#they literally have lyrics like “fuck your faith. no one's gonna save you.”

[superthirstparty]

omg not people on social media canceling bring me the horizon cause they put "if jesus christ returns, well just kill that fucker 2x" on a promo poster

have these guys ever listened to bmth or have they just conveniently ignored all the anti religion lyrics that have been there for YEARS?

or all the interviews where oli talked about religion?

[fuckspn]

hey! do u have any song recs or a playlist for ur dream supernatural soundtrack with American folk/ dark country

[i didn’t mean to make this into a playlist but this answer got very long and i realized it would be more considerate to do so so here it is]

HELLO AMAZING QUESTION I WAS RAISED ON FOLK MUSIC

anyway i don't care about genres so don't @ me about whether or not these are all "technically" folk but here's laura fuckspn's top 13 supernatural-adjacent folk traxx (some of which already appeared on my dream amv songs playlist but who cares):

eliza gilkyson's cover of "is it like today" by world party. MASSIVE tmwwbk vibes. i can't even select particularly relevant lyrics because the whole song is so fitting

"bible belt" by dry the river. fellas are you ever forced to step in for your absent, alcoholic parents and raise your younger sibling(s) while mourning the youth that was robbed from you and silently wishing you could just leave? dean winchester can relate

"milk and honey" by eliza gilkyson. another biblical banger. a deeply tragic season 15 vibe for when the characters realize that every part of their lives was orchestrated for them, there is no free will, and the happy ending they thought they were grasping towards was an illusion. alternately another killer tmwwbk soundtrack option

“me and the devil” by soap&skin. not only is this a loose cover of “me and the devil blues” by robert johnson, who in supernatural canon was killed by hellhounds, but it’s so fucking SPOOKY it would make any major dramatic moment that much cooler. bonus points if it’s put in a context where john, chuck, dean, or sam is actually the devil being talked about in the song.

"helplessness blues" by fleet foxes. the tension between the easy comfort of being an obedient cog in the machine and the fear that rebelling would only expose the fact that you're not unique and special enough to survive outside the machine!! the inability to escape the machine and the uncertainty of whether you even want to!! THE team free will dilemma! also just saying if cas had an orchard he'd work til he's sore and dean would wait tables and soon run the store

"think about you" by eliza gilkyson. it's literally a song about driving around the country, stopping in small towns and shitty diners and sketchy inns, thinking about your lover who isn't with you. deancas anthem

"tear down the house" by the avett brothers. if i think for more than 3 seconds about the fact that dean actually has memories of having a home and a family and a normal childhood and then losing all of that i will Scream. play this over any Winchester Family Feelings scene for instant death

“heavy” by birdtalker. ngl this one’s completely hypothetical because it would only apply to a scenario where team free will dealt with their issues and practiced any amount of self-reflection

"paradise hotel" by eliza gilkyson. aimlessly hoping for paradise while going through the motions, an eternal play being put on by an unknown puppetmaster, illuminated by the neon lights of a hotel sign. could fit virtually anywhere in the show from season 4 onwards

“rocks and water” by deb talan. i still haven’t seen an episode with resurrected mary but this strikes me as a MASSIVE mary song. it should 100% have played over mary hunting and fucking and killing and generally being everything but the perfect angelic mother in the white nightgown.

“jews for jesus blues” by clem snide. literally season 4 dean! now that he’s saved he wishes he was damned!! i absolutely love when upbeat-sounding melodies are contrasted with dark situations/lyrics and the idea of this jangly alt-country song playing over dean killing demons and undergoing an agonizing existential crisis fucks severely

"the man from god knows where, pt. 1” by tom russell. the lyrics on this one may not be super specifically fitting to the show because, like basically all tom russell songs, it’s a ballad, but are you really gonna tell me supernatural couldn’t have used a song about a revenant wandering the country calling upon dead immigrant ancestors to rise from their graves and tell their stories?? you could write an entire episode around getting to use this song and it would SLAP

“highway” by eliza gilkyson. i’m about to start chuck won truthing here but HOLY SHIT imagine this song as cas’ pov of the finale. being forced to watch the people you love die at the hands of god himself while you are trapped and unable to intervene. again, happy melody+fucked-up situation is my absolute jam

+ bonus because it’s a ludicrously sappy idea but “sanctuary” by eliza gilkyson plus canon deancas would kill me on the spot. though my trust is gone and my faith not near, in love’s sanctuary thou art with me!!!!!!

+ one more bonus because the lyrics don’t really work but still the final scene of supernatural literally should have been a dialogue-free montage of all the characters’ peaceful domestic lives set to “the wind” by cat stevens

idk how many of these would actually work as a show soundtrack because i’m not a video editor but whatever the point is folk music—

[rainsongmp3]

ok not to be a fucking clown BUT led zeps song houses of the holy compared to spn

this ask!!! so i’m gonna do like spn as a whole but it works with the episode houses of the holy too (that episodes lives rent free in my head)

let me take you to the movies/can i take you to the show/let me be yours ever truly/can i make your garden grow the first and last verses in the songs are the same. i think they represent everything sam and dean (and every other character in this goddamn show) can’t have in a (primarily) romantic relationship. it’s a normal relationship with dates and support and a home. i’m now kinda thinking that the first time it’s sung is like sam and dean circa season 1/2 where they want this and still think that maybe, just maybe, they can still have it. and the second time it’s sung it’s like season 15 sam and dean realizing they’re never going to have the white picket fence life, but they can have a (mostly) healthy romantic relationship within the life they’ve built, sam with eileen and dean with cas.

from the houses of the holy/we can watch the white doves go/from the door comes satan’s daughter/and it only goes to show/you know this is a sam verse. sam who believes in God and prays every day and has unwavering faith (houses of the holy episode baby), but it still lucifer’s vessel. every time sam tries to get close to the divine and the holy he just gets the devil. insert lucifer’s line from season 11 about how it was never God and it was always him.

there’s an angel on my shoulder/in my hand a sword of gold/let me wander in your garden/and the seeds of love i’ll sow/you know dean verse! dean, the soldier, the michael sword, the righteous man, who wants nothing more than a quiet life with a family. i’m not saying deancas, but i’m totally saying deancas. if i think about this anymore my brain will liquify so ur only getting vibes on this one.

so the world is spinning faster/are you dizzy when you stall?/let the music be your master/will you heed the master’s call/oh... satan man this screams season 4 sam. the demon blood addiction, ruby’s manipulation, letting lucifer out of the cage! it’s all there! but ruby being the music and sam’s master and then lucifer being the master whose call sam has to heed!! that is so good i can’t even express it. 

said there ain’t no use in crying/cause it will only, only drive you mad/does it hurt to hear them lying?/was this the only world you had? this reminds me of season 5 dean. dean is still messed up post-hell. he had to deal with sam’s betrayal (in his eyes) with the demon blood and ruby. and now he has to bottle up all his crap so he can literally save the world.

ugh!! i know i just did a weird version of a lyric analysis, but i’m hoping u got at least some of what u wanted from that. i know i promised by dean x zeppelin thesis a while ago and i haven’t done it yet, but i swear i’m working on it!! it might help if i like break it down a bit and do separate songs like this. anyway, this is episode one of zeppnatural.

[gladiatortale]

Baz Pitch Songs - Ben Platt

TL;DR: Baz’s anxious internal monologue lives in the lyrics of Ben Platt’s album, Sing to Me Instead.

I’ve been breaking my own heart for days now with this information and I need to share it with the WORLD. 

Okay so I am still an overflowing well of FEELINGS after reading Wayward Son, and in the wake of this I come to the conclusion that there is no better encapsulating soundtrack for the mood of this book than Sing to Me Instead. 

The entire album is a goldmine of angst and adult-ulescent zeitgeist (that shitty late teen/ early twenties age where nothing makes sense and there is no road map for anything). But I’m going focus on two song’s in particular that are so unbelievably Wayward Son Baz, that they smell like fucking cedar and bergamot. OKAY.

Song 1: Grow as We Go

Something I needed to continually remind myself as I was reading Wayward Son is that Baz doesn't actually know that Simon is thinking of breaking up with him. Nevertheless Baz’s pain, confusion, and ongoing identity crises - built out of months of stewing silently in between the first and second book - comes through in every single one of his actions. This is especially true in the book’s early chapters. 

To anyone who has been with a partner suffering from depression, the scenes in the flat and at the airport ring through as painfully familiar,

“He’s lovely. A bit of a sad mess. Dull and pale and rough around the edges. But still so lovely.” (Wayward Son, Chapter 9)

Baz loves Simon so much that it hurts him to even think of not being with him. And yet despite not actually knowing Simon’s intentions before Penny slammed a door on his face, (lol) Baz’s anxiety grows from a true fear of losing him; whether that’s losing him to someone else or to depression, the fear remains the same.

ENTER BEN PLATT.

The opening lyrics of Grow as We Go sound like they were written by Baz himself in a letter to Simon,

“You say there's so much you don't know You need to go and find yourself You say you'd rather be alone 'Cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else.” (Grow As We Go, Ben Platt)

(Knowing British people as I do, it’s a bit too much sharing all at once to be something Baz would say all at one time, but I’m getting off topic). These lines encapsulate the bleeding heart bargaining Baz feels as he worries Simon is slipping away from him, while at the same time focuses on the fact that Baz still feels they are destined to be together after everything they’ve survived so far. 

“Ooh, who said it's true That the growing only happens on your own? They don't know me and you.” (Grow As We Go, Ben Platt)

Baz would say to the rest of the world, even to Simon himself, that they make each other better by being together.

“I don't know who we'll become I can't promise it's not written in the stars But I believe that when it's done  We're gonna see that it was better That we grew up together” (Grow As We Go, Ben Platt)

There’s SO FUCKING MUCH to unpack so I’ll keep in brief. This entire passage links back to motifs from Carry On. 

Beginning with the star motif (which I could and MIGHT write a whole separate essay about); Stars have been known to appear during incredibly vulnerable, shifting moments in Simon and Baz’s relationship. We first see the motif when Simon shares his magic with in Carry On, and the motif reappears more with a more cautious, anxious tone in the back of Shepard’s truck withWayward Son. Which is why when it so poetically appears in this verse, it feels like the perfect match to Baz’s tone.

However, the real gut punch of this song comes when we examine this line from Chapter 11, in conjunction with the aforementioned section of the song,

“‘They’re not that far apart,’ I say. ‘Not to you; you grew up in a mansion.’ ‘I grew up at the top of a tower,’ I say. ‘With you’.” (Wayward Son, Chapter 11)

The final line of this section of the lyrics are SO important because they connect to these specific lines from Wayward Son painfully well. They encapsulate Baz’s wish to grow old (as much as he can… ohhh WE’RE GETTING THERE), more specifically to continue to grow old with Simon. Together these passages highlight that, despite Simon’s gradual attempts to pull away from Baz (ironically due to what Simon perceives as kindness), Baz still has faith enough in the strength of their relationship to try and keep them together.

In essence, go listen to the song. It’ll smash your heart into a million pieces, but you’ll still thank me for recommending it.

Song 2: In Case You Don't Live Forever

AAAAAAAAAAAAH. OKAY. 

Here’s where shit reeeeally hits the fan. I’m going to get the obvious out of the way right now. 

For the first time in the series, we see Baz actually confront the reality of his immortality in Wayward Son. I know there is still a question mark hanging above this statement because Baz is an semi-unreliable narrator and we only can know what he does, but his conversations with Lamb brings to light the true reality of his condition: Baz can, in theory, live forever. What is also frighteningly true - and a fact which Rowell herself hasn’t even fully articulated yet - is the fact that Simon, as far as we know, won’t live forever.

CUE BEN PLATT AND HIS SAD PIANO MUSIC.

“You put all your faith in my dreams You gave me the world that I wanted What did I do to deserve you?” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

This self-depreciative, I-dont-deserve-anything tone is PAINFULLY in line with Baz’s own internal monologue. Throughout the majority of Carry On (as well as the just under a decade which preceded the events of the book) Baz have lived convinced that Simon is going to kill him one day. When that inevitably DOESN'T happen and they end up together, Baz cannot believe his luck.

“I've waited way too long to say Everything you mean to me” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

AND DESPITE HIS PERCVIED SPECTACULAR LUCK, this FUCKING numpty waits until the LITERAL second to last page of the SECOND book to say how he really feels,

“I raise my voice: ‘Why cant you see that I wouldn’t be happy anywhere without you?’ He sits back, like I’ve slapped him.” (Wayward Son, p. 353)

This ties in beautifully with - so much so I was screaming at my desktop as I listened to it - the second verse of In Case You Don't Live Forever,

“I, I've carried this song in my mind Listen, it's echoing in me But I haven't helped you to hear it We, we've only got so much time I'm pretty sure it would kill me If you didn't know the pieces of me are pieces of you” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

Baz’s hesitation, whether born culturally out of a stubborn British habit not to share your emotions for fear of oversharing, or hesitation specific to his relationship with Simon, has kept him from speaking his mind. It has kept him from speaking about how deeply his life has been changed by Simon, and how fleeting and short their time together truly is.

WHAT MIGHT PROMPT BAZ TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THIS?? Perhaps the realization that Simon won’t live forever, that he has to say these things to him In Case You Don't Live Forever.

MIC DROP. 

Aaaaaand cue the saddest line of the song, please...

“In case you don't live forever, let me tell you now I love you more than you'll ever wrap your head around In case you don't live forever, let me tell you the truth I'm everything that I am because of you” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

The absolutely heart wrenching scene (“Simon… love… get up. We still have to save Agatha.” NOPE. Still not over it!) as they fight The Next Blood in the dead spot, when considered together with Lamb’s words from earlier in the novel, is truly the moment when Baz realises he will lose Simon someday.

In this way therefore the song connects Baz’s internal monologue as it looks forward toward the events of Anyway the Wind Blows. 

Now. I would not DARE try to put words in Rowell’s mouth, but when viewed holistically with Baz’s final actions in Wayward Son (his realization of the temporality of Simon’s life against the length of his own, and his brash declaration that his life is hardly worth living without Simon in it) Platt’s song sets to music the logical trajectory of Baz’s emotional state and desires in a way I sincerely hope we see in this next and final novel.

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

BONUS:

THESE LINES FUCKED ME SO MUCH I CAN’T EVEN B E G I N TO UNPACK HOW MUCH THIS IS JUST THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND THE WAY BAZ SEES SIMON.

“I have a hero whenever I need one I just look up to you and I see one I'm a man 'cause you taught me to be one.” (In Case You Don’t Live Forever, Ben Platt)

GGGGGAAAAAAH  I’M DONE BEING ANALYTICAL. THAT LINE JUST FINISHED ME OFF. 

[savage-rhi]

Sky of Atoms: Death Stranding Fanfic Ch. 5

GENE 3.0

“C’mon Dawkins, keep it up!” Gene heard one of her coworkers shout towards her as she began loading more scraps into the incinerator. Bits of cargo and packages that couldn’t be recycled had a first class ride to hell itself at Brisk HARPY. Gene was sweating like she had been trapped in a sauna for hours, minus feeling refreshed and restored after the fact. She stopped briefly, wiping off the sweat that creased into her brow before shoveling another large pile into the open flames. Gene hated it when she got recycling duty. Sure, she could do the work no problem but that didn’t mean she enjoyed it. Not to mention she was getting fed up with her partner Ned for not picking up the pace and leaving most of his part for Gene to take care of while the bastard was on lunch. Unfortunately for Gene, automation wasn’t accessible for this kind of work at Brisk HARPY. 

Gene recalled the UCA making up some sort of excuse, couldn’t risk putting expensive equipment out in the West yet due to the high amount of colonies and drifters who could potentially steal it all. That’s why it was important to keep getting more groups to join the cause, so people would have access to technology that was very much limited to the East Coast.

Gene was beginning to have a groove going on regardless of how much she hated this part of the job. The trap like beat playing above the speakers in the incinerator chambers kept her moving. This genre of music was old, but her ears could stomach it compared to most crud her coworkers insisted on playing. Occasionally she whistled to the song as the lyrics would come soon joined by a small chorus of her coworkers doing the same thing as they piled more heaps of metal into the pits. It wasn’t all that bad when people actually did their job and didn’t throw it onto another.

“Dawkins!” Gene’s head rose up as she adjusted the straps of her tank top, making sure to keep the protective pads secure so the flames wouldn’t melt her clothes off. She looked up at her boss--Stark, and let out a puff.

“Yeah? I’m kind of busy here!” She said as a matter of fact before Stark gestured her for her to get a move on and meet with him in person. Gene took off her gloves, tossing them near the locker units for someone else to deal with before letting an older coworker know she wouldn’t be able to finish the job. Usually when Stark showed up, one of two things would happen: he either had a job for you, or he was about to chew your ass out. In Gene’s case, she wouldn’t be surprised if she got both handed to her.

Brisk HARPY paid good, but management could’ve been better in Gene’s eyes. Sometimes she couldn’t blame Stark for being pissed off most days. The UCA had some unrealistic expectations and deadlines for Brisk HARPY compared to the likes of Bridges and their co-partners Fragile Express. It was enough to turn anyone into an asshole twenty four seven regardless of professionalism.

“Good news Dawkins, your numbers are looking good.” Stark started off as he lead Gene into his office space, taking a seat and gesturing for her to do the same across from his desk.

“What’s the bad news then?” Gene asked, bracing herself as Stark raised a brow at her like she was a petulant idiot.

“Wow, you’re really pessimistic you know that? I don’t always bitch you out.”

“So I’ve been told many times, and yeah, you kinda do.” Gene said matter of fact.

“I didn’t call you to rip your asshole a new one. Not this time at least. I got another delivery job for you, its UCA top priority.” Stark said as he began messing around with his cuff link, going through some paperwork before he sent it over to Gene and then gestured for her to check it out. Gene went through the motions, fingers tapping away as she looked over the details. Occasionally, her eyes widened seeing how much red tape was in this delivery.

“What do you say, you up for it?” Stark asked, snapping Genes attention back to her boss.

“Yeah, it’s damn good pay. Long trip though. I’m gonna need to pack and need any porters heading back west to restock the safe houses to the best of their ability.”

“You know that’s not always a guarantee, but I’ll put the word out.” Stark said which Gene appreciated. Despite him being a callous jerk most times, he did have his moments where he could be understanding. Stark had been part of the porter industry ever since it first got started. Once upon a time, he was running around much like Gene was, trying to make people’s lives easier delivering goods and getting paid handsomely. The years of endurance could visibly be seen on him along with the hardships he endured. Despite being in his late fifties, he was in good shape save for the many scars and old bullet holes that littered his arms and face that told many stories. He had his share with death on the job lord knows how many times. Lost count, if Gene recalled correctly when Stark was pressed to answer one day by another associate. Stark was under the belief that most porters were getting too ‘cozy’ now in terms of their work, being too trusting of folks after the UCA was fully established along with the chiral network. Gene agreed with him to an extent, but he was older and a bit out with the times. Things were getting better in the world since the BTs left. He seemed stuck in the past.

“Not for nothing, but do you know what exactly I’m going to be delivering?” Gene asked curiously as Stark grunted, giving a shrug of his shoulders.

“I have no fucking clue kid,” he said and took out a cigarette, lighting it up with one of his mechanical fingers on his cybernetic right hand, giving a few puffs before continuing. “UCA sends their shit down the grape vine, you poor souls end up with what I got. Make sure you’re well prepped and don’t be getting your foot nearly hacked this time. You saw the paperwork, can’t afford the likes of MULE’s or god knows who to snatch this off of you. It’s literally my ass, whether you make it back alive or not and I’m not in the mood for the UCA to potentially charge me in the courts cause you fucked up.”

“If you don’t have that much faith in me, then why assign me the job?” Gene asked, her tone somewhat defensive as Stark once again grunted after taking a drag from his cigarette. The bitter smoke flew into Gene’s nostrils as she adjusted in the seat to avoid getting hit with the brunt of the smell.

“Because you’re the only competent porter I can think of at Brisk HARPY. Even though you’re late on delivery more so than most dumbshits here, your records a clean slate. I know you wouldn’t meddle with whatever the hell the UCA needs sent to that particular colony. You’re good at long stretches too. I estimate you being out in the field for three weeks at most unless you bump into trouble. I don’t normally say this, but take your damn time and make sure no one or anything gets near the package.” Stark gestured his cigarette at Gene almost as if it were a stick and he’d hit her upside the head if she said anything otherwise. Gene merely nodded and got up from the seat, ready to go back to the grind at the incinerator chambers.

“There anything else I need to know, Stark?” She asked.

“Yeah, on the way to the UCA client you got a couple deliveries. I’ll patch them to you on your cuff link. You should get cleaned up, get some rest and be ready to head out on the double. No lollygagging. Move your ass Dawkins.”

Gene snorted, letting out a small laugh at Stark’s jerk off streak then left the office. The first matter Gene took care of was getting some grub after working recycling for most of the day. Brisk HARPY was connected to a colony-state via underground networks and such. The facility housed up to two thousand people. A quarter working for Brisk HARPY while the others worked with the UCA or general labor. Gene liked how large the communal cafeteria was.

There were over four hundred people currently occupying the space. Some enjoying coffee and fruits grown by the nearby city, and others bullshitting about their jobs and family life. Most people came to Brisk HARPY for work, so it was interesting for Gene to see families actually living here. Many were displaced because of the terrorist acts Homo Demens carried out within the last two years. Brisk HARPY’s facility was one of the safest in the Western part of the UCA in terms of keeping terrible folks out. The place was fortified to the point where launching a bomb wouldn’t do shit to the structure or stability of the establishment. It was no wonder families were beginning to seek residence here, but that meant trying to find some way to incorporate them into the culture. Most folks in the Brisk HARPY sector had no family and had no intentions of creating one. Hell, some of her coworkers purposefully chose to work for Brisk HARPY because they wouldn’t have to be in the presence of kids in particular. Gene lost count how many folks called the children around the place crotch goblins among other unique nicknames. She was indifferent to children, not exactly maternal but understood it wasn’t the kids fault they had to live here and so Gene treated them like any normal person unlike some of her own coworkers.

Gene went through the cafeteria line, settling for some slices of bacon and a huge portion of potatoes. It had been a month since she had either. Slowly as people began to reclaim land and such, growing things like potatoes and having tech to produce genuine bacon was gaining traction. Foods that were thought to be long lost due to the Death Stranding were coming back.

A couple of the older kids living in the facility came by, high fiving Gene and greeting her as she took her tray over to a small table nearby a screen overhead that went off about the weather and the latest sightings of Homo Demen’s and MULEs. Occasionally, there would be some product placement and commercials from other carriers trying to get Brisk HARPY employees to seek greener pastures, but most folks were in it for the long haul. Good luck trying to get a lot of the geezers to quit. Gene thought to herself as she started gorging herself on the mashed potatoes. The aroma made her stomach ache as she consumed the meal. Gene hadn’t eaten in two days, so this was much needed. Sometimes working the incinerator chambers didn’t leave much time to take a break as there was a lot to melt down due to parts not being recyclable.

As another infomercial about Homo Demens came up, Gene’s mind began to wander while she ate. She thought about Higgs. He hadn’t sent word or anything for over three weeks. She was beginning to think maybe he made up the pizza request just to get her to shut up and take off. It seemed in character enough for him, though like she had told Higgs earlier, Gene was beginning to feel guilty for not returning the favor. He saved her twice. She didn’t like needing to be rescued by anyone, but the few times it happened on the job, she always made sure to pay it forward and then some. Gene felt like she cheated Higgs out of something.

“Seriously I shouldn’t give two shits.” Gene said to herself as she began scarfing down the bacon on her tray. Her mind drifting further to what happened weeks ago. Gene’s foot was healed, but her upper left eyebrow was still healing from the various punches David had given her. It still stung from time to time if she moved her eyebrows a lot. Gene was worried she had resting bitch face often due to it.

“How did he know David?” Gene said aloud to herself, recalling the strange interaction Higgs had with the Homo Demens member. Had Higgs been a terrorist before? No, the man was a bit of an ass but Gene didn’t think he had it in him. Higgs seemed to have knowledge of the porter life, so maybe he had done jobs for them. Many porters were well known for dealing under the table, especially if their main employers were not supplying a sufficient income. Some didn’t care who they worked for, so long as they got their money at the end of the day. Gene herself had done similar side gigs when it got difficult to take care of herself, but there were certain lines a porter doesn’t cross. Terrorism being a huge one.

“Hm?” Gene quirked up, seeing her cuff link was buzzing and she quickly opened up the screen. There was a new message in her inbox. She shifted through most of her junk mail, going to the new email.

Chikadee--

That foot of yours fell off yet? Time to pay your savior. Coordinates to my terminal are 30-25-351-201. Bring me nothing but the best. Extra cheesy for old time's sake. 👍🏻

“Speak of the devil,” Gene said as she shook her head, letting out a tired laugh. She wondered how Higgs managed to track her IP on the cuff link. The cuff links could work long distances, but at Brisk HARPY due to MULE’s hacking to track package routes, it was nearly impossible to break the code. Regardless of the uneasiness she felt towards Higgs, a deal was a deal. She was looking forward to getting her debt to him paid off so she could move on. Gene began to input the coordinates, noticing that the way they were encrypted guaranteed that Brisk HARPY couldn’t track it. She furrowed her brows, feeling a slight sting on the cut above her eyebrows. She rubbed it as the healing wound began to itch while trying to make out how far he was. Fortunately enough, Higgs was close enough to her UCA route. Gene could easily make her small deliveries and then pay him a visit before moving on with the top priority package. Piece of cake. Gene felt confident she had this in a bag. Now came the hard part as she shut off her inbox: what in the hell did a guy like Higgs love to drink alcohol wise? Her eyes widened slightly, feeling a bit nervous at this task. He requested alcohol, but never specified the type or brand. Same with the pizza minus the extra cheesy bit he left in the message. Gene searched her memory, recalling he said something along the lines of he would have whatever she was into. She wasn’t sure if it was some sort of power trip thing or if he was legitimately curious as to what she liked. Not to mention ordering pizza through a porter when he could have had something more expensive in exchange for saving her butt caught Gene off guard. Higgs was an odd one.

The days came and went, and Gene got done with her small deliveries save for the UCA package and Higgs’s odd request. The parcels of medicine that needed to be distributed to a nearby settlement was easy enough. Only thing that bugged Gene about that experience was the guy that worked for another small porter company trying to recruit her. The guy was like a pop up add in human form, wouldn’t shut up.

Gene had to scale a tall mountain pass to get to Higg’s base. She cursed him for it a few times, nearly falling more than she could count. Gene pat herself on the back for bringing extra security for the packages. At this point, if she hadn’t done it, the pizza Higgs wanted would be as good as gone, tumbling down some cliff and into a crevice by now with how much she lost her grip. Upon reaching the summit, Gene found herself having to climb down a ways, getting back to flat earth and about one hundred and twenty yards away, she could see the signature terminal and entry point into a facility up ahead.

When Gene arrived, she paused to get a good look at the place. It looked abandoned. There were scraps of metal and other mechanical bits scattered around. Some weird looking eyes and scarabs made from various broken parts of machinery decorated the outer part of the building, giving the ruined facility a persona of its own.

“Didn’t take the asshole for being an artist.” Gene said aloud, finding some of the weird sculptures Higgs seemingly made to be cool in their own right. He had a lot of time on his hands given how intricate and detailed some of the pieces were. She even bent down to check out one small sculpture that looked like an ankh. Gene wasn’t familiar with Egyptology, but knew enough to know what it was. She was beginning to wonder if maybe Higgs was a cultist. The few she met seemed to latch onto ancient cultures, Chinese, Egyptian, or what have you and latched onto their beliefs like it was a holy scripture.

“God I hope he’s not really like that.” Gene muttered under her breath, recalling the last time she made a delivery run for a cultist that it ended poorly. She was given a low score to Brisk HARPY because she didn’t want to hear for three hours why some spaghetti monster was going to descend from the heavens and save everybody. Stark chewed her out for it. Apparently spaghetti monster man, as Gene liked to call him, was a top paying client and he threatened to cut ties with Brisk HARPY and move to Fragile Express.  Humans were fruitcakes, the lot of them in Gene’s opinion, but said fruitcakes paid the bills.

Finally going to the terminal to deliver the goods, Gene was a little perplexed at the machinery. The tech was a little outdated, but once she figured out how to insert her key card into the system, it began to boot up. She put the pizza and the canister carrying the alcohol on a conveyor belt watching as the machinery took it behind the walls of the bunker. Gene waited patiently for Higgs to pop up and say something through the hologram projector. Nothing came of it. She raised a brow, scanning where Higgs should have been up and down. Suddenly a ringing pierced her ears, causing Gene to nearly screech as she covered them and a weird chipper voice began to speak.

“H-hey this is Peter Englert. Who is this speaking?”

What the actual fuck? Gene thought to herself as she put her hands down and looked around. Wondering if this was some kind of joke.

“You still there?” The nervous light heart voice asked once more.

“Higgs? It’s me, Gene. Your pizza and the alcohol you wanted is here. Nothing damaged.”

There was no response. No response for three minutes straight. Gene was beginning to feel odd and slowly began to walk backwards, intending on making a beeline out of the terminal area and back up the mountain and over the pass. She stopped when suddenly the door behind the terminal opened and Higgs stepped out. He was dressed casually, looking like he just stepped out of a shower given how his hair was slicked back and the scruffy beard he once had was trimmed down to almost nothing save for some little bits here and there.

Maybe I was too rough with the neanderthal comments. Gene thought then raised a brow as Higgs smiled at her. There was no malice in it, for once.

“Took a little longer than I expected. Figures with rookies.” Higgs said with a laugh as Gene tried to restrain herself from rushing up and slam dunking his face into the ground for the comment.

“You have any idea what I had to do to make sure this delivery was off the books?” Gene spat, earning an amused chuckle from Higgs.

“I’m sure it cost you an arm and a leg maybe even a foot,” he said, tone teetering on the edge of teasing as Gene realized it was an offhand comment about her foot injury from before given the sarcasm that dripped from his tongue.

“Har, har. Look I gotta run. We’re square now, so will you leave me a review, and pay my employer so I can get this show on the road?”

“Gee let me think,” Higgs rubbed his chin, looking as if he were trying to solve some great puzzle before his gaze fell back onto Gene, lips curving into a signature smirk. “No.” He said playfully.

This was going to be a hell of a night. Gene thought to herself, wondering exactly what Higgs had in store.

Tagging:  @kusooi​

[junietuesday]

Michael is walking down the beach at sunset, headphones connected to his phone in his pocket, breathing weed smoke into the air on the day that he meets Jake.

Well. “Meets” is a strong word. But the point stands.

The waves crash rhythmically against the soft sand, audible even over the soft music playing through Michael’s headphones. Since his area is shit, there’s too much litter to walk barefoot, but he can tell through his sneakers that the sand would be soft under his feet. The sky is pink along the horizon, the sun a gentle orange as it sinks beneath the ocean’s surface—it’s already seven PM, but obviously, sunsets are always late during the summer.

This beach is comforting, after so many years of coming out here to walk, listen to music, and, later, smoke. On bad days, it can feel horribly lonely out here with only the waves and the sand as his company, but usually, coming here is like receiving a warm hug.

Michael kicks an old soda can along the shore as he walks, the lyrics of “You Happened” from The Prom (thank Christine Canigula for trying to turn him into a theater kid) playing through his headphones, the upbeat tune contrasting with the quiet serenity of the rest of the beach. Nothing much ever really happens here, but in Michael’s opinion, that’s a definite plus.

Until he sees a head poking out of the water, far out from the coastline. Like, “is it safe for someone to be out that far?” far out. Michael’s never seen anyone swim out that distance, anyway.

He makes to call out to the figure. But just as fast, the figure dives down and disappears, a bright green tail that sparkles in the light of the sunset breaking the surface of the water, before it, too, vanishes beneath the waves.

Michael runs to the water, where the waves soak his sneakers and tug at his socks. The ocean is as always. There’s no sign the mysterious figure ever existed.

~

Jake slips back into his bedroom, flopping down onto his bed and closing his eyes against the light of nearby bioluminescent fish that streams in through his windows, reflecting off the sparkling blue crystal of his ceiling. He can still feel the after effects of adrenaline thrumming through his body, lighting him up from head to tailfin.

It feels like only moments later when someone crashes into the room with a thump of the door falling shut behind him.

“Jake!” Rich’s voice is all beams. Jake groans into his comfy, comfy pillow, pulling his comfy, comfy sheets tighter around him. (It’s a sensory thing, okay?) “Jake, I’m—oh, shit, dude, you look like ass. Are you good?”

“Stayed up way too late,” Jake says, looking up. He’s greeted with the familiar sight of Rich’s deep sun-colored scales, fading from orange at the hip to red at the tailfin, and the dyed-red streak in his hair. “I’m so sleep-deprived, save me from this hell.”

“What?” Rich tilts his head. “Why? I mean, all power to you if you wanna pull a random all-nighter, but—”

“Uh.” Jake propels himself upright, the sun beating hard into his eyes. “There was a reason. And you have to promise not to tell anyone if I tell you what I was doing.”

“Oh shit, this is serious,” Rich says, at Jake’s grave expression. He spins around, sending ripples through the water around them. “Lay it on me, dude! I swear on my life I won’t snitch.”

“Okay.” Jake takes a deep breath, sinking down to let his tail hang over the edge of his bed. “I was at the beach. Watching a human.”

Rich’s expression flashes from earnest to shocked. “What? For reals?”

Jake understands why he’s concerned. For all they know, this could be one of those humans that would turn them over to a—what’s the word?—an aquarium in a heartbeat, never to see the ocean or any sort of freedom again. Or the human could even kill Jake and keep his body instead. God knows there have been mermaids that have done the same to a human, after luring them from their ships into diving into the sea.

“Yeah,” Jake says, tail flipping with nerves, ripples pushing at the particles of sand on the floor in front of him. “He’s so handsome and cute and he seems so nice when he’s there with his friends, I think they’re his friends I mean, and like, I can’t see him as the type to murder someone senselessly! And either way, I haven’t let him see me—um, well, until…”

“‘Until’?” Rich repeats, lying on Jake’s couch at this point. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re in love with him?”

“Yeah.”

Rich looks at Jake.

“Are you gonna go back?” Rich says. “Just based on ‘he seems so nice’?”

Jake sets his jaw, and nods.

“Yeah,” he says, hands clenching into fists against his mattress. “Yeah, I am.”

“Got it,” says Rich briskly, without even moving from his relaxed recline on Jake’s couch, as though he was expecting that answer. “I’m coming with.”

“What?” Jake stares at him. “No way. I can’t ask you to risk that just ‘cause I’ve got a crush.”

“It’s not just a crush if you’re willing to risk it,” says Rich, and the resolution in his tone tells Jake that he may as well just accept it, because Rich won’t back down. “I trust you, dude. So we’re both going.”

“Fine,” says Jake, but inside, he’s extremely grateful. “And…thanks.”

“No prob.” Rich flashes a grin. “Hey, at least I get some eye candy out of it, right?”

~

The day after the beach incident, Michael tells Jeremy about it over lunch at an old 50’s-themed diner, literally named “The Diner” according to the neon letters above its entrance. It’s their favorite because of the arcade machine in one corner and the jukebox in the other. While Michael definitely doesn’t want to go back to the actual 50s—what with all the racism and shit going on—the aesthetic this place pulls off is pretty cool. Plus, the food is amazing.

“You’re serious?” Jeremy says, his pastel pink iPod long paused and abandoned on the plastic table in front of him. He hasn’t even taken out his earbuds. “Really?”

“Yeah!” Michael says, slightly defensive. Because sure, seeing a mermaid on a random stroll on the beach does sound like some kind of clickbait and/or hoax, but what reason does Michael have to lie? “I promise, its tail was the clearest thing I’ve ever seen!”

“You wear glasses.”

“You wear glasses—!”

“And like,” Jeremy goes on, ignoring Michael’s protest, “I don’t think you’re lying deliberately, but, y’know. You could’ve been just high.”

“Who says I was even smoking weed?”

Jeremy just looks at him. Michael sighs, disgruntled.

“Okay, fine, I may have smoked a little,” says Michael, “but I’ve never gotten hallucinations from weed before. It was totally a mermaid. It had to be.”

Absently, Michael wonders what the others in this restaurant think of their debate. Michael’s never pretended to be a totally normal human being, but this is a whole new level of slightly batshit crazy. The lady at one of the stools at the bar sips her banana juice from the vending machine, staring at her phone. Does she know the two teenagers sitting in a booth a few feet away from her are having a discussion about one of them apparently having seen a mermaid at the beach yesterday? Does she even care?

“Besides,” Michael continues, grabbing a fry off his plate. “If the fucking Quetzalcoatlus can be real—”

“Michael, are we really gonna go over this again?”

“Yes! I mean, it’s a fucking bird-dinosaur the height of a giraffe—which, by the way, is also a strange as hell creature—that could still fly—”

“Anyway,” says Jeremy, around a swallow of milkshake. He’s definitely used to dealing with Michael’s rambles by now. The Chuck E. Cheese pizza conspiracy (in which they re-plate uneaten pizza slices, accounting for the uneven crusts of pizzas), the history of the mitochondrion (an ancient cell absorbed an ancient bacterium and they ended up in a symbiotic relationship), the random superstition of knitterly grandmas (you have to put a mistake in your work for the soul to escape through)—you name it, Michael’s probably rambled about it. He prides himself on the vast amount of useless knowledge his brain contains. “Mermaid. I can’t.”

“I can,” says Michael. “I’m gonna go see if I see them again tonight. It’s gonna be a whole proper stake-out with like, snacks and shit. I’ll see them again if it kills me.”

“It probably will,” Jeremy says. “You can’t do that every night until you see this mermaid, who knows when they’ll come back. And who says the mermaid is even coming back at all?”

“Shush, Jeremy, have faith,” says Michael. “It’s totally, like, The Little Mermaid. The mermaid’s gonna come back ASAP to stare at my beautiful face and then we’ll meet on the beach and—”

“You really want your mystery mermaid to lose their voice and tail in a deal with a sea witch and then be unable to communicate with you whatsoever and then they’ll die if—”

“It’s the idea, not the details,” Michael says. Jeremy just doesn’t get it. “Okay? Come if you want, I don’t care.”

“Nah, I’m coming,” says Jeremy. “I don’t have anything better to do. But don’t be disappointed if nothing happens, alright?”

“Something’s gonna happen,” Michael insists. “I can feel it.”

~

The night after Jake was spotted by the human, he and Rich swim as quietly as possible through the halls of Jake’s house, light from bioluminescence filtering through the blue-stained glass of the ceiling shining blobby shapes on their skin. Jake’s parents are home for once, and they wouldn’t take too kindly to seeing their son and his best friend sneaking out in the middle of the night.

Jake lets out a breath once they make it out the door, then turns to Rich.

“You can still back out,” he says, but Rich rolls his eyes.

“I told you, you’re stuck with me,” says Rich. “Now show me the map.”

Jake shows him the map. He got lucky to have made a friend like Rich.

~

“Michael,” Jeremy says from the hood of Michael’s car. The crescent moon shines above them, the light reflecting off the ocean’s waves. “Come pokemon battle me, I brought your DS.”

“No,” says Michael, staring out into the water, sitting right by the water on the folding chair he’d brought. “I need to make sure I see the mermaid if—when they come.”

He checks his watch. Ten o’clock. It’s been three hours since the sun set, and so far, there’s no sign of the mermaid from yesterday. Not even a single stray ripple in the water.

Jeremy sighs at Michael’s words. Michael hears the crinkle of a chip bag being opened. He turns.

“Hey, let me have some!” he says, getting up to grab some chips.

But as soon as Jeremy hands him the bag, he’s back to watching the water.

~

“Are you sure we went the right way?” Rich says, consulting the map. They’re close enough to the surface that sunlight is properly reaching them, far higher than their town is located, but there’s no sign of the ocean floor rising steadily anywhere. “I don’t see a beach.”

“It was definitely this way,” Jake argues. He points at a sunken car, bits of gray peeking out from beneath the green algae covering its surface. “I always pass this thing a few minutes before I get to the shore.”

Rich makes a disbelieving noise.

“Alright, dude,” he says. “You better be right, my tail and arms are dead.”

“I’m right,” says Jake, though he can’t blame Rich for his uncertainty. If the situation were the other way around, Jake hates to admit it, but he might have turned around long ago. “I’ve made this trip, like, twice every week. I know the way.”

~sort of but not really fin (eyy!), i’m gonna finish this another time but for now i’ve gotta submit for the bmq

Word Count: 2010 Team: Michael Prompts: all main, 9 bonus Points: 76 (30 game points, 46 for the fic itself) @bmc-gift-exchange

[marcelficexchange]

Amazing Authors and Artists are working in Round Two right now!!! but ROUND 1 gave us amazing fics!! Let’s take a look and enjoy!! 🎉🎉💕💕

Hello!! The Sign-up for Round 2 is coming!!! So here are the marvellous fics of Round 1!!! Enjoy them!! See you soon!!! 

1.  The Case Of The (Definitely Not Haunted) Styles Mansion (40K) By @briannamarguerite

“So there’s a sense of humour buried beneath all that condescension, huh?” Louis said when he’d stopped laughing.

“It’s not condescension, it’s intelligence. I understand you might not be able to recognize it yourself,” Marcel said, then slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”

Louis stepped closer, his eyes on Marcel’s face. “For being an asshat?”

“For being rude,” Marcel said, from beneath his palm.

Louis shifted a half-step closer until he was at the very edge of Marcel’s personal space. It felt like he was nudging at it, asking to be let in. Marcel flushed hot for no reason.

“Lucky for you it takes quite a lot to actually insult me,” Louis said taking one step closer. Too close. Too close.

Marcel met Louis’ eyes. Those blue eyes that reminded Marcel of poetry instead of science, lyrics instead of formulas. They were so pretty he wanted to drown in them.

Or the Nancy Drew AU where Marcel is a man of logic, Louis is a private detective who believes in ghosts, and the Styles Mansion is definitely, absolutely, positively *not* haunted.

2. Save The Last Dance For Me (50704 words) by @1diamondinthesun

Wealthy Marcel Styles is an avid supporter of the Royal Ballet Company. Louis Tomlinson is the new principal dancer with a humble past and a dream. When they collide, sparks fly. But is it enough to overcome their different social classes and prove that love is all you need?

3.  Little Treasure (14190 words) by bubblegumclouds 

Louis was the closed off coffee shop boy and Marcel had spent too long pining while helping him with work. When a series of clashes, misunderstandings and a lot of denials fall into their path, can Marcel handle it? Even worse, can Louis?

(Another Coffee Shop worker Louis with Marcel and an added twist of a university AU)

4.  Hold Me Tight and Don’t Let Go (18934 words) by @lululawrence

Louis’ mind was whirling and a mess of information about application deadlines and talking to his mom about options he had for next year and the failed test and how she might react when he the news. Louis was near his spot and he knew as soon as he got there he could let the tears and frustration flow, but when he turned the corner to his special space his whole body froze.

“Who’re you?” Louis bit out. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. That came out way more harsh than he was intending. “Sorry, I just-”

Louis was interrupted by the boy, previously curled in a tiny ball and crying into his knees, stumbling to his feet, saying something Louis couldn’t understand, and wiping away at the tears. He straightened his glasses, grabbed his bookbag, mumbled something a second time, and then he literally ran off.

Or the one where Louis is barely holding himself together when he meets Marcel and an unexpected friendship might be just what both of them need.

5.  An Ever-Fixed Mark (16365 words) by @larryandgaystuff

Louis has zero chance of passing Literature. At least without a tutor who knows Shakespeare well enough to recite it as if those words were his own. And he finds just that, and a lot more, in Marcel.

The course of true love never did run smooth. But is it worth it?

6.  A Study in Argyle (6285 words) by flamboyantdorks

The one where Louis decides he doesn’t want to go to college because he’s burnt out. Harry is the oddball nerd that assists him in writing his application essay.

7.  Buried Like Treasure (40200 words) by @becomeawendybird

Prince Harry Styles is very private. He chooses to keep himself out of the public eye but feels lonely and isolated while surrounded by people in his hectic royal life. When he finishes his dissertation, he decides to take a solo holiday to one of the royal family’s properties in the Swiss Alps.

Semi-retired thief Louis Tomlinson has been pulled in for one last job: steal a painting from an uninhabited mansion. Neither one of them expects a natural disaster.

8.  Nice day for a pizza wedding (12052 words) by star_k

There’s a layer of total surrealness to have your own name denied by a stranger, while said stranger has your cock in their hands.

Harry was glad he was in the sort of situation he knew exactly how that felt.

Or, a story about how Harry, 18-year-old Tumblr and photography enthusiast, ended up enjoying his birthday with the pizza boy, in a night filled with pizza, his faithful camera and the doubt of how to correct someone you were flirting with that he got Harry’s name wrong.

He only had Niall to blame.

9.  just like he already owned it (13427 words) by @thepriestthinksitsthedevil

“Because you’re in my wedding!” she exclaimed. “You need to buy a suit and get a date.”

Louis groaned. “Why do I have to have a date?”

“Because I need my pictures to be symmetrical and you need to have a date for that to happen,” Lottie explained. Louis considered for a moment, deciding that he’d ask Zayn, Liam, Niall, or Steve if they’d wanna go with him. It’d be fun, at any rate, and they all knew about Louis’ family at least a little bit so it wouldn’t be awkward. “And before you even think about bringing one of your weird friends, I expect this date to be a boy that you like. Like like.”

Or: Louis needs a date. Marcel does nothing but hangs out with his cat.

10.  Everything Comes Back To You (9491 words) by @jaerie

Louis was only seven when he found himself in a hospital bed alone and scared, confused about what was happening. When another little boy climbed into his bed to comfort him, Louis never thought that they would be meeting again later in life. He also never imagined that their roles would be reversed the second time around.

11.  Convalescent Boy (with a Heart of Gold) (7847 words) by @londonfoginacup

Just as the professor beginning to mess with his powerpoint, the door at the back of the balcony creaks open and Marcel looks back to notice Louis Tomlinson, The Louis Tomlinson, slip in and take a seat in the very back.

Marcel is starting to feel like his life is a comedy. Only yesterday was Louis Tomlinson on his floor at the library. Now he’s in his seminar. What is happening?

“Hey Mars,” Nick says, not particularly quietly as he leans over. “Isn’t that your crush?”

Marcel smacks him.

Or, the one where Marcel is a nerd who loves to learn but loves to go to theatre productions even more and may or may not have a long time crush on the lead in most of the plays, Louis Tomlinson. The same Louis Tomlinson who seems to be appearing wherever Marcel is. Funny, that.

12. Cool Cats (16172 words) by @suddenclarityharry

There’s a gorgeous boy sitting there, staring at him. His hair is longish, tucked back by a cloth headband, his eyes are a brilliant blue that makes Marcel question if he’s ever actually seen real blue before or just cheap imitations of it. And his lips, thin and pink, are just slightly open, almost as though they’re inviting Marcel’s kiss.

“Oh,” the boy breathes in surprise and the tone is enough to wake Marcel from his momentary stupor. He realizes that the boy is staring at his ears and suddenly kisses are the furthest thing from Marcel’s mind.

Marcel exhales harshly and pulls out his chair, sinking into it and crossing his arms over his chest. He lifts his chin defiantly. “Alright, let’s have it.”

“Have… what?” The boy asks wide-eyed and, fuck, even his voice is beautiful. It’s got this delightful rasp to it that makes Marcel wanna purr.

“Whatever jokes or insults you’re gonna say. Let’s just get them over with now and out of the way,” Marcel says.

The blue-eyed cutie just sits there, staring.

Or

Sometimes, Marcel can have nice things.

[crossgartered]

P5R Liveblog (17/?)

November 20th

Huh? "The distortion inside that Crystal is still linked to distortion somewhere else"?

...is this a plot thing, or is it because I usually have sent the calling card by the time I go to Mementos

Oh, now it's flu season. Well, I'll save reaper farming for ng+. It doesn't look like I'll be able to max all the social links until ng+, too, but that's to be expected, honestly. I made some mistakes.

Still, I'm doing pretty well. Either I'm close to maxing someone or else I've practically never hung out with them. And I'll be able to max out Kawakami before I'm not able to go to school, so that's great.

Priestess 6, Empress 1, Emperor maxed, Hierophant maxed, Lovers 8, Chariot maxed, Justice 8, Hermit 8, Fortune 9, Strength 9, Hanged Man 1, Death 5, Temperance 9, Devil 3, Tower 2, Star 8, Moon maxed, Sun maxed, Faith maxed, Councillor 9.

And I'm pretty sure the Justice & Councillor need more plot to happen before they can progress.

I still can't believe that Kasumi is just gonna randomly show up in the casino after all this. Can't wait to figure out what she's doing.

I hate turning down the girls. It's like, 'So why are you so nice to me?'

'Because we're teammates' or 'Because I love you' like NO IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS AND I LIKE YOU GODDAMMIT

*sigh*

I think I heard her heart shatter. I'm sorry, Futaba. It might have given me an 'are you sure' option but I couldn't take that chance.

OH THANK YOU PHONE CALL CONTENT

I was able to tell her that she was a true friend ^u^ ...of course, that only gave 2 points, so I'm guessing 'partner' or 'key item' would have worked better, but still. I can express my platonic affection.

WHAT IS THIS SPECIAL BOND READING OMG????? THIS IS AMAZING

Oh, good! They did add variety to Haru's plants

I am. Third-wheeling to the extreme here. How do people manage to date Ann.

Can I PLEASE not be a dick to girls I am not trying to date. Can I PLEASE say 'you have us, your friends' or 'Youre not alone' or something that does not imply you will not be there for her while still not dating her?? Especially since you're going to be leaving soon, too.

Ohya or billiards, Ohya or billiards...

YES FINALLY. Hello, Kasumi. Please talk to me.

Kasumi...

YO I CAN MAX FUTABA

THAT POOR PRIEST LOL

Wait I was going to go to untouchable

Whoops

MARUKI NO

Oh god fucking damn it this is going to be just like the cookie thing

Lol your glasses got all fogged up. They even have a sprite for it

BOTH OF THEM COULDNT SEE I LOVE THIS

FUCK HE KNOWS

Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

Seriously? Back in April?

Man, the Shibuya thing for Kaneshiro feels so foolish and ridiculous. We just literally disappeared into thin air, huh. And I though it might at least be someone who was deliberately watching for us who would see us, but that's not even true here. Guh.

OH MY GOD WE EVEN SAW HIM HUH

Well, great. I feel used.

He was pretty honest about wanting my help but. Ugh.

Maruki, I feel like you're going to flip your shit over the course of the next few days. I wonder if...

Hmm. Well. Onward.

Ah, I figured this was going to be the max rank with him.

Were you going to ask for my wish, Maruki?

LMAO RYUJI "ain't this place always empty though?" "I'm telling Boss." OAO HIS MODEL CHANGED.

Have I never chosen that option before or have I just never noticed

Ahhhh the hypest part of the game. I'm super psyched

MAKING CURRY INCREASES MY GUTS???!?!?

IT'S SHOWTIME

Ooh~ the roulette panels changed : 3

OH MAN I TOTALLY FORGOT TO TETRAJA THANK YOU FUTABA I AM SO GLAD I MAXED YOU

Aww. One more move and Makoto would have been the one to deal the last blow.

"THOSE GUYS IN BLACK SUITS ARE ALMOST HERE"

Huh, so Futaba can see a bunch of Shadows in police uniforms. Interesting.

Ryuji...! Thank you for your faith in me. I definitely will do my best not to die. ;U;

MAN I LOVE KNOWING THE REVEAL ALL OF THIS IS SO GOOD

I'm curious if the original plan was to take them all or just Joker. I wonder if the counterplan actually saved everyone from getting arrested and/or killed

Ah, to see how 'boyish voice' turns into 'Morgana', and all the rest

NOBODY ASKED YOU, INARI

ARSENE...!

I wonder why, from a Watsonian perspective, he comes back.

I wonder if we ever told the others about Kasumi

Oh, man, in hindsight, her coming to the casino Palace was actually really dangerous for her! Esp if Crow heard Futaba wtfing at her being there. Puts a target on her back, it does

??? I can still use my party's skills, even though I'm alone right now?

I still don't understand the logistics of this takedown. Ah well.

KASUMI WHY ARE YOU /HERE/

Did we plan this? Did I tell you /anything/ about the situation KASUMI WHY ARE YOU HERE

Nope sae never heard of them I have been the only phantom thief I have been by myself the whole time I am alone in this room right now

I sure do! And I know that you're lying to me! And that I have a big heart full of love for my friends! I'm not gonna sell anyone out. Glad that we've established that.

Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I love that whole everything.

I was riveted for a solid chunk of that. I remember the first time I played I was practically yelling at the screen and I had wanted to skip past the bits with the SIU director and all that bc I wanted to know what had happened to the protagonist and what was going to happen with Sae

Like, did I mess up??? Oh my god the eyes are open and there's blood and where would you even put the squib??? I was trying to figure out if I had chosen wrong and stuff.

When I played p4 for the first time, I got one of the responses to Yosuke wrong. I had said something about the window instead of vaguely saying that there's something bc I thought, well, why would he be trying to escape from the window instead of through the TV?? But he just got angry at me : ( and then I got the """normal ending""" which. yeah. and so then I reloaded and went through all that again. ...It was really frustrating.

Anyway.

MAN IT'S SO SATISFYING. The casino palace and its aftermath is really satisfying. The villains then deciding to be cartoonishly evil is a bit of a detractor but otherwise! Very cool.

And man the music is so good. Whims of Fate. Life Will Change, with lyrics! It's good stuff. I love the persona 5 music. although lbr persona music in general is AMAZING. i have playlists with just persona music it’s good good stuff

[caasiturner]

Hurricanes and Jon.

Jon Bellion is an extremely talented artist. My favorite album of his is The Human Condition. Every single song is a straight banger, his beats stir up all kinds of emotion, and his lyrics speak to the depths of my soul. My favorite track is, however, Hand of God.  Throughout the song he speaks of his stresses, ex-girlfriends, and the struggle of life. The line that really resonates with me is,

“ I might break

Angry at all the things, angry at all the things I can't change

When you're lost in the universe, lost in the universe

Don't lose faith

My mother says, "Your whole life's in the hand of God"

Nothing has changed, he is the same

"Your whole life's in the hand of God"

That’s hard for me to accept. I can’t see that hand. We sung about it a lot growing up, “He’s got the whole world in his hands, etc, etc. etc.” We talked in Sunday School about how there’s a God who’s got His eye “on the sparrow”. We are told there’s someone who knows our every need. But as an adult it’s really hard to believe.

As I’ve reiterated countless times before I tend to be a doubting Thomas in search of constant reassuarance. A person who needs tangibles, reasons, hard data and evidence. I need to figure everything out, most likely due to never knowing during my childhood. I need to be able to hang onto things, to fully understand. I don’t take things at face value, I research, I make hypothesis and test them, I deduce and find the answer.

But life has a sense of humor.

Every time I start to figure out things the slightest bit, I am humbled, reset, back handed if you will. This year I finally saved my first thousand dollars. Now maybe to you that’s insignificant. For me it was huge. I grew up under the poverty line, and through a lot of sweat and blood, I’ve been paying my own way since I was 17. To finally see four digits in my savings was an amazing feeling.

I struggle hanging onto relationships. I’ve been transparent about this multiple times. It’s been hard getting over my latest relationship mostly because she was nearly everything I thought I wanted. Some days it’s hard to believe there’s something better out there. Or that I am even meant to be with someone. But, after not speaking since summer I finally felt in a good place mentally and emotionally.

Then this week happened.

My clutch in my car is now shot. It’s gonna cost over five-hundred dollars to fix. Everything I worked for is gone in a single day. Just like that.

The girl I felt I had finally moved on from texted me, asking for help. My heart literally dropped and I wasn’t sure how to feel. Anger in the fact you hit me up because you need something. Confusion in why would you turn to me. Eagerness to assist and concern in because I still care for you as a person no matter the past.

I yelled at the sky. I’m frustrated. Angry even. Tired of fighting. Aching for this horrid year of 2018 to be over.

I feel like a ship trying to weather a storm. Every time I conquer one wave, yet another crashes down. I feel like I’ll never get my head above the water, as if God Himself finds a sadistic joy in personally holding me under. I strive and fight so hard, yet all ends the same. Empty. Meaningless. Hopeless even.

I just want to figure this all out. Know what I’m suppose to be doing. Know what I’m doing wrong. Know why everything is a constant struggle. Know why am I even here or what my purpose is.

People say I bless their life all the time. I’m so genuine or so kind or so this and blah blah blah. You don’t know me. You can’t even imagine half of what I’ve felt or gone through. Walk a mile in my shoes and you’d probably trip over the size of my feet. You don’t see my inside world, what I battle every day, or the stuff I see. You don’t see the tortured mind of an artist, the confusion of a twenty-two year old, the anxiety and worry of someone who’s living far above his years, the broadness of my back as I carry countless bags of baggage and multiple burdens (some self-inflicted and some who are by rights others to carry).

You don’t see the homesickness for someone I haven’t yet met. The tiredness of being called “baby” by people who don’t mean it (Shout out my guy Ed Sheeran). You don’t see how lost I am or how badly I want to be found. You don’t see how “I don't want to kill myself because others will get the job of cleaning up my blood from a gun shot, cutting the rope above my head or telling my parents I'm dead. I just want to disappear.”

How’s that lyric go Mansionz?

“...Nobody knows, nobody knows, no one (no one)

You'll never know, you'll never know me,

I wanna believe in religion

But nobody reminds me of God

I wanna believe in what I hear and what I read

But it mostly reminds me I'm lost

I wanna believe that when I fuck it's romantic

But no lovers remind me of love

And I need to believe in moderation

'Cause believers believe in too much

I learned to lie

I learned to lie when I was younger

Tell me somethin' true...”

Yeah. I feel that on a spiritual level.

But.

To live by feelings is to live falsely. Feelings lie. Feelings change. Feelings come and go. What holds us together?

Faith.

A “ Complete trust or confidence in someone or something.”

or

A “ Belief; the assent of the mind to the truth of what is declared by another, resting on his authority and veracity, without other evidence (Webster).

Faith in there being a greater plan. Faith in a better tomorrow. Resting my life and hopes and dreams, without other evidence, into “The Hands of God.” A higher being. Something larger than myself. without seeing the end result. That’s completely counter intuitive my nature.

Maybe Puddleglum from The Chronicles of Narnia states it best in C.S Lewis’s classic The Silver Chair. Our hero is hard pressed, and a witch is doing all she can to convince him to lose his faith in the great lion Aslan and his memories of life above ground. Just as he is about to give over to her power he states,

“  All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's a small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say.”

Do I have that faith? Faith to believe no matter what lies I tell myself it’s all for a reason? That there is something out?  That this world I currently see is but a shadow, a vapor, a breath, a blip in an endless line of eternity? That there are no accidents, or meaninglessness?

Can I believe that? 

I want to. I am tired of keeping my hands on the Wheel of this ship. I’m tired of trying to keep my ship afloat. I’m tired of trying to do everything from my own power. I’m tired of failing at attempting to run out this storm, keep my sails aloft, or row my own way.

So this is me.

I’m giving over for I have no one else to turn to.

Friends and family can’t help me. Money won’t save me. Running away is a temporary solution. So here is a public declaration. I surrender. I give up. Take this wheel. Beach this ship if you have to.

Just take my life and place it into your hands.

[khiphop-discussions]

SMTM777 Ep.4 Commentary

D.Ark being That One Kid(TM) who just REALLY wants to be involved with the big kids lol

He's good but it's pretty funny. Milli giving him advice and stuff.

Super Bee is such a good leader. He'd be a GREAT producer for next season!

Coogie. I love him

Now New Champ is being That One Kid(TM) hahaha DUDE at first I thought that the whole hook was just curse words and that's why ot was beeped. I was like damn Super Bee is it SMTM4 again? They were just trying to keep the hook secret lol Yun B was boring but the rap was good Lol Super Bee it is Seoul. You right hahah Choi LB was more fun. He had a lot going on with his flow plus more interesting.    Then the shout out to Giriboy hahah. Super Bee STOP! Lol when they all walked around Slick. Team Super Bee seems like they are having a lot of fun. Los was more interesting than Slick. He had more energy in his rap. Also, his rap was HELLA clear YAAASSSS Black Beatles instrumental. Loopy bro you better kill it. That shit DID NOT fit the beat. That's a dud Loopy. The rap was good just not on that beat. It was a mess. I'm disappointed. I kinda knew that would happen tbh but I wanted it have faith so that's why i said to kill it. Loopy was trash Ok "Indigo" verse fit much better. And the provoking of Luda during the HSR line hahaha Like Swings said "Milli exploded for the first time". It really showed how cool he is. FINALLY ! Now stop reusing verses hahah Coogie so far is the only one that was interesting from team Nafla so far. Coogie is very repetitive but at least he's good at what he DOES do. Another Woo Wonjae in that sense. I think Coogie said he's only been rapping for like a year or less to so it's to be expected. Coogie was better than PH-1. I deadass forget he's on this show. Team Nafla is getting ate by Team Bee. The only person who could save it at this point is Nafla but I don't think his will be enough for all 6 of the members that went on Team Bee . Yeah , Nafla is going now. It's not enough. His rap and performance is good but not amazing enough to take on all 6 of team Bee as expected. Qwala kept up with Nafla pretty well tbh. Not better especially with him messing up but up until then he definitely kept up. Lol @ team Nafla getting hype when he messed Odee was great as soon as he opened his mouth. He's definitely the most technically talented rapper on the show. Or maybe EK? I think it's probably Odee though. I have to hear more EK. Super Bee! Making fun of people's jewelry again. I love when he does that. I really can't wait to see Super Bee v. Nafla in the final episode. Shit is gonna be lit. Yeah, team Bee ATE team Nafla. There's no way. Nah, team Bee CLEARLY won tbh. Giriboy LOVED that hook. Team Bee is Team Designer. Cause most of them wear designer shit. Loopy was trash STOP this! Yes, Changmo stay cool w/ Super Bee so you ain't gotta beef with him. Dude...super bee team won stop dragging it out.Whoever is holding out for team Naf is annoying af lol WHAT?!?! That is a fucking ROBBERY bro. Are you fucking kidding me? ROBBERY! All 6 members of SB did well but only 3 of Team Naf are memorable. Robbery. Straight robbery. Well considering they fucking robbed Team be of 50 mill won they better not eliminate them. Also, all that mushy gushy shit about "uwu you guys were all so good WE decided not to eliminate anyone. It's all love, first ever elimination-less mission" it's probably more because SMTM eliminated so many people during the 1v1v1 so there's no need to eliminate 6 whole contestants right now lol. Damn, how the fuck did I forget how good DeepFlow is? What?!? They brought Donathan of course. They should bring BigOne I was just WAITING for these fools to pull out 작두 (jakdu i think that's the right hangul spelling lol, "cut cut cut") VMC has no versatility outside of BigOne but they are just so good at rap that it kinda doesn't matter lol Damn, I forgot how good Giriboy was at rapping too. He mostly does a more trendy rap but he was just straight spitting here. He's damn good. Team Swingiri is so mad. Lol. So aggressive. Oh yeah, Swings used to have a mohawk lol. Lol performing a song that features Milli with him in the audience instead of onstage hahah Yeah, of course you almost ran onstage Milli, it was your damn song LOL LOL he just took back the lyrics of "Maestro" he's too nervous I KNEW he was dropping "Maestro". YASSS Genius[citation needed] Pianist King!!! I've seen these guys live before (Changett) so I know how LIT it is in person. Lol to whoever said "Changmo's so hot" you right If they had eliminated 6 after the team battle mission, they would have only been able to eliminate 2 additional people here so it wouldn't have been as high of stakes tbh. So like I said earlier. All that mushy gushy shit was LIES! LOL This team selection seems so unnecessarily complicated lol. But at least they are doing something new lol He's unique in that I literally don't remember him unless he's on screen. Yeah Chaboom belongs on team VMC. That's the type of music he excels in. I knew Dongmin had to go to Changmett cause he does a trap type style. EK~ just plays in my head every time he's on screen now lol VMC NEEDS EK  even though it's obvious he can do more trendy, melodic stuff. Damn, he used Jvcki Wai as bribe? Shit, I would have went RIGHT to Swingiri team lol. DeepFlow is so happy lol. I am too Damn, Ek basically has to eliminate them. That sucks. They should have eliminated Zilla like??? Stop keeping trendy people just cause. I PROMISE there's someone who can do trendy AND rap well. Ok now Los came so replace Zilla Then Choi LB got replaced too. Swings gone have to square up with whoever else doesn't come to his team lol He gets Nafla so no need to whine this early. Slow and steady wins the race. Odee came over to his team. Now stop being salty Swings lol It's kind of an unspoken rule that you don't choose your label on this show lol. I think B.I. Is the only person who has done it. So i knew he wasn't going with Changmett Ilgyo awwww and they gave him like no screen time. He was hiding under his hat the whole time anyway, I guess. Lol That's true The Q, "the more you see Kid Milli the more he grows on you" They played "nondisclothes" when he got chosen. If Woochan reminded me of G Dragon, D.Ark kinda reminds me of B.I. the attitude, charisma, the good technical skill despite being young af. Damn, slick is good. That had to be hard. I wanna hear what Loopy would make w/ changmett but I just remembered he goes to CoPal. Wow, New Champ really did turn the annoying up to like 6 or 7 this season tbh. He's just trying to get his screen time, I get it. He wasn't like this on smtm4 lol. Coogie like HAS to go to Changmett. I'd be pissed if I was the q and he didn’t lol.    I don't even know why swingiri was mad. Like have they even been there this whole seaaon? It's obvious coogie is 100% team changmett. Him and the quiett are a whole couple. They should have eliminated Hyunseok instead of Luda but like Changmett said, they already have a vision for their team. I don’t think luda was ever supposed to make it. Oh yeah, i forgot he was with Illionaire on SMTM5. Lol I feel like we've already seen what he can do with IllionaireAmbition like he's in the Ghood Life crew and has done a bunch of songs with Changmo and worked closely with The Quiett. It's kinda weird tbh. But honestly Super Bee is at a point where he doesn't need anyone else to foster his growth so.it really doesn't matter what team he's on. He already makes dope songs regardless of who produced them. That said I do hope we get to see a different side. Maybe a slow, emotional, powerful song at some point accompanied by Changmo on the piano? Swings you get Nafla! STOP.WHINING! Damn, D.Ark. Bias wrecker lol. Got hyunseok eliminated haha I think VMC would have done the most with Naf but again, his producing team doesn't matter he's already fostering his own growth tbh. Nucksal that was DISGUSTING. Worse than when The Quiett said "we've never seen anything like that in tv. Thanks for coming to smtm to show us that" or something to that effect. Also, nuck. Nafla's favorite rapper is Biggie NOT Tupac! Keep up! This is exactly why he ain't choose your team! Lol The Quiett REALLY though he was about to finesse that huh? You really thought you was gonna get Super Bee AND Nafla AND Coogie AND D.Ark? Lol The end when the producers got in to the team battle was dope

[lyricanalysis]

breakups, bees, and symphonies

this song. god damn. you couldn’t see it but there was a screaming match in the car when we were trying to figure this one out. we had such opposing views about all of it and it was ridiculous. like neither of us would budge until linden was like “wait, does this one have the symphony?” and then we both started laughing hysterically. ANYWAY, this song is about a lot of things so lets hop into it.

It's said, "If you don't let it out

You're gonna let it eat you away."

I'd rather be a cannibal, baby

Animals like me don't talk anyway

most of this song is about ryan. this is kinda the only one that i’ve analyzed so far that doesn’t follow the pattern of dallon for first verse and then ryan for second verse. but i mean, come on, this song is about their breakup. this is his feelings towards it all finally coming out.

this first line is a quote. it’s everyone talking to brendon. they tell him that if he keeps bottling up his feelings about ryan then it’ll kill him. (i even said in sarah smiles that brendon’s coping method to the breakup was to pretend to be more prideful than he really is, bottling it up and faking). so they’re warning him. brendon’s response? he said he’d rather let it kill him. by being a cannibal, he’s saying that he’s purposely letting those feelings that are unresolved, eat him away. he’s willingly letting his own sadness kill him. then he says that animals like him, people like him, don’t talk about their feelings.

now, i really wanna break down that last line cause it was really interesting, the way it came across. first off, why animal? if you replace that word with people, it almost keeps the same beat. granted, the beat would have been different in general if they used people but that means it was a conscious decision to use animal. WHY. and, not to mention, it’s in the context of people not talking about their feelings.

first thought, this album was released in 2011. that was only 6 years ago but still, things were different back then, ya know? gay marriage wasn’t legalized in the us until 2015 and while things in the us were more progressive than say.. 1970 obviously, things still weren’t great. even now, in 2017 (thanks trump) theres backlash towards gay people still. it’s sad to think that i have to worry about what people might say when i hold another boys hand in public but i do. i don’t care really, what people think of me, but i don’t really wanna be with someone having a good time and hearing someone call me a faggot just cause i happen to love another man. not a fun day, sorry. i don’t have any proof but i’ve got a real deep gut feeling that gay people are not called nice things. (besides faggot, of course. got aids yet?). i can’t recall a specific place that i saw/read about it but i can imagine that gay people have been compared to animals at some point. which is what brings us back to that line. its internalized homophobia (which ryan had a lot of and it probably passed itself onto brendon).

its a different analysis so i won’t go too far into it but in folkin’ around (a song that brendon wrote) he says ‘and once your father has heard of all the wrong you’ve done, I’m putting out the lantern find your own way back home’. now, i haven’t analyzed that whole song so i could be ass backwards wrong but my first thought (the one i usually go with cause gut instinct is valid) is that ryans father is homophobic. not every time but occasionally, homophobic parents put so much pressure on their children that their children try to deny their feelings, even going as far as to be homophobic themselves which is what i think of when i think of ryan. so homophobic ryan would push those same feelings onto brendon who, at the beginning and even now, has always been very open about his sexuality or lack there of. he’s the type of guy to be like ‘whatever’ about it. he says straight but he also says that if a dudes hot then a dudes hot. but, after being with someone homophobic, before he put on his extreme ego, brendon could have very well felt like he was the one who was wrong or broken. i can’t imagine he felt good about much of anything and feeling being gay was wrong would have made it harder for him to even think of talking about his feelings.

second thought on this line is probably shorter. anyway, try to deny it, i don’t care. argue, fight, whatever. there is, always has been, and still to this day, a stigma around men being emotional. it is getting better with each day, slowly, very very slowly, but it is still looked at as weak, girly, gay, for men to share and express their feelings. here is a link to an AMAZING slam poem about this very topic. you don’t have to watch but i highly suggest you do. it’s 3 minutes of your time and such a fucking powerful message. bolded and italicized to make it real damn obvious

Feel like an ambulance

Chaser of faith

Pray I could replace her

Forget the way her tears taste

Oh, the way her tears taste

now, we’re jumping back into the relationship and brendon’s big gay feelings. so, when people think of an ambulance, they think of it lights and sirens, speeding all the way to the hospital, so that’s how we’re going to take it, too. that means that this relationship had to have been in a crisis. i know that i’ve analyzed the last couple of songs as brendon being oblivious to the impending doom of the relationship but i think he did know. i think he denied it, wanted to believe otherwise but like come on. most people can tell when their relationship is dying. they don’t want to believe it but the signs are all still there. anyway, brendon compares himself to the ambulance. he’s the EMT trying to do what he can to save this relationship. so then he also claims to be a chaser of faith. google definition said that faith is “complete trust or confidence in someone or something”. so that would mean that brendon is putting all that he has left into this ending relationship. he’s chasing faith and faith is gonna end up fucking him over, sorry kids.

so this last chunk is after the breakup. we’ve got our little ex mormon boy talking about praying. her, is ryan. he’s praying that he could forget her. he doesn’t want to remember, doesn’t want to hurt. then, he asks to forget the way her tears taste. remember how i said that ryan was homophobic? and how that rubbed off onto brendon? how literally all of ryans problems became brendon’s? yeah, thats a thing. brendon is asking to stop feeling like all of ryans problems are his own. he blames himself for the relationship failing because he thinks that maybe if i was better, maybe if i did more to help then this wouldn’t be a thing, we’d be together and happy. brendon thinks about all of the what ifs. he feels like he wasn’t enough to make ryan happy and that’s why things ended. he blames himself for the tears. and now, after the relationship is over, theres nothing more than just memories, he wants to forget so that he can move on. he even repeats it which adds emphasis and a sense of urgency.

The world may call it a second chance

But when I came back it was more of a relapse

Anticipation's on the other line

And obsession called while you were out

Yeah, it called while you were out

i lied. i had to talk about dallon. anyway, we said this song was after the breakup (duh, the breakup happened end of pretty odd.). so now, sarah smiles was about dallon and brendon first meeting, right? so brendon and dallon start their thing, and the world (fans) are looking at this new stage gay. they’re calling it a second chance. now, i know, officially it’s wrong but i wanna point out that google seems to think the lyrics are ‘don’t want to call it a second chance’ but either way, it has the same meaning. brendon isn’t the one calling it a second chance. whether it’s because he doesn’t want to or the fact that it’s the fans saying that and not him, he isn’t calling dallon a second chance. instead, he says it feels more like a relapse. now, i assume most of you know what a relapse is. correct me if i’m wrong, relapse doesn’t have a good connotation. i’m sure you could relapse into something good but lets be real. when you hear the word relapse you’re gonna think of drugs, alcohol, or self harm. i know i do. anyway, what’s brendon relapsing from? maybe a really bad relationship that left him emotionally vulnerable and troubled? i think so.

then, he says anticipation is on the other line. this is a reference to phones. dallon is anticipation. whether or not you think so, dallon is a very good thing for brendon. and lets be honest, when you start a new relationship, even if you aren’t boyfriends or whatever term you want to use, you get excited. there’s that feeling in your stomach that just makes you think of them constantly. that’s why anticipation is dallon. the next line is talking about the moments when dallon is gone. i can assume that brendon is still anxious about a new relationship. he already compared dallon to a relapse, he doesn’t seem to have high hopes for dallon. so when dallon isn’t there, obsession kicks in. it’s not obvious what he’s obsessing about but whatever it is, probably isn’t good. the tone of this song is almost negative. up until the end, it’s negative.

Asleep in the hive

I guess all the buzzing got to me

Well, I'm still alive

At night your body is a symphony

And I'm conducting

so, i don’t like this analogy. the bee thing. but whatever, i’m rolling with it. the hive, is a metaphor for brallon. brendon is falling asleep next to dallon (doing whatever it is our dear boys do together). the buzzing though, is everyone else. it’s a warning. he’s getting other people, managers or spencer, PEOPLE, telling him not to get involved with another bandmate. they’re saying, look how the last one turned out. it’s rude but they’re trying to save brendon. he can’t get hurt by dallon is they never start their thing, right? brendon’s response though, is ‘well i’m still alive.’ it’s not the best response. i don’t know how else to compare it but to a trauma victim, almost. people warn them not to relapse, say that things will be bad but their response is, well i’m still alive, what’s the problem? we already saw brendon compare dallon to a relapse because everyone expected things to end badly. they look at brendon’s record of past relationships and they expect it to turn out the way ryan did. we know that it didn’t but back when this was written, how were they to know?

then, like, y’all. this is so blatantly sexual. how does anyone skip over this line. NOT ONLY DOES HE TALK ABOUT NIGHT, THE MOST COMMON TIME FOR COITUS, but he also talks about dallon's body. then, he compares it to a symphony. now, i’m assuming they mean full symphony which would be band and orchestra. if you have ever heard those two come together in one piece, it’s magical. they’re excellent on their own but together, wow. now, remember, this is comparing dallon to a symphony. you can imagine. (theres only one other line that trumps this in terms of being overly sexual and i’ll get to it one day, don’t you worry). then, brendon says that he is conducting the symphony. i’m not gonna go too in depth on this because opinions may vary (brendon is dominant) but brendon is dominant. he’s conducting the symphony. just.. theres no other way to take this. (note: i didn’t say brendon tops, just that he’s dominant.)

final thoughts on this. right after he says he’s conducting, you hear a string section playing a quick melody. i’m comparing what they play to sex. if you listen, you hear it progressively get louder until it hits a.. wait for it.. climax. also, conducting is repeated throughout that little bit. just deserved a nice point.

It's said, "If you don't let it out

You're gonna let it eat you away."

now, there’s a significance to this coming back. it’s not an accident. he didn’t look at this and think ‘wow, that would certainly be swell’ and write it in. i want to also point out that this is a line from the beginning, when brendon was troubled over the breakup but this time, the part about keeping things to himself is gone. they’re telling him again that if he doesn’t talk about things, with dallon, or about his fears, that it’s going to eat him away. THIS TIME, he agrees to talk. he knows that he needs to be open now. (either because he’s no longer homophobic or because he’s grown and doesn’t think that there should be a stigma around men being emotionally because men (brendon) are emotional).

Put another ex on the calendar

Summer's on its deathbed

There is simply nothing worse

Than knowing how it ends

And I meant everything I said that night

I will come back to life

But only for you

this chorus is probably gonna be a long one because i FINALLY get to talk about the summer.

so, the first two lines. google isn’t always correct and this also isn’t something talked about widely so who really knows. but anyway, i just want to point out that the only time the sun and the moon (which was a common analogy for ryden in the pretty odd era) can be together in the sky is during the summer. anytime after summer, you won’t see them in the sky together. also, i believe whatever happened in cape town, happened at the end of summer.

anyway, back to the lyrics. brendon is counting down the days to the end of summer (replace summer with cape town). like i said earlier, he probably knew that things were dying but didn’t want to admit it. you obviously hear the chorus throughout the song so you’re constantly being reminded that brendon is counting down the days. then, he says that theres nothing worse than knowing how it ends. which, i agree. that sucks monkey balls. now, because he says and, that means that the fifth line is also apart of this same chunk. but, i will give it its own paragraph.

he is still talking to ryan about all this. he says that he meant everything that he meant that night. what night? what did he say? we won’t know officially but i’ve got a pretty good theory. seeing as how this song is about the breakup and what happened in cape town. ryan conveniently has a song named that from a band that failed, sorry.

I left you in Cape Town

Woke me in the morning

Asked me if I meant it, I didn't

these are the only lyrics that felt relevant to the analysis so here they are. we already know that ryan left brendon in cape town. its really the second two lyrics that i needed. the first is just confirmation. now, this still doesn’t really explain anything but i’m gonna take a wild shot in the dark here. taking what we know from the calendar, cape town by the young veins, and ballad of mona lisa, we kind of get the full conversation. i imagine it went something along the lines of this:

brendon: i really love you, do you love me?

ryan: no

b: do you mean that?

r: yes bye

and there you have it.

so, back to the chorus. brendon is saying that he meant everything he said to ryan. but notice, its past tense. he meanT everything he said. he no longer feels it.

remember how i said that this song doesn’t follow the pattern of dallon first and then ryan when it comes to the verses? this one is reversed. but so is the chorus. ryan comes first and gets a large chunk (2 verses) and dallon gets a small chunk (the bridge). he says that he will only come back to life, but only for dallon.

now, going back a few lines, he says that summer is on its deathbed. summer, when the moon and the sun are in the sky together, is dying. that means that ryden is dying, not just ryan or brendon, its both. now, obviously, summer ended. the relationship is over. which means that brendon is dead, too. i figure he was planning on staying dead, not coming back but *cough* dallon came and.. changed it all. brendon ends the song by saying he will only come back to life if its for dallon.

last thoughts on this song. brendon starts and ends this song by repeating “only for you” which brings extra emphasis for it. just.. a thought.

[empty-dream]

Me watching Fate/Apocrypha ep 4

OI! OI! OI! OI! OI! OI!

Spartacus sounds like he’s an aerobic instructor.

I never play FGO so I’m surprised Atalanta actually sounds like that. 

YO MA GREEK PIECE OF HOT SHIT APPEARS

*shrieking at FGO* ACHILLES WHEN!?!?!?!?!?!!?!

Atalanta u can’t blame Achilles for adressing you as Big Sis when u sound like one

“Where are our parents? Why do we only see see uncle’s face? Why do we suddenly have to babysit a problem child? Why is our family like this” 100% accurate dialogue

Wow the opening lyric is actually glorious, even tho I still prefer the ending song but that’s just me haha

Darnic: He’s the enemy. Astolfo: Let’s befriend him. Darnic: What part of enemy do you not understand? Astolfo: Um everything?

A baby is learning how to walk. Except the baby is full of existential crisis.

Spartacus is the best role model of “Hit them when they gloat*

Wow that’s some metal horse Vlad

When I first heard golem horse I thought it’d be horse made by glued bulky stones I’m glad A-1 has better idea

Spartacus charging at Vlad is more dramatic and stabby in the manga tbh

Vlad respecting everything from heroes to rebels even tho he’s top notch dreadful ruler 

Astolfo playing ditch is my favorite thing ever

Bitch Gordes u wanna be the winner just by sitting around and ordering your servant? U don’t get to do that

Achilles chilling and thinking he’s the hottest shit in the war and he seriously ain’t wrong

Atalanta taking “blend in your environment” to the next level

I mean, green outfit, in the forest, and animal parts...

This episode should be titled “Gordes the arrogant imbecile”

At this point if there is anyone who ain’t feel sorry for Siegfried FIGHT ME

Siegfried takes pleasure in fight because YOU are a SHIT master Gordes

Darnic’s voice is so cold he might as well skin u with his words

Achilles: *smirks all the time* Fran: .... Your face annoys me *shrieks*

Chiron is also the best role model on “Hit them when they gloat”

Uwaah Chiron is so hot when sniping people with ancient divine arrows

What is the probability of an arrow collides with another arrow?

Achilles: Such a sweet destiny to battle you, Now-Unknown-To-Me-Archer! Chiron: Boy you gonna hate that destiny

And here we have Fiore as an example of good master, unlike a certain person

What Homunculus feels when passing wounded homonculi while he escapes is probably the same as being the only one who gets A+ whereas ur gang gets F

Gordes shut up u can’t even throw a cup straight

What was it that you should do? Treat. Your. Goddamn. Servant. Like. A. Goddamn. Person.

Celenike is the epitome of walking with flat face and perverted thought in mind

Astolfo is 164 cm, which is short for a boy, then Homunculus is an actual smol baby

U can make a badass golem horse but you make a shitty creepy one-eyed owl why caster/roche?

Astolfo’s mindset is literally mindset goal.

Why would Avicebron cares about Homunculus? Well why would anyone care about you, Gordes?

Aaah one of the best irony in stories: Wanting to live when going to die

Astolfo: Let me save him! Siegfried: Why? Astolfo: Did you forget there is a hero in heroic spirit??

Finally somebody shuts Gordes up and it is his own servant bless u

Correction: This episode should be named “Hit them when they gloat”

Siegfried takes “take my heart with you” quite literally. And it’s shiny af.

So they choose the safe alternative huh. In the novel, Homunculus has to gulp down Siegfried’s heart....

Wow A-1 alters the plot so that Jeanne appears in time within Siegfried’s sacrifice so he can ask her to protect Homunculus.

Fixes a lot of problem with the ‘suddenly attracted even before meeting’ feel between Jeanne and Homunculus in the novel, good job A-1

Oh it saves a lot of screen time and animation too huh u clever shit. A bit of shame tho. Originally to find him, Jeanne has fierce faith debate with Vlad and it is fucking epic

I agree with Astolfo. There is no way Siegfried’s unworthy as a servant.

There is an unworthy master tho.

Astolfo’s crying for his death is sad :(

Goodbye Siegfried, my dear hero of justice

Instant aging! Now Homunculus is a hot guy.

Aww the two finally meet. And Astolfo.

WOW the ending song’s lyric is so bittersweet I love it! 10/10

NEXT: Pray for Astolfo.

[ashesofeternity]

Hey. Hey. My phone won't let me send all the symbols so guess what. Here's me saying all the symbols for that song ask thing.

aLRIGHT HERE WE GO READ MORE BECAUSE I’M A FUCK AND LIKE TO PUT IN LYRICS  AND ALSO SORRY THIS IS L A T E

🌧 - song for a rainy day

The first one that came to mind was Valkyries (Blind Guardian), because it literally starts with the sound of rain, but now I’ve realised there’s a much better song for this technically

The Edge ~ Blind Guardian

This is the edge now, it’s all we’re living forRAIN ON ME Love you’ll rain on meAnd at the end I boast in the cross and nowLove reigns -The god incarnation I’ve shaped

🌚 - song for when i’m feeling nervous

Rain or Shine ~ ELISA (I’m not putting lyrics because the best part is just the lalalala t b h)

🔥 - song that pumps me upNot in a million years will my answer to this one change g od I love grimgar

Sudden Storm ~ (K)NoW_NAME

Wonder where I’ll go from here, in this battlefieldBut I know that…I will shout till all is burnt and sweptI’ll bring the fire in and drainI wanna hear you screaming for my name(C'mon show me what you got)Singin in the fameEven when the future’s grayI’ll shine my sword to show and lead the way(Fightin’ till I win, time’s tickin’, better start runnin’ for your life,I don’t care about a war crime)Dust and ashes are the sameThe savage wars will never endThe blood I shed will turn to soil and blendNothing’s gonna stop my blade from slaying themI’ll keep my faith 

🍂 - song that helps me calm down 

 Soshite… Ikinasai

Hito wa yume kara umareta ikimonoAozora ga konna ni setsunai nante?Kako mo mirai mo mabataki hitotsu noMijikai inochi to shitteru karaToki yo… Umarekawattara hitoharu no hana de iiSoshite ikinasaisoshite aisareteRururu rurururururu Rururu rurururururu rurururururu Soshite nakinasaiSoshite chirinasai

🌊 - song for a day at the beach

Race the Seas ~ Solar Fragment

Only your picture will keep me saneI can see the prints of your feet on the beachbut at every spotthey are leading away from meand I fear that with a splashing wavethey are drawn back to the seaI have to race the seas to regain my honorto be worthy of loving you, my brideAnd then the tide will rise againbut you’re out of sightSo for a while I’ll rest here by the shoreuntil my future will recur

⭐️ - song i’ll listen to on repeat

Look, now, there’s so fucking many lmao. Right now it’s the entire Rome Burns album, but I’m gonna pick (because I Am The King doesn’t have official lyrics)…The Final War ~ Imperivm

My name is AntonyI fight for love in the sands of Egypt […]This is the final act, the last battle against the traitorFor you, my Egyptian queenWho are close to me… Here in my armsThe last ray of sun before darknessThe last ray of sun for freedomThe last ray of sun, save the Republic againstThe usurper that caused final warThe last real hope not succumbingThe last real hope of survivalThe last real hope before our suicideThe traitor that caused final war

🌠 - song that’s special to me

disillusion ~ Tainaka Sachi (god I love fate)

Yume ni mite ita Ano hi no kage ni Todokanai sakebi

Asu no jibun wa Nante egaite mo Kienai negai ni nureru

Kobore ochiru kakera wo Tsukamu sono te deYureru kokoro kakaete Tobikonde ike yoru heDareka wo ate ni shite moMotomeru mono ja nai no dakaraHontou no jibun wa koko ni irutteMe wo tojite inaide

☂ - song for when i’m feeling sad

there’s so many I’m trying to balance them out here between the sad asks asdkljaslkdjaslkd here have the saddest one

Life ~ Nene

Asa gakurebaTaiyou ganoboriyukuKoko nikoko niWatashi wairu yoKokoro karaai suru kotoKibou no hikarini naru

Subete wodakishimeHito waikiteku

IWantToSeeYouAgainYoru ninarebaHoshi gamatataiteyuku

Koko nikoko niWatashi wairu yo

🙂 - song that makes me smile

STARTING NOW! ~ Nana Mizuki

Tatoeba, hitotsu dake negai ga kanau nara (1, 2, 3, Go)Sekaijuu maki konde waraeru koi ga shitai (Get ready for a happy time)

Unmei nante kuuran darakeFuhen wo buchi yabure! (Now’s your chance)

STARTING NOW! STARTING NOW!!Kaitaku no seimeiSTARTING NOW! STARTING NOW!!Kizuiteiru desho?Zenryoku wo shitta mono dake furerareru yume ga aru

JUMPING UP! JUMPING UP!!JUMPING UP! JUMPING UP!!Ashita wo tsukuri daseru no wa dare demo nai, bokura da

💔 - song for a heartbreak

ok don’t shame me but, well, it’s about Tristan (and I don’t understand shit of the lyrics tbh lmao but I can feel it)

The Maiden And The Minstrel Knight ~ Blind Guardian

Yesterday’s memories and melodiesAre gone with the wind, so sadSnow-white her hands and golden her hairBut she’s not the oneOut in the emptiness where everything’s paleThere is no sign of you, I’m aloneHow I wish you would be here, I’m aloneTelling me it’s alright, come rest (your head)Come rest your headCome rest your headCome rest your headCome rest your headI’m alone and sadness reigns in my heartAs long as we live it won’t go awayWe are one but torn apartWill you still wait for me?Will you still cry for me?Come and take my handWill you still wait for me?Will you still cry for me?Come and take my handProudly it standsUntil the world’s endThe victorious banner of love

🎉 - song to party to

the entire Korpiklaani discography but that’s unfair so let’s pretend Korpiklaani doesn’t exist for a second and

Flyers ~ BRADIO

Everybody, put your hands upsou flying, tsubasa ni naremitemitai na muchuu ni nareru kimiimada seichouki shinsekai e

Everybody, put your hands upsou flying, sono imeeji dekitto nareru sa naritai jibun nisagase You’re the one oobutai e

Flyin’ wasureteta (Flyin)’ kioku no naka demou ichido mune no takanari o kike

🚶 - song for when i feel alone

Namae Wo Yobu Yo ~ Luck Life

inakutemo ii kaHitori tsubuyaite sora o miagetetaKaze ni magireteDoko kara ka kikoetaBoku no namaeBoku ga boku de ireru you ni moratta mono

Sorezore ni ima wo aruiteru bokura ga waraeru you niIkiteiru imi o tashikameainagara susumeru you niNamae wo youbu yoAnata no namae woAnata ga anata de ireru you ni

Kanashimi ni kurete anata no namida ga koboreru tokiSabishisa ni afurete kokoro ga shibondeku tokiNamae wo youbu yoAnata no namae woBoku no namae wo yonde kureta mitai ni

👯 - song that reminds me of someone

I could use this slot for something sad again but ACTUALLY here’s

Fie On Goodness ~ Mordred and Friends

No one repents for any sin nowEvery soul is immaculate and trim(Immaculate!)

No one is covered with chagrin nowLolly lo limGad, but it’s grimOh, fie on goodness, fieFie, fie, fie

There’s not a folly to deploreDerry down, derry downConfession Sunday is a boreDerry down, derry down

Ah, but to spend a tortured evening staring at the floorGuilty and alive once more

Oh, fie on virtue, fieFie on mercy, fieFie on justiceFie on goodness

Fie, fie, fie, fie, fie

💪🏽 - song that helps me be strong

HEY ACTUALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THESE BECAUSE THIS MADE ME REALISE I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED SOME SONGS AND DESPERATELY NEED TO REACQUIRE THEM, ANYWAYS

MY LIBERATION ~ nano

kono mirai ga horobiteshimau kurai nara

UNCHAIN YOUR LIFE tamashii hikisaiteUNBREAK DESTINY o kirihiraitenando kokoro yabure kuchihateta kono SOUL o saisei

TURN BACK THE TIME kurikaesu gensouFIGHT BACK THE PAIN yomigaeru honnounando moetsukusare sono hai kara tachiagaru jinsei

tenmei o furihodoite THIS IS MY LIBERATION

🏋 - song to work out to

I don’t do that but hypothetically

The Soulforged ~ Blind Guardian

From a distant timeVoices echo in the hall“Come and join usEnter life” andEverything is gone nowAnd through the looking glassI still fear mortality and its loss in the endUnlimited power in my handsThe claw of the dragon ascends(Mourn for his lost soulHe’s cursed and condemned)Each step I takeMay it hurt may it acheLeads me furtherAway from the pastBut as long as I breatheWith each smile on my bleak faceI’m on my way to findBack to the peace of mindAnd from the flamesAs chance would have itThe soulforged will come into lightAnd from the flames as chance would have itThe soulforged,The stainless will riseI will never change my mindI will leave it all behind

☄ - song for when i feel lighter than air 

Super☆Affection deserves a mention here because DAMN, b u t, I’m picking another starry song

Hallelujah☆Essaim ~ my friends from gabdrop

kakin?mukakin? mochikakin (hei maido!)aku nimezamete asagohan (chou matto-!)shikkoku nisometeyaru wa (FAITO!)hontominasama oitawashii 

ochikoboretoka mitomenai ([Demons] danko!)somosomo no hanashi desu ne ([Demons] nda to…?)sawagashii kono mainichi minna ga daisuki 

[Angels] tenshi janakutatte [Demons] akuma janakutatteyuujou wa(YES!!) fumetsu da yo (YES!!)HALLELUJAH☆ESSAIM!!!! 

watashitachi(zettai)konna ninatta keredo (lucky)shiawase nanda kara (sansei)ashita mo kitto kitto ii hi da yo newatashitachi (yuushou)jibun ni uso tsukanai (kettei)tanoshimanakya son janai? (sou desu)anata morettou Let’s Gokocchi oideyo rettou Let’s Try: DROP OUT

tama ni omou no hitori bocchi de koko ni ita narataikutsu sugite sekai ga owatteta kamoitsumo itsumo honto ni arigatoudame na watashi mo dame na anata mo suki ni naretarasubarashisugite wonderful world desusou subete wa watashitachi shidai

☀️ - song for a sunny day

This was an incredibly hard one, surprisingly, because Traveler In Time (Blind Guardian) and sun will rise (KnOW NAME) and anything by Solar Fragment keep coming to mind b u t I gotta choose one song, right?

Lunar Lament ~ Demons & Wizards

Take a look at meSo cold and all aloneI drift around in circlesAnd I can’t reach the sun

You saints and sinnersYour peace and warI drift alone in silence‘Cause I can’t reach the sun

It’s all I long forThe heat of the sunIt’s all I long forWhat I’m wishing for is the blessingof the sun

🌲 - song that reminds me of nature

I don’t want to put an instrumental here, but The Butterfly (Cruachan) really deserved this BUT HERE’S COMPENSATION

Erinsong ~ Cruachan

I am the wind that blows over the seaI am the wave of the oceanI am the murmur of the billowsI am the ox of the seven combatsI am a vulture on the rockI am a ray of the sunI am the fairest of plantsI am a wild boar in valourCome with me, I’ll show you eternityThis magical ring, it holds the key to everythingOur faerie land, the forests and mountains you seeCreated by magic, cast from the Gods and the Sidhe

💤 - song i fall asleep to

can’t relate to falling asleep in general to a song but for the swedenborgian feels I’m going with

Call My Name ~Kazenari no Oka~ ~ Yucca

Yoru no sukima yakusoku no oka de Tsukiakari ni shitataru hanabira ni KISU wo Fushigi no kuni izanau sono kagi　 Nigitta mama de shoujo wa otona ni narenai Kowagaru koto nado nani mo nai　 Anata wa keshite hitori janai no Call my name, dear my friend Sugu soba ni yukuwa Doko ni itatte tsunagatteiru Call my name, call my name Sugu daite ageru Ude no naka de nemutte mou nakanai de

✌🏼️ - song for when i feel fabulous

eh I’m not sure what this means so I’m taking the easy way out

Vodka ~ Korpiklaani

Vodka, you’re feeling strongerVodka, no more feeling badVodka, your eyes are shiningVodka, you are the real MANVodka, wipes away your tearsVodka, removes your fearsVodka, everyone is gorgeousVodka, yeah vodka

🌪 - song for when i’m angry

I mean most of them

Battlefield ~ Blind Guardian

It cannot be seenBut there’s blood on the greenOnly god knows I’m innocentTake me, take me homeA dark seed reigns in meLike the storm rules over the seaI challenge thee, do not cross this bridge alone

Don’t dare me nowThe threatening shadows will pass byThere’re getting closer nowOpen your eyesWake up my dear young friendAnd hate shall fade awayI will not move, yetI’ll stand still, insteadThere on the battlefield he standsDown on the battlefield he’s lostAnd on the battlefield it endsWar and anger shall reignThe clash of iron can be heardBy blindness you’re driven insaneI’m lost in anguish and griefSorrow won’t wane ‘til you dieA shattered body deeply hurtAnd darkness will cover the lightIt’s gone forevermoreThe field’s been left in sorrowThe father and the sonThey’re goneThe sun shines brightAnd anger risesLorn and lonelyTorn apartDon’t you thinkIt’s time to stop nowWe were charmed and fooled by the old serpent’s kissLet’s prayThat heaven is on our sideThrough violence and horrorShall honour ariseSo let’s prayAnd blessed shall be our leaderWe follow the noble and brightDon’t you hear me cryingCryingCome take me awayI hallow thy nameThere on the battlefield he standsDown on the battlefield he’s lostAnd on the battlefield it endsWar and anger shall reignThe clash of iron can be heardBy blindness you’re driven insaneI’m lost in anguish and griefSorrow won’t wane ‘til you dieA shattered body deeply hurtAnd darkness will cover the lightIt’s gone forevermoreThat’s what minstrel singJoin in the horrible screamsTake part in murderous deedsRenowned be the lion-heartedJoin in the minstrelsyWailing in endless griefIt eagerly longs for moreBroken bodies lay down on the ground

Blood sheds all over the placeThe green will be stained foreverAnd hate reigns all over the fieldThey keep struggling on in angerFiercely intenseOutrageous, too blind to seeAnd in pain they keep on singingWe claim the land for the highlordGod bless the land and our highlord

War and anger shall reignThe clash of iron can be heardBy blindness you’re driven insaneI’m lost in anguish and griefSorrow won’t wane ‘til you dieA shattered body deeply hurtAnd darkness will cover the lightIt’s gone forevermore

🎤 - song i’ll sing out loud 

KOOOOOOOOOOOOOUTESTU NO KAAABANERI YO SAAA TACHIAGARE wait no stop teb you can’t sing a song you only remember the chorus!

Time Stands Still (At The Iron Hill) ~ Blind Guardian

Light fails at dawnThe moon is goneAnd deadly the night reigns(Deceit)Finally I’ve found myselfIn these landsHorror and madness I’ve seen hereFor what I became a king of the lost?Barren and lifeless the land liesLord of all NoldorA star in the nightAnd a bearer of hopeHe rides into his glorious battle aloneFarewell to the valiant warlordThe Fate of us allLies deep in the darkWhen time stands still at the iron hill

The Fate of us allLies deep in the darkWhen time stands still at the iron hillI stand aloneNo one’s by my sideI’ll dare youCome outYou cowardNow it’s me or youHe gleams like a starAnd the sound of his horn isLike a raging stormProudly the high lordChallenges doom“Lord of Slaves!” he criesSlowly in fearThe dark lord appearsWelcome to my landsYou shall be damned

Lord of all NoldorA star in the nightAnd a bearer of hopeHe rides into his glorious battle aloneFarewell to the valiant warlordThe Fate of us allLies deep in the darkWhen time stands still at the iron hill

The Fate of us allLies deep in the darkWhen time stands still at the iron hill The iron crownedIs getting closerSwings his hammerDown on himLike a thunderstormHe’s crushingDown the Noldor’sProudest kingUnder my footHopeless it seemsYou’ve troubled my dayNow feel the painLord of all NoldorA star in the nightAnd a bearer of hopeHe rides into his glorious battle aloneFarewell to the valiant warlordThe Fate of us allLies deep in the darkWhen time stands still at the iron hill

The Fate of us allLies deep in the darkWhen time stands still at the iron hill 

The Elvenking’s brokenHe stumbles and fallsThe most proud and most valiantHis spirit survivesPraise our kingPraise our kingPraise our kingPraise our king

✈️ - song for when i’m feeling nostalgic

I mean, that depends, on, many, many, many things, so, uh I’ll pick one that fits right now I guess

Butterfly Kiss ~ Chihiro Yonekura

Hitosuji no hikari wo motomete Bokura wa michi wo ikiruHitotsudake ima shinjita Aisubeki hito no tameniSai ha chijyou takaku nagerareta Rakuen sore ha hiizuru miraiYou and I Tooi yume ni musubareru Kono akai kawa wo koeteHana ha mujyou sarau jyuujika wo Daite saita hakanaki tenshiYuuen no ai itsuka mitsukeru nara Kimi ni sasageyou Paradise

⚓️ - song that keeps me grounded

I SHOULD ANSWER THIS ONE SERIOUSLY BUT NOOOOOOOO I’LL TAKE THAT LITERALLY

Take Me Higher ~ Solar Fragment

The death of the Taurus has brought us here Minos has taken revenge We fear to die in exile but I know there is still a chance for us to go above the sea, my son, don’t touch the waves, don’t near the sun Watch out! Watch out! Watch out! Hear my words: follow the clouds! But in his days of levity the boy is not aware at all Father, save me your words come, let us fly like birds and 

Take me higher on wings we are leaving on wings we arise Shore so dire I’m longing for freedom The price for it will soon be payed So the tragic is foretold the wax will melt beneath the burning sun My invention, is it safe? Nature can’t be replicated! The claws of wind, at once they reap the young man falls into the sea My fault!My fault!My fault!

It’s too late but now I see the blaze in the sky would have posed no threat oh, if we had chosen the night instead Take me higher on wings we are leaving on wings we arise Shore so dire I’m longing for freedom The price for it will soon be payed

🌇 - song that inspires me

The Sea Queen of Connaught ~ Cruachan

I tell a tale of a pirate queen,Grace O'Malley was her name.Through her deeds and actions on the seas,She found fortune, respect and fame.Born to a seafaring family and educated well,Salt water in her veins, at sea she would raise hell!She preyed on trading ships, that entered her domain,Before the Nine Years war, she was a British bane!When she was but a child, she cut off all her hair,In defiance of her father who brought her to despair!“You cannot sail my ships with hair that is so long.”“But, father, can’t you see? All my hair is gone.”

⏰ - song for when i’m feeling stressed

look, I can basically pick ANY song at all for this one, can’t I?so figure out where this is from and call me out on it, I dare you

kanata e  kanata e tondeke watashi no negai With My Fantas/HIP Girlfriends Shake Shake Hip My best friends kyou wa donna hi datta? nani ga atte mo  watashi wa mikata da yo koko ni  inakya  deaenakatta nakama shigeki oome no  kankei ga suki kisoiau hodo  tsuyoku naru no wa waza dake janai tte koto kizuna datte sou hashiru yo! hashiru yo! yume made saa zenryoku de mune ni kizame  doryouku wa tomodachi sa kanata e  kanata e tondeke watashi no negai With My Fantas/HIP Girlfriends

[letmelive-or-letmeloveyou]

2, 4, 8, 9, 12, 15, 19, 20, 24, 25 37, 46, 47

2. Favourite lyrics

“She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes, Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect”

“I found myself in the fire burned hillsIn the land of a billion lights(Of a billion lights, of a billion lights, of a billion lights...)AngelsAngelsI am home, home, home, home”

Okay the lyrics don't do it any justice but when Jared sings the I am home part just fucking CHILLS every fucking time.

“I said, hey, girl with one eyeGet your filthy fingers out of my pieI said, hey, girl with one eyeI'll cut your little heart out cause you made me cryI slipped my hand under her skirtI said don't worry, it's not gonna hurt”

4. Top 5 Favourite songs at this moment

does literally every song on harrys new album count lmfao but really tho probably: Kiwi, City of Angels, Carolina, Winter Birds, and That’s What I Like

8. Latest song that made you cry

FUCKING CITY OF ANGELS I BAWL LIKE A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH AT THE THOUGHT OF THAT SONG

9. Artist/band that saved your life 

30 Seconds To Mars. Hands down. They save my life on a daily basis.

12. saddest song you know

Shit idk Winter Birds is pretty sad but omg Back to December by Taylor Swift that fucking song makes me so fucking depressed I can’t even

15. What song would you like to have your first dance to at your wedding

I have a couple but of course I can’t think of any. Probably Truly, Madly, Deeply, Cherry Wine OR FUCKING STAND BY ME BUT FLORENCE & THE MACHINE’S VERSION FUCKING YES MAMA

19. A song that gets you through shit

Honestly the album Gossip In The Grain helped me get through my last really bad depressive episode. The song Winter Birds especially because that whole album is so calming

20. A song to shut everything out

Not a song an album Lust, Love, Faith, + Dreams

24. A song that calms you down

Truly, Madly, Deeply

25. A song that makes you feel alive

City Of Angels or Do or Die

37. A song that has a lot of meaning to you

City Of Angels, lmfao this is getting so repetitive

46. A song made suddenly precious because of a special someone

Probably Hallelujah because my babe loves it so much so it makes me think of her

47. A song made suddenly painful because of someone special

Again any Katy Perry song because you know why

[sundara--karma]

One Step Closer to Heaven: Sundara Karma

(via, 6 Feb 2017)

Perhaps it’s a ballsy move to call your debut album ‘Youth Is Only Ever Fun In Retrospect’ when you’ve not long turned 21, but Sundara Karma are far from shrinking violets tiptoeing their way carefully through life. Over the last two years the Reading four-piece have dazzled with poetic lyrics, killer hooks and lofty ideas far beyond what most of their peers are peddling.

Their debut full-length, released last month, shows them doing the opposite of shying away from that approach - if anything, they’re stepping things up to ambitious new heights. More coherent and focused than EPs ‘I’ and ‘II’, it’s also jam-packed with dizzying anthemics that make you feel like you’re cruising at 40,000 feet and some thought-provoking, weighty subjects.

Religion, for instance, has always been something of a presence. Even back in 2014 on debut single ‘Cold Heaven’, they were posing theological questions about that big place in the sky, while their band name makes use of Sanskrit, the language used in Hinduism, Buddhism and Sikhism.

“I wouldn’t say I’m a religious person, but I can really empathise with people who are,” says vocalist Oscar Pollock, sat in an east London cafe. “I think you’re fucking lucky if you do believe in that because isn’t that such a lovely world view to have - that there’s this guy in the clouds who’s going to save you from your sins.” He’s also fascinated by the idea of there being something more beyond our lives on Earth. “That’s what eats up most of my thinking,” he says, fiddling with the empty water bottle on the table in front of him.

Even though he doesn’t subscribe to one faith himself, he says he understands the appeal after seeing how Buddhism helped his mum go from being “quite unwell for a while” back to a good place. Aspects of that religion have aided him, too. Meditation and yoga have helped with his struggles with anxiety and depression, and, without them, he says he can “go to a pretty dark place very quickly”. Being brought up around Buddhism has affected his songwriting as well. “When I was 15, 16, it really started to appeal to me,” he explains. “That’s when I started thinking I can use this in my songwriting. Before then my lyrical content lacked authenticity.”

“When I don’t have wi-fi for a few days I get the heroin kicks.”

Oscar Pollock

The grand, driving ‘Olympia’ finds the singer questioning “Is heaven such a fine thing?” while the tremulous, brooding ‘Be Nobody’, one of ‘Youth…”s highlights, was inspired by a book of the same name by former Buddhist teacher Lama Marut and his thoughts on the pressure to be “somebody” in the age of social media. “People are so invested in that ‘cause they think it’s going to make them happy,” he says. “Like ‘I’ve got to put this picture of my cat up ‘cause it’s gonna get me the likes and then I’ll be someone’. But you can literally change every part [of your life] so you seem perfect, which is destructive and brings on anxiety and depression ‘cos you’re searching for happiness in the wrong place.”

According to recent studies, getting a like on Instagram, a retweet on Twitter or even just a plain old text releases a hit of dopamine in your brain. “I can see how that happens cos when I don’t have wi-fi for a few days I get the heroin kicks,” Oscar laughs. “It’s fucking scary, but it’s still cool. And things like virtual reality are also a good argument for life after death - if you’ve got these goggles on and you’re looking around at your body and you can’t see it, but you’re still conscious, that means you can exist without having to be tied to this human incarnation.”

If you think Sundara Karma’s deep thinking starts and ends with religion you’d be wrong. Like others, they’re influenced by classic acts like The Beach Boys, The Clash, The Cure and The Smiths (so much so they’ve even included a cheeky nod to Morrissey’s old gang in ‘She Said’), but their songs of love, death and navigating young adulthood also draw from more unexpected sources. The band have previously explained Plato’s influence on ‘Flame’, the song’s narrative inspired by the philosopher’s The Allegory Of The Cave. In that story, a group of people are imprisoned in a cave from childhood, until one works out how to escape and steps out into the sun. There, he experiences a new reality and accumulates fresh knowledge about the world that, when taken back to the other prisoners in the cave, would cause violent reactions to the unknown and unfamiliar.

‘Lose The Feeling’, which immediately follows on the record, is a continuation of the same tale. “It’s kind of the stage after [‘Flame’] when the dude’s escaped the cave,” Oscar explains. “It’s about not wanting to lose that feeling of bliss you can get, especially from pills. Imagine if you had that feeling all the time. It would be incredible, but then would you not appreciate it, would you become accustomed to it? So maybe the lows are important too.”[]

[fatbottombucky]

Say Something *Steve Rogers x Reader*

Summary: Steve has to come to terms with that fact he can’t save everyone, not even you, and not even from yourself. Warnings/ Triggers: Self Harm, Depression, Mentions of suicide/ suicide attempt Characters: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Italics is a flashback

Inspired by the songs: Say Something - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera &  Carry You Home - James Blunt (I used lyrics inspired by these songs)

Note: I kind of told myself I’d never write anything like this. That I’d keep how I felt out of my writing but I’ve always been an advocate of the only way to “feel free is to expose those feelings and let them free fall away”. Everything reader feels, says or does, is coming from a very real place. When I was 13 I did my first suicide attempt, obviously, it failed like the others. I had many friends try to “help” and “fix me”, it only hurt more when they realised there was nothing thy could do and didn’t want to stick around to see me succeed. I guess, if this doesn’t help others, it at least connects to someone and makes them realise that they’re not alone. My feelings haven’t changed, if anything I want to kill myself more and more every day, it’s just suppressed from medication and therapy. I’ve linked some suicide help lines websites at the end of this. - Rosalee

“You can’t save ‘em all, Cap. Not even her.”

Sam’s words echo through Steve’s head as they sat in the hospital hallway, two brews of black coffee in front of them. Steve toyed with the paper cup watching the steam float up into the air, the smell of hand sanitizer filling his senses and the smell of the blood? Of course, he was still wearing the shirt and jeans that he found you in.

He didn’t realise he was shaking till the hot coffee sloshed onto his hand, momentarily breaking him from his thoughts and Sam gently pried his strong grip from the paper cup. He was grateful Sam was here but yet, he could feel the pity stares! He was getting pitied, which he didn’t understand. He supposes it was the fact he felt like a failure, all of his efforts literally going down the drain in your shower.

You were getting better, so he thought. He truly believed you were, you seemed so happy and carefree when together, it was if things were truly looking up for you and he felt some sort of satisfaction that he was the one helping. Maybe that’s why it went from good to worse, he didn’t think you would relapse and eh got cocky? Maybe he’s cocky for blaming himself for your relapse. He didn’t know but he felt like he failed you in some form. As a friend and a boyfriend.

He tried not to let his mind drift; it only went back to a few hours ago. All he could see was red. So much, so much blood; he doesn't think he’s ever seen that much blood, ever.

Steve walked through the front door of your apartment, calling your name as he toed off his sneakers. He didn’t hear a reply and frowned; he could hear the shower running once he got to your room and could see the steam coming from under the small slither of the door. Not thinking too much of you showering he walked into your kitchen.

He slowly drank a glass of water a nagging feeling in his brain, he didn’t like the feeling, and he got it a lot when you spent too much time in the bathroom. It’s not that he didn’t have full faith in you; it’s just that he knew what your mind can do. He walked back to the door and knocked twice for precaution; you may be shaving, again the thought of a razor near you always made his heart flutter. He trusts you, of course. Does he?

“Y/N?” He spoke loud; he knew you’d be able to hear it over the shower. “Are you okay in there?” He didn’t get a reply or even hear a shuffling of the curtain. “I’m coming in!” He placed his hand on the door handle, frowning at the locked door.

You never locked the door. It was a fact; Nat and Sam have countless times walked in on you by accident because you just never locked doors. Without giving a second thought Steve broke the handle off and pushed against the door till it cracked under pressure and fell to the floor. He huffed and looked up, that’s when Steve’s mind blurs because it was an out of body experience. He just stopped and stared, it was only for a few seconds but it felt longer.

Then finally his body caught up to his mind, he was quick to action, almost stumbling against the wood of the door as he ran into the bathroom. The shower was on blasting hot water against your limp body that was folded against the corner of the shower cubical. The water was sloshing away red water down the drain, so much red.

And he distinctively remembers saying; “Y/N, wake up! C’mon, baby. Wake up,” you didn’t wake up, not even when he went under the spray of the water and lifted up your body, blood dripping onto his jeans and his hands holding pressure to your wrists. “You’re not leaving me, not like this.”

“Say something!”

Only the blood wasn’t just pouring from your wrist but your thighs too, he couldn’t count how many cuts there was, mostly because the mess the water was creating was making it a watery, red blur. From the state of his clothes he guessed, it was enough. It was enough.

Then he remembers the ambulance showing up but he doesn’t remember phoning them. They walked into the doorway, seeing Steve holding your body to his under the spray of the shower and then he remembers someone putting a blanket over him, asking if he’d like to change but he decides against it. And someone must have phoned Sam, or maybe he did.

“Mr Rogers?” Steve is abruptly pulled back from his thoughts and looks up to see a Doctor in front of him. “We have news on Y/N Y/L/N; would you care to follow me?” Steve stands up silently with Sam beside him.

They’re both silent as they listen to Doctor Matthews talk, it’s just noise to Steve at this point. They’re walking to the intensive care unit, his blood is pumping so hard he can’t hear anything over it apart from his heart picking up its’ pace, he can hear the muffled voice of Sam asking a question. Everything works in slow motion almost, the big doors open and they walk pass this depressing waiting room to another door, a clipboard with your name printed in black pen on the outside.

He opened the door silently and gestured for Steve and Sam walk in first, Steve’s heart raced inside his chest as he walked inside the small cold room. The curtains were shut and the light was on casting a warm lighting onto the bed, a machine beeping letting them know you were somewhat stable. Wires all connected to you to different machines, bandages wrapped delicately around your wrists going up your forearm, he didn’t even know you had cuts that far up.

You were still so pale, so lifeless. You looked fragile, if he touched you, you’d break and maybe you would. He was stuck in the corner of the room just watching as machines helped your breathing, wondering what he has done wrong. The doctor reads a list of what they did to help you, how long they think you have till you wake up and telling Steve maybe, you should consider therapy. He eventually leaves Steve and Sam with you in the room. Sam gently pushes Steve to sit down beside your bed as he walks out of the room to get more coffee.

Steve remains staring blankly at you, he doesn’t know what to say or do. And he’s sorry he couldn’t get to you, not fast enough anyway. If maybe he answered the phone earlier this morning, he did text saying he was in a meeting, but maybe you needed him more. You definitely needed him more.

He’s going through every conversation with you the past week to find some sign, something he missed that led to this but he couldn’t. He knew how depression works, he knows that there are no warning signs or words that really stick out, let him know that if he paid attention he may have stopped this from happening. He knows that it can just happen; sometimes it’s a flick of a switch in the brain that you can’t control. Sometimes it’s just urges to cut, sometimes it urges to be left alone and just cry, and then there’s this. This urge to leave. To just stop and have it all end.

And for the most part, he thought it had gone away. He always had an inkling it may creep back but he thought he was strong enough, he thought he was enough for you to make it stop. He shouldn’t be making this about him but he can’t help it. He can’t help but feel mad, you were going to leave him and everyone behind, and he felt kind of sick.

“I think, when she wakes up, we need to be easy to her.” Steve frowns as Sam places the cup of coffee on the side beside Steve, sitting in a chair on the opposite side nursing a cup of tea. “We have to be gentle, I know you. I know you’re mad at yourself and possibly, her. But we have to be patient.”

Steve sighs lightly but nods, he hadn’t been through anything like this, this time with you felt different than the last (which was almost two years ago). Having Sam here was good, Sam would know what to say.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Sam begins, “what if I did this, what if I said this, nothing would have changed from what happened today. You can’t think about what if’s right now.”

Steve sighs gently and looks back at you, “what if she really wanted to. Sam, what if me saving her wasn’t actually saving her at all. I’m just preventing her from-“

Sam cuts him off. “No, don’t think like that. Don’t give up on her, you can’t now. It’s a long road to recovery for them, for anyone with her mental illnesses. They relapse; they have good days and bad days, granted their bad days are fucking shit days. Right now, she’s gonna feel like she failed, not just her suicide but everyone around her. And we, us, are gonna have to let her know that it’s okay. That her good days are to come.” Steve just sighs and slumps back against the seat. “I’m gonna back to yours and get you some clothes; you’ll just make her upset looking like that.”

Steve is left sat in the hospital room staring at the blankets covering your body, your hands rest above the sheets and bandages wrapped securely. Curiosity gets the better of him and he leans over grabbing the medical examination at the end of your bed, his eyes glance over the messy handwriting describing the self-inflicted injuries. Also describing a few cuts that are a few weeks old. How did he never notice them?

He sighs; he blamed the bitterness of the weather in New York for your long sleeves and baggy jumpers. He blamed the coldness of your apartment that you wanted to be under the covers when having sex. Signs he should have noticed but overlooked, he should have known something was wrong but you did say in the beginning, you had years of practising at covering things up. Makeup, excuses, you had everything down.

You didn’t want him to know. You didn’t want him to come to your rescue. You specifically picked a time when you knew he was busy, only Tony didn’t want to have the meeting any more than Steve did, so it was cut short. You wanted this. And Steve took that away from you, and he felt everything leave him. All sense of thought and feeling, he felt empty at the revelation dawning on him.

“Say something?” Steve sucked in a breath and looked up, you had weary, and tear filled eyes as you stared at Steve. He didn’t know how long he was in thought for but Sam still hadn’t returned so it can’t have been for too long.  

Before Steve can speak a nurse comes through, “Oh, you’re awake. I’m just here to put new bandages around your wrists, sweetie, that okay?” You meekly nod, no strength to really decline anyway.

Steve remains silent and watching intently as the woman unwraps the gauzes, grabbing some cream that must be to help stop infection she softly, rubs in circular motions on your wrists. Asking you how much it hurts, if she is wrapping too tightly. She informs you that she’ll be back in an hour to place new bandages on your thighs, and also she’ll let the doctor know you’re awake.

You’re left in awkward silence with Steve; you look over to him tiredly. He seems to be having an internal battle with himself like he has something to say but he doesn’t know how to word it.

“Say something.” You mutter again, your voice coming out all crackly.

“I don’t know what to say,” Steve admits in a rush, “what do you want me to say?” he asked you, looking at you pleadingly. You shrugged, looking away the pain of failing him too much to even look him in the eyes for longer than ten minutes. “I thought I was watching you breathing for the last time when I found you.” His voice is soft, almost a whisper.

The confession hangs in the air for a few seconds. You let it settle in how scared he must have been, you didn’t plan for him to find you, and you didn’t really think of who would find you. Maybe you should have but you didn’t really think for anyone at the time. You notice Steve’s clothing and grimace, you didn’t want him to be the one to find you, not again.

“I feel like I owe you and explanation but I don’t know what to say,” you tell him and Steve remains silent. “You were so happy, so happy. I didn’t want to bring you down, you don’t deserve to be unhappy, Stevie. I tried so hard, I really did. I was happy, I swear, I still somewhat was. It was just all too much. I couldn’t-you don’t- I just wanted it to be over.” You cried, “And I… am feeling so small and I was over my head. You’re just so you and I am this mess of a person. You were so proud, so proud of me and I don’t want to drag you through any of this.”

Steve remains silent, watching you cry and he wants to reach out, hold you and tell you it will all be okay. He’s not sure if you’ll believe that, he’s not sure he believes that. “I hate we always end up here, Y/N.” Steve speaks up, “I thought the last time was the final time, I thought we got through this.” You don’t say anything in response, and he shouldn’t but he becomes angry. “Say something,” he commands and you flinch. “I’m giving up on you…” it comes out as a small whisper but you hear it.

He regrets it instantly, as soon as the words leave his mouth. He sighs and leans back against the uncomfortable chair, you look at Steve as he shut his eyes, you let out a few shaky puffs of air and with all the strength you have reach for his hand. Holding it and he looks at you, you give a little smile.

“I can’t keep watching you die,” he tells you softly and you nod lightly. “I… swallow my pride, I can’t save everyone, and I know that but don’t make me admit defeat on you. Just say something…”

“What do you want me to say?”

“That you’re okay, we’re okay and after we sign you out, I’ll carry you home to finish watching Sherlock on Netflix.” You smile and nod.

“I’m okay, Steven. We’re gonna be okay, and when we sign me out, I’ll get a piggy back ride home to get doughnut’s for when we watch Sherlock.” He nodded with a smile, squeezing your hand as you go back into silence.

You fall back asleep holding Steve’s hand and he gently pries his out, standing up as the same nurse comes in, giving him a gentle smile. “Oh, she fell back asleep. You should go home and get cleaned up; we’ll call if she wakes up before you’re back.” Steve nods lightly as she leaves again.

“As strong as you are, I’m not. You’re the one that I love and I’m saying goodbye,” he leans down and kisses your head before leaving; no one even second glances at his clothing. He leaves the hospital before Sam arrives again, clothing in hands for Steve.

A note on his chair from Steve saying, “You’re right, I can’t save them all. She can only save herself if she wanted to.”

(Link One, Link two and Link three. So, I’m really nervous about posting this. I’ve never been one to post something like this, I hope this connects with people the way I want it to. My intention isn’t to hurt or trigger anyone, I hope this helps people realise they’re not alone. And it isn’t your fault people walk away from you, it’s because they aren’t strong enough themselves. I’ve had people walk out for this reason, I don’t blame them or myself, I blame my illness more. It doesn’t just make me sick, it makes the people around me sick also. I love everyone of you, please seek help or talk to someone. - Rosalee)

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