#these two are making me so VIOLENTLY ill
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and they'll be together forever! :]
foreshadowing
#gravity falls#my art#stan pines#stanley pines#stanford pines#stangst#gravity falls fanart#stan twins#pines family#book of bill#the book of bill#pines twins#PINES! PINES! PINES!#these two are making me so VIOLENTLY ill#explodes them with my mind#i cannot stop thinking abt them#gravity falls art#FUCK FILBRICK PINES#ALL MY HOMIES HATE FILBRICK PINES#also stancest dni thank you kindly!!
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i love seeing the little interactions between mcsm characters. I love friendship and found family so much it's unreal. Makes me emotional to see how they all interact. Like when Jesse quotes jack back to himself in episode 3 when he compliments her (" just my perfect reflexes and photographic muscle memory 😝😋"). What if I start bawling my eyes out
#The season two gang makes me violently ill I'm not sorry#minecraft story mode#mcsm#jack mcsm#mcsm jack#Mcsm Jesse#jesse mcsm#It's late im emotional#I need to see more silly little interactions between season two gang OUGH they make me ill#When I say season two gang I'm refering to Jesse Petra jack Nurm and radar specifically#They're season two gang to me#That bit in episode five where Petra is so caught up in copying Jacks stance that she has to scramble to catch up to Jesse#Seeing Petra and radar tease each other#Nurm and Jesse calling jack and Petra softies#Jack accidentally scaring Radar. Twice.#UGH
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TABLET WENT DOWN FORA MINUTE SO I WAS REDUCED TO USING PAPER AND PEN. so anyway ive been watchign this show thats kinda neat u guys prolly never heard o it its called wondey luts
#OKAYOKAY SO IM NOT CAUGHT UP I THINK IM AT LIKE EP 8 NOW#I PROMMYYYYY IM STILL HERE IVE JUST BEEN BUSY W WORK AND FROLICKING LATELY#ive also been making SO MUCH OC STUFF THO. might share those eventually. but in the meantime. i hav these#NO MAIN TAGS bc i dont share wips to main tags. might finish this one eventually. maybe.#REALLY BEEN ENJOYING WONDERLUSTT THO LIKE I LOVEEEE THE STEAMPUNK STUFF GOIN ON.#runt is my fav as of now ofcorese ofcourse. TROY IS RLY FUNNY and i like watching blink lose his mind. I REALLY LIKED RIPLEY#AT FIRST I DIDNT KNOW WHAT ANIMAL SHE WAS but apparently she might just be human? mighta missed that. anyway i made her a hyrax#u ever seen a hyrax? google it right now. theyre so cute n funny lookin. or atleast a hyrax is what i had in mind when i drew her#I RLY LOVE RIPLEY AND RUNT TOOOO THEYRE SUCH GOOD BESTIEEEESSS I LOVE IT WHEN TWO PPL WHO LOVE BUILDING GET 2 BUILD TOGERTHR#AANNNNDDDDDD broooooo BROOOOOOO!!! PROFESSOR FUCKEN CROSS BACK AT IT AGAIN DUDE I WAS PUNCHIN AT THE AIR WHEN HE RETURNED#I WAS HOOTIN N HOLLERIN.LOSING MY MIND N SUCH. I LOVE ALASTYR SO SO MUCH HE MEANS EVERYHING TO ME#i loveeee this world bizly has built. is this campaign one o my favs? ehhhhh. maybe itll get cooler as we go along but#not super feeling it YET but im sure in time ill get deeper and more fixated on it#tobe fair tho i DO LOVEEE troy and the way hes sooo dumb and jock-bro type dude but also sooo unapologetically murderous?#violent and stupid is one of my FAVORITE COMBOS. nnow if only we could do w less 'shitting your pants' bits in this show#ILL WATCH MORE LATER!! in the meantime u get scraps. ENJOY.
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i dont wanna work anymoreeee
#personal#IT WAS SO BAD TODAY I LITERALLY HAVE SOBBED VIOLENTLY THE PAST TWO DAYS AT WORK AND FEEL ILL#abd sobbing and crying makes me feel so exhausted then i cant eat.#so thankful for my lovely gf being so comforting and patient and kind tho mwaaaaaaah to her!!!
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Thought I had today that I decided to doodle. Oh em gee I wonder what musical cleg’s been obsessing over for the last like month
#there is guaranteed to be like. almost ZERO FANFOM overlap here#the target demographic here is me and me only. HSJSKSK#anyway. anyway I love blood brothers so much#the narrator is something btw. or stranger.#I feel like he serves something’s purpose in like… the actual narrative but he reminds me more of stranger#also I think mrs Lyons as basil is SO fucking funny because like#they are quite similar… but they have like the exact opposite thing going on#basil is so afraid of abandonment and is deadest on sunny not leaving him#whereas mrs Lyons wants Mrs Johnstone as FAR away from her at all times as possible#JSJSKSK it’s even funnier because these BOTH stem from their abandonment issues.#genuinely though that mrs lyons and Mrs johnstone confrontation scene reminds me SO heavily of the basil fight#it’s also like. my favourite scene or at least it’s up there l#expect an analysis post on that one day#anyway. uh. these two. these two nestled in my head and are firmly staying there#they make me so sick so violently ill and I love them for it#omori#omori au#omori sunny#omori basil#blood brothers#don’t mind my designs for them btw. I had to do that and the designs I made grew on me so they’re canon in my mind now#<— excluding the outfits ofc#though tbf they don’t really have canon designs to begin with so… I’m right!!!!#hehe!!!#mrs johnstone#mrs lyons#woohoo
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[ID: A short Trigun web weaving. First is a quote from Antigonick by Anne Carson that says, "a husband or a child can be replaced / but who can grow me a new brother". Second is the manga panel from the last chapter of Trimax of Knives' apple tree. End ID]
#well aware that i've been beaten to it but listen. i NEEDED to exorcize this from my gallery. thank you to that other web weaving#for convincing me to do so#described#described by me#trigun#trimax#trimax spoilers#my web weavings#my posts#kay talks#do NOT hit me up about how knives and vash were hand in unlovable hand about immortality for sooo fucking long and knives just. quit.#HE was the brother out of the two to kill himself. what the fucking hell.#i swear to god i cannot talk about it it makes me so violently ill#trigun spoilers#i literally keep forgetting to tag that#i freely confess i am not aware enough of 'antigonick' to make an actual analysis but the part the quote is from#is followed by 'i'm alone on my insides i died long ago' which is.#well it sure is something when you think about final-chapter vash isn't it!!!#vash saverem#knives saverem#<- character tagging for organization now :)
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unable to let go
something something both of these fuckers have spent so long depending on each other that they cant function w/o the other guy despite Tashi's continously worsening mental state and unhealthy clinginess and Soup's desire to explore the world and meet new people...
like the thing about soup is that she had never really been a person who does well stuck in one place for too long, but also tashi is her brother. theyve been through hell and back together and she feels immense guilt for even considering having a life outside of their little family, and also she has NOT worked through her gladiator trauma AT ALL and has been just holding everything in and trying to be a perfect caring figure despite all the anger and frustration she experiences on a daily basis...
(tashi is dealing with that too, but hes never been as good as her at hiding it, and also he has the tendency to make this stuff everyones problem - thus sidelining soups problems by accident. i think soup is kind of what tashi desperately WANTS to be, in a way. on the outside shes the 'stoic selfless caregiver' and i think tashi is jealous of that, so much so that he sometimes forgets that soup is just as much a person with her own problems and desires and flaws as everyone else)
soup is frustrated by how shes been having to take more and more responsibilities as time goes on (bc of tashis Whole Thing and buddys fear of assuming any kind of leadership position) and a part of her loathes this life and she wants to leave. i think her and zoras relationship plays a big role in her feeling on the matter bc shes NOT part of the family, shes someone new and diffrent and thats enticing... also over the years soup had built up this calm easygoing persona that zora can see through, zora is very aware of soups violent past and she is not sfraid of it, giving soup a safe space to express those more negative feelings freely for the first time in YEARS
Its very hand in unlovable hand coded but they very much love each other still and thats kinda the problem
Also putting some notes on their younger selves here bc this feels relevant to how these two ended up
#my art#my funky guys#not very happy w how this thing turned out color- and rendering-wise but the lineart is fine ig#maybe ill rework this sometime#also. felt the need to focus on soup in this little rant bc i often catch myself diluting her character to just 'chill guy who is the sane#one here' and kinda treating her as an afterthought??? which. is not good. and i hate it. it makes me feel like IM tashi... eugh#anyways i wrote this to remind myself that shes got DEPTH and that shes not just an accessory to make the others look more tortured#and so that there is someone to comfort them!!!!!!!!#soup i love youuuuuuu im so sorry..........#i think of her as almost. '''domesticating'''' herself and living in fear of ever showing negative emotions bc thats what being a gladiator#was all about... she views those emotins as Objectively Bad and Violent and shes terrfied of being what haggar made her to be.#also ughh i hatee krita.... every time i draw in krita it comes out weirdly gummy and weird.. i always overdo it.... you can propably tell#but anyway. love these two<3 weird sibling dynamics my beloved..........
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*wheeze* slowly, but surely, working on art of them all
#bg3#myart#wip#I want to make every tav/companion pairing I have a dedicated. fancy piece.#these started with a concept for a wyll drawing that was very...storybook! inspired.#I would have been done all the linework for these two pieces by now had my weekend gone better :/#I was violently unwell for...about a week and a half? chronic illness bullshit. had started to feel better friday of last week...#...unfortunately fate had it that the weekend ended up being particularly stressful. so the pain returned anew.#it was. somewhat better today. but still not enough for me to really be productive in my free time :(#I will try to complete the linework tomorrow if all goes well. I really would like to start colouring them!#I have delightful colour schemes chosen...#gale/illamin piece has already been sketched in a notebook. once I finish these two- I will begin lining theirs!#illamin's connects to cadence's because they're intertwined like that. but I have yet to finish planning out cadence's piece.#I've gone back and forth on who I should romance with him...the thing with any of the companions is that they are all written to be-#-immensely compatible with each other. so writing a tav FOR a specific companion is a bit hard. often the tav could fit with any of them.#hell. I'm STILL working out details of jantar and corydalis' story & characters. because I can't be normal about this.#that aside- I DO have other. finished pieces...finally.#well. I had some long before... but I didn't want to post them because I wasn't happy with them.#so I went and finished new stuff that I DO like.#4. technically 5 drawings. all horror/horror adjacent in theme.#my extremely detailed hux painting is also NEARLY done. after months upon months of work.#and I continue to slowly chip away at the big scifi themed dbd piece I've had in progress.#I really never run out of things to draw and it's a bit torturous because I never have the time or energy to draw everything...
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putting these pages together for no particular reason
#(so i could come back to it later and think of an art idea)#SORRY i need to talk about stuff because aaaaa. ill make a side blog at some point i promise#i know the obvious parallel is ch2 and ch25 when yashiro was crying#especially if you look at it from doumeki's perspective with all his guilt and fear of becoming like his father#but if you shift the perspective to aoi and yashiro then these two work as well#both of them are so resigned to their suffering at this point and don't expect any help but doumeki shows up anyway#even if it was pure chance with aoi he still “saved” her and she tells him that she's able to do what she loves now because of him#and doumeki obviously couldn't have done anything to help yashiro when he was a child. but at least he saved him from hirata#which isn't even about hirata as a person#it's about hirata as this walking manifestation of violent homophobia and a way for yashiro to go through with his suicidal ideations#also. doumeki going to jail for 4 years in aoi's case and him being “forgotten” for 4 years in yashiro's.#he didn't even get to hear yashiro's “you saved me” because he was unconcious. and with aoi he was so focused on his guilt#that he probably didn't think about it this way either. no wonder “your sister was lucky she had you” made him cry#and no wonder he's so bitter and hurt post-time skip#oh doumeki chikara you sure are one of the characters ever (affectionate AND derogatory)
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i have been ! thrown off my rhythm !
#the amount of emotional whiplash i have experienced these past forty eight hours#(and like. the past few months) is honestly astounding lmao my brain hurts#on all levels except physical i am the rainbow loading circle of doom#unsure how i’m feeling or how to proceed so in the meantime i’m gonna gym rat and put it to the side#need to firm up friend plans hopefully another pogo walk w gray soon ! and two of my college friends have reached out to link and catch up#(one of which. heavy queer subtext our freshman year so ! should be interesting lmfao)#my therapist gave me homework to go hang out at a queer coffee shop to meet new people. a terrifying prospect#the thought of being w someone other than my ex still makes me ! violently physically ill !#but i need to put myself out there and start making some new friends#sam soliloquizes
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At first when i watched the movie i was like ok miguel is hot but hes so angry nd mean to my boy miles hes not babygirl like ppl led me to believe but now im stuck on miguel tiktok nd honestly i want him carnally
#.txt#spiderverse spoilers#tho the fangs rly got me i gasped when i saw that in the movie#i was like omg hiiii miguel#but then he was like 'imma have beef w a 15 yr old' nd i was like....okay dude .....#but i understand him tho but also his reasoning for everling lowley makes no sense#homie is so full of self hatered nd hes making it everyones problem#nd ik he means well truely bc he thinks this is for the better#like lesser of the two evils type deal or smth#but also i dont agree w him#but ill never tell him i dont agree w him bc i think he wpuld rip me to shreds nd i personally dont want that#hes so scary#hes sooooo scary jesus christ#i love that peter was like 'nah he dont bute' but its bc hes probably never seen miguel that mad#bc no one rly goes against him#so he prob was so shook seeinf how angry nd violent he was towards miles#poor kid#miles means so much to me#its so devestating seeing what he goes thru#hes so strong i cant wait for yhe next movie
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wow i get it now.
#jesus fucking christ#ps#i cant fucking believe i have TWO THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS to pay off bc i went to the fucking doctor's when i was literally fucking dying#AND THEY DID FUCKING NOTHING HELPFUL ZERO THINGS THAT MADE ME FEEL BETTER AND GAVE ME ZERO FUCKING ANSWERS AND IM PAYING.#im paying two thousand fucking dollars. for fluids. for fluids and laying miserably in a fucking hospital bed for an hour and a half.#im literally never going to the fucking doctor ever again in my fucking life#why the fuck do i pay so goddamn much for health insurance#what even is the penalty for not having it besides having to pay all the hospital expenses WHICH DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER SINCE I AM ANYWAYS#im so fucking mad! i am fucking violent right now i want to fucking maim some people.#guess ill just fucking waste away at home WITHOUT spending thousands of dollars next time i literally cant eat or drink anything for days#if they had actually done ANYTHING to make sense of what i was ACTUALLY experiencing instead of giving me a fucking cop out answer#I WOULDNT BE THIS MAD!!!! BUT THEY FUCKING DIDNT AND I FUCKING AM!!!!#bullshit
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the mpreg episode of garth marenghis darkplace does more in 20 mins than any cronenberg movie
#well not naked lunch but thr rest of them#this show is so fucking stupid i love it#every time smth violent happens and richard ayoade looks at the camera clearly trying not to laugh it makes me lose it#matt berry is so good in it w his gayass haircut and earring i love his voice so mhch#thank u for ur time.... anyway was gonna polish my boots but im too tjred ill watch one or two more eps and go to bed i thimk#.diaries
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Castles crumbling by Taylor Swift is one of the few songs I can listen to endlessly on repeat
#normally if the same song comes on twice within like 3 hours of each other i feel violently ill#but i haven't listened to any other songs for the past two hours and i could ascend to heaven rn#i also get blessed with Hayley Williams' vocals so#this song also encapsulates what i envision my ideal character to be like#if you could make an edit of a character to this song chances are i would love them#in other words#extremely lovable characters who think everyone hates them or could hate them at the drop of a hat#characters who cling on to the people close to them through any means necessary because the idea of being alone is their biggest fear#im going to stop now before i start describing characters that are just Me
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He's never known love, he's never socialized, his only friend betrayed him; "if you never cared for me, you'd kill me right now" = "if you ever harbored a shrew of love or affection for me, you wouldn't let me suffer any longer. You'd end me right here, right now."
She could've, she had the Eternal Sword. She killed him with her axe (a fair assumption to make, as when we cut back to Tabi, she's holding the axe and not the Sword). "If you ever harbored a shrew of love or affection for me, you wouldn't let me suffer any longer. You'd end me right here, right now." = "I did. I do. I can't bring myself to end you for good; call it weakness, call it misplaced pity or selfishness or mercy — I feel it all the same. I did. I do." ("I got to know you. I got to see who you are, who you unapologetically are; I can't bring myself to end you for good")
Something something Evbo telling Tabi to just kill him already if she didnt care about him and the iron swords often killing him slower to torture him something something
#OUGH THEY MAKE ME ILL /VPOS#i wanted to add my own thoughts to yours op — hope that was ok!#if you don't care to have this around tell me and i can take it down lol#anyways so. look how hard i can cry! /ref /vpos#seriously these two make me ILL. VIOLENTLY ILL I LOVE THEM AOUGH AND I NEED THEM TO BE BESTIES AGAIN SOBSSS#i SERIOUSLY think tabi DID care for evbo. even if JUST a teeeny tiny little bit. but she still did#she killed him and he came back: she COULDN'T have used the Eternal Sword bc that kills someone FOR GOOD. no matter what#also that seamless show of tabi's real weapon is a good way to show-don't-tell how tabi killed him: with her axe bc she couldnt kill him off#that's my theory at least
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Evidence of my state of mental health can easily be determined by how many candles I bring home from target
#more than one is already concerning im usually good at not buying them but once i start planning usage for them across the flat?#today i came home from ONLY BUYING CAT FOOD with five candles. all autumnal/Halloween themed and phenomenal. so.#also a cat on the crescent moon pillow. a skull drinking jar. the proper hair dye ive needed for two months. a Dracula cat toy.#bubble bath for my pain. and the cat food.#the patchouli and firewood candle that came in a cauldron ia already lit im very excited#I'm going to fix dinner and do my hair before a bath. the plan is early to bed and early to rise so we can go on a hike#im supposed to be on my period rn and its making me violently depressed and highstrung. ill go from fine to v unstable in a moment#the bipolar is making the hormonal swings worse so theres an explanation but an explanation doesnt make living it easier#i still feel like im suddenly off the deep end with no tangible explanation for it and im just falling apart#its a little terrifying and its hard not to feel alone in it. and defeated. i know its short term. but im exhausted.
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