#these extremely bigoted behaviors are what the absolute wants and needs out of someone like minthara

[trappedinafantasy37]

This post most certainly highlights a major fandom problem, not that OP has done anything wrong, but that other people fail to look at things from the characters perspectives rather than their own. It is super easy for people to label Minthara as a man hater because of the one out of context line that she has. A line that is geared specifically towards a male drow. People also needlessly hate on her for her interactions with Gale and her third-son comment, and wildly twist it out of proportion and perceive it as being misandrist. I have even heard some people go as far as claim that Minthara is telling Gale to kill himself in this scene. I mean, if there is anyone who is undoubtably on the “Gale, don’t kill yourself train”, it is Minthara. The third son comment isn't Minthara in anyway joking that Gale should die because he is a man, but more her teasing and joking that he's "worthless".

But when Minthara interacts with Gale and says these out of pocket things, she isn’t focusing on the fact that he is a man, but that he is a wizard. That is the trait that she is highlighting when speaking to and about him. And to her, wizards in general have quite a bit of traits that she doesn’t like or in Menzoberranzan culture, is seen as undesirable. And as OP mentioned, wizards are sycophants, attaching themselves to people (generally women) as a method of seeking power. This type of behavior to her is a masculine characteristic, one that she does look down on. And her initial comments about Gale are not necessarily wrong because Gale is attached to a woman, Mystra. In fact, most wizards are attached to Mystra specifically (and there are a few notable exceptions for wizards who find some other Weave, but they are exceptions not the norm). So it is of no coincidence when Minthara is giving Gale a pep talk and basically says that Gale can be powerful without Mystra. That Mystra does not define his power, Gale does. She is telling Gale to stop being a sycophant, stop being so masculine, and take charge of your life and seek ambition on your own. To her, that is the trait that is desirable, that is the trait worth having, and she sees that potential within Gale.

There was also an essay that I was typing up but discarded involving some braindead theories of mine that I have about her and Orin. One of the things that I noted is that in the throne room, Minthara will make a mention that we now know that Ketheric wasn’t working alone. I found this to be very strange because by that point, Minthara already knew about Orin. So, why is she surprised that Orin is involved in this?

But then I realized, up until that point, Minthara perceived Orin as being of a lesser station than Ketheric rather than and equal, and thought Ketheric alone held the reigns of the Absolute. So when she met these two for the first time, she did not immediately presume that the woman was in charge. Why? Because she saw Orin as a sycophant, which she unironically is! Orin does not allow herself to exist in any context outside of Bhaal. Everything she does is for Bhaal, and that is it. Her taking out Durge wasn’t a power seeking move, but an attention seeking move. Orin wanted the love and adoration of the cult, not the power that came with being Chosen. Minthara even criticizes Orin for being a devoted daughter who would do anything to please Bhaal. And that criticism also mixes with Minthara's religious nature as to her, devotion should be about genuine faith rather than attention seeking and to just merely please one's god. If you ask Minthara if Orin is an "old flame" Minthara quickly shuts that down because Minthara isn't attracted to Orin because Orin has the most annoying masculine traits she can think of.

The analysis that Minthara's perception is based upon behaviors and traits, rather than gender is spot on. To her, behaviors are common amongst certain genders and gender identities, but even Minthara recognizes that people of specific sexes are not predisposed to certain behaviors. The traits she admires or even scoffs at are not gendered traits because to her, anyone can fit the bill. Certain behaviors are only regarded as masculine or feminine because certain groups of people would engage with them in Menzoberranzan. And in Menzoberranzan, feminine traits are good, masculine traits are bad. This definitely reflects within Minthara's behavior and the way she interacts with the companions. But it isn't, "so and so" is lesser because they are a man, but because they keep doing masculine things and it's annoying. But she can also admire the companions who do exhibit specific feminine traits.

Another example I want to point out is Wyll. To someone like her, a man like Wyll has the potential to take on feminine characteristics (and I mean feminine in the Menzoberranzan definition of what is feminine). Minthara overall has a rather positive opinion of Wyll and is canonically attracted to him. Initially, she sees Wyll as a "spoiled son of a Duke", someone who is just running on the legacy of his father, rather than taking his name and doing something with it, as that is the expectations someone of her station would have. And so when it comes down to the pact, Minthara makes it very clear she would rather Wyll break the pact and then go down the path of becoming a Duke. When Wyll breaks the pact, Minthara will say something like "patricide is the first step to greatness". However, in drow culture, there is really not much to gain by killing one's father, but the mother. But she understands that the roles are reversed on the surface and understands that killing the father is the surface equivalent of killing one's mother in Menzoberranzan. (She will also say something in regards to Shadowheart killing her parents and refer to it as a "rite of passage"). Minthara also encourages Wyll to go down the path of becoming a Duke and take advantage of his namesake, an expectation that Minthara herself would have to live up to as a Baenre.

And then going over to Shadowheart, Minthara will approve of Shadowheart killing her parents. As I mentioned, she sees it as a rite of passage. In her Dark Justiciar route, Minthara immediately takes that as a sign that Shadowheart is ready to be a leader, because that is what it would mean in the Underdark. In her Selunite path, she also says it is a rite of passage, but given the context of the situation, she understands that there is no power to be found in this instance of killing her parents, but peace and freedom from Shar's grasp. Regardless of the reasons why Shadowheart kills her parents, Minthara still approves of it because to her, children killing their parents means they are ready for life. I have even made a note more than once on how Shadowheart's story down the DJ path is incredibly reflective of Menzoberranzan culture and hierarchy. I mean, you have Viconia, the High Priestess who has self appointed herself as the Matron mother ("Mother Superior") of the "House of Grief" in which the only way for Shadowheart to gain power and control is to kill her mother. It is also no coincidence that Minthara is canonically attracted to Shadowheart because Shadowheart exhibits every feminine trait that Minthara would see as desirable back home.

taps mic

minthara

*uproarious applause*

okay so like. obviously everyone here knows and understands mintharas romance route is fucking incredible, like we are ALL on the same page here and telepathically communicating our agreement. shes a compelling fascinating character with a fantastic blend of firmly held political beliefs and hypocrisy and surprising mindfulness that makes her a thrill in any party, playing good OR evil.

her character is absolutely magnetic, made all the more enthralling by her stellar voice work and delightful party banter

so. we all know why WE love minthara. but something I find equally engaging is why SHE likes US. the way the companions experience desire is already more interesting and in depth than a lot of older, more familiar rpgs that have to make sure companions are equally approachable regardless of how exactly you spent those many hours in character creation, with actions and dialogue choices capable of boosting their opinions and engaging their romantic interests being accessible more or less regardless of playstyle. this is what gave rise to the dreaded "player-sexual" term: a romancable npcs who seems utterly devoid of sexuality or desire EXCEPT for your player character specifically, regardless of gender options selected at the very beginning. the dialogue options presented are so personalized and plot relevant as to reveal nothing at all about their lives outside of the narrative, and any ambient party chatter is loose and vague enough as to avoid potentially turning an interested player away. the end result is an npc who is technically canonically bisexual, but avoids engaging with sexuality or desire in any meaningful way and only expresses that bisexuality exclusively through the fact the player can choose either of two gender settings at creation before romancing them.

minthara, and all of the origin companions, are NOT that, thank GOD. the degrees to which companions openly discuss their desires vary, but are nonetheless fairly consistently present, but we arent here for them. we are here for lolths specialest princess and her 4d8 smite not including paralyzing critical damage. and minthara specifically is a fun choice for analysis because she is Loudly and Proudly Menzoberranzan. which means WE get to play with drow gender politics and cultural influence on the expression of gendered desire! YIPPEE

okay so the biggest misunderstanding I get repeated by people who kill minthara at the grove is that she hates men. which is crazy because, last time I checked, her personalized greetings actually only check for being a high elf of any gender, being a drow man, or being a drow woman, and everyone else gets a more generic true soul greeting. and i KNOW most of these people arent playing male drow. she MIGHT call female true souls sister offhandedly when she implores you to attack the grove, but admittedly its been a while since I checked her dialogue and this is an off-the-top-of-my-head ramble and not a cited analysis. anyways back on topic. minthara is pretty openly biased against drow men, specifically, which continues to a lesser degree even after being rescued from moonrise, but is highly contextual and pointedly SPECIFIC. minthara does not, in my experience, make off the cuff derogatory comments towards men as a general thing. she has menzoberranzan politics and ideology, for sure, but her phrasing around those tends to be more careful (saying the honor of matricide better belongs to a daughter than a son, which really only tracks through the lens of menzoberranzan politics and less so through a lens of generalized man hatred).

something else that i think gets widely overlooked, (and this will be relevant), is that minthara is funny. she has a very flat deadpan style of humor that relies on a rugpull at the end for its punchlines. why exactly is this relevant, you may ask? well as i was discussing how minthara tends to specifically demean drow men, you may have thought to yourself "wait, but minthara says LOTS of rude things to my male party members ALL the time!" well. shes literally joking. and that isnt me speculating, either! if, playing as origin gale, you recruit minthara and spend your playthrough interacting with her, and survive to the epilogue party, you get a dialogue option remarking on how she consistently calls gale "the wizard". in that dialogue branch, minthara goes on to explain she has been consistently paying close attention to gale AND the kind of person she is, and says she does things like refuse to use him name SPECIFICALLY because she KNOWS hes taking it as teasing and that she enjoys doing that! we know gale tends to interpret minthara's harsher dialogue more positively just by his reaction to her recruitment, and this dialogue confirms its a two way street for them. her calling gale a third son after he asks if shes going to say something awful? thats them playing with each other. canonically. and this is consistent with ALL of the male companions! she playfully insults astarion by calling him a pleasure servant, knowing astarion prides himself on vanity and his good looks, and astarion responds equally playfully about how shes inadvertently complimented how beautiful he is, knowing she dislikes saying nice things so openly. minthara teases wyll about mizoras flirtatious nature and her MO of seducing people into pacts specifically because she knows he prides himself on being a slow burn romantic, and then teasingly compliments him by saying a failure to seduce him would be a bruise on her pride (revealing that she thinks highly enough of wyll to consider him a prize worth bragging about, even in the hypothetical context of an impartial one night stand).

mintharas FUNNY and while she rarely lets herself openly admire others, she DOES try to joke with them! understanding this about her recontextualizes a LOT of her party banter and makes a lot of her interactions more genuinely wholesome. the only male party member minthara actively dislikes is minsc, and its explicitly because he repeatedly refers to ass so often (in the context of butt kicking but. it IS a lot), and her tone there implies it has an objectifying feeling to it when minthara overhears the things minsc says.

minthara also openly admires gortash, repeatedly and without prompting, and she admires him specifically for a lot of the traits she finds enjoyable period. hes competent, pragmatic, and ambitious, but willing to compromise and ally himself with others if it suits him, and i feel like a more quote-unquote "misandrist" minthara would not so blatantly admire such a man for the very traits that allows one to excel in Lolthite society without making at least SOME passing mention of gender, at the very least something closer to her comments regarding dolors matricide. as far as ive experience, minthara only really brings up her explicitly gendered distaste ONLY in regards to drow men. minthara is generally fairly good at contextualizing her own experiences to the culture she was raised in, and avoiding generalizing those experiences to other cultures. shes MUCH more likely to assume something is specific to her home than assume it to be universally true, and i feel like this is especially true regarding gender politics. as far as i can recall, her only slipup is referring to the ruling body of baldurs gate as matriarchs before correcting herself to patriars, and pointedly those are both highly gendered terms associated with positions of political and familial power.

this has been a whole lotta Post about why minthara does not in fact Hate All Men, but thats honestly because theres just more to discuss there. minthara openly admires and desires women, and unlike some of her subtler character traits, minthara being sapphic is one of the few things people can pick up on right out the gate. there simply isnt as much to say here that doesnt veer into more cut and dry upfront aspects of mintharas desire, rather its how she engages with and desires masculinity that has the caveats here. mintharas desires in women are what she finds baseline attractive: she enjoys a go getter. she finds ambition and hungry power seeking to be attractive, and ruthless pragamaticism is a major selling point for her, and admirable all on its own. she enjoys when someone is coldly calculating, and she thinks its hot when you kill people and dont give a shit. none of these desires are gendered, rather, they are simply traits more common and encouraged among the women she grew up and around. these are not innately feminine traits, but they are culturally feminine in mintharas experience. in short, gortash is admirable because he acts like any other admirable drow woman minthara would find back home. minthara understands both of these things to be true: that this is not inherently gendered but simultaneously how SHE expresses her gender, and furthermore are culturally gendered from a society she admires and misses in equal measure (even if she no longer agrees with the underlying theocratic reasoning behind it).

things that are culturally feminine in menzoberranzan are her baseline point of desire in seeking a partner, and she seeks those traits in potential partners regardless of gender. however, things that are culturally masculine in menzoberranzan are general traits she finds distasteful. the gendered politics of menzoberranzan are such that the gendered role of a drow man is one of being a sycophant, one who bolsters his own social standing by attaching himself to a powerful woman and then people-pleasing enough to avoid being discarded. The role of being a drow man is one of debasement, victimization, asskissing, and servitude, with the permissible reactions to this role being a kind of desperate ambition to carve a bit more breathing room within the box without meaningfully breaking free of it (see: most wizards being drow men). And minthara almost universally dislikes all of that. However, something thats culturally masculine in AND out of menzoberranzan is a trait minthara DOES desire in her partners, with it even being one of her key emotional lynchpins: protectiveness. A lot of male drow consorts are expected to both go out of their way to protect and give their lives for their matriarchs, and the biggest threat to a matron mother is usually only other matron mothers, and the agents they move through. a consort CAN be weaponized as a threat in this way, but its more like poaching, in that a consort is promised a better position with a higher ranking house in return for aiding the destruction of his current house. In this way Menzoberranzan maintains its culture of duplicitious intrigue and discouraging vulnerability, while simultaneously having an admirable model of masculinity one can idealize in a culture that actively subjugates men as a gendered role.

The safest thing a drow man can be without being pathetic to the point of disdain, is a loyal guard dog. And thats something minthara openly craves in her partner, having someone to guard her back and protect her from threats, and more importantly someone to guard her vulnerability. minthara admires the culture of menzoberranzan, and views her childhood (and the traumas it inflicted) positively because of her pragmatic acknowledgement of her skillset, knowing that it would not be nearly so keenly focused and practiced had she not grown up the specific way she had. Simultaneously, the loneliness and paranoia it instilled in her is something she desperately wants relief from, and only really seeks that out from a romantic partner.

Mintharas bisexuality is so compelling to me because of how her desires are so couched in her heritage while she avoids removing them from that context. The things she wants, what she finds attractive, the traits that take her from a passing fascination to a deeply committed relationship, are gendered in a way that would make it difficult for her to be satisfied with the average gender conforming individual from her home city. And this is more or less confirmed by Minthara only really mentioning one actual lover, having a plethora of suitors instead. Minthara desires a partner who has to come off to her as feminine to be attractive, but masculine to fully commit to them, and that particular set of traits would be hard to reliably find in a society where gender dynamics are harshly enforced and strictly stratified. Its a very distinctly bi-and-pan experience where even if you DO find a partner thatd hypothetically pass as a het couple, you do so in such a way that fails to conform to the gendered norms of your partnership and STILL manages to trip flags for being queer even if your literally a m-f couple.

Its a deeply lonely experience that echoes so much of mintharas character, that i find it difficult to engage with her narrative without coming back to HOW minthara experiences attraction in the first place, what she wants and how she wants it and who she wants it from and when she feels shes allowed to have it. Her romance route is endlessly rewarding to me because of it, engaging with this deeper level of her character and her desires and how she expresses them and how Minthara herself interacts with gender roles in the context of drow expressions of romance and sexuality (not even getting to her alurlssrin dialogue! an eilistraean expression of love!!) and its just SO immediately interesting and engaging that even though minthara has a full act LESS of general content, she manages to be equally as dynamic and in depth as most of the origin companions.

i just. love minthara and i love the way she loves.

[lady-fey]

The Two Types of Redemption

Aka, why Avatar’s story works when so many others don’t.

There are two main paths to redemption: a shift in perspective and a shift in personality. The first is quite common and works very well for a character arc. The second is incredibly rare and should only be used if you’re going to heavily focus on it. Unfortunately, the ‘personality shift’ path seems to be the go-to and, while there is absolutely nothing wrong with this type of story, it requires a ton of work to make it feel earned. Work that is often hand waved away.

To start, let’s define these paths.

A shift in perspective: your character is already a fundamentally ‘good’ person. They just have a messed up view of the world, likely due to their upbringing. During the story, their world view will be challenged, forcing them to realize that they’re on the ‘wrong’ side. The classic example of this is someone raised bigoted and then going to college or moving to a city and turning out accepting after being exposed to people of other races, sexualities, and so on.

A shift in personality: there is something fundamentally wrong with your character. The reasons for this are many and I’m not going to list them out, but they probably know that their behavior is unacceptable. They probably don’t think of themselves as being on the ‘right’ side or, if they do, it’s because they refuse to consider another perspective. During the story, they will have to do an incredible amount of work on themselves to try and completely change the way their brain is wired. The classic example of this is someone who goes through years and years of therapy.

Now I’m gonna talk about Zuko and Azula from Avatar because they’re extremely well-known characters, so most people on this site can read this without getting spoiled like they might with a lesser known property.

The reason why Zuko from Avatar has such a compelling story is that he’s a case of redemption through a shift in perspective. His personality doesn’t actually change. When we flash back to who he was as a child, it’s the same person that he ends up being as an adult. A loving, kind, honor-driven man who wants to be on the ‘right’ side. His only flaw is that he’s been raised in the Fire Nation, which means that his head is full of lies. Once he’s forced to interact with people on the other side of the war, he realizes that they’re not what he’s been told. This rocks him to his core and he struggles with it, but ultimately ends up giving up everything to be true to himself. To fight for honor.

His sister, Azula, never gets redeemed, but imagine if we put her in Zuko’s place and tried to tell the same story. It wouldn’t work because Azula delights in hurting others, something Zuko viewed as an unfortunate necessity of war. She views ruling as a way to gain power while Zuko views it as a burden taken on from duty to his people. To redeem Azula, you can’t just pop her in the Earth kingdom and make her see things from the other side. She actually does that and all that she sees is a great way to spy! Her redemption cannot be a passive one like Zuko’s was. It has to be an active focus of the story and would need her to want to seek help or have it forced on her.

Of course, there is a spectrum here, but the general principle that you can't lump all redemption stories together is an idea that often goes undiscussed, leading to characters like Azula getting treated like Zuko and it bothers me so you get a tumblr post about it!

As always, feel free to send me asks!

[cataclysmic-cadenza]

let me preface this with the fact that i agree with the vast majority of what you’ve said (just so you know i’m treating this as a good discussion and not an argument)!!

i don’t believe in any way that pwNPD should be enabled to be shitty or exempt from criticism if they are. and that goes for any disability. it is, and always has been, very difficult for me to function in ways that are considered ethical. but i’m fully aware that while it is not my FAULT, it is my responsibility to hold myself accountable. that’s how it is with pretty much any disability: it’s not fair, but you have to make sacrifices to be able to interact healthily with society. if i say something shitty to someone i care about, i won’t feel any remorse; im physically incapable of experiencing that emotion. but despite this, i will apologize (and not half-ass it) because although i don’t care about the small-scale situation at hand, i care about that person and care that THEY care about it (and if i never display that, i will be dropped eventually). i tend to think i’m better than most people, but do i go around saying that? absolutely the fuck not, no one likes extreme arrogance (which then means no one likes me). i need attention, but do i constantly place myself in the center or it? absolutely the fuck not, i will irritate everyone and make sure no one wants to give me any. i don’t give a damn about the things my friends traumadump on me about, but will i sit on the phone with them for three hours and provide whatever support they need? absolutely the fuck i will, how will i have friends otherwise? i hate my boss and my job and i’m too good for it, but will i still show up every day and ask her about her day while fantasizing about curbstomping her? yeah. it’s miserable but having no money is much more so. i feel atrocious amounts of shame, loathing, anxiety, and anger when someone ignores me, belittles me, doesn’t pay attention to me, or simply does not care about me, but will i crash out every single time? fuck no, that’s some lame shit.

all this to say that i am not a good person, everything i’ve listed is selfish. but i do good things and remain thoughtful with my actions because i cannot get the things i want and need (respect, admiration, love, power, attention, success) without reciprocating them to some degree. call me evil but is it really so bad to do genuinely good things with “bad intentions” when everyone involved is benefiting from it? i’ve never understood why my private thoughts and motivations are something anyone should care about. i see so many “narc abuse” victims doing despicable shit with “good intentions”. bitch i don’t give a kentucky fried fuck that your (not literally you) intentions were to support abuse victims and spread information, why the hell do you feel okay with saying we should all die and handing out tips to “destroy” us like we are monsters? girl you constantly use the medical term that my personality disorder is literally named as one of the worst insults you could be called.

my point in saying this is to compare what you’re asking us to do (begin the journey of unpacking the same traits we adopted in order to survive, while living in a society that actively rewards that same behavior when it’s displayed by neurotypicals) and what i’m asking people like OP to do (just use a different word and stop stigmatizing an entire group based off of information that is shady at best and absurd at worst). both are reasonable and healthy things that should be done. but the former is so much harder, and “narc abuse” victims never acknowledge this, all the while fighting tooth and nail to defend their right to continue doing shit that is stupidly easy to stop.

if you are not bigoted, why are you so protective of your ability to hate on an entire group that constantly begs you to stop? what, so you can have a term to describe abuse that’s not intrinsically linked to us whatsoever? it’s like white people that scream about their right to say the n word because black people aren’t slaves now, and so many songs say it, and you grew up the the hood, like- girl, okay??? why do you want to say it though?? white people saying the n word in a vacuum is not inherently bad, because no word is. its the connotations and history that make it harmful now. the same goes for the term “narcissistic abuse”: in a vacuum, it hurts nobody. it is a string of letters that attaches itself to no one. but we’re not in a vacuum, and if you’re completely aware that what you’re doing causes us immense pain, stigma, and hatred, why are you okay with doing it for something that helps you nowhere near as much as it hurts us?

PSA: No one is obligated to treat you kindly if you've already decided you're somehow above the effort of doing the same because of your alleged disorders/past traumas. If someone venting about their experience with a particular style of abuse strikes a nerve and feels personal to you, that actually says a LOT about you. Cuz people who walk around the pool are not the ones who get bent out of shape when the lifeguard yells at someone to stop running.

[rainbowsky]

I guess there is no other way for dd than playing along & publishing a propaganda song, but doesn’t he have any say in that? Is it because he is part of the party? I see the cover for this song is unmeaning, but dd seems so sure & righteous in his doings, expects it from others too, always standing behind the values of the ccp. How can someone queer come along with these values? Just because it’s his job? How can he reconcile that with his attitude towards his own feelings? thx as always ~♡

Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

This is in reference to a previous post.

There are so many layers to this question, and your ask rubbed me the wrong way a bit, Anon, is because it comes across - I’m sure completely unintentionally - as insensitive to some of those layers. But that could be because I’m very touchy about anything that might seem to denounce them for behaving within their circumstances.

Survival - Under such a regime, people will do what is expected of them for their own safety and well-being. Especially people who are from a targeted minority group such as anyone LGBTQ. This is just common sense, and we all need to have some compassion for the harsh realities GG and DD are dealing with. This is a regime that regularly commits horrible atrocities. To expect them to go against that regime in any way is to expect them to risk their safety and well-being. And for what? So that a few privileged international fans can feel better about the choices their idols make? Out of some misguided Western sense of ‘wokeness’? We all need to realize and respect just how serious the situation still is in China for queer people, particularly very high profile, enormously popular queer people with the most popular CP in the country, under a regime that has explicitly forbidden anything that might seem to promote homosexuality. Anything they need to do to protect themselves, I fully support unconditionally.

GG and DD are from a targeted group that is living under an often brutal, totalitarian, repressive, propagandistic regime that has been systematically rolling back LGBTQ rights. Anything they do relating to that regime should be carefully and compassionately considered from that perspective and through that lens. Just a few of the factors at play, here:

Misguided belief - Every country, every regime in the world raises their citizens with the values they want upheld by the population. Yes, even the supposed ‘free and democratic’ US of A. Some of those values will absolutely suck - for example, the idea that universal health care is not a human right, or that corporations should have more power than citizens. But when those values are the water you’re swimming in, it can sometimes be difficult to even separate yourself enough to see those values for what they are, let alone begin to examine and question them.

Celebrity image within a cultural context - There are many things that are going to be expected of GG and DD as celebrities within a sociopolitical climate such as the one in mainland China. Things that might be difficult for us to understand because we are so far removed from the cultural and political realities they are working within. Especially in a place like China, no celebrity is going to be allowed to go very far if their behavior and speech in any way goes against the image of what the regime wants the public to follow. Every celebrity is going to be a mouthpiece on some level for whatever the regime wants to be expressed and upheld. If we want to keep seeing GG and DD in dramas and variety shows and performances, we’re just going to have to accept that.

Personal values - Whether some fans like it or not, some of the values that are voiced or upheld by GG and DD are going to reflect their own genuine beliefs and values based on their own life experience. For example, it’s possible (and it’s impossible to say for certain) that DD is very against drugs. Anti drug messaging might rub some international fans the wrong way given the progressive values we often hold about drug use, but it’s DD’s own right to hold his own views and express them in the world. It would be pretty sad if we reject someone - someone whose views are often repressed by their circumstances - for expressing the few genuinely held views they actually are able to openly discuss. Again, this is not a claim about how DD feels about drugs, it’s just an example I’m using to make a point. They have the right to their own conscience, and to hold and uphold whatever values they choose to.

Patriotism - Most of us love our countries. Why should GG and DD be any different? Do they not have the right to love and support their country, even in spite of some of the ways their country makes their lives more difficult? People these days are fond of painting things as black and white, but there is real nuance to most things in life. I loved my family, for example, despite the fact that they were extremely bigoted toward me and my values. I loved them while hoping they would grow and change over time. I’m sure it’s probably no different for GG and DD living in a country like China. We can love our countries while still wanting them to be better and do better. Most of us have mixed feelings about the complex issues in our lives.

So to answer your question, Anon, I’m sure that DD reconciles his feelings just fine, just as I reconcile my feelings for GG and DD just fine. It’s about accepting reality and making the most of the hand you are dealt. It’s about living the best life you can within the parameters you are given. It’s about loving someone for who they are.

And it’s not as difficult as it might seem. Remember, this is just their reality. To outsiders some of these issues and struggles might seem really crazy, harsh and difficult, but from the inside it’s just ‘normal’. What they’ve always known and lived with.

Of course I’m sure they struggle against things from time to time, and they certainly push the boundaries as far as they can, but I want them to be safe more than I want them to take a stand. By a huge, wide margin. So whatever they need to do to be safe and to be allowed to prosper, I trust their judgment and I leave it in their capable hands.

I will also add, as a final note, that we don’t really know their true feelings or values, nor do we know if they are ‘part of the party’. Let’s not forget that they aren’t free to fully express their opinions not just because they are Chinese, but also because they are celebrities.

And as we all know, this is utterly fake fan fiction. It would be completely foolish for anyone to think otherwise.

I have written a bit about this topic previously. That post can be found here.

[mumufic]

My ranty Author Notes to address questions on my Three Sisters fic

So, I feel like I should put up some notes on a number of recurring questions I get in the comments, for those who don’t really read my responses (because I do provide some detailed explanations for why certain things are happening in my fic, but I get it if sloughing through comments for insight isn’t your thing; it isn’t mine either, hence the A/N.)

Why is Lily so stupid / obtuse / blind about Snape? Let’s level-set a couple of things: A) Lily is about as Gryffindor as they come, and some of the more common character flaws of people who belong to that house is that they rather tend to think a lot less of situations before diving in. That’s the case for Lily in this fic. Snape was her first magical friend that she’d ever met. She cherishes that friendship because she knows it’s returned even though she might not agree with a lot of Snape’s beliefs, not to mention Snape was the first person who told her that all the strange things that have been happening to her was the result of her being magical. For a child feeling the otherness of her abilities so keenly around her perfectly normal, muggle working class family, that is a huge thing. For the first time, Lily thought she’d met someone who understood her and the things she could do, and for that to have happened to her as a child, the person who validates that part of her being is going to play a very central role in her life until she reaches a breaking point. In the books, that breaking point was when Snape’s bigotry included her. For the longest time, he’d always excluded her from his hateful rhetoric, and there’s passages in the books that support that. B) Lily is a kid. She’s 11, and she probably met Snape at a much younger age (I’m guessing around 8 or 9) Kids who value their friends can sometimes be stupidly loyal to them even when their friends are behaving badly. Why do you think peer pressure is such a huge thing among young people? It’s partly because they value the person who is their friend to the point of being foolhardy over said friend’s bad actions. C) A lot of Snape’s bigotry goes over Lily’s head, because she’s never been taught to find differences between magical and non-magical people. Her parents obviously love her and Petunia the same and for her, that means they’re no different. She doesn’t understand the superiority Snape feels over Petunia, and because she doesn’t understand it, and also because she’s just a stupid kid who doesn’t really know better or even understands the slurs that come out of Snape’s mouth, she doesn’t think too much of it. Notice that Lily actually does call him out when he’s being mean to Petunia in ways that she can understand, when Snape tells Petunia that he had no place being in Platform 9 3/4 for example. But then Snape follows it up with reasoning that seems to be perfectly sound - Platform 9 3/4 is a magical location; it might not be the best place for Petunia to be. As for the spoon encounter, Lily had some basic understanding of accidental magic, thanks to Holly, and mostly chocked up that unfortunate event to Snape’s accidental magic rearing up from Petunia’s mean-spirited taunting. Petunia isn’t innocent in that scene, if you go back to it and think critically on it, look at it in the eyes of a normal rational adult. She’s just presented as being sympathetic because the narration is from Holly’s POV, and Holly likes this Petunia and hates Snape absolutely. Lastly, pretty much everything I have on Snape during the Summer with the Evanses part of this story have a basis in canon. He was hateful to Petunia, but Lily constantly made excuses for him, thinking that he’s just mean in general because of his difficult family life. The same goes when they get to Hogwarts. Snape spouts the same bigoted things the Slytherin Purebloods say, and Lily makes excuses for him. That’s canon. Lily made excuses for Snape’s behavior to her sister and her friends (especially Mary, who was canonically muggleborn) until she found she couldn’t anymore because his hatefulness suddenly spilled over to include her. Does that make Lily stupid? Probably, yes. Does it make her human? Fucking hell yes, and anyone who thinks that they won’t behave that way have clearly never figured out conflicted love-hate relationships with toxic people, so good for you, but these things happen to others, and it shouldn’t be surprising. There’s a basis for this in reality, and there’s a basis for Lily’s blind loyalty to Snape in canon.  And barring all of that if you don’t agree, it’s my fic, and I choose to write her this way. If that makes her a stupid character and you think I’m assassinating Lily’s characterization from canon, your interpretation is valid, but so is my right to write what I want as long as I’m not making a cent off of this. Thanks.

Why is Sirius spouting the bigotry he vehemently disavowed in OoTP? And why did he call Holly a mudblood? I don’t know about you, but I think Sirius had to have been an extremely sheltered child, growing up in a magical house surrounded on all sides by a muggle neighborhood. I think he started questioning why he wasn’t allowed to play with other children whom he could probably see from his bedroom window, but he didn’t actually know how and why he needed to reason it out with his parents until he met people who taught him how to articulate the feelings he had over his parents’ bigotry against muggles and muggleborns. As for why he called Holly a mudblood, again, has a lot to do with the normalization of hate in the household he grew up in. Walburga and Orion Black taught their children to hate anything and anyone that didn’t subscribe to the same Pureblood rhetoric as they did. And since Sirius thought Holly lived with the Evanses, who were muggle, and not with the Potters who were Purebloods, he didn’t see a distinction for her blood status from Mary or Lily, who were actually muggleborn. Hell, I don’t even think Sirius understood blood status all that well at all as an 11-year-old. He was just repeating shit he heard his parents say because he didn’t know any better. I’m not going to tell you how to interpret your reading of my fic, but generally, I wouldn’t ascribe knowledge that I know of characters and events to the characters within the story, because they can’t be expected to know and understand what I know and understand, especially in a fic written in such a limited POV, and things like Holly’s blood status, would not be known to Sirius because Holly had never actually told James or him about her parents, other than that they were Potters. And while you can make a case for the fact that Holly told Sirius and Regulus in Chapter 7 that she’s not muggleborn, I still stand by the idea that the Black exclusionist ideas that Walburga and Orion taught their children would still have Sirius identifying her as one simply because of where he thinks she grew up in.

Why is Holly so stupidly letting so many details from her timeline out to her friends? I think we should all cut Holly some slack for spilling so many details about her life to Lily and Petunia. She’s an orphan who’ finally met the girl who would be her mother. She can’t shut up about her life because OMG my MUM! I finally got to meet her! On top of that, up until the point where Holly met Fleamont Potter, the last time Holly had been warned about meddling with time had been when she was in third year, and it was rushed and the warning hadn’t even been made to her; it had been McGonagall warning Hermione and Hermione repeating the same information to her. So the meddling about time? Holly didn’t exactly give a shit. Lastly, we have so many references in canon of Harry Potter being an exceptionally impulsive little blockhead to the point where he constantly gets himself into trouble. Running after the Philosopher’s Stone in PS, continuing on to fight the basilisk and look for Ginny while Ron tries to get help in CoS, haring off to the Ministry in OoTP, Sectumsempra in HBP, uttering Voldemort’s name and getting them caught by Snatchers in DH… the list is actually pretty damn long. So why should it not be a character flaw for Holly in this fic to be stupidly impulsive in the information she gives out to a person she thinks is her mother, one she’s loved and idolized and put on a pedestal all her life? Why shouldn’t she spout similarly incriminating information to a boy she knows would be her godfather, whom she trusted and loved up until he got killed? It’s a character flaw, yes, and I’m not here to write perfect characters, because perfect characters who only do the right and intelligent thing make for a dry, boring read. If you weren’t about annoying flaws like this, then you’re welcome to click off my fic and find some other story where Harry is the perfect godsent angel come to save us all. That’s not what this story is about.

Why aren’t you patching up any of these inconsistencies that multiple people have already pointed out? Some of them, because that is how I want to write the characters in my story. Some of them, because there will be points in the future where these things are addressed and resolved. And yet still some of them because I don’t want to. Yes, even the stupid ones that really don’t make sense and should probably be changed. I don’t want to go back and change them. That’s how I am as a fic writer, and last I checked, this is still my fanfic.

Want to have a say in how I’m planning the characterization and plotting out? I’m still looking for a beta who I’d like to be able to help me with things like plot inconsistencies, annoying characterization (ok, shut up about Lily already. I didn’t make her this stupid; JKR did when she wrote Lily insisting on her friendship with Snape all the way up to fifth year!), and just generally talk about how and where I intend for the story to go.

If you’d like to beta for me, hit me up on my main Tumblr, @mumuinc  or DM me on Discord; my profile is mumuinc#7662.

[adultingautistic]

Just got my diagnosis and I'm happy to finally have a confirmation of my autism but I was kinda disappointed at how it went. They asked me about some stereotypical traits and made a bunch of tests for 8 weeks but never once asked me about how those things affected me. They just concluded that since I never failed a class in uni and I'm verbal then I'm high functioning even though I showed extreme deficits in all kinds of attention. I took 1 shower this month. How is this high functioning??

Ask date: September 10th

Me too, anon.  I was also pretty disappointed when I went for my evaluation at how...missing the mark? it felt.  

I was saddened by how obvious it was that the tester understood absolutely nothing about what it was like to be autistic.  Oh he was qualified to give the test.  He knew what behaviors to look for when trying to determine if someone is autistic.  And that was it.  He just knew what behaviors to look for.

He didn’t understand the underlying reason for them, or how they made me feel, or how they affected my life.  It was very obvious to me that I knew far more about autism than he did, and I found that really, really disappointing.

And that’s just the state of how it is right now.  Allistic doctors just don’t understand.  I don’t know if it’s that they can’t understand or don’t want to understand (probably a combination of both), but either way, they do not.

And so I was disappointed too, because I had been hoping to...get something out of my evaluation.  I had been hoping to learn something about myself, I suppose.  Instead what I learned was that I was what I’d always known I was- autistic.  I just walked out of there with a paper that said so, and that was all.

I was so disappointed in that experience that it led me to start saying diagnosis was pointless, because what did it even do for me?  But that was incorrect, because my diagnosis was the “proof” I needed to convince others (mainly my job, but also my family), of what I knew all along, which was I was different, and autism was why. 

So your tester didn’t understand autism, to the point that they still used functioning labels, which isn’t even IN the DSM-5.  The DSM uses the word “severity”, in relation to specific symptoms, as in “the severity of a certain symptom”, NOT, the “functioning ability of the entire human.” 

Because humans are complex!  We are made up of many attributes!  One cannot say that this human is “more functional” than that human, such differentiation is ableist and horribly bigoted, because humans are not machines!  Our purpose is not “to function.”  We are so much more; we are creative, we are conscious thought, we are self-aware, we are emotions and dreams.  We are so much more than “functional”, and to boil any one person down to that is disgusting, and misses the entire point of what it is to be human.

But so, so many doctors (and therefore parents of autistic children, who rely on the doctors for their information), instead boil us down into “high functioning” (can pass as allistic) and “low functioning” (cannot pass as allistic).  

What they should be doing is evaluating the severity of EACH autistic symptom, and determining the level of support that you need in EACH of those areas, thus leading to a complex and colorful profile of a complete human being who needs more support in some areas and doesn’t need as much in others.

I can only hope that someday, this will change.  That the doctors will actually be trained on how to properly diagnose by using the DSM-5 guidelines, or that better tests will be developed that make it easier for testers to see autism as many symptoms on many spectrums, and not try to boil down an entire human person into one single label.

Until then, though, you have your diagnosis, and congratulations!  It is good to have it!  Now you can tell who you need to tell that you’re autistic, and they will have to believe you, because you have the proof.  It can help you get the resources and help that are out there, and that is no small thing. 

And then when you want to be understood, or to understand yourself better, or to learn about or understand autism better, you come here and talk to other autistics.  There are people who understand.  It’s just not the doctors (yet).  

[spineofdeathwing]

A Post I should Have Made A Long Time Ago

Hello Spine and anyone who may be reading this at the moment. My name is Jerry, but most people know me as Gallowsfall. I am also well known - regrettably - for who I used to be: Burzgrim Blacksnarl/Gulghash back when I was associated with a group of habitual trolls/nazi shitlords in two guilds ran by the ringleader, Grom/Obombration/Scorching/Mooncakes/whatever he goes by now - and YES we are two completely different people. These guilds were called <Demagogue> and <Clergy of the Great One>, they were a small group of nationalists/fascists/trolls that enjoyed causing great amounts of harm and turmoil in the WoW RP community. I fully accept and HATE who I was at this time and all the fucking AWFUL things I did to so many people that I’ll never really remember or be able to properly apologize to or make it right again. Some of you I have met, we have reconciled and moved on. Some of you that I have met did not find comfort or reconciliation in confronting me or hearing my apologies - often because of the fact I can’t remember anything from those times beyond vague outlines of things I did but never to WHO and I’m sincerely sorry I cannot remember you to properly personalize a heartfelt apology to you beyond what I will say in this most likely very long post. I am sorry, from the deepest reaches of my heart, I am so fucking sorry. I now know the fullest extent of the horrible grief and fear I cultivated in all of you during those two to two and a half years I was lost and letting shitty people shepherd me down the entirely wrong path. I AM NOT TRYING TO EXCUSE MY BEHAVIOR OR SAY I DID NOTHING WRONG. I fucked up on a level no one should ever, EVER go to and every day since I’ve truly found myself I have HATED myself for it, I have PUNISHED myself for it. I have fucking WEPT in frustration and shame on a regular basis for having taken so long to figure out what I was doing to people and what I was doing to MYSELF. If I could go back and change everything and never have become that person, never had let that horrible fucking person manipulate me into thinking he and his cronies actually gave a shit about me - I would in an instant. I would give anything, even my own LIFE to try and take all of that hurt that I sowed into the world back… but I can’t. No one can. I can do everything in my power to try and put positivity and good vibes out into the world to try and make up for what I’ve done, but it doesn’t change and it doesn’t excuse and it doesn’t remove what I’ve done. I never expected it to, I have never expected to just magically be accepted by the entire community with open arms. The only thing I ever asked for was just a CHANCE. I wanted a chance to just let me be a part of the community again and prove I’d changed and to never stop trying to improve myself and help the community I once actively destroyed. But that was inherently wrong of me to want/think as well - not everyone is comfortable or willing to give me that chance and that is FINE, I accept that. My mother always told me, “Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s okay.” You have a right to feel angry, and I am sorry that I was the one who put that seed of anger, of hate into your heart from my abuse. I am sorry, I can never properly put into writing how sorry I truly am - but I hope this can at least give some kind of inkling of how sorry I truly am. But that’s not all I have to say here, and some of you will probably roll your eyes at what’s to come and sneer… but it needs to be said, and not just for me but anyone who’s been in my shoes and HAS GENUINELY MADE AN EFFORT TO BE A BETTER PERSON. If they have just made a half-assed apology post on twitter or here on spine, then continued the very next second to spew bullshit and hurt people - don’t you DARE try to have the audacity to compare them (or yourself if you the reader are one of these kinds of people) to me or others like me who are desperately trying to atone for the sins they’ve committed against their fellow human beings - not even just as roleplayers - to move past the oppressive shadows of their past. It can never go away, of course - it’ll always nip at my heels now and then... but I’d rather it be that than a darkened storm hanging over my head 24/7 until the day I die. It’s why I’m also here to make this statement that will no doubt incite more rage at me, but you know what? I’ll gladly take that abuse because I will stand up for others when others are too afraid to do so for fear of witch-hunts. It is absolutely toxic and abusive behavior to single out people anywhere and everywhere they go refusing to let them live down things they don’t do anymore - if they’re still doing bad things then only bring up those things that they are STILL DOING. It is absolutely toxic and abusive behavior to punish FREELANCE ARTISTS who are just trying to make ends meet for taking commissions from people who are “problematic”. If you do this kind of thing, YOU are in fact a piece of shit, and are effectively punishing an innocent person - taking away their LIVELIHOOD/INCOME in order to push your own subjectivity. This is absolutely unacceptable, and everyone should unanimously agree with this, no matter if it’s me saying it or some random person who isn’t taboo! I have lost friends, I have lost access to fantastic artists I LOVED to support with what little money I can come by due to this abhorrent practice and I gotta say it’s extremely fucking disgusting - especially when you consider that this behavior comes from people who CLAIM to support each other and support the working class/freelancers. Congratulations what you did is called censorship, and that’s a tool of the communist and nazi parties! THE MORE YOU KNOW~* Another thing I want to address is the very real fact that there ARE groups of very popular RPers/Artists who seem to be the unspoken kingpins of this community and if they decide one day that you’re no longer useful to them/become a liability for them to associate with - they will offer you up as the latest scapegoat for them to rile up the masses and send them after you with torches and pitchforks… ESPECIALLY if you so much as DARE to call THEM out for their own shitty behavior or business practices. Anyway, as no doubt many of our parents or parental figures have instructed us throughout our lives: “TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT.” “IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, DON’T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.” “ANYONE WHO WILL GOSSIP TO YOU, WILL GOSSIP ABOUT YOU.” I am not trying to say “Oh, I am holier than thou! Truly I am but a poor victim!” No, I am just as guilty as anyone reading this of doing these things but every day I try to consciously remind myself more and more not to do them, that THEY DON'T HELP ANYONE - THEY MERELY CAUSE MORE PROBLEMS AND MORE PAIN. In conclusion, I would like to make it abundantly clear that I am completely and utterly, emphatically, sorry for anything I have ever done to hurt anyone - whether intentionally or unintentionally due to my own traumas and mental disabilities. I don’t WANT to hurt people anymore, any time I learn I am hurting someone I immediately want to do nothing but hurt myself and hate myself. But I’m not looking for pity, I’m looking for some reconciliation and the right to be apart of this community even if it’s just so much as being able to play the game and not have people whisper hurtful shit to me or post inciteful and extremely upsetting things about me on anonymous pages or even right out in the open. 

I AM NOT A NAZI. I AM NOT A RACIST. I AM NOT A HOMOPHOBE. I AM NOT A TRANSPHOBE. I AM NOT A BIGOT OF ANY KIND.

I am just one broken and maladjusted man trying to make things right and move on with his life - to try and heal, but I can’t do that with people lying about me or just constantly bringing up my past to me and everyone around me, this is only re-traumatizing me and anyone else that past involves. You’re not helping anything or anyone, you’re just making more problems and hurting more people and the cycle begins again. I shouldn't have to say this, some probably won't care or believe it but: While I was with those groups, I was constantly called a "Sp*rg" or "R****ded" I was ridiculed and bullied for liking anime or furry shit. These people ruthlessly bullied me and tore me down and apart everyday to maintain their influence over me. Some of you might say, "Why did you even stick around, why didn't you leave?" I was trapped, by own fear of being alone and my great flaw of needing/desiring validation from someone anyone - even if it was these shitty fucking people. Anyway, thank you for your time if you have bothered to even read this entire thing, I know some won't and that's okay. To those who do, whatever your opinion may be of me afterwards is completely and totally valid and fair - whether it be negative, positive, or indifferent.

-Gallows

[your-posts-are-schist]

In regards to a previous post

I reblogged a post very recently where I talked about my experiences with meet ups and what's needed for one so I thought I would make a separate post for anyone who wants it.

This is tagged in discourse tags mainly because I see people against enbies, queer folk, and aspec(ace/aro spectrum, not autistic. As an autistic person, this isn't the post's point so don't make a fool of yourselves and hone in on a useless and harmless bit.) people complain about there being ace/aro, queer, and/or enby meets but not lesbian/gay/bi/trans meets in their local communities or clubs or in general.

So as someone with a little experience, I'm gonna give all of you a very simple breakdown on how these work and what you can do to get a meet up that you would like to see. Then you can be proactive instead of crying over people who were proactive having meets on the internet. And yeah, I think I'm allowed to be pissy at people whining about others making their own spaces when they themselves do nothing irl to make the spaces they want. I understand the frustration of not having a space and how mental illness or other things like availability get in the way, but most people I see complaining blame others for what they don't have and make no effort. No one will give you something when you don't say you want it and most people won't waste resources on something if only one person speaks up. So listen up and if you want something, try to use this to help get it. You do deserve a space to meet others like you after all.

There are a lot of variables to running a meet up, so let's stick to the basics or this will be longer than it already will be. Feel free to take your time reading this too. There's no rush and it is a lot to process.

People. You need people who want a meet. If you want and think people would want a lesbians only meet, find some other lesbians in your area and ask them. Go to existing community gatherings and ask around. If you feel more confident, procceed.

Chances are, the reason there's no meet for the group you want is because no one or very few asked for one. A lot of people tend to believe they're the only ones who want something and that no one would come if they tried themselves so they avoid the risk of failure all together. Another group having a meet just means they took the risk and it paid off, not that any group they're under or working with favors them over you. Some people will settle for what they have too, so they may be happy just using the general community spaces because they served them well enough so far. When you see aces/aros/queer people/trans people/enbies having meets it means put they effort into getting them, that's why they have them. Put in the effort to make what you want.

Try to find others who will help you with the process. It can be lengthy and time consuming. Do not start a meet up alone if you aren't absolutely sure you will have the time and money to spare.

Planning. It's a pain in the ass, I won't lie. You have to pick a venue, a time slot, possibly spend money, offer refreshments and possibly branch off into conversation topics or activities. You also need to listen to feedback and manage poor behavior.

I say venues but using free, public places like parks will work. If you want a pavilion though, you will probably need to rent one. You could also hold them in your own home or talk to people in schools/colleges about providing a room.

Time slots are necessary if you're planning on renting a venue, so make sure you have a time picked before hand. Some venues only have limited times available. If you aren't renting one, still plan a length for your meet and take your own availability into account. I would suggest to hold it for an hour, but maybe see how long other meets run in your area and base it off that. Also keep your time consistent. Always try to have the meets at the same time(and place) it will seriously help in the long run.

On the topic of time, if you're holding a meeting that lasts an hour, offer drinks and snacks if you can afford it. Definitely have water, people will get thirsty.

Conversation topics help break the ice. You can have an introduction on the first day, but plan some for following meets because it does take time for everyone to be comfortable with each other. Activities can help this as well, it doesn't have to be a game either it can be like, Flannel Friday or something like that.

Feedback will help you improve the meets. Always keep a notebook handy during them or an email open to the members so they can share their opinions with you.

Managing poor behavior is tough and runs on a case-by-case basis. On one hand, you should confront bigotry in your meets and explain why that was wrong of them. On the other, it can be easier to just ban someone. In most small meets I help at, there's a three strike rule, with exceptions for very extreme cases or outright violence like sexual harassment, verbal abuse, and physical violence. Someone saying something ignorant or displaying inappropriate behaviors like shitty bigoted jokes, can probably be taught better and could be given a warning and a chance to learn and grow. If you do decide to give them a chance make an effort to separate the person from those who were asking your help. If they keep it up and don't show any improvements they should be booted, there's only so much time you can put into helping a person.

Advertising. Bolded because it's the most important part. A lot of meets fall through because of poor advertising. Make a page for your meet and print out copies. Put them in places where you might find people with similar interests. Since we're talking about LGBTQ+ specifically, aim for any currently running community meets or organizations. If you have an LGBTQ+ center near you, get in contact with them. They may be willing to help you. When you make your advertisement make sure you put the date and time of the meet, the address, and contact information, whether it's yours, someone who's helping you, or multiple can work.

Be on top of announcements. Sudden, last minute cancellations are a terrible thing and should be reserved only for emergencies like injury, illness, or sudden persobal matters. This is also where having help comes in handy.

Don't be afraid to ask questions or get some help. Running meets is a difficult, time consuming task and you will have your hands full. But it can be very worth it when the payoff comes around. Being able to meet people like you can make it feel worthwhile and the accomplishment is also nice.

Local orgs should be willing to help you set these up or advertise your meet and community groups should too, if they have other meets. Get in contact with group, club, or org leaders and send them a message asking for what you want to see. If you are willing and able, offer your time to help run it because then they won't have to spend the time looking for someone to run it.

And I think that's about it! So if you take the advice and try to make a meet for yourself pr get one started, then good luck and I hope it goes well! Unless it's for something bigoted, then I hope it burns down on the first day.

[a-room-of-my-own]

This is an edited transcript of a talk given by Dagny on May 9, 2019, at the Croatian Cultural Centre in Vancouver, B.C. The audio from the full event, #GIDYVR: Gender Identity and Kids, can be found on YouTube.

My name is Dagny, I’m a detransitioner. I’m here to demonstrate what can happen when we allow a teenager to make major medical decisions that will affect her body for the rest of her life. I’m also here as one-fourth of the Pique Resilience Project, a coalition of four detransitioned young women — Jesse, Helena, Chiara, and myself. We all identified as transmen in our mid to late teens, and by 19 or 20 we had all desisted, detransitioned, and returned to being women. Three of us took testosterone for at least nine months, and I actually started testosterone six months before I turned 18, after my therapist diagnosed me with gender dysphoria at 16. The Pique Resilience Project was founded in January after we all came together to share our stories, our similarities, and our differences. We discussed what we could do to share our stories with everyone — with the people that need to hear them.

As we’re all aware, this is an extremely heated debate, and I’m going to say some things that a lot of people are going to disagree with. But ultimately, everything I’m going to say comes from my own personal experience and from what I believe as a result of that experience — an experience that too many people are unwilling to take seriously. We, the Pique Resilience Project, have been called liars, attention-seekers, right-wingers, and bigots.

We’ve unfortunately been profiled numerous times on far-right Christian journals, and not once, to date, on mainstream, leftist news media, which I find interesting, given the amount of coverage trans issues have received these last five years. I think that this indicates a fear of straying from the path — a fear of saying something, even if true, that goes against the grain.

 We’ve been absolutely inundated with one narrative, one option, one story, since this issue hit the mainstream. We’ve been given only one option, at the risk of unspeakable, devastating consequences: if a teen says she has gender dysphoria and wants to be a boy, then she should — must — be allowed to transition.  That’s the story we’ve been sold, and it’s the only story we’ve been sold. And detransitioners are an inconvenient contradiction to this story.

We’ve been given only one option, at the risk of unspeakable, devastating consequences: if a teen says she has gender dysphoria and wants to be a boy, then she should — must — be allowed to transition. 

I’d like to discuss my experience being a trans teen. I did have early instances of what would now be called gender dysphoria in my childhood. At 11 or 12 I felt incredibly humiliated by the fact that my breasts were growing, and that I would have to start wearing bras. My period was a source of angst and hatred from the moment I first started menstruating. I’d heard that these things were supposed to be exciting for young girls, but they just made me angry and afraid. I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling that way. And maybe most predictive, I had a Yahoo answers account, and when I was in grade seven, I made a post with a title that was something like, “I’m a 12-year-old girl but I want to be a boy.” I remember that the answers were mostly dismissive, but there were a few that instructed me, a 12-year-old, to look into transsexual surgeries. But I didn’t like any of the answers; I wanted there to be a boy-button — something I could click that would just make me male. My family wasn’t religious at all, but I remember being that age and lying in my bed at night, and telling God in my head that I would start going to church if I woke up a boy.

My dysphoria exploded when I turned 15. This was when I started to actually identify as trans. Like so many other trans teenagers, I first started courting my own trans identity because of of two factors in my life: One, I had trans friends — two of them, both older than me, both female-to-male (FTM), like me, and two, I had a sharp increase in my social media use. I was never very active on social media before I turned 15, but within months of creating an account on tumblr and following several LGBTQ resource blogs, I had decided that I was non-binary.

Within months of creating an account on tumblr and following several LGBTQ resource blogs, I had decided that I was non-binary.

This identity felt like a game to me. It was a fun distraction — a quirk that made me special and interesting, if not to others, then at least to myself. But then that wasn’t enough, and I wondered, “Should I take this further? How far can I take it?” Then I graduated to fully identifying as a transman and I threw myself headlong into the traditional process of being trans: new name, new pronouns, new clothes, new binder. I started to get very, very serious about starting hormones. And it stopped being a game.

The first place I tried on this new identity — a transman — was online. And I just want to say that I think that it’s incredibly important for everyone — parents, yes, but also teenagers and therapists and lawmakers — to understand what kind of impact social media can have on a developing mind. I, in essence, became a different person after I started using tumblr. It’s an unhealthy, upsetting, and toxic environment to even observe, let alone participate in, as a teenager. Unfortunately it’s also way too broad of a topic for me to fully cover right now, so I’d recommend reading Helena’s exposé on tumblr’s culture. Part one is available to read on our website, and there are two more parts to come. It is vital reading if we’re going to begin to understand how so many teenagers feel and how they regard the world after using social media.

My online experience, having been affected by that level of group think, that level of moral policing, and the constant implicit threats of social exposure and ostracization made me an intensely internal and anxious person. It made me paranoid about the motives of people around me — I saw my parents as bigots because tumblr told me to; because they held out for so long to prevent me from starting hormones. Anyone that slipped up and misgendered me was, according to tumblr, an enemy. 

My online experience, having been affected by that level of group think, that level of moral policing, and the constant implicit threats of social exposure and ostracization made me an intensely internal and anxious person. It made me paranoid.

One incident — one “she” — had the ability to make me absolutely hate someone. Tumblr’s version of morality and justice made me — an impressionable, insecure teenager — feel like my only safe place was in my head, where I would never be misgendered. I didn’t feel safe online either, but I couldn’t allow myself to critique my online peers. Even though I had learned all these unhealthy beliefs and behaviors from them, they had also taught me that they held the moral high ground. So I adopted and parroted tumblr’s ideals, and my identity was unconditionally validated.

One of these unhealthy beliefs I held was the belief that if you have gender dysphoria, you must transition. And anyone that appeared to stand in my way was a transphobe — an alt-right bigot. If I, myself, questioned my actions, I was suffering from internalized transphobia. No matter how much genuine concern others may have had for me — by now, a miserable 16-year-old — they were committing an unforgivable act if they just asked me, “Why”? Why do I want to be a boy? Why do I want to change my body?”

My answer was invariably, “Because I have gender dysphoria and I have to.”

Anyone that appeared to stand in my way was a transphobe — an alt-right bigot. If I, myself, questioned my actions, I was suffering from internalized transphobia.

And that’s the context we’re living in now, the only one that we know. Until now, with so many detransitioners coming out, the only narrative we’ve really heard has been the same, over and over and over: I had gender dysphoria, and so I transitioned. I had gender dysphoria, and so I transitioned. That’s the context we’ve been living in for about five years now. But we have to move past that. It’s been three years since I detransitioned, and I still have gender dysphoria. It’s rare for me to make it through a single day without thinking, at least once, “I wish I was a man.”

But it’s so minimal compared to what I felt at 16. And now, I have no intention of transitioning. It was ultimately a mistake for me to transition in the first place. I thought, at the time, that I had no other choice. Living and being content without medically transitioning didn’t feel like an option for me, or for so many other detransitioners.

It’s time to change that. It’s time that we become aware of how much pain and negativity this narrative is causing. The fact that I thought I had only one option was an incredible source of misery, desperation, terror, and obsession for me. I was already an unhappy teenager; I didn’t need the added pressure of a life choice I felt had to be made and carried out immediately. And this — my experience — was back in 2013. A long time before now, when we’re transitioning eight-year-olds in California, and giving eight-year-olds mastectomies. I can only imagine the pressure that kids feel now… That parents feel… It’s time we stop telling kids that every single one of them that experiences gender dysphoria as a 15-year-old will still be experiencing that same level of gender dysphoria at 21. At 20, or 19. That’s what I was told — by activists, and peers, and medical professionals. When I went to my endocrinologist for the first time, my dad asked him, “If my child goes off testosterone, what changes will be permanent?” And the endo essentially cut him off and said, “Oh. No one ever goes off testosterone.”

It’s time we stop telling kids that every single one of them that experiences gender dysphoria as a 15-year-old will still be experiencing that same level of gender dysphoria at 21

There’s this belief that telling teenagers that their dysphoria may pass is wrong — ethically and factually — and I just want to know why? What’s so wrong with telling a teenager, “One day you will feel better.” There’s nothing wrong with that. I think that if the activism that pushed for teenagers’ ability to medically transition truly cared about kids affected by gender dysphoria, they would allow for a discussion that doesn’t manipulate teenagers — that didn’t make impressionable, insecure, unhappy kids feel like they have to transition now, or else.

So we need to change the narrative. That’s my intent. And that’s a larger intent of the Pique Resilience Project: to diversify the narrative. We only have one mainstream story, and we need more. And slowly, we’re getting more. The detransition narrative is growing. It’s getting bigger — more people are hearing detransitioners’ stories every day. And, by extension, we’re starting to see the first glimpses of a third narrative. The PRP has received at least two messages from parents telling us that after watching videos about detransitioning, their teenagers decided that they have Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria and that they would not transition. They realized that pursuing different options was a better solution for them and their experience.

One fix is not going to solve everyone’s individual problems. Medically transitioning is not going to help every teenager feel better. In my view, the proclivity to provide teenagers with hormone replacement therapy and instant affirmation ignores the larger problems. Why did I want to change my body? Why did I hate being a girl? Why was being a man so much more favourable?

Ultimately, the opportunity to transition made my teenage dysphoria worse. This narrative told me that my hatred for my female body was justified — positive, even. It told me that the only way to feel better was to destroy my body — my female parts. 

My role models were all older transmen who had, like me, been lonely, angry, weird girls. Hearing and identifying with their stories taught me only that holistic self-acceptance was a sham and that real authenticity could only come from synthetic hormones and surgeries. There was no room for me to love myself if my identity depended on self-hatred.

We need to start treating teenagers with patience and compassion and maturity. We need to stop telling them that their suffering will last until they buy a new body. More than anything, we need to stop telling them that they have only one choice, and only one chance.

[blakelywintersfield]

what do you think about cancel culture?

So it took me a while to answer this ask ‘cause I have... a lot to say about the subject.

There’s a lot to unpack when it comes to cancel culture. Its roots I like to believe are well intended -- a means to alert vulnerable groups about individuals that have a history of hurting them. But people have taken it... way too far.

I think it’s important to hold people accountable for their actions. There’s a lot of people who get away with horrible things, simply because they produce likeable material (makeup, music, movies, entertainment, etc.). People like Jeffree Star, PewDiePie, and Kat Von D have gotten away with their horrific treatment of others for years because people enjoy their content -- and two out of three of them still are wildly successful. What pushes people over the limit? Often times it’s a matter of what white people take major issue in. In Kat’s case, being anti-vax. Is being anti-vax bad? Hell yeah it is. As someone who’s immuno-compromised it literally could lead to an early, painful, slow death for me. And don’t get me wrong, I wanna die, but not from something that takes months of suffering. But people blatantly ignored her other awful acts -- such as her antisemitic actions (telling her former boss to “burn in hell jewbag” (sic) in the form of writing on a photo she left for him and drawing a Nazi symbol on it), complacency in victim blaming (her neo-Nazi husband blames his daughter’s rape on his daughter), denying and viciously responding to criticisms about her pedophilic makeup names (”Underage Red”, “Lolita”, second not in reference to the Japanese style but the book), and actively killing her pets (she killed one cat by leaving a house full of burning candles -- cat knocked down the candles, house went up in flames, cat died; she also was found forcing a vegan diet onto her cats -- I’m unsure if this has continued but I believe one of her cats died from it). All of these are huge reasons to “cancel” her -- to boycott her products. But people didn’t actively hate her until she came out as anti-vax, something that effects the majority. And that’s part of the issue with cancel culture: people pick and choose what’s acceptable depending on how badly it effects them personally.

Let’s focus on the other two mentioned: Jeffree and Felix. Jeffree has a very, very, veryyyyy long past of being a racist piece of shit. Not even lowkey ignorant white person racist (i.e. ”I didn’t know making fun of AAE and viewing dreadlocks as trashy was racist”). I’m talking straight up using the n-slur, with the hard -er too, towards a black woman. And this was recent, too. There just haven’t been any physical references beforehand, only personal accounts. But people have defended him -- and still defend him -- on these actions, because he apologized. But then he’ll do it again a month later. And there’ll be definitive proof of it. He’ll keep doing it over, and over, and over again. And people will continue to excuse him because he keeps apologizing! That’s not how apologies work! As someone who’s been abused, apologies mean nothing if you don’t actively work on fixing what you’re apologizing for!! My abusers would apologize and then do the exact same thing again so many times that I lost count long ago! And of course, Shane Dawson hasn’t helped because he’s head over heels for the guy, so he’s been using his popularity to try and clear his name -- which is ironic, considering he’s been under fire for being racist in the past too. The only difference is he actually cleaned his act up, until now, of course. Because now, instead of creating racist content himself, he’s defending a chronically racist shitbag. And people continue to defend him, because his shitty actions effects mainly black women -- a minority in comparison to the amount of white people in the states. Jeffree continues to be wildly successful because his problematic behavior only effects a minority, and that’s... not okay.

Felix has a very similar history to Jeffree, but with antisemitism, and in my opinion he’s even worse because he’ll apologize then do something nice like donate to a charity. And that would be fantastic if he wouldn’t continue to do antisemitic things like actively support white supremacists. People continue to defend him because he does charitable things, but I constantly remind people that abusive people aren’t abusive 24/7 -- that’s literally how they get away with abuse. They abuse, then take you out for a fancy date, kiss you gently and tell you how beautiful you are. Then they do something abusive. It’s an endless cycle. And that’s honestly what Felix does. Apologize, do something really fucking nice, and then repeat his shitty action. And he has other extremely influential people defend him -- it’s why I had to stop following JackSepticEye and Markiplier. They continuously vouched for him. They continuously defended him. And they did it in the form of saying “he’s a really good person, I know him personally, he’s really fucking sweet and nice”. That’s what people say about the partner of someone really close to me! Their friends defend them all the time, but they’ve never seen how they treat my friend. They don’t know about how they are in a relationship. And that’s all we ever hear about abusers. No one wants to accept that their longtime friend is shitty. But Mark and Sean contribute to the toxic ideology of “defend your friends to the end”. And it disenfranchises those effected because 1) they’re not Jewish, they have absolutely no say in the matter, and 2) they’re abusing their popularity to keep their friend from being properly criticized. I don’t think either of them are shitty people, per se, but they’re being extremely toxic by not letting their friend see that they’re a repeat offender and need to either work on their shit or face the music. Mark and Sean both have the power to make Felix change if they just give him the ultimatum of “us or this”.

But I digress. The main issue highlighted here is that people who actually do bad things and continue to do bad things aren’t being held accountable because people don’t care to acknowledge what doesn’t directly effect them. This is the first main issue with cancel culture.

Let’s focus on another man under scrutiny: John Lennon. Now, let me put out there for disclaimer purposes that this man is far from perfect and has problematic parts to him as well. He’s done some shitty things. But cancel culture looooooooves to dig at this man. To put it crudely, they really enjoy beating this dead... man. And mainly over one really bad thing he did, which was hit his wife. However, people love to 1) over-exaggerate it, and 2) completely ignore how he handled the aftermath. Cancel culture often refers to him as a “wife beater”, as though this were a chronic habit or that he severely brutalized his wife. But they conveniently ignore that he apologized, both to her and publicly, taught himself about domestic abuse and spoke up for women’s rights, and even wrote multiple songs about how he fucked up and he shouldn’t be excuse for what he did. And, most importantly, his wife forgave him. The victim in this situation forgave him, and people still dig into this one thing and use it as their reason to hate him and his band to this day. Genuine criticism of him and what he’s done have gone to the wayside because of this one fact with no context, and it’s a huge phenomena because people, for whatever reason, love to hate popular things. Like I said, he’s done shitty things! He wasn’t perfect! But to use one issue that was literally resolved to hate him is just a lazy excuse to hate what’s popular, and that comes to our second issue with cancel culture: people want to hate what’s popular and will go to any lengths to excuse their hatred, even if issues that have been resolved.

The last main issue I have is that cancel culture is often set up in very black and white terms. Person does bad thing, they’re bad, end of discussion. But that’s... not how life works. Not at all. I know religion isn’t universal, especially Christianity, but there’s one point in Christianity that is universal: humans are flawed. No human being to have ever existed is perfect. And with the rise of technology and social media, a lot of mistakes have a permanent proof out there. Be it through tweets, tumblr or Facebook posts, Instagram or Snapchat stories, whatever it is, there is proof. And people like to take it way too far.

For example... well, I’ll use myself. There’s good things to not being tumblr famous, and I’m blessed with that, because I used to be a major shithead. Well. Okay, I still am, but I was bigoted, uninformed, and had a lot of internalized issues. For anyone that doesn’t know, I was raised in a conservative Christian household where my father was Southern Baptist and my mother had been raised Catholic (her personal religious views are much more lax though, thankfully). Both came from small towns in Illinois and Missouri respectively, and their parents, the same. I was aggressively homophobic and transphobic (ironic, eh?), covertly racist and sexist, and just overall a really shitty person. And while I didn’t join tumblr until after I’d finally started to grow, a lot of people on here are younger -- some even lying about their age and joining before they’re 13. And like me, many of these kids are in close-minded households. And for the longest time I refused to listen to other people because of the good ol’ backfire effect, but once I began to accept I was wrong, I learned. Of course I still have learning to do -- I always do. I always will. And that’s okay. But if I were 12 year old me on tumblr today, I would, well. I would’ve probably killed myself by now, because of all the bullying and hate for being a shithead child. A shithead, yes. But a child. Someone that’s going to be ignorant to a lot of things because they haven’t been alive for as long. And not everyone has informed parents that make it a point to teach them. Adults are a little harder to forgive, I’ll admit, but children have a lot more potential to learn and grow, and we often treat them just like adults.

The final issue with cancel culture is that it gives no room for improvement and no assumption of someone’s innocence. While it hurts to be on the victim end, we as a whole are obligated to correct the issue. I personally would like it to be those not effected doing that (i.e. someone making a transphobic comment having other cis people explain why it’s transphobic and isn’t okay), but regardless, we need to assume innocent until guilty with these kinds of things. It’s not easy, sure, but if I had been on tumblr while I was a shitty kid parroting my dad’s awful world views, cancel culture would’ve labeled me a piece of shit with no chance of redemption, and if I didn’t kill myself there’s no fucking way in hell I would’ve learned, because that kind of treatment would’ve stuck with me and made it harder for me to listen to the other side’s reasoning, even if they were right. We need to approach people in a manner of calm education, instead of ready to kill. In no way am I saying this is an easy thing to do, but unless they’ve refused to open themselves up in any way whatsoever, immediately chalking someone up as a lost cause is just... counter-productive. We have to acknowledge that people are flawed, and can learn and grow. We need to give people space to improve. It’s not all or nothing.

All in all, cancel culture has a good base, but its execution has become irrational and a means to justify hating those that really don’t deserve it, while turning a blind eye to those that actually are problematic. There’s a lot to be improved on.

[ibuproffie]

why the soc duology is peak ya literature *some spoilers*

cohesive, interesting worldbuilding 

it makes sense. no weird plotholes. 

ketterdam feels like a real place. 

all the places in the story are based off of real places that’s prob y. 

does not require a whole bunch of infodumps to explain how things work (i h8 that)

a plot you actually want to read

just imagine

no love triangle 

NO GODDAMN LOVE TRIANGLE 

did i mention no love triangle

yeah, there is romance, but it’s an addendum to the story, not the whole thing (which makes it more special imo) 

plot twists that aren’t stupid 

it’s never boring or drags 

most importantly imo gr8, complex, well-rounded characters ~ EVERYONE has development and growth, no one is perfect, and best of all, no one is whiny or abusive 

nina zenik 

a queen, too good, too pure 

the most beautiful character in this story is in-canon a chubby, bisexual girl

who is never made to feel bad about her weight 

who loves herself (and waffles) unconditionally 

did i also mention she could destroy us all ~ she is also the most powerful character in this story (a magician called a “grisha”

has an extremely healthy and empowering relationship with 1! matthias helvar (we’ll get to him in a second) 

even though they are enemies @ first they become friends and then fall in love and it is GREAT this could have been executed so poorly but it’s actually v cute and fluffy 

matthias helvar 

we stan a reluctant good guy in a crowd of thieves and murderers

originally had some bigoted ideas about grisha b/c he was basically brainwashed to believe they were evil 

but he changed and put aside his prejudices to help the squad and nina 

it’s amazing how far he’s come - this is proof that even if you were problematic in the past you can redeem yourself now 

he loves her so much it’s so cute 

he too is a badass-he was specially trained to hunt down grisha 

secretly a huge dork but outwardly he’s very uptight (lmao he’s Relatable) 

jesper fahey

starts out as escapism at its finest ~ basically he just wants to have fun all the time and avoid his problems

but he learns how to handle himself and that sometimes you have to face your demons to get what you want 

makes a lot of mistakes but shows that he can grow and learn from them 

did i mention he is a) in canon biracial + bisexual b) in canon dark skinned we love some good representation ayyyy he’s def not a token brown or anything 

and everyone’s totally okay with his bisexuality there’s literally no homophobia in this story 

has wild fashion taste and likes guns a lot bitchh he dropped out of college to join a gang and escape his boring a$$ farmer life if that isn’t a power move wtf is 

definitely the funniest character but that does not in any way detract from his character development 

is very much in love with wylan (these two just get cuter and cuter and cuter) 

wylan van eck 

a ginormous nerd ~ he likes chemistry and the flute 

a typical tumblr gay softboi (y’all know you want this) 

joined a gang to scam his rich and abusive dad out of house and home (ultimate revenge fantasy tbh) 

has a learning disability but he’s still one of the smartest characters (i told ya the representation in this book is amazing) 

blushes easily

has done nothing wrong in his life ever (a complete cinnamon roll) 

has a major crush on jesper (at first jesper annoys tf out of him but if you like resentful-dude-has-to-tutor-the-noob character arcs y’all are gonna be HERE for this ship) 

kuwei yul-bo

a reluctant participant in these shenanigans

so brave (he absolutely did not have to do anything for these people and helps them anyway) 

everyone just wants to take care of him because he just kinda fell into their hands *this poor boi*

he’s “shu” which basically means he looks east asian 

is a crow as well FITE ME 

inej ghafa 

my actual wife 

in canon dark skinned 

a badass bitch who could take anyone half of me reading this book is being “SHE DID THAT” 

someone described her as “the person in the group project who does all the work” and i stand by that 

even though she’s the “tough girl” she still has emotions and character development 

also no girl on girl hate in soc: she and nina are big friends 

actually sparks a really intelligent discussion about the hypersexualization of woc (she is a victim of human trafficking and sex slavery) 

religious even though the world is mean to her 

does not settle for less in her relationship w kaz “i will have you without armor” anyone

even though she works for him they are equals 

honestly meme team = dream team they both have so many iconic moments 

wants to kill sex slavers and ruin their businesses never has a more righteous quest been undertaken 

kaz brekker  

the ya bad boy we actually need 

no but hear me out ~ he starts out having no moral compass whatsoever and gradually become someone who cares about stuff if that isn’t PEAK character development i don’t know what is 

is morally grey and an interesting character without being abusive (like a lot of times in ya *cough rhysand cough* characters that are intended to be just a little bit sketchy are actually A Lot Sketchy and do absolutely unforgivable creepy things and then have a shocking revelation about their past and become Good!Guys with Problems) kaz never becomes “good” but he treats the people he cares about with respect for the most part and his abuse is never used to justify his shitty behavior

is so sweet to inej like come on!!!!

has panic attacks and is disabled (but he’s still a badass lmao i really would not push it)

out of everyone had the most potential to be tropey but he’s really well written and that’s why i’ll stan him and not some other similar characters

[trickstarbrave]

I see some of my old posts abt this getting likes still so I did feel the need for whatever reason to post an update or rather restatement to my views on the topic

I know this is a horribly tired topic that was discoursed to hell and then left behind and for good reason so as a warning: ace discourse below

First and foremost I’m not in the business of telling ppl wholesale they don’t belong in the community. The vast majority of ace ppl are also other various lgbt identies and trying to “remove” people from the community is not a thing I’d ever advocate for nor have I really ever as far as I can remember. If I have in bad faith I would like to extend an apology bc I have bad memories problems and think those actions are wrong and harmful. If the consensus is ace ppl are lgbt then I’m not here to say everyone else is wrong and I’m the authority on lgbt identities. We are a coalition group, a mashing of communities w sometimes shared histories and experiences. Even if I think ace and aro ppl don’t have as many of those in common I don’t get to decide if they are or not. They are now and I’m more focused on making that work

Still though since it’s inception the ace community has not been a very healthy one. As at best a newer addition to the lgbt community being brought to light and given a label and community, the community has been toxic. Much of the foundational moments for identity were from the AVEN forums and a lot of harmful misogynistic, transphobic, homophobic, and ableist things were said on their and supported. This kind of behavior has continued well into the community even today.

This is not a moral judgment on asexuals or aromamtics. I’m aromantic. I was also subjected to these things. I always felt alienated from the community. Even when trying to engage behavior was half the time welcoming and understanding and half the time felt very hostile. I point this out because again: many asexuals and aromantics are other lgbt identies and this rhetoric is very harmful. It’s alienating. It makes you feel guiltier at times. Furthermore at times the community pressured ppl who did not have absolutely any desire for sex in any capacity to be okay with it, as though they were on the same level as people who liked and enjoyed sexual acts removed from sexual attraction to people. Sometimes it encouraged harassing people for saying having sex was a vital part of relationships for them and they felt incompatable with someone who was repulsed by sex and didn’t feel abstaining for a hypothetical ace partner would be healthy for either of them. Even more alarming was qpp’s, really originating from the aro community, spreading and simply being a tool for a while in many circles to coerce people into relationships who otherwise wouldn’t be okay with polyamory or were underaged. I’ve seen so much harm and been subjecting to it that I did have to (and still want to but avoid it for stress reasons) point this out. Even more alarming was during the discourse era seeing big name ace bloggers with large underaged followings bring on self admitted pedophiles to their blogs, and refusing to apologize when said pedophile admitted to sexually harassing minors. Lies were spread to demonize lesbians especially, and to a degree gay men as well, including that we steal funding we don’t need

As well (currently) the lgbt community hasn’t had the best resources to provide a good environment for ace and aro issues, and the ace community has not made it a priority in many spheres to curate those spaces either. As an aro sexual abuse victim there were many times I didn’t want to see public displays of affection or hear abt sexuality of any kind at times (despite not being ace) and I knew asking for those to cease in lgbt spaces would be harmful and come across as bigoted. Lgbt spaces are places to express your comfort in your identity and your relationships in the way cishet ppl can whenever they want to in society. Seeking out spaces without that just meant retreating and being alone. A curated space for aro and ace ppl would have removed tension I know many people have had and still do experience by providing refuge for sex and romance repulsed ace and aro ppl

I felt more boundaries would be beneficial, as while trans people are no doubt a part of the lgbt community (regardless of how many trabsphobes say we don’t belong), trans specific areas and communities still exist. Trans spaces where trans experiences are centered are a priority. The ace community regardless needs better spaces for ace people besides social media and Internet forums. It needs structure and accountability. It needs to unlearn harmful practices and bigotry that have run rampant for their own members’ sake, not for the sake of outside people to see validity in it.

And for a while, people who were otherwise cisgendered, heteroromantic and asexual would speak out in lgbt spaces about trans and gay issues because this is the “same community”. Cis gay men have no authority on lesbian, bi, or trans issues. Cis lesbians have no authority on gay men’s, bi, or trans issues. Cis heterosexual trans ppl shouldn’t talk abt lgbp issues w authority. Cishet ace and aro ppl shouldn’t talk those either. A lot of the hostility and early discourse was abt that, about those bloggers who very quickly left the discussions and website entirely in some cases, speaking about issues that shouldn’t concern them. About homophobia and how it should be treated or tolerated, using slurs they had no right using, and more. Even more alienating was ppl saying a character was ace rather than gay, and when pointed out they could be both it resulted in backlash as trying to take away ace representation, and then real human survivors of sexual abuse who were dead were framed as ace icons and ace representation while framing their discussions of their reactions to sexual abuse as “the ace experience”. Lies spread that ace conversion therapy was a thing and that doctors were going to hold you down and feed you medicine to make you want to have sex, terrifying many young bloggers on this website who genuinely believed and lived in fear of this happening until they were told it was misinformation and lies.

(Yes you can be sexually assaulted for being ace, yes victims of sexual abuse can as a result ID as ace or aro, that’s not what I’m arguing against in case somehow someone finds a way )

But from the other side I’ve seen and spoken out against people who just said bigoted things. Claiming there were too many gender and sexuality identities. I think the split attraction model is limited to ace and aro ppl to explain our identities more coherently and misapplying it to others only servers in the end to stigmatize various sexualities, but this went beyond that. For many people “grey” and “demi” modifiers are useful. I’m grey aro. My romantic feelings are complicated and inconsistent enough I think it’s not average. Sure to a degree “anyone” could be demi or aro and many ppl in the ace community have misattributed those modified identities to ppl who didn’t even fully explore how they felt, but they are not worthless. I can count to you how many times I’ve felt genuine romantic attraction, and I do not fully understand the intricacies of romantic attraction, nor the differences at time between platonic feelings in practice. I was mocked for my identity several times and saw people with identities like mine mocked. This was not a discussion of it these identities were harmful like claiming disassociating during sex was a normal sexual identity. At worst they are unnecessary.

I’ve been always more invested abt having a better community for ace and aro ppl bc that’s what I ultimately wanted. No, they didn’t have the messy intertwined history of other lgbt identities but also they didn’t have to be. Lgbt or not there wasn’t a space for ace and aro ppl I thought was really healthy. It was either they existed there in a group with other people with their issues being talked about or not at all. Ace pride colors were based on the at times toxic forum website AVEN. The aro community was often overlooked by ace ppl or at times actively thrown under the bus.

And lies and misinformation was still spread. Pieces of history incoherently being co-opted and misappropriated to seem legitimate. And to top it all off ace and aro specific oppression was incoherently discussed to. How different forms of oppression work together and often feed into each other or take new shapes was ignored. Studies were extremely limited in scope, loaded, and mostly inconclusive. Facets of misogyny and even homophobia were framed as ace exclusive and unique experiences, and people lied about real life discrimination for being ace (usually these were young people like the 15 y/o who claimed to have two gay dads who kicked her out for being ace, so I won’t dwell on those as much. Tumblr has been a weird website). Discussions of race especially were riddled w terrible behavior from white ace bloggers who resorted to lying, shaming, and guilt tripping. All this only serves to fan the flames and drive a wedge between communities even tho inclusionists claimed it was all evil exclusionists doing while refusing to call out the misinformation and bigotry they often spread. There was no purpose in harassing bloggers of color, no purpose in terrifying children so they lived in fear of medical professionals and most ppl, and no excuse.

Hopefully moving on from this it will truly die away, but I hope people learn from it. This wasn’t just as some ppl frame it cis gay and lesbian bloggers starting a harassment campaign to try and kick aces out on a large scale. This was a messy discussion that was years brewing until it exploded in even more vitriol, misinformation, and rage. It became an opportunity to critique an (albeit in comparison young) community for harmful behavior that was going unchecked and lead to even further bigotry, misinformation, and alienation. And the bigotry and misinformation didn’t serve a purpose and little understanding of what ace and aro people needed besides information and education to the public, which was already taking place before this, was had. And ultimately I expected more from the community at large.

To ace and aro followers and readers: I’ve seen some ugly parts of the community but I don’t necessarily demand you answer for that behavior, unless you’re personally guilt of it. I don’t say this because I have a mission to prove you’re bad. I think the community is toxic, but it will ultimately not get better unless ppl who are dedicated to it are willing to help find what resources ppl need, provide it, and refuse to encourage or call out shitty behavior. And ultimately that will come from a place of love and desire to create an environment future generations will feel welcomed in. I just don’t want other ace and aro kids being lied to about what they’ll experience, subjected to homophobia and transphobia of many colors, and at times groomed by adults. And I don’t want it based around just social media where anyone can lie abt credentials and act like an expert to further any of those horrible goals, even unintentionally

[thatfurryinthefandom-blog]

In defense to Eric Cartman...

Yes, I’m going to be defending the little hellspawn of the South Park fandom that’s even worse than the actual hellspawn, or that’s what I’m always hearing (Damien just murders people!). 

It’s a repeated trend in the SP fandom that people either LOVE Cartman or absolutely DESPISE him; it’s another one of those no in between scenarios. And to be fair, people have the right to not like him; he’s incredibly racist, mocks those with mental and physical illness, absolutely psychotic in every meaning of the word, and an overall messed-up little boy. I don’t know all the evil little things he’s done because I have yet to watch every single episodes, but I’ve seen enough to know just how much of a twisted character he is. But here’s the thing. He’s a LITTLE BOY. One in a cartoon where literally everything is exaggerated, no less, where everything is meant to be blown out of proportion for the shock and comedic value. You wouldn’t find a kid in real life who would ground up someone’s parents into chili merely for revenge reasons, now would you? There have been crazy kids, but they’re incredibly rare whereas in South Park they litter the community. My point being, you can easily pin Cartman’s extremes on the comedy of the show. 

But he’s still bigoted, right? THAT is actually possible in a 10 year old, certainly. There seems to be no real source either; his mother is a good woman, if neglectful in a way. That truly means Cartman is just evil, right? 

 Nobody seems to realize that every kid ever is different, but they tend to have a general personality; quiet and observant, skittish and easily guilty, curious and adventurous, loud and rambunctious, and analytical and manipulative. Each and every one needs to be figured out at a young age and raised differently to become the best individual they can be. When you don’t accommodate for a child’s needs, they’re going to turn out to be messed up in some regard because they don’t have the proper guidance to use their personalities for good. 

Cartman is easily categorized as an analytical and manipulative child. I know this easily because my little sister was and still is one; I see a lot of her behaviors in him, despite the fact that she herself is not racist or bigoted. He was probably the type of kid who would look at every person as a baby with a critical eye, figuring out what he could do to get what he wanted from them. Kids who are manipulative are incredibly smart and observant, able to judge what kind of person someone is and what makes them tick at a glance so that they’re able to work them to their own whims. They have incredible people-skills, but in the case of Cartman in particular, they’re also in need of attention, as most kids are. These types of kids you need to learn how to outsmart to keep one step ahead of them, and you have to do it fast. They can make incredible leaders if they’re controlled enough to learn how to respect; something they usually don’t know right away. 

Cartman is unfortunately a prime example of what happens if they’re NOT controlled; when he failed to learn respect, he instead learned what makes people tick and how to get them to a point easy enough to control. He learned that people who are upset are emotionally vulnerable and are easy to manipulate and to get their attention from, hence why he always calls people offensive names. He’ll do it repeatedly to people he knows he’ll get attention from every time, like poor Kahl. Add on the fact that his family life is quite a bit messed up and his mom isn’t often giving him attention— far less than a child like him needs... Well, that’s a recipe for disaster. 

 So, in conclusion, I wouldn’t totally pin the blame on his behavior on him, nor is he totally not redeemable. He is a very good example of a child born into the absolute worst environment for a child like him, especially since he is not the type of kid to just get over it and deal with it. Its not the worst family scenario in the world, granted, much less in South Park; from what I’ve seen, the general consensus is that Kenny holds that title. The difference between the two is their personalities; Kenny is more of the quiet and observant child, who tend to be much more flexible, appreciative, far less attention-hungry, and much lower maintainance, which is why he got out of his situation a much better child than Cartman did. If you think about it in that way, Cartman is an incredibly tragic character, don’t you think? I think he needs to be thought about more in that regard, beyond thinking he’s an “evil” character and more has an “attention-starved” nature. 

Cartman has the potential of being a good kid and a great leader, as mentioned before. He just needs to also be taught respect and humility, which is completely possible for a still-learning child like him.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Fic, Fake Smiles, 2

Hello naughty children, its sequel time. I got a lot of people showing interest in a sequel to this fic right here, and it was an interesting thing in the first place, so here we are. And do you all know how much I love horrifying imagery yet? Well, you should. Get ready. Roman’s writing some angst. And be aware; this is not necessarily in line with the first fic’s concept. It is just meant to be a sequel to it.

Tip Jar

Warnings: Non consensual changes to behavior and body, claustrophobic situation. 2,671 words.

Abstract: Roman angered the wrong personality trait.

Its time for a time out. Clear the room. He’s coming.

Here’s the thing about shape-shifting nobody ever talks about. Your size can change too. Your height. Your width. Especially if you’re part of a mind. Then there’s really no limitation.

Roman stirred and begun to wake slowly. This… didn’t feel like his bed. Not even close. He woke up in a mild panic and opened his eyes. Smooth, frosty glass all around him. He looked down. Still in sweats and a white tank top. He was stuck in something glass in his pajamas.

He stood up and surveyed the situation. It was a cylinder. On top there was metal that was screwed onto it. The glass next to it was tinted reddish in the shape of almost a… skirt?

Was he trapped in a jam jar? Sweet Hercules, he was trapped in a jam jar. Hm. Maybe that means the glass isn’t really frosted. If he had been sleeping in here all night, then…

He walked to the edge and touched it. Nothing unspeakable happened. It was just foggy glass. He moved his hand and wiped the fog away to form a little window to look out of.

Wall. Or a cabinet. It was wood.

He went to the other side and wiped away some of the fog there. More wood. He tried another part. There was a water glass. What appeared to be a giant water glass. He made a line all along the the jar at eye level. This was a cabinet. A nearly empty one with some water glasses and a few empty jam jars. Why was he here?

Roman thought about his castle and snapped his fingers. Nothing happened. He tried to will his regal clothes back. Nothing happened. He tried to shape-shift into someone stronger to try to break the glass. Still, nothing happened. He was stuck, in a jam jar, in his pajamas. Great.

He sat on the side in a huff. The jar was just barely too small for him to lie down in. If he lay down his head and part of his shoulders or his legs would have to be on the wall of the jar, but it wasn’t small enough for him to comfortably position himself against the sides either. All he could really do if he wanted to lie down was curl up into the fetal position, and he did not like doing that.

He considered turning the jar on its side and rolling out, but then he would have to crawl. And how high up was this cabinet?

After an indeterminate time,(time was an illusion in here, seeing as it was always dark) he decided to try it. Roman stood near a wall and jumped at the other side of the jar. Nothing happened.

“I am becoming quite pissed at the lack of movement here,” Prince mumbled to himself.

After a few more attempts to knock the jar over or break it, he gave up and sat down on the floor, holding his head in his hands.

Anxiety. This had to be Anxiety. Roman knew he shouldn’t have listened to Patton. Now Anxiety was back to his old self and free to carry out his revenge. It wasn’t like Anxiety had been completely someone else. Roman had just put a spell on him that would make him act like he would if he was a happy person. Interests and opinions didn’t change. Aesthetic didn’t change. Roman had even thought Anxiety had a nice smile when he was like that. Almost as good as his own. It had been warm and inviting, like the kind he saw Thomas wear when he was editing the parts of videos where he was playing Anxiety. Warm and playful, with a sparkle in the eye. It could almost make you feel warm inside.

But now that smile was limited to Thomas when he donned the makeup and oversized hoodie. Actual Anxiety hardly ever smiled, and if he did it was evil, or sad, or in slightly dark amusement. Even when he smiled at jokes or pranks Roman saw something darker there. Something sinister that chilled him to the bone.

He hugged his knees and fought back tears. Being stuck here was beginning to take a toll on him, and he had no idea how long he had been there. He would almost prefer Anxiety’s usual methods of revenge or symbolic bs. Breaking and bruising, panic, and being barred from speaking were all preferable to this. Being small and stuck with no chance of escape or awareness of the passage of time. Nothing but the fog from his own breath and a few empty water glasses to keep him company.

This was his torture. No escape. No movement. No change. Nothing to keep him occupied or inspire him. It was nearly unbearable.

He screamed. He couldn’t take it. He began pounding on the glass as he began to ugly cry in hysterical sobs. He was surprised at how suddenly he snapped, but he couldn’t take it anymore. The frustration and claustrophobic space were too much. It was too much.

“Anyone! God, please. Make it stop! Anxiety! Stop this! Stop! Stop. Stop. Stuh…”

He fell to his knees and leaned his torso on the foggy glass, wiping away the fog left there and smearing it with his tears, snot, and oily hands. He knelt there crying until he became too tired to keep going and he was all cried out. His head hurt now and his face felt flushed. The drying saltwater on his face stung and made him feel stiff. Sleep gave little rest.

He was awoken by a blinding light, followed by a jolt to the side. The jar was being moved. He attempted to stand and face the issue like a hero should, but the movement of the jar wouldn’t let him. It was still hard to see. His eyes were adjusting from the extreme dimness of the cupboard.

He heard a snap like a rubber band being removed from something, followed by a grinding noise as the metal lid above him twisted off. A pair of fingers reached in and he tried to fight them off but they found their way around his torso.

Roman thrashed and yelled. “Come on, Anxiety! Let me go full sized so I can fight you like a… Morality?”

Patton gently placed Roman on the counter next to the cookie jar. He placed the rubber band and cloth that had been on top of the jar in a drawer and the jar and its lid in the dishwasher. Then he looked down at Roman. Looked down at him with sharp daggers in his eyes.

Nothing in all the realms of the universe can make one feel smaller than the disappointed gaze of a benevolent parent, and Roman was currently four inches tall.

Roman stayed silent. His own eyes were looking down at him with a disappointed gaze and he wasn’t exactly sure why. After a minute or so, which felt to the prince as if it were an eternity, Patton spoke.

“I’m going to put you back to normal, and you’re not going away. Do you understand?” Patton said.

Roman stared in disbelief at the angry father in front of him. He said nothing.

“I said, do you understand? Answer me, Roman,” Patton said.

Roman swallowed and nodded. Patton moved his hand up and Prince was sitting on the counter, normally sized and fully clothed.

“Do you know why I put you in that jar, Roman?” Patton asked.

“You were the one that did that to me? I was lost in there! I was being tortured within an inch of my life!” Roman exclaimed.

Patton shook his head disapprovingly. “That’s just the problem, Roman. You don’t know what you did wrong. Well, its my job to know right from wrong. Were you under the impression I was just comic relief?”

This last statement was followed by a cold smile that was rarely seen from Patton. It was serious. It was deadly. It was the smile he gave just before someone was put in their place. When bigots were struck down. When friends were hurt and then avenged. When it was decided that someone would not be forgiven for what they had done. It was rare, it was cold, and it was absolutely terrifying.

Roman swallowed. “Fine. What have I done?”

“You hurt Anxiety. I know more about feelings than you do. What have Anxiety and I been trying to tell you and Logan for years? You can’t think through everything. Did you honestly think that hurting Anxiety would help us in any way?”

Roman jumped off the counter and got as close to Patton’s face as he dared.

“Listen up, you pretend parent, I did not harm him in the slightest. I simply altered his personality slightly. It was an attempt to alter the entire personality and it failed. Nothing about Thomas changed so you can leave it alone already,” Roman said in the angry serious tone he normally reserved for Anxiety, or in rare occasions Logan.

“Do not take that tone with me, Princey. I know Anxiety was trapped. More trapped than you were in that jar. More tortured. More closed in. I know about feelings and emotions. I am feelings and emotions. So would it kill his highness to listen to his feelings for two minutes?”

Roman took a step back. Patton’s eyes were slowly filling with tears. He blinked them away and closed his eyes tight.

“I’m sorry, kiddo, You just, really hurt him. You did. And now I hurt you almost as much. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,”

The tears fell quietly, but Patton fell slowly to his knees anyways.

“I’m sorry, Princey. I’m sorry,”

Roman was used to seeing Patton cry, but somehow this time was different. There was something desperate about this. Something almost hopeless. Morality was always extremely open. He was the heart. He never repressed any emotions on his own. Never pretended to feel something. Sure, he might say he’s feeling bad with a smile on his face, but he will tell you when he’s feeling bad. This was just as genuine as anything else, and that was the terrifying part.

Roman got to his knees on the kitchen floor and touched Patton’s shoulder.

“Patton? Morality? What do you need me to do? What do you need?”

“Apologize to Anxiety. You need to mean it,” Patton said, not looking the prince in the eyes. “You have to mean it,”

Roman punched the wall in his bedroom, making a splintery hole. He quickly willed it fixed and then went back to pacing.

Apologize to Anxiety? Why? Why? Anxiety is the antagonist. Anxiety is the one that causes the most problems. Avoidance of social events, worrying constantly about problems that aren’t there, stopping Thomas from doing fun things even when they are possible. Why should he feel any remorse for what he did?

“What are you so stressed about?” Came a voice.

Roman jumped and drew his sword. Anxiety looked unfazed. He sat there on the headboard of Roman’s large gilded bed eating an apple. He seemed almost bored.

“What are you doing here?” Roman asked suspiciously.

“My job,” Anxiety said through a mouthful of apple.

“Explain,” Roman said, pointing his katana at Anxiety’s face,

Anxiety swallowed his apple and rolled his eyes. “You’re distressed. I’m here to make it worse. That’s what I do. Though I sense you’re upset about more than just all of Thomas’ friends being out of town. They’re totally abandoning him, by the way. Its probably your fault. You always did make us a little too eccentric,”

A thought passed Roman’s mind. He fought with himself about it for a second and then asked Anxiety the question.

“Do you actually bother us just for the sake of making things worse?”

“Nope. Its all justified,” Anxiety said bluntly. “Thomas really is that much of an idiot and we need to make sure his friends, family, and fans don’t realize that and suddenly abandon him. Or, us if you’re talking about the fandom maybe,”

“I think i preferred when you were being vague,” Prince said, sheathing his sword.

“So what’s your damage?” Anxiety said, taking another bite of the apple.

Every nerve in Roman’s imaginary form yelled at him to snap back with an insult and push Anxiety aside. He thought of Patton. Thought of those daggers in his eyes. That cold stare. The sobbing on the floor. The fog on the glass.

“What was it like when I put that spell on you?” Roman asked.

Anxiety froze mid-chew. His mouth was full and his jaw was raised under a closed mouth. After realizing he had frozen he swallowed hard and looked at Princey in disbelief.

“Why do you care?” He asked.

Roman looked at the area to the right of Anxiety rather than directly at him.

“Patton put me in a time-out today,” Roman said.

“Yikes. What was it for you?”

“A jar. A jam jar in a dark cupboard,” Prince said.

“He usually just doesn’t let me leave my hallways,” Anxiety said, taking another bite.

“Wait. He has done this before?”

Anxiety moved the bite of apple to the side of his mouth so it wouldn’t show when he talked.

“Rarely, and usually to me. He just makes me get lost in the nightmare hallways,” He swallowed. “I don’t like being in there for more than I’ve got to. Its not the worst thing ever though. Its just mildly irritating. Not like what you did to me,”

“Then what did I do to you?’

“You put me in Hell, Princey. I was in Hell. You have any idea what its like acting happy when you don’t wanna?”

He gently threw the apple core at Roman and it bounced off his shoulder. Roman noted there was no hostility in the gesture. If anything, it was playful, like siblings blowing straw wrappers at each other in a fast food restaurant. The lack of hostility and mockery Anxiety was showing today cut him to the core. There was something extremely unnatural about it. Somehow it was just as terrifying as Patton’s cold anger.

“No answer, huh?” Anxiety said. “Well, then I’d better stop messing around and do my job,”

There was the evil smile. Right on cue.

Anxiety seemingly vanished, but the room grew darker. He shouldn’t have told the emo idiot about his time-out. He really shouldn’t have done that.

How does it feel when you don’t get to choose? Not good, huh?

The words echoed through his head as the bed grew further and further away. Soon, Roman was about the size of a mouse. His belt and sword hadn’t shrunk with him. He pushed the now heavy leather strap off of himself. This was not going to be fun.

The guilt he felt, the terror he felt, the failure that was his to own, all weighed on him far more than that leather belt. He sat down leaning against one of the feet of the bed.

You cause problems just like the rest of us.

“I was wrong that time, but I do not cause as many problems as you do,” Roman said to the air. “I am sorry, but I can’t believe I deserve this,”

You’re not perfect.

“But I am. I am perfect just the way I am,” Roman said. “Far more perfect than you,”

I think he meant he is sorry. I think he meant it.

“So you’re here too. Very well. The line blurs more often than one would think,”

Ideas still came. Everything stayed the same. Or perhaps a bit more anxious than normal. Mild creative block after being forced to act happy for a few days. Nobody can be happy all the time, No creative person can be creative every second of their life. Thomas Sanders is no exception to the rule. This last week had just been particularly hard.

[filipfatalattractionrblog]

First off: Donald Trump is a moron. No matter how much time and effort pundits and democratic party officials try to gin him up as some conniving mastermind so they can convince themselves their candidate didn’t get beaten by a man who thinks health insurance is dirt cheap because he sees life insurance for babies advertised on Fox News, he is an ignorant dipshit of the highest order. His attention span is nil and his ideas can be changed by whoever talked to him last, or whoever just butters him up enough to play to his ego. He is not a clever man, or a consistent one. He’ll say anything, then change it in the next minute. The few things he sticks consistently to are his ego, his bigotry, and his predatorial behavior towards women. Steve, on the other hand, is portrayed as a very clever man. Not just historically as Captain America, but here in the modern Secret Empire arc and everything leading up to it. How he plays people against each other, manipulates connections and government power to get what he wants, putting together all sorts of tricky plots to end up deposing the Red Skull and also taking over America. The way Donald Trump rose to power was heavily pinned on old fashioned bigotry. Not just his personal bigotry either, which he’d use to fire up overt and latent racists, but how the GOP has spent decades suppressing minority vote, especially black vote. And when keeping them from getting to the ballot isn’t enough, just straight up purging votes, or them ending up getting ‘lost’. Manipulation of the right to vote itself, and also, fostering state level power via gerrymandering and more, continuing to play to bigoted ends, to prop up their own power and also continue to use racism and other forms of bigotry to solidify their base. We did not put some too-clever-for-us genius in power. We elected a short-sighted moron who was willing to tear all the dogwhistles off on standard southern strategy GOP campaign racism, whose power was solidified from a local to national level with a GOP who stand behind his actual policies and decisions 100 percent even if they may dislike how erratic he is as a person. Which leads nicely into the next way Steve is a poor fit as a representative for Trump: Steve isn’t racist. Steve isn’t even secretly racist, as Spencer will tell us over and over again, and that Hydra is actually the wokest fascists in the world and more socially progressive than the standard democrat. Steve is so much not-a-racist that even while using Inhumans being shoved into concentration camps as minority metaphors, and mutants being exiled to their own nation as another set of minority metaphors, none of the writing will take the leap to say that Steve is bigoted against these minority metaphors. Even while using them as symbols of the damage bigotry does, Steve himself, fascist in charge of it all, gets to stay clean, gets to be “I don’t personally have anything against mutants and Inhumans…” Trump, on the other hand, is a racist in the extreme. Not a secret racist, not a dogwhistle “welfare queens” and “urban youth” racist, he is very publicly a racist. He has been for decades. He called for the death of the Central Park 5, even took out ads for it, no matter how thoroughly their innocence was proven. He got a federal investigation into the fact that he wouldn’t allow properties to be rented out to black people. Before he started his 2016 campaign, he had spent years and years railing against Obama, calling for his birth certificate, believing and inflaming a racist conspiracy theory that Obama wasn’t an actual American citizen. A racist conspiracy theory that even “mainstream” GOP members found themselves having trouble explicitly denouncing. He kicks off his campaign early calling Mexicans rapists and criminals. He casually puts out the idea of Muslims having to be registered in America. And that’s not even getting into his sexism, either, which modern Steve Rogers would be painted as being totally devoid of. Trump preys on women, talks about them like objects, sexually assaults them, and when one of them infuriates him, his misogyny is constant, even against conservatives who would be believed to be on his “side”. And even all that wasn’t enough to stop him from getting the majority of the white women vote, which shows a hell of a lot of the power of explicit racism. The stunning reality of how much people will tolerate or even cheer for. Then there’s the fact that while both Hydra Steve and Trump are fascists, Steve was a secret fascist the whole time, and Trump was very much publicly so. So much so that there was whole debates on “should we call him a fascist?” while the campaign was still going, and if there was any foolish doubt left before he got elected, the time inbetween certainly removed it. America did not elect someone who hid his true, fascist intentions, relying on their belief in him as a good, moral, and certainly not bigoted man; we elected someone who publicly called for reporters and protesters to be assaulted, that said he’d pay for the legal troubles of anyone who beat up people at his campaign stops he didn’t like. We elected someone whose racist behavior was publicly documented daily and decades ago in legal courts. We elected someone who talked about registering Muslims, who talked about building a wall to block out Mexico and forcing them to pay for it to boot. We elected someone who did absolutely nothing to hide his beliefs, or his intentions. He shouted them out, and loved the attention it got him. He did not go through backdoors, and he did not use socially acceptable dogwhistles the way types like Paul Ryan might have. He just threw it all out in the open. He was what he showed us to be. He called for his own opponent to be thrown in jail while he was campaigning. His fascism was naked. Which leaves the other thing. Steve wasn’t elected, he was appointed. The way Trump takes power is far more banal than Steve’s byzantine plot and use of Hydra soldiers to take the country by force. Trump was elected, and despite the fact that yes, there was meddling from various Russian interests, that cannot, and does not, explain the whole situation. If GOP hadn’t been suppressing black vote year after year after year, this wouldn’t have been a contest. You can blame hacking on political interests from another country, but you’re going to have a hell of a time trying to blame GOP racism which has been in action for longer than I’ve been alive on Russia. Trump didn’t need soldiers on the ground either, though there was plenty of random racist civilians trying to intimidate people at voting booths. People tend to imagine fascism can only come into power by sheer military force, but here it is, through vote suppression of various flavors, through rallying of bigoted interests all across America, from a fucking presidential campaign that was allowed to do whatever the hell it liked, and given infinite coverage by networks because it was too good for their ratings. Hell, even extends to social networks like twitter, which could’ve cut off his influence forever ago because of his racist and abusive comments breaking the TOS, but twitter never wants to rock the boat there, and is constantly scared of ‘losing’ users, no matter how much people like Trump and his followers drive others off. There are people who actively collaborated in Trump’s win, and there are people and corps who enabled it, and there’s even liberals like Spencer who tsk-tsked protesters who shut down a Trump rally because it was “bad optics” and “giving Trump what he wants”, instead insisting on some meaningless silent protest that would’ve been ignored by CNN anyway. It’s not hard, either - news networks ignored the massive anti-war rallies when Bush was pushing it. Whether protesters did anything or not, Trump was still getting that media attention, cuz media wanted to give it to him. Trump didn’t need a bunch of costumed goons with guns to take America for him. All he needed was the fact that America can and does vote for racist fascists, and even supposed liberal, progressive people and groups will sit back and let him do and say what he likes because they fear disrupting order and comfort more than they fear the damage of what Trump and his followers were doing and still are. If you wanted to tell a story about American style fascism, you’d be better off talking about elections and how much bullshit America is actually willing to tolerate, or even enthusiastically vote for. Hell, you can look back at the original Secret Empire. The guy in charge of that entire plot was already in office. America doesn’t need to be tricked into fascism, we vote for it. We vote for it regularly, and often, enthusiastically. In all these ways, Steve Rogers is a terrible fit as an analog for Trump. But the racism, the bigotry, sticks out a lot. Intentionally avoiding grappling with bigotry in Steve Rogers’ Hydra, his ascent to power, and his rule over America means what you have to say about America? About American fascism? About fascism at all? Is fundamentally dishonest. It omits some of the most important things. You cannot have effective fascism without bigotry of some form. It just doesn’t happen. No bigotry? You’re not taking the throne, that’s for sure. If Trump wasn’t as racist as he was? If Trump was, in some bizarre alternate universe, not racist at all the same way Steve is portrayed as? He never would’ve stood a chance at getting elected.He would’ve never been allowed to get anywhere near power in America. His racism did not fell him, it empowered him, because we, as a country, are racist as hell. Our history is racist, our government is racist, our present reality is racist.

Colin Spacetwinks, Comics and Cowardice

[sapropel]

Some Thoughts on the Structure of Discourse  (and Why It's Faulty)

Hi guys! I’m sure a lot of you have noticed, but the discourse has turned to shit. I wanted to provide some thoughts on the topic, but it’s some stuff I’ve been meaning to stay for awhile. If you’re worried about the current state of the discourse, I encourage you to read this.

Also this took me three hours to write and I’m mentally ill as hell so please validate my questionable decision to write all this out lol

There are many reasons that Tumblr discourse has gotten so toxic. For one, when you put a bunch of teenagers in a high stress environment, especially mentally ill teenagers and teenagers who are survivors of abuse and trauma, it's a breeding ground both for toxicity and for pain. Because social justice/discourse Tumblr attracts users with rough backgrounds or marginalized identities, it's easy to band together against and bond over common oppressors. These things can cause several issues.

Tumblr has a terrible habit of weaponizing identities. By that I mean discoursers will use their marginalized identities to win arguments without providing other evidence or good arguments.

Take the following argument for example:

Q: Is the word “homosexual” problematic when talking about gay men?

Gay man 1: “Yes, it is.”

Gay man 2: “No, it isn't!”

Okay, so now what do you do? You're used to believing people based solely off of their identities, but what happens when they disagree?

The issue with holding marginalized people as experts in nuanced issues is that marginalized identities are NOT monolithic. People can be prejudiced, bigoted, rude, or purposefully deceitful regardless of identity. People can also be extremely kind and intelligent with different backgrounds and lived experience, with some ignorance and mistakes, with personal preferences. Obviously, if you hear overwhelmingly that something is problematic from that group of people (e.g, is it okay to misgender trans people, the answer being no), then you should take care to listen and take them at their word. Some arguments are more complicated and require deeper analysis, so let's return to the argument before.

Q: Is the word “homosexual” problematic when talking about gay men?

Gay Man 1: “Yes, it is. It recalls the medicalization of gay men and our subsequent mistreatment and dehumanization. With the split attraction model, the word also has a new meaning, so it can be confusing in conversations. Many gay men consider the word to be a slur and don't want to hear it.”

Gay Man 2: “No, it isn't! As a gay man, ‘gay’ has become an umbrella term for anyone who experiences same-gender attraction. If we don’t use that word, how will people be able to talk about us, and how will we be able to talk about ourselves? Because of some events in my life, I'm uncomfortable with other people calling me ‘gay’ but I've never been uncomfortable with ‘homosexual.’ “

Okay, so you heard an argument this time. So, what's the right answer? Isn't that what is important?

It's not that simple. One issue with discourse on Tumblr is its inability to handle nuance. Who GETS to decide what's right? Sure, we can figure out bits and pieces. For example, you should know it's inappropriate to call the first man a homosexual because he's said it makes him uncomfortable. We know we shouldn't make the second man accept the label “gay” if it hurts him.

So again, who's right?

I can't tell you that. I could only ever tell you my opinion. I can tell you that for me, personally, I like to err on the side of caution.

Tumblr is unwilling to treat issues as living, changing, perhaps unanswerable entities. The need to have a black and white answer on everything is alienating people and making discourse a fruitless endeavour. Instead of fighting to prove why we’re right, or fighting to get an answer, we should be working together towards a common goal of educating each other and ourselves and allowing ourselves to be compassionate and imperfect creatures.

How do we educate each other? I promise that treating people with innocent, if misguided, questions isn't it. We have to let people be curious and make mistakes and know that we won't demonize them for dissent or for messing up. I believe that open, honest, and genuine discourse will naturally teach well.

Again, I would like to stress that there is a difference between situational ignorance and a person consistently unwilling to better themself.

The weaponization of identity isn't the only issue with some of the language of our discourse. I also want to talk about the difference between systematic oppression and discrimination and how Tumblr handles it.

With marginalized identities, there is very often oppression. This word gets thrown around a lot, especially with respect to ace discourse. So what does it mean?

Systematic oppression is the institutional or legislative and almost always cultural manifestation of disenfranchisement coupled with a power dynamic that inhibits social mobility.

Some examples of people who are systematically oppressed (at least in America, but due to imperialism and the like, the effects are usually global) are black people, women, and people who experience same-gender attraction. I'm going to talk about the experience of systematic oppression vs discrimination for the third case, just a little bit. Obviously, these issues are extremely complex and I won't be able to explain every facet, but I can give a rough sketch.

For the sakes of simplicity and consistency, I would like to talk about two groups of people: gay men and bisexual men. Both groups of people experience same-gender attraction, and both are oppressed under homophobia.

Hold on, did OP just say that bi people are oppressed under homophobia? WHAT ABOUT BIPHOBIA???

Okay! This is a common misconception on Tumblr. Homophobia is systematic because it is legal, institutional, very cultural, and involves a power imbalance between those who experience SGA and those who do not.

Biphobia is NOT a form of systematic oppression, and I'm happy to explain why in another post, but not here. This is already too long.

Does that mean that gay men can't discriminate against bi men? No.

Does THAT mean that bi men can't discriminate against gay men? No.

Any aggression that occurs between two people who are oppressed under the same systematic force can be classified as “lateral aggression.” Lateral aggression is damaging, insidious, pointless, and divisive.

There are cultural components that privilege bi men over gay men, and there are cultural components that privilege gay men over bi men, but in society, there is no power imbalance between the two.

Bi men can be extremely homophobic to gay men, and gay men can be extremely biphobic to gay men, BOTH to the point where it could ruin someone’s life.

I said all of this to lead up to my very important point: the validation of discrimination.

I've been on Tumblr for 4 years, and in my opinion, Tumblr mainly cares about oppressed identities or notions that can be wrapped up nicely in little bows.

But I want to make very, very clear that having more marginalized identities than another person does not make you better, smarter, more correct, or mean their struggles are more valid than yours.

Some of the worst things that have happened in my life are because of things that don’t get me ~Internet points,~ like the fact I was raised in a Mormon household, the fact I'm not conventionally attractive, the fact I grew up in a conservative area.

The discrimination and heartache I have faced for things like these are arguably worse, or at least comparable, to the discrimination I've faced for being a gay man.

I feel that a lot of what's wrong with discourse is that people feel like if their heartache doesn't come from being systematically oppressed or from trauma/abuse, then it's not equal or that it's not valid. This is ABSOLUTELY false.

If we are going to be successful discoursers and make progress and better ourselves, we have to let go of our strange fetishization of identity. We have to stop the idea that there is any cohesive, monolithic experience or perspective from any group of people. We have to validate discrimination and the effect it has on people.

Failing to do this alienates people and makes it harder for all of us to become knowledgeable and kind.

We HAVE to kill the idea that someone making a mistake or holding a mildly problematic belief makes them irredeemable. We HAVE to treat arguments as individual and not necessarily as mindless parts of a larger whole. We HAVE to accept that we are imperfect, dynamic, and human. We are not arbiters of judgment or masters of morality. We are a group of people who have come together with the common goals of building community and working to better the experiences of disadvantaged people.

I recognize the need to be wary of patterns and harmful rhetoric, and I understand (and condone) retaliation against oppressors and unnecessary cruelty. This post is NOT here to excuse repugnant behavior and beliefs.

We have to treat each person we come across in the discourse not as the sum (or worse, the poster child) of their identities, experiences, and beliefs, but rather as intersectionally gestalt, multi-faceted, capable of compassion and love, imperfect, and with a boundless potential to improve themself.

It's easy to start a witch hunt on someone who made a poorly worded post or who made a mistake, and sometimes such an extreme reaction is justifiable, even necessary. But again, think about why--is it the allure of seeming more enlightened? Is it blindly following someone you admire? Is it out of spite and cruelty? Is it because you want to win? Or is it out of a genuine desire to keep people safe and to help others learn?

I understand that we are imperfect and sometimes hedonistic or primal in our intentions, and I know that perfection is impossible. I know for a fact I am guilty of many of the shortcomings I highlighted in this post.

Good discoursers have to know that being incorrect is inevitable. There is no such thing as perfect discourse, and mistakes should be expected. The discourser who sees themself as infallible is the discourser to be wary of.

We aren’t machines. We’re people.