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gb-patch · 4 years ago

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Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference!

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked.

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :)

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right?

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty!

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe?

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in?

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more!

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch?

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that.

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :)

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂).

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4?

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc.

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before!

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that?

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever?

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :>

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game?

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1.

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you?

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing?

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc?

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments?

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress?

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

#our life #ask #gb patch #gb patch games #all projects #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever

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elbowreveal · 3 years ago

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i am going to put my emduo backstory headcanon brushup i wrote down in discord earlier here. just because ive been writing Around it and in case i publish any of my WIPs this is more context. or simply bc maybe one of u mite enjoy.

under the cut be a wall of text, unformatted, with typos abound:

ironing out a third or fourth version of emduo meet... and i really simply cannot get away from the 'EXTEEMELY mysterious dangerous self-sufficient vagabond guy journeying through all the lands over decades because he Can and Wants To' trope i think youd have to kill me at this point to get me to stop having having c!phil skittering around the world causing and solving problems. infinite flat world of minecraft. will he reach the edge and fall off into the void /j

[5:02 PM]so phil comes to this town and gets a tavern room to sleep and hes in the room laying on the bed with his stupid bird feet swinging behind him writing in a journal labeled 'year 57' which is how long hes been out of isolation for bc he just wants to meet ppl and travel etc when he hears a commotion across the river at a castle and is like "👀👀👀" so he flies over and is like "wots up :)" turns out the local peasants revolted killed the king and are working together to repurpose the castle and redistribute wealth and phils like "im not from around here but i can help if you want??" and theyr elike "shore!" and tell him to find any prisoners and hes like "ok i dont even NEED a key or lockpick hehehehe" and the guy internally is like 'ok! terrifying but i wont question that!'

[5:06 PM]so he finds a basement or dungeon and lets out all the imprisoned ppl and tells them to head upstairs where the organized locals will give them anythign they need. they all hurriedly thank him and scamper out to restart their lives as free men but theres one dude who is just fuckign terrified. a dubiously-teenaged piglin shoat who cant walk great but refuses to let phil touch him. so phil sits nearby and minutes turn to maybe an hour or two or three before hes able to convince the dude hes jsut a Random Guy Trying To Help and that Everything Is Cool Now and You Probably Should Take Antibiotics For That Scrape.

[5:11 PM]eventually the patience pays off and after heading up to the organized peasants one thing leads to another and phil is saying he can help the kid get back on his feet. then yknow it plugs into the old hc structure i have a pretty good handle on. cottagecore living where techno heals up and phil teaches him to read write cook hunt etc. and they simply become friends and never drift apart and are happy. ofc until some assholes from phils past show up one day try to stab him and techno throws himself into the way and dies bc he was also born hardcore. and then kristin (death god!) is like "WAIT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO FIX THIS-" and curses techno with all that blood god (a subordinate/more evil death god? like one of kristins shifty employees but thats all she could do in a short notice) shit but it restores his 1 life infinitely and gives him spidey senses.

[5:13 PM]so then techno respawns somewhere else and phil scrambles to find him bc kristin is like "ummmmmmmmmmm i sort of had to curse the dude sorry, but hes Alive" and then its a couple life cycles of Hell as techno adjusts to his new sort of divine powers and then they are able to calm down again and just be two dudes scampering around the world causing trouble and uncovering Forbidden Knowlege again

[5:14 PM]throw in the AE at some point bc they think theyre Smart Enough after a few centuries to lead better than other mortal blokes (theyre Wrong and it solidifies the whole anarchist philosophy about power over others etc) and then eventually u throw in a baby wilbur and land at the dsmp. mmm bqckstorie

[5:17 PM]the cottagecore section at the start before they really get into the Killing is such a comforting thing to think abt tbh. techno owning and caring for his first cows... trading recipies with the locals and waving to the townsfolk in the market,,, phil showing him a sturdy stitch to work deer hide with... hours and hours of bogus enchanting to learn somethign workable... making arrow tips by the fire...

[5:18 PM]etc etc. calm...

[5:19 PM]figured itd be a good foundation for a sweet guy trapped in a bigass piglin body whose destined to become a war criminal and mass murderer. makes it all add up ig

[5:20 PM]and then phils survivalist nature can be pinned on a couple of centuries of depending on only Himself and a little bit of creepy divine influence every couple of years. (points to death points to ender points to the empress)

[5:21 PM](mashes them up like potato in bowl) ingredience

[5:24 PM]also if u think abt it they Argue a Lot which just makes everythign funnier bc you know theyve been pinging back and forth the same braincell Forever and can have a whole assed conversation in "you suck >:(" "NAUR..."

[5:26 PM]everyones like 'awwww emduo the them<3" and its just 40 mins of them berating the other as if theyre stuck in the same habits from 1497

but then u know its just like. part of their fun when they toss the veil aside and r like "bro id die for you 🥺🥺🥺" "bro... pls dont bro"

scrunt ass milk. — Today at 5:40 PM

#my fic #mine #hc #long post #sort of?#not tagging this bc i am finally calmer about content creation in this fandom #i am in my corner fingerpainting

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illfoandillfie · 4 years ago

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ok sorry but how many people do yall think rog has ever slept with cos i’m guessing four figures no lie

okay, i don’t normally respond to messages like this because, frankly, i dont really feel like its my place to speculate on roger’s sex life. Theres a difference between writing a fiction story with a character named after and inspired by him and discussing his actual personal life which i have no real knowledge about. What he gets up to in his free time is between him and the women he does it with. but i didn’t really feel able to ignore this one. please don’t take this as me telling you off or shutting you down or anything like that. If you want to speculate about roger’s body count thats up to you, go nuts with it. and i love when you guys message me and I don’t want to discourage you from feeling like you can talk to me or just send me your random thoughts or whatever about any subject. But I feel like I need to address why I disagree with this sentiment. Also so I can ask ya’ll to please stop asking me questions like this.

So firstly, just to get this out of the way. 1000 is a lot. even 100 is a lot. I think if rog had slept with 1000+ people he’d have a least a few illegitimate kids and probably would have been checked into rehab for sex addiction (not to mention STIs and such because lbr people in the 70s specifically probs werent the most careful especially if drugs were involved). I mean even if we were going to say Rog got lucky with a different woman after every show we wouldn’t reach 1000. According to google, Queen played around 700 shows in their entire career. If we add shows played by The Cross thats only another 67 odd shows (according to wikipedia).

now, i think there are 3 things that contribute to this idea of roger as especially promiscuous. 1. His attitude/demeanour/general way he sells himself. 2. the generally held conceptions about rock stars and rock star behaviour. and 3. what i’m going to call fandom dumbassery (but i mean that with a lot of love)

So lets start with the man himself. Roger Taylor is loud and opinionated and not particularly humble. He knows he’s talented and attractive though for at least some time he was a little self-conscious about how feminine he looked. He’s always up for a laugh, likes to party and has admitted to enjoying his drink and his women. He’s had kids with two different women, who’s relationships “overlapped”, and is currently married to a third. At least that’s the perception we can gleam from his interviews, behind the scenes videos, and other public appearances.

It’s easy to see how that image leads to accusations of being a womaniser and a cheater and basically a bit of a slut lmao. But here’s the thing. I think Roger, in part, markets himself that way. The thing is, if you look at his solo songs and the relationships he currently has with his kids and their mothers, and things other people have said about him/his relationships over the years, I think it’s fair to say he also has a bit of a romantic streak maybe? idk if thats the best way of describing it...he’s self confessed to not being a fan of marriage and the like but he’s not opposed to writing and singing love songs and seems to believe in ~love~ as a concept/power. He certainly cares deeply for those closest to him. Whether or not that translates to an agreement with monogamy I can’t say for certain. It’s hard to draw conclusions here because a lot of what we know of his personal life was fed to us through magazines and news paper gossip column articles and they were never looking for the truth, they were looking for scandal and sensationalism.

For instance the whole thing with the overlapping relationships. I think most people who have read anything about roger and dom and debbie realise that it’s not as cut and dry as “he was cheating with debbie and left dom for her” even though that was the story being sold by the press at the time. The reality (or at least the version closer to reality since obviously no one outside of them and whoever they were closest with knows all the nitty gritty details) is that rog and dom had already split when they got married. it was a marriage of convenience to make sure her and the kids would be looked after financially etc even after he’d moved out. So while it looked to the public like he married one chick and 30 odd days later was spotted with another, there really wasn’t anything untoward happening. I’m not saying he never had casual hookups or one night stands and i’m not saying he never cheated, but I do think some of it’s been exaggerated, whether by him to encourage the rock star perception or by newspaper/magazine articles.

Now, obviously, we have stories of rog, particularly in the late 60s and into the 70s, being with multiple women. There’s that bit in the Interview with a Queen “Groupie” (which is a fantastic read and i defs recommend checking it out if you havent already) where she talks about roger being a chick magnet and says that, at the time, it was pretty common to sleep about. But, she also says she didnt notice him doing it more or less than anyone else and seemed to mostly be with Jo (his girlfriend at the time). This is the same Jo that got a mention in the Queen in 3D book (”i think we all had the feeling that these two were together for life, but it was not to be”). Conversely, we have that quote (which i cannot find rn but i’ll link it when i do) about roger sometimes having one girl upstairs while another waited in the garage for them to be finished. I think it was about Rog in the mid-late 60s in Truro but whatever. Obviously he wasn’t anywhere near celibate and it’s likely was sleeping with people outside of his relationship(s). But one has to assume that as he got older those kinds of antics stopped happening, at least as frequently.

There is one potential story that I remember reading somewhere along the way about Roger cheating on Debbie while she was pregnant. But, take that with a grain of salt because I can’t find the article again and also I think it was from like The Sun or something equally as rubbish. The press was notoriously always printing mean shit about the boys and that might have been another thing they published to create scandal. Even so, if we assume it’s legit that is still only 1 story. Not to throw him under the bus but Brian is the one with multiple confirmed affairs, who literally wrote songs about it all. So why is Roger the one with sleazy reputation?

This is where my second and third points come in. There is a pervasive idea about what it means to be a rock star. The whole trashing hotel rooms, sleeping with groupies, passing out drunk every night thing. And I’m sure that Queen was like that to an extent. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that all of them got up to shit on the road. Between innuendo laden interviews and songs, videos and accounts of their parties, stories CT has put online, and other stories like the one of Roger bringing out lines of coke as dessert when he was having dinner with motley crue. They definitely embraced the rock and roll lifestyle. And I think with Roger’s personality being what it is, it’s easy to link him to those traditional rock star tropes and say it was all true all the time. I also think Roger has done nothing to counter those beliefs. He’s been open about how he wanted to be a rock star since the minute he picked up a guitar, he’s labelled himself as a great lay in magazines, he’s joked about girls pulling their tits out over dinner in interviews (though he said he didnt take her home), he’s written songs like One Night Stand and Dirty Mind and Airheads which explicitly mention his preference for women and alcohol. I think it’s fair to say he’s kind of encouraged that view of himself. Whether it was just a side effect of being part of such a well known band and having such a boisterous demeanour/personality, or whether it was intentional as a version of promotion i don’t know. maybe a mix of them? I mean I’m sure it didn’t hurt sales and stuff. it’s the whole guys want to be him, girls want to be with him thing, right? Maybe that’s just me being cynical though lmao.

Anyway, the fandom brain has taken all of that and compressed it into memes and jokes about rog being the band slut. Which i’m not complaining about, lord knows i’ve made the same jokes and reblogged the same posts and used those tropes in my fics. They’re funny and lend themselves to interesting fic concepts. Plus, i think roger is the sort of person who would probably laugh about most of it. But it’s an idea that keeps feeding into itself through fandom, perpetuating what is probably a misguided view of his personal life.

Again, I am sure he’s had his fair share of fun and I’m not trying to make out that he was always perfect or whatever, but I don’t think he’s been with as many women as the popular discourse would imply and I certainly don’t think he’s in the 4 digit numbers.

#i7558vjvug #please god dont let this start anything #im just here to write smut and have a good time

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apoguecalledjj · 5 years ago

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Fixation ( Chapter 9)

Sorry for my absence! I just started my first year of uni. But anyways, here it is, the last chapter of Fixation! (Theres an epilogue coming!) Definitely shorter than I originally planned, but I’m proud of it and I’m just happy to get it published. Hope you loved this series as much as I loved writing it!

Series summary: Eleanor is new to the outer banks, and the pogues are quick to take her in. But so are the kooks, and as she grows closer with Rafe, trouble emerges. Trying to balance her relationship with the pogues and the kooks, as well as dealing with her own personal problems, Eleanor falls into a hole she may not be able to dig herself out of.

Chapter Word Count: 2111

Chapter Warnings: None

Previous Parts: Ch. 1 Series masterlist

Taglist: @prejudic3 @maragritatimebaybee @drewxxrudy @outerbankslove @bricksatanakinswindow @alexa-playafricabytoto @gigi-june

JJ hardly left Ellie’s side. For the entirety of the two weeks, she was in the hospital, he was there, sat by her bed. He left to shower and sleep, and that was only because the nurses told him he had to. Of course, Ellie’s family and the pogues visited quite often as well, and Topper and Kelce. But the dedication JJ showed to Ellie melted her heart, and every day, thoughts of Rafe drifted away and were replaced with more and more of the beautiful blond-haired boy next to her. He stayed even when withdrawal and recovery got bad, held her hand through every needle and test she had done, and told her stories from his life when she got bored. John B and Pope teased him, wondering what had happened to the JJ they knew, but it was obvious to everyone what had happened: He had fallen in love. Now, just a few days after Ellie’s discharge from the hospital, the pair sat in her bed, the door opened just a crack from the rules her uncle laid, her head resting gently on his chest as he scrolled through her Netflix looking for a movie. Travis had grown to like JJ, something that shocked everyone. Even if Travis didn’t already have a bias against pogues, JJ had a reputation that everyone on the island knew about, and adults didn’t usually take kindly to him. But Travis couldn’t help but notice the way JJ changed around his niece, how he was much more gentle and quiet, and Travis respected that. “JJ, just turn on friends or something. I think I wanna have a nap,” Ellie muttered, snuggling in further onto JJ’s chest. The two weren’t official yet, Ellie still wanted to take things slow and they hadn’t gone any further than kissing, but everyone still considered her JJ’s girl. “El, you slept for 12 hours last night, and 13 the night before! How do you sleep so much?” “I got up to pee a couple of times,” Ellie muttered in defense, and JJ chuckled. “And it’s not my fault you’re so comfy. You make it so easy to fall asleep.” JJ didn’t respond, instead, he just switched-on friends and rested his head lightly against Ellie’s. He reached down, grabbing her hand in his, and she slowly rubbed her fingers over his calloused palms. He too found himself growing tired, the tiny action relaxing him as he focused on the feeling of her small hands against his. Ellie was barely drifting off when her phone rang, waking her. She groaned, barely opening her eyes to glance up at JJ. “Can you grab that?” JJ leaned over, reaching across her body to pick up her phone which was sitting on the nightstand. “Uh, Ellie,” He exclaimed as he turned it over, looking at the caller ID. “It’s your mom.” Ellie shot up, all traces of tiredness lost from her body. She had been here for a couple of months already, and her mother hadn’t reached out to her once. So why now? JJ stayed quiet as she answered the phone, not really knowing what to do. He had heard lots about Ellie’s mom, but he wasn’t sure if her calling was a good or bad thing. “What do you want?” Ellie snapped into the phone. It was definitely a bad thing. Ellie couldn’t help but roll her eyes as her mother’s voice echoed through the phone, slurred, just like always. “Eleanor. Travis told me what happened and I just wanted to check on my baby girl.” “Please don’t call me your baby girl.” The words stung Ellie. She understood addiction, especially after having gone through it, but that didn’t make the neglect from her mom hurt any less. “I love you, Eleanor. I’m sober now. I’m trying to get better, just for you. I’ve been going to meetings and-” Ellie cut her mom off. “You’re slurring. God only knows what you’re high on right now.” JJ shifted over, moving closer to Ellie so he could wrap his arms around her gently. Her eyes were filled with tears, threatening to overflow. Hearing from her mom unexpectedly shook her to her core, and a knot had worked its way into her stomach and showed no sign of leaving. “Don’t reach out to me until you’re sober, mom.” Ellie hung up the phone, not bothering to listen to anything else the woman had to say. She was tired, her whole life she had been dealing with her mother's addiction all while learning to take care of herself and her sister, and it seemed to be following her no matter where she went. “You okay?” JJ asked quietly, brushing away a stray tear that had leaked from her eye. He tugged on her body lightly, laying her down on the bed next to him and pulling her closer to his chest. The question seemed to ake things worst though, and JJ internally swore as Ellie began to shake and sob. He knew what it was like to have a shitty parent, but seeing someone else go through the pain was so heartbreaking, especially when it was someone he loved so much. He wanted more than anything to take all the pain away from her, but that was something he couldn’t do, so instead, he held her close and prayed that one day she could be fully happy. --- It was Ellie’s first time back at the chateau since she had been discharged from the hospital. Even though it had already been a couple of weeks, the pogues had all been quite busy and there wasn’t a great time for them all to get together. Today though, everyone was free, so they planned a little celebration for Ellie. Even with just the six of them, a few balloons and a small store-bought cake, the ‘party’ still bought a huge smile to Ellie’s face that stuck around even after the cake had been devoured and the balloons had been popped (The first was an accident by John B, the rest by JJ after he saw how much the loud pop scared everyone else). It was beginning to get dark out, and they had made their way from John B’s tiny, and now messy, kitchen out to the small firepit he had outside. It took a while to light the fire, but once it was ablaze the laughter and chats continued. Ellie couldn’t help but notice that for the entire day, not a drop of alcohol was involved. Even though alcohol wasn’t involved in her recent addiction and overdose, the pogues were still cautious with her recovery and she appreciated that. As the air began to get chilly, Ellie leaned into JJ’s side, and he wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her even closer. Sarah smirked, there had been no talks of a relationship between the two since Ellie had been released from the hospital but everyone could tell something was going on. Sarah opened her mouth, ready to question the pair cuddled up together, but footsteps approaching from the driveway interrupted her. John B and Kiara heard it too, their faces contorted in confusion as they weren’t expecting anyone else to show up. “What the fuck are you doing here?” John B noticed who it was first, and he stood up hastily, clearly trying to block Ellie’s view of who it was. But as soon as John B spoke, Ellie pulled away from the warmth of the boy beside her, standing up so she could see over John B’s shoulder. She moved forward quickly, ready to jump in to help the pogues with their unwanted guest, but quickly froze as she made eye contact with Rafe Cameron. JJ was beside her in an instant, his hand lightly resting on her lower back. She could hear him breathing heavily, could feel the anger radiating from him. “You got a lot of nerve showing up here,” He sneered, ready to jump into a fight. “I just want to see Ellie,” Rafe said defensively, his hands raised in the air. “I have no interest in seeing you.” Ellie found her voice, the words coming out way harsher than intended, not that she minded. “Ellie, I-” Rafe started to speak, moving to get closer to her, but he was blocked as John B quickly stepped to the side. “Could you shut the fuck up?” It was clear how angry Ellie was, all the fear and uneasiness she had displaced just minutes ago nowhere to be seen. She pulled away from JJ and brushed past John B so that she was stood directly in front of her ex. “Ellie, wha-” JJ questioned her but was cut off by a wave of her hand, and all the pogues were quiet. None of them doubted Ellie, she could handle this herself and they all knew it. “Why are you being so fucking rude?” The softness that had coated Rafe’s face when he first arrived was gone, replaced with fury and hatred. Ellie rolled her eyes. “You almost killed me, Rafe. You left me to die from an overdose on a drug that I never even would have taken if it wasn’t for you. Not to mention, the entirety of our relationship, you were a complete ass. So yes, I’m being rude. I have no idea why you would even think it would be okay to come here to see me.” “Whatever. You’re a massive fucking bitch anyways,” Rafe muttered. At this, JJ’s hand balled into a fist, enraged that the kook had the audacity to talk about Ellie that way. He wanted to rush forward, to pound his fist into his face. But he didn’t need to, because as Rafe turned to leave, Ellie reached out and grabbed his hand, turning him back towards her. Hope flashed in his eyes, Rafe’s immediate thought being that she changed her mind and was going to ask him not to leave. That thought was short-lived though because Ellie proceeded to smack him across the face. John B gasped, shocked at the sudden physical outburst from Ellie he hadn’t seen before. Sarah snorted, glad to see her brother finally getting what he deserved. Pope blinked slowly, trying to figure out what had happened to the sweet Ellie he had got to know, not that he blamed her for hitting Rafe. JJ stared in awe, amazed at the girl he loved standing up for herself. Rafe opened his mouth to speak, his eyes narrow as he glared at Ellie. “Don’t,” She said, shaking her head. “I think it’s time for you to leave.” Luckily, Rafe turned to leave, no longer interested in putting up a fight. Ellie stuck up her middle finger to him as he left, and even though his back was to her and he couldn’t see it, the gesture still made her feel good. “Woah, Ellie!” John B shouted once Rafe’s truck had sped off. “Didn’t know you had it in you!” “That’s my girl!” JJ whooped, rushing forward and wrapping his arms around her. He lifted her in the air, spinning her around with excitement, but quickly noticed how stiff she was, her arms didn’t reciprocate the hug, her smile didn’t match his, instead, she nibbled at her lip nervously, her eyes wide. JJ quickly backtracked and realized the mistake he made. “Oh, shit, El,” He muttered, putting her down and stepping back to look at her better. “I’m sorry, that just slipped out.” Ellie blinked a couple of times, gathering her thoughts together before slowly smiling. “No, I- I liked the sound of it. I think I’d like to be your girl.” JJ could hear his friends cheering around them, but at that moment, all he could focus on was her. The words took him by surprise, she had been so set on taking things slow, he didn’t expect it. Ellie could tell he was flustered, the slight pink tinge to his cheeks giving him away. She stepped forward with a smirk, grabbing his hand to pull him closer as well. They were basically touching, she glanced up at him innocently and JJ swore he fell in love even more. “You gonna kiss your girl?” Ellie whispered. JJ bent his head down slightly so his lips could meet hers, and even though they had kissed before, this felt different. She was finally his. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her even closer, both of them forgetting about everyone around them. JJ was absolutely and utterly in love with her, and he didn’t know it, but she was in love with him too.

#Outer Banks #outer banks netflix #outer banks imagine #outer banks imagines #outer banks jj #obx #obx fic #outer banks one shot #obx imagine #obx one shot #obx netflix #jj #jj maybank fic #jj maybank #jj maybank one shot #outer banks jj maybank #OC #oc x jj

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burnedbyshoto · 6 years ago

Text

if you sent any asks (recommendations for things don’t count as I have to look around!) since october 17 until october 22 it is in here :)

anon said: The header for your askbox response post is *aesthetic*. I think it’s a really good idea to post one every few days if you have the time. ❤️

well, thANK YOUUUUU!!!!! I put in a whopping 10 minutes into it because I had no idea what I was doing! i’ll definitely be doing asks this way now though.

big dick kiri anon said: !!!!!! ILY HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PLS HYDRATE 💙💙❤️❤️ -bigdickkiri

Omg love! Please don’t worry about kinktober just breathe! Take your time and try to relax 💙❤️- bigdickkiri

DAMN, that is a LOT. Please look after yourself and don't stress about it love!! - bigdickkiri

I'm very excited. BUT PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOURSELF, DO NOT FORCE ANY OF THIS OMG - bigdickkiri

AHH, AMAZING, TALENTED SWEETHEART, GORGEOUS LOVE, HAVE A INCREDIBLE DAY AND HYDRATE - bigdickkiri

I believe I did have a good day, and I am actually super bad at hydrating, buT ILL TRY TO GET BETTER!!!!

I am breathing!!!! JUSTTT BREATHEEEE!!! I am taking my time now and relaxing to the best of my ability :D thank you so much bdk I love you with all my soul

theres always a lot, but if im not doing a lot I dont do anything so on one hand.... it’s okay LMAO but I will continue to try and not stress :D

BDK I WOULD NEVER WANT TO MAKE YOU THINK IM FORCING THIS OUT OF MEEEE ILL TRY MY BEST TO MAKE YOU PROUD

GHSOGHJIAORGJRGIRAHG YOURE AMAZING, BEAUTIFUL, TERRIFIC, INCREDIBLE!!!!!!! YOU HYDRATE AND MAKE SURE YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU

@bread-theduck said: We love you and support you ❤ dont push yourself, your mental health is so much more important that kinktober haha. Take all the time you need, we're right here and open if you wanna talk~

I don’t really try to push myself... it just happens subconsciously D: but thank you for the love and support!!!! my mental health is stronger than I give it credit though

anon said: listen! we all appreciate you and your writing dearly but! I think we can all agree that we want you to be okay mentally and physically before you make yourself write! kinktober can wait! you’re more important!! at the very least, pls take a break for tonight.

I honestly can’t even remember when i said I was tired, but thank you for your kind words regardless!!!! I am trying to get better at it because i don’t want to disappoint you guys D:

@saintbullet said: Please take care of yourself!!! DONT risk your health for writing. We care about you so much! Be careful 💕💕💕

I know I push myself a lot, and i’m really sorry for scaring you all!!!! I am trying though, and it just has a lot to do with my mental fatigue and that im judging some hard classes right now then it has to do with anything

anon said: hey it'll be alright! idk whats wrong but i promise everything will work out like its supposed to! you just take care of yourself and take as much time as you need to feel better!! we love u!! ♥️

It wAS MY PERIOD I REMEMBER NOW AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOO WITH ALL THE LOVE MY HEART POSSES!!!!!!

anon said: periods can be a pain so pls take care of yourself!! drink lots of water and rest up!!!

my period is the worst, if she was a person i’d block her and avoid her irl!!!!!!!!

anon said: Lol ok so gay for Mina anon back and no, I was not the anon who requested it. But lmao, let me take this time to whole heartedly thank that anon for quenching my thirst anyways

oh whoops, sorry for thinking you were someone else D: iM GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU WERE HAPPY WITH IT!!! READER WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BAD GUY BUT I COULDN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE IT WORK LMAO

anon said: I am just planning on hanging out and reading all the lovely writing that comes from this

i’m pretty sure this is about my nsfw/sfw headcanons, and honestly im sooo very excited to start working on them!!!!!!!!

anon said: you have no idea how happy I got when I saw u posted for mina like UGH MY WIFE I LOVE HER SO MUCH 🥺🥺🥺 N GIVING US GAYS AMAZING CONTENT UR AMAZING MWAH MWAH KEEP BEING THE PERFECT ANGEL U ARE 🥺🥺💞💗💖💕💓💝

AHHHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT MINA IS LIKE MY FAV CLASS 1-A GIRL SO I LOVE HER SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHH YOURE AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU AND YOURE AN ANGEL!!!!!!!

many a anons said: Sorry I didn’t see the part where you said not to request characters that were already on the list I thought that was the list of character we could vote for.

so sorry I accidentally sent a character in that has already been requested, Tumblr didn't show me the follow up posts ;;

nooo I didn’t see the list I’m so sorry 😭😭😭

LOL ITS OKAYYYY. y’all were hoes and kept sending me shouto who I couldn’t even think about deleting from my list... so... you are lucky >:(

anon said: hello! not a request here but take care of yourself anc stay hydrated bb 🥰🥰

I got my water right next to me rn bby :D

anon said: be todoroki’s girlfriend

bitch I am todorokis WIFE, why would I need to dress up???

@girl-with-a-mentality said: You can be todoroni for Halloween.

....you right...

anon said: Thirst post infoo ;3 I found a doujinshi of Bakugo being teased and toyed with sexually with by Ochako, Yaomomo, and our lovely momma Mina

...send it

anon said: GIRLLLLLL

ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN ;)

local dumbass anon said: local dumbass is here once again, i thiink you know who i am and might've found my ig buuuuuut..?

uh.... I don’t know???????? I only followed people on insta if you gave me your handle or followed me first.... also did you cut your bangs?

anon said: Your Monoma scenario was really good!If we’re being honest, though, Monoma would literally start foaming at the mouth if he saw anyone from 1-A making physical contact with his s/o, ESPECIALLY Bakugou. They would have to call animal control because there would be a rabid Monoma in the dorms lol

okay... while you’re not wrong, I just thought 18 year old monoma should have grown up just the tiniest bit! plus his obsession is controlled because of his insecurity so LMAO IDK I JUST THOUGHT MAYBE UGH

@awkward-theaterkid said: I was reading your Day 19 Fic but I couldnt take it seriously, the title "My Way" kept reminding me of the Backstreet Boys "I want it that way" and it keeps popping up while I read it 😂

as someone who only heard that song because of b99 I read this and immediately thought of b99 LMAOOOOO

🍒💥anon said: URGENT PSA: LYSSA IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING AND I LOVE HER -🍒💥

Hello Queen Lyssa, I finally read "And They Were Roommates" and have absolutely no idea why I put it off so long! ITS A MASTERPIECE. Each chapter is addictive and the slow burn and angst destroyed me 😭 The smut in the final chapter is flawless and sooooooooooooooooooo H O T. Shoto wasnt even my favorite character but he might have to be now (or at least in my top 3) 😰 This is my new favorite series and I cant wait to re-read it!!!! YOURE AMAZING AND ILY. You own my soul now -🍒💥

URGENT PSA I LOVE YOU CHERRY EXPLOSION AND YOURE AMAZING :D

ATWR holds a special place in my heart uwu.... HAOGHIOSRGSIOGJSIHG THANK YOU!!!!! SHOUTO IS AN AMAZING CHARACTER WHO I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEARRTTTTTT

~ thank you to @didyoumeanme, @kittenlordofdarkness, @soafers for submitting memes and animal pics for my rommate, much appreciated :D ~

anon said: Did the local dumbass anon ever cut their bangs? Do you know?

....I dont know, but I just asked her rn >:)

this paragraph is dedicated to those surrounding to the meltdown mess that occurred yesterday. to each and every one of you who sent me kind words via my askbox or directly contacting me, thank you. I really want to move past this because I feel by holding on it will make me feel less inclined to write because of my guilt. of course, I do not expect you to forgive me, or trust me in my story of how it went down, because at the end of the day it was my mistake for trusting in someone to write with pure intentions when I didn’t know if she could. im trying to continue on with my best foot forward and im grateful for those of you who trusted in me. I swear I will never push myself again, and that I will instead take my time in order to publish my original work and only my original work and not take anything that comes from a “friend”. know that I love you all, and I dont know how to take it easy so my break lasted a whooping 10 hours, and my blog won’t discontinue until im done with bnha or...I get into medschool which is still 3 years away, I am taking care of myself, im staying hydrated, im trying not to put myself down anymore, I will keep going, & will forever continue to be more careful with what I post. also, no one was really coming for me, so don’t worry if you thought so lol. (to you 9 anons who expressed their kind thoughts to me, thank you. to big dick kiri anon thank you. to @bqkubabey, @flayvus, & @ultimate-shit-poster thank you so so much you really helped me not drown myself in my own guilt.)

anon said: i hope you’re feeling okay today :((

I am feeling a lot better. unfortuantely I did make myself really sick yesterday because ive never been as stressed in my life ever, but im okay now. there’s nothing I can do more for what happened so I will try to continue on as best as I can and I appreciate you caring... ilysm :)

@ikinabi said: Your writing??? Actually god sent 🥵👌 and the way you write Mirio gets me GOING

BAHAHAH NOOOOO ITS NOT PLAFUAOGHJIPRAHAR MY MIRIO PIECE YOU LIKED WAS MY FIRST PIECE ON HIM AND OOO BOY I DID NOT DO HIM JUSTICE

anon said: fuck buddy iida is a thought that has never crossed my mind but now that i’ve seen your post i am intrigued haha

well... it is up :) if you wanna check her out :)

anon said: You dont have to answer if you dont wanna but i just wanna see if your okay. I hope your end your doing well and not stressing.

i’m doing much better than I was yesterday!!! I just needed to rest and calm down and stop attacking myself. thank you for checking in!!! it means so much :,)

#ask lyssa anything #lyssa doesnt shut up #anonymous

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deniigi · 6 years ago

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Hello! Just about to sit down and read your newest fic, so excited about it! I had a question for you (you very well may have answered this already, so sorry in advance!), but do you have advice for writing? Advice in terms of getting start, plotting out stories, helping get the creative juices flowing? I have all these ideas but seem to lack the drive to get things written out. I know the best advice is to just write, but I'm having a horrible time starting. What do you do in those moments?

Hello my dear!

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. The lord has blessed me with a head cold and ruined all my plans of productivity for the day, so I can finally answer this ask! I’ll talk a little bit about both how to get started with a story and then some little things that help me motivate myself.

I have started a tag for writing advice here: http://deniigi.tumblr.com/tagged/writing-advice

This is going to be a long post, sorry mobile users.

I am going to preface all of this with the understanding that I am technically a professional writer in terms of like, a handful of ways, but I have absolutely zero training in creative writing, so take everything I say with a grain of salt!

So, I personally find that, on the whole, that psychological hurdle of getting started comes a lot from the anticipation of the kind of response a story will get (how many hits, how many comments, how many kudos) in addition to a bit of anxiety or fear over theloss of sustained interest in that story (by yourself and/or by your audience). I find that this can be alleviated by really, truly internalizing the understanding that you are allowed to write your work however you damn please, for whoever you damn please.

There will be work you write for others, and there will be work you write for yourself. Not all work needs to be published; sometimes, it is really nice to just write shit for yourself; it is a plus for humanity if you decide to share it with others, but you do not have to do that.

Furthermore, I would like to present you with this:

This is what my current folder for under fire looks like. And you might notice that there are almost always multiple drafts per chapter. Yes, I did in fact rewrite chapter four 5 fucking times, you bet your ass I did. And I’m not ashamed of it. I think the story is better for it. And that’s the important thing here: you do not need to produce a perfect draft the first time around. You will not produce that perfect draft. Accept this. Embrace this. Embrace it and your cat at the same time to really ingrain it as a warm, fuzzy feeling.

Liberate yourself from the pressure of needing to produce the perfect, most right draft and you may find starting the piece overall to be a much easier, more pleasant experience.

And along with this beautiful, uplifting spiritual advice, I also bring a practical thought: when it comes to getting started, a lot of times, people feel like they need to set the stage, yadda yadda yadda. Ha. No. Fuck that.

That’s a surefire way to bore the shit out of yourself. Start right in the middle of a scene that captivates you if that’s what you want to write. It’s a free platform. No one’s gonna arrest you if you stick Spiderman upside down in trash first thing. They might even applaud you actually, because you didn’t make them slog through some of that ‘It was the evening of the 25th and it was cold out in the streets” bullshit we all learned from Dickens.

Alright. Now let’s talk about actually getting started making words appear on paper.

So, from my knowledge there are generally two ways that folks write creatively. You have what I’m going to call the planners and then you what I’m going to call the monsters (I call them this entirely affectionately, I’m sure there’s a better word for these folks, but I don’t have it atm, all I have is a headcold). Planners are folks who sit down and work out their major plot points, who write outlines, and who create the scaffolding of their work before they set out on their magical journey. I think of these folks as architects.

And then you have the monsters and these are those fuckers who just sit down and write stream of consciously like the heathens all our high school teachers tried to teach us not to be.

I am both a planner and a monster. And a lot of that depends on the length of work I’m going for. I have never in my life planned a one-shot, for example. I just attack that as it is. I follow my heart, if you will. But when it comes to longer chaptered fics, I really do think that some outlining is super helpful.

You might find it useful for one-shots, though, I dunno. Maybe give it a try and see what happens?

The two main fics I’ve done proper outlines for are Inimitable and under fire and I actually find outlining to be immensely helpful in psyching me up to write the story (I go through and re-read my outlines when I start to lose interest or diverge too much from the plot outlined there in the actual writing. 9 times out of 10, re-reading gets me stupid excited to write all over again) and it also helps me keep momentum going throughout the plot.

Here’s a pic of some pages of under fire’s outline.

Physically writing the work is really important for me because it forces me to only put down key points/feelings/ideas I want to include, whereas typing gives me far too much room to get lost/distracted by extraneous detail. And since my handwriting is a teacher’s worst nightmare and I cross out shit and write huge with emotion, I’ll give you a little bit of what the middle page here says:

Miles-

there’s something thrumming

vibrating in his ears wherever he goes

-closes his eyes and somehow enters blackness- emptyness (Stranger Things style)

beat

“help.”

–BACK - everything is gone

closing his eyes doesn’t bring the space back

–it makes him panic. He doesn’t know why. His heart is pounding. He’s sweating He has a horrible feeling of doom.

beat

its gone.

he goes home anxiously. Pretends everything is normal.

his neck crawls

So basically it’s less of a formal outline and more of a collection of stream of consciousness feelings and screenplay directions which I’ll flesh out in the actual story.

Personally, I love writing these kinds of things because they get me pumped for the story I’m about to tell. I get to write out the key scenes and work through all the hard parts first, and then, while I’m writing, I work through the little fun details and banter and I have to write to figure out how we get from one scene to the next and I love the challenge of having to fit those pieces together. I very rarely stick strictly to my outline, (as anyone who is currently reading under fire can tell you right now), but I do try to stick to the main plot points in it and my writing is certainly better for it.

So yes. Outlining is very good, but it is even better when you do it to some kind of music. I listened to What’s Up Danger from the Into the Spiderverse soundtrack on repeat while I wrote this outline to kind of transfer some of the relentless pace conveyed in that song to the piece’s plot.

I highly recommend using music to set the mood of your piece while/before you write a piece of any length. It helps get you in the right headspace (excited or somber or angry) to write. You need emotion to write creatively. You can’t just make that happen sometimes; you need a little help.

A couple other things which might help:

1. Leave your house or the space you’re normally in. Go to a cafe and find a nice corner and have a think and a try in there. Sometimes moving to a different space helps you escape cyclical thinking patterns.

2. Write what you want to read. Don’t bother writing for other peoples’ interests; that’ll just bore the shit out of you all over again.

3. Find an atmospheric mood sound to listen to on Youtube or smth (I personally like Rain on a Car Windshield for slightly somber fics, but you might be into ocean storms or dripping caves or whatever).

4. Heat your feet. I don’t know why but I am entirely unproductive when my feet are cold. Maybe this one is me-specific, but whatevs. Heat the feets!

5. If you’re still having trouble just sitting down and pounding the story out, that’s okay! Maybe it’s not ready to be written yet. Maybe you’re not in the right headspace yet. Sometimes that’s just how it is. One story makes its way out in like, a hour, and the next one takes like, months to finally be written. We all work at different paces. We all write for different reasons.

It might help to figure out why you want to write a story before you write it. Like, if its for attention, it’s gonna be hard as hell. But if there’s an idea that you feel like is important or if there’s a mood you’re trying to work yourself into or out of, then that might be a little easier. For example, I wrote a piece called make it work which is about Fogs finding his motivation to be a lawyer and fight for justice when Kavanaugh was confirmed and I felt super helpless in the face of our present justice system. That story kind of wrote itself and it needed to be written, I feel, not just for me, but for others who were feeling just as helpless.

Writing is catharsis in that way. Maybe you just need to find out what you need to wring out of your soul.

Sorry that got very metaphysical. But I do want to stress that getting started and ending a story are the hardest parts of writing them, so you are definitely not alone if you feel like you’re ramming your head into a wall here.

I hope something here helps you, my dear!

#fic #writing advice #fanfiction #managingmischiefsince1988

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bxmbshelle · 6 years ago

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go big or go home, lets have all of em

oh my lord lasagna. i dont expect anything less from you, tho

1 - one text you wish you’d sent?

this is a little oddly specific but... i can give you the context if you want ig.

“when i say “you don’t care about my mental health”, i dont mean anything to do with my other friends. i mean that you have called me annoying to my face, said you liked the “old [real name]”, told me it was annoying when i expressed my depressed thoughts, was embarrassed of one of my stress toys to the point i stopped bring it, and outright didn’t care when i was screaming, drowning for help. so yeah, dont make this about my other friends.”

2 - can only talk to one person for the rest of your life, who is it?

sorry lasagna i love you to death but probably @minamishipsit-secondround

3 - guiltiest pleasure?

80s boy bands are the shit thats all.

4 - what do you do when you’re sad to cheer yourself up?

i listen to the monkees and the beatles of course!!! or watch the monkees, i have my favorite episode recorded so i always watch that :)))

5 - who’s your inspiration?

i have a lot, but i suppose howard ashman. for those not in the know, he was a song writer for the little mermaid, pretty much my all time favorite movie. even when i was a smol child and didnt read the credits i knew his name and i love all his work.

6 - something you want but are afraid to ask for?

a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a datemate or whatever.

7 - do you think you have big or small dick energy?

good question. i feel like i pretend to have big dick energy but truthfully i have moderatly sized dick energy.

8 - your favourite daydream?

idk if its a daydream but theres this one situation i always imagine for one of my ships and its just. really soft. thats all.

9 - happiest memory this week?

uhhh playing with my kitties or when i found out i got an a on my math test.

10 - if you could change one thing what would it be?

just? in general? about me? anything? personally id like to not be a depresso bean but oh well.

11 - ultimate goal?

i wanna... i wanna be happy. i wanna be content. i wanna be okay. i wanna be living. i wanna be alive.

i hope one day i will get better. and i will wake up a house of my own with a family of my own and happiness of my own. while money and fame would be nice, thats not what i truely want extremly. so, thats my goal. to keep living so one day i can have a wedding, one day i can have children, one day i can have a cat. thats all.

12 - are you a romantic?

well, heres the thing- ive never... been in a position in which i need to be romantic. essientally, ive never dated anyone. ever. so? i dont have any basis? im sure you can be romantic Not in a relationship but yknow.

13 - thoughts on dark academia?

not in it but it sounds cool :O endless its controversial then. it doesnt sound cool. i literally have not heard about it till today so if theres any discource about it i dont know.

14 - thoughts on ______

kpop, obviously suggested

well as we all know, im a classic rock stan and as we all know, classic rock and kpop stans are pitted against each other? for? some reason? unlike some other classic rock stans (no shade, if you hate kpop your valid you do you), i dont really hate kpop nor do i like it. ive never listened to any kpop bands (at least, upon my own will) so i dont wanna judge. i do hate the rivalry between kpop and classic rock but i aint gonna get into that

15 - further education, yes or no?

im probably gonna go to college, endless i “write a book now and get it published and be rich” which is my mom suggests i do but idk.

16 - your favourite conspiracy theory?

uhhh the first one that comes to mind is paul is dead. i dont believe in it, of course, but i just find all the “facts” incredibly interesting. anyone knows i could and i will info dump about it on anyone.

17 - an unpopular opinion?

mushrooms are the shit anti-mushroomers dni i dont need this kind of negativity in my life

18 - Polaroids or digital photos?

polaroids cause thats #aesthetic

19 - board games or phone games?

board games!!! i love board games a lot, i wish my family did a family game night but oh well

20 - which season do you think you represent, but which would you like to be?

i feel llike i would repersent fall. a strange middle season, rarely consitent weather, not as loved as summer but not as hated as winter. just kind of exists. some people find it utterly pretty and other people despise it relentlessly. everything is dying yet, everything is beauitful.

id like to be spring, spring is practically fall just better. instead of dying, things are growing, its all non-arguably beauitful, sitting outside on a cool spring day is such a site. its got some funky weather but its the tunnel towards the light- summer, the most beloved season. unlike fall, which is the gateway away from summer and slowly leads into the harsh, cruel days of winter.

21 - your ideal aesthetic?

punk as fuck

22 - do you drink?

nah, thats illegal.

23 - something you’d like to say to your crush?

please hold my hand.

24 - something embarrassing that’s happened last recently?

one day i woke up and just went about my day, that was pretty embarrassing

25 - quiet nights in or nights out?

quiet nights :)

26 - your preferred art?

written if you count that.

27 - if you could get one tattoo what would it be?

uhhh probably a lyric from a song. take a giant step by the monkees, maybe?

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thestuckylibrary · 7 years ago

Text

Group Ask 51

What is a group ask?

Previous Group Asks

AO3 Search Tutorial

Please send us an ask stating which group ask and which person you are replying to. Thank you so much in advance!

Anon 1 said:

Hi! So I recently read a fic on here and like I looked through all of the tags it could’ve possibly been in and I CANT SEEM TO FIND IT! and I sadly don’t remember a lot but I do remember the beginning: Bucky meets Steve on the playground after Steve was getting bullied and Bucky sling shotted the bullies to protect Steve. Thank you if you can find it (:

Anon 2 said:

I’ve been trying to find this fic in the tags but I’m not having much luck. Basically Hydra loans the Winter Soldier to the Avengers to help fight the Chitauriand I’m fairly sure the Bucky reveal happened. It was published a while back (like years ago) and I’m pretty sure it was complete. I just can’t find it again. Any thoughts?

Anon 3 said:

Hi! Sorry to bother! But I've looked through your dark!fic tag and a few others and couldn't find the fic I was looking for? Steve and Bucky are captured by Hydra, maybe one of Bucky's old handlers everyone thought was dead, they try to turn Bucky back into WS, after putting him in the chair they tell him to shoot Steve, but he doesn't. Steve wants to tell Bucky he loves him, Bucky refuses to let him since they think they're going to die there. Natasha and Avengers come rescue them. Happy ending

monalisamontauk and Anon sent in Captured by arxiver (complete | 17,768 | M)

Anon 4 said:

hihihiiiiiiiiii, im looking for a fic where steve and bucky live in the tower w/ the other avengers, nobody realizes they are in a relationship until they battle against enemy, wherein steve (or bucky??) gets hurt, then in the hospital bucky goes to him & i think rests his forehead against steves? and everyone- bruce realizes first- that they are in a relationship? its a short and sweet story. thank u!!

ladyrevealedofcloak sent in For Operational Reasons by Odsbodkins (oneshot | 4,248 | M)

captainrogers-barnes said:

Hi!! Absolutely love this page! I’ve searched everywhere but I can’t seem to find a fic where Bucky is Steve’s “servant” kinda thing? He has to wear a suite and cook him specific food and Steve’s real grumpy but eventually comes around? Natasha helps him out aswell - thank you!!!

mmouse15, breakfastwithdick, and sebashtiansatan sent in Venus in Vibranium by betts (complete | 58,984 | E) - /others, sex work)

sylcbi said:

Hello awesome people (what would I do without you???) I went through the WW2 section but maybe I’m not looking at the right place :/ Do you know any fic where Bucky returns to Steve (no serum so AU I guess) after the war? Bucky is an amputee and trying to readjust to life. I saved a fan art a couple of years ago where Steve helps Bucky to tie his shoes and it’s still the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. Than yooooouuuuuu <3 <3

agnosticofgod and isleflight sent in Demobilization by 743ish, sallysparrow017 (complete | 41,390 | E)

Anon 5 said:

hey, sorry for the ask but I can't find this fic in the daddy kink tag! do you guys know of this fic where pre-war steve breaks a lamp on purpose before bucky gets home to get bucky to rp daddy with him and 'punish' him? it was this smutty one-shot that i've lost track of, thanks!!

stucky-marvel sent in Please, Daddy by OhCaptainMyCaptain (oneshot | 10,847 | E)

Anon 6 said:

hey! im realy sorry cause I think that somone already asked this, but theres this one fic where bucky and Steve are reunited (i think it's in the tower and Bucky comes out of the elevator) and Steve kisses bucky and Bucky has to get really upset at him because he thinks it isn't legal but they make up. love you guys thank you so much

liv said:

hi! I’m looking for a fic where Bucky is super affectionate but Steve is kinda a dick about it?? I’m pretty sure they get into an arguement and Bucky tells Steve that he never wants to touch him nicely? thank you so much!!

evan0uir sent in Bucky Barnes Fucks His Boss, And Other Challenges Of Command by AggressiveWhenStartled (complete | 15,246 | T)

Anon 7 said:

Looking for a fic and hoped you could help? I've tried every variation and just can't find it. Bucky fell from the train, and he was supposed to die and Valkyrie (or someone) appeared to take him to Valhalla, but he stood up and refused to die, so she took him to Asgard where he supposedly became an Asgardian for a while? I don't think I ever read more than a few chapters and now I really need more! Thank you x

#group asks

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rogmeaddows · 6 years ago

Text

Part 2: Do you call my name?

Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor x Reader // Roger Taylor x Reader

Concept: This is loosely based off of Letter to Hermione by David Bowie. You moved to London for a student exchange program in college. Met Roger there and ended up dating for 4 years only to break up once you moved back to the states for a publishing deal on your book. Now, 5 years later, you are married, work as a studio drummer (roger gave you a few lessons and you were actually quite good at it, started taking professional lessons and so it went), also are an author with one successful book, own a house in a boring neighborhood with your husband, and overall have a very steady life, and yet you are still deeply in love with Roger. When Queen comes to America for their tour, you and him meet again unexpectedly. It causes havoc in both your hearts and lives.

how I see the characters

Part 1

Warnings: (Angst, almost infidelity, drinking, alcohol, puke, long-term pining, cuss words, crying)

Word Count: 2,300+

After dinner you and Nathan went back to the house, waiting for Rachel and Joe to come pick both of you up to go to the party. As you search through the back of your closet trying to find clothes that would fit the outrageousness of a Queen party. You stumbled upon a box labeled “don’t hang up” opening it you find some of your mini skirts and a few dresses a lower cut than you ever thought you wore. At the bottom of the box however was a very dark red velvet dress that has long arms that sprout out at the ends of the arms. You squeeze into it just barley, surprised that it still fits and turn around to see yourself in the mirror. The dress has a very low cut and is even shorter in length, leaving nearly nothing to the imagination. Your breath catches as you remember the last time you wore this dress, it was to one of Queen’s press release parties.

You were sitting in Roger’s lap making jokes about the state of the party and the people, and how the angry looks from the groupies was so familiar it was almost comforting. Snapping out of the memory you go to your bathroom sink and pull your messy (y/h/c) hair down from its tightly woven bun and throw on a little bit of eyeliner, just as you find yourself presentable your husband comes upstairs to tell you that Rachel and Joe are here, however he never gets to that part once he sees what you are wearing

“Hey (y/n), Rachel and- What are you wearing?” he asks in discomfort

“A dress?”

“Don’t think thats long enough to be considered a dress.”

“Well I thought, of all people, you would like it.”

“Well I don’t. I’m not about to go to party with my wife dressed like a-” just before he could say that last dreadful word, Rachel came upstairs asking if everyone was ready.

“Yes we are.”you say as your husband shoots you a death glare but left the argument where it lie.

Everyone then piled into Nathan’s car as he had already offered to be designated driver, as you all sat in the car Rachel just kept talking about how she had never been to a Rockstar's party and how you should’ve have told her that you knew Queen.

Once you got to the party, everyone in your little group stood out as they walked through door. Being surrounded by crazed fans, wild people, and wanna be rockstars, the only person out of the four of you who didn’t stand out was you.

“Do you guys wanna go get a drink?” Rachel asked everyone excitedly. But you payed no attention to her with the thought of getting to your long lost friends of Queen you quickly started searching the crowd, as you walked all three of them followed you like puppies to their new owner. Turning around and saying

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom, you all should go get drinks and meet me back here. That okay?” you didn’t wait for conformation just quickly broke away from them hearing your husband grumble something angrily behind you. Just as you were trying to escape their gaze by turning down the nearest hallway you bumped harshly into a unknown very tall figuring, getting a face full of curly hair. It only took you a split second to figure out who it was

“Oh shit, I’m sor- Brian! Oh my god! It’s been so long.” his face lights up when he realizes its you, but then is followed by confusion

“(y/n), we’ve all missed you so much! But um- what brings you here? its been years since any of us have seen you.”

“I was at dinner with a few friends and when I went to the bathroom I ran into Roger, my friend Rachel came looking for me and after her having a little fangirl moment over Roger he invited us. Guess he couldn’t resist a chance to charm another girl” I say this laughing but in truth I was a little afraid those were his motivations.

“Well he didn’t tell any of us he invited you, Freddie will be ecstatic to see you! Here come on, we’re all hanging out over this way.” He put a hand on your back trying to guide you through the maze of people and just as you entered a room with a crowded with couches, chairs, and a table filled with an assortment of alcohol you saw John sitting next to Freddie on the coach; both of them giggling. The sight brought warmth to your heart, you truly did miss them over the years. Then you turn a see Roger with some floozy under his arm, whispering in his ear.For a second you were afraid none of them would acknowledge you, like they had all completely moved on and forgotten you. Then Freddie saw you and exclaimed

“(Y/N)! Darling, jesus it’s been forever.” he then ran over to you and gave you a hug saying

“Oh dear I love the dress, I remember when I helped you pick that out, still look just as gorgeous.”

“Aw Freddie thank you! And you look just a gorgeous as the last time I saw you, except for one thing. What did you do to your hair?” noticing his now short hair and frumpy mustache.

“Sharks have to keep moving my dear. Now are you going to stand there or are you going to party?” he then hands you a glass of champagne and leads you over to John and Roger. John stands up to hug you

“Oh wow, I’ve missed you. Band hasn’t been the same since you came back to the states.”

“Well my life hasn’t been the same since I lost touch with you guys.”

You sit down in a chair next to John and Freddie, completely unaware that Roger had stopped paying attention to the poor girl trying to kiss her way back into his head. Instead he just stares at you, at the restaurant you had looked so different, a dress blouse and a long black skirt and hair in bun. It was like seeing a stranger when compared to the girl he fell in love, but seeing your hair fall in your face when you lean down, your smile so wide, your dress ride up when you move legs a certain way. It was like he was being thrown back in time and then you looked at him and your (y/e/c) eyes brought something out of him he hadn’t felt in front of a woman in years. Vulnerability.

He stood up and walked over to you, completely abandoning the girl hanging off of him. He sat down in the chair next to you and said

“Well I honestly didn’t think you would except my invitation, figured you grew out of this what with your new…” he paused and looked down at the ring on your finger

“…lifestyle and all.” You looked at him, trying to see if he was poking fun or not.

“Well I guess you would be confused about the confines of monogamy, but turns out only being with one person does not keep me from leaving the house.” he laughs and seeing his face light up makes your heart swell in your chest. However thats when his arm candy comes over and gets one top of him, almost uncomfortably straddling him and immediately shoves her lips against him. The encounter is unnatural and almost makes you sick to your stomach. A reminder of the barrier that is now and always will be between you and Roger.

Not desiring to sit next to the wet sounds coming from the two in the chair you get up and walk over to Freddie who was now pouring vodka into a glass, at first you thought he was just making himself a drink but when you walk up to him he shoves the glass your way.

“Don’t act like you don’t need it love.”

“Oh Freddie, you know me so well.”

“I just know two yearning hearts when I see them.” you put the glass to my lips and throw my head back downing the clear liquid.

“I’m not yearning for anything, other than a good buzz.”

“Oh for sure darling” you turn to the table filled with various glass bottles, picking up the same vodka he had just poured you and filled the glass about two shots full. Downing that glass and grimacing at the horribly bitter taste you slam the glass down. Meanwhile Freddie is just laughing at you

“Come on lets go join the party.” You and him walk over to the three other Queen members as well as a group of people surrounding the band. As the night goes on you forget about the three people who you came here with, after more drinks and dancing to every song you can feel the effects that the alcohol is having on your stomach. Stumbling out of the room, trying to keep the walls from spinning while in search of a bathroom, you don’t notice the blonde drummer following behind you. You search hurriedly for the bathroom only to feel a hand grab your wrist, turning around to find none other than Roger Taylor holding onto you. That’s when a sense of relief flushes your body as he leans down and says

“Here follow me, theres a bathroom this way.” you just nod and hold onto his arm, pulling you towards a pair of stairs only a few feet to your left. Finding this new task to be the most difficult task you’ve ever been faced with you say

“Rogerrrr, I’m sorry I- I don’t think I can make it up.”

“Come on I know you can, do you really wanna throw up all over this floor.”

“I don’ know if I have a choice.” you feel the puke coming up your mouth and cover your mouth with your hand. Roger, seeing the urgency of this situation, scoops you up and starts carrying you up the stairs, then he pushes open the nearest door and right as you see the toilet you can no longer hold in and puke goes hurling all over Roger’s shirt.

He flinches immediately, but walks over to the bathtub and sets you down gently.

“Oh Roger- shit. I’m so sorry, fuck. I’ll clean your shirt.” you tried to stand but then stumbled and fell back into the bathtub. He walks over to you squats down

“I can clean my own shirt, okay? Don’t feel bad about this, I’ve thrown up on your clothes a hundred times.” he chuckles at the memory of ruining yoour favorite dress after a particularly hard show.

You wanted to say okay and for him to stand up and put his shirt under hot water and help you find Nathan so he can take you home. But instead you look at him, his face so close to yours, his eyes bright blue, his hair messy hanging in his eyes, the stench of alcohol coming from his breath. You look him in the eyes and say

“I forgot how much I liked looking at you.” his eyes flash with wistfulness and he small smile spreads across his face

“I forgot how much I like looking at you too.” you run your hands through his hair and move down to his cheek. His hands meets yours and he turns his head slightly, placing a kiss on your palm. You then pull your hand away and lean your head against the wall of the bathtub.

“How did we get here Roger?” its a loaded question, one that brings up countless memories

“I believe it was your inability to ever know when to stop drinking.” You laugh quietly and he stands up, pulling the shirt over his head and putting it under the faucet. You stare at his bare chest and remember a time when it was the most familiar feeling your hands knew. Now you can barley remember the ghost of it, willing your finger tips to replenish this memory. You stand up shakily, stepping over the tub and walking over to him. You wrap your hands around his hips as he scrubs the puke shirt. You both look at the each other through the mirror and tears spring to your eyes. He turns around to face you and you collapse into him, he wraps his arms around you and whispers.

“I feel it too.”

You look up at him, tears falling down your face and you see that he is close to crying. You can feel your throat close up and your chest tightens, both of you carrying the weight of lost time and love. Just as you lay your head back on his chest and a sob dares escape your throat the door burst open and a very surprised Nathan pushes his way in. You watch as his brain asses the situation and his eyes fill with anger. But he didn’t yell, he barley reacted. All he said was

“Find a way home.” and then slammed the door behind him. You try to chase after him, pushing the bathroom door open and watching him walk down the stairs. You run after him, barley making it down the stairs.

“Nathan, wait!” but he doesn’t turn around, he just keeps pushing his way through the crowd. You collapse in the crowd feeling sobs rake your body and a hand place itself on your back. You turn around to find Mary whom you hadn’t even thought would be at this party, she pulls you up off the floor

“Come on, I have a hotel room near here.”

Taking a cab to the hotel and trying your hardest to keep quiet n the backseat of the Taxi, Mary softly rubbing your back. You both ride silently in the elevator up to her floor and as you crash on the bed you say the first words you have said to her in years.

“Thank you.” those were the last words you said right before you passed out on top of the covers on her hotel room bed.

#roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #ben hardy! roger taylor #ben hardy!roger x reader #rog #queen #queen band #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon

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scummy-writes · 7 years ago

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Hi! I didn't know who to talk to about this, but since you're one of the people in the fandom I look up to, I figured I should gather my courage and send this ask. As a writer, how do you deal with people's underwhelming response? Very few likes, just one or two reblogs, no respect or acknowledgement unless you open requests... It's breaking my heart at this point and I don't know what to do.

a…aaaa.. I can’t believe someone looks up to me.

I’m sorry if this post is kind of all over the place. I kinda jump around with topics a lot.

Well, first off, I’m not going to lie- usually, I feel a bit hurt. It always hurts writing fics/drabbles/hcs and never seeing any response, or just very very little response. I often don’t write fluff or more serious topics because I know that those themes are always going to be overlooked for my smut instead. And if you’re a minor, writing smut is a no-go, which makes trying to gain traction or readers even more difficult.

There have been several times where I’ve barely gotten any notes on stuff I’ve poured a lot of time into. I’ve even written an off-anon request before only to have the person who requested it not even like/reblog it, or make any sort of comment. I’ve been there, we’ve all been there, and it’s tough to climb back up.

I’m not sure how long you’ve been following me, but there was a point where my normal note count for hcs dropped from 700 notes down to 20-60 notes if I was lucky, just depending on what I was writing about. In fact, I even left the blog due to some bullying I was enduring and the combination of barely getting a note count that I had considered ‘good’. Since I’ve came back, I’ve focused on what made me happy, and even though I still have the knee-jerk reaction, I’ve learned not to try and compare notes. Ultimately, it’s made me happy, though I might have a bit of ‘survivor bias’ going on since I’ve been collecting readers since the start of 2017.

I have a few things that help me out, and one of them is learning to appreciate the notes I do have.

For example, even though its just been a day, I only have about 29 notes on my recent yooran drabble. Thats not including my own reblogs, and then if I were to not include friend reblogs, it’d be about 27 or 26. That’s incredibly low for me, personally, because if I post up a fic (depending on the character and theme) I can get around 80-100 notes depending on how lucky I am.

(Now thats not me trying to tell you 30ish notes isn’t a lot, because it is!! It is a lot and if you ever get that many notes on a post you should feel proud of it! But, if you’re me and you’ve been here for a while, that’s low compared to other posts of mine. Please keep reading so I can explain more: )

If this was back to last year, when I was contemplating leaving my blog, that would have hurt me a lot more than it does today, because I was constantly in a loop of comparing notes with my other posts or even my friends posts. I had convinced myself that notes = quality, when that’s not the case at all. Believe it or not, just because a post has 5 notes, or 1 note, or even 0 notes, doesn’t mean whatever content on it is terribly written, or shoddy, or dumb. There have been wonderful hc posts, wonderful pictures of art that I have seen that have barely gotten 10 notes.

So I think one thing that is hard to get yourself to learn is that a lack of notes doesn’t mean what you are producing is bad. Learning this is hard, and it’s especially hard when you’re constantly discouraged by lack of notes, but you need to write for yourself first and foremost. I haven’t been writing publicly for long, in fact I think the first fanfics I published were in 2016, but I had been writing since middle school. I used to carry a worn down composition notebook and write the most absolutely cringiest fanfiction ever. It had self inserts, it had ocs that were children of me and my favorites, it had terrible, terrible, references to games/music I loved as a kid- but no one read it but me. I never posted it online, and I wrote it to make me happy- and cringy middle school me was super fucking happy with that story. I’m pretty sure I was working through a second compositon notebook before I moved on from the show I was writing about.

From that point on, I knew I liked writing. I joined writing classes, wrote cringy fiction for my english teachers to read (good fucking god bless my teachers for putting up with my terrible shit but still encouraging me).

Eventually, since I liked writing so much and my drawing skills declined, I ended up promising to write stories for my friends birthdays. Where one person would be reading it, besides me, and that’s how it was until I posted my first MM fic on AO3. Even with those first few fics, I feel like it’s unfair to count them now, because they were posted just a few months after the game released, I believe, and I honestly just really consider myself lucky that those first two mm fics of mine got the traction they did.

But I think because I was so used to writing to make myself happy, it really fucked me up when I started trying on focusing my writing on only making others happy instead of myself.

So, a lot of newer folks might not know this, since I’m assuming a lot of people think this is just a pretty photo queue blog with occasional posts, but I started off writing Hcs on here. At first, I don’t think they got a huge traction, but as I slowly got more followers, I got more notes and requests. But eventually it got extremely taxing to keep those up, because what I had wanted was to make others happy with them, but it’s hard to believe you’re doing a good job when you drop from 700 to 20-60 notes. And so I stressed a lot to the point of ‘leaving’ (but as you can see that ended up just being a few month hiatus), but one thing was that I was forced to acknowledge how bad my viewpoint was on the whole situation. I had lost the motivation of writing for myself to make me happy, and instead tried to treat myself as a writing machine only meant to make others happy. That’s not a healthy viewpoint when it comes to writing, especially if you’re doing this as a hobby.

Because of all that, I stopped writing hc posts and focused on fics, because writing fanfics made me happy. It still makes me happy, and because I kept on truckin and still posting, I’m accomplishing things I never thought I would accomplish.

Writing for success is a long, hard, road that will often leave you unsatisfied, but writing for yourself is a shorter road that will make you happy- even if it’s just venting away emotions you couldn’t let out in any other way.

If it helps you out any, because I’m unsure if I’m making any sense, some pieces that I’m super happy about are pieces that no one but me and maybe one other person has seen. They’re locked away as drafts or in folders and I’m even unsure if I’ll share some of them.

Besides all of the stuff I’ve mentioned, if I’m feeling bad and what I just told you isn’t helping me, sometimes I just talk to a friend or two. Just hearing someone in real time, even if it’s possibly extremely bias or something, tell me that they like my stories or they think my writing is good- that still means a lot to me, and sometimes it perks me up. If that’s not an option with you, you can always talk to your family as well, or old teachers you may have shown some of your work to. I’m very fortunate to have a few teachers willing to help me out with a few questions, even though I’ve…long since graduated orz.

I’m sorry if none of this helps. But if anything, please please don’t give up writing. If you choose to do something like that, please have it be 100% your own decision that isn’t influenced by a note or hit count. I’m positive that whatever you are writing is good, and I know that not seeing that note count get higher hurts, but that note count has absolutely no bearing on how well written your story is.

If theres anything else I can talk to you about, please feel free to send me some more questions, and again I am really sorry if this didn’t help you.

#anonymous #scum talks #long post

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patriotsnet · 4 years ago

Text

Why Is There Republicans And Democrats

New Post has been published on https://www.patriotsnet.com/why-is-there-republicans-and-democrats/

Why Is There Republicans And Democrats

How Things Got This Bad

Why Democrats and Republicans have different priorities on COVID relief

6) The Republican turn against democracy begins with race

Support for authoritarian ideas in America is closely tied to the countrys long-running racial conflicts.

This chart, from a September 2020 paper by Vanderbilt professor Larry Bartels, shows a statistical analysis of a survey of Republican voters, analyzing the link between respondents score on a measure of ethnic antagonism and their support for four anti-democratic statements .

The graphic shows a clear finding: The higher a voter scores on the ethnic antagonism scale, the more likely they are tosupport anti-democratic ideas. This held true even when Bartels used regression analyses to compare racial attitudes to other predictors, like support for Trump. The strongest predictor by far of these antidemocratic attitudes is ethnic antagonism, he writes.

For students of American history, this shouldnt be a surprise.

The 1964 Civil Rights Act and 1965 Voting Rights Act cemented Democrats as the party of racial equality, causing racially resentful Democrats in the South and elsewhere to defect to the Republican Party. This sorting process, which took place over the next few decades, is .

7) Partisanship causes Republicans to justify anti-democratic behavior

This chart is a little hard to parse, but it illustrates a crucial finding from one of the best recent papers on anti-democratic sentiment in America: how decades of rising partisanship made an anti-democratic GOP possible.

Taking The Perspective Of Others Proved To Be Really Hard

The divide in the United States is wide, and one indication of that is how difficult our question proved for many thoughtful citizens. A 77-year-old Republican woman from Pennsylvania was typical of the voters who struggled with this question, telling us, This is really hard for me to even try to think like a devilcrat!, I am sorry but I in all honesty cannot answer this question. I cannot even wrap my mind around any reason they would be good for this country.

Similarly, a 53-year-old Republican from Virginia said, I honestly cannot even pretend to be a Democrat and try to come up with anything positive at all, but, I guess they would vote Democrat because they are illegal immigrants and they are promised many benefits to voting for that party. Also, just to follow what others are doing. And third would be just because they hate Trump so much. The picture she paints of the typical Democratic voter being an immigrant, who goes along with their party or simply hates Trump will seem like a strange caricature to most Democratic voters. But her answer seems to lack the animus of many.

Democrats struggled just as much as Republicans. A 33-year-old woman from California told said, i really am going to have a hard time doing this but then offered that Republicans are morally right as in values, going to protect us from terrorest and immigrants, going to create jobs.

Reality Check 3: The Democrats Legislative Fix Will Never Happenand Doesnt Even Touch The Real Threats

Its understandable why Democrats have ascribed a life-or-death quality to S. 1, the For the People bill that would impose a wide range of requirements on state voting procedures. The dozensor hundredsof provisions enacted by Republican state legislatures and governors represent a determination to ensure that the GOP thumb will be on the scale at every step of the voting process. The proposed law would roll that back on a national level by imposing a raft of requirements on statesno excuse absentee voting, more days and hours to votebut would also include public financing of campaigns, independent redistricting commissions and compulsory release of presidential candidates’ tax returns.

There are all sorts of Constitutional questions posed by these ideas. But theres a more fundamental issue here: The Constitutional clause on which the Democrats are relyingArticle I, Section 4, Clause 1gives Congress significant power over Congressional elections, but none over elections for state offices or the choosing of Presidential electors.

Vaccine Advocacy From Hannity And Mcconnell Gets The Media Off Republicans’ Backs But Won’t Shift Public Sentiment

Sean Hannity, Mitch McConnell and Tucker Carlson

Amid a rising media furor over the steady stream of vaccine disparagement from GOP politicians and Fox News talking heads, a number of prominent Republicans spoke up in favor of vaccines early this week.

On Tuesday, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters, “shots need to get in everybody’s arm as rapidly as possible” and asked that people “ignore all of these other voices that are giving demonstrably bad advice.” House Minority Whip Rep. Steve Scalise of Louisiana, got the vaccine after months of delay and then publicly said, “there shouldn’t be any hesitancy over whether or not it’s safe and effective.” And Fox News host Sean Hannity, in a widely shared video, declared, it “absolutely makes sense for many Americans to get vaccinated.” This was treated in the press as an unequivocal endorsement, even though the use of the word “many” was clearly meant to let the Fox News viewers feel like he’s talking about other people getting vaccinated.

Is this an exciting pivot among the GOP elites? Are they abandoning the sociopathic strategy of sabotaging President Joe Biden’s anti-pandemic plan by encouraging their own followers to get sick? Are the millions of Republicans who keep telling pollsters they will never get that Democrat shot going to change their minds now?

Ha ha ha, no.

Want more Amanda Marcotte on politics? Subscribe to her newsletter Standing Room Only.

Matthew Gertz July 20, 2021

Jefferson And Jeffersonian Principles

Jeffersonian democracy was not a one-man operation. It was a large political party with many local and state leaders and various factions, and they did not always agree with Jefferson or with each other.

Jefferson was accused of inconsistencies by his opponents. The “Old Republicans” said that he abandoned the Principles of 1798. He believed the national security concerns were so urgent that it was necessary to purchase Louisiana without waiting for a Constitutional amendment. He enlarged federal power through the intrusively-enforced . He idealized the “yeoman farmer” despite being himself a gentleman plantation owner. The disparities between Jefferson’s philosophy and practice have been noted by numerous historians. Staaloff proposed that it was due to his being a proto-; claimed that it was a manifestation of pure hypocrisy, or “pliability of principle”; and Bailyn asserts it simply represented a contradiction with Jefferson, that he was “simultaneously a radical utopian idealist and a hardheaded, adroit, at times cunning politician”. However, Jenkinson argued that Jefferson’s personal failings ought not to influence present day thinkers to disregard Jeffersonian ideals.

, a European nobleman who opposed democracy, argues that “Jeffersonian democracy” is a misnomer because Jefferson was not a democrat, but in fact believed in rule by an elite: “Jefferson actually was an Agrarian Romantic who dreamt of a republic governed by an elite of character and intellect”.

Reality Check #4: The Electoral College And The Senate Are Profoundly Undemocraticand Were Stuck With Them

Because the Constitution set up a state-by-state system for picking presidents, the massive Democratic majorities we now see in California and New York often mislead us about the partys national electoral prospects. In 2016, Hillary Clintons 3-million-vote plurality came entirely from California. In 2020, Bidens 7-million-vote edge came entirely from California and New York. These are largely what election experts call wasted votesDemocratic votes that dont, ultimately, help the Democrat to win. That imbalance explains why Trump won the Electoral College in 2016 and came within a handful of votes in three states from doing the same last November, despite his decisive popular-vote losses.

The response from aggrieved Democrats? Abolish the Electoral College! In practice, theyd need to get two-thirds of the House and Senate, and three-fourths of the state legislatures, to ditch the process that gives Republicans their only plausible chance these days to win the White House. Shortly after the 2016 election, Gallup found that Republican support for abolishing the electoral college had dropped to 19 percent. The National Popular Vote Interstate Compact, a state-by-state scheme to effectively abolish the Electoral College without changing the Constitution, hasnt seen support from a single red or purple state.

History Of The Democratic And Republican Parties

The Democratic Party traces its origins to the anti-federalist factions around the time of Americas independence from British rule. These factions were organized into the Democrat Republican party by Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and other influential opponents of the Federalists in 1792.

The Republican party is the younger of the two parties. Founded in 1854 by anti-slavery expansion activists and modernizers, the Republican Party rose to prominence with the election of Abraham Lincoln, the first Republican president. The party presided over the American Civil War and Reconstruction and was harried by internal factions and scandals towards the end of the 19th century.

Since the division of the Republican Party in the election of 1912, the Democratic party has consistently positioned itself to the left of the Republican Party in economic as well as social matters. The economically left-leaning activist philosophy of Franklin D. Roosevelt, which has strongly influenced American liberalism, has shaped much of the party’s economic agenda since 1932. Roosevelt’s New Deal coalition usually controlled the national government until 1964.

The Republican Party today supports a pro-business platform, with foundations in economic libertarianism, and fiscal and social conservatism.

Adams And The Revolution Of 1800

Shortly after Adams took office, he dispatched a group of envoys to seek peaceful relations with France, which had begun attacking American shipping after the ratification of the Jay Treaty. The failure of talks, and the French demand for bribes in what became known as the XYZ Affair, outraged the American public and led to the Quasi-War, an undeclared naval war between France and the United States. The Federalist-controlled Congress passed measures to expand the army and navy and also pushed through the Alien and Sedition Acts. The Alien and Sedition Acts restricted speech that was critical of the government, while also implementing stricter naturalization requirements. Numerous journalists and other individuals aligned with the Democratic-Republicans were prosecuted under the Sedition Act, sparking a backlash against the Federalists. Meanwhile, Jefferson and Madison drafted the Kentucky and Virginia Resolutions, which held that state legislatures could determine the constitutionality of federal laws.

Why Democrats and Republicans Are Claiming A Midterm Win

Voxs German Lopez is here to guide you through the Biden administrations burst of policymaking. Sign up to receive our newsletter each Friday.

They go further than merely believing the 2020 election was stolen, a nearly unanimous view among the bunch. Over 90 percent oppose making it easier for people to vote; roughly 70 percent would support a hypothetical third term for Trump .

The MAGA movement, Blum and Parker write, is a clear and present danger to American democracy.

2) Republicans are embracing violence

The ultimate expression of anti-democratic politics is resorting to violence. More than twice as many Republicans as Democrats nearly two in five Republicans said in a January poll that force could be justified against their opponents.

It would be easy to dismiss this kind of finding as meaningless were it not for the January 6 attack on Capitol Hill and the survey was conducted about three weeks after the attack. Republicans recently saw what political violence in the United States looked like, and a large fraction of the party faithful seemed comfortable with more of it.

These attitudes are linked to the party elites rhetoric: The more party leaders like Trump attack the democratic political system as rigged against them, the more Republicans will believe it and conclude that extreme measures are justifiable. A separate study found that Republicans who believe Democrats cheated in the election were far likelier to endorse post-election violence.

Early Life And Career

John Quincy Adams entered the world at the same time that his maternal great-grandfather, John Quincy, for many years a prominent member of the Massachusettslegislature, was leaving ithence his name. He grew up as a child of the American Revolution. He watched the Battle of Bunker Hill from Penns Hill and heard the cannons roar across the Back Bay in Boston. His patriot father, John Adams, at that time a delegate to the Continental Congress, and his patriot mother, Abigail Smith Adams, had a strong molding influence on his education after the war had deprived Braintree of its only schoolmaster. In 1778 and again in 1780 the boy accompanied his father to Europe. He studied at a private school in Paris in 177879 and at the University of Leiden, Netherlands, in 1780. Thus, at an early age he acquired an excellent knowledge of the French language and a smattering of Dutch. In 1780, also, he began to keep regularly the diary that forms so conspicuous a record of his doings and those of his contemporaries through the next 60 years of American history. Self-appreciative, like most of the Adams clan, he once declared that, if his diary had been even richer, it might have become “next to the Holy Scriptures, the most precious and valuable book ever written by human hands.”

Democratic View On Healthcare

Democrats have always been in favor of governmental involvement in the wellbeing of Americans, especially the most vulnerable among us. Healthcare reform has been a primary focus for the party since the middle of the Twentieth Century. Medicare, Medicaid, Childrens Health Insurance Program , and the ACA are all major reforms the Democrats fought for and got passed into law. During this election season, healthcare is arguably the hottest topic of debate, and Democrats are pushing for further expansion across the board. The key phrase to remember is quality, affordable health care for all Americans.

Obama And Trump Healthcare Policies Compared

There could not be a more radical divide between administrations than there is between these two. The Obama administration worked against almost insurmountable opposition from the GOP in order to pass the ACA. The Trump Administrations quest is to dismantle everything the Obama Administration has done. They even have court cases pending in order to do so.

When Was The Republican And Democratic Parties Formed

The Democratic Party was founded by Andrew Jackson Martin Van Buren on January 8, 1828, in Baltimore, Maryland, USA. He was the United States seventh president but the first democratic President.

The Democratic Partys shocking emergence can be linked to the countrys anti-federalist factions. It was during that time the United States of America gained independence from British colonial masters.

The anti-federalist factions, which democrats originated from, were also grouped into the Democrat-Republican party. This was done in 1792 by James Madison, Thomas Jefferson, and other federalists influential opponents.

On the other hand, the Republican Party is pretty much younger than the Democratic Party. It was formed in 1854 by anti-slavery modernizers and activists.

The republicans were against the expansion of slavery in Western territories. They fought hard to protect African Americans rights after the civil war.

The Republican Party is often known as GOP. The meaning is Grand Old Party. The first Republican President was Abraham Lincoln. From Lincolns emergence, Republican Party started gaining ground in America.

The Legal Fight Over Voting Rights During The Pandemic Is Getting Hotter

Or as former Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, a Republican, told NPR, there are no “fair” maps in the discussion about how to draw voting districts because what Democrats call “fair” maps are those, he believes, that favor them.

No, say voting rights groups and many Democrats the only “fair” way to conduct an election is to admit as many voters as possible. Georgia Democrat Stacey Abrams, who has charged authorities in her home state with suppressing turnout, named her public interest group Fair Fight Action.

Access vs. security

The pandemic has added another layer of complexity with the new emphasis it has put on voting by mail. President Trump says he opposes expanding voting by mail, and his allies, including White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany, call the process rife with opportunities for fraud.

Even so, Trump and McEnany both voted by mail this year in Florida, and Republican officials across the country have encouraged voting by mail.

Democrats, who have made election security and voting access a big part of their political brand for several years, argue that the pandemic might discourage people from going to old-fashioned polling sites.

Democrats Or Republicans: Who Has The Higher Income

In the end, many people assume Republicans are richer based on these figures. Although, this is only a look at the richest families and politicians in America though. In everyday American households, it seems that Democrats have a higher mean salary. Its true that many of the wealthiest families in the country are contributing to Republican campaigns. On the contrary, families registered as , statistically speaking.

These findings still have some loopholes in them, of course. For instance, the data was collected over the last 40 years or so. Moreover, it is only based on the most recently collected information. As you know, demographics are constantly changing. These figures may have been affected as well. There is also a margin of error with every type of data collection like this. So, what do you think? Who is richer? Democrats or Republicans?

Where Do Trump And Biden Stand On Key Issues

Reuters: Brian Snyder/AP: Julio Cortez

The key issues grappling the country can be broken down into five main categories: coronavirus, health care, foreign policy, immigration and criminal justice.

This year, a big focus of the election has been the coronavirus pandemic, which could be a deciding factor in how people vote, as the country’s contentious healthcare system struggles to cope.

The average healthcare costs for COVID-19 treatment is up to $US30,000 , an Americas Health Insurance Plans 2020 study has found.

Presidential Election Of 1808

This mayor joining the GOP says theres no Democratic Party anymore’

Speculation regarding Madison’s potential succession of Jefferson commenced early in Jefferson’s first term. Madison’s status in the party was damaged by his association with the embargo, which was unpopular throughout the country and especially in the Northeast. With the Federalists collapsing as a national party after 1800, the chief opposition to Madison’s candidacy came from other members of the Democratic-Republican Party. Madison became the target of attacks from Congressman , a leader of a faction of the party known as the . Randolph recruited James Monroe, who had felt betrayed by the administration’s rejection of the proposed with Britain, to challenge Madison for leadership of the party. Many Northerners, meanwhile, hoped that Vice President could unseat Madison as Jefferson’s successor. Despite this opposition, Madison won his party’s presidential nomination at the January 1808 . The Federalist Party mustered little strength outside New England, and Madison easily defeated Federalist candidate . At a height of only five feet, four inches , and never weighing more than 100 pounds , Madison became the most diminutive president.

What Is Thomas Jefferson Remembered For

Thomas Jefferson is remembered for being the primary writer of the Declaration of Independence and the third president of the United States. The fact that he owned over 600 enslaved people during his life while forcefully advocating for human freedom and equality made Jefferson one of Americas most problematic and paradoxical heroes.

Thomas Jefferson, , draftsman of the Declaration of Independence of the United States and the nations first secretary of state and second vice president and, as the third president , the statesman responsible for the Louisiana Purchase. An early advocate of total separation of church and state, he also was the founder and architect of the University of Virginia and the most eloquent American proponent of individual freedom as the core meaning of the American Revolution.

What Republican And Democrats Believe

Lets start with this example. There are one or more reasons why you chose that person to be your friend. It could be because of how he or she talks, sense of humor, intelligence, educational background, ideology, or other factors.

The bottom line is you made the individual your friend because of one or more factors you discovered in that person that pleases you. This explains why most people would prefer joining republicans than Democrats and vice versa.

Republicans and Democrats have diverse ideologies and beliefs. These beliefs or ideology is part of what draws people to join either political party.

Lets start with Republicans. What do Republicans believe in?

Republicans boast libertarian and centrist factions. But they primarily believe in social conservative policies. They abide by laws that help conserve their traditional values. These include opposition to abortion, marijuana use, and same-sex marriage.

So the Republican Partys platform is generally centered on American conservatism. It comprises establishment conservatives, Freedom Caucus, or Tea Party members, described as right-wing, populist, and far-right.

The Republican Partys position has changed over time. They now transcend beyond traditional values, which often includes Christian background. The Republicans evolved position now includes fiscal conservatism and foreign policy.

Heres a quick summary of what the Republican Party believes in:

Heres a quick look at what Democrats believe in:

Was The Donkey Originally A Jackass

Thomas Nast was an American cartoonist who joined the staff of Harpers Weekly in 1862. Nasts cartoons were very popular and his depiction of Santa Claus is still the most widely used version of the holiday icon we see today. During his career, Nast also drew many political cartoons that harshly criticized the policies of both parties.

Nast first used a donkey to represent the Democratic party as a whole in the 1870 cartoon A Live Jack-Ass Kicking a Lion in which Nast criticized the dominantly Democratic Southern newspaper industry as the Copperhead Press. While he did popularize the donkey, Nast wasnt the first person to use it in reference to the Democrats.

Over 40 years earlier during the presidential campaign of 1828, opponents of Democrat Andrew Jackson referred to him as a jackass. Jackson actually embraced the insult and used donkeys on several campaign posters. Nevertheless, cartoonist Anthony Imbert would use a Jackson-headed donkey to mock Jackson an 1833 political cartoon.

However, the donkey never really caught on after the end of Jacksons presidency, and Thomas Nast apparently had no knowledge that it ever was used to represent the Democrats.

Election Of 1796 And Vice Presidency

In the presidential campaign of 1796, Jefferson lost the electoral college vote to Federalist John Adams by 7168 and was thus elected vice president. As presiding officer of the Senate, he assumed a more passive role than his predecessor John Adams. He allowed the Senate to freely conduct debates and confined his participation to procedural issues, which he called an “honorable and easy” role. Jefferson had previously studied parliamentary law and procedure for 40 years, making him unusually well qualified to serve as presiding officer. In 1800, he published his assembled notes on Senate procedure as . Jefferson would cast only three in the Senate.

During the Adams presidency, the Federalists rebuilt the military, levied new taxes, and enacted the . Jefferson believed that these laws were intended to suppress Democratic-Republicans, rather than prosecute enemy aliens, and considered them unconstitutional. To rally opposition, he and James Madison anonymously wrote the , declaring that the federal government had no right to exercise powers not specifically delegated to it by the states. The resolutions followed the “” approach of Madison, in which states may shield their citizens from federal laws that they deem unconstitutional. Jefferson advocated , allowing states to invalidate federal laws altogether. Jefferson warned that, “unless arrested at the threshold”, the Alien and Sedition Acts would “necessarily drive these states into revolution and blood”.

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dear--charlie · 7 years ago

Text

Dear Charlie,

Hi Charlie

I used to write to you all the time when I was 14 and 15, but then I stopped. I probably got lazy and I also liked seeing what I wrote be published in the days that followed and maybe you got too popular but I no longer saw them, maybe they got lost. Anyway, Im 19 now and little has changed. Looking back is so strange because it feels like there is myself and this sweet little kid who was just so fucked up so early on and I just watch her existence and its so clear no one will be able to ever save her and she may not even have the strength to do so for herself because thus far she hasn’t really changed things that could possibly make a difference. I mean Im out of high school now and have a job so in that sense Im more functioning then the last 6 years but nothing has really changed, its still me and that girl. I have tried hard not to victimize myself in the past few months and think Im doing well but honestly I miss being sad, I miss not feeling anything, I miss feeling everything, I miss being crazy, I miss cutting myself so much. I can’t do any of these things anymore because there seems to be no time for that. Not actual “time” but I can’t afford to keep being depressed because now Im older and if I don’t have some good experience or something good, actually good happen to me then I might lose it completely. I miss being a victim and don’t know how Im supposed to not be one when my life has gone to way it has. I cannot help it. I miss being myself so much. I can’t cut because every things pretty healed up now and I can’t wear long sleeves all the time again but I do miss it so much, Ive cut my leg a few times but its not the same. I don’t care if people think cutting is insane it made me so calm like how being in a still ocean feels. I saw this movie that reminded me of my life, especially when I ws younger today, and then I was listening to some Elliot Smith a little bit ago and now Niravana, all 15 year old me things, or maybe forever me things I guess. Anyway, it reminds me of feeling all the pain. Its so rare I can feel everything the way I used too. Not that I always wanted to feel it, because I certainly tried hard not too and eventually started to exceed more and more. Anyway, I don’t see a therapist anymore because my last two were kind of shitty. I guess Iv done an ok job at distracting myself so far since the summer but its all still coverage and i feel myself cracking a bit. However now that Im not in school it doesn’t have to be a spiral maybe it will just hit all at once. I mean I guess thats how it always is but usually theres more of a build when I was in school. It was easy to tell I was about to lose it because It was a decent amount. I was just thinking how fucking crazy it was I was never in a hospital because I was so so so fucked up sometimes. SO suicidal and impulsive and it truly was just me and I would just stop the bleeding and go on with my day because it was all so normal.I guess a part of me now wishes I had gone to a mental hospital because 1. i needed it very badly but no one was there to say that and 2. back to the victim shit, god I would have eaten that shit up when people found out I was there. It also would have made explaining all this shit (when and if I ever do which is super rare bc who ever wants to here about this shit) a little easier in the sense that everyone takes you more seriously when you say hospital in a sentence. Im sorry this is so long, Im sure I strayed from my original thought. Also I’m really slowly lowering my antidepressant and I doubt that could be why Iv been feeling weird lately and by weird I mean feeling anything at all especially like the way I used too or closer to it at least but I wonder if being without the meds especially the mood stabilizer would make me manic again like right deep were i have been, I mead if the meds are all that make me function that sucks. Id like to feel again, kind of often even the painful stuff because it feels good to know I’m alive. because it feels like i have never been a lot of the time. I miss being me, whatever that was. No one liked that girl anywhow, so i have to be the somewhat funny, reserved, somewhat positive me now, even though thats not me full and will never be. Im not sure, truly honestly not sure if I will ever get over thing things that have happened to me but I guess people don’t and you just keep living, like you said, life doesn’t stop for anyone. I love you Charlie and I miss you.

#dear charlie

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mercenarypark · 8 years ago

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“ hotaliens said: WHEN U CAN talk about medic and his birds, red scout and blu scout mayhaps, ANDdddddddddddddddd what the mercs do on the weekend “ hey guys remember how i said i was gonna talk about hcs well let me finally get around to that hours late here we go

[Medic and Birds]

[these go for RED and BLU medic]

-Medic’s mother had a cockatoo, she absolutely ADORED him even when he was a baby, though ofc his mother made sure to monitor their interactions together; and even as an infant he always treated that bird with surprising gentleness, never pulling or prodding hard. that cockatoo never bit him harder than a warning nip, and she would somehow always know how to calm him down from a tantrum.

the bird died of illness right around the time the war started, and to this day he believes that somehow, those were connected.

-medic stole his flock of doves[technically homing pigeons] from a wedding in England, not realizing that the catering van he’d stolen had an entire flock of birds and a makeshift aviary inside. the method with which he retrained them is,,,,,,, unconventional and spoiler-y for some things i have written but not published

-he holds full conversations with birds, often- not just his own, but birds in the trees, on the street, in pet stores and houses.

-the flock is mostly his homing pigeons from his stolen wedding flock, and their children; with a couple of fancy pigeons stolen from pigeon shows[because lord knows the poor things need some help, esp the ones who’ve been bred to fit a certain standard at the cost of their health and ability to function], and a few feral street pigeons he’s adopted

-the flock mostly refers to him as “papa”, “Vati” or “Opa”

-he speaks to them in German, Yiddish, and English- they understand all three

-he cries every single time an egg hatches. every time. sadly he cant let EVERY egg that they lay, hatch, because he’d never be able to care for them all, but the flock understands this and lets him remove eggs as he pleases, and in return he gives them all as much love and attention as he can

-medic’s office is his makeshift aviary, though he very rarely keeps them cooped in there- for the majority of the day they have free roam of the base. they all know where home is

-heavy, pyro, and scout all are allowed to play w/ medic’s birds whenever they want, heavy and pyro both have a key to medic’s office so they can get into the aviary without having to ask [scout WOULD have one but she’s notorious for losing keys]

-----

[RED Scout BLU Scout]

-for clarities sake, again, there are a lot of things i[and gabby+em]’ve written but not published that i dont want 2 spoil, and the reason that theres two of every merc is one of them; but i will say that yes, there are two versions of scout who mostly have the same backstory shit, but things differ when theyre hired as mercs

-[also, both scouts use she/her and occasionally they/them]

-both scouts have a long standing hatred for the other, and absolutely target each other on the battlefield

-this is at least a LITTLE BIT because of self loathing, IE “im gonna beat the shit out of the person who looks exactly like me”, though neither of them realize that

-RED scout is the one who comes to terms with the fact that she’s trans first and that just amplifies how much she HAAATES the BLU scout

-but RED scout is also the first of the two to go through character growth and become a genuinely better person, as she slowly comes out to her family and friends, finds support in her teammates, accidentally adopts medic as her unofficial dad, unlearns a lot of internalized bullshit,

-which infuriates BLU scout because suddenly RED scout doesnt seem to really care about fighting her anymore

-and then BLU scout overhears one of RED mercs refer to RED scout w/ she/her pronouns and has a fucking crisis of confusion [but also validation]

-and after a lot of internal turmoil brought on by the UNBELIEVABLE Mental Fuckery that has got to come with realizing that the alternate version of yourself is openly trans while you’re still confused and closeted,

-BLU scout decides yea u know what. im trans and im not gonna hide it anymore, esp since apparently all the RED versions of my teammates are accepting so like, the BLUs should be too right???

-and they are

-BLU scout and BLU medic aren’t as close as RED scout + RED medic, for multiple reasons, but in both cases the scouts came out to the medics first [because, Hes Doctor]

-after BLU scout starts going through her own Character Development[tm] and mellows out, both scouts are pretty chilled on the battlefield towards each other, even joking with each other about their teammates, nowhere near as violent and vicious as they were before

-most of the time that they DO fight its more casual and more like rough-housing, with bullets and also spiked baseball bats

-sorry this mostly turned into Gender Stuff hdfjghh but i took that prompt to mean “both scout’s relationships 2 the other” and the answer to that is, well, “fight” ----

[weekend]

[some of these are specific to the RED versions of everyone, sorry, though most are more general]

-demo is usually working one of his other jobs- piano gigs at fancy establishments, art commissions[hes a pretty fantastic painter, he prefers more abstract pieces and he has a very distinct style with a strong sense of movement and fluidity], and some volunteer work at the ol’ kitten orphanage [he’d work at the regular human orphanage next door, but, well. he’s got bad experiences with those. and hes scared of messing up around children]

basically even when hes technically off duty, hes still always working- its the degroot way, whether he likes it or not

but when he can relax, he usually spends as much time as he can with his parrot, keeping her entertained and socialized and happy; he also spends a lot of time in engies workspace watching him build and repair stuff while they drink together, with pyro playing whatever game they’re hyperfocused on at the moment, and, in the old days, he would spend a lot of time sneaking out to be with BLU soldier... Those days are gone in the times of WAR, of course

-engie, of course, is usually still working as well. honestly he doesnt even notice the fact that its the weekend half the time unless someone tells him, he’ll just keep pouring over blueprints and fine tuning designs.

if you do pry him away from his work table long enough, though, he will crash on the nearest soft surface and sleep for 15 hours. rancho relaxo time motherfucker

-medic becomes a cryptid every goddamn weekend, unless you check one of four places: his bedroom, heavy’s bedroom, his office/aviary, and the morgue. you will not see him literally anywhere else. he is also only seen with at least 5-6 birds on his person at all times, as opposed to his usual 1 or 2.

he spends most of the time on the weekends being v overaffectionate with both his birds and heavy; and the rest of the time cutting open dead bodies in the morgue and injecting them with weird shit

-heavy spends a lot of time reading and writing on the weekends- editing older drafts of books he’s written, translating things to and from English to practice his skills with the language, and just, reading books he’s had recommended to him or old favorites. sometimes he reads out loud to medic while medic is busy with other things [IE he’s distracted by birds or corpses]

-spy? literally just this textpost by gabby.

http://thefrenchiestfrytisi.tumblr.com/post/161502800096/ok-before-i-go-to-sleep-though-this-image-from

you dont need any more info than that. this is perfect. spy spends like 5 hours in the bath every saturday and 6 every sunday and its always like this

-pyro is the other cryptid at the base, no one can ever find them unless pyro WANTS to be found so they can show off a drawing they did, or a card trick they learned, or just so they can hang out w/ someone for a while

-scout is either playing Video Games[tm] from the moment she wakes up until she passes out, or she is outside jogging for 3 hours straight and then she impulse steals a golf cart, there is no middle ground here -every single saturday, soldier doesnt realize its the weekend, gets completely ready for battle, runs outside, and only sees the other soldier. and they just both fight each other for the next couple hours until someone gets them both to come inside. the rest of the weekend she’s “taming” her raccoons and planning for the next fight

-i dont care about sniper

#hotaliens #IVE STILL GOTTA RESPOND TO BIRCHMERE'S BUT THAT WONT BE TOO HARD #ilu both #long post /#text heavy /#ive literally been writing on this on and off for hours hdkfhgh #frend #birds /#medical /#death /#medical abuse /?#ask to tag /#reblog if u want idc /#captain's log #tf2 posts

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lovelesswiki · 8 years ago

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Post-Moonless predictions— Soubi’s mental state (2/10)

previous part<--[here] --> next part

for the last week or so, i’ve been talking about a large theory i’ve been writing. since finishing it, i’ve decided to publish it in parts, since it’s actually about 10 different theories all on one subject. since it’s all written out, i’ll try to be publishing one part of this per day.

essentially, this is a set of theories about what i believe will have to happen in order to properly lead up to a climax--the one we’ve been building up to for years and years now. so, these are what i theorize will happen after the first moonless vs beloved battle, broken up into ten different parts. each theory is explained and theres images for each one.

table of contents (bolded is the post you’re looking at):

moonless and beloved will rematch (1)

soubi will fall into a deep depression and possibly become suicidal (2)

ritsuka will arrive at seven voices, SM’s activity will be revealed (3)

SM will reveal that there was a mole in their organization (4)

kio will be the one to take ritsuka to goura (5)

ritsuka will find things out about soubi and the aoyagi family (6)

SM’s true purpose will be revealed. ritsuka will have to make a decision about good vs evil (7)

seventh SM member will be revealed (8)

nagisa will find out what really happened to sanae (9)

ritsuka will be asked to join SM to fill the aoyagi seat (10)

Theory: after the moonless battle, soubi will fall back into a catatonic state, become deeply depressed, and become actively suicidal. this will be following constant abusive treatment from seimei and soubi essentially giving up on everything.

NOTE: this post will be discussing suicide and abuse in explicit terms. this is a warning for that. also, this post is one of the most important, since i mostly focus on ritsuka in the others, for reasons that ill be discussing in this post.

i strongly suspect that everything after the moonless battle will become worse for soubi, somehow.

before the moonless battle, we see soubi falling into what i can only describe as a near catatonic state. it’s seen at a couple times in the manga that when soubi gets extremely depressed or witnesses something horrible, he locks up completely. after the oath that seimei forces soubi to recite and seimei’s attitude that they lost, i can only imagine that this will get even worse.

catatonia, for those that dont know, is a mental state in which the sufferer goes into a state of immobility where they refuse to do everything or almost everything. it’s a sign of various psychotic disorders, including depression with psychotic features. usually, catatonia presents with things such as mutism, stupor, negatism (refusal to do things that they need to do such as eating), and agitation, and it does often present after a traumatic or shocking event. if any of this sounds familiar, you’d be right, because soubi presents this very clearly in the events following being taken from ritsuka.

(i know soubi is in no way normal, but he certainly doesnt act like this all the time)

in addition to this, soubi has apparently asked and forgotten nakahira’s name multiple times, enough that nakahira is angry about it and calls soubi out for being rude. he also ignores any offers for food and, as nakahira points out, has done nothing but sit in that state since he arrived at the house. he doesnt appear to even have slept.

(im going to go out on a limb here and say that soubi probably did actually forget his name and legitimately wasn’t intentionally being a shitty person.)

in the same chapter, we see that the only thing that rouses soubi is seimei, and every panel after that, soubi is shown to be in what looks to be immense pain. his expressions are very exaggerated and hurt and it literally looks like hes getting a nail driven through his hand again. im not going to show every panel of this, because im not kidding. it’s every panel that shows soubi from the beginning of chapter 105 to right up to where we are currently in the manga, save for the hallucination soubi has about his life back at home, but we’ll be getting to that soon.

the worst of this intense emotional pain, though, is when seimei forces soubi to recite an oath. soubi looks to be in the worst pain hes been in through the entire duration of the manga, and that’s including getting a nail through his hand and when seimei showed up at seven voices and forced soubi to let him escape. truth be told, i think this scene is where soubi crosses the line from being extremely depressed and hopeless to something actually worse. in short, i think this is the moment soubi realizes that there is nothing else besides this, and there’s no way out.

so, before we delve too deep into that, let’s talk about something related. let’s talk about seimei and what’s going to happen directly after the moonless battle in relation to seimei’s state of mind.

i heavily suspect that we’re going to see some of seimei’s violence towards soubi, as well as nisei. we have flashbacks and a current timeline with seimei and soubi where seimei acts very cruelly and abusive towards soubi, but we’ve never seen him actually get physical with him (with the exception of his naming). despite this, it’s been stated multiple times by multiple characters that soubi was beaten by him and we see him at one point during a flashback with kio where soubi’s hand is badly injured and it doesn’t seem to be from a battle. seimei won the battle against moonless, but is clearly displeased with how they won and how close it was, as well as with the fact that nisei was defeated, and in the time between taking him back and now, seimei seems particularly displeased with the way soubi acts and speaks. i believe this is going to come to some sort of a pinnacle where seimei’s physical treatment of soubi (and nisei) is going to be shown in order to trigger readers and fans into a concrete and undeniable belief that seimei is a piece of shit.

(not that he isn’t already, but physical violence tends to be a very ‘in-your-face’ type of thing that cannot be ignored or looked over or even easily forgotten. everyone remembers it and it tends to be huge in storytelling, especially with characters who are trying to be negatively portrayed. while it’s easy to overlook the scenes with rampant emotional and verbal abuse, it’s not easy to overlook scenes with rampant physical abuse. this is why we remember misaki’s treatment of ritsuka and ritsu’s treatment of soubi much more than we remember, say, nagisa’s treatment of the zeroes, despite the fact that she’s hit at least youji. this is also why readers much more easily dislike characters like ritsu and misaki over nagisa and seimei.)

(this scene isn’t remembered very often, even.)

(soubi’s injury is implied to be seimei’s doing, but it’s never confirmed or explicitly shown, although that type of injury is easily done with a knife. i wonder who’s proficient with knives...?)

so, right now we have a seimei that is displeased for a multitude of reasons. first, we have soubi, who’s depressed, unwilling to do much, and who has begun questioning seimei and talking back to him. he won the moonless battle, but only after beloved as a whole was half defeated. and then we have nisei. i feel bad for nisei, because i do not see this turning out well for him at all. nisei lost. nisei was defeated. nisei was weak. nisei couldnt do what he was ordered. nisei forced seimei to rely on soubi to win a battle because nisei couldnt do what he was ‘created’ to do. nisei is useless to seimei, and an embarrassment. there is no way at all that seimei is even remotely happy with nisei, and this is something that i think is going to play out horribly for him, and something that will greatly affect soubi, as well.

to see why, we need to understand soubi and nisei’s relationship. up until very recently, soubi hated nisei with every fiber of his being. he vowed over and over that he would kill him. at the moonless battle, soubi was given a wide and huge opportunity to carry this out and kill nisei, but instead chose to take pity on him. the look that soubi gave nisei in the moment before he put a sleep spell on him wasn’t one of hatred, but one that looked as if soubi pitied him, like he felt sorry for him after watching him be defeated and be beaten up right in front of seimei. soubi seemed understanding, almost, and i think in that moment he came to a greater understanding that being the beloved fighter isn’t an honor. it’s a curse.

i don’t think soubi is going to fair well if he witnesses nisei being punished for his failure during the battle. similarly, i dont think soubi is going to fair well if he is punished or pushes seimei to anger, either.

the entire series, up until seimei taking soubi back, has partially been about soubi building a sense of identity that involves being an actual person and not a thing. at this point, i doubt soubi would react well at all to being beaten or punished for winning a battle too closely, nor do i think he would react well to seeing nisei be punished for having to drop out of a 2 vs 1 battle, humiliating seimei as he did so. in fact, i think this would push soubi towards an edge that i think is going to become very clear in the coming chapters.

to put it simply, with soubi’s characterization and the events leading up to now, i strongly suspect that soubi will become suicidal to a degree. maybe it’s a large degree that pushes him towards an actual choice. maybe it’s to a lighter degree. given what yun has said about the climax and everything, i think it may be the former, and thats what im going to work off of here.

let me break this down a little bit: soubi’s life revolves around the possibility of death. throughout the series, it’s implied that fighters like soubi dont tend to live very long and that soubi is ‘old’ for a fighter. many characters also tell him, to his face, that soubi should have already killed himself and that he didnt deserve to live after seimei’s ‘death’ and that he’d be better off dead. soubi has one reason why he didn’t kill himself after seimei’s death and seemed to be passively suicidal then, too. but, above all, soubi wants out. you know the only way that soubi has been told that he can get out from seimei’s rule? the only way he could leave the life he currently leads? by dying.

(the ol’ ‘ha ha you’ll be dead and in the ground before i ever do that’ routine)

seimei tells soubi here that the only way he can leave or escape is if he dies. seimei makes that very clear, and this scene and the chapters that follow it are some of the most distressing chapters for soubi. something is very clearly wrong with him in these chapters. while soubi can be a hard character to understand, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that soubi is not acting like he usually does. he’s catatonic and depressed. hes refusing food and seems to be lost in his thoughts all the time. he looks like hes in immense pain at every second. he does not look or sound good at all. on top of this, other characters comment on it too.

let’s also talk about that last image a little, too. mikado calls soubi out for drifting away after soubi gets lost in what seems to be a hallucination. i say hallucination because during it, even soubi seems a bit surprised at the outcomes of certain things, though he doesn’t question it. if it were a fantasy or a daydream, he wouldn’t be shocked by, say, ritsuka being able to get permission to stay over at his apartment. and after being taken out of that moment, soubi does seem a little disorientated and not sure where he is, as seen in the way he reaches out for the rain and doesn’t appear to be able to respond.

soubi hallucinates during the battle about his home life and specifically, about the small family he’s built for himself involving ritsuka, natsuo, youji, and kio. in this hallucination, he takes care of the three kids and has ritsuka’s friends over and even comments that it’d be nice to live together. the threat of seimei or of being attacked by opposing teams doesn’t seem to exist in this small world of soubi’s, and he doesn’t seem particularly worried about anything. aside from a comment he makes about shutting ritsuka’s mother up, he seems fairly normal, even. and then he’s torn away from it and put back into the battle, at which point he makes this comment:

soubi’s thoughts in this moment definitely read as an admission of guilt and reluctance. hes very upset in this moment, after being torn away from a reality he’d created to try to deal with things, and he’s realizing that there’s no one around who will comfort him and tell him that it’s alright, and that things are only going to continue to get worse. from this monologue, soubi also seems to not want to fight moonless at all. he doesnt seem to want to participate in the battle, but he’s acknowledging that he doens’t have a choice. soubi doesnt want any part in this battle, and id even wager to say that hes on moonless’s side and wants seimei apprehended. however, he also seems to know that if he fights, that won’t happen. it was the same at seven voices--soubi very clearly did not want to let seimei escape and he did willingly chase him down with ritsuka, but was forced to let him get away with it and then locked down afterwards due to shock and guilt, even going as far as to try to convince ritsuka that he was a bad person afterwards.

soubi really, really seems to want to be ‘good’ and do what the ‘good’ people want him to do. he didnt argue with ritsu at seven voices when ritsu told him to apprehend seimei, and he went as far as to talk back at seimei when he thought seimei was patronizing ritsuka. he didnt want to break that window and allow seimei to get away, but he had to. soubi is a character who seems to very much want to be ‘good’, but is forced to keep doing ‘bad’ things. throughout the series, soubi seems to have learned morals to an extent and now recognizes the difference between right and wrong, and no longer seems to believe that everything seimei does is right.

it’s very clear that he wants out, from telling seimei that it’d be fine to be abandoned to being catatonic at the house to hesitating and hallucinating a fantasy about a better home life during the moonless battle to seeming upset that he’s the one doing these things. however, soubi has no way out. seimei will not kill him. for reasons unknown to me, seimei seems to particularly want soubi to suffer, and seimei is smart enough to know that death would end soubi’s suffering. soubi is strong enough to the point that moonless, who’s supposedly beloved’s match, can’t defeat him. no other team has even come close to defeating him. nisei isn’t going to kill him. soubi can’t run away--he doesn’t have the willpower to, and what would be the point, anyways? the last time he got out from seimei, after seimei’s ‘death’, seimei let him build up happiness and then came right back around and took it all away from him. seimei is never going to leave him alone, and as long as seimei is alive, he’s going to want soubi to suffer. and soubi still thinks of soubi as some sort of god, meaning that soubi doesn’t see seimei as being able to die or even be captured. not that soubi has the willpower to be any sort of cause of death to him, anyways.

this leaves one thing–if soubi wants out, hes going to have to die. seimei would not willingly give him up, since seimei seems to want to cause soubi as much pain as possible, and i dont see soubi as the type who would actually be able to successfully run away and break things off from seimei and even if he did, seimei would find out new ways to take everything away from him. for soubi, it’s completely hopeless, because no matter what he does, seimei is just going to take everything away from him over and over again, as he’s been shown to do.

on top of all this, forcing soubi to repeat an oath clearly caused him great distress during the battle, even if it helped him win. the oath itself is important, as well, since it gave voice to soubi’s thoughts and worst fears--that there’s only seimei. there is nothing else. nothing else matters. there will always be only seimei. while seimei may view this oath as a forced declaration of soubi’s ‘devotion’ towards him, soubi seems to see it as a terrible fate, like repeating this oath only solidified the fact that he will never, ever escape seimei.

as a result of being forced to do that and subsequently realizing that theres no way out, that this is going to be the rest of his miserable life, and that he’s just going to be in horrible emotional pain for the rest of his days when he’d had about a year of happiness with a family that he’d built for himself–it’s going to trigger something in soubi deeper than the near-catatonia that we saw before the moonless battle, and i think itll push soubi into a territory that can be labelled as actively suicidal.

suicide itself has been talked about vaguely in the series before, too. in the beginnings of loveless, teams told soubi directly that he should’ve killed himself and that he was better off dead. at one point, early in loveless, ritsuka asks soubi what would happen if seimei ordered soubi to hurt ritsuka. soubi responds by telling ritsuka that he’d kill himself first before he could do anything to ritsuka. any and all talk about suicide in the series seems to be directed at soubi and no one else, and this could easily be seen as foreshadowing.

im almost done with this one, but there’s also yun saying that the climax would involve soubi realizing that it does matter and him making a choice about what he wants. this could quite possibly be the realization that he could do something about this and the choice whether or not to push himself over an edge that he’s on. ill get to this in another post, but i strongly believe that unfortunately, soubi is a character who has been set up to die, and i think that making this choice would have a huge effect on every character and following event in the story.

at this point, soubi has despaired and abandoned everything. he doesnt care about himself or others. we’re undeniably at this point right now. and with the way soubi is and his mental state currently, the choice that he makes may very well be to kill himself. it would set off a huge chain of events in the series and would effect everyone. soubi is a character who has some sort of non-neutral relationship with almost every character in the series. very few don’t hold feelings one way or another towards him (mikado and seven being the biggest two). everyone else seems to either hate him with a passion or feel positively towards him. his death would effect every single one of these characters and the world, given that soubi is a main player in it and is said to be the best fighter.

going along with that, it would be a fitting climax and a resolution for the problem of seimei. seimei would be left without soubi in what would be perhaps the largest show of defiance possible. he might still have nisei, if he didn’t already discard him in some way or another after the initial moonless battle. seimei would essentially be left with nothing, and it would come down to the fact that all his power lays in the people he’s manipulated and abused his entire life.

there’s also the possibility of soubi attempting at some point after the rematch, perhaps when he’s back with ritsuka, or soubi making the decision at the climax that his life does matter and that he can get out of this somehow.

regardless, im fairly certain that the rest of soubi’s storyline right up until the moonless rematch and subsequent climax will be showing him falling deeper and deeper into despair and losing his grip on reality even more than he has currently. i also believe that it’ll show seimei in an even more negative light, given his attitude involving the first moonless battle.

the rest of this series will be about ritsuka’s doings to come, since i think soubi’s story from here until the rematch will be about his deteriorating mental state.

#loveless #agatsuma soubi #aoyagi ritsuka #aoyagi seimei #akame nisei #soubi agatsuma #ritsuka aoyagi #seimei aoyagi #nisei akame #theory #post moonless battle series #my content

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