because Edwin could not be mad at Niko, he smiled as when rolling his eyes. “I think I will, too,” Cordelia agreed, and Niko looked at her with an approving grin.

crystal immediately adores james, but unfortunately that's in an upcoming scene. they do have an entire chapter to themselves, though, with a little bit of cordelia.

as for the cat king, well, someone i love very much wants to learn how to pop into existence with a chandelier over his head... but i haven't written this chapter yet <3

and a bonus <3

“So,” Edwin said, “what year were you all born? I estimate that we’re likely around the same age, and am quite curious.” Cordelia clapped her hands. “I thought we may have lived during similar time frames as well.” She looked delighted. “I was born in 1886, and Alastair in 1884. I died in 1964; he and Thomas in 1965.” “Both of them?” Edwin asked curiously. “Do you know how some married couples expire within hours of each other?” Cordelia’s eyes were shining. “Well, both Alastair and I did, with James and Thomas. An odd coincidence, but…”

#dead boy detectives #the last hours #my fic

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theonethatyaks93 · 2 years ago

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Animaniacs Season 3 Episodes 3-10 Opinions

Spoiler Warning: This review will give major spoilers for certain episodes of this show. Proceed at your own risk.

Hi guys. Listen, I think Season 3 was pretty strong and it improved after the first two episodes. However, the ending made me very pissed and I am kind of having an emotional moment right now. I just can’t believe that it’s over. And I can’t believe that it ended so poorly. I don’t think I’ll ever watch that last episode again, except for the cold opening. I just feel like the ending kind of lied to us. We got a Pinky and The Brain cold opening, not a full segment, and while it was good, for this to be the last appearance of the mice just makes me sad. The final segment also dragged on way too long and it just abruptly ended in a not funny way. This review will mainly focus on Pinky and The Brain, but I loved a few Warners segments such as “Warner Games”, “Santamaniacs”, “Island of Dr. Warneau”, and “Über Nachtmare”. Anyways, lets get on with the reviews.

“Talladega Mice” was one of the most surprisingly amazing segments of the entire reboot. I loved how it contained some references to older episodes and it was full of charming moments. I also loved how it focued on Pinky and his minor anxiety problems, with Brain having to calm him down to survive. This episode had the funniest moments in the entire third season, with me laughing for a solid 2+ minutes after watching this. I loved how it shows a softer side of Brain, with him using impressions to calm Pinky down. He also engages in an adorable tickle fight (Brain’s ticklish you guys!) and even allows Pinky to suck on his finger when he gets too stressed out. I feel really comfortable in saying that this segment felt very realistic in its portrayal of anxiety, stress, and the ways to cope with it. I relate to Pinky immensely here since I also have stress problems and need things to distract myself from them. I can safely say that this is a must-watch with hilarious moments, and some underlying messages.

“Mad Mouse: Furry Road” was a great, but not amazing segment. I was let down a bit, but I still found this fun and engaging. I loved Pinky’s sense of humor and Brain was also enjoyable. I think the animation was impressive and some of the moments between the mice were cute. While I think that it suffered from slow pacing at moments and not every joke was a slam dunk, (Also, that gross-out joke was not necessary, but shockingly, I’ve seen worse!) I still think that this is a decent watch.

“Groundmouse Day” was very funny and cute! I loved Brain and how he grew more and more insane after the day kept repeating. I loved Egwind and his cameo and Pinky was as adorable as he was funny. That moment when Pinky kissed Brain goodnight was one of the most pure and wholesome moments in the reboot (also Pinky is gay and so is Brain!). I loved the ending twist and I really felt every emotion seep from the screen. The expressions were wonderful and I loved all the Groundhog Day references. I felt really happy after watching this and I just feel like things were handled very well. Overall, I recommend this segment!

“All’s Fair in Love and Door” was hands-down the best episode from season 3. The drama, the comedy, the high-stakes, it was all amazing. Julia was as insane and hilarious as ever and Pinky deserves all the happiness. Also, Pinky and Brain love each other!!! The end blew my mind and I was very satisfied. I loved all the emotions and how realistic they all felt. I was surprised by a few things in this segment such as Brain covering Pinky to protect him from Julia (that jump was hilarious tho) and the real Julia showing up at the end! Please make a movie with Julia in it!!! The premise of this episode was extremely well-planned and all the VA’s did fantastic jobs with everything. This was the most surprising episode of the show in terms of twists and turns. Go watch this right now!!! I think this episode is worth your time!!

“How The Brain Thieved Christmas” was the episode that got me to cry. Yeah I know it’s cliche for me to like the Christmas episode but I did. The episode balanced perfect comedy, references, and genuine heart into one package. The first part was funny and engaging. The second part was tense and heartwarming. And when Pinky told Brain that he loved him, I screamed! I loved the Pinky dolls (especially the muscular one) and the moment when Pinky posed seductively was hilarious. The moment that got me was when Brain received the thing he needed to tack over the world from Pinky and he starts crying a little. The moment when all the characters sang “Silent Night” made me start getting a little steamy eyed. Pinky has the voice of an angel. I laughed when Brain finished the song at the end and I felt so warm and fuzzy after this episode; it was so good! Pinky and Brain truly care and love each other and I personally think that Brinky is canon now. This wasn’t as good as “A Pinky and The Brain Christmas” but I still felt emotions while watching this. I was also not happy that the show was ending, and I did a little ugly cry after watching, but still. A great Christmas episode with a fantastic ending, I couldn’t recommend this more.

“International Mouse of Mystery” was a huge letdown! I thought this was a full segment, but it was only a cold-opening?!! We were ripped off! Still it was a good opening with a pretty good song. Pinky is truly the second best singer on the show, without a doubt! I loved the animation and I think that this further hints at Brinky. Also, Pinky looks fabulous!! It’s a great idea, but it was just too short. If this is the last thing we see from the mice duo, I’ll be disappointed. Overall, not bad but just a huge disappointment and we were robbed of a proper conclusion.

All in all, I think this season was pretty solid. The ending was un-satisfying and there were a few moments of season 1’s weaker segments, but I still think this was better than the first season. Season 2 still is the best overall, but there were some great moments here. Just don’t watch the last episode except for the cold-opening if you want to keep you sanity and emotions in-check. I’ll still be talking about Pinky and The Brain constantly and I truly don’t think that this is the end of the franchise. Also, Brinky is canon!!!! Thank you guys so much for reading this!! I hope you enjoyed season 3!

#brinky #pinky and the brain #patb #animaniacs s3 #animaniacs spoilers #brinky is canon #gay mice #season three opinions #I love these mice so much!#I’m actually crying that this is over

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archoneddzs15 · 4 months ago

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Sega Mega CD - Lunar 2: Eternal Blue

Title: Lunar 2: Eternal Blue / ルナエターナルブルー

Developer/Publisher: Game Arts / Studio Alex / Studio Deen

Release date: 22 December 1994

Catalogue No.: T-45074

Genre: RPG

Working Designs' final contribution to the Sega CD in the USA, and it's a glorious ending chapter. The finest RPG for any 16-bit CD-based system!! Lunar Eternal Blue is a must-buy for any Mega CD owner interested in Japanese gaming. True it's an RPG and you may not be able to understand Japanese, so you'll miss half of the plot but it's Lunar Eternal Blue!

The events of the game take place a hundred years after those of the first Lunar. You control Hiro, a young treasure hunter who likes exploring various caves and ruins with his trusty companion, the wise-cracking pink flying cat Ruby (who claims to be a baby dragon). One day he meets a mysterious blue-haired girl named Lucia. She explains that she has come from the nearby Blue Star and now needs his help to defeat a dark being called Zophar. Bewitched by the girl's beauty, Hiro agrees to help Lucia and soon finds himself opposing the ruling religion of the world, and shadows from the past.

While Eternal Blue doesn't offer anything new and revolutionary to the RPG genre, it does provide a solid, traditional JRPG experience. Furthermore, it improves nearly every aspect of the original. No longer is the story about some childish "I want to be a hero!"-type adventure gone wrong, but it's a tale of a world in peril, with many plot twists and revelations that keep you playing, and a cast of interesting characters that have far more depth than the rather static ones in the original.

The graphics in the game are also quite good for its time. The character/enemy sprites and locales have a decent amount of detail, and the animated cutscenes really show what the Mega CD was capable of as a console. The music in the game is good as well, and in my opinion is nearly on par with some PS1 RPG soundtracks. Finally, the localization quality of this game is top-notch. With voice acting and tons of cool 90s pop culture references, the localization gives a certain liveliness and sense of humor that no other game at the time had. Game Arts, Studio Deen, and Studio Alex really outdid themselves with this title. For its time this was years ahead and Game Arts knew that since they later re-made it on the Saturn. Beautiful animation scenes, voice-driven dialogs, and wonderful music make this a truly magical experience.

Unfortunately, every single gaming store around the world knows this which results in Lunar Eternal Blue on the Mega CD being quite expensive. I've seen this on sale for as much as the price of a fully loaded 1TB iPhone 15 Pro Max (RM 8,500)!! That's more than many shooters on the Saturn sell for. Luckily, I got this copy with a set of other goodies including my current basketball, earbuds, Sonic keychain, and shoes for less than RM 650 (^v^) Quite a lot for a 16-bit CD RPG, but anyway. I'm absolutely happy.

The game comes complete with world map and a CD single that features two vocal tracks and a short radio play. This Premium CD single is not included in the Working Designs American release. The tracks are:

1. Lucia and Lemina's Conversation 1 / ルーシアとレミーナの話その1 (duration 3 min: 33 sec)

2. Money is #1 / お金がいちばん♥ (duration 3 min:35 sec)

3. Lucia and Lemina's Conversation 2 / ルーシアとレミーナの話その2 (duration 1 min:40 sec)

4. Eternal Blue ~Eternal Sentiment~ / ETERNAL BLUE ～永遠の想い～ (duration 6 min:05 sec)

5. Lucia and Lemina's Conversation 3 / ルーシアとレミーナの話その3 (duration 1 min:12 sec)

youtube

#sega cd #Youtube

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quillyfied · 7 months ago

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Hellaverse Theories: Helluva Boss S2E1

Welcome to Quilly’s Hellaverse Theories, where I overthink the entire Hellaverse! We’re on the first half of season 2 for Helluva Boss, and the episodes have gotten longer this season, so I think I’m going to try just taking it an episode at a time like I did with Hazbin Hotel; them being longer means more stuff to chew on, after all!

Let’s do this, s2e1:

BABY STOLAS! BABY BLITZO AND BABY FIZZ! BABIES!!!

Thanks to Game Grumps, I know who Sam and Max are now, so the fact that Stolas has a little imp plush that looks like Max makes me giggle because I get that reference.

Alright moment to shout out the quality of the animation going up pretty drastically; it was already pretty dang good so the fact that it’s even BETTER makes me happy. Shoutout too to the butler; he’s very good at his job.

Paimon’s entire existence has…interesting implications. For a start, he doesn’t even have a solid form; I’m only convinced he looks like a bird because he’s spending time with one of his bird sons. And the fact that he has enough kids that he doesn’t KNOW which kid he’s interacting with until reminded…raises questions. Like. What’s Paimon’s rank? How many spouses does he have, to churn out so many kids he can’t keep them straight (or won’t keep them straight, more like)? What responsibilities does he have to the Goetia family? How long has he been a Goetia babymaker, apparently? Where’s Stolas’ mother? Or…additional parent? (I’m not entirely unconvinced that Paimon isn’t just spawning them from his own essence independently tbh, his form is malleable and takes on many different animal aspects.) How many siblings does Stolas have? Do all Goetia get purposes, or just high-ranking ones (because lord knows it seems like Stella and Andrealphus don’t have anything better to do than scheme for more power)? Does Stolas have Goetia siblings that aren’t birds, since Paimon himself isn’t truly a bird? QUESTIONS. I HAVE THEM. Okay, Paimon specifically says “which SON is this?” so…uh…does he even count his daughters? Does he HAVE daughters? (And children that are neither?) Is the Goetia family patriarchal and sexist?? Is that why Stella is the way she is? DAMN YOU VIV AND BRANDON PUT MORE GENDER DIVERSITY IN THE MAIN CAST. Anyway. Ahem.

Stolas is so excited, look at him. Look at his widdle face. Look at his big excited eyes. NOW LOOK AT HOW CRUSHED HE IS TO FIND OUT THE SECOND HALF OF THE DEAL. One: proof Stella was always like that, and Two: what do you want to bet the portrait was taken/painted after she was told about her engagement as well? Also I question the choice of sending along a picture of a kid strangling cute animals but this is a comedy show, I guess. Oof. Y’know what’s not a comedy? How Stolas does stop crying fairly quickly, but remains visibly miserable for nearly the entire duration of the circus.

I wonder who had the idea of assaulting the crowd with clowns first, Mammon or Cash.

BLITZO AND FIZZ BLITZO AND FIZZ BLITZO AND FIIIIIIIZZ. BABIES. SWEET BABIES.

Alright, pretty sure THIS was when it finally occurred to me what must have happened to make Fizz all white instead of red: seeing him as a kid without any white on him at all. Still didn’t know what happened, exactly, but it’s really chilling when that realization finally happens, that the white is scar tissue (and such extensive scarring, too). Also who voiced all these kids, they’re amazing and adorable.

Listen. LISTEN. Turning Stolitz into a version of childhood friends to lovers is the number one way to make me love them even more. Do you know how INSANE I am for childhood pining?? The answer is very. And I love that Stolas notices BLITZO. Even at this tender age, Blitzo is different, especially from Fizzarolli; Fizz is dressed better, looks the part better, can do the tricks, has the upper hand. But Blitzo is fearless and he’s creative and Stolas is just the right kind of sheltered and twisted to be into Blitzo’s kinda violent sense of humor. The ways that they are PERFECT for each other KILL ME.

Also the way that Fizzarolli swoops in to save the show and says “Hey everybody!” just like he does at Ozzie’s. Hhhhhhhhhhhh. (Also how did I never notice before that his horn stripes are mismatched just like his jester hats later)

I notice that Paimon doesn’t specify that he’s purchasing Blitzo for the day. There very much is no timetable discussed here. And the fact that Cash just DOES IT, would have sold Fizz for more but knows parting with Blitzo for chump change will pay out just as much in the end. Fucker. Then that asshole has the gall to ban Blitzo from seeing Fizz in the hospital later??? ARGH. Is this man still alive? Can we see someone punching his lights out just once?

Also, Cash’s voice. Can we talk about that? Who did that?? Why???

Listen these two asshat dads just did a bad, but also…was there really a need to vaporize half a tent to teleport out of there, Paimon?

I’ve said it already but let me say it again: whoever voiced the kids did PERFECT. Fizzarolli’s cute little giggles and Blitzo’s absolutely unhinged energy and Stolas’ little bitty hoity-toity accent. Aaaaaugh. Shows usually don’t give us this, it’s such a blessing. (Also why didn’t we get Barb tho)

(Maybe a continuity error, but the fact that Blitzo uses ketchup to represent blood instead of something darker…y’know…kinda unusual, for a Hellborn imp. But whatever, it’s adorable and I’m enjoying myself.)

I also love that Blitzo’s first reaction to being told he’s spending the day with a prince is “ew.” I hate that his first reaction to being told to steal is “what if I get caught” because that means this isn’t the first time Cash has made him do something like this. And if he’s worried about getting caught, that means it either almost happened or did happen in the past. Let Someone Punch Cash Buckzo 2k25. Surprisingly, though, for a shitty dad, the fact that Cash uses coercion and puppydog eyes to get his way with Blitzo instead of violence is actually refreshing. Though. Blitzo is already fully aware that his dad is a piece of shit, so helping him out…eh. Helping Mama, though? Yeah, that’s the correct button to push. I hope we actually get to meet an accurate version of her in Ghostfuckers and not a screwy nightmare version, because the way Blitzo in the future falls to pieces at her picture and the way even baby Blitzo wants to do everything to help her out means she meant a lot to him. And Blitzo doesn’t seem to trust or care easily even as a little kid.

STOLAS BOWS TO BLITZO EVEN WAY BACK WHEN. This information will never not destroy me, given how often Stolas does it to Blitzo in the present. Especially since Paimon immediately punishes him for it. And he still does it. Though, also interesting: Blitzo can see Paimon moving for Stolas before Stolas can, so Blitzo’s focus shifts there; his expression when Stolas gets hit is pretty shocked, too, an expression he only gets when the situation gets really dire for him. Hmm.

“I’m so good at daddying!” GO FUCK YOURSELF. Let Someone Punch Paimon Goetia 2k25.

Because Stolas is a kid who apologizes to his dad when his dad hits him, and he apologizes to Blitzo when Blitzo calls all of his books boring, he’s so sweet and so lonely someone help him.

Blitzo is already quite the little conman, though. That saddens me but also it’s nice to watch his budding strategic brain at work already.

Okay, here we go: “Is this an imp game?” That’s a fairly innocent question, especially from a kid, but it’s also a question that’s already loaded with class distinction. He might as well have asked “is this a commoner game,” because the tenor is the same. Stolas as a child gets a pass from me for his classism, because he literally does not know any better; even his imp butler constantly scolds him for behavior that is unbecoming for a Goetia. This isolation doesn’t improve even after meeting Blitzo again as adults, but I’ll talk more about that later, because there’s another layer to Stolas’ bigotry to examine and right now I’m in cute happy kid land.

Nooooo twinkly heartbreaking pretty tune, why are you heeeere, you make this sweet moment so much more bittersweet with your presence. Also if we get a reprise of this chandelier scene I might actually pass away.

Blitzo climbing a tree while Stolas reads a book. They’re so perfect. Y’know??

Alright, this little scene by the tree here: very packed with meaning, and foreshadowing too, I’d wager. I do notice that we don’t go much into Stolas’ duties with the grimoire as an adult (it would be cool AF to get into prophecy work one of these episodes), but the fact that Blitzo remembers all of this enough to plan a heist for it twenty-five years later is impressive (especially given what he goes through just ten short years later) (…wait a second…does that throw a wrench in my math…? Later, finish this tangent first). Stolas is excited, but unsure; it’s what he’s supposed to do, but there’s already something inside of him that feels discordant with that (with that, or with his impending marriage? Maybe both, since the two are likely intertwined given that they were introduced to him at the same time).

Blitzo, on the other hand, is gonna run his own circus (after a fashion lol) and be the most famous imp ever (YEAH I’M PRETTY SURE HE WILL BE ACTUALLY, he’s already making a name for himself and has interacted with one Deadly Sin so far, soon to be a second and a third later this season half. Plus there’s my ever-looming “IMP and Stolas Get in Legal Trouble” theory) and have an office (you go bb). The hiring of Stolas just feels like the next logical step, especially now that we have a pretty good indication that Stolas is about to be possibly stripped of his title and powers (if that’s what the trial/gathering in Pride and the altercation with Andrealphus means, anyway).

Happy childhood laughter…TWENTY-FIVE YEARS LATER.

(Alright, doing my math now: so Blitzo and Fizz haven’t seen each other in fifteen years. Presumably, I’ve been working under the assumption that they haven’t seen each other since the accident, and that the two of them and Stolas are the same age. But. There’s some…inconsistencies, if that’s true. I don’t think we get a number for what age Fizzarolli is turning on the explosive birthday, but he looks young; I think Blitzo still has his braces (which hurts me in a way I don’t know that I can articulate; that just feels so young and vulnerable still, for Blitzo to not only lose his mom but be blamed and also blame himself for losing his mom, blowing up his best friend, and burning down the circus). If we assume they’re ten on Stolas’ birthday, then twenty-five years later, they’re thirty-five. Fifteen years before that is twenty. That’s too old, or feels too old, anyway. Octavia was two years old the last time Blitzo and Fizz saw each other, since she’s seventeen; Stolas already being a father while Blitzo is in braces and the two of them being the same age feels like a stretch (though it COULD happen; adult braces are a thing). So either Stolas is older than the other two by at least a couple of years, or Blitzo and Fizz saw each other sometime after the accident. Which is possible, and certainly makes more sense as to why Fizz didn’t have some sort of trauma-induced explosion at Blitzo at Ozzie’s if that was the first time they’d seen each other since the accident. The math on this is all screwy; does anybody have a better resource on this?? Fizz and Blitzo being younger than Stolas would make sense…in fact, it’s the only thing that makes sense if the accident happened fifteen years ago. In order for Stolas to be 18 when Octavia is born, he has to be ten at this birthday at minimum. For Fizzarolli and Blitzo to still be teenagers ten years later, if we assume the accident was the last time they saw each other, they have to be 6-8 years old at most. And an eight-year-old and a ten-year-old can get along much better than a ten-year-old and a six-year-old (I work childcare, I know these things). So Stolas can be 35 while Blitzo and Fizz are 33. Wow. So many of my assumptions challenged by math. What a fun exercise these posts are.)

ANYWAY HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE, one episode per post is looking more and more likely.

The differences in Stolas waking up as an adult versus a child are so stark. He groans instead of cheering, he drags himself around instead of bouncing. His hair just sort of falls into place after a brief tousle. And the Happy Pills, the most damning evidence of all. Because, uh. People who are happy with their lives don’t take antidepressants (or, rather, people who are happy with their lives don’t START taking antidepressants; people can be happy with their lives once stabilized on antidepressants). That is stupidly obvious but also, incredibly sad. And as I know I’ve mentioned before, to be a young immortal already on antidepressants because his life is so unfulfilling and miserable is upsetting.

I do wonder at how this episode would have gone if Stolas had seen Blitzo at the window at that point, though. Probably not much different.

Here’s another sad thing: Via looks so content in her sleep when Stolas checks on her before going to face Stella. I really, really hope we get an unfiltered look at Via and Stella’s relationship without Stolas, because Via’s reaction to their separation is not one of a kid who was fully aware of how unhappy her parents were together (how she wasn’t, I have no idea, because Stella doesn’t exactly hide her disdain in any way, shape, or form). Via does it without screaming but she does also blame Stolas for breaking their family, and does it the entire time we the audience know her. And in the s2.5 trailer, Via still blames Stolas for it, saying “You never loved Mother.” The fact that THAT is such a sticking point for her makes me think Stolas (and maybe Stella but I doubt it) was successful in creating a fantasy for Via where her parents were content enough, maybe even happy (at the very least, they didn’t hate each other, which was enough for Via even if she was already aware that they didn’t love each other).

We don’t know how Stella talks to Via. We don’t know how Stella talks about STOLAS to Via. We know how she talks about Stolas to her friends, to equals, but we have yet to see how Stella and Via treat each other at all, even in the new normal of screaming and throwing things. Via clearly doesn’t like that Stolas screams at her mother, even if it’s framed in the context of what Via really doesn’t like being Stolas forgetting about Via in favor of fighting with Stella or flirting with Blitzo. It is pretty damn well implied that Via thinks Stolas deserves to be screamed at and have his stuff thrown around for sleeping with someone else. “Maybe [I liked Loo Loo Land] back when my parents didn’t hate each other. And my dad didn’t flirt with some weird red dickhead all the time. I just want to go home. But home doesn’t even feel like home anymore. You ruined it.” “He’d rather spend his time just screaming at my mum.” “You never loved Mother, you don’t love me, you love HIM.” If anyone in this damn marriage is going to be accused of turning Via against one or the other, it had better be Stella turning her against Stolas, because the foundation work is already there (and the fucking messy part is that it’s partially Stolas’ own fault; he wanted to play happy families because it’s what was expected, and when he reached his breaking point, he had an affair and then flaunted that affair without talking about any of the other messy parts of himself that made it unbearable to exist in their previous life anymore. Via’s world is burning down around her, and Fuck You Dad for that).

(Disclaimer that I don’t think Stolas exactly deserves BLAME for it, because it’s an impossible and deeply unhappy situation created by others’ expectations being forced onto him, but we’re talking about Via’s point of view and she very explicitly blames her father for how miserable and tumultuous her home life is now, and she isn’t entirely wrong, even if she doesn’t have the whole picture. Hell, WE don’t have the whole picture; we don’t know if Stella going to strike Stolas is a recurring offense, or if this was the first time, but the casual way she goes about it and how surprised she was that Stolas caught her arm does make me think it happened before. And Via has NO IDEA about that if it happened, I’d bet money on it. For fuck’s sake, Stella SCREAMINGLY plans Stolas’ ASSASSINATION at the goddamned DINNER TABLE with Via RIGHT FUCKING THERE and Via has NO IDEA. Here’s something I want to see: Via getting the unvarnished truth about what her parents’ marriage was like, every messy detail, INCLUDING that her mother tried to kill her father TWICE now. Does he deserve that much, Via? Because I don’t think you think he does, even if you’re having a hard time accepting that the home life you knew was a lie. Heck. The home life she knew was a lie. No wonder she’s so messed up.)

ANYWAY.

Ugh seeing Stolas TRY to be friendly to Stella only to have his presence dismissed is just. AAAAUGH. How does Via not see this?? Stella isn’t exactly subtle! Though I suppose Via can be aware that her mother is a raging bitchface bitch while also harboring resentment towards her father for disrupting their equilibrium. Loona was right when she said it’s not as simple as that and this shit gets messy. It likely wouldn’t be this messy if Via didn’t love her mother, though. Which means there’s likely something there TO love, or at least care about. That’s a delicate path to tread, because children are conditioned to care about their parents even when those parents aren’t worth caring about, and we just don’t know what Via and Stella’s relationship is like enough to guess at how deeply Via is hurt on her mother’s behalf, and how much she knows about how her mother feels about her father. It feels incomprehensible that Via wouldn’t know, but keep in mind that we see Stella through Stolas’ eyes, not Via’s; to Stolas, she is unequivocally cruel and insulting and she hasn’t made any moves to hide it from him. Has she made moves to hide it from Via, though? We DON’T KNOW. Via isn’t at the “Not Divorced” party. She isn’t listening to her mother loudly and publicly trash Stolas in every way possible. It could very well be that in front of Via, Stella is better-behaved, and so Stella’s shows of rage post-affair are justified to Via. I’ve gone on this tangent for way too long but I’m just so enraged by it right now, and hoping that Via and Stella both get their screentime dues in s2.5 (or if not both, then definitely Via, because she matters more lol).

Good grief, though, back to the main event, which is Stolas meeting Blitzo for the first time in two and a half decades and that fantasy romantic streak coming in hard and heavy. “I will handle him accordingly” with the blush and the eyebrows EXCUSE YOU SIR.

The captions for Blitzo’s reaction to Stolas declaring “you were here to ravish me, weren’t you” is “Ew.” Which is hysterical, given that’s exactly what he said when he was a kid and forced to hang out with him, and incredibly sad because nobody wanting Stolas is the THEME OF HIS FUCKING LIFE. But Blitzo is a consummate performer and conman (he learned from the best, or at least the good enough); going along with Stolas’ ravishment fantasy is the easiest way to get what he wants, so he’ll do it. Blitzo, I will posit with my whole chest, doesn’t give two shits about Stolas very nearly this entire scene. He’s willing to work the connection, to lay it on thick, but he isn’t emotionally invested one jot until Stolas brings up how much it means to him that they’re friends. THAT, Blitzo can’t ignore, not at this point in his life, when he’s trashed just about every relationship he’s ever had. Having someone who looks at him like he hung the moon probably isn’t something even he can fully resist, especially not when he needs something from them and maybe it’ll go more smoothly after the fact if he rails Stolas into the mattress and leaves him with a positive impression even as Blitzo steals from him and illegally uses his grimoire to commit murder.

But there’s also a moment where things sort of clunk into place here—not a good place, but the place where their relationship starts that for me explains why Stolas thinks constantly calling Blitzo little and his plaything is cute, maybe even something Blitzo wants him to do (and heck, he might, in the bedroom, but we aren’t allowed in there to find out; however, context clues would imply that even in the bedroom, Blitzo probably doesn’t like being condescended to)—and that’s when Stolas thinks Blitzo wants him to be a loud, chatty, submissive bottom. Blitzo doesn’t exactly do anything to disabuse him of this notion, just sort of tolerates everything Stolas spits up at him, and with how sheltered and also up in his own ass Stolas is, I still genuinely don’t think he understands on a basic fundamental level that anything he says is a problem. How can he, when the guy he’s been demeaning won’t tell him that he’s being demeaned and literally no one else in his life could possibly offer him that context? (I will admit that if Stolas tried looking past his upbringing and seeing the world around him, he’d pick it up real quick, but that’s the thing, Stolas isn’t there yet. He hasn’t been broken down that far yet. I think he will be, though.)

Alright, stopping my own blathering enough to actually watch this scene, and can I say how impressive it is that Blitzo remembers the little eyes up top when he’s blindfolding Stolas? Mainly because I forget them constantly? Also tying Stolas up in the first place is hysterical, but I guess Blitzo doesn’t actually need to restrain him, just distract him for long enough for him to get out of there. Right before his own feels get hooked into this and he commits to “real fast.” Which is his downfall, really, but also the start of one of the most important and fulfilling relationships of his adult life. Also the most tempestuous and aggravating and dangerous. Blitzo doesn’t show his emotions, not anymore; they’re too dangerous for himself and others. But. There’s that selfie of himself and Stolas, quite possibly taken on this very night, where he looks so content, even happy, snuggled up to Stolas. Keep that in mind, because as we all know, a picture Blitzo takes while Stolas is asleep is just one piece of the puzzle.

The rest of the pieces are incoming, with Stolas’ own camera roll.

…sidenote, do y’all think Stella’s had affairs? Possibly a kinky threesome with the two friends she’s constantly talking to?

Aaaaand, here we are, fresh out of Ozzie’s, with Stolas still in his fancy suit and hungover from absinthe (which is a very strong alcohol, for those who aren’t aware; there’s a reason the serving imps brought it out with a tiny glass. Goetia resilience on display there). And his theme song is about to get words, oh nooooooo. Stolas goes through his third morning routine, doesn’t even fix himself up, just downs more Happy Pills than seem to be his recommended dose, then starts scrolling through his camera roll. In every picture of Blitzo, he looks bored at best, annoyed at worst. And this is the moment, the breaking point—the fantasy has finally fallen away. Stolas might be in love, but they aren’t together. This isn’t a relationship. It’s a comfortable lie, something unbalanced and slowly killing them both just as surely as Stolas’ marriage was killing him.

And that’s why it’s so significant to me to look at the timeline here; it’s easy to forget that these events are happening so quickly, what with the lengthy release schedule, but this is the morning after Ozzie’s, and now Stolas is looking into Asmodean Crystals, looking to give Blitzo an out, because he understands now—or, at least, he understands better than he did before. He noticed the grimoire missing right before Blitzo bit him all that time ago on their first night together; he certainly noticed it missing afterwards. He let Blitzo keep it, maybe had one or two conversations about it, and then the series practically opens up with Stolas proposing they start sleeping together so they can both get the grimoire and sexual gratification from each other. Maybe because Stolas was fluttery and happy about finally being with his first-ever crush and friend, he thought it was the only way he could keep Blitzo close (because why would Blitzo stay with him otherwise if Stolas didn’t have anything more to offer than himself?). Blitzo agrees for his business, but he didn’t have to even start—didn’t even have to agree to the deal, either, could have asked Stolas if they could talk about it later because he was in the middle of getting shot and kept putting him off. Blitzo doesn’t do anything he doesn’t want to do (or so he projects). Stolas has had an entire life of doing what he didn’t want to do.

Only now here they are, in a tangled web of their own joint making that’s going to break some things before they can set it straight. But Stolas taking the first steps to even out the score? HUGE. Significant, because he’s the one with the most power, literally and figuratively. Stolas didn’t have to do this. He could have kept Blitzo on a leash if he wanted to. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t WANT that kind of relationship with Blitzo. He doesn’t just desire Blitzo, he loves him, wants what’s best for him and wants Blitzo to have what Blitzo wants as well as needs. Stolas wouldn’t have given him so many outs from their full moon rendezvous if he didn’t care about Blitzo having a choice. This is just the next logical step to Stolas escaping his own fantasies and coming into the real world.

(I have a feeling Stolas Sings here has some thematic elements tying it to Just Look My Way, but I refuse to watch that music video more than the two or three times I did when I first discovered it back in February; I want it to punch me in the mouth in its full context, so I’ll just take mental note of what I’m seeing in this particular musical number so I can make the comparison later.)

“It’s annoying to hear you screeching your silly woes all the time” says the woman incapable of lowering her voice when talking about how boring and stuffy her husband is and mocking him to everyone she knows.

Unreliable narrators are a fact of life; we’re all unreliable narrators in our own ways. But when Stolas says he tried so many years to make it comfortable for both of them to have this family, for Octavia to grow up with a normal life, there’s evidence to back him up, to show that he isn’t just talking out his ass. Stolas waking up to Via’s crying and informing Stella of it, only for Stella to push it off onto him. Stolas attempting to greet his wife in the morning as he gets himself coffee, only for her to turn her back to him and ignore him and keep trash-talking him on the phone. Via’s simmering anger at the turn her life has taken now that her parents are actively hostile towards each other and not just barely tolerating each other for her sake. And Stolas says he didn’t hurt Stella, which is sort of true; he didn’t betray her trust. What he did was hurt her reputation, make her a laughingstock and a figure of pity. Stolas Goetia’s beautiful wife, so pretty but apparently not enough for her aberrant husband, who fucked an imp of all creatures. We never see anybody else judging Stella for it (or, like, talking about it at all?), but the way she acts, you’d think she’d been shunned from every noble tea party in the entire Pride ring and had her shoes spit on. Image is everything for her, but her reaction is certainly winning her no favors, either (and even her ass of a brother knows it).

Fascinating, too, at how Stolas’ firmness implies that Stella’s been dragging her feet at the divorce when it’s been months since Stolas first slept with Blitzo right after their “not divorced” party. Not out of any desire to make the marriage work, but just to torture Stolas. Just to hold that over his head. Bitch.

Alright, the body language here really does imply that Stella’s hit him before. I was already comfortable living with that assertion, but studying the animation now…yeah, absolutely not the first time she’s gotten in his face, raised her hand to him, threatened him with what the rest of the Goetia family will think and ESPECIALLY her brother (whom I’m willing to bet Stolas only tolerated because he was trying to appease Stella). And Stella might actually be stupid, might actually not care enough to regulate her reactions and behaviors towards Stolas in front of Octavia, but I don’t think she’s dumb enough to hit him in front of her. …not yet, anyway. Rile her up enough and she might. But again, we don’t know what Stella and Via’s relationship is like. But we DO know what Octavia and Stolas’ relationship is like, and I doubt Via would let it go if her dad was seriously hurt. (Which makes me really wonder if Stolas ever told Via he was in the hospital. I can see him hiding it from her to try and keep the peace.)

Stella’s choice of words here is interesting, too. “Traitorous embarrassment.” Is she just referring to the fact that he cheated…or that he cheated with an imp specifically? “And I know you’ll pay for it” because she’s so self-assured that the other Goetia family members will back her over him? It’s possible, but the only other Goetia we know of now is Andrealphus, who of course sides with Stella anyway. For all we know, they’re in the minority, but Andrealphus does make it a point to say that no Goetia has ever acted as Stolas has before (which…if the family is that big and old…I doubt it. But I don’t doubt the family’s ability to cover up a scandal before it reaches the proportions that Stolas and Stella’s divorce is about to reach).

But Stolas managed to stand up for himself, for his OWN sake, and that’s not a victory to be taken lightly for a man in an abusive marriage. But it doesn’t assuage the other matter weighing on his heart and soul. It’s fine. Full Moon is coming.

…Paimon and Cash had the same voice actor? Okay…that somehow makes more sense, why Cash’s voice sounds like that.

…yeah, these season 2 episodes are gonna have to be done on their own. Especially since every single one of them is an absolute banger. But that means this one is done! And we get to jump into Via’s head next episode and maybe relieve some of this tension I’m constantly living with trying to understand how Stella can be such a raging horrible person and yet Via still defends her! (To a point; there is a pattern where Via gets angry about something only to reveal she’s actually upset about something else, but! Next episode!!)

#quilly's hellaverse theories #helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #quilly writing

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hannahstarshade · 9 months ago

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I never watched The Walking Dead. I'm familiar with and love a lot of zombie apocalypse media: Resident Evil, The Last of Us, I Am Legend, Dead Island, Zombieland. I even watched the three Telltale Walking Dead playthroughs by Two Best Friends. Here I am over a decade later and I'm finally giving the series a try. Surprisingly, a lot of it was new to me. I only knew a little bit about The Walking Dead just from cultural osmosis:

Zombies are called walkers. They need a shot to the head to go down for good. Doesn't matter if you die or get bitten, you'll come back as a walker either way.

The main character Rick wakes up in a coma after the zombie outbreak is well into effect. He meets up with his wife Lori and his son Carl. Lori hooked up with Rick's best friend Shane after she was sure Rick had died a long time ago. Drama ensues.

Daryl is the guy with the crossbow. Michonne is the woman with the katana and walkers on leashes. Aside from Rick, these are the two most featured on posters and promotional material. This must mean they are the most popular and capable badass characters.

This past weekend I finished the first two seasons. My honest opinion is that they were pretty solid, each serving a purpose for the narrative at large. Season 1 focused on the novelty of walkers and how society has had to quickly adapt. Seeing governing bodies and fail-safes crumble under the pressure is uncanny, given the most recent pandemic we were/are witness to. Season 2 is more character driven. Not to say Season 1 wasn't, but the second season is filled moral dilemmas that span multiple episodes. Is it worth bringing children into this scary world, and will they put other people at risk? Is suicide an individual's right to choose, or are others obligated to dissuade them? Do you sacrifice the life of someone you barely know at the risk of the group of people you care about most?

I am really attached to this group of characters. Everyone is so dramatic, and are constantly being pushed to their limits. I can believe that the woman who lost her sister and gained a new lease on life would want nothing more than a weapon in her hand to prevent disaster from striking the group again. I can believe that the man who hooked up with his best friend's wife has diluted himself into thinking it can continue because it's the only semblance of the past reality he has left. I get where everyone is coming, even if I don't personally agree with them or if they are delulu. Of all the character deaths in those first two seasons, it was Dale's that really got to me. He was one of the only people in the group that desperately clung to any sense of humanity and goodwill. He latched onto the idea of "we don't kill the living" and made that point at every opportunity. RIP rv roof guy, you will be missed.

All this to say that yes this show is not perfect by any means. I was taken aback by the amount of racism, sexism, and homophobia right out the gate. There is also a level of humor and levity that feels out of place at times especially in the first season with pop-punk or rock-n-roll music cues after a dire situation. I can sort of understand, given this was a decade ago and airing on public television. I did notice while it's still present, those moments and phobias have been scaled back a bit. That doesn't make it less cringy when someone calls Glenn "Short Round" or when Lori gets mad at Andrea for patrolling instead of doing "women's work" like cooking and cleaning.

With that said, the plot so far and the characters we have left have me hooked to see what happens next. Plus we get Michonne in the next season!

#the walking dead #walking dead #twd s1 #twd s2 #tw: death mention #tw: suidice mention #hannah talks nerdy

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clockworksteel · 2 years ago

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I've been realizing lately that I never developed a style of my own. This is kinda tangentially related to gender, I guess?

The earliest event that kicked off this line of thought was when a friend of mine mentioned sometimes they do silly tier lists with another friend, with one example being sorting characters by who was the "most gender", in the tumblr sense. I later had the thought, "I am not very gender". Then there was a segment of video of a recent Jammidodger video in which he talks about how many people find their own style as they grow up (https://youtu.be/H_CLQEIm1CA?t=192 for the full context, or https://youtu.be/H_CLQEIm1CA?t=242 to skip to the most relevant part), and also a recent tumblr post I saw that was like, "What are you wearing now and does it fit your style?" And, like, I was in sweat pants and a T-shirt since that's all I ever wear, but... I'm not sure I ever really picked it so much as I've been going with it as a good-enough default ever since I was, like, 6.

Now, some of that might just be that I genuinely have a rather plain style, but I also didn't really have an experimentation phase. I probably would have been concerned about my parents' judgements if I thought about truly making my own style decisions, I don’t think that line of thought even happened because it more of a subtle thing where the points to make decisions just didn't happen besides deciding what to pull out of the drawer or closet.

I actually still get given a lot of T-shirts, which makes it kinda difficult to justify buying many tops on my own. My mom likes to pick out "funny" ones for Christmas and birthdays, usually 2 per gift-giving event. Of course, some of those aren't great, since about some of the humor on them is self-depreciating, which is a bit weird as a gift. Like, sure, I guess I'll ironically wear the one that says "Exercise? I thought you said extra lives" while exercising. I think I'd prefer just getting another couple solid color shirts a year.

That said, at least I had very occasionally bought my own T-shirts a couple times prior to moving out from my parents' house. The rest of my clothing while I lived with my parents was entirely what they decided I should have. I guess I must have expressed some sort of comfort preferences at some point, since I have a vague memory of being told I didn't like jeans and it sounded right, but that sort of thing would've been about it as far as choosing most of my clothes.

Then my haircuts were just... sometimes my mom decided it was time for a haircut and then she'd cut it how she thought it should be. It would be left a little longer in the winter. I never really learned the names of hairstyles. After moving out I bought hair clippers to keep doing it how I was used to it, but I think it may be less that I like it like that and more that I'm keeping it how my mom expects it. I was a little sad to cut my hair this morning: it was just getting long enough to do something with. My mom did make fun of my hair last visit though as mentioned in the previous post, and I'm visiting again this weekend.

And my lack of style doesn't end with my personal appearance.

When I was younger, I wasn't supposed to put anything on the walls, since it could damage the paint. When I moved into the bedroom that had one burlap-covered wall I could put push-pins in it and did hang up some things: a couple posters and some paper snowflakes. Still, I never learned to decorate normal walls. And so in the 6 years I've been in my current house, the only wall decoration is a white board calendar.

I'm not really sure why, but I haven't changed my phone background from the default in my almost 4 years of having my current one. My desktop computer does have a background I set, but I haven't changed it in almost a year (I set it when Nintendo sent me some for my birthday last year). Before that it was just a solid color.

Even in games I tend not to focus on appearance that much, except for a couple times I've gotten to do dress-up in the couple of Pokemon games that actually had a good variety of clothes. I absolutely blitz through most character creators compared to a lot of people I know, it feels like.

I guess until I figure out whether my pervasive plainness is genuinely me, it's hard to conclude anything. I've had idle thoughts related to this about how maybe it would be good to consider an agender identity, but I don't even know where to begin with that, since the lack of rules when it comes to gender makes it hard to think about directly. I'd still have to decide what I look like physically anyway as well.

#clockwork-gender

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mellowgoop · 2 years ago

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Year one as a castlevania fan has been extremely good, and pretty surprising. I pretty much gave aria a shot because i knew something good would happen if I went to the home of the metroidvania, and yeah its pretty incredible! I kind of forget when I noticed how much appeal soma and alucard have to me as characters, probably must have been when i was beginning my mellowvania descent in 2021 and trying to get a sense of what the heck castlevania even was? because i had NO connection before that point, like seriously zero. it rose up to like, zelda tier with ambitions for higher in my heart pretty quickly though

the biggest surprises HAVE to be how much like the netflix series when my taste in animation had pretty much been "cute girls doing cute things and learning about friendship" and NOTHING else for like. four years straight? like I kid you not I hardly consumed anything else, the thematic jump to castlevania was insane. I was kind of just humoring it through season one's gorefest but yeah, season two was something special! the characters are just incredible and even if I dont exactly get the core conflict of the second half its impossible to stop watching them all grow and change and settle into their lives. or break entirely. its unreal that nocturne is coming, I'm so happy this show has been received well

and speaking of nocturne, uh, year two as a fan is looking interesting??? I really like alucard, i really like sotn, but rondo of blood grabbed me by the throat and became my bestie IMMEDIATELY, I have no idea what it is about it but it speaks to me so deeply. and, um, thats a PRETTY SEXY position to have ended up in with the deadcells crossover and nocturne coming out?? like what?? i am going to hang out with maria and richter and alucard more than you could possibly fathom...

strangest of all, I just saw rumors about a series reboot coming this year and I have no idea what I would want most right now. weirdly enough, I'm kind of tepid on igavanias as a game style? like theyre awesome comfort food but compared to the craftsmanship behind super metroid, metroid dread and hollow knight they feel by far the most by-the-numbers. i LIKE them, but I don't know if another 3d-2d igavania like bloodstained would really get me as pumped as a return to classicvania. like, seriously, that style means so much to me! its 85% headaches and 15% bliss but it feels so magical and inspired and solid. honestly, if I could have anything, put trevor belmont in a classicvania with the anime style... i know that sort of just happened with mirror of fate but like... if the netflix series came back to the games that would be sososoosso cool.....

#thoughts #castlevania

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world-cinema-research · 7 months ago

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Week Four Blog Post - Blazing Saddles

By Nathan gruber

Blazing Saddles (1974) is a hit comedic take of much older western films with an unusual twist. In the story, a town must learn to treat their new African-American Sheriff (Cleavon Little) with respect and admiration as he is the only person who is willing to stand up to the local gangs. Although simple, this story shaped the way the 1970s are now received as a type of healing and bonding from the 1960s Civil Rights Movement that has never been seen before. This is a plausible reason why it was a major success with $119.5 million made. For reference, it cost Warner Brothers $2.6 million to create this film. Blazing Saddles (1974) was a hit film because of three major components: the critical reception, the historical events, and the style.

The critical reception of the film all had high ratings, but most criticized the storyline as most of the story and humor “doesn't have a lot of classy polish and its structure is a total mess” (Ebert, 1974). Although highly criticized, the critics gave the film similar ratings at about four out of five stars. Even today IMDB gave the film a similar rating of 7.7/10. It is no surprise why people would go see the film with those ratings. On a personal note, the film is rather humorous, but lacks a solid ending. Toward the ending of the film, it transitions to being at the Warner Brothers backlot for no obvious reason. After a few scenes of the characters running about in Hollywood, the film switches back just in time for the classic ‘riding off into the sunset’ scene. As you could imagine, this ending is confusing to say the least. This only adds to the lack of structure of the film and it leaves the audience on a confused note.

Some of the historical events that took place during the production and release of this film include the resignation of President Nixon amid the Watergate Scandal and ABBA’s win at the Eurovision Song contest. Both of these events shaped a decade as Gerald Ford came into office and ABBA’s international legacy was successfully launched. However, to fully understand the intention of Blazing Saddles (1974), we must look back on the 1960s Civil Rights Movement. This movement created a small bridge into equal rights for all, but this bridge had to expand to fully be accepted and normalized. In fact, some plantations in the south remained in place until the early 1960s due to the descendants of the enslaved being held there by debt, so it makes sense that this normalization process would influence movies. As movies influence culture, Blazing Saddles (1974) aimed to use comedy to highlight how pointless racism is. As seen in the first clip below, once the townspeople started to realize that the Sheriff is helping, their opinion of him changed to be more accepting and respectful towards him. Although it took the townspeople a long time to adjust, it took Jim (Gene Wilder) nearly seconds to accept and respect the new Sheriff in the second clip below. This difference in acceptance and respect could be interpreted and seen as the good guys of the film, Bart the Sheriff and Jim, never use racial slurs while the bad guys of the film use racial slurs most often. All the while, the townspeople transition to almost never use such slurs and insults. According to The Guardian, the frequent use of the racial slurs, particularly the N-word, made Burton Gilliam “so ashamed to use the word that he apologized to the star, Cleavon Little, who reminded him of its villainous context in the script.”

1st clip https://youtu.be/mjU03P_6nbQ?si=Mh522oCE72bmo3XP

2nd clip https://youtu.be/LNTw3x40I0o?si=IvyGsSQRZD6Er-az

The film has a very unique style that makes the audience feel at odds whether to laugh or not. For example, the townspeople would create awkward situations with their reactions and use of racial slurs. Given all of such scenes have a humorous undertone, one really can’t help but laugh. However, it feels wrong to do so. One such scene is in the clip below. This clip is one of the best scenes in the film because of the quiet, awkward situation created by the townspeople's reaction to the near appearance of the Sheriff. The quiet nature drives one’s attention to the sudden outbursts of racial slurs and gasps from the townspeople. This particular clip is the base reaction to contrast with how the townspeople get acclimated to the Sheriff. This is in stark contrast to the early westerns which this film was based on. The massage of the film can clearly be heard in the title song provided in the second clip below.

1st clip https://youtu.be/IZT7xLjxuhs?si=YY41Hbp3aGLP4cch

2nd clip https://youtu.be/hzRmp-O496Y?si=ip-bA_vMDH9f1M6P

During the production of Blazing Saddles (1974), the director, Mel Brooks, was working on another film that had a similar style called Young Frankenstein (1974) which featured many of the same actors including Gene Wilder and Madiline Kahn. Other stars such as Harvery Korman and Liam Dunn all were well known through their other films and TV shows from The Hound of the Baskervilles (1972) to the Carol Burnett Show (1967-1978). As the story was new and unfamiliar, it makes sense for Warner Brothers to capitalize on such stars of the film industry. That was a major factor as to why the film was a massive success.

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dollypardonne · 11 months ago

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a beloved long for this world.

part of jennie always felt some sort of peace with the idea that a day will dawn when she's no longer among the living. she can accept the idea of her own demise, but kai's departure from this valley of strange humors left her puzzled. she thought it would be a sad time that you had to push through to get to the other side, and it was to an extent, the pushing at least, but it's become apparent that there isn't another side. that it isn't a feat that you conquer, a challenge that you beat, nor is it something that can be completed. it's not a task to finish. it became more clear the more she watched her mother submit to the notion of grief. it manifested in a tense silence that the floor quietly and attentively listened to. times spent together seemed to be no more than them sighing one unto the other, as if it was understood between the two of them just how intense the loss had hit them. it was her first pet after all, one that she'd grown up having around. how do you move forward from such a thing? it was inconceivable.

for months, she could only go through the motions and watch kuma embrace his sentiments a lot more openly and readily. kuma had naturally attached himself to kai, being the big brother to show him the ropes as a little puppy. the canine himself must have never thought the older would ever be away. and worse, just completely gone. she had spent the length of mourning trying to find ways to comfort the pomeranian, nights laying their heads into the fading light, slumber stretching until noon and awakening deep into the cruel days. jennie had mastered the art of minimising her own sorrows but even then, she wondered, how she was supposed to cope while also caring for a creature much vulnerable than she was. it stung, very deeply so. nothing could really compare to such an experience. perhaps this was a reflection of her pampered life but at the very least, she had come to believe she didn't need to constantly suffer just to grow. such a value, she was well aware, had been passed down to her by generations that came before and she was guilty of upholding them for much too long.

the drumming of the car's engine sent her senses to a lull, head cushioned by upholstery prior to the impact against the window regulator's control panel and the subsequent opening of the glass window just above. its disturbance awoke her with all her bearings lost until her focus tuned to a distinct noise—kuma's heart-melting barks. she gathered her composure and gave him some pets; on the head, on the chin, and finally he landed on her lap with her hands enveloping his tiny body. her chin rested gently on his head and she breathed a sigh, which was a mixture of relief and melancholy. it invoked the calm that she needed as the the car came to a stop and she's beckoned by the staff to enter the backstage of the set for the day: kang hyungwook dog guest show.

she hasn't done many of these, guesting in variety shows. a lot of her work centered within fashion and required no such promotions. but this was different. it was an outlet for her to share personal insights into her experience as a pet owner, to shed light on a facet of her life often unseen by many. even though she had stopped making music ages ago, there was still a solid fanbase for the entrepreneur, a good amount of people following her work and doing their due diligence in making sure she knew her musical career was still anticipated despite her showing no signs of returning to it. media appearances was one way for her to show appreciation to their dedication, futile as it may seem.

thoughts flood her head interminably once settled in the dressing room, in her seat with her make up and hair being done. she had set her mind to revealing the tragedy that had fallen upon their family, because that's what kai was to her: family. she didn't realise just how stifling it felt to think of ways to break the news until her brain untied this great knot that unraveled like a braid into what seemed like thousands of separate strands of fishing lines whipping underwater, waiting for something to bite, a thought that could properly tie it all back together. just one... or three. another sigh was let out. it blows the stray strands of her hair that the stylist quickly took care of and pulled into the rest of the buns embellishing the crown of her head.

you'll be fine, they said. she believed it, too. having seen episodes of the youtube show herself, she was familiar with the warmth that the host had a knack for spreading. she felt it through her phone screen whenever she watched and it's one of the reasons that urged her to come onto the show to begin with. it was hard to place where the fishbone stuck in her throat came from. she tried to swallow, tried to drink it down, to no avail. it's fine. it's fine.

the lights of the set peeked through the curtains inches away from the room furnished with a couch and an armchair, where the host sat. she looked down to kuma's pleading eyes. she picked him up in her arms, hands cusping at his paws, and a determined air to her as her feet teeter slowly forward. "it's now or never."

#voiceover: jennie #character study: jennie #para: jennie #052023 #first writing of the year weeee ofc it's for the favorite child the og the one and only

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audio-luddite · 2 years ago

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Skepticism in high end audio.

Be fair you really need it.

Years ago when The Absolute Sound magazine was run by Harry Pearson they had many really questionable recommendations. I learned a lot about audio and experienced many of the devices they liked first hand. Occasionally one could not help but screw up your face and think WTF?

The most egregious example was a product that was basically small adhesive dots similar to those felt feet you put on ceramic objet d'art to not scratch your shelves. A very serious sounding reviewer expounded at length on how well they worked. I am sure it was a placebo effect on the person, or he was lying, or he was joking. TAS was never known to to have a sense of humor. Imagine tiny pinky fingernail sized dots stuck on the side of an 80 lb speaker improving resolve and detail. Pure snake oil from the finest snakes.

One of the war stories in PS Audio's online Copper Magazine is of a one time salesman in a high end store asking a manufacturer what was it about his very very expensive new wires which made them the best. The answer was they are the most expensive. (and the store made huge mark ups on it) No mention of skin effect or quantum crystals.

So my recommendation when there is a glowing review is to simply not believe it. I have come to think if someone really likes a device that is just one thing on the score card. What do other people think? Does that company have a track record and is it a good one?

Another crucial thing is to remember these are all systems. The things connected make a huge difference. Sometimes it is a complementary voice. Sometimes it is an electrical compatibility good or bad.

It is fairly easy to distinguish good from not. Think of Harman Kardon. From the late 50s to about the 80s they had a deserved good reputation both for quality and value. The tubed Citation line was so good you can buy new built copies today. Real units from HK that survived the landfill command big bucks. The solid state Citation 11 preamp and the 12 amplifier were SOTA for a brief time in the 60s to 70s. (Stereophile Magazine) Even today they are good if maintained. I have a 12 and I know it is good. More modern units of similar power (Carver m-200t) just sound poorly in comparison. Fets and switching power supplies are not the key to nirvana.

A lot of small innovative companies have simply gone away. Others just plod along doing what they always did. McIintosh comes to mind. Solid reliable like a diesel engine.

My trust in Audio Research is solid mostly because they are one of the big boys and have been around for a long time. I also have an ARC SP 14 and can vouch for what I hear.

Yet products must come to market and sell and the golden ears need to help. That is their bread and butter.

So I started on this line after a video from that Audiophiliac guy. He interviewed a friend who has come to a place of comfort with his stuff. Enjoy the the talk.

youtube

Steve G is on the new equipment treadmill, but I think he is fairly honest but not immune to influence. He rates stuff and gets on to the next stuff. But neither he nor his friend have settled on their "final system" playing is fun, but not serious if you have the money.

#audiophiliac #skeptical audiophile #audiophile #high end audio #vinyl #cheap audiophile #tubes vs transistors #turntables #Youtube

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jordoalejandro · 2 years ago

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No Time To Die: One Year (And Change) Later

You know what's weird? I thought I'd written in my review of No Time To Die in the Films I Saw list earlier this year that I was considering writing up a full post with more of my thoughts about the film later on. But I just went back to read what I'd written and it's not there. I must have removed it in later drafts of the list, probably because I didn't want to pressure myself in even the most minuscule way to do some more work. Pretty smart, past me.

Anyway, I had been thinking of watching the film again and writing this post. I was originally going to do it not long after the list because I had access to the film during award season but I couldn't get myself up to watch it again and so that came and went. Then I thought, maybe I'll do it for the one year anniversary of the film's release. Give it twelve months to sit with me and try again. But I didn't have free access to the film and didn't have it in me to pay for it, so that also came and went. Then, a few weeks ago, it was on one of the movie channels during a free Thanksgiving weekend so I recorded it. And it has sat on the DVR for weeks now. A few days ago, I finally decided to bite the bullet and watched it again.

The long and short of this story being: my God was I not looking forward to this. I went to see Skyfall three times in the theater. Three! That's not something I do. I barely go to the theater and only rarely have I ever seen something more than once in the theater. That's how much I was into that film. I saw Spectre twice. Despite its faults and long runtime, I went twice to the theater to watch it. No Time To Die was sitting in my house, for free, multiple times this year and I didn't touch it until I forced myself to. Off the bat, that's just not the kind of enthusiasm a Bond film should elicit. A Bond film should be like a roller coaster. You should have your blood pumping. You should be laughing. (I guess screaming on a roller coaster. It's not a 1:1 comparison. Whatever. Stick with me.) You should be thrilled. And when it's done, you should want to turn around and ride it again.

I will say this, having watched No Time To Die again, I didn't find myself blinking my way through the second half of the film in disbelief this time, at least. I wasn't hit with the same sense of, let's say, for lack of a better word, horror, that I was while watching it in theaters. I was mostly just bored. Without the shock of witnessing for the first time some of the weirdest things happening in a Bond film in the franchise’s long history, it’s really just kind of dull. Is that an improvement? It's probably a lateral move.

Okay, let me get into it. This is going to be full spoilers blazing. You've had a year and change to watch it.

I'll start by noting that the first hour of No Time To Die is actually pretty good.

I did find myself a little annoyed this time with the opening to the opening: the flashback to Madeleine's childhood. It goes on for a little while and the horror elements are cheap. But whatever. It's a needed scene and there's nowhere else to put it.

The Matera piece is a great pre-title sequence. The Spectre raid of the London lab is fine, though the Obruchev character is out of control, in both this sequence and the film in general. For 90% of his screen time he plays like a Roger Moore-era cartoonish villain and then, right at the end, he starts spouting insane racist genocidal stuff towards the Black woman with the gun who has his life in his hands. It's like the writers got to the part in the script where they had to kill him and were like, "Aw, this is like killing a clown. It's more sad than anything. I’ve got an idea: what if he starts going all racist eugenics on Nomi for no reason. Bingo. Now that's a man who deserves to be kicked into acid!"

James Bond retired in Jamaica is solid stuff, leading to the Cuba sequence which is the high point of the film for me. It really sings. The action, the humor, the music. Bond has more chemistry with Paloma than he does with Nomi or Madeleine (which is a problem given where we have to get to emotionally later in the film; he also, by the way, has more chemistry with Moneypenny in their brief interactions) and the way they work together to complete the mission is a lot of fun. This is about the hour point in the film and where it takes a downturn.

The boat scene with Obruchev, Leiter, and Ash is sloppy. Ash gives up the game almost immediately and Obruchev gives him up for no reason. But, fine, we need Ash and Obruchev to run off and we need to kill Leiter. (I mean, do we need to kill Felix? It almost feels like it's done because: why not? We're already killing a bunch of legacy characters in this thing. What's one more?) Done. Bond and Leiter's final exchanges work and it's a nice send off to Jeffrey Wright, who was very good in the role.

We head to London and the film enters a lull. Bond spends the next 40 minutes or so meeting with people, arguing with M, and accidentally killing Blofeld in what is another really sloppy scene. The whole thing is written towards getting Bond to grab him and it still doesn't work well. This section of this film has very little life to it. Just moving pieces around and setting up the third act.

Bond then goes to Madeleine's childhood home in Norway and is introduced to Mathilde. I don't think I physically rolled my eyes in the theater when this happened but mentally, that's where I was. This leads to an extended chase sequence which is fine. It looks good but isn't exactly the most thrilling.

And finally we head towards the big finale at Safin's island base. I think there are multiple things working against this final act of the film.

One: the setting. This is sort of minor in the grand scheme of things wrong with the film, but the set design feels lacking for this whole finale. It's dark concrete on dark concrete on dark concrete. You never really get a sense of the space, mostly because it all looks the same. It's just not a particularly interesting place. Even the pieces that should stand out, like the lab with the acid pools or the poison garden just look like more concrete enclosures. There's a long one-take shot near the end that doesn't feel as neat as it should because it mostly features Bond running up a dark stairwell. Oners that are really cool -- like the one that opens Spectre -- often take you through multiple places, showing a whole world opening up as the scene plays out. A better setting wouldn't have fixed the bigger problems but at least it would’ve been nicer to look at.

Two: Safin. His goals are all over the place. He mentions to Mathilde that she'll grow up on the island like he did, so it seems his long term plan is to stay on that island with Madeleine and Mathilde and produce the killer nanobots. When he talks to Bond later, he offers him the opportunity to leave with Mathilde if he leaves him to his island, so it seems like he still wants to be there even though people know he's there. Seems untenable. Even if he's lying to Bond and plans to kill him before he leaves, surely others know of his location now, too. He later talks to Bond about wanting to eradicate people in a tidier way. And wanting the world to "evolve." Classic Bond villain psychopath stuff. So maybe that's the plan. Mass extinction. Or targeted extinction based on DNA. But then moments later, he talks about his "first buyers" arriving at the island soon. These two things seem at odds with each other. You can either be a mass murdering villain, intent on killing millions to shape the human race as you see fit, or you can be an arms dealer villain, selling your weapon to the highest bidder. But you can't be selling a weapon with the power to kill anybody on the planet in any quantity desired and still think you're in control in some way of what will happen after. Unless it's just like an overpopulation thing and all he cares about is that a bunch of people die. Doesn't seem like it because he never says anything resembling that. So what's the stuff with the buyers? If that's his end goal, why lie to Bond and talk about wanting to be a god and all that? Doesn't gain him anything. And what does he need buyers for? Does he need money? For what? Is the subterfuge the point? Again, for what reason? There's no clear goal here and, by the way, no clear immediate threat.

The back half of this act is about Bond running through the lair opening blast doors so that missiles that have already been launched can destroy the base. Never mind that Bond already blew up the lab that had all of the important stuff. There's a sort of ticking clock created by the idea that Russian and Japanese forces are converging on the island and if they get there? I don't know. Maybe they'll take the nanobots for themselves? Safin, as mentioned, seems to have no further short-term plans than selling the weapon to buyers. (If that's the immediate threat, maybe the missile launching battleship that's in the vicinity could take care of those people when they try to leave the island?) Basically the question that needs to be asked is why now? Why must Bond act at this moment to stop an imminent threat? That question is not really clearly answered. It's almost like the writers just threw a bunch of different things at the wall hoping that in the chaos, you as a viewer wouldn't question too much why missiles had to be fired at that very moment. The Russians are coming. The Japanese are coming. The buyers are coming. The missiles are coming. It sort of works. I didn't question it much the first time watching, though I also had no idea what Safin's plot and motivations really were then and still don't after a second viewing.

And jumping off of all of this: why Safin? Leiter, Blofeld, and James Bond all die because of Safin in this film. What is it about this character that feels appropriate to cause all of this? He had a vendetta with Blofeld, sure, but really had nothing to do with Bond. Not that, if I'm being honest, there's really a villain I'd probably be okay with killing Bond, but Safin is essentially some random guy. He's a step above Bond being killed in a mugging gone wrong on the streets of London.

Bond films are no stranger to weak villains or vague plots, but if you’re going to kill Bond off, if you’re going to do one of the most controversial things in franchise history, these things had better be razor sharp.

Three: Madeleine and Mathilde. I'm not necessarily questioning why Bond would sacrifice himself to make sure they're safe. I get it: love. But rather why make this writing decision for the character? In the same way I look at Safin and think, "This is the guy that finally kills James Bond?" I look at Madeleine and Mathilde and think, "These were the two characters Bond gave up everything for?"

This is not entirely the fault of No Time To Die. It starts with Spectre, a film I do enjoy even though it, too, falls apart after the midway point. Lea Seydoux is a good actress, but the chemistry was just never really there between her and Daniel Craig. There are moments in Spectre where you can almost see it (staying at L'Américain and during the train ride after) but it never reaches a point where you honestly believe he'd give up everything for her. It comes nowhere close to the chemistry Craig had with Eva Green in Casino Royale, which is sort of the baseline that must be crossed for this story to work (especially given that’s where this movie starts). Spectre ends with Bond seemingly giving up his life as a spy to be with Madeleine, so it's tough (or perhaps impossible) for No Time To Die to write its way away from that, especially if this is the ending it's going for. (So maybe that says something about the ending it goes for? More on that shortly.) Where No Time To Die's fault lies is that it does just about nothing to build on the relationship or strengthen it in a way that it absolutely needs. Bond and Madeleine fight and stay separate for most of the film and then there's one scene, at Madeleine's childhood home, and essentially one Bond monologue that's supposed fix all of that and make us understand she's the love of his life. The monologue is fine, but I don't think Craig delivers it entirely convincingly and it's overall just not strong enough to get us where we need to be.

And Mathilde. Bond has very little interaction with her. What we see is cute, but nothing especially deep. For the back half of this film to work, we, as an audience, have to accept that as a father he would immediately and entirely love his child. And we do! We accept that logic on a simple biological level. That parents love their children. My complaint is not really with that. We never question why Bond would make the sacrifice at the end for Madeleine and Mathilde, but for us to actually feel something about it, you can't simply rely on that. You have to give us a deeper connection. There’s no “I love you 3000” here to really gutpunch us emotionally.

Bond films have long borrowed from other popular films of the time and there have been similar recent uses of this trope – the hero choosing to make the ultimate sacrifice for their newly discovered child – in films like Logan and Avengers: Endgame. Let's look at Endgame for a second and see why it worked for a character like Iron Man. For one, the threat was much clearer and more immediate. We established an entire movie prior that there was only one way for the heroes to win, and that was for Iron Man to snap away Thanos and his army at the cost of his own life. We knew while watching the scene that if he didn't do it then, Thanos would take the stones back and reclaim control of the universe. The hero must do X or else the villain will do Y. That's just the basics. But looking deeper, examining it from a character standpoint: when Iron Man dies, we see why it fits for his character. This is the appropriate end to Tony Stark's arc. He begins as a partying billionaire playboy who cares only about himself and, through the course of several films, becomes a hero who is so selfless, he sacrifices his own life to save the universe (and child/wife/friends). Furthermore, he has a whole separate arc about parenthood. He grows up with an extremely cold relationship towards his father, which slowly thaws, leading to an incredibly moving scene in Endgame where he's able to speak to his father and, now, as a parent himself, is able to understand him as a person even better. It beautifully sets up the idea of what you'd sacrifice for your child. Furthermore furthermore, Tony Stark is a character who cares about the legacy he leaves. When he realizes it's weapons of war in the first film, he sets out to change it. By his last film, his legacy is one of sacrifice and love, carried on by those he cared for and who cared for him.

This is just not James Bond's character. He would die for a mission, for Queen and Country, because he's always recognized himself as a tool. As something meant to serve the greater good and if he dies in pursuit of that, so be it. The saddest I felt in the aftermath of Bond's death was the scene back in M's office, where his coworkers are toasting him. You know why? Because those are the relationships Bond has fostered. Those are the people who you really believed were closest to him and if Bond were to truly die, that's the sort of tribute you'd expect him to want. Leave me a scotch and get back to work. This is why Bond drinks and womanizes and has so few actual connections. He lives a life where everything is temporary because he never knows how long he has. And it's not like this hasn't been reinforced through these Craig films. Vesper's death in Casino Royale was brutal on Bond, and his first major lesson about attachments in this line of work. At the end of Quantum of Solace, he reinforces that idea by not killing Vesper's former lover and leaving her necklace behind. Skyfall sees Bond losing his surrogate mother and ends with him recommitting to the job "with pleasure." So having Bond, near the end of Spectre and through most of this film suddenly caring about family, or love, or legacy? It's trying to jam a square peg into a round hole. It's trying to make Bond a character he isn't. Safin, while holding Mathilde hostage, says to Bond, "Life is all about leaving something behind, isn't it?" The James Bond of 24 films prior wouldn't agree to that. Why now is he a character that feels this?

Ultimately, I think square peg round hole is the problem here. No Time To Die tried to force its way to this end point.

It already had the Madeleine character from Spectre and she's going to be the woman Bond would die for, despite their relationship not feeling any more significant than any other Bond girl relationship. And Bond has a daughter now, and despite never expressing any kind of desire for offspring or interest in leaving behind a piece of himself, he's now deeply invested in that.

And Blofeld is back, despite being a weak villain. Let's jam him and Spectre back into things. (This is part of a different problem of the producers committing to the continuous storyline, making it feel like they can't abandon anything from a previous Craig film, even if it wasn't exactly working. And Spectre itself was another square peg round hole situation, as they used the organization because they finally got the rights back to it after decades, even though the Bond films had already established Quantum as the shadowy organization of the series. Trying to explain how Quantum and Silva from Skyfall fit into the Spectre organizational charts was one of the weaker parts of that film.)

And they cast Rami Malek. And even though he doesn't seem a good fit for this role, he was a hot actor at the moment, and they worked hard to get him and so they had to use him. And they had already used Blofeld and there's really no greater Bond foe, so Rami Malek's Safin will just have to be one who ends Bond.

And, most importantly, they had Daniel Craig. And by all accounts, he wanted out. And he was promised many years ago that they'd kill off the character with him so he would be 100% out. And so they just pushed forward. They pushed towards this ending: with a villain that didn't make sense for it, a love interest that didn't get there emotionally, and a plot that was not fully baked because, my God, that square peg is going to get through that round hole, whatever it takes. It’s not a recipe for success. And again, this is a huge decision. This is perhaps the boldest storytelling decision in the franchise’s history. Why are you approaching it like this?

So, where do we go from here?

Well, first, a new Bond needs to be picked. He should be in his 30s or early 40s at oldest. Someone who can carry the mantle for fifteen years. I think the most important thing the next Bond actor has to have, more than the looks or the body or anything like that, is a love for the franchise. It has to be someone who really wants the role. Look, Daniel Craig was reluctant to take the role and has said that after Casino Royale he was already looking for a way out. I honestly don’t believe he hated the role as much as many people believe he did, but I don’t think he loved it. I don’t think he saw it as more than just another job. It doesn’t mean he didn’t care, but it’s like this: these films take months and months to shoot and they can be grueling shoots. Lots of stunts, lots of travel. Then you have to start promoting it around the world for several more months. That ends, you have a little time off, and then the pre-production cycle begins for the next one. It’s the nature of a franchise. Finding someone who is up for it means getting these films on a more regular cycle. One every two years would be nice, but it shouldn’t ever go longer than three years between films. And if you have to beg the actor to return between each film until he’s mentally ready (or browbeaten down enough) to do it, you’re wasting time.

Next, you need better planning. The producers decided to make the Craig films one continuous timeline. It’s not, on its face, a bad idea, but I think too many people look at the MCU and think, “Oh, that works. We’ll just do that.” We’ve seen more franchises fail at doing this than succeed. If you want to tell a continuous story over five, six, seven, maybe more films, you have to plan these things out. They tried to wing it with these Craig films and ended up with five Bond films where we see Bond: 1. Begin his career as a 00 agent, 2. In the next week or so after he became a 00 agent, 3. Years later when he’s considered over the hill but recommits himself to the job, 4. Retiring as an agent by the end of the film, 5. Dead. What kind of arc is this? Over Craig’s tenure we see his first few weeks and his last years. We also saw his villains go from Le Chiffre, a member of a shadowy organization, to Quantum, the shadowy organization, to Silva in Skyfall, which just ignored all that Quantum stuff because who cares, to Spectre, which says actually all that Quantum stuff was important, it’s somehow related to a larger Spectre thing and Spectre is the real big bad, a super evil organization that has been planning everything, to No Time To Die, which tells us no, lol, nevermind, Spectre is all dead because this Safin dude showed up. Again, what is this arc? It’s clearly pieced together on the fly.

Basically, if you want to be like the MCU, you’d better be like the MCU. That means a strong producer (or two in this case) with a clear vision and plan. Smaller name directors you can control and who can fit your vision. And a multi year story mapped out by a team of writers. Personally, I don’t think that team should include Purvis and Wade. Look, it’s almost impossible to tell which writer is responsible for what from the outside. These movies have multiple credited writers and even more uncredited writers. But I know this: Purvis and Wade have done seven Bond films now – some of the best reviewed and worst reviewed of the franchise – and it’s enough. (For what it’s worth, their only solo credited Bond film is Die Another Day, make of that whatever you will.) They’ve had their shot. They’ve made their contribution. There are so many talented writers in this world, it’s time to let new ones take a crack at it. (I say this knowing full well the producers seem to love these two. They’ve let other people take a shot at a screenplay only to have P&W come right back in and add their magic touch to it. So my assumption is they’ll be involved in the next one, you know, to get the ball rolling with whoever the new guy is. Oh, and that first one has some level of success. What’s it going to hurt to let P&W take a pass at a second draft on this new one…)

In my opinion, I think they should return the franchise to its roots. Films that mostly stand alone. You can maintain some connective tissue with recurring side actors, maybe a recurring villain if there’s a story there, but I think the films need to get back to just being fun two and a half hour stories. Look at Skyfall for inspiration. It’s the second highest rated Craig film on Rotten Tomatoes (92% to Casino Royale’s 94%) and it grossed over $1.1 billion worldwide (almost double what Casino Royale grossed and $200+ million more than any other Bond film). I don’t think there’s any magic or mystery as to why. It's not really connected to the other Craig films. It doesn’t need to be. It’s clearly not something people were clamoring for. It’s just the right combination of a great villain, great settings, great visuals, great music, and great action scenes. There’s a strong director at the helm who has a love for the franchise and put that love into the film. (It’s when they sort of dragged him back in to do a second one that they started to run into problems.) It’s not reinventing the wheel, it’s just doing everything a modern Bond film should do. Find directors and writers with a love for the franchise and let them make their Bond movie.

We’re 25 films into the Bond franchise now. I understand there’s always the thought in the back of one’s head that something vastly different needs to be done, some new twist must be presented so it doesn’t feel like we’re doing the same thing over and over again. But that’s not really the case. Bond movies just need to execute. They need to do the job they’re expected to do and people will love them for it. You have 25 films now to reference. To look back on and figure out what worked and what didn’t. Use them. Don’t overthink it too much.

Let Bond be Bond.

#writings

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