#they all suck. they've all always sucked. read a fucking book to find out more.

[buckybarnesss]

i live in florida.

the closer we get to the election the more i find myself trying to avoid despair as i watch more and more people actively chose to hand the election to trump and the republican party either by apathy or refusal to engage with the reality of our situation.

desantis has been governor since 2019. it feels like he's been in office for a lifetime. the state has slid so far backwards i don't recognize it and i've lived here since 1996.

the state has been a testing ground for a lot of the conservative policies they're wanting to push nationwide and it's bad. i don't even think bad is the best qualifier for how awful it is.

it's going to kill to people. it has killed people already.

we are not going to live, laugh, love our way to viable third party candidate between now and november.

we are not going to avoid sliding further into fascism by shrugging our shoulders and saying both sides are the same.

there's no glorious revolution coming any more than the rapture is.

but i do fear making it out alive of another trump presidency. that's kind of urgent for me and it's not selfish to be concerned about domestic policy as much as and if not more than international policy.

you can't help others when you are also being stripped of your rights. you think we're gonna get to protest peacefully under another trump presidency? the man who wants to assassinate rivals and wanted to sick the national guard on protestors especially when the supreme court just said the president is immune so long as it's an official act without hard lining what an official act is.

everything is on the line. vote like it.

[littledata]

@princington's amazing art brought me back to this fic so have a little extra for them.

There are many, many terrible things about dating Beatrice.

For example: she manages to wake up at six AM every single morning to go jogging and comes home looking sweaty and sexy while Ava is still dealing with bedhead. She's also organised to the point of insanity and remembers every important date, even the ones Ava didn't realise she knew (like the date she opened the coffee shop. They hadn't even met for fuck's sake), and manages to swoop in with a thoughtful gift or kind word to mark the occasion. Meanwhile, Ava is still scribbling DON'T FORGET DENTIST - TUESDAY?? on the back of her hand like a high schooler.

And if all of that wasn't horrible enough, even after almost a year of dating, Beatrice can still roll up the cuffs of her sleeves or adjust her glasses or recite some complicated piece of research, and Ava winds up hopelessly turned on in public on the regular.

It sucks, actually. Ava's life is awful.

None of that is the worst part of it though. The worst part of dating Beatrice, who is sexy and thoughtful and intelligent, is that she's fucking impossible to buy gifts for.

Beatrice doesn't actually want anything is half the problem. She reads a lot of books but she mostly checks them out from the university library. She drinks a lot of tea, but Ava runs a coffee shop. If her girlfriend wants tea, she has a store room full of it. Other than that, she mostly likes crosswords, the gym, her friends, and… well. Ava.

It's making planning for the first birthday Beatrice has had since they've been together exceptionally stressful. Particularly since Ava knows for a fact that Beatrice's parents believed in a "socks and school supplies" style of gift giving which, as far as she's concerned, barely even count.

"What are you getting Bea for her birthday?" she whispers conspiriatorially to Camila one Saturday afternoon in Mary and Shannon's back yard. Beatrice herself is bouncing the baby on her knee and debating some obscure scientific hypothesis - something about mold. Ava is surprised to find she actually has an opinion on the topic. Probably all those mold documentaries.

Camila snorts, "Have you just figured out she's impossible to buy for?"

"Yes," Ava stresses, "C'mon, what are you getting her? And if it's really good I'm stealing your idea."

"Oh no." Camila shakes her head, "It took me all year to think of something. You're on your own."

"Cam." Ava tries her best pleading, puppy dog eyes. They don't work nearly as well on Camila as they do on Beatrice.

"Ava." Camila pats her hand comiseratingly, "Just get her what every self-respecting lesbian wants for their birthday."

Ava frowns, "Power tools?"

Camila smirks, "Strap-on and lingerie."

So that conversation was entirely useless - mostly because Ava already owns more than enough of both those things and they sort of seem like a gift for both of them more than just Beatrice. And more than anything else, Ava wants her girlfriend to feel special. Like she's worth something great that's for her and only her.

Shannon is her next port of call. Ava corners her in the kitchen where she's refilling drinks and, probably pre-warned by Camila, looks entirely unsurprised to be accosted.

"We normally order some of the gross British candy she likes," Shannon informs her. "And before you even try it - she knows that's what we get her every year, so don't try and steal the idea."

Ava groans despondently, "I'm hitting a wall here. What the fuck do you buy for someone who doesn't actually want anything?"

Beatrice does always say that her best friend is unreasonably logical and practical in her advice. For the first time, Ava understands her plight when Shannon shrugs and says, "Have you tried asking her?"

With nothing else to do, Ava tries. Admittedly, she probably picks a bad time to do it: she's shirtless and sitting cross-legged on their bed while Beatrice massages lotion into the new tattoo on her shoulder. Bea's fingers are gentle and thorough and very, extremely distracting.

"Hey," Ava says a little breathlessly, her eyes closed, "What do you want for your birthday?"

Beatrice, because she is Beatrice, says, "You don't have to get me anything."

Typical. This is why dating her is so difficult. "Obviously I do," Ava points out. "For my birthday you took me to a theme park even though it's your idea of actual, literal hell." Bea had even bought and worn a t-shirt that said "I RODE THE BIG ONE". Camila has the photograph framed in her office.

"Not actual, literal hell," Beatrice argues, "I enjoyed that you had fun."

"There's really nothing you want?" Ava asks.

Disappointingly, Beatrice's fingers stop their movement and she puts a cap on the lotion, moving off the bed behind Ava. "Is this what you were whispering with Camila and Shannon about earlier?"

"Maybe. They weren't helpful."

Beatrice's smile is affectionate, "They never are." She leans in to kiss her, her hand landing on Ava's bare shoulder and skirting over her neck, "I'd like to spend my birthday with you. That's all."

Ava wraps her arms aroud her shoulders and sighs, "Dating you is the worst."

"Mm, awful," Beatrice agrees, kissing the corner of her mouth and then her jaw. "Shall we break up?"

"Yep." Ava turns her head to press their lips together again and uses her distraction to lie back, pulling Beatrice down on top of her. "We're over."

(On her birthday, they drink tea in bed and do a crossword puzzle with Ava's head on Beatrice's shoulder. Later, they wander through a museum eating wine gums and holding hands. At Shannon and Mary's place, Beatrice unwraps the cordless drill that Ava bought for her.

"Thank you," she says, "It's just what I wanted.")

(Ava saves the strap-on and lingerie for later.)

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Rereading The Fellowship of the Ring for the First Time in Fifteen Years

The previous chapter was all grouchy wizards and atmospheric walking...and this one opens with the return of Professor Tolkien medieval literature scholaring all over the page. So let's just jump in and talk "The Bridge of Khazad-Dum."

So finding the tomb of a comrade always sucks, but context is EXTREMELY required in such cases. Unfortunately, this is the moment where Professor Tolkien rears his ugly head once again. I'm a Shakespeare scholar, and moreover I was a Shakespeare scholar at a reasonably broke school in Alaska, so I designed my thesis to not require me to go look at extant original texts. When I got to my PhD, some fuckery at an administrative level meant that when my first supervisor retired, I was dumped into the lap of a film scholar, so my dissertation because EXTREMELY about film adaptations. So I don't have firsthand experience with extant historical documents and texts, but I am aware of the process. As an undergrad, I once questioned why my text said "safety" while another text said "sanity" (and was very scoffed at before the professor actually understood the question, because I phrased it poorly). The good answer though?

Extant texts from Shakespeare's day and older are PLAGUED with slipperiness that makes them difficult to read and reproduce. They come from a time before standardized spelling, and printers often weren't that careful setting type. If they come from before the printing press, you have issues with handwriting legibility and misspellings. Then there are issues with extant documents being damaged or torn or missing pages or faded by the time we get to them, especially if they've been in private hands without the experience to properly preserve them. So the difference between "safety" and "sanity" was some editor or academic's educated guess because they had a word that started with "s," ended in "y," and was probably about six letters.

Tolkien, as a scholar with an interest in medieval texts, would have understood these issues because I'd be willing to bet hard cash that his academic work required using primary sources and original extant texts. And I'm willing to bet that because we get EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN ONE OF THESE ISSUES with the Book of Mazarbul. In no particular order, here are the issues Gandalf calls out while trying to read this thing:

multiple pages are missing from the beginning

blurred words

burned words

staining (probably blood)

edged blade damage

deteriorated pages that break off

shitty handwriting

partially visible words and guesswork that goes with it

a total lack of context for any of the words you CAN make out

This book is every book scholar's worst goddamn nightmare, because you'll never recreate the whole thing, your guesses are likelier to be wrong than right, and if you don't have plot armor preserving the important stuff, you might literally end up with a description of someone's breakfast but nothing else.

I will say though, there's one thing in here that Tolkien SHOULD have been familiar with in extant texts that isn't represented here. Marginalia. Humans were humans even in the 11-1400s, and scribes and apprentices got bored while copying out books by hand. They doodled. They wrote snarkastic comments in the margins. They had to scratch things out and redo. They had cats around and sometimes little paw prints are found in old manuscripts. Like...ancient books had personality. I get where the dwarves might not have done this in their log book, especially towards the end, but I would have loved some marginalia too.

Because the first few pages of this chapter feel less like Gandalf reading the final account of the attempted Moria colony to me and more like Professor Tolkien having a moment because WHY IS THIS GODDAMN PAGE MISSING I JUST NEED THIS ONE PAGE BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, ITS FUCKING MISSING...

Academia some days, I swear.

But we get knocked out of the academic and into the adventurous pretty fast when the drums in the deep start tolling "doom, doom." And everyone loses their goddamn minds, as any reasonable person would, because we just finished hearing about the dwarves being trapped while the drums in the deep boomed.

Aragorn isn't going down without a fight though. He and Boromir get their asses on securing the door from which the immediate danger will come, with a bit of an assist from Frodo and Sting when some ballsy Uruk puts a foot through the door.

We also get badass good guy Samwise Gamgee:

When thirteen had fallen the rest fled shrieking, leaving the defenders unharmed, except for Sam who had a scratch along the scalp. A quick duck had saved him; and he had felled his orc: a sturdy thrust with his Barrow-blade. A fire was smouldering in his brown eyes that would have made Ted Sandyman step backwards, if he had seen it.

Our boy took out an ORC all on his own!!! Sam is more than capable of taking care of business and apparently he gets scary when you back him in a corner. I entirely approve, and I cannot believe we didn't get this in the movie. GIVE ME SAM SINGLE-HANDEDLY TAKING OUT AN ORC, PETER JACKSON!!!

We also get an Orc chieftain stabbing the hell out of Frodo, which was an honor given to the cave troll in the movies. This goes by pretty fast though, even for a Tolkien battle. It's kind of a one-two stab and grab before everyone makes a run for it. We do get Sam freeing Frodo by chopping the spear haft in half, but if you're reading quickly, it's easy to miss that this should ABSOLUTELY have killed Frodo. The language is pretty clear that it doesn't, and Tolkien only kind of tokenly tries a fake-out death here, since we literally just got the mithril reminder at the end of the last chapter. But I guess technically we get a fake-out death here.

It is very quickly confirmed that Frodo is alive though, with everyone being like, "Wait, you're NOT dead?" and Aragorn and Gandalf both going, "jesus christ, hobbits are tough as nail."

As we keep running from the hordes of Orcs, Uruks, and cave trolls, things start to get hot and there is firelight in places firelight SHOULD EXTREMELY NOT BE. But it does cue Gandalf about where they are, and he points everyone toward the titular Bridge of Khazad-Dum, and the exit. Now it's just a matter of hauling ass and getting out.

Unfortunately, when Legolas turns around to shoot some bitches and buy time, this happens:

Something was coming up behind them. What it was could not be seen: it was like a great shadow, in the middle of which a dark form, of man-shape, maybe, yet greater; and a power and terror seemed to be in and to go before it. It came to the edge of the fire and the light faded as if a cloud had bent over it. Then with a rush it leaped across the fissure. The flames roared up to greet it, and wreathed about it; and a black smoked swirled in the air. It's streaming mane kindled, and blazed behind it. In its right hand was a blade like a stabbing tongue of fire; in its left it held a whip of many thongs. "Ai! ai [sic]!" wailed Legolas. "A Balrog!"

And I just need to take a second here, because like I've said, I was more familiar with the movies than the book. And I just need Tolkien to EXPLAIN HIS DAMN SELF with this description. It's maybe man-shaped, but it has a mane? Like that does give adapters a lot of room to get creative, but WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GET HORNED SHEEP LAVA THING from??? Because that ain't in the text. I do love the drama of this description though. Like, the Balrog knows it's freaking magnificent and is going to play to all the drama that being wreathed in fire and smoke gives it. Which...ngl, I love for it. This thing is damn cool.

And I appreciate that we have FINALLY met a foe that makes Gandalf just kind of stop and go "...fuck me." Because he was starting to feel a bit OP and bored, and now he's taking it seriously, which means I as a reader should be FUCKING TERRIFIED right now, and I appreciate that.

From there, this goes down basically as the movie does, with the sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight deviation that Aragorn and Boromir get BACK on the bridge to have Gandalf's back, so they're like, within arm's reach of him as the Balrog falls and drags Gandalf down with it. But even the dialogue was lifted almost exactly from the page, so I don't feel like I need to go over this bit in much detail. It's badass, it's tragic, and it happens FAST.

And then, of course, everyone else has to haul ass out of there because the Balrog just took out your OP wizard with a flick of its wrist.

So they run, and they run a LOT for a LONG time. They run until they're out of bow-shot of the walls. And as readers, we are left with this final image:

They looked back. Dark yawned the archway of the Gates under the mountain-shadow. Faint and far beneath the earth rolled the slow drum-beats: doom. A thin black smoke trailed out. Nothing else was to be seen; the dale all around was empty. Doom. Grief at last wholly overcame them, and they wept long: some stand and silent, some cast upon the ground. Doom, doom. The drum-beats faded.

So my little headcanon here? Those drumbeats stop being harbingers of doom in that final paragraph and transform to metaphorical heartbeats for Gandalf. We know--because Pippin established it--that falls in Moria can be LONG. They take a while. The Fellowship got out of immediate danger range, and Gandalf could still have been falling. But all they have to go on is those faint, distant, slow drum-beats. The heartbeat/drumbeat comparison is so easy it's not a reach, and when they finally fade and stop, the sense is that there is nothing else for the army of evil to attack. That is--as far as anyone knows or can reasonably assume--the end of Gandalf. It's the literary equivalent of a jump cut and sudden stop of the drumroll in film execution scenes. It cues everyone that something has ended.

Well, this chapter was ABSOLUTELY not more atmospheric walking, and even though it cost us our wizard, I appreciated the tension, the fear, and the pacing in the chapter at large. The mix of breakneck action and still or slow moments to let everyone react or comment was really well done, and finally having something that actually managed to shake Legolas and Gandalf was genuinely scary.

We're going to leave it there for now, and next time we'll pick up with the aftermath of almost getting eaten by a Balrog and losing the mentor wizard of the party. We've only got four more chapters to go, so let's see what the pacing and party dynamics do as we head for Lothlorien sans wizard.

[purplesurveys]

1902

If you had $10,000 dollars right now what would you do with it? I'd give my parents a portion of it, then keep the rest tucked away in my savings. I'm planning to hunt for a condo by year-end anyway so that amount would honestly take me super super far.

When was the last time you consumed alcohol? Two weeks ago at Angela and Hans' engagement party.

Have you ever broken a bone? No. Sprains were the worst I've had; fortunately never broke a bone.

What type of perfume do you use the most? I don't really like perfume as I find them too strong.

What book are you reading, currently? I haven't read anything in a while.

Are you interested in creative writing of any sort? No. I dabbled in it in my younger years but quickly learned that it wasn't and would never be my forte. I couldn't even think of creative plots so there was barely anything that translated to writing either. I've always enjoyed writing non-fiction stuff much more – and am miles miles miles away better at it too.

Would you introduce the last person you kissed to your parents? They knew her.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feeling for one another? Yes? Why is this even a question haha.

Can you ever see yourself and your ex back together? No.

Are any of your friends virgins? There may be a couple but I'm really just guessing. Sex isn't ever something that comes up except with close friends.

Who did you last go out to eat with? Family – we were at a Japanese restaurant a week ago.

Is your ex a complete loser? I'd rather not call them such names at this point. Of course, they suck for many things but let's keep it at that haha.

What does the shirt you’re wearing look like? Where did you get it from? It's an olive green shirt that's turtleneck-ish but not really? I don't really know how to explains it haha but it kind of bunches up at the neck area. Shopee.

Who is the funniest person you know? Hans.

Do you say sorry first? If I know I should.

What do you look like right now? Pretty decent, tbh. We spent the entire evening hosting dinner for our extended family who've flown in from the States, so I wanted to make sure I looked nice even if we were just having the gathering at home. They came complete too for the very first time – it's usually just the immediate family who comes but they've brought in husbands and boyfriends too, who were all American.

It was a lot of fun! This might sound weird to those who live in countries with more diversity in cultures, but coming from a homogenous country it was so fascinating to meet Americans for the first time!! They were so nice and easy to talk to! And very chatty so it really helped me come out of my shell.

Who’s bed were you on last? Mine.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? Elijah, I think.

Do you like to cuddle? Yeah it's nice but I haven't done it in years.

Is sex on your mind more than 3 times a day? Not usually.

What were you doing an hour ago? Washing the dishes.

Do you like it up against the wall? Sure.

Do you prefer girlfriend / boyfriend or friends with benefits? Continued from last night. A relationship.

Are you smiling? No.

When did you last eat pizza? Last night. The dinner-hosting was super impromptu and my mom only had time to make simple pasta, so I rushed to get follow-up pizza + mojos so that everyone was fed well.

Honestly, are things going the way you planned? I don't really plan to begin with....? I know that sounds bad, but I generally just try to do my best out of what life hands. The only things I try not to do are fuck up at work and lose relationships; and so far that has been going well.

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single? No.

Who did you spend your summer with last year? For the most part, with my family; but I also had a reasonable portion of it with my closest group of friends.

Did you wear what you are wearing today for a specific reason? I chose to wear it for a reason last night, yeah. I just haven't changed out of it since then because I was exhausssssted and just wanted to sleep.

What was the last thing you ate? A slice of pizza + god knows how many mojos.

Are you taking this survey in a place other than your home? No, I am at home.

Did you get ice cream from the ice cream truck when you were little? Do they still have an ice cream truck where you live? Every once in a while, yeah. We just were rarely allowed to – and to this day, I rarely entertain them – because the markup is bonkers. One came over during the pandemic and a popsicle that would go for ₱15-₱20 pesos cost like ₱50. So ever since then I've been wary about going out to meet them and only do when I have a very particular craving for ice cream.

*We also don't have ice cream trucks. They travel on bikes with a little extension on the side for their coolers.

What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? My breakup, because it sent me into a downward spiral in ways I had never reached before and have never reached since. If you look at my camera roll today, it literally jumps from August to October 2020 (it happened in September) as I barely ate and only stayed in my room at the time. Traumatic, but also the most emotionally exhausting thing I've ever been through.

No, I hardly think about it these days; and if anything, I only think about it when I want to be reminded to be grateful for the life I have now and the nice things I have been able to experience since. If I had let my sadness win, I never would have found BTS, witnessed my best friend get engaged, be able to travel to other countries, etc.

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? I mean it would be a scientific breakthrough more than anything because we are both girls, so I'd worry about that part first lol.

Don’t you hate it when your cell phone dies in the middle of a convo? Sure, but I always run to plug it in so that it doesn't happen.

If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? No.

Would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? Sure.

Where was the last place you got completely wasted? 2017? 2018? idk that was the last time it went horrible, and since then I've managed how much I drink.

Have you ever changed the prices of items at a store? Wow, no.

Would your parents disown you if you got pregnant? At this point no. They'll get SUPER disappointed if I got pregnant without a legal partner (aka married lol) and will probably take it out on me but I'm sure they will be excited at least for the going-to-be-grandparents part.

When was the last time you drank alcohol? What was it? Two weeks ago. Just a couple bottles of apple-flavored beer.

Do you like where you live? Yes. It's okay, it's quiet, but I'm also looking for a change in pace.

Are you going to any concerts or festivals this summer? Nothing planned out.

Have you had sex with someone you weren’t married to? Someone you weren’t even dating? Not married to, yes. Not dating, no.

Are you under the age of 18? No.

Do you have a job? I do.

Are you going to school still? Do you plan on going to college? No more school. I graduated in 2020 and have no plans on getting any higher degrees.

Are you overweight? No. My last medical exam was very clear in stating underweight.

Would you get married at 18? Well, I didn't.

Have you ever been so wasted, you couldn’t walk? Just a handful of times.

What is the last thing that you got really excited over? Meeting my extended cousins after 8 years, and for the first time their husband/boyfriend too.

Any baby names you think you might name your future kids? I have a few favorites. Not that I'll ever have to use them.

When was the last time you had sex? A few years back.

Who did you last hang out with other then family? Co-workers.

Do you remember the last boy you texted? What was it about? Probably Hans, and I think we were just talking about proposal plans. I don't text much.

If you could go back in time and change things, would you? Nope.

Has anyone had their hand in your pants today? Uh, nope.

Do you like your dad? How about your mom? Sure. My dad's great; my mom's okay for the most part but she also has her psychopath/sociopath moments that make me question her...entire person, essentially.

Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? I feel yesterday would be better because I know we have no plans today.

Do you have anything that belongs to your boyfriend/girlfriend? I don't have one.

Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it’s over? It was both of us.

Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober.

What’s your favorite color? Purple.

Do you drink? Socially.

Do you smoke? Kind of.

Ever had a black eye? I have not.

When was the last time you slept in bed with a member of the opposite sex? Who was it? I don't think that's ever happened.

Did your most recent kiss take place in/on a bed? No.

Has anyone seen you naked in the last 6 months? Nope.

How would you describe your current relationship status? I'm single and voluntarily avoiding relationships.

Have you ever shared food/drink off the same plate/glass as someone you like? Not just with someone I like, but with friends or family too.

Have you ever had a valentine? Sure.

Have your lips ever gone numb from kissing? I don't think so.

Last person to cuddle with? The person I was with years ago.

[case-of-traxits]

Sephiroth 1-26

[From this prompt!] [Still accepting!]

Omg, 1 through 26? That's a lot. Okay. Here we go. This got really long. I hope you enjoy!

Character Ask Game!!! 💫

Character Questions: Sephiroth

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Right off the bat, my favorite thing about Sephiroth is definitely how surprisingly soft his character actually is. Like, I've been eating well with the release of Ever Crisis, since it confirms a lot of how I've always written Sephiroth. As for dislikes... Let's see. I dislike how inherently tragic his character actually is? Like, that sounds odd, coming from me, an angst queen, but I mean it more... He really never stood a chance. I usually love angst for my characters, but often because they've done it to themselves? Sephiroth is heartbreaking because of what's been done to him rather than because of anything he's specifically done. And no, I'm not discounting Nibelheim or anything. I don't want anyone to read this and walk away thinking I think that I... I don't know. Don't think Sephiroth was responsible for anything. Of course he is. He's a villainous character, and he goes completely mad and falls. That's the entire point. But his madness and his fall itself is inevitable within the canon of the game. His character is a relatively innocent one who lacks almost all agency, and when he finds out why, he completely loses himself in being the monster that they've created. Like, to be perfectly honest, is it a surprise that so many fangirls glommed onto him, hotness aside?

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I love how his canon materia set up is as follows: Masamune Materia Slots: Revive Restore Earth = All Fire = [empty spot] Gold Armlet Materia Slots: Ice = All Lightning = All Like. I love that he has a restore and a revive? And an open slot? I don't know. It's just fun to think about.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

His fixation on Cloud. Like, don't get me wrong, I do completely understand it. I just don't like it. I can recognize that canon has made a decision that I personally disagree with.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Ooh, any other media... Honestly? This is going to sound weird, but I'd put him in FF8. I think he'd fit right in with the SeeDs, and almost none of them have parents either, so it would just be... normal.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

So fuck you, fuck you, fuck you And all we've been through I said leave it, leave it, leave it It's nothing to you And if you hate me, hate me, hate me Then hate me so good that you can let me out, let me out Let me out of this hell when you're around -- Rootless Tree, by Damien Rice

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

We both suck at making friends. We both got like, two of them and were like, "well, here we go. Our entire sense of self-worth hinges on these two people. Hope nothing happens to them. (:" In all seriousness though, I am extremely bad at making friends. And Sephiroth clearly is too. So. SOLIDARITY BBY.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

I love when fandom puts him in just... normal situations. I love seeing Sephiroth cook or run in the morning or go to the gym or really anything besides being effortlessly perfect. I like seeing his humanity under there. Probably because he rejects it so thoroughly after Nibelheim.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Well. I don't click on these fics anymore because it's just easier to not engage than it is to deal with my feelings about it, but I hate when fandom just reduces Sephiroth to purely his post-Nibelheim state? Like, I'm aware that part of it is because that's the timeline most people are writing in. And in that case, go right ahead! Do your thing! But if you're writing pre-Nibelheim, you need to contend with who he was before that event.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

I suspect I am not a tidy enough individual to be roommates with Sephiroth. I think he would be extremely particular.

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

I mean, as much as he can be best friends with anyone? His biggest problem is letting people in, and not because he doesn't want to, but because he has no idea how.

11. Would you date this character?

Hah! Look. I have a wonderful husband already. XD

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Sephiroth has a blue pick-up that he drives on the few times he leaves the Tower.  He dislikes taking the train, and technically, the car belongs to the company, but no one would ever stop him.  He has a string of those fake materia beads that are so popular in Midgar hanging from the rearview mirror, and he likes to periodically just leave Midgar and drive on the dirt roads that go nowhere.  He finds it soothing, particularly with loud music blaring in the truck. -- Pulled from my headcanon blog. I mean, I could give you new ones, but I love this one.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

I really cannot imagine Sephiroth using any emoji except the thumbs up and thumbs down ones, to be perfectly frank. Except, possibly, for texts with Genesis and Angeal, if they use emoji? If they do, I think he would slowly assimilate their styles of use, and do his best to mimic them.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Cottagecore. No, no! Don't go! Hear me out. Sephiroth in giant, oversized, cozy sweaters and his hair in a loose braid. It'd be great, and he'd be so happy.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

Tseng and Sephiroth. I just. Tseng is so good for him, all quiet acceptance of anything odd about him, and gentle instruction when Sephiroth looks uncertain and just... I love them dearly. I have a ficlet series! I should add more to it, but here, look. ENJOY. I Fell (heavy) into Your Arms (like a stone) For the record though, I am also 100% on board for Genesis/Sephiroth. Super excited for Sephesis Week in January. I'm going to get so much new fic to read.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

Ooh, spicy question there. Uh. I don't want to start anything, but I am not a huge fan of Sephiroth/Cloud. I mean. It's fine. It's just not my thing.

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

Mm... As a general rule, I am flexible on ships. Even my least favorite ship for Sephiroth is someone's ship, and I wish them the best in their shipyard.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

I love his relationship with Genesis. Huge, huge feels when I started Ever Crisis and he was calling Gen and just... T_T Babies.

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

That would require him to have actual relationships. That said, his only other real relationship is with Cloud, and as I said in the ship questions, that's... fine. It's just not my thing.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Honestly, I do really like Sephiroth with Genesis and/or Angeal, and I think Tseng would be a good friend for him, even disregarding my shipping tendency. That said, Reeve would be good for him too. Not the least of which because Reeve would probably be able to help him get some answers about his mother if Sephiroth would ask him. Or maybe that's just my Reeve, who has been with Shinra since he was five.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Something I like: I like seeing him interact with people outside of missions. I like watching him be normal and having to deal with everything that comes with that. Something I don't: I hate fight scenes. Have me write 7k of introspection any day, but please, as few fight scenes as possible. XD

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Something I like: I love when other characters are super warm to Sephiroth and he's just like, "Do you like me? Do I want you to like me? Is that okay?" I just... it melts my heart every time. Something I don't: I find it difficult to believe people when they write Sephiroth as a sex god. Weirdly specific, right? But true. He's such an awkward teenager in Ever Crisis, and while he's very calm in Crisis Core, 90% of his "perfection" comes from just... not talking. I cannot imagine that he picks people up or hooks up very often. XD

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Currently? This one. Seph/Gen, kissing. But if you mean "ever," that's impossible. There's been so many fantastic pieces of fanart over the years.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Mm. So little baby Trax, all those years ago (seriously, I watched FF7 being played when I was about 9, when the game was released), was basically like: Traxits: "Wait, why don't we like Sephiroth?" Cousin: "He murdered the President." Traxits: "The guy who dropped the sector? The one we were going to kill?" Cousin: "Yeah." Traxits: "And that's... bad?" Cousin: "Murder is bad." Traxits: "... but we were going to kill him first, right?" And then my cousin (age 13) made me go play in a different room.

Now, of course, I understand more about what was going on and everything, but the fact is, he's one of my favorites just because of how ... Mm. Doomed he is, maybe? I just. I love writing moments of happiness for him. He deserves them, despite everything. Because of everything. Because in the end, he's going to completely surrender himself to the alien cells in his body and he's going to lose himself. And there isn't, as far as we can tell, any way to save him.

26. Freebie question; Per discord discussion: Most obscure headcanon?

Oh, that's a fun one. Mine is probably that Sephiroth is a vegetarian. Actually, I'm not sure how widespread this is, but it used to be popular (I sound like a lady discussing what was "fashionable" in her time) to have Sephiroth be wildly sensitive to all kinds of foods, but from what I've seen in the current meta/jokes/etc., most people seem to headcanon that he has an iron stomach now. I go the opposite way and say thanks to the degree of experimental testing and the lack of exposure to a wide variety of foods, he's almost overly sensitive to new foods. To the point that he pretty much subsists exclusively on things from the SOLDIER cafeteria (who have a list of things that they can prepare for him) or things that he himself has prepared.

THANK YOU FOR READING ALL OF THAT.

[meme-streets]

having let it percolate a little, and having read some critiques/reviews of it, i have further expanded my complicated thoughts about dirty harry.

first of all, i definitely pick up a vibe of "harry callahan and scorpio have the same thing wrong with them, scorpio is just worse/has no morals whatsoever." mostly it's the reckless violence and the sadistic streak, but there's something else there too. they've both got the long hair, though scorpio's is longer. scorpio's outright bigotry and callahan's "i should throw a net over the whole lot of them" comment. i could even stretch this as far as some other parallels, like scorpio being a sniper and harry's voyeurism on multiple occasions, the fact there's multiple scenes of each of them getting beaten up/injured (at least once apiece at each other's hands, no less), the soft spoken demeanor (which granted scorpio doesn't show all the time, but the phone calls are the best example), the wild physicality of the chase scenes on both their parts–and, hell, cat and mouse plots always invite comparison, don't they. i definitely see at least a little similarity between the two.

second of all–and i think this is why i had the reaction of "this is so extreme that i really can't believe i'm supposed to think this guy is in the right"–harry callahan being a dirtbag is a pretty explicit part of the text. at the very least there's the voyeurism, which he pays for on both occasions; the accidental one where he's trying to find a suspect gets him mistaken for a regular peeping tom and (rightfully) beat up, and the intentional one where he then fucks up the entire stakeout. chico calls him on it, too, and he gets reprimanded in some form or another for most of his bullshit (hell, even his nickname is an acknowledgement). so there's at least a little acknowledgement.

then there's the whole deal with the arrest. first of all, the scene itself reads more slasher villain than hero–callahan looks fucking deranged, the music is creepy as hell, the camerawork makes him look super threatening. then we find out he didn't even save the girl, and because he broke damn near ever law in the book, scorpio walks. the kidnapped girl being dead definitely makes the violence feel hollow, but it's hard to say if the movie is blaming scorpio's release on harry's behavior breaking the law, or on the criminal justice laws themselves. i honestly think you could read it either way. the fact that the first stakeout going wrong is pretty clearly his fault makes me lean towards the film also portraying this as a callahan fuckup. then again–he seems really bewildered that what he did was illegal, and the "what about ann mary deacon, what about her rights? who speaks for her?" line carries such pathos i find it hard to believe we're not meant to be at least a little in his favor here. he also says "the law's crazy," which is an incredibly loaded statement, but once again i really can't tell if we're supposed to agree with him or not. i will note, however, that the film definitely isn't on the side of the mayor (who's insistent on paying scorpio off). there's definitely a "both approaches to this suck" reading in there, if maybe a shaky one.

for what it's worth, i have read that the director (and writers as well i think) were going for an angle of "blurring the line between cop and criminal," so i think both the parallels between callahan and scorpio + callahan being acknowledged at least a little as a shitty person are definitely intentional. i think the most generous interpretation you can give this is "they weren't outright trying to send a message that police should be above the law." the thing is that scorpio is such an abhorrent person, and that the narrative in the end is constructed in a way that it justifies harry's violent antics as necessary to take scorpio down, that i think in the end it sends that message anyway. and given how influential the film was on the detective fiction that came after it, much of which has carried that message wholeheartedly, i don't think it's really forgivable. or maybe forgivable isn't the right word, i don't know quite how to put it. it's still for the most part a very enjoyable movie if you go into it with the acknowledgement that it's deeply flawed, and with the intention of having a lot of fun watching two really fucked up guys chase each other around in glorious technicolor, but i don't think i'll ever be able to not cringe at the politics of it, however intentional they were or weren't.

[dawning-day]

RONAN LYNCH IN A TIME LOOP SAY MORE AT ONCE (but only if you want to no pressure the all caps is just my enthusiasm and also my brain being broken by those tags and that concept)

apologies in advance for what this turned into <3

so for context of me personally i absolutely adore a timeloop au in any context in general like there is something so funky so fresh about the whole idea of a guy getting worn down by time while everyone around him is experiencing something for the first time?? to be so jaded but still have to wait for the other people to go through surprise/shock at something that's already gotten old for the guy who's seen it more times than they can count????

so that's already delicious but Most Specifically i am a fan of the version of the time loop that is "a guy who has to go back and re-do the worst thing that ever happened over and over until they fix it" both from the perspective of (a) the lingering doubt of no matter what they change does it ever actually make a difference? is there anything that could be done that would Matter enough or is fate always going to lead them to the same place and we are doomed to repeat our mistakes ect ect but also (b) the thing about the worst thing that ever happened to a guy is that uhhh it sucks? like having to relive any period of time repeatedly is already concerning but when it's a moment that fundamentally defined the subsequent period of life ? to have so much urgency but still be repeatedly brought back to square one !!! and to have to see that worst thing over and over and knowing they failed !!!!!!!!!!!! terrible !!!!!

and if that wasn't already a bucket of laughs the most very absolute worst part is always when the person has to waste so much of their very limited time the loop resets and then they're all alone again??? to not have one person in the entire world who understands what they're going through and to have any progress they've made immediately get undone, but to do it all again anyways because fuck what other choice is there ??

all of this to say. ronan lynch. bc i'm not sure if you noticed by now but these freaks are literally all ride or die for each other from MINUTE ONE like ronan walked up and said hey i pulled this bird out of my dreams and no one blinked? like mild spoiler the third book and holy fuck especially the fourth one really lean into the?? fantasy side of things?? kind of?? (it will make sense in retrospect i promise) but never not one single page are any of these books about them not believing each other. there is an inherent irrevocable acceptance that when one of them has A Problem it is Their Problem and that's part of the reason they are soooo <333333

but yeah you'd damn better believe if ronan sat down and told those freaks this was his 18th wednesday in a row they would believe him without question or cause there would be none of that wasting time on that stupid trope of "ronan knowing everything the other person's about to say and that's why they believe him" nonsense. they are his family and they are fundamentally there for one another when it matters. when it doesn't matter. everything in between.

so ronan's time loop is just immediately about the finding solutions part??? about gansey sneaking Meaningful Glances at adam across the table because they both know ronan's more unhinged about this than he's letting on. maybe blue convinces them to go to fox way to ask maura and calla and persephone to read his future and the first time blue has ever seen those women look Genuinely Scared is when they have to tell him point blank that they don't see one. not that it's blurry or that the signs are unclear but that ronan lynch fundamentally does not have anything other than the Now.

ronan lynch the dreamer the dreamed afraid to go to sleep not because of what he can do when he dreams but because this time being awake is the scary part??? because he doesn't know where or when he'll be when he wakes up???? to have something so. core to who he is. be so fractured. and his family not really being able to help but being so willing to try anyway????

anyways sorry i didn't realize i had so many thoughts about this hi tldr i wanna humble that maniac sooooo bad

[serpentcoded]

How I've come to follow Hekate, part 2

Fast forward to late August of this year. My house is a fucking mess. I have trouble cleaning, due to trauma inflicted on me by a parent who was obsessive about cleaning but that's not what this is about. The point is, I rarely clean, and my house sucks. I get the sudden impulse to just. Clean. Anything. So I've started in the kitchen, deep cleaning and disinfecting things, taking care of dishes we've (M and I) let pile up. Then I move on to the living room and tackle the bookshelf, which is full of books I don't actually want, and there's no room for the books I would like to actually display.

I start pulling them off the shelves to donate. There's also some other shit on there, figurines and dead roses and random bits of whatever. And while I'm cleaning the non-book items off of the shelves, I find a Catholic medal. I'm not sure what they're called, I'm not Catholic, which is why this is so weird.

I don't know where it came from. I ask M, who is technically Catholic but has never been practicing. But they've never seen it before either. I show it to my mother later, and she thinks it might have been my great great grandmother's, but I don't remember anyone ever giving it to me, so it's still kind of a mystery. Fastforward a little more. Now it's the night of the full moon. Everything is normal, I've cleaned a bit more, I've made dinner, and I've just been on voice chat with my long distance fiance (I was polyamorous just a short time ago, but not anymore. You'll see soon). M says they want to talk to me so I'm like okay, great, what's up? This is when they drop the nuke on my world and tell me they don't love me anymore. Now, we had recently discussed this. And we agreed the love we have isn't conventional love, and I had been under the impression that after that conversation, we were in a QPR. But apparently not. WIthout getting into details, they basically told me there was no love there anymore, romantic or otherwise. They still wanted to be friends, but it wasn't the kind of platonic love I though we both felt. So that was one of the worst nights of my life. We had been together a little over ten years, and had been living together for ten years. I've not worked since 2012, most of my IRL friends have moved or had kids and don't talk to me anymore. I don't have a license because I never learned to drive, and then figured I would never be able to afford a car anyway. For the last decade, M has supported me entirely. And now, without warning, I have to figure out how I'm going to survive. For now, I'm living here and we're living as roommates. But I'm aware that there is a blade hanging over my head, and that they could ask me to leave at any moment. So I'm looking for remote work (we live in a rural area and there's nothing for me here), brushing up on the graphic design skills I learned in school over a decade ago and haven't really put to much use since then, all while trying to deal with the pain of mourning the death of a longterm relationship while still having to see and interact with them every day. Also, we have two cats. So I'm worried about what will happen to them when I leave -- will we split them up? Will one of us get both of them? It's very stressful. A couple days ago (I can't remember the exact date, it's all been a blur lately), I pull out my Daemon Tarot oracle. I haven't used it in forever, but I ask for guidance. One of the cards I pull mentions a powerful woman. There are no powerful women in my life. My mother is the only woman in my life, and she is far from powerful. That's when it clicks. I wonder if the woman is actually a goddess. I wonder if it's Hekate. (This reading was done impulsively and unfortunately I don't have a photo of it) Later, maybe the next day, just before bed, I pull out my Wild Unknown deck, my favorite tarot deck and the one that's always been the easiest for me to read intuitively. And I ask Hekate directly if she is the cause of - or at the very least influenced - my current situation. The reading was extremely insightful and was an undeniable "Yes".

And it comforts me. It looks like a frightening reading upon first glance, but it really isn't. It's reassuring. And that was the first night since the breakup that I went to bed without crying, and the next morning was the first morning that I didn't need to cry and lie in bed for an hour before getting up and being a person. Things have been getting easier since then. I've been focused on reading some graphic design books to catch up on current trends and refresh myself on basic design principles. I've been saving jobs to apply for once I build a new portfolio I'm confident in. I don't feel like I want to die every time I interact with M, though the resentment is still there. It's still awkward, but doesn't feel like a knife in my chest. I still get the waves of sadness, mostly at night, because I'm not going to get over everything that fast, not after ten years with them, but I'm starting to feel now like I can get through it. And I have two people to thank for that: my wonderful, beautiful, loving and supportive fiance @principaliteas who has been there to talk me down and ground me in reality and reassure me that I can do this, that I'll be okay, and that in the end we'll be together (he lives in a different country and we've been trying to make my immigrating possible for a few years now), and Hekate. Now that it's over, I don't think I would want to go back. Part of that reading said that this has been a long time coming, and I've just been delaying the inevitable, perhaps even for years. I needed Hekate to give me the push I needed to stop settling for a life I wasn't happy with and start taking real, actionable steps toward the life I want, with the person I really want to be with more than anything. I believe the cleaning impulse was her, too. She was pushing me to prepare for a big change, and the cleaning helped elevate my mood. Maybe I needed that to keep the crash of the breakup from sending me to absolute rock bottom. And I think the Mary medal was her, too. I think it is her, even if it isn't. I'm wearing it now, alongside the small snake charm I always wear, which is fitting, I think. And maybe this is what it took for me to finally hear her, and feel her, and understand what that medium told me almost 6 years ago. After all of that, how could I not follow her?

[the-scythes-pen]

Masturbation/NSFW Headcanons

Lucifer

Lucifer is always down to fuck. Anytime, anywhere. This man is always horny

BUT.... he never masturbates. Never.

He can. He could. But he doesn't want to. Just... doesn't feel like it.

He's got the willpower of a god, he really doesnt need to masturbate

Even if he's teasing his S/O over a call, he'll almost never actually touch himself, instead just purely focusing on his partner's pleasure, torture, and satisfaction

He'll only really ever touch himself if his S/O wants him to during phone sex or something. Or, if he really wants to tease his S/O, he'll send them pics of him with his hard cock in his hand, precum leaking from the tip as he thumbs his head

Mammon

My mans got the libido of a teenage boy

He is CONSTANTLY horny, gets horny over the smallest things, is CONSTANTLY hiding boners from everyone (he's actually gotten really good at it) and is constantly jacking it

He's got his own toys he uses on himself

Everyone knows about his masturbation habits. Everyone. Nobody wants to, but unfortunately you get to know your housemates quite well when you live with them for a few centuries.

He's teased about how he's constantly jacking it. Mostly by Asmo, as everyone else just finds talking about it gross. But if Levi is especially mad, he'll target his bro's habits

He has gotten a boner from seeing/having huge piles of grimm before. He's jacked it to Goldie before. He is only slightly ashamed.

Has watched porn before, has recorded himself masturbating before, has done cam shows before

Levi

Oh, you know he's a little horny bitch (affectionate) <3

But he only ever masturbates to hentai, and usually he doesn't go out of his way to watch it

It'll just happen that theres sex in this anime he's watching.... or there's this NSFW audio by a voice actor that he has to listen to because he's a loyal fan....

He's got SO many fantasies, but one of his favourites has to be commanding tentacles to fuck you while he watches

.....or you sucking him off under his desk as he plays a game

He can and will get envy boners, where he had to run back to his room, get angry, and furiously jack off while complaining about how unfair everything is

Satan

Surprisingly has a lot of control over himself, but does occasionally masturbate anyway

Mostly does it when a book he's reading gets really, really good....

Then his mind wanders and he can't stop thinking about you :/ and he can't help himself....

Can and will get hate boners

His libido shoots through the roof when he gets furious, and sometimes all he can do is very aggressively jack it in his room to try and pacify himself and control his wild magic

He won't otherwise randomly get horny; only getting turned on by steamy books or roaming thoughts

Asmo

Funny enough, he really doesn't seem to get horny all that often?

Although that's his secret cap, he's always horny

Can will a boner into existence if he so chooses, also can will it back down

He's gotten toys for Mammon as a joke before, only to realize that hey, these actually seem pretty nice- so he'll get some for himself too

Has a collection of toys he never uses

He almost never masturbates, as instead he gets laid enough to satisfy himself

Has done a cam show before though, but only once- he didn't like offering such a wonderful show to so many people at once when he barely received anything in return... (he's not Mammon, grimm isn't enough)

Reads porno magazines for fun. Recommends them to his brothers constantly

.....has loaned said magazines to his brothers if he sees they've been stressed out lately, slipping them under the door of their room only to find the magazine back in his room a little later

Specifically has hentai manga for Levi

Beel

Doesn't masturbate often at all purely because he doesn't get horny all that often

But he has and will jack it alone in the locker room post workout, covered in sweat or fresh from a shower wearing nothing but a tank top and a pair of pulled down shorts

You're more likely to get photos from him if he's in a horny mood. Usually he'll show off his muscles, glimmering with sweat or dripping from a shower

Other times, he may just straight up send a pic of himself in the locker room infront of a mirror with his dick out, hand wrapped tightly around the base

It's very rare he'll jerk it at home tbh, again, mostly just because he rarely gets horny

He's also worried Belphie may walk in on him, so if he does it at home it will probably be in the shower, or at least in the bathroom

Belphie

Isn't afraid to palm himself after an especially lovely dream, no matter where he is

He's pretty unashamed, particularly because somehow he's never been caught?

He'll literally whip out his dick in the middle of the HOL library after waking up on the couch and nobody will even walk by

Although if he is caught- it's by you. And it's entirely on purpose. As in, not your purposeful doing- but his. He wanted you to catch him. He'll pause for a moment as you walk in, then shoot you a dangerous smirk before continuing, not even looking away from you

He can randomly get super horny even when he's awake though

So in that case, he'll usually go and do it in the attic, or in a bathroom stall at RAD if needed

Diavolo

I'd say.... perhaps he gets horny a healthy amount? But maybe his libido is a little on the low side. He doesn't masturbate often at all, and usually only does when he can't stand being horny any longer or needs some serious stress relief

Nobody has ever caught him. Not even Barbatos.

He only jerks it in his office at the castle or in his bedroom, but even still... you'd think Barbatos would have known what he was doing at least once in all the centuries he's been serving the prince... but nope. Never.

He's quite guilty of texting you while his cock is held tight in his hand, asking you about your day or how your studies are going while he continues

He won't even miss a beat when he cums. He'll respond aptly and appropriately

He's very good at hiding boners and recovering from such a state- so if something suddenly needs his attention, he can definitely handle it with little problem.

Barbatos

Another demon who almost never masturbates

Really.... he doesn't ever get horny?

He's always DTF, but never outright feels... horny. Like he needs relief.

Although he has jacked off once or twice when forced to take a day off, purely because he's aware he needs to relax a little more and this would be the perfect way to do so

He's got one toy he uses on said days off, but otherwise he just sticks to using his hands

Barbatos is also extremely good at recovering from such a state- being able to pad down his boner and tend to whatever emergency has risen

While Diavolo texts, Barbatos calls- he'll ask if he can call you for a small chat, just to pass the time or hear your voice, but he knows exactly what he's doing when he lets out a shaky breath into the microphone and speeds up the pacing of his hand to cause deliciously lewd wet sounds to seep their way into the call. He knows what he's doing, and he loves the way your breath hitches once you realize what's going on.

Simeon

Sweet, sweet Simeon.... he's always so shy when it comes to touching himself

He rarely ever does it because of that- and he doesn't really ever get randomly horny, either.... but he's not one who's able to control rampaging thoughts when he sees you in quite a... revealing state

Really, he didn't mean to walk in on you after your shower! He apologizes profusely, genuinely regretful- but he'd be damned if he turned a blind eye to your body, dripping with water and absolutely dazzling.

He'll let out soft, small whimpers as he palms his cock through his pants, eventually giving in to desire as he can't help but picture your body underneath his as he worships every inch of your skin....

He's absolutely adorable when he masturbates; always so careful about how loud he is, where he is, who might come around.... and his face is flushed, he's sweating lightly and his voice is shaky as he lets out a small moan of your name

Sometimes you'll appear in his dreams as well, riding him oh-so gently and looking absolutely divine on top of him like that.... and he can't help but rub one out early in the morning before getting out of bed....

Solomon

This sorcerer has been alive for so long, gone through so many different phases and levels of desire and so much more

And over the years his desires have faded; despite having such a close bond with Lust itself.

But that doesn't mean his own lust is gone- oh no. He meets you, gets to know you, talks to you more and more and more....

And before he knows it, his hand is lingering a little to long on your arm, a knee pressed against yours unnecessarily; he's pulling you into his body and out of the way of passing demons, he's hovering a little too close for being just a friend at a club-

Oh ho ho, you bring out all the dirty little fantasies in this sorcerer's head.

He still may not masturbate a lot, mostly because he doesn't have the time/desire to no matter how lustful he may feel, but that doesn't stop his thoughts from constantly being filled with all the different ways he could fuck you.

Literally; you have consumed this man; mind, body and soul. He's down bad for you, and he's got the dirtiest fantasies playing in his head when he jerks off.

[thebisexualdogdad]

Smut prompt 131 with smart!R and his friends Lexi and Abby. Hint: It's eating pussy ;)

"Ugh can Mr Stanton make physics any more irritating," Abby groans, pushing her textbook to the side for a break.

Abby and Lexi are relaxing on your bed while you're sitting in a chair at the edge, books and notes spread out around you guys 

"Yeah I never want to read about physics again," you tell your friends. 

"This test is giving me such anxiety, he says it's basically worth as much of our grade as our final," Lexi adds. 

"I'm barely holding onto a B in this stupid class, if I fail this test my parents will be pissed," Abby sighs. 

"Well…. I know the fastest way to release anxiety," you state. 

"And that is?" Lexi asks. 

"I can go down on you guys," you say boldly. 

Both girls are stunned, looking to each other for a response.

"Are you serious?" Abby questions. 

"Very." 

Abby thinks about it for a moment before saying, "I'm in, I could use an orgasm, what about you Lex?

"Um… yeah okay," she says shyly. 

Abby climbs down the bed while you get rid of all your notes to make space for her to kneel in front of you, kissing you softly. 

Lexi watches the two of you kiss, already getting wet, she had secretly been crushing on you guys for months but never imagined anything like this happening. 

"Take your pants off," you tell Abby and she does so with a smile on her face. 

Now she's nude from the waste down and laying on her back so you can throw her legs over your shoulders. 

Kissing and nipping at her thighs you work her clit with your fingertip to get more turned on and it works. 

Your tongue finds her entrance, licking slowly to tease her a bit and she lets out a soft gasp. 

You begin to taste her arousal coating your tongue and you grip her thighs sure to leave nail indentations behind. 

Lexi intently watches you, your tongue occasionally appearing to swirl around her clit before diving back down to dip inside her. 

Abby is moaning and grabs Lexi by the back of the neck to bring her down to kiss her. 

She takes Lexi's hand and puts it on her breast squeezing it and now Lexi lets out a moan. 

"Damn Lex, I've always imagined you were a good kisser, I've touched myself thinking about you," Abby admits.

"Really?" Lexi says gulping.

"Do you really not know how hot you are? I'm sure you have too haven't you Y/N," Abby teases and you lift your head from between her legs to answer. 

"I've definitely jerked off thinking about both of you," you tell them. 

"Go ahead and kiss them Lexi, taste me on their tongue," Abby orders.

Lexi moves down so she can kiss you and she groans at the lingering taste of Abby.

"You want me to go down on you now?" You ask and Lexi nods. 

You help her out of her pants and underwear, positioning her in the same way as Abby, legs over your shoulders, spread open for you and you discover she is absolutely soaked. 

"Watching me eat Abby out really turned you on huh," you chuckle taking an experimental lick and Lexi can't help but moan. 

"That's so hot," Abby says kissing at Lexi's neck. 

Lexi is a mess while your tongue plays with her and her clit is throbbing from all the stimulation she's getting. 

You suck roughly on her clit and Lexi cries out. 

Feeling like Abby was being left out you slip two fingers from your right hand inside her, pumping them steadily while you continue eating out Lexi. 

Lexi's thighs begin to tremble meaning she's getting close so Abby reaches down and rubs tight circles over her clit making her cum all over your tongue. 

"Oh shit… holy fuck," she grunts as her stomach tenses and her legs clamp around your head. 

When her initial orgasm is over you slip two fingers from your left hand inside her to work her through her aftershocks while you turn your attention to Abby. 

You're sucking on Abby's clit while your hands fuck both of them and Abbys orgasm now washes over her. 

You have Abby and Lexi moaning and shaking through their climaxes, you could stay in this moment forever. 

When they've come down from their highs you take a few last licks to taste each of their releases.

"We should get back to studying," you say kissing Lexi on the thigh and getting up to grab your books from the floor.

"What about you?" Abby asks. 

"Don't worry about me, I have plenty to jerk off to later," you wink at them. 

[cas-rivaille]

HELLO, DEAR!

Undertaker here! How are you today?

I was thinking the other day and I remembered an idea of mine I requested some time ago to another blog and I wanted to see your point of view as well, if you're comfortable with it ofc! I'll change it a bit because I have more ideas about it than before.

What if, hear me out, Obey me!MC was Sukuna's vessel??

I was thinking about a Female!MC but if you want you can keep them gender neutral (I don't mind!). So let's get into it, shall we?

Some facts about MC before the Devildom:

- They've already eaten all Sukuna's fingers

-But they are able to keep him calm inside themselves because over the year they've been together, MC decided to approach him more (Ya know if you have to die with/for someone, at least know them better)

-Sukuna took a liking to the MC, even though he would never admit it. (I mean- They always visit him in his domain to talk to him, read together, play cards (yes. You heard me. The king of curses loves Poker and UNO) or chess, they always ask him where would he like to go eat something, offer him some of their food to let him try new things, ect. Sometimes, but only SOMETIMES, they let him take control (not fully but they both can talk from the same mouth and he has control over one side, while MC has control over the other one))

- Having said that, Sukuna's still a stinky sassy bastard King. He's still rude, acts like he doesn't care about them and always finds a way to let them down when they're too happy. If they're sad though, he doesn't hurt them more. Sometimes MC even asks him advice whenever they're in doubt and after his bulling he actually gives pretty good advice (if you consider extreme violence a good advice that is)

Anyway, MC was going to get executed when suddenly they fell into Devildom. Their file didn't mention Sukuna at all and MC noticed that because when they arrived covered in talismans and chains the demons were confused about it. So, they kept the King a secret until lesson 16.

After Belphegor's crushing hug, while MC (the one from the original timeline) is in Mammon's arm, before Barbatos Thanoses the other timeline, Sukuna heals them and takes fully control of their body (the tattoos, the fangs, the long black claws, the other pairs of eyes and arms appear).

Now, HOW would the brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos react?

If it is too much or I did something wrong, feel free to ignore this! It's okay! Love you and have a good day!

OH MY GOD ?? THIS IS FANTASTIC THANK YOU OMG !

(i think i'm gonna do it hc style for the individual characters feelings but also some dialogue n stuff and each hc thing for each character is written as like in the game like they all like MC except belphie for obvious reasons)

tags: swearing, lesson uhhh smth spoilers ?? i think like 16 ?? (lmk if i need to tag anything else)

also hi ‘taker🥺🥺 i’m good today,, had a bit of a rough morning but i got to see my partner so i feel better !! how are you ? :D

and without further ado..

MC who is Sukuna's Vessel

- hold up

- hold the fuck up

- it was confusing enough when there were two MCs and one of them was near death in mammon's arms

- but now the injured MC gets healed and comes back to life ? but has another set of arms and eyes and is covered in strange tattoos ?

- then the other MC disappears ?

- when the demon MC starts talking, their voice is different and what-

--

"What the fuck did you to do MC?" Sukuna hastily spits out, checking the body for any other injuries. MC's voice is back and talking out of the same mouth.

"Sukuna, stand down," MC says.

"But he almost killed you ! Without me we wouldn't be standing here right now !" Sukuna argues back.

"I'm aware of that, but we have to be civil about this and talk to them," MC responds sternly.

"Then I want to be present for it. I'm not letting anything happen to you- I mean me. Yes me because I die if you die and I'm too godly to die," Sukuna rambles out before retracting the other set of arms but leaving the tattoos. He opens one of the eyes and forms a mouth on MC's right cheek to watch and participate in the conversation.

All the brothers and Divolo looked stunned at the scene that just happened.

"Questions ?" MC jokingly asks.

--

Lucifer -

- what ?

- questions ? is MC joking ?

- who the fuck is talking out of MCs body and what jurisdiction does he have

- isnt MC supposed to be human ??

- what does this mean for their relationship ?

- why did MC keep it from him ?

- he looks at dia and barbatos with the most confused face

- looks back at MC equally confused

- def hurts his pride that he didn't know

--

"Explain"

Lucifer's confusion turns to anger because that's the only way he knows how to cope/react to this.

Sukuna starts talking.

"Show a little more respect. I'm a king after all."

"Don't be an ass," MC shoots back. MC looks at Lucifer a little embarrassed.

"Uh, so this is Sukuna. He's the king of curses ? We kind of share a body because... uhh... it's a very long story but i mean the gist of it is I ate his thousand year old fingers ? There was 20 of them because he had two sets of arms like you saw before- it was very gross- but i had to because of the energy they posses ? When you brought me here and I was covered in seals and chains, was when I was about to be executed because I have all of Sukuna in me. So,, he can do stuff like heal my body and give me cool powers ? I don't really know what else to say." MC rambles using awkward hand motions and finishes by scratching the back of their head.

"Way to make me sound like a total fucking loser," Sukuna glares at MC.

"For the love of god stop talking-" MC shoots back.

--

Mammon

- huh ? someone has been sharing a body with his MC the whole time ?

- were they present the whole time ?

- did they see him acting like an idiot in love ?

- was sukuna there during e v e r y conversation he's ever had w them

- never felt more insecure and betrayed tbh

- why wouldn't you tell him ? he was your first

</3

- wants you all to himself

- doesn't want to share you with some four armed idiot

--

"So he's just, there all the time ?" Mammon asks.

"Not really? He has a headspace and he usually just chills in there but he can watch what's going on if he wants to." MC responds.

"That makes me sound lazy," Sukuna complains.

"Well if you don't like how I describe you then maybe you can talk about yourself. You're very good at it," MC smirks.

"Fine. I can do whatever I want. We can trade who has control over MC's body. I have a large supply of cursed energy and will beat the shit out of the next person who touches MC," Sukuna glares at Belphie.

"Yeah beat them in poker maybe. But not mariokart. You suck at video games in the headspace," MC laughs.

--

Leviathan

- was that how MC was so good at video games ?

- because they spent hours on end with this guy in their head playing video games ?

- why didn't MC come to him to play games ?

- why is MC okay with sharing a body with Sukuna ?

- why can he be the one to share a body with MC ?

- why was MC playing video games with literally anyone else ?

--

"So let me get this straight, you are his fingers and now you share a body ? How does that even work ? That sounds like something out of the manga 'My best friend ate some ancient object and now shares a body with an immortal warrior'" Levi questions MC.

"Okay so, Sukuna lived a really long time ago. When he died, the only thing that survived were his fingers. They each hold an incredible amount of cursed energy and it's only his fingers so from there you can imagine how powerful he was with the rest of his body," MC explains.

"Okay but that doesn't tell me why you ate the fingers ?" Levi raises an eyebrow.

"Oh. So I went to a high school for Jujutsu sorcerers, which are people who can manipulate cursed energy, and once I ate the first one to save my friend from dying, my choices were to die now or eat all of Sukuna and then be executed because he would die with me," MC says as if them dying was nothing.

--

Satan

- why has he never heard about Sukuna in any of the books he's read ?

- he historically doesn't exist in anything the devildom has book-wise

- so who is he ?

- needs to find out everything he can about him

- is there a way to separate MC and Sukuna ?

- his blood is boiling at the thought of MC sharing a body with someone

--

"So you've basically had super human powers this entire time and elected to not tell us ?" Satan glares at MC.

"Well, when you put it like that it sounds bad. I just didn't want you all to meet Sukuna because he has a lot of anger issues and is quite an asshole and I was trying to avoid this entire conversation that is happening," MC sighs.

"Rude," Sukuna says.

"Anger issues. You think we couldn't deal with this ? Are you serious right now ?" Satan asks.

MC shrugs their shoulders nervously.

"How much do you actually know about what sharing a body with him does to you ?" Satan asks while looking at the small mouth and glaring.

"I mean, I get these marks because he had them when he was alive. He was also so powerful to the point he had four arms and another set of eyes, like you saw before. I get those when he takes over mostly, but I can kee him restrained. But the eye thing is why I've always had slits under my eyes because the eyes are the most common thing to show up. The arms don't really. But it's entirely painless so don't worry," MC somewhat calmly explains.

--

Asmodeus

- those marks make MC look so good wtf-

- not the time

- so this Sukuna person lived a thousand years ago ?

- what was this about jujutsu sorcery ?

- what even is that ?

- asmos not the brightest on the block but from the looks on his brothers faces none of them know what the fuck MC is talking about either.

- they've explained a little bit of it b there's still some missing info

- what is sharing a body really like

- how much of MCs body can change to be like Sukunas ?

--

"So how much of your body can he control ? What can he heal ? Could he bring you back from the dead ?" Asmo curiously asks.

"He can't control much because it's my body and I have a lot of raw power by myself. I don't know if he can bring us back from the dead. I don't think so though or else the Jujutsu school wouldn't have tried to execute me. He used to be able to bring us back when I hadn't eaten all of his fingers, but now I don't think he can," MC explains.

"So why do you let him live in your body if he can't do much for you ?" Asmo questions.

"Well one, I don't think there's a way to get him out-"

"I'm still here you know," Sukuna interrupts.

"You've made that clear," MC says before continuing, "And two he can do stuff for me. It's like a symbiotic relationship. I give him a host and he protects me."

--

Beelzebub

- protects MC ?

- that's his job

- why is someone else protecting MC ?

- overall confusion

- even tho MC has gone over it multiple times, he doesn't get how or why Sukuna is in MC's body

- maybe it's the shock

. was this why MC could challenge him to armwrestling and almost win ?

--

"So how long has he been in you ?" Beel asks.

"About a year," MC responds.

"Can he make you live longer aside from healing you ?" Beel asks hopefully.

"I'm sorry, I don't think so..." MC says while looking at the ground. They cross their arms. They look small, as if they aren't small enough compared to him already.

"So, what does this mean ? Now that your secret is out... are you going to stay in the devildom with us ? Or do you have to leave ?"

" If I leave I'll surely be executed when I go back to the human world. If I stay I don't know what will happen to me, but it's not up to me. It's up to you guys if you want me to stay. I understand if you want me to go, I was harboring a big secret and it's probably unnerving to know that you're never truly alone with me, but Sukuna actually cares about my boundaries even though he acts like he doesn't. There are some pluses and there are some drawbacks but ultimately you have to decide." MC responds, looking from brother to brother then at Dia and Barbatos

--

Belphie

- MC ? dead if you back to the human world ? doesn't bother him

- he doesn't care

- he hasn't known MC long enough to care

- diavolo may have told everyone that MC was a descendant of human Lilith and he told everyone the events that actually happened, but why should he have any attachment to MC

- MC isnt Lilith, and MC sure as hell doesn't like him after the events that happened today

- from what he's heard, MC dying would be good for the human world

--

"I say send MC back. What happens to them isnt our problem any more," Belphie says while under his magical restraints Diavolo put on him.

"Of course you would say that," Satan glares at him.

"Shut up Belphie !!" Mammon and Levi yell.

"You don't have any right to an opinion in this matter." Lucifer states.

"Belphie that's mean," Asmo says.

Beel frowns.

"I vote they stay. I like MC regardless, and if all I have to do is adjust to Sukuna then I'll do it," Beel says while looking Belphie dead in the eye.

There's a beat of silence.

"Me too," Mammon says.

"Hey ! I was going to say that !" Levi protests.

"Oooh~ Count me in !" Asmo says with a smile.

"I also think they should stay," Satan says and looks at MC.

"My personal preference is also that they stay, but Lord Diavolo it's up to you," Lucifer says and looks at Dia.

--

Diavolo

- he knew there was something off, but couldnt place his finger on it

- he also constantly got a powerful vibe from MC and this explains it

- he was very fond of MC and enjoyed their presence

- he knew what he was going to do

--

"Barbatos, what do you think ?" Dia asks him.

"The decision is up to you m'lord," Barbatos responds.

"Well Id also like the input of my trusty all knowing butler," Diavolo laughs.

"Then, I see no reason to send them back to the human world. They can live out their lives here and safe from the school that wants to execute them. It also wouldn't be an issue to get anyone from the human world here if MC so desired," Barbatos replied.

"Then it's settled ! Welcome to the devildom for the rest of your life MC!!" Diavolo smiled and welcomed MC with open arms.

MC smiled and accepted the hug.

--

Barbatos

- he didn't know all along, but he know when the timelines crossed and he had to erase the other

- MC was very near and dear to his heart though and he wasnt about to let them be killed

- just wants to keep MC safe

--

I HOPE I DID A GOOD JOB AND THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST REMEMBER TO FRINK SOME WATER ILY TAKER <3

- mars :)

[nialltlynch]

book challenge!!

thank u @flitwickslittlebrotha 💟💟 i am a little late but this was hard!!

favourite book from this year: alone with you in the ether - olivie blake

ebooks, audio books or prints? ebooks. let me confess something...i pirate almost all my books. i pirate almost everything first, actually. BUT I do buy things that i either really, really liked or things that i think come from a good place but is still a little rough and i like what the creator was going for so i send them money somehow. disclaimer: i have purchased most of the books mentioned herein

top five of all times: oh fuck off uhhhhhhh

a good man is hard to find and other stories - flannery o'connor

october country - ray bradbury

the stranger - albert camus

dark tales - shirley jackson

the faraway nearby - rebecca solnit

this is based primarily on things i could read again and again. i really only go back and read short story collections because i don't always have it in me to read novel length things...

faves for: (look this is gonna be really hard because i don't understand genres but oh well here we go)

sci-fi: do androids dream of electric sheep - philip k dick. on account of that's the only sci-fi i can remember actually reading. fun fact, ive attempted to watch blade runner (1982) at least three times and every time ive fallen asleep!

contemporary/romance: does gillian flynn count as contemporary? she's my wife, i love her. also i feel like these are two completely disparate genres why are they slashed here

historical fiction: does jude the obscure count? tbh i don't care. i just remember being in high school english and all the girlies were swooning over the scarlet pimpernel and at the time i was a cringe baby weaboo who only watched anime so now i have petty beef with "historical fiction" as a genre and it also doesn't help that i've never really been interested in historical stuff much anyway (though i'm willing to have my mind changed)

fantasy: this is totally a copout answer but... grimm's fairytales. the problem is this is such a fraught genre for me because spiritually it's my favorite genre but practically the vast majority of it sucks. or i guess i should say it isn't to my taste. sorry.

queer: on earth we're briefly gorgeous - ocean vuong has some immense staying power, so that i guess. i do want to say that i dont actually know what this means? like written by a queer person? contains queer perspectives? has queer characters in it?????

top 3 [canon] book couples:

jordan/declan (dreamer trilogy)

regan/aldo (alone with you in the ether)

sophie/howl (howl's moving castle)

(these aren't necessarily my faves, but just the ones ive been thinking of as of late)

top 3 book characters:

eleanor vance (the haunting of hill house)

hercule poirot

adam parrish

(these are characters i wanna put in little monogrammed koozies and carry in my purse)

book(s) with potential that didn't quite pull it off: imagine me saying this quietly after taking a long sip from my morning tea and staring distractedly out the window, unable to make eye contact.... s*mmer s*ns

book(s) that got you through something: not to be cliche but trc really did awaken something in me

book(s) you'd recommend: i suffer from i-have-bad-taste-and-no-one-can-know-it disease so I don't really have any random recs without knowing a person's taste but uhhhh i think it would be cool if more people read alone with you in the ether because i want to see pretty fanart and edits and stuff.

a genre you want a book recommended from: genre-defying books. those ones that dabble here and there and cut the pieces they want from this and take cues from that until what they've built is this patchwork mishmash that by all means shouldn't work so well yet something about it is so compelling. as i often say: thrill me.

i'm so sorry none of these are real answers. i don't think i like books. i talk too much. i think there's something wrong with me. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[syubub]

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

[racebox-of-higgars]

//plops down at table with three notebooks//

Good evening.

You shall now be the subject of my rambling and info-dumping, seeing as you have recently reblogged a post about invading your ask box to do just that.

So, buckle up, my beloved mutual, for I am about to talk your damn ears off.

We all know historians are heterosexist shabuire, yes? Yes? Good. So I've taken it upon myself to send an f-you to all of them and collect evidence for one of the historically accurate ships they so desperately try to erase. The one in question here is, of course, Alexander Hamilton x John Laurens, or more commonly known as Lams.

I've done... a lot of research, to put it mildly. And yes, as a matter of fact, I do consider reading letters from the late 1700s and screaming because I can feel my heart MELTING as research.

Anygay, there's a lot that I have right now so I'll just hit the highlights, because if I go completely in-depth with everything I've found, this'll be thousands of words longer.

The year is 1779. The month, April. The date... unknown. Which sucks. Alexander and John have fought together for years at this point and are very close... friends. This is the first time they've been truly separated. The letter open with:

"Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, my Dear Laurens, it might be in my power, by action rather than words, to convince you that I love you. I shall only tell you that ’till you bade us Adieu, I hardly knew the value you had taught my heart to set upon you. Indeed, my friend, it was not well done. You know the opinion I entertain of mankind, and how much it is my desire to preserve myself free from particular attachments, and to keep my happiness independent on the caprice of others. You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on condition that for my sake, if not for your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me."

So pretty much what this opening paragraph is saying is this: "*Sexual innuendo* And I'll keep telling you that until you die. So you know I hate everyone and don't want to have any attachments to anyone. But you've managed to worm your way into my heart, even though I didn't want it. So now that you've done it, please keep doing it, for you if not for me."

Now that's just hella gay. Like, hella fucking gay.

The middle paragraphs are mainly talk about the war, so skipping those for the end because that's when things get spicy as FUCK.

Alexander asks John to find him a wife and goes into great detail about exactly what he wants in a wife. I saw a theory somewhere (I can't remember where) that Alexander was actually describing John and yeah, it pretty much checks out. Keeping in mind deliberate irony is a thing.

So then he goes on to say: "...mind you do justice to the length of my nose and don't forget, that I ⟨– – – – –⟩." 'Nose' is a slang term. And the - - - - - are crossed out words. We'll get to those later.

The last sentence of this letter is: "I have gratified my feelings, by lengthening out the only kind of intercourse now in my power with my friend." and I find this. So. Sweet. He's pretty plainly missing John. And just- he uses the word intercourse. How- how is that platonic? This is gay. They're gay. It's gay.

In almost all the letters that survived, they're signed with "Yours", "Affectionately Yrs.", "Yrs most sincerely", "Yr affectionate", and "Yrs forever" from Alexander. "Adieu, my dear boy", "My love as usual", "You know the unalterable sentiments of your affectionate Laurens", and "Yours ever" all came from John, with the last being the most common. That's... also not terribly straight. Something additionally interesting is that John's father, Henry Laurens, called his wife, Elenor, "Dear girl." That would make it explicitly romantic in his eyes. John also called his wife that in the only surviving letter from him to her. Oh yeah, he's married and has a kid, btw.

So pretty much how that happened was John's boyfriend Francis Kinloch broke up with him, he banged Martha probably 'cause he was sad and pissed and had a lot of feelings, she got pregnant, then he married her out of pity. Alexander knew none of that. And they were really close. The only reason he found out was because he happened to stumble upon some stuff he shouldn't have, and he was pissed. The whole paragraph about him detailing the wife he wanted? Pretty much petty payback.

Devoted is an interesting word, isn't it? Stronger than it's synonyms, such as caring or loyal. So if we skip ahead a few years, Alexander is engaged to Eliza. He tells John about this, John responds, and in his next letter he says: "...as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now." He's telling him, "Don't worry, I'll still love you as much as I always have. Just because I'm getting married, it doesn't change my feelings for you." Again. Heterosexual explanation? None.

" I hate Congress—I hate the army—I hate the world—I hate myself. The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you and Meade." Keep in mind that at this point now, Alexander was married. And he didn't include his wife in the exemptions. Only John and one of his closest friends, Richard Meade. Dunno 'bout you, but that seems rather telling to me. He also says at the end: "My ravings are for your own bosom." And I can't. His ravings are for John's heart I can't.

These are just some of the highlights of my nearly six thousand word book on this subject. I would happily copy/paste it all, but I'm not gonna subject you to that XD For full viewing the link is here, should you wish to listen to me ramble and rant in more detail.

Thank you for allowing me to dump this all on your lap, and I shall now bid you adieu. //vanishes back into the shadows//

HI, sorry it took me so long to answer this, I’ve had a pretty full-on day. 

This was actually super interesting to read. I actually did a little bit of research into this about a year ago, when I was writing Lams fanfiction, so I knew about the ‘cold in my professions, warm in my friendships” letter, but not any of the others, so thanks for this!! It was a really fascinating read, and I definitely learned a lot from reading it. Have a good day :)

[lemonjoonah]

I've been binge-reading your works and I'm amazed!!! I honestly look up to you and your writing! And if I may ask, don't you ever feel stressed when writing sometimes? I'm a New ARMY, and recently have been trying to write FF's and looking at your works for inspiration. Writing has been a chore for me, and ever since BTS, they've been helping me patch myself up. Your writing really brings a smile to my face. I honestly question how you find the fun in it? (ps. sorry if its too personal)

Hello New ARMY! 👋

I’m so glad you found BTS! They have a great way of coming to people at the right time, find us when we need them the most.

Thank you so much for reading my work! I’m a bit shook that you look to my stories for inspiration. 😳😊

I’m going to insert a cut here because this is going to get kinda long lol.

Nope not too personal at all, but to answer this question I am going to have to explain why I started writing. I found BTS when I was working a job that was basically killing me. I couldn’t sleep, I could barely eat, and my mind was always focused on the stress of work. Several months later I did finally step down from that role but I still felt like a failure. 

Funny thing though when you get adequate food and rest your creativity will often spike… and that was what sparked Under Fire, a story about girl who was struggling to keep herself afloat, who couldn’t stand the thought of being a burden, accepting her new situation and relying on others for help. Writing became my way to take my focus and attention off work, and put it into a constructive outlet that helped me find myself.

Now to answer your question, can writing stress me out sometimes? Absolutely! But the way that I see it there are different kinds of stress. There’s what I consider productive stress/anxiety and then there’s unhealthy stress (ex.: see above work life). Writing for me sometimes can slide into productive stress mode when I find a plot hole or get stuck on a scene. But I compare it to a puzzle, it can be difficult sometimes but I do it because I enjoy the challenge  and solving that puzzle is soooo fucking gratifying. 

Now if I ever slip into unhealthy stress that’s my cue to step away. Based on what kind of problem I’m having I’ll either jump to another scene that I’ve been looking forward to, go to one of my other stories, or stop entirely and recharge my creativity with a book or a tv show.

How do I find the fun in it? One of my favourite authors V.E Schwab has always had this saying that I absolutely live by, “Write for yourself.” Make sure that the plot of the story fully speaks to you and what you want. The important thing is to not force yourself into any uncomfortable situations that you know you don’t want to write or can’t write. 

Focus on what you love to write and make those aspects the staple of your first draft. For me I love writing dialogue and plot twists. I have several WIPs where it’s for the most part it’s just dialogue that ends in the twist. Will they ever see the light of day? Probably not, but that’s okay because I wrote them for myself. 

Many of my stories have a darker or sad side to them, but that’s only because (and this might sound weird) I actually enjoy writing scenes that make me cry. So if you don’t find enjoyment in writing angst you really don’t have to do it. For you right now it’s going to be about kindling that love for writing, don’t feel the need to challenge yourself just yet or your definitely not going to want to write. 

Writing is still going to feel like a chore sometimes unfortunately, especially when you have a scene that you find boring, but then I just like focus on the characters, I look for the things that I find interesting. I let my head slip into the world and try to understand the importance behind a scene and what they might be feeling.

Whatever you do don’t get dishearten. One more important point I want to make it that first drafts are allowed to suck. They are allowed to have gaps, often times going through and inserting more on the second draft is far less daunting. One time I wrote [insert reason as to why she would want to fuck him] in a draft because I was stuck and had to move forward. I often have about 5 drafts per story, (Beastly Gods actually had 10…) but on each draft I can see the improvements and it keeps me motivated!

Good luck with the writing! I hoped this helped, and if you have anymore questions feel free to reach out!

Me realizing how much I just rambled at you (oops lmao):