#they are both Emotionally Compromised
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If I had a nickle every time there was a morally ambiguous grey haired man who always wears a business suit with a red tie and has an affinity for the Packers Football team in a kids cartoon I'd have two nickles, which isn't a lot but it's weird it's happened twice.

#mun speaks#gravity falls#danny phantom#phandom#they have nearly the same tie#every time I am reminded of this it does psychic damage to me#there are more similarities too#both of them only soft swear#they are both Emotionally Compromised
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"Jason should've ducked!!"
Yeah, and your mom should've swallowed. What's your fucking point?!
#Jace says#Yeah that was uncalled for but oh boy did it feel good#That aside#Instead of saying Jason should've ducked#How about we consider that Bruce shouldn't have thrown an incredibly sharp projectile while emotionally compromised#How about we consider that Bruce should've done more to actually deal with Joker as a threat#To minimize life loss by someone who clearly refuses to be rehabilitated*and* to honor his son in a way that doesn't compromise his morals#Yes friends!#It's both/and!!#Shocking I know!!#But ultimately#Let's consider that at the time UtRH was being written Jason was planned to be killed at the end#Doesn't matter that the hit was to the neck or the shoulder#That's irrelevant#Because he wasn't supposed to make it to the next issue#In fact#Someone posted scans of the original issue that has a page that was omitted from the trade paperback#That pretty much confirms Jason died#Jason was effectively a season long big boss being portrayed by a big name guest star whose arc ended on the season finale#The ending of UtRH was supposed to mirror the ending of DitF#That is why he didn't duck#Vent post#anti Batfam#anti fanon#Fuck y'all irritate my soul#Batsalt
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Been rewatching the early Marvel movies and apparently this is the time of my life where I just get re-obsessed with characters I love so here's some random thoughts about Loki/Thor the Dark World:
Why. In the world. In the universe. Did Odin not ask Loki ANY questions when Loki was brought before him for judgement in Dark World? Like, at the BAREST MINIMUM he should have asked where Loki got an ARMY, the last time he'd seen Loki was when Loki fell off the Bifrost and then he vanished for a year and showed back up with the glowstick of destiny and an army that Thor says "are not of Asgard or any world known". ODIN. WHY ARE YOU NOT ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS?!
Like, we are aware that Odin is. partial to giving his kids harsh punishments. He obviously doesn't care about Loki's motives. Like, a good parent would look at their kid who disappeared for a year and then came back insane and be like "hey so what happened to you when you disappeared? you didn't get captured by a super powerful being and tortured into submission did you?" (Thanos tortured Loki I have SOURCES and I WILL cite them upon request) But even a bad parent who was a decent king would wonder how their kid suddenly got an ARMY out of NOWHERE and yet Odin never questions this at all. Even Thor in Avengers at least asks Loki "Who showed you this power? Who controls the would-be king?" (which just shows Thor would honestly be a better king than Odin tbh) but Odin is just like "nah this is not important. imprisoning my son for life and telling him how worthless I think he is is more important in this moment."
I wonder if she'd had more time if maybe Frigga would have been able to get Loki to tell her what happened and if maybe that was part of her goal of visiting him (beyond just, you know, actually being a decent parent who cares about her child and wanting to keep him company) because we know she's clever (she's smarter than Odin good gravy, is there like an age difference between them is he going senile or something) so PERHAPS she thought if she talked to Loki she could puzzle out what had happened to him and find out if there was, you know, a potential universal threat Asgard should be aware of. And like, if she had found out anything what was Odin going to say? He can't actually punish his wife in any meaningful way (lol imagine he tries and she just grabs her two grown sons and leaves, help xD) especially if she found out IMPORTANT INFORMATION that he SHOULD have discovered on his own.
This does kind of highlight an underlying problem with Odin, where he seems to think that Asgard is invincible and is, well, lazy about defending it. Like, I've seen posts about how Loki letting the Frost Giants into Asgard in the first movie is actually him not just showing that Thor is not ready to be king, but also demonstrating that Asgard has dangerous holes in its defenses. Because yeah, Loki can HIDE HIMSELF FROM HEIMDALL and sneak into Asgard. Heck, he can sneak OTHERS into Asgard while he's not even WITH them. That- that is a security threat, because if anyone BESIDES Loki could do that then Asgard could easily be invaded and- wait a second, that happens in The Dark World! The Dark Elves hide themselves from Heimdall and sneak an invasion force into Asgard! Destroying it's defenses and KILLING ITS QUEEN. Like, my goodness, do you think Loki is the only person with these abilities? Are you even trying Odin? At all?
TLDR; Odin is an idiot for not questioning Loki about the Chitauri/where he was for a year between Thor and Avengers, not to mention an awful father and an incompetent king.
#long post#loki#thor#thor the dark world#odin#marvel#this is really just me dunking on odin akjlghjafhgsf#the more I rewatch the movies the more this stands out like#my dude why are you like this#he's multitasking he's being both a bad king and a bad father!#loki in the first thor movie is such a smol overwhelmed bean I want to give him a hug#thor 1 gets so much more interesting when you watch the deleted scenes with loki in them my word#I showed my parents the one where the asgardians made loki king and my mom was like 'THAT WAS TWO MINUTES WHY'D THEY LEAVE IT OUT'#because it was IMPORTANT#like. I'm not saying Loki was making great decisions that whole movie#but he was overwhelmed and highly emotionally compromised and felt trapped#he was doing his best#he's just quiet and doesn't yell his plans to everyone like thor so people suspect he's Up To Something#which might also be a little bit of commentary about how society favors extroverts#anyway#getting deep in these tags at almost 3am about movies that are 10-13 years old wheeeeeee
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On one hand the fact that both luffy and sanji trusted pudding as an ally potentially speaks more about the reality of puddings self and feelings BUT the idea that luffy completely fell for pudding because she started sweet talking about his cook and promised to bring sanji back to them is so funny. pudding started gushing about how cool and cute and charming sanji is and how she is kinda in love with him and luffy went 'omgggggg she gets me AND sanji no way is she lying :D'
#sanji and luffy as people who can sniff out others real intentions and feelings both completely trusting pudding#like cmon#sanji atleast was emotionally compromised but luffy? of all people#lusan#one piece#t.txt#sanji#luffy
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#jedi fallen order#jedi fallen order 2019#my videos#I loved small instances like this in the game that showed how skilled Cal was as a jedi#he may have been a generic jedi but he’s easily parrying and keeping his cool#he’s taking on a jedi master turned sith with Ease#meanwhile malicos (while being a legit threat) has Two Sabers and struggles to keep up#i feel like the reason why trilla ran circles around cal is because both of them were emotionally compromised#when cal gets serious he defeats her quickly lol
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What if...Kingsley starts to get flickers of memories from Lucien's childhood, slipping in and out of dreams. What if King...remembers setting fire to the family caravan? Can still feel himself choking on the ash and smoke, can still hear his parents' voices? King starting to wake screaming from nightmares of burning flames, just like Lucien for all those years.
What if Caleb sees the all too familiar signs, the way King just loses himself for a moment when he feels the searing heat of his blood rite.
What if...the first time Caleb actually tells Kingsley about his past, it's to help comfort King over his own--
#sorry#thought about kingsley tealeaf and caleb again and once more became emotionally compromised--#the narrative parallels...the mirrored pasts and scars...the way tealeaf and caleb have both tried so hard to save each other--
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Oh my god this event is custom-designed to crush me isn't it? Two of my favorite routes, and more peeks inside their heads during it???
#ikemen genjiden#ikegen#ikegen kurama#ikegen yasuchika#when i say no ikemen route has made me sob the way Yasuchika's did i am not exaggerating#but both these routes had me severely emotionally compromised 😭
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I finished Mysterious Lotus Casebook and OMG AHHHHHH FEEELINGS!!!!!
I don’t want to spoil anything about it here, but if anyone wants to flail in feelings about the ending with me, send me a message!
#mysterious lotus casebook#mysterious lotus casebook spoilers#I am emotionally compromised#I am so lucky both my evening activities were cancelled tonight#so I can get sufficientlylargen caught up#and then start writing all the fanfic
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finally got around to doing the dark knight questline (to level 50 anyway. are there more after that???? i know dragoon got a bit more but. im Uncertain on literally every other class) and like. what he hell am i supposed to do with myself after that
#ff14#stop talking to yourself flight#spoilers beyond this tag warning:#people told me the dark knight questline was good but OH BOY IS IT FUCKING GOOD#IM LIKE. EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED#TFW THE GAME TAKES YOU BY THE SHOULDERS AND GOES 'maybe your dark side is right actually.'#'maybe you need to say no sometimes. maybe you shouldn't let everyone walk all over you'#BUT AT THE SAME TIME. YOU CANNOT STOP BEING YOU. YOU CANNOT STOP TRYING#there are two wolves inside you. one wants to protect and make people happy. the other wants you to take care of yourself#(theyre both still gay)
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Details That Convey Intimacy
Developing fictional relationships that feel authentic takes more than dialogue and grand gestures. Every detail below can be used to show platonic, familial, agape, or romantic love depending on context.
cooking a meal for someone, bringing them food, or spontaneously sharing a snack
sharing body heat/warming someone with outerwear like jackets and scarves
fanning them with something if overheated
getting a cold/hot drink for them
offering to carry something, whether it's heavy or just a jacket, to lighten someone's load or free up their hands
more below the click!
changing the subject of a group conversation that will be personally discomforting to someone in the group
making sure to include someone in a group conversation, especially if it's a topic they have special knowledge of
waiting for someone to catch up when the rest of the group has walked ahead
remembering preferences/allergies ahead of time when preparing/ordering food
planning trips, whether in a pair or as a group, that provide something positive for every individual to enjoy
procuring personal healthcare items like sunscreen, moisturizer, lip balm, pain relievers, or a snack and keeping them on hand for that friend who frequently needs them
making room for someone in a crowded vehicle or on public transit
making room for someone under an awning or in another limited space to help them avoid bad weather
warning or wordlessly covering for someone with a wardrobe/cosmetic malfunction
remembering a small luxury someone mentioned they enjoy, and getting it for them the next time it's convenient
running an errand for someone to make their day easier ('importance of errand : depth of relationship' ratio should be explored)
escorting someone to safety in a sudden unsettling event
escorting someone who is drunk, sick, infirm, injured, or emotionally compromised
asking if light, noise, or other sensory factors are bothering someone and taking steps to make them more comfortable
getting gag gifts for someone to show you reciprocate their sense of humor or quirky self-expression (not everyone does this, not everyone appreciates it, and some people predominantly express love through humor and gag gifts; works well with some characters more than others)
holding someone's hand or arm as reassurance, especially when they are afraid*
using their body to block someone from wind, rain, or heat
picking up a dropped item, or carrying a train or other dragging garment for someone else
returning a recognizable possession to someone who may have lost it
This is an inexhaustible list as humans have many ways of showing love for each other. If you are writing spec fic with non-human characters, you can play with variations on these by remembering three core values the "lover" has to consider:
physical comfort of others
emotional comfort of others
social reputation of others
I'd add "sensory comfort" though I think it's tied to physical and emotional comfort.
Please do not try and force any of these into the mold of the misogyny-based "Love Language" trend. Human emotions and expressions of love are diverse and endless.
*While hand holding can be construed as romantic, in reality it varies. Some cultures do not see this as romantic, and some individuals only mean it as a sign of support or compassion. Same goes for long embraces and kissing, both can be done platonically and of course naturally between close family members or friends.
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#writing#writing tips#writeblr#writing love#romance#character development#character creation#writing blog#writing advice#writing help#writing ideas#og#writing prompts
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30 Seconds
triathlon!Aaron Hotchner x fleabag!reader Genre: SMUT, pre-relationship mutual pining and just a touch of ♫ LOATHING, UNADULTERATED LOATHING ♫ Summary: You text the hot swim dad for legal help. He shows up in khakis. You try to behave. You fail. He's accidentally jealous of your date, you accidentally grind on his lap, he finishes in his pants, and somehow it’s the most romantic thing that’s ever happened to you. Warnings: SMUT MDNI (heavy makeout, dry humping and *sighs* Aaron creams his pants for just that... the title is descriptive enough), age gap, cuss words, hint of the vile act of female masturbation *pearl clutch*, objectification of the Hotchner body Word Count: 4.9k (damn gurl) Dado's Corner: Based on this request! And... um... full disclosure... I added the glasses part solely because of the cat pic sent by @hotchology, who said this ginger furball is how they imagine Hotch in glasses (LOOK HOW CUUUTE)
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Everything showers.
A sacred rite of modern womanhood.
Takes minimum two geological eras to complete, consumes half the planet’s fresh water, and must be repeated often to remain an eligible mating partner.
Because that’s the whole point of being a woman, isn’t it? To be clean, hairless, glowing, and vaguely vanilla-scented - just fuckable enough for men who think 3-in-1 shampoo counts as skincare.
The concept of an everything shower is… layered. Part hygiene. Part penance. Part psychological rebirth. A full-body cleanse for the sins you haven’t committed yet.
You’ve done them before first dates. Before almost-dates. Before parties, dick appointments, emotional breakdowns, and that one Tuesday when you just needed to check in on her-
(Her. Down there.)
Once, you even did one before visiting your mother. (Unclear whether that was for survival or atonement. Maybe both.)
But never - not even in your darkest, most masochistic imagination - did you think you’d be doing one because of an eviction notice.
Not until today.
Because Aaron Hotchner - a man who should be both physically and emotionally unavailable due to his very, very, veeeery important job saving the world - is apparently not unavailable.
Not when it matters.
Not when it’s least convenient for your nervous system.
…The irony.
All it took was one stupid text. A momentary lapse in dignity. Something he’d probably refer to as “compromised judgment.”
do you happen to know a very cheap lawyer asking for a friend
And instead of his usual three-to-five-business-days reply time, he hits you with:
aaron hotchner (work, no nudes): Are you at home now? – A.H.
And now you’re just a bit overthinking… because how does he know that?
Did the FBI install a secret camera in your pothos plant? Does he have access to some satellite heat map of your apartment? Has he been watching your window? A camera in the air vent?
(Has he seen you trying out that new clear dildo in front of the mirror for “science”?)
(The one time you tried doing yoga and got stuck in child's pose for 40 minutes?)
You don’t know. You don’t want to know.
All you do know is that you are currently fully naked, shaving for a man who:
Has no idea he’s being shaved for, while you’re on speakerphone with him, as he gets closer and closer to your building block because he invited himself into your private space and-
Would absolutely turn around and disappear if he ever caught even a hint of cucumber-scented shaving cream (you borrowed from your roommate) and realized you'd… prepared for him.
Because your “just in case” implies premeditation. And premeditation implies intention. And intention? Intention is basically foreplay.
And foreplay is strictly prohibited outside the sanctity of marriage, a psychological clearance form, and at least three signed affidavits from HR.
He would enter WITSEC on the spot. Change his name. Grow a beard.
(Hot.)
“What’s happening? Are you alright?”
He concernedly asks over the phone - totally unaware (definitely unaware) that every time he checks in on you, he’s poking your very well-buried, very latent daddy issues with a stick.
(Or maybe he keeps asking because he’s the one with daddy issues. Very obvious ones. That classic parented-child energy. Raised himself on black coffee, moral obligation and emotional regret.)
What a match, really. You get off on being cared for, and he gets off on taking care of people he’ll never emotionally open up to.
Soulmates.
Anyway-
“So… my landlord is an asshole and I really hope he gets some very painful hemor-”
Mr. FBI has the audacity to call you by your full legal name before cutting you off with, “This call is being recorded. I’d appreciate it if you refrained from making…” he even pauses, searching for the most delicate phrasing. Because God forbid he doesn’t sound like a morally burdened Disney princess. “explicit threats.”
Oh, you’d appreciate a few things too. Like having his actual number and not the one issued by the United States Government - so you wouldn’t have to worry about scandalizing some poor technical analyst who’ll be forced to transcribe this call word-for-word the second they find his body in a ditch and trace it back to you.
(“Exhibit B: She said, quote, ‘I hope he gets some very painful hemor.’”)
…But you’re not as childish as him to complain about that.
“My bad.”
“It’s alright.” (Can he please stop talking like this?)
“Yeah… I-” Your voice trips. Your face is hot. Your entire body is hotter. “The thing is-”
“I’m listening.” Oh, fuck him. (Please.)
“In short: the building’s falling apart. We’ve been emailing the guy for weeks, complaining, begging, threatening – nicely - and either he forgets to reply or says he’ll fix it and then doesn’t. It’s been an eternity and he still hasn’t done a single fuc-”
Recorded line. Recorded line. God forbid the man has a seizure because of you. “-thing.”
You hear a chuckle on the other end.
You hate phone calls.
You’d choke him if he weren’t safely boxed inside a moving vehicle.
“I said threats. You can curse. I’m not ten.” Oh, he’s smiling. You can hear it. The smug bastard.
“Oh, that I noticed.”
You love phone calls.
If he were here, he would've already hit you with one of those signature stares - intended to intimidate, but really just making you want to lick the corner of his mouth out of pure spite.
But look at you. Free. Untouchable. Doing amazing.
“The thing is, I didn’t pay rent this month. Because they’re still ignoring the repairs. And now they’re threatening to evict me if I don’t pay.”
“That’s retaliatory. It’s illegal.”
“Wait… you’re telling me I’m not screwed?”
“No, they are. You withheld payment due to unaddressed health and safety violations. That’s protected under landlord-tenant statutes,” he says, suddenly shifting into full legalese, something-something code 572, subsection blah-blah, tenant rights, lease clauses-
You don’t hear any of it. Actually, the very second he started speaking fluent Law Daddy, , your brain slammed the emergency brake to focus on the real crisis:
What the fuck are you going to wear.
“Document everything-“
Lace? Bold choice, but post-shave? Masochism. Granny cotton briefs? He’ll never look at you again.
“Photos.”
Tight top, no bra? Risky.
What if he hugs you and feels how obnoxiously hard your nipples are?
(He’s not a hugger. He doesn’t seem like a hugger. Right?)
(Right??)
(But what if he is today?)
(What if he walks in, sees you - top clinging, no heating - and suddenly decides: You know what? Now’s the time. Now’s the moment I become a hugger. Just for her. Just this once. Just to pull her in close, pretend it’s chaste, press his palm between her shoulder blades and - oh fuck - realize it’s not.)
(What if he hugs you and feels it?)
(What if he hugs you and keeps hugging you?)
(What if he grips tighter, his hand slides just a little lower, and his voice does too, right by your ear - “You’re not wearing a bra.”)
(“Neither are you, sir.”)
(And what if that hug turns into a grind, into his thigh between your legs, into lift me onto the kitchen counter and show me what else you know about tenancy law.)
“Emails.”
Loose top, skimpy bottoms? Slutty. Strategic. Respectable slutty. He’d stare at your legs all night.
(He wouldn’t. But you’d know. Which is worse.)
You should lather in coconut oil, just in case.
You should lather in coconut oil anyway – hydration is important to avoid ingrowns (and yes, to smell edible too.)
“Timestamps.”
Tight top, no bra, skimpy bottoms? Too much? Too “I can’t pay the plumber, but maybe I can offer something else...”
(Not that you’ve watched those. Obviously. You’re just… aware of the trope.)
(Not because you spent 30 minutes the other night trying to find the perfect one. And then another 10 skipping the plot because it was too unrealistic, there’s no way the plumber just happens to have lube.)
(Not that you wouldn’t do it for him. But you’re also not going to lower yourself to being a badly lit, lazily scripted fantasy for the male gaze.)
“…If you haven’t already, I’d recommend drafting a written complaint.”
“…Aaron, I don’t even know where to start,” you mutter. “That’s why I asked if you knew a very cheap lawyer.”
“I’m the very cheap lawyer.” For some reason he chuckles, probably it’s because of his own joke, “Don’t worry, we’ll do it together, I’ll be there in fifteen.”
He is not there in fifteen.
He’s “there” after fourty-eight minutes - flustered, apologizing, muttering something about I-395 and a jackknifed delivery truck, which is just adorable, really, coming from a man who’s clearly never taken the bus in heels while bleeding through his jeans, juggling three leaking Trader Joe’s bags, and re-evaluating every life decision since birth.
He’s grumbling about “infrastructure,” all furrowed brows and moral outrage. How sweet.
You, meanwhile, are Frenching the entire Department of Transportation.
You are giving gridlock the kind of wet, eye-contact blowjob that wins awards - because, for once in your adult life, the universe delayed a man just long enough for you to become a person.
Thirty-eight glorious minutes to shave, moisturize, hide the evidence of your emotional instability, light a candle, panic about the candle (too much?), blow it out, light it again (fuck it), rearrange your throw pillows, Febreze your loveseat, and clean your floors so well you briefly consider serving dinner off them - or yourself.
(Also enough time to change outfits four times, reject each one violently, and land on something that screams “Oh, this? Just threw it on,” while whispering: “I shaved everything.”)
You’ve never been more grateful for civic failure.
You look good. Your apartment looks good. You know it smells amazing in here. You know it. You can feel the Pine-Sol particles sparkling off the hardwood.
Any second now, he’s going to say something about it.
He’s going to inhale – deeply - and ask what detergent you use. Compliment your lavender baseboards.
You can feel it coming. You’re ready. You smile. You bask.
Aaron sets down his bag. Unclips it. Opens it. Looks up.
“I printed out the tenancy statutes,” he says, already pulling out an aggressively highlighted stack of documents from the briefcase.
And this would be impressive - should be impressive - if he weren’t wearing a plain black T-shirt that is doing things to his arms. And the khakis. Fucking khakis.
The most indecently decent pants in the entire male wardrobe.
They whisper "suburban dad," but scream "accidental bulge in soft daylight."
Speaking of which, unfortunately, your apartment lighting has never worked harder - midday golden-hour haze bouncing off every freshly scrubbed surface, casting soft shadows and sensual gleam until finally it settles on The Situation.
…Shit.
(Do not look at it.)
(Do not acknowledge it.)
(Do not mentally calculate whether that’s just the way his pants fold or if that’s his dick pressed against the zipper like it also has a clause to deliver.)
(Do notice, however, that he still hasn’t said a single word about how nice your apartment looks. Rude.)
“I flagged the key violations and I added notes on a recent amendment that strengthens your case - you can reference it in your response letter.” His eyes scan the room clearing it for hostiles - except all he really sees is your loveseat. Small. Soft. Close.
And you, in a tank top.
He clears his throat. Adjusts the folder. His gaze flicks back to you – quick, sharp, and immediately redirected to something safer, like the floor.
“Where… should we get set up?” he asks, like he hasn’t already mentally measured the loveseat twice, logged its exact dimensions in his brain, and is currently laser-eyeing the very cushion he’s dying – dreading - to sit on.
“Oh, I don’t know… wherever you’re comfortable.”
He nods - just a touch too seriously - then hesitates. Again. Checks one more time, with those painfully polite eyes: Can I...? Is it alright if...?
(…As if you might suddenly revoke loveseat privileges.)
Then, slowly, he lowers himself onto the cushion. Perches. Occupies the absolute minimum amount of space humanly possible.
If he still had the joint mobility of his youth, you’re convinced he’d just origami himself into a respectful little one-inch cube and tuck into the far corner.
You glance at his shoulders - very broad, deliciously broad, yes - tense, but more at how hard he’s trying not to brush them against yours. What a funny man.
Especially funny because while he's typing up your official letter - like a good little lawyer - he's also letting the conversation drift into a completely unrelated side street.
Unrelated except for the fact that it's all about you.
Like how he “casually” mentions he hasn’t seen you at the pool lately.
The one where he trains and you sit in a cracked plastic cafeteria chair pretending to wait for your friend’s aquatic therapy - when really, you’re mourning every second you’re not legally tethered to the hot dad at swim practice. The hot dad who doesn’t even know he’s the hot dad. (Him. Obviously.)
You go for your friend. Technically.
Spoiler: she’s got two weeks left.
Which means once her sessions are over, you and Aaron will have absolutely no logical reason to ever speak again. No built-in excuse. No default setting.
And now there’s a looming, mutual thing neither of you are acknowledging.
You’re sure there’s a term for this. Something about large mammals afraid of mice and metaphor.
“Yeah, I was in the lane next to your friend’s the other day…” he starts.
“Really?” You pretend you didn’t get fourteen missed calls from said friend, who - when you finally called her back - didn’t even say hi. Just launched straight into: “Burgundy swim cap guy looked up at your seat three times. Three. He looked so sad you weren’t there I had to explain where you were so he wouldn’t drown in longing.”
“Yes… we talked for a bit. She seems very nice…”
Ah.
Interesting choice of words, considering she told you – verbatim - “I can’t believe someone built like a brick shithouse could be that pathetic.”
(She has yet to understand that that is the whole appeal. Him. And that exact contradiction. Him and that-)
“So… how did… your date go?” he asks, pretending to be casual. He’s polishing his glasses against the hem of his shirt, even though they’re already spotless. (You weren’t even aware he needed glasses. Probably neither is the rest of the planet.)
He keeps at it. Rubs one lens. Then the other. Then back again.
You wonder if he’s trying to distract himself. From the question. From the answer.
Your date.
The one that made you miss your friend's call. The one you actually went on. The one that-
“It went well, actually.” It did. Way too well. And that’s the problem.
Because you keep chasing Aaron.
Despite the very obvious fact that nothing will ever happen between you. Because he’s… well, him. And you’re…
A little too young. A little too broke. A little too you.
(And technically if you do the math, you’re closer to his son’s age than his. Just by a few years, sure, but still. Still enough to justify it to yourself out loud, then say it again. And again. Until it starts sounding like a fact.)
It’s just a harmless crush. A stupid little thing. A flicker. A fantasy. A hobby, really.
You have so many of those - men. Smart, emotionally unavailable, vaguely haunted. You collect them like parking tickets: Useless. Repetitive. Always showing up when you least need them. But you keep them. Stack them in a drawer somewhere in your head.
Just in case.
Still, there’s something about this one.
About him.
Aaron.
Aaron in wireframe glasses, almost making you believe in the higher powers he believes in too. (Hopefully not the United States government.)
Aaron with that voice, that jaw, that posture.
Aaron, who says things like “landlord-tenant statute” and somehow makes it sound better than the poetry in those overpriced, niche little books you only buy for the cover, the ones where the author hits enter every four words so it tricks you into thinking they mean something.
And maybe – deep, deep down – it’s because you want to be proven wrong. That someone like him could find goodness in parts of you you’ve already declared a lost cause. That he could look at all the rot and still see something worth saving. Or maybe it’s just easier. Easier to chase something you’ll never catch than turn around and face the things already standing still, arms open, waiting to love you back.
“I’m glad to hear that,” says Deliciously Four-Eyed Aaron, just a little too tight. Tighter than his khakis, which shift and pull every time he readjusts to keep from getting a flat ass on your loveseat.
(What’s wrong, Agent Hotchner? Not expecting it to actually go well? God, you hope that’s why his jaw looks like it’s about to file for divorce from the rest of his face.)
“I don’t know him well,” he adds, clinically. “But… he seems like a nice guy. He’s good at his job.”
Right. Which is rich, coming from the man who literally handed you the guy’s number. And now he’s playing coy?
So what was that, then? A random act of kindness? A stroke of pity? Was it projection? Was it a fever dream?
Did he just reach into the FBI rolodex and go: “Hmm. You’re not under disciplinary review, you own slacks, and your blood pressure is normal. Here, date this emotionally volatile woman I know and I think you might like - she has opinions and abandonment issues, enjoy!
Because Aaron doesn’t do spontaneous. Aaron does strategic. Aaron does 48-hour surveillance and triple-signed documents.
He’s not the guy who improvises. He’s the guy who rehearses his improvisation.
So forgive you if you’re just a little confused by Mr. Times New Roman over here, trying to mentally trace the logic that gets you from “I barely know him” to “you should definitely let him finger you. Only after marriage, though.”
It’s weird. And yet, somehow, that’s not even the most annoying part.
“Good at his job?” you echo, with a laugh that sounds way too close to a cry for help. (Of course. Of course that’s Special Supervising Whatever-the-Fuck Hotchner’s metric for male compatibility. Not empathy. Not emotional availability. Not even basic social literacy. No, job performance. What a catch.) “What are you going to say next, that he’s a good person because he clocks in early and doesn’t steal breakroom coffee?”
“Well,” he says, adjusting his glasses that did not need adjusting, “I can’t vouch for the coffee. But I do see him arrive on time. From my office. If that’s what’s concerning you.”
…Oh. So that’s what this is. We’re flexing now.
Mr. I Have A Window. Mr. I Oversee The Peasants. Mr. Private Office While Everyone Else Plays Hot-Desk Musical Chairs. Mr. Title, Tenure, and a Chair That Supports Both His Spine and His Reluctance to Feel. Mr. I Deserve This Square Footage Because I Ruined My Marriage for the Federal Government.
(You could go on. And on. And on. You won’t. But you could.)
And it’s not even clear who he’s trying to one-up here. The guy he set you up with? Or… you? Both?
Like, “Yes, he’s punctual. Yes, he’s nice. Yes, he’s good at his job. But I define what good is. I’m his boss. Be impressed by me instead. Please. I beg you.”
Okay. Breathe. Relax.
No one invited him to a pissing contest and yet here he is, unzipping his intellectual fly right in the middle of your living room. (Not the fly you wanted unzipped, unfortunately.)
You squint at him. “So what, you show up before everyone else just to watch your little ducklings waddle in behind you? Mother Goose clocking in before sunrise to lead by example and assert dominance?”
He turns toward you. Tilts his head. Makes that face. The one you’ve been craving since the second he walked in.
Eyebrows drawn, mouth slightly open - just enough to spot that one crooked tooth, bless it - an expression that says concerned, confused, and disappointed in your tone, all in one.
“It’s none of that,” he’s dead serious, even if he’s visibly smiling… marvelous. “It’s just respectful to be on time.”
Sure, Agent Hotchner. Tell yourself that while polishing your Employee of the Decade plaque.
“I barely even see my boss at the café. Twice a week, tops. And only after we open.”
Aaron lifts his eyebrows. Shrugs. “I’m not an asshole.”
Then he goes back to typing, pretending he’s not biting the inside of his cheek like the whole thing didn’t get to him.
Like he’s completely unbothered by the idea of some man buying you coffee and making you laugh for two full hours.
Like his knuckles aren’t just a little too tight around that trackpad.
“You know, for someone who just said he’s not an asshole, you sure spend a lot of time trying to prove how much better you are than other men.”
“I’m not trying to prove anything,” he says, softly. Too softly. Like he knows volume would give him away.
And fuck, those eyes.
You can’t look at them too long. You bounce between his face and anything else - your coffee table, the printout, his lap (unfortunately) - because those glasses are giving him four eyes now, and all of them are aimed at your skull, dissecting every micro-expression.
He's a bit suffocating.
“I think what really bothers you,” he says, measured, "is that you’re used to being misread."
You scoff. “Excuse me?” (Bitch.)
"You act like you want to be chased, but only if it feels reluctant. If it's earned. You push people to see if they’ll push back. You turn it into a game because it’s safer that way. If it’s a game, you can pretend you were never serious when they walk away."
Well. Okay. First of all: Rude.
Second of all: Accurate. Horribly accurate.
But also: How dare he.
"And if they don't... if they try to meet you where you are... you push them away first. Just to prove you were right to be afraid" he says - and the bastard even smiles. (Fuck his dimples. Really. Pretentious as hell.) "You punish them for it… and you punish the ones who don’t play, too. Because deep down, you still don’t know which would hurt more."
"Wow," you never thought you'd actually be speechless, and yet - here you are, scrambling for a comeback. Great. "Good thing you said you weren’t trying to prove anything. Otherwise I might’ve gotten confused and assumed you were just showing off." (Good enough. You’ll take it.)
Smarty-pants chuckles under his breath then leans back against your very professional, very structurally unsound loveseat. His knee brushes yours.
You pretend not to notice. He pretends he doesn’t notice you noticing.
"Not showing off, just telling you what you already know."
"Oh, right, because you’re such an expert on me."
"I’m just observant."
"And arrogant." And a fucking hypocrite too.
"And you still looked at my mouth twice." What a who-
Somewhere between your brain screaming full bitch slap, full bitch slap and your hand almost twitching to deliver it… you miscalculate.
You lean in. And instead of bruising his cheekbone, you crash your mouth against his.
Pride - and the stack of feminist books judging you from the bookshelf - insist it’s you who moves first. You believe them. You have to.
Even though his hands are already there - rough and steady, drowning your face in their grip - before you even finish breathing in your half-ounce of courage. Before you really even choose anything at all.
(But sure. Go ahead. Call it empowerment. You’re totally running the show. Girlboss shit.)
You want to bite him. Sink your teeth into that smug, diagnosing mouth. Split his lip. Make him bleed all over the living room he still hasn’t bothered to compliment the smell of. (You’re not petty about it… it’s just an observation.)
But it’s slower instead.
You taste his nerve first, his fear right after.
He’s already halfway to pulling back even as he keeps kissing you - trying to have it both ways - and for a second, you do break apart.
Both pretending you could still undo this. (And also undo all the bullshit he said earlier, profiling you so hard he didn’t even realize he was accidentally outing himself too.)
It doesn’t last.
You crash back into him, sloppier, mouths dragging, missing, gasping, half-kissing, half-clawing at each other as you’re both a little too desperate to land properly.
For a split second, the kiss turns... almost sweet. Tender. Romantic, even.
You could say he’s a good kisser.
You could say he’s a great kisser.
You could say he’s the only man alive who could kiss you stupid and still find a way to remind you to breathe through your nose.
(Like when he notices you getting lightheaded and somehow fixes it without even pulling away... which, not gonna lie, is a little humbling.)
But there’s no time for critical analysis. You’re already shoving him flat onto the loveseat, pinning him down, while he blinks up at you - wide-eyed, flushed, so beautiful it makes your chest hurt.
(And he looks so... concerned. As if he’s realizing just now that there’s absolutely no dignified way to get out of this alive.)
(Good. He shouldn’t.)
There’s tongue.
There’s teeth.
There’s his hands – everywhere - gripping your waist, sliding under your shirt, squeezing the backs of your thighs, pushing your leg higher over him until you can feel - Oh. Oh, he’s hard. He’s so fucking hard.
There’s a muffled noise from the back of his throat that sounds suspiciously like please and you are not thinking about that right now.
And it’s-
God.
It’s filthy. It’s great.
You grind down hard, whimpering shamelessly into his mouth, and he bucks up into you, meeting you halfway with both hands locked around your ass, squeezing so rough you’ll be wearing fingerprints by tomorrow.
(You hope so.)
(You really fucking hope so.)
He helps you move –
Up.
Down.
Slower.
Harder.
Guiding your hips with just enough pressure to make it feel like it’s your idea, finding the rhythm you didn’t know you needed until he gives it to you, forcing you to ride the thick, hard shape straining against his pants-
Just the right angle. Just the right friction.
So perfect it catches your clit every single time, knocks a gasp right out of your throat, straight into his mouth.
You’re soaking through your panties. You’re shaking with it. And it clearly gets to him - God, it wrecks him.
You can feel it - the way he tenses under you, the way his hands clutch harder at your ass, the way his cock throbs against you through the fabric like he’s just barely holding on.
He bites down on your bottom lip, rougher than you expect. Too rough for a man who apologizes when he says fuck.
He holds it between his teeth, sucks it – hard - humming low and filthy against your mouth, so obscene it makes your hips stutter.
Drop.
Just enough to let your soaked cunt drag across the swollen head of his cock.
And when you grind back, slower, tracing right along the thick ridge straining against his zipper, he chokes on a breath.
“God, fuck-”
It tears out of him, raw, as if he’s almost embarrassed by how much pleasure is tangled in it, by how stupidly sincere it comes out of his mouth.
(Also, thank God he didn’t reverse it. If he’d said “fuck, God,” instead, you’re pretty sure he would’ve stopped everything, dropped to his knees, and asked you to drive him to a confessional. Not even a metaphor - actual church. Actual guilt. Actual “forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”)
He tilts his head back, groaning, neck arching against the pillow - exposed, gorgeous - and you completely lose it.
Your tongue drags over his throat, chasing the pulse hammering under his skin, tracing your way back up to his mouth.
He’s so hot. He’s so good. He’s-
…terrified.
"I'm so sorry," he breathes, suddenly sitting up on his elbows. “I-”
He fumbles. He panics. He stands. Backs away from the couch. From you. Visibly blushing. Visibly mortified.
“I didn’t mean-“
He doesn’t finish the sentence...
…Because he finished in his pants instead.
Poor thing.
You should be a little cruel about it - he was an asshole earlier, after all - but you’re not quite mean enough to kick a wounded 6’2” puppy when he’s already limping. (No pun intended… or maybe-)
"Hey," you murmur, reaching out, curling your fingers around his wrist so he can’t backpedal any further. He flinches. (Not much. Just enough to make you want to kiss him again. Harder this time. Until he flinches worse.)
"It’s okay. It’s-" You almost say sweet - catch yourself just in time, because you’re not trying to get murdered tonight.
"It’s normal," you settle on instead. "It’s flattering. Honestly.” (Also kind of hot. But you’ll take that particular confession to your grave.) “You didn’t... ruin anything."
He still doesn’t look convinced. At all. In fact, he looks like he might apologize again, maybe even draft a formal statement and notarize it.
You scramble. “It’s not a big deal, seriously. Who cares if it was-” (You hesitate for half a second, fatal mistake.) "-like, 30 seconds? Could've been 29, right?!”
…Right.
taglist: @beata1108 ; @c-losur3 ; @fangirlunknown ; @goorgeousz ; @hayleym1234 ; @ignoreeeeeee ; @justyourusualash ; @khxna ; @kyrathekiller ; @littlemisskavities ; @lostinwonderland314 ; @mmmunson ; @mxblobby ; @nikt-wazny-y ; @oxforce ; @percysley ; @person-005 ; @prettybaby-reid ; @reidfile ; @royalestrellas ; @ssa-callahan ; @softtdaisy ; @softestqueeen ; @thatkidofwarandpeace ; @theseerbetweenus ; @todorokishoe24 ; @who-needs-to-sleep
(I might've missed someone this time, pls tell me in the comments if your name got lost AAAA sorry in advance)
Little reminder that the requests for fleabag!reader are open!! Ok.. I'll go now. Bye.
#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner x reader#hotch x reader#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner smut#aaron hotchner x reader smut#aaron hotchner imagine#hotch#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds#fleabag!reader#aaron hotchner creams his pants#aaron hotchner profile my c*** next
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Navigation : midnight records! the starlight EP! haikyuu EP!
── .✦ "IWAIZUMI HAJIME VS. WEDDING" — iwaizumi hajime
a/n : sorry for being inactive!! finally found motivation to write for haikyuu content : post timeskip. iwa crashing out. pre wedding. he’s so in love. seijoh 4. fluff. crack.
Iwaizumi Hajime doesn’t spiral.
He doesn’t pace. Doesn’t panic. Doesn’t start talking just to fill space. He’s the one people lean on. The level-headed one during a crisis.
Which is exactly why the Seijoh 4 are now watching him like he’s a science experiment gone wrong. The groom’s waiting room is too quiet. Tense. The kind of quiet that happens before someone snaps.
Oikawa, back from Argentina just for the wedding, sips sparkling water with the smugness of someone who saw this coming. Matsukawa is filming. Hanamaki looks both entertained and slightly afraid.
And our dear Iwaizumi paces. Mutters something to himself. Then—without warning—drops to the floor and starts doing push-ups in his suit.
Everyone stares.
"Everybody stay calm, he’s spiraling,” Matsukawa says.
“He doesn’t spiral,” Hanamaki replies, blinking. “I’ve never seen him spiral. This feels illegal.”
“I once saw Iwa-chan roll his ankle and tell me to breathe,” Oikawa says, horrified. “This is terrifying.”
“I’m not spiraling,” Iwaizumi mutters, chest nearly kissing the floor. “I’m keeping my heart rate in check.”
Push-up. Push-up. Push-up
“I’m grounding myself. This is tactical. I am not emotionally compromised.”
Push-up.
“She’s gonna look like a goddess and I’m gonna forget how to breathe.”
“What was that?” Oikawa asks.
“I said I’m fine, Shittykawa.” Oikawa blinks. “You haven’t called me that since we were 18. Oh god, he’s malfunctioning.”
Iwaizumi keeps going. “She’s gonna smile. At me. In front of everyone. And I’m gonna cry. I know I’m gonna cry. I can already feel it. It’s sitting right here—” he gestures to his throat, “like a threat.”
He stops and lays flat on the floor. The silence is deafening. “I’ve never seen him like this,” Hanamaki whispers.
“He cried when she said yes, didn’t he?” Matsukawa murmurs. “This is stage two.”
“I didn’t cry,” Iwaizumi says flatly. “I teared up. Briefly.”
“You FaceTimed me,” Oikawa adds. “There were tissues involved.”
“I was sick.”
”You were sniffling,” Oikawa corrects.
“It was February.”
Iwaizumi sits up slowly. “She’s gonna be in a dress. With her hair done. And makeup. She’s gonna walk toward me like she means it and I’m gonna stand there looking like I forgot how knees work. And then I’ll cry. And then she’ll cry. And I’ll ruin everything.”
Oikawa kneels and hands him a water bottle like it’s an offering to a storm god. “You’re in love. That’s not ruining anything.”
“I’m so in love,” Iwaizumi whispers, like a confession. “It’s making me physically ill.”
Hanamaki just nods. “That tracks. We’ve been waiting years for your emotional constipation to catch up.”
“Push-ups aren’t fixing it,” Matsukawa adds. “Try burpees.”
“I will throw up on your shoes.”
There was a knock on the door: “Five minutes.”
Iwaizumi stands. Adjusts his suit. Rolls his shoulders like he’s heading into combat. “I’m marrying my girl. My terrifying, gorgeous, brilliant girl.”
He turns to them, solemn.
“If I cry—don’t say anything.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Hanamaki says.
“If I pass out—don’t catch me.”
“You’re gonna cry in, like, thirty seconds,” Matsukawa grins. “But you’re gonna look shredded in the photos.”
“I better.”
2025 © NANASRKIVES. / do not copy, repost, edit, plagiarize, or translate any of my works on any platforms, including ai.
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Things to focus on/develop ~ astro observations ✨
Moon in 8th house - emotional self-sufficiency; being your biggest emotional support; letting go of old resentments, attachments and learning to move on; learning to channel your emotions through art/journaling/cooking etc.
Gemini Sun - being constant, reliable, true to your word;being honest and not lying/twisting facts; being there physically and emotionally for people you love; less over-explaining and quarreling;
Libra Moon - learning to make decisions by and for themselves; so many times I see these people always asking for advice on what to do or struggling to make decisions even when it comes to important things in their life; also learning to speak your mind instead of letting emotions build up inside you and acting all passive-aggressive; it’s okay not to agree just let us know;
Leo ascendant - and always wanting to appear polished, put-together, perfect. Lots of emphasis on being clean, well-dressed and having nice hair. Sometimes it’s okay to tone it down a notch. Many imperfections about yourself are only in your mind, very few if anybody at all notices them; also you know what diplomacy is, I guess? Sometimes it’s better to reach an agreement/compromise than to relentlessly pursue your point of view. It’ll attract enmity on the long term and people finding subtle ways to put you down behind your back, just saying.
Virgo Mercury - learning to talk about how you feel and don’t always fret the small print; being vulnerable is not a weakness;
Stellium in 11th house (especially in air signs) - accept yourself first and foremost and stop trying to fit in with crowds; some people will always judge you and not like you. You’re good at being a social butterfly and it likely brings you benefits but don’t lose yourself in always gaining other people’s approval. It’s better to walk alone than constantly clinging to people who bring you down or are just not right for you.
Ascendant square Mercury/Mercury retrograde/3rd house Mercury(possibly) - take time to improve communication skills, it’ll serve you big time in the future. Don’t hurry when you talk and think it through before you say something. Don’t just blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind; it might come out messy. Don’t butt into conversations or try to dominate them. People won’t be more interested in what you are going to say, it’ll just reflect poorly on you.
Lilith-Venus aspects(especially the square)/Lilith-Moon hard aspects - don’t blindly trust women; this aspect is said to attract both admiration and jealousy from women. It adds extra charm to your appearance but can also spark enmity/bad intentions in others. Beware.
Moon-Jupiter aspects (especially square) - take care of your weight!! Make sure to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. There could be a tendency to put on weight. You’re a connoisseur of life and very curious person by nature so it makes sense you would like to try out new delicious food/beverages, but don’t give in to excess.
Sun opposite Moon - this aspect suggests a conflict between the Ego(Identity) and the emotional life of the native. Sometimes these people have zero clue what they are feeling and if you ask them they might just shrug. Or they might suppress their emotions in favor of their intelect/rational side. This can lead to big internal turmoil, crisis and even depression later on. My advice: don’t ignore what you feel. Speak about it or write it down. It’s important to at least be conscious of what is going on with your emotional life. Is it sadness/annoyance/boredom maybe a sense of relief? Whatever it is, write it down. It’ll make you feel better, I promise.
Sun in 5th house - you cannot make up your mind about who to be with, am I right? Many people attract you and make your heart flutter for different reasons. Your interest may be short-lived. You definitely love a nice figure, beautiful clothes and an “expensive-looking” appearance. Personality-wise you like a good sense of humor, a beautiful smile, solid social skills and if the said person is desired by many others, it might awaken your interest even more! My advice to you: make up your mind. Who is the person you truly want to be with? What is their personality like, their values, interests, life-goals? Will they align with yours? How will you be supporting each other along the way? Solve the conflicts that would arise? Don’t get too picky or cocky though. Just as your chosen person will try to be the best they can be, you shouldn’t succumb to laziness, complacency either. Nobody is perfect. We got to do the best we can with what we have.
Virgo Moon - you’re way better and more than you ever give yourself credit for. Be proud of your accomplishments and all those times where you persevered when everything seemed to be going wrong and you couldn’t see the light. You’re a hard-working, very resilient and pragmatic person. You likely always help those in need especially your family/friends/acquaintances. They’ve always got somebody they can rely on to give them a car ride for example or cook them delicious food. Life is not always black and white and you’re certainly not the loser you might sometimes think you are. If only you could see the beauty I and other people can see in you!
Chart ruler in 12th house - oh boy, this one is quite annoying at times. People might just simply ignore your presence and not willingly. It’s like you somehow manage to blend into the background. Not one time have I heard people going “You’re here? I really haven’t noticed.” And it is not said with bad intentions. Your presence is calm, a little mellow and blends in easily with any crowd. Maybe you could be a spy? Just saying XD
The point with this placement (especially if you have many aspects to your Mercury, particularly the square) is to be patient! Do not raise your voice or butt into conversations you are not welcomed in. Wait to be invited, stay silent or better yet: leave. If it’s done repeatedly by the same group of people it’s not longer unintentional.
Also - protect your energy and make sure you sleep 8-10 hours. It might be that you tire easily, are susceptible to other’s energy, feel it when somebody is ill or suffering. You’re sensitive and probably empathetic to boot (regardless of other positions in your chart). Make sure you don’t overexert yourself or let others take advantage of your sensitive side.
Chiron conjunct Midhaven - it might actually be healthy and recommended for you to work! Especially if it’s the kind of job that suits you and that you find satisfaction in. With this aspect it’s possible that not having a goal/career will make you feel aimless/confused/irritated. This aspect suggests an ambitious, driven and hard-working individual that might find much more in their career than satisfaction, purpose and money. They might also find healing. These people are likely to work in healthcare and dealing with other people’s ailments and emotional wounds. But instead of bringing them down, it is where they actually find their place. Especially in the sign of Capricorn, these people don’t wish to lead easy/privileged lives, but meaningful ones where they leave a legacy behind.
People typically trust them because they sense they are trustworthy and share their problems with them.
Venus in Aries - this is not talked about nearly enough. These folks are courageous and very devoted to their loved ones, to the point where they would do almost anything for them! Venus is not just about your love life but also about your feminine side, your values and self-worth, your sense of aesthetics, creative expression, wealth&comfort and social harmony. It’d be silly to narrow it down simply to one domain: your romantic life. Sure, it plays a significant role when it comes to the way you express and accept love, what appeals to you most but it not all that it is!
A Venus in Aries person makes a dynamic and gutsy friend somebody that would go on almost any adventure with you. They could be blunt but you can be sure they will always tell the truth. They will speak up for you when needed and they could be plenty generous.
The point with this placement is to not get carried away or be too pushy. Many people are simply not ready to be as bold and honest and unapologetic as you are. They might just be unsure, more skeptical, or have a different way of expressing their attention/affection. Don’t always put demands on them or assume dishonesty at the slightest disturbance.
Edit-completion to Venus in Aries.
Hope you guys enjoyed reading my post!! Please tell me what you think and let’s have a discussion 🤗🌟
#astro community#astro notes#astro observations#astrology#astrology placements#moon in astrology#8th house moon#8th house#gemini sun#libra moon#leo ascendant#virgo mercury#11th house#aquarius stellium#mercury aspects#mercury in astrology#mercury retrograde#3rd house#ascendant#lilith aspects#lilith in astrology#moon aspects#jupiter astrology#sun aspects#astrology aspects#5th house#chiron#aries venus#chart ruler#12th house placements
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Suddenly struck with a vision of Roy helping Tim get his ear pierced… vigilantes with piercings my beloved…
Something something Tim witnesses Roy’s attempted suicide via killer croc something something emotional adoption Tim with a bow
#just the idea of it is both so hot and so funny to me#it’d make it easier to see ties to their civilian identities… they’d get caught and torn out so easily#maybe it’s the gender envy speaking but I am a Roy with piercing truther#him and Jason#Tim would look good with an eyebrow piercing maybe?#he should emotionally compromise Roy into adopting a cat…#fic ideas#by ‘helping him get his ear pierced’ do I mean squeezing his hand while he gets it professionally done?#doing it himself with a sterilised needle?#who knows#rewritten speaks
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~~Juno In The Houses~~
Juno’s house placement in astrology shows where and how commitment, marriage, and long-term partnerships play out in your life. It reveals the area where you seek stability, loyalty, and a deep bond with another person.
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Juno in the 1st 🏡: Juno in the 1st house makes commitment and partnership a core part of your identity. Relationships play a significant role in shaping who you are, and you may feel most fulfilled when in a serious, long-term partnership. You likely seek a partner who reflects your personal ideals and complements your self-expression. Others may naturally see you as relationship-oriented, and commitment could come early in life or feel like a major theme throughout your journey. You may also attract partners who are strong-willed, independent, or who help define your sense of self. You may feel a strong pull toward partnership, but it’s important to ensure that you don’t lose your personal identity or compromise too much to fit into a relationship dynamic. Finding balance between self-expression and commitment is key to a fulfilling partnership.
Juno in the 2nd 🏡: Juno in the 2nd house indicates that stability, security, and shared values are essential in your committed relationships. You seek a partner who provides a sense of reliability—emotionally, financially, or both. Commitment for you is deeply tied to material security and long-term investment, whether that’s building wealth together, establishing a stable home, or simply knowing that your relationship is solid and dependable. Partners who are practical, financially responsible, or who help you feel grounded. There’s often a strong emphasis on loyalty and trust, as you need to feel that your partnership is steady and enduring. Placing too much focus on material security or staying in a relationship out of comfort rather than true emotional connection. Learning to balance security with emotional fulfillment will help you create a truly rewarding commitment.
Juno in the 3rd 🏡: Juno in the 3rd house emphasizes communication, intellectual connection, and shared ideas in committed relationships. You seek a partner who stimulates your mind, engages in deep conversations, and keeps things mentally exciting. A strong verbal or intellectual bond is essential for long-term commitment, and you may be drawn to someone who is curious, witty, or well-spoken. You might meet your partner through school, travel, or social networks, and relationships could involve a lot of movement, such as frequent travel or long-distance communication. A partnership that allows for learning, growth, and the exchange of ideas will be the most fulfilling for you. Juno in the 3rd house can be restlessness or a tendency to overanalyze relationships rather than fully feeling them. You may also struggle with scattered energy, needing variety to stay engaged. Finding a balance between intellectual stimulation and emotional depth, ensuring that your relationships are both mentally and emotionally fulfilling.
Juno in the 4th 🏡: Juno in the 4th house signifies a deep need for emotional security, family, and a strong home foundation in committed relationships. You seek a partner who makes you feel safe, nurtured, and at home—both emotionally and physically. Marriage or long-term commitment is often closely tied to building a family, creating a stable household, or finding someone who understands your deepest emotional needs. You may be drawn to partners who have strong family values, are protective, or provide a sense of belonging. A domestic, cozy, and emotionally intimate relationship is ideal for you. Your commitment style is deeply personal, and you likely invest a lot of energy into making your home and relationship feel like a sanctuary. Juno in the 4th house can be emotional dependency or holding onto relationships for the sake of comfort and familiarity, even when they no longer serve you. You may also need to heal childhood wounds or patterns before fully embracing a healthy commitment. A fulfilling partnership is creating a balance between emotional security and personal growth within the relationship.
Juno in the 5th 🏡: Juno in the 5th house seeks a passionate, romantic, and creative relationship. You desire a partner who brings joy, excitement, and self-expression into your life. Love for you should feel like an adventure—full of fun, playfulness, and a deep emotional connection that keeps the spark alive. Partners who are charismatic, artistic, or have a youthful energy. Romance is a major theme in your commitments, and you likely enjoy grand gestures, affectionate displays, and a sense of spontaneity in love. Creativity, shared hobbies, or even children could play a significant role in your long-term relationships. Juno in the 5th house can have a tendency to seek constant excitement in relationships. If things become too routine or serious, you may struggle with staying engaged. There can also be a need for validation through love. Balancing passion with stability, ensuring that romance remains alive while also allowing for depth and long-term emotional security.
Juno in the 6th 🏡: Juno in the 6th house indicates that commitment and partnership are closely tied to daily routines, service, and mutual support. You seek a relationship that is practical, dependable, and built on shared responsibilities. Acts of service and reliability are key love languages for you, and you may find fulfillment in a partnership where both people contribute to each other’s well-being in tangible ways. You may be drawn to partners who are hardworking, health-conscious, or have a strong sense of duty. Relationships may develop through work, health-related activities, or acts of service. A structured and organized partnership, where both partners help each other improve and grow, is ideal for you. Juno in the 6th house can be falling into a caretaker role or treating relationships too much like a duty rather than a source of joy. You might also overanalyze your partner or focus too much on practical matters instead of emotional connection. The key to a fulfilling commitment is balancing responsibility with love, ensuring that your relationship remains both supportive and emotionally nourishing.
Juno in the 7th 🏡: Juno in the 7th house is in its natural placement, emphasizing the importance of commitment, partnership, and marriage in your life. You are deeply relationship-oriented and seek a balanced, equal, and harmonious union. Long-term commitment is a major focus for you, and you may feel most fulfilled when in a serious partnership. You are likely drawn to partners who complement you, offering qualities that balance your own. Fairness, mutual respect, and strong communication are essential in your relationships. You also attract partners who are diplomatic, charming, or relationship-focused themselves. The challenge with Juno in the 7th house is the potential for dependence on relationships for a sense of identity or fulfillment. You may also struggle with people-pleasing or compromising too much to maintain harmony. The key to a successful commitment is finding a partner who supports your individuality while also creating a strong and equal partnership.
Juno in the 8th 🏡: Juno in the 8th house seeks deep, transformative, and intensely bonded relationships. Commitment for you is not just about partnership—it’s about merging souls, sharing resources, and experiencing profound emotional and physical intimacy. You crave a connection that is passionate, loyal, and built on trust, but also one that has the power to change you on a fundamental level. You may be drawn to partners who are intense, mysterious, or deeply emotional. Relationships can involve themes of power dynamics, shared finances, or psychological growth. Commitment for you often comes with major life transformations, and your ideal partnership is one where both you and your partner evolve together. Juno in the 8th house can have issues of control, jealousy, or fear of betrayal. You may have difficulty trusting fully or experience emotional extremes in relationships. Learning to balance intensity with emotional security, ensuring that passion doesn’t turn into power struggles and that love remains a source of healing and growth.
Juno in the 9th 🏡: Juno in the 9th house seeks a relationship that is expansive, adventurous, and intellectually stimulating. Commitment for you is about growth—whether through travel, philosophy, spirituality, or education. You are drawn to partners who broaden your horizons and challenge you to see the world in new ways. You may be attracted to people from different cultures, backgrounds, or belief systems. Long-distance relationships or partnerships that involve travel and exploration could be common. A deep philosophical or spiritual connection is important in your commitments, and you thrive in a relationship where you and your partner share a quest for knowledge and truth. Juno in the 9th house can be restlessness or have a fear of being tied down. You may struggle with commitment if it feels too restrictive, needing a partner who allows you freedom and personal growth. Finding someone who supports your adventurous spirit while also providing emotional depth and stability.
Juno in the 10th 🏡: Juno in the 10th house connects commitment and long-term partnerships to career, public image, and social status. You seek a relationship that is not only personally fulfilling but also aligns with your ambitions and goals. Marriage or commitment may play a significant role in your professional success, and you may be drawn to partners who are influential, respected, or career-driven. You are likely attracted to responsible, ambitious, and well-established individuals who help you build a strong future. Your relationship may be highly visible, and others might see you and your partner as a power couple. Commitment for you often involves shared goals, public recognition, or a sense of duty. You may feel pressure to choose a partner based on societal expectations rather than personal happiness. The key to a successful commitment is balancing ambition with emotional connection, ensuring that your relationship is both meaningful and supportive of your life goals.
Juno in the 11th 🏡: Juno in the 11th house seeks a partnership that is rooted in friendship, shared ideals, and a sense of community. You desire a relationship that allows for freedom, individuality, and mutual support in pursuing dreams and goals. Your ideal partner is someone who not only feels like a best friend but also aligns with your long-term vision for the future. You may be drawn to partners who are unconventional, progressive, or socially active. Relationships may develop through friendships, social networks, or shared causes. There can also be an element of uniqueness in your partnerships—whether through an unconventional relationship dynamic, a strong emphasis on personal freedom, or a bond that is built on shared humanitarian or intellectual interests. You may resist traditional commitment if it feels too limiting. Finding a partner who gives you both the freedom to be yourself and the deep emotional connection needed for a lasting commitment.
Juno in the 12th 🏡: Juno in the 12th house indicates a deeply spiritual, karmic, or hidden nature in relationships. Commitment for you is often tied to subconscious patterns, past-life connections, or a sense of destiny. You may attract or be drawn to relationships that feel fated, mysterious, or even secretive in some way. You may be drawn to partners who are deeply emotional, artistic, spiritual, or in need of healing. Relationships might involve sacrifice, secrecy, or a sense of surrender, and you may experience love in a deeply intuitive or almost telepathic way. There can also be a tendency to idealize your partner, seeing them through a romanticized lens rather than as they truly are. You may struggle with clarity in commitment or attract partners who are emotionally unavailable. Bringing subconscious patterns into awareness, setting healthy boundaries, and ensuring that love is both spiritually fulfilling and emotionally grounding.
#astro notes#astrology#birth chart#astro observations#astro community#astrology observations#astrology community#Juno
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Taint Misbehavin’: The Gender-Neutral Tragedy of the Human Gooch
Also known as: “Yes, Women Have Taints Too, Karen”
Let’s not dance around it.
Let’s not whisper like this is health class with a priest in the back row.
Let’s walk straight into the fleshy Bermuda Triangle and ask:
“Is the word ‘taint’ gender-specific?”
And by the end of this hellride, you’ll be spiritually aligned, anatomically educated, and emotionally compromised.
☠️ What Even Is a Taint?
Let’s get it out of the way:
Medical term: perineum
Street name: taint
Alias: gooch, grundle, the devil’s slip-n-slide, sin canal, the no-fly zone, the forbidden footpath
It’s the stretch of skin between your hoo-ha and your oh-no.
Between the exit wound and the splash zone.
Between your business and your past due notices.
In medical terms:
“The perineum is the area between the anus and the genitals.” In real terms: “The taint taint your genitals, and it taint your butthole.” Hence: taint.
It’s an anatomical gray area. A biological liminal space. A no-man’s-land paved in skin, sweat, and shame.
🧠 The Real Question:
“Do women have one?”
Yes.
Yes, they do.
Unequivocally. Universally. Unapologetically.
That smooth criminal between the peach and the portal?
That’s a taint.
Whether you’re packing meat or melons,
bulge or buffet,
beef curtain or bologna pony —
you got a taint.
🧬 But Isn’t “Taint” a Guy Thing?
Let’s be fair.
The term taint got famous via male-coded locker room vernacular.
It traveled in sweaty gym bags next to Axe body spray and bad decisions.
It’s been used in:
Xbox Live lobbies
Middle school roast battles
Joe Rogan monologues
Divorce court
Why?
Because it’s hilarious.
Say it out loud:
TAINT.
It hits like a cartoon punch.
It sounds dirty, but vague.
You can say it on TV but not in church.
But just because the culture gave the word to men…
Doesn’t mean the anatomy is exclusive.
🚺 Let’s Talk Female Taint
You know what else taint the butthole or the vag?
That smooth little fleshy runway between the two.
That’s right.
That’s the taint.
Scientifically? Still called the perineum.
But culturally?
We never branded it.
Never gave it a nickname.
Never gave it the comedic reverence it deserves.
So what happened?
Society failed the female taint.
📉 Cultural Bias: We Named Everything BUT the Taint
Let’s review:
Boobs: check
Butt: covered
Clit: overanalyzed
Labia: poetic if you're a feminist or an art student
Taint: absolute radio silence
It’s the only part of the female anatomy that hasn’t been objectified, hypersexualized, or used in a Billie Eilish metaphor.
And that’s the tragedy.
We gave the taint to men and let women walk around with an unclaimed flesh strip of mystery.
Not anymore.
💀 Taint Equality = True Equality
The taint is the only body part that:
Isn’t gendered
Isn’t politicized (yet)
Isn’t Instagrammable
Isn’t sacred
Isn’t slutty
Isn’t shamed
Isn’t holy
It’s just… there.
Raw. Unfiltered. Indifferent.
And that’s why it’s beautiful.
It taint one thing. It taint another.
It’s both. It’s neither. It’s us.
📚 Linguistic Warfare: Other Terms for the Taint (Unisex Edition)
Gooch
Grundle
Fleshbridge
Forbidden Fajita
The No-No Tundra
The UnderCooch
Devil’s Hallway
Sin Sled
Emotionless Alley
The Oathbreaker’s Strip
Let’s take back the language. Let’s name the female undercarriage.
Let’s democratize the grundle.
🧼 Taint Maintenance: Because Gender Don’t Matter When You Sweat
Male or female — taint funk is real.
That’s where:
Gym shorts go to die
Sweat turns into regret
Body wash loses its nerve
You don’t need a gender-specific care routine.
You need a loofah, some humility, and the knowledge that if your taint smells like old garlic knots, you’re the problem.
🥇 The Taint Test (For Equality Warriors)
Ask any feminist, activist, or gender studies professor:
❓ “Do women have a taint?” ❓ “Can we say gooch in a female context?” ❓ “If ‘taint’ only applies to men, are we guilty of linguistic patriarchy?” ❓ “Can you reclaim your power if you haven’t acknowledged the zone between zones?”
Watch the hesitation.
Because when it comes to taint talk, everyone’s a coward.
Not you.
You’re still reading.
You’re brave.
You believe in gooch equity.
🤯 TL;DR
“Taint” = slang for perineum, the strip of skin between genitals and butthole.
Scientifically accurate for both men and women.
Culturally, it’s been branded as male — but that’s a lie.
The female taint is real. Untouched. Sacred. Neglected. Powerful.
It’s time to stop acting like the perineum is a gendered mystery.
It taint male. It taint female. It’s humanity’s final frontier.
💣 CALL TO ACTION (You Know What Time It Is)
🔁 Reblog this before someone says “cisnormative taint privilege” unironically
🍑 Share if your gooch deserves more respect than your last situationship
🧽 Screenshot and send to someone who definitely forgot to wash theirs today
🫧 Repost this if you believe in full-body equality — from nipples to Netherrealm
⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER (BECAUSE TUMBLR SOFTIES LOVE TO SNIFF DRAMA):
This post is satire, commentary, anatomy education, performance art, literary disobedience, and a goddamn act of bravery.
It is protected under U.S. law, natural law, and the sacred covenant of locker room humor.
If this offends you, congrats — your gooch is probably neglected.
This post does not discriminate. It exfoliates.
Take a seat. Open a book. Scrub your taint.
We out here equalizing the perineum discourse with no apologies.
#TheMostHumble#writing#TaintResearcherWife#twitter#politics#dark academia#artists on tumblr#lesbian#tweets#us politics#dank memes#humor#meme#writing community#writers on tumblr#funny#jokes#feminism#GoochAwakening#lit
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