#they care so so so so soso much. im so fucking sad

[rbtlvr]

loop isat you make me so ill

[another-delta-lover]

YAP [RANT] TO ME ABT HEAVY!!!!!

HE'S SO FUCKING PERFECT.

I get MAD when people simp for medic bc, I understand, tumblr insane sexy man blabla yadda yadda IDGAF

You all CAN'T SEE HOW MUCH OF A PERFECT PERSON HE IS. He's such a good person, he's such a good son and older brother, doin the dishes for his mama, caring about the absolute safety of his sisters, LITERALLY SAVING EM FROM A THING I FORGOT IT'S NAME WHEN HE WAS LIKE, IDK FUCKIN <20< ??? HE'S SUCH A GOOD FAMILY MEMBER. HE WOULD PROTECT U SO WELL AND ALWAYS CARE ABOUT UR SAFETY. AUGH ES UN HOMBRE Q RESUELVE LO JURO. HE ALSO RISKS HIS LIFE TO HAVE MONEY FOR THEM??? AAAAAAAAAAA. He does enjoy his job a lot (WHICH I LOVE IN SOMEONE. HELL YEAH ENJOY UR JOB AND GET WELL PAID), But the main reason of him working is just for his family and the money to help them. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?????

Also HE'S SUCH A GOOD TEAMMATE???? HE WILL PROTECT ALL OF HIS TEAM WITHOUT FEAR AND WIN??? AND ALL HE NEEDS IS SOME CUNTY GAY ASS GERMAN DUDE BEHIND HIM??. He could be such a good grandpa/father figure or even just a really good n close friend to all the mercs, but even so, he acts so cold so quiet and mysterious around em🤭

AND ALSO!!! His masculinity ain't broken by showing love to his teammates??? He can hug em and literally yell to them "I LOVE YOU" from across the map??? Sayin "I LOVE YOU DOKTOR!!" Isn't common between men, even less in that time. If he IS gay, good for him! If he isn't, I'm glad he can express how much he loves someone without the fear of lookin weak is something I admire soso muchhh.

He has a minigun the SIZE OF MY FUCKIN BODY THAT HE CAN CARRY RUNNING WITHOUT ANY KIND OF PROBLEM??? HE COULD CARRY ME AROUND LIKE A STICK AND WOULDN'T EVEN AAHAGAJSHDHAGSH DO YOU REALIZE HE TAKES CARE OF THAT GUN LIKE SHE WAS HIS CHILD??? HE'S A GOOD FUCKING PARENT TOO?? AAAHHHH IM NORMAL

He's a good cook, he cooks really nice meals and doesn't mind to share u some, which I wouldn't do bc I don't share my food. HESO NICE AUGHH. I LOVE IT WHEN MA BOI COOKS😭😭😭 IDK WHY THAT MAKES PEOPLE MORE ATTRACTIVE FOR ME.

Also, HE'S SO FUCKING PRETTY???????? IDGAF HE'S BALD, THAT'S THE BEST PARTY. HIS BLUE EYES ARE SO PRETTY N HIS FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE SO SILLYY

LOOK AT HIM!!!! AUGHHH

Also his body is so JAHSLAHDJQHDJALSH he so big so perfect😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 His arms are the size of my whole body. AND HIS HANDS AAAAAAAAAA. He so FAT I LOVE HIM. I need him to crush me un a hug so badly. U all don't understand how much of a good body that could be in a relationship. U cold? U hug him problems gone. U wanna be cozy at night but the pillow is too small? He's the biggest pillow and he can hug u back that's soNSHSJAVDJSHD. He can carry u in his arms when u tired, u can lay on his chest and everything.... sighhh.... AND ALSO HE CAN FIGHT A BEAR WITH HIS BARE FISTS AND WIN, THEN EAT IT???? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THAT IS????? LIKE HOLY FUCK THAT'S LIKE THE PEAK OF MANLINESS FOR ME. The question "would u rather be in a forest with a man or with a bear" I'M CHOOSING THIS BEAR HOLY FUCK HE WOULD PROTECT ME FROM THE BEARS.

ALSO HIS VOICE OH GOD HIS VOICE. It's such a loud and strong voice in English 🤭 even tho he isn't the best at it (me neither), HE SPEAKS IN SUCH A WAY IT MAKES ME KICK MY FEET GIGGLE AND CRY. I need him to say nice stuff to me with his cool asf voice. And when IT'S IN RUSSIAN AHHH😩~ I SWEAR He's such an elegant and polite man😭😭😭 he sounds so professional and ajsvqkebalhdmaoevs And IDC what u all say to me, he could sing so perfectly<3 for me his dialogs of him singing are well sung/GEN. I just imagine him singing:

To me.... Ik the song is kinda sad and not very romantic but IDC HE WOULD SOUND SO PERFECTLY.

HE HAS A PHD IN RUSSIAN LITERATURE LIKE....... HE'S SO FUCKING SMART. HE'S ALSO PRETTY FUCKIN RICH??? IT COST 400,000 DOLLARS TO FIRE HIS WEAPON FOR 12 SECONDS???? AND I'M PRETTY SURE THAT IF HE KNOWS THAT HE'S 1. really fucking smart 2. THE ONE WHO PAYS??? Even if he wasn't rich I still love him a lot but I'm poor so that would make it slightly better. AND ALLTHE MONEY TO HIS FAMILY MOSTLY AUGHHH ALSHAKSHAKDHA

Also his COSMETICS. HIS FUCKING COSMETICS ARE SO HOT AAAAAAA. Most of em are normal silly hats but WHEN THEY AREN'T. OHMY GOD THOSE DARK GLOVES GOT MY LEGS SHAKIN. AND HAVE YOU SEEN HIM IN SUITS??? OH GOD AUGHHH. Not into mafia people n stuff BUT.... FOR HIM I MAKE A BIG AHH EXCEPTION. And also, i want to point out the fact that HE WEARS DRESSES. I shouldn't make it a big dear but DO YOU UNDERSTAND IT'S THE 60's-70's???? AND HE'S A BIG RUSSIAN MAN???? He broke the gender dressing codes of the time not only bc he's a man wearing dresses, but a BIG MAN WEARING THEM??? AND A RUSSIAN MAN??? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH THAT MEANS TO ME????💔💔💔💔 Also his hats are cute I like them.

Just to summary:

Medic < HEAVY!!!

Good person I general, son, older brother, teammate, friend, father and possible partner, risking his life for his family.

He doesn't think lovin teammates is weird or GAY. Unless he is, but honestly good for him

STRONG AS HELL. AJGAJAHDJA

GOOD COOK!!!!

PRETTY!!!!!PRETTY REALLY PRETTY!!! HANDSOME

GORGEOUS FREAKING BODY.

FOUGHT WITH A BEAR AND WON

VOICE OF AN ANGEL!!!!

SMART AND RICH??? AND HE DESERVES TO BE RICH.

AMAZING STYLE.

DOESN'T CARE ABOUT GENDER NORMS.

YOU ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND. YOU ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. AAAGHHHHH ILOVEHIM YOU ALL CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU ALL CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU DON'T YOU CAN'T YOU YOU ALL CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND.

[divinelolita]

GOOD MORNINGGGG(istg if you dont reply to those tiktoks imma-)

ANYWAY i woke up and had an idea for u cuz im so smart and imma give it to you

so lemme get theeee mcflurry and a big mac(full band headcannons) with a bf who just be maddddd clingy and they love it like all the time but thing is if someone does it a lot then they bound to need space and they thought if they told reader to stop he finna be sad

BUT sooner or mf they yell(not yell yell) for reader to stop for just a god damn minute and readers just like "ok🤷🏾" AND WALKS AWAY AND DOESNT HUG OR KISS THEM FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK(hell even two)💀💀💀💀like they will sit next to bro and he doesn't even lean on them😭🤚🏾

like he aint mad or nothin he just took it really literally😭

add anything you want like duhhh

BAND X CLINGY READER

teehee hii😈 you send me like 10 tiktoks in under a minute bro

BILL:

・He genuinely does love when your clingy

・Bro is clingy asf himself oml-

・Yet everybody needs alone time to themselves, and eventually he would just feel the need to be alone

・He really didn't want to hurt your feelings, he knew this was your way of showing your love, but he would eventually get overwhelmed.

・At first he'd try giving you small hints, like when he would say he wanted to go out for a walk. Yet everytime you wanted to come along and he didn't have the willpower to ask to go alone.

・He puts up with it for a little longer before he reaches a breaking point.

"M/N! Please just leave me alone for a second holy fuck-"

"Oh, okay."

・He'd feel relieved you weren't mad at him

・Yet after a day- hell maybe even a few hours- he's craving that touch again.

・Like sitting next to you on the couch just waiting for you to hold his hand or cuddle him VKYXWUHWVEE

・You took u alot of his time so now that you didn't hang out with him as much he felt surprisingly lonley.

TOM:

・Less patient than Bill.

・Babe he loves your touch, kissing you and holding you and snuggling you and-

・He won't admit it but he's actually quite clingy too.

・He really loves his alone time though, especially if its spent playing his guitar. He just likes to be alone to relax his mind

・Gives you a few subtle warnings, telling you he "has to clear his mind" and "needs to relax"

・Yet you would still cling to his shoulders like a koala. He loved you soso much and didn't want to hurt your feelings but he felt almost suffocated.

・Telling you he's going somewhere only for you to say "Ah, where are you going? Can I come too?"

"Can I go anywhere without you following me?!"

・lol ok

・You shrugged and walked away from him, he wanted to tell out your name and call you back but he also wanted time to himself

・Feels anxious when you don't hug or kiss him like you used to, he's afraid you'll break up with him or something.

GEORG:

・He'd get overwhemles pretty quickly

・No no, don't get him wrong, he absolutely loves hugging you. But sometimes he would rather hangout and talk instead of snuggling for hours.

・So if you ask to go out with him somewhere he doesn't care at all at first, actually encouraging you to come along with him.

・But, like Tom, he loves to be alone.

・It's just comforting for him to be in a quiet area with nobody else.

・Bro gives no warnings, just flat out says "Can you not touch me right now..?"

"My bad."

・He's happy you understand him and don't just yell at him. He's happy you respect his boundaries

・He finds himself missing your touch, how you would kiss him all over his cheeks and lips or how you would play with his hair when yo would cuddle.

・HE THINKS YOUR MAD AT HIMMMMMMMM

・He's kinda scared to ask you to start giving him attention again

・You seem fine so...shouldnt he feel fine too?

(he doesn't)

GUSTAV:

・KJHBECJJLEFCBLUIEHRCLKUWEBDCLJHWEDCMKWEDCBMJDCMJWEDBM

・He absolutely loves your affection, doesn't care if he's doing something he will stop and hold you if that's what you want.

・He just feels so safe and happy in your armssss

・Sometimes he just needs a little break, like maybe a few hours or a day to himself.

・He always feels bad about this though, he loves you more than anything and doesn't wanna push you away.

・He'd give so many hints because he doesn't wanna hurt your feelings omfg

・Eventually just tells you flat out, even though his heart is pounding.

"I just need to be alone, M/N!" "That's fine."

・He doesn't know whether to be confused or relieved, he's a mix of both.

・He misses your affection so bad wtf...

・Just wants to pick you up and cuddle while watching a movie, but he's waiting for you to make a move but you want to respect him and-

・its very confusing.

[laly-481]

Not sure if i should do this on your sideblog or here so doing it here!

I feel like itll get obvious after i finish bc oh boi i have a lot to say (also you may recognize my typing)

YOURE FR ONE OF THE BEST PERSON I EVER MET AND IM SO GENUINELY 100% SINCERE LIKE!!!!! God itll be difficult expressing myself without making it obvious so fuck it

MY LOVELY PLATONIC WIFE ILSYM /P I FR CONSIDER YOU AS MY BEST FRIEND!!!! its already been. what. 2 years we're friends now?? And i usually struggle sm keeping friendships for long so i just really really appreciate the fact that we still managed to stick together for so long, rambling about our new hyperfixations to the other to the point of sometimes making it the others hyperfixation and then just having sm brainrots and all together and even creating aus and characters together and even if we never finish anything which is a bit sad the process is always soso fun and i appreciate each and every moment i spent with u ever!!

Youre like one of the people i feel the most comfortable with if not the most?? Like i feel i can just ramble about most of whatever the fuck passes my mind without u judging me which. Probably often ends in your notifs being flooded by me. Oopsies.

Know that ill always always support u bc youre someone so important to me and i really care about and sometimes i just randomly think "damn im so glad to have met laly" bc thats genuinely what i think youre just so!!! Amazing!!!

Anddd i think i should stop because this is getting too long but basically; YOURE ONE OF THE BEST PEOPLE IVE EVER MET AND I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH /P MWAH HERE TAKE COOKIES CUZ YOURE EPIC 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

JDQBMVABLMFAENLKFA GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET

ILYYYY /P I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT TALKING AND STUFF SO I DON'T SAY IT ENOUGH JUT ILY !!!!!

[taintedcigs]

Now, he is sitting here, in the corner of the bar, with a drink that he had bought with his fake ID, soon he won’t have to use it anymore. With his head hung low, he lets his mind go to places that he had avoided all day. Dark thoughts that hold nothing but heartbreak and loneliness. He doesn’t feel miserable, just really fucking sad. He has people who care about him, friends who love him, people he now considers family. And yet, he still feels lonelier than ever.  ALLLLREADY CRYING. dude this is so SO Sad. but at the same time soooo relatable. im gonna die he needs a hug fr :(( ill give him some warm hugssss

Before his mind can react, his heart is already fluttering when he hears your voice. He raises his head, eyes finding you immediately. You’re here. You’re here with Eddie. And you look more beautiful than ever. OH MY GOD STOP ITTT. I LOVE THIS SMMM THEM RUNNING INTO EACH OTHER FUUUUCKKKK!!!

But, Eddie has Wayne, he always had Wayne. Steve doesn’t. He doesn’t have anyone who looks after him. He is all by himself.  STOP STOP STOP THIS IS SO SAD. THIS IS WHY THEY'RE SO TETHERED. THEY SHOULD JUST KIS- HUG I MEAN UHHH AND LIKE COMFORT EACH OTHER.

“Please, Eddie,” you whisper, mustering up the best puppy eyes and a pout that he can never say no to. “We can just have fun together, you’ve never met drunk Steve before, he can be funny – unless he decides to break your heart but, that won’t happen to you, don’t worry,” you giggle. LMAOOO IM CRYING SHE JUST HAS NO CHILL BUT LIKE GO GIRL. I DEAL W MY TRAUMAS BY JOKING ABT THEM TOO SHES SO REAL FOR THIS ONE IDC.

“Lay off, Robin. Maybe he just wanted to get a few drinks and not deal with your annoying ass,” he says to her with a grin.  IMMMM CRYING AT EDDIE AND READER GANGING UP AGAINST ROBIN TO PROTECT STEVE. IM LOVING THEIR DYNAMIC. SOSO MUCH. JUST SO FUN AND WARMS MY HEART.

“Not like that.”  “Like what?”  “Like you’re mocking me!” Steve exclaims. “How am I mocking you, Steve?” ONCE AGAIN. I LOVE THEIRY DYNAMIC. THEY ARE SO BOYFRIENDS. AND THEY'RE ALSO READERS BOYFRIENDS. IK WE'RE NOT GETTING STEDDIE X READER BUT LIKE ITS STILL FUN LMAOO.

Steve can’t even fight the smile off his lips, his eyes crinkle, his cheeks flush and he giggles, “we’re in the pool, having the best time of our lives, right? And, fifteen year old me apparently thought that it was a good idea to kiss my best friend, but I totally missed her lips and kissed her nose and she fucking laughed at me, but I wanted to try again. I lean in when I suddenly feel the urge to throw up.” KISSING HER NOSE IM CACKLINNNGGG. THE WAY ROBIN IS PROB LISTENING TO THEIR STORY LIKE THIS

“A girlfriend?” You ask as you raise the glass to your lips, shrugging, “I don’t know, I never thought about it but kissing girls is fun, so.. I suppose doing anything else with a girl is fun too.” UHM... HELLO? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? NANCY X READER IS SO REAL? I WON? WE'RE SO FUCKING BAD NANCYREADER NATIONNNNN. (let me live my delusion)

“What’s that?” ohhhhhh shit. steve you fucked up sooo damn bad. like not even once? NOT EVEN ONCE?? you could've at least tried and fucked up but this is AWWWFUUUL.

Oh. Steve had never – fuck. How? If you were his, he’d spend day and night on his knees, worshiping you. why are there flutters and butterflies in my stomach and vagina rn. im literally on the verge of dying.

“Fine! Two or three months ago, happy? Now, Harrington, I think I should teach you some basics.” OHHHH SHIT. EDDIE U FUCKED UPPPP?!?!?! IDC READER HAS A RIGHT TO BE MAD!!! I SUPPORT WOMENS RIGHTS BUT ALSO WOMENS WRONGS (she could do no wrong reader is my angel princess)

“You have never actually eaten pussy before, dude?” Robin mumbles. Steve rubs the back of his neck, nervously, “I mean, yeah. Just not–” he pauses with a look of shame in his eyes as he briefly glances at you. IM CRYING STEVE JUST STFUUUUUU U R DIGGING URSELF INTO A BIGGER GRAVE STAWPP IT.

Whether it’s tears of anger or tears of sadness. You are sick of it. You are sick of yourself. You are sick of crying. You are sick of the pining, of the jealousy, of the sadness. OH MY POOR ANGEL. EDDIE U BETTER FIIIIX IT RN. MAYBE GIVE HER A BIG OL' KISS? A SMOOCHIE SMOOCH?!? I NEED THEM TOGETHER SO BADLY BUT IM NOT BLAMING GIRLIE FOR THIS ONE.

You are done. You are so fucking done. oh you're always so real cheer. I CANNOT WAIIIT FOR THE TENSION BETWEEN THEM!! AS ALWAYS IM IN LOVE W THIS STORY AND IM SO EXCITED TO SEE MORE FROM EDDIE X READER THEY ARE MY BABIIIESSS.

I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss | part 26

Warnings: 18+, angst, alcohol consumption, weed, mentions of vomiting, mentions of sex, mentions of cunnilingus, clueless reader, jealousy

Pairings: Steve Harrington x fem!reader | Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: During a spontaneous birthday 'party', you find some things out, things that maybe should've been left unsaid.

Word count: 6k+

A/N: So, this chapter took a whole turn while I was writing it. It was supposed to head into a whole different direction but my angsty heart, had to say no to the fluffy route. @hellfire--cult thank you for helping me, you're amazingggg

series masterlist

-

Steve lied. 

He lied again. 

It’s something he hasn’t done in a while. 

He promised himself to never do it again, knowing how much damage it had caused in the past, in both relationships that he had. 

This lie is harmless, though. At least, he thinks that it is. 

He spent the day with Robin and Dustin, they had surprised him with a homemade birthday cake that Robin had made with Chrissy’s help, it would’ve been a cute one, had Dustin not ruined it with his Star Wars decorations. Lucas and Max showed up as well, ‘surprising’ him by throwing a bunch of balloons and confetti at him. 

They made him blow out the candles, before forcing him to open all the presents. Dustin’s present was not surprising, at all. A Star Wars movie collection. Lucas had given him a keychain, with a little basketball pendant. Max acted all careless as always, shrugging it off when he gave her a kind smile and a ‘thank you’, yet, she gave him one of the best presents, a collection of polaroids of him with the teens, with Robin and even you, along with new records, claiming that he needs to expand his music taste. He has yet to unwrap Robin’s presents. 

They ate cake, went to the movies and the diner. And afterwards, Steve drove everyone home. Robin didn’t believe him when he said that he made plans with his parents for the evening, that they’d come home to spend his birthday with him. She was suspicious, not buying the lies he was feeding her with, Steve could tell but she had no choice but to say goodbye when he dropped her off at home, he really didn’t want her to stay longer than she had to, he wanted to be alone, by himself. So, when she begrudgingly got out of the car and gave him a sad smile, he gave her a cheerful one back, pretending to be happy when he was feeling anything but it. 

He didn’t go home. He knew that his parents wouldn’t come and he couldn’t stand the thought of staying in that big house, all by himself, tonight. He drove past your street, as well, fighting the urge to go and see you. 

There is only one place he knew he would find peace at. The Hideout. 

Now, he is sitting here, in the corner of the bar, with a drink that he had bought with his fake ID, soon he won’t have to use it anymore. With his head hung low, he lets his mind go to places that he had avoided all day. Dark thoughts that hold nothing but heartbreak and loneliness. He doesn’t feel miserable, just really fucking sad. He has people who care about him, friends who love him, people he now considers family. And yet, he still feels lonelier than ever. 

He looks around the bar, it’s not very crowded, it never is. Maybe on weekends, but never during the week. Rock music plays in the back, he hears the chatter of a group of young men by the bar, they’re laughing, throwing back drinks – they are clearly having a great time. For a while, Steve watches them. How they laugh with each other, how they all look so carefree and happy. He doesn’t even know what it feels like to feel that way anymore, to have fun and be happy without ruining everything with his actions in the matter of just a few minutes. 

He sighs, leaning back in the chair, he looks down at his drink, that lately he started to find more and more comfort in. 

The door opens but he doesn’t bother to look up, not caring about whoever it is that walked through the door. He is so focused on the miserable feeling inside his chest, the tearing, the longing, the yearning, the hurt. 

Before his mind can react, his heart is already fluttering when he hears your voice. He raises his head, eyes finding you immediately. You’re here. You’re here with Eddie. And you look more beautiful than ever. You’re wearing a black dress and the dark denim jacket that he was cursing at, last year when he had yet to find out who it belonged to. Your hair is falling softly in waves, your lips are glowing a soft pink beneath the dim light, you’re giggling, slapping Eddie’s arm playfully when he whispers something in your ear.

His eyes soften, despite you being here with him, giggling at him, he can’t help but smile when he finally sees you again. It’s only been a few weeks since he had properly seen you, yet, it seems like forever.

When your eyes find him and your giggles die down, your smile falls and your eyes widen. He freezes. Not knowing how to react or what to do. Not only have you caught him staring, you have also caught him lying. Again. You were the first person he lied to about his birthday plans. He looks away with a blush on his cheeks, his hand grip the glass tighter, he inwardly curses himself out for coming here, tonight. 

“It’s his birthday, right?” Eddie mumbles behind you. 

“Yeah,” you whisper in confusion. “He told me that he would spend his birthday with his parents..” 

Eddie looks away from you and back at Steve. He sits there, looking crestfallen. His shoulders are slumped, his face etched with sadness, he can see it, even from a distance. The sight of him sitting there so lonely and sad is pitiful. Eddie knows what he feels like, at this moment. His dad never cared about him, not even on his birthdays, he never even bothered to give him a call from wherever he was currently living or staying at. 

But, Eddie has Wayne, he always had Wayne. Steve doesn’t. He doesn’t have anyone who looks after him. He is all by himself. 

“I guess they didn’t come,” you mumble with sadness and a hint of disappointment in your voice. “They never do.”

“Robin told me that he was acting weird when he dropped her off earlier.” 

Despite his dislike for him, he can’t help but feel bad for Steve. The people he wants the most, aren’t in his life. 

His parents are gone. 

You are gone. 

Steve had changed. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, Eddie can see that he has changed for the better. That he isn’t the guy who hurt you, who left you standing on your birthday, who broke your heart and left you for someone else. He isn’t that guy anymore. Had he still been that guy, Eddie wouldn’t even bother to look at him twice and feel any ounce of pity for him but now, things are different. He is different. In a way, it scares Eddie, because he knows that he now has a chance for a second try, with you. 

“Do you think he’s here by himself?”

You shrug, looking away from Steve, you turn towards Eddie, “yeah.” 

You feel the little item in your pocket, the one that suddenly feels too heavy, the one you itch to reach for and give it to the one you got it for.

Eddie looks down at you, at the sadness in your eyes. For once, it doesn’t make him feel frustrated or annoyed to see you be so sad for someone who hurt you. 

“No one should be alone on their birthday,” Eddie mumbles.  

“Yeah,” you sigh, looking down at your hands. “But, I-I guess it’s what he wanted, he could’ve spent time with Robin.”

“He was with her before, wasn’t he?” 

“Yeah.”

Eddie sighs. There is hesitation in your voice and in your eyes.

“Do you want to spend time with him?” He asks, already feeling the dread tugging in his chest, knowing that the night won’t go the way he wanted it to.

For a moment, you stare into Eddie’s brown eyes, there’s a kindness in them, kindness for him. That is something so rare. 

“Uh, I’m sure he wants to be alone.”

Eddie knows you. Eddie knows what you want, right now. But, you are hesitating out of fear of upsetting him. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispers, placing his finger under your chin, tilting your head up. “I won’t get angry. If you want to spend time with him tonight, we can cancel our plans and you can go be with him.” He nudges his chin into Steve’s directions. “I don’t like him but, shit, even I can’t stand the fucking kicked puppy look that he’s sporting, right now.” 

You eye his face. Even through the sadness for Steve, the smile for you, you can see the slight fear in his eyes. The fear that any moment with you, will be his last one before you find your way back to Steve, before you say goodbye to a friendship that might’ve saved your life. But even through the fear, he still wants the best for you, he still wants what you want. 

“I think he wants to be alone,” you repeat.

Eddie looks over your shoulder to see him staring at you. 

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

You sigh, shaking your head. 

“What if we all hang out together?” 

“Sweetheart, I don’t think that Steve would be happy to spend time with me–”

“Please, Eddie,” you whisper, mustering up the best puppy eyes and a pout that he can never say no to. “We can just have fun together, you’ve never met drunk Steve before, he can be funny – unless he decides to break your heart but, that won’t happen to you, don’t worry,” you giggle. 

He raises his brows at you, surprised that you are making a joke about that. 

“You go buy us drinks and I’ll go convince him to spend time with us. We can just all get drunk together, maybe you’ll finally get along,” you shrug, giving him a sheepish smile, you place your hands on his chest, pushing him towards the bar, not taking no for an answer. 

“I don’t think it’ll take much convincing,” he snorts. As though you would ever have to convince Steve to spend time with you. Eddie is certain that all it takes is a glance from you and that man is already by your side, you got Steve wrapped around your finger, just like him, and you don’t even know it. 

You turn on your heel, not waiting for a response from Eddie. You make your way over to Steve, whose head is still hung low. Your heart thumps a little faster in your chest when you inch closer and closer to him. You push your hand into your pocket, reaching for the tiny bag that you had taken with you earlier when you considered dropping by his house. 

You stop in front of him, taking a shaky breath as you place the small bag on the table, sliding it towards him. 

“Happy birthday, Steve,” you whisper.

His wide eyes stare at the bag, the tiny jewelry pouch that clearly holds a present inside for him. His eyes soften, staring at your ringed fingers that linger next to his hand for a moment. 

He looks up, slowly. Hazel eyes flashing with softness when they meet yours. You stare at him with a shy smile, sadness lingering in your pretty eyes. His heart flutters so strongly, he longs to touch you. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, giving you a smile. “W-What’s that?” He asks, pointing to his present without tearing his eyes from you. 

“I got you a little present. I-It’s nothing special just, I just wanted to get you something. You don’t have to open it now, just uh–”

“Y/n,” he smiles, interrupting your rambling, “you didn’t even have to get me anything but I appreciate it, I will love it.” 

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“Yeah but it’s from you, so, I will love it, dolly.” 

A smile appears on your face, you nod slowly, whispering a small ‘okay’. You know that Steve always loved to keep certain presents for last, so you’re not surprised to see him tucking it into the pocket of his jeans. 

“Your parents didn’t come?” 

He looks down, holding the glass tighter, he shakes his head, unable to bear the pitiful look on your face. 

“Oh.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers before you can say ‘I'm sorry, steve.’ He doesn’t want you to pity him. 

“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t be alone.” 

“I-I wasn’t alone, I was with Robin all day and the kids–”

“But, now you are.”

He raises his head to look at you. And, before he can even say anything, his words get caught in his throat when he looks at you. Your eyes are glistening, not with tears and sadness, but with something else, something he cannot read. You look at him differently than you did weeks ago, not in a way that scares him or breaks him but, in a way, that only leaves him with one too many questions. He struggles to read you, to understand you. It’s like he can no longer see through you the way he could before. Nonetheless, he feels so calm and safe in your presence and he wants this moment to last forever. 

“Right now, I’m not, though. You’re here.”

You smile at his words. 

“Yeah, I’m here.” 

When Eddie appears by your side, Steve tries not to let his smile fall. 

Right. He is here too. 

“Happy Birthday, man.”

To Steve’s surprise, he sees Eddie not with two but three shots in his hands, he places them all on the table. Grinning at him in a way he can’t tell whether it’s a kind one or a sarcastic one. 

“Thanks,” Steve nods at him. 

Eddie pulls the chair back for you, you smile at him, taking the seat across from Steve. Eddie sits down beside you, leaving Steve with a questioning look on his face as he looks between the two of you. 

“W-What?”

“You think we’re gonna let you spend the night alone, Harrington?” 

Steve looks at Eddie in confusion, hearing these words not from yours but from his mouth leaves him more puzzled than ever. Eddie spending time with him willingly? He purses his lips, squinting his eyes as he turns to look at you. You smile at him, shrugging. You slide one of the shots towards him. 

“I mean, I thought that we could spend this night together,” you say, smiling with hope in your eyes. “Or we can leave if that’s what you–”

“No, I-I want to.”

He looks between you two, giving Eddie an awkward smile. 

“Cool! Let’s drink, then.” 

“Yeah, let’s drink,” he chuckles as he ditches his glass of whiskey for the shot of whatever Eddie had ordered. 

“When’s the last time you got drunk?” You ask them both. 

“Oh man,” Eddie mumbles, leaning back in his seat, he puts his arm on the back of your chair. “I don’t even remember, it’s been a while. What about you, sweetheart?” 

“Uh, well, I had a cocktail night with the girls, a few weeks ago,” you say, giggling. “Oh, also at a party.”

You and Eddie look at each other, he instantly knows what party you are talking about when he sees the amused look on your face. He chuckles, though he instantly gets taken back that night. When you showed up with that stolen bat plushie, when you told him how much you missed him, when you told him that you wished you met him first. 

Steve looks between you two, a sinking feeling in his stomach takes place. There are things you share with Eddie, things that he will never know about because he isn’t in his place anymore. 

“I knew it! I knew you were lying to me, Dingus!” 

Startled by the voice, all three of you snap your heads towards the angry girl walking towards the three of you with a frown on her face, pointing her finger at Steve. 

Steve’s eyes widen, “I can explain.” 

Something about the anger on Robin’s face and the panic in Steve’s features makes you giggle.

Robin slaps the back of his head, lightly. 

“Ouch! Robin!”

“You are such a–”

“Dingus, yeah yeah, I know.” 

Eddie laughs at that, smirking at Steve who throws him a glare.

“You think that’s funny, Munson?” 

Eddie leans back with a satisfied grin, “actually yeah.”

Robin plops down in the seat next to Steve, still staring at him with a frown on her face. 

“Why did you lie to me? Why are you here?” 

Steve sighs, scratching the back of his neck as he gives her a sheepish smile. 

“And what are you two doing here?” She asks, turning to look at you and Eddie. 

“Came here for a couple of drinks and then we found this sad puppy,” Eddie mumbles, pointing at Steve. 

Steve rolls his eyes, mumbling a few incoherent words under his breath. 

“We just asked him to spend the night with us.” 

Robin gives you a surprised look before her eyes move back to Eddie, who, doesn’t look as enthusiastic about this whole thing as you do. 

“How did you even know I was here?” 

Robin leans her elbow on the table, tilting her head at Steve, “well, I was craving some burgers and my favorite driver was apparently at a birthday dinner so I couldn’t ask him to drive me, so I walked, imagine my surprise when I saw a certain BMW standing in front of The Hideout.”

“Robin–”

“No! Don’t Robin me! Why’d you lie?” 

Steve didn’t want her to feel like it’something she had to do, hang out with him, spend his birthday with him because there’s no one else for him other than her. He doesn’t want her to do anything out of pity for him. 

He doesn’t feel comfortable to talk about it in front of Eddie or even you, knowing that you pity him the most. You always did and he hated it. A part of him always thought that that’s why you were with him, because you pitied him, the sad boy who was always abandoned by his own parents, because you knew he had no one else that cared about him, that loved him. So you stayed, you stayed even when you shouldn’t have.

Even now, you look at him with those big sad eyes with that look of pity in them. 

“Robin,” you warn when you notice how uncomfortable he looks, how he clenches his jaw and bites his lip.

Eddie senses the tension, the looks you are giving Robin, the way she is ignoring you because she desperately wants an explanation from Steve. 

“Lay off, Robin. Maybe he just wanted to get a few drinks and not deal with your annoying ass,” he says to her with a grin. 

She flips him off, rolling her eyes at him. 

“Just relax, here, take my shot and drink it, you need it, Robin,” you say, sliding the shot glass towards her. 

She turns towards the two of you, shaking her head with squinted eyes, “you’re both pretty rude.” 

“So are you, Robby.”

“Ew,” she scrunches her face up at Eddie, “don’t fucking call me Robby.”

“I’m gonna keep calling you that, if you don’t stop being so rude to sad birthday boy over there.” 

Steve sighs, running his hand down his face. 

“Can you just call me Steve, dude?” 

You giggle at the annoyed look on his face. 

Eddie grins, “okay, Steve.” 

“Not like that.” 

“Like what?” 

“Like you’re mocking me!” Steve exclaims. 

“How am I mocking you, Steve?” 

Steve scoffs, shaking his head, “see, you’re doing it again!”

“Oh my god, shut the hell up!” Robin slams her hands against the table, truly, shutting them both up. “Eddie, get me a drink.” 

Both Steve and Eddie look at her as though she had grown two heads, while you giggle at her little outburst. 

“That was an order.” 

“Damn girl,” Eddie whistles, getting up from his chair, “you need more than one drink,” he mumbles as he walks off. 

“You are both two immature idiots,” she groans, burying her hands in her hair. 

“You are so mean to me,” Steve mumbles, looking at her in disbelief, “and that on my birthday!” 

A smile tugs at your lips, you look between them, chuckling at the way she rolls her eyes at him. 

“You know what, I really need a few drinks.” 

“Wait, are we actually doing this?” Steve asks, gesturing to the shots on the table. 

“What, getting drunk?” 

He nods at you. 

“Yeah. Just like old times, right?” You smile at him in a way you always used to. 

“Just like old times.” 

His eyes suddenly flash with amusement, he snorts, “do you remember my fifteenth birthday?” 

Your eyes widen as a giggle falls from your lips. 

“Of course I remember!”

Robin’s eyes flash with curiosity. There’s things she doesn’t know about yours and his friendship, things neither you or Steve had talked about yet. 

“Wait, what happened on your fifteenth birthday?” 

Your eyes light up with excitement, you lean closer to the table, looking at Steve, waiting for him to tell the story. 

He chuckles at the look on your face before he turns his body towards Robin. 

“We stole my dad’s super expensive wine, he was supposed to take it to some event – I got in so much trouble for that, by the way,” he says to you. 

“I know, I know. Keep going, Steve.”

“Alright, so, we stole that wine bottle. We played a drinking game, kept passing that bottle back and forth until we were fucking hammered,” he says, chuckling as he thinks back to that day in his backyard. The way you giggled at anything he said, the way you danced and ran around barefoot on the grass, the way you jumped in his pool, fully clothed, the way he hugged you when you were both in the water.

“This crazy girl over there started to cannon ball into my pool–” 

You giggle at the memory. 

“She did it over and over again and it looked so fun so I joined her. Honestly, it was pretty fun but I had half a bottle of wine and ate a whole pizza before that.” 

“Oh,” Robin scrunches her face up, already seeing where this is going. 

Steve can’t even fight the smile off his lips, his eyes crinkle, his cheeks flush and he giggles, “we’re in the pool, having the best time of our lives, right? And, fifteen year old me apparently thought that it was a good idea to kiss my best friend, but I totally missed her lips and kissed her nose and she fucking laughed at me, but I wanted to try again. I lean in when I suddenly feel the urge to throw up.” 

“Oh, ew! Stop!” 

“He threw up in the pool, Robin!”

“That’s so disgusting!” She whines, trying to get the image of Steve puking into the pool out of her head, “you don’t have any better stories to tell?” 

You and Steve can’t help but laugh harder at her reaction. 

“I mean the kiss on the nose is fucking embarrassing, Steve. But throwing up in front of her afterwards?” 

“I thought it was funny,” you giggle. 

“What is funny?” Eddie asks when he comes back with two drinks for Robin, placing them on the table and sliding them towards her before he sits down beside you again. 

“Trust me, you don’t wanna know,” Robin says with a look of disgust on her face. 

“I don’t?” He asks, glancing at you and how amused you look. 

“No, you really don’t.”

“Okay,” he snorts. 

He glances at Steve, grinning at him, “hey dude, I got a birthday present for you.” 

All three of you turn to look at Eddie in surprise, watching him in curiosity when he raises his hand, reaching for something in the pocket of his dark flannel. He picks out a joint, tossing it at Steve who catches it with one hand. 

He laughs at that, raising one brow, giving Eddie a smile, “I do appreciate this, it’s kind of expensive nowadays.” 

“Is it expensive?” You ask, turning to Eddie, “you always give me some for free.” 

Eddie’s lips curl into a smile, he lifts his hand towards your face, tapping your nose with his finger, “well, you’re my best friend.” 

Steve keeps his eyes down, not wanting to look between you and Eddie. 

You smile at the way Eddie looks at you, the way his eyes glisten, the way his cheeks are always a little red, the way–

“Do you guys wanna smoke this?” Steve asks, cutting the voice in your head. 

“Here?” 

He chuckles at Robin, “of course not. We could go back to my place, my parents aren’t home, anyways.”

To Eddie’s surprise, he not only directs these words at you and Robin, he also directs them at him. 

“Uh, I’d love to!” Robin grins. 

Steve gives you a hopeful smile, one that makes it impossible to say no to him. 

“Me too.” 

At that, his eyes light up and his smile grows bigger. 

“Sure, let’s do it.”

“We’ll have to walk though,” Robin gestures to the drink Steve already had, “cause you can’t drive and I don’t have a license.”

He shrugs, “we can take Eddie’s van and I’ll get my car tomorrow morning.” 

“Uh, no,” Eddie mumbles, scratching the back of his neck, “my uncle took my van cause his car is at the shop, we walked here.” 

Steve sighs, “shit.” 

“But you could let me drive, I didn’t have anything yet,” Eddie smirks, pointing to the untouched shots. 

Steve snorts at him with a deep glare, “uh, yeah, keep dreaming, Munson,” he mumbles as he leans back, reaching for the keys in his pockets, you all watch him curiously. “The only one who’s allowed to drive my car is dolly.” 

Robin raises her brows in surprise when Steve chucks his keys at you that you quickly catch, looking down at them with a dumbfounded expression before your eyes light up and you look up, beaming at Steve. 

“Okay, let’s go,” you smile, excitedly as you play with the car keys. You scoot back, getting up from the chair. Robin knocks back one shot before she gets up as well. Steve and Eddie glance at the four untouched shots on the table and then, their eyes meet, they both shrug at each other and reach for two shots, each. 

Robin pats Steve’s shoulder, chuckling when he knocks one back and then the other, grimacing at the strong taste. 

You giggle at Eddie, who looks unfazed by the bitter taste. 

“Let’s go, ladies and.. Steve,” he grins. 

“Dude.”

“Don’t start this again,” Robin warns, pointing at them both before she rushes over to you, wrapping her arm around your shoulder, she grins, “us ladies, ride in the front, and you two can cuddle in the back,” she winks at them, pulling you away with a giggle. 

-

After an eventful ride to Steve’s house and a few shots of tequila, you all settled in his backyard, each of you occupying one of the many loungers around the pool. Passing around the joint that Eddie had given Steve as a ‘birthday gift’. You are sipping on a drink that Steve has made for you, coke mixed with his dad’s expensive whiskey. You are pretty sure that you will regret the amount of alcohol and weed you are having tonight, when you wake up tomorrow morning. But the floaty and giddy feeling you are experiencing right now, will have to make up for it. 

Steve is sitting on the lounger beside you, a can of beer in his hand, his lips wrapped around the joint that is already stained with your lipstick. A spitcurl is hanging in front of his eyes, he doesn’t bother to push it away. He shakes his head at something Robin had said to him, something you didn’t even hear because you were too busy letting your eyes skip back and forth between him and the curly haired metalhead who now left his lounger to be closer to you. 

Eddie wraps his hands around your calves, stroking your skin softly with his ringed fingers as he places your feet on his lap. He does it all without breaking his conversation with Robin. Though he feels the goosebumps on your skin, he hears the breath that hitched in your throat when he touched you. He hides his smirk behind his drink as he takes a sip of the cold beer.

Steve clenches his jaw as he looks between you and Eddie. The way he continues to stroke your calf, the way he smirks at your reaction, the way you are blushing, biting your lip as you look down at the hand touching your skin. 

He forces himself to look away, turning back to Robin, he offers her the joint. 

“Thanks,” she mumbles, giggling when she almost doubles over as she reaches for the joint. 

“Already hammered and we haven’t even played a drinking game yet, tsk,” Eddie shakes his head, giving her a playful grin. 

With an eye roll, she gets up, placing the joint between her lips as she sits down next to Steve. 

“A drinking game, huh? What kind? ‘Never have I ever’? Okay,” She grins at him without giving him a chance to reply. “Never have I ever had a girlfriend,” she smirks, teasing him. 

Steve licks his lips, chuckling at Eddie, who nods at her with an annoyed look on his face. 

You raise your eyebrows, “why are you teasing him, I never had a girlfriend, either,” you shrug. 

“Yeah but you had a boyfriend,” she mumbles, nudging Steve’s shoulder. 

Eddie tilts his head at you, looking you up and down with a smirk, “do you want one?” 

“A girlfriend?” You ask as you raise the glass to your lips, shrugging, “I don’t know, I never thought about it but kissing girls is fun, so.. I suppose doing anything else with a girl is fun too.” 

Eddie’s lips part, his brown eyes widen, darkening as they do so. He swallows as he continues to stare at you. Millions of questions run through his mind. There are things he doesn’t know about you, yet? 

Robin and Steve look at you in surprise. 

“Wait, w-what?” He mumbles, laughing nervously. 

Robin’s lips curl into a smirk, “you kissed a girl before? Who?” 

“Yeah, sweetheart, do tell us your dirty little secrets.” 

“Hmm, no,” you smirk, batting your eyelashes at him. 

“Was that before or after me?” Steve asks, cheeks flushed red as he tries to fight the images out of his mind. 

“Before you,” you giggle. 

“Shit, I wanna know who it was.”

“Me too, Eddie,” Robin says. “I know that it wasn’t Chrissy, she’d tell me.” 

“Huh, was it another girl from the cheer squad?” 

You shake your head at Eddie, biting your lip to keep yourself from laughing. 

“Were you close?” 

You shrug, nodding your head.

Steve squints his eyes, tilting his head at you. 

Robin’s jaw drops a little when she figures it out. There is only one girl that you’re close with that wasn’t in the cheer squad – well, besides her. 

“Holy shit,” she mouths at you, grinning.

Steve and Eddie glance at each other in confusion. 

It’s amusing how obvious the answer is, yet, neither of them are close to figuring it out. 

“If you think kissing a girl is fun, you should try eating one out,” Robin mumbles before she takes a drag from the joint, “it’s the best thing ever.” She blows out the smoke, not noticing the confused frown on your face. 

“For once, I have to agree with you, Robin,” Eddie chuckles. 

Steve freezes, closing his eyes as he looks down. 

“Huh?” 

Noticing the look on your face, Robin suddenly regrets opening her mouth about that. Your lips are parted, your eyes filled with confusion and curiosity, your brows are pinched together as you stare at her with a questioning look on your face. She straightens her back, muttering a quiet ‘fuck’ under her breath when she looks at Steve’s embarrassed face. 

“What’s that?” 

Eddie freezes. The smirk falls from his face, he glances at you, at the clueless, lost look on your face. Oh. Steve had never – fuck. How? If you were his, he’d spend day and night on his knees, worshiping you. 

“Huh?” This time, it’s him, whose confused. 

You look at him with big and curious eyes. 

“What is that, I don’t watch porn.” 

“Damn, I guess it’s time to,” Robin mutters through gritted teeth. 

“Licking someone’s pussy, sweetheart. And well, fucking one with your tongue.” 

Your jaw drops, your cheeks heat up and you stare at him in shock. You look cute like this and he could stare at you forever but, in his state of shock, he slowly turns his head towards Steve, eyes filled with concern, confusion and disbelief, “dude, what is wrong with you?” 

Steve, whose face is beet red, glares at him. 

“I’m very self conscious of not doing a good job, so–”

“You learn!” Eddie throws his hands up. 

“What, Munson, are you the pussy expert or something?” He scoffs, rolling his eyes at him. 

You look back and forth between them. Taking in the sight of Eddie’s slightly angered face and Steve’s embarrassed one. 

“I have eaten my share of pussy, thank you very much.”

The scoff falls from your lips before you can even stop it. Neither of them acknowledge you though, until you open your mouth. “What, like three?” You scoff, again. “You only fucked three girls, that’s what you told me, unless you lied about that.” 

Eddie swallows, glancing at you, he fails to notice just how intense the look in your eyes is. 

“There’s a difference between sex and foreplay, sweetheart.” 

You bite the insides of your cheeks, swallowing the bitterness on your tongue as you look into his eyes. Not once, had you spent a single second wondering if Eddie was seeing someone, if he was fooling around with girls when he wasn’t with you. But now that you think about it, now that you imagine him with other girls, you suddenly feel the bile rising in your throat. The sickening feeling makes you want to drop to your knees and puke out the waffles you had eaten this morning.

“So, when was the last time you did that then, Eddie?” Robin asks, both curious to know and to see your reaction. 

He shrugs, “I don’t know, Buckley. I don’t keep count of how many days–”

“Yes, you do! Men always do!” 

He doesn’t feel comfortable sharing that in front of you, but he knows that Robin won’t drop it until she gets an answer she’s satisfied with. Besides, you probably won’t even care. Despite Dmitri’s encouraging words, he still refuses to believe that there are any feelings other than the platonic ones that you feel for him. This won’t hurt you, right? 

“Fine! Two or three months ago, happy? Now, Harrington, I think I should teach you some basics.” 

You feel as though a cold bucket of water has been dropped on you. Your heart leaps to your throat as your stomach drops. Another wave of sickness floods through you. You stare at him, not noticing Steve’s or Robin’s eyes on you. 

When was that? Was it the weekend you couldn’t spend time with him? The night you couldn’t come to his gig? Was it before or after he had gotten angry at you for kissing Steve? 

It shouldn’t affect you as much as it does, it shouldn’t make you feel this sick, this jealous. You barely figured out your feelings for him. But the longer you stare at him, listen to his words, you can’t help but feel anger rather than jealousy. 

You didn’t have feelings for him back then, or at least, you weren’t aware of them. He’s single and free to do whatever he wants but so are you – so were you when you kissed Steve and yet, he was so angry at you when he found out about it. He treated you so coldly, all because he hated the thought of you kissing Steve. Yet, he was out there fooling around with other girls.

“You have never actually eaten pussy before, dude?” Robin mumbles.

Steve rubs the back of his neck, nervously, “I mean, yeah. Just not–” he pauses with a look of shame in his eyes as he briefly glances at you. 

You roll your eyes. 

You’re not surprised to hear that, you’re not even hurt. After everything that happened between you and him, his sex life with Nancy is the last thing you had ever worried about. You always knew that he treated her better than he ever treated you. 

And, that he tried new things with her isn’t anything shocking to you, anyways. 

You open your mouth but before you can say something that might ruin the night, you press your lips together again. Sighing, you look down at your drink. You take a deep breath before you raise the glass to your lips, gulping down the rest of it.

You plaster a smile on your face. Ignoring the concerned looks that Robin is giving you. She thankfully changes the topic. Eddie and Steve, surprisingly fall into yet another conversation. 

Their distraction allows you to slip away for a moment, you pass by Robin without meeting her eyes and make a quick escape to the bathroom. Locking yourself into the small room for a moment to collect yourself. 

Despite the anger you are feeling, you don’t want to ruin the night for Steve. 

You splash some cold water and run your fingers through your hair. 

With tears in your eyes, you stare at yourself in the mirror. 

Whether it’s tears of anger or tears of sadness. You are sick of it. You are sick of yourself. You are sick of crying. You are sick of the pining, of the jealousy, of the sadness.

Steve had given Nancy everything. He tried new things with her while you were grieving your relationship, crying yourself to sleep and thinking about him like a goddamn fool while he was having the time of his life with a different girl. 

And Eddie, you try not to think about it, you try not to let the jealousy in. But you can’t push out the anger that you are feeling for him, right now. 

Or the anger that you are feeling for yourself.

How you take everything to heart. How you let everything and everyone hurt you. 

You are done. 

You are so fucking done. 

-

tagging friends & mutuals

@taintedcigs @mysticmunson @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @corrodedseraphine @corrodedcorpses @succubusmunson @trashmouth-richie @xxhellfirebunnyxx @take-everything-you-can @sherrylyn628 @chrissymjstan @somethingvicked @nemesis729

[spicycowboyhole]

taking a shower tomorrow

i didnt get much for christmas this year tbh

im kinda jealouse cuz my siblings got really expensive shit and i got like pretty much just stocking stuffers lol. i guess if i really want something i need to get it myself huh

anyway,, he texts me constantly but also calls me everyday. hes so nice to me it makes me cry. H is nice to me too. when i think about how nice these internet strangers are to me it makes me sad because i feel like im not allowed to be myself and im not accepted at home. im so afraid to be myself here and i dont feel like i fit in but when i talk to the little people in my phone?? they make me feel things? like im not crazy or weird OH MY GOD istg i cry almost everytime i talk to him cuz hes soso nice to me

idk what it is or what i wanna say exactly i kinda just wanna figure out how to word this so ik how to tell my couonselor.

what happened recently was i went to walmart with my dad and like i didnt take a shower or anything cuz we were just going to applebees and walmart and i dont even like applebees so who cares if my hair is fucked up right but when we went to walmart my dad was like you need a makeover cuz ur hair is bad and i kinda took offense honestly cuz i dont like my dad making comments about my appearence like this one time he told me i "need to work on my glamour" like wtf so i told my mom what he said to me at walmart and she AGREED WITH HIM AND SCHEDULED A DAY TO TAKE ME TO THE MALL TO BUY CLOTHES. and then so we went like on firday before christmas and it just kinda made me feel like a child and also like i was neglected when i was an actual child cuz idk i have like a lot of self image issues and i just wear whatever makes me not hate how i look and rn thats big skirt and little shirt but my mom wants me to wear jeans and regular shirt and i just think i look so bad in it. like she wanted me to get 5 outfits at the mall and i was like "so we're just gonna buy 5 pairs of the ssame pants? what if i dont even wear them?" and she said "YOU HAVE TO" so after that i felt kinda belittled? basically like i had no power or say in what im allowed to wear like A KID. BUT when i was an actual kid i would litterally go to school and my shoes would fall apart and i used the same ugly backpack from like 6th til highschool. like i dont understand why my parents suddenly care about how i look? now that im an adult? theyr ebasically saying they dont like how i dress and that upsets me because i feel like im finally able to learn how to express myself with how i dress now that im not inschool and scared of how people might percieve me and theyre judging not just how i look but also me yk

i NEVER got compliments when i was younger. i mean definatelelty not as much as i do now that im not as afraid of being myself. i mean people compliment me on my hair, my outfits, my glasses, my voice.

IM SMART, IM FUNNY, IM SILLY, IM WITTY, IM CUTE, IM PRETTY

IM GOOD

my hwole life everyone would describe me as quiet, shy. i thought i was weird, abnormal, i thought everything i liked was stupid.

i think i just need to get out of here.

its so hard to not hate myself when everyone around me sucks.

again, self image issues, insecurity, shame. when i was younger i used to hide pictures of myself cuz i just thought i looked so ugly and i still do. i'll look at those old pictures and think why would my parents let me go out in public like that? like ive always thought i was only cute as a toddler and then went downhill after that lol. but anyway im working on that by saving pics of myself when i was younger cuz thats me!! and if i were my parent i wouldve been a way better parent than my actual ones. she deserves everything she wants.

[b1mbodoll]

my sweet gabi im listening to music rn but i just had to come tell you that if you were a song u would be my love mine all mine by mitski 😖 i think of you every time i hear it bcause you’re such a loving person and make us feel so cared for when you interact w/ us :-(

p.s i’m sorry you’re getting hate again :-( take a break from tumblr if you need it princess

tears r welling up in my eyes :( my heart hurts m so honored wtf im gna cry like seriously agh this made me so happy i love being lovey dovey i love u guys im so :( thank u so fucking much for saying this, sweetie pie 🥺 im so sad oh godddd i love u i love u i love u wtf!!!!! im soso honored n proud that im a source of comfort for u guys :( ps everyone !!!!! pls know u r always welcome in my asks or dms if u ever need anything! i love u all dearly dnt ever forget i love u and care about u

[fallingfavourites]

I woke up and the first thing I did was read this (I never read in the morning)

BUT OMG THIS WAS TOO GOOD SHUT UP

a little review of what I thought while reading🫶

starting after the band interview is so smart after reading all the questions!!

-“This has to stop.” He says, pausing his actions, still not looking at her.- this coming from him is wild omg, choking up is so real😭 she's so me (literally),

CHEATED AH I NEED TO KNKS EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM RN, this is so sad stop it but so daisy jones and the six of them, I fear they are so renegade and forever winter coded,

-Everyone warned her. Everyone told her that it would end badly. - THIS IS SOSO DEAR JOHN CODED,

-The doesn’t stop her from crying in Barry’s arms about it. She hiccups and sobs into his chest about how much she loves him and how he will never look at her that way. Barry just listens and holds her. She falls asleep in his arms. She feels so safe with him. Her best friend. - ALL THAT AND HE STILL CHOSE RAFE?????? I AM DONE,

-...she walks into the dressing room of their show in Nashville and a pretty girl with short hair is sitting on the couch.- NOO NUH UH THIS IS JUST NASTY SICK AND TWISTED, IM SORRY?? SHE KNEW?? WTF,

-“You’re just some girl I fucked okay? I needed to get off and you were always there. You were just a fuck. I don’t care about you like that.” He pauses. His words sank into her like knives.- okay forget what I said before. this. this is nasty sick and twisted, I DODNT READ THE SECOND LINE IM SORRY THE WAY MY JAW DROPPED, wowowow the way she's not to blame like at all omg😔, not a haitus omg (one direction flashbacks), THE AUDACITY TO ASK WHAT YOU DID OMG,

OMG I HONESTLY NEWD MORE THIS WAS SO GOOD I CANT

THE WAY YOU WRITE IS JUST THE BEST LIKE I WAS SO INVESTED THE WJOLE TIME I AUDIBLY GASPED AND CURSED OUT RAFE MULTIPLE TIMES WHILR READING IT REALLY WAS CHEFS KISS

Kildare Split Part One: Angel

Chapter One: Angel

Note: Thank you all for commenting, liking, reblogging, and interacting with the KS smau's! I really appreciate you all and thought that I would give you a little treat for being so nice. I can't sleep so here is part one of Kildare Split's story, more specifically y/n and Rafe's. Hope you have fun getting to read about the behind-the-scenes. This is absolutely not edited.

Warnings: none, bad writing, Rafe being mean.

Word Count: 3,710

Synopsis: Everyone has noticed that there's been a shift in how Kildare Split acts around each other. Rafe and Y/N used to be so close, they were always pictured together, and always shared stories of each other and for the last few years, there has been nothing from them. A behind-the-scenes look at what went down between everyone's favorite band.

The audience claps as the interviewer closes out the interview. The four of them stand up and start shaking hands with the man. One of the Jimmys or Seth or maybe even Jack. She doesn’t know. She just wants to leave. She’s so tired. It’s been such a long day of pretending. 

Y/n’s the first one to make it backstage, she breathes deeply, her back against a wooden panel. 

“Hey, you okay?” a voice comes from behind her. She puts on a smile and nods her head. 

“Yeah, Top. Fine.” He nods and gives her a half smile. 

Things aren’t the same as they used to be. They haven’t been the same in so long. Two years? Maybe three. Everything is such a blur. Time mending together. Touring helps a lot. It helps time pass, it helps distract her. Being on stage helps too, that’s the only moment that she can pretend that everything is okay and believe it. She can look at Rafe and smile at him and it feels like before. 

Topper leaves her alone, he goes back to the guys, hanging back with them as they talk to their manager. She walks into the dressing room, gathering her stuff and waiting for Sarah to text her that they’re ready to go. 

Rafe walks into the room, alone. 

“Good job tonight.” He doesn’t look at her. He just starts shoving his belongings into a tote, grabbing some extra snacks that the show provided them. 

She’s so angry. Even still. Even after all this time. She wants to scream at him, beg him to explain himself but she can’t. So she stays quiet. 

“This has to stop.” He says, pausing his actions, still not looking at her. 

She looks at the back of his head. His hair starting to grow out out from when he buzzed it, bleached from his album shoot. 

She wants to speak but she can’t. It’s like the anger chokes her up, this ball of fire stuck in her throat and she can’t get a word out because all that will come out is lava. She wants to hurt him. Wants him to feel a fraction of what she felt. And even then, she doesn’t even know if she’s in the right. Two years later and she’s still mad at him, even if she shouldn’t be. 

Sarah tried telling her to talk to him, to work it all out for the sake of the band. From her perspective, the band hasn’t suffered. The band is doing better than ever and she thinks that she deserves an award for not killing Rafe on stage. 

Sometimes she wishes she could put everything behind her and just try and be his friend again. They may never be best friends again, but she could speak to him at least. She thinks she’s civil with him though. He’s not dead so that says something. 

Rafe just sighs and sits on the counter, pulling out his phone. He’s probably texting her. His girlfriend. No, the fiance. The one he cheated on her with. Or well, sort of.

+++

Rafe and y/n met when they were 10 years old. She was friends with Sarah and always went over to her house. She thought of Sarah as her best friend until she met Rafe. Maybe it was love at first sight or a little kid crush but she grew attached. She would not leave him alone. Luckily for her, Rafe was the same way. He always followed her around, asking her to play when he saw her on the beach, at school, or if their parents ran into each other at the grocery store. 

They became inseparable and soon they added two new faces to their duo. Topper and Barry. It was early on that they knew what they wanted to do with their lives. They would put on shows for whoever wanted to watch. They would sing at the top of their lungs and smash around on every surface they could find. 

Soon after, y/n had asked her mom to put her in guitar lessons. She picked it up quickly but she always enjoyed singing more. She had bragged to Rafe about how fun her vocal lessons were and he convinced his father that he wanted to join too. It was contagious because soon enough, Topper and Barry had each claimed an instrument that they practiced every day after school for hours. They drove their parents insane. 

Rafe said that they couldn’t have two guitar players in the band and Topper refused to drop lead guitar so y/n did. Rafe was mad at Topper first but y/n reassured him that she could pick up bass quickly. They became Kildare Split on a blisteringly hot summer day in Barry’s garage. Sarah, John B, and JJ watching their rehearsal. After that, they played shows whenever they could. Dive bars, small fairs around town, and busking outside venues where established bands were playing. 

It took them from the ages of 12 to 17 to get discovered but they never let up. When they finally got signed to their label, y/n remembers crying in Rafe’s arms. She was so happy, their dreams were coming true and she was doing it with her best friends. 

Little did she know that everything would fall apart so fast. 

Childhood is pretty much lost when you’re playing stingy bars full of drunk people and drugs at 12 years old. She thought that it would get better once they had protection from managers and label heads. She was wrong. It almost became worse. Drugs were everywhere. At 17 getting drugs offered to you by a 50-year-old man who controls your entire career is pretty terrifying. She didn’t think she could say no. The boys didn’t think they could say no. It was intense. Some of them made it out better than others, and the others, well, that’s the downfall of fame at such a young age. 

There was an entire year where she probably spent half of it high out of her mind. She went from doing it out of fear of losing her career to craving it, needing it. Rafe was the same way. Topper had tried to help them both but they were too far gone. She remembers going on talk shows, but not which talk shows or who they talked to or what they talked about. She looks back on those days and feels a pit in her stomach. Losing such a big chunk of her young adult life that she can’t relive hurts. 

That’s when it all started. She was high and drunk, and Rafe was high and drunk and one thing led to another. They had never crossed that line before. After her initial crush went away, she had never thought of Rafe that way. When it happened, it felt like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over her head. She woke up the next day and immediately regretted it. She apologized to Rafe, told him that it could never happen again and bolted. 

That’s when she cleaned her act up. She couldn’t risk their relationship, for their friendship and the band. 

One thing she should have known is that Rafe didn’t care. He wanted her and he was going to have her. And who was she to shove all her bottled-up feelings back in their little box? Who was she to deny him?

So they start their little song and dance. At first, they keep it hidden from everyone. If Topper and Barry were to find out, they would be so incredibly upset and they would tell them to stop. 

She can’t stop. She doesn’t want to stop. Not as long as Rafe wants her. 

She gets clean and she tries to help Rafe get clean too. He relapses time and time again, crawling back to her, asking for another chance. She’s been there, she knows how hard it is to get clean so of course she gives him all the chances he asks for. 

They hook up on and off for a year. They never become anything official because Rafe isn’t in the headspace to be in a relationship. He needs to focus on himself and she wants to help him and if he needs her to be his friend, that’s what she’ll be. 

“You’re friends with benefits with my brother,” Sarah says stunned. Topper and Barry had found out and ran to her to get her to talk some sense into Rafe and y/n. 

“It’s not like that.” Sarah looks at her incredulously. 

“Are you or are you not fucking my brother?” y/n doesn’t know how to respond so she stays quiet. Sarah is scary when she’s mad. 

“It’s not because he’s my brother, y/n. It’s because of what he means to you.” y/n shakes her head, smiling softly. 

“Sarah, I promise you, it’s okay. Rafe and I have an agreement.” Sarah sighs and looks at her with concern.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” She should’ve taken Sarah’s advice. She should have put a stop to everything that minute everyone found out. She was too far gone for him though, she couldn’t leave him, not when he needed her. 

Everyone warned her. Everyone told her that it would end badly. 

“I just want you to know that if he does something, those boys will choose him. You’re the odd variable y/n, know that.” Cleo had said to her one night when they were in the tour bus, the boys off on a run. 

“I am just as important to them as Rafe is.” Or she had thought. 

On one stupid drunken night she tells Rafe that she loves him. He gapes at her not knowing what to say. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything.” She understands, of course, she does. It’s not like that between them. 

The doesn’t stop her from crying in Barry’s arms about it. She hiccups and sobs into his chest about how much she loves him and how he will never look at her that way. Barry just listens and holds her. She falls asleep in his arms. She feels so safe with him. Her best friend. 

Shit hits the fan all at once and so fast. 

Sarah sits her down one night after a show. Her adrenaline is still pumping, she wants to go jump around with the guys and run laps around the venue. 

“Sar, can we do this later?”

“This can’t wait.” The tone in her voice brings her back down to earth. It’s serious. 

“What’s wrong?” y/n knows it’s about Rafe before Sarah opens her mouth. She feels it, there’s a shift in whatever the hell universe she’s been living in. Her face feels hot, her ears are ringing, and she feels like she starts to shake. 

“Rafe is seeing someone.” Of course, he is. She’s y/n she’s just his friend.

A friend that he sleeps with. A friend that has stayed up all night with him as he detoxed. A friend who drove him to and from meetings, that drove him to rehab and told everyone that he was on vacation. She was the person that he would run to when any little thing went wrong, she held him as he cried about their career not going anywhere and having to go back to work for his dad. She let him sob in her arms about all the shit that they have been through during the lift-off of their career. She was there for him, always for him and he promised her. He promised that he would always be there for her that it was only her. That he only ever wanted her and when he got his shit together they could be together. He told her that he wasn’t sleeping around. He didn’t have time for girlfriends, he didn’t have time to put in the work on a relationship because he could barely put the work into himself. He told her that she was the only one he was ending his nights with and waking up in the mornings with. He promised her the world and it was all just a lie. 

Just as fast as her body starts shaking, it relaxes, she takes a deep breath and looks at Sarah, the look of concern still on her face. 

“Who?” she asks lowly. 

“This painter, named Sofia.” The name rings a bell. She thinks she’s seen her call Rafe a few times. 

“That’s okay. We weren’t dating.” Sarah’s concern grows so y/n smiles at her. 

“Let’s go back out there.”

“Do you want me to call Cleo?” Sarah asks. 

“I’m good, Sar.”

And she is. Or at least she’s trying to be good. She has no right to be angry. They weren’t dating. He doesn’t owe her anything. 

They walk into the room where the guys are playing video games. Waiting for the fans to leave the venue before it’s safe for them to leave. 

“Hey! Great show tonight angel!” Rafe says looking away from the screen at her. She gives him a short smile, her face pensive. 

Cleo’s words ring in her head, those boys will choose him those boys will choose him those boys will choose him.

She knows all three of them like the back of her hand. Topper's lip quivers when he lies. Barry doesn’t look you in the eyes. And Rafe, Rafe’s ears turn red. 

She has to know if the two boys, men, that she grew up with and calls her family, would keep that from her. 

“So who’s Sofia?” She watches as all three of them tense. She’s looking between Barry and Topper but she sees Rafe turn to look at Sarah with anger between his brows from her peripherals. 

She looks for the cues and hopes that she can’t find them. It’s hard to miss when Barry doesn’t look up from his controller but is frozen, quiet. She looks at Topper, his mouth open, trying to find something to say.

“I don’t know, some person we commissioned probably.” She can’t help the breathy sob that escapes her lips when she sees the quiver on Topper’s. 

She swallows hard, she turns to Rafe, shaking her head at him and backing away. 

“You’re a liar. You’re a fucking liar. All of you are.” She backs into the hallway, her eyes still floating from one to the other. 

“y/n-” Topper moves towards her but she holds her hand out and cuts him off.

“No. Stay away from me. I never- I-” she chokes on a sob. “ I never would have done this to you. Don’t talk to me, don’t follow me, just stay away from me.” She turns on her feet and books it out of the room and hallway, she hears Rafe chewing Sarah out but doesn’t stay long enough to hear what Sarah says. 

Things are awkward, to say the least from then on. She stayed in her bunk and silently cried herself to sleep. She wants to go to him, ask him what she could have done, ask him what happened and when he knew he wanted to stop things with her. He doesn’t come to see her that night, or the next night or the night after that. 

At first, she thought it was because he was giving her time to cool off but on the third night of complete silence from him, she walks into the dressing room of their show in Nashville and a pretty girl with short hair is sitting on the couch. 

“Hi, I’m Sofia. You must be y/n.” She extends her hand out and y/n takes it. 

“Nice to meet you.” y/n says. 

“You too, sorry about how things went down.” Y/n scrunches up her nose, her head tilting. 

“What?” She asks.

“I mean, I knew he had to choose eventually, he just didn’t get the chance to tell you.” She feels like she’s going to throw up. She wasn’t planning on hating Sofia, but she knew. Sofia knew that y/n existed and she still kept on seeing him. 

She walks out of the room. 

That same night, everything changed. If he had just apologized, if he had told her that he fucked up and he was too drugged up to think clearly, she would have forgiven him. That’s not what happened. 

She runs into Rafe in the lunch area and can’t hold in all her feelings. She needs to know what he’s thinking and wants to ask him to explain himself. 

“Rafe?” He doesn’t acknowledge her. 

“Can we please talk?”

“God Y/n, I don’t want to fucking talk. I’m so goddamn tired of you moping around this place like you have any right.” He explodes at her, his face red. 

“What?” She’s shocked, he’s never talked to her like this. 

“You’re just some girl I fucked okay? I needed to get off and you were always there. You were just a fuck. I don’t care about you like that.” He pauses. His words sank into her like knives. 

“I’m going to get clean for her. Sofia, she’s worth it.” He walks out of the room without saying anything else to her. She feels her eyes start to water, chills running up and down her body.

How could he be so cruel? How could her best friend of so many years say he doesn’t care about her? How could he disregard her feelings and belittle her to be just someone he fucked? She thought they were friends. She believed that they would come out of this situation unscathed but he didn’t even see her as a person. 

The people she thought cared about her most in the world, didn’t care about her at all. They all chose someone else. They didn’t choose her. 

She had never felt so alone in her entire life. And for the first time since they started their journey as a band, she wondered if any of it had been worth it. 

+++

“I don’t think it can stop.” It’s the first time you’ve spoken to him directly and not on stage or in an interview in years. 

“What do you mean?”

“I’m going to move out of LA, back home probably or New York with Cleo and Pope.”

“y/n.” It’s not Rafe’s voice saying her name, it’s Barry from behind her. She turns around and looks at him, looks past him and Topper, and then back at Rafe.”

“I think we all know this has been building up and it’s getting really hard to pretend all the time so um-yeah I’m going to go, I need a break after the tour’s over.” She gulps down the ball building in her throat. She needs to get through this. She hates putting the band on the back burner and hates that she’s to blame.

“What are you talking about?” Rafe asks her, getting off the counter.

“It’s just a break. I think we should announce a prolonged hiatus and just do our own thing for a bit.”

“We have an entire third album to record,” Rafe says incredulously.

“I’ll keep writing and you can send me the vocals you want me to lay down. It’ll be fine.”

“You’re breaking up the band over some stupid grudge?” Rafe asks. 

“That’s not what I’m saying. I just need some time.” It’s not a grudge.

“You have got to be kidding me, y/n, come on. I know how much you love touring and making music.”

“I do,” her voice breaks, “I just need time away from all of you.”

“You need a break from us? What did we do?” Barry pipes in.

“You left me alone. You let him,” she points at Rafe, “belittle me and make me feel like nothing. You isolated me for two years.” Rafe scoffs. 

“You did that yourself.” He sounds hurt more than he does angry. He’s different now. He’s better in a way. He hasn’t apologized to her but he’s good now. He’s clean. He got clean for Sofia. Because she was worth it and y/n wasn’t. 

“Because I was hurt, Rafe! You broke my heart. I fucking told you that I loved you, I was honest with my feelings for you and you never said anything back and then you told me you didn’t care about me!”

“I wasn’t in my right mind.” The tears are still gathering in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall. 

“If you had just apologized to me, this wouldn’t have happened but you said some nasty shit and never looked back and I was just so alone.”

“Do you know what it’s like to have no one to talk to on tour for months on end? That’s what I have had to go through for years because I don’t trust any of you! Because you hurt me and never apologized.”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s late but I’m sorry.” Topper is the one that speaks up. 

“Thank you, but it’s too late. I need some time. I need to heal so that the band can continue because I don’t think I can do this for much longer if I stay.” Topper nods, agreeing with her. She gives him a thankful smile and breathes in deep. 

“Okay, so we finish the tour, and a week or so later we announce that we’re going on a break. We’ll still write and record and we can even release the album but I won’t be doing press for it.” She looks at all three of them and nods. There’s a finality to her words. No room for argument. 

“And you have your solo album to figure out and do press for, maybe you can even tour it. You’ll be fine.” She says to Rafe, more words than she had said to him directly in a long time.

“I’ll see you all soon.” With that, she walks out of the talk show’s dressing room, towards the exit of the building. She was going to finish up this tour. She could do that and then she could rest.

[ggukmiin]

Im sobbing so much rn bc of a fic. oh my go d im soososo fucking stupid. i completely fucking missed the major character death warning and now im a mess that fucking came out of no where im so sad

[theghostofwilburtheworm]

Dead end was cancelled by Netflix

[apyrisol]

JJK VOLUME 3

aka taking the "juno you can't just take a picture every time junpei appears" challenge

for some reason i really struggled to take good pics this time around

because what would he have even said if megumi said he liked men. like genuinely, what's his criteria for not-boring gay guys? his criteria for het guys is seemingly just "doesn't hesitate to say they like conventionally attractive women", would it be the same for men? "i like hot guys with big muscles" is that what you need to say to win him over here as a gay guy? it's funny 2 think abt

the moment nobara develops a crush <3 fr though maki is such a good character, i love that she's so spite driven because she damn knows she's a worthy adversary and she can do anything she wants if she puts her head to it. i love her a ton

BEFORE I SAY ANYTHING ELSE!!! im sorry if this is at all confusing to anyone reading but i will be referring to yoshino junpei as she/with feminine terms. im not going to apologize if that makes anyone uncomfortable but i understand if it's confusing since she is canonically a guy. this is for my own comfort and nobody elses, i view her as a trans girl and that's something that makes me really happy to indulge in by talking/thinking about so im going do that here. my blog my post my funny transgender blorbo.

that being said OH MAI GAAAA BABY'S FIRST APPEARED HI HONEY

miwa is so silly 2 me, i love her soso much. i love so many of the jjk girlies (not you meimei) they're all so fun and relatively well written (notyou mei) i enjoy them. miwa is such a dork it hurts my heart to see how fucked up and sad the whole mechamaru thing makes her :(

real big fan of this page no im not being biased bc it has my daughter in it. junpei is nawt freaking out nearly as much as she should be #tbh girl do not follow that freak he's bad news....

ohhj imso ill about nanami and yuji. not super ill actually but nanami is like my brother in law so im a little ill about him. the way their relationship develops is so!!! augh! nanamis opinion of yuji being clouded by him being sukunas vessel at the start and him treating him coldly makes me so. lawd. like logically nanami knows this is just some kid who got roped into this mess without fully knowing what was coming, but he also knows he's a massive potential threat and he isn't sure how to treat these conflicting facts so he deals with it by trying to put distance between yuji and himself, to monitor things before deciding how he wants to feel about itadori yuji.

auuuugh nanami. nanami i am gripping you. all these traumatized ass adults doing their best to lead these to-be-traumatized kids in a way that'll hurt them less than they were hurt their first go around.

took these pics for my brother ngl, nanami's like his wife (hence the brother-in-law comment) so i had to. someone get this man a job in a bakery, i think he'd be happier that way. it's still work but it's not jujutsu and it's not office work, plus it's providing something that'd make people's days better.

JUNPEI GET BEHIND ME GIRL!!!! mahitos manipulation of her makes me so fucking maddd bro she's already struggling mentally, being fucked with like this is nawt smth she deserves i swear. he's just fucking toying with her like a damn cat and mouse, i need to be allowed to jump through the page and strangle this patchwork bitch myself. she deserves validation from someone who actually wants her to be better, to be comfortable in herself, someone who isn't just using her as a pawn in a game she didn't agree to be part of. im eating the keys off my keyboard man this shit makes me so angry.

RAHHH SEE THIS IS WHAT SHE NEEDS!!! SOMEONE WHO SHE CLICKS WITH SOMEONE WHO WANTS TO HELP HER SOMEONE WHO GENUINELY CARES AND BONDS WELL W HER!!! she and yuji could've been everything if not 4 fuckifn mahito and it makes me want to chew gravel. also kenny getthe FUCK away from those kids im about to start mauling shit

ok i have yet to actually listen to any of these Because i got Really Really ill over seeing One particular song. id showed the first page to my friend gc originally to go "haha megumi weezerhead" (i actually like weezer im not making fun of it dw) and my brother went "i listende 2 nanamis themes last night , the first 1 was rlly good" and showed me the second image (i had not gotten there yet, i moved the second theme song page up in this post, it would be between the "i can't kill" page with junpei and nanamis "my friend died but i wasn't there" thing). now, i was a huuuge fan of Two Door Cinema Club in middleschool, had some of the albums on my mp3 player n shit, so seeing geto having a song of theirs assigned to him, my blorbo#1 (himand junpei r tied for #1 jsyk), i was like omgg i should listen to this it's been awhile ^^ and weel. i did. and i immediately got so heart wrenchingly ill about how the song connects to him that i shit you not i did not shut up about it for a solid 50 minutes. i listened to the Tourist History album EIGHT FUCKING TIMES!!! IN A ROW!!!! BECAUSE I COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT GETO COME BACK HOME!!!!!! it makes me want to throw up it's devastating to me. it's a really good song (great album in general, i downloaded it again bc of this) and i beg u to listen to it with geto in mind, it kills me so bad it's awesome.

wahh it makes me so!!! i feel so sinister about it, they became friends so easily, they coulda gone to the movies together and hung out and been there 4 eachother when they needed it. these pages r so fun and cutesey it makes me sosad for what we coulda had between these 2.

junpei makes me so fucking sad dude. this poor girl who, for no particular reason that we see, is singled out and tormented by her peers for so long, and when she finally finds validation in someone they only want to warp the way she thinks and use her to hurt someone else. yuji came so close to stopping her from going down the path she did, but mahito/kenjaku were one step ahead and knew how to drive her over the edge. she never deserved any of this man, she's just some teen. she's a dork, she likes film analysis, she likes bright clothes, she cares deeply about her ma. she's just some girl. also i saw someone somewhere say she doesn't like her mom smoking so much because it reminds her of the people who use her as an ashtray and it makes me want to shatter my phone dude. she makes me so sad.

RAHHHHH NANAMI NOT WANTING YUJI TO EXPERIENCE THE SAME KIND OF TRAUMA HE DID WHEN HE LOST HAIBARA RHAHHHH!!! i know it's not exactly the same situation but u can easily see how similar they are... he doesn't want yuji 2 witnesses the death of his friend if it comes to that (it did :(((( sadly)

i need to kill mahito with my teeth. i need to tear into him like a dog with a shoe. in my beautiful mind i always imagine she grabs one of her moms dresses/skirts here along w the jacket. she deserves 2 feel pretty while she's in mourning.

sorry for 12/22 of these images being just junpei. except im not actually sorry. that's my daughter im going to speak about her bc i like her a lot and im sad over her. i will see u all in volume 4

kinda liveblog thread incoming soon. i bought an almost complete set of the jjk manga (it's only missing the 2 most recent english releases, vol 22 and 23) so even though ive already read it all once and watched the anime+movie plenty of times now here are new things im noticing and random stuff i have to say 😁

[spikedru]

darla for character ask <3

favorite thing about them i love a good evil femme fatale shes so pretty and haughty and also she does care deeply she just cant ever let herself show that bc she has to be above it all in order to be seen as strong and shes so pretty and you know she has such a history shes 400 years old for gods sake i love her

least favorite thing about them that she died </3 in the literal worst way possible specifically designed to piss me off

favorite line of course GOD DOESNT WANT YOU BUT I STILL DO hits like a pound of bricks to the face but i also always think of 'i promise not to throw anyone out of the car..... at least while its moving' while shes going into fucking labor its so funny. ALSO i think its when she is talking to lindsey about angel and shes like 'do you know what he and i are now?' and lindseys like "enemies?' and darla says 'oh no.... much worse.... we're soulmates.' and has this tragic little laugh miss benz i think about that constantly.

brOTP darla/dru .......... girls night girls night girls night *coughs up blood* girls night. also the idea of darlaspike being the mean bitchy blondes of the family and bonding over that is rly funny like darla is very much the haughty thinks shes above it all kind of bitchy to him but as soon as spike snarks back at her shes like. hm. okay this one is fine he can stay

OTP dangel in the most fucked up twisted evil messy exes type of way

nOTP it has been so long since ive watched ats but i hate the idea of lindsey/darla like lindsey get away from herrrrr get a jobbbbb

random headcanon i like the idea of in fics that darla would sometimes meet up with and check in on spike and dru after angel leaves them. like not often. maybe a few times every few decades. but enough to be like. okay. theyre still find. theyre okay. bc angel v pointedly tries to avoid all of them but darla, if she hears about something happening with descriptions of spike n dru she'll try to find them and in her standoffish way reassure herself theyre fine.

unpopular opinion i know its probably not unpopular but i hate mystical pregnancy soooooo soso so soos os so fucking much it makes my blood boil and to have a strong interesting femme fatale vampire taken down and DYING from a pregnancy to forward the destiny of just some guy ??? infuriating i wish there could have been a way that like. either dont have her die in fucking childbirth or find a way to make her infected with some semblance of a soul in order to kick start a kind of redemption arc for her. also if you are going to try and redeem her, DYING IN CHILDBIRTH ISNT THE WAY TO GO ABOUT IT GOD FUCKING SHIT

song i associate with them ohh im not sure but at least sound wise i think two shots of happy one shot of sad by nancy sinatra feels like a vibe for her and the first one i thought of

favorite picture of them

shes pretty !!!! i lov u darla

[just-some-random-blogger]

meow meow, hottie-cutie! good morning! some love time for the best tumblr writer! 'i understand British accents' omg you're so big brained big sister!! ig i really am a little (ironic isn't it) meow meow next to you. i'm amazed you seem to be really smart, interesting, intelligent, bright and soso lovely-lovely. (and hot yes) i would've liked to be mutuals or friends with you for real ig? no but who are we to each other... you don't really need to answer it if you don't want to. what about british accent, it's more about the speed at which they speak?? i've sent my bestie a voice message with them speaking, turned it on and heard only 'lawlawlaw'... my brain may be big (not as much as yours) but too slow... and like spoilers... i know these TT girl i've been hyperfixated on this show since idk? november? october? tumblr and wiki almost showed me it TT i know the plot pretty good. tbh, i have really mixed feelings about rhaenyra's kids and jace being her heir? bc yes love is love and he's basically still targaryen, i can understand her being a wild girl in need of personal life and freedom. but thinking about the image of targaryens as the royalties, i don't really approve this? but i'm not on the greens' side bc?? i still haven't watched the show what am i talking about TT srry if i said smth stupid. next time i'll try better. 'IMMA BONK THAT LOSER MATT SO HARD FOR MAKING YOU SAD WHY ARE YOU SAD???' omg you sound SO like an elder sister rn TT thank you TT i'm always the one who people wants to bonk their enemies for them bc of my big stature? lol i'm literally all bark and no bite, i always just stand next to my short friend who beats the shit out of everyone like the meme with a small barking dog and a big one who's afraid of the first one. srry i've got distracted. i'm grateful! your words sound really comforting to me. but it's not like smth happened. this situation (like all things i must do but also the need to watch hotd without subtitles and so on) is so... ridiculous. it's killing me. why do i sound so whiny and complaining TT srry ig this's just how i see my life. (no but hotd already made my cry a couple of times) 'that means you want me to be nervous' IM SORRY TT it's good you understood i hadn't meant it. it was late with my brain even slower. wish you strong nerves!! giving them to you with a big kiss on your big brain!! thank you sm for your support, my most comfort person!! hope you can (or already did) forgive you too. 'i’m sure the same could be said about your kitty' ok i'm gonna make it a little sad rn. that very day, after nearly attacking my mom, my cat came back to me to lay on my lap. so now i'm crying and i'm not hot TT my face is pretty ugly rn but my eyes are shiny and it's pretty ig OH YOU KNOW WHAT?? you've reposted 'I, Unfortunately, Love You Most' and i recalled i was that anon too TT maybe even your work inspired me to request 'it takes two' and ask to make it more cruel sidjdpsp i like miserable and desperate daemon. i literally have fucking huge plot abt it in my notes... *winkwink* i've got a lot of thoughts about fics about daemon and some ideas but i feel like you're too busy. and like i need to go to bed... so have a nice day! take care! love you <з

MEEEEEEEEOW

meow meowmoew meow

some love time for the best tumblr writer!

💅💅💅🥺🥺🥺🥺 purr

'i understand British accents' omg you're so big brained big sister!!

bonk 🤠 understanding chavs that go innit is gauge of big brained-ness for you ?? LOL HAHAH

ig i really am a little (ironic isn't it) meow meow next to you. i'm amazed you seem to be really smart, interesting, intelligent, bright and soso lovely-lovely. (and hot yes)

lol but ur taller that me ??? HAHAHH i am pretty smart interesting intelligent bright and soso lovely-lovely AND hot arent i HAHAHAH <3 🥺😍 idk why ur saying this suddenly but <3 im honored for the high regard lovie

i would've liked to be mutuals or friends with you for real ig? no but who are we to each other... you don't really need to answer it if you don't want to.

WE CAN BE MUTUALS! and friends (aren't we already 💔)

what about british accent, it's more about the speed at which they speak?? i've sent my bestie a voice message with them speaking, turned it on and heard only 'lawlawlaw'...

that happens. sometimes idk what my sister is saying and we speak the same languages HHHHAHAH also we speak to each other in english accents cos its fun innit

my brain may be big (not as much as yours) but too slow... and like spoilers... i know these TT girl i've been hyperfixated on this show since idk? november? october? tumblr and wiki almost showed me it TT i know the plot pretty good.

HAHAHHAH MALAY KO BA (Filipino for how would i know ig lsdfaashf it's hard to translate) yeah same i knew what was gonna happen in the show because i think i started watching the show was already like on its 7th or 8th episode i didnt feel the need to skip through spoilers tbh though sometimes i did like its fine. also big brains arent meant to be compared 😡

tbh, i have really mixed feelings about rhaenyra's kids and jace being her heir? bc yes love is love and he's basically still targaryen, i can understand her being a wild girl in need of personal life and freedom. but thinking about the image of targaryens as the royalties, i don't really approve this? but i'm not on the greens' side bc?? i still haven't watched the show what am i talking about TT srry if i said smth stupid. next time i'll try better.

first of all you didnt say anything stupid. second of all, i agree, i too have mixed feelings towards rhaenyra in general lol. i mean they're all problematic, third of all. fourth of all, they all need extensive therapy and the rod of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. fifth of all, AHAHAHHA 'love is love' goo off queen but also DAMN 3 times HAHAdiaslgfasfasfhlasfhas i get why alicent is so pissed T_T sixth of all, i also dont approve of it, lol but im glad rhaenyra has her papa on her side. seventh of all, viserys problematic af too. eighth of all, im not on black/green side either, though since rhaenyra is mostly the protagonist of the story, people are more inclined to support her because that was how she was presented. again. they all problematic af AHAHAHAH

'IMMA BONK THAT LOSER MATT SO HARD FOR MAKING YOU SAD WHY ARE YOU SAD???' omg you sound SO like an elder sister rn TT thank you TT i'm always the one who people wants to bonk their enemies for them bc of my big stature? lol i'm literally all bark and no bite, i always just stand next to my short friend who beats the shit out of everyone like the meme with a small barking dog and a big one who's afraid of the first one.

lol HAHAH idk if its me being an elder sister or just me being intense. mayhap a bit of both. i will fight anyone for people i love. idc if theyre taller than me. people that are taller than me inspire my rage even more because ??? you think your safe just cause youre head dangling up in the ceiling ??? i think not. buttttt tbh irl im a pacifist AHHAHAH fr im usually the mediator i just talk a lot of smack, but when it comes to it, i usually resolve things peacefully.

im wonho in the end 'i dont smash i want peace

you and i are the same then, all bark no bite (just a nibble i think AHHAHA)

srry i've got distracted. i'm grateful! your words sound really comforting to me. but it's not like smth happened. this situation (like all things i must do but also the need to watch hotd without subtitles and so on) is so... ridiculous. it's killing me. why do i sound so whiny and complaining TT srry ig this's just how i see my life. (no but hotd already made my cry a couple of times)

im glad i can be a comfort to you my love. its ok to feel frustrated over things that frustrate you. its better sometimes to ride it out so that you let go of the feeling more wholly. as someone who watches a bunch of foreign films/shows, i understand the frustration of finding content without subtitles you can read so its ok. idk if i cried over hotd but i did very much feel disturbed many times over

'that means you want me to be nervous' IM SORRY TT it's good you understood i hadn't meant it. it was late with my brain even slower. wish you strong nerves!! giving them to you with a big kiss on your big brain!! thank you sm for your support, my most comfort person!! hope you can (or already did) forgive you too.

'i’m sure the same could be said about your kitty' ok i'm gonna make it a little sad rn. that very day, after nearly attacking my mom, my cat came back to me to lay on my lap. so now i'm crying and i'm not hot TT my face is pretty ugly rn but my eyes are shiny and it's pretty ig

T_T MY LOVE T_T IDK WHAT TO SAY ITS GREAT THAT YOUR CATE CAME BACK BUT ALSO REALLY SAD its ok to cry if ur sad but dont let yourself be sad all the time. i kiss my pretty darling

OH YOU KNOW WHAT?? you've reposted 'I, Unfortunately, Love You Most' and i recalled i was that anon too TT maybe even your work inspired me to request 'it takes two' and ask to make it more cruel sidjdpsp i like miserable and desperate daemon.

DANG THAT WAS YOU TOO you really are my #0 fan AHHAAAHHA tbh i love cruel fics but sometimes i dont think i write it well enough lol

i literally have fucking huge plot abt it in my notes... *winkwink* i've got a lot of thoughts about fics about daemon and some ideas but i feel like you're too busy. and like i need to go to bed... so have a nice day! take care! love you <з

you can always send me your thoughts if you want to. it's really just that i get back to them a little late because of how famous i am 😎 lol but in all seriousness, im so honored so many people like my writing enough to req things from me so yeah im luv u all<3

xxx

[thatonegaybastard]

rant sbout tofsy bc it kinda sucked

today was so fucking long abd it was mostly because if literature and ela class we were supposed to work ob our essays then but I bssically didnt and I was just sad all day today which sucked ass and I just wanna stay home tomorrow but theres a motherfucking latin test 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 its been like three days how sm I supposed to memorize a bunch if numbers i dont care about it sounds like im angry about today in general but im not just tired im angry abiut my latin teahcer making us do a test first thing in the morning. I wanna stay home so bad but my dad prouabblynwouldnt let me either :( he said I have to gi everday this weke its almost christmas break please

im really nit looking firward to school tomorrow because its gonna eb so long id just like to sleep. not as in tired and depressed like usual but i just dont. care. id like a break day early but nah

n the bright side tomorrow after school I get ti gi ti this ramen place with my friends.ive been crvaung ti gi there for soso long im really excited for that its whta s beennkeeping me going this week and also at 1pm on friday were getting dismissed early but tbh itll probably not be much if a differenc wbbecause my dad is gonna pick me up and wants to lioj at this shiwcasw thing happening.

[your-friendly-neighbourh00d-fag]

thanks for the tag silly <3

happy endings or sad endings —> hm. it depends. sad endings sometimes, but if i really care about the blorbos, i need happiness. like, if stranger things ends with ANY of the main party dead, im suing, but i do love some angst at the same time.

full moon or crescent moon —> full moon

sushi rolls or burgers —> oh burgers all the wayyyyy. i'm allergic to fish actually, so that rules out like 90% of sushi

listening or talking —> talking. my bad y'all-- i am a chronic shitposter on here but also irl when i am speaking. word vomit ftw.

summer or winter —> winter. i like summer for like. three days. and then im like >:((( it is TOO HOT. i want to PEEL OFF MY SKIN. BE C O L D

the sea or the mountains —> teh ocean <3

apartment or own house —> own house

autumn or spring —> autumn

loud music or quiet music —> ... i had to disable those headphone warnings that tell you its ruining your ears. 😶

morning or evening —> morning, but only when i dont have to do stuff. like mm yes let me just lay in bed with sun on my face, buut waking up for school sucks

sun or moon —> moon :)

regrets or no regrets —> no regerts 😎 (meaning that i wish i had no regrets but reallly my brain wants to conjure that one time i accidentally flashed my whole class in like grade three and torture me about it forever)

walk or car ride —> walk

day or night —> night

love at first sight or slowly falling in love —> slowly falling in love. slowburn childhood friends to lovers a fucking men

showers or baths —> showers on the daily but i do love long baths,

cola or pepsi —> i hate them both so so soso osso o much. literally killme before i drink either.

cats or dogs —> cats. i hate dogs (not sorry). i would get a cat though, they are my little sillies

heat or cold —> cold for sure. YOU CAN PUT MORE CLOTHES ON BUT YOU CANT TAKE ALL OF THEM OFF!! TEMPERATURE REGULATIONS (<< has had this debate multiple times with family members)

gold or silver —> silver

texting or calling —> texting for day to day but i LOVE discord calls with my very close friends its the silliest and i die laughing every time.

clowns or no clowns —> no clowns because im still fucking mad that someone we won't speak of is dead. its fine im not getting salty who said that. also those killer clowns in like 2014 or smth came to my school sooooo--

sunny or rainy —> rainy

long fics or ficlets —> hm. that's hard. its like. long fics are meals and ficlets are snacs. we need both. but also, long fics are my beloveds.

white or black —> black

rivers or lakes —> lakes

sunsets or sunrises —> e-early sunsets? over... monro- [GUNSHOTS]

movie or series —> yeah absolutely what ohfallingdisco said. i love rewatching series's sometimes, but all of that.

dark or light —> dark #autism but also #emo

pizza or pasta —> pizza for sure

classics or fanfiction —> be real.

piercings or no piercings —> i'm getting a lip one when i move out, but im probably not going to get like. eight. just a few.

bright or pastel —> bright

yes or no —> no 🫢

np tags: @scarletcannotdomaths @evil-gay-person @me-n-michael @cultofsheep @sandinmybed

I love doing these (x)

tagged by the lovely @queereldritch

happy endings or sad endings —> happy endings

full moon or crescent moon —> full moon

sushi rolls or burgers —> sushi

listening or talking —> listening, but I also talk a lot when it comes to people I’m comfortable with being around

summer or winter —> winter

the sea or the mountains —> mountains

apartment or own house —> own house

autumn or spring —> autumn

loud music or quiet music —> loud music

morning or evening —> evening

sun or moon —> moon

regrets or no regrets —> no regrets

big city or small town —> can I say both? depending on the circumstances

walk or car ride —> car ride

day or night —> night

love at first sight or slowly falling in love —> slowly falling in love

showers or baths —> baths

cola or pepsi —> cola

cats or dogs —> dogs (but I’m also a proud cat mom)

heat or cold —> cold

gold or silver —> gold

texting or calling —> texting

clowns or no clowns —> clowns (if you know, you know😉)

sunny or rainy —> rainy

long fics or ficlets —> long fics

white or black —> black

rivers or lakes —> lakes

sunsets or sunrises —> sunsets

movie or series —> this is hard because there’re so many shows that I’m addicted to but I guess movies, overall

dark or light —> dark

pizza or pasta —> pizza

classics or fanfiction —> depends. but I’ve certainly read fanfictions that are better than some classic literature

piercings or no piercings —> either is fine with me

bright or pastel —> pastel

yes or no —> depends

tagging beautiful people; @josephfakingquinn @josephandjamie @jcbbby @trekkitkat @sullxo @johnsimms @can-of-pringles @ohfallingdisco @foodiewithdahoodie @elhaspowers @vecnathegreat @creelsclocks @jensomniac @nebulousfishgills @thelostsisters @onesmainbitch (don’t feel pressured to do this if you were tagged, these are just for fun) everybody is welcome to join

[b1mbodoll]

hi mon amour 💌 i thought abt u earlier and i wanted to check in (also because i miss interacting with you T_T) ! how was your day today? i hope it went really well for you sweetie + i wanted to say you that you are such an sweet person and i see you interacting with people and it just u know reminds me how rare genuinely kind people are and you happen to be someone who touches people with kindness and i just think that alone is so beautiful \(//∇//)\ i also really wanted to say how much it means to me and probably to others how you make your blog a place where they feel included! im sorry to dump all of this on u and you dont have to reply at all but recently i feel like theres no place for me anywhere u know? and im not sad about it most of the time but it gets to me u know?? and it just makes me really fucking happy to be seen and not criticized for it? i dont know im just really sappy rn and i wanted to tell you that i really really like your blog and i really like you as a person (even if this is just a silly little blog you made with the intention of entertaining not comforting) 🐾 again i hope you had a great day today and i hope all the days for you will be filled with happiness for you because you seriously deserve nothing less (◞‸◟) take care of yourself and make sure to get plenty of rest !!!!!!!!!!!!! i heart u gabi 💭💭💭

love 🎀 anonie

hi my baby i miss u too !!!! i did have a pretty good day other than the thunderstorm -_- n i hope you had a great day as well! this is the sweetest thing ive ever received seriously :( im goin to cry!!!! agghh your words means more to me than u cld ever know n im so happy im able to make u feel a lil bit better!!! im always always always here for u for whatever u need, ‘kay? dont ever worry ab being criticized here bc i promise i will never do that :( n i will do my very best to always make u feel good n happy!!!!!!!! i love you soso very much you mean the world to me n im so sorry you feel like theres nowhere for u but i promise that you’ll always have a lil place in my heart!!!!!!!!!!! and on my blog of course i love u dearly :( pls take care of urself as well angel!!!!! kissing u so very hard rn ur soso kind and so loving and i hope you know ur always welcome here!!!!!!!! pls dont ever hesitate to reach out when u need something, sweetheart! i love u most n im always rooting for u!!!!!!!!!!!!