#they have a new cookie dough one out now? oh my fucking god. oh my GOD

[macroglossus]

the best brownies in the world are for sale in a bakery five minutes from me but they are $4.50 apiece

[2hightocare]

WHAT YOU NEED ✷

Synopsis: Jungkook and you try getting into the Christmas spirit, but you end up getting fucked up against the kitchen counter.

Pairing: Jungkook x f!reader

Genre: established relationship au!

Warnings: smut, size kink, light spanking, squirting, creampie, unprotected sex (don’t b dumb nd wear condom.) fluff, cussing, Jungkook has a dirty mouth. a kms joke, hair pulling and choking

Word count: 2.3k

A/n: let’s not sayyyy.. when i say i was giggling and kicking my feet i am not fucking lying! (Jk had me on a chokehold istg😒) they flagged my shit… um

Is it barely November 1st? Yes.

Are you putting the Christmas tree up already? Fuck yeah.

Jungkook would clown you for your love for Christmas, and honestly, you didn't care because you loved everything about it. The decorations, the new flavored coffee menu’s, the gifts underneath the tree, and the cold. You loved wearing beanies, scarves, and thick hoodies. Something about this holiday takes you back to your childhood—the way you would gather with your siblings and parents in the kitchen, making sugar cookies to put under the tree for Santa.

Were you heartbroken when your parents told you they were Santa? Yes. You felt betrayed after they lied to you for thirteen years of your life. When you shared your story with Jungkook, he burst out laughing, sharing that he found out at age nine after catching his parents in the act, making you want to cry for him.

Now here you both were at 10:40 pm assembling the Christmas tree. Jungkook's mom gifted you both, which is much bigger than yours from last year.

“Oh my fuck—this is too big, baby." Jungkook admires the height of the tree with his hands rested on both sides of his hips. Your excitement rises at how many possible ways you both could decorate it.

"Well, I can tell you hate it,” your boyfriend jokes as his hands wrap around your bare waist from behind. “Your hands are cold,” you flinch. Your hands wrap around his, trying to pass him your warmth.

“And if we decorate it with tiny dicks?” You crack your neck upward to see his reaction. “I mean, go for it, baby."

You swat his chest as he burst into a fit of laughter. “You swear you’re so funny, huh?” You look at him with a serious face, your mouth twitching from trying to hold in the big smile that wants to come out.

Jungkook just shakes his head. “Wanna decorate today with last year's decorations, or we can wait till tomorrow and buy new ones, and instead we can bake Christmas cookies?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you.

Anyone in their right mind would be thinking we’re crazy for already baking Christmas cookies when December is in a whole month. But you both didn’t care.

…

“We should’ve gotten pre-made cookie dough.” Your eyes look around at the marble counter in front of you, filled with all the ingredients your mother-in-law told you to use. “On god.” Jungkook stands beside you. “You know what? Let me call my mom. We need a tutorial, I'm afraid.” You giggle as he pulls out his phone, opening up FaceTime.

The phone rings three times before the camera fills up with your mother-in-law smiling sweetly. "Hi, my babies!” She says first, Your face lights up. “Hi,” you wave a hand to the camera. “Hi mom!”

“You guys look adorable,” she motions to your guys matching pink hello kitty pajamas. “Y/n bought them; I had no choice,” he lied, knowing damn well he wanted to match first. “Sureee.” You rolled your eyes at him.

The call continued as Jungkook's mom gave you guys simple instructions like beating the sugar and butter with a whisk, which Jungkook took over because your hand started to hurt, and gradually adding flour to the mixture, which ended with both of you guys covered in white flour because Jungkook turned the mixer too fast. After wishing your goodbyes, you both slightly shake off the flour, and you put the dough in the refrigerator. Apparently, you have to let it be firm.

“So now we have two hours to wait. I say we fuck.” Jungkook slaps your ass, making you squeal. “You’re horny??” Your hands make their way to his hair, slightly pulling. "Hm, maybe,” he whispers into your mouth, and he gives you a slow, wet kiss. “I’m still sore from earlier." I mumble in between kisses. “Was I too rough?” His rough hands massage your ass. You shrug your shoulders in his embrace.

“Christmas movie, then?” He asks, “I’m so down."

….

“Shit takes like ass,” you say, finishing up the cookie.

Your boyfriend looks around for the long-gone cookie. “I don't know; let’s ask the audience.” He looks around for the invisible camera. “Bitch!” You swat his arm, and he burst out laughing, holding on to his stomach.

“You literally ate that shit up.” His head is thrown back, and the most beautiful laugh roars out of him. “I will kill myself genuinely.” You chuckle while trying another cookie without the frosting you guys tried making from a tutorial on Google.

“The frosting is ass, cause this is a bomb,” you stuff your mouth with the remaining of the cookie humming at the taste. “Am I weird cause I fuck with the frosting?" He dips his pinky nto the bowl where the white frosting is before sucking it off. “Never mind actual shit." His nose scrunches in disgust, and his tongue sticks out, making you giggle.

"No, seriously, why is it so bad?” Jungkook takes a sip of the milk he had served not so long ago. “I have no clue, baby, but the sugar cookie itself slaps." You take your half eaten cookie up to your boyfriend's mouth and say, "Open, ahh." He immediately follows commands and opens before you shove his mouth with the golden cookie. “Mhm,” Jungkook's face scrunches as he bobs his head up and down, savoring the heart-shaped cookie.

“Probably the best cookie I had in a while, not gonna lie,” he states, taking a bite of the gingerman's head.

“Do we have cinnamon?” You make your way to the drawer where you keep all the spices. “ Found it,” you make your way back to the cookie before sprinkling some on your and Jungkook's cookies before taking a huge bite. “Oh my fuck," you moan.

"Oh, my fuck indeed.” Jungkook shoves the remaining cookie into his mouth, moaning at how it melted in his mouth. "Think, I just saw stars.” You say this while he side-eyes you. “Haha no.” He says that before picking you up on the counter, he settles in between your legs.

“Horny still?” You ask again, "Yes, very, I’ll be a gentle promise.” He leaves open-mouth kisses on your neck before slowly sucking.

“No marks.” You moan, your fingers slightly tugging on his hair and making him groan. “Scarf season, princess.” He looks up with a smirk on his face, then continues his actions, sucking and licking your soft spot. You bite your lip, trying to be quiet. Jungkook slowly grinds into your clothed pussy causing you to slip out a throaty moan. “Fuck—“ you throw your head back, your legs caging him closer to where you most need him. “I need you to lose the clothes and fuck me.” Jungkook chuckles at your demanding tone.

“Yeah? Want my cock already?” His hands rub on your thighs. You nod your head, looking down at the imprint of his now-hard cock. You reach for it, but Jungkook slaps your hand away, making you pout. “Patience princess,” Jungkook's hands tug on the band of your pajamas, pulling them down and taking your underwear along with it.

You squeal as your bare ass feels the cold counter top, and your boyfriend laughs before throwing the clothes somewhere on the ground.

Your pussy clenches over nothing, and you go to press your thighs together to relieve some of the tension, only for Jungkook to hold them wide open. He pulls his hard cock out of his pants, giving himself two pumps before slapping it on your wet center. Your gaze fixated on his dick on your pussy, your lips between your teeth moaning slightly when your boyfriend gives it another slap with his dick.

“So wet for me, baby,” he says, giving it another slap. "C'mere," Jungkook's picks you off the counter from your arms, “bend over. ” He orders.

You quickly follow his command, your juices dripping down your legs from how wet you were already. Jungkook spreads open your legs some more before making his way in between them, giving your ass a slap. “Fuck—“ you clench your thighs together as he soothes the red mark he just left. “Fuck, when are you going to let me fuck this ass.” Your boyfriend asks you, giving you another spank, making you squeak.

“Never,” you moan, making him chuckle under his breath. “Worth the try.” He jokes before sinking down into you, both moaning at the feeling. You felt so full. Jungkook is so big, stretching your pussy deliciously. “So big shit," you moan, your cheek pressed against the counter as he fills you up to the hilt. “You can take it, baby,” Jungkook says between gritted teeth. He felt you clenching around him, having him on the verge of coming right there in an instant.

“Always so good for me, baby. Want me to fuck you so good, huh?” He whispers into your ear, and you clench around him, earning you another spank, ripping a loud moan out of you. “Fuck me," you stutter over the pleasure your lower belly is feeling. “That’s what I like to hear, baby,” Jungkook says before pulling his cock out, just leaving the tip in before slamming into you. Your mouth hangs open as he repeats the movements over and over again. “Fuck just like that,” you grip to the edge of the counter, your eyes close immediately, as his rough hands compare to your smooth skin, hold tightly to the sides of your hips, pounding into you from behind.

“This cunt is mine, right?” Jungkook groans, sliding his cock in and out of your walls. You could only reply with a loud moan. But that’s not enough for Jungkook; your boyfriend wraps his hand around your hair, pulling you upward and arching your back in the process. “Use your words, princess.” He orders in your ear, his movements never halting.

"Fuck—your pussy! Only yours,” you spit out whatever words you could make a sentence out of. “Fucking you dumb, huh?” He lets go of your hair and moves his hand around your neck, adorning it like a necklace and applying some pressure. "Mhmm,” you moan, trying to open your eyes but shutting close after Jungkook slams into you again.

The room fills with the wet clapping sounds, groans, and moans that keep spilling out of your guys mouths. Your fingers find your sensitive clit, applying pressure and drawing small circles. "Fuck—I'm gonna come!” Your legs shake beneath Jungkook, and his arm wraps around your waist in case your legs give out on you.

“Yeah baby? Gonna come for me?” He slaps your hand away from your clit replacing it with his. Your back arches against him, and his cock continues hitting your g-spot repeatedly, sending you over the edge.

“Oh fuc—“ Your words are cut short when the pleasure in your belly finally snaps, and Jungkook's fingers furiously move on your pussy, making you scream into your hand. Wetness pools on your feet, dripping down your legs. “Fuck so hot when you squirt,” Jungkook continues fucking you through your orgasm, the overstimulation has you shaking underneath him. “Too much fu-fuck,” you head drops to the counter. You clench, sending Jungkook over the edge.

“Coming,” your boyfriend's head drops to your shoulder, his movements becoming sloppy, springs of cum shooting inside you, moaning at the feeling.

His movements come to a halt, his mind foggy, his cock throbbing when he pulls out, making you whine, feeling empty.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Jungkook mutters under his breath as he sees his cum dripping out of your hole. Without a second thought, he shoves it back in with his index finger. “Aw shit,” you moan at the sensitivity.

He chuckles, kissing your shoulder blade. “You were so good for me, baby.” He leaves open-mouthed kisses all over your back, breathing heavily. You are trying to catch your breath, and your legs feel like jelly, not being able to move from your current position.

“Mhm,” you hum softly, your eyes closing. "Baby, don’t fall asleep on me,” Jungkook smiles at you, picking you up in bridal style, making you to squeal.

"How the fuck can you be so cute after just getting railed?” Your boyfriend moves your hair out of your face as you try to snuggle into his chest. “You play too much,” you mumble.

Jungkook lays you down on the bed before disappearing into your guys bathroom; a couple minutes later, coming out changed and with a warm rag in hand, “here, baby open,” he coos motioning to your legs. You do as he says. He slowly cleans and wipes your center, making you moan from oversensitivity. “Almost done,” he says before giving a last swipe and throwing the rag somewhere in the room.

“Do you want a pill, baby?” He asks against your cheek, to which you nod. He stands up, walking to your side of the closet and getting you something comfy to wear. “Here. Be right back.” Jungkook leaves the clothes next to you and leaves the room.

As you change into your clothes, Jungkook waltz’s in with an ibuprofen and a glass of water on his other hand. “Here,” he says, waiting for you to poke your head out of his hoodie before handing you the small pill.

You swallow the pill without any complaints before dropping down on the bed. “So tired.” Your eyes close before you even hit the pillow, making him chuckle. “Worn you out, huh?” He teases before dropping beside you, pulling the covers over both of you. You immediately cuddle up to his side, feeding off the warmth he radiates. Your leg is over his torso, and your hand is on his chest.

“I love you, princess.” He whispers into your hair, leaving a small kiss on your forehead. “I love you; now let’s go, mimi’s." You kiss his clothed chest, hoping he can still feel the kiss.

[taintedcigs]

OMG LITERALLY LOVED POLAROIDS SO MUCH DUDE 🤭

Also if your taking requests could you maybe write Eddie x fem!Scoops Ahoy Worker!reader

✦ A SCOOP OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS | e. munson x reader ✦

wc: 2k+

pairing: eddie munson x f!reader

warnings: not a lot of warnings tbh, just swearing, jealousy, fluff, like annoyingly fluffy, i hope this isn't cheesy and tiny tiny bit of angst if u RLLY squint

summary: eddie is really enamored with the new scoops ahoy worker, and is jealous of how her and steve get along so well.

authors note: NONNIE PLS EXCUSE HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO WRITE THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY ASKS FOR A LONG TIME!! im so glad u liked polaroids and now i hope u like this as well and hope i did ur request justice <33 this concept was so fun to write!! ITS ABIT CHEESY BUT I LOVE CHEESY SO EXCUSE ME PLS! also lmk if u want more like this or all ur requests and any of ur feedback pls send me an ask abt anything ily all <3

eddie LOOVES ice cream, and most of all, eddie loves going to scoops ahoy with dustin and annoying the shit out of steve.

it's like their weekly routine at this point, getting ice-cream, but also trying all the flavors so they can get free ice-cream, steve and robin always end up yelling at them.

so eddie entered the scoops ahoy shop with a smirk on his face, and the mission of annoying steve, but his smirk is wiped off and he is almost baffled by something, or rather someone.

you.

he is intrigued at the sight of you, standing next to steve, pouting your glossed plump lips at him for something he is saying, and you look so pretty, that it catches him off guard. even with that stupid scoops ahoy hat on top of your hat, eddie thinks you look so fucking good that it's unfair, and he is too dumbfounded to speak.

you laugh at something steve says, and it makes eddie's heart skip a beat. his mind is fuzzy when he's staring at you, he wonders if you're new here, because if someone as angelic as you worked here before, he wouldn't have missed it.

his attention is drawn back to robin, who tries to take his and dustin's order and dustin asks to try his 100th flavor "god, will you take eddie and dustin's order i need to go on a break!" she exclaims shouting your name, groaning. you nod quickly as you wave steve away.

a warm smile is plastered on your face, "welcome to scoops ahoy! what can i get for you, dustin" you point to dustin, guessing the kid steve always talked about must've been him, and then you turn to eddie.

"and, eddie?" you smile, also remembering him from steve's stories, as he told you all about eddie and how he was 'not jealous' that dustin had gotten another older brother, who played the 'same stupid nerd game as dustin'.

"you know my name?" eddie asked, his eyes widening and his mouth dried up. "robin just told our names, you doofus." dustin lightly nudged him, and a blush crept up eddie's cheeks, his first words to you and he already looked like an idiot, great, he thought to himself.

"oh, not only that but that one talks about you two all the time!" you said giggling as you pointed to steve.

"all good things i hope." eddie chuckled and you gave him a warm smile again, nodding. the way your eyes sparkled as you smiled was etched into his brain forever, dustin realized eddie's adoring looks but he kept his mouth shut.

"so, uh... what kind of ice cream would you like today? we have a lot of flavors!" you asked, showing them dozens of ice cream flavors.

"i'll have one scoop of chocolate and one scoop of chocolate chip cookie dough, and same for him, if that's okay." eddie said, smiling at you.

you looked up at him, your smile widening. "coming right up!" you said sweetly, grabbing a cone and getting to work.

as you did so, dustin lightly nudged eddie's shoulder, eddie could barely turn his head around to dustin when all he could do was focus on you. "what?" he asked annoyed.

"dude, you have to ask her out!" dustin exclaimed excitedly and eddie threw him a look as to say 'keep your voice down idiot, she's right there!'

"what?" eddie asked playing dumb and dustin rolled his eyes, "you've been gawking at her ever since we walked in, just ask her out!" dustin encouraged eddie.

but eddie didn't know how he was supposed to do that. he was the 'freak' of hawkins, and you were- oh you were so pretty, so nice and you seemed so kind. he couldn't even manage to get his words out when you were around, let alone ask you out on a date.

"maybe next time, kiddo." he gave dustin's shoulder a squeeze, as eddie watched you laughing at steve's jokes again, and sighed.

he knew you were out of his league and possibly suited better for someone like 'king steve' anyway, but it didn't stop him from returning in a few days.

"eddie, hi!" the way your face instantly lit up and how you remembered his name, made him smile, eddie was putty in your hands with just two interactions.

"one scoop chocolate and one scoop chocolate chip again?" you remembered his name and his order? eddie's heart was about to burst out of his chest, you were giving the poor boy hope with just existing.

he nodded, and you scooped a generous portion of ice cream into a cone. "will that be all?" your tone was so sweet that it was making eddie sick.

"um, yeah." eddie said, feeling a bit flustered. he took the cone and turned to leave, but then he hesitated, dustin's words rang in his mind. he knew he at least had to start more conversations with you.

"hey, um, do you have any recommendations for other flavors?" he asked, his voice was still timid.

you grinned, excitedly. "oh, there are so many! have you tried the mint chocolate chip? it's my personal favorite." when he shook his head no, you immediately grabbed a spoon feeding him the ice cream.

you excitedly waited for his feedback, your eyes were glimmering, "really good." he managed to get out with a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth, making you giggle.

even if eddie wouldn't have liked the flavor, he would pretend that it was his favorite flavor for the rest of his life if it meant he would get to hear your pretty laugh and those dreamy eyes again.

and eddie knew he was obsessed now, he didn't want to be so hooked on you, but you made it easy, so very easy.

and in the next few weeks, eddie started coming to the shop more often, finding excuses to try new flavors and linger around you at all times. and the more he came the more he got comfortable with you, always making small talk, while trying to be funny and charming, but always feeling like he was failing miserably.

but you didn't seem to mind. in fact, him always coming around to see you, and your conversations were the best part of your day, and your job.

you were always laughing the hardest at his jokes, asking him about his day, and even sneaking him extra scoops of ice cream every now and then.

but eddie had one problem.

steve.

he was always there, talking to you, and making you laugh, jealousy was starting to consume him.

he couldn't help the agonizing anxiety inside of him that made him feel like he wasn't good enough for you, especially compared to steve who seemed to be a ladies' man and had a natural charm to him, along with the 'king steve' title that eddie felt he lacked, the only title he had was, 'the freak'.

and eddie couldn't get you out of his head. his head was constantly filled with thoughts of you and the little moments the two of you shared at scoops ahoy.

so when he came to the shop the next day, he had one thing on his mind. he had to at least try his chances, and ask you out.

"hi, honey." he greeted you, the nickname was something you felt so comfortable with, and it made you feel so giddy inside.

"hi, eds." he loved the nicknames you gave him, 'handsome, eds, pretty boy.' he could feel his insides about to burst when you called him any of them.

when the two of you fell into your routine conversations again, eddie felt comfortable, he felt at ease with your presence, and he realized he could really do it, he could actually ask you out.

so when he called out your name in a soft voice, he gathered his courage, clearing his throat.

"i just wanted to ask you if-" but once again, his voice was drowned out by steve, and he sighed his anxiety was starting to bubble over when your shift instantly focused to steve.

"shit- sorry i'm late, again!" steve's voice was irritating him now, and you waved steve off, to say that it was fine.

"you're only late like 5 minutes." you offered him a smile, and as steve gave you a hug to greet you eddie could feel his stomach knotting up.

he tried to stay composed, but he couldn't help his mind getting fuzzy about his insecurities.

when you returned to eddie, you could sense he was off. "sorry handsome, what were you saying?" you asked, as you gave him a sympathetic smile.

but eddie was distant, and even the 'handsome' nickname, wasn't enough to ease his worries "oh, it was nothing important." his voice was timid and he was now lost in his own thoughts.

"is everything okay?" you asked, your voice filled with worry.

"yeah, yeah, you can go back to your thing with steve, i didn't mean to interrupt." he meant for it to sound casual, but it sounded bitter.

you looked at him, furrowing your brows. "what?" and when you saw the way eddie looked at steve, it clicked.

all the times when steve came and interrupted you and eddie's conversation, all the times steve made you laugh, eddie always had the same disappointed look on his face that he did now.

and you actually face-palmed at the realization, and gave him a chuckle, causing eddie's attention to shift to you again as he gave you a puzzled look.

"jesus- eddie, have i ever told you how i started this job?" you asked, and he shook his head.

"we moved into hawkins a few weeks ago, my dad told me i had to find a summer job and then my cousin told me he got this new job at scoop's ahoy, so i thought why not? and i signed up as well." the information was slow to process eddie's brain.

"steve is my cousin, eds." you said, a smug smirk played on your lips, and eddie immediately felt his face grow hot with embarrassment. "oh."

"shit, i didn't know. sorry." he shook his head, glancing down at the floor.

he wanted to laugh at how foolish he had been, worrying about steve this much in the last few weeks.

"it's okay, i mean we do hang out a lot, but that's because he's my favorite cousin, and it's really fun to be able to annoy him 24/7." you giggled and eddie chuckled, nodding.

he felt a surge of relief, but he wanted to slap himself for being jealous over nothing.

when the conversation between the two of you went back to normal eddie felt comfortable around you again, and he decided to push his plans to asking you out to the next day, his cheeks still blushing at the mention of steve.

so when he says his goodbyes to you, it makes you groan, and eddie tilts his head, confused, as he turns his attention to you.

"are you ever going to ask me out?" you asked, impatiently, and you felt desperate to do so, but you had spent weeks flirting with eddie, and it was driving you crazy now.

eddie blinked slowly, not believing the words that were coming out of your mouth his heart pounding in his chest. "w-what?" he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

you huffed, "i mean i've been flirting with you for weeks, and i thought you weren't interested, but you did nothing." you pouted, and eddie felt like he was going to faint.

"shit, honey." now your heart was pounding out of your chest, the nickname, again, was enough to make you melt.

"fuck, i've been trying to ask you out for weeks, but i thought you weren't interested, especially because i thought you were interested in steve-" you made a gagging sound at that and his mouth turned up into a soft smile.

he felt like he was dreaming, he felt so stupid. "would you wanna go out with me? maybe to that new restaurant that opened up just right down the street?" he asked, intoxicated by your hopeful eyes.

"yes," you replied, without hesitation. "i would love to."

eddie grinned sheepishly at you. "great," he said. "how about tomorrow afternoon?"

you nodded eagerly. "tomorrow afternoon sounds perfect."

"see you then." eddie replied, appearing to be casual and trying to hide the fact that he was screaming internally. and trying to comprehend that he was actually going to go on a date with you.

[olsenmyolsen]

softly dusting crumbs from their cheeks when eating

R doing that to Kate after Kate's demolished the plate of cookies that R baked for her.

Chocolate Chip Cookies!

maroon master list . dark master list . request marvel master list . short n’ sweet master list

Post: Hawkeye / The Marvels (Female Reader X Kate Bishop)

Summary: You and Kate talk while baking.

Word Count: 1.4K

Content: Fluff, Comfort, Feelings

Being the only one on the new team to use the kitchen properly had pros and cons.

Pro: You could make whatever you wanted.

Con: You had to do the dishes after you made your fabulous meals and desserts.

Pro: It made everyone like and appreciate you more!

Con: People then loved to "subtly" drop hints about what they wanted you to make.

Regardless, you still loved to bake and be one with the kitchen, as America Chavez loved to point out!

"Whatcha making?" Kamala asked as she wandered through the kitchen in her pajamas without even looking up from her phone. You glanced up at the sound of her voice before looking at the clock on the microwave, confused. It was 4:13 pm.

Had she crashed at the YA Building??

You tilted your head and continued placing chocolate chip cookie dough balls onto a tray as the oven preheated. "Kamala, did you go to class today?" You asked, knowing how much being the hero of New Jersey affected Kamala's college studies. "Dude, it's Saturday," Kamala said without lifting her eyes from her phone.

You couldn't tell if she was playing a game or texting Bruno about how she needed him to hack into something or other. Either way, you shook your head. "Kamala, it's Friday." You knew precisely what day it was because... Oh man, what was the saying in Germany?

It's Strawberry Week.

Kamla lifted her head. "What?!" She said, eyeing you before looking at her phone. Her mouth dropped open as she scrambled up off the couch. "Oh my god!" She yelled. "I have a paper to turn in!"

And just like that, Kamala was gone.

"Okay." You said to yourself as you removed your gloves and threw them away before moving some dirty dishes into the sink to wash later.

"Oh, cool cookie dough!" The voice of your friend America startled you and made you jump. "Oh fuck!" You yelled as you caught your breath and swung around to view America with her eyes above the remaining cookie dough.

"Can I have?" She only used those three words to ask. You shook your head. "No, America, you'll get sick!" You replied, knowing how America loves to eat.

Dimensional jumping was tiring and made her a bottomless pit.

"Oh, come on, just one lick of the spoon?!" Your friend whined as she followed you to the sink with the bowl of the leftover cookie dough. You sighed. The younger woman would just pester you anyway. "Fine. Just one." You gave her the spoon, and before you could say anything else, she opened a portal and was gone.

You could hear a pin drop.

"That was my favorite wooden spoon..." You whispered as you were now alone in the kitchen. Luckily, the oven had your back and broke you out of your solemn thoughts by beeping to let you know it was now fully heated for cookies. Slowly, you walked over to the tray of cookies and popped them into the oven.

"Okay, we'll check them in about 12 minutes." You said as you spoke to yourself after setting an alarm on your phone and then opening Spotify. Being left alone with your thoughts for too long was hazardous, so why not listen to your favorites while washing some dishes?

About halfway through singing and swaying to a certain pop star's lyrics, you heard the sounds of a golden retriever. You looked up and over in surprise to see Lucky as he barreled towards you. "Pizza Dog!" You shouted with glee as you threw off the soapy gloves and bent down to get kissed attack by the canine after stopping your music.

However, as much as you loved Lucky, you would have to say his owner tops that.

She could top you, too, but that would require being vocal and honest about your crush on Kate Bishop.

So you'll settle for dog kisses.

"Pizza Dog!" Kate exclaimed as she ran into the kitchen from around the corner, dropping her bow and quiver of arrows in the hallway. "Kate, he's fine!" You reassure your friend and fellow teammate as she runs to where you and her pet are on the hardwood floor.

She squats beside you and laughs as Lucky doesn't stop showing you how happy he is to see you.

"Dman, I don't even think I get this much love." You laugh at Kate's claim. "Please, I think he smells the cookie dough on me." Kate makes an "ah" sound and rises up to look at the pile of dishes you were working on. You follow her up.

"Where's your cookie spoon?" Kate asks after seeing it missing. You sighed. "With America. She did her portal thing, so who knows where she and the spoon are." Kate nodded her head and did her best not to let the smile creep on her face.

But she failed as she looked at you.

You and Kate both knew getting sad over a wooden spoon was silly, but seeing how glum you were about it made Kate want to laugh.

Coming from a good place, of course.

"Well, do you need any help?" Kate asked as she went to wash her hands. You shook your head. "No. I got it taken care of." You lifted up your phone. "Thank you, though." You smiled at Kate and averted your eyes before you were caught staring at her striking beauty.

Thank goodness she didn't have any bandages on her face.

Those made you borderline feral.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to be a taste tester," Kate said, bumping shoulders with you after looking you up and down. You started washing your hands and laughed with a slight blush on your cheeks. "Fine by me."

Any reason to be with Kate was good enough for you.

"So, what was your latest mission?" You asked as Pizza Dog went off into another room, and Kate sat at the kitchen bar. Kate looked over your face and smiled as she thought about it. "Stakeout. I was watching some wannabe mafia group. It was boring. I spent most of my time doodling."

"Oh, I have to see those pieces of art!" You said it as a joke, but deep down, you were dead serious. Kate laughed and made a note to show you sometime in the future while she started to play with her fingers. Kate tried to play it cool, but being around you made her nervous. Not because you were scary or anything but because Kate liked you.

Like really liked you!

"So, which cookies did you make today?" Kate said as you finished the dirty dishes and washed your hands. "Chocolate Chip." You replied with a smile back at the archer.

Chocolate Chips weren't Kate's favorite, yet she said: "My favorite!" and lifted her cheeks as you looked happy.

Over the course of the next few minutes, you and Kate talked about anything that came to your mind. Whether it was TikTok trends, gossip about the Old Avengers, or what to do with the upcoming holidays.

Whether you would go with Kate or not to the Barton's farm.

The answer was still in the air as silence surrounded you two until Kate broke it by looking you up and down as you glanced at your phone. "Hey..." Kate started after clearing her throat. You looked towards her. Kate took that as a sign to continue. "So I've been thinking..." Kate's voice wavered as she did her best to be brave. "And I don't know if this is dumb or if I maybe have read it wrong, but..."

You were fully engaged in whatever Kate had to say, but your 12-minute timer for the cookies went off, interrupting Kate. You gave Kate an apologetic smile, who nodded that it was okay as you turned to the oven and pulled out the tray of cookies with your bare hands.

It helped that one of your powers was no pain.

You looked the cookies over and ensured they were baked enough to cool down. When satisfied, you turned off the oven and went back to Kate.

"So you were saying?" You smiled and gave her your full attention. Kate blushed and opened her mouth.

Chocolate Chip cookies ended up being Kate's favorite after that day.

And you couldn't help but laugh at your girlfriend's face as you softly brushed her cheeks after she demolished the plate of cookies you made.

They were for everybody, but after that day, Kate got the first pick for everything.

dividers by @/benkeibear

[memeapple2]

Ordinary sausage starters

"The best way to start is with a dirty pan."

-calmly takes a peice of cake- "I'm actually saving this peice for later." "YEAAAAAA!" -fuckin aggressively puts both hands into cake, without any fear of god-

"Hey everybody it's Mr. Potato sausage!"

"Shouldn't it be Mr. Sausage head?"

"Mr. potato sausage. 🎵 BADADADA TEQUILA!!!🎵"

"Oh you British bastards."

"This is your sausage. You can do what you want with it, but sometimes you don't need to dress them up. All you just gotta do is suck them up!" -Horrible vienna sausage sucking sounds-

"It doesn't smell yet! It doesn't smell yet."

"They love me. They just don't wanna say it on camera."

"It doesn't smell expired. But it does taste expired however!"

"Now the first thing you need for sangria is fruit that's about to go bad! Everybody loves sangria. Especially if you're a woman in her forties!"

"I was up all night thinking about this. Can you shoot mashed potatoes out of a super soaker!?"

"Listen buddy I'm not looking for any trouble." -Shoots at you with a horrible super soaker filled with fucking mashed potatoes-

"HERE WE GO! NOW WE GOT A MEAT SPIN!!"

"It might not all be bad news. Ah, it's all bad news."

"Sausage skull! Sausage skull! Sausage skull!"

"IT TASTES LIKE A NORMAL HARD BOILED EGG!"

"I better think of something good or else I'm back to boiling things in pickel juice."

"HERE IT IS! IT LOOKS STUPID!"

"It's not bad. But it also tastes like a rolled up tortilla."

"But what does the hot diet coke pasta water taste like? That's what I think everyone wants to know."

"Ahhh, the finer things! It may look like you have blood in your urine, but it tastes like hot chocolate!"

"There was probably a better way to do this besides hitting it with a wrench."

"OH MY GOOOOOOOD!!!"

"Are you naked under that sausage costume? Yes!"

"Of course I'm not a scientist. I'm a sausagetist."

"🎵 Feeeed me hash browns! Feeeed me all night loooooong.~🎵"

"I DID CHANGE THE BOX AND WE'RE ALL BETTER FOR IT! ARE YA HAPPY!?"

" 'Waaaaa they cracked the noodles so they're more easy and convenient to cook with. Waaaaaa!' That what YOU SOUND LIKE!"

"Ya know if you like black licorice there's something wrong with you!"

" 'It's the wrong kinda baked beans innit!?' AS IF THAT WAS THE THING THAT WAS HOLDING BACK!!"

"But you forgot the salt and pepper. No I didn't! This sausage is authentically bland! It's called a crisp innit!?"

"One cup of rice, two cups of water with half of it going on the side, AND A HALF A BAG OF SKITTLES!"

"This rice tastes like skittles."

"I'm no longer on board with this spaghetti."

"That looks like it won't kill me."

"Safe to eat raw? Me too, cookie dough!"

"And I told her, ONE MORE PEEP OUTTA YOU AND YOU'RE GOING BACK IN THE HOME!"

"Who do you think is right? Me the guy who's been making sausages for years. Or my mom, the person who calls tiktok clockclock!"

"That's the sausage water.."

"That's what I call an issue I'll have to deal with later!"

"Checking in on the stain. Looks like it's soaking in the table cloth pretty good!"

🎵"A total egg-llipse of the heaaart.~"🎵

"THE WHOLE THINGS UPSETTING I'M GONNA LIE DOW!!!"

[dunkzillla]

Person A and Person B trying to bake a cake from scratch from memory and messing up. I think that would be marvelous with just about any Mox ship.

oh bcc before implosion my beloved! this was fun to write, thank you sarah!

mox/yuta but implies mox/yuta/eddie and also mox/renee!

——————

“I’ll Google the recipe.”

“Nah, I know how to make a cake, Yoots.”

Yuta raises his eyebrows at Mox, who’s pulling flour, butter, sugar and eggs out of their respective homes and dumping them on the counter. It was his idea to bake Eddie a cake, because he feels bad that they’ve not been able to visit him in a while and it was his birthday and he just wanted to do something nice for him. But of course, Mox is going to make this whole thing way more difficult than it should be.

“I mean yeah so do I but I don’t know how much of stuff we need.” Yuta says, and he’s tapping in ‘chocolate cake’ recipe into Google, before Mox is plucking the phone out of his hand and shoving it on top of the kitchen cabinets. Eddie’s kitchen cabinets, which probably haven’t been dusted or cleaned in god knows how long.

“Hey!”

“We don’t need a recipe, babe, I’ve seen Renee do this a bunch of times. It’s all like one to two or one to one ratios.” Mox says, and Yuta stares at him, Mox, with all new bald head and scruffy beard, the toothpick sticking out of his mouth as he chews on it, thinks he’s watched Renee bake a cake enough times to know how to do it by heart.

He holds his hands up, he’ll let Mox do what he wants, and when the cake turns out shit, he’ll take great delight in letting Eddie know that he had absolutely nothing to do with it.

As it turns out, Mox doesn’t know how to make a cake with no recipe.

The first batch is more like a cookie dough because Mox adds way too much flour and as soon as he adds extra eggs it goes all gooey and lumpy. They throw it away and start again, and Mox still doesn’t concede that they need to Google it.

The second batch curdles, but it at least resembles cake batter, and Mox declares it a success and puts it in the oven.

Which, he then pushes Yuta against the counter and makes out with him the whole time, almost missing the timer (that he’d blindly set for like 40 minutes, because apparently that’s how long they take to cook) going off.

The cake is burnt to shit and sets the fire alarm off. It wakes Eddie up from his med induced nap and he shouts “Hey! What the fuck are you doing to my kitchen in there?”

It’s stuck in the tins, and Yuta’s pretty sure that no amount of scrubbing or soaking is going to get the concrete like cake off the sides and bottoms.

“Alright, I give up, we’ll buy him a cake from the store.”

Yuta points to the top of the cupboard, where his phone is still sitting. “You could have just let me Google the recipe. Pretty sure Renee’s recipe is probably online.”

Mox slides his fingers into Yuta’s and pushes him against the counter, kissing him again. “Now where would the fun in that be?” He hums, and Yuta can’t help but laugh against his mouth.

“You’re such an idiot.”

“You love me.”

“Yeah, I do—“

“Hey! What the hell is taking so long with my cake?” Eddie shouts from the living room, and Mox just grins wide.

“Let’s go blow him and distract him while you order something on that phone of yours.”

Yuta doesn’t need to be told twice.

[bucketspammer4life]

☆ WVBA Baking Headcanons ☆

omg WVBA baking together real...imagine this like a bake-off except everyones kitchen is really close & theyre all screaming at each other

Glass Joe

- originally his idea

- trying to extinguish any fires that happen

- accidentally put a fork in the oven

- makes really good cookies

- the best baker here other than piston hondo & bull

- "Aran stop eating the raw dough youre gonna get salmonella"

- "nuh uh"

- accidentally set the sink on fire

- hes basically playing fnaf the way he has to check everything

- the oven's screen broke so he has to check up on the cookies often

Von Kaiser

- keeps accidentally setting things on fire with his horrible baking skills

- "I SET THE COOKIES ON FIRE, MOVE!!"

- has to have a fire extinguisher by his side at all times

- cookies so burnt they qualify as rocks now, kaiser you had one job, ONE JOB.

- has to sob halfway through

- "kaiser are you okay??"

- "ja.." as hes hysterically sobbing

- dont let him go near an oven ever again

Disco Kid

- doing his best, some of the batch came out okay but the rest can be considered hate speech

- "wheres the flour?? Who took the flour??"

- "Maybe the true flour were the friends we made along the way"

- "give me my flour back Aran i gotta fucking bake"

- slipped while holding a tray of cookies, dramatically screamed "NOO!!" like he saw his house get burnt down or something

- he cant live laugh love out of this can he?

King Hippo

- eating the raw dough with Aran

- "This is gourmet dining, aran"

- "youre damn right"

- hes just making raw dough & eating it

- hes pretty sure he can stomach salmonella (he can actually)

- doing everything but baking

Piston Hondo

- look at him go, hes BAKING. HES SLAYING. unlike king hippo

- will smack your hand with the whisk if you try to eat the cookies before they cool down

- chasing Aran with said whisk

- "GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF THE COOKIE DOUGH, SALMONELLA MAN."

- "OKAY FINE"

- doing a decent job actually

- helping disco kid bake a new batch

Great Tiger

- Really good at managing stuff thanks to his clones, ones guarding his cookie dough from Aran, ones checking the oven and the others are checking in on the other boxers

- trying to help kaiser with his hellcookies

- has a seperate tray for cookie dough because he knows Aran is still gonna get to the cookie dough anyways

- "just take this tray of raw cookie dough and get out of my way"

- "hehehehe" Then he runs off like a evil gremlin with the cookie dough while cackling

- his ovens screen also broke

Bear Hugger

- tried to bake but ended up also eating his cookie dough

- had to bake another fresh batch

- added WAYYY too much sugar & butter along with chocolate, at this point they arent even cookies theyre diabetes discs

- baked another fresh batch for his squirrel friend with lots of nuts along with some big ones for the bears

- concerned for Arans stomach

- "are you sure your stomach is gonna handle that well"

- "yeah"

- "alright then" he had to hold Arans hair back while he threw up after that

Don Flamenco

- Decorating his cookies

- stealing piston hondos recipe (hes okay with that dont worry)

- his cookies look really pretty, his baking classes are paying off

- underbaked his cookies because he likes it that way

Aran Ryan

- eating all the raw cookie dough

- oh my fucking god the salmonella is gonna kick his ass (and it did end up kicking his ass)

- got really ill and had to be hospitalized, he has no regrets

- set the oven on fire (intentionally)

- getting bullied into the ground for having salmonella

Soda Popinski

- worst cookies ever

- tried to add soda to his cookies, ended up making a deadly weapon with it

- had to settle for dipping his cookies in soda, it tastes good to him

- his oven smells like soda & chocolate now

Bald Bull

- best cookies ever. Literally husband material

- has to smack peoples hands with a wooden spoon because they keep trying to steal his cookies

- "oh my fucking god, get your hands away from my cookies"

- everyone pretty much loves his cookies

- made some tea along with the cookies

Super Macho Man

- tried to bake his face onto the cookies, they ended up terrifying

- "damn this oven is a hater"

- "no youre just bad at baking"

- tried to put his hand in the oven to test the tempature, had to stop using that hand for a while

Mr Sandman

- Oh god oh fuck oh shit

- THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE

- hondo had to help him put out the fire since he was petrified

- traumatized

- oh no oh god someone help him hes gonna set the oven on fire again

- had to bake with piston hondo since hes awful at baking

[kaz-playz]

Tell a friend to tell a friend, she's baaaack!

~~~~

New York: When was the last time you cried?

California: Uh 15 minutes ago, why??

New York: really? That recent?

California: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

~~~~

Alaska, to Texas: If you see California, give them this message *makes a neutral face*

Alaska: They'll know what it means.

*later*

Texas: oh, and Alaska said to give you a message.

Texas: *makes a neutral face*

California: Oh no. The neutral face of displeasure.

~~~~

Texas/Florida: Hold on! I’m having one of those things... a headache with pictures.

California: What the fuck?

New York: They’re having an idea.

~~~~

California: *walks into the kitchen, ignoring everyone*

Alaska: Hey, California, how was your day?

California: *picks up an onion and bites into it, staring at Alaska* Hell.

Texas, watching this unfold: *whispers* Who hurt you?

~~~~

Illinois: *Takes a sip of milk and gags*

Illinois: Oh my god, is this expired?

Illinois: *Takes another sip of milk*

~~~~

California: Can we go to a haunted house?

New York: What’s wrong with the one we live in?

California: Wh-what?

New York: Goodnight, California.

~~~~

California: There. How do I look?

Alaska: Like a cheap French harlot.

California: French?!

~~~~

California: I’m going to hell.

New York: Probably.

California: I'll pick you up?

New York: *nodding* Carpool.

~~~~

California: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I’m actually bi.

~~~~

(Trick question, they're both the disaster couple.)

Alaska: Ah, yes. Here we have a beautiful couple...

Texas: I really care about your feelings!

California: I really care about YOUR feelings!

Alaska, turning their head: ...and then there's the disaster couple...

New York: YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME INSTEAD OF BEING AT THE HOSPITAL!

Illinois: I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME AT THE HOSPITAL IF YOU STOPPED INSISTING ON FIGHTING EVERYONE WHO COMES WITHIN A FIVE FOOT RADIUS OF YOU!

~~~~

*New York is talking about their past*

New York: I guess it was that day I came home to a cold, empty house, devoid of light and love, and I knew then that my sorrows would only grow.

Texas: New York, this is the saddest life story I have ever heard! And you haven't even covered the teen years!

California: Oh, I'm sure it gets better!

New York: Ha! No, at eleven, things really took a turn for the worst.

~~~~

Alaska: I need life advice.

California, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

~~~~

California: I can't believe you've done this.....

New York: I'm sorry I didn't know-!

California, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

~~~~

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.

Florida: I choose to waive that right!

Florida: *screaming*

~~~~

California: You’d be stupid to lay a hand on me.

Texas: Oh, you’d be surprised how much stupid shit I do.

~~~~

California: New York! This soup is flaccid!

New York: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEAN?!

~~~~

Alaska: How do you do that?

Texas: I'm fearless.

Illinois: I saw you run from bees yesterday. You flailed around and tripped over a chair. It was both hysterical and sad.

Texas: I'm mostly fearless.

[teddybeartoji]

WAAAHHH i'm so glad that you at least don't hate it <33 it's. definitely one of the top three flavours that pop into my head oops but i will feed you a spoon every single time and in return you can feed me some of yours (wink wonk) <33

YOU'RE SO SWEET MICKEY ILYSM !!!! IN RETURN MICKEY YOU HAVE TO TELL ME YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM SO I CAN BUY YOU LOTS AND LOTS !!! omg thought : an icecream exchange would be so fucking cute like imagine going out and choosing two new / unique flavours being like "i thought you might like this one" p.s even if you threw tomatoes at me I would smile because its you.

N OMG YOUR BROWNIES SHOULD BE DONE BY NOW SO I HOPE YOU ENJOY THEM A SHIT TON!!!!! brownies in cupcake form is so fucking smart mickey you're an absolute genius for that and I need to try that next time. that sounds so so so yummy and oh my god i need a proper brownie candle it would be SOOOOOO MMMMMMMMM i can smell it already!!

SCARRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T HATE IT AT ALL HEHEHEHE and yes omfg you do have to feed it to me that's so romantic i love it:33333

I REALLY LIKE SWEET SWEET FLAVORS SOOO STUFF LIKE COOKIES N CREAM ORRRR SALTED CARAMEL OR JUST CARAMEL ORR JUST COOKIE DOUGH i really like it when there are like bits n pieces in the ice cream too hehehe OKAY BUT THAT WOULD BE SOO CUTEEE:(((((((((((( little icecream exchange date hehehhee i love it!!!!!!! you get to sit down and just share bites with each other wahhh that's so fucking lovely scar:((((((((((((((((((( ME AND YOU WHENNNNNNNNN

OH AND THE BROWNIES CAME OUT REALLY REALLY GOOD BTWW:33333333333 they are kind of the only thing i can make anyway lmao BUT YEAH PLEASE DO TRY IT!!!!!!!!!!! i loove love love buying cute little cupcake wrappers or cups or whatever you call them i have little strawberry ones rn they're soo prettyy!!!!!!! anyway i think you should come over and sit on my lap while i feed you one:3333333333

[tricornonthecob]

Ow my legs

LK 110: Warshington Takes Command

(pt1)(pt2)(pt3)(pt4)

awww Sarah is so excited to be doing a journalism with her crush.

Ayyy! Its his pigeon phase!

This frame has such an energy.

Also, he was kindly to pigeons as a street orphan. They kept him company while people shunned him. He is now a pigeon person.

James is so concerned for his pigeon friends. I bet he can mimic their cooing sounds.

I love this interaction I love sibling interactions I love feral little sibling irritating the older sibling energy.

Dudemanbro is as unfazed by casual gunshot sounds as I now am after having grown up close enough to a base that occasionally tested artillery and would shake our windows, lived in Richmond for seven years, and then lived in a neighborhood with one person who really likes fireworks.

The beagle/great dane puppy is so excited.

Calm down, Lydia Bennet.

womp womp everyone's injured because war were declared.

And she would know what a good one looks like!

Damn James laid into them alot more than what I expected him to.

Fuckin' Yikes. Destroys the evidence.

...You know I don't think it was a brave thing so much as a hare-brained, coke-nosed thing, go on though, there's a but in that sentence.

Is this Moses' extremely diplomatic way of saying Benji Franx was being a dumbass.

Okay but Benji, she's one of your reporters, too, and why does the girl always have to be the eye-rolling mom friend keeping the boys of the trio in line. What if its the blonde boy with main character energy that's actually supposed to be the mom friend??? He'd make a great mom friend when he isn't having ADHD teenager brain!

I do like the visual of James going to Franklin, excited as hell and overwhelmed that his chosen Role Model supports his Interests, and excitedly chattering/brainstorming about his idea to use homing pigeons. It was probably adorable and I wish it was shown. In this house we stan Empathetic James and Excitable James.

Quick someone get Lydia Bennet Sarah over here, she's missing the Army Sandwich.

Wow this Keebler Elf really stands out. He must have been rejected by his clan for being so tall wait isn't this Aaron Carter's character

Butterfliiiiiint he must have been too clumsy with the cookie dough in Keeblerville or wherever the fuck their tree is.

Why was it loaded, Elfo???

I'm very sorry, animation department, but what the hell.

...This is a reference to some boomer shit, isn't it. I know they make a scooby-doo reference somewhere.

Talking mad smack for the New England version of West Virginia. What secrets is Connecticut hiding in its forests, that it so jealously guards them from Pennsylvania???? Is it the location of the Keebler Elf tree.

Colonial Walgreens Manager.

Sarrrrrge you weren't supposed to tell anyone my occupation GOSH

Why is this guy so ominous.

Oh my god Striker? Even his name is edgelord.

That is the correct answer, Henri!

[goodluckclove]

i browned some butter today to make a batch of cookies; it smelled like walnuts and caramel and i thought to myself "clove from tumblr would be proud of me right now" so thanks for singlehandedly making me a food enjoyer via songbird elegies. (((and the cookies turned out pretty good overall too. toffee chocolate chip)))

i'm gonna work on a food-focused WIP i started months ago. it's another one of those little hurt/BIG comfort stories and i forgot how happy it makes me. just wanted to let you know you've been a great influence. i hope you're doing well. :)

( also i just realized we both have herb names ! basil and clove . that's so fun )

Oh my god I can't believe the influence I'm having on The Youth. I'm convincing people to enjoy yummy treats.

Crazy coincidence that you did this, because I just finished putting a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies in myself. I have a secret though that you might be interested in for your future cookie endeavors.

The fat you put in your cookies makes a huge difference in the texture. You used butter - browned butter (fucking great choice) - which is why your cookies will likely have a nice crispiness to go along with the caramelized depth of flavor. But next time you might want to consider shortening instead of butter, which will result in nice dense cookies with a soft, cake-like texture.

Or you can do what I like to do when I have the time, which is half shortening and half butter. I got this trick from a vintage cookbook and if you can remember to soften butter beforehand (or beat a harder stick with a baking spoon, that works), and it really makes a difference. Best of both worlds, crisp edges and a softer middle. You bite in, especially right as they cooled down enough to hold their shape but still be hot, and it's like eating the concept of a cookie at it's purest form. Just a perfect blend of crunch and soft dough - and, in my case, gooey chocolate.

Yum yum. Corrupt the youth by getting them into baking and cooking. Let's party.

Also I'm so psyched to hear more about your new story!

[sombersafari]

Goody Nay Weryyyy

Dot: yall I have newsyy!!!

Yakko: ooh goody what is it?

Dot: i pwomised that i wouldn't tell you but im not so goody nay weryyyy!

Wakko: but dot, you always get us goody stuff in your updates. don't keep lying like a fucking liar

Yakko: oh god here comes the crying. ive been waiting for this

Wakko: aw shucks! that's so sweet of her!

Dot: oopsies! I forgot!! okay listen up! *claps to quietness* ok first off, i found a milk carton full of pineapples.

Wakko: yeehaw!!! that’s faboo!!!

Yakko: that doesn't count as news yknow

Dot: yes it does. *takes back milkbox* anyways, i put some cinnamon in the chocolate too

Wakko: why would you do that?

Dot: because it's my secret recipe for cookies and its also delicious and i love cinnamon

Yakko: ok... i guess thats pretty good?

Wakko: oh no wait you’re just being mean because we didn't get you any chocolate.

Yakko: yeah yeah whatever go back to eating all the cookie dough. i think you’re confusing love for cookies with friendship Imao

Dot: well whatever, at least i got a good one out of this whole fiasco

Wakko: you should still be grateful that you got cinnamon. you know those pineapples are only made by trees right? if it was made by humans, they'd taste gross

Dot: i can live with that!

Yakko: so what else did you find?

Dot: oh! and i also found some honey!! it’s sweet and really good! i couldn’t resist!!!! *claps*

Wakko: ughhhhhhh why did you have to be so nice??? i am going on a sugar high right now. i feel like i should eat everything in sight.

Yakko: now i know where this is going!

Dot: whaT NO! *putting down milkbox* you can’t take all my goods! i bought them fair and square!

Yakko: but i can’t just leave you defenseless!

Dot: *screaming* oh my god i just thought you were joking.

Wakko: haha sorry mate i’m not. *grabs honey*

Yakko: i will personally hunt you down and drag you through the trash and make you regret ever saying anything about these things.

Dot: oh shit i hope not then. i swear i will find you.

[satoruzlove]

- festive season hcs

with a little twist;)

suna rin , kuroo tetsurou , atsumu miya, osamu miya , sakusa kiyoomi

! lots n lots of fluff, mentions of food / eating , curse words ,i think i said the word assault, probably time skip spoilers,spoilers as to whether santa is real or not, alcohol mention in both the miyas’ part!

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

r suna !

• honestly just does what u’d wanna do cus he isn’t suuuper into decorating or anything

•if ur like that too then your christmas is rly mellow. u guys put up the christmas tree and get eachother gifts, play in some snow n take cute pics but that’s pretty much it

•lots of christmas movie cuddles though ,, sees it as an opportunity to just be close with u

• he would want a fire place hang out session. u guys find every single pillow in the house n pile it in front of the flame ( safe distance . dw ) and make some hot coco. at first you guys are just in silence, then rin may start a conversation by saying something about how “ y,know, my sister would’ve loved this kinda thing, ‘wanna visit her soon,”

•honestly only holds it dear to him because he loved watching his sister grow up and open presents with a look of pure joy on her face </3

• EXCELLENT GIFT GIVER. ALSO GOOD AT HIDING THEM

•gets u guys matching scratchy sweaters n urs has a little kitty w a santa hat on it

•his has a tree and a biiiiig star on the top with a smiley face on it

•if u suggest , he’d have a BALL making cookies w u . there’s flour everywhere, he’s flung the dough at u in little balls , he’s licking his lips to make sugar stick to it and then kissing you all over

• eventually when they’re made he eats them and then proceeds to look at u in the eye and say they taste like the sound of ur laughter cus u guys were having fun while making them

•keeps eating but then realises how fucking cheesy that was n looks at u, n ur just like 😦

•never ever lives it down

•his ig highlight of u has like +50 new pics of u guys making cookies, waiting for them to bake n then him eating them

•you had to slap him like three times to make sure he didn’t eat the dough

• “ idc about solomon or whatever is in the eggs, life is short”

•he doesn’t get ‘solomon’ thankfully

•the night before you come home from work to see this unreasonably large pile of gifts under the tree that wasn’t there when u left

•n of course u still had urs hidden cus rin is annoying and would open them if he so much as smelt the wrapping paper

•so he comes n finds u and goes “ before you say anything, i know i can’t wrap for shit “ and ur like??? but when u look closer you see it.

•the paper is crumpled beyond your wildest dreams, theres rips covered up with tape and a lot of tiny bows to cover the rest that were a little too big

•honestly , a for effort

• you guys go to sleep in the ugly sweaters and when you wake up rin isn’t there anymore

•you go downstairs n he’s doing smth in the kitchen

•you sneak up behind him and he’s making those cute santa head pancakes with the banana beard

•they were so good

•b4 u open gifts he stops u n he’s like i wanna give u one myself first

•n it’s this tiiiny little box. fits in ur palm

•u open it and there’s a fucking zip tie on it so u struggle for like five minutes b4 getting scissors to cut it

•and u open it up, and it’s a gorgeous little ring

•with sapphire ( to match his eyes, he later explains ) in the middle

• you inspect it and you see “ because we are my favorite gift i’ve ever received “ scrawled beautifully into the metal of the band

•he smiles at the stupid look on ur face and goes “ i know marriage isn’t a thing we want right now, so a promise ring is the next best thing.”

•he has a matching one with a stone that holds your eye colour too

•told u he was good at gifts 🤷🏽‍♀️.

t kuroo !

•oh my god

•the tree is up in mid november and he’s already humming along to christmas music as he’s making lunch for u

•BEGGED U to paint little christmas trees or bobbles ( what do u guys call them, ornaments, i have no idea ) on his nails- will tell everyone at the office about how , “ my baby did them for me, aren’t they so festive ?”

•if you tell him it’s early he’ll scoff directly at u and go “ it’s never to early to be festive , you little grinch incarnate”

•you don’t miss the way he smiles at u lovingly when ur whistle along to his corny , crappy christmas music

•cue kuroo attempting to hit a mariah carey high note in ‘ all i want for christmas is you ‘ and bowing when he’s done like he didn’t just assault your ears

•you clap anyway cus he looks proud

•buys peppermint sticks n sucks on them randomly and will stick them in ur face. his speech is slurred with spit and by the candy as he says ,” bite “ but he TRICKS U and keeps it in his mouth so u can kiss him

•buys u corny matching christmas shirts with the shittily printed words on them

• FORCES u to wear them too

•he has these rly cute reindeer sockies and he slides around on the hard wood floors when he hears ,” it’s a holly , jolly christmas !” come from the radio, he almost fell directly onto his ass. he says he saw his life flash before his eyes

•when christmas eve rolls around you guys leave out milk n ( shop bought ) cookies for santa . u pretend that u didn’t notice him out of ur arms at 3am, n that u didn’t hear him almost drop the cup trying to wash it

•when u wake up he’s STARING at u like the fucking weirdo he is and he’s like gm bae and ur like bro fuck off holy shit

•you guys brush ur teeth, shower ( he didn’t wanna ) and go down

•you both left the presents there beforehand but he’s still so excited lol

•you’re opening up a present with some clothes folded and you feel smth hard

•it was a round box of reddish velvet

•you glance at him with a raised brow and he takes it from u, asking u to stand up. u obviously tell him to piss off but he eventually convinces u to stand

•he’s now on one knee and ur like ??? TETSUROU

•he opens the box n it’s a pretty simple silver band with a diamond in the middle

• he takes in the way ur eyes well up and ur lip wobbles, eyes searching his to make sure this isn’t a joke. he assures u it isnt.

• “ but tetsu -“

“ i wanna spend my life with you, baby,” his voice lowers to a whisper,” if you’ll have me, god i’d love if you’d have me. i’m already so blessed to be with you, i can’t imagine what it’d feel like to have you forever.”

• I WILL NOT FUCKING CRY

• you accept OBVIOUSLY

•you spend the rest of the day toying around with y’all’s gifts n making phone calls to his dad, grand parents, your parents and friends about the proposal

• “ damn, u fr stuck with him now ” - kozume , 2022 ( or whenever idc leave me alone )

•yalls fav christmas. he has a polaroid in his phone case from that day, the date messily written in sharpie and a lipstick stamp of your own on the side.

a miya !

•bye

•stop immediately

• “BABY DO YK WHAT DAY IT IS?”

“ ,, thursday ?”

“ITS THE FIRST OF DECEMBER.”!!!3;£&:92;£&:2@!!!!!”

•the entire team knows that atsumu LOVES christmas because who doesn’t like a festive for gifts, good food and movies ? crazy people .

•never lets osamu breathe cus they have christmas dishes at the restaurant and “ as your brother, you gottaaaaa let me try it first .”

•drags u along too but samu doesn’t mind cus ur nice

•comes up to u randomly and goes “ there’s *insert number* days left til christmas, babes, can you BELIEVE IT???!”

•however if the topic sticks too long he starts getting emotional and saying how he’s already spent another year with you, and it still feels like a couple weeks because the relationship is ‘ so timeless’ , how he’s gonna spend the rest of his years with you

•he did cry until u calmed him down lol

•if ur into baking he will FLIP OUT and say how that’s so cool, and he’ll watch u baking. asks “ what’s that for? “ every few minutes n be your personal spoon licker

•lots of huggles by the fire and spilt hot coco

•gets extra clingy bcus it’s cold ):

•rly likes the smell of ginger bread n got u a lotion that’s scented like it so when u wear it he just

•clings to u

•takes out his snowman sleeping mask n wears it religiously even tho he ends up sliding it off in his sleep

•the days approaching christmas are absolutely mad because the malls n shopping centres r PACKED but tsum refuses to stay in the house

•begs u to sit on santa’s lap so he can take pictures and the person playing santa thinks it’s funny n play along

•he now has that picture on the fridge n looks at it for like an hour every day cus you look so cute

•on christmas eve you guys sit down and wrap up gifts for your friends and family, giggling and throwing balls of paper at eachother.

• he looks so proud when he wraps his first one with no mistakes lololol

•he did get a paper cut

• “ baby, i’m injured, kiss my finger ):”

�� no tsumu”

“ can’t believe it’s almost christmas and yer being so mean. where’s the holiday spirit ? yer like the grinch. “

“ what was that last bit ?”

“ nOTHING BABY.”

• on the actual day you guys go to a party at hinata’s and he says he’s got plans for after

•most of the day is spent chatting to his guys, taking cute pictures with bokuto’s girlfriend, nearly throwing up seeing hinata and kags eyeing eachother

•when it’s all over you guys get in the car and you drive bcus tsum had eggnog

•he drowsily reminds you of his plans and tells you where to drive

• he’s gazing at you from behind his lashes as u drive, nodding when he gives u directions

• you end up at this park place with a lake, and it’s so shimmery in the moonlight

•he’s pretty sobered up, so he walks you to a tree with fairy lights on it and you’re a little confused - but happy

• “ baby, y’know why i brought you here?”

“ to fuck? to drown me?”

“ wh- nO YN ARE YOU CRAZY?”

•he urges you to sit and you do, for a moment you guys are quiet . his hand around you as you watch the moons essence dance and lurch over the water of the lake

•he turns to you, eyes sparkling and hooded as he speaks to you. it’s almost like he’s sending you affection via his eyes

•” i love you, yn”, he starts, turning to you and hand dipping into his coat. “ i think i always have. loved you, been inlove with you, and i know you feel the same. i think that’s the killer ,” he chuckles, holding a box. you know what’s coming . you’re ready. you feel a bump in your throat and affection well up in your chest. “ the fact that you want me, as annoying and fuckin’ childish as i can be sometimes,” he fiddles with the box- embarrassed. you lift his chin to meet your eyes again. you see his brows crease in weakness at your actions. “ i love ya, miya. “

•you pause and you smirk at him like “ miya????” and that’s when he pulls out the box, angling himself into his knees and looking at you.

•” if you’d make me the happiest man on earth and be a miya, that is. “

o miya !

•likes the basics : decorating , some christmas music , likes holding a big christmas dinner with his family ( + tsumu’s partner bcus they’re family now )

• absolutely HAS to make a gingerbread house with u and he will teach u how to make everything from scratch

• u guys are constructing it , slathering on icing to stick the slabs of biscuit together and ur all focused

• he’s wearing the ‘ kiss me !’ apron that u got him, thick hands gently placing sweets to mimic bushes near the house, his grey eyes are on u the WHOLE time

• he thinks u look so pretty when ur not trying to be

•he’ll say ,” lover” and u look up, he’s just asking “ does this look funny ? the way i placed it?” but he knows it looks wonderful. he just wants u to say it cus it makes him feel fuzzy.

•when it’s done u stand back from it together, his arm around u and ur PROUD cus it’s so cute

•later he takes out some egg nog you two made together, sits down with u and u just chat about the years thats ( nearly ) passed. he’s running his hands up n down ur calves , laughing every so often , nodding , passing sarcastic comments

•it feels very home-y with the soft , jazzy christmas music in the back

•when he tells u about the dinner he’s planning he urges u to invite ur family too, and it’s kinda a big thing 4 u guys

• he was planning on holding it at the shop , since it’d be closed for christmas

•you guys prep together- making the food, planning a seating chart ( “ this feels so fancy, like a wedding ! “ wink wink ), he almost seems stressed.

• when you ask about it, you see his eyes glint softly and he reassures you that he just needs it to be perfect for your guys’ family

•so the prep goes on normally and he thinks he’s fallen for you all over again with how helpful, positive and over all amazing you are as a team

•the day comes and in the morning you guys unwrap the gifts you’ve gotten for eachother, and he seems spacy as HELL

• again, when asked about it he says he’s just thinking about the dinner

•so you show up to the restaurant and the families are THERE . shits getting real and you’re hella nervy

•him and atsumu are being absolutely chaotic- it’s so entertaining lol

•” AAAAA SAMU CMERE!! GIMME SOME SUGAR !!!”

“ tSUMU STOP TOUCHIN ME YA DAMN ANIMAL YER COVERED IN SNOW.”

•rest of the night consists of their grandma saying how pretty / handsome / good looking u are 😔

• at some point samu stands on a table and dings his glass with a fork , and ur kinda confused but ur smiling heavily at his durpy expression

• you can tell he’s had one too many beers- but you don’t stop him , he looks happy and he’s probably gonna say something sappy

• he starts speaking and throws his cap to the ground as he starts ,” family , friends , merry christmas,” he says, earning a ripple of claps from your loved ones and his. you cheer, and he smiles at you- his gaze doesn’t move as he continues. “ christmas has different meanings for everyone, but for me, i use it to be close to people i love. people that mean something- everything to me. “

• his arm raises to gesture to you, and your face is flushed red, “ my partner , yn, we’ve been dating since college. that’s , what? , 8 years ? and today i’m ending that.” his words cause your stomach to drop and tsumu looks up at him - confused and almost angry- looking. osamu only chuckles.

• you feel like you’re gonna fucking cry

• he steps down from the table , “ yn ln, i don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore,” he walks closer and you can tell that your family is becoming restless, tension beading up in the air and threatening to crush you.

• the man pulls something from his pocket , and before you know it hes on his knee. the room is full of gasps, cheers, mutters of ‘ oh my god!’ ,’ someone record !’ as he opens the box. a ring.

•” baby, “ he says, goofy smile on his face ,” can i be your husband instead?”

• everyone is SCREAMING.

• tsumu is crying , your mother is crying , YOURE FUCKING CRYING

• you nod your head and he picks u up, spinning you around and kissing u

•the ring is a perfect fit , and amongst all the screams he whispers ,” fits like a glove . just like us. forever .”

•now yk why he was so stressed out😔

k sakusa !

•he wants this to b over wdym

• he hates how busy and bustling everything gets, and to make matters worse his s/o wants to decorate the whole damn house. which means that they have to go out and get the deco.

•he’s all masked up and ready, n you prance out the room wearing a cute little christmas outfit. he’s pretending he dgaf but he’s smiling so hard behind his mask

•you guys get driving n you’re chatting up a storm, “ omi, do you think we should have a colour scheme ?” , “ ooo baby, what if we got a white tree hm?” , “ AHH OMI LOOK A SNOWWW MAANNN!!”

•he’s just smiling at you cus stfu ur such a sweet little baby

•when u get to the shop ur going so feral cus there’s everything u want n more

•u start with lights , then tinsel, little spray on snow for ur pretty glass doors at home, a couple reefs , some candles

• he keeps complaining about how cluttered the house is gonna be , but you’re shushing him and telling him it’ll be just fine

•so when it comes time to pick a tree , you make him pick

•he’s holding your hand, fingers laced and whenever he sees a pretty one he tugs on your fingers

• you hum a, ‘ ‘s your choice , omi ‘ and he groans because WHY CANT U CHOOSE

• he eventually comes across a tall, dark green tree and ur very pleased with him

• so u take it home, blah blah unpack blah

• DECORATING TIME

• u switch on some of that corny music he hates and when he’s walking up to you , you take his hands

• bro is confused until you start swaying , your hands finding his waist and his lacing behind your neck

•he’s blushing profusely, muttering how ,” i can’t believe you’re forcing me to slow dance to this bullshit “

•he allows you to though, and he can’t help the big grin on his face when you attempt to twirl him, when he dips you and especially when you draw him in real close

• you mutter the words of the song against his lips, and all of a sudden nothing matters. not the festive, the decorations, the world. it’s just you two- exactly how he likes it.

• the song fades away and you two stand like that for a bit , his lips pressing ghostly, gentle kisses onto the warm skin of your cheeks

• the decorating eventually starts 😔😔

•it starts fine

• but it doesn’t end fine

• the first annoyance was the needles getting everywhere and him complaining about it

•but you ignored it and he got over himself

•you’re placing the bobbles everywhere and you start ducking behind the tree whenever he glances at you

•he’s like ?? the fuck but you keep doing it and giggling . he feels challenged in his soul

•” i can see you, yn,” he says . you don’t reply , just going into the opposite side of the tree where you’re no longer in his line of sight

•he has an idea , and sneaks onto that side. he’s confused

• you’re not there

• before he can turn around , a loud THWACK is heard and a pillow is in his face

•you’ve done it now.

• he scoffs, tackling you into the carpeted floor of your luxurious house. he’s tickling your sides , your giggles and pleas music to his ears. his smile reaches those same ears - as he laughs he’s teasing you. “ you think you can whack me and get away with it, huh? huh??”

•you’re shaking your head vigorously, apologizing but he only tickles more and blows raspberries onto your neck. even he’s laughing uncontrollably now, your legs around his waist in attempt to push him a way

• he only stops when he sees tears form in your shiny eyes, pulling back. he breathes deeply, muttering about what a brat you are.

• his first mistake is turning his back to you, his second is not guarding his sides.

• you jump onto him, small fingers poking him and drawing a loud, girly yelp from kiyoomi. before he knows it he’s on the floor, begging for mercy as you tickling his sides- his neck- every part of him you can touch. his feverish giggles and attempts to grab your fast hands make you smile

•” yn- yN- PPPLLEEEAAASE OHMYGOD STOP EHATAGAHAHAHAHAHA”

“ hmmm? what was that omi ??”

“ sTOOOPPHAHAHSHHAHAH”

•this is the first time you’ve ever seen him giggle so much.

• eventually you stop . and hes catching his breath on the floor

• absolutely red in the face. hes gone.

•he comes up behind you and you’re ready to throw hands again, but he stops you and raises his hands in surrender. “ we need to put up the star, neither of us are tall enough. i was gonna put you on my shoulders,” he laughs airily ,” unless you wanna carry me?”

• you shake your head, and he hoists you up on his broad shoulders. you position he star and he’s looking up to watch your expression

•you pat his mop of curls when you’re done, he smiles, bringing you down. he has to fight the urge to tickle you again when your wide smile etches into his brain again

• you step back from your work. you huff happily

• omi is just watching from the counter . he thinks ur so cute tbh

• later in the night, it’s quiet . no music, no volley ball matches in the background, just silence.

• you’re laying next to eachother with dimmed lights filling the room, the blankets are disheveled and your eyelids are heavy

•he glances over , and when he sees youre awake he rolls to meet your gaze

• he stares at you, eyes flitting over your features for a moment

• “ i love you, yn” he mutters softly

•you smile like an absolute goof and for a sec he feels his throat close up

• his mind is flooded with love, affirmations of his love for you, just you in his head on repeat

•” i love you, omi,” you say, brushing his overgrown fringe from his eyes and placing a kiss to his forehead

• glossy, black eyes meet yours and there’s another beat of silence. when he speaks its barely even audible- you think you hear him wrong when he does

• “ marry me , baby”

•you blink for a second. you know for a fact he didn’t just say that

• “ please, if we don’t get married i’m never gonna recover,”

•something about the way he says ‘ please’, the sincerity and emotion lacing his voice as he speaks - its so special. something you’ve never seen from omi.

• you kiss him. a kiss that’s soft, but it’s meaningful. his eyebrows knit together as his hands find solace on the curve of your hip.

• “ i’ll marry you, omi.”

• he smiles

• he’s never quite loved anyone the way he’s loved you before

• best early christmas gift ever

raines thots ୨♡୧

WAAAHH ITS FINALLY DONSIES!! i’m so proud of this!! i rly liked omi’s and kuroo’s !!! also why is omi’s dub voice so ugly i wanna cry. n e ways OH EM GEE TY FOR ALL THE LOVE ??? ily all . bYE MWAHHH<33

[phantasmagoric-acquaintance]

On slow days, Lup’s lunch breaks are typically spent in the sketchy fragrance boutique, distracting Taako from his oh-so-important job of watching people warily sample perfumes and colognes and hoping nobody breaks a bottle because if I have to sweep up glass today, so help me God…

Lately, it seems Lup’s been using this time as an opportunity to ogle the dork who runs the phone accessory kiosk in the middle of the hall from another angle.

She lets out a long, dramatic sigh, and leans back on the counter.

“Jesus, you sound like a tired old dog.” Taako digs his spoon into the cup of Dippin’ Dots she’d brought for him.

“He’s just so cute,” she insists, like a teenaged schoolgirl. “Don’t you think he’s cute? Look at him.”

Taako looks at him. He looks like a regular dude. “I think you can find five of those at Home Depot.”

“You’re an ass. I think he’s special.”

“Maybe FYE? You could find a man like that at FYE, I bet.”

“No! He’s perfect and there’s only one of him.” Lup turns and dips her own spoon into Taako’s cup.

“Heyyy, get your own!” Taako whines.

“I just wanted to try the cookie dough. And I paid for it, so technically it is mine.” She slides her own cup across the counter. “Here, you can have a taste of mine.”

Taako pouts. “It’s got your fucking spittle all over it and now mine does, too.”

“Eh, you’ll live.” She turns back, looking across the threshold at the phone accessory man again. “I’m gonna talk to him.”

“And say what? ‘My phone screen is cracked, do you think you can fix it?’”

---

“Do you think you can fix it?”

“Um.” The pretty lady from the Hot Topic levels a strange, intense stare at Barry. The tips of his ears start to burn, and he hopes he’s not flushing. He tries to focus all his energy on her phone, and not on the fact that he’s been crushing on its owner from afar and now she’s looking at him and talking to him and oh, God, don’t fuck this up, Barry.

The screen doesn’t have cracks, so much as it has a few severe scratches. Barry’s certainly used phones in worse condition. “I don’t, um, really do repairs? I mean, I can— I’ve fixed my own phone and stuff, but uh. I’m not really confident enough to, to try to fix someone else’s. Wouldn’t wanna risk making it worse, y’know?”

“…Oh.” Customers are usually disappointed when Barry refuses to do repairs, but something about the lady’s demeanor is different. Barry hands her phone back to her, and she shifts her feet nervously. “Um… so, what kind of cases do you have?”

They’re phone cases. Not much to say. “We have, uh, some that are functional. And others that are pretty. Not many that are both,” he says, and immediately regrets it. It’s not exactly the tightest money-making strategy, downplaying your product, and he’s getting all flustered now and, fuck, he’s not doing a fantastic job of selling himself, either.

But still, the woman walks away with a new phone case, some tacky monstrosity painted with sparkling flames that had made her laugh, and a wink, leaving Barry behind to replay the interaction over-and-over-again in his mind for, at the very least, the rest of the day.

[absolutepokemontrash]

I come bearing a request! The Brothers with an MC who's really good at cooking and baking? Like, the stuff food blogs dream of. Master-level instagram pastries. Could compete with the chocolate guy if they put their mind to it.

👀 ooooo, I do love me some pastries-

(I know you have an *ahem* distaste for Lucifer, dear moot, so enjoy Lucifer acting like a bit of a dingus in his section!)

Lucifer

Oh, the human can cook. *insert asshole eyeroll here*. Great. Wonderful. Groundbreaking. That’s what’s got all his brothers acting like- what was that word Levi used? Simps? This human has turned six of the seven rulers of hell into a bunch of simps.

Sure, the human has near godlike cooking prowess. Sure, everyone looks forward to their day for cooking. And sure, everyone thinks the human’s pretty great.

Tsk, not him though. He’s a refined demon. Some silly food isn’t going to make him a lovesick fool… did he smell eclairs..?

Lucifer peered into the kitchen to see MC carefully taking a tray of eclairs out of the oven and letting them cool off on the counter. His favourite dessert… right there in front of him…

Due to not being a total moron, MC notices Lucifer and asks him what the hell he’s doing just standing ominously in the doorway. Lucifer makes up some bullshit excuse about reminding MC to do their homework and just leaves. Okay, game plan, he needs those fucking eclairs or he will spontaneously combust.

As he snuck into the kitchen that night, Lucifer took a moment to briefly wonder why he was creeping around his own house. He was the Avatar of Pride for pity’s sake! He could eat whatever he damn well pleased! Oh shit was someone coming- no? Okay, back to sneaking.

Lucifer crept into the kitchen, saw the eclairs, and all logic was thrown out the window. Time to eat!

“BEEL NO! NOT THE- Lucifer..?” “…” “…” “…you’re very talented, MC, do you mind making more of these?”

SOMEONE SNAP A PICTURE! THIS IS THE CLOSEST LUCIFER HAS GOTTEN TO BEGGING IN THE LAST THOUSAND YEARS!

Mammon

Ugh, stuck babysittin’ some dumb human, how lame…

As Mammon was throwing a “I’m broke and I’m stuck in a pact with a dumb human” pity party, the most heavenly smell entered his nostrils. Cooking… good cooking… was Barbatos visiting or somethin’? Nah, Lucifer woulda made a big fuss about gettin’ ready for Lord Diavolo. Huh, so what was goin’ on in the kitchen?

Huh? The human? The human can cook? Well damn, maybe this whole deal wouldn’t be so bad. Oi! MC! As payment for babysittin’ ‘em, he got to have an extra big share of- OW!

Did- did the human just hit him with a spoon?! Th-they can’t do that!

Apparently they fucking can. Mammon gets told to sit the fuck down and wait for the food like everyone else. He grumbles on the way to the dining room, but he can’t fully hide his excitement to try the food.

The food even looked pretty! How did they do that?! Magic. It had to be!

After everyone’s tastebuds were blessed with the heavenly substance that is MC’s culinary exploits, Mammon decides he needs to get on this human’s good side in order to receive more food! Maybe even find some way to make a profit or somethin’!

After weeks go by of trying to suck up to the human without looking like too much of a chump, Mammon eventually realizes… hey, this human ain’t so bad. They’re nice, they make him feel good about himself, they give him headpats… he’s really hit the jackpot here!

He’ll offer to help MC bake or cook, but beware, he will try and sample the food before it’s done. Don’t let him lick the spoon!!!

Leviathan

First thought? This human ain’t shit. Thought after seeing their food? WOAAAAAAAH! JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME-

He was unceremoniously cut off by Beel asking demanding seconds. Humph, fine, he doesn’t actually care about this dumb normie food anyway.

…well at least until Levi saw a little something something on TV that he just had to ask MC to try and make. He shyly knocked on their door and when they answered, Levi shoved the screenshot in their face and stuttered out a dinner request.

On the day MC was supposed to make dinner, Levi poked his head into the kitchen and tried to make it look like he was just standing in the same room as MC and not checking to see if they were making his dinner request.

Not that he’d blame them for not doing that… who’d wanna make some anime dinner for a yucky Otaku- OMG JAHSHSHABA THEY’RE MAKING IT! *fangirl squeals*

As Levi continues to commit the SIN of being in the kitchen at the same time as someone else, MC eventually just asks him if he’d like to help out.

“Here! Just keep turning the takoyaki.” “R-really? You trust me?” “Yes, Levi. You watched how they made it on your show, right?” “Yes! I won’t mess up! I swear on my honour as an otaku!”

All in all, it was a very cute bonding experience for the two. Now it’s a regular thing. Levi requests something for dinner or dessert, MC makes it, Levi helps out.

Satan

So, the human can cook. That’s nice. At least someone in this literally god forsaken house can.

He makes sure to thank MC every time they cook, then he makes sure to thank whatever deity is watching over him that Solomon wasn’t the human staying with them.

As the months progress, Satan realizes, he should learn how to cook better. I mean, Levi and Mammon were somehow both improving in their cooking endeavours, and if MC could teach those two, then he would be a breeze.

Satan walked into the kitchen and simply asked if MC needed any assistance with what they were doing. MC just slid him some garlic to dice and that’s how this mentor/student relationship was formed.

Satan was a star pupil, but Mammon and Levi weren’t above trying to sabotage Satan’s progress to get him to leave.

Here’s the thing, the sabotage worked, but it only worked once, and the two idiots didn’t stop to think that maybe they shouldn’t sabotage the meal they were going to have to eat later.

Well, cooking lessons continued uninterrupted after the ghost pepper incident…

Even when he’s ‘graduated’ their little cooking class, Satan’s always willing to lend a hand if needed. He also will slyly hand over some recipe books and cute baking supplies that he finds. MC should be prepared for lots of cat related things to come their way.

Asmodeus

The human can cook? Oh frabcious day! He’s saved from a life of his brother’s mediocre cooking! And the human’s so cute too! What a bonus!

Not only is the human cute, but their food is just so… aesthetic??? Pretty???? Omigosh he just has to get a picture for Devilgram!

For the first few months, MC’s relationship with Asmo consists of Asmo not at all subtly asking to take pictures of their food and post it to his Devilgram. Listen MC, his followers would just love it!

Being the saint-sheep they are, MC lets Asmo sit in whenever they’re making anything in the kitchen. And Asmo slowly realizes “hey, this cute human with the awesome food is actually pretty cool too!”

New Mission: Make the human fall madly in love with him so they’ll want to hang out more.

Whether the mission succeeds is up to MC of course. (I mean, I’m already smitten with him sooooooooo-)

MC offers Asmo a lot of the pastries they make, but the Avatar of Lust almost always declines. Listen honey, he’s on a diet- wait, don’t make that sad face! He’ll eat it! Look! It’s- it’s delicious…

Diet cheat day is now every day MC makes dessert. The feeling of bliss Asmo gets when he takes a bite out of anything MC makes is only second of the treats is second only to the joy he feels at seeing MC happy that he likes their food. It’s just so wholesome I can’t-

MC’s food Devilgram has almost surpassed Asmo in terms of followers and honestly- he isn’t even mad.

Beelzebub

Gasp! Lucifer finally got him the pet personal chef he’d always wanted! Thanks big bro! :D he’ll be sure not to eat this human!

On the first night MC was supposed to make dinner, Lucifer needed to hold Beel back from breaking into the kitchen to see what was causing that heavenly smell. It was, difficult… especially because Lucifer hadn’t slept in three days.

When they all sat down to eat, Beel practically inhaled everything and held up his half bitten plate for seconds.

We here at Stupid Headcanons incorporated recommend that MC have as many bodyguards as possible stationed around the kitchen at all times to ward off a hungry Beel. We don’t want him eating the ingredients and half-tempered chocolate.

A cinnamon roll through and through, he’ll eat everything MC gives him with a big ol’ smile on his cute little face. He’s not the best person to go to if MC wants advice or critique because the best thing Beel can usually muster is “it was really good.”

As Luke said in Lesson 5, Beel would make an awful food reporter. But we love him.

Similar to Levi, he’ll give meal requests on what to make for dinner. (At this rate, MC’s going to have to make some kind of list).

He kind of just waits by the door like a sad puppy whenever MC is making anything because he can’t get into the kitchen :(

Belphegor

The smell of freshly made chocolate chip cookies wafting through the house did reach the attic and it only fuelled his rage more. How dare the human win everyone over with cookies?!

After the attic incident, Belphie was won over with cookies.

Belphie just stands creepily in the kitchen doorway whenever MC is making anything and just makes shit really uncomfortable. Why’s he doing that, you may be wondering, well, he’s trying to calculate the energy needed to swipe the bowl of cookie dough and sprint to safety.

He never succeeds, mainly because once he gets to the bowl, MC already has the wooden spoon ready to smack him, so he just freezes mid-theft and slowly puts the bowl down.

“Oh my gosh, it says let the bread dough rest overnight? Let’s get a headstart and go to sleep now.” “Belphie what-” “I made a pillow Fort, come in. Let’s sleep.” “In the kitchen????”

How’d he make the pillow Fort without MC noticing? Years of experience. He’s trained in the art of- MC? What do you mean you can’t sleep right now and you need to get a head start on shaping fondant?

…he may have eaten the fondant while MC wasn’t looking… whoops… Beel may have rubbed off on him a little…

[rodr1cks]

Heather Hills | 2.5k

part two

neighbor trope where you’re in love with Rodrick but he can’t stop pining after Heather Hills, takes place during Dog Days

warnings: noncon touching (our ass gets grabbed), swearing, smut, heather is a huge bitch

Tonight was the night. You picked out a black silk dress that hugged your body perfectly. You looked... nice? Nicer than usual, at least.

Still, your mood was melancholy, you weren’t too excited to watch Rodrick drool over Heather all night. Despite this, you put on a smile and met Rodrick outside.

His band members, Rowley, and Greg were crowded together in the back. They always left the passenger seat to you, such gentlemen. As soon as you opened the door you were bombarded with wolf whistles and crude remarks from his cronies. “Rodrick if you don’t tap that I will!” The guitarist exclaimed while eyeing you up and down.

“Guys, guys stop, please,” Rodrick seemed a little unnerved by the banter. After that, the van was silent all the way to the party.

Upon arrival, you began to unpack the van, unloading equipment. “Hey, hey, hey, pretty girl like you doesn’t need to do the heavy lifting,” the guitarist said to you as he winked. He always went out of his way to make you uncomfortable. You laughed a bit to appease him, then walked away.

Gross.

The band was set up and Rodrick was clearly nervous.

“You don’t understand, y/n. This has to be perfect.”

You knew the importance of this going well but you couldn’t decide if you wanted it to. On one hand, he could get Heather Hills, the girl of his dreams. On the other hand, he’d be crushed. Poor Rodrick has already taken enough beatings from the girls at your school.

“I know, you’ll be great, though,” you were unsure of that statement.

“You always know what to say.”

He walked away, ready to start the set of a lifetime.

The guitarist approached you again. “Wish me luck sexy,” he whispered and smacked your ass playfully. You gasped, tears threatening to form in your eyes.

Just brush it off, you’re okay. You need to enjoy the show.

You tried not to think about his pathetic little mustache and the giant pimple that sat squarely between his eyebrows.

Why did Rodrick hang out with such scum?

The first notes of the song rang through the tent. Rodrick was… singing? Heather Hills did not look amused. Panicking, Rodrick signaled to Greg, “FULL DIAPER!”

Dear god.

Banners unfurled and cannons sounded. It was a complete disaster. Somehow the chocolate fountain went haywire and coated half the crowd with liquid chocolate, including Heather. Shit. Rodrick was done for.

Everybody pitched in with loading the van and you were out of there in no time. You feared Heather would’ve killed the lot of you if you lingered any longer. Greg and Rowley were the only passengers this time. You and Rodrick were in the front seat, not speaking.

“Rodrick, can I tell you something?”

You knew Greg and Rowley were caught up in their own conversation but you didn’t want to risk them overhearing, so you whispered. Rodrick nodded.

“Your guitarist, h-he uhm, he kind of touched me before your set.” Rodrick’s eyes widened. “Where?” he asked you sternly. “He kind of grabbed my ass.” You looked down, embarrassed. “Great, now Heather hates me and I’m short a guitarist.”

On the way back to Rodrick’s, you passed a gas station and you asked him to pull over.

“Rodrick let me out at this gas station, pretty please!”

He groaned and pulled into the lot. You ran in and made a beeline for the fridges in the back.

Where is it, where is it, ah!

Mint chip and cookie dough, both your favorites. You checked out and ran back to the van. Rodrick looked over, delighted when he saw your purchases. “He ruffled your hair and muttered a thank you. You smiled, “And that’s not all,” you pulled out two candy bars for the chocolate coated fugitives in the back.

Rodrick parked on the street in front of The Heffley household.

“Alright, everybody out!”

Greg and Rowley filed out as did you. Rodrick stayed put. “Aren’t you coming?” He nodded at you, “I have something to take care of first. Put the ice cream in the freezer and take a shower. Get that chocolate off of you.” He gestured at your hair and face which were coated in chocolate.

What could he need to do right now? Probably off to find Heather Hills and beg for her highness’ forgiveness.

You did as he said and borrowed his shower for a bit. You felt instant relief as the warm water trickled down your shoulders, chocolate melting away along with your stress. After your shower, you grabbed one of Rodrick’s t-shirts.

Lending you a shirt was the least he could do, considering the hell he’d put you through.

What a fucking night it’s been.

You sat around for a bit, awaiting Rodrick’s return. You heard the door swing open downstairs. He walked up the stairs to his room, ice cream pints in hand. You smiled at him before your gaze lingered down to his knuckles.

“Holy shit, Rodrick. What the fuck did you do?”

He looked down, “Well you told me what my guitarist did to you and I- I couldn’t help it. He needed to know what he did was out of line.”

Your jaw dropped, “So you what? Broke his nose?” He rolled his eyes at your theatrics, “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.” Had Rodrick really beat somebody up for you?

“So are we gonna eat this ice cream or what?”

You both sat on Rodricks couch, limbs entangled, eating your ice cream. He looked over at you, “Switch?” You shrugged, passing him your mint chip and grabbing his cookie dough. For the next half hour, you both sat in silence, processing the night’s events.

“Hey, I’m sorry about Heather.”

“Y’know, y/n, I realized something while I was performing. Heather Hills wasn’t by the stage cheering me on, Heather Hills doesn’t go out of her way to be kind to my family, Heather Hills wouldn’t look that good that tiny black bikini of yours,” Rodrick smirked, “and most importantly, Heather Hills didn’t buy me my favorite ice cream to make me feel better. Heather Hills doesn’t care for me like you do.”

You weren’t really processing everything. Was he hitting on you? Or flirting or… He cut your thoughts short by grabbing your waist and pulling you on top of him. “Woah what are you-“ He shushed you and grabbed your ice cream from your hand, setting it on the table.

Rodrick grabbed your hands, halting your mindless fiddling. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize how good you are to me earlier, y/n. I know that probably made you feel like dog shit.”

You let out a choked laugh. “Yeah, it did. But, you know now?” He placed one of his large hands on your cheek, using his thumb to stroke your face gently, “Yeah, pretty girl, I do.”

Pretty girl. Your stomach churned and your face turned bright red. Rodrick leaned in slowly and gently kissed you. His lips felt heavenly, they were soft and warm and better than you could’ve imagined. “God I’ve wanted to sink my teeth into you ever since I saw you in that little bathing suit.”

His voice was low and guttural, nothing like you’d heard before. This was a new Rodrick and you had no idea how to react, all you could do was sit there and stutter helplessly.

You could melt. Was this really happening? You had to check.

“Is this really happening?”

You felt him smile. He licked a stripe from your collarbone to your jaw, “You tell me.” You moaned quietly as his grasp on your waist tightened.

“How long have you wanted this, y/n? Wanted me?”

Your stomach clenched at his words, might as well tell the truth. “Since sophomore year. I-I went to one of your gigs and you didn’t see me” His hand moved to your breast and you sucked in a breath. “You looked so good on stage, I knew I wanted your hands all over me,” you managed to gasp out.

“I knew you were there,” he said matter-of-factly. You froze. “I told my mom, part of why she likes you so much, thinks you’re supportive of me or something.”

Is he serious, this is humiliating.

“I remember what you were wearing, too. A little red dress, you stood out. Never knew the neighbor girl cleaned up so nice until that night.”

He must’ve sensed your embarrassment, “Hey, it’s okay, no need to be shy.” You eased up a little bit, your hands finding his hair and gently pulling. “Atta girl.”

As things got more heated, he got more eager. At one point he looked up at you, silently asking for permission to remove your shirt. You nodded, laughing at him, “A gentleman, I see.” He made stern eye contact with you,

“I don’t have to be.”

He tore your (his) shirt over your head and stopped when he found you were wearing nothing underneath.

“Naughty, naughty girl.”

You wanted his shirt off too, along with everything else. You wanted to see him, feel him. You made quick work of removing his t-shirt and discarding it on the floor behind you.

You could feel his hard on through your panties and it was driving you insane. “Rodrick,” you panted, “I need you, please.”

The hand he was using to roll your nipple between his fingers moved to your clit and rubbed gentle circles over it. “Since you asked so nicely,” he grinned.

Your hand flew on top of his and he winced. “Oh shit, right, your hand! I’m so so-,” he flipped you onto your back and stood up from the couch. Your stomach dropped before you understood what he was doing. He fought with his belt for a moment before pulling it off and sliding his jeans and boxers off.

Christ he’s big.

He resumed his position on the couch and began stroking his cock while hovering above you. He leaned down to kiss your collar bone sweetly.

You muttered one last plea before he positioned himself in front of you.

“Are you ready for me, pretty girl?”

God there he goes again.

You arched your back up in response, letting out a small sigh of desperation. This was all so new, you had no idea Rodrick could be so… well spoken?

Rodrick took a deep breath as he bottomed out. The air was knocked out of your lungs. Fucking Christ. He split you in half with ease, groaning as he rolled his hips against you.

“R-Rodrick?” He muttered something indistinct in response. “Is this your first time?” He looked kind of embarrassed. “Yeah, uh, it is, yes.” Part of you was happy it was his first time. The other part of you felt bad for him. You knew that if girls would’ve just given him a chance, they’d see how incredible he was-

You were torn from your thoughts by Rodrick pulling out and slamming back into your willing body. You nearly screamed. He continued at an absolutely brutal pace.

“Jesus christ, Rodrick, never knew you could do this,” you gasped out, eyes rolling back.

He smirked down at you before pulling out, grabbing your hips, and flipping you over onto your hands and knees. Your head was pressed sideways against the arm of the couch but you didn’t care. Rodrick quickly got back to work, fucking you to the beginnings of your orgasm.

“Rodrick, I’m gonna-“ He grabbed your hair and yanked hard so your back was against his chest,

“Cum on my cock.”

That was all it took, you were gone, shaking and pulsing around him.

After a few more strokes, Rodrick was gone, too. He was grabbing your ass and grinding his hips against you as he finished.

Gently, he pulled out. He rubbed a hand over your ass and admired your raw, red skin.

You rolled back over, panting. “My god, y/n, how did I live without this for so long?” You smiled lazily at the ceiling. He kissed you, clearly spent. You both sat on his couch, heavy panting filling the room.

Rodrick looked over at you, “Ice cream?” He stuck the cup filled with melted sludge in your direction. You put your hand up in protest, “No thank you.” He shrugged, “More for me.” Roderick slurped the melted treat from his spoon. You couldn’t help but laugh at him.

God, Heather would despise this man.

“You know Heather slapped Rowley, right?”

“What? no way?” Rodrick laughed.

“She sure did. Don’t worry though, Rowley got to eat chocolate off of Madison.”

You both spent a moment laughing to yourselves.

You were absolutely satisfied, you could’ve fallen asleep right then and there, on Rodrick’s ratty couch.

“Let’s get you to bed y/n.”

“But I don’t wanna go home, Rodrick!” You whined.

“Who said anything about you going home?”

“Y/n, Mom’s at a writing seminar with Manny and Dad’s at some civil war retreat thing.”

Was he inviting you to stay the night? “Call your mom, tell her you’re with your friend… uh… Heather.”

Giggling, you did just that. “Wait a minute, your parents left you alone with Greg?” He swatted at you playfully, giving you a goofy glare.

Rodrick stood up and offered out his hand. You decided to be cocky and deny his help. In your attempt to stand up, you stumbled, nearly eating shit.

“Woah, woah, easy there tiger,” Rodrick said snarkily, grabbing your waist before you hit the ground. You hadn’t expected to be so unstable.

“Alright, do you want my shirt back, gorgeous?” You nodded sleepily.

He grabbed the previously discarded shirt from the ground and slipped it over your head. He then pushed your hair out of your face and placed a gentle kiss onto your forehead.

Rodrick led you over to his bed. It was a twin but you guys would make it work.

He disappeared for a moment and came back with a rag. “C’mere sweetheart. You turned to face him slowly as he sat down on the bed. He began tenderly wiping between your thighs.

“Look at you, so beautiful,” he mused. Out of instinct, you looked away from him. “I mean it, y/n.”

He climbed into bed with you, his lanky limbs making comfort difficult.

“There we go,” he sighed after you both finally found a comfortable position. You closed your eyes and Rodrick began tracing lines over your lightly clothed back. You could hear the summer rain pattering against his window and you sighed out, completely satisfied.

Nearly asleep, you noticed something in the corner of Rodrick’s room. His black and white one star’s with tire marks plastered over them. You rolled your eyes and laughed to yourself.

Heather fucking Hills.

+ literally don’t even speak to me about the grammar or the poorly written smut. act like you do not see it ty. and please send me rq’s!!