#theres a lot of anger

[faenemy]

Illusion (CW: Vent)

I had to talk to my med provider a little while back and BOY is there nothing worse for my mental health. Everything I have ever experienced is caused by my period, and I am an entirely irrational entity, incapable of experiencing valid emotions. The curse of being AFAB and dealing with medical practitioners strikes again. Anyway RAGE writing time.

TW: Suicide mention, Implied Dissociation, Implied Hallucinations.

They don't take me seriously

Only see the passion in me

The drive

How I want to die

Life flashing before my eyes

Nothing matters if you can serve

Play your role and uphold

What those before believe they deserve

Strike a match and light me up

Heaven knows I've had enough

You ignore my pain

Take away my pleasure

Nothing ever in equal measure

They scream in my ears

But you'll never hear

To busy weaving your story

Perfecting your vision

To see what lies before you

In all it's horrid glory

It echoes on the walls

It chases me down the halls

Unknown voices

With no claim

No owner, no vocal

How it torments me

But you'll never see

Turn a blind eye

Until I die

Then maybe you'd see

What I am forced to be

Cause nothing matters

Until it's lost

Only then can one realize

The true cost

Oh to live in a world

Of illusions

As you call them so

Heaven forbid they be delusions

Hallucinations

A figment of my imagination

My pain is little

A tiny spot

Easy to wipe away

To lock out

When one cannot know

What is true and what's lies

Then all you will find

Is fear in their eyes

Terror on high

As I hide myself away

From the sun

From the day

From everything I stray

Maybe if I cover my ears

As you so often do

I could block out their cries

I could block out you

Embrace the illusion of your love

Of any idea of a god above

Reject my fleeting reality

And accept what lies deep beneath

Your words do harm

Beyond your comprehension

I am nothing to you

Not worth time or mention

I try to scream

To make a sound

To make my thoughts known

And voice them aloud

But you drown it out

Dragging me down with

I'm stuck on this ship

And it's sinking quick

Denial flows deep

Within your veins

You know it never brings pleasure

Only inevitable pain

You won't silence me

I will continue to burn

I have been given a match

Heaven knows I will learn

You may live how you wish

But you can't take me too

Heaven knows I'll survive

Without you

I wish you could see

The pain you cause me

Stand beside me

But I know better

Than to put that hope in thee

So as the whispers in the night

An illusion of my mind

Sing me their sweet soft lullaby

I will think of you

I will think of what you've done

And heaven knows

I'll think of what you've begun

[xx-akubara-xx]

This segment came out a little fast since I ended up reusing backgrounds and polished sketches into the line work (Ford always looks better with messy lines for some reason lmao)

TFW when the person you thought would never change does- just not for you.

[faaun]

what draws you back to your country what draws you back to your land when i was a kid i told myself if i ever left iran i'd never go back 2 years into living in the UK i started looking at news on iran again 10 years in and i visited it for the first time again and today i heard an iranian mother talk in farsi to her child on the train to london the way my mother used to and i wanted to cry i wanted to ask her whether they're still cutting the mountaintops whether the lakes are still drying today i showed the person i was with pictures of waterfalls and palaces and forests and snow-white north something odd pulls me back with increasing force i can't ignore it ever again

[getyinyusedtoit]

i love hualian's specific brand of misunderstanding because it happens due to their internalized feelings of inadequacy and self denial, and these feelings remain self contained. there is no betrayal or argument of any kind, no big catalyst that changes the dynamic of their relationship in some awful way, no negative assumptions placed upon one by the other. they just happen as they are both testing the waters and working through what they're allowed to want, allowed to have while their individual inability to see themselves as worthy of taking want they want, of being loved gets in the way every time.

and it's so good, seeing them fumble these moments that are clearly veiled or outright confessions and yet continue to grow closer in spite of it. to watch them have this journey and watch them teach each other the things they themselves need to learn. it's good because centuries of self denial wouldn't go away overnight, no matter how perfectly they slot into each others lives. instead we get to see both of them learn that they can start to give and take what they want more and more over their journey, until it culminates in less of a confession and more of an acknowledgement, finally having the ability to reach out and embrace love you feel you don't deserve while also giving love to someone who equally fears they don't deserve it.

[lemongogo]

why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm

[commanderfreddy]

people are discoursing about the laios and shiro fight bc that was always going to happen but i do hope that wave crests quickly and we can all come to see it as what it is: literally one of the best written fights between two people who are both entirely justified in their actions and acting without any malice or cruelty of all time

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 60

shapes time

[proserpine-in-phases]

Why did I have to get super into a rarepair crossover ship this is so unfair I dont even GO to one of those fandoms!

[orcelito]

Thinking again about my plans for Vash and Knives in ITNL

Which I can't really get into the specifics for How I'm going to do things w/o going into spoiler territory. But I Do have Vash & Knives tagged on the fic for a reason. I set up in the first chapter that Vash is determined to try to save Knives too.

Which. That choice, as well as the entire basis for all of this, depends so much on that final fight in trimax. The one that was literally a scene away from where ITNL Vash went back in time. His mentality just a hair's width away from that...

At the end of trimax, there was reconciliation, however brief and incomplete it was. In ITNL, my question to myself was How could I induce that again? Under different circumstances, How Else could we get there? And that is the long-game in ITNL.

[thefaultinourforcebond]

ofc im sad

two whole seasons and before that he's been tortured, and punished for god knows how many times, knows his future and how he'll end up on the sacred timeline, saw his mom die, for season 2 to punish him further by granting him the curse to go back in time and fix things REPEATEDLY for it to not be fruitful at the end.

Loki being God of Stories, Loki Who remains at the heart of Yggdrasil is fine but physically binding him to the tree and not giving him the freedom to visit friends? Cruel. Truly the cruellest thing I've seen written.

It's technically eternal punishment. Why is Loki in his Davy Jones Era when he'd sacrifice so much? And alone????

He can't even get an apple like HWR did.

[ And do you know how many years did I have to wait to see Will Turner be free from that curse??? ]

[crescentfool]

with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.

i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.

heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."

knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.

it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.

i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!

i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!

[supahstarrr]

"whitemisia" are you fucking stupid.

[bisexualdinahlance]

I don't disagree with the "people would have better fandom experiences if they focused on what they liked about the media/fandom rather than what they hate" because I do think some people get too caught in the negativity vortex.

BUT as someone who is a bit of a complainer (though not as much on this blog as my fandom specific blogs lol), people also have GOT to learn to tag better. Because I would enjoy my fandom a lot more if I could peruse tags - both on tumblr and ao3 - without constantly seeing the content that I hate. And that's WITH blacklisting.

Stop tagging irrelevant things for exposure or "target audience", stop tagging fics with the actor names and every nickname for a character under the sun, stop tagging other relationships or friendships that only pop up for a single line in your 5k fic. Tumblr's tagging system/sorting already sucks without people filling up the tags with shit that doesn't matter.

Like I wouldn't even think about the stuff that pisses me off with fandom nearly as much if I could actually AVOID IT. I've never been someone who has been big on blocking, especially because I forget why people piss me off so easily, but I've had to start blocking a lot more just because it's impossible to exist in fandom at times without being bombarded by the stuff you hate.

(That's not even touching on how absolutely horrid reader tags are because of how Tumblr's tag reader functions. Please use a universal "x reader" tag or something I am BEGGING you. Because right now it's just block on sight.)

Basically, despite how much Tumblr's operating system itself doesn't help, I think a lot of people on both sides of this issue would end up happier and in a better mental place if people were better at tagging.

[llumimoon]

I’ve been thinking about the Oak family player characters, and a relationship with emotions and what they think the “right” emotion/reaction is to feel in a given circumstance. Like maybe I’m just a sucker for parallels and duality, but I think it’s SUPER interesting. What I’ve got so far is this:

Hildy -> Confidence/Bravery vs Fear

Henry -> Kindness/Empathy vs Anger

Normal -> Happiness/Cheer vs Sadness/Misery

Of course these aren’t like perfect descriptors nor are they always complete opposites, but I just find it very interesting how Oaks always tend to cover up the more unpleasant emotions, you know?

[musubiki]

does lime ever cry about anything or is angry more of his emotion? cause in all the childhood limochi comics mochi seems to be more the overflowing emotional one and lime is the more repressed on even back then. does that change at all ?

good catch!!! youre correct little mochi was VERY much the cry easy child. even if it was a little inconvenience or when she was angry the tears would flow!! not that she was a whiny brat but any time she got upset she couldnt stop the tears lol

and yes lime channels his negative emotions into anger. baby lime was very "haha REAL men dont cry!!!" type and even as he got older he recognizes "okay yeah everyone cries no big deal hahah" but theres still that underlying mindset. that being said hes a very dry anger type, so it takes a lot to actually get tears to come out, usually the only people hed ever cry for or to is his family + mochi.

the only time we actually SEE him cry is whatever the point is where all his pent up resentment about mochi leaving all of them without any word or warning comes out!! and as SOON as his eyes start watering he just freezes he cant even get anymore words out once he gets to that point

(and actually tried to up and run once the tears started but mochi wouldnt let him. and thats the only time we see lime cry -w- )

[raspberryjellybrains]

i love you women in horror nothing will ever make me stop loving you women in horror