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find-the-eyes · 5 years ago

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I’ll Try Anything Once, Chapter 49

Written by: Erin, Beth, Sol, Allegra Edited by: Erin, Sol

“Did I tell you we have a party to go to tonight?”

Nick looked up from his textbook and closed it abruptly, glad to have an excuse to abandon his schoolwork. “No...it’s New Year’s Eve, right?”

“Yeah, it is. Someone should get you a calendar,” Alex laughed, “you want to go get ready? We have to be there at nine.”

“Do we have to walk there?”

“I think so. It’ll be a 20 minute walk.”

“... I don’t know if I can…” Nick trailed off with a sigh.

“That doesn’t matter for now. Just get ready, alright?”

Nick nodded, standing up and stretching. Alex smiled at Nick’s slightly-too-small t-shirt riding up over his stomach, exposing a strip of pale skin. Nick noticed Alex’s gaze and playfully smacked his shoulder with a giggle. “D’you think I need to shower?”

“Yeah, sure,” Alex replied. “I could...do you need help?”

“I think I’m good.”

“Oh,” Alex said, his expression falling as he watched Nick retreat down the hall on his crutches. “Are you sure you can stand for that long?”

“I dunno. Maybe? We’ll see,” Nick shrugged. “I’ll just sit if I have to.”

Alex bit his lip as Nick shut the bathroom door behind him. “O-okay.” He slowly returned to the living room, sitting down on the sofa and flipping on the TV. He tried his best to focus on the cooking program that was on, but every time he heard a little sound coming from the bathroom, his attention was diverted. He’s fine. Don’t worry about him. He can take care of himsel-

THUNK!

Alex leapt to his feet and bolted to the bathroom. “Nick?!” He yanked the door open and threw the shower curtain aside to find Nick standing upright, clutching a bottle of shampoo.

Nick gasped and whipped around to stare at Alex. “What?!”

“I…” Alex faltered. “I heard a noise and I- I thought you got hurt-”

“Oh, yeah. Dropped the shampoo. I’m fine.”

“Oh...uh...okay,” Alex said quietly. “Are you sure-”

Nick frowned. “I told you I was fine…”

“Sorry, love,” Alex said quietly. He backed out of the bathroom and shut the door behind him sheepishly.

Alex returned to his spot on the sofa, his heart still pounding and his mind still reeling with worst possible scenarios. He wanted nothing more than to make sure Nick was okay, watch over him at all times, help him with small tasks. But Nick was recovering, and Alex needed to accept that, needed to stop treating everything like a life or death situation.

A short while later, the boys headed out of the flat, fully bundled up to ward off the winter chill. Nick had decided on a red button-down shirt and a pair of sparkly black bell-bottom trousers, while Alex had changed into a pink shirt and black skinny jeans.

As they slowly made their way to the party, Nick’s already shortened breath became even more ragged as he began to recognise his surroundings. It looks like we’re near the… No, it can’t be…

Turning the corner, his eyes confirmed what his brain already knew: it was the abandoned building where he used to live. Bad memories came flooding back momentarily, until he noticed that it didn’t look quite the same as it did before. Whilst it was still clearly derelict, it looked somehow tidier from the outside, as if someone had fixed it up: the front door had been painted a bright blue, and the broken windows had been boarded up with plywood that was painted bright colours.

As Nick paused to examine his old haunt further, he realised that he could hear music coming from inside the building.

“Alex,” Nick looked at his boyfriend with befuddlement, “what is going on?”

Alex beamed. “Surprise,” he said, giving Nick a peck on the cheek. “While you were in the hospital, Paul and Bob and I helped fix the place up. It’s still not perfect, but it’s way nicer than it was before!”

Nick could only stare at the building, his mouth agape. Alex noticed this and began to panic. Oh shit, was this not a good idea?

“Nick, are you ok?” No response. “Nick? What do you think?”

Nick wasn’t sure what to think. Did he really want to venture into a place with so many bad memories?

Nick’s contemplation was interrupted by Alex placing a hand softly on his shoulder.

“I promise it’ll be ok, Nick.” Nick gazed at the taller man, who gave him a reassuring smile. With that, Nick linked one arm with Alex’s and they slowly began to make their way inside.

Nick’s jaw nearly dropped as he saw his former home. The lights inside were bright, broken lightbulbs replaced by warm, yellow light. The walls were painted white with splashes of bright color on the back wall. Fairy lights framed each window, the broken panes replaced with brightly painted plywood.

The once uninhabitable building was now a beautiful space filled with people and upbeat music. It was completely unrecognizable apart from the rafters above them, but even that had been cleaned up and decorated with lights, colourful paint, and tapestries.

“What do you think, Nick?” Nick awoke from his mesmerized state and stared slack-jawed at Alex for a moment before replying.

“I love it.” He barely managed to whisper, still in shock.

Alex, just able to hear Nick’s soft words, carefully wrapped his arms around his wide-eyed love. “Do you want to go sit down? I’ll bring you a hot chocolate?” Nick beamed at these words.

“I’ll be right back, then.” Alex helped Nick into a soft armchair and kissed him on the cheek as he went to find his love a nice, warm drink. Nick continued exploring the room with his eyes. He just couldn’t get over how neat and cosy this former hovel had become.

Nick was jolted out of his trance by a new presence next to him. He looked over, expecting to see Alex with a warm cup of hot cocoa. Instead, he was greeted by a pair of legs swathed in hot pink leopard print leggings. He looked up and saw a bright pink sparkling vest that left little to the imagination, and looking up further still Nick saw a familiar, grinning face.

“Dino?”

“Hi Nick, you look wonderful this evening.” Dino, though as gregarious as ever, wasn’t quite as flirty as he normally was: no lewd comments, no intense stares. Knowing that Nick hadn’t been at his best, Dino knew that now was not the time to hit on Nick; that could wait for another day.

“You seem well! How are you doing?”

“Um, I’m better. Thank you.” Nick smiled at the sparkling man in front of him. Despite what Alex had previously said about him, Nick liked Dino. He was unusual, but friendly, and seemed to genuinely care about Nick's wellbeing.

As the two were chatting, Nick noticed some shuffling in Dino’s vest. Dino, upon noticing Nick’s curiosity, reached inside and pulled out a tan and white rat in a vest that was just as sparkly and pink as Dino’s. Nick gasped at this wondrous sight.

“You remember Peanut, yeah?” Dino proudly showed off his beloved pet.

Nick nodded and grinned as Peanut twitched her little nose and started making her way towards him. She eventually curled up in a ball on his lap.

“She likes you!” Dino beamed with pride, grateful that someone else loved his rat almost as much as he did.

“Thanks for the birthday gift,” Nick said softly, remembering the rat plush he had at home.

“You’re so welcome! I saw the rat plush at IKEA and knew I had to get it for you! Have you named it?”

“Not yet,” Nick laughed, patting Peanut again.

“Maybe Steve? After my rat?”

Nick kept laughing at the prospect of a rat named Steve. “Maybe!” He took the opportunity of a short silence to look up at Dino. Nick never understood why Alex hated him so much — he was always kind and polite, at least to him. Maybe things were different at art school.

As soon as Dino got back to rambling about his new rat playground, a cup of hot cocoa plopped into Nick’s hands. Alex sat down beside him and squeezed his arm gently.

Nick laughed as the warmth from the hot cocoa gently misted his face. “Sure is strange being back here,” he sighed.

“In a good way?”

“Of course! It’s beautiful…” Nick trailed off as he kept looking around the space.

Suddenly, Dino and Peanut scurried off in a pink-vested blur. Alex looked to Nick, confused as to what Dino could be scurrying towards. However, upon approaching the dance floor, Alex saw that Paul was away from the DJ booth.

Upon seeing Dino approaching Paul, Bob froze from behind the DJ booth. Shit. Being left alone to manage the music was difficult enough — but having to watch Paul flirt with Dino, powerless behind giant, clunky headphones?

Bob shook his thoughts away and refocused on the task at hand — making sure that no one at this party got bored of the music choices. There was only an hour left until midnight, after all, and he had to play bangers while not wasting all of the good songs. Despite his focus on his task, he couldn’t stop looking up at Paul and Dino — is Dino flirting? Why is Paul laughing? What the hell is so—

Bob nearly jumped when he felt a tap on his shoulder. “What—” he removed one side of his headphones and looked up at Alex standing behind him.

“I’ve got it. Prince House Rabbit on the decks,” Alex grinned.

“No, seriously— Prince House Rabbit?”

“Just go get your boy, Bob. We can talk about DJ names later.”

Bob took off his headphones and shoved them into Alex’s hands. “Play the Cha Cha Slide. It always does some good crowd control.”

As Bob walked away, he grinned, recognizing the Cha Cha Slide beginning to play over the speakers. He then heard the unmistakable pat pat pat of Nick scrambling to catch up to him on his crutches.

Bob’s smile quickly faded as he saw Paul brushing Dino’s hair out of his face. “Oh, absolutely not,” he muttered, apparently loud enough for Nick to hear over the Cha Cha Slide.

“Are you okay?” Nick gently nudged Bob with his shoulder, not wanting to lose his balance.

“Yeah, I—”

“We can do something else, if you want,” Nick glanced at Bob and then quickly looked away, “get a snack or something?”

Before Bob could even respond, Nick was wobbling off towards the snack table, where it was much less chaotic than close to the DJ booth.

“Dino was so nice to me earlier,” Nick scooped some pretzels onto a small paper plate, “now I know why you all don’t like him.”

“If he’s nice to you, then—”

“He’s flirting with your boyfriend, Bob!”

“We’re not—” Before Bob could finish his response, Nick was already wobbling away to the sofa near the snacks, trying not to drop his plate.

“We’re not dating,” Bob clarified once he met Nick at the sofa with his snacks.

Nick nodded thoughtfully, “then why are you so upset?”

“Because I love him, and I want to date him, but he’s—” Bob sighed, “I don’t think he values me like that.”

“I’m sure he does,” Nick fiddled with a stray piece of thread on the sofa, “he might just not know how to show it.”

“Well, it would sure help if he wasn’t over there flirting with Dino.”

“You’re right,” Nick sighed, wondering if just not talking anymore would be better than possibly hurting Bob’s feelings. He looked over at Alex, who noticed him and made a heart with his hands.

“Do you think we should go get him?” Bob looked over at Paul again. Dino was too close to him, and he didn’t seem to mind. Seemingly, he didn’t notice Bob at all.

“No, we can…” Nick trailed off, realizing just how affectionate Paul and Dino were being. “We can go tell him off later.”

��Wait, Nick--” Bob laughed to himself, “you really used to live here?”

“Yeah, for a few months,” Nick shrugged, “maybe the worst few months of my life.”

“I almost didn’t believe Paul when he told me why we were fixing this place up,” Bob looked around at the elaborate renovation, “you were always just sort of a mystery to me.”

“I lived up there,” Nick looked up towards the rathers, “I’d like to go up there just to see…”

“We can go, if you want,” Bob offered, wanting to get his mind off of Paul and Dino.

“How do we get up there, though? I don’t think I can do the rope ladder yet…” Nick sighed and got up from the sofa, trying to see an alternate way to the rafters.

“We could try the back,” Bob suggested, glancing towards the roped off area past the snack section. “I mean, there has to be a way to get up there back there, you know?”

Nick nodded and slowly made his way towards the roped off area. “Do you know where this goes?”

Bob grabbed a flashlight from one of the cabinets near the snacks. “I thought you would,” Bob hopped over the caution tape blocking off the hall. “Can you clear this?”

“Can try,” Nick clumsily swung over the barrier, nearly slipping in the dust on the floor.

Once Nick was steady, Bob trekked through the hall, blindly leading the way with the nearly-defunct flashlight. The floorboards creaked under his feet, nearly matching the beat of Nelly’s “Hot In Herre” playing from the other room. What the fuck, Alex?

Shaking his thoughts of Alex’s terrible music choice -- he just came over from Greece a few months ago, I should give him a break -- Bob looked over his shoulder to make sure Nick was following him.

“I-I think I should have a break, Bob,” Nick straggled along a few yards behind Bob. He looked around for somewhere to rest, but found that every available surface was coated in a thick layer of dust.

“Just a bit further,” Bob waited for Nick to catch up with him.

Nick, afraid of being left in the dark, scrambled up to Bob and leaned on him. Bob, not wanting Nick to topple over, slid a hand around his waist. “Is that okay?”

“Perfect,” Nick responded, “thanks.”

Bob stayed silent, recalling his day spent with Nick asleep next to him. He didn’t want to admit that they cuddled, but now… now that Paul was off flirting with Dino and he had Nick right here with him…

“... Do you remember cuddling with me, Nick?” Bob asked as they approached a staircase.

“I can’t do stairs yet.”

“But the cuddles, Nick.”

“I know I fell asleep on you a couple weeks ago. I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Bob smiled, “I’m glad I was there for you.”

Nick nodded and broke away from Bob, wobbling towards the stairs on his crutches. “How do I get up there?”

“Try crawling? I’ll— I’ll spot you.”

Nick nodded and got down on his hands and knees. Bob carried Nick’s crutches as he slowly followed him up the stairs, until they reached a door. Bob busted the door open to find a small corridor leading to the rafters.

Bob grabbed Nick’s hand to help him back on his feet, and steadied him on his crutches before continuing into the hallway. Nick’s limbs were sore from crawling up the wooden staircase, but he refused to let the pain show on his face.

“Looks like we’re almost there,” Bob reassured Nick, whose breathing was noticeably heavier. However, Nick was determined to reach their destination without needing a break, and the two of them let the light at the end of the hallway guide them.

Soon the narrow hallway opened up into the large space that was once Nick’s former home, but he hardly recognized it. Two couches and a recliner replaced what used to be a pile of blankets, and strings of lights were wrapped around the newly painted rafters over their heads.

“Oh wow,” Bob broke the silence as they looked around in awe. “It’s so nice and cozy up here.” During the renovation, Bob dedicated his time to painting the walls downstairs and hadn’t gotten a chance to see the rafters until now.

“It didn’t always look like this.” Nice and cozy was the last way Nick would describe this place a few months ago. Paul really did an incredible job renovating the place, even more noticeably so as they approached the couches and spotted a maroon rug on the floor that matched the pillows.

Nick sat himself down on one of the couches, grateful to finally be able to rest, and Bob followed, plopping down next to him on the comfortable cushion.

“Your boyf— I mean— Paul really knows how to fix up a building.” Bob could only respond with a sad laugh, amused with Nick’s caution of referring to Paul as his boyfriend, but also hurt by the reminder that he wasn’t.

The flashy lights from the dancefloor below illuminated their spot, and the booming bass from another awful pop song slightly vibrated the rafters underneath them. Bob smiled at Alex’s continued horrible song choices, but his smile slowly faded when he recognized two figures below them on the dance floor. Bob could spot Paul a mile away, and Dino’s bright pink outfit was hard to miss.

Nick, who had been silently observing Bob from beside him, followed his gaze to the couple. It was uncomfortable for the both of them to watch the way Paul and Dino were pressed against each other, their bodies practically melted together and swaying to the music. Nick felt Bob tense up next to him as Dino then began to lean in until his lips crashed into Paul’s. Bob’s heart immediately sunk, and his stomach churned.

“It makes you sad, doesn’t it?” Nick asked, barely loud enough over the music for Bob to hear.

“More like it breaks my heart.” Bob stared at his hands, afraid to look up and even catch a glimpse of the nightmare unfolding below him.

“I’m sorry.” Nick wasn’t entirely sure what else to say, but he hated seeing Bob so sad. Nick put an arm around Bob’s shoulders as he began to shake and tears began to roll down his cheeks.

Bob knew that he and Paul weren’t a couple, but he still wasn’t entirely sure why. How could Paul say that he loved him, but then sleep with someone else? Did he even mean it?

“Has Alex ever told you that he loves you?”

There was a brief silence as Nick contemplated telling Bob the truth, but he ultimately decided that he trusted Bob and responded with a “yes.”

Bob ignored the slight pang of jealousy stemming from whatever feelings he still had left for Alex. “How do you know that he really means it?” Bob needed to know what true love actually looks like, because he was sure it wasn’t what he was receiving from Paul.

“Well,” Nick started, “he takes care of me. He’s patient with me, and loyal.” Nick had never described Alex like this to someone before, and his heart fluttered as he reflected on the many loving moments they shared. “He makes me feel loved. It’s a feeling, not just words. It’s the way he looks at me.”

Nick’s voice drifted off and Bob wiped his eyes before tilting his head to look at Nick. Nick wasn’t looking directly at Bob, but staring off into the distance somewhere next to his head, his blue eyes sparkling and a small smile tugging at his lips. Bob guessed the look Nick was talking about was the same one in his eyes right now as he described Alex.

Bob confessed his biggest fear, “I don’t think Paul loves me.” Bob looked back to the dancefloor but Paul and Dino were nowhere to be seen, having either shifted out of his sight or gone to another area for more privacy. “He says he does, but how could he do this to me?”

Nick couldn’t even imagine the pain he’d feel if Alex were to ever kiss someone else in front of him. “Maybe you need to talk to him, tell him you don’t want him seeing Dino anymore.”

Bob sighed, “You’re right, it's just hard to get anything out of him sometimes. Relationships confuse him, I think.”

“He does care about you. He looks at you differently.”

“Really?” Bob asked, looking back at Nick who gave him a reassuring smile.

“Yeah, like how Alex looks at me.”

Next thing Bob knew, Nick’s face began to lean into his, causing his heart to beat faster. Before Bob could stop him or ask what he was doing, Nick gently pressed his lips against Bob’s cheek. Despite the innocence of the gesture, Bob still felt his face burn, and he missed the feeling of Nick’s soft lips as soon as he pulled away. Bob had forgotten that Nick’s arm was around him until it slipped off as he stood up. “C’mon, let’s not let this ruin your New Years.”

Bob grabbed Nick’s hand to stop him before standing up. “Thank you, Nick.” It felt good getting this off of his chest to someone, and Bob couldn’t imagine a better person to talk to than Nick. Both of them couldn’t seem to stop smiling as they trekked through the corridor, and Bob sensed the beginning of a new friendship.

Nick carefully made his way back down the stairs, and with Bob’s help, the both of them were able to return to the dance floor before midnight. “Let’s see how Alex is holding up,” Bob suggested, locking his eyes on the DJ booth and refusing to let them stray to sights he didn’t want to see.

“Hey, where have you guys been?” Alex asked as they approached him. Nick sensed an annoyance in his stance, but regardless Alex looked grateful to see his boyfriend and his best friend.

“Talking,” was all Bob responded with as he grabbed a nearby stool for Nick and placed it next to Alex’s. When Nick sat down, he caught a glimpse at the time from Alex’s laptop. 11:50.

“What are you thinking of playing at midnight?” Nick asked, peering up at the laptop screen Alex was scrolling on with ravenous intensity.

“You’ll see,” Alex kept scrolling.

Bob leaned against the booth and let his mind wander. He wanted to see Paul and wanted to spend his New Years with him, but he still felt uneasy over the whole situation with Dino. Bob dared to look towards the dance floor for the first time since talking with Nick, and although it was crowded, he was able to spot Paul who was by himself this time, grabbing a drink from the snacks table.

Suddenly, three blonde girls from Alex’s studio art class who were wearing sparkly gold dresses and heels that looked impossible to walk in approached the DJ booth. “Could you play that new Libertines song?” One of them asked.

“After midnight,” Alex sighed, exasperated, adding the song to his endless list of requests.

“And, while I’m here, why haven’t you guys played a gig in so long?”

Alex ignored the question, or couldn’t hear it. This left Nick or Bob to speak up.

“Well…” Nick started, too softly for anyone to hear him.

“Midterms!” Bob interrupted.

“Get back to gigs soon?” The girl inquired.

“Of course.”

“If you see Paul on the floor,” Alex took off his headphones to speak to the girls, “could you tell him to get back to managing his own party?”

The girls walked away, but Paul was already on his way back to the booth. “Well would you look who it is,” Alex said in a bitter tone, “Managed to pull yourself away?” Bob noticed the glare Alex and Nick were giving Paul, and matched it with one of his own. Paul shifted on his feet, obviously uncomfortable.

“Look, I’m sorry I was gone for so long. Can I—”

“No,” Alex interrupted, refusing to give up his spot, “I have a plan. Maybe if you weren’t off with Dino...” Bob almost couldn’t believe how blunt Alex was being by calling out Paul, but he felt a sense of pride. Paul deserved this.

“Can I please be back in charge?”

“After midnight, if you want,” Alex tapped the touchpad. 11:58.

Paul smiled as soon as he heard the song Alex had put on. “Mr Brightside?” He laughed, “I do love The Killers.”

Bob stood up straighter, paying more attention to this song than whatever nonsense Alex was playing before. As the song launched into its chorus, Bob shot a look towards Alex, who gave him a subtle smirk and slightly tilted his head towards Paul.

Feeling a new sense of confidence, Bob rounded the booth to Paul and grabbed his arm, pulling him to the edge of the dance floor.

“Hey,” was all Paul said, and Bob hated that he couldn’t decipher the emotion on his face. Bob felt angry, scared, excited, a whole whirlwind of emotions that almost made him shake. How is Paul not… feeling this?

“What have you been doing all night?” Bob already knew, but he wanted to hear it from Paul, wanted to make him admit it.

Paul couldn’t look Bob in the eyes. “I’ve been with Dino.”

“Why?” Bob responded sharply, running his thumb over his knuckles for support.

“Why not? You can’t put restrictions on me, Bob. We aren’t even officially together.” Bob wanted to hate Paul, but he couldn’t. The lighting of the dance floor cast shadows on Paul’s face that highlighted his best features. He was so beautiful, even when he was breaking Bob’s heart, and Bob just wanted to be his.

“Can’t you-” Bob’s throat closed up on itself before he could finish. Tears threatened to escape his eyes, but he held them back, trying to remain strong for once.

Paul took a step closer to Bob, getting a soft look in his eyes as guilt began to way him down. He hated seeing Bob upset, and being the cause of it crushed him. “Don’t think this means I care any less about you, Bob.” Paul grabbed Bob’s face in his hands. “You mean so much to me.”

“I don’t want you to be with Dino.” Bob managed shakily, pulling away. “I want you to be with me.”

Before Paul could respond, the crowd around them began to collectively count down the minute until the new year. 59, 58, 57...

Bob didn’t want to be here, but he didn’t know where else to go. Paul didn’t love him and Paul didn’t want to be with. He felt humiliated and stupid, and he just wanted to disappear, didn’t want to see the sad look Paul was giving him.

30, 29, 28... Bob looked away from Paul for a moment to catch Alex rushing towards a dark corner towards the back of the room, Nick hobbling on his crutches close behind. Their excitement was obvious from all the way across the room, and for the first time Bob felt happy for them, rather than jealous. After his conversation with Nick, Bob could confirm that there was real and pure love between them.

10, 9, 8... Alex seemed unable to wait any longer as he pulled Nick into a kiss before they both disappeared from sight.

As everyone around them cheered, “3, 2,1, Happy New Year!” Bob looked back at Paul. They stared at each other in silence for a moment despite the celebration surrounding them. Bob waited for Paul to just walk away, go find Dino, to never talk to him again, but instead Paul took a step closer to him. Paul slowly lifted his hand to place on the back of Bob’s head, as if scared he would resist this time too. However, Bob didn’t back away; he couldn’t. His heart hammered wildly in his chest as he waited for Paul’s next move. Paul leaned in slowly, his eyes gravitating to Bob’s mouth and his hand pulling him closer. Bob could feel Paul’s breath against his face as he whispered, “happy new year, Bob,” before connecting their lips. As they stood there, gently pressed together, Bob felt the pain in his heart subside. After a moment, Bob wrapped his arms around Paul’s waist to pull him even closer, feeling almost selfish and wanting the world to know that Paul was his.

Bob didn’t know how much time had passed when they finally broke apart. He pulled Paul into a hug instead and whispered in his ear, “Happy new year, Paul.” It felt good to have Paul this close again, and Bob focused on their matched breathing, prepared to stay like this for the rest of the night.

Shimmering red flashes of light crackled and illuminated the sky above Nick and Alex.

“Pretty,” Nick said, trying not to shiver from the cold. The two boys sat on a concrete ledge they had found along the perimeter of the building, having escaped from the party to observe the fireworks going off from a few blocks down.

“They really are,” Alex responded, pulling Nick slightly closer by his shoulders to keep both of them warm. The sound of another explosion rang in the air before streaks of white light drew lines in the dark sky in all different directions. Every time this happened, Alex could feel Nick flinch slightly, but he didn’t express any concerns, seeming to enjoy the light show more than anything.

The concept of time continuing on without being able to stop terrified Alex, and he often found himself dreading each coming year. In previous years he couldn’t understand how people could celebrate getting older and losing the past, but today he didn’t feel so pessimistic about starting a new year. “What do you think about 2005?”

“It’s been good so far.” Of course Nick’s answer was simple, but Alex appreciated it nonetheless.

“I agree. I’m so happy I get to spend it with you, Nitzki.” Alex found Nick’s hands from his lap and held them in his own as another attempt to keep him warm.

“I think this year will be the best one yet.”

Alex let out a small laugh. “What makes you say that?”

“I have you, now.” Nick looked away from the light show for a moment to speak to Alex. “And Steck.” The mention of their furry companion made them both smile.

“And Bob and Paul,” Alex added.

“Yes, them too. I hope they figure out their relationship.”

“Me too. I really don’t get what Paul’s deal is. Bob doesn’t deserve this,” Alex said, reflecting on the anger he felt towards Paul watching him dance and make out with Dino all night.

“He doesn’t. Bob is a good person.”

“He really is.” The two of them then sat in silence for a while, admiring what they assumed to be the finale of the fireworks show as colorful lights rapidly exploded in the air.

The silence that followed was comfortable. Alex and Nick continued to hold each other in the cold night, and the streaks of smoke lingering in the sky were the only evidence left of the fireworks. A slight sadness fell upon Nick, but he glanced over at Alex again and felt comfort in knowing that not everything beautiful disappeared so quickly.

#we're back!!!!#:)#and please welcome erin to the team!!!!#franz ferdinand #illtryanythingonce

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find-the-eyes · 5 years ago

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I’ll Try Anything Once, Chapter 48

Written by: Allegra, Sol

Edited by: Beth, Allegra, Sol

The bright December sun poured through the windscreen of Alex’s car, warming Nick’s face as he stared idly out the window.

Despite his calm demeanor, Nick’s mind was racing. They were on their way to yet another medical appointment, something that had become routine for them over the last month. Nick hated going to the doctor. Any doctor. The unforgiving fluorescent lighting, the white walls, the sterile smell, the way everyone around looked so sad for Nick. He’d had enough. He just wanted to be better. But it didn’t seem like he ever would be.

“You alright?” The car had come to a stop, Nick realized, and Alex had placed his left hand atop Nick’s right. Nick turned his gaze to Alex and forced a smile.

“Oh...I’m fine.”

Alex frowned as he lightly ran his fingertips across Nick’s knuckles. “Fine?” Nick hmmed in response. “Aren’t you excited? They might clear you to stop wearing the mask today!” Alex was always good at retaining the deluge of information that the doctors and nurses had given Nick during his recovery, and he had been looking forward to this day for weeks. He was (somewhat selfishly) excited about the prospect of finally being able to kiss Nick again, but he was also looking forward to Nick regaining his independence, freedom from his reliance on a machine to control his breathing.

“Yeah…” Nick said, pausing before quietly adding, “...No. I’m not. I’m scared.”

“Oh, Nick,” Alex whispered, squeezing Nick’s hand as he hit the accelerator when the light flashed to green. “Everything is going to be fine. I’m sure.”

Nick said nothing, trying to focus on the warmth of Alex’s reassuring hand atop his. Logically, he knew that he had come a long way since the day he had come home from the hospital, but his anxious brain could only think of what he still couldn’t do. He couldn’t walk long distances without becoming exhausted. He couldn’t breathe on his own for more than a few hours. He couldn’t bathe alone, or cook for himself, or sleep by himself without Alex staying with him to make sure that he was still alive. That was the worst thing of all, Nick thought, the way Alex had completely uprooted his life to take care of him day in and day out, somehow managing to fit in schoolwork and errands and taking care of Steckrübe on top of everything else. Would Alex be okay with having to do this every day, forever? If Nick didn’t get better, he knew he would be stuck in their flat forever, never again able to play a show or go to class or go places with his friends. And Alex would have to follow suit. Nick couldn’t do that to Alex...but he wouldn’t have a choice. Alex wouldn’t want to take care of him, he would break up with him, and Nick would be alone yet again.

The car jolted to a stop again, this time in a space in the car park, the grey medical building looming before them.

“Want to roll there?” Alex asked as he waited for Nick to step out of the car.

Nick stepped out of the car and shakily shut the door. “I can walk.”

“You’re sure?” Nick nodded before almost losing his balance. Alex instinctively grabbed Nick’s waist to steady him. “Are you absolutely sure you don’t need to roll?”

“I’m fine.” Nick wasn’t feeling fine, but he forced himself to soldier on. Alex kept one hand on Nick’s lower back as they made their way up the sidewalk. By the time they had reached the front door, Alex’s arms were firmly wrapped around Nick’s chest as his legs threatened to give out beneath him.

Alex stumbled through the automatic doors and sat Nick down in a chair in the waiting room so he could talk to a receptionist. Nick sank into his seat, slumping down far enough to rest his head on the back of the chair. The room spun around him even when he closed his eyes. His chest ached, like his lung was going to collapse again at any moment.

Nick only opened his eyes when Alex sat down next to him. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah,” Nick blinked and tried to catch his breath.

“I brought you water,” Alex handed Nick a bottle of water. “Can you open it?”

Nick nodded and opened the bottle. As soon as he took a sip, he was called for his appointment. As he trudged down the hall to the exam room, he held onto Alex with one arm and the wall with the other.

When they made it to the exam room, Nick immediately collapsed onto the bench he was supposed to sit on. Alex sighed and lifted him to sit on it. “Are you feeling alright?”

Nick nodded and leaned against the wall. This wasn’t going to go well.

The doctor came into the room a few minutes later and both Alex and Nick greeted her hesitantly. Alex was nervous now. Nick could tell.

“Could you take off your mask, please?” The doctor asked, ready to assess Nick’s breathing. Nick pulled the mask off, once again hesitating, scared of the possible negative outcome.

The doctor then listened to Nick’s breathing with her stethoscope, running the cold metal over his chest and back. Nick made sure to try to keep it as even as he could. Even the slightest flaw could stop him from being cleared. He put the mask back on after she was done.

“I think we should do an x-ray,” the doctor suggested, “is that ok?” Nick nodded and looked over at Alex, who gave a thumbs up of approval. “Come right this way,” she said, sliding the exam room door open and heading down the hall.

Nick glanced nervously at Alex and slid himself off the table, his legs wobbling. He took a hesitant step, his hand still firmly planted against the counter, and then another. Alex reached out for him, but Nick shook his head. He stepped again and again, small steps, making his way to the door slowly but surely.

The doctor reappeared in the doorway. “Right this w-” she began, trailing off as she locked eyes with Nick, his hand braced on the wall, his legs dangerously close to giving out again.

“... I’ll go get you a wheelchair,” the doctor rushed off and returned a few moments later. Nick hesitated to sit down, not wanting to accept his weakness.

Luckily, or unluckily, for Alex, Nick’s walking abilities were to be assessed as soon as he returned from his x-ray.

“Well… you’re walking,” the doctor reassured Nick after he wobbled across the room, “that’s a good thing. But you’re not balanced at all when you walk…”

Nick nodded, acknowledging that he was always afraid of toppling over whenever he took more than a couple steps without support.

"But that's okay. We can get you a pair of crutches for that."

Nick's ears perked up at the suggestion. Crutches? He was strong enough for crutches? He nodded vigorously. "Okay."

The doctor left the room to look for a pair of crutches. Nick wobbled back to the bench and tried to hop up to sit on it.

“Let’s hope this helps, yeah?” Alex remarked cheerily as he helped Nick onto the bench. Nick nodded again, a bit nervous. What if he wasn’t strong enough?

The doctor came back a few minutes later, holding a pair of crutches. Nick tensed up when he saw them. It was happening. He did his best to let his body relax as the doctor slipped the cuffs around his arms and showed him how to properly hold the handles.

“You got it, Nick?” Alex asked as Nick cautiously slid down from the bench. Nick nodded and steadied himself. He took one slow step, then a second. This wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t great, either - but he was upright and walking. His shoulders were scrunched and his elbows bent awkwardly outwards as he made his way to the door, then turned around and walked back to the bench.

The doctor nodded her approval. “Great. Before you leave, we’ll get a nurse to adjust the height of those. I can see that they’re a little too tall for you.” Alex inadvertently let out a small snort of laughter and Nick looked at him, brows furrowed. “The x-ray results should be back by now… let me go check!”

When the doctor left the room, Nick looked up at Alex. “Why’d you laugh just now?”

“Well… You are quite short, Nick. But it’s cute. You’re cute!” Alex playfully rubbed his hand across Nick’s upper back. Nick smiled faintly. He was proud to have graduated to using crutches, but the nagging fear of not being cleared still clouded his mind. He couldn’t let his guard down just yet.

The doctor returned with the x-ray photos in her hand. Her white coat swished as she shut the door and strode over to the x-ray screen, flicking on the switch. “Well, Nick,” she smiled, “I’ve got some good news. Your lung is fully healed!”

Nick grinned, but was still unsure of what that meant. It sure didn’t feel healed.

“The punctured part has been completely patched up. If you look here-” She hung the x-ray on the screen and gestured to one area. “-the puncture from falling on the barrier is totally gone. There was a hole here on the first x-rays we took, but not anymore!”

Nick wanted to know why he still felt so much pain and weakness if he was as “healed” as the doctor claimed, but couldn’t find the words. Alex spoke up, as though reading his mind. “So, what exactly does that mean?”

“It means that his lungs are fully functioning again and he can breathe independently. There’s no chance of air escaping and causing his lung to collapse again. So,” she said with a smile, turning her attention back to Nick, “that means you don’t need to wear the mask anymore! You can always put it on if you feel like you need it, considering your lungs are still weak. But you are in the clear!”

A smile spread across Nick’s face again, this time for real. He was cleared. He was better. He wasn’t confined to the flat anymore. He had...survived. If he was physically able, he would have jumped for joy, but instead settled on kicking the air gently with excitement.

Alex nudged Nick’s shoulder and tapped the mask. When Nick turned to look at him, Alex carefully lifted the mask off his face and pulled the straps out of his hair. Nick blinked rapidly and took his first real deep breath in months. “Thanks,” he said with an appreciative smile.

“Does this mean I can leave the flat now?” Nick asked, silently hoping that the doctor wasn’t aware that he had actually left the flat already.

“That should be fine! Just take it easy, okay?”

Once the crutches had been adjusted and Nick had been handed a fresh pile of instructions and paperwork, the boys made their way out to Alex’s car. As Alex readjusted the ventilator in his hands, he stole a glance at Nick, who looked fully content for the first time since Alex had met him. He was practically glowing, his smile spreading wider and wider across his face. His blue eyes were brighter than ever. He was practically bouncing with every step. Alex wanted nothing more than to grab him right then and there and kiss him within an inch of his life, but he decided it was better to save that for when they weren’t in public. He watched as Nick walked steadily to the car, taking it slow, not afraid of falling or passing out. Alex could tell Nick was tired, though, as he leaned against the car door, waiting for Alex to unlock it.

Nick slid into his seat as Alex opened the back door to toss Nick’s crutches into the pile of trash and random medical papers that spilled off the seat. I really need to clean, he thought to himself as he shoved a sketchbook out of the way to set the ventilator down. That could come later, though. Nick was waiting. Alex smiled as he shut the door and opened his own. He couldn’t wait to get home and kiss Nick for the first time in forever.

Alex climbed into his seat and looked over at Nick with a smile before putting the car in reverse and slowly beginning to pull out of the parking space. Alex’s neck was twisted to the right, checking for oncoming traffic, when he practically jumped out of his skin as he felt something wrap around him. He whipped his head around to find himself nose to nose with Nick, whose arms were already around Alex’s shoulders. Nick took a shaky breath and smashed his lips into Alex’s, pulling himself further across the armrest. Alex fumbled around for the gearstick, blindly returning the car to park before awkwardly wrapping his own arms around Nick’s back. Nick felt so small and fragile, like he was going to crumble in Alex's arms. It was a sharp contrast to the strength with which Nick was kissing Alex, his breathing heavy, his tongue pressing into Alex's mouth, one hand on Alex's back and one hand fisted in his hair.

Alex had never seen Nick like this before. He'd never gotten a chance to, before the accident had torn them apart for so long. Alex pulled Nick as close as he could, feeling his pounding heart as their chests pressed together. Nick was making soft noises now, gasping and sighing and moaning quietly. Alex couldn't help but respond with his own sounds as he kissed him back furiously. Nick's lips were chapped from the cold and being stuck behind the mask for weeks and weeks, but Alex didn't mind. He had been denied the pleasure, the warmth of Nick's breath and the taste of his lips for far too long.

"Alex," Nick breathed, finally pulling back from the kiss, pressing his forehead to Alex's. He was nearly panting, trying to catch his breath, but he was grinning from ear to ear. "I love you so much...I missed this so much."

"I love you too," Alex murmured, running his hand up and down Nick's cheek before pulling him in for another, more gentle kiss. Nick tried to deepen it the best he could, but his breathing was more shallow now, his lungs struggling to keep up. Alex sensed this and broke the kiss, helping Nick pull himself across the armrest and into Alex's lap. They stayed like that for a few moments, Nick straddling Alex's legs, Alex rubbing Nick's back as his breathing slowly came back under his control. Nick tightened his hold on Alex and laughed quietly. "What?" Alex asked.

Nick shook his head, too overwhelmed for words. "I...just...I love you. So much, schatz."

Alex giggled at the pet name. "Love you too, Nitzki," he said, running his hands up Nick's sides now. Alex continued to hold him, calming him down, until he realized they were still technically in public and their car was halfway out of the parking space. Normally he would have cared that they were making out in a place where anyone could see, but his brain was so overwhelmed with emotion that he'd lost all of his rational thoughts.

“Ready to go home, Nick?”

Nick nodded, his arms tightening around Alex as he pressed himself flush against Alex's body. "One more?" he asked shyly, ghosting his lips against Alex's.

Alex smiled and pulled Nick close, their lips gently meeting once again.

#franz ferdinand #Franzdom #ALLfanfic #illtryanythingonce

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