#no im not procrastinating what makes u say that

[jincapableoflove]

A Jar Full of Us | one-shot

Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader

Genre/Tags: best friend! jungkook, best friend! reader, college! au, unrequited love (?), idiots to lovers, best friends to ??? to lovers, angst, fluff, implied smut.

Summary: You never meant for him to find them. Hundred little confessions, folded away, never meant to be read. But now, they’re in his hands. And Jungkook—your best friend—knows everything. But he doesn’t say a word. He just watches you, with that same unreadable expression, like he’s waiting for something. And this Valentine’s Day, you might just have to find out what.

Inspired by: To All the Boys I've Loved Before

Word count: 10.2K+

Warnings: arguments, jungkook is a jerk, misunderstandings (a lottt of it), angstttt, reader and jk are huge idiots, mutual pining, implied smut (its not too detailed so that the story maintains the emotional connectivity), romantic intimacy, tooth-rotting fluff.

MOODBOARD

A/N: HERE IT ISSS! this is the longest fic ive written! tysm for all the support yall have given me in the teaser of this fic. i put out a taglist thinking no one would actually want to be a part of it but so many of yall asked to be tagged 😭 im so grateful! tysm i hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writng it. lmk ur thoughts abt it after u read too <3 ALSO HAPPY VALENTINES DAYYY (someone date me pls)

The door clicks shut behind you as you step into the dorm, kicking off your shoes with a tired sigh. The evening air still clings to your skin, carrying traces of laughter and the lingering warmth of Jungkook’s presence.

It had been another perfect night—one filled with inside jokes, stolen bites of each other’s food, and his usual exasperated attempts to get you to study.

Joy, your roommate, is nowhere in sight, giving you the solitude you need. You don’t hesitate. Your steps are purposeful as you cross the room, crouching down beside your bed. With practiced ease, you reach under the frame, fingers brushing against the familiar surface of a small pink, heart-shaped box. You pull it out carefully, as if it were a fragile secret, and place it on your lap.

A soft breath escapes you as you grab a nearby pen and a book, neatly tearing out a tiny slip of paper. The motion is second nature now. Without even thinking, you let your emotions spill onto the paper, crafting a fleeting moment into something permanent.

Tonight’s memory is simple, but it still tugs at your heart. Jungkook had sent you another blurry picture of the moon, captioned with a casual, “Looks kinda pretty, right?” He knew how much you loved the moon—how it fascinated you in a way you could never quite put into words. And he had remembered. Of course, he had remembered.

A fond smile tugs at your lips as you write:

Jungkook remembers the little things.

Once the ink dries, you fold the note with care and add it to the collection. The box is almost full now, brimming with countless tiny confessions—whispers of feelings you’ve never had the courage to say aloud. A hundred little moments, a hundred little thoughts, all dedicated to the boy who had unknowingly stolen your heart.

Jungkook.

Jungkook, your best friend, who always saves you the last bite of his food, even when it’s his favorite. Jungkook, who sends you blurry pictures of the moon just because he knows you love them. Jungkook, who insists on studying with you, despite his major being entirely different from yours, just so he can make sure you actually open a book instead of procrastinating.

This little tradition of yours had started as a joke. One night, after an especially soft moment where Jungkook had wordlessly placed his hoodie over your head because you were shivering, you had scribbled on a piece of paper: Jungkook is warmer than the sun.

You had smiled to yourself as you rolled up the paper and dropped it into the box. It had felt oddly nice—preserving that moment, capturing the feeling of it in something tangible. So you did it again. And again. And again.

Until, one day, you realized you had written over a hundred of them.

You hadn’t meant to fall in love. And you certainly hadn’t planned to confess.

But each tiny slip of paper holds a truth your heart refuses to say aloud.

And you're going to keep it a secret forever.

You met Jungkook almost three years ago, during freshman year. The first time you met him, he had been infuriatingly kind.

You had been struggling under the weight of a precariously tall stack of books, barely able to see over them, when suddenly, a few disappeared from the top. Startled, you looked up to see Jungkook grinning at you, effortlessly holding the books you had nearly dropped.

"You looked like you were about to tip over," he teased, his dark eyes twinkling with amusement.

With a playful huff, you had responded, "Maybe I wanted it to tip over."

Jungkook had only laughed, shaking his head. "I'll catch you next time," he had promised.

That night, you had written a tiny note and slipped it into your box: He wants to catch me when I fall, even without me asking.

From that moment on, your friendship grew in ways you hadn’t even noticed at first. Midnight walks and late-night study sessions became routine, pulling you closer together with every shared moment. What had started as swapping notes for the one class you had together turned into sharing secrets. Somewhere along the way, before you even realized it, Jungkook had become your favorite person.

The box was almost full now.

You had written so many things over the years, each note capturing a small piece of him, a fragment of your feelings. Some were simple observations:

Jungkook frowns when he eats something delicious.

His hair is always a mess in the mornings. He hates it, but I love it.

His eyes smile before his lips do.

But one night, you had written something different. Something deeper. Something that felt like the truest thing you had ever put to paper.

I love him.

The moment the ink dried, panic had set in. You had almost torn it up, almost removed it from the box as if keeping it there would somehow make it real. But in the end, you had left it. Because the box was safe. No one was going to see it.

Especially not Jungkook.

One afternoon, you came back from your classes, ready to relax and unwind before the stress of exams fully set in. You had been looking forward to a quiet evening, maybe even a movie marathon with Jungkook to take your mind off things for a while.

But the moment you stepped into your dorm, you felt something was off.

Joy was sitting on the couch, sipping her coffee, her expression smug—too smug. A knowing smirk curled at the corners of her lips as she watched you walk in, and instantly, your stomach twisted with unease.

You narrowed your eyes. "What did you do?"

"I did you a favor," she said casually, taking another slow sip of her coffee.

A cold shiver ran down your spine. "What favor?" you asked, dread creeping into your voice.

Joy grinned. "I found that little cute box of yours."

Your heart stopped. "What?"

"Don't look at me like that," she waved a hand dismissively, as if what she was about to say wasn’t about to shatter your entire world. "It was just sitting there collecting dust, and I thought—what a perfect Valentine's Day gift for Jungkook. So…I wrapped it up and dropped it off at his place."

Silence.

A deafening, all-consuming silence as her words echoed in your head.

"You WHAT?!"

Your entire body froze in place, your breath catching in your throat as horror washed over you in waves. Your chest felt tight, your pulse roaring in your ears.

Joy merely raised an eyebrow, seemingly unbothered by the sheer panic on your face. "You're welcome," she said cheekily—before promptly sprinting out of the room for her life.

But you couldn’t chase after her. You couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think past the ringing in your ears.

No. No. No.

This couldn't be happening.

Still desperate to deny the possibility, you dropped to your knees and scrambled to check under your bed, your hands shaking as you reached into the familiar space where you had hidden the box for years.

Empty.

It was gone.

The tiny wooden box that held a hundred little moments, a hundred little secrets—your secrets—was gone.

And now it was in Jungkook's hands.

Of all people…Jungkook.

Jungkook lived in an apartment a little further away from your dorm. The second the realization hit, you bolted out the door without a second thought, heart pounding so hard it nearly drowned out the sound of your footsteps against the pavement.

Your plan was simple—get to his apartment before he did. You knew his habits well enough to guess that he was probably grabbing a late lunch at that fast-food place near campus. If luck was on your side, you still had time.

He hadn’t seen it yet.

He couldn’t have seen it yet.

As you ran, your mind spiraled into chaos, bombarding you with every possible scenario—each one worse than the last.

What if he had already opened it?

What if he read through every single note?

What if he found the one that said I love him?

Your stomach twisted painfully at the thought.

Jungkook was your best friend.

He was your person.

And now, he might know that you wanted to be more than just friends.

The mere thought made your chest tighten as memories of the two of you flashed through your mind. The times you spent together at the arcade, the countless movie nights, the time you and Jungkook had crashed Jimin’s birthday party with a ridiculous amount of booze.

And then…there was that moment.

The moment you almost confessed.

"I wish I could find someone who truly understood me," he had said one night, his voice softer than usual, lost in thought.

And you had almost said it. The words had been on the tip of your tongue, so painfully close—"I do."

But you swallowed them down.

Because what if he didn’t feel the same way? What if saying those words ruined everything?

And now, thanks to Joy, you didn’t have a choice anymore. The truth was out there, sitting in a neatly wrapped box in Jungkook’s apartment.

The thought of his reaction sent your mind into overdrive.

Would he laugh?

Would he think it was weird?

Would he—

Would he reject you?

No. No. No.

You shook your head violently as you rounded the corner, lungs burning from the sprint. You’re going to get there before he does. You’re going to take the box back, and he’s never going to know about it.

That was the plan.

It had to work.

As soon as you reached Jungkook’s apartment building, you barely paused to catch your breath. Your legs ached from running, but panic kept you moving. You made a beeline for the mailbox section in the lobby, frantically scanning the names, searching for his.

Box 109.

You yanked it open.

Empty.

Your stomach sank.

Maybe his roommate took it upstairs? Yeah. That had to be it. Maybe it was sitting untouched on the kitchen counter, still wrapped, still safe, still unseen.

You latched onto that sliver of hope as you rushed up the stairs two at a time, unwilling to wait for the elevator. By the time you reached his floor, your hands were shaking. You raised a fist and knocked on the door, urgency making your knuckles sting.

No response.

You knocked again, harder this time.

Then—finally—you heard shuffling from inside. A few footsteps. The creak of the floorboards. A pause.

The door swung open.

And there he was.

Jungkook.

Standing right in front of you, framed in the dim light of his apartment, wearing an oversized grey hoodie that draped over his frame in a way that shouldn't have been so unfairly attractive. His dark hair was slightly damp, messy from a shower, strands falling into his eyes. His lips were parted in surprise, his brows slightly furrowed, and the expression on his face—confused yet soft, dangerously soft—made your already erratic heartbeat lurch violently.

But then, your gaze dropped to his hands.

And the world stopped.

The box.

The open box.

Your box.

Your secret, sacred collection of unsent confessions, of words meant only for the safety of your own solitude. The pieces of your heart you had never dared to show him.

You felt like you were going to be sick.

No, no, no, no—

"You—" You gasped, barely able to form words, chest rising and falling rapidly as you fought for air. "You opened it?"

Jungkook blinked, holding the box loosely in one hand, fingers curled around the edges as if he had been going through its contents just moments ago. He tilted his head, his expression unreadable.

"Yeah," he said simply, as if the weight of the universe hadn’t just come crashing down on you.

Oh. Oh no.

Your legs wobbled. You had to physically stop yourself from collapsing right there in front of him.

His gaze flickered downward, and you followed it instinctively. In his other hand, he held one of the notes. One of your notes. The handwriting was unmistakably yours, a little smudged, a little rushed, but still legible.

He cleared his throat, then read aloud.

"I don’t know when it happened. But one day, he became my favorite person."

Silence.

It stretched on for what felt like an eternity.

You thought you might actually pass out.

"Jungkook, I—" Your voice cracked, but before you could even attempt to explain, he looked up and met your eyes.

And then, to your absolute horror—

He smiled.

Not a teasing smirk, not an awkward grimace, but a real, genuine, knowing smile. A little shy, a little amused, as if the weight of what he had just discovered didn’t terrify him nearly as much as it did you.

And then—oh god—he spoke again.

"So… do you still think my hair looks best when it’s messy?"

Your breath hitched.

Your brain went blank.

You wanted to scream.

The change was almost instant.

In the days that followed, Jungkook became… different.

Not in the way you had imagined, though.

You had been bracing yourself for a talk—a conversation where he’d tell you gently, maybe even apologetically, that he didn’t feel the same way. Or, at the very least, a moment of awkwardness before things slowly went back to normal.

But instead, Jungkook just… pulled away.

It started subtly at first. He stopped texting as much. The late-night calls that once lasted for hours dwindled into one-word replies and seen messages. The casual lunch meetups, the spontaneous arcade runs, the easy, natural way he used to gravitate towards you in a crowded room—all of it changed.

And yet, despite the distance, he never fully let you go.

Instead, he turned it into a joke.

Like today, when he leaned in—far too close for comfort—during your shared class. His voice was low, teasing, the warmth of his breath fanning against your ear.

"So, I’m warmer than the sun, huh?"

You stiffened instantly, your hands tightening around your pen. He pulled back with a smirk, his dark eyes glittering with mischief as he watched your reaction unfold in real-time.

It was unbearable.

He kept doing it.

Whenever you tried to talk to him—really talk to him—he would either dodge the conversation entirely or turn it into something lighthearted, something unserious.

Like the time you finally found him alone, determined to just get it over with, to ask what had changed between you two. Before you could even get the words out, he cut you off with another one of those smirks, his voice laced with amusement.

"So I look best in black? Good to know."

And then he walked away.

That was when you finally got the message.

Jungkook had taken it as a joke.

He didn’t care about your feelings.

It was like the caring, affectionate boy you had known for years had vanished the moment your heart had been laid bare. Like now that the truth was out in the open, he didn’t know how to handle it—so he chose to mock it instead.

And worst of all?

He was pulling away from you completely.

The time you used to spend together? Gone. He was hanging out with other people now, filling his days with anyone but you. And when you did manage to cross paths, he only acknowledged you through those insufferable little comments, those cruel reminders of the things you had never meant for him to see.

It hurt. More than you wanted to admit.

Because maybe—just maybe—you had hoped that if he knew how you felt…

He wouldn’t push you away like this.

The next week brought the on-campus career fair—an event mandatory for all students. You weren’t particularly excited about it, but at least it was a distraction, something to keep your mind occupied.

Or so you thought.

Because that’s when you saw him.

And he wasn’t alone.

He was walking around with Hana, a junior from your college. They moved easily through the crowd, side by side, completely immersed in conversation. And then, to make things even worse—he laughed.

A real laugh. The kind that made his nose scrunch up and his eyes crinkle, the kind you hadn’t heard in what felt like forever.

Your stomach twisted.

You weren’t expecting him to make it this obvious.

If he wanted to reject you, fine. If he didn’t feel the same way, you could live with that. But did he really have to parade it around like this?

Maybe this was his way of sending a message. Maybe he wanted you to know, without actually having to say it out loud.

A silent rejection.

What a jerk.

These days, you barely have the motivation to attend classes. You go through the motions—waking up, dragging yourself to campus, sitting through lectures—but your mind isn’t really there.

Because no matter how hard you try to distract yourself, the brutal reality of rejection lingers like a shadow, following you everywhere you go.

Jungkook threw away your feelings like they meant nothing.

You should have expected it, right? You should have known this was how it would turn out.

Maybe you were never meant to be anything more than a friend to him. Maybe, the moment he realized you held deeper feelings for him, he got scared. Or worse—maybe he just didn’t care at all.

The thought makes your chest ache.

Jungkook has always been a romantic at heart. You’ve seen it in the way he talks about love, in the way he watches romance movies with a dreamy look in his eyes. But clearly, you were never part of that dream.

And now, because of your stupid feelings, you’ve ruined everything.

You used to be his best friend. The one he joked around with, the one he trusted, the one he leaned on.

But now?

Now he barely looks at you.

And if he does, it's only to throw some teasing remark your way—like your feelings were some kind of joke.

The person you were most angry at was Joy.

Not Jungkook. Not yourself.

Joy.

Because none of this would have happened if she had just left that damn box alone.

That day after the box incident, the moment you stepped back into your dorm, she was there, lounging on the couch like nothing had happened. She glanced up as you walked in, a smirk already forming on her lips.

“I didn’t expect you to come back so early. I thought you guys would—” she wiggled her eyebrows—“get freaky after the whole confession, you know?”

She laughed, expecting you to groan or throw a pillow at her like usual.

But then she saw your face.

Her laughter faded. “Wait… what happened?”

You didn’t answer. You just walked past her and sank into the couch, staring at nothing, your mind still replaying every moment from earlier—Jungkook’s teasing, his smirk, his distance.

You heard Joy shuffle closer, her voice softer now. “I… I’m sorry. Did I send the gift too early? Did Jungkook not like it?”

You let out a hollow laugh. “Oh, no, he loved it.” You turned to her, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “Thank you so much for your help, Joy.”

Her expression faltered. “Wait… what do you mean?”

You shook your head, exhaling sharply. “Jungkook probably thinks I’m pathetic now.”

Joy winced. She sat beside you on the couch, guilt written all over her face. “I— I really thought—” she hesitated, chewing on her lip. “I was so sure, though. That boy always had heart eyes for you.”

You let out a bitter chuckle. “Well, now you know he didn’t.”

Silence settled between you both.

And for the first time, Joy didn’t have anything to say.

The next time you see Jungkook, he’s with Hana again.

They’re standing by one of the campus notice boards, deep in conversation. You don’t mean to eavesdrop—you’re not even sure why you stop—but the moment you hear them talking, something in your gut tells you to listen.

Hana tilts her head, her voice low but clear. “Are you sure she won't find out?”

Jungkook sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t know… Maybe it's better this way”

Your breath catches in your throat.

Your first instinct is denial—maybe they’re not talking about you. Maybe it’s about someone else entirely. But deep down, you know.

As far as you’re aware, there isn’t another she in Jungkook’s life. Not before. Not when you were still close.

You’ve already been replaced.

Your chest aches as you piece it together. He doesn't want you to find out—because he's probably in a relationship with Hana now. Because he doesn’t want to hurt you with a direct rejection, he thinks hiding his relationship with her is the kinder option.

It isn’t.

You swallow the lump in your throat and force yourself to step back, turning away from the scene before you can hear any more.

You decide then—no matter how much it hurts, no matter how pathetic it makes you feel—you can’t bear being apart from Jungkook.

Even if he doesn’t love you back.

Even if he only sees you as a friend.

Losing him completely? That’s not something you’re ready for. Maybe you never will be.

So, you do the only thing you can think of.

You wait for him after class.

Your heart pounds against your ribs as you watch the door, your hands clammy with nerves. When Jungkook finally steps out, your breath catches. He looks the same—same hoodie, same soft brown eyes—but everything feels different now.

Taking a deep breath, you step forward.

"I get it, okay?" you say, voice firm despite the way your throat tightens. "You don’t like me. And that’s fine. I hope she makes you happy."

Jungkook halts mid-step.

His jaw clenches. His fists curl at his sides.

"You don’t understand," he mutters.

"Then make me understand, Jungkook," you plead. You take a shaky breath, forcing yourself to keep going, even as your last shred of dignity slips through your fingers. "Can we still be friends, at least?"

Silence.

Jungkook doesn’t reply.

And somehow, that hurts more than rejection ever could.

There's a party happening, hosted by one of the biggest party animals on campus. Everyone is invited, and Joy insists that you go.

After much convincing, you finally give in. You've mended things with her—finally forgiven her. Maybe it wasn’t entirely her fault. Maybe you just needed someone to blame.

You decide to go, hoping for a distraction. Maybe the music, the drinks, and the endless chatter will help you forget, even if just for a night.

But you already know Jungkook will be there.

Probably Hana too.

And that's fine.

You'll just stay out of their way.

The party is in full swing when you arrive—loud music, flashing lights, bodies moving wildly on the dance floor, and the unmistakable smell of booze in the air. Bottles are being passed around, and the energy is electric.

A few friends from your classes spot you and pull you in, offering drinks. You take them all without hesitation, reaching for the strongest ones, letting the alcohol burn away the ache in your chest.

Jungkook is nowhere in sight.

Good. Maybe he didn’t come. Maybe you can actually enjoy yourself tonight.

With the alcohol settling in, your limbs feel lighter, your mind a little hazy. You dance to the outdated playlist blaring through the speakers, laugh with strangers, and let yourself let go—just for a while.

But after some time, it all feels like too much. The heat, the noise, the overwhelming buzz in your veins. You slip away from the crowd and make your way to the rooftop, breathing in the crisp night air, letting it cool your flushed skin.

And then you sense it—someone else's presence.

You turn, your head spinning slightly, and there he is.

Jungkook.

You blink, wondering if you're imagining him, but his gaze is fixed on you, a slight furrow between his brows. There's something like concern in his expression as he watches you, taking in your drunken state.

Your heart stumbles in your chest.

The alcohol makes everything feel lighter—your body, your thoughts, your inhibitions. So when you see Jungkook standing there, looking at you with that unreadable expression, the words just spill out before you can stop them.

“I liked you, you know,” you mumble, swaying slightly. “But now I realize… I was just wasting my time.”

Jungkook doesn’t react. No apology, no denial, not even a flicker of emotion across his face.

He just exhales softly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “You’ll be fine,” he says simply, then turns on his heel and walks away.

Just like that.

The cool night air suddenly feels suffocating, the weight in your chest heavier than ever. You watch his retreating figure, your heart shattering all over again.

The next morning, you wake up with the nastiest headache ever. Your head throbs, your mouth is dry, and your body feels like it’s been wrung out. You groan, forcing yourself to sit up as the hazy memories from last night slowly piece themselves together.

Jungkook. The rooftop. The way he just… walked away like he didn’t care.

You shake the thought from your mind, dragging yourself out of bed. There’s no point dwelling on it. Your exams are approaching, and you need to focus.

Deciding to get some studying done, you head to the library. The quiet atmosphere should help clear your head—or at least distract you from the mess that is your life.

But the moment you step inside, your breath catches.

Jungkook is sitting at the table you both used to frequent, completely absorbed in scribbling something into a notebook. For a second, you consider turning around, but then something catches your eye.

He rips out a small piece of paper, folds it neatly, and—without hesitation—slips it into a glass jar sitting beside him.

Your heart clenches.

Is it for Hana?

You don’t stick around to find out. Before Jungkook can notice you, you turn on your heel and walk away.

February 10th. Your birthday.

You wake up with a small flicker of hope. Maybe today would be different. Maybe Jungkook had been ignoring you all this time because he was planning something—some kind of surprise. That had to be it, right?

Surely.

So you wait.

By 3 PM, your phone is filled with messages—friends, family, even distant relatives reaching out to wish you. Everyone but Jungkook.

Not even a single text.

The hope that had carried you through the day starts to crumble, replaced by a hollow ache in your chest. You don’t go to class. What’s the point? This might just be the worst birthday ever.

That’s when Joy bursts into your room with a grin.

"You got a package!" she announces, holding out a neatly wrapped box.

Your heart leaps.

Jungkook?

You rush over, fingers fumbling as you tear open the wrapping—only for your stomach to drop.

It’s from your parents.

Disappointment washes over you, but you push it aside. They went through the trouble of sending you something, and you should be grateful. You take a deep breath, forcing a smile as you pick up your phone and call them.

"Thank you," you say, voice steady. Because at least someone remembered.

There was still time.

It was only evening—plenty of hours left before midnight. Jungkook would surely text before then. He had to.

Joy, noticing your gloomy mood, tries to lift your spirits. "Come on, let’s go out drinking. Have some fun, at least for your birthday."

But you shake your head. "I’m not in the mood."

She sighs, clearly frustrated but doesn’t push you. Instead, she flops onto your bed, staring at the ceiling. "I hate this," she mutters. "I hate seeing you like this. And I hate him for treating you this way."

Her voice is laced with anger, but there’s something else there too—guilt.

Because deep down, Joy still blames herself.

If she hadn’t sent that gift early, if she hadn’t tried to play cupid, maybe things wouldn’t have turned out this way. Maybe you wouldn’t be spending your birthday like this—waiting for a boy who might never come around.

Jungkook didn’t text that day.

He forgot your birthday.

You waited all day, checking your phone every few minutes, hoping for a message that never came. Midnight passed, and still—nothing.

The realization settles deep in your chest, heavier than you expected. You feel pathetic.

Pathetic for hoping. Pathetic for waiting. Pathetic for still caring.

It’s the day before Valentine’s Day.

You can’t afford to miss any more classes. You haven’t stepped foot on campus since your birthday, but today, you decide to go.

You have no motivation to see or talk to anyone. You tell yourself that you’ll just quietly attend your classes and head straight back home. No distractions. No unnecessary interactions.

But as soon as you reach campus, you notice a crowd gathering. There’s some kind of matchmaking event happening for Valentine’s Day tomorrow.

Great. Just great.

Everything about it feels like the universe is mocking you, rubbing salt on an already raw wound. Heart-shaped decorations, pink confetti floating in the air, and couples laughing—completely oblivious to how suffocating it feels for you.

You try to move past the crowd, but suddenly, someone pushes forward, and you get caught in the chaos. You stumble, losing your balance—bracing for impact—

But you don’t hit the ground.

Because Jungkook catches you.

His hands grip your arms, steadying you out of instinct. His touch is firm and warm, familiar in a way that makes your chest ache.

For the first time in days, you look up at him. And for the first time in days, he looks right back at you.

He doesn’t let go of you immediately.

His grip stays firm, his fingers pressing into your arms like he’s grounding himself, like he’s hesitating. His throat bobs as he swallows hard, his lips parting slightly—like he’s about to say something.

The music playing in the background fades into a distant hum. Everything around you slows. The laughter, the chatter, the festival lights—it all blurs.

All that’s left is him.

Still holding you.

Your voice barely comes out, a whisper against the space between you.

“Do you even care, Jungkook?”

His hands tighten for a fraction of a second. His jaw clenches. And for a brief, fleeting moment, you think you see something—something raw and unspoken flash through his eyes.

But then, like a switch flipping, he lets go.

So fast that you nearly stumble again.

"No, Y/N. I don’t."

His words cut through the air, sharp and merciless.

Then he turns. Walks away.

And you’re left standing there, alone in the middle of a festival meant for love.

This is it.

This is your answer.

Jungkook has made his choice.

And now, it’s time for you to make yours.

You have to move on.

That night, you decide—Jungkook was never meant to be yours.

It’s a painful truth, one you’ve been avoiding, but tonight, you accept it.

Needing a distraction, you start clearing out your closet, pulling out old clothes, forgotten trinkets, anything to keep your hands busy. That’s when you see it.

The pink heart-shaped box.

Your breath hitches.

You had snatched it from his hands that day, barely able to meet his gaze before bolting out of his apartment and driving straight back to your dorm. You had shoved it deep into your closet, hoping that if you buried it away, you could bury your feelings too.

For a moment, you consider throwing it away. What’s the point of holding onto it now? Jungkook knows. He read the notes, saw every piece of your heart laid bare. And in the end, it changed nothing.

Your fingers tremble as you lift the lid.

One by one, you pull out the little folded papers, unfolding memories you once held so close.

"I don’t know when it happened, but one day, he became my favourite person."

"His laugh is my favorite sound."

"I wish he knew how much he means to me."

Tears blur your vision.

You never wanted him to know.

Because you never wanted to lose him.

And now, you have.

The weight of it crashes over you all at once, and before you can stop it, the tears spill over, hot and relentless.

You clutch the notes to your chest as silent sobs wrack your body.

You’ve been holding the pain in for too long.

So tonight, you let the dams break.

And you cry yourself to sleep.

It’s Valentine’s Day.

You feel miserable.

Forget having a Valentine this year—you don’t even have a best friend anymore.

So you stay in bed all day, buried under the covers, refusing to acknowledge the world outside.

Your mind drifts, unbidden, to last year’s Valentine’s Day.

You and Jungkook had gone out for dinner—not as lovers, not as anything more than friends, just two people who didn’t have dates. You remember how he laughed at the terrible restaurant music, how he stole fries from your plate like they were his.

You miss it.

No—wait. You shouldn’t be thinking about him.

Shaking off the thought, you grab your Nintendo Switch and start playing, trying to distract yourself.

Then the doorbell rings.

You ignore it. Joy is probably home—she’ll get it.

But it rings again.

What is Joy doing?

Then it hits you—she probably stayed over at her boyfriend’s place last night.

With a groan, you push off the covers and make your way to the door. You swing it open, ready to shoo away whoever it is—

But there’s no one there.

Your gaze drops to the ground.

And then you see it.

A singular jar, placed carefully on the doormat.

You stare at the jar, a strange sense of familiarity creeping in, but you can’t quite place it.

Where have you seen something like this before?

Your mind scrambles for an answer, flipping through memories like pages in a book, but nothing surfaces.

With hesitant fingers, you reach down and pick it up, feeling the cool glass against your palm. It’s heavier than you expected.

That’s when you notice the writing on the lid, scrawled in red marker.

"To Y/N."

Your heart stutters.

You blink, trying to steady your breath, but the moment feels unreal—like you’ve stepped into a dream.

It’s only then that you notice the jar is filled with tiny rolled-up notes, crammed inside like secrets waiting to be unraveled.

Your mind starts spiraling.

What is this? Who left it? Why does it have your name?

Your hands tremble as you twist the lid open, the slight pop of the seal echoing in the silence.

You reach inside, fingers brushing against the countless little slips of paper.

With bated breath, you pull one out.

You carefully unroll it, eyes scanning the words scribbled in rushed, familiar handwriting.

"I lied."

That’s all it says.

Two words.

Your breath catches in your throat as your eyes trace the messy yet unmistakable handwriting.

Jungkook.

Your fingers tighten around the note as your pulse quickens.

It’s his.

The realization slams into you with a force that leaves you momentarily stunned.

Your breath turns shallow as the memory crashes into you—

Yesterday.

The crowd. The music. The overwhelming blur of people around you.

You had stumbled, nearly falling, only for Jungkook to catch you. For a fleeting moment, he held you close. His grip was firm, his expression unreadable.

You had searched his face, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Do you even care, Jungkook?"

You had wanted him to say yes. Even a little. Anything to make the ache in your chest feel less unbearable.

But instead—

"No, Y/N. I don’t."

His words had cut deeper than you ever thought possible.

And then he had let go. So fast, like touching you had burned him. Like you meant nothing at all.

You remember the way your heart had cracked, the way he had disappeared into the sea of people, leaving you stranded in the middle of a festival meant for love.

But now—

Now you stand here, gripping a jar full of his words.

"I lied."

Your hands fumble as you reach into the jar again, pulling out another note.

Unrolling it with shaky fingers, you read:

"I thought if I pushed you away, it’d be easier for you to move on. But the truth is, I don’t want you to."

A sharp pang strikes your chest.

Your mind reels, and suddenly, you're back at the rooftop party—drunk, vulnerable, spilling your heart out in slurred words.

“I liked you, you know? But now I realize I was just wasting my time.”

Jungkook had stood there, silent, unreadable, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

No apology. No denial. Nothing.

And then, just as effortlessly, he had turned away.

"You'll be fine," he'd said before walking off, leaving you alone in the cold night.

The memory burns like an open wound, and yet, here you are, standing in your doorway, holding the truth he should have told you that night in the palm of your hands.

Your fingers tremble as you pull out the next note.

"I missed your birthday on purpose because I wanted to give you something that lasts longer than a text."

Your breath hitches.

He didn’t forget?

He chose not to text?

A bitter chuckle escapes your lips, but it fades just as quickly as the weight of his words settles in.

You reach into the jar again, pulling out another note, heart pounding against your ribs.

What you didn’t know was—

Jungkook had spent hours writing your birthday note.

He had sat at his desk that night, a dozen crumpled papers around him, rewriting the same message over and over, never satisfied. His hands had been shaky when he finally folded the note and slipped it into the jar.

Because words were permanent.

Because he was afraid.

Because deep down, he knew—if he told you how much you really meant to him, he wouldn’t be able to push you away anymore.

And that terrified him.

Your grip on the jar tightens as you pull out the next note.

"I was scared you’d see me in the library that day. And you did. I almost stopped writing. But I wanted to finish this for you."

Your breath catches in your throat as a memory rushes back—

The library.

That afternoon, when you had finally dragged yourself back to campus to study for your exams, you had seen him sitting at your usual table, scribbling something into his notebook.

At the time, you thought nothing of it—until you watched him tear out a tiny slip of paper and slip it into a jar.

A jar.

The very same one you now hold in your trembling hands.

Back then, you had turned away, assuming it was for Hana.

But it wasn’t.

It was for you.

Every note in this jar was for you.

Your vision blurs as you stare down at the tiny rolled-up messages still waiting to be read.

He had been writing to you all along.

By the time you reach the last few notes, your hands are trembling. Maybe you can’t even read them through the tears clouding your vision. The weight of all those misunderstandings—every ignored confession, every painful silence, every moment you thought he didn’t care—crashes down on you all at once.

Your breath is uneven as you unroll another slip of paper.

"You thought I didn’t care. But I did. I always did."

A sob escapes your lips, the ache in your chest unbearable.

You clutch the jar against you like it’s the most precious thing you’ve ever held—because it is. Because it’s him.

Every unspoken word. Every hidden feeling. Every truth he was too afraid to say aloud.

And now, you finally know.

Your breath catches as you reach the bottom of the jar, realizing the significance—there are exactly 100 notes, just like the box you once gave him.

With shaky hands, you pull out the 99th note.

“I was always bad at saying things out loud. So I wrote them instead. I just hope it’s not too late for you to read them.”

Your chest tightens.

You take a deep breath and reach for the last note, your fingers trembling. Slowly, you unroll it, heart pounding in your ears.

“Y/N, will you be my Valentine?”

The paper almost slips from your fingers as your vision blurs with fresh tears. A shaky laugh escapes your lips, somewhere between disbelief and overwhelming emotion.

After everything, after all the silence, the pain, the misunderstandings—he’s finally saying it.

And suddenly, all that matters is what you’ll do next.

The moment the words register, you don’t think.

The jar nearly slips from your grasp as you scramble to your feet, your heartbeat hammering louder than the thoughts racing through your mind. Jungkook. He couldn’t have gone far—he must have just dropped it off.

You fling the door open, barefoot, barely even stopping to grab your keys. The cold air bites at your skin, but you don’t care. You sprint down the stairs, nearly stumbling in your rush to get outside.

Your eyes dart wildly around the street, your breath coming out in frantic puffs. Where is he?

Then, you see him.

A few feet away, Jungkook is walking slowly, hands in his pockets, head low like he’s already bracing for disappointment. Like he’s already convinced you won’t come after him.

But you do.

“Jungkook!”

He freezes.

You don’t stop running until you’re right in front of him, breathless, clutching the jar close to your chest like it’s the only thing anchoring you to the moment.

His eyes widen when he sees you—messy hair, no shoes, trembling hands still gripping his gift like it’s the most important thing in the world.

You swallow hard, voice shaking. “Did you mean it?”

Jungkook looks at you for a long moment, the night stretching between you like a fragile thread.

Then, barely above a whisper—“Yeah.”

Your chest heaves, breath uneven, voice shaking as you clutch the jar tighter.

"You absolute—jerk." Your voice wavers, but the anger, the hurt, the sheer weight of everything he’s put you through spills out in every word. "You sat there, letting me think I meant nothing to you. And the whole time, you were—" You shake the jar, almost laughing in disbelief. "—writing these?"

Jungkook doesn’t answer. He just stands there, hands stuffed in his pockets, jaw tight, like he’s bracing himself for whatever you’re about to say next.

"You could’ve just told me, Jungkook. You could’ve just—" You pause, gripping the jar like it’s the only thing holding you together. "Why? Why lie to me?"

He exhales sharply, his voice rough, like he’s been holding it in for too long.

"Because I was a coward."

You blink. You weren’t expecting him to admit it so easily.

Jungkook runs a hand through his hair, looking away. "I thought pushing you away was the right thing to do. If I let you think I didn’t care, maybe you’d move on. Maybe you’d find someone who wouldn’t hurt you like I did."

Your throat tightens. Your fingers dig into the glass of the jar. "You were the one hurting me, Jungkook."

His eyes finally meet yours, and the weight of them almost knocks the air from your lungs. He looks wrecked.

"I know." His voice is barely above a whisper.

"Then why?" Your voice trembles, frustration bubbling over. "Why did you let me think I was chasing something that wasn’t even there?"

His jaw clenches, and for a second, he doesn’t answer. But then, his voice comes, low and raw.

"Because I was afraid you’d realize you deserved better."

Silence settles between you. A silence so thick it presses against your chest, making it hard to breathe.

You stare at him, your vision blurring. You should walk away. You should scream, cry—anything. But instead, you do the only thing you can think of.

You reach into the jar, grab a note at random, and shove it into his hand. "Read it."

Jungkook hesitates. Then, slowly, he unfolds the paper. His fingers tremble as he reads the words he once wrote.

"If I had been braver, I would’ve told you every single day how much you meant to me."

He sucks in a sharp breath, gripping the paper like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. His eyes flick back up to yours, burning with something you can’t quite name.

"Say it now," you whisper.

Jungkook's breath catches. His grip on the note tightens like it’s the only thing keeping him together.

You wait. Trembling, heart pounding, eyes locked onto his. Daring him to finally, finally say it.

He exhales shakily. His voice is low, rough—like it hurts to speak, but he does anyway.

"Y/N…"

You don’t look away. Don’t let him run from this.

His throat bobs. His hand curls into a fist at his side, then slowly unclenches.

"I love you."

A sharp inhale cuts through you. Even though you were waiting for it, the words hit like a tidal wave.

Jungkook shakes his head, almost laughing, but there’s no humor in it—just raw, aching regret.

"I loved you then. I love you now. And I don’t think there’s a single version of me that won’t love you."

Your vision blurs, the weight of everything pressing down on you all at once.

"Then why—" your voice cracks, "—why did you let me think you didn’t?"

Jungkook exhales sharply, raking a hand through his hair. His face twists with something close to pain.

"Because I was scared." His voice is barely above a whisper. "Scared that if I let myself have you, I’d ruin you. Scared that you’d wake up one day and realize I wasn’t worth it."

Your hands clench at your sides. "You don’t get to decide that for me."

He nods. Swallows hard. Takes a step closer.

"I know." His voice is softer now. "And if I could go back, I’d do it all differently. But I can’t. All I can do is stand here and tell you—"

Your lips crash into his, years of longing and heartbreak unraveling in a single, desperate moment. Your fingers fist into his jacket, pulling him closer, closing the distance like you’ve been waiting forever. Because you have.

Jungkook catches you. His arms wind tight around your waist, grounding you, anchoring you like he’s afraid you’ll slip away again. His grip is firm, unyielding, as if holding you is the only thing that makes sense anymore.

The kiss isn’t soft—it’s frantic, raw, filled with all the words you never got to say. It’s a confession, an apology, a plea. His lips move against yours with urgency, pouring everything into it, like he’s trying to make up for every second he spent pushing you away.

Jungkook tilts his head, deepening the kiss, and a shiver runs through you as his fingers tangle into your hair, tugging just enough to make your breath hitch. His other hand spreads against your back, pressing you impossibly closer, like even this isn’t enough, like he’d fuse you together if he could.

You melt. Every wall you built, every ounce of anger, every misunderstanding—crumbling, dissolving into the heat of him. The way he kisses you feels like an answer to a question you didn’t know you were asking. Like a promise.

When you finally pull apart, neither of you lets go.

Jungkook rests his forehead against yours, his breath mingling with yours, still uneven, still shaken. His hands remain on your waist like he’s afraid that the second he lets go, this will all disappear.

Your fingers stay curled in his shirt, gripping the fabric like it’s the only thing keeping you grounded.

His voice is raw when he finally speaks, barely more than a whisper. “I don’t deserve you.”

You exhale, shaking your head, the weight of everything still pressing against your chest. Your voice is quiet, but steady. “Then spend every day proving that you do.”

Jungkook lets out a soft laugh—one that sounds broken and real, like he can’t believe he’s still allowed to have this moment with you.

“Deal,” he murmurs.

And then he kisses you again.

The door barely clicks shut before Jungkook is on you again, his hands framing your face as his lips crash into yours. There’s no hesitation now, no careful restraint—only heat, only the raw, aching need that’s been simmering between you for far too long.

His body presses against yours, pushing you back into the door, and you gasp against his lips. He swallows the sound, deepening the kiss, his tongue sweeping over yours with slow, deliberate intent. He tastes like something addictive—like want, like longing, like the kind of hunger that makes your stomach tighten and your knees go weak.

Your fingers tangle in his hair, pulling him closer, needing him closer. His hands roam down, slipping under the hem of your shirt, fingertips skimming along your bare skin. His touch is scorching, leaving a trail of fire wherever he moves. He pauses, his breath ragged, lips barely brushing yours.

"Tell me to stop," he murmurs, voice rough, uneven.

You shake your head, tilting your chin up until your lips ghost over his again. "I don’t want you to stop."

The words break something inside him.

His mouth crashes onto yours again, hungrier this time, more desperate. His hands slide up your back, pulling you flush against him, and you can feel the hard lines of his body, the way his chest rises and falls unsteadily against yours. One hand grips your waist, fingers digging in just enough to make you shudder, while the other slides lower, gripping your thigh and hitching it up against his hip.

A quiet moan escapes you at the feeling, and he groans in response, pressing harder into you. His lips leave yours, trailing a path down your jaw, to the sensitive spot beneath your ear, where he lingers. His teeth scrape lightly against your skin before he soothes it with his tongue, sucking gently, enough to make you arch into him, enough to make your breath hitch.

"Jungkook—" His name leaves your lips in a breathless whisper, and he exhales sharply against your skin, like the sound is enough to undo him.

His grip tightens as he lifts you effortlessly, hands settling under your thighs. Instinct takes over, and your legs wrap around his waist as he carries you across the room. He lays you down on the bed with care, but there’s nothing careful about the way he follows you down, covering your body with his own.

He hovers above you, his breath warm against your lips, his dark eyes searching yours. His thumb brushes over your cheek, then lower, tracing the curve of your bottom lip, his touch unbearably light.

"You’re sure?" he whispers, voice thick with something heady.

Your only answer is a whispered "Yes," breathless, certain.

Something shifts in him at your words. His lips find yours again, but this time, he takes his time—exploring, savoring, as if he wants to memorize every inch of you. His kisses trail downward, along the curve of your neck, across your collarbone, his mouth mapping out a path of heat and sensation. His hands move with just as much purpose, slipping under fabric, pushing it aside, fingers tracing bare skin with an intimacy that makes your pulse stutter.

Every brush of his lips, every slow, deliberate touch sends waves of electricity through you, igniting something deep and primal. Clothes are discarded in slow, teasing movements, the heat between you building with every layer that falls away.

His lips ghost over your shoulder, down your arm, over the curve of your breasts, his breath hot and uneven. He watches you, eyes dark with something intense, something almost reverent, as his fingers trace slow, lazy patterns along your bare skin.

"You’re so beautiful," he murmurs, voice filled with something deeper than desire.

You reach for him, pulling him back up, needing his mouth on yours again, needing more. He obliges, kissing you fiercely, like he never wants to stop, like this moment has been waiting to happen for far too long.

His hands explore moving towards your heat, his touch reverent yet possessive, like he’s memorizing every inch of you, like he’s making up for all the lost time. You arch into him, breath hitching, hands gripping onto his shoulders as heat coils low in your stomach.

"Jungkook," you whisper, his name falling from your lips like a plea.

His breath catches, and he exhales shakily. "I’ve got you," he murmurs against your skin, voice barely above a whisper. "I’m right here."

And then there’s no more talking—only movement, only passion, only the feeling of finally, finally being exactly where you both belong.

The air is thick with warmth, bodies tangled beneath the sheets, hearts pounding in tandem as the last echoes of your shared breaths settle between you. The world outside might still be turning, but in this moment, it doesn’t exist. It’s just you and him, skin against skin, the weight of what just happened pressing down like the softest, heaviest thing in the world.

Your body is spent, muscles trembling faintly from the aftershocks, but you don’t move. You can’t.

Jungkook is still holding you. One arm draped lazily around your waist, the other tracing absentminded patterns against your back. His touch is slow, soothing, like he’s still trying to convince himself you’re real. Like if he lets go, you might slip away.

You stay like that for a while, chests rising and falling in sync, your head resting just above his heart. The rhythm of it is steady now, no longer racing like it had been just moments ago. Still, there’s a softness to it, an unspoken question lingering in the quiet space between you.

It’s you who finally breaks it.

“So…” You shift slightly, fingers trailing absentmindedly along his chest. “Hana knew about the jar?”

His hand stills for the briefest moment before he exhales a small, breathy laugh. His voice is thick with exhaustion, but there’s amusement in it too.

“She didn’t just know about it.” His fingers resume their slow, idle circles against your bare skin. “It was her idea.”

You blink. “…What?”

Jungkook hums in confirmation, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Yeah. She was the one who told me to do it—to fill a jar with everything I wanted to say but couldn’t.” He pauses, then adds, “She also threatened to expose me if I didn’t.”

You scoff, though you can’t help the warmth blooming in your chest. “So let me get this straight… You couldn’t tell me how you felt, but you told Hana?”

Jungkook turns his head slightly to look at you, eyes still heavy with sleep, but the amusement in them is undeniable. “I didn’t tell her. She just… figured it out.”

Of course, she did.

You huff, feigning annoyance, but your fingers betray you, tracing soft, aimless patterns along his collarbone. “Still. She knew before I did.”

Jungkook grins, rolling onto his side to face you fully. One hand slips beneath the sheets, finding your waist, pulling you closer until there’s no space left between you. His voice is low when he asks, “Are you jealous?”

You glare at him. “Shut up.”

His laughter vibrates against your skin, rich and warm, before he dips down to kiss you—slow and lingering, like he’s trying to pour everything he can’t say into it. When he finally pulls back, his forehead rests against yours, his breath mingling with yours in the quiet.

Then, softer now, more serious, he murmurs, “Are you gonna answer me?”

Your brow furrows slightly. “Answer what?”

Jungkook leans over, reaching toward the nightstand where the jar still sits, its notes untouched—except for the last one.

“The question,” he says, retrieving the single unfolded slip of paper. He holds it between you, and even though you already know what it says, your heart still stutters when your eyes skim over the words again.

Y/N, will you be my Valentine?

Earlier, you had left it unanswered, too overwhelmed by everything that had come before it. But now, after everything—after confessions, after heartbreak, after finally finding each other again—there’s no hesitation.

You reach out, plucking the note from his fingers. Slowly, carefully, you fold it again, tucking it beneath your pillow like something precious, something worth keeping. Then, meeting his gaze, you whisper, “You never needed to ask.”

Jungkook exhales, slow and shaky, like something inside him has finally settled. His hand cups your cheek, his thumb brushing over your skin like he’s memorizing the moment.

“Good,” he murmurs, voice thick with emotion. “Because I wasn’t planning on taking no for an answer.”

Your breath catches. Not because of his confidence—but because, deep down, you realize you’d never wanted to say no in the first place. Maybe you had tried to fight it. Maybe you had convinced yourself that the past had built too many walls between you. But now, lying here in the warmth of his arms, the truth settles into your bones like something that had been waiting for you to accept it all along.

It had always been him.

Your fingers tighten in the sheets as you search his gaze, looking for hesitation, for doubt—for something to make this feel less like a dream. But there’s nothing. Just him. Just you. Just this moment you both fought so hard to reach.

Jungkook watches you, waiting, always waiting, his hand still resting against your cheek as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear.

So you close the distance.

You kiss him slowly this time, letting it sink in. The warmth of his lips, the taste of him still lingering, the way he exhales like he’s been holding his breath for years. When you pull away, his forehead rests against yours, both of you breathing the same air, hearts beating in time.

And then, with a quiet, knowing smile, you whisper, “Then don’t.”

Jungkook’s lips part slightly, his expression shifting—softening, melting—as if those two words had knocked down every last barrier between you. And maybe they had. Because before you can say anything else, he’s pulling you against him again, tucking you close, his hand slipping into yours beneath the sheets.

Neither of you speak for a long time after that. You don’t need to.

Outside, the world keeps turning, time moving forward just as it always does. But here, in the hush of your dorm room, wrapped up in him, it feels like the universe has paused just for you.

Not to make up for lost time.

But to remind you that some things—some people—were never really lost at all.

And maybe, just maybe, they never would be.

EPILOGUE : Years Later – Valentine’s Day

The door clicks shut behind you as you step into the apartment, kicking off your shoes with a tired sigh. The evening air still clings to your skin, carrying traces of laughter and the lingering warmth of Jungkook’s presence.

It had been another perfect night—one filled with inside jokes, stolen bites of each other’s food, and his usual exasperated attempts to get you to pick a restaurant instead of saying, “Anything’s fine.”

Jungkook is nowhere in sight, giving you the solitude you need. You don’t hesitate. Your steps are purposeful as you cross the room, crouching down beside the bed. With practiced ease, you reach under the frame, fingers brushing against the familiar surface of a small pink, heart-shaped box.

But this time, there’s something else.

Your fingers find the jar—the one that started it all.

You pull them both out carefully, as if they were a fragile secret, and place them on your lap.

Soft footsteps approach. Then, a familiar weight sinks onto the mattress beside you.

Jungkook’s voice is quieter now, fond. “Didn’t think I’d see those again.”

You smile, running a thumb over the worn edges of the box before glancing at him. “I don’t know what made me reach for them.”

He hums, gaze flickering between the objects in your hands. “Habit, maybe. Or fate.” Then, smirking, “You always did have a thing for digging up answers.”

Rolling your eyes, you pop the lid off the jar, fingers fishing out an old note. The paper is creased, the ink slightly faded, but you already know what it says.

"Y/N, will you be my Valentine?"

Jungkook watches you, expectant. “You never actually answered me, you know.”

You exhale a laugh, shaking your head. “Jungkook, we’re literally married.”

“And?” He leans in, teasing. “I’m just saying, a verbal confirmation wouldn’t hurt.”

You scoff but humor him anyway, fingers curling into his sweater as you whisper against his lips—

"Yes, Jungkook. I’ll be your Valentine."

His arms wrap around you, pulling you in. The jar sits forgotten on the floor, the pink box nestled beside it.

Once upon a time, you had pulled it out, searching for clarity. Looking for a sign.

You didn’t realize then—you never needed the answers inside.

Because you’d already found them.

Because you’d found him.

And maybe that was the answer all along.

taglist: @iamstilljk @hirochan112 @withluvjm @amarawayne @jeon-has-left-you-on-seen @blueofocean @tattzjeon @tsick @stuti2904 @gukkiebabysblog @taekritimin123 @whisperingonyx @sadgirlroo @nerdycheol @hoshiskimchi @blueberriesm @kooksrqcer @minimoninini @dreamersparacosm @yok00k @whothefuckisthishoe @prxdajeon @darkangelfei @sunainasworld @kia091106 @khadeeeeej @welcometomyworld13 @noshametempo @bakuhoethotski @ohyeah35sworld

thank you so much for reading! let me know what u think about it <3

[bombiikki]

𐙚⋆.˚　────  heart shaped box °｡⋆⸜

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ – non idol!danielle x fem!reader !!

synopsis: you’ve been yearning for danielle for years, and you’re never quite sure if she likes you too. you decided to gift her a box of chocolate-dipped strawberries for valentines, only to give it to her at the very end of the day and run off.

contains: fluff, dany/n just being homos, haerin the matchmaker/homo hater (depedns on how u perceive it), NOT PROOFREAD I REPEAT NOT PROOFREAD, the start is lwk ass from what i rememebr

a/n: after a whole lotta procrastination its here!! happy balentines day guys 😋😋 i also listedn to falling behind by laufey on repeat while writing this cuz i love luafey and i unforutnatley am falling behind

you sat down on an empty field. it was lunchtime by then, but you didn’t feel hungry enough to go to the cafeteria. instead, you took in the sunlight from the clear skies above. as you looked ahead at the field a figure had plopped themself down next to you.

“hi y/n! why are you just staring into the field like a weirdo?” hyein asked. she was younger than you by a few years, but you didn’t mind her company.

“c’mon hyein, don’t call y/n a weirdo. she deserves a title like—i’m actually out of ideas,” minji smiles, sitting on the other side of you.

you lay back onto the grassy field, sighing loudly before chuckling softly to yourself.

“you guys are the weirdos,” you snickered.

the three of you began chatting amongst yourselves, talking about anything and everything. a few minutes had passed as you were laughing with your friends, before you noticed another trio of girls making their way onto the field.

and there she was, danielle marsh.  danielle was always the light of everyone’s lives. she was the kindest, sweetest soul anyone has met. danielle was the type of girl to include and help anyone in need, and for that you always admired her. and when you say admire, you actually meant you’ve been yearning for her for years now.

you watched as danielle walked across the field with her friends, hanni and haerin, babbling about something as they listened. she turned her head towards your general direction, and she seemed to light up even more.

“hi y/n!” she yelled, waving her arm in the air.

you waved back with a small smile, watching as she continued to smile widely at you before turning back to talk to her friends.

“now what was that,” hyein teased. “i didn’t know you had friends outside of us!”

you rolled your eyes before pushing hyein onto her side. “whatever,” you mumbled. you took a deep breath in and exhaled before opening your mouth again.

“you do know i’m friends with haerin right? danielle’s no different” you shrugged, feeling a little warmth on your cheeks.

“you say that yet you’re blushing,” minji chuckled. you slap your hands onto your cheeks.

“what do you mean! i’m not blushing! you’re blushing!!” you yell quietly, your eyebrows furrowing.

you found yourself in class on a boring day. your teacher is explaining something that could be important but you aren’t quite sure. with your notebook open, you began doodling a little cat in the corner. then, a piece of paper was thrown onto your desk.

you looked around for the sender, noticing haerin staring you down. you scoffed a little before opening the paper.

“i saw you on the field you homo”

your eyebrows furrowed as you wrote something back, the note being thrown back and forth.

“well ofc you did you were literally there with danielle”

“yeah but i saw the way she looked at you”

“you mean the way i looked at her??? cuz i was being a lil homo”

“no i mean the way she looked at you”

“WAS SHE JUDGING ME HAE…”

“far from it unfortunately,” haerin wrote with an eye-rolling doodle next to it.

“dude you have to tell me how she was looking at me cuz im lwk scared now”

“BE SCARED. more fun for me”

“ok and your supposed to be my friend”

“erm actually it’s spelt you’re!”

“whatever just tell me PLEASE”

“i’ll tell you after school if i can run away from dani and hanni”

as soon as the bell rang, you got up from your seat and grabbed your stuff. it was time to go home and you were buzzing around the hallways to make it off campus.

as you made your way to the front entrance, you felt someone pounce on you.

“hey loser,” haerin smiled.

“why is everyone giving me nicknames,” you mumbled.

the two of you began to walk home together, considering the two of you lived quite close to each other. haerin has always been your friend. despite not being in the same friend groups this year, she always had your back.

“okay, so spill. how was danielle looking at me?” you questioned, watching as haerin began to smirk—something sinister glistening in her eyes.

“you know, i’m not so sure i want to tell you anymore!” she said blissfully. 

“then what was the point of walking and talking with me,” you frowned.

haerin looked at you as she began to pout. “did you not want to walk and talk with me?”

you chuckled softly before nudging her shoulder. “of course i did. i’m sorry i said it like that hae.”

“yeah, i know. i’m just messing with you,” haerin said, poking out her tongue.

you nudged her a little harder than before as you continued to walk and talk. when you made it to her front door, you waved her goodbye before walking to your house a few blocks away.

“wait, y/n!” you heard haerin call out.

“what’s up!” you yelled back.

“make a move!” haerin yelled with a smile before retreating into her own home.

you stood in place for a moment, trying to process what haerin had told you. make a move? what’s that supposed to mean? instead of pondering about it further, you continued to walk home.

as haerin jumped into her bed, she immediately called danielle.

“hey haerin! what’s up?” danielle said cheerfully through the screen.

“you’re a homo,” haerin said flatly. she heard danielle drop something before speaking again.

“what are you talking about! homo? me? no….” danielle chuckled nervously.

“i’ve been friends with you since forever dani, it’s okay,” haerin smiled softly. danielle exhaled through the phone before haerin spoke up again.

“you know who else i’ve been friends with since forever? y/n,” haerin added.

“what’s y/n got to do with me being gay?” danielle asked curiously. she heard haerin let out a big sigh from the other end of the phone.

“my eyes don’t lie. i know what i saw,” haerin said.

“what did you see?” danielle asked concerningly.

“you know what, i give up! you guys suck!” haerin exclaimed, hearing danielle’s confusion from the other line before hanging up.

you sat on the field again, not particularly feeling hungry. you looked out onto the field and spotted danielle once more. but, this time she was alone.

you watched as danielle smiled and walked over to you. you felt your heart begin to slowly rise and beat harder.

“hi there!” danielle smiled brightly, sitting next to you on the patch of grass.

you nodded your head and thinned your lips in response, not trusting your voice to say anything.

“do you know what’s going on with haerin? she was acting weird after school and you’re–like–her best friend,” danielle blurted out.

so she wanted to talk about haerin?

“me? haerin’s best friend? she’s around you so much i’m pretty sure you’re her best friend,” you chuckled softly.

“well, i’d like to disagree but seriously y/n—do you know what happened?” she asked concerningly, inching closer to you with a frown on her face.

you thought back to the day before and how haerin acted. she didn’t seem too out of the ordinary to you, though she was very secretive. you looked at danielle with her big puppy eyes before your heart began to pound through your chest. you hoped that she wouldn’t hear your heart beating out of your chest.

“i–um–i don’t know anything. she seemed a little secretive but overall quite normal,” you said nervously. “what did she do or say that made her seem odd?” you added.

you watched danielle intently as she began to sink herself deep in her thoughts. you watched as a lightbulb seemed to go off in her head and the way she looked into your eyes before looking away quickly with pink cheeks.

“it’s–nothing. it’s nothing important,” danielle said dismissively. she gave a small smile before getting up from the grass.

“i’ll see you in class y/n!” she said with one last smile. you watched her as she ran off the field.

see her in class you did! as you sat in your seat, you watched as danielle walked past your desk and flashed a smile. your heart did a flip before you rested your facial muscles and calmed yourself down.

the lesson itself was boring, and so was the next—but seeing danielle’s face in class made it more than worth it. the two of you don’t interact as much as you would prefer but when you do it always makes you giddy.

as the lessons continued to pass, you felt fatigued. but as the last bell rang, you shot up from your chair once more and grabbed all your stuff. you made your way into the crowded hallway and looked for a way to the front.

you gripped onto your bag of stuff and squirmed your way through the crowd, accidentally bumping into a few people in your attempt to get out of school. you furrowed your eyebrows as you managed to make it close to the front doors, bumping into one last person as you did.

“oh! sorry!” you exclaim, picking up your bag which had fallen to the floor. 

your hands touched another which was also reaching out for your bag. your eyes travelled up the hand, to the arm, and to the face in which it belonged to.

“oh, y/n! no, i should be sorry—i was just standing in the middle of the hallway,” danielle smiled apologetically.

she picked up your bag for you and handed it over, your fingers brushing over hers once more.

“thank you,” you mumbled, before noticing haerin standing off to the side.

“no, don’t mind me! just keep doing what you’re doing,” she smirked.

you watched as danielle’s eyes widened and the way her cheeks began to flush a red tint. she mumbled something to haerin which you couldn’t quite decipher. danielle looked back at you before waving goodbye, leaving you with haerin.

haerin took your arm as you both walked off campus together once more.

“what were you talking about with danielle?” you questioned.

“aw is poor y/n jealous?” haerin teased. “we talked about you actually,” she added.

your eyes widened slightly as you tilted your head to the side.

“you talked about me? what did you talk about?” you questioned further.

“oh—nothing much. just the fact that you’re a socially awkward single loser,” haerin snickered.

you unwrapped your arm from haerin’s as you smacked her on the arm.

“acting as if that isn’t the exact description of you too,” you scoffed with a small smirk.

“well, at least i can actually talk to danielle,” haerin shrugged.

you stayed silent for a while, still standing by haerin’s side. you hummed flatly as your eyebrows furrowed.

“do you like danielle?” you asked haerin quietly.

haerin’s eyes widened as she turned her head to look at you. her own eyebrows furrowed as her jaw dropped slightly.

“excuse me?” haerin exclaimed, clearly taken aback.

“no–nevermind. it’s whatever. it’s nothing and stupid!” you mutter, walking just a little bit faster.

“it is stupid! me? like dani? hell no!” haerin said strongly, matching your walking pace and nudging you in the shoulder. “she's amazing, don't get me wrong! but she's amazing for you.”

you blush at her comment before letting out a sigh of the biggest relief.

“they just let any oblivious homo fall in love with each other,” haerin commented, rolling her eyes.

“wait, what? who’s oblivious?”

“my point exactly.”

“y/n, how long is it going to take for you to ask out danielle?” minji asked on a sunny day.

you spat out the water you were drinking in shock—cleaning yourself up when you regained your consciousness

“excuse me?” you asked with your jaw dropped.

“no–’cause–i agree with minji,” hyein commented, pointing her finger up.

you pondered for a moment before your eyebrows began to furrow.

“i don’t even know if she likes me like that. i’m not risking it,” you sighed.

as if on cue, danielle began to walk onto the field along with her friends. she looked around the field before spotting you with your friends. you watched a smile grow on her face and wave at you.

“yeah, ‘cause she totally doesn’t like you back,” hyein teased, nudging you with her elbow. you nudged her back before whispering to her.

“she’s just nice like that,” you said in a hushed tone, waving back at danielle.

danielle turned back around to look at her friends. before squealing.

“did you guys see that? she waved back at me!” danielle said with a bright smile.

“didn't you wave first?” hanni questioned, raising her eyebrow.

“yeah, but she waved back!” danielle emphasised.

hanni looked over to haerin who had a smug look on her face.

“what's got you looking so smug, haerin?” hanni scoffed.

haerin paused.

“homos.”

“haerin!” you called out from outside her front door. you had been banging on the door and ringing the doorbell for a solid minute before she came out with tired eyes.

“what are you doing here? it's—like—5 am,” haerin said groggily, rubbing her eyes.

“i want to ask out danielle for valentines!” you said in a hurry, a blush spreading on your cheeks.

with your words, you watched as haerin seemed to regain all her energy—her eyes lighting up.

“finally! but why'd you have to come over at 5 am?” haerin asked.

you pushed your way through the front door and took off your shoes—making your way to the kitchen. haerin noticed a plastic bag in your hands and asked what was in it. you dumped the contents onto the kitchen counter before opening your mouth to respond.

“this is why i came over at 5 am!” you said with a smile.

on the counter lay a pack of strawberries, different types of chocolate, and marshmallows.

“did you wake me up just so i could help you woo danielle?” haerin teased, a smirk forming on her mouth as she brought up the marshmallows.

“also, why marshmallows?”

“well–y’know– danielle marsh. marshmallows!” you chuckled nervously. haerin rolled her eyes with a smile on her lips.

you searched through haerin’s cabinets to find yourself a glass bowl and a saucepan—filling the saucepan up with water and putting it on the stove.

“wait, isn’t this going to wake up your parents?” you asked in a hushed tone.

“they decided to go on a valentines trip last night so no one's home,” haerin shrugged, washing the strawberries for you.

“oh, to be in love,” you sighed. haerin glared at you from the side of her eyes before washing the last of the strawberries.

“hae, i might need to steal a few things. thank you!!” you exclaimed as you rummaged through more cabinets, haerin chuckling on the side.

as the bell went for the first period, you nervously peeked your head through the door. you noticed danielle already sitting by her desk and you wanted to take this opportunity to hand her your gift—that was until more students began to flow into the classroom.

feeling more anxious and defeated, you gently hid your gift away in your bag and went to take your seat. you looked over to where danielle was sitting as she looked straight back at you, smiling brightly with nothing but sweetness in her eyes.

you felt your cheeks grow warm before breaking eye contact—the teacher entering the classroom and beginning the lesson.

you sat lazily as the time seemed to pass by slowly, doodling in your book and jotting down some notes.

when the bell had finally rung after a very boring lesson, you didn't get up from your seat immediately like you usually would. instead, you stayed behind—taking extra time to pack up all your stuff. you watched as the students began to leave the class one by one—leaving you in the classroom alone with danielle.

she had also taken a while to pack up all her stuff before slowly making her way to the door. you thought that maybe this was your chance to give her your gift. you took a hesitant step before she opened the door to reveal haerin standing right in front of it.

“oh, haerin! you scared me!” danielle shrieked, haerin giving her an apologetic look before making eye contact with you from over danielle’s shoulder.

you watched as she gave you a look—danielle obviously noticing haerin glance over her shoulder. as danielle turned around, you hid your gift once more with a blush on your face.

“did you want to come walk around with us?” danielle asked you with a soft smile.

you felt your heart beat faster, wanting to accept her offer.

“i–um–i think i’ll have to say no to the offer. sorry danielle,” you said hesitantly. you knew you could not last hanging out with her, despite it hurting your heart as danielle frowned slightly at your response.

“that's okay! and, you can call me dani—that's what all my friends call me,” she said with another soft smile.

you nodded and gave her a small wave as she walked out the door with haerin by her side—haerin glaring at you before following along with her.

after walking a good distance away from the classroom, danielle looked around her surroundings—as if she were making sure no one was around. haerin looked at her with a confused look before danielle began to speak.

“did you see the pink on her cheeks or was it just me?” danielle giggled, smiling from ear to ear.

“okay, homo,” haerin chuckled as she rolled her eyes.

danielle continued to blabber on about how cute she found you to haerin—running into hanni halfway through and continuing her rant.

“wait, so did you just friendzone y/n?” hanni asked.

danielle furrowed her eyebrows and began slowly shaking her head—then it hit her.

“that's what all my friends call me… wait—i think i did,” danielle mumbled.

“did i fumble!?” she exclaimed, holding hanni by the shoulders.

hanni nodded slowly as haerin patted danielle’s back.

“mate, just straight up ask her out if you want to unfriendzone her. it is valentines day today,” hanni scoffed.

danielle’s eyes lit up at hanni’s advice before she began furrowing her eyebrows again.

“but, i don't have anything to gift her,” danielle pouted. “i can't just ask her out with nothing to give her.”

hanni looked at haerin who had a smug look glistening in her eyes.

“haerin, seriously, why are you always looking so smug?” hanni inquired. haerin shrugged in response as the three of them continued to walk around campus.

“she friend-zoned me,” you exclaimed in a saddened tone, bringing your hands to your hair.

minji and hyein looked at you with confused looks as you came to sit down with them. 

“um—can we get some context?” minji questioned.

“she said i could start calling her dani because that's what all her friends call her,” you said as you flopped down onto your back, the feeling of the grass hitting the back of your hands.

both of your friends winced in sympathy for you as you continued to rant about danielle.

“she's amazing and i’m so glad she sees me as a friend—but i want to be more than that,” you groaned.

“well, did you tell her that?” hyein asked. you shook your head.

“then tell her you dummy. no better day to ask out the girl you're in love with than valentines day,” hyein smiled.

“did you just ignore the fact i said she friend-zoned me?” you mumbled with a frown.

“yeah, but you planned on asking her out—didn't you?” she asked with a smirk.

minji looked at you as you slowly nodded your head—her mouth dropping.

“and why didn't i know about this?” minji shouted in disbelief. “when did you grow guts?”

you playfully slapped minji on her side as you chuckled softly. you closed your eyes as you felt the sun against your skin, sighing loudly.

“i may or may have not made chocolate-dipped strawberries for her,” you muttered—both minji and hyein still hearing every word.

they both smiled at you before dragging you up from the grass.

“c’mon then. let's bag you a girlfriend.”

minji and hyein dragged you around campus, searching every crook and cranny for danielle before spotting her from a distance.

“hey, danielle!” hyein yelled out, waving her hand in the air as danielle looked over to you.

the three of you walked up to danielle and her friends. you made eye contact with haerin and mouthed “help me” with furrowed brows as she smirked at you with her tongue stuck out. 

“rude ass friend,” you muttered to yourself.

danielle looked at you and your friends with a confused face, looking at you specifically before looking at hyein as she spoke once more.

“y/n here has something to tell you!” hyein exclaimed, letting you go as she went to drag haerin away—minji doing the same with hanni. “alone too by the way!”

you watched your friends drag danielle's friends away, leaving you standing in the hallway with danielle.

“so, pretty nice day isn’t it,” you nervously chuckled, fidgeting with your fingers.

“yeah, it's a pretty nice day—especially for valentines day too,” danielle beamed.

you felt yourself hiccup at the words valentines day, clearing your throat as you did.

“what did you want to tell me?” danielle asked with soft eyes. looking into them, you thought that—maybe—she knew exactly what you wanted to say.

“look—danielle–” you started. “um—i mean dani—i just wanted to say that i think you're really–” and before you could finish your sentence, the bell rang for the next period.

students began to walk through the corridors, walking straight passed you and danielle. your cheeks now burnt a bright red as you cleared your throat—danielle still waiting for what you had to say.

“you know what, it's nothing. i’ll see you in class,” you choked out with an awkward smile, lowering your head and leaving for class.

you raised your hands over to your cheeks before exhaling air you didn't know you were holding in.

as you sat in class, you watched as haerin walked through the door—glaring right at you. you grimaced as she tore out a piece of paper from her notebook and began to scribble something down. it didn't take long before she passed the paper over to you.

“what the hell did you say and why did your friends drag me and hanni away?”

“IDK WHY THEY DID THAT PLEASE BELIEVE ME but i feel like they wanted me to confess :/”

“im guessing you didn't cuz i saw dani right before coming to class and she looked oddly disappointed”

“disappointed? why was she disappointed?”

“use your brain y/n”, haerin wrote with a mad cat doodle on the side.

“idk i’m still confused but should i still give the chocolates?”

“why are you even asking? ofc you should and ask her out for real why you're at it”

“I’M SCARED”

“be scared idrc but you need to ask her out before i jump you with your own friends”

“minii and hyein would never! wait nvm they would”

“you have all day to think about it and if you don't plan on confessing then i’m stealing the strawberries for myself”

“WHAT”

“did i do something wrong?” danielle asked hanni as they walked out of class together. “y/n seemed like she wanted to tell me something but has been avoiding me all day.”

hanni watched as danielle pouted with sad eyes.

“no, you didn't do anything wrong—just trust me on that,” hanni smiled softly, placing her hand on danielle's shoulder.

“where's haerin?” hanni questioned.

“she told me she had to help y/n with something,” danielle mumbled.

hanni looked at her with an amused face. “are you jealous?”

“what!? no! what gave you that conclusion!?” danielle exclaimed—her cheeks growing warmer as she gradually became flustered.

“i just wish i knew what y/n wanted to tell me! that's it,” danielled chuckled nervously.

“wait up!” danielle heard from behind her. she turned around to see haerin walking towards her and hanni—alone.

“you look disappointed. did you expect someone else?” haerin snickered, pointing at danielle.

danielle pouted as she wrapped her arms in her friends. “nope! i’m just glad to have my friends,” danielle said with her chin up.

the three of them took a step off campus as they heard another voice yell from behind them.

“dani! wait up!” you yelled. danielle immediately unwrapped her arms from her friends as she turned around to look at you.

you ran up to danielle and her friends with a box in your hands. you stopped to take a deep breath before looking up into danielle's eyes. you swallowed down all your anxiety before opening your mouth.

“i just wanted to say something i wanted to say before and i’m sorry i haven't told you sooner—but i think you're really pretty and an absolute angel. you're so sweet it makes my heart skip a a beat and you don't have to reciprocate my feelings but—i like you, danielle,” you blurted out, lowering your head as you brought the carefully decorated box in front of danielle.

you looked up slightly with pink cheeks, watching as danielle's cheeks begin to flush. you pushed the box into danielle’s hands as you brought your head back up.

“okay! that's all i had to say then. goodbye!” you rushed nervously, running away as danielle was left stunned along with her friends.

“i told you—you didn't do anything wrong,” hanni chuckled lightly.

danielle was left standing in place, her cheeks rapidly growing warmer as she felt her heart pound in her chest. she blinked once, she blinked twice. danielle turned her head to haerin with wide eyes and red cheeks.

“did you know she was going to do that?” danielle mumbled as the edges of her lips began to curl up.

“maybe! just—open the box. it gets better,” haerin shrugged with a smile.

danielle opened the box with shaky hands, revealing beautifully decorated chocolate-dipped strawberries that sat on top of marshmallows.

“y/n wanted to tell you that she chose marshmallows ‘cause it has your last name in it—marshmallows, danielle marsh,” haerin commented.

danielle kept going red as she took a deep breath in. she looked at her friends who wore big smiles on their faces, clearly really happy for her. danielle moved her eyes to the box of strawberries then up to haerin’s eyes.

“can you tell me y/n’s address?”

after running home, you decided you needed to calm down your nerves—your heart still pounding from your sudden confession to danielle.

you set your bag down before hopping into the shower, feeling the water touch your back and the top of your head. you felt your muscles relax as the water continued to flow down your body.

you closed your eyes and began to imagine danielle's eyes, her smile, her face. you thought about the possible consequences of your confession and started to worry. what if you messed everything up?

as you finished up your shower, you heard your front doorbell ring. you quickly dried yourself down and put on a new change of clothes, bringing a towel with you to the door for your hair.

you ruffled your hair with the towel before opening the front door to reveal a face you were just thinking about.

“hi!” danielle said with a big smile that reached from ear to ear—her cheeks coloured in a cute pink.

“hi,” you breathed out, a warmth starting to spread on your own cheeks.

you watched danielle lower her head, rocking back and forth on her heels. she held something behind her back but you weren't quite sure what it was.

“i–um–i just wanted to say that—i think you're really pretty too,” danielle stuttered.

she brought her hands in between her and yourself, revealing a beautiful pink and white bouquet. she raised her head to look at you with her big, soft eyes—adorned with the softest smile that made your knees buckle. you felt your jaw drop and your heart began to race as she grabbed your hand to hold the bouquet.

“could i have the honour of being your girlfriend?”

[lemedstudent2021]

books & stuff!!

i have been meaning to make this post for months now lol oops :') have been asked to recommend books and stuff so here i am finally, i will update with more as i go along and link what i can find. enjoy!

--

Islam

made a list of reads and resources for sisters looking into islam on reddit, indeed this blog was first made with the purpose of sharing things abt islam & muslim daily life & med stuff. so by popular request (a beloved moot lol) i present to u

*:･ﾟ✧ links to playlists:

5 pillars made plain (a playlist going through the foundation upon which Islam is built. Islam 101 if you will)

My moment of conviction (when reverts realised they were on the right path)

Jesus in Islam (learn how Muslims see Isa peace be upon him)

Keys to prophetic parenting (parenting from the perspective of the best of mankind!)

*:･ﾟ✧ resources in general:

Quran.com (listen to the Quran, read the tafsir (exegesis), and peruse reflections left by users)

Sunnah.com (books of Hadith (narrations of the prophet peace be upon him) categorised according to authenticity, the best of which belonging to Sahih Muslim and Sahih Bukhari may God be pleased with them both)

and:

Yaqeen institute (website & youtube)

Mufti Menk (scholar and speaker, passionate, sometimes funny, always informative) & my favourite dad joke of his lol

*:･ﾟ✧ books i have:

Islam for younger people (i reread this often ^-^)

Islam beliefs and teachings (this ones in my dads office lol)

answers to non muslims' common questions about islam (direct and satisfactory)

in the early hours (a book gifted to me and is dear to my heart)

islamic manners (another gift, a must read for everyone really)

God bless! *throws sparkles*

--

my library

sadly i am not as well read as i would like to be lol, my lil library is limited to the books i grew up with; a few older children novels and some non-fiction. i mainly want to read classics, literature and poetry alike, like shakespeare, the bronte sisters, jane austen, edgar allan poe and the like. ive been meaning to expand for years, but alas, i have yet to find the time (and motivation) to do so. not really into ya, id love to read crime and mystery though (like agatha christie) one day. wow just remembered my sherlock holmes phase while writing this :D

*:･ﾟ✧ currently reading (and i use the term reading very loosely lol):

the posthumous memoirs of bras cubas (download link)

the iliad - homer

the odyssey - also homer

probably more i forgor

*:･ﾟ✧ on my shelf (physical and metaphorical):

the black death - philip ziegler

hagakure - yamamoto tsunetomo

the ones who walk away from omelas (rec from a moot :3)

as long as the lemon trees grow - zoulfa katouh

there will come soft rains - ray bradbury

*:･ﾟ✧ favourite & most beloved reads:

the anne series (esp anne of the island)

children of the new forest

the secret garden

companions of the prophet (comfort reads of mine. also i have the revised edition and i only found my book 2, heres a pdf tho)

*:･ﾟ✧ others:

toxic childhood - sue palmer (was reading parenting books at 15 lol. tbf its a great read. i also had no friends so)

theres a sequel too (detoxing childhood)

a short history of the ottoman empire - erhan afyoncu (this is the only link i found beside amazon :'))

living in the ottoman lands: identities, administration & warfare (turkiye was beautiful & i still feel guilty abt not reading these two)

probably more i also forgor

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thank u for reading this far and being patient with me i really appreciate it lol. happy reading!!

for my beloveds @notsolonedesert & @sporadicallyanenthusiast <3

[lightbulb-warning]

i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself

[fadeintolight]

pont pont vesszőcske

[keeps-ache]

i have Thoughts

[nyxypoo]

thinking about when the time when me when he when uhm when HANDS FACKKKKK

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[mysimsyuri]

on the topic of Women . would yall still think im cool if i continued the trend of "ship names that are vague music references"

[inosukijiro]

✮⋆˙ giyu learns to crochet

𝙨𝙮𝙣. ━ giyuu decides its time to tell you how he feels.

━ 𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨. this is part two. or not, it really doesn’t matter if you read the first part. loved this idea bc i love crochet. currently making a giyuu amigurumi doll atm, so yay me ig

━ 𝙖𝙙𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨. im so sorry for being gone for almost two months. i was burnt out. but i have lots of prompts / plot ideas written down and just have to finish them. also also!! season 4 was crazy, i loved every minute of it but that ending – im so not ready for the final arc. anyways, thank you for the support as usual, luv u besties

━ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. fluff. use of swear words (not a lot, but they are there). giyuu-centric. modern reader in kny. mentions of crochet and amigurumi. gender-neutral reader. also very poor dialogue probably, i avoid talking irl so yk. 1.9k words.

─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───  ─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───  ─── ⋆⋅𖦹⋅⋆ ───

first part (optional); giyuu has a crush

Giyuu is about to have a stroke. He’s alone in his room late at night. He should be sleeping, but he can't imagine doing so. The moon light is coming through his window and all he can do is stare at the crochet hook in his hand as his fingers remain still. He is hunched, hovering over a ball of yarn in his lap. He can't shake the feeling of inadequacy that heavily weighed on him because he really has no idea what he’s doing.

You had this habit of making him gifts. Cute little amigurumi things and it had become a habit of his waiting when you’ll show up with one just for him. They’re almost always an animal or some sea creature, maybe even a small plant that he has sitting on display in his room somewhere. They are always so adorable and tiny, always fitting in the palm of his hand. It's almost like clockwork at this point, and Giyuu is always so flattered to receive them.

He remembers the little tiny baby sea turtle you have made for him. Its flippers rested against the palms of his cupped hands; its eyes and lids sewed on so perfectly along with the rest of it. It’s so intricate, he almost thought it was real. He remembers bringing it up to his face, staring at it in its tiny face, because for some reason this time he really didn’t know how to act.

He remembers you giggling, quickly explaining that you really didn’t know what to make him this time – lies, you have so many patterns. You just care too much about his opinion and his likes. Honestly, you could make him anything you wanted and he would be happy.

❛ And then I thought, ‘well you are the Water Pillar after all’. And I thought the sea turtle was kinda cute too, so I wanted to make it for you. Now you have a little friend to keep you company on your mission! ❜

Now here he was, with little idea of what he was doing. A frustrated sigh left his lips. He began working the yarn along with the hook – all his movement completely hesitant and fumbling. It would be a lie to say that he had never been skillful with his hands; he is a swordsman after all. However, it was clear that he wasn’t as skillful as you regarding this, and it makes sense. He had never picked up any knitting or crochet hooks until tonight at this ungodly hour.

Sure, he could have just crafted a wooden figurine. It is something he vaguely knows how to do, and seems like a more appealing thought now, plus, he knows that you would love it either way. But all he wanted to do was something special. He wanted to convey his feelings to you through what you love doing the most and give you something that he knows you would like. And for about a moment he wonders if this is a good idea. Then decides that he doesn’t care anymore. This is going to make or break him. He procrastinated this long enough.

Though hours passed and Giyuu is shocked to consider it done. He hoped it was. He glances over at his window and the sun is barely over the horizon. And as much as Giyuu loves you, he can't do this again. No, that is also a lie. He would if you asked. But he couldn’t help but feel disgruntled. He didn’t even know what he made. It is some type of plushie. It has a big body with some stubby legs. Its arms are almost the length of it too, if not longer, making them seem like large floppy paws. Its head; he is unsure if it's too big as it’s the same size as the body, but it’s a bit too late now to do anything about it. He made small ears on the top, and added some type of embroidery to make the eyes – as no buttons seemed to look right to him. There was no nose or mouth either, because Giyuu couldn’t figure out how to add them without making it look worse than it already does.

He frowned at the finished product, before hanging his head. It was done, yes. But to him, he knows that he could have done a much better job. And the pang of disappointment didn’t help. Because surely you deserve something better than this crude attempt at a gift.

However, for some reason Giyuu was oddly excited. Maybe it was the ice cold water he almost drowned himself awake to. But he really didn’t pay it any mind. Maybe he just didn’t care anymore. Maybe he just wanted to get it over with. He was afraid, so very afraid because this was the first time he was outwardly seeking your validation. But he was also anticipating the interaction. Because you were so nice. And he shouldn’t be afraid.

So here he was now, standing in front of you. And suddenly, he can't remember why he was so afraid in the first place. You looked so delightfully happy just like he had hoped. He watched as you took the plush from his hand, your fingers just barely brushing against his. And he felt his palms get clammy again. You were so delicate with it, and honestly, if you had asked Giyuu, perhaps you were a bit too delicate. He didn’t think that it deserved such care. He watched as you brushed your thumb over the soft yarn. Your eyes staring intently at it, and Giyuu couldn’t place the look you were giving.

“Giyuu, it’s adorable!” Your eyes sparked just a little bit when you looked back up at him. The plush is pressed against your chest right now. So softly, almost protectively and Giyuu actually can't believe it. Truly, he is in disbelief. You actually liked it? You really must’ve, because you’re going on about the plush; gushing over it and completely unfazed by any of its imperfections. You asked how he made it and when he had the time. It was nice, until you asked him why. And he got all nervous again.

Well… He responds. “You make me such nice things all the time. And I wanted to make you something as well. To show my appreciation.”

Oh! You are a little taken aback by that as a light blush starts to burn on your cheeks. You were definitely feeling the appreciation. You just never really anticipated Giyuu to make you something. Not because you thought he was incapable, or anything like that. You just… liked making things, and if that happened to be for Giyuu more than others you weren’t going to deny it. It made you happy to do so. And you never really expected anything in return. But for him to make you something, the gesture kind of made you feel special. It was so sweet!

“Of course, I’m glad you like it. You… mean a lot to me you know. Um…” He stops because he's a bit flush. He wants to confess so badly and he doesn’t understand; why is it so hard. Just say it. It's like you are waiting for him to – and you are – but you are so completely and utterly patient with him that sometimes he wished you weren’t. “Ngh, don’t look at me like that.”

You giggle softly. You can’t help it. Why is he so cute? “I’m sorry,” You say sincerely, still hugging the plush to your chest. “Please continue.”

His heart is beating out of his rib cage. He feels like he is going to die. He has never expressed his feelings so openly before and as much as he wants to say that he is uncomfortable, he's only half way there and he only needs to get the words out. He's been afraid of rejection for so long that, even deep down knowing the possibility of you loving him exists, he can’t help but worry about it. The words are on his tongue and at some point, he has to come out and say it.

“I… I love you.” Finally. “I’ve loved you for a while now. I just didn’t know how to tell you. You don’t have to say or do anything, I just… I just wanted you to know.”

“You love me?” You had a big, stupid smile on your face, which made the question you had asked seem hopeful to him. If you had been home, you might have thought he was pulling a joke on you, not that he would know to assume that. And you, yourself are having a good time telling the small voice in the back of your head to fuck off because – yes, Giyuu Tomioka just confessed his love for you and you were not going to let the universe take it back.

He nodded, silent. The smallest, timid, smile pulled at his lips as he waited for you to continue. “Giyuu, I love you too. Actually, I..” you stopped before you started tripping over your words and let out a deep breath. Your grasp on the plush tightened, clutching it closer to your body in an attempt to ground yourself. “I… may have been in love with you for a while, too.”

He stares at you for a moment, another dumb look on his face. It's like the gears are turning in his mind. That yes, just like you had, are realizing this is all actually happening. And if he promptly pulls you into the softest, brain melting kiss you've ever had – that's between the two of you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡° ✩

Of course, now it’s later and Giyuu is watching you show off the plush to the rest of the Hashira. You had grabbed his hand in a rush, so excited and happy. He let you tug him along, squeezing his hand so tight; never minding the clamminess. He watched as you shoved the crochet piece in Rengokus face, telling him with pride that Giyuu was the one that made it for you. ‘I see that,’ he says and lets out one of those joyous laughs, almost amused.

You tug him along, going from Hashira to Hashira. Giyuu vividly remembers you shouting at Shinazugawa from across the training grounds about ‘Look at what Giyuu made me! Suck it you fuck face’ before running off and taking him with you again. He remembers in the background the Wind Pillar shouting, something about how it was ‘Ugly as fuck’ and a few other things but Giyuu ignored it.

Others recognized the effort Giyuu put into it, much like Rengoku. He gets a ‘That's kinda flashy’ from Tengen, and surprisingly Shinobu didn’t really poke at him too much, but maybe that was because you were there. Mitsuri squeals about it. She thinks it’s the cutest thing she's ever seen, and Giyuu makes sure not to look at Obanai at all. Otherwise, the man might force Giyuu to teach him. Or force himself in between you and him to teach him, and Giyuu doesn’t know if he can handle that.

The afternoon passed by after that and you both ended up back at his estate, just like always. This time, you were much closer to him than usual, not that Giyuu minded. He watched from over your shoulder as you continued your own little crochet project. He had half a mind to join you, but instead opted to enjoy just being with you; resting his head near yours and wrapping his arms around your waist. Though, somewhere close by the little turtle and the plush were laying together where you had placed them. It was almost like they were watching you, like they were proud of him.

Thank you once again for reading!! ໒꒰ྀི ˃ ∩∩ ˂ ꒱ྀིა

[blqstar]

main mha boys finding out their s/o’s tiktok famous

↳ featuring ; midoriya, bakugou, shoto

content warning: black reader, fluff, a lil bit of crack too, mention on y/n’s big booty and boobies 😏, profanity + slurs, not proofread (as always tbh lmao)

note: i literally just came up with this on the spot, i was so busy daydreaming, thinking about this lmao. y’all i promise a oneshot finna come out, im def a d1 procrastinator lolll

𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 — izuku midoriya !

deku honestly isn’t the person to be on social media that much. really because he’s out training most of the time

but every time he gets the chance, he comes across videos of you

and when i say every time, i mean every single time lmao

edits, little clips of you from your original tiktok, even your own tiktoks you make.

baby, when he sees you in that video, in them lil black shorts and crop top

y’all his ass is DROOLING

he’s honestly a little flabbergasted but at the same time, he’s not. he knows his princess is absolutely drop dead gorgeous so it’s really no surprise that you would go viral.

he ends up following you after a while and decides to ask you about it, assuming that you didn’t know about it yourself

“hey , bunny , did you know you’ve been going viral lately ?”

“yeah , you ain’t know ? i’m surprised you didn’t know before , zuku-poo “

๋࣭ ⭑⚝ — katsuki bakugou !

i feel kats ain’t a person to have social media, so he shol don’t have no damn tiktok🧍🏽‍♀️

“wtf is tiktak ?”

“kats , it’s tiktok .”

“whatever the fuck it’s called, i ain’t gettin’ that shit .”

with some persistence and a little bit of ‘pretty girl’ charm, he puts it on his phone (he be lyin like a mug lmao)

one particular day where he’s a lil bored, he decides to go on tiktok for the one time

and the first vid on his fyp is…you?

wtf??

he watches you lip sing a song wearing his color in a orange sundress, accentuating your butt and boobs

how many times he’s watched it? yes.

nigga has turned into an all out simp

after he’s looked, he goes through your comments and sees tons of guys simping for you too.

nigga’s boiling now

“HEY , WTF BABE ? TAKE THIS SHIT DOWN !”

“how about…no .”

“DON’T TELL ME NO , YOU WEIRDO !”

this man is an actual diva sometimes lmaoo

⋆⁺₊❅. — shoto todoroki !

like deku, he isn’t much of the type to have social media.

not just because of training but because he’s not really interested in those types of things. especially tiktok

but once he heard you talking about it to him the day before, he went to see what it was all about. (mans is obsessed w u like anything u talk abt he wants to know about lol)

and first thing he saw was you in a little black sundress and recording yourself in the mirror, showing off your figure

baby boy blushed (hes so cute)

he went through multiple clips and edits of you, even going through your profile and watching your videos.

during this, you were caught in the midst of it, watching his phone from behind

“babe~ , are you stalking my videos ?”

“yeah ofc , you look so gorgeous . send me the vids before you post next time . wanna be the first one to see ‘em .”

[sanchoyo]

'weekend project' but it took a week!! augh. the page itself has been updated to be much easier to navigate (you can now jump directly to whatever character) but I still am working on the updated ref sheets. something about doing refs makes me want to turn inside out. its soo tedious.

I wanted to redo the tm2 reference sheets (the magical girl designs havent changed but I want to do a more comprehensive side by side of their civilian looks, too, and just kinda update the art) and overhaul the character page on the website... that might be my weekend project... 🤔

[ukiyoq34]

texts with genshin gang

I’m not doing that whole text pic thing cus I’m lazy but I wanted to do this cus man some people make these guys get so out of character when it comes to this typa stuff

synopsis; asking them for the homework/copy their homework / reader has no pronouns or any specific gender/ can be seen either platonic or romantic whatever you feel like/ paring Xiao, scara, Kazuha, heizou, Tartaglia, and Lyney

-Scara/wanderer

“Bro I need your help”

*read*

“??? bro help”

*read*

“answer i know ur ass is there”

“tf you want now”

“I need help with hw”

“no”

“boy 💀”

*read*

-Heizou

“bro can you help me real quick?”

“sure”

“i didn’t do the homework I need help”

“u sure you need help or do you just wanna copy?”

“is copy and option”

“nah😂”

“Js Help me dawg 😭🙏”

“Lmao get on call and I’ll help you”

“thanks dawg 😘”

“smh wish that kiss was real😒”

“GET OUT!!🤬🗣️”

-Xiao

“Xiao”

“yeah”

“can I copy your homework please🙏🙏🙏”

“I’ll help you but I won’t let you copy”

“WHY?? PLEASE BRO I DONT HAVE TIME FOR THAT 😭😭”

“you have a lot of time I know you do”

“😒😒😒”

“it’s easy dw”

“do I get a kiss if I finish it”

“No??”

“just say you want me dead💔💔”

“😐”

-Childe/Tartaglia

“bro can you send me the hw”

“girl.. WHAT??”

“WDYM WHAT?? DID U NOT DO IT?? 😭”

“I HAD PRACTICE IM THE LAST PERSON YOUSHOULD BE ASKING 😭😭”

“oh my GOD”

“girl don’t give me that attitude 😒😒”

“who is this DIVA”

-Kazuha

“Kazuhakazuhakauzhakauhzhshajakuh”

“yes??”

“did you do the homework”

“yes I did”

“can I PLEASE PLEASE copy your work”

“did you procrastinate it again?”

“yes😓😓”

“alright but try not to make this a habit okay?”

“I know I’m sorry 😢😢 but thanks 🙏🙏🙏🙏”

“Np👍”

-Lyney

“Lyneyyyyyyyyy yayyayag”

“Yeah??”

“Did you do the r homework???”

“yes I did do you need to copy”

“YES 😭🙏”

“here 😘😘”

*attatchment 4 images* “You’re a real one THANK YOU🙏🙏”

“Love you too 😘🤑”

“Love the confidence you have!! Keep it up!”

“☹️”

[star-writes-fanfiction]

:: c o p y c a t :: ☆ :: p e t e r . p ::

Character/s: mcu!peter x implied stark!reader

Summary: doing the 'copying snaps' trend with Peter.

Warnings: very suggestive content, light smut [masturbation, fingering] it's also kinda short since it's not full smut and I did not proof read, like, at all. Comment if you want me to edit lol.

Request: none (based off a headcanon I wrote recently)

Other: I don't really know how snapchat works because I don't use it much, so if I've messed it up let me know. <3 also I wrote reader and Peter as college students because sexualising minors is a big no-no y'all 😐😑😐

You were laying in your bed at the tower, playing block blast to pass the time. You were meant to be studying for your massive exam coming up, but there's nothing more fun than procrastination. Besides, you had all of tonight to cram as much as possible, and you work faster under pressure.

Just as you cleared your board, you got a notification from Peter, your best friend since elementary school, and also your decade-long crush. It was a snap of him pulling the duck face captioned 'it's that snapstreak grind'. Typical Peter, you thought, going to reply. There's no way in hell either one of you would be the one to lose your streak of 2000.

You took a photo of your roof, adding the text. 'I was trying to study, p'. His cute little face popped up in the bottom left as he began to type.

Pete ❤️

Oh sorry lol

Me

It's ok im bored anyway 😭😭

Time to spam u with ridiculous photos cuz u love me

You joked, already opening your camera. You took a photo of your middle finger, leaving it uncaptioned and hitting send. A moment later Peter sent you a similar photo with the same pose.

Oh, so thats the game we're gonna play? You thought to yourself, taking a photo of your face this time, poking your tongue out.

Again, he returned the snap. "Well, I may as well use this to my advantage..." You muttered aloud as you took a photo of you doing the spidey hand. You know, where you curl your two fingers?

And Peter, being the innocent little gremlin he is, sent it in return. His arm outstretched as he curled his middle and ring fingers. God, you thought, your thighs fluttering at the sight. You took a quick picture of you just sitting up and captioned it 'silly spidey'. That would buy you some time.

Keeping the image in your head, your fingers crept down your stomach and into your panties. You deftly found your clit and began to rub in in quick circles, gasping at the feeling. Your back arched slightly as you inhaled sharply. With those same two fingers from the photo, you started to thrust in and out, curling at that spot that makes you want to scream.

But in your mind it wasn't you, it was Peter. His hands in your pants making you feel so good. "Fuck, don't stop," you whined, throwing your phone somewhere on the bed. You couldn't care less about replying anymore. It felt so fucking good.

You felt your body reacting as your neared your orgasm already, just thinking about Peter. "Fuck, baby, you're so wet for me," he'd say in your ear as his toned arms supported his weight and trapped your head in. His left knee would be holding your right leg in place as you squirmed uncontrollably.

Until finally you came, finishing all over your sheets. You let yourself lay in euphoria before remembering about Peter. You scrambled to pull your pants up and grab the phone.

Pete ❤️

🟦 sent you a snap

Hello?

No reply?

Damn I just got ghosted 😞😞

You blushed, the full weight of what you'd just done settling on you.

Me

Sorry Peter dad wanted me for a sec

Pete ❤️

Oh ok alg

What'd he need

You rushed to think of something.

Me

He needed my little fingers for something

Wow, great lie, you thought sarcastically. You were wondering if it's possible for one to think sarcastically when he replied.

Pete ❤️

U sure it isn't u who needs my fingers for smth?

You turned the brightest shade of crimson on the spectrum of colour right then. Shit, think for a response! You thought desperately. Then he sent you another snap. You hesitated before opening it, seeing a picture of his hand clenching his sheets. Fuck~ you thought as you nearly moaned at the sight. Then you read the caption.

'Want help?'

You've never seen anyone agree as fast as you did then.

Send help I love this man too much. Like and rb as always and plz leave requests!!!

- star ✨️

[gorgeouslypink]

HIIII PINK!!! When I heard you were leaving I was so sad I even started crying and started to doubt myself on entering the void. I was like “how tf am I going to get into the void without pink???” I started procrastinating reading some of your post basically stalking ur page staying up til 4 in the morning (I was desperate 😭). I realized that I already read all of ur post, nd I just was surprised on how much time I wasted trying to get into the void. And I always dreamt abt putting a success story in your inbox. I already had all the knowledge i needed so what’s the point of more? I deleted tumblr and thought of anything that could help me get in the void. I did SATS while listening to my subliminal playlist, i daydreamed abt the void and my desires for fun, i affirmed for my void concept randomly throughout the day, feeling of the wish fulfilled, listened to delta waves when I was abt to sleep, and I meditated once a day for 10 mins. Meditation was optional but whateva 🤷‍♀️. I ONLY DID THAT FOR THREE FREAKING DAYS. And Im still mad at myself for wasting time procrastinating for 9 months. I was going to take a nap and I was in a drowsy state, so might as well affirm for the void right? I started saying affs like “I’m in the void”, etc etc. Once I started affirming, everything was just calm Yk? My body wanted to move but it was like it couldn’t cause the state I was in was calm asf. So I closed my eyes and just repeated the affs in my head over and over and over until I got this feeling like as if my body was floating, then I payed attention to it for a split second then ignored It after. I kept on affirming then I felt like I was being pulled then let go and it was as if I was falling. Everything got darker and quieter. So then I got scared and jumped because that scared me soo bad (I’m a easy person to scare 😔). After that, I felt like I was actually a master at the void, I took a nap again and I had the same feeling but when I felt like I fell I kept my calm. Then I couldn’t hear my fan which was louddd, I opened my eyes to total darkness, I was scared for two seconds and realized I was in the void!! Ngl I had a whole list set up with my desires and I was ready to affirm and goooo!!! But I realized how calm the void is and stayed there for what felt like 5 minutes. I did affirm I had all my desires and that I was able to wake up in the void under 5 seconds. When I woke up from the void it was 9 pm and I took a nap at 2!!! I woke up with all of my desires nd shi. (I would explain in more detail in how I got in and stuff like that but I was in a rush and didn’t want to make this too long 😀)

BUT THANK YOU SMM PINK, IM GOING TO MISS U SM. YOU HAVE BEEN A REALLY BIG HELP WITH MY VOID JOURNEY, I TRULY APPRECIATE EVERYTHING U HAVE DONE FOR THIS COMMUNITY, MAKE SURE TO ENJOY UR SELF 💗💗💖💖💖💗💕

✌️😼

Hi love!!! Omgosh I'm so proud of you! This is so cute and you deserve this so much and I'm genuinely happy for you. 💗

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 163 spoilers and thoughts that are making me procrastinate on like all of my work but its totally fine below the cut

.

.

.

i am so serious i was completely tricked into thinking this would just be a light episode with some ominous foreshadowing but still some answers for how to defeat fate. i thought we'd be in silly haha territory now and that soon we'd reach the end and everything would be wonderful now and they can finally have what they want. I WAS PROVEN WRONG

YOU. YOU TRICKED ME FROM THE GETGO BY SETTING THE MOOD OF THE EP TO BE SILLY OFF THE BAT. YOUR STUPID CUTE HAIR BEING MESSY WHEN U WAKE UP AND THOSE SILLY ASS D*SNEY ANIMALS. YOU YOU YOU YOU RAPHAEL YOU FOOLED ME

it's super cute and funny that his singing and his general demeanor is so fairytale esque that animals and people just love him even though he tried to destroy what they were working on . he looks adorable with messy hair. i wanna see it more. cute and blond. but also. FUCK YOU

like we went from that to this and i was like "oh my god they're gonna have a bonding moment" and i was so so happy i just,, i really thought,,,,

like he looks so pretty here!! and then javier says something so sweet and so javier-brand of affectionate and they're being funny about it and it's so cute and they're all smiley afterward in the reflections of the water so its like "awww stupid fucking idiots being happy at each other without even really knowing it i love them so much" AND THEN.

STUPID FUCKING OMINOUS REFLECTION GOT ME ALL WORRIED. BUT THEN I THOUGHT OF RAPHIE AT THE START AND WENT "nahhh thats just. yknow. the normal foreshadowing at something bigger. they haven't even gotten answers yet. it's fine" oh lynn. oh girl you had no idea.

like they're so close to the truth cmon they wouldnt dump what they need to do to stop fate AND whats going on w javier at the same time right? ha. ha. ha.

ominous panels aside POOR LLOYD,,, OF ALL THE SECRETS HE COULD HAVE CHOSEN,,, he had no idea its not fair </3 we got blushy lloyd as a result i love this panel btw he's very very cute. super duper bug of him. i really like that the artist has been drawing the two of them at this angle a lot recently they look so stupid i like it a lot

ALSO JAVIER DO YOU. HAVE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY. WHY DID HE ASK THAT I. JAVIER U CANT JUST ASK PEOPLE HOW DEE- WHAT THE FUCK

and then we got hit w javier being worried and i was like "man me too buddy, im worried too but im sure itll be oka-"

DEATH FLAG. WHY. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT LLOYD OH GOD. i read this and my worry that was briefly washed away IMMEDIATELY came back . tged is very good at giving me tonal whiplash. i dont think thats a bad thing but also its not good for my health either so. /lh

AND THEN WE GOT HIT WITH THE JEWEL OF TRUTH SECTION AND. AAAAHHH AAAAAAAAHHH the darkness that lloyd is in, he's all alone when he hears this god i . oh god i have so much to say okay

it's kind of hard to go shot by shot with this section because all my thoughts are overlapping with each other but ill try my best???

he's immediately pushed into communication between just him and the jewel and shrouded in a very very isolating darkness. there's so so so much empty space and all my yapping about how much lloyd has been isolating himself for the sake of finally protecting his loved ones kind of comes to a head here. and then we hear the truth...

lloyd is a BUG. the fact that he EXISTS is a problem that has been the catalyst of all the pain and work that he and javier have had to go through, so so early in the story. he's essentially being told that its HIS fault fate is threatening their lives. AND WOW THAT HURTS. how do you cope with being told that?? how do you manage that???

and on TOP of it all, in order to fix it, he has to choose. rid the world of this bug, or let the bug take over. THAT'S SO EVIL

the only way to protect his loved ones is to forfeit his protection over them, giving up his life. and yet the only way for him to continue being there to protect them is to lose the life of the one he absolutely loves most, javier. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT

the moment he hears this he falls to his knees. im so fucking ill IM SICK . THIS IS SICK AND TWISTED!!!!!!!!!!!

some more thoughts on the language and just. inherent despair of this section:

i think the choice of calling lloyd a bug is so so so heartwrenching. i don't know if it's an intentional thing by the writer/adapter or if it's just something they defaulted to since the world is considered a system, but either way it makes me so damn emotional

i'm a computer engineer, so i take some computer science classes too as part of my major, and one of those fun facts that you learn in those classes is that debugging/bugs became common terminology in compsci for a very silly reason. "bugs" as a word to describe error and defects had been present before, but it became conflated with programming due to a team of programmers actually finding a moth, a true to life Bug, interfering with their computer and thus messing with their program.

see, the JoT could have called lloyd anything. an error, a mistake, a problem, hell even a glitch would have worked. but they specifically said bug (and again whether or not thats intentional is up for debate but i will treat it like it is)

and the thing about bugs, the thing that haunts me now, is that without them the rest of the program (theoretically) works fine. if that moth hadnt entered the computer of those programmers, then their code would have been operating smoothly. the system would be chugging along well.

the knight of blood and iron would be functioning just fine.

yeah it'd be sad, yeah javier would have lost everyone, but it would have gone exactly as the program was written. the memory allocated for the class lloyd_frontera would be freed, and the story wouldn't have had to call on it, ever. but lloyd, the bug, the moth, stuck around. errors ensue.

and often, bugs are HUMAN error. it's a problem in a human design, not a natural glitch or mistake. the moth wouldn't have been able to enter that computer if it was built differently. bugs do not appear naturally. and they do not go away until you go back to where the bug appears and FIX IT. lloyd cannot fix the story, he can NEVER achieve the happy ending he's always wanted, because the program will always be bugged because of HIM.

suddenly too, all the little changes that have happened in the story thus far make so much sense. all of those events happening EARLIER than they should have completely tracks.

the choices lloyd made - to defeat neumann, defeat lacona, go to cremo, go to the capital - pushed javier's presence ahead, and i know that's like really really obvious, but coupled with this bug analogy i feel insane because

something that's very common in programming in general are function calls, where on the side you have the function written out all complete, and in your main code you can just say the name of the function. when it compiles, itll know what to refer to when it sees the name in your main code.

something else thats very common is conditionals! y'know, your classic "if (comparison here) then do (this thing here) else (do this thing here)", you might have seen this before (or not, im not sure how well versed tged tumblr is on programming which is why im explaining this)

and u think back to javier being there EARLY and oh. ooohh....

if (javier.location == magentano.event_location(banquet)) {

kyle_betrayal(alicia);

}

this function, this betrayal, was called early. THIS WAS CALLED EARLY because a certain character object, lloyd frontera, changed the state of javier's location way sooner than it should have happened. a bug. a bug. a bug. a bug made the code jump to this conditional. he's been a bug this whole time

and you think to when the glitches on javier first started appearing and oh. oooohhh. the object referred to as javier, disabled the "protagonist" variable on him and passed it onto lloyd. but that won't do, because all these functions for the ENTIRE STORY rely on javier's class object. how can it call on lloyd instead? lloyd should have been freed, aka the memory storing his little array of data, should have been REMOVED. CAUSE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE

theres more examples of this throughout the whole story that maybe ill list another day (as much as im yapping about it, its really not that hard/deep on figuring out where things were called early lol) but yeah yeah yeah. yeah this is so so evil and i cant believe i didnt put two and two together earlier. this analogy is SO EVIL WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS TO ME

apologies for the jargon btw. i have no idea if i explained this right or if anyone else really knows what im talking about but i've been losing it over this for the entire weekend ALKDFJLSDKF

WHATS WORSE IS THAT IVE BEEN CALLING LLOYD A BUG FOR LIKE. ACTUAL MONTHS. I WOULD REFER TO HIM AS A CREATURE AND AS A LITTLE ITTY BITTY BUG AND NOW I FEEL SO SO TERRIBLE BECAUSE HE REALLY WAS A BUG. I MADE A SHITPOST AND EVERYTHING (that ill prolly post later) THAT I HAD NO IDEA WOULD. AGE POORLY SOB SOB SOB

I AM SO SO SORRY LLOYD. I DIDN'T KNOW I DIDN'T KNOW I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sniffle,,, sob,,, anyway,,, thats enough yapping about bugs and programming and lloyd being a bug,,, back to the anguish

the following section is just. god ow ow OW. the shaking linework, the shadows setting in at the top with the dramatic bottom lighting, and the blur on javier as he loses focus and starts truly, truly panicking makes me INSANE. artist you're making me CRAZY!!!

javier truly has no idea either but god dammit he's trying his best to help, but how can lloyd explain this to the man whos completely and utterly loyal to him to the point of sincere devotion? if lloyd tells him, whos to say that javier - the martyr that he is - won't just give up his life for him? god that's so... GOD. GOD GOD GOD WHY AGHHH

AND AGGHHH AGGGHHHH THE FLASHBACKS TO THE P PANELS OF SUHO WORKING SO SO HARD TO REACH THE LIGHT. GOD FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK

ITS DIMMER ITS HARDER TO REACH AND OH MY GOD THE PANEL OF LLOYD REACHING UP EVEN IN HIS PANIC TOWARDS HOPE. THE THOUGHT THAT "ITLL GET BETTER ONE DAY" COMFORTED HIM AND KEPT HIM ALIVE BUT NOW ITS BEING RIPPED FROM HIM I FEEL ILL. EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL

this panel of that light going out . not much words on this i just feel sick to my stomach. why would u do that.

and finally at the end of the chapter we have this incredibly HAUNTING panel of lloyd panicking. the despair here is UNREAL. the lineart is shaken and messy and scribbly, and the focus on his face and his hand gives the panel a very claustrophobic and hard-to-breathe feel and it makes mE SICK!!! IT MAKES ME SICK!!! SICK AND TWISTED!!!! JEWEL OF TRUTH I HATE YOU!!!!!!!

anyway that's all my thoughts for right now . i really really hope they figure out a loophole or something . if they dont im actually gonna keel over and die /j not literally but yknow what i mean

SICK AND TWISTED!!! is my final word on this ep

thanks for joining me in hell ill see yall next week salute emoji