#they just dont make men like that anymore

[illbegottenfaith]

kiss me better, love

as the two of you stumble into bed after a Valentine's dinner date, theo realises it's not fair how much he loves you (theo nott x reader)

a/n - valentines fic #2 !!!! thought of this idea in a class literally 5 hours ago and idk if its the sleep deprivation but this is sooo self-indulgent writing this had me giggling and kicking my feet frfr 😭 all I have to say is if this isnt me and my future partner I dont want him I send him BACK

tropes/warnings - physical touch as a love language, angry theo but also soft theo 🥰🥰 no (read: minimal) proof reading we die like men etc etc

word count - 1.5k

taglist - @hzdhrtss @justaproudperson @ebriton @thaliashifts @friedfreyfries @allie-sturns

The door shuts behind you both, plunging the room into near-darkness. You barely take a step before bumping into Theo, your knee knocking against his thigh, your hands flying to his shoulders as you stumble.

"Merlin,” he mutters, steadying you with a grip at your waist. “Can you - ��

“You're the one barging into me,” you shoot back, tucking a lock behind your ear as you tighten your grip on Theo’s shoulder, making him wince.

“Anyway, like I was saying, it hasn’t even been a week since Missy - ”

Theo exhales sharply, blindly reaching for the zipper at your back. “Is this something I really need to be hearing right now?” he asks somewhat waspishly.

“Yes.” You barely register his tone, still preoccupied. “So I walk into Charms in Tuesday, expecting to find Josh understandably distraught and/or in mourning. But who do I see him chatting up instead?"

"Hair."

You gather your hair up in one hand to hold it up and go right on talking. You barely notice Theo's largely ineffective attempts at pushing your sleeves off your shoulders.

"Pansy Parkinson! Pansy flipping Parkinson. What, does he think he's a free man now or something? Melissa's halfway across the world, she's not dead."

"Mhm."

You sigh exaggeratedly at his lackluster responses.

“Well? Don't you have to anything to add?"

“Yeah - hold still.” You This is just ridiculous, Theo was thinking. What kind of dress needed buttons and a zip?

You huff, switching your hair to your other hand. “Honestly, Theo, have you listened to a single thing I’ve been saying the past hour?”

Theo groans, still fumbling at your lower back. He had figured out the buttons were decorative, bless him, but your dress was on the more delicate side, and if he ripped it, he'd never hear the end of it. “Uh, yeah, that Abernathy guy...he’s two-timing Melissa?"

“He is not,” you say, peering over your shoulder to see what was taking Theo so long. Seriously, what was going on back there? It doesn't help, though, not when you can barely make him out in the dark. “not yet at least. He might. And if he's going to, well, isn't it better she finds out now rather than ten years down the road? Or am I an awful friend for thinking that?"

"Thinking what?" Theo asks distractedly.

"Willing my best friend's boyfriend into cheating on her."

Before he can formulate a response, your stubborn zipper finally decides to cooperate and moves down an inch - snagging at his finger. A sharp hiss cuts through the dark, followed by some emphatic, muttered swearing.

You pause.

“…what was that?”

Theo slips his injured finger out of his mouth briefly, his voice strained as he struggles to keep the pain out of his tone. “Nothing.”

You shift slightly, trying to catch his expression in the dark, but he’s suspiciously still now, his hands nowhere on you anymore.

“Theo.”

“I’m fine.”

Your brow furrows. Then, his suddenly subdued demeanour and oddly neutral tone clicks in your head.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

There’s an immediate rustle, followed by Theo’s very delayed attempt at nonchalance.

“…no.”

Oh, you could throttle him. “Was it the zip again?”

“You keep saying that like I do it intentionally - I never mean to-”

“And now you're trying to suck the pain away like a child?”

“Would you rather I bleed all over your dress?”

“I’d rather you watch what you’re doing so you don’t get maimed by a bloody zip in the first place!”

Theo exhales sharply, his frustration palpable. “I keep telling you - I don't-”

“You never mean to, but here we are.” You cross your arms. “Third time in two weeks, Theo. This is getting ridiculous. Should I hire a nurse for our dates? A medic? Do you need to start taking my clothes off under medical supervision? Is that what we've come to?"

Theo glares at you (or the shadowy figure he was mostly sure was you), trying to pull his attention away from the stinging pain. “Oh, don’t start - ”

“You don’t think before you do things.”

Theo groans. “I think plenty.”

“No, you rush plenty. Really, it’s a miracle you still have all your limbs -”

He rolls his eyes. “Oh, here we go.”

“First, you burn yourself on my curling iron -”

“Okay, one, you shouldn't be leaving your things out like that.”

“Then you cut yourself opening a tin of biscuits -”

Theo tips his head back in exasperation. “You sh - you literally shoved it at me!”

“ - and now my zipper is out to get you?” You throw your hands up. “What are you telling me, Teddy? That every item I own has a personal vendetta against you?”

"Mattheo agrees with me, you know," you continue smugly, in a so-there kind of tone. "He told me about that time you nearly broke your neck falling down that flight of stairs on the way to Transfiguration, which wouldn't have happened if you weren't - "

"Rushing, I know." Theo steps back as if to escape. “Merlin, you are insufferable - ”

“And you are reckless.”

“I don't need you to lecture me.”

“You’d be fine if you just listened to m - show me your finger.”

A brief struggle ensues.

You lunge; he sidesteps. You fumble blindly for his hand; he twists out of reach.

“For fuck’s sake -”

“Stop being so difficult.”

“I’m not being difficult, you’re being a menace.”

“At least I don't get mauled by zippers.”

“I'm telling you, that zipper has it out for me."

“Well, maybe if you weren’t always in such a bloody rus - ”

“Enough with the rushing!”

“I can't help it if you never learn - ”

“I do learn,” he snaps, stepping back further - only for you to grab onto his wrist and pull.

There’s a shuffle, a scuffle as Theo stumbles back into the dresser with a thud.

“Oi - ”

“Oh, stop squirming, you big baby.”

“You stop grabbing- ”

“Theodore, you are injured. Act like it.”

“I am n- ”

“Then give me your hand.”

A long, heavy pause. Then -

“No.”

You groan, exasperated. “Merlin, you are the most - ”

“And you are relentless - ”

But at last, in an impressive show of determination, you manage to latch onto his wrist, wrenching his hand towards you before he can twist away again. Theo groans in frustration, but you’ve already found the wound—his fingertip, warm and damp against yours.

“Oh, for - ” You tighten your grip as he tries to pull away. “You are bleeding!”

Theo tenses, his entire body bristling. “It’s nothing.”

“On my zipper,” you say incredulously. “Again.”

He exhales sharply as if this is somehow your fault. “You don’t need to make a whole production of it - ”

“I told you to be careful - ”

“And I was - ”

“Clearly not enough!”

Theo groans, tipping his head back against the dresser. “I’m buying you a tear-away dress next Valentine’s.”

You bite back a smirk. “I’d like to see you figure that one out.”

He mutters something under his breath that you don’t quite catch, but you’re already bringing his hand up, brushing your lips over the wound.

He stills.

The fight, the irritation, the tension - all of it dissolves instantly under your touch.

You press another kiss there, softer this time. Through a sliver of moonlight cutting through the curtains, he sees your face - your impish expression, your eyes, alight with amusement and plain adoration. You watch his face too - his furrowed brows relaxing, the slight part of his lips, his sharp features softened by something indiscernible.

His eyes flick to yours.

And Merlin, it’s not fair, he thinks. It’s not fair how you can drive him to the brink of insanity one second and then look at him like that the next, like you could never get your fill. It's enough to make him think you're worth all the trouble you put him through. It's enough to make him want to slow down. Merlin knows the last thing he wants is to rush through his days with you.

“…better?” you murmur against his skin after a moment.

Theo exhales, rolling his eyes as though he isn’t already relenting. "It's a start," he says grudgingly.

Your smile widens as you bring his hand up again, pressing another kiss there, then another, then another.

Theo groans, tipping his head back again, his frustration dwindling with every sympathetic brush of your lips.

“You like this,” you tease.

“Shut up,” he mumbles, but his voice has softened, his body relaxing into yours.

You grin, pressing a kiss to his wrist. Then his palm.

Theo groans again, for reasons unrelated to his earlier irritation, his fingers curling at your waist.

You laugh softly. “Want me to kiss you better everywhere?”

Theo smiles weakly, pulling you closer. “That's the best idea you've had all night."

[damn-iwantedtobecalledmystique]

i constantly forget that first class is set in the 60s but the one thing that always makes me remember is Sean's cunty ass shoes in the scenes in the cia facility

[vanilla-extracter]

found more discworld books its so over for me

[skunkes]

[codecicle-archive]

assigned cishet at tumblr post 💔💔

watched the top surgery scars get blown clean off my chest with this one. i suddenly feel like exclusively dating women monogamously, and losing all attraction to men I've ever had in my entire life. #cishetpride

[xxplastic-cubexx]

thank yoy for drawing erik so big . He is a big man. HUGE EVEN. thank you.

Big man……….. i love me big man…..

[confessiononadancefloor]

still so heartbroken about my high school situationship not because i was in love but because for almost five years i was playing second fiddle to the most boring girl imaginable who, in retrospect, i was way prettier and cooler than but who made me feel so bad about myself at that time, trying to be more like her and never getting it right bc she was just so boring i couldnt stand it, and like internalizing all of that for years, really putting the last nail into my general insecurities and inability to form romantic relationships

[overtake]

admitting ur a larrie and saying it brought you to your current ship is such a brave personal choice. this comment should be an official diagnosis in the dsm-5.

[bulbabutt]

i sure hope as a second mass exodus from twitter occurs (along with the overwhelming conservative nature of the world right now) we dont keep getting more people demanding purity culture. you cant demand every pervert on the internet 'kys' or else there will eventually be no one left on the internet. that window of acceptability will always swing back further and further until the idea of sharing a bed as a married couple is taboo once again.

this is one of the last bastions of peace we have where you can post queer or diverse or maybe just weird art without getting spotted by bigoted grifters trying to make money off outrage culture calling you a pervert or worse. and its entirely imperfect as a website with its own fucking problems, but i really hope the people on it dont start getting worse.

i dont care what you do so long as youre kind to others and respect their rights to exist, and their boundaries. that shouldnt be a controversial statement but i bet i lose followers over it again.

it should also go without question that this does not include people who celebrate fascism. those are the people you need to make clear do not belong in your spaces, people who wilfully wish harm on the more marginalized.

and i understand that i keep bringing this up, that i sound like a broken record and perhaps thats annoying, but im honestly worried about it. i think modern social media and the nature of needing to network to be found by an algorithm that doesnt like anything controversial makes everyone worse. makes you try to be as broadly acceptable as possible. but thats always going to be a losing battle as more and more things become less acceptable.

i think a lot of you just might not have been alive before 2008, but anonymity on the internet is so important. it keeps you safe. we lost that at some point, as the socials with your full name and phone number started forcibly adding your boss to your friends list. made everyone start locking down their shit, as a random meme about 'boss makes a dollar i make a dime' can get you fired.

theres a lot of outing and doxxing culture thats so fucking normalized, and as the world grows more hostile to people who make a stink about things, i hope you dont find any excuse to get them hurt just so you can separate yourselves from them. i want you to think about things like the hayes code, where being gay could get you labelled a pervert. so you might think 'its okay ive never done anything inappropriate on the internet' (which, i dont believe you about) maybe not yet, but as the ideals of whats socially acceptable turn back to the 1950s you will have. keeping at a witch hunt looking for anyone with immoral art is only feeding the fire that will eat you later.

[scalpelsister]

also this isnt really proper shade at larian or anything and the writing of this game is SAURE good so dont take it this way but.

i sure do wish. Minthara was not villain batted as hard as she was. Her being locked to "evil" runs and being mutually exclusive with several party members. Her being nothing more than a miniboss for your average player- who does not even know shes a potential party member! Her being so chronically unloved by the community because... shes the "evil" companion. Hell, even the amount of people saying frankly really edgy shit about killing her or hurting her completely unprompted lmao. Like I genuinely think shes been pretty unfairly demonized both by the community and by the meta of just like... the game itself because she's really actually..... kind of, dare I say, sweet? if you get to know her. ugh.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

Hmmm if you wanna be a cowboy go to Texas but idk if a european is ready for Texas. Pretty sure Bigfoot is there or smth

Also as a person from southern usa (not Texas but I visit sometimes) be prepared for the heat and make sure you go to the right part of Texas unless you want them 👹 to get you. Hope this helped 🥰

(PS) yeehaw :D (if you are one of them 👹 please reblog so batarangsoundsdumb knows to run 🏃)

"i dont know if a european is ready for texas" there is nobody as badly prepared for texas as texas itself.

[snekdood]

make your mean spirited jokes about men all you want but byeeeeeeeeee

[quillkiller]

why do you think the marauders fandom is like so afraid of making women be masculine

no joke i just think people hate masculine women ! the only people ive ever met who are into butch women are either other lesbians or queer people who genuinely have put in the work to distance themselves from male validation

butch/masculine women or dykes are seen are disgusting for their hairy bodies and no make-up whereas a mans lean body and androgony will simply make him ’hot’ and ’daring’ and ’omg he’s crushing the gender norms!!!!’ <- which is honestly almost never true lmao

anyway. women who don’t shave or don’t wear makeup or are masculine are seen as lazy or ugly ! and women are terrfied of being ugly. im butch and im terrified of being ugly. there’s almost no space for butch women outside of lesbian circles, but feminine men are still relatable and seen as accessible and can still fit in with all genders! people will always love femininity, and honestly almost even more when it’s men doing it because there’s only one thing a patriarchal society loves more than a feminine woman….. men…

[lotus-lamps]

happy pride month or something amirite (i never got to finish an actual pride drawing sorry you’ll have to take this really shittily drawn meme instead lmao) please tell me you get the reference

vaguely based off of this fic that hasnt been updated since 2014 but has me on a chokehold 😭 (i’ll upload more art of it soon)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

Do you think Erik would be more of a vampire or a werewolf (in a AU I guess) (and also what do you think Charles would be?) I lowkey imagine Charles as little red riding hood if Erik was a werewolf.

i feel like they're both pretty vampire coded...... if we must assign them vampire or werewolf......

[theprinceandthewitch]

"Dana released a new video about The Owl House's lore!"