#they just.... they weren't great parents to begin with but they really did just fucking give up

[opheliac]

came up with the script i wish i could yell at my parents while walking home. they've gotten so much worse in the last half year and i need to fucking escape !!!!!!!! it is not fucking healthy or sustainable to live like this, to be in this environment.

[ikeuverse]

TO BELIEVE — s.jaeyun

PAIRING: ex!jake x fem!reader  GENRES: angst, smut, fluff WC: 15.4k+

WARNINGS: argument, swearing, mention of cheating, fights, brief description of a physical fight, unprotected sex (don't do it, do it safely), nipple play, cumming inside. lmk if i've forgotten anything.

SYNOPSIS: you have the mission of being godmother at your brother's wedding, but the only obstacle is sharing it with his best friend, and your ex-bf who you're sure cheated on you, jake sim.

NOTES: one of the many stories i have saved for my jake. it was supposed to be short, but i can't, i always get carried away writing it! i hope you enjoy it.

masterlist

“I don't believe it” you said, a sigh of weariness and discontent coming from your lips when your brother's voice informed you of this.

You had known that he and Josie would get married from the moment they got engaged in their last year of high school. Heeseung was completely in love with your best friend and you, being a great person, encouraged the two of them to get together. But what frustrated you wasn't the wedding itself, or the responsibility you had been given as a bridesmaid, but the fact that it would all be shared with Jake Sim, Josie's brother and, ironically, your ex-boyfriend.

It would be a blessing to have his friendship after the two of you broke up because, after all, both families would be united one way or another. But the break-up hadn't been pleasant at all and, after a year apart, any interaction between you and Jake was cause for friction. If you were in a cartoon, sparks would surely fly from the two of you every time you were in the same room.

“Come on Y/n, Jake is my best friend and Josie's brother” Heeseung sighed too, putting on a pout that almost had you convinced of the proposal “It was obvious that he would be best man with you at our wedding.”

Your brother was right and you knew it from the start. Since before you and Jake broke up. When Heeseung and Josie talked about marriage in college, saying that the two of you would be the best man because it was perfect that you were both also dating. A coincidence that life provided. Your best friend dating your brother and you dating your best friend's brother. But since things weren't that simple for you, only Josie was happy now.

“Can't you and she, I don't know, just have more than one best man?” your eyes wandered over to your brother who was trying to maintain a relaxed posture, his body slumped nonchalantly on the sofa at your parents' house. Where you and he got together every weekend for lunch or just to pass the time in your hectic lives without any contact during the week “I'd love to be a bridesmaid to Jungwon, for example.”

“He'll be one of the godparents, of course” Heeseung smiled at you, although his gaze was on the large television that was playing some program that your brother could barely pay attention to “But your mission and Jake's are much greater because, well… You'll be our witnesses.”

It was a more than important title. Witnessing their union from the beginning, seeing them sign the papers and then exchange vows, it was all so beautiful.

“That's not the problem” he sighed so loudly that it was only at that moment that Heeseung stopped staring at the television so that he could look in your direction “It's that I'm going to have to go after practically everything for you and Josie together with Jake.”

“A great opportunity for you two to talk and finally understand each other” he said without thinking, regretting it at the exact moment he felt a pillow fly at his head “Ouch! What the fuck, Y/n?”

“You're defending him again!”

“I'm just telling you to really listen to him” Heeseung protected himself from another pillow to the head, holding it in the air before you could even hit him “Jake wouldn't be able to do that. Even more so with you.”

Even more so with you. Why did your brother insist on defending Jake? As if you were dumb enough to have gone to meet him in the locker room before the friendly match and, unfortunately, found a bra in his locker that wasn't yours. You didn't even wear pink bows on the bulge, it was too cute. Only someone wore that kind of outfit, showing off to everyone who had the chance. So it was easy to associate Jake, the captain of the university soccer team, with the slutty cheerleader you grew to hate even more.

Both Heeseung and Josie were forbidden to talk about it, to defend Jake in your presence, or to make you talk to him after you decided to end it all. It could have been completely childish of you not to listen to him, to throw your bra at Jake and utter the last words you could, looking deep into those brown eyes you had once come to love.

“I hate that I loved you” Jake didn't think it would hurt more than the accusation of betrayal, even though he hadn't even had the chance to say anything. Your voice was like a deep cut, bigger than any injury he had once felt playing soccer.

After that day you saw Jake Sim as the biggest traitor in history and the person you had all the bad feelings for. Even if the words had to be a little more restrained in the presence of family or when you decided to omit all the bad things that happened, saying that the break-up was because you wanted to take a trip abroad. The trip happened, and spending almost eight months in Madrid was able to clear your head.

Being away from Jake and everything that involved him and your family – which was now his too – helped you to cope a little with the distance. But you came back so quickly with the news of your brother's wedding that the last few months since your arrival in Madrid have all ended in arguments, or you and Jake swearing at each other until you can't take it anymore.

You could say you felt physical pain just being in his presence because you knew it was inevitable that you wouldn't have a single argument. Did he feel entitled to feel resentful and hurt by something he had done? And did Jake get irritated by the way you got angry without even giving him a chance to explain properly? Jake would never do that, but your mind and your eyes told you otherwise. You didn't want to listen to him, you didn't want to live with him. Perhaps living in Madrid after your brother's wedding could be an almost real thought, although you would never be able to leave your family in the long term.

“Y/n” Heeseung called out, taking you out of your thoughts as he held your hand. The gentle, comforting touch that only your older brother could provide “I know this situation will always be bad for you and him, but—” he squeezed your hand lightly “Can you do this for me and Josie? Please?”

The pleading voice was an extremely low game that Heeseung played with you to get what he wanted, but at that moment you felt vulnerability. You felt that he really wanted you to accept because it went beyond anything between you and Jake. It wasn't on purpose that he and Josie had done this, after all, you and Jake were the brothers of the bride and groom anyway. You both had to be at that wedding one way or another.

Squeezing Heeseung's hands back, you let out a low sigh. Your eyes wandered over his face as you saw hope run through the boy's eyes. It didn't seem like he was older than you and about to get married.

“All right, I'll try” you said at last, watching Heeseung's smile widen even more.

“Thanks Y/n, you're the best sister in the world” he bent down to kiss your cheek, releasing your hands to get up from the sofa.

“I'm the only sister you've got, asshole. I have to be the best!” you protested.

Heeseung's laughter echoed down the corridor to the kitchen, where he had disappeared. Surely he was going after some dessert to share with you while jabbering on about some wedding details he hadn't stopped talking about for a second since you showed up.

Your break-up wasn't an entirely amicable affair between the two of you. Your mind and heart were convinced that Jake had cheated on you, although you had never seen him get so worked up trying to explain that it would never happen. His hands gripping his hair as he paced the room, stuttering or not finishing a sentence because you didn't want to hear it. Part of you knew that denial came because you didn't want to hear anything from him and have to go back on what you saw, but another part still kept the image of that pink bow bra inside his locker in the changing room vivid.

But for your family, the break-up had gone smoothly. You both agreed to make up some excuse, after all, you'd still have to deal with each other for the rest of your lives because now Heeseung and Josie were getting married. There was no way you could avoid Jake or he could avoid you. His closest friends knew what had happened, two of Jake's best friends besides Heeseung and Susan, your other best friend along with Josie. Even though your anger towards him still remained, you didn't want others to think the wrong thing about you and Jake. Sparing you explanations or embarrassment. Even sparing you from remembering that day.

Living in a small – and false – harmony while being close to your family or anyone else who didn't know what actually happened. That's why the two of you were together in the party store at that moment.

Being appointed best man was something Jake knew would happen, ever since Heeseung confessed that he was going to propose to Josie a month before they finished university. Jake didn't want to be selfish by seeing his best friend in love while he was on the brink of ruin because, in addition to breaking up with you, he had just learned that you were going to another country. Maybe that was a good thing after all. Having you away would help him think and even try to find some way to get you to listen to him. Jake wouldn't give up on making you listen to him, even if it took years, he would make you hear the whole truth.

Looking around with a small sigh, he returned to the present moment. Staring at some baskets that he couldn't tell the material of. Wicker, bamboo or straw? Were those ropes really woven together, one by one?

“What have you got on your list?” your voice snapped him out of his reverie and made Jake look quickly in your direction. Trying to concentrate on your serious face, his glasses perched on the tip of his nose as he looked down at his notes.

He reached for the piece of paper in the back pocket of his jeans, opening what was already all but crumpled. While you had a notebook between your fingers, he had a piece of paper.

Typical Jake Sim, he knew you'd say that out loud if you were still together. And if you were together, you'd roll your eyes playfully and walk over to him, pick up the piece of paper, and throw it away, because his notes would be in your notebook too. And that would make you lean over and kiss him on the lips ever so sweetly, mumbling something about how Jake was a bit disorganized about it and that Josie had the craziest big brother in the world.

“Jake” you called him, almost whispering.

“Sorry” he took a deep breath, trying to focus on what was happening. Rolling his eyes at the words Josie had said a few hours ago, he hastily jotted them down on the piece of paper he was holding “I have some fabrics she asked me for and about three types of flowers for the bouquet and table arrangements.”

“Really?” you walked over to him, leaning close enough to see the piece of paper. Jake held his breath for a few seconds so as not to inhale your perfume, but if he didn't breathe, he would surely die. Then you slowly let out your breath while looking at the top of your head “Do they both think we're ceremonialists?”

“Maybe so” Jake said quietly “but from what Josie said, it's because they both trust us so much that we chose this so carefully.”

They were words she would say. Trusting you and Jake to choose the small details without giving them into the hands of someone she's never seen. Even more so Josie, who had always planned her wedding down to the smallest detail since she was fifteen, back when she hadn't even dreamed of falling in love with Lee Heeseung.

“Which of these three do you think is Josie's favorite?” your eyes searched Jake's after reading the paper. At that moment, neither of you wanted to face each other with such intensity, so close together. But you didn't know that approaching him to read the list would result in being so close. Walking away abruptly at that moment would have been rude, although you had never cared whether it was like that or not with Jake.

He looked at you. Really looked. As he had done ever since he'd seen you for the first time, and it made you feel strange inside. You wanted to think that maybe it was the nervousness of being alone with him after such a long time, being assigned to tasks like being a bridesmaid.

“Dahlia?” he said.

“Was that a question?” you asked him back, raising an eyebrow when you saw the uncertainty in Jake's voice.

“Come on, she's your best friend.”

“And she's your sister.”

“So what?” Jake asked “I don't know what her favorite flower is, Y/n. I don't even know about flowers.”

A big lie, Jake understood. In parts. When the two of you started dating, he did a lot of research on the internet about flowers and their meanings, finding out about the orchid and what it represented. When he bought you your first bouquet of orchids, reciting why he had done it, that was when Jake saw you cry with joy and love for the first time since you two started dating.

And it was from that day on that you both called the orchid the flower of your relationship.

“Yes, you do” you whispered so that he wouldn't hear, you didn't want him to hear. For him to understand that you were thinking practically the same thing as him.

Having that moment of a few hours without a single argument was the result of many requests and practically an engaged couple begging you and Jake not to jump on each other for the sake of the wedding that was yet to take place. Josie knew you well enough to know your limits around Jake, just as she also knew how her brother would cope with being in your presence for so long. It had to be perfect, and it wouldn't be something from your and Jake's old relationship that would affect what she had always dreamed of.

“I'll find the decorations for the tables, can you see the flowers?” Jake just agreed with you as he continued down the aisle of baskets and trinkets for flower arrangements. Agreeing with what you were saying was something he had been practicing over the weeks as he was assigned to spend more time than necessary by your side.

Sometimes the two of you would go out with Heeseung and Josie, looking for things related to the wedding and everything that could be used for the big party. Jake saw how much Heeseung agreed with his fiancée and, with subtle comments, he managed to change her mind when she didn't agree with something. This could be the big key to why their relationship had worked so well from the start.

Where did I go wrong? Jake felt selfish for thinking so, knowing exactly where he went wrong. He didn't insist enough on a conversation, he didn't make you listen to him the way you should have and, as a result, almost a year went by with him being set up as a liar in your head. That's why he decided not to argue and just agreed when you asked or gave your opinion. He agreed with almost everything because he knew how good you were at decorating, not to mention the fact that he knew that you and Josie had talked about marriage for hours when you were still Jake's girlfriend. He remembers nights when he would play with Heeseung while the two of you watched dress fittings, giving your opinions on which one you would like to wear on the big day.

While his sister opted for more flashy things, with some stones and sparkles in the veil, you always chose the simple, strapless dress that accentuated the curves of your body and without too much lace because you didn't want something so big. This simplicity made Jake's eyes sparkle because he could clearly see you in a simple dress. Although all the beauty would turn to your face, no matter what you were wearing.

“Flowers, Jake. Focus on the flowers” he said to himself as he pushed a trolley through the aisles of the store. Memorizing the ones Josie had told him about as an option and going to where they all were.

He had to concentrate on that or he would go mad because there was no way not to have nostalgic thoughts when you were around without fighting with him. These moments were rare, but when they happened, Jake knew he wasn't the only one who thought like that.

Looking at the labels naming each flower, he wondered if it was really necessary. Whether Josie would be angry if he chose any of them instead of the three on that piece of paper because they were just flowers. A color that wasn't too flashy – the only thing Jake could think of was that his sister wanted everything in rosé and champagne tones – and the flowers could be light pink or white. If he got one of those colors, but it wasn't the one she wanted, would his sister be happy? He didn't want to risk that much, so he sighed heavily in search of a dahlia or any of the other two that were named.

Luckily, the white dahlias weren't that far away, and Jake managed to get just the right amount to show Josie and see if that was what she was going to take. Apart from taking a small bouquet, he would probably have to go back with Heeseung and pick up countless flowers just to put on the tables of so many guests he didn't even know his sister had invited.

Rolling his eyes at some of them, Jake gathered a good amount into a clumsy bouquet but organized enough to take to the cashier and pay. His eyes rolled over a few flowers until they stopped: the orchids. He didn't want his heart to race so much that he had to bite his lower lip to suppress a smile. Jake could go on for years without talking to you, but it would never leave his mind.

“You're an idiot, Jake Sim” he hated having the habit of talking to himself while he was in such an internal dilemma but taking just one orchid and hiding it under the bouquet of dahlias was necessary at that moment. He didn't know why he'd done it, but he knew he had to.

“Have you got the flowers yet?” your voice sounded a little louder than usual, at the exact moment when Jake put the flowers into the trolley and looked down the corridor in his direction. He just nodded, watching you approach with some things he couldn't even tell you what they were. Maybe not even you. But they were all named according to what the bride and groom wanted, so all was well and good.

“Do we need anything else?” Jake asked after you'd put everything in the trolley, not even bothering to check that the amount of flowers he'd picked up was correct. This made him sigh with relief, so he wouldn't have to explain why he'd picked up an orchid out of the blue.

“I think we got everything in this store” you said at last, turning away from Jake to look in your notebook and make sure you knew what you were talking about.

He wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible, run to Heeseung, and tell him what was going on. Or even ask his best friend to take his place on the next outing for the wedding stuff. Because if it went on like this, Jake didn't know if he could take it any longer.

The look on Josie's face could only indicate two things: either she was very nervous, or she had done something wrong. And considering that all the women were gathered in the living room of Mrs. Sim's house for the pre-wedding lingerie tea, maybe your friend was just nervous.

Looking at her for a while, you saw her say something to Susan and, when they both agreed on something before telling you, you could certainly suspect the second thought. This made your heart race because, if something had gone wrong, it was your job as godmother to fix it.

“What happened?” you quickly asked when the two of them approached, Susan looking around before glancing at you and then at Josie.

“Josie needs to tell you something” she said, and then you saw your sister-in-law and best friend open her mouth to say something, but the sound of the doorbell interrupted her.

Some women were arriving, Josie's friends from work, other family friends that Mrs. Sim and her mother had made a point of inviting. Everything would be very welcome if it meant getting things from people before her wedding, after all, Josie wouldn't deny any gifts. She also called some friends from college, and for some reason, your mind clicked so far ahead that you only realized what was happening when you saw her walk through the door.

Your stomach did such a somersault that you almost threw up the lunch you'd eaten with Susan before getting things ready for Josie at her mother's house. You thought the last time you'd see Stacy Joseph, the owner of the pink bow bra, would be in that hallway where you threw it at her and nearly broke her nose when you went to make amends. The last contact between the two of you was with Susan standing between you and her after you punched her in the nose, watching her bleed while you told her to swallow that stupid fabric. After that, you never saw her around the college campus, near anyone you knew or, worse, near Jake.

“Y/n, I—”

“Girls!” even her voice made you nauseous, and you wanted to ask yourself over and over again why Jake had chosen Stacy Joseph to be the pivot of the break-up and the reason for the betrayal between the two of you.

You remained silent the whole time she entered the house, left the gift package in the middle of the living room, and walked in the direction the three of you were heading. As a little dejavú, Susan stood next to you, almost between the two of you when Stacy got close enough to greet Josie.

“I'm so happy you're getting married, that's so cool” she hugged Josie so tightly, that you wanted to rip her out of her best friend's arms.

“Thank you for coming” she just replied, letting go of the hug and looking straight at you.

Stacy didn't say your name or Susan's, but the cordiality meant that she just nodded at you both in mute greeting.

“Y/n” Josie called your name, but your head was spinning and you looked like you were going to throw up. Her voice lingered in the back of your mind as you broke away from your friends and ran to Mrs. Sim's kitchen.

This couldn't be happening, not to you. For almost a year you had managed to forget what her face looked like, her voice, and even her presence, focusing your anger only on Jake because he was the only one you were around all the time. Now seeing her in front of you again, being invited to your sister-in-law's pre-wedding party… No, that was too much for you.

“Look Y/n, listen to me” Josie entered the kitchen, followed by Susan who looked at the two of you and then towards the entrance to the room, fearing that Stacy might follow them and, who knows, start an unnecessary argument “I heard she was coming a few hours ago, and it was because of your brother!”

“What do you mean?” you didn't want to look at her now, you didn't want to show how much this affected you. So your gaze went to the counter where your mother had placed drinks to be served when all the women had arrived. You didn't mind opening a bottle with the highest proof, grabbing a glass, and filling it halfway before downing it. “Shit.”

“Y/n” Josie was on the other side of the counter, right in front of you. Susan was next to her, looking at you too. “I didn't know she was Haechan's girlfriend because he never told us, and since Heeseung invited him because he was on the soccer team… He asked if he could invite his girlfriend and—” she took a deep breath, feeling her eyes burn at how shaken you had been. When you filled the glass for the second time, Josie quickly took it and drank, just like you had done a few seconds before, feeling the burning sensation go down your throat. “Haechan didn't say her name or anything, otherwise I would have made an excuse.”

“No” you quickly said. “It's okay, it's just—”

“Besides, Jake didn't even cheat on you, but you don't want to hear that right now” Susan took the glass from Josie's hand, looking in your direction with a raised eyebrow. You felt your whole body ache just thinking about starting that debate again, how tired and upset you were to see your best friends siding with a traitor like Jake. No one had seen what you saw in his locker, so why not believe you?

“We found you three” Mrs. Sim entered the kitchen with an unusual excitement. She smiled at the three of you and didn’t notice the strange atmosphere that was there before she arrived “Have you gone to taste our drinks yet?” she laughed when she saw the glass in Josie’s hand and the open bottle in front of you. Your mother came in right after with one of her arms linked through Jake’s. And that’s when your legs went completely weak.

“What are you doing here, honey? It’s a women-only party” Mrs. Sim said as soon as she saw her son enter the kitchen with your mother. She seemed to be babbling about something he hadn’t even heard yet.

“I came to get my wallet and car keys” Jake said, but his gaze was on you the whole time. You felt that he was, even though you had looked away so as not to look at him at that moment.

“Then you can leave, there will only be women’s talk here” your mother let go of his arm for a second, “Things about panties, drinks, bras, and stuff.”

She and your mother laughed, you saw Josie’s smile slowly appear, as she searched for your gaze.

“About bras? Then Jake can stay” you murmured, “He loves that.”

Oh, no. It had been too long since the two of you had had an argument since the wedding preparations began. You looked up at him, seeing that Jake seemed unreadable with that expression. He had definitely seen Stacy in the living room because your mother was there welcoming people, so he must have seen her. Or worse, he must have heard Haechan talking about her when he arrived for the boys' party that was happening simultaneously at your house at that moment.

“I love bras? Is that what you're saying?” Jake scoffed, the sound making your whole body shiver. Josie and Susan looked at the situation nervously, trying to predict the next moves to try to intervene since your mothers were there. It would be the first argument in front of them.

“Of course” you smiled falsely, “With pink bows and everything.”

The sound around happened naturally, people talking loudly and walking from one side to the other. In the other room, it was easy to hear the laughter of the women who were eager to start the party. Your mother and Jake's mother picked up some bottles, paying attention to the two of you who were standing there staring at each other. While Josie, surreptitiously, walked to her brother's side to try to get him out of there.

“I hate bras” Jake made a small face when his sister approached “You must know that Y/n, because I took yours off every day.”

“Holy shit” Susan almost choked on her own saliva as she held back a laugh, even though the mood wasn't conducive to it. But your face was priceless because no one expected that answer from Jake. Not even you.

“What?” your mother looked at you two, astonished, although she didn’t need to explain to anyone what happened in a relationship. Even more so for as long as it had lasted with you and Jake. You two were adults, above all, and no one would interfere in that.

“Sorry” Jake quickly said, feeling Josie’s hand on his shoulders, gently pushing him out of the kitchen. “Have a good party, girls. See you later!” he felt his cheeks burning, even though he had given you a good answer, it was still in the presence of your mother and his mother, so Jake acted on total impulse.

Of course, he was nervous and scared when he saw Stacy in the living room of his mother’s house. He knew Haechan was dating someone, but no one knew who she was until she showed up. Jake knew he had a lot to tell Heeseung as soon as he got to his house for the boys’ party, but that didn’t stop his mind from wandering to the moment the two of you had in the kitchen. If Jake thought that this marriage would be peaceful, even with the problems, now he had just felt that it wasn't.

Three days until the wedding, where Josie and Heeseung would exchange vows, celebrate, and finally become part of the same family. She was so happy to know that her wishes were coming true, especially with someone like Heeseung. Who had always taken care of her since the first moment they were together. So planning and executing every little thing of that party didn't become a tiring job because, in the end, it made up for the joy of both of them.

And that was why you tried to ignore the discomfort in your chest every time you were around Jake – more than usual – after the meeting between the two of you at his parents' house. A whole week passed after that and you tried not to be around him alone for so long, even though you had to hurry to try on the dresses that your sister-in-law had set aside for the bridesmaid.

Going to the wedding dress store had to be a task done by you and Jake, together. But after that, you wanted to avoid him as much as he was trying to avoid you too. So you left your apartment without waiting for his ride, which was happening in the last few moments of every place you two went together. You went into the store and gave the bride's name, saying that there were some spares for you to try on in the color Josie had designated for you. The saleswoman, smiling and attentive, took you to the changing room so you could try it on and see how it would look on your body.

Being covered in a chic, pink, almost silk dress made you feel beautiful and desired. You knew Josie had that kind of taste. It was easy to trust her taste in clothes, but it wouldn't be an effort to try them on just to make her happy. Maybe you would keep the first one you put on anyway, but since there were five more on the hangers, you would need to put each one on. That way you could tell her why you had chosen one over the other.

“This way, Mr. Jake” the voice of the same saleswoman called down the hallway and you quickly straightened up, adjusting the second dress on your body when you heard footsteps walking in front of your door.

You ran to it and unlocked it, on impulse, just as the saleswoman was opening the door to the dressing room across from yours.

"Y/n? Are you here yet?" Jake was startled when he looked at you, but his eyes softened enough for him to make eye contact for a few seconds. You just nodded, looking away at the saleswoman.

“So you two are Josie and Heeseung’s godparents?” she asked.

“Yes” you and Jake said at the same time, her smile widening.

“Perfect” you said slowly. “Mr. Jake, your suits are in there as requested, and Ms. Y/n, did the dresses look good?”

“I’m still trying on the second one” you opened the door a little wider to show her. It wasn’t the silk of the first dress, but the lace and rhinestone trim gave a perfect glimpse of the curves of your hips. The saleswoman had a fond smile on her face, complimenting how beautiful you looked.

“It really does look beautiful” Jake blurted out, taking you and the saleswoman out of the small conversation you had both been having. Only then did he notice that the three of you were still standing in the hallway and that you were still wearing one of the dresses.

Your voice didn’t come out as a thank you, but you walked back into the dressing room and closed the door behind you before saying anything to him. Leaning your back against the cold wood and trying to normalize your heartbeat. Why did he have to say that as if nothing was happening?

In the time that followed, you tried to focus your attention on the other dresses and how the colors Josie had chosen were flattering to your skin tone and the color of your eyes. You felt more and more beautiful in each piece that slid over your body, the reflection in the mirror pleasing you more and more, making it practically impossible to choose a single piece that you could definitely choose. Going to the last dress, then, you decided to take off the one you were wearing and slide the fabric over your body.

Another silk, this time a little thinner, but not enough to be transparent. This one could have been designed for you because Josie knew you didn't want anything so flashy. You smiled to yourself after putting on the dress, turning your back to do up the zipper that was the only lock on the piece.

“Shit,” you grumbled when you saw it get stuck right at the beginning. “No, no, no…” despair began to take over your body. You couldn’t take off that dress or pull up the zipper and risk ripping something so expensive. Your mind raced to call the saleswoman quickly. She would be the only one who could help you with that zipper and would even be a good company to give advice to others who had doubts.

So yes, that’s what you would do. Holding the front of the dress with the straps hanging loosely on your shoulders, you walked to the door and unlocked it. Only sticking your head out and looking for the saleswoman. Not a soul passed by that hallway and you started to get a little scared because the only sound was footsteps coming from downstairs, where people were walking back and forth through the store.

The only sound that took you away from your thoughts of taking off your dress and giving up on trying it on was the click of the lock on the door in front of you. Jake had messy hair, adjusting his fly and the first four buttons of his white shirt open.

“Y/n?” he called you, finishing closing the zipper and running a hand through his hair to try to fix it a little. “I heard your door opening and I thought you were leaving, but— Are you okay?” he looked at you as soon as he stopped talking.

You stayed quiet for a few seconds, admiring how handsome he looked even in that sloppy and unkempt way. You imagined how clumsy Jake was with formal and elegant clothes, especially since you were the one helping him with the tie knots since you had to learn because of Heeseung and your father.

“I think…” you sighed, not wanting to say it out loud. He almost scolded himself for knowing you so well and knowing that something was wrong, so he walked the few steps from his door to yours, stopping in front of you “I think my dress zipper got stuck.”

“Do you need help?” he asked. You nodded slowly and, without saying anything else, let him enter your dressing room and closed the door right after.

Jake could see how organized you were even with a larger amount of dresses than he had to try on pants and shirts. Everything was perfectly folded, some even already hanging on the hangers while the pants he tried on were on the floor and only the blazers were on the hanger because he couldn’t find a single one that he thought looked nice on him.

“Okay, what do I need to do?” he turned towards you, noticing the way you were holding the front of your dress for dear life.

“Can you try to pull up the zipper? Otherwise, we can call the saleswoman” you turned your back to him and Jake had to hold his breath a little. The amount of skin was too much for him to see, even though it wasn't an unfamiliar sight for him. But after so long having this kind of contact was something Jake wasn't expecting.

“Okay, okay,” he said more to himself, walking towards you when you threw all your hair to the side, leaving your back completely bare to him.

Jake’s fingers trembled uselessly when the tip of his index finger and thumb touched the zipper. Nothing more than that, because he didn’t want to cross any boundaries.

“It’s not going to happen,” he said after forcing it a little, the zipper not moving.

“Try again, please” you asked. “This dress is perfect and I think your sister chose it because maybe it suits me better than the others.”

He didn’t want to admit that yes, that dress was perfect on you. Even if you weren’t dressed properly and you still had to close the zipper to see the final result, Jake didn’t need that to compliment you or find you beautiful in any outfit. Taking another step forward, Jake thought he could dare and listen to his instincts, or he simply wouldn’t have a chance of doing that anymore. So he muted any other voice in his head and listened only to what his heart was telling him to do. With his free hand, Jake grabbed your waist under the thin fabric of your dress. He had touched your skin before under some silk that you had worn during the years of your relationship, but nothing compared to the dress you were wearing now.

You tried to hold back any sound that might come out of your mouth as his hand slowly squeezed your hip, while the other tried to pull up the zipper of your dress. Jake seemed focused on that action that bent over enough for his breath to hit the back of your neck. His eyes traveled up the length of your back and saw your skin crawl with that simple gesture.

So he still had some effect on you.

It was too much information for him to process. Jake affects your body, the closeness of the two of you, and the even heavier atmosphere between you after Stacy's arrival. It was too much for him to process. Jake could never do anything rational under pressure, so he knew it would have a drastic consequence, he wouldn't stop trying.

Turning your body and pressing it against his chest, you didn't have a chance to swear at him. There was not even time to speak a single syllable when Jake's lips quickly sought yours. It was like an act of returning home, where he already knew the way and only needed those few seconds to have his lips on yours.

If Jake was being irrational about the whole thing, you weren't going to be the only thinking person or get in the way of what was happening. Part of you wanted it, although the other part of you disagreed with having the tip of Jake's tongue poking at your lower lip. With a low moan, you gave way and that was all he needed. To tangle his tongue in yours, to taste you in his mouth again while his hands ran down your hips and gripped your body as if his life depended on it.

Maybe it did because to go a whole time like that without feeling his lips, without sliding your teeth across his bottom lip or having your hands wrapped in his hair. Your body pressed against his while you moaned low against his mouth every time the kiss intensified. Jake missed that as much as you did. And seeing how intensely you were giving yourself to him was more than an answer to what he needed.

Walking towards the nearest table, careful not to ruin his clothes on the way, Jake leaned you against the wood without interrupting the kiss in the process. He didn't want to pull his mouth away from yours and even though you both needed air, he wanted to be able to breathe the air from your mouth if at all possible. His hands, still on your waist, slid all over your back, still uncovered by the fabric that wouldn't close at all. Thanks for the stuck zipper, he thought, running his hand up your spine until he tangled the fabric of the dress between his fingers.

Jake's mouth parted from yours just then, his forehead still pressed against yours and his eyes slowly opening to search for yours. A silent request as to whether he could go on with it or whether you were sorry and wanted him to leave the room.

Your hands found his and as if to help him, you pulled the loose fabric down your body, revealing your chest as all the silk bunched around your hips. His eyes shone brightly. Jake could tell it had all been worth it just from that sight. Your hands found his hair and he slid his lips down your neck as you spread your legs, beckoning him to snuggle in.

Jake ran his hands up the sides of your body, his thumbs finding your erect nipples and putting a fair amount of pressure there, just as his lips found your earlobe.

“Jake” you moaned his name, and that sound he missed so much. How slyly you used to moan his name.

“Yeah, baby?” he whispered against your skin, his hands gripping your breast a little more firmly before he released his lips from your neck and moved down to your collarbone.

Your voice gradually died away as Jake's mouth descended your skin in slow, wet kisses, his tongue tracing a teasing path down the middle of your breast. His breathing made a point of getting heavy with every line of saliva he left against your skin, the heat building there and intensifying between your legs.

“Fuck” you moaned as his tongue flicked across your nipple, the tip circling a few times before he took it all in his mouth. Sucking and making it even more sensitive with every warm touch of his tongue and the light scrape of his teeth on it. Jake's attention took turns on each of your breasts, leaving enough of a mark for you to remember him when you got dressed for the wedding a few days later. Or when you came home to take a shower, looking at your chest and the amount of hickeys he was leaving.

You arched your back and, with some difficulty, pulled the rest of your dress down to your feet to get rid of the fabric that was now bothering you so much. The amount of clothing was unbearable for you as Jake settled further between your legs, still sucking on your nipples.

“Jake, please” you practically begged him as he looked more and more hungry with his mouth on your nipple. Circling his tongue and letting go with a low, teasing pop, raising his face to meet yours.

“Do you want it as much as I do?” he asked, his voice hoarse and low, his lips red and shiny from the amount of saliva that had been smeared across your breast.

“I want it, very much” if he kept teasing you, you'd be pathetic enough to cry out for him and ask him to fuck you right there.

Fortunately Jake understood you so well and you knew he couldn't stand teasing you for so long, even more so with the hunger and thirst he'd been teasing and kissing you with minutes ago. He didn't want to waste any time, lifting his shirt over his head without bothering to remove the buttons, the zipper of his pants came down in seconds and he quickly removed the fabric along with his underwear. Jake didn't want to wait any longer.

He went back between your legs, sliding his hands up and down your thighs. Caressing the soft skin he had felt for so long. Nostalgia washed over him with every touch, going down to your hips to grab the fabric of your panties, throwing them on the floor as quickly as he did his clothes.

“Y/n, we—” you kissed his lips, not letting him finish saying anything. You knew Jake would explain himself, say something to try and comfort you from what you'd felt for so long. But the heat of the moment demanded that he just be inside you. And that's what you did. Holding his cock and pumping slowly, you heard Jake moan against your lips, his brow furrowed as you rubbed the head of his cock against your pussy lips to gather the perfect amount of your juices.

Jake arched his hips against your hand, feeling his cock get wet with the union of your arousal and his pre-cum, without having to worry about preparing you or anything. It was also because of the rush you were both in to feel each other, but he wanted to make sure he didn't hurt you, and the way you were calmly taking it all in was driving Jake crazy.

“I don't want to hurt you” he whispered when you stopped teasing him and stopped rubbing the head of his cock all over your pussy. Jake's cock was already wet enough and you were already more than lubricated, he wasn't going to hurt you.

“You won't hurt me, I promise” you whispered with your lips close to his, without kissing him, waiting for Jake to take the next step between the two of you.

As if it were a communication just by looking, as soon as Jake leaned his forehead against yours, he understood that it had to be done. So you thrust your hips slowly, feeling your entrance suck the head of his cock. Just the tip penetrating you was enough to make you moan, pressing your lips against Jake's and bending your body over the table. He wrapped his arms around you, gripping your body between his arms, afraid that you would run away at that moment. Afraid that everything you were both experiencing would be thrown away and that maybe it was Jake's dream, where he dozed off in the fitting room opposite yours, idealizing what was happening.

But no, it was all real. He was slowly penetrating you, gripping your body between his arms and feeling your arms around his neck, as if you needed to steady yourself just by hugging him.

Reaching the bottom, with his cock completely inside you, Jake didn't let go of your embrace. He moved his hips slowly, withdrawing his cock and leaving just the tip inside you, only to return slowly and intensely until his cock was inside your pussy. The movement of your hips became constant, and the sound of the moans that the two of you shared in whispers gave the moment even more intensity. Jake was careful not to go too fast and hard because the way you squeezed his cock showed how sensitive your pussy was to receiving him back.

“You don't know…” Jake sucked a moan from your mouth, pressing his forehead to yours when a particularly intense movement hit you, making the head of his cock touch your spongy spot and your walls tighten around it. Jake could have sworn he was going to come right then and there, but he had to stop himself, he didn't want to finish yet “You don't know how much I've missed this… How much I've missed you.”

Your fingernails scratched Jake's shoulder blades, making the thrust forceful as his skin burned a little. You bit his lower lip, stopping yourself from moaning loudly so that the whole store could hear the two of you. Your legs wrapped even tighter around Jake's moving hips, giving him no room to pull away for even a second.

“I've missed you, Jake” your hips were now moving along with his, but slowly, while Jake was intensifying his thrusts, wanting you to feel every moment of his cock moving in and out of you. Withdrawing his cock slowly and putting it back in just as slowly, going hard only at the end so that the head of his cock touched your cervix or you felt every rise in your walls with his size “I've missed you so much.”

Jake could cum with the intensity of your gaze, your fucked-up expression, and how you moaned his name as you said those things. He knew that anything you did while he had his cock buried in you was a reason for him to come, and he didn't want to hold back any longer.

With a silent request, Jake kissed your lips and moved his hands down between your bodies in the small space you left between the two of you. His fingers soon found your clitoris and he circled it at the same speed as his cock moved in and out of you.

You could see stars with the double sensation, your body writhing between Jake's arms as his thrusts began to pick up speed. He was close to cumming and you weren't much different, you knew him well enough for that. You both knew each other's bodies that well.

“I need you to cum with me, please” Jake asked against your lips, his cock driving in a little harder, along with his fingers circling your clit a little faster.

Without the strength to say anything, you just agreed and continued to move your hips so that you were in sync with Jake and what he was doing. Your hands grabbed his hair, keeping Jake's mouth close enough to yours and catching his tongue between your lips. Sucking on his tongue with the same intensity as your pussy swallowed his cock was divine, Jake was losing count of how many times he came with this sensation. Being swallowed by your pussy and your mouth sucking his tongue just like you used to suck his cock.

He could hear you moaning his name in a muffled way, your lips around the tip of his tongue and your pussy swallowing more and more of him. A precise circle on your clit along with his cock moving in and out was enough to make the knot in your stomach burst. Your pussy convulsed, and your walls fluttered around his entire length, cumming all over Jake's cock. The heat of your pussy, the oozing of your cum, and the way you moaned his name over and over were too much for him to bear, and not a second later Jake's jets of hot, thick cum spurted into your pussy.

His thrusts became more and more erratic and sloppy as he still came inside your completely fucked pussy, pushing his cum that threatened to fall out of your hole by the amount he had cum in so long. You were still sensitive and the overstimulation wasn't bad, although you felt like crying at the way Jake still kept his cock in you, moving in and out until your pussy milked the last drop out of him.

Jake rested his hands on either side of your body, next to your hips on the table. With his cock still inside you and his body still between your legs. He opened his eyes slowly to find your face calm and serene, your expression a little more relaxed than before.

“Jake…” you whispered, not wanting him to pull away from you.

“Yes?” he said in the same tone, one of his hands coming up to push your hair out of your face. He shifted his gaze down your body, the sheen of the light layer of sweat forming against your skin, your hips still joined without the strength to separate. The skin of his chest covered by the marks of his mouth made him smile with satisfaction at his work.

“Can we stay like this for a few minutes?” your request made his heart race, even though it had been racing since the first second you two kissed in that fitting room.

“As long as you want” he moved a little closer, giving you a small kiss on the forehead before placing his forehead against yours. Not wanting to leave your side even after the post-orgasm sensation had passed.

The rest of the days passed like a blur, and not because you or Jake were avoiding each other after what happened. But because time got too short it seemed like more things were happening until the big day. You and he didn't seem to mind each other's presence while you had to sort things out, the tiredness of the final preparations giving way to each other's bodies while all you could think about was getting it over with.

You could breathe a sigh of relief after walking in with Jake at Josie and Heeseung's wedding, listening to the whole ceremony in silence and admiration. Smiling at the vows of the two newlyweds and holding back the tears that threatened to fall. Finally, it was over and you could proudly say that you had been a great godmother. That your brother and sister-in-law had been right to appoint you and Jake to that role.

Now, enjoying the post-wedding party was the only thing on your mind. The glass was freshly filled with booze for the fourth time, the empty hand resting on Susan's shoulder as she hugged Josie's waist, humming the song that was playing throughout the huge hall. This is what you three thought it would be like. Drunk, happy, and laughing as you remember how you met. The time you shared and how much your friendship meant to each other.

“Even though Y/n is my sister-in-law now” Josie swallowed a drunken sob, smiling as she pulled you into a hug with Susan “you two will always be my heart sisters.”

“Is that supposed to make us sentimental?” Susan asked.

“Is it working?” Josie retorted.

It might work because you all already had a fair amount of alcohol in your system, considering how long you'd been here after the ceremony. You still spent time with Heeseung, congratulating your brother and warning him to take good care of Josie. Although he was your brother, your brotherhood with her was strong enough for you to take her away from their house, which hadn't even been furnished yet. With Susan's help, the two of you would take Josie away without a second thought in case Heeseung did something to her. Even though you knew it would never happen.

After a few minutes of exchanging warm, sentimental words, laughing until your belly ached, and refilling your glasses, the three of you broke away from the hugs to go around the party in search of something different for the next few minutes before meeting up again. Josie would go after Heeseung or your mother because she wanted to talk to her new daughter-in-law. Susan would go after Sunghoon, for sure. She missed her boyfriend, who would probably be hanging around the party clutching Heeseung's tie and collecting funny nicknames for the newlywed. Your mind immediately wandered to Jake, thinking that you could go after him and just talk about what happened, maybe. But your feet were killing you enough that you didn't even consider the idea of going out, so you walked over to the nearest table to sit down.

“Can I join you?” your gaze lifted to the person in front of you, smiling when you noticed Haechan's presence.

“Sure, join me” he smiled back at you, taking off his blazer and putting it on the back of his chair before sitting down. You could tell by the lazy sound that came from his lips how exhausted he looked.

“Getting around with your brother and Sunghoon wasn't an easy task” he grumbled, his fingers lightly massaging his left temple as he looked around. Looking for one of his friends or even his girlfriend.

“Are they giving you much trouble?” you asked.

“Enough that Sunghoon and Jake made him almost undress three times” Haechan said, making you laugh.

“Hey, I didn't do anything like that!” the defense in Jake's voice took you by surprise, and both you and Haechan looked in the direction of the slowly approaching voice. At the beginning of the party, Jake looked impeccable. His hair, which he had let grow – because Josie had asked him to, wanting his brother to have an impeccable hairstyle for her wedding – had been slicked back with a little gel, and was now disheveled and messy. The first two buttons of his shirt were open and Jake's tie was completely loosened, but still around his neck. The typical scene of how relaxed he was, but not to the point of getting drunk like you were starting to.

“You'll have to fight with your sister if her husband gets naked in front of everyone” Haechan defended, having his train of thought interrupted by him making Jake laugh. The sound of laughter calmed every cell in your body.

You noticed that he was a little more relaxed, smiling at some of the things Haechan said to him while you switched off a little. Your focus was now on the heel you were trying to take off and how much your feet might scream if they could talk. Without much delay, you unbuckled your heels and took them off, leaving them in a corner under your chair.

“But seriously, this wedding is just the way you two wanted it, isn't it?” your attention returned to the two boys talking right in front of you. Jake slyly pulled out a chair to sit next to you and his gaze ran down to where you were futilely trying to massage your feet.

“In every detail” he smiled at Haechan “Heeseung tries to deny that it was all my sister's doing, but we know he wanted it that way too” seeing how much Jake knew your brother was very gratifying, to know that someone understood him as much as you did.

At some point in the conversation, you found yourself looking between the two of them as they talked about how nice it was to be friends with Heeseung. At the time in college when Haechan wanted to join the soccer team and almost didn't get accepted because he had missed the time to introduce himself to the boys. Jake had his full attention on him, listening to every word while his hands thought differently, running down your calf until they caught your ankle. Without saying a word to you and without looking in your direction, he picked up your foot and placed it on his lap. The fingers lightly squeezing the sole of your foot almost made you moan at how good it felt, how much you needed that silent massage from Jake.

“One relationship I also admire is the two of you” Haechan pointed at you and Jake. Your eyes quickly met his for a split second, Jake's fingers stopped just as Haechan smiled, and then he went back to massaging your feet.

“Why?” Jake asked for you, knowing that his concentration was on the pain that was leaving, and how his body was slightly tense from the question.

“Because even after you broke up, you two carried on as friends” Haechan sounded dreamy as he said that little bit of admiration, even if it wasn't true. That the image you and Jake passed on to your friends was false, because you and he weren't friends, you never were. The war footing you two were on was hell on earth and neither of you knew how you were surviving until the present moment “I don't know if I'd be able to be friends with Stacy if the two of us broke up.”

There was a brief pause when Haechan spotted one of his friends with two glasses in his hand. He asked for one, even though the guy wasn't a waiter, but he smiled and handed it to him, asking if you and Jake wanted one too. Denying it and thanking you both, Jake smiled at him and let Haechan take a good sip of his drink.

“How long have you and Stacy been together?” Jake asked, not knowing the origin or the reason for all this. Maybe it was to get away from the attention his friend had given to your relationship, but he just wanted to deflect it and do everything he could to keep you away from him.

“Since college” he replied, taking another sip of his drink “our relationship is a little crazy.”

Jake knew you were looking at him at that moment, he could feel the weight of your gaze almost smoking on the back of his neck while his gaze was on Haechan.

“Tell me about it, I never knew” Jake prodded.

You didn't know why he was doing it. Whether it was to torture you for talking about Stacy so freely in front of him or whether he wanted to talk to Haechan, who barely knew that you had almost broken his girlfriend's nose in college.

“Well, we started going out after a fraternity party, it wasn't anything serious at first” he shrugged, the unfinished drink in his glass now playing between his fingers and a small smile on his lips.

Haechan talked about his and Stacy's relationship carefully, as if the image she had made of herself to him was a version you had never met. But then your ears perked up a little more when he got to a particular moment in the story.

“Dude, I… Y/n, do you mind if I say that?” Haechan looked at you, noticing that the story was taking a turn that only boys could be interested in.

“Not at all” you tried to smile at him, almost grimacing at the way it had come out “I'm just focusing on my massage” you pointed downwards where Jake's hands were still occasionally squeezing your feet. He laughed and continued, looking at Jake this time.

“I went crazy when we started dating because Oliver talked about Stacy's fame and for the first few weeks I wanted to prove whether it was true or not.”

Stacy's fame in college was her cute lingerie, the famous – and hated by you – pink bow bra. It wasn't necessarily fame because she made a point of showing part of her bra with a tank top during training and it had even been proven by those who slept with her. It wouldn't be a fame if they already had proof.

“When I saw it, I made a point of… spicing up our relationship at the beginning, to prove that she wanted it and that it wasn't the same with everyone.”

“And how did you get her to prove it?” Jake asked Haechan.

“Oh, you know” he leaned back in his chair, stretching as much as he could and almost yawning, but he wasn't sleepy enough for that “I asked her to leave a bra in my closet on the day of the game.”

Jake was the first to make eye contact with you as if he'd expected that answer or any reaction to it. Your eyes sought his and, a few seconds later, you looked at Haechan.

“What day was that?” you asked “I mean… what game?”

“The last friendly we had against the University of the South” he looked nostalgic as he recalled one of the last games he'd played in a university shirt “I told her to leave it in my locker and then we'd celebrate under the shower, you know.”

You didn't know what it was like because you were disgusted to do anything in the university's men's locker room, but that didn't stop you from finding Jake and going home with him to celebrate. That's how you ended up in the locker room on that fateful day.

“Y/n, are you okay?” Haechan asked after a while. He was still talking to Jake about something you didn't even know you wanted to hear right now, your mind was racing. If Stacy had done that in Jake's locker, what story had she told Haechan to make him think he was the only one who had received a pink bow bra in his locker?

“Excuse me” you asked, taking your feet off Jake's lap so quickly that he didn't even have time to hold you or ask where you were going.

A lot of questions were running through your mind at that moment, for example, how Stacy was managing to cope with a lie that she maintained even after the encounter you two had? Even after you hit her and cursed at her even though she was dating Haechan after everything. While you maintained that Jake was the liar in all this, the big liar was there all along.

You didn't know what you were doing, but the next thing you knew, your feet were leading you in the direction where Stacy was. Near the bar and away from the many people at the party, she was chatting with Susan and Sunghoon as if she had been friends with them for years. Although you knew that your friend and her boyfriend were very polite, you didn't like the closeness she was trying to force.

“Hey, Y/n” Sunghoon was the first to see you coming, his smile showing the fangs that you heard Susan sigh almost all the time. He waved at you without a response, only to see you advance towards Stacy as soon as you got close enough.

“You slut!” your hands grabbed the fabric of her dress, almost tearing it with how hard you were squeezing.

“Let me go, you're hurting me” she whimpered, feeling your nails dig a little deeper into her skin as you gripped her dress even tighter.

“So you've been lying all this time, have you?” you pushed her away when you felt Susan's hands pulling at you, wanting to push you away from Stacy, but unable to put that much force into your actions. She was drunk enough not to be able to separate you as she normally did. Then she looked in Sunghoon's direction, searching for some kind of help.

“Lied about what?” she asked.

“Don’t play dumb!” you yelled, but your voice couldn’t be heard the way you wanted to by the people around you, only Stacy and Susan were able to hear how loud you were talking because of how close you were. “That day at the game, Jake’s locker. Tell the truth, you slut—”

Sometimes you had the slight impression that your brother arrived at the worst times, like in a suspenseful scene from your favorite series, or when you and your mother wanted to listen to the neighbors’ fights and Heeseung slammed the door right when one of them told you something very important. And like now, when you were about to live the nostalgic moment of punching Stacy right in the nose, but your brother’s hands were quick enough to grab you and pull you away from her.

“What’s going on?” he asked, standing between the two of you and facing you “Hey, sis, look at me.”

“Let me go or I’ll finish her off.”

“You’re not going anywhere” Heeseung said. His eyes searched for something behind you and when he found it, you didn’t even need to turn around to know that Sunghoon had gone after Jake and Josie.

“What’s going on here? Are you okay?” Josie asked as she looked at Heeseung and you, but when her eyes landed on Stacy, some of her sobriety returned. She knew that this could happen at the party and was already preparing for some argument between the two of you, she just didn’t know it would be practically halfway through the night.

“I… I was at the bar talking to Susan and Sunghoon when Y/n arrived and—”

“Oh, for God's sake, stop your shitty little act” you snapped, almost advancing on her if it weren’t for Heeseung’s strength still holding you in place. Your brother didn’t move an inch until Jake took his place, standing in front of you and holding you. On another occasion, you would be cursing him and not wanting Jake to touch you, but seeing him there at that moment seemed to make all the difference.

“Stacy, love, what’s going on here?” when she heard Haechan’s voice, Stacy seemed to freeze in place. She looked at him with wide eyes and rapid breathing, perhaps even more than before when the two of you almost argued.

She found herself between a rock and a hard place now, maintaining that lie was no longer hers and she knew that sooner or later it should have been said. Stacy just didn’t know why it had taken so long.

“I… I think I did something wrong and…” you couldn’t swallow her fake crying and the sobs that threatened to come out of the girl’s lips who, with the help of her boyfriend, took a step forward to tell the whole story to your friends.

Hearing all of that from the point of view of the one who had caused you the most pain only made your blood boil even more. You – and the entire campus – knew how much Stacy always bragged about getting with every guy she wanted, with only Heeseung and Sunghoon being the only ones under the radar, she wanted to be content with that. But when she found out that Jake, besides being on the soccer team, was coveted for dating the team captain's sister… Oh, she wanted him. It was impossible to get him, but she would do anything to try anything and get with Jake at least one thing. It was then that she had the brilliant idea of ​​replicating Haechan's wish.

The friendly match against the southern university was packed, with everyone on campus stopping to watch the match and cheer for the team. You and your friends weren't much different, wanting to see the boys and supporting them at all costs. Unfortunately, Stacy heard how lovingly you told Jake that you would wait for him after the game in the locker room to get his things and go home.

“Can you get my shirt from my locker? I left it open, you can wear it, it's for good luck in my game today. Then I want to take you out of here” his locker would be open, and fitting like a glove, Haechan's idea could serve Jake at that moment. Stacy would put her bra in his locker, let you think whatever you wanted and then she would go on with her life as if nothing had happened. She did that and took off the bra she was wearing to put in Haechan's locker, so she wouldn't waste time because she didn't know if you would throw the fabric away or if you would confront her. She found herself in the unfortunate decision of having the latter option two days later.

“You already got revenge on me for that day and I apologize to you.” Stacy felt her eyes burning, she was embarrassed for being caught and confronted at a wedding party she didn’t even know why she had gone to. She thought that not telling him she was Haechan’s girlfriend would be the best choice to see the faces of familiar people once again since no one had kept in touch with her besides her boyfriend.

“Did you get revenge on her? What did you do?” Jake looked at you with furrowed eyebrows, doubt in his expression, and his lips in a cute pout. If it weren’t for the current situation, you would have kissed him for sure.

“I didn’t do anything” you said softly, just so he could hear. But Stacy didn’t listen, so she kept talking.

“She hit me in the hallway of the north block a few days later” she sighed “Almost broke my nose.”

“What?” Sunghoon shouted in surprise “So our last fraternity party… The injury on your nose…”

“It wasn’t a cheerleader stunt” she continued.

A short silence fell between you all, only the music of the party and Stacy’s small sobs could be heard. You could notice how much Josie was trying to calm the situation and disperse the people so that everyone could enjoy the rest of the party.

Your gaze went up to Jake’s face and he was expressionless now. The astonishment that had taken over had given way to a neutral look, but it contained something that you couldn’t identify. Remorse? Fear? Anger?

“Jake…” you called him without knowing why you were doing that. He was still looking at you with the same expression, not even softening at the sound of your voice.

“Can we talk later?” he asked, his tone serious, but somehow trying to sound a little calm for your liking “I’ll take you home and then we can talk, okay?”

There was no way you could insist or say no, just accept it because you didn't even know why you wanted to talk to him at that moment. Everything had hit you like a blow, and just like you, Jake might need some time to cool down and talk to you at the end of the party.

Waving slowly, you watched him walk away as Haechan pulled Stacy away and the others walked through the party until it was just you and him left there. Or just you, as soon as Jake walked away and walked to the bar to get something to drink. So, you allowed yourself to release all the air you were holding, refusing to cry after reality hit your mind and heart.

You believed a lie for all that time. And there was no going back now.

Jake tried to loosen his grip on the steering wheel, but his firm grip on the leather showed how nervous he still was. Spending the rest of the party brooding over everything that had happened, in addition to seeing how shaken you were by it all, made him feel even worse. He thought he would be fine after you heard that he had never cheated on you, that you had believed a lie… But he didn't feel good. Jake seemed to feel even worse after seeing how bad you were.

That was why, when he guided you to the car to take you home after the party was over, he preferred to stay quiet and let you be quiet too. The whole drive was in complete silence, with the only sounds being the car engine and the city's movements in the early morning. Occasionally Jake would look in your direction to see if you had fallen asleep or if you were okay, checking on you or waiting for you to look at him too. The only time your eyes met his was when you pulled up to your apartment, Jake turning off the car engine as soon as he parked in the parking lot of your building.

He didn't have to ask if you wanted him to come with you, because you got out first and left the keys with him, as a silent request that he could go up with you. And Jake did just that. From the hallways of the building to the elevator, going to your floor in the most absolute silence. Maybe even more than when the two of you were inside the car.

He turned the keys when you both reached your door, letting you enter first and leading the way in the small darkness that formed inside your apartment. After locking the door, Jake took off his shoes and threw his blazer next to the hanger by the door to make himself a little more comfortable as he followed you to the kitchen still without saying a word.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Jake asked for the first time since the two of you left the party after the wedding. Your eyes followed his figure who was standing in the doorway, leaning one shoulder against the wood as he looked in your direction.

“I think…” you sighed, looking around after Jake held your gaze. Feeling a little shy from the intensity with which he was looking at you “I’ll make some coffee and…”

“I’ll make the coffee” Jake interrupted you slowly “Go upstairs and put on something more comfortable” he tried to sound a little softer with you, but there was still a hint of seriousness in his voice that you recognized. A palpable tension that he finally had the whole truth exposed, he just didn’t know how to act after all.

You wouldn't deny it, especially since your feet were almost killing you from the pain from the moment you took off your heels in the middle of the party. You definitely wanted to take off that silk from your clothes, even though they were so comfortable that you danced all night without worrying. But at that moment, your body just needed other fabrics. So you quickly went to your room, passing by Jake without looking at him because you knew that if that happened, there would be no way to go back or simply remember to change your clothes.

As soon as you got to your room, the first thing you did was slide the dress down your body and leave it lying anywhere on the floor. The air blowing against your almost naked skin was a soothing balm for everything you had witnessed in the last few hours. When you got to the bathroom, looking at your appearance in the mirror, Jake's idea of ​​taking a shower didn't seem so bad after all. Turning on the shower and letting the water run wasn't a thought you were reluctant to do, it had to be done. Getting all the dirt, sweat, and exhaustion off your body, both for the fun and for the mix of sensations and how sore and tired you felt. The pain in your feet went away as you squeezed them – not as gently as Jake did – with the help of the soap and hot water. Everything goes down the drain minutes later: dirt, tiredness, and a bit of sadness.

Quickly drying yourself, you grabbed a pair of old sweatpants that belonged to Heeseung and that you never let him take possession of. They belonged to you since the day you put them on by mistake at your parent's house when you and he still lived there since then those pants became yours and no one would say otherwise. For the top, the only comfortable thing you could wear was a sports bra. Without the clinging fabric of a t-shirt on your torso, you wanted something breathable and that would make you feel freer, this was perfect.

“Time to take off my makeup” you muttered to yourself after you had finished changing properly, looking in the mirror to find your mascara slightly smudged and the red lipstick already coming off your lips. You remembered the tireless hours you spent with Josie and Susan at the beauty salon that same day, in the early hours of the morning. Not even thinking that you would have to take it off at the end of it all, ending up with a beautiful job, even though you felt like you couldn’t keep your makeup on for so long.

Taking the cotton and the makeup remover, you moistened the cute object to wipe your face and, before doing so, looked at your reflection once more. Something in your mind made you think of everything besides the time you had taken to put on your makeup and get ready for the wedding. That had been the makeup for your brother and sister-in-law’s most important day, but it was also with that makeup that you faced the biggest event of your life. With that mascara on your eyes, you were able to witness the lies that Stacy had told you for so long. It was with that lipstick on your lips that you cursed her, and with all that makeup on you stared at people and saw Jake's gaze on you all night. Without being able to decipher, what he was feeling.

Everything, at that moment, was a shock and you only realized that you were crying and looking at your reflection when your vision blurred and you heard Jake calling you in the background. His hurried steps through the room before Jake's figure stopped right at the bathroom door.

“Is everything okay? Are you hurt?” the desperation in your tone, the look in Jake’s eyes as he turned you around, making you face him. This made you cry even more. Your mouth opened and closed to say something, but nothing came out, just silent sobs as you let the tears fall freely down your cheeks. “Hey… What happened?” he asked again.

“I just—” you sobbed again “I ruined everything.”

Jake’s hands found their way to your waist in a matter of seconds, bringing your body close to his in just enough space for him to tilt his face and be close to yours. Without saying a single word, he looked deep into your eyes, letting you shed as many tears as you thought necessary. His fingers held tightly to your skin and, with a small push, he picked you up and placed you sitting on the bathroom counter.

“Ruined what, exactly?” he asked, taking the cotton from your hand. Jake wet the makeup remover again and straightened up between your legs to take off your makeup for you. A few days ago, this position between the two of you yielded something beyond what was happening, and butterflies in your stomach hit you at the thought of it. But there he was, with the utmost sweetness and affection, carefully passing the cotton pad over the entire length of your face. Completely the opposite of what he had done to you last time.

“Us” you answered when Jake passed the cotton pad over one of your eyes, forcing you to close it so he could remove the mascara. You heard him sigh right in front of you, the air blowing against your face due to Jake’s proximity to you.

The silence that settled between you was strangely comfortable. Now and then your sobs could still be heard as you tried to normalize your breathing and stop crying. Jake was completely focused on wetting the cotton pads, removing your makeup, and making sure you were clean and comfortable enough. Once everything was over and he threw the rest of the things in the trash, he remained with his body still between your legs.

“You didn’t ruin us” he finally replied, his hands resting on your thighs instead of touching the marble of the bathroom sink. Jake’s fingers, although blocked by the sweatpants you were wearing, were a warm and comfortable touch. Something you missed and only realized the last time the two of you had a little more contact.

“Of course” your eyes burned again and your vision became blurry again. Jake’s figure in front of you was like a blur when you felt like you were going to cry again. “I spent all this time thinking that you—”

He knew what you would say, but he didn’t want to hear it out loud. It was a past completely behind him, one that Jake didn’t want to dig up and much less make you remember. So the only way for it to end was when he touched your lips with his. A soft kiss, placing his mouth on yours and slowly sliding the tip of his tongue along your lower lip. It didn't take long for your passage to be accepted, letting him guide the kiss while one of his hands came up to hold your face. He held you in his hands with such care, kissing you and making you feel every little touch.

That should have calmed you down, but it made you shed the tears that still insisted on appearing. Jake felt each one of them between the kiss you shared, each time softer and slower, the movement of your tongues in sync as he let you feel each small slide of his mouth against yours. When you both needed to compose yourself, Jake pulled his lips away from yours enough so that you could both breathe. Still keeping your mouths closed and the tip of his nose brushing against yours.

“You know what?” Jake said, still breathless and a little hoarse. You just murmured in agreement, letting him continue his train of thought “When we started dating, one of the first things Heeseung told me was that you were the most stubborn person I would ever meet in my life.”

“Really?” you opened your eyes in shock, staring at Jake who was still between your legs. His lips reddened and smiling at you.

“Really” he kissed your lips once more, his hand still on your face caressing your cheek and sliding his thumb to your lower lip “What happened in that locker room was shitty and I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I just…” he took a deep breath, his hands finding their place back on your waist. “I needed time until I made you listen to me. I would never rest until I knew I would never do that to you.”

It was your turn to pull Jake into a soft kiss, just to feel his mouth against yours again. The slow, calm slide of his mouth against yours before you pulled away.

“Do you forgive me for being so stubborn? For wasting our time?”

“I have nothing to forgive you for, baby” Jake took a few steps back, his mischievous smile making your heart race a little faster than usual. “By the way, I have something for you.”

“For me? What is it?” you asked.

“I’ll be right back” Without giving you a chance to answer, Jake ran out of the bathroom, leaving you still sitting on the sink counter. You decided to go downstairs and walk to your room, trying to think of what he could have for you. It couldn’t be coffee, because the cup he brought was resting on the nightstand on your side of the bed. Running to the bathroom while you were crying made him completely forget about the drink there, maybe it had even gone cold. You didn’t care, after all.

Jake’s footsteps were heard on the other side of the door and, before you could walk a little further and open it, he did it himself. One hand was hidden behind his back as he entered your room.

“What’s all this suspense, Jake Sim?” you raised an eyebrow at him, skeptical about all the mystery surrounding the two of you. Jake chuckled softly, walking slowly but nervously towards you until he stopped right in front of you.

“I bought this because I knew I could give it to you one day” he said softly, not quite a whisper, but his tone was still soft. Jake’s eyes were focused on every corner of your face, wanting to convey a little of everything the two of you had shared so far. Or at least try to understand a little of the emotion he felt after everything that had happened.

He pulled away until he showed you what he was holding and, as soon as you saw the only orchid he had between his fingers, you almost cried for the third time that night.

“Jake…”

“It was the flower of our relationship, I—” he held it out to you, letting you take it and smell it as you always did with every orchid he gave you over the years. The characteristic smile that showed you were truly surprised, but without a single word to express what you were feeling. While your free hand went to his face and caressed Jake's cheek, the skin against your fingers so soft “I bought it the day we went to see things for my sister. I thought I could give it to you at some point.”

“Did you think it would be soon?” you asked.

Jake took a step forward, getting close enough to be able to hug your body with his.

“I didn't think so, but I hoped it would be. I couldn't stand being away from you anymore with all these wrong and poorly explained things” he huffed, his forehead pressed against yours when Jake's head leaned forward to get even closer to your face. You allowed yourself to laugh for the first time since you had arrived home, holding the flower tightly in one hand, while the other still held Jake's face.

“So go take a shower, take off those wedding clothes, and stay with me in bed all night.”

“Just tonight?” Jake asked, pouting. Which didn't last long because you broke it with a quick kiss.

“As long as you want…”

“I think my whole life is perfect for me” he shrugged, kissing you once more before pulling away and quickly taking off his white shirt. Both because of the shower he was looking forward to taking and because of the lack of contact with you.

Jake wanted to make up for lost time and everything you two didn't experience because of the lies that surrounded you, him, and your relationship. A silent promise that, even if you were stubborn, you would never stop believing in him again.

© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.

[xsaltburnx]

Don't leave me

Comforting Farleigh after Felix's death

Farleigh Start x female reader

a/n: I really wanted to write this because I feel like Farleigh needed someone to comfort him and tell him everything's going to be alright after he got yelled at and he definitely deserved better, poor baby, (also that's what I think the scene is about, if I got it wrong, sorry)

warning: Felix dying, swearing, everybody treating Farleigh like shit, drugs, Farleigh crying a lot

word count: 3,299

You have known Farleigh for as long as you can remember. He's always been there for you. Your rock, your shoulder to cry on, someone who knew all of your secrets and all your problems, always ready to help you. Even if it was 4 pm or 4 am, you called and he was there.

And you were always there for him. Even though most of the times you two were on different continents and hours and miles away from each other, you never let something like that ruin what you two had. Then things started getting a lot easier because Farleigh came to live in England and since then you were inseperable. Yes, you did spend quite some time at Saltburn even when Farleigh wasn't here because you were really good friends with Felix and then later met Venetia, who you've clicked with just like that. Yes, sometimes they had their own opinion on Farleigh and sometimes you hated the way they talked about him but he somehow learned how to shake that off and not take it too seriously, so you did exactly that even though deep down it hurt to listen.

When you joined Oxford university, you and Farleigh became even closer and you eventually fell in love with him. You kept it a secret for quite some time because you were afraid to talk about your feelings because you didn't want to lose him. He was your home and you weren't planning on losing that, but luckily he felt the same and that was it. He was everything you always wanted and you swore you would never let him go or do anything that would harm him or let him battle his problems alone. No fucking way.

Everything was going great. You finished another year at Oxford, celebration obviously planned there and then later at Saltburn. Summer was about to begin and you had a feeling this summer was going to be one to remember. And oh boy it was.. but for very different reasons.

"Hey baby." Farleigh walked into your dorm, closing the door behind him, his arms immedistely wrapping around your body, hugging you from behind. "Did you finish packing?" He aks gently as he looked around the room, your clothes still splatered across the floor and your bed, messier than the first night you came here.

"Shut up." You playfully hit his arm as you heard him chuckle in your ear, his lips connecting with the top of your head in a gentle kiss. "I still have so much to do, I'll never make it in time."

"Yes you will, I'll wait for you, you know I'm not leaving." He spun you around, his hands resting on your waist as he pulled you closer and hugged you tightly, one of those as you called them grizly bear hugs.

"Then help me pack?" You batted your eyelashes at him and made a pouty face, hoping it would work.

"Oh no, that's not fair, don't do that, you know I can't resis that face" He said and kissed your lips swiftly, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. "Of course I'll help."

"Is anybody else coming with us?" You asked while folding your t-shirts, placing them neatly inside your suitcase.

"Oliver fucking Quick." Farleigh trailed off.

"What?" You quickly turned around to look at him, unsure if you heard that correctly. You obviously didn't like him, I mean Fekix though he was a very inspiring person but you and Farleigh? You didn't get the hype and always held him on his toes.

"Yeah, Felix invited him. I don't know why, something about him not wanting to go home because of his parents."

"Do Elspeth and James know that?" You asked, crossing your arms.

"Yes, apparently Elspeth is extremely excited to meet him. That'll be interesting." Farleigh closed one of your bags and placed it on his shoulder. "Damn, what do you have in here, rocks?"

"Very funny, no, all the vibrators you gave me." You said, laughing, seriousness washed over his face.

"Oh really?" He dropped the bag on the floor and grabbed your waist, hoisting your body up on his shoulder, his large hand smacking you on the ass. Your laugh echoed throughout the room, probably audible outside too, but that's how Farleigh always wanted you to be. Such beautiful laughter, it was like music to his ears, like daisies adorning a beautiful meadow. He gently put you down on the bed and laid on top of you, his thumb caressing your soft cheek.

"I love you." He whispered, a special kind of sparkle in his eyes, a smile plastered on his face.

"I love you too, Farleigh." His hot breath washed over your face, his lips slightly brushed yours before he kissed you gently, a moment of bliss before the big storm.

~ ° * ° ~

Summer at Saltburn? Always crazy and busy, but the busy part? Partying and laying out on the freshly cut grass or swimming in the pool. That was all you did there every summer. Not a bad life, you always thought to yourself, but sometimes it was nice to go back to reality and to a real life.You'd be lying if you said you didn't get used to this kind of life, the glamour, the dinner parties, dressing up,it was quite fun to a certain point. When it was too much, you and Farleigh packed your bags and left for a week or two, all alone, away from all of it. But to someone, this life was inviting them in more and more as each day passed.

And then the Cattons decided to throw Oliver a birthday party. 200 people? 300? You lost count. I mean if it's a party then it's a great idea, but for the entire night Farleigh had a very strange feeling about everything that night. He watched Oliver just skulk around almost every room in the house, people not paying too much attention to him. Most of them only knew him as "the birthday boy" but only a few of them knew his actual name. There was something strange about him, Farleigh always kept an eye on him.

...and he was right...

Around 11 am you felt someone shaking your body, trying to wake you up. You opened your eyes and saw Farleigh standing in front of you and you immediately knew something was wrong. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking, his mannerisms completely different than how he usually is.

"What is it?" You asked and instantly sat up on the bed, fear in your eyes and in your voice, your heart suddenly picking up its pace, a sudden wave of ringing filling up your ears.

"Felix is missing." Farleigh trailed off.

"What?" You quickly got up and didn't even bother to put on shoes. You ran outisde and saw Venetia in the water, walking around, waving her hands underwater. You ran towards her with Farleigh, both of you joining her, hoping he's not in here and that he's fine. Then you heard a gut wrenching scream coming from the maze. You looked at Farleigh and instantly felt tears well up in your eyes. You shook your head and walked as quickly as possible to the edge, climbed and got up, the three of you running towards the maze.

You knew the maze like the back of your hand so it was easy to get to the center, but at that moment you wish that you could just get lost in there because what you all saw was something you would never be able to forget as it was buried inside you mind very deeply.

Felix was laying there on his stomach, golden wings still attached to his back. His body a pale colour, almost a hint of blue, his beautiful eyes now without that incredible spark that you got so used to seeing. His lifeless body was something you never thought you would have to see in your life nor did you want to but for some reason you couldn't look away.

Venetia, you and Farleigh fell to your knees, grasping onto one another, looking for comfort as tears just started coming out, the pain in your chest unlike anything you've ever experienced before. It was as if someone ripped out your heart, a huge hole right in the middle of your chest. Your ears started ringing and you felt like you were going to pass out. You suddenly felt like you weren't on this planet anymore, completely disoriented and if Farleigh and Venetia weren't grasping onto your body, you don't know how you would have dealt with this alone. You let out a loud scream, your chest convulsing from all the sobs that kept coming out of your body.

You don't know how or when you got up, left the maze and changed your clothes or when on earth did everybody gather for lunch, but there you were, sitting at the table with James, Elspeth, Venetia, Farleigh, oh and yes, of course, Oliver.

The curtains shut as the room plunged into darkness, making it look red like blood, not a hint of daylight. It somehow looked terrifying and gruesome, very unpleasant. You were sitting next to Farleigh, his face kind of emotionless as he kept staring at the table, not moving his gaze from the same spot. You reached out to him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it, making him snap out of his thoughts, a sob suddenly falling from his lips. On your left was an empty chair and an empty plate. Felix's spot and when you first walked in and saw it, you broke down again.

Suddenly there was a hint of a squeaking gurney on the outside, meaning they were passing the window with Felix's body and then there was a sound of doors closing. A tear rolled down your cheek as you closed your eyes, your hand suddenly slipping away from Farleigh's.

"Oh my God... May I be excused, please?" Farleigh whimpered and got up from the table, his cheeks stained with tears.

"No. We haven't finished lunch." James replied, not even looking at Farleigh.

"Lunch is cold. You want me just eat it like nothing is happening?"

"What else is there to do, darling?" Elspeth looked at him, sadness noticable in her eyes.

"Anything! Anything-" You looked at him as he screamed out, a whimper escaping your lips as tears started falling from your eyes again. The pain was unbearable and seeing Farleigh like that broke your heart and how everybody acted like nothing ever happened, like Farleigh was the only one who actually cared and the only one who saw how messed up it was that everybody was acting like this. James slammed his fists on the table, the plates clattering. You jumped, your body shook from fear, the sudden change in tone almost too much.

"Farleigh! Will you be quiet?! Sit down and eat the bloody pie! Just eat it! Eat it and shut up! Eat the bloody pie!"

Farleigh sat down and grabbed his fork, placing the pie in his mouth but unable to chew through the meat. Small pieces flew out of his mouth and onto the plate, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"You're not the only person here with feelings. None of us wants your bloody American feelings!" James trailed off and suddenly there was silence inside the room. You didn't even try to put anything in your mouth because you felt like you were going to throw up.

"I think it’s delicious." Oliver suddenly said, Farleigh snapping at him.

"What the fuck are you still doing here?" you look at Oliver and his expression and there was nothing on his face. Like he didn't care. You wiped away your tears and placed your hands in your lap.

"Wait, does no one else find it weird?.. No one else finds that weird?"

"Farleigh.." you whispered and placed your hand on top of his, your fingers grazing his in a comforting way.

"I wouldn’t throw stones if I was you, Farleigh." Oliver replied in a strict tone, a fork in his hand.

"Excuse me?"

"Please stop." Venetia sighed and said quietly.

"What is he saying?" James asked and looked at Oliver.

"I..I've no idea." Farleigh said, clearly confused what Oliver wanted to get with all of this.

"What I'm saying is that I'd feel guilty too."

"Guilty?"

"If I was the one racking up lines the night someone died."

"Fuck you." Farleigh stared back at him, cursing, only hate for Oliver in his body at that very moment.

"That's not a denial." Oliver replied as he leaned forward a little bit, his gaze moving between you and Farleigh.

"You took it too far, Oliver." You interrupted them, defending Farleigh.

"Is that true?" James asked, pale with fury. He looked towards Duncan signaling him to leave. "Search Farleigh's room."

"No." Farleigh crumpled into his chair and started sobbing. Now you were a little bit scared. Your eyes widened, not surely understanding what they were going to do about this situation. Seeing and hearing what was happening was making the situation even harder. You couldn't take your eyes off Farleigh and when you saw tears continuously welling up in his eyes, you couldn't help but start sobbing as well. Your heart was breaking.

"Get out." Sir James said angrily.

"Please, he didn't do anything.." You looked at Sir James, begging, trying to make him see that it really wasn't his fault and that he had nothing to do with all of this. Of course he didn't believe you, he didn't even acknowledge you.

"No, wait-" Farleigh whimpered and wiped away his tears with the sleeves of his jumper.

"What's happening?" Elspeth asked after wiping her mouth eith a linen cloth.

"Aunt Elspeth- Elspeth-" he said desperately but got interrupted by James.

"Don’t you dare look at her!"

Elspeth looked liked she was now ignoring Falreigh, not wanting to look at him at all. Could she ever look at him again after this? Who knows.

"Get out!"

Farleigh looked around the table, searching for somebody to look at him, to see they were making a mistake but no one looked at him except for you. Not even Oliver. He got up your hand slipped off, hanging next to your body. Your lip trembled at the sudden empty feeling, your head hung low as you kept staring at your fingers. Farleigh grabbed onto the chair, picking at the stitching.

"I won't mention this to the police. That's all you get. Nothing more. Ever again." James trailed off and that was the last thing you heard from him that night. Farleigh turned to the side and left the room, leaving you alone with the Cattons and Oliver. You wiped away your tears with the back of your hand.

"You didn't have to do this. It wasn't his fault." You snapped back at Oliver, his eyes quickly looking back at you. A hidden smirk adorned his face, a sinnister look in his eyes.

"You know he did it. He was racking up lines the whole night. Felix could've taken whatever Farleigh was using." Oliver replied, his plate now half empty. "Even when you two were fucking outside. It was like a freak show."

"Fuck you." You quickly got up and threw the linen clot on the table, your legs feeling like jello. "If you'll excuse me, I can't be in the room with someone who cares more about a fucking stranger than a member of this family."

You turned around on your heels and walked out of the room. The second you closed the doors, you let out the biggest sob, a long hallway making it echo throughout the house. You felt like you were falling apart from the inside out.

You stood outside Farleigh's room as you quietly knocked on the door, only a quiet sob audible. You silently opened the door and what you saw broke your heart completely. Farleigh was laying on the floor, his knees pulled towards his body, his arms wrapped around them as loud sobs fell from his lips.

You looked around his room and saw how big of a mess it was. Everything was scattered on the floor. His clothes, his books, all of his belongings on the floor. You bit your lip in hopes it would stop you from crying, but it didn't help.

You walked over to his sobbing figure and knelt down, your arms immediately wrapping around his body.

"Farleigh... baby.." you whispered, his body shaking.

"They think I killed him." He whispered through his cries, his tears soaking the carpet underneath him. "I didn't do it." His cries kept getting louder and it was harder for you to stay quiet because you couldn't stand him being like this, broken, like he didn't mean anything to anybody. Like it was all his fault. You wanted to fix everything and make it all okay for him because that's exactly what he deserved. He deserved better and to be treated right.

"No, Farleigh, you didn't do it. It's not your fault, please don't think that. You didn't kill Felix." You told him, your hands caressing his arms, comforting him, hoping it would help him even just a little bit.

"Now I feel like I did." He cried out, his face now buried in his hands.

"Hey, come here." You grabbed his arm and gently pulled him, moving his hands from his face. You intertwined your fingers with his and helped him sit up, his knees once more pulled towards his body. You wiped away his tears with your thumbs, gently caressing his cheeks before you cupped his face, making him look at you directly in your eyes.

"You didn't do it, why would you think that? Because of Oliver?" He just nooded and closed his eyes, a single tear rolling down his cheek. It felt like someone was sitting on your chest, the pressure and the pain in your heart from seeing Farleigh like this was unbearable.

"Fuck him, Farleigh. He's a nobody, a fucking leech and if I could get rid of him, I would. You're so much more than all of this. You deserve everything in this world and if they can't see it, fuck 'em." You trailed off, tears welling up in your eyes and your voice breaking every other word.

"Everybody is leaving me, pushing me away like I mean nothing." He sobbed and quickly got up as he started pacing around his room, his cries so loud that it seemed like he was fighting for air. You jumped up and stood there in place for a few seconds, somehow unable to move.

"Are you also going to leave me?" His voice cracked and right then he looked like a little kid. You dare to say that he looked absolutely defeated. "Please don't leave me."

A loud cry fell from your lips, his words hurting you, hurting how he thought that you would actually leave him after everything. You shook your head and practically ran towards him, your body smashing into his

You wrapped your arms around him tightly, your face buried in his chest as you sobbed quietly. His arms squeezed you, almost as if he was afraid if he held you lightly or if he let you go, you would somehow slip away.

"I will never leave you, Farleigh. I could never. You're a part of me and if I lose you, I'll lose myself. Please don't ever think that I would leave you." He kissed the top of your head, one hand still wrapped around your body while the other gently caressed your hair.

"Now let's get out of here. Okay?" You kissed him on the lips gently, his arms resting on your hips. You had to get out of this house, had to get away from Saltburn as soon as possible. The only good thing about all of this? Farleigh by your side.

"Okay."

[h0nkch0c0late]

Oh my goodness finally someone who wants to write for Gen v 😛😛 I was wondering If you could write about a really clingy reader ? Like when they went to that party in the first ep, and the reader was just clinging onto Jordan

YES ABSOLUTELY OH MY GOD. Also, apologies if this is a little skewed I've only watched episode 1 like once so far and only remember a few things AAAA.

Clingy

Jordan Li x Reader

SUMMARY: you were never one for parties, and Jordan knew that well. When you agreed to go with her this time, though, she wasn't at all surprised when you clung to them the entire night.

WARNINGS: Gen V spoilers, swearing, major fluff, drugs

----------------------------------------------------------

When it came to parties, you would rather stay in your dorm room and read a book. Which was ironic, since your partner and their friends did it on a nightly basis.

But when you had heard from Andre that he invited Marie Moreau (one of the newest freshmen to join Godolkin), you decided, "why not?" As it was a good chance to meet the girl.

So, when you found yourself in Jordan's room like usual, with her arm wrapped around your waist, body pulled close, you decided to drop what you thought was surprising news.

"I think I wanna go to tonight's party." You said, turning your head to look at them.

Jordan smirked, eyebrows furrowing together in curiosity, "oh really? Didn't take you as the party type."

You rolled your eyes, nudging her in playful annoyance as you yanked her arm off of your waist.

"Hey!" They wined, putting their arm back around but you didn't protest, only huffing at them to ensure that you were upset at their reaction (you weren't).

"I thought you'd be more surprised." You sighed, turning your body towards them as you looked down. She chuckled lightly, sitting up with you but keeping her arm around your waist.

"Why would i be surprised? You're practically attached to my hip like, all the time." She snickered.

"Yeah, but never at the parties." You shrug.

"That's because you hate people. And the whole drug thing." They pointed out with a small laugh.

"Okay, well, I'm still going."

"Good."

"Great!"

----------------------------------------------------------

As you made your way to the top of the Seven tower, you made sure to stick to Jordan's side the entire time.

And of course, Cate, Andre, and Jordan went straight for the things that get you high as fuck, snorting it right up their nostrils.

And look, it's not that you didn't WANT to do that stuff with them, it's just that you couldn't.

Here comes the irony again with the fact that your parents pumped you full of a drug when you were a baby, but whatever.

As you clung to Jordan's side, with their arm wrapped tightly around your waist as they laughed along with their friends, you watched Luke as he made his way over to Marie.

She was a nice girl, as far as you could tell. The two of you had exchanged hi's and names, a bright smile on the girl's face the entire time. You would have talked with her more had she stayed with the group, but you understood.

Your head laid against your partner's shoulder as you sighed, knowing that this was only the beginning of the party.

---------------------------------------------------------

...and you were correct!

Soon enough the six of you had entered a club, Cate taking one of her gloves off and using her powers of persuasion against the host guy that had asked for a reservation from them (to which they did not have).

Looking back at Marie as you gor dragged along by Jordan, you could see the amazement on her face at Cate's actions.

"Dont worry, you're gonna see that more often, and soon enough it won't be as impressive." You joked, saying it loud enough for Cate to hear through the crowd.

She turned around, her eyebrows furrowed, "Hey, I heard that!" She grinned.

You nodded, "you were supposed to, Cate." You chuckled, causing the rest of the group to erupt in a wave of chuckles as well as you were led to a table.

As you all sat down, Marie took notice of your clinginess with Jordan, "Is she always attached to you like that?" She asked them as Andre took out a small baggy of molly, Jordan immediately snatching it from his hands as he grinned.

Cate answered the question for Jordan, "yes, yes she is. She won't admit it but one second away from Jordan, and she is WORRIED. She's clingy because she has attachment issues." She smirked.

You rolled your eyes, "I do not have attachment issues, Cate. I just hate being without her for too long. It's called being clingy." You respond snarkily as you pressed closer to them.

Marie held in her laugh as she noticed the baggy, "is that cocaine?" She asked.

"We finished all the coke," Jordan began as he opened up the baggy, "this is molly."

"Hey, I don't really fuck with powders, but.." Luke pulls out a baggy from his pocket, waving it at Marie, "I do microdose shrooms."

"So, what do ya say, freshman?" Jordan smirks, their arm moving to their girlfriend's shoulder as Andre waves the baggy of molly at Marie.

Marie looks around at all of them, you seeming to be the only one other than her not interested in the drugs, "Uh...no thank you."

After some persuasion from Cate, and a little nod of reassurance from you, Marie took the jump and took some of the molly, the group cheering as she does.

"Cmon, let's dance!" Cate exclaims as she drags Marie off to the dance floor, leaving the other three at the table.

"See? I told you." Andre said, looking towards the couple beside him.

"Yeah, super nice." You smiled, picking up Jordan's drink and taking a sip from it.

You weren't much for alcohol, but you thought that tonight was special enough.

--------------------------------------------------------

You and Jordan had split from the two boys for a bit, coming back from wherever you had gone and nodding at people that you passed by.

You clung to Jordan's arm, and just as the two of you passed the doorway back to the main room, Jordan felt comfortable enough to change.

"Oh, my girl's back~" you purred jokingly, "oh, how I missed you~"

Jordan rolled her eyes at you and laughed lightly, "you're so lucky I love you."

You smiled at them, "oh, boy do i know it."

As you joined the boys back at the table, you were now accompanied by two more trays of drinks (courtesy of you and Jordan).

"There she is." Luke greeted as the two sat down.

"You changed. Why?" Andre questioned.

"Because I fucking felt like it." Jordan responded as they felt you snuggle into their side, and you tuned out the rest of their conversation.

----------------------------------------------------------

Eventually your group had split up, the drugs and alcohol finally taking into affect.

Luke was somewhere near the bathrooms, Cate and Marie were still enjoying themselves on the dance floor, and Andre had endulged himself with the flirting activity at the bar area.

Jordan had somehow convinced you to join her on the dance floor, the two of you absolutely not following the beat as you slow danced to the club songs.

Your enjoyment was ended when screams erupted from the bar area, and suddenly you found yourself getting dragged out of the club by Jordan, Luke, Andre, and Cate joining you both.

As you passed the bar area you had noticed the woman bleeding to death on the ground, and Marie standing there.

You tried to call her name, to get her to follow you and the rest of the group, but your calls were drowned out by the rest of the crowd.

Who knew the day you decided to be extra clingy would end up a very messy and bloody night.

----------------------------------------------------------

RAAAGGEEEE THE FIRST DRAFT DIDNT SAVE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

the ending is a little different and a bit quicker than I had planned and I am so sorry for that but I hope you enjoyed <33333

And yes I did in fact lie when I said I didn't have access to prime video I'm just a little stupid Ok.

[samynnad102687]

Veritaserum

@struttingstag

May 24 prompt: veritaserum | Jegulus | 1811 words

CW: mention of past suicide attempt

James was feeling good. It was the last night before the Winter Holidays and naturally, the Gryffindors were throwing a party in Gryffindor Tower. He even convinced Regulus and the rest of his friend group to come to it, which made James smile even more than he did when he usually saw his boyfriend. The drinks were flowing and the music was blaring in all corners of the tower.

James was feeling bold since he was more than a little tipsy. Most everyone in Gryffindor knew about him and Regulus but they were still careful most of the time since you never knew who was going to show up at the party and Regulus was still in Slytherin, much to James' and Sirius' dismay. They would have rather he'd just stay in their dorm where they knew it was safe.

Regulus told James that he could take care of himself and James knew that but he still worried about him. It had gotten better though since they first started dating. When they first started, Regulus was still living with his parents and they ran the risk of anybody in Slytherin ratting them out if they weren't careful. James looked over at Regulus who was standing next to the drinks table with Barty and Evan. He knew he shouldn't but James couldn't help himself.

He walked over to the table, took Regulus' drink out of his hand, and handed it to Barty before dragging him to the dancefloor's centre. Regulus grumbled a little but let James do as he pleased nonetheless. James didn't know how long they had been dancing but Regulus had his head on James' chest as he wrapped his arms around his neck and played with the curls that hung down. That was until Sirius shouted and they both snapped their heads up to look in his direction.

"Alright, losers!" Sirius exclaimed as he stood up on the table. "Now that the younger years have gone to bed. It's time for the real fun to begin."

"What are you talking about?" Regulus scoffed before he buried his head in James' chest again.

"I'm so glad you asked, baby brother," Sirius announced with a bow and James could practically feel Regulus roll his eyes. "We're playing Truth or Dare but with Veritaserum because I know that some of you fuckers are fucking great liars and I want to know all the dirty, little secrets you've been hiding."

To say that Sirius was drunk was an understatement, especially since Remus was trying to pull him off the table and Sirius kept swatting him away. James had no problem with Truth or Dare. He just didn't know how deep the questions would go with how drunk Sirius and most of the others were at the moment, so he was just a tad bit worried. Not that he really had any secrets to tell anyway.

"I'm in!" Marlene shouted and that was all it took.

Everybody else in their little groups grumbled with their acceptance or agreed eagerly if they were Barty. They moved the table and chairs out of the way to make more room for everyone to sit in a giant circle, considering there were twelve of them between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. Regulus practically sat in James' lap and James wrapped his arms around him instinctively.

"Okay, who's going first?" Sirius asked as he plopped down next to Remus and started to pour the shots of Veritaserum, passing them out as he went.

"Why don't you since you're the one who suggested to game," Mary replied with a small laugh.

"Alright," Sirius said with a shrug, "but who to ask first?"

He tapped his chin contemplatively before his eyes shot straight to his brother. James wasn't surprised.

"Reggie!"

"Of course he picks me," Regulus grumbled under his breath before he glared at his brother. "What?"

"Truth or Dare?"

Regulus sighed before he shocked everyone in the circle. "Dare."

"Umm, okay," Sirius faltered, clearly expecting him to pick truth. "I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the circle..." Regulus started to turn towards James because that was a given before Sirius continued, "that is not James."

Regulus glared at him again before he scowled and looked around the room. James was curious about who he would pick. It looked like Barty was expecting him to pick him but no, Regulus got out of James' lap and beelined it towards somebody else. They seemed shocked as well and Sirius jumped up to protest before Regulus turned on him.

"It was your dare," Regulus replied with a smirk before turning back and crashing his lips together with Remus'.

"That's not- that's-," Sirius threw his hands up in the air before he dropped back down to the ground and James had to cover his laugh with a cough as everybody else snickered with no shame.

Regulus walked back over to James with a satisfied smirk, kissing him on the lips right after. James smiled and wrapped his arms around him again.

"Okay, my turn. "Remus, truth or dare?"

It went like that for the next few rounds. Most picked dare and had to do silly little things that they honestly probably would have done anyway. But then it was Sirius' turn again and he looked straight at James. James sighed because he had a feeling he knew what was coming.

"Ja- ames," Sirius said in a sing-song tone.

"Yeah?"

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare, obviously." It really was the only possible answer.

"Okay, I dare you to pick truth."

Well, fuck.

"Umm, okay," James replied slowly as he tried to gauge what Sirius was playing at. "Truth, then."

James picked up the shot and downed the potion before he gestured for Sirius to ask his question. Sirius beamed at him before he spoke again and James wasn't sure how he felt about that. It seemed mischievous and like he was looking for something specific that James had never told him or that he thought James had never told him. Which honestly wasn't a lot, James would usually tell him everything and everybody knew that so he shouldn't have been surprised when all their eyes landed on him.

"What is one secret that you have never told anybody?" Sirius asked with an eager grin as he leaned closer to him.

James pursed his lips together. He had to ask that, didn't he because there was only one thing in his whole life that he never told anybody about and he never had any intention of telling anybody about for that matter. He was starting to sweat as he fought the potion and the words that were trying to tumble out of his mouth. Regulus was looking at him with concern now and James didn't want him to know. He didn't want anybody to know.

"Oh, come on. It can't be that bad," Marlene laughed.

James snapped his eyes up at her and glared. She just laughed some more as she held her hands up in mock surrender and fell back into Dorcas.

"It's okay, Jamie. Whatever it is. Nobody will judge you for it," Regulus whispered soothingly but all James could think was, 'You will.'

"Out with it," Sirius encouraged. "You can't fight the potion anyway so you're only hurting yourself more by trying."

James sighed before he looked down at his hands wrapped around his boyfriend.

"I tried to kill myself the summer after third year," he whispered just under his breath.

He never told his parents what he did either. It truly was a secret that he had intended on taking to his grave. James felt Regulus tense up in his lap. He was sure he was the only one who heard him since he was so close.

"What?" Sirius asked with a laugh. "Couldn't quite hear you."

James squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears from forming. Everyone was laughing except for Regulus. After a minute or two, other people started to egg him on to repeat what he just said and since he was still under the effects of the potion he couldn't stop the hurt or anger that came out when he repeated it.

"I fucking tried to kill myself the summer after third year. Happy?" James shouted before he dislodged Regulus from his lap and stormed off towards the stairs to his dorm.

The room became deadly silent but all he wanted to do was get away from everybody. He made it to the top of the stairs before he heard Regulus yell at his brother.

"You're a fucking dick, Sirius. I'd suggest you don't go anywhere near him for a while. I can't believe you just fucking did that."

James heard the footsteps coming up the stairs and he was sure that it was Regulus but he shut the door anyway and made his way to the bathroom. James sat against the wall with his head between his knees and tried not to cry but he couldn't hold back the tears even if he was imperio'd to.

"Oh, baby. Come here," Regulus said softly as he grabbed James by the shoulder and pulled him into his lap.

James went willingly. He wanted to be alone but then again he didn't and if he had to be around somebody right now, he was grateful that it was Regulus. He really really didn't want to see Sirius. James let the tears fall as he sobbed into his boyfriend's chest. Regulus ran one hand in soothing circles around his back as he ran the fingers of his other through James' hair.

"It's okay, Jamie. I promise it's going to be okay," Regulus whispered.

James sobbed louder and Regulus seemed to put up a silencing charm which James was grateful for. He hated it when anybody heard him cry. He was supposed to be the happy-go-lucky sunshine friend after all. Although now that his secret was out, he wouldn't be surprised if people started to keep their distance from him for a while.

"Please, don't leave me," James whispered wetly. It was a little muffled since he had his face in Regulus' chest.

"I'm here for you, baby. I'll always be here for you," Regulus replied firmly. "And if you want to talk about it or anything, I'll be here for you then too. I'm not going anywhere, Mon Soliel."

James didn't say anything else. He just clung to Regulus like his life depended on it and cried until he couldn't cry anymore. He was sure he would pass out at some point but he didn't care. He was tired and wanted nothing more than to forget about everything that just happened.

"I love you, James. I always will."

It was the last thing James heard before he let himself let go and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

Also published on Ao3: The Truth Doesn't Always Set You Free

[appleblueberry-pie]

Platonic Yan Miguel O’Hara with a younger reader who doesn’t like him. She can’t exactly give one specific answer as to why she doesn’t like him she just doesn’t. Her ignoring him like a teenager does her parents. Chewing bubble gum and blowing it while looking at her phone type of vibe. Eyes rolling when he speaks. Sitting in the corner with Hobie talking MAD shit and just giggling and that annoys Miguel so bad because we won’t even discuss plans with him. We could be going in a mission and he’s like we should talk and we just respond I know what I’m going and walk away. Bro doesn’t get any attention.

It was particularly hard for you to dodge Miguel, no matter how distant you got with him. He always found a way to squeeze his way into your personal bubble for whatever reason why. You never enjoyed his presence, and you never enjoyed how he worked and wanted other people to work. You just liked everything else surrounding him. You loved his craft, you loved the multiverse, you loved visiting other parallel universes to your own, you loved visiting universes that were completely different from yours, you loved saving people, you loved everyone else you met when you first joined this company besides him. He was just........no. You just didn't like him at all.

You wished you didn't. Genuinely. You hate hating people, but for some reason, there was a very uncomfortable feeling that sat in your chest whenever you came around. And it made you guilty for the way you felt about him you noticed he never enjoyed anyone's presence but your own and constantly searched for your acknowledgement of his advances towards you. And you simply didn't care. He seemed like a great guy. Stressed, but very hard working and thoughtful of his work and progressive in many ways, but it never clicked between the two of you.

And when you couldn't find a reason outside of yourself for why, and inside of yourself for why this wasn't working, you just did what you knew best and distanced yourself. But he never respected you attempting to save both of your time and it just turned into him constantly annoying you.

You hated the conversations he tried to hold up with you and you hated the lecturing he gave you before and after missions, which only made you try to avoid him more and you could tell you were beginning to get on his nerves. What the hell is up with him? Why won't he just leave you alone?

"Y/n." You fight an eye roll and turn around, approaching him while he approaches you with a holographic file in his hands. Inside is information of universe whatever-the-fuck and he explains capturing another Green Goblin on the loose. You nod at the task and tap at your watch to get to your designated location when he stops you, a hand on top of your own.

You look up at him, hoping you weren't showing clear annoyance on your face. "Look, I know we aren't on the best of terms as of lately," You weren't. "But I need you to know that you are a very important piece of what makes this place what it is known for. You are extremely helpful, thoughtful, and very smart for a girl your age." Miguel takes his hand away once he realizes you won't walk off and gives you a small smile.

"I really appreciate the effort. And considering we don't speak much, I think it would benefit the both of us if we tried to get to know each other a little more. I directly give you missions all of the time and it's hard communicating with a close teammate if we barely know each other." He points his head in the direction of the exit of his little man-cave. "Let's get you something to eat. I have a feeling you've been keeping yourself busy all day. The mission can wait until tomorrow."

Who would know that your personal parasite would sneak it's way under your skin?

Miguel effectively found his way into your life. You hated every second of it. He knew you were trying to disengage as much as possible and distance the bridge between the two of you as much as he could, but he wouldn't allow you. He's the only one who can assign you missions now, he's the only one who's brave enough to speak to you anymore because for some reason, everyone runs away once they see you nearby, and he's also the only one you can now talk to in Nueva York at all.

It had to be all his fault. No one else is able to pull stunts like this unless they're crazy psychos like from the movies. And you've seen enough of those kinds of movies to know that Miguel shows alllll of the signs.

Speaking of the devil. "I've been looking for you everywhere, arañita. I've brought you lunch."(Little spider)

You take the empanada from his hand and nod dismissively. "Did you look at the file I sent to you not too long ago?"

"Yeah."

"Great. Tell what you think about the additional information I've sent you about how I want you to proceed. I don't know if it seems a little too harsh for you, I haven't seen what your usual approach would be for capturing an anomaly would be. But that's my fault, I always have so much work to dig up before I can check up on anyone."

"Uh-huh."

".......Y/n."

You snap back into reality and see him looking over his shoulder from his work. "Yeah?"

Miguel sighs and puts down his pencil, walking back over to you. "Why are you always so distant with me? Is it something I've done to bother you? Because we can't ever have a clear conversation without it seeming like I'm talking to a wall."

Did you want to tell him that you hated everything about him or keep silent? "................"

Miguel watched your face shift between annoyance to discomfort and then something else he couldn't really put his finger on. Maybe you just truly never liked him.

"Fine. Until you're ready, come talk to me. Okay? I'm always here to help you."

guys i really didn't know how to finish this. definitely didn't like how i wrote this. just seems like a never ending slow-burn that i don't have the mental capacity to write.

[infanttoes]

The Closet Was Tinted Glass

Trans Katsuki AU! (Requested by a friend :D)

CW: unsafe binding, mention of dysphoria(very brief)

Locker rooms have always been a challenge to Katsuki. He's known he was a guy since the day he could understand the concept of gender at all, there was absolutely no changing his mind about it. If you told him otherwise, you'd either get blatantly ignored or screamed at. The only people he needed to accept him (his parents and Izuku), accepted him, and so he couldn't care less about the opinions of anyone else.

But ever since he got into high school, he decided he wanted a fresh start. Being a hero means that his public image mattered a whole lot more than it did in middle school, and being transgender in Japan isn't a great look. Best case scenario, he'll receive a lot of backlash. He doesn't even wanna think about the worst case scenario. Yikes.

So before the school year began, he made sure to visit Izuku at his house over their break and inform him that he is not, in fact, transgender but rather that he has always been a guy. Izuku, in his pijamas after a long day on the beach with All Might, tiredly grumbled that if he doesn't want him to tell anyone he's transgender, he won't. Katsuki bopped him on the head and left with a huff. At least he got his point across.

Everything went fairly well for the next two years concerning his identity. There was no speculation on social media, Izuku kept his word and didn't make a peep about it towards anyone, and his teachers were all pretty supportive since the start. He did have to lie to his classmates a few times concerning why he stays behind on the training grounds until everyone leave the locker rooms, but besides that, things were going smoothly.

That was until stupid, idiot Deku was too busy tying his signature red shoes to notice literally everyone else had gone out of the locker room. Katsuki unsuspectingly comes in, not bothering to check for any signs of life as he's been doing this routine for years and assumed it wouldn't change any time soon. To his surprise, when he begins tearing his sweaty costume off and setting each part down on the bench behind him, he hears a faint gasp.

"What the fuck?" He immediately yelps, turning his head so fast he gets whiplash. To his dismay, Izuku's standing across from him with an incredibly concerned pout and wide eyes.

"Did you seriously have your binder on that whole time? You're gonna get really hurt doing that," Izuku confronts, marching over to Katsuki and flicking him on the forehead. He winces at the sting but ultimately rolls his eyes.

"You don't have the room to talk, nerd. All I do is see your shithead will your life away on the daily. Besides, if I train without a binder, someone's bound to notice. Tits aren't exactly the most easy things to hide." He cringes internally at the memory of his classmates agreeing that he has a really feminine body type. That single handedly fueled his dysphoria for the following weeks.

"I can see the bruising, Kacchan! It's no wonder you've been taking so many breaks during training. When have you ever cared about people knowing anyway?" The shorter argues, seeming genuinely adamant about the topic, albeit a little embarrassed at the nature of it. Katsuki sighs, partly because he knows Izuku's right and also because he's annoyed at his hero complex.

"I fucking don't, dipshit. Those idiots just don't know how to keep their mouths shut and I'd be revolutionarily fucked if the press found out I was trans. It doesn't even hurt; we've been through worse and you should know that of all people."

Izuku's eyes soften. Now it’s his turn to sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. He takes a moment to gather his words and put them in a way Katsuki will take into consideration.

"Okay, I get it. Coming out is really dangerous to your career. But letting yourself get injured like this is holding you back from your true potential; weren't you the one that got upset with Todoroki during the Sports Festival because he wasn't putting his all into the fight? You're disabling yourself just like he did."

At that, Katsuki stares at him blankly, unmoving and silent. To him, the world stopped spinning for a moment. He feels like the biggest hypocrite ever. Izuku's just about to accuse him of zoning out while he was rambling when he finally speaks up.

"Damn, you're such a hassle to deal with. Do you have an extra shirt I can wear then? A looser one?" Katsuki grumbles, uncharacteristically sheepish. Izuku's face lights up in an instant, letting out a relieved exhale and nodding. He slides his bag off his shoulders and places it on the bench, digging through for a couple seconds before pulling out a black tee that reads 'extra shirt' in small, bold lettering. Katsuki offers an unimpressed glance, snatching the shirt away and doing a 'shoo' motion.

Once Izuku leaves the locker room, Katsuki steps in front of the mirror. Seeing himself so up close is unsettling. The former was right; the bruising is super obvious. He slowly undoes each clip starting from the top, relief filling his lungs as their constraints are removed. His ribs are dotted harsh purple spots, a sickly yellow ring surrounding each of the dark marks. He stares at himself uneasily for another moment before forcefully tearing his gaze away, reaching for the borrowed shirt and pulling it over his head as quickly as possible. It fits nicely; more snug than it would've been on Izuku since he has a smaller form, but it's much less apparent than a tank top. He does regret not bringing a bra, but to be fair, he wasn't expecting to be given a (metaphorical) slap in the face for being a professional dumbass.

He isn't sure why he's nervous. He collects his miscellaneous belongings, shoving them in his tote bag and swinging it over his shoulder. It takes a significant amount of effort to trudge himself towards the door, trying to keep his nausea to a bare minimum as he pushes it open. He subconsciously has his arms crossed and body slouched when he walks out, as if trying to go unseen.

By the time he catches up with the rest of the class, they're seated at some outdoor table on campus, sharing the granola bars Eijirou packed in his sports bag. Training had been particularly rough today so a snack would do well by them. Katsuki inconspicuously slides onto the bench next to Eijirou and promptly tunes into the conversation. They're discussing the best horror movies and ranking them out of ten; nothing particularly interesting but enough to distract him from the pit in his stomach.

It's when Katsuki goes to stretch his arms that hell begins to raise. He groans lightly, the day leaving his body with each pop of his joints. The noise draws the attention of Denki, who would normally go right back to conversation, but his eyes caught something out of the ordinary.

"Woah dude, did your chest grow two inches in the past hour?" He teases unsuspectingly, a small snicker coating the question. Despite the obviously playful manner, Katsuki's face pales. Suddenly, any sense of relaxation he felt did a total 180 and he's back in panic mode. Just that simple sentence made his hands go clammy and his mouth dry as the Sahara Desert.

"The fuck? No, you dunce. Go back to talking about Annabelle or whatever," he growls, kicking Denki's leg under the table. He whines pitifully, mumbling a 'what was that for!'

"No, he's right! Did you get implants while you were gone? I mean, damn! Your tits are bigger than mine. It's almost like they're real," Mina comments, giggling. In hindsight, that probably isn't the best thing to say about someone, but she honestly didn't think anything was going to come of it.

Katsuki, on the contrary, was having a war inside his mind. On one hand, he knows his friends will accept him no matter what gender he was born as or conforms with. Everyone's already acutely aware that Eijirou is a little more interested in other men than he lets on so he has nothing to worry about. But on the other hand, he's actually really scared. Scared that he'll be treated with less respect or assholes will underestimate the extent of his abilities just because he happened to be born with different genitals.

Thinking back to what Izuku said, though, he's completely right. He's desperately trying to keep up his pride while simultaneously holding himself back. He'll never be able to fight properly if he's constantly hiding, and if you know Katsuki, you know that he's not satisfied with a half-assed fight. Finally, he decides he's pushed through pain for far too long.

"Probably because they are."

The table goes silent. Even Jirou looks up from her phone long enough to gape at the revelation. Katsuki's skin is burning under the intensity of all their shocked stares.

"Geez, don't make this more awkward than it has to be."

At the uncomfortable plead, Eijirou immediately goes to Katsuki's rescue.

"Bakubro, that's so fucking awesome! I had no idea, congrats on telling us!" He praises, wrapping his arms around Katsuki with tears pricking his eyes. Katsuki stiffens at the display of affection, half-heartedly trying to push him away.

"Shut the fuck up, that wasn't an invitation. And I did it for myself, not for you goons," he hisses, inevitably accepting the hug when Eijirou uses his quirk to stop his struggling. It takes barely a second for the rest of the group to begin fussing over him, sharing their congrats and how, 'wow, you passed really well.' Not like he doesn't know that. What shocked him the most, however, was Hanta silently pointing to himself and then holding up two fingers.

From the corner of his eye, he can see Izuku sitting at the table beside him with his own nerd club. Izuku smiles at him proudly. Katsuki smiles back.

positive feedback/kind criticism only please! <3

[sea-buns]

not really, but I suppose that’s just a difference of opinion. I do think that gorgug’s nightmare sequence was one of the weakest, especially with how it shifted topics (being dead, small spaces, not being able to escape a stereotype, because if any of these had been expanded on that would’ve been great), but I do think a lot of gorgug’s character revolves around feeling in-between, or too much one thing and not another and trying to close that gap. The best one for me was deffo the sphinx tho, I interpreted it as not *just* about him being dumb, but rather like. You’re big and dumb and strong and your main job is getting angry and hitting shit with an axe. You went to a community of gnomes and they gave you a better axe, and you loved it. You are uniquely dumb, unlike those who have come before you, because you cannot solve a specific kind of puzzle while a sphinx talks at you. You are the reason your parents cut contact, and from the beginning you were unsuited for their home. Your extended family predicted that you would grow to know only rage, and here you are, a barbarian. You, from this perspective, are not proving them wrong.

I do think that that whole sequence does reveal that he’s afraid of like. Being that stereotype? And then going yeah sure I’m stupid eat me, then moving forward and clawing your way into understanding anyways

Ahhh I see. Yeah I think I did misunderstand your first ask a bit lol

I did really love a lot of the topics his sequence brought up. Like I've read some incredibly well-written fanfics that covered the ways that claustrophobia, and imposter syndrome, and being dead have affected him. But like you said, if they had just honed in on at least one, rather than hopping back and forth, it could have done so much for that section. Cuz, personally, I don't feel like we saw Gorgug be significantly affected by any of those. At least not in a way that felt complete and satisfying.

I really like what you said about his character being "in-between". I totally agree. Kinda circles back to how his parents trying to help him calm his rage was actually stifling him.

Your family needs you to calm down; you've broken another bedchairdoorappliance. Your teacher wants you to rage; he says anger is good but you don't understand. You sing to try and calm yourself, you're always trying to be kind to others; they only use it to hurt you more and all you can do is get angry back. Your friends need you to rage. You don't have the power to protect them socially, but this you can do. You try not to rage outside of a fight, but.... they don't seem to be that bothered when you do. In fact, you watch them provoke physical confrontation when they're mad on many occasions.

(Oops dipped a biiiit into the pot of how important friendship is to his character. Did not mean to lol it's just one of my fav things about him so it's kinda subconscious I guess)

But yeah! He's also in such a limbo this season as well! You can't do this you're too angry, you're not smart enough for that, you don't rage right.

Also realllyy like your interpretation of his trial. The angle you described it at was really interesting.

I don't think stereotype is the right word, though. I would say... he's afraid of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy? I'm assuming based on your own "stereotype?" that you weren't sure about the word either.

I don't think Gorgug is, or would ever be, afraid of being a "stereotype". Like I don't think he gives a shit about the stereotype that orcs/half-orcs/barbarians only know anger and destruction. I think he's afraid of being a self-fulfilling prophecy of all the things people say that he is. Stupid, mindless, destructive, etc. To pull from what you said here (which it wont let me copy paste on mobile god fucking damnit)

"Your extended family predicted that you would grow to know only rage, and here you are, a barbarian. You, from this perspective, are not proving them wrong."

"Stereotype" for sure applies to his racist extended family. They fucking breathe stereotypes like oxygen. But the bit where his afraid of becoming what everyone says he is, I think "self-fulfilling prophecy" suits that much better. He believes he can be more than that, he knows he can, but it doesn't change the fact that they are technically right.

Okay and the giving in but then "clawing your way into understanding anyways" actually goes so hard lol. Anon, you are so right. From that pov, it's not so much a give up as it is an acknowledgment before he essentially puts the subject on ice.

Rings back a bit to the start of fhjy to me. That dread of seeing the email of school starting back up again, and the terrible sinking pit in your stomach of avoidance, because the time has come to really unpack all that. There was something specific Zac said in his little Gorgug recap before the season started that was about, like, the dread of having to figure out who the fuck you're gonna be when everyone around you seems to have their shit together. That. That hit hard lmao but the experience that he's covered is very true to Gorgug, I think.

I totally misunderstood your first ask! Though I'm happy you sent another cuz I understand a lot better, I think. And tbh I've never had the opportunity to discuss that section of fantasy high with anyone? I wasn't on tumblr or watching d20 when it first aired so I missed these specific topics. Always been v interested in what others thought of his part. Maybe I should put the vods on in the bg next time I'm play sdv. Give em a relisten. And man. The fact that I'm out here quoting your message brings me back to english class so hard. Shocked I don't hate it. Actually having a topic you give half a shit about does wonders huh lmao

Thanks for the ask! You have altered my perspective and I appreciate it. It's like how sometimes you gotta read something out loud to understand it. If all I have is the walls of my own skull, I can only get so far.

[mpregandproud]

Isaac (Part 7)

It was strange to live without so much worry and doubt. The insecure Dan was left behind after returning from the village. I regained my relationship with my parents, we now talked practically every day. After Sandra's birth I took paternity leave, as did Isaac. We had weeks to be together and take care of the little one.

It was two months after we got back and I was already huge. I knew that three babies would make me grow a lot, but when I was just about to enter the seventh month of gestation I could no longer do most of the daily tasks. Bending down to tie my shoes was an ordeal. Holding Sandra in my arms was becoming more and more difficult. And I was spending more and more time sitting or lying on my side.

Clothes were beginning to be a serious problem. As I told you I was a big person, but between what I had gained before and during the pregnancy I had to change my closet several times. I was just near of 300 pounds. My belly was very wide and getting pointier and pointier. I haven't been able to see my feet for three months now, and neither has my dick. And if that wasn't enough, my chest was getting bigger and bigger and tender. They were one step away from becoming tits. It was only a matter of time before milk started to emanate from them. I was really looking forward to it so I could feed little Sandra.

The babies were becoming more and more active. Inside me I felt a veritable stampede of wild animals on the savannah. It was especially intense movement every time Isaac and I fucked. I had stopped being versatile, my body right now making it difficult for me to fuck Isaac. Since the fifth month it is my boyfriend who comes inside me with his big penis. As soon as his penis goes all the way in my body goes into ecstasy. My babies move like crazy, I tremble with pleasure and cum multiple times.

By the time I entered my 30th week of gestation I weighed 320 pounds, with 10 more weeks to go. My appetite was only growing and our friends brought us lots of food every time they visited us. And they visited very often. The doctor had given up on my weight, I was a basket case. My underwear was getting tighter and tighter. 

Lucas and his husband Adam invited us to their wedding, but in my condition it was impossible for me to attend. Once they got married and returned from their honeymoon they paid us a visit. Like everyone who visits us they brought large amounts of food which I began to devour as we drank tea together.

"You look really dazzling," Lucas acknowledged to me. "Thanks, but you're looking at me with good eyes. I'm chubby as hell, I can barely move and look at my boobs, they're bigger than my sister's," I replied with a mouth full of donuts. "I think you look better than ever," added Isaac who surprisingly still loved me even though I looked more like a cow than a person.

"You see, Dan, Adam and I want to be parents. We've been wanting to adopt or have a child through surrogacy for a while now," Lucas began. "When you came back to town and I saw you with your belly I understood that finally our dream could come true," he told me. "I would like you to gestate our baby, what better than my best soccer friend carrying my baby inside him. I think you are perfect for this job," Lucas said. "We know you can't give us an answer now, and you and Isaac will have to talk, but we both agree on this, you seem to us to be the best candidate, and with proven fertility," Adam said.

That night Isaac and I had a long conversation. He didn't see very clearly that I would be a surrogate for my friends. But he also knew that these months of pregnancy were going great for our relationship. I was tempted by the idea of getting pregnant again, it was clear to me that I wanted to do it again, but with babies that weren't Isaac's?

In the end we decided that we would accept the offer. It would have to be at least half a year after giving birth and only once. The idea was not to become a professional surrogate, but I did want to help my friends become parents. Lucas and Adam agreed, of course. In half a year I would start again with a pregnancy, if someone had told me a year ago that I would be pregnant I would not have believed them, let alone if they had told me that I would be pregnant twice. Of course, before I get pregnant again I will have to lose all the weight I have gained if I don't want to remain immobile forever.

Go to Part 8

[sardonic-sprite]

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo. It was Timmy's bday yesterday! So here's a question:

What do you think are some things about Tim that Jason is fond of ?

Also, what are some of your favorite things about Tim??

(you can answer either or both or neither upto you!)

Happy Birthday to my baby boy Timmy! 🎂🎉🥳

Oooh, interesting questions.

Jason: I think Jason would have a fondness for Tim’s geekiness because it often complements his own nerdiness quite nicely. He's fondly EXASPERATED by Tim’s pitiful physical/mental self-care habits, and he'd never admit it, but taking care of Tim makes him feel useful and proud -- it's proof he can still heal, he's not reduced to harm. He secretly admires Tim's strength of will. This kid figures out what's necessary and come hell or high water he does that thing, from becoming Robin to NOT becoming a supervillain. Jason's made peace with his own moral code by now, but I don't think that stops him from wondering who he'd be if he were more like Tim, or who Tim would have become if put through Jason's experiences. Jason is fond of watching Tim interact with Damian because the mix of catty rivalry, roundabout empathy, and ferocious love is something Jason's sure Tim learned from HIM, not Dick. But most of all, I think Jason's fond of Tim's forgiving heart. He will never really understand it, and sometimes he can't help but call it naive, but the way Tim can look Jason in the eyes and tell him "I forgive you. I love you" even after everything Jason did to him... It might just be the most undeserved and yet most treasured gift Jason's ever been given.

Me: My favorite thing about Tim Drake is how much I can torture him 😁👍

Ok, I'm mostly kidding. Tim Drake... is complex and interesting. He contains multitudes. There's fanon and canon, and different writers' fanon and canon. Who the fuck is Tim Drake, like, actually?

As I understand it, DC designed him to be the Everyman Robin. As fic writers, we take certain details and hints and blow them up for that sweet sweet angst, but at least in the beginning of "Tim Drake" he actually was a pretty normal, albeit genius, kid. And as much as I enjoy making his early life hell, I want to actually celebrate the Everyman origins today.

Because here's the thing. Not many of us are orphaned circus performers. I hope and pray not many of us have fended for our own lives homeless on dangerous streets at young ages. I highly doubt we've had to go to war against our own fathers, and I'm pretty damn sure none of us have been raised by immortal megalomaniacs in assassin cults.

But being raised by two working parents and sometimes a nanny in a stable household, balancing extracurriculars and grades? Yeah. A lot of people, at least in what I assume was the target demographic for Tim's comics when he was created, can relate to that.

And that's what I love about Tim. He's so normal, a self-insert for the handwavy general reader, AND YET.

He becomes a superhero.

He didn't even set out to. All he set out to do was give the other heroes pep talks and a reinstated sense of purpose. But when that wasn't enough, when the heroes weren't strong enough, this little everyman boy decides that he's going to do it, and then he DOES.

Not for glory. Not for vanity. Not for his own sense of purpose. Just because it's needed. Just because he wants to help make his world a little less broken.

I love Tim Drake because he is proof that you don't need to be great to have a great effect on your world.

Are any of us gonna become superheroes? No. Are we gonna lose spleens to supervillains? God, I hope not. But can we look around and decide to roll up our sleeves and care for others, no matter whether the Greats are failing? Yeah. Yeah, I think we can, and if we have the strength, we should.

Tim Drake, at his very core, is just a normal kid who loves others and wants to help them. Even when it's hard. Even when it hurts him.

If he can do it, I can too.

And that is an encouraging thought.

[initiumseries]

Can you list the best asian dramas you ever watched?

Oh 100%. Now this is in no particular order. So I'm gonna combine best and most compelling. Some dramas I watched weren't necessarily "The Best" but they held onto me and I think that's worth noting.

Goblin The Great and Lonely God

This drama, is a drama I'd pay money to have my brain wiped of memories of so I could watch it again for the first time. Everything about it is so good, so emotional, and it's literally changed the landscape of kdramas since.

Touch Your Heart

Lee dong wook and Yoo in na's reunion drama right after goblin is EXACTLY what we needed and it was such a perfect, quintissential romantic comedy drama. Exactly what got me into kdramas in the first place.

Hi Bye Mama

I've said this before, but this drama was...whew. It's weirdly slept on, because it's the first drama that made me CRY, cry. So worth the watch.

Navillera

Not necessarily the best kdrama I've ever watched, but you put young people in need of a parental figure and old people in need of a young person together and you've got me HOOKED. I will watch ANYTHING kdrama related with young folks and their grandparents. I'm very close with my grandfather so this drama MESSED ME UP. So emotional, so good.

Something In the Rain

this drama was like...it took over my life, made me SO FUCKING ANGRY, and then like ruined me. Their chemistry was INSANE, and it elevated the emotionality of their relationship. Also the cinematography was so...thoughtful. They deliberately filmed it so their intimate moments felt like we were spying on them a bit, and I really liked that idea of seeing them behind bookcases while they're cuddling to watch tv etc. They felt like a real couple.

Crash Landing On You

It's just a drama you have to watch. Nothing I can say about it will make sense. But when you watch it and see them AND the second leads together? Bro.

Princess WeiYoung

This was one of the first c-dramas I actually sat through. The backbiting, the scheming, the costumes, the sets, HOOKED me. I was IN. And THEN their chemistry?!?! LOOK at how he's LOOKING at her. Ugh.

The Rise of the Phoenixes

So, I know I'm alone in this, but this was one of the most thorough and intense dramas I've seen. The attention to detail really resonated with me. It's like, the definition of a slow burn, but their chemistry is CRAZY, the acting is top tier, the sets, the costumes, the drama. It was all just such a feast. Even the fact that, there was no dub for this drama, the actors read all the really challenging poems they recited themselves, the meaning behind everything, was sooo cool. The director's cut saved it, I know, but I felt like they could've cut some stuff out to keep it tight. Such a melancholy drama from beginning to end.

The Story of Yanxi Palace

I am a messy bitch who lives for drama and yanxi palace DELIVERS. All the women are insane, and compelling, and NASTY. And I LIVE for that. I've been watching kdramas a long time, and I was so happy when they finally got to the point of making their female leads have personalities and not be doormats. So when I started getting into c-dramas, the thing that hooked me was that the lead female characters were often women with strong personalities, smart, and simply limited by the circumstances of the world they live in, but even with those restrictions, they exercise such power within those boundaries that I LOVE. This drama does all that and more. A+.

Misty

this drama is so tough for me and zalrb. It was SO COMPELLING to watch. Kim Nam Joo is RIVETING to watch, and it was her comeback drama and boy did she come BACK. I remember rushing home from work to watch the next episode because I had NO idea where it was gonna go, and the TENSION between her and the guy not her husband was STRESSFUL. But whew the fucking whiffed it at the end. It's so unfortunate because a tight ending would've sent me over the edge. But alas, this was (minus the ending) one of the most compelling kdramas I've ever watched.

Till the End of the Moon

Jesus christ. This drama was so FRUSTRATING. But their relationship was compelling, HE was compelling. Tantai Jin was SO incredibly interesting to watch and it felt like watching an actor level up as you're watching. I'm generally not a fan of fantasy C-dramas bc the cg is ALWAYS awful. But I just ffwrd through most of that stuff to watch the relationship stuff. I felt like there was a stronger way to tell this story, but they were compelling.

I feel like I might be missing some but these are the ones I thought of right away.

[creampuffqueen]

Mal's Future Sukka Headcanon Timeline (Part 1)

hi guys, i'm currently in the middle of an atla rewatch so y'all know what that means: i'm being insane about sukka again. i've finally worked out my personal headcanon future for them after the events of atla and the comics, which i will be sharing here.

this post is basically just a bulleted list of events that happen. things they do, when they have their kids, more things that happen, all up until the events of tlok, which i tie in. (i currently have two different 'tie-ins', depending on how angsty i feel).

a few points before we start:

no, suki did not fucking die young

sokka is not suyin's father

i gave sokka and suki A Lot of kids. 12, to be exact. yes, you read that right. i will explain further in the post why they have so many and what allowed them to successfully raise such a large family

i've published a fic with sukka babies in it, however my timeline is now different from what i wrote then. that fic is of course still staying, because i love it, but it's no longer part of my 'personal canon', if you get what i mean

and finally, just remember this is my personal headcanon timeline for them. don't like it? go make your own headcanons. i'm sharing this because i love talking about sukka and their future together, i'm not trying to insist that This Is Definitely What Happened. it's all for fun!!

so, without further ado, let's into the timeline stuff <3

after the events of A:TLA, Sokka and Suki then spend the next few years helping out as Team Avatar. Suki splits her time between guarding Zuko in the FN and traveling with Aang, Katara, and Sokka

by the time they're 18, Sokka and Suki know that they've found 'the one'. they both know that they're endgame for each other. sure they're young, but why wait?

i like to imagine they elope on the battlefield. fighting some baddies or another, one of them is like 'hey, we should get married!' and the other is like 'i love that idea! aang, you're the avatar, you have the power to marry people, right?'

they get battlefield eloped, but end up having a 'proper' wedding with their friends and family when they're 19

they're ridiculously in love and very happy to be married

so, they weren't planning on having kids right away. they're very young, there's plenty of time for that in the future

however, life has some other plans for them

Suki gets pregnant very soon after the wedding. like, right after the wedding, honestly

at first she doesn't really want to believe it. but eventually she can no longer deny it, and it's time to face the music

i want to emphasize here how complex feelings can be about pregnancy. Suki wants kids, but she feels very thrown off by getting pregnant so quickly and so young

but she and Sokka make a wonderful team. although they're both worried about the future and what it will look like as a family of three, they begin to get excited about welcoming a baby

their first baby is a little girl they name Yuki, born on a warm spring night on Kyoshi island

and while in some ways their lives do change, it's much less than they expected

both Sokka and Suki take to parenting like fish in water

so now they're just continuing their regular jobs and adventures, but with a baby in tow

Sokka with a baby carrier lives rent free in my brain tbh

for a while things continue pretty normally. Suki is no longer in charge of guarding Zuko, as that's a bit more dangerous than she's comfortable with, she's still the leader of the Kyoshi warriors and all that entails

and then Suki finds herself pregnant again, when Yuki is about seven-eight months old

this sort of forces her and Sokka to reevaluate their plans

Yuki is a great baby. but soon enough she's going to be a toddler, and they'll have a second baby to take care of

when Suki is too pregnant to work anymore, they have to make some decisions

they love their kids. they love their family. they love their communities. they love their jobs

after some discussion with the rest of Team Avatar, Sokka and Suki elect to take a step back from all the Big World Peace missions

they want to raise their family

their next baby is born, another girl that they name Saya

everything starts to feel right

as much as they love helping out the entire world and bringing about world peace, they also love raising their little family together, being able to benefit from the peace they've helped create

nobody blames them for this, of course. they've done their part in saving the world. now they get to live their quiet life and raise their kids in a peaceful world

they still work, of course. Suki still leads the Kyoshi warriors, and Sokka is always in close contact with their friends, giving his advice wherever needed. he's just not traveling as much, staying home to look after his babies

now is a good time to point out that Sokka and Suki are amazing parents who take a very equal role in raising their kids

they also have a very close-knit community to help them out. Kyoshi island has such an emphasis on community. there's always someone to help out. their kids are taken care of in equal part by their parents and the larger island community

this strong community is a major reason why they end up with so many kids. they have the support system around them to do so

Suki gets pregnant again when the girls are 3 and 2, and has another little girl that they name Umari

time passes peacefully

Umari shows waterbending abilities right after her second birthday. a bit unexpected but not totally surprising

around this time Sokka and Suki decide to move to the southern water tribe for a time, to help Umari harness her waterbending

and at this point Suki decides it's time to hand over her mantel of leadership to another very capable warrior. she can't very well lead them if she's living in the south pole

it's a very bittersweet moment for her. she's adored leading the Kyoshi warriors. she'll always be a Kyoshi warrior, of course, just not the leader anymore. she's sad to leave them, but at the same time she's in a new phase of life at this point, and focused on being a mother

and before anyone says any kind of bullshit about Suki giving up her career for motherhood, i want to emphasize that that's not a bad thing, when it's the woman's choice. being a mother is important work. Suki was not forced to give up her career to be a mother; she was successful at being both for a while. but she chose to give up her position as leader for the benefit of her daughter learning waterbending in the SWT

and in the SWT she still works. there's always plenty to do

soon after their move she and Sokka welcome their fourth daughter, who is named Kyiasa

and then Hakoda decides he wants to retire as chief

Sokka, as his son, is technically next in line

and Sokka loves his tribe. he's happy to serve as their chief for a few years and help rebuild

so they stay in the SWT for a while

during this time they welcome two more babies, both girls. Akedi, born three years after Kyiasa, and Kanna, two years after Akedi

Gran-Gran Kanna passes away right before Kanna 2 is born, which is where she gets her name

Kanna also happens to be a waterbender as well! Oh yeah and Kyiasa is an earthbender, which absolutely nobody was expecting. Apparently Suki had some earthbending ancestry she never knew about

eventually though, Sokka decides to step down as chief as well. his family is still growing, and he wants to be present for their childhood

with the SWT more stable, the family decides to move back to Kyoshi

one of the first things they do when they get back? have another baby lol

they welcome their first son: baatar

at this point, with the kids getting older, it allows them to do more traveling

they spend time on Kyoshi, time in the SWT, time in the Fire Nation, time in Ba Sing Se, time in Republic City

the kiddos all love traveling

and of course, Sokka and Suki are still having more babies. they're wonderful parents, they love their kids, and Suki has a relatively easy time with pregnancy and childbirth. why not?

again, the emphasis on community. it's only through this supportive community they are able to have all these kids

they welcome more kids: Senna, Iknik, and Kio

at this point Sokka and Suki are in their late thirties. when Suki goes years without getting pregnant again, they assume they're done having kids, and get happily settled as a family of 12

life goes on

then, five years after Kio's birth, Suki finds herself unexpectedly pregnant again. wild

they happily prepare for their eleventh baby

but life has one last surprise for them

omfg i've run out of room. to be continued!!!!

[azhdakha]

Can you point to me where arabian-knight said that the USSR did nothing wrong? I don’t see them typing that anywhere. My parents lived under Soviet rule too and they did not suffer at all.

https://www.tumblr.com/chme2/738435165303570432/every-fucking-time-the-crimes-of-actual-colonial

This post basically.

The thing is that different people have different experience. The problem that I see is that there are people who experienced USA or western war on communism, especially those, who had their countries and lives destroyed by that and simultaneously there are people, who's lives were destroyed by violent authoritarian communism when all the good ideas and beginnings were crashed by the greed for power and fear of loosing it. And both completely refuse to even aknowledge each other's existence in history. I don't go around and teach people, who suffered from nato that it's actually good, do I? In this way, I think it's pretty fucked up to see people deny the reality we have lived through. Like here in Russia we don't even need to site sources because too many have a family history with it. I have a very close friend for example who's family members were the officers of the red army, devoted communists, but who were sent to jail labor camps during the purge on Jewish people in 50s whoch fucked up their life and health. And those people still have a positive view on communism, but will not accept the denial of it's crimes and idealization of it. I mean, you can't accuse them of being anti-communist prop servants, can you? My own great grandfather was drafted during ww1 in the tsar's army and served as a clerk. After he got a typhoid and was thrown out of the military train he joined the red army and then worked as a translator on the radio including the comintern during ww2. He has still been expecting to be taken to jail for that period he served in the tsar's army almost until his death in the 90s. Or how my ancestors on the other side of the family recalled how their region was in the middle of constant battles between the whites and the reds during the same civil war and every time one party occupied a village, they killed damn lot of people accusing them of collaboration with the other side. So what my great-great-grandfather did is he gave shelter and hideout to a wounded red army soldier so that later he spoke in defense of that village saving it's peasants from being repressed.

So people knew that repressions weren't really justful. It's our national tragedy regardless of ethncitiy. And denying that is spitting into the face of everyone who went through this. I know that at the same time there are people who claim that communism was something exclusively brought by russians and exclusively evil, which is ahistorical and I don't know how do they manage to ignore the non-russian communist revolutioners and leaders who chose to join the communism because they had objective reasons and because the life before the revolution was terrible and for many communism gave hope for liberation. And not all freedom fighters joined nationalist resistance powers. But a lot of them were repressed later too. As an anarchist I'm completely aware of the repressions against the anarchist movement in USSR despite how makhnovites basically helped bolsheviks during the Civil War of 1917.

So what I can say is that at least for one moment people need to fucking listen.

[void-botanist]

BOY DO I HAVE QUESTIONS FOR YOU! for any of your characters im so fascinated by them

🥰Who are they in love with right now, if anyone?

🔥Who was their first love? How did it turn out?

💍Are they expected by their society to date and/or marry? How do they feel about it?

🔂Have they ever broken up and then gotten back together with the same person? How many times? Did it work out in the end?

😡Are they a jealous partner?

👗What sorts of clothes do married couples wear in their culture? Do they plan on wearing the traditional clothes, or doing something different?

aaa I'm so flattered that you're fascinated by them <3 I picked a few I could spin answers for:

���Who are they in love with right now, if anyone?

Avis: Sorian. In AOM she will not admit this under any circumstances, except maybe if Sid asked her while she was drunk.  He means a lot to her and she really just cannot let him go.

Horatio: he's kinda between loves in AOM, though he's not convinced that he ever entirely falls out of love, which means he's kinda still in love with his college girlfriend Skye, who he has zero intention of ever getting back together with, though they're still friends.  In CM he falls very hard for Sid.

Sid: [laughs nervously] kinda Devon, but he'd like to believe that his entire problem in AOM is not being in love with people. Unfortunately that is not the case.  He will ultimately fall for Horatio in CM.

Isabel: Spinder.  Which is just her shit luck in action, to be honest, because after how things went with Fabian he might never date again.  That's probably hyperbole but she's still not mentioning it.

🔥Who was their first love? How did it turn out?

Avis: also Sorian.  In the beginning it was really good.  And even though all the years between his cheating and when she found out about it are now tainted to her, in the moment they were also really good.  But her general opinion is that it turned out bad and can she stop being in love with him please.

Horatio: Skye, and honestly?  It turned out great.  Sure, it's unfortunate that she moved back to her home island after graduation, but he doesn't feel like he lost that much in the process.  And she's happy.

Sid: he'd cite some guy he halfway dated in middle school but if he's being honest, Devon.  He wouldn't even say he's in love with Devon, but he knows there's something there that he has never felt with anyone else, at least until CM.  But they're in a state of "exes and kind of friends but Sid feels awkward about it".

Isabel: she'd like to say it was Darnell, when she met him at summer camp before his transition, but that was probably just excitement about feeling gay for a minute.  The real answer is more embarrassing: her eleventh-grade boyfriend Finnegan Brand.  He was an ass but he was so beautiful, and he wasn't an ass ALL the time...still, when she came to her senses about how shitty he was to her in front of his friends she dumped him.

💍Are they expected by their society to date and/or marry? How do they feel about it?

Avis: on Imni marriage is kind of considered a pinnacle state.  Which she basically agreed with right up until she found out about the cheating.  She wasn't a fan of people being pushy about it but being married fucking ruled actually??  But she also extremely disagrees with this whole idea of dating to find someone to marry, and she would still feel that way even if she wasn't demiromantic/sexual.  Like, that's so much work.

Horatio: to some extent.  There's amatonormativity in the air that suggests he would be happier with a partner, but on the other hand, he kind of changes people's minds about himself specifically because it is hard to imagine him being happier.  His mom, however, really really would like him to get married because she loves weddings.  She's not gonna bother him about it, mostly, but he Knows.  She was more disappointed than him when he broke up with Skye.

Sid: he really gets the feeling that if his parents and Colin's parents weren't so into the idea, literally no one would care.  Well, maybe some of the Rade folks in town would, but it seems to him that the surrounding native towns really don't give a shit, and he wishes his parents were the same.

Isabel: yeah, on both Antarac and Gevorad.  She's not happy about the pressure to get married even though she wants to, because after how things went for her parents and her breakup with Darnell, she can't take this whole marriage thing lightly.  She's gotta do it right or not at all and could everyone chill?  Well, except her mom, who literally does not care.

🔂Have they ever broken up and then gotten back together with the same person? How many times? Did it work out in the end?

Avis: as I count it, she's broken up with Sorian three separate times over the course of AOM and CM, and they keep getting back together.  It works out...eventually.

Horatio: no, but he would, if it made sense.  But he's also never had a bad breakup.

Sid: he has existed in a state of Schrödinger's breakup with Colin for years.  They're not together, but they're not not together.  So if that counts, innumerable times.

Isabel: no, but at the same time she hasn't not done that with Spinder.  Except, well, they've never officially been together.

😡Are they a jealous partner?

Avis: yeah, but she used to be a whole lot less jealous.  Believe it or not there was a time when she and Sorian could be open about their attractions to other people, because they—Avis especially—were secure in the knowledge that no actions would happen as a result.  Where other people might have been jealous about Sorian having a lot of women friends or hanging around with someone he had a crush on (Antony lol), Avis saw it as A) she mostly ends up being friends with men, not on purpose, so why can't it be the same for him, and B) of course he has a crush on Antony because he has taste.  What's there to worry about?  But now she would be a lot more jealous, even when she recognizes she's being unreasonable.

Horatio: he's not a bit jealous about friends and casual goofy flirtation, the kind that his sister gets up to with everyone all the time.  But if it feels more serious, it would make him jealous, or at least uncomfortable.

Sid: he won't let himself be, because he feels like he's not allowed to be.  But he is jealous, thanks to his deeply seated insecurity that he can never be enough.

Isabel: she has her moments but in general, nah.  She kind of understands that jealous isn't really her normal state of being and if she feels jealous, something else is wrong.

👗What sorts of clothes do married couples wear in their culture? Do they plan on wearing the traditional clothes, or doing something different?

Avis: after she got married, she and Sorian both spent a month wearing the traditional silver and gold head coverings of Imni newlyweds, which look similar to lace doilies and are pinned at the top of the head.  Over the course of the first week, each of the hanging bells is replaced with a tassel, which generally represents the way love becomes steadfast, even when it's not announced, but each of the tassels also has its own meaning.  But after the first month they're generally hung on the wall and only put on for anniversaries, if then.  Avis intended to wear hers for every anniversary till the end of time, but as it stands, she hasn't even seen it for years.  The only thing she has is her silver and gold ring, which she used to wear all the time but now keeps in a box she never opens.

Horatio: on Aephar green and leaf patterns are generally associated with married couples (they symbolize the growth and maturity of relationships), which is why he never wears anything that is strictly green or a leaf pattern despite having a very botanical wardrobe.  He's aware that most people ignore this rule entirely, but he's very taken by the idea of finally getting a postmarital green leaf shirt.  But while jewelry is a fairly common marker of marriedness, he knows he'll lose his eventually, so he intends to get a tattoo instead.  He's never gotten a tattoo, but he still keeps dreaming of getting a full choker tattoo.  This may or may not happen.  

Sid: to be honest, he doesn't know anymore.  His mom claims that all the Tobarsha "rules" of color and pattern apply in Nicha Cove, but nobody follows those rules anymore as far as he can tell.  Still, possibly because of Horatio's botanical influence, he expects that he will start wearing leafy-vine-shaped bars between his braids if he ever gets married.  (He mostly wears his thigh-length hair in two very long braids that are held at a fixed distance from each other with bar clips that also weigh them down and prevent them from constantly slapping people in the face.)  Then he moves back to Tobarsha, cuts his hair, and has no clue what he's even doing with his life, let alone in the fantastical state of "married".  

Isabel: in her home culture on Gevorad, necklaces, mostly.  Because baking is so important, people tend not to wear rings.  The necklaces can get quite ornate, though.  When she was with Darnell, she dreamt about having one of those more ornate ones, to fit her imagined future status as wealthy wife (but she also kind of envisioned changing her whole wardrobe, which probably wouldn't have happened).  She's toned down her hypothetical design, but definitely does not want it to look like a plain necklace, because it'll be kind of a big deal to her if she finally manages to get married.

[abronzeagegod]

ETS WIP Chapter 8: The Time Between

Aeth took two weeks off. They needed and it, and honestly after everything that had happened, they just wanted to be without technology more complicated than their microwave for a while.

Part of the problem was the dreams.

The hospital had medical grade wards against dreams and outside interference. Along with the drugs, they prolonged the subconscious torture that Aeth always seemed to save up for themself.

The first long stretch of their time off was just fixing their sleep schedule, trying to get rest, and letting the nighttime horrors play themselves out.

It was a less than ideal situation.

They saw Lyta a few times over the extended break. She still had to work, and Aeth was terrible company in the beginning when they still weren't fully sleeping. She would drop off some food and stuff for Aeth, but left them to their own devices and spaces.

Lyta knew when to pull, when to push, and when to leave well enough alone.

Eventually, Aeth did start to feel better, to sleep better, but they were stuck in their routine of feeling bad for themself and not doing anything.

The routine that had helped them recover from the events their went through had started to become the crutch that was holding them back.

Finally, what broke them out of the habit of feeling bad for themselves was a phone call.

Aeth reluctantly answered the phone.

"Hello, this is Jer Ollowollu, you assisted me and my family with our computer and the small god we had in it," the voice on the other side of the phone.

Instantly Aeth's mood shifted. "Yes, I remember. How is everything going?"

"Well! We're actually expecting our little god to be cleared in the coming days. In the meantime we're looking for a computer to put them in. Something stable and we can use for a while without having any work or maintenance or upgrades we'll need to do. We hoped you would have a recommendation for us, and maybe help us put everything together with the Lance Corporal returns."

"Of course, I can send you a couple of recommendations tomorrow," Aeth said. "And we can get an install and tutorial set up for a few days from now, so that everything is ready."

They set up a time to install a computer and quickly sent an email of some good computers that the company had on hand that would fit the needs of the small family.

After that was done, Aeth sent an email to their boss. They would be back to work tomorrow.

<run-script-timejump></script>

Returning to work felt odd.

It wasn't that they had finally broken out of their routine of mild depression and were forcing themself out and into a new routine. It was that everyone at work was behaving oddly.

One of the first things Aeth noticed when they got in was that their coworker Yir was at the fridge pulling out a canned triple espresso drink. Which was something she had sworn off a few months ago because it was very badly effecting her mood and sleep since she had found herself drinking too many a day. Even her doctor had told her to slow down on the high caffeine drinks.

"Yir, you OK?" Aeth asked as they put their things away in their locker.

"Great, what's it to you?" she snapped.

"You haven't been drinking that stuff in a while, I was concerned."

"Thanks for being my parent, I'm so glad you're concerned. Fuck off."

Yir stopped off, drinking their caffeine down at a pace that seemed unhealthy. Aeth was left feeling attacked and like today was going to be a long day.

Aeth already found their mood souring and it was hard to not reflect the general feeling of animosity back at everyone.

They worked really hard to keep their customer service voice calm and steady on the phone but even the people calling in were being rude, mean, and demanding impossible things.

Sure enough it was a very long, very tiring day.

As Aeth was clocking out and getting ready to go, they found Lyta coming back in from being out in the field.

"These dumbasses!" Lyta loudly yelled at her phone, her anger was radiating off of her, almost turning up the room's temperature.

"You too?" Aeth asked.

"What?" Lyta asked looking up from her phone finally.

"Everyone seems to be having a day today and it's exhausting."

"Yeah, it's just a good day to be mad at shit," Lyta said. A moment later she finally put her phone away. "How was your day? Was it good to be back?"

Aeth shrugged. "Fine, but people everywhere have been really annoying."

"Let's go find something to eat, and then we can sit in front of the TV," Lyta offered.

"That sounds good."

When they found themselves at Lyta's place with some takeout, watching the first episode of a new scripted show, Aeth's mood hadn't really improved.

Lyta was back on her phone, watching short videos that were causing her to yell things or curse at them, and even worse, leave terrible comments.

Eventually, Aeth reached over and took her phone out of her hands.

"Give that back!" Lyta snarled.

"You're not paying attention. You wanted to watch this with me," Aeth said. "You're not watching."

"I'm paying attention!"

"Watch with me, or I'll give you the phone back and go home," Aeth said firmly.

Lyta crossed her arms and pouted. "Fine!"

By the time the episode was over (they had to restart it), without her phone to distract her, Lyta was back to herself.

"Sorry," she apologized when Aeth was starting to head home. "Sometimes it just feels good to be angry, even if it's not actually good for me."

Aeth just nodded. They didn't have anything really to say, so they just accepted the apology and went home to shower and try to find a moment of solace in the day that was too long and too annoying.

Their apartment was something of a refuge, finally a safe space away from all the nonsense and people that were making this day so much harder and stupider than it reasonably should have been. The shower washed away the remains of the day, the last of the nonsense went away down the drain with the dirt and the grime that came with it.

Aeth was feeling this day more than most other days. This whole week, month, year had been nothing short of a fiasco.

Really, they were just ready for it to be over.

Or for something to change.

There was a sigh that came from them while they were still in the shower. It was the kind of sigh that came from the base of their spine and in the depths of their guts that built until it touched every nerve and then the release was long, slow, and robbed them of every inch of breath in their lungs.

Aeth was ready for something different, for some catalyst to cause a change that pushed them into something hopefully better.

When they got out of the shower there was a message from Lyta.

They looked at the message, even if they didn't feel the energy to respond.

It was a link, and another apology.

"Sorry. You had a day and I didn't make it better. Wish I could make your days better instead of worse ;(" the text said.

The link sent Aeth to a site, since their phone did not have whatever app this was sent from it took them to the website mirror.

Eventually there was a video of an absolutely adorable void-cat trying to absorb an entire tuba which resulted in a series of very funny noises, both from the tuba, and the very distressed tubist. It was a very cute video and it did make Aeth smile.

The algorithm and whatever driving force behind the app automatically started playing "exclusive content only on the app" and considering that Lyta sent them a video of a void-cat there was no shortage of cute animal videos.

Aeth didn't respond for several minutes because they were sucked into the world of the app and the animal videos they kept showing them.

Eventually they did respond a short message.

"It's always better with you. but going from worse to bad ins't the best"

"but i appreciate you"

It was with only a small reluctance that Aeth downloaded the app Swwarm.

i have a kofi where you can read chapters early

[elfboyeros]

Sneaking Around

Bridgehid Masterlist [start from the beginning?]

@jj-pines @karaboutmyart @lerenee

"What are the scientific theories in biology?"

"...Uhm, cell theory and gene theory?"

"You're forgetting one," Rowan remarked.

"Really?" Elias questioned.

"Starts with an H," they replied.

"Oh, oh! It's on the tip of my tongue!"

Rowan giggled, "You got it, you got it!"

"HOMEOSTASIS THEORY!"

"YEAH!"

"Alright, I'm giving you that one," they stated as they checked off the question on the study guide in front of them, "That's all the questions, you got a 23 out 30, that's better than the first exam."

"I am okay with that," Elias said proudly.

Rowan flashed him a small smile before looking back down at the study guide for Elias's most disliked class. The guide was placed on top of the biology textbook.

The two teens were sitting in one of the campus' small little green areas.

Elias noticed the shift in their mood, raising an eyebrow before he asked, "What's wrong?"

"Things are getting weird," they muttered.

"And what do you mean by that?" he pondered.

Rowan sighed, "The creatures from the tower, the whole chosen one stuff? I first thought that it was just some crazy cursed demonic, whatever the hell, speech," they rambled, "But then Georgia's grandmother said that something big is coming, and I am at the center of it. ...What the fuck does that even mean?!"

Elias nodded along.

"Ever since I got here, things have been weird! Like this has been nice and fun. I'm making friends, and I am back in school. But my parents are dead, and I know nothing about them, I don't remember them, hell I don't even recognize them!"

Rowan over-exaggeratedly flopped into Elias's lap, making his cheeks become flushed, "Something happened when I was little that I can't remember no matter how hard I try, and it makes me so angry!"

"Do you think it has anything to do with your mom's death?" Elias asked as he looked down at them.

"...Probably," they sighed.

"I know it doesn't help, but I remember her," he commented.

"You knew her?" Rowan asked, slightly shocked.

Elias made a face, "I saw her like two times, her appearance is hard to forget."

"That doesn't make me feel any better," Rowan groaned.

"Well let me make you feel worse," Elias half-joked, "We met when we were little."

Rowan groaned, before slapping their hands over their face.

"It was only once. When I was like eight... or maybe I was seven? I don't know. Anyway, we met in the courtyard on campus. We watched ants for like 15 minutes and then when you left... I never saw you again... Well until now."

The pink-haired teen groaned again, "Oh goddess..."

"Hey, it's no big deal," Elias replied with a kind smile, "We were little."

"This isn't just a case of not remembering because I was six, I don't remember because I can't remember anything from before I was 9!"

"I've heard of old mages and alchemists "locking away" people's memories. Mostly so they could commit crimes," Elias relayed, "Maybe someone locked away your memories when you were little?"

"Why would someone take away the memories of a kid?!"

Elias shrugged, thinking for a moment, "You said that you don't remember very much of whatever your life was before you were here at the college. ..Maybe someone did it because you did or saw something you weren't supposed to?"

Rowan groaned once again.

"...And maybe the college has stuff on file from that time." Elias offered.

The idea that Elias just posed made Rowan jump up, "Okay, great, that's perfect actually," there was a moment of thought, "..But how would I even get my files?"

Elias shrugged once again, "Indigo, maybe?"

"You are a genius," Rowan replied, jumping to their feet, "Let's go break into Indigo's office!"

"Goddess," Elias chuckled, getting up from the grassy hill, and following them toward the building.

They quietly made their way to Indigo's office, greeted by the door where Elias pulled out his bobby pin before he kneeled to lockpick the door.

"Dude, why?" Rowan scoffed while laughing.

"Do you have a key?" Elias replied, "...My sister taught me, just give me a second."

"Dude!," they laughed quietly before grabbing the doorknob and twisting the door open, "She doesn't lock her office. It's so Calvin can get in."

Elias sighed with a smile, getting off the floor and following Rowan into the mage's office.

That same mage was just a few doors down talking to one of her colleagues. Discussing the next day's training.

She looked exhausted, her speech was even slurred, yet it went unnoticed by the older mage.

However, when Percy walked by, she noticed.

"Corals?" she said with a questioning and slightly concerned tone in her voice.

Indigo turned around.

"Goddess, Indigo, you look like shit," Percy gasped, seeing the French woman's-tired eyes and dark circles.

"What do you need Percival?" Indigo asked.

"Have you slept recently?"

"Percival, if you don't need anything, I'm in the middle of a conversa—" Indigo began to turn around mid-sentence before beginning to fall to the floor.

Percy caught her before she hit the floor, shocked that the great Indigo Corals fainted from exhaustion in front of her.

The cursed professor picked the French woman up, biding their mage colleague well, before rushing to the infirmary.

"BOOKSTONE!"

Percy barged into the infirmary yelling Calvin's last name, causing the healers in the room to turn to attention.

"Mr. Corals is in the forge," one of the healers squeaked out.

Percy clicked her tongue, "Mr. Corals, good goddess," she sighed, "You idiots! Help her!"

The healers took Indigo from Percy, she turned to the other healers who were watching the madness unfolding in front of them, "Call him, you imbeciles!"

Back in Indigo's office, Rowan and Elias looked around, Elias sat at the mage's desk in her chair while Rowan looked through a filing cabinet.

Indigo's office was dimly lit by a few desk lamps scattered throughout the room. It was the same beige/brown color of the college.

Yet, her office felt so whimsical with bobbles, little trinkets, and other such objects that screamed Indigo and magehood.

"Indigo looks really different with her hair short," Elias remarked, looking at the framed photos from Indigo and Calvin's wedding.

"They have a whole wall of pictures in their house, it's weird how Indigo can look so different but also the same at the same time," Rowan replied, "AH-HA!"

Rowan pulled out a thick file that sat in the "R" tab of Indigo's filing cabinet.

They carried it over to the desk and sat it in front of Elias, "This is all on me," they sighed.

"Let's get to looking!"

They spent the next couple of hours looking through old documents.

The texts went from just standard transcripts that the two friends found themselves joking about and simple medical records from when Rowan was a child, to documents that became more and more censored the further the two of them looked.

Which made them both more concerned but also furthered their curiosity.

Whilst the teens were somewhere they weren't supposed to be, Indigo finally woke up.

Indigo opened her eyes and registered that she was in the infirmary.

She heard movement in the room, which sounded like Percy.

"Baiser," she sighed.

"Baiser is right."

This was probably the only time Indigo did not want to look at her husband.

The sound of the door shutting made her jump slightly before she tried to sit up.

"Easy," Calvin sighed, "You're lucky Percy was there."

Once she sat up, she finally brought herself to look at him.

He was upset, obviously, his arms firmly crossed across his chest with this look of disappointment and anger.

"I don't want to do this right now," Indigo muttered looking away from him.

"Well I do," Calvin declared with force, "So we're doing this."

Indigo rolled her eyes.

"Hey," he said sternly, his tone making her look at him, "You passed out from exhaustion, Indigo! You've been lying to me!"

"I haven't lied!"

"I asked you every day for the past three weeks, including yesterday: are you okay? Have you been sleeping? Is there anything I could help you with? What was your answer?! No, you were fine," he hollered.

"I just assumed that I was fine!"

"I don't like that answer!"

"My goddess, Calvin, I've been working! Working my ass off! I've been trying to take care of Rowan and all the shit that is happening around them, taking care of our house, my students, my new apprentice, my classes, my fucking mages. So, I got a little exhausted, no big fucking deal!"

"Indigo, you collapsed!"

"It's not the first time, Calvin," she mumbled.

"Goddess," he scoffed, rolling his eyes, "I don't want there to be any more times, Indigo!"

Indigo shook her head, "I can't make any promises," she said almost incomprehensible.

The healer-blacksmith shook his head, "..Indigo," he sighed as he saw her staring out the window avoiding his gaze, before he looked away and exhaled, "I can't watch you do this to yourself anymore."

Her eyes widened quickly as she looked back at him, "What do you mean?!"

"Angel."

It made her feel a bit better that he called her by one of his favorite nicknames instead of her actual name.

"I've told many times: I'm on your side. No matter what you want, how you want it, or how you're going to get it, I do not care, I will help you and stand beside you. I will be in your corner always," he began to explain as he approached the bed she sat in, "But, there is also a caveat to me being on your side with no questions asked, and it's that you don't do shit like this! You don't get yourself hurt on purpose, you try to keep yourself out of harm's way, and you come to me if you need help!"

Indigo didn't speak, waiting for him to continue after a pause.

"You, Mrs. Bookstone, are my only concern," he cooed, sitting at the end of her bed, "and because of that, I can't stay by your side and watch you destroy yourself. In fact, I won't allow it."

She nodded along.

"I know this stuff with Rowan is difficult and super stressful, but please take better care of yourself."

The French mage sighed, "I've hit the floor, huh? The bottom-ha-there is no falling anymore."

"Yes, but I'm here to help you up, angel," he mused.

"I'll try to be less self-destructive," Indigo stated.

"Thank you, angel eyes," he muttered, kissing her forehead, "You're going to stay here until the end of my shift, what do you need from your office?"

"...Calvin," she huffed.

"Yeah, no," he replied with a slight chuckle, knowing she wanted to leave, "What do you need?"

"My laptop, my beige bi-fold, and my phone," she listed, "The door isn't locked."

"I'll be right back."

"Thank you, grenade."

"Of course, angel eyes."

"I love you, Calvin," she called as he left.

"I love you, too," he replied, even though he was out of the room already.

Back in Indigo's office, Rowan was slumped in the office chair as Elias stood in the middle of the office with the overhead light on in an attempt to see the text beneath the black boxes on the sheet of paper in his hand with the help of the bright light.

"Elias, just stop," Rowan sighed with their head in their hands.

The long-haired teen looked over at his friend.

He saw how distraught they were over the whole situation; this was his idea and it had not gone how either of them wanted, "Rowan, I'm sorry," he sighed his arms now down at his sides, the paper he was trying to inspect clutched in his hand.

Rowan shook their head slightly, "Don't worry abo—"

The office door then opened, and Calvin was standing in the doorway.

Everyone froze in place as Calvin analyzed the room, the healer saw Elias and Rowan looking at him with wide eyes, the latter in the middle of the room, and the former in his wife's office chair, papers all over the Indigo's large desk, as well as one of her large filing cabinets drawers wide open.

Calvin cleared his throat, straightening himself up in the doorway looking upon the two teens, "You two aren't supposed to be in here... are you?"

"We are sorry, Mr. Bookstone," Elias squeaked.

Calvin cringed, "Just..." he sighed, "Stand outside, you two are coming with me after I get Indigo's things."

Rowan and Elias sheepishly nodded, waiting for Calvin to gather up what he was asked to, before taking them back to the infirmary and relaying what he had walked in on to his wife.

The two teens sat on a bench outside waiting to be reprimanded.

"She wants to talk to you, kid," Calvin remarked, making Rowan perk up before entering the hospital room.

Indigo didn't look pleased. She looked tired and irritated with her arms crossed as she sat upright in that hospital bed.

"I'm sor—"

"What exactly were you two looking for?" Indigo interrupted.

"Just stuff on me," Rowan answered.

"Why?"

Rowan sighed, they had never discussed the why with Indigo before, "I don't remember my childhood, and I wanted to find out if there was anything that could explain why."

Indigo shook her head, "Why didn't you come to me?" she asked.

They shrugged.

"So..." Indigo cleared her throat, "Did you find what you were looking for?"

They shook their head while staring at their feet.

"Mmm-hmm," Indigo hummed, "Did you find anything of interest?"

"Actually... Why are my records censored?" Rowan inquired.

Indigo paused for a millisecond, "...Because they are just copies of your records, even though I am your legal guardian, you and I are not biologically related. If I request your records, they will come to me censored."

There was something about the way that she explained it that made them not trust her account.

It made them want to push the issue, "Is there anything behind the censoring that explains why I don't recall my childhood?" Rowan asked.

There is a longer pause than the last, "...No," Indigo replied, "Like I have told you before I have no idea why you have no memories and believe me, I have searched for the answers why."

Rowan huffed, becoming increasingly irritated, "...So you don't have any theories?!"

"None that make sense," Indigo said with quite an erratic tone, "I have looked everywhere for answers for you, Rowan, I really have. It's possible that there are no answers to your questions."

The teen exhaled, leaving the room for the mage to sit in peace, whilst Rowan went back to sit with Elias, their head resting on his shoulder as they sulked.

"First time getting in trouble?" he asked.

Rowan nodded, "It's not just that... I think Indigo is right, I will never get my answers."

"What are you guys doing here?"

The duo looked up to see an ever-concerned Maverick with a clipboard pinned tightly to his chest.

"Hey, Ricky, we're..." Elias paused, debating on telling Maverick what they had done and why, "We just got in trouble with Indigo and Calvin."

"Really, why?"

"Eh-well—"

"You can tell him Elias, it's fine," Rowan groaned with their forehead against his shoulder.

"Well, we snuck into Indigo's office, because Rowan wanted to find their file to see if there was anything that could explain their amnesia," Elias explained, "We got caught after not really finding anything."

"I found out that my dad died of an illness, and that I was sick for a bit when I was five, and the rest was blacked out," Rowan moaned, "I don't think there is any documented reason why my memories are gone. It's just a mystery I will never solve."

Maverick stood in front of them wide-eyed. He had no idea that this was the reason they didn't remember him or the horrible things that had happened in the past.

Why were they so thrilled to be at the college, or open to talking to Duke, and just being in this environment? Yet, he couldn't say what he was thinking, but he so desperately wanted to.

"I-I'm sorry to hear that Rowan," he replied shakily, "I...I have to get back to work. I'll talk to you guys later."

With that the older teen walked away, leaving Elias and Rowan to sit on that bench feeling disheartened and deeply saddened. It seemed that the truth about baby Rowan just might not exist after all.

"When will I stop lying to them?" Indigo asked Calvin as he sat on the side of her bed.

"I don't know, angel, that's a choice you have to make," he answered as he brushed the hair out of her face, "What's the harm of telling them the truth about some things?"

She shrugged, "Because it will cause them to ask more questions, questions I actually don't know the answer to."

"So, you think making them ignorant will make it better?" he posed softly.

"Not ignorant. It's just to make them forget about all of that and focus on the things that will make them happy."

"What if knowing even the slightest bit will make them happy?"

The French woman gave him a look.

"All alright, angel, I'll stop," he cooed, "I'm going to check on Casper."

She only nodded, still sulking from her previous conversation with her ward.

She could see Elias and Rowan sitting on the bench outside her room through the glass wall that held the door. Both of them with their backs to her. She had never lied so much in her life, it was eating her alive.