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sofoulandfairaday · 4 years

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The ultimate How I Met Your Mother Finale rant

I know this has been done before, and I know I'm several years late to the party, but I don't care, so IN THIS ESSAY I WILL tell you about why this finale takes the spot as the second-worst finale in TV show history (because Game of Thrones is still, to this day, unbeatable, and it will probably stay like that forever).

But first, a little context: I've just finished binge-watching HIMYM. This binge has been going on for three days straight (my final exam of the semester is in a week and I should be studying, so the fact that the last few days were a partial waste of time makes me so mad). Second thing: I already knew how it would end, and yes, kids, it does ruin the show for you. It ruins the show so much it makes your blood boil when you rewatch certain scenes, but I will get to that.

You might want to make yourself a drink because this is a complete list of all the reasons why HIMYM's finale sucks - I'm warning you, it's gonna be looong.

It completely invalidates the entirety of season 9

This is one of the complaints people most often have with this series, and I have to agree. It would have been so much better if the last two episodes never existed, and they just showed Barney and Robin dancing at the reception after walking out of the chapel, Ted noticing Tracy and then the platform scene. "And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother". Cut scene. Honestly, I don't get the hate people give to season 9, barring the last 2/3 episodes, especially since season 8 was so much worse (except for a few honourable mentions, like The Robin). S8 was slower, less funny, and less deep, and while the authors took a risk by making s9 happen in the span of a weekend it paid off: they took their time introducing the character of the Mother to the gang and fleshing her out. They make sure to highlight all the little ways in which Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other, and even tie up loose ends, like with the Slapsgiving episode, that was a filler but it wasn't boring to watch (although it may be problematic for different reasons, I'm not Chinese, so I can't say for sure if it's cultural appropriation or just the authors making fun of a particular movie genre).

Some episodes were arguably great: "Daisy" was amazing, and that whole fight between Marshall and Lily was so realistic and well thought out, "Sunrise" was extremely important for Ted's character development, same goes for Tracy and "How Your Mother Met Me", "Bedtime stories" was impressive, "Rally" was incredibly funny and proved once again what a beautiful character Barney Stinson is, so much so that even Robin never has doubts that he (the guy with the biggest commitment issues on the planet) will bail on her before the wedding, and says to Ted that "he always comes back". Daphne's character is super funny and the right amount of annoying, the shenanigans of the gang are well thought out and all of the characters (not just Barney) complete their arc in this season. The last two/three episodes butcher that.

Marshall and Lily

Marshall and Lily, arguably the world's most solid couple, are the only thing this God-awful finale gets right, especially Marshall, who is my second-favourite character, that finally gets everything he deserves. But what about Lily? They never mention her career after Italy, and I refuse to believe she goes back to being a kindergarten teacher as if her year in Rome meant nothing. I also refuse to think she becomes nothing but a political wife, the equivalent of Zoey, but without saving the world. We know she has three kids, but her postpartum depression is never really talked about much and they definitely had the screentime to delve into it.

Barney

Where do I even begin? Barney Stinson is, without a doubt, the best character in this series, the glue of the whole gang. I think the message they were trying to give is that, since his trauma stemmed from the absence of a father figure in his life, he could only truly heal by becoming a father as well. People also say that n°31 had to stay just a number, because who could match up with Barney Stinson? First of all, I call BULSHIT on that last point, because Robin wasn't the only girl Barney could have ended up marrying. I used to think that too, but it's just not true: that is the equivalent of saying that Barney was incapable to truly love a woman and commit to her, even after all the development he got, and that he only got one shot at love in life, and that's it. This goes against the point the showrunners try to make by having Ted and Robin end up together AND by having Tracy get with Ted in the first place: "it's never too late, you always have another chance at love, etc." And, let's face it, Barney and Robin are legendary, but Barney and Nora (hell, even Barney and Quinn!) were pretty good together too.

Second of all, if they wanted to give Barney a kid, they could have easily done that, before Barney married Robin. Barney's "redemption" starts when he gets with Robin the first time, hell maybe even when we meet James for the first time: Nora, Quinn, finding out who his father is, the episode dedicated to the lies his mum told him/finding James' father, him getting to know his own dad, etc... those are all steps along the way. The s9 episode where Barney accepts the relationship between Loretta and the reverend proves how far he's come. So why not give him a daughter BEFORE he proposes to Robin? Have him cheat on Nora/Quinn with n°31, giving him a relapse, and having him get closer to Robin while struggling to be a dad to Ellie. That would have been great.

Or, you know, don't give him children. What's the point of burning the Playbook if you're going to have him write the second edition? What's the point of having him do a complete 180 in the last few scenes and acting like having a kid is the only thing that makes him change? What's the point of doing that when the show spends entire episodes berating Marshall and Lily for "changing too much" when they have a kid?

Also, Barney is the "challenge accepted" guy. He loves his wife so much, he spent years wanting her, and then he gives up because there is no WiFi in his hotel. How does that make any sense at all? This is Barney Stinson, the "I will fly out to San Francisco and buy Lily a plane ticket", the "I will steal every girl from my best friend just to save him for Lily", the guy that wrote the Playbook (it takes effort to pull those plays off), the guy that planned for weeks his proposal, the guy that waited years to get back at the man who stole his first girlfriend, the guy that makes every night legendary... are you telling me that that guy becomes the equivalent of a bored housewife instead of living his best life while travelling the world? Come on. They don't even try to make it believable.

Ted

While watching seasons 7 and 8, I felt that Ted was becoming the worst character on the show: he was boring, depressed, basically had no good storylines, the whole thing with Victoria was pointless and inconclusive (and the whole "stop being in love with Robin" was completely out of character for her), but whatever, we could have accepted that because it passed the message that two people could be good together, without being soulmates - which, by the way, renders the TedxRobin ship pointless, because they were right for each other, but Ted and Tracy were soulmates. Him being hung up on Robin in the latter seasons is almost pathetic, and the thing he does with the locket is insane, not romantic - BUT I will say this: it can be seen in two ways, depending on who's watching. I personally like the two as friends, so I see the whole thing as a "Dahmer" situation, but I get the people who see it as a "Dobler" one and see what he did as a grand romantic gesture.

The problem, though, is that the whole TedxRobin ship gets pretty old, pretty fast: it's an annoying on-and-off thing, that should have ended with the locket. Because, yes, Ted was in a dark moment, yes, he was probably depressed, yes, he thought Robin was his only shot at happiness, but he changes during season nine! He spends entire episodes letting go of Robin, including the one where she transforms into a balloon and flies away. Ted is the good guy, ultimately. He is the guy that is genuinely happy for his best friends. In one of the deleted scenes from the finale, he meets Robin years later and says that he's so happy with Tracy he never thought about Robin in that way anymore. All of that gets thrown in the trash. Why do that? To use a Harry Potter metaphor, Ted is Severus Snape, while Barney is James Potter: the former loved the girl of his dreams with all his heart, even to the point of creepiness, but they weren't meant to be together.

Robin

This, along with the next point, is the worst of all: Robin is the worst character of the entire finale. Her relationship with Ted in season 2 is wonderful, and I say that as a full-on Barney/Robin shipper. There was never a problem in their relationship, apparently, but they then break up because they have an "expiration date" and ultimately want different things in life. Except that Ted is not her soulmate. The only times when Robin wants Ted are the times where (1) she can't have him because he's either trying to move on or (2) the times where it's convenient, for example when they become roommates again and they solve their disputes again. Around that time, we see perfectly that Ted had moved on and that the person getting hurt was Barney. It's one thing to see Ted and Robin in the finale as two people picking up where they had left off after they dated. But this is not the case.

In season 7, we have the exchange that should have put an end to any and all TedxRobin drama, and that completely invalidates whatever the writers wrote after that about the two of them: Ted declares his love - "I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time's gonna change that. Just tell me: do you love me?" To which she answers "No". And Ted also says later to Marshall, that he's "happy because he can finally move on".

What a load of crap.

Getting over someone is hard, believe me, I would know. And, oftentimes, it doesn't happen until we find someone else to love (and from the moment he meets Tracy, there is no one else for Ted). But by giving Ted feelings for Robin after this moment, it takes away from the beauty of it- because it's one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world when you declare your love to someone and they don't love you back. Ted and Robin were both honest at that moment, and it was the last genuinely good exchange between them. After that, during season 8 they try to show us Ted trying to get over her (and failing) and in season 9 Ted getting over her completely. This is also weirdly paced because at the beginning of s8 both are in happy relationships with other people and there's no jealousy (which is good, because at least they weren't toxic) and they seem just friends (when Robin leaves Nick to go see him in the middle of the night, she implies that she would do it for any of her friends), but after Ted breaks up with Veronica because of Robin everything is weirdly coated in this sort of tension between the two: first Ted loves her, but she doesn't, so when he helps her by taking her to Barney's proposal ("which means my best bro in the world has given me his blessing").

And, by the way, every time they try to paint Ted as the guy that comes through for Robin after this moment, they dumb down Barney's character. And still fail to make Ted a better guy than him (see: the carousel in Central Park).

Yes, Robin and Ted have some chemistry, but it is nothing compared to what Robin and Barney have. Every time Robin is jealous of Barney, it doesn't seem like a stupid whim, just because some other child is playing with her toys (except, perhaps, during The Robin). Robin and Barney's relationship would need a whole other post, and the next time I rewatch the series I will write down all the things that make them perfect for each other, but, to me, the biggest difference between the two relationships is this: in season 6, when she's not dating either one of them, Ted accuses Robin of never making him feel needed while they were together, whereas Barney praises her for it. Those are elective affinities: that's what Barney and Robin have, and what Tracy and Ted have.

Barney and Robin have more or less the same arc: they both get over their fear of commitment and they do that with each other. Time and time again, we are told that if they're ever going to settle down, it would only be with the other. The first time they break up is honestly so stupid, and even when they are broken up, they are the best of friends, which also makes Robin's behaviour in the finale look so stupid. The way the two of them fit together is unparalleled, both in a romantic and a platonic way.

Think about it: Robin makes Barney a better man, while she makes Ted a worse one.

Also, the whole point that there are different seasons in life for everything gets thrown out the window: apparently, Ted and Robin (that were a couple that ultimately worked in their young twenties) are the same people in their forties.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that the two final episodes butcher Robin's arc as well: episode 23 starts with Lily saying "I want this girl to be in our lives" and we know Robin never made other friends outside of the gang, because she didn't need to, and now she walks away from everything because of fucking Ted?? This is saying "hey, Robin was only in the group for Ted, who brought her in, and now she leaves because he's not her puppy anymore". Robin was the one that was eternally indecisive between Ted and Barney and you're telling me that three years and many many life experiences later, she's still not sure?

The point of her story is learning how to get over her fear of commitment, learning how to be there for her friends (there's an entire episode dedicated to that, and it's the one where Lily's pregnant and we meet Robin's ex-best friend in Canada), and how to balance her job and her life. Also, the way her character is treated is un-feminist and un-progressive: she becomes Ted's consolation prize. She is passive throughout s9. She cannot, ultimately, win the modern-day struggle most women have and balance out career and love life, so her true life, her "happy chapter" begins after she has already accomplished everything she wanted to and she's free for Ted. She doesn't even go back to him, she just the prize the main character wanted for all his life and only got in the end because his wife died (ONE SCENE, people, ONE SCENE!). Also, this makes Tracy the "broodmare" that gives him the kids he wanted, and his "happy family" experience before he goes to be with his one true love.

The mother

This. This makes me so mad. One whole season spent on building up Tracy's character, just for it to go to waste. It would have been so easy to screw her up, but she is hands down the best thing about s9. She's the perfect woman for Ted and the episode shot through her perspective is the sweetest. By the end, I liked her more than Robin and Lily. She was the perfect addition to their group, she fit together with them in a perfect way, and they show us the biggest moment of her and Ted's life... for what? To have her die in a few sentences? And I don't care if they shot a funeral scene, I don't care if the finale was supposed to be 40 minutes long, because, in the end, it wasn't. The scene where Ted meets her is the second most beautiful one (after Barney's proposal to Robin) and the climax of the whole show, but they ruin her... and for what? The chemistry Ted has with her, he has with no one. The joy she brings him, the way she understands him, is unlike any other. I am sure that one of the reasons they killed her off was the shock value and I hate it.

I cannot stress this enough: Tracy makes Ted a better person. When he's with Robin, Ted is "the nice guy" in the most selfish and narcissistic version of the trope. When he's with Tracy, love comes easy to Ted. Also, the scenes between the two of them are arguably the best Ted scenes of the show.

The kids' reactions (ugh)

It's not really what they say- it's the way they say it. The end of HIMYM was not supposed to be funny, even though the show is a sitcom. It was supposed to be bittersweet and beautiful, because it's the end of an era, and the writers must have known that. So, Ted finishes telling his story, reveals to the audience that their now-beloved Tracy is dead, and the reaction is: "No, ahah, you totally have the hots for Aunt Robin" (their words, not mine). Like, what the actual fuck? I cringed when Penny said that. It's tasteless and not fun at all. Even if it has been six years... It's still your fucking mum, show a little bit of sadness at the thought of her.

The reason the show ended this way

What makes me especially mad is that I know for a fact that the reason they went with this ending is that it was the original one, always intended for the show, from season 2 onwards. And, if you watch it right after s2, it makes sense. But if you consider the eight years that passed and the massive character development, then no, it's not the best possible one. So many things hadn't been decided yet back in s2, especially about Barney, Ted, and Robin, and I hate that they didn't dare to scrap their work. This ending probably had sentimental meaning to the writers, but authors have to do what's best for their characters, not themselves. It's like with GoT, in a way: I think that the authors were all too aware of the impact of HIMYM and didn't believe that their finale would live up to the expectations... which compelled them to make the worst decision possible?? Every single character is OOC during the episode. Oh, and Marshall and Lily moving in the last episode is a ripoff from Friends (or maybe a tribute? Idk). Anyway, I believe that the authors were too attached to their sentimental version of "what should have been" and didn't give the characters the endings they truly deserved.

"Life works this way" // "Life only moves forward"

Some people say that the show is realistic because that's how life works. But I call super-BS on that. That might be true, and yes, people do get sick and die (Max, Marshall's dad...) and life does go on. But then, you don't frame it the way they did. It's just bad storytelling if you do it like that. And the problem is not the structure of season 9, because the characters develop in that season. The problem isn't even the mother's death. The problem is Ted ending up with Robin because that's not life moving forward for him, that's him, doing the same thing he did in 2005, 25 (twenty-fucking-five) years before!

In conclusion, this finale is incoherent and inconclusive, and not satisfying at all. The only character that gets a good ending is Marshall: why is that? What makes his ending great? It's the fact that his character arc is respected and he finally gets what he's been working towards for more than ten years.

#himym #how i met your mother #how i met your mother spoilers #how i met your mother finale #09x23 #09x24 #robin sherbatsky #ted mosby #tracy mcconnell #barney stinson #marshall eriksen #lily aldrin #swarkles #ted x robin #ted x tracy #barney x robin #a rant #the blue french hor #the yellow umbrella

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talkingbl · 3 years

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Popular BL opinions

Here's a running list of popular bl opinions so y'all can stop saying they're unpopular just for clout. Also, gonna include my own perspective on some of them in red.

Thai BLs are quantity over quality (or, alternatively: Thai BL sucks). Most of the time when people say this, they're also kpop stans, hype up anything Korean, Japanese, or Chinese and reek of colorism. Either way, Thailand has some of the best BLs out there. And while there is a lot of trash, you can literally say that about any other industry.

Korean BLs are the best. I have not been impressed thus far.

Trapped is the best HIStory story. lmao no.

Stop ordering ship names by top/bottom or using those labels in general.

It's bad/annoying/harmful/etc. when a one guy in the pairing is referred to as the "wife" in the relationship. On the one hand I understand this take, but on the other it just seems like a lot of folks are performative activists who want to seem 'woke' and just say shit just because it sounds good. This point is very nuanced b/c while there is a problem w/misgendering, 1) that's not your place to say something if the character in the story doesn't care, and 2) most of the time y'all just hate it b/c you don't want men to be associated w/femininity.

BLs need more LGBTQ+ representation.

We need more GLs instead of BLs. We do need more GLs but I never understand why these takes come up in unpopular BL opinion threads...

BLs should stop catering to straight women (or, alternatively: straight women who watch BLs are gross/disgusting/etc.). This is a tough topic b/c 1) I don't think all BLs cater to straight women specifically, 2) it's okay for anyone to consume any media as long as it's not harmful (could you imagine telling people they can't watch Asian dramas b/c they're not Asian??), and 3) it again comes from either internalized misogyny of LGBTQ+ women or outright misogyny from MLMs (yes, gay men can be misogynistic). At the same time anyone who fetishizes any media should definitely be called out, I just don't necessarily think this is always the case.

Most BL actors can't act.

Taiwanese BLs are underrated.

Only Philippines has good LGBTQ+ representation.

BLs should stop using actual LGBTQ+ actors as comic relief.

Fanservice is cringey/is bad/should stop.

BL producers should stop pairing the same actors together time and again. I will watch OffGun in anything they make together. I also will watch Gun in anything he does without Off. In fact, one sign of a good actor is that they can act w/the same people in different roles and still convince me that they're a new character every time. Gun can be Third, he can be Rome, he can be Black/White--him acting alongside Off in those roles only amplifies his talent for me. It's cool to see him in other roles, but I don't think he has to stop acting alongside Off if he doesn't want to.

BL producers should stop casting homophobic actors.

Non MLM people shouldn't have opinions on/need to stop consuming BL b/c it's problematic for some reason or another. This is one of the most ridiculous takes to me. I understand if people are being problematic but to categorically deny entire groups of people from consuming a certain type of media b/c they don't represent those characters is idiotic at best. Imagine if we could only watch things where we identified with every aspect of the characters' identity? Not only would all industries besides ones that represent majorities (for example Cishet white couples in the west and Cishet Chinese or Indian couples in the east) die off, but it also denies the complexities of human experience and, ironically, others the very groups we're meant to be embracing into the larger culture. It doesn't help that a lot of MLMs deny their misogyny, racism, colorism, etc. which informs their opinions on these things.

We need more LGBTQ+ BL producers.

Tharntype is bad.

2gether is overrated.

Most BL pairs hate each other. I honestly feel like most of them don't care one way or the other and do it for a check. Speaking specifically on Tay and New, I truly don't believe they actually hate each other. People who hate each other are more subtle in their beef than Tay and New. But more on that another time.

There is a distinct difference between BL and LGBTQ shows.

There needs to be less heteronormativity in BL.

Cherry Magic/ITSAY/Trapped are the god-tier BLs and nothing else touches them. Also, no.

All GMMTV BLs are bad but somehow at the same time Bad Buddy was a subversive masterpiece. GMMTV is what I like to call a mixed bag. They have My Gear and Your Gown but also produced Theory of Love. They give us absolute garbage-tier material but then turn around and produce Not Me. Besides, what other studios have consistently produced bangers? The answer is none. None of them have. Folks act like GMMTV needs to be on the 2000-2010 Pixar type beat when that is a difficult bar to reach. Also, Not Me and Theory of Love are the best GMMTV BLs.

BL shows need to stop demonizing female characters.

BL fans are toxic.

"I can't wait until [INSERT ACTOR HERE] steps out with his wife of 10 years and four healthy children!!" (or, alternatively: "let BL actors have girlfriends!") This opinion is not unpopular and never has been and also reeks of insecurity to some extent (more on this another time). We get it, you support actors as people and don't care about their sexuality/ships. You're a subversive king/queen who wants to see all the delulus weep blah, blah, blah. I 100% agree that any human being should be able to live their life and shouldn't be afraid to lose their status b/c of their relationship. I just think the people who constantly complain about this are annoying. It's a weird double-edged sword where I want actors to feel comfortable living their lives and want the immature fans to stop harassing them for it but I also want the complainers to stop putting bl fans (especially straight women fans) into one group as if everyone is harassing these actors when it seems to be a very small but unfortunately loud group.

University-set BLs are boring (or, alternatively: we need more *mature* BLs).

Let actors leave BL.

If you watch BL and enjoy the sex scenes/physical intimacy, you're toxic/homophobic/fetishizing/etc. lmao do people watch romances for anything other than this? Now this opinion would be heeded if most BLs weren't explicitly romance-based in nature and had plots outside of the romance. But most BLs don't have plot outside of the romance. And while asexual homoromantic people exist, most BLs are explicitly about homosexual romances. Like, do you say the same shit to people who watch other types of romances for the sex? Because 90% of all romances have strong sexual themes. I can't name a single one that doesn't involve or heavily feature sex. That said, fetishism is a real issue in BL. But I don't think this is the right way to frame the issue. We need to find ways to tackle fetishism without assuming that anyone who enjoys any romance for sex is automatically a fetishizer.

Brightwin don't have chemistry. They do, it's just not the chemistry you want to see. See, this is where real fetishism comes into play IMO. People think BW don't have chemistry b/c you can't imagine them having sex (b/c in these people's eyes if 2 men don't look like they wanna bone, they can't be compatible which ruins their fantasy). That said, even Brightwin's bro-chemistry isn't as natural as, say, OffTayArm's chemistry.

No ships are real. Hot take but we'll never know anyway. People who say this typically fall into a few categories (to be discussed at another time)--all of which point to some insecurity they have internally. Either way I don't really care much. I watch dramas for the shows themselves, not necessarily the actors behind them.

You're delulu/cringey if you ship pairings. I honestly do not care if people ship actors as long as they are keeping it out of the actors' faces and not allowing the fantasy to blur reality.

BL is holding Gun/BkPP back. Likewise, GMMTV is holding Singto/Tay/Gun back. This is simultaneously homophobic and incorrect. If these actors could get roles outside of BLs and they wanted to take them, they would. Also, BL is not some lesser industry where actors should aspire to "greater heights" such as straight lakorns/dramas. That's such a fucked way of looking at BL and contributes to the lack of quality BLs w/esteemed actors. As for the GMM take, it's kind of 50/50. Gun and Tay have done some amazing work under the GMMTV brand. But at the same time, it would be interesting to see what they can do in international work or even with other Thai studios.

#thai bl korean bl taiwanese bl boys love yaoi #gmmtv offgun taynew bkpp brightwin #tharntype 2gether bad buddy theory of love not me #itsay cherry magic billkin pp krit

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jungblue · 4 years

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aphrodite in war | 01

pairing: jeon jungkook x reader

genre: comedy, fluff, angst, eventual smut / greek life, fake dating, roommates, lovers to enemies and back to lovers au

word count: 11,022

description: Everyone knew about the war that had been brewing on the edge of campus for the past two years. Sorority versus Fraternity; a showdown for the ages. However, when the escalating antics between them yields the consequence of possible suspensions for both chapters, the presidents of each house must come together to try and figure out how to end this battle... Which is kind of hard, considering they were the ones responsible for it in the first place.

note: here is an audio post of a beautiful song with lyrics inspired by AiW, which was written by one of my lovely readers!

→ part 02

Hostility bleeds deep. The rivers of resentment collide violently as they carve a divide so saturated in disdain between the parties involved that you don’t even need to be told that there is something more to the story. It doesn’t need to be said out loud, but is just instinctively felt.

You didn’t need to be told that the ominous house at the end of street was sketchy and should be avoided at all cost; you just knew it. You didn’t need to be told that there was bad blood between the guy and girl whose jaws suddenly stiffened as their lips transformed into a firm, straight line when they caught sight of each other at a party; you just knew it — And you most certainly didn’t need to be told that there was an absolute war brewing at the end of Greek Drive between the Tri Delts and Lambdas; you just fucking knew it.

In the beginning, their rivalry was small. It was simple antics such as egging each other’s houses or fucking around with the letters that they so proudly displayed on their lawns. But then it turned a bit more intense. Egging the houses turned into spray-painting them and fucking with the letters on their lawns turned into completely trashing each other’s lawns. It was because of this that the once harmless pranks turned infamous. Everything that happened between their houses had constantly been circulated around campus for the past two years, or at the very least among their Greek counterparts… Which was probably how the two newly inducted presidents of Delta Delta Delta and Lambda Phi Epsilon, on the very first week of their final year in college, found themselves sitting in the office of a much higher power than their own titles — The president of their university; a single word spilling past his lips that had their stomachs twisting.

“Suspension!?” They both yelled in disbelief.

It was a word no organization wanted to hear. It branded your chapters with a shame that would be painted across the local news stations and even across the country. The lines would blur, only to lump them in with those terrible hazing stories that constantly flooded the media.

“P-president Kwon,” Jungkook finally stuttered out after a moment of coming to terms with the seriousness of the situation they were being faced with. “I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I promise the very... minor pranks that go on between our houses are probably much less problematic than what you’re thinking.”

“Mr. Jeon, do you think that we would threaten something of such dramatic action without several instances of confirmed proof?” President Kwon asked in a clipped tone as he leaned forward in his chair.

You could see the way that Jungkook blanched next to you, clearly not expecting this harsh treatment from President Kwon. Lambda Phi Epsilon happened to be President Kwon’s former fraternity, so it was well known that there was a good relationship there. However, in this moment you could make out nothing except for a glaring, red warning shining off the president’s ice-cold eyes.

“I — no, sir,” Jungkook whispered, dropping his head slightly to hide the sudden flush of red that was rushing to his face.

“It is more embarrassing than I can possibly describe to the two of you, receiving dozens upon dozens of phone calls and emails over the incidents involving your organizations. Garbage littering every inch of your front yards, obscene images drawn onto your houses, several instances of animal control having to be called due to rodents being set free in the house as a… as a prank? All of this is happening while visits from prospective students and their parents are being conducted. Donors who help this school are wandering the campus and seeing it. Tell me, did the incidents I just mentioned not actually transpire, Mr. Jeon? Ms. Y/L/N?”

The air was so stiff that you barely managed a shaky inhale in order to respond to the juvenile antics being laid out before you. “No, th-they did transpire, sir. And I don’t know what to say besides that I’m so, so sorry that we’ve embarrassed the university this way.” You bit at the inside of your cheek, President Kwon’s relentless glare of disappointment cutting you through and through.

“Yes, so completely sorry,” Jungkook added.

Nothing was said for a few moments after that. It seemed President Kwon wanted to make the two of you squirm for everything that you had done, and it was definitely working. Every movement made you feel self-conscious, the judgement permeating the office air felt as if it were sticking to your skin.

“I know that what we’ve done is completely unacceptable, President Kwon,” You began, not being able to take the silence anymore. “But I promise if you give us just one more chance, we’ll clean up our acts. No more pranks, just cordial neighbors. As the new presidents of our chapters this year, we’ll make sure the members understand that this behavior isn’t something that will be tolerated anymore.”

Jungkook was nodding his head next to you in agreeance. But once again the room was plunged into silence. It was honestly torture, sitting there under such scrutiny as someone held something so dear to you in the palm of their hand. It would break your heart if the suspension actually went through… Considering it was yours and Jungkook’s fault that tensions had gotten to where they were in the first place. The bad blood between the two of you had seeped into the minds of your members as well, which was ultimately how it got so ugly. But it had gotten especially bad this year now that you were the respective presidents of each of your houses and had allowed things to escalate further. Harsh feelings between two people couldn’t do much damage, but when it was dozens versus dozens, well that was when things got messy.

Eventually though you found yourself being pulled back to reality. President Kwon cleared his throat, the sound making your heart stutter in your chest as you prepared yourself for the worst.

“You’re exactly right. It won’t be tolerated any longer.” He paused for a moment, probably for the added effect of letting anxiety seize its way around your lungs. “Probation for the next three months. One more incident and it’s over. Do you understand?”

At that there was a simultaneous sigh of relief from you and Jungkook as the looming consequence faded… At least for now.

“Thank you so much, President Kwon.” Jungkook stood from his chair, reaching across the table to shake his hand. “I promise we won’t mess this up.”

You lifted yourself up from your chair as well, following his lead. “Yes, we promise.”

“I hope that’s true,” Is all President Kwon responded with as he led the two of you towards the door of his office. “Take care.”

With rather mumbled and rushed goodbyes you exited his office, the two of you shuffling quickly down the hallway until you were sure you were out of earshot. Both of you stopped as you turned the corner, insults already resting on the tips of your tongues.

“This is all your fucking fault!” You yelled in a hushed whisper.

“My fault!?” He whispered back, equally as intense. “You’re the one who started this shit, Y/N. No one would even be fighting if you hadn’t opened your mouth to your friends.”

“I was just venting to them! I had no idea that they would go and actually do something about it. And it was a harmless prank. They planted fucking flowers in front of your house for god’s sake, and your loser friends retaliated by digging holes in our yard. You guys are the ones who escalated it, and now it’s this out of control thing that’s going to get our chapters suspended!” Your chest was rising and falling, anger boiling inside of your blood. You had never even partaken in any of the antics that had gone on between the two houses nor had you baited any of your members into participating.

Jungkook rolled his eyes, tongue pressing at the inside of his cheek. “You know what? It’s whatever. We’ve been arguing about this for two years now, so I’m not expecting you to be reasonable any time soon.”

Your fists clenched at your sides, the painful reminder of how long this had been going on searing a deep cut across your chest. But it was like Jungkook had said, this had been going on for a long time and there was no point in arguing about who was right, because it wasn’t as if it actually mattered. So instead, you just didn’t respond. You stared at him for a moment, sneer fading into this sad downward turn of your lips. And surprisingly you watched the way his expression softened as well. His brows were furrowing a little less, his jaw not as hard and brooding.

You gave him a tiny nod before you turned away and headed towards the exit. It was a few seconds before you heard his footsteps start to follow you. Every time his sneakers would squeak against the linoleum floor behind you, it felt like this tiny pressure was beginning to build at the base of your throat. You weren’t sure why you still got these feelings of… longing, even after all of this passed time. It was pathetic. Jungkook apparently didn’t long for anything from back then, so why did you?

Eventually you were able to breathe a little clearer once you pushed your way through the exit and away from the tight and tense space of faculty meetings and suspension threats. The fresh air filled your rattled lungs — too bad it was murky and humid beneath the gray storm clouds that were currently drowning the campus in a depressing drizzle.

“Goddammit,” You muttered beneath your breath.

You didn’t drive here since this building had been so close to your last class of the day. The Tri Delt house was about a ten minute walk from here, so it looked like you needed to get going before the light sprinkle of rain turned into a thunderstorm. You were about to step out from underneath the overhead of the roof and down the steps when you felt a light tug of someone pulling at the back of the belt loop on your jeans.

“Do you need a ride?” Jungkook asked before you had even turned around to fully face him. His expression was neutral. It didn’t seem annoyed or concerned, but he had always been good at hiding his emotions like that.

Of course you didn’t want to walk home in the rain, but sitting in a confined space with Jungkook after you’d both just gotten done yelling at one another didn’t seem like the greatest time either. But in the end, you decided that a few minutes wouldn’t kill you. “Yeah, I guess,” You whispered, motioning for him to go ahead so you could follow. His car was parked in one of the first spots at the bottom of the steps. You were both silent as you opened the doors and climbed inside.

It was weird. You hadn’t been in Jungkook’s car in years. You watched him pull out of the parking space, one hand on the wheel, the other leaning against the center console. It felt all too familiar. You blew a heady sigh past your lips, hands wringing in your lap. It didn’t seem to matter how much time passed, the tension between you and him never seemed to lessen. It was a constant, palpable stiffness in the air.

“Do you think we’ll be able to get them to stop fighting?” Jungkook finally asked once they turned onto Greek Drive, giving some mild relief to the strain that the two of you were so highly aware of.

“If suspension doesn’t do it, then I honestly don’t know what would.”

He nodded, seeming to agree. “Yeah, I’m sure they’ll cut it out.”

“Yeah, they can’t be that dumb—” However, your words seemed to disintegrate along your tongue as the car approached the Lambda and Tri Delt houses that stood side by side.

“Jesus Christ,” Jungkook muttered, pulling into the driveway which currently had a Lambda named Jimin running down it towards his truck that was completely covered in saran-wrap and a laughing Tri Delt named Joy who was holding said saran-wrap.

“Get back here and take this shit off my truck right now!” You heard Jimin yell.

“Nope, I’m good.” She smiled, shrugging and taunting him as she jogged away.

“This… This might be harder than we thought,” You said.

Jungkook rested his head against the steering wheel, eyes closed. “Yeah, way fucking harder.”

---------

It was several mass group texts later, demanding that every Lambda and Tri Delt come to their houses immediately, that all forty-two members of the combined organizations who actually lived in-house finally arrived… Yeah, there was no way that this could go terribly wrong or anything… Right?

You and Jungkook stood in front of the members as they gathered on the grassy area that separated your two houses. As expected there were dozens of mumbled conversations transpiring, all speculating on what the hell was going on here. You looked to Jungkook, giving him a nod to tell him that they should start.

He cleared his throat, clapping his hands together, resulting in large boom that got everyone’s attention. “All right, listen up. We have something important we need to discuss.”

“Jungkook, why the hell are the Tri Delts here?” A Lambda named Yuta yelled out.

“Because we can be, asshole.” It was Jennie.

“Who’re you calling an asshole?” Taehyung asked, even though he had nothing to do with it.

“Your dickhead friend,” Sana responded, again even though it had nothing to do with her.

And then Chanyeol chimed in, followed by Momo, which then got escalated by Johnny and continued by Dahyun. After that you lost track of who was arguing because it just became a giant clusterfuck of people yelling and this was the perfect example of how this entire war started — people getting involved in the business of others that didn’t even concern them.

You started rubbing at your temples, fingernails digging into your palms. This was enough. “Shut the fuck up!” You yelled, a loud echo that reverberated through the air and hushed everyone into silence. “This is why you’re all here.” You motioned towards them.

“What do you mean?” Someone asked from the back. “What’s going on?”

“Me and Y/N had a meeting with President Kwon today,” Jungkook paused, releasing a deep sigh before continuing. “He said that if we all keep publicly fighting the way we have been… that our chapters will get suspended.”

There was a small pause, as if it didn’t immediately click with everyone what had been said — and then the panic set in.

“What?!”

“No fucking way!”

“He can’t be serious!”

“That’s bullshit!”

“This is just another prank, right?!”

Having forty-two people publicly shouting expletives, wasn’t the best start to this image reset that President Kwon wanted, but there was no way either of the chapters would have been okay with the other house coming into their own, so this little outdoor set-up was the best option they had.

You and Jungkook sort of just stood there for a moment, letting the members get their gut-reactions out. Then he turned to you, motioning towards the mob of angry Greek lifers. “You were always better at yelling than me. You wanna quiet them down?” He smirked, a jab that had you clenching your teeth.

“Great way to start off this so called peace treaty, but sure, I’ll gladly calm them down and get straight to the point. I wouldn’t want to let them drown in their own heads without knowing what’s going on because someone won’t just be upfront.” You stared him straight in the eyes, making sure he got your double meaning since he wanted to play dirty and bring up the past. He simply clenched his jaw and averted his gaze back to the crowd of hysterics laid out before them.

“Quiet down and we’ll explain.” You yelled as loud as you could, hoping it would reach everyone so that the chatter would die down quickly. Luckily it seemed they were all on the verge of a mental breakdown and needed answers, so the volume was almost instantly brought down to a hush. All eyes were now on you. “To make things simple, President Kwon thinks that our little prank war or whatever the hell you want to call it, has brought too much negative attention to the school. Visiting students and their parents, donors, and apparently a lot of other people have noticed all of the antics that we pull on each other, and they don’t like it.” You paused, gauging the reactions, but everyone was just frozen in place, waiting for more details. “He put both of our houses on three months of probation and said that if we don’t clean up our acts and stop with all of this petty bullshit that he would suspend our chapters. So, really it’s that easy. We just have to let this feud die down...” You paused, not wanting to say what you were going to say next, but you thought that it would be the best way to diffuse the situation. “And I know that it was the venting of my personal feelings that started this entire thing, so I wanted to say… I’m sorry for causing it.” You didn’t look towards Jungkook, but you could feel his stare burning into the side of your face. You didn’t want to see his expression. Didn’t want to see the smugness or whatever the hell he was feeling towards this forced public apology. You were about to continue, but before you could, a high-pitched voice cut in.

“No, why are you apologizing?” Sana said, stepping past the front lines of the two groups. “It is not your fault.” She shot a glare towards Jungkook who simply rolled his eyes and kept his stare straight ahead.

Then it was Jennie pushing to the front to join in on your defense. “She’s right, Y/N. It’s not your fault. We’re the ones who planted the flowers as a joke. Even though it was a harmless joke,” She turned towards the Lambda boys, venom coating her words, “that made their trashy house look a little bit nicer. Yet, they had to escalate it into something else.”

Oh, this was not good.

Jimin broke through the front line for the Lambdas, a scowl etched across his face. “It’s not the issue of what you did. It’s the fact that back then you blindly fucked with the house that all of the guys lived in, not only Jungkook, just because of Y/N being upset over their relationship — which, he did nothing wrong since you wanna start glaring at people for no fucking reason Sana.”

It was this violent concoction of anger and sadness colliding inside of your stomach that had you simultaneously fighting back the urge to bite off Jimin’s head or crying pathetically in front of everyone.

Multiple people were stepping to the front of their groups now, various arguments splintering off as people began defending the heads of their respective houses. Y/N this, Jungkook that. You stared at the second story of the Tri Delt house, focusing in on the bedroom window all the way to the right (your bedroom), so that your hearing would blur out. You didn’t want to listen to these arguments any more, but you also didn’t have the energy to both somehow defend yourself while also admitting that Jungkook’s feelings from back then were also valid. So you stood there, eyes glazing over at the sight of the room where this entire feud spawned from. Though, maybe that wasn’t exactly correct. According to Jungkook it had started in no particular place and at no particular time that he could actually pinpoint. That was just the place where it had all finally been verbalized.

You weren’t sure how long you zoned out for, just reminiscing on the conversation from that night, but it was Jungkook’s voice thundering through the air that halted everyone’s arguments once again, along with your torturous thoughts.

“All of you just fucking stop!” He yelled. “It doesn’t matter whose fault it is or how it started. If we keep doing this we’re gonna get our chapters suspended. Do you guys want that?” There was an awkward moment of silence where everyone was just sort of looking around at one another before the members finally grumbled a unanimous ‘no.’ “Okay, so then you guys are just gonna have to get over this bullshit, just like how me and Y/N are,” Jungkook paused, one brow arched as he turned to face you. “Right?”

You felt your face heat up as you clamped your teeth down onto the inside of your cheek. “…Right.”

“Good.” Jungkook smiled, seeming very happy with himself for getting that out of you — smug asshole. He turned back to face all of the members, clapping his hands together before saying something that caused the entire group to erupt into hysterics. “Now, apologize to each other.”

“Fuck that!” Someone screeched from the back. “Baek let the air out of my tires last year. I was late for my final.”

“Because you put a pair of panties in my car and my girlfriend thought I was cheating on her!”

“You probably were!”

Everyone was screaming and calling out various incidents, saying there was no way in hell they were ever going to apologize.

“Fine! Fucking fine!” Jungkook cut in immediately before it could devolve again. “How about if me and Y/N just apologize to each other and it’ll count for the rest of you? And then this war is dead. Sound fair?”

No one said anything concrete in response, just unintelligible grumbles rippling through the crowd. Jungkook apparently took this as an okay, because he was suddenly turning toward you. “Alright, you go first.”

You scoffed. “I’m not apologizing first. It wasn’t even my idea. Besides I already apologized to everyone earlier.”

“It wasn’t an apology to me though.”

“I don’t think I owe you an apology.” You shrugged. “I apologized for my friends fucking with your house. What else do I need to apologize for?”

He just looked at you, with those eyes that were unreadable. Though you could see a slight shift, as though there truly was something that he wanted you to apologize for from back then, but he could tell that you weren’t going to back down, so he went for something that cut deep as punishment.

He huffed in annoyance. “Fine, if you wanna be like that. I’m sorry that I broke up with you, Y/N.”

Your entire body flared with anger that had a pool of sweat instantly swelling at your hairline. You stepped closer to him, only a foot of space between you, but he didn’t back down and you weren’t going to either. “And I’m sorry I wasted three years of my life with a lying, cheating piece of shit!”

His eyes went wide. The word that never failed to strike a nerve whenever this argument was brought back under the light. His response was quiet but firm, everyone, all forty-two members watching in silence. “I never cheated on you, but if you want to think that just so I can be the bad guy in your head, fine.”

His final word felt like a sharp cut across your chest, but you stood firm, not backing down. You didn’t break eye contact with him as you voiced your final sentiment to the two groups of warring Greeks. “I don’t care whose side you guys fall on when it comes to this overblown drama between me and Jungkook. The fighting, the pranks, all of it, it’s over.”

“Agreed.” Jungkook bit out before turning and walking towards the Lambda house, a silent command for his Brothers to do the same.

You didn’t stand there for a single second longer and began walking toward your own house, your fellow Sisters following. Your best friends, Sana and Jennie, instantly threw their arms around your shoulders. “Vodka?” The universal distraction from all things awful in life.

You shook your head. “Tequila.” The universal eraser to all things awful in life. “Lots of tequila.”

——-

“He’s lucky that we’re in a truce now or I would’ve thought up something diabolical for his arrogant ass,” Jennie said as she dusted some blush on her cheeks.

“I know right, ugh!” Sana made a disgusted sound as she handed you the necklace she was letting you borrow for the night. “Telling you to apologize first. Like fuck you. You haven’t even done anything.”

You simply sighed, jumping to get your jeans past your thighs. “It’s fine guys. As long as no more issues pop up we can just ignore them and act like none of this ever happened.”

“I know, I know, but it just pisses me off that they always bring your name into the argument. Like you didn’t tell us to go and mess with them. We did it ourselves, and sure, looking back on it now we shouldn’t have done it — even though they were some nice fucking flowers — but regardless, they pushed it to another level.” Sana let out a final huff as she hopefully released the last of her ranting for the night.

“The point of the tequila,” You said as you filled three shot glasses, several wedges of lime waiting beside them, “Is to forget the problems. Not continue thinking about them.”

Sana snapped her fingers and pointed at you with a smile as she picked up her shot. “You know what, you’re right. Fuck the Lambdas. They no longer exist. In my head we live next to a vacant patch of grass.”

“Exactly.” Jennie picked up her glass, leaving the final one for you. “Cheers to no longer having to deal with the house that must not be named.”

The three of you let out a little cheer before clinking your glasses together and forcing your bodies through the post-shot shivers that followed.

After the front yard meeting fiasco you knew immediately you would be going out. However, it had still been quite early, so you, Sana, and Jennie decided to indulge in several glasses of wine to bide the time before it was late enough to feel like an appropriate time to be downing shots. Tequila at six in the afternoon, even on a Friday, just didn’t feel right, so alcohol juice it had been. Though, the warm feeling that was already radiating through your legs as you walked over to the mirror to do one last once over of your outfit indicated that the so called alcohol juice had done its job as the pre-game to the actual hard liquor pre-game a little too well.

“Okay, I’m only opting for one more round while we’re here or else we will be having a repeat of St. Patrick’s Day.” Too many green beers that day. Too many.

“Senior year wisdom.” Jennie placed her hand over her heart. “Our freshman year brains would never.”

“Our freshman year brains didn’t have an aversion to six different types of alcohol yet.” You laughed as you motioned to take the next round of shots. “And I would like to still be able to look at a bottle of tequila without going into a full-body sweat after tonight, so we’re pacing ourselves.”

“Oh, Fireball. The days when I could still drink you were so simple.” Sana grabbed her face and grimaced as if Fireball was a long lost god, while you audibly gagged from the name of the cinnamon flavored whiskey alone.

“Sana, stop. You know Y/N can’t even look at a churro anymore without looking like she’s gonna yak everywhere like a dog.”

I faked a sniffle. “God, I miss being able to eat churros.” Cinnamon was now inedible to you thanks to your now forever connection between the delectable spice and the previously mentioned unspeakable liquor. A break up that rivaled that of yours and Jungkook’s.

“Uber’s gonna be here in three minutes,” Jennie said as she returned to your bedside table to grab her shot glass once again.

The three of you raised your glasses together with a clink. “Let’s fuck it up.”

——----

The bar right next to your college, simply referred to as “Pub,” was a weird place to be on the first Friday of the new semester. It was a mix of underage freshman trying to slyly sip at their alcohol while attempting to hide the X’s marked on their hands, and of age students that felt a little too old to be at Pub, but who could argue with free drinks for girls until midnight? Definitely not you, Sana, or Jennie.

The three of you found your temporary home at the tables on the deck right outside of the entrance, the fresh air much preferable to the stuffy atmosphere of the dance floor that you would soon find yourself on given the right song choice to send you flying through the door.

You watched as Sana shimmied through the crowd of people to return to your table, three tiny plastic cups in hand. “You get a vodka Sprite, you get a vodka Sprite, and I get a vodka Sprite!” She yelled as she set the cups down on the table.

You laughed. “People may call that basic, but we still get drunk and don’t have to drink Jack and fucking Coke.”

“The Devil’s combo.” Jennie sipped her drink. “You see a guy drinking that: run. He thinks he’s so fucking cool.”

Sana raised her plastic cup. “Cheers to the truth.”

“Cheers,” You all agreed collectively.

“But speaking of guys who don’t drink Jack and Coke, I ran into Namjoon when I went to the bathroom a minute ago.” A blush crept across Jennie’s cheeks.

“Are you finally gonna see if he’s interested? He’s not your TA anymore, so it’s not sketchy.”

Jennie shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s weird. He seems so uninterested that it’s intimidating. Like I’ve imagined thirty-seven different scenarios for our first date and he’s only like ‘Hi, Jennie. Bye, Jennie.”

You and Sana couldn’t help but laugh, however, the amusement was cut short by a decently sized group of familiar males.

“Fuck me,” You said under your breath, which was enough for Jennie to turn around and see the pack of Lambda boys climbing the wooden steps onto the deck of the bar, Jungkook leading the way.

“You try to forget your problems and they just walk in on two legs.” Sana groaned. “It’s rude really.”

The group got caught in the line to get into the bar, which unfortunately left them idling uncomfortably close to your table, and of course something had to be said.

Jimin glanced down at them sitting, a fake grin plastered to his mouth. “If it isn’t our cordial neighbors.”

Jennie snapped her head up to look at him, mirroring his forced smile. “Cordial can also mean that we’re pretending you don’t exist. In fact, we no longer acknowledge that we even have neighbors.”

“That’s fantastic, actually. It means I can forget that awful blowjob you gave me freshman year even happened.”

Jennie’s jaw clenched for all of a millisecond before responding. “Awful? Say that to my untouched vagina after you came in sixty seconds. Though again, we’re pretending you don’t exist, so I guess I can forget the most underwhelming sexual experience of my life. Thanks, Jimin.” She turned back to you and Sana, not sparing a second glance as if she’d simply given someone directions to the nearest Denny’s.

But Jimin wasn’t through. “That’s not what happened—”

You could see in your friend’s face she was already squaring up another jab, and as much as you found it entertaining you knew it was setting a bad example.

“Jennie,” You said at the same time that Jungkook sighed “Jimin.”

You both looked at each other, a silent message of gratefulness passing between the two of you at trying to actually make this work.

“Guys, neither of us want to get our chapters suspended. If ignoring each other is the best route, do that, or maybe even be friends. Whatever results in no fuckery between our houses, okay?” You reminded them of what was at stake here and everyone nodded, letting any planned animosity fall away as the line to get into the bar began to move.

You tilted your head, watching as Jungkook’s back disappeared into the building, his eyes crinkling as he smiled brightly at some girl who noticed him the second he made it past the threshold.

Again, that stupid feeling of longing for something that was clearly dead and gone. But you didn’t want to get too down, so before you could spiral too far you turned back towards your friends. “So did he really last sixty seconds?”

“No,” Jennie smiled, “But I definitely still have the texts of him telling me the next day it was the best suck of his life. He’s the one that lied first, so I get to bend the truth too.”

“Freshman year is so weird to think about. Everyone was actually friendly. Jennie and Jimin might be dating right now if it wasn’t for our little war.” Sana laughed as she batted the napkin away that Jennie tossed at her.

“Absolutely not. I want someone like Namjoon, who’s smart and respectful. Not Jimin, who… who…” She trailed off simply finishing her thought with a wordless grimace.

Jennie said that, but you knew it wasn’t exactly true. You remembered very well when Jennie and Jimin were involved and she actually seemed to enjoy the Lambda’s presence quite a bit. But then things went to shit the summer after your freshman year was over, and well, this was the reality now. Snide comments at every passing instead of mutual invites to beach days.

You were beginning to let a little slideshow of memories from that first year cloud your head when a song that already had you lifting out of your chair clamored inside the bar. “We dance till dawn!” You pulled your friends by their arms through the entrance, waving your wristbands at the bouncer before pushing your way to the middle of the dance floor.

“Drinks!” Jennie beamed, remembering that they had finished the others outside. “I’ll be back!” She yelled over the music, pointing towards the bar.

You and Sana gave her a thumbs up as you began to dance together, singing the lyrics so loud your throats would certainly punish you by night’s end. But you didn’t care. Today had been absolutely disastrous, ripping up old wounds that you wished would just stay permanently beneath their flimsy bandaid, so you were thankful for this music that was blaring so loud that thoughts weren’t even an option, the alcohol that was so potent you could barely remember Jungkook’s smug face from the house meeting today, and your friends that allowed you to be this happy on days this bad.

A few songs passed and you and Sana were still dancing and getting so hyped up by every new spin that it took you a second to remember that Jennie definitely should’ve been back by now. You looked around, only to find a sight that made you let out a slight scream that was completely concealed by the music. You tapped Sana and began pointing towards the bar. She turned and immediately mirrored your excitement.

Namjoon was leaning into Jennie at the bar, whispering something into her ear and you could see her smiling, redness once again blooming on her face. In your drunkenness you pulled out your phone and snapped severa blurry pictures, which were sure to be a great topic of discussion in the group chat tomorrow. You watched Jennie nod her head, smiling and pointing to the three drinks in her hand, and then she started back towards where you were.

“Bitch, the drinks could’ve waited!” You tried to say over the music. “Go back and talk to him.”

Jennie actually looked giddy as she handed over the drinks to you and Sana. “I am. He’s leaving soon though, but he asked if I wanted to grab something to eat with him at the diner down the street.”

Sana jumped up and down in excitement. “So he basically asked you to marry him? Got it.”

“Oh yeah, he’s totally gonna propose to me over my omelette.” She joked, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Are you guys okay if I go?”

“Of course, but I will be checking your location in fifteen minutes and if you are not at that diner I will hunt Namjoon’s ass down in two seconds,” You warned. “—Except if you decide you wanna skip the diner and go straight to fucking that’s cool too, just let us know.”

Jennie threw out another giddy expression at the thought. “I’ll text you guys. Love you!” She said, kissing her hand and throwing it out to you as she weaved back towards where Namjoon was waiting for her at the bar.

“Fuck Disney,” You shouted to Sana. “Dreams come true at Pub too.”

She bent over, laughing as she tried to sip her drink. “Ugh, if only we could be that lucky. I’ve never had a TA even close to that hot.”

“Same, but maybe we’ll find something else tonight.” You motioned toward the back where you could see some of the soccer players hanging out. You eyed Jung Hoseok. The two of you had hooked up a few times last year, and getting laid would be a perfect ending to this bad to actually decent day.

“Oh, I see.” Sana wiggled her brows, giving a knowing look. “Let’s go bump into them.” She grabbed your hand and began leading you through the crowd until you reached the area that the soccer players were idly standing around and sipping their drinks. You started a conversation about something random right behind Hoseok, and it was only a minute or so before he turned around and noticed the two of you.

“Oh, look who it is.” He smiled, hugging you. “Been a while.”

“I know your summer must’ve been so dull without me,” You flirted, sipping at your drink.

“No question.” He leaned back against the wall, pulling you by the waist so you weren’t halfway on the dance floor and constantly being bumped into. Sana noticed the gesture and took that as her cue to let things simmer between you and Hoseok.

“Y/N, I see Nayeon and Joy over there.” She pointed towards the other corner of the bar, where you saw the two Tri Delts mingling. “I’m gonna go over there, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

She leaned into your ear, whispering, “If you wanna go home with him just text me. I’ll catch a ride with them on the way back to the house.”

“I’m ninety-five percent sure I will, but I’ll text you to make sure,” You whispered back.

She squeezed your shoulder before pulling back. “Take care of her Jung. I’ve heard you’re very good at that.” Sana smiled like a tiny devil before running through the crowd, leaving you slightly slack-jawed.

You bit your lip, a small warmth creeping into our face. “Please, ignore that,” You bit through an awkward laugh.

“Why’re you embarrassed?” He smiled, shrugging before leaning next to your ear. “I mean I have taken care of you every single time we’ve been together, right?”

His breath was hot against the side of your face, leaving you tingling. You lifted your hand, cupping his jaw as you pulled him back to look him in the face. “You can’t say things like that to me when we’re in a bar and you can’t do anything about it.”

He smiled, eyes drifting to your mouth. “I mean we could always leave. It’s almost closing time anyways.”

You smiled. “One more drink, after I finish this one.”

“Perfect.” He leaned in, gave you a small peck on the lips before ruffling your hair a little and turning to say something to his friend. Presumably it was something about him getting laid tonight, which was exactly the same conversation you were about to have with your friend.

You: the hookup is secure

Sana: quick work. i’m proud

Sana: joy and nayeon said that lisa is sick in the bathroom and they’re about to take her back to the house, so i was just going to catch a ride with them if you’re going with hoseok. sound good?

You: oh really? i hope she’s okay. make sure she gets water at home. and yes i’ll be fine. we were gonna have one last drink and then go. i’ll text you when i make it to his place

Sana: sounds good. love you!

You slipped your phone back into your pocket after returning the sentiment.

“Everything good?” Hoseok asked.

“Yeah, one of our friends is sick so Sana was just letting me know she was gonna go home with her.”

“Damn,” Hoseok tsked, jokingly. “Does that mean I’m stuck with you for the night?”

“It would seem so.” You smiled, and then he pulled you beneath his arm and adjusted the backwards cap on his head.

“You know, I’m all for just fucking or whatever, but you’re really never gonna say yes to a date, are you?”

You paused before answering, remembering that time last year that he’d asked about actually taking you out to dinner. You had thought about it, but in the end you just decided you had no desire to even slightly pivot in the direction of being any more than friends with benefits with someone. Though, if anyone were able to sway you away from that mindset after Jungkook, it would be Hoseok, but just not yet.

“If I let you take me to Steak n’ Shake after this, will that suffice?” You giggled at the way he rolled his eyes while still smiling.

“I have leftovers in my fridge better than the food from there, so I’ll let you have that.” He paused, a slight glimmer filling his eyes. “Maybe I’ll light a candle, make it romantic, sort of like a date.”

Your skin prickled slightly at the mention of the candle, a call back to one of their more… unconventional hook ups from last year.

“Is candle wax being melted onto my naked body and drunkenness really a good mix?” You asked, even though it had been one of the best feelings you had ever experienced.

“Not that drunk, but it could always wait until the morning.”

You tapped your finger to your lips as if you were pondering it. “Let me get my last drink and I’ll let you know my answer.”

“I have a tab open.” He motioned towards the bar. “Just get it on mine.”

“Thanks,” You said, even though you planned to pay for it yourself. Random guys you didn’t mind hustling a few free drinks from, but not guys you were actually sort of friends with.

You walked up to the bartender. “Vodka Sprite,” You said over the thumping music. He nodded and then stepped to the left and made your drink. He handed it to you as you slipped him your credit card, motioning to close the tab out.

You were already halfway done with sipping on the drink when the bartender returned a slight look of awkwardness on his face. “Uh, it declined.”

Your brows furrowed. Your financial aid refund for school had definitely been deposited into your bank account. You knew this because you had jumped for joy when it hit and you were finally able to return to the sanctuary that is no-ads Hulu. There was enough to cover your dues for staying in the Tri Delt house this semester, so there should certainly have been enough to cover a four dollar drink. You were pondering what to do, maybe just put it on Hoseok’s tab like he said you could. It was probably just your actual bank having issues and it would sort itself out in the morning anyways. You were just about to say to put it on his tab when someone slid their muscled bicep right in front of your face with a credit card in hand.

You knew that it was pathetic that you knew exactly who that bicep belonged to before he even turned to look at your face, black strands of hair hanging over his forehead.

“I got it,” Jungkook said to the bartender.

“Why’d you do that?” You asked.

“Because I was right behind you and heard him, and I know how embarrassed you get about things like that.” He shrugged, grabbing the paper and pen that the bartender slid back towards him.

He was right. You had terrible secondhand embarrassment, let alone actual first hand embarrassment. “Well… thanks. I don’t know why it did that. I got my refund already.”

“Just check your bank account. If the money’s in there then the bank system is probably just fucked up right now.”

“Yeah…” You slid your phone out of your pocket and immediately went to your banking app and pressed your fingerprint down onto the login. You waited a few seconds, and when your balance appeared on the screen, you felt your heart drop. “What in the actual fuck?” You said, staring at your bank account with a whopping dollar and twenty cent in it.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asked, brows furrowed as he rounded to your side to look at your screen to see the low number that was not at all what it was yesterday. “I thought you said you got your refund?”

You were shaking your head. “I… I did. I don’t know what the hell happened. Oh my god, I’m gonna freak the fuck out. I have to pay my housing cost for Tri-Delt with that money. Like what the fuck is going on—”

You felt Jungkook’s on your back, rubbing light circles. “Just breathe.” You stiffened at the touch, but didn’t try to pull away. “It’s probably just a financial aid fuck up. Call them tomorrow. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

You knew that he was probably right, but a creeping feeling was telling you otherwise. This was your fourth year in college dealing with the same exact scholarships every single semester and this had never happened before.

“Fuck.” You brought your hands up to push at either of your temples. “That really just fucked up my whole mood. I’m not even horny anymore—” You cringed, realizing what you just said. “Please, just ignore me I’m drunk.” You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut, not wanting to see the expression he’d made at your admission.

“What’re you doing now? Where’s Sana and Jennie?” He asked, ignoring your flub and finally lowering his hand from your back.

“They’re not here. Jennie left earlier and I told Sana I was gonna go home with… Hoseok, but now I just wanna go lay in bed by myself so I can spiral into every negative possibility of why my bank account looks like that.”

“It’s gonna be fine.” This time he placed his hand on the back of your neck, cupping it slightly. It was a motion that had always for some reason calmed you down when things got overwhelming. It seemed he remembered. But even though you appreciated the comfort, the feeling of his hand there made something in your stomach flutter — that stupid feeling of longing seriously needed it’s wings shredded. You gripped his forearm, pulling it away from you, and you saw something shift in his eyes as you did so.

“I guess I’m gonna go tell Hoseok that I’m just gonna go home—” But then you suddenly remembered something. “Fuck! I can’t Uber because I don’t have any money on my card.” You pinched the bridge of your nose. “This day was so bad and then actually pretty good, only to turn out fucking awful.”

There was a couple of seconds of silence between the two of you, but you kept your eyes closed, trying to clear the fog in your head from all the alcohol to figure out what you were going to do. However, Jungkook finally let out a sigh before speaking. “Come on.”

“What?” You asked.

“All of these people are trying to get out of here at once and they’re ordering Uber’s at the same time.” He flashed his phone screen, showing that it was not only almost closing time, but that the next driver wouldn’t be available for thirty-two minutes with everyone having already ordered their rides. “It’s a twenty minute walk back to your house. I’ll just walk you there.”

Even though Jungkook was currently the president of the Lambdas, he actually decided not to live in the frat house this year and instead opted for a cheaper apartment that was still near campus. You and Jungkook both relied on scholarships to pay for most of your schooling, and fraternity and sorority dues on their own were not cheap, and living on Greek Drive only made that burden a million times worse.

But the point was that Jungkook had no need to go to campus because he lived in a completely different direction now.

“You don’t even live there anymore. How’re you gonna get home?” You asked.

“I’ll just sleep on the couch and get Tae or Jimin to drive me to my place in the morning.” He shrugged.

You weren’t exactly keen on the idea of having to walk all the way back to campus with Jungkook, considering just a five minute car ride earlier in the day had been sufficiently awkward all on its own. But you also were unfortunately no longer in the mood for sex, leaving Hoseok’s house out of the picture, and your bank account was for some reason drained, which resulted in you only having one option really.

“Alright,” You finally said. “Just let me tell Hoseok and then we can go.”

He nodded as you walked back towards the group of soccer players, tapping Hoseok on the shoulder. It seemed your dismay was painted plainly on your face because he immediately asked what was wrong.

“I actually can’t hang out tonight. I just found out my bank account is fucked up and I can’t really think about anything else right now, so I was just gonna head home, but I wanted to let you know. I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re fine,” He said, shaking his head. “Do you have a way home then?”

You glanced towards Jungkook, releasing a heavy sigh. “Uhm, yeah, Jungkook was gonna walk me.”

Hoseok’s eyes darted toward where you pointing, narrowing slightly. Most people knew about the feud between the Lambdas and the Tri Delts, which meant most people also knew the details about why there was a feud in the first place.

“Are you sure you’re good with that?” Hoseok asked.

Not really, but a twenty minute walk wasn’t going to kill you. “We’re fine, promise. Actually we’ve been… cordial lately.” You tried to say it like it was actually the truth, but you thought maybe if you spoke it into existence then it would actually come to fruition.

Hoseok tilted his head, giving you a look that said he didn’t really believe you, but regardless he pulled you in for a hug. “Okay, let me know when you get home.”

“I will,” You assured him before waving goodbye and making your way back towards Jungkook.

“Ready,” He huffed, a slight annoyance seeming to coat his words as he pushed himself off of the wall and started towards the entrance.

“Are you really gonna have an attitude?” You asked as you did a little jog to catch up with him. “I would’ve found another way if I knew you were gonna act like an ass.”

“I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m just tired.” He placed his hand on one of your shoulders, moving you in front of him so the two of you could move through the mass of people more quickly until you were walking through the entrance and down the wooden ramp that connected to the outside deck.

“Then why’d you offer? I could’ve called someone to pick me up.”

“Because,” He paused, motioning towards the crosswalk that already had dozens of drunk college kids filing through it. “I couldn’t just leave you there, and I thought just taking you home would be quicker than you calling people to try and find a ride.”

Ouch. He was just trying to be nice and you were calling him an ass. Heat flushed beneath your skin from embarrassment. “I’m sorry…” You finally said as you made it to the sidewalk and began the straight shot down the main road towards Greek Drive. “Thank you for making sure I got home alright.” You added, avoiding any eye contact and opting to walk a little bit in front of him.

After about five entire minutes of silence you thought to yourself, yeah, this was going pretty much as expected. But you were thankful that at least there wasn’t any hostility. You didn’t want any more arguments like the ones from today. You had seethed at each other after the two of you left President Kwon’s office. Had thrown insults at one another at the meeting between your houses. Like sure, maybe the silence hurt more than it should’ve. The idea that the guy you started dating and fell in love with when you were a junior in high school not even being able to fake a conversation with you for twenty minutes was mildly heartbreaking to say the least. But again, the silence was better than the anger that had fueled most of your interactions since breaking up the summer after starting college.

You had become somewhat content with the lack of speaking. You were still a few steps ahead of Jungkook as he walked behind you, but he suddenly picked up speed and joined you, shoulder skating against yours before he was curving his hand around your waist and nudging you to go to the side of the sidewalk that wasn’t closest to the main road that was currently buzzing with post-bar traffic.

“Wouldn’t want you falling face first into a Camero that someone’s Daddy bought them, Drunkie,” He said, offering a playful smile as he dropped his arm back down to his side.

You were caught so off guard by the positive expression from Jungkook that it took you a second for your head to actually realize what he had even said. You pushed his shoulder. “I’m not even drunk anymore.”

“Well, considering I can literally smell the tequila on you, I’d rather not take any chances of you falling into oncoming traffic.”

“You’re being nice.” You narrowed your eyes at him. “Too nice.”

“What?” He chuckled. “I’m just making an effort to try and fix things between us so that the members don’t see us constantly fighting and think it’s okay to do the same.”

Ah, that’s what it was. He didn’t care if you guys actually patched this up, just that it looked like you did.

“Well, we could always pretend to like each other, since the appearance is all that actually matters apparently.” You forced a smile and began walking a little bit faster. Ten more minutes. Ten more minutes of being alone with him and his stupid presence that overwhelmed you with thoughts that you wished would just disappear.

“That’s not what I meant,” He said almost immediately, not letting that unbearable plunge into silence return. “I would love it if we could be nice to each other and actually mean it… I just…” He trailed off, seeming to hesitate in whatever he was trying to say.

“Just spit it out.”

There was one more second of a brief pause before he spoke quietly. “I just don’t think that’s ever going to happen, because I know you still blame me for everything.”

You tensed up, still keeping your pace of being slightly ahead of him. You inhaled a deep breath through your mouth before turning to look over your shoulder at him, his eyes already waiting to meet yours.

“I don’t blame you.” You smiled, but with a sad furrowing of your brows. “I… resent you.”

Jungkook’s mouth fell open, his eyes widening in surprise. “I mean, that’s… that’s even worse than blaming me.”

You shook your head. “No, it’s not.”

His expression turned more puzzled. “How is you resenting me better than you blaming me?”

“Because, blame implies that I think it’s your fault… Resentment just means I’m angry and upset, regardless of whether I think you were right or wrong for what happened.” You felt the bridge of your nose begin to tingle with that telltale sign of tears, so you quickly looked forward and urged them to stay hidden until you were at least in the comfort of your own room. “I’m just resentful of the things I now think and feel about myself, but that isn’t your fault. It’s my issue to deal with.” You shrugged.

“What things do you think and feel about yourself?” He asked, and you could tell that he had hurried his pace and was a little closer behind you now.

You closed your eyes, shaking your head. You didn’t want to talk about this. The two of you hadn’t had an in depth conversation like this since you’d first broken up. But things were different now compared to that first conversation. Back then it was raw and fresh, the pain too intense to notice what was growing underneath. Now it was a scar, and you were left with all of the emotions, feelings, and implications of how and why things ended.

“I… I don’t really wanna talk about it honestly.” You said that, but you also wanted Jungkook to understand that you were perfectly aware of how you had acted the past few years. You may have said and acted in ways that seemed bitchy and ridiculous, but it was because of these disgusting emotions that were now plaguing your mind constantly, and maybe it was time he knew. “I kind of wish we had broken up over this giant fight that was about something unfixable. Something where we both clearly did things wrong and we were both through with each other because there was no way either of us were going to change our minds. I think I could’ve dealt with that so much better than what you actually broke up with me for. Which was just the fact that you thought I was...” You trailed off, the word that bombarded your thoughts mercilessly landing on your tongue. “Boring.”

You heard the way his shoes scratched against the concrete at his screeching halt, and he clearly thought that that was going to stop you as well, but you kept going, not actually wanting to hear any response from him. You said your piece and now maybe he would understand. But of course you knew that he wasn’t just going to let it end like that, which was made apparent when you felt him suddenly gripping your arm, trying to get you to slow down for a second.

“I never said or even thought that about you, Y/N, ever.” He tried to pull you to look at him, but you twisted your body and threw a hand over your face to cover your eyes that were already glistening.

“No, stop,” You said firmly, and he ceased with trying to get you to look at him. “I told myself after that night in my room I was never going to let you see me cry over you ever again, and if I look at you right now, I will. I just know I will, so please just stop.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, leaving just the sound of grasshoppers and the random gust of cars passing by. You thought maybe he would just let it go and you could continue the last few minutes of the walk without speaking, but you had verbalized your thoughts and Jungkook was without a doubt going to respond.

“I know how it’s easy to think that,” He started, his voice a whisper with his hand still wrapped around your arm, as if he was afraid you would bolt down the street without letting him finish if he let you go. “But that’s not why I ended things. You were the first girl I ever actually dated, and when we got here I just started thinking about—”

“—All of your new exciting options.” You cut in, anger flaring before you could stop it.

“Y/N…” He trailed off, squeezing your arm. “That’s not what it was—”

“—No,” You said before he could try and dance his way through some explanation of how he just wanted to go crazy in college without actually saying it out loud. “You don’t have to explain it again. I’d rather you didn’t actually. I remember in excruciating detail the way you explained it that night. I understand, I get it… So, p-please,” Your voice cracked, finally being too overwhelmed by this entire situation. “Let’s just keep walking and not talk about it anymore. Please.”

It turned so quiet I could even hear how hard Jungkook was breathing. It sounded heavy but unnatural, like he was trying to forcibly steady his heartbeat. And after a few seconds you felt him finally drop his hand from your arm and you didn’t wait for him to say a single word before you started down the sidewalk again.

The Tri Delt house was five minutes away, leading to five minutes of complete and utter silence between two people that was so palpable it blocked out the scratching of your shoes as you walked and the rustle of tiny animals running through the trees next to you. It engulfed you in this tunnel of noiselessness.

Eventually you saw the bend at the end of the street where yours and Jungkook’s houses sat next to one another. It was only a little bit away, yet it felt so far. Twenty minutes. All it had taken was twenty minutes of the two of you not partaking in your back and forth hostility from the last few years for you to break down again. It felt pathetic. It was completely pathetic.

You were finally approaching the point where the Tri Delt and Lambda house split into opposite directions. All you had to do was keep walking straight while Jungkook veered to the left and—

You felt the light tug at the belt loop of your jeans, stopping you in place, just like from earlier today after the suspension meeting. You were about to tell him to let you go, when he beat you to the punch.

“You’re not boring, Y/N. You never have been.” He was so close you could feel his breath hitting the back of your head. “It was one of the millions of reasons that I loved you. I just wanted you to know that.”

And then he was gone. The pressure of someone tugging you in place disappearing, leaving you to catch your balance as you finally stood alone. You forced yourself to stare straight ahead as you walked towards your front door, not daring to look at him as he walked to the Lambda house. You shoved your keys inside the lock, forcing it open and then taking the stairs by two’s until you were collapsing in your bed, fingers crushing your pillow as you finally let yourself cry.

——--

A phone was ringing inside of your dreams. It was ringing and ringing and ringing until you realized the sound was coming from some otherworldly place — oh yeah, that would be the current hell that is your life.

You blinked a couple of times, blindly reaching for the source of the noise that was lost somewhere in your bed. You finally felt your hand slide across the leather of your phone case. You brought it up to read the name and you felt your stomach curl.

‘Jungkook the Jackass’ was calling. And if it weren’t for the fact that he was calling you at seven in the morning you probably would’ve just sent him straight to voice mail in order to avoid any further conversations about what transpired last night. But alas, it was seven in the morning and just seemed to be too early of a time for him to be calling about something mundane.

You regretfully lifted the phone to your ear. “Yes?” You grumbled, voice scratchy.

“We have a problem.” No mention of last night. It was just a clear cut declaration that did not sound good.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, sitting up from bed.

“Come outside your house. Now.”

Your eyes widened and you instantly jumped from bed. He sounded urgent enough that you decided your flimsy nighttime apparel was going to have to do. You hurried down the stairs and opened the front door, revealing Jungkook in the front yard staring at something.

“What is it?” You asked, arms crossing over your chest as you tried to hide your bralessness.

Jungkook pressed his lips together as he pointed towards the front of the Tri Delt house. “My idiot Lambda Brothers.”

You followed the direction of his finger, your mouth dropping at the sight before you.

Dozens and dozens and dozens of boxers covering every inch of the first story of the house. You turned towards Jungkook, so angry and anxiety-riddled that someone from administration had already seen this, that you could hardly speak.

“I’m going to murder them,” You finally managed to spit through clenched teeth.

“No,” He started, turning to you, mirroring your own frustration. “I’m going to murder them.”

→ part 02

#bts #jeon jungkook #bts fanfic #bts fanction #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fanfiction #kpop fanfic #bts angst #jungkook angst

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cosmicjoke · 3 years

Text

Okay, so on to chapter 3 of “No Regrets”!

I’ve got a few observations, so I’ll just delve in.

First thing, and once again, I found this a huge improvement over the visual novel, but we get more insight here into the reason Erwin was so intent on recruiting Levi. During the scene in which he’s arguing with the other squad leaders about letting a group of “criminals” into their organization, Erwin pushes back against the other scouts deriding Levi and his friends. I really loved Erwin’s line here, where he says “You’re right. These people had no training. They did not earn wings from us. They grew their own, out of necessity.” This shows us that Erwin has a grasp and an appreciation for the hardship Levi and his friends faced while growing up, while most of the other SC leaders and even regular recruits can only look down on them and see them as gutter trash. This shows Erwin’s own scope of vision, his ability to look past a person’s upbringing and background and not make judgments about them based on that. More telling still is his comment about how “those wings will play a part in revolutionizing this organization.”. He wanted Levi’s skills in particular because he knew having someone like Levi around, with exceptional ability, would shift the way they all fight Titans. He was, as always, looking for ways to increase the effectiveness of the SC, and was willing to do whatever he could, and through any means necessary, to ensure it.

The next thing that caught my attention is the glare Levi and Erwin share during the trio’s introduction to the rest of the soldiers. Erwin’s right in front of Levi, standing there, reminding him of his anger and humiliation no doubt, and I think that leads directly into and impacts the next scene, when Flagon shows them their sleeping arrangements. Levi’s already no doubt irritated by having to see Erwin again, and then Flagon makes his frankly deeply disparaging remark about Levi and his friends having spent their whole lives living in a trash heap, implying that they’re filthy gutter trash, and so surely are incapable of keeping themselves and their environment clean. Levi, understandably, reacts badly to this, and gets in Flagon’s face, asking him what he just said, before Furlan intervenes. When you consider the way Erwin already made Levi feel so humiliated and Levi’s subsequent anger at it, then having to see Erwin again not long before this scene, and hearing Flagon just callously make an accusation like that must have only infuriated Levi more. I think, once again, the manga is doing an infinitely better job of portraying the tension, then, that’s starting to form between Levi and Furlan. Furlan scolds Levi after Flagon leaves, almost talking down to him when he says “Didn’t I tell you not to cause trouble?!”. Almost like he’s talking to some misbehaving little kid. Levi’s expression in the following panel says a lot, I think. Levi looks almost chastised, like he knows he’s upset Furlan, before he tries to explain himself, asking Furlan “Didn’t you hear how he talked about us? Like shit calling shit dirty.”. It’s really interesting what this says about the power dynamic in their relationship. Levi is ostensibly the leader of their group, but Furlan’s acting, in a lot of ways, like he’s the one in charge and he expects Levi to fall in line. Clearly, he’s not afraid of scolding Levi, or challenging him. All of Furlan’s insistence that they lay low and not do anything to draw attention to themselves must only be chaffing though at Levi’s already heated feelings about the kind of treatment they’re receiving, how they’re being talked down to, etc... It must be galling to him, to see Furlan not seeming to care that they’re all being so deeply disrespected. But he still continues to defer to Furlan, and agree to go along with his plan for now, though he makes his displeasure known by calling it a pain in the ass.

But seeing Erwin, and then being treated the way they were by Flagon, seems to have rekindled Levi’s desire to take his revenge, and he reminds Furlan that he’ll continue to go along with his plan, but that he’s still going to kill Erwin. Once again, we see Levi being pulled in two different directions. He’s giving priority to Furlan’s plans and wishes, but he’s still thinking about getting Erwin back. He’s annoyed that they weren’t assigned to Erwin’s squad, probably because it means it’s going to limit their contact, giving him less opportunities to kill him. Another line that I think signifies Lev’s annoyance at Furlan and how, well, dismissive he is of Levi’s own feelings, is after he tells them they have to clean the area around their beds before leaving for training, and in response to Isabel’s protests, he says “You wouldn’t want me to cause trouble, would you?”. He’s throwing Furlan’s words back in his face here, and it seems clear to me that Levi is frustrated and doesn’t appreciate the way Furlan’s been talking to him, or how little consideration for his own wishes he’s shown. There’s a lot of tension there.

Another really important scene is the one in the training yard, so I’ll got through it here.

Particularly when Isabel is talking to the Scout helping her with horse riding, and they get to talking about life in the Underground, and then Levi. What Isabel says, and the visual of the panel here, is particularly powerful. She says “It got so I thought I was gonna die. But life’s a little better since Levi saved me from that.”. And we see in the panel Levi lifting Isabels’ head up, obviously checking if she’s alive. There’s all these people, collapsed around her, and the fact that Levi is checking to see if she’s alive is interesting, because it makes me think this is something Levi would regularly do. That he would check to see if anyone was alive when he came across people collapsed in the streets. It’s probably not unusual to come across dead bodies in the Underground, and for someone like Levi, who’s lived there all his life, he’s no doubt seen plenty. The fact he checks Isabel shows a lack of callousness towards the sight, which is incredible, to not become uncaring or apathetic towards suffering, even when you’re surrounded by it your whole life. It’s a highly unusual quality to have, but of course, it makes perfect sense for Levi, who’s so full of compassion.

Nevertheless, it would have been simpler for him to just keep moving and ignore her, but instead he stopped, and when he discovered she was still alive, he took her in and gave her food and shelter and a home. She would have died otherwise. Levi had no obligation towards her, he had no, really good reason to do something so selfless, and yet, he did. And this truly is remarkable, especially when you consider the kind of cut throat world Levi grew up in, the kind of ruthless people he’d encountered, and even lived with, like Kenny, all his life.

Then there’s Furlan’s discussion with another soldier, and his story about Levi. The most interesting thing Furlan says here is how, after his own friends turned on him, he’s followed Levi ever since. And then he says “Though it might be problematic making him any kind of leader!”. It’s interesting what this reveals to us about Levi. People want to follow him because he’s so strong, but Levi himself has no desire for power, or control over others. People willingly attach themselves to him, because they think Levi can protect them, but Levi isn’t any kind of natural leader. So we know Levi was more or less forced into the role of leader by way of others seeking him out and assigning him that role. What’s interesting about this is how it, once again, reveals the kind of person Levi is. He could easily have rejected all of these people and abandoned them. One thing we know is that Levi didn’t need any help surviving on his own in the Underground. But instead Levi allows them to stay with him and willingly offers his help and protection, and though it’s probably more of a pain and a nuisance to him than anything else. It shows that Levi’s never been able to turn away from those seeking his help.

Which leads nicely into the next scene.

I’ve talked about this scene before, and how disappointed I was that they didn’t include it in the OVA. This also wasn’t included in the visual novel, which is, once more, just another way in which the manga is superior.

Flagon is once again criticizing Levi for holding his blades “wrong”, telling him he’s going to end up getting killed outside the walls. And then the training exercise begins, and we see one of the other soldiers trying to compete with Levi, and growing increasingly incensed and annoyed at Levi’s prowess. He thinks “These vagrants with no knowledge as soldiers...” and then “I trained half to death, and these criminals think they’re better?!”. What’s interesting is to see that while this soldier is fuming internally over Levi’s perceived slight of him, glaring at him angrily, Levi clearly hasn’t even taken notice of him. This isn’t a competition to Levi at all. He’s just there to do the exercises. He’s staring straight ahead, blank faced as always.

Now what happens next is once more hugely revealing as to Levi’s character. The infuriated soldier decides he’s not going to accept that Levi’s better than him, and so he intentionally pushes off of a tree and cuts Levi off mid-flight. What struck me about this is how incredibly dangerous it was. Levi’s going, presumably, full speed, through this obstacle course, and this dude, out of petty jealousy, cuts him off by flying right in front of and past him, forcing Levi to pull back and change direction. A stunt like this could have easily resulted in serious injury for Levi, or even death, if he weren’t as gifted as he is. To top it off, this soldier then brags about it, calling out to Levi “Don’t get left behind!”. Of course, his arrogance leads to immediate disaster, as the soldier that went through the course before lost one of their blades in the dummy Titan, and this dude’s flying towards it at top speed, with no way to stop himself or change direction in time. He’s about to be impaled by a blade. Considering the danger he’s just placed Levi in, then, it truly is a testament to Levi’s goodness, that he launches off the tree he’s stopped on, racing ahead and slicing the stray blade free before the other soldier can make contact, resulting in him harmlessly crashing into the pad, instead of dying. This really shows how Levi’s first instinct is always to help others. Even when others have just not only treated him badly, but even endangered his life. He doesn’t owe this soldier anything, and by all rights should be extremely pissed at him for his petty display before. But instead Levi just automatically reacts to his life being threatened by saving the man. He doesn’t even scold him afterward or express anger, just flies off and continues the course.

What makes this whole thing kind of sad is both the soldier’s and Flagon’s reaction to this. The soldier is still angry and upset over Levi’s superior ability, wondering how he can be so fast, not even sparring a thought of appreciation for him just saving his life. And then Flagon grudgingly admits to Levi’s fighting prowess, but continues to doubt him and his ability to stay disciplined. Even after saving one of his own men’s lives, he still continues to look down on Levi. That’s pretty messed up. Levi glares back at him after, as if to say “Who’s the one who’s going to get people killed out there?”. Levi saved a soldiers life, while Flagon could only sit and watch. It’s interesting too how this, tragically, foreshadows what’s to come though, with Levi not being able to save the people he cares the most about. But we’ll get into that when we get there.

Also, just gotta mention also the way Levi reacts to Isabel’s getting upset after he bonks her in the head and calls her stupid. He looks surprised when she starts crying, and it’s clear he didn’t mean to actually hurt her feelings, and it’s just really sweet, the way he rubs her head after. He obviously felt bad.

Okay, into chapter 4 next!

#attack on titan #No Regrets #Levi Ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #Furlan Church #isabel magnolia #Erwin Smith #snk analysis

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bloodyspade0000 · 3 years

Text

30-day knb challenge: Day 1- Favorite Male character

↳ Haizaki Shougo

I am not justifying Haizaki's behaviour. I think he needs a tall glass of respect woman juice and therapy. This is just meant to explain why he is my favourite character and help you better understand him as a character. Do not send hate or take my words out of context. You will be reported, deleted and cancelled. Thank you and enjoy. :)

My favourite character is Haizaki Shougo *dodges tomatoes* a lot of people in the fandom hate this guy for many reasons. It's kind of funny how many people hate him and the amount of hate he gets just for existing. Like bruh; he's sixteen, leave him alone. 😂

His whole existence is just sad. He was literally created to be hated.

Like straight up, Tadatoshi Fujimaki even admitted that he hated Haizaki. Haizaki's sole purpose of existing is to make the Generation of Miracles look better even though they’re just as problematic as he. No one is fucking perfect and is about time people woke the fuck up and realized it. Your faves are problematic move the fuck on.

Yes, the Miracles are redeemable but so is Haizaki. Yet, unlike the Miracles, he does not get redeemable. No, he disappears and is never seen again. Like bitch, what the fuck!? if you’re gonna introduce a character to only have them disappear for a long time and either have them show up again or just never mention them again. Wasting the potential they had to be a very good character or not having them redeem themselves while the other characters who were just as fucking problematic get a fucking redemption arc because they’re fucking main characters!? What’s the point of that character even existing in the first place? What kind of bullshit is that? Just to have them exist to make the main characters look good? How the fuck does that make sense? Like where is my Haizaki redemption arc? Do I have to write it on my own? I will write it. I am writing one.

Haizaki is the only character I could relate to. Being second best, struggling to find somewhere to fit in and overshadowed and replaced by someone everyone thinks is better than you. It's fucking depressing, okay? You spend your whole life thinking you’re not good enough, and it hurts. I don't feel like going too deep into it because I don't owe you a detailed explanation of my trauma, okay?. So I'll save that for my fics where I self-project half of it onto Haizaki. It’s a coping mechanism, okay? Therapy is fucking expensive.

The anime ruined his whole character, got rid of his whole arc and shorted it down, and made him worse than he really is.

A post explaining how the anime did him dirty and goes more in-depth about his character

I am not trying to justify his actions, i.e. him manhandling Alex and beating Himura up. He does terrible shit. We all do lousy shit sometimes, but that doesn't make us bad people. Making mistakes is a part of being human, and we're supposed to hold people accountable for their actions and help them realize what they’re doing is wrong, allowing them to grow and change. Not condemn them and ostracize them, which leads to isolation and a lot of psychological trauma and self-hatred, and as someone who has dealt with—is still dealing with all three. It is not fun. It makes living painful. Highly unrecommended.

Haizaki does not have a positive role model in his life nor anybody he can turn to, everyone has already given up on him. Even Nijimura and Kuroko didn’t even try to help him, being more focused on the Miracles. (Yes, I know kuroko tried to stop him from throwing his basketball shoes away, but that doesn’t fucking count because after that Kuroko just gave up on Haiazki too). Haizaki has probably grown grew up knowing only violence and not a single ounce of kindness, turning him into the bitter and angry little boy he is.

Haizaki had so much potential. But instead of making him a great villain that potential was WASTED on fucking Kise.

Also, the Kaijo vs Seirin match in the winter cup was completely useless because Kise already got redeemed and he literally got no character development from it.

And Seirin was gonna fucking win anyways because duh thier the main characters. 🙄

Now some headcanons I think about a lot:

1. He gets abused. Some psychological behavioural consequences of child abuse are unhealthy sexual practices and juvenile delinquency, and Haizaki exhibits all three which are some external behaviours of most (NOT ALL) male abuse victims. Haizaki's a womanizer, aggressive, hostile and violent. Yet, he backs down when someone stronger than him comes around and puts him in his place i.e. Aomine and Nijimura.

a factsheet explaining the long term consequences of child abuse and neglect

How to help a friend dealing with family abuse or neglect

How to Handle Abuse

2. He's a victim. And when you're a victim, you either become angry and cynical with everything and everyone around you, swearing never to be a victim again and struggle with gaining back control of your life. Not wanting anyone to see you being vulnerable because being vulnerable makes you weak. Being weak makes you shatter. You always shatter like glass, cutting yourself every time you pick up broken pieces, watching as blood trickles through your fingers.

Your body is constantly on high alert. The default is flight or fight—survival to the fittest.

Or you bite your lip and keep your head down, bottling everything inside and looking for escapes or seeking validation. You want to be wanted and loved because you struggle with loving and accepting yourself. There's always a voice in the back of your head telling you, you're not good enough or that it's your fault. That everything is your fault. Self-hatred and self-doubt are your tormentors.

Or it's a combination between both—a constant struggle.

And I believe Haizaki portrays both from the way he acts and presents himself. Especially since his motto is literally "Survival of the fittest,” and he had once told Kuroko, " there are bad guys and then the really scary people," or something along those lines, which I believe he is talking from experience. You learn from your experiences. They either make you or break you.

3. He's touch-starved.

What Does It Mean to Be Touch Starved?

4. He's bisexual and has a lot of internalized homophobia. I can just feel his internalized homophobia rolling off of him. Bruh, I just know cuz I am bisexual, and I have struggled with internalized homophobia and still sadly struggle with it cuz I grew up surrounded by homophobic people.

I still live with them. 😭

Also, we live in a society that thinks straight is the default.

What internalized homophobia is.

5. His sexual awakening was probably Aomine or Kise. Could be both 😂?

6. He cries himself to sleep every night.

7. He's observant and a great judge of character. It's a fact. This guy literally predicted the downfall of the Miracles. Straight up warned Kuroko too. Too bad Kuroko didn't listen to him.

8. He's hilarious. When he first appeared in the manga, he literally called Himura a loser, lol. XD

9. He's a closeted softie and a total tsundere.

10. doesn't know how to react to kindness and will think you're threatening him or will feel really awkward and uncomfortable but will cover it up with his scowl, or he'll have a breakdown.

11. needs a lot of reassurance and head pats

12. swears a lot. Has no filter.

13. His bother is in the yakuza or some high position of power, and he feels inferior to him. It also explains why Haizaki gets away with things because he would have been kicked out of school if his bother wasn't either-or. I'm talking about his bother being in the yakuza, lol. XD

14. He and Momoi dated for a while but broke up on a mutual understanding that thier relationship just didn't work out. They're best friends and hang out sometimes.

15. Haizaki's good with kids and just genuinely likes them. He would be a great father and try his best to raise his kids right.

16. He gets sick really easily

17. He's clingy

18. He has no friends, mainly because he doesn't want people to get close to him because he's afraid of getting hurt again. Also, everyone in knb hates him.

19. He watches cartoons cuz he was never allowed to watch them when he was a kid. His childhood is trash, okay?

20. He hides in the closet because that's where he feels safe the most—rhetorically and literally.

21. Sleep-deprived and only runs on caffeine and spite.

List of fics that portray Haizaki better than the anime:

Heavy is the head by extrastellar

Idle Hands by DarkWoods

Another Chance by regretting my username_ (777imou_offline367)

What Matters is that We're Together by StrawFairy

06:00:00 of Haizaki Shougo (4) by ReiClien

This Is Happening by SharkGirl

What is Love by voices_in_my_head

A completely uncalled catharsis by oddball

One-shots

intertwined, under a spell by kornevable

ԼƠƔƐ & ӇΛƬƐ by Arthuria_PenDragon

delirium by extrastellar

me with you by doublejoint

Turn My Camera On by wordsliketeeth

At Summer's End by doublejoint

Taste by Hibari1_san

I Can't Get Enough of You by HisDarkSecret

I don't care if it hurts by llowsywriter

Ashes by doublejoint

broken things by lowsywriter

Series:

Finally found each other by suzakukills

This Is Happening Universe by SharkGirl

DNA by flowerway

My WIPS:

Isn’t it lovely?

Broken Crown

Love me, Love me, Love me

Grey skies

Rabbit hole

A playlist of songs that I believe fit Haizaki

Kuroko’s basketball’s manga

In conclusion, You can hate Haizaki as much as you want. But just keep it to yourself. Haizaki is my baby and I will protect him with my life.

#kuroko no basket #knb #haizaki shougo #long post #rant #favorite character #knb 30 day challenge #favourite male character #headcanons #one shots #fanfiction #rec list #manga #tw swearing #tw mentions of abuse

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mynameisnowwyrm · 4 years

Text

Ok disclaimer, I really don’t like ABO but i don’t care if you do and it took me a very long time to articulate my feelings on why. I generally don’t like blanket statements, especially with no further explanation on why, so every time the subject of ABO has come up and my gut reaction is just “no”, I wanted to figure out why and it lead me to do some introspection.

So my exploration into “free things to read online” started with wattpad. I had not gotten into fan fiction yet and wattpad had a bunch of original stories. I also really like werewolves. And if you were on wattpad in the mid 2010s you know about the sheer magnitude of ABO style werewolf stories (haven’t been on wattpad in maybe a year or two, don’t know about their popularity now, though I’m guessing it hasn’t died down). Another thing that wattpad has been historically known for, is bad writing. So my introduction to ABO was extremely repetitive badly written wattpad stories. I’ll detail what I didn’t like about wattpad ABO later, but this basically turned me off werewolves altogether for a while and because wattpad’s tagging system is horrible, I lived in fear that every werewolf story would just be ABO. I have since realized that wattpad is trash and I am never going back.

Things I didn’t like in ABO stories I read on wattpad. To clarify, this is not criticism of ABO as a whole, just my experience with it.

The caste system. Alpha/beta/omega are are literally biological roles you are born into and cannot change. That is terrifying to me because one of my biggest fears is not being able to break away from societal constraints placed upon me. I also want to point out that even in the stories with no women, it still managed to be really sexist because the whole alpha/beta/omega positions are so heavily gendered.

Alphas, or as I like to call them (specifically how they were written in the stories I read): just straight up abusers. The way alphas were characterized was also terrifying because you have this aggressive, emotionally/physically/sexually abusive guy at the very top of the social hierarchy, and then you’re supposed to like him.

Mates. I am aroace, for a long time I didn’t know that but it clearly influenced how I viewed romantic and sexual relationships. The thought of being arbitrarily stuck to anyone because of some predetermined destiny did not sit well with me, as well as all of the character’s own agency being stripped away. In my mind when I was reading that, it was like destiny is fucking you over supremely. There you are living your life, then all of a sudden bam! You are now attached to this shitty person who will treat you shittily and there is literally no upside for you, you no longer have control of your mind and body because destiny has taken over.

The fetishization of the alpha/omega relationships when it comes to mlm pairings, especially in combination with the things mentioned above. The werewolf societies were always aggressively patriarchal, even when it was both men, the roles of alphas were always stereotypically aggressive manly men and the roles of omegas were always meek, weak, shy and needed to be taken care of and protected, with them also usually being described as physically feminine in a way. It’s that thing where people cannot view queer relationships outside of a patriarchal, heterosexual lens that usually leads to questions like “so who’s the man and who’s the woman in the relationship?” Secondly, with the characterization of the alpha as abusive and the characterization of the omega as submissive and having their relationship portrayed as a good one is a very bad message, especially when applied to a queer relationship because it feeds into really homophobic propaganda that queer relationships are inherently abusive.

The “I’m not like other girls” of it all in m/f stories. It’s not a teen oriented wattpad story if the main girl isn’t a totally unique individual who constantly puts down other women for no reason. Why and how that’s bad has been done to death so I’m not going to go into it further. Also again being mated to an abusive asshole because of destiny and having it play out as a good thing is really not a good message to send.

The absolute lack of wlw stories. At this point I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing when it comes to these stories specifically.

I don’t know what the general current ABO landscape looks like and I don’t want to find out, partly because my wattpad experiences scarred me, and partly because even if you stripped away the problematic aspects and write an actually good story like I’m sure many people have, a lot of the things that are built in parts of ABO still make me very uncomfortable. This was definitely not meant as an attack on people who enjoy it, if you do then more power to you, I just wanted to detail my history with the subject matter and how that informs my current position.

#it’s 4:24 in the morning right now this took me almost two hours to type out #ABO #alpha/beta/omega dynamics #omegaverse #wattpad

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witchofrvnswood · 4 years

Note

opinions on evelyn sader?

tw: mentions of r*pe because this character happens to be trash :/

(posting an additional warning in the specific section)

hate her period.

let me explain:

she’s so problematic and for what ?

spying on students really why-

SHE SNITCHED ON LADY LESSO AND PREVENTED HER FROM SEEING ARIC MISS EVELYN YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ARIC BEING ARIC

her obsession with rafal? make it stop?

okay but her whole kill all men agenda in book 2 and extreme feminism was wrong in itself, but doing it just to get the attention of a man (rafal) is just?? HYPOCRISY? what was the reason-

nonetheless she is a very interesting villain especially because of the whole her being jealous of august getting more attention and competing with him for approval from higher power (rafal) i wish we had seen more of these siblings

her role in the camelot years though... no <3 it was intriguing that she had something to do with the conflict and the revelation that she was rhian and japeth’s mother was a show stopper. but in one true king, when it was revealed she went through all that trouble to cause problems for camelot just because she was mad at arthur for not keeping it in his pants is just,,, why? if he had done something that directly hurt her, something she could never get over, i would understand that. but the plot just fell short?

me wishing soman would develop his side characters and villains more like a whole book for evelyn and leonora individually like please they sound like they had such interesting lives

TW: mentions of r*pe

finally, for the main thing that i am DISGUSTED with her for the scene where she hexed arthur into having kids with her? um... why. why is this a children’s book. or why is the cruelty of this not properly explained?

i don’t care if she didn’t actually do it, she fully intended on r*ping him and having his kids, the only thing that stopped her was grisella knocking her out

(and on that note, shouldn’t grisella be held accountable for almost doing the same even if she backed out at the last minute-)

it’s genuinely AWFUL AND HORRIBLE like say what you want about arthur i personally really don’t like him but that was traumatizing and cruel and no one deserves that, and believe me, everyone would curse evelyn if she was a guy doing that to a girl. (not to get too pissy or call people out, but i personally hate when people hype up evelyn or praise her like sure she’s beautiful and her aesthetic is gorgeous but she’s straight up a r*pist)

and imagine being tedros and seeing that almost happen to his father and genuinely believing for a while that that did happen-like remember when he had to leave the room because it made him so sick to learn that, like when agatha got to explaining that part, he stopped her and just left the room crying GOD

it’s so fucked up and if i hated her before acot, i loathe her now that is never okay

never

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la5t-res0rt · 4 years

Note

fun fact fucko no one cares that he’s trans, gnc, or autistic. all they care about is that he said someone wasn’t bisexual all because they hate them. thats fucked up no matter who you are. being austistic isn’t an excuse to be an utter dick hole.

alrighty folks strap in because we are in for a long one today

to start off i will begin by saying that i care about the identities of people i like and call friends i care enough to listen and learn from them because they have different perspectives on issues that i as a person who is none of the things that this person is will ever understand

it is important to listen to people and learn from them not just shine a light out of your ass for someone out of a weird place of blind worship thats honestly so cringey but that isnt what this is about this about you and likely others harassing ad sending death threats my friend and comrade betel bitches

i will now be going under a readmore to spare the dashboard

so lets recap what exactly is he being harassed for

as you all are no doubt aware there is a blog called nether receipts where a certain user we shall not name catalogs instances where members of the beetlejuice fandom are harassed correction its a blog where this person catalogs instances where flaws in their character as well as the characters of the people around her are highlighted and critiqued with the occaisional off color remark and threat which i obviously do not approve of who would

anyway following reading some ill-informed and not-so-well-phrased comments from a certain narcissistic user about their sexuality my friend had this to say

this was the post that got them put on this receipts blog which really exists as a source of people for a certain cluster of the beetlebabe fandom to harass and try to drag or cancel

this is the post that has made people call him biphobic and here is why thats wrong and stupid

you said in your ask that he only is saying that this icky person is not bisexual because there is malice between them and while yes its true that there is malice orion never once said that this person wasnt bisexual

i took the liberty of sifting through the harassment asks he received yesterday because you all love receipts so much i took the liberty of grabbing a few and adding some highlights so you dont miss the important bits

orion never once said this person isnt bisexual he stated that equating doing femme on femme pornography to bisexuality is a biphobic statement and is in fact a problematic thing to say

there may be crossover between bisexual people and people who do femme on femme but they are far from the same thing doing pornography is a choice you actively make and you do it for compensation however being bisexual is simply part of who you are it is something you dont choose

although this person would perhaps disagree

and before you come for me this person posted these for the world to see and obviously i have as many receipts as my drive can carry furthermore how does this argument make sense why would you care so much about heterophobia if youre not heterosexual why are you so pressed oh wait is it perhaps

because this person is using the split attraction model for woke points like this screams that this person sees women as sex objects or perhaps this person is comphet and is denying themselves because heteronormativity is so deeply ingrained in their being that they wish to cling to heterosexuality to keep up their squeaky clean white feminist woman persona or maybe theyre just not well informed on lgbt+ issues

editors note the editor is an ace person who considers using the split attraction model is situations like this isnt exactly helpful like i cant stop you from doing it but you shouldnt have to say im a bisexual heteromantic person you can just be a bisexual woman and keep dating men you dating men doesnt erase your bisexuality saying that you would have sex with a woman but not romantically be involved with them makes the editor think woman = sex object and as a feminist the editor has to say thats fucked up

i will reiterate implying that doing pronography of any kind is equitable to a human sexualty is harmful to bisexual people and if youre like uhhh im bi and i think its okay guess what you do not speak for every single bi person so you should try harder to be compassionate for other peoples level of comfort

in any case statements like these are hurtful to bi people equating voluntary sex work to a sexuality isnt okay and its something that person should maybe address and consider apologizing for but since this person only listens to people in their inner circle and they dont even really listen to them its unlikely that this person will ever make amends for past biphobic tendencies because as everyone has been so quick to point out being bi doesnt excuse biphobia or homophobia or anything of the sort editors note heterophobia is not a legitimate issue im sorry if you feel oppressed for your straightness but really thats a you issue

here is one more screenshot where my friend basically covers what i have just said as well as reminding the world that the owner of nether receipts is a narcissist

being a bisexual person does not excuse you from saying biphobic things and there is literally no identifier you can use for yourself that exempts you from criticism for your actions and it doesnt mean that people cant demand that you address the wrongs youve done or said

you dont have to listen you dont have to do anything but dont be surprised if you say something shitty to a group of people and they get mad at you

also all that being said what orion said was not biphobic if anything he is raephobic but lets be honest who isnt ok there thats my one funny haha for you

we have every right to criticize someone who creates simulated cp and shares it with minors in 18+ servers or someone who equated bisexuality to voluntary sex work or someone who accuses people who disagree with them of being fascists or nazis or someone who goes out of their way to repost and edit art in a mocking manner or someone who actively claims to own a fandom like these are all critique worthy behaviors that all come from the same person who never explains their actions never holds themselves accountable for the shit they cause like we as people who share the same space as this person have every write to call bull roar when we see it

it is no secret that i dislike his person and it is also no secret that i will not hesitate to the the opportunity to drag them for being a shitty person whenever the opportunity arises and since their most recent beef with me was about how i was a bad friend i guess i figured this would be a good time to come forward for one of my friends who received dozens of harassment messages and several death threats over his commentary on the actions of this one vile individual

and i am addressing them now if they ever end up reading this or when it is inevitably sent to this person

if youve got a problem with the way he and i or other antis critique you maybe come out from behind your wall of dipshit cronies and talk to us your damn self i am very sick of having to deal with nasti or morgan or that one minor or suz or that person that runs the rp blog or any of the others in your little hoard im tired of them trying to be slick like we see you we see all of you

all of your simulated cp aside youve said some really shitty things that you could easily amend since youve likely learned more about what it means to be lgbt+ since it is now a community you see yourself being a part of

part of being human is learning from your past and making a better version of yourself for tomorrow and although i think you are a really awful person i dont think youre above self betterment and self reflection and self awareness

also you dont seem to care at all when threats are being tossed around by your buddies but no matter how much me or orion or any of the others dislike what you do no person in their right mind would be okay with sending death threats and you shouldnt either you should at the very least extend that courtesy

anyway

fuck you asker youre full of trash garbage and i hope you have a not so good day like i hope it rains or something invalidate my friends identity and ill yell at clouds

#discourse #harassment #sexuality discourse

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poguegarbage · 4 years

Text

Sweet but Psycho

Summary: How different would the Outer Banks be if JJ Maybank was cast as a girl?...Here is Female!JJ’s backstory in the OBX along with how I would rewrite the scene where they find the gun in the motel with this change.

Pairing: ........Not even gonna lie here, Female!JJ and John B. would 100% happen so here it is.

Warnings: Drinking/Alcohol, Mentions of Drug Use, Mentions of Sex (nothing graphic…just implied!), Mentions of Abuse and Trama, Physical Fighting

Word Count: 5,654

A/N: I don’t know WHAT possessed me to write this. I saw an Instagram post asking what it would be like if JJ was actually a girl in Outer Banks and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Also, tell me this song from the title wouldn’t be perfect for her?! Also, I know Amber Heard is extremely problematic....but her around circa 2011 would make such a good female!JJ

Enjoy!

Grab a cop gun kinda crazy. She's poison but tasty. People say, "Run, don't walk away"

The Outer Banks. Paradise on earth as John B. would call it, along with the other Pogues and many outsiders who came to visit for the summer and then leave. It was a place of adventure, mystery and all around good times. But while on the surface all seemed like a perfect paradise, under the waves of perfection were dangerous rip currents that threatened the carefree nature of the Pogues.

Enter Juliana Jordan Maybank. Better known as JJ to almost everyone who knew her on the island. A Pogue in every sense of the word. She lived on the cut with her alcoholic and drug addicted father. Her mother walked out on the two of them early on in JJ’s life and really all she could remember about her was the fact that she didn’t want to take JJ with her when she left. Her father consistently blamed JJ for her mother leaving which would usually end in yelling that escalated to punches being thrown.

She found refuge though with her friends. They never seemed to question the late night calls, random meet ups at odd hours and the occasional impromptu kegger at the beach. It was the perfect escape when she needed an excuse to get drunk or high and forget the events that happened before.

There was Kiara, the stereotypical islander. If you needed advice on how to save the planet, she was your go to and she could usually be found at parties educating tourists. Her and JJ had been friends for a while despite the fact that she was part Kook. Kie was the person JJ went to when she needed genuine girl time...which was rare. She could recall, though, nights where she would show up to Kie’s house crying and the girl would know exactly what to do to make it better. Some nights it was smoking a blunt and eating raw cookie dough until the early hours of the morning, other nights it was braiding hair on the floor of the bedroom and ranting about boys. Either way, Kiara was always the person JJ found herself going to when she needed help.

Pope was the next Pogue that came to mind when thinking about the group. He was the brains of the operation and was working hard this summer at earning a scholarship of some kind...JJ couldn’t remember what....she could just remember him ranting and raving about it while she helped him deliver groceries to the Kooks on Figure 8. Pope was the one JJ went to when she needed help with her homework....and by that she meant she copied Pope’s homework nearly every time. She was also thankful for Pope’s father because, no matter how much he said he couldn’t stand her, she knew that he was the father figure she lacked in her own. She felt more like an older sister to Pope than a good friend, always protective over him and ready to fist fight anyone who hurt him in any way.

And then, there was John B....John Booker Routledge. The two had been best friends and nearly inseparable since the third grade. It all started at lunch when she stole food from the shaggy haired boy and they got into a full on fist fight in the cafeteria. It turns out when you have to spend the entire day in the principal’s office with someone, you find out you have a lot in common. The two had been best friends ever since. As the years went on, there were of course the rumors that ran through the island about the two of them. They were always denied though. That was JJ’s specialty. She would always use the phrase, “deny, deny, deny” when getting the Pogues out of trouble. That’s exactly what she did every time she was questioned about her relationship with John B. She would deny, deny and deny.

No one had to know about the nights she spent at the Chateau after Big John went missing. No one had to know about the touches that lingered on her skin. No one had to know about the two of them waking up in a tangle of sheets in the early morning hours. No one had to know anything. John B. was there for her when no one else was. She knew that she could show up to his house at any time and be welcomed with a hug and a kiss on the head. She knew that his bed was always there when she needed a place to sleep and his shoulder was always there for her to cry into. She had been with him through thick and thin and both of them were dealing with their own problems right now. John B. was fighting with the DCS to stay on the island and JJ was fighting to even stay alive living in the same house with her father.

The worst was the night that she showed up with a black eye and a bloody nose at the house, a sobbing mess. John B. insisted he pay her father a visit but JJ convinced him otherwise. The night ended in the way she wanted it to, laying in his bed in the Chateau under the covers with his arms wrapped tightly around her. He snored quietly into her neck as she stared out the open window at the stars and played with his hair that was falling in front of his face. She didn’t want moments like this to end but she knew the others couldn’t find out about it.

Then, everything changed the day that Hurricane Agatha hit the island.

The two Pogues woke up the morning after the storm hit, they had surfed the surge of the storm the night before, to assess storm damage. While John B. cleaned up the HMS Pogue and threw stray branches that landed in the boat, JJ stood on the porch and watched. She wore one of John B’s button up shirts that barely hit the tops of her thighs while she sipped one of the beers she found in the kitchen from the night before.

“Agatha did some work, huh?” She called, leaning up against the open screen door from the porch. John B. didn’t look up from his work, throwing branches to the ground from the inside of the boat.

“She sure did...” He mumbled, grunting as he threw one of the larger branches to the side. “I think the storm surge pushed all the crabs out on the marsh maze. All the drum are going to chase the crab.”

“What about the DCS? Wasn’t that today?” She asked, finally putting her drink down and stepping down off the porch. She grabbed a couple of branches herself, throwing them off to the side.

John B. laughed and shook his head, “No, they’re not going to get on the ferry today....Come on, think about it, this is God telling us to fish.” He added, pointing up to the sky. JJ rolled her eyes but she couldn’t argue with him as she walked back inside to get dressed and start the day.

The first stop on the expedition was to pick up Pope from his father’s seafood market. The job wouldn’t be easy but they felt as though they could do it. The trip to town was just as it normally was via the water. John B. drove the HMS Pogue and JJ stood at the front, watching the people passing by on the shore and telling them good morning.

“Hey Miss Amy,” John B. called as he waved to a woman standing on a passing dock with her husband. JJ eyed both of them as they passed.

“Still here,” The woman called from the deck, throwing some garbage into a trash bag from their boat. The two were silent for a bit as they passed the couple when JJ leaned in closer to John B.

“Her husband totally looked at me,” JJ said with a slight smirk on her face.

John B. rolled his eyes, “Yeah, I saw it. Don’t remind me.” He stated, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

As the two came closer to town, the damage from the storm became more noticeable and it was obvious that the clean up would probably take a majority of the summer. JJ smirked again as she saw Pope standing on a nearby dock cleaning garbage like the couple had been doing before. She took a step closer to the edge of the boat, making a whooping siren noise.

“Well, look who we have here.” She said, leaning forward onto the side of the boat with her hands. She moved her hair out of her face, running one of her hands through it to get a better look at Pope.

“We have a safety meeting. Attendance mandatory.” John B. said into a fake intercom and JJ laughed, standing up straight again.

“I can’t. My pop’s got me on lockdown,” Pope said, sounding defeated as he watched his friends pull up in the boat. “Why am I not surprised to see you two together this early in the morning.” Pope added, eyeing the two of his friends who looked at each other and then back to the boy on the dock.

“Come on, Pope.” JJ said, pretending to talk into a radio like John B. had done before her. “Your dad’s a pussy, over.” She said, causing John B. to start laughing which made her start as well.

“Oh, I heard that.” Heyward said in an angry tone as he emerged from further back down the dock.

“We need your son.” John B. chimed in.

“Yeah, don’t you know island rules? The day after a hurricane is a free day.” She added, putting her hands on her hips and shrugging as if it was common knowledge to everyone.

“Who the hell made that up?” Heyward asked.

“Uhm, Pentagon, I think. We have security clearance. I have a card.” She added as John B. pulled up to the dock. The comment created an argument between Pope and his father as he argued that he would do the work tomorrow and Heyward really wasn’t believing a word he was saying.

“Get in the boat,” John B. whispered to him as he came to a stop.

“Make a run for it,” JJ added, stepping over to give room for Pope as he ran and jumped into the boat. “See? How does it feel?” JJ laughed, giving him a hug around the neck before releasing. She put on her sunglasses and found a seat at the front of the boat while Heyward’s protests from the dock began to fade out. The only thing she could really make out from the argument was Heyward yelling, “I don’t like your friends” as they fled quickly in the HMS Pogue.

Next was Kiara who was waiting on the dock as if she knew they were coming and JJ scooted over to give her a place to sit beside her. She carried a cooler and Pope questioned if she was carrying juice boxes to which JJ asked if she was carrying her kind of juice boxes and the friends erupted in laughter. Kie carefully stepped onto the boat and confirmed that she did.

The friends enjoyed their time together on the water, soaking in the sun and getting tipsy from the drinks in the cooler. JJ was once again convinced that she could balance on the front of the Pogue “titanic style” and call it a party trick, even though it failed and she lost her balance every time. This time though she was convinced she could do it.

“John B., are you going to join me? I really need a Jack to my Rose.” She laughed, balancing on the very edge of the front of the boat. Pope was driving and he glanced at Kie who gave him a look about the other two. John B. reluctantly agreed as he made his way to the front of the boat.

“You fall every single time you do this.” He pointed out, placing his hands on her hips as they did their best Titanic impression.

The good time was cut short though as the boat lurched forward and sent the two Pogues flipping and flying into the water. They landed practically on each other before surfacing and letting out some groans of pain.

“Jesus, Pope!” Kiara exclaimed as she fell out of her seat and rolled on the floor of the boat. In the water, John B. quickly swam over to the other Pogue in the water, looking at her with worry.

“You okay, JJ?” He asked, obviously worried that she had been hurt from the fall.

“I really think my heels touched the back of my head.” She groaned before trying to swim back to the boat. John B. agreed and followed her lead.

“Kie? You okay?” He asked, pulling himself back up into the boat and JJ followed.

“I’m alright.” She answered, standing up and brushing herself off.

“Pope, what did you do?!” JJ asked, pulling herself back up into the boat as well and wringing out her long dirty blonde hair that was now soaking wet.

“Sandbar, the channel changed.” He explained.

“Yeah no shit.” She fired back, still wringing out her hair.

Pope peered over the side of the boat, squinting in the morning sun.

“Guys,” He started. “I think there’s a boat down there.”

The others rolled their eyes, not beliving a thing their friend was saying. How could a boat be here? In the middle of this marsh that they traveled almost every single day. It was rarely busy and unusual that a boat would have sank without them knowing it.

“Guys, I’m serious there’s a boat down there.” He says again and they all crowd to the edge to get a look. Sure enough, there was a boat resting at the bottom of the marsh. It was barely visible but the friends dove into the water to get a better look. “You think there’s a dead body down there?” Pope added.

The murky water of the marsh made it hard to see but it was clear that the boat was a Grady White. One of the most expensive boats out there. The friends had no choice but to return to the surface for air after a few seconds.

“You guys saw that, right?!” JJ asked, excitedly as she pushed her hair away from her face and the other’s agreed and laughed at the sight of the Grady White. “That’s a Grady White.” She added, her extensive knowledge of boats shining through. “A new one of those is like...$500,000 easily.”

The four returned to the boat, wringing out their hair and drying off in the hot sun and the summer heat almost immediately as they took their places on the boat.

“That’s the boat I saw when we surfed the surge,” John B. added.

“You guys surfed the surge?” Kiara asked, looking between JJ and John B. in horror at the idea of her friends doing such a thing. “What are you turning into one of those couples that is ready to die together too?”

“We’re not together.” John B. said a little too quickly and defensively. “We just....wanted to surf the surge.”

After protests and arguments from the other two about their relationship, John B. decided to be the one to volunteer to dive in and see if he could find out who the owner of the boat was. JJ told him it was too deep and attempted to talk him out of diving.

“It’s only too deep for the weak and feeble, JJ.” John B. smirked, incredibly close to her face as he said it. Her eyes drifted down to his lips and then their eyes locked again.

“Well...,” She stammered, “I’m not resuscitating you. I’m just...making that clear up front.” She added, the distance between them closing in just a little more.

“Get a room!” Kiara called which caused the two Pogues to snap out of whatever they were doing. To break the awkwardness, JJ decided to push John B. into the water with the anchor as she yelled, “Diver down!”

After what seemed like hours, John B. finally emerged from the water and JJ let out a silent sigh of relief as Kie exclaimed that it took forever. John B. held up his treasure from the boat. A single motel key on a yellow key chain.

“A key?” Pope questioned.

“Yes, a key, Pope.” John B. fired back.

“Great. A $500,000 boat and we salvaged a motel key.” JJ rolled her eyes, helping John B. back into the boat from the water as they made their way back to the island to report the wreck...which didn’t go as planned at all. John B. and JJ had been the ones to venture from the boat and report it but their reports fell upon silent ears and the screams from others about damaged boats.

“Well, that went well.” Pope said sarcastically as the two came back outside. “What’s the plan?”

JJ was leaning up against John B. without thinking about it as she listened, leaning her head against his shoulder.

“I know how we’re going to find the guy who owns that boat.” John B. stated confidently as JJ took the key from his hand.

“We don’t know whose room that is. It could be anyone.” Pope added.

“I’m in.” JJ stated, tossing the key to Kiara.

“I’ll be lookout.” She smiled.

“Hey, at least you’ll only be an accomplice.” John B. shrugged as they walked back to the boat.

The key belonged to a room at the Summer Winds motel. It was a less than ideal location before and now, after the storm, it looked even worse.

“And I thought the Chateau looked bad...” JJ mumbled under her breath, pulling her long hair up into a ponytail in the humidity of the morning.

“This place is a shitshow.” John B. added.

“Motel or meth lab?” Kiara joked, looking at the building.

“You be the judge.” Pope added to the conversation.

“Doesn’t look like the place somebody with a Grady White stays.” John B. pointed out, glancing over and watching JJ pull her hair up into a high ponytail.

“It looks like the type of place somebody with a Grady White would bet killed.” JJ added, staring at the building. “HMS Pogue coming in for a landing.” She added, jumping from the tip of the boat to the wet grass on the shore.

“All right,” John B. let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as JJ tied the boat off on the edge. “Here goes nothing.” He added.

“Hey.” Pope said, eyeing the two Pogues on the land and then letting his gaze fall on John B. “Don’t let her do anyting stupid.” He sighed, pointing to JJ.

“Oh we will.” JJ smirked.

“I’m not making promises.” John B. sighed because he truly didn’t know what would come from this situation.

“Be careful.” Kiara added, her eyes lingering on John B. “I mean it.”

John B. blushed and smiled a bit before agreeing and JJ noticed the interaction, a pain hitting in her stomach at the sight of it. Kiara was beautiful. She knew that. She also knew that John B. could drop her any second that he wanted to and be with Kiara which made her jealous and angry as the two walked to the motel. She gave him a questioning look as he jumped from the boat to the land and grabbed her arm gently.

“Come on, let’s go.” John B. said quietly, jogging to the parking lot. “Why are all of these mattresses out here?” He asked as they walked.

JJ tried to not like her jealousy show through but she couldn’t shake the image of John B. and Kiara out of her head. Was this something that he thought about frequently? Why did he blush like that at her touch?

“Hello? JJ?” John B. asked and it brought the Pogue back to reality and out of her thoughts.

“What?” She asked, shaking her head as if to come back to the conversation.

“I said, why are all these mattresses out here?” John B. repeated.

“Oh, after a hurricane they ditch them beacuse they’re moldy.” JJ explained with a shrug, looking at the key in John B’s hand as he twirled it. The duo climbed the stairs and began walking down the hall when JJ couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“What the fuck was that about down there with Kiara?” She asked, glancing down at her feet and then over to John B.

John B. rolled his eyes and looked away before laughing, “I knew you were going to over think that shit.”

“So you admit that there was something going on?” JJ asked, stopping for a moment to look at the boy as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“JJ, you’re overthinking things. She was just being nice...Kie is one of my best friends.” John B. sighed.

“Oh really?” JJ frowned, grabbing John B’s shoulders and rubbing them gently and seductively. “Just be so careful, John.” She mocked in a voice that was thick and sultry.

“God, you’re so weirded out about me and Kiara. JJ, nothing is going on there.” John B. frowned, pushing her hands away from his shoulders.

“Then what the hell was that about?” She asked, her voice filling with anger now more than anything.

“I don’t know, maybe she wants us to be careful!” He frowned, finally turning around to look at the blonde standing behind him while they walked. Their eyes locked and silence fell between the two of them for a moment before JJ rolled her eyes yet again.

“Since she heard you’re being threatened with exile, she’s just been, like..,” JJ trailed off, putting on her mocking voice again and rubbing his shoulders seductively. “Oh, be so careful, John B. Just give me the John D. already.”

“Juliana!” John B. quickly turned around and she was shocked at the use of her actual first name instead of the nickname that usually escaped his lips. “You know the rules, no Pogue-on-Pogue macking.”

“Oh really,” JJ laughed and rolled her eyes. “You really are going to throw that rule in my face when you’re explaining this to me? As if we didn’t just break it about 12 hours ago for the millionth time at your house.” She said. “You don’t care about that dumbass macking rule so tell me the truth.”

“I could ask them same thing about you and Pope,” He defended. “He’s the one who’s always hitting on you and I never say anything about it. You’re always over at his house and you never tell me why.”

JJ knew that a fight was about to break out between the two right here at this motel and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

“Who cares? This isn’t about me and Pope. Anyway, Pope is like a little brother to me so if you really think something is going on there then....” She trails off, stopping at the door the key belonged to.

“You need help,” John B. mumbled, shaking his head and looking at the locked door in front of the two. “Not like a little bit of help but like a lot of help.”

And that was all it took to send the blonde over the edge. She bit her lip gently, shoving him against the outdoor wall of the hotel and looking deep into his eyes. Her forearm was against his chest. John B. would be lying if he said he wasn’t thinking about turning around and doing the same to her right here and not care who saw.

“I’m sick and tired of every girl who has a heartbeat coming around you and you’re just like....,” She trails off, her eyes moving from his down to his lips and then back up to his eyes. “Ugh...” She scoffed, removing her arm from his chest and pushing him slightly into the wall.

“I could say the same thing about you,” John B. frowned, stepping closer to the girl in front of him until she was leaning against the leaning against the iron railing of the motel. “Every guy that comes around you’re just like....You’re just ready to give him whatever he wants. Daddy issues to the extreme.”

“Fuck you, John B.” She spat back at him and shoved him slightly once again. “Fuck. You.”

“Just...Come on, this is us. Twenty-nine.” John B. sighed and JJ was standing slightly behind him with her arms crossed over her chest. “This is it.”

John B. knocked quietly on the door a couple of times, waiting for a response that didn’t come and he knocked again. JJ rolled her eyes.

“You have to be way more aggressive than that if you wand a response,” She said, shoving the boy out of the way gently and beating on the door multiple times. “Housekeeping!” She yelled in a booming and deep voice that came from deep within.

“Yes, please draw more attention to us than is needed.” John B. said, cautiously looking around to make sure no one heard the commotion that was going on. “Should we try to just open it?” He asked as JJ peered in the window beside the door and she nodded in response.

“There’s no power or security cameras. No one is going to know.” She added as John B popped the door open.

He shined the flashlight inside and the two looked around. No blood, no evidence of a murder...it was a good start already. It was a typical looking motel room. Two double beds against the wall, an outdated television against the other and god awful art hanging on the empty spaces. A large black duffel bag sat on one of the beds.

“Check the bag. See if there’s a name on there somewhere.” John B. said, shining the light on it before he closed the door and began searching.

“Here’s a jacket,” JJ noted. “No name on it though.” She added, slipping the jacket over her shoulders and trying it on for size. It was way to big on her but that wouldn’t stop her from taking it.

“Well, he’s definitely over 50. He’s got New Balances.” John B. sighed.

“Maybe this is where they were fishing,” JJ suggested, looking at a stray piece of paper that was laying on the beside table.

“No, that’s off the continental shelf. No one fishes there.” John B. shook his head and the two continued to search the motel room for anything that might lead to an explanation for who owned the boat.

“Would it be frowned upon if I stole this bag in here in the bathroom? I mean, I’m really running low on toothpaste.” She said, rummaging through the things on the bathroom counter before putting some in her pocket.

“We’re not stealing shit.” John B. protested and began to try random number combinations for the in room safe. Maybe there was a clue in there.

While JJ and John B. were searching for the owner of the Grady White, their lookout team of Kiara and Pope were outside in the HMS Pogue as the Kildare County Sheriff truck pulled up. With no way to warn their friends, the two panicked. The towers were down from the storm and there was no way to call. There was also no way to get to the room, warn them and get out before the police showed up beating on the door. Pope tried to reassure Kiara that the cops weren’t going up there but she knew better as they were talking and pointing to the room on the corner.

John B. was still hard at work trying to open the safe and JJ breathing down his neck was helping nothing. She shed the jacket, laying it on the bed to take with her when they left.

“Punching shit at random. That will definitely work.” She rolled her eyes.

“Do you have a better idea?” John B. frowned and turned to look at the blonde. After remembering the random numbers written on a piece of paper beside the bed and trying them, the safe popped open and revealed a large sum of cash inside as well as a gun. “Holy shit...,” John B. mumbled, looking inside at the contents. “JJ.” He added, trying to get her attention and stop her random ramblings from behind him. “You’re going to want to see this.”

Her eyes widened at the contents of the safe and she quickly grabbed for the gun that was laying on a stack of cash.

“You grabbed the gun?!” John B. scolded as he watched the girl look the weapon over. In JJ’s mind, this was her chance. This was her once chance at having something that would protect her from the fights that happened at home and while she hoped she never really had to use it, she would feel untouchable by owning it. Her dad wouldn’t stand a chance if she pulled something like this out on him during one of their nightly arguments that usually turned physical. “Put the gun back, JJ!” John B. whisper yelled urgently, trying to grab it from the girl’s hand as she laughed. She held the gun up, making fake shooting noises and John B. frantically tried to take the weapon from her while still looking at the door. “Put the gun back. We are not stealing anything.” He said through clenched teeth as she shined the light on his face.

“Just, just take a picture of me. Come on, you have to admit I look like a badass holding this.” She said, taking her hair down from the ponytail and flipping it over her shoulder while posing with the gun. “I look just like I belong in Charlie’s Angel’s.”

“Yes, let’s create our own incriminating evidence. JJ, I’m not asking you again. Put the fucking gun down.” John B. said urgently, still trying to take it from her hands.

The argument was cut short by a rock hitting the window in which their lookouts warned them of the cops coming up to the room just as they knocked on the door. JJ scrambled, grabbing the gun and a handful of cash and shoving as much as she could in the pockets of her denim shorts. The two managed to flee out the window just in time for the cops to open the door as they stood as still as statues on either side of the window. They exchanged glances as they listened for the coast to be clear. They could hear their friends talking on the boat behind them and Kiara urging the two to come down. She once again reminded John B. to be careful and JJ shot him a look.

“Not. Now.” He said through clenched teeth as he looked at the girl standing opposite of him outside the window.

“Be so careful, John B.” JJ whispered in the mocking tone again which caused John B. to tell her to shut up and he attempted to swat at her arm to get her to be quiet. In a matter of seconds though, as he hit her arm, the gun fell from her pocket. The metal of the gun and the metal of the overhang they were standing on made a loud clanging noise and everyone held their breath. John B. closed his eyes tightly, mumbling every curse word he could think of under his breath. As the blinds on the window flew open, he held his finger to his lips and signaled for her to stay silent no matter what. When the police left, they both let out a sigh of relief as they climbed down and back on the boat.

“Well, that was fun.” JJ said and the others groaned in disbelief at the comment. “Really though you could have warned us a little sooner.”

“The cops took everything like it was a crime scene.” John B. sighed, leaning up against the seat while he drove the boat through the marsh.

“Did you guys find anything?” Pope asked, expecting the answer to be no.

JJ smirked, “Did we find anything?” She asked, pulling the gun and the load of cash from her back pockets. “Oh yeah, we did.”

“What the hell?!” Pope jumped up quickly from his seat and Kiara watched in half horror, half amazement. “Why would you take that from a crime scene?!”

“It’s better than the cops having it.” JJ defended and John B. laughed at Pope’s near breakdown. JJ tried to reassure him that it would all be okay. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders, holding the gun up and admiring it. John B. caught himself staring at her arm around his shoulders and he quickly looked away. He was no better than her if he started speculating that anything was happening between the two of them. They were just close friends...at least, John B. hoped. He would be lying though if he said he didn’t think about being with Kie once or twice. JJ didn’t have to know that though. She also didn’t have to know that the two shared a kiss once or twice. Both times they were too drunk to care and JJ was off somewhere, probably hooking up with some tourist at their expensive vacation home. John B. looked at JJ and then away at the water once again.

“I’m actually living the nightmare...” Pope mumbled, slumping back down in his seat and away from the touch as JJ laughed and found a spot between John B and Kiara...intentionally.

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