#they have so many similar issues it's lowkey insane

[haharuspex]

white-haired obnoxious bastard vs white-haired obnoxious bastard but in pink. they think they're sooooo smart about "seducing" each other but they just have similar tactics/issues

anyway my boi temerity as bg3 protag, he and astarion would pull each other's hair out ♥️

[mymoshangthoughts]

the thing about my mobei jun hcs are that i believe two things are equally true

mobei jun is helplessly in love with (airplane) shang qinghua and would do literally anything for him, finds him charming, wants to spend the rest of his life with him, would simp 100%, very in love

mobei jun absolutely hates that sniveling motherfucking stupid piece of dumb shit (airplane) shang qinghua and spends many days thinking about how nice it would be to pop off his stupid little head so that he'd stop with all the fucking bullshit and also, fuck that guy

like i think he finds pathetic crybaby airplane to be the cutest thing ever. and he simultaneously thinks he's the most obnoxious bastard ever.

to be fair, i think most of his hate comes solely from the fact that:

airplane is clearly lying to him, has been clearly lying to him, their whole fucking relationship is basically a lie from day 1 and getting him to say anything sincere is like pulling teeth

airplane is not his type. oki bear with me, i know that i SAY two-faced crybabies are his type and thats because THEY ARE. but its like, he doesnt REALIZE that's his type and it's also the type he hates. highkey, this man has 'uncle issues' and realizing that his type is lowkey similar to his uncle is a reality that he is NOT ready to cope with. so he very much THINKS thats the type of person he hates most, even tho he's weak to it

airplane is NOT RESPONDING APPROPRIATELY TO ANY OF HIS COURTING ATTEMPTS, NOT EVEN GIVING AN APPROPRIATE REJECTION. IT IS MADDENING. try being strung along for many years with someone who keeps kinda giving you HOPE they miiigggghhhttt like you back, but then they rescind it just as quickly. over and over and over until you kinda hate them a little bit

i just love the contradiction of mobei jun being very ready to be a devoted and loving partner while also being very ready and happy to punt shang qinghua into a death-cave, oki? like he's been strung along for WAY TOO LONG not to have some hang ups about his shitty not-boyfriend

in other words, our beloved ice demon king is a motherfucking tsundere. to his very core, this trsundere is dying at all times because he simultaneously loves and hates the object of his affection and feels deeply embarrassed by his own feelings and equally shameless about them. mobei jun is pretty much ready at all times to completely deny any affection ever held for shang qinghua with a cold passion AND to shamelessly announce that this is his consort, his husband, the owner of his heart, and the only one he ever wants near him and the person he cares for most in this world

our precious tsundere king is sliiiggghhttly just trying to guard his heart from breaking because shang qinghua basically sends him every single mixed message in the world and LOOK IT MAKES HIM A LOT INSANE

when he tastes even a whiff of rejection from shang qinghua, mobei jun is ready to close himself off and haughtily sniff "i never liked that human anyway, fuck off. im not crying at all". at the slightest indication that shang qinghua returns his affections, he's ready to throw away almost all of his pride and cling to him desperately

i love him so much. mobei jun is so fucking silly and i love it. he absolutely is mad at shang qinghua and holds a grudge against him (for various reasons). but he's also so down bad for shang qinghua that it's a bit sad lmfaooo

expanding upon my previous thoughts of "shang qinghua totally tricking mobei jun into marrying him without his knowledge", i'd just like to say that i think it's a particularly amazing thought with regards to mobei jun's Very Conflicted Heart in mind

like he's split in equal parts "omg omg omg im his!? he's mine?! WE'RE MARRIED?!?!?! HE LOVES ME?!!? HEAD EMPTY, NEED QINGHUA, WHERE QINGHUA, MUST QINGHUA, LOVE QINGHUA, AHHHHHHHHH, NEED HUSBAND NOW" and ".........im going to kill him. im going to skin him alive. im going to roast him over one of those fires he loves so fucking much and eat his organs in front of him while he pleads for his life. THAT MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE HIM IM GONNA--"

[imjustavenuxwithaboomerang]

zeddison headcanons because i want them both and i need them back neow

they're both queer (not really a niche headcanon but i'm putting it)

it took zed many months to get over the dog imitation habit

(ignoring the queer headcanon for a sec) addison is the biggest ally to ever ally. like one of those obnoxious allies but it works for her

^full on rainbow cake and celebration when literally anyone comes out, but she'll also be lowkey if requested

they are "me? obsessed with you? yes, yes i am" personified (about each other, ofc)

addison was zed's anchor when it came time to learn how to control his zombie state (similar to kipo and her anchor from kataow)

addison knows enough of the zombie language to have conversations but struggles with pronunciation (i'm slightly projecting with this one i fear)

they're literally always holding hands or linking their arms/pinkies (literally canon)

addison lets zoey dress her up and do her hair, especially after she got her true alien hair

^zed has a whole album of pictures of addison after zoey's makeovers (simply just because he loves them both so much, literally only like 3 were taken for funny reasons)

zed has dyscalculia but thought that it was just a zombie brain issue for the longest time (yes, he's canonically top of his class. yes, i'm giving him dyscalculia. both can be true)

^once he figured out what he had, he had to be practically begged by addison and his friends to ask for accommodations

addison is insanely touch-starved but presents herself like she's not (i definitely feel like dale and missy weren't the most physically affectionate parents, and i assume that angie (her most touchy relative) died when addison was young)

addison is closer to eliza and bonzo than zed is to bree (this is pretty much supported by a handful of scenes in the movies but whatever)

^don't get it confused, zed and bree are still very friendly to each other, as she is addison's best friend and bonzo's girlfriend

addison's baked dessert of choice is muffins, especially fruit muffins

^zed hates the sensation of cooked fruit (we're projecting again) but he eats them anyway to make addison happy

^once addison finds out he doesn't like cooked fruit, she then feels really bad for giving him so many muffins to taste-test and recruits zoey and bonzo instead

zed is greek (at least on his dad's side, due to the "-polis")

zed ends up pursuing a career that does not require more years of school due to his gifted-kid burnout (we all know he has it) being so bad

^addison most likely pursued something in the hospitality industry, became a politician like her mom (but like an actually good one), or became a defense lawyer

^i also feel like addison's the breadwinner of their relationship (not that that matters in the slightest just a thought)

[celestie0]

Ooof, sorry if come across rude or anything negative. Just saw your post ihm ex wife asks and how people were being rude or weirdly jealous. I hoped that my ask about knowing more about ihm ex wife, didn’t come off as being weird or rude person. ( I’m the that mention Lana del Rey)

It Seems at one point she’s going be added into the story? Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s really exciting!

Your whole au is my obsessed anyways apologize if came off ass weird/rude :(

hi love! mm yea, i think your ask did contribute to those feelings, mainly the part where you said you entirely block the ex wife part of the story out of your mind because you can’t imagine him w someone else other than reader

i don’t know, i have actually gotten similar asks for kickoff when i had a couple people tell me they skipped all of the scenes with kai in it bc they didn’t want to read about any other guy other than gojo

thing is, those are just things you don’t have to tell an author. if you do block things out or skip things, that’s fine. but just because you have access to communicate with a fanfic author doesn’t mean you should share those things with them. readers forget that we, fanfic authors, have a much more deeply invested personal interest in these stories as the creators of them, than a reader might have. it’s different from texting your friend “oh i dislike xyz ab this story”…because you’re literally sending those words to the person who put all their hard work n time into writing it lol

i try to put this into perspective, but for the whole kai thing for example: i spent a great deal of time planning those scenes out, spent a great deal of time writing & editing those scenes, n ultimately believe those scenes contribute greatly to the dynamics of the story. for people to straight up tell me they skipped those scenes, it’s odd and upsetting for sure.

i’m also like, what are you accomplishing by telling me that you skipped like half the chapter, or that you entirely dismiss parts of my story?…i have thought about this sooo much in trying to understand why tf i get asks like that, or why people think it’s appropriate to share those things with me, and the conclusion i can think of is that people are trying to subconsciously push me towards writing a story that THEY want by telling me the exact parts of my story that they entirely disregard/will disregard. and that makes me feel so icky, like i’m lowkey being manipulated into people pleasing people just cuz i post stuff for free. same goes for pressuring asks i get about writing more smut. those feel even more gross to me tbh, and it entirely kills my drive to write

i’m already struggling to find motivation to create stories among all the other insanity of things going on in my life. so yea words like that definitely do affect me, esp when it’s not just from one person, which i could probs write off as some internet troll, but from like 15+ different readers saying the same thing over n over n over again. and i KNOW i have so many wonderful readers n i’m endlessly grateful…but i’m starting to feel like chappell roan rn where i’m starting to realize maybe i’m just not cut out for this lmfaooo. it’s strange i’ve like literally seen people d** in real time but stan tumblr is what breaks me 💀💀 this shit is nottttt for the weak bahahah i see why so many authors leave

since i started posting here in january, i’ve dealt w people who would shame me for not posting updates at the time i said i would, i’ve dealt w people who would pressure me for updates, i’ve dealt w people who would pressure me for smut, i’ve dealt with people who have reduced my stories to nothing but smut, i’ve dealt with people who have made death threats against kickoff gojo for having commitment issues, i had a person straight up tell me they were “disappointed in the direction” of all of ch7 of kickoff, i had someone comment “he should’ve done ___ instead. will not be reading this fic anymore”, i’ve dealt w so many people belittle n disregard the whole ihm ex wife plotline. i’ve literally cried over some of these asks/comments, n i’ve felt embarrassed over some of them too. i’m just a person.

and i know i know i know i shouldnt focus on the negative interactions, i should just focus on the positive ones. but yknow how much mental real estate that takes to do? i’d consider myself to be a pretty mentally healthy person to be very honest, but even i have a hard time w doing that lmfao.

and then, to make things worse, i get scared that calling readers out for this kind of stuff will just make people fearful to interact with me in the future. and then im like damn i suck lol

in any case, i accept your apology. it’s not that deep at the end of the day i suppose, and i don’t want you to feel bad about it. there are bigger issues in this world rn than fanfiction on tumblr. also sorry i kinda used your ask to say all of this but i just wanted to share my perspective plus i’m pmsing so i’m emo lol i’m just waiting for my estrogen to rise at this point so i can feel human again n i might end up regretting posting this but anyways thanks xxx

[always-andromeda]

Hello, Meda! Let’s say, hypothetically, for the sake of the argument, I was considering checking out some of Pedro’s roles to start pooooossibly writing for him. What shows/movies would you recommend to a total newbie? 👁️

Eli!! Hey!! 🫶🏻☺️

I’m leaving all my recommendations under the cut since I went on for a stupidly long amount of time lmao.

I would say that it depends on what kind of media you’re in the mood to consume right now!! My good reliable recommendation is always The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent. That one features one of my favorite Pedro boys, Javi Gutierrez. He’s an absolute sweetheart and even though I’m not a massive Nicolas Cage fan, him and Pedro are such an enjoyable duo. It’s one of my go-to comfort films since it’s pretty lighthearted!!

Another good goofy one is The Bubble. Here, he plays Dieter Bravo. An aging, paranoid, somewhat washed up actor who has…so many fucking issues…so many of them. The movie itself isn’t fantastic (in my opinion lmao), it takes place during the earlier days of the pandemic so a lot of the humor it employs is very reminiscent of the time. But it’s still a fun watch, if only for the sake of our favorite trash panda.

In a similar, still somewhat lighthearted vein, I’d recommend Kingsman: The Golden Circle. It’s an action film with plenty of goofs and gaffs. In this one, Pedro plays a classic cowboy, Jack Daniels, also known as “Whiskey.” He’s got the southern charm, the lasso, and ever so slight himbo vibes.

I would say that quintessential Pedro is him as Joel in The Last of Us, Javier Peña in Narcos, and Din Djarin in The Mandalorian. Those are easily some of his most memorable roles in my mind and that’s for good reason!! They’re the parts where I think he really shines as an actor. However, I would highly recommend taking a look over content warnings for both The Last of Us and Narcos since both shows deal with some possibly triggering material if you’re not familiar with either of them!!

Last but not least, my underrated pick: him as Ezra in Prospect. Prospect was one of those films I didn’t think much of at first, but it’s lowkey one of my favorites. Ezra by himself is such a fascinating character but it’s also a great example of how well he bounces off of other actors?? He and Sophie Thatcher play off of each other so well (though I may be a tiny bit biased because I also adore Sophie lol). So if you’re ever in a little bit of a sci-fi mood, I would definitely recommend diving into Prospect!!

Keep in mind, there are so many other roles he’s played. His career spans all the way back to the 90s. Aside from the more well known things he’s been in, there are more indie projects he’s been a part of and little roles that he’s taken on various shows. I very strongly believe that there’s a Pedro boy for everyone and I hope you have fun delving into the insanity!! 💛

[sheeezu]

Hiii Hani :)

I’m not even sure how to phrase my question, or if it’s even a question, maybe it’s more of a need to reassurance.

About 2-3 years ago, at my mental & physical rock bottom where I was literally nearing death as my body was shutting down, I discovered law of assumption and Neville Goddard. And I think at that moment, I grasped at it like it was my lifeline - I didn’t even consider whether it was too good to be true, I was desperate, so I obeyed. I feel like now looking back at it, I’m embarrassed 😭 my dedication to the law saved my life in the most delusional way possible. As a person that didn’t have much to lose and possibly everything to gain, I was in it 100%, and lowkey I was brain dead because of malnutrition so I ate up every single possibility of living my best life on my terms.

I don’t want to go into too much detail because I’m embarrassed as hell. Anyway, what I want to say is that at that time I truly believed everything was possible, that I was in control of everything, everything around me was an extension of me, I’m basically some god and I can bend and create the reality as I please with no limits. Even after I saw the complete opposite happening in 3D, I didn’t even waver, because I knew, or thought, it wasn’t true. Anyway, after like 7-8 months of my daily devoted delusion I got a harsh reality check, and obviously all my faith crumbled lol and I got faced with the truth that I’m just a human with no power I believed I had. The unwavering and uttermost belief in the law of assumption saved my life, but nothing I so wholeheartedly believed I was going to achieve came true.

On the other hand, even after all that I’ve experienced with loa, I still want to believe some subliminals I’ve listened to a few years ago had power to in a way shape my physical reality, but maybe again I’m just deluding myself. There was an instance when my cousin’s sudden brain aneurysm ruptured a few months ago, she was in a coma, and the doctors said she’s going to die or become a vegetable at best. They’ve repeated that multiple times, but it never resonated with me, I knew that wasn’t going to be the case. As of today, my cousin is walking, talking, laughing, being a normal person. She just has memory issues, but I believe it they should pass still. I’m still scared to believe I could’ve “manifested that”, I’m scared of giving myself hope again when it could’ve been just a coincidence.

But, god, I still want to believe shifting is real. Even though, again, it sounds too good to be true. But then it’s crazy that so many people would be lying about it, no? I’m scared of putting my all into believing it just to be disappointed and faced with a reality again, a reality of having no power. I’m scared to even attempt to do it, because I know that if it’s real, it’s not hard, and I have this (once again, maybe delusional) feeling that it wouldn’t be hard for me. Whenever I read about people struggling with shifting for years, it doesn’t resonate with me. I feel sorry for them, but I have this inner feeling that if shifting is real, struggling for years to achieve it wouldn’t be the case for me. But it’s scary how similar it sounds to the delusional me that I was these 2-3 years ago.

I’ve never gotten this off my chest, I obviously can’t tell this to anyone in my life without sounding insane, even though people still wonder what happened these 2-3 years ago that caused me to still be alive. I’m sorry for dumping this all on you, I hope it’s not too heavy and you don’t mind it 😭 if you could have any advice, reassurance, anything that could help me not be afraid to try again, I’d be extremely grateful. I’m scared of missing out, but I’m even more scared of realizing I’ve planted a seed in my brain of a dream that could never become true.

It feels so good to see my name being used, hello-! First of all, imagine we're both having a calm conversation, over tea, you laid out your points and so will i. while loa is an important part of existential identity, it is just the name of a practice. I myself, am not centered around loa since it requires patient, not that loa requires it, the act of performing it can if it's information is misinterpreted. (basically i dont bother), therefore can i speak boldly and pick on "this" or "that" which you did wrong while performing loa? no. Reality's definition is on a blurred line. Tell me anon, what else argument you have which can define existence, what can you bring to the table which doesn't cross over to the "delusional" category? genuine question. isn't the concept of individual's own creation of reality not the most defining one? hence events are unfolding orderly, hence we are awake and alive in this moment, hence it'll keep raining until some logical aspect cancels it out. why do religious' people's prayer work? it's their assumption that whoever hears it has the unquestioned power to fulfil them, just as long as they think they're worthy enough on the receiving end. Isn't a form of manifestations? Everything which we chose to believe, and don't attach the tag of "out of ordinary", "loa", "assuming", "trying", "doing", in order words not making in seem as if our beliefs are being built by ourselves for specific purposes or motives then we'll notice those things ARE ALREADY THERE, like how manifestors affirm "i already have ___" those things already present, sun, mood stars and sky are a form of manifestation in which our belief unfolded in a natural way. I believe shifting is creation of reality, since we have been creating every little moment by ourselves. Therefore there is no "if" or "But" regarding it, reality is created when YOU create it yourself, take it or leave. It's not the "i prayed to the universe to let me-" "Oh! dear subconscious please allow me-!" just pure utter control and power, when you act upon it. My dm are open for you anon, if something is still amiss.

[fnaf-girls-world]

im back. i have a lot i’ll try to update on throughout this month and whatevs. but i’ll give a little umph of it. i got a new number, and he’s so much better. it’s been 5 days and it already feels like it’s doing so good, it took like 5 weeks for that feeling to happen with the last guy. but moving on to todays topic. it’s about like me. my mom thinks i have something wrong with me now because i cried in front of her really bad. it was a whole sob session about idek what i was just crying about everything, my grades, lack of social skills, my personality and appearance and how I think they both suck, and etc. something i realize though is that i hate feeling things, i wanna pretend to feel happy because that keeps me content, having too many emotions at once makes me finally breakdown and i hate having those moments. crying like my life is over in front of someone is the worst for me. cause then i feel like they’ll pity me or always see me as weak, i want them to continue to look at me like i’m how i was before. even though yeah i finally maybe let out a true me but i hate that they know about it now. i wanna be like for real happy, idk even know how to describe it. even my psychology teacher sees something’s off wiht me. she literally asked me if i was okay and she keeps giving me these “r u ok” kind of looks, am i that obvious. can someone tell just by looking at me that my week has been off. one thing i just thought of that really initiated my idea to write this was that i hate being compared to someone. someone smart, pretty and nice? no, not that kind of comparing. when someone like my mom will say “you remind of your dad in that case” or “your personality is like yours dad rn” or “your literally your dad”. like i don’t dislike my dad and nothing is wrong with him it’s just that, her complaining all the time about he’s a bad person (she says i don’t agree) and he’s a manipulator and he’s annoying and gets on her nerves a lot really has me thinking. am i like that to you? your comparing me to someone who you seem to have something against. same thing with my best friend, she had this friend before me who had done her really wrong and both her and her mom always tell me that i remind them of her. like what, i didn’t do anything bad to you. why the hell am i being compared to your horrible ex best friend?? moving on from that tho and going back into my mental issues, i don’t think my mom wants to accept the fact that i most likely have something mentally wrong with me. she denies therapy and says i don’t have a real issue so it probably wouldn’t work and she doesn’t want me being prescribed with meds, but like if will really help me why not?? an update on the things she thinks i have, depression, ADHD and anxiety. she suffers from two out of the three (diagnosed and all) so she sees the similarities between me and her. she’s never really had an insanely traumatic experience either yet she’s prescribed. i just wanna get better. even if that means i could be lowkey a robot on meds but idc, i wanna be everything but sad and worried 24/7. and all the time i feel like i’m constantly in flight or fight like i need to defend myself all the time or i need to run from my problems and i don’t know how to control any of my worries it’s just so stressful. but i have to try yk? ig you’ll never know if you don’t try. well i gotta lock in, gotta do my homework. bye

(5/23/24, 7:33pm)

[aceofwands]

do NOT apologise, I love me some meta analysis of Trek, especially when it's stuff I've never really thought about super deeply, like I'm sure I read all of the A Time To ... novels back when I was a teenager and I have apparently retained nothing from them, cause I can't even remember if it was the duology with Wes in them which I had issues with or a different pair of those novels! (my relationship with the novels is SO hit or miss, there are some I would die for, whose characters or arcs should absolutely be canon, and others that I was like oh good I'm glad your dumb universe got sucked into a black hole and ceased to exist cause your narrative decisions were godawful, so ymmv) so I think whatever happened with Wes in the novel canon (never read many comics) probably also lowkey informs my thoughts about this different version of the future as well

and this all makes perfect sense to me, especially with your reminder that it's only been 10 years, like I honestly am pretty shaky on my timeline of everything post-Nemesis when it comes to the new stuff, and that does put things in a slightly different perspective for me, but also like ....... this is the problem when you explicitly turn the character into a being who now exists outside the spacetime continuum as we know it, where I'm like uh huh sure it probably does take years if not decades for Wes to get over that guilt, but he could literally zip back to 10 mins after he left to talk to his fucking mother once he realised that he wanted to reestablish a fucking relationship with her - which, yeah, don't even get me started on the complete absence of a real and genuine relationship between Beverly and her son, like, honestly, I am THRILLED that Prodigy showed us that he had in fact been in touch, because literally everything they did with her character (and most of the others) in Picard went straight into my mental dumpster fire (literally do not get me started on Jack Crusher-Picard and that whole trash heap)

I also looooooove your point about the Travelers showing up at exactly the perfect moment for Wes, who was in crisis, to not notice all the ways that it was ... eerily similar to Starfleet, yet without the support network of colleagues and shipmates!!! and without having to worry about anything as pesky as the possibility of meeting and falling in love and starting his own family - like, how much do we think the appeal wasn't just, wow you're super special and can learn to manipulate reality beyond anything your friends and family can comprehend, and actually, hey join us and you'll never have to worry about dying for Starfleet like your father did!

like the more I kind of analyse these choices for his character the more I'm like hmmmmmm iiiiinteresting

I also think there's a huge dichotomy I can't reconcile, with Wes, and SO many other characters in new Trek especially, where I'm struggling with the gaping chasm between this universe which explicitly shows us characters facing their shit in therapy, going to counsellors to process the insane trauma they're living through, going so far as to have a therapist on the bridge of the flagship, and yet I'm meant to also accept that those same characters in the same universe aren't dealing with their shit for like a decade plus, according to the new shows, it just doesn't compute for me - but like Wes is honestly the easiest to accept that from because he was whisked away when he was still so fucking young, and he was always very ... idk like you said he was very good at ignoring his internal emotions to do what was expected, and then right when he finally was able to admit this internal conflict he'd kept hidden from everyone around him, instead of having to face the fallout from that and work through it and come to a new understanding with his friends and family as he found a new path that was right for him and they all accepted and supported him in that, he fucked off out of our dimension and never had to deal with any of it :/

and whoops, I really didn't mean to turn this into like five paragraphs of me bitching about the new shows (okay lbr it's mostly Picard, for the record I enjoyed the fuck out of Prodigy, it connecting itself to Picard was my only issue with it, and Wes was one of the few things that had me hmmmmm-ing because of all the aforementioned stuff) but all of your thoughts about him have made me feel a lil better about the path they chose for him, because at least it is internally consistent with where he was as a character in TNG - even if he still felt a lil too much like The Doctor from Doctor Who compared to the kid we knew lmao

@aceofwands sorry for how long this is you asked The Most annoying person on the planet about this subject. godbless.

basically what we see in prodigy is the “happy ending” for wes. he obviously wouldn’t have been happy with a future in starfleet, and even if the accident in first duty hadn’t been the catalyst leading him to quit then he would’ve still been miserable. and maybe he could’ve ignored that issue for longer but starfleet was what everyone else wanted for him, not what he actually wanted. and his mom and all his friends are in starfleet so no matter what he did there would’ve been some awkward disconnect there after he left.

and as much as he “deserved” a happy ending of just being some random guy in the federation living and ordinary life that was never really an option. like you take this 15 year old who gets to work on the bridge of starfleet flagship and gets promoted to a full ensign before even going to the academy and THEN being chosen for the special elite flight team when he was only a sophomore. he was never going to live an ordinary life because everyone always told him he was special and better than that. so of course he said yes when the traveler showed up and asked wesley to join him because he was Special and they’ve been watching him since he was a kid (and oh you have to leave your entire life behind but don’t mind that). especially since that offer came at a very emotionally volatile time, since he just quit starfleet. he’s spent his entire life living by the starfleet rules and ideals and suddenly another organization shows up that can offer that same structure to fill the gaping hole in his life. there wasn’t really a choice!

so then there’s 1) already a disconnect since everyone he knows is in starfleet and he’s Not 2) his departure from starfleet was already very upsetting and shameful and he doesn’t want to relive that and 3) as a traveler he’s very far away from everything he knows and he’s not even really a human anymore and he can’t explain the things he’s seen to the people from his old life. it makes sense why he doesn’t go back. and then as the years go by it gets harder and harder to reconnect because you can’t just show up after being a missing person for 10 years and expect everything to go back to normal. i think there’s a lot of guilt wrapped up in this, where he feels really really bad for not visiting his mom and thinks about her constantly but still. doesn’t go back.

⬆️⬆️⬆️ NOW IGNORE MY THREE PARAGRAPHS JUSTIFYING IT. BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT POOR ME SOB STORY WESLEY HAS IGNORING HIS MOTHER FOR YEARS IS HORRIBLE. this is NOTTTT me making justifications on how he’s right it’s just my analysis of the situation. wesley was literally the only family bev had left and he just disappeared without a word. i could write another whole 5+ paragraph post about the fucked up dysfunctional crusher dynamics and how neither of them reallyyyy talk to each other but it fucking sucks!!! he should not have done that and it doesn’t matter what his excuse is. what my interpretation of the dynamic boils down to is that wesley is in a rut of self pity where he feels Really Really bad about not visiting his mom and that if he feels guilty enough that makes up for everything. and beverly is doing her best to pretend everything is fine and her son is not a missing person who may or may not be dead Please Don’t Mention Him Okay.

in summary. yes wesley not seeing any of his friends or family sucks but that’s kind of the best ending for him. and i think he does actually care about them but feels too guilty to go back.

[ruvviks]

hey (with the intention of making you elaborate further on vitali and viktor relationship with this ask) :)

THANK YOU RENA ILY here is another essay of yours truly i cannot be brief in my oc thoughts as usual but i hope you enjoy <3 also yes i know viktor is not an oc but i didn't have another banner lying around so this will have to do LMFAO

so vitali meets viktor when he's 18 years old, he's just started college and is reunited with jackie who decides to introduce him to vik. important to note that vitali has INSANE authority issues at this point (thank you nadya and matvey x) so naturally he's very much (ง’̀-‘́)ง at viktor at first LMAO but viktor doesn't mind and just lets vitali have his moment <3 he warms up to viktor eventually but it really just takes some time

it helps that vitali starts boxing with jackie, with viktor as their trainer >:) at this point vitali has so much rage inside him ("if you grow up with an angry man in your house there will always be an angry man in your house" and so on) there's moments he'll have to punch a wall to like, calm down again which is something he hates so much about himself so he's hoping to get rid of that by using healthier outlets for his anger. and it works!! though keep this in mind it'll become relevant again in future broker chapters <3 xoxo

during this time, vitali trains every sunday and he gets his ass kicked by jackie severely most of the time but he doesn't mind because it's never been about winning to him. he also grows a lot closer with viktor and at some point opens up about his parents a little bit (a one time thing after which he goes "aight never doing that again!!" but it's enough for viktor to Know what kind of family vitali has) and that helps too

vitali's college years are :) a lot :) i have more detes on that too because i wrote a timeline! but that's an essay for a different ask LMAO but tl;dr he's dealing with so much crap all of the time and he is pretty bad at balancing his life at this point. he never really had to find a good balance before because he did everything together with mikhail, but now mikhail isn't there and vitali has his school life, his social life, his um. dating. life. [gestures vaguely] lot going on there, and he's got a job and he's got training and he's struggling to keep up with everything :( this also means he and viktor don't see each other a lot, usually just that once in the week for training

some important events that happen during vitali's college years: he gets top surgery in year 2 and viktor does it for him :) he doesn't require payment but vitali still pays him anyway (despite literally being the most broke mf in night city at that point in time LMFAO) to show his gratitude. he lowkey comes to regret this in his third year when he has to get surgery on his leg after falling down the stairs :// there was already something wrong with his leg but the fall fucked it up even more so he had to get surgery to put some cyberware in there to keep everything in place (he needs regular checkups for it which is why after the arasaka chapter he has to get surgery again because he missed too many checkups and during the broker chapter he's walking with a cane because of the recovery period) and that was!!! expensive!!!!! but then between his third and fourth year he also gets his facial cyberware done because he just went "fuck it we ball" at some point which is. understandable. and then in year 4 vitali has his epic manic pixie girl breakdown which causes him to cut his hair short :( will be written about in a future broker chapter so i won't elaborate on the detes too much but basically this event causes vitali to be a lot more professional and in control of himself in the future

viktor grows to care a lot about vitali through these years, admiring his drive and ambitions and seeing the similarities between vitali and jackie but also between vitali and himself. from the moment he starts college, vitali is convinced he'll join arasaka and get himself into a powerful position and fundamentally change something about the corporation (mikhail never doubted him, being a little blinded by his love for vitali and also really just believing vitali could do anything he set his mind to, so he only ever encouraged him), and viktor would of course know about vitali's dreams and ambitions, BUT viktor is also a lot older and knows how the world works, and he worries about vitali and sometimes tries to talk some sense into him. he mostly does this by asking guiding questions which trigger vitali to put more thought into the whole situation himself as well and it would have worked had mikhail still been in his life :))) because then he would've seen a good alternative (move in with mikhail like they had planned to and spend the rest of his life with him instead) but since mikhail isn't there. well. to vitali there's not much else anymore </3

this is mostly caused by, once again, stuff happening in his college life. he dated some horrible people and also fucked up big time himself as well which is why he believes people who are nice to him deserve better than him (while simultaneously being scared he'll end up alone) so he's stuck in this weird game of pushing people away and pulling people back in and it's. not going well for him as you can see LMAO plus he really just misses mikhail and is still a little blinded by his grief :( viktor is old enough to know how that kind of shit works so he never takes any of it personally but especially jackie has mixed feelings about it all, because he still feels like vitali is just gonna sell his soul to arasaka for nothing. meanwhile vitali wants to join because he sees no other future for himself and he lowkey hopes he'll be able to reconnect with nadya and matvey when he joins :)) pain soup

so then vitali goes to the two-year arasaka training program / internship thing, idk i haven't very clearly defined this yet but it's basically to make it easier to get a job there and stuff. during this time vitali is just very focused on securing his spot (once again. the balancing is off. vitali your balancing oh my god he can't hear me he's wearing arasaka airpods) so he barely sees jackie and viktor anymore and of course viktor is worried about him but what can you do when you know the kid has severe daddy issues and also you're not his father. yeah. so viktor kept his distance because he didn't want to overstep any boundaries haha xoxo it's fine. they're fine

and then when vitali starts working for arasaka his contact with them becomes even worse :) and then he reunites with mikhail and then he just barely speaks to anyone else for the remaining 2-ish years he works for arasaka because once again!!!! balancing!!!!! off!!!!!!!!!! he feels guilty for how things between him and mikhail went down so he tries to focus on mikhail a lot to make up for their lost time but because of this manages to push others away so the cycle will repeat in the future :)

and of course that happens :) because then vitali is fired and loses his job and everything he worked so hard for. but now he DOES have mikhail. and he still has jackie and vik despite everything. so THAT is when he starts working on balancing out his life better and while he does still feel guilty for pushing his friends away he just tries to focus on fixing it because. well. that's what he does. he fixes things. or at least tries really really hard to despite situations always happening all the time

it's kind of poetic that he ends up becoming a fixer. and i've said this before but i still think it's absolutely insane how he is still so kind and good after everything he went through and he truly cares about the people who work for him and he does everything in his power to make sure others won't have to suffer (like he did)

he also tries to fix things with viktor by offering him a full-time steady and stable job at his office once he like. gets the office. but viktor declines, liking the privacy and solitude his own shop offers. though he does allow vitali to send business his way and eventually ends up working in vitali's office once a week (sometimes more, kinda depends on whether his services are needed or not; the medbay is mainly run by mikhail but mikhail also has many other tasks and also sometimes just stays home LMAO so yeah they. they do need a doc sometimes)

vitali and viktor maintain a very professional relationship these days, occasionally sending business each other's way and sometimes going for a drink. even though vitali is very successful nowadays and a well-established fixer, viktor can't help but still see the scrawny kid that showed up on his doorstep a couple years ago, and still often has to remind himself he is, in fact, not vitali's father

and that brings us to the present :)) viktor is still very much focused on not going into dad mode too much but at the same time does very much see that vitali needs at least Something to hold on to because. well. things aren't peachy for him right now LMFAO to give you an idea for the future: chapter 7 (next chapter) is called "the encounter" so. you know. You Know >:)

meanwhile vitali mostly just feels really bad for going to viktor's shop out of all places after coming face to face with his mother. he's never really given his relationship with viktor too much thought mainly because he just. doesn't want to unpack what's going on there <3 SGJFDHGDJ so yeah and especially now that there's so much other shit going on he really just doesn't wanna go there but. sooner or later he's gonna have to face it :)) haha xoxo :))))

SO YEA i think that sums it up pretty well!! once again clipping through the floorboards because of all of this right now but i'm being very brave and normal about it <333 i could also talk more about matvey probably but. that's also an essay for another ask LMFAO

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

I am. SO. frustrated. that they keep fucking up davekat. like I just wanna go off. just wanna go the fuck off, man, I didn't even ship them that hard at first but god damn I do now and it's pretty much because the epilogues and HS2 have fucked them up so bad and I know they are better than that. let me just.

okay so originally, davekat is built on themes of mutual defensiveness in response to insecurity. when Dave is first introduced, he portrays himself as a cool guy, and gives us the concept of Strider irony. where a normal person might claim to love something shitty as an ironic joke, or maybe the ironic joke masks sincere enjoyment... Strider irony, according to Dave, has a billion more levels of sincerity and insincerity, to the point where you have no idea what the real intent is. in part, this is due to teen pretentiousness... but in some ways this is a reflection of him genuinely finding his Bro unfathomable, and wanting to protect his own genuine thoughts, opinions, and interests from criticism, without actually coming off as insecure. as time goes by, you can watch him and figure out what is sincere and what isn't... he doesn't actually keep that tight of a lid on things, but that's partially because the game allows him more freedom than he usually has. he at least isn't living in his Bro's shadow anymore. some might extrapolate this to mean that he's experiencing more physical and mental security than usual, while others might just say he's coming into his own via this journey, but the fact of the matter is that he felt the need to hide behind this facade in the first place. and the tricky thing with Dave is that it isn't all fake. it's a weird mixture of who he is, who he wants to be, and what he thinks others will respond well to. his development isn't so much discarding the mask, as it is reconciling what it's made of, and incorporating it into his true self as he matures. he accepts it as a piece of him. it's very subtle, and natural, and true to what growing up is really like. I think this is why so many people like Dave and relate to him so much.

for Karkat, insecurity manifests in the form of being hyper critical of everyone around him. to be honest, this also comes from a deep sense of concern for the people around him, and the fact that his friend group is made of a bunch of loose canons who do destructive shit for fun, and people who are easily dragged into that sort of thing. but the thing that keeps Karkat's hyper critical nature from irritating people too much is that he's also super extra critical of himself. he admits it when he's done something wrong... though admittedly often after it's made people angry at him, and he has a good amount of very sincere apologies that he delivers so that they come off as very sincere and actually work in terms of reconciling with people. Karkat's biggest issue is that criticizing your own internal flaws and actually fixing them are two different things. and while Karkat can identify many problems with himself, he's not always the best at making them go away. it takes him a long time to learn how to change himself, because in order to change yourself, you have to accept the flawed parts of yourself and work with them, rather than just trying to push them out of your sight. this is why his anger at his past and future selves is ultimately unhealthy. it keeps him from truly addressing the fact that his current self is just as subject to those same flaws. for example, if he's talking to a past self and a future self, and his future self is condescending to him, and his past self is naive, then his present self is both of those things to his conversation partners. but he's so repulsed by his own negative attributes that he's not really dealing with them. his saving grace is that everyone can see how hard he's trying, and how worried and scared he is. ultimately, Karkat doesn't want to be the reason for screwing everyone over, and that's more concern for others than anyone ever asked for. it gains Karkat a lot of good will, without him necessarily even realizing what he's doing.

what's excellent about davekat is that they come out the gate fully critical of one another... but neither is willing to back down either. somehow, these two insecure idiots trick each other into defending themselves. and it's brilliant, because they get all their critical bullshit out of the way immediately. they don't fear criticism from one another. they already criticize one another all the time, and it's fine. like, their worst complaints about each other are right out there in the open, and how freeing must that be for a couple of guys who worry about other people's opinions of them so much? Dave has nothing to hide and nothing to prove. Karkat defends his own positive qualities. it's good for them. eventually, they just kind of run out of material... and there's something comforting about knowing that they've said every bad thing they can think of about each other, and none of it was a deal breaker. they're still in each other's business constantly. and that's when they start to learn from each other. see, Karkat is really blunt. he wanders into the thick of things, yelling at people and making mistakes all over the place... and Dave is just more cautious than that. his whole cool guy persona is made to keep that kind of raw emotion from leaking out, and to make every mistake seem like he meant to do that. but Karkat makes mistakes all the time. and apologizes all the time. and he comes out okay. Karkat is sincere. but Karkat is also high strung... and Dave isn't. Dave knows how to chill, and he plans things, and he can sit down with people and calmly talk through a plan. get it in simple terms and hash things out without panicking. Karkat often exhausts himself trying to run around and manage everything, and while it can be kind of endearing to see how much he cares... it's not exactly healthy. Dave has more of a level head, beyond just his cool kid persona, and isn't afraid to make people walk things back and take it from the top. and actually, what Dave and Karkat have in common is that they try really hard for the people around them, and feel great concern for the people they love. when the chips are down, they value similar things. and once they've run out of ineffectual ways to badmouth each other, that's what they have left. probably the thing that bugs them the most about each other is how much they actually have in common in terms of priorities. and while I do think that in their relationship, they'll probably always bicker with each other, that's the core foundation. they're caring people who look out for their group and try to help wherever they can. in essence... they're both knights through and through.

and then HS2 fucks it all up. legit why even confuse anything about their relationship? just let them uncontroversially date, keep it lowkey and tasteful, realize the wonderful potential of their friends razzing them about it a little, and write a better story for them to exist in. god damn. like, seriously, just give them more people to actually care about, because Dave and Karkat feel out of character if they aren't constantly in the lives of a plethora of friends who are important to them. look at them in homestuck. look at everything they do best. of course they wouldn't thrive in HS2, none of the cast even likes each other anymore!! Dave and Karkat were basically instrumental in setting up rosemary, which fits so well with all of their characterization its insane. I just want everyone to periodically go back, and reread homestuck, and remember when these characters were good people.

BASED WENDELL COMING IN WITH THEIR ANALYSIS BETTER THAN WHATEVER THE FUCK THE HS2 WRITERS SHIT OUT 

[thelovelyghostwriter]

My HxH ships

Disclaimer: These are my thoughts on my ships to share with my Tumblr friends. If you’re some stranger who disagrees with it and it evokes negative emotions on you, kindly exit. I know the internet has a bunch of trolls/idiots that has a habit of harassing people because the ship is “wrong” or it doesn’t suit them. Well, honestly, I don’t really care if you agree with them because I don’t know you personally? And this is fictional so it’s not something to be taken personally or even seriously. Don’t confuse my personal values with what I like with the ships.

I can’t believe I even need to make a disclaimer on this because a bunch of people don’t know how to be civilized once they are anonymous on a social media platform. I will just block lol; BYEEE.

HxH I love:

Defintion - Actively ships them, willing to make fanfics of them if possible

1. Kurapika x Neon

This ship is so underrated it hurts. They may not be similar in terms of personality and views of the dead: Neon focuses more on the living and the present (that’s why she doesn’t have sympathy for the dead and tells Chrollo her fortunes are for the living), while Kurapika focuses on the past and mourns for the dead (his mourning for his clan). But I think both of them are very similar in terms of loneliness. Neon doesn’t have friends and lacks affections from her father; Kurapika is lonely because all of his clan members are dead.

I know the common barrier is Neon’s hobby for flesh collecting, but I think this difference is what makes it more complicated and interesting for me. Especially when Kurapika has been in many seasons under the Nostrade Family... it makes me wonder what kind of interactions they had since it was all Killua and Gon on-screen.

2. Hisoka x Machi

I actually had always liked Hisoka with Machi together. Hisoka seems to really like her and enjoys her company. Machi may seem irritated by him but I think she’s more of a tsundere? She still decides to patch him after the fight against Chrollo, and their relationship got a bit more complicated after the Hisoka vs Chrollo fight.

3. Tserreidnich x Theta

Okay, I LOVE this ship. This is right out love-hate kind of relationship. It lowkey reminds me of Clarice/Hannibal and I find this ship so fascinating? I don’t see a lot of fanfics of them unfortunately. So Legacy by Alltagsabenteuer is a blessing from heaven because it’s the only TsexTheta tag in AO3.

So far I haven’t found anyone else who loves this ship, so please identify yourself if you do.

I’m starting to think I like those complicated love-hate dynamics....

HxH ships I like:

Definition of like - Actively ships them, may make fanfics of them or not. But doesn’t think of them 24/7.

1. Pokkle x Ponzu

This was like, a ship that never really sailed because Togashi decided to kill them both. I think this ship had potential and I’m hoping they find happiness in the afterlife.

2. Chrollo x Neon

I actually really liked how they vibe together during this one scene (although Chrollo targetted to meet her for her fortune-telling abilities). I am a KuraNeon shipper but I like the idea of Chrollo being a 3rd party because I think it fits so well? Chrollo and Kurapika are enemies and I had always found it fascinating how both of them got entangled with the same woman.  Also, people be like “Neon is 16″ uhhh... Hunterpedia states she’s born in 1982, along with Kurapika and Milluki. She’s the same age as Kurapika and Milluki; and Kurapika is widely accepted as 19 now; and it does tally if you see the Hunter x Hunter timeline (although there has been several discrepancies and dubious canonity when it comes to the Official Hunter x Hunter database and the HxH manga timeline). I’m not sure why people falsely remember Neon as a year younger than Kurapika and use it as a common argument to not support Chrollo/Neon when people have no problems (except for some) when it comes to shipping Kurapika with Chrollo.

So... Chrollo be that Mr. Steal Yo Girl and Kurapika’s posessive reaction to it will be astronomical.

I am also hella gonna support the upcoming #kuroneoweek2021 in May! @kuroneoweek

So you bet there will be more fanfics of KuroNeo from me!

HxH ships I support:

Definition of support: Does not actively ship them, but definitely likes the idea of them

1. Killua x Canary

I love how Canary tries her best for Killua and she does care about him. I realised that Killua seems to have an issue with older women (e.g. Bisky, Elevator girl), but I think for girls who are about his age, he’s okay with them. There is a misconception that he can’t communicate with women well (probably because he has issues with his mother), but I think that’s just for old ladies - Canary is cool with him.

2. Hisoka x Illumi

It drives me nuts how these two have matching outfits. I know that they have a more of a give-and-take transactional relationships rather than purely friends, but this is fab best friendship goals. My friend loves this ship and I absolutely support it.

3. Retz (with either Gon or Killua)

The unreasonable hate on Retz is insane because “she’s ruining KilluGon”. I think it’s really refreshing to see Killua and Gon hang out with another girl their age. You can see that Gon is really sweet towards her. Killua is more suspicious of her for a good reason but he never hated her. Remember that Killua is not used to interacting with people due to his family background. In fact, as @u-named mentioned, Killua and Retz shares similarities in terms of wanting to be free from their family.

4. Alluka x Gon

I would love to see a fanfic where Gon starts to woo Alluka and Killua will be that overprotective brother, knowing that his best friend is a player. Alluka/Nanika healed Gon anyway, so she’s technically his saving angel.

5. Ging x Gon’s unnamed mom

Okay, this is a bit weird cause we don’t know who Gon’s mom is... (and screw that Pregnancy Stone theory, I just think it’s weird how Ging mentioned Gon’s mom in the tape if he never had a mom lmao; is he gonna say “which you don’t have” like ???).

I actually like fanfics that explores Ging’s life before Gon and various interpretations of who Gon’s mom is.

What Lies Beyond by Thatsoneperson is one of the best fanfics I’ve read when it comes to Ging’s life before Gon. The ending was really heartbreaking and I had always loved the “Gon’s mom was from the DC” theory because Yusuke’s ancestral father came from the Demon World and there were hints of Gon’s dark aura throughout CA and Election arc.

Somehow in my headcanon, I had always envisioned Gon’s mom to resemble Usagi from Sailor Moon but with Gon’s hair colour. Gon also has certain personality traits that are very different from Ging and I believe that came from his mother.

6. Meruem x Komugi

One of the most unexpected, beautiful, saddest, semi-canon pairings in the entire series. It highkey reminds me of Beauty and the Beast. It was beautiful how Meruem, a Chimera Ant that was supposed to be destined to rule the world above humans, became gradually attached to a blind human girl.

7. Killua x Machi

This is fucking weird; because of the age gap but I like to think Killua meets her again one day when he grows up, and they had some sort of flirtation because he needs to be on par with Gon when it comes to dating women.

There was actually a cute fic about that called A Series of Pick Up Lines by Yandere Shoujo where Killua was trying to use pick up lines on a woman because he wanted to try it out after knowing that Gon dated women prior and just so happens to bump into Machi.

[kabutoraiger]

ok here’s my review of the coffee show (”would you like a cup of coffee” is the actual title lmao)

when starting it i guess i assumed this would be a slice of life restaurant show in the same vein as midnight diner or 3 star bar where the food/drink is just a jumping off point for the life issues of the patrons.

which... i mean there’s some of that but 1. unfortunately the customers here are not all that distinct (i kept mixing up the regulars or forgetting who they were) and 2. this one really goes all in on the coffee. many, many details about types of coffee. brewing coffee. drinking coffee. and even after the whole show i cannot say i care about that topic any more than i did when it started. coffee is simply not very interesting to me. i drink instant and am content with that.

the main dynamic however WAS interesting to me and if you suffer from the same disorder i do of interpreting relationships between handsome older men and cute younger men in questionable ways you might find it a very compelling experience. it never develops to quite the extent i wanted it to - would’ve liked to know a little more about both of them - and cafe owner-nim has an age appropriate gf perhaps to dissuade such interpretations. but those insanely fond looks he be giving him every episode... ooh baby. inject that into my veins. it’s like crack to me. and when they have their requisite drama couple breakup and they’re both crying about it and then pining when they’re apart oh my goddd. it’s so much.

overall: if you have similar tastes to mine and/or just want smth very lowkey and pleasant to watch you’d probably get some enjoyment out of this. though it brings covid into it at the very end which was a bizarre choice imo. i think people mostly watch slice of life stuff in order to inhabit a reality similar their own but softer & nicer. so i’d rather real world issues like that weren’t involved. but it feels like an unnecessary addition too bc it doesn’t really add any drama that wasn’t already present?? so i dunno. some odd choices were made but i’d still give it a recommendation. subs on viki are kind of not great and hard to follow at times so i’d maybe rec finding the other ones from wetv if you can.

[longinglook]

I’m going to be gone for most of the day so I thought that the best way to use up my last 10 minutes before leaving would be to write a multi paragraph post on what I think about Fighter’s behavior so here we go

(under a read more because this could get very very long)

so. fighter. our confused messy boy we are just starting to understand

i’ve read a lot of tweets/posts/comments of people that don’t understand his behavior or think that his storyline doesn’t make sense which has always left me a bit perplexed because to me everything he does seems justified and coherent to where his mind is at the moment so i’ll try to explain

but first, something about me kfmslkcls 

i identify as lesbian but i have struggled with compulsive heterosexuality all my life, i’ve spent years identifying as bi because the scary part for me was not admitting that i liked girls but admitting that i did not like boys past the occasional crushes on fictional boys and let me tell you: a lot of what fighter does/the way he thinks reminds me so much of how i was and here’s a list of things:

1) he seems a lot more at ease with same sex friends, the only times we see him with hwa you can tell that he’s forcing himself to act a certain way, he knows he’s supposed to do boyfriend things like taking her on dates and kissing but he is not comfortable with it, he tries and fails at it. of course part of the reason is because of his father but not only does he seem uniterested in her, there’s always a sense of uneasiness when he’s with her, like he’s scared of actually having to kiss her. he’s fine with the relationship as long as it’s just texting and hanging out (like a friendship would be) but he seems not to want it to become phisical. since he’s a very confused boy he’s probably blaming all of this on his father forcing him into the relationship, instead of knowing right away that he’s not interested in her

2) thinking whatever he has with tutor is just friendship and teasing: i feel like this is such a common experience for most lgbt+ folks, thinking you just have a deep friendship with someone of the same sex, only to later realize it was actually a crush and you had no idea. ex. liking the casual cuddling and touches and looking for more, paying close attention to all the displays of affection, wanting to always be close and being a little jealous of everyone else that they interact with. I feel like a lot of people go through this thinking it’s just a friendship, especially if it’s with someone of the same sex because they are not even considering the option of it being a crush. that’s why fighter keeps saying that they’re only friends and he’s behaving like a close friend would, he just doesn’t let himself consider the option because it would be way too scary and that leads us to point #3

3) being too scared to say what he wants: he does this A LOT. instead of asking for something, which would mean saying it out loud and admitting it, he just acts. words can be so scary (again making this about me, i have id’d as lesbian for over 2 years now and ive come out to a lot of friends but ive never said the word lesbian out loud because it’s just terrifying to me), and fighter seems to only use them after he has acted to justify whatever dumb shit he has done with an excuse. saying something like “i kissed you because i wanted to” would mean admitting he wants to kiss another man (meaning he’s not straight) and that man is fighter (meaning he has feelings for him). it’s much easier for him to go with the flow  and do first, explain later. and by explaining i mean lying, even to himself because deep down he knows, of couse he knows what’s going on but acknowledging it would have serious implications on his life.

also the way he reacts to tutor asking him if he likes boys is a big indicator of what's going on with him, it's his way of answering, not his way of avoiding the question. he can't say it out loud so he shows it but then he's scared of the consequences and no homos it. and the choice of replaying the question scene while they're making out shows us that fight is tormented by it, he's scared of other people asking him that as well, now that tutor has noticed it more people could as well and that's why he pulls away. 

4) on a similar note, teasing until tutor does something/not wanting to be the one to start it: this is pure fighter behavior, hoping tutor will be the one to start it so he doesn’t have to. i called this gay chicken last week, it’s fighter making everything into a challenge so he can blame it on tutor and say that he was just reacting. we can see how desperate he is for tutor’s attention, how happy he is when he has it and how frustrated he is when he doesn’t. he’s like a child who wants people to pay attention to him but doesn’t know how to ask for it, so they start annoying people. fight knows very well that he could just say hey tutor i’m here, please talk to me but how could he give a realistic reason for it other than because i have a massive crush on you meaning i’m not straight. he knows tutor doesn’t back down from a challenge and he riles him up because he has learned what that will lead them to. it’s like he knows there’s an easier way to get to that, but it’s scary so he just keeps going with his soundproof tesing tacting which so far has worked every time. also in general reacting is a lot easier than acting, again a personal example: if someone asks me if i like girls I’ll say yes right away, but if i have to start the conversation i won’t. (one thing i do a lot is to be like “hey i have something to tell you about myself but you have to guess it”)

5) backtracking/giving mixed signals: again he’s terrified, he knows what he wants but he knows what /wanting it/ implies. sometimes he follows his heart, but then his brain comes back to tell him that, hey, you’re kissing another dude and you’re enjoying it and of course he freaks out and leaves. i would be way more annoyed with him if the show had been portraying tutor as pining and in love, meaning that fighter has been giving him false-ish hopes, but after ep.6 we see that tutor himself still hasn’t admitted to himself that he likes fighter (in bold because i feel like this part is very important and often overlooked) so they are both confused about their feelings. 

i don’t think they are actually confused, they know but they are scared which in my opinion is very realistic of how someone behaves when they thought they were straight and they are not. It’s not about being dumb or being slow, it’s about realizing that once you take that step and acknowledge you’re not straight your life changes. idk how many of you are actually not straight (i assume most just because tumblr) but like…… coming out is so stressful being straight is just so much easier you dont have to do shit i wish that were me

6) his father: i feel like we only grazed the surface of fighter’s daddy issues, but he seems to be a very controlling and inflexible man, meaning that he probably wouldn’t be thrilled at the idea of his son dating another man. we don’t know about fight’s past, and maybe he has already had crushes on men and had to repress them. fighter seems to be used to a pretty luxurious lifestyle, he can’t just fuck off and go against his father because he would lose his support.

so it’s not just admitting things to himself, which can be insanely hard on its own especially if you were brought up in a traditional family, it’s also having to deal with the reactions from everyone around you

I KEEP THINKING ABOUT NEW THINGS TO ADD TO THIS POST SORRY anyway i think fighter has already shown multiple times that he does care for tor, it's just in a very shy and lowkey way because he's scared of giving himself away but he does indeed worry about tor (ex. he notices tor is stressed about his test, he tries to help outat his part time job). it also seems that in times of urgency he's more explicit about ex. offering to pay off his debt when tor was being threatened or saying he's his boyfriend when the gross cafe dude was hitting on him

also can we talk about how heartbreaking and soft fighter can be when he lets down his guard and shows his emotional side ex. telling tor nobody has ever taken care of him like that or the way he looks every time tutor pulls away first... this poor boy is touch starved and he craves affection but he can't ask for it yet. he's going to be a real gem once he can be honest with his feelings

for future episodes i think that tutor and fighter are well on their way to realizing their feelings for each other and there's going to be some development soon, but i dont expect fighter to come out to anyone else in the next few episodes because there's a lot of work to be done still. i just hope they dont pull the /i dont like boys i just like you/ trope because i WILL drop this show. so. fast. please don't ruin this character please let him accept his attraction to men fully

in conclusion. i dont blame fighter for anything he has done so far, he’s scared shitless but knows what’s going on, i trust he will soon be brave enough to start being honest with himself and with tutor

man this did NOT  take 10 minutes to write and i dont have time to proofread

[takaska]

Regarding your recent ask to Wodneswyrn about John Green:

Oh gods okay i am SO glad tho that I'm not the only one who picked up that whole vibe. I'm glad I'm not just insane on my own lil rock alone with the idea.

It's still a bit hot of a take for me to want to present it 100% as my own, but... as soon as I heard the backstory for The Fault in Our Stars, I was like 'dude, why have ya got such a bond with some random fan who is a minor, 'lil sus dude tbh'.

Sure, minors shouldn't inherently be on every adult's "DNI" but really they should be making it a mentor-type role more than a friendship-type thing...

Idk, just wanted to get it off my chest since I finally saw someone with a similar take... thanks for giving me the time to do that 💖

Hey, no worries! I myself was around like, 15/16 when this was mostly happening, so I was Very Skeeved. I have No issues with adult celebs in general, and many Can be respectful to kids! like John Boyega and Chadwick Boseman and Chris Evans being notable for uplifting child fans!

However, intentionally or no, john green was Not One Of Them, and was instead more like... there was an infamous post around that era (iirc, made by an aforementioned teen girl that found it weird he was commenting on her stuff) that referred to him as a "lowkey skeevy uncle none of your girl friends wanted to be around" which was. Accurate for me, at least.

What was especially notable was when people looked at teen girls going "hey hes weirding me out, i have no issues calling that out" and went "well obviously you just hate him because hes a cishet man" rather than... the whole "nerd girls as a resource" comment, enforcing that whole "manic pixie dream girl" thing to any impressionable kids paying attention, and just the general... total tone-deafness of any attempts at criticism against him?

I'm glad I was able to let you know you are not alone in remembering that, and how suspicious it Definitely seemed sometimes

[jacksjoke]

yo! i've been following your tumblr mostly just for cql because aha :^) you know how it is :^) but it's left a void in my chest. i know you rb a lot of content for other shows, so i figured i'd ask you for some recs (and the best places to watch them uwu)!! thanks so much i'd die for u

Hello anon!! I totally get you 💀 I’m gonna assume that you want me to rec BLs, so I’ll tell you only the ones that I’ve liked best and why, where I watched them, and possible trigger warnings as well for you :)

So first up is my favorite: Theory of Love

Who stars in it: Off Jumpol (as Kai) and Gun Atthaphan (as Third), aka OffGun, aka icons and best friends who we stan to this very day

Why I recommend: I adore this show for so many reasons but overall the vibe is just so good dfhkhkhj It references like a trillion rom-coms and I won’t spoil it but there is a literal montage of some classic rom-com scenes done by the main characters that is just so fucking hysterical, I cry every time. There’s also a compilation here of movie posters that they recreated to imitate some classic rom-coms as well, which made me DIE from emotions I tell you what. This show is just so funny and makes fun of itself with characters that you genuinely grow to adore. Kai is a chaotic dumb of ass bisexual and we love him in this house (as infuriating as he can be lmfao). It’s so rewatchable GOD 10/10 would recommend.

Warnings: There is no sexual abuse in the show of any kind, except for one scene that is just a kiss and very mild, so I think you’d be all good there. :)

Where to watch: I watched it on YouTube! Here’s the link to episode one part one

History3: Trapped

Who stars in it: Jake Hsu (plays Shao Fei) and Chris Wu (plays Tang Yi), aka weirdos who can’t stop laughing while filming and being dumb in general and I love that for them and me

Why I recommend: I loved it. The main couple is adorable with so much chemistry and I will be totally honest, they remind me SO MUCH of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. Like on the rewatch I just did of this show, I couldn’t believe the similarities the character Shao Fei has to Wei Wuxian and his counterpart Tang Yi has to Lan Wangji. Like. When I tell you I was shook the house, I mean it. But the side couple is ALSO iconic the house and the CUTEST like if you don’t want to adopt Zhao Zi and also officiate his wedding by the show’s end, I’d be shocked dfhhkghdjkl All in all, it’s such a funny show with very tender, heartfelt moments that are to die for. This show has it all: plot twists, cops falling in love with mobsters and vice versa, a character whose goal in life is to just eat as much good food as possible… amazing.

Warnings: The show has fighting and violence but seeing as you watched The Untamed, I’m assuming you’re okay with it lol There is an instance where one character tries to rape one of the leads by drugging him, so keep an eye out for that, but I think it will be obvious because he starts to pass out and you will know whether you feel you have to skip the scene or not. He isn’t undressed, it isn’t anything remotely graphic, but he is groped by the asshole I won’t name man fuck that guy but that’s all!

Where to watch: I watched it on newasiantv, link to ep1 here

Dark Blue Kiss

Who stars in it: Fluke Gawin Caskey (Mork) and Podd Suphakorn (Sun) aka two of the most gorgeous and sweet dudes alive fdhgldfhgdk AND BL vets, New Thitipoom (Kao) and Tay Tawan (Pete)

First off: dshhgdksj If you haven’t seen Kiss Me Again or Kiss the Series you might be a little confused. Dark Blue Kiss is sort-of-a-continuation-but-not-really of those other two series, and it sort of adds to the experience if you have seen them. If you want to, just watch Kiss Me Again and I think you’ll be okay honestly; it’s just because you might want context of the characters (Pete and Kao, their friends etc.) and their relationships to one another going into Dark Blue Kiss.

Why I recommend: NOW two of the leads, Sun and Mork, have one of The Best relationships in any BL I’ve ever seen because they have real conversations and have real conflict and issues that they work to get through. Rain (Sun’s younger bro and Mork’s bestie) is an absolute delight and their story arc throughout the show is so iconic we just have to stan. I won’t get into Kao and Pete fhhkhdj because I just have Opinions on fucking w characters/relationships for the sake of drama and that’s what I think this series did to them, unnecessarily ahem But otherwise it’s funny and real and again if you dont literally love Mork and Rain and Sun by the end of it did you even watch the same show???

Warnings: There is a brief scene where one character tries to get w another who is like get tf AWAY weirdo lmfao but there is no actual abuse bc they are stopped well in time to avoid it

Where to watch: I watched Dark Blue Kiss on newasiantv as well because the episodes on YouTube tended to not get subbed as quickly as I wanted which you will understand if you watch this lmao. Here is the link to episode one of Kiss Me Again as well as a link to episode one of Kiss the Series if you feel like watchin those two beforehand

Tharntype the Series

Who stars in it: Gulf Kanawut (Type) and Mew Suppasit (Tharn) aka those two guys who you might see do a shit ton of fanservice that I diligently ignore because I hate fanservice lol This show exists in the same universe as another BL that I am reluctant to put on here lol but will get into later on.

Why I recommend: BEFORE YALL FLAY ME ALIVE djkhgldhgfdjhhkjd OKAY LISTEN genuinely, on a very real level, I FULLY understand why a lot of people here refused to watch this show or couldn’t finish it. You’re totally valid and legit I almost stopped after ten minutes because I was like here we go AGAIN. However! I was so drawn in by the acting that I wanted to give it a chance, and I’m SO GLAD that I did. Gulf and Mew, as well as Mild (who plays Techno) and Kaownah (who plays Lhong) and everyone else who acts in this show, is incredible and their chemistry is insane. I would say it’s some of the best chemistry and acting I’ve seen, BL or otherwise. You get angry at the two main characters interchangeably and I truly feel that that makes it real, you know what I mean? There is no oh he’s in the right, fuck that other guy 100% for either of them. They are both real, flawed men who grow so immensely throughout this series where by the end you’re so proud of their development and the love they find for themselves and in each other??? Because it doesn’t feel like we’ll get there, but they DO. And it’s BEAUTIFUL. We’re getting a second season, which to me is always a tad worrisome because I do think it ended very well and if they fuck with everything (cough KaoPete) just to fuck with it and stir the pot I’m gonna be Upset. But for now, it’s amazing and speaks on topics that aren’t ever addressed. It’s an unfortunate reality in BL that the way so many relationships begin is through sketchy-consensual (drunk, coerced) or flat out like non consensual sexual shit, and this show dives into the aftermath of sexual abuse, the mental impact that has on a person, and how damaging it can be if left unattended. I would give it a chance. I really do think it’s a well done series. Oh and Techno is so relatable and the only one with a brain cell in this show half the time jkdfhhdlkj

Warnings: Like I said, this show is not an easy watch at times. Very often, in fact, it can be difficult. There is homophobic language, two of the characters (I dont want to spoil everything) have been raped in the past, one as a child (which is NOT GRAPHICALLY SHOWN, don’t worry) and the other as a teenager/young adult, which is sort of shown but not in too much detail. Another character in present day “does stuff” to another that isn’t totally consensual, more than once (which is probably my biggest problem with the show and the one thing I really can’t excuse because like bro I don’t care how big your crush is, don’t be an asshole, point blank), but every other sexual thing in the show is consensual and very much wanted

Where to watch: Here is episode one on newasiantv if you want to give this a shot :)

He’s Coming to Me

Who stars in it: Singto Prachaya (Mes) and Ohm Pawat (Thun) aka just two adorable boys

Why I recommend: This show definitely has one of the more unique plots among BLs. I won’t spoil it, and as with all of these I recommend going in without looking up plots because like I know for me movie trailers etc just tell me everything and there doesn’t seem to be a point in watching the movie if I know so much beforehand. The main characters are cute together, there are funny moments and moments that make you cry. And it’s a happy ending, which we love to see :)

Warnings: There is a major character death, no blood though, and you will understand in context that it isn’t as bad as it seems right now lol Nothing that isn’t consensual, which is a miracle in these shows. Overall wholesome content. There is like a weird storyline with one of the character’s moms which was Different to say the least dfjhdflhgkjf but it didn’t ruin the show for me or anything

Where to watch: newasiantv seems to be my go-to lmao

3 Will Be Free

Who stars in it: Joss Way-Ar (Neo), Mild Lapassalan (Miw), and Tay Tawan (Shin). If you watch Dark Blue Kiss or any of those before this, you will recognize Tay and Mild as Pete and Sandee (just friends in those shows). Joss is just such a funny, sweet guy and so is Tay Lowkey biased for them and I honestly often favor TayJoss’ chemistry over TayNew, which I think is controversial lmfaoo but it has to be said lol and obviously Mild is a badass actress and talent so having her here is amazing

Why I recommend: So this is the only BL thus far to feature a polyamorous relationship, which is sort of crazy but I’m so happy it’s been done at least once now. The three have such amazing chemistry and you really grow to care for each of them as individuals as well. They’re just really awesome and I adore them and miss them every day fdjghfdglhkjd There’s also a trans actress!! :D

Warnings: There is quite a bit of gun violence bc one of the character’s father’s is a mob boss. Two side characters are killed, one much further into the show so it hurts even MORE, and one of the other side characters therefore to me doesn’t receive the ending they deserve; it was very messy and I think they deserved better. A woman is in an abusive marriage to a man, which sucked and I skipped a lot of it even though it wasn’t necessarily super violent. I just don’t like that stuff ://

Where to watch: Surprise surprise, newasiantv

Until We Meet Again

Who stars in it: Fluke Natouch (Pharm) and Ohm Thitiwat (Dean), Earth Katsamonnat (Intouch) and Nine Noppakao (Korn). Fluke and Earth invented being friends like……they are so fucking cute and they are both actually queer (have been in public relationships with men) which is always so rare to see and really great :)

Why I recommend: Side couple TeamWin is absolutely iconic. I adore them with my whole body so if for nothing else, watch it for them LMAO But for real InKorn is such a cute couple and PharmDean has a very nice relationship too; they talk about consent and have healthy communication which is so refreshing lmao

Warnings: The show does open with a double suicide by gunshot. I won’t say who, but it is in there. The two main characters have flashbacks/PTSD/nightmares (one worse than the other) which you will understand in context if you watch, but it’s definitely worth the watch

Where to watch: This show is currently airing and I watch it on YouTube; here’s the link to episode one part one

Love By Chance

Who stars in it: Perth Tanapon (Ae) and Saint Suppapong (Pete), Mean Phiravich (Tin) and Plan Rathavit (Can). This is the show that is in the same universe as Tharntype, but the actors who play Techno, Tharn, and Type are different actors in this show than from Tharntype. It’s confusing and messy lol

Warning: I’m putting this before the why I like it because I think it’s necessary for this one. I hesitate to even put LBC on here because there is so much of this show that just makes me uncomfortable. When I first watched this show, the second BL I had ever watched, I had no knowledge of BLs, the actors, or really anything to do with any of this world. So, having grown up with film/tv life where every actor is 27 playing 17, it didn’t occur to me that the actor playing 18 would in fact be 17 instead. Perth was I think 17 or possibly 18 while filming (I don’t know exact dates), which includes sexual scenes that I didn’t even feel comfortable watching BEFORE I knew his age, let alone trying to rewatch the series while knowing about it. I am 20, and was 19 last year when I watched this, so it really skeeves me out to watch those kinds of scenes (BL or otherwise) if actors or actresses aren’t at least 18 or 19. It seems weird because I’m 20 and a queer girl, not like a 50 year old pedophile or something like that, but for my own comfort I tend to skip the more explicit stuff. On my first watch, I skipped the Tharntype, TumTar, and Techno storyline because frankly I didn’t care. Going on to watch Tharntype the Series, I was even happier to have skipped so that I didn’t have to go in with a preconceived idea of the characters from having watched LBC. One of the characters in this version of events is raped or coerced into sex; I don’t even know the details because I just couldn’t be bothered to give it a chance. I firmly believe you can watch this show without watching any of their storylines (and skipping over the more sexual stuff, if you feel you have to), which I know sucks to say bc the actors are all good and I like their other work and them as people, but I just couldn’t do it. It is of course up to you.

Why I recommend: Basically I recommend this just for TinCan lmao and on the chance that you do decide to watch Tharntype, it pays at the end to have a knowledge of the LBC characters because again they are in the same universe and it won’t be as cool if you don’t get it right away like WHAT!!! You know haha so yeah There is going to be a season two dropped sometime this year, focused I believe on TinCan, so I’m literally so fucking excited. Dreams are coming true

Where to watch: I found this show on both Dailymotion and newasiantv

Hey again anon it’s been a minute dfhlhghjd I’m sure this is way longer than you thought and probably don’t want HA but I wanted to be as thorough as possible for you and anyone else who might be new here you feel So some shows I didn’t get into that I watched include Great Men Academy, Together With Me, 2Moons and 2Moons2, Love Sick, ’Cause You’re My Boy (aka My Tee), History3: Make Our Days Count, SOTUS the Series, History2: Crossing the Line, (currently airing) Why R U?, and 2gether.

If you get through the ones I talked about above and want me to talk about these other ones, I’ll do that too!! I hope this helps you and others :D ✌️ ✌️

[super-kristuff]

So like, I’ve been thinking about how it has been awhile since I have made a long vent post, but also, I’ve been trying to post less super negative rambling things. Like, I lowkey want to document my life, but I also don’t want that history to only show the negatives.

Anyway, this is the justification I’m making to publish my page long negative review of Armello here. Like, I just played it, and I went to the Steam page to leave a negative review when I realized I didn’t want the results of my criticisms to be centered around whether you should buy the game or not. The game has some really cool elements, and I wanted to ramble to figure out why those elements are all steaming hot garbage when they appear really cool when looked at individually. So anyhow, here goes.

So, backstory, I got Armello in the Humble Bundle Australian Charity event, so immediately, my perspective of the games value is completely independent of its cost. Like, did I spend a dollar on it? Did I buy Hollowknight and get Armello free? It doesn’t really matter. I can’t say whether it is a good purchase because in my mind I didn’t even buy it. I bought a box that it happened to be inside.

Anyway to talk about the game itself, the game starts with this little spiel about internet privacy. It’s not something I typically care about, but since the game brought it up, I thought it would be nice to select the game’s “always offline” mode. This means that none of my characters can level up. (I’ll explain that one in a bit.) It also means that there are TWO gentle glowing red lights to constantly remind me that I am in offline mode. One is to inform me that the multiplayer button on the main menu is deactivated, but the other is kind of just chilling in the corner in case I ever forget? I switched to online mode once I completed my first game, and I was notified that some of the experience I gained was lost to the Ether. Which meant that I was now not so pleasantly introduced to the game’s in game market place for micro transactions and scrolling ad-space for game DLC.

It’s honestly a real shame. I also received Assault Android Cactus from the bundle, and AAC handled collectibles so much better. Playing the game earned you an in-game currency that could be spend on concept art of the game or cheat-codes. It was satisfying because the game was fun. I wanted to see the concept art because I enjoyed the characters. I wanted to unlock cheat-codes because it resulted in wacky things that made things new only after I had spent time making things familiar. Armello has honestly beautiful collectibles. They are the beautiful 3D models used in the game board and characters, and while it is nice to be able to examine them outside the game, it is such a turn off. The mere introduction of an in-game currency makes me feel like the game is exploiting my time. I was interested in unlocking the king’s dice, but Armello uses a random lootbox system. Whereas, I know that every point I earn in AAC is going towards the next cool unlock, I have no such promise in Armello. And you know what is the most wacky thing? This isn’t even what I wanted to write this review about. But the more I write about it, the more I realize how trash this micro-transaction system is. This game is $20 on steam. $20. If the gameplay wasn’t trash, I could see this being a $60 game. If they wanted to make money, they could have charged more. $20 is relatively cheap in terms of games, but you know what? Microtransactions shouldn’t appear in a $5 game. If I pay for a game, it shouldn’t have microtransactions. Microtransactions are designed to make your game worse. Period. There is no application of microtransactions that could not be done in a more enjoyable way without. God. Enough about that.

The game itself is trash. Which is honestly such a shame. It is so beautiful. I felt like I was constantly on the edge of seeing all the pieces click together. In seeing how the game was intended to be played.

Allow me to explain what exactly the game is now that we have reached paragraph 5 of talking about the game. Armello is a game where you control a cute little animal hero token on a board similar to Catan. The king has gone insane and you are tasked with gaining political capital and physical power so that you can usurp the king while he slowly brings the kingdom to ruin. This power is a mixture between dice and card mechanics. There are also slightly different mechanics for day and night, and a magic system which has a dark side with again more mechanics. None of this seems altogether complicated during play. Cards are merely support for the dice, the board/positioning is support for the cards, and dice are combat. This is however, as it appears at first glance, incredibly complicated.

By far, the biggest issue with this system is the many ways randomness is introduced. Combat is random. You can offset this randomness with cards, but cards are also random. You always draw to full, but cards cost either mana or money to use unless you burn them in order to get a certain dice roll. However, if you don’t have the mana, and you don’t want the particular dice roll associated with the card, it means you either need to hold onto a junk card or throw away one of your dice rolls which were the thing we were trying to optimize in the first place.

The cards are just bad. They are not only hardly useful, but they are also poorly written. I once killed my character because it said I would damage all surrounding tiles, but it failed to mention I would also damage the central tile. (Also, because my character died, it stopped casting the spell before it damaged the surrounding tiles.) It was just confusing.

I haven’t even mentioned the camera. It is super zoomed in, and it doesn’t follow what other players are doing. There is a lot of player player interaction, and it is public knowledge. If I move my camera manually, I can watch what they are doing; however, there are just enough weird stealth systems that it is almost impossible to do so.

I don’t like this game. And I’m really upset, because I thought it was going to be pretty cool. It has such a lovely aesthetic. It has dice and cards and cute animal creatures, but it fails to tie its diverse system into a coherent system. It’s possible that I just haven’t spent enough time with this game, but if that is the case then the game has failed in the most important goal of being clear and understandable to the player.

Bah humbug.