#theres no focus on the knights here but if you know me you know how angry i am about s4 and s5 gwaine at all times

[bisclavret]

like many who have suffered at the hands of bbc merlin before me, i recently indulged in a thought experiment in which i outlined my own version of seasons 3-5 that stay thematically and tonally in line with the show (except they're less fucking stupid). but then i quickly realized that focusing on details is pointless: all you need is to solve the one Big Problem the show has, and the rest will follow. the problem in question? ✨morgana✨

i like the first two seasons. s1 achieves what it sets out to do and has fun while doing it, and s2, while flawed, sets up a ton of potential that the following seasons unfortunately squander, beginning with the insidious season 3. you can only distract me with cute knights and goblins and fart jokes for so long before i start seeing through you, evil, evil season of television.

my hypothesis is that if the writers had crafted s3 morgana into anything more sympathetic than a violent half-alive poltergeist that can never be reasoned with because she's suddenly terminally off her rocker, everything would've fallen into place. a sympathetic morgana would've made real, valid arguments against uther (and arthur) that wouldn't just be the ramblings of a woman possessed. her betrayal of arthur would have stemmed from her feeling increasingly morally superior to him because of his complacency in the face of their father's tyranny. under morgause's guidance she would stop believing that arthur is capable of change, and the whole point would be that she might actually be right. arthur would have to actively try and prove her wrong, instead of getting praised for doing the bare minimum because the bar is on the floor.

furthermore, morgana's prophetic dream about arthur and gwen becoming king and queen and her decision to prevent this however she can is a direct parallel to merlin learning about that same prophecy and making it happen by any means necessary. merlin's desires about his and arthur's futures are subtextually fueled by gay love and devotion, so why couldn't morgana's be? why couldn't she properly express her bitterness that arthur gets to be with gwen in a way she can't "took gwen away" from her, instead of suddenly declaring that gwen is nothing more than a servant, after two seasons of demonstrating again and again that she loves, values, and respects gwen more than anyone else in that godforsaken castle?

following this, an angry and emotionally volatile but still sensible morgana asking gwen to stay by her side during the coup of the castle in the s3 finale and gwen going behind her back to help arthur and the knights would've hurt like a bitch. double-sided betrayal! gwen having a real plot! the proper beginnings of a toxic yuri that would shape a generation!

then there's the utter hubris of having morgana shoot arrows at the same civilians she worried herself sick over for 2 seasons — even morgan, her medieval counterpart that was rooted in every sexist trope in existence, doesn't just go around killing senselessly but instead has (often petty!) personal vendettas against gwen, arthur, and the knights. morgana had every right to be sick of the pretensions around chivalry in camelot (she was always quick to mock it, even in s1), and to lash out at the knights and soldiers after years of feeling powerless in a castle full of armed men that blindly followed her oppressor. the show conveniently forgets that morgana was victimized as a woman as well as a sorcerer those first 2 seasons.

but like i said, this is not just about morgana. allowing her to remain a real and multifaceted character even as she betrays everyone in pursuit of her ambitions would've given the rest of the core four more interesting conflict to work with: merlin because he would have to experience real consequences to his actions, arthur because he would watch his sister go against his father (and his knights, and his birthright) and experience some actual internal dilemmas about it, and gwen because she would be forced to choose between morgana and arthur without the pretense that it's an obvious or easy choice for her to make.

even morgause and gaius would come off more interesting as mentors: neither one inherently evil or inherently good, both jaded by events that happened before our protagonists were even born, both heavily influencing morgana and merlin into fulfilling roles that they think are appropriate, but that morgana and merlin may not have chosen for themselves had they not been under their care.

you get the gist. if the show followed its own setup, morgana's mistakes wouldn't lie in cheap and senseless acts of violence but in alienating the people she loves because she is too hurt and jaded to trust them. meanwhile, everybody else would feel guilt over "failing" her and yet they would be too caught up in their own (sometimes flawed!) beliefs of right and wrong to truly see her point of view.

arthur would convince himself it was sorcery that corrupted her. merlin would know that isn't true but he wouldn't be able to argue without confessing everything, which is the defining conflict between him and morgana and it's cheapened when she's just an evil witch caricature and merlin is framed as inherently virtuous in contrast. gwen, too, would become a more active participant in her own life by choosing arthur over morgana and choosing to rule camelot with him instead of just waiting politely to see where things go.

and, of course, uther's downfall and death would be quick, final, and completely earned — when and why did the show even decide he of all people was the sympathetic villain, anyway?

lastly, and perhaps controversially, i think morgana should've learned merlin's true identity by season 4. her being the first of the main characters to find out makes perfect sense considering their shared history and their interconnected and mirrored arcs. even the show seems to agree, considering she does find out a little before arthur. but the narrative itself tried pointing flashing neon arrows towards this way earlier — there is a whole entire episode in s4 where merlin being emrys is repeatedly spelled out for morgana and she still isn't allowed to see it. that episode makes her look like the stupidest person to ever live, which is pretty funny im not gonna lie, but also another frustrating thing in the endless string of frustrating things that make up this show.

morgana learning that merlin has magic would've transformed the source of merlin's anxiety from a crippling fear of being outed someday to the crippling fear of knowing she could out him at any moment. this would make him want to beat her to the punch (perhaps he'd consider killing her for a minute and decide against it because she isn't a cartoonishly insane evil person in my version of events) and maybe he would even feel some tentative excitement at the idea of coming clean, now that it seems inevitable. after all, he always intended to tell arthur eventually! and i think gaius would have to admit outright that he does not want merlin to tell arthur he has magic because he, gaius, simply cannot risk such a gamble. it would be so interesting to see gaius and merlin clash and disagree once it becomes obvious that it's not merlin that isn't ready for the reveal, it's gaius. delicious!

with morgana's knowledge looming, things would inevitably spiral into a magic reveal by the end of season 4. i picture this season as an absolute mess of miscommunication between everyone at camelot, which is, y'know, canon. growing increasingly cunning and vengeful, morgana would use this tension to her advantage, destabilizing the court from the outside while she creates alliances with other sorcerers outside of camelot (instead of living alone in a hovel for no reason — morgana le fay i'm sorry i'm so sorry they gave you agravaine instead of your all-female entourage oh my god).

and here's where the events would change beyond recognition (aka here's where the meta becomes the fanfic i refuse to write). picture it with me: a militia of sorcerers infiltrates camelot and arthur and gwen have to set aside their differences (assuming gwen kissing lancelot and arthur overreacting happens, which it should) for the good of the kingdom as well as for love. picture high priestess morgana in her element, side by side with a bunch of misfit sorcerers that aren't so easily vilified, chopping down camelot's soldiers and knights and assuredly making their way to the newly-minted king.

then, just as it starts to seem that all hope is lost, in swoops merlin (the actual merlin, not his old fart disguise) on dragonback (kilgharrah hates morgana so much i know his sexist ass would stoop to anything to stop her)!!! imagine merlin showing off the extent of his powers in front of everyone and preventing the sorcerers from getting any further, declaring loud and clear that camelot is protected by him, by emrys. imagine that display of power alone being enough to send everyone home.

imagine the loyalties clearly drawn: merlin on arthur's side, morgana on the sorcerers'. imagine arthur, feeling confused and betrayed by everyone at this point, banishing merlin despite everything he's done for him in the angstiest, most emotionally dysregulated scene the show had ever put to screen. imagine merlin starting season 5 free at last but very lonesome, an embittered dragonlord like his father. imagine the absolute mess camelot would become without him, even with gwen — now queen guinevere — there to pick up the slack. imagine arthur actually earning merlin back, finally growing into his role as king as he does so. imagine the reunion.

all this and more could've been not just possible but inevitable if morgana was allowed to remain a complex character that is neither inherently good nor inherently evil: it was undeniably the biased and one-note treatment of morgana's downfall by the writers that set the precedent for literally everything else that happened after merlin chose to poison her. the show wouldn't have even had to jeopardize its tone or the monster-of-the-week vibe, all it would've had to do is admit that even the "good guys" are capable of mistakes and what makes them good is the ability to feel remorse and change for the better. (as opposed to uther, who was miles beyond redemption since way before the pilot and deserved to lose everything and die alone. OBVIOUSLY???)

in a world where morgana remains multifaceted and sympathetic, mordred would get a better arc as well, so if we really wanted to, we could still end on the same tragic note that the show ended on. with so much harm inflicted onto so many innocent people by the pendragons for so long (including mordred and the many druids and sorcerers that raised him), it could realistically end up being a little too late for anything more than one shining glimpse of king arthur and the sorcerer merlin's short-lived golden age before fate catches up to them. glimpsing that reality just to immediately lose it would've been far more satisfying and far more tragic than whatever the writers thought they were doing with all that pointless carrot-dangling.

and finally, an ending in line with morgana's new and improved arc. in this version, rather than bleeding out on the forest floor alone, she would channel the morgan le fay we know from the legends: sobered up by the reality of her brother dying, she would use her high priestess status (and perhaps also her pendragon status) to be granted passage over to avalon alongside arthur on the boat — a one-way ride — just to make sure he gets there safely. this is her penance for the harm she has caused, the same way arthur's penance is to die and leave the true ruler of camelot (gwen) behind to achieve everything he was too slow and indecisive to build while he still had time.

merlin's penance, then, would be to stay behind and watch them cross over without him, waiting and waiting and waiting until they come back or until he can finally join them. which is a bit fucking harsh if i'm honest, so i'd at least make it slightly more faithful to the legends by having him return as an old man and letting him take a long nap under a tree by the shore, his body slowly enveloped by vines like the cobwebbed fisher king in 3x08, never fully sure if he's dreaming or if there really are strange shapes fading in and out of the fog over the lake. still tragic, but nevertheless a little more open-ended and whimsical than [TRUCK NOISES] THE END!

[fairytaehl]

lgief rewatch ep. 4

woooooo ep 4! but only part of it because i already did the festival aspect. i might revisit it and the ep 5 ones at some point but we'll see.

if youd like to discuss lgief, feel free to send me asks, chats, or reply to any of these posts.

ep 1 / ep 2 / ep 3 / ep 4 pre-festival / ep 4 festival / ep 5, 5 part 2 / ep 6 / ep 7 / ep 8 / ep 9 / ep 10

yao taking responsibility for burning the map to protect everyone, but certainly, mostly, ziqi, was incredibly kind. she did not have to do that, but i think for her own peace of mind, she couldnt let it go on any longer. she feels like what ziqi does falls on her, so if she let him act out, itd be her fault, in her mind.

ziqi of course saying "thats not possible" hmmmmmmmm yeah it isnt. it sure isnt. guess it didnt work out the way you wanted, right? definitely one of his lowest moments in the show, but theres only going up from here.

shooing everyone off to probably have time to think, only for ziqi to be in her room later. im sure he wanted to give her something to eat or drink, and im sure she couldnt say no, and im sure she probably just wanted to not focus on it anymore and move on.

but ziqi bringing it up like that, even after clearly thinking about whether or not he wants to… dude. give it a rest. you cannot implicate them.

"dont you know why im not pursing it?" while glancing at him in the mirror… and you can tell he doesnt like her tone, doesnt like that something is being insinuated here. like, why would i know? why do you think i would know? well…

fuuuuuck. when i first saw this i knew shit was gonna go down. she didnt even hesitate, outright accusation. and on first watch i didnt really take in his hesitation. but he looks away, and i think hes deciding, "do i defend myself or not? do i act like i did it or not?" before ultimately trying to not make himself be seen in a bad light by yao.

and he shoots himself in the foot with it, too.

because now yao is outlining the possibilities between the only three options, and his dumb ass did not consider that fuyi wasnt around, and didnt know she had it (supposedly, though we know that isnt true, but in yaos view thats how shes deducing it), and miaomiao is an outsider, so what would she know? yes, we know it was miaomiao, but this is all about how yao came to this conclusion, which ziqi did not put himself in her shoes to understand before creating this circus show.

i appreciate ziqi being forward in owning up to not wanting her to search for the resentful woman because he doesnt want her to get hurt. yao? not so much, probably because she already knows this so it isnt news, but also since its HER JOB. its her final goal, basically. you fucked her over by doing this, and thats why shes pissed.

"none of this is important and you dont care" and he says uh, yeah, i literally give no fucks about ANYONE in this world but you, which is nuts because why the fuck are you a demon catcher? actually, thats probably why youre a low rank demon catcher, because fuyi and yao do all the fucking work because you. dont. care. you step in to help only her when necessary, and other people who benefit from it are just in the right place at the right time. thinking about this makes me so mad. i get, youre tied to her, thats your sister, this is your upbringing which you dont even know how you ended up there. but be serious? you learned how to be a demon catcher, a selfless, righteous job, but just to be your sisters knight in shining armor when needed. you shouldnt even have this title if thats how you feel. UGH. asshole. and while im not happy with what yao says, i understand why shes livid that his response is "your enemies are my enemies" after saying OTHER LIVING BEINGS have nothing to do with him. THIS. IS. YOUR. JOB.

also! YOU MAKE MORE ENEMIES THAN SHE HAS.

fully reblogged version linked here

[arkiwii]

well, since i can't really draw or write Arknights stuff because I'm really charged this month, but the brainrot is still very strong, i decided to do a tierlist of my favorite operators!

explanations below the cut

i don't count alters on this tierlist, when I put a character I consider it's them + their alter version; the choice of if I picked the alter or not for the vignette is only based on aesthetic choices, really. also for comprehensive reasons, i tried to put all the related characters next to each other (like how the abyssal hunters are all next to each other)

My most beloved precious blorbos: this one speaks for itself, honestly. operators i absolutely love, that i think about almost on a daily basis, no minded doodles every so often, writing ideas poping up in my mind, big wall of text about how much i like them, autistic thoughts, you know the kind. i just love them very much, simply. originally, saria and ifrit were in the tier just below, since i considered that since i have silence as my favorite character, i did not need to also put them, but i learnt to love them individually rather than for what they represent to silence

Big smooch on their forehead: characters that i know very well the story of, and that I'm really attached! not to the point of being my all times favorites, but who spoke to me to a personal level, or that i used a lot in early game/still use today. i love to read about them and would love to draw or write more about them! justice knight is here as a honorary member

I think they're neat!: i don't know them that well, but i followed them in events, or did a bit of research about them for a reason or another, or simply one of my friends like them! and i do think they're neat, pretty interesting, not the kind i'd be absolutely attached to but i enjoy seeing them regardless :]

I would like to know more about them: feat Abyssal Hunters, the Nearls and Gavial's crew. they are characters i know a little bit about them or they are related to a character i love, but i got too lazy to read their event and files because it's too complicated, or too long, or whatever. but they are characters i know enough about to know i'll appreciate them! so im interested in knowing more about them

Here goes all the other operators, aka "I don't care or I forgot you exist": well, the tier's name once again speaks for itself. theres a ton of characters in that game, and I can't focus on every of them, especially when i started not that long ago. there's a lot that i genuinely just forget about, some that i know the story but i dont care that much to know more, and a few that i do wish to know more about! but not as much interesting as the tier above, so not my priority

I hate you /pos: (i ran out of colors) annoying ass characters with a shitty personalities but they're fun for the memes and i use them regardless (except tequila cause mlynar exists). not like actual hate, mostly affectionate hate, you know, like how you call your cat "stinky", but you still love your cat regardless. fact, at first i was genuinely uncomfortable with lappland, but then with il siracusano i started to feel better with her

I hate you /neg: characters i despise either for game reason or because their smug aura mocks me. phantom is because fuck him in is2 and his story is ehhh to me. gravel is because this character is seriously uncomfortable, for the love of god can you act normal, and i wouldn't mind her if she wasn't guaranteed with every fast redeploy tag. harmonie and ho'olheyak are just smug bitches. and ethan i just have a hate experience because i dont like using him and his voice + the music playing when he appears makes me so anger

Brother you can just die: Silverash tier. fuck you silverash. i don't like his face, i dont like using him, and i did not followed break the ice but i heard enough bullshit about him to know he's a terrible person. i hope i never roll him

[notladylikes]

her fists pound against the door, much to no avail. how long has she been down here? hours? days? grace knows no semblance of time, cannot feel the warmth of the sun on her face, instead it is cold and damp, and shivers work their way across her spine. she collapses into a pile of filth in the corner, rags and a makeshift blanket, chest heavy with sobs as they work their way through her ribcage and escape out a mouth that could seem like an endless supply of sorrow.

for she weeps, and she does not stop.

sleep finds her eventually, body exhausted with this newfound routine that she's been thrust into. it's times like these when she can escape the madness that is her life and enter the dreamscape, an altogether wonderful place full of magic and light and anything that's not her harsh day to day reality.

she pauses. can she focus herself enough to contact henrietta? the thought never crossed her mind once more, but memories resurfacing of her older sister, bright blue eyes and a tangled mess of curls, she feels like she might be able to call upon her in her hour of need. whenever she's needed a knight in shining armor before, henrietta has been her prince charming to the rescue.

"henrietta."

she says aloud, takes a breath, and focuses. her body is still asleep, but her mind, it wanders.

"henrietta,"

she says again, this time with a more forceful tone, and she can feel the inner workings of something fantastical spreading throughout the space she finds herself in. a flash of something, like color across the front of her eyes, and she's there.

henrietta looks tired, to say the least, exhausted at best. she scribbles into a book, paces back and forth, but does not notice the image in the corner. does not reach out. grace feels like a lost tether to reality, searching for something that will never come, but she has to try. because if she gives up, that's the end of things, and grace was not a quitter.

"etta!"

she calls, and it causes a shift in the opposite brunette's shoulders, the slump of a back straightened as she turns. the look on her face is one of misery - and then mystery, like a shocked expression, an arched brow. 

"grace?" 

confusion sets in across etta's features, and grace can feel something tugging her out of this existence and back into her own. it's hungry, volatile, ready to swallow her whole.

"etta you have to help me,"

she cries out, tears beginning to stream down soft cheeks, staining the skin in their wake. henrietta focuses, reaches out her fingers as if to touch, to feel the wamrth of her sister's skin against her own, to remind her that she's here, and alive, and that this isn't a dream. but like wisps of smoke, the image flickers, and grace can feel herself shunted from the dream.

she sits up gasping for air, desperate to fill her lungs with the oxygen lost, and theres something cavernous in her chest, a heavy weight upon her shoulders.

it has begun.

will the sacrificial lamb make it to the slaughter? or will her knight in shining armor get to her in time?

[aspiring-house-husband]

oh, you’ve found a sword, my love? how interesting. well, this is a cave of treasures, after all. i have very interesting things here.

theres no way it has your name on it- oh. well, that’s interesting. you do have a common name, it may be a coincidence.

an adventurer? no, i think i’d remember if you were an adventurer, love. youve always been my little lover, as long as you can remember, haven’t you?

although, i suppose it’s a story i may have heard before. a brave young knight coming to slay the dragonling. they never expect us to be so beautiful, or so alluring.

shh, darling, no need to get upset. listen to my voice, see the pretty colors in my eyes? that’s it. you’ve never been a knight, this sword belonged to someone else. you’re happy here, loving me and feeling my warm dragon cock inside you. that’s home, isn’t it?

there you go, beautiful. come, let me dry your tears. i know what’ll make you feel better, my love. how about you sit on my cock while we read today? i know it’ll make your brain go fuzzy, so i’ll read to you rather than have you try to focus your eyes on the words.

perfect, my love. see? your body was made to take my massive, throbbing cock, and made to feel the fire of my cum inside you. how could you have ever been an adventurer when this fits so perfectly?

[syubub]

What makes BTS most vulnerable

Woo! A reading! I wanted to do this bc its been on my list for a little while now!

I just got off work and wanted to do this asap! Pls forgive mistakes! I'm not gonna proof read bc im lazy.

Cheeky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!!

So so so so

First off, I did each member and also one for the group! I didn't have a specific plan in mind when I started, so I just went with the flow!

Let's start with the group first

So. The 5 of pentacles is what makes them most vulnerable. This card talks about isolation, feeling lost, anxiety, not having money or influence. Most of all, a mindset of lack.

All of this to me makes me think that what makes them most vulnerable is the fear of being right back where they started. Feeling exiled from the industry, not having the funds to be sure of a stable future and also not having a strong sense of identity as a group and within the group. It's like their vulnerability comes from something almost like ptsd? Let me try to make that make more sense. I genuinely think that where they started and the uncertainty and constant ridicule really had an impact on them. The vulnerability they have as a group is essentially emotional distress? Like, I wish I had better words to explain. It's the fear that they haven't actually grown or gotten anywhere and that they are insignificant that is their vulnerability. Fear based on where they started?

I really hope that made sense. Moving on though, 7 of swords is how it manifests for them. This card is sneaky. It talks about getting away with something and betrayal but I think this meaning is the most relevant: strategic moves. So how their vulnerability manifests is that the fear that they have causes them (and the company) to make very specific moves to keep their fears from happening. It's like, they take steps to make sure their fears don't get realized. Career wise but also personally. They can sometimes force growth because they fear stagnation. Kinda like rolling something uphill? Once it loses momentum it starts rolling back down.

The other two cards, Wellness and busy times and multitasking, are what they can do to lessen that vulnerability. Keeping healthy in mind body and spirit (also keeping the group bond healthy too) as well as channeling their emotions and fears into productivity. (Think the ly:tear album)

Seokjin

This is really intresting. So, what makes him most vulnerable is repressed emotion that causes inner turmoil. The moon is all about your insides and the vastness it has. In its reverse it talks about the darker parts of your subconscious. So, him bottling shit up and repressing it becomes a monster that affects him without him even necessarily knowing.

As for how that manifest in his life, it literally affects his judgment. Like, literally. It messes with his decision making.

As a fellow human with a similar problem, I can almost bet that any issue he has with another member will be shoved away and it will fester until he's at his breaking point and he'll absolutely weaponize it but disguise it as "just poking fun" or he might also purposefully create low level chaos. It's really intresting because this could manifest in so many ways. It could be his insecurities, issues with other people, fears ect and they fester in his brain space fucking with his judgment.

What he can do to lessen this vulnerability is deep emotional healing. Istg these cards are too perfect to make up. He needs to do THE WORK and heal it. He probably recognizes this and is working on it. Its not fair to himself to put himself aside in order to put other people first. (I think this probably happened a lot in the early bts days bc he had to be an older brother and a responsible figure to 6 other kids so he prioritized group harmony over his own issues and emotions)

Yoongi

????

Um, okay. So what makes yoongi most vulnerable is the dark side of wealth. That's the 10 of pentacles rev. But it gets interesting bc the 10 of swords isn't what makes him vulnerable but it also isn't how it manifests?? So here's my theory time. What makes him most vulnerable is the dark side of wealth. I can only assume that it's the isolation and internal conflict of benefiting off of a system that fucked you over in the first half of your life and also feeling bad for having wealth that most people can never imagine? I really don't know? But with the 10 of swords talking about betrayal and deep wounds, it could be that he's extremely afraid of being taken advantage of? Like, that's another downside of wealth. Maybe people have tried to use him for money or influence? Especially in his personal life. Like, he probably finds it extremely hard to get close to people because he's afraid of betrayal over something that is already hard for him to deal with?

Also loss. He wasn't born rich. He worked his ass off to get what he has and he's probably afraid to lose it. He might "stash" money?

Anyway, knight of swords, how it manifests. This card is about a drive to succeed. So essentially this makes him run and push himself hard and harder and harder to out run what he sees as an inevitable end? Sometimes this can blind him.

As for what he can do to lessen this vulnerability, we have, self confidence through God confidence. This card to me talks about having faith in your actions and skills and trusting in yourself even if you doubt your ability. Essentially, yoongi just needs to trust in himself to land on his feet no matter what happens. Life is always uncertain so he needs to trust that he can weather any storm he might face.

Hoseok

This was one gave me some thoughts. So, similar to jin, it's the bottling shit up and having you subconscious mind eventually figure shit out because it's been neglected but with the 2 of swords in reverse, talking about confusion and being indecisive, I think this kinda causes him to shut down? He might get apathetic. It's almost like when you work a computer so hard that it crashes.

And how this manifests for him with the 3 of pentacles in reverse is that he gets thrown out of alignment with the group. Kinda like how you shouldn't drive on a flat tire. He withdraws and becomes hard to reach and puts up a wall that causes a lot of problems for him as well as those he is around. It's a defense mechanism. It can also manifest in him preferring to work alone as well instead of group settings.

This exposes him to depression and doubt.

Also similar to jin, for how to lessen this vulnerability we have Bless your heart with talks about reaching out (breaking down that wall) and healing your heart and healing the root issue.

Namjoon

Okay. This is the one that makes so much sense but also confuses me.

So. What makes him most vulnerable is the magician rev and 10 of cups. Unrealized potential and poor planning as well as love, harmony and alignment.

So.... what? How does love and the happiest happiness make him vulnerable?

Well, I think he's suspicious of it. I think that he can't help but wonder in his big big big brain if THIS is the right happy or if its really happiness at all? Almost like commitment issues but also not? It's like, he's afraid that it won't last? He might have trouble fully allowing himself happiness. Also, what makes him the most vulnerable is love. It opens up every bit of his soul and puts it on a laundry line for everyone to see and I don't think he thinks he's worthy enough to be seen like that?

As for how it manifests in his life, 9 of cups, personal fulfillment and a strive to have everything else in hislife sorted out? Essentially wanting to have a perfect foundation so eventually he can share with all the important people in his life.

As for what he can do. Value your self worth. pretty straight up. He needs to value himself more. He deserve love and he deserves to feel seen even if it's uncomfortable at first.

Jimin

Oki. What makes jimin most vulnerable is choice. The 7 of cups talks about focusing on what's best for you and making choices based not on illusion. I think jimin is plagued by unrealistic expectations and confronting the fact that it's not possible is what makes him most vulnerable. He makes choices that are driven by illusion. Usually about self. I think specifically about how he doesn't always see how good he already is so he pushes himself to chase after something that isn't always right for him or even there in the first place. Acknowledging and facing it brings vulnerability that he doesn't always want to face. I think he might equate vulnerability to powerlessness.

How it manifests. 9 of wands rev. Paranoia and being defensive. It's his own fear and insecurities manifesting outside of himself.

As for what he can do, passion and purpose and multifaceted. Focus on what is close to his heart and don't get side tracked. Theres so much more to this situation and there isn't an easy fix. There's a lot of things that need working on in order for him to feel comfortable.

Taehyung

Oki oki oki. What makes Tae most vulnerable is strength rev. Raw emotion. He doesn't always express his emotions and when he chooses to be more open, his emotions go through a bit of a filter. Showing his unfiltered emotions makes him most vulnerable because it's him as he is. In his truest form. It's all of his wants, joys, fears. Everything.

As for how it manifests, 10 of wands and Hanged man, it becomes a burden that he carries because he feels like he can't just be honest. He pauses and allows himself time to feel on his own but that means possibly being misunderstood and a bit isolated.

Now. What can he do to lessen it? Bless your heart and healthy communication in relationships. TALKING TO PEOPLE AND ALLOWING HIMSELF THAT VULNERABILITY. It's not bad to be vulnerable. Heal that shit bb bc you are worth it.

Jungkook

So, what makes him most vulnerable? The world in rev. Not having closure and seeking it. The process of seeking closure for himself about things that could have or putting to rest something that has come full circle. It brings vulnerability because he has to face things that he could have done better. He has to face things coming to a close and be okay with is.

How it manifests, the tower, ace of cups, 5 of cups reversed.

The tower is essentially everything crumbling down. I think jk thinks too much? If you follow a ball of yarn all the way to the end then you just unraveled a whole ass ball of yarn.

Him going to close those things cause him to unravel his foundation.

With the ace of cups, creativity and love/ new emotions, I think him taking the time to pursue personal closure helps him to be more open to love as well as giving him creative fuel.

The 5 of cups rev. Means that him doing this closure thing helps him to forgive himself bc he's taking time to move on and tie up loose ends?

For jk this closure thing manifests in every aspect of his like and I almost see it as him shedding? Sounds weird but he's consciously moving on and paying attention to what he needs?

As for what he can do? Deep emotional healing! He runs the risk of feeling more of the tower manifestation so he needs to keep himself emotionally healthy in order for this to be productive instead of destructive!

~~~~~~~

I hope y'all like this! I feel like the cards didn't always follow what I was kinda going for with my questions but it all works out in the end I guess?

My next reading will be up later this week (I've already done it and taken all of my notes. I just have to type it all out) so look foward to that as well!

[daedalusdavinci]

ok im gonna answer this and then im gonna go to bed but my beloved @dubiousfruitsalad has requested one of those journal things and im going to try and deliver

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

you know for a while i actually wanted to write a sequel to tactical retreat (which, for those who dont know, is a medievalstuck dvekat fic where karkat is a knight and dave is a farmer who inspires him to leave his traumatic job and accept that his dream has changed over the years and tbh i think its still pretty well written i just reread it recently and i really had so many genius comedic moments w that fic tbh sollux is ICONIC but thats neither here nor there (read my fic))

in the first chapter i introduced a character named dave, nicknamed "crow", who was another knight who worked with karkat and frequently had guard duty watching over the prince, john. this was supposed to be davesprite and was a setup for a johndavesprite fic i was going to write after i finished tactical retreat, which was going to focus on a much more traditional knight/prince dynamic bc i am, unfortunately, such a sucker for that kind of thing. i think moreso than any other kid, john fits really well in the role of a prince striving to live up to his dads legacy but chafing uncomfortably under the role as someone who just loves pranks and screwing around. dave is, obviously, such a good knight character, and davesprite and john in particular have such a complicated and tragic relationship in canon where davesprite gave up his whole timeline and ruined his own life just to save john, without ever getting to meet his own john in person, and then for him to butt heads so hard with the john he saved, its just so. ugh. i feel a lot of ways about it. theyre perfect to me. i love a messy relationship

in this au crow/davesprite was going to be an immigrant from derse who immigrated when he was very young and had to work very hard to get his position in the knights, which is part of the reason why he and karkat get along so well, as they both come from similar backgrounds and similarly struggled to prove themselves. hes known john since they were relatively young as dadbert thought it was important for john to train alongside the knights, so theyre extremely close despite how often they drove each other crazy as kids. its very much a situation of john looking towards his future with creeping horror and leaning heavily on crow while he tries to balance his fathers expectations with his desire to cling to youth. on top of that, as they grow out of some of their younger immaturity and into themselves, theres a steadily growing attraction between them that theyre carefully and delicately trying to navigate when they both know johns position wont allow it.

ultimately, however, i ended up scrapping the whole thing as i got further and further into writing tactical retreat, so it never made it past an idea. the message of tactical retreat was so anti knights and blatantly used knights as an allegory for governmental force and police, and i just didnt feel good about writing a followup fic that glamorized knights the way the dvejohn fic wouldve required. i felt like it wouldve undermined what i worked so hard to convey. i still like the story idea, but it definitely doesnt have any place within the tactical retreat universe. however, you can absolutely still see the traces of that idea in the first chapter.

this is unfortunately far, far from the only time i have ever written a fic with the intention of writing a sequel that i never actually wrote. im just following the dopamine babey

[jamesvanriemsdyk]

Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play. 

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does). 

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

[perriwinklesblog]

Depending on the source and interpretation, depends on what God Harpocrates is.

The most common associated we have nowadays is the God of Silence.

However, they also have links to Horus as the Greeks adapted them from their mythology. And even in the Greek mythology and modern mythology this God  links to Egypt too.

In some modern occultist groups Harpocrates is known as being a trickster God. Others believe them to be a higher being above others

They have also been described as the embodiment of hope. 

Harpocrates is also referred to as the God of Secrets and Confidentiality. 

They’re often associated with roses apparently.

So depending on what route route they go down with the link my main candidates are;

Callahan. 

Foolish 

Hannah

Dream

Captain Puffy

Callahan

When we think of silence, we think of Callahan. He has been around on this server since it’s beginning and often watches the destruction and chaos from the background. Recently, he was there during the Community house confrontation and he watched silently as L’Manburg blew up. 

Perhaps, he’s had enough of the corruption on the server. Perhaps Doomsday was the last straw. He may be the God of Silence but perhaps he does not want to sit back and be silent anymore. He has watched the server move from an equal group of people, building a home together, to a hierarchal nation with citizens hellbent on being the most power they destroy the things they claim they love. 

Since Callahan watches so much it would make sense that he has picked up a few secrets along the way linking into that.

If Callahan wanted to join in on the lore, this would probably be the way that makes the most sense. It’d also be interesting how this would play out for him. 

Reasons why it’s unlikely...

Callahan doesn’t seem to involve himself often. He prefers to watch and chill on the server so it is highly unlikely he would be apart of the lore. No matter how much we beg. 

If anything, he’ll show up to whatever chaos happens as a result of the Syndicate. 

Likeliness Score: 2/10

Foolish

Whilst Callahan is my personal favourite. This one is one of the most likely to me. 

Foolish has his secrets. He’s older than he seems. Seems to know things we don’t. Always dropping hints. He even has secrets underneath his statues. Whilst not necessarily a direct to silence, he has been withdrawn from the egg plot and now recently deciding to take a stand. This could be interpreted as being silent no more. 

The involvement in the egg plot is also another reason why this could be him. He admitted to needing to find people to help him take the Egg down. 

Harpocrates also has many ties to Egypt and Foolish’s summer home is quite Egyptian. 

He’s becoming more involved in the lore and I think this could be a good way to introduce more into the heavy, heavy stuff. 

Reasons why it’s unlikely...

Whilst he’s getting more involved in plot, its not necessarily this plot. Also he’s not that fussed about governments. He’s friendly with Tubbo and Tommy and lives in Snowchester. 

If he’s already joined the Syndicate, it’d be highly unlikely that Techno hadn’t already known and checked Snowchester out. So the fact that he didn’t, suggests he’s not joined the Syndicate. However, that doesn’t mean he won’t in the future. 

Likeliness Score: 8/10

Hannah

HERE ME OUT. 

A symbol associated with is the rose! And who is the person on this server strongly associated with roses? HANNAH.

I don’t know much about Hannah and I’ve not seen much of her in the current main plots. She seems to bee involved with a few pranks which ties in with the trickster god aspect of Harpocrates. 

Is this how to becomes more involved with heavy lore?

Reasons why it’s unlikely...

I don’t know much about Hannah so i don’t know about her opinions on lore on the server. Many like to chill and vibe on the server, which is equally as valid as the lore so perhaps she’d rather not be involved in the chaos of plots and storylines. 

Whilst I think it’d be an interesting choice, and bring in some fresh blood into the plot, I am unsure of how likely this outcome will be. 

Likeliness Score: 5/10 (could go either way)

Dream

I’ve seen this one being floated about. 

He would fit the description for secretive, trickster and definitely believe himself to be above others (especially with the current power he’s holding). Bizarrely theres also an argument for hope. 

We know Dream can be secretive and we know he can trick people. We know those reasons. But why hope? Why have i chosen to associate him with hope? 

Well, once Tommy has been let out of Pandora’s Vault (and he will), Dream will be all thats left. And I know. I know. this take on the myth of pandora is very surface level etc but come one guys, if they were to play on any trope of Pandora, this would be it. We have so many ways in which this whole hope thing could play out and perhaps this scenario is one. 

It is bizarre to associate him with hope and very unlikely. But it’s tinfoil hat time people. No stone left unturned. 

Technoblade owes him a favour. He, apart from Puffy, is the only one that has a current link with Techno so it would make sense that he might be apart of the Syndicate. 

Reasons why it’s unlikely...

Y’all. We focus too much on that favour. I know I do. But so do all of you. 

Why the fuck, would Dream, someone who wants to be the most powerful and essentially created the hierarchies on the server, join an anarchist group? 

The only reason there was a team up before was because their motive aligned for a moment. That’s it. 

Their basic morals do not align. They don’t. Not at all. If it turns out to be Dream I will scream. 

What I truly believe will happen is Dream will ask the Syndicate to help him and due to the favour, Technoblade will feel obliged. The others will be like hell no, it’ll cause conflict within the syndicate and Techno will once again feel betrayed. Thats my predication for any involvement involving Dream. 

Likeliness Score: -2/10

Captain Puffy

She’s a trickster. She is a symbol of hope in a lot of the storylines and for us due to her sticking up for those who cannot. She is a knight afterall. 

I won’t lie, I’m unsure of why this is a popular theory other than the fact her and Techno have kinda sided together against the egg. 

Reasons why it’s unlikely...

She’s a knight. She’s Erets knight. She is technically an active part in a hierarchical society. 

She may be allied with him on the egg but that doesn’t mean she’s part of the Syndicate. She doesn’t even believe in the Anarchists beliefs. She’s very clear that the reason she wanted Techno on side was to help destroy the egg. She’s very clear that it’s due to the need of man power.

I just, I’m struggling guys. I’m struggling. I see the reasoning for teaming up but I do not see the reasons for her joining the club and I do not see the strong connections with this name. 

Likeliness Score: 5/10 (I could be missing something)

EDIT: I’ve been informed that Puffy isn’t a knight anymore and has gone rogue... I still don’t think she’s a full time member of the Syndicate. It doesn’t seem quite correct. Especially the way in which she acts about the rest of the SMP. She’s never outright said she’s an anarchist as far as I’ve seen but she has said she needed his help. There is a different in requesting help and joining an organisation.

And because many have suggested I’ll add this on for the end...

Fundy

A trickster yes, but he has said he’s stepping back from lore, only being a part of it when asked or needed. This storyline has been ready for a bit so I don’t think Fundy is a part of it otherwise he wouldn’t have made that lore announcement. 

Also Techno and Philza dislike Fundy. Like theres a lot of bad blood between them. There is no trust and a big part of the Syndicate is trust. So whether he was still actively participating in lore or not, it’s unlikely he’d be apart of it. 

I know we’re starved of Fundy lore and a bit sad that he’s taking a step back, I am sad too. but it’s very unlikely he would be joining the Syndicate. 

Likeliness Score: -10/10

Final Thoughts. 

Personally, my favourite would be Callahan but I know that’s unlikely. I feel like Foolish might be the best one for being a member. 

These are just some of my theories and reasons why. As I say with all my theories and stuff, I am am more often wrong than not. The creators on this server are brilliant at red herrings and twists that you’ll think one thing and be sure of it and then BAM. Something else. It’ll be interesting to see who it is and I’m excited to see where this storyline is headed as this is just the beginning. 

[theunconcernedembalmer]

what’s the issue with elisop? is it just bc you hc aesop as ace? im so concerned by seeing ppl adamantly opposed to mlm/wlw ships but im also genuinely curious about why you dislike it and other lgbt ships so much lol

hmm. that is a strong accusation, n i find it just a bit odd. are you new here? or perhaps you are taking personal offense at my dislike towards a favourite ship of yours and using the lgbt argument as moral high ground?

whatever the case may be, i thank you for asking. if u r truly looking for an answer, its below the cut n it is very very long. mind u these are all my personal opinions n i am in no way policing how others enjoy ships. just in case this wasnt clear; i dont wish to start discourse on this blog, especially since my takes are probably... unpopular.

firstly i would like to address the “disliking lgbt ships” bit, because this has very strong implications in itself. i have nothing against lgbt ships. i enjoy them, even. if the two characters have chemistry between each other, i ship it. however, the moment characterization is broken for the sake of romance, i lose interest. this is generally my stance on ships in general, n this applies for both straight n lgbt ships. 

the ships themselves are fine. however, i do have issues with the ship dynamics, so ill let u in on that.

i want to touch on mlm ships in particular; i believe u are familiar with the top/bottom dynamic that is rampant in these kinds of ships? (i wont deny that this dynamic can be found in other types of ships, but for arguments sake i will be focusing on gay ships because i feel that this occurs more commonly here) its such a popular dynamic that is prone to stripping the personality from one if not both characters, only for them to be reduced to being dominant/submissive. for a character to be pigeonholed into a stereotypical category based on... preferred sexual positions? its just downright insulting, never mind the larger more problematic implications of it. top/bottom is not indicative of someones personality, by the way. flattening multi dimensional characters into these stereotypes is so so so insulting.

unfortunately this is The Most Popular portrayal of just about any gay ship around. ive seen it being used everywhere in so many fandoms n it just about becomes apparent to me that ppl come to stories looking for a Ship. not the stories, nor the characters, just a ship. while id like to say theres nothing wrong with that, keep in mind not everyone is just looking for 2 characters that look pretty next to each other. if i ship something, i see interesting n meaningful interactions between 2 characters, which is so often not the case once u bring in the top/bottom dynamic. why is it so popular? because somehow this is what ppl like from a gay ship n hence it sells. ppl want the drama, characterizations be damned. ppl want to see the big kiss that happens in the end, n maybe the sexy parts that come after. characterizations be damned.

so u can say im a little wary of gay ships when they cross my feed. hell, as a joseph aesop shipper i see this trope everywhere n im pretty disappointed as well. small tangent but i feel like this is the reason why zh0ngli n ch1lde is so popular in g3nshin. i try to see the appeal, i really do, but after a long while of analyzing their respective characters i dont think they have as much chemistry as ppl think they do. dont even get me started on how incredibly ooc they make either of these very interesting n unique characters in ship portrayals. all because of the top/bottom dynamic that ppl want to see. i say this for that particular ship, but this is pretty much the case for a lot of ships out there, n the latter part is painfully true even when the 2 characters do have potential between each other. ill say it again im disgusted by the blatant disrespect to the characterizations if all ppl ever want is 2 pretty puppets to mush lips together. cos thats what theyre essentially reduced to this way.

n its so obvious to see when an artist subscribes to this rhetoric, because u can so clearly see it in the way they draw their characters. the “top” generally has sharper features to go with their “dominating personality”, while the “bottom” has disturbingly softer, feminine, dare i say sometimes child like features “to submit”. n thats where the uwu soft gay trope comes from, i believe. which, in case u still dont know, i hate with a burning passion.

so again for ppl with impaired reading comprehension, im fine with ships, including lgbt ones, but the moment u break characterization for the sake of the ship, im not that okay with it. u want to do it for a short crack comic? fine. but if thats the only way ur portraying the 2 characters then im immediately wary of ur content. ill still look at it cos usually the art is really good, but im very very wary. so im not “adamantly opposed”, just very critical of how the ships are being portrayed. if other ppl want to enjoy their ships like that, sure. just dont expect me to join in on something i dont agree on.

.

now id like to address not shipping “because i hc aesop as ace”. for ppl who are new to the blog (hello there), im an ace in a romantic relationship, so thats definitely not the reason i dont ship elisop. its more of being in a relationship has largely shaped my views towards romance as a whole. even before i met my boyfriend, i hated the romance genre in stories n media. most of it comes off as incredibly forced, especially those love triangles they seem to love putting into teen novels. thats one reason why i stopped reading when i was younger, but i digress.

did i partake in shipping when i was younger? i did. for a gay ship too (if anyone really wants to know, its kurotsukki from haikyuu. at least this was one that i can remember, i was mostly working on my 20 odd ocs for the longest time). i also used to write little short romance ficlets that i never posted anywhere cos i hated (n still do hate) my writing. but writing romance when u dont have experience was really just a way of projecting n probably a way of coping for myself, not that i knew at that time. but after i actually started a relationship with my boyfriend (whom i love n cherish a lot thank u very much), i began to see how much all these have skewed my views towards romance n have actually done some harm to our relationship. the bullshit that the general media feeds u constantly doesnt help in the slightest either.

quick topic shift to elisop in particular (about time, right?). i already stated that i only ship characters if i sense chemistry between the two personalities, n if u have seen the part where i dont ship elisop then u must have seen how agonized i am over not being able to have a concrete personality for eli. that is the main problem i have with elisop: eli does not feel like a solid character to me. n that is a huge problem, because if he doesnt have any defining characteristics besides being mild n nice, then he can be whoever i want him to be. (i have done this in my exorcist comics, i will admit this. n the fact that i can just do that... it really does not sit well with me personally.)

n that is dangerous.

back to young me doing lil ship things. i think its also pretty safe to say when u really do ship 2 characters, chances are u kinda really relate very very hard to at least one of them. that very quickly can turn into projecting, n shipping therefore is not “exploring the relationship between 2 characters” n it becomes “my preferred dating simulator 101″. of course this isnt always the case, but at least it was for me, n subconsciously it might be for lots of ppl too. n since this is ur mental playground, u call the shots, n there is no consequences if u slightly (or even entirely) alter one or both personalities to fit ur desired narrative. n u wouldnt even notice or know, cos ur blind to ur own biasness.

we bring our perceived notions into real life, im sure u know that. so when ur partner does not become that perfect knight in shining armour, or when they get upset at things that u do (which is a very normal thing by the way), n u think (very subconsciously), That isnt what my otp would do, something is wrong here (nothing is wrong, actually its just ur skewed perception of a stable romantic relationship). why wouldnt ur otp do this? because u are both halves of ur otps, there is no hidden secrets between them (apart from the pining part but thats irrelevant), n again they have been altered to fit ur preferred narrative. 

a real relationship requires a lot of communication between parties, because newsflash, liking someone doesnt mean that u have to like every single thing they do, they will make mistakes n it will hurt u, n guess what, the reverse is also true. if u do go with absoutely anything that they would do with 0 objections whatsoever, ur not crushing on someone, ur idolizing them, n that power imbalance is detrimental to a relationship. these things are not obvious to ppl, especially when the whole climate is hell bent on getting into romantic relationships by a certain age or some bullshit. communication is key n is pretty much the only way to solve relationship issues, because the other person has a lot that u r not seeing n vice versa. as similar as 2 ppl can be, i doubt u can have 100% the same thoughts on all things. i dont make the rules.

so in ur mental playground u focus on the fluffy parts, maybe there is communication, but rarely is there any meaningful conflict. thats unrealistic, n if u bring that mindset to an actual relationship, thats not going to end well. i say meaningful conflict, because yes, generally u shouldnt have conflicts with ur significant other. but inevitably when ur with each other for long enough, u will realize that there are habits that u must change in order to be with the other person. habits that are harmful to the other person directly, or harmful habits towards yourself that indirectly harm the other person. these are meaningful in a sense that if left alone, it will manifest into larger problems that will harm u, the other person n the relationship as a whole. its meaningful to the relationship.

all these is made even worse if ur neurodivergent. maladaptive coping practices, self sabotaging behaviours, inherent disabilities. all these must be adjusted n addressed. im so incredibly thankful for my boyfriend for being incredibly patient with me when working all these out, n it has not been easy for me to work on myself n all my problems, n im still not done working on them. this aspect is often not explored in romance in general (or properly), n there is a very good chance i would have still been stuck in the unhealthy mindset of “this isnt like my otp, maybe we’re not meant to be”. because loving someone is a choice. no one is made for each other, it is a conscious choice made between 2 ppl to make things work. this is how arranged marriages work, i am told, n i do see the appeal, not that it actually does appeal to me culturally.

special mention to the kurotsukki ship, cos from there i found a very, very good fic that explored their relationship before n after getting together, n it actually showed aspects of this problem in the incredibly slow burn of (at that time) 20+ chapters. it was just one fic (n a very good one at that, i believe it was called Leviticus), but it had a lesson i never thought i needed to learn, n learn it i did, with a lot of help from my dear. 

this is also probably the reason why i dont really want to delve too much into romance now. i know its a lot of work, n everything (mostly) that the media feeds u is really false advertising, but ppl eat that shit up n so it remains one of the most popular genres to date. im just very wary that if i do start on a romantic story, i want to be able to show it in a way like that fic did, the truths of relationships, because i dont want to make something that sells, i want to make something that meaningful to me, if a little indulgent. n that also includes being very careful in how the respective characterizations will change in a relationship. almost too careful now that i think about it, but its not something that i mind. i was never one for romance from the start, n now im very careful about shipping because of what happened to me persoanlly.

okay enough about me, lets talk about aesop. in any au u put the character in, the essence of the character must remain despite the change in environment. so lets say we have ur typical modern au. dead mom, check. shitty mentor doing illegal stuff? also check. autistic boy with social anxiety? we’re good to go. all these have implications on aesop as a character, n while ppl are aware of this, again the way they go about portraying it can go, in my personal opinion, very wrong. ppl who immediately woobify aesop completely because he has autism annoy me. ppl who reduce him to uwu soft boi cos he has social anxiety do not know how the disorder really works n as someone who has that i hate it to the core. ppl who do all these for the sake of ship have lost my respect. its insulting.

remember the top/bottom dynamic? not that elisop is completely free from that (even if i dont know much about eli, to put him in either one of those stereotypes feels very insulting to his character. i wont even say anything about doing it to aesop its so upsetting), but its not entirely made up of either. but now i want to introduce another trope i am very wary of, which is “i can fix him”. im sure u guys have seen the meme going around poking fun at this trope (for those who havent, its along the lines of “u can fix him? well i can be his worst nightmare”) n no doubt yall would have seen it n gotten sick of it in some forced hetero romantic bullshit. we have one damsel in distress with a saviour that solves all their problems just by existing n being romo with each other.

remember “my preferred dating simulator 101″? this is not mutually exclusive n from my point of view this is dangerously close to this trope. lets be real, if it was actually a thing that all ur deep rooted trauma magically disappears if someone were to waltz into ur life, we would want it. definitely. no painfully dissecting ur own problems n constantly facing them head on. real life states that this is not the case, but it will not stop us from dreaming. n so this trope is born n lives n will go on.

(finally) pulling aesop n eli into this, at least in my mind, u have one severely traumatized boy with lots of issues n u have this. nice mild guy who can be anything u want him to be. i hope u can see where im going with this, n thats the direction i see some elisop heading towards (i dont read a lot of elisop to be fair). if u came from my eli character talk, i mentioned that it is incredibly one sided. this is exactly what im talking about.

putting it all together in case u havent already, aesop is the damsel in distress, whose problems magically disappear because of elis godly kindness n little to no work on improving himself, n they lived happily n gayly ever after.

can u tell how much that does not appeal to me. 

never mind the butchering of character that inevitably happens somewhere somehow, the unrealistically perfect themes n implications of this trope makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is, of course, due to personal reasons, n i definitely see the appeal of this dynamic because i would probably have been interested in this once upon a time as well. but as i am now, with everything i have explained up there n everything i have been through, i would politely rather not.

n its difficult to think of another dynamic, because of how little i know about eli apart from him being this saint, which easily makes him a candidate for being aesops trauma panacea. never mind aesop rarely, if ever, does anything for eli as a character in return, n its so damaging to buy into this rhetoric, where a person like this who would solve all ur issues no strings attached exists somewhere in the world. they really dont. a relationship has to be mutually benefitting, or it will be draining n disastrous. maybe u say, Oh its nice to imagine it once in a while. n yeah, i agree, except once in a while is a little difficult to keep track of n that is sort of what happened to me. id rather stay as far away as possible from this kind of unrealistic fantasy, i just got this shit sorted out with myself n my boyfriend.

i have some other reasons, but theyre more personally problematic, so i wont go into them here. but this is mostly n generally why i do not ship elisop romantically. if u do, u do u, and have fun, but again dont expect me to join u. thank u for coming to my ted talk, this took a lot longer than expected.

[aroace-people-are-lgtbq]

So I’ve relatively recently discovered the aro/ace spectrums, and I’ve started id-ing as aroace, and I’ve mostly accepted it. I love reading fanfiction and shipping people, despite my own identity. Usually, I really love it and think it’s adorable, and can separate what I ship from real life. But man... today, all of it has just been so triggering to me. ALL OF IT. Quite unexpectedly. I feel so, so unbelievably broken right now. And lonely. I feel empty, knowing that that will never be a part of my life. I just don’t know how to get out of this. Any tips? 😞

I don’t know when this was sent so it’s probably late but if this ever happens again or happens to someone else reading this, I normally would read or watch something in which romance isn’t really the main prioroty and focuses more on familial or friendly connections. It can help to remind you that romance isn’t the only type of relationship that can bring you happiness and that other types are just as important. I know it’s hard to find things that avoid romance bacause it’s so ingrained in our culture that there should be a romantic subplot at least but theres generally some fanfics that will focus on friendship or family instead and I’ll try and think of a few things and list them here :

- I always find Dirk Gently quite good, although people like to ship the characters a lot, there really isn’t that much romance in the show

- Doctor Who but not Rose or Amy and Rory episodes. Doctor Who often does have some romantic themes but theres a lot of episodes that don’t. Peter Capaldi and Jodie Whittaker episodes are generally good

- Merlin, again people love to ship Arthur and Merlin (and there are a few real romances) but it does show a ‘found family’ type of relationship between the knights and merlin and gwen

- If you’re not too proud, a lot of kids books also have less emphasis on romance and more on family and there are some great books out there and they’re often a bit shorter and sometimes written in slightly easier language if the idea of reading a book is intimidating so if you wanted something to read i would suggest maybe looking in the kids section. My favourite books from childhood that i still sometimes read is the magicians house series by William Corlett.

I hope this helped a little bit or at least provided some examples of non romance based fiction (feel free to add on if anyone has some good examples) and if this ask was actually sent recently, i hope you feel better soon.

- Mod Cat

[flameandshadows]

The Research Paper ✎

Chapter: The Final Stretch

Word Count: 2.7k

Warnings: I think theres one curse word, procrastination, panicking, crying, cute Bucky, getting distracted.

A/N: Wow, heres the second chapter of my secret Santa fic! This started as just a fun little story to write, and now its turned into a multi chapter story that I'm having a great time writing, and people are actually liking it? Amazing! This chapter may be a little choppy because of the small time jumps, but I hope its not too bad. Also, I feel like there may not be enough Bucky, if you want more, please let me know! :) thank you all again for reading and sharing your thoughts, I love you all 💖

Series Masterlist

On the first night they met, they set up the details and Y/N gave Bucky the rundown on the assignment. In two weeks, the Friday night before finals week, she has to have a 20 page research paper finished and turned in. It was supposed to be focused on World War 2, she decided to focus on the effects that World War 2 had on the economy and workforce, absolutely the most boring topic she could have chosen. But when you’re faced with a deadline speeding at you full force, you panic and make bad decisions.

After airing all of the unfortunate details of this huge project she’s throwing onto him, he stares at her. He’s got this zoned out look to him, and she’s worried he either wasn’t paying attention, or is thinking of all the ways he can kill Steve for asking this of him.

Suddenly, he gets up. Looks around, and walks away.

‘Oh my god�� y/n thinks to herself. ‘He’s really just up and left. Of course he wouldn’t want to help me with this. I mean, I’m asking for 8 hours of his week, he’s not getting paid, he'd have to help me with a basically impossible task, he'd even have to be spend time with me. God now I have no idea what I’m going to do, I’m gonna fail, and flunk out of college, and have to move home with my parents, and live there forever, and end up dying alo-‘

Her spiraling thoughts were interrupted by Bucky coming back with an overwhelmingly large stack of books. He slams them on the table and gives her a proud smile, unaware of her internal meltdown just seconds before.

“Okay, so here are some books that I know will help us with this. This one is about the rise of Market Competition since World War Two, this one is about the globalization of the world economy, this one is about…”

As Bucky continues to talk about all of his findings she can’t help but to focus on him and not his words. She notices how excited he gets when talking about history, how much knowledge he holds not only about these books themselves but the general subject as a whole. And don’t even get her started about how well he must know the library to know exactly where to go. She focuses in on the sparkle in his eyes, the way the lines coming from the corners only grow as he continues to smile about what he knows. Her eyes move down his smile, the way his pink lips perfectly frame his perfect teeth, lips that look so-

“Does that sound okay?” Bucky asks her, looking at her and waiting for an answer.

The pause in him talking and the feel of his stare pulls him out of her wandering thoughts. It quickly runs through her mind that she really needs to get her brain together and focus more, this is the second time she’s done this in like 10 minutes. And then she realizes she has no idea what he just told her.

“I’m sorry can you repeat that?” She inquired, hoping with all of her might that he doesn’t think she’s past the point of helping.

“I was asking if you’d be able to read at least a skim some of these before we meet tomorrow? Just so you can have a small foundation before we get into the fine details of the books later.” He repeats himself.

“Of course, thank you again James. I can’t even begin to explain how much you are saving me. Really, I wouldn’t even know where to start if it wasn’t for your help.” She tells him genuinely, picking up the books, and putting some in her bag.

“Please, call me Bucky. And it’s no problem. Any time I get to talk about history and have people actually listen is a good time to me.” He reassures her gently.

“Bucky,” she says the name and smiles “I like that. Thank you again, I’ll see you tomorrow night. I’ll read as much of these as I can.”

As she walks away, she peeks one last look over her shoulder at Bucky, both giving each other shy smiles.

After one official meeting, their relationship entered a new stage. Under the pretense of “if you have any questions during the times we’re not together, go ahead and text me..” they exchanged numbers. Bucky's heart was racing for about an hour after he asked successfully without stuttering. Steve would be so proud.

She would text him when she was on her way, or ask if he wanted anything extra from the coffee shop, saying that just a black coffee is gross and he MUST have something to counterbalance the dirt. He would ask her to text when she got home safely, worrying about her walking home in the dark. It was nice. It was becoming a routine neither want to end.

Then, after two more meetings, worried about her progress, and only having about a week left, he suggests meeting every day. Not at the same set times, just whenever they can, in order to make sure she gets the best grade possible. Which is what he convinces himself is why he asks, it’s not that he wants to see her more. Absolutely not. Well… maybe just a little.

The first day of their new schedule they meet at a different time. They both have a break in their classes and work, and they decide to meet in the quad. It’s a nice day out, and according to her, she won’t be able to spend every day in the library without feeling restless.

While waiting at an empty bench, Bucky sees Y/N walk across the lawn. She’s practically being haloed by the sun, Bucky thinks it’s cliche to say she looks kind of ethereal…but it’s not a wrong statement. And he looks a bit further down to see surprisingly that in her hand she carries two bags of food. When she finally reaches him and sets one down in front of him, he thinks he might have fallen in love right then and there.

With that bag of food, a new tradition is created for the next week. Every day, at whatever time of day they can, when they meet, one of them brings food. They both try to convince themselves it strictly a study date, and they both try not to focus too hard on the word “date”.

The fastest way to the heart is through the stomach they say.

It’s 3 days before the paper is due, and Y/N is losing concentration, motivation, and most importantly the ability to not be distracted by the enigma that is Bucky Barnes.

They’re in the library, books sprawled out in front of them. Y/N is typing, while Bucky looks over her notes, making sure what she’s saying is accurate. They sit in a comfortable silence until...

“Alright, I’m done for the night, my ability to withhold anymore information is gone.” Y/N states as she frantically shuts her laptop. Leaning on the table to focus on Bucky.

“Y/N… it’s been 20 minutes.” Bucky chides

“Exactly! Too long, tell me about yourself?”

“Y/N, I really want you to get a good grade on this. My reputation is on the line too you know?” He smirks at her.

She sighs “...fine, how about an hour in, we take a break and you answer my questions!” She tries to bargain.

“You know pretty much everything. You always ask me questions when you’re bored. Besides, there’s not much to know, I’m boring anyways.” He says, getting quieter towards the end.

She stares at him for a second, feeling a small pinch in her heart hearing him say that, “You’re not boring, I think you’re really interesting Bucky. Coolest guy I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet.” She says with a small smile.

Bucky blushes and looks away, “yeah, yeah, just get back to work. No need to butter me up, I’m already helping you.” He jokes, but she can still see the dorky smile he’s trying to hide. He’s not as stealthy as he thinks.

It’s 1 day before the paper is due and Y/N is stressed out. It’s one of those times where the full weight of the situation doesn’t hit you until it’s too late. This is her last year, and if she doesn’t pass this class? She’s screwed. She’s scared. She’s terrified that her lack of planning will lead to her academic downfall. Being one step away from full blown panic, she goes to the person she trusts most. And right now? That’s Bucky. Her knight in shining history books.

She knows he’s working, but she can’t help it. She needs him.

Walking into the library, she sees him. Sitting there, reading at his desk, looking as calm as she’s ever seen him. And she realizes that all she’s done in the past two weeks is stress him out, she can’t do it again, not now. Not when he looks like that, She’s ready to turn around and go have a good cry at home, it helps...honestly, when the man of the hour looks up.

Bucky smiles at her, excited to see her again, when he notices the tears in her eyes. He gets up immediately and walks around his desk to reach her.

When he puts his hands on her shoulders, she breaks. It’s like every mental wall she’s out up to stop herself from losing it just vanishes. She leans into his chest, with her hands covering her face, and he wraps his arms around her and pulls her behind his desk to set her in his chair. While kneeling in front of her, he takes her hands in his, and urges her to look at him

“Hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong. You gotta tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.” He pleads, hating seeing her like this.

“I can’t do it Bucky. It’s too much, it’s never gonna get done, and I can’t do it. I’m just not capable! Even with your help there’s no way I can be saved. I’m hopeless.” She cried through hiccups.

His heart hurt for her. In these past weeks he’s gotten to know her well, he knows how much she cares about her school, and he knows how much this project is worth. He’s not letting this get the best of her. Over his dead body.

“Hey, now you listen to me. You are not hopeless, you are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and this paper is not gonna bring you down. We’re almost done, all we need to do is edit and finalize it. That’s it. We have a little over 24 hours, that is completely doable. Don’t doubt yourself. You can do this.” He says while running his thumb over her knuckles soothingly “I’ll tell you what. I get off in 20 minutes, and I don’t have classes tomorrow, so let’s sit down and just blow through this editing. We can knock it out tonight, however long it takes, and then you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“I can’t ask you to do that Bucky, it’s not fair to ask even more of you.” She says softly.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re not asking. Now, I don’t know why you’re sitting there, you still haven’t gotten our ceremonial coffee, and we’re definitely going to need it tonight.” He says with a wink, while walking away to finish all he needs to do before clocking out.

She stands there for a second, smiling to herself, wondering how she got so lucky to be able to know a guy like Bucky Barnes. She needs to thank Steve.

It’s late into the night, morning technically, and the duo are I the 24 hour study room. They’re not alone, there are many other students considering it’s right before finals week. But somehow, in their little corner with coffee, snacks, and a big blanket from Y/Ns car, it feels like they’re the only ones around.

They both have their laptops open, and are going the the document paragraph by paragraph, editing, rewriting, and making sure it flows.

Bucky looks over, getting ready to ask if the sentence should contain a semicolon or a comma when he sees her, cheek against the table, sleeping like she has no care in the world.

He should be mad, irritated that she isn’t up and working like he is. But all he can think is that she looks so beautiful when she’s sleeping. He wonders if they had more time, if they would end up sleeping together…IN A BED, he yells at himself internally. He’s glad she’s not awake, or else she’d see the blush rise on his face, and she wouldn’t let it go unless she knew why it was there.

After staring at her for a few moments longer, trying to memorize her features, he decides to keep working. He’ll work through the night any day if it kept her happy and stress free. It’s only a small price to pay to see her smile.

So he straightens up, steals her coffee, and gets to work. She’s gonna get this A if it kills him.

At 5:37 am Bucky is finished. He’s read that paper at least 3 times, and it’s the best he can get it to be. He hopes that’s enough.

He taps Y/Ns shoulder, and she wakes with a start.

“Wha-what’s up, sorry, fell asleep there for a second. Sorry.” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

“Don’t worry, it’s not a big deal. But it’s finished, your paper is officially ready to be turned in.” He says to her with a proud, albeit sleepy smile.

She stares at him in shock “h-how long was I asleep? Bucky you should have woken me up! I feel terrible now!” She exclaims, panicking about him doing so much work while she slept.

“Hey,” he puts his hand on her arm reassuringly, “it’s okay, I chose to do this, and it wasn’t even that much work. All it was, was editing. Besides, you need sleep more than I do. Now, no more apologies, no more feeling bad, let’s turn this baby in and go home and get some real sleep!”

She smiles so large, he can feel it in his own cheeks, and in that moment he knew it was worth it. To see her smile like that, he’d make the same decision every day of his life.

She goes onto her submission portal, drops the file, and presses submit. They both breath a huge sigh of relief. It’s done. Now they can focus on their other classes. Now, now they don’t have to hang out every day. Both deflate a little at the thought.

As she packs up she says, “Thank you so much for helping me Bucky. I owe you so much, I wouldn’t have been able to get this done without you, not by a long shot.”

“You would have been able to do it no problem, you’re not giving yourself enough credit. I just have reassurance, you did all of the work.” He says with a smile as they come to a stop at the door.

As they stand there staring at each other, she takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the next sentence she doesn’t want to say. “Well, thank you again Bucky. You can’t convince me that you didn’t save me… I guess this is it. I won’t need to bother you every day anymore.” She says with a sad smile.

“What if I like you bothering me every day?” He mumbles while looking anywhere but her.

“Well, then expect to see me here Monday on your lunch break, I need someone to make me study for all of my other finals.” She smiles, trying to keep her smile from taking up her whole face, but failing miserably.

“Goodbye Y/N.” He says with a laugh while walking out the door. Smiling like an idiot. He can’t wait for Monday. 

A/N: Thank you all for reading!! This is going to have about 2-3 more chapters, and in that time we will learn a little more about Bucky, and maybe even see some....angst? we shall see!

Tags: @bucky-smiles @thebookwormslytherin @rogvewitch​ @itsametaphorbriansblog​ @93generation​

[deuce-duce]

Am I...?? (Inwardly GASPS)!! Which Part...??

Today is March 2nd 2021 and I got my puter back and went to look at what I had last written on December 16th 2020. When I opened the file, it had been changed… dates had been obscured and certain things had been reworded… So… I have decided to go back through all of my previous posts to ensure the integrity of what I am writing stays that way! During this process I will be putting together a collection of my favorite quotes and post fragments. Which I will dub Rock and Roll’s Greatest Hits, if you live near me go buy airhorns Ill tell you why, When the greatest hits album comes out. What your about to read is primarily from Dec. 16th with a few changes or should I say… restorations?? Probably a little of both to be honest. Everything is still as it happened, I just add better descriptive words and fine tune the analogies so that they are easier to digest… My English teacher always told me that was what I was good at! Along with many others… who have said the same… not only do I understand it… I’m able to explain it in a way that others understand as well. ENJOY

On the seventh of December I woke up not too sure if something had occurred that night or not… as I have mentioned before they use a numbing agent that basically masks the pain until it wears off approximately 12 hours later… When I a woke on this day I was having moments of clarity and for some reason just couldn’t keep them to myself. talking to one of the staff members of the homeless shelter I expressed my destiny that I actually had one, that was going to bring me to greatness… then out of nowhere I just blurted out there is going to be a power shift!!!! And at that very moment I couldn’t believe what it was that had just come out of my mouth. I didn’t even believe it at first because the guy at the desk was like IDK… about… that… but when I went back into my room, the look on my roommate’s face said it all!! It seems as though those who pull strings and orchestrate a lot of this… put all of their eggs into one basket. I don’t know exactly what the terms of thee bet were but I’m assuming it had/has something to do with me not being able to control my compulsivity associated with my dissociation. Unfortunately for them I made a deal with God. It was while I was on quarantine and even though I was in a basement all by myself people kept F$%^&*!> with me. This is when I prayed stating that I would not falter, for my body his temple his craft and his glory. that I need to take care of myself and my destiny, for it is in his hands and I won’t let my selfishness or imperfections stop him from fulfilling his plan. Over and over again I have cried and cried about how fundamental and powerful this is all going to be. EFFIN CRAZY!! And now that I know without anyone telling me and it literally being given to me somehow is what is freaking everybody out. How do I know or how the hell did I figure it out!! I really couldn’t tell you and the only thing that is possible is that our Creator endowed me with such responsibility. Crazy!! (this was before I considered the probability of God being a woman, A mother, A Lover)

Low and behold one of my favorite artists Mr. Kid, Maniac, Rager, Wizard, Pursuer of Happiness Cudi dropped a new album entitled Man on the MOON Three. Ill have to say it’s a wonderfully made album! The album delves deep into who Scott is… I know the Fans are going to love it.

Rewind a little bit sorry for my hiatus just needed to stay focused and well as your aware have been led here not by accident and had some things that I needed to take care of before I started writing again. Not to mention I have been dealing with a lot only to know that I am who I am for a reason Rockstar Knights off MOTM3 has a lot to say concerning who I am and what I have realized as a result to my struggle. The Song is a collab with Trippie Redd and really encapsulates so much, that its hard to describe in words.

I had a very interesting conversation with my mother the other day and came to a pretty profound thought. 1st I was telling her how I was being told that I am too….!!! Smart!! Like WTF!! REALLY!! Is that even a thing?? But I didn’t let it get to me too much as it probably is the reason I face so much adversity, No matter the community I enter into. This is how I have explained it to her and a couple other people in the community as well as the Rasta Man in the PNW. The best analogy I could present is if a plant with a fire burning so big and so hot on one side of the plant, a fire so big and hot that it probably would kill most other plants, but not this plant. This plant had sooooo much drive and will to live that instead of giving up it grew in the opposite direction of the blaze. While the roots could withstand the blazing inferno becoming one with the heat and pain Upon the journey away from the fire (society) the plant developed different characteristics colors and attributes that no other plant had. Essentially that journey completely changed that plants physiology Psychology and possible its genetic makeup altogether. Now that the plant has grown so far from the fire (Society) that its all alone. Now theres a different kind of fire where he once thought was safe. But as he grows back towards the fire to escape the new blaze (tyranny) he realizes he will never be able to be the same as the fire he grew so far away from. Now the only option the plant has with death being imminent is to grow as big and bright as quickly as possible before it is engulfed on all sides.

All this taken into account along with factoring in the two major belief structures in the world one Being Creation or Evolution (The Big BANG) this plant which has defied all odds still shines brightly displaying its colors and unique characteristics no matter how dark the room may be it still continues to bloom! Is this a Divine will and plan or are we experiencing the next step of Evolution??? My honest opinion is its both! For the mere ability to adapt and change and prevail in situations others couldn’t dream of or even have nightmares about is truly remarkable and in my eyes is an act of GOD! Just as any evolutionary step would be. The crazier part is… he has no handle!! Nothing to grab on to leaving no way for anyone to grab hold and control! AYE….

I thought this all might just be me being stubborn or simply an idiot until for some reason I opened up my meme App. Something I never open or even look at and the first thing that popped up was a picture and quote saying that many told Marilyn Monroe that she was only beautiful because of the clothes and dresses she wore. It then concluded Marilyn Monroe did a photoshoot in nothing but a burlap potato sack. The photos and the message she sent were completely opposite of that which was being said by spectators. Now!! As scrolled to the second meme I was expecting something funny!! That wasn’t the case what I saw next was the upcoming alignment of the two largest planets in the solar system Jupiter and Saturn. Not only does their alignment happen only every 20 years but the proximity of this occurrence to the earth as well as the proximity to each other hasn’t been the same for close to 800 years… What does it all mean… IDK but The Christmas Star is what their calling the alignment and if your familiar with the bible is the star that the kings, from other lands followed  to bring gifts to baby JESUS! Who knows what this alignment could usher in.?

So profound thought comes to me on a daily basis now it’s so strange the way that it comes it will just be momentary thoughts that will pass through my conscience and as they go by I latch on to it delve a little deeper and experience an overwhelming amount of… IDK what to call it but it feels very powerful so much so that it brings me to tears… I don’t know exactly what the future holds but I think that is what makes this so great! I just keep my mind open Like apple IOS Systems letting everything come and go as it pleases when something goes by that strikes me, I latch on and don’t let go. Its weird how it all happens.

Steve Jobs once said that if he had never had an acid trip that he would have never of come up with the operating system for Apple and after explaining to you what I do as a spiritual and destiny seeking process I believe was his thought process as well. This in of itself is what I think they mean when they say to keep an open mind. Just so you know I didn’t come up with that little bit about the late Mr. Jobs by plan it just came to me when thinking about how to have, use and keep an open mind.

The reason I explained this to you was because this is how I Pray! After I pray I sit still with an open mind allowing multiple ideas thoughts and perspectives to pass through my brain… until like an IOS operating system, something speaks to me… when I latch on to it, focus on what it means and what it will mean… “I Get Those Goosebumps Everytime” (Goosebumps, Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar, Birds in the Trap Sing Mcknight, 2016). This is how you know! A little extra for ya, when I went to look up the info for my first Hip Hop citation it was 11:11 lol there they go again… its really a cool feeling!

Can someone tell me if that APA or MLA…?? Ya know what!! Eff IT!! None of my writing is orthodox, besides I kinda like the way I did it haha

Kid Cudi’s new video just dropped and I couldn’t be more amazed with all of the hidden messages that are in there. He is officially the man on the moon. Passion pain and demon slaying like a maniac on the pursuit of happiness. Love that DUDE!!

That’s all I got for 12-16-2020 Five More Days…

LOVE & PEACE

Songs

Heaven On Earth – Kid Cudi

Goosebumps – Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar

Dirty Heads – Sound Of Change

 Just so you know the only thing I added this time other the cleaning up what I had already written was the praying part. Although I originally remember that being the purpose as to why I wrote what I did looking at it today March 2nd 2021 it wasn’t there… have a great day everyone. Ill post this on 3/3/2021

I've added parts to the story on my business cards and will leave then random places, what you do with them is up to you but I think It would be cool for those who want to stop me to have to work extra hard just like they make me!!  

LOVE

[illfoandillfie]

Could I get a Year Ahead reading and/or a Heart Compass reading? Thank you so much!! (I really enjoy your blog btw!! <3 )

here you go darl, I just did the year ahead reading cause it’s quite a long one but if you still want the heart compass just send me another message!

Okay so, each card here represents a month of 2021.

January: Knight of Pentacles

This knight represents efficiency, hard work and responsibility. He’s the least kinetic of all the knights, his horse almost at a standstill but he’s thinking about what’s ahead, carefully considering the coin he holds. He is committed to his task and he’s approaching his path with care. January will be about setting goals and starting on the path towards them. They may feel far off or had to achieve but the knight of pentacles is patient and methodical in his approach so don’t worry if you don’t seem to be making progress straight away. This knights is seen as responsible, reliable and committed to his work so it may be that you find yourself with a few extra responsibilities either in relation to work or at home, but know that you are up to the task.

February: 3 of Pentacles

Another pentacle card. This may be a indication that a situation at work or a work related project will be occupying your time during the beginning of the year. The 3 of Pentacles is about teamwork, collaboration and building. February will be a good month to connect with others. It may be that a group project will be undertaken but this card is generally a symbol of honest and supportive teamwork whether that be business partnerships, friendships, or relationships amongst family members. Whatever the case my be, this is a good time to seek advice from others, especially those with more experience than you who may be able to help you move towards accomplishing your goals. But be wary of conflicts of ego, disorganisation and other aspects that may cause a lack of teamwork.

March: 3 of Swords

I’m not going to lie to you, this is one of the most unhappy cards in the deck. This is the second 3 card you’ve had in a row so February and March may be highly social months for you as the 3s generally refer to group communication. The 3 of Swords is about heartbreak and suffering though. March may bring challenges with it. It could be a separation or falling out with someone close to you, it could be that your workplace creates new or unexpected challenges that take a toll, it could be a significant block in the path towards your goals. Being a 3 card it might also indicate interference from a third party that causes you trouble (particularly in the case of conflict within a relationship). Whatever it is, it likely won’t be easy to overcome. March will be a month of pain and healing. Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself and remember that more often than not suffering and heartache will lead to better things, even if it takes a little time.

April: 8 of Swords

Another Sword card. The Swords are the suit that represents the mind so it seems that during this period, your focus will be aimed internally and whatever situation arises during March will continue to be on your mind through April as well. The 8 of swords is about feeling trapped or imprisoned, however, escape is possible. The woman on the card is bound and blind folded and surrounded by swords but her feet are free and she is able to move. All she has to do is master her fear and anxiety and take a step forward. Whatever pain you are dealing with this month is being prolonged by dwelling on it constantly. April will be about letting go of whatever is holding you back and moving forward. It may not be easy - the woman can move but she’s still surrounded by danger and she’s not likely to leave without a few cuts and scrapes - but it is possible. Only you can let go of the fear and the sadness and only you can make yourself move.

May: The Lovers

Our first major arcana! Obviously The Lovers card can be a strong indication of a positive romantic situation, whether it’s with an existing partner or someone you meet in the first few months of the year. But The Lovers is more than just romance, it can also represent overcoming trials. Whatever setbacks you faced in March and April are coming to an end. May will be about refocusing on what you want and how to achieve it. The Lovers card represents attraction which may of course be an indication of attraction to another person in a romantic or sexual sense. If you already have a partner at this stage of the year it’s a sign of strengthening that connection and if you’re single it may be a good time to put yourself out there and try to meet someone. Attraction can also indicate a good time in relation to finances or career so if you’re thinking of switching jobs or applying for a promotion, May could be the time to look into that.

June: The Tower

The Tower often scares people. And with good reason. It’s a symbol of sudden upheaval, broken pride, disasters. Even just the imagery of the card is kinda scary - a tower on fire, people falling from it. But sudden upheaval can be good, even if it’s stressful, it can lead to better things. And The Tower doesn’t end with the ruins, it’s rebuilt with a stronger foundation. June may bring a big change with it, something unexpected, or it may just be a time of chaos. The change may be related to the situation that’s been happening since March, and June will be a time to rebuild and resettle yourself. Either way, don’t fall into the trap of resisting change too much. You can delay the inevitable but it will happen eventually.

July: Ace of Wands

The aces are cards of beginnings and potential, and the ace of wands specifically is about creation, willpower, creativity and progress. July is going to be a fruitful month for you. The chaos of the Tower is quieting, and you’re feeling ready to move forward from whatever issues occurred in the first half of the year. The creativity that is referenced in this card could be a creative project you’re working on, or it could be creativity in a more cosmic sense that indicates a time to find your voice or develop your own vision. It’s certainly a time to just go for it though, whatever it is. Whereas the Knight of Pentacles was about carefully considering your steps, the ace of wands is about action and movement. You’ve thought things through, you’ve considered your options, you may have made adjustments depending on what happened during the year, now it the time to actively and energetically make progress. You’re being handed a wand which traditionally in magic are used to focus your power. It’s up to you how you use that power though. Focus it towards achieving your goals and success will be likely. 

I will warn you however, that the ace of wands can sometimes be related to the creation of life as well as birth and families so if that’s not a goal of yours or something you want at this point and you are sleeping with anyone, I highly recommend you use protection lmao.

August: 2 of Wands

Another wands card. The suit of wands is associated with fire and thus energy. This part of the year is going to be about being driven and active in working towards your goals. Theres a restlessness to this card though. The 2 of Wands depicts a lord looking out over his lands and alternately looking at the globe he holds in his hands. What he has achieved so far isn’t enough. You’ve made steps towards getting what you want but you still have some work to do. It may be that something is holding you back during August or something is making you hesitate but the 2 of wands is about taking risks and leaving your comfort zone for something new. August will be a time to continue with your plans, continue on your path. 

September: 5 of Swords

The 5 of Swords is a card of ambition. It may indicate conflict but doesn’t always. Certainly the conflict isn’t as drastic as earlier cards we’ve seen. It can also be a sign of sneakiness or trickery. With that in mind, in September you may have to deal with someone working against you or undermining you even if it’s subtly. However, good intent can be sneaky or tricksy and it may in fact be referring to your own need to stand up for yourself or an approach you take in trying to reach your goals. Either way, ambition is key during September. Stay hungry for what you wish to achieve and keep working towards it. 

October: The Moon

The Moon is an interesting card. On one hand, it can represent intuition, listening to yourself and trusting yourself to correctly read a situation. One the other it can be about the unknown, darkness, deception or illusions. If the 5 of Swords was in fact referring to someone working against you this may be a continuation of that situation. However, it may also be a warning not to create danger or enemies where there are none. Be wary but don’t assume the worst of everyone. In October you may be embarking into unknown territory - new responsibilities at work or something new within a relationship or social circle.

November: Queen of Cups

You started the year as a knight, just setting out on his journey, careful and methodical and now, towards the end of it, you’re appearing as a Queen. That shows growth and progress being made. The Queen of cups rules the emotional realm and yet her cup his closed off with a lid. She’s not one to spill her emotions anywhere and may come off a little guarded but she is compassionate and kind and empathetic to others. She represents calm and comfort. November is going to be a much calmer month that previous ones, though emotions may run high. The Queen of Cups also symbolises success and happiness and actions helping a dream become real. If the goal you set at the beginning of the year (or in July with the ace of wands) was a short term goal it may be that November will the month when your success becomes clear. Or, if it was a more long-term goal that you expect to take a few years to achieve (or even if it’s just taking longer than you’d hoped because of setbacks), November should give you something tangible to mark your progress. 

December: 10 of Wands

There is accomplishment in the 10 of wands but also responsibility and burden. If your goal was achieved in November this may indicate a rise in responsibility or business that follows. Otherwise it’s just saying that there is still work to be done. December is a time to celebrate what you have achieved but also to recognise that there is more that can be done. It’s also a time to examine the load you carry and sort through it. Re-shoulder what you need to but don’t be afraid to let go of things that no longer serve you to make your load easier in the next year. 

I drew 4 oracle cards as a kind of energetic overview of your coming year. 

From the Destiny Cards deck is the word Commitment. This was definitely reflected in the Knight of Pentacles but it’s a theme that will carry throughout your year. You need to commit to your plans, commit to your goals, in order to get what you want. It may also be related to a committed relationship, whether its a deeper commitment of one that exists or committing to someone new. Or perhaps there is a cause or obligation you will commit to during the course of the year. 

From the Elemental Oracle we have Pressure: Transformation. This is the 26th card in the deck to the numbers 26 or 8 may be important to you during the year. Pressure can be positive or negative depending on the circumstances and your point of view. And from the tarot cards drawn it is likely you will feel some pressure and stress this year but this card is about using that pressure as a shaping force and letting it transform you into someone stronger. 

From the Believe In Your Own Magic deck we have Confidence - It comes with time and practice. This is card number 23 so 23 or 5 may be meaningful numbers (or perhaps 2 is since it appeared in both cards). There may be times during the year where you feel powerless or feel as if you’re losing your confidence. This card is telling you that its okay to feel like that. Confidence isn’t innate, it’s learned. It takes time and practice to feel confident about yourself or to trust your decisions. Give yourself the space to unlearn any toxic thoughts that may be hindering you and seek out situations or people that make you feel more confident about your choices. 

And finally, From the Making Magic deck we have the sigil for Healing. This definitely ties into a few of the tarot cards. Parts of this year are going to be heavily focused on healing and recovery. It could be related to mind, body or soul or a mix of all three. 

Last but not least, I pulled a handful of charms and dropped them over the cards to see if we could get any clarification or further details. They’re probably a bit hard to see but I’ll go through them. 

On January we have the words Star and Of so this may be and indication of a spotlight of sorts being on you, perhaps you’ll make an impression as someone particularly knowledgeable about something. The star within tarot is a symbol of hope, so it could be a hope of reaching your goal or achieving something. It could also be saying Start of.... since this is the beginning of the year and as I said before, the knight of pentacles is related to starting on the path towards your goals. Beside them we have my old school badge which features the words fortiter et suaviter which is latin for strength and gentleness. These may be traits you should hold onto or keep in mind as you approach the year ahead. It may also indicate that the goals you set or the path you start on will be related to school/uni or learning. 

On Feb we have a badge with a happy ice cream. I see this as an indication of a positive time, something sweet, perhaps a treat of some sort or something unexpectedly good coming from this teamwork.

Over March we have the word you and a badge that says Woo! The badge was a little unexpected considering the general unhappy feeling of the card but I think it’s really just indicating that while the situation may hurt, it will be for the best in the long run. Between this card and the next we have a shell. Shells often represent the unconscious mind which is interesting considering these are both swords cards. I think it suggests that the issues that begin in march are what will be in your thoughts the most in April. It could also indicate growing a strong defence mechanism or coping strategy to get through this time. Seashells are also obviously linked to the sea so there may be a connection to the beach or the ocean in some way. 

Also on April we have the words Star and Love as well as a little blue “candy” heart that says Heart Eyes. This may indicate that the situation which leads to your fear or feelings of being trapped is related to romance in some way. As I said before the star represents hope so it may have been that you were hopeful of a relationship moving in a particular way or hopeful of connecting with someone and by it not going the way you wanted, you’ve been left feeling anxious or worried or trapped. 

On May we have Internally Screaming. To me this is a good thing, particularly since between this card and the next is my charm representing The Sun. The sun in tarot is straight positive vibes. So whatever situation is indicated in this card is a good one. It might also be that you approach something calmly from the outside but inside you’re screaming about how wild or weird or unexpected it is. 

Dropping down to July we have the lock. Potential. You don’t know what been locked away but you know something is there. 

Connecting Jan to Aug we have the scissors. Interestingly both these cards are about moving forward but with different energies. The scissors represent cutting - cutting through red tape, cutting unnecessary thoughts or unhelpful influences from your life, cutting away the bullshit to reveal the heart of what you want. On Aug we also have the owl. A symbol of knowledge and wisdom. Owls are birds which can fly and thus also represent freedom or taking flight. Very fitting for the 2 of wands. 

On Sep we have the word Give which could indicate a need to give something or that someone will give you something - a helping hand, encouragement, a literal object. The camera icon makes me think of the phrase “take a picture, it’ll last longer”. It’s a reminder to stop every now and then and take in the moment. It could also represent your ability to decide how a moment or time in your life will be remembered. Your perspective of a situation will change how you remember that time when you look back months or years later. The triangle also appears on this card. This may indicate that three people or parties are involved in the situation. But, it’s an equilateral triangle which indicates balance in your life and peace of mind. Now is not a time to make rash decisions but look at things from multiple perspectives. 

On Oct we have the word Like which would be indicating that you’ll like the outcome of this situation or something that occurs this month. There’s another charm there which I should have laid down before I took the photo but it’s a little figurine of the pokemon oddish. To me oddish represents change and transformation because pokemon evolve but there’s a choice here too. Oddish can either evolve into vileplume or bellossom depending on which stone it uses. You have a choice here or two ways to view things. This message is I think enhanced by the Moon card itself which features two canines and two towers. 

Over Nov we have the words Happy and Good. I think those are pretty self explanatory and definitely fit with the happiness of the queen of cups. We also have a book which indicates knowledge and learning. 

Finally, over the Dec card, we have a badge that says Stand Up and Take Action/Make Poverty History. This may be an indication that during December you’ll have a chance to stand up for yourself, voice an opinion. It may also relate to the “burden” indicated in the 10 of wands. It may feel heavy and cumbersome and hard to carry but it’s worth the work. 

[fablecoingolf]

thots on LOGAN, on REAVER, on BEN FINN,

oh man, this might be long I warn you! I’m not sure how best to format it I think I’m gonna do like dots, coz otherwise it’ll be just a massive block of text

LOGAN:

honestly not as many thoughts as the other two aside from “nerd” and “inconsistent face” I look forward to trying to draw him one day and by look forward to I mean dread very much!!!

he’s totally not cishet look how he sits and his colour palette is pretty close to the ace flag so, though since he’s the villain for the decent amount of the game it’s important to be careful with that

I think that his design in combination with how the hobw tends to look feels antisemitic in a way that is recurring in fable that should be addressed more often I really hope if 4 ever happens they change the like good/evil morph pretty considerably, 3 is an improvement though

I don’t have many feelings towards him though as a character, there’s a thing with tone in 3 that I’ll talk about more with reaver that influences this I think, and just in general he sort of exists separately to everyone for most of the game, like he’s the player characters brother you should feel Something but there’s just no like. anything to their interactions. what’s his relationship like with theresa, with walter, with like Anyone, he just monologues at a map!!! do something talk to someone half a character is their interactions!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like he’s fun I’ve made posts about him before, on a surface level he’s fun but like past that I just don’t really feel anything towards him? so it’s kind of hard to talk about him

I had an image of him up on my screen while writing this so this entire time he’s been staring me down hdkdj

the uh, like art of him with, the front of the armor that’s shaped like a crown is very funny that’s supposed to go on your head what are you doing

I have my own idea of how Hero stuff works because this is my canon now and I can’t be stopped and I really don’t like some parts of how they say it works, but I don’t know if now is the best place or time to talk about that, it’s partially relevant to all these characters but it’s kind of hard to explain and I feel like by the time I reach the end of this I’ll have no more words so I should really save them? I don’t know, I bring it up because it’s relevant though I just can’t decide

REAVER:

it’s funny that that’s his name, dude’s not very creative huh? like a clothier named Tailor, we get it george you steal things

I mean my name is crow because.I like crows..but I’M allowed to name myself stupid things because I’M sexy and cool and awesome and my ideas are good ones always (sarcasm)

for real though my thoughts here are complicated because there are parts to this character that touch on things that I like(pirates,cool spooky void stuff,) but those don’t get like, any focus

I like him in 2! I only like him in 2. aside from the weird character design decisions 3 made, theres the tone thing I mentioned at logan that I’ve been thinking about lately I’m not sure I can word it right but I’ll give it a shot!

so like, I think, fable likes to be funny, the feel it generally goes for is fun and it’s a fantasy game yknow? characters like jack of blades and lady grey (and the crawler kiiiind of? a bit) are obviously bad but because of either the way the game treats them or the way the game feels or the things they do theyre fun villains who I like! reaver in 2 falls into this I think, yes pirates are real but, like knights and stuff there’s. I can’t think how to word it, there’s a difference between historical knights and fantasy knights and reaver is a fantasy pirate, the shadow court stuff is obviously bad but that’s also not real? the tone of 2 is more serious than 1 and I haven’t replayed it in a while so I’d have to play it to know how it lands Exactly. but reaver in 3 hits too real with actual things and lady grey is also evil rich person but the tone of the game carries that where 3 is serious about it and it’s effects that’s like the whole point and you can have a character and a game that does that but you can’t have that character Also be the fun villain because then it confuses things, that’s Also not to say the fun villain can’t be interesting or like metaphors or whatever obviously it’s just The Feel of the thing, fable 3 can have its evil factory guy but reaver isn’t the character for that for so many reasons. I really don’t think I explained this in a way that makes any sense I can try to word it clearer another time maybe

I have fixed this internal problem I have by pretending very very hard that reaver isn’t in 3 and that’s just some other guy and that’s fixed all of my problems, even that stuff aside from a character perspective I don’t buy it

I have a whole thing about what he’s doing in 3 because I don’t know who the onceler guy is but that’s not him. it’s very neat I think please ask me about it I need an excuse to talk about it and this is already an excuse sure but it’s already very long

anyone else noticed that he always wears things that cover his neck? I noticed it when compiling reference images for my animal crossing thing and I hate to give you the bad news but I am certain he’d never wear the sexy pirate shirt, if I had to design modern clothes for him he’d have a turtleneck

I feel like I could read into the way he dresses (gloves, high neck,yknow?) in an interesting way actually but I’d need to think on it more

also actually before I keep pretending he’s not in 3 I don’t want to brush over the transmisogyny in the poster which is supposed to be viewed as a positive thing since it shows up, like when the rebellion is progressing right? I don’t remember the exact point of the game but you get what I mean. or the dress which would be fine if he wasn’t an antagonist in this game + the poster making it clear it’s intended to be something to be made fun of

I have made pokemon teams for the fable 2 heros because I think about them a lot and pokemon a lot and I want to share but I might wait until I’m in a pokemon brain space so it’s easier for me to, but I have Thoughts

the man who lives forever by lord huron has oakvale reaver vibes for obvious reasons and it’s also a good song and you should listen to it

a few lord huron songs do actually but I don’t want to associate those other ones with him in my brain because I like them and,like, it’s not my fault our aesthetics overlap!! I hate that!!!!!! I’M the sexier bi/pan nonbinary occult pirate Back Off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He gets ONE lord huron song, ONE, no more!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a few conflicting ideas of oakvale reaver actually I need to settle on one but I’m not sure which I’m gonna go with, one that song matches with way better

he wins second place in having inconsistent face hdkdhk

I’m always torn talking about him for like all the reasons I’ve stated and like, people talk about him plenty and maybe what I could say is different coz I think I interpret the character different to the way I see a lot, but it feels like I could put my energy elsewhere better same reason why it feels weird to draw him? he’s popular adding to that pile rather than like anyone else would feel weird of me, but my brain latches on to pirate and goes wild coz they’re important to me separately so, yknow I’m torn

I could say more probably coz like I said the fable 2 heros are my favourites and I have the most thoughts on them, but I’ve been writing this for actual hours coz words are very difficult to make and I have stuff I need to do today

anyway the oakvale ghost pirate is still cooler, he says yarrrrr and Didnt cause oakvales destruction, and he loves his wife!!! that’s like +1000 sexy points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he’s a ghost which rocks

BEN FINN:

he’s good : ) !

I like him! he’s good

my thoughts here are very simple and I can’t elaborate past “: ) !!!”

oh he’s trans and bi

and while I usually don’t care about ships unless they’re the seafaring kind, page+hobw+ben finn is cute

he’s just good I have nothing to say and no complicated feelings i just think he’s neat : ) !

one day I’ll elaborate on the hero thing I was talking about with logan I just don’t have the energy right now

I genuinely can’t think of anything right now I’m sorry hdkdjf I just like him that’s enough!!

[rqs902]

.

yang chaowen is really a sensitive kid... man he brings out renyu's song's feels and then brings up ylq to relate to the lyrics bc he knows his friend isnt getting as much appreciation as himself. (this makes even more sense after ylq said he had been crying before ycw went onstage and ycw was comforting him... and then after ycw came off the stage, it was time for ylq to comfort him from crying TT) Their friendship is really something. But then ycw saying he just gets ripped for getting screentime for crying all the time ouch but i dont get the feeling that hes doing it for attention but maybe im becoming partly biased towards chaowen :) 

Lol the fact that they focus so much on xzx and how hes favored by gjm but feels like it's unfair to be treated uncomfortably by other trainees as a result... all i can say is, what do u expect, of course the other kids will be salty, their lives are on the line and theyre getting nothing close to the attention you are, so unfortunately u cant win everything :(

Lol I see why everyone on twitter is annoyed at gjm... Jackson is literally trying to say something meaningful and mentor-like to su er and gjm literally interrupts with his own opinion.... jackson is like unable to finish his thought. and then when Cheng xiao is actually trying to give ma haowen advice, gjm just goes WELL I DISAGREE, THIS IS RENYU'S FAULT and everyone's like wtffffff???? And then he starts saying people can help Xinhai with his terrible dance (ouch) but renyu didnt help haowen sing and Huang enyu MY CHILD just goes: but dancing and singing are different....... and I'm just smh.... gjm really shouldnt act like he knows everything when hes the only mentor with zero actual relevant experience :( Poor renyu literally looks like hes about to burst into tears, ma haowen looks so sorry and appalled renyu's getting yelled at and none of the other mentors seem to agree with gjm lol 

lets appreciate renyu’s song, its really good!!! 

Lol this whole mentor segment is a mess but man chaowen and renyu won a lotta votesss ayyy

I think xue en seeing hwh as a pro rapper shows him humbling himself, since hes technically a more seasoned and popular idol performer

Cheng xiao fangirling over xue en I mean SAME hahahahahahaha awwwwww yzx being soooo genuinely happy for xue en is the cutest!!! Aw cto friendship and xue en crying :’) actually one thing ive noticed i feel like yzx seems like a genuinely kind and cheerful friend, maybe people are bashing him bc he pushed off some leaderly responsibilities to lin mo in the last round but maybe hes just not someone to take on a strict leader role (looks at aj from afo...) and realized that since lin mo has such experience and is really good at it, it makes sense to respect his experience and skill and let him take on that role. of course its unfortunate that means lin mo worked extra for less recognition, but i think it seems like yzx really respected and admired him so im hopeful what happened wasnt due to mean intentions 

watching chen junhao feeling lost oh man :/ maybe he hadnt fully prepared himself for the idol life when first coming on this show. its unfortunate reality that in this kind of idol survival show, the focus is more on stage presence and face and performance, rather than the music itself. Hopefully he really feels that hes found a path forward through this performance. This is a really real way to present him but I'm sad theres not as much focus on li chenxu when this is hissss song

Man both the self composed songs are really good!! Mann them making this song a dance song is really hard to watch for li chenxu bc its makes it hard for him to shine at his own song which is sad :( also lzx's rap is questionable lol but cjh's vocal part in the middle part is so emotional, I hope he felt like he was able to express himself fully there

Lol does gjm not realize they didnt have a choice to not dance. Lollllll cheng xiao literally said they had too much to do and tried very hard but he didnt listen.

Aww jackson teaching them about team work :') o gosh I have PTSD about jin fan getting classified as a vocal now after uuu..... also not surprised the entire segment was about sxl and even the judging portion lol....

Oof Jin fan's voiceeee I love

Man why does Jin fan always get stuck in not dance songs ><

more appreciation for xu zhaohao vocals pls!!! imo sxl has a poor attitude :/ he doesnt perform calmly under pressure and isnt doing well at making a good atmosphere for practice

LOL why do i feel like lin mo is always saying "song" things hahahah hes really a kid

but mannn yan an just walking into the elevator is so oof

Aw duan xuyu is too nice... but I guess this is the leader in him coming out

Aw yan an immediately encouraging xikan when he lost the center to him

Lolll xikans little “heheh” when he won 

Mannnn ngl even tho yan an leaves the show, I kinda wish he had a bigger role in this perf bc it's literally like his jam.... chinese style influenced dance.... I wish he had at least 1 memorable dance move, like I feel like Luo Joe already had one in the last perf and he has one again here (and hes very talented and he deserves recognition!) but yan an has yet to really show anything and im scared hes gonna just disappear soon :/

They all did so well tho!!! Truly a group of dancers. Really made me want to rewatch the whole thing immediately. altho the beginning I cant unsee the lin mo meme LOL 

and xikan did really well!! His stage presence is real. And hes put effort into his facial expressions

Luo Joe being cute is iconic

Aw yan an cheering on lin mo when revealing his votes!!

Aw I'm surprised 100 ways kids didnt get more votes.... lol ngl i feel like this show is just randomly adding vote bonuses in for random reasons not prespecified for kids they like.... cough gjm yet again

but oo the next ep looks fun hahahha im excited for a happier ep thats not as stressful.

Ycw keeping it real 2020: "im not good at controlling emotions.... i hope if you want to cry or laugh do it loudly, dont care about what other people think"

ok so maybe im liking more new kids than i expected, but i think thats a good thing that the show is making them likable and some kids are able to stand out! honestly i realized I kinda can see why they eliminated so many to begin with. It's sad but also kinda nice tbh (ouch, i know) bc if they really got rid of the ones who have less skill, it makes it easier for the others who dont have to teach from zero (cough lin mo) And then those with skill get to have at least 3(?) stages, unlike qcyn where jin fan got eliminated after only doing 1 silly stage lol The skill level of the stages is also raised, like there's multiple groups of almost all people who are well qualified. im sure the kids are happy that they get to do more stages, im sure that means a lot to them. 

At least on snzm they attempt to give most trainees a positive light and give screentime to more than just the top 10 trainees. and they allow someee time for vocals, dancers and rappers to get appreciation (even tho dancers are still dominating lol)

but yea honestly I disliked the judging on pdc2019 too tho so at least the judges here can be supportive... at times. it is SUPER biased and gjm is very vocal despite his lack of knowledge tho lol 

it's so bad bc I feel like my standards for shows are so low at this point. my standards get lowered with every show I watch. It's like I guess the snzm songs are okay bc I hated the ones on afo more so at least the stages aren't thattt bad lol At least the rules/general setup aren't as terrible as they were on afo..... at least the camera time isnt as biased as it was on qcyn.... sigh the show isnt doing great, and itd be best if the show would help the tygers get more popular, but I guess its prob better than just doing nothing at star master lol. 

qcyn was just painful to watch from "spirit of the knight" onward bc momo literally was buried, mistreated, disrespected and taken advantage of. at least on snzm he gets some screentime and positive recognition.....

tbh i like snzm, maybe thats an unpopular opinion, but at least there have been some really great stages, where the kids really get to shine. at least i can confidently say that bc of snzm, i have met some new kids who i will be sure to follow for new music moving forward :)