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pekoeboo · 10 months ago

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SORRY I have two OC blorbos to share and this got REALLY LONG but I hope!! that's ok!!!

my boy Khalan Al-Shariq!!!! he's a kind, quiet, and deeply empathetic guy cursed with both bad luck and immortality that does his best to take care of a little chaotic fairy princess (my friend @cookieg122's character Aya) - who he met after getting isekai'd into a different world that's loosely based on our Minecraft adventures lol.

his own personal character journey revolves around him learning how to eventually confront his own inner demons and trauma that stemmed from losing his abusive dad right before he was thrown into the other world. he starts out very meek and timid, afraid of the world around him and refusing to defend himself, but over time Aya teaches him how to fight back and take more agency over his life :'0

Khalan is also incredibly strong, even though he doesn't think so. physically, he can take a lot of abuse before it fully knocks him down, and he uses that as a way to protect Aya on their adventures ;o; mentally, he's gone through a lot and has struggled with the thought of giving up before, but meeting Aya is what gave him a new purpose in life after losing his dad. she's what keeps him going despite everything;; he's got a lot of self-doubt and struggles to see himself as someone worthy of love, but between both Aya and my other OC, Antony, they end up forming a small family of their own and Khalan is able to get the love that he desperately deserves ;A;

and here's Antony Papadopoulos - the son of a High Cleric and (supposed to be) future leader of his village! an unfortunate series of events brought him into Khalan and Aya's story and changed his life trajectory though, and instead of becoming the village leader, he uh.. . ends up reincarnating into an angelic demigod (it's a long story that I've never fully explained lol). he's a young cleric-in-training who specializes in potion-making and medical care, but also the art of divine purification ;o;

he's such a good kid, though;; he cares a lot about the people around him and only ever wants to help and heal people;;; he's got his own slew of trauma that he's gotta deal with as well, causing him to be rather emotionally-driven and impatient at times, but he uses some of what he's gone through to propel him into helping Khalan and Aya out in a difficult situation they found themselves in (they almost lose Khalan because of some terrible illness and a demon's meddling; it's a whole thing). Antony ends up being a sort of 'mediator' character in the group - utilizing his leadership skills in order to help Khalan and Aya with their communication issues and bring them all closer together ;o;

he and Khalan are only a year apart (Antony is 17, Khalan is 18), so they eventually see each other as brothers as time goes on :'0 Antony also takes on a big brother role for Aya as well, which is just so precious and special to me I love found family;;

anyway yeah!!!! those are my blorbos (including my friend's OC kfhgjskdfg) I care about them SO much and I apologize that this got long but I really tried to condense as much about them as I could in just a few short paragraphs xDD

(most of the content I have of this story is under the tag #Home Is Where You Are, in case anyone wants to learn more btw :'0)

OC PROPAGANDA!!! I WANT OC PROPAGANDA RIGHT NOW! Everyone show me the oc blorbo!!! I gotta know everyone's OCS tell me why you're spinning them around in your head!!! I want propaganda!!!

Please and thank you 🙏

#long post #reblog #masterfuldoodler #oc #khalan al shariq #antony papadopoulos #aya armas #cookieg122 #minecraft #home is where you are #hiwya #original stuff #clearly i just really love sweet and kind characters #both antony and khalan fall into that category #but it's ok because they balance out aya's chaos haha #khsfkdjg aNYWAY YEAH #i could scream about these babies all day but i gotta stop at some point lol

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sailormoonsub · 4 years ago

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So you've watched a lot of different shows through the patreon and kori donations

If it's not too time consuming I was wondering how you would summarize those shows in a sentence or two

Or maybe just do the most memorable ones?

Not a bad idea! Here’s a one-sentence summary and a one-sentence personal note on every show I’ve reviewed more than one episode of on this blog. TLDR I’ve pretty much enjoyed everything that appears on this blog, though for different reasons. Links to all my posts about these shows can be found here!

This is turning out to be a rather long post so I’m going to throw the list under a Read More.

ANIME

Sailor Moon: I feel compelled to list it here but, like, I think you know enough about Sailor Moon by now.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun: Group of high schoolers write and draw a romance manga while simultaneously living the most chaotic reversal of common romance tropes. SO happy this was recommended to me because I never would have picked it up on my own but it’s officially a new favorite!!!

The Case Files of Jeweler Richard: Gem expert and his assistant solve rock-related mysteries while engaging in homoromantic behavior. A lesser known franchise that I think deserves more love!

Snow White with the Red Hair: Herbologist in a medieval fantasy environment escapes her oppressive government and starts a new life in a neighboring kingdom where SHE makes decisions about her life. I’m not even that far into the series but I am OBSESSED with the premise and all the character dynamics are so genuine and honest in a way I can’t describe.

Penguindrum: Himari dies of Glamorous Victorian Illness but is resurrected by the Penguin God in exchange for a favor. I’ve enjoyed what I’ve seen so far, although it is Ikuhara so it’s often confusing and abstract and all the characters need therapy.

Madoka: Being a magical girl is bad actually due to the amount of sacrifice involved. Reviewing this one is so effortless because there’s SO much material to talk about and it has such a well-established presence in the mainstream pop cultural consciousness.

My Next Life as a Villainess: Girl is reincarnated as the villain in an otome game and rewrites the script by being nice. I’ve compared it to the Good Place which is one of my favorite shows, and I cannot get enough of these characters, especially, of course, our angel queen, Catarina.

Cardcaptor Sakura (and Clear Card): Sakura has to capture all the cards. I LOVE the low stakes, slow pace, sweet and friendly vibe of this show, which might frustrate some people, but for me it’s the very definition of a comfort anime.

Zenonzard: Speaking of cards; apparently a witch created a card game to get revenge on humanity and now it’s the future where everything is neon, there’s humanoid robots all over the place, and card games are a gladiatorial sport. The visuals are amazing, the world is fascinating, and overall I’m impressed with an anime that’s based on an app.

Princess Tutu: Duck turns into a ballerina and uses unconditional kindness to save everyone from sad feelings, while ALSO working against the author who is writing her fairytale. I can’t describe how much an impact this show left on me!! A Big Fave!!

Revolutionary Girl Utena: High schoolers with swords fight each other for a shot at finding something eternal. If you read this blog, you already know I had a delightful time with this series.

Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!: Three girls use their skills to make a hand-drawn anime. I only reviewed the first two episodes, but I had watched it while it was airing. I love series that delve really deep into a niche subject, and this one tackles the animation process in a fun accessible way while ALSO having a wonderful trio of protagonists with wildly unique personalities.

Fruits Basket 2019: Professional Cinnamon Roll Tohru collects friends who can turn into the zodiac animals. From what I’ve seen, the characters and relationships are a huge strong point in this series. I want to give them all a hug. This fell by the wayside a little while ago but I would love to get back into it!

CARTOON

Gargoyles: They are gargoyles, who come to life at night. Never got into it as a kid, but certainly appreciate it now!

Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts: Girl from futuristic underground city arrives on the surface to find out that animals have taken over and have developed arts and culture. It’s so refreshing to see a post apocalyptic world that’s NOT a dystopia! It’s not earth as we know it, but it’s still bright and colorful and full of art.

LIVE ACTION

PGSM: I don’t think I need to list a summary, but WATCH PGSM OH MY GOD. Sailor Moon but with soap opera levels of drama, a killer soundtrack, an incredible cast, puppets, and a really cool reimagining of the Silver Millennium mythos.

Tokusatsu Gagaga: Office lady tries to hide her obsession with tokusatsu shows and makes friends who have similar interests. I fell fast and hard for Gagaga; if you’re a nerd who has tried to function in a non-nerd environment, you WILL relate to this 7-part series!!

Russian Doll: Natasha Lyonne relives the same day over and over and has to make connections in her life. First introduced to me when it won a Patreon vote, and even though it was different from my usual content, I was enraptured by the dark comedy and surreal vibe. Thursday, what a concept.

Good Omens: An angel and a demon low-key turn their backs on Satan and God in order to prevent a war between heaven and hell. I can’t even think of an adjective that’s good enough to describe how well this miniseries was translated from the book. Legendary casting, satisfying plot twists, hilarious commentary on religion.

Cutie Honey The Live: Robot girl fights off an organization that turns people into living weapons through various wacky schemes. Over-the-top in all senses of the phrase. I love a show that’s extremely silly, but takes itself seriously.

Gokushufudo: Former yakuza member becomes a househusband. Only just started this series but man, with a premise like that, how can you NOT fall in love.

#And this isn't even a list of my favorite shows that i HAVENT reviewed #i've been writing one sentence book reviews on goodreads and now i'm very into that method lol #from the ask box #Anonymous

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greylunar · 5 years ago

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PLEASE do in depth analyses of all of the houses for your quiz I was enraptured reading the gryffindor one and I didn’t even get gryffindor

JUST FOR YOU ANON, I am going to compile the sort of Final Breakdown of every house, in my opinion, that you get at the end of the quiz now. Theres more in-depth analysis of specific questions under each house’s tag on my blog, and you can feel free to ask more specifics of course bUT here is the masterpost of that c:

A Hufflepuff is, unlike a Ravenclaw or a Gryffindor, an internal house. I know what you must be thinking, “how can you be the house of loyalty if you’re an internal house?” Puffs have a small network, Their People, maybe friends, maybe family, maybe friends who are family, maybe an assortment of small pets or animated characters. While Slytherins also have Their People, they have resources and associates to draw from when their bored, whereas the term associates exhausts a Hufflepuff. Spending time with people they don’t love doesn’t ever sit quite right, although they will often do it in an attempt to make folks happy. Hufflepuffs yes, are a house of kindness and of love, but unlike Gryffindors when it comes down to it they don’t have to go out of their way for kindness and love. Gryffindors will seek out situations in which they can do good. Hufflepuffs good is smaller (not lesser) in which they will do as much good as they can for the people directly in their line of sight, but when granted with the great expanse of the world it is easy for them to shrink in on themselves and not be able to cope. That said, they have so much love to give out, and will often want all their love in one place, slightly selfish but mostly excited collectors of people. If your version of the ideal future is a vague image of all the people you love in your house for [insert holiday] that is a very Hufflepuff sentiment. Hufflepuffs, like Gryffindors, are inherent/intrinsic worth folks. Hufflepuffs know who they are, or at least how they define themselves. Their moral code may not be their local government’s law (and actually very often isn’t), but it does exist and is rigid, and puffs won’t go against it unless incredibly pressed. This is a point of contention with Slytherins and Ravenclaws, and even Gryffindors who feel like they have to perform/validate their identity and choices through others. Hufflepuffs are themselves, and no one else, completely and quietly. They love their People. They want to build a home for them. That isn’t to say that puffs are necessarily gentle pushovers. A huge component of Punk and Anti-fascists align themselves with Puffs because they are So themselves and So invested in the safety and well-being of their people and community. Like slytherins, hufflepuffs often know/feel they’re weird, and tend to relish in finding people as absurd and lovely as they are. They will forgive people, possibly too much. But quietly, they will shift the little orbit of the world around themselves to be a little kinder, a little gentler, for them and the people they love. Be kind to yourself. You do not have to be any bigger than you are.

Slytherins are linked to identity, changing themselves to meet their needs and the wants of the world around them. They have specific people that are Theirs, and their circle of Actual Trust may be rather small, even if their friend/associates/resources group is a wide network. Slytherins are tied to wanting, craving, and not necessarily in a bad way or in a way that’s “ambition”. Slytherins are a house made up of people who want something or someone or some goal desperately or are made up of a myriad of little wants, but also struggle with the idea of worth and whether or not they have done enough to deserve the things they want. Sometimes, these wants are secret. Slytherins are often caught up in this wanting and this worth, and cannot see that they are already loved, completely and wholly, for who they are. When you care for someone you care for them with all of you, you are inherently a protective house like hufflepuffs for those that you care about most, and for all your wanting so so so many of you are beautiful creators (the worlds and story ideas slytherins have just roaming around in their brains?? amazing!). My advice to slytherins, if I can give some without being asked hahaha oops, is to recognize that for all the shapeshifting of the self you do, you can be exactly who you want to be, if you just give yourself permission. Who would you be in a dark room without any mirrors? How would you dance? How would you dress, for just yourself? Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to change your life tomorrow. It just means, sometimes, starting in little ways, take back a little bit of ground from the world. “This part is me. This part is mine. You aren’t allowed to have it.” It can be quiet. But you are worth so much, and you are yours. You are just as much of a person as anyone else, and have already earned love, because you never had to earn it in the first place.

Gryffindors believe in innate worth, innate characteristics, sort of your personality is that way because That Is Who You Are. Similar to hufflepuffs in this way, anti-slytherin experience haha. Gryffindors, unlike Hufflepuffs, are an external versus internal change maker. Because of this, they are often more broadly idealistic than hufflepuffs (think range, although they both hold their core values very deeply, hufflepuffs are on a smaller more condensed scale whereas gryffs will spread themselves thinner. Puffs do not have to change the world, rather they create a Home in which to put their world into, whereas a lot of Gryffindors struggle with feeling that they aren’t doing Enough, not Enough good, not Enough love. That the failures of the world are in part because they haven’t done enough to help personally). Gryffindors are very solid with their identity. While slytherins/ravenclaws will see their body/their reflection in a mirror, a scientific fact of life or something they wish they could/can change and shape, Gryffindors (with some exceptions for gender, trauma, and mental illness) tend to be confused that there are answers other than “I see myself in the mirror.” However, Gryffs can be performative, because while they see themselves, they need to be told that they are going in the right direction, they need to be loved, they need to help. Gryffindors will lose themselves a bit in an empty room, in isolation, moreso than hufflepuffs or ravenclaws. They create and change the world around them FOR the world around them, and so the world can look at them and say “okay, you did it, its okay now.” In this way, they are closest to slytherins, seeking validation, seeking a legacy, even though they may not even do it/realize its for themselves. They do good, or they try to, based on how they have defined it for themselves. They will care for you with all of them, if you earn it. They will hold you. But the voice in their head says “am I sure that this is what good looks like. Am I sure that this is enough.” From your friendly neighborhood Hufflepuff, sometimes doing what you need to take care and save yourself is the best thing for the world. Maybe cook something, have a lil dance party. You are an important part of the world. Start small, and love that part the most. You can add on from there c:

Ravenclaws shape the world around them, and create, in order to create a world that better suits themselves and their goals, rather than Slytherins who shape and create/recreate themselves to suit the world, meaning they are an external house, creating and impacting in the world around them rather than in themselves. Unlike Gryffindors, the other external house, Ravenclaws do not feel as much pressure to be seen in a sort of grand legacy or entirely shape the world around them. They give and seek knowledge and creation because, in a very basic sense, they feel like they need to. In a way I’ve said it “I could not write poetry for 30 years and that wouldn’t mean I’m not a poet. I am a poet. That does not change.” But Ravenclaws will get restless if they don’t create if they don’t learn. Their legacy doesn’t mean that the whole world will remember them forever. Its that they will create/make/do something that will matter to even one person enough that they will be remembered. A lot of Ravenclaws feel tied to their Ravenclaw identity because they don’t quite know who they’d be if they weren’t the ‘intelligent one’ if you will. But Ravenclaws sometimes forget that they create beauty every day, learn things new and small every day, without even meaning to. Ravenclaws believe identity is created/forged/remade constantly as information is gathered, and often try to seem neutral, scared of sharing an opinion unless they’ve thought it through completely and are certain they should stand by it. Ravenclaws are often searching, looking for something bigger than them, as almost to prove they are small in comparison. Sometimes the best thing a Ravenclaw can do is realize that all those wonderful books and poems and pieces of art that make you dream of a fantasy world were made in this world. This place, so full of love, that gave them to you in order for you to love it back. A lot of ‘gifted kids’ put themselves in Ravenclaw, without realizing that it was the rest of the world that put them in Ravenclaw, and not something that they chose. If that’s the case, maybe now is the time to ask yourself who is it you want to be? The self is a construct loves, and a uquiz doesn’t define you. You define you. You’re so good at creating Ravenclaw friends. Create you. You’re already magnificent. You’re already worth it. Now its time to look at yourself and give some love to that self, to ask it what it wants to be. You are, more than anything else, your greatest masterpiece.

#tal asks #anons #quiz related content #hp lore #hp lore masterpost #ravenclaw #gryffindor #hufflepuff #slytherin

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johannstutt413 · 4 years ago

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TOURNAMENT ARC 2: PHANTOM VS PROJEKT RED

“Alright, let’s see...Looks like we’ve got a fight tomorrow, Jessie!” The Doctor unfurled a piece of paper from the machine. “First round for Specialists, it looks like; Phantom vs Red. It’s been awhile since Phantom stopped by the office, hasn’t it?”

“...Phantom?” The Feline shrugged; she’d seen records of that Operator before, but never actually encountered them herself.

He sighed. “Right, stealth specialist with mnemonic Arts. Regardless, it’ll be interesting to see what happens, especially since Red- actually, I haven’t seen her recently either. She hasn’t been on a mission, has she?”

“I don’t think so?” Jessica flipped open a tab and scrolled through some of her notes. “No, but she has been on leave for awhile.”

“Really? What kind of leave was it, again? I think you approved that one.”

At that exact moment, Projekt Red walked into the office with a baby in her arms. “Maternity leave.” [not exactly the same universe but hush it’s fine]

“Awww!” The two immediately approached. “What’s their name?”

“Scarlet SilverAsh. I don’t think I can be in the tournament for a while, Doctor; we haven’t moved her to formula yet.” Scarlet fussed a little, which the Lupo solved by licking her forehead.

The Doctor nodded. “That’s alright, Red; I think I know the person to take your spot. Let us know when you’re ready to fight and we’ll put you in the rotation.”

“Thank you, Doctor. I’ll be watching today’s match from home. You can both come over, if you want; Encio’s making burgers.” She watched both of them blink several times. “What?”

“He can cook?” Jessica asked.

She nodded. “There’s nothing he can’t do. I need to feed her soon. Let us know if you want to come over.”

“Will do!” Once she’d left, the Feline smiled to herself. “I’m looking forward to that someday.”

“Having a kid with me?”

Jessie set her head on his shoulder. “Yeah...We should call Waai Fu now, before too much press goes out.”

“Good plan.”

TOURNAMENT ARC 2: PHANTOM VS PROJEKT RED WAAI FU

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, Operators, Staff, and Esteemed Guests! Welcome one and all to the Top Operator Tourney!!! *crowd cheers*

“Thanks, Hung! Hiiiii everyone! It’s your lovable idol and Penguin Logistics delivery girl Sora here, filling in for Click on account of some rather inflammatory commentary she gave during the last one. Joining me in the booth, filling in for FEater after she punched the person who told them that, is Croissant!”

“That’s right, Sora, and I ain’t goin’ any’re! Now earlya Baws ‘nounced we had a lil’ bituva skejul shift, but looks like we still ‘ave a real good’un on our ‘ands. On the north side, wi’ 14 years of fightin’ ‘sperience, she’s student by day and brawla’ by nite, WAAAAAAAI FUUUUUUUU!” *cheers* “Ye, dat’s wut I wanna hear! Annnnd on the south side- hey, where’d they go?” *confused crowd noises* “Uh...Now I ain’t gonna lie, I never did meet dis Phantom guy? We sure he works ‘ere?”

“I mean, Medical had enough data to evaluate with, so I guess he does? Aaaanyway, looking at the numbers, it looks like Waai Fu has more combat experience and raw strength, but Phantom’s faster and trickier to deal with, so hopefully he shows up long enough for us to watch him work!”

“Ye, let’s ‘ope so! Baws itn’t at the podium today, but Amiya’s down there doin’ the hands, so let’s ‘ear it! 3! 2! 1! LET’S RUUUUUUUUUUUMBLLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!”

--------

Down on the ground, as the commentators blathered away, psyching the crowd up, Phantom watched his target from the shadows, blades ready but simply observing. His opponent, an orange Feline he’d never seen before, likewise watched, patient. This wasn’t his usual style...but if it was a show they wanted, then he’d give them a show.

“So you are my opponent.” He took a step forward. “Shall we dance our dance for the masses?”

“The Phantom, in the flesh...I expected to face you later in the bracket, but this works, too.”

His eyes narrowed. “You recognize me?”

“I’ve spent my life clearing the street of scum like you, who skulk in the shadows and take others’ lives for your sick games.” She took a defensive stance. “Your ring of thieves deserved its fate-”

“Do not speak ill of the dead, lest you join them sooner than you expect.” A step backward, and he’d vanished.

Two Phantoms emerged from her shadow, blades drawn to strike as they flanked her, only to find she was ready for both attacks; Waai Fu evaded their swords as knocked both Phantom and his mirror image to the ground. “Repent while you still have time.”

And then everything was a blur.

-------

“It’s like it started out of nowhere! They stared each other down forever, and then BAM! Also, why are there two of him?!”

“I ‘unno, darlin’, but I ‘ope Junior ain’t watch’n this! They’re go’n at it ‘arder ‘n an’thin rite now! I can’t even count ‘ow many blows they’re tradin’, but not a single drop of blood on the ground yet!”

“You can tell Waai Fu’s struggling, though - two on one isn’t a fair fight for anyone, but she’s holding her ground someh- OH, what?!”

“Oh! Oh! That’s the Seven-Styles Kick!! ‘Oly shit, I ain’t ever seen it in person bef’r, but damn that was some’n! And one of ‘em’s gone now!”

“Things have slowed down, and she is absolutely whaling into him! Punch, punch, kick, kick; he’s doing his best to evade them, but I don’t think he can keep up like this for long! Especially since he can’t- never mind, he managed to slash her once, at least, but that just left him open for a solid haymaker! He’s not getting back u/p! 1! 2!! 3!!! SHE’S DONE IT!!!”

“Wowza...Not as bloody as last ‘un, ey darlin’?”

“Waai Fu’s getting medical attention, as is Phantom from the looks...Hey, wait a minute, honey, did you see that?”

“See what?”

--------

Aak was there at Waai Fu’s side, local anesthetic applied and staple gun going to work. “A bit of medi-gel will get this patched up in no time...Hey, who was that guy, anyway? Never seen him around before.”

“The Phantom Behind the Curtain, Treasurer of the Night. He was the leading man for a theatre troupe known for less-than-savory wetwork who traveled the world as a closely-knit ring of assassins, although many didn’t realize their actual business until the day it collapsed.” The Feline sighed. “That one killed a crowded theatre with his voice alone. He didn’t want me dead, not enough to speak to me with his true voice.”

“Truer words, vigilante, have yet to be spoken” a spectral figure whispered in her ear, disappearing before she could identify them.

The other Feline next to her cocked her head. “See something? Mighta gotten some hallucinogens in the anesthetic again.”

“No, it’s...nothing.” She shook her head. “It’ll pass, whatever it was.”

“You’d best win the tournament now, child...For your father’s sake.” From the other ear this time, as if standing in Aak’s place.

On the ground, as Warfarin ensured Gaspard began his recovery, a black cat stepped out of the shadows and, once the Sarkaz was done with the greater part of patching him up, sat on his chest, gently pawing at his face. A slight smile came to his face as he and his Christine were taken to Medical for full evaluation; he might have been defeated in this battle, but the war for himself was far from lost.

#arknights #arknights fic #TOURNAMENT ARC!!!#waai fu (arknights)#phantom (arknights)#projekt red (arknights)#jessica (arknights)#sora (arknights)#croissant (arknights)#i'm not gonna lie #i'm surprised no one's asked about Phantom yet #like i know i have a pretty sizable crowd of folks who like yuri fic #but...i 'unno #we'll get to him one of these days

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rae-arts777 · 4 years ago

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I want to talk about my religious trauma

I just want to tell my story, I know mine is minor, I know there’s worst out there, but I’m hoping maybe mine cause reach out to anyone experiencing the same so they feel less alone

Let’s start way back

Edit: (sorry I should have put this earlier) TW: slight sexual assault, self harm, suicide mention

Growing up a christian adventist, I knew Friday night to Saturday was worship. No electronics or TV unless it was veggie tales, or a Bible cartoon, and church Saturday.

Of course I acted out a bit, and would get scolded for not staying still. My mother however wasn’t upset at me for ruining church, just upset I wasn’t behaving and granted don’t blame her cause I was a brat lol. I would get in more trouble if I went with my grandma. I was “disrespecting the lord in his house” and well...I mean it’s hard for a child to sit still for 8 hours wearing a dress and shoes that made me itchy and gave me blisters

Now church was fun in some sense. Got to see my friends, food after services, I loved being able to help in the kitchen and help the elders as well.

Good right?

Well...as a child, we think what we know if right. I thought the way we had church was common to everyone. When I started school, it was different for me. I asked “why do my friends go to church on Sunday?” My grandma told me “they just don’t know the proper way, it’s your duty to tell them”

I remember...being really horrible towards a kid who’s family was an atheist. We were still friends, but I will tell him “you’re trusting the devil”. My words never seem to hurt him since he laughed them off, but I never stopped...I look back and have so much guilt. So much guilt towards others too since I tried to tell them church was Saturday’s, and going on Sunday was wrong. I think about how horrible I was, cause my religion never taught me to be accepting to others beliefs, it taught me that it’s my duty to turn others to the right way. And that makes me upset. If my religion was the religion of “accepting everyone no matter what” then why is every one else’s religion the work of the devil? And why are baptism, also who was Christians, deem “evil” like Catholics in our religion.

Middle school. I started attending the church school. Hell

I didn’t like our new pastor, something about the way he said things just...didn’t stick. His kids were a nightmare. They torment everyone. Got teachers fired they didn’t like. And went crying to their parents if they didn’t get their way. No they were not toddlers. They were teens. One got in between my old best friend and I, and since then her and I were never the same.

Because I liked art and anime...I was the weird kid, so they constantly picked on me. Pastor kids telling me certain kids here didn’t deserve to be made by god. That god made a mistake. I told them to stop, but they would go “you just don’t know. It’s hard for us!!! We don’t mean what we say!” And looking and writing this now, that was the first gaslighting and toxic friendships I experience.

It made me more mad the pastor told the whole church that his kids were perfect children. And they set an example of how all the kids in the church could act. That pastor family was just horrible. Lies, manipulation, just rude. He would make side remarks about my mum’s blonde dye hair. He would say something to my mum if I wore pants or a leather jacket to church. Just the way he said things, made my mum feel like she was a horrible parent. They made side comments when my dad would finally show up.

“I’m sorry my dad wasn’t constantly gone, he’s was too busy fighting for our country.” Is what they would want us to say.

Church become a chore. Not a joy. And when we got a new pastor, one I started to connect with, we moved away and in with my grandma

Now highschool. This is where I started drifting away from religion. I love my grandma..I really do ...but she’s so extreme. The Bible this. The Bible that. I can’t have a normal conversation without her being up the Bible. Can’t watch a movie, show, or listen to music that’s not Christian without her bringing up the Bible or turning it into a Bible lesson. I hated going to church. I hated hearing “repent. The world is ending soon”

Hearing constant that our young generation is filled with the devil, feeling all the eyes of the elders on me as I’m trying to comfort someone’s child so they can enjoy church peacefully

Hearing anyone experiencing love towards the same gender is the devil’s working

That everything I like is filled with the devil

My grandma start forcing religion worst and worst down my throat. Saying I have to be prepare. I need to make my choice. Don’t I want to be in heaven with everyone? I need to give myself to god

I won’t see my family members who passed away Catholic.

That I need to tell my other side of the family who’s Catholic the right way

The news comes on....hearing the Bible says this the Bible says that

Trying to defend trump with the Bible

This pandemic is the first plague, the world will end soon

The studies getting more and more. I can’t even read the Bible just to study out of joy cause I feel like someone is breathing down my neck.

I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

And then I’m introduce the rotten apples of my religion.

We shouldn’t wear mask it’s God’s air

Only having faith is god will keep you from getting sick and heal you

Ever remember of LGBT is going to hell

Woman who abortion are going to hell

People will tattoos go to hell

People who don’t read the Bible everyday are going to hell

People who want to make this religion more open and accepting, are hearing the devil and are going to hell

People who kill themselves are going to hell

Mental illness isn’t real; it’s just the devil and you just have to be happy cause you have god.

I told my mom I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t, it’s more forced down on me too much. If the world is ending what’s the point? What’s the point of college? What’s the point of life? What’s the point of looking for love?! Cause I’ve been told so many times my own children won’t ever get to adult or teen hood cause the world will end! What’s the point. I’m so grateful to have a mother who understands..

And it pisses me out with these Christian movies. A boy is about to kill himself, and is getting told “you’ll go to hell! You really want that?! To go to hell?!” Why are you showing this?! That’s a last thing a suicidal person needs to hear. They don’t need a fucking Bible lesson, they need comfort!!! As a person who’s tried drowning, choking, and harming themselves, I fucking know I wouldn’t want someone to find me and say “you’re going to hell for that!”

And then you have those horrible people who think just cause they are religious that it gives them a right to be a shitty person. My grandma would fucking forgive a murder if they came out as Christian.

I told my grandma once “I do want to be more involved with the church, I want to give a sermon” and she told me “you can give a small one, not a full one, god did not use women to preach, he used men. I rather you do the children’s story”

.......

The Vice President...some Christians hate her cause “god didn’t intend for women to lead, if he did his apostles would have been women”

my grandma says “she slept her way to the top!” But oh! She didn’t mind if trump, a man who’s assaulted god knows how many women was in office...

Forgive everyone....you’re suppose to forgive abusers..my bullies....I was told to forgive them even if they never said sorry..cause god wants us to forgive

I allowed..a boy to convince me to do things...cause men always knew what was right...it was ok as long as we didn’t have sex...and it was ok...cause he was a Christian boy...

I just try to be a good human...I have sickenly forgave so many people who’ve hurt me....and now...I’m the pushover...

But what I did was wrong...

I’ve just....drifted away slowly...my grandma has sort of stop trying, maybe cause I’m an adult so I can make my own choices..maybe my mum told her something...

But the things she says makes me feel ashame for being Christian....

For the longest time I thought we were perfect people...now that I’m older...I see we’re just as bad..if not worst...

It makes me so sick...just thinking..how I forgave people who HURT ME cause ...if I can’t forgive, then God doesnt want me.

If god really wants all of his “children” then why if it when we says “I don’t want to forgive the person who gave me this trauma” then it’s “i forgave you why can’t you forgive them? It’s so simple, you really can’t do something that simple? Guess you don’t want to go to heaven”

I’m so done

I’m so tired..

I have a headache and started crying a bit while writing this and there’s so much more. But my wrist hurts and just...I want to scream.

But for the majority...that’s my religious trauma.

I’m not hoping to gain anything, just to reach to anyone else who’s going through the same emotions...you’re not alone ok?

#talk #Rae talks #serious talk #religious trauma #that’s my story #ex christian

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pilferingapples · 4 years ago

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Brick Club, 1.4 entire (retro)

Cosette's story often has such a fairy-tale feel, and it starts with this section (what should I be calling these chunks of text? the X.X sections as a whole, not the X.X.X ones? Volumes?) .

And yet I'm not at all sure why I get that feeling quite so strongly, in terms of narrative technique. The initial namelessness of the cast, with Two Mothers echoing the way people in fairy tales are Mothers and Millers and Eldest Daughters? But if Fantine is presented as if she was s stranger to us again, it's not different than what happens with JVJ, and his story never feels this way. The Three Sisters made by Cosette, Eponine , and Azelma maybe? That's a very fairy-tale motif indeed. Something about the way the inn itself is described..?

Augh, I absolutely cannot put my finger on it. Still, something about this passage feels as ominous and certain and doomed as if the inn was a gingerbread cottage and Fantine was vowing to keep silent for seven years while making shirts out of nettles.

Notes on Various Things under the cut:

- love that the inn sign is really badly made. I've seen several attempts at it in various adaptations and they're always a disaster and it's excellent, I want a collection.

- the cart is covered with "the same ugly yellow mud sometimes used to decorate cathedrals". The cart that is A Metaphor for outdated social institutions. I see you, Hugo.

- I will FIGHT Hugo about peasant/working class women's clothing in this era, this outfit would be super charming! But it's definitely more about utility and practical wear than Fantine's old outfits. There are roughly a billion dissertations to be written about the way that things working class people do and use are , through history, treated as inherently ugly/undesirable, regardless of how much art and beauty might actually have gone into it; I feel like the classism kinda speaks for itself on that. And then,since Hugo's already drawn a huge Romantic Aesthetic defining line between the Useful and the Beautiful in this book, I think I can fairly just quote Gautier's explanation of the issue -- "Nothing is really beautiful but that which cannot be made use of; everything that is useful is ugly, for it is the expression of some need, and the needs of man are vile and disgusting, like his poor, weak nature" -- and leave this for now. I suspect it will come up again.

- Fantine has been "marked by irony" --that is, scarred by her time with Tholomyes. I do like the way this new line on her face sounds almost like a dueling scar. Fantine's a fighter in her own way!

- ...Tholomyes is gonna make it to at least 1828, meaning he'll outlive everyone we love in this story except Cosette and Marius. And he'll do it while being "always a man of pleasure"--I feel like there's an implicit suggestion that Cosette has a lot of half-siblings in the world, all of them with a story as important as hers, if only people would take them seriously.

- ...as a Somewhat Taller Than Average woman myself, I am rather delighted by Hugo's obvious terror of women who are Not Tiny. ( And I realize I'm probably Reaching to think that Mme T might have been much happier and more well-adjusted if she weren't trying to cram her giant self into a tiny box of Ideal Femininity? Maybe she'd have been much more ok if she'd been able to go into showbiz and get famous as a weightlifter or something. )

But I do think there's a real sort of sadness to her introductory chapters. She had an ideal dream for her own life , and it wasn't even a particularly ambitious one--just a love story, really-- and it's fallen through as much as anyone else's hoped-for Ideal in the novel. She's still trying to hang onto it at this point, but we're already given a glimpse of the future when she'll not only have given up on that ideal, but come to despise herself for it. This is no way absolves her of her cruelty towards others, but I think she's a more complex villain (and she is a villain) than she's sometimes treated as.

- Fantine does try to lie about having been married, here! ...but she also comes right out and tells people she's making a financial Deal with exactly how much money she has, and how much she's able to give over, before it's all settled. It's painful how ill-prepared she is to deal with this kind of economic manipulation (and I think "prepared" is really relevant; she's had no one more naturally skilled or experienced to teach her how to handle these things, and business negotiations, which this is, are incredibly complicated) .

Seeing how much money Mme T gets for Cosette's fine clothes makes me strongly suspect that Fantine was severely underpaid for pawning her own fancy things--unless, and I guess this is possible, her "putting all her finery" on Cosette is meant to be literal, and Cosette's current clothes are directly made of Fantine's old fancy outfits.

- Fantine tries to lie about having been married , and the neighbors *see* her crying as she leaves Cosette, and Cosette must have been well dressed and all for that first months or so...but still, everyone believes the Thenardiers when they start telling the town that Cosette is an abandoned, illegitimate child. They believe it because Cosette looks the part, and Cosette looks the part because the Thenardiers force her into it. In so many ways, Fantine is never in control of the narrative about her child, and What People Say about them does indeed matter more than anything she does--no amount of effort, no show of love, can save her and Cosette when everyone else has decided they're socially damned.

...but on the less thematic and more practical side,how on earth are the Thenardiers learning about her marital status? Seriously, was this freely avaialable info? This issue is something that comes up several times in the novel and I really have no idea what access to people's family records was like?

- we get our first negative association with a cat , hm

- ...workers have "generous impulses", huh? (also I am not at all sure if the corresponding Bourgeois Respectability is meant to be entirely a good thing, but I'm not sure it's NOT , like I would be with Some Writers? Agh)

- The Thenardiers' animal souls are :

French: écrevisses

Hapgood: crab-like FMA: crabs Rose: crayfish Donougher: lobsters

Google Translate agrees with Rose, but I wonder if this isn't one of those words that was colloquially used to mean a general category of creatures in its day --Things Like a Crayfish/lobster/crab-- and has come to mean something very specific now?

- ..y'know, what really kills me about Cosette in this every time is how everyone , *everyone* in this town really either believes she deserves her abuse, or thinks it's BETTER than she deserves. This is not happening in secret, behind closed doors, in a private house; it's at the public inn and very blatant. Everyone knows she's out in the cold , first up every morning, starving and beaten, in a home where the other kids somehow have more than enough (because their parents steal it from Cosette, directly). And not one person in this discount Omelas even thinks it's bad , much less intervenes. It's a point in the Thenardiers' favor, socially. This isn't just the gamins of Paris being brushed aside,this is a whole town actively citing horrible child abuse as the Moral and Good Option that elevates the people doing it.

And in this, I suppose, Cosette shares a history with Valjean-- they're both put through absolutely horrific abuse , which is not just societally ignored, or accepted with jaded apathy , but openly lauded as morally correct. I hate Montfermeil so much-- but Montfermeil is not really different from Arras, or Digne, or any other place where people think that abuse of the "deserving" is a Good Thing.

#LM 1.4 #brickclub #brick club #LM 1.4.1 #LM 1.4.3 #LM 1.4.2 #child abuse mention #long psot #long post

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tearsofgrace · 4 years ago

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turns out i’m not done with this !!

@wanderingcas i love you but i do blame you for this

the seven sonnets of michelangelo, written by benjamin britten for his long-time partner peter pears (who later described them as the best thing britten had ever given him) are a song cycle written for piano and tenor. besides like the real world implications of this making me go feral because GOD (for context, britten died in 1976) they FIT DESTIEL REALLY DAMN WELL OKAY????

so here’s the link

the lyrics come from translations (done by pears) of michelangelo’s sonnets if that wasn’t clear

im not gonna do a musical analysis, even though like god that also fits destiel perfectly, but ima look at individual prose (coming from the translations of michelangelo’s original work) below the cut, feel free to scroll darlings

sonetto xvi

Just as there is a high, a low, and a middle style in pen and ink, and as within the marble are images rich and poor, according as our fancy knows how to draw them forth:

so within your heart, dear love, there are perhaps, as well as pride, some humble feelings: but I draw thence only what is my desert and like to what I show outside on my face.

Whoever sows sighs, tears and lamentations (Heaven’s moisture on earth, simple and pure, adapts itself differently to different seeds) reaps and gathers grief and sadness:

whoever looks on high beauty with so great a grief reaps doubtful hopes and sure and bitter pain.

okay so the best part of equating all this to destiel is that for the most part, the sonnets they chose to translate deal with the bad parts of love, the unfulfilled rejection and Despair (sorry) if you will

the last line in this one really REALLY kills me. “high beauty” being cas and dean being the one looking and reaping only pain.

also just the heaven imagery in general and the bitterness of it all... kill me now?

sonetto xxxi

Why must I go on venting my ardent desire in tears and melancholy words, if Heaven that dresses the soul in grief, never, soon or late, allows relief?

Why should my weary heart long for death since all must die? So to these eyes my last hours will be less painful, all my grief being greater than any joy.

If, therefore, I cannot avoid these blows, nay, even seek them, since it is my fate, who is the one that stands always between joy and grief?

If to be happy I must be conquered and held captive, no wonder then that I, unarmed and alone, remain the prisoner of a Cavalier in arms.

the complete hopelessness in this one gives me all kinds of feels. the idea that maybe the reason cas couldn’t have dean is because all the hurt and pain and grief that fills the small space between them overwhelms the happiness they could have in being together

and then of course the last line.. is SO cas. “if to be happy i must be conquered” hahahahahhaa this is fine

sonetto xxx

With your lovely eyes I see a sweet light that yet with my blind ones I cannot see; with your feet I carry a weight on my back which with my lame ones I cannot; with your wings I, wingless, fly; with your spirit I move forever heavenward; at your wish I blush or turn pale, cold in the sunshine, or hot in the coldest midwinter.

My will is in your will alone, my thoughts are born in your heart, my words are on your breath.

Alone, I am like the moon in the sky which our eyes cannot see save that part which the sun illumines.

finally a happy one !

“with your wings I, wingless, fly” ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

plus PLUS the whole “with your BLANK i BLANK” is just soooo reminiscent of cas learning how to feel from dean. i’m. going. to. scream.

“my will is in your will alone” ................. “i always come when you call”

AND! THEN! THE! MOON! AND! SUN! THING! THAT! WE! ALL! TALK! ABOUT! WITH! DEAN AND CAS! (looking at marlo) @heller-jensen

sonetto lv

Though know’st, beloved, that I know thou know’st that I am come nearer to enjoy thee more; and thou know’st that I know thou know’st that I am still the same. Why, then, do I hesitate to greet thee?

If the hope thou givest me is true, if true the strong desire that is granted me, the wall between us crumbles, for secret griefs have double force.

If I love in thee, beloved, only what thou lovest most, do not be angry; for so one spirit is enamoured of another.

That which in thy lovely face I yearn for and seek to grasp, is but ill understood by human kind, and he that would see it, first must die.

the hesitation in this is key. the whole, if we know we’re in love why then are we waiting that just perfectly encapsulates dean and cas

and then. and THEN. the whole ethereal-ness of the second half. the whole next-to-godliness of those lines. the whole he’s AN ANGEL I DON’T KNOW IF HE CAN FEEL THAT WAY HE’S UNTOUCHABLE. kinda thing.

sonetto xxxviii

Give back to my eyes, you fountains and rivers, the waves of those strong currents that are not yours, which make you swell and grow with greater power than is your natural way.

And thou, heavy air, that dims the heavenly light to my sad eyes, so full of my sighs art thou, give them back to my weary heart and lighten thy dark face to my eye’s keen sight.

Earth, give me back my footsteps that the grass may sprout again where it was trod; and Echo, yet deaf to my laments, give back thy sound; and you blest pupils give back to my eyes their glances;

that I another time may love another beauty, since with me you are not satisfied.

this one isn’t actually destiel per se... this one is cas. this one is a broken afraid cas who’s just turned human and doesn’t know how to live and who is realizing he is in love with dean.

and he knows (thinks) dean could never love him back. everything, everything has changed for him since falling in love with dean. but he still thinks that dean will never be satisfied with him

sonetto xxxii

If love be chaste, if pity heavenly, if fortune equal between two lovers; if a bitter fate is shared by both, and if one spirit, one will rules two hearts;

if in two bodies one soul is made eternal, raising both to heaven on the same wings; if at one stroke and with a gilded arrow love burns and pierces two hearts to the core;

if in loving one another, forgetting one’s self, with one pleasure and one delight there is such reward that both wills strive for the same end;

if thousands and thousands do not make one hundredth part to such a bond of love, to such constancy, can, then, mere anger break and dissolve it?

hehe this one makes me cry. like. fulllllll on cry.

highlights

“bitter fate is shared by both” “one will rules two hearts” i mean... i MEAN. don’t think i need to explain that

and then the next part. “in two bodies one soul is made eternal” with only dean having a soul and him drawing them together but then the VERY next part “raising both to heaven on the same wings” with only cas having wings i’m literally going feral someone take my keyboard away from me before i ASLDJFHA

“can, then, mere anger break and dissolve it?”

“i don’t know why i get so angry. i just know it’s always been there. ... and i forgive you. of course i forgive you.”

because no matter how angry dean gets at cas, no matter how much he batters and abuses him, the bond between them will always live through it.

sonetto xxiv

Noble soul, in whose chaste and dear limbs are reflected all that nature and heaven can achieve with us, the paragon of their works:

graceful soul, within whom one hopes and believes Love, Pity and Mercy are dwelling, as they appear in your face; things so rare and never found in beauty so truly:

Love takes me captive, and Beauty binds me; Pity and Mercy with sweet glances fill my heart with a strong hope.

What law or earthly government, what cruelty now or to come, could forbid Death to spare such a lovely face?

so the last one is happy again (yay!!) and also basically just described the righteous man like i am not kidding.

like this is literally just cas telling dean how much he deserves and how everything he’s ever done he’s done because of love and i’m screaming.

and then. the SECOND half. is the second half of cas’ confession. really fitting that this is the last sonnet, huh? the end of their love story at least as we see it on screen.

this is just cas saying he loves dean. before he’s ripped away from him.

#this wasn't supposed to become a full meta !#but it has !#spn meta #my writing #classical music #oops #didn't mean to write 1.5k #...

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creacherkeeper · 4 years ago

Photo

[ID: a header showing the words “Kosis & disability” with a drawing of the main character. the word “kosis” is in original font, made to look like mossy stone. the “i” is speckled and distorted. the character has lavender skin, dark teal hair, and a white and purple striped sleeveless turtleneck. one of their hands is on their head and the other is over their stomach. they are crying with a grimace. the image is distorted and blurred to give it a look of unreality. end ID]

so kosis is the game i’m working on, as i mentioned yesterday! like i said, this one is a visual novel as opposed to an educational game, but it still deals heavily with disability and mental illness, so i wanted to talk about that a bit

summary: kosis is set in a world full of magical mushroom forests and adorable villages. but one day our hero comes across an ancient demon temple in the woods and learns the titans of the old world are rising again - and they don’t have much time to save their village

spoiler warning below the cut! discussion of mental illness, cw for medication

so as some of you may know, i’m schizophrenic. i have been since i was a kid. diagnosed & started treatment at age 20. growing up, i never saw positive portrayals of characters like me. schizophrenia was this scary thing, and characters with it were often violent, misguided, and wound up ... not okay, in the end, to put it lightly. this really affected my mental health, as still to this day, i get nervous disclosing my diagnosis & have a hard time seeing myself with a happy ending

kosis is my answer to the problem i have with schizophrenia in media. though not always a happy game, kosis has a main schizophrenic character that is not overly dark, is not horror, and does have a hopeful ending

at the beginning, the player has no reason to doubt anything that happens in the world of kosis. this world has fantastical creatures and giant glowing mushrooms - why not a demon temple and long-dead titans? but, as the game progresses, the player is meant to suspect something is off. through a mechanic called “assessments”, the player realizes that the hero doesn’t always come to logical conclusions. plus, no one else in the village can see these demons. and when our hero gets attacked, they’re the only one who seems to see any actual injuries

i wanted to show schizophrenia in a fictional world to replicate what the experience is like for some of us. when in an episode, the things we’re thinking and seeing feel very real and logical. if i set the game in our world, the player could understand fairly easily what was real and what wasn’t. they would start to doubt the hero much earlier. but, in the world of kosis, there’s no reason not to go along with our hero’s perception - at least for a time

it’s important to me to show that our hero, even when they’re frazzled and afraid, is never a danger to anyone else, and still cares deeply about their friends and village. mentally ill people are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, but there is an idea in (american) society that mentally ill people are dangerous. i want our hero to be sympathetic and for their thought process to be understandable. if you thought titans were coming back to destroy the world, you’d probably be frantic to stop it too. i want to show that our hero is coming from a good place, but delusion, hallucination, and paranoia leads them to the wrong conclusions, and therefore the wrong actions as well

medication is used in the game to help the hero once their mental illness is discovered. this might be controversial to people with psychiatric conditions. but the game is based off my own experience. meds aren’t for everyone, but they’ve helped me get to a stable and healthier place. in the game, i emphasize that there are side effects to the medication that the hero may not want to tolerate forever. they choose to go on meds themselves, and also reserve the right to go off them in the future if they feel like its right. meds arent the ultimate or only answer - they also have their family, friends, and community to help them through it. though some of our hero’s actions are confusing, mostly the people around them are concerned and want to help. as much as i wanted to show some of what its like to live with schizophrenia, i wanted to model how the people around us can act with care and concern rather than derision or fear

while the ending of the game isn’t strictly joyful, it is a hopeful ending with our hero in a place of healing and surrounded by friends. mentally ill people deserve to see themselves with happy endings too. too many stories told about us end in tragedy. i wanted kosis to be different

future updates, including art, screenshots, and discussion will be posted to this blog under the tag “kosis game”!

#game dev #GameDev #indie game #actually disabled #actually schizophrenic #kosis game

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sainadazai · 3 years ago

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Chapter 5

^^^

A/n Hey I drew a lil doodoo drawing of y/ns suit

So yeah, this was a quick one when I was bored. Maybe Ill do more art for this book and better art later. I also apologize for the body type being on the side of thin- curvy.

I simply drew the common body shape for MHA's animated style, and then made the thighs a lil thicker because I felt like a garter deserves some nice thighs . If its not your body type, or it offends you, I apologize, and I can take it off this story if it bothers anyone.

Anyway..

On the way out of school that day, you could faintly hear the quarrel of two boys from your class, the ones whose fight earlier scared Ojiro. They seemed to have so much in common, and yet it pitted against them. They needed a wake up call, but it wasn't yours to give. The yelling was hard to just walk by, but you did your best to tune it out, you'd ease dropped enough earlier when you watched them put their hearts into their battle on the screen.

Still, your mind was preoccupied, so you walked past them easily, not even sparing a glance. Eyes stuck to the ground in concentration. Just trying to follow the little scrapes and grooves in the sidewalk you stood on.

Todoroki said thank you, after you apologized. As if he'd never heard it before, that's what his voice sounded like. Like no one ever noticed that fear he had in those heterochromatic eyes. Whatever happened to him, stuck with him. Bothered him, even. You could just tell.

Why hadn't you said something more? Or maybe all you said was all he neede-

"Oof!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you," He did see you, he saw you from meters away, looking at the ground. Perfect time for him to execute his plan.

You looked up from your spot on the ground, having fallen over. There stood Shoto Todoroki, in all his deadpan glory, looking down at you. He wasn't offering a hand so you did your best to stand on your own while keeping your underwear hidden. The boy didn't seem like the type who would look, but you never know.

"Ah, don't worry, um, its my fault anyways." You had been waiting for the chance to talk to him, but now he stood in front of you, there was nothing you felt comfortable saying. Earlier in class you totally embarrassed yourself in front of him, and then scared him. In a mean way too, in a trauma way.

"I don't really see how it's your fault."

So he did want to talk to you? He could have simply left after the brief apologies, but he stayed, protesting your claim. That and the privacy, made it much easier to respond to the boy.

"Well, I was staring at the ground, so not really the best way to walk through a place where anyone else could be." You kept your gaze at his shoes, to prevent from overthinking and getting flustered. This was supposed to be the beginning of a great friendship.

"Hm, you always look at the ground?" He pondered seriously, as you used his voice to block out the sounds of yelling a couple hundred meters away.

What was he implying with that question? Did he mean it as an insult, or was he just curious? He always seemed so sincere with his words, blunt but soft. It was strange to you, but it felt trustworthy.

"What do you mean?"

"You always seem to be looking at the ground, like in the quirk assessment test, and when you were beating me earlier. Why do you do that, L/n?" Todoroki took a step forward, standing one meter away from you.

"I guess to distract myself?" You were guessing out loud, but again something about it felt okay. Like you could say whatever you wanted and he would still just be there, curious eyes staring down at you.

"What are you distracting yourself fr-"

"You were super cool in the training earlier!" You almost yelled at him, not feeling like describing the eyes that felt so prying on you every time you spoke. Similarly not wishing to relive all the years where talking got you beat up in alleys on your walk home, and black eyes began to mark your face more commonly than not. It's not like that would be important to him, at least your wounds healed.

He had that trauma, whatever it was, constantly screaming at him in the mirrors or reflections of himself. A scar that widens his stoic eyes at the mere presence of heat, something that must hurt him very badly. Your childhood bullies are nothing to him, so it's best to talk about anything else.

"Oh, um thank you, L/n, but you were the one who won after all. I won't let you best me again, you know."

"Oh, I um, I'm not sure that win was fair.." You rubbed the back of your neck, hiding your embarrassment for your actions earlier. It didn't seem to cross your mind that what you did was actually what you were supposed to do. All you could think of was the look in his eyes that you put there, and you didnt ever wanna see it again.

Todoroki could sense that feeling of guilt in you, he'd felt it plenty of times before. Alone in his room when he dreams of his mothers face, sitting at his desk at school, thinking of all of the times he lost control of his quirk as a kid, in training. He learned to see it in others, you felt like it was an unfair win because you had scared him. That was your job, though, wasn't it? Why were you so upset at your success? He didn't understand.

"Did you break a rule, or something?"

"No.."

"Then how could you have cheated?"

"I just.. Look whatever happened to you eye-" you stopped as you noticed him stiffen. It wouldn't be nice to make him relive his trauma either, so what were you meant to say?

"I just shouldn't have used heat, I could tell that was a burn scar and it was a cruel thing to do." you looked down at the ground feeling like the shittiest hero in the world.

"You were playing the villain, though, weren't you?" He spoke again, seeming to have regained his stoic presence and stone face.

"I guess I was, but I'm here to become a hero. A hero wouldn't do something like that."

"Maybe they would." He started talking with certainty that disobeyed his use of the word 'maybe'.

"Huh?"

"Not all heroes are what you think they are, L/n." He looked you dead in the eyes, the intensity of his aura growing and it almost felt like you were supposed to cower in fear. Still, you held your ground, despite now being only inches away from him.

"Sounds like you speak from experience," You tilted your head becoming more outwardly spoken and allowing your thoughts to exit your mouth.

"That's a topic for another day, goodnight, L/n." With that, he turned away and walked stiffly out of U.A.'s gates. Leaving a million questions to run through your mind.

Did this make you friends now? When would that other day come? Had you just eternally ruined your chances at being a hero? Was he right? Were some heroes bad, like you? Were you bad? There were too many questions for you to answer yourself. So you settled from going home and making some dinner with your parents, you missed them, after having to be friends with other kids all day. They would be your comforting escape from highschool, or well, two days worth of highschool.

When you arrived at the barrier-like gates of your school the next morning, you were rushed with reporters. They were men and women, tall and short, circling around you all at once. You could hear the sweet and kind voice of Uraraka from afar, but you couldn't see her over the swarm of reporters. It was terrifying.

"What's it like having all might as your teacher?"

"Is the hero course majorly improved by the symbol of peace's presence?"

"Why did All Might become a teacher?"

"Have you done any training with the number one pro?"

Being here almost felt like being in your own mind. Swarmed with questions you don't have the answers too, or the confidence to answer them if you do. It was overwhelming, the world began to spin around you and your palms grew sweaty. E/c eyes shot in every direction to find an escape but they couldn't, you were trapped. Then, little black dots started to crowd up your vision like ants in your eyes and you fell unconscious.

The brown haired girl who had been happily indulging reporters noticed your fall and ran to you, grabbing hold of your arm. She wasn't really sure what had happened, but she decided to just take you into class with her. The reporters busying themselves with other arriving students.

Ochako took it upon herself to take hold of your backpack and drag your limp body by it, all the way up the hill and into the buildings of U.A. She wouldn't admit it, due to being a bit shy, but you caught her eye on the first day of school, and she'd been meaning to befriend you. Unlike the group of girls who she noticed had adopted you, Ochako spent her first few days with Deku and Iida. Securing herself in a nice little group with them.

However, you were very pretty, and adorably shy, and she really wanted to be your friend. Then after your awesome performance in yesterday's training, she was set on it. This was a great opportunity for her to help someone out, and make a new friend!

Strange looks came from every direction as the short, pink-cheeked girl dragged your seemingly lifeless form through the halls. They were both concerned for you, and confused at her calmness in the situation. However, no one spoke on it, fearing a hero class student might have some weird reason to do a strange thing like this.

Well, no one until Deku. He had been excited to greet his friend until he noticed her unusual baggage.

"Hi Urarak-Is that L/n?!" His eyes shot wide and he almost jumped back.

She looked down to you, and then back up at the freckled boy, "Oh, yeah" rubbing her neck she added, "She sorta passed out by the reporters and I couldn't just leave her there!"

"Oh my god! Is she okay? Should we take her to recovery girl? What if she has iron deficiency? Did the reporters zap her with some sort of quirk?"

"Deku...Deku...DEKU!"

"Wahh!?Yes?"

"She is fine, I think she just got overwhelmed." Uraraka tried to calm him. She wasn't all that sure about your condition herself, but it didn't seem crazy like Midoriya was implying. You just looked panicked. Her head turned as soon, Todoroki walked up to 1.A. 's door.

"Oh, hello L/n.." he looked down at you, kicked your side a bit to check if you were dead or not. Honestly, he wasn't very surprised to see you passed out in the halls, having assumed you were met with the reporters as well. Todoroki couldn't blame you for falling unconscious, he wished he could have, too.

At his nudge, you stirred awake, and then all at once, shot up to your feet defensively. "A-All Mights cool, okay! He's fine, he's just fine. Please I-" Then your eyes cleared and you were no longer in front of the school. The people surrounding you were no longer reporters, but your classmates.

"Oh, um, hi..guys?"

"I already said hello to you, L/n."

"While I was unconscious?"

"Yes."

"How does tha-"

"Get outta my way you losers!" The puff of blonde hair and rabies stormed through the halls. Back slumped like an angry old man, scowl resting on his face. He was not excited for school after yesterday, and those damn reporters made it worse, bringing up the sludge monster incident. So imagine the rage when the annoying girl who placed just behind him on almost everything was at the door, looking stupid, and nervous, and in his way.

"L/n! You better get out of that doorway!"

You squeaked, not because bakugou's empty threats scared you, but because if you defied him, that meant speaking words. He seemed pretty good at words, so you didn't want to test it. His voice was also way too loud for someone who had just woken up from what you thought was a near death experience.

People were scary.

Soon enough, however, everyone was settled in class. You, in your seat next to Todoroki, who didn't seem quite as cold as the day prior. Not to say his face was any less stone-like or his voice was any less monotone, but the aura around him wasn't as intense. That comforted you as Aizawa began the days homeroom period.

"Decent work on yesterday's combat training, you guys. I saw the video feeds and went over each of your team's results. Bakugou, you're talented, so don't sulk like a child about your loss, okay?"

Said boy huffed a breath "Yeah, whatever."

"And midoriya.."

He continued talking about how Midoriya has to break himself to use his quirk, but you tuned it out because the memory of seeing it was pretty gross.

"L/n, your battle with Todoroki was risky, he was less than a foot away from a victory by the time you took action, additionally, you're going to have to get those nerves under control. We can't have you apologizing every time you use your quirk. It's a waste of air."

His call out of your name was enough to shock your eyes open, but him criticizing your work in front of others? That was terrifying. You knew he was right, about everything, it was his job to be, after all. Still, it hurt to hear, considering it wasn't like you intended on being shy. Your body just clamped up and started to sweat when other people came around. It got super hot and loud and scary until you muttered an apology, nothing about it was voluntary. If anything, you really wanted to be extroverted and say what's on your mind and be bold. The world just seemed to have different plans, you supposed.

"Sor- I mean, uh, yes sir!"

Todoroki shot you a side glance , internally a bit proud at your ability to stop the apology that rested on your tongue. He was having an internal battle with himself about why he wanted it and why he didn't. The argument points being; it's adorable when you're shy, it's kind to apologize - versus - you being confident yesterday was arousing, and making quick progress is a sign of intelligence. A tough battle for the young boy's mind.

"Today we'll be choosing a class representative. Hurry up and choose before class ends." Aizawa zipped himself away in his sleeping bag and the class was left confused. Until you suppose everybody wanted to be class rep. Then there was an abundance of screaming and begging. From the red haired boy, the pink skinned girl, the kind girl from lunch. The whole class thought they would be worthy leaders. You heavily disagreed.

From your experience in previous schooling, class representatives were meant to be somebody smart, strong minded, compassionate, a good leader. These were just a ton of kids begging for attention, really, you aspired to be just like them.

Aizawa was right, though, you needed to get the whole shy thing under control, and fast if you wanted people here to view you as a threat. So you decided you probably wanted momo as class rep and slumped in your seat to strategize ways to be more bold.

While you were zoning off in your seat, Iida took charge of the situation, you guessed it was always going to come down to a vote, but good on him for 'coming up with it.'

"Hey, L/n."

"Wha?! Oh todoroki, um, yes?"

"Who are you choosing?"

"Um, Yaoyorozu.."

"Why?"

"Well, she is smart, and kind, and probably a good leader, so"

"Okay. Me too then."

His words didn't make sense to you. Was he agreeing with you just because of something you said?vIt couldn't be. Maybe he was insisting that he, too, was a good leader. That would make more sense than agreeing with you.

"You're a good leader too?"

"No. I will also vote for yaoyorozu."

"B-b-but...WHY!?!" your eyes widened in shock as you whisper-yelled at him.

"You don't want me to?" he asked, still in deadpan.

"I-well I do, B-but um, nevermind." It was better to return your gaze to yo[ur desk. He would think you are weird if you said something about it being because of you. He probably just also saw those traits in momo, it had nothing to do with you.

There were almost tears in your eyes. It felt as if the whole world was rooting against you, cheering for your failure. Eyes were watching and glaring, it felt like it'd be better to just curl up into a ball on the floor. Be so small they cant see you anymore, then maybe the universe would stop hating you so much.

They were out of soba for lunch. You would rather starve.

Next to you, on the way to some random table, momo was complaining about how Midoriya was president. She didn't understand what he really could do, being that he was so shy to attention. He reminded her of you, but she would never say that. It would make you nervous, like you and he were competitors, and he is so much nicer than you.

"Hey! Over here!" Ashido called to the two of you, waving her hand frantically.

"As I was saying, he does show some signs of good leadership, but im worried he is too nervous right now."

"Mm, yeah.." Your hand came up to wave at said boy, who had been making an uncomfortable eye-contact with you for quite some time.

Over at Midoriya's table, the conversation about pros had shifted to you. As Iida was explaining his family business, or hero-business, it led him to the memory of having been told a story about you. About your dad, to be precise.

"Yes. And I dont think I'm the only descendant of a pro in our class."

"What?!' Ochako screamed, eyes wide and shaking in excitement.

His gaze flickered to where you walked slowly next to a rambling black haired girl. No lunch in hand and mind seemingly elsewhere.

"Yes. I recall the story of one rising pro from years ago, under the name of Magneto. He was almost in the top ten ranks after less than a year of hero work, and climbed quickly. His private life was kept under wraps but his last name was L/n. That, and the metal quirk lead me to believe that the L/n of our class is his relative in some way." Iida presented the information with less gestures than he used for his own family, but more like he was solving a mystery, one he seemed quite proud to have deciphered.

"Oh I know Magneto, he retired around the same time All Might got famous." Uraraka added.

They were both quite indifferent at this information, but Midoriya was thinking a million miles a second. He knew exactly why your relative retired. In the battle where All Might saved over a hundred people, and became famous, the battle he'd watched a thousand times as a kid, Magneto was injured, along with his pregnant wife. It caught the news a couple days later and he had written down everything.

So was this hero your father? Uncle? Cousin? Is this how you got to be so strong? He was so busy feeling in awe of you he began to stare. Lost in the gate of your stride, and the stillness of your lips, how they were pursed in a straight line as if you disagreed with something. Those e/c eyes were however lost in thought. Until you spoke something quietly and looked up at him, holding eye contact.

He blushed slightly at being caught and decided he should just wave, and you waved back.

From the other side of the table, Todoroki could hear everything. He could acknowledge that you were strong, with or without a famous dad, but he wondered if the pro-hero dad thing was the same for you as it was for him, He'd hope not, he assumed not, too. Even if your life wasn't what he had thought it was, you always smiled so brightly. When you thought no o[ne was looking, you'd smile at Midoriya's success, and the fighting of the kids in front of you. Sometimes he even caught you smiling to yourself in class, as you just wrote down some English questions.

That smile didn't feel like it came from struggle, or masking pain, it felt genuine. He found that he really liked that.

"Warning Level 3 Security Breach!"

#todoroki fluff #shoto torodoki #todoroki shoto x reader #mha todoroki #todoroki x reader #mha fanfiction #mha fluff #momo yaoyozoru #yaomomo #momo x reader

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ordinaryschmuck · 4 years ago

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What I thought about every episode of The Owl House Season 1 (Part 1/2)

Salutations random people on the internet who probably won't read this. I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Hey, do you miss Gravity Falls?

...

Yeah, I know, dumb question. Which is why I have good news! Not only is there a new series that is just as good as Gravity Falls, but in some ways, it's even better. That new series would be none other than Disney Channel's latest hit: The Owl House.

The Owl House, slowly but surely, became my new obsession since Eda reacted to decapitation with an unconcerned, "I hate when that happens." I wrote fan-fiction, made fan-art, and even began to separately review new episodes. Unfortunately, I got in a little late in the reviewing game and only managed to analyze the last four episodes of season one. And like an idiot, I promised that I'll review the rest when they came out on Disney+. Seeing that all of the first season has finally come on a legal streaming service (which means WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!), it's time I finally saw through to that promise. However, I'm not going to over-analyze each episode because that would be insane. So instead, we're going to lightning round these suckers. Because it's my Tumblr, and I get to decide what I review and how the hell I review it...hooah.

Which means this is your last chance to avoid spoilers if you haven't seen The Owl House yet. Seriously, it's a great show, and you can catch up right now on Disney+. A week-long trial is more than enough time to watch the series, so DO IT! With that out of the way, let's get started with:

“A Lying Witch and a Warden”: This episode gets a lot of flack for having poor pacing and being too preachy with its message. And to that, I say...you're not wrong. Yeah, I wish I could be that person who can defend this episode against criticism like that, but these are understandable problems that just left this icky feeling in my tum-tum when watching. But that's only when looking at it as a regular old episode when in reality, people need to see it as a first episode. The first episode in any show needs to get viewers interested enough to continue watching by answering these five essential questions: What's the plot of the show? What's the tone? Who are the main characters? What's the world they live in? And what are the rules of the same world? "A Lying Witch and a Warden" does a great job of answering all of these questions. And if you stuck around until the season finale, then that means it did a great job of keeping you interested in sticking around as well. So seeing how it got its job done, albeit, with mixed results, I give this episode a B-.

“Witches Before Wizards”: Don't mind me. Just reveling in the fact that Luz escaped to a fantasy world to avoid Reality Check Camp, only to get a reality check anyway. Because that's what this episode is in a nutshell. Through the "quest" that Luz goes on, she learns two important lessons: One, don't trust strangers who offer you something nice and shiny (bonus points for Eda warning Luz to avoid men with sandals and then have Ategast wear sandals). And two, there is no such thing as having a predetermined destiny. I love the idea that Luz coming to the Isles was just a twist of fate, and everything that happens afterward is pure dumb luck. And that moment when Eda gave a speech about making your own path instead of waiting to become something special? That was the moment when I went from thinking this was going to be a fun show to thinking it's going to be a great show. So consider this episode a solid A in my book.

“I Was a Teenage Abomination”: How is it possible for an episode to get better and worse with time? Because here's the thing: This episode does a great job of showing how perfect Amity's development is. After one single season, it already feels jarring, seeing the way she acts in certain scenes. However, in that same respect, it's the same reason why this episode got worse. I didn't mind that Willow practically got away with cheating and vandalizing the school with her magic because she and Luz were basically trying to show up a two-dimensional bully. But knowing what we know in the future, it does seem unfair that Amity gets punished for their bad behavior and Willow got little consequences for it. Sure, Luz got banned and had to work at gaining Amity's trust, but what about Willow? Although, despite this complaint, I don't really hate this episode. It builds a believable connection between Luz and her friends, and the B-plot King and Eda show off their budding friendship. So while this episode is a C-, it's a somewhat enjoyable C-.

“The Intruder”: Is it weird for anyone else that King gets most of the blame in this episode? Yes, he took the potion, but Luz was the one who kept pushing him. This is why it never sat right with me seeing how everyone, including himself, blames King for this episode's incident. That being said, "The Intruder" is fantastic. Eda, as the Owl Beast, is legitimately threatening, and the way the episode treats Eda's curse like a chronic illness is actually kind of sweet. It teaches kids how this is something that just happens to people, and they're not any weaker because of it, as long as they take the right steps. Which is cool, and it's why this is another solid A episode for me. Sure King getting the blame bothers me, but it pales in comparison to everything else “The Intruder” does right.

“Covention”: If you want my personal opinion (obviously, seeing how you're reading this), "Covention" is the perfect episode to show a friend to get them into watching the The Owl House. Everything there is to love about the show is seen in just these twenty-two minutes. Eda being a chaotic good, Luz being a sweet and understanding character, some incredible/natural world-building, an actually decent B-plot, an epic fight scene, great comedy, and, my personal favorite, the building of Luz and Amity's relationship. In fact, this episode has the most quintessential moment between these two, that Dana Terrace herself took charge of making the animatic for it. A scene that is so perfect that you can do an analysis of these few minutes alone...which is what I did. Click here to read it! "Covention" gets an A+ in my book and might possibly be the best episode of the season. Maybe even the series!

“Hooty’s Moving Hassle”: There's not really a lot I can say about this episode. I don't hate it, but I'm not exactly in love with it. The interactions between Luz and her friends are adorable, and there are a few good jokes that kept me laughing. But the story is kind of bland, and I just find Eda's sudden obsession with Hexes Hold'em kind of odd. Especially since a card game is what nearly defeated the "undefeatable" Owl Lady. If it wasn't for the nice reveal of Willow's and Amity's friendship (which comes into play in a far better episode), I'd say that you could skip this one on future rewatches. Because this is a C grade episode that just doesn't grab me as well as others.

“Lost in Language”: Ah, yes. The episode that made dozens of fans jump aboard the Lumity ship...unless you're like me, and you've been shipping these two since the show's theme song (And I don't know why, either. It's just the second I saw Amity my first thought was, "Oh, honey. You're gonna fall in love with the main character, aren't you?" AND I WAS F**KING RIGHT!). But jokes about shipping aside, "Lost in Language" is a fantastic episode. It has a great lesson about how people are more complex than their first impressions (Or to not judge a book by its cover, if you wanna stay on theme). Edric and Emira seem like a chaotic duo who cause mischief all for good fun. But Luz, as well as the audience, learns that Ed and Em are kinda the worst (they get better in future episodes, but still). Then there's Amity, who hasn't had the best first impressions in the last few episodes. We got glimpses of a good person here and there, but for the most part, that's all they were. Glimpses. Then there's this episode, which gives us more than a small look, but some actual insight into who Amity really is. Better yet, who she wants to be. It's something that I appreciate about The Owl House in that it wastes no time in developing Amity's character. So much so that I can forgive this episode for shoehorning a "Two idiots and a baby" plotline that does nothing but add maybe two minutes of padding. So yeah, it's an A+ for sure.

“Once Upon a Swap”: "Ugh! It's the body swap episode! How cliche and-" SHUT UP! Shut your mouth, and listen: Something being cliche does not always make it bad. Only when the cliche fails to tell an entertaining story does it have the right to work as a complaint. "Once Upon a Swap" may have a cliche premise, but it's still an enjoyable story (or stories) with great laughs and even some ok lessons. I can understand if you hate the episode because its premise is something you've seen a dozen times to the point where your sick of it. My most hated story idea is the "Character A saves Character B, and Character B becomes a life slave." If you have seen this story once, you've seen it a thousand times, and it's the same case with a "body swap" episode. But guess what: The Owl House is a kids' show. Kids'. Show. You can complain all you want about predictability, but kids are the type of viewers who will be new to this experience, despite if it's one that is done to death. Which is why this is solid B of an episode if you ask me.

“Something Ventured, Someone Framed”: Can people please stop shipping Gus with Mattholomule? Because that slimy, greasy, weaselly little son of A BASTARD BITCH WEASEL DOES NOT DESERVE LOVE IN WAY POSSIBLE!

...

But enough about how Mattholomule is the worst character ever, because "Something Ventured, Someone Framed" is a B+ in my opinion. Sure it shows the worst side of Gus and lets Satan's little herpe win in the end, but there is still quality to be had. We get insight into who Gus is as a character, on top of Eda swallowing her pride and cleaning the school so Luz can get into Hexide. Also, Eda's permanent record was the first time this show brought me to tears due to laughing so hard. So while I have to take points off for the inclusion of Mattholomule (I don't make the rules. I just live by them), this is still an episode I wouldn't mind revisiting.

“Escape of the Palisman”: I subscribe to this theory that Luz will one day have Eda's staff as her own. And episodes like this that strengthen the bond between Luz and Owlbert help confirm that theory. Luz's dedication to trying to make things right could just be part of her kind nature, but I like to believe that this is Dana and the crew trying to set up this possible outcome. As for what I think about the episode itself...it's ok. Again, Luz's dedication is nice to see, and King's adventure with Owl Beast Eda is somehow insanely adorable, but there's not really much to say other than that. So it's another B episode for me.

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And that’s the end of part one! Part two has probably already been posted by the time you finish this, so you can go ahead and find that if you’re interested.

#the owl house #the owl house review #what i thought about

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star-trekkin-across-theuniverse · 4 years ago

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Five minutes with Steve

You sat in the cluttered living room, coaching Morgan through her morning lessons. There’d never been a question of Morgan Stark going to a public school, but after the death of her father and now a global pandemic, Pepper was having nothing to do with sending the last piece of Tony she had put into the great big world to get some illness that might kill or disable her.

Her worries were your benefit. You’d been hired to tutor Morgan, and there was no question the little girl was the product of two intelligent minds. She powered through lessons with a speed that would be reckless and careless in a child half as intelligent.

You’d struggled to find anything she was bad at, something that would slow her down, and nothing had stuck until you’d started art classes. Art was your specialty, particularly water colour and you took great pleasure in creating, and great relaxation in the process of blending colours. Morgan’s brain didn’t work in the slow lane, and art classes with you were fraught with frustration, and sometimes tears, as you challenged her to slow down and find the joy in creation.

Enter Steve Rogers. You’d heard that Cap hadn’t come back from his last mission, choosing to stay in the past, but that had apparently been a ruse designed to give him the retirement he deserved. You nearly died of shock when he strolled into the living room one morning like he owned the place.

“Cap?” You squeaked. Morgan shrieked and leapt to her feet, throwing her arms around the tall man

“Uncle Steve!” He’d looked over her head and winked at you, sending you into a tizzy - he was so handsome, you could feel your heart racing

“MegaMorgan! Your mom tells me you’re giving your teacher a hard time with art.” He spun her up into his arms and kissed her cheek. “Your uncle Steve went to art school before he joined the army, you know.”

“Want to see my scenery? We’re doing landscapes right now,” Morgan asked as he put her back on the floor. She ran to the art cupboard before he could answer.

“Cap, I thought -“

“Just Steve. Sam is taking on the Cap role now,” he corrected. “I had planned to stay behind, I even spent a little time with Peggy. But it didn’t feel right.”

“When did you get back?” Your voice cracked a little.

“About a month ago,” he replied.

“I see,” you nodded. You’d held no illusions about the one night you’d spent with him, during the snap. You’d both been alone and hurting and it had seemed right at the time, but soon after that, everything had changed again and he was gone.

“Imagine my surprise, after looking all over for you, to discover you were Morgan’s tutor,” he laughed.

“What?” You asked.

“I’ve been in and out of the house probably a dozen times this month, and missed you every time. It wasn’t until Pepper told me how you were working on art with Morgan that I finally clued in that you were you. It makes sense, with your background. I should have just asked Pepper sooner, I guess.” He shook his head.

“You were looking for me?” You asked, confusion on your brow. You remembered Morgan absently, and looked around the room for her, only to see Pepper ushering her into the kitchen for a snack.

“I came back for you,” he nodded.

“After one night?” You were astonished.

“We had been working together for months!” He exclaimed. “All I needed one night to confirm how I felt.”

“And then you went back to Peggy.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, and you couldn’t look at him.

“I did. We visited. She’s happy. I could have stayed but I’m so different now, and -“

“But you love her,” you interrupted.

“I did. Once upon a time, years ago,” he admitted. “But I fell in love with you, too. And I couldn’t stay away.”

“What?” You couldn’t process what he was saying.

“I love you. I came back because I couldn’t imagine my life without you. I retired the shield because I saw what Peg has and I want that, but I want it with you. I want to grow old with you, and have kids, and watch you teach them like you’re teaching Morgan,” he let it out in a rush of words. “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner. I’m sorry I left you at all.”

“I’m feeling a little overwhelmed,” you admitted, and felt tears prickling at the corners of your eyes. He stepped forward, and made like he would take you in his arms and then paused. You stepped into his arms and accepted the comfort of his embrace. “I missed you. And I thought you were gone forever. And then you weren’t but you didn’t come to see me for so long and I thought it was nothing -“

“My love, you are everything,” he whispered into your hair.

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fashionfoodforthesoul · 5 years ago

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Using Self-Quarantine to Practice Self-Care

With COVID-19 slowing down our way of life, it is important to use this time of isolation to do some soul searching. While this pandemic is tragically affecting our global citizens, it makes room for long moments of self-reflection. You are most-likely going to be spending a good deal of time alone, so you should get to know yourself a bit better. Here are a few ways to fill the silence:

1. Read a book. It may seem obvious, silly, or even boring, but it is a great use of time. If you are a student like myself, then it is important to keep yourself educated and sharp. Read books that intrigue you and push your thinking. This is a perfect time to read a book that you aren’t forced to read. A few on my book list are:

It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini

Educated by Tara Westover

Just Kids by Patti Smith

If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin

History is all You Left Me by Adam Silvera

Happy reading!

2. Go on a walk. Staying in the house all day helps no one. Make sure you take at least 1 10-minute walk a day. If you have a dog, take them outside a little more than usual. Breathe the fresh air. It makes a world of a difference. It is also a great way to clear your head.

3. Listen to a Podcast. Part of living in a pandemic means staying informed. Spotify Podcasts such as “The Daily” or “The Journal” allow you to get valuable facts, as well as stay up to date, on the world around you. “BBC One Minute” gives you a 1-minute recap on the news if you are not up for a long segment. Some other podcasts that aren’t so serious that I love on Spotify are “Modern Love” if you are into short stories, “My Favorite Murder” if you enjoy true crime, “Life Kit” if you want a few lessons in adulting, and “Call Her Daddy” if you want something a bit more risqué (wink wink).

4. Arts and Crafts! Buy a coloring book, some cool pens, and have at it! Coloring or drawing can be a great stress reliever. Put on some tunes and let the beautiful colors take you away. You could even try something new like knitting, crochet, or embroidery. The sky is the limit!

5. One word: music. One of my resolutions for 2020 was to ditch pop music- and I’m never going back. Find some cool new artists that aren’t on the radio. I promise you’ll fall in love with them. Additionally, make some new playlists, or manage the old one that you have. Some new artists that I’ve just discovered are BROCKHAMPTON, SG Lewis, Sinead Harnett, Raveena, and Emotional Oranges.

6. CLEAN. YOUR. SPACE. Clean the space that you will be living in because you will most likely be spending more time than usual there. Declutter and disinfect the area that you will be sleeping, living, and working in. Nothing will drive you crazier than a messy space.

7. Give yourself a spa day. paint your nails, do a face mask, exfoliate, do a hair mask, take a hot bath. Take this time to pamper yourself. You deserve to destress in this stressful time. Make yourself a priority.

8. Keep up with you mental and physical wellness. Go to sleep at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning. Plan your day the night before. Though gyms may not be open, keep your fitness a top priority. Work out three times a week minimum. Do yoga in your home, do no-equipment workouts, take a run. Do anything that will get your heart rate up. Please eat well. Nothing will make you feel worse than crappy food. Eat a balanced diet each day- maybe oatmeal and some protein for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and any other whole food for dinner. Be sure to eat your fruits and veggies throughout the day. And, of course, treat yourself! Keep a chocolate stash for “emergencies”. Get dressed each day even if you are not going anywhere. Nothing feels more bleh than staying in pajamas all day. STAY. HYDRATED. Make sure you drink a liter of water each day. Give yourself daily affirmations. We will all get through this. I know this period of isolation, as well as the pandemic in general, could trigger many people. To my beautiful humans dealing mental illness, take it day by day. This too shall pass.

9. Keep up with your target language, or maybe try a new one. I’m pretty far along with my Spanish studies, but I definitely have some brushing up to do. Use this time to keep up with your proficiency. Or maybe you could try a new language. This is the perfect way to keep your mind sharp and just as active as your body. Buena Suerte! (That’s so embarrassing if that is wrong lol)

10. Try poetry. I know it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I’ve been loving my exploration of this art form. “Button Poetry” on Youtube is great for beginners like myself. I enjoy hearing it and reading it, rather than writing. But I’m sure one day I will have the courage to write my own. Helium by Rudy Francisco and Pillow Thoughts by Courtney Peppernell are two poetry books I’ve been loving.

I’m wishing all of my followers and beyond a happy and healthy 2020. This is only temporary, everyone! There is no need for panic. Breathe. We’ve got this!

#coronavirus #corona virus #2020 #covid_19 #self care #self quarantine #social distancing #self reflection

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big-anime-energy · 4 years ago

Note

23-30 you coward

23: unpopular character you love

Homura from Sekirei

24: Popular Character you hate

Pegasus from Yugioh can CATCH THESE FUCKING HANDS

25: anime id recommend to someone who hates anime

If im being serious, pokemon is a good entry into the anime world, would also go for the ghost stories dub bc its funny as fuck. If im being memey ill make them hate anime for good, by recommending you know what lmao

26: manga I've read all the way through

Uh thats a long list, despite the contents of this blog I'm a bigger fan of manga overall. I'll give you my most recent finished one, Kimetsu no Yaiba.

27: anime you plan to watch in the future

Annother long ass list :/ uh im gonna watch Orenchi no Furo Jijo on my next night off

28: the most upsetting moment in anime, why?

Do you want a top ten list of anime moments that made me upset? Bc I can do that bro. If not, Nina Tucker, shit fucks me up real bad.

29: Anime that deserves annother season

Sword Art Online obviously.

No no im kidding lmao, Monster Musume is one id like to see more from because the story isn't finished in the anime

30: one anime conclusion i would change

Oh theres a couple, but one ending thats bothered me for a while now is Soul Eaters ending

#kandi rambles

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ljfeed-spn-j2-bigbang · 4 years ago

Text

2020 Master List

Here is the 2020 masterlist. If you see any errors, please let me know.

Extreme thanks to

firesign10 for coding the list again this year! We all owe them a huge debt of gratitude!

Jared/Jensen

Stacks of Green Paper in His Red Right Hand

Link to Art: Here

Author: zara_zee

Artist: bluefire986

Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen

Genre: SPN RPF - Slash, Dark Romance, Action-thriller. Crime.

Word Count: 30K

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: References to child abuse. Organized crime. BDSM. Kink. Violence. Part of the Hellspawn 'verse

Summary: Life has never been better for Jared and Jensen. Business is booming. The challenges for control of the Californian underworld appear to have stopped. They have an awesome new house and an ever growing family of misfits and outlaws. Jensen’s even trying to quit smoking.

And then Jensen’s father drops a bombshell that makes Jared bench Jensen from everything but their ‘honest’ earnings. Jensen hates his new restrictions, but with so much on the line, he can’t argue with them—not until a friend of the Club is in danger and Jensen’s the only one who can help. And then he can’t just sit it out. Right?

Headstrong

Link to Art:Here

Author: fufuraw

Artist: yanyan

Pairing(s): Jared and Jensen

Genre: Gen

Word Count: 21,228

Rating: PG

Warnings: Were transformations

Summary: Jared learns about his family and his background. Jensen and the Bell Creek Pack are there to support him as he learns to navigate a world he never expected to have to live in.

On Your Way

Link to Art: Here

Author: zubeneschamali

Artist: quickreaver

Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen

Genre: SPN RPS

Word Count: 47,391

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: none

Summary: Jared's got a YouTube channel where he chronicles his attempt to run a half marathon in every U.S. state and all of the sights he sees along the way. Jensen's got a YouTube channel where he records his adventures in minimalist backpacking, taking to the most scenic places he can find with the least equipment he can carry. When both of them enter a competition for the best travel video blog—where the winner gets their own Netflix show—they'll have to decide if the growing attraction between them is more important than who wins the competition…

The Prophecy

Link to Art: Here

Author: tammyrenh

Artist: tx_dora

Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen

Genre: SPN RPS

Word Count: 25174

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: none

Summary: There is an old prophecy that involves an omega with magic ability far greater than has ever been seen before. Jared, a royal omega about to be given away to a very not-nice prince, decides to choose one thing for himself - who to give his virginity to. This act results in major consequences for both Jared and Jensen - including a pregnancy that shouldn’t be possible, magic that saves them and places them in danger, a voyage across the sea, sword fights, an evil prince, and, above all, the fierce love that binds Jared, Jensen and their unborn child together.

Freedom

Link to Art: Here

Author: sanshal

Artist: cherie_morte

Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen

Genre: SPN RPS

Word Count: 30,853

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Dystopian AU, Slave!Jared, Master!Jensen, Nudity, Collar, Sexual training- (prostate milking, object insertion, chastity, Punishment/spanking etc.), Brain-washing, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Kids, Divorce, Mentions of depression, Crying, Alcohol abuse. Protective Jensen. The story is not as dark as the warning make it appear, however, please do read them carefully (as there are instances of them in the fic) and if you feel that you may be triggered, please be careful.

Summary: A new law comes into play which calculates an individual’s income and expenditure and if one fails to meet a particular ‘standard’, they are indentured till they can work off the difference by working for ‘sponsors’.

Jared fails to meet the ‘standard’.

Metaphysical Inc

Link to Art: Here

Author: blackrabbit42

Artist: beelikej

Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen

Genre: SPN RPF AU

Word Count: 21K

Rating: R

Warnings:

Summary: Loosely inspired by Monsters, Inc. Jensen works for the Life Department, Jared works for the Death Division. When they accidentally bring a live human baby into the metaphysical world, they need to work against the forces of Time and Fate, as well as that little shit from Chaos, Misha, to return baby Bee to her rightful place in the human world. Doing so might involve sacrifices and changes neither of them ever imagined.

The Rose Hidden Among the Thorns

Link to Art: Here

Author: backrose_17

Artist: 2blueshoes

Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen

Genre: SPN RPF AU

Word Count: 22,110

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: A/B/O, mpreg and cheating

Summary: Mob Boss Jensen Ackles is done with the thorn in his side FBI Agent Stephen Amell and he goes after Stephen's one true weakness, his loyal boyfriend Jared Padalecki. Jared has always known that Stephen's life is a dangerous one but he never expected to be drawn into a web of seduction and danger or learn secrets that Stephen has been keeping from him.

Master, Be My Slave

Link to Art: jdl71 Here

Link to Art: dun Here

Author: wincestwhore (Hunter King)

Artist: jdl71 and dun

Pairing(s): Jared/Jensen

Genre: SPF AU

meus_venator

phoenix1966

paleogymnast

aggiedoll

cherie_morte

bostonleigh (velvet-impala)

tcs1121

bluefire986

dwimpala21

candygramme and

spoonlessone

emmatheslayer

jdl71

dwimpala21

anniespinkhouse

amberdreams

junkerin

emmatheslayer

tsuki_no_bara

beelikej

dugindeep

cassiopeia7

kelleigh

blondebitz

nerdypastrychef

kaelysta

merenwen76

m14mouse

annie46

mangacat201

roxymissrose

phoenix1966

amypond45

siennavie

firesign10

a_dean_girl

smalltrolven

kaelysta

runedgirl

amberdreams

nyxocity

swan_song21

jalu2

paperbackwriter

kelios

tx_devilorangel

ameraleigh

amberdreams

whiskygalore

liliaeth

raving_liberal

m14mouse

#supernatural #J2 #big bang #spn-j2-bigbang #livejournal #fanworks

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jokerownsmysoul · 5 years ago

Text

kindred spirits

Headcanons: how Arthur behaves with animals and the way he loves them

Warnings: mention of mental illness (just one sentence though)

Word count: 1662

A/N: Arthur x animals makes me so soooft <333 I was so inspired that I wrote it right away so I hope it's not that bad lmaoo

Tag list: @arthurflecksgirl

A/N: english isn’t my first language so I apologize for any typos, I’m still learning.

Arthur is a animal loving and pet friendly.

He is one of those people who wouldn’t kill any living being for anything in the world, not even bugs, contrary to what many people would do. He would think that they don’t deserve to suffer.

He would love every living being and he wouldn’t try to kill them because he knows what it’s like to feel pain, therefore he would take care literally of each of them.

He knows what it’s like to be hurt for no reason, just because he was born in a certain way and with a certain less lucky appearance than others. He knows how it feels to be trampled without guilt, just because people are scared of him, they don’t want to understand him and the only think that they can do is to see him as a freak, unaware of that he didn’t ask to be born like that, he didn’t ask to suffer or struggle with a mental illness. He knows how it feels to be shunned for being born in a way everyone finds repulsive, to live in a skin that was only given to him and by which he cannot free himself, just like everyone else.

He knows what it’s like because people don’t try to understand him better. If they did, if they only tried to tiptoe into his mind and listen to his thoughts and stop moving away from him, they would discover that inside this emaciated skin and under his unregulated walk and his feet heavy as rocks there is a magical universe waiting for nothing but to be able to spread its magic in the world.

He doesn’t know the dynamics of a relationship, but he knows the art of loving. He loves naturally and genuinely.

He loves in an innate way and therefore he would love animals equally without distinction, without concern for the species, just like he’d love every human being no matter their race, ethnicity, age or their skin color, like a child who gets along with everyone.

As obvious and corny as it is to say it, he would be one of those people who love animals more than they could ever love people.

Before you no one has ever loved him, not even his mother has ever treated him as he deserves, so you would be the only person in the world to be able to savor the taste of his love, which he’d like to give only to you in its wholeness.

On days when he feels so lonely, he would find solace in the stray animals he would encounter on his way home.

Every time he comes across a stray cat hiding behind a dumpster, he recognizes himself in this small kitten whose body is too thin, weak, unloved, left in a dispersed alley of a cruel city, just like it happens to him when he gets beaten and a bunch of kids leave him bleeding to the ground on one of those dark, scary streets, on the same dispersed alley inhabited by this unlucky stray cat.

If he met a starving puppy along the way the tiredness he’d feel under his skin and up to the bones after a day of work would be totally forgotten. Instead, he’d go to the nearest store, he’d buy some food to feed the puppy and give him the care and the energy this cat deserves and needs, knowing that in a cruel city like Gotham no one gave him food until then and, truth be told, no one would ever be concerned in anything beyond their ego, let alone paying attention to a puppy walking down an anonymous street and lifeless; the same lack of life of this puppy would be reflected in his own life.

It’s because of these scenarios that he would think animals are more like him than he’d ever imagine, and in these moments when he feels so alone in need of some kind of warmth, he would find comfort in their soft and unloved bodies, which need love and care, a home to feel happy and a warm meal. He would see all this in their lives and recognize himself in each of them as if each puppy and each species were a mirror that reflects all the cruelty of a world that hurts not only people like him, but also innocent animals.

He would take care of every animal and never hurt them.

If he saw a spider in the house, instead of killing him as many people would, he would put it on a piece of paper and take it out of the apartment, back to the nature. If he got bitten by a mosquito he would open the windows, waiting for it to leave the house by itself. If he saw a mouse in the kitchen he'd never kill it, he'd take it out the apartment gently. He knows that this little mouse is innocent and scared of him just like he’s scared of the world.

He’d love to hold ladybugs on his hand, allowing them to trace his fingers with their little, tiny, breakable legs, inspecting his skin and let them to tickle his calloused fingers. He wouldn’t chase them away,instead, he’d wait for them to fly away by themselves. He would observe their colors illuminated by sunlight, he would study their moves to understand how they behave and learn their language better.

He would be very curious and he would love to understand how animals communicate with each other, he would love to spend his time looking at bugs or any kind of animal for hours without ever getting tired, he would like to know as much as possible this part of the world of which we know so little.

By understanding their language he himself would feel better understood. Seeing that it’s possible for a person to understand the language of an animal species would bring him the hope that, perhaps, is not impossible for him to run into a person who would have the desire to understand him as he wants to understand animals, and who actually could understand him.

He wouldn’t be uncomfortable noticing a bug walking on his clothes. He would feel honored, actually, at the thought that a bug chose his own clothes on which to walk, that a bug chose him over others. He’s so deprived of affection that even the simplest gesture of such a small living being would make him happy and would make him feel seen and wanted.

He would love the natural, carefree and instinctive way animals love each other and every human, even those who harm them.

He would smile every time he hears a bird singing because birds have music inside their soul just like him.

In fact, whenever he hears the song of a bird he would love to dance with in the background the slight chirping of a bird leaning against the window of the living room, or the remote singing of a swallow which at that moment is crossing his way home scattering this sweet melody inside each apartment.

No one would notice the little bird walking through these apartments, no one except Arthur. He would be fascinated by the thought that a swallow knows the right time to go away, living a place to go back home. He would be fascinated to know where this swallow is headed and he would also feel even a bit of envy thinking that this swallow is lucky enough to leave a city so cruel where there is no place for the sweet singing of a bird.

He would daydream of being himself a bird and being able to go away, somewhere far away in search of his one and only person, having the chance to fly light in a sky that was his safe haven when, as a child, he raised his eyes and looked at the clouds to defeat the pain inside him. He would daydream of hovering in the air and seeing the city from above, feeling disconnected from every chain, and probably seen from up there Gotham would look even less cruel.

With his head turned upwards and his eyes extended towards the sky he’d wonder where he would go if only he had wings.

A smile would paint his face when the thought of going to California would make room in the depths of his mind, warming his heart and erasing the frost he feels every time no one shows him kindness, where he gets more and more aware that Gotham is a city to run away from and never come back.

If only he had wings he would go to California, sharing its beaches and magical landscapes with the love of his life, sitting on the seashore telling each other’s dreams and hopes, the ones Gotham buried in the slums of its dark streets.

But they can now be unearthed in a place where everything seems to be possible, where there are no chains anymore corroding his ankles or cruelty ripping his wings off, preventing him from taking flight.

Yeah, he’d definitely go to California.

With you, or in search of you.

He would love to dance to the rhythm of the song of a bird twirling in every space of the apartment, pretending that his arms, twirling in the sparkling air of a place he wants to forget, are the wings he has always dreamed of having; taking flight to the discovery of love and of his one and only person, whom existence he knows exists somewhere and really wants to find.

But after he finds you he would know he’s always had wings, he only needed your love to be able to unfold them in their feathery majesty and finally, finally, to be able to fly with you, like two swallows in a flock that even if two distinct soul fly together, side by side.

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