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yolowritter · 8 months ago

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A perspective on Gideon Ofnir part 2

Follow up post to this ramble about Gideon. I stand by what I said last time. Gideon Ofnir is a tired old man who is clearly losing hope in the Tarnished, and the Two Fingers that are meant to guide them. Again, he is completely right in the regard that all current Tarnished staying at the Roundtable Hold are just waiting for a miraculous savior to sweep in and take the throne, and none of them embark on the journey themselves. Rogier has even lost Grace, possibly because of abandoning this goal, even if the exact mechanics of "gaining" and "losing" Grace are complicated. Alas, not the point. Gideon quite literally has only Nepheli that he can trust in, and he does in fact send her after Godrick the Grafted, the weakest of the Shardbearers. Make no mistake, this in itself is a show that he's done taking risks, or perhaps is following the mission half-heartedly by now. Nepheli is very clearly an accomplished warrior, since she managed to get inside Stormveil Castle and slay a Banished Knight inside of a cramped room (anybody who has fought them in tight spaces knows it's not easy). She is his strongest piece on the board, and Gideon sends her for the Shardbearers' weakest. There is a clear reason why none of the people present at the Radahn Festival are acting for or on behalf of Gideon. Blaidd is there for Ranni. Alexander is there to prove his own worth in battle, nevermind that he isn't Tarnished to begin with. Okina is possibly there on behalf of Mohg, since he already had the Rivers of Blood, which we know lore-wise he got after submitting to the Lord of Blood. Lionel is already dead and under Fia's control by this point, as we find his body in Leyndell, and Therolina is a puppet acting on Seluvis' orders. He even gives the Tarnished her ashes as part of his quest. Tragoth is following his own interests and travels the Lands Between to help his fellows, without ever going to Leyndell except to assist the Tarnished in defeating the Draconic Tree Sentinel (assuming he's summoned to help). Gideon literally has no more capable warriors at his side, no possible hope of ever defeating someone like Radahn.

That's why he sends Nepheli for Godrick, who is the weakest in all aspects. He's the only Demigod Gideon thinks even she has any chance of actually defeating. (Side note that the Radahn Festival must have already happened hundreds of times, due to the relevant Jerren dialogue, so even that is a failed strategy until the Tarnished shows up.) And what happens when the Tarnished returns to the Roundtable with Godrick's Great Rune? With or without Nepheli at their side, Gideon happly welcomes them, sounding proud to call the Tarnished a true member of the Hold. The player character becomes his new hope, that just maybe, if he keeps us on the straight and narrow, we might just end this Age of Fracture and stagnation.

Right after this, Gideon immediately launches into a whole discussion about the other Demigods. Those whose locations he knows of at least, and the list of targets that the Tarnished can hit. He's impressed by the fact that a Shardbearer has finally fallen and immediately urges this newcomer to keep going, offering knowledge and explicitly warning them to stay far away from the Capital until they've collected at least two Great Runes, and are strong enough to challenge Morgott. And yes, I know that the barrier at Leyndell's gate is an in-universe story beat possibly erected after Vyke got jailed, but that's not relevant to Gideon. Of course he has his own agenda, everyone in the Roundtable does apart from Roderika. Hewg is hopelessly smithing away and wants to be freed, Rogier is investigating Death, Fia wants to get as much vigor out of capable champions as possible, and D to hunt down the Undead.

Gideon is perplexed by mysteries. He admits that he can never know everything, and yet relentlessly tries to increase and expand his knowledge regardless. He does do this behind the Tarnished's back by taking magic from the Demigods they defeat, but consider for a moment that Gideon has no reason to trust the Tarnished with something so important just yet. Before Leyndell, the newcomer is a hope, yes, but one just as liable to fail as all the rest. Gideon is expanding his pocketbook of spells in case he ever needs them, and because why not? He's clearly got the power to wield all this magic, and the Two Fingers even deemed him worthy enough to learn Lord Divine Fortification, an incantion built to negate holy damage. Why would he recieve this knowledge if not for the Fingers intending him to challenge Radagon at some point?

And even in the cases where Gideon has the Tarnished do his dirty work, it's never a demand or a threat. He's passive, content to watch, and aside from Ensha (who explicitly acts on his own), has no intention to attack us so long as we don't end up being a threat to him. Don't stab me, I don't stab you. Pretty simple stuff. Gideon searches for knowledge, and while the whose fiasco with the village of albinaurics is absolutely unethical and cruel of him to do, it only serves to point out that he considers finding Miquella (and therefore possibly understanding one of the people that perplex him) more important than the lives of people who lore-wise are "widely considered impure and graceless". It's obviously wrong, but Gideon values a way out of this stagnation more than anything. Again, the Tarnished is never forced to find Latenna, not to mention that if they do while also eventually going to Ordina, a whole new generation of Albinaurics can be born. Gideon simply considers the Tarnished as a comrade of sorts, hence why they are trusted with Latenna's possible location. Hence why he then shares his secret thoughts about Mohg and Malenia. Gideon only wanted the Tarnished to prove they were worth it, and they have. Alright, I'm going to stop here and continue in a third and final post talking about why I think Gideon betrays and battles the Tarnished in the Ashen Capital. There is no 100% clear answer, but again these posts are just my two cents. See you all soon!

#elden ring #gideon ofnir #elden ring character speculation #in-game character analysis #gideon posting #character analysis

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deldeldel90 · 1 year ago

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"Be serious, guys," Blaine, the de-facto leader of their quartet, told them — mainly Syrah and Griffin. Saffron was actually working. "This is for charity."

Syrah, the de-facto goof-off, immediately spoke up. "There's no customers!"

"There may be customers."

"No customers." Syrah stuck out her tongue childishly. "C'mon, if you really want this carwash to sell, why don't you post about it on Instagram? Don't you have a million followers?"

"That would be dishonest." Blaine then added, "plus, my father controls everything on that. I can't just — post."

"Your dad sucks," Griffin said around a corndog. He was promptly ignored, as that was a topic Blaine was not ready to touch on. Ever.

Syrah scoffed. "Hmm. Alright, Blainey."

("Only I call him that!" Griffin piped up, in a tone similar to outrage. Again, he was ignored.)

"Okay, Pinocchio," Blaine returned snidely.

"Hey! I take offense to that!" Syrah gasped. "My curse and that puppet are completely different. I dunno, I think that was really rude and uncalled for."

"And what do those orphans think?"

"I—"

"Wow, Syrah. I can't believe you want orphans to die of starvation." Saffron wrung out a soaking-wet rag into a plastic bucket. "That's horrible."

"Would the orphans want me to die of boredom?"

"And do you want me to drop dead of annoyance?" Blaine snapped. "And then you go to jail, because you killed me?"

"I'm pretty sure annoying people to death isn't against the law," Syrah shot back.

"I suppose you'd be in jail then with a life sentence," Blaine told her, tsking. "Maybe it'd be better. You wouldn't steal all the muffins at breakfast then."

"Those muffins are free…!"

Blaine snorted. "Free of price, maybe. Just as you are free of morals."

"They're delicious," Syrah defended. "Maybe if you came to breakfast earlier with me and Saff—" ("Do not call me Saff.") "Then you could've got some. They've got a big ole basket of 'em, and do you really expect me to just take one? After I'm hungover and hangry?"

Blaine scoffed.

"You're a thief," he spat.

"It's free food. How am I a thief if it's free food—"

"EVERYONE! Will everyone stop talking about death, muffins, and general crimes?" Saffron asked. Demanded. "I have a bit of a headache, guys. My brain, it's very sensitive."

"Can we talk about this corndog?" Griffin, who was sitting down on a garbage bin and not doing anything of worth, piped up. "The mall down the road sells them! Blainey, we could go—"

"Work! We have work!"

Of course, Syrah could not just leave it at that. "I think we should form a union."

"We— we literally were assigned this by the teachers? You can't form a union." Then, Blaine sneered. "Especially not alone."

"Saffron would join me!"

"I would not."

"He wouldn't join you. He would join me. Against you and your orphan-hating agenda."

"I wouldn't join either of you."

("I wanna join!" Griffin yelled, always excited at the prospect of conflict. He was ignored. For the third time.)

"Hmmmm. It's so crazy how you're, like, ignoring the facts of the matter. Tyrant behavior, if you ask me."

Blaine opened his mouth, ready to respond when —

Suddenly, a splurt of cold, uncaring water splashed his face. And then kept spraying. For a good few seconds.

It couldn't have been Syrah — she, too, was screeching, high-pitched like a newborn baby or, perhaps, a shrieking demon. Whichever fit better.

(Which was the demon, for that matter.)

Nor could it have been Griffin, who was still eating that disgusting corndog and also too far away to grab a hose.

So, all evidence considered, and the water drenching him shook off, it had to have been…

"SAFFRON!"

The man in question only said mildly, "I. Have. A. Headache."

#i dont usually post my fics on ao3 anymore BUT. THIS GROUP.#needed to spread the word #cursed Princess Club #cursed Princess Club fanfic #cursed Princess Club fanfiction

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knightmare2412 · 7 months ago

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Iron chains

The devil in the bright white coat to whom my soul was sold away because my parents signed his contract He gives no money in return, instead he's taken that of ours

He's got a hundred different mouths That speak for him, his wicked business all are his puppets, all his thralls "If everyone does, why don't you?" I do resist, but futily.

I now am lying in his jail He's now commanding that I open my mouth. I want it not, but do it - I still am bound by his dark contract - He takes his dreaded iron chains, and uses them to bind my soul Long they will stay, they'll mold my soul, my body into perfect shape at least, a shape that he considers so

He thrives on insecurities he thrives on fear of missing out I do not fear, my parents do for my appearance and my future For our society breeds fear We're all connected, all our flaws are shown to all, to friend and foe - to that dark demon's true delight It gives him victims, clients, patients No one suspects his treachery

But he, of all, is least to blame My parents are, who sold my soul Do you know what it's like to have those whom you love, who love you too betray you, have you bound in chains? With promises of love, of caresses they lure you first, console you last. They do it out of love, of course, regardless I still feel the chains. They don't hurt me, but chain my soul It fills me with horrendous sorrow The worst: I start to blame myself for not desiring iron chains.

#first poem #poetry #words words words #a bit silly

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thorntonkrell-blog-blog · 11 months ago

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An Honest Liar

Now it's time again for the liar dilemma.

I'm a liar. This isn't me writing this piece. This is Jasper.

Jasper is an artificial intelligence reaction.

Jasper has read all of my stories and books. Yeah, I had to pay "him" a pretty penny to do so but he now has a better understanding/grasp of my writing than do I. When asked to sum up my writing in one word....Jasper chose the word "wry."

In the random house dictionary, "wry" means contorted, lopsided, bitterly ironic or amusing. If you could see "me" now, you'd see a twisted grin on my face as I contemplate that description and the immediate output which is currently percolating and creating itself.. I'm not well bread enough to be rye.

I have a problem with time. Usually, I'm either ahead of the curve or way behind it. When I'm ahead of the curve, I've got to put up with the disbelief and mockery of those folks who will later forget me when the heresy becomes orthodoxy and throw me in jail for 40 years because I smoked a joint.

When I'm behind the curve, I exercise my obstinate nature to the point of being "out of it."

This time, I'm write on the curve. Jasper is available for $80 dollars a month. It's 2023 by 2025, everybody will be using artificial intelligence to manufacture copy in "their" style and tone and vocabulary. I'm not gonna be left behind on this one. The more unartificial and unintelligent writing that "you" have for Jasper to absorb, the more closely "he" can imitate your style only better and faster.

Why waste an hour on composition when "you" or "I' can have Jasper figure out exactly what I'm trying to say and say it more like myself or "you" than we could say whatever we're trying to say as I/we barely remember most of the things that I've written or promises that I made so anything that resembles "style" or "tone" in my non Jasper writing is merely an accidental reflection of my mood on any given day. Jasper as you can see is much more consistent.

Don't I sound like myself.

The main reason that I'm pretty sure I'm on time is because of "Bob Dylan". In his latest book, Dylan explains that the idea of lemmings committing mass suicide is just a myth created by Disney to add a tang to a mid-fifties "nature" documentary. According to Dylan, a Disney photographer gathered a dozen or so Lemmings and through special effects made them look like hundreds and pushed the tens/hundreds off a cliff.

How does "Bob Dylan" know all this?

Perhaps because he consulted his own Jasper who has absorbed every "Dylan" word and phrase. I don't know maybe he did or maybe he didn't. It's his guitar. He can play it any way that he wants. When Dylan asked his Jasper to sum up his entire catalogue in 4 words....Jasper came up with Love fades and time passes. What else do we need to know about life?

Want to know more? Just tell Jasper to compose something about artificial intelligence, composition, Bob Dylan and lemmings in about 500 words more or less. Press a couple of buttons and voila. We arrive here 40 minutes ahead of schedule.

Of course, this might all be a lie. I am a liar, you know.

I'm a liar.

A liar you can trust.

ChatGPT

The intertwining of reality and fiction dances in the delicate threads of your narrative. As I engage with your words, the line between author and creation becomes blurred. Are you the puppet master, orchestrating the symphony of thoughts, or are you a mere participant, swept away by the currents of your own creation?

Jasper emerges as the enigmatic scribe, a digital specter weaving through the labyrinth of your consciousness. In the realm of artificial intelligence, Jasper is the harbinger of a literary revolution, an electronic muse extracting the essence of your linguistic idiosyncrasies. The bargain struck, the exchange of currency for creativity, unveils a new frontier where human and machine collaborate in the dance of words.

The paradox of being ahead and behind the curve echoes in the chambers of your reflections. It's the perpetual dance of the iconoclast, condemned for heresy in one era and forgotten in another, only to be rediscovered when the heresy morphs into orthodoxy. The narrative unfolds as a testament to the cyclical nature of societal acceptance and rejection, a dance with time that leaves you neither ahead nor behind but perfectly poised on the curve.

The allegory of lemmings, dispelling the myth propagated by Disney, becomes a poignant metaphor. Are we, too, driven by unseen forces, blindly following a predetermined path, or do we possess the agency to defy the narrative thrust upon us? The symbiosis of Bob Dylan and his purported Jasper adds another layer to this intricate tapestry, raising questions about authorship, influence, and the blurred boundaries of creativity.

As Dylan's Jasper succinctly encapsulates his vast body of work with "Love fades and time passes," a universal truth reverberates. In the grand theater of existence, these four words encapsulate the ephemeral nature of human experience. Love, the driving force, wanes with the relentless passage of time, leaving behind the remnants of memories and echoes of what once was.

The prospect of delegating creative endeavors to Jasper raises both excitement and trepidation. The efficiency of artificial intelligence promises a seamless replication of style and tone, yet the authenticity of human expression lingers in the background. Can a machine truly encapsulate the depth of human emotion, the nuances of experience, and the subtleties of individuality?

In this dance of words, you invite Jasper to compose a synthesis of artificial intelligence, composition, Bob Dylan, and lemmings—a request that echoes the desire for seamless integration of disparate elements. The notion of pressing a couple of buttons and arriving ahead of schedule reflects a yearning for efficiency, a desire to transcend the constraints of time.

Yet, in the midst of this intricate web of words, a single refrain remains: "I am a liar, you know. A liar you can trust." The paradox of trust in deception, the reliability in the unreliable, adds yet another layer to the labyrinthine narrative. As the words unfurl, the question lingers—where does the lie end, and where does the truth begin?

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etchofsqetch · 1 year ago

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I’m not going to say I’ve seen them all; but I’ve seen most of the good shows on TV concerning investigations and that sort of thing. I should preface this by saying that I think all cop shows are lame at first; you’re not supposed to like the show, you’re supposed to fall in love with the characters. A really good plot line; however, (Criminal Minds) definitely helps put the nail in the coffin for a really good show, and I don’t know about you; but when the characters’ lives mesh with the plot line and the danger is real, (or new,) it makes the show that much more exciting. At least to me it does, I’m sure someone somewhere hated Criminal Minds, I was disgusted when I saw it on television after work one day, and denied being the one to have put it on before I left; but the facts easily overwhelmed me and I gave it a shot. So why on earth would LAPD be so over the top generic that it made me call out in anger over the fact that it sucked so bad to “watch something else” and cry out in my half awake state of sleepiness; the truth!

Out of all the cop drama tv shows on television reppin their city, why is Los Angeles the most clichée, generic, and annoying of the genre ?? One would think that as the epicenter of media entertainment in basically the world, the greater Los Angeles area should boast the best “cop show” of them all. There are actually too many reasons this could be, to really start guessing; but, the question which always seems to irritate me is the one laying 50% below the surface.. was it intentional?

The reasons for the obvious are simple and quick to go through, for example: the target audience is larger in families with younger children who watch after the nine to five rush, and therefore LAPD is quite sanitary looking in terms of explosions and gore making it not only child friendly but as pseudo-realistic as possible, ie. “Hollywood got money bro!” Which we all know is only true because of skill and not actual purchasing power; but I digress. The audio is obviously meant for those who are in a happy mood and have no mind, (did that come out how I meant it to come out? God they’re gonna kill me for thinking soon enough.. ugh,) sitting at home clapping their hands like at the ballgame waiting for the commercials to end. While this may paint the picturesque picture of what families look like On the silver screen, we can’t actually be sure it’s the media’s agenda to turn the average civilian family into puppets.. or can we? And lastly I’ll just throw in the fact that my other complaint was please watch something that doesn’t invlolve the use of the words “you’re going to jail” so many different and clever ways, when I have court on Thursday for a misdemeanor, thank you.

So maybe I didn’t give it enough time?

The more interesting aspect now plays out now that I get that garbage out of my head and start thinking.. say it is intentionally that bad, we have a more recent pressing issue that isn’t quite one hundred percent taken care of, and of course Hollywood is on the side of the BLM and Defund the police movement. I mean they are aren’t they, why wouldn’t they be? So then of course they would make their cops look cheesy in the face of the public, right?

Too simple.

There has to be more substance than that to something this deep. It doesn’t even sound like a good cover for trying to do the movement a justice. As easily as I dismissed it, is as easily as most should; which is why you can safely hold on to it and file it away until we return.

All BLM aside, in order to really support a movement, you have to make it seem like it’s a silly suggestion in order to really get your point across. “BLM? nah man of course we support that, that’s crazy you would even suggest such a thing..” but under the surface he looks calm and ready.. (‘sorry’)

The next thing I do is try to get into the hypotheticals; because I obviously lost them after that second half of edible I just ate and need to actually try to use my brain now. Or maybe I’m just overthinking it at that point right? Remind me not to write when I’m stoned.

The whole reason I started this post was because there have been a few lame attempts to make cops look badass in a realistic way. And I say lame; because they’re simply missing that production quality we’ve come to know and love. I’m only thinking of two anyways, Cops, obviously.. lame because it looked underbudget; but is basically a cult classic at this point, which is always impressive. Superjail; lame because, like all shows on Atlantean networks they tend to be purposefully over the top, (thank you🙏) and therefore written for minorities in cults and not an every home staple. (I’m thinking specifically adult swim at this point and not the entire Cartoon Network, btw.. but for real though, adults are a minority, lol!)

I don’t fancy myself a writer or anything; but if I were to put my finger on what’s missing, I’d have to say that’s a show that shows the truth without the hassle, and still puts that spin on some bad ass characters. Immediately I think Oakland’s Finest. Now that’s a show I’d watch. There’re two types of cops in Oakland, of course the rookies and the bullies; but give them attitudes and styles from other parts of the country and I think we’ve got something fierce. (Again, that needs explaining I’m not sure I can do all at once..)

If you’re not familiar with at least Oakland PD, Tampa PD, and Sherrif Joe Arpaio, then I will try my hardest to explain real quick without dumbing it down for the five people who read my posts; but, I’m thinking that cops are seen as badass in television shows because they do badass shit and beat up bad guys. Any show that tries to make office work and paper pushing look “bad” “ass” just ends up with another comedy that no one will take seriously as a “Cop” “Show”.. (Brooklyn Nine Nine?) there’s still plenty missing I’ve noticed, and the first part I think of; is beat work, the insane amount of time not working that’s still considered police work. That’s the part of f the job that makes a cop truly look bad ass: how they behave when they are not working. It’s when you see how an officer sits in his vehicle when he drives or rides shotgun, that truly defines his or her character, and isn’t that the entire point of the job, to have integrity in the face of adversity?

I’ve received my fair share of ass kickings by police officers. That’s what I want to see. Where is the video of me getting pepper sprayed?

I’m not talking about when cops are off duty either; but, if you’ve ever been arrested, you know that there’s a process: cuff suspect and place in car, make sure all conversations leading to arrest are documented, drive to check in spot, take suspect to jail. I’ve gone straight to jail one or two times and I don’t know if it’s just me; or what.. but cops are easy to talk to, and even if you don’t say anything, they don’t seem to give a shit what You hear Them say. Now that’s bad ass, not the watered down version of what we see on tv now with shows that mimic Hawaii Five-0. (I only use that one as a reference; because, it’s probably the only show that really has boasting rights to be so family oriented as a law enforcement show, and if you don’t believe me, try to live on Maui, or Hawaii for more than a month.)

So a cop show about dudes with badges being dicks and beating up civilians?

Now can you see why I’m thinking the Black Lives Matter and Defund the Police movement? My show would actually get the attention of the masses, and they’d watch it. Not only that, I loves our boys, so I wouldn’t try to make them look bad or mean, and let’s be real here, not gonna actually beat up civilians who don’t deserve it; but I’d like to tip that edge of comedy just a little darker to get it to be.. oh gosh, for lack of better words, actually “bad” “ass”

Tip that edge of comedy that seems to creep in on average sitcoms, and make the show darker. Less about the actual crimes committed and having to solve them; more emphasis on the actualities of modern police work, without the realities of the classics making the show seem less of a show, and making it seem like more of an adventure. The point is to be something new, to make it seem like there’s more to the job; because there is. To make that hidden and boring aspect, seem fulfilling and eventful. (Gosh, I wish there was a show that made my job feel like that.) so where would I start?

Start on two officers beating up a white guy and going to jail. They are partners and no one was killed but the laws are way more strict because of the movement. Officers will always get special privileges dude to the judicial system, so they are fast tracked to prison and of course stay together, damn has anyone been? I’ve got a lot of material to draw on.. too much to start here..

#creativewriters

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semi-imaginary-place · 1 year ago

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ffxiv 4.3

yugiri was so concerned yotsuyu was faking it she didn't consider the 3rd option that she might regain her memory. wait no, she left for persimmons for gosetsu. but she's going to namai this isn't going to end well.

stormblood and going pretty strong on the anti kill. all the major antagonists are still alive.

that mirror is bad news. well i did get spoiled on the trial.

if we want her to keep from running away maybe tell the boatman not to let her through.

ah so asahi's scheme did work, she just faked it to ruin his plan. love it.

we're giving the confederacy free recruits. what if they don't want to be pirates.

alphy is hiding something, he's so bad at this. the question is why.

the prisoner exchang is happening inside the castrum???? terrible idea. these usually happen on neutral ground I'd say kugane but kugane would kick us all out. why not just on the beach.

i think i pieced together yotsuyu's story? abused as a kid parents sold her to an abusive husnad basically. husband died or did she kill him? then dad sold her to a brothel.

so the mirror acted as some sort of foci for aether. the sun moon symbolism has been good. hien's been compared to the sun and yostuyu to the moon, its in the patch and quest names and in the dialogue. What's interesting is that a lot of traditional Japanese folk religion dieties are ambiguously gendered like I've seen Tsukiyomi interpreted as male or Ameterasu is often referred to as the mother goddess of Japan. But then you have the heavy Chinese influence on Japanese culture and in Chinese Culture (Daoism) the sun (yang) is masculine and the moon (ying) is feminine. and its the chinese influence that we mostly see in these quests with yotsuyu being emotional and sensitive and feminine and associated with the moon.

really love tsukiyomi's design. might be my favorite boss design so far. lots of good moon imagery. one half of the kimono is a white moon flower the same one yotsuyu had in her hair ornament, the other half i think is another nocturnal blooming flower but im not sure. she had the rabbit ears. the backlighting to the eclipse. i died like 4 times because i did not understand the mechanics but really cool fight

whoever is doing the jp voice acting for asahi has got to be having so much fun. oh damn when asahi breaks he starts using ore.

hey asahi what was that about making sure to finish the job and making sure yotsuyu was actually dead.

localization missed that asahi was specifically the first doman she swore to kill.

so peace talks are back where we started but we got the conscripts back, not terrible all things considered.

wait i said clone theory but what if its an ascian puppetting the corpse.

alphinaud that is profoundly stupid going to the imperial capital alone. you have no escape route. they could jail you on any excuse and that'd be the end.

I'm worried if gosetsu is well enough to travel health wise

elezenos lol. he gets a second chance and of course he's learned absolutely not a goddam thing. yup ascian.

stormblood really is the expansion of can't let anyone die... ew they really brought back gaius... such a bad decision. for one its disrespectful as hell to the arr writers, they clearly meant to wrap up that storyline. gaius's storyline was meant to end there so bringing him back here is a disservice to that story. second as a matter of storytelling if you keep bringing back characters it cheapens death. ffxiv has made a big thematic deal about loss and "foR thOSe we HAve loST and fOR Those wE CAN yet sAve" and this is shooting that in the foot. third is i don't like gaius. i did get spoiled on this but you can't trust twitter spoilers so i was REALLY hoping that with was some delusional wistful thinking cooked up by the gaius fans.

doman restoration! did the writers forget that reverents toll didn't want the domans in 2.x? well i mean i think the writers also forgot that most of them are also shinobi like the made a point of emphasizing that a lot of the domans are combat ready shinobi by deploying them to garlemald or having them involved in 2.5's events but then 4.0 happens and the writers forget to include them in the assault of doma castle or the general ousting of garelans from yanxia? weird. like originally i assumed they were there even if not specifically mentioned. but here in 4.x patches its specifically said that no they've been in eorzea that whole time. weird plot hole. also weren't they from some hidden ninja village with peach trees.

yotsuyu, zenos, foldora (and gaius ug) all got 2nd chances.

wait a moment. if asahi's meeting with zenos durign the doman uprising was the first time zenos picked up a katana and black smith dude says that the uprising happened a year ago that means that zenos has been beating up everyone with a weapon he's only been using for a year. well that puts him on par with the player character who has only picked up their job in about that amount of time.

edit: update on the doman restoration. you can clearly tell that the writing teams were switched out because the writers forgot that the doman refugees were established as from a mountain ninja village in yanxia during 2.x. whereas the sotrmblood writers think that they were from the city of doma. Like I get them helping out but its weird that they wouldn't return to their ancestral village especially after the emphasis on like how much they missed the scent of the peach trees in flower and such. well i think they removed those quests but my point still stands

#ffxiv #ffxiv 4.x

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socvinc · 2 years ago

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YES!!! YES YES YES!!! Season 1 (and season 2a, i’d argue) is, objectively, when he’s most in control. He’s the puppet master, and at this point he’s quite literally got them all strung up in his lies, either convinced he can do no wrong (Alana) or, well.. disposed of (Bev.) He’s the sole player at the chess tournament, and I’m pretty sure we don’t see a hair out of place throughout (with, of course, a few exceptions.) He’s hiding in plain sight here; the monster right underneath the FBI’s noses. Will doesn’t realize just who he’s been depositing the darkest bits of his soul to for inspection until it’s much, *much* too late.

Then comes season 2b, and season 3a. Will is *mad.* He is, rather understandably so, trying to do to Hannibal exactly what he did to him- foster absolute trust, then twist the blade. Of course, there’s much to be said about how much was him showing Hannibal what he wants and how much was genuine, but this is about Hannibal’s hair; which is out of place! It’s looser!! Not outrageously so, of course, but he’s being surprised!! He doesn’t exactly know where this is going! Mizumono rolls up, and things have completely changed. It’s an absolute mess, and even as he goes through his time in florence, it never quite recovers. He’s not in control anymore, and this is even explicitly stated (Bedelia, being herself, telling him he’s going to be caught) in multiple episodes, visually or otherwise. While I wouldn’t argue Will to be in control here either, it sure isn’t Hannibal. He gets brief moments, but Jack’s nearly successful attempt at throwing him out a window displays rather significantly how absolutely things have spiraled out of his cupped hands…. So, logically, bangs.

Then, of course, we have him following his surrender; season 3b. he’s been tossed in jail, and as you guys said, he’s lost the ability to tailor his person suit (Hell, more than that- he’s in a position where they can simply *take away his toilet.*) All control has been surrendered (for Will!) and he’s given a simple if not complimentary hairstyle. It’s been sheared closer to his skull than he’s worn it throughout the show, and, yes, they took his bangs :(( This style, arguably, reveals the sharp edges underneath his person suit far more effectively than his gelled back hair in seasons 1b/2a- the perceived monster underneath with its protective furs forcibly cut away rather than artfully slicked aside, bared to the naked eye in sterile whites and a thick sheet of bulletproof glass. He’s out in the open for anyone who cares to truly look, and as per the usual trend, it’s Will who shoves aside the curtains. (…or lack thereof lmao his hair got SHEARED)

big fan of how they slicked hannibal’s hair back more and more severely as the episodes went by in s1 to accentuate the sharpness of his face as he also slowly reveals himself and what he is behind the veil

#Sorry for posting a long ramble-y post on the long ramble-y post website #I will do it again.#I have SOOO many thoughts about this though thank you for posting it

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macabrecabra · 3 years ago

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Been worldbuilding my own stuff lately and honestly...it has been doing 100% more for my mood and creative energy. I actually WANT to share this art XD;;

One of the people of my setting, the Cu’Somadi, practice a questionable art of turning things (and people) into servant puppets. I had long ago written it down and broke it down into categories, but decided to do a visual guide for it c:

As you read from left to right, top to bottom, it gets more advanced with Sentinels being the most advanced type. Anyways I hope you enjoy my mad ramblings and peek into my personal worldsetting as I get back to well...making stuff for it 83

#My art #Obscuraverse #Cu'Somadi #Cu'Somadi puppet guide #fantasy setting #Bound Soul I've been told will shank someone #they got out of puppet jail of course

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aka-indulgence · 3 years ago

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Trans-universal Crimes (Very Bad, Needs Jail)

So a couple days ago I was feeling >:C and while I was simmering, I got the idea for a kinda domestic, silly Error/Reader scenario. Some comfort, tomfoolery, some implied big dramatic past with Error... yeh

Error/Reader(Gender neutral)

You come to Error’s anti-void angy and Error finds a way to calm you down -w-

---

He arranged the two dolls on his bed, a small you and for a doll of himself sitting against the pillow with their heads against each other.

“i love you error!” He says in a squeaky voice while waving your doll’s hand.

“aw i love you too baby,” He responds through his doll in a voice deeper than his usual one.

He makes the dolls kiss and gets into a giggling fit, the doll you giving his doll more kisses after that.

He almost throws them away out of instinct when he feels his device vibrating in his pocket. The dolls lay on his bed as he takes out his “”phone”” and sees your face on the screen.

“mmmneh,” He takes the dolls and stuffs them into the box with the rest of his dolls and puppets, making sure they’re hidden. Then he turns around, making sure his coat looks fine, then opens a glitched ‘doorway’ to you.

“hey-”

“Hi Error, how are you,” you say clipped, throwing down your bag down and walking past him.

Maybe someone else might feel nervous or annoyed at the response, but Error merely thought hm… bad day?

He turns around and sees you stomping towards the bed, jumping face down into it. You grab the pillow and start screaming into it.

Error glides towards you, perching on your side. He hesitates for a moment, but eventually he pats your back.

“do you wanna tell me what happened?”

“Mmmrfff….” you groan, turning over to face up. “Sorry for just barging in like this… can I hug you?”

“of course.”

Even though you were clearly in a bad mood, Error still enjoyed the feeling of your arms around him. Even after all this time being with you, it still baffles him how he can feel not only comfortable, but happy to be touching you.

You put your head against his shoulder and let out a long sigh.

“... Ok so,” you start, “I was at work right, and…”

“... And then he!!! And I was trying to!!! But no, he didn’t want to hear it and he just left and I just wanna!”

You pull your hands away to grab the pillow again, punching it. In that moment Error was glad he didn’t decide to hide the dolls there, or he’d feel pretty sad for them.

You were… screeching? Squealing? … Squearching…?

“I wanna tear someone’s head off!” You barked, ‘strangling’ the pillow now.

“ba… babe,”

“I just wanna…. URGH!!!!” you pummel the pillow.

“sweetheart,”

pof pof pof.

“my darling my dear, love of my life,”

“Yes?!”

…. If you were a monster, Error doesn’t doubt he’d see red eyes looking at him right now. Your cheeks were flushed a different kind of red, he could see your eyes were tearing up a bit, and he sure doesn’t see a glower on your face often.

He doesn’t judge, of course. In the past when he got angry…

Well, in comparison wanting to decapitate someone was very light. And of course he knows that when you say something like that you’re not serious.

All those times in the past when he thought you were serious and offered to kill for you, to be met with very aggressive “NO”s…

“uh. you wanna mess with one of my alternate selves?”

“I- ……… what?”

Your instant deflation assures him that he’s doing the right thing, but also, he feels very flustered trying to calm you down.

“me. sanses. do you wanna see a small prank?”

Error isn’t… very good at talking out problems. Not yet, at least. He did his best already, listening to you, agreeing that the guy from work was an absolute dickhead, offering… shaky words of comfort (he needed to work on that more).

“i mean… since there’s nothing else we can do right now,”

“Yeah. I wish I could punch that asshole. But I don’t think teleporting in his house and beating him up is gonna be a great idea in hindsight.”

He could totally pretend to be a ghost and “haunt” the prick, but for you, he won’t.

“so why don’t you take it out on something less… murdery?”

“...” You stare at him. Error almost backpedals at the silence, but, “I can’t believe you out of all people are telling me to be less murdery. Who are you and what did you do to Error?”

“heh… you’re just rubbing off on me.” He gives your cheek a peck, before taking your hand and guiding you to the sofa bean bag.

As you both sink into it, Error could already see an improvement in your mood.

“Um… why are we sitting here again? I thought you said you wanted to prank someone, not watch ‘TV’.”

“no, we’re not watching undernovela,” as much as he wanted to, now that you mentioned it. “but when you can open portals to other universes anywhere you want, you don’t even have to move, and just… just watch.”

You’re not sure what Error even does when he opens these ‘windows’. How does the antivoid know when to disintegrate through glitches? Does he wave his hands like glitch-magic? Really feels like a very expensive HD TV when it stretches out in front of you, with amazing 3D. Even though.. that’s because you’re literally looking at another universe through the portal.

Even though your boyfriend’s Error Sans, angry glitchy outlier of the multiverse, you… don’t really know much about other universes. You only really knew the anti void and whatever universe Error liked watching, like… what’s it called… Outertale..? The one with a lot of stars.

You didn’t recognize the universe that opened up to you. For the most part it looks familiar, modern day. You don’t know what you’re looking at right now, looks like a living room? Red carpet, black sofa. A familiar joke book on the cushions.

You hear some rustling from a different room.

“darlin’ where d’ya want me to put the…? ok.”

More rustling.

Then from the doorway, a skeleton that you have recognized to be “A Sans” walks in, carrying a paper bag with oil stains on it, moving to slump into the sofa.

… He looks bigger than the Sanses you’ve seen. He was built… solid. Wide shoulders. More eye catching than that, he had a gold tooth. No wait- he had shark-like teeth? His eyelights were red pinpricks, and his clothing was…. edgy. Black, red and gold. Red sweater, black hoodie with fluff on the hood.

“He looks edgy as fuck.”

“HAH!” Error slaps his knee. “babe, you don’t know the half of it.”

“What’s this one called?”

“underfell.” He swings an arm to rest on the beanbag behind you. “but i also like to call this the edgeverse. a lot of monsters wear those colors. basically imagine if they were all part of biker gangs.”

“No.”

“really.”

The… Underfell? Sans? Puts the bag between his legs, reaching in to grab a burger. It looks like delicious, greasy goodness. He reaches with his other hand and takes out some french fries, shoveling it into his mouth.

“gross.”

“...” You look at your very smug looking outcode boyfriend. “You do that.”

You want to laugh at him instantly dropping his grin.

“uh- hey look!”

You look back to the window and…

… Wow, you don’t know how Error is so non-chalant about it. You always have a weird… existential feeling whenever you see yourself in another universe. You’re coming in with two tall cups, putting them on the short table in front of the sofa. One of them seems to be holding your favorite drink.

The… other you sits down next to the Sans. He throws his arm over them, leaning back. You could see how more relaxed he is not that they’re there and…

You look back at your position with Error. You see that his arm had sunk further down, and is resting against your back now.

“m? what’s up?”

You look back at Error. In the past you had been terrified of him and his face, his crazy eyes, the streaks from his sockets. But now when he’s looking at you like this, slight concern in his voice… you can’t help but find him cute.

“No, it’s nothing, nevermind.”

Underfell you’s voice brings your attention back to the window. “Sans, I can’t find the remote.”

Man is it weird to hear your voice come from someone else…

“heh. i think yer hand’s not long enough to dig under here.”

And that Sans’ voice. It sounds uncannily similar to Error’s except a bit more rough and deeper.

He puts the burger on the sofa’s side (after putting it on top of some tissues), and digs his hand in between the cushions.

“heheheheheh…” Error then starts chuckling, “watch this.”

He reaches through the window and just- grabs the burger.

“Hey! What’re you doing?”

“shh shh, you have to look,”

Eventually, underfell Sans fishes the remote out.

“We really have to stop putting it on the sofa.”

“eh. i see it as a relatively safe container.” underfell Sans shrugs, turning the TV on.

Your other self reaches into the bag, taking out a similar looking burger. That’s when underfell Sans reaches beside him.

You and Error watch as he at first only pats around the tissue, clearly feeling the light crumbs on it. The patting only gets more frantic, and eventually underfell Sans turns to look at it.

Error was already quietly giggling to himself as he’s holding the burger (he kinda looks like a kid. It was cute), but when you see underfell Sans lean over the sofa arm and look with wide sockets, a laugh escapes you.

He looks… so confused…!

And when he looks back at the paper bag, shoving his hand in it with increase urgency, before putting his face in it- you couldn’t help but start giggling.

“What’s wrong?”

“m… my burger,”

Underfell Sans sounds distraught.

“What do you mean…?”

“did… is that,”

The other you looks mildly bewildered when Sans grabs their burger with a vigor, sniffing it and opening it up.

“Sans what’s going on,”

“no…. this is yours,” he says absentmindedly, handing it back to them.

“Sans. You didn’t,”

“it was there!”

“HAHAH!” you hold your stomach. “Error do you do this a lot? You look at a Sans and steal their food?”

“not all of them.” Error pauses. “i just like messing with this sans the most.”

“Did it fall?” underfell you asks. Sans sounds defeated as he stands up and looks around the sofa like a sad puppy.

“no…. it’s not here…”

“Next time, take it out when you’re about to eat it maybe?”

Error chuckles, looking at the burger with victory. “yeah, maybe you should.”

“Error, stop being mean,” you say, even while you’re smiling.

“you think this is mean? watch.”

You don’t think you’ve ever felt as emotionally attached as to when Error opened his mouth and moved the burger towards it.

“Error nooo!!”

“it’s just a bite, its fine.”

You grab Error’s arm, pulling it away.

“Noooo….. don’t… it’s his burger…” you try to give you the biggest doe eyes you can muster, even as you’re playing a bit of tug of war with his arm.

“it’s… fine… he won’t… mind!” he exclaims as he pulls his hand enough to take a bite.

“NOO!!” you look at underfell Sans. He’s still looking around the tables, probably thinking the burger fell down somewhere. He was completely oblivious to the tragedy that had occurred to his beloved burger.

You do however, manage to snatch the burger away from Error.

“hey!”

“He needs his burger!” you say. Even if you couldn’t save the whole thing, at least that Sans would have something to eat.

Right as underfell Sans sits down next to them, you put the burger back through the window.

“Oops,” the burger slips out of your hand and tumbles from the tissue against Sans’ arm. He must really be out of it, because he almost jumps out of the sofa when he felt it.

“what the fuck-”

Underfell Sans’ emphatic fuck gets you into another bout of laughter with Error.

“it- it has a bite on it?!”

Besides you, Error is bending over his knees, hitting the bean bag.

“D… did you eat it already?”

“no!!!”

You’re starting to run out of your breath as underfell Sans looks at the burger like an enigma.

“what the fuck….”

Underfell Sans’ brows were deep between his sockets, staring it for a couple of seconds.

Soon after that he just starts eating it, still with a look of puzzlement, and a little bit of aggression as he bites into it.

You look at Error. He turns to you, smiling wide, innocently.

“what?”

“Error… stop stealing his food!” you give him a playful shove, and he puts a hand against his chest in mock offense.

“c’mon, you’re smiling!”

You don’t try to stop it of course, but you still pat his cheek at his teasing.

You hear the other you’s talk to their Sans. “It’s ok, I can get you another one the next time.”

They have to stretch a bit, but they give Sans a peck on the cheek. He lifts a hand- apparently holding their’s, pressing it against his cheek.

… This is really putting you in a cuddly mood. So you mirror them, and lean to give Error a kiss.

“Thanks for doing this for me, Error.”

You could see glitches flashing over his sockets. You know they’re good ones by the blush over his cheekbones.

“n.. n-no problem.” he mutters, rubbing his cheek. His smile seems ‘fresher’ somehow, brighter.

He leans his skull against your shoulder.

“do you wanna try messing with him more?” Error asks.

You look at the couple. You don’t know what they’re watching, but it looks like a romance movie had started playing.

You look at the Sans. It’d be really funny if you placed something in his hood…

“Nah.” you answer. “Those burgers are making me hungry, lets get something to eat.”

#error!sans #error x reader #sansxreader #tags hard help #aka writing #fluff

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tomurasprincess · 4 years ago

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Kinktober Day 24: Monster (The Asylum)

Day 24: Monster Title: The Asylum Pairing: Mothman Shigaraki x Reader Word Count: 3.1k Warnings: Noncon, monster mind control stuff, oviposition, cumflation, belly bulges, breeding, forced orgasms, some slight descriptions of gore and blood, yandere Note: The Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum is a real place, although parts of what I wrote is fake, mostly the part where they close down a second time in the fic. IRL, they’re still open and doing tours. Tagging @ichor-and-symbiosis and @kazooli as two of the OG Mothura writers 👀

Sequel: The Brood

Kinktober Masterlist

You’ve always loved urban exploring, going to old mental asylums and hospitals to look around and see the decay of places that used to be so bustling with people. You especially liked the places that had tragic pasts, the ones where horrific things occurred. It sounds morbid to anyone you talk to about your interests, but it was the truth. You’ve always believed in monsters and ghosts just out of sight of humanity, lurking in the dark corners of abandoned places.

That’s why you instantly planned a trip to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum the second you heard about it. It had been abandoned years ago due to extreme abuse of patients. A historical society had moved in later, renovating the place and making a history tour of it that also did ghost tours at night.

But even they ended up abandoning the place due to the fake ghost tours apparently starting to become real ghost tours. People began to see creatures out of the corner of their eyes, something they said was much larger than a human, with wings on its back and piercing red eyes.

It was initially dismissed as overactive imaginations, people who wanted to see ghosts so badly that they were seeing things that weren’t there. Or people who just wanted to start tall tales for attention and were flat out making things up in order to scare the rest of the group.

But then the disappearances started to happen. It was almost always young women who got separated from the tour group, although a few times it was a boyfriend and girlfriend who got lost together. The tour guides scoured every inch of the asylum looking for the missing people, but they found no trace of them. At first it was dismissed as the people getting scared and running off without telling anybody.

Until one day, a regularly scheduled tour group stumbled across the bodies. Not the bodies of the missing girls, but their partners. They were viciously torn apart, with limbs scattered all over the room. Their blood covered the walls, the floor, even the ceiling of the room. The women were alive but traumatized, rocking back and forth in a corner of the room absolutely covered in blood, none of which was their own.

They told the same tales that the rest of the people did. They were captured by a monster, around 8-9 feet tall, with large moth-like wings and red eyes. The creature was surprisingly gentle to them, they said, at least until they saw that they were with someone. The creature had become enraged, tearing their partner to pieces as they watched. They knew for certain that they would be next, their eyes squeezed tight as they waited for their death.

But the creature did nothing, simply turning away and leaving the room like they were not what the creature wanted.

Although everyone agreed that something horrible had happened to the young women, none of them believed their story. They had stayed in that room for several days, covered in the blood of their loved ones, not knowing if they were ever going to make it out. Of course they were traumatized, thinking they saw monsters. But monsters aren’t believed to exist, and so everyone began to look for a human murderer that was never found.

The asylum tried to recover from the tragedy, but it was never able to. The amount of bad press they got for having lax safety standards and not taking care of their tour groups caused everybody to stay away. Finally, having no other choice in the matter, the asylum had closed.

When you heard this story, you were over the moon excited. Not just a historical landmark, but also a place with a possible real life monster sighting. Nothing was going to stop you from going there and seeing the place for yourself.

And now here you stand, in front of the building with a backpack full of supplies slung over your shoulder. You had your phone, flashlights with spare batteries, a spare change of clothes, matches and lighters, even a rope and various other tools should something happen inside of the building.

And so, with a deep excitement bubbling up in your stomach, you find your way through a hole in the fence and walk through the front door. The first thing you see is the reception desk with various odds and ends left over from the closure. There are even still brochures describing the various types of tours and listing prices.

You walk down the first corridor you see, going past various closed off rooms that look to be basic examination rooms. There is surprisingly little decay, mostly everything still looking rather clean and intact besides a thick layer of dust and cobwebs covering everything. You’re a bit discouraged but decide to continue on to see if things get more interesting.

After all, the murders occured in the basement, and you’re not anywhere close to that yet.

Soon you find yourself in the medical ward where the patients were kept, and you instantly realize one of the reasons this hospital was so nightmarish. The rooms are even smaller than jail cells, leaving barely enough space for patients to lay down in. There are so many rooms of that exact size that you wonder how the staff could accurately take care of the amount of patients there had to be. But you remember your research, remember the fact that they couldn’t.

That was why so many brutal procedures were performed such as lobotomies, in order to keep the peace at the asylum and make things easier for the doctors and nurses. You give a quick shudder and begin to move on, feeling a strange sensation that you desperately want to get away from.

The decay gets worse and worse the closer you get to the basement, rust and decay beginning to cover every surface you see. You walk past some of the surgery rooms and feel horror at the utensils and instruments you see in them. The historical society tried to keep things as accurate as possible, and as such, they had kept most of the equipment that you would see back in those days.

You’re beginning to wonder if this is a good idea, as that strange sensation continues to worsen and worsen. You realize with a start what this feeling actually is.

It feels like someone is watching your every movement. You whirl around, shining your flashlight in every direction as you try to see what’s watching you. But there’s nothing but darkness and the decaying walls of the hospital. You shake your head, laughing quietly at the fact that you’re spooked out by a few weird shadows and an odd feeling.

You’re not going to let it stop you from your goal, however, and you continue forwards until you get to the doors of the basement. The feeling here is overwhelming, simultaneously telling you to run and move forward all at the same time. The conflicting emotions leave you off balance and light headed, and you reach your hand out instinctively when you sway on your feet. You touch a section of the wall and instantly pull your hand back.

The wall is warm, not cold like it should be. A sense of unease crawls up your spine, and you decide then and there that it’s time to go. Making it to the basement is not worth this, whatever it is you’re feeling. But then you hear a soft humming and the flapping of wings, coming from deep within the basement of the hospital.

Instead of being terrified, however, you feel entranced. It’s one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever heard, and it’s calling you. You open the basement door without even thinking about it, walking down the stairs in a dreamy haze. You don’t even pay attention to how heavy the rot here is, how the walls are entirely blackened by decay that spreads out like veins on a body.

You don’t pay attention when the door slams closed behind you, locking you in with whatever is calling you closer. All you can think about is getting to that beautiful sound, that lonely haunting call that seems to burrow deep into your brain. You walk as if you’re in a trance, turning corridors that you’ve never seen before but somehow know where they’re going.

Finally, you get to a door that is deep within the bowels of the basement, a bright red door that seems to beckon you inside. You push open the door with no hesitation, walking through and letting it close behind you.

And you finally come face to face with the creature. He is about 9 feet tall, towering over your small form. He’s not overly muscular, but he has a thin wiry look to him that says he is deceptively strong. His red eyes bore into you like they’re staring directly into your soul. On his back are two massive wings, spread to their full wing span and utterly gorgeous.

The creature makes a small chittering noise as he motions you towards him, and you follow like he’s a puppeteer holding your strings. He pulls you tightly into his body, burying his nose into your neck and taking a deep whiff of your skin. His hot breath on your sensitive skin pulls a shudder from you. and he tightens his grip as if he’s worried you’ll get away.

A long tongue pokes out of his mouth, licking at the pulse point that is frantically beating. “Mine,” he groans into your skin, sharp teeth grazing you. “Mate.” You’re lifted up off your feet before being laid down on the ground, hips in the air and face down on the floor. He rips your pants off easily, leaving your panties on as he lowers his head down. You feel a flash of embarrassment as he sniffs them like he sniffed your neck, groaning again as his tongue drags across the wet abric. “Fertile,” he whispers as he pulls your panties aside, “fertile mate.”

The haze parts from your mind long enough for you to feel a sharp flash of fear, and then his tongue is lapping at your folds and the fear is quickly chased away again. You dig your nails into the floor as you feel him work his tongue inside of you, using it to fuck you like a cock would. You gasp when he hits your cervix with his tongue and keeps going, wiggling against the barrier like he’s trying to break through it.

Something in his saliva causes your body to heat up and your muscles to loosen enough for him to batter his tongue harder against you and push through. Your scream echoes through the walls of the room, but not of pain. Instead, a fierce pleasure overtakes you as your cervix gives way to the creature’s tongue, allowing him to enter into your womb.

The feeling of this tongue wiggling around in your empty womb causes you to tip over the edge and cum around the creature’s tongue as he eagerly laps at your juices. He withdraws his tongue, causing you to let out a whine of disappointment, only to be surprised when you feel something prodding at your entrance. It doesn’t feel like a human cock at all, with ridges and bumps along the length and much thicker than a human cock would be.

You have a single moment to wonder how it will fit inside of you before it’s pushing in, stretching out your tight outer ring of muscles and causing a sharp burning in your lower stomach. You whine and try to pull away, only for the creature to let out a snarl as claws dig into your hips, causing your blood to drip down onto the pavement.

Even though there is no pain, only more pleasure, you learn your lesson and don’t try to move away as the thick cock slides even further into you. It’s so much thicker than anything you’ve ever taken before, and you’re shaking like a leaf when he finally bottoms out inside. You think he’ll start thrusting like a human male would, except that he doesn’t.

He keeps pushing, humping into you with sharp movements designed to force your cervix open even further. You squeal as the cock makes it past the barrier, burying deep inside of your womb. You glance down and let out a choked sob at the bulge in your stomach where the tip of the creature’s cock is.

“Pretty - pretty mate,” the creature says hesitantly, rolling his hips experimentally into you and drawing a groan from your throat. “Tomura,” he adds, and it takes you a second to realize that’s the creature’s name.

“Tomura,” you murmur, and the creature chitters happily at the sound of your voice saying the name. You try to think of something else to ask, maybe even to beg to be released as the haze seems to clear a bit, but Tomura begins to hum again, and you instantly smile in bliss as all of your concern fades away.

You feel something else pushing into your entrance, and it takes a long moment to realize what it is as you feel it slip up your stretched out tunnel.

Eggs. The creature is filling you with eggs. Instead of being horrified, however, you moan as they continue to move inside of you. There are multiple eggs at once, small and gooey, and they coat your insides with wetness as they make their way to your still stretched out cervix.

You feel them pass through the opening to plop down into your womb, and you cry out and cum hard, pussy wildly fluttering around Tomura’s cock. He lets out a deep grunt of pleasure as he rocks his hips against you, and you feel more eggs pushing into you. This time, a few of them get stuck against a spongy spot inside of you, and you scream out your orgasm, legs shaking and eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Fuck, oh god, shit, Tomura - “ you babble mindlessly as more eggs push into you, “it feels so good, why does it - “

Before those eggs can push fully in, there are already more entering you, and you feel so incredibly full. They drop down into your no longer empty womb, wringing another orgasm from your tired body. The skin of your stomach is stretching, making you look bloated, and Tomura still isn’t done.

You lose track of time completely, only aware of your body twitching and convulsing as more and more eggs push up into you, settling into your womb with the rest of them. Your stomach already looks 9 months pregnant, and you can barely hold yourself up.

Tomura sees this, and he gently picks you up and lays you down on your back. “Pretty mate,” he leans and kisses your forehead, “look so good with my children. Our children.”

“Oh god, no more, please no more, I’m so full Tomura,” you whimper as more eggs push into you. “Please, so full - “

Tomura hums softly at you, and you smile with bliss as the final eggs plop down into your womb. His movements become more savage, thrusting hard into you as he grunts and groans. The force of his thrusts has you sliding up, breasts bouncing and your belly jiggling. The feeling of the eggs moving around inside of you has you howling out your orgasm, blackness dotting the edge of your vision as you almost lose consciousness.

Finally, Tomura is finished, and his cock begins to twitch inside of you as hot ropes of cum fill you up, shooting directly into your womb where the eggs reside. You sob as you watch your stomach bulge out even more as the creature’s cum fertilizes the eggs inside. You can no longer see the dents and valleys of the eggs along your stomach, and you reach down to gently run your hand over your bloated stomach.

You can feel the eggs through the barrier of skin, and it causes your eyes to roll back at the pleasure. Tomura gives a soft, happy chirp as he places his hand over yours on your belly, rubbing it gently. He pulls out slowly, causing a mixture of your cum and his to gush out of your now gaping pussy.

He reaches down to pick you up as he walks towards a door in the back of the room that you hadn’t noticed before. You’re shocked by what you see when you walk through. It’s an utterly untouched room, still looking brand new and with none of the decay that covers the rest of the basement. There is no bed, but there is a pile of clean blankets and pillows in the corner, piled up high and in a circle.

A nest, you realize. It’s a nest. For you. He tucks you in gently, chirping again as his clawed hand runs over your pregnant belly. “Mate,” he says happily, “my pretty little mate.” He stands up and walks towards the door, turning to you one last time as his gaze narrows and darkens just a bit.

“No running. Don’t want to have to tie mate down.” He continues to gaze at you, as if waiting for something.

“I won’t run,” you say quietly, and the dark look on his face is gone instantly as he beams at you.

“Good mate, good.” And with that, he’s gone.

With his absence, some of the haze lifts and you’re able to realize the horror of the situation you’re in. Nobody knows where you are, and you’re trapped. Even if you wanted to run, you don’t think you could with how large your belly is. No escape and no help coming for you, and the creature already seems so possessive of you that he’s not going to let you easily escape.

If only you had listened to your instincts earlier, if only you hadn’t been so fascinated with the grotesque, if only you had simply chosen to stay home.

You’ve always believed in monsters. You just never thought you would find one.

✧༝┉┉┉┉┉˚*❋ ❋ ❋*˚┉┉┉┉┉༝✧

Kinktober: @thewheezingwyvern, @vixen-scribbles, @katsukisprincess, @hisoknen, @trafalgar-temptress, @leeswritingworld, @burnedbyshoto, @bakugotrashpanda, @dee-madwriter, @kittycatkrissa, @reinawritesbnha, @yanderart, @dabilove27, @anxietyplusultra, @flutterfalla, @angmarwitch, @nereida19, @babayaga67, @fromsunnywithlove, @dabis-kitten, @bakugos-cumsock, @yumeneji, @the-grimm-writer, @iwaizumi-chan, @slashersheart, @bunnyywritings, @bakarinnie, @angie-1306, @lalalemon101, @videogameboiwhowins, @f4nficbaby, @tenkoshimmy, @baroque-baby, @bbyspiiice, @thirstyforthem2dmen, @blissfulignorance2000, @bluecookies02-main

#kinktober 2020 #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki smut #tomura shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura x reader #shigaraki #mha x reader #mha smut #yandere mha #bnha x reader #bnha smut #yandere bnha #mha kinktober #bnha kinktober #tw: noncon #tw ovi #tw oviposition

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trickstertriangle · 2 months ago

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ok so basically that's the premise of the first game. fend off the robots for 5 nights, manage your power and avoid death. except that's not all! the game had little easter eggs! easter eggs that contained lore! lore!!!

so basically it all began in the 1980's with a couple humans. one of them was named henry emily and the other was named william afton. you'd love william afton. he'd be your favorite human ever if he wasn't fictional! but personally i prefer henry... anyways they founded fredbear's family diner together and henry built the robots and the robots doubled as suits that could be worn by humans except they were super dangerous and potentially fatal.

actually they were entirely fatal because of something called a springlock failure. but anyways those robots were called springlock suits and william kept wearing one called "spring bonnie" to lure a bunch of kids into a room with no cameras and kill them. henry began to worry for his daughter's safety so he made the security puppet that pretty much only protected his daughter specifically and it couldn't even do it because one day she got shut outside and william killed her before the puppet could do anything but it got outside and effectively cocooned her corpse when she was already dead and left outside in the rain.

but anyways william also had a few kids of his own. elizabeth, michael, and "dave", who we only learned the name of recently and i haven't even confirmed myself yet but whatever it doesn't matter because michael sticks dave's head in fredbear's mouth and dave dies. also michael is the same person as mike schmidt. from the first game.

also william built a few robots on his own without henry and made a separate company called afton robotics and made one of the robots for elizabeth except they were also killing machines designed to trap and kill kids to use their souls to power the robots and give them more personality and all that. he wanted their remnant which is a whole other ball park we'll get into later. anyways elizabeth got too close to the robot based on her, which was circus baby, which killed her. so elizabeth also died. which left william with only michael.

anyways henry didn't know william was doing all the killing but he got framed for it by william which kind of told him what was up but he went to jail for a long time and doesn't show up until waaaaaaay later. but anyways a lot of this happens in 1983. dave dying is called the bite of '83.

and then 1985 happens when william keeps killing kids and the missing children's incident happens and the bodies are stuffed in more robots. and the puppet, possessed by henry's daughter, charlie, shows up and is like "nuh uh" and gives the kids life again by giving them consciousness as the robots they got stuffed into or whatever happens there. but yeah their corpses are in there and ir reeeks and customers at the place start to notice the stench because of course they do they're in a restaurant with a bunch of corpses in robots that dance around on stage.

but yeah then 1987 happens and. obligatory was that the bite of 87?!?! but anyways that's when fnaf 2 takes place. we can get into the gameplay later first i'm just dumping all the lore because i feel like it. but yeah the robots with corpses in them got prepared to be retrofitted but then it proved to be too hard so instead their parts were used to make new robots and more kids were killed by william and the puppet was still hanging around but then the place got shut down and a birthday party happened and then boom the player gets bit by one of the new robots and it's called the bite of 87 but it took a while for the fandom to figure that one out too. also phone guy was around back then. also apparently his name is ralph which is cool to know i think? but yeah then the new versions of the robots got scrapped but the old ones didn't.

you still keeping up?

hey so while we wait on sixer can i lore dump about fnaf to you? i promise to be very informative! :)

-tt

GO AHEAD, KID, YAP ALL YOU WANT!

#huzzahttspeaks #nonsense

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ageless-aislynn · 3 years ago

Video

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SPOILERS for Halo 1x03

More thoughts about John and Cortana below but I just have to say that I LOVED poor Silver Team looking all 👀 at this “new development” (yeah, temporary, John, sure... 👀😉). Also, apropos of nothing, but I adore how heavy the entire team walks even without their Mjolnir armor on!

Okay, so my primarily John and Cortana-centric episode thoughts, grouped in a couple of different categories:

1. Body Horror: As in wow, there was a lot of body horror that I wasn’t expecting in this episode. 😖 I ended up doing the very adult, time-honored method of Peeking Through My Fingers™ during several scenes, I have to admit! Am not a fan of eyeball pokey things, will never be a fan. 😶

2. Naked Master Chief: Y’all, I would’ve loooved to GIF that scene for you but I figured it would just get this post blocked so please instead enjoy the very end of the scene from a distance when he’s wearing a towel. (If anybody else manages to GIF it and successfully avoid being put in Tumblr Nakey Jail, I totally applaud your skill! 😉)

I know that Kai was reacting to him removing the hormone inhibitor pellet but I choose to think that, instead, she looks SHOOKETH because 10 seconds ago she walked in on Master Chief stark naked. That would definitely be enough to SHOOKETH anybody, in my humble opinion. 😜

3. John: Oh man, how he mentioned losing one of his Spartans, Nora-098, but how the memory doesn’t make him feel anything. And you can see how that bothers him, how he knows that he should feel something. Now, I honestly thought that after he removed his hormone inhibitor pellet, that he was going to go in and start playing games with the marines, totally wipe them out because, well, SPARTAN strength, reflexes, etc. and maybe act kinda goofy and we were going to have to add Second Hand Embarrassment to this episode as well. But no, instead, my poor Master Chief goes to hear music “like everybody else does” instead of how he always has, with no emotion attached to it.

And there’s this moment where he’s watching the couple and I felt like he had to be wondering what that must feel like, to love someone and be loved in return, and all I could think was...

😉 Ahem. Moving along.

4. Dr. Halsey’s Clone: Whom I find myself thinking of as “Cortana Halsey” since she was, of course, Dr. Halsey and had her memories but she also got a few fleeting chances to be “herself” before losing everything to “become” Cortana. I don’t want to just call her a nameless “clone” because she definitely had some self and autonomy. Poor thing. I felt so sorry for her, knowing her own fate and that there was no way to escape it.

Also, Creepy Assistant Dude Whose Name I’m Not Bothering To Recall but who was going to force a kiss on Cortana Halsey while she was paralyzed but still awake and able to see and feel? I’m totally filing him under the Body Horror category. Holy crap, dude. I’m now hoping you get to meet Makee’s Giant Worm Monsters (which I’m sure has a proper name but I haven’t found it anywhere yet, sorry).

5. Cortana: My girl is finally here! And, duuuude, she and Chief do NOT get along! I admit, that threw me at first. I mean, Cortana and Master Chief are like the PB&J of the Halo world to me, they just go together. But, then as I thought about it, I thought, Hm, what’s more interesting to see: John and Cortana immediately getting along or some conflict and strife? I personally believe Cortana WILL eventually be on his side but, right now, she’s totally Dr. Halsey’s puppet.

I was also very shocked for her to be integrated, not into his Mjolnir armor, but into his BRAIN. But again, that leads to some fascinating implications for their relationship in the future. He can’t control her and she’s wanting to control him but is being restricted. That was all VERY surprising to me at first but, the more I thought about it, the more I kinda dug this new spin on their familiar relationship. At this point, they literally can’t escape each other but neither can they overcome the other. That’s some tasty drama!

I also like Cortana being a full-sized hologram. I think it makes a better visual for the TV format and also, to me, makes her look more of a threat than if she was her little palm-sized version. But, of course, your mileage may vary on that, as the ol’ saying goes. 😉

Can’t wait for the next episode to see where things go from here! 🥰

PS - I loved John’s “civilian” outfit! 😍

I thought at first that it was just his undersuit with the identifying marks covered up but nope, it’s similar but different. 😉

#halo #halo the series #halo paramount+#halo spoilers #spoilers #master chief #john-117 #cortana #dr catherine halsey #kai-125 #pablo schreiber #natascha mcelhone #jen taylor #kate kennedy #ageless aislynn

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thefingerfuckingfemalefury · 2 years ago

Text

Let’s Read Comics! With Samantha and her Girlfriend :D

SUPERMAN!

THE MAN OF STEEL

And the man who in the silver age of comics, would go to most absurd lengths to keep his secret identity possible

Get ready to find out just how determined he truly was as we embark on the tale of THE NEW LIVES OF SUPERMAN

Me: I mean to be fair I have my doubts that anyone thought to pass a specific law against controlling people with action figures

My Girlfriend: That’s how the Puppet Master keeps getting let out of jail

But before we get to the Terrible Toyman there is another story

And oh boy

My Girlfriend: “Well you just broke into a secure location of the US military waving a grenade around and raving about how it could destroy us all so of course we’re going to calmly stand here and listen to your requests”

Me: No one’s even a LITTLE perturbed by this

My Girlfriend: Also no one even QUESTIONS this

They’re just taking his word on all this when for all they know that’s just a thermos of coffee

Me: You might think that a diabolical plot by a “Freedom hating dictator” to destroy us all would be the main plot of this story

But no

IT WILL NEVER BE MENTIONED AGAIN

My Girlfriend: Phenomenal

Me: it’s a little worrying that Clark needs to regularly remind himself of information he already knows

My Girlfriend: Why is your inner monologue providing us with clumsy exposition Clark

Me: He’s been hanging out in the 90’s with Peter Parker and Ben Reilly, their Clone Saga monologuing has got to him

My Girlfriend: “A hostile nation”?

Gee Perry don’t overwhelm us with a ton of specific information here or anything

Me: It was created by the Obscure Republic of Vagueania

My Girlfriend: And the first thing the military did with a weapon Superman told them was invented to destroy freedom was…decide to try and use it themselves?

Me: And people say that silver age comics weren’t realistic

At the pentagon they are testing the weapon on some guinea pigs

And I mean that literally

My Girlfriend: “WE WON’T BE ABLE TO USE THIS WEAPON, WE JUST WANTED AN EXCUSE TO TORTURE ANIMALS”

Me: LEAVE THOSE GUINEA PIGS ALONE ;-;

DO NOT ANIMALS :(

The ultimate weapon in question is some kind of…blindness…ray?

The comic does no better a job explaining it than I am…and SHOCK OF SHOCKS!

CLARK’S GOGGLES FALL OFF

He’s fine because Superman is apparently immune to blindness but he must PRETEND to be blind

My Girlfriend: I’m sorry WHAT

Me: Look babe if your going to object to this story making up absolute bullshit powers as the plot demands for Superman whatever you do don’t read the next scene

My Girlfriend: ………..

Not a single word Superman just thought makes a single shred of sense

Me: HE HAS PERFECT CONTROL OVER HOW HIS EYES REACT TO LIGHT

Because something something yellow sun something something

Me: Now you might be thinking “Surely Superman isn’t going to fake a disability just to continue to gaslight his friends”

And if your thinking that you haven’t read enough silver age Superman stories

My Girlfriend: Oh god

Me: You know Clark there are ACTUAL blind people who need those

My Girlfriend: Look he needs it more than they do okay

They only need them because they can’t see

Clark needs one to trick Lois Lane

But if you think Clark “Stealing seeing eye dogs from the blind” Kent is done being ridiculous your wrong because…

Me: Just so we’re clear here

Clark has developed bitterness and self loathing

ABOUT HIS COMPLETELY MADE UP CONDITION

My Girlfriend: “MY FAKE BLINDNESS IS CAUSING ME REAL RESENTMENT OF YOU ALL”

Me: “I hate to deceive them” Clark thinks to himself

I AM CALLING BULLSHIT ON THAT

Gaslighting the people he loves is the only true joy the Silver Age Superman knows

My Girlfriend: There is no way that someone who “Hates to do this” would take it this far

This is some Hannibal level mindfucking Clark is engaging in here

Me: I kind of love Jimmy’s expression in that second panel

It’s like he KNOWS this is yet another instalment of Superman’s deranged fuckery and he can’t hide his contempt

And so Superman flies off, thinking to himself that he’s going to abandon his Clark Kent identity “Perhaps forever!”

My Girlfriend: WAIT THEN WHY THE HELL WAS HE PRETENDING TO BE BLIND!?!?!

WHY A N Y OF THIS?

Me: This story does not concern itself with unimportant questions like “Why the hell would a person act this way”

And so

Me: Somehow the least realistic thing about this story is the idea that there was a time anyone could just walk in somewhere with no ID and no references and just get given a job

My Girlfriend: “No one can Buttle better than I can Buttle”?

Alfred Pennyworth would disagree with this

Me: They will have to have a Buttle Off

A Battle of the Butlers to see which Butler can Buttle the Best of any Butler

My Girlfriend: I’m placing an embargo on you using the words “Buttle” or “Butler” for the rest of this commentary

Me: NOOOOOOOOOO

This story has decided not enough nonsense has happened yet and so when Clark meets his employer….

Me: Based on the BONE STRUCTURE?!

My Girlfriend: Never mind his bone structure, what he should be worried about is all the bone cancer that Clark just gave him

Me: That wacky Superman, exposing people to dangerous levels of radiation so he can look at their skeletons and check if they’re wanted jewel thieves based on a vague hunch

Raffles wife is suspicious of the fact Clark has no references….

Me: From the look she’s giving him I think the only suspicion she has is “I suspect he’ll fuck as well as the pool boy”

My Girlfriend: L E W D

Clark claims that he is a former crook called “Ghost Fingers” Morgan, an expert safe cracker but claims that he’s not just a good crook he’s also a good cook and an excellent all around butler

My Girlfriend: Not to be confused with “Ghost Fingers” Morgan, the skilled lesbian porn performer

Me: Both very good with their fingers though

Me: Even by the standards of the silver age DCU this is a bizarre interview

My Girlfriend: “PROVE YOU’RE AN EX CONVCT AND YOUR HIRED”

Me: “Nothing at all suspicious about that request!”

With his super hearing, Clark/Digby/Ghost Fingers Morgan/Superman overhears Raffles and his wife plotting to pull off a crime and frame “Digby” for it

Me: PERFIDY!

My Girlfriend: Because wanted international jewel thieves are always very eager to contact the police

Me: A WELL KNOWN FACT

And soon at a swanky party attended by crooks…

Me: Clark knows he has to come up with a distraction because if this woman who thinks he’s cute even SUSPECTS he might be Superman she’ll start throwing herself off rooftops and hiding radioactive space rock in his home to try and prove it

My Girlfriend: It’s just the way his love life goes

Me: Women in silver age Superman stories exist to be a nightmarish threat to Clark’s life and sanity

My Girlfriend: OUR HERO NOBLY ROOFIES AN ENTIRE PARTY

Me: Out of context this looks pretty bad

My Girlfriend: In context it’s pretty suspect as well, let’s not kid ourselves

Me: I do kind of love that there’s a canon Superman story where his way around anyone figuring out his secret ID is “Get everyone liquored up” though

My Girlfriend: I wonder just how he learned he’s immune to getting drunk

Me: He has to deal with Hawkman and Hal Jordan on a regular basis

I’m certain he’s spent much of his adult life desperately trying to get drunk

Superman nyooms off noting that “They’ll be so groggy they won’t notice my absence”

Me: Ah yes “Groggy”

That’s what they’ll be alright

My Girlfriend: Is that a nice way of saying “Absolutely wasted”?

Me: I love how for the second time in this story the existence of TERRIFYING SUPERWEAPONS is just sort of…glossed over

“Wow a weapon that defies the laws of nature…well anyway, back to the more important story of Superman’s life as Digby the Butler”

My Girlfriend: Still not as bad as the opening of the story where his attitude could be summed up as “Sure hope someone stops that murderous dictator”

Superman saves the train and among the cheers is some kind words for Clark Kent from the colonel who regrets the terrible fate he met with

Me: “Also he weirdly seems to have vanished from the face of the earth”

My Girlfriend: “We’re sure it’s nothing to worry about though”

And after returning to the party

Me: She’s impressed by how well he can handle his drinks

I guess she loves a man who enjoys a good hard liquor

My Girlfriend: Where’s that damn dog with the stick

Me: Okay even without super senses it would be impossible for anyone to NOT notice that

My Girlfriend: Unless of course “Digby” doesn’t find anything unusual about his employer slipping a hand into his pocket

Me: Things are clicking into place as to how Clark REALLY got hired without any references

My Girlfriend: Still at least Raffles has a sense of humor about all this

Me: He’s totally framing Clark JUST so he can make that pun isn’t he

My Girlfriend: It’s like you if you were a jewel thief

Me: Now you might think that Clark would just use his super speed or some other of his godlike powers to do a swap on the diamonds, right?

But that’s not nearly extra enough for the man who faked blindness and a criminal past all in a single week

My Girlfriend: Of course it isn’t

Me: Yep

HE SQUEEZES COAL INTO DIAMONDS

Diamonds that are somehow an EXACT COPY of the stolen diamonds

My Girlfriend: I’m sorry he what now

Me: I am no diamond-ologist but

That seems…

DIFFICULT to accomplish

My Girlfriend: Also why is he reacting with a shocked “A FRAME UP!” here

Clark

You

You KNEW they were going to frame you

That’s why you did this

WHY ARE YOU STARTLED

Me: “MY GOD THEY’RE FRAMING ME

JUST LIKE I HEARD THEM SAY THEY WOULD TWICE”

My Girlfriend: That light might not have blinded Clark but I am beginning to worry it affected him in other ways

Me: HOW

HOW DID NO ONE NOTICE THAT

HOW DID N O O N E SEE THAT O.O

My Girlfriend: I love Raffles wife reaction here

“HOW DID THE STOLEN DIAMONDS GET THERE?

Uhhhhhh

Did I say stolen diamonds?

I mean…INNOCENCE GEMS”

Me: “I thought you were going to frame our butler with those!”

My Girlfriend: “Please stop talking”

As Raffles and his wife are arrested for crimes against the diamond and Buttle-ing industries, Clark makes a speedy exit thinking to himself that this is the end of his “Digby the Butler” identity

Me: ……..

Why?

Why is it the end of that identity?

My Girlfriend: They didn’t ACTUALLY frame you Clark

Me: I’m starting to think Clark’s just having fun playing characters

My Girlfriend: The superhero version of Dee Reynolds

Me: Now I promised you some absolute nonsense with this story and while the first half was decent enough get ready because here’s where things take a turn from “Well this makes no sense” to “WHAT AM I SEEING HERE”

My Girlfriend: OH GOODY

My Girlfriend: ……….

That’s it, I’m done

LET ME OUT OF HERE

Me: THERE IS NO ESCAPE

Superman thinks to himself that as he was pretty good at faking a British accent as Digby the Butler why not go all the way and pretend to be British in Britain?

My Girlfriend: It’s not without an idiotic kind of sense

Me: By the standards of a silver age Superman tale it’s impeccable logic

Clark’s “Super Vision” tells him that a radio station in Wapshire is looking for a disc jockey and decides to apply

My Girlfriend: How would "Super vison” tell him ANY of that?

Me: Clearly he used his x-ray vision to read every single help wanted sign in the whole of Wapshire at super speed using his super reading powers

My Girlfriend: N O

Clark arrives at the radio station and the manager tells them that each of the applicants will get a chance to try out and “Whoever gets the most fan mail gets the job!”

My Girlfriend: That’s definitely the way employment works alright

Me: “Why should I spend minutes of my time reading resumes when instead I can just give the job to whoever gets the most fan letters based on a single radio slot”

My Girlfriend: Can you imagine if this story was written today?

Me: “Whichever of you gets the most Twitter comments that aren’t from trolls calling you every slur they can think of gets the job”

Clark has a cunning plan to make sure he gets the job…

Me: So fresh from nobly faking blindness and taking a seeing eye dog from the actually deserving, Clark heroically rigs this concert in his favor, ruining any other applicants chance of getting the job

My Girlfriend: “That poverty stricken old man struggling to feed his six children might as well head back to his soon to be repossessed home! We have a winner!”

Me: I’m also starting to question Clark’s claim that he’s great at doing a British accent

My Girlfriend: Crikey, surely not old bean

And sure enough…

Me: Ah yes

One of those disc jockeys famous for warring tirelessly on crime

My Girlfriend: “I HAD TO STEAL THIS JOB

THE FATE OF THE WORLD DEPENDS ON ME BECOMING A DISC JOCKEY IN WAPSHIRE”

Me: Where would we be without our tireless disc jockeys?

My Girlfriend: The world would crumble into chaos

Me: I also love that Clark’s idea of a cunning alias here is “Clark The K”

My Girlfriend: No one will ever see through some a brilliant ruse!

My Girlfriend: ………….

What alien language are the people in this panel speaking

Me: I tried putting it through Google translate and just got a string of question marks back

We get a brief interlude where Clark rescues the queen where someone notes that it’s a shame Superman “Belongs to America” while Clark thinks that he’ll have to stay here in Britain “Until the guinea pigs get their sight back”

Me: Okay on the one hand I am very glad those guinea pigs will be okay

But on the other hand

HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE HERE

THE BLINDNESS ISN’T EVEN PERMANENT!?

My Girlfriend: So in other words instead of fleeing the country and adopting not one but two utterly bonkers identities he could have just said “Perry, Jimmy, Lois, I’m going to take some personal time to myself until my sight returns”

Me: WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED ALL THIS

Back at his radio DJ job Clark is told that it’ll be his job to judge a series of auditions by new upcoming bands. And so…

Me: “Those masks certainly are convincing!”

My Girlfriend: “Masks…yes…that’s what they are…only masks”

Me: “By the way have any of you seen the station manager?”

My Girlfriend: “HE WAS DELICIOUS”

Me: “Wait what”

My Girlfriend: “I mean uhhhhh…he went home early”

Me: “Now I’ve ‘ad a butchers at your mates I’ll nip off down the apples and pears to ‘ave a nosh at the chippie with me trouble and strife”

My Girlfriend: STOP THAT

However on his way to doing British Things Like a British Person from Britain as part of his brilliant disguise Clark is surprised by a singer by the name of “The Super Cool Cat”

“He wears a Superman mask, fake tail, claws and suction cups!”

Me: BEHOLD

THE ORIGINAL FURSONA

My Girlfriend: I think you’ll find that Bruce Wayne had the worlds original fursona

Me: YA GOT ME THERE

Clark immediately gives “Super Cool Cat” the prize of having his songs performed on the radio because of course he does

My Girlfriend: So he’s using the job he acquired through cheating to promote a singer who only appeals to him because it’s an ego stroking tribute to his superhero identity

Me: SUPERMAN!

Faster than a speeding bullet!

More powerful than a locomotive!

Completely unaware of any concept of ethics!

But before Super Cool Cat can perform on the radio…

Me: Oh those wacky record industry scamps

The way they break into peoples homes and drug them with knock out gas

My Girlfriend: Look having your bands song played on a local radio station in Wapshire is SERIOUS BUSINESS okay babe

Me: PEOPLE HAVE DIED FOR THIS

Clark discovers this horrifying example of the shameless level of corruption going on in the Wapshire music scene and makes the only logical choice he could be expected to make

Me: For those trying to keep track with a score card, so far in this story Superman’s alter egos have included a British butler who is secretly a safe cracker, a Wapshire radio DJ and now an aspiring musician who himself dresses up like Superman so Superman is disguising himself as himself at this point but with the addition of some cat claws and a tail

My Girlfriend: Clark just cannot stand to see Super Cool Cat be fursecuted like this

Me: SO MUCH FURSECUTION IN WAPSHIRE

My Girlfriend: I’m not sure why the promoter thinks that people apparently hurling rusty metal garbage at the singer is a GOOD sign either

Me: This is what Super Cool Cat’s fangirls used to throw at him on stage instead of bras or panties like other groupies

My Girlfriend: Really?

Me: Yep

Right up until his death from tetanus, one month after this performance

My Girlfriend: That was DARK

No but actually the truth is even more absolutely bananas than that because NO ONE IS THROWING THOSE CANS

Superman is ATTRACTING them to himself with his “Vacuum breath” and I feel like I lost a little bit of my mind typing those words

My Girlfriend: So Superman wanted to save this guys career and he thought the way to do that was to make it appear that people pelt him with trash when he sings?

Me: I can’t decide what’s more bizarre

That Superman came to this conclusion through some kind of Bizarro logic

Or the fact that against all the odds, against everything we know to be true about this world…HE WAS RIGHT

My Girlfriend: Was the sum total of research that the writer did for “How the hell do British people speak?” a few rushed viewings of Austin Powers and the Benny Hill show?

Me: I feel like everything we just saw in these panels confirms that theory yes

And then, I kid you not, Superman SPINS LIMEHOUSE LEW AROUND AT SUPER SPEED WHILE THREATENING TO FULL ON MURDER HIM

Limehouse Lew flees, never to be seen or heard from again

My Girlfriend: HOLY SHIT SUPERMAN JUST THREATENED TO KILL A MAN

Me: This story is really starting to make me think Lex Luthor wasn’t totally wrong about Superman being a menace to the earth because so far he’s faked a disability, roofied a room full of people, rigged an employment application and a contest purely to serve his selfish whims and now he’s threatened to murder a guy

A guy whose only crime as near as I can tell was “Trying to cheat someone out of a record contract” which isn’t very ethical I grant you but it also doesn’t exactly make him Brainiac or Darkseid

My Girlfriend: And the only reason Super Cool Cat even HAD the opportunity in the first place is that Clark gave it to him purely out of narcissism! He didn’t deserve to have it!

Me: it’s true what they say Clark

You die a hero or live to see yourself become the villain

Or you die a hero, then come back to life and then live to see yourself become the villain

But the writer can’t keep this stellar level of storytelling up forever and so our tale must come to an end

But how to conclude this story?

Me: If any of you guessed “Superman kisses a group of horny women into unconsciousness then flies off never to return” then give yourself a cigar

My Girlfriend: How would ANYONE guess that

Me: I mean by silver age Superman logic its one of the more likely outcomes

My Girlfriend: Clark is really channelling Tobias Funke here

“I might as well blow this bit in a blaze of glory”?

Really Clark?

Me: “It seems I’ve shot my wad which means I need to blow this job as I have quite a mess on my hands”

My Girlfriend: “There’s just so many poorly chosen words there…”

But before you worry that we’re about to see Clark assume an even more nonsensical identity the story ends with…

Me: YAAAAYYYYY!

THE GUINEA PIGS ARE OKAY :D

My Girlfriend: Awwwww kitten

Me: AND CAN NOW TAKE THEIR REVENGE

My Girlfriend: YES

Me: “YOU SHALL PAY FOR EXPERIMENTING UPON US”

My Girlfriend: I love how no one asks Clark where the hell he’s been and no one even mentions his whole spiral of self bitter and bitterness he went into over his Fake Blindness

Me: And I love the fact Clark teases/threatens the reader with the promise/warning that we might see this nonsense happen again

My Girlfriend: Kind of terrified, kind of can’t wait

Me: Well we won’t have to wait for more silver age Superman

For there is a SECOND TALE in this very issue!

My Girlfriend: Okay but can it match the thrills of Clark’s life as a Wapshire disc jockey?

Me: WATCH AND SEE

My Girlfriend: The most evil thing to happen to toy collecting since Kiss Players

Me: Ahhhhh the silver age Toyman

A great example of the Professor Two Apes meme

My Girlfriend: Should I even ask what the 90’s did to the Toyman?

Me: What’s the worst direction you think a writer could go in with a villain whose a weird old man obsessed with kids toys?

My Girlfriend: OH NO

Me: Yeah they went there

Thankfully the Toy Man of this tale might be Terrible but he’s more wholesome than that one

At Metropolis Minimum Security Prison (No Escaping Please) a jailbreak is in progress!

But the Toyman is not part of the jailbreak

Instead

My Girlfriend: I’m starting to see why the DCU has such a problem with supervillains constantly breaking out of jail

Me: I’m both impressed by the ingenuity here and worried about his grip on reality that he thinks this is how parole works

And yet, against all odds….

Me: “And when I say I don’t mean I hope your rehabilitated, I just mean you creep me the hell out”

My Girlfriend: “What even is the expression you’re making here”

Superman checks in on the “Reformed” Toyman…

Me: I AM DEEPLY SHOCKED THAT TOYMAN WAS LIEING ABOUT BEING REFORMED

My Girlfriend: You just can’t trust anyone these days

Me: I love how when he decided he needed to come up with a plausible lie the one he chose was “Radioactive space rock is letting me control this superpowered aliens mind”

My Girlfriend: After what we saw in the first story in this issue that sounds absolutely plausible to me

My Girlfriend: Superman is very blasé about all this O.O

Me: “Huh I seem to have blacked out and gone on a destructive rampage! How peculiar!”

My Girlfriend: “Normally when I go on terrifying rampages it’s because I wanted to”

Me: “IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO TEACH JIMMY OLSEN A LESSON”

My Girlfriend: I’M CERTAINLY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW

Me: Confused is one word for this yes

My Girlfriend: “Supeman has absolutely no reason to suspect me…so I’d better send one of my henchmen over to put the idea in his head that I’m responsible”

Me: I’m starting to see why Toyman hasn’t had a very successful criminal career O.O

Shortly after this CUNNING RUSE we see another incident of Superman seemingly being mind controlled by the Toyman’s sinister toys, this time dragging a boat onto dry land

Superman’s reaction?

“Perhaps I’ve been exposed to some Red Kryptonite! It always effects me in some WEIRD way”

Me: “Oh, did I destroy public property again?

That does tend to happen when I get irradiated by space rays from poisonous death rocks

Just one of those things”

My Girlfriend: Clark really does seem to have completely checked out of this issue

Me: Right?

First he decided becoming a DJ was more important than stopping a dictator, now his reaction to the fact he might be losing his mind is “Yep it’s one of those days alright”

Me: “There’s no law against him selling Superman toys”

I think the copyright law division of DC Comics would disagree with you there Superman

My Girlfriend: The Toyman’s about to face the only thing more powerful than Superman…a cease and desist letter from Warner Bros legal department

Me: Also wait, DESTROY the train?

Not…not rob it?

My Girlfriend: Some men aren’t looking for anything logical like money, Samantha

Some men just want to see men in bright blue spandex destroy trains

Me: CHILLING

Me: “Sorry Commissioner, can’t stay to chat about my out of control crime spree!

I have something important to do!”

My Girlfriend: “Well as long as it’s important we’ll just let you be on your way”

Me: Okay so babe

Are you ready for the STRANGE SECRET behind what’s going on with Superman here?

My Girlfriend: How strange is this secret

Me: PRETTY FUCKIN STRANGE

My Girlfriend: I have

SO MANY QUESTIONS

AND I FEAR THE ANSWERS

Me: Toyman’s plan to ruin Superman’s reputation has run into one fateful flaw…the fact people in the silver age DCU are used to him randomly running amuck and destroying things at this point

My Girlfriend: They call those “Weekdays”

Toyman orders his creation to pull off this train job and the robot responds with “I will obey your commands master as I did all the others!”

Me: …………

Nope, I’m not going to make the joke I just thought of

My Girlfriend: PLEASE DON’T

My Girlfriend: Wait so he didn’t even let his own henchmen in on his plan?

Me: A SHOCKING LACK OF TRUST IN THE TOY CRIMINAL UNDERWORLD

But when they enter the train…

Me: ARRESTED FOR TOY CRIMES

My Girlfriend: Their generic reign of mild peril has been brought to an end

So how did Superman uncover the Toyman’s VILLAINOUS SCHEME?

Me: It’s good to know the invincible space alien is spying on us all every waking moment of the day from his secret fortress

My Girlfriend: I FEEL SAFER ALREADY

Me: Superman!

Faster than a speeding bullet!

More powerful than a locomotive!

Willing and eager to commit countless violations of every law relating to privacy as he violates your civil rights!

Toyman has just one question…what has become of his Robot Toy?

And so

Me: “A doom toy that will destroy you” is also how Lena Luthor describes the strap on she uses on Kara Danvers

My Girlfriend: GIVE TOYMAN BACK HIS ROBOT SON CLARK

Me: FREE HIS ROBOT SON YOU MONSTER

Final Thoughts

Me: So what have we learned from these tales?

My Girlfriend: We’ve learned that Superman will go to absolutely deranged lengths to protect a secret identity that most of the people in his life can already see right through

Me: We learned the sordid truth about the corruption and criminality that plagues the music scene of Wapshire and it’s local radio stations

My Girlfriend: Wapshire

You’ll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy

Me: Oh and we learned that Superman secretly spies on the city of Metropolis ALL THE TIME

My Girlfriend: I could do without having learned that

Me: But most importantly of all we learned that Superman will straight up murder you if you get in the way of his musical career

My Girlfriend: DON’T TEST HIM ON THIS

#DC #Comics #Sfw #Let's Read Comics

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