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haechurch · 2 years ago

Text

forgetting me, forgetting you

It's not the way that jeno doesn't look at you the same. It's not the way of him chasing after a girl and leaving you behind in the evening downpour. It's not the way jeno said he didn't even love you that night. It's just nothing but your broken heart.

pairing: idol!jeno x fem!reader

genre: smut, fluff (kinda), angstt

wc: 4.8+k

warnings: minors dni, unprotected sex, oral (m, f receive), spitting, kind of meanie jeno, implied exhibitionist, degrading, praising, spanking, teasing, fingering, tons of pet name, hard and soft sex, etc etc, you know when i said idol and fan relationship its just so unreal as well as how their jobs work lmao ((i had a problem to make this at least a lil bit realistic) also not seem too delusional but- just pls dont @ me, i mean its a fic)

! how embarrassing that this shit got posted accidentally (i hate tmblr) my pupils were literally shaking lol. for those who might accidentally saw this (i know theres not even a soul who cares abt it..) ofc i had this to be revised also its inspired by rv song, in my dreams, (originally the title for this one but i changed it!) i might also have songs recommendation, its [coldplay-yellow > conan gray-astronomy > yoari-dice game > exo-hurt > davichi-forgetting you > red velvet-in my dreams]

Everything was pandemonium from the start. You saw jeno in person for the first time in the concert venue. Yes. He is the singer. That singer. A born-talented, handsome, lovable idol from nct. He didn't even know you were there, in the crowd of audience hyping his band up. Never in your dreams you thought you'd met him in person, but fate brings you two together. It was what you believed until then. Fate brings your jeno who has never been yours in the first place to kindly remind you that he will never be yours even at the end of the time.

You worked hard for your pay. You work as an employee (that mostly work for dreamies) under jeno's company after you earned your post graduate title while studying in korea. That point when you made it out, you never even thought that this was a real chance to finally get him.

That's just insane, to get lee jeno, in a somehow, romantic way. But you tried anyway. Ordinary person with an extraordinary person? Or can you just say idols and fans relationship? That jeno from all the people living on this earth? Mostly impossible. Those who live around you will think you're crazy for wanting someone who literally exists in a different world from you. Even though you're 'coexisting' with him and seeing him from time to time, that would not be enough; so near yet so far.

It's so hard to work under the company and let it flow at first. Without a will, you'll never get what you want. Even though this one is nearly impossible, you attempt to keep the mindset that revolves around you: it will work if you try, try, try and try.

But it's useless. Who do you think you are? You can't even be allowed to speak nor get close to him except if it's necessary. It's hard to work with him like a normal acquaintance. To them, to jeno, you're simply invisible.

However, you did make it clear enough. No surrendering. That's the least you can keep in mind.

But again, he didn't even spare you a glimpse.

Then there was this day when you two were put together in the same dressing room, waiting for some interviews coming up. There's actually no reason for you to not share the same room because technically, you're their regular staff. The rest of the members and other staff were nowhere to be found, it was you and him. You and jeno all alone in the same room. You nearly choked yourself when you were about to open your mouth as jeno scooted to where you sat.

"Hi." He lightly started the conversation. You swear to god you can hear your own heartbeat. Keeping yourself calm and professional, you hum and put the sweetest smile to him. "Hello."

"I'm so sorry if i sound rude, but i believe we're around the same age? I've been seen you around and i just knew you're a regular staff in here," you intensely stared at him, eyes widened in disbelief that he just casually-

"We can be friends if you wan-"

"We can?!"

-asked you to be his friend.

Realizing you just replied to him in 0,023 seconds, you covered your mouth and muttered 'sorry' to him. He just laughed. Oh. That laugh.

That's when you feel like you two were 'getting closer' as he asked you to be his friend for some idiotic reason (u really have no idea why the universe would gave you this kind of, miracle, you'd say, but you're fucking grateful).

Of course you can be friends with everyone. Also a staff (fan) and an artist couldn't be an exception, right? But once again who are you kidding, lee jeno is super busy, and you should know it could probably the friendship that only lasts for four hours.

You didn't meet jeno for weeks and you missed him so bad. Sometimes you got to talk to him after he befriend you (tho it happens only if you had that rare chance) but both of you didn't get a long time to properly talk and have a good conversation. And it's been a long time, you just missed him.

Did he perhaps miss you too? Did he ever think about you even just for a split second? You shake your head from the thoughts and scoff at yourself. He probably already erased you from his memory. And that night, you drifted into a deep slumber whilst thinking about how he wouldn't remember you.

―

But you were dead wrong. That day was very hot because apparently, it's in the middle of summer, and you were called for a job in a broadcasting house which happened to be the same place for the band to attend their schedule.

You're standing in front of a vending machine, getting a drink when you hear someone call your name. You turned around and found jeno, looking at you with his smiling eyes.

"Jeno!? What are you doing here?" You can't hide your pearly whites when you see him, so please meet him again after a while.

"We're having some jobs here. How about you?" He asked.

"Um, me too! But mine's still running, i take a little coffee break right before come back to the site. Have you finished yours?"

"Yes, actually," jeno scratched his nape awkwardly before he continued. "Uhh, do you perhaps want to meet me after you are done? Just for a sec?" He asked.

"Sure! I'll text you when i'm done?"

Yes, you both are having each other's numbers but can't even communicate a single thing through it. He didn't text you. And you, being the one who shamelessly asked for his numbers which he gladly gave it, never once texts him because as you can see, you're being professional enough to keep your words that it's only for the matter of work.

"Cool." You both smiled to each other and stood awkwardly for a good seconds until jeno left.

So, did he just wait for you until you're done because he said he just finished his schedule? Is that even possible for him to do that?

The answer is yes. Though with a little bit of delay. He asked you to meet him after you're done, just to have you wait for him in the nearby cafe for nearly 20 minutes.

Jeno: uhh hi its jeno

Jeno: im so sorry for keeping you waiting

You: oh hii

You: nah its okayy not a biggie

Jeno: its the manager hyung, i told him i have to go somewhere but you know its hard to cooperate with them :/

Jeno: look i promise it will just need to b arranged real fast okay

You: okaaay i know youre busy you can really take your time tho

Jeno: so sorry ;(((

You: jeno its fine :*

You: :(

Jeno: thanjk you for the understanding ;)

Jeno: ill be there in.. 5 mins?

You: ill be here waiting!

You were smiling like crazy reading his texts. All you did was blushing and heart skipping while replying to him. He was so cute. And it's the first time you guys exchange texts. And he did it first! (how its a big deal for you)

Then there he is. Entering the cafe with a little skip and making a bee line to your table then sit down in front of you.

"Right on time." He said jokingly. You just chuckled at him.

"Sooo what's up? What is it that you wanted to talk about in your very packed schedule, busy bee?"

He exhaled harshly before replying. "Nothing. Just wanna get out and have some fresh air."

He averted his gaze to yours before continue, "with my new friend."

You raised one of your eyebrows at the boy. "Yeah? I thought you already forgot me because i was just simply a girl that worked at your company," you talk as you fold your hands.

"Why would i? I'll remember you anyway. You once fell in front of me when you were about to open some door and that actually was funny as hell. Shouldn't laugh but i can't help it. Oops. Should have not told you this part too..."

Your face heated in a second, and yes, you did that and it was humiliating and you felt very stupid. That time you were about to enter the conference room at the company building, but jeno (also the other members were there) was opening the door at the same time, unfortunately you stumbled on your feet and ended up kneeling at his.

He take a glance at you again then continue. "And you're pretty pretty."

You immediately looked up to him. You can't explain how his sudden confession affect you so much and leave your heart throbbing like crazy.

Fortunately you can keep your act.

You chuckled and replied, "and what's that supposed to mean."

"I'm just saying that you're beautiful."

He surely knows how to mess with your heart.

"And i'm getting worried that your eyes might have a problem," you laughed, more to laughing at yourself.

"No. I meant it."

You looked at him again, flustered, and he smiled when he saw you taken aback. A mischievous smile to be exact.

"Are you flirting with me?" Of course you were kidding. Asking that kind of question sounds nonchalant, even have no shame. But you had nothing to lose anyway.

"Would you accept it?"

You blinked rapidly, your heart beating so fast in your chest, your palms were sweaty. He got you questioning yourself on how you can not fall for him even more? It's getting even deeper every minute you spend your time with him. He's dangerous.

You were stunned for a moment. You felt like your cheeks burned, they're emitting flame. Your head short circuited for a while yet all you can think about is jeno. Jeno jeno jeno and jeno. The moment you can't hold it back from spilling, you just let it burst.

"I like you."

Oh, you don't even care anymore about your image. The moment you spit that you felt like the most stupid, dense person alive on earth.

"I know."

He responded in a heartbeat, and you felt fire burn a hole into you.

"You what?"

"I said i know. I noticed. And i do to."

"I'm so lost." You started to believe that you're out of your mind.

"I'm saying that i like you too."

Your pupils doesn't even falter when you stare at his face. You might just scream or gasp or even cry, but you were too stunned to speak, the way you were so calm also surprised yourself. You shake your head as you doubt your hearing and gave him a bitter smile.

"You're joking."

"Yes."

Your eyes widen from his answer. He's such a prankster.

"Jeno!"

He laughed. His laugh is so carefree but feels shy at the same time, that is just screaming lee jeno so much.

"So what am i supposed to say? You already heard me."

"I'm just trying to seek clarity." You narrow your eyes playfully. Now you don't even know where the confidence in you came from.

"You're my clarity."

Now that sounds straight up came from a song lyric.

This whole time you think that you're crazy for wanting lee jeno, but here you are having a little cafe date and knowing him to have the same feeling as you are.

"Ah!" you squeal as your head thud against the hard surface.

"Sorry," jeno apologized as he giggled, then continue to peppering kisses down your neck.

Both of you were alone in a room at the backstage, making out like crazy before he bring you to the nearest table and pin you down. You sigh blissfully, thanking heaven every time your bodies this close, that you finally have jeno for your own and not anybody else. It's not the first time that he finally touched you, but every single one of his touches feels like the first time.

Oh, of course that didn't just happen in a night. He's been so sweet and kind to you that you mistaken his deed as something more than platonic relationship.

He bought you food. He told the manager to drop you off at your apartment at night when the schedule's over. You both go to the staff's cafeteria and eat lunch together. You offer him to go cycling together when he's off, and he did. He lent you his airpods when you lost one. You brewed his morning coffee. He called you one night and said that he's missing you. You asked him if you can do the same, texting or calling him as a normal friend would do despite both of your jobs. And that one night where he sneaked out to your apartment just to say that he wanted you.

That moment you thought everything is indeed possible.

"Jen! Wait!"

He's currently railing you stupid at the backstage.

Now both of your hands were on the wall, legs spread open for him to easily pound you from the back.

"Shit, this pussy's so tight." He slowed down, dragging his cock precise and keen, watching how his length appeared then disappeared inside your pussy.

"You like that baby?"

Your ears are buzzing, eyes fluttering, you only mewl and all you can hear is squelching sounds from how wet your pussy is before he sped up, skins clapping resonated all over the room.

When you didn't answered, he stopped and brings your hair to a ponytail then yanked your head up so your back is now against him as he whispered, "i said, am i fucking you good, little slut?" Well he can be cruel sometimes, but both of you know his mouth isn't that dirty on daily basis. He's just having his moment.

"Fuck yes," you finally speak.

Jeno railed into you again, he prop you to stand up, right hand on your hip, clamping so hard it'll leave bruises, and left hand grasping at your jaw to make you face him, his lips ghosting between your ear and lips, heavy breathing and all.

When he brushed against your earlobe, he whispered right onto your ear, "open your fucking mouth."

You obliged, as he bent your neck back and you presented all of yourself in front of him, he spit into your mouth. "Perfect. Keep it there like a good girl you are."

Jeno started to pick up pace again, this time hitting your spot deliciously over and over, sending you to the cloud nine.

You agape as you moan, all while your mouth full of your and his spit, nonetheless making an effort to keep jeno's words but you're already drooling all over your chin.

"J-jen.."

"Shh, no need to say a thing baby girl, keep your pretty mouth shut."

Jeno suddenly lift you up and prop your back against the table. He's hovering over you, tapping your cheek, oblige you to open your mouth again, and spit another glob into yours.

"Now keep that warm and safe, you could do that, right angel?"

He asked and you only nodded in response. "That's it. Now let me make you feel good."

He spread your dangling legs by pushing on your thighs then dragging his hard and big cock along your slit, making a quite lubrication.

You're a whiny mess, never in your life you thought you'd have sex with lee jeno in a random room on their backstage, and he's pretty wild at the moment.

Before you can process a thing, he's already on his knee, eating you out slowly. You tug at his hair and hoist your hip up, but he's keeping you in place. He's taking his time, kitten licking at your opening with a slow pace, sucking softly at the clit, but it already making you tremble and wanting more. He's keeping the act for a while before the frustrations hit you.

"Jeno, hurry the fuck up."

He stop doing his ministrations, and as he pissed off, he suddenly lift you up again, your front pushed to the nearest wall.

"What did i just say to you? Shut your fucking mouth. Don't fucking speak. Why did you speak?"

He landed a couple of hard slap against your ass, making you yelp and shriek, "i-m sorry, please," your head drooped, your body trembling, but not from fear.

It's excitement.

Another slap on your ass. "Please what? Tell me, angel, what is it?

He kneaded your flesh and put his length between your ass cheek, nuzzling it sensually, and it made you bite your lip hard, can't take his teasing no more.

"Please," you almost sob. "Please, jeno, fuck me."

You beg, and he immediately bend you fully over again, both of his hands were on your hips as he fuck you into oblivion.

"Princess wanna get fucked. What she wants, she gets."

He kissed his teeth before he rammed into you, hitting that sweet spot precisely over and over again it felt so good. Your hands and legs almost gave up, but he grabbed your hip in place. As you moan and scream for him, he keep chanting that he want you to come for him.

"Jeno, i'm fucking close- fuck," your hair is tangled, you're a drooling mess, your eyes rolled up. He fuck you so good it leave you dumb. Jeno's hips never once falter, he keep fucking into you rapidly as you whine non stop.

"Fuck, come all over me. Come on," he encouraged you.

"Coming!" You're a moaning mess, pussy can't help but tightened around him, making him curse under his breath. He continue to pistoning as he chasing his high, prolonged your own orgasm.

"Fuck, gonna cum," his thrust remain steady until it finally stopped, buried so deep inside you as he fill you up to the brim. Jeno finally pulled out, your hands and elbow propped against the wall as you arched your back while bending over, giving him a full sight of your ass and pussy overflowing with his cum.

"Shit.." jeno cursed as he ran a hand through his fringe.

You felt your bodies emitting fog from the fever, glistening with sweat.

Just after that, you both heard a knock and someone's shouting.

"Are you guys done there? Jeno, get your loud ass out there right now, we're running out of time."

You wouldn't miss whose voice it was.

It's fucking na jaemin. You felt embarrassment creep down your spine when you realized he found out, although nothing like the rest of the members doesn't know about the relationship you two have. But still, caught red handed fucking in the backstage with his band mate is a little bit..

"That's embarrassing.." you sigh while covering your face, making jeno chuckled as he patted your head.

"He'll get used to it." He smiled like a puppy, as he not merely fuck you senseless just now.

You said that it's embarrassing. But it seems like you're liking how unusual things did give you some thrilling sensations you can't explain. Since then, you've had sex with jeno in the void meeting room when everybody's leaving from work. It's giving you anxiety on what if someone's barge in, or the worst-you'd get kicked out from the company and never ever get the same job even at the different place again-but funnily, you can't resist the good feeling jeno made you and the realization that you were actually enjoying the shit, eventually not giving any fuck if someone know.

Another day of you and jeno spending time together in the same room, giving some different kind of affections to each other. And you're just too afraid to say something; to ask him: 'what are we?' Because you couldn't be more happy with what's happening between you two now. And tonight is a bit different because you feel your heart ache in the way he hold you as he won't let go.

"Jeno.." you arched your back when his tongue trailed from your abdomen up to your breasts while he attempted to unclasp your bra.

After freeing the flesh, he mumbled in awe, "beautiful."

He latched his tongue on your nipple, swirling it with purpose, to make you even wet just for him, and him only, just like the way he liked it.

"Fuck, it feels so good, don't stop," you pulled on his hair, a signal for him to keep going.

"Yeah? You like that, pretty girl?" Jeno kneaded on your swell as he sucked again on your nipple.

"Louder. Moan louder for me." And that's what you did. Your fucked up sounds is a music to his ears, railing him up to the extent where he just wanted to sink in you.

Jeno cupped your sex, your panties were damp in arousal. "Shit, look at you. So fucking wet." He slid his fingers up and down your panties before he slipped his fingers in. You whimpered when his cold digit met your folds. He only play with your opening and clit, but it already drive you crazy. You're practically drooling, he's collecting your essence on his fingers before he bring it up to his mouth, tasting your arousal. You huff and puff, look already fucked up before him when he barely did anything.

"So pretty. So fucked up. So needy for me."

All you did is fucking whine. Lee jeno is driving you insane.

"Please," you plead. "Jeno,"

"Hm? What is it princess?" He asked with a sweet mocking tone.

"Fingers. Want your fingers inside me." You sternly told him, but your gaze was infirm.

He chuckled then replied, "of course baby, you'll have it. But later. I have to taste you first. Will you let me?"

He asked for your permission and what on earth is stopping you from letting him eat you out? Of course you would never say no.

"Pleasee," your whiny voice made him smile from ear to ear in satisfaction.

"Love it when you beg."

Jeno get down to eye level with your pussy before dive in. Your hips wouldn't stop thrusting up to him and pulling his hair, his strong hands looping on your thighs. At this rate his face buried deep between you legs and tongue prod into your cunt, exploring your hole, lips trying so hard to swallow you up, open mouthed kiss at your pussy, sucking and lapping. He's eating you out like there's no tomorrow.

"Fuck, i think i'm gonna cum."

Jeno chuckled, "already? So spoilt."

Jeno bring his fingers down and curled the digit expertly inside your pussy, you're wiggling like crazy when he reached that sweet spot that got your pussy tightening around him, then he sucked your clit hard, made you cum in instant at his doing.

You gradually came down from your high and stared at him in the eye, begging.

"Jeno, please, let me suck you off."

He feels like he's flying up the cloud seeing you prettily begged for him. Then he smiled, "can't say no to a pretty girl like you."

You bit your lip before you kneeled in front of him, taking a hand of his hard cock and kissed the tip. You hold onto his balls while you licked and sucked along his shaft until your tongue met with the tip, then sink into his cock, swallowing him whole. You bobbed your head up and down, sucking in intensity. He groaned and bring his hand through your hair, while he got his head thrown back against the headboard.

"You're doing so good baby, keep going."

He hissed painfully, his muscles clenched and his grab on your hair is getting tight. Your left hand massaging his balls, mouth sucking at the tip, the other hand stroking the rest of his shaft.

"Fuck, i'm not gonna last." He hold your head and thrust into your mouth, chasing his high. Your gagged sound heard all over the room, eyes pricked from tears. His groan went louder and that's when he came all over your mouth, and you swallowed all of his seed like a good girl, his good girl.

You lap all of his fluid, cleaning his cock clean, and lick your own lips.

"God you're pretty." His stare full with admiration, then he caged you between his arms, locked your lips with his in a passionate kiss. Tongue dancing with each other, nipping at one's lip. Both of you moan into the kiss, until he break it first.

Your back arched so high, hips pressed against his own, wanted more just than kissing him, but he pushed your belly down and leaned in.

"Need you now. Need to make love to you."

Once again, your heart sank at his confession. You're already tearing up as he pushed his big cock into you, soon picking up a steady pace to thrust between your wall, all while kissing you out. His kiss felt so soft and sweet, but also fragile at the same time. Your bodies met, no space in between. You hug him tightly, so afraid that he might just run away or disappear in the blink of an eye. He made you feel so good you're crying, can't even think or talk straight, your mind felt numb.

That night, you remembered vividly the last word he said before you passed out.

"I love you."

The rainy night made you feel all lazy. You wouldn't get up from bed if you just didn't feel the urge to go to the convenience store and fulfill your craving with some warm food. You're definitely starving.

You take out your umbrella because it's still raining, but as you nearly arrived, it's became a drizzle before it came to a stop.

You fold your umbrella as you walk closer, but before entering the place, you definitely saw jeno at the dark aisle between two buildings; making out with who the fuck you don't care, as if someone could've not just pass by and saw them two passionately changing spits.

You froze in your place, can't even walk any closer to where jeno was. You felt anger bubbling up to your chest and at the same time, you can't help your heart from breaking into pieces.

But as someone's controlling you, you suddenly stomped on your feet, making a way to them with balled fists, and you nearly scream when you call him out.

"Jeno."

The two broke the kiss after couple of seconds as if they're unbothered, both dripping from the drizzle. He turned at you, eyes dark and indicating that he wasn't even surprised to see you there.

But then he opened his mouth, "how th-"

"What the fuck?" You cut him before he talk, spitting your anger out, voice all husky and spiteful, extremely vulnerable at the same time.

"Who the fuck is that?" Your eyes burned from restraining tears roll down your cheeks.

"What happened with the other days when we literally spent time together? Yesterday, you just- we just- fuck, i- i thought you just said that you lo-"

You can't help but blubbering, can't even say the last word you meant from spilling out. It's too much.

The girl he was making out with tried to walk away, but he grabbed her wrist.

You scoffed, speechless.

Did he just stop her?

Sickeningly, he just walked by you as he made a way out while dragging her with him.

You swear you just felt so fucking dumbfounded. He didn't even say a word since earlier.

When you can't hold your tears back again, you break out and scream his name out.

"LEE JENO!"

He looked back from his shoulder, but he still put the same blank expression in front of you before he chuckled.

"Well. Looks like i've got nothing to explain since you already saw it."

Still standing with the balled fists, you can't even talk as you were trying so hard to figure things out. Why the fuck did he do this? Did this to you?

"I believe you're capable enough to think with your little brain, princess."

Suddenly, the rain started to pouring again, leaving you all soaked up gradually.

He's giving you the nastiest smile he have ever showed you as he made his getaway with the girl and said,

"Wake the fuck up. I have never loved you."

―

And that's when you wake up from your dreams.

As your eyes fluttered, you felt tears running from the corner of your eyes, making your sideburns damp uncomfortably.

This fucking whole thing is a dream. A dream that's so real.

No wonder that all of it was happening so fast; and absurd.

Now you can't even think of jeno the same way anymore if you see him at work.

You checked your phone. Of course it's december. You laughed bitterly at yourself when you realized you trapped with jeno in your dreams when it's fucking summer. You swear you can even feel the heat. It just felt so true.

You get up on your elbows then cursed under your breath before muttered to yourself, "never thought you'd love and hurt me at the same time."

And it's not even in the real world.

Is it better because it's just a dream? Or is it not because the real thing is even more an awful truth you need to accept?

That's when you realized that the meaning of impossible is literally as it is. It's the time for you to understand that both of you is poles apart, that he is different.

You'll never ever get him, and you need to forget him; as he might already forget you.

837 notes · View notes

tossball-stick · 3 months ago

Note

heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang.

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive.

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child.

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family.

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man.

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him.

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you.

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe.

he can shape up and be good, he just never does.

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack.

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal.

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences.

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)."

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from

#john marston #red dead redemption #red dead redemption 2 #rdr #rdr2 #rdr1 #red dead redemption analysis #rdr2 analysis #red string on the corkboard #if anything ive written is insensitive towards arospec people lmk and ill fix it ^-^

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maukiki1-but-cringefail · 10 months ago

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i swear to fucking god im not a hater but if i see another fucking badly-made thumbnail boring neurotypical straight guy with lame monotone voice talking over buncha mfb clips video of the worst metal fight beyblade takes ive ever seen with the unfunniest jokes im gonna rearrange the DNA sequence of the closest person to me to that of a Doto greenamyeri nudibranch because i swear to god just shut the fuck up.

how the fuck do you meatheads base how much you like a character over powerscaling and win ratio. would you prefer a wild bear over your own mother because the bear is stronger than her? thats how you fuckin sound like. i gotta rant this shit out because i had enough if i hear another fucking "ryūga da goat🥶🐐" "beyblade really is that serious🤣" "This show is so acoustic😵" "did you know that moses split the sea with a be-" WE FUCKING KNOW THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS AT THIS POINT. ALSO IF YOU DEADASS USE AUTISM AS AN INSULT LET ALONE USE THE WORD ACOUSTIC OR ARTISTIC FOR IT STAY 7 KILOMETERS AWAY FROM ME AND ALSO DONT WATCH METAL FIGHT BEYBLADE EVERYONE IS GAY AND AUTISTIC YOU KNOW WHY⁉️ which cishet neurotypical out there makin spinning tops fight with neon green or blue whateverthefuck hair half the cast looks like they been hiding in closet before their debut episode.

PRIME example of these bad takes is , because of powerscaling again the hate on masamune ? i thought people hated him because they thought he was annoying (like how i did when i first watched it when i was little) (FOUR YRS OLD) and like id get that as in he talks alot or whatever but people hate him because. fucking. "he has a low win ratio and claims to be the number one blader" BITCH THATS A 15 YR OLD. or like around that age somewhere you get the point. so what if the taco doritos colour palette guy a little confident in himself bitch you hate fun you hate sillyness. people also use him as like a tool to praise kenta? constantly i see takes like "kenta is like masamune if masamune didnt suck" or something as in they both try to rise to the top and get stronger but one of them doesnt talk shit like did you know you can praise a character without putting down the other one motherfucker. another one is "masamune isnt a legendary blader because he talks shit but cant actually back it up" Hey my brother in Allah lets play a little game. which one of the fucking legendary bladers talks big about himself. you have ten seconds. 10...9...8....KING. KING IS RIGHT THERE .

also saw someone say damian shouldve been a legendary blader⁉️⁉️mf that boy was on rearrangement stereoids the effects of that wouldve already worn off by the time of metal fury how does that even WORKK😭😭 he was probably off with 3 big fucking pet dogs to eat custard pudding or sumn idk .Ryūga dickriding has been a thing for for ever but right now for some reason people decided they didnt talk about that guy enough. theres so many videos on him guys there are other characters to talk about i can write a three billion word essay on damian but i dont think i can say anything about ryūga that hasnt been said at this point. also the people who claim hes alive BECAUSE hes alive in the manga is crazy like yall cant see those as two different universes? im not saying wether if i think hes alive or not this isnt about that dont miss the point. i wanted to make text posts about mfb for forever but i was embarrased for god knows why so i just posted my mfb fanart on my main but i cant take it anymore (eatina burger with no honey mustard) must speak this time im afraid

also sorry if this is hard to read im not good at ending sentences where i should punctuation jumpscare. powerscaling mfs will hear u say u like a character like for example tsubasa or sumn and immediately bring up ryūga like shut the fuck up this shit happened on twitter i dont even use twitter i opened the app for 000.1 seconds. you just jelaous ryūga will never serve like did mf also im not a ryūga hater anyways i reached the character limit fuck

#rant post #Sorry i had to . FUCK.#mfb #beyblade #beyblade metal saga #metal fight beyblade #beyblade metal fight #beyblade metal fury #ryuuga #Ryūga #masamune kadoya #me if i was written by vivziepop

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puhpandas · 8 months ago

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I once saw someone say that Gregory being called a “story destroyer” by Tony was also figurative for how Gregory came into FNAF and ruined a lot of people’s lives indirectly, resulting in his impact on the current story. I mean, dunno how much I agree with that comparison/analysis or if it was intentional on Scott’s behalf while writing GGY, but it was kind of interesting to think about.

They did bring up an actual good point though; that the FNAF rules seemingly never apply to him and only him, which also might be why he’s so disliked, it’s because we never get to see the consequences of his actions like every other character but instead a “happy ending” that seems like it hadn’t been worked for.

I don't really get how he'd ruin multiple peoples lives indirectly in any other way than ggy, which vanessa is in the same boat and did the same things, so it's not even only him. I know the elevator ending exists but theres a very good chance Gregory didnt even do that and it isn't confirmed at all. I understand if they mean the animatronics since they're sentient, but at that point both vanessa and Freddy would also be guilty and it wouldn't be fair to blame only gregory for their situation, especially when he with his own power has mostly helped people by freeing vanessa and showing Freddy that theres more than Fazbear entertainment, plus comforting cassie on her birthday

I'm guessing the fnaf rules would be that hes a child and isnt dead?? which idk why hes hated for that lol it's a super interesting first for the series.

this isnt meant to be aggressive or anything I'm just sharing my thoughts for this ask and continuing the discussion :) thinking deeper into the story destroyer line is super interesting!! and I also understand that you're repeating what someone else said so this isnt directed at you

I just dont think a lot of Gregory's actions are fair to get angry at him for when he was mind controlled exactly how vanessa was and the other bad thing he did isnt even confirmed that he did at all lol. and the other things at that point would be the blame of other people alongside him also, and not fair to single him out for

I'm not even trying to fully 100% vouch for Gregory's total innocence here I'm just trying to say that it wouldnt be fair to make him out to be the only bad guy who did these things. the animatronics in ruin are such a strange situation because vanessa and Gregory and Freddy all clearly and obviously came back throughout the pizzaplex post-collapse and didnt bother trying to help the other glamrocks. it's so weird. but like I said that's all of 3 star fam not just Gregory. I know it's off topic but I'd love to see insight on that decision from 3 star fam to never help them bc theres clearly some nuance to it

#i think its interesting and healthy for a character to not be a 100% angel and to have done some questionable things #but damn let his sister and bear dad also be included in that!!!#let them be morally gray together!#pandas.txt #pandas asks #thoughts #gregory

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sumbier0 · 6 months ago

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I came up with a crackship some time ago and a few days ago I thought more about it and besides being a bit hilarious this has such a juicy Potential actually. In both game and movie versions of afton.

Because said crackship is William afton and John Kramer

[imagine one of the purple sprites from the games is there too]

Theres so much these 2 could challenge in eachother. Maybe I havent even thought of everything but here's a few things I thought of :]

1. Kramer's firm belief he doesn't murder people. While Afton MIGHT think he's doing something good overall - atleast in games since in the movie I think it's more about control, atleast in the current moment, though that motif ties with immortality anyways, control over life- either way I don't think he would DENY being a murderer and could try to make Kramer see himself for what he really is.

2. The whole immortality thing would stand in a way in opposite to Kramer. Because can you really cherish something when it lasts forever? Will you instead rot forever in stagnancy no matter unlimited time you have? Afton meanwhile could argue that this allows you to cherish life forever. He experienced grief[well game one did. Probably] and knows value of life so when immortal he can cherish that for eternity [and have more control to just make everything even better]. And the biggest internal conflict coming from this is the fact immortality [even if how it is in fnaf isn't... The nicest let's say] could save Kramer from his illness. Will he fully betray his morals and fully show his hypocrisy or prevail? Can Kramer show him he doesn't need inmortality to cherish life? Is what Afton achieved as immortality even a life? They could have debates on this for hours

3.This thing works more with game afton, atleast in current moment. But Kramer's whole thing is about people changing and appreciating life after drastic circumstances, learning their lessons. Afton could bring in his own experiences [specifically ones post him becoming springtrap] and how they didn't change him and Kramer could argue they did but... Would he? Because those changes definetely wouldnt be in the way he wants.

4. Kramer pointing out how Afton failed his family and Afton shooting back that what if he did? Kramer also failed his own and people he 'saved' [with movie Afton this could even hurt him a bit even if he wont admit it]

5. Additonally their stance on children. Jigsaw DOES put children in traps but VERY rarely and im pretty sure his intention is for them to not be harmed[mentally they're scarred either way☺️] . Meanwhile Afton only really targets children.

I'm also sure you could mesh and twist these concepts even more to find even more fun things

Okay some other things now:

Both have big egos and are a bit of jokesters [atleast movie afton definetely is]

Complicated contraptions. Again especially movie Afton fits here Shreddy Faz Chair is very saw trap looking. They can bond over that

And of course they are both villains but yet so different they can oppose eachother as I said :] this is basically a mental Kramer torture mostly

In a way they both have some theme with control with Kramer it mostly comes in form of his games and vouerism, while Afton wants control over life and in movie over his victims too. Actually that fits in a way with Kramer too with how he takes some victims in as apprentices, though Kramer views that rather as giving them a second chance and saving them. Also imagine if Afton in security breach actually had followers/cult it would be all even more swaggers [gif I love this theory it pains me it wasnt true <//4].I just think both would find eachother fascinating in some way. I think in Kramer's case it's passive/only subconcious not fully realized control, while in Afton's it's very active, realized, an important need of his.

I CAN make this man better(well in a way Kramer views that] and make him align with my ideals I SWEAR vs I want him to realize what he really is and that's one of few people on similar level to me. It also wouldn't be Afton without some want for control. Again wanting the other to get his ideals.

Ideals propaganda on both sides

Also this made me think of movie Vanessa and Amanda interacting OUFFF The people they were closest to hurt them so bad :[ They need a cathartic crying session

[see this is one of the reasons I like this crackship a bit better with movie Afton-]

Ekhem anyways the two if they fully agreed on everything would be too fucking powerful.

In conclusion: Please please hear me out this has so much Potential please. Weird old man love and mental torture. Maybe some physical too

#car rant #saw franchise #saw movies #john kramer #jigsaw #fnaf #fnaf movie #william afton #purple guy #long post #blood #Them playing mind games too tho its more of kramer's deal <4

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sneakyscarab · 1 year ago

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touhou 19 time! this game was literally not even released when i started this, so this is really fresh! this post is probably the closest i will ever be to a real games journalist lol.

nina's thoughts on Touhou 19 - Unfinished Dream of All Living Ghost

the most recent touhou, coming out just a few weeks ago, so this review is hot off the presses! UDoALG (wild abbreviation by the way, this name is so long) is a pretty neat game, being a direct sequel to Wily Beast and Weakest Creature story-wise, and a sequel to Phantasmagoria of Flower View gameplay-wise.

UDoALG is another in the competitive-danmaku type gameplay, similar to PoFV but with a number of evolutions to make the gameplay more balanced and easier to control. i won't go over every little change, since theres quite a lot, but ill point out some interesting changes, mostly in relation to story mode. for starters, Ability Cards are back again from UM, although with a much smaller role. each character has 2 cards themed to them, and whenever you beat an opponent in story mode you're randomly given one of their two cards. the three animal spirits are added, but they work completely differently to WBaWC, now being stronger variants of the generic spirit enemies from PoFV. a change that i think is only in story mode is that a new win condition is added, where if you defeat your opponent's boss summon an amount of times then your opponent loses. this is also pretty much the only wincon in story mode, since the AI has insane dodging skills. i literally only saw them lose a life one (1) time across 19 characters' stories (if you're curious, it was in Chiyari's stage 1).

one really interesting aspect of this game is the storytelling. i usually don't bring up the story in these posts outside of how certain characters relate to it, the story usually is a fairly simple affair that just gives the characters a reason to fight, but UDoALG has a much more complex story, which im kinda mixed on. i'll start with the cool part: the story actually progresses as you play through and unlock various characters in story mode, every set of character unlocks represents a later time period of the story, so you don't get the full story and resolution until you play through it all. this is a super cool idea, and gives good incentive to keep playing different routes and see how it all plays out. its a cool idea that uniquely plays off of the large character roster and unlocking method of these competitive vs games.

unfortunately, in order to make this happen and make every character be relevant, the plot is needlessly convuluted, especially in the first couple campaigns. there are so many factions at play, all with their own motives and double-agents and subterfuge. by the end of the 19 story scenarios you will be absolutely sick of the phrase "this is exactly as i had planned", and yet i still dont fully understand What the "main villain"s plan was. i commend ZUN for trying something new with the narrative, both in doing a direct sequel with most of the same characters as a former game, as well as this way of unfolding the story over time through different character routes, but i can't say it was Good. maybe im just biased since it mostly revolves around the WBaWC cast, and that game already had pretty rough plot and characterization, but i dunno. i will say i liked the story more at the end than i did after doing the first couple routes, but some of that early confusion never really goes away, and characters like Ran and Tsukasa dont really get their stories resolved.

time to talk about the characters! UDoALG is furry city, pretty much every character besides the human incident resolvers is some kind of animal-person, plus a few Onis. for returning characters we have Reimu, Marisa, Sanae, Ran (from PCB), Aunn (HSiFS), Nazrin (UFO), Seiran (LoLK), Rin (SA), Tsukasa (UM), Mamizou (TD), Yachie (WBaWC), Saki (WBaWC), Yuuma (the 3rd Animal Realm leader, coming from a fighting game i think?), and Suika (also a fighting game, and SA). for the new characters, we have 3 new youkai who have each joined one of the animal realm families respectively, plus the 'main villain' Zanmu and her assistant Hisami. since theres only 5 new guys, ill just give them each a quick review.

Son Biten is a monkey youkai, based on Son Wukong, recruited to Yachie's Kiketsu family. she's pretty goofy, and has a really neat musical theme. i dont have much to say about her, besides that she has a cool inspiration, and some of her interactions are pretty funny.

Enoko is a dog-type youkai, loosely based on the idea of Cerberus, who was recruited to Saki's Keiga family. instead of literally having 3 heads, she has bear traps on her wrists that act as analogues to the jaws of two additional heads, which is a really neat interpretation of a cerberus concept, as well as having tons of comedic potential. i love all the jokes people make about her offering up a Totally Normal Handshake, dont worry about it. she apparently lived in the Forest of Magic as a dog before awakening as a youkai, so she joins the crew of Marisa's funny forest friends.

the third new Youkai is Chiyari, who is NOT a chupacabra, despite what everyone says. she's based on a Tenkajin, which is apparently an obscure youkai that sucks blood, obscure enough that i could only find a single source for it online, being a Japanese blog post written by who i assume is a youkai enthusiast. Anyways, nobody in Gensokyo knows what a tenkajin is either, so everyone calls her a chupacabra instead since its another bloodsucking creature who is 'pretty popular right now'. most of her interactions are her being annoyed by being called a chupacabra, and eventually coming to terms with it. poor tenkajin gets no respect. shes very funny, and also apparently completely broken in pvp. great character.

Hisami is a 'guide of Hell', who is also inexplicably based on grapes for some reason (or eggplants, depending on who you ask, but im in grapes camp.) she pretty much just finds people in hell and helps them find their destination, although 'their destination' is up to Hisami's interpretation, and multiple times in the story she leads characters somewhere else. apparently she does her job wrong because she wants Zanmu to notice her, and it doesn't work cause apparently that was part of Zanmu's plan all along, so she doesn't care. Zanmu is too busy playing 4d chess to give her suboordinate some attention, so sad.

speaking of, Zanmu is an Oni, and the 'main villain' of the game. i say that with quotes because, despite being the final boss in most routes, and being the chessmaster supposedly laying out the big plans and manipulating everyone, she also is simultaneously resolving the incident, kinda?? its a bit hard to understand her motivations. well i guess her motivations make sense, but its hard to understand how exactly she plans to get what she wants from this plan. like her plan involves getting beat up by Reimu multiple times? hello?? not a fan, and she doesn't even have a cool design inspiration to make up for it, shes just another oni.

alright, lets wrap this one up. i was surprised to see another VS type game come out, and it seems to deliver a lot more balanced and interesting combat than the first one (granted, story mode plays pretty differently from what i can tell). the story is weird though, and the roster doesn't really have many characters i'm excited to play as compared to PoFV, and the characters i do like are pretty bad. (Sanae in particular is really weak in this format, her homing snakes are a huge disadvantage against bosses since they turn as soon as they see an enemy, meaning they wont hit the boss unless every random spirit or fairy is dead first). complaints aside though, at the base level its still pretty fun, and im glad that this type of gameplay is being given another chance.

i said it in my PoFV review, and ill say it again here: if any of you reading this have UDoALG, and are interested in playing the PvP with me, hit me up! itd be fun to try playing this with another person (although i heard the online is rough so i dunno…)

thank you so much for reading, especially those of you that have stuck with me through each post! this is the end of the mainline series, but there's still a lot out there i havent done. im not sure where this will go from here, especially since my college semester just started so i'll have a lot less free time, but ive had a lot of fun working on this project, and i hope that youve had fun reading it! if i do keep going, i might do the PC-98 quintilogy next, or maybe talk about cool fangames like Luna Nights or Mystia's Izakaya, i dunno. whatever comes next though, i hope to see you again! consider this the end of 'volume 1' of my grimoire. farewell!

#grimoire of nina #touhou #touhou 19 #touhou UDoALG #unfinished dream of all living ghost #touhou project #touhou 19 spoilers

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kozykricket · 2 years ago

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alright my current brainrot is apparently pokemon scarvio so

ill be discussing various leaks past the read more line, so this is your chance to scroll on by! its my prediction for the DLC(s) for sv!

Alright, so before we get into the leaks lets just make it clear - we know the whole mystery of the disk pokemon. we know heath talked to it, we know the paradox of the past/future pokemon appearing in heaths time, before the time machine was made. for most of this, ill be talking about violet/turo/future mons, for convenience. we know that the third legendary or mythical or something *spoke* to heath, in some way, and made him scribble things in his book. i believe those are instructions for making "the time machine" but he couldnt quite figure it out. some have pointed out discrepancies in the sketches and photos of paradox donphans, and i actually think that might be significant. maybe heath, in his curiosity for the unknown, and creative imagination... thought he saw something unlike anything he had ever seen before... but was it just his imagination? perhaps. maybe it was actually there already, formed from his desires, or maybe it was just a normal donphan that they got a bad picture of. either way, this sparked his curiosity about... what mysterious creatures lie in this dangerous crater. surely something of a treasure (finding your treasure IS a big theme in sv, and we know that researchers went there to find a treasure) perhaps this third legendary relies on your desires, of what you WANT to see... and makes them real. i really do believe it! i mean, with unova being the next in the remake lineup assumedly, is a dream world that crazy of an idea? so then we have the young turo, with his childlike wonder... loving the violet book so much, and imagining what pokemon from the future could be like. imagining such exaggerated features - though the exaggerated features are more noteworthy in the ancient paradox forms (billion year old jigglypuff with fangs? really?) but back to the experience heath had, oftentimes, things that can enter your freaking dreams tend to be all about granting wishes of impossible stuff becoming real, but for a price. i think this legendary has lost its power in some way, and needed the machine that it simply referred to as a time machine to turo... to make his dreams reality. it must be in control of the terastal phenomenon too, no doubt - which is a reality-altering effect. it darkens everything around the pokemon, gives it a hat with a weird little face around the bottom of it... and... agh, this is incomprehensible isnt it? my writing is SO unorganized i need to work on that listen, im gonna leap forward a bit -its a desire based legendary, it brings what you want to be real to the world, but needs human intervention to truly harness its power. theres some great videos ill link at the bottom of the post going further into some speculation on the third legendary - i also think tyranitartube has some alright videos on the whole mystery of it but i said id be talking about the DLCs well, a certain fake leak inspired me. "The Magenta Mirage DLC" It's confirmed fake, but like- scarlet and violet are the ends of the light spectrum, and magenta is unique for not being on the light spectrum. its a color that our minds "make up" if you will. an imaginary color but what about riddler khus golden/amber heart? didnt he say the dlcs "color" would be yellow? well, theres 2 datamined item sprites with no names or code attached to them in SV. one is a golden, spiky rock of sorts, and the other is a strange runic stone with a *magenta* swirl. could this be the armorite and dynite ore of this generation? we have a golden land DLC first, sparking more mysteries about terastallization, and then we have the magenta dlc that gives us closure with the mythical tera-type master pokemon? perhaps ALSO THE PARADISE PROTECTION PROTOCOL IS TOTALLY THE MYTHICAL POKEMON FIGHTING US THROUGH AI TURO I MEAN COME ON ITS LITERALLY JGHTRJUHFJUHJ ITS . IT TERASTALLIZES. oh right, i didnt even mention that people datamined that signature moves for paradox suicune/virizion exist. pokemon that... were sketched as hypotheticals. existing well then

now time for photo/link dump The Truth Behind the Disk Pokemon

The cut item sprites

an interesting video by tyranitartube, covers some fun speculation honestly tldr its all about your wildest dreams... your treasure.. becoming real

#pokemon sv #pokemon sv spoilers

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fictionfixations · 1 month ago

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this is my first time hearing of this so i dont know if theres like some other context related to this im missing (or if this message just happened out of the blue) but i dont really wanna know either way.

^^^ but all points in this are valid (the reblogged post i mean)

i would like to at least hold out hope that nothing bad happened until it is confirmed (do not ask them what happened, im sure its stressful as it is) but that is not to say that i invalidate the people who spoke up because im sure they have their reasons too but we do not know what happened and we cannot know what (again do not ask what, we are not entitled to that information)

i want to believe in both sides. i don't want to end up being the kind of person who doesn't believe in a victim or is against a person who didn't actually do anything wrong, so im going to be patient and if nothing ever gets said about it thats fine too

do not speculate. what comes out of it could be aiming pitchforks at someone who didn't do what you think they did, or bringing out someone's trauma over something all over again because you want to know or you think oh maybe this could be why so and so happened

this is my own opinion, but id say to withhold any judgment and thought you might have on this until we get a confirmation. this is not to say that you can do whatever you want with this information after, because that is not true at all.

feeling uncomfortable regarding it is valid, im not saying you cant have your own opinions over it, id just prefer it if people could treat this sensitively, and with respect for the other members to not try to find out more then what has been shared, nor overly target people over something you do not have confirmation over

im sorry as ive been repeating points a lot, but ive seen people acting really disrespectfully to all the people involved in something similar to this because they want to know, but they do it with zero regard for the person on the other side of the screen

(this is more referring to people asking those who were friends to that person about it but it was a really bad situation overall, and they were attacking them when they didn't get a response out fast enough without considering that they'd just learned that someone they cared about was a terrible person and needed time to process that. now in this case its not fully confirmed but i really dont want to see that happen again.)

^ updating my response above, as there is a doc with information about what happened which i noticed in one of the comments on the original post. i just wasnt sure if something really bad happened considering the vague statement in the twitter post but considering its been spoken out now of what happened i can safely conclude that hes probably not innocent (understatement). (again, please do not hound the victims nor the hermits on information about this)

i just didnt wanna assume anything. this isnt to say that i didnt trust in what evidence they saw that made them conclude that the accusations were credible, it was just worded in a way that sounded very vague, and as a person who would like to see the goodness in everyone i tend to stay in denial about these kinds of things because i want to believe that they are not that kind of person, at the very least until its either admitted by the guilty party, or theres a credible statement from the victim

also it might feel like im understating things with how i describe them, thats my bad. i usually describe things in swear words but considering hermitcraft has a mainly young audience im trying not to and it also feels a little inappropriate over a serious topic. but it means i default to referring to something as 'bad' or 'not so good' which can come off as like im trying to make it seem not as bad as it actually is which isn't true at all. im just trying to be really careful about how i word things or what i say considering this is a serious topic but it means im not sure how to describe it so i end up going with what i default to outside of swears.

um. also please dont go asking for proof from the people affected nor the hermits cause i really dont think its appropriate and could lead to triggering them further. its also very personal.

i emphasize my point as a person who has also gone through bad things, and trying to look back through those old messages were really triggering and it was just not a good time. i imagine it was rough enough to get screenshots of what they did get so please leave it alone. they went through the trouble of sharing it in public, you are not entitled to more

and i get it might be rough to trust CCs after having your trust broken with one being revealed to be a bad person but PLEASE do not accuse other CCs of the same behavior. they are just as shaken as you that someone they thought they knew could be like that. please leave them alone, thank you.

PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND:

we, as fans, do not have a right to private information. anything shared with us on this is a privilege. please do not abuse it. the cc's could shut down and never talk about it if we overwhelm them.

also, please keep in mind that ONE HERMIT and THE ENTIRETY OF HERMITCRAFT are NOT THE SAME THING. the entire fandom is not 'ruined' or 'completely unsafe' because of the actions of one person.

PLEASE DO NOT ASSUME THAT THE OTHER HERMITS KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT WHATEVER'S GOING ON WITH ISKALL. this is not some big conspiracy, it's the consequences of one person's actions. they weren't hiding this from us, that's not how hermitcraft works, they truly didn't know. they probably knew as much as us about this, so making it an 'us against them' situation is immature and shortsighted.

ALSO, I AM BEGGING EVERYONE TO PLEASE NOT SENSATIONALIZE THIS. PLEASE DO NOT TURN HATING ISKALL INTO A MEME OR A JOKE.

mcyt'ers being revealed to be less-than-great people is not a rare thing, sadly, but i've seen it turned into a joke/meme/trend in other fandoms. this both minimalizes the actual people's/victims' struggles, makes the entire situation feel less serious than it is, especially to outsiders looking in, and makes everyone in the fandom look immature, petty, unable to take anything seriously, and genuinely harmful.

this server, fandom, and community are not dying, it is not ruined forever, this is one (major, i'm not trying to minimalize it) issue that we're currently dealing with. it will be okay. we will move on. this is not the beginning of the end. please calm down. i love this fandom, god bless all of you. <3

edit: doc has said on stream that we will likely get more information as time passes. like i said, this is a PRIVILEGE. we are not OWED information. please be grateful for what we're given, and POLITELY ask questions if you must. if a cc doesn't give you the answer you want, or doesn't answer at all, LEAVE THEM ALONE. THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO HARASS PEOPLE. the hermits are likely just as stressed out as us, if not probably more so, so please keep that in mind when contacting them.

don't freak out, we'll be okay, this is not the end of the world, nor is it the end of Hermitcraft. we will be okay.

second edit: please remember that (at least as far as we know) ISKALL AND STRESS WERE NOT KICKED OR BANNED. THEY LEFT OF THEIR OWN VOLITION.

ALSO!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!!

WE. DO. NOT. KNOW. EXACTLY. WHAT. HAPPENED.

PLEASE DO NOT ASSUME ANYTHING SIMPLY BASED OFF OF OTHER MCYT'ERS PAST ACTIONS/SCANDALS. WE DO NOT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. WE MIGHT NOT EVER KNOW EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. WE NEED TO BE OKAY WITH THAT AND NOT DRAW OUR OWN CONCLUSIONS.

#iskall situation

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celabi · 2 years ago

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I’m sorry but scummy scara has been living in my head rent free and I’m always checking your blog to see if you’ve posted more about him alsjshsk.

Here’s some of my brainrot about him:

✩ he once noticed you forgot to eat a few times and now he’s insisted on making lunch for you a few times a week! (Ei’s very shocked to find him in the kitchen with one of her cook books open but after an outburst from him, she doesn’t question it further). He brings you all sorts of things he’s made and watches in delight as you eat it all. You don’t need to know that his cum has been mixed into everything and he’s tucking himself in as close to the table as possible so you can’t see how hard he is as the thought of a part of him being inside of you as you go about your day. It comforts him to know that even when you go to your separate homes at the end of the day, there’s still a part of him with you.

✩ similarly, he’s always worried that you’re not drinking enough and so he’s offering his water bottle to you all the time!! Yeah, it’s so he can have something that you’ve put your mouth on but if you’re staying hydrated too then it’s a win for both of you, right? You don’t need to know how he’ll savour the taste of you (or even your lipgloss) on the bottle when he’s alone.

✩ on the note of makeup, I’m sure your lip balm/stick/gloss/whatever will always go missing because he’s always stealing them. You don’t know that either though, you just know that your friend Scara is kind enough to give you some money when you’re upset about losing your makeup so you can buy some more! He just loves using them and fantasising about how you’ll taste when he kisses you!!

✩ also Scara helping you with some class project and he has this super cool trick to help you filter through searches, he just has to download something for you! Yeah he does what he says but while he does “all the boring technical stuff” that he says you don’t need to pay attention to, he’s downloading his own malware that lets him access your computer remotely whenever he wants. He’ll get off to your pretty face through your webcam when he returns home and omg imagine he finds out about your tumblr blog!

Oof sorry that was a lot lol. I have a few other idea but I’ll save those for another ask ;) Can I be 🫧 anon or 🪷 if bubble is already taken? Hope you had a good Christmas :)

Love this so much, 🫧 anon, welcome 🥺🫶

He’s soooo freaking cute, how he stares at you with excitement bubbling up in his chest when you bite down into the sandwich he had so generously made for you the night before. Wether he used the excuse of ‘I accidentally made a second one’ or not, none of it mattered because when he saw the way your eyes lit up as he handed it to you, or how you so adorably thanked him for his thoughtfulness— he knew he had just gained a few extra points towards his end goal.

“Hm? Theres a weird after taste the mayonnaise leaves on your tongue? Oh, I’m sure it just cause… it’s a knock off brand! So don’t worry about it too much.” He’s smiling at you so innocently, with pure looking eyes that you don’t even bother to pry any longer— and instead accept the offering he had made (specifically) for you. Lol, there’s no possible way he would have mixed his cum inside! Not a chance.

“Speaking of mayonnaise… there’s a little bit uhhh.. right here. Allow me.” Scaramouche knows he’s too impatient, and can’t bother to wait for your response— so he’s quickly leaning in close and brushing his thumb over the edge of your mouth, and ever so slightly slipping his finger between your lips to awkwardly push the sauce against your teeth. He’s blushing profusely about the closeness of your bodies and the way your tongue almost automatically lols out to lick the residue off his thumb, and you’re embarrassed because wow! That’s kinda… embarrassing. Hmm, wonder why my good friend and classmate, Scaramouche is so flushed red and sweating.

I love your brain so much :(( so cute and wholesome Aww. Lmao imagine if you didn’t have a webcam, he’d go home sulking about how his plan was ruined. Maybe he could snag your phone number instead, so he doesn’t have to email you 😕

Hope you have a happy holidays !! 🫶 thanks for interacting, 🫧 <3 (sorry this was so short and rushed, I have family over for New Years!))

#🫧 anon #scummy scara :(#genshin impact x reader #scaramouche x reader #genshin impact smut #x female reader

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demadogs · 2 years ago

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Did you see naturallybrielle's analysis of the monologue? And if so what did you think?? Some of it gave me a little hope, but I still feel the monologue is the ONE thing that proves that byler is not happening... I mean, why have it at all? If they knew they were gonna go with byler in season 5? I guess I'm just so frustrated because byler makes so much sense and has so much subtext but we're still probably not gonna get it (spoiler because it's gay) and it's so unfair... especially when the straight pairing is so bad and unhealthy compared to it.

i did see it and im with you, i dont understand at all why they would even have the monologue if bylers endgame. its a very stupid choice in my opinion, even if it is meant to be a completely false confession, not everybodys gonna read into that. now i think a lot of the general audience are gonna see byler in s5 and think it came from nowhere bc mike did say he loves her.

i always love what naturallybrielle has to say so i was excited to watch the video and she did point out some stuff i didnt notice like how much mikes talking about her powers. i saw a post before volume two came out that said something like “theres no way mikes gonna say he loves her in volume two bc imagine how shitty it would look if he couldnt say that until after she got her powers back” and theyre still so right. it looks bad even if he does say “i love you with your powers i love you without your powers” blah blah blah.

i also liked her other video about the monologue where she talked about the camera work and the music and stuff. she brings up how will is in the frame when he says he loves her and then compares it to the shed scene in s2. they never show joyce or hopper’s reaction to what hes saying in that scene, its shown as if mike and will are the only people in the room. she also talked about the fact that the music that plays is called “youre the heart”. thats will’s quote. it seems like it would be called “i love you” or something more related to what mike tells el.

i also asked her if she thought the scene was a mistake if bylers endgame bc ive always thought so and she said “if the goal was to make el realize she doesnt need mike then i dont think its a mistake”. i can see her point but if that is their intention, i think they should have made it more clear to the audience that mike doesnt mean it. like maybe through a scene before the monologue where mike admits to will that he doesnt love her and then we see him telling her he does. i think that would have done a good job at making the general audience wonder if mikes queer without fully revealing it yet.

#stranger things #byler #eden answers

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madmaddyenby · 4 years ago

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/rp /dsmp

ok so- c!tommy. we are all aware he’s traumatized, and experiences ptsd from being in traumatic experiences, this is basically fact. while i’d like to talk how c!tommy experiences ptsd, i’d like to bring up a thing i haven’t seen mentioned a lot when it comes to c!tommy and his trauma- c-ptsd. also known as complex-ptsd. it occurs when someone experiences something traumatizing for a period of time.

[image description: A screenshot of text with the words “CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a mental health condition in which a person might experience intense PTSD symptoms that coincide with other mental issues. CPTSD occurs in people who have been subjected to on going traumatizing experiences”. end description]

which, as we know, the exile arc fits the description of “ongoing traumatizing experiences” pretty fucking well. the exile was basically just two weeks of trauma. for a lot of reasons too, there was dream abusing tommy, tommy being isolated, tommys own depression/suicidal thoughts/bad mindset in general. this would all be considered a ongoing traumatizing experience(s).

ptsd is very similar to c-ptsd in how it develops, but ptsd occurs after one singular traumatizing event . (by the way, the event doesnt have to be life or death, it could be something like witnessing or hearing about a shocking event!!!)

symptoms of c-ptsd overlap with ptsd a good lot of the time, due to them both being trauma disorders. however, there are a few differences. here r some symptoms of c-ptsd, alot of which are ptsd symptoms that alot ofpeople with c-ptsd experience as well

reliving the traumatic experience

avoiding certain situations

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

hyperarousal (jitteriness, being on alert, etc)

somatic symptoms (physical symptoms with no underlying cause)

lack of emotional regulation

change in consciousness

negative self-perception

difficulty with relationships

distorted reception of abuser

loss of system of meanings

now, i’ll go over which of these fit our boy c!tommy, and how they fit for some of them atleast. i will only be talking about the things that are a result from c-ptsd, but also c-ptsd works where it coincides with other mental illnesses a person has so. its also important to note that within a person these symptoms might not stay the same over time, and not everyone who has c-ptsd or ptsd is going to experience it the same. (so not talking abt how pain affects him after dying in the prison, though that is a clear sign of ptsd)

reliving the traumatic experience

tommy’s done this with exile a few times, when revisiting logstedshire, when he saw the craters in logstedshire, when visiting dream in prison, when during the disc finale dream dug the hole and told him to put his armour in, etc etc, he’s even described himself as being trembly in the fingers near plain biomes, while visting logsted he mentioned how shaky it made him to be there, and when he visited logsted one time he had an immediate reaction to seeing a hole in the ground that came off as him reliving it. flashbacks come in from sensations during a traumatic event, like sight, feeling, emotion, etc, etc. it seems like with these he’s experiencing more of a reliving the emotions kind of thing.

avoiding certain situations

i was originally not gonna include this one, but thinking about it, he kind of does in a way. this symptom also includes keeping yourself preoccupied to avoid thinking about it, which is something c!tommy seems to do alot. with focusing on building the hotel, and doing tasks, or grinding for supplies instead of actually thinking about it.

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

c!tommy uh. does this a lot. a lot of it stems from how during exile tommy was isolated and made to believe no one cared for him, and even if that wasn’t true c!tommy never really got much closure on that. hes not really trusting ppl that b4 were really close to him, tubbo n ranboo for example

lack of emotional regulation

this can also be described as uncontrollable feelings. this is the one i’ve wanted to talk about the most i think- because this is really fits c!tommy. he tends to lash out alot, for example burning the flower c!ranboo gave him, there are a bunch more examples of this that include him yelling at others, that one time when he spleefed c!jack

negative self-perception

yeah. theres a few examples of this one, the one that first comes to mind is that time during the green festival where he was talking about how he was worse than everyone he didn’t wanna be (including his abuser, c!dream...) . theres now when he was building his tower by the prison when he was saying he couldn’t use the cobble because it was too him, and people didnt like the cobble. alot of this i think comes from c!dream making him feel basically worthless in exile :(

difficulty with relationships

Yeah. um. Alot for this one!!! The first to come to mind is c!tubbo. c!tommy and c!tubbos relationship is very very wonky, especially considering recent events with tommy feeling like he is being replaced with c!ranboo. (which he isnt by the way! he just feels as though, which is a valid feeling for him to have :]) . another person that comes to mind is c!ranboo. he’s even mentioned how his and ranboos relationship goes back and forth quite alot. its not very surprising to see that he has difficulty with relationships especially considering a lot of the reason that the exile affected him so badly was because he felt so alone and was so isolated from his friends. another thing that comes to mind, is when he made c!sam sign that contract promising hat he’d be his best friend and protect him. theres most likely way more that can be said here, but this is the first stuff that comes to mind.

distorted reception of abuser

um... yeah. this one. this can also be described as , “ becoming preoccupied with the relationship between you and your abuser. It can also include preoccupation with revenge or giving your abuser complete power over your life. “ which is um. yeah. c!tommy. he’s mentioned how whenever he’s around c!dream he feels like hes conditioned to be his friend (which. yea . he was .). right after he left logstedshire this was very very prominent, he was the biggest c!dream apologist around (/j), saying things like “dream didnt do anything wrong” and even explaining how he wasnt sure about things when it comes to c!dream, that his mind became flip floppy whenever he thought about him. right now, hes focused on getting back at c!dream, not fully for revenge, mainly for his friends and how he doesnt want c!dream to go around killing and reviving everyone, but the point still stands. (this all makes me extra sad because he had gone to the prison the second time in the first place to get closure :(( )

loss of system of meanings

Systems of meaning refer to your religion or beliefs about the world. This can also refer to getting a strong sense of hopelessness or despair about the world, which as of late mainly c!tommy seems to have. mainly referencing in his stream where he visited dreams bunker, he was asking what the point was of finding things that made him happy if dream was just going to get out the prison and destroy it. theres also a few things that also go with this, in one stream while he burnt down ponks lemon tree for sam nook he said "thats still decaying, but yknow, arent we all." and that one time when he gave that hotel invitation to c!techno he was like “ahahha we could die tomorrow anyway”

its also important to note that, “Any type of long-term trauma, over several months or years, can lead to CPTSD. However, it seems to appear frequently in people who’ve been abused by someone who was supposed to be their caregiver or protector. “ Which is.. fairly accurate in c!tommy’s situation. c!dream might’ve not been a caregiver or protector necessarily but he was still someone that was looking after him yknow?

there are most likely more things than what i layed out that show that c!tommy most likely also has cptsd, however this is just the stuff that i thought up :] add to the post if you’d like to!

(also this isn’t saying that c!tommy doesnt have ptsd, he had both ptsd and c-ptsd. also i am not an expert about ptsd, cptsd, or mental health in general, if i got any information wrong let me know)

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janewayseven · 9 months ago

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gotta say I didn't plan on diving into discourse on shrinking fandoms, but you're not the first person to bring this up, so just my two cents here.

#every time i see this - the chasm gets a little wider #and it hurts - as a 'creator' to see this #even with an older fandom such as j7 #buts its also telling of why new works have stagnated #a lot of consumers but not a lot of creators (inb4 its brought up about stop thinking of fanworks as content - its how i speak pls sit down) #even tho theres isnt much participation on this poll

So I get how it looks, and I have thoughts™️.

I've made this point in a reblog before, the "content creation" guideline goes something like 90-9-1: 90% consume, 9% interact, 1% produces. We're actually doing amazing when taking that as the average baseline. Especially considering that this fandom is a solid 30 years old!

My experience with the J7 Discord (and just paying attention to other people I know in fandom and my own behavior) has taught me that people dip in and out of fandom, it's asymmetrical not linear. There's never the same amount of people looking for content at one point, and that's ok - we still enjoy content that was made years ago, some of it is infamous. Especially in fandom, longtail content is super important.

I think the low-ish participation on the poll also shows an issue with platform-split/tumblr: people aren't all on the same platform. Some are on FB, Twitter, etc. Some aren't in social media fandom spaces at all. And tumblr itself has a bit of an interaction problem - I'm sure tons of people know creators they like but only one person tagged them - so it may be just an issue of distribution. I have a long list of creators I know of that just... aren't here. But I'd definitely ping them through whatever platform they're on about a challenge!

#when fanworks halt or slow down - all those consumers dip and flutter away to more active spaces #and now those remaining creators dont get as much interaction as before and kinda....dont want to put the effort in

Just from the perspective of running a literal J7 blog: People still like and reblog, the more content I post, the more they interact. So the interest in content (and new! content) is definitely there - which is a good thing. My bigger issue here is finding new content / sifting through old stuff to share. Of course, it may be less than before in sheer numbers - I can't really judge that.

#yes - create for yourself - but the dopamine rush of seeing someone tag/comment on your work is so fucking fulfilling #and i also understand that interests change - im a multishipper multifandom bullshit blog - that just happens #but its happens more when activity ceases on both ends

Yeah, I feel this - the interaction is so important because yes create for yourself but also made a thing and show the thing so please let people know what you think or that you saw it - it's just so human to want some feedback.

And also, as a fandom ages, I'd assume that the people in it age with it - so day to day responsibilities rise and keep people from being super active maybe, but they often come back to enjoy what has happened in the meantime.

#so as many creators say in posts - pls reblog and interact with content that you like/see #likes are fine but maybe billy joe mutual over there may like the content too - we wont ever know unless you fucking reblog it

yes yes yes! just. reblog. tag, send a message, just... support creators!

I'm actually considering - based on the poll - to create some kind of challenge for the people that consume fanworks, whether it's a "create a collection of your favorite stories" or "share your favorite artwork" kind of challenge - but something that works with the people that love the content and helps them to give that love back to creators.

#SORRY JAY #im bitter and angry and this poll keeps popping up in my fy section and it actually makes me want to stop creating for ST

no worries, I get it. It can be frustrating, especially when you create for fun and fulfillment. Luckily the poll is over now, and I hope you will keep creating for ST! More cake! 🍰

Digging into the archives is always great in a fandom as seasoned as Voyager, but new stuff is fun too - if you’d be interested in this, please let me know!

Fanworks could be anything - from fics to art to gifs to playlists to vids… if you come up with it, it’s fanwork!

Please share this little poll around/reblog if you vote so I can gauge the interest, tyvm!

Also: if you’d like to help organize such an event, please also let me know!

#j7 challenge #ramblings

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qingxintea · 4 years ago

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heartbreak avenue (3) || albedo x reader

heartbreak avenue (1) heartbreak avenue (2) -- tell me how, do you do this thing called living? when theres nothing more to gain. gn reader -- ignore the link below idk how tf to hyperlink on mobile but that’s ur part 4 ig

damn. imagine missing mond so much that you visit just for the vibes and accidentally become a one time vigilante for dominating over a couple abyss mages

how oddly specific!

you moment.

TO BE FAIR, you didn't mean to and also ur just strong with that 245% crit damage ugh yeah yeah get it ig

it was night time, like, idk 1am and you were in this cloak because idk look swaggy and comfortable

abyss mage went ŏ̸̡̡̹̘͉̫̬̬̭̘̙̝͐͒̆̈́̒̿̄́͠͝ǒ̸̧̺͕̣̬̝̱͈̭̭̻̮̈̏̔͆̑̀̍ǫ̵̡̜̲̭̠̤̰̹͍̣͎̤̈́̓̍͠h̴́̔̀̍͊̂͒́̆͘͝��̧̡͍̣̹̯̭̩̮̣̩̭͜ȃ̷̧̡̢̡̨̛̪͓̤̜͕̳̦̼͊̏̃͆̓̈́̈́̽̈́͌͐̋̚ͅh̸̡̩͍̟͕̥͚̰̰̟̮̖̪̉̈́͛͂̍̾a̸̧̢͕̙̞̳̩͈̲͉͕̒̆̎̐̎̍̀͊͘̚͝h̸̡̼͓̝͕̫̤̰̱̬̣̗͚̙̀͜ and you were like "lmao shut up"

and like it did! because you made it shut up and also mans diluc was watching in his dark knight hero thingy

of course you noticed his presence from the beginning, you just wanted to piss him off and act like he wasn't there at all

you walked. straight past him like he was actually on the bridge in the middle and you just w al ked .

i mean ofc he gonna say something. and he did. dude said "who r u"

stared at him directly in the eye and said "the embryo made of chewed bubblegum."

he stared. sh o ck ed . what were you even saying

"jk im a resident of mondstadt, visiting from my liyue trip."

"and how do i know you arent lying?"

you sighed and grabbed your dendro vision, letting him look at the frame. "its incased in a mondstadt styled frame." after a few seconds, you put it back. "if that is all, i'll be going."

"k"

"literally fuck off" you responded and walked inside.

sometimes you forget how rude mondstadt people are lmao loser.

ok so like this donna girl really went up to you like "JFKLSJFLKSDJFL NUMBER ??? HELLO ?? UMM THE WAY YOU SAVED MONDSTADT RLKDFFC" and you resisted every urge to flip her off on the spot.

you just stayed and let her talk, smiling through all of it. your hood was still on but it was quite windy s ooo

its been ten minutes. girl please let us go. you were literally begging for anyone to cut in because ur too nice (or unbothered) to tell her to shut up even though you totally went off on diluc aadahahhshdf

and someone did! not the one you expected though.

"good evening donna, and... oh? who would you be?"

ALBEDO LMAO GET STICKBUGGED? ? ? ?? AH a hjfkahfjah . im so funny .

guys i meant that ironically please

anyway

you got even more uncomfortable lmao and you just looked at him and smiled. what do you respond? "no one of importance."

he heard your voice, saw your eyes and it registered. it was you...

or was that what he wanted to believe?

cause this whole time hes been waiting for you, only using experiments as a thing to pass time. it got... a little more lonelier, because nothing could replace you.

he decided to not believe it. because 1) you knew well they welcomed you with open arms, so there would be no need to hide yourself

(which is also proof of how much the whole situation fucked up your thinking)

a second of silence before he continues on the conversation with normal evening meeting stuff things idk

then ur like "ahhshaaajk i must be taking my leave now for matters i will not disclose ahaha skidoosh"

skidoosh

so you go to the big venti statue next to the cathedral and just stand. stare. yikes

no ones out right now and theres nothing to do. but you remember this place because its where the both of yall would eat together whenever he had free time (which wasnt that often, but he still made the effort)

you look up to the sky, counting all the stars like you used to.

no ones gonna know that you're here, you decided on that. you only visited because you simply missed it, but after this, you were going back to liyue.

no ones gonna know. because no one needs to know. no one needs to know that you were here. that would only cause more trouble to the situation you tried to avoid

albedo ends up catching up to you later, still having some spark of hope left that it really was you

i mean lowkey there isnt really anything saying it wasnt. he wanted to believe that he was just overthinking when he thought it really wasnt you

like you look the same. sound the same. its just the reasoning of you coming here, but he can push that aside

"(y/n)."

you flinch but didnt react with anything else. he doesnt need to know that its you.

"(y/n)?"

you turn around to meet his eyes as he was approaching you. slightly distancing yourself another inch away as you were not used to the proximity, you responded, "i'm afraid i'm not the one you're looking for."

albedo stops for a moment, and was about to apologize,, but then

yknow that wind i mentioned earlier? like right after donna started bothering you

yeah that same wind blew ur hood off! lmao L

okay time to get serious !

you stay composed and sighed, your breath visible in the cold air.

so your features are exposed, and its so obviously you, like theres literally no way it cannot be you

"it really is you..." he doesnt understand why youre not admitting to it. "(y/n), please.."

you shake your head and walk away but mans grabs your wrist gently

"(y/n), whats wr-" he starts, but youre quick to respond

"im not (y/n)." you flat out said it and looked right into his eyes. and you swear there were small tears even if he was deemed nonchalant.

he doesnt understand, its your physical features, and your same energy, there is no other person that completely matches it.

he pulls you closer to examine this black smudge on your hand, a small yelp of surprise coming from you.

"this is... ink," he studied the properties of the substance. "you responded to my letter a day ago. (y/n)... i know by now. there's no reason to hide it."

you step away, freeing your hand from his grasp. your voice broke, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "i'm not... i'm not (y/n). i never will be. i'll never be so vulnerable again, i'll never be so naive again, i'll never be so lonely again, i will never ever be anything like they were again."

your vision blurred, but you werent oblivious to the tears streaming down his face as well. reaching to brush them away, you paused and let it drop to his shoulder instead.

"albedo. i... the (y/n) you knew... they're gone now. and if i could revert back to them any time, i would, i swear, but... i'm al-... they..." you buried your head in your hands. "i'm broken. to the point that i refuse to identify as the (y/n) you know me by."

doesnt know what to say, so he almost pulls you into a hug before you move out of the way. something you never did.

"don't... please. it never works out in the end." you shake your head, facing the other way. "for me at least."

"..we could work together, no?" he tried, still oblivious about your feelings towards him.

"only if you're willing to cross your moral boundaries," you looked back and tilted your head. taking a deep breath, you continued, "but you know that neither of us are willing to do that."

he couldn't say anything, because as much as he hated to admit something for once, you were right about that. at this point, he would've thought that literally any extent would've been fine to reach to bring you back.

yet in multiple situations where he's doubted himself before, theres always a line he will never cross.

"...i wish you the best. treat her well because i worked hard." you walked away without him stopping you this time. i worked hard. not we worked hard.

even if you had honestly felt that way, there was no chance the old you wouldve actually voiced that.

and so he watched you slip from his grasp again, only this time, he stopped himself from holding you back from his own will.

yet he swears- the next time he meets you again, he will bring you back.

#albedo x reader #genshin impact x reader #albedo #genshin albedo #genshin angst #albedo angst #sucrose #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin headcanons

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