#theres no way im not going to end up drawing it again
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punkkture · 3 days ago
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only his
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you were just being sweet, its not your fault he took it the wrong way. but you should be grateful that he was doing this for you . . he was just trying to keep you safe.
part one ⋆.˚ part two
simon riley x f!reader
word count: 3.2k
warnings: 18+ , kidnapper!simon , taboo material , degradation, age difference , size difference , implied ddlg dynamics , pet play , sadism , simon is mean asf
c.ai bot
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“you are home sweetie.”
you dont know why but that made it all ache even worse. made it ache worse than when he put the collar around your neck - than when he forced you to sit on his lap and drink whatever roofie he had mixed. the tears came out harder as you laid on the floor by his feet.
simon’s shoulders relaxed a little at this. his rough hand came up and started to brush up and down your back. feeling the ridges of your spine that were a little more prominent as the weeks had passed. his hands working in an attempt to comfort you instead of grabbing you.
“theres no need to cry. i’ve kept you for a reason. its not like i’m going to kill you.”
heart picking up, he could see the shift in your demeanor. how you were teetering between that docility and the true emotions you wanted to let out. he knew he won when he heard the shakiness in your voice. “what’s that supposed to mean?” your lips spoke. even if your words held threat, he knew he was on the right path with the way you pulled your tone.
his dense fingers continued to move up and down your spine, giving gentle and methodical touches as they went. his face held no expression. “it means you have the privilege of being mine. you should be grateful.”
your skin shivered and created goosebumps at his touch. not sure how to react to it. it was all so scary. you didnt know what to say back. how were you supposed to feel grateful in a moment like this? he took you from your life.
simon had to figure this out. he had to figure out how to get you to crack. to crave him and yearn for him. looking at him like he was a protector. because whether you saw it that way or not, he was. he is your protector.
he wanted nothing more than to have you give in. to stop struggling and start asking him to hold you. to start seeing him as a sanctuary, a safe place to come home to.
his hand finally stopped those gentle movements he used to draw you in. those fingers coming around to the side of your face. cupping the length of your jaw and turning your head to look at him. your heart and mind are completely tense and rigid, but your body shows no resistance to him. obedience could be led by a hair.
“say thank you.”
your eyes struggled to meet his. but when he gave a warning tap to your cheek, your pupils full of fear and exhaustion, looked up into his. he looked calm, at peace. “why should i tell you thank you?” you breathed out shakily and quiet.
those fingers adjusted the grip on your face, feeling the warm skin heat his cold fingers. his eyes narrowed, cold and callous. deep, dark, and genuinely never ending. not being able to see where his pupils started or stopped. to you, he always looked like a predator that was completely dilated. you were the little bunny for dinner.
“because i say so. youre mine now, remember that, puppy. be thankful im keeping you instead of selling you to the highest bidder. do you understand me?”
your lips twitched and a small gasp threatened to escape. but all that came out was a small shudder. your eyes were still stuck on his. he was being serious, you could tell. “y-you’d sell me?”
god he loved that voice. simon could’ve groaned at that little whimper in your voice. such a timid little pet.
his grip loosened a little bit as his hand moved to caress your cheek. his touch caring and kind, a complete contrast of his words. he sighed. “only when you piss me off enough to do so. im not in the market of pawning the things i claim, unless they're really ungrateful,” his eyes narrowed again, “are you ungrateful sweetheart?”
simon’s eyes watched your face. watched how you processed everything. how you took it all in. he knew you understood he was being genuine. he was serious enough to actually kidnap you, of course he would be insane enough to sell you. his hand continued to caress your soft skin. he was waiting for your answer.
that expression of his changing from cold and callous to a hint of annoyance. he was starting to get impatient - the answer wasn’t that complicated.
“i said, are you ungrateful?” he asked again.
the frustrated grip and raised voice snapped you back into reality. simon saw the way your eyes focused back onto what was in front of you. “no! no . . . im not ungrateful.” you quickly spoke back. you didn't want to be here, but you’d rather be here than some beaten down warehouse that was turned into a human auction house.
feeling his hand drop from your jaw, release that tight grip - his demeanor shifting of that into a carer again. a satisfied smirk appeared on his cracked lips. his fingers brushing back some of your hair.
“then you should say thank you, puppy. because you have a lot to be thankful for.” he spoke in a much calmer tone.
those eyes boring into you felt like they were starting to burn your skin. “thank you.” your voice is timid and quiet, speaking out of fear. the smirk on his lips grew into a bit of a smile at your response. “see? that wasn't so hard was it sweetie?” he teased a bit, his thumb moving to your bottom lip. rubbing against it and slightly pushing down to examine the pink skin.
   . ⋆ ✴︎ ݁ ˖ ˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ .  
days have passed.
simon hadn’t softened any. it's been two weeks of gruff and agitated energy surrounding you. but today for some reason he seemed to be in an even worse mood. his voice louder and more rigid. those occasional sweet touches he gave were nowhere to be found. he was on edge, it was written all over him, in everything he did. his eyes cold and narrowed at everything, his voice snapping at any word spoken to him. he was pissed, and for no good reason at that.
you seemed to try and figure it out. there were bags under his eyes. he looked exhausted. you both were. it almost was like a standoff between two enemies. constantly. you were on edge, still and taking in his every breath. analyzing the tone of it and the deeper meaning of all his words. hoping to not anger him.
simon hasn’t been able to sleep since you arrived - and the only thing his body seemed to want, was you. tense muscles and breaths that were slicing the air he stepped in front of.
you sat on the floor of his living room. watching him pace around like a caged animal. he was acting like a damn rabid dog. he kept you right on the brink of decent. thrown into a pair of his boxers and one of his old long sleeve military shirts. that black leather collar still rubbing against the soft skin of your neck. the long leash cording down and around your body like a snake.
thankfully, he had been a little more lenient with keeping the leash so closely attached to his hand, but that didn't mean he would take it off.
this was frustrating. you were frustrating him. those sweet innocent eyes that were looking up at him like he was a monster. that angered him. he was your savior. my god he was saving you from all those awful sins the world harvested. a groan crawled its way up and out of his throat, stopping his pacing movements.
“come here.” he stated. not like a request. just a command. like you were his dog.
the brain in your head was working on primal intuition. when you are put into a scary situation, your body will do whatever it needs to to survive. so your eyes fluttered up to his face and then back down to his neck. it was scary looking him in the eye, you don't look rabid dogs in the eye. you don't look simon riley in the eye.
feeling the leash clank against your skin as your legs twitched to help you stand. they were getting weaker. your body was starting to reject what was happening to it.
he raised his hand and pointed to the floor in front of him. “no. not like that. crawl to me. you don’t deserve to walk on those legs of yours.”
his voice rang into your ears like how baby bunnies would react to hearing thunder for the first time. paralyzed and frozen in fear with eyes that looked up into the clouds with a sense of caution and longing that the sky wouldn’t do that again - naive hope that the universe would apologize for its outburst of anger.
but just as your body was frozen, the flash of lightning came, accompanying the thunder.
simon’s hand came out, wrapped tightly around the leash and pulled you down to the ground. the yanking of the leather forced you to your hands and knees. your eyes looking up to him - that baby bunny praying to the sky - looking up into those deep and irritated eyes. he was above you, even when he was crouching down the height difference was still prominent. creating a never ending power dynamic that shivered your soul.
he was stressed, he was angry, he felt sleep deprived. he was always watching over you. always making sure you were still here, he needed to put this outlet to good use right now. so on edge that even the small things like how the coffee table looked was making him mad right now. he needed to let off steam. something - someone to give into.
his feet planted themselves onto the ground in front of you. his hand coming to the top of your head, grabbing a fist full of your hair as he lowered himself to your level. you gasped at the sudden contact. shaking and soft hands gripping onto his forearm. your scalp starting to burn from his angered grip. he crouched down, his breath against your neck.
“you make me so goddamn frustrated.”
little frantic breaths picking up and making you panic more. “i-i didn't do anything?” your brows furrowed into a pathetic and worried curve. his lips moved closer to your ear, his fingers tightening around your hair. “you're making me on edge, and it's driving me up a wall.” he spoke.
your eyelids blinked in confusion. then why am i here? why is he keeping me here? just let me go!
“then why am i still here?” you breathed out, quiet and docile.
those cracked lips of his moved from your ear to your neck. they gently nipped at the skin before he spoke again. “because i don't want to get rid of you. you may be a pain in the ass, but i need you.” his mouth started to tenderly press and nip at your neck. leaving sticky open mouth kisses.
your body stiffened. but he had been so rough and sharp the last couple days, you hated to admit the sweet and gentle touches almost felt welcomed. it was better than him hitting you and tying you to a pole in the basement. simon’s voice wasn't as icy as before his commands. your soft hair in his fingers and the warm feeling of your skin against his lips helped calm his aggravated mood. it was like the perfect dosage of oxycodone. calming and relaxing him just enough to barely blink his eyes all the way closed. just enough to get him to not be so pent up about tomorrow's worries.
you started to feel safer almost. in this moment in time, it could’ve been worse.
“why?” you spoke after a couple seconds of silence.
“why what?” simon asked in between sucking on your neck. one of his hands pulled your hair a little bit again, forcing your head up towards the ceiling. he needed more of this soft warmth. “why don't i want to get rid of you, or why do i need you?” his teeth gently nipping into the side of your neck and making a small mark. chuckling to himself when he had to pull the collar out of the way so he could really get to the spot he wanted.
“both.”
it wasn't often he talked to you like that. wasn't often he treated you as human. so you took the wins where you could. letting his warm lips and teeth move against your body. trying to keep your voice steady. it was like walking on a frozen lake where you weren’t sure how thick the ice was.
he continued suck and bite at your neck, making sure the area was nice and bruised - marked as his.
“because you make me feel something i haven't felt in a long time, puppy. and because you’re mine. and i don't like to share my things. especially the ones i worked so hard to get.”
a soft wince escaped your lips when his teeth bit a little harder. his lips pulled away, giving a gentle kiss to the spot. you could’ve sworn you felt his thumb caress the hair his hand was so tightly holding. it was sweet. it was affectionate. and he was having an actual conversation with you. not lashing out and teasing, mocking or degrading.
this was new. this was human. one of your hands going to his chest, resting there as if you were asking him to be more gentle. his body shivered at that strange acceptance from you.“why me?” you said softly, asking the question you had been wondering.
the unfamiliar and strange energy between you two was making simon happy. very happy. all those times he was angry and awful to you just made his soft touches so featherlight and desirable. it was making him relax. his teeth let go of the spot on your neck, his tongue gently soothing over it.
after he made sure the spot would leave a deep bruise, he pulled back a little. his eyes looking down at you on the floor, gazing up at him. it warmed his heart and made him smile a little. even he thought about your question for a second. he sighed, and then answered. “you just are. you were sitting in that little library just . . . existing . . and i felt something inside of me break. that was it. you were mine. you still are and forever will be. this is where you belong and i hope you come to accept that, my puppy.”
your eyes looked into his. your neck started to ache from how he was angling your head back. but there was a sense of hope in your eyes. hope that he was human, he was showing you he was human - for a moment if you could pretend the leash wasn't around your neck, this would almost feel normal.
you licked your dry lips, always so cracked now from breathing and panting through your mouth. the seasons cold weather nipping in through the windows . . . but its alright . . he never let you get too close to those anyway.
simon could sense the fear in your breath. the shudders past your pretty lips. those little flutters of caution your eyelashes would blink. this was working perfectly in his favor. if he was brutal six out of seven days, your body would learn to crave that seventh day. it would learn to want him and need him to survive.
in the same sense of how people needed religion. they need faith in something to keep going. one way or another, he was going to figure out how to be your faith.
his gaze softened. his hand letting go of your hair, coming to gently brush against your face, a thumb running over your cheek.
“i know i make you afraid, but thats okay. you wont be afraid forever.” his face came down to lean close to yours, his voice a low tone. “you’ll get used to it. you’ll get used to me.”
even a dog held in captivity for years would still yearn for a soft pet, a good treat the second the opportunity was given.
   . ⋆ ✴︎ ݁ ˖ ˚ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ .  
it was the next day and you both had gone through the motions of what a normal day was so far. he woke you up early, because he got up early and he needed you to constantly be at his side. he of course had you in a little dog cage when it was bedtime. or anytime he had to go out, which wasn’t often.
a metal dog cage with plush little pink blankets and frills, that attempted to make it more welcoming, adorning it. he always kept two locks on the metal links off the door - so you would never be able to get it undone yourself. but even if you did, he kept it all located in his basement. the only thing down there being your cage and a couple storage bins.
simon knew what he was doing. of course he did. he had been plotting this for months. since the second he saw you and that air was sucked out of his chest he’s been preparing.
in all honesty, you looked forward to bedtime. you were finally left alone to have some thoughts to yourself. and it’s not like it was pitch black down there. he didn’t leave the light on, but the outside lights from the backyard somewhat illuminated the basement.
you were asleep up on the plush mat, a warm fleece blanket wrapping around your cold frame. legs curled up since you couldn’t stretch your legs in the cage.
“good morning puppy,” he calls down the basement stairs. turning on the light and finally getting you out of the dark.
your eyes blinking awake in the harsh light. hearing his footsteps come down the stairs and a few keys rattling. he chuckled when he saw your head bump up against the top of the cage.
“did you sleep well, my dear?” he asked, those dark eyes looking over your form before he crouched down to unlock the padlocks on the cage.
you were tired, mornings were never your thing, especially not with how early he got up. your messy hair nodding along with your head as you gave him a simple answer. cold hands rubbing your tired eyes.
“we’ve got a big day today . . .” simon started while opening the metal door. your ears perked up at his words, sleepy eyes blinking awake and a soft grumble from your lips as he pulled on the leash, getting you out of the cage and into his lap.
“you’re gonna meet some of daddy’s friends today . . . and i trust you’ll be a very good puppy, right?”
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ᡣ𐭩 tag list: @vanillarosekiss @pearljwm @redroserabbit
teehee thank u guys ily
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paradoxbeta · 7 months ago
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videocult you better explain because what the fuck is this
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luck-of-the-drawings · 9 months ago
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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harvestmoth · 1 year ago
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more rejuv things but its. its just this guy again, im sorry shes all i can draw
#everyday im like i wanna draw :] and then i just end up with this thing on the page#i refuse to draw hands holding. because i cannot and im too lazy to figure it out#oh yea a couple of these i havent posted before because theyre lame to me but ill put them here for now#anyways!!#i was gonna say something about a couple of these but i forgot#oh well#pokemon rejuvenation#does she. lose her ribbon in blacksteeple. i forgot#she still has it to me..#to me her c15 hair tie is a torn part of the ribbon#anyways again. yesterday i finally figured out what the rejuvrp is. very cool stuff im so incredibly intrigued by it#i have no idea whats going on! but it looks so cool ill try to read it more later.#oh right again about the rejuvrp thing. the character designs ive seen are so so so cool i want to draw them so bad#i think i have to ask about that first though and there is! no way i am going to do that!!! i do not want to bother them#and i think my heart would explode from the fear of it all before i even typed the message.#that and im very lazy! theres a very good chance i wouldnt even draw it in the first place#anyways unrelated but i think if i get another comment from someone on something i Will Actually Explode.#i see someone said something and it kills me on the daily. what is happening... thank you.. i appreciate it very much...#sorry to whoever read all of that. um. hi youre really cool and i hope you have a good day/night#i think being on twitter has done something to me i have to leave it immediately. anyways back to twitter#wait actually i should go back to playing rejuv. im still in the grove from when i first posted the gym leader melia au. im afraid to leave#also play pokemon rejuvenation no i will not stop saying that everytime i post one of these
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crescentfool · 5 months ago
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🌠
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lemongogo · 5 months ago
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j need to get back into life drawing post haste
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#i think im losing . construction in my art#im forgetting how to draw bodies think. idk#literlaly so annoying . its like fun when u get the hang of things but then u neglect one aspect in pursuit of another#and then have to go back and touch up that old skill to try and balance jt and theres that brief period where#eveyrthing is harmonious and then it outpaces itself again and becomes ths juggling act#overall i enjoy it . the drawing sessions but smtimes finding the will 2 get out of bed is like pulling teeth#bc i know im never going 2 walk out of there feeling satisfied but . actually idc#a lot of my pals . my friends there r a couple of decades older than me and they have the best advice tbh#randy. and donna . randy and donna and third guy whose name i forget . -> if u r satisfied at the end of a session did u rly learn anything#always want 2 improve . right right#UARHGHQHHH ill do it ill go . im scared bc i feel like it tends to artblock me#bc i start getting in my head ab what i know/see vs what i can only draw#but im sooo addicted 2 wanting to get better . i want to draw like a million people i see on here who have that great construction and#weight and anatomy and dynamism . i want to be like u . ill work to be like u ill try#and i feel like ive negelcted my basics for soo long .. i need to get ths foam shapes and a lamp . NOWWWW#yotasuke#i miss yotasuke so much.damn. thats crazy . anyways#the way he points out that yatoras dedication/hard work is a talent . like ueah . i agree w him im envious of that r u kidding me#and ytora walkimg arnd like oh u have it so easy ytsk. he needs to shut the hell up smtimes#i meed to see them eviscerate each other blood and all.#spongebob icecream truck- not that yatoras hard work isnt Also a skill but ykwim . if youve read YKWIMM#bc he was always like woe is me im soo untalented and its like no bro u r you just manifest it differently . that natural drive is a talent#but that natural drive also takes skill to foster and nurture else it has no purpose .#no i cant be blp posting in the tags bye
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penisbilt · 8 months ago
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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crushingsterilisation · 3 days ago
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Naj lol wtf im killimg myself i suck so bad fuvk my stupid idiot gay retard sugoiijanai life im sorry ily i am so sick of myself but i hope youre not expecting me not to experience the full spectrum of humsn emotion when you deign me w your presence for a total of like 2.5 months a year youre my best friend and you left me to grow up alone regardlesss of the nuance of whose lack of/fault thats fucked and i think im allowed to be upset about it just how am i meant to channel that in a non spiteful jealous insecure immature grovelling cunty way so i dont just wake up one day and fucking explode i can only radically accept so much about my life youre meant to be my baseline constant i wish/hope im the same to you we should be having fun and challenging each other to be better and keeping each other in check and helping each other its not even a fraction of the same digitally not that weve even called more than a handful of times these past 4 months you didnt reply to a single message i sent for a week and leave to go on reels half way through a discussion i waited 3 hrs to resume i get anxious interacting with you these days because im scared im wasting your time im too fucking sensitive and high maintenance and annoying and boring and Overbearing but you look so thoroughly fucking unphased by Everything this is all just so shit
Now i will do my best to pretend you arent going to leave again pretend theres no terrifying unstable life events coming up that ive got to face alone again pretend im done coming home to nothing pretend its all ok pretend pretend pretend i am simply a guy making plans with his friend a highway stretch away
#im fucking SAD tonight#im feeling a distinct feeling tho w?#christmas fucked me it wsd nive but it maxe me upset for many readond i slept throug.h half of it tho lol#i just want a hug and consoling pat then to watch you draw until i feel ok again i wosh that wasnt too mucb to ask#i wish you were still away so i didnt have the hopes to be crusbed in the first place#its little things like this that typically wpuld be relatively nothingburger id go home and be bummed for a bit#but now theres a comforting presence nearby and oh boy does my silly little brain crave a healthy smattering of pity and caring attention#killing myself#killing myself so bad#theres a certain role we fill nd without a definition or slotting into it we are uncertajn shapes brushing through a sharp cornered world#im genuinely so sorry for how i am but this is fucked up and you brought this about in the most gut wrenching then a careless way#and it spiralled from there#shit piles up and were both retarded but im really trying and im sorry#idk if you even thought much of what i said this aftetnoon but i feel fucking sick#waaah i had a bad day i miss you i want to see u#no#oh cool ok guess its the end of the wirlf and you hate me#FUCK MY LIIIFE FUVK FUVK FUVK FUCK FU K FUK FUCK FUCK FUCK#positive sidenote i love a* what a queen and j* even though she stresses me out are you going to get a job so we can move or no#kissing their messages to me sloppy style#side note 2 genuinely dont know how i feel abt this one in reality but ***** ***** ** *** ** **** *** **** *** **** ** ****** *****#my god
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cckaisen · 9 months ago
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୨ৎ˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 𝓑𝓡𝓞𝓣𝓗𝓔𝓡 𝓕𝓤𝓒𝓚𝓔𝓡, sukuna ryomen !
boyfriend’s older brother!sukuna. while little bro yuji spits up his liquor in the bathroom, sukuna takes care of his girl, finally fucking her like she deserves.
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ಇ. summary. sukuna brother au, fem reader, infidelity, yuji throws up so emeto. warning, manipulation, pussy slapping, biting, some predator/prey elements, size kink, dumbification, squirting, reader is intoxicated but aware, rough kuna but he switches up:3, regret/moral conflict, angst towards the end cuz ‘m a certified yapper. wc, 4.6k.
ಇ. note. been a whore for sukuna lately but i fully blame gege for drawing him so majestic. if evil then why gorgeous, hm??? we’re onto u gege. we know u love a felon. confess already.
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the door to the itadori household bursts open and in floods a typhoon of drunken chaos and laughter.
drowning in giggles, yuji has his arm thrown over your aching shoulders, humming along to some kind of song. without you, he wouldn't be upright—a jumbling, intoxicated mess.
you're mostly sober, fighting to get him to the bathroom since he was heaving in the taxi.
"whyyy do ya build me upp~" he slurs, a bumbling flurried version of himself, smothering your cheek in wet kisses that have you wriggling away. "butterrrcuppp baby, jus' t'let me downnn...!"
"yuji!" you shriek, the weight of him growing more unbearable as you try to keep him up. his breath is drenched with the heavy scent of liquor. "baby, y'gotta focus or we're not gonna make it to the—"
"—and mess m'rounddd!"
"yuji—'nuff!" you groan loudly as he drapes himself over. at this rate, you might just collapse into a heap on the floor, overcome by his weight as well as the lesser, still relevant amount of alcohol you consumed at the club.
suddenly, the patter of footsteps have you perking up. sukuna—yuji's big brother—rounds the corner, gaunt features sharp with agitation. he must've woken up when the two of you came barreling in.
"sukuna—hi," you can't help the relief that bursts through your chest, evident in the way you exhale.
sukuna notes the way your knees tremble, his brother blabbering embarrassingly on top of you. he puts aside the urge to laugh, figuring he'd spare you just this once.
"here. i got 'im." without any trouble, sukuna drags his little brother under his arm, putting your strength to shame. with the weight lifted, you finally have chance to relax, rolling your arm and letting out a loud sigh of relief.
"thank you. ow—pain."
you stumble, and the broader of the two brothers chuckles, crimson gaze soaking up your body in that dress while you're distracted. "you carried him all the way home?"
"mhm. practically sprawled out on my lap in the taxi. the driver and i had to team up to get him outta there," you whine as you kick off your heels. those stupid things had you wincing terribly most of the night. yuji said they were sexy. as much as you love him, you’re more than sure you will not be wearing them again anytime soon.
"you should've called me." sukuna's features scrunch in disgust as yuji keeps singing in his hold.
"i-i-i neeeeed youu~"
"fuckin' a, did he drink the whole bar?"
"pretty much," you reply, shrugging off your coat and following behind the pair of brothers. yuji looks so funny, almost small despite his lean stature, looking deceivingly short compared to sukuna. "he made a bet with todo and lost."
the sober man grunts as he knocks open the bathroom door, holding up yuji in his other arm. his muscles flex underneath his shirt, stretching the dark cotton, where your eyes briefly linger.
you avert your attention to yuji instead, amusement melting into concern for your boyfriend.
not sharing the same sentiment, sukuna drops him down by the toilet, putting up the lid with a smack and purposely shoving yuji's head into the bowl a little harder than necessary. "theree ya go, dumbass," sukuna grunts, slapping his back as he finally pukes up. "just barely made it."
and you're sure glad he did, thanking the gods your dress had been spared amidst the drama. with the way he'd been acting, you were never sure that you would be safe from the bile climbing his throat, cringing fearfully at times.
you feel much better now that sukuna has taken over. he's older, well-versed in trivial matters like this. yuji's already told you all about his university days, the drunken nights, the fighting—
you curse your thoughts for sprawling so suddenly, shooing off your rodent-like curiosity.
their relationship struggled at times. especially so back then, but things are different now. and as much as sukuna pretends not to care for his little brother, he clearly does, at least a little. after all, the pink tresses of your boyfriends hair are ruffled in his thick hand before he lets go fully.
then sukuna walks on in a rugged stride, leaving yuji to it. on the way out, he knocks your shoulder with his. you can't tell if the action was playful, but you’re sure it wasn't hostile, at least. a little smile creeps onto your lips as your gaze follows him into the kitchen.
sukuna is weird.
he's weird because he's not like yuji in most ways; it's not necessarily a bad thing, but he's much, much harder to see through. with your boyfriend, most things are crystal clear. you can tell what he wants, what he needs, how he needs it. he'll tell you all about it—unselfishly, of course.
however, sukuna, you find, never reads so easily. and it's weird. you can't tell if you prefer it that way, or if you'd rather know what he's thinking.
especially since you're certain you just caught his eyes slithering along your curves.
anyway.
wanting to give yuji some privacy, you pull the door shut, the sound of his gags growing muffled. you half-jog-half-limp to the kitchen, preparing a glass of cold water to ease his throat once it's all over.
unbothered, sukuna leans his back against the counter, scrolling on his phone like this is just another night to him. it's weird.
you start wondering, drawing up the conclusion that this might be first time you and him have ever been alone, in a way. yuji is there, but not really, if you know what i mean. not mentally, anyway.
before you can finish that thought, you deliver the glass to yuji, crouching down to his level and rubbing his back with careful affection. "got you some water, baby. right here, by your hand." you take it gently, guiding it towards the glass.
he's not throwing up so much now, just laying there, waiting for the next wave of nausea to crash over him. his fingers respond to the glass, wrapping around it. "thanks, hic—y're so good t'me..."
you smile warmly, pressing a kiss to his warm cheek. you couldn't care less that he reeks of all kinds of concoctions and puke all rolled up together, wanting to be there for him regardless as you know he would for you.
you whisper a few more reassuring words to him before taking your leave, giving him some time to recover by himself. the bathroom door clicks shut. forgetting all about the third party, you let your back press against it, head jilting as a sigh slips out.
"he worn ya down that much?" sukuna snorts at the display, looking up from his phone.
despite your initial surprise, you laugh too. "he doesn't usually. it's just... been a busy night, i guess. i think he'll pass out in there."
sukuna briefly dips his head into the fridge, getting out a chartreuse-tinted bottle of something. "one would hope. you want one?"
"you're being weirdly nice." you blurt suspiciously, smirking. oh god. maybe the alcohol was starting to work you over, too, because you definitely weren't supposed to say that. sometimes it's better not to ask, someone told you once.
sukuna pulls a face that makes you wish you could crawl out of your skin on command, even though there's technically logic behind your last words.
"am i usually mean?"
"n-no, i just mean—" fuck, stop talking. with growing embarrassment, you shake your head, "nothing. sorry. that was assumptive."
the way you initially scrambled to answer appealed to some wicked humor in him as he laughed. "yeah, it was. so yes or no?"
"yes," you sigh, shoulders slumping in admission, knowing you probably needed it. especially after whatever that was. your head is pounding—god, someone should put me down.
sukuna opens up your bottle with his teeth as you hop up on the counter, watching each other. all had gone quiet behind you. sukuna handed you the drink with the lid still between his teeth, venom swirling in his eyes when he saw the way yours lingered on the gesture.
slowly, you took the bottle, pressing the rim up to your lips before taking a sip. it bubbles in your mouth, sparkling on your tongue before you swallow it down. the burn is a little unpleasant, but you manage.
"any good?" sukuna asks.
"'s okay," you shrug, reading the bottle, pretending like any of it made sense. "a little bitter."
"you like 'em sweet?" the taller man frowns, sorting through the cupboards for something that you're too immersed to ask about.
"kinda. but too much makes me sick," you explain, scrunching your nose at the thought. "i like a balance."
"oh, really?" sukuna snorts as if you've just said the funniest thing in the world.
in one confused motion, you lower your brows. and jilt your head, wondering what's with the sudden jest. "yeah, uh... is that funny?"
sukuna raises his brows, shaking his head, some glasses clinking. "no, not funny. nothin's funny."
he really knows how to make a person feel small, you'd give him that much.
you avert your gaze, heart crawling up into your cheeks. "okay, well..."
"what about you?" he interjects, sparking up another tiny bit of annoyance in you again. not that you knew what you were gonna say anyways. it most likely would've been embarrassing anyway, making you shrink even more, wanting yuji to come out already—
"what about me?" you wonder, your voice meeker than before. curious and cautious, tip-toeing around his words. is there something you're hiding?
"are you the sticking-around or screwing-around type?"
"oh, right," you laugh, making sense of his question. it's big one, though. kind of sprung on you. still, you manage to respond, just telling him what you know while glowing with intoxication, "well, we've only been going out a couple months."
you're more focused on the way he's watching you than you are on actually answering. his eyes are sharp and torrid in comparison to his little brother's, and the way he gazes down rather than looks at you has something in you stirring, writihing hotly beneath your skin.
it's exciting. why is it exciting? there's a giddiness that gyres in the pit of your gut like a ballerina, pirouettes and grands jetés, heat cooking and simmering through your veins. it's terrible. it's weird.
"well, you can't blame me for being protective." sukuna shrugs. "he seems to really like you."
while what he's saying rings true, there's a chord slightly off-key, something askew that you can't place. is he closer than before?
you ignore it, trying on a smile. "well, feeling's mutual."
you take another sip from the bottle, the cool rim settling on your lips, sparks igniting on your tongue, the same routine replaying. you don't even think before adding gleefully, "and he's like, a jazillion times more sane than my last boyfriend, so i'm happy."
"are you?" sukuna asks, serious.
it was like flipping a switch. he was laughing, now he's earnest, and you were just entirely confused, his meaning lost on you, like you're the last in line in a game of chinese whispers. he caught you off guard with that one. and he knows it, too, carmine eyes feasting on your discomfort.
your smile falters slightly before you nod. "yeah."
"okay." he just says.
now you were really starting to get pissed off with him. whatever he's doing, it's stupid. he might as well have you cornered, except you've done nothing wrong, and yet he's prancing around you with a tone of prolific doubt. as if he knows something about you that you yourself don't.
"what?" you demand, equally serious now, smile wiped clean off. the air turns thick.
sukuna shrugs his shoulders again and you swear you have to fight off a sneer. "nothing."
is he casting doubt on your love for yuji? is that what this is? is he trying to tell you you're not good enough for him? that even though you trudged half a mile in those huge stupid heels just because he said they looked hot on you—carrying his dead weight, might i add, as he was screeching a song you'd never heard in your ear—that all of that was just for laughs, and there were no real feelings behind those actions? is that seriously what he's getting at?
sukuna wants to laugh so bad. your face is all screwed up, cheeks puffed out and burning a deep red. oh, how it fuels him. your stubbornness, that endearing naivety that clings to you like all your modest perfumes, the one that lingers in yuji's room, occasionally in his clothes, infecting every dark corner of his mind—and now you know how it feels to be tortured by him.
"you want some water?" the man asks casually. your mind is on fire, your thoughts more blaring than you would probably think. it's written all over you.
his question makes your shoulders drop, feeling stupid all over again. what are you getting so worked up for? you're secure in your feelings for yuji. as his brother, sukuna has every right to feel concern for him. there really is no need for you to be acting like this.
he's playing you like a damn flute.
"yes, please." you answer a lot more softly, pulling your hair around to one side. you'd been bratty without cause, assumptive, again. you really need to stop mischaracterizing him. after all, he's no monster. "i think all the drinks are finally getting to my head a little."
he starts filling up a glass, grinning at you over his shoulder, mischief playing in his slanted-eyes. "oh, don't tell me you were expecting anything bottled. tap's the best y're gonna get from us. hope you can handle it."
a smile works onto your lips as you finally start to loosen up again, legs swinging gently off the side of the counter. playing along, you wince. "oh yeah, well, i usually only drink expensive, you know, mineral-rich—"
"yeah."
he's suddenly between your legs, his mouth devouring your own, swallowing the terrified noise that begs to escape. for a moment, you're frozen in shock, eyes widening as you palms meet his chest in a forceful attempt at creating space.
sukuna juts back, forced away from you. his eyes crack open but are still like slits, dark, crawling with lust you hadn't previously noticed—no, acknowledged, because the choice has always been there.
he relishes in the terror that brims in your eyes at his visceral kiss. it feels natural, but not in the tender, motherly sense. like predator devouring prey. the natural order of life.
his hands are hot, gripping onto your thighs, digging into the tights he could easily rip to shreds, giving him full access to your warm cunt, to ruin you.
and yet he doesn't.
he waits for your eyes to droop, for you to lunge at him, accepting this twisted spiral of events, indulging his darkness. teeth clicking, tongues meeting messily in a sloppy kiss, drool gathering between you both as you crash together all at once, a train wreck of carnality. sukuna's hands are all over you, groping, slashing at the crotch of your tights. you gasp into his mouth as cold air meets the sobbing wetness of your cunt, followed by a slap to it.
"f-fuck! hey, who said you could—hmff!" you yelp as his hand clamps over your mouth suddenly, his scarlet eyes narrowing.
"brat, watch ya fuckin' mouth." sukuna warns as you grapple with him. his tattoos look especially menacing then, chiseling his features. "he's drunk. not deaf."
you nod, trying to tell him you understand. he releases your lips in an instant only to seize them again in his so forcefully.
yuji would never—could never take you like this, and you fucking know it. you know it with every gnaw, every squash of your tits that leaves you whining like a bitch in heat, every bite against your neck where you can feel the outline of his brother's teeth and a short gush of crimson.
rationality is lost on you as you mindlessly rut against him, your hands running up and down his back until you start tugging on his pants, eager to rid him of them.
meanwhile, sukuna's making a meal out of you—you make up half of his size, giving him complete control to do as ever he pleases.
every whine is met with a grunt. his cock must have been freed at some point as you feel his greedy hands lift you against him, your chests meeting, the sharp cold of the counter leaving your ass and feeling his palms spread you apart instead.
nothing could prepare you for the suddenness of which he fills you—you scream, half openly, half having shoved your face into his shoulder—aware his brother, your lover, is passed out over the toilet in the other room.
"shh, shh—fuckin' shit!" sukuna groans, features curling in erotic bliss.
he gluts you in ways yuji never has, the ways he'll never dare—with such cruel, carnal demand, to the brim, unkind, violent, and so, so fucking good.
as he breaches your womb, you claw his back raw through his shirt. a sob rips through you. sukuna does his best to keep you quiet. "shh... fuck. yer so fuckin' tight, girl. relax."
"t-tryin'... 'm so full..." you whine, eyes misting over with tears. it feels too good, you think...
"i know—" sukuna chokes, barely lifting you up on his cock, feeling your walls spasm around him. "fuck, what ya cryin' for?"
he feels too good.
"d-don't move yet, i'll cum," you gasp, and he hasn't even tried—sukuna's expression blanches.
"already?" he bursts out laughing in his brutish way, the side that yuji lacked entirely as the nicest person you've ever known; fuck. the humiliation makes your cunt squeeze again.
he lifts you up, your knees draped over his thick arms, foreheads meeting. your breaths intertwine, hot and treacherous, caressing each other's faces.
"ya know, i've fuckin' heard you, all those times."
"wh-what?" you stammer cluelessly, only half there, clinging to sukuna as he dangles you on his cock, your eyes crossing when he starts to bounce you on him.
"said i fuckin' heard you, you 'n yuji—'n shit, ya never got this loud, huh?" he smirks wickedly, feeling your body collapse hopelessly against him. he fucks you up and down on him, swallowing up your pathetic moans and whines like they were the last noise he'd ever hear. "been wanting to take ya like this, stretch yer dumb little cunt on me, fuckk—ya got no fuckin' idea, princess."
rocking up and down, you wail, head bobbing. sukuna can just see your little maw dangling open—it takes everything in him not to jam his fucking fingers in your throat until you drool and splutter around him.
"y—you wanted—this?" you struggle, feeling too good to make sense of anything, to think straight, to do anything other than take every rough kiss to your cervix, feeling your insides bruise and swell with lucid excitements.
"lemme guess, the brat cums too soon—never quite gets ya there, hm?" sukuna guesses correctly, making you whine and nod and babble.
"h-how did y—ah, fuck—!" he snapped his hips, picking up the speed as you wept on him. you'd never been fucked like this in your life, and your world was getting flipped on its head. when did your dress come down? you weren't sure—but now your tits were bouncing and sukuna wasn't gonna pass up the opportunity to tear into them.
"cuz, 's just obvious," sukuna rasps, teeth clamping down on your raised nipple, "can tell this sloppy pussy ain't gettin' treated right. not when she's—shit—creamin' all over me jus' from stickin' it in."
"'k—kuna, don't—ahh! fuck!"
"that's it girl, shit, c'mon," sukuna keeps picking you back up only to drop all your weight on his fat cock, his balls slapping against your ass, the slick you're gushing causing them to stick together.
your head is empty, devoid of anything except the chaos, the suddenness of it all, the shock, he's fucking you. your boyfriend's older brother is fucking you, and you've never felt so goddamn good.
there's this sudden wave. a wetness. an explosive feeling that crashes over you in one swift, predatory pounce. like when a deer gets suddenly ripped apart. your head straight up drops on sukuna's shoulder, and you're sobbing loudly, babbling words that can't be defined.
then all of a sudden, sukuna outright cackles; the sound bleeds into your ringing ears, head picking up off of his shoulder.
"no fuckin' way!" he roars with laughter. you wanna shush him, but you can't move—your nerve ends are all bursting to life, like fruitful grapes popping between two fingers. it's happening again, whatever that feeling is, whelming you; this time you his fingers rub back and forth harshly across your clit, but wait—
"dumb lil pussy's squirtin' already, hahh, shit—fuckin' christ, girl—" he's enamored, watching you cum in adorable little spurts, soaking his clothes, your tights, and the kitchen floor, covering everything in your stupid juices.
"you wanted this, goddamn—look at you."
your eyes are rolled back as he kisses you again, fingers tearing into your scalp, the lewd sound of your lips smacking together filling the air.
never in your fucking life. you'd never came like that, so violently, so carelessly, not without really, really trying. all sukuna had to do was pump you up and down on his cock, say a few words and you were spraying like a tap. how fucking pathetic.
and then he does it again. drags another one out of you, laughing.
you barely catch his next words.
"'m gonna fuckin' cum in ya."
"n—no—" you stumble out, barely coming to at the words, but their enough to fill you with at least some urgency. your ass is bruised at the back from being repeatedly slammed against the counter, the wind knocked out of you entirely. "d-don't, wait, you can't—"
"why the fuck not, hah?" sukuna rumbles. "don't tell me it's cuz'a—"
"—yuji," you sob.
it hits you. it hits you then, hard, at the worst time. a gut-punch, one that makes you heave. in less than half a second, a guilt strong enough to set your skin alight cultivates and wrecks each single sense. his cologne invades your nostrils, an imaginary sensation, forced to breathe its natural, tender nature as opposed to sukuna's harsh and crude and brooding one, the one you're drowning in. the one sticking to your skin.
your hand—finally letting go of sukuna's shoulder, where you were keeping yourself stable—slaps over your mouth, tears springing into your eyes.
"f—fuck, fuck, fuck!" sukuna chants, eyes scrunching as he gets lost in the pleasure. he's pounding you, knocking your eyes back still, not slowing his pace for anything. your leg flails once, but how can you fight when he's holding you up like this?
"'s—'kuna," you choke out brokenly, slapping his chest with whatever strength you can muster. your lip quivers, heart aching in your chest as you plead tearfully, "don't."
he'd never been considerate. he'd never 'made love'. not even now. he fucked. he lied, he slipped off condoms, he 'forgot' to pull out, all so many times before. it was clockwork to him. he could've easily done it again. lied. been selfish. blurred the lines. cheated consent.
put a baby in his little brother's whore girlfriend.
and yet sukuna weirdly found himself pulling out of you last second, one hand holding you up while the other jerked his cock until thick ropes of cum splattered up your dress with a strained grunt. his orgasm spoils at it hits, a rough ecstasy that's tattered along the edges and ultimately, ultimately unsatisfying. it barely scratches the surface. the heat of it hasn't even started leaving his body before he wants more, regrets not filling you up, every cell inside him clawing for it, starved and fucking addicted.
sukuna almost, almost crushes you against the island, dropping you on the counter again where your drenched cunt feels like it's been electrocuted when met with the cold so suddenly. you gasp, arching into him, searching for any kind of warmth.
but he rips away from you, turning his back. his touch is gone as soon as it came. any desire flatlines, ringing loudly, blaring in your sensitive ears. alarm bells.
what is this?
both your chests are heaving. there's no afterglow. it's messy, dirty, frantic. cheap. depraved.
and it seems like you aren't the only one.
"s-sukuna, i—"
CLICK.
lips snapping shut, you sit right up, head whipping around in the most deafeningly guilty sense ever. heart in your throat, your expression echoes one of pure horror, one you expect will reflect your boyfriend's when he realizes what's going on here.
yuji stumbles out of the bathroom, his mop of pink hair tousled and eyelids low. he hangs by the doorframe for several seconds, his head dropped, not even looking up. it takes only a few steps. they're slow, clumsy, lead him to the bedroom door. he doesn't notice. he doesn't notice.
his older brother and his girlfriend are feet away, covered in squirt and sperm and other dirty secrets. shame. guilt. some more than others.
and he just blunders into the bedroom, a loud 'thump', telling you that he made it to bed.
all you do is stare. your jaw stays slack.
you hear a zipper and, frazzled, quickly flit your head at sukuna. he's fixing his clothes, not paying you any mind.
you stare at his back, despairing.
"wh—you're just gonna...?" you stammer incredulously, trying to do the same but there's no fixing the gaping hole in your tights that reaches down to your mid thighs.
away from his gaze, him cum settles against the fabric of your torn up dress, pooling slowly in its place.
his cock, hardly soft, twitches again, urging his need. he ends up frozen for a moment, simply staring, before he numbly moves forward.
he leaves, leaving you sat on the counter as he storms out into the night, slamming the front door behind him.
you're alone there, stunned, cum up your dress that is almost but not quite your boyfriend's, the floor below you soaked, and a heartbeat in every part of your body.
trembling, you push yourself off of the counter.
vaguely aware of the layout of the house, you scramble to find some wipes and clean up the mess on the floor. after that, it takes at least 10 minutes to get the semen out of your dress, but even then, you feel filthy.
you sniffle over the sink, scrubbing soapy suds into your tainted skin. wanting to throw up.
what the fuck had you done?
you'd cheated. that's it. you cheated on the sweetest angel, your angel, yuji. the one entirely too gentle and trusting for this world. you betrayed him. a sob rips through you, shattering your core.
stupid, stupid, stupid.
as you sneak back into bed, fingers still shaking as they turn the handle to yuji's room, you don't even have the energy to change your clothes. you simply crawl into bed, too crushed to face him, not garnering the strength, knowing what you'd done. a tear slips down your cheek.
because you can't even regret it.
and before you know it, yuji's draping himself over you, his arms, pulling you against the haven of his chest, sighing against your neck.
"you made it..." he mumbles.
oh, how you want to sob when he says such a thing. "yeah," you nod, trying to suppress the break in your voice, "yeah, i'm here."
yuji grunts happily, snuggling you closer. "mmh, good."
you don't think you will ever forgive yourself.
"i love you." yuji says, blind to the truth.
but you swear it's not one-sided. "i love you," you admit, beginning to cry softly in his arms, wondering if it will be the last time you ever get the liberty of doing so again.
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hoodedjelly · 4 months ago
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Sleep walk BTS post!
will go in depth with my process and put better quality drawings in here!
Before any of this i was listening to several fiddauthor/ford playlists to hear a song that really got my brain moving. Funny enough i didn't get Sleep walk from one of the 100+ song playlists i was listening to, it was in my oc playlist (thats a mad scientist who would've thought). Originally i wanted to make a fiddauthor animatic (who knows maybe i will), but THIS SONG just caught my brain in a way i couldn't refuse.
So i technically started working on it the late night of September 27, exactly a week ago! which yes yes i hear you all in unison go "WHAT???" to that, and all I have to say to that is.... I have untreated adhd and lots of caffeine in my system! (honestly felt like ford sometimes while workin on that animatic)
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Started it off with some notes, then thumbnails. I had my tbob AND J3 open next to me stood up with clips for reference (prob looked a little insane looking back but its fine)
now for the rough animatic! i did this in Adobe animate 2022 (i'll get back to that later) the only thing that really got changed was i wanted to add the diner scene from j3. i realize now that it messed up the timeline i was going for with the animatic but i like to think things are out of order because of the state ford is in, things start to merge together.
After i sat with this rough animatic for a bit, i wasn't sure if i was going to make it in Adobe animate (what i usually do) or make it all in Clip Studio Paint. I wanted this animatic to be way more visually interesting then i usually do, so CSP it is. But! i only have CSP Pro, so i had to draw and export every single new frame from this animatic.
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it was a little tedious at first (again never done an animatic like this before) but i got used to it! I edited it all together in CapCut and thats really it!
The missing J3 pages from TBOB spoke to me in a way that im not fully comfortable talking about to my followers. I put a lot of myself in this animatic then i'd want to realize, it's very important to me. The night when i uploaded it i was literally shaking with anxiety (and caffeine-) but the overwhelming support for it is really amazing, thank you so much! if you have any more questions please ask away i love talking about the art process.
Below im going to talk about the code and put HD backgrounds!
thank you for dyemro on here for cracking the code first! now i can talk about my insane little thought process about it
So i never planned to add a code until halfway through with the animatic. i was watching ThatGFFan videos and him talking about gravity falls codes got my brain cooking. i wanted something sweet and simple (i realize with dyemro's post it wasn't as simple as i thought, give me some slack it's my first time). like what you should with making codes you start at the end. And i wanted something that was a nice send off for drawing ford be fucking miserable for 1 minute and 30 seconds.
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so i got this. (honestly every time i look at this drawing after finishing the animatic it makes me real emotional)
There are 4 codes in this whole animatic 0:02, 0:15, 0:30, and 0:58
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wanted the first one to be REAL noticeable so people can stop and be like "wait... theres stuff in here". people usually think to use the bill symbols, but no! from the description theres a little hint to use the Author symbols
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doing that code it leads to: imgu r.com /a/uZa iVfu (and if you know that double line a under a letter means capitalization + im a dumb dumb that used a code image that didn't have a Z so thats just a normal Z)
it makes a LINK! > imgur.com/a/uZaiVfu <
now enough of that boring stuff, heres some HD screenshots and backgrounds of my fav parts
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pixxiies · 8 months ago
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— WHEELS ON
THE BUS . 𓂃 ㅤ۫ ㅤ⊹
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︴﹒ warnings ; smut (obvii), p in v, unprotected sex (wrap it up buddy), pet names (baby and angel), highschool au (characters are 18+), first person pov, y/n is used like once, degradation if you squint, lowercase intended, public sex, and praise
︴﹒ summary ; theres a field trip and theres not that much space on the bus so reader sits on chris’ lap and it leads to smth (i HATE doing summarys)
︴﹒ paring ; switch!chris x switch!reader
︴﹒ haven’s notes ; IM BACK!! sorry for not writing in a while i have been busy w school 😞😞 also are u guys interested for a part 2 for make it up?? i might scrap it but idkk 🙁 also this was based on a request
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ˋ☆ — i was waiting in line to get onto the bus for the end of year senior field trip. as sad i was for this to be my last field trip ever, i was excited to go to disney to be my last one. i got on the bus, seeing how there wasn’t that much room.
my eyes darted towards an open seat in the back. with a small sigh of relief, i made my way to it. i sat next to chris that i was somewhat friends with. “hi.” i speak softly. “oh hey, you excited?” he asked me, flashing me a smile.
“yeah! i haven’t been to disney in a long time, how about you?” i reply with a small smile in return. “eh, sort of. im not that much of a disney person, i really like universal more.” the brunette boy told me. my eyebrows raised slightly. i hum softly in reply before my eyes looked around the bus. it was incredibly crowded and to make it worse, a teacher came up to us.
“is it alright if you can move so i can place this box there?” the blonde curly haired lady asked me while holding a box filled with lunchboxes. i bit the inside of my bottom lip. “oh? uhh i don’t know where else to sit.” i say, my fingers starting to fidget with the lace on the hem of my shirt. “you could sit on my lap.” chris suggested nonchalantly. my face turned to face his, “you sure?” i said with a slight tint of worry in my voice.
“yeah i dont mind.” he said. after we got the approval from the teacher, i crawled onto chris’ lap. my back pressed against his chest comfortably and i placed my draw string bag on top of all the lunchboxes. “let me know if ya’ get uncomfortable.” chris reminded me as he awkwardly placed his hands in my lap. i nod, blushing a little bit when he placed his hands on my lap.
the bus started moving after a little bit, and as time passed i was getting bored. i turned towards my bag and grabbed my headphones and my phone so i could listen to music. just as i put one of the airpods in, the bus drove on a speed bump, making me bounce a little bit on chris’ lap. i heard his breath hitch a little bit, making me ask him if he was okay. “‘m okay.” he said, his hands starting to play around with my thighs that were being barely covered from my jean skirt.
as i sort of expected, i felt chris get hard underneath me. he started to ramble to me about what i would be doing this summer, trying to get me to not notice his boner that was rubbing against me. “chris its not working.” i giggle quietly as i place my phone and airpods back into my bag. “whats not working?” he asks me quickly, his words laced with anxiety.
“i can feel your dick.” i laugh again, turning around a bit so i could see his face. chris let out a small defeated sigh, earning a small smile from me. “im sorry, its a instinct.” he said quietly with a little embarrassed smirk. i shook my head, “dont worry chris.” i say, rocking myself onto his hardon. i smiled a little bit as i felt his hands quickly grip onto my hips.
“y-y/n.” chris stuttered as he leaned his head back slightly. i whined out quietly, thankful that the bus was loud enough to cover it up. i kept grinding against him, getting wetter and wetter to the sounds that he was making into my ear. “fuck.” he whimpered, leaning his chin on my bare shoulder. my eyes fluttered shut slowly as i teased chris a little bit by slowing my pace until it came to a halt. “why did you stop?” he pouted.
i looked to the side where i thought there would be other students sitting but instead it was just other boxes. “good.” i whispered under my breath as i sat up a bit. i guess this was a hint for chris to unzip his pants. as he did so, he also pulled his boxers down to his upper thigh. i lowered my ass down while my fingers pulled my white lacey panties to the side.
i shuddered when i felt the burning sensation of him stretching me out as i sunk down his cock. his hands found my hips again and he gripped onto them, guiding me as i rode him. my hands rested on top of my thighs, gripping onto my jean skirt. “your taking me so well angel.” chris breathed into my ear, sending me shivers down my spine. “shitt.” i dragged out quietly as my mouth fell agape from pleasure. my hips swayed against his a bit quicker now, earning whines from him.
“shh, don’t want anyone to hear you baby.” i say, turning around to look at him slightly. he nodded slowly, making me go back to doing my thing. i smiled when i noticed how grabby chris was getting. his hands grabbed and touched anything he could. “can’t believe your riding me in the back of the bus like a slut.” the boy with brunette loose curls laughed dryly. i turn to face him again and looked at him with doe eyes.
“well you were the one who suggested for me to sit on your lap in the first place, sturniolo.” i state, my voice a little bit unbalanced since the head of his cock hitting my sweet spot perfectly. after i turned my head back, chris grabbed onto the back of my skirt. my back arched off of his chest as i just let him thrust up into me. “f-fuck im gon— ahh, im gonna cum.” i breath, biting my bottom lip to prevent myself from making any loud sounds.
“cum with me baby.” chris whined into my ear while wrapping his arms around my waist just so he can hold me still to thrust into me. i let my bottom lip bounce back and my mouth fall agape. soon enough, i came all over his cock. i threw my head back on his shoulder with his chin on my shoulder.
i then felt him fill me up with his seed, making me whine a little bit. the brunette kissed my temple softly before he spoke. “you okay?” he asked. i nodded, my hand reaching up to my hair and tucking a small strand behind my ear. “yeah, i have uhm.. tissues in my bag.” i say while reaching over to the pink bag and grabbed a few tissues from inside so we could clean up.
after we did so, i managed to squeeze between chris and the box filled with lunchboxes. i looked up at the blue-eyed boy and smiled. “we’re at disney.” he said. “happily ever after then.” i joked with a giggle.
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︴﹒ haven’s notes pt2 ; hope u guys liekd this :3 im gonna write more after this week i promise yalll
︴﹒ taglist ; @mxqdii @espressomads @luverboychris @sturniol0s @mattsluttywaist
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changbinsboobs · 1 month ago
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Can you do skz as husbands next ??
Skz as Husbands series : Chan
Ohhhh boy...ya'll are not going to like this. Idk if i myself am shocked or not surprised...but literary ALL of the cards are BAD, and i kept on drawing and drawing more hoping at least one good will come out but...🥲 sadly all of them are pretty weird.
That being said i am reading current energy not current energy, and im not getting AT ALL vibes from chan for wanting to get settled down anytime soon. All of his focus is on his career and goals and ambitions etc and theres just no place left for a family.
So i guess it makes sense that all of the cards are really negative as it's just not his time now. I do feel potential in him tho (after some therapy and probably retirement).
Im just gonna go ahead and start with the 9oS which tells me that being a husband and the head of the family will put IMMENSE pressure on him with which he cannot deal with. I think he makes it much bigger in his mind and lets doubts, paranoia, stress etc get the best of him and im seeing him actually having pretty hesitant thoughts on marriage for that time being just for that same reason. I think he's a guy that sees this as a very serious job (can imagine him picking that up from his dad) and its nothing to be taken lightly and as i said it gets very twisted and exaggerated in his head and takes the best of him. If he were to get married right now, he would change very quickly from what his s/o has seen from him and take a huge turn for the worse and put forward his shadow side. Im seeing lots of toxic coping mechanisms too which very conveniently leads me to the next card.
The 3oC usually a nice card but not in this case, especially because of the heavy display of alcohol - im seeing him wanting to escape the crushing weight of his responsibilities and looking for that escape in the face of alcohol & shady friends that may be just too immature and bachelory-mindseted and have a bad influence on him. I can see him missing for nights on end, which also relates to the 5oP as well and him giving...no having to be forced to give the bare minimum, and him even struggling to do that, and twisting it all to look like the victim. But more on that card at the end. So as i was saying im seeing him being very absent a lot of the time, not only because of work but because he's out and about with his friends. Im not really getting cheating from the cards - but im getting heavy vibes of a similar setting where temptation is just around the corner and him just living as if he had no family back at home waiting for him. This - once again very conveniently ties to the next card😂
Which is the 5oW. Im seeing lots of fight, probably initially starting because of his prolonged missing and eventually moving on to different things. Im seeing fights escalating very quickly, starting very quickly, being very exhausting and very damaging. To the relationship, to both their mental health and to some random objects nearby👀
With The Fool im seeing him being way too immature for something like this at this current point and it shows pretty well on the card - he's just not in the right state of mind for this chapter of his life and if it were to happen it will bring out his unreadiness and immaturity forth even more - to show where he has to work on to be ready for that next stage.
And back to the 5oP again, aside from him having to be forced to give the bare minimum and him even failing at that - he very skillfuly turns it out to look as if he's the attacked one, as if he's the bullied one, as if his wife's the one who's starving him and making him out to be the bad guy and he just feels really bullied by the whole situation and behaves that way and expresses himself that way so i would say - a huge victim complex.
Overall i would say this reading was more of a "chans toxic defence and cooing mechanisms if he were put into the corner" reading, which is kinda sad cuz that doesn't really give much insight as to what he would be like as a husband cuz what we just saw wasn't really chan but his "alter ego" that protects him in a way. Yk we all have that one side of us that takes over as if on autopilot when we feel threatened in any way. I think that would be the same for chan, and if he were to feel comfortable with the idea of marriage and feel ready for that, the reading would be way way different. But i find future readings to not be much of my thing cuz thats way to unreliable cuz energy can change in so many ways, theres so many different outcomes... but we'll see how the other readings turn out and if all the guys have weird current energies that don't really answer what they'll be like as proper husband i may try a future reading.
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varianrambles · 2 months ago
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❥𝘕𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘕𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦 ༊*·˚
Pairing- Scaramouche x Reader
Synopsis - Going on a late night walk with Scaramouche ends up in an injury, but don't you worry your pretty little head about it. Nurse Scara is here to kiss your pain and embarrassment away!
Warnings- Vague descriptions on blood/an injury, modern au, cursing, Scaramouche
Authors note- Dearest apologies for the 2 month hiatus chat. Still learning to write a bit ദ്ദി(˶‾᷄ᗜ‾᷅˵ ᵕ) apologies if Scara is a bit ooc , I TRIED MY BESTT
–wc: 1.1k
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It was supposed to be a regular walk through the park with scaramouche, but of course it's never really that simple with you, is it?
Late one night, the children had gone home and the old street lights had flickered on, you and Scaramouche had decided to go on a walk through the neighborhood park. The walk had been fairly normal, the both of you had walked hand in hand, talking idly about whatever came to mind in the moment. That was until you spotted the old children's playground. It was dimly lit by the old and barley functioning street nights, and you could see the leaves, dirt, water, and mud that had gathered at the end of the obnoxiously yellow slide.
The playground itself was pretty sad, if you're being honest. Consisting of a singular slide, and monkey bars that led to the swing set that consisted of literally two swings. If you were a kid and THIS is were your parents told you to play on, you'd ask to go back home. But then again the nostalgia from seeing a children's playground was obviously too much for you.
Now obviously, as any rational adult would do, you squeezed scaramouches hand tighter, swinging it upwards as you held your hands to your chest and jumped in excitement. "Look Scara! A playground!" You squealed out. "What about it?" He asked clearly confused as to why a grown adult would care about a depressing children's playground. "Wouldn't it be fun to go have fun on it? You know, relive the childhood memories and such." He looked at you with a puzzled expression for a moment before sighing, his breath visible in the cold weather before replying. "It's only you who can turn dumb shit like this into something sentimental I swear." You ignored his as you said "Oh cmon' , It'll be fun to play on a playground like kids again!"
Paying no regard to the annoyed grunt he gave as you dragged him over, eventually letting go of his hand and jumping onto the monkey bars, although it didn't work as well as you had planned considering it was made for 5-12 year olds. You decided you were fine with holding onto the bars and swinging while bending your legs to avoid them touching the ground. As Scaramouche walked over you could see a pout present on his doll like features, as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "You aren't actually going to play like a child here are you? I mean if you're gunna do this at least pick a good playground" He said, with an eye roll. "What?! C'mon theres plenty of stuff to do here" You said, drawing out the 'A' in What. "Like the swings! C'mere!" You said again dropping from the money bars and walking over to the swings.
Scaramouche followed behind you, albeit a little less excited to go on the swings. By the time he reached the swings you were already in a swing, beginning to swing back and forth already. "Swing with me Scara!" You Chirped. Silently and surprisingly with no witty comment or insult, Scaramouche sat in the swing next to you. Though he wasn't swinging all over the place like you were, he looked content simply sitting in one. "Im gunna jump!" You said, remembering the days when you would jump of the swings as a kid. I mean if you could do it at Seven, it cant be that hard! "I would tell you thats a bad idea, but you wont listen so, good luck i guess." Rolling your eyes at him you focused on building up some momentum, making sure nothing was in your way, and then you jumped.
And damn was it a mistake, You landed on your feet like you planned but unfortunately your ankle didn't get the memo to straighten before you hit the floor, causing to to fall face first into the hard, cold, and unforgiving mulch. It hurt, a lot. For a moment you sat there unmoving out of pure embarrassment, i mean how could you possibly face the world after so confidently face planting into the ground? Though it felt like forever, you knew it was only a few seconds before Scaramouche was at your side.
Helping you up off the ground, he helped you limo over to a nearby bench, it was a little damp due to the mildew of the night, but that wasn't the biggest concern at the moment. Assessing the damage Scaramouche noticed the bleeding scrapes on your knees and cheeks mainly, though there were smaller scratches though they weren't as serious. Scaramouche opened his bag and pulled out some alcohol wipes and band-aids he always carried with him, unfortunately this sort of thing was a common occurrence, he'd learned to be prepared. Sitting in silence, Scaramouche began to treat your wounds, "Hold on to my arm if it stings." he said, while beginning to wipe at the bleeding scratches on your knees. Oh and damn did that shit burn, you squeezed onto his arm, hissing a bit before he moved onto your cheeks, grabbing a new wipe and repeating the process.
He grabbed the box of band-aids and began to take a few out to put on tour injures. "Are those fucking Sofia the first band-aids? Of all the band-aids in the store those are what you choose?" You questioned a slight giggle at the end. "Instead of mocking my band-aid choices let's talk about your poor life ones, yeah? Where did you go wrong, getting your ass kicked by a barely standing swing and some mulch" You were silent after that.
As he placed the last Sofia the first band-aid your cheek, he leaned down and gave you a kiss on the lips, a quick kiss but a kiss nonetheless. Suddenly it was like you had drunk the sacred blood of god or something because that kiss had you feeling better in seconds, smiling and kicking your feet. "Be more careful, [name] seriously. How do you not get tired of tripping and falling all the time?" Scaramouche said, in a teasing tone. You could practically hear the smirk in his face as he pulled you off the bench, Letting you lean your weight on him for the walk back to your shared apartment. "It's getting late, let's get back home, yeah?" He said adjusting himself a bit. "Yeah..
"Lets head home.."
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WIBTA for telling someone i can't be friends with them and returning a gift?
buckle up gamers, this is gonna be a long one. so i (22nb but i present fem) was out at the bars the other night just kinda hanging out, and a girl (26f) came up and started talking to me. she didnt really seem...super present i guess? and i talked to her to be nice and she had a cool outfit on. well i was a little drunk and ended up giving her my phone number and meeting her husband (39m) and they walked me home. the whole time she was talking about how she doesn't have any friends and her ex friends just wanted to get with her husband. she told me she was bi and i was like hey me too but im not interested in sex so that was cool. she ended up walking me home w her husband bc it was late which was nice, but they seemed really shocked i lived in such a nice apartment(i do, its expensive but my parents pay for it. im really privileged to be able to do that).
i saw her again today because she kept texting me about wanting to hang out, so i went for ice cream with her bc it was in a public place and i wasnt super comfortable going back to her apt with her. i paid for her ice cream bc she said her card wasnt working, nbd bc my parents have money and her and her husband aren't really well off. i said she could pay me back sometime, buy me ice cream or whatever another day, but she really fixated on it. she told me her husband thought i was cute which made me a little uncomfortable but i laughed it of, and then she kept talking about how she was bi and would date a girl and how she approached me not to date but to be a friend and then 'see where it goes.' she also told me she did porn online to make money which is fine w me, that she's on disability but that the money isnt really enough to live on, and that she'd been raped in the past and drugged which yanno a little overshare-y considering ive known her for three days but she really seemed like she needed someone to talk to and im good at listening. well her husband showed up out of nowhere bc he apparently tracks her phone and we all went back to their apartment bc i couldn't say no(im a doormat. i know) and she ended up giving me two pieces of jewelry in return for buying her ice cream which felt a little like overkill. i tried to refuse but she said she wouldn't ever wear them again so it would be fine. it was really kind of her but now i kind of feel i owe her back for them. the whole time i was there they seemed really eager to get me to move in nearby, and while its true that area is definitely cheaper my parents are really fine paying for my expensive apartment bc my tuition is a lot cheaper than my sibling's. she and her husband walked me home again, mentioning they might be going on a cruise in november if they could save up the money and that they could bring a friend. i said id almost definitely have school which they seemed to accept. they kind of seemed to want to see my place, but i told them it was really messy(it is) i have anxiety around having people in my space(i do) and that maybe they could come up another day and i could make dinner, and she told me she didn't like people cooking for her bc she'd been drugged in the past and that i could go over to their apartment again instead.
my parents think theres some really big red flags going on and i should try to break this off sooner rather than later. i pretty much agree. im not gonna ghost her and they dont think i should either, but that i should somehow return the jewelry in a kind way and tell her i cant really be super close friends. my mom had the idea to draw myself wearing the jewelry and then say i still have a memory of it but to return it bc i cant accept such a nice gift which i could try to do.
to be clear i am shit at communication and setting boundaries, im very aware of that, and most of this can be solved by telling her hey i can't accept this gift and im really busy for school a lot and im sorry i cant be as much as a friend as you need. but i still kinda feel like tah for leading her on almost and then breaking it off like everyone else in her life. ive been under a lot of stress bc of school and my stepgrandmother passing and trying to take care of my grandfather so trying to be friends with someone that seems kind of high maintenance is not really tenable for me.
so, wibta if i tried to let her down gently?
What are these acronyms?
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sixosix · 7 months ago
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SOBBING EUEU UEUEGEH EUGEUE UEHEUUEUEE
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(got a lil shy while drawing them doing the smooch🫣)
im so getting emotional rn like THERES ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT😭😭🤧 i feel like it was just last month where i sent u the first ask HHAHAHHS rizzney is actually a myth look at him at his KNEES for mc bro is a tomato, a strawberry, hes the same color as his bow headass. also yeah aether its probably best to get your hands off mc now LMAOOOO. LYNETTEEEE i love u ueegheheg eueh ueh. also CHILDE😍🥰🥰😍🤩😍😍🥰my man lesgo, my mc childe sibling boat is sailing HAHHSHHSHX
on the side note, im hella hyped for the aether series💥💥💥 trust that I'll still be w u in that journey as much as i am in this one. your writings breathe life into me like actually. Thawed has relieved me from artblock lots of times and im greatful for that. As long as i live, thawed exists alr. like this fic is injected into my brain HAHHAHHSHHSHSN
i might draw more even after the series is over tho LMAOOOO like just my headcanons and stuff. THATS HOW MUCH I LOVE THAWED OK U DONT UNDERSTAND this the thawed impact😭😭😭😭
but yeah, have a nice day six!! i love u very much❤️❤️
AKAAGIIIII im tearing up again 😢 U DREW THE KISS SCENE WAAAAAAAHHH. omg. They look so soft im sobbing i can feel the warmth ARRGHHHH THEIR HEIGHT DIFFERENCE TOO IMGOING CRAZY the way hes holding her... Okay. okay.
im so emotional too like I CANT BELIEVE ITS THE LAST CHAPTER NEXT.... I stared at my phone after i posted that recent chapter like wt f am i gonna do now. well obviously we know what im gonna do next but thawed impact was real to me too 😢😢 thats my baby and im letting her go NOOOOO
IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!! im glad we met through thawed and im forever grateful that youre still sticking to my blog. 🙏🙏🙏 i swear and wholeheartedly believe that thawed wouldn't have been the same without your art. TRUST ME I WROTE IT.
and ofc ill still welcome (and BEG) for thawed content from you even after i officially end it. i have attachment to your thawed!mc and i dont think its gonna go away ever. I LOVE U SO MUCHH U ARE WONDERFUL HAVE AN AMAZING EVERY DAY
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ganondoodle · 1 month ago
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i have seen people talk about how hard it is to draw anything if you have aphantasia (which is good to talk about and true and valid and also intersting to read and this post isnt to devalue that, two things can coexist etc etc)
i personally struggle with the opposite; i have incredible imagination, i'd say it's my best and only "inate talent", (this is not a brag ..) all stories i think about are movies, i can stop them, change camera angle and poses, rotate ever object however i want, place lighting sound and voices, even styles, i switch from ghibli to botw to fortiches style, even into the style of a comic i recently read which wasnt even animated, the only thing that only works half the time is music-
and that all might sound fantastic, but its a mess, it goes too fast and too quickly, things never play out one way, theres interruption, involuntarily sudden changes to other subjects, i feel like struggling to keep an angry horse on one path, it makes me waste HOURS each day just reversing and redoing a scene like im a movie director wizard in my head, theres no ONE finished version, it changes everytime yet i go back over and over again to make it better, i forget most of it within a few hours anyway; even IRL when someone tells me about a memory and they are not sure if i was with them during it once they start to explain trying to make me remember it instead i will imagine it, in the end i wont be sure if i actually remembered or if i just imagined it too real, it scares me how much i forget and cant remember only for my mind to make shit up, makign me doubt my own memory (its weird how it works, i have horrible geographical memory, when i drive somwhere i have known my entire life i need to remember the path to it by imagining driving it, i remember significant things but not the path to them or how they connect or in what order, i have to go through it in my head every single time)
by far the worst part though is that extreme disconnect between whats in my mind and what i can do, just because i can imagine things like that doesnt mean i can draw it (god i WISH), nothing i have ever drawn is how it was in my head, the few things you get to see are the ones i won the fight against myself with to keep going and say 'good enough' at some point the speed is a problem too, the things playing in my head, sometimes even multiple at the same time, play like, again, a movie, whatever im trying to draw is rarely ONE thing, its a whole scene that plays over and over, i want to draw it all but it wont work bc my mind is too fast and i am too slow, it makes me try to skip ahead and get things done as fast as possible, it NEVER works (also too much, theres so many things in my head, i have almost the entirety of the totk rewrite in my head already, novels worth of lore and story for my other projects, its overwhelming how much is in there that i cannot get out and on paper)
its why comics take me so long to make, why detailed paintings are so rare, its the rare times i can force myself to try and tune out my mind and just work on what is in front of me, usually works for a few hours .. if i can manage to reach that sort of focus at all, its why basic sketches of characters are so much easier to do bc i dont have to fight as hard to just draw a character doing nothing- as soon as i want to make it a sketch page of things and scenes the movies are back and are there to haunt me until i cry and give up after hours of trying to keep up with my mind that i will never be able to catch up to (and this is only about drawing .. )
i know skill and speed increase over time, but i wont ever get to where my mind is, its always ahead and trying to skip and jump towards it only makes me stumble and fall flat on my face- maybe its ADHD, maybe its the autism, maybe its the depression, maybe its just me, maybe its just all of that
what im trying to say is, head full, too much thought, too fast, never able to translate it into viewable things in the way and speed as my head works, i explode
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