#theres no set outline for life

[worrynoodle]

I'm trying to change things for myself in little ways here and there in my life. Hoping to butterfly effect my way into something different, something hopefully better.

I never felt like a teenager when I was one. As is true for a lot of kids who grew up not knowing they're autistic, I was always masking, always in survival mode, always trying to make it through the social hell that was public school while also struggling with my identity on the inside being queer in a Christian home.

Now, at 24, I feel like I'm actually kind of starting to be more like who I wanted to be as a teenager. I feel like I'm getting to that stage of my life of growth and discovery that my peers already got to experience. I didn't have the courage to stand up for myself and I still struggle with that but it's something I'm working on. I've been reflecting on that a lot. Who I was, how that person was torn apart by bullies and teachers and people who meant well but did harm and now I'm piecing that person together.

It takes TIME. I needed to be reminded of that as I've watched my brothers (one older, one younger) grow up, go to school, meet their partners, get married, one had a kid and the other has one on the way. I've felt so "behind." And the truth is, there is no "behind."

You are living a completely unique story. Completely. It is no one's but yours. Give yourself a break and let life show you how wonderful it can be.

reminder that 30 isn’t old, it’s very normal to not accomplish everything in your 20s, and that it is never too late to learn that thing you’ve always wanted to learn. you’re always growing. that’s a good thing. 

[tteavil]

Ringduo AUgust Day 6: Procrastination

For Alien AU, in which Tea and Minty are that trope of aliens on Earth that accidentally end up as roommates without knowing the other is an alien. Dont worry about the accuracy of Teas research. Its great for comedic irony and not at all skewed by their use of social media

Bonus: The full text of what I wrote for this

[haveihitanerve]

okay I'm sorry but I'm back with The Next Right Thing from Frozen 2-

But this time with Dick and Bruce because it just gives Dick and Bruce-

(I want to write a fic with the song but I can't find a starting point rn so I'm hoping this'll at least give me an outline from where to start)

This is what I imagine is going on in Dick when Bruce "dies" and he has to be Batman.... I apologize in advance.

"I've seen dark before, but not like this" -Dick was raised, cultivated in the darkness. Darkness is Bruce, darkness is Familiarity, darkness means Bruce is behind him, at his side, darkness means home

"This is cold. This is empty. This is numb" Grief is numbing him. Darkness... it has never felt so unforgiving. So unfamiliar.

"The life I knew is over. The lights are out"- he can't be Nightwing anymore. And... and Batman, Bruce is no longer a part of it. He's no longer a son, no longer a child. Now he's an adult for real.

"I follow you around. I always have"- Hes Robin. Not Batman. He's supposed to be behind Bruce. Not leading alone. Now, now theres no one to set an example for him. Now.. now theres no Batman. No Bruce.

"This grief has a gravity. It pulls me down"-...self-explanatory i feel like

"But a tiny voice whispers in my mind. "You are lost, hope is gone. But you must go on. And do the next right thing""- Bruce is the voice in his head, for better or for worse, and he cannot succumb to his darkness, cannot seek revenge- justice, not vengeance.

"I can't find my direction, I'm all alone. The only star that guided me was you" -😭😭😭the meaning is pretty much the same as before but ouch

"How to rise from the floor. When it's not you I'm rising for?"- ouch.

"I won't look too far ahead. It's too much for me to take. But break it down to this next breath. This next step. This next choice is one that I can make"- he doesn't want to think about if its forever. Doesn't want to think about always wearing the wrong color. The wrong suit. Can't think about "what if Tim's right and he's not-" He can't afford to. But he can take it day by day.

"So I'll walk through this night. Stumbling blindly toward the light"- batsignal. He's blind, for the first time in forever. Because theres no Bruce to open his eyes.

"When it's clear that everything will never be the same again?"

"Then I'll make the choice. To hear that voice. And do the next right thing" Justice. Not Vengeance.

[ourfatherwhoartinhell]

Silent Hearts // [Part I]

Pairing | Cowbell x reader

Word count | 3.2k

⚠️ Warnings | Canon divergence, f!reader, Cowbell is Cowbell. TW for blood, a little bit of violence, mention of death, attempted assault (nothing happened)

Chapter Summary: You like to go to the cemetery once a week to replace the flowers. This time you were followed by some Brothers of Sin. Along the way you meet Cowbell and learn he's a little different than the rest, but then again... so are you.

A/N: Okay so this is largely based on my interpretation of Cowbell. I love the idea that his name is actually Felix (like how Special is Phil) so that will be used now and again. Visuals for the guy are based off of Endopyre's amazing art on Tumblr, literally cannot get it out of my head.

This will eventually have a few parts as I make more stories between Bell and the reader. Take this as their origin story, but theres more to come! xoxo

You really liked spending time in the cemetery. Most of the Siblings thought you were crazy, but amongst the dead is where you found your soul’s purpose.

The Abbey didn’t have a lot of residents. It had even less that devoted their life to the Ministry long enough to be laid to rest in the unholy ground it stood upon. You made a point to go out once a week and replace the wilting flowers with new ones so they knew their devotion was still appreciated after they were gone. Once a month you would help clean off the headstones and make sure everything was well kept.

You weren’t the only one who came to visit. Obviously family members and relatives came to pay their respects or check in. The groundskeeper quickly became your friend after he accidentally locked you in one of the mausoleums during his nightly rounds. 

Dusting off the gothic angels that kept watch over the Emeritus brothers, you remembered the door being chained shut behind you. He didn’t come back until morning to find you asleep on the well swept floor. That night you appreciated the time to study the ornate decor - once you found candles to light the room of course. Each brother had a distinct design outlining their final resting place. It was beautiful.

The next morning you spoke with the groundskeeper and all was well. He took extra care to make sure you weren’t in any small cracks before he locked up anywhere after that. It became quite a funny story.

This trip out would be no different. Armed with a basket of Mountain’s newest and prettiest flowers, you happily strolled towards the cemetery gates. The ghoul kept a separate batch just for the occasion, helping the newer ones grow if they weren’t quite ready. 

The theme for this week were tulips, a batch of baby blue, peach and yellow. You had enough so each resident got one of each. The gate creaked as it opened and shut behind you, walking up the grassy hill to where your silent friends waited.

“I’m comin’, I’m comin’– this walk never gets easier,” you panted, holding the skirt of your habit as you finally reached the top.

You always started from the left, working around to the right. Weaving back and forth between the rows, you placed the flowers delicately at the base of the headstones with a smile. The sun was starting to set beyond the hill. Your chores ran late so you were out later than normal, most days you were finishing up and headed back to the Abbey by now.

Turning the corner to start the last row, you stopped to count the remaining stems, making sure Mountain had given you enough. Your head shot up at the sound of a branch loudly snapping beyond the treeline. The wind kicked up, causing the gate to creak at the base of the hill as you tried to make out whether you could see who was there. Convincing yourself it was just an Earth ghoul doing a perimeter check, not noticing anything out of the ordinary you restarted your count.

“Twenty-eight… twenty-nine… thirty,” you nodded assuredly. 10 spots left. Just enough for everyone to get the same.

“Well, well. Look who we have here fellas.” A male voice spoke, startling you slightly. “You thought the ghouls were the weirdest thing in the Ministry, take a look at this one. Probably wants to dig them up and fuck 'em.”

You huffed in anger and turned to face them, placing the second last batch of flowers against the headstone. “What can I do for you?”

There were 3 of them. You didn’t recognize the other two, but the leader was in the same initiation group as you. You knew he was trouble when you both arrived at the Ministry. Clearly he was training some new goons in his tactics of being an asshole.

“Nothing, Sister,” he spat. “We were just coming by to make sure you were alright, being out here all alone. Wouldn’t want one of those feral ghouls coming and eating you up, now would we?”

“The ghouls are the least of my worries,” you said, gripping the basket tighter. You tried to look confident as they stalked closer.

You couldn’t tell where it originated, but a deep rumble weaved through the trees as the Siblings began to slowly surround you. The basket you carried slipped out of your hands as your nerves were quickly taking over.

“Look, we got her scared,” one of the newest members spoke up.

“Don’t come any closer. You know you aren’t allowed to h-hurt anyone.” You stuttered. “It’s against the rules.”

“And rules only apply to the living.”

You froze.

This time it wasn’t one of the trio that spoke. It was a gravelly, battle-hardened voice behind you. The faces of the boys in front told you all you needed to know. Their looks of terror extended beyond you, focused on where the other being stood. At least you assumed he was standing, you weren’t about to turn around and check. You just wanted to wake up from the nightmare this day turned into.

You shut your eyes, hoping this was all just a bad dream. A gust of air blew past and you heard a variety of growl-like rumbles off in the distance. Then it all went quiet. No more wind, no crunching of leaves, no taunts, or even breathing from the terror trio that were just mere inches from you.

Slowly opening your eyes, it was like it was all a dream. The three Siblings were nowhere to be found. The flowers were all in their rightful places. The last of the tulips waiting in the basket that sat at your feet.

You glanced around to see if they had given up and ran back to the Abbey, but the path up to the Ministry was clear. If they had started back, you would’ve seen them clear as day from the vantage point the cemetery had upon the hill.

You quickly placed the remaining flowers on the final grave before noticing a ghoul walking up the steps towards you.

He was tall like Mountain. He had a cloud-like mask that weaved through his dark, shoulder length hair and fully covered his eyes - indicating his element was at least part Air. As he got closer, you could notice the various piercings decorating his pointed ears. There were three more placed through the bridge of his nose and a couple around his lips. You wondered for a moment if they had been painful.

He walked as if he didn’t even notice you, completely lost in thought. His long strides carrying him quickly towards you before you gasped at the sight of blood splattered all over his chest and dripping down his face. He didn’t seem to be bothered in the slightest about it. You, however, had never seen anything like that before.

Your sharp inhale was enough to stop him in his tracks. His pointed ears twitched as he looked around without much direction, trying to locate exactly where the sound came from. It was at this point you realized this ghoul might not be able to see properly.

You weren’t sure why you slowly started walking towards him. He was clearly unstable and had just killed something, or someone. Yet the pull to him was hard to resist.

“Um,” you spoke softly, so as to not startle him. At this moment, you still weren’t sure if he even knew you were there. “Thank you for scaring them off. I really appreciate it.”

His attention turned directly to you, but it was different. Without eyes it was hard to tell exactly where his sightline was, but his head tilted upon hearing your voice. 

Okay, so he can hear but he can’t see - noted.

You shuffled nervously under his obstructed gaze, slightly unsettled that he was just standing there without speaking. It was almost like he was studying you, the way his head tilted from side to side and his ears twitched back and forth before he finally spoke.

“It’s strange…”

No shit. “Want to elaborate? A lot of this is strange.” You replied, the reality of your situation slowly starting to settle in.

“I can’t hear you.”

It was your turn to tilt your head in confusion, raising your voice to try again. “I said: ‘What’s strange? A lot of this is–”

“No no, Kitten. I can hear your voice just fine.” The ghoul smirked, the situation clearly amusing him. “Your heart, I can't hear it.”

Your brow furrowed. You didn’t realize that being able to hear heartbeats was a common ghoul trait; you didn’t know much about ghouls to start with anyway, only talking to them in passing. Exchanging momentary glances and friendly acknowledgements in the halls.

“I apologize, where are my manners? What’s your name, little one?” He asked as he leant his large body against one of the headstones, flicking stones off the top with his pointed fingers.

You scoffed a little. You weren’t all that short, but you assumed to him everyone else would indeed seem quite small. You had a fleeting thought that his enormous stature would easily rival Mountain. “(Y/N)”

The ghoul seemed to like that answer, a large grin appearing on his face showcasing many of his sharp fangs.

“And you are?” You prompted.

“Felix,” he said nonchalantly. “But almost everyone calls me Cowbell, or Bell. If we’re close you can possibly call me Cow without too much consequence.”

You stifled a laugh, letting a small snort escape through your nose as you hurried to cover your mouth.

“Something funny?”

“No! Not at all. It’s just… Cowbell?”

Instead of being offended, his grin just grew larger as he became more amused. “An unfortunate nickname from a long time ago.”

You nodded, accepting the explanation.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking.” You moved in closer, resting against the headstone across from him. “Are you, blind by any chance? Sorry if I’m assuming. I just can’t help but notice all of this,” you were talking about the mask he wore, forgetting he couldn’t see your gestures. “And the way you look around.”

He nodded. “I am. From birth actually. I created this veil of sorts to stop people from staring. Apparently my damaged eyes are a little too unsettling for the Clergy.”

If you weren’t curious about this ghoul before, you sure were now. 

“How come I’ve never seen you around the Abbey before?”

“I’m not allowed inside. I’m what you might call a ‘shit-disturber’.” He chuckles. “I was given an ultimatum: it was either solitary confinement in the catacombs, or living out the rest of my days in the woods.”

“That's awful!” You exclaimed. Never having been to the catacombs, you weren’t exactly sure what they were like. However, you knew he most likely made the right choice. At the very least, out here he was free to do as he wished.

“It’s not so bad, I promise.” He shrugged it off, the last of the pebbles discarded.

You sat in silence for a moment, the sun beginning to set. “You said something about… not hearing my heartbeat? Is that something ghouls can normally do?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s just a me thing. Since I don’t have my sight, my other senses are heightened. Hearing unfortunately being one of them. Heartbeats are like fingerprints, everyone’s is slightly different. Mixed with other things, it’s how I tell people apart.”

You nodded, trying to follow along as he explained.

“I can hear everyone’s all the time. Awake, asleep, it doesn’t matter. It drives me nuts most days, especially in crowds.” He paused. “I can’t hear yours though. As we’re sitting here it’s just... quiet.”

“Strange.”

“Indeed.”

The wind picked up and you shivered. Only dressed in your summer clothes, the suns rays were no longer warming you as it set behind the hills. The ghoul didn’t seem affected by the shift in temperature in the slightest.

“Do you know you’re covered in blood?”

The ghouls head tilted and you could see his lip curl in confusion before he let out a short laugh. “I didn’t, but that's a more common situation than you’d imagine.”

“Um…” you didn’t really know how to answer that, so you switched directions. “There’s a rainwater barrel beside the groundskeeper’s house. I could help you wash it off your face at the least? The clothes are up to you though.”

A genuine smile crossed his face at the offer. “That would be nice, thank you.”

He would never admit it, but no one had been this kind to him right off the bat. For most people it was a phase of avoidance and fear before they warmed up to his peculiar ways - the few people that he met before being banished to the woods that is.

The walk down the hill to the groundskeeper’s residence was mainly made in silence. Felix skillfully catching you from falling when you got halfway down, your foot sliding through a puddle of blood that stained the grass - remnants of the first body he dragged away by the throat moments ago. He was quick to convince you it must’ve been a wet spot from yesterday's rain. Praying the fading sunlight would keep his secret.

Alongside the house was indeed a barrel full of water. He would have to make a mental note of that for the future. He mainly used the lake to wash off the mess of his hunts, but sometimes he felt dirtier leaving the water than before he got in it.

In the Pit, Bell took very good care of his appearance. His skin was well taken care of, he took pride in his hair and the softness of his few patches of white fur. After being cast out, now he only had his tongue to groom himself. It was straight up humiliating. So the rainwater would be a nice change, at least fish didn’t shit in it.

You knew the groundskeeper left a few rags and things hanging on the clothesline in case you needed it. You figured this was a good enough reason to grab one. You told Felix to stay there while you went to pick one off the line.

There was a spout at the bottom of the barrel to fill watering cans or connect hoses, but you just popped the top off and dipped the corner of the towel into the water. You picked a dark grey one in the hopes that it wouldn’t suspiciously turn red.

Turning around with the damp towel you paused. “I– um… sorry I’m not 8 feet tall. Can you sit?”

He nodded silently and sat on the edge of the stone wall that ran alongside the house. “Woof.”

Your eyes went wide as he chuckled, clearly expecting anything but that response.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You asked me to sit– never mind. Do continue.”

You couldn't help but let a soft chuckle pass through your own lips, now understanding the context. You took a quick look at his face, deciding where you were going to start.

“Can I start on your neck? The right side?” You wanted to make sure you didn’t startle him with the sudden touch, since he wasn’t able to see you coming.

“Of course, I can’t see where the blood is.” He tilted his head up and to the side, getting a better look at his numerous fangs and piercings at this angle while he spoke. “My cleanliness is in your hands. Make me look pretty again.”

This ghoul with his off-hand comments. You smiled and shook your head before telling him you were about to start.

Wiping the cloth over the stained areas, the mostly dried blood came off with surprising ease. All the while you were cleaning off his neck, you couldn’t get his comment out of your head. He was a pretty ghoul. Maybe not conventionally, he had a ton of piercings and you could already see a few scars, knowing he probably had a few more around at the very least.

You stood back to rinse out the cloth and re-wet it, turning back to find him grinning at you.

“What are you smiling about?”

“I could feel you staring.”

“Wh– how?” Your face flushed, you didn’t even know you were looking at him that long. “I mean I wasn't…”

“It’s alright, Kitten. You can stare.” He shrugs. “Not much experience with ghouls I’m assuming?”

You shook your head before remembering to verbalize. “Not really, no. In the halls mainly,” you began to wipe the blood off his jaw, working your way to the mass of red smeared over his bottom lip and chin. “You’re the first I’ve ever had a proper conversation with actually.”

He hummed in contemplation. “The first ghoul you’ve talked to. First time I’ve heard silence in someone’s company… today is full of firsts.”

“I like firsts, they always lead to interesting things.”

He couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face as you rinsed the towel one more time, returning to work on the main concentration of blood below his lip.

You tried your hardest to work carefully around his piercings so as not to bother them too much. There was so much blood that you had to rinse twice, rubbing with significant force before all that was left was a little bit on the side–

“Ow.” Felix mumbled, trying not to move.

Confusion crossed your face before your eyes quickly went wide, noticing the streak of fresh blood run down his chin. “Oh my gosh, did I do that?”

Felix’s chest rumbled in amusement. The sound was covered by conveniently timed thunder off in the distance as you dabbed at it, trying not to smear it further. If the sun had still been lighting the sky, you would’ve noticed that the blood was not red like the rest, but actually black.

“I don’t know where that came from. Huh.” He smirked. “Weird.”

You happened to look up. Noting his fangs on that side covered in it, as well as his tongue as it passed over the puncture wound on his bottom lip. You immediately took a step back with an unamused scowl.

“You did that on purpose.”

“Maybe,” his head tilts once again. It was clearly a ghoulish trait. “I just wanted to see how you would react. You got so worried, it was very cute.”

If your eyes could roll further back into your skull, you would be searching for the brain cell that made you fall for his tricks and immediately cussing it out. You huffed in frustration, turning to abandon your efforts before something behind you pulled you back into him.

“Your face was so close to mine, I just wanted you to stay there a little bit longer.”

Your brow furrowed as you looked over your shoulder to see what pushed against your back, only to find a strong tail with white fur at the end. Having never interacted with many ghouls before, this in itself was a bit of a shock. Nevertheless everything else that had just happened in the last hour. People simply do not have tails!

But he wasn’t really a person at the end of the day. Was he?

[Next]

[ritualofcirice]

🐑 ♡ Here's one letter fresh from Sup-port, addressed to a very fantasic fox ♡ 🐑

Dear @redfoxwritesstuff,

Nobody can deny the hard work you put into your stories, as well as your efforts to make a safe, welcoming community alongside your fellow co-owners in the Voxtek Discord Server. Now it's time to share the love to Tumblr!

The way you write captures the reader's attention in an instant to take them into the heart of the story you have created. Your writing style is just that beautiful, and the emotions linger long after that ao3 tab is closed. The first chapter of Misdemeanor, wow.

For this reason, you are one of the first creative souls to be recommended to all the lovelies that will see this post! Thank you for all that you share, and thank you for continuing to be a positive force in fandom.

Wishing all the best, and sending all of our love,

The Sup-port Team xo

Let's see what other letters arrived for you!

From @redvexillum ♡

"She's a kind soul uwu"

From @crackrodent ♡

"Kit and Red are both amazing people and writers. And even though theres a lot of things i admire about both of them individually id like to start by saying how amazing of a team they are. Whether its on the voxtek discord server or on tumblr while bickering over Adam and doorknobs.

Kit has been my biggest supporter as i learned to cook this year. She's almost always the first person i tag when i need help with anything from anxiety kicking my ass to well... anything. I even asked her to explain credit scores to me and she did without any judgment. She's the most kind and understanding person i know.

My life is infinitely better knowing Red and Kit."

From @nyx-umbrakinesis ♡

"Kit is one of my favourite people in the entire world she's my wonderful quirky, kind, little traumatised, beautiful, funny, salty, shy, anxious, force of nature, occasionally sad and silly at self caring and self deprecating, lovely adorable little flower, loving, kind, hugely talented and an amazing internet wifey and I'm so grateful to the depths of my soul that I met her."

Kit's Advice To You

"Have goals. Write daily. Have a set writing time- even if it's just 15 minutes. Growing as a writer is a process and if you want to grow, it takes work (and if you don't want to grow, that's fine too!). Things like making the decision to start outlining when writing longer fics, editing for more than just grammar correction and paying attention to what you change or what you don't like while rereading your work, what you think you can do better all can go a long way. And of course, reading. Both 'real' books, old books, new books and fanfic all help too but not just for enjoyment. Paying attention to how dialog is written, how the scenes are structured, how the story moves, what you think is well done and what you don't think is well done and why you feel that way are all as important as the simple act of writing.

And having some writing buddies helps too. I am a better writer for having Vexi as my writing buddy, to encourage me to step out of my comfort zone, to (playfully) shame me when my writing gets lazy and to (annoyingly) remind me to self care and take breaks. A writing buddy with the same writing goals as you is a great tool to have too."

Want To Write A Personal Letter?

Kit's official Sup-port tag is #fromsup-port2redfoxwritesstuff

♡ Is it your first time picking up mail at Sup-port? Find out what we're about here ♡

[callie-shifts-apparently]

WAIT I GET A TAG I LOVE THIS !!!! u must tell me all about ur fantasy dr now omg

RAAAAH OKAY. Im working on a Notion thingy that I'll link when its "done", and i loath everyday that i havent figured out the magic system yet, but heres the super basic outline:

- Its a european medieval fantasy setting, magic and mythical creatures and such (the only humanoids are like. Elves and Humans though, so not quite high-fantasy)

- I live with my adopted dad + mentor, Cassius, on this collection of floating islands called the Peregrine Islands

- Dragons are a fairly big part of the world but are severely under researched, so we work in a government funded program to study dragons. but this usually means just dicking around with them lol

- Gods are real (though not all powerful). the two primary Gods are Celia of the Moon and her sister Seraphis. Seraphis is commonly known as the sun goddess but shes technically a god of twilight and dawn. Celia's followers are all very different with different styles of worship but generally Celia sends signs through dreams, where as Seraphis dormant because every few hundred years she makes these big "miracles" and exhausts all her power

- The 9 levels of hell are real and each level has a legendary weapon associated with it. In order to keep the 9 Hells closed, the weapons are sealed away in each of the 9 capitals of the world. Eventually one of them (I dont remember which weapon it was my b <\3) gets stolen by this shapeshifter mf and pawned off to pirates but idk where that plotline is going juuust yet 👀

- im Super Cool and also Arospec in this reality so in my dr i naturally have a love triangle goin on 🤘 plan is polyamory but we'll see how it goes lol. One is a boy-next-door type from an old-western-style town me + Cassius visit sometimes, other is from an arctic tribe with these cool seaglass beaches i found on pinterest and immediately adopted into the universe jdbsksbsj

- yeah generally Stuff Is Going On LMAO but 99% of my time in my DR is me going on research trips, special requests from the princess, and housekeeping for dragons lol. eventually im gonna have to write a wholeass BOOK on them and even defining what a dragon IS is going to be such a task oml. but i <3 my work

- other animals like jackalopes and unicorns and phoenixes and merfolk will exist for sure for sure for sure, but ive always been autistic about dragons and that WILL NOT change there

- My riding dragon is a pretty common one but hes my bestest friend ever ever everrrr. Hes an orange + white feathered wyvern called Solstice and I'd die for him a thousand times over. His species typically keep to family groups in these like, year-round autumn forests near the peregrine islands? but during certain times of year theres like. 30-50 of them hanging out in fields to even out the food sources yk. without the camouflage of the forests they just rely on strength in numbers :] i have to go every year but honestly its a vibe. theyre a very docile dragon lol

- Cassius' riding dragon is a very serious girlie called Juno !!! Cassius worships Celia of the Moon very dutifully so even his dragon is moon themed lol. Juno is like a SUPER DUPER rare kind of dragon where they have a really long life span because their eggs almost never hatch. they only hatch on eclipses, and theyre super fun too because if they hatch during a Lunar Eclipse you get the horned variant (Juno), and if they hatch during a Solar Eclipse you get the frilled variant :D!!!! I gotta sit down and properly design them one day but AAAA

- OH Familiars also exist here!! they basically work as like a reservoir of magic if that makes sense? The spell it takes to get one is super tedious and draining but Cassius helped me with like, support spells so i managed. Familiars basically either can double the strength of one spell, or allow you to cast an additional one. They can take on basically any shape so long as its mobile because magic isnt stationary. Mine is a blue tiger cub named Tybalt/Tibby (Hes based on my favourite stuffed animal lol). most familiars are semi-tangible and pretty small - Tibbys about the size of a small rabbit. Familiars natively make like. Wind chime/glass clinking noises :3

[chaiandsage]

hi um. Having just finished my fourth (?) read of trust life, i have a couple things to say/ask

the first thing is Oh My God it’s incredible probably one of my favourite fics ever your writing is amazing and the characterisation is always on point

The next thing is how much planning went into the fic before writing? Theres so much detail and you clearly knew where everyone was and when

also just out of pure curiosity, did you have any sort of map of the world its set in? Or just the mental image ?

"You clearly knew where everyone was and when." Raph let me tell you it was a literal miracle I only had like one or two slip-ups on that end (that I know of). To this day I have no idea how I got away with it. There were just so many moving parts with five teams, fifteen people, and however many breakups/makeups/exes/friendships to keep track of. I had to remember which characters knew which bits of information at any given time, which characters were still left in the dark about certain things, and what lives everyone was on. I kept forgetting that players do NOT respawn with their belongings during this game and had to keep fixing that, same idea with trying to remember where everyone's last sleeping spot was so that they'd respawn in the correct locations whenever they died. It was… a lot. Not saying this fic wasn't still insanely fun to write though. It was both of those those things.

I did have an outline made that I roughly stuck to that covered a decent amount of what happened from beginning to end. A lot of it got cut out cause that fic was getting WAY too long. But to answer your question, yeah, there was a LOT of planning. My outline for this fic literally just consisted of a bunch of 1-3 sentence paragraphs explaining what events would pass and why in very simple terms, and even that took up like a couple dozen pages. But there was also a lot of stuff that I threw in while the fic was still being updated.

Like, I still wanted to try to work in what was going on with the cc's in the real world since most of this story was suppose to take place 6 months later. So when 6 months later had passed in real life I tried to tweak the story accordingly as best I could which really just required me to change up a few of the places they went to once the game had ended. The decision to have Jimmy flee to Evo was also something I changed while still posting chapters. I was thinking about somehow making him go back to the Third Life server instead but then thought: "How cool would it be if Grian's emotions were tied to Evo and that caused his, Jimmy's, and Bigb's conversation to be 10x more dramatic?" So I did that instead.

Then there was also a change with the Deep Frost Citadel, the location for that setting getting changed a couple of times. I was originally gonna have Scott tell Tango he loved him for the first time back in Tumble Town but then only realized months later that "wait- wait a minute… It NEVER RAINS desert biomes!!" So yeah, more tweaking of the story went on there but I definitely think the change ended up being for the better regardless of the whole rain problem, lol. But yeah, once again: a lot. A lot of planning went into that story (what I wouldn't give to be half as enthusiastic about actual important life stuff as I was with this fic). But there was also a lot that was changed and cleaned up as it was still being written.

As for a map, I HAD one at one point but ended up tossing it once the fic ended. But here's a hasty re-drawing from memory that I may or may not have forgotten to include a few things in:

I actually had some fun remaking this, so thank you for that! Also huge thanks for reading my fic! I am losing my marbles at the fact that you liked it enough to read it four times and that it’s one of your favorites too? Oh my god?? Thank you so much!

[n0phis]

this is formatted like a twitter thread and i wont apologize for that anyways time 2 waffle about art before conking da fuck out

on improvement and why it's so fucking weird

(tldr; point is if u feel like no matter what u keep hitting plateaus or suddenly dont know wtf ur doing. i get u. and ur probably imrpoving a shitton but in a way that fundamentally alters how u visualize things. its weird like that)

so improvement is loops right? improving -> improved -> need to improve and so forth theres smth really funny about my most recent artistic crisis. its like i’m starting from scratch. it feels like i’ve figured out a puzzle and the room it unlocks just has a larger, harder puzzle

like where is the prize bro? ive improved rapidly over a few months and assumed i could just��� keep going! or that id finally be content! but i think the issue lies in how i think about art. my perception fundamentally changes as i learn. all that work just for more work?

i was just thinking about how simple it used to be to slap together parts of a face. then realized that the way i go about it is just. wholly different now. before, a face was a jaw outline with features in their set position respective to perspective (hah).

now… a head is a head. there can be consistent lines, but not always. i kept trying to stick to the formula of ‘line goes here’ but it wasnt working whatsoever. sometimes jaws *arent* outlined. sometimes a nose has to be suggested in halftone to show it properly. what the fuck

it was just. interesting. i can no longer rely on the basic building blocks of how i learned art for over a decade. it feels so much easier to fuck up now. i think that’s why it feels like im so out of my depth? like i'm somehow worse or less consistent than i was two months back

don’t get me wrong, it sucks to ‘technically’ b more skilled and yet feel less confident, so much more like a beginner than i have in a while, but i guess this is what it is to grow. after thinking it over i do feel pride in that uncertainty bc at least it means *progress*?

something something you’re supposed to be uncomfortable sometimes in life because if you arent it means you arent growing.etc etc whatever

anyways this probably means nothing but i feel like it might mean something. i hope some of u guys out there get me (thumbs up emote) ill be back with art soon im forcing myself out of the weird mindset and just sticking with finishing what i planned on finishing as normal. happy arting!

[silentstaresfanficandfanart]

what fueled you to write that fast?

I would need that help too

endless love ENDLESS LOVE FOREVER AND EVER

that is tos ay i write what i love and i love what i write and i try my very best to enjoy the process and have fun

do it often and youll get faster

have a rough plan in place or even an outline if you can

and you know that rush you get when you imagine your characters doing stuff in an amv or when you chat about them with a friend? you gotta jump into thew riting while thats still buzzing if you can!

plus it helps to have lovely pepole to encourage you, while its also VERY important to make srue not to prioritize ao3 comments or peoples attention over your enjoyment, as long as you can take that part in without working FOR attention and love you'll do great.

think of it like, Wataru

Wataru is doing his acts and all his amazing things for praise

as lovely as wataru is , hes very very sad and he's just trying to be loved <3 so even if he does an amzing job at everything he does, he's not happy unless someone else enjoys what he does! and that can trap you in trying too hard to gain others aprooval and forgetting what you yourself do!

another thing is challenging yourself, if you doubt yourself doing something big and scary like nanowrimo or actually completing an entire book can make the big scary thing not so bad. The important thing there to remember is that anything that can bleed, can die. That is to say, if you can 'cause damage' to somethings hp bar, you can defeat it as long as you keep attacking it! eventually it will fall.

you can write an entire book just fine, if you just keep writing it.

But you gotta give yourself an hp bar for the thing or it can feel overwhelming. personally i go with a "ask a question, answer it, and ask another question" style usually when im writing

usually i would say a good chapter length is about 5,000 words max, and then writing out an outline

for example

Eichi feels ill, why is eichi unwell?

reveal: Eichi is turning into a horrrible magical monster and keito has to become a magical boy to save him

resolution: keito becomes a magical boy and saves eichi!

question: what's going on and how is keito going to save the world from these aliens

(in this case the question kind of sets up the overarching primary plot point- having at least one can help a lot in storytelling but theres so many different ways to tell stories. i like personally really like the 'no conflict narrative' that some japanese stories have, not that they really lack a conflict but its great for slice of life things and can kind of be stretched a lot of ways i think its called Kishotenketsu

but you know, find a method that works for you but the most important rule for writing a lot fast, is to just have fun and be self indulgent, the hardest thing to do when it comes to writing a lot, is make yourself write at all after all, as long as you actually are writing something you REALLY enjoy and like writing, you'll want to keep writing. stay true and honest to yourself and if you hae ONE big scene in mind you freaking LOVE and dont erally want to write the rest you are tottaly allowed to do that. The difference between talent and skill is often passion.

Oh and NEVER. EVER. INSULT YOUR WRITING.

DONT BE HARSH. DONT BE CRUEL.

AND DONT JUDGE YOUR WRITING UNFAIRLY, INF ACT, TRY NOT TO JUDGE IT AT ALL ,JUST ENJOY IT. SURE ITS OKAY TO STUDY AND SEE WHERE YOU COULD IMPROVE AND GROW, BUT DO THAT BECAUSE YOU ENJOY WRITING AND WANT TO WRITE BETTER NOT BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE BAD do it because you love writing and you want to love it even more and show it how much you love it by getting better <3 compliment yourself and your creative projects often

tldr: Do what you enjoy, never insult yourself, and remember to not push yourself to conform to others expectations and praise, but do praise yourself lots and lots <3 source: a lovely writer who enjoys it very much and can truly say they love writing

personally i got stuck in a huge rut by the way a few years back when my mom told me she struggled to get into my writing because i never finished anything and it took me a long time to finally work past that though she never meant anything harsh by it. It took facing nanowrimo to suddenly kick my love of writing back into gear. completing and sucessfully writing an entire actual book proved to me i could.

also on that note one more tip

writing an entire book actually isint that big a deal, its super exciting sure! you should celebrate it! but it's something we put on a pedestal which makes it seem superhuman to complete, but...it's really not. now ive written several books since nanowrimo last year, and you can really see just looking at my fanfictions how heavily beating that helped me. writing is FUN

writing can BE fun

the biggest thing ive ever seen stop writers is fear, shame, and doubt. Same with artists, or anyone else with any skills. love, love , love~ <3

just keep writing, keep loving it, and you'll find that even if you only write a little a day, youll eventually get your goals done <3 any mountain is climbable with patience time and love!

[itsohh]

The True Prize

A/N: Female reader, I’m not gonna lie I got a little bit away from the orginal ask of this. It just just evolved as I wrote but I hope you still enjoy it anon. Theres also no actual like full on fucking, it just didn’t fit right.

Word count: 4235

Warnings: NSFT, smut

AO3

If there's one thing that ruled the world. Its money. Throw it at any problem and it will be solved. Even someone who can't be bought can be 'fixed'. Hire someone to kill them then replace them. Corruption and greed are all too often seen in your world. It was a case of bend or break. It was the reason why you had long since left your countries military. Yet those thoughts were long shifted to the back of your mind as you clicked open the window. The lockpick set slipped back into your pocket and you used the tips of your fingernails to open said window. So long as you didn't break the glass, it wouldn't alert anyone.

A solo mission. In and out. Hired by one of the best private military companies out there, you were the definition of skill. Each movement you took was precise, fast and silent. Careful not to alert the alarms or the guard you slipped around the building with ease. Its layout had long since been engrained into the back of your head. Akin to a prison, it was a square compound with a courtyard in the middle. Surrounding the compound was a large cement fence which you had scaled with ease. Your destination? A server room with intel. What the intel was, you didn't know. You didn't care. Your goal was to get in, copy everything onto your USB and then get out. Preferably without anyone knowing.

Careful to stick to the shadows and avoid any of the outside lights, things seemed a little quieter than you had expected. There was still a decent amount of guards about but far less than what you had planned for. All the way to the server room you dance. But when you reached the room of your objective you noticed something was wrong.

What should have been a locked room was now unlocked, the door partially open. A small stream of light told you that someone was in there. The usual staff couldn't be working there, the compound worked on a strict schedule and employees weren't allowed to overwork themselves. You had, of course, done your extensive homework before entering the building.

With the barrel of your suppressed pistol, you opened it. Thankfully, the door was silent and you approached the figure. They were in the centre of the room, their fingers waiting impatiently while they waited for the computer to copy and delete files off the large server.

Step by step you approached until they finished and ejected the flash drive. The woman was hard to see in the dark room, only a silhouette of the monitors that drew an outline of her body. What you could tell was that she was average height, slightly muscular, and she certainly had some type of training. It was obvious she was strong. When she went to turn you finally spoke up. "Don't move." She froze at your words, the gun in her hand twitched but didn't try anything.  "Toss the gun." She hesitated at your command. "Don't make me say it twice." Finally, she threw it much to your pleasure, whoever she was, she certainly wasn't your target.

"Turn around slowly. And before you do anything dumb, ask yourself if your life is worth testing my reflexes over." Her face towards the ground meant it was hard to get a good look at her. "Give me the drive and I will be out of your hair. No one has to die here." There was a huge risk at the moment she passed it over, no matter what you did, you would give her a slight opening. After a moment of contemplation, she placed it on the ground and slid it over to you.

That meant you would have to bend over to get it. With your eyes still on the woman, you crouched down. In a split second your eyes flickered down to the ground and that split second was all she needed. The woman jumped forward, and her knee slammed into your face. Hard. A spike of pain rippled through your face while you were forced into the ground from the impact. Quick in her movements, she snatched the USB- and your gun which had skidded towards the door- and sprinted away. She was fast, gone in a flash.

Once your daze had worn off, you rolled to your feet and started to chase after the woman. What felt like hours was only really a matter of seconds as you managed to see her head towards the window. Yet she didn't bother to silently open it like you had. No. She smashed it with the butt of your gun. A spotlight quickly shone on her from outside and a second later the alarms in the building roared to life.

Quick to get out of the spotlight she vaulted through the window. No longer did you try to be quiet. The light tried to follow her but stopped as she started to get out of range. You drove through the window after her. Landing in a roll, you chased after her while gunfire lit up around you. Your superiors were going to be so pissed. So much for a quiet in-and-out mission.

The pair of you sprinted away from the compound and into the deep grass that surrounded the building. The cement wall that encased the facility came into view and she kept running towards it. Behind her, you could see her fiddle for a moment to get something from her pocket yet it wasn't anything like a grapple. With the speed she sprinted at, you were unsure if she was going to scale it or if she had other plans. The narrow miss of sniper fire has your blood pumping while you chased her. They most likely thought the pair of you were working together. Not that it mattered if that was the truth or not.

To them, you were both thieves and if caught would be subjected to the same fate. Death. As the pair of you neared the wall, you soon realised why she was going for one particular spot. As she neared you watched as her hand flexed an object in her hand, a detonator. A decently sized hole was created and she continued on.

Through it she escaped, you still on her trail. Out of sight of the compound, you launched yourself at her. She swore out and the pair of your tumbled into the deep grass. Down the small hill, the both of you rolled until eventually, you came to a stop with a small groan. Green had stained your skin while dirt mixed with it,  it was a good thing it wasn't some type of cutty grass else you would have been left with rather painful skin to be dealt with at a later date.

At the same time, the pair of you rose to your feet and you finally got a good look at her in the moonlight. Fucking "Jaimini Kalimohan Shah." You hissed out her name. The leader of another private military company. A competitor. An enemy. She paused when she collected herself and stared at you. It hadn't been the first time the pair of you had met. In fact, there was a very real possibility you would have joined her collective if she was a little faster with her offer. You had long since already signed a contract by the time she had contacted you. Ever since then, there was always a secret bitterness, you were one of the ones that got away.

Her head tilted slightly as she spoke your name in greeting, her eyes focused on the knife in your hand.

"Didn't expect you out here getting your hands dirty." The pair of you were in a dance now, a duet.

"I like making sure things get done right." Her brows narrowed at you.

"Oh? Don't employ anyone good enough or just don't trust them?"

"I assure you all my operatives are more than capable. But I'm still the best."

"Best at relying on technology perhaps." You snickered.

“Technology is simply a tool. Only as good as the person welding it. Tell me, princess, how good is that toothpick in your hand?”

“If you don’t give me the flash drive your gonna find out.” The knife in your hand glinted in the moonlight and she tsked out in response.

"Not going to happen sweetheart." Her voice mocking. In a split second, you lunged for her, but she narrowly dodged back- the blade in your hand sliced through the thick material of her vest with ease. It was so incredibly sharp. Not a toy. Her balance was trustworthy and she danced on the back of her heels while her brows narrowed in determination. Careful not to open yourself up to attack, you lunged for her again but this time you did so to the side. Her hand made contact with your wrist for you to drop it yet your grip was tight enough to hold on.

Kali’s leg made contact with the side of your midsection which caused the wind to get slightly knocked out of you. A grunt left your lips and she used the opportunity to dash to your side. Effectively, she gained the advantage when her foot made contact with the back of your knee which forced you onto the ground in reflex. Not to be outdone, you twist your body while you feel and gained a grip on her wrist.

The momentum had her crash down against you, stunning her in the process. You rolled her into your back and quickly mounted her, your blade at her throat. The pair of you panted, frozen in time. Moonlight reflected off her out-of-place hair, no longer neat under her bandana it now framed her face slightly while her ponytail had loosened. Her skin had a layer of both grime and sweat while her eyes stared into your soul. Even though you were working, you couldn't deny how utterly gorgeous she looked at that moment. A true goddess. Someone so strong and someone so powerful to be beneath you? It did something to your heart. Caused it to race ever that bit faster.  "You would have made a good Nighthaven operative." She didn't attempt to move, one nick of your blade could be lethal.

"I don't make a habit of selling out once I've established a contract. It's bad for reputation. Just business." A term Kali was rather familiar with. "Now Ms Shah, the flash drive. Where is it?" When she didn't respond, you pushed the flat side of your blade against her chest, the cold metal a reminder of what was at stake. Her lips pressed together and you allowed your weight to push down a little more against her. "Do I have to search you myself? I would rather get out of enemy territory." Her eyes closed slightly at your threat, trying to determine how serious you were.

When she didn't speak, you were forced to carry out your threat. With your eyes still locked on hers, your other hand started to feel around in the pockets of her attire. Grappling hook, ammo, but no USB. "Where the fuck is it, Shah?" Your voice was one of annoyance as you started to blindly pat away at the rest of her body. Determined to find it, you undid the harness around her front and pushed it to the side. With that out of the way, your hand felt up the side of her waist.

Something changed in her dementor though. Her lips parted at the action while her eyes closed for a saw second while she struggled to control her breathing. Was she…enjoying this? As you analyzed her face you came to the realisation that she was. She enjoyed being manhandled by you. With her dilated eyes reflecting the moonlight, you even came to the conclusion that she was aroused by the matter. Something that you couldn't deny enjoying.

Slowly your hand felt over her right breast. Kali's eyes snapped open but she didn't say a word. A small shift in her and you could have sworn she pushed her hips up slightly against you. Her tongue darted out for a second to wet her lips and you couldn't help the way your eyes are up her features. She didn't say anything as your hand continued to grope her through her vest. Didn't say anything as you focused on the bottom of it where her nipple would be through the fabric. Hand spread out completely you moved slightly up but paused when you felt something. Something small and rectangular.

Your brow cocked and your objective was found. Yet as you slowly started to pull down the zip of her blue vest, your desperate inner desires started to whisper in your mind. A second zip held it together. Her breath hitched and her jaw clenched as your knife moved slightly to the side to give access to her zip that was pulled up far higher than the other one had been. It was quite a stiff zip, one to only come undone with purpose. Slowly, you revealed her sports bra, held together by a clasp in the middle.

Unlike the rest of her body, it was clean and untouched. Almost like a forbidden fruit. Your eyes broke away from her chest to the secret compartment that was sewn on the inside of her vest. You could help but wonder if there was another access to it that you didn't know about. How she managed to slip it in there without undoing her uniform remained a mystery, a mystery she wouldn't tell you.

The invisible zip came undone far easier than the rest of her zips and you fished out the USB. A far less desirable prize than what your mind was set on. The world painfully reminded you of your situation as brief shouts echoed in the distance. Regardless of how you felt about Kali, she was still the competition, the enemy and the zone you were in was very much not safe. Your hand clenched around the flash drive before you slipped it into one of the pockets of your top, a small click of the button notifying you that it was secure. One final act, you snatched your pistol from the security of her holster and pushed off her. "Take the loss, Shah. Don't become an obstacle that I'm forced to permanently remove." Her eyes glared into yours as you stood above her now, her hands going to her vest to fix it.

Shouts continued to near and brief flashes of torches flickered around. In all reality, you knew not to turn your back on the woman but you were forced to as you started to stealthy make your way through the long grass. A loud shot rang out through the air and you dived to the side as a singular bullet streaked past you. With wide eyes, your head whipped around to the woman who crouched in the grass. She has given away both your positions in the warning shot of a threat. Kali wouldn't take the loss. Kali didn't lose.

It was painfully clear she could have killed you then, just like you could have killed her before. A mutual agreement that neither of you wanted those outcomes. Her head looked over her shoulder and she started her sprint towards you. One that you mirrored as the pair started your escapes. Both sprinting through the grass it was a race against time to get away before the guards located you. The long blades of the dry grass slapped against your knees while you made your way to your hidden bike in the trees.

Yet as you neared you heard gunfire ring out, they had spotted the pair of you. Kali being rather faster than you had managed to catch up and was only meters behind. A cry came from behind you, one of surprise and pain. She had been hit. You should have left her behind. Anyone else, you would have. But you stopped. With a sharp turn, you saw her fall to the ground, the grass acting to hide her, but not for long as they neared. Mentally you swore at yourself as you quickly sprinted over to her. There you were able to see the blood forming on the side of her leg, the bullet had gone clean through. Her pained expression, one that frankly looked rather pissed off, looked up at you. It turned to a look of curiosity and interest. Without hesitation, you pulled her up by the arm and wrapped it around your shoulder.

Gentleness was overtaken by urgency as you practically dragged her injured leg along through the grass. Neither of you said a word as you managed to escape into the safety of the trees and finally find where you had hidden your dirt bike. You leaned the woman against a tree while you uncovered the branches.

With the helmet now on your head, you got on it before your head turned towards her. You gestured towards the back of it. Her injury would make it hard to ride, especially with the terrain but it was this or walking. Like the smart woman she was, she hobbled over and swung her leg over it with a hiss. There was little space for her on the back and her arms soon wrapped around your waist rather securely.

-

In the comfort of your safe house, you helped Kali off the bike and with far more care, you helped her into the small building. With the flip of lights, you took in the three-room cabin. There was a small setting area which a rather large coffee table. Behind it was a tiny kitchen while the door to the right led to a small hallway that connected to the bedroom and a bathroom. You helped her into the couch and she slowly elevated the leg onto the coffee table. It was then that you noticed she had covered it with some type of temporary medical patch. It did a good job of stopping her blood flow from leaving her body, but it wasn't a permanent fix.

For a moment you disappeared into the bathroom to grab the fully stocked med kit, one designed for far worse injury than she held. When you silently walked back into the room, she was lying back against the couch while her eyes were shut, not asleep, just resting. The clatter of the large med kit alerted her while you sat down next to her. Without asking you started to cut away her pants to give access to the wounds. While the white patches came off with the leathery fabric, the wounds had long since clotted and didn't try to bleed much. Silently you worked to disinfect them. The calibre of the gun hadn't been very high and the holes were rather small. Still, at a later date, she would probably need to be checked properly.

With the amount that she earned, you knew she would get the best treatment. Yet for that moment, you cleaned up the areas before you bandaged her up. Kali's eyes watched you the entire time right until you stood up from the couch. Yet as you went to clean up, her hand grabbed your wrist. "Why?" Did you go back for her? Help her escape? Clean her wounds? Let her live? The implicit questions were loud and clear. You had no reason to, you had all the reason to do the exact opposite in fact.

"I guess I'm just a sucker for a pretty face, Ms Shah." Your voice was quiet, it was less that you wanted to save her and more than you knew you couldn't leave her behind. A pause held the air for a moment before she spoke up again, your answer fully absorbed.

"Kali." You cocked a brow at her voice. "I prefer being called Kali." She yanked on your wrist which caused you to stumble forward, only managing to recover by slapping your hand on the couch next to her head while you hovered above her.

"Kali then." You gave her a single nod while you held her eye contact. A smile found its way onto her face and she hummed in response.

"Much better." Her hand left your wrist to grab hold of your cheek. A gasp left your lips when she pulled you down against her. Your knee came over her leg to support your shift in weight while your lips made contact with yours. She snaked her hand around your waist and seated you properly in her lap. Like an unplugged rush of water, her hands moved quickly full of desire and wanton. Her hands pulled your jacket off and threw it to the ground. Lips a fury against hers, a new battlefield had been created when her tongue slipped into your mouth and the pair of you fought against each other for dominance.

The light bulletproof vest was the first thing she removed, the straps made it easy and it was dumped on the floor next to you. Next came the black shirt that you hand under it and soon too your bra was discarded with them. Now so bare in front of her, her hand spread across your breast like you had to her only an hour or so earlier. Kali pinched your nipple causing you to moan against her lips, effectively losing the war you fought.

The messy bandana in her hair fell out as you buried your nails in her slightly damp hair. Lost in the moment, you allowed yourself to grind down against her. Yet the motion put too much pressure onto her leg and her lips ripped from yours and hissed slightly under her breath. She leaned back, obviously annoyed with her own pain and how it got in the way. Moving slightly upwards, you made sure your weight was no longer on her. A part of you wanted to ask if she was alright, concern written on your face while guilt tapped at the core of your heart. "I don't want to hurt you." You breathed out. With those words, she instantly decided something that had been swirling in her mind the last few hours. She had to have you.

"Join Nighthaven." Her eyes were certain, it wasn't a question.

"I'm in a contract Kali." She laughed at this, a bubbly almost mocking sound.

"Is that what holding you back, sweetheart? Give my lawyers an hour with it and you will be out of it within the end of the day."

"Weezling my way out of a contract isn't a good look for future employers." Your eyes challenged hers.

"You won't ever need any other employer aside from myself." She spoke with complete confidence.

"You sound confident that I wouldn't work for anyone else. What of the conflict of interest?" You gestured in between the pair of you, swallowing slightly as you were made painfully aware of your half-naked state. "Tell me, do you… sleep with all your recruits?"

"Do you pleasure all the people you search?" She smirked at your silence and licked her lips and continued. "We have procedures in place in Nighthaven to avoid bias and compromised decisions. If you disagree with a decision in terms of formal matters you're welcome to submit a request which will be taken very seriously."

"Even against you?"

"An unhappy employee is a bad employee. It's in my best interest to keep everyone happy. Motivated and pushing to improve themselves, yes, but at the end of the day I do look after my men. I'll look after you." The words had two meanings. "After all, you looked after me. It's the least I could do."

"I'm still not giving you the hard drive if that's what you're trying to get." Kali laughed again, this time a far more genuine laugh.

"I'm not going to seduce you for a job." The idea was preposterous to her, sure she manipulated people on the regular but actively making out with someone? None one else deserved the honour, especially not for a job. Kali had the skill to do things a different way. "Surely we can just make a copy? A compromise." She hummed and you let out a sigh of defeat.

"Fine." A grin lit up her face, it was exactly what she wanted to hear.

"Good, after this is over give me a copy of your contract and my lawyers will sort it out all for you." The world after all was one of money, something she had quite the excess of. So when Kali wanted something, she would get it. She would pay the price. Any price to have you.

"The fine was to the compromise, not the job offer." You breathed out.

"You will accept."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because sweetheart, you wouldn't haven't even entertained the thought if you didn't want to do it." Her hand massaged your breast in approval and she leaned forward and placed a kiss on your neck. "Quite simply, you never said no."

[ennaku-sirri-da]

Self care is putting your face in a very soft cat/muppet

( plaintext: Self care is putting your face in a very soft cat/muppet )

Click for better quality!

[ ID: Traditional uncolored fanart of the Smile For Me game involving Dr.Habit, and a habitician sona of the artists friend called Buddy. The style is semi realistic leaning on the cartoony side, with a significant amount of detail.

In the artists AU interpretation Habit has marionette features such as segmented, jointed dark line-cuts around his mouth, hands that are visible. Scarring is seen on hands. He is also fur covered. His face is gaunt and freckled with protruding furry cheeks, then fur-ruffles under his makeup-applied eyes, then a thin pencil stache with surrounding chin hair. His voluminous curly hair poofs out into drawn spiralling curls, from under his big fedora. Habit wears a faux fur-like coat with rougher yet still soft material for teal sleeves. He also sports a long artificial-feather boa holding little flowers. His shoes are long-covering and leathery ribboned heels.

Buddy is a shorter purple catgirl who greatly resembles an upright cat. She is a Russian Blue with a round spotted face, scruffy fur of medium length and very thick eyebrows. Their dark straight hair has a poofy quality to it. They wear a sleeveless dress with a long skirt, complete with socks that end in fuzzy cat's paw patterned flip flops.

Habit joyously links his arms together with his hands, holding Buddy in the embrace. He looks emotional with his eyes closed and a shaky laugh. His boa cloth wraps around his shoulders and drops down, spilling little flowers all around from the effect of him moving, laughing. His long coat trails on the ground, his legs set in an forward-facing position showing the full height of the heels kept close together. Buddy is also laughing with a fallen flower tickling their nose, eyes closed happily and fluffy ears pointing up. A bit of his fangs are seen. He holds his round paws near each other in Habit's grip. Her skirt falls smoothly in a downward way as she fiddles her legs out and about.

Habit is sitting on a large tree trunk that the artist has decorated with clunky yet flowing swirling shapes. In the immediate backdrop behind them is a large apple tree, its roots near them outlined thickly with pencil. The roots are decorated rougher-sketched than the trunk. The top of the tree is filled with many apples and rounded leaves in bunches and bunches. ' Some ' is written incompletely in sketch at the far left. End ID]

--

sOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME....

Actually, no.

Kyaaaaa! * Blasts you with this *

[ ID: The same image as above but edited. It's got a softer more blurred look, and is glazed over with a deep yellow color that shines most at the center, with Buddy and Habit. In variously colored sketchpens of blue, pink, green, red, orange, brown, the lyrics on the far left to Boney M's 'Somewhere In The World' continued, dropping down in lines-

' Somewhere in the world

There is peace of mind

Theres a place for me

In this world

Somewhere in the world

That's what I must find'

A significant distance below these is written

' Time...

Changer of seasons...

Time will see...

Another Flower Blooming. '

There are loose, big blue, pink and brown hearts drawn inside one another, overlapping with trailing tails. They are drawn around Habit and Buddy's faces and in thick oil pastel smaller red hearts emanate from Habit, while blue hearts come from Buddy. End ID]

Talk under the cut! Please read if interested!

Sooo first off Buddy belongs to my very good and very fluffy friend @ prrusten on Twitter and Tumblr!

If I remember right, Buddy( It's a pun! HEHE...a friend...and a 'bud'-- not yet in bloom) was a stressed Habitician who came here in hopes to get cheered after going through a bad spell in her life. One day, she meets a shivering stranger named Rose, who keeps talking about not knowing exactly where he came from or who he is, getting flashes of memories. She decides to provide shelter to this Flower Kid, and they eventually bond to become the best of brothers, being each other's light in their places of the mind. All Will Change, when Rose signs their lost souls up for a place called " The Habitat "....

Habit admires Buddy. Kind like me, to all, he thinks.

Buddy has much more complicated feelings after the overseer of the Habitat's spiral and subsequent attack on her and her friend....pulling out his thorns, cus he's got no teeth!

But they keep trying, again and again,

Rewinding, resetting.

They get it really wrong, one time around. Funeral, sworn to silence, moving on. Rose can't accept it. They get it right, the other times around.

This is that world. This is the world where the cycle was broken. This is where, in a long time, into the unknown, they could be friends....

My brother.. and someone else very dear to Me :" ) (teary smile emote) /platonic

PS: This picture is platonic!!!

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

@elegyofthemoon sent a few numbers from that oc ask meme to answer abt nikolai but since my art side-blog has my old url tumblr sent it there instead fjdklsfjds

1. does your oc have any motifs?

ok so i have some thoughts on this because. my first drafts for nikolai were back in july 2022 (i got into the lore then but didnt start playing for another year) and one of the first videos i remember watching was the teyvat chapter trailer where all the nations are outlined and after seeing lyney & lynette for fontaine i knew i needed to make a circus ringmaster oc (which started my circuscore phase that never ended. i actually made acrylic charms outta nikolai in lil circus outfits) at the time tho we knew NOTHING about fontaine so he was really undeveloped besides from 'son of a fontainian noble family who was sold to a traveling circus because of his physical mutations' so now the main fontaine story is over and done ive had a lot more material to work with and changed his character direction around so some of his existing motifs are: -circus based design/aesthetics -has a very strong moral code & sense of justice in his personal relationships, regardless of any faction loyalties -hates fontaine's corrupt justice system that failed him (though that hatred manifests more towards neuvillette rather than furina, now)

2. describe your character's voice. do they have a voice claim?

i dont do voice claims at all. because i find it rlly hard to imagine how my ocs would talk outside of my mind fjdkslfjd for nikolai its even harder since theres like two different versions of him existing in my head, because he was a lot more unhinged and leaned into the unnerving circus freak identity pre-fontaine but post-archon quest i've been able to develop his backstory & interactions with others further and hes much more mellow & somber. and they both sound Very Different. unhinged cannibal niko still exists in my heart even if its not canon anymore

6. what is the thing your oc likes the least about themselves?

initially, it was 100% his appearance and disability since it led to him caged like an animal to be put on display. but after being let out of the cage & later being taken in by arlecchino, he dislikes how cowardly he feels. unable to even set foot in fontaine and show his face again to face silvaus again. he was originally really angry that silvanus didnt somehow step in and save him but when the other house of hearth members start giving him updates about silvanus' health condition after they nearly worked themself to death while building a case against their parents in court. to make sure nikolai got his justice even though silvanus had no idea if he was dead or alive. he could be angry anymore but uses the 'i dont need to complicate her life after everything she went through for my sake. she deserves closure' excuse to never talk/see her again

7. what is the thing your oc likes the most about themselves?

he knows that hes a good personal with good values, even though he knows the fatui in general have unsavory practices but its a means to an end to make the world a better place. he knows that his values of individual people>group led him to be very good at forming connections will all kinds of people regardless if theyre for or against the fatui. his personal ideals bring value to the fatui so that they can change the world for the better

[maaaxx]

my wips are stressing me out so you guys have to hear about it

or not i dont care

Cots

literally fighting for my life out here with this new wip. I could have the first chapter (???) out in like a few days but like,,, i dont want to do that

but im also not getting any immediate dopamine from this so im having trouble working on it.

Im also scared of having a new audience because like aside from a set few people most of my mutuals know me from ihiap and yall are nice and new people scare me

I even gatekeep ihiap, like if you dont know me from ihiap your not allowed to know about ihiap

a lot more people read that fic than i thought and it stresses me out

off track

i do genuinely think cots is going to be better than ihiap because ive had like two years now to figure out how to interact with fandom and im friends with other writers not and have more of a grasp of my writing style than i did before.

so im really excited about this

but i have enough trouble updating ihiap idk about doing two fics at once

but if i wait until im done with ihiap thatll take like two more fucking years

and ill lose focus

and wont do this fic

again, getting off track.

theres still so much that im not sure about with this fic. Like Zuko I think is the main character

But Sokka is EXTREMELY relevant

so i think im going to split the povs

But theyre at opposite ends of the world at any given time and sokka isnt going to (physically) be doing much.

so im not sure how to approach that

also i have no clue what the fuck kataras doing

like miss girl has two options and what she chooses will DRASTICALLY change the story like SHE controls the plot not me.

Sokka and Zuko are just there for the ride

Azula is also going to be relevant

like the story is about them 4 no one else matters

except aang maybe but like hes actually the avatar in this so thats a given

my first story where aangs the avatar!!!

also outlines are hard

and prologues are hard.

Ill be back with more complaints later

Ihiap

I have a love/hate relationship with ihiap. The characters in it are amazing theyre my favorite people ever. Some might make a cameo in cots, i havent decided yet.

REasons i hate ihiap:

-I accidentally stole half my ocs i talk about this a lot and ive been reassured but im not going to get over it. I hate myself

-Its so badly written like half the time There are some parts that i absolutely love and some that make me want to delete the entire fic. Like ive actually considered it multiple times. I hate it so much, so much second hand embarrassment. Is it second hand embarrassment if I'm the one who wrote it???? -Zuko is so ooc he might as well be an oc

-I dont even know twf azula is doing Azula and Mailee is one of the plot holes that drives me nuts. Because like I wrote Ty Lee into a scene but miss girl is supposed to be in the circus by now. I forgot about that part. Also Theres a certain detail about Azula and MaiLee thats going to be very prevelant near the end of book 3 but i forgot to imply or write that in so thats going to come out of no where. -most major events were impulsive and had no value to the actual plot Examples: That stupid soldier dude, the islands thing. I hate these parts and im going to write them out eventually -PLOT HOLES Reasons why Ihiap is the best piece of literature ever written:

-Relationships and characters

So the thing is despite the fact that theres so many things im bad at doing in writing/havent had enough practice yet, there are things that I know that I am great at writing.

One of these things is delevoping relationships.

I'm really good at making people and relationships very complex and this isnt something that someone can change my mind over, like this is something that i love the way i do it.

This is one of the only redeeming qualities of ihiap.

-I love the plot.

I really want to redo this to do the plot justice because i do think it has potential.

Overall i think that ihiap has more good than bad but the mad really does bother me. If your ever rereading and there seems to be some stuff missing or changed its because im eventually going to go through and edit the shit out of it.

As of now the next chapter (chapter 14) has like 600 words. Chapter 15 has i think 445 and chapter 16 is completely done, chapter 17 had like half a sentence, then were done with twbb.

Chapter 16 is where stuff gets interesting.

Im perfectly aware that TWBB is boring but it was meant to be. I needed it to be for Zuko to not go insane and then also develop Tomnooks relationship (because believe it or not theyre not COMPLETELY self indulgement and they are important) and also Sokka and Katara and Zuko needed that sibling relationship. So i needed like a 17 chapter book in between the two main books for that stuff.

I'm so excited for the next book. Especially like the second half. Its also (most likely) going to be updated a lot more frequently than twbb. Twbb was a pain in the ass because there was very little actual plot and it was just day to day stuff. So i had nothing to go off us.

Like Book 1 was all about the crew and Zuko to kind of learn and build relationships and shit and Book 3 is going to be a lot easier because it has a lot of actual plot and a goal and shit.

Totp

" idk about doing two fics at once" miss girl you already are supposed to be doing two fics at once.

Im not even trying with this fic, if your invested, im sorry. I've thought about deleting it but i decided against it just in case i want to come back to it.

Its not looking good though.

This is what happens when i dont outline my fics

[annhertzz]

I'm writing a script

I have no experience except my dreams so I'm posting every step of the process along the way. This is the outline loosely based on my dream last night.

Let me know what you think or whatever.

Setting:

Earth after alien invasion. Sentients are peaceful and ignore humanity. 9 feet tall, two extremely large muscular arms as primary locomotion, ball body shape (basically a head with arms where the ears would be), significant fraction of body mass is brain, two 18 foot long tentacles from the top of the head (like prehensile pigtails basically) for finer object manipulation, tentacles very thick at the base and slowly taper down to pencil thickness at the end.

Predators are highly dangerous, think deviants from eternals (design will be different but not worked out yet). They have nests, like large masses of flesh fed by predators from which more of them are born. Part of their life cycle.

Surface of the earth is dominated by alien floura and fauna with some earth creatures remaining. For simpler concept earth flora and fauna with the addition of the predators is sufficient.

Alien technology: utility tool is a gemstone that rests on the forehead and is basically magic within a 20 foot radius. Telekinesis and transmutation. Viewed like a smartphone by the aliens. Military technology exists as well. Basically guns with extremely high velocity guided bullets, with payload, 6 foot radius of plasma basics. Battle field will be filled with glassed craters where every bullet lands. Full automatic so thered be trenchs of adjacent craters, a lot of oblong glassified craters that go 2-6 feet deep. Mechs with ablative armor and enhanced deflection as battlefield armor.

Villains story as flashbacks as the protagonists learn more about her. Her telling them about her childhood raised by aliens, them finding files about her arrival, them finding evidence she did something like when she killed a predator and planted its egg to form the hive next the wall by parliment before joining the humans. She goes from arriving to the human colony at the beginning of the story to enslaving the entire free human populace in a couple of months.

Stalking a pregnant predator by footprints and smell. Gemstone on her forehead. She finds it. It faces her, she has a spear goes into a ready stance. It attacks. Basically like a dance fighting it. Kills it with barely scratchs, slicing it open with the killing blow. Pulls the egg out, cutting it loose. Carrying egg with spear on her back. Sees a mammoth. Reaches towards it's head and its skull crushes in an instant and it starts to float. Walks into a hill holding the egg and dragging the floating mammoth by the tail, the earth parting like the red sea and closing most of the way behind her, the cavern around her lit by floating lights. Places the egg against a rock. Flings mammoth to the side. Using a funy shapped telescope like tool to check that it is close to the parliment (will have occationally checked while walking through the forest). Stashes her gear inside the mammoth, taking the scope with her. Crawls out of the narrow dirt opening. Coming out as she arrived in the opening scene of the story, at the spill way covered in alien guts and dirt carrying the scope that would make her rich, she looks enraged and starts to cry.

Story:

Opening scene, the future general arrives, covered in mud and alien guts sobbing and closely followed by predators (maybe a pair of 50 foot caterpillars?). Protagonists scouting the spillway see her and save her life. They are asking her where she came from and how she ended up in the spillway and she can barely string words together. Says she came from the surface and someone says that no one has been on the surface in 30 years and asks how she got there. She says she escaped from the surface.

Cut to like a thing where it's like red tape. Like a temporary housing quarantine area.

She joins the military, quickly becomes a war hero when her squad is wiped out and she "saves" the colony.

She is nominated for general because when interviewed by them she stated a platform that was exactly what they wanted, running her would be good publicity for the military, and she was extremely unlikely to win.

After the nomination she runs on a platform of increasing democracy with out decreasing security. "We deserve a new world, humanity is ready for democracy again." Wording will come pretty much directly from a conversation with the researcher protagonist, and it will be the platform she runs on, pretty much exactly what that protagonist wants for the human colony. What the people in general want and the military does not want.

Villain is almost assassinated by the military and the protagonists save her life again. Almost assassinated because they cannot recind the nomination and it looks like she is going to be elected with a platform that they consider a "security threat".

The child alien visits the protagonists that saved villain to thank them. Should feel like the archangel gabriel telling mary she's knocked up except it is an alien thanking them for saving her child and begging them to help free the humans still in captivity in the alien colony. She will give them a gift to help them do it. Haven't figured out what the gift is yet. She will also be preparing the humans in captivity for a revolt, and she needs help from the free humans.

Secondary villain behind the assassination as the incumbant general who has been serving the role for decades?

Villain becomes the new general, massive restructuring of the society, cutting out corruption, increasing funding to alien research, reverse engineered alien tech in people's homes, economy is booming everyone is happy. Military spending increases, but huge cuts noticed by military in the spillway, majority of funding is going into a specific project that is extremely secretive. Equipment development.

Journalist side character from earlier in the story becomes part of parliment because of fame from association with the villain. Key to the villain finding out about the corruption, villain handles corruption in a very heavy handed way. Journalist is trying to find out what is happening with the secretive project because it looks like it might be corruption but villain insists that she focus on other specific cases she's looking at instead.

Protagonists find the hive, close to the city walls, high risk of them coming down the spillway. By the time the find it, it's a yellow level threat. They report it even though they are being told not to report it because discovering new threats is the military's job.

Security level set to yellow and restrictions put in place along with extensive military mobilization which is abnormally secretive.

Protagonists along with journalist pulling threads about why the hive was not detected sooner and what is happening in the secretive project.

Result of pulling threads is they find out the villain is behind everything (forged credentials behind everything maybe so they find out it's the villain in a single blow, forged credentials fit the story but is over used so find alternative). Rushing to parliment to tell journalist character because she would be able to fix things from the political side (set her and villain up as primary hopes for dealing with whatever is happening through the rooting out corruption arc, audience should believe that journalist can fix everything with this one piece of information).

Explosion as they are entering parliment. As soon as they reach journalist she is killed by one in front of them. Predators swarming the streets. They barely escape alive. As soon as it seems like they are safe there is a broadcast about the attack calling the protagonists enemies of the people with footage of them planting explosives on the wall with an pair of adult sentients.

The colony goes on red alert.

Scout is captured, everyone in jail is conscripted. Mind wiped as soon as the armor is on, running drills or something to adjust to the psychological changes.

Researcher steals gemstone she was working on and plants it in her skull in a hapazard version of a surgery she had purposed as the only way to connect fully for a human.

Researcher uses her new clumbsy control of the utility stone to kidnap the scout and experiment on bringing his mind back.

So basically all of humanity is enslaved and we'll get a subplot here demonstating how extensively they are enslaved by the villain. Something like three days where researcher and scout are basically dead and villain is preparing her army.

The Villain goes to war with the aliens and as she starts the child alien appears in front of her and her army. Alien child is trying to talk her out of genocide and telling her the people need her, and they need freedom. The slaves will die in the cross fire with her current plan. Her soldiers are enslaved. Villain says something like "I will kill every last human if it is necessary to wipe your species out." Villain kills the child alien with a spear. The child does not resist. Villain might get angry because she was expecting a fight and asks why the child came just to die. And the child says something like "they will remember."

She weeps and rises above her army and marches on the aliens massacering them.

Researcher and scout use the gift to free the slaves and the slaves help them free the soldiers. Researcher and scout have a showdown with the villain in the concaphony of their plans clashing and the villain dies somehow.

Researcher and scout kiss, roll credits.

[limelocked]

every time i watch an anime now where the character is transported into a game i just think about roa my beloved hellspawn 

like roa as a game is just fight 100 levels and defeat the boss at the top, live happily ever after

but roa is also an sao clone which means that a million people are stuck in a game with uncertain willingness to die for the cause of escaping

like the main story i have outlines is obviously sho to keiki but sho is also the mentor to The Hero and was believed to be the hero himself until he had a mental breakdown and had to retire

like i keep thinking about the political landscape of guilds made by players and the reactions of legitimate nobility within the NPCs, i had set as a timeline for myself that roa would be cleared before it reached 10 years because im also thinking about how long the outside world would be willing to support 1 mil people spread unequally over the world but i keep thinking about how thats so little time in a game where your life is at risk and so little time realistically to explore fun topics like large scale territory disputes of nobility and quasi nobility not named by the crown but recognized as such due to being players and being Very powerful

i want to write so much for rise of aeolia but the executive is disfunctioning and theres so many things i want to write about that its overwhelming aaaa

[awesomehoggirl]

OMFFG ok i foudn this and i know its only november but heres my updatez

i did this :3 but it has gotten too cold so i joined the regular gym and i have an induction tomorrow im excited!!

did this successfully :D

didnt finish it but put it on the backburner and finished a lot of other stuff

i did not write a play, became uninterested in plays. i wrote some very short fake screenplays though

i did not publish any poetry except for on the internet because i got into short stories and was focused on writing those instead

i havent done this yet D: still shy but i set a reminder to sign up for the december issue and im really really really gonna try and do it. i started a fucking radio show though so theres that LOL

i started meds for The Fear and i feel loads better :)

when was i ever doing this? i love to respond

i stay pestering LOL literally just kicked 2 people out of the group project we were assigned bc they werent showing up

have not handed in a single one late!!! and i got a really great overall final grade for my first year :)

i kept tutoring and also started volunteering at a local theatre doing bar, cafe and steward work! hoping to do some more bar and cafe work over xmas in my hometown

i definitely wrote more! read a few new books too but scrolling is still suuuch a problem ewww

i got really good at doing this. 'stay in your own lane' has become my actual mantra LOL. i had a terrible moment of my ocd getting really bad again in september so it hasnt been linear but ive gotten over that hill again. i have confidence in myself and my own mind and direction, and i trust my own values and judgement. this has been incredibly helpful for me

this last one... another mantra. remembering this has been so so important. i just started a journal where i revisit my week every sunday and outline a few points of gratitude and a few lessons (rather than high points and low points) and it's helped me to consider life's ups and downs in the long run, especially as a major overthinker

i know the year's not over yet and it's only november but i'm really in a much, much better place than i was this time last year. everything is far from perfect but i'm motivated, i'm organised, i have my shit together, my grades are good, i'm eating balanced food and exercising, i have an awesome new group of friends, i have my radio show, i'm talking to someone (wowww) and i feel i have an actual place in my community. i'm really happy with my appearance and my personal style. my writing has improved so much and i've gotten some lifechanging feedback and wonderful praise from one of my new professors. Basically I'm fucking balling

yk what. i never made smaller new years resolutions just one big one so here are my small ones for the books

- start swimming once or twice a week again

- fix my sleep schedule (urgent)

- finish the thing im writing which is sucking up a lot of time

- write a new play

- publish some poetry

- write an article for the newspaper STOP being shy

- get over the Fear and book further therapy

- stop airing peoples messages

- pester my professors more

- turn in all my assignments at least one day before the deadline

- get a job. it can be tutoring if i cant find any but preferably something that requires working with other people and going outside

- scroll less. read and write more

- stop caring about what other people are doing. stop judging my life by other peoples standards. they are not me we are different entirely there is no crime in taking a different path in life

- stop stressing so much over mistakes and make an effort to a. always learn from them b. make better art because of them