#they like to latch onto lgbt culture and spaces and make it part of their own personality

[musclesandhammering]

Perpetually annoyed by the attitude straight women have about gay men and the gay men who encourage it 😒

[kierancampire]

Sorry, this is lengthy!

I made a post on Reddit asking if anyone has any questions they would like to ask a gay guy they otherwise have felt unable to, as I just wanted a safe, honest, and open space where people could freely ask questions without judgement and I would do my best to answer them. It being Reddit I was expecting backlash, but surprisingly only like, 4 people were assholes, the post sorta blew up way more than I was expecting and on the post and in private messages I got an avalanche of questions.

Two separate people though asked me why some gay men are flamboyant and feminine, whereas others are masculine and more subtle. This is why I'm posting this, I want to share my answer and I am just curious if anyone agrees or disagrees with it, or has any other input? Here was my answer to the question:

Do keep in mind that this is a subject that really needs multiple inputs, hours of debate, and people of varying life styles, namely people higher up in psychology and studies on sexuality, so I can only talk about what I know and give a small input on this huge subject.

Sorry this will be lengthy but I want to try and do the subject justice. Firstly you need to keep in mind it's still not entirely clear why people are born gay, a theory is biology, so potentially right off the bat gay men/LGBT+ people may just be wired different inherently, so those difference can have all sorts of adverse reactions.

Though as I said, it's just a theory, another could simply be psychology. The way we are brought up, the environment we are in, the way we connect and interact with people as children, that could all determine our sexuality, which obviously will also greatly impact our personality, mannerisms, and how we behave as people.

To go further in upbringing, that really is crucial into how you interact with your sexuality. For instance, if you grow up in a strictly religious and unaccepting household, as an adult you may be more anxious, paranoid, and withdrawn as a gay man, you may try to come across more masculine and hide who you are. Where as if you grow up in a house that not only accepts you, but encourages you to be who you are and explore yourself and your identity, that in turn will inevitably make you more care free and open in your identity and expression. It also depends on your family as people too, if you grow up in a predominantly male household who are all into guns, cars, hunting, sports, stuff like that, it's what you grow up with and mirror. But if you grew up in a household of mostly women and spent your life around feminine media, material, and personalities, you could in turn pick those up. But then in saying all of this, being gay is sort of rebelling against society, and gay men, when finally free, may do the polar opposite of their upbringing and what they were "allowed" to do, simply to say fuck you.

I think another aspect of it is societal standards. Due to stereotyping and generalisations, a lot of people can have an idea in mind of how gay men act and behave, but that isn't just a straight thing, gay people get stuck with those ideas too. So some of us just gravitate to what we are told is acceptable/normal for how gay men should act, it also in part could be due to internalised homophobia, almost a form of degrading yourself, to be less of a man. You also can just mirror gay people you see in media and in person, you have no idea what it's like to be gay and how it feels to be gay, as often no one in your life is and you've never been spoken to about it, so you just latch onto and mirror the few gay things you know.

One big thing to keep in mind is, being gay is a culture shock. You live your whole life thinking you're like any other person, just to eventually find out you're actually different. It makes you question everything about you and what you know, it also makes you question the other people in your life and how they are. Then you sorta need to go through the whole process again of discovering yourself and learning who you are, what you like, what you enjoy, what makes you, you. I know personally I went through a stereotypical gay phase as I thought I had to do that to be gay, I also had to see if that was who I am. I decided it wasn't and then became my own version of gay.

Some gay guys also probably feel the need to make a point/declaration that they are gay and proud, and there's no better way to do that then go against every societal standards and expectations of how men should be, and to be loud about it. It's also about being noticeable, keep in mind that the gay world is small, and some people just like to advertise at every moment who they are to make connections, relationships, and that if you are gay, you can be gay with them in safety. But two final aspects I want to mention. Firstly, the whole point of being gay is being different and embracing it, you can't be gay without embracing being different, so that will mean instinctually your personality will embrace all that is different. But then finally, like anything else, it just comes down to personality. People like different things, people dislike different things, people have different routines and behaviours, people speak differently, people learn differently. Being a flamboyant and feminine gay is just another part of those differences in personality.

Sorry this is so lengthy! Like I said this is just my perspective and a small view on a very large subject, but I hope that can open up a small understanding in why there can be these differences in gay men :)

[trans-girl-waiting]

Not everyone and everything is valid! It is entirely possible and increasingly common for people to identify as things that they aren't. The people who defend them have this fucked up idea of validity where the person identifying as whatever is always in the right, no exceptions. And the person advocating for history and the meaning of words (often lesbians) is made out to be the aggressor, when in fact they're the one defending the possible erasure of our culture and definitions.

And I think this partly has to do with the fact that, stripped of context, you could easily read the above as a post by a terf about trans women. Or a conservative arguing about gay marriage. Or a truscum saying non-binary people aren't a thing. "Words mean things" is a phrase many LGBT people have heard as a weapon. And yes, there are many historical examples of words being used and defined oppressively. Maybe this is part of why any and all advocacy for word definitions eventually gets labeled as "terf rhetoric" and "gatekeeping", even though it's being applied to a "heteroflexible lesbian" or the like.

But like... nuance exists. "Words mean things" is an unquestionably true phrase that can and most often is used in a positive way. Not "you are vawid! uwu acey beans" positivity, but as in a positive effect on our world. Every community and safe space, by the definition of the words must have some level of gatekeeping. If everyone can be a part of it, what's safe about it? If someone wants to create a community of specific kinds of people, you can't let yourself in without at least slightly stymying expression and comfort.

My internet oasis is a lesbian only FB group (and before terfs latch onto this one, you're much more likely to be kicked out than me lmao). That group is where I am quite possibly the truest form of myself. My idea of an ethereal paradise is just that group irl.

And the reason it's that wonderful? That freeing? It's because of exclusion. If you're not a lesbian, you can't join, simple as that. It's quite possible that I could be in a group with every single one of those other lesbians, but the difference is simply the fact that other kinds of people aren't there.

This is not to say I don't love bi girls or any other non-lesbians, obviously I do. But exclusionism in this context is what makes that paradise possible. We can talk about lesbian things without someone saying "please make this about me" or us feeling embarrassed to mention such things in front of non-lesbians who won't understand. Letting anyone and everyone in hurts people. Allowing people to change the definition of words hurts those who the words actually apply to.

Unquestionable validity is a dangerous concept. If lesbian means "any woman who's ever met another woman" it doesn't mean anything. A world in which the words we find solace in no longer mean anything is a world where it becomes impossible to build community. And if these communities do get created in that world, they get seen as villainous.

So anyway, long story short, lesbians aren't attracted to men, sexuality is who you're attracted to not how you're attracted to them, and nuance exists! Use your critical thinking skills, develop them if you don't have them, or just shut up lmaoooo

[aqours-remade-again]

to start off, i’ll have these two images right by eachother: on the top is the first homophobic comment i could find on the infamous Pennywise article, and right below it is every single (current? I don’t know how this site works and I don’t want to figure it out) article written by the person who wrote the Pennywise article, Rose Dommy, who I now fucking hate and despise with every fiber of my being, but I’m gonna ignore that to get to the main point

now, I assume that most people who do latch onto the idea of Pennywise being their monster bf or whatever (funny since technically a girl but whatever) are probably all for the most part just LGBT teens and adults trying to have some fun. there are people who of course take this to a disturbing level, but that’s not the main topic for the time being. to quote a friend from Discord this is “the type of website and person who loves to tie LGBT culture to the establishment popular culture” that is to say, taking LGBT culture and using it to generate clicks and revenue: there is no doubt in my mind that Ms. Dommy knew every bit how every single word they typed in their article was asinine beyond all belief. that is very much the point, and they get that money off us in the process.

“this Lana Del Rey cover of this woman who has gained incredible controversy for speaking over LGBT people will make you 69% gayer!!! i’m cry: gay penguins no have kids :(((?” its treating us like fucking toddlers who can’t wipe our own asses and more importantly, as a product to be sold. we’re being fucking used by these articles to sell to cishets or highly confused young LGBT people who latch onto this culture thinking its ours when its really their’s. this results in the top comment. anyone with more than two brain cells probably understands how latching onto a child-murdering eldritch abomination space clown that literally transforms to manipulate the fears of children to make them more delicious to eat alive isn’t actually good LGBT rep. but then articles like this come up, designed to draw in as many clicks as possible without giving a shit about the kind of message that it creates. now, Ms. Giunta was always going to be homophobic. do you 

there’s a lot of people who would argue that religion is integral to a society, but in the 21st internet century we have arguably moved to a point we don’t need religion to fill that vital role, because now brands can do it. just replace religion with:

wanting to fuck a monster clown/latching onto anything as an LGBT icon regardless of its implications in an act of “reclamation” that doesn’t work

Disney/Marvel/Star Wars/ANYTHING

whatever brand you want it all works just as well as long as you can slap a #hashtag on it

in this case, the brand is a specific fetishization and infantilization of LGBT people that applies to almost everyone that fails to see through it: both young and old LGBT people unaware the fetishization of our brothers and sisters (and most horrifyingly, even themselves) is actually a good thing and is becoming our #culture not being taken advantage for profit, for cishets that view us and our culture as “exotic” and something they want to take place in because it appeals to them as something exciting and fun and not our literal lives, and most terrifyingly of all the homophobes and transphobes who despise us and wish us dead who long for anything they can use as ammo against us. all three of these groups are perfectly catered to by this exact brand of, lets call it “funny weird hyper queer yaaaas culture xD!” from actual LGBT people to homophobes everyone is perfectly catered too, and make NO mistake that the author is unaware that such attraction draws in homophobes as well, because all that matters is the most clicks and the most possible money made

this is a brand. this is a specific brand that strives to make as much money as inhumanly possible at the expense of LGBT people. and like most of those brands, they care nothing for whatever potential damage is done to us in the short or long run.