#they didn't accept me bc of my mental issues

[transassdemon]

Also, I wondered how i would deal in world (either just in the past or in a fictional world like Westeros) if I didn't have my meds. And I would either don't do anything, have a constant breakdown and quickly die, or I would become one of the villains. Maybe I wouldn't flay people but still, I would cause some problems.

Quick question? Would portraying Ramsay as having BPD (I've read a lot of headcanonc from folks that make sense) be considered as 'woobyfying (I don't even know how to spell that) him, or even being an apologist? Cause I dont wanna do that, but I'd like to portray him as such.

Hmm, I don’t think it’s woobiefying (I don’t really know how to spell that either lol) to search for behavioral explanations of characters you like and even if it were, I don’t think it’s a crime to woobiefy a character (as long as you know that you’re doing it). Your headcanons are yours. 

The bigger problem I see with attributing real mental illnesses like BPD to fictional characters such as these, especially if done by neurotypical people, is more because it’s, well, kinda ableist? While I do think that the BPD diagnosis in theory fits Ramsay eerily well, it also kind of furthers the stereotype of people with BPD being inherently violent, abusive and just a huge danger to others, which is not really the case. People with mental disabilities suffer much more from ‘normal’ people, than vice versa. That’s why imho it can be very problematic (for lack of better term) to attribute a diagnosis like this to a fictional character like that.

If you want to talk a bit more about BPD Ramsay, dontflaywithmyheart actually has BPD themselves and also likes to headcanon Ramsay with BPD for their own coping. They might be able to tell you a little more about it (and especially about the do’s and don’ts, as I am really not someone who’s an authority about these matters).

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control

[crazybiaatch]

Silco and Jinx were never weird

I saw yet another tik tok calling Silco a pdf file for his interactions with Jinx, so I need to rant and defend my favourite mentally ill daddy/daughter duo, so spoilers ahead

END OF ACT 1

At the end of act 1 we see Silco and Powder in very similar postions. They have both just lost a sibling in the worst ways imaginable (to them, at the time). They obviously feel very differently about these losses, it was always in Silco's plans for Vander to die, but all the emotions from when Vander turned his back on their dreams had resurfaced while he was talking to Vander, whereas Powder had just tried to prove herself to her big sister and instead of being proud, Vi was angry, and told her that Milo was right, that she was a Jinx. So, when Silco accepts Powder's hug and even reciprocates, it does make some sort of sense. Not to us, and not to the people around them, but Powder and Silco are feeling very similar emotions, anger, confusion, betrayal, ect. Silco sees these emotions in Powder, and takes her in. We don't get to see much of their relationship here since this is the very beginning of the relationship, but I felt like pointing out the basis of their bond was important.

ACT 2

This is where some people start thinking their relationship is more sexual than it is. This is because of how touchy they are with each other. I'm talking about the scene where Jinx sits on Silco's lap.

Now, two points to get out of the way. 1, plenty of people show physical affection to their fathers this way and similarly, there is nothing wrong with this as long as it never crosses boundaries, and I cannot and will not speak on actual relationships I have no knowledge of, everything I am about to say is within the context of this fictional relationship within this fictional world. 2, Jinx is both Silco's adopted daughter (no blood relation, both of her blood parents are dead) and around 18-19 years old during acts 2 and 3, she is also severely mentally ill. Not in a silly, joking way, she at least has paranoid schizophrenia.

Silco and Jinx's relationship is not a normal father/daughter relationship. It literally never could be. Silco has been extremely traumatised by what happened with Vander and Jinx has devolped severe mental health issues while in Silco's care, while also being traumatised by what happened with Vi. So, instead of the breakdown I did above, I'm just going to point out things to contextualise how touchy Jinx an Silco are to each other, and I'm just going to go as chronologically as I can (I've rewatched this show 3 times, and I am rewatching all Silco and Jinx interactions as I write this)

1x04:

Silco defends Jinx, in the conversation with Sevika after the Firelights fight. Sevika was 100% right, and a cold-hearted leader like Silco would usually agree with what she was saying and punish Jinx accordingly. Instead, he tells Sevika to "not dissapoint him" (do better) and sends her away, before asking for Jinx's side of the story. Not to sound like I have daddy issues, but my dad woudn't even do that for me. (quick little aside bc its on my screen right now - that monkey thing on Silco's desk? Adorable, anyone who claims to not know that Silco was Jinx's dad is clearly not paying enough attention)

Now, the infamous moment. Silco hands his eye-needle-thing to Jinx, and she moves to sit on his lap and wraps a hand around his neck as he leans back (pictures below).

These pictures show just how physically close they are (literally touching) and yes, I can see how this looks weird, trust me, I've seen the fanart (i wish i didn't) BUT that doesn't mean I think that reading is right! For starters, physical closeness doesn't immediately mean sexual or even romantic tension, if this was true, that would ALSO mean that Vi and Jinx have a weird relationship (pictures below)

Woah! Look! Physical closeness! They're even closer than Jinx and Silco! So, it's not the closeness that makes it weird. Maybe it's the actual actions! Vi is just hugging Jinx, whereas Jinx is sitting half on top of Silco. To inject 'medicine' into his eye. I would like to see you do something like that standing away from someone. The two times we see Silco get his injections, Jinx has to lean over him to get it done correctly, and when she rushes it the second time, it hurts him. (another thing this scene is showing us is how much Silco trusts Jinx, who would you let stab you in the eye? Probably someone you consider family, right?) But okay, it could be the dialogue that's got tension right? They're talking about Vi. And then they're talking about Zaun. And then Silco gets stabbed. And then Jinx goes straight back to sitting away from him. They only touch for a matter of SECONDS (about 10ish seconds, give or take since we don't actually see when Jinx moves away again) though in word it could be longer because of the glitch effect we get when Jinx talks about Vi, but it's not like Jinx was sat on Silco's lap for half an hour. She only moved to touch him a) when he asked (by offering the needle) and b) to help him, and moved away as soon as she was finished helping him. The rest of the interaction could either be read as fatherly or condescending, both are true enough ("Take some time" "I don't need it" "Take it anyhow") so this interaction? No tension. None. If you do see sexual tension, you are reaching. All I see is a father/boss trying to comfort his daughter, and then moving on to reprimanding her for her mistakes and essentially grounding her.

Their next interaction, after the bombing. Silco storms in and starts yelling at Jinx until she gives him the hextech crystal and hugs him. I wouldn't even call this interaction very 'fatherly' since Silco barely even hugs Jinx back and just stares at the crystal. This is more Silco the Boss than Silco the Dad. I guess you could say the way Jinx walked before hugging him was a little flirtatious? But that's pretty much how she always moves. I don't have much to say about this one, it's fairly straightforward, at least to me.

1x05

Silco defends Jinx, yet again, this time from Marcus who is trying to demand Jinx getting arrested. Silco is tense and turns down Marcus's idea immeadtly.

Not much happens, they're seperate for the rest of the episode until...

"You're the only one I can trust with this, Jinx."

This honestly is my main point. Jinx is one of three people Silco trusts. (the other two are Sevika and the Doctor, and he moreso trusts that they will listen to him, and he doesn't trust them anywhere as much as he trusts Jinx) Jinx is the one that is trusted with his medicine, and through the show, no one else really touches Silco. What I'm saying is, the man was drowned by his brother and hates the idea of other people touching him, except for Jinx. He obviously sees her as family of some kind, his every action and word screams it. (tiny aside, the look on his face at the end of that scene? my heart shattered. No one could make me hate him after that, he looked so scared and heartbroken.)

The next weird scene also happens this episode. The lake scene, or as I call it, the baptising scene. Silco dips Jinx below the water of the lake he was nearly drowned in, and to do that he holds her hand and holds the back of her head, and leans with her to dip her under water. They get very very close, and without the previous context I could 100% see how people would think this scene is romantic. But with the context of both their relationship and the actual action he's doing? He's baptising his daughter. (pictures below)

I'm not sure if any of you guys have seen an adult baptism, but I have thanks to my religion class, and let me tell you, those priests get REAL close. Not to mention, this is the same lake he nearly died in. Of course he's going to want to be close to make sure she's alright. He doesn't get any closer, the only reason they're that close is because its when Silco is starting to tip her backwards, but while Jinx is still holding herself upright.

(honourable mention moment - Silco in the last scene of this ep is amazing and I commend the animators for being able to show his emotions so clearly.)

1x06

This first scene with Jinx doesn't add anything to the relationship with Silco BUT it does contextualise how touchy she is. She hugs this random guy. Sure, it's to plant a glitter bomb to his back and scare him, but still, she doesn't even know his name. Same with the Sevika scene, she's practically on top of Sevika, and then once Sevika tells her about Vi, she pulls Sevika so close that I just know they could smell each other's breaths. Their foreheads are literally touching.

So much happens this episode thanks to Silco and Jinx both finding out about Vi, but there are 2 things I want to note, 1, Silco praises Jinx to Vi, just. I wish MY dad did that. 2, this is the big shift away from Powder (Vi) to Jinx (Silco).

ACT 3

1x07

(sorry just - the ash tray covered in crayons? I did that to my parents ash tray once)

This is where the show stops going for subtext. Sevika compares her relationship with her dad to Jinx and Silco. THAT IS TEXT.

Anyways, the next big scene. The second injection.

"We are family."

I saw someone seriously try to say they never thought Silco and Jinx were family. Did you just, not watch the show? "Oh she's sitting on his lap again." Yeah she's also stabbed him in the face twice and in the neck once. Does that scream sexual tension to you?

1x08

Okay, so, Silco kisses Jinx this episode. On the forehead, while she's on her deathbed. He kissed her the same way I kiss my nephew goodnight. I cannot stress enough, I am a Jegulus shipper and even I am not seeing romantic or sexual tension and he actually just kissed her.

"I, too, once had a daughter" again. A character comparing their father/daughter relationship to Silco and Jinx.

1x09

(quick note - the way Silco acts when Renni's son dies is iconic)

Circling back to the trust thing, he is literally putting his life in Sevika's hands, she can chose to be loyal to him or to join Finn, and he knows that the choice is hers. Look at how he acts after she swings her sword. He is hyperventilating. He sat still and patient while Jinx literally stabbed him with that needle thing, but when Sevika had the choice between a gutsy kid or her longtime boss he feared for his life. Sure, he pulls himself together, but that was pure PANIC

Anyways, big moment here.

"You're my daughter." Silco to Jinx, moments before disaster. If you manage to watch that and still look back and think "The writers were trying to communicate that there was a sexual relationship between them." you are a child left behind.

To sum my points up + stuff that doesn't really have a nice spot to put it:

Silco and Jinx are the only people they truly trust. Silco hates being touched and Jinx is a very tactile person, she is also consistently the only person that touches Silco.

This relationship isn't normal or healthy, it's co-dependent asf but it's also 100% platonic and never once moves towards sexual or romantic

This is dedicated to the people that think their relationship is gross, not to the shippers. The shippers are already too far gone.

Watching the whole show through only Jinx and/or Silco scenes is still cohesive and you don't see Jayce until the very end, 10/10 for the writers

[thunder-opossum]

I keep saying I'll go through and analyze some art and story aspects of Sizzling Waters, so this is that!!!

Sizzle has an evident connection to his name. He is proud of it, but when Artificer only calls him "pup" it brings him down, weakens him.

While askers were interacting with him, although he was uncomfortable or scared, he never was violent, unlike his mother.

I've mentioned this before, but "Tangled Kelp" got their name because they were the only reason Sizzle bothered caring for himself after he left the tribe. Sizzle was slowly dying. And Kelp saved him, just like the plants that he grasped onto to keep alive when he left his first home.

I said early on how Artificer would "experience permadeath" in the end, but I never said how.

Burning Amidst Clouds (Sizzle's scav parent) always knew how Sizzle got separated and how his sister was dead. So they knew why Artificer was killing all the scavangers. Burning told Sizzle to go to someplace without scavangers in the hopes to hide him. Burning knew she most likely would not make it out alive. And she didn't.

Artificer always puts the blame on the scavengers. Forgoing whatever she thought of them before the tragedy

Something fun that never came up is Sizzles gender and sexualiity and voice claim! Something I talked about behind the scenes with a friend. Sizzle is enby. He uses male pronouns but is completely fine with any other ones. I've had trouble deciding on Sizzle's sexuality bc of that one incident with an a on making me very uncomfortable. But without putting a label on him, he is practically entirely open. Though he never plans to actually settle with a mate. Just have a mutually beneficial noncommittal relationship kinda like a QPR?

Here is his voice claim for when he was younger! Please share opinion!

His adult voice (post campaign) is jackstauber singing "just take my wallet"

Describing this, it goes in left to right order in like a rainbow curve- Sizzle purges Artificer, follows Artificers path of murder, the cheiftan's mask being split- nearly being killed, mirrors sizzles image of horror while arti smiles, and Artificers karma flower wilting

I just want more attention on this bc I love it sm

Sizzle was never fully happy to have met his mother again.

Artificer never cried for Sizzle since meeting him again.

And to anyone who was worried their asks caused Kelp to die, no, it was always planed.

This post shows (in the symbols) how Artificer it becoming more accepted as a mother as Sizzle looses a friend, despite the fact Artificer was the reason for Kelps death

This post shows Artificers views on sizzle. She believes that she is the only one who could raise him, so that means he is still a pup.

This post is foreshadowing to Arti's death, her being the vulture.

Reminder that Sizzle has a Playlist that is based off his story

Artificer is shown yelling at Sizzle only rarely, and I am here to canonically say that Artificer verbally and physically abuses Sizzle a lot- have fun angst writers.

Sizzle has a birthday!

Sizzle is only seen being happy and comfortable in the presence of the elite scavenger he traded with after kelps death.

Reminder of how cute Kelp is

Sizzle was bullied

Sizzle has nightmares involving violent scavs for the exact opposite reasons Artificer has them

Sizzle got a whooping after this

This is my favorite art of sizzle and his parent, epecialy the small hug one, maybe I'll make it a pfp

That's all I got on notes. But ik some of you are still curious about me flaking out on Sizzle's story. I am a busy student who is going through mental health troubles and j regret a lot of my commitments due to issues in my reward center basically?

Yet again thanks to everyone for reading a d supporting my story and me. Love you all/platonic

[seamistgale]

*digs my lost tags up from the ether* uhhh… what did i have in my drafts….?

Dangerous and equally Volatile bf Dan with his Positive Exposure boyfriend who has Experience with Anger Issues like you wouldn't imagine.

He lets Dick most of the moral heavy-lifting decisions instead of defaulting to violence now, bc the Sudden and Unexpected, but Not Unpleasant Codependance has a chokehold on his emotions and need for positive reinforcement. It's nice not to have to worry about things he doesn't get anymore, yk? Who cares if a couple of cities get leveled? Not him, that's who. Dick would though. He'd be so angry. Dan can deal with angry Nightwing-- he can't quite deal with a disappointed, anguished Dick that's angry at himself up because 'maybe i didnt help you when you needed me' Grayson. It's like Jazz crying for him. because of him. It hurts.

Babs thinks it isn't healthy, and has said so and tried to reason with Dick bc you have to see this can end up terribly, right? Given their history, this situation in particular sounds familiar (Dick butting his head where people don't ask him to.) and they've been here more times than she wants to keep count of.

Dick knows he has his bf on a bit of a 'hey tell me whenever u got The Urges babe' leash, but counters that it's helping?? He might be fumbling a bit in the dark on how to phrase things in a way that a) Appeal to Dan's sense of feelings-driven logic thing he has going on, b) Doesn't come up as manipulative because the intent isnt to, to restrict but help his bf redirect all those extreme impulses into good things. bc he believes in him. He's already used to being a good chunk of the hero community's morale booster, and he'd like to say his own moral compass is usually pretty accurate. With Dan he can roughhouse a little bit. just a little. Apparently playfighting is healthy, and by god does he still have some good old flare ups on that suppressed anger he keeps under wraps a goos 80% of the time.

Meanwhile, Dan lets his bf try to be sneaky, it's funny to let him think this whole 'I can fix him' rabbit hole. It would make him angry usually, but Dick's so sincere about caring for him its just… nice bc it reminds him of the family that got taken away from him amusing instead. yeah, that. He goes along with these silly exercises and gets some dates out of it. Oh hey, is that a hobby he actually enjoys? huh, he thought he wasn't capable of those anymore, but whatever. He's pretending, alright? He knows he's a monster, and you can't just un-fuck a ghost, or something. They're all violent in some way or another, that's how they all are. He mentions as much to Jazz with a shrug, because well, its true.

Jazz, making use of her hard-won professionalism, keeps her lips sealed this time. She prods a little, keeps count, and watches as the two prowl around each other like a couple of cats learning to live together. She thinks they're good for each other; sure, codependency isn't something anything rometely positive on any other health professional standard, but this is a halfa ghost made out of two people, and a vigilante that protects the (second, now?) most crime-infested city in order somehow.

Dan CAN change, he just doesn't want to think about it, won't admit it. It's good that he's letting someone else help with things he can't; with his issues around people leaving him, pushing people away via anger, and control issues surrounding himself, it's a miracle he hears Dick out let alone allow him to sway his decisions. He trusts Dick to help. From her perch, Dan's whipped; but she won't be the one to say it, because she knows he's stubborn enough to try to prove her wrong. Jazz isn't going to put ideas in Dan very talented hands for self-destruction and be a homewrecker.

And Dick…? Jazz doesn't know him as well, and assuming is a pitfall, but she also kinda has to judge him a bit, she's dating one of her baby brothers after all. He sounds like he also has issues dealing with control, but on the other way around; it's not malicious trying to gain control of your life, but whenever that extends to others, people tend to fall on the tin balancing line between trying to be helpful and being overbearing. Dan giving Dick agency over some of his decisions probably soothes that sort of compulsive urges too. They keep each other from being a worse version of themselves, at least-- and on the better end (which is the one she hopes for) they'll probably keep developing routines that keep uplifting each other.

Danny would love to stop being Jazz's soundboard about Dan's love life with (the first robin!!! whoa!!) this Totally Random cop that didn't get the ACAB memo. He's SO ready to make popcorn for the inevitable day Vlad finds out his sort-of son is dating Brucie Wayne's son though; those two get along like oil and water.

(funny prompt)

Dick: Were you serious about becoming the final boss?

Dan: Ha ha. Do you think I'd go along with a sweet deal planned by someone else?

Dick: I don't think you did...

(Not sure if I really understood this prompt, but I had fun lol)

Dan: I would kill for you, Dick. I would tear apart this world and gift it to you on a silver plate with a necklace made of stars and a ring of sunlight. Whatever you want, it’s yours 😊

Dick: … okay. So could I ask you to not take over the world?

Dan: No ☺️ Make a list of who you want to save, I’ll spare those people, but that’s it.

Dick:

Dick: *flattered, horny, and very, very afraid*

[luna-rainbow]

i saw someone recently say that they preferred sambucky over stevebucky (either platonic or romantic tbh) because they felt bucky was happier not living under the shadow of his former self? suggesting that he intentionally spent most of him time post winter soldier away from steve because he didn't want to be compared to a former version of himself that he couldn't return to? I'm a big lover of stevebucky so the idea that steve wouldn't be able to stop comparing (even if subconsciously) post-ws bucky to pre-ws bucky made me question the ship slightly? or that bucky was actually happier without steve in the readjustment process bc he could become his own person without preconceived ideas of what he should be like hanging over his head. I've read a few fics about this and i kinda wanted to know what u thought - would steve's knowledge of the old bucky affect their relationship so negatively that bucky would be happier alone/with people unfamiliar with who he was before (sorry for the rambling question)

Thank you lovely for the very interesting ask! I love these kind of hypotheticals!

First and foremost, don't ever let anyone convince you that you're only allowed to ship one pairing. A lot of people DO only ship one ship, and kudos to them, but you are not a bad fan if you want to ship Bucky with multiple people. Heck, I got into Stucky via Sambucky, and uh…anyway, here I am.

The idea that "Bucky stayed away from Steve because he didn't want to be compared to old Bucky" is one of my favourite angsty "loss of innocence" tropes to explore -- because yes, that's going to be one of Bucky's major insecurities after the Winter Soldier. He isn't the same person as before and no matter how hard he tries, he's never going to go back to who he was before.

The absolutely fascinating part, then, is how a fanfic writer decides to address this. So yeah, I can see this as the jumping board for a SamBucky story (or any other non Stucky ship).

But this is also a concept that not only fits in well within the Stucky fanon/narrative, it's also crucial to explore in order to bring the two of them back together. How does Steve accept that Bucky has changed, and how does Bucky come to trust that Steve accepts this changed version of him?

The answer is, for me, this is Steve we're talking about. Steve with all his tenacity and empathy and loyalty. This is Steve who's known Bucky since childhood, who probably knows Bucky better than the current Bucky remembers himself. This is also a Steve has fought one of the bloodiest wars in history. He is young, but he's not naive. The people of his time didn't have the right words for it - but he has seen a lot of mental health issues on the field. He's come out on the other end of the war still believing in the goodness of humans (his "I'm willing to bet I'm not" speech), so I have no doubt he will look at Bucky and see that -- yeah, you've changed, you've had terrible things happen to you for well over half a century, but you are also still the same kind soul that I grew up with, and that kindness is what's most important; I can still see him in you, even if you are different, and I believe you deserve all the love I can give you.

And you know what, there IS canon evidence that Steve believes in Bucky, believes in the goodness that couldn't be burned away with 70 years of brainwashing. Sam saying to Steve - (Bucky) isn't the kind you save and he won't know you - and Steve replying without an ounce of doubt in his voice, "He will." Or Steve going after Bucky to save him from the SIT because "he'd have done the same for me".

I think another crux is that recent gif set - the "I'm following the little guy from Brooklyn" speech. That was a vow - it was Bucky saying "I loved you (platonically/romantically/wte) when you were a poor disabled scruffy kid in the dumps, and I will love you just the same even if you're a buff blue-eyed Adonis." Their story, as always, encircles each other's - it is now Steve's turn to say "I loved you when you were a nerdy protective flirt and I will love you just the same even if you're disabled and scruffy and dealing with horrendous PTSD". I think that vow also highlights just how important Steve was, even at that point, to Bucky, which means…their loyalty will always draw them back to each other. Once Bucky sees Steve has faith in him, he will have faith in himself to rebuild his identity in a way that's true to him.

It really depends on the writer, but most versions I’ve seen in which Steve and Bucky separate (over this issue) write Steve as either obtuse, selfish or emotionally immature…which is not how I read him to be. I think he has the emotional maturity to accept that Bucky will have similarities but will also have stark differences to who he once was...but then, time leaves its mark on everyone it touches, not just Bucky (I kinda touched on that concept on my "Learning to Want" fic *self plug*). It's a rough road and on some days there's going to be more setbacks than progress, and yeah on some days Steve is going to get frustrated and upset and maybe even a little defeatist, but I think both he and Bucky have that tenacious survivor streak in them that will pull them through, especially if they're together.

[strawdool]

Let me tell you Straw, your Modern AU has given me an immense amount of inspiration. At one point I would have liked to write some fanfics around it but it wasn't really in my right to do so, so I didn't. I think I like this AU in particular because in order for Lamb and Narinder to even remotely make it work they have to fight through a ton of issues. I like seeing characters get completely broken by the consequences of their actions and then learn how to fight their own demons. It's also a bit of hit or miss on whether people like this relationship development, but I really like the kind of relationships in fiction where the characters have to really fight for it. It's all well and good to have a story where the characters fall in love instantly and after maybe one calamity or two, they set off in the sunset. But for me, I like the relationships more where you aren't sure where things are going. There's clear signs but the two characters really have to want that relationship to make it work and fight through a lot of problems. It can suck seeing the characters stumble but in the end to me, it's very rewarding that once they have (hopefully) solved said issues, they will probably have a stronger and healthier relationship than most. To me, any kind of foundation that has seen struggle and survived it will always be stronger than one that has never experienced conflict. In other words, a relationship that could survive its issues and find compromise and resolution I think is more likely to last in the end. This is not always the case but in fiction we can force happy endings right? That said though, I have to really wonder if your modern Narinder and Lamb will ever get their act together to actually forge a peaceful and successful life together. I don't know if you have a full story planned out or not but if Narinder has already screwed up to the point of a breakup then there may be no recovery from that. The path forward I see is him finally addressing his problems and trying to turn his life around. As the Lamb, hopefully they can find a life where they're not in threat of the outside world. Maybe the two could eventually reconcile and form a long lasting friendship even if it never fully repairs. I'm just always hoping that characters will learn from their mistakes even though often in real life some people never learn and will constantly do the same horrible things. If I had to say what the most appealing part of your au is, it's the hope aspect. It's the hope that someday Narinder will realize what a trash bucket he is and do something about it. It's the hope that the Lamb can realize their self worth. Maybe it'll end with Narinder, a fully cleaned up man with a plan, formally apologizing to the Lamb for everything he's done and after a cordial conversation he disappears, on to a new life. The Lamb doesn't really know what becomes of him but hopes that he will do some good with his life. Maybe somewhere in the back of their head they'll lament too that Narinder figured things out too late. I don't know, thinking out loud at this point. But hey, this is a very interesting AU and it has sparked far more ideas than just those. So have a good day and I very much look forward to more if you happen to do so.

me when anon goes into a full rant about my au i feel so happy that my au had make you have a lot of inspo <33333

anyway answering your question, Narinder and Lamb spiral after the breakup: lamb bc they were betrayed at their most vulnerable and Narinder trying to justify his bad action with "they deserved it" but deep down knowing he fucked up badly but he doesnt want to accept that and so he doubles down and he gets into a very bad place mentally.

but while Lamb finally opens up to their insecurities and their situations to goat and ratau after all. Narinder had already pushed everyone away; no family, no friends, nothing.

it takes a while until one day Narinder finally comes to the realization how badly he is and starts getting his life together. (i like to say that it all starts with cleaning his apartment lol)

he doesnt contact lamb for a whole year at this point he even got a job and is now reconnecting with his kids, until he remember Lamb and finally accepts that the way he treated them and all the blame the put on them wasnt right.

And so he tries to find them to talk things throught (goes to a point he kinda starts stalking them for a bit) and when he finally gets to them Goat is the one who interrupts him with punching him in the face. but mf doesnt give up which results in him getting his ass beaten many times.

For Lamb and Narinder to finally get on good terms it takes a while, if reconstructing their friendship already took them months, rekindle the romantic relationship its another can of worms that both try to take it slowly and not rush things. Narinder in that he becomes really nervous, afraid to hurt them again and Lamb tries to takes things step by step specially for trusting him again.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for yelling at my friend over discord?

@aita-throwary-blogggg1456789 for finding later

so. um. i realise i come across as massively assholey here but idk man. this might just be teenage angst/drama

basically i (16FTM) have this friend. lets call him O (16M) we met last year since i showed him around the school on his first day. we sort of clicked and became friends.

at the time i was questioning my gender identity and was talking to a couple professionals about possible mental health issues and disabilites i was suspected to have, and when i talked to O about it he was super supportive. when i came out as enby he accepted me, and when i eventually came out as trans he accepted me then too. i told him about the adhd and the anxiety and the depression, and he was cool with all of that.

the main problem starts at the beginning of the new academic year. i'd introduced him to a really close knit friend group of mine, and he also clicked there. i was pretty happy about it, before he started saying some um... iffy things. i had recently found out my parents were severly abusive and i had been conditioned to believe that it was normal. so i'd talked to my friend group about it and they had all been really supportive. except for O. he'd conveniently kept quiet whenever i'd start talking about it. recently i asked him (quite nicely i'd like to add) why, and he said he doesn't have the full story, and that i was probably exagurating. obviously i was hurt, since it took a long time for me to finally talk about this shit, but i brushed it off since he had a relativley smooth life and didn't really know.

later i was diagonsed with osdd, and i told my friends. O admitted to me he thought i was faking it for attention, since he had become close with another person in the friend group T (16FTM). again i was deeply hurt, and didnt talk to him for a couple months. afterwards i started talking to him again, but he kept making jokes at my expense

one night i was highly emotional after a whole thing which led to me to cry for a couple hours. he made yet another joke at my expense in the discord gc and i just snapped. i went into dms and yelled at him for a paragraph and then some. he hasn't replied or even talked to me and i'm scared i did the wrong thing and overreacted

i feel really bad about it but my firend told me i wasnt the asshole... but am i?

so tumblr, aita??

(if this posted again bc of tumblr being wierd im sorry)

[justallihere]

aNOTHER play by play of my thoughts <3

I kid you not the entire time I was reading this the audio of Klaus saying "MOMMY ISSUES" was playing in my head

Lilith really said, "I'm going to be useful when I come to my kids by brining riders AND insert myself into the military lol"

OMG OMG DEVERA AND FELIX!!!!!

I'm assuming their mother is a particularly touchy subject between Mira and Vi (i lowkey felt uncomfortable reading their conversation in a good way but I also wanted to diffuse the situation between the two 💀 LOL) Mira needs a goddamn award. The mental gymnastics of trying to love/defend her mom but also understanding Vi's own personal feelings and her position as queen is rough

Mira telling Vi she's the favorite (likely bc she's the baby bc let's be for real here lol) Vi thinking its Brennan makes my heart break for Mira because what about her???? (No slight against Vi or B but my heart aches for Mira too, as the eldest daughter). All of them need a goddamn hug

This line HIT , when did this become a therapy session LMAO

“It’s okay if it’s not enough, and it’s also okay if you let it be enough. If you try, too,” she added pointedly, “instead of being stubborn about it. She left the country she’s dedicated her entire life to because of you.” 

Not Mira begrudgingly accepting Xaden and knowing that he's antsy as fuck w/o Vi

“Go home to your insufferable husband,” she said. “You probably stressed him out.” 

The dragons finally fucked and X and Vi had to do something about it. The spicy scene was 10/10!!!! I have so much respect for ppl who write smut well bc I can't do it LOL but what i really appreciated was the attention to detail of X getting her conduit for her so that she doesn't burn down the kingdom 💀. My exact thoughts were "wait is her mom going to know their fucking bc of the lightening" but then I didn't even need to think about that bc you HAD IT COVERED LOL

Lilith is so complex and I love her for it. I bet the room was frigid when Brennan and Lilth spoke.

Naolin was mentioned and I am SOBBING. I hope RY expands on him but idk if it will make it to canon tbh

Glad this was sorted out bc I know this was a particular fan theory that was RAMPANT. I never particularly agreed w it

“Dead?” Lilith repeated.  “The storm the day I crossed the parapet—” “I had nothing to do with that,” she interrupted. 

I am terrified and excited for what is to come Alli 😭. Again another lovely chapter that I thoroughly enjoyed from start to finish

So many mommy issues. All the mommy issues.

One thing about Lilith is that she has a purpose, and that purpose is protecting her kids, and because she's emotionally distant she'll just do things for them instead of with them.

I'm obsessed with Felix. He's such a fun character, just so much personality even though we see next to nothing of him in canon. Same with Devera! They feel the same to me in a lot ways I think.

Lilith is a touchy subject among all the Sorrengail children for sure, but definitely with Mira and Vi because Mira has spent so long trying to keep the peace between the two of them. And (in this world) Mira has been there for Violet in a maternal role a bit, so she sees the choices Lilith makes differently than Vi does and relates to them more, where Violet just sees that it's not what she needs from her mom.

This became a therapy session...somewhere around chapter 10, probably.

Idk what it is but I just love a dragon lust-fueled sex moment. Hits different, you know?

I can't believe I wrote a positive thing about Brennan Sorrengail 🤮 never happening again. Naolin is still just so intriguing though, I also hope we get to hear more about him in canon (I don't want him to be venin, I want him to be dead, to be clear).

I never particularly bought into the "Lilith tried to kill Violet on the parapet" thing either, especially once we learned about the deal she'd made with Xaden. She just loves Violet so much.

I, too, am excited and terrified for what's to come! Mostly excited!

[ghostinthegallery]

As a transformers fan I love robots who have divorce drama stretching millions of years but also have a body count in the trillions. Thus it has taken little convincing but I think I shall investigate these undead robots.

In the event of my death I'm Telling. This is your fault. How do I start wading into this mess bc my only encounter with Warhammer was when a very drunk frat guy tried to explain the horus heresy at a party.

Well you are in for a treat then! Robots with marriage/divorce drama, severe mental health issues, and body counts best measured on a planetary scale are our specialty in Chez Necron.

If you want a setting overview before you dive in, Bricky's two part series going over all the factions is quite solid. Long, but hey this has been around since the 80s. (no drunken Horus Heresy rambles*)

First, watch this clip of Trazyn the Infinite, as an amuse bouche before your meal.

As for books, there are two main places I'd start for necrons:

The Infinite and the Divine- the classic starting point for necrons (and 40k in general). Trazyn the Infinite, lord of the Prismatic Galleries, battles against Orikan the Diviner, master chronomancer and prophet. Clash of godlike beings over...what amounts to a magic Rubik's Cube. It's so petty. This fight spans epochs, multiple wars, and one legal case. There's no heterosexual explanation for their dynamic. Also this book has dinosaurs. Some of whom carry shuriken canons.

Now, this book has a ton of 40k stuff. Most major factions make an appearance so there's a very good chance there will be words/things that a new person is unfamiliar with. If that doesn't bother you, awesome! Proceed. Ask me things, I'll explain that an aeldar is just a space elf or whatever. Or watch a lore vid beforehand. However if that is a turn off I'd recommend starting with...

Severed- Novella, so shorter which is nice. Do you like angst? The horrors of immortality? Lord/knight love story? One very silly guy? Then meet Zahndrekh and his loyal bodyguard Obyron as they set out to conquer a planet where the necrons are...wrong. Complicating factors include Obyron's crippling depression, Zahndrekh's asshole ex, and the fact Zahndrekh is insane and believes them all to still be the creatures of flesh and blood they were before a bunch of star gods ate their souls and turned them into robots. Prepare to cry.

After those, I cannot recommend the Twice Dead King duology highly enough. Oltyx, an exiled prince attempts to save his dynasty from destruction while battling his own creeping madness. He's got an adorable crush on his hot best friend. The voices in his head were put there on purpose so its fine. Well most of them were. Everything is fine. I didn't cry multiple times reading these...

Then refer to my reading guide for the good short stories and boom! The wonderful world of gay undead space robots is open before you.

I accept full responsibilities for my actions. If you die I promise to say mostly nice things at your funeral.

*mini rant, but I honestly think the Horus Heresy is one of the worst ways to introduce someone to the 40k world. It's a series with like 70 books! Many of them are bad! You need a flowchart to keep track of the timeline! I know there's some good books and characters, power to all who love the HH, but it is not newbie friendly! Also it only has humans which robs you of some of the best parts of the setting (like...y'know. Necrons). Ease people in, then they can make an informed decision about tackling the mountain of buff space men with daddy issues shooting each other.

[daz4i]

ok now i'm at home in bed and can make a proper post with all my thoughts. gushing abt personal stuff and possibly getting into sensitive territory here and there under the cut

today was really nice 🥹

i love our group i'm so glad i got to meet them i'm so glad they are a part of my life

everything went well. i'm honestly. extremely proud of myself for making it through this entire process, and not giving up like i at times wanted to. the last few weeks where my role was tweaked a little were super fun and today was the highlight, like seeing and hearing the audience clap even when i did just the littlest things was so. satisfying

after the show lots of people, including complete strangers, came up to me and told me i was great and that i was both funny and touching and they loved my part, i got so many hugs ahdjkflg 😭😭😭 beyond the clapping and laughter i got during the show which were already nice 🥹

the show itself was received better than i expected, and i started liking it more in recent weeks too hehe. we leaned into the campiness of it even more and it made it so much more fun to experience

it reminded me how much i love theater and how much i love being on a stage and not to sound spiritual or w/e but i truly was meant for this like this is what i'm supposed to be doing. i hope i can some day do it for money lol enough to make a living at least :P

. my whole body hurts (fr this show was so much exercise for my lazy ass 😩) but it's a good kind of hurt? bc it comes with satisfaction. hope i don't regret saying this tomorrow :P

in addition to playing in the show i was also somewhat of an assistant director lol. both our director and someone from the management team who was involved in the process mentioned it to my mom separately, like our director praised me for this and said my insight was always helpful and that i had great ideas omg 😭 this entire time i was worried that i'm like. taking over too much or smth bc i always had shit to say abt everything fr :P but ig it was received well 🙏 here and there i gave comments to other actors too to remind them stuff or correcr certain movements or lines and i was always worried it annoyed them but. they never got mad at any point. so maybe i can accept that i'm allowed to take space and offer my insight and not only will nothing bad happen, but good things will happen even hehe.

so this is where i get into the sensitive stuff i mentioned. bc if you follow me then you probably know my mental state is Not Great to say the least. and while i did have a lot of anxiety today (even got 2 pieces of somewhat bad news during the day which ofc were both huge bummers) i didn't think abt wanting to die even once. at some point my mean brain tried to bring it up and i managed to shut it down immediately which practically never happens (even when i'm having fun with friends it usually takes a bit more time for me to shake the thought away). which is kind of amazing and also another confirmation that i should be doing this more probably. i think

and. i mentioned being proud of myself. that's also smth that never happens but my aforementioned mean brain can't argue this time bc i absolutely objectively DO have the right to be proud of myself for everything i've done

less than one year ago i barely went out, maybe twice a week at most. the only people i met regularly were my parents (bc. i live with them lol) and my close friends. now i go out 4 times a week at the minimum and i interact not only with my fellow actors but other people in the art program as well, i use public transport which i basically never did since i was like. in high school. and talk to strangers even though I'm still terrified

i didn't just go on a stage but allowed myself to be filmed and managed to look at pictures of myself from the dress rehearsal despite having Issues™️ with this sort of thing. being seen wasn't bad. it was good even. i didn't feel as self conscious about the whole thing as i usually do basically

it's kind of amazing to see how much i've changed tbh. achieved. i didn't think smth like this could happen, let alone so quickly (and during. a literal war. that obviously didn't help anyone's mental state)

like. i mentioned being proud of myself. and this is a part of it, doing things that are so huge for someone like me and compared to who i usually am. but i think even compared to a normal person, i did a pretty damn good job that most people don't normally do, and i absolutely earned the right to feel good for the work i put in

^even thinking this is like chewing glass for me so this is ALSO an achievement actually. me feeling good about myself i mean. feeling pride. acknowledging my own success. makes me look back at other things i do/did that others are proud of me for and go "huh. i guess they're right" even tho i denied it before

idk. maybe i'll get a major adrenaline crash and forget these feelings tomorrow. maybe they'll last for a few days. maybe they'd even make a long term mark! who knows! i guess we can only hope (realistically speaking, the way i know myself, it won't stick :P but who knows. maybe just like i am currently building myself and my life little by little, i'll keep accumulating successes like this little by little too, solidify my self esteem a bit more at a time lol

idk how to finish this post. uh. if you read this i'm kissing you on the mouth. i'd say i hope i don't sound too conceited but nah i earned the right to be so anyway 🧐 no one gets to tell me otherwise

[jounosparticles]

Why are the hunting dogs giving out job offers left and right and to the mots likely people to ever agree to that aswell

Jouno to kunikida : hey I know your kinda the future president of the Ada and that you threw your self out of a helicopter then blew yourself up just to protect them and I know I mentally tormented you so much that your questioning everything youve ever stood for and that I'm still mentally tormenting you now but I really like your heart beat so how about you join us in murdering your friends 👍

Fukichi to aktugawa : I know your a high ranking member in a criminal organization and that you here risking your life for your enemy bc the man your borderline obbsessed with asked you to but how about you forget all of that and train under me?

No? Bc dazai is your only master? Okay cool that's okay how about instead of that you just kill the man your master asked you to protect?

Like how are there only five members, their clearly want some new recruits

Honestly I'm surprised tecchou didn't offer kenji a job after their fight

(I'm aware that the agency also just hires anyone who wants to join as long as they pass the vibe check but the HD is a government organization you'd think it'd be stricter 😂)

i assume the whole jouno-kunikida interaction was mostly jouno taunting him. however i assume jouno also has a bit of respect towards kunikida and how gutsy he was with the helicopter stunt, the job offer would make kunikida a non-threat and viable to the team. although it was likely mind games im sure if kunikida brought up the offer again there’s a chance he would be accepted. the hunting dogs now heavily being affiliated with the agency would provide a lot of manpower if ever needed.

now the akutagawa and fukuchi bit i feel was genuinely fukuchi not wanting to hurt an innocent person. fukuchi said that he didn’t want to kill another child, and asked akutagawa to do it in his stead. the man was broken, he also might have seen akutagawa as a temporary saving grace, so that he didn’t have to kill two people who were fighting for good. of course, fukuchi probably wasn’t entirely knowing of akutagawa’s dependance on dazai, so that might have not been a huge issue in his mind until aku mentioned it. with that in mind, akutagawa showed tremendous strength during the battle and proved himself to be a potentially good asset for the hunting dogs. red rashoumon with the hd uniform would look so cool i think

i assume since fukuchi is captain he would be allowed to recruit anyone he deems a good asset. as for jouno he is a good talker and likely is very convincing if he has his mind set on something. that’s my interpretation at least. i would love to see new hunting dogs, kunikida would be awesome as one i think.

[giyrut-girlie]

(queer) jews in my phone i need help/love

this is a long ass post im so sorry lmfao, im putting it in under the cut to save you all but also if people have head space pls read <3

on friday night, i found myself the last of the shabbat guests (who weren't staying the night) at the Rabbi's house. i had asked my housemate to pick me up at 10:30, but everyone else left before 10.

the kids and rabbi's wife had gone to bed, so it was me, the Rabbi, and two older frum guys who stay over shabbat most weeks to be closer to shul.

for some context, earlier in the evening one of these guys had asked another dinner guest (a med student who I'm good friends with, she's a year or two younger than me) whether trans issues came up in her study. the two of us youngins made brief "help me" eye contact and she answered saying that yes, they did cover trans issues given that as a doctor she will, at some point or another, treat trans patients. the subject was changed, but the room was a bit tense.

so: 10pm, i'm sitting at the table, a little tipsy from all the wine, just hanging out until my ride comes.

the rabbi says "hey ella, i have a question for you now that everyone else (by which he means the not-so-frum people) is gone." and i Just Knew what he was about to ask.

i won't go into extreme detail about the actual conversation, but to sum it up: I was asked my opinion on trans folk, i said that i am supportive and do in fact believe trans people about their identities and was Shut All The Way Down. if i cited statistics i was told that actually they'd seen the opposite, if i tried to explain a study i was familiar with, i was told that they didn't think that was true. i actually don't know how i stayed calm, bc my mind and body were telling me that i was Unsafe basically the entire time (thanks anxiety disorder really did me a solid there /s).

eventually 10:30 rolled around and i had a get out of jail free to skip the rest of that fuck awful conversation, and my housemate was very nice to listen to my debriefing. while talking to her i came to the realisation that one of the main factors in the disagreement was that the rabbi didn't actually value the wisdom of any cultures/teachings/histories outside of judaism. if I talked about sistergirls of the torres strait, or māhū of hawai'i, that was dismissed essentially as goyische nonsense.

this whole conversation has been a Fucking Downer for my mental health. i actually broke shabbat (beyond my usual one melacha to be in the clear and sneaky housemate taxi service) that night bc my thoughts were racing too much to sleep without putting on some comfort media.

but beyond the mental health stuff (though probably actually very related) i've found myself really struggling with judaism since friday night. having my rabbi, who has been helping me through conversion, and who i have really valued as a teacher, and the only two other frum people in the community be so overtly transphobic all at once has really taken me for a spin. like, my rabbi is a lubavitcher, i knew that he was going to be fairly conservative about some stuff, but he literally told me that he only uses the correct pronouns for one of our community members as a "personal favour", and essentially told me that she was good evidence against trans acceptance bc nothing she could ever do would ever make her not a man (and you better believe this involved a lot of comments about her appearance)

to put the icing on the cake, when i dropped off his kids today (i nanny for them once a week), he handed me a book that upon research is basically the jk rowling talking point bible. he said to me that it was a really good book for me to read and that it might help fight some of the "mob mentality" (interesting term for scientific consensus but okay)

(also i had actually looked up my own citations from the discussion later and found myself to be very much correct in my recitation of statistics, but you better believe i wasn't petty enough to forward them on)

ANYWAY if anyone is still reading i'm fucking bummed and super anxious about interacting with my community, my conversion, finding the balance between really truly wanting to pursue an orthodox lifestyle and also being queer myself etc etc

i live in a really small jewish community and can't really leave until i finish my degree in 2026, so i can't exactly just find a more accepting rabbi or shul.

anyone have any advice, or just some solidarity for feeling shitty in this space? love u jews in my phone xx

[fuckingguide]

do any other nd folks (or folks with other health issues that affect their daily life) struggle with accepting the fact that your life will always be harder than it is for most people? especially as you start putting in the work (eg by going to therapy) to mitigate the effect your neurodivergence has on your life? or has anyone been able to overcome that hurdle and has any tips on how to do that? more info under the cut.

I'm sure I've always been neurodivergent, but although there were signs as a kid, it was never really considered a problem bc my grades in school were really good, and I guess throughout my childhood and adolescence I was subconsciously masking or at the very least I had a script to make friends in school. then as I moved out of my parents' house and started university it all came crashing down and I started having mental breakdowns, I guess because I wasn't coping well with all the changes in my life. but still at the time I chalked it up to having moved to another country completely alone, and it being the first time I was living on my own. I thought I had social anxiety, and that was it. then I luckily made a few friends, and things started looking up from there.

then in my early twenties the pieces clicked and I realised that I'm most likely autistic, and that the social anxiety I had in uni was likely a symptom of that. but at the time of that realisation, my life was pretty set and there wasn't much going on (I had all my routines in place, had the same friends I've had for years, had had the same job for years), so I sort of filed the info under the "good to know" cabinet.

now, however, I'm in an unstable moment in my life. I changed jobs and countries about a year ago, and for the first time in my life I'm facing the possibility of being in a romantic relationship. and also I started going to therapy a few months ago. and I think, as I face these new experiences (romantic relationships), try to adapt to these new changes (job and country change) and work through things in therapy, it's really starting to hit me that, man. this is hard. it's really really hard. maybe it's like that for everyone regardless of mental health, but I can't help but think that my neurodivergence on top of everything else makes it extra difficult. and if being autistic is what's making everything so hard, that means life is always gonna be this hard. this is something I'm gonna have to live with, and while I've known that for years, I didn't know just how difficult it makes things.

idk I'm having a hard time with that thought. it's probably normal to feel this way, when it's the first time I've truly had this realisation, and I guess there's nothing to do but accept it, but still, I'm finding that difficult at the moment.

[chronicallyblogged]

So I saw a new foot doctor. This one who was insistent he be the one to see me for some reason and fit me in on his lunch. He came in wearing a kippah and mumbling. Sat down had me sit take off my shoes and scribbled in sharpie all over my feet mumbling something about mechanics. Then had me stand and sit. Mumbled more. Them looked at me and without me telling him anything detailed every single musculoskeletal issue I had and showed me how certain weak spots in my feet caused it. Also accepted immediately that I had this for a long time but no one took it seriously bc of my mental illness. If anything that was the answer he was looking for. Then he performed a series of pushes and stretches on my feet and calves and instantaneously my Achilles tendon loosened and my feet's strength improved. He also made me temperary orthotics in office. I no longer hurt when I walk. At all. My balance is improved. I didn't need a cane in the elevator.

On top of that when I started to get anxious at being touched he saw the cats on my cane and told me cat stories. When I wasn't sure if he was joking bc or social queue issues he kindly told me it was a joke and allowed me to laugh as I realized it.

Best doctor I have ever seen

[idontmindifuforgetme]

My ex best friend 'didnt want to get involved' when her girlfriend was bullying me and it took forever and some therapy but I realized it was because she didn't respect or care about me just like you said. If you aren't willing to stand up for someone you care about you don't really care all that much

i am so sorry anon :/ yeah i used to try to justify this mentality bc it would hurt much more to accept the painful reality that someone simply does not care. i’d just be like “well not everyone has a confrontational personality” “maybe they’re just innately more levelheaded than me” bc when i was younger i used to be so much more hotheaded. i def mellowed out the older i got, but confronting someone was never a big issue for me, so i’d always write it off as different dispositions / personality types. i’d literally gaslight myself into thinking i was in the wrong for taking an issue w this, especially due to the hyperindividualistic american culture i grew up in. it’s only in recent years that i realized this was just a symptom of not caring enough about a person to share in their burden. and that has caused me to reevaluate so many of my friendships