#these two are almost certainly not getting together but I have zero idea of what is going to happen in the end

[yujeong]

i dunno i felt like win realized something after that ! didnt expect it to be him who will know first about Tonkla's "other" "bf" a.k.a Korn 👍🏻 hope win RUNS FROM tonkla now lol 😂

I'm sorry to say this anon, but Win isn't going anywhere. Win is deeply infatuated with Tonkla. My man likes him a LOT and the sex scene that happened in ep4 proved it. He let Tonkla do what he wanted - throw him on the couch, get on top of him and kiss him - and he kissed back after, like, two seconds. It didn't matter that Win learned Tonkla had a boyfriend, it didn't matter that Tonkla didn't give a shit about cheating on Korn with him, all that mattered was Tonkla wanting to have sex with him. And so, sex they had. It mattered so little, in fact, that it was Win's decision to fuck raw, not Tonkla's. In my eyes, Win did it on purpose; he was evidently very eager to please Tonkla at the moment, because subconsciously, he took it as a victory against Tonkla's boyfriend. "He chose me, not him." Maybe I'm exaggerating, but it wasn't only Tonkla who was having the time of his life getting fucked against the wall. Win's actions said it all, as well as his expressions. After that, of course, came the realization of what Tonkla is really doing, which is what we saw in the episode. Win understands he's being used and he's sad about it, but maybe the real reason he's so sad is because he knows he can't put a stop to it. He likes Tonkla too much for that. I really want to give Win a hug. He certainly needs it.

[celandeline]

I had an idea for a Farleigh one shot where you’re kind of a “friends with benefits” type situation. You certainly aren’t “dating” but it’s very clear you’re together type thing. He ends up getting with someone else, you obviously aren’t happy, so you bring a different guy to a Halloween party at Saltburn after ignoring Farleigh for a bit. I’d love for you to write it if you’d want to!! I absolutely LOVE your writing!! 💕🫶🏻

anything for you baby <3

i did take some creative liberties, since Halloween is during the fall semester i set it at Oxford, but i hope you still like it!

Together-Together

For two months now, you’ve considered Farleigh ‘yours’, in a sense. 

It’s an unspoken ownership that goes two ways - you spend most of your time together after all, given that you’re in most of the same classes and are both members of Felix’s little circle. It’s only natural that you’ve grown to like him, underneath the bitchy persona he puts on for Felix’s entertainment - and, based on the fact that he holds your hand when he fucks you, you assume that he likes you too. You’re not together - you’ve never discussed being together - but at the same time, you are. 

So when you watch him press some guy dressed as a sexy Dracula up against the wall like he’s going to kiss him, you get a little mad. Rightfully so, in your opinion. 

“What the fuck.” You say, louder than you intend to. Next to you, Annabel turns away from the makeshift bar (two folding tables manned by some guys you recognize from the rowing team), and follows your line of sight, zeroing in on Farleigh and his guy on the other side of the common room. 

“What the fuck.” Annabel agrees with you, pulling you closer to her so that she doesn’t have to shout over the music. “I thought you guys were fucking?”

“We are.” You say, still watching Farleigh over her shoulder. It’s like watching a car wreck - you can’t look away as he leans down to whisper in his ear, a flirtatious grin on his face. You can’t hear what he says - of course not, the music is loud enough to shake the walls of the dorm - but your stomach sinks anyway. “I mean, I thought we were.”

“Then what the fuck is he doing?” Annabel sounds more pissed than you feel, which almost makes you laugh - until you watch that boy nip at Farleigh’s earlobe and another rush of anger shoots through you.

“I don’t know.” You say. It’s the first time - you think, at least - that this has happened since the first time you fucked. Technically, he’s not doing anything wrong, you’re decidedly not together, but it still feels like he’s cheating. He was the one who extended you an invite to this party, anyway - you picked out costumes together. Granted, they aren’t matching, but the principle still stands. 

Annabel scoffs, rolling her eyes as she sips at her drink. “He’s such a bitch sometimes.” She says. “I can’t understand why you hang out with him so much.”

Because you like him. The words dance on the tip of your tongue, but you don’t say them, too busy watching Farleigh mouth at the boy's neck, his arm that isn’t leaning up against the wall sliding around the guys waist. Bile rises in your throat. “I’ve gotta use the loo.”

You don’t hear what Annabel says as you pull away, pushing through the crowds of your peers until you reach the communal bathrooms and shoulder the door open, darting into the nearest stall and locking the door behind you. You sit down on the toilet seat, staring ahead at the inoffensive gray of the stall door, the image of Farleigh feeling up someone else replaying in your head. 

Fuck. 

You shouldn't feel as upset as you do. You’re not together. You just spend most of your day with him and hang out with all the same people and fuck on the regular. And sometimes he tells you that he loves you when he’s drunk. But you’re not together. So, technically, he can do whatever - whoever - he wants. 

And that means you can too, if you want. 

You don’t really want to - you’d thought, since Farleigh asked you to come to this party, you’d get drunk together and leave early to share a joint and fuck like you normally do - but obviously, he’s not an option anymore, at least for tonight. It’s whatever - if he’s going to fuck someone else, so will you. You don’t care. 

New resolve built, you rise from the toilet seat and walk out of the stall, fluffing your hair in the mirror before heading back into the fray of the common room. With new vigor, you dive into the crowd of dancing Oxford students, passing a sexy Marie Antoinette and a poor attempt at a fireman making out to get truly into the throng. With only the makeshift neon lights scattered about the common room as lighting, it’s hard to see anyone’s faces, so you don’t bother, grinning up at the first guy who saunters up to you.

“Hi.” You say, looking up at what you think is supposed to be Magic Mike. Or maybe one of the men in black gone sexy?

“Hey.” Your guy grins down at you. “Nice costume.”

You glance down at the half decent princess costume you’d gone out shopping with Farleigh for yesterday. “Thanks, you too.” You say. “Wanna dance?”

-

You wake up to the sound of someone banging on your dorm room door. 

The sharp pounding reverberates through your skull, and you groan, lifting your head off your pillow and forcing your eyes open. Your eyelashes, stuck together with last night's mascara, have to be pried apart with your fingers. You trip out of the sheets, and the guy from last night - Evan, you think his name was - grumbles in his sleep. Dressed only in one of Farleigh’s tee shirts he left here who knows when, you pull open the door.

“What the hell do you-” You start, only to have the anger die in your throat when you see exactly who is standing in front of you. Farleigh, looking like he also just rolled out of bed, brushes past you into your room, his eyes set on the guy sleeping in your bed. “Farleigh?”

Farleigh pays you no mind, ripping the sheet from Evan in one motion. Evan squawks, eyes shooting open to see Farleigh looking down at him. Evan just blinks up at him for a moment, before, “Who the hell are you-?”

At the same time, you round on Farleigh, yanking your bedsheets out of his grip. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” You hiss. “We were asleep-”

Farleigh’s gaze is still locked on Evan. “Get the fuck out.”

You laugh, mean and loud. “Oh, that’s rich.” You say. “You’ve got no fucking right, Start.”

Evan scrambles out of bed, gathering the few belongings he’d had with him when you’d tumbled into bed with him last night and dashing out the door, muttering, “Didn’t know you had a boyfriend…” as he passes you. Farleigh slams the door shut behind him, and for a moment the room is quiet. 

You toss your balled-up bedsheets back onto the mattress, and tip your chin up to look him in the eye, the image of him feeling up some guy replaying in your mind. “Well?”

“Well what?” He snaps back, tilting his head to the side. “Since when do you just bring random guys home?”

“Since when do you?” I turn it back around on him. “You’re a massive fucking hypocrite-”

He rolls his eyes, smiling in that way that tells you he’s really pissed off. “Maybe I just wanted some dick.”

“Maybe I did too.” You say. 

“Then why-” He starts, and then stops himself. “I thought that’s what I was for.”

“Well, you seemed like you were busy.” You snark. “What’s it matter anyway? It’s not like we’re together or anything, you’ve got no grounds to be jealous.”

“Neither do you.” He says, leaning down to get in your face. The smell of cigarettes is heavy on his breath as his eyes bore into yours. “It’s not like you to bring home some other guy, and Annabel told me you made yourself scarce after you guys saw me and Kieran. Sounds to me like blondie was a revenge fuck.” 

You have to stop yourself from bristling when he says the guy's name. Kieran. You’re not together. You have no right to be as possessive as your heart is telling you to be, but at the same time, he had no right to barge into your room and kick Evan out. 

“Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't.” You say, unwavering despite how close he is to you. “You still didn’t have any right to kick him out. We’re not together.”

You can see the wheels turning in his head as he bites into the side of his cheek. You’ve never seen him this angry, ever - not even at Felix. It’s a little vindicating, watching him get so worked up by something that was really his fault to begin with, and you have to stop yourself from grinning as he opens and closes his mouth. 

“Well.” He says. “Maybe we should be. Together.”

The words are sharp, and pierce through you one after another like bullets. “What, that’s how you’re going to ask?” You snap back. 

He rolls his eyes, his lips pressing into a thin line before he’s pulling you to him and kissing you like he’s hungry for it, all teeth and tongue. You pour yourself into him, grabbing at his shoulders and sweeping your tongue over any part of his mouth you can reach, your teeth finding purchase in his bottom lip. You bite down hard, and he groans, fingers digging into your hips. 

He pulls back, brow drawn. “Ow.”

“You are such a dick.” You say, tugging on his shirt until he pulls it off. You back him towards your bed, pulling your own shirt off and tossing it to the floor beside his. 

Farleigh drops onto your mattress, making himself comfortable amongst the pillows. “What else do you want me to say?” He asks. “I’m sorry?”

“Yeah, maybe!” You kick off your underwear, and pull the drawstring of his sweatpants loose so that he can kick them off. His boxers go with him, and you take your place on top of him, straddling him so that your hips slide together.

“Oh fuck - I’m sorry.” He says, eyelids dropping to half-mast as he watches you grind on him. “I didn’t think you would have cared-”

“Why wouldn’t I care?” You say, bringing a hand up to his face to tilt his head up, eyes narrowing at the hickey under his jaw that you didn’t leave. Still grinding, you dip your head into his neck, biting and sucking a line of marks. 

“Because - mm - we weren’t - ah - together.” He chokes out, hips canting up into yours as you bite harshly into the tender skin. 

“Just because we weren’t together doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have cared if you were fucking other people.” You say, sitting back on your heels to look down at him. “Obviously I cared.”

“I know that now.” He says, watching you rise up onto your knees, lining him up. His eyes find yours. “Did you let him hit without a condom?”

You roll your eyes. “Of course fucking not.” You say, sinking down on him in one smooth thrust. Even though you’re on the pill, you wouldn’t just let some dude hit raw - especially someone you’d just met. The way you trust Farleigh doesn’t extend to other men generally. “And don’t act like you didn’t storm in here all jealous too. You obviously cared if I was fucking someone else, why wouldn’t I have-?”

“Yes, okay, I was being stupid.” He says, panting as you begin to bounce, planting your hands on his chest for leverage. “I’m sorry.”

“And?” You prompt, watching his eyes flutter as you ride him. 

“And?” He whimpers, breathy and confused. 

“For waking me up…” You say, slowing down slightly. 

“And I’m sorry for waking you up, please just fuck me.” He whines, pushing his hips up to meet yours. With a grin, you resume your galloping pace, watching him pant and keen underneath you. It’s as good as it is every time - you know his body well enough to know that if you run your nails down his chest he’ll moan, and he knows you in the same way, so he grabs your hips to force you up and down his cock faster, and throws his head back against the pillows so you can lick a stripe up along the side, sucking the lobe of his ear into your mouth. 

He moans, loud and unabashed, and if this wasn’t a regular occurrence you would be embarrassed because there's no way your neighbors didn’t hear that. But, used to it as you are, you just roll your eyes, and slap your palm over his mouth, muffling his whining. “You are so loud.”

Whatever he says is swallowed up by your hand, but the look on his face sums it up for you. You laugh, and bring your other hand up to rest at the base of his throat. You don’t squeeze, but the simple feeling of the weight there is enough to have his eyes rolling up into the back of his head. 

Hands still covering his mouth and throat, your attention shifts to your own pleasure. You didn’t get to cum last night - it took Evan all of three thrusts before he was grunting and shuddering on top of you, and it made you miss Farleigh more than anything else. It makes the sweetness of knowing he was jealous too all the more potent as you're riding him like a prized stallion and he's looking like he’s about to ascend to the heavens with your hand over his mouth. It’s good. It’s always so good with him, even when you’re just hanging out - even when you’re just together in the same room. There’s not many people in the world you can say that honestly about, but Farleigh is one of them. 

The coil in your gut tightening, you lean back down to nip at the side of his neck, and whisper, “I love you.”

His responding groan is loud enough that your hand barely does anything to quiet it, and before you know it, Farleigh’s prying you away from his mouth and throat, pinning you to his chest and rolling so that he’s on top, never pulling out. Tucking his head into the crook of your neck, he resumes fucking into you, hips knocking against each other as he pants into your ear. 

“Mm, fuck, love you too.” He keens. “Love you so much I got - ah - scared. I’m so sorry about last night, please forgive me, please please-”

“Oh, fuck, yes I forgive you, I already did-” You gasp as he ruts against you. It’s delicious, the way your bodies slide together. There’s something about the way that his chest lays over yours that makes your heart swell, and the feeling of his curls tickling the side of your face is like a thousand butterfly kisses. With how keyed up you already are, it doesn’t take much. “Ah- Farleigh-!”

He lets out a long string of tiny moans as he follows you over the white hot edge, punctuating each thrust with a raspy grunt until he stills, slumping down against you. For a moment, the room is quiet. You wrap an arm around Farleigh’s shoulders, hugging him to you. 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles into your neck.

“It’s cool.” You say. “We’re cool. I’m sorry too.”

“Cool.” He says. “Will you be my-?”

He doesn’t even get the full question out before you’re answering. “Yes. Duh.”

[teeny-tiny-revenge]

Came across this in a fic again and I have to vent for a moment here: Ed's hair isn't unclean or not taken care of. Ever. Even at his lowest, in the first two episodes of season two, his hair is light and blows with the wind, it's got perfect waves, there is zero grime in it. Impossible Birds Ed hair has clearly been fairly recently washed, combed out and conditioned. Ed canonically loves soap, and you don't get that hair without owning a comb or brush and frequently working oil into it. He's at sea! The air is salty! It'll dry out your hair, but Ed's hair doesn't ever look dried out. The day he decides to commit suicide he puts his hair up into a lovely bun, with whispy stands framing his face. I have no idea what some people are watching, because Ed taking meticulous care (and most likely also putting pride and love) into his hair is clear, on-screen canon.

Like, if you want to write about how he was neglecting himself in his depression Kraken era? There's plenty there for you on screen as well! He sobs all night, probably sleeps on the floor if he sleeps at all. He doesn't wear his knee brace. He drinks and does drugs (and admits to that being poison to Frenchie!). He's pushing everyone away, he's pushing himself hard into a role that made him passively suicidal even before the breakup depression. He doesn't watch his back during raids At All. There's so much self harm there to address. If you want to, it would probably be plausible to add him not bothering to properly care for any wounds he might obtain during a raid. But he clearly doesn't neglect bathing and hair care. They're probably the only elements of self-care he actually still does during this dark time!

Even rock bottom Ed doesn't neglect his hair. And that says things about him! It's also something I'd love to see actually addressed in fic (will probably write it myself one of these days...): Taking good care of his hair, putting on jewelry, doing his makeup, these are things that seem to bring Ed joy or relief in his darkest moments. Where's my fic about these quiet moments of self-care being a straw he clutches to when everything else is terrible?

I love a good bathing together/doing each other's hair fic. It's intimate and loving! And Stede and Ed are prime material to write a mutual caretaking and bonding over it couple! Ed canonically loves soap and taking care of his hair! And Stede brought an entire fucking bathtub on a ship, the wonderful madman. S1 Stede's hair is always carefully curled, and we know that's not its natural state (it's wavy but not in this manner) from seeing him in S2, away from his certainly plentiful bath and grooming equipment. Stede probably has an hour of daily hair routine! We know he has nice smelling, probably expensive soaps. Where's the fic where they share in this?

There's so much potential! They can show each other their favourite care products! Sometimes they'll work on each other and sometimes not at all! Ed's rich hair oils will make Stede's hair all sticky and weird! Ed will think it's hilarious and adorable, he'll try to ruffle his hair and make it stick up worse and Stede will pout! 🥺 He'll look like this, just with weird spiky hair! One ill-advised day they try putting Stede's curlers in Ed's hair and then they almost can't get them back out because Ed's hair is so long and has lots of natural wave and it'll cling to the curlers and it's awful (they laugh about it afterwards, once Ed has very carefully brushed his hair out again and it no longer pulls at his scalp).

Makeup was a thing done by men and women at the time, especially for aristocrats (as seen in Episode 5), so Stede will know his way around hoity toity makeup, meaning rouges and whites (contained lots of lead, yuck!). Meanwhile Ed does pirate costume makeup for Blackbeard endeavours, that's a whole different thing. And both of these are makeups they don't actually enjoy doing (Stede avoids heavy makeup for the party, and Ed's Kraken makeup is part of his whole Everything Is Awful And I'm Making Myself Feel That look). But we see Ed do nice makeup that seems to be him! On his supposed to be final day on Earth, he cleans away all the Kraken coal, he cleans up his cabin, he gets rid of drugs, booze, Izzy (everything that was harming him), he does up his hair really nice and in a style that's very much Not Blackbeard, and he puts on a gorgeous bit of eyeliner that really brings out his eyes. And now that they're safe and happy together, when Ed decides he wants to look pretty today, not only can Stede lose his marbles over the look, Ed can also show him how to make his own eyes pop like that. They can stand in front of their mirror together, giggling and trying not to poke anyone in the eye.

Like. This is a fancy bathroom items for fancy bathroom items couple. They will bond over their love of bubble baths and nice smelling soaps and soft oils for hair and skin! They will learn each other's routines and how to do them just right for them. Let Stede learn that Ed loves his baths scalding hot (Stede has to wait a while for it to cool before he joins him in the tub because he'll get all pink and lightheaded). Let Ed learn how to put in Stede's curlers for him if Stede wants his hair to look extra fluffy the next day. Let Ed learn to massage Stede's back and Stede learn to massage Ed's knee. There's so much potential for loving caretaking with this ship. The trope doesn't at all require Ed to not know or not want to take care of his hair and hygiene. Fuck's sake.

[kanmom51]

Rebirth - Muse - JM

[**This post was written before the release of today's BTB and the little explanation JM gave us about Rebirth and Slow dance. What can I say other than just how much more my words feel relevant now. ]

As promised.

Thought I'd sneak this one in before Are you sure? lands, cause Idk, I just have this feeling that once it does we are up for 1 of two options:

I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of content we are getting that I'll be so dumbfounded and unable to post at all; Or, I will be so busy ruffling through everything running after my own tail trying to post post post post, that I will have zero time or ability to post this.

Long story short, this was the time. Do or die pretty much.

So Intro: Rebirth.

Before I get into the lyrics themselves I do want to go back to what we learnt from the Minimoni album exchange.

I kind of feel like a broken record here, but then again, I do think that obviously watching that exchange and my post on it can be a good starting point into understanding not only what Muse is all about, but also that out of all the songs on the album, Rebirth, in a sense, is just a little more personal than the others.

JM talks how the lyrics for this one were really hard to write. He mentions this a couple of times.

This was also when JM talked it was hard to write about having a crush.

Before moving on and talking about the song itself I do want to clarify something here.

I was really surprised to see how people are interpreting this.

Do people not know what the meaning of the word crush is? Not only the actual term JM used in Korean (that perhaps got lost in translation), but the actual meaning of the word in English.

짝사랑 - this is the term JM used while talking to RM.

Which basically translates as unrequited or one sided love, which is just that if you understand the actual term of the word.

Go to Oxford dictionary and crush is described as: "a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable." And if you look up "infatuation" well: "an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something."

Now, when I heard the word crush that is exactly what I understood and it was funny for me to see that there were those that interpret the word as falling in love or being in love or similar to that, when crush means something else all together.

*Side note: JM's love life aside, knowing the concept of JM's album, it's easy to understand why he chose to use the idea of a crush as a metaphor to describe that short lived passion/excitement he was feeling with his work, telling us or showing us, with the development of the songs in the album, that indeed it is short lived and he was yet to find that long lasting feeling of excitement with the things he was doing (work/his art) - still searching for that "who".

Back to the meaning of crush.

As explained, a crush in English means an intense infatuation with another that is mostly unattainable. Two people can crush on each other, but it's a crush only as long as it is yet to be requited. Once it is reciprocated then it's no longer a crush. So, you can crush on someone unknowing that the other person has a crush on you. This crush can fizzle out and end in nothingness. But a crush evolve into a relationship if the two people involved move forward from it. Making that move forward towards each other.

This is what having a crush looks like:

And this is how it looks when you had a crush and are realizing that maybe, just maybe that person is reciprocating.

And this is when you have decided that he really is.

That was back in 2015 btw. August 2015 and December 2015. ALMOST 9 YEARS AGO.

Unattainable.

Short-lived.

Are we surprised JM wouldn't remember the last time he had a crush?

I will repeat this for the rows in the back that might not have heard. When JM says he doesn't remember the last time he had a crush, that doesn't mean he's single. Whoever thinks that is what he's saying needs a crash course in English and/or life.

A crash course in crush... lmao (yes, I am easily entertained).

So, JM had to turn to the youngest member of SGMB (lol) to remind him what it feels like to have a crush. And yet, as I have explained in the Minimoni post, Muse might not be autobiographical, but that doesn't mean that there aren't personal aspects to some of the songs, and the lyrics. Feelings expressed being real feelings drawn from his trove of inner thoughts, feelings and life and love experiences.

I will also add that although crushing is mostly one sided, and when it turns into more, as in the other party reciprocates, of course there are some of the feelings that linger. The rush, the want, the need. But at the same time things change in that the other side is feeling the same. When you look at them, they look back, gazes linger rather than avoiding eye contact, for example. There are the touches when crushing, and there are the touches, just as hesitant, after it becoming MORE. The first are one sided and usually hidden as something else (for example: "I just need to check your arm muscles for a sec"), while the second are two sided, intentional but at times hidden from others.

The differences might be so very slight at times, but if you have a keen eye you can definitley notice them. And they sure were noticeable when it came to Jikook.

Another thing before I start.

One word:

SERENDIPITY

Idk why, but I feel like Rebirth is a prequel to Serendipity. Even though Serendipity was not written by JM (although I do believe he had input into the song just like or even more so with John Billion - remember how JM says he's an American RM...), it most certainly was claimed by him and JK as theirs. You are me I am you being their trademarked catch phrase. A love ode from JM to JK. That song JM said he will gift his loved one and did. Followed by GCFT, JK's love ode to JM. And if I'm going down that road, well, if Rebirth is the prequel to Serendipity I'd say that Letter is the sequel to Serendipity. I kind of think I've mentioned this before in one of my posts about Letter.

Now that I'm done with my precursor, let's move on to the actual song. A song that out of the lot of them in this album seems to be the most personal. The only song that we didn't get to see the process of writing or recording of in content we have gotten so far for Muse (promotions now over).

[Verse] If I'm tryna be special Can I get closer to you? I can feel my heart pounding When your fingertips graze past me If I'm tryna be special So that I can sing while making eye contact with you I'll show you, baby Oh, I didn't realize Oh, I didn't think I'd care Oh my gosh, now I Won't hide You are the light in my darkness Like the sunshine vibe It spreads quietly [Chorus] That I want a real good love, good love, good love I'm tryna find a love, good love, real love I was in pitch black, but I couldn't stop thinking of you all day long I want to take one step and two steps closer without you knowing Stay with you, with you, with you, with you I will be your reason, rеason, reason, reason I hope this feeling rеaches you, to you, you To you [Outro] White clouds The wind passing by Floating petals It feels like it's been waiting just for us When that door opens When I get closer to you I'll tell you this I will be special all for you Special just for you For you (For you) For you (For you) I wanna be with you

I will share with you what went through my mind once listening to Rebirth, all while reading parts of the translated lyrics. The flashing scenes. Parts that screamed JK or Jikook.

"I can feel my heart pounding When your fingertips graze past me"

This:

And this:

And this:

And this:

More:

I can go on with this all day long. Being one of the most obvious sus behaviours with these two. But seeing that I don't want to exceed my image limit in this post I think this is where I will stop. Point made I guess.

"So that I can sing while making eye contact with you"

This was the first thing that came to mind:

😭😭

Although these did too:

And do we recall JK's sentiments about making eye contact with JM on stage?

They connect on stage. Before, during and at the end of the performance. We have seen it and they have told us so throughout the years.

Was that what JM was thinking of while writing that line?

This is clearly a line that is taken from his own personal experience. Singing while making eye contact is not something that regular people like you or I would come up with to express a feeling of love or want towards someone.

Drawing from his own emotions and experiences, how it is for him and how he might have used to wish it would be.

This line, more than any other is clearly that.

"Oh my gosh, now I Won't hide You are the light in my darkness" and "Like the sunshine vibe"

The latter, as JM explained to RM, was a word game/pun for which he asked permission from Taeyang to use in his song, seeing that his name literally means sun and Vibe was his song, lol.

But, we also know there is someone else, much closer to home, much closer period, that is referred to as the sun. Someone that makes JM happy. Someone that makes JM laugh even when he's sad. Someone that JM chose to go into the army with, together!!! Someone that is the other half of the sun and moon duo, the sun to JM's moon.

And what about this?

I'm tryna find a love, good love, real love

And he found it.

Coincidence? I don't think so.

"When that door opens When I get closer to you I'll tell you this I will be special all for you Special just for you For you (For you) For you (For you)

And he is. JM is special for JK. He has told and showed us this in so many ways in the past.

"I wanna be with you"

I wanna be with you...

Again, JM told us the songs aren't about his life, right? And yet, that doesn't mean they don't have a personal connection, that while writing he didn't take from his own experiences or feelings, that after writing he feels an emotional connection with the song, that even if not intended to it hits closer to home than others. And I feel like this is the case with Rebirth. I do believe that there is a reason it is the connecting song between Face and Muse. That there is a reason the interlude separates it from the rest of the songs.

[moonbeamwritings]

new year’s kiss

wc: 2.0k

pairing: gojo x gn!reader

warnings: gojo is his own warning, getting tipsy/drunk together

Throughout your years as a jujutsu sorcerer, being away from home is something that you can never quite get used to, especially not during the holidays, and especially not with Satoru Gojo as your traveling companion. Three days earlier, you and Gojo had been tasked with exorcizing curses in Sapporo — a simple, in and out style mission. Gojo deals with the larger, deadlier curse, while you deal with the smaller ones. A one-two punch. Easy.

“I like when you tag along, my trusty assistant,” he’d told you with one of his familiar self-assured smirks.

And you’d wanted to refuse the mission — he’s Satoru Gojo, after all. What could he possibly need you for? But when you went home later that night to get some things together, you wondered if even the strongest men get lonely sometimes, and with the way your heart tugged in your chest at the thought, you knew you couldn’t leave him alone.

So now you’re stuck sitting next to Gojo at the bar in the lobby of your hotel, nursing some sickeningly sweet cocktail as the wind whips just outside the windows, throwing snow through the air like bullets and bringing visibility down to a firm zero. You had a lot of ideas for how your New Year’s Eve would go, and this certainly wasn’t one of them. No good deed goes unpunished, after all.

“And you can’t use your teleportation because?”

You can already feel annoyance itching at your skin before Gojo even slings his arm around the back of your stool, fingertips skimming over the fabric of your sweater as he does. He smirks, peering at you over the dark frames of his sunglasses. Even inside, at night, they’re perched proudly on the bridge of his nose. “Because isn’t this more fun? Stuck in a hotel together, waiting out the storm on New Year’s Eve.” He leans closer as if to prove his point. “It’s like a romance novel. So dramatic!”

“Do you, like, get some sick enjoyment out of making my life miserable?”

Misery comes in all forms — your line of work has shown you as much. Your personal brand of misery takes human form in Satoru Gojo. What with his obnoxious self-confidence and inclination to tease. With the smug way he smiles or the annoyingly perfect way his hair sits across his forehead. He’s terrible, the most annoying man you’ve ever had the displeasure of working with. You want to throttle him or beat his ass, anything to make him zip it for even so much as a second. And a part of you, deep, deep down, also wants to kiss him on the mouth, though you’re not sure you can bring yourself to admit as much — at least not out loud.

The grin Gojo fixes you with is lazy and teasing. “Awww, come on,” he croons, pulling you by the shoulder to tuck you close to his side. “Cut me a little slack, huh? You know I love you.”

You remind yourself you’re supposed to be annoyed with him for leaving you stuck here, not focusing on the distracting way his pretty blue eyes sparkle beneath the lights overhead or the way his long, lithe fingers curl around an expensive glass of gin. Or the perfect way you fit against his side, the comforting smell of his cologne.

But you’re already too far gone, and you know it.

You roll your eyes, pushing at him in a futile attempt to get him to leave you alone. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now, get off.”

“I like this, though,” he pouts, making a big show of pretending to be hurt by your insistence. “Have you seen the weather outside? It’s freezing. I need your body heat to sustain me!”

“But we’re inside. It’s perfectly warm in here.”

He doesn’t move. “You’re no fun. How about this? We’ll make a deal.” 

“A deal?”

“Mhm.” He seems all too pleased with whatever’s swirling around in that strange noggin of his that you almost don’t want to know what he’s thinking. Almost. “You stay here with me, keep me all nice and toasty,” he goes as far as to hook his foot around the leg of your stool to pull you that much closer. “And drinks will be on me.” With the new proximity, your faces are dangerously close together, leaving your mouth dry and face hot. 

“How does that sound? Fair trade?”

When you don’t answer right away, he pushes his glasses up onto his head. He juts his lip out, making his eyes wide and watery and propping his chin in his hands to really sell the sad, lonely puppy look he’s going for. You sigh when you find that it’s more cute than annoying. He’s such a pain in the ass.

“Fine,” your eyes narrow as you point a stern finger in his direction, “but no funny business.”

He smirks, holding his palm up to you, “Sorcerer's honor.”

The problem with sweet specialty cocktails like the ones on the hotel’s bar menu is that you can’t taste the alcohol. The dangers and bitter taste of hard liquor are always hidden behind fancy glasses and saccharine goodness, masked by fruit juices, syrups, and sodas. They hit you before you even realize it, and suddenly you’re drunk and your tummy feels a little funny.

And as you blearily peer at the clock behind the bar — 11:55PM — you come to that very sobering realization. You’re not drunk, not completely, but your joints feel loose and your brain feels less wrinkled than it was an hour ago. You’re tipsy enough that you drop your head against Gojo’s shoulder without a second thought, and that’s enough to show you you’ve had more than you expected to.

Gojo’s not much better off. He’s got his own little collection of empty glasses on the bar in front of him, cheeks now a flushed, rosy pink. His arm has migrated from the back of your chair to right around your shoulders, his free hand hanging right in your peripheral vision.

You take another sip of your drink and set your sights on his fingers. They look a little lonely, you muse in your alcohol addled mind. What kind of person would you be if you left them like that? And on New Year’s Eve, no less. You’re not a monster.

You bring your hands up to fiddle with his fingers, holding his pinky in one hand and his pointer finger in the other before moving to pinch each digit between your pointer finger and thumb. It’s a mindless activity that distracts you from the alcohol and the almost possessive way Gojo keeps his foot looped around your chair and arm around your shoulders.

“You havin’ fun over there?”

You finally decided to weave your fingers through his and skirt your thumb along the back of his hand. His skin is smooth and soft beneath your fingertips. “Mhm.”

“You want another drink?”

Glancing at the clock again, you watch the numbers swim a bit before you blink. 11:58PM. “No, thanks.”

“M’kay.” He signals for the bartender and closes his tab with one resolute signature, dropping a few extra bills onto the counter as a tip. When he’s done, he pulls your hand up to his mouth and kisses the back of it before turning his attention back to the TV. The simple, almost nonchalant motion stirs butterflies in your stomach.

The alcohol has made you pliant, has dulled the sharp edges of annoyance that had tinged your nerves just an hour ago. You’re practically putty in Gojo’s hands now, so different from before that he can’t hide his dopey grin and warm cheeks. He’s just as bad, Gojo thinks as he nuzzles his cheek against your hair and squeezes your hand in his. Gin has stoked the flames that burn deep in his belly, and Gojo knows that the more he becomes acquainted with your touch, the more his resolve will falter. He’ll never be able to get enough. He won’t be satisfied until he memorizes every inch of your skin and every angle of your soul, and even then he’ll want more. Always more. 

Gojo thinks he deserves it. He deserves to be greedy. He deserves to put his heart on his sleeve and let it be held, let himself be held. You lose so much, give up so much when you’re a man like Satoru Gojo that he feels as if the universe owes him this tiny victory. It’s the least it can do for the hell it’s put him through.

And it’s that same selfish, yearning desire that forces a question from his throat like the snow falling outside. Fast and reckless. “Can I tell you a secret?”

You pull your head from his shoulder to meet his gaze, eager to be in on a smidge of unexpected gossip. “What is it?”

Gojo drinks in your undivided attention like ambrosia. The fire continues to rage, burning him from the inside out. “I’ve never had a New Year’s kiss before.”

The clock behind the bar flickers and turns — 11:59 PM — though neither of you are paying much mind to the time. 

The butterflies in your stomach multiply, fluttering up between your ribs and around your lungs, bringing the dull buzz of excitement with them. “Really?”

“Really.” He leans closer to you, and watches as your lips part, tongue darting out to wet them.

“I’d think a guy like you would have people lining up for a chance.” 

Gojo hangs onto your every word, playing over each syllable as he prays the sweet little cocktails you’ve been sipping on loosen your lips just a little more. “A guy like me?”

You shrug like you can’t find the right words. Hesitant. “You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know if I do, sweetheart,” You catch a hint of gin on his breath as his lips inch towards yours. When he’s close, but not quite there, Gojo’s voice dips into a purr, eyes drooping to fix you with a sultry, half-lidded expression. “Will you explain it to me? What kind of guy am I?”

Gone is the alcohol-fueled confidence that had you cuddled up to his side, taken over by a bashfulness that pulls Gojo’s lips into a smirk. You shift in your seat, but don’t back away. Your hand stays laced with his. You can do this. “You’re handsome and strong. Witty. Kind when you want to be.”

“Yeah?”

You can’t look him in the eye, not anymore, but you nod, fingers nervously fidgeting in his own. “Yeah.”

10...

Gojo’s heart starts to pound as the room breaks out in a chant. He feels pressed for time, frantic. Like if he doesn’t kiss you at midnight he might never get the chance again. He can’t mess this up.”I always thought you found me annoying.”

9...

You giggle, the air tickling Gojo’s lips as you do. “You annoy me when you tease me, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it.”

8...

“Sorry.”

7...

“You’re not.”

6...

He grins and the sight of it makes you smile, too. “No, not really.”

5...

4...

The chant of the countdown fills the beat of silence that lingers between you. Risking a glance between his eyes and the pout of his lips, you bring yourself to ask, “Do you think you’ll have any luck this year? With the kiss and all.”

3...

“Mm, I hope so. There’s someone I’ve really got my eye on.”

2...

“Do I know them?”

“I think you might.”

1...

The hotel lobby ceases to exist the moment the clock strikes twelve, and just as it bursts into cheers and Happy New Year’s, Gojo’s lips meet yours. The kiss is a hungry, clumsy mess that tastes like a devilish mix of hard liquor and cranberry juice. You savor every bit of it. Gojo’s hand slips from yours to cradle your cheek in his palm, touch featherlight and overwhelmingly gentle.

When he finally pulls away, Gojo’s face breaks into a grin, his long fingers brushing against the hair at the nape of your neck. “What did I tell you? A romance novel.”

The roll of your eyes is immediate, a knee jerk response. “Just shut up and kiss me.”

“So bossy.”

The next kiss is chaste, sweet. One that has your teeth bumping together as you grin into it. And this time when he pulls away, Gojo only has one thing to say, “Happy New Year, sweetheart.”

[literary-illuminati]

2024 Book Review #2 – He Who Drowned the World by Shelley Parker-Chan

I’ve had this sitting on my bookshelf since it came out but, as so often happens, having it just laying around meant it faded to the background whenever I was deciding what to read next. Not the worst case of that (there’s a lovely of Cyteen that’s been sitting on my dresser and shaming me for at least a year now), but certainly long enough for me to regret it.

The story is a direct sequel to She Who Became The Sun, a low fantasy retelling of the fall of the Yuan Dynasty and the ascension of Zhu Yuanzhang to the imperial throne – though in this universe the ‘real’ Zhu Yuanzhang died a starving peasant child, and his sister assumed his identity and his destiny of greatness, willing to do anything and everything it takes to force the world into alignment with it. The book starts with her having lost her right hand, and only gets more emphatic about making her prove it from there.

Aside from Zhu, the narration’s split between several different points of view that fill out the struggle for the future of China. The book honestly does a better job with multiple POVs than the vast majority of epic fantasy I’ve read – every one is a thematic mirror of Zhu on one level or another, and every one has an arc dedicated to the book’s twin fascinations of what it means to be willing to do anything to achieve what you want on one hand, and gender nonconformity and queerness in an intensely patriarchal traditional society on the other.

The actual plot of the story is almost episodic – Zhu encounters some new obstacle on her way to victoriously marching to the Mongol capital at Dadu that can’t be defeated with the blunt force she has available, and she and some collection of the supporting cast goes on an insane adventure to snatch victory regardless. Then every so often there’s a cutaway to Wang Baoxiang (who, among all the other POVs, is easily the one that comes closest to deuteragonist status) scheming his way through imperial court politics in Dadu in his incredibly operatic and self-degrading scheme for revenge on his dead brother. The plots start affecting each other quite early, but I’m pretty sure it’s only in the last twenty pages or so that the two of them actually meet face to face (it is in fact a minor plot point that Wang can’t recognize Zhu when he sees her). It all manages to feel like it’s capturing a whole swathe of political intrigue beyond any one person’s understanding and feel fairly well plotted and cohesive as it comes together. Not that there aren’t plenty of points where you have to just run with it and not push back at what the book’s telling you but nowhere where it’s serious or blatant enough to actually be an issue.

I’m not sure it’s a complaint per se, but one thing that did take some adjusting to is just how, melodramatic I suppose? All the POVs in the book feel very profoundly and effusively, and also have absolutely zero awareness or understanding of their own emotions. This is particularly acute with Wang and Madame Zhang, but in every case there’s just a lot of characters being driven by emotions too large to be contained within them. It kind of feels like a musical, in that respect (but absolutely no other, to be clear).

Anyways, this is a book with absolutely massive amounts of Gender in it. With like, literally one exception, every POV is to some great extent defined by struggling against their position in the gender system of medieval China, and all the issues doing so their entire lives has left them with (Zhu is far and away the most healthy and well-adjusted about this.) Importantly, being oppressed and marginalized for being a woman/effeminate man/eunuch is in no way edifying or ennobling – it’s mostly left everyone involved deeply damaged and full of coping mechanisms that serve them poorly and everyone around them far worse. There’s basically no mention of even the idea of solidarity among the oppressed here – Madame Zhang tortures, mutilates and kills her own maids and her husbands’ consorts whenever necessary, Wang operatic revenge plot involves befriending and seducing a queer prince knowing it will get him killed in the end, Ouyang hates how effeminate his body is and deals with this by becoming a pathological misogynist – even Zhu doesn’t spare much to think about the cause of woman’s liberation beyond herself and her wife.Given the state of a lot of modern genre lit I honestly found this rather refreshing.

As both cause and consequence of the choice of POVs, the book has a rather interesting relationship with normative masculinity. There’s, as far as I can tell, exactly two examples of successful heroic/virtuous normative masculinity in the book – General Zhang and the Grand Councillor of the Yuan – and despite both being really incredibly competent and fearsome on the battlefield and legitimately selfless and honorable, both end up condemned as traitors to their respective lieges (both indolent, vicious, and generally contemptible men without anything in the way of redeeming features, themselves) and dying unpleasantly after being outmanoeuvred in court intrigue. Victory in the end goes not to those who are cherished by their society but the ones who are overlooked and brutalized by it but are willing and able to do whatever it takes and use anything and everything they can to claw their way to the top despite it.

Speaking of – the overriding throughline of the story is what it means to be willing to do anything to achieve your life’s ambition. Being willing to endure pain and suffering goes without saying, and while the book does put its leads through the physical ringer, that’s not really what it’s interested in. Are you willing to spend the lives of those who trust and rely upon you? Sacrifice those you love, or ask them to die for you? Betray those who have only ever shown you kindness? Are you willing to degrade and humiliate yourself, or lie and betray your own hard-won and precarious identity? And once you’ve done all that, and finally achieved your heart’s desire – well, are you really sure it was all worth it? Three cases out of four in the book, at least, ended up regretting it in the end.

This is a book that’s very concerned with sex and sexuality but, like, very nearly exclusively in offputting or unpleasant ways. There’s something like a dozen sex scenes (okay, ‘scenes with sex in them’ is probably the less misleading description. If you come looking for porn you’ll be disappointed) in the book and of them I believe exactly one that you could characterize as enthusiastically consensual and mutually enjoyable. Maybe three, if you count the incredibly toxic relationship which boils down to asking for help dong self-harm and it turns into a sadomasochist thing. Which never becomes/is never understood as sexual by the people engaging in it but describing it is definitely the closest the book gets to erotica. In any event, just somewhat surprising to see so much sex paired with so little romance, relative to most modern stuff I’ve read. Ties into how alienated literally everyone is from their bodies, I suppose.

Also I really don’t know enough about the historical memory of the early Ming dynasty to know whether all the stuff about how Zhu knows what it’s like to be nothing and how she’ll reorder the world to care for everyone is supposed to read as really darkly ironic or not.

[ykiwrite]

letters to wednesday

"Don't even think about it."

You didn't even had a chance to say anything before she cut you off.

"What? I didn't make a noise-"

"You want me to dance with you, correct?"

It would be a lie if you said no and she would by all odds saw right through you. The dancefloor was overflowing with people, couples every now and then, teachers, even soloists. The observer she is, Wednesday must have caught you eyeing everyone and everything, smiling to some or dying in embarrassment.

Two of you occupied the farthest table possible in the dance hall because she insisted it's for the best and she has zero interest in watching this nonsense so it's better not to witness at all. Neither did Enids convincing help, it only added fuel to the fire when she said you two looked like a black hole in the corner ready to draw in anyone from afar due to matching black dresses no one dares to glance, let alone look at you for too long. That was the best compliment she got today, other than that it was dreadful. Too much of bright colors, lights way too bright, music was obnoxious and she regretted everything leading to this point.  All she did was silently count the minutes until it's acceptable to leave without looking too rude which was unusual for her. Since when did she care? Would hate to admit it but ever since you came along she noticed the unusually big number of situations she found herself in if it weren't for you she would avoid.

"How did you- okay well, maybe? Would it kill you to dance with me?"

"Yes, i'd rather take death as an option."

"Come on, it doesn't have to be long. Just a few minutes."

"Absolutely not, it's humiliating and the song choice is beyond acceptable."

"We didn't move from this table ever since we arrived. Plus, look at us. We both match and you can't deny we look the best out of everyone there. Let me remind you this black dress i had to wear because you wouldn't come to the dance if i didn't equals you owing me."

"The only thing i can agree with you on is the reason why we look so stunning is because of me. Otherwise you would pick some rainbow colored dress Enid made you wear."

"Wednesday please. It's not every year this happens."

"Good thing it doesn't. It shouldn't even happen at the first place."

Just like that you realized it's probably not worth it chasing after her stubborn self. Taking a glance once again for hundredth time around the room, leftovers on every table, alcohol of which you have no idea how it got imported, Enid most likely gathering a new gossip worthy stories in the corner, teachers talking with new faces you never seen before, it was starting to get dull and boring. Wednesday could recognize that face of yours clearly, it's her most known one after all. Except when she's with you but only she knows that. 

"Where are you going?" Wednesday questioned as you got up from your loyal seat you swear left your figure on it from how long you've been sitting. 

"Just outside for a bit. It's getting hot [in] here anyway. I'll come back in a few."

Cold, almost freezing stone did justice outside. Although not being as comfortable as that chair from the inside it was bearable for a quick stop. Pulling out your phone thinking Wednesday is not completely crazy when she says humanity is too dependent on it nowadays. She has her own way of thinking and you did appreciate the dynamic of you two. Somehow and for whatever unknown way you two work together. It was never a plan, much less expectation to fall in love with someone. Your only goal was to get out of this legal prison as soon as possible. Now you're not coming out alone after all.

As she writes her novels on the old fashioned typewriter, you are not far behind following her with a laptop on your lap making frequents visits to AO3 and Tumblr doing your own writing. She's not interested in that fanfiction stuff anyway. If anything you two certainly excel at together is shared, concerningly over detailed knowledge of serial killers. You are convinced that's on top of the list of reasons what made her adore you.

"This is not what a short break looks like."

Turning around only to be met with Wednesdays far better expression than it was looking at that dance inside. You must have lost track of time once you checked your phone.

"It's getting to an end anyway."

"Enid told me i should give this a chance. Precisely, you a chance. According to her we could  ‘close off this dance in a style’ or whatever's the meaning behind that" she said taking a empty seat next to you.

It was your out of the ordinary silence Wednesday made a remark of. Out of everyone in this school you are record holder for most spoken words with her that are not necessary life threats or morbid and existential philosophical quotes. That's something to be quite proud of. Which also means she can read you well.

"So, do you not want to go back inside?"

Shifting your gaze that found a spot on the moon to her, you were about to answer but stopped the moment your eyes met hers. Is this the thing Kafka wrote about, you wondered. All those letters made sense.

Wednesday was ethereal. Too shallow word to describe her. Yet you didn't allow yourself to let it be known out loud. What would she think, probably another saying of yours that caught your attention amongst all the things internet offers. No depth behind it, no genuine emotions, thrown into the sentence just because with no backing whatsoever.

You weren't aware Wednesday grew to love it. You weren't aware your cold and frightening girlfriend took interest in your ramblings over the months. You didn't know you were far better therapist than that woman she escaped from ever was.  What do you think the main topic of her parents calls was?

"You can say it" broke the silence.

"What exactly?"

She sighed as she took your hand, surprisingly warm hands that saved the warmth from inside intertwined with yours lifelessly cold.

"Shall we go?"

"Dorms?"

She nodded, overly prepared and ready to leave this place once and for all.

"Yeah. Let's go watch some documentary on unsolved murders." you proposed. Few steps ahead of her, hands never changed the positions from before when she tugged you to a halt.

You shot her questioning look as she shortened the distance to the point of her breath hitting you as she whispered "This is an exception, for you only."

Gently grabbing you before pulling you in for a embrace. It felt comforting, enough, odd gesture but all you can wish for. With your eyes shut tight it felt like eternity passed.

"That's all i'm getting for sitting 5 hours straight today?" you said through laughs.

"Maybe more at the dorm but don't be too greedy." 

lack of wednesday fics is wild

[lanafofana]

Get in losers we're adoring the wizard. I really really love how excited Gale gets in this moment of the weave scene.

He's positively gleeful the player managed to follow each of his instructions and produce the intended result.

There's, of course, the immense pride at his own teaching ability (humility thy name is not Gale). Delight at discovering his companion has a bit of talent at his favorite thing and can share in his appreciation for accomplishing something magical just for the fun of it.

There's even a measure of affection I would say because the player had no idea what he was planning with his little exercise. He says you're going to reach into the weave together and experience it the way he does but what the hell does that even mean? So there is great affection and appreciation in the fact the player put their trust in him and his instructions without question.

The man has no friends, not really. Certainly nothing like what he gets with the player thru circumstance alone (completely putting aside romance or whatever) you're just two people on the road in the middle of nowhere, spending time with each other because you have to. I'm almost positive the man is in his tent at the end of the day overthinking every single interaction, preparing topics of conversation he can have ready to go should the need arise. So connecting with anyone, especially after such a long and difficult isolation, and managing it through his favorite medium, is deeply important to him. He does not expect fellowship but he wants it more than anything.

So there's also relief. Relief that just maybe someone else will see something precious to him the same he does. The same beauty and wonder. He wants to be understood and seen so badly but has zero idea how to accomplish it and the only thing he thinks he has to work with, is magic. "You did it! You're channeling the weave!" Delight, surprise, excitement, relief. The wizard is chuffed as hell.

All while standing there in his dusty old man pajamas.

[sasaranurude]

For no reason other than I like the sound of my own voice (...sight of my own typed words...?) here's the character dynamics in 18trip that have managed to intrigue me from just the promotional content. Some shippy, some not. In no particular order

Akuta and Kiroku. Oh my gooodddd the sunny one and the gloomy one are friends... No way... And the way Kiroku smiles so softly when he talks about depending on Akuta for support!?!?!? Adorable!?!?!?

These two were simply made for the softest silliest slice of life shipfics. You know in your heart that they should be written walking around town getting ice cream together and having almost-confessions that get interrupted by a seagull stealing Kiroku's ice cream so Akuta tries to chase it down and get the ice cream back.

Renga and Liguang. They seem to have a bit of a rivalry going. Renga in general seems real fun as a character since he's trying so hard to be such a haughty celeb but even in his two minute interview he failed so bad at it, fumbling over his words and struggling to do basic celebrity things (bro you should be able to give some fanservice lol? The high schoolers are beating your ass). Love the bit about how he wants to live up to part ward mayors, he seems like a guy who desperately wants to be more than he is but doesn't know how to. Liguang is said to be the type who sees through facades to discern someone's competence, so there's so doubt that's why he's zeroed in on Renga. Excited to see where that goes--I hope we get Liguang tearing Renga to pieces so that Renga can build himself back up more confidently. That kind of dynamic can be super fun.

Kafka, Yukikaze, and the MC. I love that the MCs have a preexisting relationship with Kafka and Yukikaze. And it's both of them! Because they're siblings! I love that! Kafka can absolutely be a childhood friend for both of them! And obviously Yukikaze would be a cousin to both of them LMAO. (I don't know if we have concrete ages for the MCs, other than the male MC Kaede being older than the female MC Momiji, but I thiiink--just to make the writing smoother between gender choices--they'll probably put both of them in the 21-24 range between Kafka (20) and Yukikaze (25). I'd guess Kaede is 23 and Momiji is 22 bc again, the closer in age they are the more similarly they can be written so it's just for the sake of expedience, but I'm pulling these numbers out of my ass.)

ANYWAYS, ages provisionally established because those few years gain a bit more importance when you deal with characters who knew each other as kids... about the dynamic--Kafka's quotes in his quiz results MAKE this one. He likes the MC lots ("you're my number one, too", "guess I'll have to plan a strategy to become your number one") to the point that he's competitive about it with Yukikaze, their older cousin. Just, ohmygod, sickly little Kafka who cares about his childhood best friends so much, watching them look at their successful pro figure skater older cousin in awe, hoping to god they'll look at him with that much admiration and affection, and when a risky surgery finally saves him and he can get out there and be successful--he'll do anything to get his friends to look up to him the same way he used to look up to them, the way he saw them look up to Yukikaze--IT'S GETTING TO ME. We don't know how Yukikaze feels about any of this, but I kinda suspect it's a one-sided rivalry on Kafka's part lol. We'll see, it could be fun if it's a mutual rivalry for Kaede & Momiji's affection too. Also, mentioning it at the end since I know it squicks a lot of people, but the "cousin as first love" trope prevails in Japanese media, so there's also a reading of this situation wherein Kafka sees Yukikaze as a romantic rival. If this game takes off you will certainly see doujinshi where it's a love triangle lol. Since both siblings are around I like the idea of Kafka having a bisexual crisis because he realizes he's in love with BOTH the Hamasaki siblings, WHAT DOES HE DOOOO!! The more I write about Kafka the more I like him.

Muneuji and Ushio. I mean, I just spent way too much time talking about some childhood friends so I'm certainly not going to ignore the OTHER childhood friends. I like how both of them play around a bit with gendered expectations, with Muneuji looking feminine and speaking softly but wanting to hide his appearance entirely via his interests (space), while Ushio looks and acts like a rough lil delinquent but his main interest is being a patissier and fudanshi. Oh my god they're narrative foils, ykwim. Other than them depending on each other lots, we haven't seen how their dynamic will play out, so I'm interested to see how that goes. Like, does Ushio take Muneuji's helmet quirk in stride? Does he try to make him remove it, or maybe the opposite and will protect him from the fangirl helmet-removal gang to get his helmet back on? Either could be cute! We'll see! Oh, and I'm not sure how to word it, but there's also something I like about how their interests clash--space is, while, space, it's out there, can't get much farther from earth than space, and Muneuji engages with it by hiding himself and separating himself from the world. Sweets on the other hand are very much an in-your-body thing, forcing you to sit down and experience your own senses and be a part of the world. There's something nice that could be done with that contrast. Basically, what I'm saying is that if you wrote a BL about just these two, it could be SO thematically rich.

Toi and Ryui.

Yeah. Also on top of the codependency their theming goes crazy. An angel fortune teller with psychic acuity and a devilish charm-maker who's possessed by a ghost... Bro...

Nanaki and Kuguri. WHAT IS GOING ON BETWEEN THEM THAT NANAKI CALLS HIM KUGU-NII

KUGU-NII?? KUGU-NII?!?!?!?!?!? LIKE ok Nanaki is a musician from a musical family and Kuguri is an accomplished pianist. So it's not hard to imagine how they met. But becoming close enough that Nanaki relies on him and calls him Kugu-nii... Oh my god... I need to know...

Lightning round "character pairs I'm excited see interact but I have either very little or no basis at all for wanting that"

Nagi and anyone. I like Nagi. I like how he makes jokes with a flat affect. I want him to say strange things to people.

Netaro and anyone in day2. He's weird. I want him to interact with the children just for funnies. Especially Muneuji, I wanna see how the space kid and the alien get along.

Kafka and Toi. It's interesting that Kafka likes fortune telling. I won't psychoanalyze him about it again, but I could.

Netaro and Kinari. It's the engineer and the android and I need it. TEAR THAT ROBOT APART! PULL HIS GUTS OPEN AND SEE WHATS INSIDE!!!!!!

Chihiro and Toi. Toi's admiration for Chii is adorable. I wanna see how Chii interacts with a fan.

Chihiro and Ryui. Ryui, you're allowed to kill Chii if you get jealous of how much your brother likes him. I give you permission.

Liguang and Yukikaze. I want Liguang to treat this professional athlete who's older than him like a pet bunny. Who said that

Yodaka and Liguang. I like that they play mahjong together.

Yodaka and Netaro. I think if they talked the conversation would very very quickly leave the realm of the waking world and would simply not be comprehensible to outsiders. But they understand.

And ok eh yeah that's enough for now. Who knows if any of these will end up going how I'm thinking about them, or if more sides to the characters will be revealed that change my assumptions :)

[vgfm]

Predicting the Release of Deltarune Chapters 3, 4, and 5

a.k.a., “I spend way too much time analyzing a dev cycle that I do not fully understand and have no control over”

Undertale’s 8th anniversary has come and gone, and it’s left some fans feeling disappointed. I wasn’t expecting anything too major this year since the last three anniversaries were a bit of an anomaly. We’ve truly been spoiled to have gotten the Undertale concert, Chapter 2, and the Spamton Sweepstakes back-to-back-to-back. It’s easy to forget that the anniversaries before this were far more low-key affairs.

Even so, the 8th anniversary still felt a bit lacking. I had been hoping for a full status update post to the Deltarune website, but instead we got a much shorter update in the autumn newsletter. It’s true that we’ve gotten 3 other newsletters in the time since the 7th anniversary, and each has had tidbits of Deltarune news as well as their own share of fun extras. However, even all four newsletters combined seem to have less to say about Deltarune’s status than an annual update post usually does.

Fans who’ve been paying attention also seem a bit disappointed with the current progress of the game. Early status updates made it sound like Chapters 3, 4, and 5 were speeding along, while later ones make it sound like Chapter 3 has slowed to a crawl. I initially felt this way, but upon reflection I think this mindset is due to two main factors: (1) fans interpreting status updates overly optimistically, and (2) Toby sometimes using unclear language when describing the status of development.

I’ve poured over the recent newsletters, Deltarune’s past status updates, and Toby’s old tweets and interviews to get a better picture of how the game’s development is progressing. I also looked to the development of Chapters 1 and 2 to get an idea of what a completed chapter’s dev cycle looks like, and with that info I’ll try to piece together my best estimation for when Chapters 3 through 5 might finish.

Yes, I’ve hit peak hiatus brainrot and, like some others, I’ve run out of things to theorize about the game itself and now I’m trying to write a theory about game development, despite the fact that I have zero experience in game dev outside of making a couple of goofy low-effort mods. I want to emphasize that I’m doing this for fun and that I don’t want to rush Toby or his team—I’d like for Deltarune to take as long as it needs for the best result and for the team to not be overworked.

With all that said, before I can make a prediction, I must first break down my observations for each chapter’s development cycle so far. As mentioned, I’m pulling this info from newsletters, status updates, and Toby’s tweets and interviews. I won’t cite a source for every bullet point, but it’s not too hard to track down this information.

Note: Dates referred to here are release dates for products and status updates/posts. I’m aware that most major posts that Toby writes nowadays are made at least 1 month in advance due to the need for translation. To make things simple, I’m using the publishing dates instead of second-guessing the date of writing.

Chapter 1

Took roughly three years of total development time, from late 2015/early 2016 to October 2018

An unknown amount of early planning was done during and prior to Undertale’s development.

Toby and Temmie largely worked on this chapter alone

This chapter required creating the entire party-based battle system

This chapter required designing the entire Hometown and ensuring it would “set up” future events in the game properly

Except for composing some songs and writing the story, Toby didn’t work on any future chapters during Chapter 1’s development

My assessment is that this was almost certainly the hardest and most time-consuming chapter to develop. Toby had to create the game nearly from scratch with the fewest resources at his disposal. All future chapters benefited from using chapter 1 (and later 2) as a base and having things like Hometown already set up in advance

Chapter 2

Came out three years after Chapter 1, but Toby later said Chapter 2 only took 1.5 years of active development—beginning in May 2020 and releasing in September 2021. This 1.5 year period likely does not include planning and pre-production, since Toby tweeted about designing and writing parts of Chapter 2 prior to May 2020. However, this 1.5 year development period would include testing and other finishing touches.

The other 1.5 years prior to Ch 2’s full development were spent experimenting with other game engines, hiring team members, pre-production on Chapter 2, and planning future chapters of the story.

Toby finished outlining the rest of the game and writing most of the full game’s dialogue during and prior to Chapter 2’s development. Toby decided what all battles will be for Chapters 3 through 5 and most battles for the rest of the game. Toby also has all locations planned (in the form of text) for 3 through 5 at this time. This is all outlined in the 2020 status update.

After the first four months of active development, Toby guessed chapter 2 was 50-80% content-complete by the time of the Undertale 5th anniversary. He also projected that the game would be ready to enter beta testing by the end of 2020. 

Chapter 2 was in beta testing by April 2021 at the latest, since Toby tweeted about it at that time, so Chapter 2’s development phases can be broken down thusly:

Design (Pre-production; writing, planning, designing assets): Less than 1.5 years

Implementation (Active development; programming, graphics, creating battle assets and environments, music): 8-12 months

Finishing (testing, translating, polishing): 5-9 months

My assessment is that, although there was a 3-year time period leading up to both Chapter 1 and 2, it feels like Chapter 2’s development period got a lot more done. Toby has said that chapter 2 is the largest chapter in the game in many ways. Toby was working with a team starting with Chapter 2 and he was able to start planning and pre-production work on future chapters in the meantime, allowing for a much smoother start to Chapter 3’s development than chapters 1 and 2 had. Chapter 2’s release also seems to mark a shift in how Toby’s team structures their development phases, which I’ll go over in 3 through 5.

Chapters 3 through 5

Most early planning for chapters 3 through 5 was completed during chapter 2’s development, likely shortening the pre-production phase compared to previous chapters. However, Toby did mention in the 2022 update that “certain aspects” affecting 3 through 5 needed a while to set up. As of 2022, those “aspects” are now in place.

As of September of 2022, one year after Chapter 2’s release, Toby’s team is working on 3 through 5 in parallel and has already completed more than one chapter’s worth of “bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks”. I will elaborate on this in a bit.

In March of 2023, Toby’s team is primarily focused on finishing Chapter 3. We can say for certain that Chapter 3 entered active development in early 2023 at the latest

As of September 2023, Chapter 3 is in a fully playable state from start to finish and is presumably ready for alpha/beta testing

Chapter 3 seems to mark a slight shift in the team’s production order for each chapter. Chapter 2’s phases were outlined in the 2020 update as three phases: Design, Implementation, and Finishing. Based on context clues from last year’s update and this year’s newsletters, chapters 3 through 5 seem to be following a modified four-phase workflow:

Phase 1 – Design – writing the story, planning the game, and assigning roles to team members. It’s hard to quantify how long this took with chapters 1 and 2, but the good news is that most of this phase was completed for future chapters during chapter 2’s development, according to the 2020 status update. The 2022 update does imply that there was still some set up required leading into chapters 3 through 5. This could be connected with the rumored engine changes to GameMaker to allow multiple games to be launched from a single launcher. Either way, this set up was finished before the 2022 update and be presumed to be done for all three chapters.

Phase 2 – Early Implementation – I’ve split implementation into two phases for reasons I’ll explain in the next phase, though these two halves likely overlap. I suspect this first half of implementation involves preparing dialogue for translation (which was previously done as a finishing step for Chapters 1 and 2) and creating assets in bulk to plug into the game later. This phase is likely when the “chapter’s worth of bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks” mentioned in the 2022 update was created. Later newsletters imply that Chapter 3’s locations were in an earlier state of development than many fans expected, so I think Toby has artists and programmers design enemies, puzzles, and cutscenes in advance before areas are created to put them into. Chapter 3 seems to have completed the early implementation phase. Chapter 4 has had a significant chunk of this phase complete, based on the 2022 update, and currently 4 and 5 both seem to be in this phase, as of June 2023.

Phase 3 – Full Implementation – This consists of programming game world locations and assembling the full structure of the game. I believe this can be treated as a separate phase from the early implementation because (1) Toby mentioned in the 2020 update that he doesn’t draw map designs until the team starts programming, (2) Chapter 2’s maps had only just been started when its cutscenes, songs, bullet patterns, and other assets were nearly finished in 2020, and (3) Chapter 3 seemed to be early in this phase in 2023, despite more than a chapter’s worth of assets being created in 2022. Chapter 3 recently finished this phase, and chapters 4 and 5 likely haven’t gotten far in this phase or reached it yet. All implementation for Chapter 2 lasted between 8 and 12 months. It’s likely this will take less time per chapter for 3 through 5 due to Toby saying Chapter 2 was the longest in the game and Toby having more resources available to complete early implementation on 4 and 5 while 3 undergoes full implementation and the next step:

Phase 4 – Finishing – This is presumably the same as Chapter 2’s finishing phase, only with translation likely occurring earlier in the process, per the March 2023 newsletter. Chapter 3 recently entered this phase. This phase took anywhere from 5 to 9 months for chapter 2, depending on when that chapter entered beta.

Conclusions

Overall, we know that chapters 3 through 5 are using Chapter 2 as a base, Toby has a larger team and more resources available to him than ever before, and Chapters 3 through 5 are being developed in parallel. Chapters 3 through 5 also had the advantage of having most of their planning and design taken care of during Chapter 2’s development cycle. To reiterate, Chapter 2’s development ended up like this:

Design: Less than 1.5 years

Implementation: 8-12 months

Finishing: 5-9 months

Based on what we’ve heard regarding chapter 3, I think we can extrapolate the following timeline for Chapters 3 through 5 so far:

Design: FINISHED (all chapters). Less than 1 year – I’m not counting the design work on 3 through 5 that was already completed before Chapter 2 released. The 2022 update did hint at some form of set up or planning affecting 3 through 5 that had been resolved by September 2022—this makes one year of design the maximum possible amount in this development cycle, though it was likely considerably less

Early Implementation: FINISHED (Ch 3), IN-PROGRESS (4&5). 6-17 months – The 17 months figure is from adding up the year between the 6th and 7th anniversaries and ending at the March 2023 newsletter, when finishing chapter 3 was announced as now being the team’s main focus; this assumes that early production began as soon as Chapter 2 released and that priorities didn’t shift to Chapter 3 until right when the March newsletter came out. The 6 month figure is assuming that most of 2022 was spent on design and resolving the “factors” that affected 3 through 5, which is highly unlikely. We know that early implementation assets were worked on for chapters 3 and 4 simultaneously in 2022, and it’s likely that Chapter 3 alone would have taken less than a cumulative year at this stage. Extrapolating from where things were in 2022, I’d guess Chapters 4 and 5 are at least halfway done with this phase cumulatively.

Full Implementation: FINISHED? (Ch 3). 6-12 months – I base the 12 month figure off of the idea that focus switched to Chapter 3 immediately after the 2022 update and I base the 6 month figure off of the March 2023 newsletter being the point where focus shifted. Chapter 3 became fully playable in September 2023, marking a probable end date for this phase

Finishing: IN-PROGRESS? (Ch 3). Unknown. This could match the 5-9 months for Chapter 2. It’s also possible that 4 and 5 could move onto full implementation while 3’s playtesting takes place, since the latter can rely on people outside the team playing the game while members of the team are freed up to work on other things. Bumping up translation earlier in the pipeline might also shave some time off this phase.

The Prediction

Overall, I’m reasonably certain that Chapter 3 will be completely done within the next 6 months, barring some unforeseen difficulties. Game development can be unpredictable, so anything’s possible (especially delays). Toby has remarked on how strange chapter 3 is and he’s implied that some segments have had to be removed or cut down, so it’s possible this chapter was a lot more experimental and needed more time.

I’d say chapter 4 is, bare minimum, halfway through early implementation. More likely, I think it’s nearing the end of early implementation. I say this because having more than a chapter’s worth of assets completed in 2022 meant that not all of that was for chapter 3, and 2022’s update made it sound like 3 and 4’s progress was roughly neck-and-neck at the start of this phase—hence, half a chapter’s worth of assets done for 4. Obviously focus has shifted to chapter 3, but Toby did reiterate that assets are still being made for 4 and 5 during the summer newsletter, so it’s likely 4 has the majority of this phase done and 5 has made some progress.

Where do I think we’ll be in a year? The optimist in me would like to say that all three chapters will be done by next September, but I’m honestly doubtful. I think a more likely scenario is that 3, 4, and 5 will release sometime between the 2024 and 2025 anniversaries. If we’re lucky, then end of 2024 or early 2025. I think the best case scenario would be that Chapter 3 wraps up around the end of this year (or final testing frees up the team to focus on 4 by then) with Chapter 4 ready to have its maps created immediately afterwards (or already started). Chapter 4 would then enter testing in early-to-mid 2024, with chapter 5 following a few months after to be ready just in time at the end of the year.

I know it may sound bleak to some to be willing to wait another 1-2 years, but keep in mind that this pace is still much faster than what development has been so far. In six years we got two chapters of Deltarune. With my estimate, we’d be getting three chapters in 3-4 years. Chapter 2 took 1.5 years of dedicated development time, plus pre-production, whereas 3 through 5 seem poised to take less time per chapter. I predict that chapters 4 and 5 will go more smoothly, partly because they seem to be more “standard” chapters but also because the groundwork is already being laid for them while 3 is being finished. It took less than a year for Chapter 3 to go from a pile of assets to an assembled and test-ready game. At that pace, it wouldn’t take much longer for 4 and 5 to both bridge that gap—the only extra time will come from finishing up early implementation on 4 and 5 as well as testing each chapter.

I don’t have much else to say in terms of predictions, but I did write up a big timeline of Deltarune (and Undertale’s) development while making this post. I was originally going to put it at the beginning, but it was hard to parse and contained some redundant information. On top of that, Tumblr messed up the formatting so it may be a little hard to read.

Instead of placing the timeline front and center, I’m including it below for all you truck freaks out there who want to know where I pulled various dates from, or if you’ll just read anything Deltarune-related. For everyone else, this post is basically over now. Bye!

Timeline

2011

Toby is first inspired to make Deltarune from a dream (according to interviews)

2012

Toby attempts to create a Deltarune-like project but abandons it before creating Undertale

2013

May 23 - Undertale demo is released

2014

Toby develops Undertale and continues creating Deltarune concept art on the side (according to 2018 tweet). Toby also teases Deltarune’s existence on the Undertale Kickstarter at some point between 2013 and 2015

2015

September 15 – Undertale releases on PC and Mac

Toby creates and updates the Deltarune.com website between 2015 and 2016. Development on Deltarune chapter 1 likely begins in earnest in late 2015 or early 2016

2016

July 17 – Undertale releases on Linux

2017

August 15 – Undertale releases on PS4 and PS Vita

September 15 – Undertale 2nd Anniversary. Toby releases early draft of alarm clock dialogue. First mention of Rudy Holiday

2018

September 18 – Undertale releases on Switch

October 31 – Deltarune Chapter 1 releases on PC

According to Toby’s Twitlonger, Chapter 1 was content-complete “a little while” prior to October 4th and was still being translated as of the 4th. This implies that, during Chapter 1’s development, translation was one of the final steps. According to Toby, Chapter 1 took “a few years” to create. At this time he says 7 years is the maximum time he’d be willing to spend on a project. Toby announces his intent to release all remaining chapters at once. It’s implied that Toby created chapter 1 mostly on his own, with art by Temmie. He mentions wanting to hire a team for the rest of the game. Toby mentions that Chapter 1 needed to create the entire Hometown “correctly on the first try” in order to “set up properly for the rest of the game,” likely adding to development time. Toby says that apart from creating some songs and writing the whole story, he hasn’t completed any work on the other chapters at this point. Specifically, no programming or final art has been done.

According to later statements by Toby, he and his team will spend the next two years writing, composing, designing, and drawing content for future chapters

2019

February 28 – Deltarune chapter 1 releases on Switch and PS4

March – Early development on future chapters begins, but “99%” of the work at this time is spent on investigating alternative game engines to GameMaker. During this period, Toby continues planning the game and writing its story

April 18 – Toby tweets that he’s “making great progress designing Chapter 2” and posts concept art, indicating that the chapter is still in early development

June 12 – Toby tweets that he has “about 50” songs past Chapter 1 in various stages of completion, compared to Chapter 1’s 40 songs. He also mentions that he’s currently writing and drawing bosses, bullets, cutscenes, and characters for future chapters

July 5 – Toby reiterates via tweet that he plans to release all remaining chapters at the same time

September 15 – Undertale’s 4th anniversary and Deltarune Chapter 2 status update

Toby reveals annoying dog in toy car sprite from Chapter 2. Toby posts early versions of the songs Lost Girl and Welcome to the City. Toby posts concept art of Susie’s angry reaction to Noelle looking at her tail. Overall, Toby says the design of the game is going “really well” but that other aspects are “facing some hurdles”. This seems to imply that Chapter 2 is still in early development at this point.

2020

Around March or April, Toby experiences severe wrist pain that slows down his ability to develop the game

“A few months” prior to August/September, Toby completes readable outlines for every chapter in the game, including first-pass dialogue for almost all cutscenes. All major events and battles that will take place are now known. Toby also decides around this time to go back to GameMaker as the engine of choice for the full game

May – Deltarune chapter 2 begins full development, using Chapter 1 as a base

September 15 -  Undertale’s 5th anniversary concert and Deltarune Chapter 2 status update

Toby reveals he’s now working on a team with four full-time members (including himself) and other part-time members. Toby is designer and programmer. He also proposes hiring more people to work on Chapters 3 and beyond. Toby believes that Chapter 2, content-wise, will be done before the end of 2020 (not accounting for translation, bugtesting, and porting). This likely meant that, by the end of 2020, Chapter 2 was in an alpha or beta state where it could be played through from beginning to the end. Toby estimates that Chapter 2’s design/early development phase is 100% done. Toby estimates Chapter 2’s art is 90% done, Cutscenes are 80% done, Bullet patterns are 70%, other battle elements (ACTs) are 30%, audio is 80%, “other”/misc content is 65%. Chapter 2’s maps are mostly started or placeholder but with all NPC interactions completed. Toby reveals that he doesn’t draw his map designs until his team starts programming. Chapter 2’s balancing/bugfixing/translation/porting are all 0% done. Overall Toby suggests that Chapter 2 is between 50% and 80% done. Toby makes a distinction between Chapter’s 2 development and the development of remaining chapters. He also says that the game will be released in “many Chapters,” perhaps implying he was already reconsidering his goal of releasing all chapters at once at this time. Toby describes Chapters 3 and onward as having story and progression 100% done, cutscene dialogue 95% done. Ch 3+ Textual map design is 70% done overall and earlier chapters 100% done. “Earlier chapters” likely means 3 through 5. Drawn map design is 0% done. Ch 3+ enemy conceptual design is 90% done and bosses are 100% done. Enemy bullet designs are 80% done overall and 100% done in earlier chapters. Ch 3+ music concepts are 95% done, completed music is 50% done. Ch 3+ background concepts (first-pass) are 75% done. Ch 3+ bosses (first-pass) are 100% done. Ch 3+ sprite art is 20% done.

November 23 – Toby tweets the giant toilet from Chapter 2

2021

March 16 – Undertale releases on Xbox One

April 17 – Toby tweets about a friend playing the beta version of Chapter 2, confirming the game was in beta and undergoing playtesting around or prior to this time

July 20 – Toby tweets again about another friend playing the Chapter 2 beta

September 15 – Undertale 6th anniversary, Deltarune Chapter 2 announced

September 17 – Deltarune Chapter 2 is released

Toby’s team has expanded since the last status update and he considers expanding the team a little more. Toby says Chapter 2 was the biggest chapter in the game in many ways, including by cutscene count. Toby confirms changing his mind about releasing all chapters at once. Instead, Chapters 1 through 5 will be bundled together as a paid release once 3, 4, and 5 finish development.

September 23 – Deltarune Chapter 2 released on Switch and PS4

September 24 – Toby confirms in an interview that Chapter 2’s development took 1.5 years. This would line up with development starting in earnest around May 2020. Toby also confirms that chapter 2’s programming was handed over to another member of the team due to Toby’s wrist injury. Toby is now working as director on the project.

2022

February 9 – Toby posts concept art of future chapters

May 17 – Toby posts more concept art and mentions he’s gotten more people to help with development

September 15 – Undertale 7th anniversary

Toby’s team is simultaneously working on chapters 3, 4, and 5. Toby confirms more people have joined the team and the pace of creation has improved from Chapter 2. Most work completed has been for Chapters 3 and 4. Between 3, 4, and 5, the team has created more than one chapter’s worth of bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks (likely meaning puzzles). Toby mentions 3, 4, and 5 having “certain aspects” that took a while to set up but are now in place, which will make development go smoother. Toby releases screenshots and songs from chapters 3 and 4.

September 17 – The Spamton Sweepstakes

November 17 – Toby announces Undertale/Deltarune mailing list

December 19 – The first Undertale/Deltarune newsletter is delivered

Toby says “the end is in sight” for some of the content in Chapter 3, but is very vague overall.

2023

March 30 – The second newsletter is delivered

The team’s main focus is completing Chapter 3. Translation for chapter 3 is close to starting. Based on what we know from later updates, it seems that translation is beginning sooner for these chapters than it did for chapters 1 and 2.

June 29 – The third newsletter is delivered

The team is still focusing on Chapter 3, but a few people are working on bullet patterns and puzzles for later chapters. The team is creating the final overworld area for Chapter 3, which is the last thing to complete before Chapter 3 is fully playable from start to finish (i.e., entering an alpha/beta state). Toby mentions how chapter 3 is an unusual chapter and implies it may have been harder to work on than a typical chapter. He also says Chapter 4 will be a “much more standard chapter”.

September 14th – The fourth newsletter is delivered

Chapter 3 is now playable from start to finish and is (presumably) undergoing testing and polish.

[ghostradiodylan]

So, it's one year after the night at Hacketts Quarry. And everyone's kind of freaking out because, that's what trauma does to you. So basically what would everyone do that night?

Also, thank you for keeping this fandom alive

Ooh this is a fun ask!

Sorry this took so long! I had to chew on it for a bit and then I forgot it in my drafts!

Okay, so it's August 22nd 2022. The moon is cooperating by not being full (it's a waning crescent, to be precise). It's also a Monday and it could be the first day of college/university for anyone going, but let's imagine they all go back a little later since that seems to be the case in the game itself.

We'll imagine everyone survived because otherwise there are fewer of them to talk about and everyone is way sadder. I think one thing they're definitely not doing is going back to Hackett's Quarry in some kind of misguided Until Dawn style return to the scene of the trauma trip. Even if the werewolves are gone, there's still a ghost out there and that's how horror movie sequels get made!

They might do a quick zoom or hit up the group text just to check in, but I don't think they'd necessarily all get together. It would be a little intense for an anniversary, I think.

Max & Laura are endgame, so obviously they're still together, and I'd like to imagine they'd plan a little getaway for themselves (preferably one where Max doesn't have to drive). They'd want it to be something completely unlike the woodsy setting they spent the night in last year. Maybe they'd book a nice hotel for a long weekend not too far from home, just to have a break. Or maybe they'd do something big like take an Alaskan cruise. (Can they afford that as two grad school aged students whose lives just got turned upside down a year ago? Probably not, but it's a nice idea! Maybe if there was a victim's compensation fund or they sold their story to Netflix...) Water all around means zero werewolves! Max will keep comparing their accommodations with those of the North Kill jail, as he will do on every vacation now. ("Look honey, the toilet's in its own room and not an open concept bathroom like the last place we stayed!")

Emma talks about how she wanted to go to the spa after camp in one variation of her scene in the lodge basement, so maybe she'd have a nice pampering session for herself. Mani/pedi, facial treatment, massage, then chilling at home in a fluffy robe and slippers. Kat @itscomingupaces headcanoned Emma acquiring a tiny dog postcanon, which I love, so she probably has a tiny dog in her lap too. Maybe she'd do a brief vlog to reflect on her progress over the course of the year, assuming her viewers have a general idea that something traumatic happened to her and it wasn't all covered up. She'd throw on a comfort movie like Tangled or Singin' in the Rain and get her beauty sleep.

Nick would probably like to forget this anniversary, but I doubt he'd be so lucky in just a year. He has a lot of guilt about the way he treated Abi, though he wasn't really in control at the time. He'd probably try to do something that made him feel good about himself, like volunteer work. I could see him working on a Habitat for Humanity house or walking dogs at an animal shelter. He's almost certainly apologized profusely already, but if he's living anywhere close to Abi, he might offer to take her to dinner. If not, maybe it would be a good time to send her a card. Or an email.

Abi has definitely channeled some of her trauma into her art, so she might take the day to work on a new piece, maybe something a little less based in realism and a little more based in emotion. Maybe she'd incorporate some mixed media or sculpture into it. I go back and forth about shipping her with Emma or with Nick (or neither, or both) but maybe she'd get a manicure with Emma if she's not getting dinner with Nick (she wouldn't be up for the full spa day, though, that's just too much of strangers touching her and talking to her). Or maybe she'd do both, though that would be a lot of doing for our little introvert!

Jacob & Kaitlyn have hopefully patched up any bad feelings stemming from Jacob sabotaging the van because as childhood friends, I think they'd want to help each other when difficult anniversaries like this one come up. I forget who originally suggested it but I now strongly believe the headcanon that they are longtime karaoke buddies and they probably go get a private karaoke room and scream-sing away their angst while getting really embarrassingly drunk. It's fine, they'll get an Uber back to Kaitlyn's and eat an entire pizza later.

Ryan would want to go pay his respects to Chris, Kaylee, and Caleb Hackett. He has very complicated feelings about the family and their role in everyone's nightmare a year ago, but he still has affection for them and feels a duty to remember them as they were when they weren't transforming into flesh-eating monsters. I think he'd want to go visit their gravesites back in North Kill, take them some flowers, and clean off the headstones if the other Hacketts aren't around to do it. I'd like to imagine that he and Dylan would have figured their shit out by then, but whether they're a couple or not I think they'd definitely be in touch and Dylan would probably offer to drive Ryan out there and keep him company if Ryan would let him (if they still haven't gotten together, they probably have some things to talk about).

Dylan picks up some food on his way home, takes an edible, curls up with his cat, and watches the original 80's version of Cosmos with Carl Sagan. It's got a retro futuristic vibe that's very comforting. Some people get anxiety thinking about the vastness of space, but Dylan finds it oddly soothing to think that his problems are actually very small in the grand scheme of things in an ever-expending universe. Ryan can come too, if he wants (he probably does).

[yurisorcerer]

I've compared Jellyfish to other anime *a lot* while writing these off-the-cuff Thoughts posts, but to pull from an otherwise very different series, the ending here almost reminds me of that of Witch From Mercury? Decidedly good, and definitely fine-tuned to make you feel happy that our main pair are back together, but with just enough that doesn't quite add up that I feel remiss not to mention it.

To be clear, if the series' representational efforts outlive the actual text of the show itself, as may well happen, that's not actually a bad thing. Most anime would be lucky to have that legacy.

I want to zero in on Kano during the concert though, where we're early in the episode and she's clearly nervous. Flashbacks, intrusive-thoughts-as-voiceover. The literally-faceless masses. This is imagery we've seen associated with her before, as she's clearly reliving her trauma from her days with the Sunflower Dolls.

We see her basically bomb; the backing track kicks in but she can't sing, and suddenly the sound cuts out entirely, putting her in the bottom of the ocean. Mero, surprisingly, is the one who calls out to her to egg her on, although it's Mahiru's jellyfish that she looks at as Mahiru calls out to her as well. We get our big, swelling concert song, and then the moment is over. Jellyfish's narrative ends the second the music dies.

A mirror of the first episode as the two meet again for the first time in a while after Kano's performance. Ultimately, the conclusion they come to is that they kept their promises to each other, so everything's basically fine. This is clearly to some extent what the show wants us collectively to think, as well. Kano as the aimless singer who's finally found something to sing for, Mahiru as the ever down-on-herself visual artist who's found someone inspired by her paintings.

Kano says she wants to be a reason for people to keep looking forward, an interesting thought.

In the Sunflower Dolls / JELEE show's credit roll, Kano is credited under her preferred name. Yukine seems to mean this as---and certainly the show wants us to take it as---a gesture that Yukine, despite her past treatment of her daughter, respects her now. (An analogy is also drawn between the virtual audience the show draws and the 50,000 person capacity of the Tokyo Dome. Originally referred to several episodes ago, having one of her artists sing there was a long-term goal of Yukine's.) Clearly, not all is forgiven, as Kano playfully spurns her mother in the finale's closing minutes. Still, something about this feels…a little wishy-washy in a way I can't entirely put my finger on. It's a good ending, maybe the best ending this iteration of the series could've had, but not a great one. There's a distinction there, and this is the sort of show that practically begs rumination on distinctions of that nature. Yukine herself says, and I quote directly, "The difference between buzz and backlash ultimately hinges on an idea being meaningful." *Are* Jellyfish's ideas meaningful? I think that's an open question. Despite everything---Kano's trauma, the falling out with Mahiru and Mahiru's own impostor syndrome, the show's own strange pacing, Kiwi being bullied for their gender expression and for being "weird", the discrimination Mei faced---this ends as a feelgood story. That may be a bit too neat for me, I'm not sure.

I hate to bring up That Other Music Anime Airing Right Now while writing about this one yet again, but the main distinction between the two, I've finally realized, is that Girls Band Cry's emotional material feels much more raw. Jellyfish's best episodes do as well, but the show *on the whole* feels like it can't quite thread the needle in the same way. The comparison is perhaps unflattering to both anime, but I can't help myself here.

The series ends on a short run-through of denouement scenes, for the individual members of JELEE both apart and together as a group. Tellingly, it might be Kiwi's that works the best. The relatively straightforward nature of her arc makes her development feel the most earned and the most logical. At the same time, I'm having difficulty pinning down exactly *why* I don't feel quite the same way about the other characters. Perhaps because Mei was never particularly well-developed to begin with, and Kano and Mahiru's reunion feels....I'll say contrived? I can forgive letting a kiss on the cheek hang for six episodes. Letting that falling-out hang for, what, 3? Is a bit harder to stomach though. The entire plot there, I don't know, it takes away a bit from what the show is trying to do, and when what you're trying to do is this delicate, "a bit" can feel like a lot.

Anyway; The over-painting scenes being drawn as though they're shot through the phone is a cool touch, I like it.

What Jellyfish does manage to capture is the warm mundanities of friendship and life in the digital age, and I like Kano's little speech to the others at the end here. That's worth something, I think. Not many anime end with their casts literally waving goodbye to the camera.

Time, as my memories of the show crystalize and harden, will tell whether I end up truly feeling that those warm feelings are "enough" to rate Jellyfish particularly highly, both on its own terms and as compared to other anime that have come and gone (and will come and go) this year. But that's also sort of a way of looking at art that is ruthless enough to not always be appropriate. So I'll say it here if I never remember to again, the people who made this clearly cared about it a lot. There's love in it, and love does matter.

[justatesfan]

Who wants to hear an info dump about my headcanons and thoughts about Captain Zero, Zorran and their relationship in my TUGS human AU?

Ha ha, no one asked for this, but I want to share it with someone. Mostly to get stuff out of my own head. So here I am, sharing it with you, the people.

Ok, so first of all they are very close friends, and if you spend any length of time around them you will pick this up. You might not be able to tell from a single interaction between the two, depending on their moods. The only people who won’t tell you they are friends this, is Captain Zero and Zorran themselves.

These two will admit they are close, but don’t see each other as ‘friends’. They more see it as a relationship of last resort. They both need someone to be there for them through thick and thin, and unfortunately they are each the only option that the other has.

When they first met, neither of them liked the other. Zero thought Zorran was a lovesick gullible idiot, and Zorran thought his future captain was a shouty man who was almost certainly doing something illegal on the side (Zero has always worked with smugglers, mostly finding ways to sneak stuff on with helmsmen that he can half trust, are oblivious, or are desperate for a little cash themselves).

The pre-catalyst for their friendship was Zorran’s heartbreak from a miscommunication and a seemingly unrequited love. This isn’t the same as the problems Zero was having with his wife, but it is close enough that he has the horrid feeling of pity for the kid (as well as seeing a vulnerable person who he can manipulate to do his dirty work).

The second, and more important factor in their relationship improving is when Zero’s wife ‘leaves’ him. Zero doesn’t take this very well, and Zorran helps him deal with everything. This event really cements the trust between the two of them.

When Zero’s job is on the line (because employing a possible criminal is bad for business), Zorran does everything he can to protect him from the prospect of prison and support his idea for a new business. Zero sees this as Zorran being ‘his man’, the guy he can rely on when the whole world is against him (which is how Zorran viewed him after that first step in their friendship). But Zorran is partly doing it out of the guilt he feels for being responsible for the fleet finding out about Zero’s activities. He will NEVER tell Zero this though.

Every year that they work together they get closer, purely due to the nature of their work putting them squarely in between the authorities and criminal enterprises. They had to learn how to run/appear to run a legitimate operation. And at first, they were not very good at it. They only stayed in business because of the profits from smuggling, which they were thankfully pretty good at.

Eventually they did work things out fleet-wise. Zero learnt that you can’t always be doing shady stuff, sometimes your pretend business needs to do some real work. Zorran learnt that you can’t be a nightmare to work with just because you know there is money you can fall back on if a contract is suddenly pulled from under you. They also are completely incapable of doing each other’s jobs. Zorran has no skill at paperwork and Zero nearly gets himself locked up when he tries to do the activities he has Zorran doing.

The two of them are very good at keeping each other in check. Which is good, because both of them are equally talented at having the most bizarre ideas at times. Usually when they get too emotional or invested in something. If left alone Zero would more than likely become a sad and bitter old man who hates the world, and Zorran would piss people off to the point no one would have anything to do with him.

They will die for each other, regardless of what they might actually say. Even, and possibly especially, if the other person is in a tricky situation because of a foolish mistake.

Uh, I don’t really know where I was going with this, just wanted to ramble about these guys a bit. I had written a lot more, but it became a full fan-fic plan and no one here wants to read through that. I certainly don't want to write it all out right now lol.

More than happy to answer any questions people might have about my AU though.

[sweetlikehoneystingslikeabee]

SO HERE'S A QUESTION FOR THE RIDDLER SQUAD. How would they react if their S/O set a customizable avatar in a videogame as a companion to their S/O's own avatar? Think Miitopia or Sims or Etrian Odyssey, games like that. And their S/O is really excited to show them!

"Hey that's me!" Riddler party x reader

Very cute! I do this all the time with f/o's in video games;;; I've even played the (VERY NSFW) Koikatsu Party and made Edward the male protag. Well. Tried to. For some reason those kind of games tend to make the male customization not nearly as detailed for my taste. Then I go to the sims LOL.

TW: NSFW suggestive (only nashton LOL)

Gotham

An incredibly happy muppet. There's only one of those games that he would play in the examples and it's Etrian Odyssey. Turn based RPGs and strategy are his cup of tea! So he's immediately interested and kind of Hyperfixating.

He's going to get the game and take it all a step further. All of his friends are going to be in the party. Penguin and Jim and Victor... But you're his favorite mvp party member!

Yes he's going to be way better at it than you and he's going to end up giving you advice on how to play. Think of it like bonding. To think, you wouldn't have gotten to have this fun time together if you didn't show him!

60s

He doesn't Get It at first. Video games are... strange to him. He understands the concept and even the technical science of them! Eventually he'll liken them to movies that you have interaction in. That's it, isn't it? He could see the appeal of that.

For the genius that he is, he thinks you scoured to find a game that looks like the two of you. Coincidence! How funny! Delightful, pretty thing, that they look just like you and him.

When you explain you did this yourself, he's wildly impressed. Just how did you do it? It's a feature? And you can spend hours doing this? Oh yes, yes, this is interesting.

Then he's grinning. How long were you staring at him to get everything just right? You must really find him handsome. He understands, he'd also want to look at you all day long given the option.

Capullo/Zero Year

Flattered! He's almost peacocking around, fluffing himself out that you would want to recreate his image to look at him even more often than you already do. HOWEVER- He stares a little longer at the screen.

Hm. Nope. Move over. He needs to fix some things. Not just on his, on yours too. His is alright, some minor tweaks and it'll look almost as handsome as he is. Yours... Much too harsh on yourself.

Statistics say our perception of ourselves is much harsher than the reality. Well, for other people, not him. You didn't capture the best qualities of your face and body. Not to worry, he'll fix that for you :) THEN you can play with him occasionally staring over your shoulder wanting attention.

BTAS

You're showing him a video game? He's interested not only because you like it, but he really appreciates seeing coding and how programs work when they aren't his. Even if they are subpar to his own work.

Imagine his surprise when you show him the customization feature! That's him! He's asking a lot of questions about the options available. Then praising you for doing such a wonderful job recreating him. He'll tease that you certainly have the details of his appearance locked away in your mind, don't you?

It gives him ideas for any future projects HE might want to make. Customization, yes, but he thinks he could make a player character or NPC that resembles you perfectly. Your image carved into the stone of electric coding for all time.

No, he doesn't make a lot of games now considering his current career but... It is an idea he's putting on a shelf for later. Very important.

Telltale

You're really going to waste your time on something like this? Is what he asks when you tell him you're showing him a game. Aren't there better things to do with your time? Pretty much griping the entire time.

"...Is that me?" and he's scowling at the screen for a moment. A sigh. Then he kisses your cheek, "You don't need a recreation when the real thing is right here, you know." Obviously you did this because you miss him. It's almost sad.

As you try to explain that's not it- That you just really think it's cute, he smirks, "Of course you do. Who wouldn't want to recreate the image of their God when there's absence of His light?"

You are not going to live this down, so don't even try. He will bring this up when you least expect it. It's very affectionate at his part. He knows why you actually did it, your face is just very cute when it's flustered and frustrated.

Arkham

He's actually kind of touched? Just when he was getting worried and concerned that no one was paying attention to his greatness- Here you are with an offering of your devotion. Don't think he's going to be sweet about this, however, no, no.

You SHOULD be focused on him and making him in your games. It comes off a bit ungrateful, but you're likely used to this with him by now. The only thing you might notice is that he compliments your work on it sincerely. Can they interact? It would be.... cute if they kissed or something.

He'll likely try to include your image hidden somewhere in a crime that has him written all over it. You know. Devoted to you!

2022/Nashton

Ohhhhh my god you made HIM, you love him, you want him to be in every aspect of your life even the digital world. He is obsessed. He didn't tell you yet because what if you thought it was creepy but he's been doing the same thing for you! Of course;;; his games have things like Wicked Whims installed. Especially if you aren't there yet.

He's the guy that if you can get him into animal crossing, he wants to visit your island and send you letters with rare items CONSTANTLY. Your two little avatars interacting. He thinks it's romantic that even when you two aren't actively hanging out, you still want to see him and have a version of "him" around.

All the single player games where you made the two of you, you'll find he's watching a lot as you play. how are you interacting the characters together. Is his animated counterpart doing what you want him to do? He might get a little bit jealous but won't say anything. What if the digital version is your idealized version of him that he can't match up with?

[the-cult-of-riley]

Sleeping With Ghosts (Act One: Chapter Twenty)

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Female OC

[[Masterlist]]

A/N: This one’s a little short, I really struggled to stretch this one out a bit.

Big love to those who have been reading this. I really appreciate all of you. I have a bunch of other Ghost stories I’m working on in the background as well as this one and I can’t wait to share even more with you.

The smile on Charlotte’s face was bright and airy as she chatted away to Simon about the book she’d been reading. The smile was fake though. Fake, fake, fake. She was trying to be brave, she really was. Not Simon level brave, she knew she’d never be able to achieve such a thing, but brave in her own way. She was proud of him for being up for selection and she knew without a doubt he’d pass with flying colours, but the idea of what he’d go through, the idea of being away from him with zero contact for almost an entire year was harrowing to her. 

She hadn't had to be alone since his last deployment and she may have some people around her now, but it was different. Simon leaving would be a different type of loneliness, one that would eat her alive even if she was surrounded by people. She couldn't be selfish though, he’d worked hard for this and she wasn't about to be a Debbie Downer about it. It was bad enough how upset she'd gotten when he’d told her and she still felt the guilt for that gnawing at her bones like a dog. 

She excused herself cheerfully to the kitchen to get another drink, the TV commenter rambling about their excitement for New Year fading into the background. They were at Tommy and Beth’s to celebrate New Year but with Simon leaving in only five days, it was getting harder and harder to keep up her happy facade. She poured herself another glass of red wine, taking two large gulps of it. She wasn’t drunk by any means but she certainly wasn't sober either. She didn't drink often but she felt like she needed it with all that was going on. 

“Alright, love?” Simon's gentle voice asked from the doorway. She was glad she was facing away from him, one hand clutching the counter so hard the bones in her finger ached. With the alcohol flooding her system, she was a little slower to react, slower to put her mask back on. She took a deep breath, shakily putting that smile back on her face before she turned around. 

“I’m fine, babe,” her words were easy, casual as she held her wine glass and gave him a pretty smile, yet he tilted his head, dark eyes scanning her face. She knew it was pointless to pretend with Simon because even though she didn't want to be, she was an open book to him. He was quiet for a moment, as was she, and she took another sip of her wine as she waited to see what would happen, hoping he’d let it go and they'd go back in the living room with everyone else. 

She’d never been part of as many family celebrations as she had since she met Simon but she was glad to be included. Tonight, however, didn't exactly go according to plan. Anne had kindly offered to take Joseph for the night so Tommy and Beth could have a break and so Beth could have a drink after being stone cold sober for nine months. She'd expressed milk for the little baby, enough that by the time she needed to breastfeed him again the alcohol would be fully out of her system. Tommy had hyped up the night to her and Simon, claiming it would be a riot, a party, the night wouldn't end. By ten, the pair of them were passed out on the couch together after only one drink, complete exhaustion taking over them. Joseph was currently dealing with colic so he wasn't sleeping. She knew being a parent must be hard but seeing her friends go through it was something else. 

Simon had rolled his eyes at the sight, muttering curses about being dragged out of his nice warm flat just for them to fall asleep on him. Didn't stop him from covering them up with blankets though and turning the TV a little lower so the celebrations on BBC wouldn't wake them. She hadn’t minded too much though. Sure she'd been happy to be invited and all but with her mood, it had been hard to try and socialise. It had been hard enough talking to Simon and trying to act like everything was fine. 

He moved over to her with slow steps and she leaned more against the counter, her hand curling more around the glass as tension wormed its way around her. Those deep amber eyes felt like they could see through her like a piece of glass and she swallowed thickly, unable to keep the eye contact. 

“I love you… you know that, right?” he asked carefully and she stared at the floor with a lump in her throat. She did know that, without even a doubt. And maybe she did have her moments where she’d question it after a lifetime of self esteem issues, but he made a point to make it known every single day. Whether it was his words or the little things he did for her, he made sure she felt loved no matter what. It was a nice feeling, a reassuring feeling, to know irrefutably that you're loved. 

“I know,” she murmured softly, eyes rasing to meet his soft, warm hues. He took another step then, right in front of her. 

“And you know that you’ll always come first, yeah? Always,” his eyes were firm as he said this, a pointed look shooting right though her. He’d told her many times since his confession about going for selection, told her that all she had to do was say the word and he wouldn't do it. It was terrifying to her, that she for some reason had that power over him. She didn't like it. She’d never in a million years make him leave his dreams behind because she was being an over emotional baby. 

“I know,” she echoed, giving him a tentative smile. Small, yet not fake this time. It seemed to relax him a little, some tension leaving his shoulders as he reached out, grabbing her wine glass and setting it on the counter. 

She squeaked when she was suddenly lifted and plonked on the counter too. It made her closer to his height like this, yet still shorter than him. He slotted between her legs easily, as if she was made to be moulded around him, his large hands cupping both her cheeks, thumbs swiping over the skin as he gazed down at her. She’d never been looked at the way Simon looked at her. Like she was some precious gem or made of gold. It made her heartbeat skyrocket every time he gave her that look and she was sure it was the same look she always gave him. 

He looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words, instead opting to lean down and capture her lips with his. They were soft, plush against hers as he slid a hand around to the back of her neck. He deepened the kiss, his tongue massaging hers slowly, tenderly. Her hands wandered, sliding up his shirt and making him gasp into her mouth at her cold hands. She smiled into the kiss, settling her hands over his chest and enjoying the feeling of the steady thumping of his heart. When he broke the kiss, he didn't move away from her, his body still flush with hers as he smiled at her. He was so handsome when he smiled like that. 

“I know that it might not seem like it, but… I am proud of you. I have no doubts that you’ll get into the SAS,” she admitted as her fingers traced patterns on his skin. His eyes perked up ever so slightly at her words, his smile brightening.

“Yeah?” he asked, leaning closer to nuzzle his nose against hers and her eyes fluttered shut. 

“Yeah,” she smiled up at him. He opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by the TV which had gotten louder as everyone on it chanted the countdown to New Year. 

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

“Happy New Year, love,” Simon murmured affectionately before placing a long yet chaste kiss to her lips.

“Happy New Year,” she replied when he pulled away, desperately trying to ignore the burning sadness in her chest. It wasn't a happy new year when he wasn't going to be with her to enjoy it, but she didn't say that. Instead, the fake smile slipped back on her lips as she allowed him to wrap her in a hug.

Jan 7th

Charlotte was woken up by a large and warm hand stroking her face. 

“Wha…?” she blinked blearily, trying to get her bearings. She was absolutely shattered. She hadn't been able to get to sleep until 3 am because she knew in only a few hours that Simon would be leaving. It was the day. Now he was perched on the edge of the bed near her, fully clothed. It was still dark out and her eyes darted to the clock, seeing it was 4.30 am. She’d only been asleep an hour and a half but she knew Simon had to go soon. The dread that slapped her across the face woke her right up. 

She sat up abruptly and Simon shot her a worried glance. She’d told herself she had to be brave this morning, she could break down once he was gone, not a moment sooner. She wouldn't do that to him, he must already be nervous enough as it was, even if he tried to hide it. She’d seen how he'd been working out more vigorously, seeing him brushing up on his military tactics and warfare strategies by all the books he’d been burning through. He wanted this badly and she wasn't about to get in the way.

“Gotta go, sweetheart,” he whispered and she bit the inside of her cheek hard to stop herself from crying. She wondered if he’d even slept. she’d thought he’d been asleep when she lay there anxiously, stewing in her own thoughts. Maybe he’d been awake the whole time. Had he known she was awake too? 

“Okay,” she replied, trying her hardest to keep her voice level. He stood and she climbed out of bed, following after him to the living area. His duffel was near the front door and her breathing became shaky. She was trying her best to appear normal but those all seeing eyes of his were bearing her down into the ground. The only thing that soothed her was the fact it was obvious he was struggling too. Those dark eyes were shiny, strained, his jaw clenched tight as he looked at her. 

“I uh…” his voice cut off as it cracked and she felt her lower lip wobble. If he got emotional she wouldn't be able to help herself. He stepped forward, movements rushed, before he crushed her into a hug. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling like she was about to burst with the effort she put in to not cry in front of him. She clung onto him like a life raft and he did the same, a large hand pressing her head closer to his chest. His chest that was shaky and erratic.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” he bit out, voice broken and raw and she couldn't handle it. 

The tears leaked from her eyes and she was sure the vein in her neck was bulging from how hard she was suppressing the sob that tried to work its way out of her. She wanted to tell him that she’d miss him too but she knew the second her mouth opened that she’d unravel so she nodded, hoping he'd get the point. He held her tighter for a second, a kiss being pressed firmly to the side of her head before he moved away. He cupped her cheeks and she couldn't look away from those intense eyes.

“I love you,” he implored, as if begging her to believe him even though she already did. 

“I love you too,” her voice was choked but she couldn't not say it back to him, it was impossible for her. 

He swallowed thickly, the movement making his Adam’s apple bob up and down before he rested his forehead on hers. She tried to soak up the closeness greedily, knowing soon enough it would be gone. Ever so gently, his nose rubbed hers in a gesture that made her heart still completely. Her breathing was ragged, held on by a thread. His lips connected with hers softly yet firm as he held her there against him before he moved away, glancing at the clock and he stepped away from her.

“Gonna be late if I don’t get goin’,” he frowned, looking like he didn't want to leave. She felt so weak that she almost begged him to stay. Almost. 

“Good luck out there, not that you need it,” she tried to sound confident as she smiled at him but her voice was thin and wobbly. He nodded, eyes glued to her for a moment longer before he turned away and grabbed his duffel bag. 

“See you soon, yeah?” he asked as he opened the door, looking over his shoulder at her. Her chest ached like she’d been sucker punched but she nodded, giving him another watery smile.

“See you soon, Simon,” she replied quietly. His dark eyes were blazing with something as he stared at her and she wondered just what was going through his head. Was he at war with leaving her or going? He forced himself to look away, stepping out of the door before shutting it behind him and suddenly, the apartment felt very, very cold. 

Her hand flew to her mouth to stifle the pitiful noise that left her and she tried her best to keep it together. She wished she could be strong like Simon, wished she wasn't so fragile. She jumped out of her skin when the door flew open, Simon coming back in hurriedly. His duffel hit the floor with a thud and before she could even fathom what was happening, he rushed her, lips desperately seeking hers. She fisted his top, squeaking as he almost lifted her off her feet by her head as he cupped her cheeks. 

She was suddenly sandwiched between him and the wall as he pressed his entire body along the length of hers, his tongue exploring every inch of her mouth like he needed to memorise it all. When he pulled away, she felt her lungs burn with lack of oxygen as she blinked up at him in surprise. He was panting himself, eyes wild as he stared down at her. 

“I love you… be safe,” that was all he said, placing a kiss to the tip of her nose before he turned around, grabbed his duffel and once more was out of the door. She was completely baffled, unsure of what the hell just happened. Her lips tingled and she raised a hand to them as she blinked dazed. She was so dazed that her tears didn't come on for at least an hour. 

[mischievouslittlecreature]

Hello 🌻

hope you are having fun during your holiday :)

So... I noticed in your bio you describe yourself as a film snob, and I was curious if you could put together a list of films you believe everyone should watch. It doesn't matter whether they're niche films or d'essai or blockbuster, I used to adore going to cine-forums and watch every kind of genre, they always leave you something to bring home

Thank you! <3

(Sorry for the ramble, but I'm stuck in bed for the next couple of weeks with way too much free time, and I figured I might as well put it to good use! xD )

Ohhh my god, Ari, you have no idea just how badly I wanna hug you right now. Films and filmmaking are one of my special interests and I could literally talk your ear off about the industry!

Please keep in mind that these are just my personal picks/opinions, and I am almost certainly forgetting a few because I'm doing this off of memory. I'm also not including any films that I haven't seen yet (there are a few classics that I embarrassingly just somehow never got around to seeing that are currently in my watchlist) so if you notice any strange omissions that's why. Please keep in mind that I tend to prefer dark, pessimistic films, so this list is going to reflect that.

If you'd like specific recommendations, wish for me elaborate anymore on any of these films, or want a part 2 to this, please let me know!

Also, I recently got a Letterboxd account back in December, so if you want to see what I've been watching recently, give me a follow over there!

Under a read more because this got LONG.

Alien (1979, Dir. Ridley Scott)

Aliens (1986, Dir. James Cameron)

Anthropoid (2016, Dir. Sean Ellis)

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022, Dir. Martin McDonagh)

Batman Begins (2005, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

Black Swan (2010, Dir. Darren Aronofsky)

Children of Men (2006, Dir. Alfonso Cuaron)

A Clockwork Orange (1971, Dir. Stanley Kubrick)

Clue (1985, Dir. Jonathan Lynn)

The Dark Knight (2008, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

The Dark Knight Rises (2012, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

Dune Part I (2021, Dir. Denis Villeneuve)

Dunkirk (2017, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

Get Out (2017, Dir. Jordan Peele)

The Godfather (1972, Dir. Francis Ford Coppola)

The Godfather Part II (1974, Dir. Francis Ford Coppola)

Inception (2010, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

Interstellar (2014, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001, Dir. Peter Jackson)

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003, Dir. Peter Jackson)

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002, Dir. Peter Jackson)

Memento (2000, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

Molly's Game (2017, Dir. Aaron Sorkin)

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993, Dir. Henry Selick)

No Country for Old Men (2007, Dir. Joel Coen & Ethan Coen)

Oppenheimer (2023, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

Platoon (1986, Dir. Oliver Stone)

The Prestige (2006, Dir. Christopher Nolan)

Psycho (1960, Dir. Alfred Hitchcock)

Pulp Fiction (1994, Dir. Quentin Tarantino)

Rear Window (1954, Dir. Alfred Hitchcock)

The Shining (1980, Dir. Stanley Kubrick)

The Silence of the Lambs (1991, Dir. Jonathan Demme)

Spotlight (2015, Dir. Tom McCarthy)

Titanic (1997, Dir. James Cameron)

12 Years a Slave (2013, Dir. Steve McQueen)

28 Days Later (2002, Dir. Danny Boyle)

Zero Dark Thirty (2012, Dir. Kathryn Bigelow)