#these just keep getting less and less detailed

[thefrogman]

So... I'm the porn photography nerd guy now.

And a lot of people are happy to hear I am not dead.

I have not stopped posting in over a decade, but I sort of retired from the viral comedy I used to make, so I guess it makes sense that people haven't seen me around as much.

My personal tumblr is @sirfrogsworth where I post more frequently. And I have a photography Instagram here. But I promise I am still alive.

ANYWAY...

This post has made me think deeply about porn lighting.

And I thought even deeply-er about how I would actually light a porn.

I think it would be an interesting challenge but the one time I took a topless photo I was uncomfortable the entire time. I suppose that is something I'd have to get used to with experience, but I'm generally more interested in other types of photography.

But light is light, and I am always happy to help people get better results. I've even thought about starting a consulting business where I help people pick out lighting and gear and advise them how best to use it for their circumstances. I think there are a lot of small creators who could seriously up their production value with a small investment and some knowledge. YouTubers, streamers, and OF models who want an edge.

I'll try to give some general advice in this post. But if anyone is interested in a more specific solution, feel free to message me.

This post is about lighting entire bodies.

Quick review...

Large light source = soft light.

Small light source = hard light.

You can make a light larger by moving it closer, adding a modifier (softbox/umbrella), or bouncing it off a surface.

You make the light smaller by moving it farther away, adding a reflector, a grid, or a snoot.

Most lighting is designed for faces and maybe torsos. But when you need to light entire people, you are going to need more than a ring light. Ideally, you are going to want a light source at least as big as what you want to light. You'll notice a ring light is a little bigger than a face. A beauty dish covers head and shoulders. An octobox is roughly the size of a torso. After that, modifiers can get large and unwieldy, so you may have to think about bouncing light off walls and ceilings.

I was going to show some examples, but then I realized Tumblr would give me the naughty tag for this post. So I'll try to be creative about keeping this safe for work.

First, let's quickly expand on why ring lights are not ideal for photos and videos of entire bodies that are... comingling.

Ring lights are not bad. They were just designed to do something very specific. In the beginning, they were actually used by dentists to help photograph teeth without any shadows obstructing the view.

The magic of a ring light is shining light from all directions from the camera's POV in order to get a shadowless effect. You also get circle catchlights in the eyes which some people enjoy.

In order for this to work, the camera needs to be in the hole, and the light needs to be close enough to be directional.

The inverse square law says that when you move a light farther away, all of the photons start to spread out. Imagine a donut expanding inward. Eventually the hole in the middle closes up. It becomes no different than any other light at that distance. And since it has that hole in the middle, there is less surface area casting light.

Depending on the size of the ring light, you're only going to get those special, shadowless lighting properties for a head and chest photo. You might be able to get the boobies within the effect if you have a larger ring light, but it is mostly meant for faces.

Just to compare...

Ring light on the face, close up, with camera in the hole...

Ring light far away, off to the side, camera not in the hole...

You can see her. She is lit. But that ring light "magic" is no longer happening.

It's less flattering.

"Flattering" in the photography world just means that detail and textures are going to be less prominent. Flattering light is not inherently good or bad. If you want to show off a cool pattern or texture, or even a grizzled old man's face, you might actually want a hard light look. Hard light can also be very dramatic and boost contrast, but you may need heavy makeup or flawless skin (or just retouch it afterwards).

Small, hard light causes dark, crisp shadows. Think about what a wrinkle is. A fold in your skin causing a shadow. Think about what a pore is. A pit in your skin causing a shadow. The darker these shadows, the more apparent they are in the photo.

You can even enhance this effect by using "raking" light. Which is just hard light at a steep angle.

If you imagine this was a face or acne scarring or cellulite or a throbbing, veiny bicep, this might look rather unflattering.

Raking light is still useful in a lot of applications. Art conservators use raking light to analyze brush strokes on paintings.

So all types of light can be used for something cool, but unflattering light usually isn't ideal for skin without expertise on how to leverage it.

The good news... if you use your ring light straight on, even from a distance, you can minimize the crisp, hard shadows in places you don't want them. The more raking or off-axis the light, the more flaws will be exaggerated.

You can also attach a cheap shoot-through umbrella to enlarge the light source and soften it.

The bad news... small far away lights increase specular reflections. If you have shiny skin, this may cause big spots of glare. It can also reflect harshly off moisture. And if you are hot and sweaty... for reasons... you might end up looking a little rough.

John Mulaney discovered this when he gave an outdoor speech in front of a distant spotlight.

People thought he was back on drugs.

Nope!

It was just a warm night and hard light reflects sweat and moisture very intensely.

The next day under soft studio lights, he either sobered up overnight...

Or people sometimes fail to realize just how much lighting can affect one's appearance. (This was during a rehearsal so he wasn't even wearing makeup yet.)

Soft light is flattering because it reduces and fills in shadows and evens out specular highlights.

Many people think diffused light is soft light. But any large light source will produce soft light. Diffusion is just a tool to help create a larger light source.

But if you put diffusion on a tiny light...

It ain't going to be soft.

People also assume that soft, flattering light is "better" and that isn't always the case. Sometimes soft light is kinda boring.

The hard light photo is much more interesting and dramatic, but you can already see how much shinier her forehead is. If her photo was taken with hard light directly after... sweaty activities... it would probably not be as appealing.

And that is why most pornography is blasted with soft light.

If you actually ignore the porn and pay attention to the quality of the lighting, it is usually pretty boring and flat. But it is very soft and very shadowless.

I call this "sitcom lighting."

Light is blasted everywhere from all directions. Sitcoms did this because they needed every place on the set to have adequate lighting for every camera position.

I suspect porn adopted sitcom lighting for two reasons.

1.) Porn directors want you to be able to see *everything* very clearly no matter what angle they point the camera. No body part is to be mired in shadow.

2.) If you blast light from every direction, you get a super ring light effect where all shadows are minimal. So wrinkles, pores, veins, sweat, moisture are all reduced. It's super flattering but a little dull.

This is accomplished in a few ways.

Have you ever noticed a lot of higher budget porn videos take place in nice rented houses with a ton of windows?

Ted Cruz knows what I'm talking about.

That's because all of that window lighting is essentially one big light source.

Imagine those windows as softboxes. You are just filling the room with soft sunlight. But if you actually go outside, the sun becomes a small light source with harsh shadows. You need the windows to "modify" the light and make it large and homogenous.

So if you have access to a space with a lot of windows and you don't mind being naked in front of them, you're all set to porn.

The next technique is to just use huge softboxes and umbrellas all around the room.

This is my 7 foot umbrella that I got for under a hundred bucks.

I mainly use it for outdoor lighting.

But, I mean... it'd be great for other stuff too.

And then there is bouncing light. This is how you get truly huge light sources. You can shoot lights into walls or up into the ceiling. This is especially good for videos in bed.

You can combine window lights, giant umbrellas, and bounce lights if you want.

I was watching a Gerald Undone video where he toured the Gamers Nexus studio. Steve clearly didn't know anything about lighting. And so he just put lights EVERYWHERE from every direction.

He accidentally porn lit his studio.

One difference you might notice between Steve and the young woman who is innocently talking on the phone and definitely not about to have sex with her stepbrother...

She seems a little more... smooth.

A little less... 4K.

Enter soft focus filters!

Soft focus is sometimes called the Vaseline effect or the Barbara Walters effect.

This is a filter you can put on your lens to knock the detail back a bit. It keeps everything in focus, but smooths out the edges a bit.

An optical Facetune, if you will.

It tends to look a little more organic and authentic than digital smoothing. But you have to pick the right strength or you will end up making everyone seem like they are glowing like Barbara.

If I am being honest, I don't really like standard porn lighting. But it is hard to suggest something better. Video is just difficult to light artistically without a budget and a lighting expert. When you look at how movies are lit behind the scenes, you can see how complicated it can get.

So I'm afraid I can't give specific advice on how to artistically light porn. It depends on the room and the vibe and what gear you have to work with.

The best I can do is to advise you to get a very large light source as your main light. If you don't have a large white wall or ceiling, you'll want a 7 foot umbrella or the biggest softbox you can afford. And then I would add backlighting. I think that is the element a lot of porn is missing. Shining light from behind and creating nice highlights can really elevate things. You can even make the lights part of the video.

Erotic still photography is a little easier to pull off without much experience.

There are two popular forms of boudoir photography.

There is dramatic side lighting as you can see with this pussy.

And there is more environmental erotica where you decorate a room like a theater set or find a fancy hotel.

So you can make the lighting cool or the environment cool. Or both.

But if you don't have good lighting and you don't have a cool environment, there is one more aspect that can improve your nudes.

Angles and posing.

I'm afraid this is a concept lost on a lot of straight men—as demonstrated by Reece in this dick pic parody.

Finding good angles and choosing good poses can often overcome bad lighting. The easiest thing to do is copy someone else. Find a pose you like and try to recreate it.

And learn how to take pictures without holding your phone. Get a tripod or a phone stand. There are very few sexy poses you can accomplish when you are tethered to your phone. And if you move the phone a little farther away, you can avoid distortion as well.

And now for my most important advice...

NO MACRO PHOTOS OF YOUR JUNK.

If a doctor could diagnose a medical condition, it's too close.

Most people enjoy seeing nude photos in the context of your entire... you. Your eyes, your smile, your belly, and your various private areas.

Unless the intended audience is specifically into detached, close up photos of your bits and holes, it is usually best to keep things zoomed out. Communicate and verify before shoving a camera between your legs.

I'm just saying, when I can see past someone's asterisk directly into their colon... my light gets soft.

None of this answers the question... how would I light porn?

I'd probably delve into experimental lighting. There is this lighting technique where you put a black background directly behind your subject and block the light so it can only peek around the sides. It creates this perfect outline of whatever you are photographing.

This is my pocket knife sitting on top of a light.

And then in post processing, you just expand the black to the edges of the frame.

I want to try and upscale this effect to work on humans.

Okay, that's a lie.

I mostly want to try it on fuzzy cats.

But naked humans might also look cool.

And I'm just imagining if I were to make a video of two people... wrestling... it would look like two human shaped outlines were merging and separating in all kinds of interesting ways.

So the people would just kinda look like this, but it would be an in-camera effect.

I dunno, I think that would be cool.

If you want to learn more about light...

This is a really cool post I wrote about the Inverse Square Law. I know it sounds mathmatical and complicated, but I promise it is not. And it will help you improvise lighting solutions with a lot less trial and error.

In this post I explain more about hard and soft light. I also go more in depth about ring lights and what to do if you already bought one.

And in this post I recommend pro lights as well as budget lights and even some DIY lighting solutions.

In that post I link to a big round streamer light, but it is for the white version, which is not in stock yet. The black version is available right now.

I hope some of this was enlightening.

Go forth and porn.

Ironically, hard light is bad for recording sexy time.

It will highlight every pore, every vein, every wrinkle on your nutsack.

One day I will end this ring light fad. It is my ultimate side quest.

[cheol-e-kat]

𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐟𝐭 𝐤.𝐦𝐠

pairing: kim mingyu x f!reader

semi-side-pairing: reader and seungcheol have an on-and-off friends with benefits relationship that has ended

summary: you’ve known mingyu since college, and after he stood you up in second year, you’ve never gotten along - good thing you’re stuck sharing a room at a destination wedding party.

And when you do try to get away from one another - too bad that you both decide to go on a long hike, get rained on, and stuck in yet another room with only one bed.

genre: only one bed, enemies to lovers, forced proximity, mentioned fake dating, second chance, slow burn, yes - everyone is an attorney - sorry

word count: 11.5k

if you want to read this broken into chapters, here it is on ao3

warnings: explicit language, mentioned smut (not described in detail), foreplay, mentioned drinking , mentioned therapy

[ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲 ]

“Seriously, why did they decide this was a destination-level thing,” you complained to Seungcheol from the passenger’s seat. 

You were driving to a B&B like seven hours from the city because your friends were hosting a weekend for the wedding party. It was meant to be nothing but rest and relaxation. And like two very normal people with very normal schedules that didn’t at all prevent a social life, you’d agreed to be Seungcheol’s fake date for the weekend and probably for the wedding too. 

“Because they think it’s cute and a nice way to thank their friends for showing up to all this wedding shit,” he mumbled. 

You laughed, knowing he would rather be in his apartment rewatching some sad movie and texting a certain someone than driving to the mountains for the one weekend he’d requested off in four months. 

And you - you would be happier doing literally anything. Because for you, there was one major problem with the weekend. The wedding party included one person you had carefully cut out of your life since college and law school. And this weekend meant you couldn’t avoid him. 

You chewed your lip lightly, staring out the window. “You know we have that filing deadline, right?”

“I’m not working this weekend,” he said it like he was manifesting the end times, “I’m playing golf with people who couldn’t care less about what firm I’m at, and I’m drinking whatever I want, and I don’t care that we’re sharing a room because we’ve both seen each other naked enough times that to be honest you’re like the furniture to me, so I have no impediments, just me and golf and liquor that isn’t clear,” he said it so seriously. 

You couldn’t help but laugh. “So, come next week, I should expect to see you looking very hung over and miserable during mediation?”

He nodded. “Fuck yes, you should,” he said with a grin. 

You hummed in response. “Definitely on that partner track, aren’t you?” 

“Shut up - at least I’m not trying to hide behind work because I can’t get along with others,” he shot back. 

You stared with wide eyes, “Oh, don’t even start that!” You snapped. 

He was still grinning. “You know it’s true - you can’t play nice with Mingyu, and”—

You cut him off. “No, no, excuse me - I can’t get along, me? no - he can’t get the fuck over some shit from like Freshman year, that’s not my problem,” you said adamantly. 

Seungcheol nodded. “Umhm, right, we both know it was sophomore year, and you’ve never escalated whatever it is in any way, like I don’t know, throwing a drink in his face?” He asked, still grinning like a fucking idiot. 

“You’re such a bitch - don’t bring that up,” you said, swatting his arm. “The whole point of us coming together is no one asks either of us about our personal lives, you know - as in you don’t have to explain that clerk for the district court you keep happening to see every Saturday…” you trailed off suggestively. 

He pursed his lips. “Fine, I won’t say anything about Mingyu, and you don’t mention him.”

You laughed. “You should have just marked plus one, I don’t think anyone cares,” you said, genuinely meaning it. 

Like all of his friends, you just wanted Seungcheol to be happy. Besides, Jeonghan was the only person you’d ever seen Seungcheol truly lose his mind over. They were insanely cute together. 

And you hadn’t spent any amount of time helping Seungcheol with his texting game - he literally ran almost every message by you for a month. If he were anyone else, you would have pushed him out a window. But he wasn’t, so you had helped.

He sighed. “Are you really going to work?”

You shrugged. “It’s a good, plausible excuse. Besides, the only thing I’m really into are the massages anyway. So, that leaves what, 70 hours of free time that could be billable?” You asked with a snort. 

“Fuck, you actually are thinking about the partnership shit, aren’t you?” He asked, glancing over. 

You gave a shrug. You hadn’t been, but then you won a few pitches, and the cases had blown up. Now all the talks felt a lot more serious. “Maybe,” you said with a groan. 

You were quiet for a moment. “So is Mingyu bringing someone?” 

Seungcheol snorted. “Seriously, why couldn’t you wait until after we were there to ask?”

You stared at him. “What? Why?”

“Because now I owe Jeonghan dinner and the satisfaction of knowing he maybe knows my friend better than I do, apparently.” 

You laughed. “Oh my god, you should just start planning where you two are registering now.”

Seungcheol shook his head. “If I say stuff like that - I can’t say stuff like that, we’ve barely dated,” he mumbled. 

You shook your head. “So silly, just buy him flowers and an insane ring and ask him to be Kkuma’s other dad,” you said with a smile. 

You did actually mean it. Even if you had a history with Seungcheol, something you’d made him promise to tell his new beau about in full. 

You’d been friends with benefits at various times and were even fairly intense about one another a few times. 

But now, you were just friends. 

You had known that just by the way Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan, anyone with eyes would know that literally no one else could mean as much to Seungcheol. No one else stood a chance. 

He shook his head. “Just, please don’t throw drinks or make a scene,” he mumbled. 

You sighed. “I promise to avoid him, okay, just like I have been for like two years,” you said with a roll of your eyes as you stared out the window. 

Seungcheol made a humming sound from the driver’s seat like he didn’t exactly believe you.

No matter, it was the only plan you had. And even if it meant skipping things that weekend, you really didn’t care. Because things between you and Mingyu had a tendency to escalate really quickly. You couldn’t even play beer pong with him. 

That was what Cheol was on about - the fact that what should have been a totally friendly match where you and Mingyu had been paired together had become so acrimonious that you had, in fact, thrown a pitcher of beer in his face before it ended.

Seungcheol was being nice by implying it was semi-normal and only a cup - it wasn’t a cup. It was an entire pitcher. And unlike Mingyu, you had great aim, even when you were drunk as fuck. And you could still remember the absolutely shocked look on his face, too. 

There were very real reasons you had avoided him for so long. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

“Is she really coming?” He’d asked Seungcheol when they met for lunch the week before. 

Seungcheol had rolled his eyes. “Does it matter?”

Mingyu had poked his salad and sighed. “Does she still hate me?” He tried again, thinking about how you had seemed, maybe, a bit softer around him lately. 

Mingyu was very aware of the fact that his friends were also your friends. He knew that whenever there was some Saturday when they were all busy, they were busy hanging out, he just wasn’t invited, and hadn’t been in a long time. 

But on the flip side, there were all the times they hung out with him and not with you. That was cold comfort, though, because he kind of hated the way you’d managed to cut him out of your life so easily. 

Seungcheol let out a long sigh. “Dude, are you seriously asking me about y/n? We aren’t in college anymore - if you want to talk to her, then just do it,” Seungcheol said as he stabbed pasta onto his fork. 

Mingyu swallowed hard. “I’m only asking if I should even bother, like you two are close,” he mumbled. He fully knew just how close you and Seungcheol were, too. He’d always been jealous because everything seemed so easy between you two - so easy for Seungcheol to be close to you. 

But with Mingyu, you always seemed to be on your guard. Ready to go on the defensive at the drop of a fucking feather. 

Seungcheol sighed. “It’s our friends’ wedding thing - dude, what about that says ‘let me try to work out my personal issues with someone who knows exactly how to set me off’?” He was staring hard at Mingyu. 

“I’m not - it’s”—

Seungcheol cut him off. “Look, you know she avoids you, so maybe just respect that - to her, it solves whatever issues there are between you two, okay, and I don’t have some special insight. She doesn’t talk about you, not with me, not with anyone else we know, just drop it,” he finished. 

And Mingyu didn’t press the subject. Because after that, Seungcheol’s voice just replayed in his head, ‘she doesn’t talk about you.’ He’d said it so matter-of-factly, too - his voice pointed and sharp. 

Mingyu definitely wasn’t still thinking about it that Saturday morning. He’d decided to do what Seungcheol had said: he would stay away from you. 

He was answering emails in the car on the way. Joshua and Seokmin kept telling him that he needed to unplug. 

“Seriously, Seungcheol said y/n is basically working the whole time - there can’t be two of you being completely dull,” Joshua declared. 

Mingyu sighed, “I’m trying to answer them all now, so I can shut down for the weekend,” he said with a shake of his head. 

“Good! Now, if Seungcheol can just work his magic on y/n, we can actually have a good weekend.” Seokmin added. 

Joshua laughed. “Only if a ‘good weekend’ includes seeing Mingyu and Y/n get into a bitch fight,” he said with a smirk as he glanced in the rearview window, catching Mingyu’s eye.

Mingyu just shook his head, trying to focus. He didn’t want to think about the “beer incident,” and he definitely didn’t want to think about what magic Seungcheol could possibly work on you. He would never admit how much it annoyed him that you always came to events as a couple. 

Because it wasn’t just events with friends, it was work functions, too. Your firms worked together on a lot of cases, so it was three holiday parties at the very least where he got reminded of you and Seungcheol together. 

He hated that he couldn’t just be happy for either of you. But he couldn’t. To him, you should at least be with someone who was serious about you. And that had never been the case with Seungcheol. Not in Mingyu’s mind anyway. 

He chewed his lip and kept responding to emails and chats. He just needed to keep himself distracted. Or at least that was what he thought. 

But apparently, nothing was in his favor that day. 

The B&B had some issues with booking. That was thing number one. Somehow, Mingyu didn’t have a room. And there were no extra rooms because the entire place was booked fully. 

He was trying to figure out who would maybe share with him, which was not really working since most people had a roommate already, and the majority were couples, looking to do ‘couple’ things. 

He was still texting desperately when he saw you arrive with Seungcheol. He watched as you got out, and he saw Seungcheol help with your stuff, and then he watched Seungcheol leave, which was weird. 

Mingyu just stared. But then it popped in the group chat - Seungcheol was seeing someone, and whoever it was, was sick - he was headed back home. Mingyu stared at his phone for a full minute because, since when had Seungcheol started seeing someone who wasn’t you that seriously, he wondered. 

He saw you check in, get your room keys, give your bags to the bellhop, and head for the elevator. You barely glanced at him. 

But he was just desperate enough to do something really stupid. 

“Y/n,” he called out. 

You turned, looking shocked to see that it was just him there. 

He waved. “Uh, can we talk?”

He watched your brows shoot together questioningly - no, it was worse, you looked like you’d just stepped in something gross, at best. 

You started to give him the brush off - he knew that’s what was coming. 

“Please,” he tried to put as much pleading and begging into his voice as he could manage. 

You ran a hand through your hair and sighed. “Fine, but can we at least go to the cafe?” 

He nodded. 

You let the bellhop take your bags to drop off in your room and followed Mingyu into the cafe. He sat at a table while you ordered coffee or whatever. He drummed his fingers lightly on the table, feeling nervous, more than nervous - it was like all of his anxiety dreams rolled into one. Because this wasn’t supposed to be happening. It might be an improvement if he were suddenly somehow naked. He sighed, hating his stress dreams and this moment.

He wasn’t supposed to be talking to you, much less asking what he was about to ask. 

You sat down across from him with a sigh. “What’s wrong?” You asked, straight to the point. 

He was taken aback for a split second but recovered quickly. “I, uhh, I need to ask a favor,” he said with a sigh. 

You shrugged. “Okay, what?”

He chewed his lip lightly. “Um,” he stared at the table, knowing this was insane, “uh, the booking system is, I don’t know - look, could I stay in your room?” He was speaking too fast. Even he could hear the way he fumbled certain words. 

You were quiet, though. He glanced up to see you watching him like you were considering what he’d asked. “Let me guess, no one else has a couch or a floor they’re willing to give up?” You asked, voice frosty. 

He swallowed. “Do you think I would be asking otherwise?”

You rolled your eyes. “Right, sorry, of course, I’m the last person you would ever want to ask, what was I thinking,” you said it as though you hadn’t spent time purposefully ignoring his existence. 

He sighed. “You avoid me, so let’s not pretend I’ve set the tone.”

You scoffed. “Right. Sure, it’s nothing to do with you or anything you did.” You shook your head in annoyance, glancing away from him. 

You were both silent for a few awkward moments. But that wasn’t new. He wondered how he could have possibly thought anything had changed between you in the lst few months of working on the same nightmare case.

And then you went on. “Um, you know what, fine, you can share, but don’t bother me this weekend - don’t wake me up, don’t touch my stuff, don’t even look at me,” you said with a forced smile and got up. You tossed a key card to him and left. 

He stayed where he was. It was the least auspicious start to any weekend ever. He swallowed tightly, shaking his head. 

At least he had a room. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

You walked into your room, staring around. For once really hating Seungcheol and his new ‘I’m in love’ whatever bullshit. 

You flopped on the bed with a groan. That wasn’t really true. You were glad for Seungcheol. You were glad he’d found someone he would drop everything for and rush off to take care of because they were sick. It was stupidly cute. 

You were just frustrated that somehow it left you as the only person with enough room to share with Mingyu. And you had to, didn’t you? Because if you didn’t, you’d be the asshole. 

You tried to think of all the stupid things advertised as local attractions. There was some really long hike. You could do that - be off the grid, out of the hotel, and away from Mingyu. Just a pleasant 28-mile hike that had weirdly caught your eye as maybe an option for how to spend the trip. 

You closed your eyes and tried to focus on your breathing because you had planned for worse than this - you had all the shit to go on this dumb hike. You let out a deep breath and turned onto your side. 

You stayed that way until you heard a soft knock on the door. You’d no idea how much time had passed. 

You didn’t answer it. He had a fucking key card. And maybe if you just pretended to be dead or something, he would work around you. 

You closed your eyes tightly and tried to look asleep. You couldn’t care less if it were believable or not. You promised not to make any scenes. And this was the best you could think of given the circumstances. 

You heard the door open and what you assumed were Mingyu’s footsteps. There was the sound of a bag dropping. A jacket being removed. 

You didn’t move. You tried not to breathe even. 

He walked around quietly. You could guess he was looking for some option besides the bed. But you’d already looked. 

The sofa was too small for you, much less him. The floors were hardwood. You almost laughed when he opened the balcony door and a gust of cool wind gusted in. 

You sighed. “I called down for more pillows,” you didn’t see him jump at the sound of your voice. “We can just make a barrier down the middle.”

He stared at you. And shook his head. “I can sleep on the couch.” It was a massive fucking lie, but he wasn’t in the mood to negotiate the amount of bed space he needed with you. 

You groaned and sat up. “Really?” You asked. 

He nodded. You looked like you were ready to laugh in his face. “Okay, just for fun, let’s pretend you aren’t as tall as you are, please, demonstrate,” you said, tossing him a pillow. 

He stared at you in disbelief. “Look, I’m just trying to do what you asked,” he said, squeezing the pillow lightly, trying to not be flustered. 

You rolled your eyes in exasperation. “And we both know I was being massively unreasonable and kind of a twat downstairs, right?”

He kept his face neutral. Even if he agreed with everything you’d just said. 

You shrugged and continued, assuming he agreed. “So, given that, yeah, there aren’t any amazing options. But at least be realistic. You can’t fit on that sofa, I can’t fit on that sofa, therefore, we’re left with the option I initially outlined, so just agree and make this easy.”

He just nodded. “Okay, if you say so.”

You rolled your eyes. “Just, look - if neither of us makes it weird, then it’s fine. There’s activities or whatever, and I have work, so we’ll barely see one another,” you said and flopped back onto the bed. 

He chewed his lip lightly. “Right,” he agreed. You’d barely see him, and you’d be happier for it.

There wasn’t anything official planned on the first night, and he still had work to finish. So he sat on one side of the bed while you sat on the other. You briefly talked with him to place an order with room service. 

When the extra pillows showed up, you made a very serious divider down the center of the bed. 

And everything about it annoyed him much more than he expected. He’d never really gotten how things had gotten to the point they had between you and him. You’d actually been friends to begin with. 

Good friends even. At least he thought so. And he liked you, still. Nothing seemed to quite extinguish that flame for some reason. No matter how shitty things seemed between you. 

But then something changed between you and him in a way he’d never been able to fix, exactly. And it was like you couldn’t stand him overnight. And the worst part was that you knew exactly how to make him irrationally angry in the span of maybe ten seconds. You knew just what to say to get under his skin, and you did, often. It wasn’t good for either of you. Because he knew what to say to you, too. And it only got worse from there. 

Your mutual friends had gone from thinking it was some crush thing to rarely inviting you both to things. You even stopped hanging out with them altogether for a few semesters. And he knew it was his fault, something he had done. 

He got ready for bed before food even arrived. He put in his headphones and started watching something on his phone. He glanced up once to see you still typing away. 

Dinner came and went. He was under the covers early. The bed was at least comfortable, and he was very clearly on his side of the pillow barrier when he passed out. 

The problem was when he woke up. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

[rewind : fourth year in college - soccer team vs. cross country beer pong games]

Mingyu couldn’t believe he’d been partnered with you. It was all down to the bracket system they used - you were the best from the girl’s soccer team and he was the best from the guy’s team. 

It didn’t change the fact that he didn’t even want to stand next to you. You’d hated him for no good reason since second year. Because he had wanted to apologize, but you ignored him. 

That wasn’t his fault.

And no one ever seemed to know why, except maybe Seungcheol. He seemed to know absolutely everything about you. And he’d never say anything. 

Even if he just treated your relationship like some hookup bullshit. You were always up each other’s asses. 

You walked over with a pitcher of beer to set up cups for the side. You glanced at him. “You okay?” You asked. 

“Yeah, fine,” he mumbled. He knew you didn’t actually care how he was. 

You set the cups up and left to get your own drink. You never played while drinking beer. You always had a mixed drink. But you had insane aim no matter what you were drinking. He tried to think about the fact that, playing with you, you two would definitely win. The other side was shit. 

But he couldn’t stay positive about it. You bothered him. You had bothered him for a long time now. The way you always seemed to duck past him or swerve around him. You dodged texts and invites. You treated him like he was invisible. 

And to him, it was totally unwarranted. Like one fucked up text chain, and you acted like he vanished off the face of the planet. You went scorched earth over what was basically a mistake on his part. 

You were so calm about it, too - one thing happened, and suddenly you just removed him from your life like he’d never mattered. 

That was the part he hated and rarely admitted. That was the part that hurt. 

He’d never even gotten to apologize. 

Instead, it just went from bad to worse to very ugly between you two. 

The game opened, and you went first, sinking a shot in one of the opposing side’s back cups. He watched you grin, not at him, not at your fucking teammate, but you immediately looked to Seungcheol who was next to you. 

“Nice, babe,” Seungcheol said as you grinned at him, barely out of his grasp for even a moment. 

Mingyu rolled his eyes and took his turn when it came. He took out some of their closer cups. The cross-country team was behind even in the first round. 

And every time he glanced over to see you waiting around by sitting in Seungcheol’s lap on the side, he couldn’t help the gross feeling in his gut. The two of you together were disgusting. You couldn’t keep your hands off one another. And it wasn’t just him who thought it was too much. 

Besides, who didn’t just ask someone out. He asked people out. 

But he was also normal. 

You were next to him, getting ready to throw when he said it. “He’ll never fucking date you, you know? You’re not his type,” he whispered. 

You glanced at him and shook your head as you threw the ping pong ball. “Yeah, well, I don’t think what he and I do is any of your fucking business, so just shut up and play through.” You left him standing alone for his turn. 

He pursed his lips and missed for the first time that night. 

It kept going like that, you making every shot while he missed almost every one of his. He wasn’t focused on the game. 

It’s when he called you something like “easy” and a “bitch” that you snapped. He didn’t even see it coming; he just felt the sudden rush of cold beer flowing down his face, into his eyes, soaking his hair, rushing down the collar of his shirt and back, soaking through the fabric. 

And then you threw your actual drink in his face. “You’ve always been a whiny bitch, and I thought we could get passed that for a moment, but yeah, stay the fuck away from me,” you’d said it with this crystal clear rage that cut through every other noise in the room. 

Everyone had looked at him. And then they’d started to whisper. He’d shaken his head and shrugged. “We forfeit, I guess.”

He glanced at Seungcheol just to realize he looked as surprised as Mingyu felt. But unlike Mingyu, Seungcheol could actually go after you. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

[ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲 ]

Mingyu woke up completely wrapped around you. Apparently, pillow barriers meant absolutely nothing to either of you because you were just as tangled with him as he was with you. 

He had no idea what to do. 

He could feel your breath against his skin. You were flush against him - your legs twined with his. If he knew you didn’t virtually hate him, he would have been happy to wake up with you like this. Instead of waking up feeling nothing but guilty, like he was stealing something. 

He moved, not a lot, just enough for you to turn in your sleep. He was careful when he rolled back to his side and when he put the pillows mostly back into place. He felt like you wouldn’t want to know that it had even happened. 

Besides, he needed to get up anyway. 

The only thing he really wanted to try at this point was the hiking trail that led to this little lodge place. The lodge was the head of a huge trail that took like months to do. He just wanted to do the lead-up trail, plus if he stayed at the lodge, then he wouldn’t be killing your mood. 

He had no idea that you’d definitely woken up before him in a similar panic at the way you and he had demolished the pillow barrier during sleep. Not to mention the embarrassing way you were pressed against him. 

He also had no idea that you sat up to get dressed for the exact same hike the moment he closed the door. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

[rewind : second year in college - being stood up]

You and Mingyu were definitely friends, even if he caused some issues on the girl’s soccer team. 

You were the team captain. And it did annoy you that he had dated like half the team by your second year. Especially since he had a habit of deciding to dump one girl by being caught with another girl. 

You’d gotten a split lip breaking up one particularly nasty fight. 

You’d complained to Seungcheol about it, and he’d shrugged. “What do I do? I’m not his parent or something,” he said. 

“You could talk to him, tell him to stop being such an asshole,” you suggested. 

He sighed. “Look, I did kind of say something, and he’s, I don’t know, he wants attention,” he said cryptically with a glance at you. 

You groaned. “For fucks sake, I just need him to stop fucking girls on my team - move on to a sorority or something - they’re probably equipped for that anyway,” you sighed and glanced at Seungcheol. He was still staring at you like there was some deeper meaning to something he’d said. 

You shrugged, feeling defeated. “Thanks for trying, I guess.” You rolled your eyes and left, giving up. If Seungcheol couldn’t talk some sense into him, you really had no hope. It was way too awkward for you to bring up. 

Friends or not, there wasn’t a good way to ask him to keep his dick to himself. 

You’d left the caf and headed for the library. But on your way you’d gotten a text that was questionable at best. 

You were still staring at it when you walked to the third-floor quiet area to study. 

[mingyu]

heyyy […]

want to go out friday? 

Since when did Mingyu say ‘hey’ with extra letters, you wondered. Or ask you to hang out for that matter. You didn’t ask one another to hang out - you just saw each other at things that led to hanging out. 

And you didn’t really text exactly either. You chatted through Discord because you both gamed. That was almost always how you talked to one another. 

You stared at the message. It was weird. 

[y/n]

u ok

[mingyu]

yea ofc […]

just yk was thinking about you […]

maybe we could hang out more officially 

You rolled your eyes and left him on read. It was too weird. You cracked your textbook and decided that if he messaged again, you might respond. But you also might just screenshot it and pop it into your normal chat because maybe someone had his phone. 

You made it through most of your calc problem set before checking back. 

[mingyu]

srsly tho jel […]

hang out with me friday […]

pls

‘Jel’ was your gaming name, your gaming nickname to be more precise. The one only he used, especially when he was beating you at something and being a dick about it. Cute and dickish - that’s when he would call you ‘Jel’. 

He never called you ‘jealousmallow94’. Just like you never called him ‘gummygyu’, even if it was kind of cute. 

[y/n]

ur srsly asking 

[mingyu]

yea using the actual messages app and everything

[y/n]

who else is going 

[mingyu]

no one […]

just us

You stared harder, looking for the catch. Last you checked, Friday night, generally, was a standing party night. Plus, you felt like it was someone’s birthday weekend, too, aka, a weekend not to be missed.

You chewed your lip lightly. You’d literally just been asking Seungcheol to help rein Mingyu in, and now Mingyu was asking you out - this was too weird. You snapped screenshots and sent them to Seungcheol, asking what the texts were about, and went back to your problem set. 

[cheol]

told u […]

he wants attention

[y/n]

this isn’t attention seeking […]

it’s totally weird

[cheol]

that he has a crush on you ??

[y/n]

waHt?? […]

no he doesn’t

[cheol]

yea he does […]

i didn’t want to tell you bcz not my place yk

[y/n]

fuck off

[cheol]

he does […]

he has since like idk since he met u […]

or idk whenever u used to run wth him on the weekends […]

down bad since then ig

[y/n]

sounds fake

[cheol]

so tell him to fuck off […]

maybe he’ll get over the girl’s team then

[y/n]

wtf about fucking around with half the team would make me think anything good about him

[cheol]

and i quote “word of mouth” […]

said by two dumbasses […]

apparently taken to heart by a third dumb ass

[y/n]

srsly having a dick lowers your iq or smth

[cheol]

thanks […]

btw not proper use of iq […]

wait srry don’t u steal my notes :3

[y/n]

yeah bby ur typing is immaculate […]

even monkeys can type tho 

You flicked back to the messages from Mingyu, staring at them and wondering if they were real. If he was being real. 

You didn’t answer until later that night. You said ‘yes.’ And you agreed on a time and a movie to see. 

But something about it felt off - you couldn’t ever put a finger on it, though. It just didn’t sit right with you. Maybe if it had been last year, but to ask now was strange.

So when Friday night rolled around, you spent some time getting ready, but not too much time. You picked baggy jeans and a cardigan. You were still going to see a movie with a friend, basically. You weren’t going all out. 

You didn’t exactly think of it as a date. More like a pre-date. It was a chance to test the waters. But for some reason, you still half expected that he wouldn’t show. 

You sat in your dorm’s living room, playing a game on your phone. You wanted to be distracted from looking at the clock, from the weird nervous tension in your stomach, everything really. 

You didn’t really like Mingyu, you told yourself repeatedly. 

You thought he was cute, but that was it. 

It wasn’t serious. 

And you weren’t going on a date with him. 

None of that was real, you reassured yourself. 

What was very real was the suck ass team you’d gotten dropped into a mobile game of call of duty with and the way they were all so bad. Your score in the ranked match results was ridiculously high. 

You locked in for another match. You were focused now. You hopped from match to match. 

You hadn’t forgotten the time. Not really. 

And you hadn’t forgotten that Mingyu was supposed to come by. 

Or that you were supposed to go together. 

You hadn’t forgotten a single thing. 

It was more that every minute past the time you were supposed to meet was annoying and then just sad in a way that made you switch to only playing in ‘free for all’ matches where you kept winning by killing every other player half a dozen times. 

When you finally logged out well after midnight - you didn’t cry. You didn’t message Seungcheol. 

You just changed your gaming name and blocked Mingyu’s accounts on every platform, including his contact information from your phone. 

He was dead to you. 

And then you took a quick shower and went to bed with a show playing on your laptop. 

And you didn’t talk to him after that unless you absolutely had to. It helped that he avoided you for a few days. You had no clue if he messaged you, or called, or anything. 

And whatever, because he did move on to sorority girls. 

Apparently, he didn’t have a crush on you - he just wanted to make you feel like shit. Just like he’d made every other girl on your team feel. 

And the next semester, you and Seungcheol become a much more regular thing. Until you took a break because you met someone else. 

And then you took a break from the whole friend group. You needed it. Things were feeling too complicated. And someone new was a breath of fresh air. 

Besides, dance majors really knew how to fuck. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

Mingyu didn’t realize how much he fucked up until the next day when he saw that he made a date with you, and he slightly imploded. 

He read through the messages he’d sent while drunk. He regretted them completely, not because he didn’t mean what he’d said, but because it was you that he’d asked in such a stupid way.

He’d been just confident enough to ask you out, though. And you’d literally asked if he was ‘okay’ - he should have stopped there and then. 

But he hadn’t, even though this was exactly the reason he never even tried approaching you the way he really wanted to. How could he when he knew you didn’t take him seriously - not in that way, at least. 

He was just someone to game with. And he knew it.

But somehow it was real. 

He’d asked you, and after some convincing, you’d said ‘yes.’ He didn’t know what to do with that. He tried to think of how to make it feel like something remotely special and not just another night hanging out with him. He thought about what to wear and how he would pay for things. And then he thought about screaming into his pillow because what the fuck had he been thinking to ask you out?

He sighed, knowing he would fuck it up. He’d say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing. 

You always brought out his nervous side. The only time he was normal with you was when you gamed together. Somehow, talking to you through a headset was completely fine, but in person, he was not great beyond joking around at parties. He wished he knew how to talk to you.

Because, really, even gaming with you had been a fluke. You’d been looking bored at a party, and he happened to see that you were just hanging out gaming on your phone while everything happened around you. 

He’d asked what you played and for your username. You’d given it and told him that it was “the same for mobile and systems.” He’d thought it was maybe the hottest thing a girl had ever said to him. 

And it became like a ritual to play with you. 

He knew your class schedule because you almost always pinged him to play when you were finished for the day. He knew roughly when you studied, and practiced, and everything, really. You pinged him during parties, even. 

And if the party was at the house, the house that most of the soccer players shared, and you were early, you would usually pregame and play on console with him in his room, your knee bumping against his while you both tried to squeeze into his tiny ass room. 

He was insanely glad for his PlayStation and Xbox. He was less glad for the various comments he got from his friends, like when was he finally going to ask you out. That was the biggest question. The times that you had fallen asleep in his room didn’t help. 

Or when you started meeting him for early morning runs - the way you’d sometimes come back to his room and pass out with him before class, all your sweaty limbs finding their way to his - it was always then that he thought about kissing you, soft then hard, and how good it would feel to undress one another and how good the sweat would be then and the cool spray of the shower after. 

You were pure fantasy to him, warm and sweet next to him, sleeping soundly because apparently you never really slept well. 

He groaned because he knew he would fuck it up. He liked how things were, and he probably couldn’t exactly say that either without it sounding shitty. Telling you he wanted to cancel because ‘things are good’ - he rolled his eyes at himself. He’d fallen back on his bed, unhappiness setting in.

And then he had fucked it up - beyond anything even he expected. 

He’d thought playing beer pong would calm him down the day of. They were playing with shots, though, not beer. He’d passed out before you were even supposed to meet. 

By the time he came to the next day, you were gone from everything. He couldn’t even find your username to send a request in-game. And talking to you was already not something he was great at. 

It didn’t stop the way he felt or how much he wanted you. It just felt like a bruise that he kept hitting against things. Every time he saw you and Seungcheol, it ached somewhere deep inside him because it was like you’d just replaced him with someone else. 

And whenever you did talk to him, it somehow always got really out of hand. He didn’t just say the wrong things - he said things that made everything so much worse. It was like his brain had short-circuited to the point that he could only say things that made you hate him. 

Seungcheol had once told him to stop being so “obtuse” - that a phone wasn’t the way to talk to you at this point. And something about Mingyu getting his head out of his ass if he ever wanted another shot with you. 

It had been obnoxious to hear that from Seungcheol - him telling Mingyu how he should approach you was so fucking absurd, given whatever you had with Seungcheol was going on, and neither of you were especially private about it. 

But then came graduation, and even in law school, when things could have calmed down, they hadn’t. 

Instead, you and he were just painfully competitive, fighting it out for every grade as 1Ls. You’d accepted an internship with a different firm for the fall. But that didn’t stop anything because there was still the law review and who would be published first (you - he knew without looking that your topic was more interesting), and who would be editor (him - fuck you for getting Seungcheol to co-author an article with you), and mock trial, and everything ever.

He was always around you, in your orbit, but never allowed to get close. 

It was the most hopeless situation. 

He hated the way he never saw you. Never a message. Nothing. He didn’t even randomly get to see you around. He hated it, but the longer it went on, the more he felt like he’d lost any chance. 

At least until he decided to go hiking.

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

[ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲 ]

You weren’t fully sure what compelled you to bring your hiking gear other than planning for the worst-case scenario, but you had. 

And now you were glad for it because if you hiked to the trail head, it was a solid 14 miles away from Kim Mingyu and whatever the fuck he was doing. And another 14 miles back.

You rushed to get ready because you needed to get out of the room before you suffocated. You needed to forget how warm he felt - how good he felt and how you’d missed that feeling, apparently - and all the memories it caused to come flooding back. 

You cleaned your teeth, threw your hair in a ponytail, and slapped on sunscreen. You were on a huge mission to force all those messy college memories back into their little compartments in your brain. 

You did not have time to sort through them. 

Mingyu had stood you up and never even apologized. So fuck him. 

The end. Fin. Roll fucking credits. 

You grabbed a quick breakfast sandwich, several waters, and a ‘trail’ lunch - whatever the fuck that was - and you were off. 

You barely listened when the person at the counter mentioned that another person from your group had left maybe an hour earlier. In your mind, they had to have meant another guest because there wasn’t anyone in your group you could imagine heading out at like 6:00 AM to start a hike. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

Mingyu was maybe at the halfway point when he paused for a break. He wasn’t gasping or anything, but he wanted to enjoy the feeling of the trail and the forest surrounding him. 

He wasn’t just in the woods. He was genuinely alone, the trees swaying gently with a soft breeze. When he looked up, he could barely see the sky for the treetops. 

He sat on a rock just off the edge of the trail and sipped his water, trying to think about just the moment he was in. He didn’t want his mind to wander to work or you. He just wanted to breathe and soak in the surroundings.

He’d passed by another hiker in the last mile. So he assumed the sounds he heard were that person catching up with him. 

Instead, he saw you coming along, taking massive strides and staring around at the flora and fauna. 

He panicked because fuck - fuck - why - why couldn’t you be back in the hotel room sleeping or working or anything but heading directly for him.

He slid off the rock and tried to move farther off the trail. Actually, he tried to hide behind the rock, wondering to himself if he was maybe cursed.

“Mingyu?” You called in a voice that was questioning the situation, and also maybe his sanity, too, since he was hunkered down behind a rock like an idiot.

He grimaced, wondering why he hadn’t just committed to lying on the ground and covering himself in leaves to hide.

“Hey,” he called out with a sigh. He’d been caught, and there was nothing to do.

He waited for you to get closer. 

He sighed, wondering if he could run, maybe. It would have been totally blind and really dumb, but in the moment, the potential of sliding off the edge of the trail and down the mountainside seemed almost preferable. 

You paused, hands on your hips, to look around - probably the same way that he had been marvelling in the quiet. He watched you for a moment before glancing away. 

“It’s amazing, right?” You asked, voice soft with reverence. 

He nodded. “Yeah,” he mumbled, sounding dispondent. It certainly wasn’t the question he expected from you. 

You glanced at him with a skeptical look. “‘Yeah’? That’s it?” You asked with a small laugh. 

He shrugged. “I was trying to focus on it - you know, not think about my problems…” he trailed off.

“Oh, is that your oblique way of referring to me - I’m one of your ‘problems’?” You asked teasingly.

He couldn’t remember the last time you’d talked to him that way - the last time you had been actively joking with him. Instead of the toneless responses he’d become used to. 

He shrugged. “Maybe,” he answered, feeling a warmth in his cheeks as he admitted it.

You sighed and kicked at the ground. “Want me to walk ahead then? Leave you to not think and all that?” You asked, voice gentle.

He was on the verge of saying ‘yes’, but then he saw a couple of younger guys passing. They were moving at a faster pace, but it didn’t stop either of them from glancing a beat too long at you. 

Mingyu had the urge to grab your arm and pull you closer. His mom would be pissed to know he let anyone he knew go walking off alone on a mountain top. Especially a girl alone in the woods, where literally no one would hear anything happen to her. 

Between his mom’s voice and every scene from a horror movie that flicked through his head, he couldn’t not hike with you. He had no doubt you would be a final girl if you had to be, but still.

He shook his head. “No, just hang back - it’s really nice to just sit here for a moment,” he said, still watching to make sure that the guys kept walking.

You came to stand next to him. “I do have mace, you know?” You asked, seeming to have read his mind.

He glanced at you. “Of course you do,” he said with a shake of his head.

“I like being prepared.” You mumbled with a smile.

He shook his head. “Yeah, but there are two of them, and one of you, and this isn’t a marked trail, so maybe we should stick together?” He suggested, stealing a quick glance at you.

You nodded, though. “Probably smart,” you murmured. 

You sat on the rock with him for a while, taking photos of the trees and basking in the soft sounds of the forest. You and he were both fairly quiet, which seemed right for the moment, at least to Mingyu. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

You sat staring up into the trees, wondering if this was just the universe’s fucked in the head plan to put you and Mingyu together until you snapped or fucked. Some twisted cosmic gameshow, you thought. 

Glancing at him, you almost hoped it was the latter option.

But you could always settle for snapping, especially when you felt the first drop of rain hit your cheek. You blinked slowly as you wiped it away. 

And then the drops started to come more consistently. You glanced at Mingyu. “Seriously?” You asked.

“It’s not like I did it,” he whispered, rolling his eyes in annoyance. 

You shook your head, hearing the snapiness in his voice that you had become accustomed to - it hadn’t always been like that between you and him. But maybe he was so used to you sounding exasperated with him that it didn’t leave room for much else. Maybe he was just as tired of your attitude as you were. 

You sighed. “I know - I didn’t mean it that way,” you mumbled, pulling a jacket from your pack. You had prepared for this hike more than you wanted to admit - it had been your exit strategy once you knew Mingyu was on the guest list. 

Seungcheol had been a bit too into reconciliations lately, dropping little, not-so-subtle hints. You assumed it was just him being in his lovey-dovey, heart-eyed state because of Jeonghan. 

So you had planned this as your getaway because he wouldn’t be paying attention while he was golfing, and if your best friend got a little too annoying, you could just wander off into the wilderness.

You glanced at Mingyu questioningly as you pulled on your jacket. “Where’s yours?” You asked, actually concerned. 

He shrugged. “This wasn’t exactly on my dance card,” he said plainly. 

You pursed your lips, digging through your bag for the spare poncho you had because ‘just in case’ was basically your motto. You tossed it to him. 

“Thanks,” he mumbled, almost looking surprised at the kindness. But it was exactly the first time you had done something lately that suggested maybe things between you and him were finally thawing. 

Like during the last set of depositions, when you knew he couldn’t leave to get lunch, you’d brought him something. And maybe it was something you knew he liked too - it wasn’t a big deal that you knew what he liked to eat when he was stressed. 

Or when it was obvious he was dealing with the asshole partner from his firm and all that came with that, you’d passed him some questions you’d been saving for your cross - he looked too rattled and sleep deprived to come up with his own. He’d been surprised by the gesture, but you’d shrugged and chalked it up to ‘we’re on the same side.’

In all fairness, the poncho was utilitarian, not cute, and definitely not stylish. Therefore, distinctly not ‘Mingyu.’ You had to help adjust it. 

“Stop moving,” you whined, trying to fix it in the back so it fit under his bag the right way.  

“I’m not moving,” he complained. 

The result was him looking sort of cute despite the nature of the poncho. 

The rest of the hike was an absolute slog. 

You were both wearing shorts - your legs, at least, were freezing. And your toes were starting to feel a bit chilled from walking through so many puddles. Even if your boots were waterproof, the water was still cold and wasn’t drying. 

You didn’t even ask Mingyu if he was miserable. All you had to do was glance back at him. He looked like he regretted his entire life. Even when you were only a mile out from the little camp-whatever-thing, there was no smile from him when you announced how close you both were to shelter. 

You were stuck with the grim edition of Kim Mingyu. It was the rarest edition, though, and that was something. It took a lot to see misery take over his naturally optimistic disposition. 

You sighed quietly and stopped to wait for him - you didn’t want to get too far ahead. “Are you like dying?” You asked and grabbed his sleeve, tugging him along, tired of the distance. 

“Yes,” he whined, “this is fucking miserable,” he grumbled.

You groaned. “Yeah, well, what did they tell us fifty thousand times? ‘Get comfortable being uncomfortable.’” You said it in an obnoxious sing-song way that made even you hate you.  

Luckily, you had booked a room large enough for two people because you always did. You always picked the rooms with more space because who wouldn’t - it was so obvious, at least to you. 

You checked in and got your key. When you glanced back at Mingyu off to the side, soaked and pathetic, he really did look like the saddest puppy - he could almost be in an ASPCA commercial. 

You couldn’t help yourself and quickly snapped a photo of him before he could notice. 

You told yourself it was to send to Seungcheol later. Even as you hit the little ‘heart’ on the photo, so it would be easier to find in your camera roll. 

“Come on,” you said with a sigh, grabbing his sleeve again and leading him along towards yet another room with only one bed.

The irony was not lost on you. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

Mingyu was exhausted and wet and cold. 

And you would not let him rest. 

He barely made it in the room before you were handing him a towel and gently shoving him back down the hall towards the showers. He was surprised when you walked into the same one as him, but he realized it was a unisex space. 

Still, you being naked one stall over from him, passing him soap and shampoo and conditioner like it was just any other day, was just the cherry on this fever dream sundae. 

Worse was getting back to the room with you just wrapped in a towel that was just big enough, and you telling him to close his eyes so you could change. 

He fell back onto the bed, assuming he was allowed to do that now. He could have fallen asleep, but you tossed clothes at him. 

He sat up, knowing they were his. “Did you go through my bag?” He looked at you questioningly. 

You just shrugged. “You’re like passed out, so I was trying to help,” you said it nonchalantly, like it was a pure fact. You had unquestionably dug through his bag.

But he was tired. He didn’t care. 

And he didn’t immediately move. You said something about going to get food, so he just waited until he heard the door open and close to finally get dressed. 

He put his towel over the back of one of the chairs in the room and grabbed yours off the floor, doing the same. 

He glanced around, deciding that it wasn’t the worst room. There was a bed, a small table, heater, aircon, mini-fridge, and a sink with a mirror. It was decent for a room that was sort of at the top of a mountain. 

He would have passed out, but you came back just in time with food and drinks. You had sandwiches and ramen somehow. No, he thought, it wasn’t ‘somehow’, it was probably that you’d brought it along because you planned for shit like this. He knew you - you always had a plan. 

And he was very grateful that you were sharing with him - again. 

“Where’s your phone?” You asked before you sat down.

He shrugged and pointed vaguely. You sighed, not your truly annoyed sigh, though. “I know you have movies and stuff downloaded,” you mumbled, already up and searching. 

You found it quickly and pulled over one of the chairs. You flashed the phone quickly in front of his face to unlock it. He didn’t even flinch. Why would he? It was just you and your need for some level of entertainment while you ate. 

He was even more grateful when all the food was gone, and you were both lying on the bed, no pillow barrier this time. Instead, there wasn’t even the pretence of extra space - there was literally just enough room for both of you on the bed. 

You were lying next to him, your back pressed flush against his chest and stomach, your head on his arm, while he had the pillow. The blanket was shared, although he imagined it would end up with you. 

He still didn’t care. 

He could finally fall asleep listening to your breathing - the thing he hadn’t been able to do in years. He didn’t like thinking of all the random naps you had taken with him during first year. How perfectly you fit next to him after morning practices - that was buried deep somewhere in his psyche. Not even his therapist could touch those memories.

Neither of you said anything as you fell asleep together. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

You woke up slowly, feeling warm first, and then noticing a familiar arm around your waist. You blinked a few times, remembering that Seungcheol had gone home. 

You also never slept this well with Seungcheol. Or anyone, actually, just Mingyu. 

That was one of those thoughts you really tried to stamp out in a million different ways. It was part of why you’d started seeing Seungcheol on and off. 

Cheol was nice to sleep with, and kept some of your worst intrusive thoughts at bay. But he got annoyed with you when you just could not settle, when your foot kept wiggling under the blankets. You’d forgotten about that - those times when he would huff at you, and you would remember it wasn’t that serious and leave to go home.

And you would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, counting little dots. You hated admitting that there was something about Mingyu. Something about falling asleep next to him, even if it was a nap on the team bus, that had just felt natural - you weren’t sure what to call it. 

Even now, when you were especially desperate to sleep, you would scroll through all the blocked numbers you accumulated from telemarketers and political campaigns to the number you knew by heart. The one you knew you couldn’t dial.

The scroll was just a sanity check because did you really want to be the one to message him after all this time and all the shitty things you had both said and done - and you would stare at the number and decide that another coffee the next day would solve your problems. 

But now, here you were, lying there, letting yourself pay attention to the details. His breathing, warm and soft against your skin - his arm around your waist, holding you close - his leg tangled with yours. He was always so warm, too. 

You nuzzled closer, closing your eyes and hearing the same harsh patter of rain on the roof you’d heard the night before. There was no point in making a fuss about the situation - you were stuck here until the rain cleared. The day before had been too miserable. You couldn’t imagine the trail conditions were any more favorable. 

Plus, you’d been so cold the day before. That feeling of numb toes and cold skin was one you hated and didn’t miss from your time as a striker. 

You sighed and pressed closer to him, wanting all the warmth he was willing to share. You felt the way he squeezed you closer. More, you felt the way his fingers barely stretched to cover more of your stomach, gently reassuring you. 

You listened to the soft sounds he made as he woke up - the way he naturally pressed closer to you, like he wanted you to be the first thing he breathed in that morning. That hadn’t changed somehow - that almost natural need that you both seemed to have to be close.

That thing that neither of you had ever mentioned to one another because, thinking back, maybe you both knew what a tenuous thing it was, fragile and ephemeral.  

You waited for him to realize it was you and recoil. 

You hadn’t really contemplated what it would mean if he just held you closer. Much less the gentle feeling of his fingers tracing softly against the small spot of exposed skin just above your hip. 

You were quiet, letting your old memories run riot. 

“It’s still raining,” you murmured, not moving - you didn’t want to break whatever this was.

He hummed softly. “So we’re stuck then,” he replied, his fingers still moving in little circles against your skin.

You nodded, glancing back. “Did you tell any of them where you were going?” you asked, the thought just dawning on you.

“No,” he said, sounding surprised by the question. 

“Mmh, me either,” you whispered. 

“So they think we’re dead then?” he mused.

You laughed. “Knowing Joshua, probably, unless he checked with the hotel and knows that we both went hiking,” you paused, thinking, “oh, he definitely thinks we’re dead then,” you scoffed. 

Mingyu nodded. “It’s the most ‘Joshua’ conclusion,” he said, reaching out for his phone, leaving you to feel the chill seep in without the protection of his arm. 

You shivered. He reached for the blanket, pulling it closer to you as he turned onto his back to check his notifications. He scrolled for a few moments before sighing. “You move closer - I know you’re cold,” he offered gently. 

You were still for a moment, trying to think through the pros and cons, but you really were cold. You turned over and curled against him, feeling his arm loop around your waist while he scrolled. 

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

Mingyu didn’t mind the way you seemed to practically work your way under his shirt after he said you could be closer. It was rare for you to be anything but cold and searching for a hoodie. Even in courtrooms, you always had some kind of wrap or scarf that was virtually a small blanket.  

There weren’t any messages from anyone that he was in a rush to respond to, so he hadn’t. Instead, he found a show that he’d downloaded too many seasons of when he was flying back and forth for a client at the beginning of the year. He was fairly certain that he’d lost at least the beginning of the year and probably all of spring to sitting around in the airport.

He was lost in thought and almost didn’t hear you when you asked if he was okay. He shrugged. “Just remembering why I have 13 seasons of a show downloaded,” he muttered. 

You hummed, seeming to understand. “What client?”

“One in L.A.,” he grumbled. He avoided explaining ‘the one I hate and imagine killing,’ though, so according to his therapist, that was progress.

“That flight is such a bitch,” you said, your voice so soft. You sat up, though, and he immediately wondered what he had done to make you move. But you were just reaching for your phone, opening apps, and, from what he could see, checking to see what you had downloaded. 

You sighed. “So murder shows, murder movies, murder documentaries that the movies are based on,” you listed them off with a raise of your brows. He wondered if you realized how close you were to him, the way you were practically sprawled across him - your face inches from his. 

“Murder shows…” He shrugged because why not - he really hated his L.A. client, and the office, and the partner there, why not see what other people did to dispatch people they couldn’t stand, he wondered. 

You glanced up at him, staring at him for a moment, your fingers tracing absently just beneath his collarbone. “So you were miserable before this case?”

He shrugged. “Am I supposed to be happy?”

You sighed, reaching out to smooth a piece of hair from his forehead. “At least some of the time,” you said gently. 

“Hmm, I think my firm is better known for burnout and high turnover,” he grumbled as he held your gaze. 

You were quiet again, watching him - it reminded him of a cat observing something it wasn’t sure about. 

And suddenly you leaned in, your lips connecting softly with his. 

He would have thought it was a mistake, but it didn’t stop - neither of you pulled away. Until you both did, breathing a bit harder, lips redder, pupils blown. 

He felt your fingers trace along his jaw as you leaned forward, your forehead touching his, your lips a breath away from his. He watched you, his breath catching at how close you were.

He felt the pad of your finger brush the corner of his mouth and move slowly to the center of his lips, teasing him. Your gaze was too soft as your finger just barely pressed against his lips - he moaned softly, and kissed your finger.

You smiled, removing your finger and leaning in again, your fingers shifting to gently hold his jaw, and your lips barely brushed his. He whined - he didn’t want to be teased - he wanted you. 

“Baby,” you murmured against his lips - your voice like honey as your lips pressed fully against his. He groaned as he squeezed your waist, realizing that he wanted you more than he had ever let himself admit. 

Your lips worked slowly against his, barely parting at first, inviting him in gently. His memories of you and his imagined scenarios seemed to meld with the present. The things that had scared him were long gone. 

Instead, he kissed you back, licking into you, tasting you, not caring if he was needy. 

When you pulled away from him, though, the way you looked at him, the way your eyes seemed to brighten. “I want you,” you whispered, your fingers still playing against his skin.

He nodded, swallowing hard, smoothing hair from your face. “I want you too,” he murmured. 

The next kiss came from him. And when he swapped your positions for the first time, he paused for a moment, grounding himself in where he was and who he was with - the way you felt. He wanted to linger there in that moment, even as he deepened the kiss, even as your thighs squeezed around his waist - he wanted to hang onto every part of it and you.

So he was purposefully slow. Slow to undress you - his hands trailing along your skin and limbs in a way that he could only hope you would understand. Slow to undress himself, even, but that was when you returned all his hesitant touches - the way you kissed him and touched him, gently holding his gaze as you did, like you had understood exactly how he had longed to have this with you. 

Nothing was rushed, and when it ended, when everything slowed, when it was just you lying there beneath him, glowing, watching him and pulling his hand gently because you wanted him close, it was everything he always wanted with you. And something he could never have given you before. 

Lying next to you, holding you close, breathing you in, he was almost asleep when he felt you shift to look at him. You kissed him. 

“Missed you so much,” you whispered as you broke the kiss. 

He nodded. “Missed you, too.”

. ݁₊⊹ . ݁⟡݁ . ⊹₊݁.

[ 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 ]

The rain cleared overnight, and bright, early morning sun had dried up some of the mess.

You were both quiet on the hike back, neither of you was precisely certain what the day before meant for the future.

But at least you were back in the hotel room. And the shower seemed to have endless hot water because you both took long showers. 

Mingyu had nudged you to go first, and when you were out, you made him tell you what he wanted from room service before you let him close the bathroom door.

You ordered champagne too, since you had accomplished something, after all, you’d hiked the entire 28 miles. 

You ate, and drank, and watched a random movie about a serial killer. All while snuggled in bed with him. Somehow, you were both suddenly shameless about how much you wanted to touch one another. 

The pillow barrier didn’t return. 

And even though you saw him every day the next week for the new round of depositions, there was an actual, official date planned for the following weekend. Very low key, according to Mingyu, just dinner at his place and watching movies, and the option to stay the night. 

So basically kind of a perfect plan, even if you’d spent the night with him almost every night since you’d gotten back. 

You told yourself that it was because the sleep was too good to pass up, not because you were making up for lost time. 

a/n: eee fr hope you enjoyed it ^^ long fic yayyy...not in parts yayyyyy

⋆˙⟡♡ 𝒌𝒂𝒕

♡ master list & tag list

♡ [ 𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵 ] ★ [ 𝐦��𝐧𝐠𝐲𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ]

𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬: ( 𝘴𝘮𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 ) #kat_drabbles

summer coworker [f] | happy hour | soft dom | kinky puppy | sex toy play | valentine's day | puppy play gyu | morning mingyu (cute / fluff) [f] | the one here you hate him | the one that was always lwk dating [f] | the bf to marriage one [f]

[ 𝐟𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐲𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ]

[ mingyu tag list ]

☁︎ @syluslittlecrows [e] ☁︎ @gyuguys [e] ☁︎ @tinyelfperson [e] ☁︎ @unlikelysublimekryptonite [e] ☁︎ @livelaughloveseventeen [e] ☁︎ @codeinebelle [e] ☁︎ @ateez-atiny380 [e] ☁︎ @mingcouper [e] ☁︎ @hanniebub [e] ☁︎ @perfectiondazesworld [e] ☁︎ @scoupshawty [e] ☁︎ @peachytokki [e] ☁︎ @coupsbestleader [e] ☁︎ @fleurloovin [e] ☁︎ @babybae-shisui [e] ☁︎ @asyre [e] ☁︎ @dcrlingyou [e] ☁︎ @yeosayang [e] ☁︎ @nanabananananabatman ☁︎ @yoongznme [e] ☁︎ @gyuhao365 [e] ☁︎ @jeonghnie [e] ☁︎ @armycarat2612 [e] ☁︎ @shuas-winnie30 [e] ☁︎ @famouspoetrydinosaur [e] ☁︎ @ateezaddict24 [e] ☁︎

☁︎ @aaronwarners69thwife [e + wips] ☁︎ @daisymbin [e + wips] ☁︎ @babilou-pov [e + wips] ☁︎ @sseungcheols [ e + wips ] ☁︎ @keyrecsfics [ e + one/multi & wips] ☁︎

☁︎ @haik-chu [e - one/multi] ☁︎ @gigglensnort [e - one/multi/priv] ☁︎ @stupendouschildnerd [e - one/multi] ☁︎ @tokitosun [e - one/multi ] ☁︎ @lilydaisylily [e - one/multi] ☁︎

☁︎ @ninigyuuu [k.mg - e, b.f. priv] ☁︎ @starlit-rin [k.mg - one/multi, b.f.non] ☁︎ @sapphireserpens [k.mg - multi/priv] ☁︎

[rosaeh]

❦ jason « im always pushin you away from me, but you come back with gravity » todd

he thinks he needs to break up with you to avoid you future disappointment and pain. but he'll soon find out he cares too much to stay away from you.

❦

your presence in his life was like a solace. it's the only word jason could think of to describe you. 

he found solace in your presence.

ever since he met you, he felt like a string pulled you together. some kind of invisible string. 

but it was too good, you were getting too close. you didn’t even know he was red hood. you met him in such a simple way, loved him like that too. or at least, he loved you. he couldn't tell if you loved him — he thought you shouldn't, he hoped you didn’t. 

so he has to cut ties with you, right now. he has to, before you get too attached to him — before you end up loving him.

jason cannot even fathom the idea of you already being in love with him, he cannot fathom that, maybe, just maybe, you fell in love with him from the moment you met — just like he did.

he tries to do it fast, like ripping a bandage. be fast and efficient, like in his job.

but you’re not a bandage — far from it — you're both the ache in his chest and the medicine. you’re everything. 

and he has to end it.

but he cannot bear to look at your face when he does.

“you…think we should stop seeing each other ?” 

jason swallows at your words, then nods. 

you frown, “why ? i thought…” you don’t know what you thought, you don't know how you're going to finish this sentence, but you know you don't want this to end. “i thought we were doing good.” you say quietly. your voice is soft still, more than he deserves. he would rather have you yelling at him, cursing him out. he would deserve it.

you turn, as if shielding yourself from the inevitable truth of what is happening : you look through the window, the city unfolding before you. it's late, and, soon enough, he'll have to leave for patrol. he will leave anyway. leave you to the loneliness of your apartment. your crappy apartment. you had hoped he would soon ask you to move in with him. 

but you're safer without him, no matter how far he would be willing to fight for you, to protect you. but this, this is his final act of devotion for you. because he is devoted to your safety.

❦

he can barely remember anything that happened. he doesn’t think he could ever recover from it. 

all he can remember is the tears welling in your eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to look at your face, but he did want to remember every little details of you. so he held his gaze on you. and God, did he want to take you in his arms, to keep you close. he wanted so much to soothe you. but he couldn’t. but no matter how much he tried to convince himself this was for you, to protect you, he couldn't help the bitter feeling it left in his heart.

he broke up with you. he did. he broke things up with you, even thought it killed him to do so. again.

so why does he keep coming back to you ? (he knows why, really he knows why. but he can't bring himself to assess the painful truth.)

jason shouldn't. he knows he shouldn’t. after all, he broke with you, for your own good, he had said. but it doesn’t mean he stopped carrying about you. God knows he does. too much. that’s why he had to break up with you. for your own good.

because jason is nothing but trouble and worry, and inevitably, pain.

but he still finds himself following walking you home. from far, far away — and yet, too close. what you don’t know can’t hurt you, right ?

he feels like such a hypocrite. his gaze is fixed on you as you walk back to your crappy apartment. maybe if you had stayed together, he could have asked you to move in with him. it wouldn't necessarily have been less crappy, but at least, he'd know you were safe. with him. god, what is he even saying? you're safer where you are. far, far away from him.

only once he sees the light of your floor on, does he allow himself to leave you alone.

❦

now, what jason cannot comprehend, is why on earth — as he stops by during his patrol to make sure everything is fine — are you walking out of your apartment at 2 in the morning. 

he knows you have survival skills — it's necessarily in gotham, and he made sure of it. so why? 

jason shouldn't, he knows he shouldn't. but you shouldn't be walking on your own in gotham at night either, so he decides to follow you, to make sure you're safe. hood on your head, — he's pretty sure you're wearing his red hoodie, and his heart sinks at the sight — tucked in your big jacket as you enter the pharmacy. oh. you're sick. you weren't a few days ago, and he hopes this isn't because of him. did he break your heart alongside his? 

he sure hopes not. he hopes you'll wave it off, like you'd usually do. like you did.

he sees it as soon as you're out of the pharmacy, the man walking behind you, following you, stalking.

jason reaches for him before he can think of it. and beats him to pulp.

❦

for a moment he wants to reach out for you, but then he remembers : he's not jason, he's red hood, and you don't know red hood.

after a beat, he manages to speak up. “are you okay ?”, the modulator makes his voice harsh, but at least, it hides the way it is wavering. because you are there, before him, and jason is at a loss for words. so red hood will have to do.

red hood is efficient. he's all the things jason cannot be right now.

you're leaning on the wall. he can tell you feel weak in your legs, and you do look unwell, probably feverish. 

so jason lets his protective instinct kick over. “alright, i'm takin' you home.” he mutters and in one stride he's by your side, picking you up. he tries not to make this personal, to act professionally, but he can't help the way he cradles your head against his chest.

his scent hit your nostril, “you smell good.” 

he’s glad the helmet hide the way his face heats up. he stays silent.

“you smell like him.” you say absent-mindedly.

his heart sinks in his stomach, “him?”

you nod, “jason.” you hum his name, and the way it rolls off your tongue both makes him want to beg for you to say it all over again, or never again. he can barely stand it.

are you really able to tell who he is under the mask ? do you know him this good?

❦

before you know it, you're back in your apartment — you don't remember telling him where you live. maybe you did, but the fever is hitting so hard you barely remember what happened. 

red hood lays you on your couch, he finds the blanket and puts it over you. you feel at ease with him, it looks like he knows exactly how to manoeuvre around your place.

his walk seems familiar. he tucks you in, and can't help but push a strand of hair from your face. as soon as he feels the heat of your forehead, he stands up before returning with a glass of water, and wet towel with which he dabs on skin. he rummages in your pharmacy bag and takes out the medicine you bought. the red hood helps you sit up, his strong arm keeping you upward while he helps you swallow the medicine, the glass of water gently raising to your lips.

“jason.” you breath out. “i know it’s you. i know it’s you, jason.” he gulps at your words. “please, don’t let me wake up without you. don’t let me believe this was all a dream.”

❦

i think you know why i broke up with you. you know what i think of myself, and you must know that i don’t want that for you. i don’t want to taint you.

because i care about you. i really do.

perhaps too much, as i do not even seem able to stay away for you. because i care, and i worry. all i want is for you to be safe, even if it’s without me. 

thing is, i may have realised i will keep worrying as long as we are apart, and my absence is not protecting you.

my absence hurt you, and for that i apologize.

please know that hurting you was not what i intended. please know i would never do anything to purposely hurt you. 

i only have your good interest in mind.

i miss you. i have to admit it, there is no escaping how i feel about you. i miss you.

you said you did not want me to leave, but i thought you might change your mind. so i decided to leave you to your own devices, in order to have quite some time to think about this. 

i apologize if i did the wrong thing.

i want you to know that, if you will have me, i do not intent on running away this time.

because i think that is what it was. i ran away, like a coward, because this scared me, you and the way i feel about you, how deep i feel about you, scared me. 

please, know that i do not intent on doing the same mistake again. that i will never leave your side again, if you will have me.

if not, feel free to burn this letter, and know that i would stay as away from you as you would want me.

— yours, truly. jason todd.

finally done with this. don't know what to think of it, but this has been in my draft for so long, i couldn't keep it in anymore. so here it is.

[callmeherry]

Underlust reimagined

Tw: SA; Drug abuse; Child abuse; Violence; Suicide and attemped suicide; Misogyny and miscarriage. None of the topics will be discussed in detail and it will be needed to read between the lines to see them.

Intended for MATURE AUDIENCES

So, as many may know, Underlust was pretty much a +18 au for drawing nsfw of the characters, which there is nothing wrong exactly, BUT I actually think there was a lot of potential for this au that was just… Not used.

In my reimagined I intend to keep SOME elements but most of the stuff will be rewritten or just full on discarded.

Be mindful of the trigger warnings! I don't intend to go in depth on any of them but there will be mentions.

Anyway! Let 's begin!

Frisk:

Frisk is the protagonist of this story. They are 20 years old and was born with partial blindness, being able to see mostly blurry images when things are farther apart. Frisk grew up in an orphanage as their mom died at birth, their father fleeing once he heard. They were very much isolated from the other kids, mostly just reading alone as it was difficult to play with the others with their poor vision.  That was, until they met Chara. The both of them quickly became friends. Chara always encouraged Frisk to not care that the others didn't want to hang out with them, they are better off without them. It was clear to both that they were soulmates, what kind it didn't matter to them. As long as they were together they were unstoppable… … When Frisk was 17, Chara took their own life. Frisk could never understand why. What happened? How could they not notice? If they noticed, maybe they could have done SOMETHING… But they didn't… They kept living, but the guilty never left them. They left the orphanage at 18, but life just got harder. All they could think about is how they weren't supposed to be doing this alone. So maybe… Would it be better to just follow their partner? Frisk climbed the mountain many said it was the end of any and all hope. And right when their body ached and they found the opening, they let all the weight of their body leave them, falling into the unknown. But instead of meeting their doom, they are saved by a tiny rose named Rosie. He helps them get up and when he learned about their poor sight made worse by the dim light, he latched himself on their shoulder to guide them through the catacombs. And so, our story officially begins. Frisk will start meeting every single one of the cast, and having in mind the guilt that followed them by not being able to save Chara, Frisk will do anything in their power to help them deal with their problems. While maybe, learning to deal with their own demons in the process…

And that's it for our protagonist! I think you guys can already tell the new direction this version of the story would take ^^

So before I tell you guys about the other character, I need to explain to you guys a bit of world building I've thought of!

World building:

The year is 20xx. Monsters have been trapped for thousands of years and hope has been glowing dimmer as time goes on. As so the children have been getting each passing day more and more rare. The king and the council would do their best to guide the kingdom, but after the death of the king's newborn he has fallen deep into a depression, being unable to actually make any calls. Leaving all the power to the council to call all the shots. The council, however, didn't quite have the people's best interest. Problems kept arising and each time with less and less answers. The council knew that if they wanted to stay with the power, they needed the population to focus on something else.  And what better than a common enemy? They hit the most sensitive spot of the monsters, the lack of children. The biggest mystery they had without an answer, well, up until now. The council created a false answer, faking studies and data thanks to one of the members who happened to be the royal scientist, saying that the reason the monsters had such a low birth rate was because of monsters borns from two same gendered parents.  They said, each time a monster was born from two monsters of the same gender, the offspring had a lower chance of giving birth. And generation and generation of this, piling up. The monsters got where they are now. The population was horrified, the lie was set. The council watched as they created an enemy the population could hate, and it wasn't them. Same gender pairs were fine just as long it was a fling, but couples were frown upon. The monsters already have such a lack of children! How could you have a partner with the same gender as you? Are you trying to have an offspring with even less of a chance of having future babies?? The underground kept growing and expanding, everything got more and more expensive and the monsters suffered.  Everyday, madness and corruption invaded their souls, making them just a spitting image of the ones once were their enemies. Each day, they got more human.

Now that you all understand the world they live in, we can go over the rest of the characters ^^

Toriel:

Toriel, the queen of the underground. She once was one of the fiercest warriors known, not because of her attacks but because of the way she inspired all monsters. That was, until she gave birth to her kid, only for them to turn to dust in her arms. She felt like she failed everyone, not only her family, but her kingdom as well. She failed to give them an heir. She failed to give them hope of a future. The queen left the castle, too ashamed and hurt to continue with such responsibility. She moved to the ruins and opened a humble abode, where she would teach other mothers how to take care of their children. Helping them keep the most precious thing she lost. When Frisk meets her, their goal will be to help her understand that she is more than this horrible loss, and even though being a mother is amazing, she is still first and foremost a person. A person who also deserves love. Once they understand each other, Toriel explains to Frisk the rules of the world and gives them a striped shirt.  Most monsters don't know what a human is but all monsters know that someone wearing a striped shirt is a kid. And children are extremely precious to all monsters. So Toriel hopes this will keep them safe.

Undyne:

Undyne is a soldier from the royal guard, she has been training to get in since she was little once she heard the horrible stories she heard about the war, wanting to make a difference. Unfortunately for her, the task was difficult. No matter how much she worked, how much effort she put into being better, her peers looked down at her. And now, a random skeleton comes from Snowding and suddenly he's the “talented prodigy” and the next big promise to make it to captain of the royal guard? Fuck no. So she works even harder than before, she needs to be the toughest soldier from the royal guard. She has to not show any defect. But that is difficult when on top of everything, she found herself taking a liking to the short yellow lizard who happens to be the royal scientist… She knows how frowned that would be. So she pushes these feelings aside… When Frisk meets her, they will help her see that she shouldn't hide any part of her because of others. That her feelings and not being strong all the time is what makes her… Her… Undyne will finally find someone she can open up to, be honest about her frustration and fears and not get judged because of it. A friend…

Alphys:

Alphys became the royal scientist a long time after the other one pretty much disappeared. No one knows what happened to him, he just never showed up again and it's as if no one wants to talk about him anymore. Either way, the position was open, and it stayed open for many years, only having a few occupants who didn't last long. Well, Alphys got the job!  And she thinks she knows why no one wants to stay, as it is a lot of responsibility and a small pay grade… Which is odd… As she is pretty sure the previous scientist was well off… Anyway, the important thing is that SHE wasn't. It wasn't bad in any way, it was actually ok… But she felt small, not really appreciated monetarily nor socially. That is, until she received a proposition from a raggedy cat who also wanted a better life. He explained that they could team up, as the medicine Alphys can produce would be very appropriated by other kinds of people. Alphys knew it was wrong. And she refused, at first at least… Soon temptation became too much to avoid. Oh how she wished she had enough money for this nice shirt, oh how she wished she could have one of those fancy cars, oh how she wished she could go to this five star restaurant… “Just one time” She said. And then she wouldn't sell anything else. One time… Two times… Three times… She lost count by now. The guilt slowly faded away as she just got a nicer life. Yeah, she still hid it was her, the producer of the biggest dealer in hometown but she didn't care. She felt like she was finally doing something big! That is, until the numbers of deaths by overdose slowly start to rise among monsters. At first, she tried to ignore it. But as the numbers started to rise she just couldn't deny it anymore. It was her fault. She caused this. She IS causing it. And as much as she wanted to stop she just… Can't. She is just in too deep now, she can't stop. Yet she cries every night, telling herself how much of a bad person she is. This is all her fault. She hurts people.  When Frisk meets her, they will help her see that there is still hope for her. That even though she did a bad thing she can still change! She can be a good person, if she just tries…  They believe in her, maybe she can believe in herself, too…

Mettaton:

Mettaton’s story is pretty much the same as the canon Underlust. The hopeful ghost meets the royal scientist in the dump one day and she promises him a body. Mettaton becomes a star among monsters. But with light, darkness surrounds…  The star was desired by those who watched him, but desire can become dangerous. A poison of entitlement and arrogance. So they took what they believed was their right. They broke the star… Mettaton was never the same after that. He asked Alphys to make his robot body less revealing, he hid himself from everyone, he could never look at himself in the mirror again. He knew what people said about him. How it was his fault that happened. That he was the one that showed himself and made them desire, and some days… He thought that they were right… Mettaton did his best to continue his show, to continue his dream. But was it really worth it? Sometimes he thought that wasn't the case… So every time he received those flowers, those cards, he cried. Hugging them close to his chest. Frisk knew from their skeleton friend the robot's story, and encouraged him to meet Mettaton. It was a slow process, a scary one, even. Mettaton was already so hurt, it was hard to believe the two of them were genuine. But Frisk helped him see that there were still good people in this underground. People that care about him. So he does his best to still have hope, him and the skeleton start hanging out more and more and even form a kind of partnership. It is still scary… Mettaton isn't sure if it will ever not be… But he has hope things will get better.

Papyrus & Sans:

The two brothers were sons of the previous royal scientist, W.D. Gaster. They were the result of an experiment to try and make children, unfortunately, Gaster deemed the experiment as too unstable and simply not worth the trouble. Either way, Sans and his younger brother were born from that. Any good parent would never say they have a favorite child, Gaster however, is not a good parent. He made it clear how much he believed his older son to be a failure, all stats measured as one… Now, Papyrus… Gaster had big dreams for Papyrus. It soon became obvious that the scientist would pour all his expectations and hopes into Papyrus while the older brother got all his frustrations and regrets. Papyrus was quickly put in training to become a royal guard, having taken special care so he would grow up to be a strong monster. And the younger brother took that to heart even after their father was gone. He trained and did his best, and suddenly everyone was counting on him. Even his brother. Sans more than anyone encouraged Papyrus, saying how it was obvious he would be the one to become leader of the royal guard.  But Papyrus never wanted that… He never got the chance to choose what he wanted to be. His father was the one that told him he would be a soldier and then his brother encouraged him. And Papyrus just doesn't have the heart to tell his brother the truth… And even if he did… He still knows that being a soldier is the best way he can guarantee his brother is safe… To compensate for when they were children… And Papyrus couldn't protect him. Sans was very different when he was a kid, it is to be expected when one suffers so much on the hand of the one that was supposed to protect him. Yet despite everything he would smile at his brother and tell him everything would be ok. Papyrus remembers his brother looking at the clock and noticing the time. He was late… That was never good. He remembers Sans taking his hand and guiding him to his bedroom, helping Papyrus set into his bed, telling the younger one a bedtime story. He remembers both of them tense and scared. Sans patted his head, clinking their skulls together in a good night kiss. He remembers his brother pleading with Papyrus to promise to only open the door when Sans comes to get him. Papyrus promises, like he does every night. And he knows he will regret it in the morning. Sans smiles, getting up and walking towards the door, closing it behind him and locking it up. The key being slided from under the door so only Papyrus can get it… … He wishes he didn't remember the sounds every time he goes to bed…  So Papyrus protects his brother. He trains. He gets stronger. And one day, he will make up to him, he will be able to tell him he is sorry for everything… Sans was very different when he was a kid. Quiet, weak, always wearing hoodies. He needed to, his father demanded him to hide the marks of hits he himself left on his bones. Sans always thought it would be easier to just not hit him but oh well…  No matter what he did, it seemed like nothing was enough. And he never told anyone. Because he was scared. Every goddamn night he came late Sans just wished he didn't come home at all… It was never the case though…

Some nights he just got yelled at, while others… He is broken down to his core, left alone to pick up the pieces… He could never understand how his own father could do such things, but as he himself said, Sans was just property. He was just meant for that. To be used and someday he will be discarted… One day, he got too scared as he heard the door open. The thought of the many hands, digging, staining his bones. He just couldn't. So he ran to his only friend. But the next day, he knew he had messed up, he had left Papyrus alone with him. So he went back, and for the first time, his father welcomed him with warmth in his voice. “I knew you would be back…” He whispered in his ear. … Next time Papyrus wasn't home. Sans paid the price for what he did… But this time, it was too much for him to handle when he came back to his own body. He broke down in front of a teacher, told her everything. He wished he didn't. Gaster took him to the lab one day, told he had found out, and told Sans… His teacher's dust was in his hands.  And now, he would join her. When Sans felt his neck vertebrates being squeezed and twisted, close to snapping. He snapped instead. The next thing he remembers is the door opening, the king Asgore looking at his crying form and a pile of dust in front of him. So, Sans decided to live his life differently when he grew up. He wore whatever he wanted, he was loud, flirted. He wanted to be perceived, he knew the way he acted made him desirable, enough to make people of the bar he attended to make a bet to see whoever could “score him”. And he just didn't. Care. Because now, he was strong enough to be able to deny them, and to hurt them if he wanted. Everytime he told someone off it was… Cathartic… He doesn't care that he's putting himself in dangerous situations on purpose. He doesn't care about the names people gave him.  He would continue partying and drinking and taking as many pills as it takes to maybe, just maybe the voices in his ear telling him that his father was right about him will finally shut up. Well, whenever Frisk comes around, they will help Papyrus to be true to himself, help him see that as honorable and genuine his reasons are, he can't allow himself to suffer just for the sake of others. He is stronger when he is happy with himself, not when he is miserable. While with Sans… Well, he is just not ready to start any healing process, and Frisk doesn't push him. But he does appreciate them helping his brother, thanking them to help him see how much strain Papyrus was putting on himself.

Grillby:

Grillby is the owner of a very famous club in Snowding. He spent his whole life watching people around him destroy themselves and just not listening to him when he tried to help. And things just get worse when he develops feelings for his favorite patreon and best friend. He does his best to protect him, but he knows he can't. Grillby never fully committed, he was never fully truthful with himself.  The fire elemental would put on a mask, showing everyone how sturdy and capable he was, but he knows it isn't true. But he also feels he is incapable of doing anything. How could just one monster change anything in this world? It's impossible. So he just sits back from behind the bar, watching and never interacting. Frisk however, helps him see that is not true, yes, one monster can't change the world, but he doesn't need to. If he is able to change a single thing, as small as it is, it will all be worth it.

Asgore:

The king consumed by grief and guilt. He is unable to rule, unable to do anything. That is, until he found that small skeleton, shaking and scared. Once the king found out the horrible things his previous scientist did he was enraged. After a long time he finally made all remember why he was the king. W.D. Gaster is to be forgotten. His name erased from their history, left to rot on his insignificance. Obviously, the other members of the council didn't understand, they questioned him, where even was the scientist anyway? But the king was firm. And soon, they learned not to question. Asgore adopted the young skeleton, together with his younger brother. He did his best to accommodate them despite everything. Even if he felt inadequate to be any kind of father figure…  It was a hard process, both kids were fragile, especially the older one, but he did his best. And they both grew up. Once they were old enough to leave, they did. They still call him from time to time, his older one visiting him frequently thanks to his “shortcuts”, and he couldn't love them more… But he knew deep down they weren't really his kids… His kid died at birth… Asgore he… The skeletons didn't come from his soul… They are not truly his, and he could never truly be their father... Right? And now, after everything, they have word that a human has fallen into the underground. The council want to use their soul so king Asgore could have an actual heir. A being half human and half monster, the most powerful being that has ever been seen, perhaps strong enough to break the barrier keeping them underground. And the king is conflicted, he is supposed to do what is best for his people, and a monarch would bring hope to his citizens… But he doesn't want to take the human's soul… He is lost. He is alone. He is hopeless. And he just doesn't know what to do…

The end:

When it is time to face the king, Frisk and Rosie go on their own, ready for whatever the king decides is the right thing. When they arrive, they talk. The king offers them tea and brings them to the garden of roses, telling both about his late child.  Frisk also tells him about their late friend, being empathetic with the king's pain. They explain that they were ready for it to be over, but it wasn't. They were here, and if their life could serve for something, they would like to be for something good like bringing hope for the people, and if that was the case, they would happily die… But at this point, Toriel; Papyrus; Mettaton; Undyne and Alphys arrive. They confront the king and the human, explaining how important they were for them, and how much Frisk helped them be true to themselves. Telling both how much more important the human's life is than what they give themselves credit for. The king was conflicted still, but at this point Sans arrives. He tells Asgore how the human managed to give hope for someone who didn't want it. And he asks his father to please, don't listen to the council. Spare the human's life. With that, Asgore decides it. Frisk life is too valuable to be lost by a foolish dream. 

Everyone is happy, hugging the human and singing them praises. But at this point, the members of the council arrive, they tell the king they knew he would disappoint them. The guards move, circling the group. Asgore and Toriel attempt to call them off but they don't listen. They belong to the council for some time now. The whole group is captured and tossed into the dungeon, just until the council decides what to do with the human soul.  But, Rosie the rose finally lets go of Frisk's arm, promising he would get help. He slips between the cracks of the stone walls, his soul full of the hope the others had for him. And when the council returns, ready to take Frisk's soul, the castle is invaded. Led by Rosie, all the other monsters the human helped came to everyone's rescue.  They managed to overthrow the council, freeing the captured monsters and human. The king and queen made a formal speech, thanking Frisk for their kindness and for giving them all hope.  Weeks after. Life still wasn't perfect, but it was a little better. Monster were happier and now with the queen back, life conditions were better. Alphys working on another way to break the barrier when she and Undyne find out they are carrying a souling. Of course, it felt obvious now. Monsters souls are made from hope, so when the parents had so little hope to give, they were unable to create a child… But having the answer for it didn't mean it would be able to be fixed out of nowhere, but it was a start. A start of something new. Something beautiful.  Frisk knew it. And they would do their best to help everyone along the way, and everyone would be there to help them. They can't help but smile, maybe Chara would be proud of them… Either way, no matter how hard it would be, they had hope. Things will get better.

Comments and Funfacts:

I imagine Papyrus and Mettaton’s relationship on this reimagine to be queerplatonic! Papyrus being aroace

My main goal with Mettaton and Sans’s storyline is so that they would parallel each other, of how that kind of trauma could make the victim respond and the difference between healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms (Having a support system vs abusing narcotic substances)

Where Frisk fell, there would be many tombs from other humans, and the only reason they survived was because Rosie healed them

Toriel and Asgore were never really in love, they had a lot of care for each other but not in a romantic sense, so when Toriel returns to be the queen they are also platonic 

Alphys was Sans's dealer and they would get into an argument later in the story when she cuts him off

And I think that's it! This was a lot so thank you if you read this far! ^^ If you have any questions please feel free to ask them and I'll do my best to answer them! 

[deejwalker]

Oi. Trying to keep the post size down and give urgency details without making myself vomit.

Ah well. Many details in the gfm link and the notes.

Here's my kofi link

Cash and pay both agenderdread

V_nmo is deejwalker365

Pay apps are more instant help, especially during weekends like this.

Art on my gumroad here for incentive. Latest two poetry collections, Ragnarok 2 (in the posts section) and godsung warsongs (the last collection in the loose continuity) are the least triggering and most cohesive imo.

Here's a timeline.

Okay. Here goes.

My dad's a hoarder and a senior refusing basic self care. It is his right to refuse services. I am disabled with nowhere else safe to go.

I have asthma. I'm wearing masks in the house so as not to breathe mold and bacteria from dad's negligence. I clean here. Just me. I stopped cleaning after his sole responsibilities a year ago. Now our apartment is full of mold and pests. I have refused to sign the lease renewal and sent a vacancy update to accelerate what resources will be made available by our eviction.

I have until the 31st to vacate. Less than that to brave lung damage.

This is a long time coming. My dad lies to me about getting better every day. He's refused free help and stolen ostensibly thousands of dollars from me while spending money on total bullshit and not bathing and cleaning after himself. The law can not help me. Only crisis resources can.

Alot of money is being eaten for covered, mold and pest free food. This is not ideal. I'd like to leave safely soon

Hi, I'm DJ, a black agender bisexual in rural Illinois. I started this fundraiser on GoFundMe, and it would mean a lot to me if you’d be able to share or donate to it.

This is the real thing, I guess. I won't touch this money until I can put down a security deposit somewhere. This may help with rent or utilities until I am working. There is nowhere near that I can go. There is no where accommodating to my disability I can take the bus to. Thank you all for caring for me so much. Thank you all for your understanding.

[cripplecharacters]

does it make sense for someone who relies very heavily on lens correction for vision to remove them in a fistfight? i assume you don't want glass in your eyes but it seems impractical

Hello,

This may just be me, but I personally wouldn't. With modern eyeglasses, usually they're made of some non-glass material that will crack but won't shatter, both for safety and because this material is lighter than glass. Don't get me wrong, getting hit in the face while wearing my glasses was definitely an unpleasant experience, but I'd rather risk that than try to survive a fight with only my 20/200 vision to get me through it. It would definitely put me at far more of a disadvantage than keeping them on would

It's probably going to depend on what their vision is like without the glasses. Vision is extremely important, sometimes even crucial, in a fight, and if they rely on their glasses to get useful visual information then taking them off means losing a very important tool. Blind fighting is possible but it's not easy, especially if you haven't practiced and are used to being able to see.

They also just might not have time to spare. Taking off the glasses will take precious seconds and then you have to figure out what to do with them, either tuck them away somewhere or throw them, and that gives their opponent time to start the fight without them being ready.

But it does depend. When consulting similar questions in martial arts, MMA, and self-defense forums, answers were mixed. Some would not even if they had the time, some would if given the chance but wouldn't worry about it too much if there wasn't time, and some would make time and risk taking a hit to take off their glasses. There's no one answer here.

Mod Aaron

Hello!

When I was playing hockey and boxing, I'd always remove my glasses even though it made my vision much worse. I got hit in the face while wearing my glasses during a scuffle on the ice one time and it was Not Fun.

In these kinds of situationsn (i.e. Sports), being able to see well was less of a concern since I didn't need details -- the main priority was tracking things that were moving. The hardest part for me was keeping track of the puck in hockey but since it's black material on white ice, it wasn't too bad.

The glass wasn't as much of a concern for me as the risk of my glasses breaking in general as well as how uncomfortable it is to be hit in the face with glasses on (specifically because of the frames).

It really depends on the context of the fight, I'd say. In a controlled environment, there are generally regulations in place around hits to the face and more often than not, your opponent isn't looking to do serious damage so leaving the glasses on is less of a risk.

This isn't the case in a good old duke-it-out-in-a-Wendy's-parking-lot brawl. In that case, they'd probably want to remove their glasses even if they usually wouldn't.

Overall, I think it's just a personal preference thing.

If they do keep them on during a fight, having one of those straps to keep them from going flying/getting damaged might be smart.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[camficdiner]

To go order of [1.1] [2.20] 𝚂𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙𝚢 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝-𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 — 𝚢𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚑𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚞𝚖𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚜 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 [3.1] [4.2] THANK UUU

☕️Cams Fic Diner — order 100✨✨

🍒 thank you:

to the girlies who kept this diner alive with nothing but delulu, filth, and feral imagination.

to the ones who whispered “make it worse” and “more detail pls” a prayer.

to every mutual who submitted an unhinged smut request at 2 a.m. and said “take your time babe no rush <3” but checked in twelve hours later.

This is for you.

You kept the lights on. You filled the queue. You weren’t afraid to ask for Quinn in a hoodie or Jack on his knees or Will with his hands in your hair.

You made enemies to lovers an art form. You made truth or dare dangerous. You made the diner what it is.

💬 “You ordered. We delivered.”

✨ description & prompts:

fics by you, for you

from soft confessions to ruin-me-twice

this isn’t a milestone. it’s just the beginning.

✨💌🍷🛐🫡

💬 “Don’t hang up yet”

✨ description & prompts:

• character: jack hughes

• prompt: sleepy post-game confessions — you’re on the phone when he mumbles something that changes everything

• type: undefined situationship, soft confessions, long-distance ache, slow realization, fluff

• wc: ~1.2k

🛼🍒✨🧁

He always calls after a win.

That’s how this started.

Just late-night “we played good”s and “you up?”s and “I’m so fucking tired”s mumbled through half-yawns and pillow muffles. You weren’t really together, not officially — not in any way you could explain to your friends without fumbling for excuses.

You were just… you and Jack.

He flew out for roadies. You stayed home. He texted late. You picked up. And somehow that filled the gap that neither of you wanted to name.

Tonight, it’s late when he calls — well past midnight — and your phone buzzes with his contact photo and that stupid nickname he gave you last spring.

“Hey,” you say, soft and sleepy.

“Hey,” he breathes back, barely audible. “You up?”

“Mhm.” You shift your phone to your other ear. “You win?”

“Yeah,” he mutters, and then yawns, the kind that shakes his whole chest. “Missed you.”

Your smile is immediate, involuntary. “Missed you too.”

He hums, like he’s halfway to sleep already. You can hear the shuffle of hotel sheets, the faint clink of a water bottle being set down, the creak of his neck as he rolls it against the pillow.

You speak again, barely above a whisper. “You okay?”

Jack sighs. “Just tired. Brain’s all scrambled. But… I wanted to call.”

“I’m glad you did.”

Another long silence. You don’t fill it — you’ve learned not to. With Jack, sometimes the best parts are in the quiet. And right now, there’s something heavy in it. Something thoughtful. He’s thinking, and you can tell because he hasn’t fallen asleep yet.

When he speaks again, it’s not loud. It’s not clear. It’s barely even a sentence.

“…been thinkin’,” he mumbles, voice almost too low. “How we never really… defined this.”

You blink.

It’s the first time either of you have even come close to touching the what are we question.

Jack keeps talking before you can answer. Still soft. Still half-asleep. But honest.

“I dunno,” he says. “I just—I like talkin’ to you. I like when you’re there after a game. When I call and you’re already in bed but you still pick up. When I don’t even have to say much and you… know.”

Your chest squeezes. You try to swallow around it.

He breathes in again, shaky this time.

“Feels like I… get home and I miss you more, not less. Isn’t that fucked up?”

You laugh quietly, throat tight. “Kinda.”

“Yeah,” he exhales. “But it’s true. Even when you’re right here, it’s never enough. And I think…” His voice cracks, softens again. “I think I love you. Even if we never called it that. Even if I don’t even know if I’m allowed to say it.”

Your whole body stills.

You blink at the ceiling, trying to hold yourself together. The words settle in your chest like a weighted blanket and a punch to the ribs all at once.

“…Jack.”

“It’s okay if you don’t,” he says quickly, voice a little fuzzier now, like sleep is dragging him down. “You don’t have to say anything. Just needed to say it before I passed out.”

You wait a beat.

Then whisper, “You’re not the only one who feels that way.”

You think he smiles. You can hear it in the way his breathing shifts — soft and relieved.

“I knew,” he murmurs. “I hoped.”

A pause.

“I’m yours,” you say, finally. “Even if we don’t define it yet. Even if it’s messy.”

Jack lets out the softest hum, right before you hear the phone shift onto the pillow beside him. He’s fading fast now, but you swear you hear one last thing before he fully drifts:

“…’s not messy. It’s you. It’s always been you.”

You close your eyes. Let yourself believe it. Let yourself want more.

Maybe in the morning, you’ll talk about it.

Maybe in the morning, you’ll define it.

But for now, you both sleep — tangled in two cities, one phone call, and the quiet, sweet ache of finally knowing.

[crowttore]

Genshin characters as ways animals court and mate

Welcome to another round of (hopefully) the weirdest biology lessons you'll ever receive. Essentially a shitpost, someone should take away my writing privileges. There could be better suited animals out there, I just chose from the ones I know.

Characters: Childe, Xiao, Xinyan, Dainsleif, Diluc, Albedo, Ganyu, Ifa

Not seeing your fav character? Find more here

Tags: nsfw in the way a national geographic documentary is, there are no graphic details but proceed at your own discretion

Childe / Ajax / Tartaglia - Vulpes vulpes (red fox)

Am I pushing an agenda here? Absolutely. Childe gets excited when he notices that you're beginning to pay attention to him - however sparse it may be - and does everything he can to interact with you, making sure to keep it fun and engaging (both for himself and you). Bright and cheerful while courting you. Childe is generally very easy-going but doesn't take kindly to others getting too familiar with you and he can, in those instances, turn quite territorial. Has a habit of disappearing for long periods of time on missions, but when he's there, he's very devoted. Male foxes get aggressive towards other males around breeding season. Courting includes loud calls and frolicking around with a chosen mate, typically play fighting and nipping at each other. Male foxes stay to help raise the pups, letting the female stay with the pups for the first weeks while he fetches food daily.

Xiao - Drosophila spp. (fruit flies)

This one isn't exactly a calculated move on Xiao's part, and he'd prefer that this wasn't a byproduct of sexual intimacy (intimacy of any kind really). Due to his karmic debt, Xiao affects his surroundings and 'taints' them. On his partner, this means that for a time after being with him, they experience mild symptoms akin to those you'd experience after being in close proximity to old god remains. The emotional effects last a couple of hours and make others less likely to engage in any kind of social behaviour with you. Drosophila males use a pheromone to mark a female as unattractive after mating, reducing the chances of his sperm being outcompeted. Some evidence suggests that the pheromone has mildly harmful effects on the female.

Xinyan - Cebuella pygmaea (Pygmy marmoset)

It might not come as a surprise that the courting (or dating) phase isn't particularly long with Xinyan, after all, you lose every chance you don't take. She has little care for norms, if she likes you, she'll let you know first chance she gets! Through music, Xinyan has a multitude of ways to convey her thoughts and feelings, be it with or without vocals. No matter her way with words, writing songs couldn't prepare for standing in front of you and getting the words past her lips, but she'll figure it out. One thing you hadn't expected is the way she slowly adopts your way of speaking (as you do hers) allowing you to develop what might sound like a completely new language to outsiders. It makes both of you laugh from time to time while spending quality time together, realising what you're saying sounds like a load of nonsense. Pygmy marmosets have incredibly complex vocal calls and a great intuitive understanding of how sound travels and interacts with things around them. Pairs will 'sing' together to strengthen their bond, and new pairs will rapidly adjust the sound, length etc. of their calls to create new and unique ones to use with their partner.

Dainsleif - Antechinus spp. (Marsupial mice)

Dainsleif yearns. And he lingers. His love is vast as an ocean and just as deadly- he knows (thinks) it will drown you both the moment he lowers his guard. For this reason, you're kept at arms length for a while, unsure if he wants you gone or not. It's impossible to tell with his tendency to appear for a moment and be gone the next. Every time you think yourself free and healed, he appears again to drive the blade further into both your hearts. When he finally caves, in a moment of weakness, the love he shares is passionate, the ferocity of a starved beast, keeping you awake throughout the night, crying out his name in pleasure. When you awake next, there's nothing but a scribbled apology next to you. Dainsleif doesn't return after that, but you swear he still lingers in your periphery. Marsupial mice have uhh interesting mating habits. Males are ready to breed a few weeks before breeding seasons start and females enter ovulation. Mating is intense but has a narrow window of opportunity. The males funnel so much energy into maximising reproductive capabilities, using up all energy storage, that a vast majority of males die off after mating. The level of free corticosteroids increase in the males during mating, which suppresses the immune system significantly.

Diluc - Pygoscelis papua (Gentoo penguin)

Once Diluc finds himself ready to settle down, you can rest assured that plenty of care went into that decision. After hovering around you for a while, slowly finding that he doesn't wish to be without your presence (I could write so much about this turning point for Diluc whew) he presents you with two seemingly odd items. One is an old-looking key, the other a locket containing a few grape seeds. The key is for the back-door to the winery so you can always come and go. The locket belonged to his mother and the seeds inside are for you to plant. He hopes you're as ready to settle down and build a life together as he is. Gentoo penguins build their nests out of rocks and males will essentially present a female with a carefully selected stone to signify "I would like to build a nest with you". Gentoo penguins are also known for being very strictly monogamously, to the point that sleeping around or attempting to can get an individual kicked out of the colony.

Albedo - Siphopteron quadrispinosum (sea slug)

This is dedicated entirely to you Petal <3 And to everyone else, sorry. While Rhinedottir did everything she could to make Albedo, he's lacking in certain places. Which was fine. Until he met you. But that's fine, he has a solution to that. He's spent weeks fussing over creating everything that would be needed, a bottle of pheromones to get you properly prepared and a perfectly shaped rod for insertion, the tip sharpened for piercing your skin of course. A lot of sea slugs are hermaphrodites and will, after feeling each other up, stab the other with a penile stylet and inject their fluids. Some of them do it directly into the other's head. The penile stylet regrows.

Ganyu - Capra spp. (Goats)

Sweet docile Ganyu absolutely adores it when she gets to cuddle up to you, especially if your arms are wrapped securely around her. At first, you find her tendency to bury her head into your armpit a bit odd, but it's pretty endearing to be honest. Xianyun clearly makes sure her daughter is dressed to impress, and although Ganyu flusters easily; especially when you grin happily upon seeing her, you have no doubt she enjoys the compliments. Each sweet word is rewarded with a little kiss to your forehead (why her smile always looks a little sad when she pulls away is something you'll have to ask about, maybe she's still insecure around you?) Oh I promise you dear reader, this particular behavior is not a sign of insecurity. Goats are self-anointing animals, meaning they make sure to smell. For goats, this behavior includes males urinating on their forelegs and his own face, which combined with a secretion from glands located at the base of his horns, ensures a seductive scent. Some females have been observed to completely refuse mating with a buck who's had those glands removed.

Ifa - Giraffidae spp. (Giraffes)

When Ifa has to travel, he makes sure to always stop by your place every chance he gets. Some might call him clingy (and they would be correct) but he simply can't stand being away from you for more than a week at a time. There are, of course, certain benefits to dating a vet (what are humans if not animals as well) and Ifa is always looking out for you, running a few tests here and there, and making sure you're in top condition, he's quite the attentive partner! Back to the 'needy' point, Ifa can't keep his hands off of you. In fact, he can't keep his tongue away either, always licking at your skin before inevitably nudging your legs apart to have a taste. Male giraffes roam while looking for opportunities to mate, with them going into rut approximately every two weeks. They determine if a female is in oestrus by tasting her urine. If the male moves on to courting, he will start licking the female, attempting to rest his head against her, and occasionally give a little nudge with his ossicones.

[haroun31]

The only thing i can think about rn is hearing mikeys c50 motosycle as ( his partner his gf) while beeing at a place you are not supposed to be.

Do you know that i mean

Like you know he is comming i feel like miley in every timeline would be like this

Im stuck with this thought an nothing more helppp

Warnings: Scenarios | dark themes | blood | gun | death of a minor character | possessiveness behavior | Most of Mikey versions are a red flag fr fr |

DRIVING WITH MY DARLING

We all know that almost every version of Mikey has some sort of possessiveness issue when it comes to his partner. Whenever it because of his little hobby (leading a gang) which could put you in danger, or because he is a walking red flag.

But which one is the safest version?

[SPOILER FOR THE END OF THE MANGA AND BONTEN ARC]

♤Final Timeline Mikey♤

•Def the safest of the bunch thanks to the lack of his dark impulses and the Karma Shinichiro accidentally gave him with the first time leap ever.

•So hearing his beloved CB250T wouldn't make you tense, on the contrary. It would bring you comfort at the thought that your lover was close by. Maybe he was enjoying a drive around Shibuya after his last motorcycle race with his friends or maybe he was buying groceries.

•But you would be even more happy to hear its engine when you accidentally got yourself in trouble.

•Mikey told you to stay away from a specific part of Shibuya because some civilians were getting dragged in the middle of some gangs brawls. However it was a street you need to take to get to work. You promised him to take the longer one, until things calmed down. Yet that day you clocked out super late and wanted to get home as quickly as possible so you decided to take that dangerous path.

•You told yourself it would be a one time thing. You would be quick and if you saw more than five guys together you would book it. You should have known that life is never that easy though.

•Before you knew it a brawl broke out in the middle of the street, with fits and kicks thrown around. Then knives started showing, and then metal pipes and the situation quickly degenerated with you caught in the middle.

•And that's when you heard it. Mikey’s CB250T. And you heart skipped a beat from relief. You saw him skillfully arriving from the right, swerving so that he formed a semi-circle in front of you to block you from the fight. In less than a second you were on his bike and he was off like a rocket, the roar of his engine so loud that drowned the kids shouts.

•He wasn't angry that you didn't take his warning, just relieved that Draken saw you in this part of Shibuya and warned him so that he could remove you from that dangerous situation before it was too late.

•You still owe him a lot of kisses though. Do not make him so worried ever again.

♡Toman Mikey♡

•You should start to worry if you hear his CB250T and are somewhere he told you not to be. He still hasn't lost that many people but Shinichiro's death was enough to activate his protectiveness.

•Toman seemed to have gotten itself into some sort of dispute with another gang, Mikey didn't seem to be kin in giving you more details. Maybe he wanted to keep you out of the gang affairs to hopefully protect you. Yet that might have been your downfall.

•Who would have thought that your friend house was exactly in the territory of this rival gang. Certainly not you. But while you didn't know the dark part of the gang world, you can be sure that everyone knows you. Mikey’s partner? Who wouldn't know about your existence with the way he parade you around?

•So you were confused when you heard the familiar engine eating the asphalt and roaring in the middle of the road so loudly you can't mistake it with anything else.

•Mikey was angry. A bit with you but mostly at himself for not making sure you wouldn't end up here out of all the places. He totally forgot, or maybe wasn't even listening, that you had a friend here. It doesn't matter, he is getting you out of here immediately.

•He didn't give you time to argue nor to explain. His fingers laced around your wrist and you were suddenly on his bike as he drove off.

◇Manila Mikey◇

•If you heard his bike approaching chances are that you are in big trouble.

•You know he isn't exactly sane at the moment–hell, he killed every single friend of his old group! It's still a miracle that you were alive and not six feet under the ground. Sure, you were his partner, but the fear was still there. Especially after he changed so much in the years.

•He rarely used his bike anymore, just to go on solo rides somewhere at night but even then, he wasn't away for a long period of time. While he was away he told you to not go out, somewhere far away from him, somewhere dangerous. After all, he kept traveling around and you were forced to follow him. So you end up in unknown places most of the times.

•He was away once again but this time you also got out. You just couldn't stay in that damn apartment another minute, with the smell of death clinging the walls and the reminder or what Mikey truly become.

•You went into the small village not that far away from Manila. A nice little place, the locals all welcoming and kind. It was such a breath of fresh air. . .until your heard that damn engine. CB250T's engine.

•You could feel your heart drop dead in your stomach, skin crawling and the warmth leaving you fingers. Who knew that such sound could bring you so much dread and fear. He must be angry. He is angry. After all you disobeyed him, you were in a place he explicitly told you to not be.

•You are so death.

•The tires scraped against the old asphalt as he came to a spot, just behind you. His cold black eyes pinned on the back of your head, the sound of a gun clicking over the quiet rumble of the still on bike. It wasn't an invitation his, it was an order. You need to come by his side instantly.

•You took a second too much to finally move and he fired a shot into the sky, alarming the people around before pointing the gun at you. With shaky breath you walked over him and silently sat down on his bike, arms reluctantly wrapping around his figure.

•You knew whatever was waiting you back at the apartment won't be pretty. Especially not when his anger was so silent.

♧Bonten Mikey♧

•I wish you the best of luck, really. Like. . .you better start choosing the flowers for your grave (if you ever have one in the first place) if your ear manage to catch the sound of CB250T's engine.

•Especially since Mikey doesn't drive his bike anymore.

•With him creating the most dangerous criminal organization and becoming his leader, cold, calculating, harsh, he also dragged you inside this mess. And he won't let you get away.

•At this moment he was a shell of his former self, consumed by grief, dark impulses, possessiveness, lowkey obsession and the list go on and on. He genuinely lost it. To the point that he basically locked you in his penthouse with no way of communicating with the ourside world, let alone walking around.

•You dont remember the last time you were under the shade of a tree. Mikey prohibited you to go anywhere that he didn't decide.

•Maybe this is what brought you do something insane and that will definitely make you regret it. You managed to escape the bodyguarfs he gave you during a rare outdoing to go shopping.

•You immediately run to the park you first met him, to the spot yoj two used to lay on and watch the sunset before shit went down and he completely snapped. It was calm, it smelled like childhood and good memories. But it didn't last long.

•You heard it before you saw him. CB250T's engine. And in that moment you knew you were fucked. But fucked with a chainsaw dipped into fire. Because you haven’t seen Mikey ride his bike since the days of Toman. Because Mikey came to get you himself. And that. . .that only meant bad news.

•You heard him stop not far away from where you were seated, his empty eyes boring into your back, the unmistakable smell of blood reaching your nostrils. He killed someone, the bodyguards who were supposed to make sure nothing would have happened to you. And you knew that from the start. You knew that by escaping you would have condemned their life to be brutally cut off.

•His anger wasn't loud, it was quiet, calculated, imperceptible until it's too late. You know that any thin freedom you previously had will be cut off permanently. If it goes well you might be chained to the bed, if it goes wrong. . .you don't want to think about it.

•And all this mess just because you wanted to see the sunset.

•"Let's go"

•Your last sun set.

[duchess-kyuupid]

~The Duchess' Thoughts and Drabbles Pt. 5~ Ft. Vil Schoenheit

Yandere! Vil x Blind! Reader

Am I writing for twst again, after all this time? Not really. Did I suddenly get the urge to finally finish this idea I wrote so long ago? Absolutely.

| The yandere themes here very minor, no warnings necessary |

Goodness, Vil loves you, even though you can't fully appreciate how hard he works to be so perfect. He can try to cover up everything with makeup- his insecurities, his failures- but it's all for naught when he's in front of someone who completely bypasses that superficial mask and sees him for what he truly is.

When the two of you first met as freshman, Vil actively tried to avoid you. You were just some other potato, but you were even worse than the other ones because you always talked to him so casually. Everyone else talked to him like they were on eggshells- whether that effect on others was due to his beauty or his fame, or a combination of both, the fact is he was almost completely isolated during his first year of NRC. Then, he earned the Housewarden title, and now everyone was forced to respect and admire him while he stood on a pedestal above everyone else. Well, except you, despite still being in Pomefiore yourself.

You just couldn't care less.

You were more focused on your grades, your magic, and most importantly: your sculptures. And my, how they were so beautiful. The world from the perspective of a blind person isn’t one that’s told very often, it’s one that not many even think about in their day-to-day lives. Vil himself was actually quite shocked the very first time he saw your art- how realistically you portrayed the human form in some works and yet, at the same time, how beautifully abstract your other works could be.

You clearly had extensive knowledge on anatomy and proportions, even better than people who could actually see. From the moment he laid eyes upon your artworks, he became infatuated with them, and in turn, he became infatuated with you.

It eventually turned to the point where that man wanted nothing more than to cage you up like his own pretty little bird, with you none the wiser, and keep you all to himself while you make fantastical and beautiful sculptures while he makes you into his own artwork. Perhaps it was a good thing that you couldn’t see how his eyes would darken and glare at anyone who would even think about approaching the two of you while you were out. He was an expert at chasing people away, after all.

But there were many a night where he dreamed of dolling you up with his brand of makeup and his brand of skincare products. He would take such good care of you- all you needed to do was make your breathtaking sculptures and talk to him as you’ve always have.

But this was also the main reason why he hasn’t done anything just yet.

He was afraid that if he pursues you the way he wants to, you’d see the darkness that lies under his persona. Maybe you already do- you seem to have already seen through most of his masks already.

Oh yes, this man has many masks.

And it seems like every conversation he has with you, another one breaks down and he has to build another to replace it. And that terrifies him.

He knows that if he ties you down the way he’s always dreamed of, you might never view him the same way again… You might treat him differently, might look at him with fear. You might ignore him, reject him, hate him. And he couldn’t bare to live that way.

But it wasn’t until the day he asked you to make a sculpture based off of your image of him that he realized the true extent of your apparent omniscience.

When he first made the request, he only meant it as a passing jest- one that he thought had cleverly disguised his true desire to see you sculpt him. He wanted to have you hold and caress his face while you learn every detail of him through your hands. He wanted to see those same hands recreate his beauty with your own works of glorious artistry. He wanted to be your focus, a model you would spend hours upon hours of work trying to recreate. Vil, above all else, wanted your attention.

So he was surprised, honestly he really shouldn’t be, when you saw through even that half-hearted jest, and agreed to make a statue of him.

It only took a few months of waiting before he was allowed to see the final product. And… It was beautiful.

It was, in every aspect, undeniably Vil, his face was so perfectly sculpted down to every strand of hair on his head, and even with his trademark fabulous smile. The statue only came down to his mid-torso, but the oddity in the art piece lies in the fact that his chest was depicted wide open, showcasing his ribcage inside that had been sculpted to almost look like prison bars instead of bone. Vil's marble arms seemed to try to hide what was inside his ribcage, but if you walked close enough, you could see that inside the cavity was the outline of a person draped in sheer cloth, eyes closed with a serene look on their face and caressing Vil’s heart with an almost unreadable expression.

Vil looks back up to you, who's holding that exact same serene and unreadable expression on your face, but your bleak, unfocused eyes stared right back at him.

Ah, Vil realized, you’ve known all along. He really can’t hide a thing from you.

[freebooter4ever]

an addendum to my earlier post because i know i am guilty of idealizing geno's body. dont get me wrong, i already think he's fairly perfect, if i had a 'type' it would just be that photo of him on the bike during knee rehab with his arms in superhero pose. but...

when i draw him i am looking at both what i see, but also the attitude and posture and expression. and my goal is to get that feeling into my art. so i end up exaggerating certain features. most often i make him taller. he has such presence and such a tall feeling that often if i draw him one to one exactly how he appears physically in a photo he doesnt feel like himself anymore, the drawing feels short. sometimes my exaggeration is obvious:

but sometimes its subtle and just part of the power in his body/gear

i think everyone knows how much i love the curve of his shoulders. i think the shape of his back is beautiful and im a little bit fascinated by drawing it

but sometimes if i want the drawing to feel like him rather than be an exact representation i accentuate the roundness of his shoulders, increase the size of his shoulder muscles, and narrow the width of his waist. its more the impression of him than reality. very much a caricature.

but then theres times when i am simply studying and admiring his form

including the softness that tends to settle around his waist that i think is beautiful

the thing is with me and drawing... its less about drawing the body - im not interested in perfection or the right number of abs or shoulder to hip ratio or sharp muscle definition - i am drawing geno and the body is what comes with that. its why im drawing him and not some random underwear model. because he is what i want to draw and studying anatomy is the secondary goal. the exaggerated drawings are fun, they are me trying to turn geno into a larger than life character, make him a superhero

while still keeping him Geno

the ones where i am seriously looking... just absolutely studying the reality of his body.... those are way more intimate. those drawings are worshipping everything

every fold and shape of him

even if im not drawing every detail

and honestly my favorite drawings arent even the anatomy studies, my favorite ones are the drawings that are more personality than physical (but the underlying beauty of his physique cannot be denied)

the ones that just feel like him while also being about his body

so that is my defense of my own attempts at idealizing the male form.

thank you for putting up with my rant, lol.

[67bottles-of-milk]

a little bit of makeup

This is a treat for myself for finishing my exams last month (it sucked so much ass). A lot shorter than I normally like to write but I have plans. Big ones.

~700 words

—

“No, stop, sit still.”

“But my leg’s cramping, I need to move.” 

“Absolutely not, lose your leg for all I care, you will sit still because if I fuck up your eyeliner now, I’m gonna have to wipe it all off and start all over again.” You looked pointedly at Jason, leaning awkwardly over him, elbows braced on his shoulders to steady your hands. After a week of convincing, he finally caved in letting you do his makeup. After an hour of meticulous focus and attention to detail, you were on the final steps; eyeliner and lashes. 

Despite your pointed remarks and even sharper glare, he continued to shuffle uncomfortably, trying to move his leg out from under the other one. With a heavy sigh, you sat back on the bed and waved a hand. 

“Fine, move your leg. I suppose I prefer you with both since you can carry me better.” Instantly, Jason was sitting with his legs crossed with his hands reaching for your waist to pull you into his lap. “You know what, this is a much better angle. Maybe you should've moved sooner.” His deadpan stare was met with a cheeky smile. 

“Yeah. Why didn’t I think of that? It’s not like I’ve been asking to move for thirty whole minutes now.” His stare was a lot less menacing when his eyes were shadowed in a soft pink and his lips were glossy in the light of the lamp set up to the side.

“Details, details. What matters now is two things. 1, I can get a much better wing on you from this angle and B, you are so much easier to kiss from a higher angle.” To prove a point, you put aside the eyeliner pen in your hand to cup his jaw in both hands and press a long kiss to his lips. On instinct he leaned into your touch, flexing his fingers against your waist. 

“Aww man, I smudged it.” You frowned, reaching out a thumb to wipe the pigment from under his lip. Even from its place on his jaw, you could feel the warmth as Jason’s entire face and neck flushes from the action. A teasing smile replaced the pout on your face as the man in front of you turned his head away.

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear it. That was hot. End of.” 

“Alright, Gorgeous, whatever you say. Now let me finish your eyeliner.” You picked the pen back up and tilted his head back. “Close your eyes. Please don’t flinch.” He flinched. It didn’t smudge but the angle wasn’t quite what you were hoping for. It was fine, you could make it work. 

“Are we still going for coffee after this?” He asked, voice low. 

“Yeah, let me just get a couple pictures when I’m done so we can get this washed off before we go.” You said, leaning back and turning his head side to side, checking the wings were even. At that, he opened his eyes and gave an odd glance your way. 

“Why would I wash it off? Baby, you’ve spent like what? An hour on this. I’m not just gonna wash it off straight away. That would be such a waste! I’m keeping it on, we’re getting coffee, maybe some late lunch, and when we get home, then we can wash it off.” Now it was your turn to be confused.

“But.. wouldn’t you be embarrassed to be wearing makeup in public?” You couldn’t quite understand. Your previous boyfriend wouldn’t even let you do the most basic makeup on him, let alone a full face. But Jason was willing to not only keep it on for more than a few pictures but also go out for an extended period of time where so many people would see? It seemed unthinkable. 

“You telling me men can’t wear makeup? Sweetheart, I think Dickwing would die if he couldn’t,” Jason joked as his hands rubbed soothing circles into your skin. “Besides, I look fucking fantastic. Why wouldn’t I want to show off my gorgeous girl’s hard work?” You conceded with a small grin. 

“Okay, whatever you say, Jay. BUT. We’re getting you a good outfit to go with it. I am not having you go out in full glam and a damn hoodie and sweats. You’re better than that.” 

[thelovetheystole]

This is going to be another long and possibly unpopular detail deep dive and my opinions on them.

The Letter

Robert did contact Aaron, he did explain, and he did apologise. I see a lot of posts claiming that he never did any of those things, but he absolutely did. And Aaron was never as angry at Robert when he was in prison as he is now he's seen him in person, which means his anger is mostly a way to protect himself. In fact, he defended Robert to John, and remembered him fondly after Rebecca's death. He said what they had was "everything" back in November, whereas now he claims it was all chaos and John is so much better for him.

Victoria

Robert did not completely cut Victoria off, there are lots of scenes that proves they were in contact over the years. In the last mention on the subject, we found out via Ross, that Robert was the one that seemed disappointed that Victoria wasn't in touch with him, or with Rebecca and Seb, very often. Which is why Vic didn't know Rebecca had been dead for three months.

Also, Victoria said Robert hadn't allowed her to visit "for ages", she didn't say "ever". And they were clearly in touch in other ways, as when she met John, telling Robert about him was one of her first thoughts.

Seb's Custody

I see people discuss this, but it's often overlooked that the only reason Seb currently lives with Rebecca's aunt is because Robert signed off on it, meaning he had power that the aunt, social services (and Ross) didn't. If Robert didn't have those parental rights, they wouldn't have needed his signature. That means Robert probably still has some legal say now, which is what made Ross wonder if Robert "wants him back".

Speaking of Ross, he had no rights when Rebecca died, and he has even less now Robert's out. Let's also remember Ross hasn't been able to visit Seb since, because the aunt doesn't like him, lol.

On the topic of Ross and Rebecca, they were never married and they had been broken up for months already when she died. Ross also doesn't seem to have shared legal custody of his son Moses, so why would he prioritize Seb?

Liv

If Robert hadn't turned himself in, Aaron wouldn't have had the chance to say goodbye to Liv at the time of her death. I'm saying this, because canon would simply never have seen another outcome than Liv dying in the village. A move to the Isle Of Wight for Aaron was never going to happen, and certainly not for Liv.

Also, at the time of Liv's death, Aaron was in serious relationship with someone else, so to me, it's baffling that anyone thinks the person being targeted and bullied in prison would have had any resources to help a grieving Aaron.

The person who should have been there for Aaron at that time, aside from his partner Marco, was Chas. She failed him at that time, not the person Aaron actually signed papers to divorce. I hate that that guilt is being put on Robert's shoulders. Aaron was in Milan, Italy when grieving Liv, and not exactly in contact with the people in the village, including Vic. But also, Marco wasn't his only support in Milan, Adam was there as well!

Morals/Trauma

Also, these posts about how Robert needs Aaron to be his moral compass and keep him from doing "bad" things? I'd say, if that was even a thing, that very much goes both ways. Since not being with Robert, Aaron has participated in a lot of morally questionable (seducing and humiliating Ethan over it in public), illegal (stealing money, cars, smart watches) and violent (almost killing both Cain and Anthony) stuff, which has always been put down to him losing Robert and Liv, and various other traumas.

What Robert is doing now, some basic scheming, on the back of almost six years of prison trauma on top of losing every person in his life, his home, his career, his money and his freedom, is literally nothing.

I'm aware the writers can change things however they want and that some things get forgotten (sometimes even om purpose) 🙂

I just wanted to write this down on my blog, because it's been on my mind a lot, and it's how I feel. I'm a stickler for details, and also for things to be treated fairly 🤷‍♀️

[burningcheese-merchant]

Immediately subscribed to your new fic. Idek timekeeper cookie well because I only play kingdom, but holy fuck that was a hell of a beginning. I’m so excited to see where you and the artist take this!!

Golden Cheese was so in character that I could hear her lines perfectly voice acted in my head. Im so scared for her lol because Timekeeper is so unpredictable and impossible for Golden Cheese to hide from, so there’s no telling if she can satisfy timekeeper’s discontentment over her and Burning Spice’s routine. She’s even more isolated than in the original beast yeast story, because not only is Smoked Cheese gone, but her kingdom and friends have never even existed yet. Nobody knows her and she knows no one, she probably hasn’t even been born yet technically. What’s worse is that she’s too exhausted to defend herself, and the first person she sees is the one who (technically) defeated her so easily, only with double the power since his souljam hasn’t split. There’s absolutely no way she’s gonna be able to keep calm in the next chapter haha, but I’m so curious to see where this goes for her!

Speaking of Smoked Cheese, his abrupt disappearance was both so funny and worrying at the same time lmao. I knew he wasn’t going to be a major character in this fic, but now he’s just???? Gone????? He could be dead, he could be in a whole new timeline, back at the kingdom, or who the fuck knows where. He doesn’t even have the luxury of knowing who Timekeeper is, much less why she sent him wherever he is. And if he’s like Golden Cheese where he’s in a completely different point in time, then he’s not only got his own mortality to worry about—since he’s only being kept alive by a souljam he’s no where near—but he’s also got to look out for Mozzarella and Burnt Cheese too, since he still has their soulcheeses (or whatever the human equivalent is to that) with him. Idk what your plans are for him if any, but it’s got me on the edge of my seat haha.

And Burning Spice was also so in character, I love seeing how much thought was put into it. His brutality has a clear purpose, and it was snuffed away from him so quickly. He also has no idea who’s behind this, but he’s lost his other half, and has no clues on where to find her. He’s got an unfinished fight, the spark of a new obsession burning in him, and absolutely no way to satisfy either. If you decide to do a back and forth between the past and present in this timeline, then I’d love to see how he decides to try to find her. Does he get desperate enough to ask the other beasts for help, or even the other ancients? Would he try destroying what remains of her kingdom to lure her out? Would he find timekeeper somehow, or any hints as to what he was helpless to stop??

And the herald!! I hardly ever see any depictions of him in fan work (which is surprising since I’m pretty sure he’s the only beast with a pre-corrupted, unshadowed sprite? Unless sage of truth counts idk lol), but already he’s a complete contrast to his beastly self. Even in her panicked state, Golden Cheese is able to see how much different he is. Would he be able to recognize the souljam she has, or does he think a new virtue has been made by the witches? Has he ever handled someone so furiously terrified of him before? How long is it going to take him to help get her comfortable enough that she isn’t expecting death at his hands?

And of course, the art and writing style for this fic is incredible. Like the way you write definitely deserves to get into a published book, I love how you build up momentum and really get into the minds of the characters. And the art is just stunning, the detail and perspectives are so impressive. It felt like looking through a movie’s storyboard.

I’m so hyped to see where you both take this story! I’m looking forward to seeing the ao3 email for each update!!

Ohhhh I'm all rosy cheeked reading this. I'm so happy you enjoyed the chapter so much ❤️ even despite not knowing Timekeeper that well haha. (This is why I encourage CRK players to also play Ovenbreak, it's got a lot of great characters and plotlines too!) I've been so worried for so long that I would mess the chapter up and get off on the wrong foot, looking it over after full completion and seeing it's decent (as well as watching it be well-received) is such an honest relief

I don't know about me being in a published book though 😅 there are plenty of writers far better than me that deserve to hear that more. I doubt I or this fic will ever get the popularity and praise Jambound and its author get, for example haha. But I'm still touched you'd go so far as to compliment me like this. I always loved writing, it's a comfort and an adventure for me, the fact that I do sometimes manage to write something others besides myself can and do enjoy makes me beyond happy!

As for all of your thoughts and theories about how the story might progress... they're all very interesting 👀 very interesting indeed. Let's see how right or wrong you end up being about anything in the future, hm? (I wish I could go more into depth but I can't spoil anything :( some of your questions, won't say which ones, will be answered in the next chapter, I can say that much! And I'm already working on it, so stay tuned!)

Also, I'm very much with you with the lack of Herald of Change content. Burning Spice content in general tbh imo. Burning Spice has always been the middle child of the Beasts, unfortunately, with Devsis AND the fandom. No countdown, lame merch, episodes were rushed, we didn't get to know his character or motivations well enough so we have to fill in the gaps ourselves (the few that bother, anyway. Most everyone just thinks he turned evil because muh boredom and that's it), no proper exploration of his relationship with Golden Cheese (which is absurd, they can and should (and do, if you look closely enough) have the same intimate and complex connection that we got to see Shadow Milk+Pure Vanilla and Hollyberry+Eternal Sugar have. Cheese is his other half, his opposite, his mirror reflection, the person he should've been. There's so so so much potential chemistry between them and I'll never forgive Devsis for botching it and the fandom dismissing it while putting ShadowVanilla and EternalBerry on a pedestal (not that I don't like either of them, I love them too). But that's what we're here for, the BurningCheese fans and the general Burning Spice fans that actually give a damn about him lol. And me. Me most of all. Me more than everyone else ever. Merchant to the rescue!!)

[theecarcrash]

LADY CERSEI LANNISTER OF HOUSE LANNISTER

First tumblr post, i’ve had it since i was old enough to own a phone but still don't know fully how it works 😃 i will however prevail.

I present to you, Lady Cersei of House Lannister :

She is unfinished, obviously, and the colour added is mostly for me to know more or less what i want when time comes to ruin it all with my shitty colouring skills 🙃 some lines are too rough or downright bad to me but that’s a whole other issue. I do want to give a fiercer look when I come back to her.

It’d be kind of boring to just abandon her there for y’all to peep at, even more so when she’s not even finished, so i’m just gonna share my references/inspirations and thought-process for some things :)

Actress Esther Nubiola, more specifically in Tirant lo Blanc (2006), was my face-claim for this one. I was going for a young Cersei, set before Robert’s Rebellion, though I think she’s wonderful for the main-timeline as well. She rocks the green to me, her expression screams smug little Cersei, and her features are pretty regal (which is what I look for most when thinking of her).

My little doodle doesn’t do her justice, but hopefully we can say yet.

The style of the gown was inspired by the first one ! It’s simple at first glance, but there’s a whole lot of details (neckline, sleeves, patterns) that elevate it, and just make it look so much nobler. Tudor-style. The pink was change to Cersei’s preferred green.

I did try to incorporate the damask patterns as well, though I decided a bit later to lean more into the second pic’s style than the first one’s. They don’t translate well enough in my drawing as I just winged it. I was thinking of making them less leafy-and-floral, and lean more into something that resembles wildfire, hence the colour.

The neckline is square, and the trim’s decorations seemed to be pearls or something of the sort in the reference, but—of course—I made it red. Rubies or garnets. Lannisters can and will afford it, especially if it’s during Cersei’s time in King’s Landing with Tywin. You don’t see it much, but the sleeves are meant to be fitted at the shoulders, and the length of them meant to form a sort of bell shape as they go down.

Her jewellery is gold (what else could it be ?), though my colour is really bad and only so dull so I can differentiate it from the rest. As for the gemstones, it’s emeralds and rubies all the way.

Her earrings are literally just the reference���they’re big, but simple enough that don’t draw attention away from her face. They’re buried in her hair either way.

Her necklaces are a bit different, but they’re linked to the Lannister lion all the same.

For the first, the collar-style choker is quite exactly the same, though the wolf-head was changed to a lion’s one—maw open to keep a little gemstone in its mouth. In the reference, the stars are eight-pointed, but here they’re seven-pointed as a little nod to the Faith.

The second one, if I’m not mistaken, is straight up from the show. I found it actually a nice piece in and of itself, but the torso seemed too empty so I decided to make it a sort of long chain instead. The three medallions aren’t close to the collarbone or neck, they’re more like pendants. Since they’re just dangling there, I still can’t say if I want them to be flat as coins or genuine spheres 🤔

As for the hair… I can’t imagine book!Cersei, at least as a young woman, willingly cutting her hair short. To me, she’d have a whole mane of curly blond hair, and she’d be so proud of it she wouldn’t bother with braids or any sort of excessive styling. Here, she just pulls it back some to free some of her face.

This whole rant has finally come to an end ! It was fun to get back into drawing more seriously when I’ve been more focused on writing lately. The most art I did consisted of trees and suns on some page’s corner. She’s still a work in progress, but hopefully I don’t fuck her up 🥹

If you have any advice or suggestions so we can make her better or something like that, don’t hesitate to share it !

on that note, see you soon if any of you come from my other socials, or till next time for those that plan to stay 👋

[sabos-husband]

★ Guiding Me to You

Nami x Reader ★

No Spoilers!! ~ Straw Hat!Reader ~ Gender Neutral ~ Fluff

a/n: I thought this was such a cute idea, and Nami needs some more love! No warnings for this one! I just had to get this out for our lovely navigator's birthday <3

Nami had chatted happily about all sorts of nothings with you. You were one of the few crew members who visited Cocoyashi Village, so it made it easier to speak about sweet topics without the need for its suffocating backstory.

That is, until Nami casually mentions she'd never flown a kite before. It's like you can hear the Grand Line go silent. She gives you a strange look.

"You haven't flown a kite?" You ask curiously.

She blinks. "Have you?"

"Well- Hey, that's not the point!"

Nami tosses her head back and laughs, hand poised over her crossed legs. You lean forward, palms pressed into the deck.

You and Nami had been getting closer, especially after the crew got Robin and Usopp back. It was a natural progression, one that you cherish with all your heart, because she's a wonderful girlfriend. You love her with all your heart.

So much so, you've decided to rectify her kite-lessness immediately. It's an odd mission, sure, but the sweet smile you receive when you declare this mission makes it worth every effort.

Whether or not you had the skills to pay the bills was irrelevant (metaphorical bills—no one tell Nami)! Your girlfriend had some core memories to be making, damn it!! Nothing's getting in your way!!

~

Presently, there are at least three things getting in your way.

One: There aren't any kites on the ship.

Two: You're... not quite sure how to get a kite, let alone make one.

Three: You are currently on a devoted voyage on the Grand Line, home to the most unpredictable weather anyone could fear to dream of.

The first two can be solved hopefully quite easily, depending on how you play your cards.

The third—well, you'll cross that bridge when you get there. No big deal! Who even needs the details, anyways? You're a pirate with a plan!

Making your way up this molehill-turned-mountain, you decide to swing by the workshop under the Sunny's deck. You find Franky elbow-deep in some sort of project you can't make heads or tails out of—which is impressive, really, considering the man's got such massive arms. It's natural that you immediately pivot to drape your dramatic self along the back of Usopp's chair.

The sharpshooter doesn't look up at your antics. He remains hunched over his project, careful hands holding careful tweezers. You can barely see what he's so focused on, since you can't see his eyes through his goggles.

His hands maneuver his tools carefully along his newest invention's delicate pieces. It's like they're part of his body—not even in Franky's mini hands way. It's sorta mesmerizing, now that you look.

No- Damn it, stay focused!

"Hey," you mutter, "Usopp. I need your help."

The man gives you an indignant huff. "The great God Usopp is busy performing miracles to offer you one."

"Oh, har har." You push yourself to stand, swiveling around to hitch your hip and half-sit on the crowded desk. You ignore how he squawks when your movement shoves some things or others. "It's important! It's Nami."

He glares at you halfheartedly, sitting up just a little straighter. "Everything Nami is important to you."

"Yep!" You grin. "So, won't you help me?"

The inventor fumbles over his project for a moment, if only to keep up his uninterested facade, before he finally pushes away the tiny little thing.

He pulls off his goggles, raising an eyebrow. "What is it?"

"It's something only a genius could help me with, that's what."

Usopp's lip twitches in a knee-jerk smile. He looks up, swiping his thumb under his nose. "You've found the right person, then."

"Good!" You clap your hands together. Even now, the gears are turning in your head. It has to be perfect. It has to.

~

Usopp, it turns out, was the perfect guy to ask. He brags for minutes on end about the Usopp pirates, accomplishing reconnaissance missions with different flying objects.

They were all kites, of course, which Usopp swore had different cameras and snipers and all sorts of fantastical elements to keep the quaint little Syrup Village safe! It made you smile.

He ends up slapping together some kites—his words, not yours, since you'd bet berri on the fact his "rush job" is better than what you could ever do—for you both to decorate.

Finally, problems one and two were knocked out of the park, sorta. You stare at the blank canvases.

"Um..." You tilt your head. "So?"

Usopp's lips pull back into a cheek-splitting grin. "What, it's your gift; you an' I gotta work together here!"

~

Three hours (and your captain's intervention) later, you had enough kites for the crew.

You're not sure what about arts and crafts enticed your captain so, but Luffy had gotten his hands on a kite and a paint bucket. Neither you nor Usopp had the heart (or the strength, really) to take it away from him.

Standing up, you inch closer and closer to his desk with your hands behind your back.

He looks up at you with a satisfied expression. "Have you come to admire the master in his element?"

The crimson kite was gorgeous, with its domineering wings spread and a fierce, glowering face. It kind of reminded you of a certain other dragon.

You burst into laughter. “Is that the dragon from Robin's book?”

Ever the creative mind, Usopp puffed up his chest. “What a sharp eye! Though my artistic rendition is masterful, if I do say—"

“—You couldn’t think of any other dragon?”

His confidence faltered. “I- Well- I couldn't do any of the dragons I've fought! I know them, y'know, it’s too personal.”

Smiling, you made grabby hands, to which the sniper obliged. He hands you the other kite Luffy had gotten ahold of. Turning it in your hands, you see the side that'll face the sky is accidentally painted. You bite down a bark of laughter—the splattered reds, dopey eyes, and wonky lines scream Luffy at him. It’s adorable.

"It sure has personality," you offer.

Usopp waves it off, taking the kite back possessively. “So? Where’s yours?”

Smiling wide, you flash your white kite. It was a News Coo; with the bag painted in muted browns and the wings fastened with streamers, it was cute, if you say so yourself (and you do!).

Usopp reaches for it as well, so you pass the kite over. He turns it over, clearly too conscious of its fragility, all while nodding appreciatively.

Pushing away from his work station, Usopp huffs and smiles. "She'll love it."

~

Your third problem rears its ugly head when your girlfriend bursts into the galley with a determined shout.

"All hands on deck!" The door threatens to rip itself from her hands. "We've got a storm on our hands in half an hour sharp!"

The crew's on their feet the moment Nami's sentence ends.

Hands pull at ropes and crewmates steer the ship—you can barely pull yourself out of her orders to snag Nami by her arm.

"Hard to starboa—"

"—Wait!" You gasp, chest heaving with excited breath. "Do me a favor! Please?"

Nami's eyebrows furrow. "What?"

"Well-.. Can we stay in the storm? Just a little bit?"

"...What?"

"For the wind!"

Nami stares at you for half a second—all she can spare when she's trying to pull the Straw Hats out of the devil's way—before she huffs. "Fine."

"Yes!" You give her a quick peck on the cheek before you peel out of the way. "Thanks, I owe you one!"

She blinks twice before she laughs. You're so odd sometimes.

Fifteen minutes of sharp instructions and harsh directions pull you out of the potential eye of this storm, with the only trace being the harsh draft pulling at the sails.

Perfect.

You're in and out of the workshop within the minute. Usopp can't even see you zip through before you're back on the deck with the kite you painted.

"Nami!"

An angel taking perch, the navigator turns to you, tucking her windswept hair to curl behind her ear. "Yeah?"

You present the kite (with no small amount of anxiety). "Do you- um, have a moment?"

She blinks.

"You didn't."

"I did?"

Scarily blank, her eyes dart from the kite in your hands to meet your own gaze. "You did?"

Oh seas, you really hope this wasn't a bad idea. "I- I did."

She looks at you for an agonizingly long moment (it was a second, really) before she snickers.

You blink.

She giggles, hand poised over her mouth, before laughter spills out. She grabs your arm and shakes it, almost cackling with glee. "I'd love to!"

Your heart bursts with relief. "Good!"

It takes a few tries (it's been a while, alright?!) before either of you can get the kite in the air.

You toss the news coo into the air as Nami starts to run backwards; it's a short deck, all things considered, but the kite takes flight.

You whoop with glee as Nami laughs, leaning back as it cuts through the air. She looks between you and your creation, soaring on the leftover storm. The ribbons fluttering almost looks like magic.

Nami turns to you, sweet smile still on her lips, with a bright laugh. "This is amazing. What made you think of this?"

You jog over before you sidle up behind her like it's habit. Your hands hover over her wrists, ready to catch or steady your shared kite. It was also an excuse to avoid her keen eye, but she didn't have to know.

"You've just," you start slowly, "always been so good to us. To me. I just thought... You also deserved something nice." You rest the bridge of your nose along the slope of her shoulder. "I wanted you to- y'know, have a little fun."

Wrapped up in your arms, you can feel Nami melt into your hold.

"I..." She swallows faintly. "Thank you."

"Mhm." You lean forward to brush a kiss against her lips. "Happy birthday, Nami."