#they are my gay little boys and i love them

[twig-tea]

East Palace, West Palace in ep5 of Blue Canvas of Youthful Days

I have been punched in the solar plexus by Blue Canvas of Youthful Days episode 5. So much happens in that episode that is overwhelming, from Qi Lu setting up a Netflix-and-chill date with the clear intention of making a move, to his putting on the famous film East Palace, West Palace (1996), to Qi Lu hiding Qin Xiao in the closet, to Qi Lu's panic at his father realizing he's been lied to, to the devastatingly practiced way Teacher Liu steps to Qi Lu being abused and handles his father, to the way Qi Lu shuts down, to the way QIn Xiao keeps sending mixed signals and Qi Lu calls him on it directly. And nobody else in this episode let me rest either; Tan Fan trying to ask Teacher Liu to wait for him and Liu brushing him off AGAIN, and Turtle trying to call out

@lurkingshan was already more coherent than I can be right now about what happened in the episode in her post.

So instead I want to focus on some queer cinema history that this episode evoked by using East Palace, West Palace as the film that Qi Lu shows to QIn Xiao.

For those who don't know, EPWP is considered to be the first realistic depiction of a gay man in film by a mainland Chinese production. It is to my knowledge the first time a gay man says "I love you" to another man on screen. It was made before being gay was decriminalized in China (1997), and it was filmed by an independent production company and smuggled out of China to France in order to be finished and distributed. It ended up at the Cannes festival in 1997, but the director's passport was seized and he was placed under house arrest to prevent him from attending. Despite pressure to pull the film, it still aired that year. In 1998, the Film Law was passed to prevent anyone from making films outside of the studio system (and therefore censorship review), effectively preventing anything like EPWP from being made in the future.

The film is about a gay man who cruises in the notorious bathrooms in the parks on either side of Tiananmen Square getting harassed by police officers (a situation extremely familiar to the historical queer experience in Canada [where I'm from] as well) and playing what I'd describe as a psychological game with one of them; A Lan kisses the cop, runs, and then gets caught a second time, and uses the second police confession as an excuse to tell his life's story in the public record, all while pushing the police officer a little further into deviance. As far as I'm aware, this film has been banned in China since being made and never shown (please correct me if I'm wrong about that!).

This is hitting me hard because of the much more recent history of Blue Canvas of Youthful Days itself. As most of you know, but I'll capture here for posterity, episodes 1-4 of this show aired on iQIYI (a China-based app) on August 6, and within 24 hours they were pulled from the app with no information about the future episodes being shown. When I watched episode 5 today, after waiting for it for 3 months, I was immediately hit with a wave of anger that this gorgeous, emotionally moving and powerful episode had been held back from public consumption for months, for the same reasons that the film being shown within the episode had been withheld from viewing in its own country.

Censorship is such an ugly thing, it's hard to articulate but the emotions around it are so strong because we know, when they pull or refuse to show media that depicts our lives, it's because they don't want our lives to be real; they don't want us to exist. It's a very real threat. And to have this episode--which is all about an abused boy who is in very real danger but so bravely insisting that he shoot his shot and take his best chance at love and happiness anyway, using the iconic confession scene from one of the most famous banned films in Chinese queer cinema history to do it--to have this episode be the one that was prevented from airing......I am overwhelmed.

In the scenes they watch in episode 5, A Lan tries to prevent the officer from uncuffing him, and then the officer lets him go, but A Lan doesn't go far and comes back. He declares his love to the officer's face, and demands that his love be acknowledged and not dismissed. And the officer does not know what to do with it and reacts with violence, which is partially what A Lan has been angling at all along. The show really played with this by having all three of the couples in the show stymied by having their overtures dismissed this episode, but we almost didn't get to see it.

I'm so grateful this got distribution now, and on multiple platforms. Blue Canvas of Youthful Days is airing Saturdays and Sundays on GagaOOLala and Youtube (note, as per @thisonelikesaliens's excellent language posts, the subs on Gaga are much better), and on Mondays on Viki. I know there is an avalanche of content right now, but this show is so good and worked so hard to make it to us, please give it some love!

[that-fruitsbasketcase]

While Windbreaker is trending I just wanna draw attention to one of my favorite elements of this manga that I haven’t really seen explored: the treatment of the canon queer characters.

A lot of times in this type of manga (shounen, gangster ect.) queer characters (especially effeminate characters) are the butt of a joke. In windbreaker that is not at all the case.

Most important example, LOML Tsubaki. He’s an openly gay cross-dresser who is one of the most well developed characters in the story, despite basically being a side character. (While the fandom likes to interpret Tsubaki in different ways- NB, Trans ect and use varying pronouns- officially the Mangaka has stated he uses he/him pronouns. Which is a really interesting choice and adds a lot to the character. So I’ll be using he/him, since Tsubaki calls himself a man.)

Tsubaki is in love with Umemiya, the head of the student body and it’s not treated as a joke, which is super refreshing. He just has a crush and everyone knows including Umemiya. We’re not sure if it’s reciprocated but the two are very important to each other and Umemiya relies on Tsubaki.

We get a glimpse into Tsubaki’s past and see a very scared little boy who doesn’t understand why he likes what he likes.

Fortunately he finds people who encourage him and love him as he is which gives him the strength to express himself how he wants (wearing makeup and high heels).

He is incredibly strong and brave and will not tolerate anyone who mocks what he or anyone else loves or tries to control them.

Love is his greatest strength and what he fights for the most! And because he’s so determined to fight for love, he’s just as determined to reach out to even his opponents and offer them the same kindness he’s received.

He’s such a passionate, warm and loving person and I fell hard for queen Tsubaki!

Tsubaki is all about self love and acceptance and it’s so refreshing to see a character who presents differently and acts differently than you’d expect from a man (especially in such a conservative country as Japan) be treated with such care and respect by the creators and the characters.

Exhibit B, shorter because we don’t know as much about him, I’m not allowed to post many more pictures, and also because he’s not Tsubaki- my man Endo!

He’s a masochistic weirdo but also it’s kinda just sad that he’s been mooning after Chika for forever and doing everything for him but is treated horribly and practically doesn’t exist in his crush’s eyes. And when he fights with Sakura and feels seen for the first time, he falls hard. (Ok let’s be real everyone is in love with Sakura at this point.)

And as usual, in the face of affection, genuine feelings, and any sort of compliment, our baby boy blushes.

I literally adore his response. As with Tsubaki, he’s very accepting and open. GOOD BOY!!! ALL THE GOOD BOYS!!!!

Anyway I just love that the queer characters are taken seriously and well developed. All these characters are amazing and I could probably make a whole post about each of them but I won’t.

[turn-my-hollow-purple]

What Clique Stereotype Each AOT Character Is

this is in honor of the fact that the only thing on my mind right now is GENUINELY gothkasa like omfg I need her so bad it's not even funny you guys PLUH EASEEEE-

Eren: you're surprised he's actually passing his classes because he never turns in work, etc. (thanks to Armin and Mikasa); all the girls like him but he just exist you guys.. I will not fall into the Eren frat boy agenda I swear... (I want to so bad) but yeah he kinda bullies other kids and says "no it's just a joke, trust"

Armin: chess club captain! y'all knew this was coming I'm afraid but he's a cutie pie... obviously a brainiac... maybe a band kid too (positive)

Mikasa: she is a part of the alt kids, falling into the goth subculture! goth music, dark clothes, gloomy vibes, and boy oh boy does she pull it off

Jean: he's like... how do I put this... he's the kid who's quarterback on the football team and the lead in the school musical. A man who can do both dare I say

Connie: CLASS CLOWN! But not the kind that thinks he's better than anyone, people actually enjoy Connie's humor. Occasional spit ball at the teacher though... he frequents detention

Sasha: she is the 'leaves class early and shows up to class late' stereotype... except it's not intentional. And when she is in class? She's asleep.

Annie: she's also in the alt scene with Miksasa, but she fits into the grunge, skater kid scene. This means dark clothes as well, but she's got her skateboard, a vape, eyeliner, and emo music (I'm projecting slightly)

Bertholdt: he's giving class vice-president... he's a little goody-two shoes but not popular enough to be the actual class president. People enjoy him though because he's a sweetie

Reiner: That one kid you swear you've never seen without headphones on like are they permanently in your ears or something bitch hello? He's also a band kid (derogatory)

Ymir: she is also a part of the alt scene but she is 100% the queer stoner girl (also drug dealer lmfao); she dresses more boho vibes but always has some form of weed on her and she is your plug... also lowkey an art kid

Historia: my darling theatre kid. She's the lead in all the plays, musicals, performances, etc. She's really talented and pretty and everyone loves her so much. She probably gets homecoming queen

Levi: that one literature teacher that never seems to give 100% no matter how well the work is done... will blatantly tell a student that they're wrong instead of the classic 'oh that's a good try... not exactly what I was looking for though', it's just straight up 'no that's wrong.'

Erwin: this is the male history teacher who everyone's kind of in love with just because he's so attractive and lowkey so fun to learn from, but you also speculate might be kinda gay? He gets super into his lectures and his students love how interactive he is

Hange: OKAY SO- they're the science teacher who lowkey doesn't know wtf is happening but goes with it anyway... sometimes the students have to teach them what they're supposed to be doing and if you're in their class, there's a good chance you're fearing for your life at some point during lecture

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1 REACTION

These are my confessions, just when I thought that I was starting to fall in love, my boyfriend unceremoniously decided to dump me.

After a week off and a presidential election that felt like a season of American Horror Story, we finally got a new episode of the gay firefighter show. Unfortunately I was spoiled by the episode's ending courtesy of Tumblr but nothing could've ever prepared me for how infuriating things would get. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning. This reaction is for the season 8, sixth episode "Confessions" which originally aired November 7th, 2024. The episode was written by Andrew Meyers and directed by Life Goes On and Pretty Little Liars actor, Chad Lowe! Spoilers ahead!

Best plot?

This week's episode focuses on a handful of our main characters. We finally get some time with Eddie and we get a bonkers storyline involving Buck and Tommy. However, it is Maddie and Chimney's plot that is my favorite. A few episodes ago, Hen and Karen regained custody of Mara which means Jee-Yun is back to being an only child. Maddie laments that Jee-Yun is having trouble adjusting to a life where Mara isn't her big sister anymore even though the two see quite a bit of each other. She suggests having a second child but Chimney has some trepidation about having another kid.  During an emergency involving a little kid getting stuck in a drain pipe a la "Eddie Begins", Chimney consoles his older brother who blames himself for his little brother wandering off and winding up in a dangerous situation. The little boy (played by Tiberius Byrd) volunteers himself to be lowered down in the pipe so he can pull his absolutely adorable baby brother out of the drain. Afterwards, Chimney warms to the idea of having a little brother or sister for Jee-Yun.

In their final scene, Chimney and Maddie have a raw and open conversation regarding their concerns about having another child. Chimney tearfully tells Maddie that if she is ever feeling sad or overwhelmed, she needs to come to him. She doesn't get to leave or try to figure it out on her own. He asks for total and complete transparency. Wow! I think we sometimes forget that while Maddie is a trauma magnet, Chimney has been right there since the beginning experiencing those tragedies with her. He went through the Doug situation with her. He spent six months raising Jee-Yun on his own while looking for Maddie. For him, having another child could send Maddie back down that same dark path again.

Now Maddie has some conditions of her own. She tells Chimney that they can't go into her pregnancy acting like she's broken. Oh, and yes you read that correctly. Maddie is pregnant! Yay!!! This is the best thing to come out of the episode and it makes me excited for this couple. Hopefully this time around, things will be much better for them.

Best emergency sequence?

We got three emergency sequences this episode but the best by far is the one involving veteran actor Jonathan Silverman. The Weekend at Bernie's and more recently Goosebumps actor plays a man named Walter Schaffer who is in the middle of a nasty divorce. His soon-to-be ex-wife, Liza Schaffer (played by Silverman's real-life wife Jennifer Finnigan) points out that Walter sneezes when he's lying and Walter has been sneezing a LOT! As things reach a boiling point between the two, Walter lets out one last sneeze which causes his stomach to split open and his guts to fall out. I really wish I could've taken a picture of my mom when this happened, She hasn't been this horrified by a 9-1-1 show since Owen Strand decided to perform CPR on a man frozen solid by his cryotherapy chamber. 

This whole scene is mostly played for laughs even though Walter has been eviscerated. After last episode's gut-wrenching accident involving Denny Wilson, it was nice to have a low stakes emergency. Also, it was good to see Jonathan Silverman. I love when they bring veteran actors in to have them perform these small roles. It's one of the reasons I like Ryan Murphy shows so much. He always pays homage to the legends. Oh, and Walter is okay. Even though he spilled his guts, he's still a creep! You made the right decision, Liza!

Episode MVP?

This was a tough one. None of our main characters did anything particularly outstanding this week. This episode is giving filler but I still enjoyed it. However, since I do need to pick someone to be this week's MVP, I'm going to choose everyone's favorite dispatcher - Josh Russo. Josh mostly serves as comic relief in this series but I thought what he had to say to Buck was particularly noteworthy. As someone who is part of the pre-Glee world. I relate so hard to what people like Josh and Tommy have gone through as gay men. I graduated in the early-2000s and even though life was much improved for LGBTQ+ people than let's say the 70s, 80s, and 90s, I still didn't feel comfortable coming out until my late-20's. Buck's coming out was so simple and much of that is due in part to the queer people that came before him. I'm sure someone like Josh had a difficult time prior to coming out and Tommy went as far as getting into a serious relationship with a woman before he finally made the decision to come out. Had the end of this episode gone a lot differently, I think Josh's monologue would be even better. I also love that he called Buck in instead of calling him out. I wish we got more scenes with Josh and Buck because as of right now they are the only two queer male characters on the show. 

 BuckTommy Corner

I've been dreading writing this part of the reaction mostly because it might be the last BuckTommy Corner we ever get. A lot of fellow shippers online seem to think that we may see Buck and Tommy reunite but the ending of this episode has me convinced that we aren't getting the BuckTommy endgame many of you have been asking for since the two first touched lips. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself again.

After last episode's stellar development of Buck and Tommy's relationship, this episode's writer decided to burn it all down. Our first scene between Buck and Tommy finds them back where it all began. It's their six-month anniversary and Tommy has gotten Buck basketball tickets. Things seem to be going swimmingly between the two of them until some hot blonde comes over and asks Buck to take a picture of her and her friends. Buck seems very awkward by the situation but Tommy assures him it's okay for him to find other women attractive. Whew! Crisis averted! I was so sure this was going to be the conflict of the episode.

Then we get Tommy admitting to Buck that he is a Kinsey scale six which means he's g-g-gay ... even though once upon a time he was engaged to a 9-1-1 dispatcher with the most amazing hair. Yes, folks, Tommy Kinard was engaged to Abby Clark. Tommy mentions that after he ended things, Abby went on to date a himbo. Buck is completely shooketh by this revelation and goes to his sister for advice. This is where we get the fantastic monologue from Josh. Buck decides to come clean to Tommy and figures that this changes nothing about their relationship.

Tommy apologizes for calling Buck a himbo and the latter asks Tommy to move in with him. Then everything goes to absolute shit. Tommy spouts some bullshit about being Buck's first (male) relationship but he will not be his last. Tommy says he doesn't want to get his heart broken again and then throws up the deuces to a very confused Buck. I'm sorry, y'all! What in the absolute hell just happened! I don't know who that man was. I know he looked like Lou Ferrigno Jr. playing Tommy Kinard but it's like some alien took over Tommy's body during this scene. This is not the same man we have gotten to know over the few seasons. Yes, Tommy did have some reservations about getting into a relationship with Buck so soon after his coming out but they squashed all of that way back in 7x05. Since then, these two have been building something amazing only to have it blown up so unceremoniously at the end of this episode.

Now, as I mentioned prior, the ending to this episode was spoiled. After learning about the breakup, I immediately went to the BuckTommy Reddit and learned that others were as similarly confused as I was. To make matters worse, it appears that Lou Ferrigno Jr, is as equally flummoxed by the decision to end things as the viewers, which is not a good look for the show. Why give us all that development in "Masks" only for Tommy to exit stage left. Thankfully, Lou announced that he will be returning to S.W.A.T. so I'm comforted that I will get to see him again in a skin-tight black T-shirt. One thing I will say about Lou is the man stays working. Check out his IMDb. He may not be the series lead but he stays working and he will continue to work because he seems to be an extremely competent and professional actor. 

The end of this episode left a bad taste in my mouth and I'm not just saying that because of the BuckTommy breakup. I've somewhat suspected that things have not been good with this show for a very long time but as long as I got scenes with Buck and Tommy, I was willing to keep going. This show is in its eighth season and we keep putting these characters through the same paces. Eddie's still trying to figure out how to be a good dad to Christopher seven seasons later. Maybe the show is getting a bit stale? I dunno. This episode just felt less fun for some reason. Perhaps I need to watch it again.

With that said, I will continue to watch 9-1-1 because I do love the characters on this show and the actors that play them. Oh, and by the way, please do not give Lou or Oliver any hate for simply playing what was written for them. Also, a lot of you are upset with Oliver and calling him biphobic. Now, do I think he said some problematic things in the last interview he did? Yes. Do I think he needs to be nailed to the cross for it? Absolutely not! I think we as viewers and members of the LGBTQ+ community need to take a page out of the Book of Josh and start calling people in instead of calling people out. We are very reactionary people and I totally get it. Being part of a marginalized group (or two, or three) especially here in America is rough and we find ways to protect ourselves to prevent harm from being inflicted on us. With that said, I believe it is quite possible to take an ally to task without potentially alienating them. As an elder, millennial gay, I think that's something we can all get better at! Until next time ...

[dollfacepopstar]

Single Drop: One of the Girls

oh heyyy dolls! ur girl Dollface is back with another hot single.

thx so much for all the support so far, you hotties made me feel so loved! I make these for you babes ❤️

I had a couple of songs that I was going to drop next, but yesterday I was working on these lyrics and like, omg, the beat that came from them is just sooo hot.

this song is like every beta fag’s dream scenario. It’s about a group of hot confident bitches seeing right through a pathetic boy and turning him into a hottie like them.

I’ve already been doing naughty things listening to this song, now it’s ur turn 😈

love love, Dollface mwah xo

oh and P.S., for you girlies that want the lyrics to sing along to, here you go 😘

We know your little secret And it’s time we let it out

(Verse 1) Oh boy, I think it’s time you stopped acting tough Oh boy, my girls and me we’ve all had enough Oh boy, we notice every time you stop and stare But you’re checkin’ out our heels and our nails and our hair (How do we look?)

Oh boy, it’s why we brought you over tonight Oh boy, and there’s not another guy in sight (You don’t count) Oh boy, cos we’re getting ready to go out And you’re one of us tonight we’ll show you what it’s all about

(Pre chorus) Sabrina’s playing through the speaker Perfume’s in the air If you’re nervous just relax babe No one’s gonna care

(Chorus) You’re one of the girls tonight You’re lookin’ so glam You’re one of the girls baby You’re going home with a man Because you’re one of the girls tonight

(Break) Are you starting to get the picture babe? Like, the only man inside of you is…well….oh my god I can’t say it giggles

(Verse 2) Hey girl, your dress is hugging all your curves (Bodycon) Hey girl, your nails oh they look superb (French tip) Hey girl, your makeup is a total slay (Fake lashes) So hot, so fierce, so glam Wait, are you sure you’re not gay?

Hey girl, come and look at this pic he sent today (she’s like literally drooling!) Hey girl, you like the look of that big D-I-C-K? (she loves it!) Hey girl, I know we told you nothing would go down (Oopsie!) But there’s a reason we get so dolled up for town

(Pre chorus) Britney’s playing on the aux We’re heading to the club You’re touching up your lip gloss And you wanna give it up (Yeah, she’s totally giving it up tonight, she wants it so bad!)

(Chorus) You’re one of the girls tonight You’re lookin’ so glam You’re one of the girls baby You’re going home with a man Because you’re one of the girls tonight

(Bridge) Shots and dancing in a sexy haze Girl you’ve never felt so free

Across the room he catches your gaze And suddenly your on your knees

You thought this was all fashion and fun But now you’re Asking him pleading him Begging to come

(Chorus) You’re one of the girls tonight You’re lookin’ so glam You’re one of the girls baby And you’re pleasing your man

You’re one of the girls tonight And it feels so right You’re one of the girls baby So ride your man all night Because you’re one of the girls

(Outro) So like, how big was he? Oh my god are you serious? You’re so naughty girl! Are you seeing him again?

Okay girl That was fun Same time next week? Sounds hot

Mwah

[weralika]

i would also love to hear your thoughts about kandreil being codependent and toxic please and thank you 🙏

SORRY I MISSED YOUR ASK SOMEHOW!!!

so lemme begin 🙂🙂

the most dependent one is kevin, obviously, because of raven's partner system and everything. when he transferred to psu, Andrew (whether he wanted that or not) became his partner and Kevin would be so broken when Andrew starts to spend time with Neil more than not.

Andrew is angry about that!! because yes, he wanted to save that stupid boy, but he didn't know Kevin would never learn to be by himself, Andrew would never treat him with that kind of caress (I dare say) if he knew Kevin would become addicted.

so yes, Kevin is addicted

there we can imagine Kevin leaving PSU and crying in his bed with dirty sheets because he misses them so much he can't even do the chores properly (same bro)

Neil is the smartest one 🙂 he quickly realised that they have a strange kind of friendship and he knows that their tension is mutual (somehow??? he was oblivious with Andrew I know, but he just knows they like each other)

he still feels some awe when talking to Kevin because wdym KEVIN DAY is training ME??? is that a dream? wtf

so he would never cross the line!! because of Andrew he learnt the concept of consent and now he's afraid to make a mistake (he is 99% sure that Kevin wants to kiss him but that 1%)

their relationship starts when Kevin gets so jealous he almost tells them to stop flirting and fuck already (bc he knows they do fuck. he has ears, unfortunately)

he only tells them to be quiet bc he has a lot of homework and Neil strikes with "I'm not your homework, but you can do me" like maaaan wtf is that (Kevin blushes, Andrew asks if they want him to go away and then long conversation about kevin not being gay and not being in love with them)

almost instantly they become a wreck!! because Kevin needs so much attention that sometimes he tries to ignore their boundaries!! he is stupid and wants to kiss!! he feels guilty as fuck after being scolded he almost cries (sorry is it too ooc???)

he learns how to be not that demanding (imagine having 2 boyfriends and still it's not enough) and Neil tries to help him (he hugs him actually)

when they are apart, Kevin is sad as fuck but when together he is a little nervous most of the time, because he is too afraid to ruin everything (like he checks if Neil really wants to kiss him)

also this post became just my rant about Kevin but he's really terrified of being a third wheel and tries to give them time alone even if he's so hungry for their attention he has to grit his teeth after saying "I'm going for a run alone because I don't want to interrupt your crazy chemistry"

Andrew is afraid of losing them!! he thinks he's not enough for Neil and Kevin, he's not even so interested in exy and they have so much in common and he is just stupid traumatized boy who can't show affection when Kevin needs it, he's so useless that they don't even ask him about going pro anymore, they do not imagine their future together like andrew does.

they do.

Neil is just a stray kitten in a warm house who thinks he would not spend another night there :D so he tries to make the most out of their relationship! he kisses Kevin 70% times he wants to be kissed, and other 30% is Andrew or no one because they're not in the mood

it turned out not toxic or even codependent I'm sorry ☠️☠️ but I tried to describe my vision or them close (as I can) to canon, not some ugly shit I have in my brain about andrew being (a little) abusive or Neil being a fucking cheater which I am guilty of thinking about!

[autisticjoshrusso]

ok ok ok. a post about josh, buck, and maddie at dispatch as promised. (and because i dont feel like writing a whole separate post or repeating myself etc, if im pointing something out as evidence for my autistic josh headcanon, it'll be in parenthesis like this) also this is long because im going basically line by line in some places so just be prepared for that and such.

the first thing i wanna say before anything else is that like... as far as how this conversation fits into the larger narrative, i was fairly disappointed, due to the way that including this scene like this is kinda implying that the racism was fine because of being closeted etc. HOWEVER. luckily for my sanity it is pretty clear that from a character perspective, that's not at all what's being said by josh himself here, and we can be pretty certain that he is not aware of tommy's past behaviors. in fact he has almost no facts or context about the situation, which i'll get into later.

now that the disclaimer is out of the way, im gonna move onto character analysis and will not be touching on what i think the narrative might have meant etc. any further. like this is going to be purely talking about character dynamics and dissecting the dialogue etc.

we start out right away by skipping all the exposition right into a hard cut of maddie reacting to the news that tommy and abby were engaged. LOVE this set up we get right into the important part quickly and we as the audience only have to hear information that is new to us, not the information being repeated back to the character for whom the information is new.

and oh maddie. i love you so bad. she's like DAMN thats crazy, and then makes the obvious turning people gay joke. her energy here is sooo like it didn't make sense until looking at it in retrospect, but she's shocked and invested yet not taking it very seriously as a concern for buck, because well, she's having a baby and this is objectively not that serious comparatively <3 but i do love that she sees buck's reaction and quickly reins it in and is like woah im kidding im not actually being homophobic holy smokes. which. it kinda still is a little. but i think she's allowed <3

and then... josh enters the scene. he apparently only walked in as buck was saying "-kissed a boy" so of course he had to be like huh? gay shit? something gay? boys?? what's going on over here? and i love that for him. and i love that maddie immediately is like oh hi bestie i catch u up to speed on the tea <3 the maddiejosh bestieism is so back we never lose <3 and that fact that she's like. feeding in the facts in a way to dramatically amp up the tale i love it. she really said man the things my baby brother gets himself caught up in are wild.... anyway <3 true sibling behavior is finding the perfect balance between being supportive and being so so annoying <3

and she is supportive still. like when it becomes clear that there's something deeper going on here she does try to help him work through it. and its so interesting to me the way she is sort of seriously contemplating his words and is shocked when josh not only speaks up but is being very serious and equally focused on the problem at hand. it's like... she's trying so hard to figure out how to help her brother with something she doesn't fully understand that having someone else speak up to help them kind of shocks her and boy does that say something about their lives and the buckley sibling dynamic!

side note, the way josh is jokingly like "she didn't bring her personal life to work, unlike SOME people" and maddie's little look of mock offense?? they're so cute i cant handle it.

i also really love how the shots are framed during this conversation. at first, even when she's not talking and is just listening to josh talk, maddie is still in frame, we're still getting her reaction, she's an active participant in what's going on. and then there is the one shot where she's talking and josh is out of frame, hidden by buck, because whatever reaction he might be having isn't important, it's a buckley sibling moment. (he's not an active participant at that point; he's entirely observing and reacting and gathering information, not dictating the direction of the conversation whatsoever.)

it's only when josh gets very serious and it starts to turn into a heart to heart moment just between him and buck that maddie is allowed to leave the frame. it still goes back to her in very brief cuts when her reaction is relevant, but she steps back out of focus and let's josh handle the conversation. and i love that so much. thank GOD someone else is helping buck sort out his problems that isn't his parentified sister or just generally someone more marginalized than him. it was kind of getting irritating to watch, as much as i love buck so much. like dude... the emotional labor. watch it.

and man. this conversation guys. everything about it makes me an insane crazy person. ive already mentioned this in the tags of some other posts but like... its so fascinating because on the surface it is such a cohesive conversation, but when you really break it down and analyze both of their expressions and body language alongside what they're saying, you can start to see the cracks in it. what one of them is saying is not what the other one is hearing, in both directions. they are having two different conversations and i think it's critical to analyze both of those conversations and how they are interacting with each other. what josh says, what josh hears, what buck says, and what buck hears are four entirely separate things happening alongside each other.

the first part is josh trying to get a sense for how serious this relationship is to buck. when buck falters at the question of "do you love him?", he elaborates with follow-up questions that, to josh, define "love" or close enough to it. answering "yes" to those questions is close enough to a "yes" to the question of "do you love him?".

(which. ok. the particular choice of questions makes me insane because they do essentially boil down to "do you prefer this person to solitude and grant them an equal or greater importance to yourself?" which is sooo... it's said from the point of view of someone who greatly values their solitude and would not easily grant someone that level of importance.)

unfortunately, well, buck is NOT someone who greatly values his solitude, and puts other people before himself quite easily. buck would answer "yes" to those questions for basically anyone. josh does not know or understand this about buck and takes buck's answers at face value, while buck is taking this as sort of... it's hard to explain, and i think others have done a better job of capturing buck's perspective already tbh. he's convincing himself that he loves tommy here because josh is unknowingly handing him that information and expectation, and buck loves to mold himself to fit an expectation etc.

and then comes the second part, which... i think this is where it is most critical to realize that josh has none of the context about tommy, abby, and buck and those respective relationships. by his own admission, he didn't really know much about abby or about her breakup with tommy beyond the fact that it was upsetting. he didn't hear the way tommy talked about abby to buck at dinner, and he definitely didn't get to see any of the real fallout and damage to her psyche that tommy leaving her caused.

but buck did! im not inclined to rewatch s1 to get any exact quotes or anything but from what i remember, she either outright said or implied that she was so heartbroken because tommy left her because of her mother's illness. buck is understandably very upset because he understands exactly what she went through and how, unless abby was lying to not out him, he didn't exactly come clean with the breakup, and left her feeling like it was her fault, like there was something wrong with her or she was being weighed down by caring for her mother. he calls tommy's behavior exactly what it is: dishonest and cruel.

but josh doesn't know this. all he is hearing is a young, freshly out bisexual calling a gay man "dishonest and cruel" for having been engaged to a woman for his own protection. and he responds exactly how you'd expect! he reminds him of queer history and the fact that he doesn't really have a right to judge the people who grew up and had to survive in a world that was much less safe to come out in.

(and i said in my other post that's still doing numbers that "pre-Glee/post-Glee" is an actual queer discourse talking point and makes sense that it'd be used here, as awkward and cheesy as it seems, but it's also a win for my television/film/popular media/hollywood culture/etc. as a special interest headcanon. <3 we love to see it)

and it kills me because of course buck is just going to take this at face value and decide he needs to stop feeling the discomfort he's feeling, leading to the subsequent doubling down and over committing that is typical of his unhealthy relationship patterns.

(and then at the end of the speech josh has to literally announce that he's leaving DSJFHJKDSKJ. because walking away/ending conversations is so awkward and difficult and the easiest way to mitigate that is to lean into the Dramatic Homosexual Stereotype mask or whatever <3 i've long been of the opinion that josh is someone who uses the behaviors associated with queer men and queer masculinity as the blueprint for his neurotypical mask, which is why he often comes across as being just a little bit off from the Funny and Bitchy Gay vibes that it seems like he's going for. and boy did his exit from this scene just reinforce that headcanon so hard!)

they wrap the scene with a little bit more levity too which is kind of nice to like. move on from that. because it got kind of heavy there for a second.

overall i do like what this scene accomplished, but like i said at the start, i think it has some really unfortunate implications that weigh it down for me. still, always nice to get more josh content, especially when it's pretty consistent with his character as established AND not at all related to doing his job. we got to see him and maddie being goofy and maddie being allowed to let someone else deal with buck's problems for a second. and the whole thing was very well shot! excellent camera work going on throughout.

i don't actually know how to end this post so yknow. im gonna make a dramatic exit now or whatever <3

[paverics]

I went and found every single (I think) wlw movie or tv show listed on tubi. there are….lots, and probably still some that I missed. so join me as I list them

eva + candela, twin flame, blood beach betrayal, killer body count, lowlifes, three, kiss me, walk with me, adan, lip service, I can’t think straight, girl trash all night long, the affair, the sweetest kiss, my days of mercy, my first girl crush, good kisser, a song of a girl, flunk, anatomy of a love seen, my new girl crush, concerto for abigail, who am I now?, snapshots, stuff, a place we go to, her side of the bed, t11 incomplete, lockdown lovers, nina, claire of the moon, my last girl crush, looking for her, my normal, a flower box for rosie, girls like magic, me myself and her, august at twenty two, writing kim, the feels, the light touch, all about e, girl place, ellie and abbie and ellie's dead aunt, cry folx, wynonna earp vengence, but I’m a cheerleader, liberty’s secret, castaways, the miseducation of cameron post, sister my sister, you me her, professor Marston and the wonder women, clementine, boy meets girl, the secrets, princess cyd, the chambermaid Lynn, Christmas with love, waiting amber, the truth about Jane, moonlit winter, dawn her dad and the tractor, the last conception, losing chase, turned out, x, twisted marriage therapist, love augmented, trifecta, alliance, wish, the adored, the white book, orange blossoms, more than friends, the guest house, an unexpected love, palitan, you will be mine, between us, elena undone, a perfect ending, the girl king, seeking dolly parton, carmilla, seventeen, liz in september, the space between words,

for the record, most of these….are really bad. some of them are even downright fucking horrendous. but there’s lots of them. and they’re free. i said it before and i’ll say it again, tubi has the biggest range of wlw options i’ve ever seen. so in no particular order here are the ones I have seen and personally recommend:

dating amber: the ultimate mlm and wlw solidarity movie. gay irish teams beard each other. it’s a coming of age self discovery style movie

the truth about jane: very classic wlw movie. this probably saved lives and I mean that in the most genuine “representation matters” kind of way

boy meets girl: bisexual love triangle movies piss me off because usually there’s a clear choice, like one is an obvious piece of shit and the other is an angel but they still make ~the choice~ a big deal. — this one isn’t like that. I genuinely like all 3 of them, which is nice. the wlw part doesn’t really go anywhere on either side because they both end with men, but it’s a nice movie regardless

clementine: plot is bad. script is bad. sydney sweeney kisses a woman. 10/10

professor marston and the wonder women: guy who made wonder woman was a little freak and his two female partners continued living together and raising their kids after his death allegedly as partners but some have since come out and denied that they were in an intimate relationship

the miseducation of cameron post: gay conversion therapy but you can’t stop gay thoughts. good but depressing as hell

castaways: if you can ignore the vocal fry and the fact that this kind of has 2 separate movie plots jammed into one for some reason (apocalypse vs stranded on a desert island) then it’s actually pretty enjoyable. the first 50 minutes or so is sweet and romantic but then a man rocks up and quite literally ruins the safety, tranquility and most importantly the vibes

liberty’s secret: I’ll give you $5 if you can guess what secret liberty is keeping. full disclosure, this movie is a musical. I didn’t realise this when I first saw it and it took me longer than you’d think before I clocked it. after the third musical number, I got suspicious, and then I nearly pissed my pants laughing. preacher’s daughter goes on a political tour for republican party but the republican pr manager is a lesbian democrat. is it good? no. I only put in this section because of how much I enjoyed myself laughing at it being musical

but I’m a cheerleader: i don’t need to say anything. absolute classic. 10/10 no notes

wynonna earp vengence: i actually haven’t seen this and I stopped watching when xavier left. that’s right, baby. I wanted the straights only. I loved them and it hurt when my boy left. it’s probably ok though. I don’t know. people like it

all about e: it’s silly. it’s harmless. it’s kinda funny. there are bad movies in that list above and yes this is one of them, but it could have been worse

looking for her: it’s a christmas movie. gag, I know. this one isn’t that bad though. if my memory is right, it’s a fake dating christmas lesbian movie that ends happily. it’s fine

who am I now?: if good luck babe were a movie, I guess. almost drove me insane because the actors look familiar in ways I can’t explain but their imbd page is empty. anyway, whatever. sometimes you don’t know who you are and that’s fine but then by the time you figure it out, it’s too late. that’s fine too. life is a journey

girl trash all night long: this is the second musical on the list but shut up. I will physically fight any person with a bad thing to say about this. there’s a weirdly high number of actors who were also in the l word, for some reason? I don’t know why. anyway mandy Musgrave and Gabrielle christian were in the fucking trenches for lesbians and bisexuals before your faves ever were, before you were born, they were throwing bricks at stonewall babe. if you head south of nowhere then you arrive at thank you very much for your service ladies. I will put respect on your names even if nobody else does

I can’t think straight: another classic. I haven’t seen it for a long time but I remember it being more political than I originally remembered, but I was basically a kid when I watched it for the first time. most of the women in this movie are awful, whereas the men are wonderful, which is an unexpected turn.

lip service: once upon a time, the british tried to make our own version of the l word. it was somehow even worse. I’m only putting it on this list because I remember being 14 and sneaking it on the tv late at night when my parents were out. it only lasted 12 episodes in total before they binned it

kiss me: technically it’s not incest but if you have to start a sentence like that then it’s not going great. they’re adults. their parents are about to get married. they fall in love. I don’t know why one couldn’t have been like….a cousin’s neighbour instead

lowlifes: “i’d rather eat pussy than people,” says the girl who does both. is this movie good? no but also yes. it has my favourite line out of any movie ever and the whole coming out scene dialogue is just so great. does someone die? don’t ask me that again. it’s fun, it’s violent, it’s camp, it’s twisty and the acting is better than you’d expect it to be

If tubi has a million fans, I am one of them

If tubi has no fans, I am dead

If the world is against tubi, I am against the world

[mar-zom]

the moment (when i first watched Dead Poets Society) i realized how utterly GAY these boys were was the scene where Neil encourages Todd to throw his birthday gift off the roof. The way he talks to Todd, The way he LOOKS at Todd, the way Neil immediately goes to make him feel better with humor and a new perspective instead of just apologizing out of feeling bad. i watched it, rewatched it, and then rewatched it again and immediately went “OH THEY ARE SO INCREDIBLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER”

[rain-fa1l]

here take some mountain and rain art i drew

[stdrawberries-lemonade]

guys this is real i was their gay thoughts

[skylie-spiderlillis]

My deepest apologies for my followers that followed me for other stuff like bat family or hell-verse content and all I talk about is dbd now.

(This show is so good just give it a chance).

[madkiska]

bunch of lads from different aus teehee

[seilon]

certainly feeling some things about the fact that simon. bullied edwin, yes, because he clocked him being gay. but not out out of hatred for him because of it. instead it was because he thought edwin was cute and felt sad and confused by edwin not paying attention to him. because simon is also gay. that is some beautiful and tragic storytelling and such a good way to come back around and give edwin some amount of closure on that chapter of his life wow

[esshades]

I finally finished my watchthrough of the 2 MDZS shows and here are my thoughts from my notes

[gothamsfinestdummy]

I can hear you