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outsidereveries · 6 months ago

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i think the digitalisation of entertainment has ruined the simple enjoyment of entertainment for me cause theres almost too much of it now

do you think kpop overall will ever change its direction? i dont and never have really cared for tiktok challenges so its less appealling to those who dont partake in these choreographies of kpop groups. tbh I dont particularly know exactly what I like about kpop these days bc its debuting minors so much that im like ehhh its another pretty and young group so what? most often in that case i can just like them for their songs so it doesnt particularly bother me as such yet i feel like kpop still missing something or its been crazy with debuting recently yet groups are neither standing out too much or the members are quite similar to one another or its abt the images and concepts of groups rather than the songs themselves

do you ever think its taken it too far sometimes? like its never heard of less is more and some groups simply have too many members for me to fully care deeply abt each one is quite ridiculous. idk the only way i knew of kpop is through youtube so if we didnt have youtube rn i never wouldve heard abt kpop as they only seem to aim for america

so rather than other using platforms i dont even care if idols dating or no so idfk what exactly interests me much these days cause it seems that kpop is the main music rn and theres not much else that i particularly like abt music anymore so i kind fo have to like something so i dont die of boredom itself yet there isnt much for my age group to follow bc we already had our music phase

i feel too old to be liking whats current but not young enough to care that deeply for every trend or every internet fad there is. its weird to say but i often feel like i shouldve been from an older generation due to the amount of digitalisation of most media and entertainment being geared towards those who prefer online media yet theres nothing else to genuinely like outside of the internet bc its always seems to be centred around it come what may that or music and mvs are so flashy and fancy compared to what i had when i was these idols ages

even the fact that my age would be considered too old to debut in kpop is what is mind boggling to me but then id have to force myself to fit group concepts and whatever else even if they werent my taste so i probs would avoid doing kpop unless it had been from an older generation then id like to have seen more comparison bc there isnt much to compare from older kpop vs now where there is much more

i also think when older idols have said they had more rest time due to lack of internet or social media in general, i think many younger groups could benefit from more rest time yet the speed in which they are doing all these online extra things for their fans and even then they still can get negative backlash due to their fans toxic behaviour so it like they cant really win bc these groups grow up online nowadays but everyone need the internet and so much is done via a computer system so no one can truly escape needing social media either so even if their fans complain idols do too much why are they not more grateful towards what idols do for them?

esp since theres much more idols could be doing instead of being online or trying to go viral for every small detail they ever upload

these idols should thank their lucky stars with how much tool they now have and things like smartphones and whatnot or idfk instagram and other shit like that cause we never had those as kids and in a way i wish we never needed such devices cause again i dont care even if idols get into "scandals" it doesnt phase me bc its mainly that the internet overreact to such minor wrongdoings that often arent even wrong to begin with so thats an other thing i dont care for bc it always seem to want reactions from people or their fans hold it against the idols and make the idols suffer from the backlash that they receive due to people having too many means of expressing a thought or opinion online

i also think trends coming back again it doesnt surprise me anymore, like aespas cd player didnt surprise me so i didnt particularly care for it either, we had those, same for the way tech companies tried to modernise the flip phones that we also had it just aint truly wowing me rn whether it be their merch or even a few songs recently i think bc theres so much of it and its all only really accessible via our screens again maybe if kpop had been known from like before the 90s i mightve taken more of an interest but im like ehhh whatever

whats an even weirder thought is by the time these very young idols get married the internet is not only going tk descend into chaos but i will be long gone from this screen obsessed society, thank god

another thing i find useless to me is pop up shops seem so useless to me bc a) im either in the wrong country for them, im in the countryside thus its quite a trek to ghe nearest one and b) i just dont need to collect merch anymore even for western group i rather just like them for their songs these days than anything else

i think thats the only way to really like a group without getting overly attached to its members that and age gaps as well i find watching younger groups both give me fomo and existential crisis cause i never got to do anything cool like what they have and all the opportunities these groups are given is so so different and generally it all tends to be quite overly fancy and flashy but at the same time i dont know if i care enough tbh im just quite very bored of a lot of entertainment mainly bc its in such short formats tiktok and youtube shorts reels whatever tf theyre called again it only is going to get so much of my attention before i get sorely bored of it bc its not ever going to always be in person and its not something i would need anymore not like the good ole days of an internetless societh when we had cars that had cd players in them and you could generally find a use for some of the tech we had but nowadays it just seems like its load of nonsense geared towards needing our reactions or attachments in unhealthy mannerisms or behaviours that could be quite toxic for both the idols and their fans

if we needed albums then we all should still have cd player somewhere so albums dont go to waste or so they dont collect dust but no one going to be carrying around cd after cd due to smartphones so we dont particularly need a cd player if we can already access the songs on youtube and so on

even streaming ruin so many songs cause then it only matters if songs are getting the most views not whether they are nice songs or not or if they have good vocals or not non of that rlly matters anymore as per le sserras coachella performance it clearly doesnt matter if they are or arent actually talented cause so many groups just aim to go viral online

honetly i dont care how fucked up previous generations were id gladly take a time machine and go back to a non screen based society where entertainment seemed to be more lively and freer than what we have today where its so structured snd formatted mainly only for internet trends

sorry for my long ramble just wanted to get my thoughts out somehow about the way kpop has been recently it just seems much more toxic esp online, i kind of just have to like groups from afar bc i dont want to partake in it yet i also have to find something interesting enough to like and it only seems to be found on social media these days :/

sorry for responding only now;

to be honest, i agree that the entertaiment stuff being avaiable (basically almost) everywhere lost the spark of the entertaiment itself. because of it i really doubt the k-pop industry will be back like we used to know the entertaiment the industry has given to us so far, and this applies to all industires in my honest opinion. the social medias are definitely the main reason why the entertainment is overfilled in any genre possible (i am typing generally), like you said, the tiktok videos (challenges included)! i've never been interested in the content that involve promoting their song or anything else that will benefit the idol/s. this might be due to the fact i've never been obssessed stan to the extent i'll buy my ult group's merchandise (and reading what other stans've been doing, not only that..).

i also agree with your opinion related to the fact more underage trainees (boys, girls, doesn't matter) are debuting. i've always been casual listener of the genre, to be honest and even i've had some phases where i've been watching more content of some groups but that was it, you know?

the industry though has always been overfilled with groups and it's not from recently, most of them in the earlier generations (from 2nd onwards as far as i know) didn't work out either because of the majority of the companies were small or the groups didn't worked out. the paradox here is us, non-korean fans (mainly americans and europeans) give chance to more of the groups while koreans are picky, at least that's the impression i have.

related to the recent groups being the same, YES, YES, YES, I'M RELIEVED I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS SEEN IT! personally, from the 4th generation onwards i've sensed the transition from copying other groups' in one way or another to being TOO similar (and I am not saying that this is only about one specific group, I am typing it collectively). this might be due to BTS and BLACKPINK's popularity worldwide for which I am not suprised, to be honest.

the whole industry, not only k-pop, is taking too far with brainwashing us in one way or another through simple stuff (for example what are the friendship between member a and member b). okay, let's say we should have a position on an event x and y (and etc.) but have the majority of us (overall) looked into the alternative medias, the real life, the news? if you believe only the one side, have you ever seen what the other one looks like? nowadays it looks really favoritised for the most of the topics (sorry for switching the topic for a bit) and if you want to change the world and bring awareness, start with your local issues ffs (not cursing to you)! okay, i understand the underage fans who will bring awareness for events that are very important and impactful and i agree that sns for once can be actually useful but DO THE SAME FOR YOUR HOME PLACE, EYE TO EYE, or creating your own brand with an purpose that can change many people's lives! the issue here is that the influencers should be accepted LITERALLY, to have their own mindset, to think independently and to let their fanbase be aware of things they care about! almost all of them (i am including all famous people here in this group because more or less they're influencing us) are basically promoting themselves and the majority of their interests basically make me feel "is that it? your hobbies being too different from what's the reality surrounding you?" like, i shouldn't care at all about it but ALMOST ALL OF US ARE LIKE THAT, it makes me feel INSANE! i've learned about the genre through youtube/psy becoming viral too but the brainwashing stuff didn't become thanks to his song! maybe i've been realising everything just now but it had started in the beginning of the whole entertaiment industry, the k-pop isn't at fault for it, they just hopped on what should be done according to the americans and western europeans!

i also feel old to follow what's trendy nowadays so i changed my actual interests because if i still follow the k-pop often i'll become one of the many people, you know? the time and the generations have changed without a doubt and for some things it shouldn't happen like that, for that i am sad. (this includes the things you said, if i get more deep into the pointless stuff the k-pop industry have become it'll be just too long)

basically, i can relate with you. there are more things to do than following random famous people that will be more worth it in the end :)

#outsidereveries #discussion: outside of readings

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kareofbears · 3 years ago

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A really long post about my relationship with persona 5

On the crisp day of november 29, 2019, i bought persona 5 on sale for six dollars. It was the last one on the shelf and i had to fight a random guy for it, even though i had only ever heard of persona from a game theory video. Played it, finished it in four months, thought it was great, but i promised myself i wouldnt play royal because “alex, you just spent 150 hours on this, are you really going to do it again?” so i was like nah, i wont play it. Thats just a waste of 85 dollars CAD, especially when you compare that to the six dollars i spent initially

And then a quirky little pandemic hit the same month that persona 5 royal dropped.

So yeah, i bought royal pretty quickly once i realized that university was going to be completely online. Finished it in 250 hours in 28 days; less than a quarter of what it took me for vanilla.

But the pandemic was not finished in 28 days.

Basically, just like a whole lot of people during 2020 and 2021, i was really fucking depressed and just Not Good At All.

Theres two reasons why i stuck with p5 for so long—one was obviously the timing of it all. Being stuck at home and playing a game that is pretty much a second life because of how in depth the world building and characters are was exactly what i needed at the time. It was the best escape i could have ever asked for. Second, its just a really really good game for me. As someone who literally majors in Cognitive Science with a minor in Political Science, yeah, this game could not have been more perfect for me. Its a game that reradicalized me, that retaught me what its like to see anger as a good thing, and especially fucking everything that happened in 2020, it was literally perfect dude. I mean, ryuji, the angriest boy in the world, became my favorite fictional character, period.

Weirdly enough, the game being so flawed probably also helped me stick around in the fandom for so long. Being angry about something was almost as fun as loving something completely. Ranting about something was as fun as making loving posts about my favorite character. Pointing out flaws in the narrative gives me the same rush as praising the music to high heaven. Hating the fandom was as great as finding someone and befriending them on discord. Everything about p5 sucked me in and kept me in, whether or not it intended it.

Persona 5 is the type of game that is so jam packed with things to talk about that theres no way youll play it and come out of it unscatched. There really is something akin to a ‘post-persona depression’, something that makes you want to keep living in this intricate world with its characters and never-ending playthrough length and its villains and billions of themes that dont make a whole lot of sense. It was easy, so fucking easy to poke fun at it, and i absolutely did. Still do. Will keep doing.

I jumped into fandom head on during that time (that time being 2020). Ive been in many many many fandoms before p5, but i jumped into this one with a fervor in a way that i never had before. I made video edits, learned to gif, lived on pinterest/tumblr/twitter/instagram/pixiv intensely, combing through each and every thing i can find related to persona 5. For months, probably over a year, persona 5 was my saving grace. My lifeline. The call a friend option when you’re in a game show. Id be nothing without it.

I gave my whole life to it. Every video edit took at least 6-12 hours if not more. Gifs took me a week to learn how to do and im still really bad at it (like. Really bad at it. My laptop keeps crashing cause it can barely handle photoshop lmfao). Dozens of spotify playlists, watched every youtube video i could about it, had made youtube videos about it. I talked everyone’s hear off about it—rip my beta, who knows literally every intricacy about the symbolism of running and a broken leg but not knowing jack shit about yaldabaoth (shes never played/watched p5). I made so many posts, fought so many people, befriended so many people.

And writing. Fucking hell did i write. In 2020 alone i posted over 100k—posted. Thats not counting the dozens of half written scribbles i have between google docs and Daiso notebooks (one of them being 23k—rip that Hades AU. rip that NSFW one too). I wrote blinding lights for over three months by hand, escapril in one month, one shots consistently. I had more growth as a writer in the span of a year than i had in my whole life and i thrived at it (even though i wasnt, and still not, very good, i still improved rapidly. Even i can admit that).

For awhile, this was good. Great. I was keeping afloat, mentally, and thats all i needed.

But then my spring semester of 2021 hit. it was by far the worst semester id ever had in my entire life.

My gpa dropped a lot, and for one the classes i was in i was doing so so horribly that i was at a cool 30% for most of the semester, and another i was at a nice 24% for most of the semester, and as someone who is asian and has asian parents with asian mentalities, it was a huge blow to me. Top that off, my best friend and beta had left for six months to go abroad and i started doing not great things. honestly, that was an All Time Low For My Mental Health.

I had taken a break from all social media, and had heavily leaned on persona 5 even more than i was. Anytime I wasn't strapped to my textbooks I was staring at my office wall, or longingly looking outside where i wish i was (at this point, canada had almost no access to vaccines), or thinking about p5. Over and over again, even when there was nothing to think about, I thought about p5. I was at a point where i had well and truly milked everything that the p5 fandom had to offer. I felt that i had seen everything, read everything, had formed every opinion i could, and was just grasping at air. It was so wack—i would literally get fucking sick of thinking about it because everything i was thinking of, i had already thought about hundreds of times before.

I wanted to stay in p5, i was desperate to stay in p5, because i would much rather think about something obsessively and religiously to the point where i was nauseous than think about...life. It was a combination of hating my real life and hating my “alternate reality” that is persona 5.

Strikers came out the same day i had failed all my midterms, but i didnt know it at the time. Actually, that was a really good two weeks—i didnt know i failed my midterms since marks werent out yet, and i got two weeks of NEW persona content. Woohoo! Score for Alex four months ago. She was so happy for a while.

Fast forward a bit. April of 2021? Absolute hell. I had completely stopped participating in p5 at this point to make room for classes, which basically took away the only thing that even remotely made me happy. Not great, besties.

But hey, some good news: i passed all of my classes! I literally cried for half an hour in public and called my mom immediately. She cried too.

May was good, actually. I got my first vaccine, so I could see my friends again. I worked more, got more financially stable after taking so much time off for school. Restrictions were a little more loose, so i went out more. My beta was coming home soon. Got some sunlight. It got better, but you know, depression sticks like glue and refuses to let go. But it got better. I dabbled a little into p5 again, but it was half hearted. I still loved the game, but i didnt know what coming back to the fandom would do for me. It felt like a chore to do, and i was mad at myself, almost. Why am i not enjoying p5 anymore? I love p5.

But p5...wasnt just p5 to me anymore. Its a symbol. It was...everything, i guess. Its a game with so much baggage to me personally. It went from a game that gave me the will to live and turned into something i needed to let go in order to live. I realized, really, really sadly and really, really painfully, that i didnt need p5 anymore. And that hurt. I always knew it would hurt when id eventually leave p5 behind.

So i processed this in the only way i knew how—writing. I said that i would write something that represents everything i was feeling, every ounce of depression and anguish and loneliness and self hatred, and id put it in one, neat little story that also works as a goodbye to my favorite game. I gave myself a time frame: one month. July 3rd. Ryuji’s birthday.

And i did it. Its the longest fic id ever written, my magnum opus, my starry night. The rawest piece of me, in one big google doc. I had given this everything i had, because it is everything i had.

I felt like fucking hamilton bro. I had never written so fast, and felt so free doing it. I wrote things i had always been too scared to write—a yusuke and futaba scene (yusuke in general i was terrified of writing cause i felt i could never get him right), haru being cool, ann being a little more selfish, ryuji hating himself so so so much. Emotional kissing scenes, more argument scenes, more battle sequences, a poetic ferris wheel love scene, a mystery box type of narrative, an unreliable narrative. Jokes that i thought were funny but i was worried other people might not think it was funny. Cool scene transitions, so many em dashes, so many semi colons. Ten million metaphors.

This was it. This was going to be my goodbye to these characters who had kept my company during the worst stage of my life (thus far). It didnt matter what sort of reception i got for this fic—whether it got a thousand comments or one. A million kudos or none. It literally doesn't matter. Because this wasnt for anyone but me, processing my own problems, and the characters i wrote about. It was my swan song. It was my tribute to these kids, but they felt more than that. It was saying goodbye to, and this may sound really sad, but it was like saying goodbye to real friends that had saved my life.

And im not saying i dont love p5 anymore, no fucking way. It will always be my favorite game, because of everything it means to me. Ill probably be buried and have p5v/r in my coffin with me as i'm lowered in. but theres nothing more for me here. I cant give anyone anything anymore, whether if its for the hypothetical you or myself. I feel like the end of the lorax, where the forest is all gone and its just me, looking at an empty field of stumps and dead grass.

Hell, this doesnt even mean that im completely done with p5. I mean, when it comes to the pc and the switch or whatever else atlus is planning on doing, im sure there’ll be a mini fandom boom which will be cool. But i want to get to the point where p6 news will drop eventually and ill think “wow! Fantastic!” instead of being relieved at finding another thing to cling to. I want to enjoy it like a normie for once.

I'm actually enjoying lots of different content now, which i had been too scared to do before in fear of “losing my love of persona” (wow, that sounds crazy looking back on it, but i was super serious about this). Im in the middle of playing assassins creed odyssey and im going to play Nier automata next. Im almost done watching violet evergarden (ive cried at least five times in ten episodes, its so good). I finished rewatching JJK with my beta whos finally home. I discovered lots of new artists and new songs, and i'm going to a lake trip with my best friends next week, and a trip with my family in two weeks. Im going on hangouts with my coworkers, which had been impossible to do in the past because i was so scared of the idea of being with new people. And i took a break from school for the summer, because thats the healthy thing to do.

I'm doing a lot better, i promise.

I dont know what this post is supposed to be. Telling you my mental health? No, not really. Maybe its because i wanted to give you guys a heads up that im peeling away from p5? Eh, i guess, but not that either. This isnt a cry for help, or written so that someone out there would pity me or worse, made so that this would make you want to read my fic. God fucking forbid you think i made this so i could get a handful more kudos on ao3 asoiajdasasidjao

I think this post is more of...a diary entry for my future self, and anyone who bothers reading it can go ahead and read it if theyd like. Maybe you felt the same as me at some point, and take solace in the fact that someone out there feels the same about a random jrpg?

If you actually read this, that probably means that youre probably one of the people who made being in this wasteland of a fandom really fun and worth it. So thank you, friend. We’re probably friends by now, right? At least a buddy. Maybe a coworker? Basically, thank you, whoever ‘you’ is. Thank you for reading, thank you for being there (even if you never interacted! I still thank you!), thank you for....existing in the same space as me.

I hope you find comfort in your life, and are healthy. I hope you get some sun. i hope you’re doing well.

#mine #we did it lads! we did it.#long post #p5

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jackedspicer · 5 years ago

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my worst mistake ever was giving shnitzel a crush on rhubarb because once i started shipping them i was toast

under the readmore are silly tidbits and scenarios taken straight from some of my instagram stories. it’s a bit of fun

“canon” stuff

September 27:

“lordy there are some bits and pieces about rhu and shnitzel i havent talked about yet...

for one thing. i draw them together a disproportionate amount bc in my brain they dont have THAT much screentime. itd be a sorta thing where rhubarb is in whichever episode for reasons and if shnitzel happens to be in the same room then we see the gag where he gets all stiff and DUMB [id previously talked about how he had a crush on her so bad that he locks up and gets real stupid. think of mr gar from ok ko. it’s like That.]

except there’s one episode where it’s brought to the table called Shnitzel’s Crush or some corny shit and it’s 11 minutes of the other characters mercilessly embarrassing him

also he literally never says a word about it to her. the whole time. hes silent. he just likes to give her a hand and help her with errands here and there. like carrying the heavy stuff for her stand n whatnot. she thinks hes this big sweet fella so she gives him presents sometimes

and we know hes supposed to be this big stoic guy but we already know hes a SOFTIE so you can obviously see him being secretly sweet on this nice mom lady”

November 16

“i keep thinking about a Funny Moment where mung calls rhubarb over to the catering company because shes ‘just GOT to see something’

the camera is on shnitzel who is just mopping when the door swings open and the bell rings

rhubarb walks past and says hi to him real quick and a couple beats after shes gone he just

shatters like glass

and then it just cuts to whats happening”

“i feel like i need to go into detail about the glass shattering

he maintains a straight face the whole time.. completely unremarkable

and after a few moments, in a fraction of a second his whole personhood CRACKS across with a glass shattering sound effect.. pieces dont fall or anything, it would be as if a window cracked all over because of something loud

his face doesnt even change hes just there all fucked up until the next shot”

“more than anything i am about gags where he cant function around her... over time they just get more nonsensical and painful.. i already said the shattering one but i also have one where a boulder just drops from under his apron and cracks the ground like he shat himself

the comedy of his suffering is integral to the experience”

October 5

“shnitzel will do all kinds of stupid shit just because rhubarb asked him to. there is literally no limit he just bites his tongue and does it all cause he’s not disappointing her. it’s all harmless stuff but if anybody else asked he’d be like... No

like as for the beach episode thing i posted, she asks him to bring water buckets for their sand castles, and even though part of him just kind of wants to just do the sand castle, he buckles down and brings those damn buckets! and he cant work up the NERVE to sit next to her and build a sand castle anyway so he accepts it. also chowder is there and there are too many things that could go wrong. this is his life”

November 16

“i want you to know tht rhubarb drives shnitzel to work so he doesn’t have to take the bus [this becoming routine would actually be later on but the following bit is what’s in the visible window of canon]

so the first time she gives him a ride is when he agrees to help her carry some heavy stuff for her business

and he goes up to this kind of oldish snail car and shes like ‘ahh sorry about all the bluenanas.. theyre for a bluenana bread i havent baked yet you can just put those in the back seat’ because the car is literally full of bluenanas

and it’s this really awkward drive because there are bluenanas EVERYWHERE and the stack of things hes holding is blocking his vision and hes almost dead silent all while shes making momversation

i forgot to mention that was AFTER theyd stopped at her house to get the things

she baked him cinnamini rolls as a thank you but she didnt know he was allergic so he sneezes so hard her roof caves in so they have to call his cousin beef stroganoff [a chowder oc i made ironically] and his son banzo [short for garbanzo] over to fix it [this was a reference to a post on here about a landlord’s son bonzo coming over to fix op’s roof with a blowtorch].. he ends up taking the cinnamini rolls as payment

well okay it’s not the first sneeze that caves the roof in, first he sneezes and shes like ‘oh no! im so sorry let me get you a tissue!!!’ n when she comes back theres MORE snot so she leaves again and comes back with a BATH TOWEL and THEN he caves the roof in”

November 5

[i was talking about how rhubarb’s dream was to have her own bakery before i led up to this bit]

“and in the scenario that takes place 20 years in the future, theyre married as id said before, except mung daal is telling chowder ‘because you never grew up, shnitzel got fed up and left the catering company!’

and then we see him happily married and co-running a bakery with rhubarb. as if that’s a bad thing

‘you fucked up, chowder. you ruined a perfectly good shnitzel is what you did. look at him. he’s got dignity.”

November 9

[this next bit can be attached to the previous thing i said. it’s an ongoing Thing but it’s only seen when theyre like obviously married onscreen]

whenever rhubarb calls shnitzel by a little cutesy nickname he gets all bashful.. he cant take it bro

this burly 7 foot man gets called ‘pumpkin pie’ and absolutely melts”

---

*this was all the stuff i had so far on various stories that take place “onscreen” since i figured i’d get caught up and start posting all the junk i had lying around. i have other tidbits too that take place between the sorta goofy window of canon and the 20-year timeskip, which i might get into on another post. thanks for reading xoxo i love u

#in my head the most of her interactions are w other characters but their dynamic is the most entertaining to me so i zero in on it #u know how like u have tiers of whats canon/for real and what’s just you screwing around. yeah #draws #rhubarb #chowder oc #shnitzel #and yeah the drawings are old too they were from a hot minute ago #chowder

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hachi-ko86 · 4 years ago

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dreams suck

you know what the craziest thing is? i only had one dream or well i guess aspiration would be a better word... it was to buy a coupe and work on swapping everything from the hawk. i mean i have enough to make it happen but the saddest thing is i probably will never get the chance to actually do it... i keep thinking about it and a few weeks ago i was gonna tell my parents about wanting to do it and how i had enough saved up (good thing i didnt cause then id be digging into my savings every month to pay them) but its sad to me because i keep thinking by the time im on my own and can actually do it will there be any coupes even left on the road? i keep seeing all these kids from my school on instagram working on their cars and buying these expensive parts and im just sitting here like i could never afford to do something like this... i could never financially afford to do this and it all just keeps coming back that i dont have any real dreams or motivation to do anything anymore... i mean what am i gonna do once i finish online classes at lcc i cant go to real college and i cant even afford to do it... so what am i supposed to do? i cant stay at the gym forever i cant afford to buy anything so whats the point of any of this... i cant make enough... i cant be enough... that terrifies me

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hellreads · 5 years ago

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uhhh i dont know where to put this so i thought id share if with you since you’re good at responding people. but i go to tumblr as a way to escape from my real life and toxic social media platforms like twitter. but now there are posts about bts gif makers faking their death and identity and 5 different apology statements on my timeline about *what it seems like* cyberbullying...... i guess i cant rlly avoid drama huh.

hi there bub, I know so many of us go to different social media platforms to escape reality because life can be toxic and/or banal, but tbh there is no escape if we rely on technology and social media (I see you facebook, twitter, tumblr, instagram, amino etc.) because there will always be drama in every platform no matter how much you filter and personalize stuff in your orbit, you’ll always come across the most petty, bizarre, and chaotic type of posts, interaction, and whatnot.

“social media is an “escape” but it can also be “hell” depending on the people you allow in your social space.”

now, if you really want to avoid drama I suggest you check out other options, be like Namjoon, and appreciate nature in your country, travel if you can, go to exhibits and museums and solemnly bask in the beauty of art and let it speak to you and touch you in ways you never imagined ( or do it like the other boys, visit places, meet up with friends, pick up a hobby you can do alone or with friends etc.) but If you can’t afford to travel or visit places because schedules and budgets get in the way or if you prefer to stay in the comfort of your home then I would suggest picking hobbies you can do alone, pick up a new book to read, listen to and explore new music, cook or bake something you saw in books or youtube videos, watch a new movie or tv show, or play games where you can vent your weekly frustrations from work, university, friends or family sadghfgsdhjkgfhjdskgfkja.

but if you really enjoy Tumblr you can just go personalize everything to your liking, if you see some dramatic post from people you follow but enjoy their content then check if they use tags for such posts and block the tag they use so it would no longer appear on your dash, block users if you want or have to, now this is the most important thing to do in my opinion ~ check blogs before following so you know what type of content you’re allowing in your dashboard daily, because your happiness and peace in whatever you do is in your hands, it’s your responsibility, now if they happen to post drama out of the blue, again, check tags so you could block or unfollow them if necessary especially if they’re becoming too dramatic and toxic for your liking.

I guess that’s it, in the end, it’s all up to you on how you make your Tumblr experience a good one, block the negativity and avoid participating in the drama as much as you can (if it’s for a good cause then by all means join and let your voice be heard), take note that this is just the internet and there are more things to enjoy in real life, don’t let internet drama get to you, because just like technology, people will come and go, they will change and grow up to be better or worse, and honestly even if the drama dies down, it will forever stay circling in the cloud, so there is no way to avoid the drama freshly served or not, just pick your dramas / battles here or any other platform love! | 🍒

#answered #tete-a-tete #qq #anon #i hope this helps bub ~#i wanted to use prison instead of hell but hell has more flavor and layers in comparison to boring prison cells hjsadbfghjsdbfj

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charliesimss · 5 years ago

Text

50 Questions for your Sim

Hiiiii everyone, im back from the dead to do this questionnaire 😍

I was tagged by @mada-didi, thank you so so much, if you’ve ever saw my posts you know I love these things.

I’ll tag @clannad03, @sunshinepixels and @bubble-sims, sorry for any double tags 😇

I’mmmmmm gonna do Gemma cause shes my main rp character and Im trying to develop her.

1. How old is your sim? 20

2. When is your sim’s birthday? December 25th

3. What is your sim’s zodiac sign? Cap ♑

4. What is your sim’s ethnicity? I always have just classified myself as white/american. I should get myself an ancestry DNA thing

5. Does your sim have any nicknames? Just Gem

6. Do they have a job? Im a receptionist at a spa

7. Where does your sim live? Sunlit Tides 🌴

8. Who does your sim live with? My two loves, Will and Alistair

9. What environment did your sim grow up in? (strict, loving, cold etc.) I’d say very loving. I was born as the youngest of four already excited and loving siblings, with parents who had stable jobs working with kids, so they had lots of love to share. Sure, we had our fights with each other, and I definitely went down the wrong path at first, but they were always there for me to come home to.

10. What are your sim’s favourite foods? Can’t go wrong with pizza

11. What is your sim’s favourite drink? Mimosas and coffee, sometimes in that order 😜

12. If they have one what is your sim’s favourite color? Red, always

13. Does your sim believe in any clichés? (love at first sight) I believe in the one about having cats walk your path and then having a good day or something? Other than that not really.

14. What is your sim’s sexuality? Straight

15. What is your sim’s gender identity? Female (she/her(s))

16. Is your sim type A or type B? I really have no idea, i don’t really do much psychology

17. Is your sim introverted or extroverted? Extroverted

18. What is your sim’s favourite woohoo position? Lmaoooo uhhhm, anything that has me wrapping my legs around his waist, that’s so comfortable for me lol

19. Is your sim a pet person? If so what is their favourite animal? Dogs of course!! I grew up with 4 of them and I can’t wait to get another with my kids one day 😇

20. Does your sim have a best friend? Adriana, Meadow, Evelynn, Will ?

21. What is/was your sim’s favourite school subject? I didn’t really go to school long enough to have a fave subject 🤦‍♀️ But in grade school I really liked our poetry sessions we had in writing. Don’t think i could write anything above third grade level in poetry now tho....,

22. Is/was your sim a high, mid or low achiever in school? Most of the time I was skipping class to smoke in the back parking lot, so that might give you an idea of who I was then

23. Are they planning to go or have they already been to college? If so, what would be or what was their major? I’m not in college at all but I am in hair styling school, taking the time to get my certificate for that though, cause theres no rush

24. What are your sim’s political beliefs? (if they have them) ((I feel like there are no political rulers in sims ???? except Me™)) I kind of try to stay out of that area.

25. What is one thing your sim wants to do before they die? Swim with dolphins 💙

26. Does your sim have a favourite TV show (cable) and/or movie? Does it have to be a cable movie? Cause those are no good. Im a sap, I like This is Us and The Village.

27. Is your sim a Netflix viewer? If so what are their top 3 shows. Nailed It, Girls Incarcerated annddddd, Nailed It

28. Does your sim like books? Most of the books I read are for kids 😭 29. Does your sim enjoy video games, if so what is their favourite one and do they play on PC or console? I had enough brothers in my house playing video games without me while growing up, so I never really felt the need to get into it ?

30. What is your sim’s personal style? I like to get insp from the so called ‘instagram baddies’, thats not really working out while Im pregnant thooooo

31. Does your sim have a lucky charm? nah

32. Is your sim religious? I go to church sometimes and we went growing up, I believe in mostly Christian taught stuff as far as the religious side of it goes.

33. What kind of music does your sim listen to and who is their favourite artist? I like G-Eazy, Panic!, mcr, emo bands ? 34. Is your sim a festive person? If so what’s their favourite holiday? I really like christmas for obvious reasons 😜

35. What is your sim’s favourite type of weather? Snowwww, which we barely get in Sunlit Tides

36. Does your sim prefer to start fights or finish them? Being a capricorn,,,. I do both just when Im bored

37. Does your sim have a dream job? Ive always just wanted to have a little family of my own, never really thought about a real career

38. Does your sim have any siblings? YEs❤ 3 brothers and a sister. Jayden, Mason, Emmett and Ainsley

39. Does your sim get along with their family? Absolutely

40. What is your sim’s favourite hobby? I like to draw out outfits for me to wear, or listen to music or work out

41. What does your sim look for in a romantic partner? Someone who can keep me grounded and calm, who makes me feel like im Home

42. What is a secret about your sim? I guess not many people know Isabelle is my first born?

43. What is a wish your sim has? Get married one day

44. What is a flaw your sim has? My birth mark Id say

45. How do others generally perceive your sim? I dont get very nice looks when Im out with Ali what with being so young and all, the bump I have now isnt helping. I wish people would just mind their business and know Im not just a messed up teen mom..... anymore

46. Does your sim have a greatest achievement? Graduating high school, a year late but I made it 👏

47. If they have one, what is your sim’s greatest regret? Sometimes I regret not having an open adoption with Isabelle. I mean, I get to see her but she still thinks Im her aunt Gemma :(

48. Does your sim have a favourite emoji? 💋��🤦‍♀️

49. Does your sim use Simstagram? I use this one ?

50. What is the last text your sim sent (and who did they text)? Texted Will saying “Babbeeyy, can we have thai food tonight?😇” He said of course ❣

#get to know my sims #sims 3 ocs #oc gemma #tags #thanks for the tag #mada-didi #simblr #following simblrs

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aheartyouonceknew · 6 years ago

Text

The Love that nearly destroyed me.

This is a detailed account of my experience of my love with a blogger and ex fiance, this is my story.

(please forgive any grammatical errors)

A bit of back story, i met her through a family member. When we first met were attracted to each other almost instantly. We drove to Vegas and saw all the casino's and had a blast. As time went on we both grew even more attracted to each other and before the end of the first night we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. On the second night we are getting ready to go out and I am looking in the mirror and I jokingly tease 'would you date me? Id date me' while doing a silly flex.

'what are you gay or something?' She asks me.

'I say no im 100% sure im straight but I have made out with guys before and realised it wasn’t for me.'

She goes wide eyed and freezes up. I ask her what's wrong, but she refuses to look at me or even touch me. I then realised she actually may be homophobic, and I tell her im not gay. She is stone cold. I then realised she as a practicing Christian, that this was a big no no for her.

I tell her that’s all in the past, and that I am comfortable with who I am. She refuses to speak to me or look at me, so i give up and I leave the room upset.

Later that night after dinner, I see her again, she tells me not to talk about it again and we should just forget about it. We have a blast in Vegas, get very drunk. We have this amazing connection and attraction towards her. Sadly the trip had to end but we both decide to meet again.

A couple of days later i meet in her home town in a motel, met her little one and it was fantastic. That same night i get a message from my ex gf asking how my trip was. She glares at me, demanding to know who I was talking to. I panic and casually tell her 'just an old friend.' She demands to know who it is and asks me for my phone. I oblige, she tgen scrolls and see's old texts of my ex and i.

She flips out.

Bare in mind this was less then a week of knowing each other. I didn’t even get a chance to delete my Tinder (to which she saw). I tried to explain to her that this was all moving so fast and I hadnt had the time to sort all these things or even consider them at the time.

So we are in the motel room and she flips out, grabbing her things and is ready to leave. Im on my knee's telling her im sorry etc. She looks at me and asks me what I am willing to do to be with her. I say anything. She says 'ok delete and create a new facebook'.

Im shocked, over 10 years of memories and family photos? Gone?

I tell her I cant do that cause those were too sentimental.

She then decides she wants me to block and delete any female friends I had a relationship sexual or non sexual, she then demands I delete my Snapchat and Instagram accounts. I obliged.

The next thing I regret doing so the most, is to my ex gf of mine.

She tells me to message her, and tell her that I don’t ever want to talk to her ever again (within those terms). I did so, and I felt like a scumbag for hurting thst poor girl that did nothing ill towards me.

After a long hours talk of me asking for forgiveness, we make up.

A week later she decides to bring herself and her little one to my mums house to feel how we are together. My dream is to be a father and I would love her child like my own.

So we are at the house and it was the most perfect week of my life, it was bliss and I knew I wanted this. After the week ended I then realised I had one week left. We were both devastated as I had to fly back to Bali to work for my dad. I then wanted to prove my commitment to her (because I was in love with her at the time) .

So that night I went into my backyard while she was in the living room and dressed up in a black suit and lit an array of candles in my back yard. I messaged her to come out, and I was standing there, she smiled beautifully and kept laughing, I grabbed her by the had and said, 'I may not have much right now, so I cant give you a ring. But what I can give you is a promise that I want to share my life with you.' I then turned to her little one and gave a solem vow to protect her and care for her as my own.

The next day we contact her parents, and they are shocked and scared. Everything is happening so quickly, too quickly they say. But after a long talk, the father and mother gave me their blessing. I promised to take care of their daughter and gave them my word. Lots of tears of joy were shed.

The day arrives when I have to leave, I take the plane back and meet my dad and step mum. I told my dad that I was engaged and he gives me this sour look, 'you only knew her for less then a month, what do you know of love?'.

My dad had promised me work to build echo friendly villas, to which he promised me a stable income in which I could provide for her and her little one when they were here.

What my dad didn’t tell me was that a deal he had fell through, and that the money that was supposed to come in to build the resort wont be available so the resort building is postponed. He tells me I can work for him as a manager, but will only pay me when the business starts to take off and I show my worth.

I am furious.

I had this whole plan that I was relying on my dad, I believed in him to keep his word. Now that it had fell through not only did I feel like I lied to her but her family as well. I asked my dad would it be ok if she was welcome to come live here?

He said of course, I'll support her in any way I can. So I talked to my Fiance and she asks 'will he buy us the tickets?As I already spent hundreds of dollars on passports and luggage.'

I tell her he said any way he can.

I then have a conference call with my dad and fiance. My fiance asks when can he book the tickets for the trip?

I never said that he says.

He explains when he will support her anyway he can means when she gets here with her own money. (take in mind I left my old job in australia and have $0 to my name) So another lie in her eyes and to her family.

I talk to my dad and I tell him, if she cant be here then Im going back to the US, he says ok. ‘If you really love her I'll pay for your ticket’. I tell her about me going back, she asks if there is anything I can do to make some money? I tell her I have my camera and gopros that I could sell. She says 'good sell them' I hesitate, the camera's have sentimental value as they were the first gift my dad ever sent me. She then takes my hesitation as a message of unloyalty. She then yells abuse at me over and over, repeating my faults and telling her of her willingness to sacrifice everything. (to which I understand).

I then promise her to sell the cameras to get my tickets to the US as my dad has proven unreliable. But I hold back from selling the camera's, I don’t tell her about this as I am hoping my dad will follow through.

That night my dad is upset at me for coming here and giving up on the family for '' some chick in the US''. I felt torn on both ends, but I do love my fiance and I will fight for her. He tells me if that’s the case then I ill receive no support from him.

Later that night I responded to all the well wishes of the engagement, an old french high school friend (who is a lesbian) contacted me. I say thank you beautiful as I nickname her beautiful as I have always done. I then get a phone call of my fiance yelling at me saying I shouldn’t compliment any girl, and that I should be her main focus. I try to explain my reasoning but she wouldn’t listen so again I apologies and accept defeat.

A couple of days go by and my fiance asks if I had posted the cameras, I said not yet but I am doing so now. More hurled abuse, more fighting. I post the camera's and get terrible prices for them that would barely get me to the US.

Later that night my fiance calls me up, she is so happy. My mum and her have decided to pitch in to get me here, and that I can sell the camera's in the US for a better price. And that it would be best if we move to Australia together and when I get settled I can pay her and my mum back for the ticket.

But there was a catch,

I have to leave the next night. My fiance urges me to tell my dad of me leaving but I don’t. I hold off in telling my dad at the last second as he had my passport in holding, I feared he would refuse to give me my passport and not let me leave.

When i finally have the passport in my hands i decode to break the news to him.

He is devastated.

I then feel sorry for him and I give him one of my best go pro's to use for his surfing and that he can pay me whatever feels right. So later that night I fly to the US.

Once I arrived, we finally met. She decided to stay at my mothers house while my mother was in paris on a holiday, it would just be me and her.

It was as if a day had not gone by, the same feelings arose and all was well. I took care of her little one by changing the diapers, feeding, and playing. I was in bliss, I wanted to prove to her and show her I could do this. One thing that I never told her was I did feel a lot of shame how I left things with my dad, and I was quite upset, but I put on a smile whenever I could. Later that day i get a message from my dad and found out my dad decided to just pay me $100 ¼ of what the camera was worth, i kind of minded on the sale being so cheap.

She also was not happy, she yells at me, demanding that I pay her the money I owe her by selling the camera's. The next day I successfully sell part of my camera sets and pay her back and she is happy.

One day I am feeling very horny, I tease her and I am extra affectionate towards her. I tell her she is beautiful and does this to me and that I am so lucky to have a girl like her. As the day goes by I am still like a dog on heat. She leads me to the bed room. I get super excited and playful, she then pushes me away and says 'im going to masturbate now.' Im like 'awesome sure let me help'.

‘No, I dont want you touching me but we can masturbate side by side’.

At first I thought she was joking, but at the same time I am extremely hurt.

I think to myself...

'Did I do anything wrong?'

'Is she still attracted to me?'

So I am visibly upset I get up and put my clothes on and leave the room. After about 20 minutes she comes out and I am still upset at her. I tell her Im just going to lie down for a bit, she lays next to me and asks if im ok and apologises for not wanting to sleep with me as she wasnt feeling well. I then tell her don’t worry about it, I'll get over it. I then jokingly told her that I kinda went to lie down so I could masturbate as I needed to release myself.

She then leaves the room. I then emerge from the room relaxed and satisfied. She is scowling at me packing her bags.... She is furious that I decided to masturbate and demanded if I masturbated to other girls or to porn?

I am in disbelief as I felt like there were some double standards. It’s the hotel room all over again, I beg for her not to leave, but she decides to stay.

*Just a note, I respect a women's choice to refuse sex to a man if she doesn’t feel like it. But I cant help to feel upset.*

A couple of days go by my mother returns from paris and she goes back to her home town. We both plan on me visiting her family and me staying at her dads or sisters house while there. Unfortunately they both said they couldn’t house me. She then asks to sell the rest of the gear so I could rent a motel for us to stay. I agree. After the phone call i talk to my mum and tell her everything, my mum says that its only fair i pay her back as well, since i did so with Carolyn.

Yet again I am at a crossroads, but I made a promise to pay my mother back so I agreed to pay my mum. I told my fiance that I will still be seeing her but I would only stay for during the day as I cant afford the motel. She is furious, 'what about the money from the camera gear?' I try to explain to her. But she refuses to listen. Yelling above my voice not giving me a chance to speak she tells me not to come, and that she is sick of the empty promises I never fulfil. She removes our engagement status and blocks me on all forms of social media.

I am devastated, im a heaping sobbing mess to my mum. I love her I really do....I cry. I decided to accept things as they were, so I decided to install Tinder (more to which to heal my wounds and insecurities of being dumped). With the app installed im staring at the swipe screen, and I just cant do it. So I uninstall the app.

I decided to heal the bridges I destroyed and contacted my old ex. I call her just telling her i was sorry for what I had said/done.

'You really hurt me, you really really hurt me' she cried. I cried.

'But I forgive you, because I don’t believe in holding onto hate.' I cry again.

After the talk I felt better that she accepted my apology, but sad knowing things may never be as they were. But it felt good to hear her laugh again.

Later that night I was trying to relax when I get a phone call.

Its my now ex fiance.

I ask her what does she want? She then tells me she didn’t feel like things ended correctly and wanted to make things right. I had enough

Correctly? None of this has ended correctly. I yell.

I tell her that the real reason she is calling is to mask this guilt, I told her I did my best with the cards I was dealt but it was never enough. But to know I at least tried and never gave up on her. The real person who is given up is you.

I then hung up. (and yes that was dramatic as it was in the heat of the moment).

She calls me back, and I ask her. Do you really love me? Yes shes tells me. My heart ache's.

I then tell her that i love her and that I will see her tomorrow to have a real talk.

The next day I take the train to see her, she hops out of the uber and is skipping towards me in a joyful mood. Im cold and numb by this point, i have an emotional barrier up. She hugs me, kissing my arm etc.

'Lets talk.'

We go into the café and sit across from each other in an awkward silence. I tell her I am doing the best I can, and that I believe once I am in control of my own life in Australia we can finally have a normal life. She tells me she loves me and wants that too. She wants things to work, and I really felt like she does. We make up and everything is perfect again, but then she stops and has this smile...Like she is looking forward to something.

She then asks, 'Did you install Tinder?'

I am completely caught off guard and blurt out 'no', as I uninstalled the app. She pulls out the phone in this satisfied smile and ask 'then whats this?' Showing my tinder profile.

I tell her that yes, i installed it but never used it.

'have you been talking to any other girls on social media?'

I decided to tell the truth.

‘Yes, my ex...but only to sa-’,She then gets up and leaves

'if your talking to her again why don’t you just be with her.' And she walks out.

And that’s when I felt like I was done, emotionally just done.

A couple weeks have gone by, and she's moved on.

Although I do look her up from time to time, I am glad that she is happy, I decided to tell this story because I felt like this is part of my healing process. I really did love her. But i dont think she ever loved me.

I felt like she loved the idea of me being a father role, but never really loved me.

She is a hypocrite in most cases on her stances towards men, but that is her reality. I respect her beliefs and her views to empower women but at the same time its contradictory, I dont judge her on her stance towards homosexuality or if religious views.

I moved my life for a love that never deserved or appreciated me, the control factor is scary. The mind games of her holding onto that tinder info waiting to use it on me like a loaded gun showed me she enjoys the control over men.

But don’t get me wrong, this poor girl has been through so much and I understand her distrust towards men (its why I put up with everything). At the same time I do feel sorry for her because of the men in her past has left her broken, its the sad fact of one persons crazy is another persons reality.

If any of you that read this, that has suffered from emotional abuse please dont hesitate to reach out.

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chimcharstar · 4 years ago

Note

ANSWER 1 THROUGH 65 HO

65 Questions You Aren't Used To

WPOOOOO LETS GO

Y E E T

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

nnnnooooooo. its called holding onto my last marble.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

1. sometimes i can freak myself out going to the bathroom at night but bro. i take walks at like 11pm or whenever the hell i please. and i LIKE IT.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

i would not care to meet dick face

4. What is your favorite word?

worm

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

well darn i dont really knowwww!!!!!!! the big jungle one from minecraft. but i love weeping willows of course.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

i didnt think

7. What shirt are you wearing?

my pyjama shirt from new vegas. las vegas. oh my god. not that i went there. my friend did. ive been wearing it for 3 days now. because its fine.

8. What do you label yourself as?

androgynouOOUUSSSSSSS i heard it described the most accurately for me as “in between blue and pink, purple is a blend while not being either of them.” yes this SPECIFICALLY. i could never be feminine while female presenting, but now that im usually read as masculine i go around seeming gay as fuck. and even though this sounds like heresy considering how i instinctively want to throat punch people who feminize me, i have comfortably considered myself a woman lately ONLYYYYYYYY BY being as butch as a butch can possibly butch. maybe without the cars. i would NEVER go by she/her NEVER NEVER NEVER. like there literally are butch women who go on T and use he/him pronouns. that brings me euphoria too and i find people reallllyyyyyy get mind-bent at this point. i really also get irritated at the idea that identifying with both lessens one or the other... thats why i like the purple thing so much. like im 100% of the thing. i was watching on queer eye, once, there was this part where all these women met up and one of them who was really masculine was saying how “a woman can look like this too” and i was like “i am probably crying for an important reason right now” and sometimes i feel attraction to women that is nOT of the ManTM just... i can do what i want.

but my point is it’s like im only happy if i have a blend. theres even a particular quality of it i can put my finger on, like a rugged, handsome feel... and then a flamboyant, passionate feel... mix em all up...

9. Bright room or dark room?

BRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

GUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

transition juice, or fucking around with cs paint with some gentle existential dread

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

this one, because my life is not hell, and i know a few basics about adulting now

12. Who told you they loved you last?

the sister. i said it for damage control because she had blown a fuse the other day. i was being very fake on purpose because i’m not being vulnerable with someone who will blow up. when she says it all i feel is pain. like cold paralyzing needles in my soul. i cant say i love you to her and mean it, even if i want to. honestly i wish people would say this to me. the most i love yous i remember are from family members putting band aids on the wreckage of our relationships, so i can feel a little twang of guilt and longing for what could have been and should have been. and feel like i should be doing something more. and feeling awkward because you both know they fucked up and it’s the elephant in the room. and i can feel their confusion and sickness causing them pain, feeling that pain for them.

13. Your worst enemy?

hmmm. anyone who made me feel like less than i am. anyone

14. What is your current desktop picture?

cherry blossoms and a city at night that i stole off the internet

15. Do you like someone?

like like crushes right? i fucking wish. i am so god damn sick of myself. i dont feel fuck or shit for anyone. its a fucking wasteland. yes im on T so i want to fuck anything that moves. and yet? can i please have some feelings? please may i have some feelings? not aesthetic appreciation. not moral, personality appreciation. or even just a deep respect and compassion. these are all fine things of course. but cant someone just drive me crazy? cant i have that extra spice of life? cant i just have a little bit of happy crazy? i will know a perfectly lovely person and ill WANT to have feelings for them. but i FUCKEN DONT. I DONT!!!! SHIT!!!!! WHAT IS THE MEANIGN?!?!??!??!?!1 i have fucking YET to meet anyone im more obsessed with than some really gay ocs. come on universe!!!! bring it!!! poor oscar. poor fucking oscar. whatever wavelength im vibing on man you are not on it. i wish you were on it. i wish you were on it oscar. you are hot you are hot with your bike oscar. and the rose quartz i gave you. the rose quartz you wanted. but i feel no authentic electric connection to you. i feel like all i just see is how your brain works with a coolheaded certainty. all i do is analyze what you are wearing so i can be as hot as you. maybe id like to draw you. and girls from work. you are so beautiful and amazing. i see you in bikinis on instagram. and im like oh beauty standards. look at you go, adhering to them. my heart rate goes right along at the same old pace. dont tell me this is principles. does someone have to smell bad? like edward cullen?? CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE JUST SEDUCE ME?!!!?? ID LOVE SOME EXTRA WILL TO LIVE! THEN MY STORIES WILL BE BETTER!!!! see this is the whole problem

16. The last song you listened to?

what am i to you by finn the human or actually that asgore fight song that i do not know the context of and dont want to until i play the game for myself

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

i would save this button for a karen.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

jk rowling. every time i see her face in a news article about why her bland new transphobia anvil book is pretty bland without addressing the raging transphobia in it and around it, i take a minute and contemplate shoving a pie in her face, and agonizing that i cannot do it from this distance.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

a... slave? is this a kink thing? im fucking laughing this is going to be so honest. probably a toxic person from my past i have unresolved sexual tension with, especially since i was in my abused kid shell and was a huge doormat so now im all vengeful with issues. since this is totally something i am open to considering right now i would like to browse this concept’s menu

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

yknow what? yknow what? i am just going to say all of me. i am feeling very body positive right now. i often feel isolated as fuck because of trans stuff and male body standards, but thats Also What Makes Me Special :) i like me, i like my face, i think i am very cool and unique, and i can walk fast.

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

GOD DAMN IT THIS FUCKING QUESTION AGAIN

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

yes. but it’s a secret.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

deep sea creatures. idk. even if its small and not even ugly. i just lose my fucking mind. i jump out of my chair. i get the heebies and the jeebies.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

okay. chicken. cheese. something spicy so it wont be boring. a fuck ton of veggies so i can be healthy. and some olives, fuck olive haters.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

IM GOING TO GIVE IT TO MY LANDLORD <3

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

mexico city to see what all my friends are talking about.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

............................................................................

w h y

okay. i would go around tasting a bunch of fucking. really fancy old wines. listen i dont really drink okay. but with a very fancy old wine i can go around with a like, glass and look really sophisticated and tell gay things to gay people. hello boys. so id find one that strategically i would like the most for the rest of my life and choose it. and if its expensive i can sell it.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i would stick a bell in the middle of it and all of us have to go there at six o’clock and throw bread at each other and fuck.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

cunt. i dont really use it ever, but boy it can pack a punch!

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

that means my trees because theyre living things? good. my phone. i need it to function. everything else i have on the clouds and i can just write on a napkin if i really need.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say nothing because the good and the bad made me who i am and all that. and they’re learning experiences and healthy stuff. but some of my sisters abuse that has destroyed my psyche, literally just ruined my life, it would make things easier if that hadnt happened.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

WHAT I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS LIFE STOP TELL ME HOW I GET THERE

Okay i’m moving to... greece and i’m going to study ancient greek everything and live right on the edge of the sea where the water’s lapping the doorsteps. and im gonna learn greek by immersion

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

i am not surprised whatsoever death is a cool entity.

probably someone who died really sadly and too soon in my life (no one close to me thank god) but just as a service to society

34. What was your last dream about?

wolves with bombs were chasing me around a giant university. it was all part of the game. i was trying to protect some people... soldiers were chasing me... i was hiding under the floor... hiding from authorities and war are VERY common dreams for me

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

Writer? Yes. am i saying that to sound full of myself? no. i am fighting very hard to maintain some self-confidence. i have done some writing recently and i am proud as fuck of myself. i caught myself thinking, “now that was banging, i know that was banging.” and so i just admitted it to myself.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

nooooot reeeaaaalllyyyyyy. i went in an ambulance for my face swelling up! still dont know if i needed to. still think i was allergic to the person i was talking to at the time. seriously when i stopped talking to them the hives went away. they literally gave me hives sdjfnskjndsjknfkjsfnjskdnfdsjknfjknf

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

they have inuyashas on them

39. What type of music do you like?

dark, longing, aching, angry, raw, disappointed, serious, low songs that get intense as fuck.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises for the concept, sunsets for the looks

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

you know what? i dont really like milkshakes. they dont feel good in my tummy even if it’s not my stomach having a fucking meltdown.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

the fuck is football

43. Do you have any scars?

yes, most of them are from dermatillomania, two big cool-looking ones on my hands from touching a cookie sheet without an oven mitt and pouring microwaved coffee all over my thumb because literally every inch of the counter had a foot of dishes on it and i didn’t simply heat up the water normally because everything was dirty

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

i want to be a psychologist and an author

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

id like a dong please

46. Are you reliable?

yeeeeeesssssss...... but the adhd wins sometimes

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

future self: even if you’re in a worse off place than where i am right now, don’t regret anything, don’t beat yourself up. sometimes it’s realistic to have hope. you don’t have to be hard on yourself all the time just because it’s familiar and natural to you. so stop thinking “if i see a note from my past self ill be filled with rueful self awareness”

48. Do you hold grudges?

yes. i feel like im saving my soul a little and taking some power back when i am able to say “that hurt, that was wrong, and you don’t get access to me anymore, i don’t have to forgive you” it’s admitting that my own pain is real so i can listen to and protect myself. i wish i was more of a forgiving person but i spent too much time trying to forgive unorganically for the sake of being moral that i just can’t, can’t can’t now. it hurts so existentially and i deserve better. time for me to be mean and hold grudges. a little mean is okay.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a DOG CAT????????

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

“doesn’t having a human-shaped robot with smoke coming out of it in the corner of your shop scare you late at night?”

“yes, sometimes i see it and jump a little”

51. Are you a good liar?

yes, when i’m dedicated. getting my birth certificate back? oscar worthy

52. How long could you go without talking?

i live like this lmao

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

once upon a time i had bangs. and a bob cut

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

yes bitch

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

yes bitch i can do a convincing british accent but i don’t want to broadcast that fact because being british is cringe and plus my name is gordon and im already trans and interested in cooking and my greatest fear is that people think i am trying to become him when i am deeply offended when people assume i make personal decisions for anyone other than myself. no one has ever actually voiced this theory to me but it haunts me late at night. i can honestly probably do any accent if i listen to it for a little bit. i find it very easy to imitate sounds and like individual speaking styles to the point of stealing them even when i dont want to. like actually this is something that just comes to me easily i think.

56. What do you like on your toast?

fuck toast. i make a grill cheese. cheese and garlic.

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

i tried digitally painting a generic girl who ended up looking really simliar to someone i went to school with only i made the eyes way too small and i would show you except it’s too much work

58. What would be you dream car?

vw bug with giant monster wheels, black with flames, big booming stereo. eyelashes in a drag way. ill run pickup trucks off the road

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

i sang in the shower back when i felt free to annoy everyone in the house. oH WAIT IT DOESNT ANNOY PEOPLE WHO ARE KIND TO ME

...........

they taught me i was annoying. ANYWAY. i am too shy to sing in the shower but id love to. i dont really do anything unusual except that i take really long in there but yknow im not actually doing what people think im doing when i take long. im literally just sitting there decomposing, head empty.

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yes, of course, i have been telling everyone theres water under mars since day one and now look. now look

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

yes. im a sagittarius and clearly it is needed because CLEARLY theres no other fucking sagittariuses

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G, because my name starts with that and i’m just great. really, i like... it has a chonk to it. like a reliable chonk to it

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

YKNOW WHAT? im going with dragons because of the fantasy, fire breathing and so on but yknow for my wip i was going to have both dragons and dinosaurs at a reptile like shelter

64. What do you think about babies?

i think they should be loved and nurtured, but they are too much work for me to want for myself at this point of life, and you should definitely read some manuals before having one if you can because people can and do mess this the fuck up

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

you didn’t ask anything here so im just going to tell you something. i am going to tell you that i have always been so hell bent on writing even when i hate it because sometimes when things are going well i feel like i am just so in another world and i feel like im doing something im really really supposed to do. it is such a euphoria and it has an effect on my whole aura. i really wish i had never made myself stop but we can’t change the past so i shall just have to never stop again.

THANKS HOOOOO

#chatty #notthecanadianaverage #bug

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donghans-moved · 7 years ago

Note

i think you should totally just write a love letter for donghan... can that be my ask? - 🍥 anon

i think it will be a bit too embarrassing to write a love letter so i shall just write whatever comes to my mind!

the first time i saw donghan, i think it was on twt where people were still speculating who is gonna be on the show and stuff (and i was curious because some of the people they said were people i was very interested in) and i saw a photo of him~ when i saw him i was like wooooOOOO he’s a beaut! my two other friends and i were looking up the people we saw and i think i found his instagram and just absentmindedly follow him? because i remember later on my friend sent me his ig and i was already following him and i didn’t know him before that so... yeah thats the only how i saw it lol (he was the first pd101 boy i followed on ig! i followed him when he was at like 10k followers heh kenta was second~) on the things i aw on twt about him i saw that he was a part of busking group D.O.B so i just searched for their videos to peep them but i ended up watching all the donghan focused fancams from this fansite because ??? idk lol they danced really well and i was there for donghan so naturally i watched his fancams and he was a great dancer so i just watched all the videos swdeswdeanywho! the one video i remember looking at on his ig and thinking “yes this is the one i shall stan” (i think i even said it to my gc lmao) was the video with the chicken filter that he deleted now :( BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS OLDER TBH donghan did not look like he was a 98 liner i thought he’d be like 96 or 95? so when his profile was released i was very shocked he was a 98 liner lmao when the naya na video was released i was scared that he wasnt gonna get screentime on the show because i didnt see him much in that video but the first ep came out and he got decent enough screentime? i was excited but of course lmao mnet doesnt like happiness and he was barely seen for the rest of the eps after that until the like last one or two before he was eliminated. i remember in episode one when he was talking to ong i was like damn donghan probably gonna be up that guys ass (little did i know that i was wrong lmao) but also after episode one (or was it two?) a lot of g/g stans were hating on donghan and saying theyre gonna anti him because of something he said and i will never not be angry about this and how rude they were to him about something as stupid as this. you know what he said? donghan said that he likes the boys visuals more than the girls visuals. yes, he got a lot of hate for saying that lmao i remember some i/o/i stans made threads with their caption as something dumb like “since that ugly pd101 boy thinks that i/o/i are ugly heres a thread on blah blah blah” like he didnt say he was ugly he said he liked the male visuals more. it just really bothered me that because he, a as guy, said that he liked the guys looks more, people were hating on him because ?? he should only think girls are pretty?? he didnt say anything to condescend the girls he didnt call them ugly or anything like those stans were implying but yet still they called him a crackhead, ugly, stupid, said they hate him, would anti him an all those things because he said he think the boys are more attractive. idk where im going from this lol but i really love and adore donghan! everytime hes clingy and affectionate to the members it just makes me feel so... happy? i personally am not that touchy with people so i see it as someone who is really comfortable and adore those around them so it warms my heart to see donghan so comfortable with the other members. even with D.O.B’s leader he was really clingy with him and i think thats what really brought me in man, i lOVE seeing it makes me so happy to know he has people he feels comfortable to be around. when he made it into the 35th position i was so thankful but when he said that he was thankful to be given the chance because he ‘didn’t want to leave the hyungs and friends he made’ on the show it really made my heart feel heavy because he barely made it into the top 35 and i saw how fans were acting to get their faves to debut i just had a strong feeling he wasnt going to make it ESPECIALLY because he has a lot of overseas fans in japan and china but they couldn’t vote for him because intl fans couldnt vote. when he was eliminated i didnt cry at first cause i kinda expected it (dummy head went and liked a photo on ig before the eliminations was aired) but after a while i was thinking about what would happen to him, if he would debut because i didnt know of any other trainees besides the ones on the show but sungwook changed paths to a model so i only knew him and daehyeon and i didnt know if oui had more trainees? so i was like, how much longer would it take for them to debut? would he have a successful debut? then on arirang radio with him a daehyeon he said that they were planning to debut early next year and i had hope for that (not really JBJ at the time like idk JBJ was so much of a dream come true i didn’t think it was possible lol it was too good to be true) but then he debuted in JBJ and im seeing so many people love and support him and im so happy for that like thats all i wanted lol i just wanted him to be supported on pd101 which he did get! but it was like, people didnt stan him you feel? they knew of him and liked his dancing and thought he was handsome but they didnt really give him actual support? i hope that doesnt make me sound ungrateful for the support he did get because i am so ever greatful!! but im even more grateful to see him being loved and appreciated while he is actually living his dream! i love donghan soooooo much he means the world to me and i would hate to see him sad so im sooo ever grateful people gave him the chance to be in JBJ with the members who care for him! at one point i felt a lil sad that i couldnt do anything for him like during pd101, i couldnt go out and put up banners, i couldnt give out flyers, i dont even live in korea and i cant even speak korean i felt like i couldnt do muh to help him and it made me feel like a bad fan lmao but i did get a few anons talking to me about how much they love him and that i got them into donghan and it made me feel soooo happy that i couldve given him just that little much~ i love love love donghan i want nothing but the best for him and if i ever could meet him.... i dont even know what id do lmao id love to tell him how proud i am of him and that im so glad hes gotten to where he is now but id also like to tell him that i loooooove him and would gladly die for him and even be his wife if he asked heh ;)

#THIS IS SO LONG IM SO SORRY LMAOOOOOOOOOOO #me being a whole loser #long post #text heavy #i hope all of this made sense hahaha #Anonymous

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artificialqueens · 7 years ago

Text

your body as a museum of careless gestures (biadore) - dylann

A/N:

Adore’s impulsive, sure.

But she’s more “don’t sober up at all for 36 hours because you’re sad you can’t randomly drop your own responsibilities and fly out to Europe” impulsive than “actually fly out to Europe” impulsive.

(or

Bianca is vulnerable, homesickness is a real bitch, Europe is very far away and plane tickets are unreasonably priced. Also, old patterns are hard to break, especially when you don’t even want to break them.

A reunion fic, everyone. That’s what this is.

Drag names and she/her pronouns for both throughout most of this. Shoutout to Dare for some solid constructive criticism and noticing my missing paragraph breaks.

Content warnings for mentions of weed and alcohol; sex; minor breathplay)

They FaceTime once, in early August, while Bianca’s at an airport somewhere in Europe, and Adore’s shitfaced in Seattle.

She’s home after a local show, still in full makeup, but she’s pulled her wig off and her own hair is piled up at the top of her head in a messy approximation of a bun. Her phone keeps flashing on every couple of minutes, lighting up with various notifications.

Bianca liking a recent Instagram post, or the occasional tweet, or commenting on pictures they’re both tagged in. It’s the clear signs of someone who’s bored and in some sort of situation where they can’t do much besides fuck about on their phone.

Adore knows she shouldn’t text because— well, because she isn’t having the best night anyway, and while talking to Bianca might help at first, it’d probably fuck her up worse in the long run.

She’s stripped down to her underwear and the remnants of a practically destroyed Sex Pistols tank top when her phone buzzes again. It’s another Facebook comment, and she caves.

To Bea 🍹 (3:27:02am) how the fuck bored are you??

Bianca fires back a 😂 almost immediately, and then types a response. The three dots that indicate her thinking pop up a few times, until she settles on

To Adore 🔞 Delano (3:30:03am) Airport. Plane’s delayed.

(3:30:12am) cafe’s not even open, I hate Europe.

Adore mutters “No, you don’t,” to herself as she situates herself in the middle of her bed. Last night’s bowl is still half-packed at the sill of her open window, and she thanks past-Adore for being so considerate as she picks it up and takes a hit.

And then she remembers Bianca can’t actually hear her.

To Bea 🍹 (3:31:45am) no you dont

(3:31:57am) can i call you???

To Adore 🔞 Delano (3:32:05am) 🙃👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

Adore props her phone on her nightstand, and tilts the small reading lamp so it hits her face from the right angle. She’s wearing very light sea green contacts, and she knows for a fact her eyes look stunning.

The connection takes a moment and then the black screen lights up to reveal Roy who looks like a parody of an airplane traveller. He’s clearly exhausted and bleary-eyed under the rim of his baseball cap, and he’s wearing a plush fuchsia pink travel pillow around his neck like a goddamn statement piece.

Adore lets out a delighted laugh, and then goes,

“You look horrible.”

“It’s good to see you too,” Roy laughs, giving his camera a long look. “Isn’t it, like, way past your bedtime?”

“Has anyone ever told you you use emoji like a thirteen year old girl with a secret Instagram account?” Adore fires back.

“Are you calling me old?” Roy asks, feigning offense well enough that it makes Adore break and she shoots the camera a shit-eating grin as she nods and lights up her bowl again.

“Call me old one more time and I’ll buy a house somewhere in central Europe, take up farming, and never fucking come back,” Roy threatens lightly.

“No one would miss you here,” Adore says, perhaps a second too late to be funny.

Roy doesn’t answer, which is fine. Adore is usually obsessed with filling silences, like it’s her personal responsibility to make sure everyone’s constantly entertained. Roy’s an exception.

They’ve been silent around each other enough that it hasn’t felt awkward in years.

“How’s Europe?” she asks eventually.

“Fun. Loud. Really fucking hot,“ Roy shrugs. He reaches up and presses his thumb against the bridge of his nose before rubbing along the outline of his eye socket. It’s rare and unsettling to see him that quiet and clearly drained.

Adore smokes and watches him as she contemplates how okay it’d be to say what’s actually on her mind.

“Hey, Bea?” she says quietly, as she shifts to lie down on her stomach.

“Yeah?”

“You look really tired. But um— I hope you’re just tired? Europe’s not making you, like, sad, is it?” Adore trails off for a second and presses her eyes shut as she refocuses. “That’s dumb. I mean. A continent can’t make you sad, right? I don’t know—“

“I’m fine,” Roy says and his face lights up with a small, fond smile which makes him look more like himself. “How are you doing? You look—“

“Fucking wasted?” Adore supplies. She aims for a joke but it just kind of comes out tired and flat. Plus, selling Roy the whole act is kind of pointless. “Yeah. I had a weird night, I don’t know. The whole album thing is fucking stressing me out.”

“People are gonna love it,” Roy says quickly, earnestly. He seems more awake. “They’re gonna eat that shit up.”

“You’re supposed to say that ‘cause you love me,” Adore whines jokingly, but then he just shrugs and nods in agreement, which makes her soften. “Thanks. Honestly. It’s just so— people wanna hear the old shit, you know? And the new stuff’s so different, I just— what if they don’t wanna hear it?”

“They keep asking for the old stuff ‘cause they haven’t heard your new stuff,” Roy reasons. He’s holding his headphones’ microphone close to his lips and it sort of feels like he’s in the room and talking directly to her if she closes her eyes.

“You’re right. Thanks, Bea,” she sighs, and then bites her lip as she adds softly, “I miss you.”

“Come to Europe,” Roy laughs a little. He can always recognize when she’s on the brink of some sad spiral and can usually pull her right back out. Adore opens her eyes to watch him laugh at the camera.

It’s impossible not to smile back.

“Right, are you gonna fly me out?” she laughs, making a show of pursing her lips at the camera.

“You wish,” Roy grins, and then his eyes drift over to something out of frame. Some sort of airport announcement comes through the speaker of Adore’s phone, entirely too far away and jumbled to be understandable.

“Hey, listen, I gotta go,” Roy says. “I might finally get to make it to a plane.”

“Awesome, fly safe,” Adore nods, scrunching up her nose as she fights off a yawn.

“You get some rest,” Roy adds. “This was fun, let’s—“

“More often. Yeah. I’ll call you.”

Adore smiles, and they say their goodbyes and hang up.

And then they don’t talk again for weeks.

***

The morning after the last FaceTime call, Adore had woken up with a screenshot of her own bank account, and a bunch of screenshots of various potential flights on her phone. Looking at them (and maybe the hangover) had made her sick, and she’d deleted them with her eyes half closed.

Adore’s impulsive, sure.

It’d been days, maybe weeks, after the call when an ad had popped up on her Instagram feed, quite aggressively advertising Bianca’s upcoming gig on Fire Island.

New York is, in comparison to central Europe, closer.

Closer, easier to get to, slightly more reasonable.

So Adore had called her manager and said she’d do that one interview she had scheduled over the phone, and that she was going to be out of town for a few days. Her manager wasn’t impressed, but it was just a weekend, and she’d already made up her mind.

She doesn’t really call or let anyone else know she’s going.

When she walks into the club, the security guard gives her and her ID a long, curious look, but other than that, it’s dark enough that no one really notices or pays attention to her.

She’s wearing a Bianca t-shirt she’s mercilessly cut up into a douchey tank top tucked into a short, faux leather mini skirt with an unnecessarily chunky zipper in the front. Underneath the tank top, she’s in a lacy black bandeau that only draws attention to the boy chest, which is the exact effect she’s aiming for. The tight fishnet covering her legs culminates in heeled combat boots. Her hair is long and black and just messy enough that from afar, she looks like she could be just another girl here for the show.

It’s great, and she feels kind of incognito, even though she’s not necessarily trying to hide. She’s just not here to put on a show, either.

When she gets a drink, the bartender shoots her a knowing grin and says this one’s on the house, she only smiles back and thanks him and doesn’t argue. There’s being lowkey, and then there’s just being plain stupid.

The club is already pretty full, and it’s crowded by the time Bianca takes the stage to host.

Adore doesn’t quite care for the actual event and she lets herself be distracted watching her even when she’s off to the side, and clearly not supposed to be pulling the focus.

It’s impossible for Bianca not to pull focus. In a bodycon dress that somehow manages to be both leopard and floral and still be incredible, she looks like every wet dream Adore’s ever had. Bianca’s focused and attentive, she watches each performance and laughs along, and her lips are so shiny, and her eyes are so bright, and Adore is so tempted to make her way over to the stage and pull her off now, like she can’t wait another minute.

But the reality is, she’s waited this long and now that she’s here, Adore wants to do this right. So she sits back, accepts a couple more drinks from the bartender, and lives out her groupie fantasy, screaming and howling with laugher as if she’s just there to prove she can be louder than everyone else in the club.

At the end of the show, Bianca performs a number and the crowd goes wild, and Adore wants to be cheering with them, except she’s transfixed, breathless as she watches Bianca in her element.

“It never fucking gets old,” Adore yells at the bartender once Bianca’s left the stage. Her ears are ringing.

“She’s great,” he agrees, sliding another refill across the bar for her.

“She’s the best,” Adore corrects. “Can you send her a large gin backstage? Tell her it’s from a fan who claims to know her.

The bartender laughs and fixes a drink, and Adore, who’s only human, watches the sway of his hips as he walks through an unmarked door behind the bar which presumably leads backstage.

When Bianca comes out (from a different door, off to the side), she scans the club past the faces of people who notice her and either try to flock to her, or take a few steps back in some sort of classical awe. She glances around with a look Adore has come to realize means she’s expecting to see an acquaintance who’s dropped her name in hopes for a drink and a catchup.

Then, Bianca notices her and her entire face shifts.

Adore watches her face go from a public, performative smile through shock, through defeat, all the way to blossoming into a genuine smile within a split second. Bianca mouths something in her direction and heads over, and Adore’s heart is pounding so hard in her chest that it makes her cough.

Then, Bianca’s in front of her and pulling her into a hug, and saying into her ear,

“You motherfucker.”

Adore laughs loudly, pulling back just enough to catch Bianca’s eyes and grin at her.

“You absolute motherfucker,” Bianca repeats. “You could’ve called—“

“I wanted to surprise you,” Adore shrugs, as if it’s that simple, and Bianca softens.

“Well, I am surprised,” she laughs. Her hands are still around Adore’s waist and she’s becoming more aware of that by the second. “But I left my drink in the dressing room so we’re gonna have to continue being surprised there.”

Adore just nods. She picks up her glass and follows Bianca through the crowd. When Bianca reaches back, she slips her hand in hers, and hopes the club is just dark and confusing enough that no one would see.

***

“I can’t believe you just pulled this shit,” Bianca says as they walk into the dressing room, which is cool and only illuminated by the lightbulbs that line the mirror.

She closes her eyes for a split second and Adore watches her stage poise and energy leave her body like air from a recently popped balloon.

“I wanted to see your face,” Adore shrugs, and squeezes her hand as she brings herself closer. “Plus, it’s been a while since I’ve watched you—“

“Tonight wasn’t that good,” Bianca says quietly. “It’s not even technically my show…“

Adore bites her lip, and takes a sip of her drink as she says,

“I wasn’t gonna push but— are you okay? I mean, you seem—“

“I’m okay,”

Bianca pulls her hand away from Adore’s and walks around to sit down on the makeup chair, her back turned to the room. Adore just kind of stands there, swallowing uneasily once they break contact. Bianca is never like this, and witnessing it is terrifying, and Adore’s chest is tight as she attempts to figure out how she’d help the most.

“I just feel like I’ve been away for so long, you know?” Bianca says suddenly. Her voice is barely audible over the dull, unrecognizable bass that filters through the walls. “I’m not even sure if I’m away from— This summer’s just going by so fast. I feel like I’m always catching up with people. Like, tonight, when I stepped out—“

“You looked fucking terrified,” Adore supplies. She’s taken one cautious step towards Bianca’s chair and is hovering there.

“‘cause I was,” Bianca agrees, and it comes out in a shaky laugh. “Fuck, Adore, I was so worried I was gonna have to sit down and have a chat with some local queen I haven’t seen in years and make it look like I’m having the time of my life, you know?”

“Yeah. I know.”

Years of sharing dressing rooms have taught Adore that usually, Bianca would be out of all of her drag by this point. Now, she’s just sitting there, her eyes distant as she looks into the mirror but not really at herself.

Adore sighs and walks the rest of the distance to the makeup table, planting herself directly behind the chair. She drapes her arms over Bianca’s shoulders and crosses her wrists at her chest. Bianca’s hand comes up to cover her wrist, pressing down just a little, as if she’s afraid Adore might pull back.

Bianca’s nails are a dark shade of greenish gold and they glitter as they catch the mirror light. Adore wants to tell her she’s never looked more beautiful.

“It just gets kinda lonely,” Bianca says, quiet enough that Adore isn’t sure if it’s for her at all. She doesn’t answer.

Instead, she moves her hand just a little underneath Bianca’s, so she can run her thumb along the side of Bianca’s hand. Bianca sighs and closes her eyes again. Her eyelashes cast long shadows down her cheeks.

Adore doesn’t move, just lets Bianca breathe and take in the physical weight of her presence, lets her be quiet until she seems a little bit more grounded. Adore can feel it under her arms when Bianca exhales a long breath and her shoulders relax.

“Well, I’m here now,” Adore says finally, quiet and intimate, and it feels like dipping one toe in cool water.

She hasn’t planned this far in advance, never knows quite where they stand when they’ve been away from each other for so long, only knows that she’s here, and she’s here for Bianca, in whatever capacity Bianca needs her to be.

“Yeah— motherfucker,” Bianca repeats softly, in an almost-laugh. “You’re here.”

Then, she makes the choice for Adore.

Bianca pushes the chair back and stands up, turning around to face Adore in one swift, decisive motion. Adore catches her eyes and when Bianca tilts her chin down in the slightest of nods, it’s enough.

Adore launches herself forward, resting a gentle hand at the curve of Bianca’s neck as she kisses her with all the intent of an innocent death row inmate who’s been granted one last wish. Bianca responds almost immediately, her hands coming to rest at the small of Adore’s back. Adore (who, again, is only human) rolls her hips into the touch, which gets a noise halfway between a groan and a laugh from Bianca. It sounds more like her than anything Adore’s heard from her so far tonight.

“Missed you,” Bianca whispers once she pulls back. Up close, her eyes are so incredibly bright.

“I’m here.”

“You are.”

They exchange reassurances in a terribly familiar rhythm, and something in Adore’s chest twists a little. It must show on her face because Bianca says “Shhh” even though she’s silent, and is then she’s kissing her again.

This one lasts longer. Bianca licks her way past Adore’s dark plum lips and all Adore can do is respond in small, breathless sounds as she drops one hand down to grip the table behind Bianca, essentially trapping Bianca between herself and the tabletop.

A bunch of lipsticks fall down and maybe something rolls off the table, and Adore lets out a careless laugh into Bianca’s mouth. Her world feels lighter than it has in months. She doesn’t want to think about it at all.

Bianca distracts her, luckily, as she drops her hands past her ass to brush her fingers under Adore’s skirt. Underneath the thin layer of fishnet, Adore’s — unsurprisingly — untucked and wearing the tiniest briefs which leave most of her ass bare. Upon making that discovery for herself, Bianca lets out a laugh which is both appreciation and utter defeat.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Adore Delano,” she hums, pulling back to draw in a very deep breath.

It’s overdramatic but earnest and Adore feels so fucking wanted.

“I dress to impress,” she says sweetly.

“Jesus,” Bianca whispers, and her exasperated smile reaches all the way to her eyes. “Shut up.”

Adore laughs loudly, and it comes from deep in her chest. This is easier than anything else she’s done in so long. She knows Bianca feels the exact same way because she’s still laughing as she kisses her again.

By the time Bianca pulls back again, Adore’s hard and dizzy and the only coherent thought in her head is a vague curiosity about whether the door to the dressing room locks.

“Where are you staying?” Bianca is asking quietly. The outline of her lipliner has blurred and her eyes are dark and bearing so much promise it makes Adore’s head spin.

She grins in response.

She has one bag — a way too expensive designer carryon — that she’d dropped at a friend’s apartment before explaining that no, she didn’t need a place to crash, just storage room, thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.

She hadn’t bothered with a plan B.

“You bitch,” Bianca laughs fondly. “Yeah. Come on.”

***

Bianca’s hotel room is tiny and taken over almost entirely by the bed in the center. There’s a suitcase half-open in one corner. The lights are off, and the room is instead illuminated by the pale orange glow of street lamps filtering through the (truly hideous) cream tulle curtains.

Adore’s head is swimming. She lets herself fall back onto the mattress, laughing breathlessly as she props herself up on her elbows to look at Bianca who pauses a few steps away to kick off her heels.

“Hold on—“ Bianca starts, heading over to the small table in front of the mirror.

“No, no, no,” Adore says quickly. “No time. Come here—“

Bianca laughs as she stretches to pull the zipper of her own dress down.

“Fine. Just this, then,” she negotiates and Adore nods, and falls silent as she watches her strip and unclip her wig to pull it off.

It’s rare for Bianca to stay in drag when they hook up, but de-dragging takes too long, and Adore is too turned on to survive waiting for her any longer than she absolutely has to.

Plus,

“You look so fucking beautiful,” Adore whispers, lowering herself onto her back as Bianca crawls on top of her. She’s completely naked now and it’s purely instinct when Adore reaches for her cock. Bianca catches her wrist and pulls her hand away, her lips curving in an amused smirk.

“You’re so fucking impatient,” she says quietly and Adore responds with a low groan because Yeah, no shit, aren’t you?

“You’re right,” Bianca agrees, still smirking like some wicked demon of temptation from the depths of Hell when she comes down to catch Adore’s lips in a messy kiss. Adore’s all about hyperbole when it comes to Bianca.

And then Bianca’s grinding her hips down as she licks a hot stripe down the side of Adore’s neck, and literally nothing in Adore’s entire life has ever felt nearly as good.

“That’s cute,” Bianca comments, her lips almost brushing the thin strip of leather. Adore’s wearing a simple one-ring choker, and her face turns a deep shade of pink the second Bianca decides to acknowledge it.

“Told you,” she smirks, and manages to school her voice into an almost challenging singsong. “I dress to impress.”

“Stop talking,” Bianca replies lowly, hooking a finger through the ring to tug Adore up as she kisses her again. Adore’s eyes fall shut and she gasps helplessly into the kiss, and then all she can do is part her lips for Bianca’s tongue.

Adore’s tank top and the lacy bandeau are long gone. She’s still wearing the skirt, and tights, and briefs, and that’s three layers too many, and she’s so uncomfortably hard, and Bianca knows and is ignoring her because apparently, Bianca likes to torture people.

(Which is, on occasion, actually true. And welcomed. Just—)

“Bea,” Adore whines, actually whines, because this is unbearable. “Not right now, Jesus, please.”

“No?”

“No. Come on, I’m done waiting, fuck me now, please,” the last word comes out indignant, as if she’s only saying it to be polite but she doesn’t really want to. It works for Bianca, apparently, because she lets go of the choker and refocuses both of her hands’ attention to unzipping Adore’s skirt.

The zipper goes all the way down and the skirt comes undone.

“You thought this through,” Bianca hums, audibly entertained, and Adore drives her hips up in response because Hurry up, yeah I have, I want this, I’m ready, hurry up.

Bianca peels her tights and her underwear down her legs at the same time and brings them all the way down to her ankles but doesn’t take them off.

“I like the boots,” she explains, breath heavy and hot against the inside of Adore’s thigh. “We’re keeping them on.”

Adore feels filthy, like this part of it is somehow taboo, and her dick is already slick with precome against her stomach. She crosses her ankles and lets her knees fall open to the sides, and Bianca responds with an appreciative groan which makes her twitch.

Adore keeps her eyes closed as she listens to the distant sound of a plastic cap popping open, and then two lubed up fingers are pressing against her and she’s gone.

Bianca preps her quickly, efficiently, because any attempt she makes at slowing down is met by Adore with disjointed sounds of protest and helpless jerks of her hips.

“Now,” she moans eventually as she hovers with her hips pushed off the mattress, desperately trying to get more of Bianca. “Now, I’m ready, come on, fuck me now.”

A moment passes in which Bianca considers making her beg, just to get a rise out of her, but Adore is a picture of uncensored want with her messy hair spilling across the pillows, and her flushed dick, and the small crease in her forehead, and frankly, Bianca’s growing too impatient to tease.

Adore cries out loudly when Bianca pushes into her, sending stars flying behind her closed eyelids. Bianca’s propped a pillow under her hips and the angle is torturous and absolutely fucking perfect. Adore’s thighs shake with tension as Bianca thrusts all the way in, almost too slowly, letting Adore adjust to the sensation. It’s already so much, and yet not nearly enough.

Bianca moves experimentally and it draws a soft whimper from Adore. “Yeah— I’m ready, come on.”

And then, Bianca’s off. She grips Adore’s hips to tilt her up and picks up the pace as her nails dig half-moons into Adore’s ass. Adore is incoherent, meeting each thrust with small moans and broken, disconnected swearwords. Her lips are parted and swollen and glossy with spit, and Bianca stares in admiration for a moment before arching down to kiss her.

Bianca kisses like Adore’s darkest secret is hiding at the back of her mouth and there’s never going to be another way to get to it. It’s disorienting, like walking through darkness. Adore’s ears are ringing. Bianca pulls one hand away from her hips and a second later she’s tugging on Adore’s choker again. This time, she hooks her index finger under the strap and pinches it between the knuckle of her middle finger and her thumb. The leather digs into Adore’s throat and she feels it like fireworks at the back of her skull.

Bianca keeps her lips just out of reach as she tightens her grip on the choker, and it drives Adore to crane her neck, desperately chasing after a kiss she can’t quite reach. The leather digs into her neck and she coughs right as Bianca thrusts her cock deeper inside of her, at a slightly different angle which makes Adore want to scream.

The sound that comes out is closer to a strangled whine, and Bianca meets it with a low laugh which makes Adore blush. Her chest is so tight she feels like she’s one second, one stray touch, one jerk of Bianca’s hips away from bursting wide open.

“Bea—“ she starts, and it’s barely sound. She gasps, dragging in more air. Bianca’s grip doesn’t falter. “Bea. I’m—“

Adore’s voice breaks a loud moan as Bianca drops her hand to her cock. Bianca laughs quietly, breathlessly, as she tightens her grip and gives her a few experimental strokes. Adore accompanies each stroke with a whimper as Bianca picks up her pace so her hand can match the rhythm of her hips. Adore’s brow is beaded with sweat and her hair is sticking to her face and she looks absolutely gone as she drives her hips up, over and over, in an endless race to meet Bianca halfway.

She comes first, with Bianca’s name in a sharp moan on her lips, cum streaking through Bianca’s fingers and onto her stomach.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” Bianca groans quietly, arching down to trace kisses along the red mark lining Adore’s neck as she keeps fucking into her in deep, quick thrusts, chasing her own release.

Adore is shaking, spent and oversensitive and unabashedly loud as each move sends a new wave of aftershocks through her body.

When Bianca comes, she goes perfectly still, perfectly silent, her eyes pressed tightly shut and her lips parted in a soundless scream. Adore, who’s watching her through heavy, hooded eyelids, chokes out a moan instead of her.

Then, the only sound Adore can focus on is her own heartbeat pounding in her ears as Bianca lowers herself down, burrowing her face against Adore’s neck. She doesn’t quite kiss this time, just rests there, her breath warm against the cooling sweat on Adore’s skin.

Adore drifts. It takes a minute, or maybe an hour, she’d never know for sure, and Bianca’s growing soft inside of her but neither of them moves. Adore’s limbs feel heavy, inoperable, and she thinks distractedly that maybe that’s not too big of a deal, maybe she can just be there for the rest of her natural existence and she would be okay with that.

Then Bianca moves. She pulls herself away slowly, carefully, like she doesn’t mean to disturb, and Adore still winces at the loss.

“Gotta get you cleaned up,” Bianca says softly. Her voice sounds raw, spent, and Adore finds herself hoping it’s still like that tomorrow. She wants people to talk to Bianca and know.

The sound of the bathroom sink running and Bianca’s footsteps sound so far away and Adore closes her eyes, lets them lull her into a half-sleep as her body cools down and stops shaking.

Minutes later, perhaps, Bianca returns with a warm, damp towel, and Adore breathes steadily as she cleans her up, too tired and too gone to do much but accept it. Then it’s more footsteps, to the bathroom and back.

Then, Bianca’s hands are working her boots open and pulling them off, along with the mess of fabric tangled around her ankles. It feels private in a new sort of way, as if this is where the moment would usually have to break but Bianca’s not letting that happen. Adore’s chest tightens and she lets out the smallest noise as she swallows dryly.

“You okay?” Bianca asks, all gentle attentiveness, as she climbs up and rests behind her, one arm coming to drape over Adore’s hips, her hand angled up to rest at her sternum.

“Yeah.” Adore’s throat scratches, and she knows she’ll wake up needing water. Bianca makes a sound like she doesn’t quite believe her, so Adore amends, “I’m here.”

Bianca laughs. It’s almost inaudible but Adore feels it against her back.

“Yeah,” Bianca whispers. She presses her lips against Adore’s shoulder and holds them there for a long time. “You are.”

***

A/N: the title is from this poem which you should definitely read, it’s beautiful.

#dylann #biadore #adore delano #bianca del rio #angst #hurt/comfort #weed cw #alcohol cw #breathily cw #rpdr fanfiction #submission #canon compliant

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askguyslikeus · 7 years ago

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oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool. i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️ djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day! thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog?? im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0 i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod? i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :> WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌 AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work. thank you!!!! for ur support!!!!

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u)

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

#modpost #holy fuck that was so much

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wdwpmdolan-blog · 7 years ago

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too young for you (z.h.)

request: Heyo!!! Could you do a Zach herron one where you’re 2 years younger than him and also his best friend. But he kinda only posts about you on social media. Then on a YouNow wth all the WDW boys they kinda hint that he likes reader and everyone ship them and just fluff. Thx!

a/n:hopefully you’ll like it xx

-my fans are shipping us-my friend Zach said me as we watched a new episode of Teen Wolf -Why?- i wondered

So let’s go back to the start, my name is Y/N and I’m 14, i have a best friend who is 2 years older then me, his name is Zach, Zachary Dean Herron. He is cool and he is in a band “Why don’t we”, i think all of the guys in this band are super talented but for me, Zach is the most talented. I’m young but i think i like Zach, like he makes me feel like I’m in the magical world where’s no one but us. I knew he didn’t like me cause he always told me that he feels like I’m his little sister, it’s not bad cause he always helped me with everything and protected me. But one day everything changed, i was sitting on my couch scrolling through my twitter and id gotten a notification. It was Zach, he posted a tweet about how gorgeous i was and posted a pic of me, i didn’t know how to react cause he never did it, he told me i was cool,cute,but gorgeous…Never. i decided to reply to his tweet -r u gud bro? -Yeah, beautiful 😻 It was getting weirder and weirder so i decided to call him -Hi Zach, what’s going on?- i said and my voice sounded weird -What do you mean?-He was confused -Your tweets, you’ve never called me gorgeous or beautiful, are you feeling okay?-I said and smiled to myself cause he did call me beautiful, a person who i like called me beautiful. -Oh, i talk to you later- he hung up Something was weird with this kid, i didn’t know what exactly but something was different.

I was laying on my bed and thinking about everything. I realised that he’d been acting really weird lately. He stopped coming over, he didn’t pick up me after school any more and he stopped text me every day, i didn’t know what happened but i wanted to know -do you want to come over so we can watch movie - i texted him -Yeah,sure -Wow,i thought you were gonna say that you can’t -Why would i say it? -I don’t know,maybe because youve been saying that you can’t for a week -I was busy, you know that -I do, okay I’ll be waiting for you and door will be open -see you soon

I read his text and decided to check my Instagram. I saw a new story by Zach i opened it and it was a boomerang of him smiling and a title" I’m happy cause I finally will see my precious y/N, i missed this beautiful face💓" What?! He missed that beautiful face? What was he talking about? He made it look like we were a thing, i didn’t mind it though but he acted differently when he was around.

-Hey,Y/N-Zach said as he entered my room -Hi, Zach, so…You missed that face?-I said pointing at my face -Maybe just a little bit-he laughed and hugged me but this time it was tighter-so, what are we gonna watch kid?-He asked and sat on my bed -Im not kid and what about “Peter Pan”?-I asked excitedly -Okay, ‘not kid’-he smiled and we started watching movie. After an hour Zach picked his phone and took a picture of me laying on his lap with a stuffed animal that i was cuddling with. -What are you doing?- i asked and turned to face him, god he was so handsome -Im taking pictures of you-he said,he sounded calm -Why?- i wondered -Cause you look cute-he laughed and put his phone down on the bed. I fell asleep on his lap during the movie

I woke up to an empty room, i took my phone and checked if there was any messages. -Im sorry sweetie,but i had to leave,we have an interview today and i didn’t want to wake you up so i decided not to do. I’ll see you tomorrow,okay?💞 -Okay Zach, but stop calling me sweetie or beautiful or gorgeous,it doesn’t sound like you’re my friend. He read and didn’t reply. I opened my Twitter app and saw a bunch of notifications. Most of them were about how young i was for Zach but then i saw why everyone was so active, it was Zach’s tweet “my cute sleeping beauty @/y/N ” and there was a picture that he took of me yesterday. I was confused, did he like me, or maybe he was just being nice to me as a friend.

A few days passed by and i was in my room doing nothing. Then i got a notification that Daniel Seavey is live on YouNow , i decided that i would watch it and i made a right decision. -Hi guys-Daniel said to all the viewers -hello-Zach waved at the camera -what’s up people?-Jack screamed

They were answering questions,talking about music and singing. -Where are Corbyn and Jonah? They are visiting Logan-Jack answered the question -Oh, what’s going on between Y/N and Zach? Wait a second..-Daniel became quiet and i felt like my cheeks were getting red. -Is it that Y/N that Zach is always talking about?- Jack grinned -Oh shut up-Zach tried to cover Jack’s mouth with his hand -That y/N that he’s been tweeting about?-Daniel laughed, Zach became red - oh my god,guys stop it-Zach said and looked at the boys -Why should we stop if you’re not stopping talking about her all of the time?-Jack and Daniel laughed they liked making Zack feel uncomfortable. -Look at his lock screen, it’s y/N ’s photo-Daniel took Zach’s phone and showed it to camera, Zach tried to take it back but Jack held him back. Then they started talking about something else and singing, Jonah and Corbyn joined them and soon live was ended.i was happy and shocked. He liked me, he talked about me, he had my photo as a lock screen. Did it really happen to me? Did he really like me, but why did he start acting weird so suddenly, maybe these feels made him acting so differently,i don’t know. I heard my phone ringing

-hi,Y/N i hope you didnt watch this live-it was Zach -no, i didnt, did i miss something important?-i lied. i didnt want to make everything akward -no, i..nevermind-he mumbled -okay, do you have any plans for tonight?- i asked hoping he would come over -actually no- he exclaimed -great, what about me, pizza and new episode of teen wolf?- i asked -it sounds perfect -see you soon? -see you soon.

I was waiting for Zach in my room and thinking about that live stream, did he really liked me? but maybe he didnt, maybe he liked me just as a friend. -Hey-i heard my favourite voice -hi,Zachary- i smiled.

And we made it to the beggining of my story, me and Zach are laying in my bed watching teen wolf

-my fans are shipping us-my friend Zach said me as we watched a new episode of Teen Wolf -Why?- i wondered -i need to tell you something really important- he told me and i turned to face him -okay, im listening -so..i dont even know where to start..okay im gonna just say it. Y/N i like you, a lot, not just like friend. You make me feel so special, you’re amazing, you alway make me happy.Remember when i was super busy and i didnt text you for almost a week? -Yes -I missed you so much, i didnt know that i can miss you so much, i mean you’re my friend and usually i dont miss my friends this much. and then i realised that you’re more than a friend for me. i like you, thats why i acted differently, im sorry-he looked down at his hands -Zach look at me- he loked up at me- i like you too, a lot. i just thought that you think that im too young for you , you know?-now it was my turn to look down -awww, too young, baby it doesnt matter as long as you are not 10 and im not 45-he laughed and hugged me -so, why do your fans ship us?- i asked, by this time my head was on his chest -oh, because of the livestream-he said -do you mean that livestream where boys were teasing you - i looked at him -you told you didnt watch-he looked at me and tickled me -leave me….stop-i screamed -do you want me to leave-he made offended look -noooo, staaaaaay- i whined -okay- he hugged me really tight- i wont leave you-he whispered in my ear-Y/N? -yes? -will you be my grlfriend? -yes, i will- i smiled

He hugged me, smiled and we started dacing. We both were happy, i didnt know how this kid could make me feel this way. This day was one of the best days in my life.

#zach herron #zach herron imagine #why dont we #why don't we music #why don't we #why don't we imagines #jonah marais #jonah marais imagine #jack avery #jack avery imagine #daniel seavey #daniel seavey imagine #corbyn besson #corbyn besson imagine #imagine

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samosablog-blog · 7 years ago

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CHRISTMAS SAMOSAS

HELLO GOOD MORNING GOOD AFTERNOON GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO THE 2018 EDITION OF SAMOSA BLOG. LAST YEAR IT WAS OUR NEW YEARS RESOLUTION TO BE MORE PUNCTUAL WITH THE BLOG AND IF WE ARE HONEST WITH YOU WE DONT REALLY THINK WE KEPT THAT RESOLUTION. 2017 WAS A VERY BUSY YEAR FOR US INDEED WE STARTED A NEW INSTAGRAM AND ALSO BOUGHT A PLANT CALLED CHEMIST SO THESE THINGS TAKE UP TIME YOU SEE.

ANYWAY NOW ITS THE NEW YEAR IT IS THE NEW US BUT WHAT BETTER WAY TO START 01-01-2018 THAN LOOKING AT SOME OF THE SAMOSAS WE ATE OVER THE LAST TWO WEEKS

SECRET SANTA SAMOSAS

INDIA HAD SECRET SANTA AT WORK AND MUCH TO HER AMAZEMENT SHE GOT THE MOST WONDERFUL GIFT FROM HER GOOD FRIEND AMY SHOUTOUT AMY.

AMY PRINTED OUT THE ‘PERFECT SAMOSA RECIPE’ FROM THE GUARDIAN, WEIGHED OUT ALL OF THE INDIVIDUAL INGREDIENTS FOR IT AND PUT IT ALL IN LITTLE CUTE BAGS WITH THE DATE ON IT FOR INDIA TO MAKE THE SAMOSAS IN. ISNT THIS THE BEST GIFT EVER INDIA JUST BURSTED WITH SAMOSA LOVE AND GRATITUDE.

ANYWAY A DAY LATER INDIA MADE THE SAMOSAS AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME SHE HAS EVER FOLLOWED A RECIPE FROM START TO FINISH WHICH WAS A MONUMENTOUS ACHIEVEMENT IN ITSELF.

THE PROCESS WAS VERY GOOD AND HERE’S THE PHOTOS OF HOW IT WENT

I FIRST MADE THIS MASALA MIX WHICH HAD CINNAMON AND CLOVE AND OTHER SPICES LIKE CHRISTMAS

AND THEN THE PEAS AND CARROT MIX WITH ONION AND GINGER THAT WAS NICE TOO GOOD SMELLS

THEN THE MASH I MADE IT MASHY CAUSE I PREFER THAT OVER CHUNKS OF POTATO YOU PROBABLY KNOW THAT ANYWAY FROM THE BLOG

WACKED IT ALTOGETHER AND THERE WE HAVE IT THE SAMOSA CONTENTS

THEN IT WAS TIME TO WRAP IT IN THE PASTRY BY THE WAY THIS WAS THE FRIST TIME I HAD EVER MADE PASTRY AS WELL SO I WAS A BIT NERVOUS

ONE THING I AM REALLY BAD AT THOUGH WAS MAKING THEM THE ACTUAL SHAPE OF SAMOSAS SO THEY WERE MORE LIKE TRIANGULAR LUMPS

NOW IT WAS TIME FOR FRYING AND HERE IS THE END RESULT A LOVELY GOLDEN CRISPY TRIANGLE WITH CUTE SEEDS SHOUTOUT AMY

I ATE THEM IN FRONT OF CHEWY AND HE LOOKED REALY HAPPY TO SEE ME EATING MY FAVOURITE THING AS YOU CAN SEE HE IS JUST VERY GLAD

NOW IT WOULD BE UNFAIR FOR ME TO REVIEW MY OWN SAMOSAS SO PARTNER IN CRIME CO-RUNNER OF THE BLOG THE ONE AND ONLY LANA LCL32 LEE WILL BE WRITING THE REVIEW TAKE IT AWAY LANA

HERE WE GO IM TAKING IT AWAY AS I HAD ALREADY LEFT FOR CHRISTMAS INDIA FROZE SOME OF HER FRESH HOMEMADE SAMOSAS SO THAT I COULD TRY THEM AND GIVE A 100% UNBIASED REVIEW SO TODAY WE PUT THE FROZEN SAMOSAS INTO THE OVEN AND BAKED THEM FOR 10-12 MINUTES AT 200 DEGREES CELCIUS. WE NEEDED SOMETHING TO LIFT OUR SPIRITS FROM THE AFTERMATH OF NEW YEARS CELEBRATIONS AND WHAT AN UPLIFTING TREAT THEY WERE.

THE PASTRY WAS NOT TOO THIN BUT ALSO NOT TOO THICK AND BOTH CRISPY YET SOFT AT THE SAME TIME ID SAY THEY WERE COOKED TO PERFECTION. THE SEEDS ALSO ADDED AN EXTRA DIMENSION THE FILLING HAD A REALLY GOOD AMOUNT OF PEAS IN WHICH WAS GREAT BECAUSE THE REFRESHING LITTLE BIRST THAT PEAS BRING TO A SAMOSA IS SECOND TO NONE. THEY WERE NICE AND MASHY WHICH WAS V IMPORTANT AS INDIA ALREADY MENTIONED WE LIKE THE SAMOSAS WHERE THE POTATO IS MASHED BECAUSE IT ADDS THAT NICE MASHY CREAMY TEXTURE. NOW ONTO THE SPICES WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THE SPICES. THE SAMOSAS CERTAINLY HAD A KICK TO THEM WHICH IS WHAT WE LOOK FOR IN A SAMOSA SO TOP POINTS FOR SPICE LEVEL. THEY ALSO HAD A GOOD HINT OF CINNAMON WHICH BROUGHT THAT CHRISTMAS FEEL THAT WE ALL KNOW AND LOVE V FESTIVE. THATS ABOUT ALL I REMEMBER ABOUT THE SPICES BUT I THINK IVE COVERED EVERYTHING.

OVERALL THESE SAMOSAS LIVED UP TO THEIR NAME AS THE PERFECT SAMOSA ACCORDING TO THE GUARDIAN I WOULD GIVE THEM A SOLID NON BIASED SCORE OF 11/10 PERFECTION ACHIEVED WELL DONE INDIA YOU DID SAMOSA BLOG PROUD.

CARDAMON DAY AFTER BOXING DAY SAMOSA

RIGHT IT WAS THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS AKA THE DAY AFTER BOXING DAY AKA THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS EVE AKA BOXING DAY BOXING DAY

AS TRUE SAMOSA BLOG FANS WILL KNOW INDIA AND LANA ARE BOTH FROM YORKSHIRE, SOUTH AND WEST RESPECTIVELY. IT IS NORTHERN TRADITION THAT WHEN INDIA AND LANA FREQUENT THE NORTH FOR CHRISTMAS THEY HAVE A CURRY. BECAUSE YOU KNOW WEST YORKSHIRE IS THE BEST FOR CURRY.

CARDAMON IS IN BINGLEY AND IT WAS OUR FIRST TIME GOING AND WE WERE THINKING CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE’VE BEEN HERE LANA HAS LIVED THERE FOR 18 YEARS AND NEVER STEPPED FOOT IN THE PLACE BUT IT HAS ONLY BEEN OPEN A FEW YEARS SO THAT MIGHT BE WHY

ANYWAY WE WERE WITH THE LEE’S EATING POPADOMS AND HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME THINKING ABOUT FOOD AND CURRY AND BEER. WE ORDERED THE SAMOSAS TO SHARE AND THEY ARIVED PROMPTLY AND HERE’S WHAT THEY LOOKED LIKE

WELL FIRST IMPRESSIONS TELL YOU THAT YES THERE IS A GOOD AMOUNT OF SAUCE ISNT THERE AND ALSO A NICE SALAD. THEY DONT LOOK TOO OILY AND ARE OF GOOD SIZE.

THE PASTRY WAS NICE AND CRISP WHICH LANA LIKED. INDIA AND LANA WERE QUITE TORN ON THE INSIDES HOWEVER. INDIA THOUGHT THAT IT WAS QUITE BLAND AND LACKING IN SEASONING. LANA THOUGHT THEY WERE NICE BUT ALSO AGREED ABOUT THE SEASONING. THEY HAD A DECENT AMOUNT OF FILLING AND WERE QUITE HEARTY WHICH ON A COLD EVENING LIKE THAT EVENING IT WAS NEEDED. HOWEVER IT STILL LACKED TASTE WHICH WAS SURPRISING AS THE CURRY WAS SO BANGING THAT WE ARE STILL DREAMING OF IT TODAY IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST CURRIES WE HAVE EVER HAD ON THIS PLANET SO GO TO CARDAMON BINGLEY FOR THE CURRY AND THE BHAJIS BUT MAYBE NOT THE SAMOSAS.

WE FORGOT TO TAKE A PHOTO OF THE SAMOSAS NEAR THE TINSEL SO HERE’S THE PLATE WITH THE SAMOSAS NOT ON IT ANYMORE CAUSE WE ATE THEM NEAR THE TINSEL

HOW CHRISTMASSY

6/10

THAT’S ALL FOR NOW JOIN US NEXT TIME WHERE WE TALK TO DOGS ABOUT HOW MUCH THEY LOVE SAMOSAS.

#SAMOSA #BLOG #SAMOSA FOOD #SAMOSA CHRISTMAS #CHRISTMAS #SECRET SANTA SAMOSA #SAMOSA SAMOSA FUCKING SAMOSA

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ted-hyung · 7 years ago

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hello !! i heard u liked jinseob so id like to req some lol its kinda bizarre but a jinseob promposal au where woojin wants to ask seob out to prom but he has no romantic sense and his friends dont make it any better for him lmao

hi hello holy shit how long have you been waiting, anon-sshi?

here have fl00f and a concept I dig the most: park woojin not being a clueless bean aka me borrowing his on-stage personality LMAO. I hope you’ll like it. tell your friends about it, give kudos and comments on AO3 and give likes and reblogs here lmao oppa had a good time writing this

will always be inspired by these:

“you’re serious about this.”

“uh, yeah.” woojin nods, easily, to answer his best friend’s constant, exaggerated reaction ever since woojin declared that yes, i’m serious about this last week.

woojin doesn’t bother checking whether jihoon is still trailing behind him or not, eyes never leaving the plushie section where literally every disney characters ever exist are staring back at him. mickey mouse, winnie the pooh, piglet, that orange fish… hmm, but where’s the one woojin is looking for? he’s pretty sure it’s—she?—from disney, though, that female rabbit in a cop costume. he did his research and according to a pann post, this huge toy’s store at coex mall is selling that female rabbit in a cop costume plushie.

what’s her name again? julie? julie hope?

“but, seriously?” jihoon asks, again, with the same amount of wonder like the first time, and woojin hums, touching buzz lightyear’s head as he passes by.

“yolo, i guess?” he glances at jihoon who’s grinning so wide the apples of his round cheeks are the cutest among all of these polyester cuties.

“duuuuude, alright alright,” jihoon chuckles, pouncing at woojin’s back like a tiger cub. “i’m totally supporting you. sorry if i had doubt, i mean, i wasn’t even sure this guy really existed until last week!”

he’s a gemini through and through, though not necessarily having split personalities. woojin is already used to jihoon’s change of heart and mind and which spanish football clubs he’s rooting for during their ten years of friendship.

“chill, bro.” woojin tickles the underside of jihoon’s chin with his fingers. “just help me find the female rabbit in a cop costume.”

“judy hopps-noona? dude, she’s on the front display.” jihoon says, stopping on his tracks with his arms still around woojin’s shoulders. “i saw her placed next to nick wilde-hyung.”

right, woojin forgot that jihoon is disney slash pixar supremacist. jihoon could recite word after word of that red talking car animation and woojin doesn’t exactly mind every time jihoon forces him to sit through amazing two hours-ish storytelling because jihoon is his english class savior for the past ten years.

he lets jihoon tugging him back to the storefront, their clasped hands causing quite a fuss for a couple of giggly girls who happen to look twice at their direction; most likely at jihoon’s face and jihoon’s ugly neon pink-neon yellow shoelaces and jihoon’s glaring purple colored jansport. woojin? woojin has black hair, tanned skin, and a generic black backpack, totally out of anybody’s radar.

judy hopps-noon—judy hopps is indeed placed on the front display, side to side with a red fox in green, tropical shirt. jihoon picks up one of judy hopps plushies, greets her politely, and asks woojin to take his picture with her.

woojin doesn’t even blink at jihoon’s antics. it’s been ten years, remember? he does as he’s asked, directing jihoon to tilt his head a little bit to the left, ignoring the camera shutters coming from not-so-sneaky giggly girls from before. also another recurrent episodes of being park jihoon’s best friend for the past ten years, so woojin is not even fazed at all by the girls’ bold action.

after a couple of different cute poses, jihoon says, as he types some clever caption for his new instagram post for his fifty thousand something followers, “you know, judy-noona has a cute carrot pen in the movie. it can record voices, so she used it to record her convo with nick-hyung as a blackmail material.”—his tone so nonchalant as if he didn’t just save woojin from any future embarrassment because even though woojin said i’m sure about this, well, he could do some assistance from inanimate objects.

here’s the thing:

the hanlim kid is definitely not a girl.

here’s another:

it’s not like woojin has a traumatic experience with girls whatsoever. the older girl who was in the dance club together, the one who agreed to date him because she had a dare with her classmates to see who could score a boyfriend the fastest? nah, she wasn’t a big deal. it happened when he was just a naïve freshman and he managed to add another reputation to his name beside being park jihoon’s lifelong sidekick—which is actually an insult, according to jihoon himself who’s always ready to fight anyone when it comes to woojin’s wellbeing.

anyway.

so woojin got his dancing skill acclaimed by the whole school as he’s very active in the dance club, like, he helped the team won high school regional dance competition upon his first two months and his fancam that the dance club’s supervisor uploaded to the school’s website got a little bit viral. he was that good—still is! if you listen closely you could hear jihoon protesting—and woojin, who didn’t really stand out in middle school except for his cute snaggletooth, finally understood how awesome it was to bask in the acknowledgement, especially from that older girl.

woojin didn’t understand when she explained. he didn’t understand why jihoon was so furious at her he had to physically prevent jihoon from marching to her class, she was a senior for god’s sake, with his jaw clenched tight and his then chubby cheeks flaming red in anger. he didn’t understand anything, letting go was easy because what is love? what did he know about love when he was sixteen? what does he know about love now that he’s older and not necessarily wiser because he’s going to ask a hanlim kid, who’s definitely not a girl, to go to prom with him?

jihoon wasn’t aware about the hanlim kid because he always sleeps on their way to school, head lolling left and right but never landing on woojin’s shoulder. the bus is never crowded from where they get on. the hanlim kid always takes the window seat two seats ahead of woojin and jihoon’s ten minutes after them, while his handsome and cute friend with curled hair will get on three minutes after him, and they will get off the bus five minutes later right in front of hanlim multi art school, leaving woojin and jihoon for another ten minutes ride to seoul gangseo.

woojin has his plan laid out neatly. he puts judy-noona in an unassuming paper bag. he makes sure that he puts the carrot pen that has his voice recorded in the same unassuming paper bag. no one is paying him any attention when he sits on the hanlim kid’s usual seat to transfer judy-noona and the carrot pen there with jihoon filming his action for his very own future blackmail material. nick-hyung is sure a bad influence for his best friend.

now they wait on their usual seat at the back of the bus.

“dude, good fucking luck!” jihoon says in his uncharacteristic high-pitched voice he only ever shows to woojin and to any disney slash pixar characters. “i fucking hope he says yes!” and yes, jihoon tends to curse a lot when he’s too excited.

woojin has just stored the unassuming paper bag in his generic black backpack when the hanlim kid boards the bus. ah. the familiar deep ache in his chest once he sets his eyes on the slim figure is a loud sign that woojin made the right decision, one that was inspired by seoul gangseo’s school prince mark lee, his dearest classmate, who got asked out to prom by a buff kid from seoul gangseo science. that’s why woojin is confident in his plan to ask the hanlim kid, someone from outside of seoul gangseo, to go to prom with him.

what woojin knows is that it’s not love. he likes looking at the hanlim kid who started boarding the same bus woojin and jihoon take for the past two and a half years just right on the start of twelfth grade semester. he thought the hanlim kid looks like some concept he couldn’t pinpoint what until he saw judy-noona in an advertisement, with eyes so round and big, cute button nose that would scrunch whenever he laughs at his curly hair’s friend jokes, and red, full lips that complement that would pout as he complains about homework and assignments.

it’s not love.

but if you ask woojin if he’s always looking forward to his morning rides to school then he would answer yes without any hesitation. if you ask woojin if he thinks the hanlim kid would look good together with him in matching prom suits, then he would answer of course they would have you seen that face? and if you ask woojin if he’s ready to be turned down by the hanlim kid, woojin would shrug because honestly that thought never crossed him at all; in his vivid vision, he can only see himself having a good time with the hanlim kid at prom, secretly laughing at jihoon who will go with someone—definitely not kwon hyeob, their handsome classmate—sulking for the rest of the night.

woojin sees nothing but closing his high school year sweetly with the hanlim kid, ahn hyungseob.

who’s currently staring at him with his big, big, round eyes widened and his red, full lips open in a small ‘o’, long fingers clutching judy-noona and her carrot pen gently to his chest.

jihoon squeals, curses out loud, and covers his mouth with both of his hands.

woojin grins.

this is it.

#jinseob #wanna one #produce 101 #park woojin #ahn hyungseob #wanna one fic #produce 101 fic #* answered thank you

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