#they have not left my head for 3 years
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Drawing r2d2 with shoes is probably one of my favourite things ever
#droid husbands#c3po#droids#r2d2 and c3po#r2d2#droid comic#starwars#starwars comics#they consume my brain#starwars droids#fanart#they have been my special interest for ages like man#they have not left my head for 3 years
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charli xcx's critically-acclaimed album BRAT (2024) is something that can actually be so dan howell-coded
#-if you have phannie brainrot and feel the need to associate everything with dnp in some way 🤪#also hi again gang. was MIA for a few days being an academic victim#(will not be graduating this year despite my best efforts. but it's okay because there's still shipping phan <3)#anyway now back to suffering. trying to salvage what's left of this academic year 🤪🤪#phan#dan and phil#dnp#dan howell#daniel howell#are we using dan or daniel for the tag lmao#also im probably posting this at an awful time but it's been rattling around in my head for a few days so here it is#i wanted to use a screenshot from BIG from the part where he talks about his suicide attempt. but#i am literally not in the right headspace to watch that part rn.. like i cant cope with seeing him saying he tried to kill himself atm#watching the childhood bullying part was hard enough right now so i'll leave it at that 😭
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“Trolls exist!”
“They steal your socks.”
#but only the left ones#what’s with that#anyway#this took me way too long#and sorry the gif quality is ass#but i have had this stuck in my head for literal YEARS#httyd#how to train your dragon#gobber the belch#httyd gobber#trollhunters#trollhunters tales of arcadia#tales of arcadia#toa wizards#3 below#not enrique#not enrique tales of arcadia
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WHUMPTOBER 2022 - DAY 8 - Head Trauma
"Oh! And I forgot one other rule. Accidents, happen.” - Hades, Kingdom Hearts
-NO ROMANCE INCLUDED-
#Whumptober2022#No.8#Head trauma#Twisted Wonderland#Digital Art#blood#injury#whumptober#twst#twst leona#twst jack#Leona Kingscholar#Jack Howl#isa's fanart#insertsomthinawesome#January2023#Eeyyyy#bringing in the new year with my continued efforts to finish this challenge#I'm actually down to only having around 3 left to draw!!#i'm just still super behind with posting SDLIHGLIFHGFDLGIH#working on catching up tho!!!!!#I feel like that quote is probably odd to read out of context#because I'm hearing the voice delivery that is seared into my brain SDFLIHDGLIHFDGDLFGHI#KH how you made so many lines unforgetabble with you unskippable cutscenes (and the amount of times i played you)
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Grips my shirt and tears it apart so that all the buttons go flying and SCREAMS I love Law and Cora so much what the FUCK!!!!
#Shima speaks#SLAMS MY HEAD INTO THE WALL. BREAKING THE PLASTER. LEAVING A HOLE#AGHHH. AGHHFHF HELP#Cora who saw a kid so angry and bitter at the world decided to throw away everything to save him despite the whole WORLD saying he couldn’t#Law who finally realized there’s still hope left in the world and hope left for him and there’s someone willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING#Just to save him. Just to give him a fighting chance. Just to let him be FREE#Law who came to realize how much Cora meant to him and how much love and care Cora had for him. Then losing all that in an INSTANT#The one person he cared about more than anything sacrificed his LIFE for him#And Law spent the next 13 YEARS working to avenge Cora…naming his pirate crew getting tattoos fashioning his Jolly Roger ALL after Cora#TATTOOS!!! HE GOT PERMANENT MARKINGS ON HIS BODY SYMBOLIZING CORA#I’M. GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE AND BLOW UP. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK#Oda writing the most epic revenge quest in history#They mean so much to me I’m GOING to die. Right here and now#Cora giving up everything for Law and Law giving up everything for Cora…THAT’S TRUE LOVE BABEY#No matter what kind of form it comes in that’s TRUE. LOVE. PERIODT#One Piece#Do you think Law still would have gotten tattoos symbolizing Cora if Cora had lived. I wonder about that sometimes.#I feel like he would. I feel like he’d wear them proudly and Cora would be SO embarrassed about it#Law’s not shy about shit like that he’d be super smug about it too#Law: You saved me and gave my life meaning why WOULDN’T I want to permanently mark my body to honor that#Cora: Because it’s embarrassing! Lawwww!!! 😭#Law: Too bad doing it anyway <3#Cora: You know what. Fine. But I’m getting a tattoo that symbolizes YOU#Law: PLEASE???#Cora: WH. WAIT THAT BACKFIRED THAT IS NOT HOW YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO REACT#Cora you NEED to match his freak okay.#I heavily hc Law to be absolutely unhinged over the people he cares about#Like scarily possessive AND obsessive kind of unhinged#He and Cora can have an unhealthy codependent relationship. As a treat <3#Okay shutting up now SORRY I’m just. Unwell. Sighs dramatically
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if any of you actually liked or cared about me just a little you would board the Scostas train. i'm the conductor. its destination is hell but you don't need to dwell on that dude....like just enjoy the ride
#WEEDPOSTING#VERY VERY MUCH SO#I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE CREATED YET ANOTHER SCENARIO IN MY HEAD TO CAUSE ME INSANITY AND DESPAIR AND WHICH MAKES ME GET MORE ANNOYING#BUT FR I'M CURRENTLY QUITE POSSIBLY IN THE WORST MOST DESPERATE AND HAZARDOUS STATE OUT OF ALL MY 30 YEARS WHICH UUHHHH SAYS A LOT#AND I'M BEING LEFT COMPLETELY ALONE IN MY HOME FOR 3 WEEKS WHEREIN I'M UNABLE TO BRUSH MY TEETH; LET ALONE TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER..#BUT THIS RPF SHIT?? THIS TERRIBLE MIDDLE-AGED-DUDE-CONCOCTION? THEE MAGICAL AND MOST SOOTHING BALM FOR MY (PRETTY FUCKING DAMAGED) BRAIN!!!#KETAMINE IV INFUSIONS AND KETAMINE NASAL SPRAY NO LONGER NECESSARY
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I am re purpled and re undercutted but I also had my mom trim my hair and that was. A Mistake. It had a taper from the back to the front, the front was longer back shorter, and she was just supposed to make it not touch my shoulders anymore. She fucked up the taper and its too my chin now and I can just barely put most of it in a ponytail but bits fall out and that's very not ideal for my *food service job*. I also feel like the blueberry kid from the old charlie and the chocolate factory and I Dont like it
#she was half way through and apologizing. if she had fucked up the other side itd been whatever but#i part my haid kinda to the side and like to do a lil flip to the right thats more than the left and she did the right first#if the left was shorter i wouldnt care i would have my bang but thats not what happened#its just hair itll grow back but ough. will it grow back quick please i dont like it#'shave your head' my mom aldrwady doesn't like that i have an undercut and have her do my hair she would NOT do that for me and i dont have#the hand-space coordination to do that. my hand-eye coordination is fine but my hands are p m useless if i cant see#this is why i gave up on learning braids as my new years resolution whenever that was and just chopped my hair shorter#i can do a 3 strand braid on like yarn. as soon as its on my head where i cant see it all falls apart#anyway im just ranting ill be fine to let it grow out i just need to learn how to rangle it until then :[
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a hug shared under the stars and galaxy
#bananart#where ketosota was so happy to see each other at amaco they hugged#i think about that story all the time it never left my head ever since last year#on the final minutes of ketosota day#i just wanted to draw the image i have of them down on paper#im so happy keito and sota found each other#i hope you both will take care and love each other even more <3#hdjdhjsjdks this is so cheesy yeah…..#might delete when the embarrassment kidks in tomorrow hsjdhs oyasumeme
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God, this is fucking crazy
So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.
Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?
I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.
I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.
It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.
So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha
#speculation nation#im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly#i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails#at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school#then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work#simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo#(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot#which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple#but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing#so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.
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read the scratch upd8. little too close to home
#tw vent#in tags at least#when i was reading hs like 3 ish years ago i related a lot to vriska and terezi cause i was in what i think was a really destructive#friendship qpp thing with my best friend online and a boy who liked both of us but mostly her.i was incredibly isolated irl as was my friend#and all my other online friends. i really should have seen that something bad could happen but i didnt and i got into a really deep#depression for like 3 months after but. my dearest friend girl decided to start befriending a 30 yo man and i. like an idiot. followed her#like a lovesick puppy even though all the warning bells were going off. we were in a gc with him that we texted in at all times of the day &#night and we shared selfies and dreams and our daily problems with isolation or hw or whatever. he got more and more creepy and my dearest#friend lashed out at him because she was scared while i sort of stopped talking as much because i was scared but. he still talked to me lots#in dms. he talked shit about the authority figures in our lives and isolated us from our ither online friends he made creepy picrews of me &#my friend getting married and he talked about moving in with us one day. we blocked him but sometimes he still tries to contact me. after it#blew up my friend left me and discord which is probably best and after my depression time i eventually got an irl friend or two but. i never#got over it. he did it to other people too we found out later. he always complimented me on being so sharp and talented and it was nice caus#it was really my first compliment from an adult who wasnt my family and. ig it got to my 14 yo head. anyways. the update made me cry. i had#read that it was bad and knew it would be bad for me specifically cause doc scratch always reminds me of that time in my life but. i didnt#think it would be that bad. i dont blame hs2 creators or anyone else and ig im glad i braved the storm but it was really painful to read#gonna go watch a more light hearted thing now.#if anyone sees this dw ill get over it#anyways. believe the warnings this update is very triggering and you can skip it if you want#glad i have like 5 followers rip
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the urge to be creatively free but EXAMS and COMPETITIONS and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#I HAVE#SO MANY IDEAS#THERES THIS SCENE STUCK IN MY HEAD#WHERE DURIN ASSASSINATES HIS EX IN A CASINO#AND ITS SUCH A PIVOTAL MOMENT FOR HIS CHARACTER BECAUSE HES GIVING INTO HIS CURSE AND HOW HES NOT A GOOD PERSON#THEN THIS MODERN AU OF MY MERPEOPLE#IVE WORKED ON 3 PROFILES SO FAR#3 LEFT#BUT NO TIME#AND AND#THIS ANIMATIC THAT IVE STARTED#ITS NOW IN THE BACK BURNER#WHY IS MID YEAR SO EXHAUSTING IM GONNA CRY#rant post
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#you know this is my third loss within the last few years where grief finds me in the middle of a hyperfixation#and maybe it's an unhealthy coping mechanism but im approaching 3 years of sobriety and my emotions truly arent what they used to be#as you dont rly have that outlet anymore and everything feels so dull so maybe you react more level-headed than before#(or maybe you just cant get the emotions out so you just repress them subconsciously)#but im truly avoiding any media/events that are inherently sad (wanted to watch click (2006) but realised it'll quite literally kill me)#so all there's left is your fixations that have always brought joy but now feel more like a solace than ever before#it's safe it's peaceful it somehow soothes the ugly roots of grief that try to take place in ur heart; stoppin them from developing further#so apologies if i seem all over the place. we laid our nana to rest today and there's only so much a girl can handle
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hmmmmmm.................vent post under tags...... feel free to give advice or dont¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#i think this is an autism related thing#but i genuinely feel like i wasnt made right for the world we live in#like something is just missing from me that ive never seen ppl talk about#and i know this is going to sound entitled and privileged and i KNOW i know i promise and im so lucky i can even be thinking about this but#it feels weird to have the privilege to be scared#this is specifically in regards to working#like having a job. like going to work#i feel like im missing an extremely important part of my brain or my BEING that is capable ot going through the motions of participating#in society. i never felt that switch of wanting to get a job in high school to make money for myself and get that experience#i feel like there's something i MISSED where everyone took a class on how to apply and go to interviews and write resumes and not be scared#like i NEED to be walked through every SINGLE step because i dont know HOW#and i see my peers and the literal entire world around me participating in this atmosphere and i dont know where to start#im fucking twenty three years old and ive only ever been an intern and an assistant#not even a full year of working#i cant drive and i probably wont ever because thats a whole other can of worms#and that means i have to rely on other people to even get to wherever it was i needed to go#i feel like a fucking child because im missing this knowledge that everyone else seems to have#ive tried i really have but none of it seems simple and its all so much and there arent steps to follow#i mean there ARE but its like 1) look up job 2) apply 3) interview 4) yay you're employed#and im talking about each micro step inbetween#what am i missing#and then theres the fucking demand avoidance that slaps me across the face whenever my mom brings it up to me like i KNOW youre being#supportive and encouraging and its not your fault my brain turns off and decides im full of shame bc i cant CONFRONT ANYTHING#jesus christ#manf i know u can see this maybe dont bring it up to mom i can do that on my own maybe#i WANT to help i just want to help at my own pace but unfortunately the world isnt built around individual paces and nothing revolves#around me. i know this#i want to help my mom i want her to never be stressed about money and to retire and never work or help me pay my student loans but i#genuinely feel like theres a switch that never turned on in my head and im being left behind and i genuinely dont know how to. like be alive
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#having a day full of mixed feelings#I suppose this is how life goes#I'm officially done with my Bachelor's degree as of today#obviously I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment and I was excited to be celebrated today#it was a long and difficult road and there were many times where I didn't think I'd live to see it through but I made it#I'm the first person in my family to get this degree and I was really looking forward to having today be my day#I had a really lovely morning and then things kind of waned#there were a few arguments. someone I spent the day with repeatedly made negative comments about something I care about#it felt awful. I know it was intended as more of a playful jab than anything but I directly asked for the comments to stop and they didn't#it especially hurt that it was a fandom thing and the person is so invested in their own fandoms yet they felt it fair to step on mine#even though I've never done that to them#then people kept talking over me and acted like I was wrong for trying to interject to finish my own sentences#also as I said in the last post I was deeply upset by how my family members spoke of my 12 year old cousin#she's just a kid and some of our close family members have such a nasty opinion of her. she's so young and she's had a rough few years#but it seems like no one except my brother and I are willing to give her any grace#I think everyone else has forgotten what it feels like to be a kid and feel as if the world is against you#on a more positive note. I had a decadent slice of chocolate cake. it was heavenly#unfortunately I was really too in my head to fully enjoy it#literally every day for 3 weeks I've been talking about the lunch I planned to have today#I knew exactly what meal and dessert I wanted from the restaurant. it's my absolute fave and isn't available at any other local restaurant#I was totally starving by time we got to the restaurant. we were out all morning and I ate a tiny breakfast in anticipation of this meal#when we got there we found out they removed what I planned to order from the menu. I was devastated.#I know it's stupid but like this was the one part of my day that I've had planned for MONTHS and I've been thinking about it for weeks#we had a 40 minute car ride where I mentioned my excitement for the food no less than 10 times so this crushed me#also I'm just really picky in general and typically restaurants only have one or two things I'm able to eat#I offered to just eat the dessert while everyone else ordered food because they were all really hungry too but they wouldn't allow it#we left the restaurant and I still feel horrible for walking out. if I had known the item was removed we wouldn't have even gone there#it happened so recently though and I feel dumb for not even thinking to check the menu online beforehand#so we went to another restaurant and I barely ate anything and now I have no appetite for dinner and I feel bad for ruining the afternoon#even though it's my day and my celebration and I feel like I'm entitled to a slight amount of unreasonableness
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in a heap of eyrie and estinien feelings don’t mind me
#sick as a dog over them both being soaked in blood both metaphorically and physically#how eyrie saved him on the final steps of faith ;—;#how they could not forsake him ;—; how easy it would be to do that#how much eyrie gave him by choosing life and love and the belief that he could be saved#it means so much to me that after the bloody banquet and the loss of haurchefant and ysalye that there is this chance here to save someone#rotating Estinien as a narrative device and metaphor of a character in my head but that’s for a different time#I’m thinking bout his time away from Ishgard#how much he heard of eyrie in ala mhigo and the far east#how their bow was broken and an axe filled that space#the trails of blood they left behind#me shaking my desk I am no longer normal about them I am staring directly at the parallels of their arcs#sobbing crying and throwing up they should have stayed at shepherd boys but! shit happens!#I promise I didn’t intended for them to have these parallels I just slapped stuff on eyrie and watched to see if it stuck or not#To Be Fair eyrie doesn’t grapple with the same hatred and vengeance that Estinien does#no they get the guilt and shame of it all <3#they get to be Mr Frodo Baggins at the end of return of the king about everything#and that they are old. like 150 years old#ANYWAU good night tristate area I will be back later to be obssessed w my funny lil guy
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update stuff
because friday is my art posting day i've literally been in a conundrum about stuff... like not every commission that comes my way is some big bitch!!! and i kinda built a brand for awhile on posting my big beautiful catgirl on fridays. im slowly working through like. doing this stuff As A Job™ (which is insanely difficult believe me) while still being aware that im on a time limit because i'll be back at school in the fall...
but im almost through my queue! i'll be starting my last wips tomorrow and then probably reopening slots early on in the week! once im through this current queue honestly i'm probably gonna. not do stuff for a week or so as i take care of other stuff (i have a completely different job in ttrpg work, believe it or not).
the next batch of commission slots will be a bit pricier than the last and there'll be fewer, but its moreso because at my current rate its just not tenable! after i open slots again towards the end of this month, i'll probably open them one last time towards the latter half of august and that'll be it for the summer. i might take one or two here and there throughout the proceeding school year, but in all actuality im probably staring down the barrel of the most stressful one i've ever had.
ty to everyone who likes to come and look at my silly little drawings!!! getting to a stage in my life where it actually seems possible to subsist off of my commissions is really heartening, and i owe it to people who reblog and retweet and buy my services ;w;
happy fat girl friday night gay people!!!! im gonna keep drawing big bitches!!!!!!!!
#kakitalk#update post#as much as i enjoy drawing other people's characters its been grating on me for awhile now that i havent had time to draw my own#which i was looking forward to for summer!!! its a lot to go through 9 months of hell in academia#and then to inflict another 3 of intense work upon yourself#also figuring out rates and payment stuff and taxes... self-employment is scary and it makes my head hurt#ive had a few people ask at this point about a patreon??? which im totally open to#but i probably wouldnt be able to really futz around with it again until next year#the hell school which i cannot name because it is infamously litigious likes to work each student to the very literal brink of heart failur#so doing lots of actual Work™ that people pay me for is functionally impossible when im in class#that being said#i'm gonna graduate in like a year or so! i've got four quarters left#so about fall of *next* year i'll be taking my last classes for my bachelors#inbetween now and then i'll be working to do a number of things#INCLUDING setting up a patreon and a shop!#it'll be stuff i workshop in my free time probably but i'll do polls every now and again on stuff people would enjoy buying from me#nota fakename pinup calendar....#anyway these tags are an abyss at this point#happy fat girl friday gay people have a good one!!!!!#long post
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