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fxstpace · 4 months ago

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the very first night

summary: the search for a new place to live takes a turn for the worse when the only person willing to split rent with you is your ex-boyfriend.

⇢ pairing: kim mingyu x fem!reader ⇢ genres: romance, angst, smut, exes to lovers au, roommates au ⇢ word count: 19.7k ⇢ warnings: profanity, alcohol conusmption, explicit sexual content (oral sex, fingering, protected sex) ⇢ a/n: title is the very first night by taylor swift. reposted from my old blog.

ONE

You think that all the decisions you’ve made in your life so far have all boiled down to this one moment.

Karmic retribution, if you will.

Despite the six months for which you and your ex-boyfriend have been separated, Kim Mingyu looks the same. The same floppy hair that never quite sits flat on his head—though he’s let it grow a tiny bit, and now it curls behind his ears—and the same tight-fitting black shirt you swear you tried stealing from him once. Wire-rimmed glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, and warm brown eyes that peer back at you. Pink lips which beckon you with a small, yet welcoming smile.

“Hey.” The word drags from his mouth, and he extends the last syllable for a second longer than necessary. “You’re here early.”

Shit. Even his voice sounds the same.

You heft your suitcase and place it by your feet just so you can avoid eye contact. Under different circumstances, Mingyu probably wouldn’t have let you carry your suitcase all the way up the stairs to the third floor—the elevator has been out of commission since before you even met him, and that doesn’t appear to change anytime soon. He probably would have lugged the whole thing upstairs, despite your protests and claims that you’re strong enough to do it on your own. But now, you can only sense his gaze on your figure as you place it securely on the floor.

When you straighten up, he’s still looking at you. He has an eyebrow raised and his arms crossed over his chest, but his eyes are clouded, almost as if he’s built some kind of impenetrable fortress against you. You have your walls up, too—in the slight clench of your jaw and defiant raise of your chin—and it’s something someone else wouldn’t be able to notice, but you’re sure Kim Mingyu has.

“Yeah. Um.” You attempt to smile, pray it doesn’t visibly appear as a grimace, and gesture behind you with your thumb. “The packers and movers came by pretty early, so everything ended up moving faster.”

“I see.” He purses his lips, evidently running out of things to say. (Good for you, really, because there’s nothing for you to say either.)

You take the chance to glance behind him—a feat in itself, considering how broad his shoulders are—and observe the interiors of what is going to be your home for the next year. Beige walls, the ratty sofa he bought off a garage sale, the television set he originally used to play video games on but ended up using it to watch shows instead—and a potted succulent placed in the corner. That wasn’t there before.

Before you allow your lips to tug up amusedly, Mingyu speaks again. “Is that all? When’s the rest of your stuff coming in?”

“The movers said they’d have everything ready within two days. It might take me longer to get everything sorted out, though,” you reply, aiming your gaze downwards at your suitcase.

It’s an old thing, with fraying fabric and rusty wheels, but it currently contains a fraction of your belongings: Clothes, toiletry, a small pouch where you keep items that have a special significance to you. Only the bare essentials, really. Mingyu had assured you that the room was furnished, with a bed, closet and desk. His old roommate, Minghao, had moved out but left the furniture behind because he had no reason to take them with him—not when he moved in with his girlfriend in her own apartment. All that’s left for the movers to bring over is your bookshelf, your book collection, the rest of your clothes, the Ikea drawer you and your best friend, Park Jihyo, built together, and other smaller items like your desk lamp and office chair.

“That’s okay,” Mingyu says. “Take as long as you need.”

You nod, mumbling a “thank you”, then bend down to pick up your suitcase.

Mingyu moves aside, granting you enough space to roll it across the floor and head over to the side that leads to the Minghao’s old room. Right opposite you is the doorway that leads to Mingyu’s bedroom, and further to the side is the corridor that opens into the kitchen, the small space where he keeps a dining table, and the bathroom.

In a way, you’re glad your room is situated further away from those places. Ghosts of memories linger there, ones that you can’t bear to revisit.

No, it’s better this way; you’re away from everything that you used to consider a second home. Maybe if you close the door behind you, you can pretend like you’re in some kind of void where the only things that exist are you and the bed.

“Wait, Y/N.”

You pause, feeling… something. The way he says your name, so casually, as if it’s second nature to him (it used to be) and nothing has changed at all, has you on edge—not in the good way, but not in the bad way either.

You turn around. “Yeah?”

“Um.” Your ex-boyfriend hesitates for a second. “I’m… going out for dinner with Minghao and some others, is that okay? It might be late by the time I come back.”

“Okay.” Then, feeling the need to clarify something, you say, “You—you don’t have to tell me that. We don’t… owe each other an explanation for where the other is.”

Mingyu stays quiet, and you look away, teeth worrying your bottom lip. You wonder if he’s going to say anything—or even show any kind of reaction at all.

“Right. We don’t.” His voice is toned down with a kind of uneasiness that you don’t blame him for. Heck, even you feel a twinge of hurt rise up your throat at your own words. “I’ll… let you get some rest.” He nods once, places his hands in his pockets, and walks back to his room.

Your grip on the suitcase handle tightens. Once you enter your room, you let out a pained sigh. You shut the door and turn your back to the wooden blockade that separates you from the rest of the apartment.

This is not going the way you expected—but then again, what had you expected? That everything between you and Mingyu would just vanish and you could talk to him normally without feeling that tiny pinprick of bitterness stab your chest every time you address him? You and Mingyu have a history, filled with good times and bad times, and six months spent away from each other will do nothing to erase that.

You think of what your old roommate, Jihyo, would’ve said. He’s just a boy, Y/N. Make him clean the toilet all the time so he’ll automatically get sick of you.

You smile to yourself, unlocking your phone. Jihyo is probably too busy settling down in her new home in the city she moved to, so she can’t pick up your call. You decide to send her a text message instead.

You switch to the food app, order your favourite dishes from the Indian place a couple of streets away, and toss your phone onto the bed. Kneeling, you unzip your suitcase and unpack the few items you have with you. As you move around, you can already imagine how to decorate the place, how to make it feel more like a home and less like you’re an intruder. The closet is just enough for all the clothes you own—the ones you’ve packed and the ones stored in cardboard boxes yet to arrive. The desk placed opposite to the bed is perfect for when you have to work on your laptop late at night; if you place your lamp on it, you might even forget that you’re not in your old apartment. The bed already has a mattress with clean linen on the bedspread. You place your old Looney Tunes duvet on it.

Thirty minutes later, the doorbell rings. You pause your unpacking to get the door and thank the delivery guy for the food. Mingyu has already left, judging by the lack of noise in the rest of the apartment. You just hope he doesn’t come back home drunk and shit-faced—that would definitely ruin the rest of your night, and the much-needed sleep you require.

You decide not to use the kitchen table, instead opting to take the food containers into your room, where you can eat and watch a show at the same time. It’s lonely, but at least you can have your meal somewhere comfortable.

Your phone rings with notifications. You pick it up, carefully balancing the bowl of curry on your knee.

(19:47) Jihyo: hows the apartment??? did u make mingyu clean the toilet yet?

(19:47) Mingyu: hey, i’m at a thai place. do you want anything to eat at home? i could get something packaged.

You smile at the first text, tense up at the second one, and place your phone down next to you. Not replying to either of their messages might be a bad idea, but right now, all you want is to have your spicy curry and naan in peace—your best friend and ex-boyfriend be damned.

TWO

It’s only after you move in with Mingyu that your separation from Jihyo truly sinks in. Now, there’s no one you can wake up at two in the morning because your period started and you ran out of pads, or gossip about that one campus couple who broke up in public at your favourite boba place.

Not to mention the fact that living with your ex-boyfriend is mildly awkward at best and stupidly melancholic at worst.

It’s been a week, but you and Mingyu seem to have figured out a way to work in tandem. It appears as though neither of you want to see the other—just yet, at least. He goes for a morning jog at six; your alarm rings at six. He comes back reeking of sweat at seven in the morning; you’re getting ready to leave for work by then. You do the dishes on the days he vacuums the apartment and vice versa. It leaves no room for conversation, other than the occasional greetings and small talk when you happen to cross paths.

In fact, ever since you purposefully ignored Mingyu’s text asking if you wanted anything from the Thai restaurant, he’s made a conscious effort at avoiding you.

You nearly jump out of your seat when someone taps your shoulder. “Hey.”

You turn around and meet your co-worker, Lee Seokmin’s eyes. He smiles at you, eyes curving into little crescents.

“Hi,” you say, smiling back automatically.

If there’s one person you can count on to bring a smile to your lips, even if it’s eight o’clock in the morning—at work, no less—it’s Lee Seokmin. His cheerful nature and lively personality is infectious. His happiness radiates outwards in waves that everyone gets swept up on. You might even consider yourself envious of how easily he sways everyone, with that exuberant smile and those good-natured compliments he doles out to everyone like they cost him nothing. (Which they don’t, you suppose.)

“Something on your mind?”

Your smile turns into a grimace. “You could tell?”

He gives you a little half-shrug, still smiling. “You had a weird, serious, think-y face. And before you come at me for think-y not being a real word—I’m very aware of that, thank you—it’s the best way I can describe you.”

“You chose think-y—” you bite back a chuckle— “as the best word to describe me? Come on, Seokmin, you can do better than that.”

“I can,” he agrees, “but only when the situation is appropriate.” His face turns grave, and he continues, “But seriously, Y/N. Did you have a rough night?”

His eyes roam over your face, evident concern shown in the curve of his lips and the slight dip of his eyebrows. You control your wince, wondering if the swollen bags underneath your eyes aren’t as concealed by your makeup as you thought.

Rough week, more like. But you don’t say that to him. “Something like that,” you say.

“You moved out a while back, right? How’s the new place?”

“It’s… good. Close to the supermarket and all that. Everything is within, like, a ten-metre radius, so I don’t have to go very far to get things.”

“That’s nice to hear,” Seokmin says, and you can tell he really means it. “I bet you’re tired, though, with all that packing and unpacking and moving around.”

He bends closer, the front of his loosely tucked shirt just barely touching the back of your chair. This close, you can smell the faint scent of Seokmin’s deodorant and fabric softener. He taps his finger on the arm of your chair. “Do you want to get some coffee with me?”

“Um.” You look back at your laptop and the pile of binders next to it. Seokmin seems to know what you’re thinking, because he huffs and says, “C’mon, I’m sure Seungcheol wouldn’t mind if you took a coffee break.”

“I guess,” you return, flashing him a smile when he rolls your chair backwards to give you space to stand up.

Getting up, both of you weave your way to the third floor, where the only functioning coffee maker is housed. The elevator is too crowded and busy for you to use to get down from your position on the seventh floor, so you settle for using the stairs. Throughout the ten-minute walk (which effectively turns into a fifteen-minute one, thanks to him), Seokmin waves and greets every single fellow office worker you pass by. By name.

You roll your eyes and bite your lip to hold back your laugh when a young, female intern—probably still in college by the looks of it—flushes bright red because Seokmin complimented her barrette.

He catches your eye and grins. “What’s so funny?”

You shake your head good-naturedly. “It’s nothing. Carry on with whatever you were doing.”

“What was I doing?”

“Oh, you know,” you say airily, “making everyone fall head over heels for you because you’re just so nice.”

His grin only widens. “You make it sound as though being nice is a bad thing.”

“That’s not what I meant at all,” you protest. “I’m just— Greeting every single person you see? By name? How do you even know everyone in the building?”

“I just check their ID card,” he explains, shrugging slightly. “I read this WikiHow article that said if you speak to people using their name, it creates a good impression and makes you appear more confident than you really are.”

“Really?”

Humming, Seokmin nods, before adding slyly, “I’m not sure what you mean by making everyone fall in love with me, though.”

“Please,” you snort. “You’re way too charming for your own good—and I don’t mean that in a bad way.”

“You think so?”

You can hear the smugness in his tone and you roll your eyes again. “Yes, I think so.”

“Then…” He trails off, gazing at the handrail.

Seokmin’s voice turns softer, more serious. Contemplation bleeds into his features, and when he speaks again, he lacks the bravado he had with all the other people he spoke to on your way down.

“Guess I better work on charming the right people, huh?”

You blink, but before you can digest Seokmin’s words, he gives you another bright grin before rounding the corner and striding towards the coffee machine. You follow, the need for caffeine in your system overriding your instinct to mull over what your co-worker said. Unfortunately, it seems you and Seokmin aren’t the only ones who want coffee; a long queue runs ahead of you. Your coffee break might end up taking longer than you thought.

“So,” Seokmin casually drawls, one hand in his pocket and the other fiddling with his ID card’s lanyard. “Do you want to talk about your rough night?”

“I…” You pause and consider.

Should you tell Seokmin? You trust him enough—you’ve known him for as long as you’ve been working in this company—and he’s always been friendly to you, offering you a ride home when both of you work overtime and paying for your food on the occasional visits to a café or a coffee shop. Besides, he’s the closest person you have to a friend, now that Jihyo lives in a different city and you can’t call her up whenever you feel like it. You decide to tread the waters first, only telling him the bare minimum.

“Hypothetically speaking,” you begin, “if you move in with someone you don’t like but have known for years, what would you do?”

“That’s a tough one.” He scratches his chin, pretending to think. “I guess it depends on the kind of past you share, y’know? But either way, I would try to… make peace with them, I guess. Like a ceasefire. Offer them an olive branch. Hypothetically speaking, of course.” He grins knowingly at the last bit and you shove his shoulder.

What Seokmin said makes sense. You and Mingyu are living together; your past relationship shouldn’t come in the way of talking to each other. But it does, so much more than it should. Try as hard as you might, every time you think of Kim Mingyu, the first thing that comes to your mind is all the kisses you’ve shared, the way his arms feel around you, how both of you broke the promises you made to each other—all because you were too proud and he was too stubborn.

You still are proud. For all you know, Mingyu might still be stubborn.

What a pair, you think drily.

You and Seokmin shuffle forwards. He stays silent, allowing you to process your thoughts and wonder how, exactly, you’re going to get over Mingyu and talk to him without feeling like your stomach is twisting into a million knots.

Once you reach the coffee machine, Seokmin hands you a cup. “It’s hot,” he warns, before carefully handing you the styrofoam cup filled to the brim with the bitter brew. You cautiously take a sip, wincing when you almost burn your tongue and make a face at your co-worker when he chimes, “I told you.”

The walk back to your floor doesn’t take as long as the walk down. Before you part ways, Seokmin offers you a small smile and a pat on your shoulder.

“If you’re wondering how to approach your roommate,” he says, lowering his voice, “maybe start off by offering them food. Works like a charm every time.”

Food. Yeah, you can manage that. Dinner with your ex-boyfriend.

Should be a piece of cake.

THREE

Asking Mingyu if he would like to have dinner with you is decidedly not a piece of cake.

When he comes back home from work, Mingyu has only one trajectory: Travel in a straight line from the door to his bedroom, offering you a tight smile if he sees you along the way. His bag is always slung across one shoulder and his shirt is always untucked and his hair is always a wild mess. If his appearance wasn’t achingly familiar, you would probably laugh every time you see his unruly figure.

It takes a week for you to muster up the nerve to look Mingyu in the eye, after your conversation with Seokmin. He’s been pestering you incessantly, almost exactly like Jihyo. When you told her about Seokmin’s suggestion, she had been nothing short of enthusiastic. Your phone has been blowing up constantly with texts from her, egging you on and on and on to make a move first and raise the (hypothetical) white flag.

“If you keep putting it off, you’re going to be very miserable for the rest of your immediate future,” was her reasoning when you called and spoke to her on the phone three days ago. “But also if you don’t fucking ask him to have a meal with you within the next week, I will fly over and have you both sit in a room, alone, and force you to talk.”

Both the options are pretty much the same. You didn’t have the energy to tell Jihyo that.

It’s on a Monday evening that you catch Mingyu and pop the question. A Monday evening that’s insignificant, really. Almost laughable at how normal the evening is. Mingyu unlocks the door, closes it while toeing his shoes off, and gives you the same tight smile—one where it doesn’t reach his eyes, his jaw is slightly clenched, and his lips thin into almost straight lines.

“Mingyu.” Your voice comes out breathless, like you’ve been jogging for miles before coming to a stop in front of him. He pauses, wind-ruffled hair framing his face in cloudy wisps.

“Yeah?”

“I—uh—” you force the words to tumble out of your lips, before you can overthink— “I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me?”

Mingyu purses his lips, looking at you warily. He’s careful, cautious, when he asks, “Is… there any special reason?”

You swallow. “No,” you say honestly, not allowing your eyes to tear away from his. “There isn’t. But I tried making lasagne today, and I would like to share it with someone.”

For a minute, he doesn’t say anything, only lets his bag fall into the crook of his arm. “Okay,” he says finally. “Let me just change and wash up.”

You nod, making your way to the kitchen to bring out the casserole. You’re not usually one for cooking—you prefer ordering takeout because it’s easier and they make the food better than you, anyway—but simply ordering food didn’t sit right with you. Lasagne is a dish you’ve made a few times before, and you would rather make something you’re familiar with instead of trying to whip up something new.

When you go back into the kitchen, you find Mingyu already there, bent over an open cupboard’s door as he fishes out some plates and cutlery. He’s wearing a loose white shirt and grey sweatpants, fringe falling freely over his forehead and obscuring his eyes.

“Are our regular plates okay or do we need the china ones?” he asks, still bent over.

“Why do we need china plates? Wait, why do you even have china plates with you in the first place?”

He looks over at you and shrugs. “Dunno. Minghao had a china cutlery phase, I think.”

That does sound like a phase Xu Minghao would have.

“The regular ones are fine.” You don’t want to risk breaking Minghao’s precious cutlery.

While Mingyu wipes the plates with a dishcloth, you grab two mugs and pour orange juice from the fridge into them. You take one in each hand and follow Mingyu to the kitchen table, placing both of them on either side.

“Orange juice?” Mingyu’s eyebrows are raised.

“Yeah. So?” you challenge him, raising your eyebrows as well.

But he doesn’t say anything against your choice of beverage, only shrugs and mumbles, “We should really stock up on alcohol.”

Your lips twitch. You don’t allow yourself to smile.

Instead, you pull your chair back and sit down, steepling your fingers in front of you. Mingyu piles some food onto his plate. For some reason, you feel weirdly nervous. What if it’s not as good as you think? What if he doesn’t like it?

You shake those thoughts away. This is Kim Mingyu. Even if the food was bad, he wouldn’t tell you; he would only grin, compliment your culinary skills, and continue to eat despite everything.

“Is it… good?” you ask tentatively, after he takes a forkful into his mouth and chews deliberately.

He waits until he’s swallowed before answering. “It’s great. Really good,” he affirms, and you can hear in his voice that he means it.

Well, almost.

It’s the slight dip and intonation of his tone, but it’s one you’re familiar with. You narrow your eyes at him. Mingyu continues eating, oblivious to your glare. In fact, he shovels more lasagne onto his dish and eats with more gusto, pausing every now and then to gulp down some orange juice.

“Really?” you say casually. “I’m glad. Maybe I should try some too.”

Mingyu’s reaction is so instantaneous, it’s almost comical. His eyes widen by a fraction, and he immediately reaches for the casserole. “You should definitely try some,” he says. “But it’s so good, I wanna have some more.”

You bite the inside of your cheek, watching Mingyu stuff more food into his mouth before deciding to put him out of his misery.

“Mingyu. Tell me the truth. How’s the food?”

He pauses, swallowing the food in his mouth and answering with a subdued, sheepish smile:

“It’s too salty.”

FOUR

“Why are you leaving so early?” Jihyo’s voice crackles through your phone placed on your bed.

“Seokmin said he wanted to try out the croissants at the new bakery that opened nearby,” you reply, fiddling with the buttons of your shirt. “He also said he wanted to buy a baguette so that he could whack his roommate with it. Something about going all the way to Paris to buy it but his roommate used it to hammer a nail into the wall and broke it.”

A pause, and then, “Is his roommate okay in the head?”

“Good question.” You grin at your reflection in the mirror, pat down the hair at the back of your neck, and grab your phone. “I’m heading out now. I’ll text you later.”

“’kay,” your best friend says. “Tell Mingyu I said hi.”

“I will,” you say, but you already know you’re not going to greet him on behalf of her.

Things between you and Mingyu are… still pretty much the same, honestly. After that dinner fiasco, you’ve been too embarrassed to properly address him, and he’s not made much of an effort on his part. Or maybe you’ve been consciously avoiding him so much that he doesn’t get a chance to put his foot forward. Either way, your cheeks still burn up whenever you think of that night’s dinner, so for now, hiding in your room is quite possibly the only way you can prevent yourself from catching fire completely.

Stupid logic. You’re a grown adult, with the ability to make good judgements and make decisions. Unfortunately, your decisions are mostly borderline idiotic.

Shouldering your bag, you leave your room and head to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. There’s a Post-It note stuck on the refrigerator. Peeling it off the fridge’s door, you read it curiously.

Got some cookies from Minghao’s friend’s bakery. I’ve kept them in the pantry. Enjoy! :)

Mingyu’s familiar scrawl is branded into your head, and seeing the yellow square of paper makes nostalgia bubble inside your chest like a bath bomb dropped into a bathtub filled with water. You pocket the note, and smile so widely, your cheeks hurt.

Maybe he’s put his foot forward, after all.

Seokmin is already waiting for you outside your apartment building by the time you go out. He grins at you, his eyes crinkling in the corners and teeth flashing happily.

“Hi,” you greet him. “Did you wait long?”

“No.” Your co-worker shakes his head, still smiling. “I just got here, actually.”

“I’m glad.” You return his smile. “Should we head out?”

Seokmin nods. “Of course,” he says, and you fall into step with him.

He has a never-ending list of topics to talk to you about—and for the most part, you’re glad that he’s so outgoing. In twenty minutes, you’ve learnt almost everything there is to know about his roommate, Jeonghan, his older sister, his fear of ladybugs (you snort out loud at that particular anecdote), and his favourite anime (Haikyu!! and One Piece). In return, you tell him about that time you and Jihyo accidentally walked into the wrong restroom at a bar, and how you got dumped by your high school crush because he thought you were better than him at playing basketball.

It’s comfortable. Talking to Seokmin always is.

But you still don’t talk about Mingyu. You try hard to stop thinking of him, but he’s always there at the back of your mind, an unopened gift that you don’t unwrap.

Finally, you and Seokmin round a corner and find yourselves standing in front of the just-opened bakery. The scent of vanilla and cinnamon wafts through the open door. An array of different types of breads and other desserts is placed carefully on a display at the counter, and the owner greets you with a welcoming smile.

“What do you want to have?” Seokmin asks, holding your elbow and leading you in.

You eye the basket of croissants. The buttery confection looks delicious, but so does the tray of muffins placed next to it. And the bagels placed beside the muffins. “I can’t decide.”

“How about one of everything?”

You glance at him to see if he’s joking, but Seokmin looks completely serious. “You’re kidding, right?” you say, grabbing his arm. “There’s no way I’m going to let you buy one of everything in this store!”

“I would,” Seokmin admits, a flush creeping up his neck, “if you asked me to.”

You groan. “Seokmin. Please don’t.”

“Alright, alright.” He raises his hands in defeat. “I’m just saying, if you wanted me to—”

“One croissant, please,” you interrupt, addressing the owner. “To go. And he will have…”

“Make that two croissants,” Seokmin finishes. “I’ll have whatever the lady’s having.”

“How gentlemanly of you.”

“I know.”

Seokmin pays for his croissant, and you pay for yours. The owner wraps them up and hands them to you, asking you to visit again. Once you exit, you unwrap yours and take a small bite. The bread is soft and melts in your mouth, leaving a sweet aftertaste. You take another bite, and it’s only then that you notice Seokmin looking at you, a corner of his lips turned upwards in a crooked smile and one hand in his pocket.

“What?” you ask, suddenly self-conscious. “Do I have crumbs on my face?”

“No,” he replies. “I just… I would really love to do this again, Y/N.”

Oh.

Seokmin looks at you so hopefully. Like he’s been waiting for this opportunity for a long time. Like he needs to get something off his chest. Like he never wants this moment to end.

“...I’d like that, too,” you say.

Somehow, the words leave a bitter taste in your mouth, one that even another mouthful of the sweet snack can’t erase.

FIVE

It’s getting late, and yet Kim Mingyu is hellbent on getting you to keep him company. The worst part is that it’s working—though you would never admit that to him.

Being friends with your ex isn’t that uncommon. You and Mingyu can be friends. But how long are you willing to put up with this ruse before it all blows up in your faces? Friendship between two people who used to date isn’t that much of a big deal—but that’s just it, isn’t it? You and Mingyu weren’t just two people who used to date.

How did you even let him talk you into spending time with him? Or maybe that’s all on you; you’ve never been able to say no to him. One minute you’re looking at his face and remembering the lasagne gone wrong, the next he’s asking if you want to watch a movie with him. Except neither of you have updated your Netflix subscription, so this was a bad idea all along.

Maybe talking to Mingyu is a bad idea.

Maybe you should go back to your old ways, locking yourself up in your room and only acknowledging his presence when you happen to cross paths.

But the socialite in you nags, what if he thinks you’re some kind of hermit who only comes out to eat and drink? Besides, he’s here now, right next to you on the sofa—keeping a respectable distance between your bodies—as he watches a rerun of America’s Next Top Model because it was the least shitty thing playing on all the channels you scrounged through fifteen minutes ago.

Normally, you would be elated at the idea of poking fun at random reality shows, expressing your exasperation at the poorly-written scripted drama and the even worse acting. But even if the showoff between two aspiring models both named Jessica and sporting the same colour of fake tan and bleached blonde hair was somewhat interesting, you find your gaze keeps wandering to your ex-boyfriend.

You trace the contours of his face with your eyes—the cheekbones that jut out only slightly, the furrow created on his forehead as his eyebrows kiss, the way his honey-brown eyes stare at the screen in front of him with a focused intensity. Even the way his lips curve ever-so slightly upwards, despite him pressing them together, has you recalling just how soft they felt against your own.

His warm, soft skin. The prominent collarbone that you used to press small kisses to whenever you wanted to get his attention. The moles scattered all over his body, creating a canvas for you to paint on by tracing them with your fingers. The flex of his fingers as he bunches them into a loose fist.

Everything about him is so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time.

Even this semblance of friendship that has bridged the drawn-out distance between you both feels strange—as though somewhere in the back of your subconscious, you recognise that this camaraderie is either a really good thing or could go extremely wrong. You’re in the middle of that bridge, trying your best not to lean too much to the right or to the left, but even a slight misstep could lead to everything going downhill.

“Are you rooting for Jessice H. or Jessica C.?”

“Huh?” You blink, escaping your haze of thoughts. “I’m sorry—which one is which?”

Mingyu glances at you with a deadpan expression. “We’ve been watching them trying to one up each other for the past ten minutes.”

“Sorry.” You smile sheepishly. “Both of them look the same to me.”

“Fair enough,” he acquiesces, before returning his focus to the show. “It’s the fake tan, isn’t it? Although the hair is similar too… No wonder they’ve been arguing about who put on their mascara better—it looks identical.”

You play along. “Or maybe it’s the supposed Gucci belts. I had no idea Gucci made handbags with fake crocodile skin.”

“The more you know…”

You laugh at that, and Mingyu looks at you—really looks, the same way he used to when you made a bad joke and giggled at it yourself. He looks at you with adoration written all over his face, in the upward twist of his lips and the crinkling in the corners of his eyes.

You clamp your mouth shut immediately, feeling a sense of nostalgia, longing and wistfulness seep into your skin, through your flesh and settle deep into your bones.

Too much. It’s too much, and it’s way too early, and you don’t want to dwell on anything at the moment. So you do what you do best: You hide.

You tear your gaze off him and rub your palms on your old jeans. You hear Mingyu’s sharp intake of breath, but you force yourself not to look, not to think about him.

“Hey, uh—I was supposed to call Jihyo right now,” you lie, and even you think it sounds lame coming out of your mouth, so there’s no way Mingyu can’t see through it.

“Y/N,” is all he says.

You hate the way your chest clenches—just because he said your name—but what can you do? Escape the situation and never bring up the obvious elephant in the room?

Yeah. That’s exactly what you do. Making decisions isn’t your forte, but you’ll deal with the consequences of your actions later. Much, much later, if you can avoid it for as long as you’re living here.

You get up and make a beeline for your room, and Kim Mingyu doesn’t say anything to make you stop.

SIX

Whenever you faltered, Jihyo was your voice of reason. She would help you back to your feet, give you a solid nudge on your shoulder and list out the pros and cons of everything, allowing you to formulate your own opinion and come to a decision.

She isn’t being very helpful right now.

“Think about it,” she reasons. “Before, he was your ex. Now, he’s the guy you live with. You have to talk to him, no matter what.”

She’s right. She knows you know she’s right. You still refuse to acknowledge it, because pride comes before a fall, but you haven’t fallen yet. It’s more like you’re dangling off the precipice.

“How’s Jaehyun?” you say instead, referring to the guy she’s been crushing on ever since she moved to the new city.

Jihyo lets out an unimpressed sigh, the grainy image of her face on your phone screen contorting slightly. “Don’t think you’re being super smart by changing the topic, Y/N. And he’s fine. We went out for boba the other day.”

“Yeah?” You play with the fraying edge of the duvet thrown over your body. “That’s nice.”

Jihyo hums, pushing some of her hair behind her ear. “And then he asked if we could hook up.”

You guffaw. “Really?”

“Yeah.” She nods vigorously, affirming her statement. “I said no, obviously.”

“Why? Afraid he’s too much to handle?”

“Please,” your best friend snorts. “Have you seen him? I think I’m too much for him to handle. He couldn’t even pay for the boba without tearing his pocket because he was too enthusiastic in getting his wallet out.”

You smile thinly. Jihyo might be poking fun at the man, but you can tell from the twinkle in her eyes and the way her voice is filled with infectious joy that she’s enamoured by him. You wish you could meet him in person. Instead, you have to settle for checking out his Instagram profile.

“Anyway,” she continues, stifling a yawn, “it’s late and I have to head out tomorrow. I’ll call you later.”

“Okay,” you say. “Good night. Don’t dream of Jaehyun.”

She flips her middle finger at you and you roll your eyes, pressing the end button. Just when you’re about to fluff your pillow so you can lie down, you hear a knock on your door.

“Y/N?” Mingyu sounds remarkably active, considering the fact that it’s currently fifteen minutes past midnight. “Are you awake?”

Curiosity compels you to answer honestly, “Yeah. Is everything okay?”

You tread over to the door, swinging it open. Mingyu is in his sweatpants—a pair you know he only wears for bed—and a loose graphic T-shirt. You’re wearing pretty much the same attire, except your shirt is an old one, worn-out from your high school days, and it doesn't fit you that well anymore. You tug the hem over your hips consciously.

“Yeah,” he says, nodding. “Yeah, everything’s okay. I was just…” He pauses, raising a hand and ruffling his hair. “Do you wanna get some ice cream?”

Of all possible things you expected Mingyu to ask you, this certainly wasn’t one of them. You blink, bemused.

“Or—or we don’t have to,” he backtracks, when you don’t say anything immediately. “I was just craving something sweet, that’s all—”

“Okay,” you say, surprising yourself with your answer. Mingyu is trying to extend the olive branch you placed in between you both, and you have to appreciate that. Regardless of your personal feelings. Besides, Jihyo was right—he’s the guy you live with, and you need to be able to spend time with him. As friends. Nothing more.

“Okay.” He exhales, relieved. “It’s right across the street.”

“I think I know the one you’re talking about.”

The ice cream parlour is a ten-minute walk from your apartment, but walking with Mingyu makes time fly. He says something about mint chocolate being an underrated flavour, and you insinuate that it deserves to be, and just like that, conversation flows between you both as though your past is some kind of a fever dream.

Where Seokmin is a bright ray of sunshine lighting up your way on a cloudy day, Mingyu is moonlight, skittering over your figure and providing solace in the dark. Seokmin is infectious laughter and gleeful smiles; Mingyu is whispered jokes and shared silence.

Perhaps it’s those very qualities that made you fall so hard for the man next to you. You know for sure it’s those very qualities that still have you in his grip, even though he doesn’t know it. Maybe that’s why talking to him is awkward—because how do you move on from someone who captured your heart and kept it for safe-keeping but know that there’s one big, gaping hole in your chest where his heart is supposed to be? Even now, a small part of you belongs to Mingyu, like a little token which he’s kept locked up and hidden the key.

Six months is a long time, but neither you nor Mingyu seems to be able to bring up what happened. Maybe it’s for the best, you think. You would rather have a small bit of this domesticity that feels familiar than have everything blow up in your face because of the harsh words you exchanged.

You ignore the tightening in your chest and focus on the warmth pooling in your stomach when Mingyu grins and offers you a chance to redeem yourself when it comes to good ice cream flavours. You say mint chocolate is tolerable, but only because Mingyu likes it.

SEVEN

Seokmin drops by your cubicle almost every day now. He offers to drop you back home, too.

Each time, you smile but decline politely. You still feel guilty about saying that you would like to spend more time with him as well—but in your defence, you didn’t really lie; you do want to spend more time with him, but only as a friend. Seokmin didn’t specify how exactly he wants to go out with you.

It’s getting harder to say no, however. Seokmin is everything if not persistent, and his determination to take you out has you crumbling under his forlorn gaze and pleading words.

He doesn’t make your heart beat faster, or make butterflies erupt inside your belly. Being with Seokmin doesn’t come with bright fireworks or flashy songs. It’s finding the extraordinary in the mundane, and laughing yourselves silly over jokes that aren’t even that funny.

So. It’s not Mingyu, but Seokmin is nice and friendly and stable, and you think you can fall for him. You and Mingyu aren’t going to cross the threshold of friends ever again, anyway. There’s nothing stopping you from going out with Seokmin.

“Okay,” you say when he asks you again, a half-resigned look on his face when he assumes you’ll just say no again.

The way his expression morphs to elation is worth it, you think. He surges forward, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you in for a tight hug. “Thank you,” he whispers into your ear, and the joy he feels is infectious—as most good things with Seokmin are—so it’s no surprise that your cheeks are already hurting from smiling too hard.

When you update Jihyo about the latest turn of events, she tuts disapprovingly and says, “Have you told Mingyu?”

“No,” you say, feeling defensive. “I don’t have to tell him, do I?”

Your best friend waits for a beat. “You don’t, I guess.”

Mingyu interrupts your call then, and you quickly tell Jihyo you’ll text her later. He stands in the living room, holding up a pair of button down shirts, one in each hand, forehead creased and mouth downturned.

You lean against your doorway, amused. “You called?”

His face clears as he looks at you, tongue poking the inside of his cheek. “I have this work event I need to attend tomorrow, but I don’t know what to wear.”

You observe the shirts he’s holding up. One is cream in colour, long-sleeved and ironed neatly. The other is black, with a thin white stripe along the collar and sleeves.

“The black one,” you say immediately. And then feel your cheeks heat up with your quick answer. In your defence, Kim Mingyu has always looked alarmingly handsome in black. Objectively speaking.

“I haven’t worn this one in a long time.” He brings it close to his face, squinting at it. “It probably stinks.”

“Smell it, then,” you say, chuckling at the mortified look on Mingyu’s face. “What? You’re telling me you’ve never worn your underwear inside out because you forgot to do the laundry? This isn’t that different.”

“I have never done anything of the sort.” He sniffs petulantly at you, before his eyes narrow. “Wait. Does that mean you’ve worn your underwear inside out?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Gross. I thought you knew me better than that.”

Mingyu tenses up at your offhand comment, and you look down, wondering why that even slipped out of your mouth in the first place. Of course you screw everything up just when things are going decently well.

“I do,” he mumbles. “I do know you better than that.” When you look at him, he has a wan smile on his lips. “Which is why I’m going to trust your judgement and wear the black shirt. Even if it’s musty from sitting in the back of my closet for so long.”

“Oh, shut up,” you huff, walking over to him and grabbing the cloth out of his hand. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”

He only raises a single eyebrow at you.

That’s what prompts you to sniff at it. At his goddamn shirt. Like you’re one of those police dogs they use to find missing people.

It… doesn’t smell unpleasant. A little bit musty, like Mingyu said, but that can be attributed to him not wearing it often. Mostly, it smells of faint fabric softener and deodorant—and underneath it all, a scent that is solely Mingyu’s. (Pine and citrus and lavender, all mixed together, in a way that only Mingyu can pull off.)

“It smells fine,” you say, shoving it into Mingyu’s chest. “You’re being dramatic.”

“I’m not the one who grabbed it and shoved my face into it,” he says, “so who’s the real dramatic one here?”

“I didn’t shove my face into it!” You swat at his shoulder, but he laughs and dodges, eyes twinkling with playfulness.

“If you say so,” he returns, still chuckling to himself.

“When is this event?”

“Tomorrow evening,” he answers.

“Both of us won’t be at home then,” you say, and he raises an eyebrow. “I… have a date tomorrow,” you explain, and regret it almost instantly. Why are you even telling him that? He doesn’t need to know.

“Oh,” is all he says, followed by a quieter, “Have fun.”

EIGHT

Seokmin picks you up at exactly six o’clock, wearing a loose button down shirt and slacks, and his hair styled carefully. He perks up as soon as you wave at him, jogging over to you with a smile.

“Hey,” he greets you. “You look good.”

You return his smile, tugging at the edge of your blouse and smoothing out your skirt. “Thank you. So do you.”

Seokmin’s grin brightens, which you didn’t even think was possible. “Thanks,” he says, and then gently takes hold of your elbow. “So… the plan for today is to take you out for dinner, and then a movie. How does that sound?”

“It sounds… good,” you say, letting him lead the way. It’s basic, yes, but you’re a firm believer in clichés—there’s a reason they become popular, after all.

He doesn’t stop talking, and neither do you. Throughout the entire half an hour dinner in some hole-in-the-wall diner that Seokmin discovered a month ago and serves the best blue lemonade mojitos you’ve ever tasted, and the entire two hour movie that’s way too boring for you to focus on the screen anyway, you and your co-worker keep up an endless stream of banter and silly anecdotes and you find yourself enjoying it more than you thought you would.

It’s refreshing, and when you and Seokmin finally make the walk back to your apartment, you find it difficult to let go of his hand. He pulls you to a stop in front of the building, rubbing his thumb gently across the back of your hand.

His smile is as bright as ever, albeit tinged with slight disappointment. “So. I’ll see you on Monday, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you confirm, nodding. “Thank you for today, Seokmin. I had a lot of fun.”

“Me too,” he returns. “Listen, I—”

He’s interrupted by someone stumbling across the sidewalk—not someone, you realise. It’s two people, tightly coiled around each other in a manner that is entirely indecent for the public eye. But as they trip around one another—still holding each other tightly—your heart sinks deep into the pit of your stomach.

One of them is Mingyu.

The other person is some girl, hair falling loosely across her face, Mingyu’s fingers tangled into her tresses, while his other hand bunches up the material of her dress at her waist. They kiss and kiss and kiss, and you don’t tear your eyes away until Seokmin makes a noise of disgust.

He turns around, blocking your view of them and takes both your hands in his. “I… I’ll call you. Okay?”

You nod numbly. “Okay.”

Seokmin leaves with a bright smile and a lingering kiss on your cheek. You plaster a smile onto your lips until he moves out of your line of sight, after which you begin the arduous trek back to your—Mingyu’s—apartment. Normally, the three floors you climb aren’t much of a strenuous task; tonight, however, every step you take makes you feel like your legs are made of lead.

You fumble in your purse for your key, the image of Mingyu kissing that girl not leaving your mind. It’s not supposed to hurt, you’re not supposed to be bothered by it. But it stings, like the biting cold on a freezing winter morning, making your fingers stiff and your ears chilly.

You hear footsteps right when you twist the key into the lock.

The last thing you see before you enter the apartment is Mingyu clambering up the staircase, clearly drunk but surprisingly upright. He has a lipstick stain leading from the corner of his mouth to his cheek, his hair is tousled—no doubt from someone running their hands through his silky locks—and his shirt is untucked and wrinkled.

He opens his mouth to say something, but you grab the door handle and step inside, because the last thing you want to confront is the fact that your feelings for Kim Mingyu might not be as forgotten as you believe.

Which is fine, all things considered, except Kim Mingyu doesn’t give a damn.

You let the door slam shut behind you before Mingyu can get in. Technically, it’s his house. Technically, he’s the one who has the right to lock you out.

Technically, you’re acting like a child throwing a tantrum, and technically, Mingyu is allowed to kiss whomever the fuck he wants.

You wish Jihyo was here. She would ground you, make you see everything calmly and rationally. But she’s been having boy problems of her own (Jeong Jaehyun, who is decidedly not as romantic as Jihyo was led to believe), and the last thing you want is to dump your boy problems on her.

Besides, it’s no big deal. Right?

Mingyu lives here. He should have his own copy of the keys. He’s also drunk. (Drunk and half-laid, your mind helpfully reminds.)

Before you start overthinking about letting the door close behind you, you decide that what you really need is a warm shower. So you let your feet lead you to the bathroom directly, and don’t allow thoughts of ex-boyfriends and overly friendly co-workers to enter your brain.

You don’t hear the sound of keys turning in the lock the entire night, but you shove down the guilt that bubbles up your throat. It’s Mingyu’s fault for not carrying them with him wherever he goes; you’re not his caretaker, anyway.

Your phone pings with a text message from Seokmin, and you pick it up.

(19:47) Seokmin: I had a great time today. Thanks for coming with me :)

Despite the fact that you only have a towel wrapped around your body, and the fact that your hair is dripping wet, you feel a tingling warmth creep up your chest.

NINE

Monday is a horrible day.

You woke up half an hour later than usual, which led to you rushing through your morning routine. Your clothes aren’t ironed, which is fine usually, but the shirt you pick doesn’t tuck in quite right and you don’t have the time to change it. You almost tripped over the curb in your rush to get to work and nearly spilled a cup of coffee—which is far too sweet for your liking, due to the dollop of sugar you added by accident—all over yourself. Your manager, Choi Seungcheol, doesn’t approve of the project portfolio you compiled, and the deadline is fast approaching, which means more late nights for you.

And to top it all off, your car engine won’t fucking start.

You’re really not in the mood for Seokmin and his exuberant enthusiasm, which is something he probably catches onto, considering the fact that he stands silently next to you, waiting for you to finish cursing the piece of metal you call a car. Once you’re done resisting the urge to burn down the automobile, Seokmin places a placating hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, training a concerned gaze over your figure. “I can drop you back home.”

“No, it’s fine,” you mutter sullenly. “I’ll just call a cab or something.”

“Y/N, please. It’s no trouble.” He pauses, and you glance at him, at the sympathetic crease of his forehead and the genuinity reflected in his eyes. It’s touching, and Seokmin flashes you a small smile. “I was gonna head over that way anyway—I wanted to get some stuff from that bakery we went to.”

“I—” You hesitate, and he takes the chance to slide in.

“You call the mechanic. I’ll wait for you in my car, okay?”

He scurries away, leaving you biting your lip and staring at your phone. You should probably call Mingyu; he can help. Knowing him, he would probably want to help, regardless of who was asking him. Instead, you search up the nearest mechanic shop and dial in their number, giving them the details of where you are. They arrive a couple of minutes later, and you watch as they hook your car onto their big tow truck and drive away.

Seokmin waves you over to his car, a sleek Hyundai that's probably a few years old but still looks brand new. He opens the door to the passenger seat with a smile before grabbing the stack of folders you had kept clutched to your chest. You let him take them. You’re far too tired to argue.

Briefly, your mind wanders to Mingyu—what he would do if you had told him. Probably run all the way here, your brain supplies, prompting a wry smile to form on your lips. You press them together when you think of Mingyu with that girl immediately afterwards.

The drive to your house is silent, only the rumble of Seokmin’s car and the soft noise of some interview playing on the radio filling the silence. He pulls to a stop near your apartment, bundles up your work folders in his arms and gestures for you to lead the way to your flat.

The door swings open before you get the chance to pull out your key. Mingyu stands opposite you, dishevelled—just woken up from a nap, it seems. His mouth parts when he sees Seokmin standing behind you.

“Who’s this?” he asks by way of greeting.

You shift uncomfortably, wanting to say something, but the words stick to your throat like you’ve swallowed chewing gum. Seokmin reaches out from next to you, and you don’t need to see him to know he’s positively beaming.

“Hi, I’m Seokmin,” he says. “I work with Y/N.”

Mingyu shakes his hand, eyes roaming quizzically between you and Seokmin. “Nice to meet you,” he says distractedly. “I’m Mingyu, Y/N’s… roommate. And ex—”

“Come on in, Seokmin.” You glare at Mingyu. He only raises an eyebrow in retaliation. Seokmin coughs slightly, blows out a puff of air, and follows you inside.

“You can just…” You wave your hand around vaguely. Gritting your teeth does nothing to bring you out of your haze. It only exacerbates it.

“Did something happen?” Mingyu moves aside, but you feel his eyes on the back of your neck.

“Y/N’s car broke down,” Seokmin supplies. “It’s at the mechanic’s right now, so I offered to drop her back home.”

“I see.” His next statement is directed at you. “You could’ve called me. I would have come.”

It’s only then that you turn around and face him. He doesn’t move, gaze locked unwaveringly on your hunched-over figure. It’s almost like he’s challenging you to say something.

“I know that,” is all you say, voice low.

Mingyu nods. “Good.”

You avert your attention to Seokmin. He appears lost, gaping at both of you as though he can’t quite catch onto what’s going on. “Let’s go to my room, Seokmin. You can leave my stuff there.”

“Okay.” Seokmin nods, giving Mingyu a hesitant smile. “It was nice meeting you, Mingyu.”

“You too.”

It’s a tiny exchange, but it’s enough to cause a fissure inside your heart. Seokmin is always so nice. He gives out niceness like he’s handing out free candy to toddlers. The only time you’ve ever seen him get remotely angry was when another co-worker of yours forgot a pen drive containing a crucial presentation to an important client—even then, all he did was level a glare at her before calmly asking for a backup drive to be brought.

Mingyu, on the other hand, is like a burning ember. Calm one minute, and angry the next—and it’s the reason you love him, but it’s also the reason you broke things off. You and Mingyu are far too similar, hot-headed and careless to a fault, like two candle flames competing to see who can burn their wick the fastest. You didn’t burn the wick. You ended up burning each other instead. Let it not be said that playing with fire isn’t one of your specialties.

Seokmin lets out a breath that sounds like a huff and a sigh simultaneously as soon as he enters your room. “You can leave the stuff here,” you say, pointing at your desk.

He obliges, carefully placing the stack on the table. “That’s your roommate, huh? Y’know, when you said that you were living with someone you didn’t like, I didn’t think you meant your ex-boyfriend.”

You look away, biting the inside of your cheek. “It’s… difficult. I needed a place to live and he was the only person who offered on short notice. It just happened.”

Seokmin nods understandingly, lips pursed in thought. “He seems like a nice guy.”

“He is,” you agree. “One of the nicest people I know.”

“Yeah?” Your co-worker lifts one corner of his lips in an amused half-smile. “What does that make me?”

The answer is on the tip of your tongue. You know Seokmin is expecting it. Hell, you’re expecting the words to just come out. The nicest guy of them all. That’s all you have to say.

“You’re… Lee Seokmin.”

The words are flat on your tongue. Seokmin’s expression falls—just the tiniest bit, a crack in the foundation—but you feel a terrible weight in your stomach, pulling you down, down, down until your head sinks below the surface of the metaphorical waves and the water erases your existence.

Seokmin is a nice guy—you know that, and you’ve reiterated it so many times. The only thing stopping you from being in a proper relationship with him is your ex-boyfriend, only separated from you by a wooden door and cement walls. Mingyu doesn’t like you anymore, not in the way he used to, and it’s clearly time for you to stop dwelling on what you had.

You swallow, looking at Seokmin directly. “And…” You take a step closer to him. “I consider myself lucky to have met you.”

Seokmin looks at you, his gaze unsteady, but he takes one of your hands in his. “Yeah?” His throat bobs when he speaks, and that’s how you know he’s nervous.

“Yeah,” you confirm, letting his fingers slip in between yours.

He shuffles closer to you, and you can smell his woody cologne intermingled with sweat. You can count the moles on his face, see your reflection in his pupils.

“Y/N, I really want to kiss—”

There’s a knock on your door, and you and Seokmin jump away from each other like a pair of schoolchildren getting caught doing something you’re not supposed to. Seokmin looks down at his feet; you clear your throat before letting out a hoarse, “Yes?”

“You left your phone outside,” Mingyu calls. “The mechanic just called.”

“Oh, um. I’ll be right there.” You turn back to Seokmin, cheeks burning with embarrassment. Of all possible times for Mingyu to be a cockblocker, why now? “S-sorry about that.”

“No, it’s—you’re fine,” he stammers out, clearly as out of it as you are. “I should probably leave too, I still need to stop by the bakery.”

“Oh, yeah!” you say. “I forgot. Do you want me to come with you?”

“It’s alright,” he says. “It’s getting dark outside and you need to get some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow, ‘kay?”

“Okay,” you murmur. “Thank you for today, Seokmin. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Cursed your car to oblivion, probably,” he teases.

You flush, heat creeping up the back of your neck and ears. “That—you didn’t have to see that.”

“I thought it was cute,” he returns easily, corners of his lips twitching.

Against your will, your lips twitch upwards too. “Okay, okay, I get it.”

Seokmin opens your door, and you follow him out of your room. He gives Mingyu a grin, says, “See you around,” and lets you close the door behind him.

Mingyu crosses his arms over his chest. You glance at him. His eyebrows are knotted together, lips pressed into a stoic line. You bite the inside of your cheek, suddenly feeling awkward.

“Hey,” he begins, voice soft, “is that… your boyfriend?”

You raise your eyebrows. “Does it matter?”

He huffs, shifting from one foot to the other. “Yes—no. No, it doesn’t matter. I was just curious, okay?”

You open your mouth, then close it, at a loss for words. Are you and Seokmin together? Not really. Both of you haven’t done or said anything to define your relationship—if there is one in the romantic sense, at least. Seokmin wanted to kiss you, but Mingyu interrupted before anything could even happen—it’s your irritation at the day being shitty, and Mingyu being an asshole after everything he did that makes you roll your eyes at him and snap at him. “It’s none of your business.”

Mingyu’s face turns stony, a hardness to his features that you’ve only seen a few times before—it was directed at you the last time, too. “Okay. Fine. Sorry I asked.”

“Are you?” you retort, and before he can say anything to retaliate, you storm back into your room and lock the door.

Your heart feels like it’s been split into two, one half yearning for the comfort and familiarity that comes with still liking Mingyu, and the other excited to explore what Seokmin could offer you—and what he already has offered. But for now, you decide to get some sleep. Your heart can wait.

TEN

Jihyo is back.

Jihyo is fucking back, and she’s standing in your—Mingyu’s—living room, arms wide open and a grin on her lips so wide, her eyes crinkle in the corners. It takes all of your willpower not to launch yourself into her arms. Instead, you slow down, toe your shoes off, let your bag drop to the floor, and then launch yourself into her arms.

She laughs at your overzealous demeanour, and you giggle into her hair. God, you’d missed her. Texting every day and video calling every weekend can only do so much, and it’s nothing compared to seeing her in person.

“Hi,” she says, pulling back enough to escape your cage-like hold around her body.

“Hi,” you greet back, smiling so wide and so hard, you can feel your ears pop. “You’re back.”

“I’m back.” She confirms your statement by nodding. “Only for a week, though.”

“Ah.”

Your best friend lets out a sheepish chuckle, and you take a step back. Her suitcase is on the floor next to her, and she’s kept her backpack on the sofa. “Are you gonna stay here?” you ask.

She winces. “No, there isn’t much space here. I booked a room at a hotel nearby. It’s, like, ten minutes by walk from here and it’s not very expensive either,” she assures.

“Okay,” you say, a little deflated. If Jihyo stayed with you, at least the awkwardness between you and Mingyu might be reduced by a small fraction. Her overbearing nature and ability to make conversation with literally anyone would be a lifesaver, given the situation you’ve dug yourself into.

A situation that she knows nothing about.

You haven’t had the time to keep Jihyo updated about the latest turn of events—not when she was busy juggling a relationship with her sort-of boyfriend, Jeong Jaehyun. She doesn’t know about Seokmin, and she doesn’t know about your lingering feelings for Mingyu.

“Hey, you’re back already.”

Speak of the devil.

You turn around and find Mingyu leaning against the doorway, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans. You feel your breath hitch. He continues, “I guess Jihyo already beat me to it, huh?”

“You knew she was coming?” you ask him, almost accusatory.

“You didn’t tell her?” Jihyo echos, a curious tinge to her tone.

He lifts his shoulder in a half-shrug, lips twitching with the beginnings of a smile. “Wanted to surprise you, that’s all.”

Against your will, you find yourself grinning at him. Mingyu dissolves in the slightest—a small hint of surprise—before he grins back at you, teeth flashing and eyes crinkling. Jihyo lets out a small huff from next to you, but you know nothing can put a damper on your mood right now. Not even your resurfaced feelings for Mingyu, nor your newfound ones for Seokmin.

Your best friend squeezes your arm. “I have some time before I need to check in at the hotel. Do you wanna check out our old place?”

You turn to her and nod. The prospect of going back to the place where you created cherished memories with someone so dear to you is enticing; then you remember your car is still at the mechanic’s. “My car is out of commission.”

Jihyo only turns and stares at Mingyu. He sighs resignedly, pushing himself off the doorway and heading inside his room. “Let me grab my keys.”

“Might as well stop for ice cream along the way,” Jihyo calls out gleefully to his retreating back.

You gulp. This… might not be a good idea. If Mingyu tags along with you, this would be the first time since last week where you’re speaking to him normally, making conversation that isn’t just along the lines of “Did you do the laundry?” or “I bought some vegetables”. Of course, if you told Jihyo what happened, she would immediately make sure Mingyu doesn’t come. You chew on your bottom lip, but before you can come to a decision, Mingyu emerges from his bedroom, car keys dangling off his fingers.

“Ready?” he asks.

Jihyo grabs onto your arm, excitement so visible on her face that it prompts the tension in your own features to melt away. You let yourself get carried away by her giddiness, not noticing the fond glances the only male in the group keeps giving you whenever he’s sure you’re not looking. If you’d met his eyes once throughout the drive to your old place, you’d see the way his eyes still twinkle at you with the same intensity as they did months ago, but you’re too busy catching up with Jihyo to notice.

Mingyu pulls to a stop in front of your old apartment building—a dilapidated structure that’s not half as modern as the current building you stay in. At least the elevator is still functioning; you purse your lips to contain your laugh when Mingyu looks at it, eyebrows raised in visible astonishment. Jihyo grips your hand tightly when you reach your floor. You tighten your hold on her hand as well, feeling a sudden burst of emotion erupt inside your chest like lava escaping from a volcano.

You and Jihyo round the corner to the apartment that used to be yours, Mingyu following closely. The door is the same dull brown it was back then as well, but someone has put in the effort to redo the varnish. There’s a potted fern next to it as well.

You let out a shuddering breath. Jihyo wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you close; you aren’t sure if it’s just the wind rattling through the open window, but you hear something like a sniffle.

This is the place you lived in when you had your first boyfriend, when you had your first heartbreak, when you cried your lungs out at some stupid TV show that you were invested in at the time but can’t possibly remember the name of now. This is the place where you and Jihyo bonded over crappy supermarket deals and made a mess of the kitchen whenever you tried to learn how to cook something new.

This is the place where you first met Kim Mingyu.

You tilt your head at him, watch as he stares resolutely ahead of him, like if glares at it strongly enough, he can bore two holes straight through the wood. Eventually, his eyes land on yours.

His lips part but no words come out. He offers you a small smile instead, one so tender and heart-warming and achingly familiar. You blink, and the moment is gone. You’re left with the same sense of wistfulness and longing that you always feel around him.

Jihyo squeezes your shoulder, eyes shining. “Should we ring the bell?” she asks, and then presses the doorbell before you can respond.

A muffled “Coming!” from inside, and the latch is pulled open to reveal a college student—a few years younger than you, perhaps, with sleep bags underneath his eyes and a cup of coffee clutched to his chest. He looks confused—as anyone would be, you suppose, when you see a random bunch of strangers standing on your doorstep—but his expression clears when Jihyo explains who you are and why you’re here.

He says he’s living here with his boyfriend and their pet cat—a beautiful Siberian who coils itself around his legs, tail upturned—and you feel your heart swell with the knowledge that your old haven is being taken care of well. Jihyo consistently badgers him with questions and he answers each one patiently, to his credit.

A flicker of uncertainty crosses your mind, however. Does Mingyu not remember this? He was looking for apartments in this building, too, when you met him. Doesn’t he remember the old landlady conversing with you? Doesn’t he remember the way people constantly asked if you two were together, which is what even prompted him to ask for your number in the first place?

You’re shaken out of your thoughts when you feel a slight pressure on your shoulder. Mingyu’s hand is on your shoulder. Your gaze flits over to him.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, ducking his head. “There was a mosquito.”

He’s lying.

He remembers.

ELEVEN

“Spill.”

“The… tea?” you ask cautiously, looking at Jihyo. She’s holding a steaming mug of tea in her hand.

“You think you’re so funny.” She rolls her eyes.

“I know I am,” you quip, and she rolls her eyes again, taking a sip of the beverage.

“You’ve been distracted since yesterday,” she states matter-of-factly. “Since we went to our old place.” Her voice quietens, “Is it Mingyu? Did he do something?”

You eye her warily, sitting down on the plush armchair opposite her. “No,” you say.

“Then what is it? Did—did you not want me here?”

“No.” You’re quick to alleviate her concerns. “Of fucking course I wanted you here. I missed you. So much.”

Your best friend smiles at that, swirling the tea in the mug. “But something’s bothering you.”

“...Yes.” You admit it slowly, playing with your fingers splayed out on your lap. “It’s not important. You’re here only for a few days, we should do something fun.”

“Y/N,” Jihyo says slowly, enunciating every syllable of your name like she’s speaking to a troublesome child, “if you’re worried about me feeling bad or anything, please don’t. I want to help you.”

You wave her away. “You have your own shit to deal with.”

“What, you mean Jaehyun?” She snorts. “I’m over him. I was over him ages ago.”

“Are you sure?”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Just.” You look down at your feet. “You really liked him, didn’t you?”

Jihyo cocks her head to the side, studying you carefully. “Yes. I did. What about it?”

Your shoulder slump, dejectedness seeping into your figure. “How… did you do it?” You glance up at her, note the way she observes you carefully. Your voice is almost pleading when you continue, “How did you get over him?”

Your best friend’s expression clears, comprehension dawning on her face. She places her mug down, leaning forward and clasping your hand with hers. “It’s Mingyu, isn’t it?”

You shake your head miserably. “Not just him.”

“There’s someone else?” She doesn’t sound surprised, only intrigued and concerned.

You take a deep breath, lock gazes with her—and everything comes spilling out of your mouth like the tide receding into the ocean. You tell her everything, about Mingyu and Seokmin and how conflicted they make you feel; how one is like the living personification of sunlight on a gloomy day, and the other reminds you of clouds providing shade on a hot afternoon. You tell her about how guilty you feel, as though you’re leading Seokmin to believe that you’re ready for a committed relationship when a part of your heart still belongs to Mingyu. You speak until the words end up garbled and slurred, and your breathing turns heavy and salt water streaks across your cheeks, your best friend rubbing them away with the pad of her thumb.

When you don’t know what to say, Jihyo pulls you into a hug—it’s an awkward position, your elbows locked around her arms while your neck is bent at an odd angle, but it’s comforting, and you let your eyes close tiredly.

“Y/N,” she says, rubbing her thumb on your shoulder soothingly. “I know it’s hard for you to decide, but you have to know: What do you want?”

The question makes you contemplate. What do you want?

“I don’t know,” is all you can get out, slumping further into her arms.

She hums softly. “But you’ll figure it out. I know you will.”

Will you? You’re not so sure. Maybe when the time is right. But for now, you rest your chin on your best friend’s shoulder and let her rub circles onto your skin.

You pull back when the position becomes too uncomfortable—you can already feel a crick in your neck—and Jihyo wraps her fingers around her discarded mug. She raises it in a half-hearted toast. “To sexy girls who don’t need men in their lives.”

You giggle, rubbing your eyes. “Men are pieces of shit, anyway.”

“Damn right they are,” she croons, falling dramatically back onto the couch. “We should just get married instead.”

“If you propose to me the right way, maybe I’ll consider it.”

Jihyo grins at you, and it’s infectious enough to make you grin back at her. “Consider it done,” she says. “I have a ring in my nightstand drawer with your name written on it.”

“If it’s not pure diamond, I won’t accept.”

“Tsk. So greedy.”

TWELVE

Introducing Seokmin to Jihyo was not a part of your agenda for the week.

But it’s Seokmin and it’s Jihyo, so really, what else did you expect? Both of them integrated themselves seamlessly into your life, and they have no plans of leaving anytime soon. Might as well get the introductions over with.

Ironically, it happens when you go to collect your car from the mechanic’s, and once they’ve exchanged names and small talk, Jihyo and Seokmin are inseparable. The former regals him with tales of your college shenanigans, while the latter listens enthusiastically, eyes flitting between you both amusedly.

“Okay, that’s enough,” you hurriedly interrupt the conversation, right before Jihyo can go into the messy details of how you wanted to marry the toilet when you were drunk once and Mingyu had to physically carry you out of the house because you were convinced the white ceramic was proposing to you.

“You and Mingyu were together for a long time, huh?” Seokmin asks you quietly, once Jihyo is finished with her sulking at you interrupting her story. She’s at the side, conversing with someone on the phone, leaving you and your co-worker alone in front of your car.

You’re so startled by the question, you nearly drop your keys. “I—why do you ask?”

Seokmin licks his lips, a seriousness to his figure that you haven’t witnessed many times before. “Just… curious, I suppose.”

You look down once, see how he’s twisted his fingers together—even the Lee Seokmin gets nervous, after all—and look back up at him. “Yes,” you admit softly, voice hitching slightly, “we were. We… were in love, I guess you could say.”

He’s silent for a minute, tongue darting out to lick his lips again. “And now?”

“I don’t know, Seokmin,” you answer him honestly. Your heart flutters inside your chest, while your stomach twists into tight knots—two reactions you didn’t think would go hand-in-hand, yet here you are, leaving your heart bare for Seokmin to take while gatekeeping a part of it to yourself.

He raises his head, warm eyes capturing yours. You see the smallest flicker of hope and sadness, two thin wisps of emotion dancing in his eyes—but even then, his lips are turned upwards, because it’s Lee Seokmin.

“But you could try?” he asks, so softly you can barely catch the words.

You push down the emotions that threaten to swallow you whole, swirling around your entire body like the blood that flows through your veins. “I don’t know,” you say again, no less honest than the first time.

He opens his mouth, but Jihyo walks back to you both, mouth downturned. “My company said they need me back as soon as possible.” She says it calmly, but disappointment and bitterness seep into her voice.

For a moment, you freeze, and then ask, “When do you need to leave?”

“Tomorrow,” she answers with an apologetic shrug of her shoulders. “They’ve already booked the flight.”

“Okay.” You nod. “I’ll drop you to the airport.”

“I’ll come with,” Seokmin chimes in, and adds, in true Seokmin fashion, “Make sure Y/N doesn’t drive us all into a ditch or something.”

You shove his shoulder, muttering an “asshole” under your breath, and his smile only widens. Jihyo glances in between you both, lower lip caught between her teeth, before she sucks in a breath and smiles. “Good to know my best friend is in good hands.”

“The best hands, actually,” Seokmin teasingly corrects.

You roll your eyes at the two of them. “Can we go home now, or not?”

“Home it is,” Jihyo agrees, “but first, I demand Taco Bell.”

“Fine,” you concede, letting her grab the keys from your outstretched palm.

Seokmin grabs your hand once she clambers into your fixed car. His palm is broad, skin warm, and his fingers wrap around yours with ease. He squeezes your hand once, gently, and it feels like a promise and a farewell at the same time.

Seokmin asks you out again three days after Jihyo leaves.

This time, he takes you out to an Italian restaurant. He’s dressed up in a suit and a bowtie—and actual blue velvet bowtie that sits snugly at the hollow of his neck—and he’s the perfect gentleman, pulling your chair out for you and pouring champagne into your glass like a professional. (When you compliment him on his drink-pouring skills, he just mutters bashfully about how his dad taught him that to please a lady, you need to be good at pouring drinks; it does nothing to ease the quickening pace of your heart.)

Lee Seokmin compliments your dress, says that that specific shade of pink looks beautiful on you. He recommends you try out their vegetable lasagne, says it’s one of the dishes the restaurant is famous for. He laughs about his favourite show, tells you he would love to rewatch it with you someday. He asks if you like gardens because his neighbour is trying to convince him to grow a rosebush outside his house, but he can’t look after plants even if his life depended on it. He wants to go out for ice cream afterwards, but the night is too chilly for the cold dessert so you opt against it.

Throughout, you play someone who’s on her first date, who thinks this is all there is and everything she’s been dreaming of has come true.

You would like to think you’re a good actor.

Kim Mingyu has seen you in nothing but sweatpants and old t-shirts and he used to whisper praises against your skin, flushed with sweat and sweet words. He ate the shitty lasagne you made without complaining, no matter how bad it tasted. He watched whatever was playing on television with you, just because he enjoyed your company and wanted to be wherever you were. He’s not particularly good with plants, but he has a little succulent named Spurt, making sure it gets enough sunlight and water. He likes mint chocolate ice cream, and would defend the flavour with his life.

Kim Mingyu and Lee Seokmin: Two sides of the same coin.

Jihyo’s question resonates in your mind as you and Seokmin walk back to your car.

What do you want?

As you near your vehicle, Seokmin puts a gentle hand on your arm. “Y/N,” is all he says, and you hate the way your chest clenches at that—just because he said your name.

“Did you have fun today?” he continues, eyes roaming over your features like he’s committing you to memory. Like a soldier leaving his wife before he heads out to the frontlines.

“I did, Seokmin. I really did.” You place your hand over his, tracing the veins on the back of his hand, pressing lightly on his knuckles; you need him to know that you truly enjoyed today—desperate for him to know, because it’s the least you can do for him after everything he’s done for you.

“Good,” he says. “I—I had fun today with you, too. I always have fun when I’m with you, Y/N.”

He bends down. You can feel his breath fan out on the shell of your ear and it makes you shiver. He turns his head, and his lips brush against your cheek. A small, soft farewell.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t—” you begin, feeling your voice begin to wobble.

“Don’t be sorry,” Seokmin whispers, but he sounds firm. “We’re still friends.”

Your heart plummets deep, deep down, a free fall that isn’t orchestrated by gravity. You think you know the answer to Jihyo’s question now.

“Thank you,” you whisper back to Seokmin.

THIRTEEN

The light is on when you enter the apartment. Mingyu’s figure lies hunched on the sofa, head in his hands, a half-empty beer can next to him. You quickly shuck off your heels and drop your purse onto the shoe rack.

Your ex-boyfriend looks at you when pad over to the living room. “You’re back.” He sounds hoarse, tired.

“Have you been drinking?” you say in return, raising an eyebrow.

Mingyu glances at the can in his hand then back at you. “Yeah. Long day.”

“Me too,” you admit quietly.

Perhaps it’s the quiet ambience of your shared home—silent, despite the noise of the city outside—that compels him; or maybe it’s the idea of coming home to someone you think you know better than the back of your own hand. Either way, when Mingyu pats the cushion beside him, your feet move automatically and you sit down, letting out a weary sigh.

It’s quiet, but not in the awkward sense. Not like back then, when Mingyu thought you and Seokmin were dating. Not even when you visited your old apartment. Exhaustion makes its home in your bones, and you suspect it’s taken over Mingyu too; there’s no way this shared piece of night can be so comfortable otherwise.

“Want some?” he asks after a few minutes.

“No thanks.”

Mingyu shrugs and puts the can down on the coffee table. “Wanna talk about it?” He leans back against the sofa, arms crossed behind his head.

“No,” you answer, and then, “Do you?”

“No.” He clears his throat, glancing sideways at you. “Were you with… Seokmin?”

“...Yes.”

You don’t have to look at Mingyu to know he’s clenching his jaw. It’s a pure rush of adrenaline that makes you ask, “Why does it bother you so much whenever I’m with him?”

Silence.

You turn your head, cheek brushing against the back of the sofa. Mingyu’s eyes are closed, hair falling in loose strands around his forehead and neck. You wonder what he’s thinking.

His answer excites you—in the rawest form possible. Anticipation builds up in your chest, threatens to explode through your windpipe. You don’t know what he’s thinking, but when he opens his eyes and meets your gaze, there is nothing you can do to stop your heart from rabbiting inside your rib cage.

“It doesn’t,” he says finally, an air of decisiveness about him.

For the second time that night, your heart plummets, and you tear your eyes off him. “Okay,” you say. “That is, um, good information to have.”

“Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

“How does it matter to you?”

Mingyu crosses and uncrosses his ankles, this time staring resolutely at the floor. “I don’t know. It just does.”

You purse your lips. He isn’t being fair to you. “What about you?” you demand. “What about that girl you almost brought back home, huh?”

His mouth twitches. “You saw that.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement.

“I’m not blind, Mingyu,” you retort.

Your roommate lets out a sardonic chuckle at that, slowly dragging his eyes up. “I highly doubt that.”

“What do you mean?” You scowl at him, feeling your chest begin to heave. “You—you’re like some kind of a riddle, Mingyu. I can never tell what you mean by anything, and it’s even worse now that you’re drunk and—”

“I’m not drunk, Y/N,” he interrupts.

“I don’t care if you’re drunk or not—” you don’t realise your voice is caving in, growing softer and softer by the second— “stop saying things you don’t mean.”

“I want to kiss you,” he says finally. “I want to kiss you and I may be slightly drunk, but I don’t fucking care. And I mean it.”

You swallow, blood pounding through your veins. “Say that again.”

“What?” he says, sounding genuinely confused. His gaze never leaves your face, every ounce of earnestness and honesty written plainly on his features.

“Say it again,” you repeat.

“I want—”

You surge forward, capturing his lips with yours, pressing them firmly against his even when he lets out a muffled gasp. He doesn’t kiss back immediately, but his hands find their way to your waist, gripping tightly and crumpling the flimsy material of your dress. He kisses you back then, mouth jutting insistently into yours, tongue sliding against your lower lip. You arch your back, scramble to find some balance in this precarious position, and your hands end up tangled in his hair. He tastes like beer and aftershave and something that’s so distinctly Mingyu, you want more.

You pull away when air becomes a necessity, blinking even as Mingyu’s arms pull you closer to him.

“This isn’t over,” you manage to get out in between huffed breaths.

“Tomorrow,” he promises, but his eyes are glazed. He looks at you like a man starved, and tilts his head and kisses you again, kisses you like he might never see you again.

You let him. It’s Kim Mingyu, after all, and you’ve always been a little weak for him.

You don’t think of Seokmin; don’t let him come out of the tiny pocket you’ve preserved in your heart just for him. Instead, you wrap your arms around your ex-boyfriend’s neck, leaning into his chest and kissing him back with equal fervour, letting him know that you need him as much as he needs you.

God, you’d missed him. Way more than you thought. You’ve memorised his touch, branded it into your mind, but it still feels new. Like the first time you were with him, kissing like two teenagers with reckless abandon.

His cold fingers find their way underneath your waist, hitching up the loose material of your dress around your thighs. You kneel on the couch cushions in front of him, almost straddling his lap but not quite. His fingers brush against your sides in a way that sends shivers down your spine.

He nips at your lip, asking for entrance to your mouth to which you accept, parting your lips enough for him to get a taste. As he moves his tongue around yours, exploring your mouth in every way possible, you can’t contain the slight whimper that escapes your throat.

Mingyu groans, leaning his weight onto you as you both start moving together until you’re laid flat against the couch. He’s impatient, you can tell; his fingers dig into your skin, and he groans again when you bite down gently on his lower lip. He pulls back and moves downwards, kissing your jaw and behind your ear, suckling gently on a sensitive bit of skin with expertise. “Tell me to stop,” he says, whispering the words against your skin.

All you do is moan in response, rubbing your thighs together to get some friction with the way he’s moving his mouth against your skin.

“Tell me to stop,” he says again, more firmly this time.

“Shut the fuck up, Gyu,” is all you reply with, the nickname falling out of your lips with familiarity.

Maybe it’s the use of something that used to be your thing—something the two of you shared, the shortened version of his name—but hearing it come out of your lips again does things to Mingyu that he isn’t sure he’d ever be able to put into words for you. Trailing his movements down to your neck, he stops at your chest, a small smile spreading on his face. “Forgot how much I loved it when you called me that.”

Looking down at him, you hadn’t realised he’s moved further down your body and his fingers trace the edges of your underwear. Your dress is bunched up above your thighs, skin exposed to the cool air. “Gonna make you feel so good,” he mumbles, pressing a tiny kiss to the inside of your thighs. He toys with the elastic of the waistband, chuckling when you shoot him an irritated glare.

He stares down at your clothed core, mouth watering while his hands move faster than you can comprehend. It takes him two seconds to hook his slender fingers underneath the waistband of your panties before he pulls them down to your ankles and tosses them onto the coffee table.

You feel a wave of shyness overcome you—with the way he’s looking at you, desperate for your taste—and you try to close your legs, before his hands land on your thighs, halting your actions. “So pretty,” he murmurs. “I want to see all of you.”

Heat burns your cheeks and flows through your body. You turn your head to avoid his burning gaze as you feel him part your legs. He readjusts himself, laying as flat and comfortably as he can with what little space he has on the couch until he’s face-to-face with where you need him most. He tests the waters, leaning in with his tongue out, letting it graze your clit. You stifle a moan, biting your lip so hard, you think it might bleed.

He smiles, loving how you’re holding back. “So quiet, baby. Wanna remember how I used to make you feel.” Laying his tongue flat against your clit, he gives you slow and soft strokes—so gentle that it drives you insane.

“You’re such—such a tease,” you gasp out, right when he swirls his tongue around the nub.

Mingyu only raises an eyebrow at that. “You haven’t changed.” But all the same, any plans he had to be patient with you go straight out the window; he wraps his arms around your thighs to pull you down further to his face. The sudden pull surprises you, and you gasp a little while searching for something to grab onto. He indulges in your pussy, tongue exploring your pulsating hole that clenches around everything and nothing all at once. He relishes in the way you feel on his tongue, groaning against your folds while bringing a hand up and rubbing his thumb on your neglected clit.

You’re a mess under his touch, squirming on the sofa, loud groans and soft mewls escaping your lips wantonly. Your fingers find their way into his soft locks, pulling gently on his hair and scratching against his scalp. He lets out a moan against your pussy, lapping at your juices as if you’re his last source of water. “F-fuck, Gyu, ‘m gonna—” a gasp— “‘m gonna cum.”

This only encourages him to work his mouth harder, wanting to watch you fall apart just by his mouth alone. You tug harder at his hair, moans growing louder and more desperate by the second, and your thighs shudder around his head, feeling the rush of your high come so close, you aren’t prepared for it.

With two final sucks to your clit, you come undone on his tongue followed by a string of moans with broken pieces of his name somewhere in between. Mingyu looks up at you with bright eyes and a satisfied grin, as if he didn’t just eat out your pussy like he would never get the chance to again. The mixture of saliva and your juices dripping down his chin makes your eyes widen even as you squint down at him.

With careful, deliberate motions, he moves away from you, the grin on his face replaced by a more serious expression. You sit up, leaning on your elbows. The aftermath of your passionate actions catches up to you; reaching over, you snatch your panties from the coffee table and swing your legs over. Throughout, Mingyu doesn’t say anything. He only watches, in that quiet, observant way of his, swiping at his mouth and chin with a tissue he grabbed from the tissue box next to the couch.

You glance at him. Is he going to say something? Or is he going to let you walk away again, with all the words you want to say to him lying on the tip of your tongue, always there but never released?

“Y/N.” He scrambles to his feet when you stand up, clutching your underwear in one hand and adjusting your dress with the other. He sounds… uncertain. Completely unlike the Mingyu who cockily asked you if Seokmin was your boyfriend, or who joked around with Jihyo like it was second nature to him.

You bite your lip. “Yes?”

“Do you… do you want anything? Water?”

You melt a little at his words like an ice cream left out for too long. Kim Mingyu, always so kind, always so caring—you know that better than anyone.

He can be cruel too, in the way he chips away at your already broken heart. He doesn’t know it but he does—lift your hopes only to let it all crumble down. Like how he broke the promises you made to each other, and how you broke the words you’d sworn to say to him alone.

It hits you again, how you and Mingyu were meant to be, and how lonely it was when he left. You wonder if he feels the same way—did he spend sleepless nights in bed, thinking of you? Did he ever think that if he could travel back in time, he’d do it all over again?

You shake your head no at him. He doesn’t say anything after that, but his lips part slightly. He watches you as you walk over to grab your purse and head inside your room.

That night, you don’t sleep at all—despite wrapping yourself up in your Looney Tunes comforter and the comforting weight of your pillow beneath your head that usually puts you to sleep instantly.

Instead, it feels like the very first night you and Mingyu broke up all over again.

SIXTEEN

You don’t tell anyone about what transpired between you and Mingyu. It remains hidden between you both, a secret neither of you are willing to bring up.

Jihyo is back to work at her new city, now completely devoid of boy problems of any sort, since Jeong Jaehyun has shifted his affections to another co-worker. (“It’s better this way,” she tells you, “he didn’t want a committed relationship, anyway.” You can tell she’s truly not bothered by it, so you grin and agree.)

Seokmin doesn’t come around to your cubicle the way he used to earlier, either. Your days at the office are dreary and boring, now that your co-worker’s sunshine smile isn’t there to keep you company. In fact, the only person who still talks to you voluntarily at work is your boss, Seunghcheol, but even then it’s mostly just a sympathetic smile he offers you followed by a new deadline or a project.

You and Mingyu are back to whatever it was you had when you first moved in, before the lasagne fiasco. Not talking to each other, but not not talking to each other either. You swerve around each other in tandem, finding more and more excuses to avoid whatever happened in between you both. He lied when he said he would talk to you about it the next day, after he ate you out on the couch.

You can’t blame him completely; you’ve made no effort to reach out to him, either.

Weariness seeps into your skin with every passing second. You rub at your already half-closed eyes and hide a yawn behind a closed fist. The letters on your laptop screen swim in front of you. The stack of folders next to it drags a tired sigh out of your lips.

You’re so tired. Not just physically, but emotionally you’re drained out, all the liveliness sucked out of you like someone vacuumed up the inside of your heart. The lack of sleep is getting to you; the lack of someone to brighten up your days is getting to you more.

If you and Seokmin were still on a talking basis, he would have sauntered over to your desk by now, hands in his pockets and the same question on his lips: “Coffee break?”

He’s not here now, probably tucked into his corner of the floor. Maybe his smile is directed at someone else. Maybe he’s taking someone else on the daily ritual that you used to consider yours. Maybe it’s time you get out of your fucking swivel chair and get some coffee.

You’re not doing it alone, of course. No, coffee at the office—no matter how shitty the machine is and how long the line for the coveted caffeine is—is yours and Seokmin’s thing. Besides, he said you’re still friends; it’s time for you to step up.

Stifling another yawn, you blink slowly before pushing yourself off your chair. It occurs to you that you don’t know exactly where Seokmin’s cubicle is—he’d mentioned it was by Seungcheol’s room once. You decide to start there.

It doesn’t take you long to find Seokmin. You walk into him—literally walk into him. A startled gasp leaves your lips when you collide into someone’s chest, an apology already on the tip of your tongue.

“Are you okay?”

You blink once. The voice is familiar. You direct your gaze at the person you bumped into.

“Seokmin,” you breathe out weakly.

He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “The one and only.”

“I-I’m sorry I bumped into you,” you quickly apologise. “I was on my—”

“It’s okay, don’t apologise,” he interrupts. “I should’ve looked at where I was going too.”

“How… have you been?” The question spills out before you notice, and you realise that you’re genuinely concerned about his wellbeing. You’ve missed him, missed his companionship.

Seokmin looks briefly surprised that you’ve asked him. He clears his throat, once. “Oh, um. I’ve been fine—y’know, the usual. Work, home, sleep and then repeat. How—how about you?”

“I’ve been better,” you admit. “You look tired, though.”

He lifts his hand and rubs his cheek with an accompanying embarrassed chuckle. “You could tell?”

He has bags underneath his eyes. His shoulders sag ever-so slightly. His usually perfectly styled hair isn’t as neat as it used to be. You nod. “You look exhausted.”

“Ah.” Another embarrassed chuckle; you can tell he doesn’t know how to respond to that.

“Coffee break?” you offer, a small, lopsided smile gracing your lips.

This time, the smile Lee Seokmin gives you lights up his eyes.

SEVENTEEN

“This is ridiculous!” you call out for the nth time, glaring at the door with as much intensity as you can muster.

“Jihyo’s orders!” Seokmin calls back, from outside the room. “I have proof that she asked me to lock you two up in order for you to talk it out.”

Mingyu huffs out a breathless laugh from behind you. He’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, sheets crumpled and pillow on his lap. You turn around to level your glare at him.

“Give it up,” he advises.

“Don’t even.” You pinch the bride of your nose, closing your eyes in exasperation. “This is all your fault.”

“My fault? No one told you to tell Seokmin everything!”

“Well, how was I supposed to know he would go and tell Jihyo?” you splutter out, opening your eyes and bringing your hand down. “I didn’t even know they’d exchanged numbers!”

“Might as well get it over with,” Seokmin’s voice travels through the barricade once more. “The sooner the better.”

“I didn’t ask you, Seokmin,” you mutter.

“He’s right, you know.” Mingyu pats the space next to him, inviting you to sit down. “If Jihyo hadn’t forced him to do it, I would have found some way to do it myself.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” you retort. “You’ve been avoiding me since the day we—since the day we kissed.”

“I would have tried,” he reasons. “But since you’re here now, can you at least please listen to what I have to say?”

“Oh, so now you have things you want to say,” you grumble, crossing your arms over your chest. Regardless, you sit down next to him. You’re curious, you will admit. This conversation could potentially break your heart, or it could also change the trajectory of your relationship with Mingyu.

Your ex-boyfriend takes a deep breath before beginning.

“The other day, when I said I wanted to kiss you—I wasn’t lying, Y/N. I truly meant it. I’ve wanted to kiss you the minute I laid eyes on you again. I wanted to hold your hand, to take you places around the neighbourhood, to come back home to you.

“I thought we were making progress. I thought we were friends again, and I could somehow win your heart back.” A wry smile crosses his lips. “But then Seokmin came by, and you both just seemed so close. He—he brought back this life in you; your eyes sparkled whenever he was around, and you were always smiling when you were with him. I never saw that after we… after you moved in. You were always so jittery with me—understandably so—and I… I let my jealousy of seeing you with Seokmin get the better of me.

“That day, when I—” he pauses, glancing at you; his eyes are imploring, and you sense that he’s laying himself bare for you— “when you saw me kissing that girl, I did it on purpose. To make you jealous. And then I saw the look on your face, and even when I was drunk, I knew I’d fucked up. So I left her, and I followed you back inside—you closed the door just as I caught up with you. I called up Minghao, spent the night at his place. I think that’s when I realised completely that I—that I still love you.”

Your breath catches in your throat at his words. Your heart is hammering inside your chest. You can’t believe you’re actually hearing these words.

Mingyu swallows. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. Even after we broke up, even after all the things we said to each other—some part of me knew that I shouldn’t give up on you. I have loved you throughout. I will continue to love you throughout.”

He looks down, staring at his hands. In that instant, he looks so small. Vulnerable. As if giving his entire heart to you on a silver platter isn’t enough. As if he’s giving all of himself to you, mind, body and soul.

You need to tell him that your mind, body and soul have always been his.

“Mingyu,” you begin, watching as his eyes travel over to yours uncertainly, “you absolute fucking idiot.”

His lips twitch up briefly. “Wha—”

“I love you, too, idiot.” The words rush out breathlessly. “I never stopped.”

Mingyu’s eyes widen and his mouth opens imperceptibly. You continue, “I knew this would happen. The minute I stepped foot into your house, I knew I would fall for you all over again.”

You reach out and grip his hand, needing something to tether you against him. “And I did.” A watery laugh escapes your mouth. “I fell in love with you all over again.”

A pause, and then Mingyu’s free hand cups your cheek, skin warm against yours. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

Mingyu smiles at your confession—a full smile, with his eyes crinkling in the corners and his lips turning upwards. He leans forward. “I’m going to kiss you now.”

You beat him to it, covering the distance between you both with one swift swoop. You capture his lower lip in between yours, hands resting on his shoulders to steady yourself. He kisses you back with equal fervour, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you impossibly closer. You close your eyes and slide your tongue across the seam of his lips, smiling when he lets out a silent groan.

He only pulls away once he needs air, but even then he doesn’t let you go. He pulls you forward, making you straddle his lap as he kisses your cheeks, your nose, the column of your throat. You relish in his touches, tangling your hands in his hair and tugging gently at the silky strands.

“We should probably stop,” you whisper, when a particularly sharp nip at your neck elicits a soft moan from you. “Seokmin’s standing outside.”

“Fuck him,” Mingyu says. He presses another kiss on your jaw, looking up at you like you’ve hung up all the stars in the universe.

You roll your eyes affectionately at him. “C’mon. I don’t want to scar him for life.”

“Who cares?”

“I care,” you say, slowly getting off his lap. Already you can feel the absence of his warmth.

“Fine,” he agrees, once you stand up fully and brush yourself off. “I love you.”

Warmth shoots up your chest and onto your cheeks and neck. Your heart swells, and you find yourself grinning involuntarily. “I love you, too.”

“Good.” Mingyu stands up and pecks your cheek. “Now let’s go save Seokmin from his misery.”

(Later, if you find Seokmin with bright pink ears as he pointedly avoids yours and Mingyu’s gaze, that’s no one’s business but his.)

EIGHTEEN

Mingyu sucks on a sweet spot right underneath your ear and you can practically hear his smirk when you let out a whine. You fist your hand in the sheets, feeling the soft material crinkle underneath your fingertips.

“Such a tease,” you whisper out.

He lowers his head, nips at your neck and then runs his tongue over the spot, soothing it. “So you’ve mentioned.”

Your retort dies on your lips when he moves lower and lower, pressing open-mouthed kisses on your collarbones and shoulders. You whine again when his fingers find your nipple, pinching the bud lightly in between his thumb and forefingers. He moves lower, breath ghosting over your abdomen and belly button, until he finally comes face to face with your clothed pussy.

He hooks his finger into the waistband of your panties, nails scraping against your skin. You squirm under his touch, lifting your hips to help him pull the flimsy garment down your legs and toss it to the side. Mingyu sucks in a breath sharply when he sees your exposed cunt—despite already having seen it before, and you feel a rush of pride at the fact that you still have this effect on him. “So pretty,” he murmurs, eyeing your folds hungrily.

Mingyu works on your clit expertly, thumb rubbing against the nub, eliciting a loud moan from you. He licks a stripe up your folds, grinning when your hand automatically finds itself in his hair again. When he finds you’re wet enough, he slides a finger in. You inhale sharply, hole clenching around the digit. He circles his thumb around your clit once more, before sliding another finger in.

You gasp at that, tightening the hand in his hair. Mingyu leans forward, swiping at your clit with his tongue one more time and pulling both his fingers out at the same time. He relishes in the sounds coming out of your mouth, feeling proud that you’re not trying to hide anything from him. You’re completely under his mercy, as is he when it comes to you.

He slides both the fingers back in, hissing when your walls contract against them, pumping the digits in and out a few more times. The way you moan—because of him—makes him finger your hole faster, enjoying the way your moans increase in pitch. When he sees your eyes beginning to cloud over, Mingyu quickly withdraws his fingers. You whimper at the loss of his touch and he chuckles. “Patience, baby. Don’t want you to cum just yet.”

Your head falls back on the pillow and you mutter a string of incoherent words under your breath. “Look at me,” Mingyu tuts.

You lift up your neck curiously. Mingyu waits for your eyes to land on his lips before he slowly, deliberately puts his two fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the digits and licking your juices off. He doesn’t fail to notice the way you bite your lip at the sight.

Once he pulls his fingers out, Mingyu bends down and presses an open-mouthed kiss to the inside of your thigh. “Are you even gonna fuck me, Gyu?” you grit out, and his eyes widen.

“Call me that again,” he orders.

“Fuck me, Gyu.” Your voice is borderline a whimper, and, well—who is Mingyu to prevent you from getting what you desire? After all, he’s always been a little weak when it comes to you.

He gets on his knees, holding his throbbing cock in his hand. He pumps it a few times, groaning softly, before positioning himself at your entrance. “You’re on the pill?”

“Yes.” You nod almost desperately, waiting for him to slide it all the way in.

Mingyu enters you slowly—the pace is almost unbearable—but he shudders when he feels your walls against his dick. You grab onto his shoulders, nails digging into the flesh. A loud moan escapes your lips when he jerks his hips forward, his cock pressing into your cervix. Your eyes screw shut, and Mingyu grunts, pulling out and thrusting back inside with more force. Almost unconsciously, you wrap your legs around his hips, granting him more access to your hole and allowing him to push himself deeper inside you.

He leans down and captures a nipple in his mouth, rolling his tongue around the pebbled bud. You gasp out moans wantonly, and it spurs him to thrust faster and faster inside you. He watches you fall apart on him, a hint of a smirk playing on his lips when your moans become interspersed with chants of his name.

Your grip on his shoulders tighten and the muscles flex under your hold. Your cries reach a crescendo with one particularly sharp thrust; Mingyu can tell your climax is approaching.

He speeds up, pumping into you with as much strength as he can muster. Your nails leave white-hot trails along his back, his shoulders—you try to hold onto him as best as you can. You cry for more, beg him to keep going. A bit redundant, in his opinion—he has no plans of stopping until you’ve orgasmed.

Mingyu thrusts into you one last time, throwing you over the edge. Your walls clench around his cock tightly, black stars floating in your vision as you cry out his name. He pumps into you weakly, letting you ride out your orgasm while chasing his own high. He buries his face in your neck, breathing heavily, and when your walls tighten around him, he comes inside you, his movements coming to a pause.

You stroke his sweaty bangs away from his forehead, both of you catching your breaths. He remains sheathed in you, even as he pulls you onto your side so both your chests are touching.

“Feel good?” he asks, one hand carding through your hair gently.

You let out a tired, but satisfied hum, smiling softly at Mingyu.

You spend the night curled up in his arms. He sleeps soundly next to you, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks and hands wrapped protectively around your figure. The steady thrum of his heartbeat sounds against your ear, and you smile, even in your sleep.

NINETEEN

“You have your thinking face on.” Your boyfriend saunters into the kitchen, a knowing smile on his lips. You roll your eyes at him.

“You can’t tell me you don’t see it too,” you say pointedly, waving your wooden spatula at him.

Mingyu chuckles, moving over and wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. He presses a sweet kiss to your shoulder. “What, that Seokmin and Jihyo are meant to be? That smells amazing, by the way, love.”

“Yes,” you huff out, stirring the soup inside the pot boiling on the stove. “And thank you.”

From the living room, you can hear your two friends laughing over something you couldn’t possibly begin to comprehend. Jihyo still lives in another city, but she comes over to visit whenever she can. You and Seokmin remain friends, and he often comes over whenever you, Mingyu and Jihyo decide to hang out—though, you suspect his enthusiasm to join you three has more to do with one particular person rather than the entire group.

“If you say so,” Mingyu agrees. “I think they’re just friends.”

“Friends don’t look at each other that way,” you say matter-of-factly.

“Really? I seem to recall him looking at you the exact same way not too long ago.”

“That’s different, Gyu. Here, can you taste some? I don’t want it to be too salty.” Grabbing a large spoon, you dip it in the pot and offer it to Mingyu.

He obliges, letting you shove the spoonful into his mouth—and yelps almost immediately. “Ouch! You didn’t tell me it was hot.”

You only raise an eyebrow at him, but a small hint of amusement dances in your eyes. “How does it taste?”

Mingyu rolls his eyes at you but rests his chin on your shoulder; his hair tickles your ear. “It tastes amazing as always, love.”

“You’re sure? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, are you?”

“I’m offended you think I would lie to you.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” you deadpan, and it makes Mingyu giggle.

“I’m serious, it tastes good.” He smiles at you, peeling himself away from you. “Let’s go join the other two.”

“Coming.” You put the stove on simmer and grab Mingyu’s extended hand. His fingers slot in between yours easily. Your lips curl upwards on their own accord, and your heart feels so full, it’s close to bursting.

You’re there, in a room with all your favourite people, and it’s perfect.

The very first night you and Mingyu broke up is pushed to the back of your mind, never to slip out of the corner you’ve tucked it into. The nights after made up for it, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. You rebuild the promises you made and make new ones along the way.

You’d write it in the sky if you could, but you and Mingyu don’t need that.

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aetherology · 1 year ago

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I literally move tomorrow & I bought assassins creed mirage my self control was barely holding out as is !!!!!!!! lasted a week sb b proud of me !!!!!!!! even tho I needed it to last till halloween!!!+!!!!!!!! !!

#I HAVE !!!! packed one ( 1 ) whole bookshelf #calling it a win! going to bed!#like the move isnt far & i currently live in a studio apt so its not like i have the worlds most amount of stuff #it just looks like a lot because i dont have storage space so im stressing myself out THINKING its a lot #the real horror is going to be getting through the anciety of moving my pc mayb ill cry about it even #creature.txt #tbd

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thethronezone · 2 months ago

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Primarchs and baby's first steps

Mortarion didn't think he was a good father. He didn't even think he was an 'alright' father. But there had to be something he did right, considering the fact he was currently witnessing his child taking their first steps. There was a look of intense focus on their face, one Mortarion hadn't thought a toddler capable of. He briefly wondered if he made the same expression himself sometimes. Mortarion did not dare make a sound or any sudden movements, scared that it would somehow ruin the movement. But as his child toddles closer, he found himself murmuring encouragements. "That's it, you're doing it... One step at a time, just like that..." Just as they are about to reach him, they stumble, but Mortarion catches them before the hit the floor and swoops them up in his arms, bringing them close. "You did it!" He can't help the smile that splits his face and the audible love in his voice and for once, he doesn't mind. Right now, Mortarion needs his child to know how proud he is of them.

Fulgrim walked with his child's hands in his own, helping them keep the balance as they got a hang on walking. And really, they were doing fantastic! "That's it, my dear!" he praised. "You're doing amazing!" The toddler smiled absentmindedly at the praise but there was a look of focus on their face that had their brow furrow and their cheeks puff up. Fulgrim found the expression absolutely adorable and had his hands not been occupied with holding theirs, he would have pinched their cheeks. His little one really was the most perfect child in the galaxy, there was so doubt in his mind. This conviction only grew when he carefully let go of their hands and watched them walk a couple of steps on their own. They turned around and squealed with glee when they saw him, clapping their hands and toddling back towards him. "Absolutely brilliant!"

Whenever Angron visited his child, he only ever sat on the far end of the nursery, stewing in his own misery. Today, the kid had been placed on the floor, surrounded by a few toys to entertain them. Usually, that was enough. But not today. Today, they wanted something different. First, they made a noise. "Bah!" Angron briefly looked up from where he was polishing his mace before looking back down again. "Ba-bah!" they exclaimed once more. This time, Angron merely grunted in response. Well that wouldn't do. That wouldn't do at all. Using their arms to push themself up from the floor, they stood up. Stared at their distracted father. Frowned. And took a step. Then another. And another. It was only by the time they were halfway across the room that Angron looked up and saw them. Walking. "You-!" he exclaimed before slowly placing his mace on the table and stared with wide eyes as his child made their way towards him. It was only when they'd successfully made their way over and clung to his leg that his mouth twitched before breaking out into a full, slightly savage, smile. For the third time ever, Angron picked up his child and held them high above his head. "A fighter!" he exclaimed with glee and for a moment, he managed to forget about the pain he lived in.

Magnus should have expected this. Their first words had been in the context of wanting a specific book. It made sense that their first steps would happen in a similar circumstance. Now, Magnus enjoyed reading to his child. He liked the way their eyes followed his finger as he used it to underline the word he was sounding out, the way they would light up when they recognized a story they particularly enjoyed. And they did have their favorites. This became undeniable when, one day, Magnus asked them which book they would like to read now. He had expected them to point, expected them to maybe say the title of one of the books. What he hadn't expected was for them to slide out of his lap and, faster than he could comprehend, toddle their way over to the bookshelf and pick out a book he had read for them many times before. "This one!" they had exclaimed eagerly, looking back at him with expectation in their eyes. Magnus had to cover his mouth with one of his hands to stifle the laugh that he felt bubbling up. Instead, he nodded, picked up the book and his child in one swoop and began telling the familiar story, his chest warm with pride the entire time.

Perturabo was a busy man. There were war campaigns to plan, siege engines to design, troops to train and now, on top of that, a child to raise. He was on a strict schedule. So, when he decided it was time for his child to learn how to walk, there was no changing his mind. First, he would help them. A steady hand on their back to keep their balance and another on their shoulder, to steer them forward. At first them would trip and stumble but Perturabo always made sure they quickly got up again, even if they cried and whined. Once he was certain that they could keep their balance on their own, he stepped back. "Get over here." His child looked uncertain, so he snapped his fingers, getting back their attention. "Now." The first couple of tries were pathetic. Stumbling, fumbling. Too top heavy, too wobbly. "Again" Perturabo would say when they fell. "Again", when they faltered. Some might have called it cruel, that they were just a child, an infant. An Perturabo might have agreed with them, had this been a normal child. But this was HIS child and he knew that the world would not be kind to them, that if they wanted to have a chance at success, at LIFE, then they had to be tough. Preparing them for this was the kindest thing he could do for them. And when his child finally managed to walk without falling, Perturabo knew he had made the right choice.

After the baby's first word, Alpharius and Omegon had started speculating when they would start walking. It was only a matter of time, said Omegon. Any day now, said Alpharius. What they hadn't expected was to one day enter the nursery, only to find the crib empty. Well, almost empty. Standing in the doorway, they witnessed their child climb out of the crib, stand on the floor and take a couple of steps as they turned around. They appeared shocked when they saw Alpharius and Omegon standing there, watching them. For a moment, no one moved. Then, slowly, carefully, the toddler sat down on the floor and, with the most innocent look they could muster, asked "Up?" with grabby hands. Alpharius and Omegon came to the startling realization that, not only might their baby have been able to walk for a while now, but also that they were already a manipulative little thing. Oh, they were both so proud of their little one.

After the baby had been born, it was seldom that one saw Lorgar without them in his arms. He loved cradling them, rocking them, holding them close wherever he went. It was frankly a miracle that the child learned how to walk at all, with how rarely Lorgar put them down. But walk they did. Lorgar had just looked away for a second, a short moment, only to turn back around and see his dear child toddling towards him. Whatever he held in his arms, whatever he had been doing the moment before, he dropped at the same time that he dropped to his knees, arms wide and his eyes filled to the brim with tears as he beckoned his child closer. A few steps and they were in his arms and Lorgar held them close, burying his face against the top of their head. "Oh my little miracle, my wonder! Every day you surprise me, every day you remind me just how beautiful life is!" If his child fully understood him or not, he did not know, but he knew that they could hear just how proud he was of them and just how much he loved them.

Horus holds their hands in his as he teaches them how to walk, murmuring words of encouragement. "One foot before the other, yeah, you've got it". He keeps his voice in check, talking with a low, soothing tone so he won't distract them from the task. And when he feels like they've got this, when he feels them growing more confident, he gradually starts letting go of their hands, so slowly that they don't notice it's happening until he's completely let go. They stop, turn their head to look at him. Horus smiles back. "It's ok, you can do it." And his child already knows they can trust him so they clench their little fists and with a face of determination and focus, walks. It's wobbly, it's slow, but they're doing it all on their own. They reach the wall and once again, they turn around to look at him but this time, they are smiling widely. "Dah!" they exclaim and Horus rushes forward, circles his arms around them and spin them around. "So good! My amazing child!" A thousand battlefields, ten thousands battles, nothing can compare to the pride he feels for them in this moment.

Konrad sat in an armchair, head propped up against a closed fist, staring at his child as they played with their toys. He felt his lips slowly curl into a smile when the child raised one of the toys and made it swoop down, almost as if it were flying. His smile grew when his baby suddenly looked up and locked eyes with him. To most people, Konrad's smile was a thing of terror, something that caused nightmares, but his little one merely smiled back. His smile froze and slowly morphed into an expression of disbelief however, when suddenly, his child pushed themself up to stand on their own two feet. They had done this before, it wasn't new, but something was different. There was this focus and determination in their eyes that made him pause and lean forward in his seat. Konrad's child stared at him, smiled once more, and then took a first, slightly wobbly step. His breath caught in his throat. Slowly but surely, step after step, the child made their way over to him. Before they made it, Konrad got up from his seat and kneeled on the floor, catching them in his arms when they finally got there. His child, squealing with glee, and him, holding them tight. They will stay like that for a while, until Konrad's emotions get back in check and he knows he can look at them without feeling the need to shed tears.

Laying on his stomarch, on the nursery floor, Sanguinius smiled lovingly at his child. They were investigating one of his wings, their own flapping slightly against their back. When they reached to grab ahold of one of his primary feathers, he raised that wing to avoid their tiny, but deceptively strong, hands. But his little sweetheart was faster and more determined than he had given them credit for. They grabbed ahold of his wing and when it rose, so did they, until they were standing on their own two feet. Sanguinius paused, worried he might make them fall over if he moved his wing any higher. But eventually, his child released their hold on his feathers on their own. He sighed in relief. Then almost jumped to his feet when the toddler took a step towards him. With bated breath, he watched them take their first steps until finally, they reached him, patting his head energetically. With a laugh, Sanguinius grabbed them in his arms and turned over on his back, lifting them above himself. They squealed and cooed, wings flapping like they were about to take flight. "Look at you! So amazing! My little heart!"

Corvus stared at his child. The child stared back. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch but fought to keep his expression schooled. "And how" he began, "did you get up there?" From where they sat atop the table, covered in ink and surrounded by empty ink bottles and smudged parchments, his child batted their eyelashes innocently, as if asking 'who, me?'. When they realized that their father saw right through their act, the toddler huffed. Then, pushing themself up, they stood up on the table. This already had Corvus eyes wide. When they then took a couple of wobbling steps towards him, he felt his mouth drop open. Unimpressed by his reaction, his toddler patted their dirty hands against him, staining him with ink. Not that Corvus found himself minding that all too much. No, he was too busy wondering just when his kid had learned how to walk. How many places had they gotten into when he wasn't looking? Did he have to create new safety protocols for mischieveous toddlers now?

Everyone knew that Ferrus was quite proud of his child. He didn't say it out loud of course, but it was evident in how he spoke about them, the way his mouth would twist into an almost smile. For as young and small as they were, his child was not weak. No, they were durable, headstrong. When Ferrus gave them a puzzle or activity to do, they tried and tried until they got it right. Like now. He had constructed a small maze for them. Easy for an adult but for an infant? It provided a challenge. A challenge that his child quickly got fed up with, as they faced dead end after dead end. But instead of just giving up, of crying and whining until he picked them up, they instead did something quite unexpected. First they stood up. Which was smart. The walls oft he maze where quite low and they could easily peer over them once standing. Except they did not return to crawling. Instead, using the walls of the maze for support, they navigated the maze until they got out. Full of pride, Ferrus couldn't help himself. He scooped his child up and pressed his forehead against theirs. "Intelligent and strong!" he praised, voice uncharacteristically tender.

After the whole 'first word' debacle, Rogal had grown to expect the unexpected when it came to his child. So when they one day wanted him to put them down on the floor, Rogal didn't question it. When they pushed themself up on their two feet, he didn't question that either, though he did arch an eyebrow. And when they then proceeded to walk confidently up to a table and climb up on one of the chairs, the only thing he said was a simple "Ah." From their seat, they gestured at the chair next to theirs and, catching their drift, Rogal sat down. He stared at his child, who looked very satisfied about this whole thing. "So you walk now?" His child nodded. "Yeah." Well then, Rogal guessed that was the end of that conversation, though he could not help but wonder if all parents experienced these kinds of situations. The books he had read hadn't suggested it. Granted, his child was very special.

Now, some might say that, bringing a baby into a forge was very irresponsible and not a good idea at all. And, granted, Vulkan saw their point. But on the other hand, they were his child! He had been in the forge at their age, it seemed only fair that they got to experience it as well! They also didn't know how to walk so he could place them at a safe distance and away from anything that could harm them. Problem solved! At least, that's what he thought when he set to work on a new project, hammering away at the smoldering metal. "FIAH!" his child exclaimed and Vulkan chuckled. "Yes, little one, fire." Then, a few moments later, "Want". Huh. Now that was a new word. Curious as to what had grabbed their attention, Vulkan turned around, only to drop her work in shock as he saw his baby toddle towards the open furnace. With the speed of a Primarch and the reflexes of a father, Vulkan dove to catch his child before they could reach their destination. Immediately, he started fretting, checking them for any injuries. The child only stared up at him, brows furrowed and clearly upset. "Fiah..." they grumbled. Vulkan sighed and touched their forehead with his own. Maybe those people were right. Maybe his child should wait a bit before they got to be in the forge.

Lion had been caught off guard when his child had uttered their first word. That was not going to happen again. That's why he was staring down at his child, a small distance away from him. When his child looked up at him and smiled, he struggled to keep his face straight. "Come here", said Lion and gave his child a curt nod. The child frowned, confused, then started crawling over to him. Lion promptly shoved them back to their original spot with his foot. "Not like that. Walk." Still confused, his child tried to crawl over to him again. And again. And again. Each time, Lion pushed them back to where they started. They were starting to grow agitated, huffing and whining, slamming their tiny fists against the floor. Lion didn't flinch in the face of this tantrum. "Walk." His child glared at him, huffed, and finally stood up. A bit wobbly, but they were on their feet. They looked at him. Frowned, suspicious. And then took a step. When he didn't immediately push them back, they took another, and another, until they were slowly toddling towards him. It was only when they reached Lion, grabbing one of his legs, that he allowed himself to react. A proud smile appeared on his face as he finally scooped his child up. "There. I knew you would get it eventually."

Leman quickly found out that his kid was very food motivated. Just like their old man, hahaha! That's why he got the splendid idea to use it to train them. Ok, maybe 'train' was not the right word, they weren't an animal performing tricks. But that's how he found himself holding a juicy, tender piece of meat, right above them, urging them to stand and follow him. Some might have scoffed at this. But he who laughs last laughs best because wouldn't you know it? The kid stood up! And when Leman took a step backwards, they followed! Though they did look a bit unsure... He waggled the piece of meat enticingly. "Mmm, so tender, so juicy! Maybe I'll just eat it myself!" That apparently did it as his kid then all but rushed him, snatching the meat right out of his hands before shoving it in their mouth, gnawing on it with their tiny baby teeth. Leman laughed heartily and ruffled their hair. "There ya go! Good work, pup!"

Jaghatai's child learned to walk before they could talk and they learned to run before that. The Khan had decided that today would be the day that his child took their first steps and, placing his child on one end of the room and waiting at the other with his arms stretched out and encouraging them, he waited. He smiled when they stood up. Smiled even wider when they took a step forward. And then looked on with bewilderment as they ran straight past him towards the open door instead. Throwing his head back with laughter, Jaghatai followed his child as they ran out the door (capable of keeping up with them with just his walking speed) and watched where they decided to go. He greeted his legion as he passed them, none of them appearing surprised by the fact that the Khan's child could already run like the wind. It made his hearts clench with pride and he looked forward to seeing wherever his child decided to take them.

It takes Roboute longer than he'd like to admit for him to notice that his child is walking. To be fair, he was deep in paperwork and had a headache that was steadily getting worse. For all he knew, his child was on the floor in front of his desk, playing with their toys. If it hadn't been for an Ultramarine getting his attention, a slightly apologetic but frantic "lord Guilliman", then he might have missed it entirely. So he looked up. That's when he saw his child, on their feet and toddling over towards a nearby sofa, one usually reserved for guests or visitors. Together with the Ultramarine, Roboute watched his child leave their toys behind and, upon making it to the sofa, climb up on it, lie down, sigh heavily and take a nap. Roboute glanced at the Ultramarine and after a second, placed a finger in front of his mouth, signaling him to stay quiet. The space marine nodded and went back to standing guard. Roboute took a moment to bask in his child's achievement before going back to work, a slight smile on his face. How he wished he could join them as they napped.

#warhammer 40k #roboute guilliman #konrad curze #lion el'jonson #rogal dorn #perturabo #jaghatai khan #magnus #sanguinius #ferrus manus #alpharius omegon #lorgar aurelian #horus lupercal #vulkan #fulgrim #mortarion #corvus corax #leman russ #angron

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lancestrollsgf · 2 months ago

Text

# L’IMMACOLATA / CHRISTMAS DECORATING ! LUIGI MANGIONE X READER, WRITTEN

introduction master list request list series masterlist

# WARNINGS: english isn’t my first language (spelling/grammar errors), ooc! luigi (probably?), second person pov, lowercase intended. this is purely a work of fiction and that i do not encourage any criminal acts or acts of violence. (innocent until proven guilty)

# SUMMARY: the first part of decorating for the long-awaited holiday, is finding the green tree to have in the corner of your home. luigi and you have just gotten into a comfortable new york apartment, which now you have to decorate. both of you are now heading to find the perfect tree and decorations to add to your home.

# AUTHORS NOTE: first part of my new series. first time in a while writing an actual story and not an smau so please have mercy on me. this does not follow the current events, his backstory is not really mentioned throughout the story. luigi back issues do not exist in this story or series. definition: L’immacolata is the day that many italians put up Christmas trees and other holiday decorations. i tried to include some italian traditions i found online but had adding them into where i had already written was difficult. (word count: 2083)

the holiday spirit was already settling in, its warmth contrasting with the chilly new york december air. the long-awaited holiday had arrived, and with thanksgiving’s packed away and autumn’s remnants tucked into storage, it was time to transition into the most festive time of the year.

in your cozy new york apartment, you and luigi were ready to start decorating. following italian tradition on december eighth, the first step is to find the perfect christmas tree, to occupy that empty corner in your living room. it was the beginning of a tradition that you both hoped would carry on for years to come.

slipping on your shoes by the door, you glanced up as luigi adjusted his hair in the bathroom mirror. “are you almost ready, amore?” he called, his voice warm as it carried through the apartment.

you tugged your sneaker snugly onto your foot and answered, “yes! i just need to find and pack my bag.”

luigi chuckled softly. “is it not on the bookshelf near the door?”

that would’ve been convenient, but considering your clumsiness, it wasn’t there. frowning, you began scanning the kitchen, retracing your steps from earlier. perhaps you’d set it down while unpacking groceries. luigi soon joined the search, moving past the couch to help. just as you were about to give up and head back to the living room, luigi’s voice rang out victoriously. “i found it!” he held the black handbag up with a smile, crossing the room to hand it to you. “ah, thank you, lu,” you said, relieved. “i just need to check if I’m missing anything.”

while you rummaged through the bag, mentally running through your checklist, luigi sat by the door and laced up his boots. he glanced at you fondly, patiently waiting as you zipped the bag shut and slung it over your shoulder.

“ready?” he asked, standing up and opening the door for you. you nodded, stepping out onto the apartment’s stairwell, and luigi followed close behind. the cold december air greeted you like an icy embrace, and you instinctively wrapped your arms around yourself, pulling your sweater tighter. sensing your shiver, luigi slipped his arm around your shoulders, drawing you close to his side as you both walked onto the busy street below.

the city was alive with holiday cheer—twinkling lights strung between streetlamps, wreaths hung in shop windows, and the distant hum of carolers blending with the sound of traffic. your destination, a nearby tree farm, had been picked out this morning after scouring reviews and recommendations online. It wasn’t far, just a short walk, and as you approached, the scent of fresh pine reached your noses, filling the air with an unmistakable festive aroma.

“smells like christmas already,” luigi said with a grin, glancing at you as he rubbed his hands together for warmth. you laughed softly, looking around the rows of trees, each one towering and verdant in its unique way. “let’s find the perfect one, lu something that says us.” luigi’s brown eyes sparkled with excitement, and he nodded eagerly. “yes, amore. let’s make it special.”

the scent of pine grew stronger as you and luigi stepped into the tree farm. rows upon rows of evergreen trees stretched out before you, each dusted with a fine layer of frost that glistened in the dim december sunlight. the crisp air nipped at your cheeks, turning them a rosy pink. luigi’s hand found yours, his fingers gently squeezing as he smiled down at you.

“so, amore,” he began, his breath forming little clouds in the cold air, “do we want something big and grand, or small and cozy?”

you chuckled, glancing at the towering trees to your left and the smaller, more modest ones to your right. “hmm… i think something in the middle. big enough to feel festive but not so big that it takes up half the apartment.”

luigi laughed, his warm voice echoing softly in the open space. “good idea. we don’t want to be tripping over branches every time we go to the kitchen.”

the two of you walked through the rows, pausing once in a while to inspect a tree here or there. luigi would point out one with perfectly shaped branches, while you admired another for its rich, deep green color. neither of you could agree right away, but that was part of the fun.

“how about this one?” luigi asked, standing next to a tree that was taller than he was. he reached up and touched one of the branches, which sprang back gently under his gloved fingers. “it’s sturdy, and the branches are full.”

you tilted your head, considering it. “it’s nice, but…” you trailed off, stepping closer to examine the tree. “it might be a bit too tall. remember, we still have to fit the star on top.”

“ah, true,” luigi nodded, scratching the back of his neck. “okay, let’s keep looking.” as the two of you continued searching, you couldn’t help but admire how seriously luigi was taking this. his red christmas hat was slightly askew from all his craning to look at the tops of trees, and his nose was pink from the cold, but his enthusiasm never wavered. he kept turning to you, his excitement infectious as he offered suggestions and shared little jokes to keep you warm.

eventually, you both came across a tree that seemed just right. it was neither too tall nor too small, its branches were lush and even, and it gave off the strongest pine scent of any tree you’d seen so far. you stepped closer, brushing your hand over the needles, which were soft to the touch.

“what do you think, lu?” you asked, turning to him. he knelt slightly to examine the base of the tree, checking the trunk and giving it a gentle shake to see how stable it was. standing back up, he grinned and nodded. “i think we’ve found the one, amore. it’s perfect.”

relief and excitement washed over you. “really? you like it?”

“of course! it’s exactly what we were looking for.” he reached out to take your hand again, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “and if it makes you happy, then i love it even more.” your heart swelled at his words, and you couldn’t help but smile. “okay then, let’s get it!”

a friendly worker helped wrap the tree for you, and soon enough, you and luigi were carrying it back toward your apartment. the journey wasn’t without its challenges—maneuvering the tree through crowded sidewalks and up the narrow stairwell to your floor had both of you laughing and out of breath by the time you reached the door.

but as you set the tree down in the corner of the living room and stepped back to admire it, you knew it was worth every bit of effort.

luigi wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. “there we go, amore. step one of decorating done.” you leaned into him, smiling as the scent of fresh pine filled the apartment. “it’s already starting to feel like christmas.”

you and luigi stood in the living room, admiring the tree now firmly in place. the scent of pine filled the apartment, the tree’s presence filling the space with warmth despite the cold december chill still lingering outside.

“well, amore,” luigi began, grinning as he stepped back to survey the tree, “step one is done. now, we make it shine.”

you nodded, your excitement growing. “yes! let’s go get some decorations.”

after a quick glance around the apartment to make sure everything was in order, the two of you bundled up again and made your way out into the crisp air, walking to the nearest shop that was known for having a lovely selection of holiday decorations.

the store was small but filled with the kind of charm that made it feel like it belonged in a cozy winter wonderland. sparkling garlands and glittering ornaments lined the shelves, while warm lights twinkled from every corner. you both instantly felt the festive magic in the air as you wandered inside.

“okay, what do we need first?” luigi asked, rubbing his hands together to keep warm as he looked around at the colorful decorations. his red hat seemed to glow in the warmth of the shop’s lights, and his excitement was contagious.

you thought for a moment, eyes scanning the shelves. “we need a star for the top, and definitely some lights. the tree needs to sparkle.”

luigi grinned, his eyes lighting up with mischief. “oh, definitely some lights. and I think we could use some ornaments that represent... us.”

you smiled, already imagining how to make the tree feel personal, something that would reflect both of your tastes and personalities. you were already picturing small touches—maybe a little Italian flag ornament, or something playful to remind you of your time together.

the two of you moved down the aisles, carefully picking out a few strands of twinkling lights—warm white to match the cozy atmosphere—and then you began your hunt for ornaments.

“how about these?” luigi asked, holding up a set of small gold bells. “they remind me of home.”

you nodded, picking them up from his hands. “they’re perfect. let’s get them.”

as you walked through the aisles, you both added ornaments to the basket—a tiny wooden reindeer, a few delicate snowflakes, and some simple glass baubles in shades of red, green, and gold. each item felt like it would add another layer of warmth and personality to your tree.

finally, you reached the section for tree toppers, and your eyes immediately landed on a beautiful silver star that glittered in the light.

“this is it, lu,” you said, reaching for the star. “this is exactly what we need.”

“perfect,” luigi agreed, nodding with a smile. “it’s going to look amazing.”

after picking up a few more decorative touches, including a set of gold ribbons to add to the tree and a couple of festive-scented candles, you and luigi made your way to the checkout. you couldn’t help but smile as he carefully packed the decorations into the bag, his usual careful attention to detail making the whole experience even more special.

once back at the apartment, the two of you worked together to decorate the tree, the entire process feeling like a warm, joyful collaboration.

first, you wrapped the tree with lights, careful not to leave any gaps or let them tangle. luigi passed you ornaments as you decorated, his gloved hands gently handing you each one as if it was a treasure. “this one goes here,” he said, carefully placing a small red ornament on a branch near the top. “what do you think, amore?”

“i love it,” you said, stepping back to admire the progress. “everything looks so perfect.”

next, you added the ribbons, winding them gently around the branches. with each layer of decoration, the tree began to take on a life of its own, growing more beautiful with every passing moment.

finally, it was time for the star. you stood on a chair to reach the top, carefully placing it atop the tree. luigi’s face lit up as you stepped back, both of you admiring the finished product.

“it’s perfect,” you said, your voice filled with awe. “just like we imagined.”

“i couldn’t agree more,” luigi said, his arm wrapping around you. “it’s beautiful.”

you stood there for a few moments, just taking in the sight of your tree glowing softly in the corner of the room. the lights sparkled, the ornaments glimmered, and the tree felt like a little piece of holiday magic that you had created together.

“so,” luigi said after a long pause, “what’s next? do we start baking cookies, or maybe light some candles?”

“cookies,” you replied immediately, grinning. “cookies are essential. but maybe first, let’s make some hot chocolate to keep us warm.”

“hot chocolate it is,” he agreed, laughing as he headed to the kitchen to get started. “this holiday is going to be amazing.”

you watched him walk away, heart full of love as you took in the glow of the tree. it wasn’t just the lights that made the apartment feel special—it was the way you and luigi worked together, making this place feel like home, like it was already filled with all the joy and warmth of the holiday season.

this was only the beginning, and you couldn’t wait to see what the rest of the season had in store.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

part two of the series coming out soon. happy holidays :) comment on the series master list to be tagged! (commenting here is okay as well)

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redrandomposts · 4 months ago

Note

till narrowly missing ivan in every universe, either literally or figuratively, makes me giggle and cry at the same time AUUHSHSJSH if he was a regressor/reincarnator and og/alnst!till was watching his later incarnations, mans would be bald from tearing his hair out in frustration

"LOOK BACK MF LOOK BACK, YOU JUST MISSED HIM"

"THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT AND YOU KNOW IT"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO HAVE YOUR NTH SEXUALITY CRISIS, IVAN IS MOVING AWAY TOMORROW. MOVE IT"

and imagine his previous incarnations from other failed lifetimes watching the current lifetime with him and theyre all in the same frustrated state 😭

"can we PLEASE have one lifetime where we dont end up breaking his heart ? can we PLEASE—"

— 🌦️

HAHAHAHAHA LMAOOOOO

doomed lovers and tills watching it all happen, kicking and screaming

everytime an incarnation pops up in their little hell, he is kicked and beaten up and treated as a less-than-human being until the next one meets ivan. and then they're too focused watching how till (yes, that's you, a dumbass) misses every smile and glimmer of eyes and heartbreak that ivan shows.

"what the fuck?! what's he doing?! ivan is right there, don't go hitting on her - fuck! who is that idiot!"

"that idiot is you! do you remember how you made ivan your best man at your wedding?!"

"says the one had an arranged marriage with him then went to war and came home in love with a nurse!"

"all of you are idiots!"

and none of the tills know og till's backstory. most of the time he's writing songs and playing the guitar, as all of them do, but in a more extreme way. there's a little library with all the songs the tills have made, each shelf a different life. og till's is a whole bookshelf, but the ones about ivan only starts after he first appeared here.

(there's also the songs each and every ivan has made about till, for till, to till. those are treated much better than the ones the tills haphazardly throws into their respective shelves. they're encased in gold and glass, just as unattainable as ivan seems to be.)

extra reactions according to some of my aus (except it's all the bad ends and ooc??):

omegaverse

"...what the fuck?"

"WHAT'S A PHEROMONE?! ALPHA? THAT'S SO CRINGEY? WTF"

"GUYS!!! IVAN CAN BE PREGNANT-"

"-SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-"

"holy fuck"

"it was indeed a fuck"

"did you know ivan could moa-"

"fucking hell we're all tills we're all here we all know!"

"BLOOD! GET A TISSUE YOU FREAK-"

"HALF OF US HAVE NOSEBLEEDS WDYM"

"please please please till hE IS PREGNANT-"

"..."

"what the fuck."

"HE'S DEAD?"

"guys i don't ever wanna get ivan pregnant if that's what's going to happen"

android au

"...he owns ivan..?"

"THAT'S NOT FAIR?? WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO DESERVE IVAN??"

"surely they fall in love, right?"

"don't fucking jinx it, you moron!"

"ivan's so cute... look! he's cutting the veggies into flowers!"

"hey! till! say thank you to ivan!!"

"ugh, can't he just get out the studio so i can see ivan??"

"till, can't you just be a stay at home musician?!"

"aww!! aren't those flowers in the stitching?"

"oh my god ivan hand sewed him clothes?!"

"that's not fair! ivan! you can't just give things to the idiot! or else!! ...or else."

"...you fucking jinxed it!!! ivan!!! you can't die!"

"how'd i know that they'd just shoot and never stop shooting?"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM??"

"i'll fucking BEAT THEM UP I SWEAR."

"??? why's he only just checked the cameras now since he got ivan?"

"...ivan's voice is so heavenly."

"..."

zombie au

"is it another boring one? haven't we already seen till and ivan have normal lives and drift apart or something else?"

"maybe this time, till will..."

"shut UP! CROW'S MOUTH, I SWEAR"

"nevermind that is nOT NORMAL FUCK"

"OH MY GOD HE IS ROTTING AND MOVING??"

"IVAN GET AWAY FROM THERE -"

"...ivan?"

"FUCK! HE DID IT AGAIN!"

"TILL YOU FUCKER GO BACK FOR HIM!!"

"...at least we still have ivan."

"...and till knows he loves ivan."

"...and they kissed."

".....oh fucking hell, why are you so happy?! ivan's basically till's dog! till doesn't deserve him!"

"well, as long as they cure ivan, they'll be together for real, right?"

"..."

"YOU FUCKING JINXED IT-"

"WHY'D THAT RANDO JUST SHOOT IVAN???

mermaid au

"oh my god he's a fish -"

"- ivan looks like a prince!"

"??? how can you be so rude to ivan!"

"why are his thoughts so weird? ivan's a human, not some pearl! he has dignity!"

"he's much better than some pearl, too."

"till knows he loves ivan, right??? surely??? with those thoughts..."

"i wanna see ivan's eyes...."

"i wanna see ivan's smile..."

"fuck! till, just speak to him god damnit!"

"oh my god!!! ivan!!!"

"??? where's his fishy parts?? ow, don't hit me-"

"...he looks so fine."

"hey! he's sixteen! you are definitely not sixteen, you fucking homewrecker!!"

"homewrecker?! i didn't cheat!!"

"you wrecked your and ivan's house life!"

"what?"

"where'd the letter come from??"

"how's there sea foam???"

"IVANNNN!"

"HE'S DEAD? JUST LIKE THAT?"

"HE DESERVED MORE YOU FUCKER-"

===

anyways im going to edit my masterlist to be better ig

#au idea #alnst ivan #alnst #alnst till #alien stage #tillivan #ivantill #angst

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sirjaketkiszka · 2 months ago

Text

Jake Kiszka One Shot: Sinners

Father Jacob Thomas Kiszka visits you late at night.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Priest!Jake Kiszka x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,925

Warnings: 18+!!, sexual content, light cursing, mentions of guilt, breaking religious vows, kissing/first kiss, neck kissing/biting, loss of virginity, unprotected sex, cream pie, multiple orgasms (2), and, of course, mediocre writing.

(Please don’t hesitate to let me know if I missed any warnings.)

Disclaimer: Apologies for any potential spelling errors or grammar mistakes.

a/n- I hope this will hold you over while I get my bearings. This one shot was written months ago, and I eventually decided I wanted to write a full-length fic about it, which is how It’s a Sin came to be. Funny enough, the idea came to me in a dream, if you can believe it. I know this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I hope you enjoy it if you do decide to give it a try. <3

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

The quick, aggressive knocking at your front door pulls you away from your nightly reading. It’s currently ten o’clock, so you have no idea who could be visiting at this time. Cautiously, you rise from the sunken cushions of your worn couch, the gentle crumple of the leather silenced by the clamorous mid-October downpour.

When you reach the door, you lean forward to look through the peephole. His presence causes a small gasp to push past your parted lips and enter your lungs. Without a moment passing, you rush to unlock the chain, deadbolt, and lock on the handle, swiftly swinging the door open.

“Father Jacob, is something wrong?” You ask, motioning for him to come in, “Please, get out of the rain.” His hair is soaked making little droplets of rainwater fall off the ends when he steps into your home. Too distracted by his presence, you don’t even notice the small puddle that follows him.

“I’m sorry for the intrusion,” His polite voice cuts through the deafening rain, but he doesn’t answer your question.

“It’s okay,” You wave him off, shutting the door once he’s inside, “Can I get you a cup of tea?” His back is to you, his head turning in different directions to observe your home, making you feel slightly self-conscious of the disorganization.

“That’d be lovely,” He turns his head to you, a small smile pulling at his lips.

Nodding, you rush to the kitchen to fix him a cup, letting the water boil in the kettle while you return to the living room. His pitch-black petticoat drips in his wake, leaving a trail of water droplets along your hardwood oak floors. “Can I take your coat?” You ask.

“I won’t be long,” He says, his vague attitude making you uneasy.

“Can I ask why you’re here, Father?” You maintain a distance from him, watching him as he turns from his position at your overstuffed bookshelf, finally looking at you.

“I’m not entirely sure,” He frowns, deep in thought, “I suppose something told me to come here.”

“Right,” You can’t help but chuckle, “What else did they tell you?”

“You were calling to me,” He admits, stepping closer and slowly closing the distance between you two, the heels of his dress shoes making a deep clicking sound.

“I’m not following,” You confess your confusion, your arms crossing over your chest, and slight irritation rising in your throat. Why does he always talk in riddles?

He continues his long strides until he’s directly in front of you, his husky scent filling your senses. You notice the beads of water along the sides of his face, and strands of hair sticking to his neck. His white collar stands out from his dark appearance with every clothing item being stark black, emphasizing its purity and, in turn, your guilt. Swallowing thickly, you advert your gawking eyes and hold his gaze, “Why won’t you come to Sunday service?” He asks, his voice deep with concern.

“Is that what this is about?” You scoff, stepping back half a foot, “This could’ve waited until our next house call– when I inevitably tell you that I’m not interested.”

“I’m not asking you to come,” He discloses, making you quirk a brow, “I want to know why you won’t come.”

“It’s not my scene, I guess,” Shrugging, you uncross your arms and let them fall to your sides, “I didn’t grow up religious.” You clarify, not wanting to divulge into the real reason.

“And you’re happy?” He asks, but not in a way that’s a jab at you.

“I’d say I am– I have everything I want,” You admit contently, but your eyes subconsciously trace down his stature, and you sigh, whispering to yourself, “Almost everything.”

There’s no response from him, only a heavy exhale through his nose, the air brushing your tense features. Meeting his eyes again, your eyebrows scrunch when his bores into yours, the black of his pupils doubling in size. The incessant downpour on your tall windows seems to muffle, and your ears ring when an invisible force pulls you to him. Fighting it, you notice his mutual restraint, his lips parting and eyebrows mirroring yours when his gaze shoots to your plump lips.

“Father–” You whisper, and his feet shuffle closer, but the blaring whistle of the boiled water forces you apart. The two of you shoot to opposite ends, chests heaving like you’ve run a marathon, both gazes looking anywhere but each other. “Water’s ready,” You say, clearing your throat and escaping to the kitchen. Silently cursing to yourself, you shut off the stove, the ear-piercing whistle dissipating into a whimper.

Needing a moment to yourself, your trembling hands plant themselves on your hips, your eyes squeezing shut and your head tilting back. The rapid pounding of your pulse fills your ears, making you oblivious to Father Jacob’s entrance.

When he clears his throat, you swiftly turn around with your back against the cold granite counter, your hands gripping the ledge behind you. You open your mouth to say something, but only a choked sound comes out, the heartbeat in your throat preventing you from speaking. He shakes his head, silently telling you to not talk as he steps closer.

His movements halt when the tips of his shoes connect with your bare feet, the both of you engulfed in each other’s scent. His overbearing presence fogs your mind, intoxicating you and causing you to only look at his lips. As if reading your mind, he leans forward, stopping only mere centimeters away from your face. Your noses graze each other, small pants exiting both of your lips and dangling in the space between you two.

He pauses for a moment, reveling in the sheer closeness of the two of you. Your wild eyes search his face, and his flutter close as he lets out a shaky breath, “Can I kiss you?” He finally asks.

“Please,” You let out in a desperate whisper, making him quietly groan in response. Sucking in a deep breath through his nose, his lips crash against yours, but they don’t move. The soft flesh of your lips mold to his stiff pucker, and you let out a content sigh when your eyes close. Releasing the counter, you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him deeper into you.

His shaky hands find your waist, their slight tremble disappearing when he grips firmly, clinging onto you. For a moment, you pull away, but immediately replace your lips, encouraging him to soften his. You feel his tense shoulders relax when you kiss him back, and his stiffness morphs into fluidity.

When you swipe your tongue along his bottom lip, he jerks away, letting out a breathless chuckle, and you open your eyes to look at him, “Are you okay?” You ask, knowing this must be a lot for him, and he nods, “Have you… Have you been kissed before, Father?” You question, already knowing the answer.

“I haven’t,” He confesses meekly, his head hanging slightly, “Is it that obvious?” He lets out a light laugh, the previous tension completely melted from his features.

“Not at all,” You lie, “Do you want to keep going? We can stop—”

“I wouldn’t know what to do,” He admits, a tinge of pink rising to the peak of his hollow cheeks, and you nod understandingly.

“It’s okay, we really don’t have to,” You reassure him, your hands absentmindedly tracing your fingers through his scalp, still wet from the rain.

“I want to,” He rushes out, his fingers tightening on your waist as if you were going to leave him, “Can… Can you teach me?” His question causes warmth to blossom in your chest, and in response, your face paints itself with hues of blush pink.

“Of course,” You smile, leaning into his lips again, “Just follow my lead,” You whisper against him, and he gently nods before you softly kiss him, both of you closing your eyes at the feeling.

You resume the previous rhythm, your lips moving smoothly against his. A small whimper catches in his throat when you swipe your tongue along his bottom lip again, prompting him to part them. When your tongues collide, he tastes of fresh mint and a hint of whiskey, the sensation shooting straight to your core.

His hands on your waist urge you to sit on the counter behind you and the cold surface bleeds through your thin pajama pants, spreading goosebumps down your legs and up your arms. Without breaking the kiss, you part your legs to allow him to stand between them, your spine slouching to meet his now-lowered height. Your knees sit snugly against his waist, your ankles locking behind his back and keeping him against you.

Sliding your hands from his hair to the sides of his face, you cup his heated cheeks as you give him chaste kisses, finally pulling away. The both of you are panting, and his plump lips are a deep shade of red, surely reflecting your own.

“Tell me how to touch you,” He breathes out, his chest rising and falling rapidly as his eyes take in your flushed appearance. His hands release your waist, shakily traveling down to your spread knees, resting on the bent joints. “Please,” He adds.

Nodding, you remove one of your hands from his face, and grab one of his hands, slowly guiding it up your thigh and dipping between your legs. You hold back a gasp when you guide his long fingers to press against your clothed center. Holding his wrist, you instruct him to rub thorough circles against your aching core, and your jaw hangs agape to reflect your pleasure. “Just like that,” You sigh, your head resting against the cupboard behind you.

Your hand hovers above his wrist, allowing him to do most of the work as your hips grind against the counter. Small gasps and needy whimpers push past your swollen lips, and he can’t help but look at you, his amplified pupils nearly conquering the remaining rich brown of his irises.

“Does that feel good?” He asks, his voice strained, a sense of worry lacing his question.

“God, yes,” You whisper out in a quick breath, “Sorry,” You quickly apologize for saying his God’s name in vain.

“It’s okay,” He chuckles, his eyes examining your contorted face, “Can I touch you?” He asks in a hushed voice, his hand now skimming along the waistband of your pants.

“Please,” You breathe out, nodding quickly.

Trembling hands hook beneath the hem, tugging gently, prompting you to lift your hips from the counter. Setting your pants aside, wide eyes consume the state of you; flushed cheeks, stiff peaks poking through your nearly see-through shirt, and damp white cotton panties. “Perfect,” He mumbles to himself, visibly gulping when he looks into your eyes, his fingers teasing the waistband of your underwear, “Can I?”

“Yes,” Your hips involuntarily writhe against his touch, silently begging for him to touch you. Slowly, his calloused fingers dip beneath the thin fabric, letting in a quiet gasp when the tips of his fingers meet your soaking cunt. Mirroring him, a low exhale leaves your lips, your hand finding its hold on his wrist.

“Show me,” He chokes out, his mouth dry, “Please.”

Holding eye contact, you dip his hand further along your slit, his fingers teasing your soaking entrance. Your bottom lip tucks itself between your teeth when you hold back a moan, guiding his hand back up and pressing it against your aching bud. His jaw hangs slack as you circle your clit, earning a breathless moan from you, your knees absentmindedly squeezing around him. Getting a feel for it, he maintains a steady rhythm on the swollen bundle of nerves, making your back arch and hand squeeze around his wrist.

“Keep doing that,” You sigh, encouraging him to rub quicker circles, prompting that familiar feeling of arousal pooling in your gut. The scolding heat spreads through your limbs, slowly climbing up your neck and curling your toes. His worried eyes search your face when yours close, your head tilting back, “I’m so close.”

“I don’t–” His rushed words signal his concern, unsure of what you mean.

“Keep going,” You urge him, your eyes squeezing at the sensation, “Don’t stop.”

“Okay,” He eagerly nods, continuing his repetitive rhythm on your clit. His free hand grips your knee tightly, signaling his own restraint, and making your legs spread wider. The open angle causes your climax to rise, nearly reaching its peak; the coil in your lower belly tightening with each wave of pleasure.

“Faster,” You moan out when pulses of arousal coat your underwear and his fingertips. When he quickens his pace, the coil snaps, and an eruption of heat travels between your legs, making you cry out. Your head falls forward, forehead connecting with his, and your free hand grips the back of his neck as your orgasm washes through you. Shuttering hips grind against the solid counter, jerking when the final surges of your climax dissipate, his fingers halting all movements. Opening your eyes, his are overtaken by darkness, his eyebrows scrunched together and his breath panting.

Pulling away from him and licking your lips, dry from your heavy breathing, the two of you stare at each other with wide eyes and heaving chests. Removing his soaked hand from your panties, he looks unsure of what to do. Still holding his wrist, you bring his hand to your parted lip, pushing his middle and ring finger into your warm mouth, swirling your tongue around the digits. A strained groan is held in his throat as he watches with blown pupils, his grip on your knee bordering on bruising.

Taking his fingers out of your mouth with a soft pop, you lean forward, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss, letting him taste you on your tongue. He hums, his eyes closing as his lips move against yours, already improving from the last time. Releasing his wrist, your hands find the edge of his coat, wanting to take it off. He allows you to open the coat, pushing it past his broad shoulders and down his strong arms while you continue kissing him.

“Do you want to take this to my room?” You suggest, your lips brushing against his eager lips.

“Yes,” His voice is hoarse when he answers, his hands exploring every inch of exposed skin, leaving prickles in their trails. Inching closer to the edge of the counter, you prompt him to step back, allowing you to slide off. Your legs feel numb when you stand, your knees slightly wobbly as you take his hand, escorting him to your room.

When you enter your bedroom, you sit at the bottom of the bed, looking up at him with expectant eyes. “Come sit,” You instruct, patting the spot next to you.

He nods, hesitantly sitting beside you, the low groan of the bed welcoming a second weight it's not very fond of. His body is parallel to yours, but his head is turned, looking at you, waiting for instruction. Leaning into him, you avoid his lips, aiming for his exposed neck, “Is this okay?” You ask, your lips ghosting over the heated flesh.

“Yes,” He repeats his earlier answer, tilting his head slightly to grant you better access. Your soft lips connect with his sensitive skin, his hips jerking when you leave open-mouth kisses along his neck. Needing a better angle, you swing a leg over his lap, straddling him as his hands automatically find their place on your hips— as if they’ve always belonged there.

The bright white of his collar shines in your peripheral as you nibble on the skin below his ear, making his hips grind into yours and a low groan exit him. His rough fingers sink into the flesh of your hips, guiding you on his erection. A shaky breath leaves your lips, descending onto his neck when you feel the pressure against your core.

Placing your palms on his shoulders, you push him back, making him lay against the plush comforter. Still straddling him, you bend down, resuming your kisses on his neck, your lips brushing against his collar frequently. A tinge of guilt pulls at your heart, and you gently bite his neck to distract yourself, earning a surprised moan from him. His hips writhe beneath you, grinding his bulge against your aching cunt.

Pulling back, you examine him; his blushed cheeks, long hair spread across the mattress, his usual attire of black jeans, a black button-up, and a clerical collar. His begging eyes hold your gaze, and you pull on his arms to make him sit back up. Following your silent instruction, he removes his hands from your hips and props himself up, his head tilting back to look at you.

“Are you sure about this?” You ask, your hands resting on either side of his neck.

“I’m sure,” He reiterates, nodding slowly.

A small smile pulls at your lips as you step off of him, taking a seat beside him but scooting up until you lean back against the pillows. “Come here,” You nod your head upward, and he follows, turning around, kicking his dress shoes off onto the ground, and crawling slowly toward you. As he gets closer, you spread your legs, his eyes immediately shooting to your core. He stops between your lips, kneeling between your open thighs.

He nearly chokes when you reach for the bottom hem of your shirt, pulling the thin fabric over your head, and exposing yourself to him while he remains fully dressed. Swallowing thickly, his mouth opens to speak, but he’s rendered speechless. Instead, he leans back on his heels, his hands resting on his knees.

“Take them off,” You say, your eyes shooting to your underwear, and back to him. Steadily nodding, his hands leave his knees and hook into the stretchy cloth, pulling down when you lift your hips for him. Again, a choked noise catches in his throat when he tosses the article elsewhere, eyes locked on your exposed cunt. “Do you want to undress?” You ask, taking into account how different your appearances are.

“I’m not sure,” He admits, his eyebrows furrowing with intense thought.

“That’s okay,” You assure him, “This is fine.”

“Okay,” He lets out a breath of relief, his shoulders slumping with his exhale. Hesitating, his trembling hands reach for the fly and button of his jeans, undoing both of them. Without taking his pants off, he stretches the waistband of his boxers down, pulling out his hardened length and wrapping his fingers around the shaft. Your mouth dries at the sight of him, eyes watching intently as he leans forward, his free hand landing on the pillow beside your head and his long, wavy hair naturally falling to the side, framing his face. “I’ve never done this,” He confesses, but you already knew.

“It’s okay,” Your voice is sweet and reassuring, “We’ll take it slow.”

“Okay…” He breathes out, and his small smile fades into a focused expression when he leans in more, his hips inching closer to your center. Your breath hitches in anticipation when he presses his aching tip against your slit, and a shuttered breath pushes past his parted lips. His gaze stays focused on your cunt as he rubs his leaking tip along your soaking folds.

“Father,” You use the formality, making his head snap up to look at you and your breathing stops at his frown. Initially, you think he’s upset, but his darkened eyes and hidden smirk say otherwise. Reaching between you, you grasp at his hand and guide him to your entrance, “Please.”

Keeping his eyes on you, he pushes his hips forward, his tip entering you at an agonizingly slow rate. A sharp gasp enters your chest as he inches into you, your walls opening up for his generous length. From his appearance and frozen chest, his breathing has halted as he sinks into you fully, making you both release his cock, his eyes wide from the sensation.

Releasing his breath, his free hand lands on the space next to your head, opposite to his other arm, caging you in. His chest heaves rapidly, a strained whine being pulled from his hoarse throat, his eyebrows scrunching. Your hands find his clothed waist, gripping at the perfectly pressed fabric, crumbling it under your hold. Wrapping your legs around him, you tug him closer, needing more, “I need a minute,” He groans, eyes squeezing shut when your walls squeeze around him involuntarily.

“That’s okay,” You comfort, scanning his features, “Take your time.”

A short moment passes before he finally pulls his hips back, his length nearly leaving you before being pushed back in, making your back arch off the bed. His rapid breathing levels into a steady rhythm as he repeats his thrusts, small whines mixing with heavy breaths from each pump into your wet cunt.

“This feels…” He huffs, his hips moving a bit quicker, pulling soft sighs and moans from your open lips, “…so good.”

“You’re doing so well,” You encourage him, making him finally open his eyes, looking down at you with admiration, “You feel so good.”

“I’m not sure how much longer I can go,” He confesses, pulling a breathy laugh from you and himself. His thrusts remain steady but distort into a sloppy pattern, his breathing spiking once again. Your breathing reflects his with heavy pants filling the corners of the small bedroom, bouncing off flat surfaces and funneling into your ears. “It’s happening,” He grunts out, his lack of restraint causing his jaw to tighten.

“You’re okay,” You moan out, your second climax not far behind, “Keep going.”

He nods, continuing to thrust into you at a gentle, but quick speed. His eyes travel down your naked body; your breasts bouncing with each thorough thrust, your stomach clenching from your near-second orgasm, and your legs spread wide for him. Fixing his gaze on his cock pumping in and out of you, a choked cry fills your room, his back straightening and head swinging back as his length twitches inside of you.

“Fuck!” You cry out as well, your climax happening as a result of his own with hot spurts of cum shooting into you. The walls of your cunt flutter vigorously around his cock, milking out his orgasm and causing him to moan uncontrollably.

“Please, God,” His strained whine is aimed at your ceiling, brows furrowed in desperation as his cock pulses, letting out the final waves of his climax. When his head finally hangs down, he looks at you, a look of realization painted on his tense expression, his eyes wide and lips parted. He looks pained; disappointed and horrified. Your second orgasm is a distant memory when guilt overshadows pleasure. What have I done? “I- I should go,” He rushes out, pulling out of you, making you both whimper at the loss of contact.

“Father, wait—” You rush to sit up and cover yourself with your blanket, suddenly aware of your naked state.

“I’m sorry, it’s late,” He gets off the bed, avoiding eye contact while shoving himself back into his boxers and jeans, quickly slipping his shoes back on, “I really have to go.”

“I—” You try to call out, but before you can say another word, he’s down the hall and out of your house, leaving you alone in your bed. Precious warmth turns to ice, a shiver traveling up your spine when you realize what has happened, and how it can never be undone.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Tags:

#greta van fleet #jake kiszka #jake kiszka fanfic #jacob thomas kiszka #jake kiskza x reader #jake gvf #jake kiska fic #jake kiskza smut #gvf fic #gvf smut #priest jake kiszka #jake kiszka one shot #jake x reader #gvf fanfiction #gvf #greta van fluff #greta van smut #greta van fic

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yandere-paramour · 1 month ago

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What if darling and Atalanta were childhood friends? But darling moved out of the country when she was in high school but came back after she finished her studies. Now she’s a whole new person, way different than how she acted back in high school.

So your dad is a diplomat deployed across the globe in the middle of your first year of high school. You've only been here 2 years but... your life is here. Your clothes and books are hung up in the closet or stacked neatly on your bookshelf, you have a routine of Thursday night hot chocolates and Sunday afternoon studying, and you have friends you spend your time with.

Friends... You're not even really sure if you can call her back. You're not even sure you like her, but she sure likes you. Atalanta Montclair. She spends all her time around you, even subverting your real friends to get closer to you. She's always bothering you, demanding to know whether you've had some exercise as she scoops an extra helping of carrots onto your plate at dinner. You don't even like carrots. She acts like she's your mom or something, constantly harping on you, and you frankly can't take it anymore.

If there's one good side in all of this, at least you'll be away from her.

When school lets out for winter break, you live it up one last time with your friends, then vanish into the wind. Wherever your family is going, you'll get a new start there, and as painful as sneaking away is, at least you're protecting yourself. Like most people at school, that girl has more than enough resources to follow you, but this way you can prevent that. She would show up on January 14th like everyone else, find out you were gone, and get over it like a normal person. And that would be that.

As you lay back in your first-class seat, you sighed in pleasure. You had your own little cubicle, courtesy of your doting father, a screen pre-loaded with 10,000 videos and movies, and the stewardess was bringing you a drink. Life was good.

Well, life was not good. You hated that godforsaken country. It was too hot, your dad was more interested in governmental affairs than you, and the other kids at school laughed at your accent. You're 23 now. You finished high school AND college; it's time to be an adult. It's time to go back to where you belong.

The city is gorgeous, better than you remember. The buildings sparkle, the flowers are vibrant, and the children at the playground laugh and play in a language you can understand. This might be the best walk you've ever taken.

"You've returned," An astonished voice came from behind you.

The best walk... until now. You almost didn't recognize her at first. She was much taller, stronger, hotter frankly. You felt your face blush. That annoying, nagging little kid had grown into a frankly beautiful woman. But there was no mistaking the look in her eyes. It was muted now, covered by something else, but it was still crazy.

"Yeah. I'm back."

"Where did you go?" The question could have sounded accusing if it wasn't so soft, "Why did you leave me?"

"My dad got a new job," You flipped your hair, "It wasn't a big deal."

The short, blonde lady beside Montclair put a hand on her shoulder, looking at her strangely. She whispered something in Montclair's ear and Montclair stiffened and stood back up, a cool mask coming back onto her face, "You're right. I-I apologize. Please forgive me for my behavior, both past and current."

"It's fine," It's not, but you want to leave this conversation and get back to your new life.

"Please," Montclair held out her hands and the blonde deposited a business card into it, which she then held out to you, "Let me buy you dinner to properly apologize. Anywhere you want. My treat. I'll even bring an appropriate gift."

You took the card because you had to, "Uh... fine?"

Montclair's face lit up with joy, surprising the tiny blonde woman, "Thank you, thank you so much y/n. You won't regret this. I will make appropriate preparations for this weekend, and I will send the details over to you as soon as possible.

You bid them both a polite goodbye, Montclair with a wide smile on her beautiful face, excitedly speaking to the short one about contacting someone named "Zachary" or "Jeremiah" or something like that, you weren't listening too closely. Ah, but it didn't matter. You had a great new life to live, and Atalanta Montclair was only a bump in the road.

#Atalanta my oc #yandere lesbian #yandere wlw #yandere woman #yandere girl #possesive yandere #yandere dubcon #yandere drabble #yandere imagine #yandere oc #yandere original character #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere x y/n

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torturedtypewritersdept · 22 days ago

Text

blue eyes + bruises - part ten

✯ pairing:

doctor!rafe cameron x fem!reader

✯ summary:

a tragic car accident looks like it'll be the end for you, but dr. cameron is here to make sure that doesn't happen.

✯ warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, and fear, car accident, death of a spouse (not rafe or y/n), major surgery, injuries, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity back in 2021/2022 and i have rewritten + reshared it here :)

Rafe drove slowly, almost too slow, careful not to jostle your body anymore that he absolutely had to, though the potholes of New York were not helping his case. He looked in the rearview mirror as he switched lanes, watching as car after car zoomed past him, some even giving him the middle finger, frustrated at how slow he was driving. He didn’t care, though. If those people had cargo as precious as you, if they had been through what you had, they’d drive slow too. As he prepared to change lanes again, he flipped his turn signal on and looked into his mirrors once more, noting your sweet face as you slept and smiled to himself. He removed his right hand from the wheel and moved it, reaching around the seat and fumbling with his hand until he found yours, gently rubbing circles into it. For the first time in a long time, Rafe was at peace. You were mostly healthy again and you had agreed to be his, to live with him, to be in his presence every single day – he wasn’t sure that he could be more happy than he currently was as he thought about the fact that out of everyone, you chose to trust him. He continued his pursuit, stopping only when he pulled into a handicapped parking space in his apartment complex. He turned the vehicle off, moving slowly but surely as he opened the backseat on the driver’s side and carefully pulled you into his arms, cradling you as completed the journey between his truck and the door of the apartment. He left your crutches in the car, telling himself he’d retrieve them tomorrow because tonight, he was going to carry you everywhere and he wasn’t concerned about your objections. You stirred only slightly as you felt the earth mix with the up and down movements of Rafe’s biceps as he took step after step until they stopped and started again as the air changed and suddenly, you were laying wrapped in blankets on a surface that was much more comfortable than the hospital mattress you had spent every night on for the last few months. You let out a soft grunt and he stood above you, kneeling down to make himself eye level with you as he brushed your hair out of your face.

“Hey, sleepy girl. We’re home, baby. You can rest for a while and I'll make us dinner in a little while.”

You hummed in response, slowly nodding and drifting back to sleep, the warmth of the blankets and the smell of Rafe lingering on the sheets helping aid in your slumber.

The smell of pepperoni stirred you awake and you weren’t sure if your dream of living in an Italian villa had come true until you opened your eyes and took in the essence of Rafe’s room. You took in your surroundings; the black lamp that stood on the wooden bedside table, the blue curtains that seemed to line the entire wall, and the white record player that sat in a corner by the bookshelf. You were covered by what seemed to be one hundred different blankets and you smiled at that fact, knowing that Rafe wanted you to be warm and you had remained cold continuously for the months you were confined to the hospital. You liked that he paid attention to the little things. There was a soft mumbling and sounds of instruments breaking through the crack in the bedroom door and you sat up, straining to hear. You smiled as Rafe’s singing broke through the noise, the words of ‘she will be loved’ by maroon five escaping his lips. You scrambled to sit up further, but winced at the pain that ran up your leg and into your hip. Quickly realizing that you couldn’t move without pain, you laid back down and called for Rafe and before you knew it, his blue eyes were tracing your figure.

“Hey. How're you feeling, baby?”

He asked sweetly, leaning his palm down to brush over your hair.

“It hurts a lot.”

You whined, doing your best not to let your tear ducts pool water into your eyes.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. You can have some more medicine when you eat, okay? I’ll just go grab it and I'll be right back.”

He went to turn away and head into the kitchen to plate your food, but you pulled his arm back before he could get out of your grasp.

“Please, take me to the living room. Don’t make me eat here.”

You pleaded with him and despite his objections, he caved, knowing that you had been lying in bed for months and you just wanted to feel normal again.

“Okay, baby. Wrap your arms around the back of my neck.”

He instructed and you obliged, interlocking your fingers around the back of his neck as he squatted, picking you up bridal style. You marveled at the way his muscles contracted underneath you; the back and forth of tightening and loosening could be felt against you as his chest and biceps contracted with each movement he made. He carries you down the hall to the living room, which is adorned with a wall of old records and family photos. He stopped in front of the couch, which had a chase connected to it and sat you down gently, moving to throw some blankets over you and placing your injured leg on two pillows.

“How’s that, baby?”

He questioned, searching your eyes for any signs of discomfort.

“It’s good, Rafe. Thank you.”

You responded with a soft smile and he made his way over to the kitchen which was only a few feet away with the open floor plan of the apartment. He quickly grabbed disposable plates and placed the homemade pepperoni pizza he made for the two of you onto them. He brought them to the living room, sitting them down on the coffee table before making his way back into the kitchen to grab two bottles of water and your medicine. You watched his stride as he came back to you, plopping next you on the gray couch cushions and reaching an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest.

“How was your nap, baby? Did you sleep well? If not, we can get you some different meds. You just say the word, okay?”

You giggled at his caring nature, always making sure you were taken care of before anything else.

“I slept well, baby. Don’t worry, the meds have helped a lot.”

He nodded slightly, leaning in and placing a kiss on your temple as he wrapped his palm around the back of your head.

“Can I have my pizza now?”

You asked and he giggled, reaching for the plate and grabbing it off the table before setting it in your lap. You picked up a slice and took a big whiff, the smell of homemade pizza was never something you thought you would’ve taken for granted before your accident, but now, the smell was intoxicating and you were grateful; tears pooling in your eyes at the domesticity of it all.

“Eat up, pretty girl and I’ll give you some more medicine.”

He said simply, placing a kiss on your temple once more and you nodded in response, taking bite after bite of the delicious food in front of you. Rafe moved to grab the remote once the both of you were finished conversing about you finally being home, turning on one of your favorites, Mama Mia and pulling you into his chest. You laid blissfully against him, your leg stretched out on pillows in between his legs. Once you had taken your medicine, it wasn’t long before your breaths evened out and you slept peacefully against Rafe’s core. He looked down smiling as he brushed stray pieces of hair away from your face and leaned down to place his lips on the top of your head.

“Goodnight, pretty girl.”

He whispered, the blissful sound of your soft snores grounding him enough that for the first time in years, Rafe felt peace.

taglist:

as always, if you'd like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please shoot me an ask or comment on this post so i can keep track <3

@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey @yagirlwrites @obxbabygirl @rafeecameronsbitch @klutzy-kay24 @roseczbalt @akobx @allsmilesreally7 @wtfdudesblog @urdreamgirl12 @hockeybabe87 @sereneera @annaconscience @pogueprincesa @bibissparkles @obxbigsis @jjmaybankmylovee @kulekehe

#rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #blue eyes + bruises <3 #rafe x reader #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron obx #rafe cameron prompt #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe x reader smut #rafe smut #rafecore #rafe imagine #rafe <3 #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron imagine

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my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction · 10 months ago

Text

Pussy Magnet

Jake Lockley x GN!Reader • Rating: T •Masterlist• ao3• want to be tagged? | requestinfo• MK Bingo 2024 Masterlist• ko-fi •

Summary: Jake was always good with animals.

🌛For @moonknight-events MK Bingo Spring 2024 Event🌜

A/N: I'm so sorry I had to make this stupid joke, I'm-

Warnings: Terrible jokes, Jake stealing Steven and Marc's clothes, over use of italics, typos, not beta read, railroad sentences, please let me know if I've missed a warning!

Word Count: 567

You can’t help but smile as you glance over at Jake. You’re in the middle of speaking with your friend, whose home you’re currently in. She had invited you to a small barbeque, which had turned into an impromptu dinner party when the heavens had opened.

There were only seven of you in total, so it wasn’t too overcrowded.

While everyone else were seated on, or around the large armchair and settee in the living room, Jake was the exception.

He was laying on his side, his hand outstretched under the bookcase, slowly coaxing your friend’s new kitten out of hiding.

There was the largest, softest smile plastered over his face as the cat slowly inches forward and sniffed his fingers.

He had been carefully befriending the kitten over the last forty minutes, taking it as a personal mission the second your friend mentioned she had a new kitten that was painfully shy around new people.

She was a small thing, the runt of the litter, black and white with wide green eyes. Your friend and her partner had affectionately named her ‘Newspaper’.

Slowly Newspaper crept closer to him, a few careful steps forward until she was completely out from under the bookshelf’s protection. She paused, watching Jake carefully before shuffling closer again.

Your friend asks you a question and you turn back to her and the conversation around you.

It’s about twenty minutes later that Jake comes and sits down next to you, grinning intently.

You turn to him, raising an eyebrow playfully and his grin widens.

He’s holding his shirt, a borrowed one from Steven, at an odd angle. Basically cradling it. Even if there wasn’t a bulge over his left chest it would be easy to work out why.

“What you got there?” You ask innocently.

“Nothing.” He beams at you and leans closer, moving his shirt slightly to the side to show you Newspaper nestled against him and purring.

You grin.

“You think Marc’ll tell me off for getting cat hair on his t-shirt?”

“Nah.” You shake your head. “He might tell you off for borrowing his clothes again, but not for the cat hair.”

Jake snorts. “Steven doesn’t mind when I do it.”

You grin wider.

“It’s Marc’s fault anyway for buying comfy clothes.”

That makes you laugh.

Newspaper moves a little in her sleep, tucking in closer to Jake.

You pause for a moment, watching the kitten. A terrible joke pops into your head as if it was placed there by some unseen force. Part of you wonders if Khonshu is whispering in your ear, but then again Jake would have heard him too.

“Jake…” You say as naturally as you can.

“Hmm?” He glances up, clocking the silly expression on your face before you even get a chance to talk.

You speak anyway. “You’re really good with animals…”

“Yeah.” He pins you with his deadpan gaze, ready for whatever corny joke you’re going to say next.

“Some could say you’re a … pussy magnet.”

He snorts, breaking his nonchalant facade as quickly as he formed it and nudges you playfully in the arm with his shoulder.

You expect an eye roll when he looks back at you, something along the lines of ‘that’s awful.’ But instead he smiles, silky smooth. “I have been told that in my time.” He waggled his eyebrows at you until you laughed and woke up the kitten.

____________________________________________

Thank you for reading!

@pleasurebuttonwrites @raven-rk @campingwiththecharmings @alexxavicry @whatthefishh @romanarose @saturn-rings-writes @lonelyisamyw-0love @queerponcho @steven-grants-world @eyelessfaces @angel-of-the-moons @minigirl87 @lunar-ghoulie @silvernight-m @autismsupermusicalassassin @apesarecuul @reallyrallyauthor @basicalyrandom @alwaysmicado @mangoslushcrush @marc-spectorr @soft-girl-musings @spxctorsslxt @novarosewood

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#jake lockley #moon knight #moon knight mcu #jake lockley x reader #x reader #jake lockley x you #x you #jake lockley x gender neutral reader #x gender neutral reader #jake lockley x gn!reader #x gn!reader #my writing #fanfic #oscar isaac #oscar isaac characters

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kathlare · 2 months ago

Text

dumb & poetic

Lando Norris x Amelie Dayman

Summary: Amelie, reeling from heartbreak and unresolved emotions, struggles to process her feelings in her creatively chaotic London flat.

Wordcount: 1.3 k

Warnings: just fluff

full masterlist // request over here!

June 21st, 2023 - London, United Kingdom

The late afternoon sunlight streamed through the tall windows of Amelie’s flat in London, casting golden patterns on the hardwood floor. The space was cluttered—books stacked in precarious towers, sheet music scattered across the coffee table, and a keyboard pushed up against the wall next to the upright piano. It was a creative mess, one that seemed to mirror Amelie’s current emotional state.

She sat at the piano, her fingers hovering over the keys but not pressing down. Her therapist had been firm: Write it all out. Put your emotions into words, into music. You can’t keep carrying this in your chest.

But where the hell was she supposed to start?

Rodrigo’s name was still like a bruise in her mouth, and her heart was aching from the weight of their failed relationship. She wasn’t angry at him—not entirely. She knew the breakup had been inevitable, their lives pulling them in opposite directions like two trains running on separate tracks. But it didn’t make it any easier.

The breakup was bad enough, but the lingering memories of Lando—fucking Lando—were like thorns in her side. Every thought of him seemed to carve her open just a little more, dredging up feelings she’d tried to bury long ago.

Her phone buzzed on the piano bench beside her, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Alex Wolff: I’m downstairs. Buzz me in.

Amelie sighed, brushing her hair out of her face as she stood. She padded over to the intercom and pressed the button to let Alex up. Benny, her affectionate cat, rubbed against her legs as she waited for the knock on the door. In contrast, Björn sat perched on a bookshelf, glaring at her like she’d personally offended him by existing.

When the knock came, Benny darted to the door, meowing in greeting. Amelie opened it to find Alex standing there, guitar case slung over his shoulder, his usual easy grin in place.

—Hey, rock star,— he said, stepping inside and ruffling Benny’s ears. —How’s it going?—

Amelie shrugged, closing the door behind him. —A mess. But what else is new?—

Alex set his guitar case down in the corner and gave her a long, searching look. —You look like you haven’t slept.—

—Because I haven’t,— Amelie said, half-laughing but mostly exhausted. —I can’t stop thinking about everything. Rodrigo, Lando, all of it. It’s like this loop in my head, and no matter how much I try, I can’t hit pause.—

Alex nodded, his expression softening. —That’s why I’m here. Let’s get it out. Music, remember? It’s always been your thing. Let’s make something, even if it’s a disaster.—

Amelie smiled faintly and motioned toward the piano. —Disaster sounds about right.—

The two settled into the living room, Alex dragging a chair next to the piano while Amelie sat on the bench. Benny curled up nearby, ever the loyal companion, while Björn jumped onto the coffee table, knocking over a book with a loud thud. He fixed them both with a disdainful look before trotting off to the other room.

—He’s such a dick,— Alex said, nodding toward Björn.

Amelie snorted. —He’s got the personality of Cameron sometimes. Maybe that’s why I keep him around.—

Alex raised an eyebrow. —Okay, we’re definitely unpacking that later. For now, let’s focus. What are you feeling?—

She rested her hands on the keys, pressing down lightly to produce a soft, melancholy chord. —I feel... stuck. Like I’m mad, but not just at him. At myself. For not seeing the cracks sooner. For holding on longer than I should’ve.—

Alex picked up his guitar, strumming a few chords that matched her somber melody. —That’s a start. Be honest. What would you say to Rodrigo if he were here? No filter.—

Amelie hesitated, the weight of the question pressing down on her. She played another chord, her voice barely above a whisper at first. —I’d tell him... I’d tell him he’s so fucking poetic. And dumb. Dumb and poetic. It’s what I fell for, but it’s also what ruined us.—

Alex’s eyes lit up. —Dumb and poetic. That’s a title if I’ve ever heard one. Keep going.—

The words started to spill out, messy and jagged, but painfully real. Amelie poured her feelings into the piano, her fingers finding the notes that matched her emotions while Alex wove in his guitar. Together, they began to craft something raw, something unfiltered.

The room seemed to shrink as the music filled it, each note echoing like a confession neither of them had planned. Amelie’s voice grew steadier as the song took shape, her frustration and heartbreak sharpening into lyrics that cut straight to the bone.

—"You're so dumb and poetic, it’s just what I fall for, I like the aesthetic,"— she sang, her fingers dancing over the keys. Her voice cracked slightly on "fall for," and she let it, not wanting to smooth over the imperfections. Alex nodded along, matching her with a soft, rhythmic strum.

—That’s good,— Alex said, his voice low but urgent. —Don’t think, just feel it. What else?—

Amelie closed her eyes, the memories flooding back in vivid flashes. Rodrigo’s quiet smiles as he read in bed. The way he’d quote poetry like he’d written it himself. The endless self-help books. The way he always wanted to fix things, even when fixing wasn’t the answer.

—"Every self-help book, you’ve already read it,"— she continued, her voice gaining strength. —"Cherry-pick lines like they’re words you invented."—

Alex grinned, his hands pausing on the guitar strings. —Damn, that’s brutal.—

They worked through the verses, building and refining as they went. Alex added a haunting undercurrent with his guitar, the notes swelling and retreating like waves against the shore. Amelie’s voice carried the weight of every unsaid thing, her emotions bleeding into every line.

—"Don’t think you understand,"— she sang, her voice trembling but steadying with each word. —"Just ’cause you talk like one doesn’t make you a man."—

Alex looked up from his guitar, his expression serious now. —That’s the chorus, isn’t it? That’s the hook.—

Amelie nodded, her fingers lingering on a soft, somber chord before she moved on. —It’s what I wanted to say, but never could. He always made it sound like he was the one holding everything together, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t a man. He was just...— She trailed off, her hands dropping from the keys.

—A boy who thought he was deep,— Alex finished for her, his tone gentle.

She let out a humorless laugh. —Exactly.—

For hours, they worked. They broke the song apart and pieced it back together, refining the melody, perfecting the pacing. Amelie didn’t even realize how late it had gotten until Benny jumped onto the piano bench, curling up beside her and yawning. Björn made an appearance, too, perching on the arm of Alex’s chair and glaring at him like he’d overstayed his welcome.

Finally, the song was done—or as done as it was going to get for the night. Amelie leaned back on the bench, letting out a long exhale as she looked at Alex.

—That was exhausting,— she said, her voice hoarse from singing.

—But worth it,— Alex replied, setting his guitar aside. —That’s one hell of a song, Amelie. It’s raw. Honest. People are going to feel that.—

She smiled faintly, though her eyes were heavy with unshed tears. —I didn’t write it for people. I wrote it for me.—

Alex reached over and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. —That’s exactly why it’s going to hit so hard. You weren’t trying to make something perfect. You just told the truth.—

Amelie glanced at the sheet music on the piano, the words and notes scrawled across the page in a chaotic but beautiful mess. —Dumb and poetic. God, that’s so fucking accurate it hurts.—

—That’s how you know it’s good,— Alex said, standing and stretching. —Come on, let’s call it a night. You’ve earned some sleep.—

As Alex gathered his things, Amelie stayed on the bench, her fingers idly tracing the keys. Benny rubbed against her arm, purring softly, while Björn watched her like a judge deliberating her fate.

For the first time in weeks, she felt a sliver of relief, like a weight she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying had finally been lifted. The song hadn’t fixed everything—of course, it hadn’t—but it had given her a way to process the mess inside her. And for now, that was enough.

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yourmomxx · 2 years ago

Text

Family Line

father of mine masterlist

summary: the hunt for the monster starts. We find out what happened all those years ago between Dean and his daughter.

warnings: canon violence, child abandonment, swear words, angst, daddy issues, character death, descriptions of blood, descriptions of murder, this is written like an episode of Supernatural

word count: 8,5k

a/n: we did it, guys! this is the last part of the father-of-mine series. I’m really sorry about the late upload, but I do hope it was worth the wait! This might be the ending of this series, but not quite the ending of the story … thank you all so much for sticking around and supporting this story, sequels and prequels about dean and his daughter will definitely come!

pt1 pt2 pt3

Sioux Falls 2007

It was late at night, and in Bobby Singer’s Junkyard, the lights were still on. Accompanying the chirping tunes of the cicadas, a fading pop song from somewhere in the ‘70s was trailing out the windows.

On the small wooden table in the kitchen, Dean and Sam Winchester had spread out a multitude of lore books found in Bobby’s bookshelf, some worn out, some torn, and Sam was currently leaned over a particularly ugly-written paragraph dedicated to the magical use of a pan’s flute.

“Dean, I can hear you being silent.” Sam raised his head to look his older brother in the eye. “What is it?”

Dean shrugged, threw a look at the numerous variations of old books about supernatural creatures laid out in front of them, then at his little brother.

“You’re overworking yourself, Sammy,” Dean pointed out. The keyboard clicked as he typed something on the laptop.

“Dean, we’ve been over this,” Sam said. “I’m just trying to find a way for you to not die. You can’t exactly blame me for that.”

“Yes, exactly, we’ve been over it,” Dean countered. “And I told you there’s no way around it. I made a deal, that’s it. Period, no refunds.”

Sam clenched his jaw. “Well, I don’t want that to be it.” He muttered under his breath.

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself when they heard the sound of tiny footsteps over the floor.

Dean perked up and turned his head.

“Hey, my little love.”

A while ago, the soft tone in his brother’s words would have caught Sam completely off guard. By now, he was already getting used to the way Dean’s eyes had a different look in them – one of pure love – and he spoke with a softness as if his words alone should wrap their recipient up in satin cloth.

Sam turned around to look at who Dean was talking to, and was not surprised to see a small girl trutting towards them, little legs still uncoordinated after only just waking up. Her small fists were rubbing her squinted eyes, the light in the living room must be blinding her.

Y/N made her way over to Dean and made grabby hands up at him.

Dean chuckled and picked his daughter up under her arms, placing her carefully on his thigh as she nuzzled into his dark flannel shirt.

Sam smiled at the contrast of Dean’s shirt, and her bright yellow children’s nightgown with the washed out Led Zeppelin-logo printed on.

Dean’s big hand was rubbing circles on her back, as he craned his neck to bow it down to her.

“What are you doing awake so late, sweetheart?” He hushed.

Y/N nuzzled her nose into his neck. “’d a bad dream,” she mumbled.

Sam could see the emotion cross over his brother’s face for a brief second as he made eye contact with him.

They both knew that this could – would – happen. That little girl had been through so much already, at her young age, had seen and lost things no child should ever see or lose.

They both had known that nightmares would probably eventually start haunting her, but yet, they had still not been prepared for when it was the time.

Dean didn’t know what he should be feeling, his daughter had had a nightmare, and all he wanted was to wrap his arms around her, keep her there, and kill everything in her way to becoming happy.

But he knew he couldn’t do that. And that’s why he wanted to, so much more.

“Really?” He asked instead, hand not leaving her back. “Do you want to tell me what it was about?”

“Everybody was leaving me,” Y/N sniffled, small fist rubbing her nose. “You, Auntie Ellen, Jo, Uncle Sam, Grandpa Bobby.” Another sniffle.

“I was all alone.”

Dean felt like sobbing. A heavy weight had latched itself on his heart. Oh, his little girl. How much he loved her.

“Sweetheart, it was just a bad dream,” he promised to her. “We are not going to leave you alone, I swear.”

Y/N pulled her face from the crook of his neck and looked up at him with red rimmed eyes.

“Pinky promise?” She asked.

Dean lifted his free hand and linked his pinky finger with hers. “Pinky promise,” he said.

Something told him he had made a mistake. But he couldn’t care right now.

Still, he felt like a liar.

“Now,” he said, a conspiratorial tone in his words, “What do you say we get you back to bed and I stay until you fall asleep, hm? How does that sound?”

Y/N didn’t fuss long about it, she just nodded her head and nuzzled closer to him.

Dean understood the silent command, and lifted her into his arms as he stood up. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Sam looked after them as they disappeared up the stairs. Now alone, he turned his attention back to his research. Why he was reading everything about the dog Cerberus right now, he couldn’t quite decipher, but he was grasping onto every straw.

A few minutes passed by, and Dean was still not back. Another few, another few.

Sam frowned as he looked at the clock on the wall. 5.13 in the evening. Sam realized now that the clock was broken.

Curtly, he stood up from the table and climbed the stairs to the bedrooms.

The door to Y/N’s room was open, hiding the colored sign she had written her name on (with Dean’s help) to inform everyone of her territory.

Careful to be quiet, Sam stepped closer to the threshold, peeking into the dark room. A dim night light in the form of a crescent moon was burning on the nightstand. In the bed laid a small bundle of blankets and stuffed animals, which Sam could only guess was Y/N.

Next to her, holding the girl in his arms, Sam spotted Dean, probably holding on for dear life on the edge of the narrow bed.

Sam smiled at them.

Through the silence, a soft, hummed melody reached Sam’s ears, and he perked up.

He knew that song from somewhere, he just couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Na-na na na. Nana na-a.

Sam’s eyes narrowed. “Dude, are you singing her Smells like Teen Spirit?”

Dean looked at him, grinning. “Yeah. It’s a classic.” As if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Sam was the stupid one.

“I mean, look at her,” he said, his gaze shifting to his daughter again. “She’s gonna be a badass one day. Right? One day, you’re gonna be as badass and cool as your daddy.”

Oh yeah, that girl was out like a light.

Sam just shook his head chuckling. “All right, I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

Dean didn’t answer him, but he knew he heard him.

A few minutes after Sam had left, currently sitting at the kitchen table again, starting a new chapter of the same book, Dean came downstairs.

Wordlessly, he took his seat across from Sam, and pulled one of the lore books closer to him.

And though he had an idea where his brother’s new sense of determination came from, Sam didn’t say a word when Dean started reading.

༺｡° ୨❀୧ °｡༻

Now

When you called, for a brief second Sam was worried that Dean was gonna crash the car. The way his face morphed into shock, concern and then anger, while he was talking to you on the phone had his little brother worried.

After you hung up, Sam pretended not to notice the way Dean pushed further into the gas pedal.

The first rays of the morning sunlight made their way over the hills, when Sam and Dean arrived at the Group Home. Dean didn’t bother with a neat parking maneuver, and just turned the motor off, then made his way with fast steps over to the castle.

Sam trailed behind.

They had no problem entering the building, Maria had given them an official key card for their investigations. Dean stormed down the hallways with a fast step, as if he had memorized the entire way by heart.

Sam wouldn’t blame him.

You were sitting on your bed when they came in. Or more, cowering there.

Sam was all too familiar with the look of disturbed terror in your eyes, even when you firmly avoided looking at either of them.

“Y/N?” Dean moved a step forward, stretching his hand out towards you as if to soothingly touch your shoulder, but hesitated in his movement and pulled away.

Sam threw him a worried look that Dean didn’t seem to catch.

“What happened?”

Your fingers were continuously drumming against your knee pulled close to your chest.

“’d a bad dream,” you mumbled. Sam could hear the fear in your voice. Dean sat down in your chair opposite the bed.

“When I woke up, there was …” You swallowed and hardly squinted your eyes. “I don’t know what it was. Looked like two yellow … eyes.”

Sam couldn’t help the disgusted twist his face made at the word. He couldn’t imagine waking up to something like this.

Dean exchanged a look with him. Your story confirmed their theory even more.

On the bed, you had gone quiet again. Your fingers were still drumming an uneven pattern on your skin.

This didn’t make sense. This didn’t make sense. She was dead, Cass was dead. Roy was dead. Dean Winchester was here. He left you, and now he was here, but not for you, no, but for Roy. They were all dead.

And you were next.

“Have you ever heard of an alp?” Your head snapped up as Dean’s question pulled you out of your spiraling thoughts.

“An Alp?” Your eyebrows furrowed. “I mean - yes, I came across that lore when I was still taking German literature.”

“You took German Literature?” Dean regretted his question as soon as he asked it.

“Yes,” you answered, but something had shifted in your tone. It was low and pressed. Shit. He knew he should’ve just kept his mouth shut. Sam felt like smacking his brother across the head.

“So you know what they are?” He asked instead, and you shrugged, looking at your feet again.

“Yes, well, I know that the Germans believed that an Alp would sit on their chests while they slept, and it would feed on their good dreams - plaguing the sleeping person with terrible nightmares. That’s why they used to have shortened beds, because if they weren’t lying down, the alp couldn’t sit on their chest.”

While you talked, realization hit you like a brick. Or more like a huge wave, rather, if the feeling of being violently ripped of all air was anything to go by.

“Oh my God,” You breathed out. “Cass and Roy both had nightmares before they died.” You looked between Dean and Sam with shock-widened eyes. “This Alp thing was the reason for all of this, right? I’m gonna die, aren’t I?”

“Not if we have a say in it.” Dean’s jaw remained stoically clenched as he spoke his promise.

“What did you dream about?” Sam asked.

You ducked your head even further into yourself and picked at the skin next to your nails. “’s it important?”

“It could be.”

You took a deep breath and bit the inside of your cheek. “Same as Roy,” you simply said. “Worst day of my life.”

And, okay. Sam didn’t get into college for being slow, he knew exactly what day that was. And judging by the brief flicker of emotion crossing over Dean’s face, he knew, too.

But he didn’t address it and only cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. “Look, if it really is an Alp – which it probably is – then we already know how to get rid of it.”

“We would lure it into a trap. You know, get us some … bait and then just –“ Dean symbolically dragged a finger across his throat.

You raised your eyebrows in concern. “And how do you think that’s gonna work?”

Admittedly, this hadn’t been your smartest moment, but given the circumstances you were in, you figured you could be forgiven.

Sam dipped his head. “That’s where you come in.”

“You can always say no,” Dean carefully offered. “If you don’t want to do it.”

You lifted your chin in the air. “This thing is the reason two of my best friends are dead,” you said. “I want to pay back the favor.”

Sam nodded. “Alright then.”

“So you guys got a plan?” You asked.

Sam and Dean exchanged a look and Dean sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, we do.”

—

It was loud in the cafeteria. It always was. Today, though, you were especially aware of it, because most of the noise was heavily directed towards you.

Or rather, about you, which had just the same effect in your opinion.

You had barely entered the big room and had already felt a few dozen eyes fixated on you. The whispering had started when you got closer to the buffet, and the occasional double-take and looking-fast-away-when-she-is-looking had continued when you had sat down.

Of course, how else should it be, you had been given the rehearsed “My condolences” or “I’m so sorry for your loss”.

Long story short, to you it felt like the day of Roy’s death all over again.

Except this time, they were serving pasta, and not chicken with rice.

It was days like these (which, in your opinion, had been happening far too often over the past few weeks), that made you hate this place even more. It’s not like you had had a reason for that before, the supervisors were nice, so were the helping staff and, of course, Maria.

Maria, who had taken you under her wing from the first day you arrived here. She had acted like a mother towards you, the one you had never had, no matter how hostile you had acted towards her.

Still, as you grew older, the whole thing felt simply more washed out and sickening.

Maybe this really was just a side effect of puberty, as your gynecologist had said.

As you let your gaze travel over the many familiar faces, you couldn’t help but notice that Finn wasn’t under any of them.

Finn, your beloved Finn. You then suddenly remembered the text conversation the two of you had had the other night. Before, well – everything. You still needed to stay true to that.

Silently, you made a note to yourself in your head, to drop by his room straight after lu-

A broad silhouette squeezing into the seat opposite you blocked your view over the hall, and your eyebrows shot up as you realized who it was.

“Uhm, hello?” You asked as Dean folded his hands on the table.

“You told everyone I was dead?” He asked, purposely skimming over your question.

You frowned and opened the small package of parmesan. “Well, aren’t you? About six times?”

Dean frowned and you caught him counting something under his breath with his fingers.

You shook your head, making a point of ignoring him and poured sauce over the dry spaghetti.

“That’s not even my point.”

“What, you’re saying you didn’t barge into the middle of my lunch – after the night I had – to scold me over the inaccuracy of your death rate?” You clicked your tongue. “Surprise.”

Dean apparently didn’t deem it necessary to address your sarcastic tone. That, or he knew just how much he deserved it, which you were fine with, either way.

“Look,” he started, and Jesus, this was going to be serious. “I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night.”

Confused, you tilted your head.

“I mean about the dream,” Dean quickly added. “I mean, we both know what it was about, and I just …” He cut himself off, cleared his throat, and let out a short breath that was probably supposed to be failed attempt at a laugh.

“I’m not a big … talking guy, you know? But I just … I always told myself, if I ever had kids, that I would be different then. That …” He stopped again.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

You scoffed. “You’re a bit late for that,” you spat. “I mean, it’s been what, almost a decade? ‘Sorry’ travels far, but not that many years.”

“I know that,” Dean said, “But I want you to know, that-“

“Well, I don’t want to know!” You interrupted him. Maybe too loud, if the simultaneous turn of heads was anything to go by. “I don’t want you to tell me anything. No excuses, no explanations, I want, and I need absolutely nothing from you, you understand?”

Dean bit the inside of his cheek.

“Believe me, I do.” He said. “But still-“

“No!” The dishes clattered as you slammed your hand on the table. “Dean, you don’t understand! You just left me here, at this orphanage –“

“It’s a group home.”

“Same thing, Dean!” You snapped. “Just a fancier word.”

Dean carefully pulled his hand away from the table, folding it with his other in his lap. You could feel him watching you, but you consequently avoided his gaze.

“Look, I’m not gonna have this conversation right now,” You decided. “I am going to go talk to my best friend, and when I go to sleep, I’ll try not to get killed! So goodbye.”

And with that, you picked up your still full lunch-tray, dumped it on one of the cleaning wagons, and made your way out of the cafeteria.

You never turned around to see Dean looking after you.

༺｡° ୨❀୧ °｡༻

St. George, Louisiana 2012

Dean Winchester was standing by a window. Through the clean glass he had a clear view of green gardens, well-kept flowers and trees leaning in the soft breeze of the wind.

Further away, he spotted the tall hedge walls of something that had to be a garden maze.

“I hope you know just how grateful I am for what you and your brother did for me.”

The voice of Maria Whitlock lifted Dean out of his thoughts, and he turned around to face the older woman.

She spoke in a soothing tone, one that reminded him of a mother he never had, but learned to long for.

Dean nodded. “That’s our job.”

Maria gave him a look and tilted her head. He was standing in her office, a neatly tidied room with a shelf for books and files, and a rather expensive looking desk. Very clean as well.

“What you decided to do was probably very hard,” she continued. “But I can assure you, in most cases, it turns out to be the better option for both parties.”

He didn’t like the way she talked about his plan like it was a good thing, when it wasn’t. It didn’t make him a good person for doing it.

“I’m sure, Dean, that there will be a lovely family out there who will take care of her –“

“No, no, no, that’s not what I meant.” He quickly interrupted her. It was the first time in here he had spoken more than for words. “I don’t … I don’t want someone else to take her in.”

Maria raised her skeptical eyebrows at him. “Do I understand correctly, Dean?” She asked. “You want her to just - stay here?” And her tone was implying exactly what she held of that idea.

“Look, I know how that sounds.”

“I really hope you do.”

“But my job doesn’t allow me to properly take care of her. When Bobby was still - well, she stayed with him, and we visited her from time to time.”

Maria nodded. “I understand. But what you have to understand, is, that this will surely not be easy for her. Whereas many of the elder children indeed do live here, the younger ones are usually adopted by a foster family who can take care of them. Who can love them,” she added.

Dean looked out the window again.

“I understand that,” He said. “But this is how I want it.”

He couldn’t see Maria behind him, as he was turned away from her, but he could well sense the way her observing, maybe judging gaze was burning between his shoulder blades.

“Well, then.” She sighed.

And as Dean watched the flowers dance in the wind, listening to Maria shuffling through her papers, he couldn’t help but think that this might be one of the most selfish decisions he has ever made.

—

Soft wind was tugging at Dean’s hair. Somewhere in the distance he was aware of the rippling water of a small fountain.

Dean tried to not actively think of what he was doing here. Of the consequences his actions would inevitably cause. He knew he wouldn’t be able to bear it.

Y/N’s hand was holding his in a strong grip, as they walked up to Maria and he greeted her.

Maria leaned down to be on eye level with his daughter and smiled at her.

“Hello Y/N, it’s very nice to meet you. Your Dad has told me so much about you! I’m sure you’ll settle in here just nicely.”

Dean crouched down and placed both his arms on Y/N’s for her to look at him. She had been eyeing Maria and the castle suspiciously.

“Look at me, sweetheart,” he started. “Maria is really, really nice. And because Uncle Sam and I have to work so much, she is going to take very good care of you.”

Y/N averted his eyes and stared at her shoes. Then, sh burst forward, slung her small arms around Dean’s neck and buried her face in his chest.

“I wanna go with you,” she mumbled into his jacket. Dean sighed. With a heavy heart, be broke out of the embrace. “I promise I’m old enough, I want to go with you!” She pleaded again. With every word, Dean’s heart shattered just a bit more.

“Look, you remember when you stayed with Grandpa Bobby for a while when me and Uncle Sammy had to work?” She nodded, sniffling.

“This is gonna be just like that. I promise.”

Y/N sniffled again. Then she held out her hand to him. “Pinky promise?”

I promise that we’ll be fine.

I promise that we’d never just leave you alone.

I promise that Grandpa Bobby will be alright.

Dean pulled Y/N into his chest again. He breathed in deep, as if that would somehow help him savor this moment, savor her to be engraved in his brain to never forget. His little girl, the only thing good and pure in his life.

“Have fun, sweetheart,” he said when they broke apart again.

He stood up, and even though he wasn’t that old, everything in his body hurt at the movement.

“But I don’t know anyone here!” Y/N said again. It has been her go-to argument the entire car ride to the castle.

“I want to go with you and Uncle Sam!”

“Y/N!” The sharpness in Dean’s tone felt like it was cutting him. “I said you can’t.”

Her bottom lip started to tremble, before a big tear rolled down her cheek. Then another one, and another one, until she was full-on sobbing.

“Please, Dad!” She cried, and Dean’s heart shattered.

Behind her, Maria put a caring hand on her shoulder.

“Come on, sweetie, say goodbye to your dad.”

Y/N violently shook her hand off her body. “No! No, I don’t want to go with you! I want to stay with my dad!”

Maria and Dean exchanged a look. In her eyes, he recognized something that told him to change his mind.

It took everything in Dean to turn around and walk away.

He fixated his eyes on his car a few feet away from him. He wasn’t walking very fast, but with the weight that felt tied to his feet, it was the best he could do.

Behind him, Y/N kept crying. And as she was pleading and pleading, for him to come back, for him to stay, the feeling of realization started heavily sinking in, that he was really waking away.

Not only from this situation, from his daughters cries, but from her. From his child.

His feet felt even heavier.

When he reached the car door and opened it, he didn’t feel anything. Everything happened in a haze. He vaguely registered starting the car and pressing his foot on the gas pedal.

His daughter’s sobs were still replaying over and over in his mind like the sounds of a broken vinyl, as the naked road flew by the dirty windows.

Sam didn’t address the single tear that rolled down his brother’s cheek. And Dean just kept driving.

༺｡° ୨❀୧ °｡༻

Now

Since forever on, you had never been quite good with your emotions. Portraying them, talking about them, feeling them.

It was an obstacle.

Looking back at it, you figured it was probably somehow running in your family, the whole being emotionally unavailable thing.

Could that be inherited? According to your biology teacher, yes, but you didn’t know how well you believed that.

Nevertheless, as you knocked on the cold door that was the entrance to your - only left – best friend’s room, emotions welled up in your throat as choking as a tidal wave clashing its weight over your head.

It was dark in there. The curtains had been pulled closed and the thick material wouldn’t let a flicker of daylight in the room.

A smell hung over the entire place, of stale air and leftover food, and the sensation of hopelessness. Finn was sitting on the edge of his bed, a dark silhouette staring crooked at his hands in his lap, only illuminated by the weak light of the bedside lamp.

Without properly acknowledging him, you took quick strides to the other side of the room, and without further ado, ripped his curtains open.

The sun was already lowering down the horizon again, but the leftover light was still enough to turn the dark silhouettes in the bedroom into concrete shapes, of dirty plates, glasses, and clothes scattered all over the floor.

From his place on the bed, Finn groaned lowly, like a small bear being awaken from hibernation.

He rubbed a hand over his eyes as you sat down next to him. The bed dipped under your weight and you moved over a few study sheets that laid on his duvet.

“Hey,” you said.

Finn dropped his hands into his lap again and turned his tired gaze on you.

“Hey,” he said back.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Finn’s eyes tiredly scanned the room around him, the mess it was in, and then shook his head.

“Nah.”

“Alright.” You weren’t, really, but that conversation could wait until another time.

“How you holdin’ up?”

Finn tilted his head to you in a way that said ‘Ain’t it obvious?’ and you shrugged in response. “Stupid question, got it.”

Finn sighed.

There was a silence building between the two of you that you didn’t like. You kept yourself from fidgeting impatiently on the sheets.

“I just-“ Finn cut himself off and ruffled his hand through his hair. “Ever since – well, yesterday – I’ve been thinking about …”

He broke off again, blinking with his face towards the ceiling to avoid the falling of tears.

“Y/N, the last thing I said to her, was – we fought.” Finn’s confession was almost a whimper as he looked at you, awaiting your reaction.

Your heart broke at the look in his eyes, so clouded full with guilt and self-loathing, you almost didn’t recognize him.

“Oh, Finn, she loved you.” You sighed, and placed a gentle yet firm hand on his arm. “She knew what you were going through, what we were all going through. And trust me, she never, not for a second, held it against you. That was one moment out of almost ten years we all spent together. It didn’t mean anything, not in the long run.”

Finn sniffed and rubbed his nose, diverting his gaze to his hands again.

“Finn, she didn’t die hating you.” You put emphasis on every word as much as you could, because you wanted him to hear you, to understand, to believe. You didn’t want to let him wallow in his own self-destructing thoughts about something that wasn’t even true, not in the slightest bit.

Finn just hummed, but didn’t meet your eyes, just kept them trained on his lap. You sighed and let your hand slowly slide from his arm.

For a while, it was quiet again.

“My father is here,” you then blurted out.

Finn’s eyebrows shot up. “The one that died?”

“Yeah.” You weighed your head. “In my defense, I thought he died too, until he showed up in a fancy suit, investigating my best friend’s murder.”

The typical phrase of ‘seeing gears turning in someone’s head’ was the only way you would describe what you were seeing displayed on Finn’s face right now, just before the realization hit him.

“Wait, your father’s one of the hot FBI agents?”

You pursed your lips and nodded.

Finn blinked in disbelief.

“Wow,” He breathed out.

“Yup.” You said, popping the ‘p’. “Just got a lot less hot, huh?”

Finn raised his hands in surrender and shook his head. “For my own safety, I’m really not gonna answer that.”

You let out a laugh and playfully shoved him with your shoulder.

“Idiot.”

Finn grinned. “You love me.”

You hummed. “You’re right, I really do.”

A long while later, the door closed behind you again with a click.

Finn had to promise you to get in touch with you if he felt the need to, and to at least try and keep his room in order. After a brief conversation of how his view of himself and his ‘need to call you’ was very different from yours, you had hugged him and decided to leave.

Before you had walked out, your hand had rested on the handle, and you had turned around to Finn, not quite looking him in the eye.

“You know I love you too, right?” You had said. “No matter what happens.”

Finn frowned, but if he got suspicious, he didn’t mention it. “I know. Same here.”

You swallowed and nodded.

Then you left the room.

Now you were standing outside of his door, gaze drifting into the distance, and the same weight that had been lifted off your shoulders replaced by another one, just as heavy.

Funny, how, even if indirectly, saying your Goodbyes, made the lingering presence of death looming over you like a dark shadow much more real. If only one thing went wrong tonight, then-

You shook your head at the thought. No, Sam and Dean were going to take care of it, they promised. You had to put their trust into them with this.

But if tonight really was it, then you were content with the feeling that the last conversation you had, had been with Finnegan Beckett.

The walk back to your room stretched longer than usual.

Sooner than you would like it to, the sun disappeared behind the hills and night reigned over the land.

Sam and Dean were standing in your room, rehearsing their – honestly, pretty vague – plan with you, making sure you knew exactly how everything would go down. To be fair, you didn’t really play a big part in the whole thing, but it was nice having some sort of reassurance.

“Alright, so you know what to do?” Sam questioned once again.

Slowly, you nodded your head. “Lay still and look pretty,” you joked. “And try not to get killed.”

“Leave that last part to us,” said Dean. “You don’t have to worry about anything. By the time you wake up, everything will be over.”

You nodded.

You had seen it in Dean’s eyes, that he wasn’t all in with the idea of using you as bait, but you had done it nevertheless.

You weren’t a little child anymore, especially not his, he wasn’t going to decide what you wanted or not wanted to risk.

You took a deep breath that lifted your shoulders and huffed it back out. You were going to do this. It was easy.

—

Like hell it was.

Whoever told you you had the easiest part of the plan had been fucking lying to you. Turns out, sleeping is way harder with the knowledge of probable death hanging over your head like a dark cloud.

Every time your eyes slipped closed, a glimpse of doubt squeezed its way into your mind. What if Sam and Dean didn’t make it? What if everything went wrong? What if, in the end, you did die?

The sheets were already pooling crumbled by your feet when you slipped out of consciousness.

The mass of hot bodies pressing together and towering over you was clamming. A figure was running away from you, you were chasing after it. You smelt old leather and gunpowder. It made you feel comforted. You wanted more of it.

Gravel clattered underneath your boots as you got out of the car on your own, like all the big girls would.

“Look, Daddy!” But Daddy wasn’t there.

“Come on, I’ll help you.” There she was again, the nice girl with the black hair. She held out her hand and you went to grab it, her warm presence looming you in, and then the floor opened up under your feet and you were falling into nothingness.

Your heart pounded rapidly in your chest, as you startled awake in your bed, feeling your lungs tighten up and making it hard to breathe.

Your panicked gaze flew to the door of your room – wide open, the light of the hall casting a dim shadow into the room.

“Wha- Sam! Dean!” Hastily, you pulled the covers off your body and hurried out the door. Something must have gone wrong, terribly, terribly wrong.

You followed the sound of footsteps and scuffle down the hallway, turned the lights on where it had gone off at a few junctions.

Your breathing was still shallow, but you pushed through that and your still dazing mind, adrenaline pumping through your veins with every step you took.

Rapidly turning around another corner, you almost stumbled over the long legs of Sam’s body on the floor. You came to an abrupt halt and kneeled worried next to him.

“Sam? Oh my God, are you-“

Sam groaned and moved his head, eyes still pressed shut. “’s strong,” he babbled, and you tried your hardest to understand what he was saying.

By the way he was slurring his words, you had well reason to think he had suffered a concussion.

“It’s alright, stay here,” you ordered him, as he tried to sit up.

Only then, you first noticed the struggling noises a few feet away from you, and lifted your eyes away from Sam to check where they were coming from.

What you saw almost made your heart drop into your stomach.

Not that far away from you, maybe a few armlengths, was Dean, laying on the floor on his back just like his brother. But he was wrestling with something sitting on his chest, something small and hairy, hunchbacked like an old witch but only with the size of a cat.

The thing, which had to be the Alp, had long, bony limbs, and was fighting tooth and nail, hissing, biting and scratching, against Dean.

It reminded you of a gremlin, of sorts.

In your head, you heard Roy’s voice scold you, “There’s a distinct difference between all supernatural creatures. Elves don’t equal fairies, and gremlins don’t equal goblins, because while gremlins are fuzzy and cute in the beginning and only bad later when they turn, goblins have always been known for harassing humans.”

Alright, so no gremlin then.

Near you, Dean was still rolling around on the floor, fighting for the upper hand with the Alp.

Your heart sped up as you realized that something had to be wrong. Because why wasn’t he just killing it?

“So how do you kill it?”

Sam pulled something out of his duffel bag and turned it in his hands, the dim light of your lamp reflecting on the material. “Silver dagger dipped in vampire blood.” He spoke.

“Wait – vampires bleed?”

Dean scoffed. “This isn’t Twilight, kiddo. Yes, vampires bleed.”

You shrugged and inspected the phial he had laid into your hand. “I was thinking more of Fear Street, but alright.”

Dean ignored that he didn’t know what that was, but made a mental note to look it up later.

Sam stuffed the dagger back into his arsenal.

“You don’t have to worry about that part, though,” He assured you. “That’s what we’re here for.”

Dean nodded. “He’s right. You just dream sweet, and we’ll handle the rest. Fool-proof.”

You nodded, passing Dean the blood back. You could only hope they were right.

The shining silver of the dagger caught your eye. It had most likely been scattered away from Dean and landed near a wall, far out of his reach.

You took quick steps over to pick it up, Dean’s struggling grunts making you alert, and probably the reason why you didn’t think about what you did next, you just did it.

The silver dagger felt light in your hands, coated in the dark fluid of what had to be vampire blood. The blade reflected the clinical white light from the hallway as you lifted it up over your head, and, using the strength of both your hands, pushed it with force into the monster’s upper torso.

The squelching sound it made, as it penetrated bristly fur, skin, and organs, would later make you feel repulsed and gagging, sort of like nails scratching on a blackboard, but in this moment, you just clenched the dagger tighter and pushed it further into the monster’s chest.

The screech it let out could not be compared to any animalistic sounds you had ever heard before. In a swift move, you pulled the weapon out of the Alp’s body, and the small creature slumped to the floor right next to Dean.

You waited for a second. Two, three panting breaths. Dean was the first to move. He put a hand somewhere where the thing’s neck should be.

Then, swallowing in-between his hard breaths, he nodded. “Done,” was all he said. But it was enough for a sigh of relief to leave your tired lungs, and you sunk to the ground right next to him.

Looking closer at its lifeless body, the Alp had more similarity with one of those dead, stuffed animals that hunters hung in their houses as trophies. But maybe that was just rigor mortis.

Through your haze, you barely registered Dean clapping a firm hand on your shoulder. You turned your head to look at him, eyes suddenly feeling heavy as the adrenaline was wearing off. Like sucking air out of a balloon.

“You did good today, kid.” He said, and though you were tired, in his eyes you could see that he meant it. It filled your chest with a warmth that hadn’t been at home in there since … God knows when, and it made you smile.

Near you, Sam staggered closer, still holding his hurting ribs, and tilted his head as he squinted his eyes at the lifeless Alp before you.

“Is it just me or does it … look like a cat?”

You and Dean both looked over at him, and then at the dead monster on the floor.

“Looks more like a gremlin-goblin hybrid,” You panted. “A gromblin.”

Sam threw you a look of pure confusion, while Dean was grinning proudly. You smiled back. It felt honest.

And very likely, it was.

-- It was quiet again.

From the fight and struggles a few days ago was no trace left, as you stood by your desk and sorted through some old photographs you had replaced on your wall.

The pictures you were sorting through mostly showed you, Finn, Roy and Cass together.

At school, at the movies, going out to eat.

You sighed and plucked some tape from the back of another one.

Right at that moment, a knock sounded from your door. Without even looking up from Cass and Roy smiling at you, holding a stray cat, you let out a “Come in,” at the person on the other side of the door.

The familiar sound of the hinges creaking signified the opening and closing of the door. And then, Dean Winchester was standing in your room.

“Uhm …” He was rubbing his neck awkwardly, as you looked at him expectantly.

“Hey. What’s up?” You asked, and put the photographs in a drawer.

Dean took a deep breath and looked at you. He wasn’t wearing the same casual clothes as he had been that terrible night, but had settled on his FBI suit again. Maybe for effect.

“Look, I was just-“ Dean fumbled for a second and then took a seat on the small chair that was standing around. “We should talk. This time for real.”

You tilted your head, and avoided looking at him.

Dean didn’t wait for any response, he simply kept talking. Maye rambling.

“I know I already tried, but it wasn’t my best, so I …” He sighed.

“I never explained anything to you. why things went down how they did. Y/N, please look at me.”

You had sat down in your deskchair, pulling your legs to your chest and now did your best to fix your eyes on Dean.

“What we do, the hunting … it’s no way to grow up for a child. I know how that is. And I never, ever, wanted that for you. I already had plans to end things sooner than they did, but then ..” He shook his head. “Didn’t work out. So, when Bobby died, I saw no other chance than to get you somewhere else. And I took that chance to just … remove you from my life, as hard as it was.”

“But I promise you, Y/N, it was all just to keep you safe. I never would’ve done it if there had been another way. And I wanted you to know that.”

Dean stood on his feet again and placed the chair back on its original spot. You looked away as he reached for the door handle, to get out of your life, again.

“So you’re just gonna leave? Again?” Your words were accusing and they were meant to be that way, but still you almost felt bad, as Dean dropped his hand by his side and let out a sigh.

“Like I said, it was for the best. Still is, in my opinion.”

“What, to remove me from your life again?” You jumped out of your chair, fury burning in your eyes and voice growing louder with every word you spoke.

“Y/N, you don’t get it-“

“No, you don’t get it!” You jelled at him. What was burning in your eyes were now more tears than anger, but it didn’t matter.

“For years, I’ve been trying to … to figure out what I did wrong. For years, I’ve been trying to do better, every day, I wanted to be better, because I thought —. I thought that if I had good grades, and if I started working out, and if I was always on my best behavior … I thought that you would come and get me. But somehow you never did. And I just … I don’t understand, I want you to tell me, what did I do wrong, what made you leave, because I swear, I’ll change. I’ll change, and I’ll work on it, just please…” A begging undertone accompanied your tear-choked words. “Don’t leave me here again.”

Wordlessly, Dean quickly crossed the room and put his arms around you. it took you a second to realize what was even happening, before you clung to his suit jacket, digging all your strength into it, as if the fabric was the only think that kept you from drowning in black water.

You felt the shadow of warmth, as Dean turned his head to press a featherlight kiss into your hair.

“I regret having to leave you.” He murmured next to your ear. “But what I do not regret is keeping you safe. Even if that meant leaving you.”

You sniffled, and pulled away from him. Dean’s own face wasn’t full of fresh tear stains, but still you could see the sincerity and something like sadness on his features.

You wiped your cheeks to clean them off the drying liquids.

“I’m older now,” You said, and Dean scoffed, already knowing where this was headed. “No, please, listen to me! I’m older, I can make my own choices, take my own risks. You saw how great I was a few days ago!”

“Yes, but that was one monster!” Dean countered. “Out there, there are hundreds of those things. We don’t get enough sleep, no nice food, not even nice beds! Trust me, Y/N, compared to this-“ he gestured around your room, “what we do has nothing on it.”

You shook your head. “But you’re together when you do it. You and Sam. And I just want that, I want to be with you.”

Dean sighed and took a step back.

“Please, Dean, I’m begging you!” You urged. “You said you never wanted to come back here, but now you had to, I mean – don’t you think that’s some sort of … sign or something?”

“I don’t believe in signs.”

“Well, screw signs, I’m here!” You pointed to yourself. Your voice was desperate, but so were you.

“I am here, and I want you to take me with you.” And in a whisper, you repeated, “Please, Dean, this time – let me come with you.”

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then, Dean heavily sighed and pulled the chair closer to him to sit down.

The church bells were tolling a loud, fast tune. It was ironic, you thought, and you didn’t know if you should cry or laugh about it.

You watched as two dark caskets were lowered down into the earth, into two separate 6-feet deep holes right next to each other.

The gravestones had not yet been prepared, but you didn’t exactly need those anyway. If the huge pictures were any indicator on who was getting buried here.

This was your last time saying Goodbye. To Cass and to Roy, and, unfortunately, to the last one remaining.

Funerals weren’t for the dead, you had once read somewhere, they were for the living, for those seeking closure in their desperate times of grief.

You had thought it to be bullshit, what difference would a burial make in a journey of overcoming the loss of someone so important?

But, as you threw a full hand of dark earth onto each of the dark caskets, you somehow understood. It was one weight less.

They were still here, some part of them. Something you could always come back to, they hadn’t just vanished off the back off the earth. That thought was, indeed, comforting.

Damn life lessons that are right.

“Hey,” you suddenly heard a voice next to you, and were a bit surprised to see Finn standing there.

You had been too lost in your own thoughts to even notice him approaching. The lack of sleep probably didn’t help your attention skills much, either.

“Hey,” you answered.

“Look, I need to tell you something,” you started, just at the same time as Finn said, “I know what you wanna say.”

Both of you let out quiet laughs.

“You first,” He said.

You took a deep breath and avoided looking at him, scanning the gravestones before you as if you had known everyone buried under them personally.

“Sam and Dean,” you started, “I mean, they’ve been here for a while and honestly, I never even thought I’d see them again. So I never really thought about what would happen if they would just – show up, you know?”

Interesting, Peter Gravill only lived to be 57 years old.

“But now they’re here, and I just-“

“I get it.” Finn suddenly interrupted you. Your head whirled around so fast you were afraid you were gonna get whiplash.

At your confused look, he added, “I mean, if my parents suddenly showed up on my doorstep and gave me the option of going with them –“ he shrugged his shoulders. “-I would most definitely take it.”

Before you could even think about it, you already lunged forwards and wrapped your arms around his body, burying your face in his neck and holding him tightly.

The hot feeling of tears burned behind your eyes, but you managed to put them away. You pulled Finn even closer.

“Everything’s gonna be alright, kid.”

“You’re still younger than me.”

“I don’t care. I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

The hug lasted endless, but endless went by way too quickly. You fixed Finn’s suit jacket, apologized for the tear- and make-up stains you had gotten on the expensive material, and waved him a last Goodbye.

Down by the parking lot, a black car was already waiting for you, two adult men leaning against it. They had been watching the entire thing go down from a safe distance, not wanting to interfere in either the funeral, or the emotional Goodbyes.

Sam tried not to think about what laid ahead of them, or behind them, as his niece walked towards them, away from the graves of her best friends, and leaving the only one that was still alive, behind.

His niece. How long hadn’t he said that title, let alone thought it.

He liked the familiarity of it. The rightness.

Dean opened a creaking car door for you, as you reached them.

“You ready?” He asked.

Sam could see your shoulders tighten, as you lifted your chin, and looked his brother straight in the eye.

“Yeah.”

Dean nodded, and you got in the backseat. He slammed the car door closed behind you. With one last look at his younger brother, Dean rounded Baby and took his place as the driver, Sam claiming shotgun.

Behind them, you leaned your head against the window as the engine roared and you drove off.

The car smelt like leather and gunpowder. It made you feel comforted.

And in the backseat of an old 1967 Chevy Impala, listening to the music that was a mix of Metallica, Kansas and Billy Joel, you slept the best night’s sleep you had had in weeks.

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