#they deserve to be happy i wont take criticism on that either

[ovwechoes]

could you do illari x dva headcanons?

Sunset Mecha / Illari x Dva Headcanons! Sure I'm happy to write for them - I'll keep it SFW and if you want some NSFW ones send another ask c:

How did they meet? What were their opinions of each other when first meeting? They would've met through Overwatch, and one of their missions together would've ensured they'd work together. They didn't know much about each other beforehand, besides what the news had spoke about, and the mission gave them an opportunity to work closer together and understand each other better. Illari would've thought of D.Va as the typical celebrity - she was sceptical about how kind or how determined Hana truly was, and it was something she kept her guard up about. She'd be somewhat envious of the fact that her country values Hana so deeply, and she's able to serve Korea in a way that Illari couldn't for Peru and the Inti Warriors. Hana, on the other hand, wouldn't have much to say about Illari that wasn't positive. She would be excited to work with someone new, and welcomes friends with open arms. I can imagine, though, that she'd be frustrated with Illari as she sees how fiercely independent she is. Hana wouldn't understand it, even though she's the same way at times, and she would get frustrated at times trying to help Illari when she clearly needs it but wont accept it especially during the mission.

How did they start dating? Who confessed first? They would've been definitely butting heads, almost enemies to lovers. They'd be too alike for them not to - they're both independent, rarely back down, and deep down they're overworked and mentally exhausted. They'd end up enjoying time late at night, working, understanding each other the more they spoke and opened up about their past. It helped them get to know each other, and helped spring up romantic feelings between the two of them. Hana would've confessed first, one night while working with Illari on overdue deadlines and paperwork. Illari's too proud and too anxious at the same time to confess her feelings and open up to that extent, especially with what happened to her loved ones in the past. She doesn't believe she deserves love, so it would take Illari time to respond and tell Hana she feels the same way and wants a relationship. Hana's understanding of this though; sure it hurt a lot at the time, not knowing if she was being rejected or accepted. But she knew that regardless of the outcome, they'd be able to be friends still and work with each other with competence. When Illari did accept her, and told her she felt the same way but was scared, the conversation after was filled with reassurance, love and tears. It would've been the first time either of them cried in so long, and it would be well worth it to bring them even closer together.

What are their ideal dates? Illari isn't fussy when it comes to dates - as long as she gets to spend time with Hana, she's happy. However, she loves a picnic in the park on a sunny but breezy day. Illari and Hana often have dates where they meet up in the park, with the objective of bringing food that's from their home countries so that they can talk about what they mean, why they love them and share their thoughts on it. Being able to embrace each other's cultures is important to Illari, and she values how open minded Hana is when it comes to food. It's something they love to explore with each other, and even if they sat in silence most of the date, taking in the environment and people watching, she'd be happy knowing Hana was loving her country's food and cooking. Hana, on the other hand, loves a date night in the most. Hana loves movie marathon dates, where her and Illari pick 3 movies to watch each, and they binge-watch all 6 as though they're movie critics. They love expanding their movie knowledge and being able to share the time with some snacks and something to fill their mind that isn't work is something they both appreciate, but especially Hana. She likes to make each date night in feel different, so other common dates she loves are karaoke night, book club night and sometimes, if she's feeling especially in the mood, she just likes to smoke some weed with Illari and watch some old cartoons. Hana's not the type to usually smoke weed, but she and Illari both benefit from it massively and she enjoys doing so with someone else who's open minded and willing to with her.

What do they like most about each other? Hana, as much as she likes to stay positive, likes Illari's perspective on life. Illari has a more grounded reality, and she's experienced so much hardships in her life that it's made her more reluctant to trust people. Her outlook on things helps Hana ground her and keep her out of her bubble of what she wants people to be like. It's helped her be less trusting, to the point of naivety. It's something she values from Illari, especially when she doesn't mince her words and helps Hana process things she otherwise wouldn't bother with because she gives people too much benefit of the doubt. Illari, on the other hand, loves Hana's positivity. It's something she struggles with, and struggles with her mental health sometimes to the point where she's clouded with the negativity in her mind. However, Hana reminds her of the beauty of life, and gives her hope of better endings and beginnings. She appreciates being told she's being pessimistic, or being too nihilistic, or simply is being silly and that's not the case by Hana. Having someone who can counter your thoughts with logic and reassurance is something Illari values, and it brings her even closer to Hana.

Who cooks the most? They've definitely had their moments where they're too tired and just simply order food, regretting it in the morning because of the late night delivery fee being so high. However, when they have the time and opportunity to, Illari loves to cook for Hana and they often do it together. It's something they really have fun with, even if they make a mess of the communal OVW HQ kitchen (to which Angela always gets upset about because they've forgotten to clean up after themselves somewhere). They enjoy the time together, and the silliness that comes with it. Sometimes Illari does it herself alone, especially when Hana's busy, so that she can bring it to her as a hot meal to keep her energised and focused. She enjoys doing so and making sure Hana takes care of herself properly. Plus, she's seen the things Hana does while cooking (forgetting to turn the oven on, overheating oil to the point of fire, etc) so she doesn't trust her to do it alone unless she has to.

What are their love languages? Hana's main love language for showing love is physical affection - a hand on Illari's, a kiss on the cheek, holding Illari, anything like that is something Hana feels most able to do to show her love. It's where she feels most confident, and she has the opinion of actions speaking louder than words. However, she still loves showing Illari how much she loves her through her words, as a way to amplify her actions. With Illari being very similar to Hana, Hana feels more confident doing so verbally with less risk of judgement and it's something she feels she can do freely. However, when receiving love, she loves acts of service. Sometimes, Hana's simply too lazy to do things or doesn't have the energy, or her workload is that packed she can't do things. So, she really appreciates when Illari picks up the slack and offers to do these things, and offers to help her. Will Hana always accept it? No, but when she does after Illari tells her to stop being so headstrong and accept her help, she always appreciates it. She refuses it because she doesn't want to be a burden or cause someone more exhaustion just for her, but she really loves it deep down when her partner does acts of service. Hana loves to be treated like a princess, and loves to be services in that way. It makes her feel special and important, like Illari's her knight in waiting.

[skaluli]

people are a lot more critical of eddsworld on tumblr so if u wanna just go off and post a whole college essay of ur criticisms then dont worry about getting eaten alive for it or anything lol

lmao sure king, i know youre probably thinking of the "criticisms of eddsworld" post that i had in my drafts but i need to finish that. instead so nobody is hungry, ill post the script of me "the end of the eddsworld discord server" here and honestly i have always felt safer here. i left twitter because of certain people and certain feelings. mental health is shit and my paranoia is shitter.

The End of the Eddsworld Discord Server

(A script by skaluli for a video that never came out and probably wont.) click" Keep reading" to begin. its kinda long? and has some pictures. (Also afterwards are extra screenshots from the discord that didnt fit into the video itself.)

Well- Cuts to - yes im using the dementia music, this video was supposed to come out before or even close after the closure of the server. Stuff happened and I’m tired. Please excuse what I say that may not matter anymore. I just want to get a video out and it starts by pushing this. ZZZZZZZZ. Happy Halloween or Christmas honestly it could be either.

I suppose it was going to happen at some point, it’s finally the end of the eddsworld discord server. Well expect for the patrons, they still get to do whatever lol. If you’re not in the loop, eddsworld had a discord server, to sum it up it was a place to converse with fellow edd-heads and well isn’t amino. But of course, it doesn’t come out with its own flaws. I mean there was a whole twitter account to showing the weird side of it. It’s over, the eddsworld discord is dead. Whatever the fuck all this is, is gone. Originally this was going to be made a few days before the closure of the discord but I got busy. Busy to the point where the discord server closed like a month ago [THAT’S SO FUNNY SKALULI ITS BEEN EVEN MORE MONTHS] and I’ve only started this script now. It’s called poor time management, don’t be me. [AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA] So, let’s just attempt to bullet point this stuff. Also warning now, I might not have screenshots of everything and I can’t get anything else because well paywall, and even if I did pay, I don’t even know if the original chat still exists. AAAAAA, anyway. I guess I shall start with the “paywall”. So as you know or maybe didn’t or didn’t hear what I said before, the eddsworld server technically didn’t close, just to access the chats and stuff you have to be a patron. But listen kings we get the bloody announcements and twitter feed, yeAHHH. Ahem. Some questions being asked were along the lines of, well why didn’t you just make a separate patron server. Therefore, people not paying still get a somewhere to talk to other eddsworld fans under moderation. Of course, many questions like that and more being asked because well this kinda came out of nowhere. One of the issues is the fact that nobody was answering any of the questions being asked. Avoiding it essentially. Saying things out of the blue, I assume to try and calm the scenario that was created.

Which well got people angry, because well they have a reason to, and you can not deny that. But the thing is the anger got so out of hand that people just started death threating mods. A big note I have to make is that the mods, the crew of which is not Chris or Matthew, and or any of the pateron supporters had a choice in this. They most likely didn’t even know it was coming. You shouldn’t death threat mods and not even just mods just other patreon supporters. [I don’t have screenshots of this but im going by word of someone who said that that was happening to them.] You don’t need me telling you this, it’s basic knowledge. But you do know why they’re doing it though. Because what do you expect by suddenly taking a once-free community and putting a pay-wall over it. Of course people are going to be upset and lash out, even to these extremes. Yes the mods don’t deserve to get treated like this, but they’re getting treated that way by the fans in this case because of what you did. You being Chris and or Matthew. And you yourself not answering on behalf of mods. Leaving themselves having to speak for themselves on a situation that they had no control over. Having to dose the fires of a fire they didn’t even start. An issue being said that the server was getting to out of hand, so it’d just be easier to do what they did [kill the server]. But then why don’t you just hire more mods to manage the community you created? Who knows.

Also not to put my own opinion in here but I kept seeing messages being like “Edd wouldn’t have wanted this” what the fuck. No offense but don’t say that, never say that. Stop. Just pretty please don’t try to speak on behalf on a man that’s been dead for over a decade and act like you would know what he would have wanted. Sorry for the tangent just I see this happening when whatever happens and kids commenting “Edd wouldn’t have wanted this.” Please shush.

Listen I hate kids, I know they can be dumb as shit, I mean after just hearing all that especially. But also, at the end of the day I care about them and if they like and feel safe in the hell of the eddsworld server than you shouldn’t take it away from them. I understand that fan servers are being made but oh god my paranoia of something going wrong since it doesn’t have “trusted moderation” I’m not sure how to put it. It was really only the official safe space to communicate with other eddheads. I just worry that there will be some with ill intentions. I think you can allow me to think that at this point.

And to end it all off, you know how the server’s purpose was just to keep patron content to patrons.

Damn that sure did work.

-cut-

[Note I didn’t write this “now” I wrote this a few days after I mashed this script together.] Okay originally the script ends there on a somewhat snarky remark but while pacing I thought about how I want to make sure my point gets across. I make these videos to help and not harm, by saying that I mean there seems to be a lack of communication between the fans and the crew. And personally, myself I want to try and make a bridge between the two, my own attempts being to show each side and see everything through a different view. Not only I criticize the fans because I want them to improve, I criticize eddsworld because I want the same out of them. Neither is better than the other.

Bonus readout:

Also a request for someone:

Vine thud and then cat thumbs up

END OF SCRIPT

do note that sometimes i change things while recording and dont edit it into the script since well im supposed to be the only one who sees it and says it blah blah.

i have many other various screenshots i took before the discord closed, as i didnt know exactly what i'd need for the video.

here you can have them:

finally the dates of the files since i last touched them: word doc:

audio:

sony vegas:

if you need any clarification on what i mean or say just ask /gen most times i just word things in a way so i can understand it because my brain is fucked.

only thing that isnt here is the audio i recorded for the video and the beginning of the edit of the video. you dont need to hear my voice.

if you need anything else ill be around. i have other screenshots of various other things. 

even something that i dont think the person knows anyone got a screenshot of.

anyway im tired like always and forever, i need to work on it. maybe actually take my meds lmao. thank you eddsworld tumblr for allowing criticism of the show. have a good rest of your life.

[kennedy-brooke]

THANK YOU for the tag lovelie @acourtofquestions

omg okay wait i need to think about this -

1. my fav sjm book is absolutely queen of shadows, it has everything + my fav scene in any book and therefore i adore it with my whole heart 110%

2. after reading the entire universe (its my biggest flex and accomplishment) i definitely have to say TOG because lets be real, how can you beat that masterpiece

3. aelin is my fav character by far, but i feel like its too easy to say that so my close second is nesta and i take no criticism

4. this one is so hard for me - i feel like its either "they joined hands. so the world ended. and the next one began." from QoS or "Never again. Never again would she be weak. Never again would she be at someone’s mercy. Never again would she fail. Never again, never again, never again." from ACoSF both for very different but very significant reasons

5. i love rowaelin and elorcan, but i also have a very special place in my heart for ruhnlidia

6. i personally ship gwynriel, but im not sjm so i will be pleased with whatever outcome so long as both azriel and lucien are happy

7. i firmly believe that both lucien and fenrys deserve SO much more hype (ik lucien has his own group of stans - hello my people - but there is always room for more)

8. ERIS. PLEASE SARAH IM BEGGING YOU. also fenrys because i need more on him pretty please

9. okay HOT take - but i don't particularly like morrigan. there is SOMETHING this girl is hiding and the whole leading on azriel thing and feeling territorial over cassian really just didnt sit right for me

10. i fear i am an azriel girl at heart (i know im living on crumbs and fanfiction like the rest of us), cassian being a close second

11. i really love the dawn court based on the descriptions (and obv the night court but that feels like cheating). realistically id probably live in autumn but it sure as hell wont be under berons rule

12. okay i hate all of them, but the passion with which i hate maeve probably makes her both the worst and best. saying favorite feels so wrong bc i DESPISE her, but shes a really well written one.

13. okay well THRONE OF GLASS SPOILERS FOR ENDING OF KOA DO NOT READ THIS ANSWER IF YOU ARENT DONE but 100% the fact that aelin loses her powers. its like my one critique on throne of glass tbh

14. i love the theory that rhys's sister isnt dead and that tamlin actually saved her and thats why theres a starlight pool in the spring court (the theory is much more detailed but thats the jist) and that TOG SPOILER kaltain is the suriel

15. NESTA. NESTA MOTHERFUCKING ARCHERON MY LITERAL QUEEN I LOVE YOU FOREVER

16. is it cliche to say eris? im an eris apologist until given undisputed proof otherwise (and tbh ill probably still adore him) also CHAOL. BECAUSE WHAT DID HE ACTUALLY DO? NOTHING HE REACTED COMPLETELY NORMALLY AND I STILL LIKE HIM SO MUCH. did we not all read tower of dawn? he is lovely. OKAY? OKAY.

17. aelin galanthynius 4 life

18. throne of glass is aelin, a court of thorns and roses is nesta (both obvious by now), and crescent city is either lidia or ruhn

19. its sad that ive thought of this already butttt A Court of Song and Shadow

20. that is a cruel question that i genuinely cannot answer because there are SO many that i read on the daily

21. also a horribly cruel question to ask and i genuinely have no clue where to even begin recommending because again, there are far FAR too many. honestly hust scroll through my page bc i am an avid reblogger, and while i may have a million diff fandoms going on, there are a TON of acotar ones in there

i unfortunately dont write (publicly) for actoar so thats where my questions end

tagging with no pressure at all (sorry if youve already been tagged): @brekkershadowsinger @prythianpages @parkerslatte @assassinsblade @acourtofwhatthefuck @daydreaming-nerd @daycourtofficial

SJM ask game

1) What’s your favourite SJM book?

2) Which is your favourite series (tog, acotar or cc)

3) Who is your favourite character? (And why?)

4) Do you have a favourite quote from one of the books?

5) Favourite ship?

6) Elriel or Gwynriel? Or neither?

7) Who’s the most underrated SJM character?

8) Which character do you wish to learn more about?

9) Are there any characters you don’t like?

10) Favourite bat boy?

11) Favourite court?/ Which one would you most like to live in?

12) Favourite SJM villain?

13) If you could change one thing in any of the books what would it be?

14) Favourite SJM theory?

15) Favourite Archeron sister?

16) A character you feel is over-hated/ underrated

17) Aelin, Bryce, or Feyre?

18) What’s your favourite character from each series?

19) If you wrote an acotar book what would you call it?

20) Who is your favourite acotar blogger?

21)What fics would you recommend to people who love the series?

Questions for writers

22) Easiest character to write for?

23) Hardest character to write for?

24) What’s a character you’d like to write for but haven’t yet?

25) What’s a court you’d like to write about more?

26) What’s a character you won’t write for and why?

27) If you could only write for one character ever again, who would you pick?

28) Whats your favourite trope to write about when it comes to Azriel?

29) What do you think is the best/favourite acotar fic you’ve written?

30) Who are your favourite friendships to write about?

31) For first time readers to your blog, which three fics would you recommend they read?

[loveinglymii2]

a ramble about queen of tears

if you come across this there is no proper grammar or punctuation. sorry about that, not really though.

I just genuinely dont understand why haein is so upset that hyunwoo would want a divorce like the way that they were barely even communicating, they werent happy, and her family treated him terribly and speaking of her family they wouldnt have lost their fortune if they had actually valued hyunwoo like if they had treated him like a family member and not some random man that haein married they wouldve been at least a little more cautious of eunseong bc hyunwoo had been warning them and telling them to make sure they do things correctly and they just keep ignoring him and being suspicious of the wrong person hyunwoo has been apart of that family for three years and at the first sign of something wrong they immediately turn their backs on him without even a second thought hes been working so hard at that company and they still didnt take him seriously and the grandpa pisses me off even more bc you believed some two bit bitty over your daughter AND son-in-law and she's been telling you something isnt right with that woman like he lowkey deserved to be scammed like this hell all of them with the exception of beomja deserved to be scammed like this the way they treated him was terrible especially that icky ass mother-in-law she definitely getting what she deserves bc not only is she terrible to hyunwoo shes also terrible to her own daughter like to blame your child for the death of your other child is down right diabolical shes a nasty woman she deserves this downfall and i dont even feel bad for soocheol losing his family hes an idiot that lacks critical thinking and he shouldve stopped his mom from treating his sister badly like he saw the way that woman was treating his sister and he was like at least its not me hello that is your sister and she didnt do anything but survive she cant take back what happened to their older brother and she wasnt in control of that situation either like she was just as likely to drown as her brother was only he managed to save her and die in her place

and going back to haein being upset with hyunwoo wanting to divorce her i just think it's also interesting bc while yes she loved him she did things behind his back so while we the audience knows that she broke down crying after the miscarriage of the baby and we know that she defended him when her family treated him bad (its been three years so we dont know if she was doing that the whole time or just recently started doing that) hyunwoo didnt know that so hyunwoo thought he was all alone to fend for himself to heal himself from the lost of their child and thats what gets me like yea you can say well he shouldve comforted her but how was he supposed to know she was breaking down crying when all hes seeing is her on a business phone call acting like she didnt just go through something traumatizing and how was he supposed to know that she was defending him when she'd let her family talk to him that way to his face and she would just stare ahead like they werent berating him he isnt a mind reader he cant and wont know her intentions if she doesnt display what shes intending to do and no im not blaming haein i get it people shut down and hyunwoo shouldve been more effective in communicating his feelings to her he shouldve sat her down and told her how certain things were making him feel but how can he do that if she also yells at him he was stepping on eggshells to not only appease her but also to appease his family-in-law idk it makes perfect sense to me why he'd want to divorce her

but with that said ik they love each other and honestly if by the end of this series and haein is still alive i really do hope that the two go into marriage counseling bc they cant communicate to save a life their whole marriage wouldve been fine if they had just sat down and talked to each other heck they mightve even been parents already if they had did that but instead they let it build between them and fester until resentment came and it's just crazy to me and again im not blaming haein im just looking at this from hyunwoo's perspective bc if it were me i'd feel the exact way nobody is a mind reader dont expect people to just know how you feel about them or a situation yes people have their different ways of showing love and affection and what not but every once in a while you have to show them how you feel and how certain things are affecting you and yea this goes for hyunwoo (even though again i think he was scared of her reaction to him telling her how he felt about things so..idk) but anyways so excited for this weeks episodes and im so happy that they both still want to be together so once they start actually communicating with each other (hopefully sometime soon) they'll think about getting back together they may even have a baby and i think that haeins family are going to start appreciating everything hyunwoo does for the family after this and actually treats him like a family member and not treat him like a random man off the streets of seoul lol and theyll care about the hyunwoo's family as well

[toxictigertonic]

I'm bored so here are some ideas I have about my DJSS and NJ gijinkas, and just them in general

DJ SubSup:

- I'm not sure whether I want to believe the orb is a helmet or a head, but it still exists with human DJ! I either like the idea that he takes off the helmet and it's kinda like smoke that forms into a head, or the glass heats up until is basically explodes into light and glass shards which then reform into a head. He doesn't like people watching him do it so he usually excuses himself if he wants to switch over

-He can change his appearance when he forms the human head, he usually switches around hairstyles and facial hair (because who has time to wait for your hair to grow out?). I have a doodle of him with very long dreads in a half up half down style

- Like a lot of people I believe the orb changes colors to show different emotions, but that color change takes place in his hair when he's got the human head. Most of the colors are pretty easy to guess, pink is embarrassed, red is angry, yellow is happy, simple. The odd ones are black for ill/out of it and white for startled. They don't shift a lot unless the emotions are really strong.

- Freckles. Very sparkly freckles that get brighter/sparkle more intensely when they're excited or embarrassed. The stars in his hair also sparkle more with these emotions, and you bet your ass J points this out to him and makes him even more flustered

- A weird one, but something I thought would be an interesting touch is that their tears float around their head instead of running down their face. They don't cry too often but it cheers them up when a certain dad of 5 k-pop sons tries to catch the floating tears with a tissue

- He's an alien

- His alien species is taller than humans on average. He uses his size changing abilities to be around 6'8" to 6'10" most of the time, but he's naturally 6'1". Not short by any means but he's short for his species and it makes him not feel not so great. He only trusts J to see him at his actual height

- Temp changing abilities too because why not? He runs colder on average but can heat up pretty substantially for a nice warm hug

- Dad bod, no more rock solid abs for Nova he has a tummy

- I whole heartedly believe the massive ego is a front to cover up his insecurities, J helps him work through a lot of these insecurities

- They adopted the Sayu team + Sayu herself, they were just like "How'd these kids get here? Welp they're my children now" *teaches them about astronomy*

Neon J:

- He is also covered in freckles, but his do not sparkle :( (They are still good though, all freckles are good in my books)

- I say it was probably an explosion that forced J to become a cyborg with the amount of full body damage he'd have taken. Instead of being converted into a cyborg, he now has massive scarring on his back due to being farther away from the explosion

- No more thin waist J he was in the navy and the mans a jock. Twink J is OUT Hunk J is IN

- Nova brought J out of his shell when it came to performing in front of people, so he will absolutely dance in public if he's excited about something

- If it's android head J he gets to keep his synthesizer because I love it when funky war vet dad sings

- Also if we're talking android head J the lights all around his body get brighter when hes embarrassed or excited, especially the ones on his cheeks, simply because mans gotta blush somehow. If he didn't, how would Nova tease him about it?

- A lot of energy, he has to have it if he wants to keep up with his kids

- Speaking of 1010, he's absolutely their dad 100%, and a great dad at that. He hugs them all in one big group after every concert and tells them how proud his is of them. Those are his boys and while hes a little strict sometimes, he would do anything for them

- He was very anxious when he invited Nova to function as their second parent, simply because he didn't know how either group would react. Nova was happy to be their second dad, and while it took the boys a little to warm up to the idea they have embraced dadNova into their lives (because I'm a sucker for happy families)

Uhhhh not sure if this even makes much sense or is well put together or hell, is even in character for both of them but my head hurts too much to care, please enjoy my dumb little ideas while I play more Fallout NV

[gaymooshroom-archive]

I GOT SO MANY ok everything is under this read more please dont unfollow me for being a lorehead 🕺 also pls dont send me angry anons about these ESPECIALLY the cdreamers who are incapable of critical thought bc i know how u girls like to tussle 

🐺 - should wilbur get a redemption arc? ermm complicated question.. i think it’s clear he hasn’t shed his manipulative/selfish(?) side even if he’s definitely not vilbur anymore. i don’t think he should be like eternally tormented but i also think any characters who dont forgive him are probably justified in that. 

🙂 - should dream get a redemption arc? are u kidding me LOL no i think for the story to have any sort of satisfying ending he needs to either die or leave the server (cdream obvi not ccdream). NOT bc i dislike his character but i truly think that’s the only way he and cclingyduo can both have the ending they narratively deserve. i have my thoughts on the coolest most interesting ways for him to die but thats another question 

💏 - is tntduo /r? like.... okay. the personal canon that i work within to write fic has pogtopia-era /r ctntduo and current ctntduo being like homoerotic angsty exes who are also rivals and generally are just very complicated (these r the given circumstances of to the graveyard and likely any other canon setting ctntduo fic i write). i think in terms of actual established canon its ambiguous ❤️ i know wilbur “said” they arent but actions speak louder than words and ctntduo’s actions r lowkey gay 

hi julia 😐

👨‍❤️‍👨 - are beeduo a healthy relationship? i think cbeeduo grew out of a bit ccbeeduo wanted to do at the time and while im sure it made sense for the period when they were streaming dsmp together every day, it kind of falls apart in /srs canon. like ctubbo and cranboo hide so much from each other to the point where it seems like cranboo especially just doesn’t understand ctubbo as a person LMFAO. i think bc cbeeduo marriage exists purely bc ccbeeduo felt like doing it.. it it’s hard to parse this one out

already answered the first one !

🤩 - should karlnapity be endgame? umm im kind of ckarlnapity neutral so assuming ctntduo wont be endgame (which like... it wont be) i guess i dont care as long as my babygirl cquackity is happy ^___^ if i were writing the story i wouldnt make it endgame just bc i find it a bit boring and i think there’s more interesting things to do with those characters, but that’s just me, it wouldnt like upset me if they were endgame 

🧭 - was tubbo right to exile tommy? he wasnt RIGHT but he also was like. very obviously canonically manipulated into doing it so i dont think he’s to blame i guess. but like the logic behind ctommy’s exile was obviously bullshit because it was developed by cdream specifically to torture ctommy 💀

🧠 - is dream obsessed with tommy? yes and anyone who says otherwise is doing a disservice to cdream’s character and to ccprimeboys’s writing. cdream’s obsession with ctommy is like a primary motivation of his and that is saur interesting 

🥸 - did staged finale negatively impact punz/tommy's character arc? i have very complicated feelings on the staged disc finale... i think it’s uninteresting to have a story where the protagonists (ctommy and ctubbo) don’t get to have any wins and the disc finale was one of the first real wins they’d had in ages. however i think the real win wasn’t cdream in prison but the fact that virtually the entire server showed up in support of them, and none of that is negated by cpunz and cdream staging their interactions in particular. idk if that really answers the question but like i said i have a lot of thoughts abt the disc finale and most of them aren’t especially coherent lmfao

🦝 - do crimeboys have a toxic dynamic? yes ..i like ccrimeboys a lot but yes. there will always always always be a power dynamic bc ctommy loves being a right-hand-man and cwilbur understands and takes advantage of that -- not always in an explicitly negative way, but he definitely knows the extent of ctommy’s loyalty to him (and actively tests the loyalty of other characters in similar position to ctommy, like ctubbo and cranboo). the fact is ctommy will forgive cwilbur for almost all his faults because he’s his big brother, and cwilbur knows that. he can love and care deeply abt ctommy and still have an acute understanding of that power dynamic and make no attempts to undermine it.

🎉 - did tommy betray technoblade at the green festival? technically yes but i guess i’d say he betrayed him for all the right reasons.

ok ive done quite a few of these so let me fill in the ones i havent answered yet :))

⚔️ - are the syndicate doing the right thing? no LOL but i also dont think ur supposed to view the syndicate as being in the right, i think ppl deeply underestimate cctechno’s awareness of his character’s hypocrisy 

💚 - is dream morally gray? i think u could make that argument pre-exile but now he is just an evil little man. no moral grayness Just kind of fucked up 

🌟 - was technoblade justified in executing tubbo? absolutely not Like does anyone actually think this 😭😭 imo this was unequivocally a bad thing unless u were fsr rooting for the cschlatt administration???

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 112 & 113 (part 2)

I hate that this chapter is cut... mainly cuz it deals with the most “ horribly presented” theme in furuba anime.... grief.

-The shame of grieving: “ Rarely discussed theme in Literature”:

When a love one dies... ppl differ in how they deal with it. Some cry their hearts out, some become depressed & painfully lonely, others get angry or cynical, some might deny it, some move on quickly, others move on but years after the realization crushes them, others stay still... Above all, you feel ashamed of yourself if you didn’t move on or if you DID move on.. “ Sometimes ppl around you judge you for it... for your grief”

The later is the theme of these two chapters. Rarely discussed themes & it saddens me that it is cut. You see, Furuba anime doesn’t get grief  at all. To them, it’s a small part of the generic protagonist after she finishes her job of nurturing the real main protagonist. Mothers are strong, they help us cross the bridge between childhood & adulthood. Tohru, the show’s mom, did it so thoroughly & in slow visual & narrative details for yuki. Afterwards, the anime brushed whatever is left of her character, which the anime viewed as sheer suspenseful drama, & collected it thro 3rd person story-telling techniques in one ep “ se3, ep6″ & excessive monologue for 10 minutes in se3, ep9.

In this chapter, Kakeru, a side character, sheds light into this theme. Kakeru didn’t lose a parent by death, didn’t grieve, has no dependent familial bonds with either dead parents “ kyoko & komaki’s dad”. Yet, kakeru stood & judged tohru on how she “ should” grieve. Harshly tearing her down while she’s standing there lonely, trying to hide her shock at the loss of her only pillar in life, broken & traumatized, dealing with the pushed down traumatic feelings from her past where her mom abandoned her as a child..now her mom did it again, this time thro death.. & kakeru, rightfully not knowing all that, but wrongfully lecturing her on how to behave... kakeru isn’t a monster, but he only saw what he wanted: komaki & how the world should grieve with his lover, how he should be the hero protecting her. So self-centered, insensitive, horribly cruel & unbelievably conceited, but above all... what he did is so sadly common... it hurts.

-Judging Grieving People:

As I said many times.. grief is so personal, so unique to the person & as common as it is, so misunderstood. According to kakeru & many ppl I’ve sopken to lately, tohru should have acknowledged komaki. Komaki, the not-traumatized version of tohru, did the right “ tohru-like” thing. Not only felt sadness at the loss of her own dad, but found it in her heart to visit the other orphan, tohru, & give condolences & respect to the dead mother. Such kindness & purity. Very deserving of applaud: To not only see your pain but others’ as well. Tohru has always done the “ right, kind” thing to other ppl. When she can’t now, the author brought another “ tohru” to do the “ right, kind” thing.

Kakeru is so many ppl. During my brother’s funeral. I’ve heard so many gossip on how my mom should’ve stood tall & greeted the visitors.” Being silent , emotionless & non-responsive is not how you show visitors you value their kind words”, they said. How his widow should’ve collected herself & acted properly, respected his memory by taking proper care of herself & her kids. “Being a broken mess is not how you “ honor” loved one”, they said. Kakeru is indeed many ppl & that’s how you discuss a theme by creating characters who sin, screw up & be cruel, even if momentarily.

Kakeru is wrong. There is no “ you should have” in grief. There is no ounce of truth in his demeaning lecture to tohru & I respect komaki for her reaction to him so much. Kakeru did learn & grew from it, apologized to tohru even if he didn’t actually sought her to do so & even if she herself started the apology. But you see, these two chapters are 90% focused on kakeru as a character, his growth, thoughts, the mini focus on his relationship with komaki as an example of healthy relationship & all that is another lesson for yuki to observe & learn. He learned abt tohru’s past, kakeru’s personality & growth & got to observe another example of romantic relationship so yuki can grow as a man & approach machi healthily. But then again... nothing at all stops yuki/machi from being healthy, no past issues, no contradicting personalities “ they’re quite similar” & yuki is the only furuba character that doesn’t screw up big. He learns & teaches. He’s the personification of the author.

-Tohru.. stays a “ tohru”:

Tohru’s part is 10% of the this chapter which is fine as I think/hope it will lead into more tohru depth in the following chapters. But It is for this reason I’m glad this chapter was cut in the 13 eps season of furuba anime, cuz tohru doesnt have much depth in the anime due to the quick wrap up & the la~~~~st  thing I want is another 3rd person story-telling flashback abt tohru in the anime. Honestly, one of the most frustrating aspect to me of the anime & I’ll hold judgement abt manga- tohru till I reach its end. So far~~~ Tohru’s depth & character exploration gets better one chapter, then regress the next one, then moves on, the... it’s a fluctuating process. It has nothing to do with tohtu’s feelings.

you’ see ... kyo himself as a character with issues fluctuates a lot, he does sth good, then does sth bad, chooses right words, then makes a horrible mistake & chooses wrong! which is one of the most well-done aspects of character exploration that is rarely attempted by authors! I highly respect Takaya-san for what she’s doing with kyo in the manga so far. Other authors show us a character doing one big mistake & then he/she learns from it in a dramatic way. But Takaya-san, nope! she decided to approach it in a very human way, making us be frustrated with kyo’s repeated mistakes yet understands where he’s coming from! kudos to her!!

But I’m not yet satisfied with how tohru is portrayed in the manga & this has nothing to do with tohru’s character. Takaya-san is discussing rare themes thro tohru’s character. But what I mean is how tohru is approached thro the viewers/readers eyes. I wont judge until the last chapter. but this is the part that is frustrating to me.

Side Notes:

The flow of the 2 chapters is little off. We go back & forth between the past & the present, between yuki-machi & komaki-kakeru. Again, I’m so glad the anime cut it cuz, nope! they can’t handle such narrative. they’ll reorder it in a such heavily monologing way & insert the comedy abruptly to lighten the mood. Just look at how the comedy is inserted in momiji’s se03 ep!

Komaki is such a tohru with a sprinkle of kagura’s very softened outbursts. lol. she’s fun!

I’m liking yuki-machi interactions a lot. no drama, which is why the anime cut it -_-’, but it progresses healthily. Machi is yuki’s third-stage growth after (1) leaving tohru’s nest (baby yuki), (b) making friends with kakeru/someone who gets him (young boy yuki), (3) finding romantic love (being a man). The anime was so interested in the 2 stages above cuz that’s where the drama is & cut the third. Honestly, the anime didn’t have to include everything as there is never a space in 13 eps, but they certainly could’ve squeezed few panels or even made brand new very short yuki-machi scenes. but the anime weirdly decided after yuki “ saved” machi from her trauma by talking with her in her apartment, he should just marry her.... lol.. that’s why next scene is ep 5 momiji’s ep intro montage where yuki was abt to confess!!! making yuki-machi the least developed couple in the anime!

I love all furuba’s characters, but yuki, tohru, kyo & akito carry the big themes, therefore, I not only analyze their characters, but how the themes are presented thro them & how their presentation affects such themes. This might make it sound as I hate them or am harsh on them. not at all. It is the anime director/ manga author that I’m positively or negatively criticizing most times. Most importantly, my criticism is not the law. It’s just my perspective & my consumption of the material. Feel free to differ with me. I dont mind it. It brings interesting discussions!

When it comes to tohru’s issues... his chapter introduced nothing new. We have seen/read in canon repeatedly that tohru hides her pain behind a smile (heck! even kisa knows that & told us), that she cant stand up for herself much, that she smiles for other ppl not for herself. All this was presented thro so many characters already, which is why I understand the anime’s decision to cut it. What’s new? that yuki didn know tohru’s smile is mostly a mask & that kakleru has depth.

I love this chapter for the grieving themes it discussed that are rarely touched upon in literature, but since such themes are rarely presented, the anime’s decision to cut it, ironically proves my point! lol . They don’t get grief & so, they reduced it to se03 content & two eps worth. sad.. but expected. The anime is indeed another form of “past” kakeru: seeing one side of grieving person. The happy side.

[mazojo]

Winter 2021 Anime Opinions

As always its that time of the year I pretend to be an anime connoisseur and leave my review on this seasons anime so take it with a grain of salt asdfgh from the one I enjoyed the least to the most.

Wave!!: Surfing Yappe!! (TV)

You are seeing currently the only probably best thing about Wave asdfghj Tanaka bby I am SO sorry you got stuck here,,,,, Its bad because I had so many expectations for Wave but it just...... isn’t very good? The characters feel 2 dimensional, animation is veeeery average and the plot is all over the place? Dont even get me started on the Shou situation plot device that they just brushed over and went on with and,,,,,big sigh

Urasekai Picnic

To be honest is not very fair to compare this one to the rest as ive only watched the first 2 eps but ill catch up eventually asdfghj its not bad just that the plot didnt capture me as much as I hoped but the two main characters cutiess the plot just confuses me asdfgh but I don't have much to say about it

Yakusoku no Neverland 2nd Season

So uh anyways Chile I don't wanna talk about it the only reason this is not dead last is because RayEmma cute moments but yeah don't watch this clown show go read the manga for self care ✨

Jaku-Chara Tomozaki-kun

The only reason this is here is because she. The main girl I cant remember the name of sucks and main dude is very normal asdfgh the plot is basically “Want people to like you? change everything about yourself and become a normie robot!!!” ASDFGHJ Like its so over the top and cringe at times it becomes very confusing but hey I am not caught up either so I may change opinions (x doubt tho)

2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu

From this point onwards I basically like everything. 2.43 Started suuuuper strong for me, definitely thought it would be one of my favs this season but as the eps went by I just.... kinda lost interest asdfgh? Like its not bad, but its a sort of mix between Stars Align and Haikyuu where I would have loved a more character based story with dark subplots like Stars Align but got the parts I always criticize about Haikyuu were there was a point I didn't really knew any of the characters? ASDFGH like the enemy team is super cool and Love their designs but if you ask me to tell you anything about them I already forgot rip. Its still cute and the animation is cool but yeah it kind of disappointed me in the end a bit ;w;

Shingeki no Kyojin: The Final Season

AOT Is so sexci because it keeps on hurting me and I come back every-time for it ASDFGHJ Not much to say that hasn't been said, characters are super interesting, plot is a bit confusing at times for me to follow but amazing and I just :))) could go on about certain characters :))))) but I wont :))))

Wonder Egg Priority

Wonder egg priority is very talked about right now so I wont get too much into it other than definitely give it a watch if you like the more philosophical and “makes you reflect on your life choices” sort of anime ASDFGHJ the visuals are stunning and the characters very well build, although I am very confused at times I am still enjoying it tons ^^ Trigger warning however for some heavy topics I recommend checking the warnings before watching it <3

Kemono Jihen

I LOVE THEM OKaY? asdfghjk Kemono Jihen gives me the found family topes and I eat them all right up, I love the characters , their designs, the plot, everything. To be fair tho, I did enjoy the manga more than the anime but maybe its a pacing thing? idk but I definitely recommend 100% taking on the manga and maybe after watch the anime but I am enjoying it tons!!

Kai Byoui Ramune

This one may come as a surprise lol?? Like I haven't seen a single soul talk about Ramune but like??? I am actually enjoying it a lot?? and look forward every week for the ep? asdfghj Like yes I will be the first to admit the animation isn't really the beeeeest out there but the plot is funny while also being serious, the characters are quirky and interesting to keep the flow going and I am liking the undertone heavy messages? the soundtrack also slaps imo and yeah I would definitely say to watch the first ep and if you like that sort of dynamic take it up on the rest!

I★Chu: Halfway Through the Idol

Okay I will be the first one to admit this is just me being trash for the idol shows but like?? its my list so I get to decide which found family I am screaming about next ASDFGHJ. As an avid A3 stan this gave me serious vibes of my boys (plus they were made form the same company so like not very surprised there loll) and like I think the characters are cute with adorable relationships and cute songs and its just a lighthearted show I sit down every Wednesday and smile through the 25 minutes so yes I Chu deserves a high spot and yes I recommend it even if it has like a 6.3 on myanimelist sksksks

Dr. Stone: Stone Wars

Look at Gen!!!! enough reasons to watch dr stone!!!! ASDFGH but in all seriousness I....... love them okAy? The plot is amazing and the characters are super entertaining (hiiii Ukyo Gen Senku and Chrome muak) and although it may seem a bit slower paced than first season the arc is gonna get better and better and the finale is gonna be great if they stick to the manga. Only sad that I dont get to see my pirate fuckboy but we better be getting a third season

Bungou Stray Dogs Wan!

when I say this is the happiness of all my Tuesdays I ain’t even exaggerating ASDFGHJ Does this have an important plot? no. Is it transcending to animation? not really. Is it BSD content I've been starving for? absolutely!!! Tbh I see my favorite anime characters in chibi version and I go feral, go watch BSD pogg!!

Horimiya

Me?? searching for that one gif of the side ship scene am obsessed over?? more likely than you think ASDFGH Horimiya holds a special place in my heart because it was the first manga I ever read and the nostalgia is stroNG,,,,,, The plot isn't anything really transcending but the way the characters are captured the feelings just,,,,,, stan!! Also Yuki x Tooru supremacy !

Skate-Leading☆Stars

Okaaaaay this is also me being a bitch for sports anime but like, again, are we surprised?? ASDFGHJ It may be my love for Hayato speaking but ive absolutely loves Skate Leading Stars, I love the group, the main characters, the ships, the routines and its so pretty and they are in love and like the competition and asdfgh its gOoD OKaY??? Watch it if anything for Hayato 👉🏻 👈🏻 My bastard bitch I love the gremlin.

Beastars 2nd Season

I think we are all sleeping on Beastars brushing it off as a furry show. I don’t speak enough about it and I am not one to go about poetic cinemaness on main but beastars is a very poetic cinema show and yall sleeping on it. Coming from someone who was uncomfortable at first with the whole animal relationships part at first, just know beastars is so much more than that, it has a complicated plot with critics about the society within the show with amazing characters, great soundtrack and animation plus banger plot. Pina, Jack, Juno and Legoshi best characters and every week I look forward for the next eps so I hope yall go give it some love.

SK8 The Infinity

If it wasnt clear from my spam every Saturday that I am absolutely in love with this show I dont know what to tell you ASDFGHJ. Sk8 has an amazing range of characters I find fascinating, specially Reki, very much so everything Reki asdfgh but yeah!! Its super entertaining with an interesting plot and its definetely becoming one of my favorite animes because the amount of times ive rewatched the episodes to cope is kind of embarrassing lmaooo, definetely give it a try although I understand its not for everyone but like,,,,, do it for Reki? 🤧👉🏻👈🏻

[ziaxkawaii]

“Thank you...” (Bakugou x Reader)

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Warnings: Cursing.

Summary: Bakugou is passed out so you carry him to his dorm.

Part 1  Part 2

-“God he’s heavy!!!” You grunted as you stopped for a second to get a better grip of the boy on your back.

-Currently you were walking back from the training grounds right before curfew, and you were practically dragging you feet across the pavement while you carried unconscious Bakugou as gently and lightly as possible. 

~You had his body on your back, carrying him in a piggyback style. One of his arms was thrown over your left shoulder and his head rested on your right one, while you held his thighs.

~Your muscles were sore from the earlier excessive training. Your arms and back were littered with burns and bruises, and your tired legs could hardly carry the weight of your body and also your friends slightly heavier body.

~He wasn’t doing any better though. He too had bruises and few tiny cuts from your attacks as well. And of course the obvious, he was out cold like a drunk person. 

~If you had to explain everything that happened just 15 minutes ago in a nutshell, simply you and Bakugou were sparing together in the school gym area and as you were throwing punches and kicks at each other, Bakugou had said something that especially got on your nerves and you accidentally kicked him in the back of the head a little too hard, and he was out like a light.

~Whatever you did, he wouldn’t wake up. You couldn’t just leave him there or wait for him to wake up since you had a curfew. So you opted to just carry him back to the dorms, and it was way harder than you thought.

~The 1-A heights alliance building came in to your view, and you sighed out of relief but also out of nervousness.

~What if Bakugou woke up before you could get him to his room and he gets angry at you for literally trying to help him!?

~This boy was full of pride and didn’t want anyone's help even if he needed it. So if he woke up to see you carrying him like some kid, you probably would have an extra bruise by the end of the night.

~You weren’t ready to be blasted all the way to hell just yet.

~Even so, as much as he seemed to act like a villain in some people eyes. You and some other people like Kirishima saw through his facade. 

~Bakugou just didn’t know how to connect with people since his pride was in the way and how growing up everybody basically worshiped and praised his stupidly powerful quirk and intelligence.

~It didn’t matter if a person is shy, happy, angry, evil or neutral, everyone needs someone to talk to and a person to call a friend. Or in Bakugou's case: an Extra.

~You were one of the people he ‘tolerated’. You and him would talk about topics that came in to mind, study silently or just bicker to each other about something irrelevant.

~It was nice in it’s own weird way. 

~People are kind of like a puzzles. Some puzzles aren’t as easy they seem and you have to learn to understand how to solve it before actually doing so. Or you could do both simultaneously, and enjoy the in betweens of the journey. 

~Bakugou was just a really hard one that tested your patience and your own temper.

~Even after all the headaches and insults that this boy threw at you, your friends and classmates. You still couldn’t deny your attraction towards him. 

~Hell, he was good looking, talented and passionate about what he does, plus he was such a softy on the inside if people took the time to actually observe. Goodness why did he have to be so perfect at everything! It was getting on your nerves!!!

~Still, you pushed your own thoughts aside and continued on with your life as normal. You were happy and your presence didn’t seem to irritate him, so you accepted the reality and were grateful of what you had.

~You walked up the small stairway up to one of the class 1-A dormitory doors and with each step you were almost shitting your pants when Bakugou let out pained groans as if he was gonna be awake soon.

~Sure you were friends. But it didn’t mean you weren’t at least a little bit nervous around him.

~You reached the front door and attempted to open the door while trying not to drop the male on your back. You pulled down the handle, only to realize it’s locked.

~”Fuck…” You cursed silently.

~You did have your keys, you always do. But they were in your back pocket, and your were in no position to get them unless you wanted to wake up your friend and face his wrath.

~You tried awkwardly knocking on the door with your foot and knee, but it didn’t work too well. You took the risk and knocked on the door like a human being and quickly retreated it back to hold Bakugou's other leg.

~After a few moments, you heard movement from the inside and the door opened soon after. You were met with a blond haired teen whose quirk reflected in his hair as a form of a black lightning bolt. 

~Kaminari looked at you two for a second before stepping aside and opening the door wider, allowing you to get in. 

~”Just what were you two do-?” He began but you caught him off as you stepped inside.

~”It’s definitely not what you may think, so don’t even say it.”

~”Then what-” The poor boy was caught off again, but by Kirishima.

~”Whoa… what happened to Bakubro? He Is totally out of it!” Kirishima came out of nowhere and started gently poke Bakugou's cheek to see if what he said was actually real.

~”Don’t wake him up!” You whisper shouted. All the commotion had got some students attention in to common area and it was getting kinda embarrassing when you thought about it from their perspective. “I don’t want to be his next punching back, so can you please quiet down.”

~”Okay okay, but back to what I asked, what happened?” You sighed.

~”Long story short. We were sparing and I accidentally kicked him in the head hard.” You explained. “He should be fine.” At least you hoped he was fine.

~”Wow, well this is a first! Nobody's ever been able to get that kind of hit at Bakugou! I think you deserve a metal.” Mina elbowed you lightly in the arm as a testing manner. 

~Seriously. The bomb is bound to explode soon if your classmates don’t keep it down.

~”Guys, let’s just get him to his room, QUIETLY before he-” It was too late. Bakugou began stirring in his sleep and let out more pained grunts. Your friends all held their breath as they realized they might’ve messed up, while you were just standing there with sweat forming on your forehead.

~’Please don’t be mad…’ You prayed. And as if the spirit heard you, Bakugou in fact didn’t wake up but was half asleep, and mumbling gibberish in your shoulder.

~You mouthed “Let’s just go.” to Kirishima and he nodded. You began to move again but stopped abruptly as you felt an arm snake around your torso and a second one hug your neck. Everyone present watched the scene in awe as Bakugou clung to you like a child to a stuffed animal.

~”So… soft…” He mumbled in your neck.

~You blushed profusely while some people around you gave either shocked or smirking faces. The latter was more prominent.

~Oh, you were in deep now.

~You and Kirishima swiftly rode the elevator up to the correct floor and Kirishima opened Bakugou's door to let you carry him inside.

~”So… warm…” Bakugou kept on mumbling again but seemed like he still hasn’t woken up, or enough so to remember anything after today, at the very least.

~”Okay, it’s time to rest now Bakugou. Let go.” You said as you walked over to the said boys bed and sat on it. Kirishima helped you pry Bakugou’s limbs off of you and you were finally free. You went to get up but you were stopped midway when a hand grabbed your wrist.

~”Where… you going…?” Bakugou whispered with his eyes closed.

~Is this the same Bakugou you’ve gone to school with and hung out on your free time? Because in any other case where you would have found him like this from somewhere, you would’ve been convinced this Bakugou was a decoy. Or...

~”He kinda reminds me of a drunk person.” Kirishima boldly blurted out.

~’Or that…’ You would have laughed but right now it felt wrong to do so, so you just ended up nodding that you were thinking the same thing. 

~Before you two actually left the common room, Kirishima had grabbed a cold gel pack from the freezer to press on the injured boys head. He stepped closer and pressed the pack carefully on the spot you pointed out. The blond boy hissed a bit but didn’t wake up, let alone let go of your hand.

~”Do you think he’s going to be alright?” Kirishima asked next to you.

~”I don’t think this will cause anything critical. I didn’t kick him that hard but surely enough to form a bump.” You explained. “Plus, he’s been really tired lately for some reason, so he’ll probably sleep in tomorrow. I’ll take him to recovery girl tomorrow just in case. Hell, I’ll even drag him there if he wont cooperate.”

~”If you say so, and thanks for caring for him.”

~”He’s my friend too you know. Of course I would care for him.”

~”Yea, but I just said it so that you would at least get a ‘thank you’. You know how he is.” The crimson haired boy motioned to the ash blond.

~”I know.”

~”.....” Bakugou groaned and mumbled something coherent again and it got both of your attention. He pulled on your wrist for you to get closer and you complied, shifting a little closer so you could hear what he had to say.

~”Thank you… babe...” He said and let his head fall onto his pillow, at last getting some precious sleep. You became a blushing mess while Kirishima did his damn hardest to not laugh too loudly, so he resorted to snickering like some spray window cleaner bottle.

~”Wha -What did he just-!!” You whisper shouted, not knowing how to react.

~”I knew it…” Kirishima whispered to himself proudly. He may be a bit weaker in school but he was an expert when it came to knowing his friends and peers.

~You gently but swiftly untangled Bakugou's fingers from your wrist, stood up to pull his blanket over him so he wouldn’t get cold and left the room in a hurry with Kirishima trailing right behind you.

~The said boy was still snickering while you hid your red face in your hands. You already felt embarrassed from the comment alone but Kirishima being there made it two times worse. 

~’I’m so dead.’

~”Please, don’t tell the others Kiri.” You pleaded. The red head smiled.

~”My lips are sealed (y/n).

[toxicsamruby]

hello! i have to ask: what do you think about supernatural au's where monsters don't exist/monster hunting is not a thing? do you think the characters could even exist out of that realm? i honestly have conflicting views on this because on one hand i do enjoy the character dynamics but i also feel it would be wrong to just take away something that is fundamental to this show, idk though

i LOVE this question. thank you. im going to write a very long post now

obviously there are infinite ways to interpret a story, right? but sam and dean (and castiel too of course) as characters are completely inextricable from their backstories, and their backstories are inextricable from themes of transience, poverty, loneliness, violence, familial duty, masculinity, otherness, american protestantism, horror, humanity, and monstrosity. i dont think that it’s Wrong to take away the monster hunting as an element in the story, but i DO think it would be bad storytelling to do so bc the fact is that these characters w these personalities wouldnt EXIST without a few VERY crucial plot points/themes. and thats a GOOD thing!! say what u will abt the writers (and i do. i do) but the early seasons do an EXCELLENT job of building characters who are inseparable from their stories, characters whose every action is reflective of the Story itself in a bigger sense, characters who are interesting because of the way that they’re used to tell that bigger Story. there’s a sense of cohesiveness between character and theme and narrative, and removing one of these aspects would lessen the other two. that is the mark of good storytelling (that, in my opinion, distinguishes seasons 1 and MAYBE 2 from all the rest; although funnily enough i think castiel’s arc in s4 is the best example of what im talking about outside of s1-2. but anyways).

without these crucial themes and narratives, who ARE sam and dean? why do they even matter? what’s the value of them as characters? aus that strip away all those VERY important themes and plot points strip away the actual artistic value of the characters, and reduces them to objects of the audience’s emotional whims. the only reason u have any affection for these characters in aus is because you know and understand the source material, and you remember why those characters STARTED to matter to u in the first place. this is something that happens in a lot of fanfiction i think: the most essential themes of the original work are ignored for the sake of emotionally expedient scenarios where both writer and reader can clock out of having to do a bigger analysis of the story and just focus on, for example, a certain ship getting together and/or having sex, or a certain character getting a happy ending. and like i wont deny that theyre fun to read! they are essentially transplanting already-developed characters from their already-developed stories into a new fun scenario without the themes and narratives that actually made the characters compelling. and sure, sometimes a truly good author offers us a compelling new set of themes and narratives, ones that are interesting and make us think, but i’d argue that the characters in those rare good fics are 1. not...really the same characters from the show, since the story they’re in has been so completely transformed 2. basically shortcuts for the author to cut their teeth on writing original fiction. in any case, a vast majority of fics that remove the themes and narratives of the original story DONT offer a truly satisfying replacement, so the point is almost moot.

my answer, in short, is that aus without monster hunting destroy the character-theme-narrative cohesion that all good stories require, and by extension doesn’t require either author or reader to think critically about the story as a whole. you know that joke that goes around about supernatural just being a crate full of toys that we’re all sitting around and playing barbie dolls with? that is what the fics ur talking about basically are. it isn’t seriously engaging with a story as a piece of art, it’s grabbing a few barbies from a box and putting them in different clothes. and i think the fact that supernatural does fall apart both thematically and narratively so early in its incredibly long runtime is what allows people to treat it as a box of dolls, because most of the time it seems like the writers themselves treat the show as a box of dolls instead of a story that deserves respect and care and thought. so i actually do understand the urge to play with the barbies, so to speak, and to a certain extent i dont even think it’s a bad thing. but i DO think that sometimes, especially online, ESPECIALLY with a show like this where the lines between genuine engagement with the text and playing barbie dolls gets so blurred, people actually start to lose track of which is which, and THATS what irritates me. people start to view the ENTIRE STORY as just a way to see their personal favorite character do what they want that character to do. the character (and their emotional attachment to said character) becomes the whole reason for the story, instead of the story being the reason for the characters. playing barbie dolls is fine! but it DOES need to be balanced out with actual engagement, with literary analysis, with criticism if the story needs it (and my GOD does supernatural need criticism!), and there needs to be an understanding of the difference between genuine analysis and personal loyalty to a character. 

like, not to be a snob or anything, but it is important to engage truthfully and fairly with a text. things arent good just because you want them to be good, and stories can only offer you genuine satisfaction and critical/artistic growth if you truly engage with them. engaging with supernatural means thinking/writing about monsters and the Other, and to remove monstrosity as a theme and narrative hollows out the story completely.

[sagewolfsbos]

My fiance doesn't like me doing witchcraft... I dont know what to do now. My altar is still up but he made me take some stuff off of it. It made me feel like I really was doing something wrong. How would you handle this. (Also one of my spells may have made someone ill which wasn't my intent).

Hello. First, I want to say I'm sorry your fiance isn't very accepting of your path. I can't imagine how hard that would be.

That being said, my next bit of advice may not be pleasant and it wont be easy to hear. I, personally, would never be with someone who doesn't accept me and my path. You deserve someone who respects you, and this isnt respect. I'm even a bit concerned by the fact that he "made" you take some stuff off your altar. This comes across as very controlling to me. No one in your life should be making you change your sacred space. That space is for you and unless you have a shared altar, he has no say in that. If he wouldn't walk into a church and tell them to change their altar, he shouldn't be doing it to you either.

It sounds to me like your fiance holds a lot of fear and ignorance about your beliefs and practices. Sadly, this is still so common with so many people. Pagans, witches, and people of many different faiths and spiritual paths have been criticized for their beliefs and practices because society has taught them that we are evil and dangerous. If you have tried educating him about your path, and he still wont budge, I would genuinely stop to think about where you want your relationship to go from here. Can you really marry someone who doesnt accept you? Are you ok with giving up your personal path for him? How far are you willing to go to please him? Where do you draw the line in changing yourself for him? A relationship needs to be built on trust and respect. I can't tell you what to do, as I dont know your entire situation. What I can tell you is that, if it were me, I hold my path very close to my heart. It's very personal and very important to me, and I could never give it up just to make someone else happy. At that point, I would be sacrificing my own happiness and forcing myself down a path I know isn't right for me. No relationship is worth that to me.

I want you to know that you are doing nothing wrong by choosing witchcraft. Remember that we are blessed (by whatever deity/energy you believe is out there) with the ability to make real change in our lives. I dont see that as evil or dangerous. Magick is neutral. It is up to us to decide how to use it. Think of it this way: a knife is neither good nor bad, but I can choose to use one to prepare a meal for my family, or to harm someone. The choice is mine. The same can be said about magick. Magick is a tool. We decide how to use that tool.

To touch on your final part, spells that dont go as planned are always frustrating, and they become more worrisome if someone is hurt in the process. If you feel that you are responsible for an illness you didnt intend, I encourage you to look back see what may have caused it. Learn from this mistake and do your best not to do it again. Keep in mind that this could also just be a coincidence. It's easy to see a cause and effect when it isnt there. If you truly believe a spell has backfired that hurt someone, I would suggest doing a reversal spell, a spell to break your previous spell, and/or saying a prayer to your chosen deity, asking them for help and guidance, and to heal the person that was effected. You could even do a healing spell for them and see if it helps.

If you have any further questions, you are welcome to message me and we can speak further. I wish you the best of luck in your path, your relationship, and your life.

Blessed Be

-SageWolf

[yinses]

sweetie,can I request mori nsfw scenario with kinks 👉🏻👈🏻 pls include daddy kink 🥺🥺

ofc i can. never knew i needed daddy!mori in my life yet here we are. i probably wrote this 5 times ?? before i was happy with it?

“mori~”

expectedly, your simpering whine went ignored much like the few prior you had tried to gain attention with. slouched lazily in the study chair which had been dragged away from the bookshelf, you had adamantly made your boredom known. and understanding your phlight, but unwilling to offer a reprieve, the doctor-turned-mafia boss had managed to ignore you for the better part of the last hour. but you could tell your insistence was waning his patience. 

“daddyyy~”

unable to neglect the obvious bribe the man reluctantly shifted his gaze to the expecting cheshire smile. 

“yes, princess?”

stretching your leg over the arm of the chair, your head fell back against its opposite in a dramatic display of vexation. 

“i’m bored.”

there was a quiet pause, before he responded with a sigh. 

“i’m aware but i told you i wouldn’t be able to entertain you much this afternoon. yet you insisted on coming.”

it was because you had expected him to cave by now. but your tolerance had only degraded further the longer you waited for him to crack and offer to take you into the city. the two of you shared a mutual joy of purchasing things- well, mori bought them for you and you showed them all with all the gratitude you could muster. 

the time spent shopping was therapeutic. it offered him the opportunity to escape the stressor of his occupation and in turn he was able to indulge the frivolous lifestyle you’d become accustomed to. 

“ honestly, this can be such a tiring position. i almost regret taking it.”

“didn’t you kill for it? that seems like it would be something to regret more.”

sharp eyes return to your mouth where you finished off another pastry-possibly out of boredom likely out of spite. lunch had rolled around within the hour and you hadn’t missed the opportunity to have a tray of treats brought in. he’d been to busy with work to take notice, but now he realized you hadn’t cared anyway, already eating your way through what should have been his share. 

you had been in his office all day, in some sort of fashion, a privilege he granted earnestly as long as you maintained your place. he agreed that you belonged at his side, but that didn’t mean you were his right. which often meant keeping your nose out of sensitive business and your opinions to yourself in the admist of varying members of the mafia. 

he knew you listened though. whether you were interacting with elise or entertaining yourself curled up by the bookshelf, you always had an ear towards the main act in the room. as a leader of a nefarious organization with critical information, he should be concerned but you both knew of the consequences should you be too free willing with such confidential matters. 

at this stage in your union, you weren’t sure if he would kill you over the matter. but you knew he wouldn’t be above stripping your rights and estrange your connections to the outside world. 

even now, as his gaze continued to peel back your layers with each calculated consideration, you wondered if he had a private secluded room just waiting for you to slip up. at the flick of your tongue wetting your lips, his attention snapped instinctively to the distraction. it was when your lips curled into a knowing smile that his eyes lifted. 

“why don’t you come over here?” his command was detailed with additional instructions as he moved his chair far back enough to reveal his lap in invitation. you obeyed without question. his dark gaze following your form as you skipped around the furniture, the dress purchased sliding effortlessly across your thighs before it flared out as your bottom settled on his thigh. 

unaware, or likely simply ignoring the pinch of his brow, you snuck a kiss to the underside of his jaw. “you’re so tense. you should take a break and play with me a bit, it will be good for your health,” you coo. 

mori doesn’t miss how your thighs part with provocation. he takes the bait without thought, the smooth linen of his gloves gliding across you skin without friction. with his other hand, he tangles his fingers in your hair to tilt your face to him. the kiss he delivers is chaste. intentionally short so that you give chase. 

pouting, you manage to nimble at his lower lip before he’s out of reach. “daddy.”

you go to say more, but find yourself distracted by the finger that had snuck under your clothing, stroking your core. it curled and hinged at the cut of your panties, drawing them aside to allow the pad of his thumb to smear the pooling wetness. your mouth falls open, mouthing wordless against his neck as you resist the urge to rock into the ministrations. 

as if taking note and offering a reward, a single gloved finger slides into your aperture. the contrasting dry fabric in dichotomy with your sopping cunt provides a different adhesion than the innocent touch at your thigh. 

“an obstinate little thing like you surely doesn’t deserve this.” yet despite your tinge of fear, he doesn’t stop. instead a second joins the first, until you’re stuffed on his soiled gloves. breathing heavily against his neck, you offer an apologetic kiss to his cheek. 

“i only want to help, daddy.”

the hum he makes is noncommittal as his fingers continue to idly move in and out of you. its just enough to ignite your desire but not as you need to teeter the end. it takes all your self restraint not to huff.

the hold on your hair goes slack, but the prompt of your whimper comes from him removing his fingers. the loss of him is as infuriating as it is intoxicating but you still your tongue. mori’s eyes soak in the warmth flooding your cheeks and he laughs outright. 

“come on then, up.” he enunciates the command with a tap to your skin and you do so with pursed lips. you want nothing more than to take initiative and remove the fabric clinging uncomfortable to your cunt but ignore the discomfort .

“i’ve decided that i’ll fuck you over the desk.”

something chilling flashes in his gaze as you squirm eagerly at the proposition, wondering if you’ll feel the wood kiss your front or back. this was of course all for his sake, so either would be fine for you. 

“but you wont come from it.”

he’s laughing now, deep and rich as the octaves kindle your fire. there’s something sadistic in the tilt of his grin as he coos back,” you wanted to help me, right? is this not all about me?”

the grit of your teeth clenched together make it impossible for you to answer further than a nod. rather than scold you for withholding a verbal response. his body slides against you as he stands, hand already working at his buckle and freeing his cock. 

“on your back then. don’t keep daddy waiting.”

despite knowing the outcome, your thighs to tremble with trepidation as you ease yourself back against the desk. balanced at your elbows, you leave your legs to hang at the backs of your knee. before you can spread your legs to properly accommodate him, he’s taking the task from you, drawing one leg over his hip as he coats his cock against your dripping cunt then pushing in. 

he’s still soft around the edges as he drives through your slick passage, but that quickly changes as he adapts to a pace of his liking. his hold is purposeful, bracing your hips still when you try to shift to an angle that doesn’t bring him in contact with sensitive nub on every thrust. but mori knows you inside and out without relying on one patch of nerves to draw you out. 

he goes to the hilt with each drive, grounding against your clit. “i should stuff my gloves down your throat. they’re ruined anyway. but you’d like that too much wouldn’t you? i don’t want to make this too hard for you.”

the condescension in his words are thick, the viscosity sticking to you rather than rolling off. words are reduced to fragile gasps, broken apart by his thrusts. “no, daddy. i want you to hear me. it’s all for you.”

if he’s pleased with your answer he doesn’t vocalize it, but his actions speak for his libido as it skyrockets. his nails plant half-moon crescents into your skin as he fucks you senseless. mori wasn’t overly thick, but he made up for it with curve and length, each variable a promising invitation to tear an orgasm out of you. 

mori doesn’t speak, but his pace challenges you-dares you to slip up and disobey. every sharp jab and twist coaxes your sensitive nerves to betray you. quickly, you worked against his efforts, mewls and strangled speech spilling from your lips. mori was as easily swayed by your stubbornness as he was by your ability to submit willingly. begging was your ultimate trap in loosening his own control as he suddenly pulled out of you and dropped his grip in favor of his cock. 

his stokes were short as he angled his release onto you, a free hand drawing up your dress to give him more room to spill onto your stomach and breasts. he watched as you moved obediently without prompt, fingers sliding through his cum. collected on your fingertips, you drew them into your mouth, humming thankfully as you held his gaze. 

mori fell back into his chair heavily, basking in his after glow and the site of you cleaning yourself up. “i’ve trained such a dirty girl, haven’t i?’’ he coos.

you wait for him to zip himself up and straighten his appearance, but he doesn’t. the command for you to remove yourself from his workspace doesn't either. instead, you hear the scrapping of the chair as it slides against the floor, drawing mori under its hidden depths. 

“i think you make a fine center piece, darling. why doesn’t you lay there for a moment and catch your breath while i finish up. then we’ll see about some proper playtime.”

[juseki-taisen]

Questions about OC’s people make

I’m answering this by a separate post instead of your ask, since not everyone online is friendly, and I would never want to even have a smidge of risk fall onto anyone

Don’t worry, skip to TLDR for a summery 

That kind of idea has been around for a long time. People like making OC’s so they can interact with canon characters, it’s part of the fun! It’s also not unusual for people to try and make their character the star of a series (you see this a lot with characters that tend to be labeled mary/gary stu).

Now I am a BIG LOVER of OC’s and fan characters, and I’ve seen a lot of good/bad/ugly/awesome ones. (I’m also gonna age myself a lot here, so excuse me for that)

This gonna be a long ride, I apologize

Lemme age myself for a moment

Fandoms have had a lot of self insert/or ocs that change the main story line for a long, long, time. A really good example of this is the Naruto fandom (the toxic beast, would not recommend time traveling to join this fandom in the early days they can and will hurt you, but they are better now from what  understand). The biggest example of this is when the original series ended BEFORE the age up arc/shippuuden

A lot of people didn’t like that Sasuke (person A) left the village and never came back in the main series. So, a lot of people (a lot of people who had a crush on person A mainly) made their oc’s alter the timeline to where he stayed.

It doesn’t even have to be this extreme, it can be as easy as wanting to participate in an event that happened in canon and changing it so OC solves the problem and alters the timelines (say to keep a character they really enjoy from dying).

A lot of time this happens because an event happens in canon people don’t like when a character dies, storyline takes a turn no one cares for (LOOKING AT YOU BEASTARS!)). So their OC’s/Self Inserts adjust it to a storyline that the reader/creator enjoys.

Now the problem with this in most fandoms is that there is ONE main storyline.

Example again, Naruto (this fandom wont let me go HELP)

This series is very linear, and there’s not wiggle room implicating there could be more universes/aus.

An example of the opposite is BOTH Voltron (Netflix adaptation) and Dragon Ball

Both series have messing with alternate universes, and timelines. Dragon ball goes a bit extreme and implies in the Xenoverse games there can be infinite alternate realities whereas Voltron implied a butt ton (scientific measurement LOL) of alternate universes.

This is important because adding in big events NOT canon to the timeline is easier since there’s a lot of different universes this COULD have taken place, which leaves the main canon storyline alone and safe.

So if they added say...a sibling of person X or Y, there is the possibility in one of the MANY timelines/realities they could have existed.

This is a problem for MOST series because a lot of fandoms don’t have this, and so adding a character in can become a problem. So most of the times people have to imply it’s an AU character OR add them in anyway for the sake of a story/fanfic and just accept canon is dead and we have killed it (for good, better, or worse.).  

NOW - To the Juuni Taisen

This series ALSO has a series to paths/alternate timelines people could work in for fan characters. The problem lies in the fact that it implies that despite there being multiple paths, Nezumi destroys those realities by not choosing those routes as his primary.

It’s actually a great tie in to the fact he loves video games.

If going down path A doesn’t work, he reloads the save and tries path B and so on. But if he decides that path J is the one he wants to continue playing on, then he can not both play J and A, B, C, D ect. He can only canonically play path J, since that is the canon path he has chosen.

When people make oc’s usually they want to be a part of the series or have a character interact with certain characters. Sometimes it’s to change the story line, and sometimes it’s to alter (intentional or not) the main storyline. To be honest, in this case, unless the character doesn’t interfere with the Juni Taisen it leaves a LOT of limited wiggle room for ocs in the series. Why? Well they all DIE, so if you do want to interact with the characters with an oc, it has to be before and not after, unless you have Nezumi. Everyone dies but him, so if you wanna smooch Usagi’s cute face or have your OC take Tora to therapy, you gotta have all it take place before or in an AU, OR alter the canon storyline.

Now back to the different paths, why not choose them? Again, it’s because of Nezumi (this boy is both blessed and cursed). He loads path J, making Au’s possible and other paths canon, but they canonically never actually happened because he CHOSE one path before the others.  

So if you do want to say ‘my character was part of X path’ that’s great! But I think a lot of people may realize that those alternate paths got erased from existence when Nezumi chose a different path. Since he did that, there are specific ways around it, but it makes it hella hard.

Ways around it

1) Alter canon timeline via Nezumi, and have him bring them back

2) Have ocs before canon

3) Time travel (I use this for my own oc, which I would be happy to go in depth with should anyone ask)

4) Alter canon timeline

I’m really not surprised OC’s are made to interact with  the canon story in this fandom, or the fact they drastically change it. No one really enjoys seeing a favorite die and stay dead, especially when there was a chance they could have come back (not that they should, I love you Usagi but ya need therapy).

AND that’s just part of it

Another big part is wish fulfillment.

If OC was part of series then when X happened oc would have been there to help. That changes the storyline, but it makes the person who created the OC happy.

Example:

Ending of Beastars (I’d recommend the series for older audiences but the ending sucks nuggets) was REALLY unsatisfying for me. I had already been doing a fan comic based on it, but since I didn’t like the ending I’m going to actually redo my comic and change the ending (I will put an AU disclaimer because, obviously) but it will fulfill MY WISH for an ending that is satisfying to me

But again, Beastars doesn’t have multiple timelines, so I have to change canon for my series to make sense within it.

Another subset of this is people who want to be part of the series due to escapism. They want a happy ending for a series they enjoy, and they want to be part of it (this gets in to more self insert territory). Sometimes life is shitting on them hardcore and so to have a little power back by their fan stories, it makes real life just a smidge more bearable. 

LONG STORY SHORT

Any OC’s added to series is somewhat altering canon. Juuni Taisen is unique in that it has a lot of alternate timelines, but the problem is the timelines get cleared from existence the moment  Nezumi chooses a different path.

Personally, I think it can be fun to work around the constraints of the series, but if you’re going to go in depth with OC’s in this fandom, you do have to alter a lot of the series in a lot of ways. It’s valid to ask ‘Why not just choose a different path? Or do an AU?’ but a lot of people want to be part of the series themselves or have an OC to make the series ok.

I used to be a stickler about the believability of OC’s when I was younger (I was especially critical when I was taking college level English courses in high school) but I’m not like that anymore. This is in part to, again, the Naruto fandom.

I’ve loved OC’s forever, but when I made one for that series people were awful. People would send me anons telling me to kill myself, how much my writing and art sucked, ect. At the time I was a really sensitive bean. I stopped writing, I stopped doing a lot of artwork, and I stopped creating. I took a lot of it super personally (thanks anxiety and depression). BUT then something terrible happened.

I don’t know if anyone here would remember when the series ended completely, but when it did the fandom went nuts. I don’t mean just whining Destial level, I mean NUTS. They threatened to kill the creator if he didn’t change the ending, they sent threats to his family, they got violent as HELL.

They went way to far. It was really kind of scary?  

But it made me realize something. There will always be someone who doesn’t like what you create, and there will be always someone who will criticize the way you write, draw, express yourself creatively.

Don’t let it stop you

TLDR; 

People make OC’s and alter storylines for a variety of reasons. That’s okay. No, you don’t have to enjoy all the content people make, and YES you can have your opinions about it. I don’t like every OC or fanfic I come across. Some OC’s are wonderful, and some I don’t like. It’s my opinion. It’s okay to have an opinion. You are allowed not to enjoy things. You are allowed to think critically. 

However, I do think people have a right to enjoy themselves. They’re making content for them, not for me, and that’s okay. I don’t have to read it, I don’t have to look at it, and I don’t have to spend time going through content I don’t enjoy. If they wanna make a character who supermans and saves the everyone in the Juni Taisen and flies off to mars, I may not like it but I will 100% support their creativity and right to do it.  

Take that cringe culture and throw it away. Do what makes you happy. It wont always makes sense in canon, or it may not be the most clever way to do something, but do it anyway. Life is hard, fandoms are meant to be fun. As long as you’re not hurting or attacking anyone, you can be be as cringe as you’d like.

You all can make OC’s however you want, anyway you want. We all deserve a little serotonin.

Either way, I am here to support you and all your creations. 

[benyhw]

Day 3 - Reflections on emotional maturity

"Wielding sensible arguments can at points be as effective as telling a person with vertigo that the balcony wont collapse or a person with depression that there are perfectly good grounds to be cheerful" A lot of our mind is not amenable to hard-headed logic, not when emotions are involved

Yet, truly facing and understanding our emotions and then still be able to act with some rationality and logic is a testament to emotional maturity. There is more to love, forgiveness, trust than what we think we know.

I am sorry for my hurtful words, said in times of emotional turmoil. I regret my texts and posts, impulsive and raging. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my actions, your thoughts and feelings and ultimately your decision. The turmoil I initially faced was truly a mixture of shock from how sudden things changed as well as the immense void your disappearance has caused. Given time, I have calmed down and could examine myself deeper on many levels.

I learned that I can be loved and that I can have wants and needs. I learned that my careless acts can hurt even when I don't recognise it at that point of time.

I know my mistakes and can see its damages. I triggered this whole chain of events, rocking what was a seemingly stable relationship. I see that we are flawed, but not un-deserving of love. Our innate reactions and nature is built upon by our past, regardless whether we consciously know it or not. Some traumas and hurt that forms our current insecurities are born from history we may not even remember. Though this doesn't discount our current wrongs, it does help to allow us to understand people better.

I do know, that I can and should listen to what I want and love, not only to that of other's demands or requests. I can be selfish in love and loving. I can earnestly seek forgiveness and then put in action to repent and atone for the wrongs I've made. Yet forgiveness and moving on from the hurt I've caused, is not mine to give or take. It is for me to earn and for you to heal from. I can only do what I believe is best, in terms of my love for you and love for myself. I do feel, we both have a lot to learn in terms of emotional maturity and have ways to go to truly understand what it means to love, to hurt, to trust and to forgive.

=====

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGV5o6UHjxM - Stay in or Leave a Relationship We expect to be deeply happy in love, and, therefore, spend a good deal of time wondering whether our relationships are essentially normal in their sexual and psychological frustrations or are beset by unusually pathological patterns which will impel us to get out as soon as we can. What films or novels we've been exposed to, the state of our friend's relationships, the degree of noise surrounding new sexually driven dating aps, not to mention how much sleep we've had, can all play humbling large roles in influencing us one way or another. How much of our unhappiness can be tightly attributed to this particular partner, and how much might it, as we would risk discovering five years later and multiple upheavals later, turn out to be simply and inherent feature of any attempt to live in close proximity to another human? Try to have another conversation with your partner in which you don't accuse them of mendacity, and instead simply explain, quite calmly, how you actually felt and how sad you are at quite a few things Consider the annoying traits in all previous partners we've had and people we've known, that our current partners happen to not have, what do we manage not to fight about?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLq1ktogxn4 - What infidelity means There are, of course, many cases where infidelity means exactly what Romanticism takes it to mean: contempt for one’s relationship. But in a great many other cases, it may mean something really rather different: a passing, surface desire for erotic excitement that coexists with an ongoing, sincere commitment to one’s life-partner. The best way to recover after an infidelity may therefore be to ignore what Romanticism tells us that infidelity has to mean, and to consult instead a more reliable source of information: what we ourselves took infidelity to mean the last time the idea crossed through our minds or our lives. It is on this basis that we may – with considerable pain of course – come one day to be able to forgive and even in a way understand and accept the apologies of a repentant partner. It is on the basis of subjective experience of unfaithful thoughts that we may redemptively enrich, complicate and soften what happens when we end up as their victims.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRaaqN2Atxw - Why We Go Cold On Our Partners Going cold is, in this story, simply the unavoidable consequence of familiarity. he loss of interest isn’t either natural or inevitable. The boredom is something at once more complicated and more active. It exists because we feel hurt by, angry with, or scared of our partner and because we haven’t found a cathartic way to tell ourselves or them about it. Tuning out isn’t inevitable, it’s a symptom of disavowed emotional distress. It’s a way of coping. We’re internally numbed – not just a touch bored. To learn to cope, we need a prominent mutual awareness and forgiveness of this dynamic of sensitivity and distress – and a commitment to decode it when disengagement and indifference descend. When we've gone cold, we may not truly have lost interest in our partners, we might just need an opportunity to imagine that we are quietly really rather hurt and furious with them and we should access to a safe forum in which our tender but critical feelings can be aired, purged and understood without risk of humiliation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgQvqi6aYD8 - The Secret of Successful Relationships: Rupture and Repair Repair refers to the work needed for two people to regain each other's trust and restore themselves in the others mind as someone who is essentially decent and sympathetic and can be a good enough interpreter of their needs Repair isn't just one capacity among others, it is arguably the central determinant of one's mastery of emotional maturity Good repair relies on at least 4 separate skills: The ability to apologise The ability to forgive - To do so requires us to extend imaginative sympathy for why good people can end up doing some pretty bad things, not because they are evil but because they are in their varied ways tired or sad, worried or weak. It lends us energy to look around for the most generous reasons why fundamentally decent people can at points behave less than optimally. We cling to rupture because it confirms a story which, though deeply sad at one level, also feels very safe: that big emotional commitments are invariably too risky, that others can't be trusted, that hope is an illusion The ability to teach - They give their listener time and know about defensiveness and as a fallback, accept that they may have to respect two different realities. They can be in the end bear to accept that they will always be a bit misunderstood even by someone who loves them very much The ability to learn - They have a lively and non-humiliating sense of how much they still have to take on board. It isn't a surprise or a cause for alarm that someone might level a criticism at them. Its merely a sign that a kindly soul is invested enough in their development to notice areas of immaturity, and in the safety of a relationship, to offer them something almost no one otherwise even bothers with: feedback.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci-zID4EAPU - How to deal with trust issues 1. Ask yourself how your reactions line up with reality - The thoughts we may have may not always be an honest perception of what is happening 2. Learn to be non defensive when you communicate - Chances are, people take the time to talk to you because they care about you and not because they want to hurt you 3. Let people know what you need and be direct about it - In order to build trust, you have to be open and honest. People often have trust issues because they are afraid of getting hurt. Trust issues are developed when too much focus is concentrated on the pain, but not enough on overcoming the pain. 4. Give people a chance to show you who they are - Give people time to show you their true colours, and you may be surprised that you can go through challenges well together 5. Practice open-ended conversations that allow disagreements 6. Confront your fears and don't allow them to hold control over you - Remember, you have the power to work through your struggles openly and honestly. You have it in you to connect and build trust with others

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-K5btaxEFY - How to forgive It can be so hard to forgive because – so often – we simply are in the right and the scale of the folly, thoughtlessness and meanness of others seems utterly beyond our own measure. But there are 2 inviolable ideas which should nevertheless, in the face of the grossest behaviour, be kept in mind to increase our changes of being able to forgive: 1. We must remember how the other person got there, to this place of idiocy and cruelty - Every irritating fault in another person has a long history behind it. They became like this because of flaws in their development, which they did not choose for themselves. To forgive is to understand the origins of evil and cruelty 2. There are difficult things about you too - Not in any area remotely connected to the sort of lapses that destroy your faith in humanity. But in some areas, quiet areas that you forget about as soon as you've travelled through them, you too are a deeply imperfect and questionable individual. Gently, you have - in your own way - betrayed. Nicely, you have been a coward. Modestly, you have forgotten your privileges'. Unthinkingly, you have added salt to the wounds of others. We must forgive because - not right now, not over this, but one day, over something - we need to be forgiven too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVeq-0dIqpk - How to build (and rebuild) trust There is 3 facets of trust: Authenticity in actions, Rigor in logic and communicating that logic, True empathy towards the other

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhyfBi-Ad4c - Loving and Being Loved We start knowing only about being loved. It comes to seem, very wrongly, like the norm. Parent and child may both love, but each party is on a very different end of the axis, unbeknownst to the child This is why adulthood, when we first say we long for love, what we predominantly mean is that we want to be loved as we are once loved by a parent In a secret part of our minds, we picture someone who will understand our needs, bring us what we want, to be immensely patient and sympathetic to us, act selflessly, and make it all better we need to move firmly out of the child and into the parental position of love To be adults in love, we have to learn, perhaps for the very first time, to do something truly remarkable, for a time at least, to put someone else ahead of us.

=====

I know, making this decision has not been easy on you. You struggled internally alone for 5 weeks before taking the brave step to pursue what you believed was right now. I can only imagine the turmoil you've been put through. I cannot and will not blame you for loving yourself more.

When I look at myself and what I've gone through in the past weeks, I do wonder how you are coping along as well. I do believe in what we had, which meant that these days were probably not as easy on you too as you make it seem. I never imagined that my actions were seen as infidelity to you and that while we know it was not ill-intentioned, the feelings you've felt and the hurt I've caused you are valid.

I hope the above few points and videos can eventually help you to heal and move on, to feel ok enough to love another again some day. I am always here to openly talk about us, about our feelings and about what we each want now or in the future for ourselves. In the past 2.5 years, have you done and said anything to anyone or just innately felt that you would feel afraid to tell me of? Has there ever been any breach of trust on your end or guilt, before my current mistake that made you feel betrayed? I am open, with no judgement or shame, to talk about these, if you are ever willing. I have done you wrong, and I truly have repented. I will never ever breach trust like that ever again, not even at the cost of feeling uncomfortable in sharing how I feel.

I too will love myself, doing my utmost best to pursue things I want and love because they make me happy. It is ok to be selfish in love, something I have learned from you that I am grateful for. Take care, I am only 1 text away

Love, Ben

[ikesenlemonadestandstories]

Level 32

Oh my gosh I didn’t think I was going to ever finish this! My week has been insane! Hope you guys are all doing well, enjoy the update :)

Tagging: @loudartanimeeclipse, @ihavenotfallenyet

Master List Here

Happy Reading Honey Bees! <3

Level 32

It had been a productive couple of weeks, excited over the recent developments you took off for home, hoping Edo would be online. Your research was going well, but you’d managed to have an intelligent conversation with the super cute doctor at work, and you had to tell someone. Sure, Edo was one hundred percent not going to enjoy the gossip, but you were sure he’d listen or at least pretend to.

With your game console turned on, you put in an order for a pizza and made your way to the couch to get comfortable. Not even five minutes had gone by before you got a rush of notifications on your phone, all thanking you for signing up for the partner’s battle tournament that was happening tomorrow. Confused and concerned, you stared at your phone, wondering if there had been a glitch, or worse, someone you were trying to avoid has signed up and listed you as their partner without saying anything.

Crap.

You couldn’t log on faster, the moment the game loaded you dove into your game’s notifications looking for clues on who could have possibly signed you up. Then your controller vibrated off of your lap.

EdoPorcupine5661 → Hope you’re free tomorrow. If not we’ll find a time to destroy my meddling friends… Well that may solve one mystery ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → There’s more than one? Yes actually. First question ← WildCyt0m3try What meddling friend do I need to thank with a smack? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → OneEyedDrag0n, turned around for five minutes… Sounds like a wonderfully chaotic friend you’ve got ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → That’s one way to put it. Next Question! What were you going to do if I wasn’t free???? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Forfeit? That would have been the only option….any other questions… What’s our plan? ← WildCyt0m3try

For the better part of three hours, you and Edo put together a strategy that would hopefully cover all your bases. Not that you could predict what every other player was going to do, but you had the advantage of understanding what the major contenders were going to do, which would hopefully give you both a leg up in the tournament. It wasn’t until you had logged off and were crawling into bed that you realized you’d been so concentrated on purchasing new equipment and salves, telling Edo about your week had utterly slipped your mind. Oh well, maybe you’d be able to slip it in tomorrow.

When your alarm went off the next morning, your first thoughts were those of confusion. You didn’t have to go into work, did you? Aggravated, you smacked at your phone until the noise stopped, and you rolled yourself right back over in bed. It wasn’t until your eyes were closed, and you were nearly asleep again that you remembered you had a tournament to attend. Thanking the gods you didn’t have to be anywhere physically, you shot out of bed and ran down the stairs to turn on your console. While you are waiting for the login screen to pop up, you scrounge around your kitchen, looking for anything that would suffice for a decent breakfast. Finally, settling on a comically tall glass of chocolate milk and a bowl of your favorite cereal, you settled onto the couch and readied for battle.

EdoPorcupine5661 → I was beginning to wonder if you’d show. IM NOT THAT LATE OMG! ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Oversleep? Coffee? Boyfriend? First off, good morning to you too sunshine ← WildCyt0m3try Secondly, I’m not late, so even if I did oversleep we’re good ← WildCyt0m3try Third of all. I DON’T HAVE A BOYFRIEND. ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → So you asked, and he got mad and ditched? Has anyone ever told you how pessimistic you are? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → All the time. What about it? As long as you know lol ← WildCyt0m3try I’ll have you know, he said he knew we weren’t exclusive. ← WildCyt0m3try Said with how long it took for me to agree even to date he knew better ← WildCyt0m3try Then proceed to decide how much free time I was going to have based on work commitments ← WildCyt0m3try I forgot my chill pills that day so yanno...haven’t spoken to him in a hot minute ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → sounds like you What’s that supposed to me? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → That you didn’t deviate from my perceived opinions about your character That literally sounds worse… ← WildCty0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → It isn’t, I just complimented you Pffff, if you say so ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 →  I do. Now let’s get ready. Roger that best friend ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Stop No, you deserved that ← WildCyt0m3try Also, I mean it <3 ← WildCyt0m3try Now let’s kick some digital ass! I want that prize!! ← WildCyt0m3try

The tournament bracket was released early that morning. Your first battle wasn’t until round three based on their tiering system, and for that, you were grateful. Sure Edo had already come up with a pretty solid plan, but it was nice to see who you could potentially be facing. Fortunately, you knew OneEyedDrag0n wasn’t participating today, so you didn’t have to worry about being surprised by a wayward ax again. The plan was to trick people into being overly confident for as long as possible since Bow Knight and a Pegasis Knight didn’t look like a problematic duo to overcome. That’s why this was going to be fun.

After hours of competition, it boiled down to the final round. You weren’t sure if you were excited or terrified of this. Everything had gone according to plan; you had managed to keep the extensive and unexpected arsenal of weapons and magic hidden just long enough to get you through the less challenging rounds. If everything went the way you had expected it to, the two would be facing off against Kenshin and Sasuke, a formidable duo.

EdoPorcupine5661 → Ready? I think so? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Not good enough, you’re either ready, or you’re not. I’m ready then ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Good

When the controller vibrated, signaling the start of the battle, you sucked in a breath. Part of the tournament was about getting around the map and collecting specific items. Navigating the map was easy enough with Edo a mounted unit and yourself a flier, but you didn’t want to get too cocky. Sasuke had picked up the lockpicking skill in his previous class, meaning he’d take any treasure he could get to without fail or need for a key, and Kensin’s unit had enough brute strength if your dexterity faltered once you were a goner.

The idea was to split up and take any treasure in your immediate area, once those were in hand the both of you would mount a generally weak attack on Kenshin. Sasuke would hopefully round back after completing the collection mission, which is when Edo planned to break off and corner him—leaving you to deal with Kenshin by yourself until Edo could take out Sasuke. The entire plan hinged on Sasuke being sent to open all the treasure chests and Kenshin being too excited to fight either of you.

Fortunately, it seemed to be working. Your fingers furiously tapped at buttons, trying to will the game into cooperating with your skillful button mash. It didn’t have to be pretty right now; it just had to be a useful distraction. When Kenshin finally landed a hit, you sucked in a breath; quickly, you ran the scenario. You were stuck between healing yourself or bet on your stats and take another crack at Kenshin.

Decision made, you closed your eyes and held your breath, hoping your lance would activate its ability. You didn’t want to look, having decided you’d keep your eyes closed until the next turn you waited. It wasn’t until your phone started vibrating off the hook you thought to look around. Kenshin’s avatar was no longer visible on your screen, and the more you looked, the more you realized that nobody’s stats were available anymore.

Oh gods, had your wifi crashed in the middle of the tournament? Panic rose in your chest, but it was shut down quickly when WINNER flashed across the screen in bold. What? That couldn’t be, right?

EdoPorcupine5661 → Well done Thanks? I honestly don’t know what happened though ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → I hit him with a long-range bow skill, and you delivered a critical hit Oh, really? ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Don’t believe me? Not really. ← WildCyt0m3try I’m convinced this is a fever dream ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Who’s the pessimist now? Still you ← WildCyt0m3try It will always be you lol ← WildCty0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Whatever EdoPorcupine5661 → Don’t forget to accept the prize money I wont ← WildCyt0m3try This was fun. It’s been a good week ← WildCyt0m3ty EdoPorcupine5661 → I guess it has EdoPorcupine5661 → I’m getting off now Same, enjoy your evening! ← WildCyt0m3try Eat something fun to celebrate :) ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Sure EdoPorcupine5661 → you too I guess…. Awe, you do care!! ← WildCyt0m3try EdoPorcupine5661 → Whatever

[find-the-eyes]

I’ll Try Anything Once: Chapter 36

Written by: Sol, Allegra Edited by: Beth, Allegra, Sol

“Nick, calm down.”

Nick felt a hand on his leg once again and opened his eyes to see that he was furiously kicking and thrashing. The only difference from last time was that this kicking and thrashing wasn’t purposeful, and it didn’t feel good at all. And it wouldn’t stop. Nick did everything in his power to calm his flailing legs, but he couldn’t. He had never felt so helpless. His arms thrashed out at his sides. Where was Alex? He arched off the bed, gagging as his breathing tube shifted. His blanket came undone and dropped to the floor. He felt himself sliding towards the edge of the bed to join it.

“Nick!” He felt hands on both of his legs now, and a hand on either arm. Through his half-lidded eyes he saw three nurses, doing their best to restrain him as his legs kicked out and convulsed wildly. His arms thrashed violently now, the IVs in his forearms nearly ripping out of his skin. After a few minutes, Nick felt his body slowing down, suddenly crashing from his wild attack. His head lolled to the side as he felt hands adjusting his breathing tube, gently bringing him back to reality. His head was spinning and he couldn’t stop tears escaping from his eyes.

Two of the nurses talked in hushed voices at the doorway, glancing back at Nick occasionally. Finally, after a few moments, they returned to Nick’s side.

“You’re going to have a brain scan later,” the blonde nurse said. “We need you awake for it, so we’re going to take you off the sedatives for now.”

Nick couldn't even find the strength to nod, so he simply looked at her, hoping she understood.

She put the communication board on Nick’s lap. “Would you like to do anything while we’re waiting to do the brain scan? Your friends are art students, right? Would you like to draw?”

Yes.

“Alright, I’ll be right back.”

Don’t leave. Don’t leave.

“Ah…” She glanced around the room and spotted the notebook that was still sitting on the counter from when Alex was writing in it a few days before. “Is this ok?”

Yes. Thank you.

Nick held the notebook close, and as soon as the nurse left he opened it to a blank page. He grabbed the pen next to him and just started writing. He didn’t know where the words were coming from, but they needed to get out. His arms jerked and twitched as he wrote, but he tried to fight it. This was important.

When he finished, he folded the letter with shaky hands and laid it on the bedside table, not even bothering to read it over. He had barely placed the pen on the table before his head fell back and he drifted off to sleep, all of his energy gone. All he could hope was that Alex would understand.

A couple of hours later, Nick awoke to a hand on his arm and a gentle voice calling his name. He opened his eyes slowly to the information that they were taking him back for the brain scan. His leg kicked out again.

“It won’t hurt, and it won’t take long,” the nurse reassured him. Nick closed his eyes again, trying to believe her.

—

Alex found the neurology office fairly easily. It was a small room in a distant hallway, far from anything Alex had seen in the hospital before. So many people are suffering here. Is Nick one of the worst? Alex shook the thought and entered the small office when he was called.

“Hi, Alex,” the doctor said when he went in. Her calming energy immediately made Alex feel more at ease.

Alex greeted her and sat down at the desk, not knowing what to say. “Is Nick alright?” he finally managed, fiddling with one of the pens on the desk.

“Well, it doesn’t appear that the kicking and thrashing were anything more than a bad reaction to the sedatives. His reaction increased when they gave him more, and so on.”

“Why did he react like that?”

“Here.” The doctor showed Alex the scan of Nick’s brain. “He has a bit of damage to the language processing and speech areas of his brain, as well as some executive functions like decision making and general cognition. Has he ever mentioned that to you?”

“Yeah, actually,” Alex realized, “he had a different lung injury before all of this and said he had some brain damage from a lack of oxygen.”

“That explains it, then. Does he act normal, usually?”

Alex thought for a moment. “He does have some unusual behaviors, but… he doesn’t need to be normal. He’s perfect to me.”

“Unusual behaviors?” The doctor leaned closer to Alex. “Can you tell me what you mean?”

“Uhh…” Alex felt uncomfortable talking about Nick’s issues with a complete stranger, when he wasn’t there to speak up for himself. “Well, he has bad dreams a lot...he’s stolen some things before...he has trouble reading and speaking, and he doesn’t always make eye contact when he’s talking to someone new.” Alex paused, then continued with a sigh. “Nick told me that it all started with the initial brain damage that he got from being shot. He doesn’t really have any physical issues, though.”

The doctor nodded. “All of that definitely could be connected to how he reacted. We think the thrashing was caused by a reaction with the part of his brain that controls movement. Rather than turning off, like it usually does with sedatives, it tried to reject them. Because of that, his body didn’t want to accept the sedatives.”

“Oh…” Alex nodded along thoughtfully and pretended to understand what the neurologist was telling him.

“The good news is that he’s been off the sedatives for a few hours now and he’s doing perfectly fine! You’re allowed to go see him now, if you’d like.”

Alex beamed and thanked the neurologist as he left the small office.

—

Alex walked into Nick’s room to find him fast asleep. He smiled when he saw that the IV giving him sedatives had been removed. He walked over to Nick and brushed the hair off his forehead. Nick stirred at the touch and his eyes lit up when he realized that it was Alex. He lifted his right arm and stretched it out as far as he could, smacking his palm against the bedside table. Alex blinked in confusion for a moment before he noticed the folded paper atop the table. “Is this for me?” he asked. Nick gave him a weak thumbs up of approval.

At that moment, a nurse rushed in, saying something about needing to check on Nick. She rushed Alex out of the room before he could even ask Nick about the piece of paper.

Once he was alone in the hallway, Alex unfolded the piece of paper. He held it gently, trying to decipher Nick’s messy handwriting.

--

A lex

Thank you so much for putting up with me Im sory you have to see me like this It hurts a lot so bad and Im scared but pleas dont worry I cant wait to go home and pet Steckrübe again and Play music again but not do anyt hin g dumb this time Because I Ive learned now maybe I shouldnt stage dive until they tell me its okay

But right now it hurts I want to go home but they wont let me I want t o get up but they won’t let me I Miss being able to speak I dont feel like I have a body anmore it just hurts so much But  when youre here I forget You make me happy  Please bring Steck next time I miss him

I’m sorry I didn't listen to you I feel like a bad Flatmate Im sory I cant do anthing to help you out

Im scared I wont get better it Hurts it hurts and I dont know why it hurts so much I still cant breathe Im Scared I wont be able to

My body is kicking thrashing I cant stop it wont stop Im so   tired but I cant sleep it wont Help Im terrified

You saved me

I want to be with you Im sorry I couldnt tell you that niht  it hurt too bad I want to be yours

I love you so much Alex Ive loved you from the first night you Visited me at the prisonn You accept me ffor who I am and you ne ver get mad at me Evn when I deserve it I deseve it 

Thank you Than k you Thank you for saving me I love you I love you I love you Alex I love you

--

Alex braced himself against the wall, trembling as he clutched the paper. Nick loves me. He meant it the other day. And I didn’t listen.

Alex folded the piece of paper again and ran back into the room as soon as the nurse left. The heart monitor started beeping faster than Alex had ever seen it beep before as he approached Nick’s bed. He laughed softly and believed for a moment that Nick was giving a small smile as well. Was he? Maybe it was just the lighting. Alex ignored the beeping and held Nick’s hand. “I love you too,” he said softly. “So much. And you're going to get better.” Alex ran a hand through Nick’s hair. “And I’m sorry for trying to talk about our relationship when you were in so much pain. I should have known better.” Nick started furiously tapping the I love you box on his board, blinking back tears as he looked up at Alex.

Suddenly, a nurse rushed into the room. “Is everything alright in here?” she asked, obviously concerned by the sudden, rapid beeping. Alex dropped Nick’s hand, instantly brought back to the reality of the situation as he remembered the condition Nick was in. He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn’t form the words.

“Just…don't get him overexcited, yeah?” the nurse sighed as Nick’s heart rate slowed back to normal. “He’s still in critical condition and we want him to make it out alive, after all.”

“Alright,” Alex said sheepishly. The nurse gave him a stern look and walked out.

Nick’s eyes were bright, but he wasn’t smiling. He couldn’t. There was no way he could do anything more than move his eyes and his hands. He still had to make it out of the hospital alive before Alex could even think about the future. Was it better to be hopeful or to prepare himself for the worst?

Alex looked back down at Nick and realized that his eyes were still so full of love, searching for an answer from Alex, an answer neither of them could find.

“I love you, Nick,” Alex ran his hand through Nick’s hair, “I really do.”