#these are the difficult decisions i have to make

[notscarsafe]

Update: Tangofrags (not to be confused with Tangotek) a member of the VH SMP server has said in his discord that he will be distancing himself from Vault Hunters. Chosen Architect also is taking this stance.

What sucks about stuff like this is it effects everyone from the fans up to the developers employed for all this. Like all the members of the server who rely on these streams for income. I'm worried about HBomb, I'm worried about JoJo. I want to rally around the streamers who now have to make difficult decisions and pivot in light of what they know.

[thatdisasterauthor]

I do indeed have much I can say on all of this! I don’t have time for a full breakdown, but let’s hit some key points.

🌪The Milton evacuation and changing the direction highways.

This is called “contraflow” and it is indeed a thing that is frequently used in evacuations. However, from what I understand, Florida might have laws against this? At least that’s what I’ve heard, or maybe just laws that do indeed make it very difficult. I haven’t had a chance to look into it too closely. And it is a tricky thing to do safely just off the cuff without a known procedure in place, which you wouldn’t have if it’s against the law in your area. You’ve gotta shut down all the exits/entrances accordingly so you don’t have issues with head-on traffic, you’ve gotta make sure you have effective alternate routes for emergency traffic, you’ve gotta have a space to reintegrate traffic into the proper lanes once the contraflow segment has ended, etc. etc.

You’re right that this isn’t a police problem, it’s a LAW problem. Maybe also a police problem in the sense of what trainings are available to them, what procedures they have in these situations, etc., but not an ACAB style police problem. Plenty of places DO use it, like I said. (Also, sometimes you’ll get spontaneous contraflow, where people just start doing on their own, but that’s a whole different can of worms.)

🚗 Over dependence on cars.

America is indeed super car dependent, but that’s not exactly the issue here, at least not in the way you’d think. First off, evacuations are just HARD. That’s a lot of people to move. Even if you took every large transport vehicle in a given area (so all the buses of any sort, any trains, any planes), you’re not going to get the entire population moved out in a timely manner, even if every seat is taken. It just isn’t feasible for so many reasons. People DO need to be able to evacuate via car. It’s also very dependent on the disaster in question. An evacuation for a hurricane is very different than most other evacuations due to the amount of time you, usually, have.

Now, one thing that happens and causes problems during evacuations is that people take ALL their cars instead of just one. Mom takes one car with the kids and as much stuff as possible stuffed in the back, and Dad takes his truck with the dogs and the bed piled high. A lot of evacuation planning doesn’t account for this. They see a four person family and think, “ah yes, the family sedan has six seats, they’ll just take that and go, we don’t need to plan for them to put both their cars on the road and at all the gas stations along the way.” But then they do take both cars, and so does every other family on the road, and suddenly you’ve got a shit ton more cars doing something that you expected a lot less cars to be doing. I have a lot more thoughts on this I can share later, if people are interested, but for now we shall move on.

(There’s also definitely an element of poor city planning and infrastructure in some places, but that’s very much a case by case thing.)

👩🏻‍🚒 We need a better emergency management system.

Yes! Though, actually, we already have a pretty good one as compared to other countries. Not great, by any means, but something like FEMA is pretty rare. Most countries just kind of ad hoc disaster response on a case by case basis, which is also what we did until we created FEMA in the 70s.

I have A LOT of thoughts about how we could improve the system as it currently stands, which is a big part of why I want to do a PhD in emergency management.

🔥 When to evacuate.

You mentioned this in relation to the Camp Fire, and that one is…yeah, that one was so bad. There’s a lot that goes into making evacuation decisions, and unfortunately studies have shown that a lot of emergency officials still believe the myth that people will panic if you give them too much information about a disaster. This leads to delays in evacuations, among other things. Also, evacuations are expensive, and that makes officials hold back. Plus, there’s the “cried wolf” effect where if it turns out the evacuation WASN’T needed, the next time it IS needed, people will be less likely to go, which again makes officials hold back.

With the Camp Fire, though, I don’t know if any of that specifically was what was at play. That thing just moved FAST. Also, this was a small mountain town. There were not a lot of ways out, just thin mountain roads. I guarantee those officials who made the evacuation call hesitated because they knew people WOULD get stuck on the few potential roads to safety. They weren’t making a choice about evacuation, they were making a choice on where they wanted people to be when the fire DID hit. Because it was going to hit. So do they concentrate people all in one spot, on a road that itself won’t burn but will be completely surrounded, or do they keep people spaced out all over town hoping that pockets of it might be safe? And they had to make that decision at the drop of a hat, knowing people were likely to die either way.

Fires are, in my opinion, the most terrifying thing to have to manage an evacuation for. They are both incredibly quick, but also potentially long lasting. They can shift direction at a moment’s notice. They can do things you never knew they could do. They can consume absolutely massive areas. They can die down and pop back up when you least expect it. And to be the person making the decision on how to handle that must be a very, very heavy weight.

👋🏻 People in positions of power just waving their hands.

Some do, some don’t. There are so, so many amazing people out there who care about this stuff and are doing their best to address these issues. But they need support. Taking over the department of transportation isn’t the answer, your local emergency management department is. Check out what their emergency plans look like, they should be on your county and state websites. Read through them, find the holes, go to meetings, contact your representatives. Be a nuisance to Congress RIGHT NOW.

🎓 Disaster education

Lastly, to @kyraneko’s point about needing better disaster education, yes! Yes we do! I think one of FEMA’s weakest points is its lack of addressing and helping individuals directly prior to a disaster, rather than in large groups. I’m working on it. Got a big project in the works that will, hopefully, start addressing this issue. And that’s not including the PhD.

Sooooooo….yeah! :D That ended up a lot longer than I thought, lol. Hope some of it was interesting to those of you who have made it to the end.

So I have a friend from high school who is a cop. (Yes, I KNOW.) I shared a photo on Facebook of a packed highway of people attempting to evacuate from Hurricane Milton, all while the lanes going in the opposite direction were open and empty. And my Facebook post was basically me screaming, “Open the other side of the highway and reverse it so that people can GET OUT.”

His response was essentially, “Yeah, that is *really* difficult for us to do.” Not in a condescending way, because he genuinely isn’t a huge asshole. (Yes, I KNOW.)

And then I may have vented in my response, in which I tried not to imply that the police were a problem. Because to be honest, I don’t see this as a police problem. I see this as how we have fucked ourselves as a nation by making ourselves so dependent on cars.

There is that poll on this site – or multiple polls, at this point – asking how long people can tolerate being in their cars. And the thing is, Americans (and Canadians as well, I am imagining) have almost no other options. We have to be used to spending a good 12 hours in a car without breaking a sweat. Everything in this country is built around being in a car. There’s a reason when you ask us how far away a place is from somewhere else, we normally give that distance in hours and not miles.

Air travel sucks. It sucks for a multitude of reasons – cost, the hassle of dealing with security, the time suck, etc. – and in an emergency, only a select few are going to be able to use it to get away from a hurricane. And that’s one of the few disasters where air travel is an optional escape.

Train travel sucks. Amtrak is not something you’re gonna be complaining about if you’re trying to get away from whatever disaster you need to evacuate from. But next to so many other countries, Amtrak looks like we’ve been receiving other countries’s leftover railway systems from the 70s. It also doesn’t go everywhere. I live in northeastern Pennsylvania near Scranton, which prides itself on its history in the train industry. We have a museum and everything. We have multiple things named after that museum, including the Steamtown marathon which is happening tomorrow.

Can you get on a passenger train in Scranton? Nope.

(The main argument against this always seems to be that people will come here from New York City and commit crimes, which is hilarious considering if somebody wanted to come here from New York City and commit crimes it’s only a 2.5-hour drive.)

Anyway, disasters.

If the only option you’re gonna give most people to get out of areas of Florida that are being targeted by hurricanes or areas of California that suffer from wildfires or places in the Midwest that face flooding are cars, then we need a better fucking emergency management system regarding transportation in this country. You can’t just sit there and mock people for not evacuating because they can’t or won’t when getting away from Milton meant sitting on highway for hours with absolutely no gas stations whatsoever nearby having any gas at all. (It just makes me think of those photos of people stranded on the highway in their cars in blizzards where people are like, “Now imagine imagine how bad it would be if all of those cars were electric!“ Well, all of those cars in that photo in that blizzard run on gas and they’re fucking stranded, sooooooo.)

Look, we can change the transportation system in this country. we did it before and we can do it again. We used to have more train options, fewer highways. My small hometown had a fucking trolley in the 40s. Now, if you don’t have a car here, you’re stuck. You can’t even get Uber here. if a wildfire started here and surrounded the town, it would be a clusterfuck.

Regardless of how you feel about the police, if police and fire departments in this country cannot organize an evacuation on a highway in a way that will reduce the backup so that tens of thousands of people aren’t sitting in their cars when a hurricane hits, that’s a problem – not just for those people, but for the police, and the fire department, and emergency management in general.

The people in charge of emergency management are just people, just human. I’m researching the Camp Fire in 2018 right now, and you had a bunch of people calling 911 saying, “I can see a huge fire off to the east. Are we safe? Should we evacuate?” The 911 operators could only work off the information they had. They could have told people to evacuate earlier, but Cal Fire didn’t anticipate the strength of the fire. Which is understandable. Nobody could anticipate the strength of that fire. But the 911 operators were sitting in an office with no windows, and they had no idea what was going on the east. They couldn’t look out and see exactly what was happening. If they could have, they probably would have told people to leave as soon as possible much sooner than they were told to. Instead, they waited for official confirmation, and when they did start telling people to evacuate, traffic managed to back up in a small town of 25,000 people until many of them were trapped in an unimaginable hellscape.

When people need to evacuate from a disaster, and they stay instead, far too many people - including those in positions of power – just kind of wave their hands and say, “Well, we tried.” No, we didn’t. This country made not trying its watchword, and now we’re at a point where unless you own a car, which is a luxury a lot of people cannot afford in this economy, escaping from disaster is impossible. So you can get in your car or somebody else’s car and go sit on a highway and hope your gas doesn’t run out, since none of the gas stations for 100 miles have any gas to give you, or you can stay in your house and hope you don’t die.

Sometimes, I really wish somebody would make me the head of the department of transportation. I would demand an absurd amount of money to build a better train system, to provide better transportation options for smaller towns, to provide extensive training for rescue personnel in managing evacuations like the clusterfuck in Florida this week. I would become an absolute fucking nuisance to Congress. I would be asking for money left and right to make it so that our only options as Americans weren’t to get into cars we can barely afford these days and attempt to organize our own evacuations from the growing number of natural disasters in this country.

Y’all keep posting these polls about how long you can tolerate being in a car at the same time that tens of thousands of Floridians were sitting on highways trying to get away from Tampa so they wouldn’t die in a hurricane.

We can tolerate being in a car all goddamn day. It’s because we don’t have a fucking choice, even when it’s life or death.

[coeurify]

“it’s november.”

the words have you jumping, the unsolid, rounded edges of the stool you’re currently standing on wobble with the movement of your foot. a squeak follows, rushing to find your balance— which is fine so by pressing your hand against the wall you were trying to reach the top of.

the hand that’s currently holding a string of multi colored christmas lights, the green trail of side dropping below you, your stool and the wall you had already pinned them to.

“it’s november,” the voice repeats— belonging to your girlfriend ellie, who walks behind you and peers up. the sweater she wears is pushed up to her elbows, pooling the cloth in a way that makes her look a little silly. as silly as the tone of voice she uses as she continues her obvious teasing. “and you’re already putting christmas lights up?”

your lips pout out immediately at the words, huffing as you press your sock clad feet. “november is almost over el. this is an absolutely valid time to put these up.” you wave your hand holding the clump of lights around, much more steady on your little wooden stool you were using for some added height.

“babe, thanksgiving hasn’t even passed,” ellie continues— and you can see her shaking her head even out of the corner of your eye as your head turns back to the wall— jaw clenching as you press up on your toes again to hand the light over the next pin. the small chuckle that the sight of you struggling to reach the spot seems to bring only annoys you more— head snapping to look over your shoulder with a look ellie liked to call your ‘scary eyes.’

“you can’t even— baby you can’t even reach. how did you get all that up?” ellie tries not to laugh but she can’t help it, the bursts of giggles slipping from her lips before she can stop them, green eyes trailing over the soft and cozy living room you two shared. somehow, alone with your little shitty stool.. you had covered at least half of the room while she was napping. “let me help,” she offered, a hand reaching out to steady your leg.

“no!” you complain, kicking your leg out a little to shrug off her hand. it only brings the wood below you to rock some more, which makes ellie grip a little harder. “you��re being judgy. i don’t want your help.” you sound petulant, maybe a little hurt by her amusement that you were doing this now.. alone.

“i am not being judgy,” ellie soothes her hand over your leg as you reach forward and successfully hook the sting of wired lights over the next spot. “you are, and you’re basically the same height as me— you can’t reach shit either.” you continue, the dig at her height a teasing one, paired with an eyebrow raise and fleeting glance back at her.

“ow?” ellie’s free hand clamped over her chest in faux hurt— the ragged cut strands of deep auburn hair shaking with her head. you find yourself watching the movement and fighting away a smile. “i meant by keeping you steady but if you wanna be mean i can totally let you do it all.” ellie pinches your leg over the fuzzy sweatpants you’re wearing. if it was anyone else you might be a little worried she was actually hurt.. but you can hear the humor seeping into her words and drawing out her sentences.

“fine,” the sigh that comes with the tingle word makes it seem like this decision was just absolutely the most difficult one you’ve had to make— the dramatics always evident. “i guess you can help. but only if you quit saying i’m doing it too early.”

honestly, you had planned to finish this little light hanging before she was done with her nap. she worked a long day with joel, you wanted to surprise her. and okay.. maybe you had seen one or two too many videos about the holidays that had given you the itch to decorate something and right then. but clearly the surprise element was lost, and ellie’s sarcastic taunting had replaced it. so now maybe you’re doing it out of spite. who knows, maybe you’ll even put on the santa clause after.

ellie’s fingers raise to her mouth, fake zipping them and nodding quickly. the urge to roll your eyes is one you act on, scoffing at her before you turn again and feel the steady warmth of her hands on both of your legs now, shifting you a little bit further down the wall for the next spot.

your lip falls between your teeth again, toes straining against your feet as you push as high as you can to get the next spot and—

“okay but you can admit most people wait for after thanksgiving right?”

“ellie!”

[hippiegoth97]

Random Spencer Reid Thought #2

A/N: Fucking FINALLY got something written for once. Enjoy some crumbs, lovely readers <3

Content Warning 18+ Only, Minors DNI: swearing, smut, virgin!Spencer Reid, fem!reader, no use of Y/N, fingering, groping, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, dirty talk, rough sex, fluff

Some tags: @rafeyscurtainbangs @loserboysandlithium @hotwritergf @bloodibambiidoll

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Spence?" You ask Reid as you're straddling his thighs, the two of you naked in his bed as you have been so many times before. Although, it's different this time, because he's just asked you to take his virginity from him.

"Yes. I'm ready." He replies softly, sitting up against the headboard, his hands resting at your waist. He's brought you here on many occasions, though up until recently the most you'd do is make out until your lips were sore.

He'd met you at a book shop a few months ago, reaching for the same first edition of some dusty old classic. Sherlock Holmes, maybe, or perhaps even Moby Dick. He doesn't quite remember (and his unmatched memory captures everything), as he was far too focused on the gorgeous, soft hand that brushed against his own in grabbing for the book. A shared laugh soon followed, light and airy, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Your beauty enraptured him instantly, and he nearly tripped over himself to give you his number and await your call to plan a date of some sort. It was so unlike him to do so, it made him seriously question his sanity for an hour or two. But after a conversation with you that lasted hours into the night when he returned home that evening, he was pleased to find he'd made a very wise decision.

Fast forward to the last month or so, and things have rapidly progressed from hand-holding and passionate kisses to touching various naked areas with your hands and mouths. You've been patient, guiding Spencer along each stepping stone towards intercourse, encouraging him, exploring him in every way imaginable. Despite your insistence (and multiple comments he receives from certain coworkers of his), he's never exactly found himself to be attractive. Not really.

He's spent most of his life a full step ahead of everyone else in terms of education and career, leaving him considerably younger than most of his peers. That fact alone has made it rather difficult to experience a lot of 'firsts' in regards to intimacy. He's been kissed before you came along, maybe even felt up a little bit, but nothing beyond that. In all honesty, a part of him is glad to have been spared the awkward adolescent groping and vulgar attempts at playing grown-up, because now he's been able to share all of these amatory encounters with you.

"I want this. I want you." Spencer reiterates as you haven't made any next moves yet.

"I want you too, baby. I just have one more question." You say softly, brushing a wispy hair out of his face before cupping his cheek.

"And what's that?" Reid asks, unable to help smiling as you gaze at him adoringly.

"Do you want me to put a condom on you, or are you okay without one?" You ask, the words sounding a bit more clinical than you'd like. But it's a fair question.

"I-I dunno. Should I?" His brow furrows, unsure how to go about this. He's aware you're on the pill, though that statistically isn't 100% effective. And he may be a virgin, but he's aware of the mess sex can make, and it might spare a bit of cleanup afterwards. He's getting stuck on it now, pondering inside his head as you play with the foil wrapper between your fingers.

You giggle at his momentary trance, shaking your head. "It's only if you want to, Spence. It's not exactly a life-altering decision."

"That's not true. You could still end up pregnant." Spencer retorts, about to rattle off statistics at you about just how many children were born to parents who assumed oral contraceptives were enough. You put a finger over his mouth to stop him, and he sighs when he realizes how intense he's getting about this. He gently moves your hand away, speaking again. "I'm sorry, I'm being silly."

"No, you're not. It's sweet that you're so concerned." You reassure him, giving him a soft kiss. He hums into you, allowing your tongue to slip into his mouth for a moment. You pull away shortly after, taking his breath with you. With your lips still brushing against his, you meet his dizzied gaze. "I only ask, because I want your first time to be extra special. And it'll feel so much better if you fuck me without a condom on." You say seductively, making his pupils dilate with lust.

"Actually, studies show that there's little to no difference in sensat-" Reid's gargantuan mind starts up again, leaving you no choice but to cut him off by taking his cock in your grasp. "-fuck." He mutters, losing his train of thought entirely, his eyes flicking down to look at the scene between his legs. His stiff, ample length throbs in your hand, pearly beads of precum dripping down the side as you lazily stroke him.

"Baby, look at me..." You purr, drawing his gaze to you. "I'm gonna ask you again. All I need is a 'yes; or 'no', okay?" You wait for him to give an understanding nod. He does, as well as letting out one of the filthiest little moans you've ever heard. "Do you want to wear a condom?" You ask, letting his dick fall from your hand for a moment. He whines at the loss, the sound sending a flare of arousal between your legs.

"No. I want to feel you. All of you. Please." Spencer begs, and you could just about melt at the pitchy whimper in his voice. You've noticed he grows rather needy in bed, and it doesn't take much to rile him up. The way he takes everything you give him like a precious gift is so goddamn intoxicating.

"So do I, Spence." You say with a smile, one he mirrors. "Is this position okay? We can do it any way you want."

"This is fine, makes me feel close to you." Reid says sweetly, squeezing your hips a little.

"You wanna warm me up a little bit first?" You ask, longing to feel his touch.

"Of course." He nods, leaning in to press his lips to yours. Spencer always starts with a kiss, no matter what it is you end up doing. It's really romantic, and makes your knees weak every time. You let him lead, allowing his tongue to dominate yours in a fervent dance. His hand leaves your waist, trailing along your supple skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake. His long fingers brush past your inner thighs, reaching their intended destination without him having to look. He rubs slow circles on your clit, making you moan against his mouth. It doesn't take long for him to venture further, slipping two fingers inside your drenched cunt.

"Fuck, Spence." You moan aloud, the way his fingertips can reach your g-spot so quickly and easily takes you by surprise every time. You grab hold of his cock again, mainly holding it to keep him ready. Although, the sounds you're making and how wet you are seem to be doing that job just fine. The air of the room heats up, growing thinner as the seconds pass. Unabashed moans escape the two of you as you work each other up, building towards the one thing you've both desired for so long. "I'm ready when you are." You say breathlessly, eager to finally feel Spencer inside of you.

"O-Okay." He stutters, nodding his head enthusiastically. He pulls his fingers out of your cunt, bringing them to his lips. He sucks them clean, moaning at the taste of you. "Mm."

"Dirty boy." You tease, making a deep blush bloom wildly across his cheeks. You start to stroke him again, very slowly. You get up on your knees to position yourself over him.

He watches your every move, unable to say a word. It's finally happening. He's going to have sex. With you. Reid feels like a silly teenager with all these thoughts running through his head, but they all fall away the second you bring the tip of his cock to glide through your folds. You share a moan at the sensation, gazing at one another with parted mouths. Hearts pounding in anticipation, breath stolen from your lungs, arousal leaking from you both and mixing together in the indescribable friction. Spencer could cum just like this if he isn't careful.

"Ready?" You ask one final time, just to be absolutely sure that he wants this.

"Yes." Reid nods, trying to keep himself from squirming. You feel so good, and he's not even inside you yet. He's certain he won't last long, but you've already told him a hundred times that it won't be a problem.

You don't waste anymore time, holding his cock at your entrance and gradually sinking down onto him. "Fuck, Spence. You're so big." You moan as he splits you open. He's a bit larger than you've had before, and it's been quite some time since you've done this, so every inch is deliciously stuffing you full.

Reid, on the other hand, has gone completely mute. His mind has stopped working, and all he can do is grip onto your hips with all the strength he has without hurting you. You're absolute heaven inside, if he believed in such a thing. So hot, and slick, and snug, squeezing around his dick perfectly. He finally understands what all the fuss is about. He could just about cry from happiness in this moment. Once you're fully seated on him, your walls constrict out of reflex, which appears to get Spencer's sex-addled brain working again. "Oh, my...fuck- I, um, wow..." He babbles, unsure what to do with himself. His hands fidget at your sides aimlessly, and his expression twists and bends in all manner of ways as he attempts to get a grip on one singular thought.

"Shh, look at me, Spencer." You coo to him, leading his chin with your finger. He meets your eyes, though his own desperately want to roll back into his fucking skull. "That's it, baby. Just breathe, alright? Nice and slow, 'kay?" You guide him through the initial shock, nodding together slowly as he takes deep breaths. "There you go. I'm gonna start moving now, okay? Don't worry if you cum early, and just tell me if you need me to stop." You say softly, keeping things light and low-pressure. The last thing you need is him worrying about his performance.

"Okay." He breathes, chest shuddering as you start to ride him. You lift yourself up, almost letting him fall out altogether, and come back down at the same pace. You do this a few more times, gradually picking up a bit of speed.

"That feel good, baby?" You ask him, rolling your hips as you set a steady rhythm.

"Yeah, so fucking good." Spencer huffs, feeling close already. But he puts that out of his mind, focusing instead on enjoying this with you. "Do you feel good?" He asks, needing more than your vulgar moans as confirmation.

"So good, Spence. You fill me up so well, I'm so fucking wet for you." You admit these lewd thoughts to him, no stranger to being vocal during intimacy with him. Reid enjoys it immensely, adding words to the actions just makes everything astoundingly better. "Tell me how it feels to fuck me, Spencer." You say through a moan, riding him a little bit faster now.

Spencer groans at your increased speed, doing his best to hold back his orgasm. "I-It's exactly what I'd always hoped it would be." He starts. "I can hardly find the words to describe how much I'm enjoying this right now. You've blown my mind to pieces with this perfect fucking pussy." His grip on your waist grows rougher, taking you by surprise. He's following his instincts, leading you with his hands as you bounce on his cock. His assistance punctuates every landing you make, your noises growing louder as pleasure builds inside you. "I can feel you making a mess all over me, fucking soaked." He says, marveling at the drenched patch on his crotch. Your arousal glistens in the light as it's caught on his coarse hair and pale skin. "It drives me crazy to know you're loving this just as much as I am."

"I am, baby. You're so deep, hitting all the right places inside me." You say, speeding up a bit more. Spencer's hands migrate to your ass, squeezing your flesh roughly as he continues to keep up with you. You're surprised he's lasted this long, oddly proud of him for doing so.

"Fuck, you're incredible." Spencer groans, getting dangerously close to the edge again. He'd tell you to slow down, but everything feels too good to stop. Instead, he tries to drag you down with him, starting with diving face first into your tits. His mouth nips and sucks at your flesh wildly, struggling to land where he wants with your ceaseless bouncing. The noises he makes are borderline animalistic, groaning and grunting against your chest.

"Jesus, Spence!" You can't help letting out a breathless laugh at his urgency, picking up on the fact that his end is closer than your own. "You wanna try to help me out?" You offer, eager to feel him take some of the control. He doesn't say anything, just nods and makes an unintelligible sound at you. He thrusts his hips up, following what his primal urges are telling him to do. It appears to be working, given the shocked gasp that leaves your lungs at his effort. He keeps doing it, his mind turning to mush more and more as he fucks into your cunt to meet you halfway. "Oh my god! Yeah, keep doing that." You pant the words out, clinging to him by the shoulders.

Reid grins against your flesh, still biting and suckling while he pounds into you over and over. He's doing it, he's really doing it. He's keeping control of himself, he's going to make it. "Feel so fuckin' good, gonna make you cum, gonna make you scream, I promise...promise, promise..." Spencer murmurs to you, vowing to not give up, even though his balls are screaming for release right now. He has to get you there, if it's the last thing he'll ever do. "Such a perfect pussy, so good for me, so, so wet, fuck-" He groans when your walls constrict around him a bit, almost making him blow his load entirely.

"Don't stop, baby, you can do it, fuck me, make me cum, please, Spence..." You plead as your orgasm builds near the point of toppling over. His filthy mouth and feral actions have set you on fire from the inside out. You knew sleeping with Spencer would be special, and intense. But this is an entirely new level. His craving of you has blocked out all else, leaving him only with the mission to chase release. His, and your own.

"Oh, god, lay down, lay down, I'm gonna cum, gonna cum..." Spencer babbles, attempting to push you over onto your back. You follow his lead, his cock still sheathed inside you as you let him lead you where he wants. As soon as your body hits the mattress, he proceeds to ram himself into you as hard and as fast as he can.

"Fuck! Spencer!" You cry out as he hits an entirely new angle inside you, your ass resting over his knees as he thrusts forward. His hands grip your hips so hard, sure to leave dark bruises once he's through with you.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, gonna fill you up, gonna cum deep inside this pussy..." Reid grunts, sweat slicking him down, stomach clenching as he's about lose it.

"Keep going, baby. Don't stop, I'm almost there. Cum for me." You whine as his cock slams into you again and again.

"Fuck!" He nearly shouts when he finally feels it, his balls tightening, bliss washing over him, his hips stuttering as he fills you with thick ropes of white.

All you can do is bear witness as Spencer cums, harder than he ever has in his life. His brows knit together, mouth falling open as he moans so fucking loud. He keeps slamming his cock into you, hoping to pull you down alongside him. Feeling his load spill inside of you, as well as his desperate thrusts sends you tumbling over the edge. "Oh, god! Spencer!" You cry as your orgasm rips through you mercilessly. Your pussy clenches down on Reid's spent length, making him gasp as he keeps thrusting to get you off. You thighs shake violently, stars blurring your vision, hands clawing at the sheets beneath you. It's the most beautiful thing Spencer has ever seen.

You both slowly come down from your high, soaked in sweat and totally spent. Spencer carefully pulls out of you, though you still wince a little. "You okay?" He asks, noting your discomfort.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit worn out." You laugh lightly, crawling over to the right end of the bed to lie down. Spencer joins you, pulling the covers over you both and taking you into his arms.

"Sorry about that, I don't know what came over me." He says, a little embarrassed for losing control the way he did.

"It's okay, baby. More than okay, actually." You reassure him once again, stroking his damp face with your thumb. "I'm surprised you had it in you." You chuckle, and he does, too.

"So am I. I guess you...bring it out in me." He explains, and you nod in understanding.

"And I take that as a compliment." You say with a sleepy smile. "Did you have enjoy yourself?" You ask.

"Very much. Even more than I thought I would." Spencer says earnestly, making your heart skip a beat.

"Me too, Spence. And I'm so happy you chose me to enjoy this with." You reply, leaning in to give him a tender kiss. This night has been the best one of your lives (so far), and you look forward to sharing many more moments just like this one in the future. Together.

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Pack Chapter 9

Trigger Warnings: Rutting, orgasm, Jeongin is feral, cunnilingus, blood play, choking, salirophilia, bondage, asphyxiation, MDNI, odaxelagnia, safe word

Jeongin's pre-rut was getting worse and he was struggling to function the past three days. He was snapping at people left right and centre to the point he made Jisung cry. Everything in his body was hurting. His muscles ached with desire. His nose was burning. His fangs were itchy. He was having a rough time. The other wolves were trying to be supportive of his attitude, but their patience was running thin. Chan and Hyunjin were trying to teach him some mental exercises but Jeongin wasn't having any of it. The only thing which ceased his temper was Y/N not being in the room. Poor Y/N was the main problem. Her scent was volatile to his nose. He wanted to claim her. Pin her down on his bed so he could ruin her, but he promised himself he would claim her properly but his wolf was being temperamental. "Fuck sake!" Jeongin shouted as he slammed the table. His eyes flashing red with rage as he thumped his way to his bedroom.

Y/N watched him with worry. She desperately wanted to help the alpha. She wanted to take his pain away and let him use her. Y/N knew how painful going into a rut was for an alpha, especially when there was an omega nearby. "Chan, let me help him," Y/N whispered as she walked over to him. They already had a conversation about Jeongin's aggressive rutting. Although he wasn't as bad as Hyunjin nor Chan himself, the element of surprise was still there. Not only that Jeongin wanted to make their mating time special and he didn't want to ruin it by hurting her during a rut. "Baby, do you remember what we discussed?" Chan asked. "I know Chan. At least let me try, if he turns me away I will leave. I know Jeongin is worried about hurting me so at least that means he's conscious right?" Y/N stated. Chan reached down to grab Y/N's chin as he looked at her grey eyes which held so much trust in Jeongin. "He is for now." Chan paused as he thought about his words carefully. "It's when he loses it. I'm worried you'll hate the idea of sex when he gets hold of you. I don't want that ruined for you. Not now. Not ever." "Channie, it's fine. I've been with an alpha before, besides what if you go into a rut? What then?" Y/N asked, watching Chan close his eyes in frustration. "Let me try," Y/N begged. "Y/N." Chan warned. "If he turns me away I'll walk out. If it's too much I'll call for you." Y/N promised.

After careful thought, Chan allowed Y/N to go to Jeongin's room, as long as she promised to call any of the wolves if she wanted out. It wasn't to say Jeongin wouldn't understand if she wanted out, it is when an alpha blacks out. An alpha going through a rut can be quite aggressive as they feel this animalistic desire to bury their seed in almost anything if not everything. It was their way of marking. For an alpha with a soul-mated omega, it would be even more difficult because their animalistic desire would be to claim, mate, and then produce, over and over again until they were satisfied. An alpha's rut can go on anywhere between three to five days, but it all depends on how satisfied they are. Jeongin, however, had never rutted with anyone let alone an omega. He spent most of his alpha years doing it alone in the safe house and now that was going to change. Y/N was going to offer herself up to him. She wanted to, as long as he was willing, of course. If he wasn't she wouldn't be offended, but the offering was there. The thing was Jeongin wanted to. He desperately wanted to, but he wanted to mate her properly not in this situation and Jeongin knew himself what he was like. It was a difficult decision and one he would have to face alone as he heard her heavy footsteps coming towards the door. "Jeongin?!" Y/N called out. Her voice was barely a whisper. Her melodic voice caused Jeongin to close his eyes in desire. "Jeongin, let me help. Please." Y/N begged. "No. I've got this." Jeongin croaked out as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Y/N's heart shattered when she heard Jeongin's sniffles. He was crying. Her alpha was struggling and he was fighting every urge in his body. "Jeongin. Listen to me. I want to help regardless. I trust you. I trust you more than I trust myself. I want you only if you want me to help." Y/N pleaded as she touched his door. "You promise, you trust me." Jeongin wanted confirmation. "Yes. I want you. Jeongin I want you to use me until it makes you feel better." Y/N whispered. "Fuck." Jeongin growled. Y/N could hear the thumps coming from his room as he quickly tried to sort his nest out but it was already far too messy for him to fix. "Wait. Wait. Fuck sake." Jeongin swore as he tried to make his nest somewhat decent but he was getting too hot and needy. In the end, Jeongin gave up and opened the door pulling Y/N into his room desperately. His shaky legs and bloodshot eyes didn't go unnoticed by Y/N. She wanted him to hurry up so he could be alright, but she also didn't want to rush him. "Is this okay? Is my nest okay?" Jeongin asked.

As soon as Y/N confirmed she was completely fine and was satisfied, Jeongin grabbed her legs to wrap around his waist. Once he reached his bed he threw her down with a growl, quickly slotting in between his legs. His red eyes appeared as he lowered his head down onto her forehead looking at her. Y/N nodded, letting him know everything was alright. Jeongin kissed her lips harshly before ripping her t-shirt so he could reach her. Jeongin didn't hesitate and ripped her joggers off with a growl. "Fuck." Jeongin spat. His face pressed into her stomach as he thought indecent things. His mind went to the thought of breeding her and fucking his seed into her until her belly swelled. Jeongin rolled his eyes in pleasure as he fell down beside her. He was losing it a lot faster than she had expected. "Innie. Let me help you." Y/N pleaded. "Yeah. Touch me." Jeongin breathed out. His mind was starting to slip until he felt his mate's hot wet mouth on his cock. Jeongin's eyes swung open as he watched her take him. Jeongin growled and sat up, causing her to almost take him fully. Y/N tried to relax her throat so she could slightly swallow him, but the sensation caused Jeongin to grab her hair roughly so he could fuck her mouth. "Gonna fuck your pretty mouth, yeah?" Jeongin growled, his eyes getting more redder with each thrust.

Y/N moaned around him, while gripping his ass, trying to force him in deeper, but her reflexes were making it harder for her, especially when he came in her mouth. Y/N coughed, accidentally spitting his seed out and onto his waist. "Sorry." Y/N breathed out. "Don't be," Jeongin growled as he spread his cum all over her face, painting her. Y/N smiled up at him which caused him to thrust his hand around her throat. The sensation caused her slick to drop out of her. She needed him. She once had a kink of being used but it turned into hatred. She wondered if now she would get that back, knowing Jeongin loved her. "Want to be inside you. Can you take me?"  Jeongin growled, a slight smirking forming on his face as he snapped her panties off, causing Y/N to gasp. Jeongin slid down to spread her legs apart to look at her glistening pussy. Jeongin hummed in satisfaction before giving her one long lick. The pad of his tongue pressed into her as he swiped up her folds. His tongue stayed on her body as it glided up into her mouth. His kiss was erratic. Messy even, but she didn't care. She embraced it as she forced him closer. Jeongin nipped at her bottom lip, dragging her head forward so he could push her back. When her head hit the pillow, he pushed his cock into her causing her to gasp and grip onto him. He wasn't as thick but the pressure stressed her out. Jeongin snapped his hips forward, thrusting into her rapidly as his head fell onto her left shoulder. His grunts and pants caused Y/N to clench down on him. Jeongin's hand reached up to Y/N's jaw pushing her down as he was ready to release his seed into her. As he did, he bit down into her marking her.

Jeongin relaxed for a brief moment but it was only for mere seconds as his wolf started to take over. He was losing it and Y/N didn't care. Her drive was high and she wondered if he would wear her out or she would wear him out. "I want to play a game," Jeongin smirked as he slid down to kiss her breast, playfully biting it. "Chan was going to chain me up today. That wasn't very nice. I would have been all alone in that stupid safehouse." Jeongin growled, spitting on her other breast. "So. I'm going to tie you up instead. You can't touch me. You can't clench yourself around me." Jeongin growled. "If you want to stop, call Chan. Since he's a great safe word," Jeongin taunted. "Not going to call Chan," Y/N answered. She would play a wolf's game. She fell into his den. She would play. "Alright." Jeongin's wolf said excitedly as he brought over the metal chains to his bed. Jeongin slowly placed one around her ankle after he kissed it, then connected it to his bed before doing the same to the other. "Is my little wolf scared, now?" Jeongin taunted as he smelled her deep arousal, but a slight tarnish of fear erupted. "I wouldn't hurt you. Only for pleasure." Jeongin teased.

Once her hands were tied to the bedpost,  Jeongin sat cross-legged in between her legs as he watched his seed leak out of her hole, making him laugh sardonically. He forgot to wear a condom and now her pussy was filled with his cum. Jeongin lacked a sense of care at the moment. He was more interested in using her over and over again. Starting with brutalising her cunt. He heard from Seungmin that she liked the feeling of his fangs sliding and scratching her, so Jeongin did just that, but harder, until she bled a little. When she bled he would watch it drip before he licked it up. His mouth would fuck her cunt until she squirted straight into his mouth, arousing the wolf even more, to the point he forced his way into her cavern. Fucking her over and over again until his seed was fully secured. Jeongin was a dangerous knotter. He could knot and explode within two seconds of cumming. The wolf had even assaulted her mouth with his cock. Knotting in her wet little mouth. Jeongin was in ecstasy while he bedded himself within her and marked her soul. She was truly his until his rut ended.

Taglist for the iconic readers:

@galaxy4489 @reallychaoticwoo @leezanetheofficial @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @maybeimmia @hwangrfrnd@wolfo2027 @kayleefriedchicken @leamueller920 @borahae-reads @jennibahng @cookiesandcreammy @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @linocz @maggicotton @jellymochii @itzreetal987 @jennibahng @vampkittenb82 @catlove83 @thatgirlangelb @pixie0627 @hyunmikim @skzdreamer13 @liv1sworld @upsidedownchaire @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @tsunderelintz @notevenheretbh1 @catlove83 @h0rnyp0t @hash2013 @emi-han @iknow-uknow-leeknow @jigglypuff3000 @aalexyuuuhm @missseoulite @ihrtlix @estella-novella @xxeiraxx @fr34k4c1dr41n

[q8qwertyuiop8p]

Something that has really bugged me about season two is Jinx's hallucinations and PTSD. It magically disappears when Silco dies, save for two scenes. I remember when people on reddit were literally making jokes about the writers going this route because it would be so stupid.

One of the things I loved about season one was the realistic depictions of mental illness that you just don't see often in media. I don't know what it is like to experience schizophrenia, but I have experienced PTSD and paranoia, and seeing how it was represented in Arcane was actually one of the things that helped me through it.

And then season 2 comes around and they just completely neglect this side of Jinx.

PTSD isn't a switch that can magically be flipped off. Recovery is a slow and gradual process. In absolutely no world would Jinx killing yet another family member cure her of her conditions, it would make them 10 times worse. Not to mention just before killing him she has an extremely severe psychotic episode, which would only make forgetting her trauma even more difficult since it was just brought up fresh in her mind.

And what even about the end of s1 was it that healed her? I genuinely have no idea, because she finally chooses Jinx only to once again go back and forth between Jinx and Powder in season two, because apparently all that buildup for her final decision was for nothing.

She does experience two hallucinations (I'm not going to count the jail silco thing in act three because what even was that?) when she sees enforcer Vi and when Sevika talks about the attack at Vander's statue, but suddenly that is all that triggers her?

In season one, just seeing Vi, or even someone who looks like Vi triggers her. But now when Vi is literally trying to capture and possibly kill her she is fine, it's only the mask that bothers her? Wasn't that her worst fear, that Silco and Sevika were right, that Vi only wanted to stop her? And she is constantly triggered by Cait in season 1 but not 2?

And then there was the insulting ending, where jail Silco tells Jinx to 'break the cycle' (something he would absolutely never do) and Jinx finally finds redemption by literally killing herself after Isha kills herself in what is framed as an act of heroism (and if Jinx actually didnt, than what even was the point of that scene?) What happened to Ekko trying to stop Jinx from doing that? What happened to Silco having Singed revive her to save her life after she attempts to take it? Or Jayce and Viktor talking each other out of it? Or Silco choosing to keep fighting rather than give into the "peace in water"?

On purpose or not season 2 frames suicide as a glorious, edgy, perhaps even necessary thing and it's disgusting.

[ode-to-fury]

Dance With Me

Pairing: Lucanis x Rook

Summary: Scene after the Illario fight, but the way I would have written it. It's not that deep or different, but I think it's better. My Rook but mostly I wasn't specific.

Disclaimer: Whoo first Lucanis fic! I'm still trying to find the DA companions' voices so you might have to bear with me a little bit. This has been in my brain since the MOMENT he said "I have other plans for the evening". I tried to make him that weird mix of awkward and smooth so lmk if I did that or if I need to work on it. Might come back and edit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You came back here just for coffee?"

Rook's voice startled him out of his thoughts.

When he looked up at her, his heart gave a lurch, the same lurch it had given every other time he'd laid eyes on her.

Her hair was damp and sligtly wavy from her bath, still, and she wore leather trousers and a shirt. It was difficult to see in the dim firelight, but he knew the blue of the shirt would be reflected in her eyes, twinkling above the bemused grin she was giving him.

"What, the stuff in that gigantic villa wasn't good enough for you?"

She folded her arms across her chest, eyebrows raised and dimples clearly visible as she grinned down at him. Mercifully, Spite was being quiet for once. He idly wondered if demons ever got tired, or overwhelmed after a long day. Something to ask Emmrich about, perhaps.

"It's better if I make it myself," he said, not quite managing to smile back at her, despite the lightness that smile brought to his chest.

"And besides, I wanted some quiet."

He hated that her smile melted slightly, her shoulders tightening ever so slightly. He doubted anyone else would have noticed, but he did.

"So," she said, "First Talon?"

"First Talon," he said, and if he was honest with himself, it did not fit right in his mouth.

"I still cannot believe Caterina did that."

Lucanis is the new First Talon. His decision stands.

The corner of her mouth lifted slightly, but her fingers tensed where they rested on her arm.

"Does that mean you're leaving?"

Ah.

He almost grinned.

"No," he said simply. "We have a contract. Besides, Caterina might have named me First Talon, but there's no stopping her from giving all the orders."

This time her smile was wider, and she tilted her head to the side so her hair shifted, glinting golden in the firelight. He ached to run his fingers through it.

"You know," she said, her eyes twinkling with laughter again, "You could have said, 'Of course not. I would never leave with you still here.'

Her Antivan accent was good. Too good. It made his chest feel tight whenever she pretended to be him. He grinned back at her despite himself.

"I would never leave with you still here," he said. "You'll have me for as long as I can put off the Crows."

He saw her brow furrow slightly, but she hid it quickly.

Before he could let his nerves interfere, he stood up, setting his half empty cup down on the table as he did.

"I may have had another reason for leaving the party early," he said, letting his voice drop slightly. He saw her eyes narrow, but then she gave him a crooked grin.

"Besides coffee, you mean?"

He walked past her, to the open space between the dining table and the door, and held out his hand to her.

"Dance with me," he said softly.

It was the first time he'd seen her truly taken aback. To his delight, her mouth even dropped slightly open.

"Dance with you?" She asked, as if he'd just asked her to jump into the Fade.

"What?" He asked.

"There's no music. Also, I told you," she said, shoulders tensing again, "I'm a terrible dancer."

She had. Technically she'd told all of them.

You'd have to get me drunk first, I'm afraid, it's mortifying otherwise. I got told I have about four left feet.

"You did," he said, still holding out his hand. "But you also said you loved to dance."

She tilted her head to the side, almost pleading.

"It's only me," he said softly.

"That's what's worrying me," she said, almost too quiet for him to hear, and he remembered that this was as new to her as it was to him.

What would a first kiss taste like?

Like hope.

She held back for a moment longer, then hesitantly, she placed her fingers in his hand.

They were warm, and her callouses scraped against his own as she allowed him to pull her close to him. His heart thumped in his chest, as if it was trying to get to her.

"I don't know how to do this," she said, and he knew she wasn't only talking about the dancing.

"Like this," he said, curling his left hand around her right, and placing the other one on his shoulder.

"Your elbow has to stay up," he said seriously, lifting said elbow so it was almost in line with her shoulder before dropping his hand to her waist. "Caterina would smack me with a cane if I got it wrong."

"If you try and smack me with a cane..." she started, leaving the threat unfinished.

"I couldn't find one," he said. She tried to hide a grin, but her dimples gave her away, and suddenly those hours with Caterina and her cane seemed worth it to him.

"Now," he said, "step back with your right foot."

She did, looking at her feet, and he followed, relishing the warmth of her hand on his shoulder, the way his hand fit perfectly on her waist.

"Back and to the left with the other."

She did so, and he followed.

"Now bring your feet together, and do the same with the other foot."

They went slowly, and he enjoyed watching the crease between her eyebrows as she concentrated.

Gently, he let go of her waist so he could tilt her face up to his own.

"You should look your partner in the eyes," he said, aware that his voice had dropped lower, but not really caring, "Not where you are going to step."

"And if I step wrong?" She asked, her voice slightly breathy. It felt like soft fingers tracing their way down his spine.

"Trust me to guide you," he replied, his hand going back to her waist.

The corner of her mouth curled up ever so slightly.

"Alright," she said. "I trust you."

As they moved slowly through the room, the firelight caught her eyes and hair, gilding her in gold and taking his breath from him. In fact, breathing felt suddenly like a very big effort.

"What is it?" She asked quietly, almost as if she was scared he would run if she spoke too loudly. He wasn't too certain he wouldn't.

"You are so beautiful," he said, before he could think about it too much, though his voice was markedly less smooth than it had been.

Her eyes, her beautiful, sparkling eyes, widened slightly.

"Really?" She asked.

"Would I ever lie to you?"

She smiled. It was small and soft this time.

"No one's ever called me that before," she whispered.

"Good," he managed to whisper back. "I would have to kill them."

And she laughed. By the blood of the Maker, she laughed and every terrible moment up until just then seemed as though it had a purpose.

"There's that smile," he said, when her laughter died down.

"Your's too," she replied, still grinning happily at him.

"Thank you, Rook," he found himself saying.

"You don't need to thank me."

She leaned in slightly, mischief in her eyes.

"For you, it's on the house."

His stomach tightened slightly when she did the accent, but he tried his best to ignore it.

"Did Illario hurt you?" He asked. "I'll skin him if he did."

She touched the scratch on her neck from Illario's, thankfully unpoisoned, blade.

"A scratch," she said dissmissively. "He hurt my pride more than anything else."

They moved for a few seconds in silence while he waited for her to ask the obvious next question.

"Do you regret..."

"Giving him a chance?"

He'd been thinking about it since they had left Villa Dellamorte.

Didn't you tell me he was basically your brother and your closest childhood friend?

"No," he said. "You were right. He's family."

Family. The word tasted sour in his mouth.

"I didn't even suspect him," he said. "When the Venatori caught me on the boat in Tevinter, it never even crossed my mind."

Almost without meaning to, he brought her right hand to his heart, his fingers tightening over hers. She lay her head on his shoulder as he pulled her closer, a solid weight against him. A comfort, for the first time in his life.

"He's better than I thought," he said, absently resting his cheek against her head. Her hair smelled of lightning, and a faint, almost unnoticeable trace of honey. "Maybe there is hope for him yet."

She snorted a soft laugh through her nose, making him grin. It vanished quickly, though.

"But this wasn't a mercy. Being watched by all the Crows, with their knives out? He will never live down being the Traitor Crow, brought down in front of everyone. There is nowhere he can run."

"I was surprised you listened to me," she said. He felt her breath tickle his neck, involuntarily clutched her closer against him.

"So was I," he said. "But... I don't have a lot to lose. What there is... Caterina, this team... you, even my idiot cousin. I'm not giving that up."

She stopped moving, lifting her head up to look at him. She wore the softest smile he'd ever seen on her face.

"What's that look?"

"You have a big heart," she said softly, "For an assassin."

He tried to look away at the tone of her voice, at the emotion in it, but she gently turned his face toward her again.

"That's not a bad thing," she said.

"If it brought me here," he said, taking her hand again and kissing it on a whim, "To this moment with you, then it cannot be a bad thing. I just... I cannot believe he would do all of this, only to be First Talon."

She frowned up at him.

"He said you didn't want to be First Talon."

"I don't. But how am I supposed to trust him with it now? How is anyone? The funny thing is, he might have finally proven he has the abillity for it."

"Right before getting humilliated in front of everyone," she said, grinning slightly.

"Exactly."

He sighed, though it came out as more of a frustrated growl.

"Fucking Illario."

"Hey," she said, gently reaching up and smoothing out the crease between his brows. The gesture made his chest ache.

"We'll work it out," she said softly. "Together. But for now... "

He took her hand again, holding it to his chest so she could feel his heartbeat.

"Just be here with me," she said. "Just for a little while."

"I can do that," he said. "For a little while."

She smiled, and he could see the day was starting to get to her, the tiredness starting to reach her eyes.

"Rook..." he started, not sure what he was going to say, but needing to say something before his chest caved in on itsself. She cut him off before he could.

"Shhhh," she said gently, kissing him for a long moment before laying her head back on his shoulder. He forgot, sometimes, that he could kiss her. Usually, Spite was there to remind him, with enthusiasm. It scared him, how much he ached to feel her lips against his own.

"Don't ruin it."

So he held her close, and kissed her forehead, and later he let her fall asleep on his lap in the chair, savouring the way she held on to his hand even in sleep, and finally letting his fingers run through her hair, softer than silk against his skin.

[familiarscars]

Lost In Control | Bad Omens | CHAPTER 08

adult content | minors do NOT interact.

⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X ex-girlfriend and singer!Reader.

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. You and Noah had a difficult ending but you still need to support each other for the band.

⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). melancholy, ex-boyfriends, difficult relationships, alcohol abuse, swearing, drug addiction, violence.

It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.

Your eyes seemed to burn from the intensity of the light streaming through the window as your eyelids slowly peeled apart. The sound of a beeping monitor, a white room, and unfamiliar blue bedding came into focus, along with the IV lines running from your arm, causing discomfort whenever your body moved.

The sides of your head throbbed with such unbearable pain that your fingers pressed against your temples, as if fearing they might detach from your neck at any moment. Everything in your mind was a dark blur, with no identifiable cuts of clarity.

Yet the one certainty you had was why you’d ended up here—your body’s reactions made that abundantly clear. Your mouth was so dry that your lips stuck together, and your heart threatened to pound out of your chest with its relentless rhythm. Taking a sip of water seemed like a good way to silence the gnawing pain in your stomach, but as soon as you stretched your arm toward the bottle on the nearby table, it slipped through your fingers as a wave of dizziness clouded your vision.

“Shit,” you murmured, barely audible.

A sequence of claps drew your attention to the door, and your body instinctively straightened in the bed, despite the lingering pain in your left arm. Each clap synchronized with a step, and the expressions on his age-marked face clearly conveyed his lack of enthusiasm to be there, along with a palpable sense of disdain.

“Congratulations!” Gerard ceased his clapping as he stopped beside your bed. “It’s astonishing how you continue to surprise me with your incompetence.”

His eyes scanned your state with the air of someone examining something detestable, and when they met your face again, he shook his head in a theatrical display of disappointment.

“As if it weren’t enough for your face to be plastered all over the internet because you lost it and attacked a fan, now I have to endure the media interrogating me about why one of my vocalists overdosed at a party in my house!” he hissed through gritted teeth, raking his fingers aggressively through his hair. “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“I’d answer if I could remember anything,” you sighed in exhaustion, laying your head back against the pillow, wishing only for the throbbing, miserable pain to subside.

“Right now, we were supposed to be at the photoshoot for the band’s new winter clothing line, and guess what?” he emphasized. “They all refused to go because of you!”

“Want me to feel sorry?” you retorted with a scoff. “We’ve never even seen a dólar from those clothes. Looks like I did them a favor.”

Arguing at this point required more effort than your body seemed capable of mustering. Each word exchanged only amplified the pounding in your head, made worse by the grating irritation of his voice drilling into your brain.

“Noah’s decided it’s time for you to step back from the band and focus on getting help. He’s compiled a list of specific places for that,” Gerard gestured animatedly with his hands. “Isn’t that lovely?”

Amid the chaotic jumble of your thoughts, you forced yourself to recall flashes from the previous night. You couldn’t be certain whether it was your mind fabricating memories or if you truly heard Noah’s desperate voice, even though it sounded distant in your ears.

If it had happened, and he still cared enough about your recovery to suggest stepping away, it meant that, in some small way, he still cared. But why did this realization prick at the fabric beneath your skin? You couldn’t find an answer.

“I accept.” You agreed, snapping out of your thoughts, raising your eyes to Gerard, who stood with arms crossed, leaning against the bed. “I want to go to rehab.”

“No, that’s not how this works.”

Your brow furrowed at the sly tone in his voice as he stepped closer. Instinctively, you leaned back, trying to distance yourself from him, but the edge of the bed stopped you.

“We have two festivals in the next two weeks and a tour starting next month, and I’m not letting you ruin them like you did today’s shoot. In our last conversation, I gave you incentives to endure the routine, just like we’ve always done since you proved to be weak. It’s your obligation to learn to moderate!”

“Get out of my room! Stay away from me!” Your voice cracked, the edge of its firmness faltering. Keeping composure was no longer possible when all you felt was exhaustion, and even that wretched emotion he insisted on suppressing.

“Of course, sweetheart.”

Slowly, he leaned over you, gripping the curve of your elbow where the IV was attached, pressing the needle into your skin. Your body flinched at the sharp sting tearing through your senses, and you found yourself forced to meet his expressionless eyes.

“But when Noah walks through that door, you’re going to be a good girl and convince him you don’t need help. It’s not like you’ve never lied to him before, right? You’ll return to work and fulfill your schedule without letting that idiot interfere with my plans to keep the band together! I’m not losing money!” He enunciated every word, never breaking eye contact. “And do you know why you’re going to do this?”

“You’re hurting me.”

“Because you don’t want me giving a statement that your overdose was caused by your ex-boyfriend, who just happened to be in the same place where the emergency team found your body,” Gerard said, pressing his thumb harder into your skin. “It won’t be hard to make them believe me when they find what I’ve planted in his room.”

A warm trickle of blood seeped from the IV site as he pressed on it, the same pace at which it began to sting.

“You’re contradicting yourself when you claim to prioritize the band’s integrity, yet your first ‘mature’ decision is to destroy it entirely. You know my absence won’t affect Bad Omens’ performance, but doing this to Noah would tear it all apart. It makes no sense.”

Actually, a realization struck you faster than you anticipated. Gerard knew that when it came to the band, you and Noah had always been as one, and any disturbance to one pillar would inevitably shake the other.

As had happened before.

“I met someone who helped me with this dirty work, and I found it fascinatingly ironic when I discovered he’s a mutual acquaintance of ours: Seth Reigh,” you said, sarcasm dripping from your tone. “There aren’t many guys with that name in that city, especially one with an identical name in your history. Seth is one of Richmond’s best suppliers. But, to my surprise, it took me less than half an hour of digging to learn everything about him, including that he’s your stepfather. The same one who’s been hunting you like an animal for years since you ran away from home.”

How far could someone go when determined to own another at any cost? This was the dirtiest move you’d ever witnessed in your life, hitting you like a slap to the face. Hearing Seth’s name after nine years still made your body react the same way it had years ago. As if nothing had changed.

“All this time, you’ve been safe, with my men guarding each and every one of you. He could never reach you, couldn’t even come near you. But with just one call…”

“You’re the filthiest creature I’ve ever met!” you snapped, your jaw aching from holding back tears of rage.

“And you’ll learn to honor contractual clauses. If not for yourself—which I doubt since you don’t care about your own life—then for Noah’s. He’ll be terribly upset when he gets reported for illegal drug possession after his ex-girlfriend hid them among his things...” Gerard feigned a pitiful tone, as if thoroughly enjoying himself. “No love can withstand that, right?”

You already felt guilty for wrecking the life of the man you’d loved since the day your paths first crossed. Burdened by the mess of your cursed history, you couldn’t forgive yourself for dimming the light in his eyes over the years. You couldn’t be responsible for another.

As though he had managed to plant what he wanted in your mind, Gerard released your arm, the dried blood trailing faint marks where it had flowed. Your head still refused to process the moment, and like a shadow swept away by a lapse in time, he vanished from the room. But unfortunately, this time, it wasn’t a fabricated memory.

That conversation had actually happened.

The nurse brought your meal; everything looked anemic, tasteless, impossible to digest. You weren’t sure if the food was truly bad or if you just weren’t hungry, feeding on hate instead. Your fingers absentmindedly nudged the chicken piece back and forth on the plate, letting it roll alongside a green jelly that smelled like plastic.

“Hey.” A male voice whistled from the doorway, tapping twice before stepping in.

Your smile came unbidden, and he returned it as he walked toward you, hands tucked into his pockets. As always, a cap paired with the hood of his sweatshirt, he was dressed entirely in black and smelled so good you dared to think it was the first scent you’d noticed since waking up. Noah wore the same clothes as yesterday—he hadn’t gone home, hadn’t left you alone.

A restless kind of peace came with him, and he had no idea that it was exactly what you needed.

“As always, I’m giving you trouble…” you began, a little embarrassed, but his soft chuckle cut you off as he gently moved your leg aside to sit on the edge of the bed.

“That doesn’t matter, but I’d like to know how you’re feeling.” He sighed, glancing at the tray beside you. “Why haven’t you eaten yet?”

You just wrinkled your nose with a grimace that made him smile.

“Come on, at least a little, okay?” he coaxed, adjusting the tray in front of him. With infinite patience, he cut and gathered the food onto the utensil, then brought it toward you. “Watch out for the airplane!”

Stifling a laugh, you accepted the food and closed your mouth to chew. Determined not to upset him, you ate two more bites before he moved the tray aside again.

“I don’t know if you’re well enough for this, but I can’t think of a better time to have this conversation with you.” Noah hesitated, running his hands over his thighs and biting his lips before looking back at your face. “I promise that the person sitting here in front of you right now isn’t your work partner. It’s Noah. I don’t know if you even remember him, but he used to be yours.”

“Please…”

A warm sensation ran through your skin when he placed his hand over yours, his thumb tracing over the exposed bones.

“I know what it feels like to lose you, and I swear to God, it doesn’t compare to how I felt yesterday when I found you in that place.” Slowly, he raised his face, his dull, lifeless eyes brimming with emotion. His lips trembled, but his touch didn’t falter. “That was one of the most selfish things you’ve ever done, and believe me, you’re the most selfish person I know.”

As though it were an involuntary command from your body, a single tear fell from your left eye just after one rolled down his cheek.

“I’m so sorry for that.”

“I can’t take this torture anymore—being forced to watch you die. Every part of me rots along with you every time you choose to hate yourself this way because I’d never do that to you. I’d never treat you like that.” He looked up, gasping for air, before continuing. “So, if you still hate yourself too much to want help, do it for me. I’m still your biggest fan.”

Your chest felt like invisible strings were being pulled tighter and tighter, suffocating you. But you couldn’t expect much from yourself. Closing your eyes, you prayed for this moment not to be real, for it not to demand that you say the things that would break him again. But when you opened your eyes, he was still there, as vulnerable as the night you first kissed.

“Noah…”

“I’ve found good contacts. It’s not too far, the treatment would be short, and I’ve already planned to visit regularly and…”

He was talking so fast that he could barely hear himself.

“Noah, I don’t need help,” you blurted, closing your eyes again to avoid seeing the moment the words hit him.

“What?” he asked in disbelief, adjusting his position on the bed. “Do you have any idea what happened yesterday, or are you going to ignore it like you’ve been doing all these years?”

No one warns us that struggles with addiction are destructive not only to the user but to everyone around them, reducing their world to a single life—yours. No matter how much you try not to make it about you, they relentlessly, almost obsessively, pursue your cure, forgetting they’re deteriorating along the way. But who catches the strong one when they can no longer hold themselves up?

“I know I crossed a line yesterday, and that’s enough for me not to repeat it, but not enough to accept being admitted as if I’m some addict!” You didn’t even believe your own words, but you needed to hold your ground. “If you really cared about me like you say, you’d never suggest something like that!”

“You’re acting like you didn’t hear anything I said!” Noah pressed his hand against his thigh, preparing to stand, but you grabbed his wrist just in time to stop him.

Gently, you got to your knees on the bed and crawled toward him, feeling the wind from the window brush against your back, exposed by the hospital gown. Noah was breathing heavily, his face damp, his red, irritated eyes framed by strands of hair tucked behind his ears. He didn’t resist your touch as your hand cupped his cheek. Shutting his eyes, he moved slightly when you tilted his face, shaking his head as though the scene was something he had lived through before.

And in truth, he had.

"Hey, I'm still here, look at me!" you whispered, and after he refused once again, you opened your eyes, anguish etched into your face as your foreheads collided, breaths clashing. "There’s no one else in this world who knows me as well as you do, so give me one more chance when I say I’ll get it right this time. I want to be better. I want to be good again, but I can’t do that unless you believe in me. Unless, just once more, you believe in me, Noah."

Your voice held steady, resisting the urge to falter, and for a second, in his silence, you thought he was considering your words. The way he listened so intently, down to the rhythm of his breathing, made you hope. You couldn’t resist the subtle way your skin brushed against his, even though desperation lingered in the air.

But something shifted in his eyes. They darkened, fixing on you with an expression you had never seen before. Noah seemed to take every ounce of his accumulated weight—exhaustion, fury, repression—and throw it all down at once. Gripping the hand still resting on his face, he let it out.

"I. DO. NOT. BELIEVE. YOU." His voice was strong, firm, rough, and left no room for argument. He pronounced each word deliberately, not once breaking his gaze.

Noah shoved your hand away from his face as if it carried a contagious disease, and in the next moment, he stood up from the bed in a hurry. He turned back toward you, eyes scanning your frozen figure, still on your knees. It seemed to hurt him as much as it hurt you—evident in the way his breathing hitched, his chest visibly weighed down.

"If you really want another chance to fix things, then accept my help. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me and all the time I stood by your side, even when you least deserved it, even when I forgot the way back home." Noah insisted. "But if you don’t, I want you to forget I exist outside of the stage. I want to be dead to you, just as you will be dead to me the moment I walk through that door."

Though his words wavered with hesitation, they struck like a promise. Avoiding his gaze long enough to keep him from noticing your cracks, you lowered your head, offering him only silence in response.

But he would never understand.

"Hey..." Three heads peeked around the doorway, and both of you turned to see Folio, Jolly, and Ruffilo entering, pretending they hadn’t been eavesdropping just outside.

"Didn’t know we’d be walking into a funeral. We can come back later," Folio said with a flat smile, gesturing his thumb toward the hall.

"No need, boys. Noah was just leaving," you said with a friendly smile in their direction. From the corner of your eye, you saw him nod and storm out of the room like a furious bolt of lightning.

The trio exchanged glances, silently communicating in their own cryptic way before each of them found a spot on the bed, squishing together to keep you company. As the conversation flowed, you tried to distract yourself, even laughed at the absurdities spilling from their mouths, but your mind kept drifting back to the same place.

This was the first time you’d truly kept a promise to him.

You had finally broken his heart.

Once again.

⭑ @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard ; @iluvmewwwww75 ; @anarchydomainglory ; @foliosgirl ; @lma1986 ; @chey-h ;

[aceingonthecake]

Very Personal Take on Good Omens

I've always related more to Crowley. It has always been easier for me to understand them than Aziraphale, especially in s1. Don't get me wrong, I've adored Aziraphale since day one too, I just think that, personality wise, we have less traits in common.

However, since the end of s2, I've been able to really feel for Aziraphale and immediately found myself defending them and their final decision. I won't lie and tell you that, at the beginning, I didn't feel angry and even a little betrayed at all, but once I cooled down and thought about it with a clear mind I got it. And, later, I also got the reason why I was feeling so defensive about Aziraphale.

Last year I broke up with my partner, with whom I also had a lot of mutual friends. I was the one to call it off and I did it because there were some dynamics I couldn't tolerate anymore, but I still loved them and I suffered a lot (still do sometimes). Still, I knew it was the right thing to do for the both of us and I never regretted it.

The thing is, the friends we had in common never really bothered to check up on me: I was the one to call it off and I was the one who'd always appeared emotionally stronger, so why would I be suffering? However, they comforted my ex multiple times, sometimes right after I'd gone home, because they just burst into tears in front of everyone. Obviously, I was very sad and cried a lot too, I just avoided doing it in front of our mutual friends to avoid creating sides (when we broke up we promised this to each other).

Connecting all of this to Good Omens, I believe that something like that is happening in the fandom too. A lot of people are hyper focusing on Crowley's pain because it's more obvious and understandable to them, while they're painting Aziraphale as the "bad one" who broke their heart and doesn't care about them just because they were the one who made the difficult decision. And, while I understand it's easier to see it that way, I also think it's not actually that hard to dig a little deeper.

Just because someone's pain is more evident doesn't mean they were the only one to get hurt and didn't hurt back too. Crowley hurt Aziraphale too, even if we might not see it immediately or as clearly as the other way around. They're both suffering, there is no right and wrong side, they both made mistakes and, nonetheless, it's no doubt they love each other and deserve a happy ending.

I hope this makes sense. It's a very emotionally charged analysis so, even if you don't agree, be polite about it please. I know I didn't get too much into what happened in the final 15, but I've already made (and I'll make) other specific posts about it. This one was more of an emotional take.

I'd also like to underline that none of this is a contest about who's hurting more. It's an invitation not to take for granted other people's feelings but actually try and understand both sides of a situation, even if we naturally relate to or understand one more than the other. (Of course, this doesn't apply to toxic relationships).

[didalexiabreakupwitholgaisback]

Mario is getting cursed left and right on the bird app because of this article. I google translated it but I think some may have been mistranslated. Would you be able to help us on why their reaction is so bad. This is the article https://x.com/elmonarac1/status/1859993852977033433

well, you all should know that mariona is one of my all time favourite barça players, but the cursing is valid here and even i am shaking my head at this. 🤦‍♀️ especially the fact that it came on the same day that the federation and its cronies are actively attacking irene, misa, and jenni. it's really a wtf moment by mariona that tries to walk the line at staying diplomatic by not saying much, but that itself creates the problem. so yes, the 'always angry' faction of culers have a point here. 😬

anyway, mariona and the journalist who helped with her book, laia coll, gave a short interview with catalan radio (listen to the whole 20 min interview, don't just translate the article!) where they talk about her book and various topics covered in it.

the host asks about the selection and las 15/rubiales, and mariona says: "well, i think there has been a significant change in the federation in the conditions we have. i think that, obviously, from everything that happened, we are listened to and we feel that we have the context and the atmosphere to be able to do great things, which is, in the end, the only thing we want, to play and win."

and then the host went on to ask about irene and jenni not being called up and whether the conflict is still continuing and mariona says: "well, it's a complicated issue, isn't it? i, obviously, have no idea. i haven't spoken to montse. i'm not the one who makes the decisions, i don't know. i couldn't answer you, because i really don't know. i just don't know."

but then laia coll stepped in and said that irene is an exemplary captain and centerback and bad behaviour is impossible from irene and that if montse was not going to call her up, she should have done it with respect. and the host asks mariona again what she thinks and she says: "i think irene is an exemplary captain."

so yeah, i wish mariona just kept her mouth shut or explained what she meant about the federation changing because her statements did not help matters and were too diplomatic, bordering on conciliatory, whereas laia coll ended up having the better sound bytes, and most importantly, i wished mariona had made a strong statement about irene from the beginning.

i wrote about the cosmetic changes that rfef made in this post but we are talking about very basic changes like flying to away fixtures instead of taking overnight buses, and allowing families including children to stay with the team during camps and matches. the federation still has major systemic issues that need fixing.

i get that players are in a difficult position and mariona doesn't want to be controversial, but this was not the best moment from her. not a good look🤷‍♀️

[sylveonechidna]

What We Learned With Sonic X Shadow Twitter Takeover:

Shadow didn't really want to swap bodies with Sonic.

Shadow called Sonic "Stupid" and met with Amy.

Shadow doesn't hate Tails and recognizes his "Tremendous decision-making power" by calling him a Kid.

Traveling is important for Shadow, but if you don't learn your lessons along the way, you can make mistakes over and over again.

AND SHADOW IS ALSO A GREAT BABYSITTER! HE WILL TAKE CREAM TO THE PARK AND NOT LET HER ICE CREAM FALL, OR HAVE IT STOLEN BY SEAGULLS. WHAT A MIRACLE!

Shadow lost in a finger fight with Sonic.

AND HE ALSO DOESN'T KNOW WHERE SO MANY SILVER FANS COME FROM, BUT HE RESPECTS HIS GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS. I DON'T LIKE THEIR PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE! I LIKE THE OLDER BROTHER MORE-THE YOUNGER BROTHER!

SHADOW IS SONIC'S OFFICIAL RIVAL, PERIOD! Between Zavok and Dadonda.

JOKES ABOUT MOMS ARE PRESENT!

AND MACARENA! THEY SING IT TOGETHER!

TRUST IN ROUGE AND ENTHUSIASM WITH OMEGA. OH MY GOD, DARK CANON IS BACK AGAIN!

Shadow was at Amy's concert and had never BEEN so FIRED UP SINCE THE OLYMPICS. GIVE THIS GUY SOME MUSIC!

Shadow doesn't mind fishing with Big. OH MY GAD, I WANT TO SEE THEIR INTERACTION AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE ON SUCH A RELAXING MOMENT!

SHADOW WOULDN'T HAVE SAVED TAILS. HE KNOWS HE'S A SMART FOX, BUT HERE'S A HEDGEHOG. HE WOULDN'T HAVE HELPED HIM. PURELY A BEST FRIEND WHO HATES YOU BUT QUIETLY.

Shadow hates frivolous shopping, but because of AMY's ENTHUSIASM, he bought himself a couple of things and gloves. YOU ARE A TRADING PARTNER!!!!!

THE FACT THAT SHADOW WEARS PRACTICAL AND NOT BRIGHT OUTFITS MAKES ME RESPECT HIM MUCH MORE DEEPLY.

AND SHADOW CAN SWIM, UNLIKE MR. BLUE, WHO WEARS FLOATS.

SHADOW IS VERY MANLY WITH A FUZZ, PERIOD! HE'S A MANLY HEDGEHOG!

SHADOW HAS RIDICULED SONIC'S MODER, AND LOVES THE CLASSICS.

PUT PANTS ON ALL THE MONKEYS! AND RELEASE THEM FROM THE BALLS! YOU ARE MORE THAN MONKEYS!

Shadow doesn't like Jet too much, but he doesn't know what happened to him.

BOTH HEDGEHOGS ARE VERY BAD AT DRAWING. I WANT TO SEE THESE DOODLES! NOW!

WERE THERE ANY TRAININGS AND READINGS AT THE ARK? OH, AND THEY WERE PLAYING CHESS! SOMEONE HERE IS A STRATEGIST AND VERY WITTY?!

I ALSO WANT TO APPLY TO SQUAD DARK!

BUSINESSMAN SHADOW! THE CODE IS RED! THE CODE IS RED!

Shadow is a bookworm, and reads history, strategy, and other books.

Shadow's first transformation into a Super wasn't difficult, but he controlled himself so as not to lose his temper and cause Chaos.

SONIC CALLED ABE IN FRONT OF SHADOW! AND THEY AGREED ON A SMALL DINNER! AND ABE TALKED ABOUT HIS GRANDSON AND HIS WIFE MAKING PIES. GIVE ME MORE INTERACTION WITH ABRAHAM AND SHADOW, BEYOND ADVENTURE, PLEASE SEGA!!!!!!

SHADOW LIKES BLACK COFFEE (AND SONIC LIKES LATTE)!!!!!

Shadow is more strict about Ciao, training, training and training.

THE HEDGEHOG DOES NOT BELIEVE IN GHOSTS. HE'S… NOT…BELIEVES… IN… THEM.

A DREAM… FOR…WEAKLINGS….Shadow said and skipped the question of where he usually sleeps.

[thissying]

Q: (Ben Hunt – Autosport) Max, you mentioned the messy times earlier, the difficult bits where, you know, there's lots of interest from Mercedes and Toto kept talking about you. And I just want to get your opinion on that now. And was there any moment where you thought that you may be leaving Red Bull for Mercedes or another team or indeed quitting altogether?

MV: To be honest, I think in your life, every year there are always thoughts going through your head from, how long do I still want to do this? Where do I want to do this? How do I want to do this? There are things in your private life that happen, of course, in your racing life. There are always things that you have to deal with and think about. But that's fine. I mean, I think in general quite relaxed about these things because it's very important to split your private life and racing life. But it's fine to have these thoughts in your head about what you want to do. But at the same time, I'm also not someone that makes very drastic decisions at the same time. And I'm just very happy where I'm at at the moment. I'm very loyal to the team. I appreciate, of course, what they have done for me from picking me up out of F3 and giving me an F1 seat and then going through all these emotions over all the years with these key people in the team. So, when there are tough times, it's very easy to say goodbye or forget about it or ignore it. But I think it's actually way more important to actually face them and go through it together and deal with it and just try to just move on from there and focus back, of course, on the performance side of things and have fun out there. That's at the end of the most important. If you're not having fun, then there's no point to continue.

- post-race press conference

[tanjamikaelson]

BEST FRIEND'S BROTHER -CHAPTER 11

MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 11: | AFTERMATH |

You followed Sarah upstairs to her room, the heavy silence between you two feeling like a storm on the verge of breaking. Sarah threw herself onto her bed, her face pale and eyes still red from crying. Her body shook with the intensity of everything that had happened, and she was barely holding herself together. You could feel the tension radiating off of her in waves, thick and suffocating.

As you sat down at the edge of her bed, she turned her head to look at you, her expression pained. “This is why I didn’t want you to be with Rafe,” she said softly, her voice a mix of exhaustion and frustration. “I knew something like this would happen. I knew he’d hurt you or someone else.” Her voice cracked on the last word, her emotions bubbling over as she wiped at her eyes.

You swallowed hard, feeling torn. You had loved Rafe for so long—trusted him. How could this have happened? “I... I never thought he could do something like this,” you admitted quietly, your fingers nervously twisting together in your lap. The reality of the situation was finally sinking in. You had defended him, trusted him, and now he’d gone too far.

“I told you,” Sarah continued, her voice sharper now as she pushed herself up, leaning forward with her hands clasped tightly together. “You’ve always seen the good in him, but this is who Rafe is. He loses control. He always loses control.”

You flinched at the truth in her words, but you also couldn’t shake the thought of him standing there, broken, with tears rolling down his face, terrified of what he had done. That wasn’t all he was. Rafe had darkness in him, yes, but he also had pain, confusion, and fear that he hid under all that anger. You couldn’t just walk away, not like this.

“I have to talk to him,” you finally said, standing up abruptly. Your heart raced with the decision, but you knew you needed to speak to Rafe, to try and understand what was going on in his head. You couldn’t leave things like this.

Sarah’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What? No, Y/N, you can’t. He’s not stable right now!” Her voice rose with concern as she stood up as well, grabbing your arm. “You saw what he did. He’s not safe to be around.”

You shook your head, your determination hardening. “I need to talk to him, Sarah. He’s messed up, but I can’t just abandon him when he’s like this. I need to know why. I need to hear it from him.”

Sarah bit her lip, her eyes searching your face for any sign that you were changing your mind, but you weren’t. Finally, after a moment of tense silence, she let out a deep sigh, her shoulders sagging in defeat. “Fine. But... just be careful, okay? He’s not thinking straight.”

You nodded, your chest tightening with a mixture of anxiety and guilt. You knew Sarah was right to be worried, but you couldn’t stay away. You had to hear Rafe’s side, had to understand what had driven him to such a dark place.

“I will be careful,” you promised her, your voice soft but firm. You squeezed her hand gently before turning toward the door, feeling the weight of what was about to come next pressing down on your shoulders.

As you left Sarah’s room and made your way down the stairs, your mind raced with what you were going to say, what you were going to do when you saw Rafe. You knew this conversation wouldn’t be easy. You knew things would never be the same after this. But deep down, you hoped that somewhere, somehow, you could still reach the part of Rafe that you loved—the part that wasn’t lost to anger and fear.

•°•°•°•°•°•

You walked down the hallway, every step feeling heavier than the last as the reality of what you were about to face sank in. Your heart pounded in your chest, a mix of fear and desperation twisting inside you, making it hard to breathe. You knew this conversation with Rafe was going to be difficult—he had crossed a line, a line you never thought he was capable of crossing, and yet, here you were, unable to walk away.

The door to his room loomed in front of you, separating you from the man you cared for, the man you thought you understood. With trembling hands, you knocked softly before stepping inside.

Rafe sat on the edge of his bed, his posture stiff, shoulders hunched like he was carrying the weight of the world. He didn’t even glance up when you entered. His gaze was fixed on the floor, his expression distant, as if he were somewhere far away.

You stood there for a moment, uncertain. The silence between you felt suffocating, filled with unspoken words and unresolved tension. What do you even say to someone after witnessing them do something so horrifying?

"Rafe," you whispered, the sound of his name barely leaving your lips. It was like you were testing the waters, afraid of how he'd react.

For a long, agonizing moment, he didn’t respond. His body remained rigid, unmoving. You could almost see the storm brewing inside him—the guilt, the anger, the confusion. When he finally lifted his head, his eyes met yours, and the raw vulnerability there nearly broke your heart. His once blue eyes were bloodshot, and a mix of emotions simmered beneath the surface—anger, guilt, and exhaustion.

"You shouldn’t be here," Rafe said, his voice hollow. He wasn’t telling you to leave out of anger; it was the guilt speaking, as if he knew he didn’t deserve your presence, didn’t deserve your understanding. He looked at you like he knew he was beyond saving like he didn’t deserve your forgiveness.

But you couldn’t turn your back on him. Not yet.

"I needed to talk to you," you said softly, taking a step closer, your voice shaking. "I needed to understand."

A bitter, humorless laugh escaped him as he ran a hand through his hair, his movements sharp and agitated. "Understand?" he echoed, disbelief etched into every word. "Understand what, Y/N?"

The weight of the situation hit you all over again, pressing down on your chest. How could you even begin to grasp what had happened? What had Rafe done? You swallowed, trying to push back the fear that was clawing at you. “Why, Rafe?” Your voice cracked. “Why did you do it?”

He stopped pacing, his jaw clenched, his fists tightening at his sides. His eyes flickered with something—anger, desperation, maybe both. "I did it for Dad!" he shouted as if saying it louder would make you believe it. "I did it to protect him!" His voice was raw, trembling with a mixture of anger and fear. “She was going to arrest him, and I couldn’t just sit there and watch. I had to do something.”

You flinched at his outburst but held your ground. "But killing someone..." you whispered, shaking your head, "That's not how you protect anyone."

"I know!" Rafe shouted, cutting you off. His voice echoed in the room, bouncing off the walls like a physical blow. His chest heaved as he stared at you, his eyes wild with emotion. “I know, okay? But I was scared. I panicked. I thought if I didn’t stop her, Dad would go to jail, and we’d lose everything.”

Tears gathered in his eyes, and his hands began to shake. For the first time since you’d walked into the room, you saw the vulnerable boy behind the hardened man. The mask of anger slipped, revealing a fragile, broken side of him. You stepped closer, your heart aching at the sight of him so lost, so desperate.

“Rafe, I get that you were scared,” you said gently, your voice softer now, trying to reach that part of him that was still human, still capable of understanding. “But this... this is too far. It’s gone too far.”

He looked at you then, really looked at you, and for the first time, you saw the full weight of his guilt. His shoulders sagged as if the realization of what he’d done was finally sinking in. "I know," he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. "But I talked to Dad. We figured we could say John B did it." His voice picked up again, more confident now, as if convincing himself this was the solution. "He was staying here. He could’ve stolen the gun."

You blinked, disbelief coursing through you. “You want to blame it on him?”

"Yeah, who else?" Rafe said, frustration lacing his words. "If anyone finds out it was me, I’m screwed. You’ll back me up, right?"

Your heart twisted painfully at the desperation in his voice, but you shook your head. "If anyone asks, I wasn’t there."

Rafe’s frustration bubbled over, and he stepped closer to you, his voice sharp. "Why can’t you just say John B did it?"

"I can’t," you whispered, shaking your head. "I can’t do that to Sarah."

His eyes darkened, his anger boiling to the surface. "You know very well she won’t hold back from saying it was me," he said through clenched teeth. "And you can’t even lie for me?"

“I’ll say I wasn’t there,” you repeated, your voice firmer now. “That’s a lie too, Rafe.”

His hands clenched into fists, and you could see the tension radiating off him, his movements jerky and unsteady. "You said you were on my side. You said we were in this together. Now, what? You’re just gonna turn your back on me? Let me take the fall?”

His words hit you like a punch to the gut. You had promised to stand by him, but this... this was more than you’d ever expected, “I am!” you exclaimed, your voice rising with frustration. You took a shaky breath, trying to find the right words, but everything felt hollow. "But this... this isn't just something we can lie our way out of."

Rafe’s jaw clenched as he ran his hands through his hair, gripping it tightly for a moment before letting go. His eyes were wild, the emotions swirling within them too intense to hide. "So what then? What am I supposed to do, Y/N? Just... let everything fall apart? Let dad go to prison? You don’t get it!" His voice rose, a mixture of anger and anguish.

"I do get it," you said, stepping closer, your own frustration bubbling to the surface. "I get that you're trying to protect your dad, but Rafe—this is too far. You can't just kill someone and think it’s okay to blame someone else! You know that’s wrong."

His eyes flashed with frustration, and he slammed his fist against the wall, making you flinch. "What other choice do I have?" he shouted, his voice cracking with desperation. "I didn’t want this! I didn’t want to kill her! But if I hadn’t done it, my dad would be in jail right now or worse. Don’t you see that?"

“I do.” Your chest tightened as you watched him. "Rafe, I don’t want to be caught up in this mess.”

His eyes flickered with hurt, and for a moment, the vulnerability returned, softening his expression. But just as quickly, it was gone, replaced by anger. "Well, maybe you should’ve listened to Sarah when she told you not to be with me," he snapped, his voice dripping with bitterness.

The sting of his words hit you hard, and you took a step back, your chest tightening as the tears you’d been holding back finally spilled over. "Don’t say that," you whispered, your voice breaking. "I wouldn’t change a thing about us, Rafe. But I can’t let this consume me. I can’t let it destroy everything—my friendship with Sarah, my conscience…”

He scoffed, looking away as if your words meant nothing, but you could see the hurt behind his cold demeanor. "Yeah, whatever.”

You stood there for a moment, staring at him, your heart aching as the distance between you grew wider with every second. Then, with tears streaming down your face, you turned and walked out of the room, your footsteps heavy, each step feeling like you were leaving a part of yourself behind.

•°•°•°•°•°•

As you left Rafe’s room, your chest felt heavy, weighed down by the tension, guilt, and confusion swirling in your mind. Every step you took away from him seemed to press harder on your heart like you were leaving a part of yourself behind in that room. But you knew you couldn’t stay there. You needed to get out. To breathe.

By the time you reached the front door, your hands were trembling. The air outside was thick with humidity, but even the fresh air couldn’t help you think clearly. You needed space. Time to process everything that had just happened—the way Rafe had looked at you, the pain in his voice, the way things had spiraled so far out of control.

The walk home felt like a blur. Your mind raced with thoughts, each one more overwhelming than the last. You had never seen this side of Rafe before, and now, the memory of him with the gun, the desperation in his voice, was burned into your mind. It was like a nightmare that you couldn’t wake up from.

When you finally reached your house, you slipped inside as quietly as you could, hoping to avoid any confrontation. But as you closed the door behind you, your mother’s voice drifted in from the kitchen.

"Y/N, is that you?"

You froze, not ready for a conversation but knowing you couldn’t avoid her. "Yeah, it’s me," you called back, trying to keep your voice steady as you made your way toward the stairs.

Your mother appeared in the doorway, concern etched on her face. "Where have you been all day?"

The question hung in the air, and for a moment, you considered telling her everything. But the weight of it all was too much, and you couldn’t bear the thought of explaining what had happened—of watching her face fall as she learned the truth about Rafe and the danger you were caught up in.

Instead, you forced a small, tired smile. "Just out with friends."

Your mother studied you for a moment, clearly sensing that something was off, but she didn’t push. Maybe she knew you needed space, or maybe she just assumed it was a typical teenage drama. Either way, she sighed and nodded. "Well, don’t stay out too late next time without letting me know, okay? I was worried."

"Yeah," you mumbled, already heading toward the stairs. "Sorry, Mom."

You didn’t wait for a response. All you wanted was to get to your room, to crawl into bed, and hide from the world. You needed the silence of your own space to think—to figure out what your next move was going to be.

Once you were in your room, you closed the door behind you, leaning against it for a moment as you took a deep breath. Your mind was still racing, images of Rafe flashing through your head—his desperate eyes, the way his voice had cracked when he said he did it for his dad.

You made your way to your bed, collapsing onto the soft blankets. The room was quiet, but your thoughts were anything but. All you wanted was to find some sense of clarity, but right now, everything felt too overwhelming, too heavy.

As you lay there, staring up at the ceiling, you knew one thing for sure: nothing was ever going to be the same again.

TAGS: @wearemadeofstardust0 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @thepopcultureaddict @deeznuggetsbebussin

[teaguehq]

Of course, because what's getting kisses without giving them too?! And it's true, you do mean a lot to me, and difficult not to care about you a whole lot. The Salem trip was a lot of fun, the best part being the time with you, no doubt. Though I'm missing that and you right now, so I'm glad the weekend's almost here and I get to fly to you. I know we had a bit of time with your premiere, which I'm still so proud of you for, by the way, but it felt like no time at all! I'll always dress up with you any Halloween, I promise that! Plus you have to admit we looked pretty amazing in our costumes. Not surprised you have so many projects lined up with how talented you are, though I'm always grateful for the time we get together. It just means a lot that you're so understanding about distance and you get it since you're an actor too. And well, that now I can be excited whenever I land new roles and share that excitement with you and not worry otherwise! Your support always means the world to me, too. Thank you for always reminding me of those things too, since the last thing I'd want is to lose you. You're too important to me for that, you know? Also glad we'll always work out our schedules somehow. I'm still thrilled you don't complain about my clinginess when I know I can be quite a bit clingy! I can't help myself when it comes to you, though. And if it means being in your arms a lot, I'd never complain about that in the least. I love planning dates for you, in case that wasn't obvious, and I always love the dates you plan too, Joseph. They're so well thought out, and it means a lot to me. The hike and the hot springs was easily my favorite part of it, and I think we should do that again before filming ends here, don't you think? I absolutely still daydream about the hot springs and everything we got up to, and well, since I'm visiting this weekend, we could always recreate those in the tub, don't you think? I'll admit it was exciting thinking maybe someone would come hiking past us, though I liked that it was just the two of us. The smartest move you've ever made, being my boyfriend? Don't mind me blushing about that. I can say the same though, that being your boyfriend is easily one of the best decisions I've made too. I play so much worse when you're distracting me, but again, not a complaint in the least. How are the knitting projects coming along?! Because you're right, it's been chilly here in Canada and those could always come in handy. It never has to be very long for me to miss you, for what it's worth, since I do so much of the time. And you can cuddle with me as much as you'd like when I get there, promise. I won't tell Bach you said my cuddles were better! I'm so glad we got to spend time with Jamie and Anya too, and their haunted adventures are always so exciting! I'm so happy you think they like me too, since I do like them. We'll have to tell him we'd love to see some of the Catacombs then! I'll just make sure to kiss you and hold your hand all the way through. Double dates with our friends make me happy too, so I'm always for those! I'm still laughing thinking about us visiting that pub as well, especially when it flooded and you had to carry me! My hero for making sure I didn't get wet, though. We'll definitely have to make more memories there, without a doubt. I'll never get enough of hearing you tell me I'm sexy, that's just a fact, or get enough of you, either. That's what we'll do this weekend then, sleep in a little and kiss in bed as much as we'd like. Which just means you can silence me with kisses as much as you'd like, too.

Your place in New York is honestly so amazing, and I'm looking forward to when we can be in the city more to spend time in both our places, since I feel like I haven't even properly broken in my apartment, either. Of course I'd be happy to come to London with you when you're missing it, since I love that city too! We'll save the rooftop bar for when it gets warm, and good thing there's plenty to do in the cold months in New York. Like there are so many places that play live music, and I'd love to take you to all of those! It makes me smile that you'd always be willing to fly to where I am too, and needless to say, that's mutual. I'd love to visit more pumpkin patches, given how much fun we had with the ones we've visited! I'm all for another cooking class too, and it's a lot of fun learning new recipes together. We can't know too many of those, right? I'm really excited for taking you to Florida sometime and showing you where I grew up, not to mention meeting Bentley too! He's always so excited every time he sees me, he might be missing me a little. I usually try and do any work they need done at the sanctuary too, which I hope you wouldn't mind helping out! Last time I was there, I helped build a fence, which was really cool. Between that and camping, we'll do it all! I'm already excited for a romantic vacation once we're finished filming, and I'm almost tempted to say it should be somewhere with hot springs since we liked that so much! And you're definitely the best view for being so handsome, there's no doubt about that, and especially when you're blushing. Sussex was such a good time, maybe our vacation should involve that again too?! What do you think? You showed me plenty both in the hot springs and in Salem too, both of which I enjoyed quite a lot. I wish you could wake me up that way every morning, is what I think, since it's far better than any alarm clock. I'd love more of those showers this weekend too, since showering with you is easily one of my favorite things. I'm glad the wanting's mutual too, because there isn't a time I wouldn't want you, love. You can already see a future with me? Don't mind me blushing and hiding my face, and that honestly makes me so happy, especially when I can see a future with you too. I can understand it being scary to say out loud since there's a lot of vulnerability to that, but I understand, and trust me when I say you're not alone in that thought, not in the least. Well, you're a beautiful person, and getting to know you better just always reaffirms that. I'm picturing you pouting in your trailer because I wasn't there, and I just want to kiss you for it. And I always love being on set with you and seeing you work, especially when you're all dressed up like a superhero! I don't think the director is ever going to let me live down that I just abandoned a scene to say hello to you, either! He still asks if you're visiting today and if he should be ready to stop mid-scene. He's hilarious about it though, so at least it's become a funny inside joke! I'm just glad I repaid the favor of you flying out there once we were alone, no question about that since I wanted to. I can't wait until we can break in both of our apartments then! And we can visit the rooftop of mine even if it's chilly, we just won't stay up there for longer than briefly taking in the view, maybe having some hot chocolate. The picnic in Salem was so fun, and honestly, I think picnics with you are my new favorite thing. I'm excited for when I can cook for you more, knowing how special it is to you. Your love language being physical touch was obvious, but I enjoy every second of it, honestly. I'm really glad the weekend's practically here and I'll be on my way to you. I don't know if it's because filming's been going on a while or the material is pretty dark or a combination of both, but I'm just starting to feel a little worn down. So being in Spain with you for a few days is just what I need. | @josephafq

i'm glad that you'll always be happy for getting so many of my kisses -- and you know that i'm very happy to get all those kisses of yours in return! it really makes me smile hearing you say that i mean a lot to you and that you care so much about me, you know? i agree that the weeks leading up to us being together do feel rather long, but i'm really glad we had all the time we did together thanks to the salem trip. and thank you again for dressing up with me, love, this was the best halloween to me. yeah? i feel the same way, and honestly, i know i've got a lot of projects lined up, but whenever i'm not filming and i get more time with you, you know i'll be happy. i'm always going to be understanding when it comes to you, especially when you're worried about something, you know? and i really do understand why you have these hang-ups over a relationship ending because of distance, but i'll admit that it makes me feel a little sad that you felt hesitant to tell me you had a new gig of feel happy about it. because you know i'm always going to support you, yeah? i want to celebrate those new gigs with you, because i'm so proud of you. but i can understand it'll take some time to ease, and i'll just have to make sure you always know that i'm here, i'm not going anywhere, and there's no way that you'll lose me. we'll always make things work when we're apart, love, there's no doubt about that. it's safe to say that i love your clinginess, if that hasn't been obvious by now. plus, i'm pretty happy that you feel better that i'm clingy too, and i love having you in my arms a whole lot. the dates you plan are amazing, and it makes me happy that you like the dates i plan too. oh, i'm still smiling about that date because it was pretty amazing, especially the hike to the hot springs! i got to ask, are you still daydreaming about being in there with me and what we got up to? because i am and wish you were here right now getting up to those things with me again. i'm glad they were mostly private too -- though it did add a little bit of excitement to us playing around and possibly getting caught, right? i love being your boyfriend, baby, there's no doubt about that, and i'll say it was the smartest move i've ever made. what can i say? it's so much fun distracting you, but i love it when you're still able to play some music even with me being distracting. you'll be having some of my knitting projects soon, love, which is perfect because it'll be winter time before we know it! i know it's only been a few days, but i really am missing you right now. i'm glad that i have bach for cuddles, but i'd much rather be getting to cuddle with you. i'm glad that we got to spend more time with jamie and anya while we were in salem, it was neat going on a double date with them that also was a haunted adventure! plus, i think they really like you, and you have no idea how happy that makes me. oh, if i told jamie we wanted to visit catacombs, he'd jump at the chance to take us there, no doubt about that. look at you being my hero though, i love it, and i'll love all the kisses and handholding, of course. i'm glad you're all for more double dates, it makes me happy that we've got so many friends we can have double dates with! it's safe to say that if we go back to that pub, i'll be carrying you again i hope you know, can't have you getting wet and all! plus, it'll be fun to make more memories there together, yeah? i'm just being honest, love, you're so very sexy and i'm always going to tell you that --  just like i'm never going to get enough of you either. i miss waking up to you during the week too, and we were spoiled in salem, and i'm already missing it so much again. but i'm glad when i'm able to be with you and i can get all those kisses and get to stay in bed for a while, i love that. yeah? cue me silencing you with kisses all the time then!

i'm glad that you love my new york place already, love, since i really do love the thought of you staying there with me while we're in the city -- i love that i get to share it with you! and i'm so glad that i'll be living so close to you as well, and that we both plan on being in the city when we're not working. though when i'm missing london and we're not working, you'll come back with me, yeah? i'm a little sad it's getting colder in the city as well, because i would have loved to gone back to your favorite rooftop bar one more time! but we'll find something else fun to do next time we're in new york. it's safe to say that i love all the dates that you plan, love, and you know i'll always be happy to fly to wherever you are, no matter where i'm at. i was just thinking that, next year we'll have to visit more pumpkin patches together. what do you think? i'm all for going to another cooking class with you as well, because we really did have a good time -- and i loved that what we made turned out so well, and i know learning to make more things with you will be a lot of fun. i'm really looking forward to going to florida with you, love, i know camping will be fun, but i know i'll love the sanctuary too! plus, i think it's so sweet that bentley might be missing you, and of course i want to meet him too. i'm glad that you like the idea of us having a romantic holiday when we're finished filming, love. and i'm thinking we should brainstorm because i want us to pick a place that we'll both really enjoy. you keep making me blush by saying i'm the best view and calling me so handsome, but i'm always going to think you're the most handsome. i'm really glad that sussex is one of your favorite places to visit now and glad that we made the memories that we did. plus, i love that you'll enjoy having the same room and access to the beach, not to mention that tub. i had a feeling you really liked that tub. oh, i was very much showing you some of those things in the hot springs that weekend -- and i liked to believe i showed you some of those things while we were in salem too. i think i need to start waking you up in the way i woke you up a few times while we were in salem more often. what do you think?

happy to hear that you love taking showers with me, love, and of course i'm pleased you can't resist me whenever i press you against the shower wall, because i love that you can't resist me since i can't resist you. it's just the truth, baby, i'm always going to want you, no matter what and all the damn time. i'm very grateful we've met and we're in each other's lives this way as well, i'm happy you're my boyfriend, and honestly, that i can already see a future with you, you know? which is a little scary to admit out loud, but it's the truth. i'm glad i can have you as much as i'd like, though, love. you're making me blush calling me beautiful, and saying the more you know me the more you feel that way. we really do get each other, and it makes me so happy. i love that you know you can be open with me, just like i love that i can be open with you. can i just say i came into my trailer today and pouted because you weren't there with me? though i'm glad i at least had that friday with you before we went to salem, that was wonderful. hey, i had to think of some reason why you wouldn't hear from me! but i'm glad it was a great surprise, love, and it still makes me laugh a little that you shut down a scene just to run to me. oh, you more than repaid me with what we got up to in your trailer, and i loved every minute of it. i love the idea of breaking in my new york apartment once we have more time, and of course breaking in your apartment a little more too. i've been thinking about that rooftop of yours, honestly. i'm glad we got to have a picnic in salem while we were there, love, and the spooky element just added to it! plus, i'll always love when you pack my favorite things -- but also when you cook for me, it means so much to me. i feel like you're taking care of me, and i love that, it makes me feel so good. i had a feeling words of affirmation was one of yours, love, just like i'm pretty sure another one of mine being physical touch is obvious. i'm glad you feel so lucky to be my boyfriend, love, and i can't help but say it again that i'm missing you so much already. the weekend can't get here fast enough so i can be with you again. || @teaguehq

[race-to-spac3]

Kinda spoilers! but also not really! idc ok, now as a sucker for time looping plotlines; I need an angst fic where Reader is in a loop that resets the day, the day that ends with Steb dying.

On one hand they could be in a previously established relationship- waking with a start each morning by his side, your only solace being the steady heartbeat beneath his ribs, unbroken and unbloodied. Maybe you can find a sense of peace in the fact that he's still here with you, here with you now. Though the fact still remains that this, that your relationship will never live on, it will never continue and never grow nor will it ever flourish- at least not for him. No, for him the day will begin with a bright albeit tense morning. A morning where you can only be soothed when you feel the warmth of your beloved who lies beside you, breathing.

Meanwhile; On the other hand, there's a reader who watches Steb longingly. From a distance. They awake to a lonely room, skin prickling in response to the chill in the air. (Prickling with the uneasy sense of an impending doom) you watch him carefully today, again, like the seven- eight? Times before “today”. The raid on Piltover starts again, and the tension rises noticeably amongst everybody in the city. Though for you, it’s different. Predictable; or at least, it'll eventually settle into being your norm.

Your heart beats erratically at the thought, it’s too unprepared- too hasty of a decision. You’d tried once, explaining it, but it was in a panic. Strewn out words and half-baked conclusions that didn’t get you anywhere, there was so much you had to figure out first, but it seems that whatever curse that’s consumed your waking moment has been hellbent on preventing you learning anything useful about your predicament.  You slide your hand out, knocking your helmet off the table unceremoniously in an attempt to ground yourself, clutching the oaken hardwood with stiffened gloves that you can only hope lessen the shake that you hold yourself with. A pained groan escapes you, screwing your eyes shut as your heart tightens, the burn that flares at your closed lids, warning you of tears. You exhale sharply, almost scoffing at yourself for unraveling, shakily inhaling and holding your breath afterwards. Getting your breathing under control wasn’t difficult, but it took a certain amount of patience to allow your feelings to choke out before stuffing them back into a dark corner.  Your foot madly taps at the resounding flooring, almost losing yourself in the sound before a hollow knock steals your attention. Your head snaps a bit in the direction, pausing for a moment to slowly rise, intending to give the intruder a glare.  “Can I hel-”  Startlingly baby blue eyes. Wide. Dull. They lack their shine. Your words catch in your throat, the aching feeling that subsided now threatens to return tenfold.

This is a passage for the other hand. I don't think I have the drive to make an entire one-shot, but I'll try my best (krilling myself 💀🙏 )

[profoundlyfaded]

Another thought where it comes to my new fancination with Emmrich Volkarin - going back to yesterday's post about why he doesn't flirt back, you can also add a Mourn Watch faction specific reason to this as well. So this won't work for your Grey Wardens or Antivan Crows, etc, but if your a Mourn Watcher - what does he think of your actions during The War of the Banners?

During 'Where the Dead Must Go', Emmrich asks Rook what took them so far away from the Necropolis, and this opens the conversation where Emmrich notes that he had heard that a young Watcher, Ingellvar (you, of course) used unorthadox means to quell the rebellion. There's a slight tone of disapproval, in my opiunion, before learning that Rook is Ingellvar. Remember, when you are putting your mementos in your room, a Mourn Watcher Rook refelects that some called her actions 'casual destruction of the dead'. For a Mourn Watcher, this sounds like a pretty serious crime.

We never find out what Emmrich makes of MW Rook's actions, but I suspect that he finds it a great shame and ponders on the alternatives - what would he have done?

Regardless, he agrees to help Rook with their mission. Once the bell is rung, Emmrich asks Rook to explain why they are there on there way back to wherever it is they meet Myrna and Vorgoth. I imagine even if he believed the worse case scenario about Rook, the draw of the Lighthouse would be just too much for him.

In this context, when Rook begins flirting, Emmrich has an added layer of caution; he wants to get the measure of Rook. Did they participate in a wanton act of casual destruction of the dead, or was it warrented. Emmrich isn't going to reciprocate feelings with someone who's shown such disregard for the dead. But over time, he sees that Rook made a difficult decision with the best intentions, earning his affection in return.