#they fascinate me endlessly but it’s such a stressful dynamic to me

[yearnerspermit]

“But Louis has the power because of the Maitre dynamic-“ other than it being established that first time, the only times this power dynamic has clearly come into play, Armand has been the one to introduce it as an ultimatum.

“Are you asking, maitre?” / “Are you asking me or making me?”

Like Daniel said, only when it’s convenient, and he uses it to corner Louis into either imposing control or relinquishing it by presenting the question in the first place

[cringefailvox]

15, 17, 19 for the meme! Dealer’s choice! You can do the same fic for all three or you can do different ones, whichever is the most interesting. (Aka I can’t pick… you have so many tasty fics.)

15. talk about the characters' struggles & how you decided on those.

sometimes you scrape and sink so low

this fic let me dig my teeth into husk for the first (and hopefully not the last) time!! a missing scene post-ep5 because i've been thinking about the hallway scene ever since i watched it and feeling CRAZY. i earnestly believe that husk and alastor consider each other friends of a sort, even despite the soul ownership, and so this fic delves into husk struggling with the aftermath of alastor betraying him like that -- he thought he'd known the rules, known how to play the game, and here alastor goes overturning the board on him in a way he never had before. it was a profound breach in the status quo between them that leaves husk rattled and hurt. but alastor doesn't want that either; he wants husk to respect him, but he doesn't want husk to genuinely fear him, at least not in any personal sense -- being afraid of the radio demon mythos is one thing, but he truly doesn't want husk to take the hallway incident as their new normal.

i'm so endlessly fascinated by their dynamic mostly because of how ooc that scene feels. as in, neither of them are at their best: alastor is stressed and irritated out of his mind already from lucifer's presence + husk does what he does best and instantly zeroes in on someone's sorest spot to drive his point home = alastor violently lashing out at him in a way we've never seen him do before. it sucks! husk was just trying to look out for him! but we knew that conversation was never going to go well. this fic was definitely a lot of wish-fulfillment for me skjfghjkfd i really wish we'd gotten some kind of resolution with them in canon.

17. talk about the fic's ending. why did you end it where you did?

The Diving Bell

after a sweet and sappy closing scene, vaggie ends with a note of defeatism -- she'll tell charlie the truth about what she is someday, if charlie ever asks, but until then, she'll savor what she has until it's inevitably taken away from her. it's a bummer sentiment but it felt true to vaggie's character; she hates herself so deeply and so strongly that she's convinced charlie would hate her too if she knew the Truth -- the big, ugly truth at the core of her that makes her unworthy of anything but being useful to charlie. she knows it's inevitable that the truth will get out someday, but she isn't optimistic about how it'll go. so i wanted to end this fic on that feeling of mixed happiness/dread, where vaggie thinks she knows how this story will end, but intends to cherish what she has while she's allowed to keep it. girl let's get you so much therapy.

19. while editing, did you kill any darlings? what were they?

dragging its tail in the sea

i had to rewrite one section of this like three times to make it flow well and sadly had to cut this hilarious line:

it was just a touch too bitchy for the melancholy tone and i couldn't get it to connect to the rest of the scene, but man it still makes me giggle. and who knows, someday you all might get to see it given a new home in static shock since i gave bird custody

[colubrina]

hello! i am so endlessly fascinated by tarot and was wondering if i could get in the queue if you were still taking requests for it?

i guess my question would be 'will i be more capable in dealing with emotional upheaval and stress/anxiety in the coming year?'

A very loud "yes" on that one.

For you I drew the king of wands, a massive leadership card, and while it's clarified by the moon, I think that's because you don't know you have this dynamic leader within you, but it is, and you can bring it out to take care of all the many things the year is going to throw at you. And nine of wands? Eight of wands? Yeah, things are going to get thrown at you, but that clarification of the emperor is a reminder that you have power here. That judgment card? You will get what is fair and right for you so you can let the anxiety go. King of cups? That's you, baby, an emotionally mature leader, ready to take on the coming year. Make sure to take the time the world offers to reflect, and do not give into those inner demons of anxiety because they will still want to play, but you are the king of wands AND the king of cups, and you can banish them. Your final outcome is the ten of cups, a card of family and happiness and completion and joy. And did you count the major arcana here? Five. FIVE big picture cards. I want you to imagine that "Yes" answer being yelled at you by the universe. YES, you have this. YES you will be more capable. YES, you are strong.

TAROT DISCLAIMER: This is only for fun. Do not make life decisions based on a random person turning over cards.

NOTE ON SENDING IN QUESTIONS: you are welcome to send in asks, but if you do in anonymously please make sure you have something in the question that will allow you to find it again because I make no promises how long it will take me to answer them

[altschmerzes]

I hope you don’t mind me asking but I was just wondering what relationships Jamie will have with Roy and Keeley in your baby Jamie story. Something I’ve really enjoyed in your other fics like The Same Story, and your most recent fic is the amazing friendship Jamie has with them. Obviously a lot of things are different in your upcoming fic, and their history with Jamie is going to be vastly different, so I was really curious.

i don't mind at all!! i love love love talking about this fic and this is one of the like. central components of it and one of the parts that's most fascinating to me to think about and poke at, roy particularly.

roy and he have the same antagonism that they do when we meet them in canon though it looks obviously very different because of the fact that yknow. jamie's fifteen and not on the team so roy is MUCH less aggressive/actively beefing with a teenager lmao but they do sort of..... roy is endlessly frustrated with jamie's attitude and the fact that jamie seems to, from minute one, hate his guts for absolutely no reason at all. it evolves over time as the story progresses from this kind of frustrated, baffled resentment to roy somehow now TWICE OVER landing in a situation where he is sort of parenting someone else's kid with them without really meaning to, that's just how it happened.

there's phoebe, who he's fulfilling a very directly parental role with (and as somebody who usually means 'mother and grandmother' when i say 'my parents' i loved seeing this on screen. he's not her dad but he is very much a parent to her) and then there's the way that he and ted end up sort of coparenting jamie together by the time they get him out of his dad's house. it's like..... it's complicated and not very clear cut, because while ted is very much Jamie's Dad at this point roy is like..... he's not jamie's dad but he is A Parent, much in the way he is with phoebe which is a very fun like. family dynamic to explore in all directions (roy and ted and jamie as a collective, what this does for roy and ted's relationship, the relationship jamie ends up having with roy's sister (who i'm once again calling sarah sdlfs) and phoebe).

(there's also some complex stuff in there about the way that i've adapted some canon events - including the city win over richmond in 1x10 which jamie still plays a key role in and roy's retirement and refusal to coach jamie when he came back which, jamie's not on the team but that Situation still manifests in a way)

and with keeley it's obviously EXTREMELY different since they are not, never will be, and do not even come close to being involved romantically or sexually, gd bless. absolutely not. so we, and jamie, are introduced to her as the girlfriend of the richmond captain prior to roy, a very briefly appearing man i've dubbed leo charles. and then she's around richmond doing PR because of the job rebecca gives her, which is when she and jamie start interacting more. and the relationship they have - which again i feel i must stress because you know how fandoms are lmao is completely platonic at every point - is a very important one to jamie because she like....... treats him like a person, not like a child. she asks for his opinion on things and actually listens, she has a respect for him and his thoughts that he hasn't seen a lot.

and compared to the others too there's this sense, even when those relationships improve, with ted and roy and company, that they feel like he's someone they need to protect and care for, which is true! they do! and keeley is protective of him as well, is aware he's young and has been badly hurt and needs looking out for, but that's not the role SHE directly has in his life so she's like. someone who he doesn't feel like thinks he needs minding, or whatever, she's someone he can go to if he needs to feel Normal and go check out the new hipster coffee shop that's opened in the area or give an opinion on an outfit or something. he admires her and thinks she's probably the coolest person alive, pretty much.

[ratatattouille]

just finished watching the good place and the finale was fitting for the show, but tbh, i've never understood the "eternity would be unbearable" thing. not "heaven" exactly but "eternity." to me, eternity makes sense. i don't think it's unnatural for a human mind because to me its like being present. i think that's why aging is startling for me. i have had very similar "boring" days throughout my life. and i'll routinely get bored of things and then get excited about them once my fatigue wears out. i don't know what it means to get bored of life. and when i have felt fatigued by it, that fatigue also passes, like all things. if i lived forever, i'd be completely unaware of it the way i'm unaware of the passing of time now. like yeah, i'll burn out if i eat grilled potatoes every night. but getting to eat grilled potatoes again would thrill me just the same. isn't that why you love things? don't you look forward to the things you love? don't you give them space so you can enjoy them all over again?

perhaps part of the point of virtues like patience, restraint, hope, courage, generosity, selflessness isn't strictly about "making the world better" or just taking care of those around you, but maximizing pleasure by managing yourself. taking time to do the difficult things so the pleasurable things don't sour. so you can actually handle your pleasure without it destroying you. your pleasures can go bad without balance. wealth will go bad without character. even happiness. and balance takes constant intentionality. it's a never-ending challenge in itself. mastering it will still mean you have to do it. you will never reach a place where saying yes will always be the right or healthy answer.

i'd also never get bored of people. even when they're predictable. it's one thing to know something about a person, but it's always new living side by side with that person. life is just endlessly fascinating to me even when there's nothing to solve or nothing new.

i'm fascinated by mystery, but i'm so so fascinated by the familiar as well. idk what it means to get tired of seeing the same waterfall or butterfly. i will always fall in love with the full moon. eternity would not weigh on me because i simply wouldn't notice it. i'd just be waking up again, sleeping again. meeting the people i love again. i don't even think about it now which is why death always feels so sudden. i subconsciously assume where i am will always be like this and it always feels dynamic. there's always something about it.

i think the good place's idea of heaven/paradise is a critique on hedonism, but what it is ultimately, is an acknowledgement of human finitude. you're not meant to have everything on MAX all the time as a human. that's what's unnatural and that's what makes things tiring: constant oversaturation and overstimulation. you can't have too much all at once. at least not with this brain and body.

also, does endless comfort make for dull people? i think it depends. i know i would want a world without suffering, but i don't think that has to mean living in a world without difficulty, mystery or pain. maybe, actually, it's not even suffering i would avoid. maybe i just don't want a world with injustice in it. i think that's a better idea of paradise. because there's certain levels of pleasure (like catharsis) that simply can't be accessed without initial stress. it's kinda like the whole capitalism thing.

i don't want to be exploited or "hustle." that doesn't mean i don't want to work hard at something. i want my work to be well compensated. not to not work ever.

i ALSO don't think death makes life meaningful. i think humans are meaningful beings that create and communicate via meaning. we create meaning constantly. we don't find it and nothing gives it to us. i don't think that would change if we were immortal. it's literally just who we are. it is as dynamic as we are.

i also don't think endless life could ever be boring. i think the worry here is "unchangingness" or "stagnance." but i don't see why immortality would have to mean nothing changes. i think life perpetuates itself by changing. i think life would not be possible without change, so why would endless life mean changelessness? we can't ever know everything because everything is constantly changing. including ourselves.

i can't grasp being tired of that.

except that change would imply death of some kind. and that's where the grief comes in. yet also the triumph. idk. i just love life man. even when its hard. the main thing for me is not being isolated. suffering to me is abandonment and silence.

that's what i can't bear. not being with others. not meeting someone on the other end (if there is another end). that's what scares me. the fact that nonexistence means no one is there. not even me.

anyways. good show.