#they just. piss me off. all the time. for no reason

[mythicalsymplegma]

As an anthropologist and art historian this historical misrepresentation pisses me off.

So the piece of art that is going around “claiming” to be evidence of the so called “Roman salute” is this one:

Oath of the Horatii

By Jacques-Louis David

Made in 1784

(Currently housed at the Louvre)

All the news sources claiming “Roman salute” are saying that that is the gesture they are making here so it proves Roman’s did it…which is completely ignoring the actual history of the art itself and the reason it was commissioned.

The story in the painting:

According to Wikipedia (I know but i didn’t have time to fully dive down the resources rabbit hole), the story behind this painting revolves around a dispute between Rome and Alba Longa:

The tldr is essentially these three brothers are volunteering to be tribute to fight this small battle to win the war, and they’re just stretching out their arms to reach for their swords their dad holds, in determination.

It is just THAT. The determination to fight for their city, and reaching out to their father, who holds the swords a loft, knowing 2/3rds will die, but they want to fight anyways.

They’re JUST reaching for their swords it’s not that deep.

Additionally the history behind the commission of this piece ISNT EVEN ROMAN.

Jacques-Louis David was fucking French!

Living before and during the French Revolution

Poor guys was just influenced by the times he was living in and the political tentions of the world around him.

The determination to fight, and to stand up for one’s loyalty to one’s country was the boiling water under his feet that caused him to paint this.

It was partly patriotism but mainly the determination to stand up and fight for what you feel is right.

TLDR: It’s not a fucking “Roman salute” that’s utter bullshit. It’s just three guys wanting to get their swords from their dad who’s afraid they’re going to die. It’s also a tad bit of determination from the FRENCH revolution.

Anyone claiming “Roman Salute” is just a Nazi.

Just in case anyone needs a history lesson:

The nazi salute IS the roman salute. Because. They specifically chose to use... the roman salute. To invoke the grandiose and history of the roman empire. Like. That was a specific choice they made when they were creating their empire. They didn't call it a nazi salute. THE NAZIS CALLED IT A ROMAN SALUTE.

They did not happen to create a salute that looks identical. They said "we like the roman salute because the romans created the idea of fascism, so we are going to use it." Fascism, if you didn't know, is derived from the ROMAN word for a symbol called the Fasces. It represents the ultimate power of a single leader over their subjects! I wonder why that would be really appealing for them as a symbol!

They were ALSO taking a little inspiration from us, Americans, because we were also using it in the early part of the 1900s!

Because Americans ALSO liked the whole "connection to the roman empire" part! If you think white people NOW have a boner for the roman empire, you should have seen them a century ago!

Americans, understandably, stopped using it, because we got in a war with the only other people who were using it more than we were and were creating some real fucked-up associations with it: THE NAZIS.

[peachycocaine]

namgyu smut..? perchance..?

ABSOLUTELY!! omg i should start writing for other characters too like where is the diversity :/ nam gyus so fine but his character rlly pissed me off but i hope you like the fic!!

Whine n' dine

Pairings: namgyu x fem!reader

Tw: oral (f receiving), language. 18+ minors dni.

During the second game; six legged pentathlon, you had formed alliances with thanos and his group. Solely because there were no other people that took you in, all of them told you off because you were a woman. After the game you started hanging around them more and stuck with them. They were a bunch of pussies who needed to pop pills just to overcome the fear. You knew they'd carry you throughout all the games and thats why you relied on them. Though you hated how they treated the people around them you had to stick with them, for your own safety. Thanos would just be in his own world whereas nam gyu would be occupied being a lap dog for thanos and manipulating min su into voting O. You noticed nam gyus behaviour towards you though, he was always so mean to you but he still kept you close at all times. Everytime you'd go wandering off, he'd follow you around, brushing it off with a "just making sure you don't get lose around here dumbass."

He claimed the bed right next to yours as his, always sleeping on his side facing you. You didn't think much of it, thinking he was just keeping an eye on each move of yours so he's sure you dont betray them. At times you'd hear thanos taunting nam gyu by your name and nam gyu always getting flustered and elbowing thanos when he notices you heard him. He's tried to feed you one of those weird pills they take but you'd always refuse and so would thanos. Thanos always said "dude i don't got enough for the 3 of us!" of course he wasn't willing to share his coping mechanism. You found yourself hanging out around min su more than any other person from the group cause he was the sanest one there. You'd notice nam gyu shooting glares to min su everytime you were talking to him. And of course, min su would cower under his presence. When you continued clinging to min su, you noticed nam gyu acting meaner to min su, always tormenting him whenever he was given the chance to. Everytime you stuck up for him, he'd glare at you without saying a word, which was weird because when you first met, he cussed you out every hour of the day.

After the third game, you decided you were going to vote X. The money had gone up and it was enough to pay off your debts. Yes, it was selfish of you as other people still needed more to pay off theirs, but they were also somewhat selfish for willing to risk the lives of other people who still had so much to live for. You saw thanos and nam gyu eagerly trying to convince min su into voting O. You noticed how pushy nam gyu was being but you didn't bother interfering. You walked up to the voting box, and pressed the button X. Ripping off your bloody O patch and replacing it with the X. The X team cheered as it was now coming to a tie. You saw nam gyu from the O crowd staring you down, you just looked the other way.

It was meal time and you sat down on your bunk on the X side, finishing up your meal as nam gyu came stomped towards you. He hovered over you with a disdained look on his face "you're one selfish bitch you know that? Running away now that you have enough money to pay off your debt." He said through gritted teeth. You just narrowed your eyes at him "and? People like you are the reason so many people are dying in here" you scoffed. "So what? Theyre roaches, why pussy out now? Even if they do get out, some of them would still be in debt. It doesn't change a thing." His words dripped with fury, his temper tipping to the brink. You glared at him before getting up "shut the fuck up and go sit down somewhere" you mumbled under your breath before heading to the bathroom.

Lights out was in 30 seconds, you started setting your bed, dusting off the pillows and blankets. After the lights went off, you got into bed and pulled the blanket over you. You tossed and turned, trying to sleep as horrific memories flooded your head, the way people screamed and ran and begged for their lifes before getting put out their misery haunted you. The faces, the bodies, the blood on the ground knowing you could end up as one of them if the O team wins to vote tomorrow. Your eyes got heavier as your thoughts started getting blurry, you were drifting off to sleep before you felt someone standing behind you. Your body tensed as you tried to gather the courage to turn around, and when you finally did you saw nam gyu standing infront of you. You sat up and looked around, you'd be lying if you said you weren't scared to death right now. The red light illuminated his face, giving you a clear vision of his bitter expression. "What the fuck do you want?" You whsipered loud enough for him to hear. "I want to make you change your mind, princess." He said as he kneeled down to your level.

Your body reacted weirdly to the nickname, your panties getting uncomfortably sticky to your core. "W-what?! What're you doin-" you were cut off as he covered your mouth with his. Devouring your mouth, the kiss was fueled with hunger. His tongue invaded your mouth and for some reason, you couldn't help but kiss back. He pulled away chuckling before crawling onto your bed. He pushed you against the pillow as he began kissing you again, his body pressed against yours. You wrapped your hands around his neck, pulling him in closer if it was even possible. He pulled away, his eyes filled with lust as he began kissing down your neck. Biting and nipping at the soft skin, leaving evident marks. He sunk his teeth into the tender skin of your neck, making you wince. You tugged at his long black hair, tilting your head in an angle that gave him better access to your neck. You hated yourself for craving more.

He pulled away, licking his lips "spread." He said in a demanding tone. Your spread your legs wide as he lowered himself, his mouth leveled to your crotch. He smirked as he pulled down your pants, watching you suck air in through your teeth as the cold air hit your naked pussy. He wasted no time diving in, making out with your needy wet cunt hungrily. His tongue flicked at your sensitive clit, gaining a whimper from you. You tried supressing the continuous moans that were pulled out of you by slapping a hand over your mouth. He ran his tongue up and down your slit before shoving his tongue into your folds, his nose nudging your clit. You grabbed a fistful of his hair, your muffled moans filling the air as he ate you out like a man starved since the dinosaurs. He grabbed your thighs as they were closing in on him, trapping his head between your legs. He kept licking and sucking at your clit eating you out like a full course meal until you could feel yourself getting closer. " 'm gonna cum!" You almost screamed and you felt him grin against your pussy. He started eating you out faster and harder, eager to make you cum. After a few flicks, you came undone on his tongue. Your body twitched and shook as you panted. He lapped at all your juices before getting up and wiping his mouth with his sleeve. A satisfied smirk tugged at his lips as he admired your shaking form.

"You know how to thank me doll, vote O tomorrow, got it?"

[coffeegnomee]

genuinely i think alot of kaboodle's actions on lifesteal can be explained by her scripted lore background. the world of scripted lore is fraught with the idea that "lore" is just... being miserable. it was something that made it difficult for me to get into ksmp (though i did eventually enjoy it), because it felt just so awful all the time. pointless arguments didn't tug at my heartstrings, it made me frustrated. but that's besides the point

i think maybe one of the reasons she takes everything way harder than she should and exaggerates relationships and disagreements is perhaps because she is drawing in past experience to be a good entertainer, in the way she is familiar with. which is so fair! we are formed by our backgrounds. it does unfortunately make it difficult to watch her if you're accustomed to the more ""live action"" sort of format lifesteal is usually in, where people seperate their characters from themselves a little less. but she has a good size audience that seems to fw it, so i dunno

that's just my take on the overuse of the word "betrayal" and such

agree but disagree. yes scripted is usually just being miserable but zam is just miserable all the time and his lore actually makes sense and is very entertaining to watch and he also separates himself from his character (to a degree). but when he is miserable he is consistently miserable while also doing some fun things to distract from the misery or making some impact on the server like cleaning up spawn while being miserable to chat. kab just sits around and talks and does fuck all. sorry. hating. a lot of hating below.

and it's annoying because she is miserable but then will go be fighting her inner demons of destruction, but then won't destroy because she doesn't want to be mean and she cares so much, but then she plans to destroy anyway but then she doesn't do it and doesn't have any consistency in any motivation or characterization and she's all over the place. every hour her emotional state is different and there's absolutely no effort at a throughline and everything before is just thrown out the window.

And it pisses me off that she does come from scripting because surely her characters on ksmp had some throughline and consistency.

and yet her inconsistency on ls does make sense bc in scripted you can plan and succeed with every plan you make when you are literally scripting the outcome.

but on lifesteal you can plan for something cool and fun and it can be taken away in an instant by the very same people you were trying to impress and that is hard and will send anyone into being tilted.

and trying to decide how to react to that is wildly difficult and i dont really envy them having to figure out what to do, but i do wish she would DO something. but that's also unfair because she is doing something, she's rebuilding. but while rebuilding she's going between wanting 4c to help her while also trying to convince him to betray his team while also trying to convince him to give her a heart without a fight while also planning to kill him while also reminding herself she has to be nice to him. so she's just using him. just say it with your full chest. you never cared about him and you just want someone else to do the work to get your own selfish self-pity plan back on the server.

you want to complain and then have someone swoop in and save you. and you dont want to make any effort to actually care about that person.

it's miserably sad and annoying to watch because lifesteal is about caring about people, and she goes on and on an on about caring *so much* but she doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. and she lies to herself and and chat and insists that she cares.

and yes that's a rather consistent characterization to through at ls!kab but damn if it doesn't read like that at all and she went from genuinely apologizing to 4c to just using him flat out and reminding herself that she needs to use him and cant just kill him.

maybe its just that she's vilely unlikable. maybe that's the point in her scripted mind. make a hatable character. and yet her actions also speak to desperately trying to make a likable character whom youre sympathetic to, she tries desperately to guilt trip and pull at the heartstings about how shes just been betrayed so many times and life is so hard for her and shes so weak and how could you be mean to someone so pathetic and wounded.

but she's not likable at all. she doesnt care about a single other soul or what they care about. the second they put a boundary up she wants to run and leave, which, fair enough, actually a cool characterization of trauma but like also so abusive-coded. but in the end she chose to not abandon bacon as far as we can tell, but i can tell you give it two seconds and that thought will come back and she'll decide to betray him anyway. because nothing is consistent and nothing she says has any long term value. she just goes on the past five minutes to decide what she will do.

she's just so fake and that fakeness can be attributed to the character, but it only feels even more fake because she insists it's a character and not her as she turns around and does something that makes more sense for her to do as herself than the character. she is being two people existing on the same account, swapping out whenever necessary. but that's stupid. take responsibility for your actions and your emotions. stop blaming others.

and yes. it all goes back to how painfully different scripted mcrp is from unscripted.

and i know for damn sure that this will not be like this next season because she will learn from this season. or she doesn't. and that's what's so frustrating. the possibility that she never learns why lifesteal is lifesteal.

the possibility that she keeps writing asshole abusive characters that just get more abusive because of her own internal mental problems that lay unresolved and shoved under the rug like they aren't part of the character even though they are part of herself. she refuses to look at herself and acts like if just just acts hard enough they won't affect anything. they effect everything. you can't run from yourself when you are making unscripted content.

and yes. i am being really mean about someone who clearly has a lot of baggage. yes i am being mean about someone who is abusive as a defense mechanism and hates boundaries because of fear of being alone and all these things that are basically the bully being bullied at home type beat.

but she embraces none of it. doesn't even see any of it. thinks she has written a cute story with kazam, a cute ship that may be a little messed up but is at it's core cute.

it's fucking abusive and shit. it makes my skin crawl. zam is screaming to be let out of it and she thinks it's sunshine and roses. she is, to use the word literally, delusional about her actions. she thinks they are one thing when they are anything besides that.

but we do have one success story. and the trend goes that every lifestealer learns what lifesteal is by their second or third season. they all eventually get it. vi chose to do a very distinct character vs streamer in s4 and he crashed and burned to a degree unfathomable. and he learned from it. and he now says that was his favorite story he ever told. he see's how he's grown as a person because of it.

there is only hope in the future when it comes to kaboodle. lifesteal genuinely changes you and makes you grow. not because you choose to grow, but because it forces it out of you.

but in this moment im just constantly a ball of rage and constantly sent into sadness every time i watch. and she keeps interacting with my mains so im not going to just miss the story, and the progression is already happening, the kablantis shock is a genuinely lifesteal trauma moment for kab and is already changing her in good ways. this is the story, this is part of watching lifesteal. the meta conflict is what makes this server painfully unique. this difficult encounter with players that piss you off. because people in life are like this. people can suck and hurt each other and don't look at their internal mental state, they shove things under the rug and think they're fine and cause sorrow and pain when life gets difficult. that's life. encountering it as story really helps understand the people around you. to be more compassionate, be able to see when theyre hurting and chose to be kind anyway. to learn how to feel the negative emotions and process them and not run from them yourself. or learn how to stick up for yourself and put up your own boundaries and learn that you can. to figure out who you are. it's the best. and the worst. and leaves me hating until i realize it is interesting even though i hate it.

[eclipseberrycake]

Top Shelf (Support! Reader x Sprout)

AN: Oooh mr. Seedly. I love making you all fall in love with my version of Sprout >:) Then requesting more Sprout >:) Then I get to write more Sprout >:)

This is a request!

☁ Now, now, now. A support toon.

☁ Hear me out. An ability like Gigi, but instead of getting the objects yourself, you give a random object to a toon of your choice.

☁ Of course, you give this to Sprout, all the time. Because it's funny.

☁ Imagine he's hiding from a twisted behind a box and is suddenly pelted by gumballs falling from the air above him, your giggles falling away.

☁ Just as he goes to yell at you, the twisted spots him and he's left running to lose them, glaring at you as you snicker from your own hiding place.

☁ Sprout is an overprotective guy, we've established well enough, and this ability kind of pisses him off.

☁ Why is he taking something, especially when luck strikes and it's something like a band or a med-kit, when it could be going to you?

☁ A part of him knows that this is your way of showing affection however. You do what you can to protect him while he's always giving you heals whenever needed. It's a give and take really.

☁ I haven't really touched on it directly in the MBC works, but Sprout is a touchy guy. He loves just touching for no reason. But he's a jerk when he does it/ affectionate

☁ He's leaning on you like you're a table, messing with your head, using his hands to steer your shoulders wherever he wants, holding you like one would hold a cat, crouching down to talk face-to-face with you even if the height difference isn't that great.

☁ He even does that thing where he holds your forehead with one hand while the other holds something out of your reach.

☁ Like I'm sorry but I love the Lovers who are actually each others biggest haters. It's so funny to me.

☁ Don't get me wrong, if you're with Sprout, you're probably returning it tenfold.

☁ You call him over for tapes only to take them the second he's close enough to do so (Oooh ginger mains when I CATCH YOU GINGER MAINS-), running off giggling even if he's quick enough to catch you. You're making sure you're using your ability when he's in the worst situation, making him stumble to catch the bottle of pop as Twisted Teagan chases him down.

☁ It's all in good fun, trust.

☁ You guys probably get together because he's talking to Cosmo about his feelings an Cosmo goes "You want me to set you up with them?" And like a FOOL, he agrees. So, in the elevator where it's isolated with no escape route, Cosmo SCREAMS across the elevator. "HEY Y/N SPROUT LIKES YOU!"

☁ He would throttle the cake roll yet.

☁ He nearly did when you turned at the sound of your name from your conversation with Glisten, who hides his laugh behind his hand. You're cheeks immediately flush as your brain computes the knowledge given to you and Sprout wants to crawl into a hole and die.

☁ And then you laugh. It's slow little giggles and then hearty laughter that makes his stomach flip hearing it. You shake your head before beaming. "I would hope so, as far as I'm aware, we've been dating for months."

☁ Which was news to him. He gapes as Cosmo cackles, patting Sprout's back before running into the newly opened room. The only two left in the elevator are him and you. You watch the others leave, before stepping just enough the elevator won't kick you out, watching Sprout as he steps beside you.

☁ He avoids your eyes as he scratches the back of his neck, his own seeded cheeks turning a more ruby red. You grin at him, gently taking his hand. "What's wrong, Seedly?"

☁ All signs of the bashful, shy Sprout are immediately dashed as he deadpans at you, raising a brow ridge at the use of his name. You smirk up at him again, nudging him with a shoulder.

☁ "Did you really think we were dating?" He suddenly asks and your face falls. It makes his own gut twist as he goes to try and rectify it, but you're already talking, trying to take your hand back. "I'm so sorry, did I read the signs all wrong? I thought when you mentioned feeling closed to me a couple weeks ago-"

☁ He had done that. He mentioned being closest with you weeks ago, and was going confess then, but wussed out. To know now, that you took it that way anyway? His hands tighten around yours. "I was!" He blurts. "I was going to, admittedly." He frowns at this even as you stop trying to pull away. "I chickened out, but I do like you. A lot. I did then and I do now."

☁ You stare at him before letting out a sigh of relief, shaking your head with a grin. "Oh, Mr. Seedly-"

☁ "Well if you're calling me that-" Sprout is the one to try and pull away this time, making you giggle as you try and grab him again, saying all sorts of denials and apologies through your laughter.

☁ He lets you grab his cheeks, staring into the pools of your eyes with a dopey grin on his face. Sure Cosmo was being chased by a twisted right now, but he'd be fine. He deserved it. At least for a little.

☁ "Can I kiss you?" You ask suddenly, and his cheeks burn a bright red, only able to mindlessly nod his head. You reach up and press a kiss to his lips, only a quick peck, but he swears fireworks go off somewhere.

☁ You grin at him once more and there's suddenly something much heavier and cylindrical in his hands. You're waving as you run off, and he's left staring between his hand, which now holds a can of pop, and you're retreating form before laughing at himself and what's he's gotten himself into before turning to save Cosmo.

☁ Cosmo gives him all sorts of scoldings in the elevator after the fact, but Sprout can't even find it in himself to care, leaning his chin on your head even as you swat at him.

☁ He does love your ability, let me add, he just wishes sometimes you'd use it in a better time. There are times however when it's perfect.

☁ He doesn't distract often, not if he can help it, but when he does and he feels himself running on empty, only for a bottle of pop to appear? He's forever thankful. Or when he's been too busy healing everyone else, he doesn't realize he himself has been hit until he's being smoked with a bandage box.

☁ In return, he throws cupcakes at you.

☁ All in the names of healing.

☁ He's such a turd sometimes I swear.

[red-takami]

HEYY RED I LOVE YOUR CONTENT

i just came here bc i wanted to ask how bakugo was in your MHA DR

I'm glad you like it 🧌🖤

In 1a I mainly hang out with him, kirishima and a few others like 99% of my free time when I'm not doing something else like sleeping like the dead or fighting for my life somewhere off campus 🌚🙏🏽 me and bakugo had a very rough ish start if I'm being honest. People with big egos just piss me off more than anything else (cough cough because of my Cr dad cough) so I'm always just immediately irritated a bit when I meet people like that so it's nothing surprising. It's okay though because of course later on I moved past that and we ended up alright. When I decided to shift to mha, I basically knew nothing of it fr nor the people I was gunna be surrounded with, I was just focused and excited entirely for the whole quirk and hero shit yk.

People like bakugo, to me, are people that you will need to have patience and understanding if you want to befriend them (it feels weird talking about him like I'm giving advice to single mothers out there or sum about how to deal with an unruly kid 😭 I promise guys seriously he's not that bad at all he's a very good guy especially later on, which is why I said PATIENCE because again, he's a person that goes through a LOT in a short ass amount of time. Understanding and balancing that with your own standards/personality is key.)

My personal relationship with him is mainly just me tagging along as much as I can and eventually he just let it happen. Same thing with kirishima as well, like the reason why I even put up with his attitude was because I genuinely could see us becoming friends in the future and that's exactly what happened. Before I left, we were the closest we've been since I've been shifting to this Dr, I mainly say this because I started to withdraw from everything, school, our usual training and gym seshs, hanging out together or just being in each other's presence, I just stopped and that's what made me realize that he either got so used to it that he noticed this pretty much immediately, or he actually values our friendship (that was shady ik I'm only half joking)

Hes genuinely a good guy, again, like of course he's got his flaws but so does everyone else. Besides, we're all teenagers dude, of course we're gunna be messy. ESPECIALLY with everything happening like the hero course, and villains getting in the way, legit just making life harder for us than it already is yk.

.....his parents too? My god. I bout moved in and kicked him out of his own damn house honestly, they're both so lovely. Truthfully, they're such a beautiful family, their relationship is something I envy like hell😭. ANYWAYS

I feel like I don't talk/post about my friends back at UA so feel free to ask about any of them.

11:11 as I post this go shift yall

[mamushroomoracorn]

This is not a Anti Palestine Reblog, Zionist go away this is just criticism towards 3rd party to Non-voters of the non afflicted who was trying to show well meaning support, that I think like many others was the worse manner to do so.

As I understand why some third party voters did what they did regarding Gazan genocide that is and was currently happening.

They are valid.

My anger is not directed at Muslims, Arabs, Natives, Palestinians or ethinic groups from countries effected by Isreal terrorism and American government complicity, who these individuals have decided rightfully so making that move to not vote or vote in morality.

Because in this case morality is a question for these people who own folks is effected by this genocidial country and its colonial apartheid state accompanying it.

DNC, Democratic National Committee have lost these people on the argument of "being better choice" when they should of a long time ago drop the AIPAC deals and pressed on Joe Biden.

Zionists is not different much from N_zis for people who is struggling during this horrid event.

But I'm still upset my people(Black) who is also effected by Isreal in our police systems: Is really going to be seared on the skin for "revenge" to "get back at the democratic party" sins.

I have watched overtime, non-black people anti-blackness came out, towards black allies of Palestine for recommending voting for Harris who most reasons is for damage control.

Stating in direct verbal verbatim: "Your oppression doesn't matter. I dont care how opressed you are. If you vote for so and so you're a zionist"

Or "You're voting for a cop, so you must not care."

Which is Belittling. my oppression in the name of ineffective saviorism utterly disgust me to the core hearing statements like this.

Expressly to a nuance situation like voting.

Considering the fact black people don't really have a choice to vote in order to survive like plenty others.

Then of course these fuck ass tankies argue back "What about Jill stein?" Under black progressive posts, Piss me off even harder.

As even reccomending to me Jill Stein in the first place considering the fact she does jack shit other than "exposure", is fucking rude. As if she haven't not using her funds to even grassroot for all these years.

Let alone be president of a nation.

I feel like a lot of third party people who isn't the afflicted I mentioned above. Chosen willful ignorance when even debating she is a "better harris".

Jill wasted pro Palestinian supporters Donors money, she have isreali family and had donations from companies like Amazon, IBM and other pro Isreal companies.

Now they are flip flopping to:

"America is going to a fascist state anyways so why trying saving it? Let it burn." As if my people hard work we done brick by brick for 60+ years in civil affairs to protect our youth is NOT crumbling in front of my eyes.

I feel like I'm being gaslit by all these "leftists" about their wash out version of evangelical doomsday.

About the fact that they REALLY "didn't" went anti-strategic voting. Towards everyone expressly black voters.

Calling them liberals and zionists like I stated above and why that is extremely ignorant in nature.

Even trying to explain to them this isn't just about gazans life and homes at risk if you let these Neo-Nazis win.

It was your own very effectiveness to even protest in the first place.

.

Due to their very real inflicted trauma (that I can empathize with) they got it from seeing such horrors. They actively tone that shit out, being racist even in their response which is inexcusable in my eyes.

But inflicting their own trauma everyone else as a "final button" when there was so options to approach the situation instead of nurturing their emotional state by using a crucial election to do so to express their hurt.

When that should of been left alone to the afflicted groups.

This is not the "stick to the system" moment they thought it was. Since rich politicians won't be affected, their stock is in AIPAC so DonaldTrump winning would of just made them richer anyways.

Only the result is your allies will be compromised.

The highest group being minorities, and loudly verbally black people.

Which I already seen black people LEAVING to focus on their own community for the hellish mourning upcoming years because people decided voting effectively didn't matter.

"It's all about morality" I'm doubting it as I think it is just trauma, obviously only leaving alone afflicted groups because actions speak more than words or symbolism to case to case person.

As we seen during the failed BLM protests due to such actions like "Third party voters guilt mentality" Instead of effective action that WILL do both mortality and progress.

People was doing black boxes, painting their skin half black, advocating for black people over our own voices instead of elevating it, spamming people comments.

Yet again not listening to black voices in grassrooting but instead doing vote blue no matter who or offering Jill Stein.

That we eventually have to adopt anyways by force due to the face yet again non-black people decided to that.

Which landed in a situation like the 2024 election where turns out not taking action in primaries and midterms does have consequences where eventually YES you had to vote for the lesser evil.

It was fucking stupid how we got to the point in the 2024, yet again due to non voters/third parties.

When really the best course of action YEARS PRIOR was to vote in these elections and pay attention to the candidates. Promote others within your towns or cities through donation and having those special elections enacted by the people to make it harder for lobbying to happen on a state level to HAVE POWER to prevent such horrors like the Gazan Genocide.

But what was people doing? Stating theory, debating, and thinking we was safe in a way to get our voices considered when that could of been put in action in the first place to have that safety come in fruition.

Black people vote like they are buying time, because they are! We are buying time to put in more actual safe guards through law because takes time.

We use that time to take care our inner traumas not to be effected when tragedy strikes and move in effective manners.

Most non-black people have the privileges(not anymore) to ignore this due to our labor in the power of strategically voting.

Black people feel extreme uneasiness for a fucking reason when non-black people get in our black business about voting when we literally fundamentally don't have choices in this damn country.

Allies or not:

This election and the ones prior reflect that, as so much was at stake that I could only speak for myself on as a black person but I know many others who aren't my people was going to be effected.

These people decided even though most black people live in the Bible belt. Decided to reflect themselves(who is not the afflicted groups) really badly in the eyes of plenty of black people non-surprisingly during this election.

By not showing at least empathy for those also effected by Isreal in heavy policed states that will kill you even if you are a innocent, a child, a mother, a father, a grandparent, or a disabled.

They decided to withdrawl empathy twisting the arms of people who helped them by stating they are part of the problem.

For voting for a chance for everyone life despite the rest of the group beyond the afflicted. Only others pride is only going to be effected since those people stated themselves "both parties is the same".

Despite the major differences that they are now seeing now, afraid like we warn them.

A problem that been also oppressing us, A problem that is 80+ years that is both parties. An massive systematic issue that have barely any control in our hands, but only those cherry picked in position that doesn't speak for the community.

We are not a monolith, We are not a hive mind, We black people is not a entity.

We are a group with rich culture here in the US that values history. We are Poets, Artists, and Historians.

We are inventors, we are political scientists.

We barely vote third for a reason and now we are seeing it, being effected, choked out due to others own disregard.

Why are we finding out for others actions[lack there of]

I'm tired of it, I'm tired of my people being body shields then cast away by my "allies".

This isn't just about black people in the US it is about the Haitians, the Congolese and those who are black or dark skinned that Is forgotten.

When will my people be free from the years of imperialism? We busted our asses helping putting down our own problems and got the short end of the stick.

Due to the HELP of traumatized white teens and mourning white women deciding the day is to make doomsday a sacrifice for "All American sinners" and make a morality vote. Thinking in their own racial bias black people are men of steel.

Then of course people thinking life should be put under eggs.

But this post is about the hand these people played alongside many others who done my people dirty.

Putting us in very dangerous hands, ignoring their own hands in it the seeping bucket of blood that is soon to come.

Slavery wasn't even solve and it is going to get worse. All that progress because people thought effectiveness of voting for nothing.

Good job you guys fell into the systematic hands of the conservative parties as they wanted you to do that.

[fear-is-truth]

how about the evans and how they react if they’re having a hard time with getting hard one night for some reason lol

⋆𐙚 ₊ the evans… having trouble gettin’ it up .ᐟ

ft. tate langdon ‧ kit walker ‧ james patrick march ‧ kai anderson | content warning: mention of murder

a/n: i love your mind. love it

⟢ 𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐃𝐎𝐍.

insecure as hell. tate would immediately spiral if he couldn’t get hard, thinking it’s a reflection of his feelings toward you or that he’s not good enough. he’d probably blame it on something else entirely—like his antidepressants (which he’s not even on, but he’s a liar lol).

would shut down or get defensive, saying things like, “it’s not you, inswear, i don’t know what’s wrong with me.” he’s terrified that you’ll think he’s not attracted to you anymore or that it means he’s not invested in the relationship.

the reassurance you’d have to give him would be important to make him feel like it’s okay and not a big deal. tate would probably even apologise multiple times, thinking it’s somehow his fault, but deep down, he just needs to hear that you understand.

⟢ 𝐊𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐑.

kit would handle it with humour. he’d try to make light of the situation, brushing off his embarrassment with a joke like, “guess this is a sign i should quit smoking, huh?” or “maybe i need more sleep, i’ve been working way too much.” he’d definitely avoid making a big deal out of it, trying to keep the mood light so you don’t feel like it’s uncomfortable.

even when he’s joking, he’d quickly follow it up with something like, “it’s not you suga’. i’m just tired, is all. let’s just relax, yeah?”

would definitely want to get physically close again without any pressure. he’d suggest cuddling or doing something non-sexual to remind you that he’s still connected to you and cares, even if things aren’t going exactly as planned in the bedroom. :,)

⟢ 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇.

why do i feel like he’d murder someone to get hard.

james is a man of action. in his mind, everything can be fixed with a little… bloodshed. “perhaps all i need is a little inspiration,” he’d purr, already reaching for his gloves and heading to find an unfortunate victim. he’d return looking way too pleased with himself, claiming he felt “rejuvenated” (because what’s better than committing a crime of passion to reignite the passion?).

he’d turn it into a twisted declaration of love. somehow, this would all end with him professing his undying devotion to you. “what is my pride, my soul, if it means pleasing you?” (completely glossing over the fact that his coping mechanism just involved committing homicide.)

“you do inspire me, my love. it seems my earlier lapse has been remedied—shall we?” because, ofc, in true james fashion, he has to make it theatrical.

⟢ cult leader .ᐟ 𝐊𝐀𝐈 𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍.

if kai couldn’t get hard, his ego would take a serious hit, and he wouldn’t handle it well. his whole thing is about masculinity and control, so any loss of that would send him into a tailspin. he’d get defensive and PISSED. so his first instinct would be to project it all onto you.

assumes that you’d see this as some sign of failure on his part and take it personally, even if you hadn’t said anything to imply that.

would tell you that you’re simply “not turning him on” or “he’s just not in the mood,” bc there’s nothing more dangerous than a humiliated man lol.

he’d try to regain control of the situation. if he’s still upset, he’d get a little cold or distant. later, he’d try to turn things around by controlling the narrative, either with a dominant act or by shutting down any attempt at discussing it.

[flieslikeamoron]

For the ask meme, if you're still doing it! I wish you would write a fic where either Eddie or Steve can read the other's mind, or feel their emotions, or are otherwise psychically linked in some way. :)

Hiiiii! At one point I was thinking about writing a soul bond type of thing where the bat bites create a hive mind that Steve and Eddie share. Your ask reminded me of the idea so I wrote a little bit of what that could have been like. Some dicks and stuff behind the cut.

-*-

It’s not that weird.

Sure, it’s a little strange Steve always seems to know when Eddie pulls into the parking lot at Family Video. Even if he’s in the back room, couldn’t possibly have heard the rattle of the van’s rusted muffler. 

And yes, he can tell when Eddie’s hungry. Thirsty. Tired. Can tell without asking if he’s craving a burger or spaghetti. Can tell where Eddie is in a room without looking. Can feel it like a magnet pulling. But he knows when Robin’s hungry just by looking too. Or when she has a crush on someone. He knows when Nancy’s fed up or trying not to laugh. He knows when Dustin’s about to go off on some nerd rant before he starts talking. 

It’s just because they’re friends now. That has to be why he feels so much better when Eddie’s around. Like something he didn’t know was missing clicking into place. That’s friendship, isn’t it? 

It’s not that weird. 

Not compared to all the shit they’ve been through. It’s nice, actually, the way Eddie smiling at him sinks deep into him like sunshine on his skin. The way Eddie’s pacing footsteps or the drumming of his fingers on the counter thumps in a rhythm against Steve’s chest. Even when Eddie’s pissed, it rattles like rain on a tin roof in a way Steve kind of likes. 

It’s just because Steve likes him. It’s not a big deal that he hasn’t felt exactly like this about any of the other people he’s friends with. Any of the people he loves. Different isn’t bad. There’s no reason to mention it. What would he even say? Do you know when I’m thirsty too? Do you feel like a lock turning when you touch me? That does make it sound weird. And what if Eddie says no. What if Eddie has no idea what he’s even talking about. 

No, Steve will just give him a Coke when he knows Eddie wants a Coke. And bask in the smile that gets him. There’s no reason to bring it up. To make it weird.

Until.

It comes out of nowhere, heat building low in his gut when Steve’s in the middle of putting his laundry away. He’s got the phone trapped between his ear and his shoulder, Robin on the other end giving him a play-by-play of her latest not-date with Vicki. He puts the rest of his jeans away, trying to ignore how turned on he is for no apparent reason. But there’s something fucked up about having Robin’s voice in his ear while he’s popping a boner. 

“I gotta go,” he interrupts. “Sorry, I forgot I have to-” He tries to think of something he could be doing that’s not jerking off.

“Am I boring you?”

“No I just-” He stops again. This time because he has the oddest feeling. Almost the feeling of a hand on him. Of fingers pinching into his nipple. It’s never really done much for him, having his nipples played with. But a pulse of heat goes right through his balls. He curls a hand thoughtlessly against his boner, feeling the needy weight of it. “I’ll call you in a sec.” He can hear Robin protesting as he hangs up and tosses the phone aside. 

She calls right back, but he lets it ring. Too busy tugging his pants down. He can’t explain anyway. That he just really needs to get off right now. It’s rude as hell. He doesn’t know why he’s- But he’s so turned on. He’ll make it up to her after he gets this out of his system. 

He tugs his underwear down enough to get his dick out, starting to stroke himself with one hand, the other braced on his dresser. He likes to start slow normally, get himself worked up, but he feels strung tight as if he’s already been at it for a while. He spits in his hand, spreads precome down the shaft. Watching his hand move, the head of his dick red and slick in the circle of his fingers. 

There’s something wrong with his vision, something sort of blurry like a double exposure in a photograph. He blinks. It’s like the almost there of another hand, that’s not his hand. Of a dick that’s not his dick. He can almost feel it ghost against his skin when that hand moves, off rhythm with his. It’s making his dick throb, gut snarled tight with heat. It’s making him dizzy. He closes his eyes, and tries to focus on the slide of his hand. Just his hand. Tries to picture Phoebe Cates getting out of the pool. Perfect boobs and a slo-mo smile. But the picture in his head feels impossible to hold on to. Feels like he can’t- 

And then he’s seeing himself a little hazy and far away like looking through clear water. It’s him pulling himself out of the pool in his swim team speedos. Muscles flexing. Water streaming off him. Hand running through his own wet hair, and a cocky grin on his face. 

And okay, he knows he’s a good-looking guy. But he’s not- His ego isn’t this big. This isn’t the him he sees in the mirror. It’s sort of- Everything a little better than he actually is. The him he wishes he was. 

He didn’t- The shape of it feels wrong inside his head, like it doesn’t fit right. But he’s watching himself sitting down now, at the edge of the pool. And there's someone still in the water. There are hands on his thighs. A mouth on his cock. He can’t see much of the other person but long, dark, wet hair. He can almost feel it, the heat of that mouth on his cock. The sizzle of it through his mind going straight to his balls. And every time he strokes himself it’s like he feels it in his dick, and then he feels it again somehow like an echo throbbing through him. An overwhelming feedback loop of want and need and how good it feels. God. Fuck. I’m gonna come. He is gonna come, but he hears it against the inside of his head, and it doesn’t sound like him. It sounds like-

“Eddie?” he says cautiously. Out loud and in his head too.

He feels a quick stab of shock, fear. It feels like the rest of it. Sort of the wrong shape inside his body, inside his head. And then it’s like he’s got a song stuck in his head, but it’s a heavy metal song he’s never heard before. 

“Eddie?” He thinks it harder. Tries to make it a scream, send it out past the inside of his own head. But the music keeps going, the noise of it so loud he can hardly think past it, can’t hear past it to whatever Eddie’s thinking behind it. That is Eddie behind it though, he’s pretty sure. That was Eddie just now. The things Steve was feeling. That was what Eddie was thinking about while he was getting off. He was thinking about Steve. 

Steve should be more weirded out by that, probably. Knowing he’s starring in Eddie Munson’s wet dreams is a bit of a surprise. He didn’t even know Eddie’s gay. He waits to feel shocked or upset, but outside of being kind of confused how any of this is even happening, he doesn’t seem to mind it. It’s a compliment, really. If that’s the way Eddie sees him. He kind of likes it, actually, in a deep down, self-satisfied way that makes him wonder if he does need to work on his ego after all. 

He feels vaguely guilty that he accidentally ruined the guy’s jerk off session. He looks down at his hand on his dick. He’s not sure if he should finish now. It’s like stolen valor or something. Is he even horny or was he just piggy-backing? However he got here, he’s still pretty close. He gives himself a couple careful strokes. Can Eddie feel that? Or was it just a one way connection? He heard it when Steve thought his name though. The heavy metal is still fucking blasting, so maybe he can’t hear or feel Steve past that just like Steve can’t hear him. He doesn’t know if he should risk it though. 

It’s pretty fucking weird.

The kind of weird he can’t ignore. 

He takes a cold shower, the heavy metal stuck in his head starting to give him a headache. Could you turn it down a little? he tries thinking. If it gets through to Eddie, he ignores it. Steve tries to figure out if there’s a way to turn down the volume on his end. Putting his fingers in his ears doesn’t help. He tries counting backward from a hundred and that seems like it does something, sort of. But as soon as he stops counting he can hear the music just as loud. Maybe Eddie will turn it off on his own if Steve gives him a little time to stop freaking out. 

He’s got to be freaking out. Having the dude you’re jerking off about pop up in your head has to be the nightmare scenario of all time. But how is Steve supposed to tell him it’s cool if he won’t stop putting up a wall of sound?

Or maybe Steve could try something a little less direct than whatever this head to head connection is. He tries calling Eddie’s trailer. No answer. He tries the walkie. No answer.

He wonders if Eddie can tell he’s pulling into the trailer park like Steve can always tell when he’s pulling up the street to Steve’s house. Steve can feel it. That magnet tug as he walks up the stairs. That feeling just underneath his breast bone that always seems to orient toward Eddie like a compass pointing north. He wonders if Eddie can feel that too. 

But maybe he can’t, because he looks shocked when he opens the door. Wide-eyed for just a second. The music breaks apart in Steve’s head enough that he can feel fear, just for a second. Less than that. Barely long enough to notice if he hadn’t been paying attention. And then the music starts up again, and whatever Eddie’s feeling is hidden behind it. Behind the easy laugh as he reaches out to thump Steve on the chest with the back of his hand like normal. Says, “You couldn’t call?” like Steve didn’t. Says, “You’re lucky I don’t have a life,” and tugs Steve in through the doorway. Like normal. 

For a moment Steve thinks maybe it was all in his head. Maybe he’s just like- Losing it. Maybe he's making up weird shit and thinking he and Eddie have some kind of psychic connection and hearing things that aren’t there and seeing things that aren’t there. Maybe none of it is real. And there’s nothing weird here except him. 

But there’s music in his head. And he doesn’t know this song.

[witchygagirlwrites]

Jay Halstead x Reader

Jay really hates your boyfriend

Smut, it's smut 🤷‍♀️

Elijah Wilson. If someone came up to Jay on the street and told him they could give him one million then and there to say something good about the man, well he’d still be showing up to work the next day wouldn’t he? He couldn’t stand the man. Defense attorney, some ivy league silver spoon trust fund kid that didn’t have a single callous on his hands.  Every time he saw him he was wearing a freaking tailored suit for god’s sake. What the hell you were doing with a man like that he had no clue.

You lived in blue jeans and fitted tees. In the winter your change up was either long sleeve tees or henleys. He wasn’t saying you couldn’t doll up when you wanted to, no you couldn’t knock em dead at any gala CPD was summoned to but you were drop dead gorgeous slamming perps to the ground in your gear in his book.  He knew for a fact Elijah didn’t know your favorite band, your favorite coffee order or your time of year. Elijah didn’t know what gun you preferred to carry or what you scored the last time you recertified, he probably couldn’t even tell you your arrest record. Jay could answer damn near any question about you quicker than he could about himself.

He hated Elijah. The asshole had hurt your feelings one too many times, he’d overheard one too many phone calls you’d had with him, Adam had mentioned too many conversations he’d heard you having with Kim. He made you doubt yourself. That was the reason why Jay had nearly kicked his ass on more than one occasion. Once Voight had stepped in and another Kelly had just happened to be in the right place at the right time to keep Jay from catching a bad enough charge that would jeopardize his badge.

Jay wasn’t an idiot to his own feelings. He knew how he felt about you. He had for some time but he wasn’t going to say anything. You wanted the trust fund asshole, so be it. That didn’t mean he had to like it and just because you were partners and friends that didn’t mean he had to be around you too much after the clock struck quitting time, even if it killed him inside a little every time you’d smile at him and ask if he wanted to grab a beer after work or call him for a coffee before work and he’d have to turn you down.

You were tired of fighting with Elijah. It seemed that was all you two did anymore. You had a fundraiser coming up for CPD that as a member of Voight’s unit you were expected to attend. You made a decision that you would talk to Elijah and if the two of you couldn’t come to some form of agreement you’d call it quits.

You drove over to his place and parked your truck next to his mercedes. You had to laugh at the image. You climbed out your truck and headed for the door. You tried it and it turned so you let yourself in “Elijah?” the moment you stepped over the threshold you heard a distinctly feminine moan. That son of a bitch.

Luckily for you, your job meant you could be a sneaky bastard when the moment called for it. You were through his apartment and to the bedroom door before either of them could realize what was going on. You pushed the door open and saw Elijah was on top of some blonde chic, her face down in the pillow and her hands clenched in the sheets as he rutted into her. “Well by all means, don’t let me stop you. I just think I left my shoes here after my last gala and I have a fundraiser on friday” you spoke and it was comical the way they both tried to scurry away from each other.

You laughed when Elijah hit the floor. “Oh honey, you could’ve finished. I seriously just need the shoes. We’re done by the way” he had the nerve to look pissed as he snatched the blanket off the floor to wrap around his waist “And I bet I know who’s bed you’ll wind up in” you stepped into the closet and quickly found the shoes in question before stepping out and looking back at him before saying “If his bed had ever been an option I would have never given you the time of day” then turned and walked out.

You turned in front of the mirror for the third time. The dress was a simple black number, had a high enough slit to give you movement but still modest enough for a decorated detective. Antonio had offered to pick you up so you didn’t have to drive. You were grateful for that. A friendly face. 

You heard your phone ring and checked the time before answering it “Hey Dawson” “I’m outside sweetheart” you smiled at hearing him “On my way out” you grabbed your clutch and slipped your phone and keys in before going out to meet him. At least you would be with your unit tonight, even if some of them you weren’t sure still even considered you a friend or not.

____________________

Jay was standing with Adam,Kevin and Kim when he spotted Antonio walk in with you on his arm? What were you doing with Antonio? His eyes stayed glued to you as the two of you walked towards their group. Your hair was styled and down around your shoulders, the dress you had on hugged everything perfectly and when you moved just right that slit in it made him desperately want to see more. God you were so damn gorgeous, why you ever let some shitty lawyer bring you down he had no idea.

He nodded to Antonio “Bout time you made it” Antonio tilted his head your way “Someone had to pick up your partner Halstead” he cut his eyes at you “Where’s your little boyfriend?” you bought your eyes up to meet his and a smirk slipped onto your face before you said “Probably fucking the blonde I caught him with a few days ago” then you looked across the room “ooh punch. I’m gonna get some” and headed that way.

__________________

Antonio looked from Jay to your disappearing back “Go!” Jay nodded and quickly followed you through the crowd, hand wrapping around your arm “That bastard cheated on you?”

You spun around to face him and looked around “Jay, don’t use language like that in here” he rolled his eyes considering you were just using it and held his arm out “Let’s go for a walk then” you sighed and took his arm. You let him lead you away from the crowd then snatched your arm away “Yes he cheated technically but mentally I’ve been checked out the relationship” 

“I’ll fucking kill him” Jay blurted and you laughed “Well mentally I think I was cheating long before him” that made Jay freeze and look back at you “Huh?” you shook your head, eyes wide “Did I say that outloud?” he nodded slowly “Yeah, what’s mentally cheating?” “Nothing” you replied and he took a step closer, noticing how your eyes went to his lips then back up to his  “I’ll go ask Kev”

You sighed and your eyes dropped “When you’re thinking about someone else, especially to the point that you end up saying someone else’s name..more than once just to be able to get off”  a grin slipped onto his face “You’re telling me you said someone else’s name in bed with that asshole? Oh that’s gold” he started to laugh but then he froze “Wait, who was it?”

You shook your head “Doesn’t matter” he raised an eyebrow “Someone I know?” you shook your head “Doesn’t matter” he took another step closer and that made you step back into the wall, a light sound escaping you when you realized you were boxed in. He placed a hand on either side of your head and leaned down to barely let his lips brush the shell of your ear as he asked  “Who’s name did you say?”

You swallowed hard “We fought more than once over the person, Elijah thought me and the person was too close. Told me to choose between him and the person then when I said the person’s name on more than one occasion it became apparent” he nodded again “Still haven’t answered” his hands came to rest gently on your hips and he saw you close your eyes for a moment before you whispered “Yours”

He had to have heard you wrong. “Did you say that you said my name?” he asked and your eyes flew open “Yes ok? Jay I’ve fucking wanted you for years! The first time it happened I pushed it off on us kissing on that undercover but after the second, third, fourth time I knew I didn’t belong with Elijah”

A lazy smirk worked its way onto his face “Princess if you wanted to scream my name you could’ve asked for the real thing”

Oh this asshole! You just spilled your guts and he was making fun of you! “Fuck you Halstead” You cursed, shoving him away from you and running towards the door. Fuck the fundraiser, you’d get a cab home and tell Hank you were sick.

You’d just gotten outside then felt Jay’s hand around your arm “Where are you going?” “Home!” you almost yelled and he pointed you towards his truck “Then let me take you” “Why so you can make fun of me!” you argued and he groaned “Get in my damn truck!”

You pulled your arm out of his grip but stomped towards his truck. You climbed in the passenger seat and kicked your shoes off in the floorboard while he walked around to the driver’s seat. “If you wouldn’t have ran I could’ve told you that I feel the same. I hated him because he had you” he said then started the truck and pulled out onto the road.

“You want me?” you asked and he cut his eyes at you “So damn much,I want every damn bit of you. The good and the bad. I meant it when I said if you wanted to scream my name you could’ve had the real thing because you could’ve had me wrapped around your finger years ago”

He turned his eyes back to the road and you were quiet for a moment “Pull over Jay” he looked back at you “What?” you nodded “Pull over in that alley and kill the engine” he raised an eyebrow but did as you asked. The moment the engine was off you pushed up the console and turned in your seat “Do you mean that?” he nodded “Of course” you smiled and crawled across the console into his lap, throwing one leg over to be effectively straddling him.

His hands went to your hips and he looked up at you, a smile on his face and the low lights shining in those sea blue eyes “Kiss me Jay” you whispered and god the look he gave you “Yes ma’am” he pulled you down into  kiss and you felt the way his hands on your hips pulled you down closer to him. You rolled your hips down against his and felt the fact that he was already hardening through the dress pants he wore. 

Your hands buried in his hair, deepening the kiss when he rolled his tongue against yours. “Fuck” he muttered against your lips. You grinned as you reached to unbutton a few of his buttons, just enough you’d have access to his chest. “You’re so fucking sexy Jay” you whispered and he grinned “Look in a mirror baby” you leaned forward to press a line of kisses across his neck and his head fell back against the seat “Just like that” he moaned when you bit down just below his pulse point.

You felt one of his hands slip under your dress to tease at your clit through your panties, a low moan escaping you. “I want you Jay” you moaned and he nipped at your throat “Baby let me take you home, I want to take my time with you” you cut your eyes up at him and smiled “Why don’t you come home with me and take your time later? For now just touch me please?”

“Promise me I’m not a damn rebound. Promise me that you actually want me as bad as I want you” he begged and you caught his chin with your hand to force him to look you in the eye “Jay Halstead I have wanted you for years. If I get you now there’s no way I’m letting you go without a fight” he grinned and moved forward to catch your lips in a kiss and his hand slipped under your dress, fingers slipping under your panties to tease at your dripping core. “Fuck baby are you that wet from kissing me?”

You felt your face warm “I told you I want you” one of his fingers slipped into you and your head fell over onto his shoulder, a low moan of his name escaping you at the feeling “Oh I like how that sounds” he chuckled, adding another finger into you. He used his other hand to cup the back of your neck and pull you into a kiss. You moaned into his mouth when his fingers brushed across the spot inside of you. 

He pulled away from your lips to kiss down your neck while his fingers kept their rhythm pushing you closer and closer to that edge. When he moved his hand so he could use the heel of it to add pressure to your clit you gasped out his name as your orgasm slammed into you. He continued to finger you through it until your legs were shaking then he gently pulled his fingers out of you and smiled at you as he licked them clean “Damn you taste good sweetheart”

You crashed your lips against his in a kiss that was all tongue and teeth, your hands going down to his belt “Please fuck me Jay” you begged and he laughed “You want me to fuck you here?” you nodded “Please, I can’t wait” he couldn’t tell you no. You looked too damn gorgeous, all spread out in his lap, the top of your dress slipping down, your face slightly flushed from one orgasm and your lips swollen from kissing him. 

“Ok baby, I got you” he whispered as he unzipped his pants and slipped his hard cock out. You whimpered when you looked down between you “What’s wrong?” he asked with a smirk. You grinned “You’re a lot bigger than Elijah” he couldn’t help but laugh “Yeah, I figured” 

You lifted up just enough he could line himself up when your opening then slid slowly down onto him,both of you moaning as he filled you completely. He felt a tremor go through your legs and rubbed his hands over your thighs “You ok?” you nodded, letting out a breath “I’m ok” 

You started to roll your hips and Jay’s head fell back against the seat “Oh fuck princess” you grinned as you lifted up then slid back down on his cock. His hands went to your hips, not controlling your speed, just helping you. “Feel so good baby” he praised as you fucked yourself on his cock.

Your dress was bunched up to your hips and his shirt was unbuttoned but you could’ve cared less. Fuck every damn dream you’d ever had about Jay never could have compared to the real thing. “You feel fucking amazing Jay” you whimpered and it was like a switch flipped. His grip tightened and he started to fuck up into you. Your head fell over onto his shoulder and all you could do was hold on. 

“Please don’t stop..fuck..I’m so damn close..fuck Jay..you’re fucking perfect” you weren’t sure what you were saying as he pushed you closer to that edge but when he slipped a hand between you to tease at your clit you felt that building pressure burst and you came screaming his name. He groaned out your name as he found his own release, filling you with his cum and pumping some of it back out with his thrusts. 

He pulled you down against him and held you there as you both worked to get your breathing back to normal, kissing across your lips then neck. Once you finally lifted your head to look at him you smiled almost shyly “Was that a one time thing or is this the start of something?” 

His eyes flickered down to where he was still buried inside of you “God I hope it’s the start of something because if not work is gonna get really awkward when this will be all I’ll be able to think about” you grinned and pulled him into a kiss “Come home with me Jay” he nodded “Yes ma’am” 

He helped you to climb off of him and straighten your dress before tucking himself back into his pants. You didn’t bother getting back in the passenger seat and instead rode right next to him, with your head against his shoulder. Yeah, maybe Elijah was good for one thing, if that asshole cheating finally led to Jay getting you.

[angelwishess]

azul: if you're going to loiter around the lounge, then make yourselves USEFUL at the very least

kyra and siyun: aight

unhappy with this situation are:

- AZUL. he can’t believe that on top of being annoying, these two are 💔💔💔💔C-C-C-COMPETENT

- FLOYD. HEAR ME OUT, i feel like he'd be happy he can see kyra even at work and they can hang out even MORE. and sure, he's always known kyra was pretty popular for her looks, but this is the first time he sees so many people admire her for her skills AND her looks. and it pisses him off⁉️ for whatever reason since kyra is his platonic gal pal homie bestest buddie forever⁉️ and NOTHINGG more⁉️/lh

WAIT IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED W THIS. CANON IN MY HEART THIS IS SO FUNNY WHKEPROSLS

⬇️ Later….

Azul after his two best employees are also his two biggest opps 😭⁉️⁉️

Siyun and Kyra once again never NEVER giving Azul any sense of peace EVER. I bet u the only reason why Kyra is being such a good employee and not ditching is because she wants to mess w Azul and spite him HELP

The way he GENUINELY wouldn’t be able to get rid of them either after this???? Because???? Theyre both def pretty popular with the customers and top tier employees so. Realistically he CAN’T fire them because they both bring good business…. But lawd does he want to………

Floyd being pissed by it is so funny to me though HELEPEPMEE THE WAY YOU DESCRIVED IT MAKE ME GIGGLE SM THATS LITERALLY IT

He’d be SO annoyed … even more so because he doesn’t understand WHY he’s even annoyed?? In the first place????? The guy is angrily cooking the entire time too i bet HELPSP

He’d definetly be over the moon about it too at first and going on about how fun it’ll be but then . He sees all that . And now hes having second thoughts someone save Kyra she’d be SO CONFUSED

I LOVE HOW SIYUN AND JADE ARE JUST CHILLING. I LOVE THEM LMFAOOO😭😭 i just know Jade is makign fun of Floyd the entire time too WWHAHAHHAA

[dyingswanpavlova]

"Your girl" - Part 10 | The Salesman x Reader

Summary: A fight turns into something beautiful. Turns into what could be your last day on earth.

Warnings: dead dove do not eat, kidnapping, mentions of sexual abuse and other traumatic events in the past, numbness, helplessness, violence, threatening, mentions of blood, mentions of murder/rape/death, hinting at suicidal thoughts (only briefly and not really serious, but I'll put it here nonetheless), body issues, trauma talk, stockholm syndrome, forced relationship, unhealthy relationship, depression, manipulation and low self-esteem, mentions of sexual activities and desires, smut, (rough) sex, oral sex, switch, degradation kink, dom/sub dynamics, daddy, not beta-read, if I've missed any please tell me! mdni 18+!

"Your girl" - The Salesman x Reader Masterlist

The tight smile.

It was all you needed to see to know you were in great, big trouble. It was really disappointing though, considering how good the day had started.

When you woke up, right after having a short, restless sleep, you saw him lying beside you. And for once, ever since you had gotten here, he wasn’t awake. No, he was deep asleep. His beautiful  eyes shut tightly and his expression one of peaceful relaxation. You hadn’t ever seen him this perfect before.

It was nearly ridiculous. Just a few hours earlier, he had ravaged you in a way that left you feeling sore and used, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but somehow you had a feeling last night was different. It wasn’t the sex per say. It was the way he got angry and you felt you couldn’t get through to him, even if you truly wanted to. And what was far worse than all of it, was the threat.

The threat.

What did it even mean?

I would never kill you. At least not unless you gave me a reason to.

It wasn’t even a subtle threat. He didn’t try to hide that he was twisted and dangerous. Dangerous for you, if you pushed the right buttons. You had done so quite some times by now, but luckily you were still around. But how much was too much?

What would make his mind go blank and cause him to swing an axe at you?

Shoot you right in the face?

Gut you in the middle of the-

You shuddered and took a long, deep breath to calm yourself. This wasn’t going to happen. You wouldn’t anger him to that degree. And yet, you couldn’t keep yourself from thinking about it.

What could possibly piss him off enough, to trigger such an extreme reaction?

If you went out and fucked someone else?

Or if you spilled milk on the coffee table?

You took another slow breath and looked back at his peaceful, sleeping form. It was hard not to love him, when he was like this. Sweet. Peaceful.

Vulnerable.

You hadn’t even seen vulnerable, regarding him. Not really. You didn’t know his name, his family, his backstory or anything else that truly mattered. All you knew was which buttons to push and it would make him slap you. You had his age. And his sexual preferences. You knew he had some kind of dangerous job, but you had no idea what it was about. And you knew he was twisted.

Utterly and entirely twisted.

But you saw none of that as you watched him sleep. All you saw was a handsome man, the most handsome man you had ever seen, even with the faint trace of a scar on his cheek. You still hated the sight of it. Not because it would have done anything to his attractiveness. No, he was very obviously still perfect. It was the fact that he got hurt.

Someone hurt him.

You were surprised just by how angry the thought made you. He was always so confident. It was his choice to either be angry and take it out on you or to be gentle and spoil you with affection and gifts. But it was his choice. He was the man. He was in charge. He was the epitome of strength.

And someone hurt him.

Him.

A part of you was almost tempted to think yours.

Someone hurt your man.

But you pushed the thought away just as quick as it came. He was hardly your man.

Your bane, your curse, your horror. Yes.

But not your man.

When he stirred slightly, you were pulled out of your thoughts. It didn’t take longer than a few seconds for him to blink his eyes open. When he finally looked up at you and met your gaze, a hint of surprise flashed over his features. But he schooled his expression into a soft smile effortlessly.

“Good morning, my little owl.” He purred. “You’re up early.” He raised a brow and smirked slowly. “Were you watching me sleep?”

Your face flushed, but you didn’t feel the need to deny it. It was pretty obvious anyway.

“I did.” You said quietly. “I couldn’t help it. You looked so…peaceful.”

He hummed softly and propped himself up on his elbows, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear with two fingers. “Peaceful? Doesn’t sound like me at all.”

He didn’t seem angry or even irritated that you watched him. If anything, he seemed amused or maybe even strangely flattered.

You shrugged.

“Have you been up for long?”

You shook your head.

He frowned slightly and held your chin in his hand, brushing his thumb over your skin in a gentle way. “You didn’t sleep well. You look like you didn’t sleep at all.”

You averted your gaze. What could you possibly tell him? That you spent all night, asking yourself not if, but when he would finally snap and snap your neck the same?

“Look at me.”

You hesitated, but eventually you met his gaze again. His expression was one of thoughtfulness and curiosity and you knew you had to give him something. He wouldn’t stop pestering you otherwise. You thought for a moment, before you finally gave up. You didn’t trust your ability to lie to him. He would see right through it and punish you for trying to deceive him.

“It’s about last night.” You murmured quietly.

His eyes narrowed slightly, but eventually he relaxed his expression and let go of your chin. With a soft sigh, he murmured back: “Was it too much for you? Too rough?”

You thought about the best possible way to answer this. Eventually you came up with something you would have hoped would be the perfect solution. “I’m still ashamed.”

“Ashamed?” He frowned.

“Because a part of me enjoys it.”

He hummed softly. “We talked about this, sweet girl, but I’ll say it again and again. You have nothing to be ashamed about. First of all, it’s not your fault you turned out like this.”

“That’s kind of the problem.” It wasn’t a lie. Not entirely. It did bother you. Just that the life threatening thing was worse. “I feel like you enjoy what we do, because you simply enjoy it. And I think I enjoy it, because I feel the constant need to get hurt and degraded, because of…because of what happened to me.”

He regarded you with a long, thoughtful look. His eyes softened somewhat and he was back. The man who supposedly cared about you came back, after a long, rough night. He sighed and rolled over so that he was on his back and staring at the ceiling. All the while he stretched out his arm and pulled you along, curling you into his side. He didn’t look at you as he spoke and his tone of voice was almost emotionless.

You couldn’t tell if you preferred this over the anger. Probably not.

“Did I ever tell you about my father?”

You froze. What? No. He hadn’t ever told you anything about himself that mattered. Let alone his family. As far as you were concerned, he didn’t even have a father.

But all you managed was a small, breathless shake of your head.

He hummed softly and played with your hair as he spoke, still keeping his voice cool and measured. He never met your gaze. Almost like he couldn’t. You couldn’t tell if he was trying to appear nonchalant or if he truly didn’t care. You hoped for the first one.

“My father had some creative ways of punishment.” He hummed. Oh, God. “Similar to your mother, I might think. Just more blood. And a few…other things.”

You held your breath as he spoke, feeling utterly sick. The fact that he had so subtly and smoothly threatened your life last night was suddenly the last thing on your mind.

“Don’t get me wrong, sweetness. I was always a little different from other boys my age. I wasn’t interested in the things the others were. I liked different things. Darker things. But I’m pretty sure, had it not been for my father…” He hummed. “He did some nasty things. Really nasty. And not only to me. To my mother as well.” He turned to face you fully, while you still lay frozen and staring at him with bated breath. All the while he caressed your face and spoke in this soft voice, like he was reading from a children’s book. It was eerie. “That might be one of the reasons why I am always in control.” He smiled briefly. “Especially sexually.”

You just kept staring at him. He hadn’t said it outright and he probably never would, but you could tell there was something. Something dark and terrible, something that still haunted him, even after all these years. And it made you sick to the core. The fact that his father, his own father, had hurt him, it made you feel nauseous. And especially, angry.

“So, I should probably be grateful to him, don’t you think?”

You knew you weren’t supposed to say anything to that, anything about that at all. No matter how terrible you felt, no matter how badly you wished to comfort him. He would get angry, because he would think of it as pity. You were sure. But you still had to say it.

“Your father is a sick man.” You said quietly. “And you didn’t deserve whatever he did to you.”

“Oh, I’m aware, my sweet, darling girl.” His face lit up in a soft smile. “I was just a boy. A twisted one, maybe. But still a boy.”

It made you feel as uneasy, as you felt relieved about it. At least he acknowledged it. He had no fault in his father’s cruelty. At least not back then.

And at least there was something. A tiny reminder that he was human, that he was real, that there was something akin to flesh and blood that made him similar to you. Not the fact that it had happened. Oh no, you would have changed it, were you in the power to. You would have bled and suffered, if only it meant to free him from the burden of his past.

No, but the thought that he told you about it. He had a father. A mother. A family. He had a childhood. A life. He was real.

You lay in silence for a long while. Of course you wanted to say more, to comfort him and hug him. To kiss away the fear he had probably felt as a little boy. You wanted to take him in your arms and make him whole again, puzzle him together until he got reunited with the love he was so desperately missing all his life. What about his mother? You asked yourself. But you thought now wasn’t the best time to ask. You didn’t want to risk making him angry, when he wasn’t so far. He hadn’t ever shared as much of himself. You didn’t want to say anything. And, you suddenly realized, you were afraid to pressure him.

So you said the next best thing. In the silent hope, that one day he’d trust you enough to let you in.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” You said very softly. His head perked up and his expression softened. No anger in sight.

“My sweet, caring girl. The ghosts of my past are no more than that. And don’t you worry. I got my revenge.”

You bit your lip and rolled onto your side, facing him properly. The thoughtfulness in your eyes turned into something else the longer you looked at him, a mixture of concern and gentleness. He didn’t seem to mind. He let you stare without interrupting your thoughts. It was a peaceful, comfortable silence.

“How did you get your revenge?” You asked quietly, before you could stop yourself.

He smirked and stretched out his arms behind his head.

“I killed him.”

A part of you had suspected as much. But another part of you, the naïve little girl that you somehow still were, felt horrified. He killed his own father. And yet, that other part of you whispered softly in the back of your mind.

Did you expect anything else?

You thought back to your mother. Had you ever had a gun in the wrong moment-

No. Never. You couldn’t kill anyone. Not even a fucking fly. You were the type of person to chase them out of the window, instead of crushing them.

It wasn’t enough to calm you down and he seemed to notice.

“Are you alright, sweet girl?”

You were going to die anyway. Why not speak freely at least?

Forget his father. He’s dead. But you’re not. Not yet at least.

“You scared me last night.”

His brows furrowed. “When we-“

“No.” You said in a soft tone and slowly sat up, wrapping the sheets around your body. “I mean, yes. Kind of. But that’s not the problem. You scared me when you said…when you said you would kill me if I gave you a reason to.” Your expression and your tone of voice were almost child-like. Innocent and curious, not at all trying to guilt-trip him. Just a girl, scared for her life. Her sanity.

Herself.

“Oh, sweet girl.” He said softly as he sat up as well. He reached out to pull you on his lap, but you pulled back. He frowned, but he didn’t protest.

“I was simply-“

“What could get me killed?”

It was so sharp, so matter-of-fact, that it made him pause for a moment. He looked genuinely caught off-guard, like he never expected him to ask him such a question. And like he wasn’t sure how to answer it.

“What?”

“What could I say or do that would make you kill me?” You asked in a soft voice. Your heart was pounding wildly in your chest, but you tried to stay strong. You needed to get a point across. You needed to know.

He thought for a moment, before he leaned back and narrowed his eyes in a thoughtful frown.

“Another man.”

Cheating. As if you really were anything to each other, right?

Such a normal thing. People got killed over cheating all the time, didn’t they?

Or did they really?

“Another man.” You whispered. “Okay. What else?”

He hummed softly. “If you left me.”

“If I left you?” You meant it in a way as if saying; how would I be supposed to leave you? There aren’t even fucking windows here.

He nodded. “When you leave me, you’re no longer my girl. And I don’t have a reason to keep you alive, if you’re not.”

You swallowed thickly. How very refreshing. He was being honest at least. Wasn’t that what you wanted? And you didn’t know if this was better or worse. You had expected as much.

“Anything else?” You whispered hoarsely.

“No.”

Your brows shot up in surprise. “No? If I don’t cheat on you or leave you, you won’t-“

“No.” He said again, in that infuriating, calm tone.

“And if I insulted you?” You couldn’t stop yourself from asking. “If I hurt you? If I-“

“Don’t get me wrong.” The menacing bastard was back. “You don’t get to trample on me, sweet girl. In fact, you know what happens, if you do all that. You’ll get punished. And that didn’t change.” He narrowed his eyes further.

He took a long breath to calm himself and finally said: “I just didn’t want you to be terrified for no reason. I’m sure there are a few more things you can do that will definitely get you killed. So, try not to push my buttons too much. Don’t experiment. Don’t think you get any kind of power. All you are is my girl. Mine. Mine to use. Mine to torment as I please. You’re my plaything. My toy.” He got angrier with every word and you were sure, more than sure, you had done something terribly wrong.

“Mine to use however I see fit.” He gritted out. “Because that’s all you are to me.”

Every word stabbed a wound deeper and deeper into your soul. He didn’t love you. You weren’t an idiot. But a part of you had hoped, hoped so desperately, that you were anything more to him. Anything of meaning. Anything he cared about. Anything he thought about and smiled, when he went off to his mysterious workplace. Anything at all.

But you weren’t. You were his plaything. His fucktoy. His doll.

His girl.

Your face burned in shame and your guts churned painfully. You slowly looked down at your hands and folded them in your lap, while you kept the blanket pulled up to your chin.

“I wasn’t-“

“Yes, you were.” He hissed and roughly pulled your chin up, to make you look at him. “Did you hear me? You’re nothing more than a thing for me to use, a doll, something to dress up in a pretty dress and take my anger out on. Did you get that through your goddamn, thick skull? You’re nothing. Nothing at all.” He spat out.

At this point, you felt indeed like he had stabbed you. The knife was still there on the carpet by the bed. How very reckless. You could have stabbed him last night, didn’t he think about that? No, he was tired or maybe he just trusted himself to have broken you enough not to ever hurt him.

It was true. You wouldn’t ever hurt him. Not like that. That one punch was as far as it could go.

And now, as you sat there and listened to his cruel words, a small part of you suddenly wished he hadn’t bluffed, hadn’t used the knife as a way to find relief in his twisted mind. A part of you wished you weren’t there, to listen to his cruel reminders. The reminder that you were nothing.

Nothing at all.

You felt your hands shake, just the same second your lip quivered.

He was so angry, so furious, he hardly even recognized your presence. He wanted to make some point known.

You understood it now.

He would never love you.

But you? It was too late for you. You already loved him. And he was breaking your heart.

All your life you thought that couldn’t happen to you. You always assumed you were far too numb for these things.

A tear rolled down your cheek and you stared firmly down at your lap. Your hands were shaking furiously and your body shook with the sobs you choked back.

By the time he looked up again and saw the state you were in, his anger immediately disappeared. Something akin to horror took its place instead. He rushed forward without even thinking about it and held your arms tightly, tilting his head down below and staring up at you, to make you look at him.

“Wait.” He said quickly. “Wait. I didn’t mean it.”

You were stuck between pushing him away and letting him console you. But you knew there was probably nothing that could ever bring you back. Your heart, already broken and bruised, had just somehow been pieced back together by him, only for him to crush it again under the palm of his hand, under the cruelty of his words, under the weight of his actions.

You decided to push him back instead. At least for once, you tried to keep a semblance of dignity. It was a lost cause, but it meant something to you.

He let out a surprised exhale, but quickly rushed forward again, trying to get ahold of you, but this time, you struggled.

“Get off of me!”

“No, you need to listen to me!”

“No! No, get the hell off!”

“You need to listen!”

You struggled even harder and pushed him back, clawed at his skin and within seconds you found yourself in the middle of a physical fight. So far, he hadn’t tried to slap you or bring you to your senses anyhow, he just tried to make you focus. And when you hit against his chest or pushed him back by his shoulders, when you scratched his arms and pulled on his hair, he let you. Without retaliating. He let you.

You were just waiting for him to snap. A part of you might even have been hoping to get some kind of reaction out of him, because he had just hurt you so terribly. But he didn’t.

And when you pushed him back against the mattress, he let you.

And when you straddled his lap, he let you.

He even let you intertwine your fingers and press his hands against the bed.

He just let you.

You stopped struggling. Stopped fighting him and stopped trying to provoke anything.

You were on top him, your hair falling over your shoulders and framing your face like a waterfall. Everything else was suddenly gone. All that there was left were him and you. He stared up at you, his eyes wide and his expression one of quiet fascination. Of course he allowed you to take control. After all, all it needed was a tiny bit of strength from him and he’d have you pinned to the floor. But this time, he didn’t. He didn’t protest, didn’t fight back, didn’t even flinch. He allowed you to take the lead. He allowed you to take control of him.

When the thought hit you, you nearly choked on the air you breathed. And you breathed, heavily and quickly, until your breaths mingled into one. You leaned further down, so close that the tip of your nose almost touched his. His chest rose and fell quickly. You could tell, even though you kept your focus on his face.

“You meant it.” You whispered breathlessly.

He stared at you with his mouth slightly agape and then he slowly shook his head. “You’re more.” He whispered back.

More than a toy?

More than a doll?

More than just his girl?

You didn’t want to believe it. You didn’t allow yourself to hope, because if you did, the next time he crushed it, it would be ever harder for you to find back to yourself. And did you really want to risk that?

You shook your head, ready to come up with the next bitter, biting response, when his words caught you off-guard.

“You’re not only mine”, he said quietly. “I’m also yours.”

God, this was confusing. And slowly you felt yourself get as dizzy and nauseous as you would have on a rollercoaster. You hated rollercoasters, because you were afraid of them. You hated them, because you never went on one.

“You’re two people at once.” You whispered breathlessly. “How do I know, when your evil twin will be back?”

He smiled slowly. Even now, even when you felt heartbroken and furious, his smile meant so much to you. It made everything seem beautiful. Everything was easier. Nothing hurt.

Until it did.

“I know.” He whispered. “Maybe you could try and put him in his place, every once in a while.”

You stared at him with wide eyes. Did he really allow you to take control? Just like that? Was it a trick? Was it a game? A joke? Something even more evil he’d come up with?

Whatever it was, you were dying to find out. Because you were sure, you’d get punished anyway. So, why not make use of it?

You took a shaky breath and leaned further down, so close, until your lips almost touched.

“You really didn’t mean it?” You asked in the ghost of a whisper.

His gaze briefly wandered down to your lips, before he looked into your eyes again.

“No.” He whispered back. “Not even I am that dense.”

That nearly made you smile.

But just nearly.

Instead you did something else. You leaned further down, until your lips finally touched his. The kiss was feather-light and hesitant. The touch was so gentle, that you caught yourself asking yourself in your head, if it really was the same man.

He was letting you kiss him. He didn’t try anything. Didn’t try to part your lips or pull you closer. Didn’t try to push your legs apart. His hands were still motionless under yours, all that he did was slowly caress the back of your hands with his fingers.

He participated in the kiss. He kissed you back, obviously. But all he did was mirror your touch.

You were in control.

You gasped against his lips. You had no idea what to do. It felt odd. Maybe even wrong. The only things you had ever fantasized about were to get controlled by someone else.

Controlled by him.

And for you to control him, it sounded like an impossible endeavor. It felt like one, even more. But there you were. On his lap. Slowly guiding the pace.

You swallowed thickly.

“I don’t know what to do.” You whispered into the kiss.

He hummed very quietly. “Imagine I’m the good twin.” He whispered back and pulled back just enough to look at your face. “There is no right or wrong. Just do whatever feels good.”

You bit your lip as you watched him closely. It could still be a trick. But in the back of your mind, you knew it wasn’t. It was an attempt to heal you. Heal him as well, maybe. You were both damaged. Both two fragments, incomplete and alone. Was it possible that you could heal each other?

It sounded strange in your head. You wanted to be controlled. And he survived off the feeling of being in control. But maybe, just maybe, this was what you both needed. A role reverse. A chance to grow. A chance to connote. Just this once.

To become one, whole thing.

You took a deep, shaky breath and brushed your lips over his. You were still nervous. But you tried to do what he said. Just do whatever feels good.

And maybe it would.

You hesitantly, almost shyly, ran the tip of your tongue along his lower lip. His reaction surprised you. He moaned. You really expected him to get off on nothing but cruelty and violence. But somehow the feeling of you, of being with you, in any way, seemed to be enough.

You needed to try it. The shift. The control. Even just this once.

You slowly parted his lips with your tongue and yours met his in a timid, careful movement. He was still the one guiding you. But the biggest reason was, that you had no idea what you were doing. But he was holding himself back. You were on top, pressed against him.

He was yours.

Your man. Your psychopath. Maybe even your lover.

The kiss went on and your movements became more and more confident. You didn’t actually care what you were doing, as long as you heard the soft moans he tried to suppress. And every time he did, you couldn’t help but moan, too. Your tongues tangled in a sinful dance and you slowly slid your fingertips over his wrists and up his arms. Until you eventually reached his shoulders. His neck. His hair. His cheek. His chin.

You hadn’t realized how quickly you were breathing. All the time you expected him to push you away, to reject you, to stop you. But he never did.

Your hand stilled against his face and you pulled your head back to look at him. To see if he was going to stop you. Mock you. Hurt you some more.

But his expression was more earnest than you had ever seen before. You could see the way his throat bobbed slightly as he swallowed and the small, tiny frown of focus on his face. He looked much more mature in that moment than he usually did. When he wore that twisted smile, he looked younger. Carefree. But in that moment, he looked like a man who had seen life.

And death.

And taken a part in it.

He slowly parted his lips, when your fingers stilled against them, inviting you. Your mouth fell open and you inhaled sharply as you felt his tongue dart out.

“God, what are you-“ You stopped yourself and instead released the softest moan, when he ran his tongue along your index finger. His hand gently circled your wrist and he pressed his lips against the back of your hand. Your knuckles. And eventually each finger.

You watched him in awe, realizing you were only ever falling deeper for him.

What was it with that man that you loved him so much, despite all the pain he put you through?

Eventually, you couldn’t take it anymore. The watching, the silence. You squeezed his hand and your head dipped forward. Your lips found his neck and you made a point of kissing each and every spot of skin you found on the way. His eyes fell shut and he took a shaky breath.

“No.” He whispered. “Wait.”

You immediately froze, expecting the inevitable rejection. But instead, he bit his lip and slowly slid his hands under your nightdress. The calloused skin of his palms ran up your back and he gently slid the material up, until he finally managed to pull it over your head and onto the ground. His gaze wandered from your face, down to your neck, where it lingered and eventually further down to your breasts and your stomach.

“God.” He whispered breathlessly. “God, you’re perfect.” He bit his lip again and met your gaze. “Let me worship you.”

A shiver ran down your spine and you tilted your head to the side, only to feel his lips brush along your earlobe and eventually over your neck. You closed your eyes and sighed softly. It was the best feeling in the world.

His lips caressed your neck and his tongue occasionally darted out, drawing a moan from your lips. He moved with devilish slowness, a torturous pace, slow enough to make you melt into a puddle of desire on top of him. A part of you almost wanted to beg him. Beg him to go faster, to touch you harder, to take you. But you didn’t. Because another part of you wanted to savor every second of this.

When you felt the wet heat of his mouth move lower and embrace the sensitive skin of your breast, you felt your eyes roll back in your head. The sigh that came over your lips was more of a moan. You gently buried your fingers in his hair and played with it. Every time his tongue slipped out to run over the curve of your breast, you felt your hips press down against his own on pure instinct. You felt how hard he was, painfully so. But he didn’t press his hips up against you, he didn’t even try once. He was skilled at ignoring his own need, when he wanted to. He made you feel like a princess. Like all that mattered in the world were you.

You squirmed and shuddered when he moved underneath you, brushing his tongue down a wet path on your stomach.

His hands encircled the back of your thighs and he held you firmly, his fingers gently digging into your skin. And he moved. Lower and lower. Until you felt his hot breath kiss the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. A soft whimper left you and you bit your lip to keep yourself from begging. He was going to give you whatever you wanted. Today, there was no need to beg.

He slowly but firmly pushed your legs apart, and settled in-between them, still lying on his back and ignoring his own ache. He shot you a pointed look, before he finally stuck out his tongue and rolled it over the warm wetness of your need.

“Oh, God.”

He hit every right spot at the first try and you could no longer stay silent. His grip on your thighs tightened and he silently encouraged you to move. Move. Take what you want.

You swallowed a shaky moan and began to tentatively move your hips. It didn’t take long for you to figure out how it worked, how you had to move. It was so easy and the pleasure rolled over you like a warm bath.

“Oh, God.” You whispered again, tightening your hand in his hair.

He did the most sinful things, sliding his tongue inside you and pulling it back out, running it along every spot, embracing your center of pleasure with his warm lips and it felt like Heaven. He knew where to kiss, where to lick, where to suck and where to flick his tongue. He knew everything. And in that moment, you didn’t care one bit about where he gained that knowledge.

Because he used it on you.

And he’d be using it on your for as long as you were his girl.

And you wanted to be his girl for the rest of your life.

“Yes. There. Right there.” You gasped out, moving your hips again and silently begging him to continue, to give you what you wanted, to give you him.

And he did nothing less than that. He kissed you like he’d kiss your lips, he tightened his grip, he didn’t let you back away. His mouth was firmly attached to your body, eager to give you everything you wanted. Letting you ride yourself to bliss.

Which was exactly what you did. You didn’t even realize it, by how suddenly it happened, but your release rolled over you like a flash of lightning. It felt more intense than ever. You felt everything deeply and he didn’t stop, until he was sure, you were entirely spent and satisfied.

You were still gasping for air, when he finally released his grip on you and looked up at you with a soft expression.

You stared at him, trying to catch your breath. All you wanted was to say something, anything, but no words came over your lips. All you managed was the gentle touch of your palm against his cheek. He smiled slowly and covered your hand with his own. Then he slowly moved back up, so that you’d straddle his lap again.

“How was that?” He whispered.

“Fuck.” Was all that you managed.

A low laugh rumbled in his chest, but no trace of mockery. Just satisfaction and a tad bit of pride. You forgave him. You would have forgiven him anything.

“Can I?” You finally whispered. You needed to know, if you were still in control.

He smirked. He looked so confident. Just like you always knew him. Confident and strong. In control. And yet…

“I’m all yours, baby. Ride me.”

You bit your lip. Your face flushed the tiniest bit, but you nodded. Now, this was making you really nervous. You had seen videos, but were you able to do it yourself?

Why not? You thought. Why not?

You leaned down and captured his lips in a kiss. Still slow and sensual, but you poured all the passion you felt for him in that kiss. And he responded in kind. He didn’t try to take control of your mouth. Instead he moaned against your lips, every time your tongue brushed against his. He ran a hand down your back and squeezed your behind firmly in his hand.

“Fuck, I need you to ride me or I’m going to die.” He groaned as he bit your lip. You responded with another moan. You still felt his hardness press against you, hard and ready and needy.

God, the thought alone. The thought that he wanted you that much. It drove you insane.

You swallowed thickly and carefully ran a hand down his chest, down his stomach, down his waist, until-

You smiled. You missed his throbbing, aching need and brushed your fingers gently along his thigh instead.

He glared up at you, a hint of desperation behind the repressed anger.

“I should have known this would come.” He hissed.

Your smile widened into a grin, as you teasingly caressed his side instead.

“What? I’m just doing what you do.”

He released a frustrated growl.

“You-“

“Come on.” You whispered. “Let me have this. Just this once.”

He was still frustrated, but the look in his eyes softened the tiniest bit.

“But I want you.” He murmured and you swallowed.

“How much?” You whispered. God, this was fun.

“How much?” He asked incredulously. “Can’t you feel how much?”

You hummed in the same way he normally would. So innocent. So devilish.

“Paint a picture with your words.”

He exhaled sharply. But eventually he calmed down and wrapped his arms around you gently.

“I need to be inside of you or I’m going to die. I’m going to die, I mean it.”

“Keep going.” You whispered. “Talk to me.” While you spoke, you shifted slightly on his lap, gently grinding down on him and letting him feel you. Just enough to make you gasp, not enough for him to enter you yet.

He bit his lip, almost hard enough to draw blood.

“I want to feel you.” He murmured. “I want to fuck you. I want to be one with you. And I fucking want to cum inside you.”

A shiver ran down your spine and you sighed.

“Keep going.” You responded in a breathless whisper, as you ground down against him again. The friction was enough for your both to snap your eyes shut.

“I want you to cum.” He whispered back. “I want you to cum so hard, that it’ll make you cry.”

“Fuck.” You whispered breathlessly and buried your face in his neck. “Fuck, yes.”

You swallowed again and pulled your head back up, enough to rest your forehead against his.

“Let me move then?” You whispered. “Please?”

He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. “But fucking get to it.”

You released a shaky sigh. You kept your forehead pressed against his and stared into his eyes, intense and deep, while you slowly spread your legs further. You shifted again, your movements a little awkward and insecure, but eventually you felt him press up against you and you felt his tip press against your entrance. And then you slowly lowered yourself down onto his lap. You felt him fill you, but it happened so slowly that you felt every bit of it. And all the time you kept your gaze fixed on his eyes. His reaction. Every moan, every sigh, every twitch. All of it was enough to make you moan in return. You slowly lowered yourself further down, until you felt him all the way. And when you did…You didn’t move. You stayed like that. Just feeling. Just feeling all of him.

And the look in his eyes was worth it.

You had never seen him this soft, this vulnerable before. Not even when he told you about his father. His eyes were softer than ever before and you suddenly realized; you had never seen him this needy. This desperate to feel you. You were sure, just a second more and he would either take control or beg you. But you couldn’t let that happen.

It was his first time to let someone else take control after all.

And you couldn’t have him begging. You couldn’t have him do anything that would make him feel ashamed, when he was so unabashedly doing everything in order to make you happy.

So finally you moved. Slowly and carefully, very unsure still. But you moved. And he moaned. And he moved. And you moaned.

You had never felt him this deep before, this hard, this raw.

“Ride me.” He whispered breathlessly. “Ride daddy’s cock, baby.”

Your face flushed even more, but all you could focus on were his words. You movements became more forceful, more frantic, more desperate. And as hard as he tried not to move at all, it was simply impossible. He pressed his hips up against you, letting you feel him, so hard and God, so desperate.

“Yes. Yes, babygirl, just like that. Let daddy fill you up.” He groaned out.

With every thrust, every move, you felt yourself get closer yet again. It felt like a fantasy.

“Yes. Yes, my sweet girl, my baby, my darling, my love-“

His eyes widened frantically. He panicked. You could tell. So did you. On the inside. But on the outside, you pretended. You pretended all you could, that you hadn’t heard it.

The L-word.

The word that nearly broke you.

No, you hadn’t heard it. He had never said it. It was just a slip-up. A simple mistake. Nothing to get hot and bothered about.

When he realized you didn’t react, he slowly calmed down again and tightened his grip on your hips. His own movements became more and more desperate, until he was pounding into you from underneath.

“Fuck, yes. Cum for me, my babygirl. Cum for me, my darling. Take every drop of my cum.”

His words were enough to drive you over the edge. With a sharp inhale, a breathless moan, you felt your own orgasm hit you again. And he went over the edge right with you.

Your lips just an inch apart and your eyes fixed on each other.

Deep.

And raw.

“Yes.” He growled. “Oh God, yes. Fuck, yes. My girl. My girl, my...” His voice cracked and he came with a roar. He pushed his hips against you with a fervor that nearly left you bruised from the inside and it made your release drag on and on, until you felt you were about to take off to the sky.

It took you a few seconds, but when you both finally came back down from your high, you realized you were still staring into each other’s eyes. You mouth slightly agape and gasping for air, your brows furrowed and your bodies still connected in the most intimate way. You didn’t want him to withdraw yet. You wanted to feel his release run along your thighs. You wanted to feel dirty like that and at the same time you wanted something else entirely.

Stay close.

Stay together.

My love.

The word kept echoing through your mind like a poem, like a curse.

Like a death warrant.

My love.

He buried his hand in your hair and gently tugged on it.

“That…was…”

You had never seen him speechless before. The sight stirred so much in you.

You idiot girl. He hurt you, he hurt you so terribly and all you wanted right now was him beside you, at all times, maybe with a ring on your finger and a baby in your belly.

God, you were just as insane as he was. Probably even more so.

He was a psychopath. What was your excuse?

You tried to distract yourself from your thoughts and so you decided to take control a last time. Your head dipped forward and you kissed him. With a tenderness that made your heart ache. And he responded. With a softness that left you breathless.

My love.

Half an hour later, you finally managed to get your hands off of each other. After you finished your bathroom routine, he invited you to the shower with him. You’d join him in a minute, you decided, while you were on your way to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Your mouth felt dry, your whole body did actually.

You felt sore as hell, but God. God.

The memory of it made you smile. You had never felt more loved in your life. Never felt more special, more desired, more…

A sound made you snap out of your thoughts and you looked up from the ground. What you saw made your heart stop.

The door.

The fucking door.

You mind went blank and your heart stopped beating.

The fucking door was open.

You swallowed thickly. Was it a test? Probably. Did you consider leaving?

You took a deep breath and slowly stepped into the hallway. The front door was open and there was that visitor’s terrace with a glass door attached to it, which led to the great staircase of the apartment complex.

It was a test. Or something equally cruel.

But what if it wasn’t?

What if he truly made a mistake? He was only human after all.

You stared at the glass door like you would have stared at an alien.

This was probably your only ever chance. To flee. Escape.

Get back to…

To what?

To normality, you told yourself.

To safety.

A lump formed in your throat. Did you want that? Did you even want to leave?

Even if it wasn’t a test, did you truly want to leave him?

The thought left a bitter taste in your mouth. It almost felt like acid and it weighed like a heavy stone on your heart. The thought of sleeping alone again, of never seeing his silly smile again. Even the twisted one, you’d miss.

The thought of never feeling his lips on yours again.

His hands in your hair, his voice in your ear.

His everything.

Him.

You were his girl.

You couldn’t just up and leave. What was there in the world for you?

Maybe this was exactly your destiny. Him. Him. Him.

He was all you needed, right? He took care of you. He provided for you.

He loved you. In his own, twisted way.

My love.

You couldn’t, you decided. You couldn’t leave. You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t ever-

The sound of someone’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts, but to your horror, it wasn’t him. Your eyes widened impossibly when you saw the form of a man approaching.

He looked like a janitor or something like that. A man far past his prime with greying hair and a kind smile.

God, you had missed kindness.

But no, no, you were his girl. You were his girl. You wouldn’t ever leave.

You took a step back like a cornered animal as the man approached and said something to you in Korean. When you backed away even more, he stopped and his eyes widened in surprise.

He kept talking to you, kept speaking in that reassuring tone of voice.

“I…don’t…understand.” You breathed out.

You didn’t even realize how you must have looked, terrified and broken. A faint mark on your cheek. Your clothes crumpled. Bite marks, love bites, more marks on your throat.

He frowned slightly and tilted his head to the side.

“Miss-“ He said in a thick, Korean accent. “Miss- The man that’s live here- The man- Is he-“

In that moment, you felt it. His presence was so prominent, you didn’t need to hear him call out to you. You just felt it. He came in, a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair wet from the shower. He most likely came to look why you hadn’t come yet.

You quickly spun around and met his gaze, your expression horrified. Your eyes were so expressive.

The door was open. He came by himself. It wasn’t my fault. Please! It wasn’t my fault!

Something hard flashed through his eyes, but it was only visible to you and it was only there for the blink of an eye. And then it was gone and it got replaced by the tight smile.

A tight, polite smile, directed at the janitor in the doorway. He spoke to him in Korean and stepped closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You stared at the ground, completely horrified.

Oh no, you thought.

Oh no. This is it.

_____________________________

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@hayakamis-blog Thank you for your lovely request, I loved the idea and I hope it turned out the way you hoped!

Author's note: I'll be honest with you, guys, this chapter cost me YEARS of my life, omg. I wrote 5000 words yesterday and then realized I didn't like what I was writing, so I deleted everything and did this today instead. I hope it was the right decision! On a super exhausted note, I'll try to answer all of your sweet, lovely messages in time!!! I'm not even exaggerating, a few of them really made me cry. Not almost, but for real. I don't know what I did to deserve all this kindness and love, but I really, really love you all! SO much!

[oatmealwrites]

Catch Kira, NOT Feelings! Ch. 5

Part 4 | Part 6 -> Coming soon

Series masterlist here

Regular masterlist here

Tags: L is jealous af, Light is as manipulative as ever, Aizawa cockblock pt 2., fake dating to the max, makeout (FINALLY), mentions of arousal (m and f), reader knows there's no way this can be 'fake', L is pining and down horrendous, MDNI, 18+ series

Synopsis: Another tape from the Second Kira arrives at the task force and the group is left wondering what the next moves is. In the meantime, members are becoming increasingly suspicious of the dynamic between you and L. With increased jealousy and stakes higher than ever, Ryuzaki decides it's time to double-down on this 'fake-dating' plan.

Word count: 7.4k

[a/n at the end]

~~~~~~~

The Aoyama plan ended less awkwardly than it had started, thankfully. Aside from the usual rowdy groups that occasionally walked the streets, there was nothing suspicious to report back at all, making the day relatively tame. And before you and L could fully sit and analyze all the CCTV footage of cafe windows and restaurant ratios, Shibuya had rolled around with similar poor luck. It was like Kira just decided to let the Second make these invitations before effectively ghosting them without response. 

Tokyo Dome was the last event with a chance of either Kira making a move, and with security already ramped up for the upcoming date, the task force was left analyzing every detail from the previous attempts; no rock left unturned, no camera left unchecked. 

It’s been roughly 3 nights since Aoyama and 3 nights since you’ve begun this charade with L. Considering the both of you were already hiding the notebook theory, adding another secret to the list hadn’t seemed daunting at first. Though as you sit in your usual spot in the center of the task force couch between Mogi and Light, Aizawa’s glare on you is colder than usual.

“Alright, and then what happened Matsuda?” Ryuzaki asks, before popping a chocolate covered strawberry in mouth.

Matsuda thinks for a moment and shrugs with a sad sigh. “Well, I tripped on the sidewalk and spilled my water all over the cool shirt I bought for the mission.”

It’s nothing important or helpful, but the team nods in comprehension as everyone reviews their own respective reports from the day. Focusing on your own documents is nearly impossible; everytime you look up, Aizawa is staring between you and L as if you were zoo animals before non-discreetly looking away.

You peer over to Ryuzaki who is slipping another chocolatey fruit between his lips and give a mental ‘help me out here’ with your gaze. Juice running down his chin, L looks at you wide eyed for a moment, processing the situation, before glancing over at your colleague unamused.

“Ah, Aizawa. Did anything from the security reports stand out to you?”

Idiot. He’s a world famous detective but can’t understand basic social cues??

Your attempts to avoid attention from the man are effectively reversed as Aizawa glances between you and Ryuzaki with a mix of pissed off and disgust.

He crosses his arms. “Well…no. I had actually had trouble focusing that day.”

Mogi sighs empathetically and leans in. “I know it must be hard considering your family.”

Aizawa huffs and nods in disbelief while you’re questioning if this room full of detectives really is the last hope at finding Kira. Sinking further in your seat, you glance down at the papers Light is flipping through and take notice that this is quietest he’s been in a while. Taking a small sip of coffee while Aizawa grits out a fake story about his family life as reasoning to Mogi, you nudge your friend’s shoulder.

“Everything good?”

“Huh?” Light looks up and blinks a few times as if he hadn’t been paying attention to anything the past 10 minutes. “Oh, y-yea. Just didn’t sleep much is all.”

You raise an eyebrow but notice the puffiness of his eyes before shrugging and turning back to the group; Mr. Yagami begrudgingly consoles Matsuda that he’ll have plenty more opportunities to do fieldwork and not ruin his clothing. 

Ryuzaki sits up and flicks the remote to broadcast the walking path Light and Matsuda had taken while sucking some stray strawberry juice from the base of his thumb. It shouldn’t be erotic. You shouldn’t find it anything but normal considering him. But the vulgar sight of it makes an uncomfortably familiar feeling stir before his eyes meet yours with an unreadable stare. The two of you hold it for a moment until you finally find the ability to peel your gaze back to the screen.

“This is the path that Matsuda and–”

“--Ryuzaki.” The hotel door opens and Watari swiftly enters inside with a laptop tucked under his arm. “I’m sorry for the interruption, but there’s another tape sent from the Second Kira.”

Shit.

The group falls silent before scrambling to set up the screen to mirror the laptop and adjust the speakers for the audio; the room is completely silent when L hit ‘play’.

‘I have found Kira.’

Worried eyes glance off the screen and around the group while Light sits motionless at your side; everyone is thinking the same question. You turn your head to Ryuzaki who looks away from the TV and meets your gaze, a silent ‘how?’ floats silently between you both. Aside from the minor hiccup when Aizawa interrupted, there wasn’t a moment when you two weren’t staring at the monitors, watching every angle in real time.

In silence, he leans forward to resume the message. 

‘To all of the people at the television station and the police, thank you very much.’

The video ends abruptly and the group collectively turns between each other in shock and confusion. You look between Ryuzaki and Light for a moment, watching the way they both seem to be completely lost in thought and concentration.

“Watari.” You turn towards the elderly man who stands behind you on the couch. “When was this sent?”

He peers down naturally. “It arrived today, but was postmarked from the 22nd, y/n.”

The day after Aoyama?

Desperate sighs at the information flood the room while Matsuda sits looking guilty.  “That’s right after Light and I walked the streets… how could we miss it?”

Mr. Yagami clears his breath and places a reassuring hand on his colleague’s shoulder. “It’s not anyone’s fault. Can we assume based on this message that both Kira’s have already teamed up? If they’re working together, it may have been impossible to notice their interaction.”

Light furrows his brows in thought, most likely recalling the memories of Aoyama for a moment when he would’ve seen anything suspicious; before you can offer help, you notice the way Ryuzaki’s gaze is locked onto the man. L takes the nail he chews out from his teeth and looks at Mr. Yagami.

“No, the tape only mentioned finding the original Kira, not coordinating.”

You sit forward. “So it’s possible they’ve never interacted then?”

Ryuzaki glances at Light once more before turning to the group. “That’s correct. And if that suspicion is true, this Second Kira has a keen eye for identification that we don’t have.”

Aizawa sighs and rubs his temples. “We spent hours watching CCTV with no detail looking strange along with dozens of officers undercover, and Light and Matsuda walking. How could we miss it?”

L takes another chocolate fruit from the coffee table and bites into it, catching the solidified candy outing when it cracks. “No, it’s not that we missed anything. It’s that we couldn't see it.”

Mogi raises an eyebrow and Light finally speaks up from his trance. “What? What do you mean by that?”

You flip through your documents while Ryuaki pauses to chew, scanning through the papers until the diary entry for the Tokyo Dome comes into view. “Wait, you mean like from this event? It mentions the Second Kira seeing a Shinigami at the Dome… so Shinigami is code for witnessing something?”

Light pauses, opens his mouth, and then shuts it again; L sits listening to your explanation.

“Yea, and since Shinigami aren’t real… or like we could never see it, it’s code for something only Kiras can see?” Mogi asks while scratching his chin.

“Yes, both of you are in the same direction of deduction as myself. It’s clear this Second Kira is especially keen on detail and observation; something we should be extremely wary about.” L pauses and then turns to Light. “Though the concrete evidence of the tapes being sent on the 23rd do look rather peculiar for you, Light.”

“Enough. Matsuda was with him the entire time! Second Kira could have seen anyone that day; maybe not even in Aoyama, if it was a false clue.”Mr. Yagami stands up and crosses his arms while Watari walks around him to bring a fresh set of coffee cups to the table.

Light sighs beside you, “Dad, it makes sense L is suspicious.” He turns to L. “Ryuzaki, doesn’t the fact that nothing happened that day make you feel any better?”

Mogi raises an eyebrow. “Like, the fact that no one died? Trust me Light, I don’t think it’s you… but nothing happening while everyone is watching you doesn’t exactly prove anything.”

You shake your head and place your documents on the table. “No, Light means that nothing happened when the Second Kira saw him…–Assuming you’re Kira of course,” you add in, to avoid pressuring the topic.

Ryuzaki places the now empty small dessert plate on the coffee table. He takes the stem of cherry from his mouth and sighs while looking up with a slightly depressive tone. “Yes, exactly. The concrete evidence makes it highly convenient that the day after you set out trying to draw out the Second Kira, we get a message… but the fact that we don’t know the deciding factor in how they spotted Kira makes things a bit difficult.”

Mr. Yagami sits down with a frustrated exhale. “So are we now facing two Kiras that could soon be cooperating?”

L looks over at the man. “Potentially, and if that’s the case we’re going to need to be even more cautious than ever. But, assuming they really have only seen Kira– we can hope there is room for negotiation.”

Light shifts and raises an eyebrow, already following along with an annoyed expression. “Let me guess, we make a response demanding information on Kira in exchange for something?”

“Precisely. We can’t shorten a sentence given their murders, but we can offer a less intense version of punishment.”

Aizawa snorts sarcastically. “Oh, so we offer the comfiest jail cell in Japan for their lifetime sentence? We’re seriously going to negotiate with a serial killer?”

Ryuzaki ignores the comment and nods to confirm his decision while you glance over at your friend. “It’s our only option –we can’t make another fake Kira message since we don’t know their exact level of contact.”

Light sighs. “That’s true too. If we send a fake Kira tape to the Second Kira demanding something they have already discussed… it would jeopardize everything..”

“Ok, so we’ll make it a police announcement regardless,” Mr. Yagami sighs before glancing at Ryuzaki with an exhausted expression. “Can we take a quick recess, please?”

Mogi rises before the group effectively disperses, “I’ll be retrieving the DNA returns on the tapes this week. If we’re going to make a move, it may be beneficial to do it now before we essentially make an arrest for whoever’s fingerprints are on the tapes.” 

Ryuzaki nods in approval while members split off to stretch, smoke, grab food, and make phone calls to their family; L stands and motions to the bedroom door once more.

“Can I have a word?”

You rise to your feet and stretch side to side while Aizawa looks up from his phone with a stiff expression; he shudders slightly when you make eye contact before spinning around to continue his call. Matsuda looks up from the front door in confusion at L’s private invitation before Aizawa shoves him forward to exit with a grunted sigh. “Nah, let’s get out of here.”

Walking to the room, and slipping inside to resume your usual mini meeting with L, you shut the door while Ryuzaki paces back and forth in thought. You head towards the bed and jump up to the mattress, crossing your legs comfortably as you sit on the plush hotel comforter.

“It’s obvious that the Second Kira witnessed Kira during Aoyama… but how? How did they see something we didn’t?”

You watch the way he paces with a nail tucked between his teeth and shrug lightly. “Well if they didn’t meet, should we re-watch all the CCTV tapes with angles of cafes where customers stayed further from the street? Like inside through windows or patios tucked away from the footpaths?”

Ryuzaki stops and sighs. “Yes, we’ll need to redistribute videos to everyone to review once more given our theory.”

“And what about the ‘notebooks’?”

He stops and heads over to the bed, leaning against the mattress a few feet away from you. “Not yet. We need a little more information considering there were no fatalities at any of the events thus far. If our theory is notebooks being references to killing and there’s no body… we may need to reevaluate the usage of the term.”

You exhale and flop backwards onto the bed casually; the pillows and sheets are all perfectly arranged indicating Ryuzaki hasn’t been sleeping recently. The routine of these mini meetings is so normal that the crease in the comforter from where you sit is always in the same indentation as from the day before. 

“Everytime we get any information on either Kira, it feels like we’re even more lost than before.”

Ryuzaki nods and looks at the analog clock that ticks absentmindedly in the background; you sit up on your elbows and take in his appearance. The usual baggy long sleeve white tee draps his frame, and his baggy jeans are hanging low enough to show the elastic band of his boxers; everytime he raises his hand to bite the nail, a small part of the ‘V’ on his abdomen is revealed. 

You peel your eyes away and look up at the room ceiling. “What do we do about… this? Catching Kira may take a lot longer than we think… so–”

The words trail off and you look back at the man leaning against the mattress; he has the slightest dust of pink on his cheeks. “Huh, oh– we can continue. If it’s not uncomfortable.”

You stare at the way he’s refusing to make eye contact and fully sit upright once more. “Isn’t it only a matter of time before Aizawa slips up? Or the rest of the ground catches on? Matsuda already noticed…”

Ryuzaki shrugs and finally peels his eyes off the scattered papers on his desk and rests them on you. “I thought you said you didn’t mind if people thought you and I were… together?”

“Well–” you blush slightly and tuck your chin into your chest. “I don’t care if they think you and I are dating. It’s just a personal thing to have everyone know– especially when this is the one group we’re supposed to be totally honest with.”

Ryuzaki grunts slightly, “Well, given my suspicion of Light, my trust in this group isn’t exactly at 100%… but I agree they are the closest people I’ve been open with. Aizawa’s immediate belief in our rushed excuse holds a lot of weight, and I don’t take that for granted.”

You watch him silence as he continues. “But, it’s for the best if they think shallowly about what we do for now. If Light actually is Kira, it would be best to have him think we’re secretly in love rather than plotting his arrest. And unfortunately that means the rest of the task force as well– many already are hostile to the idea of Light being guilty.”

A sigh escapes as you hum in agreement, but you bring your chin into your chest once again; your gaze drops to the floor. Ryuzaki holds your glance as he leans further on the bed, the mattress shifting downwards at the weight.

“You’re still questioning my suspicions on Light, aren’t you?”

Seeing right through as always, he leans further into the space while you shrug in defeat. “No, that’s not it…It’s more like I feel guilty for believing you.”

He watches in silence while you work it out further. “It would be like if someone told me they thought you were Kira. It feels so weird to entertain the idea; let alone work towards achieving it. Even if I do believe it.”

L tilts his head to the side and leans even closer to your position, dark locks of hair kissing his cheekbones at the movement. “Ah really? I would hope you’d be a little more upset if you heard the news that your ‘boyfriend’ was suspected of being a serial killer.”

A laugh escapes your lips and a grin spreads across your lips despite the attempt at remaining somber and melancholic. You roll your eyes and lightly shove him to the slide. “Oh my God, was that a joke?”

Ryuzaki smiles slightly, his eyes on your lips and cheeks a pale pink. “Just because I have superior critical thinking skills than most doesn’t mean I’m devoid of humor.”

You uncross your arms and sit a little lighter, still grinning from the playful tone of the conversation. L admires your now less-stressed expression and takes a casual breath, his tone a bit more serious.

“I’m sure it’s hard to be suspicious of your ‘friend’... But please trust in my and your own reasoning skills a bit longer.”

“Mm,” you exhale slowly, and look up at the man, your gaze now more confident than earlier. “Of course… as long as it takes.”

For the second time in the conversation, Ryuzaki’s gaze falls down to your lips and his attention lingers there. Subconsciously wetting your lips and analyzing the expression of his face, you’re brought back to the day watching CCTV of Aoyama. The way he’s looking at you, taking in each meticulous expression of your face, leaves his pupils dilated, further darkening his eyes.

You’re left wondering if this is the moment you discuss what the hell is going on between you both. It’s obvious, isn’t it? At least to detectives. You know that your relationship with Ryuzaki is more casual than with everyone else… except maybe Light, but the frequency that this man is on your mind is clearly more than platonic. At least to you.

Looking into his eyes, you realize there’s no use in wondering what the hell is happening in that mind of his; his brain is always working out a million different scenarios faster than anybody else. 

“Listen, y/n.. I think–”

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

Ryuzaki and you both jump, but don’t immediately back away from each other; L takes an extra moment to take in the proximity, his eyes scanning your face one last time before sitting back.

“Yes?”

“Please tell me you two aren’t….doing anything.”

You roll your eyes at the sound of Aizawa’s voice now interrupting for the second time, and hop off the bed to open the bedroom door. He shuffles inside with a hand covering his eyes while you scoff and move to lean against the bed next to L.

“Are you two dressed?”

“Yes.” You drone, arms crossed.

“Both of you?”

Ryuzaki sighs gruffly, “Yes, now what do you need?”

Aizawa drops his hands and takes a document from under his arm; he holds it up and begins paraphrasing. “Basically, we got a response from Sakura TV about airing a response. We need to send in a tape tonight or their schedule will be too tight to fit in our message.”

You huff in frustration. “Seriously? It’s a message from the police regarding the biggest case of the century and they aren’t able to air it on call?”

Aizawa puts his hands up and tucks the paper back under his arm. “Don’t shoot the messenger, ok?” He turns to exit. “Just finish up... whatever you two were doing and I’ll have the group ready to resume in two.”

The door clicks behind him and being alone in the room with L suddenly feels extremely vulnerable. It’s easy when it’s unspoken and mysterious; Aizawa’s point of calling out the behavior makes it suddenly feel real.

“So…” You drop your arms and play with the hem of your button up work shirt, the space quiet except for the clock ticking away in the background. 

Ryuzaki stands upright and lets out a long sigh before pushing back his hair in thought; the strands immediately fall back down to their tousled position as soon as his fingers leave his scalp. He looks over at you and opens his mouth once to speak before shutting it again.

“Let’s head back to the meeting…? I’m sure everyone is ready to resume.” You stand upright and head for the door.

Ryuzaki stands motionless as he watches you open and prop open the door, a phrase on the tip of his tongue; he swallows it and makes his way to you. “Yes, let’s head back now.”

The rest of the meeting consists of drafting an official police response for the Second Kira, sorting out the arrest protocol for the DNA results, and dividing up CCTV angles for review. Hours pass by until it’s nearing midnight and yawns begin escaping all of you.

“Alright, let me review this one last time before we call it here.” Mr. Yagami stands and looks down at the paper in his hands. “We are urging the Second Kira to come forward with information on Kira. We are willing to negotiate your sentences if you choose to side with justice and the innocent people of this world. Do not approach Kira out of curiosity; it will get you killed.”

Mr. Yagami drops the paper on the table and the group nods wearily in exhaustion; no one makes any move to complain about the script. Matsuda yawns again, louder than before, and the group collectively looks over at Ryuzaki for permission to end the meeting.

He takes a moment to re-listen to the script in his mind before exhaling and rising to his feet. “Alright, good job everyone. We can call the meeting for tonight– Watari, please send this to Sakura TV, along with a few other major stations, to air during their evening broadcasts.”

Hushed sighs of gratitude escape the group and everyone moves to hastily pack up and head home. Ryuzaki watches the tired movement of his colleagues and turns to nod at Watari. “We’ll also be starting a bit later tomorrow. There’s a few matters I have to attend to by myself in the afternoon… so please rest properly.”

Matsuda’s eyes widen in a giddy surprise at sleeping in while Mogi looks at L a bit curiously; no one wants to question the extra time off though. With a tired yawn and gentle wave, you bid Ryuzaki goodnight and follow the group into the lobby; Watari types something quickly on his lap top before escorting you to the familiar black Mercedes, ready to bring you home.

~~~~~~~

It’s roughly 2:15 in the afternoon when your lecture finally lets out for the day, the professor running over time to further explain the final paper that was rapidly approaching. A paper you have yet to even start given your other priorities at the moment. 

You stand outside the student facilities building, the crowd too thick to bother waiting in line for the cafeteria. Hmmm maybe a cafe for late lunch?

Flipping through your contacts on your actual phone, you re-read the message sent by Light earlier in the day.

‘I’ve got an exam today that lets out at 2:30 if you still want to get coffee’

You really could wait for him, but the rumble in your stomach leaves you tempted to simply send him the address of casual restaurant once you find one. Settling to do exactly that, you push off the vending machine you were leaning against and make your way down the campus quad. 

Groups of students shuffle together as they walk, and you pull your jacket closer to your body when a breeze picks up. Music playing in your headphones and mind focused on finding food, you barely register the man sitting awkwardly on a university bench facing the footpath.

Nearly tripping over yourself in a double take, the man dressed in an oversized off-white sweatshirt to stay warm, light wash baggy jeans, with a baseball hat and sunglasses is clearly Ryuzaki. Catching yourself before you can fall onto the bricks, he turns his head in your direction and parts his mouth in a happy-surprised expression. Instantly, he stands up and makes his way to you, slipping his hand around your waist when he approaches; his fingers still tremble the moment he makes contact.

Your mind begins to short circuit before you raise an eyebrow and stare at him incredulously. “What the hell? What are you doing here??”

His grip on your waist tightens a slight bit as he guides you down the footpath past groups of students. “What? I can’t see my girlfriend in between classes?”

His voice is whispered and despite the attempt at acting casual, he’s as stiff as a board next to you as his body is pressed against your own. You blink a few times in silence as your brain is focused on only two things:

We aren’t really dating

Is this not supposed to be lowkey to only appease the task force?

Peeking at his typical unreadable expression behind his glasses, you sigh in defeat and pivot to take his hand in yours in an attempt to lessen the anxiety in his stance. His hands are smooth but extremely cold; his body relaxes a bit at the distance, but his cheeks are pink at the action.

“Of course not. I’m just surprised to see you here is all.”

Ryuzaki swallows thickly causing his Adam’s apple bobs at the motion; you stare at the erotic sight and have to peel your eyes off his throat to avoid looking too obvious. With his hand still securely holding your own, he tugs you gently down a stray path and towards a more secluded part of campus. You follow contently at his side as he leads you to an empty area near a tree on the quad; his hand doesn’t release yours when you both stop.

“Ok, I need to let you know something important. I’ve been having Mogi trail Light recently.”

You stand next to him and lean against the tree raising an eyebrow “Huh? Wasn’t that mine, then Matsuda’s job?”

Ryuzaki rolls his eyes from over his glasses and turns his attention to the emptier walking path; his eyes scanning each person walking by. “Just– listen, ok?”

With a shrug of your shoulders, L huddles a bit closer to you after peeling his stare off the students passing by. “This needed to be in person in case either one of them is here, ok? A woman stopped by Light's house last night.”

You open your eyes in surprise and tilt your head to the side slightly. “Takada? The one I mentioned a few weeks ago?”

Ryuzaki shakes his head and  stands upright to hover over you, blocking your vision of the campus; he’s effectively shielding you from anyone else seeing you as they walk.

“No, this one doesn’t match your description. Mogi described her as blonde with a dark gothic attire; does that match anyone you’ve seen on campus before?”

He blocks your line of sight when you lean to peer around him at the quad; you raise an eyebrow and lean back once again to shake your head. “No…? I’ve never seen anyone like that– at least around Light for that matter.”

His frame remains protectively towering over you and you're actively scanning his hidden features searching for some clarification as to what was happening. “Why are you telling me this, Ryuzaki?”

“Has he mentioned anything or anyone to you?”

“What– No. He’s always been pretty private.”

L stares at you for a moment in silence, and when he steps closer to further block your line of sight, you push off the tree and stand taller in defense. “What’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”

“I have a very bad feeling about this… all of this,” he sighs, pulling down his sunglasses slightly to show you eyes full of genuine concern.

You look between them in a gentle gaze and your voice softens to barely above a whisper. “Why are you here Ryuzaki?”

Large and dark doe eyes flick between yours in a vulnerable expression, his lips dropping to a frown. “Isn’t it obvious…?” He exhales slightly. “It’s dangerous to be on campus right now. If the woman Mogi saw is potentially the Second Kira.. that means she has a keen sense of sight or recognition we don’t.”

You blink slowly. “Ah.. so she might be able to snuff me out if I hang around Light.”

Ryuzaki nods once and for the first time in a while, genuine fear flows through your veins. Being spotted by someone with a mysterious ability to kill without even seeing her makes you recall every interaction you’ve had on campus; each one comes up blank for her description though. 

“I can’t mention this yet to the group; only you and Mogi are aware of this situation, so it’d be too risky to speak over the phone or text. Besides… Aizawa is already on our case everytime we’re together so I couldn’t pull you aside tonight for something like this.”

Wait. Then why is he–?

You shoot your head up at the man in front of you; with the hand still holding his, you give a gentle squeeze. “What about you? You of all people shouldn’t be here!”

Ryuzaki tilts his head slightly to the side. “Huh? I’m here telling you the same thing, to be extremely cautious. My life isn’t explicitly worth more than yours.”

It definitely is though… Right?

You shake your head to protest but he speaks again. “Listen y/n… you’re important to m–”

“Ryuzaki?”

Shit. 

A voice that can only belong to Light rings out behind L and you both immediately stiffen; with the same flexibility as a marble statue, L slowly spins around. You take in the desolate area of the opening you’re standing at and mentally slam your head into a wall. You’re right in front of the fucking criminology building.

“I forgot that you technically go here too! It’s been a while since you’ve attended any classes though.”

Light’s voice gets louder as he approaches to stand next to Ryuzaki; his gaze widens when he notices you standing sheltered in front of him. “Oh, y/n you’re here too! I didn’t even see you earlier.”

You give an awkward wave with your free hand while L shrugs as casually as he can given the fact you both were fearing for your lives 30 seconds ago. “I thought it would be nice to get some air and enjoy the campus for our extended rest this afternoon.”

Light hangs onto to every word, his mind obviously searching for hidden meanings before his gaze lands on where you and Ryuzaki are still connected. The stare at your hands makes you want to pull yours back in awkward embarassment, but L tightens his grips in yours. 

“Oh my goodness– I can’t believe Matsuda was right!” He breaks into a laugh.

Great. If Matsuda caught on after last night when Aizawa shooed him out of the room, you can’t even imagine the suspicions of the rest of the task force. The image of Mr. Yagami’s concerned face makes you shudder into yourself. 

With your face bright red and words strained in your throat, L steps forward and pivots to further the distance between you and Light. “Yes, I suppose it was only a matter of time until you all caught on to our relationship. The truth is, I couldn’t wait to see her again and had to come to campus to visit.”

Light raises an eyebrow and studies your surprised expression from over Ryuzaki’s shoulder, a coy grin spreading on his lips. “Ah, is that so? To be honest I’m really surprised. I didn’t think you were her type.”

“Yes, well life is always surprising isn’t it? She was the one that actually asked me out initially.”

Huh? You stare between the two in silence; the conversation has effectively isolated you out. Again. 

Light crosses his arms and sighs airly. “That’s very interesting; she’s always had a way of making her feelings known though.”

It’s a not-so-subtle dig at the freshness of you and Ryuzakis’ relationship; the grip on your hand tightens again. Looking between the two men you sigh in exhaustion; it’s a bonafide dick measuring contest.

“But anyways Ryuzaki, I was going to ask her to grab coffee.”

“That’s not needed, we actually have plans for her lunch break.”

“Maybe dinner then. There’s a special at her favorite off-campus take-out place tonight.”

Your stomach rumbles at the mention of food and you silently remiss that your afternoon lunch time is being replaced with the bickering of the world’s pettiest men. 

Ryuzaki doesn’t miss the way Light is consistently highlighting the fact that he knows more about you, but it doesn’t change the way he still stands protectively in front of you. 

“Don’t you both get out of class at different times? I don’t want to further delay our evening meeting.”

“Ok, ok–” You speak up and walk beside Ryuzaki to break up the conversation before punches start getting thrown. “Light, I’ll see you in between the next class and at the meeting. You–” you pivot to L, “I’ll see you tonight.”

The way ‘tonight’ rolls off your tongue causes a slight stutter in the breathing of Ryuzaki who turns away with a defeated blush. Light opens his mouth to counter once again, but peels his head towards the criminology building when Takada yells his name from the main entrance. 

His eyebrow twitching at the way she calls him over, Light swallows thickly and bids a swift ‘goodbye’ before jogging over to the woman. You stand still connected to Ryuzaki as you watch him greet her with his usual plastered smile and suave body language; Light occasionally looks back over at the two of you with a suspicious gaze.

Relaxing slightly at the distance, Ryuzaki sighs slowly and reaches into his back pocket to pull up Watari’s contact on his phone. “Good, it worked.”

You whip your head up to face him. “Huh? What worked?”

“The gamble. This gamble.” He squeezes your hand slightly and turns to you. “If the Second Kira were to see you, it’s likely you would be in grave danger.”

You shift your weight to one leg and drop your tone to heavy sarcasm. “Yea, thanks for the reminder.”

Shaking his head slightly Ryuzaki lifts your connected hands upward to your gaze. “Yes, but now there’s some leverage against it. Us. If you were to now spontaneously die, it would only further point to someone who knows we’re together.”

The mention of your potential unpreventable death doesn’t bring you any relief. “Wait, but doesn’t like half the campus know we’re together now that we’re out here holding hands?”

Ryuzaki shakes his head. “Those people don’t count; they don’t know who I am, and none of the students here fit the description Mogi has provided so far.”

Ah.

You drop your gaze to your interconnected hands and blink as you work out the logistics. “I see. So if I were to randomly die now, after not doing anything suspicious like attending Aoyama, it would be from someone who knows my relationship to ‘L’.’

Ryuzaki grins and peers at you from above his sunglasses. “Sharp as usual, y/n; you’re correct. The only people who know that the detective ‘L’ is in a relationship, are the people within the task force. So if this mystery woman really is the Second Kira, and she’s never seen you before, the only reason she would kill you is because she sought you out from the orders of Kira. And that Kira would have to already know your role and relationship with the task force and me.”

AKA, Light would have to be Kira in order for that to come to fruition. 

Ryuzaki looks back over at Light and then gazes back down at your hands. “If she’s willing to kill an innocent person based on a single order from Light, there's a chance she’s extremely loyal to him. So… it’s also best to prevent her from being jealous.”

You nod once but notice the slight venom in Ryuzaki’s gaze at the man across the quad. The way his eyes burn a hole in the side of his head makes you wonder exactly whose jealousy you should be wary of. 

Sensing his stress, you run a thumb over his knuckles absentmindedly in a comforting gesture; Ryuzaki’s cheeks warm up, but his hand no longer trembles at the contact. “But what about you, aren’t you nervous? I can’t offer the same protection.”

L turns back over to you and takes in your genuine concern and rubs his own thumb over yours experimentally for a moment before responding. “Nervous? Heh, yea… I guess you could say that. But as long as the group has your keen deductive skills, we’ll catch Kira and confirm the safety of both of us.”

Your hands warms at the friction of his thumb and the moment is strangely comforting despite the topic being the both of your potential premature deaths. “So we’ll have to really commit to this, huh? It’ll take a lot of consistent convincing to make a group of detectives actually believe it.”

Ryuzaki looks down at your hands and plays with your fingers once again, testing the waters to see how each action feels against his own skin. “As long as you're ok with it. For me… there’s no one else I’d rather ‘fake-date’.”

A scoff escapes your lips and you chuckle slightly. “Do you even know other girls?”

“...No-” he resigns “So I guess I got pretty lucky that the only girl I do know is you.” 

Your heart falters slightly and you push him back with a laugh escaping your lips. “Ok, that was actually kinda smooth, Ryuzaki.”

His gaze lingers on your lips when you laugh, and it takes a fair amount of willpower to peel his sights away with a giddy glint in his eyes. “Really?”

“Yea–” a few more chuckles escape you. 

Standing close together and taking turns chuckling slightly, you notice the silence; an easy and comfortable feeling is shared between you both. It’s the perfect moment to wonder what this is, in reality– not just your fake dating scenario. Before you can open your lips, a familiar black Sedan pulls up to the ‘passenger pick up area’ right in front of the small campus gate and a rumble escapes your stomach at the same time.

You and Ryuzaki stand there for a moment, hands still connected despite it being obviously time to part ways, though neither of you really want to. 

With a defeated smile you take your hand out of his and immediately notice the empty feeling filling your senses. “Well I guess I should grab a quick convenience store lunch… I only have 15 minutes left before my next class.”

Ryuzaki opens and closes his fist a few times at his side, as if he were trying to recreate the grasp he once had on you. “Ah, right. Sorry about this hold up…. My lovely girlfriend?” he ends unsurely. 

“Ok, we’re gonna work on that.”

“Right, that’s a good idea.”

You both stand together despite no longer holding hands; you can see Watari gazing in your direction through the car windshield and Ryuzaki gruffly sighs at seeing Light watching you both.

He shifts awkwardly in his shoes. “So.. how do we end this convincingly? Do we uh, hug?”

Heart rate shooting up, you shiver and cough slightly. Ok, this is apparently about to happen. It was bound to at some point considering the situation, right?

You bring your hands up slightly and step forward, heart rate nearly cracking a rib from the intensity. “Ok, uh… just– just relax. Ok? Put your hands…here.”

Ryuzaki blinks idly, for once in his life having no clue what was happening, as you guide his hands to your waist. Gently bringing your arms around his shoulders and lazily wrapping them around his neck, you tug his head in closer. Sweet candy is the scent of his breath while large nervous eyes pour into your own before shamelessly staring at your mouth. 

Nodding once to confirm his comfort, you return the gesture and tilt your head to the side and flutter your eyes shut while closing the gap. 

The kiss is slow and gentle; his lips are stiff and awkward as they meet your own. You peck his lips a few times before lingering the kiss and attempting to set a motion; his hands grip your hips in a vice at the shock. 

It’s awkward and borderline unreciprocated; pulling back slightly with a disappointed feeling at the lackluster effort on his part, Ryuzaki opens his eyes and looks at you worriedly.

His gaze moves between your eyes and pulls you in closer despite your lips no longer touching as if he’s upset it’s already over. 

“Wait. We need to…make it believable right?” He asks with a yearning expression in his eyes.

Blinking slightly in surprise but nodding nonetheless, Ryuzak hastily leans back down to eagerly connect your lips to his once again. The motion pushes your head back slightly as the intensity is surprising given his initial reaction to the first kiss.

Lips molding against yours with fervor, his hands pull you into his pelvis while you fall into a comfortable rhythm. It’s almost like you’re kissing a completely different person; each time you pull back for a breath Ryuzaki leans in to chase your lips and cut off the oxygen once again. 

Was the first kiss just a trial? It’s as if he took the first one as a sample to learn. 

And fuck was he a fast learner because the way his thumbs rub small circles on your pelvic bones leave your mind fuzzy; you can barely remember if any of your exes kissed you like this. Hands still wrapped around his neck, you sink your fingertips into the mess of hair escaping under his baseball hat and run your nails across his lower scalp.

The motion leaves him pressing forward to push your back into the tree while his head stays dipped down to your height in an effort to keep you connected as long as possible. Sugar coated lips leave you wanting more; tugging him closer and arching your back at the contact, you tilt your hips into his and your cunt drips pathetically into the fabric of your panties. 

It’s more than a kiss at this point; and fuck is it anything but casual. A complete erotic makeout session happening on campus with students now definitely pausing to scoff at the excessive PDA. The kisses are relatively tame, your tongue moves to swipe at his bottom lip, but he clearly is unaware of what that motion is indicating.

Instead, he continues the hypnotic rhythm shared between you as if breaking the kiss would kill him. When he presses forward once again, you can feel the stiffness of his cellphone in his front pocket bruise against your hips; in a shock at the feeling, you stutter slightly and he backs up hastily.  

Awkwardly coughing and stumbling backwards, Ryuzaki’s cheeks are bright red and his pupils are blown wide with predatory desire as he watches the way you pant to catch your breath. Hair slightly messed up from the way your head was grinding against the tree, you run your hands through a few times while L anxiously moves to tug the fabric of his sweatshirt lower. 

Light stands watching from across the way, a fuming expression on his face as Takada continues talking and Watari moves to raise cellphone to his ear. On cue, a ringer emits from Ryuzaki’s pocket and he sheepishly tries to revert back into character.

“Right. I should take this.. Probably a work call. Ha ha–”

You blow air through your nose in amusement and nod once, watching the way he raises his hand to wave goodbye and promptly speed walks to the car. It’s when you’re pushing off the tree to head towards the convenience store on the edge of campus that you notice Ryuzaki reach into his back pocket to retrieve his cell phone.

Fuck…there’s no way this is casual. 

ty for ur patience with this chapter! I'm doing a spontaneous trip with some friends this week so I've been busier than expected

Anyways~ it's finally heating up officially between you and L hehe and things are only gonna get steamier. PLS let me know if you want me to increase the rate of the nsfw for this-> im impatient and want yall to fuck already, but the slowburn does edge soooo good (so pls lmk!!)

reblogs/likes/comments all appreciated

FR I LUV U ALL !!

-oatmeal <3

tags: @lechatparle24 @irissfoot @iheteeaifs @automaticpatroltragedy @greenapplesaucepi @thesimpnovao

[jaelami]

Love and Deepspace: Caleb and Bad Writing (Long, LONG Rant)

I might be in the minority here but I'm not liking Caleb at all. (Edit 1: I said the wrong thing here, I do like Caleb. I think he has the potential to be a good character. The hate comes more from how Infold has done his story. Well, the story in general.)

I'm not bothered by the childhood friend thing. So that's not the issue I'm having. I'm just not liking the story. I feel like it was rushed which I know it probably wasn't but it feels that way. And it shows the bad writing of LaDS when it comes to the main storyline.

The way the MC is glossing over some huge red flags and blaring warning signs, it pisses me off. We get a tease of her fighting Caleb's yandere tendencies but she still lets it happen anyway. Infold really wanted to rush the relationship. They sure as hell don't know how to write a slow burn or even a medium burn.

Even Sylus, who has had less story and less everything, had more back and forth with MC than a supposed dead guy. MC hated and was annoyed being tethered to Sylus. Was annoyed when he appeared when she was with friends or with other hunters (conveniently when Xavier is not around).

Back to Caleb: Then there's the fact he is the only LI that wants to baby her in every aspect. The other LIs knew she could kickass and let her. Do they want to protect her? Yes. Do they protect her? Yes. But do they know she could do it on her own if needed? Hell yes. Caleb still thinks of her as the little girl who was afraid of thunderstorms. He constantly thinks of her as the girl who made childhood promises to him. And let's not forget, he drugs her to "keep her safe". He uses his evol to keep her in place. He locks her in her room. That is horrifying. And she glosses over it!!!! Everytime!!!! When she wants to "go out with friends" and he won't let her. He finds ways to keep her there. She doesn't question it.

Do I mind dark romance? No. I read dark romance but at least the FMC doesn't fall for MMC immediately. She thinks shit through. MC on the other hand doesn't bat an eye. Caleb has returned from the dead. Great, be happy. But don't just ignore that he's returned with issues and secrets. We can obviously see that he is not mentally all there. Don't just tell him everything and not be concerned that he's not reacting to shit. She's not really questioning the fact he is still alive. Not a priority, I guess.

She proceeds to tell Caleb everything about the papers that Grandma gave to Zayne (not Caleb btw) to give MC in the time of her passing. MC is not at all concerned about the consequences of doing that. She sees and hears Caleb being involved with the Professor and she still doesn't consider that a huge neon red flag. Instead she does everything in her power to excuse his behavior. What? He even tells her, "You think I have a chip in my brain?" He knows she's worried about it and still manipulates her into moving on from the question. And she does!!!

And then there's Zayne, who is also in Skyhaven, because of course he is, and still she doesn't tell him anything about Caleb even tho he was Caleb's childhood friend too. Or she doesn't go to him to ask for help. She was drugged by Caleb and she doesn't tell Zayne, her doctor. Zayne is literally there for no real reason in the story of Caleb and MC. He was used as a plot device for a different part of the story. How has Zayne not heard of Colonel Caleb? It seems that Caleb is a big deal in Skyhaven. Yet he doesn't know? I feel like Infold isn't going to have these two characters interact at all which would make no sense story wise.

We have these characters existing in one timeline/storyline together and we are supposed to believe they don't know about each other or MAYBE know about each other. Xavier literally lives in the same building as MC. He can enter her apartment at any time. She told him his fingerprint will let him in. She gave him the permission to literally barge in. He's her partner at the HA! And yet!!!! He never sees any of the other LIs come to her apartment? And he's conveniently missing when hunters are involved in the other LIs storylines. It's always another male colleague that she works with. It's getting old and stupid real quick.

The theory of the LIs being each other's antithesis makes no sense when they never acknowledge each other. Xavier/Sylus, Zayne/Caleb, Rafayel/LI6, really falls flat. It can't be they are different timelines or parallel universes when the storyline plainly connects them. In chapter 4, Caleb and Grandma talk about Zayne. They want to invite him over for dinner. And that's not the only time when the story connects the LIs. Zayne goes to check on the guy who has a mermaid skeleton in his living room. Rafayel gave the collector his painting that was slowly killing him. They all know about Onychinus which means they should know who Sylus is. And let's not forget Tara has met Sylus. Does she not mention him in front of Xavier?

I mean, come on. Math is not mathing.

Either Infold is purposely making MC dumb, because let's face it she makes some of the worst decisions, to explain the bad writing or they don't really know how to connect the storylines at all. (Edit 2: MC isn't dumb per say she lacks critical thinking skills sometimes. Maybe that's a better way to put it.)

I don't count the many 4/5 level special cards as a part of the main storyline because if that was the case the girl's evol should be teleportation or multiplication. Cause they all conveniently happen at the same time.

I know all of Caleb's cards aren't out and his storyline isn't complete (most of his cards are from the past) but that doesn't matter right now. It doesn't excuse the rushed feelings MC has in the present. Also in chapter 4, it is implied to us, as viewers, that MC didn't have romantic feelings for Caleb. They treated each other as siblings. (I know they aren't. I'm talking about how MC treated him in chapter 4.) Did Caleb have feelings? Yeah, that was obvious.

I don't know. Time will tell, I guess but so far the main story update has been disappointing for me. I want a VILLAIN romance but, please, do it well. I have the morally grey storyline with Sylus (kinda). Give me a well written Villain love interest. Don't rush it. Give me, present timeline yearning not past. Give me a slow-ish burn. Let MC and Caleb fight. Give me, knife to the throat romance. Don't make MC so gullible and naive. Let her ask other LIs for help when Caleb is stepping out of line. Have her question if he loves or is just obsessed with her.

Viper literally says that Caleb is obsessed with MC not in love with MC. He, a mentally unstable man/robot person, can tell the difference. MC is twiddling her thumbs and pretending not to see it.

Was Caleb in love at one point? I think so however with time it has twisted into obsession. (Edit 3: I'm not saying Caleb doesn't love MC now. I'm saying those feelings have twisted more to obsession. Like maybe whatever the Professor did, did something to his feelings for MC. And I know MC will enable him like MC does with Xavier. MC be freaky that way. That's not a bad thing for a FICTIONAL scenario.)

Also Kevi and Mia?! That storyline pissed me off. She literally sees something is wrong with the twins and does nothing. Mia doesn't give info to anyone because she doesn't trust them. Unfortunately for Mia, she put her trust in MC and that was a mistake because, as mentioned, MC is stupid. MC goes to where Kevi is hiding and doesn't take Zayne?!?!!? Doesn't take Kevi to Zayne immediately even tho he's ill. Why the fuck not?!

Kevi tells her point blank he was afraid of the Fleet and not to be trusted and she doesn't think it's bad when the Fleet got to him? No, because it's okay cause Caleb was involved? He was conveniently found by Caleb? That's not suspicious, that's not weird. Kevi must be okay. But wait, there's more! Mia conveniently dies right after. Neither Zayne or MC does anything beyond mentioning it was a weird coincidence. Not at all suspicious, apparently.

What the actual fuck? (Edit 4: I am aware that more happens than just casually mentioning the situation. I did, in fact, read the story. I just think certain choices leading up to Mia's death and Kevi's forced adoption could have easily been avoided or at least better written.

MC puts her trust in Caleb to do the right thing even tho she knows and acknowledges he's not the same anymore. I don't think I'm wrong for saying that it's a stupid choice story wise. It's obvious Caleb doesn't put his full trust in MC, but MC does. It causes an imbalance. We know MC can be and has been a badass; why diminish that?)

How is anyone not annoyed with the storyline? It makes Caleb a really bad character and LI, it further proves MC is dumb as shit. She's so easily manipulated and so impossibly naive.

No. No one cares because he's the Winter Soldier. Omg if real money is going to be spent on this godforsaken game make it worth it.

I was so excited for Caleb too. It's just sad.

(Edit 5: Because someone mentioned this 🙄, I'm aware that this is a Reverse Harem. I don't know where I said it wasn't. Besides this rant is based on the MAIN STORYLINE ONLY. NOT THE INDIVIDUAL CARDS.)

Also a random note, I don't like the voice of Jenna. It doesn't fit her at all. Not bashing the VA at all. She has a great voice. It's just not a strong voice for Jenna.

(Reminder: Before someone calls me easily manipulated, please note I was able to piss you off for criticizing a mobile game and a FICTIONAL character. I don't mind having adult discussions about LaDS but be an adult about it. I enjoy different perspectives and I'm not set on my opinions about the game. My mind can change depending on what comes next. It makes discussing/ playing the game more fun. I am allowed to express my opinions and feelings on what is out. If my opinion makes you so angry to the point of name calling, maybe you need to stop playing. A parasocial relationship to pixelated men is not a good thing for your mental health.)

[beef-brisket]

Verosika: That was amazing!

Adam chuckled as he walked off stage and hugged Verosika.

Since he started working for Ozzie in his clubs, he's found that he's gotten even more popular. He hasn't felt this safe in years, even in Heaven. Things were starting to look up, which is why something had to ruin it.

Verosika: The Princess is in your dressing room.

Adam: I- What?

Adam pulled away and looked lightly terrified. Looking past Verosika's shoulder and down the hallway to the dressing rooms, he felt his heart rate speed up.

Verosika: Hey. No.

She cupped his cheeks and forced him to look at her.

Verosika: You know I don't give a fuck about authority figures, if you want her gone, just say the word. I don't give a shit who she is.

Adam sighed and petted Verosika's hand: No, it's okay... I'll see her.

-

Adam stood outside his dressing room door. He was beyond pissed off. And scared. How dare Charlie think she can just invade his space and wait for him. Like some hunter.

Opening the door, Adam couldn't help but glare at her- and glare harder at Vaggie. Because of cause the princess couldn't leave the hotel without her guard dog.

He's never felt much anger towards Charlie, but now? Since everything that had gone down with Lucifer? Yeah, no. Fuck her. It was her fault.

Adam: Oh look. Two lesbos invading my personal space. Again. And I'm not even being paid this time.

Adam walked past the girls and sat down at his makeup table, spinning his chair around to face them. He did his best to look unbothered, but judging by the way Charlie flinched and looked down, he wasn't doing very well.

Vaggie: You're lucky we paid you the first time.

Adam glared: Sorry. I don't talk to dogs. And in fact, their not allowed in the dressing rooms. They shit everywhere.

He smirked as Vaggie growled: Watch yourself mouth, whore-!

Adam: See, there it goes. Shitting. Either treat me with respect, or get the fuck out! I'm done dealing with assholes who think they can treat me anyway they fucking want.

Charlie: Adam- I swear, that isn't what we're doing-.

Adam: Really? Before you showed up, I only had one freak to worry about, but all of a sudden, I got attacked by some short asshole, who THEN came to my fucking house- the only safe place I had, and tried to fuck me! So, I don't care what you're doing. You're lucky I'm even agreeing to speak eith you.

Vaggie: Not like you get a choice, she is the princess-.

Adam: I don't give a shit who she is. So, hurry up. The fuck are you hear for?

Vaggie: Ad-.

Adam: I wasn't speaking to you. Or are you Charlie's voice as well? Little princess can't speak for herself now?

Charlie: I can. Sorry, Adam. I uh... I'm here to see you about... dad-.

Adam: Ha! Nope. I have a restraining order on him for a fucking reason. Let me guess, the short king depressed because he didn't get his way? Typical.

Charlie: Adam- please. He's... broken.

Adam: Good. No one gave a shit when I was fucking hurting! Why do I have to put down everything and stop my life, to comfort people who didn't give a shit about me?! You don't even know the shit I've fucking been through, not only in Hell, but Heaven and Eden as well!

Adam folded his arms: Short king finally got a taste of his own medicine? Fucking good. Don't bother me about it.

Charlie: He loves you, Adam!

Adam: Yeah? And I loved him in Eden. He didn't care, in fact he fucking laughed at me! Both if you shit hole parents did. So, fuck. Him. And not in the good way.

Charlie sighed, only smiling when Vaggie rubbed her back. She had no idea how to convince Adam.

Succubus au

@beef-brisket

@fanofstuff01

(This au was originally on @things-aren't-what-they-seem66blog and was originally thought of by an anonymous ask)

The roaring of the crowd and the playing of his guitar deafened his ears but the incubus didn't care. He loved the way they cheered his name while he shredded on his axe. With one final strum, his song was done. He raised his arms and gave the horns, to which his fans reciprocated, and bid them all goodnight. He walked away his hands still raised until he was out of sight from them. Adam sighed heavily and wiped the sweat with his forearm as he made his way to his dressing room.

Once there he flopped onto the couch and groaned. Though Adam loved being a rockstar and having adoring fans, he wouldn't lie to himself, each performance, especially concerts, can be quite draining since he always had to prepare with mic checks and making sure he sounded right. Steve, his producer/manager/on-and-off-again fling, always assured him that these were mandatory. Just one of those sacrifices that come with being a star. Still, Adam felt a little like shit and he needed a drink, a hard one. Unfortunately, his evening wasn't quite over yet as knocking was heard from the other side of the door then a voice called out.

Assistant: Excuse me? Commander? I'm sorry for bothering you but I brought the VIP guests here with me.

Adam sighed completely forgetting about that. Almost all VIPs get access to meet him after every show. Though he loved his fans coming to him and saying how much they loved him, maybe even getting some head from the older crowd, tonight, he didn't want to. However, he knew that he didn't have much of a choice. Unless he wanted Steve up his ass, and not in a good way. Letting out a long groan he sat up, rubbed his eyes, and yelled out to her.

Adam: Bring them in.

He closed his eyes and sighed once again as he heard the door open and feet shuffle in. He prepared himself for the immediate responses of squealing and clamoring over to shake his hand. However, he was not prepared for a familiar voice to call out his name.

Charlie: A, Adam?

He opened his eyes and standing in front of him were Charlie, Vaggie, and a one-eyed sinner.

[skyfallscotland]

Things I loved about Onyx Storm, in no particular order 🖤⚡️

This is an addendum to my overall review post—there’s also one about the things that I didn’t like here.

I do love ride or die riorgail, even if their characters didn't feel quite right to me (dare I say fanon-esque?). In any case, threatening people for the one they love? 10/10, would eat it up every time.

The dragons being every rider's first love? It won't be a surprise to you if you've read BRV but I adore this take so much.

She was the first to choose me, to elevate me above all others, the first to see every ugly side of me and accept it all, and every single person in this fucking canyon will die before they remove a single one of her scales.

Ok then!

And Violet?

“You see, that’s my little one.”

I'm crying!!

Tairn and Andarna? Like that's her father!!!

“Do not go any deeper than your claws!” Tairn lectures, his tail nearly taking out a tree when he pivots to watch her go. “I swear, if you get in over your head, I’ll let you drown.”

Their every interaction made me:

Except for this one, which had me tearing up!

Tairn cranes his neck forward and growls. “You will not raise your voice to her.” Andarna turns her head and narrows her eyes at Tairn. “Do not ruin this for me.” Hurt stabs through the bond and Tairn recoils, his head drawing back to cover Ridoc and me.

Then there's Sgaeyl—mother!!!

“You are an inconvenience for which there is no adequate measurement.”

She wasn't talking to Xaden all book (v upsetti spaghetti) but she still would defend him with her life because she's mum!!

“Tell her the truth. He loathes her,” Tairn suggests. “As does Sgaeyl. The life-giver is lucky she wasn’t scorched this morning, though I do believe Sgaeyl is still contemplating her options.”

Speaking of mothers, I both hated and loved the Hedotis chapters. I really enjoyed them, I thought they were fun, Violet channeled the twin she doesn't know she has (lol iykyk) which was in my opinion out of character for her (threatening someone's kids???) but despite the lack of character growth to get there, I still really enjoyed this sequence for all its emotional aspects.

“How does she”—he points to the door—“ deserve my ten minutes when she fed me chocolate cake on my tenth birthday and vanished later that night? I am the fulfillment of a contract for her. Nothing more. I don’t give a shit how she looks at me, or whatever bullshit she undoubtedly spewed at you. The only reason we’re in her house is because she’s married to one of the triumvirate, and I have no problem using that to get what we need.”

I don't know how chocolate cake is still his favourite food because that would ruin me. (It just did).

Violet's protectiveness in this sequence was everything though! 😭 Fuck you, Talia!

“What I need is for Xaden to be all right. If that means setting this house on fire and leaving without accomplishing anything else on this isle, then I’ll hand him a torch.”

Onto other characters, Ridoc is still hilarious and honestly his humour and one-liners saved my reading experience from being downright terrible, same with Cam—sorry CamLAEN! (lol)

Once again, I really thought she might kill Ridoc for a second there (this is very much a flipped Iron Flame re-write in some aspects lmao) but thankfully for everyone involved, she didn't.

"Violet was out of control. She kicked a queen’s ass and poisoned Xaden’s mom and all three Hedotic heads of state, but secured us an army.”

“Oh, and just so we’re clear, that strike up there wasn’t”—he gestures between us—“ you know. Us.” He flinches. “I mean, it was us because I pissed her off, but it wasn’t us… us, if you know what I’m saying.”

Confirmation everyone knows about the lightning storms.

The representation—as someone living through Australian summer, I really appreciated that POTS was represented more thoroughly in the hot climate of the Isles, though it was still never actually touched on (I think there could have been a line in there explaining why it was relevant/what was happening in her body and that she wasn't just tired) but still, happy to see it there and (don't take this the wrong way but) maybe to see Violet struggle more, just a little.

Then there's Dain.

Dain! My boy, my baby. He was 110% done with everyone and I'm so here for it. He was going through it!

“Was that a compliment? What the fuck is going on?” Dain asks, his gaze flying to mine. “Did you give him something?”

Dain puts both hands up, palms outward at his chest. “How in all that’s holy am I to blame for this?”

“Love wasting my time,” Dain mutters, then shoves the small booklet I recognize as the language compendium for Unnbriel into the chest pocket of his flight jacket.

Aaric sighs from beside Xaden, then proceeds to speak like he was freaking born here. Dain looks ready to murder him.

I also got my wish for him and Sloane, which was unexpected but appreciated! (I created tags for not one but TWO of the ships in this book and I am so stoked about it!). It also makes Rebecca's TS song choice of The Prophecy for him make a lot more sense.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Xaden calls up at Dain as he dismounts, but my focus firmly locks over Brennan’s shoulder. “Following her ass,” Dain replies.

“I don’t coddle first-years anymore, so train. Your. Signet.” “Asshole,” she whispers, and the flush in her cheeks deepens.

I love them, your honour. I would read whole books about them.

Speaking of—

“What the fuck are we going to do with that thing for the rest of the trip?” “Her name is Broccoli, not that,” he mutters.

These two (three?) are iconic and I want more of them. I want Mira recovering from her injuries and Drake coming to check on her and dumping a kitten on her chest, and Mira pretending she doesn't like Broccoli but secretly finding her comforting and letting her stay (and him, too, because it's love).

Professor Riorson. God this was ridiculous and I hated it, but it made me laugh.

The normally sweet drink tastes bitter in my throat.

Absolutely fan service but I'm positive it made us all groan aloud at the same time, which was amusing.

“Agreed,” Ridoc says. “And it’s always the same fight.” He lifts his hand to his chest. “I’ll trust you if you stop keeping secrets!” He drops the hand and scowls. “It’s my secretive nature that attracted you, and why can’t you just stay out of harm’s way for five fucking minutes?”

“You could hyphenate,” Garrick suggests. “Or combine? Riorgail? Sorrenson?”

Also, fan service, which, did I like it? No, but I laughed at (because otherwise I'd cry so).

And then there were lines like this, that made me absolutely tear up and hit me in the feels:

But something is broken between here”—he taps the side of his head—“ and here”—he repeats the motion above his heart. “And I can’t control it.

He cups the back of my neck and pulls me within inches of his face—close enough to kiss. “I could reach the rank of Maven, lead armies of dark wielders against everyone we care for, and watch every vein in my body turn red as I channel all the power in the Continent, and I would still love you. What I did doesn’t change that. I’m not sure anything can.”

So yeah, even if my overall experience was messy and chaotic, and perhaps not the best it could be, I did still love parts of it and find some of it enjoyable. I'm trying to change my mindset for a re-read, but I think it's best if I have some space before I try again.

In the meantime, what was your favourite thing? 🖤

[mattmurdocksscars]

A Crossed Line

uhhh...I'm sorry. This is not my best work and it's sad. So I'm double sorry. But I still hope you enjoy it.

Word Count: 1363

Warnings: Major character death, stereotypical violence

“Why did you stop?” Fisk asked from across the booth. A question Matt knows he knows the answer to. Yet it has the desired effect. Matt is thrown off and his mind immediately goes back to that night. The night that changed everything. He grits his teeth and answers honestly.

“A line was crossed.” Fisk nods at his answer and Matt spends the rest of the meeting wishing he never agreed to this in the first place. When they go their separate ways, Matt finds himself spiraling. He always remembers that night but being asked about his reasoning for stopping just shoved it to the forefront of his mind. He contemplated calling Foggy but instead went home. 

There, he pulled his tie loose and threw off his coat. Throwing himself down on his bed, he put his arm over his eyes and sighed. For the hundredth time, he replayed that night.

It started when he came home only to find your apartment empty. His heart had started to pound in his chest as he realized your apartment was a mess. The table and chairs were strewn around, there was stuff all over the floor, and the front door was open. It was Claire all over again. 

Panicking, Matt had tried to think of who could have pulled this off, who he'd pissed off enough that they would have grabbed you. The answer doesn't come so instead, he climbs back up to your roof and opens his senses up hoping to pick up on something that would lead him to you.

It takes longer than he's comfortable with but something breaks through the noise.

“Why do you think we had to grab such a random person? They certainly didn't seem like the usual people boss has us grab.”

“I don't know, man. I don't get paid to care who we grab.”

Matt hones in on that conversation and follows it across Hell's Kitchen. When he had caught up to the two henchmen, they had only been able to tell him where you were dropped off. Matt had chased that lead like a dog with a bone. But when he got to the location, the warehouse was empty. This was how the rest of the night went, until the early hours of the morning. Every time he thought he'd found the last clue leading to you, it would just be another smoke screen. 

Matt was running out of time. Daylight was approaching and if he didn't find you before then, he didn't know what he would do. But thankfully, something gave and he finally found where you were being held. As he fought his way to you, he realized you were kidnapped because of your connection to Daredevil. Someone had seen the two of you together and had connected the dots. A million thoughts had raced through Matt's head then. Mainly how the two of you were going to proceed when this was over. His lack of focus cost him though. As Matt was going for the leader, he grabbed you and held a gun to your side. 

“Come any closer and I shoot.” Matt held up his hands, panting. He cocked his head and listened to the truth of the man's words. There was no hesitation in this man's voice. His hold on the gun was firm. He meant it. If Matt stepped closer, he would shoot you. So Matt tried to come up with other ideas.

“Let them go.” Matt growled, voice rough.

“And why would I do that?”

“Because if you don't, I will make your life hell.” 

“You think I'm stupid? Even if I let them go, you're still gonna come after me. No, I think I'll keep my nice little hostage. After all, you care too much about their safety to risk it. Isn't that right, Daredevil?” Matt snarled and that's when he made the mistake. He instinctually stepped closer at the threat and he watched in horror as a calmness settled over the leader. 

“I warned you.”

Everything happened at once then. 

The gun went off. 

Matt lunged forward screaming. 

The leader dropped you and ran. 

You hit the floor hard and screamed. 

Matt raced to you and carefully pulled you up, causing you to cry out in more pain.

“D. You came.” You stuttered over his nickname and slurred your words and Matt felt panic rise.

“Of course I did. We need to get you help. Come on, sweetheart.” Matt tried to lift you but you only screamed in pain. His next thought was to find his burner phone but when he pulled it from his pocket, it was smashed. Matt yelled and threw it.

“I-It's okay.” 

“NO, it's not. I need to get you help, we have to get you to a hospital, sweetheart. Let me try to lift you again.” Matt pleaded but you shook your head. 

“Matt, I'm sorry.”

“No. No, don't apologize. This is my fault. I'm so sorry. Please. Please don't do this.” Matt begged. “Help! Someone, please, help!” 

You weakly reached up and ran your fingers over the edge of his mask, just catching a tear that fell.

“Can I see your face? Please?” You asked, your hand falling away. Matt sniffled but immediately pulled his mask off. His hand cupped your face and he tilted his head down so you could see his face better. You sighed weakly.

“You have such… beautiful eyes.” You told him. His face scrunched up as if in pain and he sobbed. He could hear an ambulance but even he knew you wouldn't last long enough for it to make it to you. You smiled at him even through the pain.

“I love you, Matt Murdock. Don't you…ever forget that.” Your breath was coming weaker and your eyelids started drooping.

“No, come on, sweetheart. Just a little while longer. Please. Please hold on. For me?” Your eyes fluttered before they opened back up. You fixed your gaze on his face and tried to fight it. You really did.

But death waits for no one.

Matt sobbed brokenly as your body shuddered in his arms, your breathing stopping. He heard the way your heart stopped beating. And he lost it.

Throwing his head back, he let out a primal scream. He knew, based on the damage to your body, that there would be no bringing you back. You were gone. Forever.

To this day, Matt's unsure of how much time he spent bent over your body, screaming and crying. It was long enough that the ambulance arrived. EMTs rushed to pull you from his arms but he could only whisper, “They're gone.” 

They got so caught up in trying to bring you back, that he was able to put his mask back on and slip away. He watched from above as they covered your body and called it, requesting the coroner. He made his way home numbly and knew he needed to pull himself together. He could lose it again when the cops came to notify him. He was your husband after all and would be the next of kin that they notified. He had gone home and waited. Looking back, it hadn't taken long at all for the cops to show up. But that time had felt like ages to him. 

Sighing, Matt wiped the tears off his face and sat up. Even though it had been over a year since that night, it still hit Matt like it was yesterday. He reckoned he should call Foggy. He was going to want to know how the meeting with Fisk went anyways. Standing up, Matt began to walk back towards the living room. But he stopped and turned towards the night stand. There stood a picture frame with a picture of the two of you on your wedding day. Matt could never take it down. Fondly, he ran his fingers over it.

“I will always miss you, sweetheart.” He whispered before turning his back on the picture and that night. He would not let Fisk rattle him. Steeling himself, he picked up his phone and called Foggy. 

He may as well get this over with.