#they kind of remind me of those fidget toys

[phantasmal-rabbit]

orugas🎀

some close-ups

I wanted to draw these worm-caterpillar things in my style, they are so silly 💕

[feroluce]

Randomly consumed today by the thought of henghill cuddles, but like from a specific point in their relationship, like after they've only recently started laying in the same bed together.

It's something that takes them a long time to work up to; they both have nightmares, and yeah, Dan Heng is a Vidyadhara and he can heal himself beyond anything Boothill could accidentally do to him, but still. Boothill is made of metal now. He's heavy. It wouldn't take much, just a single flailing limb to cause some damage. He still gets up after Dan Heng falls asleep, and sneaks down into the guest cabin in one of the other cars.

But he'll lay in bed with Dan Heng until then. At first Boothill would always try to situate a blanket between them, because well. Metal isn't exactly pleasant to cuddle. But more and more lately, he's noticed Dan Heng keeps worming his way around their soft barrier and just kind of...rubbing his hand along him? Open palm up the curve of his side, across the planes of his chest, into the star-shape at his solar plexus, down the plates of his abdomen, back to his side again. Fingertips tap soundlessly against metal, or press into dents and divots, or smooth over old scars in the steel.

"Ya don't hav'ta do that, ya know."

"Does it bother you?"

Dan Heng's hand has already stopped, settling somewhere on the futon, neutral ground. Boothill clarifies that no, it doesn't bother him. But he can't feel any of it. He only knows he's doing it because he can see the motion out of the corner of his eye. Dan Heng doesn't need to go through the extra effort to do things for him like he would someone with a normal human body.

And Dan Heng goes quiet, just long enough that Boothill gets curious and turns to look at him over his shoulder. He has the cute little furrow between his brows, like when he's thinking.

And then he opens that pretty mouth of his and says, "That's alright, I think I'm doing it for myself, anyway" and Boothill nearly wheezes because wow, Dan Heng is almost never quite that honest when it comes to himself fdklsajlkd

Boothill cackles in surprise and asks point blank what he means, because what could he be getting out of that? Given the implied permission, Dan Heng's hand starts it's usual route again. Side, chest, solar plexus, abdomen, side. Boothill can practically hear him chewing on his words.

"I like that you're warm," is what he finally says, and Boothill suddenly feels like a bullet has just grazed something vital. "All the processes you run increase your temperature," Dan Heng's hand fans out across a span of steel and he holds it there, like he's soaking up the heat. "And your metal is smooth, it feels pleasant to touch," his fingertips move in circles, slip into a divot perfectly sized, rub back and forth. Boothill silently wills one of his cooling fans threatening to open up to stay closed.

"I like how you feel under my hands. That's all." Headshot! No recovery possible.

"...Suit yerself, then," and Boothill quickly turns back over before Dan Heng can see it in his face, how close he just hit to his heart.

[magniloquent-raven]

this post has been haunting me. i'm weak for beefy men in pretty underwear and @theweewooshow left an open invitation in the tags that i could not resist 😭 i was gonna say i can't believe this is the first fic i'm posting about these two, but honestly it kind of tracks.

hope yall enjoy!!

**

One of the things Tommy's always liked about Evan is how emotional he is. Expressive, is the word, maybe. Vibrant. It was one of the first things he noticed when they met. Poor kid was radiating nerves. The way his hands fidgeted in his pockets, and he wouldn't stop pacing while Tommy was double-checking their gear.

It's kind of fascinating to Tommy, watching Evan light up when he's happy, wilt when he's tired, always seeming to feel every emotion with his entire body.

All that to say...Tommy notices right away that something's up. There's a tiny, reactive part of him that wants to say wrong, something's wrong, but Evan's not pulling away, he just. Froze up for a second. It could've been a twinge in his bad leg when he climbed into Tommy's lap, or any number of other blips that won't completely derail the nice evening they're having.

But on the off chance...

Tommy carefully rearranges his grip, settling his hands comfortably on the small of Evan's back instead. "Everything okay?" He keeps his tone as light as his touch, and watches Evan's expression closely. Their eyes meet only briefly.

"No, uh, yeah." Evan's gaze skitters down, roaming Tommy's face, then darting away. "I, um." He grimaces, and shifts in place. The warm weight of his thighs is distracting. He's still a solid presence in Tommy's lap, and making no move to change that, despite his sudden singular focus on toying with the drawstring of Tommy's sweater.

The corners of his mouth are pursed into a frown that Tommy thinks about kissing away. That thought gets gently pushed to the side. Talking first, he reminds himself. Especially because... "If you're not in the mood anymore, that's okay."

Those—pink, perfect, God—lips part around a huff, half-curved into a grin. "That's kind of the opposite of the problem," he laughs.

Tommy can't help but mirror the smile, even if it's only a tiny one. "So, what is the problem?" He trails his fingertips up the line of Evan's spine, and down again, retracing the path when he feels Evan lean into the touch.

"It's...well, not hard to explain, exactly, but. I kinda wasn't expecting to explain..." He sighs, loud and exaggerated, and falls forward to plant his face in the crook of Tommy's neck, where he continues, slightly muffled, "How do you feel about lace?"

It's not what he was expecting to hear. Though, he's not sure what he was expecting. "Can't say I've thought much about it, to be honest."

He dated a girl back in the day who liked lingerie. She was always asking him what he thought about various scraps of silk and velvet, and it was all...very awkward. He always told her he'd like her just as much in cheap cotton and a borrowed t-shirt, which. In retrospect, was ironically true. When she broke up with him she accused him of being cold. Withholding. He brushed it off as neediness on her part.

He suppresses a wince at the memory.

Evan wraps Tommy's drawstring around his index finger, slowly curling it around his knuckle. "My ex. Taylor. She liked it. She liked...me. In it."

...Oh?

He can't picture it. Not in a bad way, he's not put off by the idea—very much the opposite—but when he tries, the mental image just...blurs. His brain is trying to mesh Evan with his hazy memories of things he never paid much attention to, and it's coming up frustratingly empty.

Tommy is very proud of how calm and steady he sounds when he says, “And…this was something you liked too?”

Warm air tickles the underside of his jaw. “Yeah.”

“Okay. Why are you telling me this now?” He feels like there’s something he’s missing. Something obvious he should have realized, if only he wasn’t so preoccupied with the way Evan’s thighs are flexing, his hand sneaking under the hem of Tommy’s hoodie, skin-to-skin, palm skimming his side, and the hot, tingling press of mouth-on-neck.

“Wanna find out?”

The second he nods he almost wishes he hadn’t, because all at once Evan is gone, and Tommy’s left sitting on his couch in a horny daze, blinking up at his slyly grinning boyfriend. As nice as the view is, his lap is cold now.

Evan thumbs his waistband. There’s excitement sparkling in his eyes, bright and shining, but he hesitates a moment before taking a deep breath and dropping his shorts around his ankles.

Oh.

So…lace. Tommy’s having feelings about lace. Not much in the way of thoughts yet. But feelings, definitely. The sudden rush of heat that burns through him leaves him a little light-headed, all the blood in his veins fizzing like he’s a can of soda someone just popped the tab on. His fingers itch to reach out, he aches with want, desire pooling low in his gut.

Thing is, they’re not even anything too fancy, as far as Tommy can tell. He has vague memories of his ex—and good God does he suddenly feel like he owes her even more of an apology—in complicated woven ribbons and things that probably looked like a crate of bungee cords in whatever bag they came in. Evan is just wearing…panties. Simple, pale blue, lacy panties. There’s a little bow on the front, and it’s unreasonably cute.

Evan hikes up his t-shirt a little, so Tommy can get a better look, presumably. Which he appreciates. He’s losing his mind a little over the trail of light blond hair under his belly button disappearing into soft blue lace. He wants to follow it with his tongue.

The attention is making Evan hard. Tommy’s not sure what his face is doing exactly, but whatever it is, Evan seems to appreciate it. He’s filling out that pouch in the front so fucking well, it’s making Tommy’s mouth water.

“So, uh. Good?” Christ, he sounds breathless and Tommy hasn’t even touched him yet.

It takes all of Tommy’s willpower to drag his gaze up to Evan’s face, but it’s worth the effort. His cheeks are flushed a happy pink, creased by a grin he’s failing to restrain even with his bottom lip trapped by his teeth. The blue in his eyes is a nearly-invisible ring around his dilated pupils, and shadowed by his heavy-lidded expression.

“Evan,” he says, a little hoarse. It’s all he can say without laughing hysterically at the sheer understatement of good. Without telling Evan, in detail, exactly how badly he needs to suck him off through that fabric. How vividly he’s imagining what it would feel like against his own cock, wondering if he could cum just from rutting against Evan’s lace-clad ass while he squirms and begs to be fucked properly.

And more importantly, it’s all he needs to say.

The rest he can just show him.

[tiniestkitty]

―୨୧⋆ ˚ tips for regressors struggling with depression and anxiety 🌧️

🧸 one thing that has helped me tremendously has been starting a therapy / mental health journal. you can find prompts online, or even come up with your own ! I find tracking my triggers (what makes me feel upset or anxious), reflecting on how I handled my day, writing my thoughts, and what I'd like to bring up in my next therapy session helps me feel a lot better. ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა

-- you can take time to learn about your brain and how it makes choices; for example, learning about and researching your trauma responses, mental illnesses and how to ground yourself during panic attacks. sometimes our brain can make us feel or think things that we can't control, so its important to differentiate between what we are telling ourselves and what our brain is telling us.

🫧 be kind to yourself and take time to rest if you need to. Indulge in things you like and find calming activities to do after a hard day such as coloring, doing a fun craft, playing a video game or using play therapy.

🧸 distance yourself from relationships or people that make you feel uncomfortable or are harmful to your mental health. its not mean to say you need space. you can still be friends and have established boundaries, and if someone dose not respect those boundaries its okay to distance yourself from them or take a break from talking to them until you start to feel better and are more capable of saying how important those boundaries are.

🫧 make sticker charts and schedules ! I have one for brushing my teeth. I also use a fun app on my phone called Pokémon Smile that reminds me to brush and sets a timer. ૮₍ ˃ ᵕ ˂ ₎ა

🧸 find little things to look forward to, like a new movie coming out, a birthday or a Holliday you love. sometimes I order little gifts for myself in the mail after doing a big task or getting trough a hard day hehe ! ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა

🫧 clean your space, and maybe even redecorate a little to give yourself a fresh start 🤍

🧸 find ways to "work around" overwhelming tasks like running errands or going to the doctor by bringing a comfort item or stuffed animal with you. you could keep them in your bag if you are too shy to hold them, but from my experience, no one seems to mind hehe. /lh I also like to pack fidget toys to hold when I get anxious.

note: I'm not a medical professional and I'm just speaking from my experience as someone with generalized anxiety disorder and severe depression. not everything listed here might work for you, but I hope you found this helpful. 💕 /lh

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ extra recourses 🌧️

how to use agere for self care - YouTube

hotline numbers for emergencies - tumbr

inner child healing journal prompts - Silk + Sonder website ( no adds )

[mustainegf]

FOR SOME REASON THE REQ WON’T WORK TOO POST SO I HAD TO SCREENSHOT

𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐀 𝐅𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 ²⁰²⁴

Morning light comes in softly through the curtains. James shifts beside me. His deep sighs are a murmur. It's Father's Day, yet we're having one of those rare lazy mornings, no plans, no rush. Just the quiet of the house around us. I can tell he's relaxed, yet there’s this heaviness in his breathing.

He eventually rolls onto his side, the slightest of smiles on his lips, and turns to me. "Feels weird not having the kids around," he says dreamily, in a far off voice. I reach over and give a light massage of my fingers down his arm, catching the familiar coarseness of his skin as my fingers trace his tattoos.

"They're grown up," I say softly. "Living their own lives now.”

He nods, but his eyes stray away. I can tell he drifts off into memories, and a soft sadness settles in his eyes. He gazes down at the bedspread, fidgeting with the fabric. "I remember when they were just little… when they'd call me daddy and look at me like I was some kinda hero..."

I give his arm a gentle squeeze. "You were their hero. Still are."

He chuckles, but it's bittersweet, his eyes still filled with memories. "You remember the twins' first steps? They both walked on the same day. Held onto each other for balance. Stumbling all over the place."

I smile, remembering the scene. "I remember. They were determined, even back then.”

Sighing, he lets his eyes wander to the ceiling. "They used to run for us in everything, scraped knees, broken toys… they crawled into my lap, and everything was aright." He goes silent, his face softens, with a sadness only a father knows as he reflects on how fast time has flown by.

"They loved having you there, James," I reply, hope that he can feel the weight of my words as much as he hears them. "They knew you'd always make things better."

James sighs, glancing down at our hands intertwined on the bed. “It’s crazy, y’know?” he says. “Kirk just had a baby. Here I am, turning 61, and he’s starting all over again.”

I can see the thoughts in his mind. He rubs his thumb over my knuckles slowly, lost in it all. “I mean, I’m happy for him. Really am. But it’s got me thinking… what it would be like to go through that again.”

He exhales hard, his shoulders sag just a little. "Sometimes, I wonder if I did enough… if I was around enough. The tours, the nights in the studio… did I miss too much?"

I know he's being hard on himself, as always, when it comes to the kids. "They turned out incredible," I gently remind him. "Our girls and strong and independent, and our boy is so kind hearted and smart. You did plenty, my love.”

He stares out the window, his eyes misty, and nods slowly. "Remember when he first rode his bike? The way he yelled, 'Look, Dad!'… I swear, I thought my heart would stop."

I chuckle softly. "You were so proud. You couldn't stop talking about it for days.”

He laughs though there's a sadness to it. "Feels like that was just yesterday… and now he's halfway across the country, doing his own thing." His voice trails off, and he swallows. "I thought I'd be ready for this. But I miss them. I miss those little versions of them.”

I turn to him, brushing a hand over his weathered cheek. "James, they wouldn't be where they are now if it wasn't for you. You were there when it mattered. You were the one they ran to, the one they looked up to."

He blinks, his eyes softening as he looks at me. "You really think I did okay?

I smile and nod. "More than okay. You gave them the love and the strength they needed. You showed them what it means to work hard and care."

He leans into my touch, closing his eyes for a moment. "I just keep thinking about those days… when they'd sneak into our bed at night and snuggle up, and everything felt… complete. It was simple, y'know?”

“Life was simple," I agree, a little wistful myself. "But it's because of those days that they have the lives they do now. They grew up safe, happy, and loved. And you're a big reason why."

His fingers interlace with mine again, holding on a little tighter. "It just feels like it went by in a flash.”

"Time's funny that way," I murmur. "But look at them now. Our girls are thriving, and our boy is doin’ so well. They're good people, James. You should be proud."

He looks at me then. "I am. But it still hurts, y'know? Letting go. Knowing they don't need me like they used to."

"They're going to always need you," I say firmly, stroking his hand with mine. "Maybe not the same way, but you're always going to be their dad. That never changes."

He seems to let go of some of the sadness now. "You're right. It's just so hard. I want to go back. For even one day. To hear them laugh, to feel their small hands...”

I lean over, resting my head against his shoulder. "They'll come visit soon, and until then, we make the most of the time we have together. You and me."

James wraps an arm around me, pulling me close. "Thank you. For everything… for our beautiful children."

I close my eyes, feeling the warmth of his hug. "Always, James. You’re a great father, and the kids know that. That's what matters.”

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Gladiator II - Thoughts (SPOILERS)

I was fortunate enough to watch Gladiator II at the Royal Global premiere at Leicester Square last night (Wednesday 13th November) and I NEED to share some thoughts but there are definitely some spoilers, so…

I cannot stress this enough:

THERE ❗️ ARE ❗️ SPOILERS ❗️ BELOW ❗️ THE ❗️ CUT ❗️

Once again

⚠️ DO NOT CLICK THE READ MORE IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS FOR GLADIATOR II ⚠️

There’s probably things I’m missing/forgetting right off the top of my head, and I might be paraphrasing/summarising some dialogue. I definitely need to rewatch it when I’m NOT super close to an IMAX cinema screen because I spent the whole movie with my neck craned backwards and my eyes darting everywhere because I was trying to take it all in.

Anyway, without further ado:

The opening credits were very beautiful, it recounted the plot of the original film but kind of like in the style of the opening credits of Pillars of the Earth? I don’t know if that makes sense 😭

If I remember correctly, Joseph is billed third behind Paul and Pedro, and Fred is billed fourth 🥹♥️

The film opens with a huge battle where the Roman army, led by Marcus Acacius, conquering the last free city of Africa (I think?), which is what Lucius and his wife are trying to defend

I cannot for the life of me remember what Lucius’ wife was called but she seemed nice, we only had her for a few minutes though before she got killed 😭

Okay so I’m going to start right off the bat by talking about the Emperors as they were the ones I was most looking forward to seeing, and I want to give them their own section!

We NEED to talk about Fred as Caracalla - this isn’t even me being biased, I’m being as unbiased as I can when I say that he was AMAZING

By the way, for months I’ve seen people talk shit about Fred, complaining about how they wish it was Barry Keoghan, whinging because “we could have had Joe and Barry” - to those people I say, shut the fuck up ☺️ I will NOT tolerate any hate for my boy Fred!

Fred actually had a much meatier part than Joe which was pleasantly surprising. I’m not saying Joe wasn’t unhinged or good, but he was way more sane than Fred’s character and you got the feeling that he was trying to hold their rule together and keep his brother from bringing down the whole empire

Caracalla surprised me because he was so much more softly spoken than I anticipated; in so many scenes he was childlike and almost pitiful to watch. For example, there were times where you could see him pouting or fidgeting like a bored toddler, at one point he essentially threw a tantrum and Geta had to hold him back from killing Acacius and Lucilla (and then in the background you could see him playfully swing the sword about like a child would with a toy) He would grin and get excited like a child whenever there was fighting or bloodshed, bouncing in his seat, he looked surprised and excited in the beginning when Geta handed him wine etc.

In the last coliseum fight scene, this was literally Caracalla getting excited when the fighting started - a literal child 😭

Honestly it was just fascinating to watch Caracalla because you could never tell if he was going to be childlike and almost-innocent or if he was going to start screaming and get violent

So apparently the reason that Caracalla is unhinged is because (to quote Geta) “the disease from his loins has spread to his head” (to paraphrase) which makes me think he’s got syphilis or something.

Also both of the emperors are briefly seen with concubines (as in the trailer), and Caracalla has both male and female ones hanging around him 😭 we love a bisexual Emperor!

Caracalla seems to have memory problems (probably as a result of his STI) because he doesn’t remember seeing Lucius fighting in front of them from just a couple of days ago at their party (the scene with the concubines) and Geta tries to remind him, “it’s the poet” but Caracalla just sits down and says he doesn’t remember

There’s a scene where Marcus and Lucilla are brought to the emperors in the middle of the night after being caught in a conspiracy to overthrow them, and you’ve got Geta in that red robe from the trailer whilst Caracalla is basically just wearing a fucking bedsheet toga style 😭 you know that shot in White Lotus where Fred/Quinn has a duvet around himself? Kind of like that

Contrary to that Letterboxd review calling the twins “BJ brothers”, there is NO incest in this film, and no hint of incest between the twins. I know a screenshot is circulating of Joe in the red robe where you could see what looked like the top/side of Fred’s head as if he’s on his knees, but they were absolutely NOT doing that 💀 the scene shows them both entering the room (Geta in his robe, hastily put on) and Fred in his bedsheet toga thing. I definitely didn’t get the vibe of incest at all, I got the vibe of “it’s the middle of the night and they’ve both been woken up because these two traitors (Marcus and Lucilla) were caught plotting against them”

I love that Caracalla’s weakness is Dondas (or Dundas? Different magazines are using different names so I’m so confused), his pet monkey (WE FUCKING LOVE CHERRY AND SO DOES FRED 😭♥️) Like he’s got Dondas/Dundas wearing a fucking dress and on a little chain lead, eating sweets from a bowl, and I have to applaud Fred for being able to act with a straight face while he had the monkey crawling over his shoulders, touching his hair, and at one point when the monkey moved the chain lead literally went right around/over his face

While there’s riots going on outside the palace, Caracalla is freaking out and has Dondas/Dundas the monkey on his shoulder, and Geta straight up threw wine at both of them before saying that maybe Dondas (or Dundas, whatever the fucking name is) go and calm down in another room ��

There’s a scene where Macrinus finds Caracalla hiding under a table with the monkey and it made me think they were almost playing hide and seek 😭 truthfully I think he was just under there crying and hiding

It’s the fact that Macrinus was able to manipulate Caracalla into killing Geta by using his love of Dondas/Dundas against him; the people of Rome protest against their emperors, and Macrinus basically tells Caracalla that Geta is going to throw him to the plebs outside to be killed - and Dondas/Dundas. “Think about what they might do to Dondas” (or Dundas) - and that’s what pushes him over the edge.

NOT CARACALLA AND MACRINUS SAWING GETA’S FUCKING HEAD OFF LIKE THAT 😭 IT WAS STRAIGHT UP LIKE A HORROR FILM WITH MACRINUS COMING UP BEHIND CARACALLA AND HELPING?!?

Also Caracalla made the monkey a fucking consul of state (I think) after he killed Geta?!?! 😭 Absolutely fucking UNHINGED I TELL YOU

“ALL HAIL DONDAS! 😃” (or Dundas - again, someone please tell me the fucking monkey’s confirmed name)

They showed Geta’s head for WAY too long 😭 and Macrinus just showing it around like that?!? NASTY

Reeling over the fact they airbrushed out Geta’s head for the trailer because in this shot in the film Geta’s head is clearly visible on the table behind Denzel 💀

Sorry but Fred looked damn fine in that purple outfit near the end 😋

I feel like Caracalla had a little bit of a soft spot for Lucilla but the two sides of his personality were warring with each other: the sadistic bloodthirsty side wanted to murder both her and Marcus right away, but then near the end he whispers to Macrinus “must we kill Lucilla?” and he sounded a little hesitant or unsure which was interesting

Seeing Fred as Caracalla without Geta in that last coliseum battle scene? I can’t help but love him, Fred is seriously too good in this role. The shouting, the childlike excitement when the fighting started (see gif above)

Fred was definitely playing up the childlike side of Caracalla in his last scene when the people started revolting, he was literally curling up in his seat, snivelling and crying like a baby until Macrinus killed him from behind (he put something in his ear, i think he stuck a pin in his ear to impale his brain?) Truly pitiful end for Caracalla.

Once again: Fred Hechinger for Best Supporting Actor at the 97th Academy Awards campaign!! 😊↕️

Okay so now I’ve talked about the Emperors, I can talk about the rest of the film:

Ridley Scott truly said fuck historical accuracy in this film 😭 which is not surprising to be fair if you know him and his movies

This film was, expectedly, VERY bloody and violent from start to finish

NOT LUCIUS TAKING A BITE OUT OF THE BABOON 🤯

At one point where they’re bringing the slaves into Rome, they show statues of a wolf feeding two human children from her teat and Lucius recounts the story - this is obviously a reference to Romulus and Remus, twins raised by a wolf mother. This is actually really fitting because from earth on, Ridley AND Fred and Joe have mentioned the idea of the twins being based on this Romulus/Remus story?

DAMN, Paul Mescal was super beefy in this film like holy fucking shit dude

Honestly I adore Pedro but his role was way smaller than I thought it would be. His role is essentially to be Lucilla’s decent and loyal husband who also happened to lead the invasion that killed Lucius’ wife in the beginning of the film, something he did not want to do, hence why Lucius wants to kill him so badly (family drama, eh? 😭) and who is part of a plot to dethrone the twins

MATT LUCAS AS THE MASTER OF CEREMONIES?!? 😭 I won’t lie, at first it distracted me because I was like “why the fuck is Matt Lucas here” but he got a few laughs out of the cinema screening so his tiny parts added a little bit of humour to the film when it got tense

As I said above, there’s no incest shown - there is a MENTION, however, of a rumour that Lucius’ real father wasn’t Lucius Verus(?) but rather Commodus (obviously Lucilla’s brother/Lucius’ uncle from the first film). However, it’s not true because they make it very clear that Lucius’ father is Maximus. They do however briefly mention that Lucilla was a child bride at the age of 14 which is a bit fucked up

I was probably the only person in my screening who noticed this but at one point I saw graffiti on one of the walls on the outside/entrance to the coliseum that said something like “Irrumbo Imperators” - according to Google, that translates as “I attack the emperors”. However, it could have also been “Irrumabo Imperatores”, and if you ask Google to give you the Latin word for “fuck”? It’s “Irrumabo”. So essentially there was graffiti in the film that either said “attack the emperors” or “fuck the emperors” 💀

I thought that maybe Lucius had somehow forgotten that Lucilla was his mother despite being 12 when she sent him away but nope, he’s fully aware of who he actually is and who his mother is, he’s just angry at her for sending him away and never seeing him again 😭

NOT THAT SERVANT TATTLING ON LUCILLA AND MARCUS?!? 😤

They killed Marcus off WAY earlier than I thought they would by the way. The trailers give the impression that the final battle is Lucius vs Marcus but it’s actually Lucius vs Macrinus which is WILD to me

You know that scene in LOTR where the orcs shoot Boromir full of arrows? That is basically what happened in this film to General Acacius but with about 20 more arrows 💀 I had major Boromir flashbacks watching this scene

I’m glad that Lucilla and Lucius got to reconcile before the ending, given what ended up happening

“Because Emperor Caracalla is generous, he will allow Lucilla to have one Gladiator to fight to defend her” - ONE. ONE AGAINST ABOUT 30 TRAINED GUARDS 💀

I’m still reeling over the fact Derek Jacobi spoiled his own character’s death on the red carpet a mere hour before the film screening in front of THOUSANDS of people 😭 that man did NOT give a fuck quite frankly and I think that’s kind of hilarious of him

THE GASP THAT EVERYONE IN THE SCREENING COLLECTIVELY LET OUT WHEN MACRINUS KILLED LUCILLA BY SHOOTING HER IN THE CHEST?!? HE KILLED CARACALLA AND LUCILLA IN 60 SECONDS FLAT 😭

That said, this shot from the behind the scenes featurette about Ridley Scott is ten times funnier to me after watching the film and realising that not only is Ridley showing Denzel how to shoot the arrow that kills Lucilla, but Fred is also supposed to be dead in the chair at this point since Macrinus takes the bow and fires the arrow straight after killing Caracalla 😭

Poor Lucius has now seen his father, his mother, his uncle and his wife all die right in front of him, the man CANNOT catch a break 😫

That final battle between Lucius and Macrinus was GRUESOME 😳 Lucius cut off his hand and slashed him - I’m not sure if he actually cut him in half or if Macrinus just crumpled in the river in a heap but DAMN

This film used footage from the first Gladiator film so they gave the actor who played Lucius in the first film a credit which was nice!

That said, I know obviously it’s been 24 years since the original film so of course the child actor from the original is no longer 12 and so could not be in the flashback scenes showing young Lucius, but damn the difference was a little jarring to be honest, especially when it went from footage of the original film to new footage with the new child actor

Ridley Scott spoiled the ending of this fucking movie by saying he wanted to have Paul back to play Lucius again as the main character in Gladiator III 💀 so yeah, I already knew Lucius was surviving this film

Some final summary thoughts:

Let’s be honest, it would be impossible to top the first Gladiator and so while I loved Gladiator II and think it was amazing, it was obviously never going to quite reach the same level as the original

I know I just made the comment about nominating Fred for Best Supporting Actor but I have to be honest, I truly think Denzel deserves the nomination - if there’s only one actor from this film who gets that nomination, it has to be Denzel because he was by far the standout of the whole film. If I had to rank it personally I’d say Denzel and then Fred is a close second, then maybe Joseph and Pedro?

^ This isn’t me saying Joe and Pedro were bad at all, they were all really amazing, but this film just had so many characters and quite frankly Fred, Joe and Pedro had WAY less screentime than Denzel so they didn’t have nearly as much to work with as he did.

Again; I’m biased because I went in the most excited to see the Emperors, but I wish we’d had more of Caracalla and Geta. Fred and Joe did their best to work with what they were given, but they didn’t have that much and pretty much all of their scenes were shown in trailers or TV spots etc.

GIVE CHERRY THE MONKEY A FUCKING OSCAR

I obviously wasn’t expecting Paul Mescal to fight real baboons, rhinos and sharks but the CGI was… not great. It was quite obvious that it was CGI for the baboons and sharks, I think the rhino was slightly better though (Fred mentioned in an interview his first day involved “the mechanical rhino” so it was somewhat partly practical as well I suppose)

The pacing of this film was a little all over the place, if I’m being honest. I want to rewatch soon, from further back in the screen because, as I said, I was craning my head back the whole time and it ended up giving me a neck and headache so that probably added to me being uncomfortable (plus I’d had a long day and was thoroughly burned out by the time the screening started), but there were times where I was like “oh… we’re back here then 😐”

^ What I’m trying to say is that some of the storylines happened so fast and had very little build up (eg. The emperors in general) whilst other plots were so slow burn in comparison.

The music was so good! I know people are going to compare it unfavourable to Hans Zimmer’s original score from the first film, but I LOVE Harry Gregson-Williams (he did the soundtrack for the first two Narnia films so I’m biased 😅) and I thought he did a great job with the score here. The fact he had Hans Zimmer’s approval and praise made me confident the score would be great anyway

I feel like people are obviously going to compare Paul Mescal to Russell Crowe which… let’s be honest, has gotta suck for him because how the fuck do you live up to Russell Crowe?!? Some people have already said that they didn’t like Paul in this film, which… okay, fair enough. I honestly don’t think comparing him to Russell Crowe does him any favours. I enjoyed watching him personally, and I think given that this whole film rests on him, he did great. Not quite Russell Crowe but I have no complaints about his performance personally.

People are also going to compare Joe and Fred to Joaquin Phoenix’s Commodus, and I think they both did a great job given that they didn’t actually have nearly as much screen-time as Joaquin did in the original film. It’s almost unfair to compare them because in the first Gladiator, Commodus was the main antagonist - in this film, Macrinus is the main antagonist overall whilst the Emperors are more secondary antagonists that serve as obstacles for Macrinus’ rise to power. But they both did great with what they had.

Overall, my opinion of the film?

This film NEEDS to be seen on a big screen at the cinema! Go and watch it!

[pink-bandana-writes]

Stress Relief

Leonardo x Reader

Prompt: Would you mind doing a little one-shot of Leo helping his girlfriend meditate to help with her anxiety and worries?

Notes: Absolutely, bestie! Thank you for the kind words in your request <3 As someone with anxiety, this one hit different. I think I needed to write it, actually.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety

Word Count: 0.6k

Reader is: Gender-Neutral

You sat in the lair, fiddling with the fidget toy you’d brought down with you, biting your lip. You’d been having a lot of…loud thoughts lately. Worries that just wouldn’t leave you alone. Your therapist had said once that anxiety was the brain’s protection mechanism, that sometimes, it kept you safe, but other times…

It was too much right now. You just needed your brain to be quiet for a second.

“Hey, are you alright?” Leo asked, waving a hand in front of your face.

You looked up at him, staring at him for a long moment before nodding. “Yeah, uh…just got a lot on my mind, I guess.”

“Oh. Um, is there anything I can do to help?”

“Maybe, actually. Um…Leo, you meditate, right?”

“I do.” He nodded, smiling softly as he took the seat beside you. “It helps me focus, calm down my brain when it feels like its racing a mile a minute.”

“That sounds…helpful.” You said quietly, meeting his calm blue eyes.

“It is. We could try it together if you want. If you think it would help, that is.” He offered, taking your hand in his.

“I think that would help, yeah.” You nodded.

Leo led you into the dojo and grabbed a few meditation cushions, setting one out for either of you. He grabbed your favorite blanket and draped it around your shoulders, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“So, I usually listen to some soft music, but I could put on some white noise or brown noise or rain sounds…” Leo listed.

“Brown noise might be nice.”

“Good. And do you want me to light a candle?”

“Sure, what do you have?”

“I think the more accurate question is what don’t I have?” Leo raised an eyebrow, pulling his basket full of candles over to you.

You chuckled softly, looking through the options. “Bath and Body Works, huh?”

“They’ve got good scents.” He shrugged and held up one called stress relief, that smelled like mint and eucalyptus. “This one’s my favorite.”

“It smells really good.” You agreed, inhaling it. “I think that one would be good.”

“Great.” Leo set the candle between you on the floor and lit it before handing you a pair of headphones. “So, try to clear your mind. If you can’t do that, just take deep breaths and count slowly. If your mind starts to wander, don’t resist, just gently remind yourself of the task at hand. Those thoughts will still be there when you’re ready for them.”

“Okay.” You nodded, listening carefully to everything he told you.

“How long do you want to try?”

“Maybe like thirty minutes?”

“Awesome. I’ll put a timer on the sound.” Leo told you, setting things up on his phone and then motioning for you to put your headphones on.

You slipped them on and listened to the soothing, ambient noise. It was like magic, almost. Your brain felt so…quiet. You took deep breaths, as Leo had instructed, and let the tension out of your body, relaxing your shoulders.

When the brown noise finally faded out, you opened your eyes and looked at Leo, feeling a lot better than you had been only thirty minutes before.

“How are you feeling?” Leo asked, blowing out the candle.

“I feel really good, Leo. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He smiled, motioning you over. You crawled across the dojo floor and into his lap. Leo cradled you in his big, strong arms, leaning his cheek against your forehead. “You know, if you need to talk about anything, I’m always here. I don’t want you to have to carry everything on your own.”

“Thank you.” You kissed his cheek. “I really lucked out with you.”

He chuckled. “Really. Because here I was thinking I won the absolute lottery with you.”

You nudged him. “You’re a flirt.”

You could feel him smirk against you as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Well, is it working?”

“A little.”

Taglist: @thelaundrybitch, @turtle-babe83, @dilucsflame33, @happymoonangel

[abarbaricyalp]

Things To Crawl Home To

I have been trying to post this on AO3 since last night and keep getting errors, so tumblr is getting it first. I have been working on this since literally as soon as I walked out of the movie theater after seeing black widow. I actually thought I wouldn't finish it/post it. It's not as polished and deep as I wanted it (waited too long to really get into it) But every single thing I see about Thunderbolts makes me want to pick up my toys and go home so I figured I should post it before that movie ruins these characters I love and lets writers who don't care about them turn them into comedic caricatures. Lerato is the Widow who is always with Taskmaster. She's the one who tells her to smile in the first scene and who helps her in the last. Literally do not pay attention to the timeline. Roughly set in 2023/24 but genuinely do not think about it

Antonia barely registered Lerato rubbing her forearm. Her eyes were focused on the heavy door in front of her. She got the basic idea of it. Safety. Privacy. All of that stuff she hadn’t quite gotten the hang of since 2016. Not really. But for the fact that she’d be shutting that door behind herself, trapping herself inside with the man beyond it, she was even less fond of how thick and soundproof it was.

“It’s going to be fine,” Lerato said, bringing her hands up to either side of Antonia’s face. As always, she didn’t hesitate to press her palms to the scars. As always, Antonia was shocked. She tilted the smooth side of her face into Lerato’s hand and closed her eyes.

“I know. I’ve read his files. He is...reformed.”

“Just like you,” Lerato said, not for the first time. But Antonia wasn’t sure. She’d seen what they’d done to him. She’d seen him in action. It was different. It wasn’t just a gas and some sparkles that had cured him. He had trigger words. How the hell did someone take that out of a person’s brain?

“He wanted to see you,” Lerato reminded her. “He wants to help.”

“Or he wants to trap me somewhere.”

Lerato smiled wryly. “Then I’ll kick his ass. But I think he’s even more tired than you are. He’s not looking for a fight. Besides,” she smoothed her thumb over the cheekbone with the scars fondly, “Captain America’s in there with him right now. He can’t be that bad of a guy.”

“He is the Winter Soldier.”

“And you’re the Taskmaster. You’re both badasses. It’ll be okay.”

And Antonia knew that, and really did believe it. It was just easy to get swept up in anxieties and what-ifs now that she had the time and freedom to do so. As the Taskmaster, there was no time for hesitation or thought. Every movement was programmed into her. She’d never experience the curdling curl of anxiety in her gut before Romanoff deprogrammed everyone. She’d thought she’d been dying the first time it had happened. It had happened so often since, though, that she was very familiar with its fiery pain.

Lerato reached for the door and pulled it open before Antonia could find another argument to stall her hand. If they were different women, perhaps she could have curled her arms around Lerato’s waist, backed her up against the sturdy but plain walls, kissed her until they were both breathless and laughing, until the thought of the point of this evening was forgotten in lieu of getting back to their own apartment as quickly as possible. But they were not those kind of women, hadn’t been afforded that life and didn’t take it now that they had the opportunity. Though, the longer they spent in the real world and the more Antonia got to kiss and love Lerato in private, the more she thought she absolutely could become that woman.

She tore her eyes away from the soft spot behind Lerato’s ear, where she’d shiver like a north wind had blown through their room if Antonia kissed it, and through the yawning maw of the door. The apartment on the other side was comfortable, if sparse. A safe house, not a home. The Winter Soldier fidgeted behind the cream couch in the middle of the room and a handsome black man stood in front of him, holding a hand to his metal shoulder, thumb moving over where Antonia knew the prosthetic began.

Funny, she thought, of all the things she and the Soldier had in common, she hadn’t imagined being grounded by touch on scars would’ve been one of them.

The handsome black man--the Falcon, Captain America, Sam Wilson--looked over at her and Lerato and smiled genuinely. Antonia wondered where he found the energy to be so earnest all the time. She had watched film of him, but he was impossible to copy without wings of her own and the Red Room had never figured out how to replicate them. Flight was so engrained in him that he was entirely his own brand of hero, one even the Taskmaster couldn’t imitate.

“Behave,” Sam Wilson said and pressed the flat of his hand to the Soldier’s cheek in what could’ve been a sort of genial, male way if it hadn’t been so gentle. “Make friends.”

“You make friends,” the Soldier snapped back.

It was such a childish remark, it caught Antonia off guard. And Lerato too apparently, because she burst out in snickers. She’d almost contained them after a few seconds, but then the Soldier shot a grin over at her and she started all over again.

Logically, Antonia knew much had changed for the Soldier since his days with the Red Room. She still had not expected this. He was charming.

On film, the Soldier was horrifying. Efficient and cold and uncaring. Calculating and mechanical. She had watched days, weeks, months of film of the Soldier. He was the ideal killing machine. So much of the Taskmaster seemed to be built out of the Winter Soldier and the time the Red Room had had access to him.

Then he’d broken his conditioning. The Soldier had a physical form of conditioning, she knew that. Like the Red Room of days past. Cognitive rehabilitation. Electroshocks. A literal rewiring of the hardware. Then he’d gone off the grid in 2014. No new videos to watch until the UN and the ensuing chaos in 2016. She’d known from the first video in the news that the man responsible for the UN bombing was not the Winter Soldier. Everything about the deep fake was wrong.

The Soldier did not appear in many films afterwards. A few recordings from the airport in Germany and that was it before Natasha Romanoff and Yelena Belenova destroyed the Red Room and the Widows’ programming. Her own programming.

She’d seen videos of him in the past few months. Still powerful, still calculating. But with so much more heart. He pulled his punches now. Took hits he didn’t need to to spare an unnecessary death count. It didn’t really make him any less efficient and she wasn’t sure anyone else would notice. 

She supposed that heart and compassion, hidden as it was, should’ve been a clue towards the man standing before her in ridiculous combat boots, jeans, and a henley that looked to be about two sizes too small. She didn’t know why she expected him to be dressed for a fight. She hadn’t even come dressed for a fight.

(Well, there were a few holsters here and there, but she suspected the Soldier had his fair share of concealed weapons on him too)

His hair was still cut. She’d seen it in the videos that had surfaced after he and Captain America had dealt with the Flagsmashers, but it was jarring to see it in real life. He looked human again. Touchable, even if she knew better. She wondered if any of the severity had been removed from her own body. If someone saw her on the street and wouldn’t flinch away.

Lerato and Sam Wilson walked out of the room at the same time, Wilson pausing to let Lerato go first. His last look towards Barnes kept him from noticing the one Lerato and Antonia shared. The door closed behind them with a gentle click. The kind that came from a door designed to close softly being guided still by a hand that knew it. Barnes didn’t like loud noises.

The openness and boyish charm he’d just had with Sam Wilson in the room cooled off significantly as soon as the other man wasn’t around. Atonia felt her shoulders shrug in closer to her ears, arms pinching into her ribs.

“You know,” she eventually offered when Barnes had a few non-starters. “I thought you might’ve left a real calling card, being so old fashioned. A text seemed so modern.”

Finally, the anxious blanket he’d been pulling over his head fell away. He couldn’t fight down a grin and he looked up at her through his lashes, as boyish as ever. Antonia wondered if the Winter Soldier had ever been able to utilize this side of Barnes. Certainly never on camera, but other times, perhaps.

“Text messaging is so much faster than carrier pigeon,” he explained. “And I’ve grappled with enough Widows to know that I probably shouldn’t try to leave a card on their kitchen table.”

Antonia nodded, felt a warring of emotion in her chest at the thought of Natasha Romanoff. She knew Barnes knew Yelena as well, but she knew there was far more history between Barnes and Natasha. If he mentioned a Widow, he was likely talking about Natasha. “Why did you ask to meet me?” she asked.

“Because I’ve been where you are.” He seemed to gear up for a long monologue but then blanched suddenly. “Do you want to sit? Can I get you a drink? Sam made sure we have about every beverage you could ask for in the fridge.”

Antonia sat in a wingback reading chair nearest where she was standing. “I’m okay, thank you. Maybe later, if this takes long.”

Barnes’ mouth twisted in a fun, if deprecating, smirk. “I didn’t use to be long winded. Now, I can’t make any promises.”

Antonia was still learning to give herself space to use words. Measuring out each sentence. Filling in gaps. Taking up time.

This thought was not written on her face because her thoughts never were but Barnes must have recognized something in her hesitation to respond because he said, “Do you still feel like you’re wearing the mask sometimes?”

“Did you?” she asked without answering.

“I still do,” Barnes said simply. “But it’s never been real. Not one time since I got out.”

Antonia took a long breath and then nodded. “I know. That doesn’t make it any easier to ignore.”

Barnes sat down on the couch, though he was leaning so far forward he was practically halfway across the room. “I asked you to come here because I thought maybe talking about some of that might help. HYDRA and the Red Room evidently stole from each other all the time because we were eerily similar.”

“You worked with the Red Room,” Antonia pointed out.

Barnes inclined his head and let out a steady breath. “I did. I was a test for the Widows. One of the last ones.”

“You killed some.”

“Another thing we have in common.”

Antonia let the fact sting her straight through to the soul and back out the other side of her ribs. But she kept herself still. “And you’re an asshole.”

“Something we don’t have in common,” Barnes conceded. “What was the first thing you chose for yourself?”

Antonia thought about the chaos that proceeded Natasha’s destruction of the Red Room. Natasha had disappeared in the smoke, but Yelena had stayed, ushered everyone onto a jet and taken them to a safe house. She remembered the way the Widows had looked at her, cramped together in a confused mass. That first night, she’d still felt like an escaped animal. Lerato was the only person to come near her. Antonia had waited behind everyone else, hadn’t asked for extra or even minimum when supplies were being rationed out.

“I put on pajamas,” she said. “Soft shorts and a long-sleeve thermal top. I had never worn anything like that before. And I chose to stay in the same room as Lerato. We made a nest of blankets on the floor even though there were beds.”

“And how’s it felt to keep making decisions?”

“Overwhelming. I sometimes forget to. I expect people to make them for me until I remember that I do that now.” Just the other day, she had gone to make lunch and found the fridge nearly bare. Grocery shopping was proving particularly difficult to get the hang of.

Barnes nodded his understanding. “When I got out, I was immediately on my own. I didn’t know what to do or how best to do it. I wasted a lot of time trying to strategize as soon as I was safe enough to.”

“How did you get over it?” Because at this point, Antonia wasn’t sure she could ever relax the muscles coiled in her whole body.

“I got comfortable,” Barnes answered with a shrug. “I know that feels impossible. Hell, I thought it was too. But one day I realized the coffeeshop knew my order and the fish market remembered my name. Well, my alias, anyway. I closed my eyes in the shower. It just…became easier.”

“It just happened?” Antonia asked with a frown. That didn’t seem right. Everything else had been such a fight. But…she had fallen asleep with her head on Lerato’s shoulder while they watched TV a few nights ago and the sound of the elevator dinging didn’t make her jump anymore and she almost trusted herself enough to open the door for packages.

“You have to let it happen, but, yes,” Barnes agreed.

Antonia still did not fully believe it. It was one thing to be safe and comfortable around Lerato. It was another thing to feel it out in the world. She sat back in the seat, tried to make herself relax. Barnes was relaxed. She’d seen the way he tended to sprawl across whatever seat he was sat on. He always seemed to be in such easy control. The Taskmaster had been like that too. Not that the Taskmaster was ever allowed to sit, but the easy control part was familiar. Maybe it was the boots. She should do like Barnes and start wearing combat boots again.

“When did you decide to get back into the fight?” she asked. “How did you get comfortable with that?” Yelena was working again. Other heroes had filled in the blank spots left by the ‘originals.’ Other villains had appeared too. Antonia was…capable. She should be doing what she could to help. But the thought made her want to be sick every time it even flitted a little close to her mind.

Barnes’ mouth twisted a little. “I don’t think I really am that comfortable with it still. But I trust myself. There were a lot of people who helped me get there again.”

“The trigger words,” she interrupted and then flinched in expectation of the outburst from him.

But Barnes didn’t explode. He just nodded a little. “Yes. I suppose you have probably heard about the Sokovia Accords and the fight that followed. That was the first time I fought again, the first time I had to use…the more violent of my skills. Afterwards, when it was over and we were safe–on the run, but safe–I asked someone a lot smarter than me to undo my conditioning.”

“How?” Antonia pressed. “How did it happen? How were you sure?”

“I wasn’t,” Barnes admitted. “It was a long process. It involved me going back on the ice, a stasis. She was able to isolate neural pathways or something. Reroute them. Break connections. We went through round after round of that. Lots of monitoring. Lots of training. And one night, a friend took me far from everyone else and said all the trigger words and…nothing happened.”

Antonia looked down to her hands. She was still getting used to seeing her body instead of gloves and sleeves and weapons. She counted scars when she needed to think or when her thoughts were getting too far ahead of her. Today, even that distraction was failing her. She couldn’t keep her numbers straight.

“I’m worried the machine is still out there,” she admitted quietly. The port in the back of her head had been carefully removed, so even if the machine was found or recreated, no one could ever plug her back in, like she was some robot. But the anxiety persisted. She woke up in a cold sweat more nights than not with the phantom sensation of orders flooding into her body. “I don't ever want to do what someone else tells me to again.”

“I know,” Barnes agreed. “I can’t promise you that you won’t have to. I don’t know what your future holds. But I know if you keep yourself surrounded by people who care about you, as scary as that is, you’re going to be a lot safer than if you isolate yourself.”

Antonia considered that. This was something she supposed she knew and had partially accepted. There were not many people in her corner. Lerato primarily. But Yelena was around. A friend-not-friend of Yelena’s as well. Occasionally some of the other Widows appeared, seeking shelter or company. She would not consider them confidants, but perhaps one day.

“Hey, you and your friend are just kids,” Barnes added. “You don’t have to start the fight again if you don’t want to.”

Antonia grimaced. “There are those who are younger. I was younger and Lerato even younger than me.” And they needed help. Others had tried to step in, to find all the operatives out in the world, but it was slow going and Antonia wasn’t sure who was still working on it. Lerato wanted to. Antonia knew she did, which fueled her as much as it terrified her.

“Do you worry you rely too much on him? On Captain America?” she asked quietly. She wasn’t demure; that kind of trait hadn’t come with her freedom and anxiety. She didn’t look up at him from under her lashes. But her glances were quick and shallow. Like he might see too much if she kept her eyes on him.

Barnes let out some kind of huff. She heard him sit back in the couch. “All the time,” he admitted. “I tried to stay away once, after the Battle of Earth and all of that. It didn’t work out well for us.”

“Yes, I can tell,” she agreed and let him scoff out a laugh.

“Sam and I are partners,” he said. “All the way through. Partners need to be able to lean on each other. If he can’t trust me to ask him for help, that’s a core foundation block that’s going to send the rest of our relationship tumbling down. Imagine if I didn’t tell him I’d been hurt in a fight and just passed out before I could get to a rendezvous or I wasn’t there to have his back. It’s no different for…emotional things.”

Even with his very eloquent words, it sounded like he was having to wrench each thought out of his chest. So Antonia was pretty sure this was something he still struggled with. And if he, who was so put-back-together and had such a strong partner, could struggle with it, what hope was there for her?

“Your friend…Lerato, right?” Barnes offered. “I’m sure she wants to be there for you. And I’m sure you’re there for her too. You both need both sides of that relationship. I promise you, you need both sides.”

“And the nightmares?” she asked. For a brief moment, her throat almost closed fully, but there was a sudden rush of heat through her body that had her voice keeping steady, getting a little louder. These moments had been happening more and more recently. Lerato said it was called a personality, which always made Antonia roll her eyes. But it was kind of a nice thought.

Barnes sighed. “I can’t tell you anything about those. If you figure it out, you’ll have to track me down and let me know.”

Antonia mimicked his sigh and, judging by the way his eyes narrowed a little in amusement, he caught on that she’d done so on purpose. She sat back in the chair, keeping her shoulders back, jaw tilted a little. The amusement on Barnes’ face lit up further. “Do you follow orders?”

He shrugged. “Depends on who’s giving them and why.”

“And you’re comfortable enough to trust yourself making those decisions?”

“Well, usually it’s Sam telling me what to do, so that’s not so bad. And when other people do it…yeah, I’m pretty comfortable making decisions for myself.”

Antonia considered this. “And you have your own life the rest of the time?”

“I do,” he agreed. “Which helps me with the other shit. Something to hold onto.”

The thought was tantalizing. Antonia wasn’t foolish. There was no room in her life to be. She knew eventually someone would hand her that damn mask again and point her to a fight. But Barnes was right. There was more freedom here. She could dig her heels in now. She could turn around and walk the other way. No one was programming her anymore.

She stood, all on her own volition, and offered her hand out to Barnes. If he was surprised, he hid it well. He stood as well and shook her hand.

“Listen, I’m always around, okay? I’m no therapist and I’m definitely not Sam, but I know I wish I’d had someone who went through the shit I did, alright? Maybe I’ll have an answer or commiseration.”

Antonia nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind. This was…helpful.”

Barnes snorted and waved his hand in a sort of ‘lay it on me’ kind of way. But Antonia had nothing else to add. “Hey, I’m also around for sparring, yeah?” he added. “Actually, I’m asking you to stop by the gym sometime. I’d love to actually fight someone who can keep up.”

Antonia’s eyebrows rose. “I don’t think you can keep up with me, old man,” she said. Another surprised laugh erupted from Barnes. She continued over him with her own slow-spreading grin. “No, you’re the old model. You wouldn’t believe what I could do.”

It kept Barnes laughing as he passed her to pull open the door. “Listen, I’ve heard that a thousand times, alright? There’s nothing like the original make. KO in two minutes tops.”

“Yes,” Atonia agreed. “And I will call Captain America to come wake you up afterwards.”

Wilson, across the room, did a commendable job of not looking like he was watching them or listening in. But Lerato also hadn’t looked away from what was, evidently, a very intense game of ping pong. On habit, she cataloged Wilson’s movements, the swings he preferred and his reaction times, the places his eyes darted first. She thought about telling Lerato where to place the ball to get a point, but they weren’t close enough to do so without getting caught and not getting caught was most of the fun.

“Thank you,” she said again to Barnes. “I will call. But not for therapy. You are just like the internet to me.”

Barnes chuckled and nodded. “Fair enough.”

“He’s right about as often as people on the internet are too,” Wilson called, breaking the flimsy illusion that he wasn’t listening in. Somehow, this did not interrupt the ping pong game.

“He is weak low on the dominant side,” Antonia told Lerato.

Lerato unleashed a particularly vicious spin on the ball that had it bouncing just on the other side of the net and spinning away from the table. It hit the wall hard enough to clatter back onto the game table, but Wilson had already straightened himself up with a huff of disappointment.

“I knew that,” Lerato answered, straightening herself so she could turn and grin at Antonia. “But it was good practice.”

Barnes barked out another laugh and leaned against an ornate table that seemed to have no use other than to hold him up. “You two better leave before we start another cold war. Trust me, you don’t want to be on the other side of Sam’s side-eye.”

Wilson glared at him, indeed from the side of his eye. “I do not have a side-eye.”

Barnes just raised an eyebrow at him as Antonia and Lerato let themselves out from the long hallway.

“How did it go?” Lerato asked when the soundproof doors were shut behind them. Antonia had already scanned for electronic devices, though she now felt she knew Barnes enough to know he wouldn’t keep any near him either.

“It was not bad,” Antonia admitted. She would not say the worrying had been for naught. She’d gone in cautious and she thought that helped them establish a baseline with each other.

“He didn’t turn into a giant monster and try to eat you?” Lerato teased.

“Would you have preferred that?”

“It would have made the afternoon interesting.”

As Antonia swept Lerato to the side, holding her close as they fell against a bare wall, Lerato laughed joyously and clung onto her. Even if there was a moment she almost tried to trip Antonia up.

“You would sacrifice me for an interesting afternoon?” Antonia asked in a low, grinning growl.

“Only because I know you’d have no problem holding your own.” Lerato beamed at her. Even the sun wouldn't have been able to compete.

“I’m the bait and the entertainment,” she surmised.

Lerato curled Antonia’s ponytail around two fingers, her others brushing Antonia’s neck. “If I say yes, will you show me?”

Antonia made a noise of agreement deep in the back of her throat and then kissed Lerato until all the rest of the anxiety had escaped her mind. This right here was a future worth having.

[silentwillowwhisperer]

:' )

Okay. I've been sick for the past couple days and my face hurts for some reason (why does my face hurt? That shouldn't happen). I have been hiding in a little nest I made on my bed.

Buuuut I really want to write something because block is stupid and should be told where to shove it.

We're gonna have a lil' bit of the team just chillin' because that's comfort stuff right there.

(Update: I think this turned out actually decent so yay! I made me happy soo there's that.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

The whole team is gathered in the lounge. Pidge is perched on the back of the couch with her feet resting on the cushions. Hunk is laying across half of it, and Lance takes up the other half. Their heads touch and they are engaged in soft, comfortable chatter in that way that only best friends can. Shiro is sprawled out on the floor at the foot of the couch starfish-style with his eyes closed. Keith sits next to him, carefully placing his limbs so that he doesn't disturb Shiro from his rare moment of calm. His head is near Lance and Hunk's and their mumbled words drift over to him every once in a while. He doesn't understand any of it, as it's all inside jokes and memories of people they knew in the past, but their voices are comforting. Not that Keith would ever admit that out loud.

He can hear the whirring of the castle's electronics and the faint buzz that the lights give off. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he can hear red curled up and purring. For some reason, being surrounded by these people as he is now, he's warmer than he ever was out in his lonely desert shack. It was the kind of warmth that settles deep in your bones, the kind that lingers pleasantly. The kind that feels fragile but strong as a stone pillar at the same time.

Every once in a while, Shiro would sigh deeply, or his strong voice would rumble out a comment to Lance and Hunk's conversation, or he would move his non-prosthetic arm onto Keith's lap and give him a gentle pat before moving. Pidge is clicking away at something on her computer, and the keys that she hits in a constant stream of clicks sound like a kind of strange music that Keith has come to associate with Pidge.

The best part is, no one expects Keith to say anything, to suddenly be social and contribute to their conversations. They know that he's existing around them in his own way. And anyway, they know that Keith is paying attention in the way he does, observing everything around him, his thoughts slowly reeling through his mind like one of those old movies with images in soft greys and browns and crackling voices that remind Keith of a campfire under the stars. Lance's arm hangs down over the edge of the couch and rests in Keith's lap. Keith uses it as a fidget toy, running his hands over Lance's perfectly shaped oval nails and running his hands over Lance's skin which makes Keith realize how real this is.

He starts humming a calm tune. It's just a bunch of random notes strung together, but Lance chuckles and joins in, and even Pidge stops typing to listen to their voices blending together. Still humming, Lance moves his hand blindly around Keith's lap until he finds the smaller boy's wrist and tugs it until Keith joins him on the couch, smooshed comfortably in between Lance's chest and the cushions. When their humming fades out, Keith goes back to focusing loosely on the hushed words drifting around the vast sea that is the room and feeling the heat radiating off of Lance.

[serpulalacrymans]

Opinions on chubby people?

Not that I'm the best person to ask about people or their bodies.. But...

They're just as easy to adore. People have varieties, and people with larger figures give me more to feel and touch. Some have naturally decorated skin with things like stretch marks and I like that a lot. It's very pretty. Reminds me of the veins on petals and leaves. Their legs are usually thicker, and being able to spread all my fingers out around them is.. Fun. I like how it feels when I squeeze them. Jiggly..

I'm also a fan of the bulge on their lower stomach. I find holding it kind of calming, especially when they're still warm. All the excess flesh is kind of like a fidget toy to me. I like the feeling of loose skin over the internal workings of the throat.. It's.. Fun to play with.

I am guilty of finding it rather arousing when thin clothes hug skin and create a little ridge. Thighs are especially good for this on pretty much any body type but mainly on those with thicker legs. When they wear those.. I don't know.. Those little straps? And it grips around their leg? I don't know how to describe it. That's nice. ˢᵃᵐᵉ ᵍᵒᵉˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ ˡᶦᵗᵗˡᵉ ᵇᵘᵐᵖˢ ᵇʸ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᶦᵖˢ. ᴵ ˡᶦᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵒˢᵉ ᵃ ˡᵒᵗ. ᴹᵐⁿⁿᶠᶠ…

[uncloseted]

Do you have any tips or advice for us ADHD girlies that are either working from home on our laptops all day or finishing our university degree the same way :( i know in person learning and working is usually most optimal but i don't have a car at the moment and i'm from a really small town so my only choice for either is digital :(

Ooh! Yes! I work from home and actually really like it (although full disclosure, I'm avoiding doing work right now).

The biggest thing I can recommend is adjusting your space so that it works for you. This will depend on what your symptoms are and how they manifest, since not everyone's ADHD works the same way, but here are some things that may help:

If you struggle with sitting still, getting a standing desk (or just sticking your laptop on top of a bookcase or stack of items), under-desk treadmill, or other way to move while working may help keep you on track. You can also schedule regular breaks to get up and walk around or do some exercise. In the same vein, a fidget toy can help to keep you focused while in meetings or lectures.

Have a dedicated space where you do your work, and try to make it so that space isn't facing any distractions. For example, you might set up an office in a closet (that's what I did) or just have a desk that faces a wall instead of facing the rest of the room. The fewer things you can see, the easier it is to avoid distractions.

To further avoid distractions, set up a "do not disturb" function on your phone and laptop so that you don't get random notifications and alerts that can pull your attention in a different direction. If you have noise cancelling headphones, that can also be useful for avoiding distractions.

This one is a YMMV, but it works for me so I'll include it... I put on some background music that I only play when I'm working (usually one of the lo-fi beats to study to videos on YouTube) and then set a Pomodoro timer. I focus on only my work for 25 minutes, then take a 5 minute break to walk around, then start the timer again. 25 minutes is the upper limit that most people can work on one thing without getting distracted, and the music is kind of a Pavlovian trigger where my brain goes "okay, we're doing work now." Plus, dividing your day into 25 minute chunks means that you can bounce between tasks if you're bored with what you're doing while still maintaining productivity.

Put everything into your calendar the minute you're told about it. If you're anything like me, you always tell yourself that you'll remember, and then it immediately disappears from your brain. Getting into the habit of writing things down and setting reminders has made a big difference in terms of actually remembering everything that has to get done.

Try finding someone to "body double" for you when you're doing work, either virtually or in-person. This can be one of your coworkers or classmates, but it can also just be a friend (or even one of those "do work with me/study with me" Twitch streams, if nothing else). Having someone working with you can help to keep you on task and keep you accountable.

At the beginning or end of every day (whichever works better for you) do a brain dump of everything that needs to get done. Prioritize them by how important they are and how soon they need to get done. Then, identify 3-5 tasks that you need to do today (whichever ones are the more important, urgent, or are stressing you out) and just focus on those. Cross them off your list once they're done. Keep these tasks easily visible so that you're reminded to stay on track.

I'm sure there are others, but these are the ones that have worked the best for me for the past few years.

[greyvvardenfell]

Gods I want to ask so many of these, but I'll start with a few. Oak wants to know Verian's answer to 7 of course xD And I want 10, 12, 38, 46 and 68.

7. there’s a magic item (or technological innovation, or special resource) made just for them—what is it?

hmmm i wonder what the party artificer could want with this information? :3c i think it would be cute to have a little mechanical raven... like a fidget toy kind of thing? it would remind him of [redacted] and might calm him down lol

10. what inspired this character’s creation?

back when we were planning on playing curse of strahd, i saw that wereravens were a thing, which obviously appealed to me. i was also dealing with some big Body Betrayal:tm: feelings at the time, and i wanted a character to reflect that. i didn't... set out? to make a religious zealot with strange ideas about death, but it's not an unnatural progression based on his life circumstances.

12. how have they altered their body? piercings, tattoos, biohacks, or other modifications—anything. why (or why not) did they (or someone else) make those changes?

well....... the whole wereraven thing is pretty body-altering, i would say. but verian has no artificial body mods like piercings or tattoos. which is unusual for a character of mine. i think he might've been a tattoo guy had his life turned out differently, but at this point his body changes enough.

38. do they see themselves as an important part of their party?

they don't see themself in the party at all uhhhhh sort of? but mainly in terms of like..... they have skills that no one else does, so they're filling a gap.

46. have they taught themselves any skills just for fun?

their art skills were for fun. more or less everything else they know was practical

68. where’s their home?

it doesn't matter. they can never return 💖

[c-kiddo]

-beanie animals: these are fun because unlike a lot of squishy animals they have a semi realistic look to them,, just have a hedgehog or something. Feels kinda like a stress ball (the ones I’m talking about are on smythstoys but you can find them other places)

-sand slug: if you really want a slug but don’t like the noise they do just make sand filled ones, not the same fidget feeling but hey, slug

-your standard fidget cube was always my go to while I was in class, there’s a lot of sound making bits but none of them are too loud and it’s got silent buttons + a lil joystick too so (there’s a lot of variations like fidget pads and puzzle toys but I find fidget cubes the most reliable, others are sometimes clicky and weird)

-those popit things are popular for a reason, but if you get one get one that’s rubbery all over and not with the white frame because the white frame ones are louder

-if you want something slime-esque but less eugh, you could try kinetic sand or just straight up play doh would probably be the cleanest option. Also if the visual is part of it for you get a water snake,, all the goop none of the having it on your hands. Sometimes there’s fish in there

-maybe a spinner ring? They’re nice to just push back and forth and it doesn’t really make noise that way

-I’m realising as I look into my favourites that really your best options for noiseless and soft are gonna be various squishy animals, but also the pea pod one is recommended for compulsive skin pickers so definitely try it out!!

^_^ thank you for suggestions!! i forgot about spinner ring , i dont really like wearing rings but it remind me of fidget spinners which i think theres maybe one downstairs. and maybe will try get more used to my fidget cube, it just doesnt fit very comfy in my hand. also th problem with slime n stuff is it makes a mess and i am fussy about things getting on my hands snkss especially stuff leaving a residue. i think i realise now little soft toys is probably a good idea. jellycat sensational sardine is good to hold in my hand and makes good noise to rub my thumb over next to my ear :-3

[ID: an ask reading: oh I was typing that up and hit ask before i saw the warning.. RIP on the pea pod I wanted one too. End ID.]

sad times about th soybean pea-pod guy .. maybe will try one n see, because it does look kind of fun anyway and good if its helpful for skin picking !! ;w;

[ajstaria]

Things FL and Gavin buy Caelum from Online Shops

Paint by Number (they r rlly fun)

STICKERSSS ALL KINDS OF STICKERSSS

A POLAROID CAMERAA

a cd player

a few kpop albums from groups that he likes

HEADBANDSSS WITH FUNKY DESIGNS (unicorns, cats, ONES THAT LIGHT UP)

orbeez

Freeze dried candy yum

Cute / Fun phone cases (pop it phone case, glow in the dark, the one with the mochi behind it)

Fidget toys

A roblox giftcard from like target idk im not american

Those cups that can make slushees when u squeeze it enough

Fairy lights

Beads that he can make bracelets with

Those big ass gummy bears/worms

Hairclips

Funny socks

A little fan that u can hang around ur neck

A detangling hairbrush (mainly for fl and gavin to use on caelum bc yk how kids are)

SLIME.

That little thing that makes everything a speaker

A roomba (again, mainly for gavin and fl bc of the mess caelum sometimes makes)

LOOM @fregget-frou REMINDED ME ONE OF THE KEYS TO TRUE CHILDHOOD THANK YOU (loom is life 🗣️🔊💢)

Jigsaw puzzles.

Part 2 anyone? LMAOAOAOA

taglist!!!

@morgansplace @star-sheeps @anthrokiaera

[child-ofdust]

assigning fidget toys to my f/os because umm :3 i just got two new 1s in the mail abd its on my brain

OK!!! Starting w/ sam first

in general i don't think he fidgets a lot. he jst...doesn't really need to, any stimming is done through his wings & that's usually good enough but if he were to pick up anything from my collection it would be fingears !!! i think his favorite way of fidgeting with them would be spinning in his non-dominant while working on a new script or something similar:-)

bella time

SLUGS. this isnt even a question i know she would love those slugs, i don't think she's a noise person like me i think she'd just like the act/feeling of throwing something around like a rag doll w/o getting in trouble for it. kind of similar to sam, i don't think she rlly has the need or want to fidget, she gets bored rather quickly and that carries over to fidget toys

caesar

maybe i'm projecting. idc. but he loves tangles & knucklebones. anything he can roll/move around his hand, especially the top knuckle area (ME TOO!!!). i also think he'd be partial to pop-its but specifically the squishy bubble-like ones (this doesn't make sense & idk how else to explain it help but it's silly and reminds me of bubbles)

ok i know joseph isn't like 'officially' an f/o but i can't selfship w caesar if his boyfriend jose isn't here so..

another rlly easy one, begleris. i don't know ehat else to say help i wanted to make this post specifically because of this part lol. not rlly a fidget toy but i think he'd just enjoy spinning pens n stuff in general. OH AND FIDGET SPINNERS!!!

hol horse

i accidentally exited out while writing jfhdu so oopsie. rewrite Tl;dr - hol would definitely just use his emperor to fidget. if this was a non-stand au he'd love those silly little clickers in the shape of revolvers hffu i know it...

dio

dio dio dio... gah. He could use anythign and also nothing help i dont think he's a fidgeter, that seems 'beyond' him in a sense. but i know i could get him on the fidget toy train i know it. like, bike chain fidgets

am i projecting again? maybe!!! but bike chains r so ... flippy... easy to hide, pretty quiet too so basically unnoticeable/mindless. i think he'd default to flipping 'em w/o even noticing while doing one of his villain monologues.

also just. since im talking abt bike chains rn, i think rohan would also use them! but also just small clickers & anything he can use in his non-dominant hand in general while he works on his manga:3

[iamvegorott]

How all the couples celebrate Valentine's

Danti

They're the kind of couple that get each other flowers

Dark gives Anti a bouquet of purple chrysanthemums and a box of chocolate peanut butter cups. He also uses his inner Damien to make a nice dinner.

Anti gives Dark red & blue roses and a double chocolate cupcake.

The twins also take turns giving their fathers valentines

Nyx gives sour patch kids

Eos gives Russel Stovers (Nyx jokingly calls her a basic bitch)

Marvin & Chase

Marvin & Chase don't really do flowers, since Chase is allergic

With magic, Marvin makes Chase a chocolate rose that looks like an actual rose

Chase gets Marvin a stuffed animal of a black cat & some cool new tarot cards

Dapperstache

Jameson gets Wilford a bouquet of Wild Williams (per Dark's recommendation) & a box of peppermint chocolates

Wilford gets Jameson creme-filled caramels

Madmare

Neither are the best at gift-giving, but they try their best

Neither of them are really into flowers either

Can't really keep it secret, since Mad's an empath

Mare gets mad a giant pack of Diet Coke

Mad gets Mare giant stuffed animal (it has become a yearly joke gift)

Blank gets a fidget toy from both of them

Gin, Gunther, & Peevils

Gin teaches Peevils about the yearly earth custom of Valentine's Day & she loves it right away

Gin gives his partners, you guessed it, ro-ses!

He gives Gunther red ones & Peevils pink ones

Peevils is amazed that flowers can be so many different colors & types

Gunther gives them both hot cocoa bombs, because...you know...bombs

Peevils gives Gin a heart kaleidoscope, since she knows how much he loves looking at "pretty colors"

Peevils gives Gunther chocolate in the shape of a gun

Jamie gets honey buns, of course

Sammy (Gin & Gunther's kid) gets light up headphones

Gin misses giving gifts to his captain friend

Though they were AroAce, they always enjoyed whatever he gave them

Actor & Mike

Actor is a romantic

Actor gives Mike forget-me-nots & makes him a dinner of his favorite pasta (broccoli alfredo with bowtie noodles)

Mike makes Actor a red-velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing & red roses, of course

Aurora gets creme filled donuts

Noist

It's Night's first Valentine's with someone he actually loves/wasn't forced to marry

Night gives the Host an audiobook of the Edgar Allen Poe story collection

The Host gives Night red dahlias, since they symbolize elegance ("not that Night would need more to inflate his ego" the Host narrates)

Conny & Eclipse get to make a special star & name it

Murdoir

Noir gets Murdock a Plague Doctor plushie & a knife with their names engraved on it

Murdock isn't the sentimental type, so he's bad at thinking of gifts

Murdock gets Noir a big bottle of his favorite whiskey

Lydia surprises them with their own candlelit dinner by the lake

Murdock assures Lydia that he owes her a kill for this

Asher gets chocolate cherries, since they're their favorite

Wren gets a signed copy of Good Omens (it's one of his favorite shows)

Ballu

They also had to be taught about this earth holiday

Bandit gets Allu a plague nurse plushie & hamster earrings (totally legally, she definitely didn't steal them *wink* *wink*)

Allu gets Bandit one of those balance balls, since she always plays with the one on their desk, as well as some Black Pansies, since they remind Allu of her

Ray gets his first pair of headphones & loves them instantly

Portview

Crystal & Helena always gave each other flowers with specific meaning

For their first Valentine's back together, Crystal gives Helena a bouquet of Amaranthus (for never fading feelings) & baby's breath (for everlasting love)

Helena gives Crystal white roses (meaning love forever)

Crystal gives Dark a cactus (meaning maternal love)

Crystal gives Gin Dark Center Poppies (meaning beauty, magic, & eternal life)

Crystal influences Helena to also get a cactus for Actor, rather than her usual passive-agressive roses

Yanois

Illinois gets Yancy tickets to his favorite musical

Yancy gets Illinois caramel filled chocolates & carnations

Chicago gets patches to add to her jacket

Ms. Whitacre, as usual, makes everyone cookies.

OH THESE ARE ALL SO ADORABLE!!! <3 <3 <3