#and im really struggling to remember any RECENT ideas

[daedalusdavinci]

ok im gonna answer this and then im gonna go to bed but my beloved @dubiousfruitsalad has requested one of those journal things and im going to try and deliver

Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.

you know for a while i actually wanted to write a sequel to tactical retreat (which, for those who dont know, is a medievalstuck dvekat fic where karkat is a knight and dave is a farmer who inspires him to leave his traumatic job and accept that his dream has changed over the years and tbh i think its still pretty well written i just reread it recently and i really had so many genius comedic moments w that fic tbh sollux is ICONIC but thats neither here nor there (read my fic))

in the first chapter i introduced a character named dave, nicknamed "crow", who was another knight who worked with karkat and frequently had guard duty watching over the prince, john. this was supposed to be davesprite and was a setup for a johndavesprite fic i was going to write after i finished tactical retreat, which was going to focus on a much more traditional knight/prince dynamic bc i am, unfortunately, such a sucker for that kind of thing. i think moreso than any other kid, john fits really well in the role of a prince striving to live up to his dads legacy but chafing uncomfortably under the role as someone who just loves pranks and screwing around. dave is, obviously, such a good knight character, and davesprite and john in particular have such a complicated and tragic relationship in canon where davesprite gave up his whole timeline and ruined his own life just to save john, without ever getting to meet his own john in person, and then for him to butt heads so hard with the john he saved, its just so. ugh. i feel a lot of ways about it. theyre perfect to me. i love a messy relationship

in this au crow/davesprite was going to be an immigrant from derse who immigrated when he was very young and had to work very hard to get his position in the knights, which is part of the reason why he and karkat get along so well, as they both come from similar backgrounds and similarly struggled to prove themselves. hes known john since they were relatively young as dadbert thought it was important for john to train alongside the knights, so theyre extremely close despite how often they drove each other crazy as kids. its very much a situation of john looking towards his future with creeping horror and leaning heavily on crow while he tries to balance his fathers expectations with his desire to cling to youth. on top of that, as they grow out of some of their younger immaturity and into themselves, theres a steadily growing attraction between them that theyre carefully and delicately trying to navigate when they both know johns position wont allow it.

ultimately, however, i ended up scrapping the whole thing as i got further and further into writing tactical retreat, so it never made it past an idea. the message of tactical retreat was so anti knights and blatantly used knights as an allegory for governmental force and police, and i just didnt feel good about writing a followup fic that glamorized knights the way the dvejohn fic wouldve required. i felt like it wouldve undermined what i worked so hard to convey. i still like the story idea, but it definitely doesnt have any place within the tactical retreat universe. however, you can absolutely still see the traces of that idea in the first chapter.

this is unfortunately far, far from the only time i have ever written a fic with the intention of writing a sequel that i never actually wrote. im just following the dopamine babey

[nana-au]

Eren Jaeger Loves Taking Photos of You

₊˚ପ⊹ fluff + smut - MDNI

₊˚ପ⊹ warnings: consensual photo taking, m! masturbation, oral m! receiving,  slight oral f! receiving, p in v sex lol (no protection) 

₊˚ପ⊹ word count: 1.3k

₊˚ପ⊹ not proof read im sowwy

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

Eren loves taking photos of you. 

It reminds him of the first time he saw you - on Sasha’s private snap. You were in pajamas with your hair tied up out of your face. Your hand covered your mouth, obviously mid laugh when Sasha snapped the picture. He felt like he was gut punched, maybe even a little offended Sasha never mentioned you. Why would she? He doesn’t know, but he does feel betrayed. Mikasa was next to you, leaning on your shoulder for the picture. The caption: ‘movie night with these girls’ followed by a heart emoji. Maybe if he wasn’t so enthralled by you he would feel shame for sliding up, asking for your socials. I mean, if you're Sasha and Mikasa’s friend, it was only a matter of time you would be his too. What’s the harm in speeding up the process?

The second photo was a group photo. Jean, Connie, Armin, Mikasa, Sasha, Eren, and of course you. The group photo wasn’t his idea but he was adament it was taken on his phone. He noted you covered your smile again. He remembered making a mental note at the time that he needed to get you out of your shell. 

More photos followed after the night he convinced you your face was nothing to hide. You two still weren’t together yet, but the tension between you two wasn’t going unnoticed by the group. Your legs would rub against each other when you were sat side by side with him. He found any excuse to touch you. Adjusting your fly away’s, wiping the ice cream off your chin, whispering jokes in your ear to name a few. You did the same, shoving his shoulder when he said something cheeky. Or grabbing his biceps when walking side by side. You swore every time you grabbed him you would never get over how strong he felt. The night he told you he wished you weren’t so camera shy was the night you spilled your feelings to him. How you developed later in life and that you always felt behind your peers. You grew up the odd kid and you still struggled to fathom you weren’t still that awkward girl from high school. It was just the two of you on the loveseat of Armin and his shared apartment. He squeezed your thigh and his genuine eyes spoke to you before his words did. “You are really a sight for sore eyes.”

Even as just friends you felt more loved than you had ever felt from another human being before. Because of this, it felt incredibly natural becoming his girlfriend. The flash of his phone’s camera became more prevelant than before. He insisted taking pictures of you dressed up pretty for your dates or when you were sleeping soundly in his arms.

In the back of his mind he always knew the next step to his new hobby of photography. It came to a head one night with his hands in his pants while he panted against his pillow. His bottom lip was between his teeth and his fist was becoming sloppy imagining you spread open and allowing him to take a picture of it. Afterwards, he wouldn’t be able to get it out of his head, but he was still scared to bring it up to you. He didn’t want you to be uncomfortable - you had only recently stopped shying away from his lense. He couldn’t ruin that for you. But the nights he pondered the mental image of you letting him capture your most delicate moments pushed him to the edge unbelievably fast. His hot cum would shoot onto his stomach and cover his hand. He used to think it was impossible for him to have such a large load until his fantasies started. 

He decided the digital form of your naked body was a no-go. That’s why he bought his first polaroid. He asked for your permission of course,  promising it would be kept between you and him only. He used it during the first time you went down on him. It was hard at first to lift up the camera, he was too lost in the pleasure of your tongue. Your mouth fit him perfectly even though you were nervous he would fit. He knew he would, and he knew you would make him feel this good. He massaged your jaw each time you took him deeper. His fingers lightly stroked your throat as he lined up the camera. Click. He set the photo down next to him, getting ready for the next. “Look at me sweet girl,” he cooed. Your eyes reached his. Click. Another photo joined him on the bed. You were on your knees in front of him, taking him in the back of your throat. You tasted the salty precum every time you ran your tongue against his head. His head lolled back for awhile, basking in the feeling of your tight throat. His hips moved into yours, but only lightly. He didn’t want to hurt you. He wanted to wait till the end to see the developed photos but he couldn’t muster the patience needed. He picked up the last one he took, your doe eyes looking at him with pure love. He groaned, professing his undying loyalty to you and your warm wet mouth. You were such a good girl, wanting to swallow his cum when he came but he knew what needed to happen. He gripped your hair and pulled you off of him, requesting you to close your eyes. He spilled his seed all over your face, cumming loud against your features. When he was done he rubbed his tip against your lips and you opened your eyes, not expecting one final click. He praised you all day about how beautiful you were. That you were meant for the camera. 

You were most nervous for the day he wanted to take pictures of your wet pussy stuffed full with his cock. He spent an hour warming you up for it. Lapping at your clit with his tongue, using his index finger to tease the entrance of your pussy. He wouldn’t give it all to you, making sure to leave restless. Restless and ready. By the time he pushed himself in you were dripping against his cock. If he wasn’t so determined to photograph the moment he could have easily been lost in the bliss of your plush walls. He pushed himself as far as he could go, causing you to mewl out at how deep he was. His hand pressed down against your stomach and he snapped a picture. He allowed to lose himself for the moments it took to development. Skin slapping against skin as you gripped at his thighs. He made sure to praise you through all of it. Your pussy was heaven. You looked so sexy under him. You were such a good girl for letting him savor this for later. He pulled your legs completely over his shoulder, locking you in with one arm. The other lined up for yet another photo of his member deep inside you. He threw the camera down as it developed, going slow and sweet talking you. He needed to let you know how much he appreciated this. He reached down to play with your clit and you were quick to fall apart. You secretly loved the photos as much as he did. Seeing the ones of you taking his cock in your mouth turned you on more than you thought it would. You couldn’t wait to see the ones he was taking and you came hard at the thought of being able to see you stuffed full of him. He rode you through your climax before manipulating your body onto all fours, pounding you hard, determined to cum too. “You were made for me, huh?” He asked and you replied incoherently. Your walls gripped his length at the thought of what was to come; His semen that was about to spill into you.

He thought he would pass out once he finally saw it. His cum spilling out of your folds, you whining at the feeling. He lines up his camera one last time for the day. Click.

[ot9snumber1]

rabbit hole

sana minatozaki x reader

summary: sana dislikes—no, hates your idea of love.

warnings: suggestive, angst, fluff, roommate!sana, emetophobia very briefly mentioned, reader is an idiot

notes: inspired by 'rabbit hole' - deco*27! i've been getting into vocaloid recently 🤓

also i wrote this overnight? i've never written so fast before im scared dove what did u do to me (lovingly) (but seriously im finally free from writers block hooray!) (also this means its not proofread sorry)

wc: 4.1k

—

the loud slam of the door jolts sana awake, nearly falling off the couch as she sat up. her heart sinks, thinking that someone had broken in—but when you emerge from the dark hallway, she sighs out of relief.

sana checks the clock, 1:30 am. "you're home late. again." she mumbles, standing up and keeping the blanket wrapped around herself as she stopped you from going up the stairs. you groan, just wanting to take your clothes off and sleep.

"are you drunk?"

"no."

sana doesn't believe you. she steps closer, leaning in to smell your breath. you ignore the way your heart skipped a beat at that. instead of smelling liquor, her nose scrunches at the scent of perfume. it wasn't yours, nor hers, nor from the girl you slept with two days ago.

somehow, that made her feel worse than if you had actually been drunk.

"who was it this time?" she asks, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to the kitchen. sana hates that you struggled to keep up with her. "doesn't matter, i've done better."

she cringes at your words. "you can't just say that." sana mumbles frustratedly, letting go of you to get you a glass of water. her blanket falls by your feet. "what? that i've done better? because i have! this girl was, like,—"

"no! that it doesn't matter!" she whisper–yells, not wanting to wake any nosy neighbors up. sana forces you to hold the glass of water before picking the blanket up off the ground. "you don't even know her name, do you?"

you bite your lip, desperately trying to remember who you were begging to earlier. "uh.."

"you're–so—" sana looks like she wants to kill you. understandably so, but you think she's just being weirdly overprotective. she sighs, shaking her head. "i'm going to bed." is all she mumbles before pushing past you.

you watch as she disappears into your apartment. shrugging, you lean against the doorway and drink your water.

"what's her problem?"

—

"i don't know! i have to snap her out of this or something. it's getting worse every night!" she was watching you from the corner of her eye. it wasn't like she didn't trust nayeon or the people she invited over, she just didn't trust what you'd do in a room full of strangers.

(a room full of nayeon's really attractive friends is how she'd describe it.)

momo puts a hand on sana's arm, her other hand taking her cup. she frowned, worried for her best friend as she grew antsy just talking about you.

"okay, first of all, that's enough drinking for you." momo mumbled, downing the rest of sana's drink despite the angry pout on her face. "second, you need to tell her that this shit's unhealthy."

"i've tried!"

"angrily taking care of her when she comes home isn't confronting her."

sana's pout gets deeper. she hadn't even said anything that would make momo think that... but she knew she couldn't argue with her. that did happen to be what she was doing after all.

"either way, she's either drunk out of her mind or smelling too much like someone else for me to even think of telling her to stop." sana sounds hopeless at this point, leaning against a wall and throwing her head back against it. "i don't think that second thing should stop you from confronting them...?" momo's eyebrows furrow, trying to make sense of what sana was saying.

she gasps, "unless—you're jealous?"

sana freezes, attention going to momo. "no? no! that's—i'm not like that—i care about them—" she stammers, trying to deflect what momo just said until her eyes land on you. you were across the room, rolling your eyes at something chaeyoung said.

she looks back at momo, then you, then momo. "maybe i am? that's not the main point, though! what she's doing is totally unhealthy!" sana spews out, her words almost faster than momo could comprehend. (she had years of experience in sana-speak, though. sana could make unintelligible noises and she'd still understand what she was saying.)

"calm down, sha. i'm not saying you're only doing this because you're jealous." momo reassures, but sana could tell she was biting back a laugh. "i'm just saying that it's bugging you more because you care so much about her as a friend and because you've had feelings for her since she moved in."

sana sighs. "you're right. sorry for getting defensive."

momo shrugs, giving her a reassuring smile. "don't apologize. i'll get us some more drinks."

sana watches as momo walks away, trying to shrink into the wall while she was alone. she liked meeting new people but not when she felt unease build up in her stomach.

she should just talk to you, she thinks. if she can hear that you're doing fine right now then her nerves will be completely gone for the rest of the—

"who is that?" sana asks, entire body tensing up when momo comes back with two cups in hand. momo looks to where sana was glaring at and winces.

you were talking to one of nayeon's friend's friend's friend. she was a bit all up in your face for someone you just met.

"chaewon i think was her name? she came here with sakura. sakura's mina's friend and—" momo purses her lips when sana storms her way over to you. she sighs, looking down at the cups she was holding. "more for me."

—

"i can't." you whine as chaewon wrapped her arms around your neck, bringing you even closer. she laughs, throwing her head back. you stare at her neck and lick your lips, wondering how good she'd look when you leave your mark on her. "my roomie's driving me home." you pout, "she doesn't like when i bring girls over."

"tell her you're going home with me, then." she shrugs, retracting an arm to take a sip of her drink. "kkura can catch a ride with someone else, she'll understand." chaewon's offer sounds way too good to turn down, especially when she props the cup against your lips for you to drink.

you accept, eyes locking with hers as you accept the alcohol happily. "how's that sound?"

"perf—"

"excuse me." someone interjects, using all of her strength to separate you and chaewon. you groan, about to shove the intruder away until you realize it was sana. that makes you groan again. "sorry, i have to take this one home." sana says, an arm wrapping around your waist as she stared chaewon down

your eyebrows furrow. "what? no you don't!" you hiss, trying to push sana away from you. she just tightens her grip around you. "i'm going with chaewon."

"no you're not." sana replies through gritted teeth. "sorry about her," she smiles, false sweetness all over her demeanor. "she's like this all the time. she's not what you're looking for."

sana practically drags you away from chaewon and out of the apartment. on your way out, she mouths a 'gotta go!' to nayeon, who takes one look at you and nods understandingly.

needless to say, you're pissed.

you were about to have the night of your life! the best sex you'd had in.. well, a few weeks, you think. your last handful of partners were nothing but time killers. ugh, that made it even worse. why was sana so mad about your sex life anyway?!

you were sulking the entire ride, arms crossed and refusing to even have her in your peripheral vision. sana notices and it drives her crazy.

she quickly pulls over, driving you equally crazy. the tension in that car was thick.

"what is with you?!" sana nearly shrieks, turning to face you. you gasp, finally looking at her. "what is with me? i'm not the one unnecessarily inserting myself in my roommate's sex life!"

"what the fuck are you talking about? i'm trying to protect you!"

"from what, sana? hot girls?"

sana let out a big exhale. you were being so frustrating—more so than usual. if it weren't for the seatbelts and the fact you both care about each other, you probably would've been at each other's throats by now.

"from doing whatever this is!" her words are accompanied by gesturing to you with both of her hands. you still didn't get it. "don't you realize how unhealthy this is?"

you blink, tilting your head in confusion. "unhealthy would be the last word i'd use to describe love, sana."

her eyes widen. "love—?" she leans back in her seat, exasperated. "you've gotta be fucking kidding." sana mumbles, her hands finding their way to the steering wheel. her knuckles go white at how tight she was holding on.

"what?" you were genuinely puzzled at her reaction. "aren't you like, the number one advocate for loving in your own way?"

"this is not love!" her eyes are back on you. you frown, she was genuinely intimidating now. "you are hurting yourself! you're letting these people take advantage of you... i don't know! you wanting to be held?"

you scoff, rolling your eyes and leaning back. "you don't get it. it's not my fault miyeon broke up with your sorry ass." the words leave your mouth before you could even process that you had the guts to think about sana like that. "wait, no—i'm sorry—"

"fuck off." sana mumbles, shifting the car back into drive.

you stay put the rest of the ride, feeling a pit grow deep inside your stomach.

—

sana wasn't home the next morning. you weren't sure if she had plans or work—she'd always tell you beforehand. it made you feel even worse, it took a miracle to get through breakfast without throwing up. the same went for the rest of the day.

by the time the sun set, you were shaking from nerves. you didn't want to face sana when she came home. you didn't want to keep thinking about her and what she said and what you said and what you've been doing.

instead, you get the brilliant idea to respond to your ex's text that you'd left on delivered for three hours.

y/n: pick me up in 10

do not reply: knew you'd come around ;)

you throw up in the toilet before you leave.

—

you don't even make it out of the parking lot of your apartment.

lisa's parked in the furthest corner, too dark for anyone to see inside and too far for anyone to hear how you were panting against her.

you were wedged between lisa and the back of the passenger seat. she pushed her thigh further against your throbbing pussy, biting your lip with a smile. "fuck, couldn't wait to see me, huh?" she hums as she watches you grind down on her thigh desperately.

"you've been thinking about me, haven't you? dressed up so slutty.. you wanted me to fuck you in here, no?" lisa's voice grows raspy as she toyed with the fishnets on your legs.

her words fall on deaf ears. your body was enjoying this, but your mind was far away from the woman sucking on your collarbone. you're not even sure why you chose this stupid bunny outfit sana bought you for april fools.

there it is again, you were thinking about sana. sana sana sana sana. no matter what you did, she was clouding your mind!

"turn around baby, i wanna see what set you're wearing for me." lisa whispers and you obey absentmindedly, still thinking about what sana said to you while she undid the ties holding your corset together.

then it hits you.

sana likes you.

she's jealous that you're sleeping with everyone but her!

you gasp, making lisa peek from behind you. "what's wrong, baby?"

you swat her hands away from your back, turning around. "oh my god. sana's in love with me."

"your roommate?"

you nod. lisa frowns, "what does that—"

"i'm so sorry, i have to go!" you mutter, clumsily opening the door and climbing out of it. lisa's calling after you, frustrated and confused to the max as you ran back to your apartment.

the slamming of the front door makes sana flinch, immediately muting the show she was watching. her head whips to you clumsily running into the living room, kicking your heels off as soon as you saw her.

sana's eyes widen and she's furious again—"what the hell are you wearing?" she stands up, but gets pushed down by you once you make it in front of her. she hates that you look good in that stupid outfit she bought and hates that she can tell your corset was halfway undone.

"doesn't matter—i get what you were trying to tell me yesterday."

"you do?"

sana looks hopeful as you sit next to her, that sweet smile you adored gracing her face.

"yes!" you grin. the way she was smiling at you made you feel like your heart was going to jump out of your chest. "and i'm really sorry for what i said yesterday, that was really shitty of me."

sana shakes her head, "it's okay. you were mad, so was i. i think i could've been nicer but—if it helped you realize it in the end, i guess it's all in the past."

you nod eagerly, barely able to contain your excitement as you lunge forward and kiss her. you sigh, it felt so good to love h—

sana pulls away, hand on your chest to keep you at a distance. "what the fuck?"

your heart sinks. "what? don't you—i thought you liked me?"

sana blinks, looking as shocked as she did yesterday. "of all the things i yelled at you about, that's what you got out of it?"

"isn't that what you were trying to tell me?"

"no, oh my god!"

sana was pacing in front of you now while you were sat and looking up at her like a dumb bunny. (you kind of were one, anyway.)

"i don't want to yell at you again, i'm going to bed."

you watch her leave, snapping out of a trance when she slams the door.

you look back to the tv to see what sana was watching.

the bachelorette, greaaaat. you roll your eyes and change the channel. seeing someone else's messy love life didn't really make you feel better about yours.

huffing, you take your bunny headband off and stare at it down on your lap. what was so hard for you to understand?

—

you were laying face down on nayeon's couch a week later. you'd been ignoring sana, feeling guilty every time you even thought of her. it didn't exactly help that she kept checking up on you anyway.

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: u ok?

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: i won't be home tonight, staying at momo's

sana-ya 💜💜💜💜: lmk if u need anything

"sana texted again." nayeon hums as she sees your phone light up beside her. you'd tossed it out of frustration onto the floor half an hour ago. nayeon was on the floor so she could comb through your hair with a comb she accidentally bought. it was one of those metal tooth ones meant to capture lice.

"you really need to talk to her, y/n."

"i knooooow!" you whine. nayeon was inspecting your hair really well, surprisingly. not that you actually had lice, she was just bored and you were miserable. at least it was relaxing?

"i don't know what to say, though! i've been a complete idiot! what if she hates me?"

"she's been sending you texts every day since you started leeching off me."

you groan. why must sana be the sweetest person ever?

"i'm not leeching off you."

"then go home tonight."

you groan again.

nayeon sits back, putting the comb away and letting you lift your head to face her. "if you're so convinced that she's either jealous or trying to control what you do, why do you care? it's not like you to be this affected by what anyone says."

you shrug, turning around to lay on your back. "i'm trying to figure that out. i'd say it's because she's my roommate but that never stopped me from going behind her back in the past."

"and it's not like i'd give a shit if anyone else told me to fuck off. or push me away if i tried to kiss them."

nayeon raises an eyebrow, "so sana's special?"

"i guess."

she grins. it was nothing she didn't know, she just wanted to hear it from you. "hope you know you've been in love with her for a while now."

you sit up, looking at her like she was crazy. "nayeon. when i say you're crazy i really mean it."

she shakes her head. "no! i'm being serious! think about it, why were you so eager to leave lisa when you thought sana liked you?"

you purse your lips, genuinely thinking about what nayeon was saying.

"and this entire thing of yours started when sana went on a trip abroad with momo! you didn't have access to the most affectionate person in your life for two weeks and you kept whining about how they kept posting each other like they were dating!"

nayeon gets up and sits beside you, rubbing your arm gently. "i didn't say anything at first because god knows you would've told me to fuck off."

"oh, and didn't one of the girls you hooked up with warn you about how bad this was too? what was her name... jihyo? and you wouldn't even listen to her."

"i think i get it, nayeon."

"shhh, no, let me have this. sana's the only person you ever listened to, or at the very least considered changing yourself for. love isn't whatever the hell you're doing to replace the lack of affection in your life—"

"ouch." you grumble, but nayeon just tells you to take it. you do, she was right anyway. "love is how you're acting about sana."

you cringe. "that was the cheesiest thing you could have ever said to me." you mumble as you hug her. "but you're right, i think. thank you."

—

you don't slam the door closed this time, not wanting to give sana a heart attack with how many times you'd done it before.

as you approach her, you take note of the fact she was watching the bachelorette again. maybe the fake messiness of it all was comforting to her.

"sana?" you whisper, taking a seat beside her. she blinks, surprised to see you home at all. apologies die down in your throat. she looked so gentle.

"i thought you were at momo's?"

"nayeon texted me saying that you might need someone to come home to."

you smile, unable to look her in the eyes anymore. "i'm sorry, sana. for everything. i've been really stupid for the past few months."

"more than stupid, but go on."

you chuckle lightly, your body feeling lighter after realizing she really didn't resent you. "i was too stubborn to listen to anyone about it. except you, evidently. you're... really special to me."

"and i'm sorry for kissing you the other night! god, i was really dumb and just jumped at the chance that you might love me too because i really didn't want to consider that you were right about me hurting myself." sana listened intently as you rambled out your apologies. you were really making sure that you apologized for anything and everything—so much had happened and you hated that sana got caught up in it.

"and i shouldn't have talked about your relationship with miyeon like that. i know how hard it was for you and i was just deflecting and being an ass. sorry."

your eyes meet hers again, sad and brimming with tears. you hold in your breath until she crawls over and hugs you tightly. you hug her back just as tight, crying into her cream colored sweater.

"thank you," sana whispers. "i'm glad you've finally come to your senses. i forgive you." you let out the biggest sigh of relief as she rubs your back comfortingly.

"and i think i'm in love with you."

"i know."

you're suddenly pulled into her lap. sana peels your body off of her so she could wipe your tears away and hold your face. "i.. i love you too, but let me think about it first? this whole situation was so..."

"messy?"

"that's not how i'd describe it, but i guess, yeah, it was messy."

you nod, "it's okay, i understand."

the bachelorette was still playing in the background, filling in the silence between you and sana.

"can i watch with you?"

sana nods, letting you snuggle up beside her. it takes a minute for the two of you to adjust, but as soon as you do, she's talking your ear off about what you need to know about the contestants.

you listen, paying more attention to her expressions than what she's saying.

it felt good to have this again.

—

it's been two months since you confessed your love to sana.

you never bugged her about it, but she remembered to tell you that she was still thinking about it every now and then. you didn't really mind, anyway, the two of you were back to being attached at the hip and that was more than enough for you.

"have you seen sana?"

you were back at nayeon's place, celebrating her girlfriend's birthday. nayeon looks around, lips pursed. "over there!" she yells because the two of you were standing right by the big speaker chaeyoung brought. "thanks!" you yell back before making your way across the room to sana.

you weave through the crowd, nearly tripping over yourself three times before you finally land in front of sana...

who was talking to someone else.

you try not to be jealous, but it was incredibly hard when the girl she was talking to was visibly falling for her!

you didn't want to look overly possessive, especially because the two of you weren't officially dating. you start walking away, but sana catches you in the corner of her eye.

"y/n!" she calls out, her voice as bubbly as ever. you freeze for a moment but turn back to her and walk over with a tight smile. "hi, sana. hi.." you turn to the girl she was talking to, observing her.

"soyeon."

you give her a polite smile before turning back to your roommate. "did you need anything?" she asks, noticing that you've been trying to talk to her the entire time you've been here. "no... just... wanted to see you...?"

they both stare at you for a bit, soyeon extremely confused while sana blushes and giggles. you want the ground to swallow you whole—what kind of an excuse was that?!

"you're adorable, you know?"

you laugh awkwardly and decide to walk away after that. you didn't know how to act knowing other people were interested in your sana.

unluckily for you, she was being talked to all night long. one person after the other, always being stopped when you could see she was trying to make her way to you.

it pissed you off.

you weren't sure what else to do, though, so you just sat on nayeon's couch and sulked for the rest of the night.

—

sana was humming along to the song playing in the car, making sure to take the long route back home.

"can't last a night without being my center of attention, huh?" she teases, looking over to you while stopped at a red light. you blush, thankful for the red light. (sana's smile made you realize she knew you were blushing anyway.)

"you make me sound terrible." you huff, lips forming a pout. sana chuckles, "i think it's cute."

"wanna go out tomorrow?" she asks, humming as her eyes focus back to the road. you turn to look at her, partly confused and partly because you just wanted to stare at her pretty face. "are you asking me out?"

"duh."

"but i thought you needed time to think about it...?"

"if you don't want to go out with me, i have soyeon's number, just so you know."

you whine, hitting her arm lightly. "kidding, kidding." she laughs. "it's been two months, n/n. i'm sure i've had a thought since then."

you roll your eyes, you hated how much she loved to mess with you sometimes. "yeah, whatever. i expect to be pampered and be the center of your attention tomorrow." you tease, relaxing back into your seat.

"of course, your majesty."

she stops at another red light, quickly leaning over to kiss you. "only if you do the same for me on the next date, deal?"

you stare at her, completely flustered while she tucks your hair behind your ear. she's so irritating, you love her so bad.

you kiss her again, "deal."

[helplessautomaton]

hii could request message 4 with Poe? pleaseee

4 (“i'm so glad you feel the same cause i refuse to leave you”)

personally loving the individual poe requests (even though the event is over) despite the little hard ships. sorry for my slowness im struggling here mentally but im trying!!

WC 649 // tws: average Y!poe being a tad bit creepy (nothing sexual dw)

The bookstore and library was your favorite place to visit, the quietness and overall tranquility kept bringing you back along with your preferred genre. The workers at the bookstore memorized your face, greeting you like you were one of their own. You really couldn't ask for more, everyone knew how to keep tight and not bother anyone. The bookstore was tiny and uneventful but it had all the right books you wanted and it kept drawing you back every time.

Other patrons of the bookstore were just as pleasant, your own personal wonderland. Recently a new person came in, the outfit worn was wildly different than any other usual clothing you’d seen. You only admired from afar, really it was all you could do for a man who stood out completely in a small store. It's hard not to gawk eyes at a man with a raccoon on his shoulders purring happily at his company. You don't remember how you got to talking with the man, he was pleasant as he could be. Much to your surprise you two got along fairly fast, you loved to talk about everything about the current book you were into that month. You got more out of the tiny bookstore when hanging out with the man, Poe alongside his best friend, Karl. hanging out and drinks were commonplace with the two of you, you didn't fear Poe. 

Yet with all the moments you hung out with him, it was hard to fully grasp all the complexities hidden within the man you spend every second with. His beautiful eyes swirling with admiration towards every detail about your figure then to a dark glimmer when it's anyone else near you. His endless rants were genuinely nice to listen to and you’d even asked questions to some of the rambled up words and plans he’d spit out comfortably with you. Clasping his hands together with a massive smile on his face as he rambled on more excitedly the two of you sharing ideas with each other. You never knew the full extent to the insanity you led him to during the first moments of ever meeting him.

The way your hair and eyes caught his heart enough to start twisting and distorting his very reality with every soft moment of yours. The multitude of letters piling up in a hidden away drawer, never to see any light ever since the first ink drop sealed on to the soft material. 

Your feelings came slowly, not yet in true love but enough to risk some of your wellbeing for him. Poe was glad you two never got interrupted often, his jealousy is an ugly beast that he couldn't let you see just yet. You’d understand no? Understand the burning love within his heart that could only burn because of you? Every late night spent feeling his mind slip away and every part of you filling the space up, every immoral thought of keeping you by his side forever. Every touch of his hands covering up his face at the mere thought of a simple kiss from your lips. It's driving him mad and there's no sign of stopping. But his question was answered when you asked him to stay just a little longer.

You confessed to him, full understanding if he wasn't interested but the barely contained whisper that left his mouth was all you wanted. “i-I’m so glad you feel the same ca-cause i refuse to leave you.”

The swirl of madness in his eyes only worsened and he took you by hand aggressively spouting nonsense in a state of flustered obsession. “I’ve wa-waited so long for this moment!”  He was so happy you loved him back! Now you won't ever leave him right? Won't go out of your way to leave the world he's building just for the two of you? Afterall you feel the same.

[cosmal]

okay so im currently struggling with really bad body image/restriction & all i can think of recently is james potter just being so, so kind and patient and gentle and helpful with a shy s/o struggling with the same things. letting them wear his quidditch sweater when they're insecure, making sure they eats, forehead kisses when he's proud of them, etc. i totally respect if you're not comfy writing for this, i adore your works<3

sweater

summary — james gives you his sweater when you're not feeling comfortable with yourself.

content — james potter x fem!afab!reader, tw for reader with body issues and eating issues, also I tried to keep the body description low because I didn't want to be too specific on why reader is feeling this way

note — thank u for the request lovely! i hope you're feeling better 🤍

You told James you’d be no longer than ten minutes. That ten minutes has well passed now and you’re sure he’s worrying crazy about you.

You did arrive when you said you would, but you’ve been standing outside the pub for at least twenty, trying to find the courage to go inside.

He’s probably sitting all alone inside and the thought makes you feel even worse about yourself, but still, your feet are stuck on the pavement and you can’t find the motivation to move.

You can feel your phone buzzing in your pocket, you ignore it because you know it'll be James. You think messaging him might be easier.

You stare at your reflection in the dirty window of the pub's front entrance instead of fishing for your phone. You look at your outfit - the last of many you'd rifled through whilst crying on the floor in front of your cupboard - and notice how it looks worse than it did in the lighting of your stuffy room.

It feels worse, too. The wind picks up and clings the material in spots you wish it didn't. You keep tugging the dress in an attempt to not feel so suffocated and end up feeling pathetic. You don't remember it being so short and the thought of going inside to sit down terrifies you. The idea of it riding up to show more of your legs, and it bunching around your torso makes you want to go home and sit in your pyjamas and fall asleep.

You don't want James to think you're ditching him, but for every possible scenario you see yourself in, all you can think about is how your outfit ruins it for you. The way you're feeling right now - the way you always feel about yourself - ruins it for you. Will ruin it for James.

Your phone dings and you think he knows you don't want to speak on the phone.

Everything ok love? xxx

You stare at the message until it blurs. You put him out of his misery and message back, feeling worse by the second.

sorry jamie. wont be long. x

You stand outside still and kick gravel. Holding your breath like a dizzy head is going to help in any way. You tug at the hem of your dress until the stitching cracks and try to find any ounce of confidence to go inside.

Patrons rush past you to get inside, out of the elements of the chilly, autumn afternoon air. You hear the bell above the door chime and then you hear his voice.

"There you are," he says softly, walking down the last few steps. His nice shoes click against the sandstone and you notice straight away how lovely he looks. His tan cords and maroon jumper. So simple but so very James. Effortlessly pretty.

He stands so close your shoes almost touch. "I'm sorry," you say in replacement of your usual warm greeting.

James frowns while opening his arms for a hug. You panic because he's about to feel you under his weight, scared of where he'll hold his hands. Though the thought of being buried in his chest almost makes the idea less painful.

"What're you sorry for, hmm?" he asks and you try to focus on anything else than the burning in your chest.

His scent, like spearmint and coffee, and a perfume of yours that you're not wearing now. The idea makes you tamp down the urge to cry. His chest is firm under your cheek where you've buried your face. You focus too hard on him for too long and you forget to answer.

He pulls you back and you startle. You miss his heat sorely. "Sweetheart?"

You clear your throat and blink. "Sorry."

"Y/N."

You shake your head and try to swallow. The words get caught in your throat and the way he's looking at you makes it harder. Soft eyes and an even softer frown. He's not pitying you, he looks sad. Even worse when he watches a tear dribble down your cold cheek.

"Hey," he says, half panicked, half worried. They blur into one emotion when he raises his hand to catch the tear before it curves down your chin. "C'mon."

He ushers you away from the entrance and to the brick wall curled around the side. Off of the pavement and under the awning to the side of the steps. "What's the matter."

Your tears slow because he's got his hands all over you. It's confusing because you don't want to be felt but he's not doing it for himself. He wants to calm you down.

"It's embarrassing," you mumble, craning your neck to wipe your cheek on the sleeve of your dress. You hope you don't get all snotty because it'll be embarrassing and you have no tissues.

"Let me be the judge of that," he says with the barest hint of a smile. He's still frowning and your chest feels worse. You hate it when you make him frown.

He'd never judge you. Never over anything that wasn't stupid, despite the fact that this feels stupid to you, he'd never. Over your favourite movie or how you like your eggs, maybe, but not this.

You say, "My dress," at a volume you're surprised he can hear.

"Your dress?" He looks at your outfit and you want to squirm out from where he's got his big hands on your arms.

"I don't," you take a big, gasping breath and try to fix your voice, "I don't like how I look in it. I don't like how I look in anything."

You and James have had this conversation before. It wasn't as emotional as right now, but he'd been lovely and understanding about the whole thing and he might be sweeter than he was before you told him if that's entirely impossible.

He tells you all the time how lovely you look. He knows when to compliment you on your outfit without being completely obvious about it. When he can tell you're struggling to choose an outfit or when he catches you staring at yourself in the mirror. I love that dress on you, honey. Or You've got your favourite top on! He's never specific but he always knows how to make you feel better.

"You feel uncomfortable?" he asks.

He never diminishes how you're feeling. If you don't like how you look, you don't like it. He likes to figure out how to help instead of telling you that you look good. That would be useless, a two-second conversation isn't going to get to the root of your problem straight away.

"I don't like how it feels on me," you sniffle, pulling at the material, "It's like I can't - like I can't breathe."

"Do you want to go home? We can eat in if you're feeling up to it?" He squeezes at your biceps and it feels nice. You lower your shoulders.

The idea is tempting, but you won't ruin his night. "I want to eat here."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," you say, not sounding very convincing.

"You're not lying to me?"

"Jamie..."

He bites his lip before letting you go. Reaching down to grasp the hem of his big sweater before tugging it over his head. He pushes his glasses back up his nose but ignores the mess of his hair.

"Arms up," he smiles.

"What?" you giggle despite yourself.

"You can wear this if you want," he says, bunching the soft woollen sleeves in his hands.

"You'll be cold," you tell him. All he's got is his white cotton tee.

"No I won't," he says firmly with a shake of his head.

You lift your arms because you won't win. And because you kinda do want to wear his jumper. You push your hands through the sleeves while he slips it over your head. When you pop back out with ruffled hair and a demure smile, James smiles even worse.

"How do I look?" you ask, twirling a little because you can't help it. It's strange how better you feel already. It's also not because James has that effect.

"Beautiful," he says and then doubles down, "You always look beautiful."

You feel like you might melt into a little puddle right then and there. Just slip right through the cracks of the pavement with the ants and weeds. "You're only saying that because I'm wearing your clothes."

James feigns offence, dropping his jaw and gasping, "Not true!" He's laughing now, "Not true. You look beautiful in everything."

He gets you into his arms and cages you against his chest, squeezing you tight and pushing his mouth into the side of your head, "And nothing."

"James!" you gasp but can't go anywhere. You don't really want to but it's fun to be this way with James. "You're dirty."

"I know," he says chuckling into your hair. "It's your fault though, babe. You bring it out of me."

You look turn to look at him and you smile. "Thank you."

"It's nothing," he says, smacking a kiss to your cheek. "Anything for you."

You kiss him back until he's grinning wildly like he can't help it. You how he's feeling because neither can you.

"Wanna go inside?" he asks when you pull back.

"We should."

"You feeling hungry?" he asks, snaking a hand down your arm to link your fingers.

"I could really go for some chips," you say honestly.

James grins, "Good," he says, "That's good. C'mon, I'll get you anything you like."

Of course, he will. You love him.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I (27m) the asshole for wanting my boyfriend (28m) to be attracted to me?

This involves sex as a topic but won't get explicit, I'll keep it vague. I'm asexual. Completely sex repulsed in a physical sense, mostly due to autistic sensory issues. I've never had any interest in sex and didn't have any libido at all before going on testosterone, so the way most allosexuals tend to view and think of sex is something I've always struggled to understand.

In previous relationships, my asexuality was handled in different ways depending on the person. One boyfriend was totally fine just not having a sexual aspect to our relationship, another one had a hookup he got my approval on. The compromise me and my last boyfriend came up with was that he'd text me his fantasies about me and that did a lot for him without me having to physically be in the situation, and even if I didn't get anything sexual out of it I did enjoy it. It was a confidence boost. I dont generally consider myself attractive or desirable, i wear sweaters in summer because im so self conscious, and this compromise actually did a lot to help me see myself in a different light.

I recently got into a new relationship and, as with every relationship I've been in, there's inevitably a discussion about how we're going to compromise on this issue. My new boyfriend didn't know anything about asexuality and barely understood when I explained but he's very insistent about not crossing my boundaries, which I appreciate. But the problem is, since he'd never considered sexuality from a less direct angle, he didn't really know where to even start with ideas when we were trying to work out a compromise. So, I started making suggestions, thinking back to what worked for other people I'd dated. Just abstaining wasn't going to be doable for him so I didn't suggest it, and he wouldn't be comfortable with a hookup.

I remembered my ex used to be able to get something out of telling me about his fantasies so I asked if that was something he'd be into. I wasn't angling to try to get him to agree to something, I genuinely just wanted to know whether or not that was an option to consider. He didn't actually answer at first, he went quiet and then he answered the question with another question and asked "wouldn't something like that make you uncomfortable?" And I said "no, because the physical component is the thing I have issues with, not the subject matter itself. So long as I don't have to directly engage in the situation, I'm golden."

I don't know if this is something that was really stupid of me to say and my autistic ass just didn't realize, but since he's so careful about my boundaries and comfort and tends to fret, I thought his problem in the moment was worry that I'd be making myself uncomfortable in an attempt to meet his needs. So I hurried to reassure him and said not only would it not make me uncomfortable, I'd enjoy it in a way. Not sexually, but I enjoy knowing that my partner is attracted to me. It makes me feel good about myself.

He got really upset. He doesn’t get upset easily and hadn't ever gotten properly upset with me before (at least not to this extent) so I was very taken aback, but I was floored by his reason for being upset. Not word for word, but he essentially said "so basically you want me to frustrate myself to feed your ego?"

I was, I think understandably, completely fucking appalled by such a suggestion. I said of course not, I was just suggesting something I knew worked for someone else because even if it wasn't his thing, we could narrow down options by process of elimination. Which made logical sense, to me. He wasn't calmed though, he started saying things like "so, you want your partner to be attracted to you even though you never plan on actually letting them act on that attraction? Do you see how cruel that is?" And... I don’t know, which is why I'm submitting this here. Is that cruel?

From my perspective, I would think it's only natural to want to know your partner finds you attractive, doesn't everyone want to be wanted to some degree? I don't get some sort of sadistic thrill out of it as he seemed to be implying, and I don't want it to impact my partners in a negative way. If this was something he would find frustrating then no, of course I wouldn't want him to frustrate himself, we could look at other options. When I made the suggestion, I figured the worst that would happen was he'd say no and we'd narrow down the list of options. I never imagined my moral character would be called into question.

He's usually so, so nice to me and it hit really hard for someone who’s usually so fond of me to say I sounded selfish and vain. Both actual words he used when this devolved into an argument. I explained my reasoning for suggesting it to begin with but he said the issue isn’t the suggestion, it's that he thinks that it's fucked up of me to want my partner to be attracted to me when I'm not going to indulge that attraction and it makes him wonder if I'm really a different, worse person deep down and he's only now getting to see it. He called it a red flag. That seemed like such a leap to me but I don't want to dismiss the suggestion out of hand. Many bad people think they're good people, so it's not out of the question.

This was our first real argument, previous disagreements had been talked out very calmly but emotions ran high with this one. I dont know if this is something that triggered him for deeper reasons, considering his reaction was so intensely out of the norm for him, or if the whole thing just looks entirely different from the perspective of someone who isn't sex repulsed.

Am I the asshole here? Is it really as fucked up as he says that I enjoy knowing my partner is attracted to me even though I won't agree to have sex with them?

We didn't discuss the topic any more that night, and it hasn't been brought up since. He hasn't been treating me differently than before, but he's always proactively apologized before when he was in the wrong about things and he hasn't this time, so to me that says he still stands by what he said. His words have stuck with me and they’re eating at me. I feel like such a horrible person, and I have no idea if I should feel more or less guilty about this.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend is upset that I like knowing my partners are attracted to me even though I don't want to and don't intend to have sex with them bc he thinks that's majorly fucked up and a red flag.

What are these acronyms?

[fairuzfan]

I'm Falasteeni and I can't read/write Arabic, and I only speak it at a childish level. I think being in America, my focus went to learning English instead, and I forgot everything. Every time I try to learn Arabic, I struggle. I also can't dance at ALL, especially dabke. And I can't cook many of our cultural dishes... I feel bad about all of this. There are Arabic classes I'd like to take, but I can't afford them. There are dance classes I'd like to take, but same. I'm not really asking if I'm valid or not, because I don't feel like I am. I guess I just want to point out how fractured I feel from my community, despite having lived in it for my whole life. And I always remember I should've grown up with these things...

i feel you, im bad at arabic and dancing so i feel kinda like a fake and i kinda dont super like cooking lol but something i talked about with a friend of mine recently is that really, palestinian culture is palestinian culture if its done by ANY palestinian. there are palestinians who do not know much arabic in the world. there are some who dont partake in all the types of cultural heritage. but they do partake in other parts.

anything you do as a falestini IS palestinian. i guarentee you out of the literal MILLIONS of us around the world, there is a community that is just your type. i recently found my community despite being geographically far from them by taking a chance and messaging someone on twitter. so like there are niches and there are communities that you'll feel right at home with.

something that i try to do, personally, is reach out to falestini artists and writers online. if you're a writer, i would check out RAWI (radius of arab american writers) and see if you can join in. poetry is a really connective force for me personally. There's also Palestinian Feminist Collective.

also an aspect of falestini culture that i always fall back on: wanting, with our entire hearts and minds, to change the world for the better. resistance is in our very bones. love is in our blood. we grow with the knowledge that a better world IS possible as long as we live and fight for it. and that can happen in any way possible. so remember: you as a falestini are connected to the idea of justice and love because that's part of our culture.

i hope that one day you get to find your falestini community that you feel right at home with. and its difficult but it might be cool to investigate other ways you can contribute to arts and culture. anything you do as a palestinian IS palestinian art and we need it so dearly.

thank you for sending this message.

[filurig]

Any tips on how to display YouTube content (such as animatics, pmvs, amvs) of your stories without spoiling too much of your narrative? I've been struggling a lot with subtlety when it comes to YouTube ideas.

FJKDSFDS TBH IM . not sure if im the best person to ask this because i feel i have historically spoiled way too much in pmvs until i actually decided to try to be more obscure about it (and even then i feel i reveal too much sometimes esp outside of vids). tbh a reason why i havent really made a lot of pmvs more recently is that i have sworn off depicting some story events/developments until i get to depicting them in the actual final presentation of my story (whatever it will be, comic or graphic novel we will see). luckily ive kind of non-canonized most of my old vids (since things have just naturally changed in the story as ive actually been writing it) so i feel the big events i spoiled in those have changed enough/arent canon anymore so i dont feel too bad

i guess then for my mindset now when making a pmv and actively trying to be more opaque is this:

more specific to pareidolia but im only choosing to depict events during pt 1 and also in more broad strokes. some important events/status quo changes i have depicted (in my latest pmv) but the way in which i did so was by trying to be as vague about it as possible - not showing how they happened or how they got there which can open up for more interpretations and in turn not really spoil as much. cuz i think the most intriguing thing is knowing HOW or WHY something happened which is why i keep it kind of vague for the most part

if you're not planning for it to be a big plot point in the actual story, always remember you can make stuff of backstory material!! folke's backstory doesn't really come up in detail in pareidolia the way im planning it so thats one of the story aspects i consider making more pmvs of in the future and perhaps making them more cohesive since i think that would only come up in detail if i made "prequel" material

symbolism is always fun to utilise and especially so if its already present in your story. because if you have a scene that is not entirely literal but still depict it out of context in a pmv it can be a nice way to depict a scene without spoiling much bcs without the context theres way more ways to interpret whats happening

[goodlucktai]

tagged by @bobtheacorn like...... 3 weeks ago 😭 my bad

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

283

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,353,670

which seems.......excessive

3. What fandoms do you write for?

actively, one piece and tmnt, but that is ruled by the demons in my brain that control the hyperfixation machine.

fandoms ive posted 3 or more fics for:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends Good Omens Final Fantasy XV Undertale Mumintroll | Moomins Series Harry Potter Young Justice 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia 陈情令 | The Untamed King Falls AM Percy Jackson and the Olympians Rise of the Guardians Voltron: Legendary Defender

4. Top five fics by kudos?

Exclusivity - 11,116

walk straight through hell with a smile - 9,152

Inanition - 9,039

there is thunder in our hearts - 8,161

trouble is a friend of mine - 7,842

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try to but i can't always :'( and i feel terrible if i manage to reply to most and then forget someone and only realize it months later. but i read every single comment and i appreciate them more than i have words for

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i tend to veer away from angst, but off the top of my head....

where the good men go or if i go i'm going on fire

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

99% of my fics have a happy ending because thats my BRAND but i suppose give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around or the weekend we were in love OR put your empty hands in mine

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not often, but i recently had someone who REALLY disliked the way things change because i 'villainized' raph. which is definitely news to me, since raphael is the love of my life

9. Do you write smut?

nope

10. Craziest crossover?

i wrote a tmnt/one piece crossover once ? but now that we are actually getting a tmnt/naruto idw run it doesnt feel that weird to me anymore

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

only once if i'm remembering right ?? it was a long time ago and wattpad related, which is a site that i dont really understand and therefore tend to avoid

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes ! i'll often have people request to translate my stories and it blows me away every time

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Devil took your hand was written by myself and @moogsthewriter

14. All time favourite ship?

ineffable husbands, wangxian, or leosagi

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

how much time do you have 😭

16. What are your writing strengths?

i want to say characterization and narrative voice. i'm also pretty good at maintaining a throughline, even if it sometimes gets a little wobbly

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

conflict ! i hate it ! i will avoid writing it at all costs ! i also tend to struggle with writing fight scenes, especially when there are several characters involved :') staging any kind of choreography is my opp

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i try not to but if it feels unavoidable i google the heck out of it

19. First fandom you wrote in?

honestly it was either digimon (which also inspired my og penname) or xiaolin showdown lol

20. Favourite fic you've written?

i'm stealing bob's idea and going top 5:

there is thunder in our hearts - this story came together so easily for me, like i knew exactly how i wanted to tell it from start to finish

the only hoax i believe in - a kfam fic in my top 5s why yes and i'll tell you why. because i poured so much of myself into this fic that they could probably read it at my funeral instead of a eulogy

traveling so far to get there - after party au raph and mikey continue to take up so much real estate in my brain and for what

now the darkness comes alive - this one is more recent but im so happy with the way it turned out :')

if we could stay all day in the sun - it was a lot of fun reimagining one of my favorite fairy tales and doing a bunch of unnecessary research for this story i will stand by it until the day i die !!

i'm tagging @mykimouser, @owletstarlet, @portgas-d-aroace, @mad4turtles, @camsthisky, @remedyturtles, @pickledcarrotsandradish, @swordsmans, @mangogreent, and anyone else who wants to !

[chiyoso]

update

hi pookie. to those who read this the first time, welcome back, this is a re-write. an update. i kinda found the initial update i did rushed, not clearly descriptive of my situation outside this writing hobby of mine. also for the ones that i tagged, i have notes for you <3 (sorry for the tag 🫶🏻)

alright. hello hello. i'm chiyo, a jjk-focused/sporadic genshin and hsr fanfic writer, and you've caught me, and this blog in such bad time, and im so, so very fucking burnt out.

writing for me should be fun, stress relieving, and that goes for any other hobby i have. i have been told and supported countless of times to take a rest, to take a break from this, but my stubborn ass continues to try and get something out, anything to keep my blog alive, hells, it feels like a toxic relationship where i keep coming back, because i remember all the fun, happy and fond times i had in this app, only then to return to why it becomes draining, exhausting.

just sat there, occasionally laid on my back, using my phone, but with unmoving thumbs, with a brain lacking the world that needs the narrative to make a story, fuck, where has it gone?

that innocent, startup of mine, the newfound love and interest for that world of fiction that you all create. dude, i remember being so happy discovering that this brain of mine can conjure up so many shit, all because of your words, it's fucking amazing. hence, the start of the era of my honkai star rail writing journey. (hsr/hi3rd fans who followed me, i let you down with my jujutsu kaisen brainrot obsession im sorry lmao)

“take a break hira,” “take a break chiyo,” “please, take a break.”

i've heard it all, and with utmost love and respect, thank you.

thank you for everything, every word, every action, and every peep of interest you all had for me. small and big creators, who, stopped by because of my small percent chance drop in on their feed, because of the stories i created that you shared, i've met so many wonderful, inspring and motivating people in tumblr, fuck, i didn't expect to crrate a little community all by myself, with my grit alone, it's so rewarding for someone who strives for perfection, for someone who struggles with her mental health daily, for someone who deluded themselves in a world of fiction, I can't express my genuine gratitude enough.

i'm not quitting. maybe i should've mentionrd that earlier to prevent you from getting rattled, but continuing off, i don't find myself quitting this writing journey, maybe i'm just not in the right mental headspace for it at this time. damn, my ex really fucked me up LMAO.

right, i'm aware of the less and lessening interactions i've had with the people i've encountered throughout tumblr, i feel sick of myself for not being able to catch up, nor interact with any of you as much as i could anymore, it really, really fucking sucks, i hate it, i hate it, i do.

i still have leftover projects to go over and publish, because i still want MY ideas, MY thoughts, MY worlds of fictional prowess to all of you. i'm not done, but i will say, that i'm- i'm so incredibly, so very sorry to the ones that were highly, to the heavens, expecting greatness from me, to the ones who were anticipating my unfinished stories, fuck, there's so much to do, yet my body, my mind, they do not respond, as if i'm losing my sense of time, literally.

all i can say to those sticking with me because of their plain interest for me, i wish, i pray, i'll beg, beg for me, my soul, my mind, my body, my spirit to heal, and heal faster, so i can love you all at my 100%, not with my trying 20%, and lower.

thank you. to the old, and to the recent supporters that got me to 3k followers and counting, fuckin' wild. actually insane.

i'll continue to write. i'll continue to create. i don't want to quit.

i don't want to leave the only thing that gave me freedom, and the genuine happiness the first time, making me discover shit about myself, and there's that.

p.s. apologies for my jjk brainrot everyone who followed for genshin and hsr <3 also that one popular otome game, love & deepspace? yeah, that shit's also fucking me up so good.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: (lawd i feel bad for tagging)

@ainescribe @wanderingconstellations @teapartyspilled @v3lv3tf0x @ciarchivez ⸻ you fucking OGS. literally five pillars of my life, the cheerleaders, my absolute undying support of this blog, you saw me at my noob tumblr handling form, the lows, the highs, and the absolute peaks, i consider all of you special, i do, you all made tumblr and the writing community such a fun place for me. thank you, thank you, i just can't spam that voiceline enough.

@peachdues @screampied @chuluoyi @blkkizzat @jabamin @flametrashira @meowzfordayz ⸻ you superstar mutuals of mine. we've only interacted sporadically, PLEASE BLAME MY BURNOUT AND COLLEGE SCHEDULE FOR THAT, but all of you invoked so much burning hope, and motivation for me through your stories, AND your interests for me, whether it'd be something about my themes, edits, stories, it doesn't matter, you all took interest in lil' ol me, despite what, being such big content creators? FUCK??? that's insane. thank you.

god, i seriously wish my schedule would just clear up by a fuckton, and then again, i was the one who took psychology and performing arts 💤 i hope, hope HOPE i get to interact with you all again once i take a leave/break from college.

⸻ with all my love, chiyo.

[cerealmonster15]

not 2 be dramatic but also it is my blog where i can ramble about what im feeling whenever i WANT!!! anyway i like. feel like something is fundamentally missing from my entire being or w/e lol. like. i mean there's a very high chance i have adhd which does explain a looooooooot of The Way That I Am and my struggle at doing and focusing on stuff and things and my rapid rotating around short interests in things. but like i also feel like [and maybe this is part of adhd idfk, i havent been Officially Diagnosed just a lot of therapists and friends with adhd all tell me i probs do lol] i just dont feel motivated to do things. and ive been this way i think a lot of my life. i realized a looooong time ago that i was not so motivated by passion but by fear!!!!! fear of failure or whatever!!!

fuckin adding a readmore bc i ended up talking forever lmao

like in school. i got good grades but i never really felt smart exactly. i was able to work really hard and spend a lot of time doing homework and whatever because i feared the consequence of failure. i didnt wanna get bad grades [not even from like a threat from home or anything, i just was afraid of the system lol like i didnt wanna fail and then snowball into ruining everything for my future or w/e. like i've always been kinda 0 to 100 in things like that lolol]

but like i remember going into college like "well i am interested in physics and compsci so i guess ill declare double major til i decide which one id rather do" but i didnt really have a clear goal. physics i dropped first because as much as i like the concept, the classes were still hard and i didnt have any idea of what i'd do with it if i did pursue it. comp sci i at least was like "well i like video games i could do something with that probably" but then i nearly flunked and dropped the class lol. my fault for skipping an intro class bc i was like "Well i learned a lot of the basics in high school" bitch u did not retain any of those basics. anyway i ended up swapping to digital arts under that same "well i like shows and games maybe i can do something with that" and that did ultimately lead me to grad school for game dev and learning what tech art is and all that. and i was employed as one for a lil while!

but then i got let go. and in the midst of a really Hard Time to be unemployd for gamedev bc of the mass layoffs ALSO happening over and over and over and over, so despite the fact that i have some industry experience, i have a significantly harder time even getting interviewed. but a lot of it is my portfolio - unfortunately the nature of the jobs i had didnt really net me much in the way of tangible portfolio work, and a quality / updated portfolio really is what matters in this field

and thats where i hit my problem. i really am not self motivated or like, creative. i dont really have ideas. a lot of my portfolio was school assignments <- stuff i had to do. stuff people told me to do. even now, i sometimes do vfx to help my partner with his solo game hes been making for years, and thats my main portfolio addition source because i need someone to tell me what they want. and then i also struggle to see the vision of that sometimes like ive been SO STUCK on a specific effect im making for the game bc im not understanding the vision and also im not really around other tech artists or vfx artists much anymore. not like in grad school lol. even at my prev job i was the main vfx person so i was kind of on my own floundering around to figure stuff out- and a lot of times i couldnt. there was no senior to guide me if i got stuck.

so when i'm just alone in a vacuum with nothing forcing me to do things i just dont. i LIKE vfx and shaders and even python, but if i dont have a thing where i have to follow specific tasks i just cant think of anything interesting or unique to do myself. even a lot of the python ive learned recently was from a udemy course, which helped a lot bc it was structured with little assignments, explanations i understood in small bursts, and specific projects with specific goals. one of those i did kinda expand on based on what i learned to make a portfolio thing, sort of. it's out of place on my artstation bc it's not really gamedev related at all but its python and it's SOMETHING. python is a tech art skill at least. i can replace it sometime if i have more relevant things but i just dont right now. i dont know what to make. i have no tool ideas, or even if i have a vague idea i just go "i dont really know how id do that" and dont feel motivated enough to figure things out or to make that vague idea even somewhat interesting. vfx i just go "i dont know how to make this look more interesting" and get stuck at unimpressive points if anything. i dont have the designer or passion part of the brain that i kinda need to survive this and it scares me. i like the structure and stability of being employed because someone tells me what they need. i dont know what i'm supposed to do on my own but im supposed to figure it out otherwise my portfolio stays stagnant forever!!!

so many times people will like. have a side project. they learn from those projects. they have a vision they want to see completed and they pick up skills for that thing. my partner is a big example with his game hes making - he could already program but hes learned a lot of the art needed to make it work, because he wanted to see the game made. people have like their comics or animations or games or whatever they do, hobbies, anything that they feel passionate about and i feel like i just lack that passion. scared that i like the idea of doing things more than doing them even if i do enjoy doing the things when i do them, but not enough to like, get myself motivated to lol. if that even makes sense.

like idk. i at least have martial arts - i did aikido in college and i do capoeira now- but it's stuff i can only do bc i have a regular group i pay and go participate in with other people. once i dont have those group settings i dont do it on my own.

ive tried to get myself to learn musical instruments so many times but once i stopped taking lessons for sax or piano bc i got busy with school, i mostly just dropped them. i cant motivate myself enough to practice on my own even tho i did learn enough fundamentals that i probably COULD if i just. cared enough i guess. i always had in the back of my mind that it would be cool, IN THEORY, to draw comics or make a dating sim/visual novel of any flavor, a virtual pet, a farm sim, whatever. but i dont actually have the vision for it. i dont have a story to tell. i'm not motivated enough. ive looked up several times ways i might be able to use python to make a lil tamagotchi project to practice but i just never do!!! maybe i know enough python from the udemy now that i could but would i?? idk!!!

people always say you learn best by just jumping into it. find something fun you want to make or do and then learn as you go. but i dont have passion. im in a vacuum. even with my fics, i still like writing my fics!!! but i slowed down so much on those. because before, i was writing them to share between my friend and me when we were first getting into twst and based off a lot of inside jokes and ideas bouncing off of each other lol. fics, aus, doodles, whatever. and we still talk twst but she isnt caught up to main story anymore and it's not as much of a thing we talk as often or deeply about. i think my doodles got a lot more boring as a result and ive had less ideas. but i do still love the characters so so so so much and i do have fics i want to write... but it slowed down and i dont WANT it to slow down. i get excited over characters and games, and it doesnt really help me in terms of trying to fuckin Get A Job or Learn A Skill or whatever but. like at least it's something. i feel like my doodles got more bland too like i just kinda redoodle the same stiff generic things over and over and over again forever

there are so many things i can just do a little bit of but not enough to be like. impressive. or hireable. or helpful or smart or knowledable or whatever. like i can crochet a little bit. i can sew a LITTLE bit to get some simpler cosplays but nothing fancy. im not motivated enough to push those further to like "make my own clothes" or a more ambitious cosplay even tho i like the base level stuff. i can program a LITTLE in python but cant motivate myself to figure out what to do with it. i used to know a little hlsl and i know some node based shader stuff but not enough to be super deep with it. like more than a non tech artist i guess but not enough to make things that really look all that good 😑 i used to do tech theater in high school, but only really knew the basics of the woodworking and lightbooth stuff, not enough/not kept up with where i could do anything with that now even though i enjoyed it then. i was in chorus in school for like five years in middle/high school and i took some basic piano and saxophone lessons but every time i try to go back to something like that im dusting off the cobwebs. i also have always had huge anxiety so i coudnt ever have considered a performance thing with it anyway. whenever i was in school chorus production musical things i was only in ensemble parts or at the very least singing with a small group of other people because i never had the ambition or desire or bravery to try and stand out lol. i liked being backstage. i started learning to rollerskate but i only ever really got to a point where i could move around without falling over and then as soon as i started capoeira i never touched the skates again. even though it was fun! i studied spanish for years and used to practice with my father but i barely ever do now, even thought i knew enough to go to spain on a school trip we still were in an english comfortable environment and i really could just fumble my way through simple conversations in spanish. i dont keep up with it enough to like, be able to smoothly translate more casual dialogue or whatever and as much as id really love to practice that more, i once again dont have the motivation or drive or even ideas for it. i have a few times thought learning portuguese for capoeira or japanese for just generic enjoyment of japanese games and anime and stuff would be cool but i do. not. stick. with. it.

i do notice lately that the other thing. next to the fear of failure motivation. it is the community thing. i do capoeira not out of fear but because there are other people i go and do it with. i pay for the classes, i enjoy the classes, i do the classes with other people. when i was in school i had other classmates doing the same things with me. when i was in tech theater or chorus clubs i had clubmates. music instrument classes i had the instructor / it was something my mother was paying for me to do / the instructor would give me homework to practice and i had to be able to report to that person the next week so i would have the incentive to do it [another failure thing i guess but still lol]. cosplay i do alone as i make it but then i see other people at cons. i hadnt done new ones in a long time tho because i wasnt going to cons, and the only one i made recently i also had the motivation and deadline of a con coming up that a friend and i were going to go to together and our cosplays connected. theres community. but right now i have no job to worry about failing at, and no coworkers to bounce ideas off of. personal projects are in such a vaccuum i just dont have the motivation or self discipline. even the udemy python thing, some lessons are more interesting than others, and it's general python stuff so rn the recent stuff is like, good dev stuff but not gamedev stuff; but i have learned enough where i probs could take it and run but i dont know how or why or what to do with it!!!

i dont know if im even making a point here i think ive just had these thoughts swirling around my mind and overwhelming me for. well kind of forever LOL

[creeppostss]

hell yeah request posting, give us those sweet HCs. how about Eyeless jack, toby, and jeff - how do they handle existential guilt? like passing moments of "oh god i kill people"

absolutely!! i love this idea ksudhshrh thank you for the request!! also im going to apologize in advance as these are NOT CANON. i have headcannoned these dudes so much it's absorbed into my writing,,,,but i hope you enjoy regardless!

How some of the creeps would handle existential guilt

Eyeless Jack

• he has to sit in his room with the lights off to process

• will stare at a wall for hours just thinking

• "that guy had a family...." vibes from him

• he doesn't think about this often. but when he does it makes him all sad and he has to take a day or two off

• jack will get back to killing once he gets over himself though

• afterall, meat is meat.

• and he'd do anything for some good meat.

• still thinks about some of his victims

• keeps people's belongings now and then, has a dedicated drawer, just so they don't get forgotten.

• he has no problems killing again

• then the cycle repeats !!

Tobias Rogers

• honestly I believe toby struggles with this a lot.

• not constantly, but he thinks about it more than any of the other creeps.

• he realizes it more than anything after he gets hurt. cause he can't feel it.

• so he thinks about people that CAN feel pain

• remembers how hes literally caused that suffering on people

• if it's really bad and he's already pent up from other stressors, he will cry.

• not much, and not in a pussy way. he's grieving.

• i believe he takes a while off as well to sit around and really think about the people he's killed recently

• goes back to killing when he starts to feel like it's time again

• maybe feels bad for the first kill or so again, but he finds his rhythm

Jeff The Killer

• honestly i don't see him as really giving much of a shit

• but every now and then he has a victim that really sticks with him

• thinks about how that victim begged for his wife or kid(s)

• "I have a family! Please! I won't say anything!"

• and sometimes it does hurt him

• he usually pushes those feelings away

• occasionally his feelings do catch up to him. and then he just,,,kills more people to make them go away

• he'll take it out on his next few victims

• blames people for making him feel like that

• will ask around to see how the other creeps feel when this happens

• doesn't take days off to cope, just uses his killings to cope.

• ALSO takes it out on his walls (he's got bad coping skills)

[patchdotexe]

doip. / 10.4.24: i was paying attention, i swear

von is here! hi von. what's your social security number

(nyx's fiance Von is now spectating! welcome to the Skeleton Crew, we're all insane. also i was running late because i had to see if vikingpilot was wearing the cat ears skin i made)

LAST TIME, ON STORM LORD'S WRATH!: i got distracted trying to stop pepper from eating cables. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

im being so good at staying on task. recording means that im being held accountable. i will be strong i did however have to go chase pepper out of my room. tragic

oh no nyx what did you do. everyone is freaking out about something in the stables and nyx mentioned there's a surprise at the bottom of the stairs. oh noooooo hey dauble. dauble did you resurrect some horses. "horses" last night the horses were dead. this morning the horses are now. "alive". dauble is not elaborating. alidaar would really like dauble to elaborate. dauble casted animate dead! which is not a normal druid thing because im pretty sure dauble isn't circle of spores. im pretty sure dauble took a level in cleric at some point with their costume change but

alidaar is finally starting to twig that something is Up with dauble. took him long enough. arepo has nudged alidaar to go get silla whle he and dauble deal with the zorses! dauble is not explaining anything.

i love silla. bottom text.

the fun part abt being the recorded pov is that things like me googling "minecraft zombie horse" is on tape

"alidaar goes 'peem poom'."

(alidaar did Facial Expressions about the situation and i was struggling to find a corresponding emoji.)

im diagnosing dauble with problems. the bpd animal is activated (silla is riding with alidaar) HOW HAS IT ONLY BEEN LIKE LESS THAN A MONTH IN-UNIVERSE. WHAT THE HELL silla is hitting on alidaar a bit but alidaar has no fucking idea. dauble is rolling in their grave

uh oh. there appears to be a Situation on the road. apparently a town evacuated and the townspeople are having a scuffle about it. something happened with the fishermen? stuff's wack with water. --oh, shit, there's kids missing. none of em are able to head back for the kids. GOOD NEWS, ADVENTURERS ARE HERE

alidaar has put sacks on the zorses. we're normal. dont think abt how our horses are green, please

arepo is stuck in his mind palace. alidaar is dissociating. Dauble Is Driving The Bus

(GOD I DONT REMEMBER WHAT THIS MEANS. ITS BEEN A MONTH. alidaar was Attempting To Cope with the dauble situation, and i think arepo had the realization that "oh, no, dauble isnt normally like this. this was a recent change. Uh Oh" because he joined after dauble's magical girl transformation)

HERE COMES THE. WATER?? WAGON?????? okay . we are here to kill the water wagon. got it boss

Silla Has Despawned. goodbye silla. dauble is finally happy

(alidaar got silla to take the zorses and run for safety)

im very bad at theater of the mind when it comes to The Cone (my breath weapons) so we are battling on the overworld hex map. this is fine

I HAVE FINALLY USED MY CLOUD RUNE. I DID IT MOM

arepo's words of inspiration to alidaar: "You are being so normal about all this." wh. why does dauble have higher ac than alidaar. what happened WHY CAN DAUBLE CAST INFLICT WOUNDS? actually i think dauble has done that before. perfectly normal druid

i keep peeking at the sbk discord and everything keeps devolving further into chaos.

(skyblock kingdoms was having an event. the event was "rebuilding parkour civilization in skyblock". at one point everyone ended up in cat maid skins. i was trying very hard to not look at the discord but there were SO MANY MESSAGES)

we have remembered that we are able to incapacitate people. fuck your monologue you're getting tied up

silla: oh no, you're hurt! ;o; alidaar: eh, ive had worse :,D dauble: I Am Literally Dying

arepo writes down "find therapist" in his notes. i dont think any amount of therapy can fix dauble

oh yeah we finally got the title drop! [alidaar voice] what the fuck's a storm lord ..OH. OH THE STORM LORD IS TALOS. OH! LIKE THE GUYS THAT KIDNAPPED AREPO! OHHHHHH

im spacing out HARD. apologies for the state of these notes. zzz

(again. skyblock kingdoms parkour civilization. and also generally being out of it. i COULD rewatch the recording to get a better concept of what happened but i dont feel like listening to myself talk for 2 hours rn)

[alidaar voice] WOAH, ITS ISOMETRIC!

(we reached Leilon! the map is isometric.)

OH . DAUBLE IS NEUTRAL EVIL NOW. SWAG.

[oliversrarebooks]

Hey I’ve been following for a while and really enjoy your writing 💖 and if you don’t mind talking about it, I’ve been wondering about your process a bit, as in how often do you write and how much do you tend to get done?

I ask partially because I’ve been considering starting a writing blog of my own but problem is I’m really slow as a writer 😅 like it can take me a day to do half a page and I can’t shake the habit of rereading and editing as I go. You post pretty regularly so you seem to have a good technique going, and I think you’ve said something about having adhd in the past??? I have it too so if Im remembering correctly then you probably understand how productivity can be a struggle. I guess I’m hoping to pick up some wisdom from someone in a similar boat

Anyways, sorry for rambling, keep up the good work and hope you’re having a good day ☺️

Getting faster at writing is just a skill you can develop over time, I think, and even then, some people will be faster than others and that's okay! Instead of worrying about doing half a page in a day, you could try writing 100 words a day for a while, for instance. Writing a smaller amount more frequently will eventually get drafts done.

I've been writing for a while and I tend to be reasonably fast, but a lot of that is practice and planning. I'm often writing from a loose outline of how the scene will go, and for my bigger projects, I have a big picture outline with notes, too. Writing for me is fastest when I treat coming up with the ideas, scene progression, dialogue etc. as a different activity, especially because the "thinking" parts can be done while doing chores or commuting etc. I do Nano each year and there's no way I could ever finish it if I weren't writing from outlines.

I try to write each day and aim for 400-500 words a session, but I often do have to skip days for various life reasons.

I'm only recently diagnosed with ADHD so I don't have any great productivity tips! The entire reason I ended up getting diagnosed was because my productivity was driven almost entirely by anxiety and the stress was literally killing me. I'm trying to get into a healthier mindset now, especially now that I have appropriate meds.

One of my big ADHD-related problems was being unable to ever feel accomplished -- even big accomplishments always feel more like "welp that's one tiny thing done but I still have a mountain to go". That's one of the mindsets I need to shed and remind myself that writing something like Bookseller in my spare time is a pretty good accomplishment!

I feel like maybe I see some of that in your ask, where you're being hard on yourself for writing a half a page. Even if it took you a while -- maybe especially if it took you a while -- that's still something you get to be proud of. No one else is going to tell the story you have in your head in the way you would tell it, after all.

[triglycercule]

dearest triglycercule followers i have a dilemma i require your assistance in

i've been working on this multiverse called swapinverse (you may have seen some teaser posts from me recently :3 it's what i've been grinding out) and in this multiverse it's basically like one character does what another character does while keeping their own elements and having completely different reasons and backstories and stuff and rn i have 8 characters to be done:

savior (dust!killer), mania (horror!dust), paranoia (killer!horror), tint&shade (ink!dream & ink!nightmare), siphon (corrupt nightmare!ink), crash (error!cross)

AND FINALLY vice.SER. a CORE frisk!error. who i have no idea what i'm gonna do. i have a few ideas and i SERIOUSLY cannot pick so (even though i wanted to keep swapinverse a secret) im asking 4 ur help in deciding what i wanna do 😕😕 basically pick the best idea (THESE ARE JUST BASIC CONCEPTS WITH NO DEPTH I HAVE MORE DETAILS THAN THIS) and any suggestions

backstory idea 1: geno/error (unsure of which) falls into the core and gets scattered across spacetime like corefrisk does. this one has issues because corefrisk only exists because of the reset button and geno/error dont have reset despite having determination. also it feels a bit uncreative compared to the others that i have planned (oh the lore for swapinverse characters are SO INTERESTING AHAHAHAH)

backstory idea 2: geno is experimenting with determination and transports himself into the antivoid and his last thoughts before errorfying are something something along the lines of blaming the human (connects with goal idea 3)

goal idea 1: IF idea 1 happens then geno (i think this would be more geno deviating than error so is it REALLY corefrisk!error or just corefrisk!geno) helps other genocide survivors by bringing them to the antivoid/void/omega timeline IDK

goal idea 1.5: other possibility for idea 2 is instead of having pure intentions like idea 2 says, vice.SER is kinda like a villian and corrupting characters by glitching them out in the antivoid and then having that army kill all humans in the multiverse (THIS IS SO DRAMATIC but these are all just possible ideas)

goal idea 2: vice.SER is unpredictable and sometimes decides to be a humanitarian (helping people like in idea 2) and then other days he could be deciding to take over the multiverse. this ideas fun because im kinda struggling to decide if i want vice.SER to do good or bad things (and also the mst haven't met each other and aren't involved in the multiverse so i kinda want him to be the one to drag them into multiversal shenanigans)

idea 3: vice.SER is going around bringing geno survivors and timelines that have gone through genos (since geno has the ability to give back memories to people BUT i have to finish rereading aftertale to see if he keeps this power at the end) and reminding them of the genos theyve been though (for those that dont remember) and he's doing this all in the hopes of going against the players/creators and breaking free from the scripts and plots that we give them

so yeah those are my backstory/goal ideas for vice.SER so far :3 elements i wanna be SURE to keep is geno/error origins, bringing people into a space like CORE does (antivoid or void or omega timeline doesn't matter ill make it work) or if NOT bringing people to spaces then maybe omnisight/presence like CORE (but canon error already kinda has omnisight since he can see the scripts/codes and that's kinda like seeing the past/present/future like omnisight gives you

UGHHH this is so hard but pls i need helllppppp 😭😭

[astroyongie]

Monsta X November Reading 2023

Note: please take it lightly

Shownu

Love: He is in a relationship but things have been complicated because Shownu is still working on how to manage both his relationship and his career. He puts his career as a priority but he also loves his partner so he really is trying to find some adaption here 

Career: Shownu has a lot of ideas about what he wants to show to his fans and what is the next big step for his career. He is also working on it, trying to pour some creativity out so it might take some time before things start to work out 

Self: Things aren’t in the best state at the moment for him. Shownu seems to be a little bit disconnected, a little bit out of luck and he is just fed up with his current life and how things are going for him. 

Minhyuk

Love: In love, in a relationship and everything is going perfectly well for him and his partner. I believe that this is the person that Minhyuk wants to marry and be with for the rest of his life since this relationship is a long-term success and commitment 

Career: I don’t know if he is still in military too, but career wise, Minhyuk just seems to be bored overall. He isn’t doing much, there isn’t much planned for him to do either, so he just goes with the flow and with whatever schedule he has. 

Self: Rather okay, rather happy with his current life. He doesn’t have any complaints and he also is happy to have many lovable people around him 

Kihyun

Love: Without a doubt he is still in a relationship with his person. Things are going rather well, it also seems like his partner has been taking a lot of place in his life and has been making the major decisions for the couple's life 

Career: He isn’t satisfied with his current situation (I have no idea if he is still in military or not). He feels trapped and almost like there some projects he wants to do but cannot. Again I don’t know if it’s because he is under service or if it is because his company postponed it 

Self: overall, Kihyun isn’t in a good place. It feels like he struggles a lot with his mental health and he has a lot of things that he is disappointed in. I believe he also thinks he is a failure as a person and as an idol 

Hyungwon

Love: Based on the spread it looks like Hyungwon had a major argument with his partner that ended up very badly to the point where they separated from each other. This is quite recent since there’s still a lot of rage and hurt from this. There were things said that hurt both parties 

Career:  Everything is going perfectly for Hyungwon. He has the right people around him inside the company and is enough of a social butterfly there to know exactly to whom to come when needed. His career is stable 

Self: He is going through the roughness of the breakup, so without much surprise he isn’t doing very well. Heartbreak was the cause and also quite some pain and grieving his relationship 

Joohoney

Love: Okay, so Jooheon broke up with his partner not a long time ago to focus on his current service (either military or career, again, I don’t remember who is there atm). It wasn’t something easy to do and although there was the possibility of seeing each other still, the person didn’t want to live this type of couple life

Career: I don’t know with who it is, but Jooehon had a massive argument with one of his members and ever since they haven’t spoke to one another and he has been quite hurt and ressentful about what happened. 

Self: I hate seeing such cards In the self spread, but I have things to believe that Jooheon has been doing things he shouldn’t in way to cope with his current emotional state (either it’s physical behaviors or consumptions). 

I.M

Love: I don’t know if he is in love, but he is in a relationship currently. It’s something rather new, a couple of weeks only and he has still been trying to mold the relationship in a healthy way so let's hope he will do it accordingly 

Career: He should be careful. It seems to me that IM’s name would be involved in some type of scandal but that the company was quick to pay it off so it wouldn’t come out. Still, Changkyun should be careful who he hangs out with and what he shares his life with since it could have a negative impact on his career

Self: Mental Health is in constant decline; He isn’t okay, I feel exhausted and although he tries to rest and to follow therapy to get better, things haven’t been easy for him when it comes to his head