#theres only a few things left lol
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greetings. gamers. I hope you have been enjoying splatfest<3 ...i havent been able to play much because ive been spending the past several days packing up everything i own to move! i leave tomorrow, and i have a few things left on my ebay. would very much appreciate any Purchases of my Wares.
https://www.ebay.com/usr/rassicrab
#rassicas speaks#theres only a few things left lol#a singular moth flies out of my wallet thinking about how much ive spent on shipping labels the past few days.#shipping anything out of hawaii sucks SOOOO BAD#even when shipping to...california for example. which is the closest state. its still zone 8 pricing.#from all this though. i can say i have gotten very good at shipping economically LOL
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recent things and such~
#photo diary#image 1 - kind of interesting lacy looking clouds. Image 2 - pinky purple sunset stuff#image 3 - These REALLY cool flowers I saw in a field ? growing wild so like.. weeds I guess. but I like the color of them and how the#petals are small and layered. Image 4 & 5 - More recent hair growth progress. I still think it will never get much longer because#it's been basically the same lenght for multiple years now BUT I do feel like maybe it's getting like... just the tiniest bit longer?? Just#not as obvious of progress as the first few years. Like now if I take it out of the braids and actually hold it so it goes straight down th#very tips of the hair on one side goes down to the tip of my pointer finger. and on the other side goes a little past my thumb. and I#remember maybe last year or two years ago it was only to my knuckles or like midway down my thumb. so.. perhaps it's not reached a#maximum genetic possible length just YET as I'd thought it had maybe lol.. perhaps I could slowly gain a cenitmeter or two#here and there gjbjh.. Unfortunately incredibly doubtful it will ever be down to my knees though as I had wished. oh well.#image 6 - writing again... as always... Slowly chipping away... And looking for ways to make it go faster lol. The original premise was 8#main characters with 6 quests for each. Then it was 5 with 6 quests. Now it's 4 with 4 quests each. And even that I'm like hmm... what#about having only 3... so it could be done faster... lol.. I think mostly just because I have no gaurantee of investment. So it's like#I could spend years and years doing 500.000+ words of writing and then have about 3 people total actually play the game and nobody cares#and nothing ever comes of it. You know? So I have to balance that somehow. And rather that put out the 100% complete version#be putting out like 'here's ENOUGH of it for you to see what the concept is and what it's like. and IF theres any investment then I#can put in the effort to finish the few bits that I left in more of a preview form'' type of thing. And then it's like.. well if I'm#limiting the initial scope anyway - how much is enough to cut away? and how much would be TOO much? etc. etc. I'm pretty sure I#already have it down to a balanced minimum but some days when I'm very stressed over my ability to actually finish anything I'm like..#ehhhh..maybe I could make another main character into a side character.. as a treat lol..#image 7 - cabbage noodle beef stir fry sort of thing. As usual I kind of cook the beef too long because I'm afraid of getting sick if it's#underdone despite preferring medium rare steak lol.. Funnily because usually making something at home has the advantage of you#being able to do it Exactly The Way You Like It whereas me cooking meat is often like.. ah yes.. the worse way that I dont even like. love#to make a tough chewy anxiously overcooked protein puck for myself. :3 Images 8 - 10 -- various plants from the deck. though#some of these pictures are old and they're no longer alive lol.. Most of my plants actually do live through the winter because I#painstakingly move them inside and outside and inside and outside depending on the temperatures. But sometimes.. one cannot#help but be lost. Especially the temperature change sometimes can make them more prone to mold and stuff. and humidity is#hard to control indoors. There's always one or two that deteriorate despite my best efforts. But that's better than every single one of the#dying because they alll freeze when it gets to 20F one night and I left them outside or something lol#ANYWAY.. hrm.. still working on friend quiz thing... and sculptures.. and videos maybe?? costumes... rghhhghhrrr.. (< to do list angst)
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damn it feels so good to actually have friends who i feel safe around. like to have friends who im not worried that if they find out that i like "cringe" things they wont judge me. woah!!
@angry-avaocardo @silly1xxx @gollyimsosoevil
#appreciation post for my besties✨✨#also the tags got reallylong and rambly just me complainign about the ex friend and a quick update so feell free not to read them if you#dont wanna#theres nothing of substance in there lol#ugh god my old friend the one i made the really long post about asking for advice#i probably mentioned this but i never felt safe to talk about things i like with them#oh god i would never be able to show them defrag#and i probably wouldnt even be willing to ramble about like. the arg or smth to them#id be too worried of them making fun of me#but also they had a way of making it so i hung out with them the most even tho i didnt want to#“me and friend are going to the canteen you two wanna come?”#“[with none of my input] no me and Charlie are staying here”#the only person i felt safe talking about my interests to was a friend that i made when trying to move away frrom the toxic one#a friend who they would consistently ask if i was replacing them with and was so fucking jealous of him#in fact that friend is gollyimsoevil yea that guy#hes great he likes gay addison shit so yk bestie#also they were so good at guilt tripping that now i use their guilt tripping tactics on myself to try and get myself to do things lol#and they would make fun of me so often but GOD FORBID I MAKE FUN OF THEM#they were making fun of me to another person a few /years/ ago so i made some snarky comment about them#because i was really upset by them making fun of me#and they brought it up to me like 2 months ago before we cut them off#like dude you mock and make fun of everything i do so much that ive just stopped talking and completely zoned out whenever im around you#and youre holding some snarky remark that i made when we were like 11 /because you were making fun of me/#UGH#oh ye update on that if anyone cares it went fine they seem to have moved on and are just hanging out with different people now#they havent made any attempt to contact any of us but also havent cut us off#i havent cut them off either ive just left it#i catch them giving me and the other two friends who used to be friends with them dirty looks#but i kinda just ignore it#i have like 5 friends my age who are much much much nicer than them
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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anyway yeah relevant to that post abt being deaf/hoh and ppl excluding u from conversation bc of it (even unintentionally), that's smth that's been really deeply bothering me lately bc there are a few ppl I routinely have to deal with who do it a lot and it Pisses Me The Fuck Off I've lost all patience w them. giving up and calling it ableism and walking out idc anymore 🚶♂️
#theres a guy at work whos incredibly annoying for it but tbh hes bad at his job in general anyway n everyones annoyed at him all the time#so at least i get some solidarity from my other coworkers (who are generally rly accommodating of my deafness)#i dunno how he hasnt got the memo ive explained im deaf so he needs to face me n make sure he has my attention n enunciate multiple times#but nope still not getting thru to him! so half the time if he starts mumbling i just pointedly ignore him until he either speaks more#clearly or goes away lmao#and same with a friend of a friend im sure hes a nice guy and everyone else seems to like him n hes in our main discord server so i cant#avoid him as easily and ive been so tolerant of it but hes worn thru my patience entirely and idc abt trying to be nice anymore#if he comes on call and starts mumbling and sidelining me from the conversation i just put him on mute im not dealing with that anymore#i dont fucking care if its petty and rude to do that. im tired of trying to understand him and dealing with how left out he makes me feel#i hope he picks up on the hostility n feels unwanted so maybe then he'll understand what its like for me and fix his behaviour 👍#bc i have no other way of communicating that with him anymore. since I CANT FUCKING HEAR HIM!!!!!#he also has a lot of other annoying behaviour which is fine but this is my limit its so disrespectful and outside of my control#make space for my disability or go away forever#not sure if we could even be friends if he did change now bc hes soured my impression of him so much by this point.#sad! well theres other guys#im glad everyone ive met at climbing so far has been pretty good abt it. really not that hard to do!#anyway rant over lol. at least the guy at work is only on a temp contract so only have to deal w him for a few more months#unfortunately since the rest of that group is friends w this other guy he'll prolly be around longer. but oh well lmao#just crossing my fingers he'll drift away n never open discord again so ill never have to deal w his shitty crackly mic mumbling#or maybe he'll stop fucking calling from whatever wind tunnel hes in and properly join in on our movie nights instead!!!!!#it is sad bc i think he has similar music taste to me. there are def some things we have in common that could form a basis for friendship#but hes gone n ruined it innit#aaaanyway oops started complaining again... the bitch grind never ends#im gonna shower n go back to elden ringing it.... fare thee well#.diaries
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Not having a car in your 20s really is a humbling experience. That post where the guys like 'I have to ask my mum to go to walmart' I feel that.
I'm not American so I do have the benefit of town living and a walkable community. I feel very lucky to have been able to live right in the heart of my hometown again (lived on the main street above a shop for a while as a kid but mostly lived in residential areas. As an adult I'm lucky enough to live on a road coming off the main street (can no longer live in places with stairs so above a shop is no longer an option) HOWEVER.
my town is gentrified as fuck and all the shops are stupid. And even if I put up with the cost and buy the things I can in local shops, I can only carry a very limited weight of shopping, but am very stupid and overestimate my ability/ realise but still get carried away and buy too much as I have no impulse control every time. So I'm left having to beg lifts/tag along with pretty much anyone that'll have me lol.
Pour one out for me, trying to run a household and not even having parents I can ask for lifts. I'm begging lifts off aunties, grandparents, friends, fucking COUSINS. Most humbling experience ever and without a car you can't even repay them with easy errands. Watch me repay the favour with CHILDCARE, with TECH SUPPORT, with financial advice. Those are all the worst favors. I don't mind doing them but BY GOD would I prefer to be able to occasionally just pick them up something from the shop. Drop them at the train station. Pick up a parcel.
#i do have parents. they just aren't the kind of parents you can ask to do things lol#plus my dad left the country when i was a teenager so he's not here to ask even if i thought he might do it#and my mum. well she's my mum. once made the mistake of asking her to pick me up from the hospital when I'd been taken there by ambulance#and had been admitted for a few days so they wouldn't discharge me without someone collecting me#(i was also like 17 lol so tho i lived alone we were on rocky territory as to if they'd LET anyone that wasnt a parent collect me)#and she was like. 'i do have a life you know! this is very inconvenient.'#eventually she did collect me so i was discharged eventually (only like 8 hours after they wanted to discharge me lol) but#she complained the whole time lol and parked like 20 minutes away despite me being in hospital cause my leg was fucked#(who does that? bring the car round for fucks sake) so since then she's been at the bottom of my list of ppl to ask favors from and if i do#bother theres a 90% chance she'll say no she doesnt want to#if she does agree she will complain about it the whole time. be as awkward as possible and remind ppl how helpful she was for the next year#therefore the choice is: buy things locally at a markup. catch the bus and inevitability injure myself by buying too much. online shopping#online works pretty well for a lot of heavy stuff but there's a big markup. plus most of the time i have to use amazon my beloathed#so i usually end up writing lists of stuff for certain (cheaper) shops and then either jumping on the opportunity when someones going there#or else letting the list pile up and asking for a favour when i can't wait any longer.#(my worst trait is whenever someone has a problem being like.i know exactly what you need.you know where you can buy it? I'll come!)#its largely a self inflicted inconvenience cause I'm too cheap to just buy things at a markup I'd rather buy in bulk at out of town shops
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part 2 for that lando fic plzz 🙏🙏 ill patiently wait 🥹
promises - 2 (ln4)
part 1 || lando reaches out to you, and you seek the closure you need (3898 words) a/n: this one is pretty long so take a break mid read if you need. i also spent SO LONG trying to find the right way to close this. if theres any feedback dont be afraid to share. || masterlist taglist/thanks for supporting lol: @unknownmystery22 @hlhl99 @landorris @aleatorio1234 @sopanngon @abq46 @notsoordinaryatlas @hadesnumber1daughter @milk-en-suggarrr @daemyratwst @artsucker12 @pancakes4nina @cmleitora @krishasworld @chicanecharm43381310
“Lando?” You audibly spoke.
Your finger hovered over the notification for a few seconds as you stared blankly at the screen.
Why would he text you? And more specifically, why now?
You quickly sat back down on your couch, taking a deep breath and mentally preparing yourself. You didn’t even know why you were so stressed about this.
You opened the notification and sat there as the app took what felt like forever to load into the DM.
landonorris: hi, remember me? hope you do :) i’m coming back this week, do you wanna meet up.
Oh. Oh.
You gave yourself a few seconds to process everything, placing your phone face down on the couch.
Lando Norris just DMed you.
The Lando Norris.
The Lando Norris who used to be friends with you
The Lando Norris who cut ties with you
“Okay.” You whispered to yourself as the air in your apartment grew tense. You picked your phone back up.
This was so stupid, why were you thinking so much about this? This was still that little kid at the playground who talked about taking over the world with a racing kart.
You stared at your phone, the message glowing on the screen back into your eyes. A small part of you wanted to be bitter, say no, reject him. For all the lost years that you two could've had, for the unfulfilled promises that he probably threw away in favour of his bigger ambitions.
You sighed. Deep down, nothing would ever come between you and Lando. You liked to believe you two would still be as close as you two were back then. Your emotions were feeling all too complex, all too messy.
You typed in your message and sent them as quickly as possible, before you’d second-think yourself.
hi lando. it’s been a while. i’d love to meet up again. send me the details.
You internally cringed at yourself before switching off your phone.
Now it was just you, and your thoughts.
You missed Lando but he made all those empty, bland, pointless promises only to ditch them all to fly towards his ambitions; and it took you forever but eventually, you came to peace with it.
It was probably the hardest thing you had to do, you couldn’t just forget 10-ish years of friendship, some of your purest moments with Lando, your toughest and your wildest moments. You basically grew up with him, and watched him grow, and somehow now you had to live without it.
You never left the town you two grew up in, it never felt right to abandon your entire childhood. Never felt right to abandon Lando. So you stayed, you got your own apartment, your own job. You also visited the playground a few times a month, just for the feels, or when you desperately needed someone to talk to.
No one came close to Lando. Or rather, no one would ever come close to what Lando made you feel. If he was the standard, everyone else fell short.
Sometimes, when things got tough, you’d visit the playground again, sitting at the exact same spot and looking up at the moon, then everything would start flowing back in, all the wishes, the stinging feelings.
But anyway, Lando was gone and that was something that you couldn’t change.
Your phone chimed again, snapping you out of your swirling thoughts, prompting you to pick your phone back up.
landonorris: i’m free this weekend so i’m coming back if that’s okay landonorris: we have a lot of catching up to do.
You took a deep breath. It wasn’t worth dwelling on the negatives, you could sort that out when he arrived. It was always better to talk about these things in person… right?
He sent you another message.
landonorris: and i have an apology to make
You froze. Oh shit.
You blinked a few times, concerned that your eyes were playing some trick on you.
They weren’t.
You opened the DM on a slight impulse. Looking at the messages, you didn’t really know what to reply.
i’m excited to see you again
i’ll pick you up at the airport
You settled on liking the message about an apology, at least he would know you weren’t just conveniently ignoring it.
It took some time but it dawned on you the gravity of it all. It was years of disconnection that would culminate in a few days, and it would probably determine if this friendship would continue.
You never thought that one day you’d be messaging Lando again, let alone agreeing to meet up with him. It just felt so unreal, like you were in some sick fever dream, but it wasn’t. This was real.
No normal person would’ve done this, but you and Lando didn’t have a normal relationship, it was both of your childhoods. So this made sense. Right?
It held something in your heart, because you wanted this to continue, you were still that child who never wanted to let Lando leave the airport and never come back. However, you also didn’t know if this was right, more empty promises were only going to hurt you even more.
You took a deep breath.
You were ready for this.
—
You were, in fact, probably never ready for this. You couldn’t mentally prepare yourself for this. How could you?
You were in the taxi on the way to the airport, as you stared at the chat messages. You had messaged each other back and forth for this whole week, nothing more than simple, surface level messages and the occasional “remember when”. Something always felt weird, pretending the years of no contact never existed.
You looked out the window as the giant buildings upon buildings graced your eyes. You hadn’t been here in forever, not since Lando left. You never really needed to leave this place.
You held onto the gift you got for him, which were cookies, the ones your parents used to make for you and him. The ones he loved and always begged for more. You hoped he still liked them.
Around your neck was the necklace he gave you all those years ago, which you still kept by your bedside, just for old-times sake. You hoped he still had his one.
You exited the taxi and walked through the automatic doors of the airport. The gush of air conditioning rushed against your face as you stood there. It wasn’t even peak season and the place was packed.
You double checked the gate which Lando sent you before making your way over there, gripping tightly onto the packet of cookies. You spent hours finding the perfect packaging for it, maybe you were a perfectionist, or maybe you just wanted it perfect for Lando.
You took some time, since the place had changed a lot since you last came here, but you found the gate. You leaned against a nearby pillar, holding onto your gift for him pretty tightly, almost creasing the packaging.
You waited patiently for him as your mind reminisced the last time you were here.
His tear stained eyes looking into yours as he hugged you tightly, promising to stay in touch. Then he turned around and left, looking back at you a few times as you couldn’t bear to watch him go.
You dreamt about it a few times, and times where you’d run after him and not let him go, or where he’d stop, turn around and come back to you, choosing not to go. Then you’d wake up.
Now, it was really happening. You would watch him walk out the gates of the airport, not into them. He wouldn’t disappear into the crowd, but he’d be running towards you. Hopefully.
You glanced up at the flight board.
LANDED
You pushed yourself up from leaning on the wall, straightening your posture, taking a deep breath as you waited behind the railings near the exit of the arrival hall. The minutes crept by slowly, your eyes kept darting around, constantly fiddling with your fingers.
This was real. You were about to see Lando again, after who knows how many years.
Your foot tapped against the marbled floor incessantly, and you felt your fingers tangling and untangling themselves as a large crowd of people flooded into the arrival hall. You felt your breathing grow shaky as the nervousness engulfed your beating heart.
With their luggages, people exited the arrival hall, running up to their family, giving them tight hugs, or those being gifted with flowers. You glanced over at them, smiling slightly at the pure joy that filled the area. As the seconds slowly crawled by, your heart rate increased, thumping hard against your ribcage, you could feel the vibrations around your body.
Why were you even nervous? You told yourself and closed your eyes, taking constant breaths in and out.
You opened your eyes slowly.
And there he was, in all his glory.
Lando Norris.
Lando’s curls had definitely gotten more curlier, and he grew himself a stubble, which you vividly remember him always being unable to. His face had grown more mature since the last time.
However, his eyes were still that same brown-blue glistening.
He looked over at you, finally noticing you as you zoned out just looking at him. He smiled, and made a subtle wave. He held his luggage in one hand, having a duffle bag strapped around the handles, and in his other was a black hoodie.
You snapped out of your daze and waved back at him. He picked up his walking speed, rolling his luggage over to the exit of the arrival hall, before snaking around the railing. He wasn’t running, he was brisk walking over to you.
And now you two, were once again, face to face. It would never hurt less, just remembering the last time they were doing this, Lando would be turning away and walking off, disappearing for the next decade or so.
But that was last time. This was now.
Lando placed the hoodie onto the top of the duffle bag, opening his arms slightly. You stood there for a while, your eyes trailing all over Lando.
Then you released your emotions, you felt the tears slowly spill out as you sprinted into his arms, embracing him tightly. Your arms clasped around his body, keeping him in your embrace. You felt his arms slowly come around your body as well as he hugged you back.
You could hear some ‘aww’s in the background of it all but nothing mattered more than this.
It was years upon years of missing him, and now you had him. It took you two a few long long seconds before you pulled away from him, wiping away the remaining tears on your face. It was clear he cried a little too as he used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe his face.
“Hi.” Lando said after a deep breath. His voice felt so much deeper, so much more different than last time. Only now do you catch his necklace, he remembered, he kept it with him, he’s wearing it.
Then once again, it felt like nothing ever stood between you two, like the sky could fall and you two would still stand with each other.
“Lando…” You said, trying to sound confident but your voice faltered slightly.
You hand him the packet of cookies and he receives them with visible marvel. His hands felt soft against yours as he took the packet of cookies, placing them in his duffle bag.
“Well uh…thanks.” Lando said, rubbing the back of his neck, “My hotel isn’t ready for a few hours.”
“We can talk later.” You blurted, “We could eat first.”
He nodded.
The cab ride was silent, too silent for your liking. It made you think again, deeper this time. You genuinely missed Lando, sure you “moved on” but you could never replace Lando. You reminisced again, the same recurring dream you had for the first few months, when you didn’t know if you could see Lando again. The same nightmare which haunted you when you two stopped talking for good.
Lando shuffled closer to you, which pulled you out of your thoughts. He yawned and looked at you, flashing a really subtle smile, running his hand through his curly hair.
He looked at you knowingly, like he knew all your thoughts right now. You smile back, hoping it doesn’t come off as shaky and uncertain. His head slowly falls down towards your shoulder, and you don’t stop him.
His head is now resting comfortably, hopefully, on your shoulder as he shifts even closer to you. You catch a glimpse at his face, it’s peaceful, like nothing in the world could hurt him, like when you two were kids. His breathing is constant, the rise and fall of his chest is tranquil.
—
As both of you wait outside the restaurant, Lando says, “Actually, I’m not hungry.”
You turn to look at him.
“Could we maybe just… take a walk.” Lando suggests.
You shrug, you didn’t mind anything.
“With all your luggage?” You ask.
“Yea, I don’t really mind.” He says.
“Sure.” You reply.
Both of you walk away from the restaurant, walking in some general direction.
And now, in the endless constant motion of the world, it gave both of you a moment, a moment to talk.
He takes a deep breath, fingers tapping on the handle of his luggage, “Sorry.” His voice softens.
You nod, knowing you couldn’t postpone this for much longer.
“I missed you.” You say after a pause, “I missed you a lot.”
Lando’s head drops as he wipes away what seems like tears.
“I know…” He says, his voice shaky, “I shouldn’t have-”
This was a really bad place to have a breakdown, you tell yourself, even though you felt the growing urge in your body to just let everything loose.
“I can’t stop thinking about how horrible it was.” Lando says, clearly he is letting himself loose, “I didn’t mean to lose contact with you, I know that must’ve hurt you.”
You nod again, not really sure if you should respond to him.
“It’s been haunting.” He says, “I’m sorry.”
“I shouldn’t… no, I should never have left you alone.” He says, “I made all these stupid promises to you which I never bothered keeping and… and it just… you didn’t deserve any of that.”
Lando’s hands are slowly gripping harder and harder onto the necklace around his neck.
“You basically grew up with me and… I shouldn’t have let anything make me forget that.” He takes a deep breath, “But I did, and I know I hurt you.”
You feel something warm bubbling in your body. It was so stupid, how all you needed was this moment, and it happened on a sidewalk of a randomly busy road. You shut your eyes and take it all in.
“And I know it took me too long to realise that, and I’m sorry that it took me that long.” He says, his voice shaking as time went on, “I’m here now, and please… let me fix it.”
The silence for a few seconds prompts you to speak up.
You gently hold the hand that was gripping his necklace. You feel him loosen his grip.
“You know, when we were still kids, you used to tell me how you’d take over the world and all that…”
Lando’s face darkens as he nods.
“And guess what,” You smile slightly, “You did exactly that, and I’m so… so… proud of you, and nothing will ever come between that.”
Tears brim in Lando's eyes and you don’t know how much longer you’ll last.
“I couldn’t ask for anything better for you.”
Lando slowly falls into your embrace once again, you catch him and tightly hold onto him.
Between sobs, he says, “Please… please I’m sorry, I’ll fix everything.”
You gently pat his back, “You don’t have to fix anything.”
Sure you were bitter about him leaving you alone, but this was Lando, this was the same kid at the playground, and you would never forget that.
Because at the end of the day, you weren’t mad at Lando, you never were, you just missed him. You missed knowing that Lando would be there for you, and that he would stay with you.
You spent all those years just wishing on something new, wondering where it all went wrong and where you went wrong. How all of this fits into the grand scheme of things in your endless dramatic cycle of your life.
The closure was here.
Lando kept holding onto you tightly.
“I promise.” He says, “For real this time.”
For real.
Years of unfinished stories and failing to find closure in yourself and here it was, presenting itself in the open. You hug him back, and sob softly. You couldn’t care less about what anyone else passing by was thinking. This was just about you and Lando.
“I think we should go somewhere.” You say.
He looks at you and he knows.
—
You sat on the ground next to him, the wooden base of the slide had been repainted. He leaned against you.
Those years which felt magnified because of your unhealed wounds suddenly felt so small. Only there to serve as a point in time to bring both of you closer to each other.
“I found no one. It was lonely out there.” Lando admits, “No one came close, I was always trying to find something new, something fresh, but everything led me back to…”
He fiddles with his necklace.
“You.”
You feel everything coming into place, like the grey skies overlooking your life were finally moving over, letting the sun peek out from behind them. You closed your eyes and looked up into the sky.
This was it. This was everything. This was all you asked for.
Your recurring nightmare became insignificant. It didn’t scare you anymore.
You shifted yourself so you were lying on the floor, which was probably dirty but it didn’t matter. Lando positioned his head so it was laying on your chest, so he felt the restful rise and fall of your breathing, and you felt… at peace, for once.
“I’ve been waiting...” You say, unable to finish your sentence as your voice cracks.
“And I won’t let you go, ever again.”
— — —
And he was right. He never let go.
You and Lando spent the weekend, which felt like forever, to fix it. Lando spent it all to fix every scar, heal every wound and nurse every bruise he ever inflicted. He held onto you and never dropped you once, keeping his promise.
Lando took you out the whole weekend, rediscovering your stories, and your childhood. He kept you close, never leaving you. He rewrote the haunting past, making sure he never messed up this time.
The once unfinished chapter that stood high above you, the once daunting task was now closing, the final line was being written in the darkness of the years left alone. The emotional baggage was dropped in the past and the pages of your story stopped burning up.
Lando was here now.
You brought him out in the evening, taking him to his favourite spot, by the edge of a hill overlooking the city. You sat there with him, holding some Chinese takeout.
“You forgive me?” He asks.
“Yes.” You reply, “I do.”
“I…” Lando hesitates, “Yea… that’s great.” His voice is unusually soft.
“You know…” You inhale and exhale deeply, “I remember the night after I realised you weren’t going to text back.”
Lando stiffens up, “Sorry.” He mutters.
“It’s okay now…” You say before continuing, “I went to the playground and stood there while it rained, and wondered what I did wrong.”
You don’t know whether right now was a good time for this but you started so you had to finish.
“Nothing. You did nothing wrong.” Lando says as he looks into your eyes, “It was all me who messed up.”
You pat his shoulder.
“Yea… but back then, I felt like I didn’t hold onto you enough, didn’t work hard enough for you to stay. So… that was it for me.” You admit, “I wasn’t ready to lose you so I cried that night, alone.”
You feel Lando’s guilt from a mile away.
“But-” You lean backward, supporting yourself with your elbows, “today, when we went to the playground, I think we fixed that.”
Lando’s face brightens up as he lifts his head. He fixed something.
“I think… you…” You couldn’t find the words, “You’re back.”
“I am.” Lando says, “And I’ll fix it all.”
In the night sky, you laid down next to him, on the ground. The hurting stopped, all that stopped today, in that playground where you two grew up, where you went to all those dark days, and where you left all the emotional baggage.
The skies illuminated the sky and reflected off Lando’s eyes. It was beautiful, he was beautiful. Under the bright sky and the night breeze, Lando was at peace with himself. So were you.
You scooted closer to him and he laid his head in your embrace, both of you laid in the grass. And right there was where everything felt alright, like nothing would change again. Just like when they were children.
Just like last time.
“I love you.”
—
The time had to come eventually. You were back at the airport.
You hugged him tightly once again, this moment felt no better than the last. The hug is laced with rewritten years of friendships and the closure of every dark page in your stories, to be happier, to be better. It was for everything and every minute you two lost now filled in with the memories of this weekend. This closure. He sobs on your shoulder, he never wants to let go.
But he has to. Both of you take a step back.
“If it helps you.” You say, “You fixed it.”
Lando wipes the tears away, giving you one of the purest smiles you think you’ll ever see in your life.
“And for you…” He says, “You’ll always be here.” He points to his heart.
“I’ll never let you hurt again.”
You smile, embracing him again.
As he’s about to leave, you take the necklace off and hand it to him. He look at it, and hastily takes his one off, swapping your necklaces.
“To rewritten love.” You say.
He nods and puts the necklace on.
“I’ll see you around.” His voice cracks a little.
“Promise?”
He tears up again, “Yes… Yes I promise.”
You look at his sparkly brown-blue eyes again, coming to peace with everything. As he enters the boarding gates, he looks back at you again, smiling slightly at you as he waves. You wave back, holding onto the necklace again.
He walks off, disappearing into the crowd once again but it doesn’t feel empty this time. It’s closure, it’s settlement, it’s resolution. You watch his plane take off, hearing the roar of the engine before it fades into nothing.
It was a promise.
A promise that you would keep, even as you moved out of this city, to another place. A promise that he would keep even as he reached greater heights.
Because a promise was made and a promise will be kept.
END.
i hope this hit expectations, i dont think there will be a part 3 lol
#f1#formula 1#formula one#f1 fandom#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#f1 imagine#f1 x male reader#f1 x reader#f1 x female reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n#y/n#f1 x gn reader#not beta read#not proofread#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x reader#lando norris#ln4#ln4 x reader#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic#mclaren#f1 angst#angst#lando norris angst#ln4 angst#f1 fluff
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I saw someone say that Viktor constantly reaching out to Jayce and trying to get him on his side after he initially left him and after Jayce fought, rejected and shot at him makes no sense but i disagree.
Imho jayce and viktor are incredibly, INSANELY codependent, they were each others closest contact for nearly a decade, saw each other every day, single mindedly worked towards the same goal, etc. Their lives immediately take a nosedive once theyre even slightly separated from each other (viktor nearly dies, jayce kills a kid, viktor atomises sky and then nearly kills himself, jayce lands in apocalypse land and viktor starts a cult). They instinctively always act like theyre still partners, even when theyre clearly supposed to be enemies because not being together feels unnatural to them.
Jayce doesnt act consciously when reviving viktor using the hexcore and YES viktor is hurt and distressed bc he was essentially turned into rio and he feels like he needs to leave, but then what? He probably finds out about jayces disappearance a few days later and is like "oh no, oh fuck, i know I left HIM, but i didnt want this" i mean he probably thought jayce was dead.
So for a few months he builds his commune and deliberately integrates sentimental things about his and jayces partnership (his 'home' looks like the hexgates, hes still wearing the blanket, for some reason theres a forge in the commune) which, imho, shows hes mourning and missing jayce in his own way. (A special personal hc of mine is that he grew out his hair out of grief). And in the pit we have jayce sobbing and crying bc he misses both mel and viktor so much.
So jayce reappears and viktors like "heeeyyyy bestie, oh my god, i missed u come visit me!!!" And jayce is rightfully confused like "didnt YOU break up with ME?" and viktor is like "nooo, hahaha, i was crazy back then, just forget about it, pls visit me?" And is only mildly concerned by jayce killing one of his followers (and then hes also mostly concerned about jayce, not salo lol)
Then jayce arrives and shoots him and its very painful bc viktor fully didnt expect jayce to hurt him! Hes so shocked 😭
Anyways after that Viktor "attacks" (more like "does a mating dance for") jayce in the council room and AGAIN asks him to join his emo band and is AGAIN shocked and hurt when jayce genuinely fights back and rejects him. Viktor is temporarily hurt and gives singed the ok to start the process.
And then as the fully transformed herald he STILL talks about how happy he is to see jayce and doesnt really put any effort into neutralising him. Like he could have just shot him hbxhnxgkhfj
All the while we have jayce talking big talk about stopping viktor, but when it comes down to it?? He doesnt manage to take him out and still talks to him. And then he sees Viktor in the astral realm and once there is a SLIVER of hope hes immediately like "oh thank god i can stop trying to kill him, this was never going to work"
All of this isnt contradictory to me. It means that both of them actually know that they should be on opposing sides now, they start acting according to the idea that the other one is now an enemy, they make plans accordingly, but when it comes down to it theyre reluctant to actually follow through bc that would mean a life without the other and thats worse than staying enemies forever.
Viktor kept reaching out, hoping to be partners again after MULTIPLE rejections and jayce couldnt bear to kill viktor or to let him die alone. Being apart from each other is quite literally the worst thing for either of them, so the instinct to reach out to each other will always take over.
#thats very wordy and rambly but i had to put it into words#arcane#jayvik#jayce talis#viktor arcane#m
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JAKE AND TRANSFEMININITY: PART 1
IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO TALK ABOUT THIS im gona make a series of posts about jake because. Im crazy and i like writing (will also help me with writing my scripts bc im bad at doing that but im good at yapping on social media lol)
This first post will be about Grandpa Harley because yknow he was the foundation for Jakes text later.
(Take these with a grain of salt bc this is skaianet archive stuff) but Its stated over and over that HIC in both universes Despised Jake because he was a boy and saw him as an annoyance. (The reason he is even named Jake is because HIC just swapped a letter from Jane to make a male name) and this started a pattern of jake being waved off and disregarded.
Already day fucking one as a baby Jake isnt doing gender right😭 his name is a reminder that he isnt what people want him to be.
So he left home and sought off to find adventure at age 13. His shitty home-life already left him with a fraught relationship to his autonomy and control over his life (Again skaianet archives grab that Salt) But he gets groomed and taken advantage of by an older man. I believe this only further Jakes feelings of helplessness and desire to exert power over something.
Grandpa harley would then proceed to try so hard to embody the Old most admirable western masculine archetype to a T. The wealthy globe trotting adventurer/entrepreneur/inventor with female lovers galore and nothing tying him down! A mans man who isnt afraid to get his hands dirty, wrestle a few animals. Wield violence to exert power and control (hunting animals) I see this as his outlet to exert autonomy and establish an Identity for himself but its at the expense of innocent lives. But its how you are seen as successful and powerful living under patriarchy and imperial capitalism.
Though while being this stereotype of old timey masculinity, he has this fascination with a specific brand of femininity. A delicately composed vision, a photoshoot, a performance. Something unachievable.
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Its something he brings everywhere he goes. The blue ladies photos and imagery litter both his Hauntswitch house and Jades island house juxtaposing all of his Trophies (taxidermied animals that he obtained through overtly violent masculine means) With his self titled “Beauties/Daughters of Eclectica” (IF THAT ISNT THE MOST OLD GAY MAN THING YOUVE EVER READ. BUT ANYWAY)
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Hussie always describes it as “Haha old man jake is horny for blue ladies” but i think the fact he views them as aspirational figures, and holds them in such high regard, Telling Jade that She should aspire to be like them and maybe one day she could take a place amongst them in their elegance and beauty I believe was him projecting; where he believes he isnt able to emulate them because he is a man so he tells jade to instead. (then we see teen jake who is living in more progressive times with his blue lady equivalents and he Directly attempts to Emulate them)
I think theres something more happening here guys nerm..
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A. Claire was a Ballerina, A performer of a very traditionally feminine art that is calculated, asking for pin point accuracy with your body as the instrument. The fact he was her “Biggest fan” I assume he went to see alot of her performances and greatly admired her for her beauty and performance skills.
Ive said it before but I dont think he was attracted to her sexually, I think he wished he could be what she was. Embody a finely tuned image of femininity he was barred from ever exploring, so he was drawn to women who could do what he couldnt. And i believe he conflated his gender envy with attraction (teen jake does this too really hard but well get there later) because they didnt have the terms for gender envy or anything back then. Jake grew up in the 1920s. I assume he believed his feelings were average hetero attraction and not something deeper.
I feel like its an elaborate gag that Jake made himself into a straight up Caricature of the burly gruff Adventurer Man. His houses are overflowing with hunting trophies and weaponry like hes over compensating Its insanely comical when you know Really on the inside hes a gay man with a great affection and identification with the effeminate and is actually really loud about it but everyone brushes it off as “Haha what a kooky old geezer!” OBVIOUSLY ALL OF THIS FUNNY. Homestuck is a tragicomedy, everything is simultaneously one huge elaborate gag but also offering commentary on what its pointing and laughing at, in this case its cisheteronormativity (thats the same for an ungodly amount of cases with this work)
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I find it tragic, poetic, and endlessly hilarious that his final moments were spent Roleplaying Heterosexuality with a doll He dressed up and put makeup on; made with his image of femininity, and he dies by his own gun, the same kind of weapons that he used to exert violence upon innocent animals in attempt to posture his masculine persona. The ones he arrived to earth with, he was pushed and destined to embody this image of masculinity because of the world he was sent to and the connotations of violence instilled into those weapons by society and reality by Lord English; a being his alt universe self played a great part in shaping. Who too wields a Gun as one of his signature weapons.
Blows smoke off the red hot irony pistols! 😉
PART 2 WILL COME SOON (will add link when it does)
#jake harley#jake english#grandpa harley#homestuck#meta#gender meta 🥹finally doing it.#starting with jake bc hes my Fav Forever but i will do this for all the alpha kids (cherubs included)#zan0tix#daniel talks#but yeah im not good at writing scripts. so im gona make tumblr posts then do a video essay compiling them all and cleaning up the wording#long post
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hihi!!
if you’re still taking requests.. can you do a Hobie x fem!reader 😟‼️❓
Can Hobie be really close friends, and the reader has a fat crush on him. Like following him like a lost puppy, doing sweet things for him typa crush.
And like, one day she goes over to his place and he’s all injured and in his Spider Suit, and she like freaks out?
THIS IS SO CUTE RAHHHHH
apologies to everyone who’s request I haven’t gotten to yet; this ended up being a pretty long one because I just couldn’t stop writing lol
hobie brown x reader (reader finding hobie injured)
a/n: I changed it just a little bit and made reader and hobie roommates lol (as I’ve said previously I see hobie as 19-ish)
ps I need more spider-punk gifs theres like 3 total
so you and hobie have been best friends since you were kids
and you’ve been crushing on him since you were like 14-
and when you got your own place, it was only natural to share that with hobie
because of his struggle with being unhoused, he spent a lot of time at your place, so it wasn’t much of a change anyway
and sure the apartment was a little small, and not in the greatest neighborhood, but it was home
or at least you thought so
as hobie started coming come later and later, you became unsure if he felt the same
even worse he consistently came home with bruises/marks littering his face and arms, and you’re sure if you could see the rest of his body it would be the same
he’d always hound you for being out late because of the type of people who hung around this part of town at night, but if you even try to ask him to be more safe? he i just shrugs it off.
“it’s different” or so he claims, but you fail to see how.
not to mention that, as far as you could tell, he didn’t even have a reason to be out so late.
and as his late nights bleed into early mornings, you eventually stop being able to stay up waiting for him every night, and that worries you even more;
what if he just doesn’t come back one day? and you wouldn’t even know until the next morning!!
but your school/work responsibilities, as irrelevant as they may seem compared to your concern for your best friend, necessitated you having a full nights rest
but tonight? you can’t sleep.
hobie had promised you he’d be home in time to watch the new horror movie you’d rented. and yet, he never showed.
you had actually gone to bed early, exhausted and knowing sitting on the couch waiting would only breed more anxiety as each hour passed; but you hadn’t slept
you couldn’t. not tonight.
and so, you decide to just get up and have something warm to drink; maybe that would help soothe you
you lazily drag yourself to the kitchen, spend a few moments debating between tea and cocoa, before delicately mixing together your drink of choice
it’s then that you realize you had apparently left the tv on? the volume is off but there’s clearly light coming from your living room
so, you quietly enter the living room to grab the remote to turn it off; only to see a body laying across the small couch you had recently bought, causing you to jump
“jesus christ hobie what the fuck- WHAT THE FUCK HOBIE”
you quickly notice the crimson blood dripping from his deep looking wounds, seeping into his clothes- wait no. spider-man’s suit???
one thing at a time y/n.
“‘m sorry, just kinda crashed here” his voice is hoarse as he grabs your hand and squeezes it in some weird plea to keep himself grounded
“OHMYGODHOBIEAREYOUOKAYWHATHAPPENEDISTHISWHYYOUREALWAYSOUTSOLATEWHYDIDNTYOUTELLMEYOUREBLEEDINGLIKEALOTSHOULDNTWEBEDOINGSOMETHINGABOUTTHAT”
translation: omg hobie are you okay?? what happened- is this why you’re always out so late?? you’re bleeding like a lot shouldn’t we be doing something about that?????
you quickly stammer out before running to grab all the first aid supplies you had in the bathroom and heading back to a way too unbothered hobie
“calm down I’ve had worse”
“YOU’VE WHA-
“calm down.” he grabs you by the shoulders and makes you look him in the eye “I’m fine”
“people who are fine don’t bleed this much, hobie.” you began working on the worst looking wound, applying pressure with a cloth to hopefully stop the bleeding “why didn’t you tell me?”
“y’ worry too much; especially ‘bout me”
“of course I do! you’re my best friend.”
“we both know it’s more than that, love”
you freeze; you can’t look at him. you’re too embarrassed to let yourself admit that he’s right, because you had always been just friends. and you were terrified of ruining that.
“I’m sorry”
“look at me, y/n”
you can’t.
“feelings mutual y’know, if that’s what’s got ya all worked up” he laughs, shoving your shoulder a little in an effort to diffuse the tension you had built up within yourself “always has been; thought I made it pretty obvious. you always were pretty oblivious though”
“no I’m not!” he smiles; you always were defensive too
“pretty sure y’a are”
“I will literally let you sit here and bleed out”
“no you won’t”
no, you won’t.
you just go back to addressing his wounds, trying not to feel all giddy inside, but also doing your best not to overflow with anxiety.
what are you guys then? this changes EVERYTHING- is it weird that you live together now? is it weird-
“you’re worrying again. and don’t try to tell me you’re not; I know that face”
“it’s nothing. anyway, I’m all done; we should change the bandages in a few hours though, just to keep everything clean”
you get up to go wash your hands, and maybe heat up your long-forgotten drink, but you’re interrupted by hobie’s audible sigh
“you’re forgetting something, love”
“I am?? did I miss somewhere?” your voice gets progressively higher as you check him over, worry bubbling within you
“y’ did, yeah”
he pulls you closer to him, briefly cradling your face before allowing his lips to brush against yours
“stay? f’ me?”
#not proofread#hobie brown x reader#hobie brown#hobie brown x you#spider punk x reader#spider punk#across the spiderverse#marvel
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btw sry to the ppl who came for fanart and get blasted w all the oc stuff LMAOOO
its nothing new but i fell out of a few fandoms, gnshn mainly. due to all the ongoing drama w hoyogames caused by the fandom over the stupidest things (im not involved or get involved in any of that but it always happened i saw stuff here and there on my tl and its just wow), then all the stupid shit hyv pulled in the past months and get away with constantly, then how extremely time consuming and demanding and repetitive everything became etcetcetc i kinda have issues with playing their games. theres jsut no energy or interest left bc all this above is kinda outweighing anything that made me enjoy it before?
(i still adore a bunch of characters and might draw some again but i really am not sure if i will get into the game itself again. im just tired and nothing keeps me there anymore tbh)
zzz is enjoyable as its v chill on time and the team behind it is a new one so the game is sm more different it rlly doesnt feel like a hoyo game anymore. hsr is also ok tho i dont always keep track w it lately, sometimes i just get a bit bored of it when theres nothing interesting baiting me into finishing story stuff lol
whaaat i mean to say is thats kinda why im not rlly doing much fanart lately??? since there was no major thing that had my constant attention and kept me drawing 1000 things at a time lately. i jump from interest to interest rn when it comes to fandom stuff and draw whenever inspo strikes i guess
rn im going back to old fandoms again and rewatching/rereading/replaying all my most favorite things for some happiness. im currently hyperfixating real bad on my fav animanga once again so i might post some doodles of that or other shows i rlly enjoyed and rewatched, maybe even fate or FF stuff again
i rlly have to say since i stopped actively playing gnshn/spending so much time with keeping up with hoyogames and do all my stuff there every single day, i feel mentally SO MUCH better and suddenly have sm good time to use for other things (also ngl i feel like having to keep up daily w those type of games/playing sm gacha turned me really stupid and impatient over the years)
i even got back to draw OCs and create a new comic again after almost 6 YEARSSSSS of not working on my own stories. im feeling really happy rn, drawing stuff that is not gnshn/hyv related be it my OCs or other things i rlly enjoy like alnst etc (its prolly also another reason why im going back to old, favorite things rn bc i wanna create for everything that is dear to me and i didnt do before bc i didnt have my artblog back then yet)
anw sorry for rambling sm LMAO i guess you can consider this some kind of an update/explanation!! OC art and mixture of hyperfixations, favorite things and whatever im into atm, NOT a gnshn only artist
#i really cant recall if i explained my current problems w gnshn before sry if i already did and repeated myself lol#felt i should explain and whats coming up etc#babbles#tbd#long post
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Various recent pictures of things
#or.. recent ISH.. this was still a few months ago lol#photo diary#EEEee... it's like over 45 minutes away from where I live but I finally found an arcade to go to that's not like entirely in the city and#is less busy. I went like the second they opened at 11:55am on a tuesday while school was still in. So there was basically no other people#there aside from like 5 staff. + wearing high quality KN95 mask and limiting my time there to under 1hr..#Also this was before the current summer covid surge happening since June in the US. so... I got to do One Single safe activity for once lol#skee ball my beloved.....#I actually don't like a lot of arcade games so I basically just spent 70% of the time doing skeeball ghjbjh#But I did weirdly like that pearl themed machine.. even though its one of those foolish games where you just drop items#and hope that they build up enough to let coins fall. like very boring not skill based or etc. But the Aesthetics of it.. I was drawn#to.. I wanted to crack the glass open and harvest the smooth white orbs from inside.. it would have been even cooler if they were#actually pearlescent in some way. but the round bubbly design and the blue and white water and shell theme entranced me#I love air hockey also but this machine was really flat and weird. like not enough air was pumping and the puck was very cheap and flimsy#An afterschool daycare place I went to once as a child had an air hockey machine that they would allow kids limited use to sometimes#and the air was always BLASTING up from the table so much that you could lay on it and it was like being hit by a slight breeze. and the#puck was very hefty and more of a satisfying clunk when you shot it around. I mastered skee ball with two arms#where I would load up a game on two machines right next to each other and throw one ball with my left hand to the left machine and one#with my right to the other and still got an okay ish score on both lol. But I do forget arcades can be very sensory overwhelming like#bright lights and noises and stuff.. walking past every blinking machine chirping at me like SHUT UP I'm trying to get to SKEE BALL#leave me ALONNEE. ghjhb... ANYWAY.. other stuff.. some images of clouds as usual.. a quaint little breakfaste#of eggs. pickled onions. grapes strawberries. and some turkey bacon. Also ofcourse Cat In Weird Position image.#he's always sitting with his legs stretched out funny#I kind of hate arcades on principle since much is a waste of money and time and many games are rigged (especially claw games) where#theres like some Illusion of Skill but so much of it is just random. I simply do not have the patience for that sort of thing. And usually#all the stuff you can win is bad anyway. BUT I also love active games.. if there was a place where I could JUST play skee ball. ddr.#air hockey. and like games where you have to aim at stuff (shooting games. wack a mole. etc.) then I would go there instead.#Active Games Only arcade. It bothers me sometimes to have to walk past all the scammy games to get to the decent ones lol..#Begone.. Out of my site at once... wretched claw machines.. and those things where you try and stop a light or whatever
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I think the reason why I have a tendency to draw new things every few months is bc im Still relatively new to digital art and always wonder how much i improve in months
So mainly it's for my sake because im like Oh wait ive been drawing this character differently recently ?? And then Boom i take my eyes away for one second and theres redesigns
Plus instead of making clothing so complex i decided to go w my heart and base their clothes off of how id characterize them If That Makes Sense ,, i figure kallamars is the most obvious one for him being a tailor for example
Whereas shamura is the (main) undertaker , Leshy and Heket are the two missionary party leaders , and Narinders isnt very obvious but hes considered the gladiator :-3c
Lamb and Goat (Allure & Giuseppe) are the two leaders of the cult!! (Allure main leader, giuseppe co leader) As time went on and giuseppe settled in allure's cult , the name changed from just alluring lamb to the cult of death and wisdom ,,, Ram (aaliyah) isnt a very repetitive person that shows up at the cult since she has her own cult to run (within another universe , a war cult specifically) but she likes to show up every so often just to check in with her brother [giuseppe] :>c
And ofc how could i forget wilt lol- i forgot to add giuseppes cape here Woops ,, But its what giuseppes main clothes r in the other cult
And well i kinda wanted to incorporate the healed designs ,, another thing i wanted to add is that i constantly yap about them all being rlly strong (minus Narinder however- i believe he wouldn't be able to go on crusades or missionaries due to fibromyalgia) but its not too obvious either ,, id def say that leshy and allure are probably the strongest out of everyone else (leshy can summon roots from the ground and uses his body as an advantage, where as to allure their main weapon is withholding a heavy axe ,, but that shit is Not Easy so both leshy and allure are bottom heavy cuz of that- their back muscles and legs carry shit for the both of them HELPP)
Shamura isnt exactly a battlefield person though, they're probably the only bishop to not wanting to fight ?? Those days r Way behind them ,, Kallamar can make himself taller due to Allure reserving some strength left of the blue crown as apart of a compromise they were forced to make with kallamar to stay within the cult-
One thing in common Giuseppe and Narinder have is pacifism ,, narinder is a pacifist because of seeing allure so ill and he didnt actually like seeing people in pain- whereas Giuseppe is pacifist because hes a god of wisdom nd prefers to take things with a lighter approach. The complete opposites of those two are Allure and Aaliyah, theyre both aiming for any type of genocidal route because of what they went through for both the lamb and goat genocides occuring in different worlds of theirs ,, giuseppe doesnt rlly like crusading with allure for that reason 😭 even though aaliyah is Much worse since shes a god of war- its just the way that bloodthirst makes giuseppe incredibly uncomfortable,, to see such a shy lamb act the opposite on their crusades is Lowkey what terrifies him lmao-
Herrmm ,, heket and kallamar are pretty similiar in the stances of not rlly gaf-ing about fighting and crusades ,, heket is good at stealth and kallamar just aims right for the target because shi's just Impatient-
Okay thats all the yapping i have left in me fur now i also have these to share
The only decency here is giuseppe lmaooo 😭🙏
Oh one last thing is heights :-3
(Shamura is 4'7, Ram is 5'1, Lamb is 5'5, Narinder is 6'0, Goat is 6'1, Kallamar is 6'3, Heket is 6'6, and Leshy is 7'2 ,, Idk why i put sozo there but maybe bc its fur my own reference)
#sydneys doodles#cotl#cult of the lamb#mystic pursuit#regretful war & regretful wisdom#Teehee lyndwyrm leshy is Real#Ive had this in drafts fur like two days so idk if what i wrote down below the cut made any sense . Or even above 🗿#I also have alternative outfits but maybe ill put them all in a separate post one day-#if it wasnt obvious the color black is a consistent color in their clothes !! However kallamar is built different and#shi refuses 2 wear anything dark 😔 in spite of allure anyways-#narinder#lamb#the lamb#goat#the goat#the ram#ram#shamura#kallamar#heket#leshy
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books & stuff!!
i have been meaning to make this post for months now lol oops :') have been asked to recommend books and stuff so here i am finally, i will update with more as i go along and link what i can find. enjoy!
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Islam
made a list of reads and resources for sisters looking into islam on reddit, indeed this blog was first made with the purpose of sharing things abt islam & muslim daily life & med stuff. so by popular request (a beloved moot lol) i present to u
*:・゚✧ links to playlists:
5 pillars made plain (a playlist going through the foundation upon which Islam is built. Islam 101 if you will)
My moment of conviction (when reverts realised they were on the right path)
Jesus in Islam (learn how Muslims see Isa peace be upon him)
Keys to prophetic parenting (parenting from the perspective of the best of mankind!)
*:・゚✧ resources in general:
Quran.com (listen to the Quran, read the tafsir (exegesis), and peruse reflections left by users)
Sunnah.com (books of Hadith (narrations of the prophet peace be upon him) categorised according to authenticity, the best of which belonging to Sahih Muslim and Sahih Bukhari may God be pleased with them both)
and:
Yaqeen institute (website & youtube)
Mufti Menk (scholar and speaker, passionate, sometimes funny, always informative) & my favourite dad joke of his lol
*:・゚✧ books i have:
Islam for younger people (i reread this often ^-^)
Islam beliefs and teachings (this ones in my dads office lol)
answers to non muslims' common questions about islam (direct and satisfactory)
in the early hours (a book gifted to me and is dear to my heart)
islamic manners (another gift, a must read for everyone really)
God bless! *throws sparkles*
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my library
sadly i am not as well read as i would like to be lol, my lil library is limited to the books i grew up with; a few older children novels and some non-fiction. i mainly want to read classics, literature and poetry alike, like shakespeare, the bronte sisters, jane austen, edgar allan poe and the like. ive been meaning to expand for years, but alas, i have yet to find the time (and motivation) to do so. not really into ya, id love to read crime and mystery though (like agatha christie) one day. wow just remembered my sherlock holmes phase while writing this :D
*:・゚✧ currently reading (and i use the term reading very loosely lol):
the posthumous memoirs of bras cubas (download link)
the iliad - homer
the odyssey - also homer
probably more i forgor
*:・゚✧ on my shelf (physical and metaphorical):
the black death - philip ziegler
hagakure - yamamoto tsunetomo
the ones who walk away from omelas (rec from a moot :3)
as long as the lemon trees grow - zoulfa katouh
there will come soft rains - ray bradbury
*:・゚✧ favourite & most beloved reads:
the anne series (esp anne of the island)
children of the new forest
the secret garden
companions of the prophet (comfort reads of mine. also i have the revised edition and i only found my book 2, heres a pdf tho)
*:・゚✧ others:
toxic childhood - sue palmer (was reading parenting books at 15 lol. tbf its a great read. i also had no friends so)
theres a sequel too (detoxing childhood)
a short history of the ottoman empire - erhan afyoncu (this is the only link i found beside amazon :'))
living in the ottoman lands: identities, administration & warfare (turkiye was beautiful & i still feel guilty abt not reading these two)
probably more i also forgor
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thank u for reading this far and being patient with me i really appreciate it lol. happy reading!!
for my beloveds @notsolonedesert & @sporadicallyanenthusiast <3
#no im not procrastinating what makes u say that#God bless the internet archive. may its shadow never grow less#books#recs#hallelujah#i have achieved only this since the morning#and had lunch#NOT PROOFREAD#feel free to recommend yalls faves :D
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i rlly like ur composition, i wanna know about your process :D
thank uuu !! yeah so like. composing a scene for me generally begins with a vague idea that i want to get down as quickly as possible- and for me that usually starts with finding a setting. I knew that i wanted to draw a) a group of roomates gossiping in a crowded kitchen and i wanted there to be b) one figure in the extreme foreground and c) lots of plants. i do use some tools to figure out perspective, mainly the csp perspective ruler. Usually i start by finding a picture i like similar to the vibe im going for- but instead of referencing anything else- im purely interested in perspective. sorry to anyone who is shocked i dont generate all of my perspective purely by myself- i can draw in perspective fairly well but i struggle to make straight lines and this is easier to make grids with than the line tool lol ^_^ i try to use it kinda more like spellcheck on typos than like something to fully rely on. this is the video i learned this trick from:
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i saw the left photo and realllly loved how the cabinets alligned with the wall- so i used my ruler tool to draw out my inital plotted points from the image- basically the linear movements i was most interested in and then i turned off the image layer and worked with those lines and the ruler tool to move on. eventually i had this:
which was enough for me to put my characters in for the inital round. if you notice- i made a looot of further adjustments as i go on. this sketch is not a final layout, its so my characters have somewhere to be! i cannot draw someone standing on a floor if theres no floor, nor leaning on a table that doesnt exist. i can’t draw my characters without a background, but i also cant finish my background without accounting for how my characters can comfortably exist in it!!
this was the like.. very basic start. i knew the positions of two characters- but i needed to change a lot not only to fit them better but to allow for the other two figures i had planned.
okay.. a little better. i widened the kitchen, closed the fridge door.. added a chair and fit in all the figures.. but this is waaay too dramatic. only two figures are actually interacting- and they are at wildly different energy levels!
this is where things started to make a little more sense characterwiss, so i was ready to refine backgrounds and figures and unite the two.
inital base sketch. much better layout.
okay- this is where im getting my footing but things seem.. really really off. You can see me working on my framing here- theres some good linear movement from left to right here- but not vertically. It’s hard to notice the figure in the far back, so i need to redirect the viewers eye to move upwards as well!
this is where i decided to zoom out, add an interesting vertical element to the left of the image and make it clearer whats happening in the foreground. i had to account for some stuff by adjusting the cropping, but i paid attention to that as well.
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annnd- thats what a clean sketch looks for me! i have all the elements of my scene accounted for, and things are clean enough to read.
the next step for me would be transfer! essentially- I print the image of my sketch out, resizing and taping pages together so my sketch matches the size of the paper i want to paint on, and then i use a lightboard to transfer my sketch with pencil onto my paper. Then i refine the sketch a few times on paper before stretching my watercolor paper (essentially just prepping for painting) and inking with a brush and colored ink before going in with watercolor, gouache and ink, then usually finishing with marker, colored pencil, pastel and ink. it’s a lengthy process but a lot of fun lol. but sketches for me can be like.. 15 layers of different roughs until im happy with just the sketch. there were more images but im on mobile and theres a 10 image limit 😭😭 im a bit masochistic but i believe that if i dont have a good sketch i dont have a good painting!!
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hey hey! its one of your readers on ao3 i realized i can ask questions on tumblr so i am trying it out. this may be a controversial question as opinions vary greatly from person to person lool but i am curious being a fellow fan of aot and a fan of your work, so, what did you think about the ending to aot? 👀
(personally i subscribe to a specific fan theory (NOT ANR GOD FORBID i rebuke it!) to keep hope alive in my heart that theres more aot to come cause i did not like the ending much so basically, theres no judgement from me srsly im delulu myself as it stands 😭💯)
anyway thats all thank you for writing left behind and answering my question (potentially)! hope you have a great rest of your day :D
Yeah I know your nickname haha and you can ask or yap about anything!
Ahh yes the ending opinions where swords are drawn two minutes into the debate lol and it’s annoying that people can’t state their thoughts as freely because of the toxicity from every side. This is going to be long I’m sorry😭
I personally didn’t like the ending that much either. I don’t think it’s as bad as people make it out to be, I mean we’ve all seen GoT, but I know a story like AoT could’ve done a little bit better than that, so. It’s not that I wanted Eren to live happily ever after, because his death made the most sense even before I knew about it, but it’s the execution of the episode in general that makes it feel rushed for me.
Mikasa killing him is a beautifully tragic twist, I started bawling my eyes out right there, but I wish the cabin scene was done differently. For me it didn’t feel as raw and honest as the Eren-Armin convo, which I’m not the biggest fan of either, but I’ve always wanted more communication for Eremika so maybe that makes me bitter. Let me see them talk about the table scene and let me see Eren apologise to her. It’s their last moment together, I wanted to see more emotion and honesty rather than an already established relationship that they did off camera. I get what it’s trying to show, and the scene itself is not bad, but I was just a big EM shipper at the time and hoped for more. (I felt the same back when he told her he would wrap that scarf around her forever and always. It hit me just in the right place I remember wanting them to talk about it afterwards but nothing was said.) Same with the memories he gave back to his friends, I’d have liked to see them talk. Him opening his eyes one last time to see her was beautiful no comment there.
Other than that I also LOVED when Levi saluted his friends and comrades! Liked his internal monologue where he said he didn’t regret not bringing Erwin back (Which also made me wish we could’ve seen Armin coming up with impressive strategies and ideas like he used to.)
I liked how Hange was sent off, but I missed them in the final fight.
I really liked the rumbling montage with Guilty Hero playing and Armin’s VA pouring her heart out + that cry at the end when Armin sees Eren. The Levi&Mikasa team-up/final stand was amazing. Those were all done nicely, but that’s pretty much it for me.
For some reason I wasn’t vibing with Annie. I mean she was never my fav but her in season one and in her ova was so much more interesting to me.
I was left underwhelmed by the final fight considering we’ve had great battles like RTS and Liberio previously, it does not compare in my opinion. I understand that Eren won’t kill his friends and I definitely agree with that, but something else could’ve been done with Ymir to make the stakes higher. The ancient titans didn’t feel threatening when you just knew no one was going to die, especially when Falco (first time flying) could dodge all of their arrows.
When everyone there turned into titans, like Jean and Connie, I would’ve preferred if they stayed titans and died when the curse ended. Bringing them back a few minutes later is just meh for me, and makes the emotions I’ve felt a one time thing only because that Jean&Connie dialogue didn’t hit the same afterwards. Not to mention that Connie’s mom was brought back only for us to not see their reunion lol.
Ymir’s storyline was interesting when Eren saw her memories, but after that she lost me a bit. I also don’t like that that *chef’s kiss* scene with Eren telling her she’s just a person didn’t free her at all, that killing Zeke stopped the Rumbling, that Levi was nerfed for the sake of the fight. If all these decisions were done in a slightly expanded time period, I don’t think I would’ve minded much. Especially the final episode itself was, again, rushed in my opinion.
Also, this isn’t just the finale but Historia being sidelined like that is a no-no for me. Not a fan of how the Hizuru-Mikasa plot line didn’t go anywhere either. That may just be nitpicking, but again I do believe season 4 should’ve been longer, maybe with a season 5 as well.
With all that being said, these are just my personal opinions/feelings and despite all, thematically the author did a good job wrapping everything up. Ending a story like AoT couldn’t have been easy at all. Watching it was an experience I don’t think I’ll ever forget or get over and I’m forever going to miss it. (I’m reading the manga now and the uprising arc has me hooked since it’s a bit different from the anime, and dare I say better?)
The ending didn’t ruin it for me or anything, just sad that I won’t get to see the things I wanted to see because naturally everyone has their own expectations, but what are fanfictions for?
What’s the fan theory that you believe? Other than that ANR I’ve heard about the mist and ouroboros but I’ve never read them in detail.
Thank you for reading Left Behind! I’d also like to state that my criticism of the AoT ending does not mean I’ll write one better lol. I like my ending for my story but I’ve already made peace with the fact that some readers might have problems with it. Which is fine as well because I love a good finale debate.
You have a great day/night as well!💓
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