#they look like lil broccolis

[dio-the-thot-exterminator]

Weird question, but who has the embarrassing videos of their school play

[baby Meredith on the left, baby Debbie on the right]

That is an interesting question! We have a couple of choices >:)

Loriann

First option would be Loriann (Loriann is Matilda and Debbie’s mom).

Loriann would have some videos, this was back when they were a happy family <3 Since Loriann was a busy business woman she didn't have much time to go to their school events.

But the ones she did attend she recorded! (She would later put them in a storage unit and forget about them bcuz now it makes her sick to her stomach).

These videos would have been mostly of Matilda, she is a big theater kid and was also involved in every school function.

Idk if they are even cringe bcuz its Matilda, you know, they’d prlly be fire.

Matilda

Now Matilda would be the one who has videos from when Debbie and Meredith were super young.

(Since everyone hates Debbie now no one's going to let her be in a play, they’d prlly try n kill her, plus she sucks at everything).

I have conflicting opinions, both Debbie and Meredith would NOT want to participate, so they’d be tree #1 and tree #2.

But I also think it would be silly if they were given lead roles bcuz Matilda pulled some strings, her little sister is not going to just be a side character…Debbie flops.

Matilda would still encourage her though.

Debbie starts crying every time she's on stage.

[Lisa on the left, Becky in the middle, Hanna on the right. I drew this while trying to make mashed potatoes its kinda rushed 😭]

Becky

Becky is an obvious choice bcuz she wants to be a star.

When she's in her villain era she would TOTALLY do a CinemaSins style video with the play recordings and then upload them to the Rune youtube channel (she's such a meanie).

If she hates someone, she'd do some digging and find the videos, using them as blackmail (she alr has copies ready to distribute don't fuck with her)

Secretly tho in her diary she's scribbling about what she would do to make it better and how she should've been cast instead. 

Also Becky doesn't think she ever flopped (except that one time…) she's the best and has been since she was a weebabe.

That being said any play she would have been in is AFTER her glow up.

Becky would look back fondly on it. It would not be embarrassing for her, however it would be embarrassing for other people involved (mainly Lisa and Hanna).

Lisa hates it the most but Becky is like “take a chill pill, you’re standing next to ME!! It’s soooo unlikely anyone's going to notice you buggers” 

Here are some honorable mentions since they don't have schools or school plays they can't rlly record anything. But in spirit if given the opportunity I know they would. 

The Doctor 

The Doctor is the very supportive parent, attending all of his children's events and recording everything.

The parent who is helping make the costumes and stage props, and then afterwards takes you for some ice cream.

Honestly the best one on the entire list.

The Doctor has on occasion snuck Pheobe out of the lab to The Madam’s performance room so she could mess around on the stage.

That's his lil baby <3

These last 3 are kind of similar they are boring bitches.

Isla 

Isla does not care at all, but she is one of The Scholars so it's in her nature to record everything down.

Because she's imprisoned though she would not have access to a recording device.

She's kind of glad because she wishes she could never experienced this foolishness again..

The Scientist

The Scientist is also one of The Scholars so yes it's being saved.

He would also not care at all and think it's a waste of his time…

He’s still bringing out a camera and recording it in 4k while also transcribing it…

For archival purposes of course (he a fan)

Natalia

Since she's a robot everything is automatically recorded and saved to her memory.

So she would have it…but it's against her will!!!

She's a walking computer, it's her job to store information about everyone.

She doesn't understand the purpose of it, or why it would be embarrassing.

So if you were talking about it she’d deff pull it up and instantly start playing it “oh…you mean this video?” “wtf why do you even have that!??!”

If she ever needs more space in her memory she is deleting them instantly, they are useless to her. 

that's all I could think of off the top of my head. sorry for typosss

[thiscatiscreepy]

Hey broccoli's pretty good.

[jockdumboy]

Dumbass Douchebag Revultion Jock Bro

aight bro, u wanna join da dumbass douchebag revulution, huh? respect, bro, cuz we out here makin gainz an thinkin' less, da right way! imma show u how to turn off ur brain an get swole, bro. no need for smart stuff, just muscles an tank tops. u ready? let’s goo, bro!

step 1: stop thinkin’ so much bro – just focus on liftin

bro, smart thots slow u down. u gotta think less an just lift more. if ur thinkin, u ain't liftin! u need to clear ur head an focus on dem muscles, bro. here’s how u do it:

how to turn ur brain off, bro:

grunt a lot – bro, when u feel a thot creepin up in ur head, just grunt. grunts block out da brain stuff. erry time u grunt, u get a lil dumber but also more swole. more grunts = more gainz.

count wrong – don't worry about counting right, bro. just do like “1… 2… uh… 10!” don’t waste brain energy on numbers, bro. just lift until ur arms feel like noodles. numbers are for nerds.

stare at urself – da more u look at urself flexin, da less u think. mirrors are key, bro. flex in da mirror for 10 mins and u’ll feel da brain fog settlin in. if u ain’t thinkin, ur winnin!

step 2: eat like a dumb bro – food for less thinkin’

bro, smart people eat complicated stuff, but we ain’t needin’ dat. we gotta keep da food simple, so da brain stays off an muscles grow, bro.

simple jock meal plan:

brekfast: 10 egg whites, bro, no yellow stuff, cuz yolk is too complicated. jus crack ‘em an cook ‘em. don’t even think bout it, just eat dem. den drink a protein shake, bro, but don’t think too hard on how much powder u put in, just pour an shake.

lunch: chicken, bro, jus chicken. u don’t need nothin fancy. jus grab some chicken and eat it. da less u think bout flavors, da better. thinkin slows down da gainz.

dinnar: more chicken, or steak if u wanna switch it up. but don’t think too much, bro, steak is jus beef chicken. eat dat, maybe add some broccoli if u feel fancy, but dats it. simple = swole.

snakks: peanut butter, right out da jar, bro. don’t even use a spoon, jus scoop it wit ur hand if u gotta. drink protein shakes whenever u think too much, dat’ll stop da smart thots.

step 3: dress like a jock, bro – look dumb, lift big

bro, ur clothes gotta scream “i don’t think, i just lift.” da right gear stops ur brain from workin' an shows erryone dat ur all about da gainz.

jock bro style:

tank tops: da less shirt, da better, bro. if ur tank ain’t showin’ ur nips, it’s too much. u worked hard for dem muscles, show ‘em off. less shirt = less thots.

short shorts: u gotta show dem legz, bro. even if u don’t work legs much, u wear da short shorts. da shorter, da less brain power u use. simple math, bro.

backwards hat: wear ur hat backwards, always. makes u look more like a badass jock, plus it keeps da brain from overheatin’. dat’s science, bro, trust me.

step 4: act like a jock bro – no thinkin, just doin

bein part of da dumbass douchebag revolution means actin like u own da world, bro. don’t let smart people get in ur way, jus be loud and confident, like errywhere u go is ur gym.

how to act, bro:

flex errywhere: see a mirror? flex. don’t even think twice, just do it. flexin' is like a brain reset, it turns off any smart thots u might accidentally have.

talk bout liftin all da time: bro, if someone tryna talk bout somethin' else, jus say “yo bro, how much u bench tho?” dat’ll stop da convo from gettin smart. always bring it back to da gym, bro. liftin' is life.

grunt loud af: grunt whenever u do stuff, not just in da gym. grunt when u lift, grunt when u open a door, grunt when u stand up. it shows ur serious about bein' a jock bro an it keeps ur brain from thinkin’.

conclusion: welcome to da revolution, bro

bro, now u know how to join da dumbass douchebag revolution. jus think less, lift more, eat simple, an dress like a beast. we don’t need smarts, bro, we jus need gainz. u ready to be part of da swole squad? let’s gooo bro! time to lift and never think again!

[janitorhutcherson]

Groceries, Taxes, & Laundry (MSchmidt Fluff)

hey guys, it's me. i'm finally back. did y'all miss me? the writing of this is a lil diff, sooooo please enjoy and lmk what you think!

content: pure fluff yall.

-----------------------------

Grocery shopping with Mike Schmidt is… special, to say the least. He absolutely despises it. The dreaded time comes around at the end of every week, your vegetables in the fridge starting to wilt, the meat from the previous trip used up, and all of your snacks have been devoured from late night munchie runs to the pantry (xoxo i love gardening!!!). He knows it has to happen. He knows you’ll wake him up early on Sunday morning like always, because apparently it’s “better to get it out of the way,” which he thinks is, well, to put it lightly, utter bullcrap.

You’ll drag him and Abby out to your local grocery store, her drowsy and jittery all at the same time with the promise of pancakes from a local diner after. Once you arrive, you’ll pull out all of the far-too-expensive reusable bags out of the trunk of Mike’s dingy car, ready to fill them with the necessities. Why get those for 3 bucks when you can get the plastic ones for free? He’ll never understand your logic, something about saving the environment, but it’s okay, he loves you enough not to complain, at least out loud.

The fluorescent lights of the room filled with half asleep employees hits Mike’s eyes like he’s looking directly into the sun. He lets out a small grumbled sigh as he takes in the scent of sterile cleaning supplies and produce mixed in one, with the strange almost play doh like smell of the bakery. Your eyes cut over to him, eyebrows raised, Abby’s hand in yours as she rubs her droopy eyes. Mike can’t help but to crack a small smirk, his lips pursed together. “What?” he’ll question innocently, letting out a small snicker as you go deeper into the dreary establishment. 

At the produce aisle, Mike shivers a little as the water from the misting sprinkler on the shelves hits his bare skin. He should’ve worn his jacket today, he usually does, and he’s regretting the one time he hasn’t. Your eyes are glancing over carrots, broccoli, cucumbers, and squash, all that are somehow both too ripe and too.. What's the word... unripe? Sure, he’ll go with that. His hand reaches out to grip yours in a gentle grasp as Abby points to a particularly fluffy bushel of broccoli. “I want that one! It looks like pretty trees,” she giggles out, finally starting to wake with the day. You let out a giggle of your own and Mike smiles because of how pretty your laugh is.

Next, you’re in the snack aisle, filling the cart with doritos, barbeque chips, pringles, salt and vinegar chips (mike gags when you eat them too close to him), peanut butter filled pretzels, whatever can go in Abby’s lunch box and whatever is tastiest. Mike insists on buying the cheap queso, his nose scrunching up at the price of the name brand one. He knows it doesn’t taste any different.

Now you’re looking at meats, finding chicken breasts and filets, steaks, pork, whatever was on your list from meal prepping. Yes, meal prepping, Mike did that now. Apparently stable people with stable lives who had stable relationships did that. He’d grown fond of sitting over a recipe book with you on Saturday nights, really, shoulder to shoulder, pressed up on the couch well after Abby had gone to bed. Something about it felt safe, a kind of domestic feeling he wasn’t used to.

You’re basically done now, and he couldn’t be more relieved as you make your way towards the dairy section. He grabs a few things, string cheese, yogurt, cream cheese, cheese slices for sandwiches for work. Oh, did he mention he works in construction now? It’s stable, makes good money, and he’s home on time to see you, to be a husband-not-yet-husband (he plans to propose soon, but that’s another story), a brother-more-like-a-father, a person with a regular schedule. He looks over at you, watching as you and Abby skim over the different selections of chocolate and strawberry milk, finally settling on a carton of strawberry. He once again scrunches his nose, smiling all at once. “Nasty,” he mumbles out. Abby playfully hits his arm and you lean in for a kiss.

Finally, thank god, you push the cart towards the bakery section, grabbing bread and a sweet treat or two for the week. Cookies, a birthday cake for no particular reason, cheese danishes, whatever his little family was feeling for the week, that’s what it’d be. This week, it was a huge box of chocolate chip cookies and some kind of cherry pastry he’d never had before. You three finally head to checkout, where everything is stuck in those stupid reusable bags and the price of everything you got feels obscenely huge for what’s in your cart, but he pays it anyway. Walking to the car, in the trunk the groceries go as you all climb in one by one, ready to head for pancakes.

As he reverses the car out of his good (only because it was so goddamn early) parking spot, he can’t help but sigh, this time with contentment as Abby rambles on about a new imaginary (hopefully) friend, your own grin wide as you ask questions, making sure she feels heard. “I love you guys, love doing things with you guys,” Mike mumbles out, reaching his hand over to your thigh as he glances back at Abby too. And it was true, he’d do anything with you two. Hell, if all his life consisted of grocery shopping, taxes, and laundry? Yeah, he’d be ok with that too.

[jflemings]

— jessie and piper headcanons

from piper’s world !

back on the writing grind after taking a small break post blurb night :) i’ve still got some lil blurbs that i want to complete so look out for them!

୧ ‧₊˚ 🌺 ⋅ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

- before piper called jessie mama, she called her ‘my jessie’

- the two of them love to draw and read together. jessie keeps piper’s bookshelf stacked and they’ve read every single one

- piper looooooves it when jessie cooks. there’s never a fuss at dinner time if jessie’s making the meal

- if the two of them nap together

- jessie got piper a little ladybug onsie. it’s got wings and antenna and is the cutest little thing

- when jess heard that pip was missing only one ninja turtle soft toy from her collection, she immediately started looking around for it.

jessie remembered a big toy outlet near her hometown and asked elysse if she could take a look for her. elysse ended up finding the turtle toy and jessie sent her money to pay for it as well as the shipping to london

- since she grew up around jessie, piper picked up some of her little habits and quirks

- jessie and piper went on runs together when piper was growing up, much like jessie did with her family

- the two of them would practice taking penalties for hours on end and piper grows up to credit that practice to her penalty taking abilities

when she scores a winning penalty in the world cup with the matildas, she points jessie out in the crowd and mouths the words ‘because of you’. the moment goes viral and it’s a fan favourite

- jessie’s the one that got piper to like broccoli, because she cooks it better than you do

- if piper sneaks into you and jessie’s bed through the night she almost always ends up on top of jessie or curled into her so far that she’s almost pushing jessie off the bed

- jessie likes to hang up piper’s artwork in her cubby in the changerooms

- when piper gets older and taller than jessie, she drapes herself over jessie’s back and drags her feet so that jessie is forced to carry her

- they watch documentaries together

- the two of them can talk for hours on end about seemingly anything and everything

- when your team found out that you and jessie were together, piper started randomly telling katie and leah about all the things her and jessie do together so that they’d approve of you dating a chelsea player

- piper likes to help jessie cook

- if canada and australia play eachother, jessie will often wear piper’s matildas jersey and a canada scarf

- whenever the arsenal and chelsea girls would debate which team piper would grow up and play for jessie never got involved. she knows that piper is arsenal through and through.

- after the first time piper and jessie met, piper asked if she could see jessie again

- when piper finds out you’re pregnant with a second baby she becomes worried that she won’t be jessie’s anymore

she goes through a pretty rough patch with this but you and jessie figure it out relatively easy.

it happens again when piper’s a teenager, and it’s pretty hurtful for jessie to hear a second time around

- if you and jessie have a big argument piper will suggest baking you something sweet

- jessie and piper create many little traditions over the years that the two of them try to stick to well into piper’s adult life

[gamma-rae-bursts]

Courtroom Obsession pt.1

y/n is an ADA assigned to Special Victims Unit. She’s been dating Olivia Benson for the past couple of months and despite their crazy workload things have been going great between them. This is until y/n’s office is flooded with mystery flower deliveries that don’t seem to stop.

Pairing: Olivia Benson x Fem!Reader

Warnings: y/n has a stalker, it's mild in this one tho, lil makeout sesh.

Genre: Mostly Fluff, will lead to angst.

Word Count: 1400+

A/N: Would you look at that, I finally wrote something! This is a part 1 of what will probably be a 2/3 part mini series. Covers a square of my bingo.

It started with flowers. You didn’t think much of it, after all being an attorney meant that sometimes you would receive gifts from grateful families for getting a conviction. But the flowers kept coming throughout the week, all kinds of bouquets bound together with ribbons, sometimes even placed in white twined baskets, with no notes attached. You looked at the colourful petals displayed in your office, the white lilies perfectly complimenting the vibrant colours of tulips and irises. The types of flowers varied in each of the bouquets, but it was never roses. You hated roses. 

After a few days you started thinking it was your girlfriends doing, who else would have known this small rose-hating side of you. 

When you finished work on a Friday evening, you headed straight to Olivia’s apartment, hopeful to finally get a free weekend after closing multiple cases during the previous week. Considering the field both of you were working in and the recent increase in cases you’ve barely seen each other outside of the precinct for the past couple of weeks. You’ve only been dating for a few months, although things were official between the two of you, you opted to keep the relationship private from work. You aimed for your professional relationship to remain unchanged and as far as you were aware it was working. After all the last thing either of you have wanted was to become the centre of attention of the 16th precinct and 1 Hogan Place. 

The uber ride, although long, was very peaceful. You looked out the window at the streets of New York City that were beginning to fill with the darkness of dusk, taking in the sight of people rushing down the streets, probably hurrying to their homes before the city was consumed by darkness. After what felt like eternity you finally arrived at your destination, thanking the driver and handing him the cash, with a few extra notes as a thank you for not bothering you too much during the ride. 

You used the key Olivia gave you just a few weeks earlier to open the apartment door, just as you entered the space you smelled the array of scents of what you presumed to be Olivia’s cooking, wafting through the air, filling the space with warmth. You smiled to yourself while taking your shoes off, before following the aromas deeper into the apartment.

Olivia was standing in the kitchen, fully consumed by preparing on of your shared comfort meals and as it turned out, one of her specialties. You always begged her to teach you how to make the signature mac and cheese, but she always joked that if she let you in on the secret you wouldn’t need her anymore, hence keeping the recipe hidden away from you.

 You took in the sight of her, she was wearing a checked apron on top of her comfy clothes, her hair was in a half-up-half-down style, with a little bun on top back of her head. The domesticity of it almost melting your heart.

“You’re staring, again.” she said softly as she turned around to face you, with a warm smile on her face.

“I can’t help it; you just look really cute.” you laughed, as you kept shamelessly staring at your girlfriend. 

“Here, try this.” the detective reached out to you with a forkful of the broccoli she roasted to go with the dish, always adamant to up your vegetable intake. 

 You gratefully accepted the food, opening your mouth and letting Olivia feed you. You practically moaned at the tease of the perfectly roasted broccoli, making her smile. “This is so good.” you added when you finished chewing the food.

“I’m glad you like it my love” she whispered, placing a kiss on your forehead before getting back to cooking. 

You watched Olivia gracefully move around the kitchen for a little longer, before wrapping your arms around her waist and resting your head on the back of her shoulder. She hummed and gently leaned into your embrace, happy to finally get to spend some time with you and you had no plans on letting her go now. 

The two of you stayed like this for a while, Olivia effortlessly finishing grating the additional cheese and you only restricting her movements a little bit.

“You can stop hugging me now, you know?” she laughed while you only tightened the grip you had around her.

“No, I don’t think I can” you giggled and placed a kiss in the crook of her neck. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too sweet girl.” She turned around in your arms to face you, cupping your cheek she placed a soft kiss on your lips. One of your hands moved from her waist to the back of her head deepening the kiss. Her lips moved against yours in perfect harmony, you pulled her closer to you, desperate for the contact as she traced your bottom lip with her tongue, making you smile into the kiss. She reluctantly pulled away “If you keep this up the dinner is gonna get burned”  

You giggled and placed one last peck on her lips. “You know I wouldn’t mind, I’m sure it would still be better than that disaster of a carbonara I made before”

“It wasn’t that bad” she laughed before getting back to the task she was occupied with before you successfully distracted her.

“Oh really? How about I make it again this weekend then?” you asked raising your brow at the detective. The carbonara was indeed that bad and both of you were fully aware of it.

“Okay maybe I’ll stay on the food duty for now, but you can watch!” you laughed at her statement, happy with the offer as you didn’t want to risk poisoning your girlfriend with your cooking.

You moved around the kitchen in silence, while Olivia continued working on finishing the meal, when everything was either fully out of the oven or with only a few more minutes left to go you finally broke the silence in the room.

“Thank you for the flowers by the way.” you whispered looking at her, a warm smile spread across your face. “they’re beautiful.”

“What flowers?” she questioned, not having a clue what you were referring to.

“The ones that were coming into my office the whole week?” you raised your brow, now also confused. “I assumed they were from you since there was no notes and none of the bouquets had roses in them.”

“No, they weren’t from me but now I wish they were.” she looked at you, a slight glimpse of worry in her eyes. “Is there someone I should be concerned about?”

“If by that you mean whether there is some rookie detective or ADA waving their eyelashes at me then absolutely not” you assured her, brushing her through her hair with the tips of your fingers. “I’m sure they were from the families from previous cases, you know they like to show their appreciation for getting the perps convicted.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” she said letting out a deep sigh.

“Hey, no need to get worried.” you gently cupped her cheek as you looked into her eyes. “I’m a big girl I can take care of myself.”

“I know you are.” she ducked her head down a little “But you are also my girl, so I am going to get worried regardless.” Her hand softly rubbed your back as she burried her face in the crook of your neck.

The rest of the evening as well as the following days passed and before you knew it you were getting ready to return to the office on a Monday morning. You and Olivia slept in that day so both of you hurried to get ready and rushed out of the apartment, taking your respective rides to your workplaces.

When you entered your office, a white basket filled with tulips, lilies and dahlias as well as small strands of forget me nots was nestled in the middle of your desk. You examined your surroundings before examining the basket itself. It looked like every other one you received the previous week, although this time it came with a small envelope attached to it. You opened it, finding a rather simple card inside, with a handwritten note. 

“Can’t wait to see you again, V.”

***

Taglist: @bratty-subby-girly @ashbones

Join my taglist here, or DM me to be added <3

[nifreti-ii]

I wuv phthonus and ares TwT (and eros and mammon and beelzebub… and morpheus… and hubris… huh- I love them all in their own ways :3)

Remember sweet lil Pthonus (or moss ball, cause he cute like that) wiggled his ears when happy and AH THE FEELS AKLWHJLDLKAJWH SO DAMN CUTE WTF the image in my head is nothing compared to what I drew, my heart- And of course, I drew Ares cause he is, admittedly, my favorite. That and the last time I drew him I honestly didnt feel I did a good job on showing how bbg he is (because he is very bbg). I just UGH I wanna pinch and squish both of them UUUUUH THE CUTENESS AGGRESSION DUDE WTF  

I also gave myself the push to draw him in his outfit because I said nu uh to leather last time ( I think it’s leather Idk am bad at telling shit sometimes) but this time I said F it and did it! And now I know I can do (okay) leather :D Also Phthonus was the first time I tried drawing chubby and afro hair! I was honestly worried I wouldnt be able to do it but I did! (I guess pushing myself for everything else made this possible, so much more confidence!!! RAAAAAH) I really like his hair too 🥹 I developed my “Moss ball” Nickname cause they’re really cute lil buggers to look at and so is he (also- um, broccoli pfff)

(boring life shit) Also was tumbling down for the period of time that I havent posted (started drawing them right after my EXE drawing but my brain went-_AOKJWH)rrrrrrrr *crash* and had to do a hard restart) buuuuut I do feel much better and have another drawing in the works (kinda of a secondary drawing and primary one) the primary WILL be my most dynamic drawing! I will finish/do it damn it!

Check out my Masterlist for my art and (limited) writing! >:3

[tr0ubledberry]

Hi friends. I’m 21F and have been struggling with my body image since 2009 which led me to develop anorexia around 2014. I’ve been struggling ever since and have tried every trick and diet out there but have finally settled on my own so I thought I’d share it. First of all, recovery is a lie. There was a point in my life where I fully recovered but made me fat… it was nice not to worry about calories and all that but the pros outweigh the cons of an ED if done correctly. So think of your ED as a lifelong friend. In order to have an ED successfully for a long period of time you must go about it healthily. I know this is somewhat contradictory. I’m gonna include just some general tips, advice, and food alternatives. In a separate post I’ll be listing my favorite low kcal recipes so stay tuned.

~

GENERAL TIPS

•Drink water before, during, and after meals. This is absolutely crucial.

•During this period it’s important to spend extra time and effort on maintaining your vaginal health, immune system, fertility, and skincare !! Really important not to neglect these things especially vaginal care >.<

•Calories matter but make sure to eat nutritious foods. Must have a good judgment on when to splurge on kcals or when to go for an alternative. For ex: splurging on healthy foods that are a lot of kcals vs unhealthy processed foods that are low kcal.

•It’s good to strive for 1200 kcals or less. If it’s a cheat day or you’re feeling lenient then aim for around 1600 kcals. Never ever go over 2000 kcals.

•if you’re a foodie like me then you *have* to find creative and unique ways to curb your cravings. Otherwise your mental health will plummet. If you’re not satisfied then you’re either gonna keep eating or be miserable

•Remember your brain needs at least 330 kcals to function properly so if you’re feeling slow or disoriented then definitely have a snack or meal.

•Best drinks to have are water, sparkling water, tea, and coffee.

•If you eat over your calorie limit don’t fret, it’s not the end of the world. Just either work out or purge. Keep purging to a limit and don’t do it more than once a day. Ideally less purging is better so keep it for emergencies.

•Using apps such as my fitness pal are great for seeing what nutrients you’re deficient in or going overboard in. However I’ve found I lose more weight when I’m not using the app because I’m thinking about food less. However everybody is different and I would recommend at least checking out the application if you haven’t already.

•Vitamins are your bestie too!! I take a couple supplements to make sure I’m getting the vitamins I need for longevity.

•Cut down on silly calories like sauces and drinks by using alternatives. Also you can pretty much find a low kcal version of anything these days if you look hard enough.

•If you love flavor then these simple things will help like ~ seasoning, low kcal hot sauce such as Tabasco or sriracha, soy sauce, etc.

~

CRAVING ALTERNATIVES

•Juice or sugary drinks ~ low sugar Gatorade, fruit flavored teas iced with extra tea bags to give it extra flavor

•Soda ~ flavored sparkling water with powder or liquid drink mix such as crystal light strawberry lemonade drink mix

•Starbucks ~ just making my own mixed coffee drinks and sweet tea drinks saves so many calories

•Dessert ~ Gerber biscuits arrowroot (taste like shortbread), Gerber lil biscuits, cottage cheese, chocolate covered fruit or nuts

•Chips ~ Gerber’s Lil Crunchies Mild Chedder (basically cheese/ cheeto puffs), quest chips, or half a serving size of normal chips

•Ice cream ~ strawberry halo top

•Chocolate ~ alter eco or dark chocolate coconut fudge

•Mayo ~ miracle whip or vegan mayo

•Rice ~ cauliflower or broccoli rice

•Pasta ~ Chickpea pasta

[ssahotchnerr]

nothing more domestic than grocery shopping with hotch 😍 he comes off so disciplined but he’s definitely the type to add stuff to the cart that wasn’t on the list like cookies for the kids. also what type of food do you think hotch likes? I can see him loving Chinese takeout (probably from having it so much when he doesn’t have time to cook). like if reader was gonna make him his favorite meal, what do you think it would be?

sweet additions

AH okay this is just gonna be a lil blurb about shopping together hehe cw; mentions of food, so so so much fluffy banter

you and aaron had been in the grocery store, for maybe fifteen minutes now, and the two of you had definitely set a new personal record for how quickly you had managed to fill the cart.

prior at home, you had created a list of items to allow shopping to run more smoothly. for example, it consisted of aaron's coffee creamer, bread, macaroni and cheese (jack's lifeline), the kids' favorite cereal, and other miscellaneous things- just the everyday necessities your family ran out of fairly quickly.

likewise, it allowed for each trip to be a quick in-and-out, avoiding creating a collection of things you didn't really need. there had been numerous times you had been cleaning out the pantry or fridge, and came across various items that had been merely picked at.

however, and surprisingly so, aaron wasn't as dutiful to the list as you were. he usually referred to it as "a useful guide for suggestions".

you peered into the cart, your eyebrows drawing into a line- your husband's signature expression had without a doubt rubbed off on you after all these years.

"aaron."

"yes darling?" a rush of cold air met you as aaron opened a freezer door, selecting a bag of broccoli, and tossing it in.

with an arch of an eyebrow you reached inside, grabbing a package of dessert cakes and holding it up. "what are these?"

he made play at intently observing the object in question, narrowing his eyes quizzically. "i think they're exactly what you think they are."

"aaron!" you laughed, rolling your eyes teasingly. "we're sticking to the list!"

"then just add it to the list." he said in an amused, nonchalant manner, as if it were that simple. and to be fair, it was, but you'd never pass an opportunity to give him a hard time.

"you can't just add things to the list!" you whined playfully, causing him to laugh. his eyes met yours, a look of adoration within them. "that's why there's a list to begin with."

he exhaled a dramatic sigh, "fine, i may... or may not have promised a certain daughter of ours cupcakes."

you laughed, "oh honey, you're such a pushover."

aaron shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. "she has your eyes, i can't help it."

"softie." you mumbled, poking his side and causing him to jump slightly. one thing very few people knew- aaron hotchner was ticklish.

"i don't want to hear it, i saw you sneak those eggrolls." aaron countered as he leaned down against the handlebar of the shopping cart, a smirk replacing his smile. "are those on the list?"

"they are, actually." you mimicked his expression, and to prove your point, you held out your phone for him to see for himself. "and i got them for you, mr. i-live-off-of-chinese-food. so, i think a thank you is in order, don't you think?"

"ah, my bad." aaron readjusted his posture, allowing him to peck your lips easily. again, his eyes and smile were full of nothing but adoration, like there was no other place in the world he would rather be. "how'd i ever get so lucky?"

"i ask myself the same question every day." you joked, granting him another kiss but prolonging it for a few seconds more this time. "and i love you, you big softie."

[kiwiplaetzchen]

[Polyjuice Swap 2024!]

(Thank you @lil-grem-draws for being the mad genius behind this very special event!)

── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─☆:⭑🍂🍁🦇🍁🍂⭑:☆─ ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ──

── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─☆:⭑🍂🍁🦇🍁🍂⭑:☆─ ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ──

Nosy scurried beneath the countless feet scattered through the grand ballroom, slipping between shoes and robes like the stealthy menace he was. What had Will been thinking, trying to exclude Nosy from this event? Babbling on about how it "wouldn’t be safe" for the little Niffler - pfft. As if that was going to stop Nosy. Please. With so many sweets and shiny treasures gathered in one spot, how could he possibly miss this opportunity? This was a dream come true! Sebastian would surely be proud when he saw all the bounty Nosy planned to bring back home!

On the other side of the room, Nosy noticed a small commotion. A group of a group of magic stick wavers clustered together, muttering with evident irritation. Nosy tilted his head in curiosity. With all that distraction, surely nobody would notice if a small Niffler would squeeze his sneaky paws into one or two pockets... or nine.

With a determined flick of his tail, Nosy waddled over to the group as he slipped unnoticed among the distracted students. But before he could start his pilfering spree, something even more intriguing caught the Niffler’s eye. A door. Closed, and apparently of great interest, seeing how everyone seemed eager to enter. His curiosity burning to find out what was behind that entrance, Nosy seized the moment and squeezed himself through the tiny slit under the door. Easy.

With a proud huff, Nosy wriggled out on the other side, fluffing his teal fur triumphantly. Who needed a diet now, huh? Not Nosy. Nosy was smooth and sleek, thank you very much.

He quickly ducked under a nearby stool and took in his surroundings. The room was small and rather empty. There wasn’t much to note - another door on the other side, a dull, boring mirror (but Nosy already knew he was quite the looker), an old, dusty coat hanger, an overturned bucket, an empty high shelf, and one of those big black brewing pots bubbling quietly on the floor Sebastian explicitly told him to stay away from. Boring. Nosy let out an outraged honk. There was nothing in this damn room! Why did everybody want to enter such a boring room?? The little Niffler felt utterly cheated, his little nose twitching in annoyance. What was all the fuss about?

Pouting, the Niffler gave the room a scathing look and turned back to the cauldron, where a dimly shiny object caught his eye. With a hopeful squeak, Nosy waddled closer, only to find a plain old cup with a smattering of leftover broth. How disappointing. Nosy sighed. Seemed like someone had fled their meal in a hurry. Nosy shook his head. The pretty Prefect would never tolerate such waste of food. Tz tz. With a sideways glance, Nosy considered giving the abandoned broth a taste test. After all, it would indeed be a waste...

Curiosity getting the best of him, he stuck his snout into the cup and took a tentative slurp. It tasted strange. Like a mix of the blond dork’s stupid belt and broccoli - a veggie Nosy secretly enjoyed. Not that he would ever admit that to ANYONE.

Satisfied, the little menace sat beside the cup with a small, satisfied burp, licking his beak. Hmm, chunky.

But suddenly, a strange feeling crept through Nosy’s body. His beautiful fur bristled, and he started to shiver. His little belly making noises it had never made before, and his teal fluff was standing on end as a wave of discomfort rolled through him. The little menace squeaked in agony, writhing on the floor. Ow… Nosy honked miserably, crawling towards the door with teary eyes, his little body feeling heavier by the second. Weak squeals escaped his beak as another wave of pain washed over him. Nosy wanted to go home. Back home with Sebastian. Nosy had enough. The little menace just wanted to curl up in the hair of his Niffler Papa and be done with this horrid day. Ow…

Lost in agony, the Niffler didn’t even notice the tufts of fur trailing behind him like breadcrumbs until he was almost completely lacking his precious teal coat on the bottom half of his little body. Only, it didn't seem like his body was still that small. Nosy was growing centimetre by centimetre, his frame stretching and transforming with each passing second.

By the time the pain stopped, Nosy felt much larger than before, and the ground seemed so strangely far, far away. Why? What happened?

He glanced down in horror. Were these his paws? They were long and furless - no claws, no beautiful fur. WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS CLAWS? WHERE WAS HIS PRETTY NIFFLER FLUFF? HIS BEAUTIFUL TEAL COAT? Nosy let out a terrified honk, but the sound that escaped him didn’t sound like his honk at all. He sounded like a goose on the loose! This was not Nosy’s voice! WAS NOSY A DAMN FOWL NOW!? The Niffler's eyes fell to his chest. Jiggly, flubby, fleshy udders that looked horrifically out of place. And... nips? NIPS? ON NOSY?? AND WHERE WAS HIS BELLY POUCH?? The Niffler screechingly honked in pure horror, the sound echoing through the room as he rolled frantically on the floor, desperate to shake off this wrong skin, this awful new form.

With growing dread, he noticed the long, red hair draped over his shoulder. WRONG COLOUR! This was not the body of the Teal King! What had happened to him? Another panicked honk echoed through the empty room as he scrambled to his feet - or whatever these strange limbs were - desperate to escape. Swaying and staggering, his honks still sounding like the wild screech of a blasted birb. In a full-blown frenzy, the panicked Niffler sprinted around the room, wailing and crashing into everything in sight. He knocked over the mirror, toppled the coat hanger, and even sent the cauldron flying as he collided with every wall.

Suddenly, the other door creaked open. A Hufflepuff Prefect poked his head in, eyebrows raised in confusion. “By Merlin’s beard, what happened in here?!”

Nosy didn’t stop to think. He threw himself at the Prefect, knocking him over before storming out of the room. Somehow, he was stronger in this strange form.

Finally, the transformed Niffler burst out into the hallway in a wild cry. Onlookers turned in confusion, muttering to each other, puzzled by the sight of the strange girl with wild red hair, utterly devoid of any clothing, and darted through on all fours. "Was that @theodoradevlin?" some students mumbled.

Another strangled honk escaped Nosy’s lips as he desperately searched the crowd. Where were Sebastian and William? Nothing smelt familiar. His honk, warped by this strange new voice, filled the hall as he dashed away on all fours, hopelessly confused and very, very lost.

This night had gone horribly, horribly wrong.

[mewhenimanangel]

moon river, miles morales x reader

pairing: earth 42!miles morales x spider!reader

synopsis: you go out patrolling after making up with miles. you planned to hangout the next day, but plans change…

wc: 3.0k

warnings!: swearing, violence, slight gory details, death, google translate spanish

nia’s ౨ৎ notes: bye cause why was i crying while writing this. there’s going to be another chapter after this, lemme know if you want to be tagged!

prev ♱, fin ♱

it'd been a week since you found out about miles' secret identity. you've been ignoring his texts, calls, you even locked your bedroom window. you weren't sure if you were overreacting, maybe you were a tiny bit but then again: he's killed people and tried to kill you. but on the other hand he didn't know it was you.

but you were forced to see him again when your mom invited him and rio over for dinner, damn them for being friends. you dressed in some black sweatpants and a bunny t shirt.

you were lolling on the couch when someone knocked at the door. "n/n go answer the door!" your mom called out, finishing up in the kitchen. your nerves grew the closer you got to the door, you took a deep breath before swinging it open.

"hola, cariño" rio greeted pulling you in for a hug. you looked over her shoulder to see miles staring back at you, hopeful smile on his face. "you haven't been over in a while, i've missed you" she said taking off her shoes, miles doing the same.

"oh you know, just been a little busy" you coughed looking at miles. "oh well come by soon" she said rubbing your shoulders. she walked away to say hi and chat with your mom, leaving you and miles to stand around awkwardly. your heart ached, it'd never been like this before.

"miles!" nas ran up to hug him. "yoo nas what's up lil man" he gave him their usual handshake. "missed you" nas said. "missed you too lil man." he continued "you're not the only one i've missed" he said quietly, making you look at him. you were gonna open your mouth to say something but your mom called out and told you to come eat.

you sat down between miles and nas, getting a plate of rasta pasta with shrimp and broccoli. "missed your food ms l/n" miles said shoveling his food down his throat. "yeah why you ain't coming around no more, you're here almost every damn day." your mom said giving you two a knowing look. "wha-" you were about to say before she interrupted you "don't think i don't hear him come through that damn window" she smirked, nudging rio's shoulder, her laughing.

you and miles looked at each other before looking back down. "anyways yeah where you been miles? y'all okay?" she asked again. you looked at him for a moment before answering "u-uh yeah we're okay." he looked at you with a gladexpression, smiling to himself.

after dinner your mom poured some wine for her and rio, nas went to bed, and you and miles sat in your room. you didn't say anything to each other, just glancing every few seconds.

he was the first to speak up "listen princesa, i-i don't know what to do. when my dad died i really got lost in everything, i found out my uncle was working as the prowler and his reasoning seemed valid. so i figured why not help out my mom a little bit and do that too. we began working together and completing whatever tasks we had to. i-i didn't want to kill those people y/n" he began tearing up. you walked over to him, holding his face and rubbing your thumb along his cheek.

"i am not a murderer. i did what i had to do to provide, i don't like doing what i do, i hate it. but y/n i never ever meant to hurt you. i would kill myself if you ever got hurt. my heart hurts knowing that i was involved in you getting hurt" his lips quivered and you pulled him into a hug, letting him cry into your shoulder.

"i love you so much mi vida, you're my light" he whispered wrapping his arms around you, holding tight. he kissed you and you just let him "i love you too" you whispered against his lips.

"but..miles i'm not going to stop being spider-girl. i cant, not when there's people out there in need" you sighed. "okay." he paused for a moment before continuing "but i cant just stop being the prowler. pin'll come after me for sure" he sighed. "well then what do we do?" you asked flopping down on your bed.

he moved to sit next to you "i don't know, but i know i love you and i'm never letting you go."he said in a low voice, reaching for your hand. "miles, rio is ready to go" your mom told him, walking into the room. "okay. i’ll come over tomorrow, good night, princesa" he said pecking your lips before he got up. "g'night" you said back, trying to hide your quavering voice.

♱

later that night you snuck out your window to do some patrolling. you swung by buildings looking for any sign of kingpin or his meddling, but there was no sign of him. it was calm, too calm.

your spider senses went off, but not quick enough before you were struck in the side of your stomach with a sharp object. you lost your footing, and stumbled a little bit falling to the ground not before shooting a few webs to break your fall.

you looked down at where you were hit and saw a big knife sticking from the side of you. you groaned, trying to get up to see who had attacked you. suddenly there was a loud thud, kingpin landing down from the rooftop you just fell from.

"isn't this a sight for sore eyes" he chuckled, moving closer to you. you tried to get up but the pain from the stab pinned you down. "god i've been waiting to see you like this since the moment you made your fucking debut" he mocked the last word. he moved over top of you, bending down to hold the knife.

"guess if you want something done you have to do it yourself" he growled, twisting the knife around your insides. you screamed out in pain, bloodcurdling screams echoing back at you. you tasted your metallic like blood pool into your mouth, choking on it.

you fought as hard as you could to push him off. throwing weak punches at his face, your advanced strength still packing some heat though. he pinned your arms above your head with one hand, using the other to press the knife further into you. "you got nothing to say?" he mockingly whined

"it was stupid to try and fight against me. guess those spider powers aren't any match for a genius like me" he gloated. you spat blood right into his eye, making him take his arm off you for a second. you moved a bit before he was then thrown off of you, slamming into the wall of the building on your left. you looked to see who helped you and you were met with the prowler, miles.

he reached down and helped you up off the ground, holding you in his arm. "y/n go! you can't stay here like this" he said in his distorted prowler voice. "no i'm not gonna leave you to fight alone. i can help, im fine" you groaned. "no mi amor, go. now!" he said, moving you as kingpin got back up.

"prowler when i told you to keep her out the way i didn't mean go all fucking soft for her. what the hell are you doing?!" pin growled throwing a punch at miles, him dodging it. he threw his arm to claw at kingpin, cutting through his clothes into his skin. pin yelled out in pain holding his chest, stepping back.

miles jumped up and knocked him on the head making him fall to the ground. he stepped over him delivering blow after blow before kingpin grabbed him by the neck and threw him off him. he got up and swiftly moved over to miles choking him up against the wall. you got up and swung up to the side of the building before jumping down to kick pin off him, sending him to the ground again.

"princesa, i told you to stay out of it! you're bleeding out!" he scolded you. "miles i'm not gonna let you get hurt-" you were interrupted by the sound of a gunshot, looking to your side you saw kingpin holding a gun pointed directly at miles. your mouth fell agape seeing the dark liquid soak through miles' chest.

kingpin got up from the ground, heaving and groaning in pain. just then a car pulled up and the man in the driver’s seat yelled out “pin come on! it’s cops coming!” kingpin knew he couldn’t be seen around this, it’d be too suspicious so he ran back to the car "i'll deal with you later." he growled, them driving off.

miles fell forward into your arms and you rest him onto the ground, kneeling beside him. "miles! miles, no!" you said grabbing his face. "mi amor, im so so sorry, for everything." he coughed, reaching out to hold your face, wiping the tears from your cheek. "i am so sorry i wasn't who you thought i was, but please promise me that you'll keep going. continue helping everybody. continue being the light for everyone that you were for me. i promised to always love you and i always will." he pulled you down to give you a kiss. "and will you tell my mom i'm sorry? i never wanted to let you guys down" he whispered

"you didn't miles, you didn't." you cried rubbing the hand that was holding your cheek. he smiled at you "i love you, mi vida" he whispered. "forever." you said at the same time, you pressed your head down to his giving him one last kiss. you felt him pause and you looked at him "miles? miles?" you whispered watching as the life in his eyes faded away. you cried out shaking as you held his hand.

you heard sirens growing closer to you and panicked. you couldn't let them see him like this "i won't let the world paint you as a monster miles. my sweet sweet boy." you whispered, giving him one last kiss. frantically taking off any of the gear that would make him recognizable as the prowler, you left him in a blood stained t shirt and pants. an officer came running down the alley way and you swung to the top of a building.

so here you were, swinging back to your apartment, prowler mask and gloves in hand, knife twisted in your guts bleeding out with tears blurring your vision.

you forgot you'd locked your window, so you rushed up the stairs of your building, pounding on your apartment door.

your mom opened the door, face dropping seeing the state you were in. "y-y/n?" she pulled you into the house wrapping you in her arms. "mommy, m-miles is dead!" you wailed into her shoulders, blood staining her pink robe. you poured your heart out, telling her everything. the fact that you're spider-man and miles is, was, the prowler. the fight you just had with kingpin, everything. she held you in her arms as you two dropped to the floor crying together.

♱

you were currently in your mirror, tending to the cast that wrapped your torso. your black dress laid out on the bed, black heels laid next to it, it was a dress miles had bought for you so it felt right to wear it . your mom came into the room to do your hair. you were getting ready for the day you never even imagined having to get ready for - miles' funeral. it's been five days since he passed away that fateful night.

"are you ready?" she asked holding you close. "u-uh yeah i just need to get dressed." you replied, holding back tears you felt like you've been holding back for days. "no baby, i mean are you ready?" she asked. "no." you whispered. but then again who would ever be ready to bury their best friend, the love of their life.

she held you for a moment before breaking away "we have to go baby, you can't be late" she whispered giving you a kiss on the forehead. you nod your head biting your lip with anxiousness.

you got dressed and went out to the living room, nas running up to hug you "m'sorry n/n" he whispered into your side. when nas had found out the next morning that miles was gone he cried into your mom's chest, miles was like a brother to him and he looked up to him so much.

your heart broke all over again when you had to visit rio. the police called her and told her that her son was found shot dead in an alleyway. when you knocked on her door she was a mess.

you told her that you were spider-man and everything that happened with king pin, deciding to leave out the part where her son was the prowler. "rio i am so so sorry. i-i feel like this is all my fault. i swore i would always be there for him and and i-" she interrupted you "and you were cariño, it warms my heart knowing you were there with him in his last moments." she smiled "that boy loves you so much. he always talked about you no matter what. when jeff died, it was so refreshing to see him smiling and laughing again. he always said he would love you with everything he had, until his very last breath. and i guess he did." she chuckled wiping the tears from her eyes.

you reached an arm out to hug her, your heart aching for her. she lost her husband and now she'd lost her baby.

you stepped into the limo, mila and serenity already there with their parents. you sat in between them and they hugged you the entire car ride to the funeral home.

when you entered, you saw rio with her sister at a table going over things. she looked over and saw you enter, smiling and giving you a small wave. you looked around and saw his beautiful brown skin, brown eyes and pearly white smile plastered on a big canvas next to the white wooden casket, flowers gathered on top of it. a bouquet shaped like a heart with pink flowers sat by it, that was your addition.

the service went along smoothly. the home was filled with people miles would talk to at school, a few of your friends who came to console you, and his family. you sat in the front row with rio, aaron, nas and your mom. the preist led prayers and condolences, then aaron went to give a eulogy, your leg was bouncing frantically knowing you were up next.

when it was your turn your mom squeezed your hand and gave you a sorrowful expression, trying to tell you it would be okay. you walked up behind the podium, placing the letter you wrote atop it. you cleared your throat, placed the microphone in front your face and began.

"hello i'm y/n l/n, miles' girlfriend. i met miles in the fourth grade when we were nine and eight years later, i love him every bit the same. maybe not the same actually, my love for you has only grown everyday. for all the smiles you gave me i never imagined you would cause me this many tears" your voice broke. "i never even imagined the day i would have to write this. i have loved you ever since i met you. i loved being around you, whether it was being wrapped up in my blankets watching gossip girl, or the random dates you would take me on, or climbing into my window at night so my mom wouldn't see you" you giggled looking over at her.

"seeing your face was the highlight of my days. and my heart is in a visceral ache knowing i will never get to see you again" you continued, choking on your words. "since you died it's like everything i've done is just a reminder that i'm living without you. it's such a surreal feeling losing such a beautiful soul like you, someone who always knew how to make me happy. i've been crying into my pillows every night holding on to the teddy bear you bought me wishing you would randomly appear on my bed and hold me and tell me it was all just some sick joke. but i know that won't happen, because you're gone, but you forever live on in my heart" you said softly, fiddling with the promise ring on your finger.

"i hope that in some other universe, you're alive and you're safe and we're on a date, we're on your favorite rides at coney island. we're on a boat rowing through the central park lake. we're in your room, me forcing you to do my beauty routine with me" you smiled. "so this isn't necessarily a goodbye, more of a thank you for all the sweet things you left in my home, my head and my heart." you finished, walking back to your seat.

“oh baby, i’m sure he’s watching over us right now�� rio said holding your arms. you nodded your head and smiled before sitting down, resting your head on your mom’s shoulder. rio made her way up to say what she needed to and you swore you had tissues to your face through out the entire speech, by the time she walked back down you were lightheaded.

everybody made their way outside to the graveyard, standing around the grave that was dug. the priest said a few words before they lowered his casket into the ground. you absolutely broke down seeing him being lowered into the ground, throwing a red rose and your eulogy letter atop the casket as they began covering it with dirt.

when the reception ended and everyone ate and shared stories of their lives with miles, everyone was given a balloon to release for him. you held a heart and one shaped with the initial ‘M’.

serenity and mila wrapped their arms around each of yours as everyone released them. you heard an array of “we love you miles!” “goodbye miles!” from everyone. “goodbye miles, i love you. forever.” you smiled, letting your balloons go.

taglist ʚɞ

@itsberrydreemurstuff @alecmores @darksidescorner @insomniafrog @gwennesy @randomhoex @fiannee @am-3-thyst @melanie456 @missussmorales @spritecactus @laiflower @catushi @chispita279 @spideys2cute @iwannahaveaprettyaesthetic

[somesecretpie]

~Hello friend, welcome to my blog~

I am a pie with legs and I look like this

What flavor am I? God knows! I am currently creating a longform webcomic called Broccoli Soup! (With an exclamation mark). It is deranged bible fanfiction filtered through seven layers of autism. You can find it here.

I reblog stuff I like, mostly art and comics. I love receiving asks and messages!

About me:

I use they/them pronouns

I live in the Sam Houston National Forest underneath a large rock.

I am an entomologist

list of things you will find here and what I tag them with:

#broccoli soup comic (Anything pertaining to my very Polite and Good webtoon Broccoli Soup!)

#pie dream comics (Comics about dreams I’ve had)

#pie doodles (silly lil doodles I’ve made)

#pie writes (short fiction I have made)

Oh hey what's this down here???

THIS IS CHAPTER ONE OF BROCCOLI SOUP, READ MORE HERE

[seokjinsonlyone]

now i just wanna talk about jungkook as a personal trainer

like why can i see him falling for someone he helps like not even someone who's like a super fit regular gym goer like let's say you just start going randomly and one day you're trying to figure out how to use one of the machines and he sees you struggling and comes up next to you and tells you how to do it and of course you stop breathing bc this is obviously the hottest person you've ever seen in your life and you are NOT feeling attractive rn but you let him help you with it and smile and thank him when he's done and you think that's the end of it until you go back the next day and he's there again and he spots you out and approaches you makes sure you're doing okay and you assure him that everything's good but he lingers around you a lil pointing stuff out fixing your form when necessary and you understand he's doing his job but you really did NAWT ask for help so you're a lil irritated and that goes on for like 5 business days before you lose the polite smile and are just like "you know what. i GOT it" bc you cannot work out in peace when he is there right around you making you nervous

and he gets it once you start being a bit short with him that he needs to get lost but he's oddly drawn to you and he can't help himself so he says hi when he sees you asks how you are and then goes about his business and you're grateful that he backs off a bit so you can actually focus on your workout but it kinda burn you up to see him helping out other girls the way he was helping you which is stupid bc in your head there's no way he would ever be into you he was just doing his job the only consolation you get is that you still feel his gaze on you as you do your thing like every time you happen to see him he already looking at you and it's actually a good thing bc one day you're doing squats and you overestimate yourself legs are more wobbly than you anticipate and you almost drop the bar but he's there in an instant helping you and your heart is beating fast adrenaline coursing through your system bc that could've been bad and he scolds you for squatting without a spotter and tells you to come find him whenever you need one

so then there's a dedicated two days a week he's spotting you on leg day and it's kinda the highlight of his week and not just bc he get to see what that booty do in them leggings 😭🙏 he finds out in between sets how cool and funny you are and gets a little greedy and mentions how you should book a full session with him and you laugh it off the first couple times he says it but then you realize he's being serious and as good as spending a whole hour with this man sounds you not about to pay for a whole session like you not that dedicated to the gym life and you tell him as much but then he offers to do it for free and you can't help but agree to it and honestly after his workout you think that he hates you bc he tried to kill you and he offers to buy you dinner as an apology which fries your brain bc up until this point you were so sure that he was just being friendly and doing his job but now you're not so sure

and dinner is awkward bc you weren't even sure when you crossed the threshold of being friends much less whatever this whole thing was and you didn't even know what to order like you were out with this super hot personal trainer like were you supposed to order a salad? some broccoli?? you didn't know but then he ordered a really indulgent burger and some fries so you didn't feel bad for following suit but you definitely didn't eat the whole thing even though you could've you had to beat the pig allegations and you were even more confused about what that was when he paid for your meal at the end like was that a date or was he just chivalrous you had no clue and you didn't have time to figure it out afterward either bc life got in the way

and jk felt so stupid bc he wasn't nearly as forward as he wanted to be didn't flirt enough didn't kiss you like he wanted or hold your hand didn't even realize until he got home that he didn't have your number and he wanted to kick himself but he assumed that he would be able to make up for it the next time he saw you except that never came after the first week he thought maybe you were out of town after the second he thought maybe you were readjusting after getting back when it came to the third week and you still hadn't shown up he was worried so he looks up your file in the system and gets your number and he's really not supposed to use that for personal use and he hopes you don't mind but like he can't keep letting time pass like this so he texts you and finds out that you don't mind that he has your number and that you're fine physically at least just stressed and busy and he's asking if there's anything he can do to help and you're like unless you're a pint of ice cream i don't think so next thing you know he's asking what's your favorite flavor and then he's asking for your address and then he's in your house with your favorite ice cream and you're ??????

and next thing you know he's on your couch sitting next to you spoon feeding you bites of ice cream and that's when you're finally like "do you like me?" and he doesn't even try to deny it he's just like "yeah" and you're like okay and you just sit there cuddling him on the couch for the rest of the night while you process this turn of events and you just kind of exist in that state of knowing he likes you for a few days which makes him anxious bc he knew where he was at but he didn't know where you were at like you let him come over and hold you and you talked and laughed and flirted but you didn't say so explicitly so he was ????? until you were walking him out the fifth day after he confessed and when he reached to hug you you cupped his cheeks instead and rolled up on your tippy toes and kissed him like caught him completely off guard so when you pulled away he was all blushy and it made you wonder how someone so big and buff could be such a baby but he was your baby now you guessed you had to make sure though first so you asked "are you my boyfriend?" and he had to make sure first too so he asked you "do you like me?" and you were like "yeah" so he went "yeah okay i'm your boyfriend then. and you're my girlfriend" and he was glad that he could finally focus at work again bc he seriously spent so much time worried about you he was feeling neglectful to his other clients and you told him that you were glad he could focus now but if he treated any of his other clients the way he was treating you that you would kill him and y'all lived happily ever after the end <333

a/n: i blame the last ask and jk's most recent live for this particular rambling

[infinitystoner]

🐊 headcanons...

If Loki was somehow forced to buy birthday presents for Thor, Tony, and Nebula on their birthdays...what would he get them?

God of Gifts

Masterlist

Word count: >900 Author’s note: I don’t think I’ve ever written anything so quickly, but I couldn’t stop imagining Loki giving gifts to everyone! Here’s a sweet lil’ gen fic/drabble featuring some of my favorite Marvel characters.

This was ridiculous. Nevertheless, Loki followed his brother into Stark’s cabin. 

“Happy birthday to us!” Thor bellowed, flinging his arms open and nearly knocking Loki back out the door in the process. 

It was not Thor’s birthday, nor Loki’s. It was, however, the birthday of the Iron Man himself, Anthony Stark.

“We don’t know when our birthdays are,” Thor had bemoaned as Pepper handed out party invitations earlier in the week. 

“Oh, how heartbreaking!” 

“I know when my birthday is,” said Loki, rolling his eyes at her sympathetic look.

Thor was shocked. “What? How?” 

“I asked.” 

Of course, Loki didn’t know his exact birthday, but the day Frigga had claimed him as her own was good enough for him. Loki also knew Thor’s birthday, but that was of little consequence. 

“You are more than welcome to celebrate with Tony, Thor. You too, Loki.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Loki replied as Thor gave Pepper a hug so mighty that her feet left the ground. 

And now, Loki was at said party. Worse still, he’d procured gifts. 

He surveyed the room, giving a cordial nod to Banner and Colonel Rhodes before approaching his first target.

“Many happy returns, Stark.” Loki gave a hesitant smile to the man leaning against the kitchen counter. 

“Glad you could make it, Horns. Can I fix you a drink?” Tony asked before taking a sip of what Loki surmised was scotch. 

“No, thank you. But, speaking of potables…” 

Loki pulled three amber vials from his pocket and placed them on the countertop. 

Tony set down his glass, picking up one of the tinctures instead. “And what exactly is this?”

“A gift.” Loki rocked back on his heels before continuing. “Your wife has you on a special diet, does she not?” 

Tony’s brow furrowed. “Yeah…”

“Well, one drop of these elixirs will make even the blandest of health foods taste like,” he tapped his finger on each jar as he explained. “Cheeseburgers. Fried potatoes. And doughnuts.” 

Without a word, Tony retrieved a piece of broccoli from a veggie tray on the kitchen island and poured a drop of liquid onto the florets. With a flourish, he took a bite. Loki watched in satisfaction as Stark’s eyes widened.

“Schiiit–” he mumbled. “Unbelievable.” 

Loki was caught off guard by the hug.

After explaining the magic behind the concoctions, he headed towards the living room – and his next target.

“Best regards, brother.”

“Ah, thank you for playing along, Loki,” Thor laughed, wrapping an arm around the younger prince’s shoulders as he sat on the couch. “I am glad to celebrate with you.” 

“In honor of this most special occasion,” Loki replied, pulling a small brown parcel from his pocket and handing it to Thor. He picked at his palm as his brother opened the box, revealing four miniature figurines.

“Loki,” whispered Thor, his voice catching in his throat. “I- I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

Blinking back tears, Loki watched as Thor carefully sat the small figures on the coffee table. First was Frigga, resplendent in gold. Next was Loki, with gilded horns and emerald cape. Then Odin, complete with Gungnir. And finally, Thor, strong and mighty with lightning in one hand and his hammer in the other. 

“Is this what you’ve been toiling away at in your workshop all week?” 

“Yes, and I actually quite enjoyed the process,” Loki confessed, leaning forward to observe his own handiwork once more as he donned a mischievous smile. The figurine of himself was a few millimeters taller than Thor’s – practically undetectable, but Loki knew, and that was all that mattered. 

“Just don’t let the Valkyrie see these, or she’ll want me to make enough to sell at the New Asgard gift shop.” 

After promising Thor he’d work on figurines of the Warriors Three next, Loki headed out onto the front porch. There was still one gift left to give. 

Nebula sat alone on the steps, looking up into the night sky. 

“Heading back out there soon?” Loki asked, settling down beside her. 

“That is the plan.”

“Here. For your adventures.” He handed her a tarnished skeleton key. 

“Is this going to make our ship smell like eggs or something?” Nebula turned to him as Loki chuckled. Her skepticism was warranted. He was the trickster prince, after all. 

In truth, the key was a relic from his youth. Long forgotten until yesterday, when he discovered it in his workshop. 

“It is enchanted,” he explained with a grin, “but for use as a tool. That key will successfully pick any lock and open any door in the galaxy.” 

“Liar,” she hissed, but Loki caught the twinkle in her black eyes as she observed the serpent at the key’s bow emit a green glow, twisting into itself.

“I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough,” he said, straightening himself before walking to the front door. “Happy birthday, Nebula.” 

“How did you–” By the time she turned around, Loki had already disappeared. 

***

“Some Migardian traditions aren’t so bad, are they now, brother?” Thor teased as they walked back to the compound later that evening. 

Loki shook his head, but he couldn’t hide the smile spreading across his face. No, maybe life on Earth wasn’t so bad after all. 

tagging @loki-cees-all @sarahscribbles @cleo-fox @tripleyeeet @use-your-telescope @the-lady-amphitrite @liminalpebble @fictive-sl0th @coldnique @joyful-enchantress @superficialdomina @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @tallseaweed @maple-seed @loopsisloops @mischief2sarawr @asgards-princess-of-mischief @fandxmslxt69

[sophsicle]

i know very little about hockey but have heard a ton about the hughes brothers - is there a reason only two of them play for the same team? what's the big deal about jack hughes? i want in on the lore soooooo bad

THE HUGHES wow a great topic

So Quinn is the oldest and therefore was drafted first (7th overall, 2018, to the vancouver cannucks woop woop)

he has major older brother energy, he is like so chill and calm, but also *precious*

like, for example, one time him and Jack were in an interview and they were like "who has more game?" and Jack was immediately like "me" and Quinn was like "in what?" like this boy is sitting there like "what game we talking about? monopoly, jenga, twister? the specifics are important people!" meanwhile jack is like "yeah i get bitches"

Quinn is captain of his team and he does such a good job and they're gonna win the cup i just know it

also he constantly looks either high or distressed and that is very relatable 2 me

Jack is the middle child so he got drafted next (1st overall, 2019, New Jersey Devils), and he is just a lil guy but don't tell him that because he will remind you quite forcefully that he's actually 5'11 SO shut up, he famously does not know how to cook broccoli (interrupted his roommate once while he was doing a charity livestream to ask him how to cook broccoli and his roommate was like "literally what is happening rn"), has swoopy hair that the girls love, and had a BRUTAL first season, for real, did so bad, everyone hated him, but then he had a comeback, we love to see it

Luke is the baby, so he was the last one drafted (4th overall 2021, New Jersey Devils) so they end up where they end up because the teams choose which players they want to draft, but it was very cute when the Devils drafted Luke because jack was literally VIBRATINg with excitement like, you have never seen someone so happy

(skip to about 1:00 and you will see what I mean!)

Luke is kind of behind his brothers, partially due to being the youngest and partially cause his brothers are two huge NHL stars and Luke is mostly middle of the pack, like he is a good hockey player he's just not quite on their level (at least not yet)

but the true beauty of the hughes brothers is how much they absolutely adore one another, like constantly are like "my brothers are my heroes, they're my best friends, I love them so much" and it truly melts your heart 2 see it

[madraleen]

Mob Psycho 100 Mob Psycho 100 II A two-seasons commentary

Season 1 -no idea what i'm getting into. i sauntered here through va works. hopefully it's fun.

-he's good, isn't he. takahiro sakurai

-that yoshitsugu matsuoka, huh? chef's kiss

-the guys in mob's fitness club are so NICE. it's cool

-oh gee, mob is about to see ritsu getting in a fight as an esper, that's gonna hurt both ways

-dude, that's sad. ritsu telling mob that he didn't actually admire him but fear him? that they couldn't have a fight as brothers so as not to stress him out? someone give mob a hug

-wow wait, mob treats his little brother with such maturity??? way to go mob, respect

-dude? mob going consciously berserk and using his powers bc someone's hurting ritsu? so good? and ritsu losing his shit when mob is getting hit?? so good??

-might i suggest dimple possessing reigen. it would be a win-win situation

-eh?? EEEEHHH?? reigen is the claw boss?? b-b-but...

-the way mob, who's usually so reserved and distant and inexpressive, loves ritsu so openly, so sincerely, so wholeheartedly, it's just so heartwarming

-ah fuck off, you tricked me into thinking reigen was the boss

-holy shit?? reigen turning into the real mvp in the claw hq??

-oi, reigen is making me tear up, what

Season 2 -aww emi and mob are cute

-i know. I KNOW reigen is reigen, but damn, his mentor dynamics with mob are so sweet. he really tries to understand him and look out for him and guide him well.

-ah. okay. the way ekubo reminded mob who he is in mogami's world made me tear up a bit. and wah, mob's getting stronger. what a great ep

-not saying that reigen didn't bring this notoriety all upon himself, not saying it's totally undeserved, but maaaaan this is depressing

-oooh bb mob has known about reigen from the beginning that his master "is a good guy," lil bb :") they're sweet, man, they're sweet. they have a sweet dynamic, even if reigen is reigen.

-ritsu having a breakdown behind the desk at reigen's advice to tsubomi, peak comedy

-OI WTF I DIDN'T EXPECT SHO TO JUST FUCKING SHOW UP AT THE KIDS' PLACE WHAT THE FUCK

-A FIRE?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING

-surely not? surely the fam isn't dead? surely? SURELY?! hold up, no??? surely not???

-RITSU! THEY'RE ALIVE!

-ritsu randomly being with sho throws me off so much, like, even if it's for good reason WHY ARE YOU THERE, YOUNG MAN

-"everyone lacks something. people making up for others' deficiencies is what makes this world go around."

-it's wonderful seeing mob evolve as a person. and this support system he has, and that everyone has with each other, chef's kiss.

-THE GIANT BROCCOLI