#these are really old and serve as an archival purpose too.

[softpascalito]

I To Dig a Grave I Chapter 2 I

Summary: Twenty-one years after the outbreak, you come to Wyoming looking for something and end up in Jackson after a stranger saves your life.

But he doesn't stay a stranger.

Turns out Joel Miller is looking for something too. It feels like a fresh start. But when bad luck seems to follow you, Joel is the only one to turn to, forcing both of you to confront your feelings about your pasts- and each other.

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 7k+ Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Smut, Explicit Content, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, Canon-Typical Violence, Chose not to use Archive Warnings, Tags to be added

AO3 LINK // Series Masterlist // Playlist

notes: i can't tell you all how i excited i am to get this fic going! thank you for the lovely comments on the first chapter, i promise there is a lot of cool stuff to come!

this fic will deal with heavy topics. please note that it doesn't use archive warnings and tags will be added as we go in order to avoid spoilers. each chapter will have detailed warnings in the end notes on ao3.

Chapter 2 - The Patrol

‘Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.’  - Richard Silken, The Worm King’s Lullaby

There is a thin sheet of ice covering the streams that are heading downwards. It crunches under the hooves of their horses that dutifully carry them up the hill and past the gas station. Joel is glad that it's Tommy next to him. He's more tense than he's felt in ages, a gnawing feeling in his stomach that has little to do with the skipped breakfast and a lot with the worry that is etched into the frown between his brows. He wouldn't want anyone to see him like this, much less try and calm him down, something he knows is a lost battle.

“They might be fine, Joel,” his younger brother says gently, just loud enough for him to hear. Tommy thinks there will be no response until one comes, a little too late for it to not be premeditated.

“She talked about leaving, sometimes. They would be stupid enough to run off-”

“And leave Jackson?” Tommy raises a brow. “Maria said their house looked normal, all their things still in place. They wouldn't be stupid enough to leave all that behind.”

Joel doesn't want to hear it. He knows, better than anyone. Knows that you wouldn't just leave, not without saying goodbye to the children you'd come to care about so much. Would you leave him without a goodbye?

He almost hopes you would. Because if you didn't leave willingly, what was the alternative? It would've been nearly impossible for someone to take you from inside Jackson with no one noticing. But he can't shake the feeling that something is off.

It’s Tommy who has to keep reminding him to ride slow, to keep an eye on the ground for possible tracks. Joel just wants to go, to spur Old Beardy on until they're galloping up the hill, despite not knowing where it is he needs to go. He just wants to find you. Preferably in one piece, happy and healthy. 

He would’ve missed it.

The small footprints leading off the road and onto a smaller path, one that's twisting through pines and further into the woods. 

Tommy nods. “Pretty sure ‘tis the one that leads to the hunting cabin.”

It only takes a few minutes for them to be sure. The wooden cabin is hidden away behind a few trees, difficult to spot if you don't know where to look. It doesn't really serve any purpose, at least not anymore. The roof at the back caved in years ago, allowing rain and plants alike to enter the dimly lit room. It’s less than five miles from the gate of Jackson, tucked away from the main road.

He can’t help but think that this would be the perfect place to run off to. Or to hide a body.

Joel is off his horse in a second, not even bothering to tie the stallion's halter to the wooden posts in front of the cabin. Without thinking, he tugs his revolver out of his waistband, using his foot to nudge the door open.

He smells it before his eyes even have a chance to adjust to the dim light. The unmistakable stench of blood. And mixed with it, creating an odor that immediately makes him sick to his stomach, the smell of gunpowder in the air.

***

The sun has been slowly rising while you’ve been flipping through the pages, trying to find the volumes you’re looking for. The library of Jackson, though rather small, has been frequented more and more, especially in the winter months when the weather doesn’t always allow activities outside and people resort to what they’ve always known: Books.

The entire place is supposed to be relocated soon, to a small store on main street. But compared to the greenhouses needing repairs and the stables being expanded, books don't seem to be a priority for most of the townsfolk.

“Books can’t feed us or keep us safe,” Maria pointed out when you brought the slow progress up to her. You politely disagree. You feel like you could live off books for the rest of your life.

Still, packing up everything means the old place, a shed tucked away behind the church, is currently a mess. Sagging bookshelves, a leaky roof and too many books for too little space means chaos. One that only few bother to navigate in its current state. You among them.

It was the crack of dawn when you slipped out of the house, deciding to let Lane sleep in while you walked through the still empty streets to the far end of the town, hoping to get the library work out of the way before the first lesson of the day.

Maria is the one that finds you, making your head peek up from between two shelves with a frown. “You changed your mind on those books?”

She gives a small laugh, one that sounds oddly like relief. Then her face becomes stern again, the look she carries much more often. “You two have some explaining to do, do you realize that?”

Now it's your turn to frown. “We two?” She pauses at that, looking around the small room. But there is no one here but you and her and the characters bleeding from the pages.

“Is Lane not with you?”

You shake your head, turning your attention back to the book in your hands. “She has the 8AM class today.” 

“She's not there,” Maria curtly responds. You can tell she's trying to keep her voice steady but there is a hint of anxiety regardless. 

“Then she overslept again,” you half guess-half ask, closing the book again.

“She's not at home either.”

An odd feeling crawls over your body. You can't remember what was in your hands a moment ago, but the question is forgotten in an instant. Maria carefully watches as you step out from between the shelves, her tone still gentle. “I've sent Tommy and Joel out to search. We thought you two snuck out.”

You feel numb as you shake your head. “No, I- I didn't see her this morning. I thought she was still asleep.” You rack your brain for the memories of this morning, of last night, of the last week even. But nothing comes to mind, nothing out of the ordinary.

“I was out late last night, finishing up some paperwork,” you mutter, more to yourself than the woman in front of you, retracing your steps in your mind. “Lane got home before me, I had dinner, we talked about blueberries-”

“Blueberries?” Maria asks, her hand already back on the doorknob. She seems restless and it's that fleeting detail that worries you more than anything. Maria stays in control. Always. 

“Yeah, we- It doesn't matter. I don't know where she is,” you finish lamely, getting up and joining her at the door. But she hasn't moved yet.

“You should stay at home. I'm sure she'll show up again soon and if she comes back to your place, someone should be there.” You nod but your mind is already drifting again. Lane’s been doing fine, good. So have you, really. Maria gently reaches for your shoulder, steering you out of the shed and towards the church, down the street that leads to the center of Jackson. 

You're passing the small graveyard that's protected by brick walls, the stones already withered, pale in contrast to the dark metal fence running along on top. The gate is ajar, but you barely pay it any attention as the information settles in your brain. It takes a few seconds for it to reach your mouth and leave your lips.

“She went out a few times.” 

“Out?” Maria enquires, raising an eyebrow as her attention shifts back to you.

“I thought she'd met someone. Cat and her were pretty close and I figured-” You give a small shrug. It's more than uncomfortable, suddenly, and absurd, that you're discussing Lane's private life so openly, with Maria of all people.

“Don't tell her I said that,” you add quickly. 

Maria nods as you reach the end of the brick wall. “I won't. I'll get back to the city hall and see if there’s any news yet. You go home.”

Your head nods as if on its own accord. Maria has already turned her back towards you when you pipe up. “Maria?” 

She pauses, her back straightening a bit. “Yes?”

“You don't think anything happened to Lane, do you?” 

The older woman shakes her head softly. “No. I'm sure she's fine. Now get home. Maybe she's already there.”

And she hurries off, leaving you at the corner of the street with a trembling body and a heavy feeling in your stomach. For a fleeting moment, you allow your thoughts to wander past the point you've been dreading to consider. What if something has happened? If Lane did sneak out, maybe with Cat, maybe alone, and got into some sort of situation? What if she's hurt?

The sky has turned from pink to a light blue, only a few clouds piling around the mountains on the horizon. You glance down at your hands, shaking ever so slightly. You decide to blame it on the cold. The cold that may be getting to your head as well. Because after a few moments, you turn on your heels, heading for the stables. It's only a few rows of houses until the large wooden wall looms in front of you, blocking out the little sunlight you could get in the morning. The wall that protects you from what lies beyond. Infected and Raiders and maybe, you think, as you slip into the stables, maybe answers.

if you enjoyed the chapter, please consider reblogging/sharing and commenting, every single notif on this fic makes my heart swell with love <3

[cadejos]

ON NANAMI'S POWER LEVEL, DOMAIN EXPANSIONS, DOMAIN COUNTERS, AND HOW JUJUTSU SOCIETY PLAYS A ROLE.

This analysis originally turned viral on twitter. I'm posting it here for archival.

Nanami treated sorcery like a job and Gojo treated sorcery like a lifestyle. I've thought long and hard about why Nanami does not have certain skills (DE, Simple Domain, etc) that'd easily bump him up in terms of power, as he's already very strong. The reason is two-fold:

He never set out to do more than what he absolutely had to do. ("Moderate effort where moderate effort suffices," etc)

Information about sorcery is very gatekept and compartmentalized, because Jujutsu society sucks.

For point number 1, we are to keep in mind that Nanami is a grade one sorcerer, very much the peak of what sorcery is supposed to be outside of Special Grade work. The purpose of sorcery, up until very recently, has been about killing curses, most of which are not special grade or intelligent. The disaster curses are anomalies, and battles with Domain users were very rare until they showed up. They vastly skewed the power system. Remember that not even Naobito Zenin, the head of one of the great clans, had a Domain expansion either, and it took the work of a Domain user (Megumi) and an experienced sorcerer killer (Toji) to properly counter Dagon in his domain.

If domain battles are truly so rare, I don't really blame Nanami for not going out of his way to work on developing one, especially since Domains require an element of self-assurance that Nanami, due to trauma and disposition, was never geared toward developing.

His soul was strong enough to protect against a novice Mahito subconsciously, which is a promising start, but once Mahito grew too strong he was way out of Nanami's scope (not to mention Gege deliberately tired him over the course of Shibuya) and Nanami was more inclined to take his loss gracefully than to force himself to craft an spontaneous Domain Expansion. It's not like he really had the energy to try, either.

Overall, developing a DE for the off chance that he stumbled upon a Domain user just doesn't sound like his style. And he wouldn't do it for fun, either, because jujutsu is not fun for him, and it never has been. It's just work.

Let's say he would want to at least develop a domain counter, though. That's where point number 2 steps in. The whole reason something as fundamental as a domain counter is so rare in jujutsu is purely because jujutsu society is inherently selfish and self-serving.

If I recall correctly, SD is not something you can teach due to a binding vow tied to the technique. It has to be something you learn on your own through observation and intuition, or by joining New Shadow Style. Up until UiUi's soul swapping, there wasn't a reliable work around for this conundrum. And the other domain counters? Old, not very well known, and gatekept by the clans.

Sometimes I'm inclined to believe jujutsu sorcerers learn sorcery not because of the school system but in spite of it. Unless you're already a genius, born gifted, or willing to go an extra -- ambiguously illicit -- mile (like Kusakabe), there's not much the average sorcerer can do, and not many tools for them to learn to begin with. Nanami is presented as the baseline of what modern day good sorcery looks like; what you can achieve if you're competent, and don't have the privilege of relying on very good mentors, obscure knowledge, or ancient techniques. Even then he had an expansion technique, not something every sorcerer has, and he was capable of achieving one of the pinnacles of Jujutsu, which is the black flash; precisely because of his attitude toward jujutsu and his ability to focus when things get serious.

Maybe if given enough time to heal from his psychological wounds, and given opportunities for more black flashes, as well as a strong enough incentive, he could have circumvented a lot of problems and enlightened his way toward a DE or other such jujutsu-relevelations.

But that's speculation and not really the point of his character.

Had he been a villain though? Gege probably would've made him stronger, if his Culling Games score in JJK's draft Jujutsu Sousen is anything to go by, which is amusing.

Supplementary reading:

In regards to black flashes: a post where I go over why I think Yuuji and Nanami are especially good at them, and why I think they require conditions that are in opposition to Domain expansions.

Measuring Nanami's critical hit power: where I use a statement to further analyze and evaluate the capabilities of the Ratio Technique.

[dark-frosted-heart]

Roger Barel Main Route - Chapter 7

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. I’m doing this for archiving purposes and you can probably find a better translation out there.

Roger and I headed to our mission destination by train.

(We’re runaway lovers that wound up at the village after having nowhere to go)

…That’s what Victor’s having us pretend to be to hide our identities.

--

Roger: Because everyone in this village welcomed us so warmly, I was able to save my beloved girlfriend from starvation.

(What’s with the sudden change in speech and refreshing smile? Who are you?)*

Though relieved that we safely made our way into the village, I was thrown off by Roger’s sudden transformation.

Roger: Kate, we will happily settle in this village.

Kate: Y-yes. Let’s be happy here, R-Roger.

Roger kissed my cheek, making my fake smile even more awkward.

However, Roger’s convincing performance was a success and the villagers welcomed us with open arms, serving us welcoming meals one after another.

Woman of the village: You must have been nervous. You’ll stay safe in this village because our Spirit God gives protection to everything.

Man of the village: Ah, indeed! Those who believe in the Spirit God will be saved as he is the one who can ward off any disease.

Spirit God: …

The villagers beamed at a man sitting in the middle of the room who hadn’t said a word since we arrived.

(...This is the Spirit God)

(He looks around 50 years old? And looks like your average human)

However, as Fairytale Keeper who’s witnessed evil up close, I now understood.

A human’s outward appearance belied evil that dwelled in their heart.

(Even so, it seemed like stories of “disease being warded off” in this village were widely accepted)

(A mere human couldn’t possibly ward off disease. There had to be some kind of trick—)

Kate: Hm?

I felt a tug on my skirt and turned to see a little girl that looked around five years old standing there with a smile.

Blonde child: Is id nummy?

(Huh…her speech…? Maybe it’s because she’s still young?)

Kate: Yeah, it’s really delicious. Thank you.

When I thanked her, the girl smiled back happily.

This village was very peaceful and full of smiles.

It felt like a utopia where all things scary were removed.

—Unfortunately, there was no such thing in this world.

(Something’s up with this village)

--

Sometime after being welcomed by everyone, Roger and I finally found ourselves alone.

Roger: This village’s so fishy it’s laughable.

Kate: Yeah, I thought so too. This village…there’s something going on.

The Spirit God’s existence, in addition to some other sense of discomfort that I couldn’t put a name to.

Roger: Let’s hear your point of view first, lil’ lady.

Kate: If what Victor said about an undercover police being killed was true, Then the villagers wouldn’t be as welcoming to newcomers. It wouldn’t have been strange for them to turn us away. But they were all so friendly. While I don’t want to question their generosity, I think…we should keep our guard up.

(Maybe there was something hiding behind all those smiles…)

Roger: Yeah, I was thinking the same. What about you, Liam?

Kate: Huh, Liam?

(That’s right, Liam went ahead of us to gather intelligence…)

I looked around but didn’t see him anywhere.

Kate: Liam, are you hurt or anything? Hungry?  

When I called out to the room, only my voice echoed.

Liam’s voice: Hehe, I’m not hungry or hurt. Also, I’m on the other side.

Kate: Ah, sorry. Huh, how did you know where he was, Roger?

Roger: My ears picked up his heartbeat and presence. So disappearing on me’s useless.

Liam: My power and Roger’s aren’t compatible at all. Let’s move somewhere else.

With Liam concealing the sound of his footsteps, I was completely at a loss.

I followed Roger out to a place a little ways away from the villager’s homes.

The moment we stopped, Liam appeared out of nowhere like magic.

(The power to disappear’s amazing)

Liam: I’ll tell you guys everything I’ve learned about the village in the past few days. In short, this village…or rather, the Spirit God, is bad.

Kate: I thought so. How is he warding off diseases?

The most important thing was the trick that got the villagers to believe in him.

Liam: The trick’s simple. He’s not warding them off, just giving them to non-believers.

(No way…)

Liam: The Spirit God poisons anyone that doesn’t worship him or doubts him. Unaware of this trick, the villagers are deluded into thinking they’re being protected from disease. Hey Roger, have you heard of Gracefield Royal Hospital? The man they call the Spirit God used to be a doctor there.

(Gracefield Royal Hospital…?)

Roger: The hospital’s been around for a while. There’s a lot of brilliant doctors, but a high turnover rate. Useless doctors were shunned and fired.

Kate: You’re pretty knowledgable.

Roger: They left a long time ago and opened their own private practice, but my old man and his “cherished friend” used to be doctors there.

(A cherished friend…)

There was some warmth in Roger’s voice when he said that.

Roger: With this, all that’s left is getting physical evidence…

Liam: Ah, I also found a medicine cabinet. Roger can tell which one’s poison.

Roger: As expected from our cat. Nice job, Liam.

Liam: I’m glad everything went smoothly.

At that moment, Roger’s eyebrows shot up.

Liam: …Hm, what’s wrong Roger?

Roger: …

His eyes peered into the darkness.

Roger: …I can “hear” people coming from all sides.

Kate: Huh?

Roger: Yeah, there’s quite a few people. Is that how the villagers assemble?

Kate: Are we surrounded?!

Roger: Haha, looks like it. Well, we’ll just have to settle this fast.

Apparently Roger intended to take them head-on.

Liam: Yeah, it’ll be fine. Doesn’t matter how many come at us, we won’t lose.

(Liam too!)

Kate: The entire village has roughly 200 people.

Roger: We can take 100 each.

Kate: Are you insane?!

As we continued bickering, I heard footsteps approaching— 

A candle flames floated in the darkness.

Roger: Here they come.

Man of the village: …I knew you were a threat to our village.

Woman of the village: And they have a friend too. Disgusting, how did he even get in.

Liam: I’ve been here the whole time.

(It was as if the peaceful atmosphere they had greeted us with was all a lie)

The villagers’ eyes were cold and I sensed that they were willing to do anything to eliminate any foreign entities within their sandbox.

They were like mindless puppets controlled by the “Spirit God”.

Man of the village: Spirit God, what should we do with them?

Spirit God: Seize them. I will use my abilities to punish traitors.

Roger sneered at those words.

Roger: Ability, huh? If you were a Cursed One, I’d keep you alive as another on my list of precious test subjects… Too bad you’re not. Liam, go nuts. We’ll capture him.

Liam: …Roger that**

As Liam was about to pounce, daggers gleaming in hand—

A scream erupted in the crowd.

(What just happened?!)

When I realized that the girl lying beside the screaming woman was the little blonde girl who talked to me during dinner, I ran toward her.

Kate: Out of the way!

Woman of the village: What, don’t come any closer.

I was pushed back when I desperately tried to reach the girl lying in pain.

Kate: Now is not the time for this!

Woman of the village: If you hadn’t come here, none of this would’ve happened, you disease-carrying demons!

I saw her raise her hand and braced myself for a slap on the cheek.

(...)

Roger: Enough. We had nothing to do with the girl collapsing.

At the sound of his voice, I opened my eyes and saw Roger holding the woman’s wrist.

Thank you

Sorry for acting on impulse

Please help that girl +4 +4

Kate: Roger, please help that girl.

Roger: Yeah, leave her to me.

With Roger’s intimidating aura parted the crowd, allowing us to reach the girl.

Blonde child: …Ugh…

The girl’s body was stiff. Her eyes were wide open and her limbs were twitching. 

Kate: What do we do, Roger?

Roger: Based on her symptoms, it looks like tetanus. It’s a bacterial infection from a wound that affects the nerves. It makes it difficult to open your mouth, and eventually, it causes muscle spasms and paralysis.

Worst case, those infected will have a hard time breathing and die.

Kate: No way…

Roger: Anway, look for any wounds on the girl.

Roger and I examined the girl’s body and found a scratch on her calf.

Roger: …

Child’s mother: Spirit God! Please cure my child’s illness!

Spirit God: …

The man they called the Spirit God started backing away.

Child’s mother: …What’s wrong? Why aren’t you…

Roger: Relying on this guy’s not gonna do anything. He’s not some guy with special powers. He’s just a quack pretending to ward off disease by poisoning people.

Man of the village: That’s impossible! Our Spirit God’s a child of God granted with special powers!

Roger: Then why isn’t he saving this child in pain? Why didn’t you know she had tetanus until it got to this point? A false god can’t cure disease, but proper medicine can treat tetanus.

Spirit God: He’s lying! Tetanus cannot be treated!

At the Spirit God’s desperate cry, Roger looked at him with pity.

Roger: That’s ‘cause the medical knowledge in that brain of yours is outdated. There’s a treatment for tetanus. However, practical use is a miracle and there’s still some room for improvement.

(A treatment’s been discovered…)

Kate: Really, Roger?

Roger: Yeah. Though only the privileged class has access to it and it’s not available to the common citizen at all.

Spirit God: …Hahaha! If it’s not widely available, then it’s the same as saying she can’t be saved! Ah, that’s right. No one in this world can make diseases completely disappear. And yet, you all put your faith in me…It’s your fault for being foolish enough to put your trust in me.

Girl’s mother: …

With one hand, Roger grabbed the Spirit God by the neck.

Spirit God: Urk?!

As he tightened his grip, the Spirit God’s face began to turn red.

Roger: Did you never learn to let people finish talking while you were in your mama’s womb? Sure, treatment for tetanus isn’t widely available. But if you don’t have it, then you make it.

Spirit God: You can’t possibly…

Roger: As a former doctor, I can.

Next

-

*Here, Roger is speaking more politely and softens himself by using boku as his personal pronoun instead of his usual ore. Originally, Kate goes (Boku? [...]) but changes in JP pronouns don’t translate well in English.

**Ok this time didn’t resist using “roger” for 了解.

[blasphemous-lies-and-deceit]

sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss

"This is such bullshit."

"I know," Michael answered, his pleasant smile never budging. Gerry shifted restlessly at his side, glad that he had Michael's arm tucked in his. Otherwise he would have hauled ass hours ago.

It was fine that the person he loved the most in the world was tied to the Archives and the Eye, and he himself was deep in debt to an evil old bitch and thus also roped into the whole mess. He had accepted all of that. The day to day was decent, especially once he and Michael left at the end of the day to spend the night together, which he could easily call the greatest moments of his life. He could handle the field work involving dangerous books or people- he could handle himself, and had a reason to make it back safely. Even the occasional Institute drama that made its way into the Archives, he could deal with it.

But he could not stand being forced into a suit to stand around and please the Institute investors at some stupid fundraiser dinner.

There were so many people in fancy suits and dresses, crowded into the ritzy hotel ballroom Elias had rented for the evening. It was hot, and crowded, and Gerry could feel judging eyes on him, like he was holding a flashing sign saying "I Don't Belong Here". His shoes hurt his feet and his jacket was too tight in the shoulders and the food still hadn't been served. The night was dragging in the worst way, and he hated all of it.

The only relief he had was Michael, somehow looking perfectly at ease in the uncomfortable situation. And gorgeous. Simply gorgeous. Unlike Gerry, he fit so well into his dark blue suit, eyes bright and sparkling, hair pulled back so his curls spilled down his back. Gerry wanted to plaster himself to him, press him up against a wall and ravish him, take that sweet bland smile off his face and replace it with wide-eyed pleasure. And the knowledge that he couldn't, not for several hours, was unbearable.

"Ah, here he is." Gerry tensed when Elias pushed through the crowd, approaching them with a horribly delighted smile. A small stuffy-looking man followed him. "Gerard, it's my pleasure to introduce you to a former associate of your mother."

'Fuck you,' Gerry thought as hard and viciously as he could, and caught a slight wince from the Head of the Institute. It seemed that Gertrude's suspicions about her boss were correct, but he didn't have time to think about that. The other man, who's name he didn't bother to catch, was stepping forward with his hand outstretched, and he reluctantly took it, woodenly smiling at his enthusiasm.

"I'm so glad to make your acquaintance," he gushed, hand clammy as he vigorously shook Gerry's. "Your mother's passing left such a hole in the rare book collecting community. Elias tells me you've inherited her stock. Will you be continuing her work?"

"Not...really?" Gerry mumbled, feeling horribly awkward and deeply uncomfortable by the mention of his mum. He knew just from the way Elias was smiling that he'd done this on purpose, setting up this situation just to watch him squirm. Fucking bastard. "Not really interested in collecting them, exactly."

"We've actually discussed liquidating Mary's collection," Michael spoke up smoothly, tugging Gerry closer to his side and out of the grasp of Mary's enthusiastic former client. "If that's something you're interested in, we can certainly discuss the sale at another time."

God fucking bless Michael, Gerry thought in relief, slumping against his side. He was taking control of the conversation, saving Gerry's ass with his confidence, and that was so unspeakably reassuring.

"Oh." The stranger's face fell dramatically. "That's such a shame, Mary worked so hard to compile all those books."

"I'm sure they will be far better off in the hands of someone else," Michael said placatingly with a surreptitious squeeze to Gerry's arm. "Someone who is more suited to care for them than we are."

"Well, in that case..." A nearly lustful look slid onto their conversation partner's face, sending a chill down Gerry's spine. "I'd be more than happy to-"

"Um, Elias?" Rosie appeared at Elias' elbow, distracting him from their conversation he'd been watching like an engrossing tv show. "Gertrude has Peter Lukas cornered again, I think you should intervene."

"Oh, damn," Elias sighed as he turned away to focus on the problem. Gerry felt a hard yank on his arm, and let himself be pulled back by Michael, who dragged him away from the conversation before anyone could notice. Michael towed him to a corner next to the window, where the long curtains shielded them from the rest of the room.

"Come here," Michael whispered urgently, pulling Gerry close and cupping his face. Gerry eagerly shifted up onto his toes to accept his kiss, full of warmth and comfort. "Are you okay?"

"I am," Gerry assured him, sighing against his lips. "I am. Because of you. Thank you for dealing with that asshole, I never know what to say to guys like that."

Michael sighed as well, his breath gusting across Gerry's face as he touched their foreheads together. "I wasn't sure...I know we talked about it, about what to do with your mom's stuff, but-"

"You were perfect," Gerry assured him, stepping closer to wrap his arms around his middle. "I don't want it to go to him-"

"Absolutely not," Michael agreed with a smile, tucking Gerry close in their private little corner. "We're a good team, aren't we?"

"The greatest." Gerry buried his face in Michael's chest, rubbing his cheek against his smooth tie. All of his nerves had melted away, leaving him happy and warm in Michael's embrace. "I think I'll keep you right here for the rest of the night."

Michael laughed. "But we'd miss Gertrude tormenting Elias and Peter Lukas," he protested, even as he leaned down to kiss Gerry again. "She might need us as backup."

"She's fine," Gerry dismissed immediately, sinking his fingers into Michael's hair and pulling him into a deep and very-wanted kiss. He could keep Michael there for the rest of the night, just the two of them, their own private oasis all to themselves, to kiss and bask in each other's presence. That was all that he wanted, and he would take it for as long as he could.

[obsessedwithtlk]

𝟛𝟘 𝕪𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕃𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕂𝕚𝕟𝕘 🦁💛

The Lion King has been my favourite movie for as long as I can remember.

I don't recall the very first time I watched The Lion King because I was still chilling in the womb 30 years ago and I was just one month old when it came out on VHS but Disney movies were constantly playing in our house thanks to my siblings.

However, every time I hear the opening score, I'm instantly transported back to being four years old, sitting on the floor of our blue-themed living room, watching The Lion King. I vividly remember the moment when the mother and baby giraffe step into the sun.

Nostalgia is powerful!! The Circle of Life, with its expressive music, serves as a strong trigger for my childhood memories.

Honestly, I struggle to get through the intro without shedding a tear. a reminder of how formative experiences and powerful storytelling can impact our emotions throughout our lives and we're only 4 minutes in! Yet those 4 minutes feature some of the most beautiful and well-crafted animation and storytelling ever, in my opinion.

The story of Simba resonated with me deeply. I was particularly drawn to Simba’s journey of self-discovery and the lessons he learned about bravery, grief, and responsibility. I admired Mufasa's wisdom and strength, and I found Timon and Pumbaa's carefree attitude both funny and comforting.

The Lion King was probably one of my first major hyperfixations.

When I was around 8-10 years old, my nighttime routine involved watching The Lion King and Simba's Pride before bed every night, always remembering to rewind the VHS ready for the next day.

It was around this time, I first gained access to the Internet. One of the first things I searched for was The Lion King. I discovered lionking.org and its fanart sister site, realising that many others also loved this movie just as much as me.

I was too young to really communicate with anyone at the time, but I admired from afar, which made me feel less alone. When I discovered Tumblr many years later you bet I created my own Lion King fan page which is still up to this day for archiving and memory purposes.

If not for The Lion King, I wouldn't have made some lifelong international connections and friendships.

Whenever I felt down, lonely, anxious, or afraid, The Lion King was there to support me.

The Lion King taught me many lessons about life and death, the importance of facing one’s past.

This movie didn’t just entertain me; it also shaped me.

Most people see The Lion King as just a cartoon for kids, I view it as a work of art, showcasing the beauty of animation, music, and storytelling. Beyond the visuals, the story behind its creation is a testament to the power of passion, dedication, and hard work.

Initially, many at Disney underestimated the film, doubting its potential. Many top animators chose to work on Pocahontas, believing it would be superior. The Lion King was crafted by junior animators who believed in the project, and despite the, it became a beloved classic.

It remains a timeless movie that I will always cherish, not just for its beautiful animation and music, but for the profound impact it has had on my life.

The Lion King taught me that it's okay for things to change and to grow older. It showed me that ignoring your past will only hurt you in the long run and that it's better to address and learn from it rather than pretend it didn't happen.

Ultimately , The Lion King is about finding one's place in the world, something I'm still working on.

It's been an absolute pleasure to grow up alongside this beautiful movie.

[varlaisvea]

You said it was OK to send you asks about eso npcs so...

There's an archivist in Summerset, Meredil at the Illumination Academy. He essentially gets possessed by the collective spirit of all the trashy romance novels he reads, but after the spell wears off he's terribly embarrassed of how forward he was with the Vestige.

Would you consider writing something where the Vestige visits him again afterwards? :3

Ah, thank you for the request! I had to go back and re-play that quest, so thank you for that too :)

I should warn you: unless requested otherwise, I think it's fun to write the Vestige as The Vestige, ie the race-less, genderless PC, the person with no memories who asks questions like what does a high king do, exactly? And for the record I don't mind writing ~spicy things, but I usually keep anon asks on the lighter side unless requested otherwise.

So, this is cheesy enough for [i am shot to prevent sheogorath jokes]. I HIGHLY doubt this is what you had in mind, but... enjoy?

Thank you so much for the request, anon! Anyone reading this should feel free to submit more, if the spirit moves you.

(2k words, PG-rated, allusions to sex)

----------

We check up on all the students and faculty as we’re leaving the Illumination Academy. A lot of them are embarrassed after being transformed into book characters, but Bastian and I had a great time here. For me, it was because I got to mess with people a little bit, which I rarely get to do when I’m Serving The People Of Tamriel. For Bastian, it was because we took the time to stand around and read dozens of musty books. I mean, the ones I read were interesting, but he was reading things with titles like The Quarandil Theses and Perspectives on First Era Pastoralist Poetry. I love the guy, but how would I even know if one of those books suddenly possessed him and became his personality, like happened to the students today? At least I learned a lot from everything I read.

I get distracted by the fish pond near the gate, and soon someone appears next to me—Meredil, the archivist I spoke to in the school.

“I'm glad I caught you—I really must apologize again for my forward behavior earlier,” he says, laughing a bit nervously. "This is not the first mishap we've had with the Library of Shrieking Terror."

“Oh,” I say, waving my hand dismissively. “It wasn’t your fault. I don’t care at all. Your version of the curse actually seemed kind of fun.”

His laugh gets more nervous. “Well I’d never deny that, though ironically what remains of it gets less fun by the moment... Anyway, look, I realize this is quite awkward, given what I’ve just said about my… current state of affairs, but let that only serve to underscore the fervor of my curiosity.” He swallows uncomfortably, and looks away for a moment. “I must ask you: how is it that your armor is glowing like that?”

I’m not sure what I’d expected him to say, but it wasn’t that. “You know, I don’t know? I guess I assumed it was enchantments?”

He looks astonished. “You can’t possibly tell me no one has asked you before, in your line of work.”

I shrug. “I don’t really know what my line of work is. Lots of people call me ‘adventurer’—do you not see many adventurers in these parts?”

“Oh, goodness; I am only a hundred fifteen years old, but I have seen a fair number of adventurers in these parts.” His eyes go wide. “Oh, don’t listen to me,” he says playfully. “Since the Queen’s decree, we do see travelers and wayfarers of many sorts, but, well… I can’t say too many of them go into the depths of the archives.” He sighs. “Stars, I need to get out more.” He shakes his head. “Anyway, I’ve certainly seen some fancy adventuring gear but that…” He looks at my outfit in admiration. “Well-designed, well-fitting, and glowing! I’ve never seen a glow enchantment quite like that—I spent several long moments trying to calculate how one might go about amplifying an enchantment for such purposes before my curiosity got the better of me, and I hoofed it out here to see if I could find you to ask about it.”

“Ha, I really hadn’t thought about it much,” I say, now keenly aware of how brightly my gear is glowing, even in the late morning sunlight. “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a better answer.”

“Oh, don’t apologize at all,” he says. “Really, I had to know if it was something simple I hadn’t thought of, and otherwise, I couldn’t miss my chance to talk with someone with access to something like that. I don’t mean to be off-putting, but I imagine you must be a wildly interesting person.”

“Ah, well…” For some reason I’m more honest with this mer than I usually am when people say stuff like that to me. “Actually, I don’t think I’m all that interesting, as a person. When that guy’s bored of you?” I gesture to Bastian, who’s behind me staring up at the sky in abject boredom. He doesn’t even hear me. “That’s dull. At first when I got here, I was trying the same boring tactics to un-curse people as the mer who cursed everyone to begin with, whom everyone only-semi-affectionately described as boring.” I turn around. “Hey B, sorry for taking so long bud, you can take five if y—” Bastian’s gone before I can finish the sentence. “See?”

Meredil huffs. “If you’ve managed to obtain adventuring gear like that, you automatically have at least one interesting story, no? Likely many more than one."

“Oh, yeah. I have a ton of ‘em.”

“Then, I am interested to know how one could live an objectively interesting life and not be an objectively interesting person.”

“Well, I don’t remember most of my life—long story—but I could tell you a few tales about fighting dragons, or rescuing royalty?”

“Wait!” Meredil laughs. “You’re not just some adventurer, are you! You’re the Vestige of Coldharbour!” He grins wide. “Am I right?”

“Lots of adventurers fight dragons and rescue royalty. Right?” You’d think this conversation would get easier.

“Handfuls of people, but yes. But most of them have songs sung about them—you know them when you see them.” He makes a thinking face with his hand to his chin. “You stopped the Planemeld.”

I nod.

He stares at me for a few moments. “I’d assumed that when you won your soul back from Molag Bal, you’d gotten your memories back too… But, your memory begins when you became a hero?”

“Pretty much,” I say, smiling as I do when I’m reminded that strangers know details about my life from bard songs and rumors. Several moments of uncomfortable silence pass.

“So, those dragon-slaying and royalty-rescuing stories are the only ones you’ve got,” he says, meeting my eyes.

“Uh, yeah…” I sit down beside the fish pond. “And now I have a pretty good one about this place.” We share a pleasant laugh. “So… what do you think is interesting? I’ve got vampire lords, risky assassinations, multiple giant crabs… One time the ghost of a pirate turned me into a skeleton for a little while.”

He shakes his head. “I may spend my days in a place that could be mistaken for a mausoleum, cerum, but this tomb has books in it—I’ve read and catalogued all sorts of monster stories and political plots. Of course it is my honor to do so, but that has been much of my exposure to the world.” He sits down next to me. “But a perspective like yours, I don’t think I’d find in a book. Stumbling into an extraordinary life with no memory of an ordinary one. Learning about the world by saving it. Learning about people while constantly seeing them at their worst.” He smiles expectantly.

I just stare at him. “Ah, well…” No one says stuff like that to me. “I’ll be honest, I still don’t know what’s going on a lot of the time.”

“How would you? There are little children older than the length of your memory.”

Why have I never thought of that? “Most people ask about the ancient temples and Daedric demi-planes I’ve seen—or if they’re drunk, they ask how many famous people I’ve slept with.”

“Oh, I hate when I’m asked that question,” Meredil says dryly.

“People ask me about stuff they’ve heard I’ve done. I guess I’ve just always figured that means I’m not very interesting as a person? But honestly, it doesn’t bother me—I don’t have any memories to compare it to. And I can’t really blame people for asking about my adventures instead of asking about me—today was a fairly slow day for me, if that tells you anything.”

Meredil stares at me with a sad sort of look I can’t decipher.

“Um. I actually read a lot of books." Why am I lying to this mer? “Well, I skim some of them. But, uh… they’re a surprising amount of my exposure to the world, too.”

“You’re learning about statecraft and magic at the same time you’re learning, er… how to… socialize, make friends!" Meredil smiles at me, amused. "You’ve had to figure out the plots of Princes while you figure out how to navigate small talk.”

I nod slowly. “I have to ask a lot of stupid questions, but I’m learning.”

Meredil laughs. “Cerum, that is far more interesting than slaying dragons! And you wear armor fit for Auri-El himself!”

“Thank you,” I say, not knowing what else to say. “People don’t usually…” I trail off as I meet his eyes.

“Well, it’s wonderful to meet you," he says excitedly. "If not for that curse, I’d never have hit on the Vestige of Coldharbour, eh? Imagine! Ha! I can’t wait to write Mother. It is an honor to have flirted with you,” he says, bowing his head.

“Ha, I don’t know about that,” I say. “Flirting is one of those things I’ve had to learn along with slaying undead and such. I’m way better at re-killing liches. I mean, sorry, you were great at it, in my opinion—you’ve definitely read the books."

“I’m flattered that you appreciated my technique, ceruval. Those steamy books certainly increased my skill and potency, though; I could feel it. And the confidence they gave me…” He looks at me with a seductive grin. “Oh, imagine if you’d come upon me after I’d had a chance to read a bit more? I might be asking you a thousand fascinated personal questions with far fewer clothes, and from the comfort of a warm feather bed.” He looks away with faux innocence. “That offer is still good, of course.”

People say things like that to me all the time. I usually laugh and change the subject, but I find myself just staring at Meredil, trying to think of something funny to say. Why am I trying to think of something funny?

Meredil notices my lack of response, and hastily clears his throat. “Sorry,” he says, “the curse has been broken, but the downside of my particular variant is that its effects still very much remain, with no magic necessary.” He laughs nervously. “If you’ll excuse me, I must see to the situation.” He doesn’t move. “Uh, but… I can’t quite stand up just yet. You’ll need to walk away first, I’m afraid.”

I don’t move. “I realized something... interesting,” I say, after what feels like a very long pause. “I need to learn more about flirting and, uh, you know, all of that. I remember you saying you know where each and every one of those steamy books is filed. Don’t you?”

He stares at me in utter fear for just a moment, then says, quietly, “It would be my deep pleasure to guide your hand to them, of course. But I am in no state to assume I have taken your full meaning correctly, cerum. Tell me, am I being propositioned by the Vestige of Coldharbour?”

I panic a little—I wanted to read the steamy books; I wasn’t propositioning him. Was I? He was uncommonly kind to me… Was I? Guess I really don’t know anything about flirting. But… come to think of it, I do have several friends who can flirt their way into a bank vault or chieftain’s tent. What would they do? Razum-dar would instantly think of some wordplay that is simultaneously threatening, solicitous, and clever—I try to do that. First I shoot Meredil my best Jakarn eye-twinkle. “Hm, even if you are being propositioned by the Vestige of Coldharbour,” I say, with sultry Naryu nonchalance, “do you really think anyone would believe a story like that?” This marks the first time I have ever propositioned someone using that title, or any of my many titles. Feels slimy. Probably won’t try it again.

Luckily, Meredil is not put off. “Why assume I’m in it for the story?” he says. “Perhaps you’ll be the one telling the tale. Tales, preferably—especially after that curse, what I have to share could fill volumes, Vestige.”

We only get through one book, but it takes the rest of the day and evening. Meredil's feeling much better now, and he says I am welcome to return to Illumination Academy anytime I need more study. And it seems I’ve misjudged my dear friend Bastian Hallix: it turns out, Perspectives on First-Era Pastoralist Poetry is graphically sexually explicit and, in places, lyrically erotic. Interesting.

[gaysheep]

Touching is Good: A Retrospective

My trusty Nintendo 3DS, which has held out since I was gifted it for my 15th birthday, has turned one decade old with my 25th birthday this past November. Given new life with custom firmware and nds-bootstrap via TWiLightMenu, the 3DS is stellar for visiting any past handheld title or console title up to (and somewhat including) the N64. (Quick plug for the CFW/hacking community for the less popular PS Vita, too, which has accomplished some pretty crazy-cool stuff this last year.) I use my 3DS more often than I use my Nintendo Switch most weeks.

The Nintendo DS (minus the three) launched in late 2004. The second display and stylus support were novel tools for developers to experiment with, and the NDS is best remembered for its robust catalogue of RPGs and visual novels. Where it lacked in power, narrative-focused games flourished under its technical limitations.

That being said, while browsing the ROM archives on Vimm's Lair to pick up some titles, I was reminded of what an interesting era the mid-to-late 2000s were for games. While Sony and Microsoft were fighting over the "core gamer" demographic, who had outgrown Nintendo mascots, Nintendo led a series of wildly successful marketing campaigns for its hardware after the light failure of the Gamecube, where the Nintendo DS and then the Wii were targeted at...everyone else.

[Image source. Image description in alt text.]

If you look at ads for the DS and the Wii, you'll see that adults are featured much more prominently than children, especially women and seniors. (This did not go unnoticed, as I found this ancient relic of misogyny while looking for images for this post.) A Nintendo handheld was already an easy sell to parents with small children (though I think it's also notable that ads which do focus on children often prominently feature girls. Munchlax is pretty hot...), but Nintendo's angle for the DS and Wii was that their hardware wasn't just for children. The Wii was a way to get up off the couch and to play board games with grandma. The DS was a great gadget for a working woman to keep in her pocketbook.

This worked. The Wii and DS were two of the best-selling consoles of all time. In particular, the DS's marketing campaign only worked because it came out in the perfect window of time. PDA-phone hybrids had been around since the 90s, and the Blackberry had been kicking around for a few years, but the iPhone wouldn't be introduced until 2007, and the 4G LTE standard wouldn't be released until 2009. While the Blackberry was popular with businesspeople and the PDA was out of style, smartphones were luxury toys for several years; they wouldn't become near-ubiquious until the mid-2010s. I didn't get my own smartphone until probably around the same time I got my 3DS, a full handheld generation later.

Browsing the software library for the Nintendo DS and DSi with that in mind is really interesting. Many titles released for the platform serve the same purposes that would be fulfilled by simple smartphone apps less than a decade later: planners and diaries, fitness trackers, calculators, language learning and SAT prep software, even a guide to the then-most-recent version of the driver's test in the UK. These proliferated with the release of the DSi's virtual store, but they existed even with the base model. You could go to a brick-and-mortar store and buy them on physical cartridges. (You might be wondering, "Why would you bother carrying those around over just buying a Blackberry?" You can't underestimate how expensive the service bills for a smartphone were before companies realized they were the most powerful spyware tool in history.)

There was never a time where every single businesswoman in New York carried a DS Lite, but adults did buy and use them, and a not insignificant portion of the DS's software library is aimed at a casual adult audience. Another niche covered mostly by smartphone games these days—games designed to be picked up and played in short sessions on-the-go, in places like waiting rooms and subway commutes.

Nintendo made crazy bank in the seventh console generation. Publications of the time talked about a console war between Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo, but the real battle was between the PS3 and the Xbox 360 over the gamer demographic. Nintendo was producing hardware for a niche who would quietly disappear once smartphone sales began ballooning by hundreds of millions per year over the course of the early 2010s.

After the failure of the Wii U, Nintendo's marketing strategy pivoted again, though I doubt they'll ever completely abandon their family-friendly image. Currently beat out only by the PS2 and the DS, the Nintendo Switch may very well climb to a status as the best-selling console of all time before the end of its lifespan, but the "gamer" demographic is much bigger than it was two decades ago at the dawn of the DS. As more and more devices become consolidated into the Swiss army knife the smartphone has become, consoles can only carve out a role as dedicated gaming machines.

I'm not sure we'll ever see anything like the Nintendo DS or the Wii again. I think they're worth looking back on for their uniqueness in that way as much as they are for the more celebrated parts of their libraries.

[mothmanwarble]

Idk alot about eon's worm friend could you tell me about him?

Ohohohoho, absolutely! I will never turn down an opportunity to talk about Wiggleworth. Now, I’d like to apologize in advance— this might get a bit long.

Along with the Warrior Librarians and the Eternal Archives as a whole, Chief Curator Wiggleworth made his debut in Spyro Versus the Mega Monsters, the first entry in the Mask of Power series of chapter books. He’s introduced to the reader in the most normal, uneventful, not-at-all-overdramatic way possible: arriving at Eon’s Citadel completely unannounced on a massive, flying warship. Y’know. Average librarian stuff, I’m sure. Also, the warship is so massive that it effectively blocks out the beacon emitted by The Core of Light.

Understandably, everyone at the Citadel is freaking out. Even Master Eon is deeply concerned because, well, there’s a warship full of Mech-Piloting Murder Librarians hovering over his house. Not ideal!

The Warrior Librarians (who are all armed with laser swords, because why not) all descend from their ship and confront Eon who nevertheless greets them very formally. What follows is maybe one of the most adorable moments in any Skylanders book ever, in which Wiggleworth, upon recognizing Eon, reveals his itty-bitty worm self from within his mech:

“Greetings, Master Eon,” wheezed a tiny voice. “It is good to see you again.” Eon’s face broke into a dazzling smile. “I don’t believe it!” the Portal Master exclaimed, raising his hands in delight. “Chief Curator Wiggleworth, my old friend. How wonderful to see you.”

Yup! Surprise! Turns out the leader of the Mech-Piloting Murder Librarians is a very, very old and trusted friend of Eon’s! The two of ‘em go way back. Like. Many centuries back.

Wiggleworth is a bit like Eon in the sense that he too is an unfathomably old dude who leads a team of fighters and is burdened with immense responsibility. The Warrior Librarians are described as being the “archivists of forbidden knowledge” and the “curators of the arcane.” Their library and base of operations—the Eternal Archives—is home to every single book ever published “from every corner of the universe,” no matter how mundane, magical, or malicious. As such, Wiggleworth and the others take their job very seriously, hence the weaponized mech suits and ridiculously massive warships. (…But that’s also because he’s a bit prideful and self-important, too. His mech is the only one with a cape, which serves absolutely zero practical purpose. And despite each librarian having the same weapons, Wiggleworth’s weapons happen to be larger than everyone else’s. It’s so unnecessary, I love him.)

He shows up in almost every book in the Mask of Power series, but he doesn’t get much to do after his debut appearance. He basically stops being relevant by book 6, in which his one scene has him get (justifiably) scolded by Spyro in chapter 1. Why? Well, it’s revealed that one of Wiggleworth’s most trusted librarians was actually a double-agent gathering intel for Kaos (whoops!) who also (somehow??) succeeded in kidnapping Eon without anyone noticing (double whoops!!) After this catastrophic screwup, Wiggleworth is never heard from again.

…Until Skylanders: Trap Team for the 3DS! Not only does Wiggleworth act as your guide/tutorial guy/exposition machine, but the game’s main hub is the Eternal Archives itself! Since the events of the Mask of Power series were set before the events of SSA, Wiggleworth’s presence in STT 3DS confirms that he survived up to that point in the timeline while also suggesting that the Skylanders are all on good terms with him again (…maybe). Unfortunately though, Wiggleworth doesn’t really…do much outside of explaining game mechanics. He doesn’t even get to fight at all (he gets put under a sleeping spell while in the middle of a fight with a slightly-larger-than-normal exploding Chompy…off-screen). Furthermore, Wiggleworth and Eon don’t even acknowledge each other at any point in the game either! Needless to say, I feel robbed of an old man reunion.

While it saddens me that Wiggleworth ended up underutilized in both his book and game appearances, I’m glad he was added to the series at all (thank you, Mr. Beakman!) I find the concept of the Warrior Librarians both hilarious and compelling, and I absolutely adore the fact that Wiggleworth was introduced as one of Eon’s dearest friends. And hey! Although Wiggleworth didn’t make it into the game himself, his legacy lives on in SuperChargers, in which we meet the original founder of the Eternal Archives: Pomfrey! I think it’s so awesome that an idea originating from the books literally wormed its way into the games.

Chief Curator Wiggleworth, you’ll always be famous to me o7

[notsocheezy]

Welcome to The Author's Archive

I'm Cassandra Erica, local girlish-shaped thing carrying she/they pronouns under each arm (despite how much more difficult it makes grocery shopping). I'm traumatized and so are mostly all of my characters, and they deserved it just as much as I did (none) but that's the cards they're dealt. By me. I swear, I tried to stop writing about childhood trauma, it just didn't work. Though nowadays I also put my characters through terrible heartbreak. It's growth!

"So," you're wondering, "what have you written so far? What are you working on? Are you going to keep up this weird reflexive second-person perspective?" To answer back-to-front: no, many things, and not quite as many things. Here are some lists!

~~~

RELEASED ON NOTSOCHEEZY.COM!

The Real Me (2022, Short Story)

There's something a bit off about businessman Mr. Shirley Jones. What's he hiding?

Three Takes on Death (2022, Short Story)

What might happen when we die?

Pink Bow (2022, Novella)

Who knew trying on one dress at the mall could change a person's entire life? Chris - or, uh, Kris - certainly didn't. Was it just a dress inside that box with the pink bow, or was it something more?

Passable. Episode One - The Virgin (2024, Writer's Block Short)

The pilot episode (of sorts) for a trans sitcom. Lily gets herself a date with a little something extra. Sarah racks her brain to keep her boyfriend sexually satisfied without breaking chastity. Alice and Brayden run a 'scientific' study with a virgin busboy.

Plus some other things, don't worry about it.

~~~

BRAIN CURDS

Brain Curds are lightly edited daily writing - usually flash fiction and sometimes terrible on purpose. Click here to see some of the greatest hits! Here are some of the ongoing series:

The Frank Program

Frank hosts a podcast with high profile guests, and he's not afraid to tell you "what they don't want you to know," but he has plenty of his own secrets.

Passable.

Four trans college students share an apartment in Irvine and screw up each others' lives through sheer lack of scruples.

Government Man

Government Man is from the government.

Cole Nicole

Genderfluid femboy model, Cole Nicole, navigates life just outside the spotlight.

Veronica

Via gruesome means, Veronica gets her revenge - a dish best served at 98.6 degrees.

The Prom Consort

Kelly finds herself roped in to an arrangement (don't call it a love triangle) that might just be profitable. That is, if old wounds don't prove too painful.

Dominic of the Darkness

The antichrist is about to celebrate his sweet 666th birthday by breaking hell - that is, going to live on Earth for a week.

~~~

WIP!

Anthill Theory (Short Film) Finished - Waiting for Soundtrack

An exploration of free will through a time loop that the protagonist doesn't know he's in.

A Covenant of Rust (Novella) Expansion and Rewrite Phase

A newlywed couple moves into a 1950s prefab home in early 2020, but finds more hidden beneath the surface than the floor plan could reveal. Will forgotten secrets and isolation bring them together, or tear them apart?

Blue Rabbit (Short Story) Pre-Final

Sequel/companion to A Covenant of Rust. I keep telling myself I'm going to finally finish this one, but it'll have to wait for its sibling project.

One Late Night Easter Morning (Short Story) First Draft

A chance encounter at a bar leads to late-night musings about humanity.

The Order of the Degenerati (Novel) Outlining

A secret society was formed after the tragedy of the holocaust to make sure it never happened again. Unfortunately, nowadays the most they can do is make YouTube videos go viral.

It Goes Up (Never Never NEVER NEVER NEVER) Complete

You will never read it.

Memories Retained (Novella?) Outlining

Ever had a dream where you were back in high school, before it all went to shit, and you decided to do something differently? Ever woke up and found out it really happened?

Seeing Other People (Novel?) Brain Curding

A story of love, polyamory, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and heartbreak. Gee, I wonder why I feel compelled to write this one?

And MORE! THERE IS ALWAYS MORE!

~~~

MY BOOK!(?)

Publishers don't seem super interested in collections of short stories, and I'm afraid a collection of short stories and novellas may make a literary agent's head explode, so expect to see Tales from Starved Childhoods as a self-published debut! It includes a fully rewritten new version of Everyone Has Their Price (2017); newly revised versions of Next Day Delivery (2017), The Real Me (2022), Three Takes on Death (2022) and Pink Bow (2022); and all-new stories still in progress.

Tales from Starved Childhoods is set to be the physical manifestation of my early career as a writer, so stay tuned and look for it someplace books are sold!

~~~

If you'd like to be one of my readers or vice versa, don't hesitate to reach out! I'm shy but I won't bite without consent.

I'm always happy to have more eyes on what I'm making and I'm always happy to read something new. It helps with the burnout. I'm open to most any genre - I don't really think much about labels when coming up with ideas.

If you work for a publisher and you see something you like, send an email to publishing@notsocheezy.com with the subject line, "Business Factory."

[androgynousblackbox]

How To Lose A Lucifer in 10 Days. 8 [Appleradio, radioapple]

Step 8: Become acquainted with him

Charlie looked the hour on her phone again, frowning over her mismatched eyes. Emily didn't seem less concerned at her side. Neither of them had touched much of the waffles that Lucifer had prepared for everyone in the table. He couldn't say he didn't understand it either. Ever since coming to that place, Alastor had always been first at the kitchen, preparing something for himself or his daughters.

"Oh, come on, don't worry so much" said, bringing the syrup. He rubbed the shoulder of Charlie, smiling with what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. "I am sure he is just tired after all that killing from yesterday. All those sinners and then dinner can really have a guy bloated, you know?"

"Is that the case with the Alastor of your world?" asked Charlie, not really convinced. "I don't remember the last time dad went off like that for so long."

"Oh, but that is Alastor we are talking about" tried Lucifer, sitting in front of the girls. "To him all that violence must be like the most relaxing spa day anyone can have. He must just be snorting away on his bed as we speak."

Honestly, he couldn't blame the guy if he was just oversleeping or just really needed some extra time before facing the rest of the day. Both of those would be the least that he could expect from anyone on the situation he was in, that he had no issue admitting was even worse than his. At least he got to be with Lilith during the whole pregnancy with Charlie. He didn't had to live with the potential and very real stress of thinking about having a kid without his partner, and couldn't imagine it either.

"Maybe I should go check on him" suggested Emily, standing up.

"Honey, we should just let him rest" said Lucifer, when suddenly he saw the proverbial red sinner calmly coming in, accompanied by a soft melody that seemed to originate from the air itself around him.

"Good morning, everyone!" Alastor, looking noticeable refreshed up and more relaxed than in the last few days, saw at the table where everyone had their plates full already. "Ah, I overslept it seems!" commented, just when Emily crushed against him and gave him a strong hug.

Lucifer cringed to himself before remembering that no, no, Alastor was way too early for things like that having the potential to do anything for the baby. There was barely a fetus at all that first stage. The fact that he even thought about it almost bothered him as much as the easy soft smile Alastor had for Emily as he patted his head.

"My dear, what is that for?" said, rising an eyebrow. "I just wanted to indulge in my beauty sleep a little longer, that is all. All that excitement of yesterday had me exhausted."

"That is what Lucifer said" Emily sighed, missing the look that Alastor threw to Lucifer as he pretended to be very interested on cutting his own waffles. "We were worried for a second there. You did seem a bit tense yesterday."

"Oh, that must have been the calling of the bed coming early than usual for me. A tired demon is a cranky one, after all" declared Alastor easily, making a flick of his wrist as he went to make his coffee. "Today is a different story. I feel optimistic if nothing else. I had the most marvelous idea last night. Since that stone Vaggie got for Charlie was so effective for what it did" said, throwing a glance to Angel, who threw a flying kiss in his direction as he took selfies with his new phone. Every day the pornstar came around with something new and expensive that the old man that hired him paid for, all for the low low effort of Angel either completely ignoring him while on the same space or insulting him ruthlessly. A dream opportunity he was more than happy to share about if given the chance, "I was thinking, maybe it could serve to our purposes as well? At the very least, it couldn't hurt to try, right? I believe our friend Stolas must know a thing or two about that we could use."

"Oh" said Charlie, both relieved and surprised to see him like that. Lucifer was just confused. She looked over to Vaggie to confirm if she didn't had any more information they could use and when her girlfriend shook her head, she nodded at Alastor. "Sure, I guess I can send him a text and see what he has to say."

"Please do, little fawn" Alastor smiled wider at her until the sides of his eyes crinkled and Charlie couldn't help but to smile back at him, before turning to her phone.

"Ah, my tea. I forgot to make my tea" commented Lucifer, scrambling to get another neutral mug that wasn't the duckie one and putting more water to boil next to where Alastor was. The music around him was still sounding soft and the demon was humming with the melody, unbothered even when Lucifer cleared his throat. From there, they were at a good enough distance for anyone at the table to hear them. "Hey. So. I don't know how to say this in any other way, so I am just going to come out and say it. Are you okay?"

"I am perfectly well, your Majesty" said Alastor with a pleasant tone behind. "Why I wouldn't be?"

Lucifer stared at him like he couldn't believe the audacity. He had no idea if the guy was really a better actor he gave him credit for or what, but if it was the first case then he was more disturbed than impressed. More so because Alastor genuinely seemed more calm now than how he was yesterday, especially after coming back from the Sloth ring.

"Are you actually kidding me?" asked Lucifer.

"Fair enough" Alastor shrugged and turned to him, hands on his back. "I have come to the conclusion that the way we are going about this has not been the most productive it could have been."

"Oh, really?" Lucifer was too surprised by this turn to come out with anything more witty than that.

Alastor nodded.

"Indeed. Seeing as our goals align, I propose a… how do I say it? Cease of fire. I am not saying anything about friends, but how about neutral acquantences who just so happen to live under the same roof and tolerate each other's presence?"

Lucifer looked at him up and down, but wasn't seeing the common tales of some kind of trick coming.

"Is this because of what I did last night?" asked in a lower voice. "Because if so, I was going to help you regardless. Just so we are both clear on that. I don't need you to like me to not want to harm an innocent. I may be the devil, but I like to think I am not a dick like that either."

Alastor cleared his throat, returning to his coffee.

"It's part of it" admitted after a while. "But more than anything, it's a waste of both our times, wouldn't you say?" Finished with the pot, Alastor served himself on his mug and heated it up with his magic. Lucifer saw the liquid bubbling on the surface. "Whatever issue you have with your own Alastor has nothing to do with me. Just like you being here instead of my husband wasn't your choice. I therefore offer a white flag so we can finally concentrate on what matters the most. What do you say, your Highness?"

"Are you high?" asked Lucifer, looking closely at his pupils. Maybe one of the pills of Bel were doing a too good job. "I won't mind if you are, just want to know"

Alastor closed his eyes for a moment, as if conjuring patience.

"No, your Majesty" said finally, keeping the same casual smile he had since coming. "I just had a good night of sleep and an idea. Sometimes that is all you need to face the day with a new perpective."

"Right" Lucifer stared at him, but couldn't find where was the trick, if there was any. After a beat he sighed, scratching his neck. "I mean… sure. I might had a bit of a part in starting with the wrong foot."

"You think?" Alastor casually took a sip of boiling coffee as Lucifer frowned.

"Oh, come on, don't act as if you were completely innocent either!" He blinked. "And how is that a cease of fire?"

"A little bit of banter never harmed anyone" commented Alastor with half a smirk. "I do really meant it, sir. We can both be adults about this until everyone is back where they belong, don't we?"

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. Eventually he just had to let his shoulder fall.

"Sure" sighed, brushing his hair back. "Just acquantances, right?"

Alastor nodded. He let pass a tasteful second as he drank his coffe before talking again, without lifting his eyes from the brown liquid.

"By the way, I might need a recharge of magic sooner than later."

"What, so soon?" Lucifer threw a look to the table, where everyone was trapped on their own conversations, and lowered his voice again. "Why? I thought Bel said that one for week was enough?"

Alastor casually shrugged his shoulders.

"Some rascals came last night trying to attack the hotel and I had to stop them as part of my job."

"They did?" Lucifer frowned, recounting last night. He had stayed scrolling on his phone until he fell asleep with the device still on his hand. "I didn't hear anything."

Alastor smiled indulgently. As if of course he wasn't going to hear anything because of a defiency on his part, but he forgave him for it anyway. The prick.

"I pride myself on my eficiency as the protector of my daughter's hotel, your Majesty. It wouldn't be very responsible of me if I let everyone at the hotel wake up for a minor inconvenience such as that" He took another sip, casually tiping his claws on his red mug. "After dinner works for you?"

Lucifer tilted his head, wondering why he had a nagging sensation there was something else there. Then he looked down to the stomach of the tall demon and felt embarassed for himself. This favor wasn't for Alastor, not even for his Lucifer, but someone else that deserved to at least grow up.

"Fine" said, swallowing. "But you know, you should probably take it easy. I don't mind helping, with that or taking out threats if needed."

"Duly noted. Glad we could reach an agreement" said Alastor with a simple nod, before going to the table and kiss the head of Charlie before taking his seat. The rest of the residents had already gone out to start their respective days. "Any news, little fawn?"

Charlie finished eating the piece of waffle on her mouth and read off her phone.

"Well, Stolas says that the stones are actually called origin stones. Apparently they are made with the soil where papa first fell, which is the reason why they are so rare and powerful."

"Really?" asked Lucifer, as he reunited with them with a new cup of tea. "I never knew that was a thing."

"Stolas says that they were created by the first alchemists who reached hell, once they realized they still couldn't make a philosopher stone."

"Ah, that explains it" said Lucifer. "Alchemists are the worst kind of sinners to talk to. They always try to make you drink their latest experiment."

"Apparently, the less common alchemy became on Earth, so did the stones in hell. The person who gave it to Carmilla in the first place might not know what it was" commented Charlie to her girlfriend.

"I was starting to think that as well" said Vaggie. "They treated it more like it was a expensive novelty and not a reality bending thing. I don't think they would have gave it away so easily if they knew."

"The majority of people wouldn't know in the first place" said Alastor casually. "With something that powerful, other people would have abused it already until there was nothing of that resource left. That could be an advantage for us because means less competition for finding them. It also means less immediate information about them. Your Majesty" said, turning his attention to Lucifer finally, "I know there is an Ars Goetia for practically everything there could be. Isn't there one that could have a talent for finding those stones?

"Mmm" Lucifer racked his mind. He was 80% sure there was at least five of them, but couldn't remember their names off the top of his head. "I am going to have to ask Asmodeus" finally admitted with a sigh. "He is closer to the Goetias than me."

"Could you do that now?" asked Alastor just when Lucifer was drinking his tea. "I would like to talk with my daughters in private for a moment."

"Uh" Lucifer threw a glance to Charlie, sending him a little smile, and he couldn't say no to that. Not that he was planning to vehemently refuse the suggestion anyway. He could understand the concept of a family matter. Maybe Alastor had changed his mind about not telling about the baby and if so, the last thing he wanted was to intrude on that. "Of course."

He took out his phone and walked to the garden, whose doors was at the back of the kitchen. Once he heard the crystal door closing behind the king greeting the embodiment of Lust, Alastor sighed.

"Uh, should I go out too?" Vaggie was half standing up and half sitting, waiting for confirmation.

"You can stay" said Alastor after a moment of silence. "You were going to deduce it anyway later. I would hope so at least" Before Charlie could reprimend him, he continued: "I managed to contact Lucifer last night. My Lucifer."

Charlie audibly gasped, gripping to his arm.

"How?! Is he okay?! How is he doing?! Does he misses us? Are they looking for the stones too? Are they close to find them? How long is he going to take?" Charlie was shaking him with each question, not letting herself breath between them, until Alastor put a hand on top of her. She stared at it and then at him, her question for her papa still spilling out of her eyes.

"He is okay" assured, patting her hand. "He misses all of us. It was actually his idea to look more those stones. Today they should be looking into it on their side. As for how" added, seeing Charlie about to insist, "it was through our contract. There is a clause about how we are connected no matter the realm we are at, so that allowed him to contact me. Unfortunately that also means I can't contact him myself. He has to initiate."

Charlie let out the biggest sigh. Emily wasn't far behind, letting her head hang between her arms. Vaggie frowned for a moment looking at him until suddenly her eye opened up wide. No doubt realizing now with who their Lucifer had the soul contract that this other one had failed to call upon that first night. That plus him talking about a contract instead of just a deal should tip her off.

Alastor would have rather not make her know at all, just like he didn't want to advertise his connection to Lucifer for the rest of hell, but it was already too late for that. That night he should have asked Charlie to take her out of the kitchen. Instead he let his own concern for what still could be a brainwashed husband overrule his precaution.

"Thank goodness" said Emily. "That is amazing news then! We can keep tabs on each other to make sure we are all on the right path."

Alastor nodded.

"Their time luckily moves the same as ours. We agreed he would call me an hour before midnight. You can come to greet him tonight if you want."

Charlie and Emily of course wanted to. Vaggie seemed to assume she wasn't coming, but Charlie insisted she should be able to participate as well and then both of them looked at Alastor, who just shrugged slightly as his response. If Charlie really wanted to include her on things about the family, then he didn't really believe he had a way to disuade her. At least he had already made his husband agree to not mention anything about the baby to them.

The thing right at that moment was to gather news to tell him in the first place. When the Lucifer they were stuck with came back, Alastor had already asked them again to keep the contract and communication between themselves.

"Welp!" announced his presence the king, clapping his hands together. "I did got a contact through Asmodeus that maybe could help us. Does the name Vassago ring any bell for any of you?"

Alastor shook his head. There were more than fifty of those demon royal birds, how was he supposed to remember each one of them? Charlie tapped her chin as she looked at the ceiling.

"I think I may have met him during my royal presentation. He seemed nice, I think?" offered up, shrugging. "I remember him saying that dad was an impressive sinner before meeting papa."

"Ah, so he has working eyes, at least. That is good to know" said Alastor, pleased at the comment as Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"Sure, whatever. I send him a text asking when we can meet and right now he is free, so we can go."

"Oh, oh!" said Emily, perking up as she stand from her chair. "Could you leave me at Stolas's palace on the way there, please? I want to check on his library if I can find something useful too. Maybe contact with one of the alchemist that still live here in hell! We have been texting and he already said he doesn't mind! Six eyes has to be better than just four!"

"That is a good idea, sweetie" said Lucifer, smiling sincerely at her. He knew that he had no connection to her, not the same he had with Charlie already, but the fact that she was a fallen and Charlie considered her a daughter instantly made her more endearing to him. It wasn't difficult to see at all why the other Lucifer had adopted her. "If you find anything useful let us know."

"For sure. Ooh, I need my notebook!" said Emily, dissapearing through her own portal before they could say anything or suggest that she could just conjured it up.

"She prefers the written word" commented Charlie to Lucifer, as if he needed the explanation. "Um, why do we need Vassago specifically, papa?"

"Asmodeus said he was the Goetia you go to find lost things. Technically we didn't lost the stone, but if you bring the one you have he may be able to find where it came from. There is also this guy… Foras?" read Lucifer on his phone, making sure he was getting it right. All those names sounded vaguely familiar, but only vaguely without a beak associated with them. "And then Kimaris. All three can find lost things, but Asmodeus says he gets along with Vassago better so, that is our first option, I guess."

"I am bringing the stone then!" said Charlie, quickly going out to get it from her room as Vaggie sighed, picking up the table.

"And I will stay here taking care of the hotel" commented. "I hope you find it, sir" said to Alastor, who could only nod slightly as he moved to wait near the hallway.

It didn't take long for Charlie and Emily to reunite with them. Lucifer opened up the portal to Stolas's palace and let traspass. He only closed it after Emily was accepted inside, sending them a wave of her hand before dissapearing.

"Asmodeus send the location to Vassago's place" said Lucifer, opening up the point on the map on his phone.

He pressed a finger on top of it and swip beyond the screen, making a new portal in front of them. The palace on the other side was surrounded by tropical looking plants and palm trees. On the entrance, a little imp came to receive them.

"Good morning, your Majesties" greeted with a reverence. "Prince Vassago is waiting for you all. Please, follow me to his office."

They did as told, looking around the place that more was looking like a spa or resort than as an actual house. When they came to the second floor, other Goetias were coming down the stairs and they bowed quickly upon realizing Lucifer was with them. Lucifer realized rather soon that they wanted to chat with them, but one look to Alastor just behind him had them instead murmuring quick greetings as they continue their way.

"Do I want to know?" asked Lucifer, without turning. The sound of bones cracking and breaking as Alastor quickly returned to his normal form told him everything he needed to know regardless. "You know, I am still the king and those pleasanties are to be expected."

"Well, as the consort of my king and father to the princesses, I have decided that I do not care for their pleasanties" said the voice of Alastor, his voice cracking through static less and less. Lucifer wondered how the hell did the other Lucifer deal with involving someone like that on the royal family. "They are a bunch of desperate yes man that would only make us waste more time."

Lucifer was about to reply when he felt the hand of Charlie on his shoulder. He looked up to her and saw her smile gently.

"We are a little tense" said, rubbing his back. "How about we just concentrate on what we came to do? Most royals are used to dad's… character by now, so they won't think too much about it. If anything, it will probably be a way to make it seem like nothing has changed."

"My condolencies for your father" Lucifer expressed, shaking his head.

Alastor huffed behind them.

"Oh, no, it's not like that at all" added Charlie. "Some royals never fully accepted that papa married a sinner anyway. They would sometimes say stuff or try to convince papa to divorce dad. Sometimes to my face" Charlie cringed at the memory and Lucifer's eyes flared up at anyone making his baby girl feel uncomfortable. On top of that, who even thinks to say something like that in front of the child of the couple they wanted to break up? He didn't have to be a fan of the sinner in question to realize how messed up that was. "Ah, but that is just a small minority!" said quickly, reading his face. "Most of them just learned to accept it by now."

"It must have been quite a shock when your father first announce it, though" Lucifer realized, for the first time, he never thought about the logistics of what their union would have implied in this reality.

"Certainly it did. Not that any of us cared for that" said Alastor, preeming himself. "My king stood by his decision and had the power to destroy any insurrection like a insect under his boot. Of everything we went through, I would say that was one of the easiest parts."

"Is that so?" asked Lucifer, incapable of not being a little skeptical. Ever since coming to this other reality, he assumed that something very wrong must have happened to allow such an union or the Lucifer of this dimension was an entirely different person than himself, which was making the less sense the more got to see all other similarities between their realities. All his contacts still had the same phone number, for fuck's sake. So where was the difference? Why did this Lucifer ever wanted to be with this Alastor when he had the entirety of hell to chose from? "I guess I still don't know how you two even got together in the first place."

"Oh, it's the most romantic story ever!" squealed Charlie. "Dad used to tell me that one all the time when I was little" She gasped suddenly, holding her cheek. "I can totally tell you that one now! You never heard of any of them and it will be brand new to you! It's going to be so awesome! Unless you want to do it, dad? He is so good at it."

"And deny my little fawn the pleasure? I wouldn't dare" Alastor winked an eye at her and Charlie giggled.

The little imp that walked in front of them opened up a door at the end of the hallway.

"Your Majesty, his royal consort and the princess of hell, my lord" announced.

Oh, right, that still happened. This time both Lucifer and Alastor groaned, but let the little imp go without much else, lowering his head on the way out.

The so called office was a big studio drapped in red, green and yellows. A tall demon bird rised up from his chair behind a hude desk and approached them, bowing his head.

"It's my deepest honor to recieve you in my home, your Majesties" said the man, straigthen up and smiling up to the radio demon. "Alastor, sir, I heard you had gotten yourself a promotion as the new King Overlord! Congratulations are in order,I suppose! Must be quite the accomplishment after returning to us from death itself. I am correct for assuming you won't want to share the secrets of how that happened?"

"King overwhat?" whispered Lucifer to Charlie and she made a shushing sound, making a hand gesture as if insisting they could talk about it later.

It was the first time he heard about whatever position apparently this Alastor had reached already.

"Not a single word" said Alastor, obviously pleased at being recognized. "Why ruin for everyone the chance to especulate about it? Even life after death needs a bit of mystery to keep being interesting."

"That is very true. With your permission, my lord, I will in fact especulate about it" said, before seeing Lucifer, nodding his head with a smile. "Your Majesty, it's an honor that you would require my services. Although I still don't know what exactly you require of me, I would do my best to help you on whatever predicament you are facing."

Lucifer smiled a little more easily now. Despite being the first time he visited this member of the Goetia, something about his disposition told him that he in fact wanted sincerely to help, not just take advantage of whatever crumb of attention he could get from the king. After more than a millenia on his role, Lucifer had developed a more than keen nose to detect those with good qualities and those who faked them.

"Thank you, Vassago. I believe that one of your especialties is finding lost things, is it not?" asked, making a gesture for Charlie to take out her present from her box.

"Indeed it is" said the prince. "As long there is a clear directive of what we are looking, I can pinpoint it's location in any place of the seven rings."

"That is great!" said Charlie. "Uhm, hi, Vassago, sir."

"Good morning, princess."

"You too! Well, I, I mean, all of us would really super appreciate if you could find us where this stone come from" Charlie took out the stone by the chain attached to it, the white seemingly almost to glow by it's own.

"Oh!" Vassago opened up his eyes, reclining his body to examine it closer. "An origin stone, isn't it? I haven't seen one in so long ago! Although this one has been used already. You just want to know where it came from?"

"If possible, we want to locate others like it" said Alastor, looking at him with a slight tilt of his head that said he wasn't about to share the reason why.

Either understanding that or choosing to not question about it in the first place, Vassago extended his hand to Charlie.

"May I, princess? Thank you" Holding the stone in front of him, Vassago walked over to a huge cauldron on a corner of his office, barely covered by some curtains. "I can give you the last owner of this stone, the location of the bigger portion where it came from or the place where it was made. Which one would you need?"

"The bigger portion" said Lucifer, looking to Alastor for confirmation he agreed.

It didn't seem right for him to take all the shots, not when it was him who needed it the most. The radio demon seemed surprised at this, but nodded his head to give his approval anyway.

"Very well, that can be done" Under the cauldron a blue fire emerged as soon the prince pulled the fabric back, holding them with ropes at the side. Vassago made some gestures in the air. Potions of different colors and ingredients came floating from his shelf down the cauldron. A curiously citrusy smell started to linger in the air as Vassago mixed it all in without touching anything. "I promise I will return this to you exactly as you gave it to me, princess" said to Charlie, letting the stone fall to it with the rest of the chain.

As soon he did that, the dark blue color of the liquid turned into purple. Apparently it needed a couple of seconds to turn the right shade of purple, at least. When it was almost starting to lilac, Vassago took a cup from a top the cauldron and scop just enough to fill half of it. He moved to his desk, where a lamp representing each of the rings of hell in colorful rings. Dumping the content on top of it, Lucifer waited for there to be a short circut or something.

Instead, the liquid got instantly absorved by the lamp. All the rings started to glow even brighter, expanding to show different white spots across them. Two of them were on the Greed ring, another one in Wrath and two in Pride. Some of them were moving ever so slightly, while other were stuck where they were.

"Hah, eureka!" said Vassago, perking up. He made appear a piece of paper and a pen to write it all down. "Since this stone has a common origin, these are all the locations where parts of it have spread. I will write for you each of them. Oh, but I should tell you" said suddenly, pointing to the Greed ring with his pen" one of these is underwater. Do be careful if you re going to go looking for them. All other ones are on land, but I can't tell you about what surrounds them or how easily or difficult it could be to reach them."

Alastor visibly relaxed as Vassago keep writing. Charlie noticed and squeezed his arm, smiling at him. By the way Alastor returned the gesture, Lucifer was reminded that this Charlie did in fact saw the radio demon as her father all her life. It wasn't that he forgot, but it was always a bit of a shock when he saw the obvious evidence of it in front of his eyes. Thinking about any version of him raising his Charlie with him, about the sinner he knew still being able to raise the loving and wonderful young woman he knew, sounded like the start of some joke whose punchline never came.

"It's fine, we will manage" said Lucifer, pushing those ideas away. A different Alastor, a different Lucifer, neither of which had anything to do with him. With the Alastor that was back at his home, that just never would have happened, for sure.

"I don't doubt it, your Majesty" Vassago finishing putting down all the information he considered relevant and gave the paper to Lucifer. "I have one more thing to tell you" said, coming back to the cauldron to pull out the present of Charlie, completely dry and exactly as it was before falling into the concoction. "You can use this to tell you if you are coming close or not to your objective" added, extending a hand to take Charlie's and put the stone on her palm. The lamp on his desk slowly went back to normal, the rings of light seeming to deflate to their default size. "The stone now will want to get back to where it come from. The pull is going to be difficult to miss. Once the two make contact the effect of the potion will wear off, so you can come back if it's necessary."

"Thank you a lot" Charlie sighed, putting the chain around her neck to make she wouldn't miss it. "This really means a lot for us."

"My pleasure to be of service, princess" Vassago smiled to her back and turned to Lucifer. "Anything else I could do for you, your Highness?"

"For now we are good" Lucifer folded the directions and was about to put them on his chest pocket, when Alastor suddenly took it out of his hand to read them himself.

After a brief glance, the red demon put it on his own pocket and Lucifer rolled his eyes with a groan, but let it slide. Vassago tilted his head slightly seeing that little interaction. Lucifer saw the eyes of the bird demon concentrate on the engagement ring of Alastor, no doubt comparing it to the marriage one from Lucifer. He brazed himself for the inevitable questions.

They weren't planning to keep the situation a secret, but it was just easier to not go around explaining it over and over again for every person they involved on it.

"Are you sure, your Majesty?" asked Vassago, his voice becoming gentler. "My magic can help figure out problems of the past and future too, if you ever need it. Some find it really useful to deal with their issues in the present."

Was that his way to try to offer marriage council? Lucifer almost let scape the full blown laughter that he could feel bubbling up inside at the idea. He never even got to the marriage council part with Lilith before it was over!

Somehow, though, he manages to plaster a smile on his face that maybe wasn't even that convincing but whatever.

"No, no, we are fine!" said Lucifer, taking a step back from the friendly demon. "We have everything we need now, thank you."

"As you wish, your Highness" Vassago nodded his head. "Please, let me know if there is anything else that I can do."

"Sure, absolutely. Thank you, that was very kind of you" said Lucifer, making a head gesture for Charlie to get they were going out and she perked, thanking Vassago a lot.

Alastor didn't say anything, but gave a nod of recognition to the bird demon on their way out. Vassago seemed to be content with that reaction as he called for someone to see them out the palace. As soon they traspassed the huge door of the entrace, Lucifer made a portal back to the hotel.

"Well, isn't that something! At last some progress" said the king, drawing a bigger sincere smile, patting he back of Charlie. "We have plenty of options to go through even if any of them fails. Where should we start?"

For the first time since after Charlie's failed birthday, there was no one already cooking breakfast when everyone woke up in the hotel. Charlie seemed the most concerned of all, while the rest just complained briefly or shrugged the little anomaly of while going about starting their day.

Alastor just threw a glance to kitchen and moved past it, going up for his first cup of coffee. Once he had it up to perfection, he hummed for himself as he grabbed the newspaper of that day one of his shadows brought for him and sat down. He read first the obituary, as usual, chuckling when he found a especially funny or painful death listed there.

"Back to cereal, this fucking blows" yawned Angel, bringing his bowl over.

"You using the word blow without a joke attached to it? Are you okay?" commented Husk, snorting when Angel pushed him lazily with one of his lower arms.

"Shut up. A man like me should have something hot, sweet and comfy on the morning, not this" whinned, still eating spoonfuls. After a moment of thinking about it, he added: "You only sorta count."

"Thanks. You could also learn to cook for yourself too."

"Who has the energy for that?" Angel yawned again and lifted an eyebrow to Alastor's direction. "Smiley, did you bother your boyfriend of another dimension or something? Is this how he punish you? Because that is not very nice to the rest of us."

Alastor didn't lift his gaze from what he was looking. Although the static growing before he spoke a word wouldn't have been comforting for most people. Husk felt his fur stand up instinctively.

"I am going to give you two seconds to learn to not make unnecessary comments" said Alastor calmly, taking another sip of his coffee.

"I am just saying. Mess with the only one of us who actually knows how to cook, not very smart. You and Charlie are the only reason he does it so it's a fair question."

"Husk" sighed Alastor and Husk frowned, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder to get him to back off. As Angel huffed, but didn't continue, Alastor was going to get back to the news when he lifted his gaze and realized that Charlie was staring at him. "Yes?"

"Well, did you?" asked the princess, carefully. "I mean, I know that you don't like any of this, and I don't blame you for that either, but he is sorta in a delicate place right now and dad always had a tendency to leave when things get hard so…"

"What exactly do you want to ask, dear?"

"Did you talk to him?" said Charlie, letting her shoulders fall. "Was he fine when you did? Did he gave you any sign that he wasn't?"

Alastor looked at the rest of the table and realized, to his surprise, that everyone was actually expecting an answer out of him. Since when did he became the designated Lucifer expert on this hotel?

"How would I know?" replied, masquering his taken aback with an irritated shrug.

"He always wants to hang around you" pointed out Angel. "When he isn't, he keeps looking around as if expecting to find you like some lost puppy. It's kinda sad and cute at the same time. Come on, man, even you must have noticed."

"This is absurd" declared Alastor, letting that piece of information slide away. Yes, of course he noticed, he wasn't blind. That was the whole reason why that tiny king could notice something was wrong with him in the first place. If it was for him then maybe he could even take it as a compliment. As it was, it was just annoying because he knew damn well none of that had nothing to do with him. It was all for some other Alastor that unfortunately shared his same face. The attention of a king didn't mean much when it was borrowed like that. "For your information, the last time we ever exchanged words, he seemed fine for my extremely limited exposure to the moods of our Highness. If that has changed since then, I wouldn't know."

Charlie sighed, back again to stare at her phone. The text she send to her father remaining unread and unanswered for. Vaggie at her side tried to calm her down, patting her hand over the table.

"I am sure he was just tired, sweetie" she said.

"Frankly, I don't know what is the issue" commented Alastor, handwaving away the concern. "If anything, now this feels like coming back to normal when it comes to this hotel."

Just when he finished his sentence, Lucifer appeared from the Hallway with a face that could have brighten up a whole city by itself.

"MY ALASTOR IS PREGNANT! WE ARE HAVING A BABY!"

Too many things happened all at once. Charlie jumped out on her chair at the loud noise. Husk completely froze with all his hair on his back, neck and shoulders puffed out. Angel started hysterically laughing, which made Niffty to laugh too. Alastor just spit his coffee everywhere in front of him, utterly destroying the mug on his hand in the process.

Lucifer was too excited to notice, running up to Charlie and hug her face before she could even process what happened.

"Sweetie, your other you is going to have another sibling! I am going to be a parent again! Isn't that the best news ever?" cooed, just as slowly everyone else started to catch up.

"Wait, are you serious?" asked Angel.

"The fuck you mean pregnant?" wanted to know Husk, making a face as if the word itself disgusted him when related to any version of Alastor. "Isn't your Alastor a man too? And a sinner? Since when the fuck is that a thing?"

"Magical pregnancy!" said Lucifer, still too happy to mind anything else. "We both wanted it strong enough that it happened! Never understimate a little bit of pure angelic power, I guess!"

"Does that mean they didn't do the nasty for it? That is lame" said Niffty, visibly dissapointed.

Lucifer blushed, but luckily Charlie saved him of recognizing the comment at all by standing up to hug him. Her uncomfortable smile spoke volumes of how out of her element she was. Nevertheless, she recognized that was the happiest she had seen her father in a long while and the last thing she wanted was to squash that.

"That is great, papa" said, patting his back. "I am… glad for you. But uhm… how do you know that?"

"The pregnancy created a link between us!" replied Lucifer, perking up. "I managed to speak with him last night and he told me. It has been tested and everything! Oh, sweetie, I am so happy!" Lucifer sighed big and hugged her again, melting away any residual question that Charlie had just to hug him back.

"Congratulations, short king" said Angel, throwing a chuckle in Alastor's direction.

Only when feeling the attention on him, did Alastor saw the mess he had made with himself and conjured it all away easily. He fixed his suit and cleared his throat, ready to pretend none of that ever happened. Not to his carefully crafted and immaculate front it didn't, and if anyone said it did, they wouldn't soon enough. They must have confused him with another Alastor. One that apparently now was pregnant and therefore part of the pile of things he was never, ever, going to talk again not even under torture.

"Well, that is enough news for me" said, folding his newspaper that was stained with coffee anyway and putting it aside.

He stand up, but stopped when the pieces of his mug came together with golden magic and fused together, leaving no mark behind. Lucifer chuckled from above a bend over Charlie, just in case he had any doubt as to what happened, and he gave him a tired look. If he thought he was about to say thank you, he had another thing coming. It was the least he could after being the responsible for breaking it in the first place anyway. Regardless of whose hands was holding it when it happened.

"That is not the only thing he told me" said Lucifer, holding the hands of Charlie on his own. "We both came to the conclusion that we should just look for a new stone and make another wish to take me back home and get you back your Lucifer. If it was strong magic to do interdimensional travel, then it should be also strong enough to nullify another wish no problem. The only issue is to find it."

[hauntedliz]

Tagged by the beloved @toads-treasures to talk about my writerly ways. :)

When did you start writing?

I've been writing for a very, very long time. I had so many spiral note books with drawings and little stories. I remember in first grade my friends and I wrote stories about us and our friends being superheroes. I was a writer and THE illustrator, and I still have the notebook where I drew all of us. Before that I would wander around recess just making up songs and after that I got way too involved in imaginary recess plot lines. My friends grew out of it, and I did not. So writing was the best option. It's harder now. It sounds dramatic, but I wonder if sometimes the burnout is too deep and it's all tainted. Other parts of me have healed since college, but this part still feels broken.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I think the things I read are pretty similar to what I like to write: romance, fantasy, horror, mystery. Though I do read a lot of Star Wars content, and I don't know I could ever write in that world. I love it SO much, but I'd be so afraid to forget something or mess it up. I'm not really interested in other scifi at the moment.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Emily Henry is one of my favorite authors right now. Her romances have all the fun stuff, but they also hit something deep in my heart. It's not just romance and fun tropes, there is something very human and personal there. I think Shirley Jackson's stories and incrdibly cool. The Magnus Archives altered by brain in a way that will not be undone. I can think of a lot of writers I'd be honored to get compared to from both published stories and fanfics.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

My writing space is wherever the mood strikes. I feel the most free at my job when I have some free time and can zone out into my thoughts. We won't think too hard about that. At home, my desk is kind of cluttered, but there are things I love all around. My bookshelf is to my left if I ever need inspiration or guidance.

I like cramming words onto notebook pages and writing in different directions to throw off my perfectionist tendancies. It can't be that important if I am writing it sideways, right?

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

One song. On repeat. As long as it takes. (Could be multiple, but usually one is THE muse)

Also talking to toad. I honestly work best with a partner.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

When I realize my themes have been recurring I am usually surprised at first, but then it makes sense. While making OCs with toad I realized just how often I inflict oldest sibling disease on my characters. Lots of sibling dynamics. Loss and grief come up a lot but that's not really an accident. There are lots of things to lose and be haunted by. I very purposely try to put parts of myself I struggle with in my ocs I think it's important.

"And I think I was always writing for myself, to sort through my loss and worry and tangled ambitions. Even now, I think about how effortless it is to lose oneself in words, and yet also find who you are." -Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross

"Literature, for all of us, is a way that we rehearse life. And, of course, I don’t have that much life left. I’ve already experienced everything that one can experience. But kids who are ten years old, they have it all in front of them, and some of it is going to be very, very hard. When they read about people experiencing those hard things, they rehearse how they would react, feeling it without having to truly feel it yet. It serves a valid purpose for them." -Lois Lowry interview

What’s your reason for writing?

Fun.

See above quote.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Seeing people get excited about my characters or the things I come up with makes me extremely happy. It doesn't matter if it's a keyboard smash or detailed list of things you liked. I don't forget kind words. I also like making toad use sobbing crying emojis in response to my ideas so that too.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Very little. Think about the story or the character, pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain. Otherwise I'd say always kindly, but with the occassional fist shaken in my direction for angst.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I'm really not sure. For a writer I sure haven't written much lately. I used to say my dialogue.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Depends on how much time has passed since I last read it. While I'm writing it? I hate it, my own words are so annoying. It's because I have read and thought about them a hundred times and the perfectionism really sours things. When I can seperate myself I think it can be really good. I mainly just wish I could finish it.

[nedconte]

Roosmav fic recs: Omegaverse favorites!

Omegaverse is a very popular trope in Roosmav fandom - currently about 15% of Roosmav works on AO3 are tagged with it. Since this is a list of my favorites, all fics here are about alpha!Rooster and omega!Mav, with fairly typical omegaverse dynamics. There may be mentions of breeding and/or mpreg, but no on-page pregnancy is included.

The majority of these fics have explicit vaginal sex, and I'm not tagging every fic for it, so I recommend looking at the full tags and author's note before deciding what to read. If you're not comfortable with some terminology, I suggest ctrl+F searching for it before reading. Some of these fics come with warnings, so I'm putting the non-explicit fic first, and filth under the cut. :D

No prize for second place by Lacerta 6k, M, no archive warnings apply omega chase, getting together

Maverick dashes behind a tree, not as much for the measly cover it provides as for the support. He leans against the bark, fingers digging into the rough ridges. It only marginally helps to ground him, but fighting against odds this uneven, even as much is a blessing. He knows the game; he knows how to play it. What he didn’t take into account, though, was Bradley. * The old tradition in the US military has alphas chasing after omegas in heat. Maverick, still unmated, is a recurring champion of the Chase, but there's a first time for everything, isn't there?

I really love the worldbuilding and Mav's characterization in this fic. Very well written.

Needs Must by EmilyNorth 8k, E, no archive warnings apply bonding, not actually unrequited love

“I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now,” Admiral Simpson said. To his credit, he sounded mostly sincere. But then, he’d always been clear about admiring Iceman. It was Maverick who he couldn’t stand. “Take some time, whatever you need.” “I appreciate that, sir,” Maverick said, “but there’s no time. The mission—” “No, I’ll be taking over the training from here.” Maverick froze. “…Sir?” “We both know you can’t stay on active duty, captain. An omega is only allowed to serve if they’re bonded.”

This is absolutely beautiful, and I really enjoyed how the omegaverse worldbuilding is weaved into the canon divergent setting.

Cream Top by anonymous 7k, E, creator chose not to use archive warnings (underage) medical examination, male lactation, pseudo-incest, sex toys

“Don’t worry, I’ve seen cases like this before.” The medical officer turned and made another note on her laptop. Several notes. “I’m assuming, Captain, that there’s a young alpha at home? It looks like you have a dependent on your file.” Maverick closed his eyes. “Yes.” “How old are they?” Mav didn’t want to answer. “Captain?” she prompted. “Bradley’s—Seventeen.”

Dare I say this one is a fandom classic already? The first chapter is a work of art, but the whole fic is amazing.

the whole purpose of want and desire by punk_rock_yuppie 3k, E, no archive warnings apply established relationship, edging, trans!maverick

This early-morning fuck shouldn’t be happening. Bradley knows that. But he can’t help himself. He woke up hard and was still aching when Maverick slipped back into their room for a goodbye kiss. If Maverick really didn’t want to, he’d say so. The only caveat is— “I’m serious Bradley, you can’t knot me.” Maverick looks over his shoulder, expression unimpressed.

This is super hot. It's not a tag on this, but this hit me right in the "just the tip" kink.

show me the way home by MilesbyMicah 8k, E, creator chose not to use archive warnings (underage) male lactation, breeding kink

Maverick knows that Bradley's too old for this. Too old to come seeking the warmth of Maverick's tits in the middle of the night. But he's never been able to say no to his boy.

This is very hot, and I'm a big fan of how messed up and codependent their relationship is. I recommend reading both this and the follow up!

let the love light guide me home by MilesbyMicah 17k, E, creator chose not to use archive warnings male lactation, voyeurism, semi-public sex, reconciliation sex

Maverick and Bradley haven’t spoken in years. Circumstances beyond their control have forced them into proximity, and it’s a race to see what will spark up first; the years of hostility or the half-formed mating claim that still lingers between them. The sequel to 'show me the way home', please read that one first!

Hot and emotional, I absolutely loved this. This is set during TGM, but there's a flashback to them having sex when Bradley is 18.

As we dance with the devil tonight, don't you dare look at him in the eye by Fuddlewuddle 2.5k, E, no archive warnings apply background goose/mav, cuckolding, male lactation, mommy kink, mentions of breeding/mpreg

He’s not sure why he does it. One second he’s laying there with Bradley wrapped around him—comforted by the presence of his big strong boy sleeping at his back, while Goose was away with work—and the next he’s moving Bradley’s large paw; thick fingers so much bigger than his own even though he’s barely eighteen years of age. He runs his own fingers under Bradley’s, pushing them upwards one by one, like the tick of a clock, before sweeping his palm over the back of Bradley’s hand—where the veins will get more pronounced as he grows further into his Alpha body—and moving it to between his legs; Bradley’s paw now offering his pussy a comforting embrace.

This is hot and a little fucked up, just how I like my Roosmav.

in between what's already done by crawsley 5k, E, creator chose not to use archive warnings extremely dubious consent, daddy kink

“We aren’t doing this,” Maverick says, firmly, and he’s tensing like he’s about to move, about to shove Rooster off of him, push him away like he pushed him away before, when all Rooster had wanted was some guidance, some help, some love and kindness and— Rooster bears him to the ground, right there on the rug in the entryway.

I know I've already recced this one in a previous post, but a Roosmav omegaverse rec list just wouldn't be complete without this. A deserved fandom favorite.

[thisisnotthenerd]

since i transferred most of these to ao3 for archival purposes (read: so i don't have to scroll my tag to know what meta i have and haven't written), i figured i would bang out the subclass analysis that i've been meaning to do. this does include the prior subclasses of characters who changed their subclass. without further ado:

number of subclasses per class for d20 characters

warlock: 7

warlock: hexblade, genie, celestial, undead, archfey, destiny, great old one

cleric and rogue: 6

cleric: life, grave, twilight, city, tempest, forge

rogue: inquisitive, arcane trickster, mastermind, assassin, swashbuckler, phantom

barbarian, bard, and ranger: 5

barbarian: berserker, ancestral guardian, totem warrior (eagle & bear), storm herald

bard: lore, whispers, eloquence, swords, glamour

ranger: gloomstalker, beastmaster, monster slayer, swarmkeeper, fey wanderer

fighter, monk, and sorcerer: 4

fighter: battlemaster, arcane archer, champion, eldritch knight

monk: shadow, drunken master, long death, astral self

sorcerer: shadow, storm, wild magic, draconic

druid, paladin, and wizard: 3

druid: shepherd, stars, moon

paladin: devotion, redemption, oathbreaker

wizard: divination, necromancy, bladesinger

artificer: 2

artificer: artillerist, alchemist

most popular subclass per class

artificer: tie between artillerist and alchemist (1 each)

barbarian: berserker (4)

bard: lore (4)

cleric: tie between city and tempest (2 each)

druid: shepherd (3)

fighter: battlemaster (10)

monk: shadow (2)

paladin: devotion (4)

ranger: gloomstalker (3)

rogue: inquisitive (5)

sorcerer: shadow (3)

warlock: hexblade (3)

wizard: tie between divination, necromancy, and bladesinger (1 each)

top 5 subclasses by popularity

to no one's surprise, it's battlemaster fighter at the top with 10. i get why people pick it--it's the archetypal fighter, gives you unique martial abilities that you can't replicate with another class, and multiclasses well. the fact that it's 62.5% of all of the fighters is a little crazy.

next up is inquisitive rogue, with 5. a significant difference from battlemaster, but still a good number. we've had several seasons where an inquisitive rogue is absolutely necessary for plot progression (tiny heist and mice & murder, anyone?) so it makes sense that it's popular.

in third we have a few tied: berserker barbarian, lore bard, devotion paladin, arcane trickster rogue, and mastermind rogue all have 4. the rogues make sense just due to the number of rogue heavy seasons we've had. berserker barb and lore bard both serve a similar role among their respective classes' subclasses; they are often the simplest choice to play with and offer good options through level progression without needing to optimize too much. devotion paladin is also a solid choice, but it's 4/6 of all d20 paladins (including ricky matsui).

in fourth we again have a few ties: circle of the shepherd druid, gloomstalker ranger, and shadow sorcerer with 3. similar deal to the paladins--they're solid choices, but make up a major portion of the d20 characters of their respective classes. 3/5 druids, 3/7 rangers, and 3/8 sorcerers. 2 of the druids are just erika ishii.

in fifth we're tying up a bunch: ancestral guardian barbarian, totem warrior barbarian, whispers bard, eloquence bard, city cleric, tempest cleric, arcane archer fighter, way of the shadow monk, redemption paladin, beastmaster ranger, assassin rogue, swashbuckler rogue, and storm sorcerer (sorceress, really, for saccharina and sam nightingale). this is where we start to see a wider range of subclasses, many of which are multiclassed

and then there's the list of every other d20 subclass, of which there is 1 of each:

artillerist artificer

alchemist artificer

storm herald barbarian

swords bard

glamour bard

life cleric

grave cleric

twilight cleric

forge cleric

circle of stars druid

circle of the moon druid

champion fighter

eldritch knight fighter

drunken master monk

long death monk

astral self monk

oathbreaker paladin

monster slayer ranger

swarmkeeper ranger

fey wanderer ranger

phantom rogue

wild magic sorcerer

draconic sorcerer

genie warlock

celestial warlock

archfey warlock

destiny warlock

undead warlock

great old one warlock

divination wizard

necromancy wizard

bladesinger wizard

and that's all! tune in for the next time i hyperfixate on d20 statistics!

[n-rnova]

TSAREVICH ALEXEI’S LOYAL SAILOR

This story is dedicated to the most loyal, but too often forgotten, servant of the Romanov family: Klementy Grigorievich Nagorny.Klementy Grigorievich Nagorny, the last Dyad’ka (“Uncle”, or sailor nanny) caretaker of Tsarevich Alexei, was born in 1887 in the Village of Pustovarovka, to a peasant family. Nagorny became a sailor on the Imperial Yacht “The Standart”, and eventually was appointed as assistant caretaker of Tsarevich Alexei, to the Boatswain A.E. Derevenko.

Nagorny’s main duties as Alexei’s “dyadka” were to accompany the Tsarevich during public appearances, entertain him, and most importantly guard his life and wellbeing.  As Nagorny carried the heir to the Russian throne in his arms during Tsarevich Alexei’s bouts with hemophilia, his position was especially vital when the revolutionaries were hunting down members of the ruling Romanov dynasty.

After Derevenko left Tsarskoe Selo with the revolutionary sailors in 1917, Nagorny became Tsarevich Alexei’s main (and last) “dyadka”.

While many members of the imperial suite were abandoning the deposed Romanov family in order to save themselves,  Nagorny chose to voluntarily follow them into exile to Siberia, aware that he was risking his own life.

Klementy Nagorny was among the small group of servants who accompanied the grand duchesses and Tsarevich Alexei from Tobolsk to join their parents in Ekaterinburg. Even aboard the steamer “The Rus” on their way from Tobolsk,  Nagorny protected his charges as much as he could from their “guards”, which caused their anger.  Nagorny’s brave behavior thus sealed his own fate.  One of the witnesses remembered that as they arrived in Ekaterinburg, Nagorny said that he knows that he will probably be killed. “Look at the nasty faces they have! Rodionov alone is really something! Well, let them kill me but I will at least punch one or two of their muzzles before that! ”

The Tobolsk group arrived in Ekaterinburg on 23 May,1918.  Nagorny was initially admitted inside the Ipatiev house – the fateful “House of Special Purpose”, where the Romanov family would meet their deaths in less than two months. Along with everyone else who was permitted inside Romanov family’s prison, Nagorny had to sign a special affidavit, which was later preserved in archives as a historical document. This was what he signed:

“I, the undersigned citizen Nagorny, Klementy Grigorievich, from the Kiev Province, Svirsky County, Antonovsky Parish, Village of Pustovarovka, affirm that I wish to continue to serve the former Tsar Nicholas Romanov, and promise to obey and carry out orders of the Ural Regional Council emanating from the Commandant of the House of Special Purpose, and consider myself of equal position with the rest of the Romanov family.  24 May, 1918.” Eyewitnesses later recalled that Nagorny could never silently endure the abuse that the jailers flung at Tsarevich Alexei and the rest of the imperial family. Once inside the Ipatiev house, Nagorny regularly spoke out in defense of the oppressed prisoners and even once washed from the walls the offensive rhymes and indecent drawings made by the guards, which he did not want the imperial children to be exposed to.

Nagorny paid dearly for the loyalty to his beloved Romanov family: with his very life – as he himself predicted. This noble and faithful sailor was taken away and brutally shot on 6th July, 1918, only days before the Romanov family themselves were murdered.

Klementy Grigorievich Nagorny was only 31 years old at the time of his murder, he never married or had any children of his own.

[cheswirls]

quick tangent for i think uh.. like problems i have w writing that i've noticed lately

idek how far back it goes but i make a lot of notes before actually writing for a piece from start to finish. i flesh things out in my head or think of a detail to elaborate on later and jot typically everything down that i can bc my memory sucks and ik i'll forget it later of i let it set too long, or if not forget then it'll be hazy and all the details won't be there.

the thing abt this is that 1) i write most notes all in a big blur and separate big thoughts by semicolons in lieu of any other punctuation, and i feel like most of the time i'm jotting everything down as i think of it (as it is in my head) so i don't have to waste time on coming up w correct wording or what makes sense, i'll figure out what makes sense later yknow? so it's all a giant stream loosely punctuated and if you read it out mostly it'd sound like someone speaking.

which leads to 2) a lot of extraneous detail accumulates and the bits and pieces that DO end up sounding eloquent i end up liking enough that i wanna shive a phrase or line into the story as is. which is !!! part of the bigger problem, exhibit a

when i come up with something for a story, i want to somehow insert it into the story no matter what. this means that i have trouble letting go of older ideas that no longer fit, but it also means (and this is the main problem i feel i have) that i feel the need to put a lot of extraneous elements into the story just because.

sometimes this is fine!! but sometimes, like this past week skimming old notes for a wip fic abt a yr old, i feel like this is not great and that i could be going abt it all in a better way.

let me give an example. i have a fic where a character is not quite human, is adopted by human parents for power gaining purposes later, is never told they're not human and ends up running away at a young age, but starts exhibiting non-human qualities later in life.

also, this fic is from the pov of another person in conflict with the one above. they meet after the first has already run away from home, so from a story perspective, there is no reason that the pov character should know any of the information i listed above. the story is about them trying to figure out what exactly the other character is, species-wise, and both of them are not on good terms so there's no opening to inquire directly with each other to puzzle it out.

what i've realized is that this plot point is interesting and can add to the story, but not as a direct quote, because it doesn't fit and would hinder the narrative to introduce. however! just because it can't fit doesn't mean i can't use it indirectly. idk where to go just yet, but today i thought about tossing aside a mention of the parents and such directly and instead using that information to build characteristics. i know it happens and that this person experiences it, so i can use that to puzzle out how it influences them, maybe showing how it contrasts them to the pov character, or possibly alluding to it as what's probably necessary information that the pov character simply doesn't have ('if i could just figure x out, if i just knew about y, then i could solve for z')

which is to say that uhhhhh basically! i'm slowly realizing that there are (probably better?) ways to use extraneous information besides directly. i usually don't worry about padding a story, but i have written plenty before where there's a word cap and for that purpose i feel like this will be helpful to keep in mind so the "padding" can be reduced but still serve its purpose.

it helps too that i never really delete my notes, so it's not like all the bits and pieces i think are ingenious are gone forever jus bc it doesn't make it into the story. i've thought abt actually taking screenshots or straight up copy/pasting some of my fic notes here, especially for completed fic i'm not liable to think abt again in terms of editing, as a sort of archive but also jus so i have somewhere i can point my fingers at and say 'oh look! i wrote smth cool come look at it!'

anyway this isn't uh anything tangent and i need to learn to kill my darlings i think first before i can implement this idea, or perhaps starting this way (with indirectly adding to a story) will enable me to do that better (discarding unnecessary things altogether). again bc i'm writing fic for fun i'm not rly stressed abt forming a perfect cohesive story that cuts out irrelevant details bc if i'm writing for me and i like those details then why not? but i do also think overall this will help me improve writing quality and i'm excited to test some things and go from there :) even if i like where i'm at now, i also think challenging my comfort when writing is never a bad thing bc i'll look at smth i write now a yr ago and go oh! i've definitely gotten better!