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a-killer-obsession · 5 months ago

Note

G, P, U 12 or 14+15 or all three?👀👀

Two Silly Boys

Prompt: Degradation/Sex Pollen/Unbearable

Additional Tags: afab reader, she/her pronouns, begging, oral (receiving), ass eating (receiving), petplay dog/master, double penetration (anal + vaginal), anal fingering, outdoor sex, semi-public sex

WC: 2.8k

Event Masterlist

🔞 Minors DNI 🔞

Going out to sea to explore the world was something you'd dreamed of doing since you were a child, so when captain of the Heart Pirates, Trafalgar Law, offered you a place on his crew as their resident botanist you happily accepted. Much like you, Law was a healer, but while he practised modern medicine, you used more traditional methods. It was one of the reasons he was so keen on having you join, he'd come to learn the hard way several times in his journey that modern medicines and remedies weren't always available, and while he knew a little about the botany in North Blue and how to use it to heal, the flora of the Grandline was a whole different ordeal. He wanted to learn from you, as well as teach his crew how to stay safe when there were so many unfamiliar and dangerous plants in the New World. Born and raised on the Grandline, New World flora was your specialty, and you were happy to share your knowledge. In truth, it was nice to have someone who cared enough to listen.

Being botanist to the Heart Pirates did have its downsides though, namely two of them: Shachi and Penguin. You couldn't possibly fathom how no matter how many times you scolded them, they always ended up in the infirmary after touching or eating a plant that they shouldn't have. It drove you insane, you swore next time they needed a healing tincture that you'd just let them suffer. The two of them never learned, and somehow it always fell to you to fix their mistakes, because they didn't want the captain to literally rearrange their limbs for being such idiots.

A new uninhabited island loomed on the horizon, docking procedures already underway, and you sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose, having no doubt you'd be seeing them in the infirmary later. You gave the crew the usual talk; don't touch or eat anything without checking with you first, don't pick anything, don't stomp on mushrooms even if they look cool and squishable. You hoped the trouble makers were listening but you knew they weren't. Once docked, you spent the afternoon with the crew, exploring the island and collecting herbs and flowers that you knew had medical uses and gathering them carefully in a basket. You were especially delicate with a flower you recognised as having use for treating libido and erectile issues, you had no use for it but you thought Law might be interested in its properties for the way it increased blood flow, so you carefully picked several and placed them in an airtight jar.

You returned to the ship to store and organise your forage, setting some aside for drying and making notes and sketches in your journal about the variety of flora on the island. Forage sorted and put away, you left the ship again for a more causal, exploratory wander. The others had declared after a thorough search that there was no danger on this island, there were barely any large animals at all which meant the only predators were too small to truly endanger a human. Confident you were safe on your own, you wandered into the forest. You weren't worried about getting lost, you had an exceptional sense of direction and worst case the island was only about a three hour walk wide, you would appear on a beach eventually if you walked in a straight line, and from there you could just circle it to the ship.

An hour into your leisurely walk and the sound of moaning caught your attention. At first you thought you'd accidently stumbled on a few crewmates taking advantage of the dense forest, and turned to leave and give them privacy, till the moans mixed with pained curses and desperate cries. They sounded like they were injured so you hurried towards the sound, already pulling off your backpack to grab your emergency supplies. You skidded to a stop when the crewmates came into view though. The troublemakers, who else. What shocked you however was their current predicament. Naked as the day they were born, covered in a sheen of sweat, dicks in each other's hands, desperately pulling at each other. You weren't sure you'd even seen them without their signature hats before, Shachi's orange-brown hair falling over his face in sweat slickened strands, Penguin's short black hair dusted with dirt like he'd at some point been laying down.

“Yes, yes, yes, noooooooo,” Penguin cried out, so close to an edge but unable to topple over it. He shoved Shachi hard, instigating a round of aggressive fighting, uncaring of their nudity as they fought in the dirt. “You're not doing it right!”

“Neither are you!!” Shachi yelled back, kneeing him in the gut, “how hard could it possibly be to make another dude cum!”

“Ask your fucking self, useless prick!” Penguin decked him with a solid punch right to the jaw and Shachi quickly returned it with his own, the two best friends shocking you with the force they laid into each other and spat insults, covered in bruises, their erect cocks bouncing with every movement.

“CUT IT OUT! BOTH OF YOU!” you snapped at them, emerging from the treeline and grabbing them both by an ear, pulling them away from each other as they winced at your hard hold. “What the fuck is wrong with you two?”

You could barely understand a word they were saying as they both yelled over each other, not even bothering to cover themselves. You caught something about hiking, something about a dare maybe? And ah… a flower. Of fucking course.

“Stop, stop,” you sighed, releasing them to run hands down your tired face, “did you two idiots touch a flower? Yellow? Pink tips? Six pedals?”

“We uh..” Penguin started.

“...we ate it,” Shachi finished. You let out a pained groan, throwing your head back. God, these fucking two, you wanted to scream.

“HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU TWO IDIOTS NOT TO TOUCH THINGS?!” you shouted, the two of them now cowering at your feet. You couldn't help but notice the way the subtly touched your legs, it was the effects of the flower no doubt. “Why the fuck did you eat it?”

“It smelt nice!” Shachi wined, “and it tasted sweet so Penguin ate one too”

“But then we… got… hard,” Penguin sighed.

“How long have you dumbasses been out here jerking each other off?” You sighed.

“... three hours,” Shachi whined, practically nuzzling against your leg. You couldn't help the electricity it sent to your core, you'd never seen just how muscular the two of them were under the boilersuits, not to mention their sizable cocks. Nothing quite like two muscled men on their knees to get a girl going.

“What do we doooooo [y/n]?” Penguin cried, nestling against your other leg, the two of them each claiming a leg and running their hands up them as they knelt in front of you.

“The flower you two idiots ate is a powerful aphrodisiac,” you explained, allowing them some small relief by scratching their scalps, making them let out little whines. God, they were like animals in heat. “The flower relies on the wildlife around it to eat the flowers so their nose spreads pollen from one plant to the next. It encourages the production of said wildlife by setting them into a breeding frenzy. More animals means more opportunity to spread pollen. You two knuckleheads are no smarter than a wild boar, its working exactly as intended”

“So what do we do?” Shachi whined, “we… we tried doing it ourselves, we tried helping each other, but we can't… we can't finish”

“That's because the flower wants you to breed,” you sighed, “for a mammal with a phallus, you need to finish inside another. If you were females, you'd need someone to finish inside you. Men have died from this you know? You'll keep going till you either do what the flower wants, or until you drop dead”

“So we just… have to fuck?” Penguin asked coyly.

“Yup, good luck fellas,” you shook them off your legs and turned to leave, “don't forget to warm each other up first!”

“Wait… no!” Shachi looked at Penguin and almost cried, “we're not into men! I'm not doing that!”

“Speak for yourself…” Penguin muttered.

“Shut up Peng!” Shachi shouted, shoving him and setting off another fist fight, “you're not fucking my ass! Or my mouth for that matter!”

You made an annoyed groan as you pulled them off each other again, the two of them quickly reclaiming your legs, more aggressive with their touches now, hands travelling past the hem of your skirt.

“Let us fuck you! Please!” Penguin begged.

“We'll make you feel so good, I promise!” Shachi added. You rolled your eyes at them but couldn't deny the arousal pooling between your legs as the two men begged for you and ran hands up your thighs. It was a tempting predicament. You weren't sure anyone had ever helped two pollen victims before either, it could be interesting research to observe how they interacted with each other. Would they work together? Would they fight for dominance? It was a fascinating proposition.

“Fine,” you relented, parting your legs slightly, “but you two pathetic boys better make me cum till I see stars or I'm telling the captain”

They didn't even bother to give you a verbal reply before they were all over you, running their tongues up your legs and tugging at your clothes. Shachi stood and pulled off your shirt as Penguin unzipped your skirt, letting it fall to the ground. They were like rabid dogs as they saw your underwear, and they made quick work of it, Shachi removing your bra, sucking on your breasts and groping them roughly as he stood beside you, while Penguin tugged down your panties and pulled you to rest your core on his face. You had to rely on Shachi to keep you upright as Penguin pulled your leg over his shoulder, and you cried out as he immediately drove his tongue between your folds, lapping at you like a parched dog, messily licking up any slick he could find and bullying his tongue inside you to find more.

“Fuck, Peng,” you moaned, hips rolling as you rode his tongue, “just like that, fuck. Who knew such a dumb, useless dog would have some use? Good dog, lap me up good,” Penguin moaned into you at your words, doubling his efforts, and you swore you heard him bark against your pussy.

“Am I a good dog too?” Shachi whined, letting your breast go with a pop to look at you with needy eyes.

“I don't see you eating your food like a good boy,” you huffed, “get on your knees and I'll see if you're worth my time”

Shachi dropped to his knees behind you, making a definite bark before pulling your cheeks apart and running his tongue against your asshole. If he had a tail, you had no doubt it’d be waggling. You shivered at the wet muscles lapping at you, feeling the way the two men's tongues occasionally met between your legs as they ate you out from both sides, Shachi's tongue bullying its way inside your tight hole. You reached one hand back to hold his head for support, a hand buried in each man's hair as they made growls and sloppy sounds against you, their cocks twitching untouched as they serviced you.

“Good dogs,” you purred, “fuck, gonna cum right on your faces, hnng~”

Penguin made a excited sounding yelp as you gushed on his face, and you cried out as Shachi took the opportunity to slip a finger in your ass, spitting on it and adding a second, your whole body tingling as he finger fucked you through your already intense orgasm. The two of them didn’t let up, Shachi’s tongue running over your ass and thighs before adding a third finger, stretching you open so you could take him.

“Good dogs,” you panted, barely able to keep yourself upright with the way your legs were quickly turning to jelly, “the two of you have worked hard, now show me how feral you are and come fuck me”

They moved faster than you could comprehend, working in tandem to get you in position so they could both fuck you. You expected them to lay you down, but instead Shachi lifted you so Penguin could slide inside your pussy, making you gasp at how fast he went to the hilt, before Penguin grabbed you himself and you wrapped your limbs around him. Shachi held your hips steady as he lined himself up with your ass, then he spat on his cock pumped it a few times to spread it. You held your breath, wincing a little from the stretch as he slid inside you slowly. They both held you still for a moment to adjust, the three of you panting heavily, both boys working hard to hold back and not just immediately slam into you. You gave them a small nod to let them know you were ready, mentally bracing yourself for what you knew would be a rough fuck given the effects of the flower. Shachi held your hips bruisingly tight, Penguin supporting your thighs, and the two of them began working in sync to lift and drop you, using you like a toy to get themselves off as they made deep thrusts in time. Between the strength of the two of them you were practically weightless, thrown around like a ragdoll as they grunted like rabid animals and fucked you mercilessly hard. Every hard thrust knocked the wind out of you till all you could do was whine as they used your body, quickly bringing you to orgasm again. Liquid dripped down their thighs from your release, wetting the dirt below you, the sound of them fucking your holes making sloppy sounds that echoed in the trees mingled with your collective moans.

“So good, good dogs,” you moaned, your tits squeezed against Penguin’s hard pecs, sweat making the three of you sticky as it collected between your bodies, your back pressed against Shachi’s front.

“Cum for us again, please,” Penguin whined.

“Need it. Need to feel you cum again,” Shachi added, his teeth grazing your shoulder.Penguin leaned back a little so he could rub your clit hard with his thumb, and you felt yourself spiralling.

“Fuck, fuck,” you cried, “cumming”

The two of them made deep groans that vibrated through you as they felt you squeeze around them, unable to let out your own moan from how hard you were cumming, the air entirely knocked out of you. All you could do was shake and see white dots in your vision as the two of them unloaded inside you, finally finding relief from the flower as they gave it what it wanted. The amount of cum they put in you was immense, another side effect of the flower, your two holes immediately dripping with white as they pulled out and held you steady while you found your footing and you practically collapsed against Penguin’s chest. Shachi grabbed the tank top he usually wore under his boiler suit and shook the dirt off, then he used it to do what he could to clean the impressive amount of collective fluids from you, your legs shaking and threatening to give out as he dragged it carefully through your oversensitive core. Penguin continued to wordlessly keep you upright while Shachi dressed himself, then they switched. Once the two of them were dressed they helped you, laying soft kisses and gentle, thankful caresses over your body as they pulled your clothes back on, before Shachi lifted you into a bridal hold.

“So what did we learn?” you yawned as they started to carry you back to the ship.

“Eat strange flowers,” Shachi gave you a shit eating grin. You smacked him hard on the chest and he pouted.

“I’m telling Law,” you threatened.

“Please don’t!” Penguin begged, “I promise not to dare Shachi to eat weird plants, and I pinky promise to not eat any myself!”

“Shachi?” you raised a brow. He rolled his eyes and readjusted his hold on you, making you squeak as you were jostled.

“Fineeeee,” he groaned, “I promise not to eat any more random flowers, even if they get me laid”

“I could have just let you die you know,” you huffed.

“I won’t do it again!” Shachi yelped as you pulled hard on his ear.

“Good dog,” you smiled.

“Woof!” they both replied.

#one piece fanfiction #one piece smut #AKO 250 event #heart pirates #shachi one piece #penguin one piece #shachi and penguin #shachi x reader #penguin x reader #shachi x penguin x reader

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prozacwhorehouse · 8 days ago

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camera roll 📷 | mgg x snl cast member au

in which you do a variety ‘what’s in my camera roll?’ interview and reveal moments from your life

authors note: this lowk sucks but new subplot alert?? i love I used to be funny so i just had to. matthew mixed in with some background for our snl reader ✅

“Hi Variety, this is y/n y/l/n,” you smile and and give a wave to the camera, “and today I’m showing you what’s in my camera roll.”

“This is a picture of me at the premier for a movie I did in 2022, called I Used To Be Funny,” you turn your phone towards the camera, revealing a picture a friend took of you posing underneath the title outside a movie theater in Los Angeles.

“I had the pleasure of running into the very talented Ally Pankiw at an event in 2022, and when she said she’d seen my shows and asked me if I’d audition, I read the script and immediately felt drawn to it,” you speak with your hands, imitating an emulation from your body. “It was funny, it was devastating, it’s an incredible story that I’m so honored to have helped tell.”

“I always wanted to be an actress. So landing that role the same year I was cast on SNL, just a dream come true.” you smile warmly at the memory, moving on to your next picture.

You huff out a laugh looking at the next picture, “aww. I love this one, a lot,” you again turn your phone towards the camera, revealing a picture of Marcello, you, Michael, Molly, and Devon on set.

“This is me and my SNL 22 Crew, which is the name of our group chat,” you nod, “pretty sure this was right before our first show. we were so nervous but it was all okay because we had each other. We were all in the same boat, and that was comforting. Ugh,” you sigh, tilting your head up and smiling, “I just love them so much.”

“it was really hard to pick this next one because my camera roll is currently 60 percent him. All he says is ’wait take a picture’, so now I just have a whole collection of silly photos,” you roll your eyes in fake annoyance, trying to distract from the blush that has crept on your face while talking about him.

‘I’m not entirely sure where we were here, all I know is anything Halloween, Matthew wants a picture with. We had dressed up all crazy, I had on an insane fall sweater and like, striped witch tights. I do really love mismatching clothes, layering and looking insane, which I don’t really see a lot of guys doing?” you furrow your brows and squint your eyes in thought, releasing when admitting, “so I feel really seen by him. He isn’t afraid to be himself, so it makes me feel like I can be myself too. It’s amazing. He’s great. I’m very thankful for him.”

“Aww,” you jut your lip out, heart melting over the picture. “I was having a really rough week. I remember my sketch got cut, and I couldn’t think of how to make them better. I walked into my bathroom one morning and Matthew had stuck this on my mirror. I have so many pictures of these, but I picked this one because it was the first.”

You hum, “I could go on, but, I won’t,” you laugh, tilting your head back down to your phone, quickly exhaling to get back on track, “anyways!” Causing the crew to laugh behind the camera.

And the comments are all like

Loved her in I Used To Be Funny. So talented!

I hope she’s on SNL for a while, she’s one of the best additions in a while

The way she talks about Matthew is the cutest thing

Its so cute that y/n and Matthew are getting more public with their relationship, this is the first time she’s mentioned him by name

THE NOTE HE LEFT HER I NEED TO SEE THE OTHERS

—————————————————————————

tag list <3

@sarcasm-and-stiles @mystargirl-interlude @rubyirene @ashrrams @ghostatrixx @forevermorepassionate @saint-boudica @reidmarieprentiss @awakeforu @spencerlicious @kittycat-april @baudarling @delusional-4-fake-people @avenlymars @angelinajolie0213 @arusio @littleslayofhorrors @jezabelle9299 @jaemnationnn @princess-ofthe-pages @flow33didontsmoke

#matthew gray gubler x reader #mgg x snl cast member #mgg fluff #mgg x reader #mgg fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fandom #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction

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galedekarios · 8 months ago

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this is a personal vent post so please let me just get it all out without trying to come at me lol:

so many ppl saying they respect larian's decision to peace out and not deal with hasbro/wotc, but i have to be honest, i don't respect them at all.

they are leaving a game behind that is unfinished and a narrative mess.

they leave a game behind where everyone paid the same amount of money for it, yet depending on which character you prefer, you get less content.

the disparity between everyone else and their writer's pet ast*rion is insane. he has a half to a third more content depending on which character you compare him to.

they leave behind a sparse act 2, which is already so barren compared to act 1 and all it had to offer. act 3 is a narrative mess and lacks structure.

they leave a game behind where they made promises a handful of weeks before release where they ought to have known that they, in fact, will not be delivering said promises: access to the upper city, consequences for playing certain races across the acts (playing a drow is going to be different in act 1 and gives you advantages vs act 3 where it would give you understandable disadvantages), etc etc etc.

they leave behind a game where content was cut from the companions to make it seem like the origins have something to offer when that system is barely able to compare what origin playthroughs offered in dos2 and it hurts the game and the experience (like tara being cut for companion gale).

they leave behind a game where they promised to much variety and proclaimed in panels from hell how they struggled to show the width and depth of the game, but really? it's about as deep as a puddle. a lot of the choices do not matter. kill ethel? nah, she's alive and well in the city. no sister hags to be angry here. give karlach no infernal iron and never talk to her at all? doesn't matter, she'll survive until the end of act 3 and will still call you her bff. dissuade gale to use the orb? we'll make sure he'll still offer 3 more times just in case. send yenna away from camp bc you don't want her there? doesn't matter, she'll stay. and yes, i'm aware these are all small things, but they are part of a larger problem. almost nothing you do truly matters to the point of where i just skip most things in act 1 and 2 now.

they leave behind a game that they promise to still patch, but some things have been broken since early access / release to the point of where i'm like i'm sorry, but your word that you will continue to patch things means about as much to me as all the other empty promises. the dialogue about morena dekarios is still broken and it's been over half a year now. the astral sea scene has low-res body textures for months. i know from mutuals who love minthara that her romance is still broken. and i could go on and on.

and what gets me the most about this is all is that they have learned nothing at all from dos2: act 3 of that game was so bugged and all over the place that i couldn't muster up the motivation to finish it the first time i played. they neglected a character to the point of where he could have been removed from the game or made a general hireling (beast).

those issues were at least attempted to be fixed in the definitive edition.

with swen saying that there will be no new content anymore and stating that both bg3 and its characters are now property of wotc/hasbro, it seems unlikely we'll even get an attempt of a fix.

so what this boils down to to me is just another game company not delivering on their promises after overselling their product and more or less abandoning it after a year to move onto the next big thing.

i don't think i can respect that ngl.

#vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #text: personal #larian critical #bg3 critical

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thethoriumreactor · 12 days ago

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Wow reception to my TMAxHazbin au (it doesn’t have a name if y’all have ideas im all for it) was way better than I expected y’all have so much enthusiasm omg

Here’s more of the au for everyone who asked for it, this time with notes on the characters (under the cut)

More characters coming soon in another post

Character infos (part 1):

— Alastor is a former radio host, now true crime podcaster, liked for his great voice, theatrics and morbid sense of humour. He specialises in making carefully worded deals to give his victims a false sense of security, before subtly manipulating them into their downfall; all the while, they usually have the subconscious thought that this isn’t right, why am I doing that, why are they acting like that, what is happening to me, am I being manipulated— He takes pleasure in backing people into a corner that leaves him as the only option to get out. Thinks it’s hilarious to make episodes about his own crimes in his own podcast.

— Lucifer is a former toy maker, coming from old money and declared dead during the many years his Becoming took. He makes his targets, the worst kind of criminals, experience and live their own death in its entirety — an urban legend says that if you’ve done bad in your life, you should hope not to one day find a strangely hypnotising apple in your home, for it means the Devil himself is coming to take your mind, sanity and reputation as punishment for your actions. All he wants is to contribute in some way in his dear Charlie’s life — even if it means dealing with the annoying, creepy spider constantly hanging around her. Marked by the Slaughter, the Desolation, the Dark and the Lonely.

— Vox is a popular journalist known for his charismatic attitude in front of a camera and his ability to persuade others in any debate. He likes to either ruin his victims with information he gathered through observation, or drive them into insanity by constantly following them and giving them the feeling of being watched — surveilled, examined, judged, stalked. He’s involved with two other Avatars, forming an untouchable group of 3. Gets obsessive about people he is interested in and hates rejection — who’s that guy hanging around Alastor?

— Rosie runs a small café, seemingly normal on the outside — and the most popular spot for Avatars looking to meet, trade or relax. Others do the hunting for her as the easiest form of payment for Avatars struggling to integrate into society; she likes to prepare a variety of dishes from the prey brought to her, constantly experimenting with her unfortunate victims — how does meat toughen up under pain? How does the taste change to certain drugs? How much deformity can it handle before collapsing? She’s a good friend of Alastor’s and on amicable terms with all Avatars that don’t wish for trouble. Has been an Avatar for a long time — how long? Who knows.

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nexus-nebulae · 3 months ago

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aloy coming into cofront while we're eating: oh my fucking god what the hell is this thing (delighted)

shoutout to 5 guys for having the messiest sloppiest hot dogs on the planet

#she's learning about so many Old World foods and loves every single one she's tried so far #the kind of hell it is growing up with a normal human palate yet literally only having a selection of Three Total Meats Ever #and she grew up tribal bc postapocalypse so there's no fucking tools for making food other than knife and pot and spoon #and we fully switched midsentece so suddenly speaking in third person feels Wrong-#but like oh my fucking god there were like. barely any fucking crops. most produce was also medicinal #bc when gaia and her subfunctions were rebuilding the world they all prioritized like. basic food and medicine #we haven't gone into the next stage of rebuilding yet so she hasn't reintroduced The Rest Of The Fucking Wildlife #she literally just made as basic of an ecosystem as can function on its own and then waited for the first human clones to be born #so it is BARE. BONES. there is SO LITTLE TO EAT. like not in terms of actual abundance but VARIETY #and a lot of basic plants are also genetically modified to contain stronger medicinal effects so they are ALL BITTER AS HELLLLLL #i ate a NORMAL BLUEBERRY for the first time ever and im ready to kill ted faro again myself bc HOW COULD YOU HAVE TAKEN THIS FROM US #i know faro didn't cause the initial dieout BUT HE SABOTAGED THE RECOVERY EFFORT SO MANY GODDAMN TIMES IT'S INSANE #the Old World has SO MANY FOODS TO TRY #and the greatest fucking thing is there are so many people and cultures on this giant ass mostly interconnected planet #that we will likely NEVER run out of new foods to try i want to try EVERYTHING (that won't kill us)

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heazueken · 5 months ago

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I Want My Donut

*ೃ༄ summary: You were promised Satoru wouldn’t eat your donut. So how can he repay you when you wake up to it missing?

warning(s): MDNI, explicit sexual content, crack smut, food consuming and sex, blow job (male receiving)

pairing(s): gojo satoru/reader

w/c; 5.5k a/n: every fic is self indulgent isn’t it? this was a gift to a friend (@stsgooo) who had his donut taken from him </3 so this is based off of real events (just not the smut part) enjoy? LMAOOO

______________________________________________

You had one, repeat, one good thing to look forward to when you woke up and sat straight up in bed; A fucking donut. You and Satoru had gone the previous morning to a new local pastry shop that had a wide variety of pastries, from croissants, to danishes, strudels, you name it. They also had a good selection of classic donuts. You didn’t need that many but Satoru, having the sweetest tooth between you two, decided that six donuts just simply wasn’t enough. A baker's dozen had been decided by him and he chose to pay himself considering he changed the plans of only getting six. You carried the box in your lap on the way home, the box smelling sweetly of frosting, cream and baked dough. It warmed your thighs the rest of the way.

By the time Satoru parked the car three donuts were gone. No, you hadn’t had a single one. Satoru begged for you to open the box and let him have one— insisting that because he paid and was driving that he deserved payment in the form of a chocolate bar. After nearly avoiding an accident, you clinging to the box to protect the donuts out of sheer instinct, Satoru decided he deserved another for that one. ‘I did just save our lives’ was what he muttered when he stuffed a lemon filled donut in his mouth. And finally, the reason for the third donut to be wolfed down in such an ungodly manner was simply because he was pretty and to keep that natural beauty he just had to have the apple filling strudel. That bastard.

“You better save at least one for me, you freak.” Satoru licks his sticky fingers and you stare at him with a sneer of disgust. He wrapped his hands around the steering wheel and you had to make a note to clean the wheel the next time you were in the drivers seat.

“I will, I will!” He muttered, crumbs falling out of his mouth, his cheeks stuffed like a chipmunks except this chipmunk was a full grown man and it wasn’t necessary for him to store his dessert inside his mouth like that.

By the time dinner rolled around there were three donuts left.

“Satoru,” shocked, but mildly impressed, you looked at the stains of the cardboard box where many donuts had just been sitting were now gone and only remnants of crumbs were left. Still, your cream filled donut sat by its lonesome, untouched. “How many did you fucking eat?”

Satoru barely looks up at you from his phone, his lip pours in a false consideration before he shrugs as if it wasn’t insane for someone to eat ten donuts in one day. “I don’t know, three?” You point to the box, whistling for his attention which he reluctantly looks up to see you standing there with the lid open.

“There are three left in here. We got thirteen, Satoru, thirteen donuts. You ate ten donuts!” Your boyfriend throws his hands up in his defense, shoulders shrugging up to his ears.

“Can’t a man like me enjoy a sweet treat now and again?!”

“You can! Just don’t fucking touch my donut.” You look back down to the box, then back to Satoru who looked equally as shocked at you, except his reasoning was your sudden ‘outburst’ and not the fact that he was a pig.

“I will not touch your fucking donut, sheesh!” He storms off to your shared bedroom, but he rounds the corner and quickly swipes an eleventh donut, trotting away before you could really give him an earful.

So yeah, that’s how we come here to this very situation the next morning. Satoru, away from home (probably for his morning jog, that psychopath.) You, standing in the kitchen in one of his oversized t-shirts that he bought specifically for you to wear with the box of donuts sitting on the counter in front of you. Except it wasn’t a box of donuts anymore. It was just a box. An empty box with remnants of the grease that stained the cardboard material, swipes of chocolate frosting were seen as well as the crumbs littered around inside it. No matter how many times you opened and closed the lid, your cream filled donut just was not showing up. How strange. You had specifically told your stupid boyfriend to do one thing and that was to not eat your one donut you wanted for yourself. And yet here we are, an empty box and an angry girlfriend ready to grab Satoru by the balls and drop kick him into next week. He was in for one when he got home.

You paced the kitchen, chin between your thumb and index finger in thought as you considered the options swirling around your head. Should you call him right now? Give him an earful and make him run to the bakery to get what you rightfully deserve? Should you print copies of those embarrassing photos of his middle school portrait from when he thought he could dye his own hair and had to go to picture day with patchy pink hair and pin them all over the walls? Should you tackle him when he got home and choke him out? Should you murder him? All options just seemed too good to choose from, it was hard to pick.

When the sound of keys jingling and the doorknob turning reached you, you decided that death for Gojo Satoru would be the best option. You grabbed a knife off the cutting board that had been left there just the night before, you raised it up like you were Norman Bates from Psycho about to plunge the sharp kitchen tool into your boyfriend's chest when he finally opened the door and stumbled inside. Satoru kicks his shoes off, takes an ear bud out and looks up at you when he notices a figure (you) in the distance. He’s still bent over, even from across the room you can see panic settle into his eyes. His body becomes rigid, his eyes widen and he acts like an opossum. Maybe if I just stay still they won’t notice me…

You raise the knife higher, an eerie smile cracks across your face. “Would you like to tell me why my donut is gone from the box, Gojo.” Oh god. You never called him by his last name unless you were properly pissed off, like actually angry with him. It had been so long since he had seen the rage boil from you, he could see the trembling of your body and it only made him shake with fear.

“Sweetheart, I can explain— Y-you’re up earlier than I thought. I was going to go back this morning to replace it and—“

“You wouldn’t have to replace it if you had just listened to me the first time.” It’s like there's an evil glint in your eye when you look down at him over your nose. Chin turned up when you point the edge of the knife towards him. “You will be dealt with shortly. But first,” Satoru looks at you with horror when you dramatically pause before continuing, “You will tell me why you ate my donut.”

Frozen in fear, your boyfriend still stands there by the door. He finally let the door go, it clicks closed and now he can’t escape. It would be a dumb move to turn back and run out, that would only draw attention to them both and the chance of someone calling the cops on them when they see a domestic dispute unraveling right in the road was simply something he wasn’t willing to risk. He could see it now, you chasing him down the street with the knife in your hand, him desperately yelling for forgiveness to only be met with your evil laugh and the blade buried in his chest. And over what? A donut! A fucking donut. He could try and flee to their bedroom but then he’d have to shelter himself in there. He’d ultimately have to leave at some point and face the wrath of his hangry girlfriend. No, no he had nowhere to go, he was forced to face you head on.

“I…I…” You take a step forward and he straightens his back and attempts to go backward only to be met by the front door. “I was hungry, I needed a sugar fix before my jog and-and I was going to stop by the bakery later and replace it before you woke up but—“

“You are the biggest asshole, Satoru. I mean seriously.”

Your boyfriend rolls his eyes, “It’s only a donut, I can buy you a new one.” Your sneer is apparent across your face and Satoru only feels his stomach drop when he realizes he said the absolute wrong thing. You take a few more steps toward him and you’re just a foot away from him. He presses his back hard against the front door and looks down at you. Despite him being over a foot taller than you he did not feel very tall, he felt small in front of your burning gaze. You were so close now that he could actually see the pain that flashes across your eyes for a moment. He had really fucked up this time.

“It was my donut. You clearly don’t respect my things or me as a person if you’re willing to steal something that I specifically asked you not to.” The words felt like daggers in his chest and his knees go wobbly with the guilt that settles low in his gut. Satoru falls to his knees right in front of you, he lowers his head and knocks his forehead to the ground. A full on dogeza before you.

“I’m so sorry! I’m terrible! I ruined your entire day! I’ll make it up to you!”

Staring down at the pitiful man before you, you lower the knife in mercy and tap your socked foot to his hand.

“How are you gonna make it up to me?” He’s about to raise his head to look up at you but you firmly put your foot atop his head and force his forehead back to the floor. “You will answer me.”

How will he make it up to you? A new fucking donut, duh. Maybe he’ll get you a whole baker's dozen of cream filled ones and you can keep them to yourself. That’s the only possible solution, right? But even when he suggested getting you another it wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear. Satoru had taken from you, something you had told him to keep his grubby hands off of and he disobeyed. Knowing you, you’d want a resolution that was outlandish. You liked to make a fool out of him, lowering him a peg or two. Like when he had eaten the last Milky Way that you called dibs on (he swore he didn’t hear you announce that) last Halloween and so you had him dress up in a maid costume and do your assigned chores the next day. You seemed eager to make him get on his knees and clean between the tiles of the kitchen with a toothbrush, really, that had to have counted as domestic abuse surely. Satoru would be lying though if he said he didn’t enjoy it half as much as you do. How will he make this thievery up to you now?

His eyes are shut tightly as he thinks of what to say and he lightly bangs his forehead against the wood floorboards as if it would help him choose a solution faster.“Aaaahhhh, uhhhhhhh,” he groans, trying to find some sort of answer to grasp onto. Could he put on the maid costume again? Maybe he could offer doing the dishes for the next two months. Perhaps he could suggest crawling into a hole and staying out of your sight for a week if that made you happy. Nothing, nothing came to mind! Satoru lets out something along the lines of a moan and he tries to raise his head only to be met with your foot pressing him back down. He needed to get you another damn donut, forget the other shit. But that clearly wasn’t enough for you! What else could he possibly come up with?

Then it hit him. Like a light turned on in that empty head of his and the image of his answer sat on top of a podium beneath the harsh white light, glowing and sparkling. Oh, you would love this.

“I know how I can make it up to you.” He scoots his hands, his right hand sliding over to your other foot that wasn’t occupied by stepping on him. He rubs his thumb over the top of your foot.

“I will get you your donuts…and��and…I’ll get some to stack on my dick and you can eat them off me.”

There’s a silence that nestles between you both. It’s deafening and he can feel his blood rush through his ears as a fear oozes across himself at the thought that maybe, just maybe, you would actually end his life over a donut. Oh…maybe you wouldn’t love this.

“Satoru…” You begin, your voice lacking any emotion, he tries to gauge where you are but your foot stays firmly. “That is…the stupidest idea ever. What the hell?” He’s sweating, full on soaking through his shirt. The fear ripples over his body and he almost begins to tremble before you’re removing your foot and telling him to look at you. He slowly raises his chin, his eyes follow up your figure, starting at your ankles and glazing past your legs, up your torso (he still notices the knife in your right hand—now lowered), then your neck and finally your face. There’s a playful smile and suddenly he hears a laugh escape you. What?

“I think I would love that, actually. But you’re driving there and buying the donuts.”

You turn on your heel, heading back toward the kitchen and leaving Satoru on his hands and knees in shock. He watches you put the knife back where it was and calmly walk back to your room, the sound of the door shutting reaches him and releases a sigh. There’s a buzzing in his pants, he reaches for his phone, a text from you at the top of his notification center;

I don’t want to see you until you get those donuts.

A period at the end. This is serious.

He scrambles back to his feet and grabs the car keys by the front door and is practically running to the car.

Satoru bought a fresh new batch just for you. Twelve donuts, half of them cream filled and the other half plain chocolate donuts with the hole and everything for…the activity you settled for as repayment. He’s proud of himself, a big smile slapped across his face when he gets back home and kicks his shoes off, not caring where they land. He makes his way into your shared room, not bothering to knock.

He’s already semi-hard; just the idea of him exposed to you was enough to get him going, Satoru was easy like that. It didn’t help when he stumbled into the room and you were laying across the bed on your stomach, your back to him so he could see a defined shape of your ass. You sway your hips side to side in the pair of shorts he told you many times he adored seeing you in. They were just loose enough to give him easy access, pushing them to the side and sliding himself inside you (which he had done many times). He shudders at the thought, his dick growing harder and aching more for you. You sit up, scooting yourself to the wall that the head of the bed met and you lean against it, a wide smile across your face too. You’re just as excited as he was, he could tell; you tended to become red in the face and neck, your eyes would have this gloss over them when you were especially aroused or needy. Then there was a fidgeting, you bringing your legs together and squirming told him you were already wet and warm between your legs. You motion him to come to the bed, pulling the covers away and leaning over to grab the box from him.

Satoru makes quick work to sit beside you, he touches his shoulder to yours and puts his hand over your thigh, squeezing it in greeting. You don’t meet his gaze when he admires your profile for a second, watching the way your eyes light up when you open the box to see they’re all for you. You look at him then, a toothy grin on your face and you lean in to give him a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. It felt great to be back on your good side after that rollercoaster of a morning.

You reach a hand over and mirror his movement, squeezing his thigh and Satoru releases a pathetic whine. His hips shift and raise, his cock fully erect and creating friction within the confines of his underwear and pants.

“You’re seriously hard already? What? Had a raging boner the whole way home?” Your hand slides teasingly up his firm thigh, your fingers pressing into the soft skin. Your fingers travel beneath where the hem of his running shorts begin and you're sliding up and up until you feel the beginning hill of his erection. Satoru jolts, he forces himself to look at you, that pout on his face told you everything. He most definitely had been hard on the way home and needed you to fix it. He bites his lip when your hand gently cups him and your fingers wrap around what it can against the strain of fabric. Your index finger finds his tip, already beading through his underwear, you coo.

“Bet it was hard, huh? Being this hard and having to wait. Were you hard at the shop too?” Satoru could only nod, releasing another moan from between his lips. You squeeze harshly around him and it makes him yelp.

“Answer me.”

He nods again, bringing a hand up to cover his incessant sounds. “Y-yes. I was hard…I was so hard just thinking about this.”

“You like thinking about me eating donuts off your dick?” The corner of your mouth tugs into a smirk and you both can’t help but release a laugh at that absurdity of the situation. But Satoru had to admit that yes, he definitely was hard thinking about you jerking him off while you ate a donut that was wrapped around his cock.

“Have to admit I do…” He confesses. Your fingers gently ghost up and down his shaft, making the words falter out of his mouth and feeling him try to raise his hips to make more friction between the two of you. Satoru’s face scrunches, his nose getting wrinkly and his eyes screwing shut to focus on not cumming right in his underwear like some horny virgin. If this was enough to send him over the edge, he can’t imagine holding off for very long once you finally get between his legs. But he was the strongest, he could do it…maybe.

You remove your hand, sliding it back down and feeling the soft bristle of the fine hair on his legs, down and down until your hand grips his under knee and you pull it close to you, forcing him to spread his legs. There’s a look in your eye when you shift over his leg to settle between his thighs. You lock eyes and he sees that hunger in your gaze, your eyes half lidded, lips parted. Your right hand cups over him again over his shorts, your left reaching for the elastic around his hips. With a hook of your fingers and a quick tug Satoru’s shorts slide down his thighs with ease. He raises his legs up over your head to help him get half naked, his cock springing free from its confines and standing to attention.

He’s beautiful like this, he always is. Spread apart, slouching into his pillows and covering the bottom half of his face with his hand to hide the blush that dusted his cheeks. Satoru tended to also get red all over, the blush traveled across every part of him, his cheeks, ears, down his neck and across his chest. Your hands lay over the strength of his thighs and you notice his cock twitch with anticipation when your hands reach where his thighs meet his pelvis. White coarse hair makes a trail from his belly button down to where he’s aching and red for you. He looks down at you with bright eyes, droopy and glossy like he was about to cry— he often did that too. Your fingers find settlement in the bush of hair, pressing down on his pelvis and your other hand grazes over the underside of his hard shaft.

“Nngh…please…”

“Quiet,” you bite back. Your fingers travel down until the soft skin of his balls gives into your touch. You cup them and your hand on his pelvis is wrapping around the base of him. You squeeze gently and watch more precum dribble out of his tip. You have half a mind to bend down and have a taste but you refrain— instead you remove your hand from his shaft and reach over to open the box. Pulling out one of the chocolate donuts, it had rainbow sprinkles atop it, one fell off the frosting you caught it with your mouth just in time. You look at Satoru whose gaze is locked where your tongue connects to the donut. You drive the tip of your tongue into the frosting, it melts away under the heat of your mouth and you lock eyes with the man before you, dragging your tongue over the frosting and coating your tastebuds with its sweetness. You watch Satoru’s adam’s apple bob as he gulps, he almost becomes redder and you feel his balls in your hand twitch at the lewd action before him.

“You’re sick, you know that?” He says through gritted teeth, his voice shaking with arousal.

You smile. “You’re sick for eating my donut.” He couldn’t argue with that so he shuts his mouth and watches you lower the pastry over his tip.

Satoru’s girthy, almost too girthy for the likes of this donut. Its hole is much too small to fit a man of his width, but you try anyway. The dough stretches and tears slightly as you shimmy it down his shaft, it doesn’t give a good squeeze like you do when he’s sheathed inside you but it’ll have to do for now. It’s sticky and the warmth of your hands had the frosting melting slightly, but now that it’s wrapped around Satoru’s cock like this, it practically drizzles down the sides of his length. It’s silly, you bob his dick forward and backward, watching with amusement— your boyfriend has a donut wrapped around him like some sort of cheap imitation of a cock ring. You let out a laugh, your hand wrapping itself around the base of him again to catch the melting chocolate from reaching into the crevices of his coarse hair. Your fist slides up to the underside of the donut, then back down, then back up, then down. Over and over again, you duck your head down, scooting so you lay on your stomach between his legs. Your tongue peaks out of your mouth and you let it follow a path of chocolate up his cock. The warmth of your mouth has Satoru letting out a choked gasp and his eyes widen to watch your tongue lap at the melted frosting.

This was crazy, right? Absurd even, feeling this aroused at the sight of a donut around his cock and his girlfriend licking the chocolate off him. He watches with his mouth agape, you taking a bite out of the donut, your eyes opening to look up at him through your eyelashes. The dim lights of the room hit your face just right and your full cheeks chew on the sweet pastry for a moment. Your eyes shut with a comfort that travels across your body and you’re sinking lower into the bed, the sweet taste of the pastry making your body go limp in bliss. You swallow and decide to give Satoru a few more well deserved tugs before opening your mouth and laying your tongue flat against the underside of his tip. You let drool trail down his cock, flicking your tongue back and forth where you know he’s sensitive. Satoru arches his back off the bed and he grabs the sheets instead of giving into the temptation of grabbing your hair and fucking into your mouth, he has to keep some sort of control…he cries out your name, head thrashing to the side.

“Please—fuck…don’t stop!” He begs, drool collecting at the corners of his mouth. You pull away then, watching a bridge of spit break between you both, his tip glistens in the light and you decide to take another bite of the donut. Satoru lets out a loud whine of disdain at the lack of contact, his hands reaching out to grasp at you to pull you back but you swat his hands away and hold one of his wrists down firmly against the mattress.

“You don’t get to order me around, Satoru.” You take another bite, making sure the ring of dough around his cock stays intact, your hand makes good work on his lower shaft and you watch a dribble of melted chocolate slip past your hand and down his balls. Aiming the head of his cock towards his face to have a good look, you lower your mouth to catch it with your tongue and slowly lick up the path it followed, you let your tongue press and wrap your lips around a testical. Satoru grunts, another plea leaving his mouth and he watches your eyes flutter closed. You hum your satisfaction, sucking on the loose skin and you caress your thumb against a prominent vein on his hard length. You let him go with a wet pop and your tongue follows back up his length to take another bite of the donut. It begins to tear, losing its structure with each taste from you. Satoru’s width stretched it far enough so it slumped to one side and rested atop your closed fist.

You work your hand up, his foreskin following along with the chocolate donut. His precum beads out of his tip and it collects enough to topple over and slide down the head. It drips onto the donut and you feel him trembling underneath your touch. Satoru breathes your name, throws an arm across his face and huffs, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His knees attempt to draw together but he instead digs them into your hips and squeezes you. Your free hand goes back to cup over the expanse of his thigh and you press him back open and you dig your fingernails into his skin, releasing a whimper from him. You were one of the lucky ones to see him in such a state as this, calling out and weeping for release. His hips began to buck up into your fist with a furocity and the friction only fanned the flames that blazed beneath his skin. He was close, so incredibly close, but he knew better than to cum without permission.

“You’re so pretty, Satoru,” you whisper his name in such a way that makes his head dizzy and his eyes roll back into his head. His mouth locks open and another needy moan crawls out along with the trail of drool that follows down the hill of his lip and the slope of his chin.

“Please…fuck, please just let me cum.”

“I’m not even done with my snack.” You give him a few more tugs, opening your mouth to release a string of spit off your tongue and let it land and slide down the tip of his cock. It’s filthy when you wrap your lips around the head and suckle, letting the flat of your tongue toy with his sensitive skin. Satoru jerks upward and forces you to take more of him in your mouth and your nose presses against the top of the donut, leaving a mark of frosting. You quickly release, sliding your mouth lazily down his shaft and taking a bite out of the pastry. The dough rips, unable to keep its form anymore and you grab it before it can fall over. Satoru whines when you pull away but haphazardly keep a slow pace with your fist around him, spreading your spit, his precum, and frosting across his length looking like some lewd scene you’d see in a poorly acted porn video.

You eat up, watching your boyfriend thrash and struggle not to cum all over your hand as you finish the donut you rightfully deserved. You lick your fingertips clean, sucking on them the same way you’d suck on his. Satoru narrows his eyes toward you when your eyes meet and you give him a cocky smirk. You release your tongue to lick the rest of the frosting off you, side eyeing him in the process to make sure he was watching the show you’re putting on.

“You’re cruel, you know that? So crue-aaahh—!” Your fist clamps around him, dragging over his sticky, wet skin and now it’s your turn to narrow your eyes.

“Maybe I’ll edge you all day, then. Maybe you don’t deserve to cum at all since you still don’t see this is all your fault.” Another squeeze but around his tip, your thumb flicking over the edge of the head, drawing out a slew of apologies.

“I-I’m sorry! It’s all my fault, I’m sorry! You’re right—haa— please just…I’m sorry. Let me cum, please!” You spit into your other hand, wrapping it around the base of him and both hands work up and down in haste and the room fills with filthy squelches. Should you let him cum? Surely not, he doesn’t deserve it. But he was so gorgeous when he finally found release, his skin burning red and legs trembling, toes curling…you couldn’t deprive yourself of such a sight.

Lowering your head again, you drag your lips over the tip of him and you let your tongue drag across the swollen head. Your words ghost over his skin as you speak and tighten your fingers around him.

“Cum for me, Satoru.” It was enough, it always was with him. He could hold out for you, he was the strongest after all. But the moment you gave him the okay and when your soft lips released him from the torture of holding out he was a force not to be reckoned with. His hips jerk upward, dipping his tip back into your mouth as hot spurts fill you up. The saltiness mixes with the sweetness of the chocolate and coats your entire mouth, you swallow some of it down only to be met with more ropes of cum filling you back up. Your hands help ride out his orgasm, gripping and sliding over the veins and squeezing near the top to help him release his passion. His hand grapples your hair to steady himself, his hips driving up and down, you lower your head to let him sink further into your mouth and suddenly your throat is swallowing around him. His cum pumps out of him with each thrust and once he begins to slow down you’re slowly raising your head, already missing the slickness of your throat, Satoru pouts and lets his head fall into the pillows.

Your hands lazily jerk him off, the last of his cum dribbles out of him and trickles down his softening erection. You press your cheek into his thigh, turning your head to give him a chaste kiss. Splaying your fingers over his pelvis and rubbing his lower stomach, feeling the ripple of his muscles as he still struggles to come down from his high. Satoru’s blood rushes in his ears and he barely registers your touch, his mind going blank after such a violent orgasm.

“We got five more rounds to go,” you mention, reaching over to flick the box back open to remind him of the five other chocolate donuts waiting to be eaten (or used as a sex toy in this case.) Satoru looks over to them, horror making his eyes widen at the realization that you were not joking in the slightest.

“But…I—“ He begins to plead but you cut him off.

“You owe me this.”

Why did he buy a whole dozen? Was he stupid?

This was going to be a long night…

#this is embarrassing #this fic is so funny to me #jjk fanfic #jjk gojo #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #pepper writes #gojo smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

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kentopedia · 9 months ago

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Can you drop some long series recs (any fandom!)?! I haven't had any come across my dash >.< Would love to read some!

omg of course!! I HAVE SO SO MANY RECS! a lot of the ones i've seen recently are ongoing, but i hope you give them a go & keep watching for updates <3 i have read quite a variety, so hopefully there's something for you tehe. some of them i haven't read yet, but have been on my list bc i enjoy their other works :) so i recommend them to since i know the writers are amazing!!

to have and to hold by @fedyenkas (chuuya, ongoing) - i just started this one today & it's so so amazing so far !! chuuyas characterization in it is sooo yummy. i haven't read a hybrid series before, so it's super unique to see how that fits into the bsd universe.

noble blood by @forest-hashira (satoru & suguru, ongoing) - i haven't read this one yet, but both of fallon's entries for my collab were incredible, so i can only imagine this is too! plus, the premise is SO insane, it's about dragon riders, and there's an entire sheet with all lore that they've created !! i can see how much love and care was put into this one, so i can't wait to check it out !!

oh, baby! by @tetsuskei (kuroo, ongoing) - i have yet to read the first part (everyone throw tomatoes at me) but risu posted some parts on her old blog & i read it there! it's so so sweet!! i looove all her writing, and dad!kuroo is just the cutest thing EVER.

waterloo by @fyorina (dazai, ongoing) - i haven't read this one yet either but i am SO SO incredibly excited to get to it. this one is going to be long, so it might be what you're looking for !! the first two parts are out already, and there's a posting schedule if you want to know when they're coming out :)

bulletproof love by @staryukis (gojo, ongoing) - i've really enjoyed this one so far and logan's writing is so captivating <3 it feels just like missing scenes from in between the canon jjk storyline. logan also has a mini zombie apocalypse series i've been excited to read after reading the other series !! it's dying (for your love).

regrets by @/kingkonoha (levi, complete) is so good !! i still need to finish it, but the concept is super cool & the reader is the antagonist so it's a really interesting spin on levi's actions in the canon universe.

tidal temptations by @fyodorloveclub (fyodor, ongoing) - i have also yet to read this one (cries myself to sleep my tbr is never ending), but everything flora writes is incredible, so i have no doubt this one is too. it's a merman fyodor fic, which is such a cool concept i'm so excited to see where it goes !!!

hell within reach by @/ddarker-dreams (chrollo, complete) - omg. ok i read this one like 2 years ago LOL, but it's finished and its about 80k long, and it's so good <3 i used to be an insane chrollo girlie & this is one of my favorite fics about him.

lover's delight by @lovelyluc (diluc, ongoing) - i don't even play genshin or know anything about it HSHFSDFH but this one is so sweet <3 you can really see how much awea loves diluc in this series, which is my favorite thing about reading fics, and it has so many of my favorite tropes !!

geheinisse by @honeybleed (jean & reiner, ongoing) - only the first part of this is out but it's SO INCREDIBLE. there's so much drama already, and nara does such a great job of setting the scene while getting you hooked immediately. nara also has a two part reiner fic (the first part is decades) that's completed and over 10k words that i'll never forget! her characterization of reiner is so yummy.

if it wasn't for him (would you have me) by @gojoath (yuuta, ongoing) - cella's the ceo of yandere yuuta, so if you're into him, i can't think of anyone else to recommend !!! cella wrote another yuuta series that i think is completed, so there are lots of amazing things to read on her blog <3

@osaemu has a streamer!gojo series that are all in the same universe & connect! they're so funny & everything sabs writes is amazing, so i encourage you to check out her work if you haven't

the lakehouse by @tetzoro (kuroo, ongoing) - rahhh i'm the worst bc i still haven't read this but aims is one of my favorite writers on here, so trust me it's amazing. this was written for october, so if you're missing autumn rn def read this one! aims also has another kuroo series coming soon <3

i know i left some people out, so if you're ever in need of any other recs, pls lmk tehe. and if you're a mootie of mine but have a series i didn't include, send it my way <3 but hopefully all these amazing ones will get you started!

#໒꒱ rylie's angels

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7grandmel · 2 months ago

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Character Archives - [FILE-07]

Grand Dad

"Mario seven, uh, was that the one I played? Oh, let's check it out..."

For Walt Disney, it all began with a mouse. But for SiIvaGunner, it all began with a bootleg game, a streamer, and a pinch of insanity. Many have come after him, and many can claim to be funnier - but Grand Dad will forever hold the title as the first ever figment of imagination to come out of the bubbling mind of SiIvaGunner [FILE-01]. As a result, he has come to be a symbol for the channel in its entirety, the very embodiment of the SiIvaGunner ethos, and something of a dear friend in the eyes of its creator.

In 2014, a certain streamer under the name of Vinesauce Joel was going through the motions of his typical streaming routine - playing games of the oddest variety, and bellylaughing at the absurd results they'd deliver. Even as part of this greater whole, however, Joel's reaction to 7 GRAND DAD immediately became a standout moment, a series of events so perfect that the comedic timing couldn't have been coordinated to be any better. A mumbling Joel clicks on the game bizarrely labeled as "Mario 7", and is to his great shock met with the imagery of a garishly discolored Mario, placed onto an equally garish blue background, as bold letters declare the game's name to be "7 GRAND DAD". Before Joel can even properly process the twist he's been subjected to, only letting out a reading of the game's name, the game twists all expectations once again: An 8-bit rendition of The Flintstones theme, originally from The Flintstones: The Rescue of Dino & Hoppy, kicks in - prompting a bewildered reaction of "FLINTSTONES?!" from the thoroughly befuddled streamer.

This is a sequence of events you're all too familiar with if you're a fan of the SiIvaGunner channel, yet nevertheless a necessary one to properly recount to understand just how core Grand Dad is to SiIvaGunner: Through this one 15-second clip of one streamer's reaction to the unpredictable world of bootleg video games, a small subset of internet dwellers on the platform SoundCloud realized that they'd uncovered a whole new genre of derivative audio work. Mashups and arrangements were always alive and well on the internet, yet always delivered with upfront honesty: To play into their derivative nature as part of the reaction, to present these edits as if they were the nostalgic, authentic real-deal video game music that you grew up loving, only to have the edit serve as an unexpected punchline, was the kind of brilliant idea that just had to be capitalized on. Thus, in January 2016, one lone internet dweller by the name Chaze the Chat started the SiIvaGunner (then GiIvaSunner) channel, and uploaded "Wild Pokémon Battle - Pokémon Ruby & Sapphire". The bait-and-switch foundation that laid the groundwork for all of SiIvaGunner, all built upon the concept of a bootleg Flintstones game pretending to be the seventh entry in the Super Mario franchise.

In our world, Grand Dad's debut to the online world is now over ten years old, his legacy on the SiIvaGunner channel being that of a figurehead mainly representative of the simpler times that the channel has long since grown up from. Yet in the SiIvaGunner universe, to SiIvaGunner himself, Grand Dad is the beating heart of the entire channel, the first spark of imagination which binds his whole universe together. Every figment made since the channel's inception owes its existence to Grand Dad, and with every step SiIvaGunner underwent across his original 2016 run, Grand Dad was right there alongside him, an enduring voice in his head steering the channel onward. And even as his creator fell into a deep slumber, as The Voice Inside Your Head [FILE-03] set his plans into motion to extract SiIvaGunner's figments into the real world, Grand Dad was at the front lines of the resistance fighting in his name - and remains a symbol of hope for all figments caught in The Voice's tyrannical reign.

Across eight years of the channel's life, Grand Dad has gone through so many phases in reception: As a novel joke, as a beacon of hope, as a redundant and played-out bit, looping around into being used ironically, followed by a loop-back-around into being genuinely appreciated. Event after event, album after album, Grand Dad has become a genuine symbol of everything the channel does, and continues to appear to represent it across all of its twists and turns. It's no small feat for a figment to have endured in relevancy for as long as Grand Dad has, and no matter where the channel is headed, you can sure that he's here to stay.

#character archives #siivagunner #siiva #artist credits in order of image used:#artist : original #artist : doshmobile #artist : circunflexo #image 4 & 5 : artist unknown #vargskelethor #grand dad #vinesauce joel

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wickedcinnamonroll · 7 months ago

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Okay fuck it I'm making my own post even tho I'm not in the like, Watcher circle or whatever I just have something to say that I'm not seeing a lot of people saying yet

I don't think we can be too mad at people on here "spreading misinformation" regarding the idea that Watcher WAS going to delete old videos since in the Goodbye YouTube video, they said

"The beta will be a transitional period where you'll still be able to access content on YouTube, but beginning May 31st, you'll need to become a member of our streaming service to access full seasons and new releases."

Like idk maybe I'm just too autistic or it was phrased incorrectly and horribly, but me and a LOT of people clearly interpreted this as meaning "You'll still be able to watch our videos on YouTube, but beginning May 31st, you'll need to become a member to watch both new AND old content." I think it's the inclusion of the phrase "full seasons" to the statement. If they only said "beginning May 31st blah blah blah to access new releases" and THAT'S IT, then sure okay that clearly means that new content is exclusive to the streaming service. But "full seasons" makes it seem like- that would include both new AND old seasons.

And if you try to be like "well that's on YOU for misunderstanding them", idk man I'm not a content creator but if I was making this big huge announcement, I would've made it CRYSTAL FUCKING CLEAR that don't worry, we're not deleting old videos!! We're just making a platform where we're gonna be posting new stuff and also the classic stuff will be there too. Like I would use very obvious wording and phrasing to say this.

Also in the Variety article that everyone is linking to prove that "see see! they're not deleting old videos omg y'all are so stupid for believing and spreading this misinformation and these lies" THE LINE DIRECTLY BEFORE IT SAYS THAT RYAN SAID THEY'D KEEP VIDEOS UP SAYS

"The company originally told Variety that Watcher would eventually remove all of its videos from YouTube, where it currently has 2.9 million subscribers."

LIKE?????? THEY ORIGINALLY SAID "Yeah we're eventually gonna delete all the old stuff" but they either realized what an insane idea that would be and/or they saw all the backlash and backpedaled like crazy.

Like listen- I am happy that they aren't deleting old videos, but I'm kinda annoyed that so many people are using the fact that not everyone read this Variety article and are y'know........believing what they originally said in their video as a way to like....idk undermine or dismiss any criticism and/or grief people have about this news.

This doesn't change the fact that a lot of fans (and from the looks of it, mostly international fans) will not be able to watch new content they enjoy. It's important for creators to be paid obviously, but I cannot blame people from being upset.

#watcher #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim #ghost files

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thydungeongal · 11 days ago

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People calling D&D generalist sound insane to me. Have they never heard of an actual generalist system? GURPS? Fate? DOGS? I think I have at least a few more than those in my own library, there's a LOT of those suckers.

The reason there's so many games, and why people keep making more, is because most games provide a specific experience. D&D couldn't run the type of games Blades in the Dark makes, and neither could actually give the experience Band of Blades gives despite BoB being a fantasy campaign game mechanically based on Blades in the Dark.

Inasmuch as I think that it's impossible for any game to be entirely generic (even GURPS and Fate are very opinionated about what sort of gameplay they produce), it is truly wild to see D&D, a game that carries actual encoded setting metaphysics built into its mechanics, as a generalist game. And even though I think those games do carry clear expectations of playstyle (since it would be pretty impossible for a game not to), to their credit GURPS and Fate are toolkit games that actually provide tools for adapting the games to a variety of settings, i.e. what a lot of D&D players seem to think D&D does.

#thydungeongal answers

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plasticfangtastic · 6 months ago

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Cozy Corner Domaystic--Prompt: 3. Grocery Shopping, 18. Snow Day, 21. Road trip (sort of)

Charred Steak

A Butchlander fic

Sypnopsis: Butcher is in charge of taking care of Homelander.

Tags: Fluff?, non-canon anything, partially-depowered Homelander, depressive, one-shot, not proof read i die like this.

word count: 1.5k words

This is the forth time he’s heard this song on the radio, one can only tolerate the same country cover before been driven insane but is better than nothing, their car only had an old stereo and he rather not drive in silence with this company, they’ve arrived to their cabin and found it more than just barren, ordered to stay out of sight and hidden until further notice so it was just functional not comfortable but at least it'll do, the snow was piling up and the sun had begun to set-- all Butcher wanted was anything in his stomach and a drink to warm him up, then worry about tomorrow and the road.

Leaving the cargo behind he headed to the nearest town over an hour away, in normal circumstance he wouldn’t dare leave this guy alone but now he can’t go anywhere, he’s bound to the ground like any other sad sod in the world should-- or at least for the most part, but he’s not complaining he himself doesn’t want to do anything, he’s rotting away on his passenger seat or the floor, the most he’s spoken this whole drive to the middle of nowhere America had been to complain about the amount of ads on the radio then over this song.

But Butcher pays him no mind.

This drive is short compared to the last few days, the song just an annoying reminder.

The supermarket is a little small, but he can at least take a breather in aisle dillydalling as he reads the ingredients and cooking instructions, he was no gourmand much less Gordon Ramsey so he would eat anything.

Homelander much the same--he had no taste for food not eating much either, losing weight to a worrisome degree even his bosses had ordered him to feed him, so he stuffed the trolley with a decent variety of things in hopes he liked something, he ignored the ringing on his phones, too exhausted to deal with the rest of the boys after such a long drive, just wanting to get back and eat.

He picks two packs of steaks seeing which was the best deal, he should buy the cheapest chuck knowing Homelander doesn’t deserve anything but dollar store steak but he puts the T-Bone on the trolley nevertheless, he can’t really brush away the image of Homelander’s distraught, how dead he was, after all these days bound together Homelander feel more like a husk dressed and bleached than his archnemesis.

Reading his shopping list he got he milk, the hot cocoa, enough water for a month, he got the bread, butter, canned chili and beans, too many cans that at some point he’s unsure if they will eat it all, toilet paper, frozen vegs and lots of steak, he shouldn’t be buying candies... Homelander seemed to despise anything with fructose unless its coke.

But he still throws a few in there.

Butcher almost wishes the snow buries his car and leaves him stranded if that meant he can stay away from the blond.

But he makes it to the cabin, he looks up and sees no smoke.

He ran as if his life depended on it, his mind only remembers the Homelander of the past, he’s gone and he’s fucked.

The door slams open and he’s taunting the air with his gun but all there is a mess hovering a dwindling flame, wrapped in a blanket and shivering, his foot sticking out and blue.

“You’ll get hypothermia that way… don’t you know how to keep a fire going?”

Homelander doesn’t reply, his eyes yearn to light up but he’s just there immobile on the ground and if his head hadn’t move just a second prior he would had thought it was a corpse.

Homelander doesn’t move when Butcher fixes the fireplace again, but he will pretend to not have noticed that the man squinted and smiled as the warmth enveloped him, he catchest that odd look in his eyes as he touches him to put that poor foot back inside the quilt.

Butcher does his things, putting things away wishing he would help or talk but all Homelander wants to do is sit by the fire like a cat.

“They said on the radio that the snow storm is only going to get worse… we will be stranded so if you want anything I didn’t get at the shops you better speak up now.”

Homelander says nothing.

“You… whatevah…”

Homelander doesn’t do anything, Butcher can fix their temporary residency for a couple days without protest.

He looks at his watch and realizes that Homelander hasn’t eaten or drank anything for hours, he looks at the man grunting as he forces himself to care for him, picking him up from the ground and finally earning a response from the man, he looks at Butcher wincing at him trying to push him away but while there is strength that doesn’t match those thin arms, he’s still weak.

Dragging him up, the man looks away from him-- he looks more angry than ashamed

“I’m gonna make dinner. Be useful and set the table.”

Homelander stood there as Butcher looks back at him and for some disturbing amount of time Homelander stood frozen, but without making a sound he floats and helps him out, he moves smoothly and quicker than most but not in a manner that seemed natural for him.

“Is that… good enough?” His voice is so dry, it hurts to listen, he nods for putting a table wasn’t rocket science– what are you making?”

Butcher grins surprised to hear the bastard wanting to chit-chat.

“Steak and veggies.” He says bluntly.

“Better than slim jims and whisky…”

He sounds normal for a second which gets Butcher to turn around, he much rather listen to this version of him instead of the corpse tied to him.

“You got milk but no whisky… Did you forget?”

Butcher eyes light up in horror, the snow so thick outside he knows it probably not a good idea to travel anymore not at this hour.

“You did get slim jims…”

“Is better if I stay sober if am s’ppose to be stuck ‘ere with you until I get my next orders.”

Homelander smile is more somber than Butcher wants to witness-- he can tell he's bullshiting him so his hearing isn't all gone, this situation is dire but he still looks at the disheveled blonde with a bit of anxiety, his suit long gone replaced by dark coloured sweats, missing a sock and a beard that's gone from scratchy to scruffy, Homelander has been docile for the most part, Butcher becoming his nurse bathing him, washing his hair, shaving that god awful beard... he’s been comatose for weeks, waking up and being no different than a vegetable, moved from coast to coast away from Vought and their minions, Butcher has gotten uncomfortably familiar with Homelander, so when he acts alive its great but it annoys him.

It was weird for Homelander to talk or move this much these days-- Butcher almost gotten accustomed to the potato sack, he can't tell if Homelander will act out but Butcher has learned some tricks to keep him tame.

He lowers the flame letting the steak sizzle and crisp and the veggies boil without supervision for a moment, as he maneuvers around Homelander to take a pack of Werther’s candy from the pantry, Homelander watchest him closely as he rips the candy open.

“You've been a good boy. Haven't tried to run in a whole week… thought you deserved a treat”

“Twisted ankles hurt so much more than I expected it… simpler to break them… what’s the point of running if it’ll hurt afterwards... don't get me started on sore knees."

“You won’t run anymore, right?” Butcher teases Homelander, pressing the cream coloured candy in-between his fingers lifting it towards Homelander’s mouth– you’ll be a good sweet boy for daddy and stay right where I tell ya to stay, right?”

“Is not like I can leave you.” He looks out the window– is also snowing quite a bit… we both can’t leave each other either way."

“So you’ll be a good boy and behave?"

“yes, daddy” He says mockingly.

Butcher presses the creamy candy on the blond’s lip his tongue stretching and catching those calloused fingers, Butcher knows he shouldn’t get to know him more, he hates the bastard, but as the man suckles on his fingers, remembering bittersweet memories-- Homelander is so sensitive to the pain, so sensitive to everything else too... he'll do anything not to feel pain but something else.

It was wrong, it was sick but Butcher found it cathartic, more cathartic than the bruise on Homelander’s neck... now a sweet shade of olive, his mouth watered at the thought of being trapped together.

Homelander smiled crushing the candy as Butcher’s fingers escape those sharp toothers, still sharp enough to rip bone clean, he knows well... he got the stiches to remind him.

“I don’t like well-done steak.”

“Youse get what you get.”

“You don’t like well-done either.”

“Fuck.”

The snow piles up, Butcher and Homelander eat in silence, the snow piles up outside, and the two stare at their plates in awkward silence.

Butcher smiles just a tad as the man can only muster a sizzle on the meat.

“See you do like it well-done, luv.”

“Gives it some flavor… you forgot to season it.”

“Butter and salt is enough.”

“Your people colonized the whole world for spices—

“Shut up and eat your steak!”

Homelander smiles, chewing loudly as Butcher wishes he’ll go back to being silent.

#butchlander #homelander #billy butcher #cozy corner domaystic #my fic tag #personal

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humorisstoredinthetits · 1 month ago

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The Heathers + Veronica and their Hobbies

Heather Chandler:

From a very young age Chandler was interested in fashion

Her mother had always stressed the importance of looking her best, being pretty much the only thing she every taught her that she took to heart

She enjoys how what she's wearing can manipulate how people perceive her

Is she trying to elicit sympathy? Wear things that almost match but not really, showing them that you're not fully there

Is she trying to get something she wants? Wear something striking with bright colors and high heels and show that you're the boss

Alternatively, wear something that shows off your best features, especially if you're dealing with a man or your three incredibly immature wives who get a nosebleed when they see the tiniest amount of cleavage

But besides that, she simply enjoys looking good

She loves the confidence that comes with knowing that you are the best dressed person in the room, but she also loves going to the store and seeing what's new or going through her closet to find the perfect outfit

She has so many clothes that they had to extend her walk-in closet by double it's size, and even that isn't looking like its gonna be enough

She also enjoys helping her wives with their fashion

By her wives she means Veronica, that girl cannot accessorize for shit

Duke and Mac have been around her long enough and listened to enough of her rants to know what looks good and what doesn't, but Veronica is seemingly hopeless in that regard

If they have to go anywhere nice Chandler has to step in and dress Veronica, otherwise she'll end up wearing something like shudders ripped jeans and a black hoodie

Even for their wedding Chandler had to break the usual tradition of not seeing the bride's dress before the ceremony to make sure she picked something presentable

Veronica has absolutely no sense of what looks good, she just wears whatever is comfortable, which good for her, but it makes Chandler groan

One time Veronica came home from the store wearing pajama pants with penguins on it with a dress shirt and tie and Chandler literally started banging her head against the wall

No matter what, however, she always wears her scrunchie

It was a gift from Mac, one time her Dad got her a two-pack bc it was the only one with a yellow one, so she gave the extra to Chandler

She treasured this gift and not a day goes by where she doesn't wear it

She also prefers to wear heels, because without them she is just every so slightly shorter than Duke, a fact which she never fails to remind Chandler about

She also has an interest in baking

It started as just a side project, giving her something to do while she waited for dinner to finish cooking, but it eventually became something she does on the regular

Her wives have insane sweet teeth? toothes? idk

Especially Duke, if that girl sees chocolate she acts like that one fish from Spongebob

Knowing this, she decided to spoil them one day and bake them some brownies

Of course she had no idea how to do this, but with the power of the internet and random videos on Youtube she was able to find a passable recipe that didn't involve many pre-made boxes

She found that she really enjoyed the experience, with sweets she had a much wider variety of things to choose from to make

Mac is an extremely picky eater, with her autism she really only likes certain foods and only some types of those kinds of foods, so the four of them are really limited on where and what they can eat

Mac feels super bad about this, she hates limiting them because she can't get over not wanting to eat some foods, but her wives reassure her that its not an issue and that they are more than willing to accommodate for her

But it does create a challenge for Chandler on making her a variety of food and not just making her the same thing every night

It also limits what she can make for herself and the others, because Mac can't even be at the same table with some foods or she'll start to get nauseous

But with sweets, Chandler has much more freedom, because Mac likes pretty much all of them

She'll bake brownies or cookies or cupcakes, usually having something waiting for when her wives come home

Unfortunately this has resulted in issues where they eat the sweets and are 'too full' for dinner like a bunch of children, so Chandler has been forced to hide them until they eat their dinner

Its at times like those where Chandler really questions why she chose to marry these fools

She doesn't have a favorite thing to make, however

Cookies are fun because each of her wives have a different kind they like best, with cupcakes she can decorate each one, same thing with cakes on a larger scale, brownies just taste so fucking good, the list goes on

Favorite kind of cookie:

Chandler - Red Velvet

Duke - Chocolate with chocolate chips

Mac - Sugar with White Chocolate chips

Veronica - Oatmeal Raisin

Whenever she pulls those out the other three visibly recoil in disgust

She doesn't see what's wrong with them, they taste good

Veronica's parents were the type to not give their kids sweets so she grew up with oatmeal raisin

Gardening is also a habit of hers

As part of her weekly routine she spends a day working in the yard, pulling weeds and the like

Its become something she really enjoys and a point of pride for her

She had made this really cute set of outdoor working clothes and a big sun hat, and dons those before getting to work

There's a lot to do to make sure her yard is as beautiful as possible

She is very very particular about it and will not let her wives touch anything under fear of sleeping on the couch

Her garden is filled with flowers, mostly ones that have their colors and of course some heathers

Sometimes while she works in the yard she lets Munchkin run around with her, just to get some time outside and eat fresh grass

But she has to keep an eye on him, he has literally no sense of self-preservation and will go right up to anyone or anything that catches his interest, including the neighbor's German Shepard who could eat him whole in two bites

The only thing she can't do herself is dealing with bugs

If she sees a wasp or god forbid a spider she screams at the top of her lungs and runs inside

Most of the time she has to call JD to get him to deal with it

She has a personal vendetta against the ants

No matter what product she uses, no matter how many exterminators she calls or anti-ant plants she plants, they always come back and make ugly piles on her perfect lawn, and it pisses her off

This has resulted in her kicking over the ant piles multiple times in frustration, which has a predictable outcome

She has a guilty pleasure, being bad TV Reality Drama shows, stuff like Survivor or the Bachelor

If she finished everything else she needed to do she'll sit on the couch with some popcorn and pull up an episode

She gets super into it, yelling and screaming at the TV because a character made a stupid decision

Several times one of her wives have come home and heard the yelling and feared the worst, only to see Chandler shaking with rage on the couch, popcorn spilled all over the floor

Heather Duke:

Reading is something that was denied to Duke for the longest time

With her untreated dyslexia, she found books almost impossible to read, not helped by her parents berating her for having trouble with it

She came to hate books for a time, seeing them as yet another sign of how much farther behind she was than everyone else

But with their untimely murders and Duke's subsequent diagnosis and acquisition of special glasses to help her, she is finally able to enjoy reading

She's taken one of the many empty rooms in their mansion and turned it into a library for her and Veronica (the others don't like reading)

They got a faux fireplace installed (Chandler refused to have a live fire inside her home) and installed shelves on every wall

One half of the room is Veronica's, the other her's

They both have very different organizations, however

Veronica, for some ungodly reason, decided to organize her collection by the color of the spine, making a rainbow across her shelves

While Duke does like the gay TM it confuses her as to how she finds whatever book she's looking for

Duke, like the reasonable person she is, organizes hers by alphabetized title

Sometimes Veronica will mess them up and put some in the wrong places, this usually occurring after Duke did something to annoy her, and she gets just so mad

They decked out the room with comfy couches and other decor

The room became a calming place for her and Veronica

If one of them got upset at something or someone they would head into the room and plop down with a good book

JFK also hangs out here 99% of the time, curling up on the masses of heat that come there sometimes

Duke really doesn't like furry animals, but she makes an exception for JFK because he literally doesn't do anything besides lay near her for heat

Back to actual reading, once Duke was able to without difficulty, she became engrossed with books

She went to Barnes and Noble and came back with so many bags that Mac had to come help her carry it all to the house

She then basically locked herself in the library for a week and only stopped to eat and go to the bathroom

Eventually Chandler got so worried that she literally dragged Duke out of there and had to set limits on her reading time

Duke reads literally anything she could get her hands on

Children's series, YA Novels, Mystery, Romance, Drama, if it had a cover and back and pages in the middle she read it

Eventually she started to be drawn to certain genres, but she'll still read anything that catches her eye

This makes her super easy to buy gifts for, just go to the bookstore and pick out any book and theres a 99.9% chance she'll love it

Her and Veronica will spend hours sitting around just talking about different books

Mac tries to follow along but gets lost really quickly while Chandler scrolls on her phone while calling them nerds

Duke also really enjoys crossword puzzles

The only reason that they get a newspaper in the year of our lord 20XX is so Duke can do the puzzle

Chandler calls her grandma whenever she sees her trying to complete it

Her love for them started when they had a power outage during a bad storm, and while looking for things to do Duke found the newspaper from that morning (she was that bored)

She had originally intended to look through the comics, but she saw the crossword and decided why the hell not

It turns out those things are really freaking hard

Duke knew about a third of the answers and between the rest of them they were able to figure out a few more, but she was frustrated that she, a full grown adult, was not able to do something as simple as a crossword puzzle, so she vowed to keep doing them until she could get them all without having to google the answers or ask for help

She still hasn't even gotten close, but that doesn't stop her from trying

Duke also has a penchant for causing chaos in their household

This mostly comes in the form of bothering Chandler

Of course there was the putting Cornelius in her makeup cabinet incident, but there are plenty of other examples

There was the day she hid and waited for Chandler to pass by only to shoot her with a nerf gun and run away, resulting in Chandler dragging Mac and Veronica to the store to buy some of their own to get revenge

When they get back there's a full on nerf war

Mac and Veronica quickly turn on Chandler and then each other, resulting in a four way battle

Veronica breaks a lamp with her nerf sword

Eventually they become exhausted and give up, doing their best to pick up all of the darts

They didn't do the greatest job however, and to this day they are still finding darts in the most random of places

There was another time she and her partner in crime JD pulled a prank on Chandler by forcing her to sit between them during UNO

During the game they would sneak +4 cards out of their pockets and only use them on Chandler, and if someone played a reverse card the other one would start using the cards on her

She ended up with like 50 cards in her hand before she saw JD pull a card out of his pocket, and when she did she became enraged, threw her hand at JD and stormed off

Once they went do putt-putt golf when they were on vacation, and every time it was Duke's turn she would 'accidentally' knock Chandler's ball away from the hole

Chandler ended up chasing her around the course, swinging her club at her

They ended up getting kicked out

Duke doesn't do these things because she hates Chandler or because she's trying to be malicious, they're meant as silly harmless things which are meant to get a laugh out of the four of them

While Chandler does get ticked off she gets over it really quickly because she knows that this is just Duke's way of showing love, despite how weird of a method it is

And Duke goes after Chandler instead of the others because Mac wouldn't take it well and would probably start thinking that Duke hates her and start crying, and Veronica wouldn't get agitated and would probably join in, and that's not the reaction she's looking for

Heather McNamara:

Her biggest hobby is probably Pokemon

I honestly wouldn't even call it a hobby, its one of her special interests

Mac is autistic and because of that she tends to hyperfixate on certain things, and Pokemon is one of them

She lives and breathes Pokemon

She will play the games over and over again, dozens of times each

She's the kind of person who tends to plan out her team before she starts playing, and she keeps a record of every team she's ever used

She also nicknames all of her Pokemon

We would be here all day if I listed all of her teams, so I'll just list her first ever team, which was when she played through X Version when she was 8 or 9

There was Fluffy the Delphox, Majesty the Pidegot, Tiny the Blastoise (he was tiny, just not so much after he evolved), Chan-Chan the Lucario (Lucario reminded her of Chandler, both being strong and protective), Shiny the Ampharos and Rainbow the Xerneas

She's literally memorized the Pokedex, ask her about any Pokemon and she could tell you their type, how/if they evolve, both the national and regional dex numbers, what prominent trainers use them, and so on and so forth

Her bedroom is covered in hundreds of Pokemon plushes, to the extent that she cannot sleep in her bed because of how covered it is

It's not like she slept in that bad anyway, why would she when she could sleep with her wives, but even if she wanted to sleep in her own bed she couldn't

She's trying to collect at least one plush for each Pokemon, but it's hard

They make plenty of merch for Pikachu and the starters, but most pokemon aren't so lucky, having only a singular one made years ago

She searches comic-cons, Ebay, really shady websites that promise to send stuff directly from Japan if she puts in her social security number and the last 3 digits on the back of her credit card, but she has very little luck

She also bought those giant plushes from the Pokemon Center, the Spheal, Mareep and who can forget the giant Furret *insert Furret walking music here*

She's watched the entire anime at least twice, which is no easy feat with its 1200ish episodes, not including movies and specials and all that other crap

Another one of her special interests is My Little Pony

(Just a heads up, I know very little about MLP, I'm just gotta try my best here)

Its another piece of media that she was exposed to at a very young age and became enamored with

It was a world she could turn to to escape her mother, one where problems were solved with the power of friendship and where everything turned out alright in the end

Even once her mother fucked off and Mac found an actual real friend, she still enjoyed watching the show

Her favorite Pony is Fluttershy bc she's yellow and the most kind (I think)

She'll still watch the show from time to time

Its her comfort show, if she's upset or agitated or whatever she'll go to her room and put in a DVD

She collects the plushes from the show just like with Pokemon, but thankfully there are only 6? ones

She got really upset when Generation 4 was canceled and she thinks that Gen 5 is stupid and looks terrible

Mac loves animals

Imagine that scene from Frozen where Kristoff sings that Reindeers are better than people but replace Reindeers with animals and Sven with Munchkin and you have Mac's outlook on life (aside from her wives of course)

Her volunteer work at the animal shelter is mostly done so she can play with all the animals

Duke doesn't really like furry creatures and while she's ok with Munchkin and JFK she only barely tolerates Heather Catler so there's no way she can get any more pets, so she gets her fix while doing volunteer work

They are always in need of help, no matter the circumstances there is always more work to be done then there are people to do it, so they are extremely thankful for her help

The animals at the shelter all love her, mostly because she sneaks them treats

She'll do what she needs to do and spend the rest of the time playing, petting, snuggling, just generally doing whatever with all the cats and dogs

Animals also seem to just like Mac

Maybe its her bright friendly demeanor or because she knows how to handle animals, but most will just come up to her and be friendly

She spends a lot of her free time doing research on animals

Before adopting Munchkin she spent several weeks watching videos and reading articles on the best way to care for a rabbit and what she could do to ensure that he lives the most enriching life

While she has less control at the shelter, she still did her research to see what the animals would like best and what to avoid

Veronica Sawyer:

Veronica has a spending problem

She calls it a hobby but its a problem

Her parents weren't exactly the richest growing up, so the transition to having seemingly endless money was a hard one

A hard one for the four of their's shared bank account which now has to deal with Veronica constantly buying shit

But fr Veronica was initially hesitant to spend any money that wasn't hers

She had grown up in a household where money was tight sometimes and they couldn't always afford to waste money on non-essentials, but now she's in a situation where her wives told her to just buy what she wanted

They have a shared account that all of their credit cards are linked too, which Chandler is in charge of paying off

Once she got over the initial awkwardness she started spending like crazy

The main target of her urge is pokemon cards

Its like gambling for her, and no matter how many times Chandler tells her that it would be easier and cheaper to just buy the cards she wants outright Veronica will still buy packs

Every time they go to a store with Pokemon cards Veronica will buy some

She doesn't even know how to play the game, she just buys packs

She has literal boxes upon boxes of commons sitting in her room just collecting dust

Its not limited to cards, she'll also buy funko pops, anime collectibles, books and the like

The Heathers collect all these things too to some extent but the sheer amount Veronica buys is crazy

Its not a financial issue for the Heathers, they have more than enough, its a space issue

Veronica's room is simply not big enough to hold everything, and Chandler refuses to have any of her "nerd shit" in places where guests could see

Its gotten to the point that Veronica's room is less of a room and more of a closet or storage unit

One of the things she spends money on had become its own hobby

Veronica is one of those adults who spends just a ridiculous amount of money on LEGO

She of course had some as a kid but it was a rare treat and not something she was able to get very often, so now that she had money she buys whatever she wants

The LEGO store at the mall knows her by name with how often she comes in and lets her know of any deals or promotions that are coming up

She buys all of those really big expensive sets and puts them on display in her office

Her favorites are the Colosseum and the Eiffel Tower

Fun fact: The Lego Eiffel Tower is only 7 Inches Shorter than Duke

She's 5'3 and the set is 4'8

She had to build it in the living room because of how much space it was taking up, and as it grew taller and taller Duke became even more flabbergasted

She could not believe that she was almost shorter than a fucking LEGO set

At the LEGO store you can build your own minifigures and one time she made one for each of the Heathers and herself

Chandler said that she thought it was stupid but Veronica caught her admiring it and smiling not even 5 minutes later

She also has a pretty big passion for anime

It was something she got into during high school, not because of anyone or anything, mostly just because she was interested

She's watched almost all of the major animes and many of the lesser-known ones, and she tries to share this love with her wives

One time she decided to sit down and watch all of One Piece without taking a break

She stayed on the couch for almost 2 weeks, only stopping to go to the bathroom, refill on snacks, and sleep for a few hours

Besides those times she was basically cationic and the Heathers began to get really worried

She only stopped and rejoined the world of the living when Mac started crying

Her favorite kinds of anime are those that are really messed up

If it doesn't have some kind of twist or premise that makes you wanna vomit then she probably isn't gonna enjoy it as much

Things like Neon Genesis Evangelion, Serial Experiments Lain, Psycho Pass or Devilman Crybaby

Of course watching these shows does not help her sleep problems but she's a bad bitch she don't care

She has to watch these kinds of shows alone

One time Duke came into the living room while she was watching one of the many disturbing scenes in The End of Evangelion and from the way she looked you'd think she'd just come back from Vietnam

#heathers #heathers the musical #heather chandler #heather duke #heather mcnamara #veronica sawyer #poly!heathers+veronica #poly!heathersxveronica #heathers headcannons #heathers au

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