#these are for those out there who think that iterators are god awful to draw /jjjj

[localceilingdevil]

hello tumblr. slugcat designs

@skybristle held my family hostage for me to make these /SILLY they were so fun to create!!! myths, hope, flare, fields, and prosperity from descending order :]

[pizzatrocious]

So! With the end of this wonderful little event, I do have a bit of a bittersweet announcement.

I'll still be around here and there on a low-effort multimuse I plan to make a while from now... but, save for any light activity you'll still see from me, I plan on retiring from writing.

I'm not retiring for any bad reasons, quite the opposite! But as someone that's been writing on Tumblr for roughly... 14 years? I think I've done most of what I've wanted to do. Every kind of thread you can imagine, every type of character, and every type of genre. For the past few years I've jumped blogs A LOT, but really only because I loved chasing whatever next big thing felt fun to write.

I was here when ask blogs were the standard instead of RP blogs, regardless of whether or not the mun could draw. I remember my first ever Bowser RP blog, iconless and full of crack on a classic Redux theme. I unfortunately remember the Homestuck and Danganronpa craze, and an era where icons were a semi-new novelty that only the 'fancy' blogs used. I remember back when a majority of the Pokemon RPC was a fairly popular crack group that, at its peak, had 300~ active blogs all at once.

I remember the Splatoon Marie roleplayer that chased after me, even when I'd socially isolate myself during the darkest spots of my life, and the Rosalina blog she made later down the line. You might know her now as my wife, Rosie. Funny to think, our more popular duo wound up being Peach and Bowser.

I remember all the different iterations of the Smash RPCs, and all the people that rocked the community with every post. Then there was the Sonic RPC, a place that was almost torn apart by an awful person's hold on the community, only to rise from the ashes! That RPC's pretty quiet nowadays, but those guys may as well be sleeper agents for Sonic content.

Then there's the people I affectionately call 'The Elder Gods'. The ones that, despite being here over a DECADE, they still dedicate themselves to the same characters they always have. They're usually the ones with the ancient-looking blogs that go largely under-the-radar nowadays, but they're the foundation that built these writing communities. You guys mostly just keep to yourselves nowadays, but I see you.

And of course, my good ol' kindred spirits, the people that roleplay the most obscure, hyper-specific characters. Those one-off indie games, obscure shows, characters stuck to a spinoff title or are just dubiously canon, or characters with basically no canon that they've made into their own!

Of course, that's not to forget the people that take the big popular characters, and absolutely ROCK them in a way that makes the character all their own. Gotta toot my own horn, considering one of my old Bowser blogs had a couple thousand followers.

I could go on, and on, and on... but long story short, I've had a great time here.

Part of me never wants to stop, to be honest. But in all this time, I've become a different person. My hobbies have changed, my interests have changed, I'm a completely different person now! But I've also always been a stubborn creature of habit, never wanting to give anything up.

As a result of being anchored to my old habits so long, I'm left a little at a loss for what I want in life. More and more I've felt like a caged animal, just circling around my little enclosure and doing the same things over and over for enrichment. Add to that the usual struggles of adult life being rough and expensive, and you can imagine wanting to spend more of my time on survival is a factor too.

Nobody's gonna know what I really want now, except for me. I need to get out there and do some soul-searching. Find new hobbies, make new friends, experience new things... who knows what I'll be doing a year from now!

That said, I give my genuine, most heartfelt thank you to everyone I've ever crossed paths with in throughout all of the Tumblr RPCs I've been in. Honestly, the only reason I don't list off names is purely because I want to make sure nobody gets left out of my little expression of gratitude. You all know who you are, anyway.

I wish I could've known some of you a little better... but that's just life, isn't it? Sometimes the most impactful people in your lives are the ones you never get to really know. I'm sure I've gotten to be that person for my own fair share of people, with how reclusive I tend to be.

Again, this isn't goodbye. I mean, I'd be a little embarrassed if people thought I was gone forever, only for me to pop up a week or two later. This is a hobby I've always loved, I'll always find my way back to it. I'll always be lurking about, sometimes posting during funny shenanigans. Like I said at the start of this post, I plan on making a private, low-effort multimuse! Mostly I'll just use it to keep tabs on my friends and the writers I really enjoy seeing, but I still have a small list of characters I'd like to play around with a little.

Otherwise though, it's time to leave the nest and try other things.

Thank you again. This is Vincent, signing off.

[spectrumed]

4. body

Do I have body issues? Well... yeah. Who doesn’t? I absolutely do not like being fat, that’s something I’d change about me. And I probably should bulk up a little, go to the gym. My diet isn’t terrible, I don’t eat any fast food, but I could still always eat healthier. More greens, less beans. But most of all, my biggest body issue is that I don’t really associate myself with my body. My mind feels disconnected from my body. The day scientists invent a way for us all to live as brains in jars on wheels, I’m there standing in line for a chance to become all cerebral. Being physical, it’s just so messy, so awkward, so uncomfortable. You feel pain, you feel embarrassment, you feel horny. Nothing good comes from having a body. If you were just a brain, you could go on thinking and calculating and just generally having a good mental time. Or you’d start feeling suffocated and trapped trying to move your limbs and realising that they have been all chopped off. Hmm… Maybe it’s more complicated than I initially thought.

I don’t understand people who enjoy physical activities. Let it be clear before we delve into this long rant of mine complaining about all things gymnastic, this is not particularly an autistic trait. In fact, there are plenty of autistic people who may excel as athletes, their drive and obsessive personality traits becoming quite useful in developing that discipline that is required to fully commit to becoming an all-star jock. Not all autistic people are reprehensible nerds. Some autistic people are actually quite sexy. Some even have abs. But that’s not me. That’s not my clan of autistic people. I like drawing maps. I like thinking about things. I like making cocktails. The only part of my physical body that I like to put strain on is my liver. Don’t make me go on a run. There isn’t an armchair in this world that I wouldn’t want to sit down in, even the ones that used to be owned by old chain-smokers that have that awful aroma that sneaks into your nostrils and makes you worry about second-hand lung cancer. Sitting is great. I like sitting. Also lying down. Lying down is good.

Am I lazy? No, I don’t think so. Maybe a little, but here’s the thing. I can’t control the things I obsess over. There’s a great deal of overlap between autism spectrum disorder and attention deficit disorder. If you’re reading this and you’re a fellow friend on the spectrum, you may have gotten diagnosed with both. One of those rare times in my life I have attended group therapy, more than half the group were diagnosed with both. I, however, am not. But seeing as the two conditions are so intertwined, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that a facet of autism involves difficulties in trying to focus on something, or even trying not to focus on something too hard. If you were to judge my tenacity, my ability to keep going, based solely on how I perform during physical tasks, you’d think I was the least resolute person on the planet. But then you’ll find me, some time later, staying up until four in the morning drawing another map. A map that’s really just a different take on another map that I drew earlier, that itself was a reworked version of a previous map that I drew but didn’t like, that actually began as a second iteration of one map I drew that was actually wholly different, that was based on a map of Europe but if Denmark never existed. How many maps have you drawn Fred? Why don’t you go mind your own business, you nosy ferret.

The DSM-5 (the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. You can think of it as something akin to a bible of psychology, which is definitely an inflammatory way to refer to it, but I’m gonna go with it! Because I’m a wildcard, and that’s just how I roll,) includes this section as part of its diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder.

Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

Now, I personally don’t relate to that at all. There’s nothing abnormal in my intense love for maps. The fact that maps aren’t as widely cherished as they ought to be is a fault of others, and I refuse to acknowledge that this may be a part of my character that could be perceived as quirky, or out of the ordinary. But, still, for the sake of argument, let’s presume that I can get, at times, excessively circumscribed. I’d like to say that I’ve only ever engaged in excessive circumscribing in my privacy away from onlookers, but I am afraid that I may have allowed some of my excessive circumscribing to happen in public. I definitely do apologise for that. I will try to do better in the future. But you never know when you’re about to experience some excessive circumscribing. The best you can do is keep it limited.

I don’t know how neurotypicals work. So, you don’t feel these kinds of obsessions? These moments of intense focus? These fixations? Then, you lack passion? Are you heartless? Soulless? Or are you just weak? Are you too feeble to hold steadfast working on a project all night long? To lose touch with your sense of hunger, your need for sleep, and all contact with any other human person? My fixations may come across as strange, but to me, your lack of fixations come across as bizarre. The world is endlessly fascinating. Have you never felt that compulsion to just fully immerse yourself in a topic that allows you to forget about your physical body for just that moment in time? The body cannot hold me. I wish to absorb as much information as I can. If I could astral project, by gods, I would astral project. To decouple your consciousness from your mushy brain for just that little bit, to go soaring across the landscapes, to explore the cosmos, just free of all things corporeal, that would be swell. How terrible isn’t it, when you’re deep in research, learning all about the mystical religious practices of the long-dead hierophants of the ancient world, to be drawn back into the present by the sudden need to urinate? There is something so dreadfully mundane about possessing a human body. If only we could all be celestial beings allowed to just be without the biological needs associated with having flesh and blood and bone and bladders.

I am not religious, nor am I spiritual. I do not believe that there is an immaterial world that lies above the material. I do not believe there is an astral plane. I think that one of the terrifying things about living is knowing that we do not possess such a thing as an eternal soul, that all things are temporal, and that ultimately, we have to come to terms with that. It’s not so terrible. In some ways, the temporal nature of life can be its biggest blessing. All things must pass. Sure, that does include the good times, like that vacation you spent as a child wishing that it would never end. But it also includes the bad times. The heartbreak you feel from a failed relationship. The grief you feel after the passing of a parent. The depression some of us are burdened with. Some days are worse than others. But they too will pass. One of the remarkable things about the human body is its ability to bounce back from injury. To change and evolve in ways we sometimes find unthinkable. The brain, likewise, is transformational, capable of incredible developments. We’re not fixed in stone. We’re not eternal. Which is a good thing. It is what allows recuperation and progress. I should be thankful to my body for being there, even when I’m not. After all, isn’t your body your temple?

I am able-bodied. Am I disabled? There’s naturally a lot of questions that surround how we ought to understand mental illness or neurodiversity in regards to disability. Does autism spectrum disorder count as a disability? Well, yes, it can be considered a learning disability. It is certainly something of a handicap, you are experiencing struggles that most people don’t experience. But to your average layperson, your typical dullard who spends their time watching reality TV, drinking beer, and being happy, what counts as a disability to them? Would they see me and think I was disabled? I’m not in a wheelchair. I don’t walk with a cane. Though I will occasionally “stim,” make small repetitive moments with my hands or legs, I do not exhibit any kind of physical symptoms. If I told them that I was disabled, they’d scoff and tell me that I’m just making it up for attention. They’d say I’m probably just trying to mooch off the government, scoring welfare checks while doing nothing to contribute to society. I’ve got all my limbs. I am not sickly. I am actually quite strong, due to being a big and tall man, I am able to carry quite the load. So, I have no reason to not be a fully productive member of society, right? And yet, here I am, feeling at most times utterly perplexed by anything physical. Probably because I am just lazy, right?

I don’t think laziness is a thing. What is laziness supposed to actually be? Tiredness? If a person is perpetually tired, then they’ve likely got a sleep disorder. To call them lazy would be callous. There are plenty of overworked people that get called lazy, especially by tyrannical overseers who think of their charges as mere workhorses whose only purpose in life is to toil away in the factory until the day they die. Intolerable parents who see their terminally sullen child and instead of wondering what is making them so upset decide to deride them for their lack of ambition. Are you lazy when you are procrastinating? No you are just being a tad irresponsible, maybe, deciding to skip out on chores in order to play video games or masturbate. But you’re not just doing nothing. People generally don’t enjoy doing nothing. We need something to occupy ourselves, to fill that vacuum we all feel whenever we’re just sitting still. I am someone who appears to be comfortable just sitting still, but that’s because I’ve learned, since a very young age, to entertain myself with my own thoughts. To fantasise, to daydream, to do anything I can to escape from the void that is doing absolutely nothing. Boredom, that’s terrible. Boredom is existential dread. Of all the motivations that drive humans, love, spite, jealousy, or pride, I think the need to evade boredom is one of the most prevalent. Humans would rather experience electric shocks than sit alone in a room being bored.

I am not lazy, I am merely… excessively circumscribed. For as much as this may be a specific diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder, I think it is also a common trait amongst all humans. There will always be within us a pull to do something other than the thing that we’re really supposed to be doing, that does not make us lazy, that just makes us terrified of boredom. Sure, you know that you’re supposed to mow the lawn, but that's just so dreadfully tedious, you just would rather be working on perfecting your new stand-up comedy routine. Thinking up jokes to tell on stage is so much more stimulating than cutting grass. And who cares if your lawn grows a little wild? Lawns are a scam, imposed by fascists to make us think grass in its natural state is ugly. All grass is beautiful, whether it is cut short or it is allowed to grow long. Do the thing that fulfils you. Allow yourself to become immersed in passion, to forget about those things that hold you back, the little silly things we’ve convinced ourselves is important. Stay up late, if you wish. You’re gonna kill it on open mic night, bud!

Yes, it is a problem when your obsessions grow so singular that you forget to feed yourself. When you forget personal hygiene, when you become trapped in your own apartment looking like some feral rodent caught in a cage. Like always, the key is moderation, and I know that from time to time, you may have to entertain a boring task or two. Clean your room, brush your teeth, trim your pubic hair, try to give an impression that you are taking care of yourself. If for anyone, do it for your mother. She will be happy seeing you looking like a civilised individual, wearing clean clothes and not looking malnourished. But don’t ever chastise yourself for being lazy. Laziness is a sin that we’re all guilty of, and if we’re all guilty of it, is it really a sin? Or is it just part of what it means to be a human? To be a messy creature made out of flesh and blood and bone and the occasional bladder. In the end, I’m more happy than displeased at having a body. It’d be much harder to type on a keyboard if I didn’t have fingers.

Still, I wish I wasn’t fat.

[regrettablewritings]

Animatic/Storyboard Music

Got bored/procrastinate-y on coloring in this ultra intricate card for my mom. So I’m just gonna make a list of songs I think make for good animatic material. Because why not/I wanna foist my musical tastes on people/ @locke-writes got me in a music binge. For the most part, it’s just gonna be me explaining the meanings or the vibe or what they generally tend to be used for, but really it’s mostly subjective so imaginate whatchu wanna.

“Trust Me” - The Devil’s Carnival Originally depicting a story about the Scorpion and the Frog, it’s the perfect song for when you want to depict the dynamic between a gullible or at the very least more grounded character and a figure whose intentions . . . may be less than pure. Or good for anyone, really.

“The Dismemberment Song” - The Blue Kid I have a playlist dedicated to songs whose content and sound are just . . . not married to one another, but got a weird flirtationship situation going on. Anyway, I’ve seen people say that they like to imagine it’s sung through the POV of a scorned housewife who’s finally Had Enough™️. And . . . They’re really not wrong for it. Really, though, it’s just the right song for when a sadist is just ready to gut a fucker but is disturbingly jolly about it.

“Love Me Dead” - Ludo Continuing with my trend of songs about people in less than ideal situations, “Love Me Dead” is straight to the point: The relationship is just awful and the guy gets nothing from it, but he can’t help but be hopelessly in a state of adoration for the woman he’s latched on to (“You’re born of a jackal! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!!”)

“Constellations” - The Oh Hellos There actually isn’t a plot to this song, it just feels really good (as all songs by The Oh Hellos are prone to be). However, if you feel a need to portray the concept of having to reorganize your thoughts after realizing that maybe they weren’t what you initially thought, and then coming to the conclusion that even though everything changes as a result, you’ll be alright? This is the song for you.

“A Kindling of Sorts” - The Oh Hellos An instrumental piece that is like . . . It’s related to another song of theirs about nationalism called “Torches”, so make of that what you will. (I personally have been using it to imagine storyboarding an opening for an animated The Witcher series.)

“The Other Side” - The Greatest Showman I know everyone and their mom has used this to portray situations like villains trying to get good guys to join their side. But I dun curr, it’s a fun song. That, and I like what Emilyamio did with her interpretation. It’s fun. For a basic rundown, know it’s another song about two characters’ dynamics being explored, with one coming to the other with a proposal that they join them in whatever endeavors they have in store. It’s often portrayed as something evil, but it really doesn’t have to be, as the original context was more about letting loose than anything.

“The Thief and the Moon” - Shawn James A much more mellow piece. Simple and straight to the point: A thief tells the Moon that he plans on stealing her light to shade the world in darkness. The Moon insists that the thief would only doom the world by doing so, to which the thief clarifies that he doesn’t care; if the world is shrouded in shadow, it means he will be able to steal with more ease (“My very existence is a race to attain wealth”). Disgusted, the Moon essentially curses the man with a warning that his greed can and will bring about his end -- and leave him to be forgotten by the rest of mankind, once it happens.

“Villainous Thing” - Shayfer James I’ve seen people say that this song is about singing to a cadaver but I can’t quite find anything confirming that (translation: I’m too lazy to look too into it). Regardless, it’s a fun ditty that yet again portrays someone with less than pure intentions encouraging someone to join him in some good old fashion villainy, as they’ve clearly endured their fair share of hardships and surely wanted to do evil anyway (“You’ll find no ever after here, it’s clear that isn’t what you came for“).

“Necromancin Dancin” - Bear Ghost Straight forward and fun as fuck: A necromancer apparently seems to cross classes and try his hand at barding by not only raising an army of the dead, but by also making them dance in order to make conquering the world easier. Because . . . a body doing Disco Duck isn’t scary, I guess.

"Aquaman” - Walk the Moon A song about one half of a couple wanting to become more involved in their relationship, but still having some nervousness about doing so. If you somehow haven’t heard this song yet, you gotta because it’s the cutest shit.

“Jenny’s Tale” - Ren I’ll be brutally honest, it’s about a woman named Jenny who just wants to get home after a long day of work and an unfortunate encounter with a 14 year old named Screech who gets way in over his head. As in, like, a death happens. That being said, I need. Like. An animated music video of this song. I imagine this shit in gritty charcoal or painted on glass, it just needs this. Somebody who isn’t me who knows what they’re doing, please look into this.

“The Curse of the Fold” - Shawn James As cheesy as it sounds, it basically boils down to not giving up or yielding. But what makes it so cool is the fact that Shawn James makes all his songs basically sound like a western gothic soundtrack. Which helps, because he admits that the title is also a reference to poker, in which giving up too often or too easily can often rob you of a delicious reward gained through perseverance and sacrifice.

“Thank God I’m Not You” - Himalayas I prefer to imagine this for an arrogant asshole of a character. Because that’s exactly what this song is about: They’re a liar and a thief, they’ve been called the son of Satan, and yet they consider themselves lucky -- ‘cause at least they ain’t you! If you have a character in mind who’s a delightful, punchable little shit, this is probably either their anthem or at least on the playlist you inevitably made for them.

"Passerine" - The Oh Hellos So there’s a common trend in The Oh Hellos’ discography that tends to explore the two founders’ experiences with faith and their growth in how they understand it or recognize it. With “Passerine”, the concept being explored is the experience they had when it came to taking a step back and realizing just how many of their supposed “fellow Christians” were actually doing some rather unchristian things, so to speak. When they “prune[d] their feathers”, it became clear that they had less in common with certain people proclaiming to be Christian while also spouting bigotry and greed. However, the desire to move away from such influences comes with the feeling of being torn, as moving too far away from the Bible leaves the singer feeling as though she is betraying something she holds dear. As a result, “Passerine” symbolizes not a breakage from faith, but a breakage from blind faith as they understood it, and the inevitable feeling of being torn that comes along with expanding upon how one views their beliefs and those around them. It’s therefore not uncommon to see Good Omens animatics using this song. (Something I also noticed is that throughout the song, you hear pieces of “Constellations”. TOH have a tendency to reference previous pieces, and considering “Constellations” is a song about changing perspective and the meanings we apply to them, it fits in beautifully with a song about reevaluating one’s stance.)

“Like the Dawn” - The Oh Hellos As stated before, a lot of TOH’s discography draws inspiration from their faith. In this case, it’s an outright retelling of the Garden of Eden, specifically when Adam awoke to find Eve had been created. What makes this iteration stand out to most, however, is that the singer is female, which seems to change the vibe you get. It sweetens the feeling of wonder we often forget the first man might’ve felt upon seeing somebody made for him, creating an air of beauty yet comfort with such lines as “And like the dawn, you broke the dark and my whole earth shook” or “You were the brightest shade of sun I had ever seen.” Even without the awareness or an interest in religious influences, it still manages to be a very feel-good song -- which is the mark of an overall good song in general!

“Confession” - RED Dealing with the constant battle of feeling ashamed that how you feel on the inside isn’t in sync with how you present yourself on the outside. That you should feel bad for smiling out at the world while screaming and thrashing -- like it’s a lie. But you can’t help it: It’s what you’re accustomed to. Though it does end on a hopeful note with the singer deciding that they want to reach out for help and rid themselves of this feeling of pain they have inside.

“When I Grow Up” - Matilda . . . Only if you want to cry. Seriously. When you’re a kid, everything seems difficult but you’re positive that once you grow up, everything will change: You’ll be tall enough to climb the trees you were too small to, you’ll be able to carry everything because you’re stronger, you’ll be brave enough to fight the monsters hiding in your room, you’ll finally have all the answers. . . . But life isn’t that simple. We wish it were, but it isn’t. There’s this bittersweetness about this song, about a sense of purity we unfortunately grow out of where we think things will be just the same enough for us to do what we want when we want, but things are more complicated than that. We still struggle to reach, to bear the weight, to not be afraid, to have even a fraction of the answers. But! We’re reminded that just because we’re told life isn’t fair, doesn’t mean we have to take it. After all, nothing changes when nothing happens. And even beyond that? It helps to remember that we’re never quite done growing up; there’s always more to learn, so remember to be patient with yourself.

“Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In!” - Will Wood and the Tapeworms This is . . . a song. The lyrics are honestly kinda all over the place and shooting rapid fire, making it a bit difficult to discern what exactly the singer is going on about. It makes for a pretty crazy song that suggests somebody’s going unhinged, which is apparently precisely the intention?? I’ve seen a lot of people interpret this as a song about a guy who is already at a low point in his life but nonetheless is going, “. . . I bet I can go deeper. Hand me my shovel.”

“No Reason” - Beetlejuice God if i had a youtube channel the segment i would spend on this song would be so juicy just ripe and thicc with thoughts and feelings i tell ya rich like a fresh fatty peach the apple that tempted Eve and gagged Adam yes ‘Nother song that explores the dynamic between two differing people and their worldviews. At its simplest, “No Reason” is about two opposite ends of a spectrum coming to a head: Idealistic and hippie-dippy Delia is convinced that everything happens for a reason, while cynical and depressed Lydia asserts that everything happens at random and it doesn’t matter anyway because we’re all going to die. And even though the delivery is ultimately a comedic one, you get more insight as to why one another feels the way that they do: Lydia, as we’ve previously learned, has recently lost her mother to an illness, which has left her depressed and feeling invisible (a theme in the show); whereas Delia’s failed marriage and desperate attempts to nonetheless be happy have left her dependent on the idea that these things had to have happened for a reason, otherwise, her pain would’ve been for nothing. What’s important is that neither side is actually appointed as the winner, with the song ultimately ending that the universe is random for a reason.

“Barbara 2.0″ - Beetlejuice Without spoiling anything (or at least too much), “Barbara 2.0″ is about growth. It’s about learning to put your foot down after a literal lifetime of being passive out of fear of what might happen and just accepting that nothing will happen if nothing happens -- but that doesn’t make whatever happens good.

“Bleed Magic” - IDHKBTFM It’s either about a killer or a vampire. No, seriously: When Dallon Weekes was asked about what the story of the song was, that was his answer. I personally prefer to think of it as a vampire or demon of some kind, given that the song came out around Halloween. Perfect for yet another example of somebody (likely supernatural) having an upper hand on an unsuspecting mortal. ...I have way too many of these on this list, I swear I don’t have a problem —

“Feel Good Drag” - Anberlin A toxic relationship of sorts. In that it shouldn’t be a relationship to begin with. Depicts the singer being approached by an ex, who seeks a one-night stand while her current boyfriend is out of town. However, the singer is aware that trying to continue anything regardless of the situation is a moot point: Even when they were together, their relationship was doomed from the start, and nothing about that is going to change -- especially now.

“Soviet Trumpeter” - Katzenjammer (It’s kinda difficult to work with this one but I’ve seen people work with less or stranger.) Based off the life of one Eddie Rosner, a Jewish Polish trumpeter whose fame within the USSR unfortunately faded due to the Soviet Union’s heavy censorship. Even if nothing is to be done with it, it still paints a melancholic picture of a talented man’s skills being largely unknown as a result of things beyond his control. All wrapped up in a song that denotes a strange deterioration in a way I can’t quite place.

“Apple Blossom” - The White Stripes On its face, it’s a very sweet song: The singer encourages his beloved to be vulnerable enough with him to tell him her troubles and to let him “sort them out for [her]”. She’s clearly saddened, and seeing so distresses him to where he insists that he will do whatever he can to make her happy. However, the tone of the song and certain lines make it easy to twist into yet another song of a character attempting to seduce somebody into a state of vulnerability . . .

“You’ve Got Possibilities” - It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Superman The one singular song people actually liked from this forgotten musical. Perfect for when somebody intends on giving somebody else a makeover. Y’know, after totally roasting them on their posture and clothing. If you want to add a lil something extra, know that the context is that a lady wants to give Clark Kent a makeover, insisting that in spite of his schlubby appearance, there’s gotta be something underneath. I repeat: She is telling this to Clark freaking Kent.

 “Still” - Anastasia In the context, the show’s antagonist (not bad guy, there’s a difference) finds himself torn between obligation and personal interest: Does he fulfill his duty and live up to expectations set upon him by his father and the society he’s been selected to help uphold? Or does he let a woman he has become fond of go? Is she truly as innocent as she claims? Or is she well aware of what she’s doing? And every time he thinks he’s reached a conclusion, he can’t help but thing, “But still . . .” Good for when you want to portray a character conflicted between obligations of politics and what their heart wants.

“Two Nobodies in New York” - [title of show] Two young men plan on entering an upcoming theatrical festival but struggle with what to even submit. This song in particular focuses on them trying to figure out what to even write, the concept of fame, and if wanting the certain things that may come with fame can mean anything from being sell-outs to getting a sitcom. It’s admittedly specific, but it’s a cute and funny interaction between two guys who are, for the most part, actually in sync with their thoughts and anxieties. For the time being.

“Into the Unknown” - Idina Menzel Look, I refuse to watch that movie. I just do. But I will take this song over That Other One any day. Mostly because I personally like to imagine that the singer in this song is about to embark on a Pixaresque journey after accidentally leaving her home during the night of The Wild Hunt, accidentally separating her spirit from her body and thus giving her a very limited time to get back to it before she remains a soul trapped in a whirlwind of ghosts forever. But first: Let’s sing about that strange howling that coaxes her so.

“You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid” - The Offspring I sure do long songs that can characterize a shithead . . . Anywho! The smoothest way to go is just to portray some cocky, manipulative shit who’s used to just lying and cheating their way to get what they want before slipping away without any consequences -- to a point. There’s the option of portraying the betrayer’s comeuppance, but there’s also the frustratingly delicious option of just letting them get away with whatever to lie another day.

“Why Should I Worry” - Billy Joel When in doubt, go to earlier Disney. Because like it or not, they had some bops. And when in the need of portraying a happy-go-lucky (probably idiotic) doofus and his more neurotic or cynical friend going about their life with the former just Mr. Magooing it while the latter suffers more realistic consequences? You go with this song. If you want. That’s just me.

“Transformation” - Brother Bear For when you want to invoke a mystical or otherworldly feeling. There’s really not much more I can say except to encourage you to listen to it and watch the scene if you can find it. You’ll get the vibe.

“No Girl’s Toy” - Raggedy Ann and Andy: A Musical Adventure It’s a big shame this movie is relatively unknown and never got a proper VHS release or anything -- mainly because the music in this cult classic is definitely stuff I could see becoming standards. I could see people performing “I Never Get Enough” for little shows, or recycling “Blue” for a different show. Thankfully, somebody was able to upload a clear enough sounding recording of “No Girl’s Toy”, so at least we have that. In context (just...follow me on this), Raggedy Ann’s brother, Raggedy Andy, has had enough of being subjected to “girly things” while in the nursery. Additionally, though, the way the song was written means it can also be interpreted as just a guy who refuses to let himself be yanked around regardless of how thick the sugar being laid on him is. . . . If you wanna poke fun as a character for trying to appear tougher than what he is, here’s the song. (That being said, Andy is a sweetheart at the end of the day. No amount of tough-fronting will hide that.)

“I Enjoy Being a Girl” - Flower Drum Song (It is by sheer coincidence that this song follows the above.) Really, it’s exactly what it says on the tin: The singer enjoys being a girl and what all it entails for her. She loves her feminine form, she loves the attention she gets, she loves dolling herself up, she loves frilly dresses, and she hopes to one day marry a guy who enjoys “having a girl like [her].” And honestly? Good on her! Love whatcha love, lovely! Seriously, though, it’s a cute song for anyone who just wants to indulge in some girliness.

“Chip on My Shoulder” - Legally Blonde Come on: It’s Legally Blonde. You know what this bop is, or at least have an idea of it. But since I love this song, I’ll indulge: Disheartened by her failure to both win back her ex and succeed in the fast-paced environment of Harvard, the normally bright-eyed Elle is ready to call it quits. That is, until junior partner Emmett gets involved. Unimpressed by her story, Emmett reveals that he got to where he was by busting his ass due to having a chip on his shoulder from his rough beginnings — and maybe a chip on the shoulder is exactly what Elle needs to survive. And as somebody driven by spite, I can appreciate that kind of message. Anywho, it all in all is a song about growth and learning how to be “driven as hell” to keep up with an opportunity that may not be easy to take, but is not one to be passed by.

“What Do I Need with Love?” - Thoroughly Modern Millie “What Do I Need with Love?” asks exactly that: He could date a different girl every night of the week if he so wanted, and never once had any desire to go steady before. He considers himself lucky to have never fallen for anyone -- until now. Which he’s not! He’s not in love. ...He totally is and, by his own admission, he’s got it bad it’s terribly adorable.

“Interlude IV” - Zach Callison The entire album is actually a narrative about a failed relationship of Callison’s and I’m sure the other songs are just as great fuel for animatics -- I’m just too caught up on listening to this one over and over. Sometimes, we just wanna listen to Steven Universe cuss and be openly furious. Seriously, though, even without the context of the rest of the story, you get the idea well enough: A spiteful Zach decides to get back at the one that broke his heart in such a painful way, whereas a well-meaning friend insists they just leave it be and move on. While this technically would be the better and healthier option, Zach is just too far gone with rage to let it go and decides to take care of things by himself.

“Evermore” - Beauty & the Beast Look, I know the remake wasn’t anything crazy. But also I don’t honestly care too terribly much. Besides, this song was nice and it really gets me after that key change. We all want a royal doofus to be enamored enough with us to let us go for our own happiness but still know that their life will forever be changed because they met us. Animate that shit. Over and over.

goddamn this list is long lemme just stop this now byyyyeeeee

[smolbeandrabbles]

Marshmallow World - Anders Harris x Reader (The Land of Steady Habits)

Holiday Fic Time! 🎅🎄

@wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​

GIF CREDIT: X

Author’s Note: I mean this is technically a Christmas movie anyway, right?  😉

Technically we don’t actually mention Christmas at all in this fic, but I mean... it is Festive Season related.

Honestly, this song is another google search for “songs involving Christmas candy” and like... yeah, this! Basically because my prompt from @sagitariusrising​ was ‘Do you really need all that candy?” (To which the answer is always yes, by the way.)

Thank you for requesting 💜💙

Disclaimer: TLoSH zip to do with me / not my gifs / not my lyrics 

Premise: It’s time for the winter markets and annual light switch on in your little town, and you clearly are a homing beacon for sweet things...

Words: 2635

Warnings: sexual innuendo / sexual connotations / it’s clearly a Christmas market and stuff I just tried to take the Christmas element out of it.

_____

It's a marshmallow world in the winter, When the snow comes to cover the ground. It's the time for play, it's a whipped cream day, I wait for it all year round!

Those are marshmallow clouds being friendly, In the arms of the evergreen trees; And the sun is red like a pumpkin's head, It's shining so your nose won't freeze!

The world is your snowball, see how it grows, That's how it goes, whenever it snows. The world is your snowball just for a song, Get out and roll it along!

It's a yum-yummy world made for sweethearts Take a walk with your favorite girl It's a sugar date, what if spring is late In winter it's a marshmallow world The world is your snowball, see how it grows, That's how it goes, whenever it snows. The world is your snowball just for a song, Get out and roll it along!

---

Today was the big annual light switch on in town, and for once there were no cars on the roads. Although that mostly had to do with the fact that instead of the main streets being open, they were covered market stalls and were bustling with people. It was known to be traditionally busy, and you’d stayed the night at Anders’ place - as he was closer - in order to get here early. Not that you did much sleeping. And you still had to set off before the sun came up because it wasn’t just your town that turned up here, and he wasn’t within walking distance of town. You had a nice secret weapon in Preston’s little apartment, which was situated centrally, near the main shopping street, and had spaces out the back. Not many in his block had cars, and he had enquired with his neighbours to secure one for the two of you. So you’d turned up to his place this morning and walked the rest of the way. Despite the lack of sleep - and you would certainly blame your boyfriend for that - you were all in very high spirits. It was chilly, but you were bundled up, and there was something about the cold today… Due to the excitement surrounding the market it just hit a little different. You expected more snow; it had already fallen pretty steadily all week and the weather seemed to suggest it would stay that way. Anders laced his fingers with yours, pulling you closer and drawing your hand into the pocket of his coat. You couldn’t help smiling, even though you weren’t looking at him, and you nudged into his arm playfully, causing him to chuckle.

Preston, who was walking in front of you, turned with a look of feigned disgust: “You two aren’t about to embarrass me again are you!?” “Oh my god, we haven’t even had breakfast and he’s started.” Anders muttered, before rolling his eyes, “No! Could you walk any slower?!” Preston scoffed, “I’m admiring the ambience. Taking in the silence before it gets too busy... Where do you wanna go for breakfast anyway? Geez, we coulda had some at mine. Woulda been cheaper.” “As if you’re paying!” You couldn’t help laughing at their bickering, some things never changed, and for that you were extremely grateful, “First off, it’s tradition-! And I’ll pay, let’s just get out of the cold for a minute…” You’d all been doing this for years - the market was a tradition in town after all - and it was never less exciting than previous iterations. For the past few years, however, you’d had the addition of your boyfriend and his son. There were a few stalls that had become staples, but there were a lot of independent ones that just kept being added to, and you always loved looking at these. A lot of your gifts had started to become more local and to your friends around the world these had become like gold dust. Each year you received multiple texts asking what it was going to be this time, and you always teased them all about it. Now you were with Anders this became even funnier - because stall hopping became a long string of gasps, before he shook his head at you, smiling, ‘Alright, who is this one perfect for!?’  Preston usually hung around with you both for about an hour or so before he graciously took his leave to wander alone. Sometimes you thought he was merely humouring you… sometimes you felt he actually wanted to hang out with you both. So whilst at breakfast you discussed what you were most looking forward to seeing, and what route you were going to take. With the market spread out over most of town you could start and finish the circuit virtually anywhere; and you liked doing different variations of your walk each year - and then revisited stalls where you’d need a little more time to think. 

*** 

Sometimes you thought Anders humoured you just as much as Preston did, because he didn’t ever do a lot of shopping here. Although you got the distinct feeling that he came down on another evening to do that - because occasionally you talked about things you liked and you ended up being gifted them. Sometimes you were surprised you hadn’t caught each other in the act, as this was something you did too. But you knew Anders would tell you otherwise; you thought that in reality he just enjoyed your company here and getting in the holiday spirit. After all, of the two of you, who was the one decorating their house to the nines? You always cackled when driving up, because you could literally see his house from blocks away; such a vibrant mass of colour down an otherwise dull street. No-one else made the effort that he did. 

This year Anders had hauled you over to help him put them all up (well, Preston was supposed to help too, but he spent most of it sitting around with a beer directing you) and you were in fits of laughter for the whole day. So once the whole damn thing was finally lit up at night, you almost felt sick from how much you were laughing. His son was laughing too, but you felt for different reasons. Anders didn’t really care, he was just happy that you were both joyful, and that things were looking festive. You’d helped him decorate the rest of the house too, and tried to reign him in to being at least a little tasteful about it. “Inside or outside, not both.” “Aw, c’mon Y/N, you gotta do it properly!” “Good god, what are you planning!?” Still, in the end you thought he’d managed it. In fact one of the main reasons that Anders’ house was a little more decorated than yours was the amount of time you were spending here. You’d invited him over for a date and he’d peered around, then looked at you with a frown that said you were insane. “You call this decorating!? This is so SAD!” You were almost tempted to agree with him… As predicted, Preston eventually moved further and further away from the two of you. However, this year you didn’t just let him go, and you and Anders looked to each other with identical smirks. “OI!” Preston stopped, shoulders moving in a cringe before he twisted back to you, “...Yeah?” “Not cool enough for you or something-!?” You had always prided yourself on being the cool one, so that tease was well landed when he practically grimaced. “If you wanna leave just say something!” Anders was a little louder about it and Preston turned red. “Oh my god - guys! What did I say!” He shuffled back over, trying to calm you both down. “Just ask to go!” “C’mon I’m not 12-! I’m not even 17! I have to ask!?” You peered around him, spying a few of his friends kicking around just up the street. That’s probably where he was heading. Anders folded his arms tilting his head, “You’re still my kid.” Preston took a deep breath and sighed, “I know…” That caused your partner to smile gently, “Go on, go enjoy yourself. Just don’t be a stranger okay?” “Okay…” Preston was a little bashful, but gave Anders a hug anyway, “See ya later, dad.” Anders blinked a couple of times but returned the hug gratefully, and you caught that smile of his you knew he’d likely be wearing all day. Preston offered you a hug too, which you gratefully accepted, “Go enjoy yourself with your friends!” “Yeah!” He laughed, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do-!” You gave him a look that might suggest you didn’t know what he was talking about, before Preston gave you a wink and waved you both off. You turned to Anders’ smile and couldn’t help beaming yourself: “If you could see that look on your face.” He laughed and as he looked to you, holding his hand out for yours again, that smile widened and Anders’ blue eyes glittered; “Oh… I know!” *** If there was one theme in all your purchasing this year, it could only have been candy. The food stalls were out of this world and you’d strategically come to them all at lunchtime. Unfortunately you were both eating and buying, and your sweet tooth had taken over. You were glad this was still going to be a good walk-! But the festive candy was just too cute to pass up - and it would be rude for you not to try some, especially when offered. Anders had resisted a little at first, but now was in full swing with you. And every time one of you commented that you were stuffed and probably couldn’t eat another bite, you came across yet another stall. At this point - unsurprisingly - you were on a sugar rush and Anders was groaning and trailing you. You hadn’t made him carry anything, at least he could be grateful for that - but he was pretty sure he knew exactly what you’d be eating over the festive period. “Do you really need all that candy?” At least he said it with a laugh. You turned to him eyes wide, “Uh, yeaaah--!” He looked amused and bit his lip like he was goading you into something but, standing and staring at you laden with bags full of nothing but candy, Anders couldn’t help it: “Oh my god, seriously, are you a child?” You knew exactly what he was saying but, instead of agreeing, you folded your arms and gave him exactly what he wanted: “Says YOU!” “Me?!” Anders placed a hand to his chest, and was smiling even though he was trying to look shocked, “Whatever could you mean-!?!” “It’s the Holiday season Anders! Everyone is entitled to act like a child!” He chuckled, walking towards you, “Exactly, so why are you complaining!?” “I’m not complaining - you’re complaining!” “Mmm…” He tipped his head gently with a squint, “I can complain about your candy consumption if you can complain about my decorating.” You gasped, “Always with the decorating!” “You started it!” The two of you kept staring each other down for a minute, until you realised that you were standing in the middle of the street arguing like children. Upon which you fell into peals of laughter. Eventually you both managed to calm down, and Anders wiped his eyes, taking deep breaths of cold air to stop his voice from wavering with laughter too much. “So, uh, kiss and make up?” You giggled, thinking you might have just graduated from children to teenagers: “I think…” You took a step forward to be nearly toe to toe with him, “that would be wise!” He wound his arms around you as you leaned up into him, your lips to his as you closed your eyes. Suddenly you were glad of all that candy, because it made him taste even sweeter. An amalgamation of sugars and chocolate coated his own familiar taste and you couldn’t help but groan into the kiss. You were surprised Anders didn’t snort at you just for that; but he squeezed you to him a little tighter.  You pulled back, eyes closed for a moment just to savour him, opening them again and breathing; “I think there’s sugar still on your lips, should I kiss it off?” Anders smirked as you clung on to his coat, “What, didn’t get enough of a sugar fix?” “From you?” You leant back up into him, smiling, “Hell no!” *** As the evening began to roll in, with renewed excitement in the air, the crowds were drawn further downtown to watch the lighting of the tree and the strings of lights running the length of main street and beyond. You of course had immediately spotted someone roasting marshmallows, and Anders only rolled his eyes. ‘Of course!’ Still at least they tasted good and were of the right consistency, as you pulled him through the crowds to get a good view. “Only you would be able to find another place selling sugary treats!” “I must be honed in!” You grinned. “A sugar radar. Sounds about right-!” You looked back to him with a smile, “I like sweet things. That’s why I’m with you. The radar didn’t lie-!” He couldn’t help turn a shade of pink at that, “Okay, you’ve definitely had too much!” Anders remained beside you and cuddled your body into his as you stood watching the MC do his best to warm up the crowd - for the most part everyone was in good spirits and it worked charmingly. In fact you didn’t think one person didn’t join in with yelling the count down. You’d both spotted Preston - still with his friends - and had waved over, but left him to hang with them. There was a gasp through the crowd and then a cheer as all the lights went on. You couldn’t help but also light up, feeling like a child again. There was just too much wonder and joy about this time of year not to. It always made you excited. Anders smirked, leaning into you, “Bet that’s not the only thing that gets turned on tonight…” You knew that he knew you wouldn’t be able to resist bantering back to his cheekiness: “Well, you can turn me on later.” There was a growl to his voice that proved his point: “Oh… I think I will.” You walked slowly through the streets admiring all the different collections in vibrant colours; there had been some new strings added and the town had clearly got very creative. You thought suddenly about making the trip into NYC to see all the lights there… although somehow you felt this could be better. Especially with the context. When the chill in the air began to settle in, you decided it was about time to call it a night. Finding Preston just to say goodnight and hug goodbye. Although you weren’t exactly hurrying back, despite your joking. And eventually white flakes began to fill the air. Anders paused and blinked before continuing the walk a little slower, watching it begin to stick to the ground. “Oh, what would you know, it’s snowing.” He commented, but realised you weren’t beside him anymore. You had stopped a little way down the street behind him, looking up in wonder at the sky as the flakes began to drift. He walked back to you, slipping his arms around your waist and rested his head on top of yours to watch them fall. “Snow always looks so pretty. And so soft when it’s settled...” “Not as pretty as you.” He mumbled, but smiled himself. “Okay, Mr. Smooth.” You chuckled, “I suppose you want to get me home?” He smirked, “Think that one is your prerogative. But I can certainly warm you up-” “Uh huh!” “-In the car on the way back.” You scoffed, taking his hand back in yours, although neither of you moved, “Maybe we can watch for a few more minutes…” “Then I’ll have to warm you up even more.” You could hear that smirk in his voice as you pushed your head back into his chest, and couldn’t help but smirk yourself. “I mean I really hope you do. First you gotta turn me on... like a Christmas light.” Anders scoffed, “Oh what, like that’s hard?” You bit back your immediate reaction, ‘what’s hard?’, but couldn’t help but snort; “Oh no, I’ve seen you with your own. I think you got this.” “Oh yeah.” He pulled away from you slightly to place a kiss to your neck that made you shiver, “I’m practically a pro.”

---

Thank you for requestingggg--!! Thank you for reading! 💕😘

[ahkaraii]

Belatedly answered ask responses

Thank you for anyone who has sent me stuff!! I LOVE reading them and I’m so sorry I’m awful at replying, but know that I love each and every one. Here’s my attempt to answer a whole lot :D

@doki-dream​ Thank you so much for enjoying my DBZ comics!! DBZ was my earliest “fandom”, as it were, from over twenty years ago, and it was so, so special to me as a wee child. I think it’s obvious how heavily I project onto Gohan, haha! But now that I’m an adult, it’s really fun to weave in all these ideas I had as a kiddo into a more seamless interpretation that works with the existing canon. I hope you continue to enjoy my interpretations  <3

@half-devil-in-red-leather​ Thank you so much for sticking around with me for so long!!  :D :D DMC still has a very dear place in my heart, and always will. As for Trunks and Gohan  -- they were my favourite characters, too!! Gohan moreso than Trunks in my case, but I’m awfully fond of all iterations of my purple-haired boy, and someday I’ll get around to drawing all of my Mirai!Trunks headcanons :) Trunks and Goten are fascinating to me as well, because they’re a Unit, yanno? In canon they were rarely seen without the other, and so their development as people is undoubtedly tied together, too. The differences between Mirai!Trunks and main-timeline!Trunks is FASCINATING, and speaks a lot to what are “core” characteristics of Trunks and what are things he’s adapted from his close peers over the years. Anyway, I love Trunks and Goten and Gotenks and rest assured I’ll be posting a lot more about them in the future.

@vejigante​ Unfortunately I still haven’t watched Dragon Ball Super beyond the two movies (Battle of Gods and Broly) so I’m preeetty much out of the loop as to who these guys are. Maybe someday :0

@katerchip​ :D :D :D =happy=

@yusuke96universe​ I don’t exactly take suggestions, mostly because I kinda draw whatever I feel like in any given moment, and drawing something based on someone else’s idea or suggestion is almost always stressful (”what if they don’t like my take” “what if I drew something they find gross” “what if what if what if” etc), but I can safely say I, uhhh, actually don’t know much about Tien??? I’ve skim read the original Dragon Ball manga, but I never watched the original Dragon Ball anime, so Tien is one of those side characters I don’t have a very good grasp on, or, frankly, much interest in. Maybe someday!

@shika-boom​ Fugaku and Shikaku were not friends, per say, but they were always peripherally aware of each other. They’re both clan heirs, for one, so you gotta know who’s who. Shikaku has always been a nosy nin who collects secrets, while Fugaku’s shameful secrets have always been painfully on display, so it’s not like they didn’t butt heads now and again growing up. I talk a little more about the topic here (x).

@darkblades75​ Thank you!! You can read the manga online here (x).

@hydrabellwolf​ Raditz is an interesting character I’m still getting a handle of, in my own interpretation, but I think he essentially has little to no attachment to his birth family and as a kid he probably thought Goku was pampered trash because Gine kept his pod at home. I don’t think Raditz ever made the connection that Gine sent Goku out to save him from the massacre, so I don’t think Raditz realized Gine “spared” Goku and didn’t think about him (Raditz).

Afterward, he only ever remembers Goku might still exist when he realizes he needs someone he can ally with against Nappa and Vegeta (after establishing he’s Alpha Dog, hence him stealing Gohan and talk-posturing at Goku instead of properly fighting from the start), so it’s not so much familial piety as it is convenience because he’s outnumbered and outgunned and outbullied by the only couple other Saiyan survivors.

@wardstoneus That’s a story for another day, and details I probably won’t get super into because I’ve learned my lesson about delving into unnecessarily dark themes in an ambiguously exploitative way. But, yeah, I have lots of Thoughts about Raditz’s distinctive hairline and how that looks more like Vegeta than it does Bardock, and how exactly that could’ve gone about.

It was not a consensual thing :/ Gine had a rough life, and not just because she was weak and also not very Saiyan like. Bardock married her to protect her after she was pregnant, and he got demoted to low class because of it. (That’s how I explain to myself how Bardock was apparently super fucking strong and yet inexplicably deemed low class).

@loyaltykask​ Tbh the only other Sakumo ship I find mildly interesting is Sakumo/Tsunade (you can kinda tell why I drew them together in the Five comic in the first place xDD), but, naturally, my take on Sakumo and the Sakumo that gets shipped with Orochimaru in fandom are very different characters with very different pasts that made them that way :’D So if I separate my take and just take fanon Sakumo as it is, there’s lots of interesting fics with him and Orochimaru and such. I don’t tend to read them though, because Orochomaru is never in character (as I interpret him, anyway), and that can be tiring XD

@pretty-rage-machine​ Thank you!!! I’m sorry (not sorry) that I jump around fandoms so much, my creative brain is stupid and it latches onto new things every 2-6 months without control and I’ve learned to just go with the flow, it allows me to create faster and better works if I let myself explore whatever topic has captured my interest at any given moment instead of forcing it to stick to one thing. Luckily, I am not a professional artist; if you are, don’t do this xDDD Maintaining discipline and motivation beyond personal whim is important in any job!!

That being said, yay!! I’m glad you like my stuff regardless of how much knowledge you have of the canon I’m messing with. Hearing my characterizations are grounded and relatable makes me happy <3<3

@poly-hebdo​ Thank you!!! :D :D Once again, I apologize for jumping fandoms like the attention deficit fella I am, but I’m glad you’re still digging my works regardless of the fandom!

@jkl-fff​ Ahh thank you, friend!! (Side note reply: I watched DBZ:A yeeears ago, and I have to rewatch it again STAT because I actually have gotten mentioned by MasakoX (voice of gohan and goku in DBZA) a couple of times now, once in one of his videos and twice on his twitter feed, so I’m like HOLY SHIIIIT!!!! because that’s some Senpai-Noticed-Me shit and eeeeeeek).

It may be obvious by now but I HEAVILY project onto Gohan, he was basically my mental self-insert as a wee lad, so my characterization of him is heavily tinged by that selfish nostalgia; part of the reason I’ve been drawing these comics is to seamlessly integrate that mental image of Gohan I have living in my brain to the actual existing canon, to make him a plausible version of Gohan that can exist between the pages. From that, a fascinating little narrative has been born and I’ve been having fun detailing out the characters that exist around the Gohan I’ve created :D Thank you for enjoying my hot take on it!!

And YES LAWD I am all for bisexual Gohan, he and Dende were totally a cute first romance thing as teenagers, though naturally it had to come to an end as they moved on with their lives -- Dende to proper ascetic Godhood, and Gohan to a more normal human highschool life. Maybe someday I’ll get into the nuanced complexities of that, though I probably won’t post it to twitter, where the audience there seems to crave more canon straight stuff than any wistful doomed gay sideplots (that seems more a Tumblr thing). Ahhhh so many ideas, so little time XDD

[heartslogos]

newfragile yellows [953]

“I think that there are some people who are just meant to be together. Like. In every iteration of the universe, somehow, someway, Ellana Lavellan and the Iron Bull will cross paths, and they will — make no mistake — find some way to continue crossing paths and inevitably become hooked on each other’s existences. That’s really the only thing I can say here. Somewhere, some kind of god or power that be looked down on the planet, saw these two, and went, ‘those two? Absolutely must be put together’. Like salt and pepper, oil and fire, Orlesians and complications, Fereldans and dogs, Free Marchers and arguing. It just is.”

“That’s very touching, Maxwell. Thank you,” Ellana says. “But I feel as though you’re saying this in order to preface something incredibly pessimistic. Are you? You could just stop there, you know.”

“I know. But I’m not going to.” Max continues, “Because when the two of you do part ways the universe gets mad and does it's best to shove you two back together again, even if you two are only going apart temporarily for legitimate reasons. Like right now. When the Iron Bull was supposed to be holding things down at Adamant. Which is, quite notably, on the other side of Orlais. Now, how do you figure he’s gotten all the way here just in time to help us in the middle of Denerim of all places?”

“The power of love?” Ellana says. “Or maybe Evelyn had him come over because she had a premonition.”

“My cousin does not have premonitions. Do not even think about ascribing such a power to her, Ellana. Do you think we’d be in this mess if Evelyn had premonitions? At best she has a faint tingle of self preservation but it’s completely run down and pushed aside by her overwhelmingly staunch sense of justice and unyielding morals. If there’s anyone in the world I would trust to march right up to the Maker and pass Him a list of everything he’s done wrong it would by my cousin. Don’t get me wrong, she’d feel conflicted about it and all. But ultimately if she sees no one else doing it, good lord, she’d be the one to do it and she’d even have it annotated.”

“You put your cousin in such high regard, Max.”

“I refuse to believe that there isn’t a single Trevelyan worth listening to. It’s got to be Evelyn.”

“And not you?”

Max throws his head back, laughing brightly as he claps his hands together. Ellana pinches Max’s side.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”

“Then you have a glorious talent,” Max replies. “Enough about me. Can we focus on how the Iron Bull is somehow here, instead of across the extreme edges of the map, and somehow found us when our own assigned team of soldiers, scouts, and various sundry aides hasn’t yet?”

“Well. He’s the Iron Bull, Max. He’s very clever,” Ellana says, sounding extremely serene and coherent for someone who’s been dosed with a truly troubling amount of magebane. “Max, do you think you can choke on your vomit if you’re upside down?”

“Ellana, I can assure you I haven’t the slightest idea. Frankly, I don’t know how we’re having this conversation whilst maintaining our composure. I think it’s the ludicrous appearance of your beau that’s finally snapped my sanity. I should be worrying. I should be attempting to get out of these ropes so I can get you out of your ropes and then rush you to a healer before you possibly die. And yet? Here we are. Strung up like hams from the ceiling, watching the Iron Bull — who I’m still not convinced isn’t a hallucination — absolutely demolish our captors with his crew.”

“Well we can’t both be hallucinating the Iron Bull. And if we were that would be saying something. I know why I would hallucinate the Iron Bull, why would you be hallucinating him?”

“Haven’t the slightest idea. Maybe we were both drugged and this is an elaborate illusion created by demons or some such creature.”

“This isn’t usually what demons show me when they’re trying to mess with me,” Ellana replies. “Seriously. If I throw up whilst we’re strung up like this do you think I’ll choke?”

“I seriously don’t know, really. I can promise you I’ve not had this experience before.”

Ellana hums. “If I throw up do you think it’d help get the magebane out of me? Or has it already worked its way into my system, do you think?”

“Ellana, I’m not a physician or a healer or an apothecary or a barber. I haven’t the faintest hint of an idea, I promise you. Now, if I were capable of drawing in enough breath to yell I would. But I can’t because they truly tied me up tight and every time I breath I can feel something grinding in my ribs.”

“That’s awful,” Ellana replies. “I think I’m losing my vision.”

“Well. That’s a sign that the magebane has most certainly gotten to you, hasn’t it? Are you capable of yelling to attract their attention and letting them know we’re in most dire straights?”

“Sure,” Ellana replies. “I’ll give it a shot. What should I start with, you think? That I’ve been poisoned and am slowly losing consciousness, you’ve got broken ribs and might cease being able to breathe pretty soon, or the fact that they’re fighting near several flammable items?”

“Oh, surely a woman of your talent can manage to fit in all of the above in one go. But if you can’t I think you ought to start with the last one.”

“Fair enough. You know Max, it might be because of the extremely powerful poison that I’ve been made to ingest that’s draining my magic and my wellbeing, but I think you are a wonderful person to have in a crisis. You’re thinking very clearly and you’re thinking for two.”

“Thank you. Please start yelling because I felt something inside of me shift in a way it definitely shouldn’t and I’m very concerned.”

“Right-o.” Ellana sucks in a breath. “There’s explosives in the crates behind you!”

“Well done. Now maybe the poison bit next.”

“You sure not your thing?”

“Positive.”

“They’ve got mage bane! And so do I! Cut us down quick, Max’s got something wrong too. We’re not exactly sure.” Ellana sighs. “Max.”

“Yes, Ellana?”

“I feel incredibly tired from that yelling. Be a dear and wake me up once it’s all over, will you? I’m just going to close eyes for a moment. I hope that when I open them again I’m in the Iron Bull’s arms and he’s looking extremely cross at me for getting into trouble.”

[starlene]

Disney musical Frollo and religious imagery: a comparison

So Frollo and the Catholic church, am I right! Thought to write some analysis about religious symbolism in Frollo’s scenes in the Finnish and Danish productions of The Hunchback of Notre Dame the musical.

If that doesn’t sound interesting to you, I truly don’t know what will, so here we go.

First things first: Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame, in its every iteration, dances around the fact that Frollo is a Catholic priest. In the movie and the 1999 German edition of the musical, he is a judge (though, uh, a heavily priest-coded one) – but even in the 2015 version of the musical, they avoid the fact as much as possible.

Of course, the framework is there, he wears the robes and preaches and teaches Quasimodo about the saints, but they carefully avoid mentioning what it means to him. Compare this to Notre Dame de Paris the musical: there, Frollo has a song all about how being in love lust conflicts with his identity as a priest. In the Disney musical... well, us in the audience know what being a Catholic priest means when it comes to your sex life, but the musical does not say it out loud.

Of course, being a priest is more than just being celibate and wearing a robe, there's also the spiritual aspect. This, unsurprisingly, is another thing the Disney musical avoids dealing with. For the most part, Frollo's faith seems rather impersonal, being an archdeacon mostly seems like a source of authority and power for him. Are they trying to make a point here – or might it be because discussing religion in depth is a taboo in Disney Universe, even when one of your main characters is a priest?

Hellfire is practically the only point in the musical's libretto where either of these issues are delved into. It's written for the judge iteration of the character though, so it centers around Frollo seeing himself as a generally upstanding dude and trying to pray the unwanted feelings away. Later on, in Esmeralda's prison cell, Frollo admits he's realised he's "truly human". And that's it!

The musical does not say it out loud, but we have to assume the vow of celibacy Frollo took when he was ordained a priest is giving him a lot of trouble, identity-wise and when it comes to his conscience, even if the biggest issue is Esmeralda not giving in to his advances.

We also have to assume Frollo's faith is genuine, though rather dark and warped – Hellfire after all starts out as an earnest prayer to the Virgin Mary, it just turns pretty weird pretty fast. He is alone with his thoughts there, and if his faith wasn't genuine, why would he be praying with such conviction to begin with? (Compare his furor with Esmeralda's more agnostic approach, starting her prayer doubting if there even is anyone listening to her.)

So how do different productions of the musical deal with the religious aspect of the character?

First, let's take a look at the Finnish production of the musical. (Director: Georg Malvius, Frollo: Ilkka Hämäläinen, theatre: Tampereen Teatteri)

In this production, the added religious imagery is focused on Hellfire.

Frollo enters the scene carrying a huge cross, almost large enough to be used as an actual instrument of torture. The scene is super obviously reminiscent of Christ carrying the cross to his own crucifixion. Halfway through the song, Frollo puts the cross down, kneels on top of it, strips down and then it's self-flagellation time until the song is over.

There is a lot to unpack here and I truly feel like throwing away the whole suitcase, but let's give it a try.

The way I interpret this is that here, we're being told that Frollo believes his suffering is equal to that of Jesus Christ himself. The lyrics of Hellfire tell us Frollo has a very high view of himself, and the visual boosts that to the umpth degree – he sees himself as the ultimate victim, Esmeralda not putting out as the ultimate tragedy, this temptation the most impossible one to resist, even for someone so virtuous as Jesus Christ Claude Frollo. It's not my fault / If in God's plan / He made the devil so much stronger than a man.

And then, Frollo starts self-flagellating. Flagellation of Christ, or..?

If we're being generous, sure, it was a genuine act of penance back in Frollo's day, it could be referring to that – but we're 21st century people watching this, and I'll be damned if every single person seeing this doesn't feel there's something sexual going on. Musical buffs are immediately reminded of Judge Turpin's Johanna, and the rest… come on, it's an S&M thing, there is really no other way to interpret it when he's singing about his forbidden lust while he's whipping away.

In short, the visuals here reflect Frollo's inner conflict rather literally, mixing religious, violent and sexual visuals with each other.

I see where they're coming from and it fits their interpretation of Frollo as a thoroughly gross villain, the Weinstein of 15th century Paris… But personally, I hate this. Even with those layers of symbolism, it's way too literal, way too much. Sometimes less is more, you know?

But how about the Danish production, then? (Director: Thomas Agerholm, Frollo: Mads M. Nielsen, theatre: Fredericia Teater)

There, Hellfire features some religious imagery with an effigy of the Virgin Mary being paraded around in the beginning and a dream Esmeralda dancing around Frollo later on, so the two are sorta contrasted, but I think the most interesting moment that underlines Frollo's personal faith comes later. I'm going to focus on that.

Frollo wears a cross necklace in every scene, but when he enters Esmeralda's prison cell in the 2nd act to plead for sex, he takes it off and leaves it outside the prison door.

To me, that little detail says two big things:

1) Frollo's faith in God is indeed genuine.

He's been doing many awful things, but he hasn't renounced God. Even this far into his descent into madness/depravity, he is self-aware enough that he knows what he is doing is against the teachings of the church and, thus, against God’s will.

He knows what he wants to do with Esmeralda and decides not to desecrate the cross by having it with him. Interestingly, this is where he draws the line: he believes burning people alive is more okay in the eyes of God than having his way with a woman (by force or otherwise).

2) The moment symbolises Frollo leaving the holy part of himself behind and entering the dungeon as a man instead of a priest.

There have always been corrupt priests who have mistresses left and right and don’t care about the rules of the church, heck, there have been popes with children – and this little detail tells us that Frollo’s tragedy is about him not being able to be like that.

Frollo is very hard on everybody, himself included. He tries to live by every rule, even if certain rules are not suited for him at all. His thinking is so obsessive and black-and-white that even at this point, he cannot reconcile the holy part of himself with the human part. The two cannot be the same since they want such different things, so he has to separate the two and leave the former outside to finally give the latter free reign to meet Esmeralda.

All this in such a small detail. Less is more, indeed.

Thank you for reading! Next up, if I feel so inclined: all that musical Javert and Disney musical Frollo have in common.

[current-mcr-news]

Off The Seton Path with Frank Iero: Full Transcription

Listen to the full podcast HERE

Brendon: Are you rolling?

Seton: Am I? I am! Yeah. Hey, Brendon, what's up?

B: Hi, Seton, how are you?

S: Great, great. And to you listening, welcome to Off The Seton Path. This is a podcast-

B: It is a podcast and it is 2019.

S: -that you've downloaded. Yeah, is this the first one of 2019?

B: This is the first one of 2019.

S: Yeah. How about that? And it's a good one. This is a banger, as they say.

B: This is definitely a banger. We don't even have to talk during this one. Well, you talk during this one, a whole lot.

S: Yeah. Yeah, I do talk, probably too much.

B: Well.

S: But that's-

B: I'll leave that up to the viewer.

S: Yeah, or listener, in this medium.

B: Your perspective.

S: Yeah. We have a really great interview here. Well, I think it's great because he was awesome. Frank Iero, he was in the band- he was the guitar player for My Chemical Romance, and then he's got other side projects, like Leathermouth was one, which was a really cool band, you should check them out. Frank Iero and the Patience, and there's a couple of other iterations of that band, of his solo stuff, but he is a really nice guy. Super cool guy. I met him last summer, actually, at a concert, and he was awesome. He was just a super nice guy, and I figured why not give him a call, see if he'd do an interview. He drove into New York City, which was really thoughtful of him. And- well, I don't know if it was thoughtful, but he drove into New York City from New Jersey, which was awesome, and we sat down at a place called The Ear Inn, which is-

B: Haunted.

S: -one of the oldest bars in New York City, and it's also supposed to be super haunted, which I thought, "How perfect for a guy like Frank Iero, who seems to be into that kind of that thing. He's got that sort of dark thing going on."

B: Black Parade, right?

S: Yeah, that was-

B: That's all there. I thought he was a wicked cool dude. First thing he did when we got in there, he was like, "I'm gonna go get a beer." And I have a camera on my shoulder, he's like, "Hey, do you want a beer?" And I was like, "Alright, this guy's good."

S: Yeah, he gets it.

B: This guy's good people.

S: Yeah. So anyway, I won't talk too much more about that, and I'll just let you get to the interview, but we do get into all of his solo stuff. He's got a podcast now that I think he's pretty pumped about. We talk a lot about ghosts, and we get into some stuff with My Chemical Romance, including the possibility of a reunion... I'm just gonna leave it out there. We do talk about that, despite the fact that I don't really think Frank wanted to.

B: Nope. You did the classic good interview. You were like, "I gotta ask."

S: Yeah. "I gotta ask you about this." So, he was gracious enough to let me ask that question, but anyway, enough talking. Here is an interview with Frank Iero. Enjoy.

S: Alright. So, I chose The Ear Inn to do this because it was built in the 18th century. Supposed to be super haunted, is what I hear.

Frank: I heard that there would be drinks and ghosts, and I was- you had me at both of those.

S: Right, yeah, those are- and actually the ghost, okay, so this place is supposed to be haunted by a ghost named Mickey. He was a drunken sailor-

F: Really?

S: Which, if you're gonna be haunted by somebody, it might as well be a drunken sailor.

F: See, I had questions about this. Like, ghosts- do they follow the same life that they had? Like, if you were drunk in life, do you stay drunk as a ghost? Or do you like, are you constantly looking for your next drink? Are you upset that you can't have one?

S: Well, so the legend has it that he- there's two ways that they think Mickey might've died. Either he drank himself to death sitting in one of these stools. Or he was hammered, walked outside, and got hit by a car.

F: Oh.

S: Either way, he supposedly- what happens to people here is they get their drink and sit down at the table, and by the time they get down at the table, their drink is gone.

F: No!

S: So, he'll drink your beer or whatever you're drinking.

F: What a shitty ghost! Sorry, I can't say that, right?

S: No, that's alright. You're okay. But yeah, the other thing they say, too, is that there's apartments up here, and occasionally, Mickey climbs into bed with some people, which is awkward.

F: Whoa.

S: I'd rather have him drink my beer, because if I'm sleeping, I don't wanna be disturbed.

F: Right, yeah. Is that how the statement "slipping a mickey," is that how that came about?

S: I don't know, it could be.

F: Alright.

S: That's wild.

F: That's strange.

S: So, you believe in ghosts? Or do you, I should say?

F: I would love to. I want so bad to believe in ghosts, or just the fact that there's something else. You know? I think that's what's so appealing about that, is that if there are ghosts involved in our lives, then that means that this isn't the only thing, you know? That there is something other than just darkness at the end of it.

S: So, I have a theory.

F: Go ahead.

S: This is what actually made me believe in ghosts, officially, 100%.

F: Okay, please.

S: A dog whistle.

F: Okay.

S: So, you know a dog whistle, right? You blow on it, and your dogs can hear it, but humans can't detect it because it's at a different frequency that, you know, our ears, for the most part, aren't picking it up, but for them, it's super loud. So, that got me thinking of the sounds out there that are happening that I can't hear because they're just at a different frequency. Why wouldn't there be other beings around that my senses just aren't picking up?

F: Different planes.

S: But for other people, or for other beings like dogs, they always say dogs can see ghosts.

F: Right.

S: I think dogs really have- are the answer.

F: You think that's the tie?

S: I do.

F: Alright. So, do you think all ghosts talk in a really high voice? That's the issue?

S: It's possible. It's possible. Yeah.

F: Maybe that's the- I don't know. Here's my question, right. Is that- where do you draw the line? Like, who gets to be a ghost, and why? And if everyone gets to be a ghost, then it has to be so crowded in that ethereal plane, you know? And then also, like, if that's happening, then there's gotta be ghosts that other ghosts really don't like, and they have to like- there's probably like gangs of ghosts, that are fighting.

S: There might be some kind of turf?

F: I would think, yeah.

S: Whereas, now, Mickey doesn't sound like all that tough of a guy. Why does he get to own The Ear Inn?

F: Yeah, like, that's the thing. He can't be the only one that died in the vicinity of The Ear Inn.

S: There was another place around the corner called The Death House that I thought was-

F: Oh, well, that sounds so much more badass.

S: That sounds really interesting, but I feel like I don't wanna put myself in those situations. I've never done a Ouija board.

F: I've done that.

S: Have you?

F: I've done that at a haunted hotel.

S: Get outta here!

F: Yeah.

S: What happened?

F: Well, I think somebody was pushing it.

S: You do?

F: Yeah. I think in order for those things to work, you have to do it with an asshole. Like, that's the only way it's really gonna be any fun, is like, somebody's gotta-

S: Like, "You be the guy."

F: Yeah, you have to, you know?

S: So, you're a skeptic?

F: I don't know if I'm so much a skeptic. It's just that I feel like a lot of things are easily explained, and that's unfortunate, you know what I mean? I wish that it was like, "Oh my god! The beer's not here anymore!" It's like, well, either somebody drank it or it spilled out.

S: Like, maybe a bartender messed with somebody or something.

F: I would be upset, though, if this wasn't' there anymore, so I get that.

S: I have had a history of thinking that I had a full beer, and then it was gone, and being like, "Well, that was weird. How did that happen?"

F: That's happened, yes. I have been haunted in the past.

S: "Better get another one." Apparently, I'm being haunted in bars all over the country.

F: Exactly. That was the interesting thing to me was like, we're going to a haunted bar. I was like, "Wow, usually I'm just haunted by the mistakes I've made being at a bar. Whereas, an actual spirit is going to come, like, that's where I wanna be."

S: Right, yeah. Like, "This is not my mistakes here."

F: Right, yeah yeah.

S: "That is causing me all this awful guilt." When you are travelling on the road, do you get to be a tourist? Or is it too busy?

F: I try to. I feel like in my younger days, I didn't. I really despised the travel so much that I let it affect how I toured, and it was like, "Oh no, I'm just gonna- just to the shows, and I don't even wanna see anything else. I don't wanna be here." And nowadays, I love going to new places that I've never been before, or even places that I've been a hundred times, but I haven't seen everything. I feel like, maybe I'm a little bit more relaxed in that setting of being a tourist. Of being out and experiencing things and not letting it, kind of, affect my show later on. I feel like it actually enhances the show later on, so, I'm into it if I have the time. But that's the hard part, man. Like, when you're on tour, the one thing you have is a lot of time, but it's a lot of hurry up and wait, you know? So, you're kind of on someone else's schedule at all times. You know? Waiting for soundchecks, or doing press, or you know, whatever it may be.

S: So, you've been in- you've played massive places like, you know, Reading and Leeds, headlined that, which is crazy. Brian May comes out, like, oh my god! And then you played, you know, you started small.

F: Played places like The Ear Inn.

S: You played places like here, too. Is it just as busy either- the bigger the venue, the more busy you get?

F: It is. It's kinda the same, you know? It depends. Festivals are just always hectic, and there's an added sense of dread, I feel like, with a festival, because you're dealing with a lot of- no soundcheck, getting up on the stage where a sound guy or monitor guy, just doesn't wanna deal with your shit. Basically, he's like, "I've done this 16 times today, I'm gonna do it 60 times more, and I have a whole weekend of it. Just get up there and play it." So, that's a little rough. Things are usually broken by the time you get up there and play, and those kinds of pitfalls. But you know, regular venue type stuff, like, it has its own issues, you know? But, yeah, the stress is always there, and there's something- will always go wrong that will be a constant succubus of time.

S: Yeah, right right. I saw Jawbreaker in Chicago for Riot Fest, and as soon as they come out, they opened it with Boxcar, which is like the song everybody knows. The place goes bonkers. And Blake, the lead singer and guitar player, steps on his pedal, and it doesn't work. It's like, "This is our big return in front of this massive audience," and he was like- you could see him looking over at the bass player like, "Isn't this so typically us?"

F: That's typically everybody. Yeah, it has to go like that, you know? And it's not a matter of will it happen? It's just a matter of when. When's it gonna go wrong?

S: It's more about how you react to it happening, because you know it's gonna happen.

F: Yeah, you'd like to think that no one else knows, but everybody knows. You know what I mean? Everybody knows that it's happening.

S: You're like, "Oh, dear."

F: There's definitely been times where, like- and it's usually when you plan out this huge entrance into something, or like, you know, like, "Oh, we're really gonna psyche the crowd up by like- we're gonna have the curtains open and we're gonna go 1 2 3 and right into it!" And that's when the kick drum pedal will break, or something of that nature. You count into silence, basically. It's like, "Alright." Takes you down a couple of notches.

S: When we talk about, in sports, we talk a lot about places like Fenway Park, and the ghosts of the people that have played there before, like Babe Ruth played there, and all these- Ted Williams and all that. When you play a venue, a famous venue, do you feel that? It might not be ghosts, necessarily, but that sense of history of, "Whoa, we're playing this place right now."

F: There's definitely, yeah. There's definitely moments like that. It's funny. I recently went to go see the Queen movie, right? And for the first half, I was like, "This is a dramatization, I don't know if I like this," and then the last 20 minutes are basically centralized around their triumphant show at Live Aid at Wembley Stadium.

S: Yeah, iconic performance.

F: Iconic, yeah. And I feel like, you don't really get to see that a lot in like, you know, movies about music, or musicians, where they really- you go through every song. Like, 5, 6 songs, 20 minutes of them performing or lip syncing, rather, you know, performing this. Like, that's crazy. And I started to think to myself, I've had shows where I've played them and been like, "This is a show I'm going to remember for the rest of my life." And you're like, "Wow, that's really awesome." But I've also played Wembley Stadium opening up for Muse one time, and I remember thinking to myself, "This isn't going well."

S: Oh no.

F: So, I got to watch that movie with people playing that venue with a triumphant gig,  and you're like, "Oh, I know what that's like, but not there." So, I just hope that my movie doesn't end with my set there. Hopefully, it's somewhere else.

S: You know, you don't think- you just think of being in the moment and then- how do you get a sense of when a show is going the wrong way?

F: Oh, you know.

S: Just the crowd, or is it you, or is it-?

F: Depends on the instance, you know what I mean? I've definitely had some moments where I'm like, "Oh man, this might be the last time anyone ever lets me get up the stage." You know what I mean? So, those where everything you tried just goes wrong, that's never fun. I feel like, the music business or the music industry is rough, because you can go to school, you can go to college, you can get a degree, and you can- say you pass the bar, you'll be a lawyer. Unless you do something really fucked up, you're always gonna be a lawyer, nobody's gonna take that away from you. But as a musician or as an artist, you're only as good as the last thing that you did. You can make, you know, a beautiful piece of art, or like 3 records that are great, but if your last record sucks, or the last couple of shows suck, people are gonna be like, "That guy's a has-been." You know what I mean? So, it's kinda rough. You're always trying to keep that bar high, and that's why when you have a really bad show, you start to really beat yourself up.

S: You're like, "When's the next time I'm gonna be in this city to make this right? When's the next time I'm gonna be in Boston, because I gotta-"

F: "Can't wait for no one to show up."

S: Yeah. All of the sudden, your merch sales just dipped.

F: There you go.

S: "Great, blew it."

F: That's, I think, part of- you don't get into this business because you're confident. Like, you get into this business because you hate yourself on such a pure level, you want something that you can beat yourself up with every night.

S: You need to punish yourself onstage, nightly.

F: Oh definitely. It's like a flogging. It's a lot like drunk Mickey.

S: Yes, right. Yeah. And occasionally, we all go down that same way, you know. Aside from the haunted hotel Ouija board, what's the scariest place you've been? Is there a place that's been super creepy that you're like, "Dang, I don't know if I'm cool with this?"

F: That's a really good question. Especially in My Chem, we would search those types of places out, like, "We've heard this hotel is haunted, or we've heard that this venue is haunted," we'd wanna take a tour. And there was one night where- there's a venue in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Eagle Ballroom, or the Aragon- I think it's called The Eagle Ballroom. Actually, where it's located is- the venue is here, and it's down the block from the McDonald's where Jeffrey Dahmer used to pick up all his victims. So, it's already got a weird feeling around it. And deep down in the bowels of that venue, there's an old sports club. There's a huge Olympic sized swimming pool, and locker rooms, and all these different things. And so, we would take tours of it, and I remember one time in particular. I've been there a couple of times. One time in particular, after the show, it was late, and they had this, you know, like shower rooms, and backstage rooms down there. And I went to- I was gonna go take a shower and then go back to the bus after the night was over. And I remember hearing, not a commotion, like, what sounded to me like kids running around, laughing, and just like, you know, doing whatever. And I thought to myself, "Alright well, must be cleaning crew or something, brought their kids." Something is weird. And so, like, looked outside, didn't see anybody. And where that shower room is, is next to the Olympic swimming pool that's now closed, and you can kinda go underneath it and check things out, it's really creepy. But I've never seen anything there. And so, looked out there, was nothing. I was like, "This is weird." I ended up taking a shower, blah blah, you know, heard chattering one more time, but couldn't find anybody. Later on, went back to the bus, like, "Yeah, I keep hearing like, kids or something." They're like- you know, I spoke to somebody at the venue, and they said nobody was ever- no kids were there, but in that swimming pool, there was a drowning at one time. So, I don't know. I just got chills all of a sudden, while I was saying that.

S: Yeah, dude, that's what I'm saying! A draft just blew in or something.

F: It's weird, but then again, I don't know, maybe it was a high pitched cleaning crew.

S: You don't know, you have no idea. That's super creepy.

F: It's weird.

S: But there's something great about being scared in that thrilling way. Not scared in a real life or death way, but in a like, "Whoa, what's- this is kinda weird." There's something about that rush.

F: It's unsettling, yeah. I do enjoy that. I really enjoyed it until my children got old enough to realize that scaring people is funny. And my daughters, especially my daughter Cherry, she's 8 years old now, but she loves to scare people. And she'll like hide behind doors and jump out at you, and I'm now at an age where I think I might have a heart attack at some point. Now, I really hate it.

S: "I've survived rock and roll, I need to survive my 8 year olds."

F: Survived the troupe of ghost children at The Eagle Ballroom, now I come home and die trying to put you to bed.

S: The kids are at an age where Halloween is like, prime time. I know in my house, with my son, it's like Halloween is a big deal.

F: They love it, yeah.

S: Do you go big?

F: I do. It's actually my birthday, too.

S: Oh, no kidding.

F: Yeah, so.

S: Oh, cool.

F: That's my favorite holiday, and my kids have actually now adopted it as their favorite holiday, too. I keep saying, "Isn't it so much better than Christmas? Especially when you get Dad something really good for it?"

S: "Everybody dresses up for my birthday, that's how good this is."

F: Exactly, we all celebrate. But yeah, no, it's a big deal at our house.

S: Do you have a best costume?

F: I mean, I'm not trying to brag, but I'm pretty good at the costuming. I've perfected it over the years. I had a slump when I was young, about 3 or 4 years where I was just Freddy Krueger. I had the same costume for 3 or 4 years. And then, somebody woke me up a bit, and then I started to get a little bit more inventive with things. This past year, I actually had a working birthday. I had a working holiday, so I did have a costume in mind, but I didn't get to dress up, which was really depressing for me. But last year, I was Don Mattingly, and I really pulled it off, really well. I was Donnie Baseball. And the year before that I was Sadness.

S: Do you go 'stache?

F: No, I didn't. I did 'stache, and then I did the party in the back.

S: Yeah, great, that's awesome. Donnie Baseball is a legend.

F: Yes, absolutely. Especially around here.

S: Oh yeah, you're right in it for sure. Did you record an album in a mansion in LA?

F: Yes, kind of.

S: It sounds creepy as hell to me.

F: Yes, it was. That actually was supposedly haunted as well. I heard things- alright, so, I'll move backwards. So, what we did was we lived in, and wrote the record, in the Paramour House in LA. It's up in the hills somewhere. And it's basically, yeah, like a haunted mansion. We did some recordings there, but none that made it to the actual record. The record that we were making at the time was called The Black Parade. Where I lived was, there was the main house, was say like, kinda long like this way, and then there was a pool outside, and there was, like, a spire that you kinda do like a circular stairway up to, and that's where I stayed. In that room-

S: Which isn't creepy. Not at all. "I slept up here in this perched thing."

F: I was perched in the spire!

S: You're like, "That's the one I want."

F: Yeah, exactly. I guess, yeah, I was really looking for an experience, you know. But the story goes that Merle Haggard stayed in that room at some point, and met, what he claimed to be, a ghost. And it was a lady ghost, and apparently he wrote- whenever he wrote songs up in that room, in the spire room, she would come and visit him and they would harmonies together. And so, that was my room. I never saw anybody, but I did hear things in the walls, which I kind of assumed were raccoons. But maybe it was lady raccoons that had a really good voice. I don't know!

S: There could be a lot of things creaking, or I don't know.

F: Could've been Merle. I don't know!

S: Right, right. Which could explain why the record did so well, too, I mean, you've got other forces getting in.

F: This is possible. There were a lot of forces. See, I was not the only one that had an experience though, in that house. I know Mikey and Gerard- Mikey had a room that he refused to sleep in, and he actually ended up sleeping on Gerard's floor for a long time. We were in that house for months, and no one really had a great time. I don't know.

S: That's awesome.

F: Yeah. It was a cool experience, though.

S: That feels like a whole other different- I mean, things happened for My Chem pretty quickly, it seems like. In the span of a few years, it went from like, 0 to 100.

F: Yeah, and in the very beginning it was pretty- yeah.

S: That's a lot different than, like-

F: Pretty intense.

S: -getting some studio time and going to cut an album as quick as you can, versus, "Alright, we're gonna take up this house."

F: Yeah, well-

S: "Move in all of our equipment."

F: Not to sound like an old fuddy-duddy, but like, times were different back then. The budgets were- you were able to have those months to kinda sit in a haunted house and write. And I'm glad- I feel like that was the tail end of that in the music industry, and we were very happy to be a part of it.

S: Oh yeah, you caught that tail end there. "Let's just blow it out!"

F: When we were kids, Metallica was holed up in, what I imagine was like, pool cabanas, for years, you know what I mean? Writing records and stuff like that. So, yeah, we caught the tail tail end. We got a haunted house for a couple months.

S: How do you know when a song is done, when you're writing it?

F: A better person than I can be quoted as saying, "You don't ever finish a record, you just relent." You have to kinda just be like, "I have to let go." You know what I mean? "There's nothing more I can do that will make this better, I'm just going to make it worse." And I feel like that's, you know, a lot of art. There's- you can always do more. Should you do more? Probably not, you know? But then again, there's some songs where it just needs to be just a very succinct, you know, the simpler the better. But it's hard to see the forest for the trees sometimes.

S: Yeah, that makes sense. What about the difference between writing- I mean, I'm assuming you just sort of always write, but writing for yourself, and then versus writing with a band. Is there one you prefer? I'm sure they're both great in their own ways but-

F: Yeah, they're so different. That's the thing. I've always been a fan of that collaborative effort. I like that when you're in a band of friends, people that you respect musically, of course, but also that you get along with, it's fun to try to impress each other, and be like, "Look at this thing I came up with!" That inspires someone else with something else, and then we just kind of make this crazy Scooby sandwich out of it. It just kind of layers up, you know? And that's really fun. The thing about writing for yourself and just as a solo artist, is that there's a sense of accomplishment because nothing makes the record that you didn't come up with on your own. You know what I mean? If it didn't come from your head or your heart, it's not there. And the other great thing about it is that sometimes, certain ideas take a little while to flesh out, and if you can't immediately make someone else see the potential in something, it's able to be kind of bulldozed over, if you're working with a bunch of different writers, you know. They'll be like, "Oh well, that's not working. We'll get back to it," you never really get back to it. But if you write something, even if it sucks, but you see potential in it, you can chase that to the end of the year, and that's really cool.

S: Yeah, that's gotta be a very, sort of, I don't know if it's democratic, or just the idea of working with people and delicately, "I don't know if I'm feeling that." Which I'm sure-

F: It's hard, man. I've been in both situations where somebody was like, "Yo, that fucking sucks. And I don't like your face."

S: "Alright, that was kinda rough. Maybe we've been in this mansion too long."

F: Possibly. But I've also been in situations where people are really kind about it, but even when they're so kind, you still feel like a piece of shit when someone doesn't like what you wrote. It's hard, you know. I feel like, the older you get, maybe, the more able you are to deal with that type of rejection. Be like, "Oh well, I'll get 'em next time," or like, "Oh, I'm gonna take that home, I'm gonna really work on it really hard, and bring it back, and they're gonna understand later on." But part of you also is like, "Fuck that guy!"

S: "Screw you, dude. Fucking fine, I'll save it for my own shit."

F: Exactly, yeah.

S: How do you know, too, when a song- if you're writing, how do you know if this is just for me, or this is for them, this is for- this feels more like a Leathermouth song? I mean, granted, there's obviously huge differences in the music that you're making there, but-

F: You know, sometimes it just speaks to you on a level. It depends, too, I feel like, if you're writing lyrics to it, could you see yourself kinda handing those over, and letting someone else emote with those emotions? Would it feel contrived if somebody else sang your words? You know? Or if you're like, "I just had music here, I don't know what to do," you know, vocally, or something like that. That's a good one to pass off. But usually for me, I kinda jump from project to project, and I think I start- I write within that project. I don't ever write a song like, "I'm gonna hold onto this because this is gonna be good for that one."

S: This is what you're focused on, so this is sort of where your head space is.

F: Yeah. And if I hit a block within that project, I move to the next project, and I start writing there. So, I'm not ever just writing in a broad stroke where I'm like, "This could be for this, this could be for this." It's always like, "Alright, I'm focusing on this one, or I'm focusing on this one."

S: Yeah. So, new projects. You're used to the music world, but you're dipping your toes into a whole new venture.

F: Yeah.

S: Of podcasting.

F: Podcasting. It's strange to me. I was like, I didn't know really what a podcast was for a very long time. I was like, "It's people just talking into a recorder? Alright."

S: Yeah, you just kinda sit and talk for a little while and then say, "Here you go."

F: That's it, yeah! I was like, "Why do people listen to that?" You know? And then I actually started to listen to them, and I was like, "Oh alright, I get it now." And it just so happens that a few of my friends, my friend John Hambone and my friend Shaun Simon, who were in a band I did very early on in my career called Pencey Prep, we just were looking for an excuse, I guess, to hang out and talk. And we, like, well, we go to lunch every couple of weeks and bullshit, and if we were to record this, I think people would get a little bit more insight into other things. And Shaun, of course, from music stuff, branched out and he started writing comics, he ended up writing The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys with Gerard, he wrote Art Ops, and he's working on something new called Wizard Beach, but he brings in kind of a different realm to the podcast. We could talk until we're blue in the face about writing music and touring, and stuff like that, but I feel like his venture into writing comics and actually starting to write prose and stuff like that, and trying to write a novel, is a fun conversation to have about, you know like, creativity, and inspiration, things like that. So, we've been having a really good time. The first two episodes are out, the third episode is coming out in a couple of days. It's called Casual Interactions, and it's one of my favorite projects I've ever worked on because it's just so much fun.

S: Yeah, well you need- especially when you get older and you have kids, and responsibilities, it's hard to figure out time to hang with your buddies.

F: It is! It really is.

S: But now when you make it work, you know like, work.

F: That's my advice. I feel like if you wanna hang out with your friends and drink, turn a recorder on and then you can tell your wife you're working.

S: "It's been a week! We got a podcast we gotta get out!"

F: "It's work, I have to!"

S: "I have to do this right now!"

F: Yes, yeah.

S: She's like, "Yeah, but at 8:30 on Friday night or whatever, at the bar?" Like, "Yes!"

F: There you go. Right now, if there wasn't a camera on us, we'd be fucked off. "Oh, I'm going to a haunted bar with my friend Seton and have some beers."

S: This is exactly what I've- so, we me and Brendon are sitting at a bar in Houston, right? Houston?

B: Yeah.

S: And we're just drinking and trying to figure out a show to do, or whatever, and getting kind of in our cups a little bit, and, "Well, I really like interviewing bands in bars," and then we're like, "What if we made a travel show out of it and just did-" Like, because you guys were saying you travel all over the place.

F: Yeah.

S: James from Against Me!, anytime I'm going to a new city, I'll throw out on Twitter or whatever like, "Hey, what's the best place, a bar, in Minneapolis," or whatever, and he's got 17.

F: He definitely knows. Oh my god.

S: He's got 70 of like, "Oh, make sure you get the burger here, and the burrito there," or something, you know, he's all over the place with it. I'm like, "God, you guys are just a limitless fountain of knowledge for travel!"

F: See, Bowman's a bad influence for me, though, because when he sends me stuff, it's like music stores I have to go, or record stores, and it's like, "Man, just kill my bank account."

S: "How am I shipping this new stack back to my house?"

F: Yeah.

S: Yeah, and actually, on the way down, I nerded out a little bit on your guitar rig.

F: Oh, really?

S: Yeah. You know that equip board, there's like a website.

F: Oh okay, alright.

S: That, I think it's all unofficial, but they'll do- it's got everybody's. And like, so you're on there, and it's got all of the guitars that you've been seen using, pedals, and sometimes it's just a random picture from a fan on the stage, and it's like, "I think that's-"

F: I love that.

S: "-a Big Muff," or whatever, you know, I don't think you use one of those, but Swollen Pickle.

F: Yes! I do use a Swollen Pickle.

S: Yeah yeah yeah.

F: I've actually passed that along, though, to my brother-in-law, who uses it in the band. He plays guitar in my solo project, so he uses that a lot, and I actually ended up getting an older, like 70s, Tall Font Big Muff, that I've been using, and I actually finished a record 3 weeks ago, and it's on there a bunch. So, I'm pretty excited about that.

S: Yeah, right on. I can get in that stuff. I'll just spend all day on the internet looking at freaking pedals and stuff. Like, I don't even- I mean, I play, but I don't ever play out. It's just in my home, you know?

F: That's fine.

S: And my wife is like, "Man, that's a lot of pedals for a dude who doesn't even record music." And I'm like, "Yeah, but-"

F: "That's my tone, honey!"

S: "You get these sounds!" Yeah, I'm like, "Babe,  I'm trying to find my tone." Yeah.

F: "That's why I haven't played out yet, I haven't found the right tone! You're interrupting me!"

S: Yeah, I'm like, "I'm writing songs, I'm creating in here! Just leave me alone." Yeah. But you can get lost in that stuff.

F: Oh, definitely. Definitely. And that's the thing too, is like, you know, each one is different, man. They're all like snowflakes, dude. Like, "Oh yeah, this is a distorter but this is a fuzz, and this is an overdrive and this is a preamp."

S: Yeah, and then dialing each one in when you plug in another.

F: Oh man, and then you switch the order!

S: Oh my gosh, you switch the order and it's a whole new world.

F: Yeah, definitely.

S: No, it's crazy. We just moved about 4 years ago, we moved in to a new house, and it was built in 1880.

F: Oh.

S: So, in New England, everything's old. A lot of stuff is really old. And so, we got one room that I can sorta, I call it the music room, where it's set up. I got my guitars in there, amps, all that stuff, it's cool. But when we were- that was one of the main selling points of the house for me, was like, "Oh, I'd have space to just sorta do this." Not that I need it, necessarily, but it's nice to have it. So, we're closing on the house, and the real estate agent is like, "Alright, cool, so, inspection was good," running through all of that stuff, "The playscape is gonna stay, you know about the garage, it needs to be fixed, there's some stuff upstairs they need to take out, and of course you know about the dollhouse." And we're like, "Uh, no? What dollhouse?" And they're like, "The dollhouse in your basement." I'm like, "What dollhouse in the basement?" She's like, "You didn't notice the-" I'm like, "No!" She's like, "Oh, well, for the last 5 owners, this dollhouse has been in the basement and it sort of comes in the house, it stays in there. No one's ever removed it." I was like, "Nope. Forget it, I don't want the house. Forget it." That's- now, there's nothing inherently weird about a dollhouse

F: Oh, yes there is!

S: But when they say it like that.

F: Oh yeah.

S: Like, "Oh, and of course, you know about the dollhouse, right?" "No, what dollhouse?"

F: That's a deal ender right there.

S: Yeah.

F: Fuck, god.

S: Like get the- so, then, I started developing this whole theory that what happens is, if you do something in the house, or somehow disrespect it or something, or get on the bad side of whatever spirits are living there, you're shrunken down into a miniature person.

F: And then you live in the dollhouse, yeah.

S: You're doomed to live in the dollhouse for eternity.

F: Oh man. You know what movie really freaked me out as a kid? It was Cat's Eye, with that little elf guy who, kinda like, goes in their room and he has that little knife, and he tries to steal the breath of the little kids? But I feel like if you live in a dollhouse, like, that you probably have to steal child breath.

S: I feel like I've seen the cover of that VHS tape.

F: Oh, it's so fucked up, dude.

S: Yeah. Is that your favorite horror movie? Are you a horror movie guy?

F: I do like them. I do. I wouldn't say connoisseur. I would say kinda? But that- here's the thing. I really bonded with my dad. Of course, my dad was a drummer, so we bonded over music. But the other thing that we bonded over was horror movies. So, like, you know, Vincent Price and stuff like that, and then I kinda convinced him to show me other stuff that I wasn't' supposed to see yet, and we would just, on the weekends, we would just watch horror movies constantly, and listen to records. So, yeah, that's- yeah. I remember, but like, certain ones leave that impression on you, you know.

S: Definitely. Some of them just leave the impression because they're weird, some are gory, some just scare the shit out of you.

F: Yeah. What's your favorite? If you have one.

S: Well, you know, as a kid, I really- it's kind of basic to say but Halloween really scared me, actually.

F: Okay, yeah.

S: Just because there was something about the face, and you know what? It really does, truly-

F: Shatner, man. He's terrifying.

S: -terrify me. Yeah, he was a scary dude. Random acts of violence really scare me. You know? Like, that's something that actually- that movie, The Strangers?

F: Oh, yes! I love that movie. I won't go see the second one.

S: No!

F: Because I think they ruined it. But that movie is terrifying.

S: I got into- I got about 20 minutes into that movie and I looked at my wife, and I said, "I think we just made a huge mistake. I don't think that we should be watching this." Because it just, there's something about- they're sitting there, there's this young couple, they're working out, "Should we stay together, should we not?" and the whole time, there's these people in the room with them, and they have no idea.

F: No idea, yeah.

S: Holy sh-. That's scary!

F: I saw that movie in theaters, right. It was like, a midnight showing, right, because I wanted to see it really bad. The night it was coming out, was maybe a Thursday night, or something like that. So, we went to the midnight showing, me and my wife and a friend of ours, and we're in there, and all of a sudden this lady rolls in a baby carriage, and sits down in the front row, and it's packed. I mean, it's packed. I'm like, "That's really, kinda weird. Odd, but whatever." So, the movie starts, and all of a sudden the baby wakes up, and is terrified and it's like, "It's fucking midnight! Why am I here?" And so, the baby starts screaming, and everybody's like, "Yo, what are you doing here?" And she stands up and goes, "Deal with it!" And so, the guy behind me goes, "Put yo titty in its mouth!" And it was the greatest thing I've ever heard at a movie in my entire life. It was, actually, almost better than the movie.

S: You never get that experience-

F: You never get that experience ever again.

S: "Put your titty in its mouth."

F: "Put your titty in its mouth!" I mean, could've worked, I don't know.

S: That's great. And that's The Strangers.

F: That was The Strangers, yeah.

S: That's what you took away from that movie.

F: That baby, yeah. Yeah.

S: Wow, that's great. That's a serious experience. That's what you get at a midnight showing of a horror movie.

F: That's true. This is true.

S: You know? Yeah. So, let's see. You have a podcast coming out. What else is going on now? You did Frank Iero and the Patience was last year. You released something last year but the- two years ago was your last album.

F: Yeah, so, two years ago was the last full length, and then we did an EP last year, finished recording the new record, like I said about, 3 weeks ago, and that will be out, I believe- we haven't announced it yet, so I'm thinking it's-

S: Is this news? Is this breaking news?

F: We're breaking news.

S: Is this an exclusive?

F: Yes. It might be wrong, though, I don't know.

S: You never know.

F: Maybe April or May, I think is what we're discussing right now.

S: Do you have to shop labels and all that?

F: It's strange. We're starting a new relationship with a new label, I'm pretty excited about it. But again, it's all new, and the papers should be signed this week, so I probably shouldn't say anything else. Unless Mickey has anything to do with it, I don't know.

S: So, about two years ago, I won't get into it too much, but I have to ask.

F: Yes yes yes.

S: Like, two years ago, anniversary of The Black Parade.

F: Oh!

S: Everybody kinda went bonkers thinking about a reunion. Right?

F: That did happen. Here's the thing. Well, was it two years ago?

S: Well, it would've been 2006, did that come out?

F: Right. Okay, oh, it's 2018, yeah you're right. 2016.

S: So, it was like two years ago, ish.

F: So, what happened was, we wanted to do a 10 year anniversary release of it. And we had some demos left over, and songs that didn't make the record, and we're like, "Oh cool, we'll put it all together, and-" Every year, we meet and we have a barbecue kinda thing, and we'll- that's like, we'll have the barbecue, the kids'll hang out, and then we'll discuss business for the next year, basically. And so, we're like, "That'd be really cool. We should do a little teaser trailer for it." And so, we said, "Alright, that's what we'll do." And we told the lady what we wanted, and they made this trailer, and released it, and all of a sudden we're like, "Oh wait... Everyone's real confused."

S: "We're just doing an anniversary release. Not a tour."

F: Yeah. And then we had to come out and be like, "Oh... That was- we were just excited but..."

S: "At the barbecue, it made a lot more sense."

F: Yeah!

S: "It was much more clear when defined at the barbecue."

F: "It was so much clearer then!" But here's the thing, we were always a theatrical band, so like, we wanted to continue in that fashion, but when you're not a band any longer, it's probably harder to do that. We didn't realize.

S: I'm always fascinated that there's business. Bands will say like, they breakup, or they're not together, they go on hiatus, whatever the right wording is. But they're still always business to be done. You'll read- I like reading music biographies, and it'll be like, "The worst breakup ever: Van Halen still has to get together once a year to sign papers." You know? And you're like, "Oh my god! That must be so crazy."

F: Especially if you hate each other. That's gotta be really awkward.

S: Oh, it's gotta be super weird. So, well, 2020 is coming up.

F: Uh huh.

S: That would be another anniversary for you guys.

F: For what?

S: I don't know if you're- isn't Danger Days-

F: Was that 2010?

S: I think so.

F: Alright.

S: I think that's 2010. I'm just giving you the heads up.

F: Just another opportunity to disappoint people like that.

S: "Sorry." Is that, sort of, there's gotta be a blessing and a curse in that pressure on you guys.

F: Yeah.

S: Like, people want you to.

F: Right.

S: Which is really great and you have that option. But then they also expect you to, which is sort of like, "Eh, just... Let us figure this out."

F: Right. I imagine it's a lot like the holidays, you know, and you go to like, your family and they're like, "You should marry that Dennis. You should go back to school." And you're like, "Ah yeah, that's not really, you know, I'm doing- I got this thing happening." And they're like, "Yeah, but that was so nice when you- You could've been-"

S: "What about that nice thing?"

F: Yeah, exactly. The weird thing about it is, is that we all still get along really well. It's just that we're kinda focused on other aspects and other projects. And I feel like when the band- when we knew the band was over, we didn't wanna do the hiatus thing, because I feel like that leaves this weird open ended discussion of, "When is it gonna come back? When's it gonna come back?" And you'd just be hounded by that, and you can't really focus on anything else you're doing, because you're just going to be hounded by these questions of that. Little did we know, that we'd still have it. But we thought, like, "Alright, well, if we're going to end it, we're gonna put a bullet in its head and end it the way that we started it." You know, for all the right reasons. As far as, you know, it being- it's crazy to me that the band is almost bigger now than it ever was when we were doing it, you know? And I feel like that's really interesting, and really flattering that it's taken on a life of its own, and we've been passed on to younger generations. That's how I found out about bands, you know.

S: Sure, yeah.

F: You know, older siblings or older friends. They'd be like, "Listen to this tape, this is the real shit. You're listening to some stuff that you think is cool, but it's not. Like, listen to this." And that's rad, man. I love being in a band like that. It's strange to me when I'm touring currently on a project, and say you get a cover of a magazine for that project, and then two months later, you're on the cover of the same magazine as a legendary artist. I'm just like, "Oh shit, that's real weird."

S: "I didn't get that old yet."

F: Yeah!

S: "I can't be a legend!"

F: Eh, kind of.

S: "How could I be a legend?" You know what, man? That's what I love, though, about people-

F: Or- not legendary, I'm sorry, "classic artist."

S: Oh, a classic.

F: I don't want everyone to go- yeah.

S: When I first started in radio, one of my first jobs was at a classic rock station, and they were playing Nirvana and stuff like that, and I'm like, "Hold up. What?"

F: That's scary.

S: "How is that classic rock? It's been 10 years!"

F: It is, man.

S: That's it.

F: I know.

S: I love that there's people our age, because we're pretty close. I'm 40.

F: Okay. 37.

S: And so, we- a lot of times, my friends are like, "Dang, you still going to shows, or whatever, doing this?" And I'm like, "Yeah, but everybody that I'm going to see is my age."

F: Right, yeah.

S: You know?

F: Yeah, exactly.

S: It's not like, there's a lot of us that still- it's not let go, but it's just who you are in a way.

F: Yeah.

S: Now, I'm not a musician or anything like that, but I'm still so into all of the same things from when I was 16, somehow. I'm just in an adult about it now.

F: I hear you. It's strange to me too, like, a lot of those bands that we both grew up listening to are kinda having this resurgence, and new fans are coming in, and it's really awesome to see those bands get their just dues, you know?

S: And you're gonna be in that loop.

F: We'll see, I don't know. I mean, that's nuts. Here's the thing, you gotta think about this, right? The last show that the Misfits ever played, right? Not now, but-

S: Not the new.

F: Yeah. But like, when they were doing it, I mean, how many people did they play to? 800 maybe? Like, that was a lot. I know they played Irving Plaza at some point. So, the cap on that now is like, 11, but back then, I think it was less. Let's say 1,000 people. That's huge numbers for punk rock, right? I know about punk rock, that's crazy.

S: Yeah.

F: What did they get paid for it? I don't know, I mean, could they have gotten 5 grand? That's a lot, that'd be a lot back then. Now, they're headlining Prudential Center.

S: The Prudential Center.

F: What the fuck?! That's crazy!

S: And they'll only do it for a minimum.

F: A minimum! Like- My god.

B: That was a ride.

S: Wow, that was a rollercoaster ride of-

B: Talk about something.

S: He's a cool dude, man.

B: He's funny, too.

S: What a really nice guy.

B: He seems like a prankster. You know what I mean? He seems like he would be a guy that would be fun at a party.

S: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think he had a pretty good time. I think he had a pretty good time. And you know, he- one of the things that I love about interviewing people now, especially bands like that, a lot of these guys are my age, and we're sort of all in this same stage of life where we're all married, we're all having kids, we all have families, but still go to shows and stuff.

B: Yeah, maintaining the other.

S: Yeah. And I love relating to people on that level, where Frank is talking about- we could both talk about taking out kids to soccer practice, and he's like, "Oh yeah, the other parents will drive you nuts," or something, you know. He's right in that same space, which is pretty cool. And that helps me whenever I start thinking to myself sometimes, where I'm like, "I don't know, I'm 40 years old, maybe I should move on." But I just can't, you know? It's just part of who you are, it's just part of your DNA, I think.

B: Yeah, just keep it in balance.

S: Yeah. Like, I'm not stage diving anymore. But I still like going to shows. I still like watching bands, and people like Frank Iero help me maintain that, and feel like, "Yes. See? It's not just me. I'm not always the old guy there. There's other people. They're all holding on." I love it.

B: I'll get there someday.

S: Yeah, you will. It happens.

[primeadv]

SITS DOWN

PULLS OUT 10 GIANT ALBUMS :))) 

(this came out way longer than I intended im so fuckgkdsdf sory)

How I feel about this character: EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME KNOWS I’M IN LOVE WIHT RATCHET. I love him in all iterations of Transformers because he’s always the tired, pragmatic one of the group. In contrast, he’s also almost tiredly optimistic in some ways. He won’t get out of bed, but if someone gets shot in the head he’ll spend however long and beyond to resuscitate them. There’s 2 halves to this--the me who identifies with the beating exhaustion he exudes, and the me who’s in awe that he’ll still fight his way through life.  I won’t... get into each continuity...because that’s too much, so I’ll stick with probably the most unpopular version of him and that’s IDW (my impression, anyway). IDW Ratchet gets a lot of flack for being way too sour and like, maybe not selfish, but uncaring. He cares! A lot! He’s always thinking about everyone in really surprisingly thoughtful ways. Like when he’s 90% sure he’ll die due to Overlord and his last words are to promote First Aid to CMO (he’s ready!! god that’s sweet), and to give his hands to Whirl (though maybe a bit blindsided, he’s paid attention to some roots of Whirl’s trauma). Or yeah he’s hella mean to Drift in the beginning, but when Drift is dying in his arms he’s scREAMING at him “you’re gonna make it! You’re gonna be fine because I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be fine”. He can be an asshole, but he knows the time and place. Death isn’t something to play with--he’s seen probably countless friends die, and he doesn’t want that to happen again. Even now, even after the war.  So I feel very confused when ppl act like he’s this mean, cold person. He’s exTREMELY emotional. He’s probably way too invested in everyone’s lives, honestly? He interrupts a round table story for Rung just to reminisce on the veery last time he, OP, and Roller were together in the same room (not even hanging out or anything, just being together one last time. who remembers that after 5+ millions years??). He started an illegal clinic in the bad part of town because he wanted to put his skills to better use! Like! LOL.  ALSO, a point that i think is unfair is that ppl think his atheism is just really mean. IT is! But I think it shows just how much of an emotional and extremely, deeply hurt person he is. It gets aggravating when he’s condescending of religion, because there’s no simple logic to it. He reacts the way he does because he’s a hurt person who’s gone through years of trauma and this is his way of coping. Is it healthy or right? Nah, but it’s humanizing. It’s why when he becomes closer to Drift he occupies this weird between space where he snarks but also tries to indulge more in perspectives outside of his own in his own dumb old tsundere way. He’s a person who believes in justice, ultimately, and religion to him doesn’t fall under justice.  ALSO, can I say that his inability to say good byes is so.. like relatable? I have rly bad social anxiety, and so I’ve definitely ghosted people who’ve been nothing but really supportive for me. It’s not because I wanted to burn them, but it freaks you out needing to, not even say goodbye, but communicate with ppl. And for Ratchet--how many times was he FORCED to say good bye to friends + patients who were dying beyond his help? Maybe, if he could help it, he doesn’t want to say goodbye. And it’s tragic the times he’s just left, these were people who ended up either dying for falling astray into insanity, i.e., beyond his help. But he learns. He chases after Drift, who he actually said, in a way, good bye to (helping him off the floor after being attacked, also I should point out that a very tiny handful of people were comfortable interacting w/ Drift at all, and how much Ratchet just doesn’t give a shit abt how other ppl think abt him. he’ll help drift off the floor bc t’s the right thing to do). He says goodbye in his old dumb way--First Aid calls him out on it. ALSO his trust in First Aid is super cute. ALSO he’s like.. genuinely nice to Ten (he helped him get a date with Minimus!!!). And he’s not afraid to call out on other ppl’s bullshit (telling rodi straight you dont deserve to be captain which, at the time, was really true). He’s also SUPER smart. Also there’s that post on tumblr that pointed out that Ratchet immediately goes to deescalate conflict. He’s willing to put aside pride and anything if it means ultimately coming to a resolution where EVERYONE involved is safe. The only time he doesn’t is FUCKING OVERLORD who he rightfully, immediately, tries to briefly incapacitate to lockdown his medibay (protect patients/information). Ok I gotta stop I can go on forever just going page to page. Also, despite my love, I can totally point out his flaws. He’s grating when it’s unnecessary, he’s abhorrently bad at communicating, he’s privileged, he’s narrow-minded at times, etc. ec. But again what I love about him is that despite all that, he’ll throw his own self out the window for others’s well-being bc he genuinely, genuinellyyy cares about other people. If only he could care for himself //cries All the people I ship romantically with this character OH god... everyone. He’s my bicycle.  ok look, ya’ll know I’m an intense dratchet shipper and I could literally write a god damn essay. ... here’s another essay???!! So, I’ma be real, I wasn’t a super dratchet shipper before. I wasn’t anti (i have no notps), but I was just “yeah they’re cute i guess haha”. But 99.99% the reason why I ship anything is all for super cute adorable fanart. and I kept drawing them because 1) ratchet’s my fav, 2) drift is super popular so I figured I should learn to draw him. And they became the only 2 mechs I could draw. I used to be way more into Scavengers + megarod. I used to only like 1 dratchet fanfic and that’s bc it was less romantic and more plot centric (still a fav tho). Then I kept seeing cute fanart, I would read posts by other dratchet shippers too about what makes them so nice? And I was yeah.. oh yeah. And it doesn’t help that in Lost Light, drift is CONSTANTLY by Ratchet’s side. He’s constantly checking up on him and holding him and touching him, like as if Ratchet is the thing that he needs to make sure, at all costs, is safe.  In Drift’s life, Ratchet is the one who appears to him when he needs support the most but is in the most denial of it. When Drift is at the brink of death, overdosed and about to be broken apart and Orion brings him to Ratchet’s clinic. Ratchet patches him up pro-bono and tells him that he sees something special in him.  like??? can you imagine how that feels? To have no one believe in you--you don’t even believe in yourself, and yet here’s this person who tells you “you’re gonna be great”. And it totally doesn’t hit Drift in anyway, at least in a way that’s tangible to him, until much later in life. Or maybe it does (hey, how do you weave character narratives when it’s been written by like 3 different ppl shrugs). And that statement means 2 different things to them. To Drift, it’s a reminder that he’s worth something, even if it’s a sliver of nearly nothing to hold onto. To Ratchet, it’s a reminder that the greatness he saw led to the deaths of thousands of people.  HEY can you imagine this person you saved, patched up, tried to encourage, ended up being a mass serial killer in the future? (have you ever read Monster by Naoki Urusawa). Ended up killing people you loved?  So it’s no wonder that a good part of Ratchet is absolutely mad at Drift. And I think if that was all, they probably would’ve ended up being amicable. But Drift also ended up being super religious and seeing the hand and primus in everything and oh my god is this person really waxing poetry on the value of life when he, himself, shot several bullets at me at one point?  I also believe they are uncomfortably similar as they are different. The reason why they constantly butt heads is they’re two people trying to escape a past they don’t want and found complete opposite ways to cope with their losses. Drift found religion, Ratchet is gratingly pragmatic, and they see each other and go “how could this guy choose to be this way?”. I’ve heard ppl like to cite the annual as the reason why they could never work out. BUT, can I point out, that they act around each other in a way they don’t with anyone else? Drift gets SO MAD. Ratchet gets extremely talkative and incredibly personal (pulled out an electro slug from someone’s spark, holy shit that fucking traumatized you didn’t it??). They challenge each other emotionally, and it’s so fucking difficult bc they’re both extremely depressed and suffer from PTSD and would probably rather just go on their dumb space adventure and look at stars--take 2 emotionally constipated idiots and you get them. And hell no, don’t tell me Drift is in-tune with his feelings bc he’s 10000% not. He uses religion to cope with a past and life that he doesn’t want to think about. He tries to re-contextualize himself because he hates who he is. OUCHHH. And Ratchet MAKES him confront the parts of himself he hates--bc Ratchet has seen his worst traits and isn’t afraid to make him think about it.  So why do they work out eventually? They realize how important they are to each other. Delphi, Drift saves Ratchet’s life while he’s barely holding onto his own because he probably feels like he owes Ratchet his own life. And that’s a huge turning point in their relationship--Ratchet sees that... Drift tries really really fucking hard. My friend Zig pointed out that post-Delphi, Drift is eating energon w/ chopsticks (what a fucking nerd), and you can see in a later panel that Ratchet (who chose to sit next to Drift) is using those chopsticks too. IT’s such a small thing, but they’re becoming closer by sharing and learning from each other. And then Drift takes the fall and leaves. And Ratchet realizes just how important Drift’s presence is in his life. I mentioned it already lol but the scene where Ratchet helps Drift up off the floor and it’s superimposed with the love message Rewind left for CD. They care about each other so much!! And Ratchet chases after him!! HOLY SHIT. If that isn’t romance, what is?? lol I kid, but it’s obvious just how important Drift’s presence meant to him. IT’s really because they became so so so close in a way that can’t be described as just friends. They deeply understand each other in really uncomfortable ways and bring out the absolute worst and absolute best in each other. And this point is where Ratchet again appears when Drift doesn’t realize he needs someone in his life. Drift thinks he can be a loner and just float aimlessly and voicelessly--hell no! He needs friends, he needs community. He NEEDs belonging, because he wants to belong somewhere. And Ratchet helps bridge him back to friends and found family.  And Ratchet slowly changes the more he’s with Drift. He reads religious text and tries to brag about it bc he’s a dumb tsundere lol but he’s trying to understand Drift’s interests more even if it takes a decade and more to get there. And Drift values him for being his rock. That’s why he’s constantly making sure Ratchet is safe and unharmed, because he owes at least that much to him. And yeah they eventually fall in love because they value each other in a way they haven’t anyone else. IM EMO I CAN GO ONE, this all probably didn’t make a whole lot of sense but yeah. I’m just so soft to the fact that they’re horribly hurt people who don’t know how to redirect their pain, but by being together they come out healthier and more confident. IT’S RLY ROMANTIC IDKKK My non-romantic OTP for this character As much as I also love OpRatch, they are also great best friend platonic ship. They know each other best, they’ve been through SO MUCH together. It’s honestly a shame they barely interact in IDW bc the small tidbits we have, they obviously deeply respect each other’s opinions and deeply value the relationship they’ve had over the past millions of years.  I’m also all for non-romanceOTP for dratchet because I can totally imagine they go to each other to talk about things they feel uncomfortable sharing with others (they’ve seen the absolute worst of each other afterall).  My unpopular opinion about this character I don’t... think I ahve one. Some ppl view my love for his as grating lol.  One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. Medic spin off.

[johnnymundano]

First Reformed (2018)

Directed by Paul Schrader

Written by Paul Schrader

Music by Lustmord

Country: United States

Language: English

Running Time: 113 minutes

CAST

Ethan Hawke as Pastor Ernst Toller

Amanda Seyfried as Mary Mensana

Cedric Kyles as Pastor Joel Jeffers

Victoria Hill as Esther

Philip Ettinger as Michael Mensana

Michael Gaston as Edward Balq

Bill Hoag as John Elder

(Confession: All images stolen from the Internet. We’re all going to hell anyway.)

In which Paul Schrader, a man whose last movie I bought from a pound shop makes a movie with goofy Ethan Hawke as a sad vicar and…it’s my favourite movie of 2018? Damn straight it is, Poncho. In First Reformed Paul Schrader creates a gloriously stark and sedately paced meditation on the question, how can we survive in the face of despair?

First of all, the Ethan in the room. Ethan Hawke. He’s okay, right? Never a chore to watch, but hardly a heavy hitter. A pleasant enough addition to any cast. Well, that was before First Reformed. First Reformed is movie about revelation and Ethan Hawke’s Ernst Toller(1) surely is a revelation. Toller, predictably enough, is the umpteenth iteration of Schrader’s evolving portrait of (Thomas Mann’s) God’s Lonely Man, and, like the Whitman said, he is large, he contains multitudes; he is the refined essence of all the God’s Lonely Men who came before him. Given Hawke’s predecessors in this ever mutating role include such titans of thesping as Robert De Niro, Willem Dafoe, George C. Scott and Richard Gere, the fact that his (Ethan Hawke’s!) performance can lounge comfortably amongst them is perhaps the biggest surprise in First Reformed. Appropriately enough, watching Hawke as Toller you will feel the scales fall from your eyes; Ethan Hawke (Ethan Hawke!) is not a lightweight screen presence, he is, in fact, an actor of the top tier. It helps that in First Reformed he’s given top tier material by a true auteur going at it like he’ll never get to go at it again. First Reformed is Schrader at the top of his mature game, exerting an iron control over material driven by an icy rage. And Hawke (Ethan Hawke!) is more than equal to the task. The boy done good.

1) A toller is defined as “a person who rings church bells (as for summoning the congregation) bell ringer, ringer. signaler, signaller - someone who communicates by signals.” There is some irony here as Toller’s congregation is small, but he definitely communicates via signals, particularly so at the close of the movie. Oh yes, particularly then.)

Everyone else has to act in Hawke’s daunting shadow, so it is absolutely to their credit that they still shine so brightly, so fiercely.  I doubt many people other than his immediate family thought that Cedric the Entertainer could portray such a smoothly venal and slyly manipulative Pastor, while still appearing wholly human and relatable. (Mind you, Brummy funnyman Lenny Henry made a creditable Othello, so who the hell knows?) Michael Gaston is great as Edward Balq (2), the bad businessman who ambushes Toller over apple pie and thinks maybe it’s God’s plan to fuck up the world for cash. And he’s no one dimensional greedy meanie either, he is part of Schrader’s dramatisation of humanity’s struggle with The Bible’s (typically) contradictory command to both tame the world and also to preserve it. The abysmal weight of the latter burden falls on Philip Ettinger, as Michael Mensana (3). Ettinger is worryingly convincing as a man who clearly can no longer control his own mind. This tortured soul is desperately using his last scraps of rapidly fleeing reason to prevent himself from doing an unforgivable thing; either via the humane intervention of Toller or via other, more drastic measures. Amanda Seyfried is harrowingly vulnerable as Michael’s wife, Mary Mensana (4), but she also brings the core of steel essential for survival in the fallen world, a core which her husband, Michael, fatally lacks.  

2) “Balq” is a phonetic ringer for “balk” i.e. to hesitate or be unwilling to accept an idea or undertaking.

3) Mensana alludes to “mens sana”, the Latin for “healthy mind”; it is used ironically for Michael. His mind is unhealthy.

4) Mens sana is used literally in the case of Mary. She also deserves its use in the wider sense; Mary embodies Juvenal’s phrase “mens sana in corpore sano”. She is “a healthy mind in a healthy body”. Her pregnancy is a sign of health and hope. Also, she’s called “Mary” and is pregnant in a movie thrumming with religious tones both over and under; I don’t think we need Sherlock Holmes to puzzle that one out for us.

Things are being said in First Reformed. Things weightier than “Tom Cruise can save the world without chipping a nail” or “uptight businesswomen need to unclench so wacky men can love them”. All true and valuable lessons, no doubt, but they aren’t what’s being said in First Reformed. Of course, something is usually being said in a Paul Schrader movie. That’s the way Paul Schrader rolls; like the thunder. Paul Schrader has been knocking about movies for what, five decades now? Since 1974 anyway, when The Yakuza was filmed by Sydney Pollack from a script by Schrader and his brother, Leonard. It was a good start; an entertaining geriatric action movie, involving an aged Robert Mitchum steamrollering his way through the Yakuza, while delicately pining for his war-time love. A little bit of playing in the Hitchcock sandbox aside (Obsession, Dir. Brian De Palma, 1979), this potent fuel of meditative violence would form the core of Schrader’s early offerings, with Rolling Thunder (dir. John Flynn, 1977) and, particularly, Taxi Driver (Dir. Martin Scorsese, 1976) refining the approach. Movies like Blue Collar (1978) and Hardcore (1979) also displayed Schrader’s interest in alienation, guilt, dehumanisation, guilt, sexuality and spiritual inquiry. And guilt. Sure, such themes were certainly less immediately arresting than hook handed ‘Nam vets and tonto taxi drivers, but with American Gigolo (1980) Schrader successfully intertwined all his major themes, high and low, into his first critical and commercial career maker of a knockout. That same year saw the release of the Schrader scripted Raging Bull (dir. Martin Scorsese). Top o’ the world, ma, in effect.

There then followed the ‘80s and, for Schrader, what appeared to be a “kid in a candy store” phase.  (Legal note: no one said “nose candy”) Given the freedom Hollywood success bestows, Schrader  indulged his more personal fascinations via his own scripts and those of others. Schrader having more going on upstairs than most in La La Land, this led to mixed results; his study of the celebrated Japanese author and coup instigator Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters (1985) clearly being of more artistic value than his study of Nastassja Kinski’s bare arse in his remake of Cat People (1982). But I have watched the latter far more than the former, so who am I to judge? Somewhere in this wayward and invigoratingly fun period is a movie about kidnapped heiress Patty Hearst (1988) and an adaptation of Paul Theroux’s Mosquito Coast (Dir. Peter Weir, 1986). And I’m pretty sure few filmographies contain a musical starring Michael J. Fox and Joan Jett (Light of Day, 1987) and a Jesus movie which managed to upset various touchy Christian groups, including that of his own father (The Last Temptation of Christ, Dir. Martin Scorsese, 1988). A real cinematic fruit basket; lots of fun, something for everyone.

But after the party comes the hangover, alas, and the early ‘90s for our fascinating firebrand seemed somewhat listless and directionless. At best. Schrader working with Harold Pinter sounds dauntingly awesome, especially with Christopher Walken and Helen Mirren on board, but the result was a stodgy Europudding adaptation of Ian McEwan’s The Comfort of Strangers (1990). (Walken is amazing in it though, true.) Then in 1992 there came Light Sleeper, a perfectly fine movie, a pretty damn good movie in fact; if you ignore that it’s basically American Gigolo for drug dealers, with a soupcon of a last act shootout for Taxi Driver/Rolling Thunder flavour. It’s probably Schrader’s best ‘90s movie because it magpies from all his earlier, good movies.  A TV movie starring Dennis Hopper which used fear of witchcraft as a metaphor for the ‘50s Communist scare (Witch Hunt, 1994) sounds…interesting. (I haven’t seen it.) And the lean period sputtered out with a script contribution to City Hall (Dir. Harold Becker, 1996), a movie which despite a class pedigree stubbornly refused to ignite. No period in Schrader’s filmography is a total loss, but there was a clear lack of  artistic traction in those six years.

Maybe even Schrader noticed, because in 1997 his work flowered anew with the release of both Touch and Affliction. As if invigorated by the source works, Schrader produced one of the best ever Elmore Leonard adaptations (an even greater achievement given the atypical nature of Touch. Christopher Walken is excellent in it, obviously), and an appropriately despairing staging of Russel Banks’ grim novel of dysfunctional families and DIY dentistry. As to the latter it would be lax to fail to state how incredible James Coburn is as The Awful Father. I’ve never seen Forever Mine (1999), so for me Schrader’s ‘90s closed on a high with the adaptation of Joe Connelly’s Bringing Out the Dead (Dir. Martin Scorsese, 1999). A fine high-octane night-in-the-life-of-a-paramedic parable featuring a lively cast kicking out the jams; all led by a truly great Nicolas Cage before his fall, before his face started adorning novelty sequin cushions.

In 2002, with Autofocus (from Robert Graysmith's book “The Murder of Bob Crane”) Schrader went back to the well of morality and debauchery he had been lightly dipping into throughout his career, and this time chucked the bucket in further than he had since Hardcore, drawing up a weighty, but darkly comic, look at the corrupting influence of images. Pretty ballsy for a man who trades in the things. It was a great start to the 2000s, so obviously it immediately turned to shit. So shit in fact most of the movies from this period appeared without my noticing, were difficult to source, or were disowned by Schrader himself. Not exactly Paul Schrader: The Glory Years. A 2005 Exorcist prequel was yanked off him by the studio and re-edited and re-shot under Renny Harlin. The Walker (2007), was really good with Woody Harrelson as a gay “professional companion” to older women accidentally uncovering Washington corruption; a kind of Light Sleeper for gay consorts. A really good movie, but nobody noticed. In 2008 Adam Resurrected occurred without my noticing, as did The Canyons (2013). In 2014 I did notice The Dying of the Light was taken off Schrader and re-edited by the studio so, without wishing to cause offence:  **** that one. And this is where we came in...last year I picked up Dog Eat Dog (2016) on Blu-Ray in a Pound Shop; it was…very energetic, very hectic; a post fall Nic Cage and a never-even-stumbled-once Willem Dafoe were obviously having fun. I kind of dug it in a weird way, but Schrader definitely looked like his best days were behind him. Then I heard he was doing a movie with Ethan ****ing Hawke as a sad vicar or something. Hoo boy.

HOO BOY! indeed. Cover my face with egg and fry it in a pan! Yeah, Paul Schrader made a movie with Ethan Hawke as a sad vicar or something, and it was one of The 3 Movies I Loved in 2018. (The others, obviously, being Mandy and Let The Corpses Tan. I’m sure everyone agrees.) Schrader, the wily bugger had just been playing possum; letting his energies build, fermenting his themes, you know, getting ready to put out some fires with gasoline, as someone sang over the credits to one of his movies once. Filmed in the hypnotically discreet Transcendental Style so dear to his heart First Reformed is the “Paul Schrader movie” par excellence. It’s all been building to this one, kids!

First Reformed is a heartbreaker, a goddamn beautiful heartbreaker of a thing, it moves soft as a breeze and punches you in the heart like LaMotta on meth. The everyday becomes numinously stunning under Schrader’s soporific direction; the mundane is exalted; an indefinable mysticism hums through every scene; every performance is pregnant with the preternatural. Schrader lays his transcendental groundwork so well that when the movie makes a late lurch into magical realism it doesn’t jar, it just feels right; no, it just feels perfect. In First Reformed, terrible, terrible feelings are going on behind ordinary people’s faces; terrible, terrible feelings Schrader’s camera miraculously, tenderly, delicately captures like snow settling on an outstretched tongue. So, no, slow cinema doesn’t have to be boring cinema; only bad cinema is boring cinema. And First Reformed is good cinema. First Reformed is great cinema. First Reformed is Paul Schrader taking back the crown. Turns out everyone else was just keeping it warm.

[vkelleyart]

Ah, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, your analysis of the scene and the art have me in tears again! Thank you so much for this! This entire image was a study in painting with light, and for all the reasons you mentioned. This scene is Simon’s metaphorical baptism—his past transgressions are forgiven—so I tried to give the River Spirit the aspect of something God-like with a glow that washes over Simon from head to toe (to wing). I’m so grateful to know that my intentions came through!

“I know you.” -Blue (The River Spirit), Wayward Son by @rainbowrowell

I feel like I need to say a thing or two about this one. I went through a number of iterations that included the whole squad before I realized I wanted the picture to capture the moment of recognition that happens exclusively between Blue and Simon. Every time I added Penny, Baz, and Shepard, it pulled away from the intimacy of it, so I drew the moment she first touches him and framed them from above when Simon is in the air.

(Also, I studied a boatload of water images to see if I could capture The River Spirit the way she appeared in my mind as I read it: luminescent; commanding yet graceful; gentle, yet dominating the space.)

I’m proud of how this one came out. I hope you like it too. 🌊

[tristikovart]

A Retrospective of Role

Or “It really took 15 years to get from that, to this?”

If you’d like to share in my cringe have a look at my progress as an artist, then grab a beverage and a snack, because this is gonna be a looooooooong post.

So to go back to the beginning, I have always liked to draw; in particular I’ve always liked animals, so it isn’t much of a surprise that some of my earliest “original characters” were based on my team in Pokemon Yellow. However, it was another Game Boy game called Dragon Warrior Monsters which provided what turned out to be a lasting inspiration. It also only allowed for 4 letter names.

- 2002 -

If I recall correctly, I was on vacation at a lake in New Hampshire with CerebralZero, when I drew my first ever pic of Role:

She also apparently had scaly forearms and a distinct beak here too; those didn’t stay, but she did keep the wings for some time. 

Given the context of DWM (monster battling), Role didn’t have a lot of background at the time... Though I did have some running gags with my friend Alex who also played the crap out of DWM, I only drew some of our monsters later on in a single rough sketch.

The first continuity I had after Pokemon. [shudder] This shit is really going back in time for me. Note that Role’s outfit makes no fucking sense; but surprisingly, while Sela at the far right looks like some DeviantArt sparkle-bird abomination, she actually is about as ridiculous as the Rain Hawk DWM monster she was based on (I think in-game she actually ended up in part of Role’s lineage because Rain Hawks learn the MEGA MAGIC skill, and thus she would pass it on to Role through monster husbandry.)

- 2003 - 

For a while I gave her some kind of SWAT uniform thing. I’m pretty sure I intended her pistol to be the Enforcer from Unreal / UT Classic. She also went blonde for a while.

Using my sick dial-up internet connection at the time I found out that digital coloring was a thing, and I asked my folks to get me Photoshop Elements 1.0 at our local Staples. I also got a scanner, which ushered in an exciting new world of not being aware of the multiply setting, layers, or cleaning up line-art.

However, Role proved pretty good at rocking out in front of crappy jpegs BGs

- 2004 -.

During this time, I went through a bunch of character designs and continuities (itself amusing to look at; perhaps I’ll make a future post for the truly bored.)

All things considered, when I stuck to pens and prismarkers, I don’t think the result was too terrible. Note the blonde again.

IIRC her outfit above is based off of a pinup wallpaper of Jo from Altermeta gen 1. HOW’S THAT FOR DATED?

ARRGG back to the horrendous digital coloring. I actually did much worse coloring a little bit earlier, if you can believe it. Some basic digital art tips would have a gone a long way back then. Anyway, it was about this time that Role transitioned to a new continuity with one of the several iterations of Gyr, who was my go-to character for a few years. Note Role’s design stabilized around this time with the garish fuchsia eyeshadow, t-shirt, and brown “hair”.

BONUS ROUND: Ryhs Rhys (took me a while to get it straight) is also really fucking old! However, she disappeared for a time, while I kept drawing Role. This cast of characters stuck around for a while, and I drew quite a bit of them, including a number of silly comics, frequently involving my friend’s avatar, Raze, inducing mischief by being a self-important douche.

I certainly drew a lot of pinup art of Role; this habit hasn’t really changed… 2004 had a particularly productive stretch due to me going on vacation to Vermont, again at a lake (similar to where I drew her first pic) and having ample free time to occupy.

This trip was also officially commemorated with a 5 page comic about just that.

- 2005 -

I think this pic was actually late 2004, but either way I still think it stands out as pretty cool for the time. Note Role’s “hair” has transitioned to actual hair from its previous feathery styling. Note the lack of wings too. Also, IIRC the only time she was drawn with closed-toe shoes.

Otherwise 2005 is kinda light on dated pics of Role; probably because I had started drawing Ress more often (another good topic for a retrospective) and had also developed Maru and other equine characters.

- 2006 -

Check it out! Some signs of progress at last! The 2006 iteration of this cast focused on these three (and ditched the wings across the board), as well as folded in the other equine characters to some kind of mid-2000s city life continuity. Role’s shirt also gained a big 01, and might have been her old softball jersey or something.

Around this time, CowBunny, a fellow artist on DeviantArt, also drew me some really cool fanart! CB, if you’re out there, I hope you’re doing well!

I also drew the first (and a little slim) Oktoberfest Role picture, replete with god-awful shift-clicked mouse lines. Note the braids here.

- 2007 -

I had started school at this point, and IIRC I drew this sketch during my first semester, while riding the D-line from Brookline Village to Riverside, on my way back to my school’s temporary dorms at Regis College.

- 2008 -

Doodles of Role (and Maru and Ress in the upper middle) done in various notebooks from school. Note during this time she also developed a bit of a cleft beak for some reason. You know, I still don’t know why despite having one in the original drawing, I always drew her without a defined bill since then (until 2017.) Inspiration from depictions of Chocobos, perhaps?

- 2009 -

Beergirl Role is back! And dammit if this doesn’t hold up pretty well (which I should be glad of, given that I purposely designed this pic to have tattooed on my side!)

- 2010 - 

At this time I was preoccupied with graduating college, and then involved in my first job, so while I have a nice picture of Ress from this time, I didn’t get to Role until the following year.

- 2011 -

But hey, she looked pretty good, so I’d say the wait was worth it. Note that I finally got rid of that fucking eyeshadow. Like, it finally occurred to me that I could use other colors. Or Kelly might have just told me it looked like shit.

- 2012, 2013 -

Didn’t draw Role much (if at all?) during this time, as I started another job, started collecting firearms, and chiefly: Started the modern period of Avania! (The history of how Avania came to be is yet another retrospective topic I could go into detail on, if there are interested persons out there.)

- 2014 -

Well, 2013-14 sucked because the start-up I worked for had gone belly-up and money was tight, but never the less I brought Role into the “present” with the third beergirl drawing. Her hair is lighter in this version, but she kept the braids even when not in fraulein-mode, and apparently I liked the way she looked with glasses in that old sketch. 

Otherwise I spent most of this time making 3D models of most of the Avania characters to play in Unreal Tournament 3. I even made a model of Role, though I didn’t iron out all the rigging issues, and she was rather out of place among all the other characters I had modeled.

- 2015, 2016 -

I started a new job late in 2014 and I’m still there, so things are looking pretty good. However, I had been working on the Avania comic, and any side art had pretty much been exclusively with those characters. Several times I had thought about adding Role into this now all-consuming continuity, but with one of my design choices being limiting the setting to three sentient races, it meant Role as she was wouldn’t fit neatly into the setting, and so I held off on incorporating her.

- 2017 -

However, early this year I decided that it was high time I found a place for my oldest, continuously drawn character in a setting that I have set out to make a fancy, published (at least digitally) comic out of.

I’ve already been posting sketches of her new design, but say goodbye to the old, and hello to the new Role!

Her old design will always be with me (and I mean literally, given the tattoo) but I’m very happy to actually give her something to do now besides get drawn looking pretty. I’ll probably do some finished art of her new design at some point, and maybe even remake her model for my next Avania UT3 release (though it might end up being UT4 at this point--another project somewhere on the distant horizon.)

2018 UPDATE: Role’s latest incarnation now has a fully rendered pinup! This is her design for the Avania comic (launching summer 2018) so be sure to stay tuned if you’re a fan!

Though her previous designs haven’t had much in the way of military themes, I wanted to keep her overall look recognizable. As such color color scheme has remained the same, and I figured her braids would continue to be appropriate in the new context. As she no longer has a lion’s tail, I decided to braid that as well so as to keep the tufted and ribboned look. One other thing that has evolved is her personality; though she past wasn’t ever particularly defined, Role always seemed fairly happy, friendly, hard-working, and a little flirty. In light of her new history growing up in dire times and serving during the final days of her country, her old personality has matured to one of responsibility and self-sacrifice, but has not been entirely overwhelmed!

I’ve really enjoyed Role’s evolution over the years, and I’ve especially enjoyed her recent iterations and the depth that I’ve finally got around to developing for her character and backstory.

If you actually read this incredibly long-winded exploration of my artwork, then I hope you enjoyed it too! If that’s the case, let me know if you’re interested in seeing more posts like this exploring some other long-running characters, or all the early concepts that went into making Avania.

It has been a pleasure sharing my drawings with the internet at large, and I look forward to continuing the habit; cheers!