#they gave extensions and i still cant get shit done and i still have these urges to cut but i cant let myself well i could but i wont

[feeling-kinda-sad-ngl]

i cant even ask my counselor to stay in his office during my 2nd block tmr becahse thats the one i asked him about last time

and hes gonna be like huh why dont you want to go to this class lets talk about it

and then im gonna feel forced to answer again and im gonna end up telling him how i think about what im missing for his class and all these other classes all the time and how cant get myself to go to sleep and how i actually still feel that worthlessness thats been present my whole life when it comes to academics and how i just wish it could all stop

and then hes gonna be like woah are you safe and im gonna have to be like yes i am totally safe and okay and normal now, dont call my parents again please

[terraliensvent]

I hate terraliens because the price of characters has dropped so much. I spent a lot of effort and valuable characters to get my first terraliens and now they cost nothing.

I blame them for giving out point buy myo to every person and not even making these characters linked to an account to reduce inflation.

I blame them for the species no longer ignites my heart because I see how much bullshit they do and how they don't do anything interesting. They delayed the launch of a new subspecies even though they've already spent a shitload of time on it, and they still can't get enough?

I blame them for being idiots and not bothering to find a better programmer and fix their fucking website. They're idiots and don't understand the consequences of uploading 4 megabyte images, which is what uploading 1k pixel images each leads to. They are idiots and they don't give a shit, because they don't use the site from the average user's point of view.

I blame them for not bothering to find normal extensions for their fucking site, although karma found and installed world expanding for their site, while the theres were open-mouthed at the mention of this extension. ARE YOU FUCKING IDIOTS OR ARE YOU JUST FUCKING WITH US?

Terraliens are burning and dying and I wish them a quick descent into hell.

i agree with everything here anon

the terra economy is one of the strangest to me, they were insanely high value at the start, then grubs tanked because staff never gave anything to spend on other than items, then jasper items tanked because they were made forageable, then terras themselves tanked because the mod team was so shit people just wanted nothing to do with them

point buy myos were the final nail in the coffin for this economy that they royally fucked up by introducing staff myos into (thus creating a focus on lim traits to add value) so not even lims have trading power

they pushed out a new subspecies without thinking about fixing the lore people have been asking for since the species start, and then when confronted about it just said "whoopsies we r dum!!" then delayed the launch of said subspecies that WAS ALREADY LAUNCHED

they use insanely large images for their site, going against the recommended image sizes that lorekeeper gives you right next to the "upload image" button, creating such a workload for the site that now it runs incredibly slow because they refused to read and decided they needed 1000x1000 px images for items

they know NOTHING about their own tools to the point that members suggest very easy implementations and staff turns it down because they cant even begin to comprehend operating lorekeeper; when someone suggested allowing a volunteer coder, kea assumed that they could just delete the whole site which isnt possible at all. even the coder they currently have on has said they have no lorekeeper experience.

the staff are constantly mystified by the most basic parts of lorekeeper, even a glance across the extensions wiki gives you so many options for site features that are typically very easy to add outside of dealing with migrations.

even upgrading the site to v3, which theyve said is supposedly at the top of their priorities, should be incredibly simple considering how there are almost no extensions installed, but they still just havent made the change.

the team is incompetent and has been for a very long time. terras is dying and it has been for a very long time. we are halfway through the month of october and there is still no announcement for this month's event. it took them a full month after the birthday storm event ended to even roll the damn raffle because they just didnt give a fuck. hell, they probably didnt even have a design for it until someone asked in staff-ask saying "hey where the hell is it its been a month" and they had to scramble and throw something together

i just want it to be officially done and over with because its clear that everyone is moving on

[freebooter4ever]

So its hard not to feel completely out of place when your badge was only gifted to you because you happen to volunteer at a place every monday at the same time a Legend does. There's not a lot to volunteering - it doesn't require qualifications or a portfolio, you just have to know how to sweep leaves and cobwebds and memorize a ton of historical facts, and also wave to guests as they go by on the train. And here i am being introduced to important people with this sticker on my badge, and i want to go hide under a rock. BUT. But. Then a thing happened.

Dont get me wrong, i still absolutely do not belong here. But today as i sat down to lunch with everybody, somehow we got on the topic of googling people and jeff was being all 'i never google anybody i just ASK' and me and the wife of the Legend were disagreeing with him (the only two women at the table). And i told jeff i googled him after we met, and he was acting as if this was a betrayal, but i was like 'jeff, you were a man twice my age suddenly inviting me to things and spending a lot of time with me. of fucking course i googled you extensively'. And the Legend's wife was nodding along with me. And she added on that she googled ME.

And of course i was sitting there like Oh Fuck. How much of a panic should i be in right now?

And then she leaned in and said "your drawings are really good by the way. [the legend] thinks so too, we were looking at them".

I'm terrible at taking critique. I'M EVEN WORSE AT TAKING A COMPLIMENT. I was in like 100% panic mode, i dont remember how i responded, i was mostly just sitting there in shock.

So here's the thing about The Legend's wife - she's an artist, but not as loud about it, but every bit as talented in her own right. And she's intimidating. Not because of anything I've seen her do. But because everybody who intimidates me is intimidated by her, so its like passed down intimidation. (personally i've witnessed her hold court over an entire dinner booth full of fellow women in the industry who were giggling and chatting up a storm and i think the 'intimidation' is heavily skewed towards men).

One time after the Legend gave me a tour of the studios I baked him chocolate chip cookies as a thank you. And his wife happened to be there when I finally got the chance to deliver them. And she didn't try one in front of me, but i heard from jeff a few days later that not only did she eat a cookie (unheard of) but she also said it was the best cookie ever and that it actually made her want to drink milk (and she hates milk). And holy shit i was so proud, jeff was acting like i'd been annointed by a king. It was very clear that if i was to try to impress someone, she was the one to impress.

What im saying is, she has very high standards, she does not bullshit anyone, and unlike a lot of people in this industry will not give out praise unless its genuine.

And she liked my drawings ;_;

This weekend is over for me, im done, pack up, go home, it cant get better than this, ive peaked \o/

[maxellminidisc]

Thanks for that. Was gonna rb but didn’t want a man who slept with teenagers or dressed up as a nazi to promote his music to be considered a “legendary bisexual”.

No prob, its something I try to remind or inform people about regularly because it gets brought up CONSTANTLY in bi circles. And I do it cause I grew up with Bowie as like a figure of worship practically in my family for year and do not want other people to continue to be that ignorant about him and his bullshit either. When I looked into him a little bit after his death, it shocked me that like the industry really let this fucking weirdo (derogatory) piece of shit be successful for so long. Also sorry I'm about to make ur ask a whole essay lsksjdkdnfkd

But I'm glad you brought up the N*zi shit cause I do not see that acknowledge nearly enough. Like this man has a highly documented and studied phase of his career (Thin White Duke Era) that revolved around being obsessed with f/asc/ist theory and figures and even formed a persona of the "Uberm/ench" and shit and people STILL listen to it and hold it as a pinnacle part of his career. Those of us who aren't freaks aren't reading or are too familiar with fa/sci/st theory so its it's so fucking batshit to think that he basically exposed listeners (AND BLACK ARTISTS HE WAS WORKING WITH AT THE TIME) to it without them realizing it. Like its sooo engrained into his music that people who've studied his work have pointed out so much of his lyrics from this time make mention of terminology and shit that fas/cis/ts, particularly naz*s used.

People and even himself excuse it by saying he was like high off his ass for most of it but like that still doesnt make any of it remotely ok or like even a little bit comprehensible. Only a white man would be obesesed with H*tl*r and N*zis as a fun lil "out of my mind" thing. And it's not like people weren't completely unaware either though because leftist groups in England called him out for that shit, yet nobody gave a fuck. Frankly, the older I get and process his history, the more he comes off as such a typical fucking white artist who fed on shock value at the expense of so many marginalized groups to keep going and other white people ate that shit up and made him a musical god for it. It's really some pathetic shit.

In general though, it's sadly really common that people hero worship a shit ton of "rock icons" like him without at least putting into consideration, let alone acknowledging that so much of the culture in Rock scenes fosters abusers and pedophiles, ESPECIALLY in the older days because these things were normalized. It's so fucked that like sleeping with underaged girls became a kind of passage of cool for these fuckers and they STILL brag about it. I cant begin to number the times I've gotten into with like Led Zepplin fans especially about this. It pisses people off to make them realize a lot of their "rock heros" are shitty people, but like it's something that has to be done.

If anyone wants to read about this a little more to be informed of this shit (the n*zi shit in particular because it is...extensive) I recommend reading this article and this one which also points out Eric Claptons horribly racist/xenophobic behavior and how it led to Rock Against Racism. Tw for nazism and fascism of course, and racial slurs in the second

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 21

A/N- Thank you to everyone who’s still reading! I think there’s gonna be one more part and an epilogue then this will be done :) 💕 

32 weeks Pregnant

"Im so over being pregnant now Wanda you have no idea!" I moaned as we sat in the newly decorated nursery folding the baby clothes id washed through. The extension was finished and Bucky, Steve and Sam had done a great job of doing the twins nursery.

Wanda had been amazing helping me with the girls, i was always so tired nowadays.

"I bet, it looks uncomfortable now. Im glad I'm only having the one!" She laughed holding a hand against her own tiny bump, she and Sam had found out she was pregnant 4 months ago.

"I told Bucky id be the size of a house with these boys! You've seen the size of him so its no surprise is it!" I laughed shaking my head as i rubbed the side of my stomach.

"You okay?" Wanda asked looking concerned.

"Yeah think I've got a foot digging in somewhere.... their running out of room in here now"

"Not long now hun"

"Im counting down the weeks, this whole pregnancy has flown by up until now! Now its taking forever"

"You getting nervous?"

"A little bit, but mostly i just want them here already"

"When is Bucky due back from his trip?"

"Later tonight, it was meant to be tomorrow but he won the case, it all got settled a lot earlier than he thought it would, his driving back tonight"

"Do you want me stay over until he gets home?"

"Its fine Wand his already arranged for Steve to stay when he gets back with the girls and stay until his home"

"Thats okay then, i just didn't want you being on your own"

"Im never on my own lately" i shook my head and laughed.

"Their very protective" she agreed, they had been terrible lately! One of them was always with me incase anything happened. The only reason they weren't here now was because Wanda was here!

"I know they mean well but they are driving me crazy! Every time i go to get up their there! I cant even go to the bathroom without questions"

"That would drive me crazy too! I'll kick Sam's ass if he does that!".

We spent another 30 minutes or so sorting the clothes and other bits before heading downstairs for some tea. Not long after that Steve got back with the girls, he had taken them to the zoo for the day and they all looked exhausted... Steve included!

"Hey you guys, have you had a nice day?" I asked as Allie and Brooke came straight over and cuddled up to me.

"Yeah it was soooo good" Allie smiled up at me before stroking my huge bump.

"Hi baby brothers! I missed you"

"I just felt a kick" Brooke laughed holding a hand to the side of my tummy where i had been feeling it before.

"Looks like they missed their big sisters huh?" I smiled at them both.

"Im gonna head home now Steve's back to keep you company. Call me if you need anything" Wanda said hugging me goodbye before saying goodbye to Steve and the girls and heading off.

It didn't take long for me to fall asleep once Wanda had left. Steve ordered some pizza's for the girls dinner because he didn't want to wake me up, when i finally did wake up the pains in my side were back with a vengeance!

"You okay sweetheart?" Steve asked looking worried.

"Yeah just getting uncomfortable.... would you be okay keeping an eye on the girls while i go take a bath, see if it eases off a bit. They might move a bit so its not so bad"

"Yeah sure"

"thanks Steve" i gave him a smile and went up to the bathroom.

STEVE'S POV

I was sitting in the living room watching The Lion King with the girls when i heard Y/N calling for me.

"Steve...?....STEVE!!"

"What??" I called back rushing upstairs to the bathroom "What is it??!" I asked from the other side of the door.

"Erm...I think the babies are coming!" She called back sounding like she was freaking out.

"Oh shit..... have your waters broke?!"

"How do i know im in the tub!! All i know is it hurts like a bitch!"

"Okay. Okay.... let me call Sam and Wanda to come look after the girls and i'll take you to the hospital"

"Call Bucky!! If this is it i want him there!"

"Okay im calling him now" i told her pulling out my cell and dialling Bucky.

"Steve...." she said quietly from inside the bathroom.

"Yeah sweetheart?"

"Im gonna need you to help me out of the tub..... i can't do it on my own"

Oh shit!

"Hey Steve, everything okay?" Bucky answered after the second ring.

"No Buck! No! Everything is not okay! I think Y/N's having the babies and now i have to go help her out of the tub!"

"What?? But its too early! This isn't supposed to be happening yet!!" Bucky said loudly "I'm still a couple hours out.... erm can you get her to the hospital and i'll meet you there?.... call Becca to come watch the kids...."

"Im gonna call Sam and Wanda their closer, Wanda said to call if we needed anything"

"Okay that works"

"Buck, what about the fact i gotta get your girl outta the tub??"

"Steve!! Will you hurry up for fuck sake!" Y/N yelled through the door.

"Just do it pal, you gotta help her for me"

"Okay, I'm gonna put you on speaker...."

As i opened the bathroom door i stuck my head in slowly and let out a sigh of relief when i saw she had pulled her towel over her to hide her nakedness.

"Did you reach Buck?"

"Im here baby" Bucky said as i put the phone down on the counter and went to help her up from the tub.

"Bucky..... how long are you gonna be?"

"Couple hours tops....i'll be there i promise! But i need you to go with Steve. His gonna stay with you until i get there"

"Okay".

Once i helped Y/N out of the tub i wrapped a dry towel around her and helped her into the bedroom so she could get dressed.

"Im gonna call Sam while you get dressed, i'll be just outside if you need me" i told her with a reassuring smile.

Reader POV

I was still getting dressed when i heard the knocking at the front door.

"Uncle Steve, Uncle Sam and Auntie Wanda are at the door!" Brooke called up the stairs.

"Okay sweetheart, can you let them in please?"

"Okay"

"Steve, you can come in I'm dressed" i called to him, he came in and grabbed my bag i had packed for the hospital and then wrapped an arm around me to help me downstairs.

"You okay?" Wanda asked as soon as she saw me.

"Honestly i have no idea" i shook my head and laughed nervously "thanks for coming"

"No worries darlin'.... i blue lighted it here!" Sam laughed, that would explain how they got here so quick.

"Okay lets get you to the hospital.... i dont want to have to deliver these babies" Steve joked before leading me out to the car.

When we arrived at the hospital they took us straight through to a delivery room and made me change into a hospital gown (which Steve had to help with!) And then hooked me up to various machines to monitor mine and the babies heart beats. Id been here for over an hour now and the contractions were getting so much worse, i was already tired and i hadn't even gotten to the bad bit yet.... I'm pretty sure Steve hates me for squeezing his hand so tight every time a contraction hits, but he smiles through gritted teeth and tries to keep me calm.

"I want Bucky.... why is it taking so long?" I moaned after getting through a rather bad contraction.

"He'll be here soon sweetheart" Steve smiled brushing my sweaty hair back from my face.

"Thank you for staying with me Steve, I'm not sure how id be coping on my own" i told him truthfully "owww! Shit my back is cramping...."

"You can turn her onto her side and rub her back dad" a nurse that i hadn’t even noticed til now said to Steve as she checked the monitors.

"Oh... oh I'm not dad, I'm dad's best friend. His on his way"

"Oh sorry i just assumed. You can still help her out though" she shrugged.

"Sure, i can do that"

"Its fine you don't have to....." i started to say not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

"I got you, come on lets get you on your side" he smiled helping me roll onto my side so he could massage the cramp from my back.

"Oh my god Steve! You've got magic hands i swear!" I moaned as the pressure started to ease.

"Don't let Buck hear you moaning my name like that sweetheart he might kick my ass" he chuckled trying to make me laugh.

"Too late punk" came the voice of the man i was waiting for.

"Bucky! Your here!" I cried as he walked over and kissed me.

"I told you i would be didn't i?"

"I was just trying to help" Steve said quickly holding his hands up.

"I know, thanks Steve. Thanks for looking out for my girl" they exchanged a manly hug before Bucky took his place rubbing my back.

"Anytime, girls got a grip on her just a heads up. I think she broke my hand"  we all started laughing at that but the room fell silent when the alarm on one of the monitors started going off.

"What is that.....whats going on?!" I said panicking as the nurse came back in followed closely by the Doctor. The Doctor stood at the machine looking at a print out before turning to face us.

"Lay her on her back please.... at last one of the babies is in distress" the doctor said. Bucky helped me turn onto my back again and the Doctor started pushing around at my stomach.

"Ow!!!" I cried out in discomfort squeezing Bucky's hand.

"What are you doing!?" Bucky snapped at him looking like he was ready to murder the doctor.

"Im trying to turn the babies a bit, i think one of them may have the cord trapped...." he said as he continued trying to manipulate the babies positioning. Suddenly the alarm stopped beeping and he stepped back to the machine.

"Y/N, i think we're going to have to perform a c-section. The babies are in distress and your not dilated enough yet to do this naturally. Usually we'd give you some medication to help you along but i really don't want to leave them much longer. The quicker we can get them out the better" 

"Okay.... whatever you think is best Doc. I just want my babies to be safe"

"Nurse go tell them to prep the OR"

"Yes Doctor" she said quickly before rushing out.

"Lets go have these babies shall we?"

I nodded at the Doctor and turned to look at Bucky "Buck im scared"

"You'll be fine baby, i'll be right there. You've got this" he smiled kissing me quickly.

"I'll wait in the waiting room, good luck sweetheart" Steve beamed down at me pressing a kiss to my head before hugging Bucky. The nurse came back with a porter who pulled my bed out and started wheeling me down towards the OR, Bucky walking along side me holding my hand as we got ready to meet our newest additions.

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

@bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense @heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan @ladymelissastark @93generation @sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple @Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31 @superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language @booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl @wildest-dream- @michelehansel @thummbelina @abbylizy @sweetlittlegingy @lorabem @barnesandrogersworld @dumblani @broco8 @xxloki81xx @keithseabrook27 @jesseswartzwelder @saiyanprincessswanie @stormi-ames

[seoafin]

jjk & tower of god chapter on the same day,,, i spent all of my brainjuice talking abt tog w some friends + working on my wip so this one might be incoherent LMAO but nsjdhfjd this my 2 cents for the chp (1) - 🐱

first of all, the zenins shld just eat shit 🥰 the bar is just nonexistant now 😭😭😭

also maki’s mother said sth that hits way too close to home for me too🥴

the maki & mai, megumi & tsumiki "make a place where they are happy” parallels...mai,, maki wanted a place where u'd be happy!!! 😭😭😭 good points abt any interesting nuances the original jpn might have had though

ALSO MUSCLE MAKI IS HERE

and lmao megumi's "ew no" face ,,, i didn't think he could make a face like that JDJJDJD ,, once again i think his outsider-insider status is interesting but the amount of ppl counting on him/leaning on him bc of strategic position is a lot. ig this is what kamo meant by supporting the 3 families,,,, gojou indeed is playing the long game. megumi in the meantime, very persistent in not getting more involved in clan politics, not using power that is offered to him, or leveraging it - in a way it is good, and it also makes sense with "stress is other ppl" but is interesting from a structural pov. megumi may not rly give a shit abt the rest of the jujutsu world. if the ppl close to him are affected, then he cares. otherwise, forget it.

also im interested in power implications here bcs it sound a little like there’s a slight split b/w leadership and everyday zenins and im curious what it's like if u have no connection to the top of the clan,, and again higher ups being unaffiliated with the 3 clans so they have to appeal to them. curious what other talents the gojou clan have and what they're known for bc clearly it's not just gojou, they still have power without him and still have a stake in the shifting power structure. kamo must be busy too...

MAKIIIIII ,,, honestly my heart hurts a little seeing her getting beat up in recent chapters. but i’m rly happy,, shes FINALLY getting the focus she deserves and i’m confident she will make a recovery and she IS in fact the one leading efforts on the zenin side. im rly hopeful she can take over the clan one day and no longer say she's not good enough

that stomach wound is bad news though so im wondering how she will come back from that,, that she didn't know her own father's abilities says a lot, too. i wonder if she could see the extension of his blade, or if she hasn't been able to see/understand many ppl abilities

im hopeful for next chp now. u can do it maki!!!!

flashing back on these bits, it makes more sense now why megumi wasn't melting down post-shibuya,, seems most information came to him in a sort of timely and calm way? also i rly have to wonder if gojou did not spend a decade plotting in front him bcs he's done it before,,,, like the whole clan head scene in megumi's middle school years....in a way i imagine he wouldve seen that gojou come out of the high school and watch him get more serious as he acquired even more skin in the game

all the time though i wonder abt megumi's tendency toward inertia and nonaction to things that would seemingly give him power and trying to understand it and that IS him being selfish and that IS,, imo the biggest indication of what he actually does or doesn't want. he wants it, he will act and work on it immediately himself. he doesn't like it? act like it doesn't exist. it make me want to shake him around like NO!! megumi pay attention!!! But his reaction to this clan stuff is a contrast to his behavior in recent chapters imo

and more mahjong references,,, between this and yuuji’s pachinko,, i wonder abt the undercurrent of gambling haha. a gamble for the shaman world and who will come out on top? a contrast to the flowy ocean imagery that connects shaman stuff out to the rest of the world

also this ,,,, there's that one jp tweet (i cant find it again😞) that talks about how toji, as the point of distortion, created megumi, who is currently playing a potential convergence/healing/uniting role (if he actually takes it on as a responsibility lol) and connects this back to the medicine buddha,,, whose mudra (hand sign) is used for chimera shadow garden. with the commentary abt ppl with heavenly restriction needing to know what to throw away in order to become strong or tap into their full strength and toji’s commentary at the end of fight with gojou,,  i actually always felt that toji died not having been entirely resolved with himself bc he talks abt going against the self that decided to forget abt self-respect, to live without thinking abt himself or others,,, in a way, living selfishly, for himself, by ignoring anything immediate and i think he succeeded for a while bc he didnt even remember megumi's name. he remembers it when he talks to getou abt him being thankful for toji not killing him bc of potential drawbacks

and at the very end he thinks of megumi again and that last act does think of someone else, like a "life before your eyes" moment where toji thinks about how the zenin's treatment of him led him there or how his return to shibuya ends with him remembering how he gave megumi back to the zenin,,, i think atm of his death he was starting to think he did want to care, in a different way, or that he needed a different paradigm. or,, maybe he was just starting to realize how far the zenin thinking had set into him

so we dont rly talk abt that being an enlightenment moment for toji but i kind of think it was. that megumi has the potential to become a pivotal piece as a legacy of distortion is interesting. i dont actually think toji set up everything intentionally bc he didnt know megumi's ability, and i dont think he wouldve thought that far. i think a lot of the heir and inheritance stuff is sth naobito set in after seeing megumi's development under gojou. it's clear now everyone has been keeping eyes on everyone else

at some point there's some interesting discussion to be had abt megumi and privilege - i'm surprised the canon characters dont hate him more for having stuff just fall into his lap, and so i liked that maki pointed this out that he could use this and he shld bc theres a frustration there - and yet at the same time megumi himself seemingly feels very little attachment to the zenin and the shaman world still. he just cares abt his little circle of people, and it's a very intentional choice, based on his good/bad ppl thing

u cant really affect the entire world, but u can assert urself on the environment around u and decide what u do and dont act on. this part of megumi is more teenage boy and kind of toji-like, i think,,, hence the emphasis on action

u express ur effect and existence through action, who u kill or who u save. toji having very little, while so much falls into megumi's lap while he doesn't want it, doesn't want to acknowledge it, likely doesn't want to take part in a system he doesn't like or, having been raised under gojou's wing, resents or finds corrupt or useless, or doesn't even think on bc he thinks its above his pay grade and gojou's there - this is also megumi's moment to solidify his own direction and commit to working in the system or out of it

the "not caring" is a defensive measure in a way too, i think. i dont think megumi is Big Good and wants to save everyone and everything and the world to be good and pure, i tend to think of him as a resigned chaotic neutral, who wishes he could be good orz

ANYWAY i think there's some interesting juxtapositions with the whole toji > megumi thing, that someone who is born without, restricted, births and creates someone full of blessings. its very shaman-like, action then reaction

AND i wish u luck on ur final paper (bless ur eyes to see incels bc i’ll just log off for the day when i saw one (1) of them on the net) AND DONT FORGET TO TAKE A REST,, the self care is much needed me thinks <333 (2) - 🐱

i love u 🥺🥺😭😭😭 you take care of yourself too!!!

also ur right...all this political intrigue im so curious i need to know how the jujutsu world is structured in terms of the higher ups and the clans. like i assumed that the three clan elders WERE to some extent also part of the higher ups???? but now it seems that the higher ups are a separate entity altogether, so like checks and balances i suppose. except both the higher ups and the clans are corrupt so no balance there 😭

the chapter implied the zenins are losing when it comes to the power struggle between the three clans. im interested. i want to see them all rot!!! like i also said though it’s going to be interesting to see the state of the kamo clan though, considering “noritoshi kamo.” like what do you even say to that???? im going to be surprised if it doesn’t affect their standing in the jujutsu world but then again the kamo clan IS one of the big three.

megumi really is a character that was blessed in all regards but like. doesn’t want anything to do with it LOL he really said ‘this is a pain no thanks.’ like gojo like megumi i suppose. i agree with u the whole toji and megumi set up....genius....i also love their juxtaposition. it’s so interesting and another source of irony.

[superbatheadcanons]

ay how you doin hope u have a great day can u write some fluff hc with superbat and the batboys aged down. idk does that make sense ?hope so. k bye

Sure! Let's say that this was done by a villain of sorts. Their beam was suppose to take away the initial powers/advantages of a superhero, but it failed and instead just set the person back to restart. (Baby/toddler) This also means a mind wipe so the children won't remember.

Dick is 5. Cassandra is 4 1/2. Jason is 3. Tim is 2. And Damian is 3.

Bruce can no longer talk to his children in his normal voice and exclusively talks to them in his "my precious baby" voice. Not condescendingly, just super in love. Clark also reserves that voice for his children. But Bruce is far worse.

At first, Bruce and Clark thought they werent going to be able to take control of 5 rugrats around the mansion, but as it turns out, they're better parents to toddlers than to teenagers.

Something that Bruce missed out on with his children was reading to them. He can now use his extensive knowledge of spy stories Alfred read to him to his children. It's always a hit.

Bruce got to see Little Dick do some of his first acrobatics like tumbling. Dick's face when he pops back up after a successful tumble sends fireworks to Bruce and Clark's heart. They cant help but smother him in kisses.

Because of the ten year gap Bruce has with Damian, he got most of the time alone with Bruce. Every laughter, every smile, every cry, every pout, Bruce saw more and more of a child he never got to raise. At night, Bruce held Damian the longest because he wishes he could go back those 10 years and raise Damian. All the tantrums and sleepless nights would be worth it.

Talkitive. The only way to describe Cassandra was talkitive. Lots of laughter, lots of screams, lots of garbled up speech, lots of shouting, lot of terrible sentence structure. They couldn't get her to shut up. Clark would talk back to her as if they were having a conversation and it would only rile her up more. Alfred would decide she was talking about how Bruce always left his wet towels on the floor of the bathroom and should be more considerate to his aging butler. With child in tow and a swift nod, Bruce couldnt help but incline. After a few days, It hit Bruce why she was so loud. Because she was never allowed to be loud or talkitive. He hated silencing her.

YOU BET YOUR ASS THEY HAD A PHOTO SHOOT! All different clothing, all different poses. Tim was a trip when the camera was on him and Jason would always try to steal his spotlight. Dick took "big brother pictures" with all his siblings, even gave Damian a kiss when told to. Clark is trying to figure out how to fit all his photos in his wallet, while Bruce is trying to find the perfect wall to put them all on.

All of them have said "Daddy" or "da" at least once while turned into toddlers. If that shit dont turn Bruce and Clark into complete messes, idk what would. Jason gets the biggest hugs when he asks for "Daddy"

Any night, AND I MEAN ANY, were immediately met with 10 minute hugs and chocolate milk, no matter how late.

While Damian and Tim were still in diapers, Jason wasnt. However, he turned out to be a bed wetter. Clark found out first when he caught Jason trying to cover it up with a towel. He changed the sheets then changed Jason. Told him that he also wet the bed when he was his age. Told him how his mother would never judge him and give him the best hugs to put him back to sleep. So Clark did just that and sent him back to bed.

Damian and those animals cracked everyone up. Titus, Ace, and Pennyworth all knew everyone, including Damian. They licked him, slept with him, Titus even picked him up. It was sweet and adorable until Damian had his whole face licked by Batcow and was left with cow salvia.

All of the kids were cuddly creatures. While eating, while watching TV, while playing, while reading. They wanted to be with Bruce, Clark, or Alfred. It was the norm to find Bruce being laid on by 3 kids at once watching TV. Bruce wouldnt DARE move.

Bruce and Clark had to return to work while the kids were still little, so when they both came home, they were run over by 5 toddlers are excited that "daddy" was home. Bombarded by drawings and sticky fingers and possibly paint? Bruce never wanted this dream to end. But it had to.

Before they had to changed back, that night Bruce got everyone in their bed and read "Goodnight Moon" to them. Clark scooted in on his side and watched the man he fell in love with read to their children. All of them fell asleep on Bruce.

"I dont want them to go"

"They're not going anywhere, Bruce. They'll be right here"

"No they won't. Not like this."

Bruce sobbed before they were changed back. Clark held his hand through it. He shed a tear or too.

The kids don't remember much about their little endeavor, but all of them had a sense of contentment about themselves. When they asked Bruce about it, it was met with "The laser turned you into children, Alfred took care of you while we figured a way to turn you back."

It would of ended on that if Clark didnt come by and told them that it was a joint effort between the three of them, but Bruce did a lot of the watching and playing.

[midoriyaizukustan-inactive]

Also,,, uh,,,, If midoriya let out all his emotions, bc he is such a good boy, he'd feel so fucking bad and start sobbing like 'IM SORRYY I DIDNT MEAN IT A R R AJTJENFJGN' even if bakugou didn't care,,, Midoriya would definitely act like 'NOOO IM MEANT TO BE A HERO HOW COULD I SAY THIS TO SOMEONE WHO IM PROBABLY GOING TO NEED TO WORK ALONGSIDE IN THE PRO HERO FUTURE R A A A WHAT IF I GET FANS AND THEY FIND OUT AND GIVE ME HATE ALL MIGHT SAVE ME' AND IN ALL HONESTU, I FEEL LIKE ITD HURT HIM MORE

hold up imma boutta project/analyze

ok so i do believe ur right that midoriya would feel absolutely AWFUL before, during, nd after any conversation that is a confrontation w baku

i believe this for a couple reasons;;;;

1) midoriya has a hard time letting loose negative emotions that like. arent characteristic of a “good person”. like he refuses to let himself act out and/or respond in ways that may be a little mean bc he just. idk if this is canon technically but like from what i can analyze abt his character, he hinges his self-esteem on being a good person. so, if he were to ever act in a way that would Question that notion, i think he’d fall in on himself. so he doesn’t have any experience letting loose such emotions nd he’d be scared of the aftermath of doing so, not just bc of bakugou, but also what it might mean for who he is

and also 2) as fucked up nd complex as his relationship w bakugou is, he does care for him. i think its also canon that he hates him at the same time?? so hes got a lot of internal conflict over him, let alone bringing it out into the light and trying to mediate between those two sides of himself during a conversation

and then 3) he spent a long time like,,just pushing bakugou’s assholeness off?? like he knew bakugou was like a dick but he cared for him and didnt want to ruin his future w his personal beef (even though he was entitled to like u dont use ur quirk on someone @/young baku) so he just shrugged off the incidences the best he could. to confront baku abt everything tho, he would have to acknowledge everything that happened to him nd that would be so taxing emotionally he’d have to face the fact that he never even got a childhood bc of the relentless bullying not just from baku but the rest of his peers and oh GOD

so its bc of these three main reasons i think midoriya would l o a t h e to confront baku abt anything, and if he did confront him, he’d feel awful afterwards

HOWEVER he has good friends now and he knows what a good friendship is supposed to look like and also his self-esteem and self-image isnt so crippled anymore and he knows he deserves basic decency now and bakugou like.....for years never gave him that. for YEARS. and it cost midoriya many things, the least of which were having friends/a sense of importance

so like. i think for months he’d be warring with himself over “to talk or to not talk” bc,,,the three reasons but also he wants ANSWERS bakugou was so awful to him for YEARS he wants the REASONS he wants an APOLOGY he wants to be TAKEN SERIOUSLY because DAMMIT people -- teachers, peers, strangers at parks, whatever -- all simply WATCHED him being brought down OVER and OVER and OVER and he just. he needs to know he needs closure he needs. he needs.

SOOooo i think one night he’d just snap like baku does smth snarky or w/e and midoriya just completely freaks the fuck out

its a screaming match and midoriya can hardly breathe thro his tears but he NEEDS baku to know and he NEEDS answers and he just. he cant keep this contained any longer he will literally die if he tries to keep this to himself to his grave

so midoriya probably pulls a conversational curveball (probably brings up baku s*icide baiting him) and baku just freezes

while baku is frozen midoriya just fucking spills his entire guts and heart out and at the end he tries to demand an explanation but his actions have caught up with him at that point nd midoriya cant even move hes feeling so many emotions and oh god. he just yelled everything at bakugou

if midoriya could stand he’d probs run away but he cant MOVE fam his heart’s just so heavy

anyway theyre probably heard by like Everyone in the dorms so when the silence stretches on midoriya’s friends probs come in and help him to his room while baku’s just left to like digest all of that

back in mido’s room he’s probably crying just not as loudly bc “oh god im such a bad person i was supposed to keep it to myself i was supposed to be better im supposed to be a good person what good person would scream at the person theyve known the longest im so awful hes right im useless im evil im so fucking-” nd midoriya’s friends Quickly put an end to that the best they can but yknow midoriya’s just all over the place tonight

anyway some hours later baku knocks on the door nd under the izucrew’s monitoring, baku has a talk w midoriya

midoriya didnt rlly get to ask bakugou why any of their past happened, but bakugou feels like he should tell him his side of the story since midoriya told him his

nd its not,,satisfying cause bakugou’s still trying to figure out his past actions and motives himself but its something and hes actually remorseful and also he heard midoriya out and doesnt hate him so midoriya will take it

anyway once bakugou tells his side, he ends it with a *gasp* actual apology!!!! and he promises to do better

nd midoriya’s like “i cant forgive u, not yet at least, but like. thanks for this” bc hey he got his closure yknow

so theyre probs just rlly on uneven footing w each other for a couple months before midoriya asks if he wants to try as friends again nd blah blah im sure we all know the story from there

SOOOOOOOOOO basically; ur right midoriya would feel like complete shit before, during, and after the conversation(s), but i think in the end it would be beneficial for both him and bakugou’s character

cause bakugou will see how his actions hurt the person he’s known the longest firsthand, and the person who’s done nothing but admire him will snap at him for the first time, nd i think that would lead to good introspection on baku’s side

nd ofc midoriya getting to spill his entire guts would be cathartic as shit he’d feel a lot better after getting it out there instead of trying to keep it pushed down. plus, bakugou (or anyone else for that matter) wouldnt hate him for talking abt his feelings SO yeah after he accepts the situation Happened he’d feel,,a lot better,,

so like. to midoriya this whole conversation would be like a necessary evil thing, but it would help him and by extension bakugou, not hurt them

anyway thats my hot take dkjfdkjnk this became half a fic so i apologize anyway stan midoriya thanks thats all

[carotriesstudy]

When you’re not doing well at uni and failing

okay, i know im not the best at keeping this blog bc its like not a physical thing so i forget i have it lol

but i wanted to just talk a little and vent bc of my life is pretty shit atm (the tips at the start are written post rant to actually give some advice instead of just venting)

Tip 1 - get out of bed

I know its hard, I could spend my life in bed and tbh I do. but I also know that while it feels like taking care of yourself to relax, I know it’ll make me more depressed. and it's super hard. I constantly tell myself to get up while lying there an entire day. but when you feel that little spur of energy or in my case annoyance lol use it. get up and get out. 

Tip 2 - get out of your room

this is similar to tip 1 but if you find yourself in lack of motivation or energy go somewhere. take a walk, or go study in a library or cafe. and this can be even harder. having to get dressed? maybe interact with people? are you kidding me? but the minute you get out and even when you interact with people it feels better. you aren't holed up in your depression or whatever might be bothering you. 

Tip 3 - it’s okay and it’s going to be better

right now it's shit. and it feels like its never going to get better. and that you're stuck in this rut forever. but things will turn even if you don't want them to. there can be a comfort and security in your depression bc it gives a reason to why it feels like its right. but you know what also feels like that? the good, and hopefully there will be more of those. 

Tip 4 - do as much as you can handle

it's easy to not do things. I haven't done anything all semester. and it sucks bc it's biting me in the ass now. and it's not like I don't have the time. I just don't have the energy. so when I have the energy I need to remember that reading 3 pages of assigned reading is still better than none. I go to class even if I'm not paying attention bc it gets me up and out but also it gives a good idea of what I need to focus on etc.

Tip 5 - its okay to “give up”

i dont like the phrase giving up that much bc it sounds like defeat. i am in a process of severly considering not starting again next semester bc of my mental health. its serious consideration. but its one i need to make and if i decide not to go, it doesnt mean i gave up, i just realised that my current situation iisnt good and that i need to change stuff before i can continue instead of wasting my time doing a shit job at an expensive uni. so, thats good. figuring out what works and what doesnt is only a positive thing

today im in a somewhat good mood despite learning i failed my stats exam (dw its not bad we have multiple so i can still pass)

but the thing is, i have been in a very bad place or a long time and it has really been affecting me and by extension also my education.

i feel apathetic towards everything, im uninterested, and the stress and obligatoin feel i used to really on to study isnt kicking in anymore due to the apathy

im constantly tired, i cant get out o bed in the morning and we have madatory attendance (which probably is good bc otherwise i wouldnt be going to class probably)

my concentration and attention is somewhere completely different atm and its been weeks like this (usually its a few days) and i cant control it very well and its making it hard for me to study and pay attention

im letting myself slip, my room is slipping, my health is slipping

while im trying to get better and be more social which is easier than studying bc usually its just me and this one friend getting high and watching stupid videoes which is nice bc its a break to feel happy and entertained but its also not good for me

back to school stuff since this is a study blog

im no doing good in any of my classes, i barely passed two exams, failed one and possibly one more

i have an exam on friday i need to study for, and one on monday. i neeed good grades in these to make up for the not so good marks i have received before

and while i know that taking care of your mental health is more important not feeling like doing academic work is bothering me a lot actually and its a hellish circle of poor mental health leads to poor academic performance which then leads to poor mental health

and while my apathy and alexithymia saves me from feeling sad or upset by my grades i know deep down i want to do well. i want to succeed. 

i cant keep not working, i need to put in work if i wanna improve. this isnt high school anymore

im doing some hard courses this semester and while i am usually interested in most of them i cant seem to care 

im doing better today mentally and i feel up for getting some stuff done so im going to exploit that but i also just want to sleep and wake up feeling actually awake for once

im also getting sick so thats fun

my parents are also making me see a therapist (i haven't started yet) and i think thats a good idea but i have a lot of anxiety about it lol hence why i need therapy 

im also going to talk to counsellor at school and see what she can help with as well

idk what id going to happen but im trying to finish my semester and get back into a good study rhythm. I anyone wants to throw some advice or encouragement my way id really appreciate it.

[nowhereiswhereibelong]

73 Questions

I mas tagged by: @mrs-machinegun-norris about two centuries ago sorry

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

• 5

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

• #sadbicht

• Cause I'm a bad bicht you can't kill me, only I do that

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

• Aaron Taylor-Johnson

• Colson Backer

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

• The crazy bisexual is on the loose

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

• That I cant handle silence

What’s your wake up ritual?

• All my cats and family yells at me till I roll of take my meds and stare at the wall till I'm late

What’s your go to bed ritual?

• Make sure I cleaned the litter box and that my cats have food and water then is up to bed and reading anything and everything till I fall a sleep

What’s your favourite time of day?

• Night time (I get the zoomies), or when I'm home alone

Your go to for having a good laugh?

• I really like comedy and some that make me laugh even when I watched 1000 times: John Mulaney, Daniel Sloss, Russel Howard and Sarah Millican

Dream country to visit?

• As many as I can! I have an extensive list

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

• Last semester 3 professors at university were really supportive and understanding and I didnt expect them to be so kind or belive in me that much.

Heels or flats/sneakers?

• Sneakers everywhere all the time for any given reason

Vintage or new?

• Vintage bits and pisses of different eras but late 80s early 90s give me live

• And I'm obsessed with 70s buildings dont know why

Who do you want to write your obituary?

• An creative stranger - go nuts dude freak people out

Style icon?

• dont have one I guess

What are three things you can’t live without?

• My cats

• My phone

• My guitar

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

• I'm crazy about mustard

• My dad always says anything salivary can be better with cheese and anything sweet be better with chocolate - not that far from the truth

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

• Elvis Presley

• Jane Fonda

• Janis Joplin

What’s your biggest fear in life?

• Failure

• The dark

Window or aisle seat?

• Window: you can look at the view, it's better for sleeping and during the day sunlight for reading

What’s your current TV obsession?

• A have many, it's a problem, but right now mind hunter

Favourite app?

• Instagram and tumblr

Secret talent?

• I like to lie to myself and say acting but maybe just weirdly good at pretending to be good at things (ain't that the joke huh)

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

• I would say it was dumb, stupid and streamly dangerous but when I was 16 a friend and I went to some guys house in a very weird neighborhood and lied to our parents about it and only 1 other friend new (also our taxi couldn't find the house). We meet those two guys at a friends party and they said that they were throwing one and that we should go, and our dumb selfdestruting alcohol hunting minds though, why not. It was not a party. It was just a hang out with us and one other guy and to this day I dont know how we left at 7am (the only way to get out of there was the first bus because uber wasn't a thing yet and me and my friend were to scared of what kind taxi driver we would find) unharmed and not sexually harassed, given that one of the dudes that our friends new more hated me for a few months for not putting out for him, cause you know, men.

• I'm absolutely sure they wanted a sex party that didnt happen. But I did show my unasked skills of knowing every single black veil brides lyrics.

How would you define yourself in three words?

• Anxious

• Laud

• Loyal

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

• The stolen 80s tshirts from my dad

• High waisted shorts

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

• A comfortable pair of jean shorts that you feel pretty in

Superpower you would want?

• To stop time

• I get to anxious trying to time manage and it just snowballs from there. And sleeping in without being always late.

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

• Machine Gun Kelly (I stared listening to his stuff a few months ago)

• But always and forever is the passion that moves people

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

• Be/do to other people what you wanted to be done for you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

• It's not just on your head it's a real thing, you're lot alone, and it ok to need help.

A book that everyone should read?

• Harry Potter: that even thou I have read multiple times it still is amazing and full of symbolism that people brush through some times.

• Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

• My older sister made me start this book and its absolutely live changing and I belive should be obligatory to all women in this world. This book is a live long work by this psychologist and through miths, legends, folk tales and stories she puts together what she calls the wild women archetype and what is the feminine instinct is and how those tales teach us about it and how to have a healthy relationship with her.

What would you like to be remembered for?

• For being kind

How do you define beauty?

• It's an powerfull force within

What do you ~love most~ only love about your body?

• The shape of my eyes

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

• Listening to music and dancing around

Favourite place to view art?

• I dont understand sorry

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

• Static supernova

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

• Guitar and piano cant choose only one

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

• My planned ones:

• Orca

• Felix felicis

• Tree

• Mother earth

• Penicillin allergy (I dont trust nobody)

Dolphins or koalas?

• Dolphins

• Did you y'all know that orcas not only aren't whales but belong on the same family as dolphins?

What’s your spirit animal?

• Orca

Best gift you’ve ever received?

• My cats (even thou there are rescues they're my little special gifts from nature)

Best gift you’ve ever given?

• On my best friend wedding my friend and I gave a performance as siluetes (it was private beach and all the light were off and we had the car headlights behind us) I played the song you are in love by taylor swift while she did an beautiful performance on silks the song represented their relationship and how she shared it if us in a very sacred way and the silks was a representation of her herself and how the 3 of us saw in the last few years her transformation from a very broken person to the women she was born to be.

• Yes we were crying the hole time but was the most genuine and beautiful think I ever done so yeah

What’s your favourite board game?

• Dix it, its awesome go play it pls

What’s your favourite colour?

• Petrol blue

Least favourite colour?

• The color of lentil soup my mom makes it looks like a baby have serious digestive problems

Diamonds or pearls?

• Diamonds of the symbolic value of "the pressure that could've break us made us into diamonds insted"

Drugstore makeup or designer?

• Drugstore makeup, the one I know that are real brands hauahauahs

Blow-dry or air-dry?

• Air-dry

Pilates or yoga?

• Pilates even thou I must prefer sports mostly

Coffee or tea?

• My blood is coffee at this point

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

• Wolrd, because English is not my first language and specially in an American accent the pronunciation of wolrd if simply the worst and is absolutely obnoxious and unsettling.

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

• Dark

• But my absolut favored is a 70% cacao white chocolate. It's incredible but I only got to buy it twice :(

Stairs or elevator?

• Stairs, I also love to sit on them

Summer or winter?

• Winter. I only like heat if I'm inside very cold water

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

• If nutrition value doesn't matter, ice cream

A desert you don’t like?

• Orange cake. Bad memories and I vomit every time I try to eat it.

A skill you’re working on mastering?

• Singing and playing the guitar

Best thing to happen to you today?

• I think I made a online friend :D

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

• That I'm kind

Favourite smell?

• Buttering sugar

Hugs or kisses?

• Hugs i Iike to be permanently attached to some people at times

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

• Domestic violence

• Parenting

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

• Today I was trying to play this song called Ronan and cryed my eyes out like all the other times I tried before It's a song of child cancer in the mother's perspective

Lipstick or lip gloss?

• Lipstick

• I'm a red matte lip stan

Sweet or savoury?

• Sweet

Girl crush?

• Billie Elish

How you know you’re in love?

• The only time I think I've been in love I only realised it because they left and I didnt understand why i was severely hurt by it and changed the way I created all relationships after that. And then it hit me

• So pain and heartache.... yeah that's depressing as shit

Song you can listen to on repeat?

• When the sun goes down - Arctic Monkeys

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

• My own self but not a anxious depressed mess just to feel what it's like

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

• That I dont need to make decisions

[risottonendoroid]

please for the love of the gods read this and tell me if it sounds okay.

  Giorno woke up surrounded in warmth, as usual. Under the covers, his arm was wrapped around a small boy. On his other side, another boy was practically spooning him. He glanced over at the clock on the wall. 6:42 am.

  The sunlight began to peek through the curtains, though it wasn't very strong since it was just beginning to rise. Unfortunately, Giorno was stuck. If he did move, he'd risk waking up either of his boyfriends, and he really didn't want to do that. They were both sleeping so soundly.

  Gio always woke up earlier than both of them. He was an early riser by nature, and no matter how late he stays up, he always wakes up around 6:30, maybe even earlier. In all fairness, his dad was the same way. However, unlike his father, Giorno wasn't a vampire.

  He closed his eyes and attempted to go back to sleep, but he just wasn't tired. Narancia stirred slightly next to him, mumbling something softly in his sleep. The blonde couldn't help but smile gently at how cute he was. He rolled slightly over in his sleep and fell off the bed.

  A short yelp escaped Narancia's lips. Giorno peeked over the bed quickly, hoping he was okay. This wasn't the first time he'd done this, but Giorno was always concerned when Nara had done something stupid and potentially injured himself. Fugo slept through the yelp, but woke up when Gio moved.

  "Whats going on?" he asked, soft and sleepy.

  "Narancia fell again. Are you alright?"

  Narancia gave a thumbs up to Giorno. "Fine!"

  Fugo groaned and flopped back onto the bed. "Why don't you just get your dad to buy a bigger bed for us? He has a shit ton of money, doesn't he?"

  Giorno got off the bed and helped Narancia up. "I'd love to, but you know how he is."

  "Super scary and intimidating?"

  "Sexy as hell?"

  Narancia and Fugo (respectively) said at the same time, then looked at each other with slight confusion on their faces. Fugo shook his head and looked back to Giorno.

  "Look, if we're going to continue cuddling like this at night, we either do it on the floor or ask your dad for a bigger bed."

  There was visual discomfort on Giorno's face. He didn't dislike his dad, but he certainly didn't really get along with him either. He was overbearing and overdramatic, along with plenty of other things.

  Speak of the devil and he shall come, there was a knock on Giorno's door. The door cracked open with a slight creek and a gleam from the darkness on the other side of the door. A pair of pinkish glowing orbs gleamed into the room. "Giorno," said the eyes.

  He didn't say anything, but he meaningfully looked into the pinkish glowing eyes.

  "Vanilla Ice made breakfast. Please come down with your boyfriends." With that, the eyes faded and the doorway was empty once again. A cool breeze blew in from the opening.

  Giorno sighed and began getting dressed. He considered wearing his suit, but then decided upon something more casual for once. Black high-waisted skinny jeans and a striped shirt he tucked into the jeans. Fugo started to get dressed to, following Giorno's example and dressing casual. Ripped jeans and a baggy red and black t-shirt. Narancia never changed out of his regular clothes, but considered it'd be weird if he were the only one not wearing casual clothes. He changed into a blue button down shirt with little oranges printed on it and jeans.

  After everybody got dressed, Giorno and the boys headed out. The hallway was dark, as the vast majority of the house was. Both Dio and Vanilla Ice were vampires, so the whole house had to have as little sunlight as possible. Neither Giorno nor his adopted brother minded, but Narancia had a hard time seeing even with the sun, so he clung to Giorno so he could guide him through.

  A few meters down the hall, another door opened and low light temporarily flooded into the hallway. A tall, slim figure slipped out of the room and closed the door behind themself. Giorno recognized him immediately. It was his adopted brother, Pucci. He'd known Pucci for such a long time that he cant remember a time he wasn't there. In more ways than some, he's raised Giorno better than Dio or Vanilla Ice combined.

  He'd been stand-offish lately though. Giorno had always known Pucci to be kind and polite and somebody he could rely on, but as of late Gio had rarely even seen him. He'd been quiet. Giorno had heard something about his behavior in passing conversations he heard from his fathers. Something about the prison Pucci had been working in as the priest there. It didn't really concern Giorno, but he was worried about his brother.

  There was a slight shuffle of feet, signifying that Pucci was in his slippers and more than likely still in his pajamas. It was early, after all. Giorno, staying quiet, walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Pucci seemed startled, but after realizing it was Giorno, patted the arms around his waits. Despite being in his early twenties now, Giorno was still rather short compared to the lanky man.

  "Good morning," Pucci said in a well-mannered voice. Giorno only hugged him tighter as a response. "Sorry that we haven't spoken lately. I hope you've been well." Pucci glanced over to Fugo and Narancia. Pucci started walking towards them as non-threateningly as possible, but Fugo was gripping Narancia's blue shirt sleeve.

  "You're Giorno's boyfriends, right?" He paused for a minute, as if waiting for them to confirm, then continued on. Pucci was honestly just assuming they nodded. He couldn't see much of anything in the hallway aside from their dark outlines. "Why don't you boys follow me downstairs? I'm sure you aren't familiar with the layout of the house yet."

  Fugo and Narancia each felt a warm hand on their shoulders. It seemed kind and inviting, just as Pucci had. They each made confirming noises. By this time, Giorno had let go of Pucci's waist and allowed him to lead the way to the stairs.

  A bit if light flooded in onto the stairway, just enough so that the people traveling up or down them wouldn't trip over the stairs or their own two feet. It was by this light that Narancia and Fugo were finally able to get their first glimpse of Giorno's brother. They'd heard stories of him, but never really seen him. The Brandos weren't really a family that kept photos or family portraits around the house. Giorno probably had a photo of Pucci in his wallet, but they had never thought to ask him about it.

  Pucci was indeed tall and slender. He was dark and well shaved. His eyes seemed to glimmer, even in the low light. He did seem tired, as evident by the dark circles under his eyes. His pajama pants and baggy white shirt didn't exactly help either.

  The boys already knew he wasn't Giorno's blood relative, so they weren't much surprised at how different he looked from Giorno and Dio. They didn't know the whole story, but apparently Pucci and Dio met in an odd way.

  Dio was hiding in the chapel Pucci was working in. Pucci tripped over him while he was under one of the pews. Dio claimed to be allergic to sunlight and asked to stay there until sundown. They had a short conversation and Dio said some cryptic stuff about gravity having a play in people meeting each other. Pucci was 16 at the time. A few years passed, Pucci got involved in some shit (but thats stone ocean spoiler stuff so i wont go into depth), and eventually found himself in Cairo to find Dio again. Which he did. He's been with him ever since, sort of adopted by Dio. They would read together and stay up late talking. They'd build

model ships and planes together. Normal father son stuff. Pucci, strangely enough, stayed devout to God, despite being taken in by a vampire.

  The stairs seemed to go on forever, but they eventually got to the bottom. It was still dark downstairs, but not as much ad it was upstairs. Dio had lit a few candles so that it would be easier to see. The path to the kitchen was lit up, which was really nice.

  Pucci took his hands off of Narancia and Fugo since he figured they could find their way to the kitchen by themselves. He still took lead of the group though, guiding them to the kitchen. Giorno took the rear. He was mostly keeping lookout for his father. There was a possibility he was lurking somewhere in the darkness observing him and his boyfriends.

  They eventually reached the kitchen. Unfortunately, the house was unnecessarily large. They didn't need such a big house, but all of the extra rooms that weren't in use as bedrooms were used for Dio's extensive library. He'd collected probably thousands of books in the hundred-fifty years he's been around. Some of them were research books, some of them were fiction, some of them were diaries he'd taken from the women he'd claimed. He claimed that he's read every book at least twice over, even if the book was dully written, as he was committed to it once he had started it.

  Vanilla Ice was seen at the stove, wearing a cheesy 'kiss the cook' apron with hearts on it. His hair was loosely pulled back into a bun. Lucky for the boys, he was actually be wearing pants for once. In one hand he held a plate with a tall stack of pancakes on it and in the other he held a spatula. Dio was sitting at the table reading the news paper, supporting his head with his free hand. He looked up from the paper and gave a warm smile to everyone walking in. Pucci pulled out a chair for himself and sat next to Dio. Seeing him in the light now, he looked like he could've still been asleep. Giorno would've suggested he took a day off, but he stayed quiet. He looked to Vanilla Ice and gave him a smile, then pulled out two chairs for his boyfriends, inviting them to sit.

  They hesitated. Giorno pulled out the two seats across from Dio. They looked at each other, them as if they both thought the same thing, Fugo sat in the seat closer to Dio and Nara sat in the seat across from him. There was one seat between Fugo and Dio which Giorno left for Vanilla Ice. Giorno made sure everyone was situated. He didn't sit quite yet, walking over to the coffee pot and pouring it into a novelty mug with Hello Kitty on it. Two sugars and a bit of cream later, he sat it in front of Pucci. Giorno then sat in the chair next to Pucci, who nodded as he picked the mug up and took a sip.

  Vanilla Ice set plates and silverware in front of everyone at the table, then began dealing out pancakes. He then placed the butter and syrup in the center of the table where everyone could reach. Before sitting down next to his husband, he gave him a kiss on the cheek, then smiled, pleased with himself.

  Breakfast was spent mostly in silence. The pancakes were light and fluffy, which Narancia made sure to tell Vanilla Ice. Fugo enjoyed the flavor of them, but couldn't finish his plate. Pucci still looked half asleep through all of breakfast. It wasn't until he had finished his second cup of coffee and his pancakes that he finally looked alive. Giorno and Dio seemed to be avoiding eye contact. Their eyes met every now and then, but quickly darted away. Dio looked down at his paper mostly, smiling at others misfortunes and pointing out certain pieces of news to Vanilla Ice.

  Pucci looked at the clock on the wall and quickly cleaned up his plate and area, then rushed out of the room after pecking his dads on their cheeks and patting Giorno's shoulder. They had exchanged knowing eyes before he left.

  Giorno looked back to his plate. It was covered in left over syrup. He concidered taking one more pancake to sop it up, but didn't want to over eat and feel miserable for the rest of the day. He noticed that Fugo had already called it quits, but narancia was like a bottomless pit when it came to Vanilla Ice's home-cooked meals. He had to stop himself from cooing over how cute his boyfriends were in front of his dad. He couldn't show weakness. He was fine with being soft around Vanilla Ice, but being sot around Dio was like asking to be bullied senselessly. He felt his dad glaring at him over his paper again, but he continued looking at the syrup on his plate.

  Giorno stood up, plate in hand, walked to the sink and rinsed it. Fugo tried to hand him his plate as well, but Narancia looked at Fugo with puppy eyes so he could get his remainding pancakes. Fugo sighed and passed his plate over, then sat there, resting his head on his hands. At this point, they were really just waiting for Narancia to finish up. After that, hey could leave.

  The front door opened and closed quickly. It sounded like Pucci had left for work. Giorno couldn't help but looking over at the door in curiosity. The door was always triple locked, but he was always worried that somebody would walk through one day. The house itself always seemed empty, aside from Pucci leaving every morning and coming home every night. Sometimes people would stop Gio on the street and ask him about the house, if it was just him and Pucci living there. Many people thought the house was haunted or abandoned and that Giorno and Pucci were living in some run-down dump of a house. The curious people on the street were what scared Giorno. He hated the idea of them getting caught up in the mess that is Dio Brando.

[tired--nb]

"Haircut"

Finally gonna post this oof it's called haircut bc you dont own me and I cant title things for shit

Anyways its 2,839 words so buckle up for a kinda long one thats undercut.

Lynn sighed messing with her hair. Now that she's growing it out it looks awkward. It's annoying, she's never cared how others see her but damn, it looks bad. When she finally laid her head down in defeat she heard a knock.

“Hey hun, it's dad I have something for you.” her dad said opening the door.

She laying picked up her head and leaned back in her chair, “Lit, thanks, dad. What is it?”

He fidgeted a little and pulled out a small, light gray and blue box. “Well, since your hair will take a long time to grow back I bought you a gift card to the hair salon down the street. So you can get a haircut or extensions. Whatever you wanna do.”

“Thanks, dad. I'll walk down there tomorrow after work.” she took the small box and placed it on her desk, then gave her dad a hug.

“It's no problem, I wish I could have gotten a gift card to a fancier place but money's tight right now, especially after that villain destroyed the shop,” he said hugging her back and sighing.

“I said it's it's fine dad.” she insisted, as they sat there in comfortable silence.

Soon though her dad pulled away, “Anyways I have to go get your brother. Be home in a few.”

“Ok, see you when you get back,” she replied stretching. Once she was done she moved to her bed and sighed. She had a lot to do today, but honestly, she was barely motivated to get up. Hell, she got up and went right back to bed. She laid there for god knows how long until she heard her dad and brother come in.

Joseph immediately barged into her room and belly flopped on her, “Lynn!! I'm home!!” he said excitedly. “Get up! Get up! Get up! We have to water our veggies!!” he was now standing in her, chest.

She looked at him and smiled, quickly grabbing him and flipping him onto the bed. “First off, calm down. You little rascal. Secondly, ok let's go.” she said still smiling.

Joseph sprung up and cheered, “Yay! Oh! Oh! Oh! Can I get a piggyback ride there?!” he jumped up and down on the bed, his red hair flying everywhere “Please, please, please, pleeease?!”

“If you stop yelling,” she replied, he shook his head up and down furiously. She laughed a little and moved to the edge of the bed.

Joey quickly latched on to her and yelled: “Go!!”

“What did I literally just say?” Lynn asked kinda turning her head towards him.

“Not to yell…” he mumbled, looking down.

“Exactly. Now, off we go!” she said happily as she carried her brother through the small house and to the smaller backyard.

Joseph practically jumped off Lynn's back and ran to get the watering can, “I’m gonna get the water!” he said running back inside.

Lynn gave a small nod in acknowledgment and crouched down to look at the plants. As she looked at the plants she didn’t notice any extremely chewed up leaves. She sighed, “Hey dad good news, whatever was chewing up our plants last week stopped.”

“Awesome! They didn’t eat of any other the actual vegetables right?” he asked from the kitchen of the house.

“Nope, just wanted leaves, I guess,” she said as Joseph came out the watering can floating around him.

“I did it, sis! Look! I can orbit the water container now!” he exclaimed running up to her.

She pats him on the back and smiled. “Nice! I’m so proud of you. Now could you hand it to me?”

“Sure! Catch!” he said as he flung the watering can out of his orbit and straight a Lynn.

The watering can slammed into her and knocked her over. By now the water was all over her. “Joseph you know that is not what I meant. You need to be more careful. You can't control how hard you fling things yet. You could have broken the watering can, or even hurt me.” she scolded him, as she stood up.

He looked down at the ground and kicked at the dirt. “I know… I'm sorry…”

Lynn sighed and stood up, grabbing the watering can. “It's fine now just be careful.” She slowly walked up to Joseph and poured the rest of the water on him when she was close enough. “And now we’re even.” she pats his back.

“Hey!! Don’t do that! These are my school clothes!” he said puffing out his cheeks.

“And? It's the weekend they'll be dry by Monday. Anyways I'm gonna get more water.” she said walking inside. She went into the kitchen and placed the watering can in the sink. “Man when Joey flings stuff outta orbit it hurts.” she placed a hand on the spot where it hit her.

Her dad looked up from what he was doing and looked at her, “You ok? I can heal it for you if you want me too?” he said with a little bit of concern in his voice.

She shook her head, “I'm fine, I can heal too you know?” she replied, turning on the sink.

He let out a nervous laugh, “Of course, but I still worry. I am your dad.”

“I know, I know.” she said, then started humming a song called ‘Home’. The pain in her stomach slowly started to fade.

“Oh for dinner I'm making beef bowls,” he said as he cut some vegetables.

Lynn stopped humming and replied, “Lit.” she turned the sink off and picked up the watering can. “Welp I'm off.”

“You say that like you're going to be gone for awhile.”

“I mean I probably will be.” she joked and walked back outside, back to humming. “I'm back Joey, you didn’t break anything did you?”

Joseph looked up at Lynn and smiled, he had a bunch of dandelions orbiting him. “No!” he stuck his tongue out at her.

“Good.” She stuck her tongue out back at him. Them she moved and started watering the garden. Starting with their two tomato plants and ending at their two pepper plants. Their garden wasn't big, at all. But it was enough for them and they were grateful for that.

As Joseph put more dandelions in his orbit and Lynn admired the garden, their dad called for them to come into the living room.

“Joey I know you haven't done your homework so start on that.” Joseph sluggishly got up and grabbed his bag, moving to the small table they had.

“Now Lynn,” their dad turned to Lynn. “have you done your homework or the school work from today? I know you came home early so you have extra work.”

Lynn let out a groan and sighed, “I'll do it now, I guess.” she walked to her room and sat down at her desk. She heard a muffled ‘thank you‘ from her dad and replied. “It's whatever dad.”

She pulled out her work and stared at it. She has no motivation to do it, honestly. She let out a small puff of air and pulled out an old mp3 player of hers, putting on her headphones and grabbed her pencil. Luckily they didn’t start anything new today so it should be easy. Slowly but surely she worked through all of her homework, but before she could finish she was called for dinner.

She quickly walked out and joined the other two at the table, “Thank you for the food dad.” she said before digging in.

“Yeah, thanks for the food dad!” Joseph said with his mouth full.

“No need to thank me. And don’t talk with your mouth full Joey, it's gross.” their dad replied before taking a bite.

The three of them ate in peace until they were all done. “I can do the dishes dad,” Lynn said already picking up everyone's plates and stuff. “Oh and I'm gonna be up a little late tonight I have to finish my homework.”

He dad nodded, “I'm gonna put Joseph to bed, don’t stay up too late.” he got up and shooed Joseph off to their room.

Lynn absentmindedly did the dishes as she thought about tomorrow. She was gonna be quite busy, first thing in the morning she has to make breakfast, then once her dad goes to work she has to take Joseph to the neighbors so they can babysit him, then she has to go to work, and finally she has to stop by the hair place on her way home. She sighed, tomorrow is gonna be rough.

Once done with the dishes she went back to her room and finished the last few questions on her homework and went to lay down. She laid there for a little before she realized she forgot to take her medication. She got up and quickly shuffled to the bathroom, took her medication, and laid back down, eventually falling asleep.

She woke up to her alarm clock beeping, oh boy 7 am. She got up and made her way to the kitchen and opened the fridge, wondering what to make. Eventually, she decided on ochazuke, a simple enough meal for breakfast. She made it fairly quickly, placed the three bowls on the table, and went to wake up the other two.

Quietly she made her way to her brother and dad's room, she opened the door and went up to her dad first. She shook her dad’s shoulders lightly, “Daaaad, dad, dad. Get up. Time to eat breakfast and get ready for worrrrk.” he stirred a little and opened his eyes.

“Morning.” he half mumbled, Lynn took her hands off of his shoulders.

“Morning.” she smiled, then walked up to Joseph. She her hands on his shoulders at shook him awake. “Rise and shine, Joey,” Joseph grumbled and rolled over. “Aww… Don’t be like that Joey.” she half laid on his side, “Get up bum.” he pushed her off and pulled his blanket over his head. She laughed a little and hummed ‘Stronger Than You’, which is one of her favorites. She pulled the blanket off of him and picked him up bridal style, “Let's go.”

She walked to the table and placed him down by it, “Time to eat.”

Joseph sighed and sat down at the table, starting to eat. Their dad looked a Lynn and smiled, “Thank you.”

“No problem. I'll be right back.” she walked to the bathroom to take her morning medication. Once done she went back to the table and started eating.

Her dad finished first and kiss both Joseph and Lynn on the head. “I'm off to work, be good. Love you two.”

“Love you, dad,” Joseph said, with his mouth full… again.

Lynn lightly smacked him on the arm, then replied. “Love you too, have a nice day.” he did a small wave and left. “Ok, Joey dad’s gonna be gone till at out 6 PM and I'm gonna be home late today. So, there's a possibility that dad may get you from Nana’s, ok?”

He nods, “Ok.”

“I just remembered you're five and I'm probably speaking another language to you…” she sighed. “Anyways, you done?”

“Yeah,” he replies as he pushes his bowl to her.

Lynn nods and takes their bowl to the sink. She quickly washes them and takes Joseph to his room. She picked out clothes for him and helped him put them on. “Stay here while I go get dressed real quick.” She goes to her room and puts on her work clothes and her face mask. Then walks back to Joseph's room.

“Time to go?” he asked, holding the same small bag of toys he takes to his babysitter’s every time he goes.

“Yup, let's go.” she picked him up along with her keys to the house and left, locking the door behind her.

“Off to Nana’s!!” Joseph said happily as the crossed the street.

Lynn walked up to the house and knocked on the door, “Yup, too Nana’s.” eventually an old lady came to the door a bright smile on her face.

“Ah, Jojo! No-- Lynn! Come in, come in!” she moved and gestured for them to come and sit.

Lynn set down Joseph and walked inside, sitting down on the old lady's couch. “I know I say this every time I bring him here, but thank you so much for watching him. I don't know what we'd do without you.”

She sat down next to Lynn, “It's no big. He not too much to handle anyway.”

Lynn nodded, “Well I would stay and chat but I'm later than usual. So bye. Thank you once again.” Lynn waved as she left.

Once out the door, she started to hum ‘Bastille’. Immediately feeling lighter on her feet she jogged her way to work.

Eventually, she got there and opened the front door to the small grocery store. “Ah, Noah there you are! I thought I told you to be here a 9:30? It's 9:45!”

Lynn flinches at her deadname and sighs, “Sorry sir I was taking my brother to his babysitters.” Lynn looked at her hands, debating if she should say something, eventually deciding to. “Also, sir… My name is Lynn. Like I've told you every other day this week.” she fidgets with the bottom of her shirt.

Her boss scoffs at her, “Whatever get your ass to work. I've tacked at a full hour to your shift because you were late. Then had the audacity to correct me.” he glares at her, “You got that Noah?”

She flinches again, nodding. “Of course sir. I'm sorry I'll get to work now.” She quickly shuffled to the back room looking at the charts of what needed to be restocked. She spent the next 3 hours in what she’d call hell. Constantly being deadnamed, having to deal with her boss, and literally just stocking for 3 hours straight.

Eventually, her shift ended and she was able to go home. She walked home slowly enjoying the spring air. Thinking of what's yet to come. She has her UA exam coming up after school ends in a month or so. Then she has Joseph's birthday around that time too. Damn. Once she got home she grabbed the gift card from her room and left again off to the salon.

As she walked up to the small shop she wondered what she wanted. Well, she had no idea what she wanted. She’s just gonna go with whatever the barber wants to do.

She walked in and sat down. She had never been here and it's a little surprising to see only one barber. Right now she has that weird Justin Bieber hair, for lack of a better way to describe it. And she hated it. While it was the longest she’s ever had her hair it just looked weird to her.

As she sat there and thought the barber finished with the other customer and ask Lynn to come sit in the chair. Lynn obliged and say down.

“So! What are we doin today? What's the sitch?” the barber asked, he was a young with shoulder length bleach blond hair that was up in a bun.

“Ah, I don’t really know… I guess I'll get that one haircut most boys get. You know the one where the sides and back are shaved and it's it's long on the top?” she replied.

“Sounds good. How long would you like the top?” he asked already snipping her hair.

She thought for a moment before deciding, “Just an inch shorter than it is now would be nice.”

“Okey-dokey,” he said then focused on cutting. After a little, he was done and showed it to Lynn.

Lynn studied it for a little then replied, “I really like it thank you. It looks a lot better.” better she thought for a moment then asked.

He nodded and went to a cabinet on the far wall of the building. “Wait are you ok with extensions?” he asked as he pulled out two darker purple extensions. He brought them over to Lynn.

“I mean I don't see why not?” she replied.

He sat there and thought about it a moment before clipping them above her ears, where the tops were covered by her hair. “There I feel like it looks better now.”

She looked at the mirror and smiled, “Yeah I'm glad you did that, I feel like it frames my face well.” she stood up and dusted off.

He smiled and walked over the register, “So how will you be paying?”

“Oh, I have a gift card.” she pulls out the gift card her dad gave her and hands it to him.

“Awesome!” he rang it up.

“Also you can keep the extra cash on it I don’t need it,” Lynn said as she went to leave. “Thank you once again.”

As she walked home she felt better about herself surprisingly. It was a nice change of pace.

[murdocsmacattack]

how murdocs obsession with mac has evolved and escalated  part 3

hole puncher

this is gonna be long as hellll but worth the read i promise

out of all the cells in all the world..you finally walked into mine

sooo the light of murdocs lif- i mean  mac walks into murdos holding cell for the first time after there last encounter and murmur lights up like a fuc&ing Christmas tree ,the smile is so genuine that the audience can feel murdocs excitement through the screen , so much so that his disappointment when maddy appears just behind him is also evident

murdoc was obviously hoping this would be a one on one chat , his irritation with maddys precedence only reduces when maddy demonstrates she has some teeth and even then murdoc only shows a mild amount of interest in her he "likes her a lot" tho apparently thats not enough to make her as interesting as macgyver , the conversation maddy wants to have with him is in fact , actually interesting , and yet despite maddy being in the room its mac that has his interest and holds it even when maddy is the one actually addressing him and he is the one addressing maddy , its mac that has 99.9% of his focus and attention , to the point that he even looks back and forth between them as if to see how the conversation hes having with maddy is effecting mac ,in fact the former statement at maddy and the way in witch it is said while looking at macgyver makes the statement itself almost seem like some aggressive innuendo directed at him even tho murdoc was addressing maddy , and thats just the start of murdocs fuc&ed up flirting that will follow

exhibit b

murdoc continues with the statement that this visit is "a pleasure" so much so that hes not even bothered they dragged him away from the bold and the beautiful (by the by , the fuck Chanel murdoc be watching cause that shit dont play here anymore ) mac explains there here because murmurs been hired to kill someone , cue murdoc emoji

murdoc gets all giddy thinking hes going on a trip in phoenixes favorite rocket ship , tile mac shuts that shit down and says there going to cosplay instead , murdoc again cracks a genuine smile complete with creepy laugh and proclaims macgyber is simply "delightful" but that thats not enough for murmur to play dress up with him , and instead states suggjestivly that he needs more motivation then the simple challenge set in front of him,to witch i have little doubt that if actually asked what he wanted the answer murdoc would have given would have had something to do with the boy sitting accross from him and a little human wreckage .

all i want to do is be more like me and less like you 

after we get a peek behind the Vail at murdocs humanity and  maddy convinces our friendly neighborhood physio to play doctor- i mean teacher with mac , murdocs habit of whereing his obsession on his sleeve can begin in earnest , mac and murdoc are left to themselves and no sooner does murdoc get mac alone does he start playing with him , macs simple questions are met with playful wit , until murdoc remarks on macs natural innocence in comparison to himself , and that if mac wants to overcome that innocence then macs going to have to succumb to murdoc and let him in

“good boy “

step one to this is apparently a hands on teaching moment, murdoc sends his little duckling out into a trial run with a couple whos daughter was murdered , and oh boy does murdoc looove having this kind of power over our boy , with his eyes on the screen and his mouth in macs ear, his delight at whats unfolding on the screen in front of him is quite clear, his role as the guiding hand to his murder virgin is a new dynamic between them that has murdoc buzzing with excitement and real pride when macgyver does anything right to the point where murdoc dauls out praise filled to the brim with sexual undertones when hes genuinely impressed ,as the meeting continues murdoc again reminds mac that if he wants in to his head he must let his darkness in in turn , but mac still struggles with this leading to failure

sins of the father but not the mother

holy shit was this little tid bit of a seance interesting to dissect , its such a small suddle statement on murdocs part that i dont think even mac caught it nor did murdoc actually fully realize he did it , but its so telling on what murdoc thinks of mac , and despite wanting to be the one to kill him , the feelings murdoc has regarding macs very existence that its a pinical moment despite its shortness , and its made even more interesting because its done completely through statements about macgyvers parents , not macgyver himself , mac storms back into murdocs cell enraged at the knowledge that murdoc kills for the mere pleasure of killing well "sometimes"

murdoc explains he wanted mac to use his failure to learn  the truth on his own so murdoc could then teach him further through his mistakes, fair enough and completely normal teacher behavior , until murdoc tries to make a personal connection between them by telling a story about his daddy eating peanuts witch murdoc is "allergic to" and then proceeds to make a creepy parallel where there the same only on 2 sides of the spectrum , and yet despite the lies it is laced with i truly believe this was an honest attempt to connect on murodcs part ,murdoc explaining that he believed killing was right, was a genuine act of openness , murdoc isnt actually obligated to explain himself in this sanario , but he does so regardless beacues doing so forces macgyver to understand him on a basic level even if he very much dosnt agree with him and dragging mac down to this level , who as a person sees the world in black and white , is a way in witch murdoc can reach him , and murdoc wants to reach him , murdoc lectures about the constant between predator and prey but hes seen first hand that thats not exactly what macgyver is, macgyver is a lamb but with teeth who knows how to use them , its new and something murdos never seen before and it makes him want to understand mac and just as much be understood by him

and again remember that prominent thyme i talked about ? murdoc just cant seem to keep his eyes off mac , tho this time around in this space where its just the 2 of them murdoc seems to want the favor returned , murdoc makes a creepy little head swivel move to try to maintain eye contact with mac when mac looks away  and it only solidifies the above idea for me ,murdoc wanted to look in macs eyes and wanted mac looking at him  the fact that he would want this at all is surprising , eye contact is a pretty straight forward form of body language, murdoc is making it clear he wants macs attention just as much as mac holds his and the act itself holds a strange undertone of intimacy

but this message isnt received mac not only looks away but continues to avoid further eye contact , until murdoc pulls him back in with a simple statement " I know that your sweet mother has passed, and you have my condolences." is all it takes to grab macs attention, it grabbed mine to, mostly becuaes of the statement that followed "But dear old daddy's still alive and well.I wonder what he's doing today.Oh, I think it's his fishing day." its as small and simple as the statement above it , and yet its said with a completely different tone , murdoc holds macgyvers mother in completely different regrades then macgyvers father , and the proof is in the words and tones them selfs , murodc says both as a jab meant to force mac back into the conversation and from what weve seen from murdoc thus far we know hes not one to pass up opportunists to play on sore spots to coax out negative reaction witch in this case seems to be the point

and yet thats exactly what murdoc does ,what is said regarding macs father is mocking and sarcastic murdoc makes a point to remind mac that his father is alive but not here and the words carry an undertone of distaste , however the only thing murdoc has to say in regards to macgyvers mother is, she was sweet , shes gone, you have my condolences, thats it , thats all ! murdoc makes this statement and then moves on and never touch it again , while murdoc was willing to verbally obliterate macs father to dig at him , macs mother is spared this tasteless treatment and what is no doubt sacred ground as far as macs concerned is kept well..sacred , why?

because macgyvers mother is just that ,sacred ground , while its not surprising that murdoc would have such blatant disregard for macs father given his abandonment and what murdoc has gone through to protect his own son ,his positive regard when it comes to macgyvers mother is as i said very telling but simple, macs mother is the reason hes here sitting in front of murdoc , shes the reason murdoc has had the chance to have this person who frustrates and integers him to no end , who makes him feel such passion , in his life ,in a world of choice where anything can happen macgyvers mother made the choice to conceive him , keep him , and then brought him into the world , in her short time on the earth she ensured that mac was born and was the person he was, she gave him to the world and by extension , gave him to murdoc , macs mother ensured his existence and murdoc has such intense feelings regarding macs existence  that that fact alone gains her murdocs respect

when murdocs words about daddy   do in fact cause the intended reaction however all murdoc can do is smile wide and say "thats my boy " ..kinky      

  from murdoc with lies    

macgyver returns fresh from his resent victory to simply give his thanks to his number one fan , murdoc brushes him off and in reply macgyver insinuates that in the short time theyv been together he now knows  and understands him better, murdoc  licks his lips and stacks his claim by saying hes for any outcome that keeps mac alive until murdoc can have his way in regards to him,  but also reminds mac not to get ahead of himself as he shoves a peanut in his mouth  in front of him to prove a point , however he also unintentionally proved another point , even tho murdoc completely lies to pretty much everyone else, he never completely 100% bull shits with mac , he clearly did love how peanuts tasted on his tongue seeing as he STILL eats them .again more honesty . and i believe this had everything to do with the respect mur has for mac

mac goes to leave the room slightly dejected and murdoc simply reminds him hell not let anyone else have him and whats happening between them isnt over, with a fiat smile ,

and there you have it guys look out for part 4 and 5 coming your way :)  

[glitchinthesystemspiderbyte]

[28] Glitch in the System - Practice Makes Breakfast

By K. Pretentious banter and omelets happen. _

"—all I’m saying is that his dying act of contempt for the Marquise is clearly implied as redemptive.”

“You can say that all you’d like— chef’s knife, please — but Laclos’s intent that the novel function as a critique of the perversions of the Ancien Régime and the fact he dies terribly imply the contrary.”

Akande handed Widowmaker the requested knife, holding the blade safely between calloused fingertips as he huffed his disagreement. “He only said that was his intent after the public outcry over its salaciousness.  He wrote to titillate, nothing more.”

Accepting the knife, Widowmaker began cutting the spinach splayed across the cutting board before her, slicing it en Chiffonade by the handful with mechanical precision.

“Unverified,” she replied, the word flattened by her otherwise occupied attention. “The intent is apparent. We are talking in circles now, Akande.”

“How is it apparent?” Doomfist asked for the third time that morning, half-laughing his dismissal as he cracked egg after egg into a mixing bowl.

“First: in the entire premise of the story. Second: in the writing of his successors, particularly de Sade. Sordid, oui, but the criticism persists throughout a substantial portion of his oeuvre. Consider Le Président Mystifié.”

Akande wrinkled his nose in disgust, glancing to the sniper beside him.“Do not talk to me about de Sade.”

“Why?”

“It has got to be a human resources issue.”

They paused, his dark eyes meeting her amber as a long note of silence stretched between them. On the mornings they were afforded time enough for literary discourse, they inevitably reached this point: Akande, drawing a line in the sand of their uncomfortably comfortable rapport despite their already having crossed it; Widowmaker, coolly ignoring it or, depending on the topic, acquiescing with an unsubtle air of smugness. She could never predict when that strange sense of misplaced formality would rear its head, and that alone made their occasional breakfast collaboration and the conversations therein all the more interesting. With so few indicators of the machinations informing his unflappable stoicism, those little tells were as poignant as they were fascinating.

This morning, she met his sudden obstinance with a quiet chuckle.

“What?” Akande asked suspiciously, broad hands dwarfing the egg held between them.

“We do not have a human resources department,” she smirked.

Doomfist opened his mouth to retort, but the soft, slow patter of sleep-heavy footsteps drew both their attention to the doorway where Sombra stood bleary-eyed and pajama clad, clutching Oso to her chest.

“You nerds know I can hear you all the way down the hall, right?” she grumbled, shuffling past the both of them toward the cabinet opposite the entrance.

“Good morning to you, too,” Akande quipped.

Rolling onto her toes to grab a mug, Sombra closed the cabinet doors and shouldered her way between her colleagues, concluding her pilgrimage toward caffeination by leaning Oso against the backsplash with a delicacy others would more readily afford small children or fine china.

“Salut, Oso,” Widowmaker murmured, eyes flicking upward in acknowledgement of the stuffed animal now supervising her work. Though she offered no such greeting its owner, she acknowledged the sudden presence at her side by leaning into it, cool, bare shoulders meeting the unfathomably soft weave of the hacker’s sweatshirt.

“You gave her a knife?” Sombra asked in mock horror, pouring herself a mug of coffee. Leaving her opposite side for the stove, Akande merely shrugged as he began adding bacon to a heated skillet, a scalding hiss heralding the end of each slice’s short, successful journey.

“We gave her a rifle, too.”

With as cryptic a smile as she could muster, Widowmaker set the knife aside and relocated the spinach from the cutting board to a nearby bowl. Replacing it with a few handfuls of mushrooms, she started on them one by one, dicing them evenly before adding them to the greens as she went.

“What’re you making?” Sombra asked, watching the sniper’s motions with interest that seemed to grow in concurrence with each sip of coffee.

“Omelettes,” Widowmaker said. “Bacon, Swiss, spinach, mushrooms obviously. Sun-dried tomatoes, maybe. If I am feeling whimsical.”

“You’re so good to me.”

“Who says it’s for you?” Akande asked over his shoulder.

“I’ll fight you.”

“I’d like you to try.”

“If you are going to wrestle, you are going to do it somewhere else. I have a knife,” the sniper interrupted pointedly, breaking from her work to lift the implement in question to better underscore that fact. “You,” she continued, leveling it in Akande’s direction, “finish the bacon so I can use the stove. And you—,” another pause, this time to gesture to Sombra, “can finish preparing the vegetables so I can take a coffee break.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” Sombra asked incredulously, hands raised palms-out as Widowmaker offered her the knife.

“Hardly,” the assassin replied, deadpan. Sombra took it with obvious reluctance, setting her mug beside Oso and before turning her attention to the remaining mushrooms with a mix of dread and resignation. Pressing a kiss against the shaved side of her head, Widowmaker followed in the hacker’s earlier footsteps, procuring a mug of her own and filling it. She watched the other woman from the corner of her eye, prolonging the action with pointed interest as Sombra sliced one mushroom, then another — her motions slow, unpracticed, and unsteady. Canting her head to one side, Widowmaker idly considered the series of questions and observations that crept to mind: did Sombra not cook? Clearly not with enough frequency to garner any proficiency with basic cuts. What did she eat on her own? Cereal? Hopefully not just cereal.

These were small things, little questions she’d neither thought nor had the occasion to ask. Sombra was a mystery, the life which predated her time with Talon obscured in significant parts and otherwise only glimpsed in the occasional, unpredictable anecdote. Widowmaker never pried, not even as their relationship shifted in scope: Sombra would tell her what she wanted, and that was quite sincerely good enough. Still, such small details were, if nothing else, interesting, and with what small degree of care she offered the hacker, so, too, did she extend curiosity as to the inner workings of her life.

As she watched, she noted a familiar frustration darkening Sombra’s expression: the knit of her brow and the frown that tugged at her mouth; the occasional colorful obscenity grunted between clenched teeth. Widomaker recognized it from almost a month ago, from their first attempt at taming the estate’s extensive gardens. This much she was familiar with: when the hacker wasn’t good at something, she spiraled - hard.

“Here,” the she offered, taking a long sip of coffee before setting her mug beside Sombra’s. “Let me help.”

Sidling up behind the hacker, she took each of her hands in her own, positioning them accordingly. It was more familiarity than she preferred to demonstrate in Akande’s presence, and that alone sent a transient rush of warmth creeping along her neck and cheeks; still, this was educational, and she brushed off that shyness with practiced, reflexive ease. Sombra glanced over her shoulder, meeting the sniper’s eyes with curiosity.

“Not sure help will do much,” she muttered.

“It will,” Widowmaker insisted. “Now,” she continued, firming her grip just enough to redirect the other woman’s attention to the task at hand. “For an omelette, you’ll want to perform a Brunoise dice - the smallest possible cut; this allows us to better mix the ingredients into the eggs. To start: cut the mushrooms into squares. It will make the subsequent cuts easier.”

She guided the other woman’s hands as she spoke so they performed the action in unison; together, they reduced a handful of mushrooms to petite cubes, setting the discarded, smaller bits in the bowl with the spinach to clear additional space on the cutting board. “Parfait. Now we julienne them. Thin cuts, a millimeter or two wide.”

She could feel tensile muscle tightening beneath her palms, the firmness borne of frustration resulting in a too-tight grip and uneven, slanted cuts. Sombra’s rigidity was practically its own aura, belying her displeasure at the imperfection of her work. Once, twice Widowmaker considered offering further instruction, but knew from experience that too much interjection would only worsen her mood. Instead, she simply maintained the contact between them, moving in tandem as she lowered her head enough to nestle one cheek against the other woman’s temple.

“Looks like shit,” Sombra sighed as she finished slicing the remaining mushrooms into thin strips. “Sorry.”

“Do not apologize. This will sound odd coming from me, but it does not have to be perfect. It is going to get put into some eggs and eaten.”

Clucking her tongue, Sombra chuckled bitterly. “Where is Widowmaker and what have you done with her?”

“You should ask her about the first time she tried making omelettes,” Akande smirked as he plated the bacon, patting it dry with a paper towel.

“Oh?” Sombra asked, eyebrows raised.

Widowmaker only shook her head, giving the hacker an encouraging nudge. “Finish these and I will tell you,” she insisted. “All you have to do is slice them in the opposite direction.”

Rolling her eyes, Sombra returned to the last of her work with the sniper’s assistance. “Loosen your grip, cherie,” she whispered gently, “and do not hold your breath.” The spy complied with some effort, leaning into the motion as she relaxed ever so slightly.

“You going to tell me about that first time?” she asked distractedly.

“Mm. Gabriel was cleaning it off the ceiling for a week,” Widowmaker answered, gradually relinquishing her grip as Sombra settled into the last of her task. While she still worked slowly, the repetitious, cyclical movements which comprised this particular assignment soon evened into something almost like fluidity as she eased into her work. Silence settled over the kitchen, Sombra cutting, Akande tearing the bacon into bite-sized pieces, and Widowmaker simply watching as the other woman allowed herself the same imperfections she only found acceptable in the kitchen.

It was strange, that she minded less here. In the field, precision and perfection comprised the razor-thin line between life and death. She was always two steps ahead of herself and three ahead of her mark - always thinking, always running, always calculating trajectories and wind drift and velocity and distance. A good sniper could juggle two of these; she juggled them all.

Cooking was different — if not out of necessity then out of the idle curiosity she harbored in the face of such a remarkably mundane challenge. Though she harbored little intent to pursue it seriously, Gabriel’s tendency toward a prepackaged diet of convenience - a habit she suspected had worsened in Akande’s absence - led her to commit to a culinary self-education. Progress was slow at first, her first serious attempts at preparing anything more complex than grilled cheese marked by insufficient portions and almost-fires and the occasional, mortifying brush with food poisoning. On those nights - at least the ones where illness wasn’t a looming threat - she would apologetically procure some less officious fast fare - a tacit apology for time and patience wasted on Gabriel’s behalf.

She stuck with it, practicing with the same unflinching dedication she exercised in every other aspect of life and finding it paired well with other habits: a prelude to an evening in, a coda to early morning calisthenics. Eventually, she stumbled into proficiency despite only having so much time to dedicate to what she grudgingly recognized as a hobby. Luckily, aspirations were the last thing on her mind; she simply found the practice, variability, and room for experimentation strangely comfortable. Nothing was ever the same twice and nothing was ever perfect, but the outcomes, at this point, were almost always enjoyable.

“Es todo!” Sombra chirped, triumphantly slamming the knife down and exchanging it for her mug. Widowmaker peered over the hacker’s shoulder to appraise the fruits of her labor.

“That is a lot of very small cubes,” she observed dryly, trying and failing to stifle the grin threatening the corner of her mouth.

“And?” Sombra asked, one hand drifting back toward the knife.

“You did well, cherie. They are beautiful small cubes.”

The hacker shrugged. “I didn’t hate that.”

“You will only get better with practice,” Widowmaker said, setting an affirming hand on one shoulder. “I can always use a hand in the kitchen.”

“That’s asking a lot, araña,” Sombra grinned, turning to face her. “Tall order.”

“I am certain I will find a way to make it worth your while.”

*Read from the beginning or check out our intro post! All stories tagged under #glitchfic. Table of contents located here.

[yakumtsaki]

We don't like to do too much explaining, story stayed the same through the money and the fame, cause we... STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW WE’RE HERE ♪

As loyal readers may or may not remember, my original plan was to faithfully follow legacy rules and slowly build a greek house for the kids, using w/e money we had in junior year. Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions! Which doesn’t really apply here but i like saying it. I’m actually not sure I even get what it means. Point is the nll update came in the meantime and despite my lawful intentions I was too done to build a house, so we commandeered the sorority house, banished DJ and co in the sim bin, added a gorilla statue and our proud letters (U-U-U) and here we are! I gave the house an extensive 10 minute makeover, bringing our funds to an impressive:

NOICE. We’re gonna starve but at least we’ll do it next to our bowling alley. Joining us in this glorious endeavor are Brit Brit, Melody and Frances J, while Wyatt and Ti-Ning have pledged and are expected to move in shortly. I doubt the sim world has ever seen such a bunch of assholes under the same roof.

Our first night is off to an incredible start, as everyone is starving, no one knows how to cook, we’ve ordered both pizza and chinese food and are thus completely broke, and megabitch Brit Brit has been hitting poor Fran with a baseball for 3 hours:

-Ooops, I did it again >:)

Idk but I have a feeling me and Brit are gonna get along great!

Finally, it looks like Fran is concussed enough to make a move on Jojo, which marks the start of the 3-man race for his tiny, vicious heart. Place your bets and take some dramamine cause it’s gonna be a wild ride. 

Case in point, it’s a new day in a new kitchen and Jojo’s mind is occupied by thoughts of everyone’s fav french-arabian prince, Wyatt Monif. Since Wyatt is a pledge and there are term papers that need writing we invite him over..

..and things are heating up. You know, if heating up means Jojo continues to be a pain in the ass and still doesn’t have a crush on Wyatt even though they’ve made out a hundred times. Jojo WHAT IS YOUR DEAL

-It’s called being a stone-cold motherfucker, you should give it a try. Now Wyatt, just because we’re best friends and semi-lovers doesn’t mean you’re still not a lowly pleb pledge completely at my mercy, so don’t get any ideas.

-Of course not, I’d rather die than disappoint my dear Jojό!

-Well let’s see which happens first.

-Oh, don’t worry, Gunthèr, it is I who will win Jojό’s heart!

-Yeah, I’m the complete opposite of worried.. whatever that is.

-Calm?

-WHATEVER THAT IS

-..Are you sure college is the right trajectoire for you?

Finally. THE TIME IS NEIGH. Hope you’re all ready for Ti-Nings personality panel........................

.............................................LMAO. Perfect Jojo match!

RICH BITCH CONVENTION. Seriously these 3 have a combined of what? 7 nice points? Put them all together and you make one bearable person.

-Aw, Jojό, is that a hunting knife in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

-I’m happy to see you!

-Ok I lied it was a hunting knife.

-Oui, I can tell :(

Small dick jokes aside, Wyatt is now not only officially in love with Jojo but apparently ready to commit his life to this monstrosity. Which you know, Jojo is a Union and I’m under contractual obligation to love him but Wyatt, seriously. You’re still young, a lot of fish in the pond, normal, nice, non-serial-killing fish..

-LOCK.THE.WANT.

Fine, can’t beat young love I guess! I mean if Romeo and Juliette teaches us anything...

...it’s that only death can.

For whom the bell tolls..

Oh Max........... the pleasure will be all mine.

One last kiss for the road... The road which leads to me never seeing Max’s fug clone ass on Jojo’s panel again.

Oh you’re a crafty one aren’t you!! Trying to charm your way out before I lock you in!! Thankfully Jojo has your number.

-Absolutely not, Max, I already have 3 people pursuing me, this is just excessive! Now get in there and die!

-Ugh fine, but my heart’s not gonna be in it.

Meanwhile, disaster has struck our house in the form of that stupid fucking coach, resulting in me facing the sight of Gunther doing lunges in this indescribable outfit. I don’t know how long it will be before I can look at him with the same eyes again.

-I suffer now but Mel is gonna thank me later ;)

Remember when you were an innocent weird little kid and not a sex demon??? Those were the fucking days.

Back in the yard and while the world awaits Max’s demise with bated breath, Frances has resorted to pulling dirty tricks. For shame, what did Wyatt ever to do to you, he’s a sweetheart!

-Well I’m not. And that’s why I deserve Jojo, unlike that family-aspiration-6-nice-points flop.

Yea you definitely deserve each other, no arguments here.

OH MAN, Wyatt is not playing around, he’s in it to win it. 

-Your move, Frannie. 

-Name your price, you french harlot. 

-Forget about it, mon ami, can’t buy me love.. Though I’m sure you’ve tried with that mug.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG FINALLY

-Ohoho suck it, Fran, I’m going napoleonic wars on your pasty british behind!

-Yes, that’s an apt metaphor considering the FRENCH LOST. Don’t get comfortable, pal, you won the battle but I’ll win the war.

-EXCUSE MOI, CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF JOJO FALLING IN LOVE WITH ME

I don’t mean to interrupt this thrilling conversation...

....BUT WILL MAX EVER EAT THE FUCKING CAKE

-Please bitch, the cake is a lie. 

God, fuck you, Portal, you overrated piece of shit.

Seriously guys, Wyatt is diabetes-inducing-sweet. He doesn’t even get mad when the cow does that pillow fight thing on him, instead he actually starts playing with him? What an angelic creature. I’m really starting to feel the urge to protect him from Jojo. If that plan goes as well as my plan to kill Max, WHO IS NOW BIRDWATCHING, you can count on them getting married by the end of this shitshow.

This rando ass prof comes to visit us and Ti-Ning has been mercilessly bullying him for the better part of the day. Ti-Ning, as much as I appreciate your relentless evilness, maybe you should focus your energy on something else, like perhaps going after Jojo aka THE REASON I MOVED YOU IN?

-Lol whatever, I have Jojo in the bag, he wants the one he cannot have...

Yea he also has 2 hotter guys than your bird ass after him, so time to step up! I mean look at this shit:

Wyatt has the relationship advantage, Fran the chemistry one, and you have shit even though you’re the biggest freak of the 3 and the closer one to Jo’s terrifying personality points! Take what is yours boo!

NOOOOO #REJECTED. Man that was some bad advice. Sorry Ti!

-UGH can’t believe I listened to you, ‘express my feelings’, what am I, 12?

Yea yea I’m sorry, let’s go back to your strategy of being a massive bitch.

The day is coming to an end. Jojo is eating pizza while his suitors work out..

 Gunther is back to doing ballet while Brit has picked up the mantle of torturing the prof..

AND MAX HAS YET TO DIE. JFC. At this rate he’s gonna die of hunger before he gets eaten which is not how I roll, I wanted something quick, painless and fun for his murder but WE CANT HAVE NICE THINGS CAN WE. Even in death you decide to be a fucking pain in the ass GOD. YOU ARE THE WORST. While I’m contemplating ways to solve my little Komei clone problem a little window pops up and my first thought is ‘someone died of hunger’ but then I look and what do I see....

A PLOT FUCKING TWIST, THAT’S WHAT. Our good Jojo here waited until Wyatt and Fran were conveniently both at class to go for it! And now the real race for the crown begins. In the game of thrones, you win or you die birdwatch next to a cowplant, apparently. JUST DIE ALREADY MAX. Be a pal.

[ioncewroteadream]

Beat of My Heart, Rhythm of My Soul

In which Isak is a rapper, Even directs, and two boys fall in love. 

Isak doesn’t know how it’s gotten to this. How he’s gone from just a boy in high school, messing around with his friends and freestyling here and there to this. A nineteen-year-old something in a meeting with a bunch of men in suits, discussing things like albums and PR and security detail. He looks over to Jonas and can’t help but give him an incredulous look of how the fuck and what the fuck. It’s completely surreal. Of course he knows how it happened. It was a lot of fun and work and fighting. Maybe he’s just wondering why it’s happening. Why them? Whatever the reason, he’s so grateful.

“So for the music videos, I was thinking we bring on Even to direct. He’s not a professional or anything, but the stuff he puts out is incredible and I really think his work really fits in with our aesthetic. I sent Christian some links the other day.” Magnus looks directly at their manager with a bright smile, who in turn glances around at the other men uncomfortably.

“Well, he’s certainly good. But we’re not too sure about working with someone so green. He has no representation or credibility in the industry. Really, I think you’d be better off with one of our guys. I can send you all some examples of things they’ve done - “

“If Magnus says he’s good then we’re going to use him.” Mahdi cuts in. Trust Mahdi to stop the bullshit. The boys have been relying on Magnus with their visuals from the beginning of this whole thing. Surprisingly, he’s incredibly skilled when it comes to cinematography. Isak nods along, because he trusts his boys. The older man gives a resigned sigh.

“Alright, if you insist. I’ll see what I can do, but in the meantime, take a look at our guys. I think that’s it for today. If all is good, I’ll be seeing you boys in a week or so just before the shoot. I might check in on the next recording too, but Finn should have that covered regardless.” Isak isn’t sure if he likes how Magnus was brushed off a little, but just shakes hands with them and lets himself be ushered out.

“So, uh, gutta, I’ve never actually seen this Even guy’s stuff before.” Magnus scoffs loudly next to his ear.

“Do you ever check the group chat? I’ve been talking about him for weeks.”

“Nah, he’s been holed up in the studio with Finn. Writing. You know, like actually doing his job. Instead of jacking off to some random YouTube director.” Jonas is an angel and Isak thanks whatever higher power that brought them together, daily. “Besides, this is exactly what I was talking about when they first wanted to sign us. First they take away our creative control, and then we’re singing fucking pop songs about love and brainwashing the youth. We’re being played right into their corporate game.”

“Oh fuck off, you weren’t complaining when their corporate money saved our asses from getting evicted.” They push each other, and it’s not malicious at all. Jonas goes on these tirades at least twice a week and Magnus always argues back. Mahdi hangs back and smirks at Isak and gets a small close lipped grin. Isak shakes his head still smiling, watching the other two play-fight ahead of them.

“You really should check his videos out, though. Mags is right. The guy is good at his shit. And, I know you’re busy or whatever. They’re putting a lot of pressure on you. But, uh, hang out with us sometimes, kay? We forget what your ugly ass looks like” Isak smacks the back of Mahdi’s head and lets out a laugh at the boy’s face.

“I’ll have you know that my ugly ass can still get more girls than you and I’m not even into that shit.” He makes a mental note to actually chill with the boys more often.

---

Magnus: www.youtube.com/user/evenbn Bc u aren’t a good frnd and im a gr8 1 Mahdi: holy shit why can’t you type like a normal person? Jonas: haha You suck a ttping *at typing Magnus: dnt bully me and u cant type either Isak: Thx for the link. With Finn rn but I’ll check it out later. Magnus: does Isak have a thing w Finn????? Hes always w him. Jonas: Finn is married. To a woman. And he’s 40. Mahdi: so close to kicking you out of the group

---

Writing is exhausting. Physically and mentally. Every song Isak has ever written is an extension of himself. The words he can’t say and doesn’t know how to say all out there on paper, waiting for a melody to carry it out to people who pretend to understand what he feels. His inability to vocalize his thoughts seem to disappear when he’s rapping, though. He’s an entirely different person when he’s rapping. He’s confident and strong and willing to express himself in ways that the real Isak has no clue how to.

It was his rap persona that gave him the confidence to come out to his friends. He wrote the song and recorded it by himself on his shitty laptop. Played it for them three months after it was finished. It took a long time for him to release the track. To be comfortable with himself, despite how easily everyone else seemed to accept it. But then he did it, and it propelled them further than they ever thought they could go. Suddenly everyone knew them and their songs were everywhere. The radio, in stores. Random people would stop them for selfies. And then there was the record deal. An actual company wanted them. These four boys who made music on the weekends, fucking around in their basements.

Isak lay back on his bed, staring up the ceiling, willing the loneliness that he sometimes feels to just go away. He’s becoming more and more successful, and relationships are becoming more and more fake. Sighing, he opens his phone, and deletes the numbers of people just trying to get another zero on their follower count. No need for people like that in his life. Then he finally opens the link Magnus sends him. There are about twenty videos, all of them titled strange hipster things. He can’t decide which one to watch so he taps on the first one.

---

Isak: nobody told me he was a fucking genius. Magnus: THAT’S EHAT IVE BEEN SAYING BOI LIKE I CREI EVERTIM Jonas: Ikr dude’s like a prodigy or something. I was talking to him back at Karl’s party. Graduated from Bakka, doing media studies at UiO. Top of his class and everything. Isak: wait are you guys friends? How come I haven’t met him? Mahdi: you would if you came out to parties with us Isak: your tone seems very pointed right now. Mahdi: :P Jonas: well you’re going to have to meet him when we do the shoot. He’s going to Stockholm for an award thing Magnus: try not to get too gay for him. He’s rlly hot and I heard he had a gf so Jonas: MAGNUS WTF Mahdi: MAGS U CANT SAY THAT no fucking tact with this guy Isak: that’s ok I’ll try to keep my gay on the dl if Mags does too. Sounds like the poor boy has a crush <3 Jonas: fucking savage dude Magnus: NOT GAY Not that it’s a bad thing. But im not. Mahdi: whatever you say man

Isak is too tired for this shit and would like to sleep thank you very much. So he definitely does not stay up watching every video on Even’s channel until he falls asleep.

---

even_bn: Hey Isak from Opprør, right? isakyaki: hi. yeah I’m Isak even_bn: Awesome. I’m a big fan :) isakyaki: same I mean, I saw ur stuff. Really good. even_bn: Really good? Be still my beating heart. What a compliment ;) isakyaki: I really really like it. Happy? even_bn: Very

---

The first day of the shoot finds Isak nervously pacing in an empty room he found. He’s not nervous, it’s just that he spent the entire week watching and re-watching everything Even posted. Instagram posts, tweets, interviews. Everything. They talked a lot too. Random posts sent over dms. Every time he got a notification, his heart would jump, every message eliciting the tiniest of fond smiles. And Magnus was right. Even is hot. And beautiful. He’s open and happy and Isak just really wants to know what his lips feel like.

So, no, he’s not nervous. He’s just…fuck it, he’s nervous.

“Isak, Christian’s got the director in the 7th floor meeting room, they want you there.” Isak nods and follows the woman out to the elevators. He’s got this. He can do this without royally fucking up. It’s just a guy. He can do this. Except he can’t and he’s ready to turn back when the rest of the boys round the corner, greeting him with shouts of his name. The door next to him opens and Christian pats his shoulder.

“Come in. We were just talking about some backup locations.” Isak looks into the room, and his breath stops for a second. Even is really tall. Like taller than Isak tall. And Isak is not short. At all. The second thing he notices is just how bright that smile is. It’s almost blinding, and Isak wonders if he just hands out smiles like that as if it were nothing.

“Halla boys. Good seeing you again. And it’s really good to finally meet you in person, Isak.” All at once he’s staring into the sun and Isak loses his words. Thankfully Even doesn’t seem to notice and shakes his hand, smiling down at him. Even looks up at the rest of the guys, not letting go of Isak’s hand, ignoring Isak’s beet red face.

“Thanks for bringing me on. It’s going to be fucking awesome.” With that he lets go and Isak can breathe again. The room gets a little dimmer when Even walks away, but Isak has space to think and what he doesn’t think about is the looks the boys are sending his way.

“So, I think we’re going with the darker approach for this particular song. I’ve got an image of what I want, but, it’s your song, so feel free to ask to change things or tell me if you’re uncomfortable. I want to make this something we’re all proud of.” They all head to wardrobe, animatedly talking about the shoot ahead.

---

“That’s a wrap on everyone, but Isak. Great work guys.” Even beckons him closer and Isak most certainly does not eagerly run up to him. It’s more of a smooth, quick saunter. Yep.

“Hei.” Even nods, trapping his tongue between his teeth for a moment. Isak is transfixed.

“We’ve just got a few close ups left and you should be good to go.” The way Even looks into Isak’s eyes burns him a little and Isak can’t hold the man’s gaze for very long. “But, uh, you seemed kind of out of it. Is everything ok? Or did you want to change things?”

“No, no. It’s just some stuff. I actually love what you’re doing with the video. You already know I like your movies.” Even’s impossibly close and the way he angles his head down makes Isak want things.

“I’m glad.”

“Even, there’s a bit of a technical issue. We’re going to need a couple hours to get back on track.” They both jump apart, forgetting that there were, in fact, other people around them.

“Shit. Ok. Everyone who doesn’t need to be here can go get lunch or just chill until we can get started again.” His hand finds Isak’s elbow. “Wanna grab lunch with me, then?” Even is a confident man. He doesn’t even wait for Isak’s answer, just walk away and expects Isak to follow. And, yeah. He does.

---

“So the song, Frelser. It’s really intense.” They’re sitting in a small café, and Isak is about to take a bite of the most perfect sandwich he’s ever seen. Deciding that not grossing Even out is probably better than talking through a mouth full of food, he puts it back down and opts for a quick sip of his tea instead.

“Yeah. It’s about my mom and like dealing with the shit life does to you. Saving yourself because no one else will. Pretty personal.” Even, apparently is not as considerate as Isak and continues to talk with bits of chewed bread falling back onto his plate. Isak shouldn’t think it makes him even more attractive, because it’s actually really gross. And on anyone else, he’d be repulsed. But everything about Even is kind of endearing. Isak has had enough gay experience to know when someone’s interested, and he’s almost certain that Even is interested. So he excuses it, because here’s a gorgeous boy who doesn’t seem to care that he’s sort of famous, and he’s interested.

“That’s tough. Like, that one line about angels being demons with better stories? Had me all kinds of fucked up.” Isak chuckles darkly. Because it was tough. He briefly remembers plates smashing against the wall behind his head. Bible verses shouted at the top of her lungs. He remembers his head being forced down into a full bathtub and his father coming home almost too late. It was fucking tough.

“It was tough. My mom. She, uh, she’s schizophrenic. Didn’t want to get help. And my dad left, so I had to deal. Fucking sucked, being 16 and having to be the parent all the time. But she’s my mom. I love her even if she’s insane.” Isak’s eyes widen in horror, because he certainly wasn’t planning on telling Even about his tragic past. He just has to scare off the one guy who actually seemed to like Isak for who he is. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to put that on you.”

Even’s hand covers Isak, but he doesn’t look up from his plate. “I’m the one who asked. You have nothing to apologize for.” Isak kind of just wants to kiss him because who the hell responds like that? “Insane,” Even mumbles more to himself than Isak. Suddenly, both of their phones go off.

“That’s us then.” Isak has to try really hard not to reach out to hold his hand on the way back.

---

even_bn: Romeo + Juliet isakyaki: what? even_bn: my favorite movie. I forgot to tell you. You know, when I teaching you what good movies are. isakyaki: oh my god. I can’t talk to you anymore. Romeo and Juliet. Fucking chick flick even_bn: I think you mean cinematic masterpiece. Don’t be so mean. Baz wouldn’t treat me like this. isakyaki: Baz? even_bn: Baz? Baz Lurhmann? Greatest director of our time? I don’t think we can do this anymore if you don’t even know this much. isakyaki: yeah well you can go talk to Baz if I’m so bad at it Pretentious fucker;) even_bn: ;)

---

Magnus: so I heard smth from an intern. Isak? Its about u Mahdi: if you’re going to gossip, you better provide. Jonas: yeah, don’t tease us. Magnus: Our lovely little Isak was wth EBN at a café. There are pics. All over twitter. I didnt no he was gay too. Thot he had a gf? Jonas: ppl can like girls AND boys dickwad Mahdi: honestly idk why we even put up with you Magnus: lol u luv me Isak: gf? Jonas: pretty sure he’s single. Don’t worry, man. You like him though? Isak: it was just lunch. Something happened with the cameras so we had free time. Mahdi: still didn’t answer the question Magnus: dude get it Isak: … Magnus: <3 Isak: you’re so gay

---

Isak isn’t avoiding him. Really. He isn’t. He’s just extremely busy. He’s trying new things on the studio and it’s really eating up his social life. So when his phone starts blowing up with notifications from Even, he’s feels a little guilty. He can’t just send him a funny post and go back to how things were, because now he’s certain that he’s feeling things and he doesn’t know if he can trust himself not to fuck up.

His phone buzzes again on his chest and he’s tempted to ignore it, except he’s actually expecting a call.

“It’s Isak.”

“Halla to you too.” There’s a laugh in the deep voice that Isak was not expecting to hear.

“Even?”

“You remember me? Today must be my lucky day.”

“I don’t think I gave you my number.”

“Oh. Yeah. I hope you don’t mind, I asked Jonas for it. I can, like, delete it if me having it makes you uncomfortable. We can go back to dms on Instagram, if you want.” Isak’s pretty sure he’s falling for him. How is he even real?

“Nei!” Definitely does not shout into the phone. Nope. “I mean. I just didn’t know you wanted to talk to me.”

“Oi, don’t give me that. You basically ghosted me. I’m very sad, Isak.” God, his name never sounded better.

“I was busy in the studio. Besides, shouldn’t you be, like, editing or something? You go to school.”

“I’m pretty sure ignoring me after a date is the definition of ghosting. And, ugh, don’t even talk to me about school. I’m so done. Just hire me as your fulltime music video director. Let me mooch off of you.” He can’t help the giggles that bubble out of him.

“What happened to the film prodigy the guys told me about? You sound like a lost cause. But, I’m nothing if not kind, so I guess we can bring you on for now.” And then it hits him. “Wait, date? It was a date?”

“Well yeah. What did you think it was?” There’s a tingling sensation in his fingertips and his stomach rolls pleasantly. A date.

“I don’t know. A friendly lunch?”

“Isak, herregod, the entire internet could see it was a date. Did you really think I want friendly lunches? Was I not clear enough? You’re so cute. What the fuck.” Isak isn’t sure how to respond. Even’s breathing heavy from the other side and holy shit they’re having this conversation.

“Um,” he coughs. And sniffs. He can’t help that his throat’s gone dry. “I think you are too. Cute, I mean.”

“So, you wanna go out again? On a date. Preferably as soon as we can.” Isak almost forgets everything that was stressing him out earlier. He’s giddy like a little girl right now and can’t find it in him to hide it.

“Tomorrow? A less friendly lunch?”

“Maybe a little friendly? I’m not exactly ready to brawl with you, you know.”

“Oh my god, bye Even.” If Isak smiles at his ceiling all night, no one has to know.

---

The next day started with a bang. Literally.

“OH MY GOD ISAK WHAT THE FUCK!” With a speed he didn’t know he possessed, Isak scrambled out into the hall to see what happened. He looked around, but nothing was out of the ordinary. Confused, he wandered into the kitchen. Shattered glass covered the floor, but none of it seemed to bother the maniacally grinning Eskild, furiously typing on his phone.

“Eskild, it’s literally 7 in the morning, what is wrong with you?” He hopes Eskild can hear just how grumpy he is.

“My dear Isak. My little gay baby Jesus. How could you not tell me about your new boyfriend?” Boyfriend? What the fuck?

“Eskild, I have no idea what you’re talking – “

“Save it. My sweet gay rap god has a hot boyfriend, and he hasn’t even told me? Why would you keep this a secret from your guru?” Eskild probably gets off on how many times a day he can make Isak squirm. That has to be it.

“Eskild I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Then what is this?” He pushes his phone in Isak’s face. It takes him a moment for his to adjust to the harsh light from the screen. It was a picture of them eating the day of the shoot. Isak is almost embarrassed at how smitten he looks.

“He directed the music video. It was just lunch.” He does his best to keep his voice even.

“Ok. Just lunch. Go back to bed, smelly baby.” Isak rolls his eyes and starts to make himself a cup of coffee, narrowly avoiding a particularly jagged shard of glass. He’s thankful that Eskild knows when to stop pushing. Most of the time.

“But, um. We sort of have a thing? Like. I mean, we’re going on a date tonight.” Isak owes Eskild a lot, so if telling him makes him happy, then Isak gladly does it. Eskild’s eyes shine with something Isak can’t really decipher, and he’s pulled into a bear hug.

“You have no idea how good it feels to hear you say that. Especially after Nasir. I’m so proud of you.” There’s a lump in Isak’s throat as he tightens his arms around the older male. He remembers how bad his first breakup was. And how loving his roommate was while his whole world was crashing down. Eskild was Isak’s family, and there's nothing he wouldn’t do for him.

“Now,” Eskild forces them apart to take a look at Isak. “What are we going to do with this mess? It takes time to create a masterpiece, my little diamond in the rough.” They laugh at each other, ignoring the tears that liberally stream down their faces.

“Shut up, I’m not that bad.”

---

“Are you…is that mascara?” Isak ducks behind his menu. “Oh my god, it is! You got all done up for me. You’re so cute, Isak.”

“Ugh, my roommate wouldn’t let me leave if I didn’t let him get me ready.”

“You’ll have to thank them for me. It’s really hot.” Even leans in, voice silky, sultry, and low.

“Bet you’d look even hotter with eyeliner.” Isak can’t help his surprised sputter, and ends up choking on his saliva. Even throws his head back in laughter.

“Kill me now. Please.” He’s only sort of serious. The sight of Even being so open and beautiful strikes Isak, and not for the first time, he wonders what he did to deserve the attention of this man. This gorgeous man, that Isak is sure he’s falling for.

He hasn’t let himself feel so deeply for someone since he was his ex. Nasir. He used to be unable to even think his name, but he’s grown up a lot since then. They had it rough, two boys deep in the closet, weighed down by the expectations of their families. The way they ended, pulled apart and beaten when Nasir’s brother walked in on them, it was soul crushing. But now, as he’s sitting at the table, openly flirting and laughing with Even, Isak thinks he can allow himself this.

“So, why rap?”

“It was just a hobby that took off. Jonas was always good at music. And I can’t sing for shit.” Even does that thing where his eyes disappear and his smile takes up his entire face. Isak’s heart stutters and he grins shyly back. “Why directing, then?”

It takes Even a moment, but he answers more seriously than their conversation has been. “I think... that life is like a movie. And that you can be the director of your own life. But life also kind of happens and you can’t always be in control. I like control. Directing gives me that. And I can’t act for shit.” Isak reaches out to pat Even’s hand but allows Even catch his fingers.

“Wanna get out of here?”

“I thought you’d never fucking ask.”

---

Isak: is it possible to miss someone, even if you’ve spent all day with them? Even: are you saying you miss me? I miss you too. Isak: no I was talking about the other guy I’m seeing. Even: ok but I still miss you. Isak: me too. Btw I was only kidding. I’m only seeing you. Even: good. I want you all to myself. Isak: … can you come over. Even: now? Isak: home alone. Even: be there in 15

---

Isak watches Even get out of a taxi from his window and books it to the door. He throws it open before Even’s even touched the doorbell. They stand there for a moment, chests heaving slightly, eyes wild with want.

Then, the silence snaps and their ears are ringing and they’re all over each other. Hands reaching for anything, everything. Desperate. Isak lets Even take control of their kiss, allowing the older man to devour him. Clothes fly off and Isak laments for a second, because he knows he’s not going to pick any of it up until well after his roommates come back. But he can’t find it in himself to care and pulls Even into his room.

He’s kissing up Even’s neck, tearing the layers off him. He touches Even like he’s starving. And in a way, he is. The man lets out the most beautiful sounds and Isak is in awe. He’s ethereal. Pale, lightly freckled and smooth. Isak lets his hands wander the contours of Even’s lean body, pausing to pick at his belt.

“Isak Valtersen, you get that perky little ass out here, right now.” His hands freeze, and he drops his head on Even’s shoulder. He groans and burrows his face further into the crook of Even’s neck, letting out a quiet faen when he feels Even’s body shake with laughter. He grabs a hoodie off his floor and shimmies into his pjs before heading out, hoping Even has the sense to stay in his room. He doesn’t.

“Eskild, what do you want?” The man is running around, picking up the clothes that Isak knew would come back to bite him in the ass. “What I want is for you to not leave all your shit lying around all the time. I am not your –” Eskild finally looks up, and by the look on his face, it’s clear he wasn’t expecting Even to be there. “Oh. Hello. Who’s this lovely man?” His shift from murderous to flirty probably should be concerning, but Isak just rolls his eyes.

“Sorry, won’t happen again. This is Even. He’s, um, the director I was telling you about.” It’s rushed but he just wants to go back to his room and cuddle with Even, and maybe mourn the loss of the mood.

Even has better manners than Isak could hope for, and reaches around Isak to shake Eskild’s hand. “Nice to meet you. You did great job with Isak’s makeup.” Of course he’s a charming little fuck. Eskild is positively preening from the compliment.

“My baby gay is so lucky. Cute and charming. What a catch. I’ll let you two get back to it.” Isak huffs, and starts to walk away but Eskild clears his throat and he turns back, only to get a face full of clothes. Even chuckles and pulls Isak into a hug, lips skimming his ear.

“Not what I expected out of tonight, but I can’t say I’m disappointed.”

“Ugh, can we just go to bed? I mean, unless you want to go home.” Even holds Isak’s face, and smiles down at him before kissing him sweetly.

“Does it seem like I want to go home right now?” Isak just tilts his head back, eyelids hooded. Even smiles into the kiss, slowly backing them into Isak’s room.

---

Jonas: so ur officially fucking our director? Nice, man. He’s good looking. Isak? Dude? You know none of us care right. We’re happy for you. But if you wanna talk, I’m here. Isak: sry with Even rn. Thanks Jonas. Love you man. Jonas: you’re so gay Love you too.

---

The next shoot is a lot easier. The song is fun. A summer anthem. So they’re kind of just chilling. There’s a pool set and beautiful people. Even wanted them to ‘exude youth and sex and fun’ and Isak just wants fun sex with his young boyfriend. Who didn’t show up today. So there’s that.

“Magnus, leave the girls alone, please.” He’s talking to a group of girls in bikinis and flips Isak off, but follows him to the other boys anyway.

“Bro, they were totally into me. Why you gotta be so rude.” He sings in English, and Isak responds with a scoff and his signature eye roll.

“Whatever, we’re about to film the last bit, so like. We need you.”

“Uh-huh. You sure you’re not moody because your boyfriend isn’t here.”

“No. And I’m sure he’s just on his way.” Isak frowns, checking his phone again before the assistant director calls them to film.

There aren’t any notifications.

---

“Isak!” He’s about to open his door when Even’s voice makes him stop. “Babe! What’s up?” There’s a buzz in his voice that that confuses Isak a little.

“Even, what the fuck? Where were you? We had to shoot without you.” Even wraps his arms around Isak, crushing him to his chest.

“I’m sorry baby, I just had to do this thing. I swear, I let everyone know.”

“Everyone but me?” His voice is slightly muffled, but Even can hear the hurt clearly.

“Hey, it wasn’t on purpose. I just had to get out for a project, and I didn’t think it was going to take as long as it did. I thought they’d tell you. I’m so sorry.” Isak nods, trying to understand Even’s million mile per minute explanation. He pecks the corner of his mouth, and turns to open the door.

“Missed you, though.”

---

“Isak, he’s so hot. You better watch out, or I’ll steal your man.” Eva’s batting her eyelashes and Isak would probably be jealous if he wasn’t so sure about Even.

“Oi he’s mine, bitch.” They grin at each other, before Eva calls over the rest of the girls. If he weren’t so happy and drunk right now he might be bothered. But his boyfriend is on the other side of the room, laughing and dancing around with his friends, and Isak can’t find a single thing to complain about.

These last few weeks, Isak thinks has been the happiest he’s been in a long time. They wrapped up shooting today and decided to throw a party to celebrate. That and he wanted to show off his gorgeous boyfriend to the rest of his friends. He looks around at the girls joking and talking around him, and back to his man and everything feels right.

“You picked a good one. Did you know he’s read the entire Qur’an in Arabic? It’s nice to talk to someone who understands.” Isak turns to look at Sana, eyebrows raised.

“Actually, no. He never told me about it. But, yeah. He’s great.” He really is. Isak is finally letting himself fall and he’s never felt freer.

---

Isak loves sleep. Like really loves sleep. So he’s not too happy when he wakes up at 2:43 am because someone can’t stop pacing and holy shit Even can you just stop.

“Even. Can you, like, come back to bed?”

“Not now. I have…there’s just so much I need to do. Can’t stop thinking.” Isak wonders, not for the first time, if Even’s been taking something.

“Can you at least think in bed? I’m so tired.” Even crawls on top of him, grinding his hips lightly into Isak, erection pressing into him.

“There are a lot of other things I’d rather do in bed.” His voice is hot and heavy in Isak’s ear and suddenly he’s a lot more awake.

“Oh god, get in me, baby.”

Isak doesn’t get that much sleep that night, but he doesn’t mind.

---

Isak: Morning <3 How was your final? Christian is riding my ass about this track. I just wanted to add one more song :( Even? Baby are you ok? I’m worried. Call me please.

---

“Wrote a song.” Isak wrinkles his nose as Even blows a puff of smoke into his face.

“Yeah?” They’re cuddled up in Isak’s bed, wearing nothing but boxers. They’ve spent the whole weekend holed up in his room, smoking and talking and fucking. Isak thinks if he could spend the rest of his life like this, he would die happy.

“Yeah. But I’m, um, singing in this one.” Even sits up and squints incredulously at him.

“What? You? Singing? What happened to ‘can’t sing for shit?’” Isak scrambles up to straddle Even’s lap and steals the joint from Even’s fingers.

“I’m not that bad. I may have stretched the truth a little.” He leans forward to peck Even quickly. He stares at him for a moment, not sure how to say what he wants to. “It’s…um. It’s for you. The song.”

He thinks he might have broken Even. The older man just looks at him like Isak is some sort of mythical creature. Slowly, his hands travel up to cradle Isak’s face.

“How are you so perfect? Huh? How can one person be so fucking beautiful and good to me?” His voice is barely a whisper, eyes molten with something Isak doesn’t know how to describe. He thinks it might be too early to say it, but he’s feeling it. Love rolling off them in waves. When they kiss it’s like everything colliding and stillness all at once. It’s the easiest thing in the world, and so earth shattering. Isak thinks he can feel Even down to his bones.

“I love you.” Even closes his eyes and shudders a breath against Isak’s collarbone.

“Love you too. So much.”

---

It’s Saturday when everything gets fucked.

They’ve been promoting the album, doing random interviews and guest appearances everywhere. Isak, quite frankly, is exhausted. But he lets himself be convinced to go to Even’s friend’s party because they haven’t properly seen each other for a whole two days and Isak was getting used to waking up with Even in his bed.

The other boys have decided to skip the pregame and join him for the party later. So Isak ends up waiting at the unfamiliar at the door alone, the promise of Even on the other side.

“Hey, uh, Isak right?” The man at the door is about the same height as Isak, sparse moustache and straggly hair framing his friendly face. Isak nods, mentally cursing Even for not telling him whose house he was at beforehand.

“Is Even here already?” His eyebrows furrow.

“No, he said he couldn’t make it. Did he not tell you?”

“I was busy all day, and my phone’s dead. I probably missed his messages.” Isak starts to turn around, but feels a hand on his shoulder.

“You can stay if you want. We’d love to chill with the guy who stole Even from us.” There’s a laugh in his voice but Isak is already miles away. It’s not the first time Even’s disappeared on him, but there’s something wrong and Isak does his best to maintain a straight face.

“Um. Thanks. Maybe next time? I think I’ll sit this one out. Thanks again, though.” Isak waits until he’s heard the door close to pull out his phone. Even hasn’t texted him once. His hands start to shake and he doesn’t know what to do or where to go.

Isak: Even, what’s going on? Your friend said you cancelled on him.

Isak: have you guys heard from Even? Jonas: no Isn’t he supposed to be at the pregame? Mahdi: I haven’t either. Isak: he’s not here. Magnus: guys Get to Eva’s place. Like right now. Isak: is he there? Magnus: yeah. Fuck. Get here fast man

So Isak runs. Faster than he’s ever run before. His heart is pounding in his ears, tears streaming down his face. He doesn’t know what to expect but he just knows it won’t be good.

Please be okay.

---

“Who's fucking kid is that?” Even’s eyes are wild, not really seeing him. He’s rocking a baby in his arms, whispering to it softly. They’re standing in Eva’s bedroom. Vilde had seen Even walking around with a baby and brought him to the only place she knew they’d be safe.

“Isn’t he beautiful, Isak? I just had to take him. Had to save him. You’re going to be such a good dad.” His voice was all wrong. Too excited, too…much. Isak could feel tears stinging in his eyes again. His heart breaks in the silence. The tiny whimpers from the child are deafening and he needs to walk away. But he also needs his man, his boy. The one he loves so much, to be ok. And he’s not.

“Even,” his voice comes out in a broken whisper. “Where did you get the baby from?”

“I told you, silly boy, I took him. His parents left him all alone. And I needed to save him, before something could happen to him. Isn’t that, right? We’re going to take such good care of you,” Even’s attention is back on the baby, rubbing its back and cooing at it. “Come meet your other daddy.” He’s closed the distance between them, gently placing the baby into Isak’s limp arms.

“Support his head.” Even adjusts Isak’s arms, but Isak can’t stop looking at him. “Just like that. Isn’t our boy the most perfect thing you’ve ever seen?” It feels like a cruel joke. He’s seen this exact scene in his head so many times. A dream of the future he wants with Even. Now it feels tainted. Ugly. Whose kid is this? He wants to kick and scream and sob but Even just kept looking at him with those eyes. The eyes that don’t belong to his boyfriend, but the sincerity in them is so familiar. It’s the same intense stare that told him he didn’t have to apologize for his past. The same earnest gaze that he couldn’t look away from, the first time they had sex. The watery blue that blinked back tears when they first said I love you.

“Oh, Even.” Isak can’t hold back anymore and can barely speak. “We need to get him back to his parents. They must be so worried.” The baby’s fallen asleep but Isak can’t bear to look at it. Him.

“No, no. We can’t let them take him. They don’t care Isak. We have to hide him. Keep him safe from them. The parents. The government. They’re all going to hurt him. You have to trust me.” Even’s suddenly prying the child out of Isak’s arms, and runs to look out the window, only to duck beneath the frame.

“Isak, it’s all over the news. Someone saw Even take the baby. They’re looking for him.” Vilde’s at the door, eyeing Even warily, voice low enough that only Isak can hear her.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”

---

Magnus, fucking Magnus, is a godsend. No one expected him to take control, but he does and Isak can’t be more grateful. He sits on Eva’s bed, watching Magnus talk to Even in hushed tones. He could probably understand them if he concentrated but he’s so exhausted and numb, he just watches.

Magnus takes the baby and lets Vilde take him out of the room. Even struggles to get him back, but Magnus holds him back. Even’s cries and pleas fall on deaf ears. It’s done. Jonas and Mahdi offer to find a way to get the baby back to his family.

The girls wait until Magnus walks Even out of the room to come in and join Isak on Eva’s bed. They say nothing, just situate themselves around him. Isak closes his eyes, a small sigh escaping him.

“We love you, Isak. We’re here for you.” Noora’s hand ends up on his arm, and he opens his eyes, red and watery, to look at all of them. He doesn’t say anything. He can’t. But he knows they know. That he loves them back. That he’s appreciative. He tries to focus on how lucky he is to have such amazing, supportive friends by his side, and falls into fitful sleep.

---

“He needs to chill Isak. I’m serious, if you go in there, don’t talk about what happened. Not yet, anyway. Just be there for him.” There’s a maturity in Magnus’ face that Isak has never seen before, and wonders how he’s so good at this. Isak managed to sleep until noon the next day, and demanded to see Even as soon he was up.

“Did you get any sleep?” His throat hurts from crying and his face is still puffy, but he doesn’t care. He needs to be with Even.

“Ehh not really, but it’s ok. He needed someone who understands. But, seriously, I don’t care how much you want to talk about it, don’t. Wait until he’s feeling better.”

He opens the door to reveal Even lying in the bed. His head’s propped up against a couple pillows, gaze fixed straight ahead. His eyes focus on something past Isak, and it feels like he’s looking through him, not really seeing. Isak swallows down the urge to run and slowly creeps toward the bed. He pauses at the foot of it, unsure of how to continue. “Are you…did you sleep ok?” That’s harmless enough. Not too probing.

“No.”

“Oh. Can I join you?” Even takes a moment before closing his eyes and nodding. Isak, still moving as slow as he can, climbs up and lies next to his man. “Wanna try sleeping?” Everything happens at a snail’s pace, but Even eventually pushes himself down so he’s flat on his back. Isak pulls the covers around him and leans back, giving Even some space. Isak lets himself relax, and falls asleep again, dreaming of being back in Even’s arms.

---

“Can you just let me go home?” Even’s tired voice pierces through Isak like a bullet.

“I didn’t know I was keeping you here.” His whisper travels over the chilling silence that’s settled in his room ever since they got here two days ago.

“Just. Let me go. Please.” It’s the most emotion Isak’s heard in his voice since the incident. Isak moves to help Even out of bed, but just gets pushed away. He stands by his orange curtains, watching him struggle to grab his things. Isak thought his heart broke when Even had lost it. But that was nothing, nothing compared to this. The pain is real, tangible. Even had given him love and hope when he came into Isak’s life, and now he was taking it all away. He’s taken everything, and Isak’s hollow. Nothing but dark and hurt.

���Sorry.” It’s out of his mouth before Isak can even think about it. Even stops and stiffens, but leaves anyway.

---

“Isak, come eat something, please.” Eskild rubs small circles into his back. Isak doesn’t want to eat. He’s spent the last week just writing and creating. He did everything that was expected of him. He’s smiled for selfies with fans in the street. Performed with all of his energy at all their shows. He just wants to stop. He doesn’t have the will to push anymore.

“I can’t.” He looks up at Eskild and sees the worry plain in his eyes. “I’m just not hungry. I’ll grab something later.” He can hear how empty his words are. He’s just saying what he thinks Eskild wants to hear. Eskild is a lot smarter than Isak gives him credit for. He can see right through the boy’s façade.

“Oh, baby boy, have you talked to him?”

“He doesn’t want me, Eskild.” Isak prays for Eskild to leave him alone. If he doesn’t he won’t be able to hold back any longer. Instead the older man wraps his arms around him, making him feel younger and smaller than he has in a long time. “Why doesn’t he want me anymore?” Isak lets go. He cries and cries in Eskild’s arms, clinging onto him for dear life. “I love him.” He’s wailing into Eskild’s stomach, fisting the fabric of his t shirt.

Eskild lets him soak his shirt with tears. While he may not know what’s going on with Even, he knows Isak. He knows this strong boy will overcome whatever cruel trial this was. And he plans to be there for him every step of the way.

---

Magnus: how r things 2day? Even: didn’t kill myself. Magnus: good 2 hear Ur gonna have 2 stop avoiding him tho Even: no. He doesn’t need this shit. You didn’t see how scared he was. I can’t let him ruin himself. Magnus: fy faen ur the most dramatic prsn I no. Just see him when u feel up to it. U love him. Let him do the same.

---

Two and a half weeks. 18 days. It’s been 18 days since Isak has seen Even, and he hasn’t been doing much better. His smiles come a little easier, and it’s not that hard to convince everyone he’s doing better. But when no one’s looking, Isak lets himself feel. Anger. It’s ugly jagged edges tearing him up from the inside. Sadness. He mourns for the love he’s lost. The man who gave him so much. And stolen it back.

Even: can we talk?

Isak stares at the message. He’s not sure if he’s dreaming it up. Maybe it’s a hallucination. He blinks once. Twice. Three times. It’s still there. He restarts his phone, but the message is still there. He’s reaching out and Isak is too desperate to ignore it.

Isak: ok. When?

The response is immediate.

Even: can I come over? 10 minutes? Isak: ok

---

They sit in Isak’s living room, just looking at each other, for a long time. As angry as Isak is, he just wants to run into his warm embrace. He wants to be enveloped in Even’s love. It’s hard to be so close to him, after everything.

“Are we going to talk, or are you just going to look at me?” He’s not sure where the confidence to speak comes from, but is proud of himself for not letting his voice waver

“I’m bipolar.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Ok.”

Even chuckles darkly. “Ok? It’s not ok? It’s fucked. I’m fucked. In the head. I kidnapped a baby, Isak. How is any of this ok?” His face flushes prettily, and Isak is having a hard time concentrating on the words that come out of those sinful lips. Bipolar.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know! Yell at me. Hit me. Do something. Don’t just stand there and say ok. As if any of this is easy. Don’t.” Isak reaches out to cover Even’s hand with his own.

“I’m…processing. It’s not easy. I just don’t want you to think this changes anything. It doesn’t change how I feel.” Even grabs Isak by the shoulders, the force of it terrifies Isak. Bipolar.

“You should be running for the hills. You shouldn’t want anything do with me. I’m going to ruin you. I already have.” He’s whispering, eyes wide.

“I still love you, Even. I’ll always love you.” Isak surges forward, pressing their lips together. His hand wraps around Even’s neck. The older man gasps into Isak’s mouth, getting lost in the feel of home in the boy in front of him. Bipolar.

And then he pulls away. “I can’t be with you anymore. I don’t want this.” Even forces himself out of Isak’s grip. “Goodbye, Isak.” He gives a sad half smile and walks out the door.

Bipolar.

---

The days following their breakup are…hard. Not like before, where he could push through. Where the uncertainty about them was a comfort. Now, it’s so final. Goodbye, Isak. The words haunt him. He hears them everywhere. He hears and sees Even everywhere. Buying coffee, a deep voice behind him that makes his eyes sting with tears. When he turns around to see a short man, he runs out.

He tries to hang out with Eskild but when he puts on Moulin Rouge, it’s too much. Baz wouldn’t treat me like this.

He can’t watch their new music videos. Every shot has Even written all over them and it’s suffocating. All he wants is his Even. All he has is his rejection.

He’s sitting quietly, nursing a beer, Jonas, Mahdi, and Magnus do their best to keep the atmosphere light. But Magnus keeps giving Isak these looks and he’s getting pissed off.

“What, Magnus?” He can’t stop the venomous words, but they’re out and now all three boys are looking at him likes he’s grown a second head.

“Nothing. It’s just…I don’t want to lie to you. I’ve been talking to Even.” Isak feels like he’s been punched in his stomach.

“Didn’t know you guys were that close.” He wants to be mad. To feel betrayed, but he’s just worried. “Is he doing ok?”

“Fuck, Isak. You guys need to fix this. I’m so worried about you two.”

“I want to. All I want is to be with him. But he doesn’t. I can’t change what he feels.”

“Bullshit.” Magnus is standing up now. “I know he’s hurting just as bad. He loves you Isak. He’s just convinced you’re better off without him. He wanted to leave you before you left him.” Isak never used to be so open about his feelings, but lately all he does is cry.

“But I would never. Not even when he’s doing crazy shit. I just want to be with him always.” He feels Jonas wrap an arm around his shoulders, too tired and sad to fuss pull away.

“You need to tell him that, though.” And it all falls into place. Jonas is right. He’s always right. Isak had been given something so precious. Someone he truly thought was his soulmate. So why shouldn’t he fight for it? Even if it was Even he was fighting.

“Never knew you were so smart.” Jonas pushes him away a mock offended look gracing his features.

“Drittsek.”

---

Isak: you being bipolar isn’t a dealbreaker. I love you. That’s not going to change. Will you come to my show tonight? Just one last time. Love you.

Isak looks at his phone again. Even’s seen his messages, but has yet to respond. Sighing he turns back to face the empty club. His last show in Oslo before they go on a European tour. It’s a huge fucking deal, and Isak should be excited, but the churning in his stomach has nothing to do with the upcoming tour and everything to do with the possibility of Even showing up tonight.

He knows to keep his expectations low, but he can’t control the hope blooming in his chest. It’s more than he’s felt in almost a month. And he’s holding onto it tightly.

---

The set is incredible. The cheers from the crowd are deafening, and holy shit they know every single word to their songs. Isak almost forgets just how bad he’s had it, because the feeling of people screaming his name is intoxicating. But Even isn’t there. Isak spends every second he can looking out into the crowd, looking for the lanky director that owned his heart.

“I don’t think he’s coming, man.” Mahdi pats his shoulder quickly after the last song. “You still want to do this?” He’s sure. It hurts, but he’s going to do it.

Grabbing a mic stand, he adjusts it so that it’s low enough for him sitting on a stool in the centre of the stage. Jonas joins him, guitar in hand. “Hi guys. So, um. This last song. It’s not like anything we’ve done before. It might not be your style or whatever, but this is for someone who means so much to me. They, uh, they couldn’t make it tonight. But I still wanted to do this. Because I love them no matter what happens. So yeah.” His voice breaks a little, but he just looks out one last time, searching for the man he knew wasn’t going to be there.

Jonas begins to pluck at the strings, a sweet melody filling the room. Isak pours his heart into the words that Even won’t hear. About their love. Their struggle. How Even’s mind is the most beautiful thing in the world. There isn’t a single dry eye in front of him. Isak’s got tears tracks down his face too, glistening under the club’s purple lights. He thinks that if he opens his eyes, he’d be able to see his soul in front of him. Beat down and small. But still so strong. His love for Even keeping it intact.

Everything is silent when he finishes. Isak finally opens his eyes. Still no Even. He smiles sadly. “How about we finish off with one more song.”

The mood shifts suddenly and then they’re finishing up with Magnus crowd surfing, and playing with each other on stage. Isak smiles through it all, just waiting for the moment he can be alone. He’s walking to the green room when his strangled voice breaks Isak from his thoughts.

“Isak.” He turns, only to come face to face with Even. His Even. Looking shattered and heartbreakingly beautiful. A fallen angel.

Isak is frozen, feet unwilling to bring him closer. It’s Even that makes the first move. Slowly, carefully walking up to Isak, eyes never leaving his.

“Halla.” He whispers. And fuck him. Fuck him for thinking after all this that he can just come back and say halla like nothing happened. Except he can and Isak is all too willing to accept it.

“Halla.” Isak closes his eyes as Even brings a hand up to his face, thumb stroking along his cheekbone.

“The song was...beautiful.”

“Yeah. Well.” Isak leans into the touch, inhaling the taller man’s familiar scent.

“I’m sorry, Isak.” His eyes meet Even’s and he’s certain they have matching red tints.

“Don’t apologize. Just. Don’t leave me again. I don’t think I’ll survive it.” Even swallows, a stray tear escaping. He bows his head close to rub Isak’s cheek with his nose.

“I won’t. I can’t. Not again. I love you too much.” Isak’s finally gained control of his body and throw his arms around Even’s neck, pulling them together. He buries his head into Even’s shoulder, body sagging with relief.

“I love you.”

---

They’re lying in Isak’s bed, not touching. Facing each other. Memories of the last time they were like this are still fresh and sting, but they both need this. Isak lets his hands wander up and down Even’s arm, resting on his cheek, the back of his neck.

“I just didn’t want you to have to deal with me. You already had to deal with your ‘insane’ mom. I was...I got selfish. Wanted to spend more time with you than I should be allowed.” Isak’s heart breaks for his boy. For the time they spent apart. For all the uncertainty.

“I want you to be selfish. I want you to stay with me.”

“Being bipolar isn’t easy. Being with someone who's bipolar is even harder. Its two lives getting fucked.” Isak shifts so they're even closer, hand stilling.

“I don't want easy. I want you. And if everything gets to be too much, we take it a day at a time. If that doesn't work, we take it minute by minute. The only thing we need to worry about is the next minute, ok? Can we do that?” Even’s gaze is piercing, seeing everything down to the core of Isak’s very being. Isak lets him. He turns his head to plant a small kiss on Isak’s palm.

“We can do that.” Isak knows why Even keeps hesitating. He’s still waiting for the ball to drop. Waiting for Isak to leave him. But Isak knows he won’t. He can’t. Even is an all consuming force and Isak is so gone for him. There isn’t a thought in his head that doesn’t echo Even.

Isak hums softly, and recognition flashes across Even’s face. He pulls Isak into his chest, letting the soft melody of their song wash over them. Even can feel Isak looking at him, and lets his face against his forehead.

“What are we doing in this minute?” Isak lifts himself up so that they were eye to eye.

“In this minute? In this minute, we kiss.” And they do. And everything is going to be ok.